#ill change it i promise. i just like queuing everything at once

[camelspit]

all the posts for the next sexywoman round are queued 😁😁😁

[rpbetter]

Raven used to be my friend but I had to cut ties recently due to feeling like walking on eggshells everytime we spoke and they never apologized to me for when I brought up something that they did upset me. I really miss them but I don't want to deal with the if it's not about me I don't care attitude.

Pt 2 of Ravens old friend. They reblogged anti fandom posts on their resource blog and I happened to be in that fandom and it hurt. A resource blog shouldn't be doing that.

Hey, Anon! I wanted to post this before I released one of my drafts, as that draft happens to be something I do not want you to misconstrue being about you. Thought about it after the fact and honestly, felt a bit ill over potentially making you think any such thing! The post is about how pushy people can be about what they like (usually as regards fandom) that you don't, and how that can be a contributing factor toward people saying hateful things about fandom topics. It was the quickest of the finished drafts sitting around to edit, so it was being queued, that's all! I do not think you were being pushy about your likes to "deserve" this, and frankly, even if you had? One's meme/resource/help blog is not the venue for shitting on your friends.

Okay, just wanted to clarify, everyone is stressed and feeling judged enough, I don't want to inadvertently contribute to that with any drafted posts!

I'm really sorry this happened, Anon. I don't mean that in a passing, flippant way that looks good on my blog. Not that I mean anything that way lol but I frequently have had "friends" in the past who felt like it was totally fine to reblog, even make original posts, like what you're talking about. Anti-fandom, anti my part of the fandom, my muses, my takes, and so on. Really hurtful things when we'd spoken in DMs about how upsetting it was, then they go and throw full support behind it in front of me.

It would be irritating with a grain of betrayal if it was a friend of a shorter time, or a mutual one doesn't really interact with OOC, but with a closer or longtime friend, it's actively hurtful. It feels like they looked you right in the face, said they do not give a single shit about either what is important to you or sparing your feelings, and went on. Yeah, it's just fiction, but the way we treat each other over fiction is real.

Given the behaviors displayed openly, it's not a shock you received no apology. Whether you got an apology or not, though, good on you for trying to bring it up to them! It's hard to do that with friends, even ones you're more certain won't blow up at you for it. I think if we could all be a little more (calmly, nicely, reasonably) open with each other like this, we could avoid problems that result from things festering and piling up, but it's hard to take that step...and I'm sorry this was your reward for it.

Just as blogs that are not one's RP or personal blogs shouldn't be openly judging and hating fandoms like that, friends shouldn't leave you feeling like you're walking on eggshells.

And, I'm going to say something unpopular here - sometimes, we all are capable of doing that to people we care about. Bad moments in lives combine, there are misunderstandings, sensitive topics, and things we can't entirely control otherwise. I don't like this idea tumblr has that anything other than a perfect, sweet, forever-cheery relationship is the actual height of abuse, so I want to be clear on that because it's just trivializing and blinding people to the possibility of toxic and abusive interactions. When you think "toxic" means "they don't like x, I love x, we don't talk about it," you're not aware of legitimate signs like being too worried to be yourself around them.

It's when this is the typical, established behavior that it's a problem. It's when there's never any meaningful acknowledgment, apology, or attempt at changing that it's a problem. If you constantly feel like you have to be worried about what a friend is going to say or do, it's not a friendship you need to be in, and I'm glad you recognized that and got out of it!

But there's also the idea that this is easy because it's the right and logical choice. It is not, and it's often made even harder because admitting to other friends that you miss the good times with the former one is all but impossible. They're often only reacting out of concern for you, the fear that if you miss this person they watched hurt you, you'll go back to that friendship, but it effectively shuts down a more healthy way of dealing with your feelings by sharing them with better friends who could support you.

