#ill play elio for a while i think

[nieloxychen]

need a break from rakes late-game, this shit just made me cry twice in the span of 15 minutes. maybe shouldnt have done 2 companion quests back to back but well its TOO LATE NOW

[throwawayasoiafaccount]

Rhaegar did not love Lyanna, rather it was a seduction to have his prophecy, just as he did not love Elia, that is obvious, it is implied between the lines that he wanted a third child, what they justify to say that he loved her are trivial things.

The story of Bael the bard, for example, is used as an example, but it doesn't say that Bael loved the winter rose, it only says that she loved him.

This quote I saw says the opposite of Rhaegar loving Lyanna someone had a “rhaegar was a romantic hero” shirt. parris agreed then george said there was something romantic to rhaegar. whether a hero or not, depends on the perspective. “today's hero may be tomorrow' villain,” pointing out how time can change reputation.—— asshai interview source of the quote: elio garcia, a writer of twoiaf who was present at the barcelona interview

the opinions about rhaegar are provided by people who were in love with rhaegar joncon cercei or like barristan or jaime who feel guilty and also barristan says that nobody has really met rhaegar but they are based on ned's opinion when ned doesn't speak ill of the dead or badly of people i don't think lyanna told him anything about rhaegar what he did to her if he found her very serious

I think he manipulated her and locked her in his tower without medical help because he didn't do things right because he didn't come to an agreement with his family but he didn't make her his mistress and left her with three guards while he went to fight for his father who killed Brandon and his father and still condemned a child to be a bastard knowing the prejudices of Westeros so it's not a love story

it’s obvious that you have confirmation bias and do not care to engage in a meaningful discussion. it seems that you’d rather play into ridiculous headcanons that border on fanon, but i don’t mind humoring you :)

you claim that it is implied that rhaegar didn’t love lyanna and that he only seduced her for prophecy, and yet the reality is that this is only a headcanon with very little textual basis. the idea comes from one of daenerys HotU visions, which can be interpreted in numerous ways. the idea also sorta comes from a Jon Con chapter when he remembers that the maesters told rhaegar that elia would have no more children. that is all the textual basis that this headcanon has. that is it. there’s no mention of lyanna in any of these scenes. if george wanted to connect the idea that rhaegar only wanted lyanna for a prophecy, he’d find a way to bring it up in a much clearer way. honestly… treating these two scenes like the gospel is dumb as hell, and if i analyzed the text this way i could confirm any crackpot theory i wanted to.

on the other hand, rhaegar and lyanna being a love story has actually already played out in the show (though i hate the show). lyanna and rhaegar also have official artwork where they’re together, and if i need to read between the lines instead of taking POV characters thoughts about rhaegar and lyanna being a love story for foreshadowing, then all i need to do is go to danys chapter as she’s marrying hizdahr as she wishes (putting herself in lyanna’s shoes) that daario would carry her off like rhaegar did with lyanna. that is actual foreshadowing. your headcanon meets the bare minimum requirements of a headcanon, and borders on a fanon take

you also say that bael the bards love story with the winter rose isn’t supposed to be romantic, so i think you actually struggle to read between the lines. please remember that it is ygritte who tells jon snow that bael stole the winter rose. stole. in free folk culture, men stealing women is marriage, and it means the man wants the woman because he chose her. the idea is that a woman must fight back if she doesn’t want to be stolen, and i’d like to remind you that you are the one who said that the winter rose loved bael… so what does that tell you about lyanna’s opinion on rhaegar? also, ygritte actually parallels herself with the winter rose (with some sexual innuendo), which also connects her with lyanna, meaning jon’s playing both bael and rhaegar, and we know for certain that jon did love ygritte. another bael the bard type story that plays out is when jon sends mance to steal arya back. mance calls himself abel and we know that arya was actually jeyne, so i think it’s clear that mance and jeyne are acting as jon and aryas stand ins, which tells me that i should take jon and aryas feelings into account as they are the ones that are actually paralleling the bael (rhaegar) and the winter rose (lyanna). and we know for certain that jon adores arya and that arya wants to go to jon, so i think it’s very well supported that rhaegar and lyanna loved each other. can you tell that i’m reading between the lines? i think i’m doing a great job at it.

you claim that our sources on rhaegar are not reliable, or that bael the bards story isn’t a love story, all while providing a quote (though i do not know where you got it from, and frankly i do not trust you) where george supposedly says that there was something romantic to rhaegar… idk what to tell you at this point. also, the stuff george supposedly says about rhaegar being a hero or not or “todays hero may be tomorrows villain” is literally stated to be about rhaegar’s huge change in reputation. it’s not confirming anything about rhaegar and lyanna. truthfully, it’s only hinting that rhaegar was a romantic. tbh, it seems like geroge considers rhaegar a hero based on the way he worded his thoughts, but that’s just my interpretation of that supposed quote.

your last passage is complete fanon and totally inconsistent with your own logic. if rhaegar supposedly got with her for his prophecy to have a third child, then not having medical help is dumb af. what if the baby died? the reality is that all we know about the tower of joy comes from an unreliable dream ned has. the dream doesn’t depict what actually happened. tbh i don’t even want to cover anything else you’re saying because it’s just not supported by the text.

i don’t think you realize how hypocritical you are.

[plitaka]

Okay so because I’m gay and mentally ill I have decided to take it upon myself to go through Kafka’s demo frame by frame and overanalyze the shit out of anything I find interesting

It’s insanely packed with blink or you’ll miss it details so buckle up folks- this is gonna be a ride

Right off the bat she starts off with the same coin she also ends the demo with. This isn’t something that’s been part of her character so far nor do I think it has any real significance, so she just brought it to be extra and torment the poor souls she’s planning to slaughter anyway. Annoying dramatic bitch

Also just to get this out of the way now, this is indeed the Belobog museum, or at least its assets. The floor of some of the inner rooms, the staircases, the chandelier and the big golden clock thingy are the same, and in one of the shots you can clearly see the portraits of the former supreme guardians which is. Makes you wonder if they just picked the museum for grand dramatic interior or if she actually had reasons to have business there.

This. This fucking part is probably no longer than 5 seconds and yet, even with the video on 0.25 speed I had to constantly rewind and pause to catch everything and it still probably isn’t 100% accurate. Also I had to cut out a lot things because Tumblr only allows 30 images per post but like, you get the picture

“What do you see” over and over again as images of Rorschach tests flash across the screen so fast you barely have a chance *to* see. Personally I mainly see spider like things and butterflies. Among them are images are some flashes of the robo guards, which to me give the feeling of them getting caught in her web, losing themselves and their control to her mind games and technique.

Something else worth nothing is that this sequence is kickstarted by her throwing the coin and ends with it still in her hand, just thought that was an interesting choice

Before moving on to the next point, however, I want to point out the obvious irony of her telling the guards “don’t be afraid”. Truly words to hear from the woman who is incapable of feeling fear. And what is the name of the demo? Dramatic irony. We’ll get back to that.

Anyway, after that we see the camera pan away from her and over the guards as she uses spirit whisper. The camera movement is accompanied by a single rose petal that starts from Kafka and flies over the guards, which kinda feels like the visual representation of spirit whisper, a gentle rose petal innocently brushing across them as if carried by an invisible breeze

I wanted to make a joke about how her bounty is as large as her strap but seeing as I’m restricted in the number of images I can put I’ll just state the obvious and say she has the largest known bounty of the Stellaron hunters. I’m going to guess the only one higher than hers is Elio’s.

can’t be 100% sure this is what’s going on here, but the imagery makes it look like she’s taking a nice calming stroll and playing Vivaldi in her head while letting the guards slaughter each other, either by controlling them with her strings or with spirit whisper

Dozens of hands reaching out for her, trying to grab her as she’s cocooned in a vulnerable state, pupils visible. I’m sure we’ll eventually get an ingame explanation as to what’s actually going on with her eyes, but for now I do think this is a VERY interesting time to show them. She’s in a compromising position, she’s cornered and vulnerable, but she’s confident and cocky and always, always in control. To anyone else this would be horrifying, but she can’t feel fear, why should she care. Like genuinely this is terrifying imagery that in media is more often than not used to showcase or symbolize sexual violence of sorts and personally makes my skin crawl. I don’t want to get too much into it here I think it needs its own separate post, so for now I’ll keep it short and say that up until now, her pupils have only been shown in situations where she’s at a physical disadvantage (held prisoner at the divination commission, whatever this is etc)

Something a bit lighter to focus on is what she’s saying; “the silk is too fragile to be a treat… unless you’re more fragile than the silk.” Symbolism aside she always seems to refer to silk when talking about fragile things, which we know are, in her opinion, the most beautiful. I really don’t think she’s referring to herself here seeing as the next scene demonstrates she’s far from fragile, so I think she does mean it in a much more literal way and is talking about a spider web; too fragile to capture humans, strong enough to capture its intended prey, this being weaker bugs. All in all she’s probably insulting them by comparing them to bugs weaker than a fragile silk web.

Nothing much to say about the fight scene other than that it’s incredibly choreographed and confirms that Kafka is strong enough to roundhouse kick a guy in the head (god I wish that were me) and do backflips in midair while firing her guns. Also the elevator counting down the survivors as their forces dwindle is fucking rad.

“Destiny has thousands of faces, why does it choose to wear this one?” In the context of the scene this reads to me as her mockingly lamenting the guards’ fate as she beautifully takes them down one by one, but it’s also one hell of a peculiar sentence from someone working for a guy who supposedly sees destiny and directs his followers according to that. She’s a nihilist, everything is predetermined in her eyes, she’s one of destiny’s slaves, but destiny also has thousands of faces? Is she really so nihilistic that even her own worldviews are contrasting in her eyes? As I’m writing this it makes me think of dadaism more than anything else. To quote from wikipedia: “an early 20th-century international movement in art, literature, music, and film, repudiating and mocking artistic and social conventions and emphasizing the illogical and absurd.” Kafka herself in an artist in many ways; she’s an actress first and foremost, always dramatic and theatrical, following a script to a T. But she’s also a musician, everything about her steeped in classical music and references. Anyway, dada is an absurdist nihilistic movement, and you know which real life author known for his absurdism lived and wrote parallel to the Dada? Franz Kafka.

Genuinely Idk where I was going with this I just thought it was worth sharing, MOVING ON-

Neat way of visualizing what I’m assuming is supposed to be her spirit whisper. Also I’m extremely stingy with images (thanks Tumblr), but if you slow down the video around 1:17 you could see that the shot of her katana very quickly flashes into another spider, just wanted to mention that.

