#ill draw for this in a million years bc i only know how to draw 4 hypmic characthers | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

memes-and-shit · 2 months

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🍁 uhhhhh, you guys can call me Gromit. that's a good-enough fake-name lol i go by they/them pronouns, i am confirmed to be over 18 years old, and that's all my info y'all get ✌️

🍁 i didn't make most of this. or any of it, really. (sometimes, i edit; but i dont consider my edits to be "i made this" bc... i didnt make the core thing i am editing) so, anything you wanna use? no need to credit me. i'd like to see what you make using it, for shits and giggles, but that's not mandatory

🍁 i try to post credit to "the little guys" i make stuff from whenever i can figure out the source

➥ some of this stuff i find second- or third-hand where i have no clue who the "little guy" that made this is; feel free to reblog to add the applicable credit, and (after i do some fact-checking, bc some people online ✨️lie✨️) then i will reblog what you said + alter the original post to now have credit. but multi-million/billion-companies, celebrities, etc?? idgaf, you can VERY easily find out who the source

🍁 most things are on a queue

🍁 i don't do requests, sorry

🍁 here's how you can make your own edits tho??

🍁 some things i edited to have captions (#my edit + #captioned); others, already had captions (just #captioned); only a few videos don't have captions (#uncaptioned)

🍁 i tag based on what my Reactions Folder's sub-folders were. thats how i organize. idc about attention; meaning, 99% of the time, idc about tagging "correctly", so it crops up under the "correct" "tumblr tag-pages"-or-whatever-theyre-called

🍁 organizational tags i use below "read more". below that are some statements too

➥ said statements table-of-contents: about helping me credit the little guys [[titled: "sources psa"]] 🍁 my opinions on when to credit an editor and whatnot, and when i will/won't credit another editor (which does explain why idgaf about y'all not crediting me when i do edits lmao) [[titled: "a potential controversy"]] 🍁

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏post-topic tags

#off theme

➥ (aka: these posts are not "memes & shit"; probably me posting a life-update or similar? idk)

#masterlist series

➥ (aka: anything i think is a mini-series of "things i have posted". i will VERY rarely do these, stuff's gotta be hyper-specific for me to feel like a masterlist is warranted. like. the first one of these i made was not just a Kylee Henke masterlist series, but a Kylee Henke's Zoobe Bunny Excerpt-Videos masterlist series. like i said, shit's got to be hyper-specific. if i made one for everything and everyone, i would get so overwhelmed so quickly, it's better this way, just let it be hyper-specific only lol)

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏post-typage tags

#my edit

➥ (aka: these are posts i "made", or at least did something to (eg. adding captions). these are like "the templates")

#my customization

➥ (aka: me applying an example of how to use "the templates". usually is from my irl life of me using these @my loved ones, and i post them here bc im a little bit too attached to wanna delete said customization entirely 👉👈🥺)

#captioned, #uncaptioned

#video

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏additional tags: my "esp for" tags

➥ (aka: the post is esp, or "especially", useful for these groups)

#esp for writers and i.f. creators

➥ (aka: posts will be applicable about writing, about discussing fictional characters, and so on)

#esp for artists

➥ (aka: posts will be applicable about doing art (the "art" in question primarily being drawing), and so on)

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏my Reaction Folders' titles ➡ now tags

my aforementioned Reactions Folders' titles:

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏sources psa

expect these to be the least consistent thing i do, ever, but sure, ill add them sometimes, i guess, when i remember/know who the source is. more likely the aforementioned "little guys" than anybody else tho, ngl. but said little guys will get credit either within the post and/or within the image/video itself; and if i forget to also tag said credit, i think that's fine. i'll still try to do it, even though i know ill be inconsistent and forgetful the little guys and big guys, but also shhhhhhh if i forget. i'm doing my best, just let my mistakes go, let it be inconsistent

➥ but also do feel free to reblog the post (if it's an aforementioned "little guy" ESPECIALLY) and help source credit! (➡ note, for said lil guys, i will fact-check at MY leisure, assuming i see your reblog notif to begin with. and if i see that your sourcing is correct: ill reblog your addition AND edit the og post. just. do me the common decency of not insulting me for forgetting to source/not knowing who to source, whichever lol

bc i do have understandable reasons for not always knowing who to source?? bc a lot of these are videos i got from tiktok accounts, tumblr posts, and other websites where the "op" of said item?? was NOT the actual original poster, and did not source the people/person/etc within the item. ans now idk who to credit too lmao rip

● which, for artists and editors-whose-edits-are-NOT-simple-edits you can tell bc that item did not match the style/s already attached to their account, and didnt say something like "trying a new style!" or whatever in the bio or comments or something. idk. people who never can "stick to one style" still have a general large encompassing area they still to, ive never gotten a "i dont really have an art-/editing-style" person confused with an art-/editing-thief. and im one of those people who constantly change up their art/edits/writing/aesthetic/etc ("idk what exact box i fit into. im just me"), which i think? maybe helps me??? on figuring out if someone is a thief or is just inconsistent/experimenting/"just being me"/whatever?? but yeah! an art-thief especially, and oftentimes also edit-thieves, tend to be pretty obvious they are a thief. even if the comments have not already caught on. bc sometimes youll see a comment outright saying "you stole this from xyz" or "you traced xyz's art/you copied xyz's edit" but not always

● several others? especially ones that were videos of irl people?? i always check out the account and, MANY times have went "..okay this account is just a compilation of memes/jokes/etc, idk. but its VERY safe to assume they are definitely reposting and are NOT the irl person in the video". the person/people in this video assumedly are unaware their video of them being a silly lil goofball they posted on their personal account is here, on an account that compiles memes and funny videos. (bc its VERY rare that an account focused on humor will post content that reveals their face and/or their loved one/s. so. safe to assume it isn't theirs.) and i do want to find the original personal account this image/video in question came from, so i do look. there's a very small margin of error where, if a video looks really old, i wont look tho bc i assume the original account it was posted on is gone and, if it really looks old enough or like enough of "that type of oops funny thing was improv'ed" gag that i think maybe it was on "America's Funniest Home Videos" or a similar clip-show on cable?? ill admit, those ones, i dont try. but if it's like "this obviously friends trying to do a silly trend on tiktok"?? yeah, of course, i look for the account that came from, absolutely. but yeah, that's the usual spectrum for those types. i rarely find, much less keep, videos i can see landing on those "America's Funniest Home Video" type of clip-shows. so, really, the only "danger" there is for being a new video featuring irl people who idk? to go uncredited AND be a rare case where i didn't even try to look for the original account?? is, again, if the low-resolution and content of the video makes me think the video is old enough to where searching would be pointless. to which i then ask, fam? why the fuck is the resolution so bad that i thought this was maybe uploaded to Vine or MySpace (or MAYBE even was a VHS mailed to early-EARLY "AFHV"? lmao imagine), the fuck lol???? but whatever, nobody's perfect, i think you can grant me this kind of margin of error if my anxiety is already willing to grant it lmao

which, ill fully admit. i care about crediting these people for my own self-interests. like, sure, i do it in no small part bc it's the nice and kind thing to at least TRY to do. but also?? i do care about ensuring that person gets a shout-out bc of my anxiety catastrophisizing the hypothetical of a post of mine blowing up and inducing me to feel massive guilt from the fact that i didnt give credit to the people who actually made the item in question so they could also share in the attention of virality. so like. i dont assume ill go viral?? i WORRY ill go viral lmao if? that?? makes sense? which. i have trauma that i know would make me hate even a quarter-of-the-way viral levels of attention would imply. and i feel like, if this account was to ever go viral (god forbid. gatekeep me. dont let it happen lol there's a significant chance i might abandon this account if that happens), i feel like one thing that would basically be destined to happen is i would get chronically-online people criticizing me for not crediting my sources and riding on other people's hard-work. which like. i know they would do anyway since im not perfect at crediting. but if i didnt even TRY, that would hurt differently in a way that'd fuck me up. never know who could be the next hypothetical Cinderella story, like how Kombucha-Girl became the p fucking famous Britney Broski (regardless on your or my own feelings on Britney Broski, she did get her fame from a jokey meme that totally changed her life). give people their credit. like. i am also doing it to be nice and kind, sure! but know that even if i felt exhausted of all my nicities and kind inklings somehow on some certain day?? my anxiety would still demand i at least TRY to find the source. like. anytime you see NO credit?? ANYWHERE??? know the day i found the image/video, i probably spent a good chunk of time between 15 to 45 minutes, out of niceness and kindness and also to appease my anxiety, trying to find the source before calling it quits and saying "at least i tried" (aforementioned exceptions and/or margin of error notwithstanding lol)

which, with everyone where i have TRIED to see if i could reverse-image-source the item?? ive had mixed results from that. sometimes, i found them; sometimes, i didn't. but feel free to try again for me. you might get the correct result a lot quicker than me!

("wha—? h- how.. would i?? get the correct result...? quicker than you...??")

well. my information im about to share with you could be outdated or incomplete, so take this with a grain of salt. but i remember in elementary school how my teacher told our class that google alters the search-results per [insert IP or whatever the technical term she said that ive forgotten is] depending on the history of searches. she told us this so that "if you can't find the answer you need, it doesn't mean you're stupid. ask a friend to check their search-results and find the answer together! it might just be google being picky about what words (or i guess the equivalent would be which frame you chose to screenshot in your and my case, since i dont think an image-file itself being uploaded could result in pickiness) you decided to use, or perhaps it's results are biasedly influenced by what the AI has learned about your family through your families' collective internet search-history". which was basically her sly way of telling us to not depend on the first results we find, or even the first page of results, but to be critical of our sources in their credibility and whatnot. so, the way i understood what she meant was via an example she proceeded to give us that went SOMETHING(?) like this:

(🅰️) a kid whose parent is a professor with a doctorate who brings work home often, meaning they use the family-wifi to research academic studies. when that kid googles "teach me about pyramids"? their results may be extremely well-regarded articles about the Egyptian pyramids (such as the New York Times), peer-reviewed journals about the Egyptian tombs history, Khan Academy and other very good mathematical sources to help you understand how pyramids work within geometry, a released study-guide of various pyramids' formulas (relating to geometry) from Harvard's math-degree program, and much more. a very good foundation for their Egyptian pyramid report for class, and the math could help with that research in breaking down those pyramids dimensions in that report which could give that student an interesting angle that puts their report from an "A" status to an "A+" status, especially if their parent can help them plug in the right numbers into the relevant formulas! very helpful

vs. (🅱️) a kid whose parent works in accounting and taxes, who strives for a healthy work-life balance of never bring work home as often as possible. as a result, the parent uses the family wifi to play pseudo-gambling-with-fake-money apps on their phones more than anything else, to de-compress and de-stress. when that kid googles "teach me about the pyramids"? their results will include some articles about the Egyptian pyramids, but maybe not as credibly-sourced since the [insert IP or whatever it was called again] with this family's wifi isn't used to finding online resources of academic credibility. in fact, the student might get confused since a lot of results might be influenced by those pseudo-gambling phone-apps, and be showing the child information about Las Vegas's pyramids. which. isn't what the report is about. and due to this parent likely having to still bring work home sometimes, like during tax season or other stressful crunch-times, there might be way more math results about pyramids (geometry) than about the Egyptian pyramids. but accountants don't use geometry in their work, they use more basic arithmetic and algebra. so the formulas about the pyramids (geomtry) here would only talk about the pyramids of Egypt as part of the word-problems. so even if the parent was to also have the availability to help the kid plug in the accurate applicable numbers into the formula? those formulas are more likely to be not give a full picture of how to calculate the Egyptian pyramids' size and dimensions. and that's if the kid has the right numbers written down as they might have the dimensions for those Las Vegas pyramids instead, and feels inspired by these online results to even try to do this math (as the lack of "training the computer" to look for reliable articles means these word-problem results are more likely to be blank homework page examples, but could also include walk-throughs here and there like the Kid-A recieved plenty of). but those Egyptian pyramid articles, the most important part of this whole paper, are ALSO more likely to be from less reliable sources with perhaps incorrect information (bc people online like to lie. bc it is fun. but also sometimes people online think they are right when they actually fundamentally misunderstand something), like maybe Kid-B sees enough articles by conspiracy theorists on those unreliable websites that Kid-B thinks "aliens built the Egyptian pyramids" is a more seriously considered and debated topic of academic discussion than it is (which.. it's not. that actually has gotten the famous "Aleins" History Channel Meme Guy fired from his job bc his outspoken belief in this theory cpuld have risked his university's reputation and accreditation. so. yeah, no, Kid-B, those are not academic articles). overall, unless either the parent or Kid-B themselves catches that Kid-B has to sort through a lot more "proverbial litter" to find good, ACTUALLY academic, and ACTUALLY reliable sources of information about the Egyptian pyramids and Egypt's history, Kid-B could fail their report. even if they spent just as long on research and worked just as hard as Kid-A, all bc Kid-B was ignorant to their digital disadvantages and Kid-A unknowingly advantaged. all bc of that [thing with IP or AI or whatever it was called] and what it had learned from the family wifi what the assumed interests of its users would be. a feature no kid could easily turn off/on

which worked at making the kids in our class write down these Definitively Reliable Websites where we could search for accredited articles and peer-reviewed sources. i dont remember what they were back then, we were only in 5th or 4th grade. but it was a great lesson to be taught, im frankly shocked and a bit appalled that more kids were not taught this kind of syuff when teachers are first helping students learn how to research. everyone NOT from that class (even kids who did go to the same elementary school, but jusy did not have that teacher) all have been shocked as i am usually the first one to tell people about how, yeah, that's an aspect of how many (if not all) search-engines work

anyway. the information stuck with all of us from that class, as far as i can tell (a lot of us in that class attended the same middle and high school. like. at least 40% of us, if not a LOT more. so there was a rare time or two where id talk about this and i wouldn't be The First Person To Ever Tell Someone This Search-Engine Info. and every time it was bc the peer in question i just told would go "oh! yeah, i remember [insert name of other kid that i shared that elementary teacher with] said the same to me, like, last year!" or something. but that WAS rare so idk), or at least it always stuck with me. and i was one of the luckier kids who didn't NEED to know the info! and it still has stuck with me all these years later, even the examples of Kid-A and Kid-B!! like! i was on Kid-A's side of the spectrum WAY more than i was to Kid-B's side of the spectrum. my family definitely "trained the computer" in a way i got massive benefits from. like im talking i either was 100% Kid-A, 0% Kid-B or else i was a very minimal mix like maybe 93% Kid-A, 07% Kid-B levels of "minimal". yet still, whenever i find i distrust the google results on my phone, if im next to a friend, ill ask them to google the same thing i did to see if their first page of results looks better than mine and very often we DO get different search results! so!! even if i dont get how that works, that teacher was still right!

