#ill color these guys eventually i promise ..

[selfspinninglies]

HI I forgot to post these . Anyway sig x dinoverse au anyone [elevator hitch flavor]

[lmaowhatt]

𝐣𝐣 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐠𝐮𝐲.

— this entire blurb is inspired by @rafescokewhore's tit obsessed rafe and is not meant to copy their work in the slightest!

main masterlist

—sfw! (?)

jj maybank, as we all know him, is a guy who thrives off of words of affirmation. that being said, the thought of sweet nothings whispered into each other's ears, soft "i love you's" shared throughout the day when no one else is around, and small expressions of adoration that serve to remind him of how deeply you care is one of the things hes most grateful for in your relationship.

but something he perfers above this? physical touch. while the thought of holding each others hands while at a party at the boneyard, or the times when youd wrap his arm around your shoulders as you took a stroll on the beach after a date was a good memory to have, that was all recognized as a form of affection infront of others. and while he loved showing you off like a trophy, the thing that really got him going was your ass. plain and simple.

on the worst of worse days, your ass you being there was the cure.

and there was no way hed share that with anyone else.

he would, however, show off what others couldnt have.

➯ every hug, no matter where the two of you were, his hands would always find their way around your waist, where they eventually travel to your ass, sometimes to be left placed there, other times theyd give it a soft squeeze.

almost always, youd groan as you pulled away, "stop doing that, jj." he would only smirk, catching the way your cheeks would flush a soft pink color when he patted your ass in retaliation as you walked away.

➯ when the two of you found yourselves cuddling either really late at night or early in the morning, he would always prefer to be the big spoon. most of the time, a hand would be placed over your stomach, the other draped over your thighs, pulling you flush against him, trying to hold back a lazy smirk at the way your breath would hitch when you felt his hard on against the swell of our ass.

➯ of course, his absolute favortie. clothes on you would be his t-shirts with or without, he wasnt picky your panties on under. a close secon would be any other piece of his clothing, even his boxers. when this happened, he complained the slightest. no matter how apart the two of you were, a selfie of your daily fit check would have practically having at his knees, realization dawning on his that you were his and his only.

➯ as a man who thrives off physical touch, a simple gesture jj loves performing is wrapping an arm around your waist and placing his hand in your pants pocket. or shorts, depending on the day. while above the surface it way seem like a loving gesture a boyfriend would do on his girlfriend on a random day, to jj, it served to send a warning to any thirsty guys that are defnitely might be looking in your direction.

—soft of sfw!

➯ in times when the two of you finally got some well deserved alone time, youd find yourselves in jjs designated bedroom at john bs house. youd be chest to chest, your head resting against his shoulder, fingers tracing small shapes on his clothed chest. all the while hed have a tight grip on your ass, slowly rutting your hips against his, the arousal that coated your bottoms slowly stainign his sweats.

➯ hed wrap an arm around your waist, toying with the waistband of whatever bottoms youd be wearing, tucking the other one on the underside of your thigh. "you need to stop movin', a'ight?" hed take a gentle hold of your hand, your eyes following his every movement, eliciting a small laugh to come from you. "seriously?" you would raise an eyebrow at him as he cupped himself with your hand, just barely pressing down as if to relieve himself.

➯ hed furrow his eyebrows with a pleading look, struggling to hold back. "please baby... ill make you feel s'good mamas, swear." the whisper would come out as a gentle promise, his breath fanning your neck. nine times out of ten, this situation would end up with both of you either rushing off to the chateau, almost tearing each others clothes off or resting against the seats of the twinkie. hell, sometimes youd risk everything by slyly (not slyly) finding each other in a more private area of the beach. heavy, ragged breaths would leave your mouths as you came down from your highs.

➯ sometimes, when in a less that appropriate outfit around him, hed hug you from behind, rubbing his growing erection against your ass. "baby, youre killing me." you would then roll your eyes, supressing a giggle from his earshot. as you turned in his arms, his hands would travel to your ass, pulling you impossibly closer towards him. "cmon mamas, five minutes. s'all i need."

—nsfw!

➯ the tight grip hed have on your ass never faltered, whimpering shamelessly against your lips as you rutted your hips against his, even when fully clothed. he would move to place sloppy, rushed kisses against your neck, eventually moving to your collarbone and back up to your lips. "this is torture, beautiful.."

➯ your mascara stained face would rub against the mattress, makeup residue staining the sheets. youd turn your head to the side, a tear sliding down your cheek as you watched him from your peripheral, right in time for him to land yet another harsh smack against your already red and very swollen ass, his thrusts timed perfectly with the action. kneading the plush flesh and he muttered a half assed apology he probably didnt mean.

"h– holy shit baby.." hed hunch over, pressing his chest against your back, a sheen layer of sweat coating both of your bodies. "all mine, right? this ass is all mine baby. cmon say it.. yknow it is.." he would wrap his forearm around your neck, pulling you back up so the him, your back flush against his chest as you threw your head back onto his shoulder, a hand wrapped around the back of his neck as your release neared.

a/n: im back!! school was taking over my entire life but i finally caught with all my work so here's this!

psa: as of now, id say i own this only because i haven't seen this concept before. but, if it is owned by anybody else, i wont hesitate in giving credit just let me know!

[arieslost]

lando looking after his gf when shes coming down with a fever. she’s all dizzy and nauseous but he’s by her side, holding her up with his hand on her waist to guide her around the house so that her dizziness doesn’t take over and she flops onto the floor. i just think he would be such a sweetheart when his girl is ill

the way this was exactly how i felt on my birthday a couple weeks ago bc i had covid…

TW illness/dizziness!!!

he seems like the type of guy to be very attentive to his girl no matter what, but especially when she isn’t feeling well. he might panic internally, because he can’t immediately come up with a solution that will make her feel better, but he won’t let her see it.

he’ll be sitting with her on the couch, her legs resting over his lap, gently combing his fingers through her hair because she’d mumbled, “feels nice,” the words barely discernible as they passed through her pale lips. and he wants to do everything in his power to make her feel better.

“d’you want to go back to bed?” he’ll ask eventually, after watching her adjust her position on the couch a few times.

“i’m so dizzy,” she whispers, a hand coming up to press at her eyes, her forehead. “even just laying here, i’m so dizzy.”

“let me help you back to bed,” he suggests, slowly sitting up as to not jostle her too much. “i’m gonna put your legs down, okay? i’ll help you sit up and we’ll go from there.”

she lets him guide her with utmost trust, and he’ll bring up how special and loved that makes him feel another time when she’s feeling better. eventually he gets her on her feet, holding her still for a moment so she can get her bearings.

“don’t let go,” she says, voice monotone.

“never,” he promises, one hand firm on her hip and the other tightly grasped in her own. “i’ve got you.”

she doesn’t express her thanks until he has her gently laid in bed, a cool cloth resting on her forehead. he straightens up for a moment in order to figure out how to best join her without disturbing her newfound peace, and she reaches for his hand again.

“lan?”

“yeah?”

“thank you for taking care of me,” she says quietly.

his heart melts at the sight of her, some color returning to her face as she holds onto him.

“always, baby.” he replies, kissing the top of her head.

and she knows that, when he inevitably ends up in her position a few days later, she’ll say the same exact thing to him.

[acidblum]

— Яitual ¹

Rockstar!Ellie Williams x Vampire!Reader (w/c: 2.2k)

DO NOT BUY TLOU

AO3 MASTERLIST/SERIES MAS.

⚠︎ WARNINGS: +18 MINORS/MEN DNI, reader isn't mentioned as much in this part, talks of animal consumption, sisterly banter, nothing that bad. no mentions of readers skin colour or hair texture.

ⓘ A/N: AAAAHHHHH y’all i’m super excited to start this, this chapter is a bit short and there isn’t much dialogue but i promise the next one will have more of that, i can’t wait for y’all to meet our feisty reader. i’d love to know your thoughts and all that so don’t hold back <3

a cruel big ball of nothingness. is what this world is, at least to Ellie, a rebel in hindsight should’ve never rebelled. with a heart that yearned for the unknown, a love for something bigger that was never sedated.

one could look at her and think nothing of her but a wannabe rockstar, merely looking for fame, with a level of charm that was unmatched. She got away with everything she did, coming back to the hotel after gigs with girls hanging off of her arms like trophies, waking up the next day with no memory of it at all and kicking said girls whose names she didn’t bother even learning out with no remorse. getting drunk and high like no other motherfucker in New York.

Ellie grew up in Boston with the dream of becoming just like her father, he taught her how to hit the chords right and to strum a classical guitar with soul. From then and to his disdain she switched to playing an electric guitar, making him go through many sleepless nights and a lot of yelling and shouting filling up the two story—usually very calm and tranquil house.

she also ached to be like her sister, Sarah. perfect in every way, soft with no hard edges, a pure angel who does no ill whatsoever. who did try to smoke a cig with Ellie and her friends that one time “ellie please let me try..just this one time i swearrr” big brown eyes pleading her sister even though she knows who’ll be kicked out for the night if their dad finds out. “hmph..You’re about to get me in big trouble sis” she coughed from the first inhale she dared to take—meanwhile it was second nature to Ellie from the first try, and there was no way of stopping her afterwards.

painting her room black opposite to Sarah's pink colorful and very sunny one, coming home reeking of pot, body littered with hickeys, and bloodshot eyes—getting a head shake of disappointment from her big guy. driving her truck drunk out of her mind, getting arrested and spending the night in jail as a punishment from her dad. She was mature enough to know what was right and what was crossing the line— yet she loved acting as if she didn't.

When Jesse started playing the drums and Dina was already on bass, with ellie as their front man they decided to form a nu metal band together, dina came up with the name. The Lost Of Us. and it was just something silly in their minds to pass the time by. Eventually prompting them to move in together, they started doing small gigs here and there, whilst uploading their videos on YouTube. Until a record label from New York reached out to them and they sure would’ve been dumb to refuse the generous offer.

because now they are one of the most popular bands in the entire planet, doing numbers and topping charts left and right. Everyone who claimed they were satanic and doubted them heard them on the radio and it was least to say.. inescapable

𓃭

and then there's your mother who had you and three of your immortal siblings, you were the youngest, she loved you like no other which prompted utter jealousy from your siblings, in the end favoritism existed even among the undead.

your childhood was filled of conversations that could be said to be silly and downright gory—which at least kept the household a tad bit alive

“mother can i eat Riley’s bunny for dinner?”

she tuts “no that’s the eleventh rabbit now” when your sister comes in view from the other side of the spacious dining room. hitting the table after taking a seat “she is such a spoiled cunt!”

“language Riley..you will respect each other” prompting the both of you to murmur “yes mother” flipping your older sister the bird with a mischievous glint. making the rest of your siblings laugh quietly at the both of your antics.

you're the one that ought to be hidden, for your allure was out of this world. not even the underworld could deny how divine and breathtaking u are, a menace? yes you are. leaving scattered bodies all over the fort and sucking the forbidden fruit dry. but everything can be looked over when you look like that.

You were always a lover of music, back then and now. you’ve encountered many good musicians, heard and befriended the best of them. roamed the world and lived many lives under many different names and identities—for safety purposes.

rumor says that your kind cannot mingle in the sun for a millisecond which isn’t all that wrong, you’ve gone the extra mile of asking a very dear friend of yours who is a psychic to orchestrate a special ring to keep your vessel from turning into ashes.

𓃭

"hey Ells uhmm Dina says we should head to the studio to check out this guy's samples?" Jesse peeps over the door into Ellie's room who’s sitting on the bean bag in their hotel suite "yeah sure just lemme get my phone" standing up, stretching her arms, shaking off the drowsiness, she picks her phone from the table and walks behind Jesse.

"gosh i told you to go get her what took you so long" Dina stands with her hands on her waist wearing a turtleneck sweater with black jeans and black boots "what, i had to go pee first" he whispers making Dina groan before taking the suite card out and locking the door.

