#ill probably hate this in a week
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some quick messy sketches from tonight to mark the first page of my new sketchbook ^_^ (totally didn't spend almost two hours trying to get ezra miller's face right)
how do u guys take aesthetic sketchbook photos
also ignore the blank space, it was totally a stylistic choice and i totally don't have to go to sleep rn (idk what to fill it with help me)
#traditional art#traditional drawing#traditional sketch#sketch#doodle#drawing#art#ezra miller#we need to talk about kevin#kevin khatchadourian#bladee#drain gang#mysterious skin#neil mccormick#joseph gordon levitt#WHY THE FUCK DO PHONE CAMERAS MAKE DIGITAL DRAWINGS LOOK SO DULL#ignore the hair i got lazy#ignore everything actually#ill probably hate this in a week#fun time#Spotify#messy drawing#messy art#i love messy art#i don't like ezra miller btw#i just think that they're pretty#the movie is also interesting
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redraw of this - i like working with traditional art so much more than digital
(for the record, i beat potato lord to it ;)
edit: thank you to @dysaniadisorder for the image ID!
#you guys are probably sick and tired of me and my redraws lmao#i cant help it if i hate my drawings#this one's... acceptable i suppose#anyways expect less posts in the next two weeks bc ill be locking in for algebra finals 💪💪💪#(im so cooked)#jarthur#private eyes#izel scribbles#artists on tumblr#malevolent#art#sketchbook#malevolent podcast#john doe malevolent#arthur lester#privateeyes#traditional art#sketchbook art#alcohol markers#prismacolor#ixed media#drawing#klimt#inspired by klimt#gustav klimt#the kiss#my best work
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teetering on the edge of "is this even sky anymore",
a ghostly train conductor and a runaway coven witch
#they have an interesting dynamic in my head#stoic serious fella who obeys the rules at all costs and tries to make sure others do the same#however the witch is a feral animal who hates being told what to do#eventually they learn things about eachother that makes both of them more lenient#but these two exist solely for my shipping purposes. im a filthy dog sorry i like my tropes#the witch was what i looked like in sky for a week but its different now#ill probably switch back to it i like the look alot :3#anyway eeeehehe.sorry for rambling#i just love them alot <3333#sky children of the light#sky cotl#sky: cotl#skycotl#sky:cotl#sky: children of the light#sky#original character
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Ed gets amnesia (Izzy-centric, pre s1 banishment, past edizzy to some degree)
It starts something like this: a rope left out after a raid, a captain showing off to the crew, a workload stretched too thin to have noticed the accident waiting to happen...
When Ed wakes, it's almost immediately clear something is wrong. He's lost a few years of memories- not much in the grand scheme of things, but it's enough that the man who lays in front of them is almost unrecognisable to the man they knew. He's from just at the point where he was starting to get frustrated with the 'ease' of being Blackbeard, tiring of his old life, but still so full of life and love in ways the present Ed forgot how to be.
He's a lot more on guard, for a start, waking up surrounded by strangers, even if they are treating him very nicely. He doesn't trust them, he doesn't even fake trusting them, just shuts them out completely.
Stede and Roach figure out what's going on pretty quickly and try to explain it to Ed after that, about what's happened and all the things he missed, but he doesn't believe them for a second- how could he? If he got hurt, Izzy would be there waiting for him to wake up. He always has been, always is, his predictable and reliable Izzy. He says as much to Roach and Stede, the only thing he will say, and they just... side-eye each other. They can't believe it- Izzy?
Anyway, Ed completely shuts down after that, so someone runs to get Izzy. Izzy, who had decided, after everything- especially the past few weeks on the revenge- that there's no way Ed would want him there. He's still lurking on deck because he can't stand not knowing how Ed is, but he knows that's not his place any more. So to say he's surprised when Stede comes and begrudgingly grabs him is an understatement- Stede doesn't tell him anything, obviously, just that Ed’s asking for him.
The way Ed’s face lights up as he walks into the room is a punch to the gut. There's a cheerful greeting, the kind he hasn't received in years, and Ed’s yapping on about what he's been told and what happened and "this ship, Iz!" and he's just... floored. He can't say anything in response, not even to confirm their story because this is Ed, this is his Ed, who's face is turning worried, joking about how it looks like Izzy’s the one with a head injury, and Izzy can't cope. He just... storms out of the room.
Izzy’s up on deck, and he's not even yelling, or working, or really doing anything, just aimlessly coiling ropes in a daze when Ed appears on deck after him. He's thrown his leather jacket over whatever of Stede’s clothes he was wearing, a return to his Blackbeard armour to be seen by crew, and he jogs up to Izzy and starts getting handsy with him, physically turning him to looking him in the eyes and check he's ok, just generally being casual in a way that nobodies ever seen them- a way that nobody expected Izzy to tolerate (but of course he does, its Ed).