brief tangent: im convinced this is how some of my friends that are girls who do the whole "i can stalk your would-be-date like a Private Eye and find out information down to a C.I.A. level about if this person is worthy of being assumed to be trustworthy or not" benefit from this. like they themsleves have trained their phones (with their own dates and friends' dates and even co-workers/other acquantices' dates) or something to be AWESOME and THAT FAST at pulling up the results most likely to give them all of this stranger's private info. it's wild

anyway, screenshot or download the png or jpeg or whatever (or screenshot a frame from a video) to try to find the source if you think the lack of credit on the post implies i cant find it (bc it's either that or i forgot. which. "forgot" could mean "i have the source but didnt realize i didnt put it in the post" OR "i once had the source but now forgot who to credit this to and can't find them, oh no". so. good chance i likely need help even if it was an "oh, i forgot" type of mistake). you may have a better trained [whatever the tech is, if not IP, idk] than me at reverse-image-searching to find the people and/or company the item in question is originally from. who knows. go give it a try! what's the worst that could happen? lol

but yeah, when the source is obviously. like. Walt Disney Studios or like Pixar or Warner Brothers or RDJ or Nicholas Cage or whoever the fuck then like?? i didn't put credit bc they don't need the shout-out, you very well probably recognize the actor/studio/product they are in if it's something real mainstream that tou onlt know bc of pop culture osmosis, they got millions or billions of money as pocket-change, im not stressing myself out with crediting EVERYONE since crediting "everyone" doesn't affect "everyone" equally. im only worried about the people who not getting a shout-out could potentially very negatively affect (aka: the little guys). im not gonna stress about "the big guys" lol they're rich, they're easy to find, they're fine lmao

if you DO need help finding the source from "a big guy" that i posted about, just go @ me in a post and ask (or, hell, reblog the post that came from me and @ me in the said reblog. you can delete it after i answer you). i know i have Asks/Submits/Replies/etc turned off. (its bc i dont want to be accessible to everyone ever all the time lmao that feels stressful. so this One Public Avenue being the only way you could ask me means you gotta REALLY wanna know in order to get a hold of me). i do ask y'all don't do it for "a little guy" bc ill probably ignore you if i already tried to find said little guy and am ashamed that my labor was in vain (but if i do know the source for sure, like i still fully remember their info— and just simply forgot to credit said lil guy, then ill absolutely reply to you and edit the og post). know i check this blog VERY infrequently and may genuinely miss your question or answer it A LONG TIME after you @'ed me. so like. dont get mad if i take forever to reply?? or never reply? nobody wants to help someone who is entitled and gets mad at someone else for [not wanting to reply/didn't know they had something to reply to/took a long time to reply to but did reply]. mad or passive-aggressive. ive blocked people for less lol but yeah. just be polite to strangers, in general, of course, but also to strangers in predicaments like mine who have lives that take priority outside of a meme-y joke-y sideblog lol

to reiterate: feel free (but no pressure) to help if and when you can if you notice there was no credit for a lil guy on my blog pls? thanks 🫶

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏a potential controversy

i think my lines with who i decide to credit and who i dont are overall pretty clear. and i think it helps that, the way i see it, im not a hypocrite about my ideas of who to credit and who not to: bc things do get dicey when it comes to crediting people with small edits. yet i also dont insist on any credit for any of my own edits, bc i also see my edits as p fucking small. which might get SOME people mad on principle should they disagree with my overall perspective. regardless, this bit here will VERY likely be my one and only statement about it

but i do fully admit i dont quite know THE qualative line exactly? but let's establish what i mean via examples. if an account is posting a clip-compilation of "Digital Circus" and they did a "all the times Jax was sassy for 3 minutes" or something, meaning they did splice and edit this compilation together (that is one chunk of editing they did in of itself). but then they also added tiny edits, like i know its common for tiktok funny-scene-compilation-editors to have one the said simple edits just be a "🙄😒" next the character rolling their eyes (in this case, Jax). in my mind?? even tho this editor did add these kind of very minimal additions to the content at hand? and im just profiting off of the convenience of "oH YEAH, i wanted this scene clipped to use for reactions/memes! i just was putting it off bc i didnt know its time-stamp" and i use any clips, those with "🙄😒" edits and otherwise, where the most editing *i* then do afterwards is like add captions? i still see that as "the source belongs to 'Digital Circus' as there were no significant edits done to alter the material". i'm not crediting the editor that i benefited from the clip-compilation of. that's part of why i also walk what i talk in saying "if i subtitled or edited additionally to anything on this blog? you do not have to credit me. i barely did anything. i just added text, maybe with some effects done to said text to reflect volume/tone/pitch or whatever, and maybe a couple emojis/pictures were overlayed. that's nothing. i try to caption most things for accessibility. and sometimes i feel like being a goofball and i add other things ontop of it. bur nothing worthy of crediting me". bc, in the case of my edits and other people's similarly small edits? is the gag 10 times out of 10 is all still on the original content. but we start talking about an edit as in someone made an AMV?? (as in they had to splice in time to the music and maybe did other edits in addition to elevate the AMV. not as in "look, i put music behind this otherwise unedited clip" lol) or someone heavily edited this non-AMV clip of Jax to have, idk, silly meme-y circus-music ontop of having done manips of a rainbow clown wig and nose to follow his every head-motion and then ALSO did the classic DUN-meme-sound reverberation with camera-shake and black-white filter after Jax's dumbest expressions or lines?? that. that is SO MUCH editing and definitely changes the clip to where i am absolutely sourcing both "Digital Circus" and that editor. both of the AMV and circus-Jax

so, again, idk exactly where the qualitative line is. but i do have one where i refuse to fuck over people who have edited the original content to the point that now the audience is there for this person's editing skills, and not bc of the original content within the clip/s used. does that make sense?? i hope that makes sense. this is my one and only statement im gonna make about it anyway lol i think my reasoning is sound. if your content is heavily relient on the original content being as unedited as possible but you just added a few things on the "🙄😒"-level to be a goofball? keep doing what you're doing, im not going to yuck your yum (especially since i am identical to you and i also love to add a bit of razzle-dazzle lol). but im not going to credit you, the credit goes to the people who made the said original content that this "🙄😒"-and-adjacent-edits dont alter or anything. it's still like 90% the original show's clip?? come on lmao you and i can both live without the credit. feel free to take my edits and add them to your account "so i see how it feels". it's still almost entirely the original show, so ive made my peace with rarely/never getting credit for my small edits or subtitles bc like.. it's still 90% the original show??? i did basically nothing. i just had fun, have a clip i can throw into discord or a text-conversation for a tee-hee with my loved one, and have given other people permission to benefit from this side-blog's collection and possible captioning. again, come on lol the editors who actually changed the content so much with their skills that, other than that they used the original show like a collage artist benefits from magazines and whatnot, they've DEFINITELY changed more than 90% of the content to the point that their viewers are having a different experience with this editor than they would be watching the original show or its clips. come on lmao

#off theme

0 notes

unsafecoma · 4 months

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YAYAYYA i wanted to do madamemiz's ask game about the DCA because i llike them 🫶 UNDER THE CUT !! ! !! ! !!!

how did you get here?

my hyperfix on the dca started earrrly january this year because i played hw2 and was promptly swept off my feet and ive been sick over them since. id played it before , but started playing again bc i wanted too 100% the game! oh if only id known !!

2. why these characters in particular? what was the hook for you?

originally it was Sun that hooked me onto both of them. hes just so silly!! and such a prissy bitch!! and i love it!! plus i love the idea of 2 separate ids in one body, thats always fun to mess with 😋

3. how long have you been here?

since early january of this year!! though, im not SUPER active in the fandom itself. i just silently enjoy fanart/fics , and VERY RARELY draw and post on my art bog. im not a big participator in fandom itself, im perfectly comfy just watching.

4. have you actually played fnaf sb?

NO. and i do not plan to. the game is too buggy to pay 40 bucks for it, plus i really dont wanna give scott anymore money (fuck you scott cawthon i hate you scott cawthon a million plagues upon you and your life scott cawthon) so ill pass. im perfectly fine with just watching videos.

5. if you make content, what's your favorite piece you've contributed?

THIS POST!! i love vocaloid, and i love the dca, and whats better than combining the two? i was especially proud of myself bc these were animations, which is something i NEEEVERRR to, so id say i was pretty damn happy with these!!

6. what's your favorite sort of art or fic? what genre/flavor/style?

ive still yet to actually read any fics abt the dca (im in the process of reading one about djmm rn <3 its so good i love it so much <333) but im a sucker for angst w/a happy end (the heart wants what the heart wants, and who am i to deny ?)

7. what's your favorite au?

i like aquatic aus for the dca!!!!! i love seeing all the different designs ppl give them ... i also rlly like cowboy/western aus too :)

8. do you have any ocs, or have any ocs you're fond of?

not yet, but ive absolutely thought about it!! maybe one day ... (for now though, im happy with my silly little technician s/i hehe)

9. what do you think of the dca's canon appearance? Scary? Cute? Something else?

I LOVE THEM I THINK THEYRE SO PRETTYYYYYYYYYY i dont really see them as scary from looks alone tbh, like MAYBE moon but it'd have to be rlly dark so it was just his glowing eyes visible. other than that they are just silly billys cutie patooties to me. id pinch their cheeks if i could (i mean i know u can but. ykwim)

10. what keeps you in this fandom despite the very small amount of canon content the dca had?

im kept sane by both my own brain's constant thoughts abt these robots, and also the art and writing made by other fans!! i 🫶 images.

11. be honest: if you had to pick only one, sun or moon?

:( i GUESS sun, if i HAD to choose, only bc Moon's the one with the virus. it feels so wrong to separate them. you wound me.

12. thoughts on eclipse?

I LOVE THEM!!!!!!! i hc that eclipse isnt one whole robot, but its a state of being where sun and moon are both comfortably, equally in control of the body. so like ... in a WAY they could seem blended into one whole ai, but theyre both still in there, and have moments of one overtaking the other, while still as "eclipse".

13. thoughts on pre-glitch sun?

I feel like pre glitch Sun was juuust starting to get a bit overworked and burnt out, like right before the virus (and afterwards, it jsut got worse and worse). i think the DCA are genuinely good at taking care of kids, they just slip up often and arent absolutely perfect at it (unlike how they would be, if they were actually made to be caretakers and not theater animatronics). sometimes Sun is too loud, having to constantly remind himself to lower his voice when around more meek kids in the daycare.

he definitely has his moments where he needs to correct himself and remember that he is taking care of young kids, but all in all, i feel like Sun was pretty good at taking care of the kids (much better than he was when he was first moved to the daycare, since i can imagine he was VERY, VERY BITTER about being moved from the theater, but its not like being a theater animatronic was synonymous with despising children, so he wouldn't HATE them or anything yk ??)

14. thoughts on pre-glitch moon?

YKNOW I WONDER does moons voice sound like that bc of the virus, or is that just his voice ? nonetheless, i feel like Moon was good with his job, and maybe a bit better than Sun, only bc i feel like handling naptime would come with less struggles than daytime activities.

Moon was probably so much more gentle, less hunched over and 'scary-looking' when he moved, and rather than punishing kids for not sleeping he just ... actually helped them sleep. yknow ? whether its holding and rocking some of the younger kids to help them sleep better, or maybe one of the kids has something on their mind that wont let them sleep, i feel like Moon was actually really good at his job.

im firm on believing the DCA is actually good at taking care of kids due to what cassie says about the AR sun/moon plushies!! theyre good at their job!!! to a degree LOLLLL

15. do you interpret sun and moon as two sides of the same person, or truly two separate beings in one body? does it matter?

i interpret them as two separate beings in one body!! i like this interpretation, it feels more fun to work with and is oddly cathartic? emotional? interesting? theres just so much emotion that comes with sharing a body with an entire other identity, knowing that you and them are tightly knit together, whether you want to be or not, because no matter what, you have them, and they have you, and you're stuck with one another. and yes, you and them are different, but you bleed into one another at some parts, at some angles the yellow and blue smudge, and sometimes you struggle to see where 'you' starts, and 'they' begin.

i love love love thinking about how they experience sharing a body with one another, how they maneuver the world and their thoughts. ITS SO FUN!!! THEY MAKE ME SICK.

