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whatifxwereyou · 3 years ago

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Ashes Chapter 15: Same Old Story

Fandom: Mortal Kombat 2021

Pairing: Liu Kang x Reader

Summary: Some history for Y/N and some brotherly love from Cole.

A/N: when you so busy writing smut that you forget to update the story so you can get to the smut lmao. enjoy, fellow nerds.

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You were uncomfortable talking about personal things, particularly your history, but Cole deserved answers and he was a patient listener. Being a father, you weren’t really surprised by that. “When I was a kid, like… nine I want to say? Honestly my childhood is pretty blurry. Feels like another life.” You cleared your throat. “Anyway, yeah, around then I fell ill. I had these… fits, for lack of a better word. I didn’t understand what they meant at the time because I was well, nine. No one else understood them either. As an adult I know that I was experiencing prophetic visions. Honestly, they weren’t really prophetic then, I guess. That’s a word Raiden uses a lot for them. Back then they were rarely of future events. It was more like gaining deep insight into the lives of others. I could touch someone or something that someone else had touched and I would disappear. I’d see a glimpse of their history or their present. I was too young to interpret it.”

“Like touch telepathy? I’ve seen television shows about that concept. This stuff is hard for me to wrap my mind around. Too much like fiction.”

“I suppose that’s a good thing to call it. When I saw things, I would also black out. And have a fit. Like a seizure, I suppose. And when that was happening, I would often say things about what I was seeing or hurt myself. It frightened people. My parents took me out of town and I stayed with my grandmother. I was homeschooled after that. My parents saw it as an embarrassment if I recall.” You laughed at the idea of that now. That life was so far behind you that it didn’t matter how stressful it had been. Back then it had felt like the end of the world but as an adult, it was a distant memory. Those experiences had made you different and strange but they had also made you unique and special. You had embraced the things that had separated you from normality since then.

“Well, that’s awful.”

“Oh, no, no pity. It’s fine, really. That was world’s ago.” You waved off his disapproval of a parent being embarrassed by their child for things they couldn’t control. Cole really was a good guy. “I stopped having the visions at around twelve and while I was weak from being so sick, I fought to be normal afterward. My dad ran a dojo and so I grew strong again. I focused on martial arts. It was something that helped me find strength and determination back then.” You smiled at the memory. You’d always had a fondness for it in your heart. That was one of the first things you and Kung Lao had bonded over. Your father had taught Wing Chun and that was what Kung Lao specialized in. “With time my father could no longer teach at the dojo so he moved in with my older sister. I took over the dojo and then opened a shop in the old storage space to make extra money. I had every intention of moving away. I would never be more than a weirdo or a witch there. It was too small a town.”

“Did you ever get to?”

“I mean, I’m here now. That’s a long story though. I’m trying to keep this brief.” You chuckled. “We can talk about that stuff another day.” That was a more casual and personal conversation. This was personal but definitely not casual. If you didn’t have to share these parts of your life then you never would have. Much of it was still too raw. But Cole Young was curious about your past and you were curious about his. It was nice having another friend who wasn’t Liu Kang. You really did get along with him and his family.

“Fair enough.”

“About five years ago I was still doing the same. There had been a robbery across the street and the thugs came into my shop afterward. And, well, I’m not the type to roll over and be robbed.”

“I’d say not.”

“It escalated. There was a man who came in to pick up herbs I had imported for him every month who came in after. He ended up helping me out. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, I killed one of those would-be robbers. He’d been trying to kill me so… I have come to terms with that. That’s how I got the dragon mark.” You pointed to your back. Yours was on your lower back on your left side. “The man who helped me was Liu Kang. I knew him then and he was kind enough to help me deal with the fallout at the time. It took ages for him to convince me to that there was any truth to any of this… Mortal Kombat and arcana nonsense. It’s kind of embarrassing looking back at it.” And the story was far more complicated too. You’d been attracted to Liu Kang from very early on. “I guess that’s why I’m so patient with Johnny. It’s easy for us to know what’s the truth but when you spend your whole life believing that fairytales are made with computers and science? It’s difficult to believe anything else.”

“Yeah, I get that. Not everyone had Sub Zero rushing them into the truth.” He joked. That was true enough. But Johnny Cage had had his come-to-jesus moment that afternoon you were pretty sure. You hadn’t had a moment like that in the beginning. Just Liu Kang’s word and his arcana.

“Liu showed me his arcana but I thought it was a trick. He was very persistent at the time. Tried to talk me into leaving everything I had ever known for what I thought was a trick. I was scared, I’m not too proud to admit that. The part of me that wanted to leave home and never look back had grown smaller over the years. I’d become complacent. I’d grown comfortable being known as a witch and honestly, the next generation of people in town hadn’t treated me so terribly. The kids even thought it was funny that everyone thought I was a witch. But then… I found my arcana.”

“The ink?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty and under control now but in the beginning, it was a nightmare. The first time I used it had been on accident. I nearly destroyed my store. Then I fell and had a fit and I was suddenly seeing things again. Those things I saw didn’t make any sense. None of it. I saw flashes of people and places I didn’t recognize. The best way that I can describe it is… nonsense. It didn’t mean anything.” You sighed heavily. Those moments had been terrifying. “The second time had been even worse. If Liu hadn’t been basically stalking me then someone would have gotten seriously hurt. I’d hurt him but he’d been tough enough to handle it. I felt terrible about it. By then I’d more than grown fond of him.” You didn’t want to get into the details but it hadn’t exactly been difficult to fall into Liu Kang’s arms and it hadn’t taken very long either.

“There’s a lot of history there, huh?”

“Yes. Focus.” You wanted to get this story over as quickly as you could. “After that I decided to go with him. It wasn’t worth the risk of hurting people in town with something I didn’t understand. I didn’t want to leave but I was glad that I did afterward. Raiden’s Temple was where I had needed to be for what came next. It was awful at first. The ink and the visions made me sick. I had little to no control over any of it. Raiden helped me. He could unravel what I saw even if it was just spaghetti to me. My visions helped him. At least he said that they did. Liu helped me get control over my arcana. There I met Kung Lao and I was happy. About a year later the visions stopped altogether and I was stronger than I’d ever been.”

“And now you’re having them again? Out of nowhere?” Cole didn’t sound terribly concerned. He had handled all of this very well. It was nice not to be taken too seriously or looked at like you were about to fracture. You didn’t think the visions were out of nowhere. In fact, you thought that the visions were likely triggered by Kung Lao’s death. Trauma did funny things to people. The things that happened to you were a little funnier than most.

“I confess that I didn’t realize I was having them at first.” You shrugged. It was difficult to explain but it seemed as though, at some point, Cole had abandoned his disbelief and had embraced chaos. “They were more like nightmares. It was difficult to decipher what was guilt and grief and what wasn’t. It wasn’t until the other night on the roof that I even considered they were visions. Well, that and I feel terrible. I haven’t felt this terrible since the last time I had them.” You were a little embarrassed to admit that. If you’d been honest about what you were feeling from the beginning then maybe you could have done things differently. You just hated being weak. It was a hot button for you.

“And that was when you saw what happened this afternoon?”

“Kind of? I saw the beach and a wave of corpses coming for us. Does that count?” You tried to joke. Cole tilted his head as if to consider if it counted or not.

“It does at least explain why you were extra creepy this morning.”

“Implying that I’m always a little creepy.”

“The ink is a little creepy, I decided.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“But you’re okay? This morning was wild.”

Did you not seem okay? You supposed that you were feeling out of it after seeing Kung Lao’s death. You definitely weren’t feeling yourself but you thought that you’d hidden it pretty well. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sound a little morose.” Cole looked to the door like he had somewhere else to be. He probably did. He had a family and all that. “I can’t say we know each other very well but whatever happened back there must have hit hard… and I mean… you were so different at the end of it.”

“I’m fine, Cole.” You reassured him with a forced smile. You were a little morose. That was a good word for what you were feeling. You wanted to sleep for the rest of the week until you had to go back to China.

“Ally, Emily, and I are going to go grab dinner. You’re welcome to join us. You could probably use some food.”

“No, no. Thank you but I think that I have encroached upon your family time enough this week.”

“We really don’t mind. You’re good company. Allison asked if you were joining us, even.”

“Really, Cole. I appreciate the offer but I’m not up to it. My social battery is completely drained.” You offered a weary smile. It was nice to be wanted. “I’m going to rest.”

“You’re just… so off. I feel bad leaving you alone.” Cole pulled his phone from his coat pocket. “I’m considering asking if Ally wants to grab food and then bring Emily here to watch a movie with you.”

“It’s okay, Cole. I need the time alone, I think. Besides, I’m allowed to be a little under the weather after that.” You smiled even so. You didn’t want him to pity you. You didn’t need that. You really would be okay. That morning had been difficult but you weren’t prepared to say the real reasons why. You were a mixture of angry and hurt but you’d trudge through it.

“Yeah…”

“Hey, look, you don’t need to feel responsible for me just because of what happened with Kung Lao.” You would happily absolve him of any guilt he felt in that regards. He was guilty of nothing but being a good man.

“What?” Cole was genuinely surprised and you internally winced at how you’d miscalculated. You’d read the whole situation wrong and instantly regretted your words.

“I thought you might be feeling some misplaced guilt about it. I don’t want that for you.”

“Oh. Maybe that was why I approached you on the street that day but I think we’re past that. We’re friends now. Am I wrong about that?”

“Not at all. It’s been lovely getting to know you and your family. I really mean that, I’m not just saying it. You’ve managed to get me a little out of my head which is nice. And you like my jokes which I appreciate. I’m sorry about the way that came off. I wasn’t trying to diminish our friendship. I just didn’t want you to carry around that guilt, either.”

“That goes for you too.”

“It’s been a hard day. I’m not coming across the way that I mean to. Let’s say lost in translation.”

“It’s okay, Y/N. Your English is pretty good so I’m not sure that excuse works, but I’ll let it slide.”

“I know, I know… I’m being cold without meaning to. Like you said, I’m a little morose right now. I do this thing when my feelings are difficult to process where I kind of shut off and… I can come off as cruel without meaning to. Honestly, even in Chinese it doesn’t sound much better.” You couldn’t help but laugh at yourself. “I’m sorry.”

“No need. Today was a reality check. It scared me too. And you’re clearly going through something. I wanted to help, is all. Sometimes when I get too far into my head things snowball and become an avalanche.”

“I appreciate that.” You kicked your shoes off next to the bed and laughed. You had no plans of going anywhere else for the rest of the day. “I used to have Kung Lao to keep that from happening. I appreciate you trying to help but you can go get food with your family and enjoy your afternoon. I’m exhausted. I’ll probably nap or meditate on what happened today.” What you really meant was that you would do whatever it took to get it out of your head. You were going to try and forget the awful things you’d seen today. You weren’t sure you could forget it. His death was burned into your mind’s eye. It would haunt you for the rest of your life.

“I will but before I go, I wanted to talk to you quickly about Liu.”

“I would very much prefer if you didn’t.” You scrunched up your face in distaste.

“I know that I’ve been teasing you about it.” He laughed and you rolled your eyes. “But is everything okay with that? I know, I know… it’s not my business, you’ve said it a dozen times now. It’s clearly complicated. You don’t owe me any details but if you need help with it then say the word. I’m happy to help.” Was Cole Young offering to be your wingman? Or was he offering to beat up Liu Kang? Either scenario was kind of hilarious.

“I’m obviously defensive about it. I’m sure that it’s hilarious from the outside looking in but Liu and I have more history than I care to explain. I’m not ready to get into it with anyone. Not you and definitely not with Liu, either.”

“But that’s okay?”

“Yeah, it will be. I’m a pretty tough lady.”

“On a scale of one to ten just how supportive do you need me to be?”

“No scale. Just be yourself, Cole. You’re doing fine.”

“Even teasing you?”

“I’ve had worse teasing, trust me. I dated Kung Lao for years. Besides, it kind of lessens the frustration of it. Sometimes I get too serious and scary in my head. The joking grounds me a little.”

“Good to know.” Cole patted you on the back. It was nice having a friend to talk to. A friend that wasn’t Liu Kang. Not that you didn’t enjoy Liu Kang, things were just too complex between you right now. There was so much hurt and grief that you weren’t sure how things would pan out or if they would ever be fixable. And Cole was a good man. You enjoyed talking to Allison too and Emily had taken a shine to you. You hadn’t had the opportunity to be around kids in years and you were good with them at most ages. That was part of why you’d enjoyed running the dojo.

There was a knock at your door. You made to get up to answer it.

“I’ll get it. I’m on my way out anyway.” Cole stood and so you sat back down. You wouldn’t argue with him. Cole opened the door and there was Liu Kang, which was no surprise to you. You’d been expecting him to show up at some point. Who else would it have been, anyway? You were pretty sure that you’d rubbed Sonya and Jax the wrong way with all your talk of kidnapping. Cole stared Liu Kang down instead of greeting him and you tried not to laugh.

“Hello Cole.” Liu bowed his head politely in greeting. “I was hoping that I could speak with Y/N for a few minutes. Is she here? Did I come to the wrong room?” Liu peered around him and made eye contact with you. You offered him a curt wave.

“That’s up to her.”

You tried very hard not to laugh at the look of confusion on Liu’s face. He was bewildered.

“Of course it is.”

“You can come in, Liu.” You stopped that conversation before it got any weirder. Cole meant well, but wow.

“I was just leaving.” Cole clasped Liu on the shoulder as if to wish him good luck and then left, closing the door behind him after Liu had stepped past him. Liu watched the door close and then turned back to you. His expression was priceless. You’d have to thank Cole for that later.

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blitzturtles · 3 years ago

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Title: It Starts Like This, Ch. 7

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Vento Aureo

Pairing(s): BruAbba

Summary: Trish freezes in the doorway, mid-stride, but she doesn’t turn around. Her shoulders are tense, and she looks prepared to bolt at the slightest hint of trouble. It adds weight to his ongoing theory that she’s been steering clear of him, and now it’s time to confirm whether or not he knows why.

Notes: Turns out being dead has a bit of a long term effect. Who would have thought?

This fic got away from me, so I'm breaking it down by character interaction (sort of). This is Trish's chapter, which should be the second to last! I'll still write in this universe in the future, though they'll likely be one-shots going forward.

Bucciarati steps into the kitchen, expecting it to be empty. As far as he knew, the only three people at home were Narancia, Leone, and himself. The former is busy doing his homework in the library, while Bruno’s just left Leone’s presence to explore the contents of the pantry. Alone. Or so he’d thought.

A blur of pink nearly startles Bucciarati as badly as he must scare Trish, considering the way she nearly jumps out of her seat at the dining room table. Rather than sit back down, she’s scrambling up to weave past him. “Oh! Bucciarati! I’m sorry, I can- I can go,” she says, moving almost too quickly for Bucciarati to recover in time to catch her, much less speak.

“Wait, Trish.”

Trish freezes in the doorway, mid-stride, but she doesn’t turn around. Her shoulders are tense, and she looks prepared to bolt at the slightest hint of trouble. It adds weight to his ongoing theory that she’s been steering clear of him, and now it’s time to confirm whether or not he knows why.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Bucciarati says, speaking the words slowly. Carefully. He doesn’t want to chase her off before they have a chance to talk.

Trish sucks in a breath, but she doesn’t find the right words to reply despite the frantic look in her eyes.

Bucciarati decides that’s his cue to continue. “Since the day in Giorno’s office, you won’t stay in any room that I am in alone.” He picks his words as carefully as he can. He’s not offended, but he doesn’t know how to emphasize that to her while still getting down to the root of the problem. “Something’s bothering you.”

“I’ve just been busy,” Trish manages to squeak out.

Bucciarati doesn’t need to brush up on his interrogation skills to know that she’s lying. She isn’t particularly good at it, either. At least not when she’s trying to lie to him. Someone else, maybe, but he sees right through the brave face she attempts.

“Trish.”

“It’s nothing! Really!” She grabs the doorframe, as if he might drag her back into the kitchen when she makes a run for it.

“If I may be so bold,” Bucciarati starts, still careful, “You’re feeling guilty. You have been for a while.” He doesn’t need all of his life experience to know that. The look on her face screams it.

Trish wavers in place. Her hand drops from the doorframe, but only so she can wrap her arms around her middle. She hugs herself tightly, as if she can ward away the onslaught of reality. It makes Bucciarati feel guilt of his own for pushing the subject. Maybe she isn’t ready, but he doesn’t want her pain to continue over this. He thinks she’s done more than enough self-loathing, and the punishment is unjust. She’s committed no crime.

Blood once meant everything to Bucciarati. He killed for his blood, traded his life away to the mafia for a few short and illness-riddled years for his blood, but he would never assign the sins of the father to that of the child. Trish is not-- and never has been-- her father. She isn’t capable of doing half of the things Diavolo did in his life.

Trish’s breathing hitches, and it’s all the encouragement that Bucciarati needs. He carefully moves toward her, stepping around her turned back so that they’re facing one another. He brushes his fingers through her hair and tucks some of it away from her face. The first tear falls then, and it breaks his heart.

“Trish,” he repeats, hoping she’ll look at him, but he knows she won’t. All she does is tuck her chin into her shoulder in shame. If she can’t run, then she might as well try hiding. “This isn’t your fault.”

“I know,” she says. Lies.

Bucciarati sighs, though immediately regrets it when Trish flinches away from him. For lack of a better idea, he pulls Trish against his chest and smooths a hand over her hair. “You didn’t do this.”

“But you did it for me!”

Ah. There it is.

“And I would do it again,” Bucciarati reassures. “I didn’t expect our path to involve you, but Giorno and I had intended on taking down your father before we met you. You didn’t change that.” Though she had given him a renewed purpose. A reason to fight even beyond death.

“It doesn’t matter,” Trish insists with a voice that breaks halfway through.

Bucciarati can feel the wetness of her tears against his-- or, rather, Abbacchio’s-- shirt beginning to build as more fall. He continues to brush his fingers through her mass of pink curls. “You didn’t hurt me, Trish.”

“But he did, and he did it because you were trying to protect me!”

“Losing you wasn’t an option,” Bucciarati answers with a gentle squeeze. He lets his chin rest on top of her head and takes a moment to calm his own thoughts.

“Why?” She asks when the silence stretches on between them.

Bucciarati doesn’t think that’s the question that she really wants to ask. And he knows that she doesn’t want-- and won’t accept-- the answer, anyway. Because you deserve to live, he would tell her, if it would mean anything to her right now. He knows what she’ll say in response. Knows she’ll tell him the same, and that his life wasn’t worth her’s.

“You didn’t choose this life,” it’s a gentle reminder, but one that she apparently needs. Her situation is a result of her birth. There’s nothing she did to warrant any of this. “None of this is your fault.”

“Like you did?” Trish snaps the words at him, all sharp edges and surprisingly painful. “Why do you think you deserve this?” She’s demanding now, despite the snuffle in her voice. She’s more anger than unending melancholy, and it’s throwing him off, but not as much the words himself. He doesn’t have an answer to give. Not this time.

She deflates after a moment of receiving no reply and tries to pull away, but he won’t let her. He knows she regrets the words, but he understands why they hang in the air. Why she had to say them. It’s not as if she’s wrong, but that doesn’t mean he knows what to do with them.

“You save everyone around you, and- and for what?” Her hand slams against his chest, open palmed and far from painful. “Was it really worth it?” Her voice is no more than a whisper now.

“Yes,” Bucciarati answers; this time without hesitation, because this is an answer that he does have. A truth that he knows with absolute certainty.

Trish chokes on a sob, and Bucciarati pulls her against him once more.

“Why?” She repeats her earlier question.

Grief is a miserable thing, and he finds that question at the center of it so often. He remembers asking himself that on a loop for years on end without ever finding an answer that satisfied him after all the suffering.

Silence stretches over them once more, and he lets Trish cry with the question hanging between them. It doesn’t matter anymore. The important part is that he’s pushed past the worst of it. He’s confident now that she won’t continue to avoid him. At least not to the same degree. The healing will take time, but he hopes that she’ll allow him to take part in it. That’s all he could truly ask of her anyway. He wants to be there for the people he cares about when they need it, regardless of whatever’s happening in his own head.

“I’m sorry,” Trish says when her sobs slow, and she’s hiccupping more than gasping. She tries to wipe at the tears with frantic hands, but he interrupts her to offer the handkerchief from his pocket.

“Don’t be.”

After taking a moment to wipe at her face, she looks at him again and her expression shifts to mild horror as she takes in the mixture of snot and tears staining the front of his shirt. “Shit, I’m so sorry.”

Bucciarati can’t help barking out a short laugh. He squeezes her shoulder gently. “Ah, no harm done. It’s one of Leone’s, anyway.” The dismissiveness is only a joke. He’ll replace the shirt before Leone notices it’s gone, but he gets his intended effect when she lets out a startled laugh that has him smiling warmly at her in response.

“Oh, you were coming in here. Are you hungry?” Trish asks, suddenly remembering how their entire conversation started. She shifts her eyes to the table, clearly not ready to part ways now that they’ve worked through some of what’s been bothering her.

Bucciarati is more than happy to take the invitation. He goes a step further and turns it around on her, “Actually, I was thinking about having some gelato. Care to join me?”

“Depends,” Trish says with false hesitance. She’s teasing him now, and it makes him smile even wider in response, “What kind?”

“Stracciatella?”

Trish tries not to beam, and Bucciarati bites back an endeared laugh. She seems lighter now. Less restrained. She’s not trying to hide from him or avoid letting him see her emotions. There’s a weight off of her shoulders, and he’s glad that he could alleviate some of her misplaced blame.

“Can we eat in the living room?”

“I don’t see why not,” Bucciarati says with a shrug. It’s not as though they haven’t all broken that rule time and time again.

“You’re the best!” Trish calls as she bounces out of the room, presumably to find something for them to watch.

Bucciarati takes a moment to compose a text to Leone. A quick, barely legible update to the ‘Trish situation’, as they’d affectionately been calling it. Leone sends his response before Bucciarati’s phone touches the counter, and he bites back a fond smile, knowing that Leone must have been waiting for an update after so long. He’s doing his best to avoid being overbearing, but it’s not always easy.

Trish pokes her head back through the doorway before Bucciarati can set his phone back down, though she doesn’t give it a second glance before asking, “Are cartoons okay?”

