#ill honestly probably delete this in 5 minutes

[dozing--zzz]

these are @robbie-lee-zombie 's tickle questions! (sorry for the tag! ik you dont know me haha)

i thought id answer them because why not! also its a fun way for yall to get to know how i am tickle-wise since my blog is so new ☺️

1. What’s your favorite tickle tool?

honestly, just hands. but feathers and paint/makeup brushes are fun too. i just dont like the harsh/scratchy ones

2. Favorite Ler? (Tag them if you dare~)

im not super close with really anyone on here just yet, (totally feel free to change that, send me a dm lets be friends!!) so im not sure! i dont wanna tag someone i hardly know lol

3. Favorite Lee? (Tag them to call them out~)

same as #2!

4. Opinion on blindfolds/restraints? Why or why not?

not really my thing! they scare me like a lot haha. like im okay with maybeee my arms up or being pinned if i trust someone, but that's as far as ill go.

as a ler, ill pin a lee if they want it, but big bondage is still not my style. whatever the lee prefers other than that ☺️

5. A spot that gets you squealing?

this question is so cruel 🥲

lower back n back ribs

6. How long do you estimate you could last before calling mercy?

not sure. ive never been tickled for an extended period of time before, but id estimate maybe 2 minutes? before I need a break.

7. Ever have tickle fantasies?

if "fantasies" is being used non-sexually in this case, absolutely. haha i think about lots of cute little scenarios of either me tickling someone or them getting me.

8. Why did you make your tickle blog?

ive had a few before this that i abandoned, and have lurked for like 2 years since my last one, but i joined again because i love interacting with this community and having tickle friends makes me soo happy

(again, dm me!! id love to be friends)

9. Does anyone irl know of your interests?

nope! farr, far too scared haha

10. Can you say the t-word?

i think i can, ive never actually said it in front of anyone before because it never comes up, but like ive said it just fine sitting in my room or while reading aloud

11. Verbal teases, yes or no and why?

depends. some of the stuff i see is awkward and corny, i guess i would have to really experience it myself because most of what i see online doesn't appeal to me. im not sure if that would change if it was an actual interaction haha

this also is the reason i dont rp online as a lee, because its just awkward to me lol. i dont actually feel anything lol 😭

12. Upper body tickles or lower body tickles?

i like both, but probably upper body if i had to choose.

no, definitely not because my belly and back are there shush

13. Neck or ear tickles?

i dont think my ears are very ticklish, so probably neck tickles haha

14. Pinned on your back, or your stomach?

i dont think i could choose haha both make a bad spot super vulnerable 🥲

15. What do you love about the lees you know?

they're SO tooth-rottingly adorable oh my goddess. they make me wanna hold them in my lap and just gently tickle them silly you literal cutie pies.

16. What do you love about the lers you know?

one, they're also so adorable, and two, they're so nice about tickles 🥲 they make me feel so safe and nice

17. Feathers or Paint Brushes?

this question.. 🥲

i dont think i could choose i love them both

18. How long have you known about your interests in the community?

since i was young, like maybe 7-8 years old, i had that feeling about and fixation on tickling, and thats also when i became a little scared and very shy about the subject on top of being a very reserved child, and only just secretly watched yt tickle compilations in my bedroom. i didn't find out about the community until i was more like 11-12. it was huge to me since i thought i was just.. weird haha, and while i was very dumb and didn't put up proper boundaries, i engaged with tickle content for a while. when i was 14, i believe, i had this like year-long phase where i wanted to not be like that anymore, deleted tumblr, and tried to completely push it out of my life but surprise surprise haha! at 15, i started lurking again and here i am now at 17 with my current blog!

19. What’s your favorite way to be tickled? (As in provoked, teased into asking, etc.)

surprise tickles or having someone straight up ask if they can tickle me would probably be my favorites because i feel its SO cute, and also doesnt involve me asking.. also the second one usually means gentler tickles like we're cuddling on the couch or something and those aaa are for sure my favorites

20. Are you/Do you like Polite Lees or Bratty Lees? (Asking for tickles vs Pissing someone off for tickles)

i love all lees because all of you are adorable and i will never say anything different, but someone coming up to me and asking for tickles will always hold a special place in my heart because AA its so incredibly cute it makes me so happy

i myself am a polite lee, im very shy irl in general and that kind of bleeds into how i am about tickles, so while it would take like a whole day of hyping myself up and figuring out how to ask and i would almost 100% chicken out, if i could ask i would. i don't like making people mad either haha

if you have any other tickle (or just normal!) questions you want my input on, my asks are open! ask away!!☺️

[thebigqueer]

omg new year new fun tag game. ty for the tag!! this looks fun

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

49 currently but i have deleted or orphaned some so it could be more than that

2. what’s your total AO3 word count?

187454

3. what fandoms do you write for?

only riordanverse. i’ve considered writing for adventure time but i just don’t have enough passion for it

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Soft Touches in the Darkness (valgrace one shot)

moonlight (valgrace one shot)

Promise? (solangelo one shot)

Lost Voices (solangelo tartarus fic)

Secrets Uncovered in the Firelight (solangelo one shot)

5. do you respond to comments?

no cuz i’m shy 😭 but i do sometimes if someone’s comment is particularly exciting or i like a take. i do always always appreciate the comments though they make me happy <333

6. fic with angstiest ending?

hmm… i would say Bottle the World (arcane au valgrace snippet) or Flaming Eyes (leo & jason)

7. fic with happiest ending?

probably New Year, Old Beginnings (valgrace secret santa au).

8. do you get hate on fics?

no not really. & i’m thankful for that!!

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

not publicly i don’t 🤭 but if you were to look through my docs there’s probably like one sexy piece with my ocs. idk if it counts as smut cuz they don’t actually do anything... it’s just toxic lesbian horny rage nothing really happens lol

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

i don’t really but i do have an arcane au. it’s not really a crossover i just kind of made up a plot for pjo characters based on the end of arcane lol. (arcane au snippets) WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED someone once asked me to do a (crackfic) she-ra & pjo crossover but i can't find the link unfortunately...

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nah

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes but weve only posted 2 before. all the other co-written fics never got finished unfortunately

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

honestly i don't have one i think it really depends on my mood and what im reading at the moment.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

ARCANE AU 😭 MY POOR ARCANE AU IM SORRY 😭 it's not that i wont write it its just that its never going to be coming out in full its all gonna be in one shots because i have 0 energy. also i had this one "immortal" au i tried writing a while ago and i still like the concept just not the characters i used at the time but i dont think ill write it again

16. what are your writing strengths?

i write a lot (as in my word counts are high per fic) but i dont really consider it a strength because i don't think length equates to the quality of a fic. a fic is good even if its short or long, and i like short fics more beacuse i feel like im feeling just as much in a shorter amount of time but other people might prefer long fics. its about what you write about and how you do it, not about length. ive also been told im pretty good at integrating introspection with dialogue but idk.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

also plot. it's like the fics that have a really dense and thought-out plot are the ones i never get to finish cuz i get too intimmidated after i finish planning them. i'll always plan them out in bullet points and then even when im almost done planning them out i just give up at the last minute and then never get them done lol. maybe one day i'll finally write something. i think if the plot isn't too dense then it's better off

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i think it's cool. i don't think i've done it yet but maybe i will one day.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson. it was a solangelo fic in first person on wattpad 💀 WAITT SCRATCH THAT. when i was in 2nd grade me & bff at the time LOVED the rainbow magic books so i think we wrote something that was similar in plot to that. that was a banger series

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

i really liked "Stay. For Once." (lost trio fic) because it was my first time writing something for the lost trio and even though looking back i might change some things i think i really loved writing about them & thinking about their dynamic. i also really liked "Stars Bursting Across His Lips" (valgrace one-shot) not because i actually like the fic itself that much but it was really fun to write cuz i think driving on a highway at night is the sexiest most erotic most romantic thing anyone can do. i dont think i have a true favorite though.

tagging: @crushing-on-nico-di-angelo @perachel-heretic and anyone else who wants to do it. no pressure though

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @mrv3000

1. how many works do you have on Ao3? 195

2. what's your total Ao3 word count? 403 068

3. what fandoms do you write for? percy jackson and the olympians, heroes of olympus, trials of apollo, kane chronicles, magnus chase and the gods of asgard, nevermoor, her royal highness, roots of chaos, x-men (films mostly but some comic bleedover), avatar the last airbender, the legend of korra, the kyoshi novels, marvel cinematic universe, bbc ghosts, a song of ice and fire, doctor who, the locked tomb, star wars (prequels mostly), spiderman comics, rosewood chronicles, derry girls, dc (vaguely, comics)

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

rot with all the burnouts in the cell (dc marvel crossover)

oh my brother, my brother, my brother (who have you become in the wake of all that's happened?) (star wars timetravel)

breezeblocks bricking up my heart (my take on a dadneto reveal)

water into wine (five times percy was the son of dionysus and one time he was the son of poseidon)

5. do you respond to comments? i do my best

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

that's relative and i have so many fics that this probably isn't accurate but by my own measure it's probably don't want to fight the tide (nevermoor fic, being immortal sucks)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

again that's relative but i'd say there's a million roads to rediscover (pjo/hoo five times jason missed his sister, and one time he saw her again)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally i get like smarmy comments like one on a certain fic that the timeline didn't line up (it did + i had page references + it was tagged canon divergence anyway) but not really

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have one so ig lesbian threesomes??

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i write so many crossovers i love putting characters in situations. probably rot with all the burnouts in the cell since it involved a ton of drama

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i think one of them but i can't remember which one. (technically this is studying) i'm trying to translate a few of my drabbles into scots gaelic

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

in part like it got started and then i got ghosted before anything else happened

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

the couple i've written the most about is a tie between morridence, fierrochase, and jadie, but i'd say i get the most feelings about ruegard

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Great the Roman is coming up to its third year anniversary this month and i only hit the halfway point a few months ago so we'll see

16. What are your writing strengths?

lesbians. probably emotional stuff if i'm being serious

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

plot. its part of the reason i only do oneshots about 1k-3k but i'd like to work on more big fics. part of the reason was i started a bunch back in 2021 and i'm still working on two of them

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

one of my fics has some dialogue in scots gaelic but i cannot remember for the life of me if its supposed to be 'S ann or 'S e form and its haunting me

19. First fandom you wrote for?

fun fact: i originally wrote on wattpad and published a fierrochase fic on the release day of the hammer of thor. it's called fierrochase and it Sucks but it might actually be the first one ever which is fun if not slightly haunting

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

well you don't know me. but i know you it's a asoiaf time travel fic from the pov of people who don't know. i feel like i really pushed myself with characterisation on it

tagging people who i think write fic @tragedykery @lesmiserablol @oh-hush-its-perfect @thebigqueer @aphrodititi @ethannku @speedytherandom

[thermaflute]

I saw a message in my inbox that dissapeared??? I think it was about transfer credits, time management, and art school advice.

I'd call the school you want to go to and ask about credits, ask specifically about what your major requires. If you go the art program route you'll probably have way more credits transfer than art school. A lot of the gen ed classes at art school are art related, so it'll only take off like 4 classes and then you still got a ton in whatever you specialize in. But that still depends on the major. Like for me, I only had one drawing class, but 5 design classes and they all count as gen ed. Someone in Illustration or Architecture will probably have to take more. If you find out you do, see if the credits can transfer from your college and knock out what you can in regular classes and drawing.

I've never been good at time management and I often have done my work last minute but I've been somewhat taking care of everything and I'm proud of myself. My free time is like 15 minutes a day now, but im not rushing to do everything before 11:59 so its an improvement. What helped was setting a work time, but also knowing where my breaks were. Its easier for me to say ill work at 3 when i know ill have free time at 4:30. If you're a schedule person, that can be nice, if you're like me and you can't then just make a general to do list in order of when things are do, whats the hardest, etc. There's some people who are gonna say "if you manage your time its easy" and like yeah but let's be real thats not gonna happen akwjejdjsnwbs. Its a big commitment, and if you're depressed or have executive function issues its A LOT. Its not impossible though, you just have to be honest in advance about what you need to do to get by.

Don't be afraid to drop that class during add/drop. You're paying all that money don't convince yourself you gotta suffer through a professor youre getting bsd vibes from

Utilize rate my professors, but don't be super fearful of the ones with mid-tier ratings, they're often really nice but a little confusing.

Talk to your professors about any difficulties you have, your mental state or disability isn't an excuse so don't make yourself feel bad for needing to do things certain ways to be successful.

Use all your resources, you're paying to use that giant poster printer, you're paying for the fancy library, use it!

Make as much friends as possible because imma keep it real with you,,,,,its all about who you know. Yes skill and talent is great, but it honestly comes second to connections.

Don't buy supplies before class, I'm a 3rd year and like 2 of my professors have genuinely used the textbook on the supply list. They're required to put a book there, wait until class to see if you genuinely need it.

ALSO DON'T BUY THE FUCKING SUPPLIES FROM THE SCHOOL STORE. THEY'RE ROBBING YOU, THOSE COLOR PENCILS DO NOT COST THAT MUCH. That is all 😊.

I'm gonna be real, there's some wildly rich people here that are very flippant with school and they're fun to be around but don't kick it with them too hard unless you know how to manage yourself. Don't put your scholarship, money, and GPA on the line to go partying 24/7 and don't feel guilty about telling them no. If you can't afford to go to the fancy restaurant, they'll change plans if they really want you there.

On the subject of rich people, don't feel bad if you're not. Theres more people like you that are middle class or poor, the really loudly money people make it seem like you're not but trust me there's a lot of us lol.

I know I'm hypocritical because I just said I don't have free time and its hard but please make time for yourself. Ive seen so many people kill their mental state and sleep cause they're constantly working. My school has a mad high suicide rate, so please please PLEASE put yourself before school. The job will come, the people will come, that momentarily loss in a grade is not worth your mental state or life.

Im sorry that it somehow deleted?? I think that's it, send me another message if you wanna know more.

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 20

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- nothing really happened in this either? but he’s really thinking tho? next chapter more stuff will happen i promise :) idk when itll be posted because i work the next 4 days but ill try to take some time to work on it.

- thank you so so so so much for everyone who reads this and especially those who comment. honestly it means so much, you guys make me smile. you make me want to update more and faster. so thank you. thank you so so much <33

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 20 : His chapter

NIALL

When Olivia left, I waited for Maya to show up. I decided to invite her home but as I was waiting for her, I changed my mind and decided that maybe it was a mistake. I didn't want to give her the wrong impression and I also didn't want to be stuck with her. It was too late though and the more I thought about what she had done, the angrier I was getting. When the doorbell rang, I literally jumped off my couch and ran to the door.