16. what's something in the fandom you'd like to see more of?

WAITER!!! WAITER!! MORE PRISSY BITCH SUN PLEASE!!! ill literally never ever get enough of it.

17. what's something in the fandom you'd like to see less of?

this is ENTIRELY just me, but seeing the dca act all suave and sexy feels mischaracterizing. this tweet literally captures how i feel perfectly

like OB VI OUS LY have fun and do what ur little heart desires, never ever am i gonna bash someone for DOING THAT, but whenever i see them drawn sexily and with abs or anything like that it just makes me wonder if we have the same character in mind. you dont get them like i do. we are playing with our touys in different corners.

18. anything you're looking forward to?

THE MOON NIGHTLIGHT. i have the sun one already and i NEED the moon one so he isnt alone :( i hope they fix up the coloring on the moon one, bc the dark bit looks so weird and messy (im assuming it only looks like that since it was the first look at him, but still!!! i think they should just make him all white, and not make the NIGHT LIGHT dark in some areas, lol???)

19. do you think you'd actually get along with the dca if you met them irl?

this is one of those rare times where i DO think i would get along with them, or at least Sun!! i feel like id definitely be super duper anxious first meeting them, like the enthusiasm levels are a bit jarring, but i really do feel like i could get along with Sun (and maybe Moon ... if this is pre-virus, then more likely, but if its while Moon has the virus .. .. . . . . .. .. .. .. mauybe.)

20. free space! talk about whatever's on your mind!

if i think about the dca and their room and state of neglect for too long i get sick. i get insane and curl into a little ball like a roly poly. they make me so sick. i hate them i need to bite them.

also genderfunny aroace dca forever and ever. ok? 🫶

#orig. post #IM SO SORRY IF THIS SHOWS UP IN THE TAGS I DONT WANT TO PUT SLASHES IN EVER INSTANCE OF THEIR NAMES ☹️#OP OF THIS ASK GAME THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE QUESTIONS THEY WERE SO FUN TO ANSWER!!!!!#it got my brain thinking :3

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im-a-goddamn-cat · 1 year

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putting this under read-more bc it is a lot of self hate and internalized bigotry (towards myself)... and also bc ik no one gives a shit about me and my stupid issues. but tldr: i'm thinking about k!lling myself bc of how much of a freak/loser i am

i'm a freak i'm a fucking freak and a massive loser. i can't relate to anyone bc i'm so fucking different i don't fit in anywhere

why did i have to be born broken sexually and romantically. why am i not as interested in sex/romance as everyone else. i'm 23 and have never dated or had sex and idk if i ever want to or not. but whether i want to or not it doesn't matter bc even if i do, i'll forever be seen as the fucking loser late-bloomer who didn't have sex/romantic relationship until later in life. and if i do end up never pursuing it, then i'll always be seen as the fucking freak who is broken and unfulfilled. i can't win no matter what. also it's so weird, i feel like i experience attraction to everyone (bi) but also no one at all (aroace)??? also i've never seen a gyno but i think i might have vaginismus so not only am i broken sexually in my mind but also physically. and ik there's ways to treat it but i get no fucking privacy with medical stuff even tho i'm 23 years old and i don't want my parents finding out so i'm fucking stuck with this for who tf knows how long.

also my gender is confusing like i am a (cis) woman but also i'm not. i can't relate to anyone gender-wise both cis or trans or whatever. i am so fucking weird that i don't even fit in with other gnc/gender variant ppl. idek how i want to present or "transition" or anything bc i'm constantly changing my mind.

i'm behind on life. i've only ever had two jobs but i wasn't at them long bc i'm a fucking mentally ill loser who couldn't handle the anxiety. i didn't start college until 20 years old and at 23 i'm only just now gonna start the degree program i want to do. i didn't get my driver's license until 19 years old.

i'm 23 years old but it doesn't feel like i am bc i don't get all the privileges of being an adult and i still have to have my mom help me with many things bc i'm too fucking stupid and socially anxious to do stuff on my own.

everyone else is getting so ahead in life and getting to do what they want but i'm behind and stuck here.

i'm not talented like other ppl, i can't draw, my writing sucks, i suck at editing, etc. like. i fucking suck

i'm ugly, i'm not pretty at all. i have a skin condition and stretch marks and stuff all over my body and i'm slightly chubby. no one woul find me attractive.

no one loves/likes me or cares about me. i have always been left out and ignored by everyone for as long as i can remember, both irl and online. i'm so socially awkard, i can't hold a conversation. i'm not cool or interesting. also when i vent, i always get ignored or just told "go to therapy" while when anyone else does the same thing, they have a million ppl rushing to make them feel better.

there's probably more i'm forgetting but jfc i hate myself, i want to be fucking dead so bas

#dont fucking report me for su!cidal shit again btw #tumblr already gave me a warning i dont want to get terminated just for venting on my own fucking blog #meowing #negative #aspec tag #mspec tag #gender tag #queer #lgbt #lgbtqia #lgbt+#lgbtqia+#mogai

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bow-wow-wark-wark · 3 years

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Ok so when I get a hyper fixation I start making like an intense amount of aus for it and recently I've been thinking of this hypmic dorohedoro au I have.... it's not really that thought out but here's who's who

Dice as kaiman

Rio as nikaido

Jakurai as kasukabe

Otome as chidaruma

Ichijuku as en

Nemu as kikurage (shes probably not a dog in this tho idk)

Jyuto as shin

Samatoki as noi

Fujita as doppo, alternatively (or as a double roll) as shou

Hifumi as ebisu tho he could also be turkey (also double rolling)

Kuuko as risu

Ichiro as aikawa

Jiro as dokuga

Saburo as tetsujo

Rei as the boss of the cross eyes (by extension also hole I guess)

Jyushi as natsu

Ramuda as haru (tho he wouldnt be married to jakurai in this one)

Sasara as Asu

Gentaro as kirion

Hitoya as tanba (tho he could also be bauks)

Rosho as 13

Separate from this au, kinda, but still fitting dynamic wise would be hitoya as en, ebisu as kuuko and fujita as jyushi

#i know tanba and kirion arent as important but idk where to put hitoya and gentaro.....#gentro as Johnson/j #the bat thing is based only on that bit where ebisu is like en give me money and hes like if you stop bottering me #bc it gives me kuuko hitoya vibes #hypmic #ramble post #ill draw for this in a million years bc i only know how to draw 4 hypmic characthers #when it happens you better be ready tho #this is a very treasured au of mine tbh #i honestly only have like 4 hypmic aus but still #i could talk about this so much except i sorta couldnt but i sorta could

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swimfuel · 3 years

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okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut

i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)

general status quo stuff:

signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home

he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough

his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw

the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat

they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa

they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age

kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine

(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)

and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way

they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly

karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house

i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat

but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach

and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns

and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration

i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits

kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)

karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.

i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]

the Blood rant:

i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together

i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]

OKAY wow that got tangential anyways

SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:

kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years

another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children

okay so here's more status quo stuff:

the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)

the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young

the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town

the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots

the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though

the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by

feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life

so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while—mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)

it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)

in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady

kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons

meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her

okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well

he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter

kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step

hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself

so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake

GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all

more little details:

vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad

karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school

jade is one of nepeta's best online friends

sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it

the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa

kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not

karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep

and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:

signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters

nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away

the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out

more random hcs this time with kids:

kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals

also nepeta + jade online besties

also bec can inexplicably still teleport

the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell

actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things

aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting

meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread

#humanstuck #vantas family #.

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philosophicalparadox · 3 years

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For the ship ask! Mefiama~

4 (I've been dying thinking about the first time Amaimon formed and his first meeting with Mephisto, nevermind that Meph probly saw him popping into existence a million timelines lol)

29 (bc one of my favorite things in Unbecoming was how Amaimon acted the minute he sensed weakness in Mephisto ;D)

and 39 for a given definition of "love" XD

Gonna answer these a bit out of order because it hurts my brain not to.

WARNING: If you're looking for fluffy stuff you won't find it here. (You know me). Samael has serious trust issues, and quite literally has poison in his name, so is in my mind incredibly toxic on multiple fronts.

Also this post is really long.

First the Neutral one:

29. How do they handle emergencies/injuries/sicknesses?

Independently. Neither wants to be anywhere near each other if they are inhibited in some way. Both are predators inhabiting the bodies of prey, and while Samael sees weakness in others as a hindrance to himself, Amaimon is a scavenger with a big appetite and a not too fussy diet. He also is triggered by his instinct to fit into a place in the pecking order, which means if there's an empty space above him, he will be inclined to fill it.

Now on their own, Amaimon will lick his wounds in as solitary a confinement as possible, preferring to retreat underground, or barring that, to be as far away from contact as possible. It depends a lot on the circumstances, but he would typically rather be alone. However, if he is offered help he is surprisingly cooperative about it. His isolation is less a matter of pride and more a matter of safety, and while he will get very grumpy and defensive at first, he will gladly accept aid that proves to be no threat to him. After all, the longer he is injured for, the longer he is out of the running, and ironically , the more attention he brings to his absence, particularly by Samael.

Samael is a nitroglycerin laced cookie when it comes to injury or illness. He puts on a placid face and pretends nothing is out of the ordinary, but truth be told he's an anxious, boiling mess inside, and spends 99% of his time in a state of forced disassociation. He doesn't like to be seen as weak or vulnerable, which is why he battles the instincts that tell him to hide or retreat; like Amaimon, his absence would draw more attention to his wounds than his continued presence, only there are far more eyes on him, adding to the pressure. That said though, one can only fight those instincts for so long. Samael is the master of masking his pain and discomfort in theory, but the fact he does so only adds to it; eventually the stress must find a release, making him wildly unpredictable and prone to snapping at people with varying degrees of violence with seemingly no warning. He professes and complains to be doted on and given every comfort possible, but again, this is a ruse, meant to fool himself as well as others into believing he is capable of swift and smooth recovery, or that he isn't as badly hurt as he actually is. It's a placation of the masses of watchful stares and suspicious muttering. The truth is far more ugly however, and the more hurt he gets, the less able he is to hide his distress and discomfort. He accepts aide as a platitude, but is a very uncooperative patient whenever serious matters need to be taken into consideration. He's also mortally terrified of anesthesia, because it strips him entirely of his autonomy, and that is ultimately what makes him difficult to deal with as a patient as well - lack of control.

39.a Who initiated the relationship? b. Who kissed who first? c. When was the first realization of love made?

A. According to the fic/headcannon lore I've got jotted down somewhere, (explaining Amaimons initial incarnation) Samael technically was the one to initiate it, as he is the one who pulled Amaimon from the North Sea. However, it was Amaimon who began the unfortunate series of events surrounding his affection for Samael. The boy wanted his attention and praise, and began seeking it out in various ways, ultimately and accidentally developing his now typical courtship routine in the process. This routine has variability depending on who he is wooing, but is basically a combination of showing off + gifts (usually starts with food, if that fails then he finds what works) + excited body language / suggestive body language + touching, raking, nipping, grappling, suggestive attempts to mount, etc. Rinse and repeat as many times as necessary.

B. Amaimon did not understand what kissing was until Samael "explained" it to him, so there ya go.

C. This is where things get really dark in their relationship. Samael 1k years ago is not as kind or tolerant, and is terrified beyond all reason or sense of being close to people. It took a long time for Amaimon, who is also afraid of closeness, to open up his shell and find that he felt some intimate connection with Samael, who for all the world wanted to ignore that connection and will it away. When that did not work, and Amaimon began to foolishly take the initiative to really deepen their emotional bonds by way of persistently courting him and, in the way of any naive child, cling to him, Samael did not know nor care to even try and understand how to handle it. Amaimon loves him - that fact stared him in the face every day, no matter how much he willed it away, so he began to push. Verbally, emotionally, and physically, he pushed Amaimon, pushed his love, away. Violently, viciously at times, he pushed him away, until it drove him away. Amaimon eventually gave up and left for greener, less painful pastures, coming back together with Samael after many centuries apart.

Wiser Samael never did apologize, even to this day, but has come to terms with his nasty treatment of Amaimon. This is why he tolerates things from Amaimon that would surely see anyone else dead; (e.g punching him in the face) it's the only way he knows how to apologize without losing face. He still won't admit that he cares about Amaimon, because he tries very hard not to. But he can accept the fact that he acted the way he did out of fear, and that he did something very wrong to someone that didnt deserve it. Does that mean he wouldn't do it twice? Hell no. But he is aware it is his fault, even if he'll never admit that to anyone else.

4. First Impressions of each other?

Samael didnt know why he pulled the demon from the water, but he was glad he did. Something told him that this boy was his kin. He knew the name Amaimon, but didnt know his face until then. Being the space/time being he is, he was aware to a degree of the reputation which preceded that name, but wasn't sure who he would be dealing with at such an early stage in the young Amaimon's life. Therefore he had an optimistic but cautious approach, hoping he could make use of this lost baby demon.

Amaimon was impressed by Samael, who of course tried to make himself seem as impressive as possible. Amaimon was surprised that Samael knew his name, and how much he seemed to know about the situation he had left behind. But that's not all he knew. He knew something about everything, and had something from practically everywhere.

