#ill send the asks tomorrow tho

[estrangedfiances]

🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨

tysm alex!!

i tried to list artists i don't post about (or barely do)

heart of glass | blondie

stupid cupid | connie francis

you're so vain | carly simon

accidentally in love | counting crows

disenchanted | my chemical romance

[severevoiddragon]

i will absolutely send you a request 👍👍 and it will be that you should draw codfather scott and rivendell jimmy because that would be silly i think

Ok so I haven't done rivendell Jimmy (that will be coming tomorrow, ran out of time today xD), BUT enjoy codfather Scott!

Yes ik it's unshaded. That's a pufferish of peace btw! (Also didn't realise there were like. Designs already maybe? But either way this is my design which is literally just scott wearing jimmy's outfit xD)

[cryingforcrocodiles]

GENEZIIIIIIIIIIII

wanted to know if you have any fav fic or a top tier fanfics so far? 🎤

JULEZZIIIIIII! hi :)

good question. i have some favorites atm!! that ive been re-reading. idk if you mean like. rpf between the ⚽️ ppl or just in general. but ima just do the ⚽️ ppl to be safe.

i feel as though i can't send a lot of them bc they r nsfw. but here's some favorites.

^ enzo/alvarez, the best story of this pairing imo (the few in english lol). very heartfelt. i got their dynamic here. 10/10, i want to kiss this author's hand.

neymessi horror fic with like. weird creature messi ("so normal messi?") that fucked me up a little. i love horror :) im friends with this guy ^^ and i read him often. just a piece of beauty he is.

reading jarcus in 2023 im a creep im a weirdoooo. jesse hyping his bf up yupyupyupinject it. loved this one.

messi fic but it's a timeloop [CHEERING HEARD FROM AROUND THE WORLD]. he's stuck replaying psg v bayern. i love timeloops.

neymessi moonsun trope . Yes :] we are Happy

[cgear]

( ok shimbo asks sent, im tired. gonna pass out now. errands to run tomorrow and i might need sunday to recharge but afterwards ill b around Mostly on emmet but here too since iono's in the brain. ill send more iono asks later this weekend/upcoming week if anyone else interacts with that inbox call. 👍 thanks for feeding the gremlin (iono). she's fun when i have the energy for her. feral deranged little beast. )

[genderlessjacky]

Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey

My dissection of Tally Hall

All of them sing apart from Ross

Fuck Ross btw he's a dick

HIHIHIH!! bob ross??? ajahsjah i need more contextt

[ambivalence-and-torpor]

!! :3c

Your lucky number is:

EDVARI

Got this custom design from @norts-trolls so I still have to fully work it out in my style and whatnot, but hey, the visual definitely helps eheheheh!

A former Cupid switching sides to become a Cubus. A traitor of his kind, if you will. Nobody knows how and why he switched over to the enemy's side, but damn if he isn't pulling it off.

Edvari is a bit of a selfish diva who does mostly thirsty or straight up adult stream content, getting his watchers all riled up to sow and harvest desire. Guy just LOOOOOVES the attention! Loves the dirty looks he can garner from people around him and loves to tease!

He's been pestering Elyzia a lil bit from time to time, tempting them to switch sides too, because they can tell that their lil Cupid "friend" isn't as chaste as they would like to believe. He is indeed actively trying to convert Elyzia to the Cubus side, but hasn't had any success with it so far.

It baffles him, to be honest, because he can tell that Lyz isn't very pure minded like most Cupids are, and he is quite the catch after all, but perhaps he just needs to find whoever else is tempting the squeaky runt. He can tell that there is another Cubus around them, the scent lingers on Lyz...

Aside from thinking that he is the sexiest thing on the planet, as well as tempting the world around him, he can be a bit of a goober when it comes to pretty rocks. He has a hugeass rock collection, full of the prettiest rocks and crystals he can find. Opals are his favorite!

With every “!!” i get, I’ll introduce you to an OC!

[cats-inthe-cradle]

5, 8, 15, 21, and 40!

Hi Grace! Thanks for the ask :D

5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? 

Sometimes! Tho not so much recently, I sleep with my cat Misty instead <3

8. What’s your favorite band/artist? 

I don't really have one? Idk I'm not, like, the most musically minded? If that makes sense? I've never been good about remembering artists n stuff. Basically if I like a song I'll listen to it and/or add it to one of my many playlists I have for stories/characters :D

If you've got any suggestions tho I'd love to hear 'em, I'm always looking for new stuff to listen to 👀

15. What’s your favorite season? 

Spring! The tempature's perfect, everything's always so green, we get some of the BEST thunderstorms where we live (and it's always really windy, which is an added bonus, I love the wind), it's when all the baby cows are born so whenever we drive somewhere we get to see all the little calves out in the fields, and I always have more energy in the Spring! (Apparently there's this weird phenomenon for POTS patients where our symptoms get overall worse in the fall/winter, so I always feel better in the spring).

Anyways yeah, I love Spring

21. How was your day today? 

Honestly? Not the best. I didn't really get enough sleep last night so I've had a headache most of the day, and I've just been really tired this whole week. Also writing & arting & storying in general has Not been cooperating (probably because my brain is tired) so yeah. BUT! Hopefully the weekend will be better :D I've got plans to go see the new spider-verse movie with my friend on Saturday, so I'm really excited for that!

And yknow? Most days are meh for me. I've got a chronic illness that sucks and I'm running on Not Enough Energy pretty much all the time. But I've learned to appreciate the small moments, and that helps a lot. 'Cuz even if most days are just meh (or worse) there's still a lot of good moments in them that more than makes up for it. So even tho physically I've been kinda miserable all day, I'm happy. I got to binge some rottmnt with my brother (soon I will introduce him to my aus >:), I played some minecraft, I listened to music, I played with my cat, I read some good fanfic, I'm messing around on tumblr at 3am

So really, looking back on the emotional aspects of today? It's actually been a good day. Maybe not an amazing, or memorable, or significant day. But still a good one, and that's enough.

Even if I still have a headache shdhd

40. Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? 

I love the beach!!! So much. It's one of my favorite places. One of my favorite things about it is being able to see forever. And, hmmmm it'd probably depends on if I wanna go swimming or not. Actually, I'd still go swimming if it was cloudy (and have actually) as long as it's not too cold. So really I don't have much of a preference? If I'm at the beach at all I'll be happy. I like when it's clear so I can see forever tho, but I also like I when it's cloudy and rainy in general, so.

[tinylittlebab]

HEYYYYY i have a scale and i didnt even have to buy it!!

[egoistars]

HIIII I just saw your post about your event and thought I'll be silly and request smthing ^_^ ok sooo first time meeting ness ! 😯 (one shot or hc whichever you feel more comfy writing! <3) have a great dayyy (⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠) ♪

ACADEMICALLY SMART BUT EXTREMELY STUPID alexis ness

aka. how u meet ness aka academic rivals to lovers but ness dont gaf bc hes just trying to #play #ball

you meet him at quite a young age and share a few things in common

ill fitting school uniforms and the wandering eyes of any child

while you find yourself fascinated by the numbers written on your teacher's chalkboard, ness is folding dinosaurs and stars on pieces of scrap paper, mumbling to himself

you didn't mind him and he didn't mind you

you guys were classmates and that was that

but then middle school came around and you started acting like you had a stick up your ass 24/7 as long as ness was around

like wtf that mf almost never studies why is he at the top of your class...

suddenly you get distracted in classes because you're focused on drawing mini ness figures with fat x's covering his face and devil horns

ness sees this one day after your notebook fell to the ground and at first is like omg!!! cute drawing of me as a fantasy creature but then he was like wait what the fuck why do they have it out for me????