“Depends,” Bucciarati says, reaching for the bowls. “Are they the ones Mista likes?”

“God no.”

“Then yes.”

#bruabba #abbabru #trish una #bruno bucciarati #bruno buccellati #bucci gang #part 5 #vento aureo #golden wind #jjba part 5 #blitzwrites #blitz #fic: islt

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aliendes · 4 years ago

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Natural Borns - Prologue

ahhh finally posting this fic that I’ve had a bare-bones outline for, for over a year. I absolutely adore the idea behind this fic and the world that I am creating for it. If you like what you read here, please follow my blog for updates. My goal is to update this series at least once every two weeks, but I will likely post the first few chapters in the next couple of weeks. I look forward to growing this au, reblog if you enjoy!

dystopian!au / futuristic!au

Series info/genre: Angset, fluff, (possible) smut NSFW due to darker themes Pairings: ot7 x fem reader (eventual) Warnings: this series will have different trigger warnings listed for each chapter (if there are any), but as a whole, this series will include violence, mentions of depression & other mental illnesses, cursing, abuse, drugs/alcohol, some shitty medical descriptions because i am NOT a doctor, self-esteem issues, fluff, and possible smut in future chapters (but that’s undecided). i will add more warnings/tags in the future if there are any. Description: In the year 2613, over half of the world’s population are what scientists consider ‘designer babies’. YN is a small town girl who is a true natural born, someone born naturally without he help of a lab or gene splicing. Her DNA is greatly sought after, but what is she willing to do to protect it? Word count: 1569 (future chapters will be longer, this is just a prologue!)

In a world where social status is determined by looks, it’s beneficial to have the label ‘designer baby’.

In the year 2613, over half of the world’s population are now what society considers a ‘designer baby’. This term designer baby, coined in 2051 when scientists in Sweden successfully incubated a baby to term by splicing different genes together, is what people call babies born in a lab. It is commonplace now for people to walk into a lab, go through a catalog of traits, pick out their favorites, pay a high price tag, and wait about 9 months for their baby to fully incubate. Then they can take their new bundle of joy home without all the pain (and sometimes heartbreak) of a pregnancy and labor. Most expecting mothers never go through pregnancy anymore, and labor and delivery wards have become nearly obsolete in the richer areas of the world. In their place, companies began to spring up on nearly every street corner that allowed hopeful parents to pick out their future offspring.

The process was actually incredibly simple. Scientists are able to take the DNA of both prospective parents, and splice their genes with other genes of their choosing by removing certain markers for things like eye color while not compromising the parents original DNA structure, and create a zygote in a lab. After about 9-10 months of incubation, this zygote will eventually become the perfect baby, or at least, those parents' version of the perfect baby. The only reason the practice took so long to take off was because of the many protests and movements that took place in the late 2000’s. After the first designer baby was successfully ‘born’, people began to protest the process, saying that it was ‘messing with fate’ and that people shouldn’t have that much power over other humans. After decades of fighting and protests, the first designer baby company launched in 2108, in Seoul, South Korea. Since then, there have been smaller groups and nonprofit organizations that try to fight against gene splicing, but it is mostly accepted worldwide.

Always at the forefront of technology, it was no surprise that the first designer baby company was in Seoul. Hundreds of years later, the largest population of designer babies and companies still reside in Seoul. Over 75% of the population of South Korea is made up of people who were created in labs and have the perfect balance of genes. Some call the country the most beautiful place on Earth. 600 years ago, people would say that because of its rich culture, and scenic countrysides. Now, it’s because the citizens are nice to ogle at.

Designer babies are so common in South Korea, that schools, office buildings, and even entire apartment complexes were built for them. In today’s society, your job, your relationships, and your status is determined by how beautiful you are. It’s easy to tell who is a designer baby and who isn’t. Most people born in labs have distinct features, mostly from the same pool of genes. You see, after a while, scientists started running out of natural DNA to use that people still thought was unique enough. Now, most designer babies have features that stem from the same catalogs, as they are the most popular. Sure, they’re pretty, but they’re beginning to look a lot alike.

Part of the reason natural DNA is so hard to find now, is because a lot of designer babies end up procreating with what scientists dubbed ‘natural borns’, or people with 100% natural DNA, and so most people's DNA is muddled throughout generations. These people are not good candidates for gene splicing as the outcome is not easily controlled. Coming across a true natural born is extremely rare these days and the ones you do find are almost always average looking in society's eyes, so labs don’t bother trying to splice them. It’s not that there are NO natural borns willing to give up their DNA. Companies have applicants all the time, what with the hefty sum they pay their donors, but most do not make it past the application stage once said companies determine their genes unusable for various reasons.

Another problem laboratories run into is the willingness of participants in donating their DNA. The process isn’t as simple as a cheek swab. Once applicants learn about the often painful procedures involved in donating, they tend to back out before signing a contract. These contracts, depending on the company, usually requires the donors to live on company property until they have successfully spliced their DNA. This process involves the donor to take different cocktails of drugs, be put under anesthetic, and be poked and prodded by scientists for weeks at a time. It isn’t the most comfortable thing to go through, but they’re often offered substantial compensation, especially now with the shortage of true natural borns. Some larger companies have been accused in the past of abusing their donors, locking them in prison-like cells and depriving them of food and water, treating them as nothing more than a business transaction, which has also caused natural borns to stray away from donating.

Finding natural borns, or at least partial natural borns isn’t all that hard, though, as most natural borns live in smaller communities outside of larger cities. Because the population of designer babies only continues to grow, most employers no longer hire average looking people. There are even separate schools and hospitals that cater specifically to natural borns, often run by natural borns, since there are a significant portion of designer babies who do not socialize with naturals. Naturals are often considered low-class, and are looked down upon by those in high society. The crime rates against natural borns is becoming increasingly high, which has unfortunately pushed a lot of them outside of metropolitan areas. This resulted in a new social hierarchy where natural borns are at the bottom of the food chain, often poor or even homeless, struggling to find jobs.

In recent years there have been more protests and rallies ran by both designer babies and natural borns who believe in rights for everyone, they are humans after all, to try and fight against the discrimination that is heavily ingrained in today’s culture, but not much headway has been made yet. Currently, all world leaders and politicians are designer babies, so going up against them hasn’t been the easiest.

Because protests are happening more often, companies are having to be even more discreet when it comes to ‘scouting’ potential candidates for donating DNA. They’ve become more desperate to find the new and innovating genes, something unique and different that will drive business in time where labs are a dime a dozen and new genes are hard to come by.

You would know all about that, though. You are living in a small rural town outside of Seoul with your mother and father, both natural borns. Your family has owned a peach farm for the last few decades and makes enough money to upkeep the small orchard by selling to local markets and restaurants. You’ve been approached multiple times by companies, offering enticing amounts of money to you and your parents, promising things like apartments in the city, college tuition, and fancy cars, if you sold them your DNA. You were a true natural born, a rarity, especially in Korea. Not only did you have pure DNA, but you were unique. You weren’t average looking, no you were ethereal, gorgeous, spectacular in many people's eyes. Not for the reasons that you would’ve liked, though.

People only wanted you for your DNA. Whether it be companies who wanted to splice your genes, or other natural borns who wanted to court you and keep you for themselves, breed you and sell their children off to make a quick buck. It was sick, and that’s why your family kept you close. After you graduated high school, you didn’t attend university and didn’t get a job. You stayed on the farm and helped out your father in the orchard. You knew the dangers of the big companies and citizens alike who only wanted to use you. It made you wary of people, shy, and sometimes insecure about your own person. Your parents did their best to keep you safe, shield you from the horrors of the world, and make sure you felt loved. But oftentimes, you felt lonely, left out, especially when you didn’t have many friends. You felt like an outsider, and even though you were considered incredibly beautiful, you didn’t feel like it.

Growing up wasn’t the easiest for you, having gone to a poor, all natural born school from preschool until you graduated. You didn’t have many friends, most of your classmates bullied you, telling you that you didn’t belong there, that there was no way you weren’t one of those designer babies from the big city and that your parents were lying to you, or you were adopted and didn’t know. These comments were hard to hear, but in the end, you know the truth. You are a pure natural born, and your parents loved you and would do anything to protect you.

But when a mysterious company won’t leave you alone about donating your DNA, you start to question your parents protectiveness over you. Among other things, your biggest question was; what made you so special?

To be continued...

#bts fanfic #bts x reader #ot7 x reader #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #jungkook x reader #namjoon x reader #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #jin x reader #bangtan #bangtan fanfic #ot7 #bts #bts series #ot7 series #bts prologue #cypherwritersnet

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dreaming-in-alicante · 4 years ago

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First chapter is up!

I have 5 more chapters planned out. It’ll depend on how much work I have with the end of the semester, but I hope to update weekly!

Chapter 1: A research opportunity

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A month ago, Grace had sat shell-shocked in the Institute infirmary in the aftermath of the battle, attempting to process the bloodshed she had witnessed and the fact that Tatiana was dead. Jesse, busy talking to Lucie and her parents, making funeral arrangements, had left Grace alone for a while. It was Christopher Lightwood of all people who had noticed her sitting there frozen, who had walked over and offered an awkward pat on the shoulder. He expressed his sympathies and then, seemingly at a loss for a way to help her feel better, told Grace that she was welcome to come visit the lab at any time if she would like something to do to take her mind off of the circumstances. “You were a great help in figuring the function of the pithos that time,” he’d said before wandering off.

Of course that had been before. Before word of her confession had gotten out. Before her trial by Mortal Sword three weeks ago. The Consul had let Grace off without punishment because she was underage and influenced – manipulated – by her mother. No, not mother, Tatiana. You were never a daughter to her, Grace reminded herself. She bought you, you were only ever a weapon that she wielded.

Now that Tatiana was gone and Jesse was restored to life, Grace found herself adrift. Word spread quickly amongst the Clave about what she’d done: the misery she had inflicted on James and by extension Cordelia; her use of demon-gifted power to influence and seduce numerous men – including the Consul’s own son; her involvement in necromancy. She knew plenty of Shadowhunters would happily see her spend time imprisoned in the Silent City. She had made so many apologies that she had quite lost track, but it was not enough – might never be enough. She was still technically part of the Clave, yet no one seemed to know what to do with her. She was even invited to a party last week where everyone had given her a wide berth; a perfect example of how she remained part of things, but was held at a distance.

Grace had spent weeks alone in the apartment Jesse had found for them, reading like she had always done. Now that Jesse was not a ghost, he was no longer her constant companion. He was alive again, out making friends and experiencing the world anew. He had started training and was visiting all the sights of London with Lucie. It was everything Grace had wished for him for years, except now she found herself even lonelier than before. Jesse had invited her along to everything but it was awkward to be around even Lucie. Despite their shared mission to restore Jesse to life and her newfound relationship with Jesse, Lucie was struggling to forgive Grace for her part in James and Cordelia’s suffering. After all, it was Lucie’s own brother and her future parabatai that Grace had hurt. So Grace continued a nearly isolated existence, most days only seeing Jesse briefly in the morning and evenings.

It was the boredom and loneliness that had finally driven Grace to make a call on the Consul’s house at Grosvenor Square. She had overheard Lucie telling Jesse that Christopher was hard at work on something and spending nearly every weekday in the lab there. Surely Christopher should despise Grace after the way she had hurt his friends. Yet he had offered a small wave and smile at the party several days ago when they passed each other near the refreshments. His small gesture and her desperate state had been enough for her to gather her courage and venture out today.

________________________________________________________

Grace stifled a sneeze as she descended the steps into the laboratory. A smoky haze hung in the air and it smelled like… gunpowder? What on earth had Christopher been doing? She paused uncertainly and nearly turned in retreat before steeling her nerve and continuing down.

Grace reached the bottom of the stairs and peered around the lab. “Christopher?” she called tentatively. “Are you working down here?”

A messy head of brown hair, darkened by – was it gunpowder? – shot up from behind the lab bench on the far side of the room. Christopher pushed rounded goggles up onto his head as he strode over to her. “Grace! How nice to see you again!” he greeted her. His skin and once-white shirt were also covered in a fine layer of dark dust. “I suppose I saw you a few days ago at the party but you weren’t there long were you? Jesse said you weren’t feeling well. I heard there was a cold going around, is that what you had? Are you feeling better now?” he asked kindly.

Grace hadn’t felt well at the party, but it had nothing to do with illness and everything to do with the fact that Jesse was the single truly friendly face in that enormous ballroom. Lucie had awkwardly engaged her in stilted conversation before being whisked off to the dance floor by Jesse. After half an hour hovering on the outskirts of the room Grace could simply not endure the suspicious glances from the other guests, and she fled back home. “No, I wasn’t feeling well, but I feel much better now,” she told him simply.

“That’s good to hear!” Christopher said earnestly. “It’s never fun being sick. I detest the medicine my mother makes me take for coughs. That’s actually a project I’d like to pursue at some point, to see if medicine can be flavored but still retain its potency. I think if one could take some fruit, for example, and isolate the components of the fruit – molecules they’re called – that cause the specific taste and – ” he cut himself off abruptly. “My apologies Grace, you obviously came here for a reason and here I am boring you. Did you need help with something?” he asked, looking at her expectantly.

Grace thought she could cry for the sense of normalcy in the conversation and the kindness in his gaze. It was the complete opposite of the stiff, clipped exchanges and distrustful stares she had received since her trial by the Mortal Sword. Jesse was there for support of course, but he also faced distrust – returning from the dead through necromancy tended to make people wary. So to have Christopher – one of the ‘Merry Thieves’ no less – act like nothing at all was wrong, it was a relief.

She would have told Christopher to keep talking about the cough medicine and molecules – the idea sounded quite fascinating – but he had asked her a question. “I…I came to take you up on your offer to help in the laboratory. That is, if you’re sure you still want my help” she said hesitantly, clasping her hands together. “I know you offered weeks ago and I understand if you would prefer me to stay away now that you’ve heard the full story of everything I’ve done…” she trailed off uncertainly.

Christopher blinked at her for a moment, seemingly in shock, before his face split in a wide grin. “Really? You’d like to work here in the lab? No one besides Henry has ever been interested!” He paused thoughtfully, adjusting his glasses. “Well, Thomas does often help but I believe he feels obligated as my cousin. It’s not that he has any deep fascination with science and invention. Although he did make the cure for the Mandikhor poison! But I don’t think he enjoyed the process.” He frowned. “I suppose solving the puzzle of a complicated antidote is much more stressful when people are about to die,” he concluded.

“So, you’re sure you would still like having me around?” Grace asked, tense. “After the pain I caused your friends, I understand if you don’t want my assistance.”

“Of course I’d like you to help!” Christopher replied excitedly. “Having another pair of hands is always useful, and you actually want to be here! As for everything with James and such,” he said seriously, “you apologized didn’t you? And I’m sure you won’t do it again if you feel so badly about it now.”

Grace was astounded. “I did apologize and no, I don’t plan to manipulate anyone in that way again,” she managed to say. “I couldn’t even if I wished to,” she added, “the Silent Brothers found a way to remove my power.” That ritual, performed two weeks by Broth Enoch, had made her ill. She spent the better part of a day asleep, and still felt exhausted the day afterward.

“Then it’s all settled!” Christopher proclaimed brightly. “Let’s see, there’s a space on the benchtop over here where you can work, I have some of my notes there now but I can clean those up, put them over with…” He scurried over to a bench on the left of the room and began tidying it, muttering to himself.

Grace followed slowly after him, still in some disbelief. Yes, she had traveled all the way over to the lab and hoped his offer to join him in the lab still stood. However, she had prepared herself to be brushed off. Had expected Christopher to distrust her now that he knew all of her questionable actions, the ways she had hurt his friends and cousins. Technically she also was, or had been, his cousin by adoption; for some reason she brushed the thought of it away. They weren’t actually related. Especially now that she had reclaimed the Cartwright surname, distancing herself from Tatiana.

“There!” Christopher announced, pulling Grace out of her thoughts. He had cleared the bench of papers and bottles and beakers, and brushed off a layer of dust. “This can be your work station,” he told her. “I’ll find you a notebook to record your findings in, and you can work with me on some projects! Or do you have any ideas or projects of your own you’d like to pursue?” he inquired.

“I read many books growing up, many containing scientific information, so I know some basic principles,” Grace said. “However, I fear that much of the information is decades out of , and I'm sure there are many advancements I have not learned of,” she confessed. “Perhaps you can tell me what you’re working on? Were you doing some experiment involving gun powder just now?”

“Indeed I was!” Christopher replied with a gleam in his eye. “For a years now I’ve been trying to adapt incendiary weapons for use against demons. Angelic runes prevent the gunpowder from igniting somehow, and unless runes are involved the demons can’t be harmed.” He gestured her over to the far side of the room where a couple of guns laid on the table, one partly disassembled, as well as a small grenade.

“You made the runed revolver for James, didn’t you?” she asked, trailing a finger over the rune inscribed on the barrel of the rifle laid out on the bench.

“I did,” Christopher replied. “The problem is, James is the only one who can use it. Something to do with his shadow powers. Even Lucie can’t make it work. Quite confounding.” He held up a very familiar object – the pithos that Belial had used to steal marks. “I’ve been testing different rune placements with this,” he said, “because I thought perhaps an indirect application would make a difference. I’ve tried inscribing inside and outside on different parts. I also have a collection of gunpowder that I put in this runed box.” He gestured with the pithos to a small cubic container, every side plastered with a variety of runes. “The gun still fires – that’s what I was testing before you came in. No telling whether it will have any effect on a demon though,” he said, “It depends on how the runes transfer energy, which is an area no one fully understands yet.” He paused uncertainly, and set the pithos back on the benchtop. “I know you said you’d like to learn, Grace, but I’m not boring you am I?” he asked, sounding troubled.

“No, not at all,” she said quickly, turning her attention away from the disassembled handgun she’d been inspecting to his face. “Truly, it’s fascinating. I enjoy learning and you do a wonderful job of explaining things.”

“Oh,” said Christopher, turning faintly pink at the compliment. “Well, jolly good then. Besides Henry, people never really want to hear details,” he confided.

Grace thought briefly that perhaps Tatiana had been right when she called the Clave a pack of fools. Was there genuinely no one besides Henry Fairchild who appreciated the extent of Christopher’s scientific work? Not even his friends? “How about this?” she said, turning fully to face him. “I promise that if I ever want you to stop talking I’ll tell you directly, but otherwise, I wish to hear every detail. Here, we can shake on it.” She extended her hand between them and asked, “Deal?”

Christopher looked bewildered for a moment, blinked, then took her hand and shook it. His strange violet eyes shone as they met hers and he said, “Deal.”

#gracetopher #grace blackthorn x christopher lightwood #tlh #tlh fic #my fic

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acciocrzychickfics · 4 years ago

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Happy

Author’s Note: I wrote this a while ago actually and I have been struggling if I should make this public or not. I guess its now or never. The setting is post-war. I don’t know why but I have this feeling that the Order was never really disbanded, it was kind of like a watchdog type organization after the war.

Adjusting his eyes to the dark was never a hard thing for Remus to get the hang of. However, adjusting his ears to the crying of his son took him awhile. He was always the first to wake up to little Teddy’s cries. He chalked this up to his keen sense of hearing. Rolling over in bed, he saw Dora sleeping soundly. She had been through the wringer at work these past few weeks. She needed her sleep and he knew it. He kissed her forehead and went to the small room he had magicked when she was pregnant to let her know that while he was still unsure about if his lycanthropy would be hereditary or not, they would get through this together.

“Are you hungry, little cub?” he asks, picking up the small blue-haired baby who was now smiling up at him as he walks into the kitchen.

At first, he had struggled with these midnight feedings especially if Dora had to do a night shift for the Order or had to an all-nighter at the Ministry. Not understanding how such a small child could eat so much. He finally broke down and apparated to Andy’s in the middle of the night with a wailing Teddy. He had done everything to try and get him to calm down but once he put Teddy in his grandmother’s arms he quieted now.

“You know, you are going to be a charmer when you get into school. Don’t tell your Mum but I charmed a girl or two in my time.” Remus exclaims trying to calm his two-month-old son down while using a warming spell to heat the bottle, chuckling then adding “She wouldn’t let me hear the end of it.”

Teddy gurgles as the bottle is placed on his lips and latches on unsure how he likes this “I know it’s not the same as when Mum does it.”

Sitting down in the rocking chair in the living room, Remus begins to read to his son that his mother would read to him as a small child. “Where we were, little cub? Ah yes, Chapter 3. They did not sing or tell stories that day, even though the weather improved. They began to feel the danger was far away on d either side.”

Until four or five pages later did he notice, that Teddy had fallen back to sleep and the bottle had been drained.

“I never expected to fall in love. I never expected to marry, let alone your mother. I never expected to have children. Never in my life did I ever expect to have an amazing son like you. Teddy Lupin, I. Love. You. One day, I will have to be honest with you about why I left. I regret that immensely and am unsure I ever will forgive myself for that. However, know I missed your mother and you the entire time I was gone. I thought that you both were better off without me in case you did inherit my furry little problem. Just know, no matter what I love you with all my heart and will do my best to provide for you no matter what. I can not guarantee your life will be easy with having a werewolf as a father.”

“I have a feeling Teddy will be very defensive if anyone talks bad about his father” he hears from behind him. Standing up, he sees Dora standing in the doorway of the lounge smiling. “I will also keep anyone in line who talks ill about my mate.”

“You should be in bed” Remus answers concern lacing his face as he holds Teddy in his arms letting the bottle fall from Teddy’s lips.

“You should have woken me up, I would have fed him,” Tonks exclaims in frustration, now holding her breasts. “My boobs hurt.”

“I am sorry” Remus answers quietly going slightly scarlet “I should have realized.”

“ It is only natural and it is nutrients for our son. No need to be embarrassed, Rem” Tonks answers back motioning to her breasts “There is a spell I can use to get the milk out of these. Mind if I hold him?”

Remus transfers Teddy to her arms as he squirms in her arms “It is alright, little cub. Mummy is here.” It was as if hearing her voice calmed him down as he snuggled into her arms.

Kissing Tonk’s head, then Teddy’s whispering “I love you both”, he pulls out his wand to whisper “scourgify” to clean up the mess he made in their kitchen.

“I would have just left it in the morning.” Tonks yawns walking back into their bedroom to put Teddy down in his crib as he changes his hair color to bubblegum pink “Have you noticed he changes his hair color depending on who is holding him?”