When they reconveined again after their separation, not much had changed.

And with that this dramatically long post draws a close. I will be posting snippets of the lore on here once it's complete.

#ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #mephisto pheles #fanfiction #amaimon #fan theory #ask response

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mikkaeus · 3 years

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fics across fandoms that i have reread >2 times that are >40k words:

(as you can maybe tell i am currently drowning in nostalgia) ((ok this is long as shit and no one’s gonna read it but does anyone remember the destiel fic a room of one’s own???))

merthur: lost count, would still reread: the student prince, the wasting game lost count but would probably not reread to the end now: pianos are made for falling, we are all diamonds lost count how many times i attempted to finish this series but always stalled before the end because it’s 1.3 million words and i always had to read it from the start each time: loaded march. i think i made it to like.. 700k the last and final time.

hp: here’s the pencil, make it work (drarry, ~4x), if them’s the rules (lost count. harry & tom riddle (platonic). the only wip here & the only one without a main romantic pairing. i’ve kept up with this for 6 years now. 200k words, stalled at 41/83 chapters that started in 2011, updated a little over a year ago. if it an update comes out ill cry)

johnlock: saving sherlock holmes (lost count), nature and nurture (~3x)

mdzs (exception: these are all n=2 and 20-40k mainly bc newer fandom + active author community on twitter resulting in it being easy to find many excellent fics, so im more inclined to cut down my tbr than reread): the montreal trip (sxx), attempting the impossible (wwx&jc), hunters seeking solid ground (wangxian)

honorary ments for extremely memorable fics: - a room of one’s own (destiel... the last time i read this would be nearly 6 years ago jesus. why do i remember so much of it. the wings. the car. the frolicking bunnies. cas lowering his blood pressure too much and nearly passing out. weapons grade denial and miscommunication. it really had it all.) - stop my heart by wowoashley (taek00k) (don’t ask. though if anyone knows/remembers the drama im all ears bc i remember one time i got super obsessed with trying to figure out what happened w/this author but now ive forgotten again) - fucking beijing (i cant remember the actual title) (merthur. i am still in love with this. all-time favourite under 20k.) - alone in the water (johnlock. was this the first time i ever cried reading fic???) - that one sterek fic where stiles is a broke college student and he makes meals in tupperwares for derek for $$. (i actually read quite a few sterek fics in like 2014 but none of them made that much of an impression on me) - codename MONSTER (chanba3k (EXO). eternal wip i believe. this was in 2017? i was so enamoured with this universe that i offered to beta (another fic) for the author so theyd write faster. that’s when i found out that perfectionism combined with a lack of imagination does not mix very well with beta-ing.

(censored the kpop ones bc i dont want to draw the attention of rabid fourteen year olds)

#ramblings #i need to shut the fuck up and do my flashcards so i can sleep #gently screams #i feel like these fics sum up my entire personality

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mimithings97 · 5 years

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Heartache (M)

Summary: You didn’t know such a feeling was so real, so vivid, so hurtful. But it had happened and happened to you before you could stop it. Tae had become written into your life hard and fast, so when you leave you question that maybe, just maybe, you weren’t willing to unwrite him.

Pairing: Taehyung x Y/N

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff

Warnings: Heartache for starters, Unprotected sex, Oral (male receiving), Swearing, Nude modelling, Taehyung’s a sappy mess, Mentions of Alcohol

Word Count: 6k

A/N: Can’t lie in saying how morbid it is that I enjoy writing angst. It’s light angst though and a lot lighter than how fucking whipped Tae is at the end. Much love for the bub though, so, enjoy x

Ahhh jungkook features as well forgot to mention. Still love him. Nothings changed there.

Heartache.

Cringy, you once thought to yourself.

How could you be so dependent, so set and so immersed in something that your heart actually aches?

It didn’t make sense to you until the day words were spoken that couldn’t be taken back, bags were reluctantly packed and more tears were shed than there is water in the Thames. Heartache was real, vivid and the hardest thing you have ever had to live through in your 24 years of life. 3 weeks of a deep set dropping in your stomach that couldn’t be shaken despite the booze intake, the occasional listening to his voicemails and the relentless tears.

Your mother told you that if you built up too many walls it would hurt so much more when someone knocked them down. You had told Taehyung this on the first date, your first date, ever, with any man. You had always drawn a line between pleasure and dependency, settling for short flings and the occasional online relationship (purely for the sexting) instead of the commitment and responsibility that weighed on vulnerable shoulders when you bear your entire self to another in a relationship. Taehyung knew this. But he fell and you fell harder. You fell completely and utterly under his spell for three years.

And then he told you he wanted to marry you. Bastard didn’t even propose, just mentioned that one toxic word of marriage and you instantly laid the bricks of that wall he had so unceremoniously knocked down all those years ago.

It felt so adult yet so childish leaving someone over the concept of marriage, but when talks of marriage turn to talks of children and one party wants something completely different to the other, what kind of relationship is there to continue.

So three weeks later, just as the physical pain of emptiness and heartache has begun ebbing away, the emotional trauma of your decision begins to cave in on you.

To Jungkook:

11:31pm

You: I know I said I’d stop this

You: But I really dont know if this is worth the pain

You: His mum sent me a get well soon card today bc he told her i was ill and that’s why i hadn’t visited

You: I’m never going to not love him

You: How does anyone get over this shit its not fair

11:35pm

Guk: Oh noona

Guk: It’ll take lots and lots of time and lots and lots of tubs of ice cream and wine but youre both adults who want different things and not everything is meant to be

Guk: Sacrifice for the greater good right

11:35pm

You: There’s no fucking greater good here

You: I hate this

11:37pm

Guk: Noona you know that down the road hyung wants children. I don’t think marriage was that big, but he’s always wanted to be a dad

Guk: It’s not fair of him to ask you to have something you don’t want but its also not fair to leave him without the thing he’s always desired the most

11:40pm

You: Its just too hard to take

You: It feels like three years for jack shit

11:41pm

Guk: If you’re really struggling that much, noona, talk to him. I know he wants to talk to you still, he’s tried to contact you everyday. Maybe it will give you some closure or just help you see what’s right

11:41pm

You: Love you

Your phone is down as soon as Jungkook mentioned talking to him. How could you take one step forward and a million steps back by talking to him? It would be like hanging just what you want right in front of you but no touching, no talking to them after that 5 minutes of hell, no seeing them ever again. Closure is what you need but never what you’ll want.

The sheets that surround you, nuzzled closely into your neck and still unwashed even after three weeks just to keep that tiny scent of Tae over you naked skin, warm you to the point your eyes drift. You don’t mean to fall asleep so easily, but when every little action weighs so heavy on you during the day, sleep comes too easily. However, so does the nightmares of crawling alone in the black abyss.

---------------------------------------------

Resuming work was never easy on a broken soul, but alas, here you were, with three weeks of sick pay under your belt you’d rather not have and 20 children at your feet.

Ironic isn’t it.

You break up with the only man you’ve ever loved because you can’t face a future of settling down with children, yet you wake up at the fucking godforsaken hour of 6 am to tend to a bunch of five and six years olds every day. No, you didn’t hate children, but they weren’t the joy of your life either. You were good at your job and you had this mad psychological complex that if you could help a child at five or six like you had so desperately needed at that age, then maybe you’d make their life just that little bit easier and that little bit brighter. Taehyung always found your reason for working so admirable - fuck that look of pure adoration in his eyes when you told him - so he found it equally hard to come to terms with when you told him the opposite. When you told him you couldn’t have your own children because the responsibility scared you. His ears were ringing at the point where you told him you also didn’t want to share him and his kindness, even so, the damage had been done, whatever the reasoning.

“Y/N! Jennie said you were back,” it’s a tight smile from you and a loose hug, but it’s amazing you’ve managed that with the way your head is far from in the room let alone the conversation at hand. “God, I hope you’re better, you were out for a while.”

You squeeze a weak laugh out, “Yeh, it wasn’t all that fun.”

“For a second me and Jennie were thinking you might be pregnant.” The heartache subsides, rivalled by the very distinct feeling of sickness. The ball of energy in front of you persists in conversation, but it’s to drowned ears and for a second you think you’ll faint.

You miss your name being called. Shit, you don’t even know where it’s coming from, because the all-consuming feeling of this tide of emotions has swept you far from your spot in the classroom. Marie in front of you still calls, asking if you’re okay, but it’s the tug on your skirt, not harsh, but enough to garner a reaction that casts your eyes down.

“Miss Y/N?”

It’s Jojo, eyes wide and glaring up at you, still clung to the material of your skirt.

“Miss Y/N, why are you crying?”

You instantly draw the back of your hand to your face and it catches a cascading tear, much to your shock. You face must morph into a mortified expression at the thought of so carelessly crying at work, in the presence of the kids you look after with a smile and a skip in your step each day.

“Miss Y/N, it’s okay to cry. You can draw with me if you feel crying…” he shakes his head, “sad. Sad I mean.”

You feel Marie’s hand on your back, but Jojo’s eyes sweep you into a frenzy of more tears before you find yourself kneeling on the floor by the table. His table, where he sits alone each day, with paper and paints, or pencils, or chalk, sometimes he just folds it and hands it to you saying he made his paper into a flower. He already has one of his drawings on the go but scribbled over it thoughtlessly before starting out on a series of words. ‘To miss Y/n’. Your eyes well further, but his words stop you.

“I think sometimes that drawings can make you better. Can make better the sadness.”

---

“Tae are you still going at it?”

You peer around the corner of the door, leaning half in half out of his man cave to study your boyfriend at work. 5 hours he’d been couped up in there.

“Hmm.”

He didn’t let you see his art until the product was finished, completely finished, because sometimes he’d say he was done and then go back when he’d found the smallest error only to get pissed off that you had witnessed anything other than the completed masterpiece.

“Tae, you’ve been in here for hours, just come out to help me cook.” You plead with him over the canvas, not daring to peak any further.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

He hasn’t looked at you since you came in, his brow well and truely glued into a furrow and the tea you’d brought him earlier cold and untouched beside him. You lower your tone into a more serious one.

“You okay?”

Silence.

“Done.” He doesn’t sound relieved or happy at the finalising of a five-hour art project like most would, like he normally does. He’s merely, ‘done’.

With an apprehensive tone, you ask, “Can I come see?” A gentle nod and you round the canvas, his arm dropping the brush in favour of tugging at the skin of your waist until you’re gently seated in his lap.

It’s beautiful and it’s simplistic and there’s so much life and emotion in it that you know the five hours weren’t all spent with brush to canvas but with him mulling over the memories and thoughts it conjured up.

“Your grandmother’s house?” Your voice is soft, not a pitying soft, but a soft that lets him know he can talk freely.

“Hmm,” he presses a kiss to the shoulder exposed by the shirt that hangs off you loosely. “Wanted to do something for her.”

You let the silence and the painting speak for itself for a while as his hands brush at your sides and you lean into his head that rest against you, chin to shoulder as his warm breath lulls you into calmness.

“You miss her?”

“So much.”

“Painting makes it better?”

… another kiss and a sigh, warm.

“Mmm. Sometimes painting and drawing just makes the sadness a little easier, just makes it better.”

---

You see Tae in this tiny boy, this boy who draws to ease the sadness, who coups himself away on his table to be alone, too afraid to cry in front of the other boys and girls. Is he doing it too? Is he alone and painting?

Then Jojo slides you his paper, wordlessly and your eyes with dried tears, prick once again, heartache replaced with something completely different, regret. And now hope. It’s those small boys words on paper, insignificant to him, and probably tiny in the grand scheme of things, but it’s his words that make you seek out for the one thing you know you can’t live without, the one thing that will heal your sadness.

‘To miss Y/N, i hope your crying gets better soon. Its okay to cry but its also good to make you happy. I hope you find your happy. From Jojo.”

You’d already found your happy, you just had to get him back.

-------------------------------------------------------

“Y/N!?”

And it merely takes your name for you to lose every word on your tongue. Any word you could’ve conjured at that moment couldn’t have described how you felt. He looks dishevelled, and beautiful, hair unwashed and falling into his eyes, white top littered with stains and his pyjamas bottoms you bought him for Christmas hanging off his hips.

His eyes lull from their immediate shock before he turns to look at his apartment, running a frantic hand through his hair and stumbling on his words.

“Shit. I- I mean. I wasn’t really thinking- I didn’t expect you.”

You probably shouldn’t have come. Some people would’ve turned and gone the other way. Maybe that was the right thing to do, was that the brave thing? Were you being a coward by rooting to the spot and not being able to speak a word?

He looks at you, then behind you somewhere, then back into your eyes and his gaze sinks so far into yours, you think you might just cry there and then.

“Dooo you want to come in?” He sounds apprehensive, he probably thinks you are too, but all you want to do is be back in his apartment just like three weeks ago, touching him, talking to him unhinged, perhaps feeling the skin beneath his shirt where his heart lies, feeling if his heart has ached as yours has.

With blinking eyes that try not to glaze over, you nod, short and curt, and you miss the puff of air his mouth rings out with relief.

He dashes away once you’re past the threshold, scampering around as if to distract you from the surrounding environment - it’s dusty, too cold and dark with the way the curtains shut out summer light and you barely recognise his floor as wood with the way food scatters and clothes are strewn. Small shards of light reflect from out of the study and your eyes naturally draw there only to find a mess, door open just enough for the hoard of half-finished painting and wasted canvas’ to come into view. The door is closed by Taehyung like he knew where your gaze would lead you.