There she was, on my porch, with a large smile gracing her lips, and it made me realize I would literally have to break her heart. I breathed in and sent her a polite smile before moving out of her way.

"Come in." I simply said as she walked inside.

Her eyes lingered on all the bags still laying in the lobby and I noticed she frowned but I just closed the door and walked past her to reach the living room. I moved my hand to show her the couch and I waited until she was sitting down to take a seat on an other couch but still close to her. We remained silent for a few minutes and I looked at her as her eyes roamed around the room.

"Where is she?" she asked without looking at me.

"Who?" I frowned.

"Olivia."

I felt surprised that she asked but I didn't know what to answer. Was that a question I was required to answer?  I shook my head slightly but she finally turned back to look at me, sending me a weird look. She looked a mix of pissed and hurt and I was not sure I really understood her reaction until she talked again.

"Before we left, you told me you wanted to be alone." she added, explaining her question. "But her stuff is in the lobby. Why did you lie to me, Niall?"

I was flabbergasted by her reaction and at the same time, I was getting pissed. I didn't understand exactly what gave her the right to act possessively with me but I was clearly beyond annoyed.

"That's why I asked you to come here."

"So you're breaking up with me? For her?"

I made a grimace and shook my head.

"Wait, what?"

i didn't understand how she came up to that conclusion and I frowned more, trying to remember the conversations we had had in the past few days. I didn't remember that seeing a girl would bring all of these problems but I knew it did. It reminded me most of the girls I used to date before and how hard it was every single time because of the friendship I had with Olivia. I used to get so many questions, get into so many arguments... I knew it would be different if my best friend was a guy but that fact that she was a girl made all of my relationships so fucking complicated.  The only exceptions were girls like Heidi, who didn't see any competition when they looked at my best friend. Perhaps that was why she was the only one I still had something going on with.

"You said you didn't feel like hanging out, yet you're hanging out with her." she repeated. "She's not only your best friend, right? She's not really dating Harry?"

I took a big breath and brought my hands to my face before rubbing my eyes. I was so tired of people expecting Liv and I to be in love, so tired to have everyone telling me how I supposedly feel, so fucking tired to argue and fight about it... I was not in the mood to repeat over and over again that we were just friends and that it wasn't anyone's place to decide for us what our relationship consisted of. Plus, I was already mad at Maya for that stupid picture she posted online and that was the only thing I wanted to address at this moment.

"I am not dating Liv, she's my best friend. You know that."

"Yea, I know that the first time we almost had sex, you left when I was half naked to go take care of her. I know that you and her are close, maybe even too close, for friends. And I know that earlier you told me you didn't want to be around people yet you invited her here."

The memory of that time, a few months ago, when we almost fucked, came back to my mind. I swallowed hard at how wrong it sounded the way she just explained it and I knew I should feel guilty but I didn't. I was fine with leaving her there and yes, maybe I had just changed my mind about wanting to have sex with her but everyone makes mistakes, right? At that moment, leaving seemed like the best solution and I couldn't pretend that running away didn’t seem like a great solution to escape this ridiculous discussion, too.

"I didn't ask you to come here to talk about Olivia!"

"I don't care, Niall, I came here to make love, but clearly now i'm not in the mood anymore."

She inhaled angrily and got up, making me do the same quickly.

"I didn't invite you here to fuck, Maya!" I let out a bit too loud. "I asked you to come here about this!"

Roughly, I brought my phone closer to her face where the picture of us was posted. Her gaze moved from mine and down to the screen of my phone before her face softened slightly, turning into a guilty look.

"I thought we were dating." she explained so low I barely heard.

Her words made me even angrier than I already was and I swallowed hard all the rude words I wanted to tell her. I was not an angry person normally but in the past few days, it seemed like everything annoyed me and I became way more impulsive than my personality normally shows.

"You know damn well we're not dating, Maya." I let out in a lower tone, trying not to sound too mad. "I said I wanted to try. I said we'd start with a date."

"We kissed, too. And held hands... I thought-"

"I know." I cut her quickly, watching her facial expression turn into sadness. What was it with me, recently? Why did I hurt everyone? "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but you need to delete this picture."

She scoffed and shook her head, avoiding my eyes and I could feel the pain emanating from her body, making my anger decline slightly. I didn't want to hurt her but at the same time, we really needed to make things clear about how we felt and what we expected from this relationship.

"Do you know how many times this picture has been liked, Niall?"

I sighed loud and rubbed my eyes again, letting out a short groan. I didn't know but I could certainly take a good guess. I was also aware that someone probably took a screenshot of it in the next few seconds after it was posted. I hadn't taken the time to look at the comments but I could bet there were many and I wasn't too sure I wanted to read.

"Take the picture off." I asked again, feeling defeated. "Or at least, change the damn caption, Maya."

It took her a while but eventually, she rolled her eyes and took her phone in her purse. I waited impatiently as she typed on her phone and with a sigh, she looked up at me.

"I deleted it."

"Thank you."

I was not sure why but it felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders and I closed my eyes. I felt lighter, like half the stress I had had just disappeared. My whole body relaxed and it's when I realized how tensed I had been. When I opened my eyes again, Maya was throwing back her phone in her purse, making sure our eyes didn't meet.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I just asked in a calmer way as she shook her head.

"Not now, Niall." she admitted, passing a hand in her hair nervously. "I need time."

"I think we need to clear up what this relationship is exactly." I insisted.

This time, she looked up right in my eyes and I knew that if looks could kill, i'd be a dead man. As I stared back at her, I realized that all these problems and fights were definitely not worth the relationship we could have and the thought made me feel guilty as shit. She stood there in front of me, extra gorgeous and fucking sexy, and I couldn't feel an ounce of regret at the thought of stopping things with her immediately. Even the way she was angrily looking at me should have been some sort of a turn on but I felt nothing and I had no idea why.

"We don't need to clear up anything, Niall." she let out harshly, putting the strap of her purse on her shoulder. "You were very fucking clear."

We stared at each other in silence for about a minute and I knew that her irritated expression hid something else, I could read it in her eyes. She expected me to say something, beg her to stay, tell her I have feelings for her... I knew it. I just didn't want to say these things and lie to her. For a few seconds, I saw sadness in her eyes but she quickly shook her head and pressed her lips together.

"Goodbye, Niall Horan."

I was almost expecting her to add something like 'I hope your dick gets bitten off by a wild animal’ but she just walked past me quickly as I stood there motionless and powerless to the whole situation. Did we just 'break up'? How can you break up with someone you weren't even dating? I shook my head to get out of my thoughts and ran behind her until the front door.

"I'm sorry!" I let out. "Are you still in for that double date?"

She stopped dead in her track and stayed without moving for a while, her back facing me, as i held the side of the door, keeping it ajar. She seemed to hesitate as I asked myself internally why the hell I had just asked that. It's not that I didn't want to try with her, it's just that clearly, we were on a different page. She wanted something steady and I just wanted to have fun.

She finally turned around slowly and I raised my eyebrows.

"!'m sure Liv and Harry are still up for it." I let out, shrugging one of my shoulders.

"But she-"

"She's my best friend." I explained a bit louder, cutting her. "Just my best friend."

I watched as her shoulders fell and she closed her eyes with a sigh. I was not sure why she wanted to try again, or why I even proposed it to her but I felt bad for hurting her and I didn't know how to make things better. The small smile she sent me proved that I did the right thing.

"Alright, call me."

The left corner of my lips raised up and I nodded.

"Sure will." I promised with a small wave.

I was a bit surprised when she blew me a kiss but I sent her a bigger smile and waited until she got in her car and drove away to get back inside and close the door behind me. I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes and leaning against the door before sighing loud. Once again, I felt like I took a wrong decision but if i wanted to be honest, it felt like a recurrent thing these day. I was trying to make Maya happy, to respect Harry and Liv's relationship, to convince everyone that Liv was just my friend and to keep all my bitter remarks to myself. I hit my head gently against the door a few times and groaned, searching for my phone in my pocket.

'I'm done. Come by whenever you want.'

I quickly hit send, not really expecting my best friend to run by my side unless it didn't go well with Harry but I still waited a few minutes against the door, trying to convince myself to move. I ended up back on the couch, laying down, scrolling through social medias when I really shouldn't. I wanted to know who had seen the picture Maya had posted and what everyone was saying but at the same time, I didn't want to.

I went back to the picture Harry had posted on instagram and my eyes caught the name of my best friend in the comments. I couldn't stop myself from reading what people had written and I felt my heart twist in my chest. I was not the kind of person to let what people say affect me but some of these comments could really put me in a bad mood, sometimes.

'Harry is dating Olivia????'

'!!!!! look how he's nuzzling her hair !!!'

'this makes me want to puke'

'I ship it!'

'I was so sure she and Niall would end up dating why is she with Harry and why is Niall with that girl?'

'IS HE DATING HER??? IS SHE A MODEL?'

'OMFG SHE'S SO PRETTY!'

'he's hot and she's hot'

'wow big surprise he's now dating a model 🙄 so predictable'

'i hope she dies'

'you guys need glasses that girl is fucking ugly'

'😭😭😭😭'

'Niall and Olivia are literally my OTP this is so fucking sad'

I blinked a few times, staring at the last comment and decided to open google to search for that term I didn't understand. Most of the reactions were not surprising but the comments about my best friend and I made my heart sink in my chest. Clearly, we were doing something wrong if everyone, including people who didn't know us, thought we had feelings for each other.

"One true pairing." I read outloud.

It took me a few seconds to realize what it meant and I cursed low, shaking my head with a sigh. After all this time being friends with Olivia, we had some random people wishing -and expecting!- us to end up together. I placed my phone on my chest and closed my eyes, trying to think of which comments seemed more off to me. The ones about me dating Maya, or the ones about me being meant to be with Liv.

I let my mind wander on some of the memories we had and it made me smile. I couldn't deny that we had amazing chemistry and that we understood each other like no one else did but at the same time, isn't it a fun part of starting a relationship? Getting to know each other? There were definitely some things I didn't know about her but I knew a whole lot and I was wondering if it would make things boring or monotone to date my best friend. There was one thing I didn't know about her but just thinking about it reminded me of my dream and I closed my eyes even tighter, trying to get rid of the images flooding my brain. There was also that time when I caught her masturbating a few days ago that seemed to appear in my mind randomly and although I had found it funny at first, now I couldn't help but wonder why the hell I remembered it so clearly and intensely.

I felt myself get harder in my pants and groaned, annoyed by how easily I was turned on. It was not like me to get hard with random thoughts, especially not about my best friend, and I sighed, passing my hand in my hair, irritated by my own behavior. I heard the doorbell ring and with a lot of effort, I jumped off the couch and walked to the door.

My heart jumped in my chest when my best friend's smiling face appeared behind it and I didn't know why. After all, I did expect her, but maybe the fact that I had been thinking about her naked only a few seconds before she got here was embarrassing me slightly.

"Oh, hey."

Her smile fell a bit and she scoffed, pushing my shoulder jokingly.

"You're the one who told me to come back here." she explained, raising her eyebrows. "I can leave if you want."

"No, no it's not you." I groaned. "Wasn't pleasant with Maya, t's'all."

I saw her frown but she took a step inside and I sighed again, turning around and walking back to the living room. I lied back down and closed my eyes again but I felt her push my legs to sit next to me.

"You're a paiiiiin in my ass." I let out dramatically but jokingly.

"But you wouldn't be happy without me."

"That's right." I confessed with a sigh, searching for her arm and pulling on it when I finally found it. "Come here."

I felt half her body laying on mine and she moved, trying to find a better way to lay with me. She ended up holding herself on my stomach and I groaned again when she hurt me a bit.

"Ouch?"

"Sorry!"

She ended up laying on her side next to me, her arm around my chest and mine around her shoulders. We remained like that for a few minutes until she finally talked.

"Is it weird that we cuddle like that?"

It took me a few seconds to understand what she said but I finally opened my eyes and turned her way, my face in her hair and a lock of it sticking to my lips. I didn't want to answer because I didn't know what to answer. I wanted to say no, and if she had asked me that a few months before, that would have been my answer. But now, everyone seemed to say that things had changed and that our friendship was not normal. Some people even wanted us to be together, which was a new thing for me and kind of hard to assimilate. I was not lying to myself and I had no idea why everyone thought so. I had a few moments of weakness where I actually lusted my best friend, big deal.

"We've always cuddled like that." I just replied, pointing out the obvious.

She looked up in my eyes and I sent her a smile. I was not sure if it was fake or not but she answered it and after a while, I tapped her arm a few times and sat up.

"Come on, I'll prepare some food for us, what do you say?"

She followed me to the kitchen and reached for the fridge, opening it and bending down to take a look inside. My eyes fluttered close and I groaned again at the sight, deciding I had been abstinent for way too long if I was about to think about sex every single time my best friend was bending down. I couldn't get hard whenever I saw some skin, I was not 16 anymore, and the whole thing sounded so juvenile that I was starting to be mad at myself.

"Pancakes night." I just said, trying to think about something else than how horny I was.

She giggled and I opened my eyes again, noticing she was holding the milk and flour in her hands. I smiled back and shrugged, not really surprised we had thought about the same thing. We started preparing everything and without any surprise again, she dropped an egg on the floor and spilled floor over it. I hated messes, that was a fact, but watching her face all white with powder as she tried to clean her mess was more endearing that I could admit.

"You're such a clumsy ass." I chuckled, bending down to help her.

"Yea, and you're an asshole." she joked, avoiding my eyes as she used a paper towel to clean the egg. It escaped her fingers and she cursed in a whisper.

"Actually, Maya said-"

"Maya can go fuck herself."

We both stopped moving at the same time, startled by her harsh words and I moved my head up very slowly to look at her. Her lips were parted and I could even swear I saw her bottom one shake slightly.

"I mean..."

Her words lingered in the air, turning the atmosphere upside down until she sighed and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I know you and her have something going on but I just, I don't know. She gives me a bad vibe."

I raised my eyebrows in shock realizing she felt for my sort-of relationship exactly what I felt for her sort-of relationship. It was weird and sad at the same time, especially that we both seemed to enjoy each other's company more.

"You and Harry give me a bad vibe too."

She looked up and her eyes met mine. I didn't know why my heart jumped in my chest again but it did and I just accepted it.

"I know."

We stayed motionless for a while but eventually, we finished cleaning and kept on cooking in silence. It's only when we sat at the table to eat that I dared to look at her. She was sitting besides me and I poured some syrup on my pancakes as she was grabbing the butter, spreading some on hers. She looked sad and I hated it. All I wanted was to see her smile again. i dipped one of my fingers in the syrup and quickly wiped it on her cheek. She held her breath as I started laughing and she finally turned to me, sending me angry eyes. I knew she wasn't really mad but the sight was hilarious and I laughed again.