Lupin smirks, not realizing that he did indeed change his color to brown when his father was holding him. “Now that you say that when Any was over, he changed his hair color to dark brown.”

“I think that is his way of letting us know that he knows the difference between us,” Tonks replies yawning again.

“Dora, you need to go back to bed.” Lupin reiterates “You are going to be exhausted come tomorrow.”

She sighs trying to come up with an excuse trying to hold her son as much as she can “I just want to hold him. I just want to hold him in my arms and not let him go. I feel like a bad mother because I am working all the time.”

“Dora, come here.” Remus motions towards the bed, picking up his son and placing him in his bassinet next to the bed, “Teddy will be fine for a couple minutes in his crib.”

Glancing at Teddy once and then looking back to his wife, “Darling, you are in no way a bad mother because you work. You are creating a better world for our son. A better future for him to grow up in. A better world for both of us to raise our son in.”

“I just am afraid I will miss him growing up.” Tonks begins to say before Remus puts a finger to her lips.

“He is only two months old, Dora.” Remus responds “Maybe you can talk to Kingsley about creating a hybrid work schedule so that you can be home but also in a time of need, you can be in the office? I am sure both of you will be able to come up with something that will be applicable.”

Tonks bit her lip “I guess, I think I’ll sleep on it”

“I also think you need to sleep. Your hair is turning its natural color again” Remus reiterates calmly putting a strand of her brown hair behind her ear.

Tonks walks out of the fireplace as her mother is feeding Teddy and Remus is cooking lunch.

“Nymphadora, why are you here? It is only one” Andromeda asks as she puts Teddy down in his swing.

“I am home for the rest of the day” Tonks answers smiling the biggest smile she has had in weeks.

“Did you talk to Kingsley?” Lupin asks grabbing some bowls from the cabinet. Walking up to him, she gives him a peck on the cheek.

“I did,” Tonks replies pulling herself up on the kitchen counter swinging her legs. “We agreed that I would be on something called hybrid maternity leave. Since my full maternity leave was up about a month ago, I will be going to work every other day. On the days I am not on the job, he will or another Auror will be updating me.”

Remus hands her a bowl of soup smiling, “That is wonderful, Dora.”

“I have other news about you, my dear” addressing Remus looking back at him. “I heard a rumor, that you will be asked to take back your post at Hogwarts.”

“What? Me?” Remus questions trying not to make his disbelief show on his face.

“Yep, Kingsley was talking to Harry and Minerva when I walked into his office. I can not help that I have learned some skills from a certain werewolf” Tonks answers him as he hugs her forgetting about the soup in her hands.

“I am guessing they do not believe that I know,” Remus asks realizing that she had the soup in her hands

“Oh, I have a feeling that they will notify sooner rather than later” Tonks smiles glancing out the window as an owl flies towards them.

#remadora #acciocrazychickfics #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #dora lupin #teddy lupin #andromeda tonks #post war fic #hp fanfiction #remadora fanfiction

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eggytranslations · 4 years ago

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Volume 1, Chapter 9-Family

Quick notes: I'm switching to one update every two weeks for now (sorry my schedule is really busy with new job) and will update on my twitter if I cannot make the biweekly Friday updates...o-(-( trying to rope another translator in, so we shall see how that goes! Chapter 10 and 11 are both pretty short so I think we should be good for those chapters. Okay on to the main course: enjoy!

Content warnings: n/a

For three straight days, the mountain villa became unusually lively yet again; it was all because the elder Young Master Shen had come back from the gates of death.

In the midst of this clamoring noise, Shen Qingxuan was as calm as usual. Dressed in a crescent white robe, he sat on the chair with a smile and easily accepted the concern that came from all directions. He nodded and listened attentively in a modest and well-mannered way while maintaining a cultured and refined manner.

This stirred another wave of pitying voices that all said, Such a good kid, and yet fate would tease in such a way.

Shen Qingxuan had already perfected an entire body of copper skin and iron bones towards these pitying words, so when he heard them, naturally, they did not hurt or itch. Yet these words stirred the thoughts of Mother Shen who was next to him. She shed tears several times, and yet she feared that Shen Qingxuan would be even more upset once he saw her, so she swiftly hid her face by turning away to wipe her tears.

How could these actions of hers hide from Shen Qingxuan’s sharp eyes. With the affinity between a mother and a child, Shen Qingxuan knew what she was thinking, so he also pretended that he did not see her and shifted his gaze onto other people.

When the banquet opened, Shen Qingxuan had the servant girl push him from the table to leave. Everyone knew that Shen Qingxuan’s body was frail and could not drink wine, simultaneously, he was still recovering from a serious illness so he could not accompany the guests and tax his mind. Thus, one after another, they urged him to rest well and waited for Shen Qingxuan to leave before they started toasting and drinking wine to their fill.

Shen Qingxuan returned to his room and listened briefly to the outside noise through his window lattice before he laughed bitterly to himself. Who knows how many times these kinds of banquets had been held, and who knows how many more times they will be held in the future. Who knows?

Even if Yi Mo helped him, and allowed him to be no different from any other person after this year, he, however, still did not know what hardships he would suffer in the future.

Feng shui fluctuated and worldly affairs were fickle.

Ever since he was resuscitated from the ice cave, Shen Qingxuan finally understood the meaning of these eight words that his father constantly uttered from his mouth.

Who could have expected that the gentle and mild beauty from a humble family, who had bashfully and timidly married into the Shen family for three years—his second mother, who previously cared for him extremely well, would employ someone to almost take his life?

He had never even considered it.

Even remembering it now, after so many years coolly observing as a bystander, the pain was just as fresh.

Right as he was lost in thought, there came the sound of a set of hurried footsteps from the courtyard. The footsteps were quite brisk and carried impatience as well as the unique heavy sound of an official’s boots. Shen Qingxuan’s gloomy eyes lit up slightly, the smile he always wore on his face also showed some sincerity.

“Gege!” The doors were suddenly pushed open, stirring up bits of dust. The sun shone in from the outside and revealed a clean-cut face in between the dancing dust particles. Because it was a meeting with family, that heroic and spirited face carried some of the rashness of a child.

When he saw his elder brother sitting on the chair and looking at him with an expression full of smiles, the young man was embarrassed all of a sudden. He quickly drew back his hand, and recovered a degree of steadiness before he said in greeting, “Gege.”

Shen Qingxuan beckoned with his hand, calling the man over to his side. Then he grabbed the man’s hand to pull down that tall body, flicked the man’s forehead with his finger out of habit, and said silently, I thought you had made some progress, how are you still this reckless.

Ever since childhood, Shen Zhen has been able to read his elder brother’s lips. He hastily used a hand to massage his unscathed forehead and harrumphed, “I wanted to be more reserved, but I was worried I would scare you into not recognizing me as your very own didi.”

Hearing this, Shen Qingxuan smiled while he stroked his brother’s neatly bound hair piece

, and asked, How did you have time to come see me today?

“Gege just recovered from a serious illness, how could I not come?” Shen Zhen squatted down with one hand propped on his elder brother’s leg and moved in front of him to act like a spoiled child, just like when they were children. His eyes were full of faith and dependence only possible between one’s flesh and blood, a bond thicker than water. Shen Qingxuan looked at this face that was remarkably similar to his second mother’s face, and could only feel tranquility in his heart. Towards this face that had stuck to his side from childhood, he really could not summon any hatred.

Even if he knew full well that he was reduced to this sorry state today all because of this person.

The second son of the Shen family, who had just turned one year old that year.

Master Shen had once held his eldest son with one arm and with his other arm, he cradled his second son who was still in his swaddling clothes, sucking on his thumb and quietly sleeping. Then he turned to his two wives and said, full of pride, “In the future, this eldest son of mine will bring honor to our Shen family and receive noble titles. When we get old in the future, the matters of our support and burials will depend on this little guy. In this way, the Shen family is basically perfect."

All the expectations in his words fell on Shen Qingxuan who was merely seven years old.

He only saw his eldest son’s intelligence and considered the Shen family status, but he never saw the smiles of his two wives who were standing in front of him, and how much reluctance and grievance was hidden in the smile on one of the two faces.

Why? Just because he was the second son, so he could only end up with a captive-at-home, mediocre, and nameless future for the rest of his life?

The woman was narrow-minded, and at the time, did not consider that each person had their own fate. If indeed her son worked hard, how could Master Shen disregard his son’s future? It was nothing more than careless words said in a moment of joy. Yet she took it seriously. She developed malicious intentions and harmed Shen Qingxuan for the rest of his life.

When she finally understood this, the transgression had already been committed.

With a pat on the back of the youth who laid on his knees, Shen Qingxuan looked at him as he said, After becoming an official, you have probably fallen behind on the sword and spear, no?

Shen Zhen shook his head at once. “There is no such thing. If gege does not believe it, we can go to the courtyard and I will perform for you.”

Shen Qingxuan laughed as he nodded, and Shen Zhen promptly got up to push him. The two brothers went out the doors of the room, stopping in the spacious area in the middle of the courtyard.

Shen Zhen retrieved a long staff, flashed a showy move, and said while holding the staff, “Gege look closely, didi is showing off the staff for you.”

Shen Qingxuan was still smiling a smile without restraint.

Seeing this, Shen Zhen also grinned. The wooden staff in his hand started to move around like a nimble snake. As he brandished the staff, it swept up a whistling wind, stirring dust in every which way and blurring light and shadow. When he struck the ground, it reverberated with a heavy sound, and with a great force, trenches appeared in the sandy yellow soil.

Shen Qingxuan watched closely, enthralled until a set of staff exercises were completed and he promptly clapped his hands, not at all hiding his desire to praise him.

After receiving his eldest brother’s praise, Shen Zhen became even more pleased with himself. He tossed aside the staff, picked up a spear, and flaunted another set of spear exercises for Shen Qingxuan to watch. It was slightly inferior to his staff technique, yet it still gave a vigorous feeling of strength.

The two brothers were in the courtyard, one person performing for the other to watch. They played until the red sun set into the evening, then Shen Qingxuan indicated for him to stop and called for a servant to bring over a wet cloth and hot tea.

Shen Zhen noisily downed a cup of tea, wiped the sweat from his face, then moved closer towards Shen Qingxuan again, and said, “Gege, do you have any advice?”

Shen Qingxuan cast a sidelong glance at him, What advice do I have for you?

Shen Zhen laughed mischievously, “Gege come on, dad said when you were little you liked to brandish spears and play with sticks. You even secretly took the martial arts teacher’s polearm to poke a bird’s nest and made the master really angry, do you dare deny this?”

Hearing this, Shen Qingxuan thought back and vaguely recalled some pieces, but could not remember more concrete details.

These old affairs from years ago, if Shen Zhen had not mentioned them, Shen Qingxuan could not have thought of them. Even though Shen Zhen mentioned them now, he still could not remember.

Occasionally, there were fragments that floated and flashed across his mind, but he did not think those things had happened to him.

Those past events felt faintly like a previous life, or perhaps an even more distant time ago, that was soaked by the yellowing of time into a sheet of brittle and thin paper, breaking with just one touch.

Fragmented and incomplete.

Shen Qingxuan’s expression slightly dimmed into gloominess.

Shen Zhen realized he misspoke and changed the topic at once. He tugged the hand Shen Qingxuan was resting on his knee, and said eagerly, “Gege, I get to visit the mountains for once, and you made me work this half-day. How about you play a board of chess with me?”

Shen Qingxuan roused his spirits and asked, What happens if you lose?

Shen Zhen rubbed his temples, then whispered near his elder brother’s ear, “Like old times?”

Shen Qingxuan became happier too and nodded in agreement as the two men went back inside.

They let the serving boys send the tea and pastries into the room. After everything was prepared in order, Shen Zhen fastened the doors and windows tightly and checked again if they were secure or not. It was like he was deeply afraid of someone discovering something and had the guilty expression of an uneasy thief. Watching this, Shen Qingxuan could not stop his muffled laughter.

The cushioned mat was spread out on the daybed and the two of them sat opposite each other. Shen Qingxuan wiped the chessboard again then took out the black and white pieces and asked, Like old times?

Shen Zhen nodded his head immediately, as if he was afraid that he would back out, and snatched the black pieces, putting down a piece first, then another piece, and then another piece again.

As soon as the chess game started, he snatched the black pieces and put down three of them.

Shen Qingxuan raised his brow and looked at him for a long moment, soundlessly chiding, You really have not grown at all.

Shen Zhen quickly countered, “You are the elder brother and older than me by seven years so you should actually have let me by seven pieces. Now it is only three pieces, my progress is already not small at all.”

Shen Qingxuan held the white piece as he put one down and ignored him.

Shen Zhen quieted down as well, observing the match and beginning to play seriously.

Shen Zhen took the advantage at the beginning, and in the time of one stick of incense, he had killed the game into a treacherous and hard to predict match. With sharp moves, he encircled a portion of Shen Qingxuan’s white pieces, feeling rather pleased with himself.

However, Shen Qingxuan did not even lift his head, and solely focused on placing his pieces. When the match had gone on for a period of two sticks of incense, Shen Zhen’s sharp peaks and edges were all chopped off to nothingness, not one was spared. Furthermore, White was like a dragon entrenched in a mountain range, biding its time to act, just waiting for a command so that it could seize the land in this game within an instant.

“Gege.” Shen Zhen wiped the cold sweat that did not actually exist from his forehead and said hastily, “Gege’s opening and closing were well considered with an impressive performance this match……” how about you spare didi this time?

He had not finished speaking before Shen Qingxuan, with a smile in his eyes, had already turned around to take the pen that was placed to the side. He filled the pen with ink and unhurriedly wrote: Do not flatter me. Lift your face up.

Shen Zhen instantly shut his mouth and handed over his face with misery.

A moment later, a big, crawling tortoise had been added to that handsome face.

Shen Zhen jumped down from the daybed and grabbed a mirror to look at his face. He moaned and groaned, “The more I flatter, the more lifelike this tortoise gets. So it is clear that this flattery still needs to be flattered, especially gege’s flattery.”

Shen Qingxuan impatiently patted the chessboard, saying, Again.

Shen Zhen had no choice but to return to his seat. He also carefully checked the windows to see if there were cracks so as to prevent any other people from seeing him. That would be so embarrassing.

Up until dinner time, the two of them still had the doors and windows tightly shut, unwilling to come out. All the servants waited outside because the people inside still had not allowed them to set up the dinner. This finally alarmed Master Shen.

When Master Shen heard that his sons refused to take their meals, he rushed over at once and stood outside the doors as he asked, “What kind of mishap have you two gotten into?”

Only after a moment did Shen Zhen’s voice come from the room, “Dad, I am playing chess with xiong zhang.”

At first, Master Shen was baffled, and then his face held back a strange expression. He stood for a minute before he waved away the crowd of servants. “You all go on first, keep the dishes warm, and bring them again in a double-hour.”

After he sent them all away, Master Shen leaned on the door as he said in a low voice, “Xuan’er, let dad come in and take a look.”

Immediately, sounds of frantic commotion came from behind the doors. Master Shen waited without a worry, and sure enough, his youngest son was no match for his eldest son. Shen Qingxuan pushed his wheelchair over and opened the door.

After he came inside and looked around, Master Shen headed towards the screen

, still using a benevolent voice, “Come out and let dad have a look.”

There was absolute silence from behind the screen.

“Do not be like a girl, come out and let dad see.” Master Shen continued to coax him.

Shen Zhen refused to come out.

Shen Qingxuan closed the door once again, wheeled over, and pushed down the screen. Shen Zhen did not expect his brother to do this, and had no chance to hide. On instinct, he held up the screen that almost fell and ducked out of the way.

In this split second, Master Shen had already seen the scene he wanted to see. He let out a “pft,” then immediately held it in again until his beard was shaking.

Shen Qingxuan also lowered his face while his shoulders could not stop quaking. Clearly, he was holding back quite desperately.

Shen Zhen stood there with his whole face covered in tortoises that either crawled or stood or rolled, not even his ears were spared. Each of his earlobes had their own tiny tortoise that stretched out their necks and kicked their legs.

Master Shen held his stomach as he pointed at Shen Qingxuan with a shaking finger and said breathlessly, “Y-you……your elder brother, is truly, i-im-im……proper.”

Shen Qingxuan raised his head immediately, and with his bright, black eyes, he stared unblinking at his diedie.

Father and son looked at each other for a minute, and then suddenly turned away from each other without warning. One of them gaped his mouth as he roared with laughter silently while the other man laughed until he nearly lost his breath.

At first, Shen Zhen was indignant and yelled at the two of them to stop laughing. Then he saw that neither of them could stop. They were bent down and clutching their chest as they laughed until they could not breathe, which frightened him into ignoring his own mortification. He quickly ran over to pat their backs with one hand each, and helped them catch their breath. He was deeply afraid that these two would laugh until they were sick.

But he did not realize that his elder brother and father, as soon as they turned their heads and saw that painted face with anxiety written all over it, were unable to stop even if they wanted to stop.

Furthermore, Shen Qingxuan almost laughed out loud several times, and could only bite his tongue as he swallowed down the sound that had risen to his larynx yet again.

His joy was also a joy of extreme difficulty.

In these twenty years, there has never been a time that was not burdensome.

#a snake encounter #yu she #su he #danmei #tl #eggytranslations

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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

Text

Masterlist

This will serve as a personal tracker of all of the fics I have ever written, all of the books and series I have consumed etc. I wrote this out to help me organize my thoughts since I have time now to reflect on this closet hobby of mine. I also put it up just in case anyone has ever read my stuff and is curious about how these works are doing in my head space.

Some were written back when I was way younger so apologies for the quality.

ALEX RIDER

Come Home (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Memories don't keep people grounded in their present. They're the reason people think of what ifs and would haves, regrets and daydreams. Alex sees three dimensions of his reality and makes a decision. Set after Never Say Die.

Status: Done (I guess?), not posted on tumblr or AO3 yet

Killing (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Spoilers for Never Say Die. Killing is like learning to ride a bike as Alex is going to figure out very soon. For Spyfest 2017.

Status: Done (Oneshot), not posted on tumblr or AO3 yet

Transparency (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Although the bank robbery made national news, the young boy who saved the lives of all the people in the bank didn't. First hand witness accounts said the boy was a hero, the media said there was no young hero in the bank and one journalist tries to get to the bottom of it all.

Status:WIP (could probably still finish it, it’s almost done anyway), not posted on tumblr or AO3 yet)

Type II Error (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Written for Spyfest Week 3. Set before Ark Angel. The updates on payroll accounts and budgets lined up too well with mysterious deaths and undisclosed missions. An auditor working for MI6 decides for herself whether or not the orders of her bosses Blunt and Jones were worth prying into.

Status: Done (Oneshot), will post on tumblr yet

Unforeseen Circumstances (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

It's April, the time of year when most students start salvaging their grades. Missions had taken their toll on Alex's grades and he needs to start salvaging soon or risk repeating the year. Nature wasn't on his side though and it turned out that his devil's luck had just run out.

Status: WIP (8/15), On hold, not posted on tumblr yet

ATTACK ON TITAN

Levi and Hange’s Relationship in Erwin’s POV (Status: Completed, not posted yet)

A Tale of Two Slaves (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

"Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn't exist. Everything is a choice. At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him."

Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn't.

Status: WIP (6/?)

A Free Spot (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Slight AU! Levi sacrifices himself in Chapter 132 instead of Hange and Hange deals with the consequences years later. Written for Levihan Angstober Week 4. Prompt: Free Spot

Status: Done (Oneshot), not posted on FFN yet

Division of Labor (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

"The past years, we have noticed a lot of our fresh high school graduates knew nothing about responsibilities the that awaited them outside high school and even college. Many students do not master budgeting, taxes, household planning, loans and we hope to raise a generation who can navigate the adult world without the consequences of bad decisions they are bound to make going in blindly..."

Paradis High school starts a program incorporating adulting into their curriculum and Hange and Levi are paired together.

Status: WIP (1/?)

En Prise (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Hange already had the innate analysis skills and the quick wittedness to excel in the classroom. Chess should have come easy for her. As she processed her fifth loss to the man in front of her, she started to understand that there was more to the game than meets the eye.

College AU! Levi is a little too good at chess and Hange gets roped into studying the game further.

Status: WIP (1/18), will try to create a backlog before I post more.

Heroes or Victims (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Post Chapter 115, Hange reflects on emotions, relationships, war philosophies, and a future while taking care of a severely injured Levi.

Status: Done (Oneshot), not posted on FFN yet

Household Planning (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

"It was Levi's household. The plates were arranged and sorted by color and use, the way Levi liked it. The cabinets and the storage were arranged in a way which would be efficient for cooking, or at least the way Levi would have wanted to cook."

Levi gets sick and Hange is left to navigate household chores.

Status: Done (2/2)

Passion Project (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Levi tries to ignore Hange but it never seems to last. A ficlet detailing the development of Levi and Hange's relationship before canon.

Status: WIP (1/3) Timeline written, Chapter 2 rough draft complete, not posted on FFN yet

Rough Day (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

It should have been apparent to Hange by the weight gain and the sudden lack of red days. Somehow, Levi noticed it first.

Status: Done (Oneshot), not posted on FFN yet, will probably write more fluff similar to this

Sugar Rush

(AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Marley brings the celebration of Halloween to Paradis. Hange and Levi go trick or treating with their child for the first time and start to realize how much the world has changed since the war.

A Halloween piece for the Levihan spookfest one year late.

Status: Done (Oneshot), not posted on FFN yet, will probably write more fluff similar to this

Would You Cry? (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Hange asks an innocent question and Levi finds himself reflecting on his emotions and his relationship with Hange. Written for LeviHan Week, Angstober 2020. Prompt: Silence/Screams

Status: Done (Oneshot)

Vulnerabilities (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Slight AU! Although Levi is humanity's strongest soldier in the battlefield, his rough childhood had left him weaker and more vulnerable to illness. Levi had always taken measures to prevent sickness nit anyone who has ever been close to him caught wind on it anyway. A series of oneshots throughout the story focusing on Levi's chronic weakness and others taking care of him.

Status: Sporadic updates depending on mood, not yet posted on ff and tumblr

Big Hero Six

Deal with the Devil (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

When mourning becomes too much for him, Hiro finds himself resorting to prayers and deals to bring back the brother he lost. The devil may have had pity on him but he never promised to let Hiro go unscathed.