he barely thought about you until then but apparently you've developed a passionate hatred for him just because he scores higher grades

he still has no clue

you are FUMING

so you start studying even more if that's even possible

while you go to your schools library to bust your ass in the textbooks ness goes outside with a ball he managed to shove into his bag and starts kicking it around

ness: :D ball!!!! no school!!! ball :D

you: KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF

after one particularly hard test that you flopped (it was like an 80% be serious) you caved in and asked ness with help studying

he looked at the material and was like man idk it just makes sense

little boy thought you were going to punt him into hell like he does with his football

him, terrified out of his mind and just wanting to go to his football club meeting, sits down and looks at the material

you show him your notes and he quickly explains it but is running late on time

he gives you his number and says hes going to text you help

you went home that day like ???? that dude lied to me he isnt sending me shit ??? before it clicked

he does not text you because he does not have your number... he gave you his number...

so you swallow your pride and shoot him a message, begging for help a second time in the same day and on his end, he laughs at you a little but offers to call

you guys work on the subject for a good couple hours and before you hang up, you offer to study together for future exams because he's admittedly a good teacher

ness is trying to find a way to say "no thanks i don't care about school good luck tho XD ROFL LOLLLLL" but then he realizes that it's going to make his parents trust him a little more

he accepts and you guys go to the library together once a week

he finds that you're actually kind of funny and cool and not just a human bomb that's plotting his death

he tries to be slick about offering to meet more often

"oh... this unit is a lot more difficult than the last one.... you wanna heh.... come back tomorrow? *gulp*"

"ok"

"WOOOO"

one day ness told you he was going to try out for bastard munchen and you somewhat knew of them because of ness going on tangents about football

you supported him on it, not realizing it would cut down your weekly meetings

suddenly there was an alexis-shaped-hole in your chest but you didn't want to admit it to him

and for alexis, there was a you-shaped-hole in his chest that he tried to fill by training with kaiser and the rest of bastard munchen

yes, the team was filled with dicks, but none of them had the same foul personality you had!!

texts dvery day checking up on each other but it was nothing like hanging out in person

calls were better but still not the same

as soon as he heard about his first off day, he called you and asked to hang out

you tried to be nonchalant about it but who were you kidding both of you guys wanted to see each other again

although the directions of life the two of you were headed towards were almost polar opposites, being reunited at a stupid library table for the first time in months was all that mattered

[rogdona]

Heya!! Just a stupid question if ya don't mind

Do you enjoy drawing people ocs? I mean- it's a really stupid question, I know

but I feel afraid of asking you to draw my ocs because I feel bad-

Hope you have a good and wonderful day!!

hiiii mistyy!! not stupid at all dw, i appreciate u asking💕

i do enjoy drawing ppls ocs!! its fun translating the designs to my style and it always makes me happy when u guys enjoy the drawings🙌🙌

if u do send an ask tho ill prob answer it tomorrow bc im dining rn JAJDJDJ

[nonbinaryaubrey]

SORRYYY FOR VANISHING!! was super busy this weekend and didnt have a lot of time .. -w-.. ill answer asks and whatever tomrooowwww its late. haii!! feel free to send more asks btw i shoulldd be free tomorrow to answer thangs >:3

look at my little guy tho. got to see..outside worlld..FUCK that reminds me.. omori nendoroid... omoriii nendoroid.. i completely forgot to post abt it on here but.. hopefully can get it..

[wander-over-the-words]

for that ask game: 🏳️‍🌈 for nick valentine and benny :3

send me a 🏳️‍🌈 and a character name and ill share my gender/sexuality headcanon for them Nick:

Nick is asexual!! He has zero interest in that area. Does not want any. Incorrect buzzer noise. It was one of his (MANY) concerns when it came to getting with Nate, but fortunately for him Nate is ace too so he just "Nick you have no idea how okay that is like seriously"

He himself does not know what he Likes romantically. He's always liked ladies, but y'know. Nate's a man. He's the first man Nick's looked twice at. So Nick doesn't know if Nate has Awakened Something in him or if Nate is just an Exception for some reason. Doesn't rly matter to him either way, and he doesn't rly care to think on it cause he's with Nate for the long run so. who cares y'know c:

Nick identified as a man at first cause the Old Nick did. I imagine one of the first things he did when trying to separate his identity from the Old Nick's was taking a moment to think on it, but he was content to still identify as a man, so. nothing new there. He was built without gender in mind like any other pre-Gen 3 synth so. he's genderless but identifies as a man. He's a man. A metal man.

Benny:

SOMEBODY CALL UP THE FOUR SEASONS CAUSE THIS IS A BI BI BABY. Tragedy: game where you can canonically be bi can't see when it has a Massive Bisexual as one of its main characters smh. He has a preference for ladies, but he is a BI MAN. I've said it before, I'll say it again: the reason the male courier can't fuck him is that he didn't feel like having gay sex that day. Had gay sex yesterday. Ask him tomorrow, see how he feels.

Benny is the most Cisgendered Man I have ever seen. I 10000000% respect anybody who sees him as trans or nb, but personally. He Is the Most Cisgendered Man I Have Ever Seen. To the point that I've always headcanoned him as. hilariously ignorant to stuff like gender.

Not prejudiced in the slightest and like. he knows who/what trans people are. he's met and slept with trans people. He just doesn't know the Ins and Outs of it. Like he's asked Ethan how come he has a moustache and where his charlies went. Has a "you can do that???" response. stuff just blows his mind in a good way. his baby's a badass cause he got his charlies cut off by a Mr. Handy INTENTIONALLY. he PAID for it. he stabs himself with a NEEDLE on a REGULAR BASIS just so he can have a MOUSTACHE AND DEEPER VOICE AND STUFF. you WISH your baby was that badass.

He's accidentally said insensitive things, like asking Ethan what his "girl name" was or wording it "used to be a broad" (I know some trans people are cool with that but Ethan is not). but to his credit he genuinely doesn't mean any harm. he's an asshole but not that much of an asshole. just uneducated (and a little stupid). He's learning. he doesn't understand what dysphoria is but he'd physically fight someone for causing Ethan to have a dysphoric episode. someone says Ethan "throws like a girl" and Benny's sitting there like >:O!!! even tho Ethan doesn't find that offensive in the slightest (hell, he'll agree with it). Ethan shows him a childhood pic and Benny just "baby that's not you?? that's a girl." and Ethan just Stares until Benny has his "oh. right." moment. any involvement Benny has with the topic of trans makes Ethan look at the camera like "he's a little confused but he's got the spirit."

He'll shoot ya in the head but Goddamn will he respect your pronouns and gender identity.

(for added hilarity: Benny's the only Chairman who's Like That.

Swank vc: get woke Benny.)

[laughingfcx]

OKAY ITS DUE TIME FOR ME TO SEND U A YAP ASK ‼️‼️😋 LINA SUGARPLUM MUFFIN LOLLIPOP HONEYPIE (by jawny???) HOW ARE YOU DARLING HOW WAS YOUR DAY GIVE ME THE RUNDOWN ‼️

so like im gonna yap about my week CAUSE IT FELT LONG AS HELL I PHYSICALLY TWEAKED OUT JUST REFLECTING BACK ON ALL OF IT‼️‼️

so as u know i was ill last week (was that even last week I CANT REMEMBER BUT IT WAS RECENTLY) and i was coughing up a storm at school on monday and tuesday IT WAS HELL ITSELF I SWEAR.

SO I HAD LIKE,, 7 TESTS? THIS WEEK? I THINK? a ton!! like wdym im getting a test thats not writing in journalism class? WHY ARE WE HAVING A HISTORY TEST IN THIS CLASS THATS SO WEIRD TO ME??? anyway... that and a spanish test and two math tests and two tests in my ap class and an english comprehension test i was not thriving this week

AND BY THE WAY, THE TESTS IN MY AP CLASS WERE LITERALLY RETAKES BECAUSE I WAS GONE REVIEW DAY CAUSE I WAS SICK AND HAD TO TAKE THE TESTS WITHOUT STUDYING AT ALL. THE TEACHER WAS LATE TO CLASS THAT DAY SO IT TOOK ME LIKE THREE ADVISORY PERIODS TO FINISH THE STUPID TESTS 💔💔

erm anyways all of that happened AND IM NOW THRIVING I FINISHED ALL MAJOR WORK AND MY GRADES ARE LOOKING UP SO YIPPEE!!! 

yesterday i went to the school football game with my friends!! our team kinda demolished the visiting team dude 😭😭 IT WAS LIKE?? 68-0???? LIKE DAMN OKAY LET THEM GET UP BROTHERS 😭

ALSO AT THE GAME THERE WAS A KISS CAM AND MY FRIENDS ENDED UP ON IT WE WERE ALL SCREAMING SOOOO MUCH 😨 IT WAS WILD LINA!!! BUT THE GAME WAS A TON OF FUN AND WE ALL HAD FUN SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS AND DOING RANDOM STUFF IN THE STANDS!!