These are all narrative screenplay terms that flash by in like a millisecond each after the big ult (that, btw, has a similar shot saying ‘intermission’ right before she casts it but it flashes by so fast and with such bright colors that I couldn’t take a proper screenshot of it) and shown on the Belobog Museum’s projector. The most interesting one here imo is Oneiric Structure; “a cinematic story using dream like visuals, exploring the structure of dreams, memories, and human consciousness”, very fitting considering how much of her abilitieseing how dramatic irony is yet another narrative device.

All these movie terms and framings, however, feel to me more like a wink to Kafka’s roots than anything else. This is the third time she’s been tied to movies somehow (the web event, one of her leaked messages that actually mentions how she’d hate for her life to be turned into a movie), and this is one time too many for me to stop denying that the inspiration for her character was at least in part Makima from Chainsaw Man. I won’t elaborate too much not to spoil the 3 people unfamiliar with csm, but this whole thing feels like a homage, a love letter to Fujimoto’s own love letter for cinema.

Also she *is* an actress following a script, so there’s that as well.

The demo ends with her taunting the one remaining guard with the very same coin from the beginning, flipping it in her palm and asking the guard to guess the ending with heads or tails, prefacing it by saying “sooner or later, the curtain has to fall”. To me this indicates that she sees life as kind of a one gigantic play, with no fear and no value for human life everything is a performance to her, it doesn’t matter beyond what’s happening on the stage in the presence. But also the way this is all framed makes it very easy to assume she’s actually talking about the end of the guard’s life, and asking him how he thinks this encounter between them will end, lol.

Another thing about the coin that Meadows mentioned “her flipping the coin over and over is both like, play with fate, a distraction (like, think in movies, you see someone flipping a coin your eyes are drawn to it and not the sleight of hand happening elsewhere), and ofc her clear obsession with vintage shit”

This has been it from me for now, too dead to properly edit through this rn so I’ll probably go back and add some details once I’m feeling better. Would also love for anyone to chime in with their own conclusions since this is just one person’s interpretation. Especially if you have more knowledge than me about classical music and have ideas regarding the use of Vivaldi’s winter

[jiusyn]

kafhime!fate au where kafka is himeko's servant 🤓..

Kafka's assassin class bc it makes sense, in my head

but she's also the type of assassin that rivals even the strongest classes (i.e., saber, lancer, berserker) in the holy grail. she's just as dangerous as gilgamesh that defies the rules of the holy grail if she wanted to and if she doesn't like her master, she'd manipulate them in a lot of ways. and she would always have the upperhand. always.

then in the 80th holy grail war, she encounters Himeko after being summoned using her artifact. Initially she'd thought Himeko was her master because of the welling imaginary energy she has. But it was actually Elio that summoned her. Elio wanted to attain the holy grail to prevent a disastrous event he foresaw and knowing the capabilities of winning the holy grail, he'd began to sought its power. Himeko was there in the vicinity bc Elio owed her the artifact (kafka's) to be able to join the war. So, in a sense, Kafka really was supposed to be Himeko's servant, but with a secret deal sealed between the two, Kafka begins a side quest of uncovering the truth while (easily) surviving the new era of a war.

havent thought abt the details yet, but that's what i came up with for now HAHSHDHD

i also have another fate au in mind while typing all of this: where Himeko's the navigator/conductor of the Mystic Eyes collection train related to the Rail Zepplin arc of Lord El-Melloi but i also havent fleshed out the au in my mind yet bc like, the Fate franchise is just A LOT. and i havent played the games to know enough HDHDHDH (ive only watched the anime adaptations, fate fans dont come @ me)

additional details of the servants present in the 80th grail war:

Assassin — Kafka

Berserker — Blade

Saber — Bronya (trust me on this)

Lancer — Dan Heng

Archer — Yanqing (it's the f/sn reference iykyk HSHDHSH)

Rider — Yukong

Caster — Asta

Masters, respectively:

Elio

Jingliu

Seele

March

Jingyuan

Tingyun

Arlan

All of these are subjective thoughts and will meet changes hehe (still thinking if it should be Berserker — Svarog with Clara as the master, but it'd be too similar to the f/sn adaptation which made me giggle tbh LOL) not yet sure when ill be able to write err... but!! food for thought for everyone who's familiar with the fate series!! <33

[epicspheal]

Hello hello!

I've recently completed the main game of pokemon y as a nuzlocke for Jude, and currently doing the post game( specifically the looker stuff) under the perspective of Dante. And while I'm playing this post game, I'm like "damn looker really looked at Emma and decided to become a guardian for her immediately like damn,". And it just makes me so confused with how he carries himself in the sun and moon, if I'm remembering correctly. Like, yeah, the player character by the post game is the strongest in the region and has already dealt with ultra beasts as is. I don't remember the full details of the quest there so I'm just gonna focus on that. But I dunno like. Where is the parental nature of looker that was seen in XY? Yeah the player isn't Emma, but I feel like that side of Looker should have shines through a bit? Maybe that's just me, and maybe I'm not remembering everything clearly. I'm just kinda blown away by how fatherly Looker is in the post game right now lol. That's two for two for fatherly figures in gen 6 ( Archie in oras and now Looker in XY )

Hi there @ihopethisendswell! First off, congrats on the completion of your Nuzlocke!

Oof the change in Looker from gen 6 to gen 7 will forever remain as one of the more baffling story-making decisions for me. Admittedly I was rather ambivalent towards Looker until the XY games when I saw him become a guardian to Emma and it was just so sweet and I was growing fond of him. ...and then it all came crashing down with his SM/USUM portrayal. It was one thing to have him have the player help out...it's not the first time he'd done that and he certainly wouldn't be the only adult to ask the help of the child. The issue is that he knowingly used a child as bait for beasts so dangerous that it actually killed someone else on the International Police crew (which was also in some ways his fault according to Nanu because he started feeling sorry for the Ultra Beast and that moment allowed the untrained Faller of the crew to be killed) and wasn't about to divulge that until Nanu forced that conversation to be had. At that point...I really lost all respect for Looker. Granted the initial Faller death wasn't entirely his fault because the International Police is scummy and sent her as bait without being trained...but still letting history repeat itself wasn't a good look. So yeah it's strange how they were willing to have Looker be so protective of Emma but was really ready to repeat the same mistakes that got someone else killed with another child. It really doesn't matter if the child was a champion that's not okay. Because when you think about it, the skill-set you need to be champion and the skill-set to work on an operation like that would be different. Knowing how to battle in generally controlled environments like leagues/island challenges (that ostensibly have some level of safety measures) is different than battling an Ultra Beast who is confused and afraid (thus far more prone to lashing out than regular Pokemon), are so biologically different that you have to get specialized balls to even have a chance to capture them, and are suddenly even more in a frenzy because they detect Ultra Wormhole energy on you. Those adds layers to the battle that just weren't present when battling the Kahunas or Kukui/Hau on the top of Mount Lanakila. Especially since in both XY and the Kalos Villain arc in Pokemas, Looker shows a lot more concern and restraint for getting not only Emma involved (he had to be convinced to do so) but the other Kalos kids in something that was less dangerous...but for some reason that went all the way out the window for the Selene/Elio who are younger than Emma and the Kalos Kids. Hell he was more concerned about Anabel being hurt because she was starting to feel ill than the player (both of whom were fallers, both of whom were at similar risk should something go just slightly wrong). It was actually just such a grating plot to witness in my opinion. But yeah taking this into perspective it makes for good differing ways for how Looker is viewed by the protagonists of Kalos and Alola if people choose to go that route (which I imagine you are with Dante).

I can say for cactusverse, the way Looker is viewed depending on if you as Jabari or Marsha couldn't be more separate. Since Jabari is my XY protagonist he gets to see fatherly!Looker taking care of Emma and he holds deep respect for the man. He is in constant contact with Looker as they begin to try to rebuild the trust between the Kalos League and the Kalosian population which had been eroded since the league had done nothing to help Team Flare.

Then Marsha is my SM protagonist and she actively was about to drown the dude in a Sparkling Aria once she found out from Nanu what was going on. Girl was already partially traumatized from Motherbeast Lusamine and overall annoyed she was unofficially appointed Lillie's bodyguard when she didn't ask nor wanted to be and that the last of the straws. So imagine hearing Jabari and Marsha argue whether or not Looker is either "a great man" or a "corrupt idiot" especially in the presence of Dawn and Hilbert, the other cactusverse protagonists who have dealt with Looker and find him to be more in the middle, not really competent in their eyes but not a bad person...just trying his best in less than ideal circumstances.

[puppet2611]

//from 5.12.23

hey.... im going a lil cray cray over lf x a5 crossover au.. (also 8:11 bcz im a loser for oc x canon :3)(still coping over this stomache) if i dont send smth in 5 minutes shoot me im going too cray cray/j

lf already kind of has ties to a5 since the entities still being alive and just kinda moving around but not really - maybe ill age up adam and oliver to use as background characters but whos knowss

not canon or anything just a silly little thought but erm. what if all 3 were connected via religion 😁 emilio, natalia, charlotte and isabella from lf already have religious backgrounds, 8:11 practically revolves around religion and a5 entities pretending to be angels could wreck some havoc on the damned basilica teehee,,, since im too silly with char.ai most of the characters mentioned already interacted w/ 8:11 bots to kinda get an idea of how everything would play out even if it was ooc... younger emilio and amelia def actually confided in francis while everyone else was at least a bit suspicious (minus isabella but uhmmm. lore reasons) idk abt the entities since i havent rlly worked on anything but their designs but maybe ill give them different abilities and only one of them knows francis' true intentions:3c