Status: WIP, on hold, probably could get back to it just need to rewatch the movie, not yet completely posted on AO3 and tumblr

Fatal Flaw (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Grieving may be a long and painful process but in time most people do recover. For Hiro Hamada though something probably went wrong along the way because from what Aunt Cass could see, he was moving on yet at the same time, he wasn't.

Status: WIP, abandoned, completely forgot what I was planning, not yet posted on tumblr

Coco

Dares, Pranks and Curses (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Written for the Coco Valentines Fanwork Exchange. The night of Dia de Los Muertos, Miguel ends up staying out late to play a little game with his friends in the cemetery. Hector, Imelda and Miguel reunite through a game of Ouija.

Status: Done (Oneshot), not yet posted on ff and tumblr

Somewhere between Life and Death (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Dia de los Muertos isn't the only day the dead can visit the living. Miguel is reunited with Hector, Imelda and his other relatives from the other side but in one of the worst ways possible and he finds himself caught in a struggle between life and death.

Status: WIP 9/20, on hold, timeline is complete just need to get it written, need to fix tumblr tags

Crossovers

Quest for Origin: Ranger’s Apprentice x Percy Jackson (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

A young boy gets washed up on the shore of Camp Half Blood with no memories whatsoever of his life before. How did he end up there? Is it all just a coincidence? Or is it a message from the Gods? What's with his uncanny skill with the bow?

Status: On Hold (25/35), timeline complete, will probably continue with PJO TV show comes out, not yet posted on ff and tumblr

Kingdom Hearts

Coded Connection (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Post KH3. If Kairi keeps Sora's memory alive, he'll eventually call out to her right? Then it will be her turn to find him, hold him and never let go.

Status: Done (Oneshot), not yet posted on tumblr and ff

Kuroko no Basuke

Yellow, Red, Green, Blue and Purple (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Collab with friend back in high school. All Kise wanted to do was complete one more level of Flow Free before practice starts. When you have teammates as lazy, eccentric, hyperactive, sociopathic or invisible as the Generation of Miracles though, sometimes the things that sound the simplest, can be the hardest to do. Crackfic

Status: Done (Oneshot), not yet posted on tumblr

Ranger’s Apprentice

Being a Ranger’s Wife (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

As Will leaves on a suicide mission, Alyss ponders on her choice to have married him.

Status: Done (Oneshot), not yet posted on tumblr or AO3

Danger Zone (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Rangers are human. Humans make mistakes. The difference though between an ordinary human and a ranger is the consequences they'll eventually face for past mistakes. Will should have known that for rangers, this included being on the run from an angry group of pirates with his silver oakleaf on the line.

Status: Probably Abandoned, first fanfic I have ever written lmao, completely forgot where I was going with this, not yet posted on tumblr or ffn.

Farmer’s Apprentice (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Will lied to Mr. Chubb about stealing from the kitchen years ago. How did that small decision change the course of the young boy's life? AU Crack fic.

Status: Done (Oneshot), not yet posted on tumblr or AO3

Masters, Apprentices and Sons (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Gilan accepts Morgarath's challenge in the Plains of Uthal and Halt is left to care for his apprentice in the aftermath of the battle. Halt wonders why it took him this long to realize that there was no fine line between an apprentice and a son.

Status: WIP. I have written out all the way until chapter 5 but I completely lost the files. I don’t know if my current frustration will allow me to continue this.

The Fall of a Hero (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Will had fallen from his place as one of the top rangers in the corps and one of the top figures in Araluen and it's up to his friends to help pull him back up. Recovery Fic.

Status: WIP, timeline not written, could probably still continue this, just need to catch up to the series

Prince of Tennis

A Break from Ingenuity (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

Timing is everything. Fuji gets his timing wrong, makes one misstep then finds himself facing a career ending injury. Maybe, that's when everyone will realize that he's human too.

Status: WIP. Will probs continue if new POT content comes out.

Yuri on Ice

Surprises (AO3/Tumblr/FFN)

With all the stress piling up for the Japanese National Championship and more importantly, the World Championship, one can expect an athlete to get injured. To have the coach be the one struck by a career ending injury during practice is another story. That's exactly how Victor surprised the crowd though, maybe for the last time.

Status: WIP (3/?), not yet posted on tumblr

#Yuri on ice #Prince of Tennis #ranger's apprentice #kuroko no basket #kingdom hearts #percy jackson #coco #big hero six #attack on titan #Alex Rider #fanfic #masterlist

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inyournightmares97 · 6 years ago

Text

My Youth (Chapter 6)

Broken and miserable, Park Jinyoung returns to his hometown to learn that no matter how hard he falls, there are still people who think he’s a hero.

Warnings: Mentions of suicide/depression, death, angst, slow build, maybe some language.(Please don’t ask when I’ll update. Wait until the series is finished to read if you’re impatient.)

Word Count: 5.7k+

(Can’t put links to the other parts here, please check my Masterlist/the reblog for the Prologue and Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5)

“-Mom, I’m busy,” Jinyoung muttered into the phone. He had been sitting in a crucial meeting with the Finance Director of GOT Tech and representatives of the Financial Regulatory Board. Receiving approval for his company to go public was one of the most critical and risky steps in Jinyoung’s career.

His mother, however, had been calling him constantly for the last twenty minutes.

Mrs. Park sounded upset. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung, dear. I just needed to reach you-”

“Mom, I’m in an extremely important meeting right now. Do you know how it looks when the Managing Director of GOT Group keeps getting calls from his mother during business meetings? What do you want from me?” Jinyoung demanded in a frustrated whisper, running his fingers through his hair. He tried not to let his agitation show on his face; the other high-profile attendees of the meeting could still see him through the glass wall of the conference room.

“Jinyoung, there’s been a terrible tragedy in town,” his mother began nervously. “I don’t… I don’t know how to tell you this, but i suppose there’s no easy way to talk about a death. Remember I told you that I’ve been going to the hospital every day to meet-”

Jinyoung felt a burst of irritation. The clock was ticking. The Board members were waiting for him impatiently and he could see the disapproval on their faces. “Mom, did you call me to tell me that someone died?”

“Well… yes, but-”

“Mom, I have been preparing for this presentation for months. The future of my company depends on this meeting. This is absolutely the worst time you could have chosen to tell me something like this,” Jinyoung muttered through gritted teeth. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “Please don’t mess up my focus right now. We can talk about this later. Do you need anything from me urgently?”

Mrs. Park hesitated. “You always seem to be busy these days. I just thought… if we could maybe help out with the funeral expenses or the hospital bills…”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. “Mom, you can just call my secretary for that. She’ll send you whatever amount you need. Send them flowers from me or something, okay? I have to go now.”

“Take care, Jinyoung, dear-”

“Bye, Mom.”

Jinyoung hung up and sighed, pressing his fingers to his temple. His personal secretary had followed him out of the room and was watching him nervously. He hadn’t even asked his mother who it was that had passed away. Was it somebody he knew? Maybe it was best that he didn’t think about it too much for now.

“Take my Mom’s call and ask her who died, send them money for the funeral and all those formalities,” Jinyoung told his secretary shortly. She nodded and made a note of it on her phone quickly while Jinyoung cleared his mind.

Focus. The presentation. The numbers.

Jinyoung took a deep, calming breath and plastered a rehearsed smile on his face before he turned to enter the conference room once more.

“I’m so sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting,” Jinyoung greeted all the well-dressed men with a bright smile. “I hope you can forgive me. Mothers seem to have a knack for calling at the most inconvenient times, don’t they?”

The men chuckled politely. “That’s perfectly fine, Mr. Park.”

“May I begin the presentation?”

“Please, do.”

--------

Jinyoung believed that to achieve something great, you needed to make certain sacrifices.

He had always known that the path he was embarking upon was not an easy one. Establishing your own business meant that you didn't get off work at 5 pm sharp, you couldn’t spend your weekends at a countryside cabin or getting drinks with your friends. You needed to keep working until things got done. You needed to compete in the market. You needed to be strong enough to pick up after your losses and clever enough to make friends in the right places. People were depending on you.

Jinyoung hadn’t merely chosen a career, he had chosen a life.

A very lonely life.

Whenever his mother would call him and try to have a casual chat, Jinyoung would find himself irritated. Who cared whether Mrs. Lee from the grocery store was giving a discount on strawberry bread? What did it matter if Mr. Cha had been trying to sell his little farmland? There was important work to be done. Jinyoung needed to talk to the advertising agents to make sure his products were being launched properly, he needed to negotiate discounts with suppliers to ensure he could meet the planned pricing goals. There were employees relying on him. There were investors who had trusted him with their money. There were quarterly goals that had to be met.

Every second of Jinyoung’s time was precious. Why couldn’t everyone understand that? Why couldn’t his mother stop thinking that her tiny little world in this tiny little town was everything, and understand the importance of what her son was doing?

There are a limited number of hours every man has at his disposal. We each make a conscious choice regarding how to spend each one.

It was only now, standing in front of your mother’s grave, that Jinyoung came a terrifying realization.

He had made the wrong choices.

------

“It was heart failure,” Mrs. Park whispered.

Jinyoung’s hands clutched the cup of tea firmly. It was hot and uncomfortable, but not more than the sick feeling in his stomach. Every word his mother spoke made him feel more pathetic.

What had he been doing all those months while your mother was in hospital and when she’d died? Preparing for his company to go public? Sitting in meetings and sucking up to corporate officials? Only to be fired and thrown out of the company. Only to have missed the death of somebody who had trusted him and cared for him.

“But she couldn’t have been that old…” Jinyoung muttered.

Mrs. Park shook her head softly. “She’d always had a weak heart, Jinyoung. Her health was fragile and after her husband passed away she had no choice but to work to support her daughter. All those long hours and late nights for years… they took their toll in the end. She had her first stroke three years ago. She was in hospital for a few weeks and then she had the second one; the one that took her life.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes, remembering your mother in his mind’s eye.

“She always looked tired. And worried.”

“She was.” Mrs. Park reached out and placed a hand over her son’s nervously. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung. I should have told you about it sooner. But you were always so busy in Seoul, always doing important things. It never seemed like the right time to tell you about something so devastating. It’s my fault.”

Jinyoung let out a small scoff. “Don’t take the blame on yourself. That doesn’t help me.”

Mrs. Park looked upset. “Jinyoung-”

She was interrupted by a loud knocking at the front door. Jinyoung closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temple while he listened to his father go to the door and yell at the person on the other side. The reporters had already found his home address. They had started arriving one-by-one since this morning. Each of them desperately wanted an interview with Park Jinyoung, the man who had lost his empire overnight. They wanted to know what he had to say about his dismissal from his own company.

Mr. Park re-entered the living room and sighed. “They’re getting more persistent. I think I should call the local police before they start trying to shove their way into our house.”

Jinyoung nodded and stood up. “I’ll go down to the police station myself and ask them to send someone to deal with this harrassment. Mom, you’ve told everyone we know to deny any reporters who request them for an interview, right?”

“Yes, but is it really a good idea for you to be going outside now-”

“I think I’ll lose my mind if I stay indoors,” Jinyoung muttered. He grabbed the black hoodie that was slung over the back of the sofa and glanced at his parents. They were both looking at him with wide, worried eyes.

Jinyoung felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over him; why should they have to deal with so much because of his mistakes? Why was he always the one taking and yet never giving?

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly. “I’ll try and be back for dinner.”

------

Jinyoung’s legs carried him naturally towards the elementary school.

Perhaps it was a subconscious urge to see you, even though he had no idea what he would say if you really appeared before him. Anything Jinyoung could have said to help should have been said three years ago. Words like I’m sorry seemed like an insensitive joke at this point; too little and far too late.

Jinyoung sat silently on the bench by the schoolyard with his face covered by his dark hoodie, and wondered how his life had brought him to this point.

Left with nothing with shame.

“Ahjussi!”

By the time Jinyoung looked up, there was already a tiny figure running straight towards him at full speed. He flinched and braced himself for the impact; only to have the small boy stop centimetres away from him and throw his arms around him happily. Jinyoung stiffened.

“What-”

“Ahjussi, you are Park Jinyoung!” Ki-woo cried delightedly. The boy was beaming. Jinyoung noticed for the first time that one of his front teeth was missing, but it was still one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen. “Miss told me yesterday! Why did you lie and say you weren't? I can’t believe the King of the Playground walked me home after school and I didn’t even know!”

Jinyoung couldn’t resist a small smile. The sight of the little boy bouncing on his feet warmed him for a moment and he patted Ki-woo on the head. “If somebody asked Clark Kent if he was Superman, he wouldn’t say yes, now would he?”

Ki-woo’s eyes widened in understanding. “Wow. That’s so true! You’re so cool!”

“You’ll have to keep my secret.”

“Of course I will! Ahjussi, can you tell me how you did it? How did you manage to climb the oak tree?” Ki-woo demanded, grabbing Jinyoung’s arm and tugging on it eagerly. “You have to tell me, you just have to! Were you really tall?”

Jinyoung blinked. “Tall? Not particularly…”

“Then how? How did you do it?”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to respond but he was cut off by a loud yell. He had been so preoccupied with Ki-woo that he hadn’t noticed the much larger man that was making his way across the school yard. Jackson Wang had a huge smile on his face and without greeting, he threw his arms around Jinyoung in a fierce hug.

“Park Jinyoung! Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence!” Jackson cried happily. He pulled back and noticed the blank look on Jinyoung’s face. With a frown, he pointed to himself eagerly. “Remember me? Jackson! Jackson Wang! You used to pass me all the answers in History class!”

Jinyoung swallowed. “Uh…”

“Mr. Wang, you’re friends with Park Jinyoung?” Ki-woo asked, his mouth gaping open.

Jackson blinked and looked down at the boy sheepishly. “Ah, Ki-woo. I didn’t see you down there. Didn’t your teacher tell you to wait inside until someone came to pick you up? Go back indoors now.”

Ki-woo pouted. “But-”

“Nope. Back inside. Now.”

Jackson waited until Ki-woo began to slouch back towards the school building and then turned back to Jinyoung. “Man, you’re pretty much the celebrity around these parts now, eh? We had a couple of reporters come by the school this morning, asking for anyone who used to know you. You have nothing to worry about! I scared them off. These babies aren’t here for nothing,” Jackson beamed and flexed his bare bicep.

Jinyoung didn’t really know how to respond. “Nice.”

Jackson narrowed his eyes. “You do remember me, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course-”

“We should get drinks sometime and catch up now that you’re back in town! Man, I really owe you. You did me a solid one that Christmas before you left, remember? I’ll buy you a couple of beers at the pub. What’s your phone number?” Jackson demanded.

“I don’t really have a phone right now…”

“Don’t have a phone?” Jackson looked confused. “Weird but okay. I guess I can always ask Miss First Grade to get in touch with you. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me you were back in town!” he cried, slapping Jinyoung’s arm playfully. “Hold on… you’re here to see her, aren’t you?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Not exactly…”

Jackson chuckled knowingly. “No worries, man. I’ve got your back. I need to go inside and take care of the kids now, so I’ll tell her to come out and meet you here, yeah? Let me know if any more of those reporters come around. I’ll take handle them for you!”

Jinyoung forced a smile. “Thanks-”

“No problem, man. It’s what friends are for. We’ll catch up soon!”

“Sure.”

Jinyoung watched Jackson half-run back to the school building, letting out a sigh of relief. Each person he came across in this town seemed to remember something about him and the one who possessed the most dangerous knowledge was Jackson Wang. In addition to having been the resident supplier of inappropriate magazines and the one who’d convinced Jinyoung to try his first cigarette behind the park back in high school, Jackson simply knew a little too much about everybody.

Jinyoung sat down on the bench and took a deep breath. He just realized that Jackson had said he would send you out to meet him. Why hadn’t he told him not to? He wasn’t prepared to face you. Idiot.

It was a few minutes before you emerged from the school building and walked towards Jinyoung. There was a pleasant smile on your face as you approached, and it made Jinyoung’s stomach turn. How could you smile at him like that? How could you be so calm about everything?

“Jinyoung,” you greeted him, confused. “Should you be roaming around out here? There are reporters buzzing all around town.”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Uh. Yeah, I know. Jackson said he drove them away...”

You rolled your eyes. “That idiot Jackson Wang? He was fully prepared to seize his five minutes of fame by telling them how you used to help him cheat in History class. I had to step in and force him to deny the request for an interview,” you muttered. Jinyoung’s eyes widened and you gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I sent a message to the principal of the middle school and the high school. Nobody’s going to give any interviews about you.”

Jinyoung felt small.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“Did they find your house?”

“Yeah. They’ve been knocking the door all day. It’s really starting to bother Mom and Dad.”

Your expression was sympathetic. “Should I call the police?”

“Don’t worry. I was going to go down to the station myself and ask them to send someone to get rid of the reporters,” Jinyoung reassured you. He felt his heartbeat thump wildly as he looked at your gently smiling face. Should he say it? Should he talk about the elephant in the room? Even though he hadn’t prepared what to say?

“About… about last night…”

You blinked. “Yeah?”

He sighed. “About your mother. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I know that’s no excuse, but I should have been there and-”

You cut him off with a forced smile. “Jinyoung. It’s okay. It’s not like you could have done anything for her even if you were here, you’re not a doctor. Everyone did the best they could.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I might not have been able to help her. But… I should have been there for you.”

The smile dropped from your face. What could you say? Jinyoung’s eyes were filled with shame but it wasn’t the right time for him to be offering condolences. That time had long passed.

But you still remembered his words from last night as he’d hugged you. I don’t feel as alone when I’m here. Jinyoung had been through so much. How could you say anything to such a broken man except for it’s okay? How could you offer him anything but comfort when he had nobody but you?

How could you not be the bigger person when he was suffering?

“It’s fine, Jinyoung,” you promised him softly. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

“How can I not-”

“Seriously. Please. It’s in the past and nobody was to blame. It happened around the time your company was going public, so I can only imagine how chaotic your life and work must have been back then. I don’t resent you.”

Jinyoung looked up at you in disbelief. “How can you not?”

“I just… don’t. It’s fine.”

“Do you really mean that? Do you really mean that?” he demanded.

“I do,” you insisted firmly. You glanced at your watch and sighed. “Wow, it’s getting late. We have a PTA fundraiser at school tonight so I need to start setting up. Oh! Did you bring my bicycle by any chance?” you asked him hopefully.

Jinyoung shook his head. “Uh, no. The reporters were in front of my house so I slipped out through the back…”

“Can you drop it by the school later? I’m going to staying back pretty late because I have to wrap up after the event is over. It might even take till midnight and the buses stop running at 9 so I need a way to get home. It’s not too much trouble, is it?”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll drop it off here later.”

You gave him a small smile as you turned to go back indoors. “Bye, Jinyoung.”

“Bye.”

---------------------------

The PTA fundraiser left you drained of energy.

You would much rather have dealt with a hundred kids at once than with a handful of parents. At least kids could be made to see reason, they could be convinced with a little bit of logic (however flawed). Adults, on the other hand, believed that they knew best and that things had to be done exactly the way they wanted. Adults were unreasonable. Adults liked to throw around their authority.

You had never wanted to get into bed so badly.

You stayed back late to clean up after the fundraiser was over. It wasn’t required of you, but it was something that you somehow ended up volunteering to do. All the other teachers had families to go home to and kids to take care of. You only had an empty apartment.

Asking them to stay back instead of you felt selfish.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged out into the parking lot to see that the bicycle racks were empty. Shit. Had Jinyoung forgotten to leave the bicycle behind for you? Where was he?

You pulled out your cell phone and then sighed. Damn Park Jinyoung. He didn’t even have a stupid phone. It was far past the time that Mr. and Mrs. Park would have gone to bed and you didn't want to wake them by calling them. But your apartment was too far to walk and you would have to pass by the pub; you had no interest in meeting the town’s drunkards alone in those narrow alleys at midnight.

You sighed and dialled another number.

“Jackson, hey. I’m so sorry, I know you just left a little while ago, but…”

-------------------

It was 1am when you heard a loud banging on your front door.

You had just finished taking a shower and were getting ready to slip into bed when the noise began. Your heartbeat racing, you grabbed hold of a kitchen knife quickly and then slowly approached your door.

“Who’s there?” you yelled out, voice shaking.

The voice that replied was muffled. “Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung? At this time of night?

You opened the door carefully. The first thing that hit you was the awful smell; Jinyoung stank of sweat and cheap beer. His eyes were red and his face flushed as he looked at you almost wildly.

“Are you okay?” he demanded, grabbing your shoulders to look at you properly. His hands were trembling and he seemed unaware of how loud his voice was. “Are you all right? I was looking for you everywhere!”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Wow, you’re drunk.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry- I’m so, so, sorry-”

“How about you come inside before you bring my neighbours running over with all of your noise?” you snapped. You had little patience for drunks, and knowing that Jinyoung had been out getting drunk instead of returning your bicycle did not please you. “Where have you been?”

Jinyoung stared at you helplessly, his arms waving around as he spoke. “I-I was just going to get one drink, I swear. But it led to another and I totally forgot about your bike and I was so scared that you might have walked home because I know that path passes by the pub and it’s not safe-”

“Relax,” you told Jinyoung as you guided him gently towards your couch. “I didn't walk. I called Jackson, he drove me home.”

“Jackson? Wang? Why? Are you guys close?” he asked, plopping down heavily on the couch.

You shrugged. “He’s a good friend.”

Jinyoung paused for a moment and then hung his head quietly.

“We used to be good friends.”

You looked down at Jinyoung properly. He was a wreck. His dark hair was a tangled mess and the light blue dress shirt he was wearing was wrinkled with a beer stain on it. There were even large sweat stains under his arms; he’d probably cycled all the way here in a panic.

And he’s one of the Most Eligible Bachelors under 40. If only the magazine had seen him like this.

“We’re still friends,” you told him lightly. “Although it wouldn’t do any harm to return my bicycle when I ask for it. Do you want a glass of water?”

Jinyoung blinked at you dazedly. “Do you have beer?”

“Absolutely not. Haven’t you had enough?”

His lower lip pouted slightly as he stared down at the floor. “I’ve been drinking all evening but I haven’t reached the point where I feel good or forget about my problems yet. In fact, I keep thinking about them even more. How about a cigarette?”