Izzy'll stutter out a response and Ed will wrap his arm over his shoulder, casually, like that's a thing they do. He'll ask for a tour, for him to explain everything, like what's the deal with this Stede guy. He's still enamoured with The Revenge and all its bells and whistles, only now he wants it with Izzy. It's all 'Iz' and 'mate' and affectionate and a side of their relationship even the Queen Anne crew haven't seen in years, a complete shock to absolutely everyone except this Ed.
Ed shows Izzy the model of The Revenge again and Izzy is both heartbroken and so indulgent because that's the Ed he had once, and he's going to take every second while he can. Ed can show him every single trinket on the entire ship if he wants. Izzy's always been willing to indulge Ed to some degree (it's Izzy, after all) but there's usually external factors, like they're in the middle of a raid, storming a hostile ship, or being chased down by the Spanish without any plan and over the years Izzy’s taken to just trying to redirect Ed quickly rather than letting him get distracted with the next shiny thing. It's been a sticking point between them, Ed's distractions and Izzy's rigidity and inability to have fun even when the occasions fitting.
But, for all Izzy's gripes with The Revenge, he does know it's safe for them- or at least that he could take on any member of this useless crew who tried to take advantage of his captain's momentary incapacity. So he does, for once, feels safe to indulge Ed. And God, he wants to. He has wanted to. He wants to watch him forever, like he did when they were little more than kids. He wants to forget all the mistakes he made just to see Ed smile and light up at him one more fucking time. He's not going to throw away this opportunity, no matter how badly it hurts him in the end.
Ed's memories don't come back in a day or so, so the crew keeps getting these shows of their relationship in a way they've never seen before- all these casual touches, and the way he'll turn to Izzy before anyone else, even Izzy laughing a couple of times. The crew gets to see a completely different Izzy- one more like the man he'd have been on The Queen Anne, a man they can see means something to Ed. He's not just his rotten first mate, a necessary evil of Blackbeard, at some point it becomes very clear that Ed did like Izzy, that he chose to have him around. It's like being back when Ed and Izzy were on the same page, at the height of Blackbeard, their partnership, when things were GOOD.
And of course, Izzy’s going along with all this. He's not telling him anything about the way they're different now, about how they finished breaking their matelotage 6 months back, about how they've been living at arms length for years, about how this simply isn't who they are to each other any more. He couldn't possibly do that, not when he gets to live the best days of his life all over again, just for a few short days. Maybe he'll get a week or two, if he's really lucky.
It's hurting him, obviously, it feels like his heart is being ripped out every time Ed touches him, every time he corners him in the depths of the ship (still so untrusting of this unknown crew- not helped by how they treat Izzy. He sees the side eyes and cruel comments and notices in a way the present version of him never did, too wrapped up in Stede and the madness of this ship) but hey. Izzy’s a masochist. He'll take anything Ed gives him, and he'll especially take this opportunity to have one last taste of what he's lost.
At the time it faded so slowly he didn't realise he was losing it until it was all gone, but he won't make that mistake this time. He knows their time together is limited, and he's going to take every fucking second he can and hold it close forever. If Ed makes him leave after he remembers? After he realises the way Izzy took advantage of him? It's worth it, to have this again, one last time.
#this is probably somewhere between too fleshed out and not fleshed out enough. yet somehow still not the right amount of substance#but i didnt want to waste another month making the additional thoughts ive had on this idea flow w the rest so this is what you get#perhaps ill come back and add my (mostly eds perspective on all of this) thoughts in at some point. who knows#if you want a vibe as to where that goes ; huge inspirations in this concept draw upon the lyrics#'But I hate when I feel like this / And I never hated you' :'''''')#(lyrics from poke by frightened rabbit which is your edizzy song recc of the week)#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#edward teach#blackbeard#blackhands#edizzy#post dedicated to my dearest sage for bouncing this concept with me !!! i love u SO much
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And everybody said
Save a horse, ride a cowboy!