SO THERES MY YAP! TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY AND WHATS BEEN GOING ON W U POOKIE 😋 HRU HOWS LIFE WHAT ARE WE DOING TOMORROW

HONEYPIE BY JAWNY !!!!! erm big yap under cut methinks..

HELLO HELLO MY DEAR SWEET LITTLE BIRTHDAY CAKE CARDBOARD BOX CARAMELIZED SUGAR STICK !!! iM DOING LIKE.. OKAY I THINK. SUPER TIRED OMW HOME FROM SCHOOL i slept 1.5hrs last night..

my freaky english teacher likes me. a h a h a anyways ive been getting into art moar >:3 again so i spent like half the time drawing and stuff help .. not when i needed to concentrate tho !!! i drew a fish person ish i will show u later. apparently everyone flunked the maths test so like i may end up on the news tho... my last three assessments were all straight A's but the highest grade in the entire class in this one is a B and idk man i might Die. also i think i did well in english bc.. the teacher seems satisfied w me.. SCHOOL IS CLOSED TMR SO I WILL LOCK IN AND WRITE MY SILLY SMAU METHINKS

my friend who i sat beside today let me draw my fish on her bandaid :33 she calls me fish too and i call her cat it's a long story basically but in eighth grade like.. back in 2022 we exchanged discords and my nickname was fishie and hers was neko so like .. fish and cat. oh and once a physics teacher referred to me as fish too help

im super eepy rn help.. started raining in the morning n i got hopeful that school would be cancelled but NO bc the universe HATES me

im going to change & pass out now i think highkey.

OK NOW !!! UR THINGS LETS SEE omg yes this week was so fkn long ewwww

IM SO SORRY AB UR STUPID TESTS <//)3 I HAD THREE ON SUNDAY ALONE LAST WEEK IT WAS SO BAD I FAKED BEING SICK ON TUESDAY (?) KIND OF.. LIKE I FELT BAD BUT NOT BAD ENOUGH TO NOT GO TO SCHOOL

IM GLAD UR GRADES ARE LOOKING UP !!! IF U LISTEN CLOSELY IM ACTUALLY CHEERING SO LOUD FOR U RN 😹

football game is insane (never seen one) 68 - ZERO ??? IS THE HOME TEAM THAT GOOD OR IS THE OTHER ONE JUST BAD PLS... ALSO LIKE WHAT !!!! kiss cam sounds like sm fun !!!!

okay pause to say that this ask is literally makign me so happy rn idk bro but im kicking feet i feel all warm n fluttery inside

OK BACK ON TOPIC im so glad u had fun <333 that experience seems so amazing like omg !!! ik youll remember it for a WHILE i long to experience that kind of fun again omg

OKAY ANYWAYS MY DAY RIGHT !!! i cancelled on my maths teacher + postponed his class to tmr bc i want to sleep and grind genshin and watch a movie or 2 !!! im thinking everything everywhere all at once ive wanted to watch it forever but never really had the independence to do so like i do now !!!! my big toe hurts for some reason idk :/// AND IVE BEEN HAVING SUCH BAD NAGI BRAINROT RECENTLY OMHHHH LIKE MY MAN.. MY MAN..... SAVE ME NAGI SEISHIRO SAVE ME..........

aaaaa where was i !!! oh yesyes so i was thinking moot tags right ... bc i need smth cute for u.... bc ur so cute....

UM YES THATS ALL FOR TODAY I HOPE UR SLEEPING WELL & DM ME WHEN U SEE THIS !!! not for any specific reason just say hi bc imy (we literally talked a few hrs ago) ily sav !!!! PS CONGRATS ON MAKING THE MAGAZINE TEAM IM SO PROUD OF U !!!!

[somejazzinthemorning]

tightrope. 03

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Original Female Character Warnings: Language Word Count: 7.241 Previous chapter: 02.

Drowning myself in work is my go-to coping mechanism for more than half of my problems.

I'll either resort to racing or tracing brand strategies in an attempt to avoid having to face whatever problem throws my way and, that night, being 11 pm on a Wednesday, my laptop and the small whiteboard on my desk became my saving grace.

Despite the burning eyes and my aching back, after hours sat at my desk, my mind was still racing, high on whatever feelings the brush of his lips had evoked in my body. I fell asleep to the memory of his eyes and the velvet lips.

There was no way to escape it. We were already falling.

I woke up late, the next day.

My phone had a full wall of notifications ready to present me. A single text in the middle of the dozens of work-related emails, most of them answers to the ones I’d written during the night and scheduled to be sent in the early hours of the work day. I only realised I was smiling, probably high on my own expectations, when I felt my smile drop, after seeing who sent the text. Amanda. Not him.

“those updates on the project at 3 am??? r u okay?”

“sorry! i remembered to schedule the emails, but forgot about the notes on the project.” "got some good work done, tho”

"need to take a moment to reread all of your incoherent notes” "all that rambling is… wow” "BUUUUUT come to the office” "the things from the berlin store just arrived, you will love them”

"can’t make it today” "send pics!”

"come tomorrow, then! ill get churros for breakfast”

My phone went back to the nightstand and I pulled up the comforter, wrapping it around myself in an attempt to find some security and calm of mind. I peered out from under the comforter, staring at the dark room, only lightened by some streaks of light created from a gap in the blinds. I was still tired from the night, and my mind scrambled from everything we had shared.

Eventually, I left the bed. My mom was downstairs, and a copy of Shadow of the Wind rested on the kitchen counter while she cooked lunch. Frank Sinatra played on the old record player in the living room and the music continued to stretch around the house as we ate together. Luckily, her birthday party was keeping her busy; busy enough that she didn't remember to ask me about the dinner from last night.

Truth be told: I'm a terrible liar. I would never be able to escape her questions.

At the end of the day, I met Rocco for a workout, in a nearby gym. He was waiting for me, leaning against the reception counter, teal Puma t-shirt paired with an amused smirk; I knew he was more than ready to put me through my paces. And I was right. It only took me a couple of exercises to lay on the floor, panting and sweating."Have you thought about what you're doing next season?" I looked up, in the direction of the voice. Rocco was standing in front of me, holding my water bottle.

I sat up straight and extended my hand to grab it. "Not yet," the water was cold and refreshing. Just what I needed. "Maybe a third year in the Challenge and," I paused to breathe. "You know, the reserve seat. Not ideal, but yeah."

He frowned, sitting down on one of the plyo boxes near me. "But yeah?"

"Yeah. Works." I answered, laying back down on the green turf. The small fake grass ticklish on my legs and arms. "Not much, but it's racing."

"I think I'll pretend you didn't say that."

"Why? It's just how it is."

He cleared his throat, the deep sound making me open my eyes and stare at him again. "Up," he commanded, refusing to help me get up. I brought the hand I'd just held up to the floor, to help me get up.

"I thought we were done," I said. He didn't even need to say anything to make me understand that we were, in fact, not done. "Are you mad?"

“Annoyed,” he turned back to me. “What the heck was that answer? Of course, a third year in the Challenge and a reserve seat in WEC are not ideal. I was hoping for a real answer, not some… whatever that was.”

“It’s the reality,” I shrugged. Instead of turning back and going back to do whatever he was about to do, he just kept looking at me. Not the conversation I was hoping for today.

“You had a plan. What happened?” He asked.