“I-I’m fucking sorry about this, it’s gross and it’s messy and i-”

“It’s just like mine.” The corners of your mouth turn up sympathetically but also because you’re relieved he’s not okay. It’s awful to say but heartache has clearly done a job on him too and for that you’re relieved. “Don’t worry, it’s just fine.”

“Just fine,” he mutters under his breath with a half-laugh.

You’re still stood stuck to the doormat, jacket hanging tightly to you like a defence mechanism and your hands remain tight to your sides. When his eyes find yours, you seize up further like it’s the first time he’d ever seen you.

---

You’d told Janice one too many times for this situation to be coincidence. You may or may not have told her you were a sucker for exhibitionism. She’d found it all shits and giggles until the art class she headed entered into ‘naked form’ week and it was too good of an opportunity to pass by.

So the robe drops and you’re way too aware of the last time you shaved - you think you’d be prepared, but pair a hangover with a 7:30 start and bodily care wasn’t the first thought to come to mind.

Janice gives off a flow of instructions, pointing to your body like you were a cow on show, and telling the artists to ‘admire her form, the way her body dips and flows and let you brush or pencil do the responding as though her body was talking to you’ - you almost scoff aloud at her waffle because art is so full of shit.

Exhibitionism kink or not, you’re thirty minutes in and the way your hip cramps and you eyelids lower, there is nothing alluring or desirable about this.

But then the door on the far wall swings open all too harshly for your eyes to feign jolting away. And they blow out further when they’re met with the masculine figure uttering apologies and skidding halfway from door to seat with his urgency.

‘Just women’ she said. ‘Nothing to be worried about,’ she said. It ruined the whole ‘i like being stared at by fit men’ at first but then put you a little at ease that some 70 year old man, trying to spice up his last years of life with a too expensive art course, wouldn’t be staring your tits down.

Yet here you were, with a man with eyes too beautiful to be tarnished by the view in front of him, gazing in shock at your naked body.

“Mr. Kim, it’s nude form week. Guessing you didn’t get the email?”

You only have your imagination for what his voice must sound like because he only shakes his head, throat too dried and scorched from you laid out, baring it all in front of him for him to say anything.

But your imagination didn’t do justice in those two hours of torture. Because his voice telling you he’s ‘sorry for interrupting the session’ and even ‘sorrier for being so unworthy of staring at something so beautiful’.

You’d always hated cringe. But cringe never sounded so good when it was spun off Taehyung’s silk tongue.

---

“Can I get you anything?”

It’s him who breaks the silence, and it’s a godsend because you were two seconds away from spinning on your heel and cowering out of the entire thing.

“N-no. Thank you, Tae.”

He groans at the timidity of how you say his name and nickname at that.

And silence soaks the atmosphere again, tenser this time because greetings have been uttered, drinks offered and there’s nothing more to say that unspoken words of the past.

That’s what you thought you were here to do at least. To tell him you’re sorry, first and foremost, because you’d never intend to break a soul as tender-hearted as his. Then you were supposed to tell him that you loved him, and you would always love him, and that sacrifice must be made for the greater good.

Jungkook had told you that once. But he’d said Taehyung must be the one sacrificed and you should be the one salvaged - until you realised there was no greater good in that situation, no salvation to be had.

“I’ll sacrifice myself,” words come out loud and unexpected as your train of thought is voiced. They’re too loud also, and they break the atmosphere to his shock, so his brow furrows like he doesn’t understand. “I- I will sacrifice myself for you.”

His face falls and you can’t bear the way his words stutter and his throat fills with a choked cry, as though he’d held it in as soon as your presence had hit him. It must have done the same to you because your body befalls you and tears and on the floor as you work your feet towards where he is rooted.

“I can’t ask that of you. You know I can’t do that,” he closes his eyes when your body meets his, hands firm on his cheeks because they’re wet with tears and his shoulders are hunched in pain, “please.”

“Please.” You reciprocate.

This is it for you. You’ll do anything for this quivering shell in front of you. You’ll plead. You’ll beg. You’ll give up your livelihood and every mantra you have ever told yourself about self-preservation because fuck it, some things are too good that you have to lose yourself in them.

“You- I-”

“I’m- I might not be ready for kids now. I will though. If that’s what it takes. Fuck it I’ll marry you tomorrow.”

He chokes on a sob when his eyes meet your pleading ones and a quick hand wipes the stains from his cheeks so he can see every expression you give to him - untainted and full of love.

“We can take our time over this or we can have it all at once, but it has to be we. I’ll really do it for you, I have to Tae,” another sob and a whimper, “isn’t that what we’re here for. Kids.” You’re babbling now in a frenzied expression of all you have to give, and you’re so lost in his eyes that you laugh out, “‘be fruitiful and multiply or some shit.’ I’ll do it, I swear to you.”

“You’re not even Christian.”

“I would be if you told me to.”

“Fuck.”

He kisses you quick and without care, wanting to feel everything you have to give him like it’s what keeps his heart beating - and it’s beating fast because you finally find fingertips under his shirt and against the pounding that intensifies underneath.

He grapples at your hair, then waist, then hair again because his hands can’t decide on what he wants most. So you grab at them yourself and intertwine fingers as though he’d never left you. Each knuckle deserves a kiss and that’s what you give when your lips part.

“I’m so sorry-” you keep kissing across his hand, “I ever left,” and bring his hands to your neck, “never again.”

The tears subside in his eyes as they do yours. There is still relief, hot and painful inside your stomach because you have come back to him and he has taken you back, as if there were never to be anything but the two of you as one, yet now he finds your lips in something that claims more than just love. Possession. He has to know you’re his.

You were correct when you thought his room would be as sorrowful as yours - heartache as painful as what you had felt.

Food containers stripe the floor dirty. Towels strewn and clothes dirty and forgotten. Again the blinds are closed as though you’re not here at 5 in the afternoon when the sun begins to fall into the red and purple hues of evening.

But the blinds leave enough of a gap that his face is haloed, angelic and all too beautiful for your eyes to feign staring when your mouth departs his. Eyes glow amber and skin glows golden and you never want to look away, not from him, not now.

“You really want this don’t you.” There’s no question to the way Tae speaks. Instead, it’s disbelieving, like he can’t quite fathom that it’s really your shirt he has under his fingertips and your smell that lingers under his nose. Heartbreak had slowed his heart enough that it’s beating too fast for him to keep up with, so he slows it down.

“I really want this- You. I really want you.”

“And everything that comes with me? You’re sure?”

It’s a loaded question but at this point it is so light on your shoulders you laugh, grabbing and pulling up his shirt so you can sink lips to his chest, trying to find the beat of a heart somewhere there.

“You act like you’re a chore, Tae.” You’re eyes soften when he still looks like you like he’s young and vulnerable. “Baby, I am so sorry I ever did this to you. Left. And made you feel like that.”

Your hands map his skin delicately and you preserve how it feels because you hope, but never know, if you’ll feel it again.

“Never again, yeh?”

“Yeah.”

Clothes are shed until he looks at your naked body like the art that he first saw it as. He wants to paint it, remember it and cherish it as though he’s never seen it before. Every scar and blemish, precious to his vision, but the painting would only be worth it to him because he’s all who gets to see you.

“You’re not gonna turn off the lights?”

Something that you’d told him was a habit of yours. Maybe something, a subconscious body image thing that was another way of saying, ‘I can’t give my whole self to you, I’m sorry’. He’d ran with it as though it didn’t hurt his pride. But now, as you push him down on his bed and clamber over his thighs, he’s so grateful he never got to see you in this light, because he loves it all the more now.

Fingertips tremble over your thighs when your hips find his, naked crotch so close to where he throbs.

“Tae,” his eyes don’t meet yours, pieced, instead, onto where your bodies are so close to meeting like his gaze can fuse them together. “Tae, it’s me. Relax.”

Purposefully, your hands find his hair and coax him into a state of submissiveness, because his body still quaked underneath you no matter the words you uttered.

You can’t lie when you say sex was a factor in your relationship you had missed. There was a heartfelt bond that went deeper than sex.

Admittedly the flatmate before Tae, the friends before the boyfriend and your parents who knew you better than you admitted to yourself had all said you were sex before substance. Some hated you for it and some laughed. Some said, ‘I wish I could be as emotionally detached as you’ and some thought you were the local gal whoring about like bodies were meant to be used. Then, somehow, Tae flipped the whole thing on its head. Made you feel butterflies before orgasm and it had you spellbound.

So, no. Sex wasn’t it for you when you were with him.

Yet, here you were, over your man gleaming with the physical sweat of want and need as well as the even more apparent glow of how his body lit up for only you.

“How do you want me Tae, what can I give you?”

“Fuck.” His hands fall over his eyes, not comprehending that you’re his and you’re this plaint. No, he wants you to take over him. “Anything, baby. Fuck. Anything.”

Instantly nails brush over the hardness that had been laid out under your folds obediently since you’d found yourself on top of his crotch.

A man could only control himself so much and immediately Tae found his dick twitching and his hips leaving the mattress in favour of chasing your hand.

“Y/N, I really don’t know if I’ve got it in me for teasing, I’m so horny I could cum!”

Well then.

The outburst has you struggling to fight off a laugh because he seriously is that desperate. Not the laughing kind either. The all-bearing, stripped clean and pleading kind of desperate.

So, you sympathise and let your lips find his, hand still trailing lightly so he doesn’t cum early, but enough for the need to remain.

“You wanna be inside me Tae?” His tongue is on yours yet the words are clear.

“Urgh, fuck, please.”

Your eyes peer between your bodies, mapping where his muscles, tight with restrictions, create a V-shape down to the very distinct outline of a red hard cock. You think it’s photograph worthy in the moment, something worth slipping the camera out for, and if you hadn’t kept his dick pics from months ago maybe you would. But:

“Please baby, -need it.”

You deny yourself the simple pleasure of slipping him in because Tae whining and pleading is something worthy for the spank bank. You drop lower down the bed so his hips meet your eyes and the skin glistens so beautifully in this light you have to leave his dick untouched just so you can kiss around the area.

His stomach, thighs, crotch, they see it all, lips and tongue mapping bold strokes because he tastes just as you remember and you want to savour it.

“Y/N ple- oh fuck,” and the taste of his dick beats anything that preceded it, let alone the noise that came with it.

His tip is taken care of first, small licks and stripes with your tongue, so he’s unsuspecting when you choke him whole.

“FUCK.”

Hands grab your hair violently. He’s deep and hits the back of your throat so you choke, unashamed of the noise. You’re past that and you know he likes it anyways.

You set a rhythm, and it soon becomes clear he’s going to cum from it and that you very much want him to. Your hand finds his balls to fuel the process and the other one snakes to your core because there’s nothing that beats Tae’s moans when he’s getting a good sucking.

“I- Fuck Y/N, I can’t- Shit!”

He’s close. Stomach seizing and balls throbbing in your palm so you sink back down again and take the choke like you want it and you want his cum more. It’s fast from there.

“Love you. I’m cum- Fuckkkkk,” salt and warmth line your throat, but only for a short while because he came quick. His hips stutter a few times and your eyes water when you continue to take it.

Then it’s cold and silent. Yet somehow you feel buzzed. Like someone cumming down your throat was enjoyable. Like you’d do it a thousand times over if it meant he’d say he loved you again.

The hands that had once set deep into your scalp and verged on making you horny now pulled at your cheeks to lift you to eye level.

He’s sweaty and a mess.

“You’re sweaty and a mess baby.”

His laugh is unfiltered, wholesome and worthy of the way your heart stutters.

“Because someone’s got a mouth on them sent from the gods.”

Blush overtakes your cheeks, whilst your stomach tumbles over at the fact that your blowjob skills are up to scratch - you thought a month off might have done something to your ability but clearly, you’re still on point. The bitter taste in your mouth tells you enough.

“What’ve I done to deserve you coming back.”

Sincerity returns into his eyes as well as his words, and somehow you feel his dick twitch again from underneath you. He’s so soft under your hands so you keep feeling at his skin to reassure you he’s real.

“Nothing. You’re enough. You’re it.”

You kiss and kiss again, keep going until the fire ignites in him once more where it still flamed for you.

“Please.”

His voice is low no matter how much he whines so a guiding hand slips him into where you’re filthily wet. And he’s huge despite seed already spilt. He’s loaded like it was meant for you and not your mouth, throbbing enough so your pussy can feel it.

And suddenly you realise it’s bare. Complete bare. As in, bare enough that you are willing to take on a child kind of bare.

His eyes tell the story when yours find his, wide and curious. They roll back into whites when you pull up fully and then sink back down, milking him for all he has so he knows this is your full intention. Naked in every sense.

“Shit, Tae.”

“Fuckkkkk,” he doesn’t swear often, but sex is a must and the quirk of your lips tells him just how much you like him losing himself in pleasure.

He hits deep from here, cock lodged far in and even further when he begins to take control.

His feet plant and his hands pull you down so skin flushes to skin and he can pump up into you with unadulterated need.

Your teeth have to clamp onto his shoulder with the way he hits your cervix, it’s uncomfortable yet you love it. That kind of sex where everything is so fulfilling that you just can’t mutter ‘stop’. How could you say such a thing anyway when he’s groaning that he loves you with every upbeat.

It hits good once. Twice.

“Tae, fuck. There.”

Three times.

“Here?”

Again.