So, Anon, it's also fully alright and normal to miss Raven! They were a longtime friend, and the thing about these kinds of friendships, these kinds of relationships in general, is that we seem to fail to realize that if things were straight awful from day one, we'd not have been friends. Of course, there are memories! Of course, you have the impulse to send them a link or that meme you know is their humor! It doesn't stop for a long time, either. That doesn't mean you're fucked up for it, it's something to be ashamed of, or that you're going to drop your better judgment and go send Raven a message immediately and rekindle that friendship. It's okay!

This right here: "I don't want to deal with the if it's not about me I don't care attitude." This is the place you should be in, and I congratulate you on being there because it takes a lot of shit heaped on someone by a friend to get there. Just keep remembering the good things you experienced with them, but always with this in mind, that their end of the friendship appears to have been predicated upon what they were getting out of it only.

Case in point, like everything they displayed to the whole damn RPC that encountered them these last few months, their personal interest and viewpoint was of greater importance to them with that anti-fandom post than a friend was.

I will say, it can be a delicate thing having this blog. I have opinions and takes that most of my friends share, what's important to me tends to run in the same lines as what is important to them, that's the basis of a lot of our friendship. We still disagree! We still have different interests, fandoms, favorite characters, songs, and experiences. Sometimes, I have to address a problem that they could misconstrue, in a totally normal and reasonable way, because while they're not doing whatever in a bad way, others are. I've made a point, more than once, to contact them and talk about it a little preemptively, and that's not just to keep up friendships, it also allows for extra insight from them and better phrasing from me so that other people I don't know won't take it the wrong way either.

Yes, I have some immutable, incredibly hard lines lol I think we all know what most of them are now, but expressing my purely personal opinion on something like fandom is not more important on this blog than anything else. I may genuinely feel like there is diseased connective tissue of disappointing behavior stemming from an origin point in a popular fandom, I'm not going to go off about it on this blog. It's inappropriate as hell, going to make people feel isolated and targeted whether they're my friends or not. Being passionately displeased about that does not have place here, and that's the kind of thing you have to consider, reconsider, force yourself to shut up about when you've got a blog that isn't for RP or a personal, you know?

I don't think everyone is cut out for doing that, and no one is cut out for doing it without ever making a mistake in judgment. Some people really should simply realize that there is nothing wrong with not being in the place in their lives or mental health to put that much effort into being fair or being quiet and concentrating only on memes. If you're one of those people, random reader? I'm serious, it's okay if you can't do it! It's not shameful, I'm also a deeply flawed human being, the quietest, politest, helpful meme blog out there is also run by a flawed human, they're just at a different place with themselves than you are. And. That's. Okay. Just don't hurt other people (and yourself, ultimately) by forcing it, please.

I suppose, knowing that it wasn't important enough to chill and reevaluate for the sake of a friend is some consolation lol what one won't do for friends definitely won't be done for random muns deemed problematic. So, maybe that'll make some other people out there feel a little better, and I thank you for sharing...as much as I wish you had nothing of this experience to share. I know it's an unpleasant one to have had, and I hope you have much better friends!

I promise you that I'll never post anything here that is viciously against any particular fandom or any such thing, and that if you feel like I've been unfair about anything at all, I welcome polite messages as a way of discussing it so we can all be clear and/or learn from each other. I know, I openly admit, it's kind of a draw of the blog, that I have a...um, tone of salt about things lol and sometimes, I don't phrase things the way they deserved. So, it's always okay to drop in for clarification or counterpoint, so long as it isn't being done with a shitty attitude that incites hostilities. Let's do have a legitimate conversation about it instead of hurt feelings!

Thanks again, Anon!

[writingthingsisdifficult]

Oh my god they were roommates part 4

You are forced to take over the monitoring of Loki. Snapshots from the life of being a god handler.

It’s weird how a phrase or sentence can inspire a whole story. In this case it was “A polished turd is a turd nonetheless.” This is what grew from it. The whole story is almost 13.000 words long, so I felt I had to split it into parts.