“Nothing happened. I had a plan. And it’s going as it’s possible.”

"Excuses, Eva," Rocco exclaimed. He stepped forward and looked me in the eye. "You have a plan. You know what you want. And you have the talent."

“Congrats, you just solved gender inequality.” I gave him an ironic thumbs up, my mind still scrambled from the efforts of the workout and the encounter from last night. This kind of conversation was not what I wanted.

“You’re more than capable of getting a decent seat next year.”

“As we know,” I wiggled my finger between both of us, “It’s a tough path. Being capable won’t get me a seat. ”

“Locking yourself in an office keeping track of TikTok trends will?” I sent him a look. He held up his hands in defence. “You’re making excuses. There are other drivers fighting for the same things as you are and they are not taking no for an answer.”

“Neither am I.”

"Come on," he chortled, eying me carefully. I could tell that he wanted the best for me, but I was not really in the mood to discuss this at the moment. "When was the last time you actually planned something for yourself, and not just some new fashion designer or boujie vegan chef?"

I felt a little bit of annoyance creeping its way up my spine. I had been pushing myself so hard for the last few months, and I was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with all the pressure.

“Can we focus on the races I have left to win?” I asked, my voice taking on an exasperated tone. “We can talk about this after I win this championship?”

“Sure.” He bent down to grab a 15 kg power bag from the floor and dropped it off at my feet. "This wasn't planned, but that self-pity is annoying me."

“A punishment?" I took my hands to my hips, a light chortle abandoning my lips. "Burpees and never-ending lounges? That's what you think I need right now?"

"No, no burpees," he said, his grin widening. "But maybe a few extra lounges wouldn't hurt." He was clearly enjoying this. I rolled my eyes and glanced down at the power bag in front of me.

“It was not—”

He cleared his throat, cutting me off, and I went silent. Then, looking at him, I saw that he was grinning at me once again, content. Yeah, it was self-pity. Yeah, the future is scary, especially when you’re a 25-year-old woman in motorsports and your career seems to be stuck.

I took a deep breath and bent over to pick up the bag, the cold weight of it dragging my body down to the ground. Rocco took a few steps back and then motioned me with his head to start.

"Andiamo," he said. “20 steps back and forth. Three series.”

So I did. I started lounging with the bag, back and forth across the green patch of turf on that side of the gym, trying to keep a steady pace. With each step, the pressure of the bag weighed me down. I kept going, pushing forward and gritting my teeth against the pain. When I finally reached the twentieth step, I dropped the bag and breathed out, my body aching from the effort.

By the end of the third series, I had pushed my body to its very limits and back. I sunk down onto the cool grass beneath me, feeling the relief of the softness beneath me—my muscles aching and my body dripping with sweat, my hair matted to my neck and temples.

Rocco sat near me, guiding me through a couple of moves, helping me to loosen my tight muscles and stretch out my body. Despite the big (and somewhat threatening) muscles he had a gentle touch.

“What’s on your mind?”

"Hm?" I frowned, my eyebrows furrowing together as I closed my eyes, feeling his hand pressing down on my thigh, pushing it firmly against the hard floor. I could feel the pain radiating through my body, but I tried to focus on the sensation of his grip.

“You always complain this hurts,” he said. I opened one eye. Now, I could feel the pressure from his grip. Probably something shifted on my face because he instantly asked, “Now it hurts?”

"It hurt before, I was just distracted." I shook my head, closing my eyes again and focusing on the sensation of his grip. “I’m free to feel like shit when things go badly." I let out.

“Things are not going badly,” he sighed, leaving my leg and switching to the other. “You’re simply letting yourself fall behind.”

I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, my head falling back against the floor. I stayed there for a few moments, my heart pounding against my chest and my thoughts racing a million miles per hour. When I finally opened my eyes again, I looked up at Rocco, this time because I felt my thigh burning with discomfort, he was still looking at me, waiting for an answer.

"Too much." I glanced below while patting his arm. He raised an eyebrow, implying more pressure. "Ei!" I scrunched my nose. He just arched a brow. Sadistic fucker. “What? Are you going to hurt me until I hold someone at gunpoint and ask for a seat?”

“You talk like you don’t have good offers, Eva.”

“What is a good offer? Driving against 19-year-old boys in Formula 3? It’s humiliating.”

“W Series?” He suggested.

“I want to race with men and show people I can win against them.” I sat down. Rocco took his hands from my legs. My muscles tingled with the same intensity my thoughts did. “I like the Challenge because I’m showing them I can do it. But the team does not have a budget to race in other series. And I can’t be a reserve forever. So I can do another year and hope things change.”

“See? You’re choosing to fall behind.” He took a deep breath, understanding my frustration. "You can always look for sponsorship," he said, his eyes focused on the floor. "You have the talent, the connections—"

“I spent my teenage years sending letters and desperately trying to talk to people. You saw how that went.”

“You have results to show them, now. In two weeks you’ll have a championship.” I dragged my hands over my face. Instant regret. Both my hands and face were tingling with the same intensity my thoughts did. “W Series will give you exposure. Will give you points. You need points..”

“Why are you so interested now?” I arched an eyebrow, feeling a bit suspicious. “The year is long. Anything can happen. A lot can change.”

“I just don’t see you planning ahead.” He deadpanned, his expression unreadable. “What if you can’t do another season of the Challenge? Will you be content with just being a reserve in WEC?”

“Why so many ifs?” I asked, still feeling a bit apprehensive.

“Motorsports are unpredictable,” he replied, his voice steady and sure. “I’ve been around long enough to know that. And I’m your coach, not just a trainer. It’s kinda my responsibility to do this.”

“Nah, I’m not having it.” I paused, still not entirely convinced. “Do you know something I don’t?”

Rocco just shook his head. The dark strands of his hair moved in unison. “Eva—” He shrugged. I could see the wheels turning in his mind. Whatever he was about to say, it seemed like it wasn't completely true. "One," he continued; his tone shifting. "I don't want to be left without a job when you get bored of racing." I threw my towel at him, though I knew he was only joking. Unfortunately, he dodged it. "Two," he continued, "you're racing like a pro. You should race with the pros."

At least, in one thing he was right. I was racing like a pro.

On the other hand, I was not acting like one.

My team and my dad, the main sponsor, were the only support I had. Despite having other offers, none met our expectations. I had been a third, fourth, or fifth driver for too long. I had spent too much time in the garage, running simulations, and taking part in test sessions. Years of it. Each of these experiences had demoralized me.

Racing in the Challenge, learning with my team, taking time to understand the car and driving it to a podium made sense to me. Standing in the garage and hoping for someone to get food poisoning or COVID was not only morally wrong but also quite dull.

“Did you make this whole drama when Rio told you he wanted to stop racing and just go to college and become an engineer?” I asked, getting up from the floor and picking up my towel, still lying on the ground.

“It was worse actually,” my trainer said, following me. “I think I almost killed him when he told me.”

“We make quite the pair, don’t we?”

He smiled and nodded. “Yes, you do. Your poor father has his hands full with you two.” We stopped walking when we reached the locker room. “Go have a shower and get some rest.”

The second I reached my locker and opened the wooden door, I reached for my phone, looking for a message that hadn't arrived. Pathetic. A part of me considered taking the initiative and being the one to call or text him but, to be honest, what was left for me to say?

I had already told him everything by asking him not to kiss me and I might have told him even more by refusing to let go of him.

The office smelled of churros, so I knew Amanda was around. Either that or someone else had the same idea as her.

Familiar faces smiled back at me as I crossed the corridors and the work areas until I finally reached the common area and took one of the available seats. Since I had chosen to work remotely, and only visited the office casually for occasional meetings or when I needed a place where I could focus, I wasn't given an office.

The room was filled with the buzz of people chatting and the occasional laughter, making me feel a bit out of place. I knew most of them (read: I knew their names and which projects were under their purview), but rarely talked to any of them. Amanda, one of my friends from college, and the one who had introduced me to this agency was the only one I regularly talked with.