With Jesse driving and Dina beside him Ellie sat in the backseat. pulling out her headphones from her jeans back pocket and putting them on she puts her Spotify on shuffle to Type O Negative, before her nose picks up on the most enchanting smell she's ever smelt and she can't even pinpoint where exactly this smell is coming from " y'all smelling this?" Dina looks at her " hm smelling what? ew Jesse did u fart are u serious right now" she shakes her head while Jesse is laughing his ass off "no why the fuck do i smell this right now"

"i think you're just sleepy Ells, just nap till we get there"

and she does just that. waking up to a blood curdling scene where she's standing in front of a mirror, naked as the day she was born in some type of a chamber with an unknown woman standing behind her in a red robe. Fangs bared with red eyes that are looking into her soul she tries to look around but sees nothing other than dead bodies lying around, on the bed, inside the bathtub and all over the floor with blood and the smell of it everywhere.

she looks back at the woman with nostrils flaring, tears welling up in horror that she can't even move her pinky finger, a sharp fingernail running from her waist to her pebbled nipple and flick, she tries to breathe in at the feeling that is almost too real, but feels like there is not enough air in her lungs to do so.

voices start whispering around her figure, the woman behind her inching closer to sink her fangs into Ellie's neck.

she jumps up feeling dread and utter fear, breathing in and out "Jesus fuck Ells you scared me” Dina looks at Ellie in confusion wanting ask more “what wa-“

Before Jesse cuts her “we’re here” she feels the cold sweat with her hand "yeah I'm awake shut up” spitting the words out harsher than intended to no one in particular. trying to come back to her senses.

They all get out of the car, her nose still plagued with the rich smell of the perfume, and the eyes of that certain woman who couldn’t be real. She tries to remind herself that vampires don’t actually exist.

They head inside with their manager, before meeting with this 'guy' their manager talks about "I swear you're gonna like this one" . He said that about the last producer and he sucked ass. Dina chuckles "you already said that last time mickey, what's his name?" mickey was one hell of a manager, he wasn’t a very well known one in the industry but he ran a tight circle that opened many doors for the band. clearing his throat uncomfortably " Orpheus, i mean he looks a bit sick as fuck but you'll like his music". Dina looks at Jesse mouthing at him "a weirdo?"

“ just like you dee, guess we found your twin”

Mickey opens the door motioning for them to head in, the air shifting around to this weird cold feeling making them all shiver before the producer greets Ellie with a stretched hand “Orpheus, nice to finally meet the band”. for a second there she swore his eyes turned red, full on questioning her sanity “yea…hey man” shaking his freezing hand, showing him a half uninterested smile before heading to the couch on the corner of the dark dimly lit brown room. Taking out her phone scrolling aimlessly.

He plays the sample and all of a sudden she’s very interested in what this guy has to offer, going to stand beside him “can we keep the backup vocals?”

“yeah of course but i’ll have to get permission from the hired vocalist”

“u need permission for that??”

“yeah trust me i better then not to get this one’s, we 100% need to do so”

he heads outside the door seemingly calling someone, she shrugs before going to the drinks tray on the right corner of the room. filled with expensive drinks and liquor that dates back to the 1950s, definitely should be displayed in a museum.

“hey Jesse get your ass over here n check this out”

“what”

“look at this bottle man”

pushing the bottle close to his face, she got so close to breaking it on his nose before he read it and turned to Dina.

“this is wild i swear dee you have to see this”

she replies in an agitated tone “stop being such kids n sit the fuck down guys” murmuring incoherent words under her breath before going to check on the producer opening the door as tiny as she could eavesdropping at him

“yes ma’am o-of course…no your younger sister will hear none of this"

he instantly spots her, turning her way with his eyes looking straight into her soul with a smile that's not quite reaching his eyes. sending shivers down her body. she closes the door so slowly with pressed lips “whoops”.

Staying for a couple of hours in the studio was no feat for the trio, but staying in a dark weirdly decorated one that smells like the most expensive musk which also had them feeling jittery was something else entirely, the producer worked amazingly with them but the vibe was entirely off, especially for Ellie whom after that weird dream couldn't get her lyrics right most of the recording session.

After wrapping it up everyone bids their goodbyes before heading to the hotel to prepare for their awaited show where their makeup and costume staff is waiting for them which also gives them no time to rest.

𓃭

“Can i get a cup of hot chocolate please Suzanne”

Ellie says to their assistant from her place on the makeup chair sighing while a makeup artist is doing a subtle dark shimmery look on her, she’s already wearing her signature fit of black on black with hints of chrome and a few patches here and there on her black jacket.

“Gosh you do actually never beat the loser allegations” Dina comes in before taking her seat beside Ellie in front of the very lit mirror.

“You claim that but I saw you with your tongue down Jesse's throat in an alley last week, much for being the bisexual of the band huh?” she looks back at her with a gaping mouth “yeah i saw that” Ellie taunts and Dina cannot but flip Ellie the bird, continuing on putting her spike earrings on.

“Do you think we should tease one of the new songs?”

“Eh no?..unless you’d like to give Mickey a heart attack??”

“I mean it’ll be funny seeing his face backstage while he's losing it” Jesse sits beside Dina putting one leg on top of the other on top of the dressing table looking at her longingly while she’s putting on some mascara. Stretching his hand to put it on her waist without Ellie seeing. “Bro I can literally see you from the mirror wha-...”

She’d rather die than third wheel these two, especially with them being in a whole band and finally gaining recognition ain’t no way this is going to be another fleetwood mac experience for her. She might’ve had a bit of a crush on Dina and maybe smoked pot with her and ended up making out on their beat up sofa. Which could also mean it's a bit too late for her to not let them live it out.

Before any of the two respond with anything the screams of their fans catches Ellie’s attention before Jessica is back with the hot chocolate and their headworn microphones

“You’re out in 30 c’mon guys i need you to kill this” Mickey comes in before doing the rock on as hard as he could, seeing the disapproval of everyone including the assistants, clearing his throat he takes a seat on the chair drinking his bottle of water as if nothing happened.

taglist 🗞️:

© 2024 acidblum, All Rights Reserved.

[cecilyv]

New Fic: A comet's misfortune | 9-1-1 | Buck/Tommy

17.3k | General Audiences

[Read here on a03]

Honestly, last weekend? This fic was no where near being done, so I guess there's something to those "make me write" memes.

@liminalmemories21 has to take all the credit for the creation of this one, because she asked me one day, "But what about the rest of the Buckley family?" What about them, indeed.

Suddenly there was a family tree, a timeline and multiple drafts and eventually, a new fic, which we present to you today. This is the fic formerly known as 23&me. There is no DNA testing. There is so much back story on all of these characters (and the ones we never meet) that never made it into this fic.

If you’re sensitive about any discussion of illness (original character), be cautious with chapter four.

“Who did you say you were?” The guy looks a little taken aback. “Oh, umm, I don’t think I actually got that far. Sorry, that was stupid of me. I’m Jason.” He squints. “I think Madeline,” corrects himself, “Maddie? Is my cousin? I tried to contact her but I couldn’t find her number or email address.”

Buck knows he's giving away the game, should ask, how did you find this address, or something else but instead he raises his eyebrows, asks, “So you decided to show up on her doorstep instead?” The guy actually takes a step back at the bite in Buck’s tone. “Umm, sorry, yeah, no, I can see how that’s weird. Just,” he holds out his phone. “I found this picture of her in my mom’s attic? Her name was on the back.” Buck takes it reflexively, has to force himself to take his eyes off this guy long enough to look at the picture. It's definitely Maddie. Younger than he thinks he's ever seen her, which makes sense, because she's holding Daniel. He hands the phone back to Jason, who looks at Buck, and then at the phone, “You must be Daniel.” He looks delighted. But Buck can feel the color drain from his face, and his fingers are cold, and the door is the only thing holding him up. Stumbles when it opens and only catches his balance because Tommy’s a wall behind him. “Everything okay? Jee said there was someone you were talking to?” There’s a buzzing in Buck’s head, like after a loud explosion – he knows the guy and Tommy are talking, Tommy’s asking who he is, but it’s like they're underwater. He stands still, stuck, watches as Tommy stares down at the guy, using every inch of his frame to intimidate. The guy visibly swallows and tells Tommy, “Hi, I’m — I seem to have—“ he stops again, recoups. “I’m Maddie and Daniel’s cousin, Jason, and I’ve been trying to find them?” Buck has to laugh at that. Too dry, too brittle to be real. “I promise– Jason?” The guy nods. “I promise, Jason, that you haven’t been trying to find me.”

[rasp-my-berry]

a summer glowup pt. 2 // klitz x chubby reader

ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+

unfortunately i got really high and forgot to add in the part where they make their relationship off and got straight to the smut. additionally, it has been a significant amount of time since my last work and i wold like to apologize ahead of time if you pick up on stylistic changes in my writing. i am very out of practice and only just got in the mood to finish this work,, so quality definitely isn't what it used to be. i also haven’t completely gotten used to tumblrs format so i’m sorry this is so ugly

i also have failed to proofread as always since my keyboard thinks its funny to mess w me rn. ill most likely come back and make some tweaks eventually. i always do lol

the rest of that first day was... weird to say the least. people who wouldn't usually give you the time of day, as if you were a regular stain on the wall, suddenly had some interest in you. was it because you spent the summer out of state? because you came back with an entirely new wardrobe? because you were suddenly confident, suddenly had interesting things to say?

that's ridiculous. you refused to believe it. besides, you didn't care what they thought. all you cared about was the trio of boys and your best friend. they were the only people you wanted to spend time with. and who could blame you? you'd only known them for all of highschool up until now.

by the end of the day, you were exhausted from all the attention you had been receiving. you wondered if this was how new students and anyone regularly receiving that much attention felt. it was awful.

but finally, the end of the school day. you could leave and go home, do whatever you want- oh, right!! klitz wanted to hang out after school! suddenly you felt nervous again. not that you knew why. you'd already kissed the guy, so he knows how you feel. what's the big deal? there is no big deal.

until, of course, you saw him approaching, with eli and matt in tow. eli had a smug grin on his face and matt was snickering at something you couldn't hear. klitz looked like a wreck. sweaty, shaky, and pale. scratch that last one. he's always been that pale. poor boy hardly ever sees any sun. you'd have to change that. get some healthy color in him.

"hi guys!!" you smiled, waving as you walked over.

eli smiled and waved at you, walking over faster than the other two. he was always like this. an overexcitable puppy, you liked to call him. you were surprised he didn't pee a little bit when he first saw you earlier today. he always seemed like the type to pee when he gets excited.

"hey y/n." klitz greeted nervously, his voice shaky. he was definitely nervous for whatever you had in store for him.

you grabbed his hand and pulled him closer, using your other hand to hold his arm and keep him at your side. "hey klitzy boo~"

matt greeted you and took his spot in the small circle you four were forming. "so, what're we doing tonight?" he asked.

"oh, sorry. klitz and i are gonna be... uh.. occupied tonight-" you started before eli cut you off.

"UGHHHHHHHH!" he groaned in exasperation. "you mean to tell me, we don't get to see you for a whole summer and you're gonna spend your first night back with klitz??? i always knew you wanted to ride him like a freak, but i never thought i'd see the day you would abandon us to do it!"

you had to laugh. you had to give it to him. eli's definitely funny. a giggle passed your lips and klitz started trembling. you just sounded so angelic.

"i PROMISE we'll hang out tomorrow! i just have some lost time to make up for with klitz." you defended. "besides, i bet you guys don't even know he kissed me this morning. that kinda changes things a little bit."

"HE KISSED YOU?" matt shouted.

"WHAT DOES THAT CHANGE??" eli's shouts overlapped matt's.

you laughed. "you know what i mean, right klitz? can you explain it to them?"

he sighed, hating to have to explain this to his friends. "yea, i kissed her earlier. and it doesn't change everything but it might just mean that... yknow... we won't be spending every day together.. y/n and i are gonna want private time too."

"WHY NOT?" eli started. "yknow i wouldn't mind watching you two do a little.." he started wiggling his fingers together from both hands, trying to make a sexual gesture??

your jaw dropped and you had to contain your laughter. "oh, stop it! only way you'll be seeing that is if we decide to tease you and send a video." you rolled your eyes.

eli visibly slouched, your words distressing him. he turned to klitz, grabbing his shoulders roughly. "klitzy.... klitzy, klitzy, klitzy..."

"what, eli?" klitz hesitated, scared of what eli could possibly have in store.

"OH BABIE PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE," eli dropped to his knees, tugging on klitz's pant leg and literally sobbing at this point. tears streamed down his cheeks like a waterfall and snot was collecting on his upper lip. disgusting. " YOU GOTTA FUCK HER, BRO! FOR ME!! FOR MEEEE!! RIDE IT, SUCK IT, LICK IT, SPIT ON IT FOR MEEEEEEE!!!"

people were beginning to stare, and klitz hated having people look at him. he would say anything to get eli to stop this tantrum. "yea, whatever, dude. i'll do her raw and hard just like you would want to..."

"promise?" eli squeaked, holding out his pinky finger.

klitz sighed, putting his pinky out as well and linking it with eli's. "i promise."

you couldn't help the giggle that escaped you. you wouldn't necessarily be upset if klitz followed through with that promise...