"Oh hey, Liv, you’ve got something on your cheek." I chuckled, getting up. "Let me help you with it."

Quickly to make sure she didn't have time to react, I bent down and licked her cheek, making her scream in a high-pitched voice. I burst into laughter again as she rubbed her hand on her cheek. I let myself fall on my chair again and when I opened my eyes, she was smiling widely at me.

"Just for that smile, it was worth it."

Her eyes softened and her smile turned into a fond one. At that exact moment, I would have given anything to find out what was going on in her head but I just reached for her hand and squeezed her fingers.

"Come on, eat." I proposed, moving my chin her way.

She reached for the bottle of syrup and put it out of my reach, making me laugh again. I didn't want to hear about what happened between Harry and her, and I didn't want to tell her about Maya and I's conversation. All I wanted was to spend time with her, pretending no one else was important. I just wanted to pretend things were exactly the way they were a few months ago because If I wanted to be honest, that's precisely how I thought things should be: me, her, and no one else.

[the-accidentals]

Chapter 1

Laura walked in through the door of her shoddy apartment, the lights flickering on as she slumped down on her stained sofa, she wanted to order takeaway but knew she didn't have the money, life was way to expensive and this week had been a pile of horse shit if any one had been, her car was in the garage after it broke down a couple days ago, the bill was so high she would need to not eat for a month. Before getting off shift today she had seen a family of five burn, only 2 getting out alive, a baby and the father. She tried to not let her job get to her but fighting fires was the easiest part, watching the families as they realise that not everyone made it is the worst, you can feel the guilt in the air. We are trained to move on, you can't take every death personally or it kills you from the inside but whenever i see a family torn apart so abruptly the worry stays on my heart, seeing happy families destroyed was definitely the worst part of her job but laura still loved the job and everyone struggles with it so she just tries to leave the worry at work,but today it followed her home, there was just something about today, the fire had started in the oldests room, probably faulty electrics, she was barely out of primary school, just starting to think she was a grown up, it had already killed the middle kid by the time anyone realised and the mother just breathed in to much smoke, it was come and go for a bit but in the end she didn't even make it to the hospital. A happy family reduced to two, a morning father and a 2 month old girl, how she survived I don't know. All that innocence and such young lives torn away so quickly.

Laura stood up shaking her head, it's not good to stay focused on the bad things, noodles and beer and an early night and she can sort everything else out in the morning.She has parents she can beg for money,they won't be happy but they wont let her starve,she just wishes she didn't have to call. For tonight she resigned herself to the sofa with a bottle of cheap beer and some veg noodles, strolling through the internet. Eventually the sun was long gone and the shame came creeping back, she was sitting here running from her responsibilities with beer, noodles and a blanket around her, just trying to hide away on the internet, she was a grown woman, an adult. She closed down reddit and opened her emails, this was an adult thing, she could clear her inbox. Ad,ad,ad,scam,ad,ad, important thing she should of replied too, she was trying to be grown up but that was slightly too grown up, ad, bank statement, don't want to look at that, oh nice easy one, the unit chief is trying to set up a quiz night, he needs to know when i'm free, i can do that. After a couple minutes of checking her calendar, which was embarrassingly empty she had formed an adult but chill response. There! She had been an adult, she had written an email and deleted a few more. She scanned over the rest hoping they could wait a few more days until a quiet moment at work, one caught her eye, an email from a trial company, she did a couple of studies a few years back to get some extra cash and extra cash was just what she needed, she looked into it, it was a medical study looking into a mental health drug, they needed people with diagnosed mental illness so she knew she would fit right in. Drug trials were not her thing but the pay was pretty good, two injections a week, £50 each, it lasted 12 months but you could leave whenever, just under £5,000 for the whole year, she probably wouldn't hang on that long but long enough that she could fix her beat up honda and still eat. Honestly how could she resist? The testing facility was a 15 minute walk away from the fire station as well. Fuck me if was perefect, no nagging from anyone about “being an adult” and “looking after your finances”. Laura finally went to bed that night, slightly tipsy, exhausted but slightly less stressed.

Laura had 2 days until she got paid and she had her first appointment for the trial today, it was a rolling study so there was no set start date. She had promised steve, the mechanic down the road, that he would get paid the bill as soon as she got paid so that he would carry on working with no money upfront, to be honest he totally owned lorna one, she had set him up with an ex of hers about a year back and she had never seen him happier. She walked up to a little privately owned clinic that she had never noticed before, it was smart but felt way to clinical, the lights were so bright it burnt and like all of these places the smell of cleaner was so strong you could taste it, she popped her phone into the pocket of her oversized jacket as she came to the front desk, the lady at the desk looked he up and down, I suppose she didn't really look like she belonged, it didn't look like a cheap sort of place.” hi i'm here for the trial, umm laura burmwell” laura muttered into the ground,she hated reception staff, they always seemed super judgy and this lady was no different, she tapped away at her screen for a few very awkward moments and sighed, pointing me to a section of chairs near the back. Pulling her earphones out she landed in a seat.

“Dont worry she wasn't very nice to me either” a voice chucked next to her, a small grinning woman sat there tapping on her phone, laura smiled back, she was gorgeous, long black hair down to her waist, out shining laura’s dirty blonde mess any day.

“ I’m glad she doesn't just hate me” Lorna joked, internally panicking. Why is such a cute woman actually talking to me? She suddenly felt amazingly underdressed, she was sat next to a stunning women who was clearly ready to go to work in a nice yellow dress and a jacket and she is there look like a gay hobo, hair up in yesterdays bun and a t shirt that has dinosaurs on it, at she is wearing smartish jeans. “I’m laura, are you here for the study?” she smiled.

“Preet, yeah, i'm hoping they can cure the fuckery going on in my head before the end of it” she chuckled but I could see the blush forming over her skin as she processed what she had said, Laura just snorted, tapping her leg on the linoleum floor, trying to think of something to say, her mind in overdrive.

“ nervous?” Preet questioned.

“i just haven't been in a drug trial for years, what if I grow four heads or something?” She joked, Preet actually burst out laughing, tears starting to form in her eyes, which got Laura laughing too, they just sat there trying to hide there laughter from the rest of the very serious looking members of the waiting room, finally after about 5 minutes they both calmed down enough to speak, laughter still glistening in their eyes.

“ but seriously these drugs will of been tested for years before it gets to these sorts of tests, its perfectly safe, they are just proving it and checking out side effects, im sure you wont grow any more heads.” At that moment Preets name was called over the speaker system, Secretly both of them were hoping they had been forgotten about so they could sit here and chat all day but neither of them said it.

“See you later Laura” Preet called as she picked up her stuff and started to follow the now waiting nurse.

Lorna went back to her music, trying to pull a stupid grin off her face.

1941- September 5th

I walked into surgery, on the bench was the patient, a young soldier, barley 19. He was burning up. Nurse Weber was standing there, trying to cool him down while setting up. He had a gun wound that was starting to get infected and the bullet had yet been removed. We set to work, removing infected tissue and finding bits of the shattered bullet but further we got the more futile it became, he kept losing blood and nothing we could do would keep his temperature down, he was pretty much dead in front of us. The nurse looked up, exhaustion in every wrinkle in her face, defeat in her eyes, im sure she had been on duty when he came on, over 10 hours earlier. With an air of defect I started sawing him up, giving him a dose of penicillin and covering the wound with gauze. I doubt he would make the night but we had tried. I removed my bloodied gloves and left. Hoping to be able to rest now. My eyes started over at the dying children and men who fill the halls. when will the war end, when will the suffering stop, have not enough died for the righteous cause? I started towards the boards, I was still on duty for another few days before I could head home. As i passed through the corridors i passed a officer asking about his son, every has someone fighting in this war to end all wars, he came to a halt in front of me desperately asking for his sons conduction, i had treated him when he first got brought in, he was going to make it but he no longer had a left leg, a bomb had hit near trench and had impaled his leg. As he quickly dismissed me, relief clear on his face, you could clearly see the shine on his Swastika pin. “Heil Hitler” I murmured as he marched away into the chaos

This is the first part of a longer story and my first time doing any serious writing, any advice welcome! I know it isn't perfect but I tried so I hope you enjoy it xx

[wuzzybear]

The Accidentals- A bad fucking week. part 1

A group of broke adults join a medical trial hoping for some easy cash but instead get a lot more than what they wanted. There is something bad at play and they need to work it out if they ever want to be normal, not that they were normal before.

 Laura walked in through the door of her shoddy apartment, the lights flickering on as she slumped down on her stained sofa, she wanted to order takeaway but knew she didn't have the money, life was way to expensive and this week had been a pile of horse shit if any one had been, her car was in the garage after it broke down a couple days ago, the bill was so high she would need to not eat for a month.  Before getting off shift today she had seen a family of five burn, only 2 getting out alive, a baby and the father.  She tried to not let her job get to her but fighting fires was the easiest part, watching the families as they realise that not everyone made it is the worst, you can feel the guilt in the air. We are trained to move on, you can't take every death personally or it kills you from the inside but whenever i see a family torn apart so abruptly the worry stays on my heart, seeing happy families destroyed was definitely the worst part of her job but laura still loved the job and everyone struggles with it so she just tries to leave the worry at work,but today it followed her home, there was just something about today, the fire had started in the oldest’s room, probably faulty electrics, she was barely out of primary school, just starting to think she was a grown up, it had already killed the middle kid by the time anyone realised and the mother just breathed in to much smoke, it was come and go for a bit but in the end she didn't even make it to the hospital. A happy family reduced to two, a morning father and a 2 month old girl, how she survived I don't know. All that innocence and such young lives torn away so quickly. 

 Laura stood up shaking her head, it's not good to stay focused on the bad things, noodles and beer and an early night and she can sort everything else out in the morning.She has parents she can beg for money,they won't be happy but they wont let her starve,she just wishes she didn't have to call.  For tonight she resigned herself to the sofa with a bottle of cheap beer and some veg noodles, strolling through the internet. Eventually the sun was long gone and the shame came creeping back, she was sitting here running from her responsibilities with beer, noodles and a blanket around her, just trying to hide away on the internet, she was a grown woman, an adult. She closed down Reddit and opened her emails, this was an adult thing, she could clear her inbox. Ad,ad,ad,scam,ad,ad, important thing she should of replied too, she was trying to be grown up but that was slightly too grown up, ad, bank statement, don't want to look at that, oh nice easy one, the unit chief is trying to set up a quiz night, he needs to know when i'm free, i can do that. After a couple minutes of checking her calendar, which was embarrassingly empty she had formed an adult but chill response. There! She had been an adult, she had written an email and deleted a few more. She scanned over the rest hoping they could wait a few more days until a quiet moment at work, one caught her eye, an email from a trial company, she did a couple of studies a few years back to get some extra cash and extra cash was just what she needed, she looked into it, it was a medical study looking into a mental health drug, they needed people with diagnosed mental illness so she knew she would fit right in. Drug trials were not her thing but the pay was pretty good, two injections a week, £50 each, it lasted 12 months but you could leave whenever, just under £5,000 for the whole year, she probably wouldn't hang on that long but long enough that she could fix her beat up Honda and still eat. Honestly how could she resist? The testing facility was a 15 minute walk away from the fire station as well. Fuck me if was perfect, no nagging from anyone about “being an adult” and “looking after your finances”. Laura finally went to bed that night, slightly tipsy, exhausted but slightly less stressed.

Laura had 2 days until she got paid and she had her first appointment for the trial today, it was a rolling study so there was no set start date. She had promised Steve, the mechanic down the road, that he would get paid the bill as soon as she got paid so that he would carry on working with no money upfront, to be honest he totally owned Laura one, she had set him up with an ex of hers about a year back and she had never seen him happier. She walked up to a little privately owned clinic that she had never noticed before, it was smart but felt way to clinical, the lights were so bright it burnt and like all of these places the smell of cleaner was so strong you could taste it, she popped her phone into the pocket of her oversized jacket as she came to the front desk, the lady at the desk looked he up and down, I suppose she didn't really look like she belonged, it didn't look like a cheap sort of place.” hi i'm here for the trial, umm.. Laura Burmwell” Laura muttered into the ground,she hated reception staff, they always seemed super judgy and this lady was no different, she tapped away at her screen for a few very awkward moments and sighed, pointing me to a section of chairs near the back. Pulling her earphones out she landed in a seat. 

“Don’t worry she wasn't very nice to me either” a voice chucked next to her, a small grinning woman sat there tapping on her phone, Laura smiled back, she was gorgeous, long black hair down to her waist, out shining Laura's dirty blonde mess any day.

 “I’m glad she doesn't just hate me” Lorna joked, internally panicking. Why is such a cute woman actually talking to me? She suddenly felt amazingly under dressed, she was sat next to a stunning women who was clearly ready to go to work in a nice yellow dress and a jacket and she is there look like a gay hobo, hair up in yesterdays bun and a t shirt that has dinosaurs on it, at she is wearing smartish jeans. “I’m Laura, are you here for the study?” she smiled. 

“Preet, yeah, i'm hoping they can cure the fuckery going on in my head before the end of it” she chuckled but I could see the blush forming over her skin as she processed what she had said, Laura just snorted, tapping her leg on the linoleum floor, trying to think of something to say, her mind in overdrive.

“Nervous?” Preet questioned.

 “i just haven't been in a drug trial for years, what if I grow four heads or something?” She joked, Preet actually burst out laughing, tears starting to form in her eyes, which got Laura laughing too, they just sat there trying to hide there laughter from the rest of the very serious looking members of the waiting room, finally after about 5 minutes they both calmed down enough to speak, laughter still glistening in their eyes.

“ but seriously these drugs will of been tested for years before it gets to these sorts of tests, its perfectly safe, they are just proving it and checking out side effects, I’m sure you wont grow any more heads.”  At that moment Preet’s name was called over the speaker system, Secretly both of them were hoping they had been forgotten about so they could sit here and chat all day but neither of them said it. 

“See you later Laura” Preet called as she picked up her stuff and started to follow the now waiting nurse. 

Lorna went back to her music, trying to pull a stupid grin off her face. 