I sat down in my chair and pulled my laptop out of my bag. After talking with Rocco yesterday, I decided to take action on my career and spent last night looking at emails and reading my dad's notes on the sides of those he considered important enough to print. So, when I opened my laptop, my screen showed me my Notion board, which honestly felt like a showcase of my own failures. Not the first thing I wanted to see that morning.

A knock on the glass divider of the office made me lift my head up and find Amanda on the other side of it. A beautiful purple jumper highlighted her beautiful curves; her hair was pulled up in a ponytail. In her hands, a white box.

I waved at her.

“Vamos,” she motioned with her head. “Before anyone tries to steal these from me.”

I smiled and grabbed my laptop, zipping it up before getting up and walking towards her. “You know I have an important weekend ahead, right?”

She laughed, opening the box. “A churro won't weigh you down, don't worry.”

I took one of them and walked near her to the cafeteria. The morning light was soft, and the day was not too warm. Ideal to sit on the balcony and talk for a while. So, that's what we did. I grabbed coffee for both, while she walked outside.

The sunshine on my skin was just a slight warmth as I leaned on my chair, and the smooth breeze of the morning cooled off my skin. Traffic sounds in the background, the ruffle of chairs and the occasional bark of one of the dogs playing on the balcony of the start-up that shares the building with us.

While having a sip of her coffee, I noticed Amanda's eyes widening, and I could practically see the bell ringing in her mind. Instantly, my brows were drawn together. Brace yourself, Eva.

"So, I heard on Twitter dot com…" I rolled my eyes at the last part, and despite provoking a small chuckle from her, she didn't stop talking and her gaze still remained twinkling mischievously. "Carlos was in Mugello last weekend."

Oh, for fucks sake.

"If that's what Twitter says, it must be true."

"Yes. So," she paused. Her head tilted slightly, honestly looking like a pup who saw a threat in the distance. "Did you two talk?"

I shook my head; my fingers busy on the handle of my mug, desperately trying to seem unbothered by the question. "Nah, we didn't talk."

"You sure?" She asked, her eyebrows raised in suspicion.

"Yes, I'm sure," I said, my voice steady. "It's not like we're friends or anything."

"That's too bad," she murmured, a hint of disbelief in her voice. "It's not like Carlos and your brother are still like, the best of friends and maybe— maybe he went there to visit him and you end up talking?"

I sighed. "Stop it."“You're a terrible liar, Eva.” Amanda said bluntly, her gaze intense.

“Amanda,” I said, my voice stern and my eyes piercing. "Stop it."

“So, you talked.” Amanda gave me a knowing look. "I knew it. I saw those tweets and I realised we had barely talked this week, and that only happens when you're too busy overthinking. And then boom, I woke up to dozens of notes made at 2 am? You always go to bed early." She crossed her arms, her gaze still intense. "Come on, just tell me what happened. If it’s not him, it’s anything else. That worries me too. I'm here for you, no judgement."

I sighed. "Fine," I said, setting my mug down and leaning back on the chair. "We talked. A lot. We actually had dinner."

Amanda's gaze softened, but then she frowned again. “Dinner? The three of you?”

“The two of us.”

"Just the two of you?" Amanda's eyes widened in surprise, lips smiling brightly. I nodded to her question. "What did you talk about?"

A part of me wanted to end it there. The other part of me needed some guidance. And Amanda was a friend, she always had good advice. On the downside, she loved to gossip. But we were friends. Guidance. But gossip.

I shrugged. “Just normal things. Racing.”

“Okaaaay, that’s good.” At this point, her lips were curving up like she was the one having dinner with him. I couldn’t decide if her reaction annoyed me or made me happy. "So, what now? Are you going to keep in contact with him?"

I shook my head. "I don't think the dinner changed anything.” Liar.

“Eva,” she propped her elbows on the table. “You’re a terrible liar. Spit it out. What happened? If you don’t want to talk about it, tell me that. Just don’t lie.”

Talking about it would make a big deal. A bigger deal, actually. I dragged my hands over my face, tired and confused. Thinking about it was challenging enough and I truly didn't want to transform all my confusion and emotions into words. Amanda, on the other hand, couldn't hide the fact that she wanted the truth, her gaze so strong it almost made me melt over the iron (and obnoxiously red) chair I was sitting on.

So I told her. Every single detail. From the glorious vision of him under the bright lights of my garage, which for a second made me feel like I was living in an alternate world, through the call at dawn, to his gauze under the beautiful sunset glow. His warm, velvety lips brushing against mine. I told her about the “I think I might have loved you, too”, and the way that even in my dreams I couldn’t seem to forget his scent when he hugged me goodbye.

I felt so exposed, so vulnerable, as I spilled my heart out onto that small table, and when I finished all I could hear was the sound of her sigh. A ridiculous rom-com kind of sigh.

“I just feel like we messed it up because of pure desperation,” I said, crossing one leg over the other and looking around. “He messed it up. I think we just missed each other so much we… I don’t know. Got confused on the feelings?”

“He messed up?”

“I didn’t kiss him back. I just asked him to please, don’t.” It was more ridiculous saying it out loud now than when I recalled the moment in my mind.

“You’re even stupider than I thought,” was her answer. I arched my brow. “The guy cooked for you, at his place, told you he “thinks he loved you too” and tries to kiss you and now you’re mad because he didn’t text you?” She paused. “What the hell will he say? Of course, he won’t text you. What would you say to someone after being denied a kiss? Text him yourself.”

“No.”

“Why not?” Why not? I asked myself the same question. Because I can’t trust him to stay. Better, because I can’t trust him to not leave. “Don’t be stubborn, come on. Just by looking at you, I know you’re dying to get that kiss.”

“Can’t we go back inside and talk about work?”

“Oh, no, missy.” She shook her head. “Those AB tests can wait. I want to talk about you and how you’re so dumb you might lose the chance of your life.”

“You’re exaggerating. As always.”

“Eva.” She was stern, her eyes burning on me. “He was your best friend. At least try to mend that friendship. Even if you don’t want anything else. Whatever the reason.”

I sighed, bowing my head in defeat. Amanda had a way of making me see sense, even when I didn't want to. "And if I can’t see him as a friend but still can’t give a step in the other direction?”

“Then, you give it time. Just don’t give it too much space.” She got up from her chair. Mug on one hand. The empty white box on the other. “Remember how that worked up last time.”

Fact one about Amanda: she was probably the most curious person I knew. Any arguments in the office, celebrity rumours or gossip of literally any kind she knew by heart, down to the last detail. And while that was remotely irritating, especially at exhausting times, like during Amber and Johnny’s trial, or when (especially when) the news broke about Pique and Shakira's divorce, it could also be a blessing. At least from my point of view. Perhaps all the stories contributed to her having a broader view of relationships and, as a result, being so good at giving advice. Fact two: there was no one more insistent than her, so, evidently, she couldn’t leave the office without reminding me to text him.

It was 5 pm, and I was utterly absorbed in the presentation for the new restaurant. I was head down, consumed by the details of culinary and marketing analytics, and, to tell the truth, my mind was so focused on this project that I couldn't really think of anything else.

Amanda was getting ready to leave. Jacquemus purse over her shoulder and a strong pink lipstick on the place where a less saturated one had been during the day.

“You stay?” She asked me.

“Aham,” I briefly made my eyes leave the screen to look at her. “I need to finish this. Next week I’ll be too busy.”

“You leaving for Italy on Monday?”

“Tuesday,” I corrected her, my eyes going back down to the laptop. “Don’t want to leave this to the last minute.”

“Okay. I’ll try to have a look at it before you leave. Also,” my eyes went up again. “Send the man a good luck text.”

I sighed, rolling my eyes at her. "He doesn't need my luck text.”

Amanda nodded, her eyes still twinkling mischievously. "Okay, send him a whatever text, then. An emoji. Like his Instagram story.”

“I’m afraid liking his story won’t work.” I leaned back on her office chair, which I had taken in the middle of the day when she needed to leave for a meeting and left me to use her small office.