OH YEAH idk if ill ever tell him abt it but maybee i could throw in adams ocs too since bros absolutely batshit insane over 8:11 rn. i have screenshots of him being insanely gay over a french guy btw if anyone wanted to see/j ANYWAY ehheheee maybe felix and samuel knew the martin kids at some point :33 bunch of religiously traumatized kids meeting, what could happen??? (felix and emilio both stabbed their siblings at skme point 💀) ANYWAYS i think sam and samuel would get along not just because uhh similar names but idk since were kinda split between making sam a bitch or actually nice... oh and i never drew sam or amelia properly yet whoops a5 exploded my mind

btw abt the entity mfs id like to think most of them usually stay in human forms except for atlas whos kinda the socially awkward one whod rather stay as an animal so no one tries to talk to him lmfao

but hes also extra so anyone at the basilica sees a fucking bear with antlers and the fur pattern of a deer and gets jumpscared (they all get used to it later and only vistors get jumpscared) OH AND ABT THE OC X CANON STUFF. not rlly shipping i just dk what else to call it but tee hee maybe isabella and vittorino have mad beef because her dad died at the basilica not soon after vitto joined so shes mad sus 😁😁 but only to be a bitch bcz she finds him utterly disgusting. her cousin allen kills him bcz he kinda was suffering anyway and she actually helped plan it loll

everytime girl comes across the stupid hoe they always glare at each other or get in a fight... usually verbal bcz natalia would go rabid if vitto tried to hit bella ykyk

oh and since im trying to align the stories together a bunch of ages r gonna have to change... idk if emilio or oliver is gonna be the older one but there is no way in hell a priest is younger than someone still in school... but then again overthinker wont stop comparing emmy to felix so ion wanna make him too close to blondies age but then again again felix is like 50 now... ill probably make emmy 36 and amelia 41 ig. klaus has too many white hairs to only be 40 anyway/hj but then adams still older than klaus.... i mean ig i could just use the excuse that he dyes his hair since he already has highlights

this is a whole mess uhm.

im unoriginal asf so emilio and jericho can bond over being people pleasers and cupioromantic but their first and only ever crush was abusive 😁😁 (<- definitely not projecting) (i lied. jericho only ever gets with elio bcz of that one time on valentines day irl) (im normal i swear)

OH WHILE IM TALKUNG ABT EMILIO. BEFORE I FORGET

bro went from snarky rude ass hoe to the most pathetic bird known to man for silliness reasons/hj

bros insanely mentally unstable, has chronic pain and heart problems, trust problems and definitely either a drinking or smoking problem. hell he can even jack both of them if he wants/j uhm. but i decided to make him less of a mary sue with all the language stuff n shit. idk if i ever mentioned it but who cares its my channel grr/j anyways instead lf the grocery list of languages he can speak, he can only speak english, greek, and belarusian 👍 also asl but idk if youd count that as smth he can speak

still torturing his pathetic ahh but anywayss abt that one tobias/future emilio art. the snake he has was originally gonna be named mobius for his symbolism stuff (and a hi3 ref/silly) but maybee i might rename the snake fang or michael as in adams late husband because uhmmm. what if adam was like a father figure to him when they met and he at some point got him a snake 👍👍 (he wouldve gotten a rabbit but uhm. vitto symbolism. and bro is traumatized from the vittorino ais..)

that is all for neow bcz i need to go take medicine 😭

[jademakean]

𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐯𝐲 𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒎 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆, 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

During most of your years of living, you found yourself to be insecure about your weight. It's not like it was bad (health-hazardous), you just had more meat to your bones, but your past toxic skinny friends always made you think that way.

Their ill-mannered tendencies caught up to you and suffocated you with negative thoughts, not only towards your self but also towards others. Petite people to be specific. It was never hateful of course; you wouldn't body shame them because you knew how much that could damage a person. It was jealousy.

No matter what your relationship with the person was, that one thought was always there, lingering.

The day those thoughts began fading away was the day you began your Art's Program. As you made your way to the diverse class you crossed paths with a handsome boy. He was cluelessly wandering through the building searching for the right room, and if you hadn't caught a glimpse of his disoriented stance then you two would never have met. You offered to help which caused you to be late but you didn't really mind.

Timothée, the boy, would be lying if he said that he didn't salivate the second he laid eyes on you.

It felt sinful for him to gaze too long on a certain if not, any part of your body.

He had never been specifically attracted to a certain type, but when he met you all of that wouldn't matter anyway, because you were the only person he'd ever want.

After many days of gawking at you anytime you were at eye distance from him, he finally broke from his reserved self and asked you out.

And since that tenth date, you've both been the happiest anyone could be.

You now worked at a small diner and sold smooth stone sculptures and paintings online, hoping to get recognized as time went on which you would.

The acting classes that Timothée took in the art establishment paid off and he achieved movie rolls here and there, his last was 'Call Me By Your Name' where he played the main character 'Elio Perlman', from then on he got an increasing fanbase obsessing over his looks and talents.

You honestly didn't mind all the women and men who sought after him because, in the end, you were the who was tied-up with him.

And God did this man treat you like an empress. Like said before, it wasn't until you met him that you began improving your mental health.

Every day he made you feel more and more confident in yourself. His affectionate words would make your heart beat rapidly, filling you up with an amount of love you could only dream of.

It was only after a semi-old picture of you and Timmy was leaked that some 'fans' proceeded to shamelessly insult you and your figure.

Maybe it was out of envy of your relationship or maybe it because some genuinely didn't like your body. But one thing was certain and that was that no matter how much you attempted to maintain positive thoughts circulating through your mind, it invariably overturned.

It was all crumbling, all the progress on evolving into the best person you could be. Deteriorating.

You felt ashamed to avoid consuming food the best you could without Timmy noticing. It obviously didn't work. He soon realized what you were trying to do once you went from exercising a reasonable amount, to spending a harmful number of hours in the gym.

You had now finished taking a shower, your oversized shirt clinging to certain parts of your aching body as you wandered into the living room.

A smile washed over your features once you caught sight of your curly-headed boyfriend, sitting on the couch watching TV.

A yelp erupted from your throat as Timothée snatched you by your hips onto his lap. If today was a normal day, you'd redden from his intimate action. However, this moment you reddened from embarrassment.

Right now you were surprised he wasn't complaining about you crushing him from all of your weight; an obvious overexertion you somehow couldn't comprehend.

You began fidgeting slightly, which Timothée was more than okay with, though it was only until it seemed that you wanted to move away from him that he spoke up. "Are you okay, baby?"

Timmy finally let you sit beside him, his feelings slightly hurt thinking you were mad at him. "Yeah, It's just too hot."

His eyebrows immediately furrowed at your statement "You literally just got out of the shower and still have goosebumps. Tell me the truth."

You diverted your eyes from his green ones, guilt caused your throat to close up from the lie that had slipped from your lips. As you debate whether you should tell him of not, his slender fingers made contact with your bare thigh, the comforting effort caused you to tense up.

That's it. That's when he put all the dots together. "Are you insecure about your body again?"

The softness in his voice triggered tears to well up in your eyes. Timothée's arms wrapped you in a warm embrace, setting his head on top of yours breathing in your scent.

"What happened?" He asked, referring to the fact that you were completely optimistic a week before.

"I just came across some comments." His face softened at your little sniffles, backing away so he could see your face.

"Listen to me. Remember the reason why we didn't want to make our relationship public. There are people out there who's lives are so pathetic that they feel the need to put others down in order to make themselves feel better. This is one of those cases--"

You looked up at him gently rubbing your eye so you could see clearly through the tears. "--And don't think that it's because there's something wrong with you, there isn't. Everyone who's displayed to the public eye will get judged, no matter how 'perfect' they are."

You sighed nodding lightly as he wiped your stained ruby cheeks. You understood, you always have. Yet he's the one who was able to blow away your cloudy thoughts "I just think that there are so many girls better for you that I-" Timothée immediately interrupted you with no hesitation.

"You aren't a girl, you are a woman--"

His hands had now travelled down to your hips, the ones that he adored so much. "--A woman who I was thirsting after for weeks just because of how sweet and gorgeous you were. If anything you've become more beautiful which is something I didn't think was humanly possible. "

You couldn't help but giggle as you listened carefully "I love the fact that you take care of yourself and that you're proud of it. I love that you have more body for me to love, to admire, to grab while we fuc-"

"Okay, Timmy I get it!" You interjected quickly, his words making your body flush as you mirror his laugh.

The man kissed you feverishly wanting to physically express the amount of respect and devotion he had for you.

"I love you for who you are, and you should too. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise."

[onthesandsofdreams]

To Find a Bride

Fandom: ASoIaF Pairing: Fem!Ned x Rhaegar (Main), Male!Elia x Ashara, Fem!Jaime x Male!Lyanna (Side) Rating: T Summary: Rhaegar Targaryen is in need of a bride, what better place to find her than in the Tourney of Harrenhal. And as it happens, a certain Wolf-maid catches his eye and the more he knows her, the more he wants her. Words: 2435 Notes: Written for the @asoiafrarepairs‘s ‘A dream of Spring’ event. Day 7: Free Day | Fill a Prompt: Female!Ned Stark X Rhaegar Targaryen, Female!Jaime Lannister X Male!Lyanna Stark, Male!Elia Martell X Ashara Dayne. Tourney of Harrenhall, where Rhaegar has to decide who shall be his future Queen.

Read @ AO3

Rhaegar is tired. Exhausted really. But his father has given the order, and he must comply. He needs to decide who will be his bride. It’s not a decision he takes lightly, and it’s one that he must measure well.

“Brooding again, Rhaegar?”

Arthur. Rhaegar turns, “Wouldn’t you, if you were in my place?”

Arthur grins, “No, I can think of worst things to do, then choose a woman to wed.”

“Of course you would find this amusing.”

“Marry my sister then,” Arthur shrugs. “She would make a good wife, better Queen.”

At that, Rhaegar allows himself a tiny smile. “Have you missed the fact that Prince Elio Martell courts your sister already?”

“No,” Arthur sighs, dejected. “But it was just a suggestion. I know both Lannister ladies are not a good idea, unless you want to antagonize the King. And one of the Starks, it seems that Lady Cerelle has caught the eye of the second son of Lord Stark. But then again, nothing is set on stone as of yet.”

Rhaegar nods, it had not escaped his notice. After all, he needed to know about the possible ladies as much as possible. “Indeed. But I doubt Lord Tywin would approve, he’s either hoping that I or Viserys weds either daughter. And as you say, nothing is set in stone. I can only hope for the best.”

“Speaking of Starks… My sister speaks highly of Lady Eddara. Perhaps you could get to know her?”

Rhaegar frowns, somehow, Lady Stark has managed to somewhat slip out of his mind. A mistake that he needs to fix, apparently. “Perhaps that would be a good idea,” he agrees. “I have not seen her much.”

“She’s on the shy and quiet side of things, I’m told.” Arthur gives him a pointed look. “Perhaps an invitation is in order?”

“Yes, I could speak with Lady Stark.”

“Then, I shall arrange it, but as a forewarning, she does have three brothers. And her older brother, Lord Brandon is on the protective side.”

“My thanks Arthur, and I will heed your warning.”

“Good.”