"well, we really should get going. we wouldn't want to be late for.... yea!!" you smiled, tugging klitz's arm and trying to get him away from the boys. "we'll talk to you guys tomorrow!! fill you in on all the details, don't even worry. it'll be like you guys were there!! promise!"

matt rolled his eyes. "what if we don't WANT-"

"THANK YOU!" eli sobbed, still on his knees. he turned to matt and began hugging his legs, crying into his knees.

taking a deep breath, you hugged klitz's arm, pulling him in the direction of your house. it wasn't a long walk, and not an unfamiliar one, either. ever since you had become friends with the tripod, everybody regularly got at everybody's houses. it wasn't uncommon for you to wake up to your mom telling you the boys were waiting downstairs. it was a little silly, actually.

"so, my parents actually won't be home tonight..." you started. "they wanted to visit my grandparents, so we've got the house to ourselves! we can do whatever you want."

"whatever i want?" he gulped, that nervous feeling rising up again.

you nodded your head. "yup!" and popped the 'p' as you spoke.

he hummed in thought. "well, we could watch that movie you were telling me about last time... or do our homework."

"homework?" you raised a brow. "i am not doing that shit. i'll get to it tomorrow."

he laughed. "ok, ok. how do you feel about the movie then?"

"i like that idea!! we've got some snacks at home so we can have fun getting a whole spread out!" you smiled.

once the two of you got inside, you let klitz raid the pantry and fridge while you ran around trying to find the dvd for the movie you mentioned to him not too long ago. once you finally found it, you sang victoriously. "finally!"

running back to the living room, you paused at the base of the stairs, watching klitz for a moment. he was sitting in front of a coffee table, setting up the snacks very carefully. he sat back for a second before leaning back and turning a bag of chips just a few centimeters over. he sat back and made a motion with his hands as if to say "stay."

you didn't want to startle him, let alone make him think you're making fun, but you giggled. "oops- sorry. it doesn't have to be perfect y'know. we're probably gonna mess it up anyways."

his eyes widened at that. at first he took it the wrong way, seeing only a sexual meaning in that statement. then he realized you were right. reaching for snacks and pulling them out of the bags would only result in a messed up sequence of what he originally laid out. he felt so silly for being so easily flustered.

"you're right. i just wanted it to look nice." he stuttered.

you smiled, taking a spot on the floor to put the dvd in. "well, i appreciate the effort klitzy poo."

he smiled and sat back on the couch, clearing his throat out of nervous habit. once the dvd was in, you grabbed the remote and took a spot next to klitz, instantly snuggling up in his side. he tensed up at that, fear and nervous thoughts instantly swarming his mind.

what if he smells bad? what if you can hear how fast his heart is beating? what if you can tell how nervous he is by listening to his breathing pattern? are you as nervous as he is? it doesn't seem like it. why can't he be as relaxed as you???

the movie started and you smiled, snuggling deeper into him. "you're gonna love this!! you like romcoms right?"

"o-oh! yeah! they're popular for a reason." he laughed nervously, and you giggled at how nervous he was.

a part of you liked knowing that you made him this nervous. another part wished he could just relax around you. you knew you would never judge him or anything like that. maybe he didn't know that.

about half an hour into the movie, HALF AN HOUR, there was a sex scene. at this point, klitz had finally relaxed and rested a hand on your hip, occasionally massaging the area subconsciously, as if it was something he'd done a thousand times (which he had. when you went shopping with the boys and it was crowded, he had a habit of holding and pulling you close to him so he doesn't lose you.)

klitz was already tense as it was, but you felt the feminine urge to tease him. with your free hand, you rested it on his thigh, running your thumb over it smoothly, slowly.

you could feel his thigh tense up under your touch and heard his breath get caught in his throat. he was holding his breath, watching you carefully. were you aware of the effect you had on him? could you tell? his hands were shaking and covered in a layer of sweat.

your hand slowly started massaging his thigh, moving up, up, up. you waited for a reaction. but he was focusing so hard on the movie and trying to block out what you were doing to him. he was gonna snap if this went on any longer.

your hand finally got high enough to where he couldn't take it.

he whined and stood up instantly, is if trying to get away before he embarrassed himself. "w... we should do something!!"

"like what, klitzy?" you asked, batting your lashes. "have anything in mind?"

his breath hitched and he could feel a heat pooling in his groin. he sighed. he knew exactly what he wanted to do to you, he just didn't have the confidence to get himself there. fuck it. yolo... or whatever. "let's get freaky."

did he seriously just say that. he could've said literally anything else. he was slapping himself repeatedly in his head, cursing himself for being so damn stupid.

"okay!" you smiled, sitting up.

fuck. he didn't think that would work. you're so pretty. he just wants to worship you, make you feel good in every way possible. "wait, wait, wait- actually???"

you sighed, standing and slowly walking over to him. "klitz, i think you fail to realize just how long i've been waiting for this moment. do you have any idea how long i've been infatuated with you?"

you rested your hands on his chest, slowly sliding them down, down, down to his belt buckle. you gave it a tug and sank to your knees. he could hardly breathe, hardly think. this was actually happening. this wasn't a dream, or some fantasy he was coming up with again.

"w-wait!!" he stopped you. "not like this. i wanted to please you."

your face burned in embarrassment and you shamelessly got butterflies from that statement alone. "oh!" you giggled nervously. but if he wanted to take charge, you would let him. "what do you want me to do?" you asked, standing again.

"just sit back on the couch. make yourself comfortable." he said, lightly nudging you back.

once you were seated he walked over, dropping to his knees before you. he stared into your eyes for a moment, just taking you in. you smiled at him, suddenly a little nervous. you didn't know what to expect from him. you were rigid, sitting up straight and staring down at him.

he offered you a smile back, before looking down. he grabbed your leg, kissing your knee through the pants you were wearing. you suddenly wished you had changed into something else when you had gotten home.

he kissed the top of your bare foot, running a hand along your leg under your pant leg.

he could feel how smooth your skin was, how warm it was. he could smell your perfume. the smell lasted forever, it always had, but this time it was intoxicating. he reached up, slowly following his hands with his lips, kissing a trail from your ankle to your knee. once he reached your thighs, he paused. he looked up at you, double checking that this was what you wanted.

you nodded your head. "keep going." you mumbled, afraid your voice would fail you.

he finally unbuttoned your pants, unzipped them, and tugged them off of you carefully. he stared at the panties you were wearing for a few seconds. he'd seen those before. they were your favorite.

you used to tease him by bending over when you wore skirts and turn around and say 'oops' when you saw he was behind you. just another one of those things he wished for so long you could've done in a different setting. but teasing each other had always been the nature of your friendship.

his breath shuddered, and it left goosebumps on your thighs. his hands were on your knees, gently pushing them apart to make room for his head. you didn't fight him, but god were you nervous.

he kissed your inner thigh, taking a deep breath as he did so. he continued to kiss inward, trailing from your knee all the way up until he was right in front of your clothed pussy. he kissed right at the hem of your panties.

you suppressed a whine. "oh, get on with it already, don't tease me."

he laughed nervously before finally pulling off your underwear. he grabbed a hold of your soft hips and pulled you closer. you were now barely sitting on the couch, your weight being supported by your arms. the closer he got to your arousal, the deeper your breaths became. klitz spread your legs farther, wanting a better view of you.

he could smell you, practically taste you. he'd never admit just how horny that made him. he loved the smell, the look of it all. his cock twitched in his pants, and he had to stop himself from groaning aloud.

he started by kissing you, right above your clit. you shuddered at the feeling, scooting a little farther out. "please, klitz, just- just-"

you would've specified what you wanted but his lips latching on to your clit kind of made you lose your train of thought. you couldn't help it. you moaned instantly.  he hummed against you, dragging his tongue against your clit. reaching up, he sank two fingers into you, gently curling them upward directly onto your sweet spot.

your hands immediately found their way to his head, pulling him closer, cursing aloud all the while. "fuck- right there-"

your moans were enough to stimulate him. he loved the sounds you were making. anytime you moaned, he couldn't help but moan as well. you just sounded so hot, so needy. and knowing he was making you feel so good only urged him to do more, to do better.

you had no idea where he learned to do this. as far as you knew, he was as inexperienced as you were, not that it really mattered anyway. you were just startled.

almost desperate for breath, he pulled away. his glasses were fogged, and his hair was a little messed up.. practically the most arousing vision ever. he pressed his thumb to your clit, the two fingers inside you working their magic while you squirmed on the couch. you wrapped your legs around him, crossing your ankles where they met over his spine. you wanted to keep him as close as possible.

your arms were trembling now, beginning to buckle under your weight just a bit. you whined, the pleasure overwhelming you. you were getting close. you could feel a neediness build up in you, and you could hardly contain yourself.

"harder, faster, faster, fuck-" you panted, throwing your head back.

his free hand came up, kneading the plush of your thigh before trailing further up, under your shirt. he tenderly ran his hands over the soft skin of your stomach before finally finding your right breast. your moans deepened.

"i'm gonna cum-" you warned, your body bending to prepare for the wave of pleasure. he went right back with his mouth, removing his fingers so he could fully taste your pleasure.

he moaned against your clit, pushing you right over the edge. right as your moans turned to a scream, and you pushed his head farther into your pussy, he came as well, effectively ruining his pants.

he moaned against your clit, deeper, longer this time. the electric feel of his voice against your clit sent a shock of your spine, a small whimper leaving your lips. you panted, shocked by the overwhelming pleasure. your ears were ringing and you couldn't quite focus your eyes on anything. "klitz... i.. christ, that's the best i've ever had.."

you couldn't catch your breath for a solid minute, finally sitting up and running a hand through your hair. you noticed the spot on his pants and your hand flew to your mouth. "oh my god-"

he was still catching his breath. he pushed his still somewhat foggy glasses up, and eyes you curiously. "what is it?"

"did you..?" you paused.

he looked down and back up to you, his eyes now fearful. "i'm sorry! i know, it's, like, super pathetic and weird of me-"

"shut up, i think it's hot." you rushed. "did me feeling that good.. make you feel good?"

he nodded his head slowly.

"sick." you paused. "but are you gonna fuck me or are we leaving it at this?"

"whatever you want?" he looked up at you expectantly.

you smiled, batting your lashes at him. "i want you to ruin me. i want your dick balls deep inside me, klitzy."

his eyes widened, his jaw dropped, and his brows raised immediately. he didn't think you were capable of being so vulgar. especially in real life, compared to your texts. he gulped hard. fuck. he took a deep breath before leaning forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips. he supported his weight on your bare knees, massaging and caressing the skin there.

you sighed dreamily, melting under his touch. your eyes fluttered shut and you smiled. "you don't have to treat me as if i'm fine china." you giggled.

"you're just about as precious to me." he murmured as he stood to sit beside you on the couch.

you nearly swooned aloud, the words alone giving you butterflies. you grabbed a hold of his hands, his soft, gorgeous hands, and pulled him closer to you.

you stared at each other for a moment, awkward and nervous silence settling between the two of you. you raised a hand up to his cheek, cupping it gently. he melted into your touch, sighing deeply. you leaned forward and pressed a short kiss to his lips.

he barely got the chance to kiss back before you pulled away and pressed your hand to his chest, running it along the whole of his torso, stopping at the hem of his shirt. you glance back up at him for a split second, noticing the way he's watching your hands so intensely. a smile pulls at the corners of your lips and you finally lift the shirt up and over his head, throwing it a short distance away.

once again, you ran your hands up and down his chest, feeling his heart beating rapidly beneath your fingertips. your smile widened, and you went further, further down to his belt buckle, undoing it with ease. his breath caught in his throat, nervous once again. you pull his pants down, leaving him in his boxers. you don't say anything, just scoot closer.

you hover over him, your hands on either side of his head, and press another kiss to his lips. "can i keep going?"

"please." he sighs.

you giggle a bit and finally go back to pulling off the final layer. you don't say anything but your eyes widen visibly. it's silent between the both of you for a moment, the movie filling in for your lack of words.

"is something wro-" he starts, before you cut him off.

"KLITORIS??" you shout. "WHY HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THIS FROM ME FOR SO LONG???"

"huh-"

you scream into your hands. there's a panic in your whole body, excited to just devour his cock whole. "klitz, if i had known you had such a juicy, scrumptious, fat cock, i- UGHHHHH-"

you quickly composed yourself, taking a deep breath. when you looked back to klitz, you noticed just how red his face was. you smiled again and he began stuttering.