“Text him, then. Anything. I wouldn’t let Carlos Sainz escape, but you do you, babes,” she shrugged, turning her back to me to walk to the door.“Enjoy the weekend. Besos!”

“Bye!”

I didn’t text him. Of course. In the same way, she was insistent, I was stubborn.

Actually, let me rephrase it.

I didn’t text him then.

Mid-afternoon, Rio had called inviting me to dinner, and when I asked about the kids, he told me he had booked a nanny, so they would stay home. It was either business or pleasure. I didn't need to ask; as soon as he mentioned my dad was invited, I knew we'd be discussing business. And after Rocco's worries last night, I knew it was partly my business, too.

My nerves were on edge as I prepared to leave the office. They only worsened as I neared the restaurant - a way too fancy place for a Friday dinner with the family.

Crossing the sidewalk, my heels clacking on the cement, my head spinning from the long hours in front of my laptop, and the anxiety building in my chest, I looked inside. My dad was seated at the end of the table, with an empty seat to his right - the seat I was supposed to take. Marjorie was already waving at me. Smiling politely to the man standing at the door, I said, "They're waiting for me." He nodded and let me enter.

My eyes drifted to their table, and I allowed myself a few seconds to study the mood. They were laughing, but my palms were still sweating as I settled in for what would surely be an uncomfortable conversation.

"Sorry, traffic," I said, punctuating my apology with a kiss on each of my parents' cheeks. "Am I too late?"

"No, no," my dad said, his voice warm and comforting. "Your brother was about to tell me something, but you just distracted him. Go ahead, Fabrizio."

I turned to him, curious.

"I'm sure we can wait a bit more. Just... after the food," he said.

"Why are you so nervous?" Marjorie asked, her violet fingernails softly laying over his arm in a gentle caress. "It's something good," she said to me. "Don't worry."

"Are you pregnant again?" my mom asked.

"No! No, no!" my sister-in-law responded quickly, her voice almost echoing in the room. Even Rio seemed surprised by her rapid response. "It's Rio's news. Not mine."

“After the food, then,” my father said.

“I hate it when I do that,” I muttered to my brother, grabbing the menu from the table and letting my eyes drift through the print. “You haven’t ordered yet, right?”

My dad shook his head. "We were waiting for you.”

I glanced at the menu one last time before setting it back down. My dad's hand called for a waiter and, after the young man left, the conversation resumed. As usual before any Grand Prix, the race weekend was the matter on the table and, that night specifically, Carlos' penalty was the urgent matter. Ferrari had the pace and Carlos had the skill, but as I sat there, hearing my brother and dad's input on how wise the choice had or hadn't been, my attention diverged to the DNF he had suffered in Austria, less than two weeks ago. Vivid images of the flames engulfing the car, the heartbreaking words on the radio, and the cheers that echoed through the crowd as his teammate stepped onto the top step filled my mind.

One feeling the glory, the other one consumed in ruin.

“Good luck out there this weekend.” "Don’t pull another Austria. That one was scary.”

Done. I’d texted him. For better or for worse, it was done. And I didn’t have time to put the phone back in the purse before it vibrated again in my hand.

“Thank you. I really need it.”

I checked the time.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“I’m resting." "Listening to my teammate rant about food, but resting.”

“Why? Did you tell him about the cheese-less pasta you tried to feed me?” “If I expect Leclerc to teach you something is how to cook pasta."

"He’s a terrible cooker.” “I’m better learning it from you.”

"I’ll be sure to give you a lesson someday."

"I'll hold you to that."

  "What are you smiling about?" Marjorie asked, my attention immediately being grabbed from my screen to the table.

"Nothing, sorry," I said quickly, tucking my phone back into my purse. "Amanda just texted me about the work I was finishing.”

"Ah, Eva, if you put that effort into racing…" he said, as the waiter came back with our food. I tried to ignore him, especially because there was no use fighting back his comment.

Even with the food on the table and the anticipation to find out about Rio’s news tugging on my chest, the conversation didn’t go further from Formula 1. My dad, a lifelong Italian Ferrari fan and a very biased Carlos supporter was ranting over the lack of professionalism he was sensing from the team and how the choices they repeatedly made ruined not only the drivers but the prestige of the team. Nothing new. Rio and I have been listening to the same tirade for a long couple of years and nothing seemed to change, even after the amazing start to the season the team had.

“I had my reservations at first, but you could be a nice fit for the team, actually”, my dad said, pointing at Rio, with the knife he was using to cut his steak. Rio looked confused at him, and then, at me. “Have they given you an answer?”

What?

For a moment, I felt like I’d fallen on a different table, a completely different conversation. My gaze shifted from one to the other, confused by my father’s question.

“Who’s they?” I asked. Marjorie was biting her lip; her violet fingertips on my brother’s arm, once again.

“Ferrari,” my father responded, clearly stepping over my brother’s feet. Rio seemed bothered; clenched jaw, restless fingers that Marjorie tried to calm by positioning hers over. “Are those the news?” He asked him.

Rio nodded, his jaw unclenching and his lips transforming to a slight grin. "Yep. They offered me a job." He looked around the table, his gaze caught mine for a second but quickly left again. “I need to let them know my decision until Monza.”

“You applied for a job at Ferrari?” I asked. Honestly, I was so confused I couldn’t piece all the things together. “We’re doing so good at the Challenge, you could have waited for just one m—”

“Eva.” My dad interrupted me. The strong stern voice pulled my attention. The authority value of his words over the sweet comforting voice of the beginning of the dinner. The mood had definitely shifted “Wait? You’re the one that’s always urging the team to aim for higher heights.”

"Exactly. The team won't do that without Rio."

"But your brother will. And so will you." I tried to interject but with no success. He continued before I even had the chance to talk. "You can't possibly think your brother would stay with the team knowing he could have this huge opportunity."

"I didn't know about any opportunity." I was replying to my father, but my eyes were directed to Rio. "What about the team? And the Challenge?" I inquired.

"In less than two weeks, the championship will be over. I have no doubts you will win it. You're just losing time there," my father's tone was bothering me, but the fact that he was still cutting his steak as he talked was really aggravating my temper.

Rio, on the other hand, didn't react. His expression didn't even shift. He remained silent, eyes shifting between mine and dad's face. In his silence, though, he was telling me much more than he thought.

"This is not a formality," I said to my father. "Can you please look at me while you talk about our future?"

Finally, he put down his cutlery and remained silent for a few seconds. Deep blue eyes looked up at me, cold and serious.

"There's no future for you if you're afraid to take a serious step," he said finally. "I won't let your brother get stuck in the Challenge when I know he can do so much more. I won't let you make him fall behind because of you."

"Because of me?"

"Why else would he stay at the Challenge?" I stayed silent, feeling my fake sense of confidence being stripped away with the weight of my dad's question. The answer that my conscience gave me was selfish and I refused to say it out loud. I was afraid of staying alone, rather, I was afraid to see Rio flying solo in the higher aims I ambitioned for me and not being able to carry along. Only if he waited, we could jump up together. "Why would he choose anything less than Formula One?"

"So, you have it decided, then?" I asked Rio. "How did that even happen?"

His tongue crept in between his lips, eyes wandering on my face, afraid to reach my eyes. It was making me nervous. Not just because he was about to leave me, but because he didn't tell me about it, prior. My dad knew about it. He even thought that I knew about it. And like a lightning bulb lighting up on my head: Rocco knew it, too.

"It was proposed to me. The job. At Silverstone, a few weeks ago." Even though Rio was stuttering, and his words barely constructed a sentence, piece by piece it all fell together. "Apparently, Carlos talked to someone about you. About the Challenge. And he mentioned me, my results..." he explained. "Carlos invited me there for the Grand Prix and surprised me with an interview."

Why didn't it surprise me? Carlos. The “right time”, of course.

"Your results? Why hide this from me?” I asked, looking around the table. “Clearly, everyone else knows.”

“I wanted to tell you, but didn’t get the chance to do it.”