1941- September 5th

I walked into surgery, on the bench was the patient, a young soldier, barley 19. He was burning up. Nurse Weber was standing there, trying to cool him down while setting up. He had a gun wound that was starting to get infected and the bullet had yet been removed. We set to work, removing infected tissue and finding bits of the shattered bullet but further we got the more futile it became, he kept losing blood and nothing we could do would keep his temperature down, he was pretty much dead in front of us. The nurse looked up, exhaustion in every wrinkle in her face, defeat in her eyes, I’m sure she had been on duty when he came on, over 10 hours earlier. With an air of defect  I started sawing him up, giving him a dose of penicillin and covering the wound with gauze. I doubt he would make the night but we had tried. I removed my bloodied gloves and left. Hoping to be able to rest now. My eyes started over at the dying children and men who fill the halls. when will the war end, when will the suffering stop, have not enough died for the righteous cause? I started towards the boards, I was still on duty for another few days before I could head home. As i passed through the corridors i passed a officer asking about his son, every has someone fighting in this war to end all wars, he came to a halt in front of me desperately asking for his sons condition, i had treated him when he first got brought in, he was going to make it but he no longer had a left leg, a bomb had hit near trench and had impaled his leg. As he quickly dismissed me, relief clear on his face, you could clearly see the shine on his Swastika pin. “Heil Hitler” I murmured as he marched away into the chaos.

This is my first attempt writing, please tell me how to improve! this is the first part of a longer story.

[caws5749]

This took SO LONG thanks @natthisback

1: Name Madison

2: Age 21

3: 3 fears spiders, not becoming a doctor, becoming like my parents

4: 3 things i love marvel movies, my blanket (whoops), and scrunchies

5: 4 turn ons compliment me, be chivalrous, (idk if this means sex turn on too or not but) moaning my n- ANYWHO uh and the last one definitely like showing you want me

6: 4 turn offs someone who only talks about themselves, being like wishy washy, being arrogant/cocky, complaining about the same things

7: my best friend that would be shea @cloversofshea

8: sexual orientation lesbian

9: my best first date okay SO this like isn’t a first date but it was my first like nicer dinner date so I’m gonna count it. It was just this past weekend actually and i just i loved it so much it was amazing

10: how tall am i 5’2

11: what do i miss honestly, feeling like i was good at things

12: what time were i born 11:14am

13: favorite color purple, although it’s slowly been turning to like a baby light pink

14: do i have a crush yes yes i do and i likes her a lot

15: favorite quote “Truth is a matter of circumstance. It’s not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.”

16: favorite place Chicago or New York City

17: favorite food SALMON

18: do i use sarcasm yes, but i feel like i don’t use it as much as i used to

19: what am i listening to right now Christmas pop playlist on Spotify

20: first thing i notice in new person whether they only talk about themselves

21: shoe size 8 or 8.5

22: eye color blue

23: hair color right now, it’s a brown that goes to blond at my ends

24: favorite style of clothing so if this means like fav style to wear daily, definitely athleisure. If it means in general, i love love love preppy looks? But not super preppy.

25: ever done a prank call? Absolutely, many times

27: meaning behind my url i explain this in my about me page (linked in bio!)

28: favorite movie captain America winter soldier

29: favorite song i don’t really have favorite songs but rn it’s prob December night by Michael buble

30: favorite band i don’t really have fav bands

31: how i feel right now it’s really hot in here, so warm. I feel okay

32: someone i love i love lots of people but ill stick with @cloversofshea

33: my current relationship status I’ve answered this so many times literally just look at the ask game tag

34: my relationship with my parents um yikes

35: favorite holiday Halloween

36: tattoos and piercing i have i have 6 tattoos! “Breathe” on my right inner ankle, a heart on left shoulder, heart w equal sign in it behind right ear, basically an ecg on my left inner ankle, Aquarius symbol on right bicep, and caws 5749 on my left side. And my ears are pierced.

37: tattoos and piercing i want definitely the black widow symbol in the same place Scarlett got her og6 tattoo, an amino acid tattoo that spells out “wah” , definitely more little tattoos! And maybe more ear piercings idk

38: the reason i joined tumblr so, I’ve had a tumblr for many many years. I originally joined bc my best friends at the time had them, and i was like sure! Ive deleted that personal blog since, and started my new personal blog a few years ago. I also have a studyblr that i started i think back in high school, and i just started this blog back in the end of July!

39: do i and my last ex hate each other no, I’d say far from it bc i likes her a lot

40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts yes from her and i fucking love it, it used to be a bigger thing almost every day and i loved it

41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted lmao no and for those who were wondering it is @cloversofshea

42: when did i last hold hands LMAO WITH @michelinaamour WHEN I WAS STUMBLING HOME DRUNK IN HIGH HEELS

43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning it depends, anywhere from ten minutes to an hour and a half

44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days no! I am super lucky and have really light colored hairs on my legs and so i dont’ have to shave very often. Also i just want to say that i personally love shaving my legs and it is my choice to do so.. girls, you do not need to shave!!

45: where am i right now so i started answering this in the research lab, but i am currently sitting at one of the dining places on campus finishing it

46: if i were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me LMAO DEFINITELY @michelinaamour because she’s done it ALREADY FOR ME MULTIPLE TIMES

47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level it depends, in car trips, definitely blast it. But just driving around or listening in doors, definitely reasonable level

48: do i live with my mom and dad nope i live with @michelinaamour

49: am i excited for anything yes, I’m excited for lots of things. I get excited easily

50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to no. I used to

51: how often do i wear a fake smile this is a really interesting question. I don’t consider smiles i give to random people like ordering food or something to be fake, so i would say fake smiles are when I’m not okay and trying to hide it. Which happens less often now bc I’m just much happier of a person

52: when was the last time i hugged someone I think it was @michelinaamour two days ago but i think i hugged @cloversofshea that day too so

53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me I’d be heartbroken tbh

54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not yes, certain adults in my life

55: what is something i disliked about today my hair won’t do what i want it to :(

56: if i could meet anyone on this earth who would it be probably Chris Evans or Scarlett Johansson

57: what do i think about the most tumblr and everything with that, or probably her or school stuff definitely

58: what’s my strangest talent i don’t think i have any lol

59: do i have any strange phobias yes definitely haha, I’m terrified of stepping on worms

60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it i think a few years ago i would have said behind, but honestly I think I’d love to be in front of the camera now

61: what was the last lie i told i actually don’t know. Maybe this past weekend as to like the fact that i was going out on a date instead of just going out with a friend

62: do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online I’d say talking on the phone bc then they cant’ see me lmao

63: do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

64: do i believe in magic? Yes, or at least, that’s what i tell myself

65: do i believe in luck yes

66: what’s the weather like right now snowy!

67: what was the last book I’ve ever read The Butchering Art, it’s about the history of surgery

68: do i like the smell of gasoline omg yes yes yes yes yes yes

69: do i have any nicknames yes, madz, madi, girl who lives by the kitchen, queen (a new one) and clown (also a new one) thanks @natthisback

70: what was the worst injury I’ve ever had back in freshman year of college, i did something stupid and my foot swelled up like hell and hurt so bad. There were no fractures detected but the swelling stayed for a really long time, as well as the bruising and pain, and it never returned to normal

71: do i spent my money or save it SPEND IT BABY

72: can i touch my nose w my tongue no I’m not that talented

73: is there anything pink in 10 ft from me. Hmm part of my backpack? And my rings are pinkish bc they are rose gold. Oh and my scrunchie is pink, as well as my iPad

74: favorite animal cat

75: what was i doing last night at 12am i was still at work In the emergency room!

76: what do i think satan’s last name is uh honestly Jim lmao (it’s demons Jim! @cloversofshea )

77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it so good by dove Cameron

78: how can you win my heart suggest we watch a marvel movie, and I’m prob straight up in love. There are other things too but they’re pretty general, like compliment me, show you want me ya know

79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone haha, as a joke, “so realy its very thing. Just to keep everyone guessing.” But idk something funny

80: what is my favorite word i have no idea, maybe like sophisticated or something like that or aesthetic , champagne is a good one too

81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr ooh! Okay so @markiplier @lesbian-deadpool @americasass-romanoff @lesbianmariahilll @shining-rey-of-sunshine but i love so so so so so many more, and i have a lot of top blogs

82: if the whole world were listening to me right now what would i say fuck trump also I’m gay as hell and I’m growing tired of hiding it from people

83: do i have any relatives in jail not that i know of

84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegatables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super power of my choice! What is that power lmao this question is great. Prob same powers as Wanda

85: what would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on any weird fetis- JUST KIDDING. Do you still think about them?

86: what is my current desktop picture so on my laptop, it’s fall flowers. But since that’s broken af, i use my iPad and that background is one of the apple ones. It’s just a beach idk why but I’ve never changed it

87: had sex WHY IS THIS IN EVERY SINGLE ASK GAME WTF

88: bought condoms nope i am gay as hell bye

89: gotten pregnant nope i am gay as hell bye

90: failed a class nope, definitely come close though

91: kissed a boy yes

92: kissed a girl yes

93: have i ever kissed somebody in th rain honestly, probably at some point, but I’ve never had one of those romantic kisses in the rain. I really really want to though and i think about it a lot

94: had job yeah, I’ve had three true jobs

95: left the house without my wallet probably

96: bullied someone on the internet no bc I’m not a fucking douche

97: had sex in public not yet

98: played on a sports team yeah, played softball and basketball in middle school

99: smoked weed yeah, but i didn’t get high

100: did drugs nope

101: smoked cigarettes nope, i think i asked drunk once if i could smoke, but my friend was like “really?” And i was like uhhhhhh just kidding haha

102: drank alcohol lmao i drink fucking all the time i mean. I literally have drunk writing nights , I’m drinking tonight too

103: am i a vegetarian/vegan i was a vegetarian for a while, and then an aspiring vegan, and then vegetarian, and then pescatarian now!

104: been overweight no

105: been underweight yes

106: been to a wedding yeah, but like not for a long time. I was like 4 and the flower girl. Oh WAIT. Does playing a wedding count? I played cello at a wedding so i was there???

107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight hell yeah, how would i function not doing this with class and relaxing

108: watched tv for 5 hours straight lmao definitely

109: been outside my home country yeah

110: gotten my heart broken yeah

111: been to a professional sports game yeah. I don’t really do sports though , so when i go it’s usually in suites and I’m just there for the food

112: broken a bone nope!

113: cut myself this is...a. Really deep question but bc i want to be able to speak about mental health on here, the answer is yes.

114: been to prom yes! I went to my junior and senior proms!

115: been in airplane too many times

116: fly by helicopter no, I’m not sure if i want to do this or not

117: what concerts have i been to I’ve been to lots. So first off, I’ve been to hundreds of classical concerts (and performed in them). As for pop, Bruno mars twice, maroon five like three times. Selena Gomez. Josh groban. American authors. Definitely others that i don’t remember

118: had a crush on someone of the same sex yes I’m fucking gay

119: learned another language so if this means fluent, no. I took a decent amount of French and am learning Russian right now!

120: wore make up absolutely. When i choose to wear makeup, its because i fuckign love makeup haha. Most days I’m lazy though and like to let my skin breathe and be natural

121: lost my virginity before I was 18 no

122: had oral sex yeah

123: dyed my hair many times

124: voted in a presidential election okay i think so but honestly can’t remember. But I’m pretty sure i did.

125: rode in an ambulance no and i never want to.

126: had a surgery no and i never want to haha. Well i cant say that. Depending on how my life plays out, I might freeze my eggs or something.

127: met someone famous yes, several I think, but probably Henry winkler was the one I remember most.

128: stalked someone on a social network yeah

129: peed outside nope don’t think so and definitely don’t want to

130: been fishing yes I have been ice fishing and regular fishing

131: helped w charity i have!

132: been rejected by a crush I’ve been not liked back but i don’t think I’ve ever made like a move on a crush and been rejected

133: broken a mirror ooh i don’t think i have actually

134: what do i want for birthday nothing bc i dont’ like my bday

[justisaisfine]

God i love french

Virgil laid on his bed, with Remy on the floor beside him, tallkng about whatever it is they do.

Remy looked at Virgil, and after a few momwnts of silence, begins to speak French.

“tu sais combien je t'aime? comment j'aime tout de toi? J'adore la manière dont tes yeux s'illuminent de joie quand tes frères sont heureux ou que tu écris la chanson parfaite lryic, ou joue une nouvelle mélodie à la guitare. J'aime la façon dont vos cheveux ont tendance à tomber dans votre visage, mais cela ne compte pas pour vous. J'adore ce que je sais de toi à propos de toi mais si peu, parce qu'il y a des choses que je ne devrais pas savoir, et c'est bon, et ce que je sais est celui que je veux, celui qui est juste devant moi. J'adore la façon étonnante dont ta voix sonne, mais je veux honnêtement te faire taire en t'embrassant tellement, parce que tu es adorable quand tu parles de te faire aimer, que je veux embrasser ces lèvres qui font un kilomètre par minute. oh dieu virgil je t'aime, je veux te serrer dans mes bras et t'embrasser et te câliner et être à toi. J'aime votre détermination, votre désir de faire ce que vous pouvez, comment vous protégerez ceux que vous aimez et ce que vous aimez de toutes vos forces. j'aime comment, même si je les hais, vous connaissez tous les mèmes et comment vous m'avez aidé à comprendre, vous êtes là pour moi et m'aidez et je veux juste vous prendre par la main et vous embrasser et vous embrasser votre nez et votre front et vos joues et partout! tu es mon.” Remy said

Virgil nods at him.“ditto, coolio. Down with the person who took away that one special coffee.”

Remy laughed.“im glad you dont know French, its fun.”

Virgil said.“ok look, i heard my name, I think you said meme at one point, and that was it. What did you say?”

Remy smirked.“just stuff about Starbucks.”

Viefil nods and held up his phone. It was on a recording app.“cool, then ill just ask Logan or Dee to translate this for me.”

Remy tackled Virgil, trying to get his phone.“nope no delete it!” He was blushung. He could NOT let Virgil heard that in English. No way! Logan might keep it a secret, but there is about a 25 percent chance he won’t. Dee? Depends on his mood. Will either make up a lie, tease Virgil, tell him. Or worse. Teach Virgil French.

Virgil laughs below Remy who finally manages to wrestle the phone out of his hands and delete the recording.

Virgil smirked.“no need to get so defensive over coffee.”

Remy blushed but shrugged.“like i said, it’s dumb. Plus I said about ten curse words and if roman found out, i wouldnt be aloud back.” He lied.

After Remy deleted the audio file, he took a second to observe what was going on.

He was straddling virgil’s hips, with Virgil in a opened ripped hoodie, messy hair and skinny jeans below him.

And Remy was about 5 inches from his face.

This wasnt good. Not good at all.

But oh so perfect.

If he did it now, it would be a quick kiss, maybe he could blame gravity and say it was an accident when he went to get up if virgil didnt respond well.