“You will not smoke in my house,” you told him with a firm glare.

To your surprise, Jinyoung suddenly smiled. It was only a gentle curve of his lips but you spotted it and frowned at him with your arms folded across your chest. “Are you feeling proud of yourself right now? Do you think your behaviour is something to laugh about?” you demanded.

Jinyoung looked up at you softly. “No.”

“Then why are you-”

“Because this is the first time you’ve given me that look since I came back,” Jinyoung admitted quietly. His voice trembled. “This is the first time you got angry at me. You don’t seem to get angry at me anymore.”

You didn’t understand. “Why would you want me to be angry at you-”

“Because you have to be angry with someone before you can forgive them. You have to first admit that they hurt you or that they did something wrong, and only then can you begin to repair your relationship,” Jinyoung whispered. He looked up at you and you could see the tears brimming in his eyes. “So tell me honestly. Have you forgiven me already?”

You swallowed. “I was never mad at you to begin with-”

“You’re lying.”

You clenched your fists as your heartbeat thudded. “I’m not lying. You’re drunk. You should drink some water and you can sleep on the couch-”

Jinyoung looked up at you, his eyes bloodshot yet surprisingly clear. “You are lying. Either you’re lying or you’re not the same girl I remember.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because the girl I knew wouldn’t have pretended to forgive a friend to spare his feelings. She would have grabbed me by the shirt, looked me in the eye, and said Park Jinyoung, you’re an absolute bastard for leaving me here when I was having a hard time. She wouldn’t have spared my feelings. She would have expected me to be there for her because that’s what friends do. They count on each other.”

You closed your eyes. How had Jinyoung seen right through you? Even after 10 years, how could he see through you like you were made of glass?

“I’m not angry,” you tried to tell him slowly, even though you weren’t sure who you were convincing anymore. “Because I never expected you to be there. You were busy and I had no expectations-”

Jinyoung scoffed. “You’re lying again.”

“I’m not-”

“You are. Friendship is when you help someone, because you trust that they would do the same for you. What you’re doing for me isn’t friendship. You don’t trust me anymore. If you have no expectations from me, then that’s charity!” Jinyoung spat out. Tears were brimming in his eyes and his voice was choked. “Is that what I am to you? Charity?”

You clenched your fists and let out a small, humourless laugh. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“What?”

“Where the fuck do you get off accusing me of treating you like charity? After what you did?” you snapped.

Jinyoung stared at you blankly. “Tell me.”

Your throat closed up. You didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to drag yourself back to what had been the lowest point of your life, especially not in front of Jinyoung. You didn’t know who he was to you anymore. How could you open up to him?

“I can’t,” you muttered. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jinyoung.”

“Please,” Jinyoung whispered. “Please. At least tell me I was a terrible friend for not being there. Tell me I was a terrible friend for not even knowing about your mother.”

You took a deep breath and sat down, your knees feeling weak. You had never imagined that you would have to sit next to Jinyoung and say these words to him while he was drunk. Yet, as his dark eyes pierced into yours, he looked more sober than ever.

“It was my fault she died,” you whispered, shakily. “I know how hard my Mom worked to raise me. I know how much she struggled after my Dad passed away. The doctor told me her heart attack was probably caused by stress- years of it. She was growing old but she’d never even gone for a health check-up because we couldn’t afford it.”

Jinyoung stared at you silently.

“I needed someone to say this to back then,” you admitted quietly. “I needed someone who would listen to me and who wouldn’t try to convince me that it wasn’t my fault or that I didn't do anything wrong. That’s what everyone kept doing. They kept trying to comfort me but I just wanted someone who would listen. I wanted you,” you mumbled.

Jinyoung only nodded. His hands reached out to take both of yours. He grasped them tightly.

“I knew you were busy, but I always had this hope that maybe you would come to the funeral,” you whispered. “I thought… surely, whatever I did to make you cut me off, it wasn’t so bad that you wouldn't even turn up to my mother’s funeral. But the truth was that I couldn’t grieve properly because the hospital was hounding me about the bills, I…”

You took a deep breath. You hated thinking about those moments. You had felt so helpless and alone, backed into a corner. “I don’t think it even sank in that my mother was dead until a few days later,” you mumbled. “ I spent the first day wondering how the hell I was going to pay the hospital bills instead of thinking about her. Your mother tried comforting me, she told me it would all be fine and that she would call you for help.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes; tears were clinging to his eyelashes.

“She did,” he mumbled.

You felt the walls around you come crashing down as you looked at the broken man in front of you. You remembered how badly you’d wanted to see him then, how much you’d craved his comfort. You remembered how furious you had been when you realized that Jinyoung had abandoned you.

“I thought you would call,” you mumbled. “I didn’t want to disturb you but at the same time I trusted that you wouldn’t leave me alone at a time like that.”

Jinyoung’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”

“It would have been better if you hadn't done anything at all,” you mumbled. “Maybe then I could have forgotten about it in the mess that I was going through. But you didn’t. I got a call from your secretary the night before the funeral.”

Jinyoung lowered his head. His hands were trembling even as they held yours and you could hear his soft sniffle. “Shit,” he muttered, his voice thick with tears. “Shit, I can’t believe-”

“I thought you’d finally called. But it wasn’t you. I had to hear some strange woman tell me over the phone that Park Jinyoung is sorry he can’t make it to the funeral but he sends his condolences,” you choked out. You smiled humorlessly. “As if I was some distance acquaintance you barely knew. You sent me your condolences through your secretary.”

“I didn’t- I didn’t know it was you…”

“And then she told me that if I would just email her a copy of the hospital and funeral bills then all the expenses would be taken care of,” you mumbled. “She said that she could send me as much as I needed, no limit. I was so embarrassed. I wanted-I wanted to tell her that you could go fuck yourself and that I didn’t want your condolences and your money. I wanted to refuse so badly, but…”

You hung your head in shame. “But I couldn’t,” you whispered. “I couldn’t say that to her because it was true. I had no other way of paying those bills. So I sent her the details and I let you pay for them. Whether you know it or not, you paid for all my mother’s hospital bills and funeral while I sat here and wondered how I had become such a worthless daughter.”

Jinyoung’s hands clasped yours so tightly that it hurt. His shoulders were shaking and you could see the sobs racking his chest. “I didn’t mean to-” he sobbed. Jinyoung’s tears landed on your clasped hands. “I didn’t mean to, I swear…”

You slowly removed your hands from his. “I have the accounts,” you muttered. “I’ve been saving up to pay you back. It might take me a few more years but-”

Jinyoung flinched. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s not open to discussion, Jinyoung.”

“Don’t say you’ll pay me back, please-”

“I will pay you back,” you said firmly. You took a deep breath. “You know why? Because I might be able to forgive you for not being there when I needed you. But I will never, never forget how cheap I felt the moment I ended that phone call. So don’t talk to me about charity; I know how it feels to be on the other end of it.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. He felt light-headed and blank as he thought about everything you’d said. No wonder you didn’t consider him a friend. No wonder you couldn't bring yourself to be honest with him. No wonder there was something fake and forced about your every smile.

Jinyoung hadn’t just messed up.

He had destroyed something precious to him without even realizing it.

“It’s late,” you mumbled after a brief silence. “You should go to sleep. Here, just; make yourself comfortable on the couch and I’ll get you a blanket and some pillows.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I-I can’t…”

“You’re not going anywhere at this time of night while you’re drunk,” you told him. You pushed him lightly so that he leaned back against the sofa. “Stay put. I’ll be back. I think we’ve talked enough for tonight.”

“Can you just promise me one thing?” Jinyoung asked quietly.

“What’s that?”

“Even if you don’t consider me your friend anymore, even if you’re just being nice to me because you’re that kind of a caring person… don’t give up on me completely.” Jinyoung looked up at you desperately. “Please. Tell me that I can fix things. Tell me I haven’t broken our friendship and my life beyond repair.”

You looked down at him. Lying on your couch in his crumpled dress shirt and the beer stains, Jinyoung looked pathetic. Perhaps it was because you’d finally let out all the resentment you’d been bottling up for so long. Perhaps it was because, looking into Jinyoung’s eyes now, you could see that he did care. But you suddenly didn’t feel so hollow anymore.

You didn’t feel so lonely in your pain.

“Everything can be fixed, Jinyoung,” you told him softly.

“Even us?” he mumbled.

You nodded. “Even us.”

“Even me?”

“Especially you.”

Jinyoung slowly closed his eyes and you went into the other room to get him a spare pillow and a blanket. He let you place the pillow under his head and snuggled into the soft blanket. You turned to switch off the light when you heard him mumble.

“You know something?”

“What, Jinyoung?”

“I thought that the most unbearable thing about being fired from the company was all the effort I’d put into it. I thought I couldn’t bear it because I’d done so much for it for the years,” he said slowly.

You blinked at his curled up figure under the blanket.

“But it’s not?” you asked.

Jinyoung shook his head. “It’s not how much I’ve done for the company that I can’t bear. It’s how much I sacrificed for it.”

-------------------

#got7 #got7 scenarios #got7 scenario #got7 angst #park jinyoung #got7 jinyoung #jinyoung angst #jinyoung scenario #got7 imagines #got7 drabbles #got7 series #got7 fanfiction #jinyoung fanfic #jinyoung my youth

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azure-v3 · 6 years ago

Note

Hey, I really want to hear you talk about Kind Lie because I'm always so impressed at the amount of thought you put into your writing. I wanted to ask what was the most difficult scene to write so far and why ? Can you do a commentary of that scene ? I'm also curious about the chapter titles. How do you chose them ?

Thanks for leaving an ask, and thank you for showing interest in KL as always, even when it’s been almost a year since the last update.

There’s a scene in chapter 3 that popped into my head immediately thanks to a huge mistake I almost made, and looking back at that scene, there were some other tricky parts just before it, so I’ll just commentate that whole part of the story ;D

The context is, Kaito has woken up after (essentially) passing out the previous day because of exhaustion and a minor head injury—and suddenly remembers that he missed his arranged meeting with usotsuki.

(under the cut)

Alright so not much to talk about really, but I do remember having no idea how to describe the frantic spamming of mouse clicks that a person does when impatient.

Again nothing special, but Kokichi’s lack of worry here is notable for two reasons:

First, despite Kokichi always making a lot of assumptions whenever he can, it’s still always based off of some sort of evidence. If there’s no reason for him to assume something, he won’t. He has no reason to think something went wrong, so he has no reason to assume so. Similarly, he has no reason yet to even consider the possibility that he’s talking to Kaito, something a lot of readers don’t seem to realize. Kokichi is just smart, not omnipotent.

Second, it’s just reminding the reader that Kokichi doesn’t know about space_hero’s condition and thus has no reason at this time to worry. That changes quite quickly, however.

Alright, and here we get to one of the two really difficult parts of this scene, and the most difficult part about writing a character who thrives off of denial.

Kaito would never let himself finish the thought of, “what if I had died,” which makes it really hard for me to express what specifically he’s not-thinking about in this scene.

There are plenty of moments in KL where Kaito is an unreliable narrator/POV, and there are so many times where I’m not able to actually talk about what is going on through Kaito’s head because he’s actively avoiding/burying it. Since KL strictly follows his POV, I can’t suddenly jump out with a detached description saying something like, “Kaito refused to even think about dying from his illness” because Kaito is refusing to think about it.

Personally I think this makes for an interesting read, because I have to depend on the reader to fill in the blanks themselves. But that can also make it more confusing. Let’s take a look at what follows:

If the reader can’t understand what Kaito was stopping himself from thinking, they can’t understand why he reacts so dramatically. Kaito is so unwilling to even think about the possibility of his illness being terminal that he has to physically jerk himself out of his thoughts.

I think I played around with this scene a lot, because I was really worried about it being very hard to guess how Kaito was going to finish his sentence. I’m sure there’s some way I could have made it more obvious, but it’s just moments like these that make it really hard being stuck in Kaito’s POV.

Another difficult thing is describing the physical symptoms of his anxiety towards his situation. This is most notable in chapter 4, but it’s something I was concerned about as I reread KL for this ask. For Kaito to start suddenly coughing, hyperventilating, or for him to tense up at a moment’s notice—obviously all of that seems very questionable. However, that’s not what’s happening.

What’s going on is, Kaito is subconsciously and sometimes willingly ignoring himself beginning to tense up, or forgetting to breathe and relax. That leads to the physical stress building up without him noticing, and he only becomes aware of it when something very stressful or shocking happens, which causes that stress to overload and cause a huge physical reaction.

But again, if a reader can’t consider that, then it seems like I’m just dialing Kaito’s physical state to whatever the moment needs it to be.

All of this is mostly just classic Kaito distracting himself from his thoughts. I’m also trying to set up the fact that he and Rantaro actually are friends, that Rantaro travels and skips school a lot, and also that not a lot of people stick around Hope’s Peak Academy during the weekends. It was mentioned earlier in this chapter that Maki, Shuichi, and even Kirumi had somewhere else to be during the weekend. In Chapter 2, Kokichi went on a small rant that everyone, “even Ryouma,” hadn’t stayed at the school that night.

All of that, as well as Kaito knowing who would be around at school during the weekend, as well as “why can’t anyone normal ever sticking around” implying that this is a complaint he’s had before, implies that Kaito, unlike a lot of his peers, doesn’t usually leave HPA, and that that isn’t normal for an Ultimate student. Which might lead the reader to think that maybe Kaito has nowhere/no one else to visit.

Of course, there’s also enough clues to realize Kokichi also doesn’t leave HPA. If the reader knows about Kokichi’s and Kaito’s event where they’re the only two students around during the holidays, than perhaps it’ll be easier for them to go, “oh yeah.”

Alright, here’s the part that made my instantly think of this as the hardest scene in the fic:

It’s just that one line, but it was a pretty big deal to me.

Because originally, that line happened, and then Kaito kind of just wasted the rest of the day doing nothing, and it would be that way until he got a response from usotsuki.

I came back a few hours later to continue writing, reread that part, and it suddenly struck me how completely out of character that was.

Normally I’m pretty confident in my interpretation of Kaito’s character, but in that moment, I had completely lost a part of Kaito—the one that never stops trying.

Because that’s the reason behind Kaito’s entire denial. It’s not that he doesn’t believe he can get sick, or doesn’t acknowledge death as a part of life—Suddenly Kaito is being told that he has no choice but to abandon all of his dreams, and that he should accept the fact that he’s likely going to die, with no control over any of it.

No one is telling him that if he takes really good care of himself he can push through, or that it’s still possible he can recover and go to space. If that were the case, then we’d probably see a very different story, one where Kaito aims to do absolutely everything to ensure his survival and fitness. Instead, it’s a firm, 100% statement of “it’s impossible, there’s nothing you can do, and you need to give up.”

There is no space for him to try. There is no solution to the problem. Kaito is someone who needs to believe that he has control over the situation, believe that he can choose his own fate. Acknowledging the reality of his situation would break him, and thus denial is the only thing keeping him together. If Kaito loses hope, then he can’t go back.

Small little tangent aside, I felt like in that moment, I forgot what the root of this entire story was. And thus, this scene became a moment where I was pulling from my own feelings more than Kaito’s.

Now I’m a lot more careful about it and I’m often checking that Kaito is true to his beliefs, so hopefully there are no other moments like this in the future.

“That’s stupid” is a call out aimed directly at myself, haha. I do want to say that I left one line of Kaito’s inclination to do nothing just as a sort of tease of sorts. Right now Kaito isn’t giving up, but will that always be true?

Another bit of what could be foreshadowing, or maybe an innocent spark of foreboding for the readers.

Space is Kaito’s motivation, the embodiment of his dreams. In the past, looking at the sky gave him hope, but now there’s a sense of fear(—fear that he might not ever get to reach them). Once again, with Kaito hiding his negative thoughts, I really hope readers can put the pieces together and understand what the “sense of dread” is about.

But hey, this time I quite directly imply what it was. I’m quite lucky Kaito is at least vocal about his “positive” thoughts.

And with that, we end the scene with even more of Kaito distracting himself from all his problems!

I hope that this was somewhat interesting!! This might not be an important scene in the overall plot, but I guess it’s a good representation of Kaito’s denial, as well as a good representation of how I sometimes like to hide extra information in unassuming paragraphs.

TLDR, this scene was the hardest to write because my point of view character is preventing me from actually describing what’s going on, and also it’s sometimes hard to separate his attitude from my own.

(I’ll answer your second question in a separate post, just because of how long this got.)

#muzothecat #ask #kaito momota #kind lie #danganronpa v3

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some-cookie-crumbz · 7 years ago

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Aliens

Aliens Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender Pairing: Kidge Summary: Implications of torture! After getting booted from a summer camp, Katie has to tag around with her dad at the Garrison base. Things get slightly more interesting, however, when she starts following around a different Garrison emlpoyee. Standard Disclaimer: If you read and enjoy this, please give it a like/ reblog so I know if I should write more. AN: So, this prompt ended up getting ridiculously involved for me, and I’ve decided I’m gonna write this as a multi-chapter story. For now, consider this a preview and I’ll include more information about the full story in my next update post. :3

She watched everything around her with a sharp eye and keen interest.

Bringing your child into work wasn’t something that a lot of Garrison officers typically did – mostly because they weren’t supposed to – but this was a special case. “You see,” Her dad explained to his superior officer with a small, almost-nervous chuckle, “my wife is away visiting family. Her father is terribly ill and, well, we decided it would be better for Katie to stay here. It would be too hard for my dear Colleen to help her mother, whom is also terribly frail, take care of her father as well as keep a seven year old entertained. And it’ll only be for seven, eight weeks, at most!”

Commander Sampson eyed her wearily as her father spoke, still seeming unsure, before turning his attention back to her dad. “Are you sure that she will behave herself, Samuel?” He asked calmly.

“Oh, absolutely! I’ll keep her stuck to my hip like glue!” He promised, smiling wide and reassuringly at the other.

“Will your son also be following you along?”

“Oh, no, Matthew is away at a science summer camp until late August. Colleen should be home by then,” He said. Katie had originally gone to a science summer camp, too, but been kicked out after she stuffed another kid’s bunk with honey to play a real-life game of Ants-in-the-Pants. She was accused of being too rowdy and mean-spirited; she argued that she was standing up for herself against one of the kids bullying her, since none of the camp counselors had tried to help her at all. Samuel had stood beside his daughter, saying something about “bad press” and “negligence lawsuits”, which successfully got both Katie and the other child booted from the program.

Which had left her preening in delight. She may have gone down, but at least she took that jerk down with her.

With a slow exhale through his nose, Commander Sampson turned to Samuel again. “I’ll allow it, but make sure you keep her close at hand. The Garrison is not a daycare; it’s a military organization that trains space explorers,” He said strictly, sizing Katie up one last time, before heading back off to resume his duties.

“Thank you, Sir!” Samuel called after him before beaming down at her. He reached down and ruffled her hair before taking her hand. “Well, looks like you’re going to be getting the grand tour of the Garrison a few years early! You excited?”

“Yeah! Can I sit in for your lectures?” She asked eagerly.

He chuckled and gently steered her towards his office. “Absolutely! But do make sure to behave and stay quiet; can’t have you giving my students all the answers, now, can we?” He chuckled as they headed in. He gathered up his laptop, folders and a few other things before handing her the little messenger bag with some of her things in it. Once she had properly settled the strap on her shoulder, he took her hand and they headed along the halls towards the lecture halls.

And for the first two times she watched his lecture, she’d been enthralled. The third time, however, her interest started to wane. She tried her best to stay quiet – really, she did – but she was bored with this and flopped about in her father’s office chair. Sometimes, when he asked a question and there was a long pause between volunteers to answer, she’d let out a long, pitiful sigh. The students found this hilarious each time she did it, but she could tell her dad was reaching the ends of his patience by the time the lecture was over. “Katie, darling, you promised to behave,” He said, keeping his tone gentle as he knelt down and spun the chair around so she was facing him again.

“But I’m bored!” She whined loudly, feeling no need to tone it back now that there were so few students left in the room. The last couple chuckled a bit at her but she ignored them. She flipped around so that she was sitting in his chair upside down. “I like your lecture, but why can’t you do a different one for the next class?”

“That’s not how a teaching plan works, Katie,” He said patiently. He reached down, picked her up, and set her back down in the chair so she was seated properly. “I have to make sure all my students in all my classes are on the same page so they can work together or seek me out if they need additional help with something.”

“Showing the future head of our department a thing or two, Samuel?” A warm voice teased from the large doors leading into the classroom.

Sam chuckled and glanced over. “Hello, Hannah. And I’m just trying to convince my daughter, Katie, to behave despite being bored with my lecture for the day,” He explained, motioning the woman over. Katie thought she looked kind of familiar; an adult she’d probably seen at one of those boring work events her dad had to attend a lot. “Katie, this is Hannah Curtis. She’s one of the head researches in life on other planets.”

Katie perked up at that, eyes getting bright at that. “You mean you get to study aliens?” She asked.

Hannah giggled politely as she walked down one of the aisles to the table. “Well, so far we haven’t found any in the way you’re thinking; mostly just alien plant life. But it’s still pretty interesting stuff,” She said happily. She then turned her attention back to Sam. “I was wondering if you had a spare tablet charger. I’m working on a new project with a lot of complicated data and, well, I’ve never been good about remembering where I keep those chargers.”

Samuel chuckled and nodded, opening a drawer of his desk and rummaging through. “I swear, between you and the Douglas’, I’m gonna run out of spare charging cables,” He teased lightly, pulling out a small, bound black cable and offering it to her. “What projects are you working on right now, anyway? I heard they’d transferred you off of the Callisto research study to put you in charge of another program, but didn’t hear any specifics being mentioned.”

Hannah chuckled a bit as she fiddled with the cord. “Oh, just your run-of-the-mill research on a foreign organism located a few miles off. They think it has something to do with that meteor shower a few weeks back but I’m still not sure. You know, Samuel,” She said, her gaze shifting to Katie as she spoke before snapping back up at him, “I could take Katie with me back to my lab, if you’d like. I have some samples and tests to run that I could use a little bit of help with. She could take notes for me and maybe even get to see some of the results up close and personal.” She offered, fiddling with the cable in her hands.

Katie gasped and sat upright immediately, clutching at the arm of the chair and looking at Sam with large, pleading eyes. “Can I, Dad? Pretty, pretty please?”