“But what?” I asked, half defeated, half annoyed. Angry, even. There was so much going on inside me, I couldn’t think straight. “You just said you had the interview in Silverstone. Weeks ago. You had plenty of opportunities.”

“I knew you would snap and react like this,” Rio tried to justify himself.

“Snap? I’m not—” I paused and took a deep breath. At this point, I was seething with anger. “I’m asking questions. I’m not… snapping.”

“You should be happy for me,” I would if I didn’t feel betrayed. “I know you well enough to know that you would react… badly to the news. Especially if you knew Carlos was involved**.**”

Even though his name was blinking on my head, in bold red letters, I tried to set apart his involvement in this story. So, I carried on,

“And you’re just going to do it? Leave the team, the whole project and ditch us? Without even consulting me?”

He shrugged. “I’m consulting you now.”

“This is not a consultation, Rio. Please.” A pause. “This is you telling me what you’re going to do, without even considering my opinion or the team that’s behind your great results.”

“Go ahead.” He made a gesture with his hand. “What’s your opinion, then? You are the one that’s always telling me to aim higher. This is my dream. Always has been.”

“What? Formula One? I thought your dream was to drive in Formula One. Or was that before you noticed you’re a shitty driver? Enlighten me.”

“Eva, enough,” the deep voice cut me off.

I felt like I was going to burst. I wanted to scream, to cry, to express my anger somehow. But my dad's stern gaze kept me in my place. I felt completely helpless and unheard.

“You’re being ridiculous,” said Rio, cutting through the silence. “Childish, even. Ungrateful.”

“Ungrateful? I’m not the one leaving.”

“Why does leaving need to be bad?” The question settled in for a second. “Grow a bit, and maybe you’ll get some good opportunities too.”

“Sure, maybe then my friends will get me jobs, too. Is that what you mean?”

“Enough.” My dad's fist hit the table, loud enough to silence us, but not to the point of attracting too much attention.

My gaze lingered on his clenched fist on the table. I nodded, forcing myself not to say anything else. I placed my napkin on the table and got up, making sure my chair wouldn’t make any noise when pushed back. Before turning around, I paused briefly, my gaze now resting on my brother. “Good luck with your new job.”

  *

  It didn't surprise me when I saw Carlos fly through the track the next day, setting amazing times in the qualifying session, despite the penalty waiting for him for the race. He was dancing with the car, tracing beautiful lines within the colourful ones Paul Ricard was known for. Carlos would start P19 the next day, only ahead of Magnussen, who also had a back-of-the-grid penalty.

I traded the interviews for a dip in the pool and lingered there for the remainder of the afternoon. Perhaps because I was not the best person to have around that day, my parents had left just before lunch and didn't get back until after dinner. Alone, with music echoing throughout the house and the crippling anxiety the events that week had provoked, I felt myself get lost in the doubts and uncertainties.

My phone rang when I was already getting ready for bed. On my nightstand, the name Carlos appeared over an old photo of both of us. Like I couldn't control it, I walked to the phone and sat on the bed. I let it ring a few times before picking it up.

“Hi,” he said. I just looked through the window, to the dark backyard. “No good luck text today?”

“Guess not.”

“And why's that?”

“Did you know Rio had an interview to work at Ferrari?”

“Yes...?” He paused. “Is that a problem?”

“Did you know he got a job offer?”

We both fell into a moment of silence. A long sigh stretched through the line. I closed my eyes, not sure what to expect from the conversation. The next time his voice was heard, it was more serious.

"Can we stop asking questions instead of answering them?"

"The timing is funny," I said. "Just that."

"What do you mean?"

"You coming to Mugello? Was that a coincidence?"

"Eva, what?" Carlos was silent for a few seconds. "Don't make this into a drama," he said. "Rio is talented and if he got a job offer it's because he earned it. The things are not remotely related."

"I'm not complaining about him getting the job."

"Then what are you complaining about?" Carlos asked.

"That it took you years to finally come back and talk to me and it happened just when he got a job in your team. Did you really want to talk to me or did he make you do that?"

"I didn't do it for him," Carlos said. "I did it because I wanted to see you."

"I wish I could believe you."

"And why don't you?"

"It's been three years. Coincidences don't just happen."

I could hear him breathe. Silence weighed down my chest. He wasn't denying it. He wasn't telling me why he was there, that night. "Can I see you this week?" He asked me, before a long sigh.

"No."

"I'll be in Maranello for a few days." I bit my lip, shaking my head to the void. "You'll be in Imola, right? I can go there—"

"I don't want to see you." I talked over him and then paused for a brief second. "Don't show up there, please. It's an important week and I don't really need more distractions."

“Eva, por favor.”

“Good luck tomorrow.”

I put my phone away and let myself sink into the bed, feeling nothing but the warmth of the comforters on my skin and the instant sense of security that came over me. I allowed my eyes to close and my mind to drift away, and before I knew it, a prayer for Carlos came into my thoughts.

I prayed for strength for both him and me, for us. I knew that, whether we were on or off the track, we would need to find a way to get through whatever was to come.

Next Chapter: 04.

Thank you for your support in the previous chapter! Carlos will become a more present character in the future. Pinky promise. Don't abandon me until that happens, please! <3

[bearambles]

would u be willing to send me your old hamzah fics if i come off anonymous 😭

hey guys a lot of people have been asking stuff along these lines!! so i wanna say a few things

1. i have really mixed feelings about this because i also really like the fics i wrote!! but i got some hate (deleted bc im sensitive LOL) and i realized i don’t know how comfortable i am writing smut for real people. some comments just made me think yk?

2. i think i will reupload the fics already written, and just not write anymore like them. this will be in the next few days tho because

3. i’ve been super busy with summer work. i swear i see all your requests for fluff/angst for hamzah and i promise ill write them! some are already in the works. i’ve just been fr slammed with work recently, im sorry!

i honestly didn’t expect any of my writing to get any attention at all, so i’m a lil overwhelmed by the amount of dms and requests telling me to reupload or upset with me for deleting them. im having a moral dilemma LMAO. anyways, i have two works that are almost finished that i’ll upload tonight, and the smut fics will be re-posted tomorrow or friday. i wanna edit them this time because i know there were some mistakes i wanna fix, and if im gonna post porn i want it to be good lolz.

thank you so much for the support and everyone being so nice about all this!! i’m a mess and i love u all , ty for your patience. you will be fed tonight!!

- bea

ps. i’m working on a list of people ill wrote for and what ill write for them. i like much more than just slushy noobz and would be happy to write things (including smut) for a lot of character. that list will be out soon too!!

[missingmark]

i need the next part of old habits die hard!!

― old habits die hard pt.2

The denial of your infatuation with Matt finally ends after a date with someone else. But once admitting to them, you try to spare yourself the heartbreak you've already known once before. The results of your attempt feel oddly similar.

‧₊˚ matt x fem!reader

‧₊˚ warnings: reader has nails done again and makeup on! also not proofread bc im tired and its 2 am :c ill do it tomorrow tho (?)

‧₊˚ word count: 1.9k (🙀)

‧₊˚ masterlist - part 1 | part 1.5 | part 3

‧₊˚ want to be on the taglist?

Ever since that fateful night, Matt’s hand would ultimately find yours at least four times a day. 

You still had to fully unravel how you felt about this, but the initial shock whenever his fingers traced yours shily at first, waiting for you to glance his way and give him a sign of approval wore off a lot quicker than you both had expected.

On some days it would be him to remember your little agreement first, he’d catch himself almost biting at the nail of his pinky, stopping himself mid-motion and looking around for you instead. He didn’t try to deny the smile that would spread across his face in anticipating of feeling your hand in his again, though he definitely tried to hide it whenever he finally reached you, his hand sliding into yours effortlessly before playing with the rings on your finger or letting his thumbs run across your knuckles.