"um so anyways-"

"i'm gonna ride you." you said with a straight face. "and you're gonna hold me like this."

he gasped, a nervous chuckle following quickly after. "oh-! okay.."

scooting forward and putting your legs on either side of his hips, you grabbed his hands, placing them on your plush hips. his hands were trembling, and you asked again if this was what he wanted, to which he vigorously nodded his head.

you smiled, still looking down at him. his shoulders rested just above the arm rest of the couch, you were almost at perfect eye level with him. "are you gonna take your shirt off?" he asked. "you don't have to, but-"

you practically ripped your shirt off before he could even finish. he was in absolute awe of you. the illumination from the tv made you look almost angelic, looking down on him like this. you were glowing, ethereal. an angel.

his eyes trailed your body from top to bottom, admiring every inch. the way your tits sat, and your soft stomach, your amazing hips, and your thighs that had him weak in the knees. your gorgeous, wet pussy, just moments away from him. his cock twitched and it reminded him of what was about to happen.

"you ready?" you asked.

he nodded his head again, and you didn't need another second to think before slowly lowering yourself on his erection. you let out a shaky breath, looking down and watching to see how much you were taking in. klitz bit his lip, nearly moaning aloud. you were so wet, so warm. so perfect. his hands gripped your hips tighter than you expected. your breath shuddered slightly, your hands finding their place on his shoulders for support. you sank down as far as you could, finally releasing your breath once you stopped. it had hurt, just as expected, but not as bad as you anticipated. raising yourself up again, you started to build a rhythm as best you could.

your breath was unsteady, as were your legs. klitz could hardly bare it. any of it. he wanted to just grab you harder, move you to a rhythm he much more preferred. just absolutely destroy you. he whined suddenly, his fingers on your hips twitching slightly, their grip never loosening.

after a moment or so, klitz finally snapped, his grip somehow tightening. he lifted you and pulled you back down just how he wanted you to. his hips thrusted up into yours, meeting you halfway and creating harder thrusts. he moaned aloud, his breath shuddering slightly. he could barely take it. you were perfect. he felt as though you were made just for him. a perfect fit. you gasped at his sudden action, although pleasantly surprised nonetheless. but he didnt stop there, of course. he continued manipulating your movements at a rhythm he much preferred to the one you were moving to.

his moans flooded the room, louder than the movie you had put on. he was so glad he had finally plucked the courage to say something. he knew things wouldnt be the same after this, and he was perfectly okay with that. this is exactly what he's been dreaming of for years anyways.

he kept pushing and pulling, at first just quicker, but as time passed, you felt him pull you down onto him much rougher than before. you could feel his tip reaching deeper than you thought possible. you moans soon turned into slurred speech, begging him to go quicker, begging to cum.

he didnt want this to end so soon, though. still, he was kind to you, and did as asked. he helped you move quicker again, and began thrusting his hips upward, meeting you in the middle and bringing a roughness to the speed that was needed to push you over the edge.

he watched your body, the way it reacted to his movements, the way it rippled with every thrust. he thought you had never been more beautiful, your makeup smudged and smeared around your eyes from sweat and tears formed from pleasure. sweat glistened on your skin, but still.. gorgeous.

soon enough, he heard your moan get louder, and louder, louder. then he felt your body relax, your walls tightening around him, pulsing with your orgasm. it felt.. divine. klitz was in ecstasy, and he hadn't even cum yet. just watching you come undone made him feel just as good as you did in that moment. he moaned, his brows furrowed and jaw slacked open. you looked absolutely angelic when you were feeling the pinnacle of pleasure. he didn't stop there, though. he grabbed your hips and in a second you were on your stomach, ass up and all. you were nearly exhausted and completely drenched. not just sweat, but the liquid arousal between your legs. he wanted to devour you again, but first, he wanted to cum.

he lined his hips up once more, pressing the tip against your cunt. a shaky breath escaped him as he pressed further, slowly sinking deeper and deeper. once he was in as far as he could go, he released a deep moan at the same time as you. he pulled out and started working up his rhythm again. his moans grew louder and louder. you were still sensitive from your orgasm, and you could feel another rapidly approaching. you hoped klitz was as close as you so you could cum at the same time. his breath was sharp and shallow, but his movements never fell out of rhythm. you turned your head, trying to get a good view of his face. you wanted to see his face twisted in pleasure as he cums. breathy moans turned to whining as his orgasm came closer and closer. he could feel it building up inside him.

he looked down at you, taking in your figure once more. he didn't fail to notice your perfect ass, and the way it rippled in time with his thrusts. god, he thought, she really is out of my league. he couldn't stop himself. his dream girl was right in front of him and holy shit his dick is really inside her. finally, he couldn't take it anymore. he grunted, trying to catch his breath.

"god, y/n, i'm gonna cum!" he started moving faster, fucking you even deeper and harder.

you were getting close, too, the pleasure overwhelming you. tears welled in your eyes and you let out a sob as your orgasm came crashing down on you. klitz came too, your orgasm only bringing him more pleasure, just the right amount to push him over the edge. he pulled out just in time for the thick ropes of cum to shoot across your back. the both of you slumped over and took a minute to catch your breath. tears continued to stream down your face as you recovered from your intense orgasm.

once you could finally speak again, you spoke up. "fuck, klitz... i'm gonna want a lot more days like this, if you don't mind."

"anything for you." he sighed dreamily. he pulled himself up and turned to the tv as he scooched his way over to you. reaching for the remote, he pulled you closer to him. "we won't be finishing this, will we?"

humming a simple response as you shook your head, you snuggled deeper into his embrace with closed eyes. in his arms, you didn't struggle to relax. he was warm and his heartbeat was soothing. suddenly, your eyes shot open.

"we can't tell eli."

[thatdeadaquarius]

How was been your 2025 everything alright?ur still alive?

Thanks for asking!! <333

Sorry abt the radio silence on and off again guys, its the same old story tbh, life stuff like fulltime job, just moved again (30 min away but still woof), etc

I havent stopped thinking abt you guys for a minute i stg lol - i keep wanting to come back and post and whatnot, but the fics i promised (and am still in the trenches fighting to finish) have rlly been the big bog down of this blog for me

So i felt like anytime i had to write, i would try to spend writing the fic(s) but that meant no asks getting answered or posted 🫠💔

Ill instead take the pressure off myself to get those done, and simply chip away at it as i please, and focus on asks instead

I think the next big step ive been thinking about for a few months now and decided to go ahead with is clearing my inbox out some!

Ive got rlly old asks that either feel embarassing to answer so late,, or are out of context by now :/, and i definitely think tumblr ate some whole,, so for the new years sake and in order get myself to revive my sagau content blog again, ill be posting only some asks i feel i have good drafts for, despite it being forever ago, but otherwise ill be ready for asks again! 🥹🫶

I hope thats okay and Im geuninely so sorry for anyone who still remembers sending an ask and not getting a response back /gen :( 💔

Im very excited to come back and hope you guys arent too annoyed at me for being gone and doing this :( /gen

I encourage you if you ever sent me an ask i didnt answer to please send me something again!! Id love to hear from you guys and what youve been thinking about Genshin Sagau (x reader or not) wise for the past year (and a half?? Ooofff idekkk atppp💀)

I appreciate anyone bothering to check in, and hope to a more active (and hopefully more peaceful for me) 2025 for however much is left

☆

Oh, and abt genshin!! I havent rlly liked the direction they went what with colorism/racism in Sumeru, and Fontaine was better, but then Natlan has gotta be a low point in the story/game overall for me, and to that end, i havent rlly played it, ive just gotten to finishing up Fontaine,

So for now NO Natlan characters please!

^^ /nm /neutral ^^

I have NO idea what their personalities are, and im still trying to get over my dislike of certain character designs (cough🐮cough) and still trying to fathom Natlans story at all rlly,

Heres to hoping theyll improve with Sneznaya, bc weve been waiting too long on that for it to be a screw up ngl

Of course, if you like one of Natlans characters, or whatever else abt it, ur welcome to talk abt it in my inbox, I just mean I wont be writing abt them just yet, and yes i intend to eventually!

(im sure its established via fandom, but ill be making some interpretations when i do write them, if u dont know what i mean, just look at my non-white deffo POC Alhaitham and Tighnari I drew and referenced in the past, Natlan will be getting the same, more tasteful makeover, most likely from what I take in from others headcanons, bc i am unfortunately an Underqualified White Person when it comes to that)

☆

Also, my ao3 works are now locked down, due to recent AI scrapping, both personally thats been done to one of my works by a rando guest, and that general sweep that happened to ao3 recently.

I believe 4, maybe 5 out of my 6 works were taken.

They are still readable, but you have to be a registered user first, and I think I will be continuing that for my future works, as unfortunate as it is, because i generally like my writing to be accessible. But these idiots are making Ai wanna write stories instead of solve our math problems or clean our streets or something more useful, so here we are.

Really wish I could do something similar for tumblr, but i guess we cant have an ethical peaceful society everywhere...

☆

Whew, if you stuck around this long to read all my shit, I love you deeply and ur a real one

Thank you to anyone whos checked in, still revisited my old posts (despite the cringe and mistakes ive made along the way), and the general support ive still seen from Sagau community!!

It means everything to me that I still felt welcomed back despite going on and off so much, i felt very guilty about for literal months, so thank you all for this!!

Hope your having a great weekend, day/night, or whatever time of day it is for you,

Safe Travels,

💀♒️

:)

[nadinefromwhere]

I love you even for 800 years and more (rafayel x reader)

hi guys so uhh im back after going poof for 2 months- BUT YEAH SO REGARDING THE SELF AWARE FIC IM HALFWAY DONE JUST 2K MORE WORDS I ONLY FINISHED RAFA AND ZAYNES PART BUT I PROMISE ILL TRY POSTING THE FIC BY THE END OF THE YEAR!! word count: 631 Warning: fluff, a bit of angst?, i only proof read this once- PLUS JOIN MY UPDATES GANG💥💥 fanfic updates

ao3 wattpad

“Then what does your home look like?” the girl's eyes sparkled in curiosity, looking at the young merman before her, staring at her back. They were only children when they first met, back then it was a warm summer night as the waves calmly crashed at the shore, their very first meeting.and probably the last.

It was a distant memory, now you, a grown woman who had been working at the hunters association for 3 years now, have always remembered that single moment back then when she was a child. Every night you had dreamt about that single moment, the other person's voice….it sounds familiar but eventually as time went by, his face became nothing but a blurred one in your dreams….

“RAFAYEL COME BACK HERE” you say as you chase him down the shore, his laughing echoing into your ears, the scene unfolding before you as if it had happened before…

Before you could reach him, something flashes before your eyes, a scene that you have never seen before. It was rafayel but.. He was holding a girl. She was barely moving and she stood still like a doll, the velvet red gushing out of her chest, with him crying with no response from the girl..

What the fuck is happening..

“Cutie? Cutie are you all right?” As you snap out the first thing you see was rafayel showing a sign of concern towards you, his bluish - pink eyes staring into your gray - colored toned eyes.

“Don't worry honey i am” You say returning a smile at him, which led to him being suspicious.

The dream has been occurring non stop since last week, first was you and Rafayel in the deep sea then after you both were in the desert. A dream that you did remember was the one in the sea, you had found yourself next to a sleeping Rafayel, his breathing calm as the sounds of water surrounding you both. 

Rafayel, he couldn't stand it much longer. He was concerned for you. What was in your mind? Did something happen back at the beach? Why weren’t you sleeping properly this past few days? 

“Cutie please…tell me what happened?” He asked one day as you both were in the couch just cuddling each other on a rainy morning

“There's nothing wrong i promise-” Before you could usher another word, he stops you, his eyes filled with worry about your well being.

“You've been saying you're fine for the past few days but you're not, plus you look like you barely slept the past week plus work has been keeping you busy and you like your going to get sick soon. So please, my love, tell me what's going on. I can help you. You don’t have to always have that strong facade 24/7 you know” 

“Raf i-”

“Please?”

“....fine but i just don’t know how to explain it…..”

Rafayel was on all ears. He didn't care about the artworks he had to finish by today or either Thomas calling him to finish. All his attention was on you, suddenly tearing up from what happened

“I remember…I remember everything that happened back then..” You say letting out a sob as at one point you couldn't hold it in anymore resulting to you bursting into tears

“Everything? you remember every single thing?”

“Yes raf. Everything”

“Even when…it happened?”

“Mhhm”

“Cutie come here” he says, going to you hugging. You hug him back, your tears staining his white shirt as he whispers words of comfort.

“I love you..i'm sorry you had to go through everything…just for me” you say still sobbing 

“I would do anything just for you,” Rafayel says, kissing your forehead.