He looked down at her and scowled. “Katie, darling, I told Commander Sampson that you would stay with me,” He said.

“Aw, Sam,” Hannah laughed lightly, “I’ll deal with Derek. I’m sure he won’t mind so long as she isn’t wandering the halls aimless and alone.”

He still seemed a bit unsure, turning his attention back to Katie. He reached down and gently pushed her unruly copper-tinted bangs from her face. “Do you promise to behave yourself for Hannah? Meaning you’ll mind your manners and do as your told and not act out?” He asked.

“I promise I will if you let me go with her!” She insisted, sticking her lower lip out just enough to make it quiver.

He chuckled and ruffled her hair affectionately. “Okay, you can cut it back on the theatrics. Just make sure you keep your promise to listen, because if you don’t, Hannah will bring you back to me in a heartbeat, understand?”

She beamed up and held her arms up, embracing him tightly once he leaned close enough to be reached. “I will! Thank you so much, Daddy!” She slipped out of the chair and took the hand Hannah offered to her, staring up at her excitedly. “Will I really get to look at samples if I behave?”

“Of course! Oh, and I’ll bring her back for lunch, too. I figure, depending on how interesting she finds everything, I could keep her with me after that, too, if it’s okay,” Hannah suggested.

“Let’s just see how she does between now and lunch,” Samuel said, picking her bag up off the floor and gently draping it over her shoulder, “and determine where to go from there, okay?”

“Thank you, Daddy! I’ll see you later!” She called as she walked along with the older woman, waving back at him as they headed out. She looked up at Hannah curiously as they stepped out into the hallway, weaving between the throngs of students darting here and there before the bell could chime again. “Have you ever seen a real alien before? Because my Dad says that aliens are real but that we just haven’t gotten enough proof yet.”

Hannah giggled a bit. “What if I told you that I have a real life alien in my lab, right now?” She asked, leaning down a bit and lower her voice to avoid being overheard.

“Really?” Katie nearly shrieked, eyes shining with excitement.

Hannah gently pressed a finger to her lips but giggled despite herself. “Settle down, dear. We can’t have the whole place finding out about it,” She said gently. Katie gasped quietly and clapped a hand against her mouth, nodding in understanding. “But yes, we did. It’s a small thing and we still don’t know a lot about it, but we’re doing the best we can to learn more about it and why it came to Earth.” She explained before fishing a key card from her jacket pocket and sliding it through the elevator. She let Katie enter first, then stepped in herself.

The ride in the elevator was mostly quiet, with only Katie’s excited humming to fill the void. When the doors opened, they were in a lower floor area that was filled with transparent cells with cots and toilets but nothing else. It reminded her of a scene she’d seen in a movie she and Matt had watched one night when their sitter fell asleep on the couch while their parents were out. The rooms had transparent, glass doors with multiple little holes in them for oxygen and, if she were to guess, communication. There were tons of other Garrison scientists running about, but they had swapped out their Garrison golds and olives for traditional scientist white coats. Hannah approached an area with desks to their left, already starting to shrug off her blazer. Katie followed after her, unsure of what else to do. “Let me just slip into my proper coat and I’ll take you to see it, okay, Katie?” Hannah said politely.

“Dr. Fritz, there you are! We’ve been looking all over-!” Another scientist, a younger looking fellow with hair that looked like it had just been rubbed against a balloon and wild green eyes darted over, a tablet clutched tightly in his grasp. He cut off, however, when he saw Katie and let out a terrified squawk. “Dr. Fritz!” He voice grew high and cracked with anxiety.

“Oh, settle down, Andy! This is Katie, Commander Holt’s daughter. I’m sure you remember her from the company picnic a few weeks ago, right?” Hannah said with a small wave, finally shrugging her blazer off completely and moving to grab the white coat tossed over the back of the chair. Katie waved politely at Andy before her attention shifted to a picture of Callisto on Dr. Fritz’ desk. She seemed to notice, by how she plucked it up and offered it to her. “Here, if you’d like a better look. Pretty neat, huh, Katie?” She giggled.

“Doctor Fritz, this is highly problematic! We can’t have a child wandering around here with that thing in here! What if word got out? If Commander Wickler found out what we were doing-!” He yelped again when Hannah grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and pulled him closer.

“Commander Wickler won’t find out anything if you keep your mouth shut and let me do my damn job. I know what I’m doing, unlike the rest of you,” She said, keeping her voice quiet to avoid attracting Katie’s attention. She then shoved him back and glared at him. “Now, Andy, why don’t you go make sure our guest is awake and ready for visitors? I promised Katie that she could see it for herself.” She said evenly, turning her attention and a bright smile back to the young girl beside her.

Andy still looked uncomfortable but nodded. “Of course, Dr. Fritz,” He said quietly, rapping his fingers along the tablet as he headed off.

“So you’re a doctor? Do you specialize in aliens?” Katie asked, offering the picture back to Hannah.

She smiled and nodded, calmly placing the picture back on her desk. “Indeed I am. Well, the degree technically says I’m a doctor of Biology, but I’ve always been more interested in the anatomy of foreign entities. This is the first time it’s been something more than a plant or a root. This one… This one could yield some real information about what space is like,” She said, her voice becoming awestruck the longer she spoke.

Katie smiled wider herself. She hoped that someday she could be as passionate as Hannah was about her work.

Hannah seemed to snap free of her moment and led Katie along. “Now, I want you to stay close to me. It can get a little aggressive if you get too close to the glass of its cell,” She explained as they walked. Most of the units were empty but the farthest one back was where Hannah finally stopped. “It usually tends to duck under the cot and stay in the corner, but if you look you should be able to see it’s eyes.” She advised, pointing at the area in question.

Katie looked down to see two narrowed, glowing gold eyes watching her from beneath the mattress of the small bed. She gasped and immediately scrambled down, sitting cross-legged and leaning a bit closer to the plate-glass of the cell. Hannah stepped back a bit further as she observed Katie’s behavior, going until she was nearly pressed against the glass of the empty cell across from the one the subject was being held in. “Hello,” She said with a soft gasp.

The eyes widened a bit before she could see the silhouette of whatever it was moving. She heard Hannah mumble something under her breath but she couldn’t make out exactly what she said. The figure shifted out, crawling out while staying low to the ground, and she blinked in surprise at the alien staring back at her. It’s eyes were a bright gold with slim pupils, but the eyes were set in a humanoid face of pale purple skin. There was also a mop of inky hair with two cat-like ears sticking out, the ears covered in a purple fur that match his skin. The ears also had two little tufts at the tip, the fur there a slightly darker purple than the rest. It was wearing Earth attire, which she found a little strange, and the bright red shirt paired with tan khakis seemed like an odd fit. She also noticed a long, fluffy purple tail curling behind it and a strange collar of some sort around it’s neck.

She shifted a bit closer herself, starting to reach out to touch the glass, when Andy darted back over and gasped. “It came out!” He sputtered in alarm.

Immediately, the alien hissed violently, revealing long and sharp looking fangs, before scampering back under the bed. Hannah growled and whipped her head around to glare at him. “You simple-minded idiot!” She hissed, walking over to him.

Katie watched them for a moment then scooted a bit closer, leaning up a little so that she could speak near one of the vents. “Hello, my name is Katie,” She called lightly.

Hannah paused in her berating of Andy and watched, shifting her attention from Katie to the alien inside the cell whom had perked back up a little bit from the other speaking to him.

“I take it you haven’t spent a lot of time on Earth, but it’s good that you at least got some clothes. Hopefully it not too bad, since I’m not sure how comfy it is with your tail and all. I mean, unless a hole was cut in the back so that your tail could come out easier? I can’t really tell, since you seem to like hiding under the bed,” She said.

The alien shifted inside the cell, moving to lay down on its belly. It was the most at east that it had been since they’d found it half-dead on the side of the road nearly three weeks back.

“So, like, I take it your type of alien are kinda like cats? My Aunt Lucy has a cat that runs under the couch or the bed whenever visitors come over. She says that he’s a scaredy cat, but I think it’s just more that he doesn’t like Matt cause he pets him weird,” She said, tapping her feet together as she spoke. She leaned back a bit on her hands, getting more comfortable. “Matt’s my big brother. He’s okay when he isn’t being a total jerk. Sometimes he calls me Pidge, cause he says I’m small like a pigeon, and I hate it.” She continued to prattle on for as long as she was allowed, promising that she’d draw a picture of the new puppy they’d just gotten for him to see while she was eating her lunch.

Hannah dropped her back of with her Dad after about two hours, promising to come get her again a little later.

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“Dr. Fritz, I don’t understand why you brought that little girl in here. She could tell Commander Holt about the alien and blow the whistle on our research studies!” Andy squeaked out anxiously, clutching the tablet so tightly that it looked like the screen might crack. He was standing beside her desk as she turned her tablet back on, humming quietly as it loaded. He glanced down at the tablet in his hands, at the near-empty document regarding the alien they’d found. He didn’t have much to say about it other than it’s appearance and the accelerated rate at which it’s injuries had healed.

“Andy, we have a lovely little opportunity placed before us,” She said evenly, plucking out the stylus and beginning to write down some information. Added to her own list of information – which also included the alien’s hostile and volatile temperament, as well as its apparent lack of Earth knowledge or speaking capabilities – she added a few notes to her file.

“What do you mean?” He asked, trying to peer over her shoulder at what she’d written. Instead, she turned her chair around with a quick snap and pointed her stylus at him, less than an inch from touching his nose. He took a step back and gulped.

“How about instead of questioning me,” She mused, her tone sugary sweet and fatal, “you follow my orders to assure the integrity of our research? Katie Holt can be an interesting little pawn that can help us figure out where this thing came from. That kind of information could be invaluable to the Garrison.” She glared before tilting back in her seat, adjusting to reread the report she had drafted up about her research for the day.

Subject is a potential juvenile specimen of species; more data needed to confirm. Subject seems to have a higher tolerance for pain than humans; electrocution caused clear pain, but had a higher tolerance than human before pain reached excessive levels. Heightened healing element continues to be prominent factor; wounds caused by electrocution assessment seemed to heal more effectively than would heal for a human specimen once current was shut down. Healing element only seems to take effect once injury has ceased but will need to conduct further research to confirm. New assessments are being completed to determine the intelligence and amount of knowledge the subject has about Earth culture and habits. As of now, seems to recognize inflection and volume as indicators of intent of words; ability to understand the language has yet to be determined. Assessment schedule shall be properly scheduled and finalized to determine.

She smirked and picked her tablet back up. “Andy, go get a testing room and tranquilizer gun ready, would you? I want to run a few more tests on the subject’s limitations in regards to pain tolerance and the healing aspect of it before I start figuring out a proper schedule for the rest of the tests,” She said while standing up.

The other nodded and headed off, glancing back over his shoulder as she headed down along the aisle to the cell it was resting inside. Shortly after Katie had left, it seemed to go back on the defensive, its anxiety hyped up. “You must be so lonely, aren’t you?” Hannah giggled, lightly wrapping her knuckles against the glass.

A hiss that was most likely meant to sound threatening was her answer.

“Don’t worry now, little one. I think I can schedule regular play dates for you and Katie. Would you like that? Having a little friend to talk to?” She mused, pushing away from the glass to close the tablet and tuck it into one of the large inner pockets of the coat. “So long as we keep things under wraps, Katie will continue playing into our hands quite nicely. We can assess of how much use you’ll be to use. And who knows! Perhaps we’ll even be able to locate whatever kind of ship you came here on! That would certainly be a discovery worth something to Commander Wickler, maybe even keep us from getting read the riot act for keeping you under wraps!” She said with a happy sigh, pressing one hand to her chest.

If she could just make that reality, everything she’d been through would be worth it.

Andy reappeared a moment later with the gun she’d asked for, passing it over uneasily. “Dr. Fritz, I wasn’t sure what you wanted to check so I just set out a whole bunch of different options. I hope that’s acceptable,” He stammered out uneasily.

Dr. Fritz turned and smiled, a cruel little thing, and gave his cheek a little pat. “Thank you, Andy. I’ll meet you in there in a moment,” She said before pulling a small key card from her pocket. This one was different from the one she used for the elevator, a bit smaller and was a pale blue hue, so that she distinguish them and avoid getting asked questions about the smaller one. She slid it through the card reader beside the cell and beamed as the door slowly slid up.

The subject, as she had learned once before, was surprisingly quick, but luckily she was a faster shot.

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Katie had been thrilled to bits when Hannah offered to take her for half the day to make things easier on Samuel. “I can see why you wanted to bring her with you, Sam,” Hannah had said with a bright smile. She reached down and gently gave Katie’s shoulder a squeeze. “She’s such a good little helper!”

Sam stared at her surprise, blinked, then chuckled a bit. “My, you must have really been able to keep her interest then! If she doesn’t enjoy something, she tends to become a bit unruly!” He said.

“Alien plants can be rather interesting, I’ll have you know,” She teased lightly. “If it’s okay, I’d like to take her on for as long as she’s here as my helper. I could take here around the same time every day, bring her back up for lunch, take her back to my lab afterwards, and then bring her back in time for your last lecture of the day. Would that be okay?”

“So long as she wants to go and you don’t mind having her, I suppose there isn’t a problem with it,” He said, smiling at his daughter. There was comfort in knowing that she was gaining more knowledge despite not being in the camp still. At least this way he didn’t have to worry about her getting bullied by a bunch of immature little ingrates. He smiled and waved as the two of them headed back out of the lecture hall.

“Can I ask a question, Dr. Fritz?” Katie asked curiously as they walked along.

“Katie, you can call me Hannah. We’re friends, after all,” She said, her smile and voice warm to the younger beside her.

The younger beamed up at her. “Okay, Hannah. I wanted to ask about… Um… The alien,” She said, lowering her voice and mouthing out the last bit. Hannah hummed and nodded as they got into the elevator. “Well, where did you find him? Was he out attacking people? Or was he, like, eating power lines or something?” She asked curiously.

“Oh, I found it while doing some additional work. See, I had driven to a separate Garrison base to assist another researcher with examining some samples they acquired from a meteor,” She explained as she slid the card key through and began the descent. “I was driving home to my hotel late one night, and it ran out into the road from the treeline nearby. At first, I thought I had just hit a large dog or something, but when I stopped, I found that I had actually hit it. I figured this would be a wonderful chance to learn a bit more about the life forms we share the universe with.”

Katie’s brow knitted a bit at her words. “Do you think… Do you think it was lost? And that was why it ran out into the road?” She asked worriedly.

“Katie, darling, it is much better that it be here. After all, it clearly knows next to nothing about human culture or life on Earth. And the poor thing was terribly injured from being hit! If not for me bringing it here, it probably would have died. I, in a way, have saved its life,” She said calmly as they reached their floor. The doors slid open and she gently ushered Katie out and into the front room. “It’s a win-win situation for us all, really. It stays alive and well-fed; we gain more knowledge about what aliens in our universe are capable of.”

Katie nodded mutely but said nothing. Taking her silence as anticipation, Hannah hurried her along to the cell.

Andy was there, carefully shoving a tray of food into the cell through a slim slot on the floor. He looked over and plastered on a nervous smile. “A-Ah, Katie Holt! Welcome back to our neck of the woods!” He said, glancing from her to Dr. Fritz uneasily.

His response from his boss was a curt nod. “We’ll have to see if he’ll come out to eat. He hasn’t seemed too keen on having guests to talk with him while he eats,” Hannah advised Katie as she settled on the floor in front of the cell, much like she had the day before.

“Maybe none of the things you’ve wanted to talk to him before are things he wants to talk about,” Katie said as she opened her little bag and fished out her drawing pad and crayons. She flipped to a new page, opened her box, and pulled out the brown crayon first. “I mean, I know I’d be less likely to want to eat without someone to have a fun conversation with.”

A quick glance over the top of her page revealed two gleaming yellow eyes keyed in on her. Good, she had its attention. That was a start.

She turned her attention back towards her drawing as she started to drag the crayon along the pages. “So, it’s clear you aren’t from Earth. So you must be from some place really far away and really cool, huh? But I guess Earth is kinda cool to you, huh? Since you’ve never been here before?” She said. After a small pause, she switched the brown crayon for the gray one instead. “That’s one of the things me and Matt like about when we do big family trips, anyway. Getting to see all the different places we’ve never been before, I mean,” She said before lifting her head again.

The alien had crept out a bit further and settled to imitate her posture, sitting on the other side of the glass to watch her in exchange.

She smiled and giggled. “So, my name’s Katie. What’s yours?”

Silence for a beat, before the alien cocked it’s head, mouthing out its response of, “Keith.”

#Voltron legendary defender #Keidge #Kidge #Peith #Kidgemas #keidgemonth2k18 #kidgemonth2k18 #Pidge Gunderson #Keith Kogane #my fics

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journeysintowebcomics · 7 years ago

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Stand Still Stay Silent Liveblog #17

UPDATE 17: The Rest of the Team

Last time a troll had breached into the infamous train despite all the saws it has. It was a rather striking fight, in which Emil and Lalli stayed aside while the guards dealt with it, because they didn’t get away in time. For the record, the deformed creatures the rash illness caused are terrifying. Let’s continue.

I’m pretty sure Emil got in bed in three seconds flat. He even buckles up. Screw the uncomfortable feeling of having seatbelts pressing on you, he’s scared. I suppose it’s not often he sees breaches like this. How often do cleansers see a troll, I wonder? I’d have supposed they do rather often, but that was quite the reaction. Then again, cleansers while working surely have weapons and other tools, and Emil here had nothing besides his fists. Of course he’d be scared.

Lalli already knows Emil’s priorities, hah!

‘Highly unusual degree of inconveniences’, the attendant says. I’ll say! It sure is inconvenient a troll punched through the hull of the train, injured like four people and turned a small area of the train into a swamp of blood and nastiness. Hah! But okay, yeah, she’s right: first thing to do is always to try to calm down the passengers. I’m pretty sure nobody is fooled, though. Everyone in this world must know by now the kind of risks there are every day.

‘We swear, this almost never happens’ Okay, that sounded a little bit like too much denial. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but hearing a professional say ‘we swear X horrible event almost never happens’ doesn’t fill me with confidence. I’ll say, though: they were prepared and ready for the situation, and that’s good.

It’s sunrise, the train is arriving to the station. The people who come to decontaminate look...surprised? At the extent of the damage, I suppose. Cleaning the train is going to be a nightmare, isn’t it. These people better get paid well.

I suppose Emil informed Tuuri of what happened last night while they left the station. You wish to have seen that by yourself, Tuuri? They step out, and are greeted by two of the remaining team members and Trond Andersen.

These two are certainly the descendants of their ancestors. You look almost exactly like Aksel Eide, and you...you do resemble Madsen. Welcome to the story! Try not to die, because the things that fill this world are rather dangerous.

Is that an oil rig? So the Danes repurposed an oil rig to be a station. Sounds good, being surrounded by water should keep them safe from anything evil that may come by. I suppose the odds of that happening are extremely low, though.

Looks like that’s the end of the scene. Time for some more worldbuilding. Since otherwise this would be a rather short update, I’ll continue. This time, the informational page is about the many beasts that populate this world. They come in three varieties, each one being twice as horrifying as the last one.

Okay, sounds simple enough. Beasts resemble the creatures they once were, just that they’re infected and mutated. Seems to me like they keep some animalistic traits such as resistance to the cold – animals in general fare better than humans in the wilderness, don’t they? I suppose that’s why beasts can survive more.

Trolls are...human-based, I suppose. Ew. Just what kind of illness was this, that turned a normal everyday human into a twisted abomination that looks like it came out of a movie made by David Cronenberg? Looks like trolls wait for prey to pass by. I had thought the thing that attacked the train was a troll, but looks like it wasn’t. Seems to me like it’s more likely to be a giant, because of its size and how it looked.

Giants are...they look like something you’d find in the deepest parts of the ocean or the earth. There’s nothing human here besides the components, I think. Giants are formed through the fusion of trolls, so that means giants are conglomerations of different infected human beings. I really don’t want to think about humans fusing like amoebas. I’m now thinking about infected humans fusing like amoebas. This is so morbidly tenebrous, I’m having goosebumps.

Let it be known I admire Ms. Sundberg drawing so much details in the thing that attacked the train. It’d be simple to make it be some sort of blob, just coloring the inside black and adding a few details, but no, I remember there was a lot of detail, and it wasn’t like that was there for one single panel, it appeared over and over. That’s dedication.

Now that I had today’s dose of nightmare fuel, may as well continue. Another chapter! SSSS is blazing through the chapters, isn’t it? Starting the fourth chapter now. May as well do the usual thoughts.

This was the first time the story showed right here on-screen just how serious the situation is in this world. So far SSSS had been rather lighthearted despite the whole apocalypse thing, but this chapter made very clear this isn’t fun and games. Trolls and giants are something to be afraid of. It’s not that I ever thought those wouldn’t be threatening, it’s more like it’s easy to underestimate how bad something is unless you see it by yourself. What happened in that train shows it very well.

Also, high time I put these!

I’m rather fond of all the characters so far. Nice! I’m also excited to finally meet the next two. Let’s get that underway!

Chapter 4. Tuuri is driving, even though she barely can see over the wheel. Lalli is over there having a horrible time, Emil is...bandaged, for some reason, and the new two characters are lounging around. Okay, let’s start.

Have you ever met a Norwegian or a Dane, Emil? He has met Norwegians, and thinks they’re unruly. Huh. Eide seems rather cheerful, yep, but I don’t know if Eide will be unruly. Madsen seems rather calm, like nothing will bother him. I don’t know if it’s true that Danish language is so convoluted you can’t understand a word, but eh. I’m pretty sure that’s how it all sounds to someone who doesn’t know the language, like me.

Pffft, for someone who is concerned all the time about first impressions, Emil simply can’t make a good one. Replace that fist with your own foot, why don’t you, kid. At least he didn’t do this right in front of Madsen. Would Madsen be upset about this? It depends if he is as stoic as he seems to be at first sight.

Siv comes to get them to meet their new teammates before Emil can make himself look even worse. Tuuri doesn’t need to be told twice, she goes down excitedly and stops right in front of Eide, looking up and amazed Eide is so tall – are you glad you finally met someone tall, Tuuri? But yeah, comparing Emil and Eide, the latter is rather tall.