This is the last part. Hope you like it, though I have to put a warning on this one: blood, insects, death, maggots are the ones that come to mind first. And angst. But it’s me, so :P

If you like it, let me know. Knowing that people enjoy my writing is what keeps me posting my stories.

Word count: 5010

Part one  Part two  Part three

_______________________________________________________________________

You beckoned to Loki. “Come on. They’ve called me in.”

He sighed heavily, but followed you through the shop, still carrying the shopping basket. “Oh joy! I guess there’s no time to drop me off before you go?”

Looking down on the phone in your hand, you shook your head. They wouldn’t send a text like that if it weren’t urgent. “Sorry. Guess you’ll have to wait in the car or something. I’ll drop you off once I get my assignment.”

Loki shrugged. “I should’ve brought my book.” He put down the shopping basket next to the cashier and nodded politely as you left. Better he put the items back on the shelves than leaving the basket in an aisle somewhere. Besides, you doubted he would mind much.

He had developed a little crush on you both, and you had yet to come up with a good way to let him down gently. Loki had jokingly suggested gauging the poor guy’s eyes out. After laughing it off, you still weren’t a hundred percent sure he was joking.

Another solution had popped into your mind too, but you had dismissed it just as quickly: pretending to date each other would probably get him off your back, but that would place you in an uncomfortable position. For your part, the pretend part would hurt a little too much for your liking.

Loki’s book remark made you wonder. “What do you mean you should’ve brought a book?” The car roared to life.

“Waiting out missions tend to get tedious,” he explained patiently, leaning his temple on the window. “Especially after they got their hands on those cursed manacles. I blame Thor for that.” His eyes darkened. Frost swirled over the glass.

“It’s happened before?” You almost stopped the car on the side of the road, but a fleeting image of Maria Hill’s disapproving face popped into your head. “More than once?”

Loki nodded. “Oh yes. Before Agent Powell they would not let me out of their sight at all. Made for some interesting days, I’ll tell you. Even when Agent Reed took over my… care, I was confined to a cell or the back of a vehicle when he was needed somewhere else. Granted, their missions were less frequent than other’s, but yes, I’ve seen my fair share. I imagine – hey! Watch out!”

The road in front of you exploded in purple, and you swerved, barely avoiding hitting the lump of unidentifiable mass in front of the car. You sped up, muttering under your breath. “What the hell?”

“I made a habit of always carrying something to read,” Loki continued, unperturbed.

As you got closer to HQ, you got closer to the fighting as well, but for a tiny second all you could see was Loki’s dejected expression. Patting his knee, you tried an encouraging smile. “Listen, I’ll try to… I can’t promise anything, but…” You fell silent for a while before muttering: “At least I’ll make sure you’ve got a book.”

The large, dark grey gate loomed over you, and you flashed your ID to the guard in the booth. He nodded to you and took an extra good look at Loki before waving you through.

Parking in the lot behind the lab, you marched quickly to the office building. “You better wait outside,” you said, gesturing to the long line of personnel vehicles.

“I know the drill,” Loki replied and turned right by the door.

Inside, Director Fury himself was involved in handing out the assignments, together with Agent Hill. An uncomfortable pressure settled in your chest. The situation must be really bad, but you took a seat next to Agent Torres and a new recruit you hadn’t seen before. Shaking your head slightly, you thought about how the recruits seemed younger every year.

Agent Hill quickly briefed the room on the situation while Fury stood in the background looking grim, but collected. Nothing threw that man out of balance.

“We have yet to determine the origin of the attackers,” Hill said, confirming your suspicions, and allowing for a collective gasp to go through the crowd.

Uncertain origin always meant aliens, extra-terrestrials. You swore silently. There would be a lot of casualties.

Hill continued: “The Avengers have been notified and will focus on the main threat, aided by the armed forces. Your mission will be damage control and civilian evacuation.” They had put together a pretty decent plan in such a short time, and you wondered if they had one ready, and just changed the dates and locations according to need. Soon you were queuing up to get your assigned tasks.