Yeah thats it. He would adjust so it seemed like he is getting off, he would press his lips to virgil’s for a second, maybe slightly longer, but still short enough to be an accident. He would sit up quick and get off him saying, ‘hey sorry, I Miller’s and if Virgil was just wanting to be friends, he would ingore it, if he wanted to be more well…maybe remy wouldnt have time to get off him.

But before Remy could put his plan into action, the bedroom door swing open.

“Virgil, Remy! We put on treasure planet! Oh?” Patton stood at the door, way, Remy sat up,“I was just after his phone is all!” He got off Virgil, wishing he had kissed him instead of thinking of what to do.

Patton giggled.“no need to get defensive Remy! I trust you.” Remy believed Patton, but there was that hidden…warning to his voice,

Virgil sat up.“ah cool, treasure planet yas!” And left hisbroom.

Parfon smled once it was just him and Remy.“now Remy, if you just confessed, i might not have ruined your moment.” He giggled. Remy blushed. He wasn’t …thAt….obvious, was he?

“Im sure you two would be so cute together! But if you break virgil’s heart apart…well, your relationship wont be the only thing that is over!~” and Patton skipped off to movie night.

Remy was thoroughly terrified.

—–

After Remy left, Virgil gushed to his brothers.“so i recorded him cause he was ranting and honestly he could probably say he took over China and kissed the warts on a pig and it would sound romantic. So i record him to tease him and I thought i would ask logan or dee later, maybe use google translate if im desperate. He tackled md onto the bed- calm,down Roman, not in a bad way- and he is trying so hard and related the recording. Said he cursed, but he taught me all the French curses- so i can avoid them Roman, not use them! Haha…ha- anyways! and he is sitting on my lap and oh his his face was so close. I should have kissed him! But then i might have ruined our friendship but i might have made it a relationship but then..just…feelings.” Hs sighed

Meanwhile, dee was on the phone listening to reny rant after almost kissing Virgil.

—–

This is what i typed into google translate 

do you know how much i love you? how i love everything about you? i love the way your eyes light up in joy when your brothers are happy, or you write the perfect song lryic, or play a new melody on the guitar. i love the way your hair tends to fall in your face, but it doesnt matter to you. i love how i know so mu h about you but so little, because there are things i shouldnt know, and that is ok, and the you i know is the one i want, the one who is right here in front of me. i love the amazing way your voice sounds, but i honestly want to shut you up by kissing you so much, because you look adorable when you talk about someehing you love, that i want to kiss those lips that go a mile a minute. oh god virgil i love you, i want to hug you and kiss you and cuddle you and be yours. i love your determination, your desire to do what you can, how you will protect who you love and what you love with all your might. i love how, even if i hate them, you know every meme out there, and how you helped me figure out me, you are there for me and help me out and i just want to take you by the hand and kiss you and kiss your nose and forehead and cheeks and everywhere! you are my world and my sunshine, my moon and my universe, you are everything, and i crave to tell you in english but you understand english and i am afriad of rejection

@sockpansy AHHHHH THIS IS SO SO SO GOOD WTHECKY Remy is so so smooth when he wants to;; b o i speak up boi

（。≖ิ‿≖ิ）Remy please get your mind out the gutter

(google translate has gotten better since the last time i used it hahahah it still automatically translates you to vous which wouldnt be the correct this for remy to use in this (he’d use Tu instead or vous since Virgil is close to him and also not 80 years old hahaha)

[freakadr0id]

The Magicians 4x13

Okay so, I can’t sleep at all. To be honest, I’ll probably end up deleting this later, since it’s 2am as I am typing this up on the shitty Tumblr app and I honestly don’t know how coherent this will actually be. There’s just a bunch of emotions swirling around in my brain and in my heart that refuse to shut up. This episode is quite literally keeping me up at night. I’m hoping that if I vent into the void, then perhaps I’ll be able to get some sleep.

Yeah, you know what this is ultimately about, but let’s back up for a second and focus on the season itself first.

This season was, as I’ve mentioned before, all over the place in terms of pacing. The first 6 episodes were really strong, but started falling apart afterwards. We got an interesting premise in the first two episodes with the main characters under magical witness protection and having completely different memories and personalities. 4x03 - 4x05, although perhaps not the most plot driven episodes, gave me some of my character moments of the whole season. 4x06 was a nice step on track in terms of plot, but started the slip in terms of pacing and conflict. After 4x06 though, I feel like things really just started to get lost. The connection between the monster and the library wasn’t built up well, and the bombshell reveal of the monster’s sister and the Christopher Plover moments kind of made the whole second half of season 4 have a sort of ‘jump-the-shark’ feel to it. And then came the season finale.

This episode was, for the lack of a better term, a bit of a mess, and was ultimately indicative of the problems that plagued the second half of the season. Too many plots were resolved too quickly and with not enough pay off. First, the monsters were both trapped and defeated rather easily, with the monster’s sister being trapped within the first minute of the episode (making her appearance in the show all but pointless), and Monster Eliot being trapped using a basic bait and switch tactic. Then, Julia becomes “normal” (a decision she doesn’t even make and an event we don’t actually see on screen) and is unable to do magic, which is of itself an unsatisfying end to the whole goddess Julia plotline, but that is also resolved by the end of the episode with her able to do magic again. The monster and the library conflict is resolved in a ten minute scene with a confrontation between Penny, Alice, Q, and Everett (which could have been prevented had they just THROWN THE BOTTLES IN AT THE SAME TIME) concluding the conflict the whole season had built up in just a couple minutes. This little confrontation of course ends in Quentin’s death.

Okay. Um. So, yeah. Quentin’s death hit me hard, as I’m sure it did for all fans of The Magicians. Now normally I would be okay with the death of the main character (well, not okay, but you know what I mean), knowing that there was a possibility of bringing him back next season, but several sources have confirmed that Jason Ralph is not returning as a regular for season, which means he’s done. That’s it. No more Q. Which is just....yeah. I knew there had been rumors surrounding Jason’s agent or something like that (I don’t remember quite what it was), which caused some people to suspect that he wasn’t returning to the show, but I never would have thought those rumors would be true. The fact that Jason is not coming back makes Q’s death and the entire season that much worse.

I do not like how Q’s death was handled. Ignoring the whole “bury your gays” thing going on, there’s just not enough resolved in Quentin’s story to make his death something meaningful to fans. For this being a character’s last season, there was very little for Quentin to do this season. Outside of the first and last three episodes (two of which he wasn’t even himself in) he did not have that much significance to the plot, which I get is kind of the point of The Magicians as a series. There is also the fact that Q and Eliot only spoke to each other once in this whole season, and did not get any closure in regards to their relationship. I am admittedly biased as a Queliot shipper, but what was the point of bringing up 3x05 again without a proper emotional conclusion. And again I understand that is the point they were trying to make with this, death doesn’t always happen with a happy ending or a completed story, but Quentin (and all the others) deserves better.

I do not mind that Q sacrificed himself for his friends. In fact, that is how I pictured him going (although not permanently). What I didn’t like was the line implying that his sacrifice was a suicide. Q didn’t have to say that, and the fact they had the Suicide Prevention Hotline number at the end of the episode does not overshadow the fact that they had their majorly depressive main character imply that this was a suicide and that any development that he had made as a character in regards to his mental well-being up until this point was moot. For a show that encouraged discussion about mental illness, it really dropped the ball on that one.

Then, there is the whole meta aspect of this. It seems to me that the writers were so determined to make Quentin’s death an emotional gut-punch that they sacrificed consistent writing and audience trust for the sake of a twist ending. Several sources have stated that both the production team and Jason Ralph knew at the beginning of the season that this was going to be his last, which makes this season look that much messier. Normally I would probably say that excuses some of the sloppy story and pacing of the season but that doesn’t work in this case, since they knew early on that Jason was leaving. They knew that this was going to be Q’s last season, and instead of making this a worthy farewell for him, they pushed him off to the sidelines for the sake of building up the ensemble to compensate for his absence; prolonged the monster plot so all signs would point to Eliot possibly dying due to his possession and included 4x05 and a relationship tease for Quentin and Eliot; all for the sake of an audience midirect and to prevent them from guessing it. And it goes beyond that! From all indications (although admittedly none of this is verified) it looks like the other actors had no knowledge of this, were given fake scenes for the ending and were not shown the episode until shortly before the official airing. Whether or not this was for some weird legal reason or to prevent potential spoilers is unclear, but it seems to be for the sake of keeping the audience in the dark. It seems mean to keep the actors in the dark as well, especially seeing the reactions this episode has gotten and leaving the unkowing actors to perform crowd control, but then again, I don’t know the ins and outs of the television business. Look, as a self-proclaimed writer I get wanting to have that emotional gut-punch land with the audience, and it kind of sucks when people end up guessing it, but it should not outweigh the more crucial parts in telling the story.

TL;DR: The writers did so much in their power to keep Q’s death a secret that they sacrificed the integrity of the season, the audience’s trust and the significance of Q’s death.

Will I stop watching the show because of this? Probably not. I’ll still likely watch season 5 (just as I did when OUaT did this, even though all my favorite characters were gone) and I hope this next season is better. I am curious as to whar they’ll do next season and how they’ll make up for the void Q’s absence leaves.

I watch to reiterate that this is not the fault of Jason, Jade, Hale, Brittany, Olivia, Arjun, Stella, or any of the actors involved in the show. Please do not send hate to them. They don’t deserve it and do wonderful work on the show. Please don’t send hate directly to the writers either. Trust me, they know you’re upset, and they really don’t need to be bombarded with horrible messages. You are valid in your sadness and anger, just please avoid any harrasment of any of The Magicians staff.

I still can’t stop crying though.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 052: “I Was Almost Too Late”

Previously on BnHA: Tomura’s gang of Noumus wreaked havoc on the city. Fucking Endeavor showed up to lend Gran Torino some support. Deku realized Iida was in trouble. Iida got all kinds of fucked up by Stain and tearfully monologued about how much he loves his brother. Stain was not moved and went in for the killing blow. Then my boi Deku showed up with the clutch last minute save.

Today on BnHA: Deku shows off his big hero brain and rad deductive reasoning skills. Iida is all, “DEKU, DON’T INTERFERE!” even though he’s just lying on the ground waiting to get murdered. Deku tries to hold off Stain using full cowl and it’s briefly the coolest thing ever, but then Stain grazes him with one of his blades and Deku gets paralyzed too. Stain is all, “you’re cool so I won’t kill you,” and yet again tries to kill Iida. Yet another U.A. student shows up before he can actually do so, because Iida apparently has a backup quirk of summoning main characters whenever he’s about to die.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 126 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.) 

um... what

[frantically checks chapter number like three times even though it’s printed right there]

lol what. is this a dream?? a flash forward? DO WE HAVE TO GO BACK KATE

WAIT A SEC. this is a color page! and 52 weeks in a year = 52 chapters in a year = it’s been one year in real time. that’s what they’re talking about

well, congratulations! but don’t fucking confuse me like that you assholes

GASSSSPP

POPULARITY POLL

I PREDICT TODOROKI AT NUMBER ONE, FOLLOWED BY DEKU, FOLLOWED BY BAKUGOU, FOLLOWED BY ALL MIGHT, FOLLOWED BY... WELL IN A JUST WORLD IT’D BE MY BEST GIRL OCHAKO BUT I GUESS WE’LL SEE

oh lord now there’s a two-page spread, and okay I have to risk spoiling myself because this page deserves to be viewed in color

okay found it

I just really love Bakugou’s pose and Aizawa’s grumpy sleeping bag face in the back. also Momo getting her drink on

WHERE THE FUCK IS THE POLL. DO I HAVE TO GO HUNT THAT SHIT DOWN. SHIT. I’LL DO IT LATER

(ETA: didn’t realize this was just the poll announcement and I still had to wait 10 more chapters for the actual results lol)

all right so flashback to Deku running with a 5% One for All speed boost to get to Iida before anything bad happens

he’s thinking about the coincidental appearance of several new Noumus in the same city where the Hero Killer had previously been rampaging about. and he’s wondering if it’s a sign that said killer and the League of Villains have teamed up

good instincts there Deku

and of course he’s realized that Iida went after Stain, since all the signs point in that direction. he’s read enough comics to know when a young hero has gone running off on his own on an ill-advised quest for vengeance

back to the present! Deku is all YEAH I WAS FUCKING RIGHT

(ETA: Deku saying “bingo”, which he does in English, with that satisfied “FUCKIN’ KNEW IT” expression, may be my favorite moment in this entire arc, and I mean that unironically. love it)

Iida looks totally shocked to see him and can you blame him?? he was literally about to die and all of a sudden fucking Deku shows up out of nowhere to punch the strong villain guy in the face? Deku who was supposed to be off on his own internship miles and miles away? and who wouldn’t have had any idea that Iida had gone off on his solo vengeance quest?

just goes to show, don’t underestimate the main character’s propensity for sniffing out trouble and getting involved in the middle of it, Iida

(ETA: since I’ve complained a little about the suspension of disbelief required for some of the coincidences in this arc, I just want to clarify that this is not one of those moments. I actually really like that Deku’s logic was explained, and that he didn’t just randomly stumble across Iida, but was actively looking for him after narrowing down his search radius)

anyway so Stain’s rebounding now and he does recognize Deku from Tomura’s photo

Deku is so fucking smart

can we all agree that even without One for All he still would have made a great fucking hero. worst case, he would have been like the most legendary detective of all time, probably

Deku asks Iida if he can move. good, he’s not dumb enough to try and take this guy on alone if he can help it

but the problem is Iida can’t move. apparently Stain’s quirk took effect when he was cut

shit. so... lol Deku! better not fucking get cut. time to put those new One for All skills to the test in a trial by fire

Deku considers just carrying Iida (he’s strong enough now lol), but then he sees the other hero guy lying there nearby, and he can’t get both of them

and now Iida is putting in his two cents, and. wow guys. this is easily the dumbest thing anyone has ever said in the whole series up until this point

JUST LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE, FAM. IT’S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, IIDA

Stain seems to admire Deku’s heroism, but he says that it’s his duty to kill these guys, and if Deku’s going to stand in his way, well then. you can see where this is going

what happened to that whole “I don’t kill kids, the people I kill all deserve it, this is for the good of society” and all that other shit

and he says “the weaker of us will be culled” with a scary face. and Deku looks intimidated because he can see that this guy truly believes the bullshit he’s spouting right now, and he knows that makes him extra dangerous

but when this guy says “the weaker of us”, I don’t know if he realizes that there’s a good fucking chance that’s actually him

also, I’m still half-expecting Todoroki to show up if this gets bad. though part of me hopes it doesn’t happen since it's so tropey. if he was hanging out with Endeavor, it’d make more sense for him to team up with him and Gran. or maybe join the fight against all of the Noumus downtown

Deku is reaching behind him and clicking something. it looks like his phone; I wonder if he called for backup

he’s realizing now that he’s on his own. but he’s also saying that he needs to “buy some time” so I hope he did call for help

Iida is screaming at him but dude, you really expect Deku to just leave you? I know you’re not thinking straight, but that’s suicidal at best and borderline insulting at worst. I hope Deku chews you out later

oho!

okay, two things I like here! number one, quoting one of All Might’s better lessons. and number two, THE FUCKING SMILE OMG. this is easily the most AM-like he’s been to date and it looks good on him, damn

look at Iida’s face

fucking relax?? you’re really killing my buzz here. just wait. Deku’s got this

probably

so Deku’s charging at Stain and Stain’s bringing the sword out! BOY YOU BETTER DODGE THAT SHIT OR ELSE IT’S A ONE-HIT KO WITH HIS QUIRK

YESSSSSSS

ALL RIGHT SON LET’S DO THIS

Stain thinks to himself that Deku made the smart move by getting in close, so he can’t use his long blade effectively. but now he’s pulling out one of his knives!