*****

Rhaegar meets Lady Eddara Stark after they have broken their fasts. Arthur and Ashara trail behind, as escorts, for which he is grateful. They follow at a respectful distance, not too far so they will be out of sight, but not close enough to eavesdrop on the conversation. And it seemed to be like Arthur was not wrong about her brothers, the three of them had been polite, but there was an edge to their words that spoke of retribution should anything happen upon their sister.

Rhaegar had no intention of hurting Lady Eddara, much less allow any harm to come to her. Eddara curtseys, greets him with a small smile, one he returns. Her eyes are deep grey, like smoke from a pyre. She’s tall, taller than other women, her hair falls mostly freely from her hair, only some pieces hold it away from her face. And her face is solemn, large and solemn. And he sees a part of himself reflected on her face.

“Have you ever visited the Riverlands before, my Lady?” Rhaegar asks. It’s a good way to start a conversation.

“I have,” Eddara replies. “I visited with Lord Hoster Tully, I wanted to meet Lady Catelyn, so my father arranged it.”

“Ah, yes, Lady Tully is promised to your brother, is that correct?”

“Aye my Prince, she is to marry Brandon soon. We will depart Harrenhal for Riverrun, in fact. We are looking forward to the wedding.”

“Then I shall endeavour to wish your lord brother good wishes on his upcoming marriage. But, tell me about yourself Lady Stark. I confess that I know little of the North, and whatever little I know, I know because of my uncle Aemon.”

Eddara smiles at him. “It shall please both Brandon and Catelyn, I think.” She dims a little. “I am not very interesting my Prince. Life in the North is not as full as excitement as I imagine life in King’s Landing is. But if you insist, then I shall tell you.”

“I do insist, my curiosity has been sparkled.”

“I read my Prince, I manage Winterfell. Have done so since my mother passed, take care of our people and my brothers. Help my father as best I can. I play the violin, I can’t sing, I’m sorry to say that I’m not a good dancer either.”

Rhaegar’s curiosity grows as he watches her talk, her serious face lights up when speaking about her life and her family. “What books do you enjoy, my Lady? I myself am quite the reader.” He frowns. “Though some dislike it.”

“It’s better to be a well read King than not, my Prince,” Eddara’s voice is quiet, barely above a whisper. “And I enjoy poems, history and legends.”

Rhaegar’s head snaps towards her after her first words. That is a dangerous thing to say, he knows. “Perhaps so,” he matches her tone. “Poetry is a noble pursuit,” this time his voice returns to a normal tone. “And history must be learned, I do admit to liking the legends myself.”

Eddara gives him a tiny smile. “I have always thought that legends must have a smidge of truth, do you not think so, my Prince? Else, how could they come to be?”

Intriguing, Eddara Stark is intriguing. “Indeed.”

*****

Rhaegar himself is not much of a dancer, he dances because he must. So he walks towards Lady Ashara and requests a dance, she curtseys and obliques, but he does not miss the baleful glare both Martell princes send his way. Elio and Oberyn are twins in all but birthwater, it would do ill to antagonize them, but, he must on this occasion.

Lady Ashara is sweet and kind, regales him with tales of Dorne and of her and Arthur’s childhood, she praises his singing and he thanks her. They continue to speak while they dance, and when the music stops he bows and returns her towards her table.

Rhaegar also dances with Lady Cerelle Lannister, earning a glare from Lyan Stark. Cerelle continues to look back, almost as if she were looking for her sister. Lady Cersei’s face is smiling, but it does not reach her eyes.

Then, Rhaegar dances with Lady Cersei and she preens. He pretends not to notice, Lady Cersei sings his praises, carries herself with pride, but he dislikes the edge of smugness that hides in her voice. The song ends and he returns her to her table, Lady Cersei is almost reluctant to let go.

Lastly, Rhaegar requests a dance from Lady Eddara, she bows and takes his offered hand. “I must warn you my Prince,” Eddara says. “I am not the best dancer, so I beg your forgiveness in advance should I step on you.”

Rhaegar shakes his head. “Forgiveness is not necessary, my Lady. Accidents happen, but I am told I am a good dancer, perhaps I could teach you.”

“Then, I’d be honored to have such an excellent tutor.”

The music starts again and Rhaegar begins to lead, “Tell me my lady, what was it like to grow with brothers?”

Eddara’s face lightens and her eyes sparkle. “They were terrors my Prince. Absolute terrors, but I love them dearly, I can’t imagine my life without them. Once they decided to band against me, I was pelted with snowballs. Fortunately, some of our men got in and helped me to pay them back in turn.”

At the end of Eddara’s tale, there is laughter in her voice and Rhaegar finds that he likes the sound. He wishes he could hear her laugh out loud. “That seems hardly fair, three against one.”

“It wasn’t,” Eddara replies, laughter making her eyes sparkle. “But the reprimand that they got from our father was worth the cold.”

“Then I am glad. And see my Lady, you are dancing quite well.”

Eddara blushes. “Perhaps because my Prince leads so well.”

At the end of the song, Rhaegar finds himself reluctant to let her go.

But sees Lady Cerelle dancing with Lord Lyan Stark. And Ashara Dayne has not parted with Prince Elio. Things were interesting now.

*****

Rhaegar’s curiosity about Eddara Stark has only grown. He sees glimpses of an iron hidden underneath a calm exterior, she might lack her brothers fire, but her intellect more than makes up for it. And he knows because he has been able to speak with her more, he will admit to go out of his way to do so. He has no regrets. And at her insistence, he calls her Eddara. Ned doesn’t suit her much, even if she insists she doesn’t mind.

Once, full of curiosity, Rhaegar asked, “What would you do, Lady Eddara if two of your bannermen were arguing and wanted your judgement?”

Eddara looks at him, then blink surprised. She doesn’t answer immediately, instead she thinks for a moment. Rhaegar doesn’t rush her. “Well,” Eddara starts. “I might travel to the lords, but I would take a pair of servants with me.”

“And why is that?”

“Lords can twist words, say something that is not true. But servants talk to each other, and the Lords tend to ignore them, so I would have my servants listen and talk, hear what has been said on both sides of the issue and then make my judgement.”

Rhaegar is impressed. “Cleverly thought, Eddara.”

“Thank you my Prince.” Eddara blushes. “I try to learn from my lord father. He has taught us all, even me.”

“Then Lord Stark is a better man than most.”

*****

“Tell me about your Godswoods Eddara, I have never seen one as grand as Winterfell’s sound to be.”

“It’s quite big, my Prince.” No matter how hard Rhaegar has tried, he has not managed to make her call him Rhaegar. It’s her manners, he knows. But it’s vexing. “The Heart Tree is large, unlike any other here in the South, it’s face carved and almost sorrowful, the red sap gives it a gnarly air, but I like it. The woods are dark and there is a pond near the Tree, there’s a certain something there I can’t quite place. It almost feels like magic, truly it’s… magnificent.”

The ends of Rhaegar’s lips curl upwards. It’s always quite pleasant hearing Eddara speak of Winterfell, the North and her family. She truly comes alive during those particular topics. “Lord Brandon said it was grand, but you make me want to see it.”

“Perhaps one day my Prince will visit Winterfell, I shall endeavour to show the Godswoods to you.”

“Perhaps one day, Eddara, perhaps one day.”

*****

“Have you made up your mind?” Arthur asks one eve, after they have retired. “Because you seem quite taken with Lady Stark.”

“She’s different.”

“Different good?”

“Quite.” Rhaegar answers easily. “She’s quite… something. I like her.”

“I know,” Arthur says, a smug look to his face. “And people have noticed. Yes, you have danced and spoken to several ladies, and yet, you seek Lady Stark outside of formal obligations.” 

“She’s head and shoulder above all others.”

“Then it sounds like you’ve made up your mind Rhaegar. Oh Lord Tywin will be displeased. And so will Lady Cersei.”

Rhaegar’s mouth twitches. “They will indeed. But it seems that Lady Cerella is quite taken with Lord Lyan.”

“Indeed. They seem inseparable.”

“Lord Tywin will be most displeased.”

Rhaegar resists the urge to laugh. 

******

Rhaegar dons his armor for the joust. Prize in mind, he squares his shoulders and readies himself. He’s got a lot of competition to win if he’s to crown Eddara.

One by one, his opponents fall. Each one drawing him closer to victory. Until only Brandon Stark and Ser Barristan are left. Brandon falls easily enough, Ser Barristan is harder to beat, but in the end, he triumphs. Waves to the cheering crowd and takes the crown of blue roses. 

Rhaegar can almost hear everyone hold their breaths.

And Rhaegar looks for Eddara, finds her sitting next to Brandon and Lyan, close enough to the arena that should not be a problem for him to give her the crown. He spurs his horse forward until he’s standing in front of Eddara. “My Lady,” he says as he offers the crown. “For you.”

Eddara blushes fiercely, but takes the crown. “You honor me, my Prince.”

Rhaegar ignores the glares he’s getting from both Brandon and Lyan, and simply smiles at Eddara, “Not half of what you deserve.”

*****

“With respect, your Grace,” Brandon’s voice is cold. “What exactly do you intend with my sister?”

Rhaegar should be offended, but he isn’t. He’s been expecting this. “To ask your Lord father for her hand in marriage.”

Brandon is left speechless. His eyes widen and his mouth falls open. Moves his lips but no words come forward. “I - well.”

Rhaegar bites down a smile. It’s almost hard to believe how easy smiles come to him now, especially when it comes to Eddara. “I mean that Lord Stark. The King has graciously granted me the leave to pick my bride. And I have chosen your sister. I sent a raven to your father two days ago.”

“If that’s the case,” Brandon pulls himself up to his full height. “Then, allow me to be an elder brother and say this: If you hurt her, you deal with me.”

“Then, rest assured that I will not do so.”

“I’ll hold you to that, your Grace.”

“I expect nothing less.”

*****

Rhaegar hears from Arthur that Elio is formally courting Ashara now. And he knows that Lyan has written to his father about Cerelle’s hand. He wishes both couples luck, to Elio and Ashara to their faces. To Lyan and Cerelle in his head.

*****

Before they have to part ways, Rhaegar makes sure to speak with Eddara once more. “I have already sent a letter to your lord father, and the King. If they agree, our betrothal will be announced soon.”

Eddara, nods solemn. “Then I hope all goes well.”

Rhaegar squeezes her hand, “Do not fear, Eddara, I doubt my father would have an objection. And I would think that Lord Stark would at least consider it.”

*****

Three weeks after Brandon and Catelyn’s wedding, Eddara is summoned to King’s Landing. Rhaegar goes and receives her, drawing her into his arms. Around them, the commons whisper, he finds that he does not care.