‘Why, yes I am! I like you already’ someone is sociable, huh. Their names are Sigrun and Mikkel. I suppose Mikkel is Madsen’s descendant because I remember the Madsens all had names starting with M. I just went to check the photo that was in the prologue and yep, almost everyone had names starting with M. Mikkel Madsen and Sigrun Eide…wasn’t there an ancestor named Sigrun? Nice!

Sigrun Eide is the captain of the team and is competent, at the very least, while Mikkel…gets fired a lot. Oh boy, he truly is the descendant of his ancestors. They both seems rather nice, Mikkel is courteous, gives greetings and shakes hands, while Sigrun sings praises to herself and wallops Lalli on the back.

Lalli’s going to have a hard time, isn’t he? He doesn’t understand any languages other than Finnish, Sigrun seems rather fond of physical contact, and Emil’s being awkward around him. ‘Why do these people keep hitting me, indeed’.

Overall, I think the group dynamic here is disastrous. It’ll be like everyone is in their own little world, and the language barriers don’t help. I also think everyone except maybe Lalli has the intentions and potentials to continue despite all these problems, so…yeah, they’ll be okay. Lalli is the one I see being troublesome, and not because he does it on purpose.

While they’re still getting acquainted, a yelling man comes by in ALL CAPS. He sure is excited! He’s so excited he won’t tell anyone about the unauthorized looting the group will be doing!

Does yelling count as telling? It’s a good thing people in general don’t care that much about what other people do. It doesn’t make Torbjorn be any less nervous, of course. Better hurry to pass through the edge of the Known World and into the wilderness! It’ll be fun and deadly! They’re…they’re going to go on foot? No, that’s impossible, the start of the chapter showed everyone in some sort of vehicle. Maybe they’ll find it somewhere out there.

Ah, there we go, Sigrun says just what I was hoping to hear. The vehicle is over there. Tuuri can’t wait to see the vehicle they’ll spend their lives with for the foreseeable future, and hurries down the line of hella impressive tanks. When she gets to the end…

No, that’s not the one. Five or six people don’t even fit there, anyway. Thankfully for the mission, the real vehicle is much larger and much sturdier.

Fancy enough. Not like the others, but it won’t crumble down in a heap of junk. It also looks spacious enough to sleep in. Sure, as a whole it’s a bit rickety, but given the budget…

Emil, are you trying to break some kind of record about how many times you can screw up today? This is the third time you do something. He leaned on a side mirror and broke it, right when Torbjorn and Mikkel were coming. Luckily for him, they didn’t notice. It doesn’t stop him from throwing the mirror away as if it was some sort of Molotov cocktail.

Haha, I like how Sigrun looks positively horrified. The mirror gives some unfortunate worker a concussion. Make that four times Emil screwed up today. For his next trick he’ll fall on the ground, something will walk over him, everyone will laugh.

Sigrun is a real trooper; he lies and says the mirror was already broken. That’s our captain! Mikkel has other things to comment on, such as the large bruise on Emil’s face. Ah, right…he has a bruise. It must have happened during one of the many times he hit his face against the floor last night. Mikkel offers to help heal it, he has some ointment for that, but Emil isn’t understanding him at all. Don’t make the comment about Danish people and their mouths full of porridge.

This team as a whole is off to a wonderful, wonderful start. They all better return covered in glory! And, hopefully, without having strangled each other in frustration. Hah! Still, there’s one character yet to be revealed, right? They still need to appear, and they’re running out of time to arrive. It won’t take too long to get out of the known world. May as well stop for now!

Next update: in five updates

#stand still stay silent #ssss liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomics liveblogs

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fucking-hell-skarsgard · 7 years ago

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Paradise - Chapter One

A.N. - There is some swearing and medical issues in this chapter. In later chapters there will be smut (Or at least my attempt of it). The main character has a chronic illness, she also was in a motorbike accident. I’m telling you that there might be some emotional triggering parts in the future. (I will warn you before hand if there is). This is your warning. I hope to update every Friday. Any comments are welcome, thank you and enjoy!

September 23rd, 2016 - Toronto Pearson International Airport, Toronto, Canada.

Eva P.O.V.

~~~~~~~~~~

One of the joys of having a disability was getting to board the plane first. Some lovely person pushes you in a wheelchair all the way through the airport, onto the plane and stops by your seat. The air hostess helps pack your personal belongs away, so all you need to do is sit back and relax. Two downsides though, to board early you must get there ahead of the normal boarding time. Also when you travel with a service dog and have bad legs, it’s just easier to upgrade to first class. You and the dog get more room, it just costs you a little more. The only thing I had to worry about now was if anyone sat next to me, I was hoping to get some sleep within the next 7 hours. The flight left Toronto at 4:30 am, it would be sometime around 10 am when we land in London (Yeah I know time zones are shitty). I was hoping the sleep on the plane would be enough to help me stay awake for the rest of the day.

The hostess for this flight was Stacey, who I had flown with many times told me we’d be taking off in ten minutes. No one had sat next to me so far, so I was hoping that I’d have a free seat for the whole flight. I heard Stacey speak to someone, I also heard the number for the seat next to me. There went my dreams of being alone for this flight. I tried to read my book paying no attention to whoever was going to sit next to me. I felt my service dog Ragnar lift his head off my feet. Which was weird as he never normal reacted to strangers.

When I peeped up from my book to see who I was sitting next too, I couldn’t see his face. He was trying to get his carry on in the overhead storage. No matter if your luggage was the correct size, it never fit in the storage properly. With his hands above his head, his black t-shirt had risen slightly showing a sliver of pale skin and a light treasure trail down into his jeans. He was extremely tall. Coming from a 5 foot 10 women, let me tell you, only a select few men have the gift of towering over me.

With one final shove, he managed to get his bag in and quickly shut the hatch. I went back to my book not to make it obvious I was staring. I could see him moving around out of the corner of my eye, once he put his seatbelt on her must have looked at who he was sat next too.

“Oh, fucking hell.” he quietly exclaimed.

I looked up unsure of what was happening. I came face to face with Bill Skarsgård.

He huffed and slumped back in his seat. “This is perfect. Seven hours sitting next to you.”

I smiled at him, “So charming as always Sweetheart. What’s this all the Swedes home on the soonest flight out?

Ragnar recognised the man next to me, he sat up and started to wag his tail. He kept looking between the two of us, knowing that he couldn’t say hello unless I told him he could.

He smiled back at me and winked. “It’s a little early for your sarcasm darling. There’s a couple of months break before promo starts, so I thought I’d hide for a while. You?”

I patted Ragnar on the head and he stepped over my legs and rested his head on Bill’s knee. Bill ruffled him behind the ears, both happy to see each other even though they had spent time together yesterday.

I placed my bookmark back in my book. “Yeah, I missed my baby sisters 1st birthday. I’m stopping in London for a couple of days, so I’ll get her something there.”

“Yeah, that sucks big time. The first one is always special.”

For a moment I had forgotten that Bill had four younger siblings, the younger two were only Seven and Four.

“I’m stopping in London too for a couple of days. You know of anything good to do?”

I nodded, “Yeah there’s loads, just depends on what you like. Shopping, museums, other tourist stuff. You booked somewhere to stay?”

Bill shook his head, “I was just going to see where the wind took me.”

I sighed, “London’s not like Stockholm, even in term time it’s still busy. Most hotels will be fully booked.”

He tipped his head back, “Shit.”

I patted his leg, “Don’t worry I’ve got a spare room.”

He turned his head towards me, “You have a place in london?”

Before I could answer Stacey came round checking all the seat belts. Ragnar knowing the routine settled himself back down under my legs. I clipped his seatbelt to the back of his harness. It wasn’t really a seat belt but a lead that was looped around the leg of the chair in front. To stop him rolling if something bag happened.

“Yeah, my dad bought the apartment in Westminster when he was teaching in London. Then I used it during university. Now we use it whenever we visit and rent it out short term for people who don’t want to stay in a hotel. Don’t worry I made sure it’s empty.”

“That’s cool, thanks.”

The plane started to move to the runway. I was fine with flying, just not take off, landing and turbulence. I offered bill a candy apple sweet to suck on before placing one in my mouth. I clenched onto the armrest as the plane picked up speed. Ragnar placed his head on my feet, knowing I needed reassuring but he knew he couldn’t move during takeoff as he was anchored to the floor.

Bill looked at me, “You okay?”

“Uhh… I’m not so good with takeoff and landings.”

He smirked, “The big bad wolf is scared of planes.”

I glared at him, “Not funny.”

“Sorry.” He took my arm off the armrest, tucking the armrest up in between our seats. He threaded his fingers through mine. He placed our conjoined hands by our legs, to hide from view.

I could feel the plane start to shake more rapidly. I concentrated on keeping my breathing steady and even. Bill was rubbing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. The plane tilted back and in a matter of minutes, we were in the air. Bill held onto my hand until I had calmed down.

“Thank you. It really helped.”

He smiled at me, “No problem.”

The seatbelt sign turned off and Bill let go of me and got his headphones out of his backpack. Ragnar knowing he could move tried to sit up. I leaned forward and unclipped him. He got up and placed his front legs on my lap. I rested my head on his stroking his silky fur. I began to feel unwell. A little shaky and dizzy, a regular feeling for me.

“You ready for 7 hours of mind-crushing shit tv?”

I snorted, patted Ragnar on the head who laid back down. “I plan on sleeping, waking for breakfast then try to get some work done.”

“You’re always so organised.”

“Ha! Organised! You’re looking at a woman that has now been awake for…” I checked my watch, “about 26 hours.”

“Shit. Why?”

“We had an early start yesterday and then I had work to do in the evening. Come 10 o’clock I couldn’t switch my brain off. Then at 1 I had to head off to the airport.”

“Hardcore. Get some sleep, I’ll look after you and Ragnar.”

I leaned the chair back and pulled on my eye cover. “Thanks, Bill.”

~~~~~~~~~~

When I woke later I couldn’t work out why it was pitch black and why my pillow was breathing. I reached up to my face feeling an eye cover, that explains the darkness. I pulled it off my eyes. The breathing pillow actually turned out to be Bill. I sat up quickly embarrassed I had slept on his shoulder.

He pulled his headphones off. “Ah, sleeping beauty has awoken.”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to use you as a pillow.”

“Don’t worry it’s fine. You needed the sleep.”

“How long was I out for?”

He checked his phone. “A little over three hours. The breakfast order went round a couple minutes ago. The stewardess said she knew what you liked.”

I sat up and stretched. “Perfect thanks, yeah I’ve flown with her many times. Could I leave Ragnar with you will I visit the bathroom?”

“Yeah sure.” Bill tucked his legs in.

I picked up my carryon and shuffled out, Ragnar stood to follow me. “Ragnar stay with Bill.”

He shuffled closer to Bill and sat down. I wandered down the corridor. In the bathroom I used my potions in my wash bag to freshen myself up, hoping that it would make me feel better. I don’t know if it was the lack of sleep but I still felt awful. My head was spinning round like the waltzers at the fair. I wet some paper towels to put against my forehead. I tried to take some deep breaths in but it made no difference. The last thing I remember was the sink coming closer.

When I woke up for the second time that day the first thing I saw was beautiful pale green eyes. When my brain caught up I realised they belonged to Bill.

He let out a sigh. “You frightened the shit out of me.”

“Sorry, the first one is a bit of a shock.”

“This happens often?”

I nodded. I tried to sit up and was unable to do so. Bill tucked his hands under my arms and helped me sit. He slid forward on the floor so my back rested on his chest. Only then did I realise I was laid in the galley part of the plane where the hostesses prepare the food. Ragnar was laid across my legs and Stacey was knelt beside me.

She smiled at me, “You have one smart dog there. He started acting up which I know isn’t him. Next thing I know he’s bolted over your friend and was scratching the bathroom door. I unlocked it and you were on the floor. Luckily you didn’t hurt your head. Bill lifted you out, we put you in here so you had some privacy..”

“Thank you. I’m sorry to freak you guys out.”

Stacey snorted, “Darling this ain’t my first rodeo. I’d rather have you passing out on me then deal with drunks or rich guys with wandering hands.”

That made me laugh. “Can I go back to my seat.”

“Sure thing honey. If your friend can take you and I’ll make you some sweet tea.”

Bill moved from behind me and Ragnar got off my legs. With Bill’s arms under mine, he helped pull me up. He put his arm around my waist to steady me and we walked slowly back to our seats, Ragnar following behind. Bill made sure I was seated and Ragnar was tucked in our row. Ragnar chose to lay on the floor in the middle of our seats.

Bill’s face was etched with worry. He sat and turned to face me. I placed my hand on his.

“I’m sorry for frightening you. It’s always rough the first time you deal with it on your own.”

“Is..is it because of your… Ya know.”

“My condition. Yeah. Sometimes I just get dizzy and pass out.”

Stacey came by with tea for both of us. She placed them on the tray in front of Bill. “You feeling better?”

“Yes thank you. And sorry again.”

“Oh, Evie stop it. It’s not the first time I’ve found you passed out in the bathroom. Breakfast will be about 30 minutes.”

Bill picked up one of the cups and passed it to me before picking up his own. “So Evie… has she dealt with this before?”

I blew on my tea and took a sip. “Yeah, Stacey does the Atlantic flights. I’ve traveled multiple times over the last 5 years so you get to know people. She knows all about me, she’s the first aider too so she’s taken care of me when I’ve been ill before.”

“You’re a nomad like me then. Forever traveling.”

I sighed. “It feels like it sometimes. It’s not how I imagined my life to turn out. But here I am.”

“What did you want before?”

“It doesn’t matter now. Rule number 3, never dwell on the past.”

Bill snorted, “You have rules?”

“Oh yes. I think that everybody should have rules or a code to live by. I bet you have rules.”

Bill wet his bottom lip. Oh, how I loved his firm plump lips. Especially when… Huh, excuse me.

“Yeah, I suppose so. Make sure I call mum once a week. Always try to make it home sometime during the year. Oh and always home for Christmas.”

“See. They’re no different to mine, I just put mine in order.”

“How many do you have?”

I hummed, “Ten at the moment. Some can change, somethings come and go.”

“Will you tell me them?”

“Maybe one day.”

He pouted, “You’re no fun.”

I laughed, “You and I both know that’s a load of shit.

He smiled again, “You’re right. Now drink your tea.”

We sat in content silence both drinking our teas. It wasn’t much longer before Stacey and one of her colleagues began the breakfast round. I noticed that she gave me mine before anyone else. That was another perk of flying first class, the food. When Stacey told Bill she knew what I liked, she wasn’t lying. She had made me a special breakfast; scrambled egg on toast, a small bowl of fruit and apple juice.

“So what shopping you need to do?” Bill asked taking the lid off his breakfast. In true Bill style, he had gone for the classic English Breakfast.

“Well, Harrods for mum’s biscuits and I need to pick up some things they’ve got on hold for me. There are some clothes things I need on Oxford street. Oh, and I might have to pop into work. I asked Katie to do most of the shopping, she’s an angel.

“Who’s Katie?” Bill asked with a mouthful of food.

“She’s the housekeeper, but a family friend too. I knew I didn’t have enough time to do everything, so I asked Katie to do a lot of the shopping. The last two weeks her family’s been staying there and they did things around London. She lives in north London, she pops in once or twice a week to check on stuff. Today she’d make the rooms up, make sure there’s food in the fridge. You can meet when we get there.”

“Ahh okay. Why does none else have your breakfast?” Bill asked.

“Because Stacey knows that after one of my episodes I don’t feel like eating. So she makes me a small portion. She’s my flying guardian angel.”

We didn’t really speak till breakfast was finished, I couldn’t manage everything so Bill and I shared the bowl of fruit. He picked up a strawberry. I rummaged in my purse for my pill box, I took my morning meds with the last of my apple juice.

“Will you be okay if I get some sleep?”

I nodded, “Yeah I’ll be okay. I won’t move.”

After the stewardesses had cleaned away our breakfast Bill asked for a pillow. Stacy brought him one back and another cup of tea for me. Bill tipped his chair back slightly and turned on his side so he faced me. It wasn’t long before he was asleep. Once he had relaxed you could see the stress and worries leave his face. You looked so young and peaceful.

I took my Ipad out of my handbag and glasses. I needed to get on with some of the work that I needed to do. There were some last minute things that needed to be dealt with for the Spring/Summer 2017 that was happening next week. I had to get them sorted before I left London in three days time, once I was back in Sweden there was nothing I could help them with. Once I had everything finished I could email the updates to the show’s director. I tried to work I really did but there’s one thing that I adore more than clothes, it’s the man sleeping next to me. Of course, he doesn’t know and I’d like to keep it that way for the foreseeable future.

I loved watching Bill sleep. I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed my sketch pad from my bag, I flipped to the back where most of my personal drawing were; most of them were either of Bill or Ragnar. I turned in my chair so I could get just the right light and then went to work. I can get lost drawing, time flies by quicker than watching tv or reading. The drawing wasn’t the work of Michelangelo, it was still quite rough around the edges. I nearly had it completed before he woke. While he was stirring I inconspicuously slid the pad back in my bag.

He rubbed his face and sat up, his long hair sticking up at the side. I reached forward and brushed it down. He sleepily smiled at me before stretching and stumbling down the aisle to the bathroom. I checked the clock on the tv screen, it told me there were only an hour and a half left of our flight.

Once Bill was no longer a sleeping distraction I finally managed to concentrate on my work. When Bill came back from the bathroom he spotted the book that I was currently reading on the top of my handbag.

“What’s the book about?”

I looked over my glasses at him then peeped down at my bag, “Oh it’s Christopher Nolan’s biography, it’s about his disability. It’s not a typical autobiography it’s told in the third person by a narrator. Go ahead borrow it, just don’t move the bookmark.”

I rummaged in my bag and pulled out a piece of blue ribbon. “Use this for your bookmark.”

Bill took it from me, “Thanks… Why ribbon.”

I looked up at him, “Working in fashion and wardrobe there’s always spare pieces of everything lying around. Plus it’s thin enough that it won’t damage the book or spine.”

Will Bill got stuck into the book I slid my glasses back up my nose and carried on with my work. It wasn’t long before we had to put our things away and buckle our seatbelts. I made sure Ragnar was hooked up too. During landing, Bill took hold of my hand again. Once we were down and people were started to move I just stayed seated.

Bill looked at me funny. “Aren’t we leaving?”

I checked my watch, “Yeah to get a wheelchair on they have to wait till first class is empty.”

Bill nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a wheelchair.”

“I only use it if I’m really bad or need to cover long distances. When I’m working I can sit anytime I need and there’s not much walking involved. Airports are too big for me to walk and there’s too much standing.”

Bill nodded. He stood and started to arrange both my luggage and his bag. It wasn’t long and two men came onto the plane one pushing a wheelchair. I recognised them straight away. The one with the wheelchair who was tall and ginger was Charlie. And the man behind him with dark hair and arms the size of Chris Hemsworth was Alfie. Those two normal helped me.

Charlie smiled at me,“Ready for your carriage m’lady.”

I moved from my seat and into the wheelchair. I still didn’t feel very well. I knew Stacey and told them because they normally wait in the walkway. Alife took most of the luggage leaving Bill with his backpack. I handed Ragnar’s lead to Bill.

“Could you hold him please.”

“Yeah of course.” Ragnar was more than happy to walk with Bill.

It didn’t take long to get our bags which Alife loaded onto a trolley. Customs was a breeze, neither Bill nor I had much stuff to bring home. Charlie wheeled me through the airport, Alfie was behind pushing both mine and Bill’s luggage. With Bill’s long legs he had no problem keeping up with Charlie’s quick pace, he had hold of Ragnar’s lead. I rummaged in my bag for my phone, at 10 o’clock I knew Katie would be at the apartment by now. I got my phone out of my bag and sent her a message. ‘Hey I’m bringing a friend to stay could you please get one of the spare rooms ready. Thanks, Exx’

I turned to Bill. “I just sent Katie a text, she’ll make a room up for you by the time we get there.”

Bill smiled down at me, “Thanks”

We got to the airport’s main doors where a large black chauffeur-driven car was waiting. We were thankfully undercover because in true British style, it was raining. Once Charlie had helped me into the car he checked on Alfie and the driver, both had managed to load our luggage with ease. Arthur and Charlie waved us off before heading back in with the now empty wheelchair. Bill let Ragnar in first before sliding in. Ragnar lay on the floor between the two of us. It wasn’t long before we were on the motorway heading home.

I turned to look at Bill, “So it traveling with me as terrible as you thought?”

He turned from the window and smirked, “Nah it was alright. A personal baggage handler, being rushed through customs. It makes up for having to wait till everyone’s out of first class. I think I could get used to it.”

“So what do you want to do today?”

“Could I grab a shower first, then whatever.”

“Yeah that’s cool,” I checked my watch, “It’s 11 now, it will be 12 when we get there. So maybe shower, lunch and Harrods then.”

Bill nodded and went back to looking out of the window. I checked my phone seeing I had two messages. One was from Katie tell me that Bill’s room is sorted and she had arranged lunch. The other was from my friend Leo, who ran one of my favourite bars in London. He wondered if I could perform tomorrow night as one of his girls had injured themselves at rehearsals.

“Hey, Bill.”

He hummed.

“I need to go out tomorrow night. Do you want to come with me. It’s a cocktail bar.”

He did not turn from the window. “Yeah. I’ll come, sounds good.”

I pressed my lips together so I didn’t laugh. Little did he know it would be more than ‘good’ and yes he would definitely be coming.

A.N. - Please excuse my crudeness all will be revealed in the next chapter. A cookie for whoever can guess what’s happening at the bar.

#bill skarsgard #bill skarsgård #bill skarsgard imagine #bill skarsgård imagine #bill skarsgard fanfic #bill skarsgård fanfic #pennywise #it #hemlock grove #roman godfrey #paradise

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shannaraisles · 7 years ago

Text

Set In Darkness

Chapter: 54 Author name: ShannaraIsles Rating: M Warnings: None Summary: She’s a Modern Girl in Thedas, but it isn’t what she wanted. There’s a scary dose of reality as soon as she arrives. It isn’t her story. People get hurt here; people die here, and there’s no option to reload if you make a bad decision. So what’s stopping her from plunging head first into the Void at the drop of a hat?

New Arrivals

Skyhold was evolving.