AHHHH YESSSS NOT SO FAST MOTHERFUCKER

(ETA: holy shit you can actually see two tiny droplets of blood by Deku’s arm, though. that’s so cool that you can go back and pinpoint the moment when he gets grazed and doesn’t realize)

I’m honestly starting to get a little nervous as to what’s going to happen, because so far Deku is making this look fucking easy, and I figure that in order for the suspense to be maintained, surely something has to go wrong soon, right?

then again

lmao every time Stain tries to hit him he’s fucking gone. pretty safe to say he’s got the speed advantage here I think

AND HERE HE COMES NOW WITH THE SMASH

EVEN AT JUST FIVE PERCENT, THAT SHIT STILL LOOKS LIKE IT HURT

oh my god

sure!! because why would Deku ever come up with his own fighting style when he could just keep ripping off Bakugou’s playbook until the end of time?! I love this so much

anyway, so that was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, so naturally something terrible is about to happen I assume?

OH FUCK ME FUCKING SHIT

Deku’s trying to figure out what’s going on -- “did he graze me?”

I can’t tell for sure but it seems like there is indeed a sliiiight teeny tiny cut on his upper arm. fuck

although now Deku is thinking “no that’s not it! it’s blood!” and I have no idea what he’s talking about?

Stain’s walking up to him all calm. he says Deku lacks power but did a good job tracking his movements

see Iida, now if you want to freak out, I will allow it

oh shit??

never mind Iida

shit he’s walking back towards you!!

Stain please don’t kill Iida right in front of a paralyzed and helpless Deku oh my god

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh snap

WHO CALLED IT?! YEAH THAT’S RIIIIGHT

WHY SO SURPRISED, DID YOU NOT SEE THIS COMING

LMAO MEANWHILE I ONLY PREDICTED IT BECAUSE I KNEW FROM THE ANIME THAT HE DID GO TO INTERN AT ENDEAVOR’S AGENCY. IT’S THE ANIME’S FUCKING FAULT. I SHOULD STOP WATCHING FOR A WHILE, BUT I JUST LOVE THE SOUNDTRACK SO MUCH, AND IT’S SO MUCH FUN TO SEE THESE SCENES IN ACTION DAMMIT

ANYWAY!!!

OHHH MY GODDD

DEKU HIT HIM UP IN THE GROUP CHAT I CAN’T I’M DONE FOREVER

SO THEN HE DID KNOW HE WAS COMING. MAYBE HE JUST LOOKS SO SHOCKED BECAUSE OF THE STRESSFUL SITUATION HE WAS IN ONLY SECONDS EARLIER

ALSO, LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME MOTHERFUCKER IN HIS NEW FUCKING COSTUME

hey google play Arsonist’s Lullabye

BONUS:

Ochako’s meal plan wtf

she doesn’t eat

what the fuck did I just read

what the shit I don’t even get it. how’s it supposed to be funny. is it making fun of diets or making light of poverty wtf

whatever. I may honestly delete this bonus section, since it contains absolutely nothing of value and just ruins all that cool shit Todoroki and Deku just did

(ETA: well in the end I didn’t delete it. I’m not gonna post any of the rest of these segments though. they’re pretty terrible and it’s easier for me to just pretend they don’t exist)

[plush-anon]

tejoxys

I finally saw the Endgame spoilers clip

*rubbing my grubby little hands together bc I love a good roast*

Welp, if it’s a roast you want, a roast you shall receive!

(Note: I think I spoke vaguely enough about everything big in the Clips below NOT to warrant an outright Spoilers tag, so I’m leaving it with just an Endgame Leaks tag and a ‘Read More’ line. Message me if you’ve a.) seen the Clips/gone scrolling for more info in the Spoilers tag and b.) think it’s more spoilery than I try to vague it to be, and I’ll tag it post haste)

Christ Almighty, the Clips just make everything look like an enormous MESS.

Thor looks just... awful. In every scene. LITERALLY EVERY SCENE HE’S IN IN THESE SPOILERIFIC CLIPS, HE LOOKS TERRIBLE. There isn’t a single one where he doesn’t look like a mess. Everyone else gets a glow-up (new hair, tattoos, freshly shaved) and looks put together in general (which is admittedly baffling - really, EVERYONE looks good in the face of mass genocide and failure to stop it from occurring?) but Thor decided to whip out his Big Lebowski cosplay at their big ‘save the world’ get-together... why??? (seriously Thor, was a shower too much to ask for?)

Now, if we’d had ANY inclination that anyone else looked rough aside from Tony and Nebula a la the stuck-in-space teaser trailers we saw originally, that would be one thing. Everyone there lost a loved one, everyone there has probably had to come to terms with the fact that they FAILED TO STOP THANOS when they were all right freakin’ there! NO ONE SHOULD LOOK 100% OKAY HERE. Show me dishevelment, poor coping mechanisms, show them having to struggle for weeks (maybe even MONTHS) after the events.

But nope! They are ALL in perfect health according to the trailers we’ve seen before. Even Tony, after nearly dying in space multiple times, just takes a bath and appears to be in fine health after getting back (with some bags under the eyes). Everyone’s perfectly fine, except for Thor (and maaaaaybe Hawkeye, who looks to have gone full-on Frank Miller Batman in his quest for vengeance, but still had time to get a mullet and some sweet sleeve tats in between!).

Nice.

This is a MASSIVE problem with the MCU as a whole, and has been for a while: their repeated attempts to gloss over and sweep consequences of mental trauma and illness away under the rug until it suits them for plot convenience or for comedy. You see this in the Thor sequels a LOT (Selvig being institutionalized for comedy after being possessed, Loki being kept in literal solitary confinement for roughly 2 years, Valkyrie’s PTSD and alcoholism played for laughs, mocking Loki’s suicide attempt from Thor 1 and the actual death he survived in Thor 2, ALL of Odin’s outright dickishness as a parent a la narcissistic parenting, Hela being imprisoned in isolation for literal CENTURIES), as well as anything to do with Tony Stark and his thought process (everything he does is pretty much as a result of the trauma he endures, and everyone in the Avengers just??? doesn’t recognize it??? and attacks him for it without going ‘hey, maybe he’s got PTSD’ or something???? what the hell, man). GOTG does a MUCH better job of it with Rocket and Nebula, but Mantis is left woefully unrealized (thought they do touch upon it briefly, and handle it with relative seriousness). 

Either way, Thor concerns me a LOT, because he is the king of a very small group of Asgardian refugees (and given the scene that shows in the Clips, as well as the appearance of another Thor character later on, we KNOW there were multiple survivors), trying to find a new life on Midgard in the face of not one, not two, but THREE fcuking tragedies - the destruction of Asgard, Thanos’ attack on their ship, and the Snap. Why is he the way he is, in the location he’s in (which actually appears to be the apartment from Team Thor’s mockumentary)? He is the only semblance of leadership left for these people who have lost everything and he’s Like That. Where is a Thor stressed and fretting over being fully responsible for once in his life over the lives of his people, over what little remains of his kingdom? Where is a Thor struggling with guilt as he tries to build a new life for his people, struggling with rule and politics and trade? WHERE IS HE??? Bc right now, all I see is Chris Hemsworth auditioning for the remake of The Big Lebowski, having wandered onto the Avengers set instead of his audition location by mistake -_-

The scenes with Steve leave me absolutely baffled (and some of them just ooze cheese, and not in a great way), because how in the fcuk do we get to those?? His scenes feel the most disjointed here, bc they all have a similar vibe to his personality in Whedon’s Avenger movies. Kind of the ‘Boy Scout’ presentation, which is particularly odd in the aftermath of the Russo Fools’ two Cap movies and Infinity Fcuk Up, which made him more serious, less - bright? I can’t think of a good word for it rn. This is particularly highlighted in his big ‘save the world’ speech we hear - it feels kind of like an ‘okay team, time to save the world!’ speech, instead of something more serious. Is it to try to bring everyone’s hopes up? What else is missing here that we’re not seeing? Why does he feel like he’s back to this persona in light of all that’s happened? Is it to highlight how good and awesome he is in order to {SPOILER REDACTED} like we see in that final sequence? (Also, the imagery for SPOILER REDACTED, while meant to be badass and awesome, feels... kind of awkward, IMHO. Which is weird, bc I thought it would be more amazing and awesome. IDK, maybe I’m just super jaded with the MCU by now).

Carol Danvers’ scenes are actually pretty on point. She gets to be a badass in her fighting scenes and gets an awesome new look that pretty much only functions to further cement her Lesbian Status. The only way she would be more obviously a Lesbian is if her suit were in the colors of (one of) the Lesbian Pride flags and a Cyndi Lauper song was playing in the background (or maybe Joan Jett).

Hulk/Bruce Banner... I don’t even know how they’re going to swing this. Like, at all. I’m particularly baffled bc given how some of the scenes appear to be set early in the film, it resolves extremely quickly to get to that point, and after all the drama of Hulk not coming out in Infinity Fcuk Up, I just - who the fcuk knows at this point. Also, that one scene with the {SPOILER REDACTED} could be effective depending on how they set it up, but then... why exactly is he the one in the scene with the {SPOILER REDACTED} and not Carol or Thor, due to Obvious Plot Reasons?

Finally, Peter Parker. He’s adorable in his scenes, ‘nuff said.

Now, after seeing these scenes, I am left EXTREMELY CONCERNED for this movie’s tone. Granted, it was only 5 minutes of footage for a 3 hour movie. Quite clearly, there is a LOT we aren’t seeing. All the same though, it feels extremely disjointed. I know they’re trying to pull away from the dark and grim ending of Infinity War, but these clips make it all feel a little too casual, a little too ‘let’s go beat the bad guy!’ as opposed to ‘we have suffered a great failure and a great tragedy - as heroes, we MUST work to undo this for the sake of those we have lost, and everyone left alive who has lost the people they loved’. Idk, that may just be me on this one.

But you know the worst part of all of THIS? The worst part is that this is probably what we’re going to get on the release date. This isn’t a trailer Marvel released with deleted live-action scenes featuring minimal to no CGI, or sections clumsily edited over with explosion effects - this was a slew of scenes with a TON of special effects fully rendered in painstaking detail, recorded with a phone on its side in what looks like a movie theater, with foreign subtitles on the screen (I honestly don’t recognize the alphabet, but it might be Middle Eastern). That CGI is expensive and time-consuming as all hell to do, and considering how many of these scenes had it? Either they wasted a shit-ton of money on scenes they didn’t use (seriously, a number of them have Rocket in them, or Hulk - those aren’t the easiest characters to render, I would imagine), or these are in the movie, end of story.

Not to mention, TPTB clamped down on these Clips HARD - like, IMMEDIATELY - as opposed to the process behind deleting Reddit comments. The fast and heavy response from Marvel and the Russo Fools, COMPLETE WITH OFFICIAL TWEET LETTER, along with a Chris Evans tweet not to Spoil the Shit, was to chastise the ones who did (which is somewhat warranted here, given how extreme the security on leaks for Endgame have been).

This response, combined with the quality of the clips, and some of the plot threads that actually seem to be mentioned/referenced in the Lego sets, leads me to believe it’s real.

And I’m not really impressed.

On the flipside, I’m actually kind of relieved, knowing what I’m going into when I walk into the theater opening weekend. I’m not going to be completely shocked and horrified by what I see. This works well in breaking the ice, and also eases some of my anxiety on what to expect (bc I have had a LOT of it for this movie).

The downside to this is that at the end of the day, this is what 22 films ultimately amounted to. Something that feels a little too glib, a little too rushed. Something that doesn’t feel like it’s doing right by the characters who were left, and the characters we love (at least, not in full).

I understand that this is an insurmountable task - to bring to film, with limited time, a satisfying conclusion to so many characters. To arrange hundreds of people within thousands of hours on a set budget to bring this massive story, building for over ten years now, to a close that will resonate and sate with as many fans as possible. But I read fanfiction that does just that with less time, fewer moments, no budget - hell, there are 10k oneshots that rewrote Infinity Fcuk to make sense and treat the characters with the respect that they’ve earned over 20+ films.

This? Doesn’t feel like those.

I will happily admit, I am guesstimating a LOT here, based off of what essentially amounts to 3% of the movie (slightly more, depending on how long the credits are sans post-credit scenes, but still roughly 3%). There is a LOT that is missing, which could fill in these gaps successfully and make this whole post look completely pointless. If it does that, I will gleefully concede that it fooled us on this one. Maybe all of these scenes really ARE hoaxes (even if they were painstakingly subtitled in a foreign language and shown on a movie theater-size screen, but I digress).

But the framing of the scenes looks like it was meant to showcase what the movie would be as a whole, in terms of tone and what to expect. And from that, I’m not excited, or overjoyed. I’m just tired.

And I cannot WAIT for this all to be over, bc I’m fcuking exhausted just watching 5 minutes. Lord knows what 182 of them will leave me like in the end.

*peers up at massive unending ranty analysis post* ...ah. Well then. that happened again. Ah well. Hope you had fun reading my nonsense brain goop, kiddos.

[ryouverua]

Trial 5 - So about that one thing... (1)

WILL THE ROBOPHOBIA NEVER CEASE FOR EVEN A MOMENT -

Investigation 1 / 2 - second half is where I put my own theories that I penned before playing the trial. 

and man was I proven wrong almost instantaneously lmao - but I’m getting ahead of myself. On with the show!