Even after 800 years of waiting, he finally found you but at what cost? 

[dimlylittorch]

Random Thoughts

i start classes in the morning (second semester ever as a freshman) and i’m already on the verge of an anxiety attack. i love to learn, but pressure about school has been put on me since a young age and now the whole experience is weird for me. constant anxiety, a pit in my stomach that just won’t go away. I’ve never even held hands with a guy, and i just really wish i had my CoD boys to come take care of me

no warnings, not proofread, im tired and anxious so ill edit it all when i dont feel as rough (adding my masterlist link, pretty colors and fonts, the things that the happy me does). these are all just about me, so mentions of male!reader and college-student!reader

Featuring: John Price, Simon Ghost Riley, Johnny Soap MacTavish, and Kyle Gaz Garrick

My Masterlist🌱

John Price:

john would see how anxious i am, pacing my dorm room, constantly walking in and out of the room to grab different things, but always forgetting what im trying to do.. he would grab me by the hips gently and pull me into his lap, kissing my neck and telling me how everything was going to be okay. he just needed me to get my heart rate down. i could do that for him, right? ‘be a good boy for me, love.. just breathe.’

Simon Ghost Riley:

Simon would be sitting on my bed, waiting for me to come lay in between his legs, curling up in his arms. He notices how long im taking in the shower, and he decides to check on me, knowing I didn’t lock the door. He opens it with a soft knock.. and that’s when he hears my sniffles. I try to sound normal- but a choked sob slips past my lips. ‘m’sorry si’ i whisper shakily, holding my face in my hands as i shake under the hot water, trying to calm myself down. he immediately undresses, getting in with me. he helps me wash up, holding me the whole time before grabbing a towel and wrapping me up in his arms. ‘s’okay, lovie.’

Johnny Soap MacTavish:

Johnny would be relaxing on my bed, noticing how I’d been in my kitchen area for a while. He slips off of the bed, coming to see what i was doing. He looks past the doorway and sees me with different wrappers on the counter and different cans and bottles (non alcoholic for me). I had a tendency to stress eat, and he always knew it was just me trying to cope with all of the feelings I couldn’t express. He grabs my hand gently, pulling me into his arms and rubbing my back as he kisses my forehead. ‘lad.. come be with me. we’ll get cozy and comfortable.’

Kyle Gaz Garrick:

i had been at my desk for hours, kyle already asleep on my bed. I promised him I’d join him hours ago, but now i was just gently banging my head on my desk, trying to think of some way to make myself feel better. Some way to not want everything to go away. He eventually shifts in his sleep, murmuring softly as he opens his eyes, noticing me. he groans slightly out of tiredness, holding open the blanket. ‘cmere baby’ he murmurs softly. As soon as I get in bed, tearing up, he kisses my cheeks gently, catching each tear

[daengtokki]

𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹

© ᴏʟʙᴀᴘᴀɪɴᴛɪɴɢꜱ

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Kim Seungmin/noona reader

wc: 5.9k

rating: angst/mature (friends to lovers/mutual pining)

contains: drinking/drunkiness, implied mental illness, medication mention, weight mention

comments: Part two of this noona fic request. Not sure how much interest there is in this (there's more, because I love writing it and I needed some angst), but let me know if you guys like it!

songs to listen to while reading: orion sun - intro // chloe george - when does it get good

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Seungmin feels around in the dark, and he knows at any moment, he’s going to trip. The layout of your apartment is still foreign to him, but he likes it here, and he wants to get used to being here. It’s a welcome change from the dorm—there it's usually a mess. It smells, it tends to get loud at the worst moments, and the worst part of all is that you’re not there. Ever.

He’s a bit embarrassed of the place, even though his room is usually clean and ready for company. It’s better here, though. It’s always quiet, and warm, and it smells like vanilla and coffee, even now, in the middle of the night.

As much as he wanted to keep things between the two of you, for now, it did not work. Seungmin came home very late the night after he confessed (and you confessed), so it was easy for everyone to figure out. Still, though, he hasn’t talked much about it in the three days since. And now, somehow, he’s ended up at your apartment, and it’s well past midnight.

You fell asleep on the couch watching a movie, tucked against his side, and he shook you awake eventually.

“Time to get to bed, yeah?” He said, and he gave you a few more minutes to collect yourself before helping you up. Then he guided you into the bedroom, but he just stood there at the door for a moment, watching, waiting until you turned to him and smiled.

“Goodnight”

“You’re leaving?” You check the time on your phone. It's late.

“Yeah, I should go,” his heartbeat picks up a little as he casually looks around your room. This is his first time seeing it., and Seungmin thinks to himself how very you it is—the colors, the mix of adult and not-so-adult, pages from magazines and photobooks pinned to a corkboard next to very important looking things. He sees his face pinned there as well; a closeup of him, ripped neatly from the Noeasy photobook. No, two photos of him...three.

“Okay. You don’t have to, but…” you think, look around, look back at him, “text me when you get home, okay?”

“I will”

He clicks the hall light off as he makes his way toward the door, and with the glow of the tv gone, it’s suddenly very, very dark. The light of his phone helps, but he hits his foot on the coffee table, of course, and then he finally grabs his bag. Luckily it takes him a few extra minutes to fight into his shoes, because a text comes through just as he goes for the door.

don’t leave yet

Seungmin looks toward your bedroom door and waits. One, two, three seconds. It swings open, and you leave it there so the light pours out and illuminates him.

“Did I forget something?”

You stop in front of him and nod, “I did,” and grab the front of his shirt to pull him down. You kiss, and he kisses right back. And then you let go. “Can I ask what’s in your backpack?”

“Huh? My…oh my bag. Just my usual stuff, uhm, it’s silly. Sometimes I feel like I’ll be pulled away when I have no time to pack, so I always carry something with me.”

“So that's your overnight bag?”

“I guess. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea...if it’s the wrong idea. I wasn’t expecting something to happen, I promise.”

“Seungmin, it’s okay. I just came out to kiss you goodnight, not question your motives.” You pull him to you again and kiss. “And you’re welcome to spend the night—on the couch, or in my bed. Preferably in my bed. But wherever you’re comfortable.”

His laugh is so nervous, and he hates it, “maybe next time?”

“Of course. I’m leaving for a while tomorrow, but I’ll let you know when I get home.”

“Will you be gone long?”

“No, a week at the most”

“A week. Okay, that’s not bad. If I’m home when you get back., we can do something.”

“Right, you might not be here”

You stare at each other silently, maybe hoping to read each other’s mind. You might not see him for a while and that was hard enough when you were just friends, pining endlessly. Now you’ve touched him and kissed him, and you need more time to do those things.

“I might be, though”

“Goodnight, Minnie”

This time he kisses you himself.

─ ⋅⋅ ─

“I’m not surprised…but at the same time I’m a little surprised,” Felix scratches his head. He’s watching Seungmin cross the kitchen to fill his glass with water.

He doesn’t notice everyone staring at him until he turns toward the coffee maker. “What?”

“Surprised why?” Minho cups his chin in his hand and smiles at both of them.

“How was your date last night, kid?”

"Date?" Minho jumps and grins at Seungmin.

“We just watched a movie, it was good. She’s leaving today so I won’t see her for a while.”

“Oh no, that’s no good. So—“

“What are you surprised about?!” Minho slap his palm on the table, “Yongbok!”

“I’m getting there!”

“You’ve never been to her place before, right? What brought that on…a movie at her apartment?”

Seungmin is making his coffee, patiently, and looking at his roommate as he takes his time getting to the point. But Felix waits as he makes his way to the table with them to press on.

“You never really told us what happened the other night. You two just disappeared.”

“Oh, we went to her place, so we could be alone…”

The three of them OH in unison, because Jeongin turns the corner just in time. Minho is still confused, and nobody seems to want to elaborate for him. All four of them here at the same doesn’t happen often, so Seungmin is feeling a little crowded

“…to talk.”

“Ooh,” Jeongin smiles, “and? Did you talk last night, too?”

“Not much, no”

Their eyes grow as they wait for more, but now Seungmin is having too much fun stringing them a long.

“Please continue”

“There’s nothing else,” he shrugs, “we drank a little, watched a movie, we both dozed off for a while, I think…no,” Seungmin throws a hand up when Felix' mouth turns up into a smirk. “It was a long movie, nothing else happened.”

“Did you kiss?” Jeongin leans closer and whispers, “you kissed, yeah?”

Seungmin can’t help but smile when he asks. He can feel his face grow warm just thinking about it. Last night, and then your first kiss. That one got much heavier than he expected, and he loved every second—the touching, your tongue, your fingers running through his hair. He doesn’t want to wait a week for more, but he’s not going to chase after you now. He has to be patient, again.

“You should have spent the night"

─ ⋅⋅ ─

You sit across from each other in the cafeteria, just like you’ve done a dozen times before. It’s not busy, not even at lunchtime, but looking up at him for too long is making your heart race. It’s not that you’re afraid someone will walk by and read your mind (but if they did, they might be disgusted), it just feels different being with him in public now.

It feels like you’re both doing something a little bit wrong.

Seungmin is a young idol, and he’s sweet and kind and innocent, as far as everyone knows. You’ve already seen his unfiltered self, and it’s better than any act he’s had to put on. But he is still sweet and kind and…you assume a little innocent. You’ve never talked about your sex lives, ever.

You look up at him and lock eyes. He smiles, and you can’t help but start undressing him. Yes, you’ve touched him, finally. His thigh—he let you run your hand from his knee and up you went until you knew it was time to stop—his neck, his shoulder, his face…but there’s still so much of him to touch and see. The part of your mind that you can't keep quiet is afraid there won't be many more oppurtunities.

You have to close your eyes and relax.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m okay, just thinking. Over-thinking.”

He smiles again, and you start to wonder if he’s doing it because he’s nervous.

“About us?”

Us? That’s a much bigger word than it was a few days ago. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Good things?”

Good things, yes. As long as you stay focused, there's nothing to think about when it comes to him except for good things. “Yeah, of course.”

“How is your lunch? Spicy enough?”

“Is my face red?”

“A little, yes”

“No spice today, so it’s you doing that.”

─ ⋅⋅ ─

What if he stays too late tonight, again? He doesn’t want to run off at the first mention of spending the night, because he wants to stay here with you. There was no expectation of it when you asked last time, he assumes, because he can sleep wherever he wants; he can do whatever he wants. And you wouldn’t pressure him anyway. He knows you better than that.

He knows nothing about your sex life, though. And almost nothing about your dating life.

Seungmin doesn’t really know much about either of those things when it comes to himself, actually. There was never much time to date, or it was low on the list. And having sex without at least dating someone doesn’t sit well with him.

But he has been on dates, and he has kissed, and touched, and he’s been touched right back. But that’s all. No sex—that blowjob didn’t count—it was awkward, and it wasn’t very good. And as hard as he tries, he can't forget his first time trying to find a clit.

“Do you want a drink?” You shake his arm until he finally seems to hear you, “drink…beer, coke, coffee?”

“Soju?”

“I have strawberry and peach”

“Strawberry somaek?”

You disappear into the fridge and dig around, and Seungmin watches carefully when you bend forward. He’s always admired your body, though it never had much to do with him liking you the way he did. But now, he feels like it’s okay to appreciate it more. You’re shorter than him, and curvier (which doesn’t take much, seeing as how Seungmin is basically a straight line). Your ass and thighs are an eyeful for him, though.

Everything looks soft. Everything is soft, because he did sneak his hand there that first night. He squeezed his fingers right above your knee, then moved up ever so slightly to get some thigh. He didn’t dare go any further, though.

The touching you did the second time was much more innocent—holding hands, fingers laced together, your head against his shoulder as you fell asleep. He looked you over carefully, but kept his hands to himself, only daring to run a thumb over your wrist as you dozed off.

“Would you like to pour, or do you trust me?”

Seungmin snaps out of it. He’s pretty sure you caught him staring. “I trust you.”

“Can you grab the glasses for me?”

He does, and he follows you back to the living room and makes himself comfortable at the coffee table. And now that he’s started, he can’t take his eyes off of you as you move.

“That’s…oh okay we have different pours,” Seungmin eyes the glass, but you pull it toward yourself. “That’s much more soju than I usually do.”

You pour his now, but only fill the glass a third of the way before topping it off with the beer.

“I thought maybe you were trying to soften me up.” His breath catches in his chest when he says it, because it sounded much more stupid than it did in his head.

“No, trying to soften myself up, actually.”

“Why? You can’t get drunk without me,” the frown he gives you is over the top and very cute. “I don’t want you to fall asleep too early.”