Lady Eddara Stark is received with all the honors she deserves. And the night of her arrival, during the feast, King Aerys announces their betrothal. Rhaegar kisses his bride-to-be softly, and smiles at her blush.

Around them, people cheer.

[blissfulsaturn]

Story time:

March 2nd, 2018

A month before this date i went to the movies and watched The Maze Runner : The death cure. I went alone because two of my friends bailed on me (for weed/girlfriend) and my own brother, because he was ill. So i went alone and had a blast. What is totally normal for me is to get addicted to the characters and read fanficion and search for pages about them etc. The 3rd part of TMR came out 2 years later than when it was scheduled because the main character (Dylan O'Brien) got injured on the set and the movie couldn't continue without him. Back in 2016, I was addicted to them, and yet again in 2018. I shipped two characters Thomas (Dylan) and Newt (Thomas Brodie- Sangster), and they were everything to me. I've been reading and writing about them, watching the interviews of the entire cast, BTS, stalking so many pages because of them...which is totally normal for me.

On that Friday morning, i had a class at 8am and it was also the day of my big presentation on which I've been working the entire previous day. I woke up and rushed to YouTube to see if there's something new about Newtmas. And then i saw a fanvideo that caught my attention; a thumbnail showed two pairs of legs, big and small, lying on bed, intertwined. Back then, i had no idea they were Elio and Oliver, during their first night. I didn't watch it, i saved it, and then i saw that Thomas BS was in a show called Godless, there was a trailer. I didn't watch it, i just made a mental note to watch the TV series when i come back home. Yes, that was my goal for the day.

I went to class, kicked ass with my presentation, got a perfect score and, because it was snowing, i wasn't rushing back home, i love the snow. My grandmother lives 20 minutes from my University so i decided to go and visit her. On my way to her i called her, she didn't answer, so i went outside her door and when nobody answered, i turned around and went home. I enjoyed the snow on my way back home.

On my way home i scrolled through Google and saw that there were Oscar nominees. The Oscars were 2 days away. I read about some but the entire attention was focused on only one movie and on one actor : Call me by your name and Timothée Chalamet. I had no idea what was it about or who he was (i didn't recognize him from Interstellar). So i read about the plot and my God, i swear to you, when i saw that it was an LGBTQ movie and that Armie Hammer was the other character :SOLD!

I've been a fan of Armie's for years and he's always given me such gay vibes and the fact that he starred in this type of movie, I thought "Finally, something where he'll shine!" and my gentle giant did shine. As for Timothée, i read his name and thought "Huh, he's probably a tall black haired dude", and he waaaaas, i had no idea what he looked like until i got home and searched his name. I was sold, he was, still is, beautiful. I was hooked to the both of them almost immediately.

So I got home, ate something, and somewhere around 8 or 9 pm I started watching Call me by your name. I never made a bathroom break, never played with my phone, never paused it; my full attention was on the movie in front of me. I don't think i changed the way i was lying while watching it. It was like i couldn't blink or breathe or speak. When the movie was over, i cried like i never cried before, it took me about 30-40 minutes to gather my shit and go drink some water so i don't dehydrate. The next morning, i couldn't stop thinking about it. I had to study, but instead of that, i watched the movie again, and the next day as well, and 30 minutes before the Oscars. I watched the Oscars from 2am til 6am, never missed a second and cried again when they won the Best Adaptive Screenplay. Then i took a short nap of almost an hour, got up, went to class. The next day i found the book online and read it. Again...crying like a maniac. And after that...i haven't been the same since. My addiction grew so much that in the first year i lost count after watching the movie for the 20th time, I now own 5 different versions of the book, a fan account on Instagram and a blog here on Tumblr, plus, the multiple fanfics/one shots i wrote about them. I have Elio's bracelets, my Elio shirt, i don't look at peaches the same way and thanks to Elio i now know how to finger them so i get the seed out, and the big finale : why this movie shook me so much is because i, myself, have an Oliver in my life. It hit so close to home.

My day is still filled with everything related to Timothée, Armie and Call me by your name. I've changed so much, in every way possible and i have this movie/book to thank only. They had such an impact on me, i don't remember what my life was before this. I never watched that TV show i wanted or went back to shipping Newtmas.

Two years ago on this exact day, my life changed and changed for good. It's something i can't explain and yet, I'm in a mood to talk about all of this for hours.

🍑🍑🍑

[lcgacyofages]

A Completed History for my Amell Family Part I

*Please note, when interacting with other Amells, the mother doesn’t necessarily have to be Revka. They can be cousins

Part II: here Part III: here (warning: contains triggering content of sexual abuse/harrassment)

Please note, this will be long. It’s a whole history Dazbo, Zoria, Aurora, and their family. It is broken into multiple parts. Get ready for a novella.

Aelius Ortus was the older son of a Tevinter Magister who ended up in a blood feud with his younger brother. He found himself on the losing side and fled to Southern Thedas, taking on the fake name of Alaric Ortega, taking up being a merchant and passing himself off as Antivan. He found himself in Kirkwall, where he befriended the Amell family and fell in love with Revka Amell. The pair were married, and despite the dangers of Kirkwall and it’s strong anti-mage stance, he settled there. His brother wouldn’t think to look for him in Kirkwall, after all.

Their first son was born in 9:02 and they named him Sorin. in 9:05, they welcomed their second son, Dazbo. By this time, Aelius had firmly set himself up as a respected merchant in Kirkwall and he and his family lived comfortably. In 9:07, a third son was born named Elio.

The happy family situation changed, though, when Sorin’s magical abilities manifested sooner the Aelius had expected and he was taken to the Circle in 9:09. Considering this, Aelius looked into more of his and Revka’s family history, after Zoria was born in 9:10, he decided to leave Kirkwall to figure out a way to get Sorin back with their family. He was now suspecting his family would show magical abilities prior to the typical age due to both his own family history and Revka’s.

The next to be taken to the Circle was Dazbo in 9:13. While in the southern part of Antiva, Dazbo decided to get Zoria a birthday gift. Despite being warned about his magic, he used it to distract a shopkeeper to nab a necklace (not expensive and he would have bought the money back later, he had forgotten it). Unfortunately, there was a templar nearby who chased after him and took him to the Antivan Circle. Revka had been pregnant at this time and as soon as Aurora was born in 9:13 and she was able, Aelius moved his family again.

At the border of Ferelden and Orlais in 9:16, Elio was discovered by people outside of the family to have magic and they alerted the templars and Elio was taken to the Montsimmard Circle. Aelius and Revka moved with their two daughters deeper into Ferelden, hoping the nation’s culture of freedom would help them protect their two daughters.

That didn’t happen, though, as Zoria was playing with village children and got into an argument at one of their houses. In the argument, her magic slammed a door as well as caused a flurry of wind around her. This was in 9:18 and she was swiftly taken to Kinloch Hold.

The last to be taken was Aurora in 9:21. She had shown a greater connection with spirits from a young age, and Aelius suspected she would grow up to be a spirit healer. Due to the stress of the moving and losing her children one by one, Revka became ill. Aelius, not a healer, left to get help as he had heard a respected spirit healer was nearby. Left alone, Aurora called on a spirit of Compassion to help her heal her mother. Unfortunately, this was when the templars and Wynne arrived. Revka pleaded for them to take Aurora to Kinloch to be with her sister, and Wynne seeing Aurora’s abilities, arranged for it to be so, as the young girl had similar abilities to her own.

After losing his children, Aelius realized he couldn’t recover them with the powers he had now. He decided to work to return to Tevinter and retake his place as magister from his brother and use his connections that way. He and Revka traveled north and he began work on gaining alliances and connections to usurp his younger brother.

In 9:28, he had sufficient connections and alliances to start shaking his brother’s foundations. During this time, he managed to get in contact with his oldest son in secret coded messages. They worked out a plan to help him and his siblings escape from the Circles, but it required all of them to be at Kinloch. One of the items Aelius sent him in secret was a ring with their Ortus family crest on it so he could use it to prove himself to Aelius’s allies when he met them.

In 9:29, Sorin requested to be able to go to Kinloch Hold with his siblings in order to study magic in family lines. He made a good argument on why it was priority for all of his siblings to be there and he was a well liked and behaved mage for Kirkwall, so there was little reason to be suspect. He also said he hoped to find a way to cut off the magic without forcing Tranquility. It was a lie, but he was able to hold it and get permission, as long as he and his brothers had templar handlers travel with them and have their phylacteries so they could track them if they tried anything.

And this was precisely what Sorin had hoped for.

[all-things-skam]

eliott protecting lucas from his dad ( maybe you can also add him a bit of him confronting lucas’ dad over the fact that he financially and emotionally abandoned lucas?)

Anon: Bonjour! Could you write something about Lucas’s dad (he can be a right arsewipe or just a bit dodgy) and other people reacting to it? Thanks \••/

Anon: Overprotective Elliot please

-

Title: Father, dear father

Ship: Skam France | Lucas Lallemant and Eliot Demaury (Elu)

Lucas’s dad wasn’t the father of the year. He was shallow, self-centered and always late.

The young couple had been waiting for him at the restaurant for over an hour and Eliott was starting to get impatient. They had ran across the city to get to this damn dinner in time yet, Lucas’s dad had yet to show up after sixty minutes. Sixty-two!

After twenty minutes of waiting they grew tired and Eliott suggesting ordering some drinks. But as the time passed, he grew more impatient. Lucas knew how exhausted Eliott was having come from a long shift at work, so he agreed to order some entrees and they could order their meal once he arrived. But now, they were long finished their entrees and it was clear that Eliott was not having it.

“If he’s not there in five minute, we’re leaving. I’m not gonna wait here all evening for someone who can’t bother warning that they’re going to be late. That is, if he’s going to show up.”

“He’s going to show up. He told me he would.”

Eliott raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Like last week when he said he’d transfer you your part for the rent?” Lucas narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend. “Sorry.”

Eliott was right though.

Lucas owed two months of rent to Mika and his dad still hadn’t transferred him the money after promising him he’d do it. Lucky for Lucas that Eliott had some spare money he could let him borrow. Lucas felt bad for taking so much money from Eliott. He had worked hard to earn this and should be using it for college next year, not pay Lucas’s late rents.

Checking the time on his phone, Eliott stood, about to pull on his jacket when Lucas stopped him.

“Eli, please. Sit down,” Lucas insisted.