Poor K1-b0, honestly. He had such a great epic speech planned, totally interrupting Monokuma’s normal opening for the trial -

- only for Monokuma to completely undercut him, aka the opening of this post. 8′D You’ll prevail over robophobia one day, K1-b0! One... day....

Good luck trying to pull that on Maki, though. 8′D

H-Hm. The fact that you’re asking that means that you’re either putting on a really good act right now, or I am so very, very wrong right out the gate. But with that said, where is the sixth person? Maybe that’s what I should call them, honestly. The Sixth Person. The Unknown Loudmouth who thrives off others’ attention. The Mysterious Purple Boy Wonder. ‘K’, if you will.

omg they... have question marks... on their faces.... Now this is definitely a first. So we’re actually going to go the whole trial without either of them, huh. Sure, one of them being gone I was half-heartedly prepared for, but both? Damn.

I’m 99% sure ‘Never let a good crisis go to waste’ is like Monokuma’s theme or something.

They are?! Have they been hiding in here the whole time??? That... is actually a really good hiding place? Though I have no idea how they’d be able to get down here before a trial was called...

There’s that same base assumption: Culprit = Mastermind = Kokichi. But what if one of those isn’t true? Or, well, two? Could it be Culprit = Mastermind? Or Culprit = Kokichi? Or just... well, neither?

Man, just... the fact that you’re trying to shut down discussion really lends itself to suspicion. I don’t think I’m drawing the wrong conclusion by saying she was the one who cleaned up after the fact, but I suppose the option of her outright killing Kokichi or mercy-killing Kaito is still a possibility? I still don’t think she’s the culprit because I don’t think she was able to get in until after the crossbow shots were fired (aka let in by Kaito) but...

Or... or if she found Kaito dead already, from illness, and then crushed the body to frame Kokichi for it... but if she thought he was the mastermind, then she would think he’d have control of the full trial and would know that selecting him as the culprit would be the wrong answer, right??? Yeah okay following that idea to the end was pointless in the end but at least I got it out of my system. >3> I also don’t think she would disrespect Kaito’s body like that tbh unless she had to, so...

Oh man are we going to get an end-of-trial reveal then? I’m just gonna be vibrating anxiously in my seat then, I suppose. look Sweetcheeks we’re in sync again!

Aaaah, the class is so small now... I mean, we don’t even have the sixth person we should have. This is sixth chapter-levels of small. what is with the number six showing up all of the sudden

I had to grab this screenshot because tell me this doesn’t give off the impression of a sniper scope lens! Maybe that’s just me? I just really like taking a moment to appreciate the design of the text in the trials ~

I didn’t think this was going to come up so early!

And the one to the back looks bad.... Was it just dripping, or do those correspond with the drag marks? It seems to imply that they do...

Shuichi and I are all about those implications and circumstantial evidence lol

Meanwhile Maki is all about that supposed ‘direct’ evidence. Which, you know, fair! .... is what I would say if I didn’t think she was participating in a cover-up. But the motive behind the coverup... just saying ‘she wants to save Kaito’ isn’t really good enough for me, because that means she’s forfeiting everyone else’s lives in the process of the trial proceeds by its own rules - which it seems to be doing.... And, yeah, everything outside is gone, and she did agree to mercy-kill everyone before they saw the flashback light, but -

Oh, that’s an interesting thought. Kaito overthrows Kokichi, accidentally killing him in the process thanks to Maki’s poisoned arrows. Kaito succumbs to illness, or is going to in short order. Monokuma AI is still up and running, and Maki thinks it’s just because it can run independently of Kokichi, maybe? So she takes advantage of it in order to mercy-kill everyone like Gonta (and maybe Kokichi) wanted last chapter, while letting Kaito die without anyone else thinking he was a murderer? Is this her using her Ultimate Assassin ability in the most compassionate way she can, maybe?

I.... don’t know if I’m 100% satisfied with that answer... but it is an answer..........

It’s not a question of wants, my dear Sweetcheeks - she needs to push this narrative. The real question is if she actually believes it herself.

i thought the answer was bloodstain whoops

Thank goodness there wasn’t. 8′\ I don’t think even Danganronpa could stylize the gruesomeness out of that.

OI MAKI WHAT ARE YOU DOING

“You think that comment about ‘the last time you touched a woman’ was bad? I’m going to show you that I can eviscerate you without even lifting a finger.”

Maki is a force to be reckoned with, damn.

ANYONE COULD BE WEARING THOSE CLOTHES! EVEN ME!

too soon? .... yeah okay

ARE THEY.... SERIOUSLY... ARGUING ABOUT HIS FASHION SENSE.... DID MAKI JUST IMPLY SHUICHI DOESN’T KNOW KAITO AT ALL AFTER ALL THIS TIME

I’M LAUGHING HOW MANY SHIP WAR TRIALS ARE WE GOING TO HAVE why can’t we all just ot3 in peace guys

They are low-key fighting about who knows Kaito the best down to how he dresses himself I cannot believe -

“HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF MY BOYRFRIEND BRO!!”

“Have you ever considered he was wearing it like a cape like an absolute no-taste madman? Or reverted to the ‘tied around waist’ trend?  When you two broke up, it changed him, Shuichi - it changed him!”

“Just like Kokichi Imeanwhat, you didn’t hear me say that, nope -”

also too soon probably

Defeat... but how does this defeat him? The theory I have addresses why she would be so determined/have more knowledge than she’s letting on, but it definitely doesn’t neatly answer how implicating him as the culprit would ‘defeat’ him outside of letting Kaito out unscathed. :x

Oooh, are we going to address that point now? I feel like once we’ve resolved that, we’ll be ready to start breaking things down into easier-to-solve chunks!

Oh... um... o-okay but -

WAIT REALLY? WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS?!

OH!!!!

OOOOOH HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!

S-SHROEDINGER’S MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM?!?!

WAIT WHAT

I JUST FUCKING SCREECHED -

WHAT?!?!

 KAITO JUST

WHAT?!?!?!

WHAT?!?! AFTER ALL THAT WE’RE JUST - IT’S JUST - HIM?

WHY ARE *YOU* SHOCKED

or is this a ‘WHAT THE HELL WHY ARE YOU REVEALING YOURSELF’ moment?!

“YOU DUMBASS THIS WASN’T PART OF THE PLAN -”

actually oooh she said ‘Momota’ without an `ific behind it - is that a first, or did I only just notice now?

Edit: I’ve been corrected, she’s apparently not used it for a while now. I’m not surprised I just didn’t notice until now. 8′D

I.... I don’t even know what to think right now.... I thought I’d come up with something good in terms of why it was Kaito and not Kokichi, thinking it would be maybe a twist for partway through the trial or something, but then??? he just fucking busts in 15 minutes late with whatever DR’s equivalent of Starbucks is like ‘WHAT UP GUYS WHAT DID I MISS?’

?!?!?!

HOLY SHIT AGAIN

can I just say I really appreciate Hiro Shimono right now holy crap

ALSO YOU KNOW, JUST THROWN ANOTHER GENERAL ‘HOLY CRAP’ ONTO THE PILE MY HEAD IS SPINNING RIGHT NOW

I WANT TO HEAR THE ENGLISH EQUIVALENT OF THIS

but I just heard Kokichi scream something along the lines of (and I’m totally going to butcher this with my limited knowledge, I apologize):  “ORE WA SHIMASEN! MINNA WO AISHITERU KARA!” Isn’t that along the lines of ‘I won’t [die], I love all of you?” or ‘Everyone loves me?” or something? man I’m totally butchering this aren’t I lol please feel free to correct me

As for the english reference we have a confirmed Sinatra fan among us - that’s some pretty great taste you’ve got there, kiddo! hey maybe the japanese one was a detective conan ED ref or maybe I’m just reaching as usual

U-Uh I don’t know about that? I find the exisals pretty impressive, personally. I bet Tsumugi is secretly fangirling as an big mecha!anime nerd.

Good question, tbh - why did Kaito’s voice come out of the exisal? I’d consider the idea of them both being in there, but... but we discovered a body, right? And bloodstains? Unless an old body was reused (and there’s precedence in the series for that), but I don’t know how they would manage it???

Also I’m mad at myself WHY did I accidentally delete the ‘cracker’ cap, japanese Kokichi literally just said ‘cracker’ out loud and it was amazing!!!

THIS REALLY IS GOING TO BE SHROEDINGER’S MECHA

..... I.... DAMN IT THAT IS A GOOD REASON. Fine, you win this round, K.

I MEAN... YEAH....

oh shit you did what now

YOU HAVE IT ON CAMERA?!

UM?!?! NO, CAN WE NOT?!?!

Oh.... Oh no.

I have questions about why the video sped up for a moment and also why he isn’t moving at all (is he??? dead before being placed there???)  but I’m going to push them to the side for a moment because

oh.... no. I DIDN’T WANT TO SEE THAT ASDFKLJSDF D:

Oh dear :(

how many love interests must this boy be forced to watch die damn it

[flickertours]

hi i was tagged by @bigshot-knockedout for a little get to know me thingy, thank you 💜

A- Age: 21

B- Birthplace: some fuckass village an hour outside of chicago, illinois

C- Current time: 2:43am (we love crackhead hours)

D: Drink you last had: sweet tea

E- Easiest person to talk to: anyone in my family because they’re the only ones who ever wanna put up with me

F: Favorite songs:

the tide - niall horan

think about us - little mix

forget you not - little mix

r.e.m. - ariana grande

cut my lip - twenty one pilots

babylon - 5 seconds of summer

forever favorite songs:

get well soon - ariana grande

wrapped around your finger - 5 seconds of summer

take a breath - jonas brothers

G- Grossest memory: it’s not so /gross/ per se but i had surgery back in 2016 on both of my eyes to remove cataracts and i obviously had to stay awake in order to keep my eyes open for the procedure and i’ll never forget the way it felt when the scalpel was literally digging into my eye for like twenty minutes straight lmao it didn’t feel right at all and i still get kinda queasy thinking about it

H- Horror, yes or no: yeth but it has to be good bc honestly i feel like it’s been years since ive seen a decent scary movie that didn’t suck

I- In love: uhh niall

J- Jealous of people: i mean yeah doesn’t everyone get a little jealous every once in a while lol but i don’t let it consume me bc i get over it in like a day or two

L- Love at first sight or should i walk by again: no absolutely not. love is a continuously developing and changing thing that doesn’t just happen the first two seconds u see someone

M- Middle name: it’s Fina (Josefina shortened, after my grandma Josephine)

N- Number of siblings: im the youngest of four girls (my dad is so lucky lmao)

O- One wish: delete all chronic illnesses of the face of the earth pls

P- Person you called last: i called my sister to ask when i should get her from work

Q- Questions you always get asked: ive been asked every question in the book in regards to my age bc people just always assume im at least 6 years younger than i actually am because apparently i haven’t aged physically since i was 15

S- Song you last sang: oh goddd idk lmao im always singing around the house but it was probably either shawn and maren because ive been singing a lot of them the past few months lol

T- Time you wake up: my alarm is always set for 9:40 but i usually sleep in until 10

U- Underwear color: ????lmao pink

V- Vacation destination: i wanna go to london so so bad but i’m terrified of heights so catch me swimming there i guess dhhfdfh

W- Worst habit: i instinctively Have To shake my legs every time im sitting down anywhere and everyone hates me for it but if im sitting and Not shaking my legs, tapping my feet, or picking at the skin/scabs on my fingers my restlessness would literally eat me alive

Y- Your favorite food: chicken mole and rice 💗💞💓💕💗💞💓💕

Z- Zodiac sign: leo

these are always so fun to do thank you again for tagging me sister ♡ i never know whomst to tag for these so im gonna tag the same people i tagged in my last one lmao @actualhumansunshine @mustbeseeingblind @ot4vinyl @wheretogofrmhere @sighsofthetimes @flickershawn @niallandtommo (and OF COURSE if you wanna do this and i didn’t tag you please just do it anyway and say i tagged u)

[kflirts]

nct dream as boyfriends!

well i wanted to do this, this is a repost because i accidentally deleted my account, yikes. anyway here’s how i see nct dream as boyfriends!

 MARK

well

hes really soft for you in general

like loves skinship

all the time

constantly wants to touch you

wants to buy you food

even tho you ate like an hour ago

not big on kissing in public

but in private!

oh boy

he loves giving you kisses

random pickup lines

once asked you out in public

even tho you’d been dating for a year

and people were watching

so you said yes

smileS

big ass smiles whenever you love on him

hes so cute

wants to take care of you

“LET ME FEED YOU YOURE SICK”

“MARK I SNEEZED ONE TIME”

makes you play videogames with him

and makes fun of you when you lose

DONGHYUCK

invented pda

you’ll be in the convenience store and he’ll like wrap his arms around you for no reason

I see him getting jealous easily

You’re like fuckin married and 83 and he asks if you thinks he’s cute

Hilarious

likes making you laugh all the fuckin time

knows what you’re thinking without you saying it

It’s weird

“You know what I want?”

“ice cream”

“HAECHAN”

“I know”

wants to stay inside all the time

“Let’s go Out!!1!1!2” you say

“:////“ he says

So most of the time you end up at home playing monopoly or some shit

he likes when it rains

sends you songs that remind him of you

genuinely rlly cute

10/10

JAEMIN

RANDOM PICKUP LINES

OUT OF NOWHERE

you’re in the car and he’s just like

“your hand looks heavy,”

and you’re like

jaemin no

and he’s like

“LET ME HOLD IT FOR U :D”

and you want to hit him

but you don’t

you love him

king of nose kisses!

falls asleep randomly a lot

you don’t know why

sometimes gets rlly quiet and you’re like bro u good

and he’s like YEAH I just,,,, love you

rlly sweet all the times

like iS he Okay does he Ever get Upset

he has a look

he’ll look at you

and you’ll melt

HE LIKES TO LOOK AT YOUR LIPS JUST TO FLUSTER YOU

WH y

he just knows everything

never awnsers ur important texts

probably says “no u hang up first”

goodmorning/night messages

LIKES TO SEE YOU FLUSTERED

fLIRT

CHENLE

this motherfucker

you wonder why are you dating him

hes so loud like all the time

and he gains nothing from it

screams when you kiss him

screams your name just to scare you

teases you for doing the bare minimum

look at you for minutes and you’re like wtf

and he acts like it never happened

buys you stuff bc he can

“I got u shoes”

“wtf chenle

calls you a dumbass

you swear he’s on crack

random memes from Instagram

mEAN SOMETIMES

called you a hooligan once

you hit him for it

forehead kisses

giggles and tells u how much you mean to him when he’s sleepy

wants you to play in his hair

generally soft

JISUNG

clingy!!

wants to hug you all the time

why

whY

he’s so cute sometimes it actually hurts

movie date king

acts cute and then runs his hand through his hair

you feEL EMOTIONS

plEASe

one of you is constantly whining

steals ur money

why

he could ask

“have you seen $5 anywhere??”