“I’ll be careful”

─ ⋅⋅ ─

Seungmin feels good after two glasses. It’s not much, but he hasn’t eaten recently, and he’s pretty certain his second drink was identical to yours.

You’re halfway through your third.

“These are too easy to drink.” You sit at the table with a dish of mandu and dakgangjeong. “And I’m guessing you’re hungry.”

“I usually am.” He leans forward and smells the chicken, “did you make all this.

You shake your head, “I’m not the best at cooking. I wish I had more time to practice.”

“That’s okay. Thank you for feeding me, and getting me tipsy.” He grabs a piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. And then a dumpling. And then finishes off his third somaek.

“You can’t be tipsy yet”

“I will be if I have another”

Seungmin does have another. And the for his next drink, he switches to straight beer—but he’s drunk. He picks up his chopsticks and grabs for a dumpling, but it slips off and bounces onto the table.

Both of you just stare at for a long moment. And then Seungmin giggles as he tries again. This time it makes it to his mouth.

“Where you going?”

He’s slowly getting to his feet, and he stands for a minutes to get his head straight.

“Bathroom”

“Good idea”

“Are you joining me?”

You stop halfway onto your feet and look up at him, his hand is outstretched like he’s welcoming the company, “ah…you first.”

It’s very obvious he had a bit too much. And you did, too, but you’re working hard to keep yourself together. When you walk back out from the bathroom, Seungmin is standing up, staring at the tv, and the rest of the chicken is making its way into his mouth. He looks comfortable and satisfied—drunk, yes…but happy.

It makes you warm up even more, and you can’t remember the last time you felt so good.

“Hey”

“Hi…hello, do you feel better? Do you want the last few pieces?” He holds some out to you, but it disappears into his mouth as soon as you shake your head. “We should sober up.”

Yes, you should. You sit on the couch and curl yourself up into a ball, but when he sits next to you, your limbs develop a mind of their own. Before you can stop yourself, you slide your arms around his waist and hold yourself tight against him. Your leg drapes over his lap, and you’re practically straddling his thighs. He takes it in stride, though. Seungmin holds you right back and takes the opportunity to slide a hand across your hip, and when he squeezes, you jump.

“Sorry”

“Mm mm, no…it’s good. Feels good.”

“It does?”

“Yeah, you’re so warm”

“I think that’s the alcohol”

“Maybe…maybe, but you always—“ you stop and start to giggle, and you shove your face into his shirt to try to stifle yourself.

“Always what?”

You shake your head against him, push harder against his chest, take in his scent…feel yourself becoming even more drunk. “Nothing.”

His hand slides back up and settles on your hip, “always something good, hopefully.”

“Sorry, my head is swimming.”

“Mine too”

“I was hoping the alcohol would help, but you’re making me so nervous.”

“You’re nervous? I’m making you nervous?”

“Yeah, maybe telling you will make it go away."

“I’m also nervous. I wasn’t the last time I was here…so maybe the drinks are working against us.”

You force yourself to look up at him, and he looks down at you with big, heavy eyes. Your gaze drops and takes in every bit of him—his cheeks, his nose, his lips…his lips. He wets them and a smile pulls at his mouth, and you desperately want him to lean down closer to you. Every part of you is screaming for him, but you’re still frozen.

He’s frozen, too. The booze just made both of you stupid.

“Seungmin?” You’ve never, not even as a teenager, felt so stupidly in love with someone.

“Yeah?”

The longer you watch him, the closer he seems to get, and you see every little detail, every little spot, every little perfect blemish and pore on his skin.

“Kiss me before I explode”

His lips press into yours and his fingers squeeze so hard again. You want him to hold you tighter still, and you need to be closer. He does. Seungmin moves you until you’re on his lap, and he devours you. He’s all tongue, and it’s wet and messy, not like his previous kisses, but it’s so good tasting him, and tasting the entire night on him.

Then he stops suddenly to catch his breath, but he stays there and bites down lightly on your bottom lip. Your eyes open, and he’s right there, staring. He pulls back, looks at the space between your thighs, and there’s not much there. If you let yourself relax a little more, you’d feel his dick growing in his sweatpants.

But you can see it. You’re no longer frozen, so you shake the thought of what’s between his legs out of your head, for now. Both of you are way too fucked up for the first time. What you do need to do is kiss him again, so you take over, squeeze his shoulders and hold him steady while you lick across his parted lips. Seungmin opens up for you and he moans into the kiss—moans right down your throat.

You shake your head, “we should stop until we’re, um…I don’t wanna do this drunk.”

“I don’t either,” he keeps kissing, but slows down and softens his touch. His hands move to your waist, and then your back, where they stay.

“But don’t leave tonight”

“I won’t”

─ ⋅⋅ ─

Seungmin watches you from his side of your bed. He did fall asleep for a while, but he woke from a dream and forgot for a few moments where he was. His racing heart beat against the mattress as he looked toward you, facing away from him, shirt pulled halfway up your back. You kicked the covers off in your sleep—probably too warm from sobering up, but so deeply asleep. Still, he reaches out and runs two fingers down the skin that’s peeking out.

You move ever so slightly, and mumble something. He looks at the time: just after 4am. You’ve been asleep for about three hours, because both of you were out as soon as you hit the bed.

But Seungmin feels better. Less drunk, at least. His head aches a little, but not enough to bother him. He reaches out again, but this time he pulls at your shirt until you’re covered.

“Minnie”

“I’m up, you feel okay?”

You mumble again, and groan, but you don’t answer.

“Minnie…hmmm, don’t leave”

“Hey,” he crawls closer and runs a hand down your arm, “hey, oh you’re still asleep.”

You wake up when you feel his lips on your shoulder. “Min?”

“Are you up or talking in your sleep?”

“I’m up…oh no, what did I say?” You turn onto your back and grab his hand. “I don’t do that all the time.”

“Just my name”

“Oh”

“And you told me not to leave,” he squeezes your hand and searches for the soberness in your eyes, “I’m still here.”

“Sorry, I don’t usually speak so clearly”

The sleep-talking doesn’t phase him. In fact, the quietness of the room is a welcome change to his typical nights. The whole night, drunk as you both were, was quiet and calm. “Were you thinking about me in your sleep?”

“I must have been,” you move his hair away from his eyes, and now you’re searching for any leftover drunkenness. He seems wide awake and sober.

“It’s 4 in the morning, if you’re still tired…we can go back to sleep.” That’s not what he wants, but he also wants what you want. Seungmin figured you’d get into bed and both of you would sleep soundly until morning. But he woke up.

“No, I feel good. And you look good.”

The truth is, you are very tired. If you close your eyes right now, you have no doubt that you would fall back to sleep almost immediately. Instead you rip off the rest of the blanket and sit up.

“Where are you going?”

He watches you stand slowly, carefully, just in case. But your legs work just fine. Maybe Seungmin can change that. The thought sends a little wave a pleasure through you, and you smile when you turn to look at him, “bathroom.”

That is what you do, but you dig through the drawer under the sink as well. You didnt prepare properly, because you didn’t double check to see if you still had condoms, and if they were still good.

“Oh good,” you grab the half used pack and look closely at the date stamped on the bottom, "lucky.” But you make the mistake of looking at yourself in the mirror, and your reflection feels like it's a mile away. Your eyes blur, and the room spins for a moment.

A perfectly timed knock on the door makes you jump, and the box slips from your hand.

“Are you okay? I gotta go, too.”

“Yeah, Minnie, I’m coming,” you pick them up and palm them as you head for the door, “sorry, go ahead.”

-

Seungmin whistles as he returns and quietly shuts the door, “so are you…out?” He holds up the empty box and shakes it. “You left the drawer open.”

“Oh, no no,” you grab the condoms from your bedside table and show them to him, “we have two.”

He pulls one from your fingers and examines it for a moment, “I don’t think these will fit.”

─ ⋅⋅ ─

It’s stupid, and it’s reckless, and you know it. But it’s not going to stop you. From the moment he said the condoms—the only condoms either of you had, wouldn’t work, you tossed it back onto the table, looked up at him, “okay,” and grabbed the waistband of his sweatpants until he was right in your face.

“Okay” He sets his down, too. “Are you…” he groans when you find a good spot on his stomach, and he laughs when you graze your lips across his skin.

Every time you get back to his belly button, you tug a little more. His sweatpants start to tent, and you’re starting to feel exactly how much he wouldn’t fit into those condoms. One more tug, and you can see him—the stiff base of his cock, held still by the grip of your fingers.

He’s so hot against the fabric, and a wet spot of pre-cum starts to come through as you stroke him.

“I’m not surprised you like to tease,” he smiles down at you, but he’s blushing…everywhere. His cheeks, his ears, his neck. When he pulls his shirt over his head, he’s flushed all the way down to where your lips are.

Seungmin is just as lean under all those clothes as you imagined, and his shoulders…

“Turn around”

“Huh…turn?”

You stand and grab his hips, “yeah, turn around for me.”

He listens and peeks back at you the best he can—until your hands move from his hips, slowly upward, touching every bit of skin you can—across his shoulder blades, back down his spine.

The sigh he lets out is so content and relaxed, it actually puts you more at ease. He laughs sweetly when your lips touch him. “I like your teasing.”

Seungmin turns back to face you, and your fingers slide across him as he moves.

“Just admiring you." Yes, you are admiring him. Touching him, finally, is doing more for you than anything else possibly could. But every step forward now is taking all of your energy.

“Admiring? Me?” He cups your cheek and lifts until you’re looking at him, then pulls you close.

It’s sweet and it’s perfect, and you melt into him, but now you’re so distracted by his dick pressing against you. You push your hips in until he groans, slide your hands under his waistband.

Seungmin grabs back, and squeezes your ass. “Let me see you.” He pulls your shirt up and over your head before you can react, but you fold your arms over yourself before pressing back into him.

“Ah…I’m sorry, too fast?” His hands keep you against him. He holds so tight, you couldn’t escape even if you wanted to. “I should have let you do that.”

“No, I just—“

“I didn’t think you’d be shy”

A shiver runs through you when his hands move down your back, then back up.

“How about we…” he scoots closer to the lamp, keeping hold of you, and clicks it off. “Is that better?”

“Maybe,” you laugh, but it’s hesitant, a little edgy. “You’re too perfect, Minnie and…ah, I don’t know what's going on, I’m nothing special.”

“No, you're very special. What’s the matter?”

You relax a a little in his arms.

“I’m not perfect, not even close. You haven’t seen me after rolling out of bed at noon, or grumpy when my mouth hurts after getting these things tightened.”

You whine his name. You’re ruining the moment. Him comforting your sudden stupid thoughts and doubts—he’s probably already getting soft. “I’m sorry, I’m making a mess of everything. I'm not sure what happened.”

“Mm, no…you haven’t made a mess of anything.” Seungmin grabs your shirt from the edge of the bed and slips it back on you, “it's okay, we can get back under the covers if you’d like.”

─ ⋅⋅ ─

“Give me your hand”

Seungmin holds it up to you, then sets it in yours.

Back under the covers is where you end up, and you really do feel like a tease now. Poor Seungmin—his dick doesn’t know what’s going to happen next, but right now, you know he’s definitely not hard. You've ruined that.

“You think I’m perfect…can I think you’re perfect?” he lets go of your hand and runs his up your arm.

“No, I’m a mess. My skin, my hair is a mess. I’m getting chubby because I never watch what I eat. I don’t know why you’re here.”

“Because I want to be here. Because you brought me here and made me feel like I was yours."

“I was so high off of your words before. I thought I was dreaming when we were talking after dance practice.”

Seungmin moves closer, and now you’re sharing a pillow, and you breathe in every sigh he breathes out. His hand is moving so slowly over you, and he’s being so patient as it finds the curve of your hip and slides under the bottom of your shirt. “You’re not a mess.” He’s touching you and kneading his fingers into your side. Into your back. He works his way up and drags his fingertips up to your throat. “And they weren’t just words.”

How could you possibly deny him, looking at you like this? You shouldn’t, but your brain is telling you it will never work; it’s a waste of time. He’s going to really see you, and change his mind—he’ll find out how bad you are at this, and how emotional and unbearable you get when you do. It’s too much for him.

Still, his touch is as soft as his eyes, and he moves even closer until his leg can slide over yours.

“No, I don’t deserve you”

He isn’t sure how to reply to that, so he just stares. Maybe he’s waiting for you to crack a smile, or laugh it off, but you don’t. “Why would you say that?”