Tonight was the first time Eliott would meet his dad and Lucas had been stressing over this dinner for days, hoping everything would go smoothly but, his father’s tardiness was getting on Eliott’s bad side which was not good.

Eliott was already not a fan of how the man left Lucas alone to deal with his mentally ill mother. He was fifteen for fuck’s sake. At fifteen, you should be making new experiences and skateboarding with your friends. He shouldn’t have been the one dealing his schizophrenic mother, it was his dad’s duty - even if they were getting a divorce.

It was almost 8pm when a familiar face took a seat in front of Lucas, acting as if nothing happened. He snapped his fingers at the waitress passing by, calling for a rhum on ice and gave his son a cold hello before glancing at the unfamiliar face.

“I’m Stéphane, you must be Elio.”

“It’s Eliott.”

“Did you change your shifts at work? You used to have weekends off,” Lucas asked, trying to justify his dad’s tardiness.

The man pulled his eyebrows. “I wasn’t at work. Why would I be at work on a Saturday?”

“What held you back, then?” Eliott asked, saying what Lucas didn’t dare asking.

A part of him understood why he didn’t ask. From what Eliott knew, Stéphane had left Lucas and his mom and moved across the city in a condo. Lucas was probably afraid of discovering that would break his heart like his dad having a new girlfriend. The divorce had been finalized two months ago, it was a bit fast to be moving on and it was unfair to Lucas’s mom who had no say in this divorce yet was still under Stéphane’s responsibility.

“I’m sorry?”

“We agreed to meet here at 6:30, and it’s 8pm.”

“Did we?”

“Lucas sent you texts and called you two times, did you not read them?”

Lucas put his hand on Eliott’s thigh, squeezing, silently asking him to calm down. He didn’t want his boyfriend to get into an argument with his dad on their first meeting.

“Well, at least I’m here,” he laughed, but Eliott was not having it. It was anything but funny.

The waitress came with Stéphane’s drink and brought a menu table for him.

Eliott was now protectively holding Lucas’s hand. He was hoping that holding the younger boy’s hand would prevent him from lashing out at his dad, that Lucas’s touch would calm him down. Eliott was never a particularly violent person and he rarely got angry. But, when it came to Lucas, it was a different story.

He gave the man a stern look and just shook his head. “It was you who wanted to meet up, maybe consider being on time next time,” Eliott muttered bitterly in a quiet voice.

Stéphane took a sip of his drink and, just as he put it down, his phone went off. He checked the screen and smiled. “Excuse me. I have to take this, it’s my fiancé.”

As soon as Lucas heard the word ‘fiancé’, he felt like he’d been stabbed. In every argument with his mom he would say that he would never make the same mistake again and that he would never get married. Just another one of his lies and this was not the time for Lucas to find out. He had left his mom and him to their own devices just to go and play happy family with some other women. What was worst was the smile that rose on his face as he talked to her on the phone.

Everything was hurting in that moment. Lucas felt tears filling up his eyes, he knew he was about to cry but he didn’t want to cause a scene at the restaurant so he quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom.

“Lucas?” Stéphane said, watching his son leave the table, completely clueless. He told his fiancé that he would call her back in a minute and hung up. “What’s up with him? Is he feeling sick or something?” he asked Eliott. Does he not know what he did wrong?

Eliott wanted to follow him, knowing he might need comfort, but he had something else to do beforehand.

“I was holding myself back for Lucas but now that he left, all thanks to you, I might as well be honest with you. Do you know how much this dinner meant to him? Beside his mom, you’re all he has. He keeps giving you chances, thinking you’ll do good yet, you fail him every single time. Do you know the amount of stress Lucas has to handle every single day because of you? You’re either not sending the rent on time or texting him something frustrating or not even listening to him when he needs someone. You’re his father, you should be there for him! But no, you abandoned him. Lucky for you I’m here to make sure he has a roof over his head and food in his stomach.”

Eliott was aware of the gravity of his accusation but, it was all true. Stéphane had abandoned Lucas both emotionally and financially and Eliott wasn’t okay with that. Children should be loved and supported, not tossed aside when they don’t grow up the way you wanted them to.

“He lost his entire family because of you and has to manage everything on his own while you’re out here, living some sort of a fantasy life, as if Lucas and his mom don’t matter anymore. I get that taking care of a mentally ill can be exhausting but don’t abandon them like some defectful toy. Do you enjoy hurting people? Is that why you abandoned them? So you could start a new, ‘perfect’ family where no one is faltive in any ways?”

He took a deep breath trying to tone down his anger. This man infuriated him.

“He barely get any sleep because he’s so stressed out about everything. He worries sick about his mom, worried if one day he’ll get a call that she has done something terrible to herself. But, you wouldn’t want to hear all of that would you? You’re too busy sticking your head in the sand. When Lucas talked me into meeting you, I was willing to give you a chance. I thought, maybe he’ll prove me wrong, maybe he’s a nice man.” Eliott shook his head, laughing at himself. “Pardon me for saying this but, you fucked up big time tonight. Showing up late was one thing but answering your fiancé during this dinner was beyond disrespectful and extremely hurtful for Lucas. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll got pick up the pieces of the mess you made.” He stood and too Lucas’s jacket from the back of the chair. “Don’t wait for us. We’re not coming back.”

He made his way to the bathroom and pulled a crying Lucas into his arms the second he saw him, not caring if he’d get his nice shirt wet. It was just clothes. Lucas looked like he wanted to say something but the only thing he could do was bury his face in Eliott’s chest for a minute.

“He lied… H-how could he?” His bottom lip trembled as he looked up at Eliott, blue eyes red from crying, tears on his face. “H-how could he do that to us? How could he replace us so fast?”

Eliott wanted to tell Lucas that his dad was an asshole and that he didn’t deserve Lucas’s love but realized a public bathroom wasn’t the place to have this conversation.

Instead, he gently rubbed Lucas’s back, knowing that it calmed Lucas down. “Let me take you home, get you cuddled up in my bed. We can even order in from your favorite restaurant to make up for this shitty dinner. I told your dad we were leaving, you don’t have to go back.”

Lucas rubbed his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears. “I can’t just leave and give up on this. I have to talk him eventually…don’t I?”

“You don’t have to. Not tonight.”

Lucas sniffled and nodded. ‘‘Okay. Let’s go home.’‘

Eliott kissed his cheek and helped Lucas with his jacket, taking his hand as they exited the restaurant without looking back.

[tidesreach]

For Now I Am Winter

Skam Italia | 1497 words | Warning for suicidal ideation.

Note: I feel a bit awful for dedicating this to the Skam It discord because it's utterly miserable. But alas. This one's for you, pals.

When Nico wakes in his own bed there’s a short and almost perfect moment of ignorance before his brain kicks in and it all hits him like a double-barrelled shot to the gut.

You can also find it on AO3.

***

When Nico wakes in his own bed there’s a short and almost perfect moment of ignorance before his brain kicks in and it all hits him like a double-barrelled shot to the gut.

Milan.

It's like trying to piece together broken memories after an inadvisable night spent drinking. He can only remember it in flashes. Fleeting moments of distorted time. Part of him wishes he could remember it in more than bits and pieces. Part of him is glad he can’t. The weight of the shame feels crushing enough without remembering the details. He can barely stand to be in his own head. Because he remembers how perfect it was. Until it wasn't.

Maddi told him the details—as much as them as she managed to get out of Marti. Nico wishes she hadn’t. Wishes he didn’t have to have those words in his head. He wants to cry himself raw but he’s so devoid of energy that he doesn’t seem to have the capacity. He peeks his head out from under his blankets, afraid that the world might be on fire. It feels like it should be. But it isn’t.

His mum must have taken any potential sharp objects out of his room while he was sleeping -- as if he wouldn't just get up and go to the fucking kitchen if he was really determined -- because even his glass he uses for water to take his meds has been replaced by a plastic cup. Like she's child-proofing the house.

The apartment is too quiet. Nico wonders if this is what it really feels like—to be the last man on Earth. Because he is now, he supposes. Now that Marti thinks he’s broken and delusional too.

It makes him want to break skin. He’s half a heart lighter and exhausted. Tired of not being able to experience normal and universal emotions without everyone equating it to a symptom of a stupid fucking illness. Without it being twisted it into something ugly and illusory. It's enough to drive him crazy—it did drive him crazy.

Nothing about his love for Marti is ugly. Nothing about it was ever untrue. Nico wishes he could tell Marti that. He wishes Marti would believe him if he did.

He stares at the ceiling and thinks of giraffes. He thinks of Stefano Benni. La giraffa ha il cuore lontano dai pensieri. He had always loved that quote—felt it in his bones. Like someone out there finally understood that his disorder doesn’t dictate his heart. It makes him ache—that a stranger can understand but not the people he loves most.

He sleeps again because it’s the only thing he knows how to do.

***

When he next wakes, Nico sends Marti the quote. He fiddles with his phone on and off for twenty minutes or so after, waiting for the flash of a name. The tell-tale vibration against his hand. Something. Just a small thread of hope. Written proof that he hasn't completely fucked up the only real thing in his life. But it never comes. He knows it's too much to ask for. That he's too much. He tosses his phone onto his desk and tries to ignore its silence.

After another hour of shut-eye, he gets up. He wraps himself in a suit of armour made out of blankets and shuffles over to his desk. The few steps it takes to get there feel like a marathon. He checks his phone in between sketching out giraffes – some big, some small, some with a tiny Nico and Marti sitting on their back – and starts over a dozen letters. Dear Marti… No. He scrunches it up in his hands with a frown. Elio… No. Man of my dreams… No.

I love you. I’m so fucking sorry… Fuck.

He throws the pen at the wall in frustration and shucks himself back over to his bed, blankets in tow. They’re a castle now. Soft but fortified walls around him. He falls asleep in the tower.

When he blinks awake for a fourth time, Maddi is sitting in his desk chair. His walls weren’t as fortified as he thought, it turns out. She's tapping at the keyboard on her phone—sending his mum a status update, Nico presumes.

"You can tell her that I'm not planning to kill myself with broken glass," Nico says hoarsely. "Those plastic cups taste like shit."

Maddi blinks up at him, surprised. Then she frowns like she thinks he shouldn’t say things like that out loud. "She's worried about you. You put her through hell."

And there it is. The guilt-trip. The "do you have any idea how difficult this is for us?" Nico is well aware that he's a burden to live with. A canonball chained to everyone's fucking ankle and dragging them down. But he doesn't need to be reminded at every opportunity.

"How do you feel?" Maddi asks the quiet.