Cowboy Tamlin Design!!! I don’t want to talk about how long this took me (and how im still meh about the results but im determined to post this) close ups down below with my notes
Full body | Napping with Eilionoir Muir (his horse) (note: I hate drawing hats) | Tamlin awoken by the ranch dogs barking (Note: woke up cause the dogs were barking something fierce) (note: not as built as my acotar design)
Belt Buckle and Fiddle design (Note: fiddle he definitely didn’t get from the devil) | Bound journal (Note: He writes in a mix of languages to keep it extra secure. English, Gaelic, Spanish, indigenous languages) | His boots
#acotar#pro tamlin#tamlin#a court of thorns and roses#My art#acotar fanart#tamlin art#I love it but also kinda hate it but im never gonna get better if i refuse to post my progress SIGH#Cowboy tamlin is very close to my heart as a Texan and now arizona resident#arsons art#I half assed the historical accuracy of the fit im here for vibes and good looks#Hes not at built as his acotar design cause hes not fae#Hes still strong as hell. He almost doesn’t look like it but he is#fringey chaps for literal vibes hes just a pretty princess#bye im going to sleep hopefully this doesn’t flop horrifically. ill just be happy if one person comments smth nice RAH#Two weeks of effort was probably not worth it but i also had fun making a little story for the au#ok. bye fr#tamlin fanart#tamlin au#also i just noticed the sun illuminating his crotch on the woken up one thats actually hilarious#if i wake up and see i forgot something im gonna be so mad
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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Spent the whole day packing with the help of my best friend, i am so exhausted and we got half my room in boxes but im really proud (and excited and sad and scared) its so surreal that this really happening!!
#like ive been procrastinating packing for so long now because fear and executive dysfunction combined is the worst#so i asked amber to help me (because theyre the best and sweetest and dont judge me for my mess and all that)#also i probably really needed the deadline tbh#im so exhausted and *hit me baby voice* my lower back is killing mee#had to stop for now because i just am at my limit enrrgy-wise#now im gonna take a shower and then nap#oh man my friend is so kind and powerful and i never couldve done it without them!!!!#(well see how ill manage the rest over the next week 🙈)#but god this was so hard and embarrassing and i kept repeating 'i hate my stupid baka life' and that helped a bit tbh#my room looks so weird now with the empty walls and shit#i hate it#change sucks and im afraid#anyway enough whining ill go have that shower now#mine
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😦
#walks out of the swedish class with a thousand yard stare#ill be honest kitten daddys about to kill himself#and it IS this swedish course's fault#its mandatory for all studies... and it makes me wanna die so bad i hateeee it i dont understand anythingggggg#the teacher says all the instructions in swedish and half the time i dont even understand what im missing so i cant ask her to clarify#not that id like to anyway since everybody else seems to be getting by just fine#this is torture id rather pull off my fingernails than go back and its. until christmas. so the sufferings not really even begun yet#and the worst part is ill probably fail anyway so itll all be for nothing#but at the same time ive already suffered for a few weeks so i dont wanna just drop it and do it later yk??#life is agony i take back everything i said about being a career student i HATE academy i HATE learning i HATE studying#my post#nothing makes me despair like swedish class#actual misery like i never feel elsewhere
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Day 31/October 31: Halloween || Death || Costumes
never forget the skeleton had hair
#ITS ONLY LATE IF YOU ACKNOWLEDGE ITS LATE#of COOURSE halloween week had to be my busiest week#if it isn’t clear they dragged his skeleton back up and used it as halloween decor#ignore the shading and lighting and skeleton anatomy and pumpkin and path i actually have no idea how to do it#i was bullshitting my way through it all i slapped shorts on him cause i didn’t want to figure that out#i dont love it but i dont overly hate it so call that a win win#TUMBLR DELETED ALL MY TAGS WHAT THE FUCK#i dont remember any more of them#anyways end of morrotober guys it was fun thank you morrotober for hosting#even though there were like 4 or so of us consistently participating#what do i do now#ive fully committed to being back so ill do more probably#but i can only do shitposts unless otherwise given clear instructions#morrotober was good for me tbh i was forced to do more art this month than i ever did in my entire life and i think im improving#im experimenting at least thats good#i think im developing a style i like using bright as fuck contrasting lighting#and a MORRO DESIGN finally after all these months#ninjago#lego ninjago#morro ninjago#ninjago morro#morro wu#morrotober 2023#morrotober2023#morrotober#jellos scribbles
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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with the leaks to the 2nd to last chapter out can I just ask that we hold off on criticism of whoever until the last chapter is officially out? I know it's asking a lot