With the worst of the winter storms gone, the snow was easier to handle these days, and work had renewed as the sunshine began to battle through the icy temperatures. There were still plenty of accidental injuries to be dealing with, as well as a brief bout of something that might have been 'flu, but thanks to the resources Kaaras had already gathered out there in the world, the infirmary was a solid reality within a week of the storm's passing. There, at least, Rory, Evy and their staff had a warm, safe place to treat their patients, most of whom were only walking wounded. The worst of the accidents seemed to have slowed up for the time being, something they were all deeply grateful for.

First Day came and went; where some might have expected an extravagant celebration, Josephine had insisted on making the day as family-feeling as possible. The hall had been bedecked in evergreens, lit with magical light that softened the atmosphere sweetly as the Inquisition gathered within its walls to share a hearty meal among friends and family, allowed to take their time over their food, to enjoy the opportunity of being social with little pressure to return to duty for this one day.

Of course, another feast was looming in their near future, bringing with it fits of nerves and the occasional storming temper. Cullen had sent Rylen to collect the outlying cells of mages hidden in southern Ferelden, just to keep the man busy and out of his hair. The Starkhaven captain did love Evy, and he did want to marry her, but he was also deeply afraid that her family would take one look at him and run away with his little lady in the dead of night. He'd shared this view so often that Cullen had eventually decided to give him something more productive to do, a long way from Skyhold. Evy had sulked for a couple of days, but even she had to admit that it was a good thing for everyone to be free from the swirling nerves that radiated from both bride and groom.

Thus, when a yell from the courtyard announced the arrival of some special guests, no one had to deal with Captain Rylen having a heart attack at the sight of his wife-to-be racing down the swept stone steps to throw herself into the arms of her mother and father. The Trevelyans had arrived. Now all they needed was the groom himself, and the Inquisitor - who was in Emprise du Lion, doing wonderfully vicious things to red templars - and the wedding could get underway.

That, however, was a few days away, giving Evy plenty of time to spend with her parents in the meantime. It became a familiar sight to see the young woman with one or both of her parents, jabbering excitedly at them as she showed them around Skyhold and Skysend, and one that made most people smile. For all their noble blood, Bann Galen Trevelyan and Lady Edith were gracious - far more so than their Orlesian peers, it had to be said - genuinely interested in the day-to-day running of the fortress, and in their youngest daughter's new-found career as a healer. It didn't surprise Rory in the least when Evy reported for her shift three days after her parents' arrival with her mother in tow.

"I won't trouble you," Lady Edith assured her in a warm tone. "I may even be able to help - I have a little experience with nursing."

"Mama makes a potion that puts you back on your feet, no matter how ill you are," Evy gushed enthusiastically from her desk.

Lady Edith's smile was a little rueful as she met Rory's eyes, lowering her voice. "It was just winterberry juice with a little elfroot," she murmured to the senior healer in amusement. "Childhood stomach troubles are a world away from what you've taught my daughter to deal with."

Rory bit her lip to keep from smiling too widely. "I don't know if I've taught her much," she admitted with a shrug. "She's very intuitive. Most of the bandaging and poultices seem to come naturally to her. She's a born healer, my lady."

Edith seemed to swell with pride on hearing this, and it wasn't false praise. Evy really was that good. "I must confess, I never truly believed she would be suited for a life in the Chantry," the older woman said, a faintly guilty set to her expression. "Devout in her beliefs, of course, but she thrives on a certain amount of independence. Here, she has that."

"Well, she's certainly thriving," Rory agreed, nodding in agreement as she smiled. "Rylen's good for her. Her confidence has grown so much since they found each other."

"And he's a good man, this Starkhaven captain?" Edith asked, the barest hint of concern in her eyes. "I have heard he was a templar once. I did not know a man could leave the templars so young."

"With all the turmoil, my lady, I wouldn't be surprised if a great deal of men and women in our society were once templars," Rory told her gently. "Some will fall, undoubtedly, without the support from the Chantry. Those who have found a home in the Inquisition are well looked-after. Many are still dependent on lyrium, but we keep them supplied, and those who choose to stop taking it are also cared for."

"Rylen has ... not chosen to stop?" Edith asked. Rory got the impression she wasn't so much fishing for information as needing to be aware of as much as possible before she met the man who would be joining their family.

"No, he hasn't," Rory told her quietly. "But if he should, at some point in the future, Evy is aware of how the process of withdrawal goes. It's something that will take years, but the worst is the first year."

Edith tilted her head, eyeing the redhead curiously. "You speak as though you have some personal experience of this, mistress," she pointed out. "Yet you do not seem a warrior."

Rory chuckled, shaking her head. "I have never been a warrior," she admitted quite happily. "I never will be. But my husband was once a templar."

"Ah, yes, you were recently married yourself, weren't you?" Edith's expression cleared, curiosity replacing her concern. "You have my sincere congratulations. Knight-Captain Rutherford has always had the better of the reputations in the Free Marches, especially so after the fall of the Chantry in Kirkwall."

"His title is Commander, now," Rory corrected her in a gentle tone. "But thank you. Life goes on, even in the middle of war. A few weddings here and there will do more for morale than any number of inspiring speeches."

"The right speech at the right time can spur a man to do anything," Edith pointed out, but she was nodding in agreement. "Though what you say is true. A wedded man has more to fight for, perhaps, than one alone."

"Perhaps. I really couldn't say - I don't exactly see people at their best in here." Rory laughed softly at her own comment, glancing up as Evy came bustling from the back of the infirmary. "Everything under control?"

Evy flushed, smiling at having been asked such a thing in front of her mother. "Wilfrid's delirious again," she said, ever so slightly embarrassed. "I, um ... do you think it would be better to ask Luis to work with him until his fever breaks?"

Rory bit her lips to keep from snickering. Wilfrid was the loveliest old man you could ever wish to meet most of the time, but when he was feverish and delirious, he seemed to sprout eight arms and twelve hands, all of them aimed at breasts and buttocks. "That is probably a very good idea," she conceded, her smile audible even if it wasn't visible. "When Gustav comes back from the apothecaries' workshop, we can ask him to take over care for the time being."

Relief flickered over Evy's expression. She liked the work, but sometimes it was just a little too flustering for her peace of mind. "I can do that," she volunteered. "Master Tethras left a note for you this morning - I forgot to mention it. It's on your desk."

"Oh ... thank you!"

This time, Rory did laugh. She was terrible at remembering to look at her desk when she arrived in the infirmary, invariably missing some important note or other left for her. It was becoming common knowledge that if you wanted the senior healer to know about your issue, you had to catch her on her way past. Even the quickest conversation lodged somewhere in her mind; leaving a hopeful note somewhere she might see it could result in her not getting to your presentation for days.

"Lady Trevelyan, do excuse me," she apologized to Evy's mother. "I have a few things that need to be seen to. Evy is more than capable of taking you in hand if you ask her to."

Edith's smile was just a shade shy of mischievous as Evy stared at Rory in horror at the suggestion that she should tell her mother what to do. "I'm sure she is, Mistress Rutherford. Please, do not let me keep you from your work."

"Thank you."

Smiling, Rory winked at her young friend as she passed her by, side-stepping Andra to reach her own desk. Sure enough, there was a small collection of notes left there in various hands, from people who hadn't been able to guarantee catching her at some point today. She sat herself down, sorting through them.

Stitches was curious as to whether he could get hold of a stethoscope like hers; that was easily done. Dagna was toying with the idea of improving the design, but for now, they could get any of the workers who was good with wood to knock out a stethoscope in an afternoon. Apparently the orphanage was finally complete down in Skysend, and there was an invitation for her to go down see the little ones she'd helped to guide safely out of Haven at her earliest convenience. Roderick had left a request for an updated supply list; she grimaced to herself, but added her own note to that slip of parchment and impaled it on her spike for later. By the time she reached Varric's note, Evy had her mother watching closely as she changed the dressing on a visiting soldier's arm. No one noticed the surprised look of interest that crossed Rory's face as she read.

Cupcake, Three little birds in the tower right above you - one's a bit torn up. Drop by this evening if you can. Don't tell the Seeker. - Varric

Well, now, wasn't that interesting? How had Varric managed to smuggle Hawke and his companions into Skyhold without anyone noticing? She studied the little note again. One's a bit torn up. That could mean anything from a few cuts to a broken limb to internal injuries or bleeding out. She thought she could safely disregard the latter two - Varric wouldn't just leave a note if his friends were in that much danger of worse injury or death. The timing wasn't great, though ... she was going to have to tell Cullen who was here, or he wouldn't let her go out after dinner. Mind you, he might attempt to come with her whether she told him who it was or not. His interactions with Hawke in Kirkwall probably hadn't left him with the most glowing of opinions when it came to the Champion.

Still, it wasn't such a big ask. She doubted Varric would be inviting her into close quarters with Hawke and friends unless he was sure she would be in no danger from them, and despite his sometimes impossible-to-read outward appearance, she had faith that the dwarf didn't mean her any harm. It wouldn't be difficult to pick up one of the emergency packs, now refilled and ready for anything, on her way past the infirmary this evening.

Another note caught her eye as she tucked Varric's message into her belt. It was a scrap of torn parchment, the words scrawled in messy charcoal. Healer, do you like griffons? -B. Rory frowned, lifting the little note up to consider it. Who was B? And why did they want to know if she liked ... Griffons. She sniffed the slip cautiously, grimacing at the faint scent of manure. Blackwall. So why did Blackwall want to know if she liked griffons? What was he up to?

A yell went up outside, multiple voices lost in the sudden deafening rumble of collapsing masonry. Rory didn't even glance at Evy as both women shot to their feet, snatching up the packs by the door to run out of the infirmary, leaving Lady Edith behind them. The billowing cloud of dust was emanating from the door that lead down into the prisons ... the carefully built passageway that encased the stairs had collapsed on top of a couple of workers.

"Is it secure?" Rory demanded of the mason who was checking the blocks overhead at the entrance to the passage.

He was silent for a moment, but finally nodded. "Safe as it can be," he told her.

"Right." She moved to duck in through the door, and a long arm pulled her back by the waist.

"Not a chance, little red," Iron Bull rumbled quietly as she protested. "Evy, you step back there, too."

"Bull, this is our job," Rory protested, trying and failing to free herself from the strong arm keeping her from going into the still dangerous situation.

"Stitches'll do the dangerous part," Bull informed her calmly. "One new wife, one bride ... neither one of you is going down there."

As he spoke, several of the Chargers were ducking down into the passageway to retrieve the trapped workers from the rubble. Stitches tipped the two other healers a grinning salute as he stepped smartly out of sight. Rory sighed heavily.

"Bull, if this has anything to do with me being pregnant, I am going to stab you," she informed the Ben-Hassrath agent calmly.

He laughed, patting her head gently. "Try not to hit anything important when you do."

Which was as good as telling her that it was because she was pregnant. She ground her teeth together, glowering at the open doorway. All right, yes, she was pregnant, but that didn't mean that she was suddenly more precious than anyone else here. Except ... it did. While there were women who were expecting babes down in the city, she was the only one here in the fortress who was; the only one known to the inner circle, to the advisors, to the Inquisitor himself. This is going to get really annoying.

"You know what," she muttered to Evy as they waited side by side for the Chargers to bring the injured out, "the sooner you get pregnant, the better."

The Marcher woman glanced at her, and burst into giggles, nudging her shoulder fondly. "At least I'm doing things in the right order," she teased, and despite herself, Rory felt a laughing grin cover her face.

"It's not like it was planned," she protested, rolling her eyes as she shook her head. "Besides, I'm married now. If anyone asks, this kid is premature."

"Oh, yes, of course," Evy agreed with sage mischief.

Tucking her hair back behind her ear, Rory glanced away with a smile. Her gaze caught on Lady Edith, standing in the doorway of the infirmary, staring at her with what seemed like a shocked expression on her face. The older woman's eyes flickered between Rory and Evy, as though studying them, comparing them. Bemused, Rory glanced at her friend, wondering what Edith was seeing to compare there. She only saw the shared smile, her own widening at the realization that Evy was still grinning at her.

"What?" she protested.

"Oh, nothing." Evy shrugged teasingly. "Just imagining what kind of mother you'll be."

"A terrifying one," Bull offered from behind them. He grunted obligingly as Rory elbowed him, despite the fact that they both knew she hadn't made any impact at all. "A terrified one?"

"That's more accurate," Rory agreed with a chuckle.

A call from the passageway wiped the smile from her face as Grim and Dalish appeared, supporting one of the workers who had been trapped. His leg was bleeding, a rough tourniquet tied about his thigh as he limped along between the pair.

"All right, bring him to the infirmary," Evy told them, shouldering her pack. "I'll see to him, you wait for the other one," she added to Rory.

Proud of her friend for taking charge of the situation, the redhead nodded with a reassuring smile. "Will do," she agreed. "Don't forget the cobwebs once you get the bleeding under control."

"Oh, I won't forget them this time," Evy promised, moving to follow the two mercenaries as they helped the man toward the infirmary, where her own mother was waiting. Edith was about to get an insight into just how far her baby girl's confidence had come in the last six months.

It was almost a shame Rory was going to miss that, in a way, but she had work of her own to do. Within minutes, Stitches came out of the passageway, the second of the trapped workers on a makeshift stretcher, the other end carried by Krem. Rory took one look, and winced - there was very little she could do for a crushed pelvis without a very specific type of help.

"Someone run and fetch one of the mage healers, please," she asked, gesturing for the Chargers to bring the young man into the infirmary.

It was a strange process, healing with a mage, but it was certainly an educational experience. All the mage really seemed to do was focus healing energies into an injury - it was up to the conventional healer to give pain relief, pull bones straight, and hope that the internal injuries were not too severe. The focus on conventional scientific medicine in the games now made much more sense to Rory, especially since she was living it. The rather elderly mage who came when summoned had worked with her since they'd left Haven, and between them, they somehow managed to straight and rebuild the man's pelvis, forcing him through the white-hot agony of having almost paralyzed limbs moved, and joints tested, finally able to say that he would recover. He would walk again.

It was when Rory was tidying up her desk, preparing to go to dinner, that it happened.

"Aurelia?"

"Hmm?" She looked up without thinking. It was only seeing the astonished, triumphant look on Edith's face that brought home to her that she had answered to a name she hadn't heard in over a decade. How the hell does she know my real name?

Edith's smile was warm. "I thought it might be you," she said gently. "You've been missed."

"I doubt it," Rory heard herself say. What the hell is going on here? her inner fangirl was shrieking. This isn't familiar! Who said this Thedas could fill in my backstory and not tell me about it? Who does she think I am?

Lady Trevelyan's expression grew a little sad as she considered the redhead before her. "May I at least tell your mother that you are well and safe?" she asked in a wounded tone.

Rory's expression grew hunted. I have a mother here. A living mother. Who apparently knows Edith Trevelyan. Hell, Edith Trevelyan knew me somehow. This is ... awful. "As long as you don't ... tell her who I am or where to find me," she conceded warily. "There's a reason I'm not a part of her life."

Edith frowned reluctantly, but she nodded. "I understand," she said softly. "But please ... know that your aunt remembers you, and knows you for who you are. And is deeply grateful for your guidance of your youngest cousin."

She stepped away, ducking out through the door of the infirmary, leaving Rory to stare into the middle distance in a confusion of horror and shock. Did she just hear that right? If Edith Trevelyan was her aunt, then ... Holy crap. Evy's my cousin. I have family here, real family, family that I didn't write. This world has made a place for me, and it's ... Her thoughts stuttered to a halt as she realized what else it meant. Oh, my giddy aunt ... I'm a noble. How the hell did that happen?

#set in darkness #multi-chapter fic #MGiT #modern girl in thedas #cullen rutherford/original female character #cullen rutherford/rory allen #rory allen #evy trevelyan #lady edith trevelyan #iron bull #bull's chargers #skyhold #notes #the wedding is looming #the unwritten part of her backstory is starting to make itself known

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dinafbrownil · 5 years ago

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A View From The Frontlines Of California’s COVID-19 Battle

On Tuesday, Dr. Jeanne Noble devoted time between patient visits to hanging clear 2-gallon plastic bags at each of her colleagues’ workstations. Noble is a professor of emergency medicine and director of the UC-San Francisco medical center response to the novel coronavirus that has permeated California and reached into every U.S. state.

The bags were there to hold personal protective equipment ¬— the masks, face shields, gowns and other items that health care providers rely on every day to protect themselves from the viruses shed by patients, largely through coughs and sneezes. In normal times, safety protocols would require these items be disposed of after one use. But just weeks into the COVID-19 pandemic, supplies of protective gear at UCSF are already so low that doctors and nurses are wiping down and reusing almost everything except gloves.

“It is not a foolproof strategy at all; we all realize the risk we are taking,” Noble said. But as supplies dwindle, she increasingly finds herself asking the folks in charge of infection control at the hospital if they can make changes to protocols. “As days go by, one regulation after the other goes out,” she said.

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Noble is among the Bay Area physicians applauding the decision this week by seven Bay Area counties and multiple others across California to order residents to shelter in place for the foreseeable future, directives that are upending life for millions of people and shuttering schools and businesses across the state. Without swift and dramatic changes to curb transmission of the virus, hospital officials say, it is just a matter of time before their health systems are overwhelmed.

Interviews with California physicians on the front lines of COVID-19 offer a sobering portrait of a health care system preparing for the worst of a pandemic that could be months from peaking. In the Bay Area, the battle is being waged hospital by hospital, with wide variations in resources.

The tent where Noble tended to patients this week was set up to deal with a recent rise in people showing up with respiratory illness. Even without the coronavirus threat, UCSF’s emergency room is a busy one, and doctors frequently see patients in hallways and other spaces. But the current outbreak makes that close contact unsafe. So instead, everyone who comes to the hospital is being triaged. Most people with fever, cough or shortness of breath are diverted to the tent, which is heated and has negative air pressure to prevent the spread of infection. For now, the pace is manageable, but Noble fears what’s ahead.

Further south in Palo Alto, Stanford Medical Center was testing patients with respiratory problems in its parking garage. The private university hospital has more protective gear than the public one in San Francisco; a global scavenger hunt several weeks ago bolstered supplies, though Stanford, too, has adapted protocols to be more sparing with some items.

“We don’t have an unlimited supply,” said Dr. Andra Blomkalns, professor and chair of the Stanford School of Medicine’s Department of Emergency Medicine. “But at least we’re not looking at our last box.”

The entire country is short on protective gear, a result of both the surging demand for such equipment as the virus spreads and the implosion of supply chains from China, where much of the equipment is manufactured.

Noble believes some equipment will need to be made locally. “If the [federal] government doesn’t step in and force manufacturing of these products here now, we are going to run out,” she said.

Empty supply closets affect everyone who needs care, including heart attack victims and people in need of emergency surgery, said Dr. Vivian Reyes, president of the California chapter of the American College of Emergency Physicians and a practicing emergency physician in the Bay Area.

“I know it’s really hard for us Americans because we’re never told no,” she said of the shortfall of supplies. “But we’re not in normal times right now.”

And protective equipment isn’t the only thing in short supply.

Until a few days ago, UCSF had to rely on the San Francisco Department of Public Health for coronavirus testing, and a shortage of test kits meant clinicians could test only the most critically ill. The situation improved March 9, when the university started running tests created in its own lab. First, there were 40 tests a day. By Tuesday, there were 60 to 80. But a new shortage looms: The hospital has just 500 testing swabs left.

Stanford pathologist Benjamin Pinsky built an in-house test that has been approved for use by the federal Food and Drug Administration. Since March 3, Stanford has used it to test more than 500 patients, 12% of whom had tested positive as of Tuesday. The university has been running tests for other hospitals as well, including UCSF. It’s a dramatic improvement from a few weeks ago, when Stanford relied on its county lab.

Blomkalns saw a sick patient in mid-February, before the hospital had its own test kits, who had symptoms of COVID-19 but didn’t qualify for testing under the narrow federal guidelines in place at the time. He went home, only to return to the hospital after his condition deteriorated. This time, he was tested and it came back positive.

In Santa Clara County, home to Stanford, 175 people have tested positive for COVID-19 and six have died. Late last week, the medical center’s emergency department saw the highest number of patients in one day in its history. Blomkalns doubts it’s because there are more cases in her area. “If you don’t test, you don’t have any cases,” she said.

Blomkalns worries about staffing shortages as health care workers are inevitably exposed to the virus. As of Tuesday, one doctor in the Stanford ER had tested positive. At UCSF, six health care providers had.

Not all Bay Area hospitals are seeing a flood of patients. In fact, some have fewer patients than usual, as they have canceled elective surgeries in anticipation of a COVID-19 surge.

The doctors treating COVID-19 patients say nearly all who test positive have a cough. They complain of fatigue, body aches, headaches, runny noses and sore throats. While most people are well enough to recover at home, those who get critically ill tend to do so in their second week of symptoms, and can deteriorate very quickly, several doctors noted. “We are recommending that patients get intubated a little earlier than they might otherwise,” said Reyes.

In general, officials are asking people who have mild cases of COVID-19 to treat their symptoms at home, as they would a cold or flu, and refrain from seeking care at hospitals. People experiencing shortness of breath, however, should definitely go to the emergency room, said Blomkalns.

For children, the criteria may be a bit different. Shortness of breath should trigger a visit, as should altered mental state, excessive irritability, or an inability to eat or drink, said Dr. Nicolaus Glomb, a pediatric emergency care physician at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital.

Gov. Gavin Newsom said Tuesday that rough projections suggest the state could need anywhere from 4,000 to 20,000 additional beds to treat patients with serious cases of COVID-19.

The testing problems worry Noble, as do the equipment shortages, but not nearly as much as the potential for a lot of sick people. “I’m mostly worried about a tsunami of very ill patients that we’re not equipped to take care of,” said Noble.

Blomkalns isn’t sure whether or when Stanford might exceed capacity, saying the caseload trajectory may hinge on how aggressively state and national authorities move to cut off routes of community transmission. “It all depends on what happens in the coming weeks and days,” she said. “We know what we need to do, and we’re doing the job.”

KHN Senior Correspondents JoNel Aleccia and Jenny Gold contributed to this report.

This KHN story first published on California Healthline, a service of the California Health Care Foundation.

from Updates By Dina https://khn.org/news/a-view-from-the-frontlines-of-californias-covid-19-battle/

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