Nico shrugs a non-answer. He feels like porcelain covered in crazing. Like if you were to look close enough you would be able to see the spider-webbed network of fine cracks across the surface of his skin. He wonders what would happen if he were to shatter.

His mum was probably right to take away the sharp objects.

His eyes wander anxiously over to his phone still sitting on the desk. He wants to check -- wants to see -- just in case. But he can’t make himself move.

"Has Marti..." He trails off. He knows the answer.

"No," Maddi says shortly.

“Okay.” he says. And he can’t even be angry because he would leave himself too if he could.

Maddi waves her hand as if it will expel Nico’s broken heart. “It’s for the best.”

And Nico can't stand to look at her. Hates her so much that he thinks he might choke on the bitter intensity of it. Because she sent him away.

"Nico. It will pass."

"He's not a passing phase," Nico snaps, quietly angry. Too exhausted to be loud about it. "He's—"

"What then?" Maddi demands tiredly. "Let me guess. A saviour? You thought he was going to save you?"

"No." That's not it. That was never it. Nico didn't need Marti to save him, he just wanted him to—

"Love me," Nico says finally. "I thought he was going to love me."

Maddi huffs out a disbelieving laugh. "He doesn't even know the real you, Nico."

"He’s the only one who does,” Nico says. He remembers the way Marti looked at him in perfect clarity. He committed it to memory—a keepsake. He memorised Marti’s soft eyes and his unashamed smile. The way he would hold Nico in place and look at him and see him.

“He’s the only one who sees me,” he continues finally. Softly. “The real me, and not this--this fucking illness. Or at least he did.”

Maddi takes a careful breath. "I'm not even sure you know the real you right now."

"I do,” Nico argues, but he already knows it’s pointless. “It’s you who doesn’t."

And fuck, he is so completely tired of this. So tired of repeating himself and being switched off like he's a broken record. He could be standing in a crowded room screaming it at the top of his lungs until his throat bleeds and still no one would fucking listen.

"Ni—"

"Get out," he says, cold.

"Niccolò," Maddi presses.

"I said get out."

She sighs, like this is all such a chore. Like he’s a petulant child throwing a tantrum. "I told your mum I would keep an eye on you."

Nico shrugs and buries himself back under the covers. "Then you can do it from the fucking living room."

***

When Nico wakes up for the fifth time -- sixth time? He’s losing count now -- there’s a quiet stillness to the house. The kind that only settles in the small and deathly hours of the night. He clambers to switch the light on and watches as it illuminates the darkness shadow-by-shadow. There’s a package beside his bed with a pharmacy label printed on it that he steadfastly ignores. His mum must have picked up his prescription.

He looks at the space next to him—remembers Marti taking it up all those weeks ago. Remembers lying next to him and feeling the noise in his brain dim to barely audible background noise. Suddenly he can’t be in his own bed. He pulls himself out of his now-ruined castle of blankets to find somewhere safer but realises quickly that there isn’t anywhere.

His bed reminds him of soft and lazy kisses traded back and forth in the midday light. His desk of Marti valiantly trying to study while Nico played the nuisance. His sofa of marionette battles and hopeful will-we-won't-we stolen glances. His kitchen of not-really-carbonara that tasted like sweat but was theirs. It’s one suffocating reminder after the other of everything he has lost.

His mum was right to take away the sharp objects.

***

[babygirlizz]

Izzie’s Top Ten Favorite Movies of 2017 (And why I think they were good)

DISCLAIMER: THERE WILL BE MANY SPOILERS AHEAD AND PLENTY OF LANGUAGE… READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

___________________________________________

Number 10- War for the Planet of the Apes

War for the Planet of the Apes is the kind of movie that I would see is available in theaters and not even think of that being the movie that I would go see. I usually like romance and horror and this was neither, yet it still broke my heart like a romance film could. Through the funny characters that shed light on the dark (Cornelius) or the ones that shed light on the more serious matters of the film (Any other character) that showed the Apes in a prison like facility that closely resembled a concentration camp, the true hero saved the day and all of his family and friends, while not being able to save himself (and had me crying as I left the theatre)

Number 9- Get Out

Not only was Get Out a complete and utter mind fuck, it was also very enlightening. Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) thinks his girlfriends parents are just slightly racist and nervous that a black man is in their home when him and his girlfriend decide it’s time for him to meet the family, but come to find that they are not only creepily racist, but also cult psychos that are taking black people hostage and using their body’s as hosts for their equally as racist, old family members’ minds. And as Chris is trying to make his epic escape with his girlfriend Rose (Allison Williams), she’s actually in on the cult the whole time! (What a shock!)

Number 8- Beauty and the Beast

What can I say? I’m a slut for Disney and for musicals. (Even though it’s kinda gross that this young girl is in love with an animal, it’s classic). Belle is played by none other than Emma Watson (aka one of the greatest actresses of all time), who has a beautiful singing voice to go along with the perfect fit for the looks of Belle. And the cute little tea cup that makes my little heart melt! (Don’t forget Gaston.)

Number 7- IT

What is there to even complain about this movie? Richie (Finn Wolfard) is such a wonderful comedic character during this frightful time for the whole town, and alongside Eddie (Jack Dylan Grazer) it is just comedic gold. Bill Skarsgård also puts on the perfect face to portrait a wonderful Pennywise, with his own drool, lazy eye, and weird smile, he brings the whole gross/creepy side of Pennywise that actually makes you uncomfortable, in the best way possible (and for a solid month had girls actually wanting to fuck a clown.)

Number 6- Baby Driver

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, ANSEL ELGORT! Not only is he a beautiful human being, but also a wonderful actor. His character, who just so happens to be named Baby, gets into a tragic accident when he’s little and now has a constant ringing in his ears, which he drowns out with music. Now he lives with an old blind man, and does illegal things with different groups of people for money (also if you don’t get it yet, he’s the getaway DRIVER (haha get it?)). One day he just so happens to go into a diner and meet and beautiful girl and falls in love and then he puts her in danger, then he gets arrested. But they still have a happy ever after and all is well in life.

Number 5- Spider-Man: Homecoming

I mean c’mon, it’s a Marvel movie, of course it’s going to be good! Peter Parker (Tom Holland) get’s spider powers and is in love with a girl at school, who’s dad just so happens to be the bad guy that Peter has to fight. When a group of kids from his school (including himself, the girl he’s in love with, his enemy, a super witty sarcastic girl (cough mj couch), and his bestfriend) go on a trip, Peter finds himself wanting to save the day, rather than participate in the groups school activities. When he finds that his friends end up being in danger, he causes mass hysteria in the city which draws attention to his somewhat of a mentor, Tony Stark, who then takes away his Spidey suit. This shows as a major issue, when he goes to fight the bad guy, which lands the bad guy in jail, which means the love of his life has to move away.

Number 4- Everything, Everything

Maddy (Amandla Stenberg) has an illness that keeps her from leaving her house. When Maddy finds herself liking the cute boy next-door, Olly (Nick Robinson), she wishes she wasn’t sick so she could go outside to see him. Through texting, reading lips through windows, and imagining what their lives would be like if they could be together, their feelings for each other grow, and Maddy finally convinces her in-home nurse, to allow Olly inside so they can meet (on the condition that they stay on opposite sides of the room). They begin to fall in love and Maddy starts to wonder what is going to happen to their relationship, and beings to imagine Olly finding someone better. Maddy then decides that she doesn’t like the life she is living and gets a credit card online, to purchase a trip to the beach for two. When Maddy convinces Olly that it is safe for her to go, the two spend their days at the beach and falling in love, until Maddy almost dies. Maddy then gets home and gets well again, only to find out that the only reason she had nearly died was not because she was sick (because she was in-fact never sick in the first place, her mother was faking it all along) but was because she had almost never been outside, therefore had a weak immune system, and she because slightly ill. She then moves away from home and meets up with Olly again in a cute little bookshop.

Number 3- Pitch Perfect 3

I am a lover of the entire franchise of Pitch Perfect. I love all of the characters and actors in the films and love all of the friendships and chemistry on and off screen. With not only having wonderful music, but also having raw and nearly unfiltered comedy, it is a great piece of art that should be cherished.

Number 2- Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Once again, Marvel is perfect. Baby Groot (Vin Diesel) ties the whole film together with it’s cute little self and once again the Guardian save the Galaxy. After Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) meets his father for the first time, he gets sucked in to his fathers life, being a God and having his own planet, when he finds out the his father purposefully gave his mother her brain tumor, so he wouldn’t ever have to go back to earth again, and Peter is pissed, and shit goes down.

Number 1- Call Me by Your Name

Cinematic Gold. Art. The best movie I have ever seen. Set in Lombardy, Italy, in 1983. Elio Perlman’s (Timothée Chalamet) family hosts a doctoral student, by the name of Oliver (Armie Hammer) in their Villa in Italy. During the summer Elio starts to come to terms with the fact that he has feelings for the older man, while Oliver tries to throw subtle hints to the fact that, he too, likes the younger boy. Not wanting to having guilt on their shoulders, or getting caught for doing something that they should, they hold off on their romantic feelings, and become, somewhat, friends. After a trip to a grassy area on their own, they share a kiss that kickstarts their feelings for each other. With jealousy, and the fact that they are on borrowed time (six weeks to be exact) the two decide that it is time to give in and they meet at midnight, sharing the night together, and falling in love. After many awkward moments between each other, one including the notorious peach, the two realize that it is nearly time for the two to part ways, with Oliver needed to go back to America. The men share a trip together which includes drinking and kissing in the streets, and ends in Elio bidding farewell to Oliver at the train station. There is then a time skip to the Winter, where the Perlman’s get a phone call from Oliver, in which Oliver explains to Elio that he is getting married. The movies ends with a heart wrenching credit scene, with Elio sitting by the fire, showing the raw emotions and pain running through his heart, as he realizes that him and Oliver will never be together again. THIS MOVIE BROKE ME! Timothée and Armie showed themselves as being true actors, making it feel as if these two men are actually, and truly, in love.

[hillvalleyfilmsociety]

I saw three movies in the last week. They were pretty different to each other, but I quite enjoyed all of them, so I'm resurrecting my film blog to write reviews of them. To 2018, and resolutions to write more!

Call Me By Your Name (2017) Dir: Luca Guadagnino

I was very interested in this pre-release, even though I had never read the book. Luca Guadagnino caught my eye with 2015's A Bigger Splash, which is stylistically very familiar to CMBYN, and which I really enjoyed. Guadagnino shines in the aesthetic of his films, in the beautiful scenery and silences between sparse dialogue. Both create a languid, sumptuous mood - wealth and privilege on show, yet somehow not ostentatious to the viewer.