#its one more week y'all#AND#this isnt even the official translation#its not even the fan translation?#its 2 leakers giving a brief and very biased summary of whats happening in some badly scanned pictures#i just feel like everyone is seeing the 2nd to last chapter play out#and dooming themselves to be disappointed no matter what happens in the finale#its not the end yet??#theres one more week??#after that its totally fair if you want to hate the way things were handled or criticize whoever#not all of the plot points are going to be addressed unfortunately and some people are going to be disappointed regardless#i might be disappointed i dont know yet#but im holding my opinion until august 4 when the official last chapter is released#being disappointed in a chapter is fair!#but feeling as tho this chapter was the end and theres nothing that can be added to the final chapter to make it better is a little extreme#idk#i need to get off twitter bc its all doom and gloom there#bnha#bnha leaks#mha#bnha 429#mha 429#ill probably delete this later#in other news#that full color page with aizawa smiling is so so good like chicken soup for the soul#those are HIS kids#and hes proud of them#hopefully he can take a break soon and get some real sleep#okay im done
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It's not fit to go cry over not being a real boy it's fi4 to go cry about possibly having COVID and having to cancel a week's worth of plans because you're a decent person and understand that just because covids been around for a while doesn't mean it's any better and you watched your mum get hospitalized for almost a week because of it <3
#vent#i fucking hate covid#nah i actually dont care you're uneducated if you think covid 'isnt that bad' and '#and 'like a cold'#oh can a cold make completely unrelated chronic illnesses worse and almost always end up with me having such a bad chest i can barely breath#and end up coighing up gunk every fucking morning for weeks and always end up short of breath for months.#i didnt think so ^^#but yeah fucking great over a weeks worth or happiness fucking ruined#yay now i probably cant see my gf or go to this comic shop or have one of my best friends over to show them this show i like#what the fuck im going to cry again istg
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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thinking about fallout 4 against my will
#random thoughts#fallout#unfortunately nora compels me#the fact the 'hi honey!' tape specifically mentions her 'shaking the dust off' her law degree is interesting#like she gave up her job to stay at home with her husband and kid. why?#like that's a whole year. at LEAST.#love the idea of nate pressuring her into it <3 maternity leave turns into 'isnt it so nice being with sean around the clock?'#'too bad you won't have this quality time when you return to work'#turns into 'you can always return to work if you feel like it but we DO have a lot saved up . . .'#and it's like. okay so fallout 4 would be so much better if it were set in the 1960s. literally no reason it shouldnt be#yknow beyond complying with lore which. it isnt that faithful to in the first place#i just think it's weird the game is like 'here's the FUTURE' and then it's like 'here's the FUTURE FUTURE'#anyway make it the 1960s. give me time-appropriate fucked up family dynamics#and nora's a laywer and a feminist who promised herself she'd never compromise her career for a man#and nate seemed so NICE and like he understood until uh oh. frog in a slow cooker#and he makes everything seem like it's her idea until she's barefoot in the kitchen with a screaming baby on her hip and burnt food in a pan#and she doesn't even realize she's trapped until it's too late. isolated from friends and family#idk ill do more research later to make it more time-accurate (ESPECIALLY interested in second-wave feminism)#anyway i think she cheats. with a door-to-door salesman selling places in the bomb shelters#(honestly probably the only adult social interaction she's had in weeks beyond her husband)#i like to think at some point she had a bit of a car accident due to the stress so nate took her keys#probably just a minor fender bender he blew out of proportion but she believes it because oh god what if she hurt sean#her feelings toward sean are complicated. i dont think she quite loves him which she feels guilty about so she overcompensates#with trying to keep him as safe as possible and she feels like he KNOWS and HATES her#(honestly when the bombs drop everything happens so quickly and when she's in the future and registers sean's gone she feels. so relieved)#(followed by heavy shame)#nate sabotaged her birth control btw. love evil 1960s patriarchs#never outright stated but heavily implied!#anyway nora in the future (while she felt very progressive for her time) feels very out of place#like her ideals have no place. like she has no place
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Heat wave During my period With chest pain
#took my pressure it was 119/86 thats okay why am i in PAIN#its been going high at night but even when its not bad it hurts so i guess its not related but UGH#my blood tests at the er last week were normal so its not my heart. probably. if youre forcing my neurotic brain to believe the er.#i dont know. sometimes things just hurt iguess. chronic illness so awesome#also the temperature projections are going back down but still im just easily stressed rn i hate heat.#i fucking hate summer i want to hibernate every summer i dont even care.#the kat goes meow
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i have a list of aa things i want to make long posts abt ohhh its over for me...............
#I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT ALL OF THEM BUT EHSBSN ILL PROBABLY NOT BE ABLE TO...#i want to write abt thalassa being the narrative haunter/presence/whatever and zak actually not being that much of a jerk and#KRISTOPH and THE GRAMARYE LEGACY WODJWIDJSK and#my beautiful dahlia iris interpretation where iris was the one who killed valerie and LAWYERS and MAGICIANS............#AND HATING ON PHOENIX#theres so much but words hv been especially hard recently like srsly weirdly hard like whattt#im actually starting to seriously consider that maybe. i have a reading disorder of sorts ಠ_ಠ ❓#but thats a problem for another day. for now i will continue taking several weeks to write 2k words 😁
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