#but itll never . ever . be the same . | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rollaroundincompliments · 25 days ago

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God Evan's speech this episode just really really fucking got me. I too had to learn the hard way that found family only works when the other people are also looking for a family. And most of the time they already have their own.

#dimension 20 #misfits and magic #possibly because i am already hanging on by a thread due to everything #but i was fucking crying man #i had that same fucking experience #i went to college looking for a found family #and found some of the best friends i ever had and we were so close while we were there #but they had families to go back to #and life pulled them in all different directions are graduation #theyre still my best friends and i love them to death #but i know itll never be what i wanted it to be

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lokh · 6 months ago

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personally once ive lost interest in a hyperfixation it's like OVER over

#pages and pages and pages written down.....#like sure ill see it afterwards and be like Oh thats nice #but like. itll never be the same lmao #god it just keeps going. an UNBELIEVABLE amount of pages on a hypothetical extension #to the ren/kaza fake dating fic. when the fic itself #was not ever finished lmao....

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arsenicflame · 5 months ago

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ive been thinking about bellhands a lot recently, and i think a key component of it is the grief.

whether Sam's dead, or actually-not-dead, if theyve had a huge falling out, or they just were never quite right-place-right-time, whatever it is that leads Izzy to being with Ed over Sam, theres grief in it. theres pain and heartbreak and theres a life that could have been to mourn.

exploring how we move on from that is what makes the story, for me.

#its about the agony!!! the betrayallllll #if sam faked his death (intentional or not) how can izzy recover from that?????#if izzy goes with ed after the mutiny- why???? what did sam do to break that trust????? can he ever get it back?????#its the grief of it all!!!!!!! they had something and now its gone!!!! and even if you can get something back itll never be the same #mourning something thats still right there #nyxtalks #ofmd #bellhands

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skunkes · 8 months ago

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wanna meet people and do things

#talkys #small vent here but i get worried about being able to do this bc i fear itll never be enough #same wrt finding a partner like idk if ill ever get enough of what i need and am endlessly starved for even if i meet someone #i feel like i dont even Get friendships when i find them...idkkk #i need too much love #every day i need more than will ever be fulfilled in my remaining lifetime #and i dont even deserve it!

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nomairuins · 3 months ago

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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And #make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not #saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was #going to say #like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so #bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the #winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000 #other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but #i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its #been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody #responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple #muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it #but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like #im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good #solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start #all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the #punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4 #im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but #even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think #avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is #like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they #hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be #the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO #difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15 #minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case #it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel #stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and #tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i #tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction #like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint

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princessmyriad · 1 month ago

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#personal #it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog #or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on #that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares #to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems #but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago #and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that #thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna #which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be #the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat #im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better #ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything #my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill #i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone #when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite #i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about #is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for #hours. a whole days worth of hours almost #my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room #in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now #all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help #the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again #lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time #like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of #would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles #24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave #or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people #but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able #to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave #anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time

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liquidstar · 10 months ago

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i finished drawing the king+queen pair for my ocverse but i figure im not going to post them just yet, bc i also wanna revamp some older designs from andy's group, and i think if i post them all at once as a set i can have all their infoboxes in one place so its more convenient (since andy's group doesn't have those in their og post)

#so itll be a royals set. w andy and her parents. and also her friends lol #neither koe or percy are royal themselves but theyre heavily sworn to the family so they still fit in #i used the same background color for the knights as for the royals to show affiliation anyway #i might also group ursa w them even tho i already posted her w an infobox and dont have any redesign in mind #just so shes w a set #this is convenient for me also bc i can have a masterpost linking every post w each different group #probably the only ones ill leave totally solo are eris and the two upcoming ones #also the only set w uncoordinated colors from these is the last one i posted w parents. bc they dont have the same affiliation #these ppl dont know each other theyre just connected to their kid so that was the background color for each #anyway this is all just me thinking out loud at this point i doubt anyones reading this far #i could say anything and you guys would never know...........#*farts*#how hilarious would it be if this was the method i used to announce to everyone that [redacted]#and it was just buried in tags no one would read so no one would ever know even though i said it #< nothing bad btw. but no ones reading this anyway so clarifying is moot point lol

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britneyshakespeare · 3 months ago

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I had the worst dream last night that I had had a daughter at some point in the recent past and of necessity gave her up (I am far from the financial situation for raising a child and I don't even have the support of a partner, so that part is realistic). And I was just so wracked with guilt because I didn't even remember her name or who she was living with now. I felt so inadequate as a human being for not being involved in my child's life. And if I had to guess I had this dream because I was thinking a lot about abortion rights yesterday and how frankly they alone should be enough of a reason to go out and vote against Republicans. Like if you can't take a stand against people who are pro-forced birth, I don't wanna hear any excuse about it at all. It's some out-of-touch nonsense which reeks or either ignorance or privilege. Because if that were your own trauma-preventing medical procedure being legislated away, would you just let others get away with it being low on their list of priorities? Would you feel like those people still care about you or are your allies? The pro-life camp actively ignores cases where abortion is necessary to save the life of the pregnant person and/or the fetus has no chance of surviving to be born. They also constantly act like you can "just" put your child up for adoption, which to me is a much more terrifying and guilt-inducing idea than terminating a pregnancy. Idk. I just feel like family planning is as essential a human right as any other and yet it's constantly demonized on the right and still somehow trivialized as a "women's issue" from the center and left, from people who don't feel "personally affected"