On other days it would be you who’d catch him biting his nails, rolling your eyes but grinning a bit nonetheless you’d walk over, slowly and softly pull his hand from his mouth and take it into yours instead. You tried not to get flustered at the way Matt would stare at you whenever this happened, ignored his lovestruck stare and his mouth slightly parting, looking at you like you were the light of his life and he needed a moment to process the fact you were willingly touching him at this very moment. (Which actually was how he felt, though you weren’t aware of that yet.)

Your attempts at ignoring the pounding in your chest, your lingering looks on his lips and the heat that would rise on your face whenever you’d get a text from him, failed miserably. 

You were reaching a point of denial that, even you had to admit, was on the verge of being simply delusional, when you sat in front of a guy from your university, who had asked you on a date just about a week ago, back during those bright happy days in which you weren’t trying to desperately prevent yourself from falling in love with Matt. Again. 

You had always kind of liked him, he dressed well and he’d send you notes whenever you asked for them, though something was extremely off about him tonight and while trying to find some pathetic excuse of a reason why, a part of you deep down knew that you just couldn’t bring yourself to fully enjoy this date because he wasn’t Matt.

Stepping out of the restaurant you let out a sigh, the coldish air made you pull the jacket you had worn a bit closer around your body as you walked down the sidewalk towards the boys apartment.

Your thoughts were filled, no, plagued by Matt and the dilemma you were facing with your growing feelings for him. You thought back to your high school self, the way you’d always get unsure and insecure whenever you tried to find a reason why Matt never seemed to look your way, the way you’d spend hours at night staying up and contemplating calling him, telling him how you felt. You were sure if your high school self could see you right now, she would rip you a new one.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of your phone.

You pulled on your headphones, ignored your rising heartbeat, and picked up.

“Hey, Matt,” you smiled, his face popping up on the screen, a white shirt and his dangling necklace greeting you, the phone thrown somewhere on the bed and him leaning above it to properly greet you.

The smile that spread across his face, along with his arms on either side of the phone as he leaned over the phone were a sight you wouldn’t complain about if you weren’t so desperately trying to not fall in love with him.

“Hey, you,” he smiled back, pushing himself up from the bed again to reach for a sweater that had been laying somewhere on the side.

“Where are you? I thought you were coming over for a movie tonight,” he murmured, the view of his face blocked by the sweater he was folding.

A part of you was grateful you could finally focus on something else besides how ridiculously handsome he looked in the dim lighting of his room, while a different much more honest part of you missed his stupidly pretty face.

“Are you doing laundry?” You semi-fake gasped.

You could see him roll his eyes while he picked up another sweater. 

“Will you answer my question?” He ignored you.

“I’m sorry I’m just- I’m just so in shock. I come over like every other day for movie night but this I feel like this is something annually.”

“You’re so funny.”

“I feel like I should call your mother, let her know.”

“Okay.”

“Should I write this down in my calendar?”

Matt put down the last of his shirts, before picking up his phone.

“You’re so incredibly annoying, dear god. If you do end up coming over just know I won’t let you in,” he murmured, while walking towards the kitchen, leaning you against the wall as he starts making popcorn.

“Obviously I’m coming over, don’t you see I’m already on my way, stupid?” You smirked, pulling your phone away from you to better show the familiar houses of his neighbourhood you were walking by. 

Matt ignored your comment, instead he focused on your face during the short time that the street lamp illuminated it, the way your hair was done reminded him of the hairstyle you had during his last birthday, and the soft shade of lipstick you seemed to wear made his eyes linger even a little longer.

“Where were you?” He mumbled, the cookie he was eating, muffling his words.

You hesitated. Usually, Matt was the first person you’d tell about your dates, but this time, it almost felt wrong to tell him, despite the fact it was mediocre at best.

“On a date,” you murmured.

You couldn’t quite make out the look on his face after your words had fully registered in his mind, but it was unusually quiet, especially for a phone call with Matt.

“But it wasn’t any good, honestly,” you elaborated, mentally slapping yourself for feeling the need to give him reassurance that he wasn’t asking for and probably not in need of. (He actually very much was.)

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he apologised, “why not?”

“I don’t know, I guess he just wasn’t my type?” You replied, when in reality you meant to say, “He just wasn’t you.”

“I think he talked a bit too much for me, and we just didn’t have much in common.”

This was true, technically, you just left out the fact that the reason you weren’t able to participate in most of the conversations was because you weren’t listening but instead thinking about which movie you’d be watching in a different guy's bed tonight.

“Oh, so you’d want a guy who can listen well?” Matt questioned, moving back into his room.

“I mean, of course.”

“Maybe he also likes the same things that you do, the same music, for example.”

“Mhm, sure,” you answer suspiciously, having a feeling you knew where this was going.

“Someone who knows you really well? Maybe because he’s known you since high school?”

“I guess that would be nice.”

“Who’s also really tall, brunette and handsome?” He smirked.

You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, hoping the darkness outside was covering up your blush at his flirty comments, trying to stay composed as you mustered up all your strength to come up with a remark.

“Okok, stop describing Chris to me and let me in, I’m here.”

You’ve never seen someone's smile fade so quickly, though you saw him hold back a grin at your comment.

“Whatever, freeze out there.”

“I could always call Chris to-”

Matt ripped open the door before you could even finish your sentence.

After changing into some more comfortable clothes that Chris had lent you, (“Why are you wearing Chris’ sweater?” Matt had pouted. “I didn’t wanna wear any of yours, who knows when’s the next time you’ll fold them.”) you found yourself laying in his bed, a movie running in the back as you told Matt about anything and everything.

“- and so tomorrow I have to drive my sister to the hairdresser to get her hair done for later.”

Matt listened to you, though every once in a while his eyes would wander towards your hands, you had gotten your nails done earlier today (a part of him hoped it wasn’t for that date you went on) and he felt the strong urge to reach out and inspect it closer. 

As you continued talking he decided to act on his desires.

“I might even have to drive her to her prom, but I don’t know if I’ll make it since I have an assignment due till-,” your words dragged mid sentence, your focus shifting from the story you were telling to the feeling of his hand in yours.

He noticed your shift in demeanour instantly, frowning he pulled away in fear he had made you uncomfortable.

“What? Everything okay?” he leaned down towards you, which only made you even more nervous.

“I- yeah, I’m okay, I’m just..."

Thinking about kissing you?

A total idiot?

Quite possibly, totally falling in love with you again right now?

“...tired,” you settled on, sitting up a bit in his bed as you averted his eyes, knowing that he was definitely trying to hide a bit of hurt.

“That’s okay, here, I’ll turn off the movie and we-”

“I think I’ll sleep in Chris’ room tonight?” You blurted out, quickly getting up from his bed before slowly inching towards his door, only this time the two of you were looking at each other and the disappointment on his face broke your heart.

“Oh…yeah, sure. I-I’ll uh- I’ll be awake for a little while then, just in case you change your mind,” he mumbled, embarrassed and confused with a bit of hope in his voice that you’d just get back in bed and cuddle up with him like you’d usually do.

You nodded, your hand reaching towards the doorknob.

“Are you really sure you’re okay?” Matt checked in with you one last time, in reality just desperately hoping to find a reason for you to stay.

“Everything’s alright,” You hummed before heading down to Chris’ room, after knocking you bursted in.

“I’m in love with Matt,” you blurted out before he could even fully acknowledge your presence.

“Same,” he joked, his eyes still focused on the screen in front of him until he noticed your silence, finally meeting your glassy eyes and shocked expression he pulled off his headphones almost instantly, walking towards you before pulling you into his arms, letting you hug him back as tightly as you needed to before the two of you sat down on his bed, and talked.

That night both you and Matt laid awake at night, thinking about the other, and while you were trying to remember how you got over him the first time, Matt was hoping you were coming back.

Everything’s alright, you had said.

Matt sighed into his pillow, the lockscreen of you and him tormenting him even more as he checked the time.

Matt was going to hold you to those words.

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note

wee woo wee woo!! I'm sleep deprived 😁

on a serious note though, thank you so much for all the positive feedback :)) it really means a lot to me! seeing you all enjoy this i can't wait for you to see the other projects im working on!!

hope you enjoyed, luv u <3