“Oh my fuc- Fuckkk,” and there’s nothing you can do when you’re so stimulated you tumble deep and hard onto him and continue to do over and over in waves.

He’s finding his end in the way your pussy grips him.

“Baby. Y/N, Cunt so good, jesus.”

You’re burning when he’s going so fast the headboard bangs louder than your moans. So your hand quickly finds his balls underneath you and that does him, unravels him to the point he quakes.

“Holy- Love you. Love you. Fuck. Love you.”

Your ears might ring but that’s all you hear for the next minute. His mantra that keeps his lust alive until his love is so set in stone the words are not needed.

Your hand, winding into his hair and the thrum of your heart against his tells him enough.

It’s this. Silence and tranquillity yet with the constant buzz of electricity all around you.

You’re still there entangled, limbs on limbs and lights touches on bare skin as the slither of light through the blinds turns ruby red in the heat of sunset.

You know his eyes must glow golden from where the sun angles on his face so you can’t help but spare a glance. And you’re right when you imagined it as beautiful because the sun bathes him like it was meant to.

He’s still awake because his eyes flutter when you trail the outside of your fingers down his cheek and then onto his lips. It’s even more apparent when he brings his hand up to yours so he can kiss each knuckle individually.

“You came inside.”

It weighed heavy on you, the obvious factor that had happened earlier. And before allowing the beauty of the moment to settle in you had to see his expression when you mentioned it.

Yet there’s nothing but closed eyes and the slight smile that had been painted on his lips since you’d told him how much you wanted him.

“Mmm.”

“And you’re okay with that?” It’s not harsh, just a question from you. A security query because you have to know what this was for him. Caught up in the moment or something deeper?

His eyes bolt open at the question though.

“Are you?”

You almost have to think. Almost.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“And so am I.”

#bts smut #taehyung #bts taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung x y/n #taehyung smut #bts taehyung smut #bts v #bts v smut #v smut #kim taehyung #kim taehyung smut #jungkook smut #taehyung one shot #bts one shot #taehyung things

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snow-wind-and-all-we-will-find · 3 years

Text

Hi! My names arthur and im working on improving my word and building my story, which currently has no name haha! I have a myriad of characters who ill try to list out and give brief descriptions of, aether is technically my main character and some of the characters who are up for question are dead in canon. But you can still ask them stuff, itll just be set before death.

When asking characters questions, rememeber to include the name, their age if theres diffrent ages, i dont mind repeated questions, but if you see the question try not to ask it again lol. If you cant find it with a quick scroll just ask it, although i dont know if this blog will even get that big.

Aether

He comes in three evolutions lol, technically, theres four but idk if i would count 7 year old aether.

Ages: 13 yo - colder, hasnt gotten used to emotions, there are two to this as well, pre-rev and then post-rev 13 yo aether, remember to specify lol.

16 yo- a bit more out there, still kinda disconnected and figuring things out, a bit more defensive

22 yo- lax, hes sorta figured shit out, hes not going to go grazy, hes just gonna be chill lol.

!The gaggle Ghosts!

Yurei

Her personality is very, ehhh, becuase i havnt done work with her, and i havnt completly figured out who she is fully yet, shes 18 yo when aether is 22 yo

18 yo- pretty oblivious, somehow still a bit cynical, very nice and sometimes motherly

Kakoku

Few thousand- mean, likes to bully yurei as he huants her, lowkey a simp for yurei but he wont admit that. Kinda cynical and likes to bring others down, generally a bully

Tamashi

19- emotionless, has to be a really strong emotion to make her emote, tends to stray away from other people, likes to be alone, blunt

Gunnar

A few thousand- sweet, warm and welcoming, tries to be very fatherly and a trusted figure, is very busy most of the tiime unfortunatly though.

!The greek gang!

Argus agapov

16- unstable, pretty baby, protective over friends and family

Mythos agapov

23- whore. He also loves his family, lowkey, hes a trad wife

Perceus

15/16- timid, intrested in posiosn and acids, generally quiet, likes to eat leaves, scaredy cat

Diogenes

14- germ of phobe, kind of a brat, more just a bitch, will yell at you if he sees your hands were dirty from gardening or something while you’re walking to the sink, other than that hes fine, picky eater

Herodotus

15- disorginized, trys his best, likes to write stuff down, helps plato with his writing and grammar in general, gullible, likes record data, has a nice typewriter with tha good clicky clack

Plato

8- sweet baby boi, loves his older brother (socrates), idolizes him even, not a good idea though. He writes down everything socrates does, sometimes he imitates his brother as well.

Socrates

17- dumb of ass, also just dumb, held back a grade, feral child, bites alot of people, soft aestechic but hed stab as a warning

Heracles

30- also dumb of ass, loves cars in that ‘mah babeh’ kinda way. Hates motorcycles, he thinks they’re ugly. Chaotic but he utilizes it to be the weird and cool uncle/cousin thing

Zeus

46- too tired for this shit, is a dad, went out to get milk, jk jk, dissapeared for a hot few years, probably got captured by some gang dunno, it happens. Very serious, would make the dumbest jokes with his brothers with a straight face

Hades

50- lowkey the neglected middle child, soft goth lookin ass, loves his kid, tries his best to raise his kid, sometimes gets help from esme

Poseidon

57- proud stay at home dad, buff but does the typically wifely duties, makes sure his children get enough love, nutrience and care

Lillith

54- very active, the money maker, kinda soft, both her and her husband poseidon are so just in love with their kids, dote on them constantly, very extroverted, always makes time for her kids

Esme

51- tired of zeus’ shit, does her best to make sure no one dies, still treats mythos as her ‘little baby boy, tired mom vibes.

!the Eden gang!

Eden is a fictional country that i slapped onto the globe. It is where aether is from, technically aether is apart of the eden gang as well. Everyone here, if they have an age option, the first age option is the age they are when aether is 13, and the second will be when aether is 16 unless stated otherwise

General kyelli

49- fatherly, thinks of most of the gang as his children, calls everyone ‘son’, as a general rule. If you ask for another nickname, he will do his best. Has a bad knee, and is kinda of bad at existing physically

52+- fatherly still, loves almonds, always has a bag of almonds, dont test him. Enjoys travel, might adopt people he meets along the way, still has pains but now he sees doctors, wants to stay active

Indigo

13- sweet, optimistic, always looks on the brightside and tries to see the good in others. Little heater, understands that sometimes fighting is the only option

Akrano

16- lively, very loose and relax, can get serious when needed though, always making jokes and trying to lighten up the mood

19- a bit more, mellow. Still quite lively and childish, but with two signifigant-others you have to settle down sometimes

Ekrano

16- lively, more stern than akrano and kinda worried, but ultimatly also very loose and bright

Lilliana

16- serious, seemingly colder towards everyone, gets along great with psycho-lops, makes him new eye-patches to pass time, actually just very monotone and blank most of the time, although she does care

19- she doesnt change much, she got a bit more expressive, likes babysitting howl

Psycho-lops

16 1/2- always looks determined, actually kinda scared of conflict, likes to help out with healing though, very proficient in it as well, sounds intimidating while talking about how cute puppies and kittens are

19/20- still the same, is considering studying medicine and medical practices to become a doctor.

Bark

17- bright, incredibly lively, loves to joke around and tease and sometimes bully the others, targets aether primarily, hangs out with his brother most of the time, he can fight for himself but he likes the backup, especcially since he is kinda glass-jawed, being that hes a twig

Bite

17- quiet, intense eyes, always sounds vaugly confused when he speaks, deep voice lol, likes to train, doesnt understand barks need to tease others, likes to read to the children

20- quiet, intense eyes still, more so nervous sounding, slightly paranoid, cluastrophobic and cant stand dusty places, usually in his house or at the docks, doesnt really go anywhere else

Hanelle

17- loud, headstrong, adamant about her opinions, gets along well with bark, she tries alot to be intimidating, not a twig, but not very big, pretty friendly and sociable

!the band of pirates!

Aklea

A few hundreds of years- kinda bored seeming, loves blood, technically cannibal, but not really since he isnt human, to an extent. Despite being fine on the ocean, he gets very car sick very easily. Actually quite nice, very easily triggerd into violence, especcially by something that could be used as a good murder weapon, blood makes him jittery and more lively

Nerone

21- calm, too calm, deals with akleas bullshit wonerfully, he just stands there, blank smile on his face as aklea beats the shit outta someone, unintrested in most anything, likes to draw, but hes a much better pastry chef.

!the shakespears!

Midem(pink boi)

33- lively, loves to work with kids, very creative, likes to make things, mainly art, mainly carvings. Often make little minitures of scenes from midens writing, loves his twin, does anything it takes to fund midens intrests. Very loving to those hes close to

Miden

33- calmer by alot lmao, pretty introverted but he can hold a long conversation without becoming too drained, enjoys writing and making stories, also makes plays for fun, runs off little sleep cuase he stays up so late to write, and gets up early to write.

!gods!

Gideon

9 billion- confused boomer, loves his ‘children’, hates to be hated, always tries to help in anyway he can, despite making them, always curious into what mortals are doing, loves the universe he created and does anything he can to protect it

Merik

7 million- sore loser, does get a little salty, ultimatly bounces back and becomes a very good sport, always will adopt tactics, whatever it takes to win within the rules, keeps most all of his trophies from random feats hes done

Ventus

5 billion - calm, straightforward, tends to disregard others and do things himself, likes to sit on cliffs and watch the ocean

Kyle

Hes been around since 776 bc- very loud, lively, bright, tries his best to educate people on proper form, workout regime i intesne, doesnt allow others to take it, makes custom workout regimes for free, owns a gym, dude bro but hes nice, baby

Horo-sha

Her age technicaly is not accurate, shes like, 2 billion? Since dima was made right after her death. But since her history still lives, ima count it

5 billion but older than ventus- bitter, violent, former god of justice, fucking dead haha, hates mortals, primarily humans

Dima

Also not super accurate, hed only be a few centuries of being an active god before being sealed, but since hes technically, concious and has cognitive function hes counted

3 billion- mean lol, likes blood and gets even more violent when it starts getting messy, ‘new’ god of justice, uh, pretty bad at it like the last one, but worse, will kill over slight misdeameanors, everythings a crime smh

!misc!

Ivan

24- softspoken, from imperial russia, died young, he no longer feels his face is his own, has a mask that he likes better, has the sickness, but since he was human it killed him, can control it post mortem, is strong enough to be seen, but weak enough he can go invisible and go through solid objects.

More ocs will be added when i remember them, or create new ones, characters i dont really have built at all are not included

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madeintimeland · 3 years

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im oversharing this got long sorry. just reminscing on shit ive thought about a million times over again