“oh yeah sorry i took it”

“wtf”

“ill pay you back i swear”

he doesnt pay you back

cutes his way out of doing things

you honestly love him even tho he gets on your nerves

attacks and protects

“JISunG PlEASE”

doesn’t let you do basic things

likes it when you hug him

doesnt want you to let go

ever

“i have to wash my hai-”

“no we’re cuddling”

“b-”

“nO”

scrunches up his nose when you annoy him back

“gROW uP”

“IM GROWN”

RENJUN

oh my god

chaotic good

you’re chilling and he’s just like sweet and then all of a sudden he’s roasting you

for why

sometimes the voice of reason 

“lets so skydiving” you say

“no” he says

what does he gain

“you’re lucky you’re cute”

you dont say his name right on purpose

and he stops talking to you for a week

weird

“what the fuck is that”

“i brought you a duck :)”

“RENJUN”

pretends to be cold so you’ll hug him

takes you out at three am even tho he’s like exhausted 

never goes back on his word

praises you

“aHHH you look so pretty!!”

constantly telling you how much he loves you

kisses your hair

all the time

“you smell good!”

PLEase

you melt every time

tells you he was thinking about you all day

when he’s in a good mood he’s the fuckin best thing ever

sometimes gets sad and just needs you to be there for him

a smiling mess when you’re around

“wHY are you looking at me like that”

“BECAUSE UR SO PRETTY NOW SHUT UP”

OIDKJGFKDSO

flkshfaosgh

you’re head over heels

JENO

the softest boy 

please

he know’s he’s attractive and uses it against you

“no,”

and then he looks are you and pouts

and so you have to say yes

it’s the law now

cares about you so much

does anything you ask

kisses everywhere

you actually have to ask him to stop kissing you 

so you can FOCUS 

it makes him chuckle

he chuckles a lot!

fake cries everyday for some reason

he wont stop

all you said was you didnt like his favorite food

and his cat wasn’t THAT fluffy

and now he’s acting like u hurt him

PLEase

the dreamies tease him around you

apparently you’re all he talks about

“y/n make him shut the fuck up oh my god”

he 

you both make each other blush on purpose

“ay, are you bLUShinG, PRehaPs?”

“eat your damn food and shut up”

he’s so cute

all the time

wants you to be happy no matter what

considers your feelings before his

makes you soft

you’re in love with him

fuck

[pastelbrachypelma]

I’m very tired, but I have this growing fear...

...that Dan may be pulling away from the Grump family. 

There are several possible reasons for this and, first of all, before y’all go ape shit because I’m about to talk about Dan’s personal life, I’M NOT CLAIMING ANY OF THIS IS TRUE, NOR AM I ABOUT TO TRY AND FIND OUT IF THIS IS TRUE. I ain’t got the money or time, and more importantly, I respect Dan as a human. THIS IS JUST SPECULATION because the Grumps are my hyperfocus, and THIS IS NOT MEANT TO HURT ANYONE. I like analyzing shit for fun, so if you can’t deal with a little harmless conspiracy video type analysis, bye bye! :)

Now then. 

1. He has a girlfriend.

This is the most plausible reason, and I talked about this when I analyzed “Heart Boner” very briefly, but it is certainly possible, especially since he mentioned going to Disneyland with someone who was (obviously) outside of the Grumps circle. The evidence that he has a secret girlfriend is all very coincidental, of course, however, I do believe it is plausible. 

2. He’s leaving/stepping away from Grumps to focus on NSP

Dan has been stepping away from Grumps since his burnout in 2014. He rarely (if ever) was on streams (pre-2018 when the Grumps radio streams began), or would only come for a few hours towards the end of the stream, or, as was the case with the Crisis Text Line charity livestream, was there for the beginning and left halfway through. People are gonna get mad at me for being “whiney,” but frankly, I don’t care. I’m sorry (?) that Dan specifically is the center of my hyperfocus on the Grumps. I love both of my boys, but for some reason, I’ve become particularly attached to Dan (this has also happened to several other fans who focus on Dan, so it shouldn’t be a new concept, but I got several mad comments about my focus on Dan before, so y’know.) This is just the way my hyperfocus works. If you’re mad about it, go somewhere else. Also, I know why Dan does this. He is a busy man, and he has to look after his voice. Unlike Arin, he can’t talk nonstop for hours on end without resting his voice. Also, despite his Myers-Briggs test pinging him as an extrovert, he is more introverted than Arin in a lot of ways (who has probably had to adapt to being a people person, and can probably deal with humans for a longer amount of time). Dan is not a party person, so I get the feeling he’d bail (or look for the first opportunity to bail) the minute things got too crazy. (Can’t exactly blame him for that, seeing as I’ve done the same thing.)

So how did I reach the conclusion that he might be leaving Grumps? His true love is music. It’s what he’s wanted to do since Day 1, and NSP is his baby (just like Grumps is Arin’s) and thus his priority. Now that NSP has a successful fanbase, thanks in large part to many Lovelies migrating to NSP, he has the ability to make money simply off of touring with NSP. We saw Brian step back earlier this year to work more on NSP stuff (and probably be a dad more often). It’s not unthinkable that one day, Dan would simply leave Grumps for good. I don’t know if Arin would keep the show running by himself and do a sort of permanent Guest Grumps (probably including Dan at varying points to keep the views rolling in), or simply abandon Game Grumps and do something else. (Because now that Arin has success and a name for himself, he could do something else. Make games full time, maybe, or focus on Real Good Touring. I doubt he would go back to animating, but that is also a possibility as well.) I’m of the opinion that Grumps peaked in 2015-2016, and I think that with a rising preference of facecam channels/personalities (and this ties into a larger theory of mine that I have yet to write about why the GG fandom offline is mostly male), it is unlikely that the Grumps will reach a growth spurt like Jackspeticeye or Markiplier have experienced. And you could argue that people who rarely/never do Facecam like CallMeKevin and RTGame rose in sub count fairly quickly, but they have a specific kind of content that they post consistently and that is funny in its own right (and these large subscriber counts, I am willing to bet, are males). GG���s format hasn’t aged well, and would be better suited to a full-time podcast where Dan and Arin talk about their lives as opposed to playing video games all the time. (My opinion, but feel free to disagree calmly and civilly.) 

My point is that Dan could leave, and could be gearing up to do so.

3. Dan is choosing to be less visible

This is probably the most plausible explanation. Dan has said many times that he doesn’t like the spotlight, and wishes that he wasn’t a celebrity, even though he is grateful for what fame has enabled him to do. Since he has been a target for some rather undesirable behaviors lately (whether you view them as assault or not), it’s only natural that his first instinct is to make himself as invisible as he possibly can. He hasn’t been posting as much on Instagram, he hasn’t been seen on Arin or Suzy’s Instagrams, he didn’t come/refused to be in the picture Suzy posted on Thanksgiving, and he seems, to me, to be slowly playing more and more of a “character” on Grumps and during the Power Hour. It could just be me, but the show doesn’t feel as genuine as it used to. It’s possibly Arin and Dan are trying too hard to be relatable, to give fans what they think they want (and maybe some fans do want that? Who knows?), but it’s possible that this is a sign. Dan may be withdrawing more from the public eye, at least as much as he possibly can. And we know he’s a very private person, and he is beginning to lament aspects of his fame. So we may see him retreating more and more from Grumps, more vacations away from LA, starving his social media. He’s also a generation ahead of Arin (I think?), so his views about the changing world, liberal as they may be, are different than millennials like Sean and Mark. I wouldn’t be surprised if, one day, he just announced he was deleting his Instagram for good.

4. Dan needs to step away for health reasons

This is the most unlikely, as (supposedly) he works out with Arin, which would indicate his health is the same as it’s always been, if not improved. But it’s not entirely farfetched. Chronic illnesses can be very tricky, and Dan isn’t getting any younger. If his chronic illness is acting up more often, or if it’s getting progressively more serious, Dan may be spending more time at home resting and recuperating as opposed to hanging out with friends.

5. Dan and Arin are no longer as close as they once were

This one...hurts me to the core, honestly, and I so desperately don’t want it to be true...but there are a lot of signs that they are forcing their closeness, or were for a while. Again, this has to do with how I interpret the tone of recent Grumps episodes and some of the power hours, so this may be the real least plausible option from this list for some people. (I remember seeing a fic where their friendship was completely fake once in 2016 and thinking it was bullshit...then we get to 2018, and I’m not so sure). I think I’ve talked about before how some of the “gimmick” power hours (the tie dye episodes, and candy makin candy men specifically) made me feel distinctly uneasy about the state of their friendship, and while they seem more comfortable with each other now, Dan’s increased absence makes warning bells sound off in my head.

Make of this what you will. Again, these are to be treated as FUN CONSPIRACIES because I like to overanalyze things. THEY ARE NOT MEANT TO HURT THE GRUMPS, NOR AM I IMPLYING THAT ANY OF THESE ARE TRUE.

Please don’t come after me for posting this. If you come at me off anon, I will block you. Don’t test me.

[dekiiru]

okay sorry it took so long for me to write and post this, but im home now and in the silence to be able to gather my thoughts and the peace to be able to write them down. a lot of this is me working through my own thoughts as i write it so im sorry its so long, but im still a little bit confused on how to feel about this, largely, i think, due to shock.

i had no clue about almost any of the stuff julie did or said to people. i knew of the miles thing to some extent (i didnt know why miles was uncomfortable with him, i only knew about the aftereffects) and i knew about the vague story surrounding why maddy, jay and marina didnt like him, although i had never actually spoken to them before.

my initial reaction to the callout was to get defensive, because that was someone i considered my friend and although somewhere i think i knew or had some inkling that he was like this, i chalked it up to mistakes and people jealous of his popularity because i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. but the more i read the callout (i never finished it, partially because i had to take screencaps of the posts and painstakingly slowly read through them because the nature of my work makes it very difficult to focus on things for more than a few seconds at a time and partially because by the time i stopped, i had already made my decision regarding him) the more i realized that defending his actions isnt something i can, should, or would do.

and regarding the “sc/hool sho/oter” post, i live in america. in fact, i lived about 5-15 minutes away from where one of these sc/hool sho/otings happened (i lived for several years in roseburg, oregon, and the sh/ooting at u.c.c. happened a year or two after i moved to where i live now). i knew people who went there. i knew one person who died. the day it happened i broke down in the middle of marching band because i had no idea whether or not the friends i knew for three years were alive or dead and that fucking terrified me. and when it happened, i told julie over discord (because i was working when i heard about it) that i did not condone his actions or words and that it was wrong of him to say, but (and i still stand by this), it is not the place of anyone who was not even indirectly affected by a shooting to decide whether or not someone is worthy of redemption. no, julie should not have reblogged that post and while it is totally fine for you to be uncomfortable to interact with him because of it, i think only people who have been directly affected by sc/hool shoo/tings have the right to decide if he is worthy of forgiveness - for that. the rest of it is a different matter.

a few months ago i actually went through this with someone else. i wrote a callout post for daisy, a mercy blog in the overwatch fandom who deleted shortly after i wrote it. (if any of you want to see that callout, let me know and ill send it to you. i will admit here and now that there was something i shouldnt have added in there, but it was added with good intentions, but regardless, daisy’s callout really has nothing to do with the situation with julie and nothing to do with what is happening now. shes gone. im just making a connection to this situation.) it was a very similar situation; manipulation, hypocrisy, turning people against others, saving face and caring more about reputation than anything else. and while i was absolutely terrified of daisy’s situation happening again, where i get really really close with someone and then find out they manipulated the fuck out of me, i was also scared to lose friends, and i think thats a big part of why i wanted so badly to match or whatever, because i really really really wanted a place to belong, where i felt special and unique and yet part of a group and in the end that really fucked me over and made me blind to what was happening. i defended him (albeit not for long, ive only spoken to him for a few months now) for things i shouldnt have defended him for because i was terrified of losing people and im so sorry about that.

as for the callout itself: i will say that i do think there are two sides to every story. im not saying julie is a victim in this or that he is to be sympathized with, because at the end of the day, he hurt a lot of people and its good that the word was spread before more people got hurt. i dont agree that it is “a cis persons responsibility to make sure people know they are cis” because that kind of mindset will only lead to a witch hunt, but im not going to make a fuss about this because i know some other genderqueer people are more uncomfortable about cis people than i am and at the end of the day that is a personal opinion. i think some of the callout was worded with bias which probably, in some situations, did slightly twist the truth, ONLY because it is a callout and it is really difficult not to twist the truth in them even when they are written as formally as possible, HOWEVER while most of the time i disregard callouts (because a lot of them are written entirely based on personal bias because someone doesnt like someone else rather than on an actual need for people to be warned), this one was written very eloquently and very well. as someone who has been on that side of things, im really really proud of the people who contributed to it, especially those that werent afraid of giving their names out, because that is a really really hard thing to do, especially when its for someone really popular. i remember when i wrote one for daisy, i was almost sick to my stomach with the anxiety, and really pleasantly surprised when it was received much better than i expected. i am really proud of you guys, and thank you for letting me and everyone else know the truth of what happened.

however, that callout was not an attack, nor was it intended to be, and by people sending julie hate, youre just making the situation worse. i believe, in my personal opinion, that the best thing to do is to block and move on. we can come together as a community, and while julies actions wont go away, hopefully we can heal and understand from them. and i really want to thank manny for that post, because similarly to daisy, it is the people closest to the person in question who are left most in the dark. as julies friend, i had no idea about almost anything that was there and honestly, im glad now that i do. thank you for understanding that the people who associated with him are not always aware of what he did.

anyway this is really disorganized and im sorry, thats just my thoughts on the matter (as much as i can think anyway), and i hope it makes some sort of sense. i will be hardblocking julie on all of my blogs and changing the urls to both my izuku blog and my ouma blog and my icon for this blog. if you choose to continue to interact with julie, thats on you and i wont reprimand you, block you or unfollow you for it. please do not associate me with him anymore, though, add me to any groups anywhere with him, or tag me and him in the same posts.

and, as i said before, because i really want to get this point across, if you are uncomfortable with me because i interacted with him so much and so intimately and wish to hard or softblock or unfollow me, that is perfectly fine and i understand completely. i only ask if you softblock me that you let me know so that i dont accidentally follow you again, because i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable with my presence.