“You can do so much better than me, I promise.” You get as far as sitting yourself up, and your head pounds against your eyes. The alcohol is catching up to you and turning into a hangover already. “I shouldn’t have let it get this far, I’ve been stupid.”

“What are you saying?” Seungmin grabs your arm as you shift to get out of bed. His head is pounding now, too, because he's trying to figure out what went wrong and where he fucked up. “I can go if that’s really what you want, but give me a minute.”

You struggle with a response. You don’t want him to leave, but he should. And if he does, it might be the end of something that didn’t even begin. “A minute…for what?”

“To say something”

“Right, I’m sorry”

“I meant everything I said before, even if I didn’t say much. But you knew what I was thinking.” He lets go of your arm, because you seem to have relaxed. You’ve settled back in your spot, under the covers, back against the pillows. “I want you, and you want me…I think. And I need you around, I know that much. If I leave, will we go back to how we were before?”

There’s a long silence. You’re not sure if he wants an answer to that, but you don’t want to think too hard about it. Maybe, eventually, the memory of this can pass and you can be friends again.

“I don't want to go back to that. Not after this,” he answers himself. “So…”

Seungmin throws the covers off of himself, puts his feet on the cold floor, and then waits a few seconds before standing. It takes a moment to find his shirt, but he does and throws it on, and the entire time you watch him so intensely. But you stay quiet.

He knows you’re watching, and he takes his time, hoping you’ll stop him as he goes for the door. But you don’t.

And he anxiously waits for his phone to buzz after he grabs it from the coffee table. The empty bottles and glasses—the mess from the food scattered everywhere—Seungmin stares at it, waiting for a text that won’t come, and he decides he won’t leave yet. Instead he starts to clean.

─ ⋅⋅ ─

You’re stuck in your spot on the bed, phone now in hand, and you stare at the messages you’ve shared over the last week—to prove yourself wrong, maybe. Or just to make yourself feel worse. You couldn’t possibly feel any worse right now, though. Seungmin is still here; his scent lingers, and the feeling of his touch. But he left. You kicked him out, and deep down, you know you don’t want to subject him to whatever the future might hold. This isn’t possible, and thinking it could be was both of you just being struck dumb with lust. And maybe love.

You’ll be back tomorrow morning, right? I get my days mixed up sometimes, especially when I’m home for a while. Do you get like that? Maybe my memory is going already, haha I’ll be around if you’re free, so I hope you are. I can’t wait to see you again.

Seungmin is a good texter. He’s thoughtful and sincere, and he seems to choose his words carefully, as if he’s speaking to you face to face. That, or he just closes his eyes and types everything he feels. That wouldn’t surprise you.

I hope texting you so soon isn’t weird. No, it’s you! It’s not weird, or if it is that makes it normal for us. I hope you feel as good as I do. Good night ♥️

You pull the covers up to your chin and try to get comfortable. But you can’t take your eyes off the string of messages.

I practiced your song today! It might take a little more work to get it to sound good with my vocals. Maybe I need your input. But I’d rather surprise you!

He’s probably been working on it all week, and here you almost forgot about it. Before he sent this text, you didn’t know if he was serious, or it was just his opening line.

The sound of glasses clinking together echoes into the bedroom, and your heart pounds wildly. Then the pounding in your head starts up again, and for some reason you choose now to start crying. The tears start to brim, and you try desperately to keep them from going any further.

The sound of water running gets you out of bed fast, and you walk slowly to the bedroom door. You can see the kitchen light on through the crack, and the shadow of movement is there, too. His backpack is untouched at the end of the couch, and when you walk out to the hallway, you see his shoes next to yours. He’s washing the dishes and cleaning up the mess the two of you made.

“Seungmin”

He jumps and almost drops the glass.

“What are you doing?”

“Uh,” he sighs, “I didn’t want you to have to clean all this up in the morning. I’m sorry, I’m done.” He grabs his backpack and heads for the door. “Get some sleep before the sun comes up.”

One shoe is on, the other is halfway there as he stares at you. “Are you crying?”

You wipe at your cheek and feel what you couldn’t hold back.

Seungmin kicks his shoes off again and hesitates for a moment, but eventually, when you don’t speak, he closes the space between you. “You’re crying,” he takes your cheeks in his hands. “Please…if you won’t talk to me now, please call me tomorrow. Or text, I don’t care. Tell me you still feel the same as you do right now, and I’ll leave you alone.”

“Stop it,” you squeeze your eyes shut and feel more tears escape. Seungmin’s warm embrace, his arms holding tight around your shoulders, it makes everything else fall away.

“Stop what?”

“Being so good, and patient, and calm. You should’ve run off by now”

“Why are you so hard on yourself? You think you should be punished for…yes, I remember you saying that…for what? I know you want this.”

All you can manage is a mumble against his chest.

He relaxes his arms and grips your waist, “what did you say?”

“I do”

“Want this? Or think you should be punished?”

More silence from you, but he waits.

“I’ll leave. And I hope I hear from you tomorrow.”

He lets go, and manages to get into his shoes before you say his name. As fed up as he should be hearing his name again, he’s not. Seungmin looks at you with hopeful, tired eyes.

“Yeah?” He watches you closely, tilts his head to the side. You can see his eyes moving up and down over your body, "tell me I can stay.”

Your legs shake and your head swims. The ache behind your eyes is growing worse and worse, but looking at him makes it bearable, somehow. Even now, he’s ready to run to you as soon as you say go. But you can’t figure out why.

Seungmin is still who he is, and you’re who you are, and you don’t really belong together. Someone will find out and put a stop to it. But what if things slowly start to connect; fall into place; work out for a while? Forever? No, that doesn't sound right. Loving him before was easy, because you assumed it would always be one-sided and simple; no worries about making something work, or about working toward something. Now this is real, and it's a little bit scary looking at him and realizing how much you want him, and how big this could get.

"Say something," he sighs, and it sounds nowhere near as irritated as it should.

Your gaze drops to your feet, defeated—it moves toward his, and again, he’s taking off his shoes. Seungmin stands there and faces you.

“Okay...okay."

─ ⋅♡⋅ ─

[hymenoptera07]

[first and foremost, i will not be answering/reblogging any donation posts/asks. i cannot mentally handle that kind of stuff. don't like it? then feel free to leave, i don't really care what you think about it]

-----

-> hi hello, im cyrus!! i have some other names i like as well like pebbles, joltik, and tera . also nicknames r good ! i would like if you used names interchangeably but no pressure. also like with the pronouns ill eventually have a link to a site with some general info . thumsbup

we're also a plural collective, may sometimes pluralpost on here or reblog plural stuff but below is where most of it will happen. if we remember and if I STOP BEING FRONTSTUCK /silly

^ @hive-collective is our plural related sideblog cant promise we'll be super active . shrug

-> pronouns r uhh. he/it + a buncha neos. mainly buzz/jolt/zip/xe but eventually ill have like. a link to a site with prns lol

-> disabled with too many issues to name /hj . most notably AuDHD, anxiety, and probably ocd and dpd. also have fibromyalgia and prolly pots. energy levels fluctuate a Lot so i may not always be active on here sorry lmao

-> i have a LOT of fandoms im in . usually you can tell what im currently hyperfixated on based on my posts but i'll try to update this with current hyperfixations LOL

currently hyperfixated on: Great God Grove (bold + colored text reads: Great God Grove)

^ ALSO. i love arthropods, amphibians, and reptiles a LOT. if you find a post you think i'd like feel free to tag me. or even just send me pics of bugs n stuff in asks it makes me so happy (ESPECIALLY IF THEYRE HYMENOPTERANS. hence the username LMAO)

-> i am fine with asks!! if i reblog an ask game then go for it! even just randomly if you wanna talk . i do warn you however . i have bad anxiety and may respond awkwardly or take a while to get to your ask . sorry </3

(extra thing here. sometimes i get anxious abt accidentally making someone uncomfortable with posts. mutuals, PLEASE feel free to send an ask or dm or anything like that if you want to ask me to tag something for you, i am a chronic forgetter)

note: a lot of this is subject to change i am the most autistic guy ever (/j) and my interests n stuff change a lot. oops i think /silly

-> oh yeah. contradictory labels ily. also very much pro-endo. i do not care what your origin is as long as you're niceys . HOWEVER radqueers GET OUTTA HERE !

ANYWAYS this post is long enough ill stop yapping. goot bye /silly

this place here may get blinkies userboxes or something eventually but no promises. muy energy </3

[morus-god-of-doom]

Swap Underverse Asylum Sans

Alright, I know I'm not on here often, but hear me out.

In the swapped universe where Dream ate the apple, Ink now has Error's job, and Nightmare is trying to stop all of this with the help of a maker Error Sans, I haven't seen much in ways of the other bad guy sans getting swapped counterparts. It seems that having them stay the same, except when Swap replaces Dust or Killer.

But Swap doesn't fit well with either of them, so I think he's more like Cross in the swapped AU, but I digress, he's not who I wanna talk about.

Who I want to talk about is Asylum Sans, or Bandy for short. The little schizophrenic that is obsessed with colorful bandaids, stickers, and sometimes plushies. From what I know of him, his past is mostly a mystery but something happened to his Papyrus, causing him to take on a ghost-like form and hang about the little skellie.

He'd be a perfect parallel to Dust sans, yet being a schizophrenic wouldn't be enough to make him a bad guy.

But what if something happened that made Bandy go off the deep end? Like a certain therapist that recommends putting him on pills to solve the problem of Bandy's schizophrenic episodes. Now, this would absolutely be fine if the pills were correct for his mental illness, but that is not what happens to the little guy.

Instead, they put him on something else; magic suppressors.

From what I have seen, Bandy doesn't use magic in the ward because Mrs. Toriel and Dr. Alphys told him it would be dangerous. He understands that it wouldn't be the best of ideas for him to teleport out of the ward where he can't get the help he needs. So when they suddenly give him little, pink pills, he takes them without question since they had promised him more bandaids if he did.

But they have a negative reaction to the poor skeleton like most things would happen if you take away a person's ability to do something.

Bandy faints due to the effects and hits his head on the floor, causing another change. Of course, Dr. Alphys gives him a check-up and heals the wound, but when the schizophrenic wakes up, his ailment is worse. The new therapist waves it off, of course, giving him a white pill, Bandy's normal prescription, but when the skeleton sees him, he screams due to what he sees in the human, their true intentions.

This would be an everlasting effect as a result of the suppressors they give him with his normal treatment. Anytime Bandy sees someone enter his room for food or check-ups, he stares at them, scooting backward, so they double his prescription.

But what does Asylum see?

Well, he'd see the quote-unquote 'demons' hanging about people, or for a better way to put it, their intentions. Now, with good people like Mrs. Toriel and Dr. Alphys, the demons are small, barely considered a threat in his eyes. Yet when he sees the other doctors and patients, he sees all sorts of monsters, some fusing with their hosts, like when he shrieked upon seeing the new therapist. He saw all of the malice the man had turned them into a creature from nightmares.

Now, as we know with most bodies, they will build up a tolerance if exposed to negative factors. So over time, Bandy's body slowly adapts to resisting the suppressors, causing them to increase the dosage until it eventually stops working on him.

But Bandy still acts docile on his prescription, right?

Wouldn't you know it, one of the employees forgets to order the medicine that Bandy so desperately needs. It would take 2 days for the emergency order to come in.

No big deal, right? Bandy is always friendly to people, even before the new 'prescription', surely nothing bad will happen, right?

Well, Milo Murphy's law states that anything that can happen will happen.

On the second day, Bandy sees the bad Therapist and finally snaps. The suppressors on his magic had ceased working since his body had too much of it. It needed to be expelled.

And what better than the man who had started the torment?

It was all a blur to the skeleton, but it was bloody and brutal. The schizophrenic came to when he had cornered Dr. Alphys and Mrs. Toriel. A bloody pair of scissors in one hand, and a sharp bone in the other. He stared at the weapons before giggling, a manic grin on his face. Asylum knew a lot now, and the two women in front of him had let the therapist do whatever.

So, he finished the job before skipping off to the medicine cabinet.

He needed answers.

It would be quite a sight for the next victim, the person who delivered the medication. Seeing bloodied halls, corpses and dust everywhere.

And just like that, the deliverer would fall by Asylum's hands, and he gets the prescription he needed. So a win-win for him.

I feel like Swapped Dream and Ink would stumble upon the AU by chance and find Asylum playing with the corpse happily.

It's just a thought I had though, just a simple idea since I was bored. Just wanted it to be recorded a bit.

[tobiasdrake]

Fucking rude. Who pissed in that guy's miso? Oh well. Let's keep looking around Bamboo Creek.