theres so much art i want to create and so little motivation. i should start smoking weed again bc every time im high i get my best ideas or at least like, it takes away the layer of film over my brain that stops me from being able to come up with creative ideas, but also im scared its going to send me into mental hell again. like i need to be in a perfect state for it lest i fear im going to invoke my months long existential crisis again and i Cannot be doing that shit rn. but also i wonder if its going to be worth it anyways if i can create something to leave on this earth again. like ive been so bad at creativity lately like i want to draw and produce things and im bubbling over with energy and i feel the ideas fermenting in the deep recesses of my brain like theyre nestled into the grooves and folds but i cant access them yet. and i know i can if im stoned. i might turn into a hermit hunched over my tablet all hours of the day just making shit tbh. i absorb so much of the things around me and i know if i try to make something now its going to basically be direct copies of the things i saw but if im high im sure i can actually create something new and beautiful. im scared of being intoxicated again but i was scared to drink again too and i got drunk and proceeded to love it and want to drink every single day because surprise surprise i have alcoholism coded into my dna and consequentially have an addictive personality in general. which is why i felt like my life was useless without weed. all up until i was finally able to get my hands on a stash that would let me smoke whenever i want versus when i would get a small amount every couple of months and completely and utterly fail at ratioing it out and binge it all and then have ridiculously introspective trips where id start to go a little crazy at the end (i have a distinct memory of looking at a meme that had a woman on it and thinking ‘jesus christ... what the fuck is that’ and then spiraled into thinking about how life is pointless but i didnt have enough weed to continue with that train of thought and if i did i may have had my crisis a lot earlier, it was just inevitable) i just felt like being high was the only time i could actually get in touch with my inner self again. like i used to before the thick clouds of depression and psychosis settled in. but then i finally was able to get high for longer than short bursts of time and it all came to a head where my brain broke and i have existential terror now that i feel im going to not be able to deal with confronting again. but every time i say that it never ends up staying permanently, it comes in waves, it all comes in waves. back and forth. i feel beauty in life and then i feel fear. i feel like its all worth it and then i cant stop thinking about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the pointlessness of it all. and then i get a hug or listen to a really good song and i feel like its worth it again. i wonder if this is just a period in my life im not a total stoner or if its actually permanent. anyways point is i want to make so much stuff that my hands ache and my brain rots when i think about how many things inspire me. thats why my aesthetic tag is #inspiration, its been like that for many years now, its stuff that inspires me. but at what point am i going to turn that inspiration into reality? im bad at initiative. my initiative is going to be when i pick up the pot again because im too lethargic and procrastinatey to create the things i want any other time. but when will that be? i cant see a therapist or anything rn and working it out on my own has been mildly successful, not bad, im not spending every single day in terror like i was at this point last year. it started all going away around august after starting in march. march 30th in fact. from then on its been a constant battle with dissociation. funny because just earlier in march was some of the best experiences of my life. i think if lockdown never happened this never would have happened either but at the same time im left wondering how anybody can go through their life without wondering about the meaning of it all and coming out the other side with purpose and resolve. mine was to enjoy myself and find as much beauty and love in life as i can before i die and enhance the lives of the people around me while i can because i feel too small to do anything on a grander scale. and im fine with that, for the most part, but i still get attacked by these waves of thought where i wonder what the purpose of reality is . i always have to smack myself and remind myself no dumbass you already went over this a million times, just enjoy yousrelf while youre here. but when im high its a million times worse cuz the only time i can get my mind off it is when im replacing it with horny thoughts and thats not the only thing i wanna do when im high ofc i want to experience and create and listen to music. but i mean i havent smoked since june. i think the 15th ? i could go back and read my journals to tell exactly when it was but yeah its been almost a year now and i feel like i might have it in me again. i used to love getting high and working on shit so much. some of my best works and most creative projects and honestly just most enjoyable periods of my life were when i was high. going back to what i was saying about early march 2020 being the best time of my life, idk what it was about me but i was just having a grand old time experiencing absolute beauty playing ark with my friends, feeling so creative and developing new ideas and experiences, and using the freedom and motivation i felt ingame to also want to explore the world irl. i seriously was close to actually finally reading my survival manual and start camping and shit and i wanted to visit my relatives in their hella secluded farmhouse in the middle of fuck nowhere kansas, cuz i did visit there during that time period and i loved it to death, i felt so free. two different relatives actually and they both had that same aesthetic about them. of course they were horribly racist but i mean, thats rural kansas for you. i just wanted to camp in their woods. its funny because that month was simultaneously the best and worst of my life. all because of weed! if i never started smoking or rather never found a reliable source at that point in my life i wonder how i wouldve turned out? id like to chalk this up to fate that im like this, maybe its for the best, maybe smoking again wont help me but maybe it will. i have a way to ease myself back into it i just need that leap of faith and bravery like i felt when i was drinking again. its funny because i used to be such a fucking druggie and i wanted to get high all the time and then after my existential crisis that all just. stopped. i feell ike everyone i know is sick of me talking about it but it really fundamentally changed me on the inside even if it doesnt seem like it much on the outside so i feel its right of me to talk about it sometimes. it makes me feel better at least. like this is jsut a thing t hat happened, not a fated break from the universe i cant come back from yknow? i dunno. ive rambled on way too fucking long and idk if anyones gonna read this. tldr i want to draw and create so many things and i have too many ideas to deal with but i only feel ill be able to unlock my creativity and motivation if im high but due to bad past experiences im terrified to get high again. i mean ive done and made some pretty cool stuff since then but the motivation and ideas are much fewer and far between compared to the absolute deluge i get when im stoned , whether any of my ideas are actually any good or if they were just high ramblings is up to debate but i think it gave me a really good way of looking at things and i made some pretty cool stuff and i miss it a lot but i dont know if going back to it is going to be a mistake or not and im not brave enough to find out if itll hurt me again or if im ready. yyyyaaaayyyyy hahahaha ✌

#this is literally just all about drugs and dissociation

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phoebehalliwell · 4 years

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So I LOVED your Sheridan and Warren fic!! The two of them are hilarious because that are just trying their best those poor boys! I had a hypothetical, so like in all those AU where Prue is wished alive in I Dream of Phoebe, what would happen in this situation? Would Prue go see her sisters or would she go find her kids? ALSO Prue as the boys magical (deceased) guide is Perf 👌🏻

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA tysm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love my boys so much i’m really trying to keep them like. like as removed from proper magic as possible bc i just think it’s really fucking funny to just follow two bimbos around as they try their best. i’ve also def like tinkered w canon a lil bit as explained in this post here only to keep them further away from aunts who could explain everything like they don’t even have a whitelighter bc paige was supposed to fill that role really the only person they have is prue who gave them a crash course when she unbound their powers as explained in this post and they will occasionally summon her but even then it’s less for advice and more bc like. they want 2 talk to their mom. and i do think prue will occasionally try to make like guest appearances on their birthday she’d def be a presence kinda like how grams was a presence for the girls if they had a book of shadows prue would do the flipping. but they don’t. she did guide their familiar to them!! the cat’s name is swizzlesticks and yes it is just kit again lmao. But. Ur Question. so basically in w&s’s origins jack raised them post prue death and like he kinda fucked off to japan for the rest of the show (sidenote both warren and sheridan are quasi fluent in japanese like jack the only difference is while jack uses his bilingual talents for business the twins almost exclusively use this ability to multitask while watching anime) so i think piper and phoebe had like Zero contact w their nephews and paige actually has never met them like she didn’t even really know they existed bc deadass just no one mentioned them. so like if prue is wished back to life in i dream of phoebe for starters she’s gonna know chris is piper and leo’s son bc she’s been keeping an ear to the ground and Heavily monitoring this chris situation before she assessed that he was good she spent a lot of time trying to figure out if a ghost should beat the shit out of an alive witch so idk who’s wishing prue alive in this specific au tbh u know what richard’s kinda off the shits this ep he’s probably wish prue back to life to try to prove to paige that she doesn’t have to be a charmed one she can just be paige :) and paige would lose her SHIT bc like oh my god that was not what she wanted and she’s so not ready to meet prue but here she is lmao and chris is freaking out bc now he really knows he’s altered the future in Major ways i think piper would see prue and immediately pass out and while i think prue would really really want to see her kids her first task would definitely be fixing the future and she would entirely dedicate herself to making sure wyatt doesn’t become evil but i think like she would pull chris aside and be like hi in your future where are my kids and chris would be like who? and prue would be like my sons?? warren & sheridan???? and chris would be like what?????? bc this whole time if wyatt was indeed not the eldest son like are you Fucking Kidding Me????? but no he’s never even heard of warren and sheridan bc in the dark future their powers were simply never unbound and they just continued to live as mortals and may or may not be dead depending on how good the witch finder bots are but like. i don’t think even if wyatt knew they existed he would want to find them bc that just draws attention to the fact they existed and he’s not the firstborn of the next gen so either they’re doing fine-ish all things considered or they just like died lowkey. but chris didn’t even was remotely aware of their existence. and i think this would kinda send prue into a bit of a tailspin bc her boys are so far removed from their legacy and their family (and they’re being raised by jack yikes!!) and she’s like no these are my kids but if she wants to get where they are she either needs to book a fight or find a whitelighter so i think this would specifically be a prue/paige adventure which is also nice bc paige is omnilingual and prue does not speak japanese so like. idk cute adventure. probably use some monster from japanese mythology to save either some smallish town or alternately a major city bc both of those r fun. i think if jack saw prue again he would start throwing things at her and stuff bc he’d be convinced this is some demon here to kill his kids just like they killed her bc haha that’s not a recurring nightmare lmao so i think prue would cast the truth spell right then and there to prove she’s really her which also leads to some good comedy and character development bc jack paige and prue are all under a truth spell and there is a lot unsaid between all of these characters with paige’s inferiority complex and prue and jack’s true feelings for each other and issues caused by prue’s death y’know blah blah blah but i think prue would really use this opportunity to bring warren & sheridan back into the fold so to speak and bring them to the manor and properly train them in the craft and tbh in this specific au i think prue and jack would actually end up together. bc in any other world i’m saying they literally just coparent like they’re fond of each other and will always love the other in like some way but it’s not like Love but i think here specifically it’s like. like the time spent apart where jack just like fucking wishes prue was there and realized what an absolute sap and hopeless romantic he is bc yeah he always like grand gestures and clowning around but like. warren and sheridan’s first steps? and jack was just fucking alone like ngl he almost cried bc he just wished. like prue should have been there. she would have been a great mom. she was a great mom. and his kids deserve their mom and like. he just wishes he could have shared that moment with her. completely unbeknownst to jack prue actually does like you know watch over them all and she’s just like. like blown away by jack. like never in a million years would she have thought he was capable of doing what he did. like. like wow man. and i think the combination of those two like actually having them together again and raising their kids i think romance would blossom again. and i think it would be this insane slowburn bc i think y’know like. like it only happened the first time bc jack pursued prue and was like stubborn and stupid and he like knew she was outta his league but it didn’t matter bc that relationship was just for funsies it was a fling it was never meant to be permanent but if jack were to pursue it know it’s be like. permanent. you know? and jack just doesn’t think prue feels the same way like jack’s a fuckin idiot he knows that and prue’s like a witch? like an insanely talented with and a successful photographer back from the dead don’t worry about it lmao and she just like. she takes the world by storm she balances her career and motherhood and saving the motherfucking world like how could she ever. she would never want to be with someone like jack like that’s just. it’s not in the cards. and prue on the other hand keeps waiting for the penny to drop she keeps waiting for like. jack to realize he doesn’t have to be here anymore. she’s convinced he’s gonna hop town and continue being the man she knew while she was alive now that he doesn’t have to keep watching over the kids now that he’s free in a way but that just never happens because jack doesn’t want to leave like those are his kids also he’s in love with prue lmao but she just can’t. she doesn’t get it. men leave. that’s what they do. that’s what they’ve literally always done she can’t like. she can’t open herself up to something serious only to have jack just ditch and leave her kids with the memory of his back walking out the door so she lowkey starts to push him away put her walls up which only furthers jack’s belief that this is never gonna happen but sometimes it’s like they’ll accidentally fall asleep on the couch together in the middle of the afternoon with the sunlight on them and they’ll wake up like Horribly Embarrassed like oh my god which they’re like this isnt weird okay like we have kids together they’re right there like. we have had sex multiples times before piper walking in on up taking a cat nap in the living room is literally it’s nothing!! oh but it so is something meanwhile phoebe the empath is about to lose her Fucking Shit like guys!!! guys!!!!!!!!! and piper’s just trying to reign her in like no don’t interfere bc piper knows prue’s fear of abandonment and she does not know this new iteration of jack she just remembers what he was like and she doesn’t want to see prue get hurt paige is on the opposite side bc she has literally never met any previous iteration of jack or prue and she’s like hello?? they’re in love?? and chris is like hi okay but like. the task at hand? and the girls are like no shh like trying to covertly spy on prue/jack/warren/sheridan/wyatt all playing in the solarium prue’s doing the telekinetic mobile thing again and jack’s expression of wonder is the same as his sons like !!!! and chris is like deadass i do not get it okay evil wyatt tho. but blah blah blah slow burn i think prue and jack would get married like s8. their wedding would replace paige and henry’s bc as mentioned before paige and henry having a wedding esp a wedding that early was like. dumb. but yeah. prue x jack brainrot. i’m mentally ill i love them so much.

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millennialzadr · 5 years

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WHY I LOVE ZADR!!!

HEY GUYS WHASSUP? LMAO

So this is a whole ass giant long post of me absolutely spewing my feelings of love for ZADR, it was the very first thing I wrote when I made this blog and I think it’s a nice, positive thing for my fellow shippers to inhale and enjoy 👌👌

it was originally a reply to mitarashiart’s post about why HE loves ZADR (link in replies) but I decided to delete that and make my own post since MY WHOLE ENTIRE TEXT WALL WAS SHOWN IN THE REPLIES and drowned out anyone else who was trying to talk (thanks tumblr mobile u fuckin idiot)

I had also posted a summary of an AU that I’m working on in the original post, but decided to remove it since it just about doubled the length (I’m thinking about posting it separately along with the wips I’ve been putting together, we’ll see 👀)

But ANYWAY, here is about a million reasons why I think ZADR is the fucking best, so if you like reading gushy gay ship feelings, please enjoy ❤️❤️❤️

[Posted June 2019][WARNING, LONG ASS THOUGHT BARF]

SOOO, holy hell y’all my journey back into this fandom has been a wild and unique experience for me, i went from adding invader zim to my bookmarks on kisscartoon, rewatching the series, finding out theres a movie coming out, finding out there was a shitload of content i’d never seen before (commentaries, lost episode scripts and audios, panels, the COMIC, episodes i’d never seen because the dvd i used to watch was scratched!! and a FUCKLOAD of quality modern fan art like oh my GOD) and finally curiously googling ‘zadr’ (which i was way into when i was maybeee 13/14) to see if there was any interesting new art, and holy hell, mita (the artist above) singlehandedly THREW me down the hole into modern zadr hell, first with his absolutely stunning IZ art (all his art is dope tho check him out yo), then reading the above explanation put the final nail in the coffin like, 100%

so i wanted to add onto his post here on why this ship got me so fucked up, both for anyone who might be wondering why on earth i’m shipping two characters from a kid’s show (i’m very aware how weird that is at first glance trust me) and also so i can get some ideas down for possible future reference (will i ever draw them? maybe)

(first of all, a disclaimer, and this is not pleasant to write but it’s important to address for clarity’s sake: I have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships between minors, and do not ship zim and dib as they are presented canonically in the show (as children). what i’m interested in is the conceptualized relationship they may have as modern adults, and i view zadr more as taking the concepts of existing characters and experimenting with them with different interpretations, which i personally think is a constructive and fun creative outlet, especially if these characters hold personal significance for you (childhood faves of course). growing up together is an important facet of their relationship, and certainly they were important to each other even as children (see: mopiness of doom) but as an adult i’m personally curious about what kind of adults they might’ve become, and that’s the focus of my interest. i’ll still be reblogging regular IZ art because it’s dope but if you see shippy looking art of them as tiny lil beans its either friendship or chibis (and i personally headcanon zim as getting taller with dib but some people stick with his canonical height when drawing them as adults, which is super short. it still doesn’t mean he’s a kid). aaand i wish i didnt have to write this and it would just be obvious but we live in a sick sad world and it is sourced from a children’s cartoon so i feel its necessary. end of disclaimer)

NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY

- ok, first reason’s a bit obvious - the nostalgia. holy hell, the feeling of rediscovering a ship that was popular when i was a preteen during the mid 2000s and discovering a totally new perspective on it as an adult comes with an almost totally overwhelming sense of nostalgia and comfort, as well as inspiration!! the kind of art that seems so common for zadr, these sketch pages of scenes and expressions and visual gags where artists would just scribble every idea they had and LOVE doing it, this was exactly the kind of art that made me so passionate about drawing as a kid, and it still sparks such a powerful feeling of love and admiration for me to this day. fan content of iz and zadr is simultaneously achingly familiar and totally new and fascinating, and it just makes me SO damn happy to consume, it is most definitely my new comfort content. and just, GOD. THE ART!! SO GOOD. FUCK

- now for the characters themselves: for some reason i just really love the thought of a mid twenties, modern Dib?? lanky goth dork, disaster bi, depressed as shit, uses bad sweaters and memes to cope?? when i was a kid i didn’t even LIKE Dib, but now i totally sympathize with him! he’s just a hyper obsessive nerd wishing there was more to life than the situation he got stuck with, how wildly relatable. he was a pretty big asshole as a kid (even to people besides zim) but he was also totally isolated and constantly bullied, so there’s a lot of room for growth. i feel there’s a lot of juicy character development potential for that boy, and there’s always been a special place in my heart for characters who are totally sad and screwed and hopeless, but there’s one thing, or person, that means the world to them and could possibly save them…

- aliens. Zim. i love nonhuman characters, i love monsters, i love aliens, i love characters that don’t understand human shit (and thus have much less room for shame or fear bc theyre just totally oblivious the negatives of modern society) and need guidance (bonding!!) from their human. i also love morally grey characters and characters with skewed logic, they’re always really interesting, and Zim himself just has such a unique personality and set of mannerisms, he contradicts himself a lot and you can never quite expect how he’ll behave, and i love that in a character, it makes them super versatile and fun, especially since there’s so many different possibilities for their development. Also, Zim is a gremlin, a little shit, and a disaster. I also love those traits in a character. And don’t even get me started on his character design?? big sparkly eyes? expressive antennae? monster teeth? complimenting colors? he’s adorable.

- mutual obsession. for someone like Dib, who seems almost repulsed by how boring and slow the people around him are, Zim quite literally personifies Dib’s escapist fantasies, both as an inhuman entity from beyond the stars, and as a person who’s knowledge, charisma and mystery far exceeds that of anyone Dib has met in his entire life. (so basically what i’m saying is that for a shunned, jaded misanthropist, an actual alien is terribly alluring, even if said alien is dangerous, stupid, and possibly insane). not to mention Zim vindicates Dib’s entire life passion, the supernatural! Even when their relationship is totally negative, there is not a single inch of room for Dib to get tired of Zim. as mita explained, they validate each other. for Zim, WHO AGAIN, IS TOTALLY SHUNNED, ISOLATED, AND HATED BY EVERYONE HE KNOWS, Dib is the only person in the universe who gives a single shit about him!! he gives Zim credit as a threat, a capable invader, which if you ask me is the sole thing Zim is after (he’s hellbent on his mission because it would win him the approval of the tallest, all he’s ever wanted is recognition from the people he thinks so highly of). He literally gets depressed when Dib isn’t around to pay attention to him, not even the tallest were enough to motivate him before Dib came back. these two have no one and nothing without each other, and while lifelong nemeses is fine and dandy, i personally prefer friendship, affection and love, cause i’m a softie like that. how could they possibly get there after years of actively trying to kill each other?? well, i think under just the right circumstances it could become a possibility after a long, long time.

- growth. i. love. me. some. good. character growth. especially for characters with trauma/mental illness, bc again, relatable. these boys have issues, and as mita mentioned, their canon stories are actually INCREDIBLY sad! but the happy thought is, they could recover! they could help each other recover, for little reason other than the two are the only source of happiness for each other. now of course this also opens the gate for angst lovers, but at the same time offers potential for comforting, uplifting content of the boys supporting and inspiring each other, maybe even to the point of becoming happy and healthy enough to create the lives they want for themselves (as in appreciating life and doing things that make them actually happy instead of the delusions of grandeur they both sought when they were younger). gimme that positive shit and let the poor beans be happy щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

- LITTLE THINGS. LITTLE THINGS THAT ONLY COME WITH CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. WITH HUMAN/NONHUMAN. WITH THE SHOW’S WEIRD LOGIC. Zim being the person Dib knows best and vice versa. Zim having an involuntary respect/admiration for Dib because he’s tall. Learning each other’s needs, limits, and communication methods, both emotionally and biologically. Sensitive antennae. Affectionate bickering. Being less insecure bc your partner literally has no idea why you see your flaws as flaws. Laughing at the flaws they do notice because they make no sense. Zim only wanting to eat waffles and chow mein. Dib being forced to overcome his depression lethargy and stay hygienic/keep the apartment clean because Zim has a sharper sense of smell and is afraid of germs. Endless conversation about anything and everything because they’re from literally different worlds, and endless intrigue. TOUCHING. TALKING. DOING EVERYTHING LIKE ITS THE VERY FIRST TIME AND ALWAYS NEEDING THE OTHER TO GUIDE THEM. HOLY HELL THERE IS SO MUCH POSSIBILITY FOR TINY LITTLE MOMENTS THAT MEAN THE WORLD. FUCK. GOT ME FUCKED UP.

so that wraps up the why. fuck man. its just such a good ship. if you read this big ass text post, thank you for indulging me, i hope you enjoyed it! because i enjoy it very much 👀 so stick around if you’d like to for a shit load of IZ and zadr content on this blog, possibly (MAYBE) even from me!! come roll around in alien hell with me why dontcha ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ its a fun time! thanks for reading!!!

SO THAT’S MY MANIFESTO Y’ALL, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH YOUR OWN REASONS!! I WOULD LOVE FOR THIS POST TO JUST BECOME A BIG GIANT PILE OF LOVE AND YELLING!! GO NUTS! SCREAM ABOUT IT! INFODUMP! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’LL READ EVERY LAST REPLY! Y’ALL DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR SHIP BC IT’S LITERALLY THE FUCKING BEST!!! LOVE Y’ALL!!!!!!

#in this trying time of shippers being stressed over discourse #i offer a gift<3 because i love you guys #and we should spread the love #i want yall to go OFF #tell me every little fuckin thing about zadr that makes ur heart doki OK #LETS GO 👏👏👏#invader zim #zadr #text post #my post #long post

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rouge-the-bat · 4 years

Text

OOPS I HAD STARTED THIS THEN SAVED AS A DRAFT TO FINISH LATER BUT THEN FORGOT SO ITS. BEEN A BIT SINCE I WAS ACTUALLY TAGGED FOR THIS LMAO

ANYWAYS i was tagged by @skayforrest :'33

Rules: Please make your own text post when answering these to avoid long posts. Highlight/bold what applies to you!

for me to make it easier for me to read im going for:

bold: definitely me :3

italics: kinda me!

strikethrough: not me at All

(subscript parenthesis): my comments! (bc im very rambly lol)

also changing // between different phrases to ♡♡ to make it easier for me to distinguish between phrases too owo

♡ Appearance ♡

I am over 5’5 ♡♡ I wear glasses/contacts ♡♡ I have blonde hair ♡♡ I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing ♡♡ I have one or more piercings (my ears!) ♡♡ I have at least one tattoo (i want to get one of a drawing ive made soon tho!) ♡♡ I have blue eyes ♡♡ I have dyed or highlighted my hair (its p much back to normal now tho- and i want to dye it pink someday) ♡♡ I have gotten plastic surgery ♡♡ I have or had braces ♡♡ I sunburn easily ♡♡ I have freckles ♡♡ I paint my nails (not super often but i have fun doing it occasionally owo!) ♡♡ I typically wear makeup (i rarely do and usually its just lispstick, with maybe eyshadow and/or eyeliner) ♡♡ I don’t often smile (i can be really smiley sometimes but i dont interact with others much (esp irl) so i tend to not emote a whole lot) ♡♡ I am pleased with how I look (im cute round n chubby!!) ♡♡ I prefer nike to adidas (i literally dont care) ♡♡ I wear baseball caps backwards

♡ Hobbies & Interests ♡

I play a sport (i play... wii sports and real life bowling sometimes at most :'3) ♡♡ I can play an instrument (its been a really long time but i learned clarinet from school band) ♡♡ I am artistic ♡♡ I know more than one language (id like to learn some tho, like japanese, french, and/or korean maybe?) ♡♡ I have won a trophy in some sort of competition (never a Literal trophy :O) ♡♡ I can cook or bake without a recipe ♡♡ I know how to swim ♡♡ I enjoy writing (i like to but school has made me anxious anytime i try now ;w;) ♡♡ I can do origami ♡♡ I prefer movies to tv shows ♡♡ I can execute a perfect somersault ♡♡ I enjoy singing (exclusively for singing along, i dont really ever sing on my own lol) ♡♡ I could survive in the wild on my own ♡♡ I have read a new book series this year ♡♡ I enjoy spending time with my friends (who wouldnt!! esp with my friends, theyre amazing :'3) ♡♡ I travel during school or work breaks (id like to travel more..) ♡♡ I can do a handstand

♡ Relationships ♡

I am in a relationship (my girlfriend is so wonderful 🥰) ♡♡ I have been single for over a year (been dating my gf for almost 2 full years now!) ♡♡ I have a crush (fictional crushes count right? bc i have a million of those lol) ♡♡ I have a best friend I have known for ten years ♡♡ My parents are together ♡♡ I have hooked up with my best friend (thats meaning sexual right? bc im sex repulsed and so is my gf whos my best friend so, absolutely not lol) ♡♡ I am adopted ♡♡ My crush has confessed to me (im p much always the first to confess lol) ♡♡ I have had a long-distance relationship (hopefully someday tho it wont be long distance :'3) ♡♡ I am an only child (dear god no i have. 1 full brother, 3 half brothers, 1 half sister, and 2 or 3 step brothers gjkxjfk) ♡♡ I give advice to my friends (im not the best with advice but i try when i can!!) ♡♡ I have made an online friend (all of my current friends are online!) ♡♡ I met up with someone I have met online (GOD I WISH)

♡ Aesthetics ♡

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell ♡♡ I have watched the sunrise (many times, after being awake all night bc im p mych nocturnal lol) ♡♡ I enjoy rainy days (god i love rain so much) ♡♡ I have slept under the stars (iirc im p sure ive slept in a tent for going camping before ??? but my memory sucks so im not sure if that happened or i just always wanted to gjkdjg) ♡♡ I meditate outside (maybe i should try that sometime..) ♡♡ The sound of chirping calms me ♡♡ I enjoy the smell of the beach (ive been to a beach just a couple times.. i dont remember what it smelled like) ♡♡ I know what snow tastes like (i eat snow EVERY time it snows here, esp to make snow cream) ♡♡ I listen to music to fall asleep (on occasion! always instrumental stuff, sometimes meant for relaxing or sometimes just a comfort song from a game i love) ♡♡ I enjoy thunderstorms ♡♡ I enjoy cloud watching ♡♡ I have attended a bonfire ♡♡ I pay close attention to colors (ofc ! i love colors and graphic design is my passion- but like Actually, im not quoting the meme lol) ♡♡ I find mystery in the ocean ♡♡ I enjoy hiking on nature paths (would REALLY need to be in the mood for it) ♡♡ Autumn is my favourite season (close ! i love the chilly air and aesthetic of autumn as well, but winter is my ultimate comfort season <3)

♡ Miscellaneous ♡

I can fall asleep in moving vehicles ♡♡ I am the mom friend (mom friend mode can activate on Occasion, but usually im silly bastard friend) ♡♡ I am involved in extracurricular activities (im not in school) ♡♡ I enjoy mexican food ♡♡ I can drive a stick-shift (i still havent learned how to drive yet owo;;) ♡♡ I believe in true love (probably not in a typical sense?) ♡♡ I make up scenarios to fall asleep (oh no, i make up scenarios constantly in my head throughout the day, i get way too invested in them so they usually keep me up if i think about them when trying to sleep) ♡♡ I sing in the shower ♡♡ I wish I lived in a superhero movie (i def wanna live in some fictional worlds, but superhero movies arent things im usually into) ♡♡ I have a canopy above my bed ♡♡ I am multiracial (im not super familiar with my ancestry rn, so idk. would like to know sometime tho) ♡♡ I am a redhead ♡♡ I own at least 3 dogs/cats (rn i have 2 dogs and 3 cats!)

and uhhh ill tag @spiiderbiites @miphelda @kipokin @queerplyke @ameila if yall wanna do it :3? (if yalld like i can go thru n supply a version of this without all of my font edits and comments!) AH WHOOPS I GOT A URL MESSED UP BUT XENOLEAF U CAN DO TOO IF U WANT

#starry asks #uh not exactly an ask but ill use that tag for tag games like this #ive been tagged in a few of these kinda posts so im trying to catch up rn !!

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