#i can't stress enough that no medical procedure should ever be on the desk of any politician ever #it makes me incredibly heartbroken because it's a basic human right #if someone cannot or is not willing to be pregnant they should never ever ever have to justify that #or go through the humiliation of proving themselves THE EXCEPTION to a fundamentally unjust law.#abortion cw #probably should've put that sooner my bad #also when i say it comes from ignorance or privilege im not saying it's only amab people #who trivialize abortion rights as an issue. often a lot of ppl w uteruses just sincerely cannot or do not #picture themselves in the dire situation of a pregnancy they cannot bring to term.#again it just makes me want to cry because it's just so personal for people who have to go through it #a lot of ppl about a lot of things just think 'oh itll never happen to me' and adjust their apathy accordingly #(not to get sidetracked but that attitude drove me INSANE in the covid era)#but at the same time regardless of how unenthused some ppl w uteruses are about abortion access #the fact it's a political issue at all is still a sign we live in a (cis) patriarchy #but again a lot of ppl who are hypothetically my allies are quite milquetoast w their feminism #i most likely have been ruminating on this topic bc it's a big concern in my governor's race right now #(kelly ayotte is very much not pro choice no matter what she pretends)#but i also did see some nonsense 'dont vote' take recently that was like 'blah blah blah if u can't give up access to ur abortion rights #ur being selfish blah blah blah' im trying not to make a bigger deal of one nonsense person than i should #and blow that person out of proportion in their significance but jesus. what a ghoulish and evil thing to say

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snarlicbread · 7 months ago

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what if instead of homework.. i drank an alcohol and listened to dirty computer.l?

#and reminisced abt highschool?#i feel like im trapped in a nostalgia cycle and i cant stop thinking abt the past and worrying abt the future #feeling so lost and like everyone has found their place in the world except me #im so jealous and in love but itll never be the same huh #now i barely talk to anyone from hs maybe nobody ever thinks abt me and im a ghost #AUAUDHDHFJDJDJSJDNS I JUST HAVE TO ENGAGE AND LOCK IN #BE ASSERTIVE AND PARTICIPATE #i just have to work out and get buff and hot and have long hair and everyone will like me i just know it just wait just wait #mine

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sunoo-bby · 1 year ago

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everything starting to feel like a lie now .

#frfr #never taking a compliment seriously #forever scared of friends that last over a year #never trusting #never finding comfort #unless its that one person #if its her than yes but im never opening up to someone again #love when people reset my trust issues and im scared of everything again #lost another person to care #had that same person lie #something to be sorry about though? ill forever miss them . miss that friendship . miss those chats . ill still think about them everyday .#ill still hope theyre doing good . eating . exercising . sleeping .#still love them .#but itll never . ever . be the same .#and its so heartbreaking .#⤑∘✧ kyas thoughts[💭] ∘✩#⤑∘✧ kyas vent [🗡] ∘✩#< if you dont wanna see my vents pls block that tag

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jeffbytes · 8 months ago

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sometimes i wonder if im like actually still capable of selfshipping 😭 like i know i am but now i've experienced actual real love like nothing i've felt before, i just find it so exhausting and unfulfilling. like i would still lean on it in the meantime if i wasn't batshit crazy waiting on NHS intervention but even if i could, it's just not the same, at least for me

what i search for in life a bond with another human who i can cuddle and kiss and go on adventures with and spoil and invite them into my home and tell them whats mine is theirs? fictional characters just cant and dont do that for me anymore it feels empty to even try 😮‍💨 i suppose that's the point in it being a simple creative fun side hobby that's what i wanted it to be, but whilst i'm still searching for the One™ it does nothing more than just make me feel sad and unfulfilled. like trying to fill a hole that cant be filled this way, idk

why am i writing this here? bc ppl only ever followed me for my selfships and i REALLY want to feel like i have personal value to you outside of that, that my artwork and other posts still matter, bc i physically cant keep up with what people followed me for rn. im sorry i just cant

#jeffs personal posts #ill engage with it now and then ig #but it's not the same and itll never make me feel the same way she did #i'm over her as a person romantically and we're great friends #but sadly i'm just back to square one now knowing what i'm missing in life #qnd it's literally the only thing i've ever wanted in life

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puppyboypatrick · 1 year ago

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u can take the girl from fall out boy but u can never take the fall out boy out of the girl

#my writing will never be the same like i dont think itll ever recover #no good fucking television #jw.txt

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coloursofaparadox · 1 year ago

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im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit

#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life #its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help #and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen.#if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning #thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods!#namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety #and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen #until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again #these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working #im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever.#like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will????#and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED #after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that.#anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now.#(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status.#shits weird.

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