Okay, this is clearly something. Looks more like an exit than an entrance, though. Based on the differently colored stone.

Bro, I'm gonna touch this cabinet every single time I come in here. Just because you keep telling me not to. I think we should both just settle into a comfortable status quo of me touching your cabinet.

To be fair, that's a strong goal to reach for. Devolver publishes a ton of great content for consumers to enjoy. You can also find a treasure trove of fantastic material published by Annapurna Interactive, while we're at it.

There aren't many publishers out there who can be relied on with great material like the Sacred Fable of the Moon Goddess Luana but if you look hard enough, you can find some true gems.

...sorry, shilling products for advertising revenue is part of my religion. You go on, I'll just kick back and listen while enjoying this warm, heavenly loaf of Garl-ic Bread, in stores wherever Warrior Cook Wares are sold.

It's actually addiction-forming, as a matter of fact. The deferment of happiness to a hypothetical future point in time is also the main problem with marketing hype. People can become so addicted to the cycle of looking forward to things that the actual product quality ceases to matter.

This is more or less what's become of the gaming industry these days, as preorder culture and live services and DLC roadmaps all keep people hooked, buying the promise of what the product might be someday instead of an actual product that they would enjoy having right now.

It comes out. It's disappointing. But it doesn't matter, because people are addicted to the promise and eager to jump on the next thing that might possibly materialize into something good some day.

Not to speak ill of Kickstarter since... y'know, biting the hand that feeds and all that... but crowdfunding also feeds into this same phenomenon. It's just that it's easier to put faith in small projects with individual names behind them than in large companies focused on maximizing profits above all else.

We see this in Big Tech spaces as well. Ideas like cryptocurrencies and AI-driven media get shopped around, not because there is anything of value worth investing in today, but because they insist that their product is going to be revolutionary eventually. "This IS the future, this IS where society is going, so you'd better buy in now."

Future happiness is highly addictive.

No, it was insightful. This was a good talk. I enjoyed discussing these advanced concepts with you.

If this is what it gets me, then I'll be sure to keep molesting your cabinet in the future. Anyways, what were we doing? Right, Bamboo Creek, we were....

WHY PLANTS. WHY ARE THERE PLANTS. EVIL HUNGRY PLANTS.

I should have known the forest would not be kind to botanophobes. I thought Luana killed the Botanical Horror! Are there more!? This isn't even the right island for it!

Unless we're in a different timeline. Shit, that's a possibility. Hell, all these Time Shards around imply we're in an active time loop but I'm trying not to think about that because it hurts my ninja brain.

You know, the bamboo construction here is extensive. I wonder who built all this? Did we build it, and the Koopa Kingdom took over after driving us from our lands? Or did they build it, as a fortress to stage their invasions from?

Shopkeep only said this was the closest thing to a relaxing place left on the island so maybe, once upon a time, this was a nice getaway spa or something. The trolleys that move by slapping them are weirdly fun and satisfying for reasons I'm not quite sure I can put my finger on.

Those spikes might be, like, relaxation spikes. You don't know.

No, but, for real. Jumping around from bamboo branch to bamboo branch is, like, a fun day in the park for a trained ninja. If it weren't for all the demon heads blowing in on the wind, I'd be having the time of my life. I think this was a vacation resort.

Plus, y'know, it's been a while since we fought the necromancer. And there was that weird statue in Luana's fable and all that. So. I. Kinda. Was hoping.....

Actually, come to think of it, that statue might have been Quarble. Huh.

...do I get to fight Quarble? 'Cause he's my bestie, don't get me wrong, but I'd love a sparring match with him!

There are a lot of things I wouldn't fight on my day off. Like that inexplicably fast guy with the halberd who stabbed me in the junk. That was not very relaxing at all.

...

But yes, I would like to fight a boss on my day off. Boss plz.

Well, if I don't get to fight a boss then at least I still have my unchecked lust for shiny fragments of concentrated physics violations.

If there's not a boss here then there better be something really good up ahead to--

MOTHERFUCKING HIGH DIVE WHOOOOOOOO!!!!

You win this round, ambiguous Shopkeeper.

Oh hey, a tunnel. Wonder what's down there. If this is the pool then maybe there's a hot tub--

Howling like "the wind howls" or howling like a wolf? Because those will create two very different sets of expectations for what, exactly, is coming to kick my ass.

That guy on the mural is definitely pooping. Weird thing to immortalize, ancient temple builders or whatever this place is.

Very well. At least we've clarified. I will adjust my expectations straight to the bottom of a ravine. Not unlike the one I descended to get here.

[writer59january13]

Espousing irreverent greed

Crafted one year ago today yours truly – hopefully self plagiarism okay

worse case scenario,

I would meet ill fate re: kenway named after Assassin Creed

Black Flag's protagonist.

"Yo, I totally Kenwayed that guy."

by Bilbusbagginzies

Passive stance, but aye agreed

and did promise to pledge troth faster than greased lightning airspeed

once the missus temporarily ceased menarche regarding monthly bleed became in family way with child

thee eldest, whom one day may breed, when permanently settled

or opting out begetting offspring,

alluded daughter much more mature,

cuz parent trap truly ensnared me,

and I nearly capsized

manning figurative prairie schooner,

I captained poorly

barely surviving emotionally

analogously shipwrecked existence

I must forthrightly concede done dirt cheap dirty deed.

Unlike das papa, first born proactive

taking preventative measures

to avoid begetting offspring

with college manual, she carefully plots

being masterfully persevering enroute to notch curriculum vitae with two additional years of schooling University of Pennsylvania degreed

well self groomed for succeeding

at aforementioned Ivy League

years before taking

advanced placement courses

at Harriton High School yielding to positive advisory feedback,

she wisely did heed shipshape smarts anchors ahoy mate

passed academic challenges

with flying colors well seasoned life, yes indeed.

Wherefore sexually reckless behaviour, though I eventually wed

future mother housing zygote,

nevertheless did bungle responsibilities

to exponential powers of ten -

experienced challenges to exceed

capacity of yours truly to handle

whacking thru jungle of lady love

until...making head way verboten fruit fricasseed

essentially purring kitty I petted and proceeded to feed

pitched, hitched, ditched

libido in throes of monkish celibacy, procreating analogous to filigreed

custom made jewel of denial,

bubbling self cleaning oven,

plus compelled tug get willy freed

after being soused asthma gumweed

glommed, where male member tiptoed thru tulips playing ukulele

playing biological equivalent risque business "Russian roulette"

pregnancy eventually guaranteed.

Unlike me wily willy cocked, limp bizkit primed to hawk kitty

then future spouse did not intercede once peppy begged, connived, to forego birth control and test virility

attested, claimed, ejaculated, et cetera

arousal without prophylactics keyed

sowing wild oats courtesy yours truly didst adeptly beg, burrow, knead

testosterone totally tubular lil trouser snake did proceed letting call of wild take lead

tube steak king claim for fatherland heady after slurping boot legged mead

stifled unnatural prime mate years pent up sexual urge, thus did supercede.

Thence sore relief yours truly did need

for swearing against wearing raincoat

at seminal moment blithely releasing seed subsequent expense imposed

on fecund counterpart

with snoop doggy dogg speed

generating prickly heat inducing boner fied stampede

appetite for reproduction

struggling with common sense (particularly lacking gainful employment)

raising and supporting young ones

incurred courtesy one or more progeny needs and wants of offspring,

who sprouted like loco crazy weed,

as greater demands imposed on their mama and papa.

[wraith-latte-art]

rambling about the drawing + cattlepunnk headcanons (vaguely) under the cut :33c

*sighs full of longing* was listening to the song clip and had an entire animatic for them play out in my head... unfortunately i dont have the time (or patience) to make animatics so this is it ú-ù

comic starts w cattlepunk meeting in the campaign!! when ichabods dumbass gets saved by the riptide pirates. he recognizes drey!!! how could he not when they have so much history together... drey ofc has no idea who this silly cowboy pirate is

right after that it's meant to be like a flashback / show them when they were younger and knew each other :")) ichabod found drey when he washes up on horsea's beach and puts his hat on him so if people see him carrying drey to his house they dont think dreys... dead.... or that ichabod just kidnapped some random guy from the beach (he sort of did tho...)

drey wakes up and is like WTF?? WHO ARE YOU WHERE AM I WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!!!! first couple of months when drey is healing was rough for both of them but they work it out pretty quickly u-u drey calls icabod to admire the sunset with him... to stop brooding and standing back there for no reason...... ichabod joins but he is not admiring the sunset...... looking at liam's fic......

"when the day sleeps, ill be waiting by the olive tree / all of me wants to be next to you" these lyrics also make me think of ichabod waiting at the beach where he found (and eventually loses) drey. he visited it almost everyday after drey disappeared waiting and hoping he'd find him there again... (he never does)

i hope you enjoy the mini drey and ichabod i drew instead tho aldnckjas the sillies ever they look so stupid

comic ends w/ the present again (so ichabod and drey as we know them in the campaign) looking at the stars together :> drey was just stargazing or maybe just standing there and thinking to himself and ichabod asks if he can join him

also the color palette i used is called Hunter’s eye >:33c if there are any inconsistancies in their designs its bc i forgor :pp whoops

if you actually read all this i am giving you a pat on the head and promise to come back w more cattlepunk soon (maybe) ill come back way sooner if you drop some ideas for me to draw them tho :DD i wanna hear what people have to say!!!!!

inspired by this cut song from epic: the musical that lives rent free in my head

younger cattlepunk (they switched hair styles) inspired by @/teehee-vibes designs !!!

[cocolacola]

hellsing pokemon au !!

as promised, im going back to my usual hellsing shenanigans with some pokemon stuff. ive had this in my brain for months but have never gotten around to doing anything with it! my autistic ass has absorbed information about pokemon before i could have normal thought patterns, so hopefully my takes are at least a little satisfying. feel free to interact with ur own thoughts and suggestions!

i provided long explanations of each, but if you dont want to read all that just look at the pictures :P

long post ahead!

note: these aren't definitive teams, just me throwing around ideas. don't take this as the holy grail of headcanons or anything.

seras victoria

boltund would be her first pokemon i think, her main partner from before her work with the organization. togetic is here because idk im a togetic 4lifer and im a kinnie ? it just really made sense to me, just vibes, plus i think she really needed a flying type. may become a togekiss later, that would be cute. umbreon is pip's eevee that she evolved, and blastoise is a gift from walter. i think she needs more red pokemon to match her color palette and vampire vibes so ill probably add to this!

alucard

alucard needs a legendary of course, so darkrai. i think they would be good friends, they give the same "misunderstood tortured soul" vibes. houndoom to represent baskerville, noivern to fit the vampire/bat aesthetic.

and an important distinction:

i think girlycard should have a hisuian sneasel. they're the same critter. two ancient beings.

sir integra

im surprised with how much i struggled with this one. i feel like a fake fan. smh, anyways. sirfetch'd is perfect to me-even the unevolved farfetch'd is super fitting too-but i included the final form for this post. i wanted to stick with galar pokemon, but aegislash is literally a sword. cmon. stoutland is a recommendation from a friend that i 100% agree with. ive always associated her with the serperior line, so snivy was probably her starter. i think that'd be cute. im really open to suggestions on this one because i think she deserves more steel or normal types.

pip bernadotte

this is a big one! there were so many good options with pip... and i didnt even mean to color code it 😅 i wanted him to have an electric type to match seras (to add to the whole rivals-to-lovers aesthetic), so his main partner is raichu! it was between that or mudsdale, who i also really like (and is the only one on this team who cant be found in kalos, haha). i wanted him to have a bird (for the geese) so there's dodrio. scrafty and tauros just fit the vibe perfectly to me-they're sorta like honorable mentions. eevee is originally his but he eventually gives it to seras, who evolves it into umbreon. if pip would have kept it, i think it would have evolved into sylveon (the whole kalos thing).

walter c dornez

some interesting picks for walter. corvisquire is his main guy, his "angel of death", he's raised it from a rookidee since he was a kid. maybe it would evolve into corviknight when he becomes Dark Walter. not sure how that would work. i choose not to think about dark walter. bisharp is there for the steel typing vibes as well as the chess symbolism: it really hits right for me, with walter's arc being about how he's played as a "pawn", in a sort of way. also a nod to a very dear friend of mine who loves walter and the pawniard line respectively. :) now, why leavanny, you ask? it learns string shot, of course! also because id like to think he would raise a sewaddle in his old age to help him with things around the estate.

..aaand im out of room for images in the post! i'll make a part 2 with some bonus thoughts + the iscariot organization if i feel like it. bye for now!