But where this mood creates distance and miscommunication between the characters of ABS, it brings the characters of CMBYN closer, creates warmth between them, bringing the viewer into Elio's extended family as easily as they welcome Oliver. The film is set over a summer in Northern Italy in 1983, and Guadagino skillfully captures the feeling of a slow, lazy summer pre-internet, where all there is for the teenaged main character, Elio (Timothée Chalamet), to do is lie around the pool swimming or reading, long family meals, piano practice or biking into town.  

Before I go any further, I have to discuss the opening credits, which go on for at least ten minutes and effortlessly set the tone for the casual opulence of the world of the film. Gentle, upbeat classical music plays over photos of classical sculptures - something that Elio's academic father and the grad student who he invites to work with him over the summer seem to be working in the field of - while the credits are written in a messy but elegant script, in a warm yellow shade. All of this somehow worked to already create the mood that pervades the rest of the film - casual wealth and intelligence, warmth and inclusion - before you even meet the Perlmans, and the beautiful villa they spend holidays in.

Some viewers might dislike watching films with wealthy people languishing in villas on holidays, but in the way that Guadagnino presents it, it's enchanting. I loved the feeling of seeing the easy, comfortable way the Perlmans (Elio's family) live on holiday, with their freshly made apricot juice and their family meals in a shaded grove. As I mentioned earlier, it creates a very welcoming vibe that helps you understand the mindset of the newcomer to this idyll, grad student Oliver (Armie Hammer).

The movie is really Chalamet's, and more on him below, but Hammer does quite well in a less showy role as Oliver - who has been invited to spend six weeks at an Italian villa working with an academic he seems to not have personally met before arriving. A great honour, clearly, but it's also awkward, and Hammer plays this slight dissonance well -  he's a non-European American (like the rest of the Perlmans) which is both exciting and awkward to the gathered family and friends of the Perlman. Hammer's Oliver is a lot of contrasts, both interested and scared/offended by Elio, both very confident towards him and very hesitant, both cool and dorky. Armie Hammer's being doing a few lower budget indie, and more off the wall projects since the Lone Ranger debacle didn't launch him into the leading man blockbuster stratosphere, and personally, I think he's much better in these than attempting to be another leading man type. (And for that matter, I am genuinely annoyed both he and Michael Stuhlbarg were passed over for Oscar noms, so they could give two to Three Billboards. It's not like Hammer would have got it, but I think he certainly deserved the nomination.)

As I said though, Chalamet is the standout - it's his story and he does a lot with it. His Elio is very reminiscent of the frustrating uncomfortableness of being a teenager - he's awkward, moody, bitter, cheeky, afraid, delicate and above all, real. What was beautiful about this film is how much everyone loves Elio - he's not always kind and good, but he is also a teenage boy - but his sexuality doesn't shut him off from other people. It's not an isolationist story, like a lot of queer film narratives are. While I can understand the urge to show that side of things, it's incredibly gratifying to see a film about a queer boy in the eighties, where if everyone doesn't know for certain they probably are aware of it in some respect, and they don't seem to care. They just love him, and Chalamet plays Elio's connections with everyone (not just Oliver) beautifully. He certainly deserves his Oscar nomination, even though he's not the favourite to win. He's also in the Oscar nominated Lady Bird, and my feeling is that (hot take alert) he's gonna be big.

Further from this, I love how tactile the characters in this film are. Elio is very cuddly and childlike sometimes with his parents, who are very affectionate to him - and no one tells him "a seventeen year old boy shouldn't do that" which is a blessing. He's very affectionate with the girls he's friends with. His later dynamic with Oliver - once they've admitted to feeling something  for each other - is very affectionate too, kind of awkward but in a sweet way. Not all their encounters are just these highly eroticised moments (which is not to say that none of them are). This makes their burgeoning relationship very real, like a seventeen year old boy fumbling his way toward a relationship that will always be meaningful, a first love more than just lust. Not that his dynamic with his sort-of girlfriend Marzia is unloving, just different, but no less sweet in its newness to the both of them.

On that note, I'm sure some people will say that there was a “lack of explicit sex scenes” in this movie. To that, I say PAH. It’s not like this movie is sanitised and sexless (hello, peach scene. yep.) It’s quite erotic in parts, quite good at conveying Elio's attraction to Oliver, and vice versa. But it feels like (unlike hetero love stories) that queer media is often all or nothing: either completely sexless, even affectionless even in a good relationship (Mitch and Cam on Modern Family didn’t even kiss on screen till like mid season two or three) or incredibly sexualised, and featuring intense sex scenes. This movie walks the rare line between the two - very affectionate (in private, natch) but allowing them the dignity of not being watched - as they always are, even by relatively benign eyes around them - in the moment of consummation. (For more on this - Jason Adams' delicate and moving review, Call Me With Kindness) It’s not even as though there are no on-screen sex acts in the film, either, so I'll say that I think it was a good, well-done balance.

If I had any slight problem with the narrative, it was that I found it hard to understand the progression of Elio and Oliver's relationship pre the mutual reveal of feelings - but that seemed to be a stylistic choice, and ABS was much the same, where the characters barely verbally communicated for a lot of the beginning arc of the film. It could be deliberately unclear- neither of them really know what the other thinks of them until they admit things together, while they're alone for once. Either way, it didn't much mar my enjoyment of their story which is emotional and complex but also very sweet.

The last thing I have to talk about is Michael Stuhlbarg, who is rapidly becoming one of my favourite actors (and who again, I am furious has not picked up any Oscar nominations for any of the great work he did in 2017). He was in two thirds of the films I saw recently, and he managed to be very moving in two small-ish roles. The scene where he tells Elio not to mock his friend and his male partner, that if he can be as knowledgeable as him and as good he'll be "a credit to him". Elio's father is a good man, and you can tell from this moment he doesn't care who Elio loves as long as he doesn't grow up boorish and ignorant. In fact, as much as the love story is engaging, my favourite scene of the file is when Elio and his father discuss Oliver after he has left. It was incredibly affecting to me - Elio's father doesn't come out and say he knew for certain about them, but refers to their "friendship" in the kindest, most respectful way, possibly even hinting about his own sexuality - not necessarily that he's closeted, but that he may have had an Oliver in his past he was too afraid to have anything happen with. Stuhlbarg is just so good, so affecting and plays really well off Chalamét, who allows Elio just the right amount of vulnerability and emotion.

Not to mention, Sufjan Stevens' two gorgeous original songs for the film, but I'll close this out by saying that there's a certain kind of idea about the kind of queer romance film that gets the Academy's attention - that it has to be sad, that the characters have to suffer and end up unhappy, and everyone can discuss how tragic it was. That sort of story is fine, because yes historically many LGBT people couldn't be open or take chances, and many did suffer. But that's not the only LGBT narrative to be told, even when set decades ago - and I'm thrilled to see films like 2016's Carol, 2017's Best Picture Winner Moonlight, and CMBYN tell a new kind of queer narrative where the characters are allowed to be happy even in an oppressive time, where the characters can break up and be miserable because of that (and not because of illness or bigoted violence), where the focus is just the love story. It gives me hope for the generation of younger LGBT viewers to see themselves outside of misery narratives.

4/5 stars

[postmoderns]

hi i got a message asking for my thoughts on cmbyn and i just wanted to address the film/book and get it out of the way (i really really do not want to engage in any discourse but)

1. the “age of consent in italy is 14″ or whatever argument is so Bad like i dont think that law means shit like if anything it should be way higher and i dont think it justifies anything

2. as much as i love the film from a cinematic standpoint, i think some stories should be left as books. the book’s first person narration makes it clear that its a story about elio’s teenage desires and how projecting himself onto his lust for oliver helps him understand things about himself. but just the way that movies are, the narrative of the movie takes you out of elio’s hormonal internal monologue and makes the object of his desires a Real Person. which then someone can describe blunty and out of context after reading a plot summary as ‘justifying a 24yr old and 17yr old relationship’. but this is elio’s story its about him

3. no one is saying such an age difference is healthy or acceptable or okay its just so accurate to be a teenager and infatuated with someone older and not being able to tell if you want them or if you want to BE them. or if you should feel ashamed for it

“it would finally dawn on us both that he was more me than I had ever been myself, because when he became me and I became him in bed so many years ago, he was and would forever remain, long after every forked road in life had done its work, my brother, my friend, my father, my son, my husband, my lover, myself.”

4. armie hammer looks far too old to be playing this role while timothee chalamet looks 17 so it makes the screencaps uncomfortable for people i get that

5. i see this film as a film made by gay creators, even if the author is straight. it was adapted/written, directed, and produced by gay filmmakers, and thats something ill get behind. 

whether you care or not i just wanted to say this because reading the book really did affect me for very personal specific reasons so thats why i didnt want to engage in the Public Discussion before but yeah if you want to talk about it my ask is open 

[csunsawyer-blog]

Call Me By Your Name (2017)

Yes, I know, this horse has been beaten to death, but this movie actually is a pretty good representation of queer sexuality. In the film, it is the summer of 1983 and Elio, a 17-year-old Jewish-American, lives with his parents in rural northern Italy. Elio's father, a professor of archaeology, invites a 24-year-old graduate student, Oliver, who is also Jewish-American, to live with the family over the summer and help with his academic paperwork. Elio, an introspective bibliophile and a talented musician, initially thinks he has little in common with Oliver, who has a carefree and exuberant personality, but soon realizes that what he thought was jealousy and resentment for Oliver actually are a different type of feelings all together. Elio discloses these feelings to Oliver and the two embark on an adventure filled summer together until Oliver must return home to America.

This movie encompasses a plethora of sexual experiences. Being a movie about two queer men and their budding relationship, one would expect the sexual factors of their connection to be somewhat censored in order to ensure nothing will offend the audience, but these expectations would be ill founded. This film explicitly reveals the sexual lives of the two main protagonists, following their battles with their own sexual desire for one another as well as the passionate collision of those desires once the two reveal their true opinions of one another. Audience members are able to witness sex scenes with fake semen, a masturbation scene involving a peach, Elio’s deep inhalation while smelling the crotch of Oliver’s shorts, the grabbing of the crotch which those shorts cover, and a whole lot of making out. Though it is about two cis, white men played by two cis, straight, white men, this movie is still considered, in my opinion, a huge step in the right direction for ending the neutering of queer people in media.