The recruit in front of you let out a curse on a trembling breath.

“Hey, don’t be scared,” you whispered. “We’ve been through worse. Just stick to your mentor and everything will be okay.”

He nodded and squared his shoulder, before hurrying after a more experienced agent. Rubbing you eyes, you tried not to think too hard: he wouldn’t last through the day if he didn’t manage to get his nerves in check.

When it was your turn, Maria handed you a big, yellow folder. “You’ve been assigned to Sector 3; yellow. Some families, mostly senior citizens and immigrants. How’s your Spanish?”

“Non-existing,” you replied with a grimace, taking the folder and headed for the exit. Just as you reached the door, you turned back.

“Yes?” she said. The question must have been obvious in your face.

“Ma’am, as I have custody of Loki –“

“He knows the routine,” Fury interrupted.

“Yes, sir. About that… I would like to request him coming with me on this assignment.”

Hill raised and eyebrow, but Fury nodded once. “And he will. The handcuffs are being brought down as we speak.

Inhaling deeply, you decided to just jump in. “I meant with us, as an agent. He –“

“Agent Y/N, that would be unwise. Loki is hard to control.”

“With all due respect, Sir, I believe he has proved himself trustworthy. Since I took over the charge, he has had several chances to do ill, but he has refrained from doing so. He is on good terms with the neighbours, and the community knows him as a helpful person. Hell, Lydia, uh, Mrs Martin all but worships the ground he walks on – though I’m not sure that counts in his favour,” you added silently. Looking up at both Fury and Hill, you tightened your jaw, pulling out your last argument. “God knows we need an extra pair of hands, and he is experienced in combat, should it come to that.”

“Fury, she has a point,” Hill said, surprising you with her support.

“Fine.” Fury rolled his eye. “But that’s your ass on the line. If anything happens – if he tries anything, that’s your responsibility.”

“Understood. And thank you,” you added. You could’ve sworn you saw a smile cross Fury’s face, but it was gone before you really registered it. It might as well have been a figment of your imagination.

“Run along before I change my mind.”

Outside you ran into Agent Reed. He looked like Christmas had been cancelled. “You’re gonna get us all killed. That blood’s on your hands. Loki can’t be trusted.”

Glaring, you didn’t really want to deign him with an answer, but he blocked your way, and you were getting angry. “We need all hands on deck, Benjamin.” When he didn’t move right away, you raised an eyebrow, staring at him with contempt in your eyes. “And to be honest I trust him more than I trust you. Get lost, Reed.” You pushed your way past him, leaving him looking like a goldfish.

Loki was waiting by the car, eyeing the crate with the magical manacles and the guards standing on each side of the crate. His face was neutral, but you knew he hated those manacles more than anything in the nine realms.

“Looks like you don’t get to sit this one out after all,” you told him with a mischievous grin, clipping in place the clasps on your vest. “Of course I tried to dissuade them, but Fury was adamant it was all hands on deck.”

When he registered what you said, his stance visibly shifted. You hadn’t noticed before, but it was clear he had been slumping. Now he was standing tall, a new spark in his eyes. “Oh no,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “No quiet evening in the back of the truck for me. Whatever shall I do?” As he spoke, his armour grew, and you sucked in an extra breath.

It shouldn’t have affected you the way it did, but the confidence in him at that moment was almost too much to keep you on your feet. Adjusting your earpiece, more to distract yourself than anything else, you manage to shake it off, and opened the car door. “Let’s go.” You held up your hand, and he looked at it, then at you.

With a contemptuous sneer he slapped it, then shook as if he had just touched something slimy. “Never again, Y/N,” he said and slid into the vehicle, pushing the other agent further in.

“Yeah yeah.” You grinned and got in after him. Closing the door with a slam, you knocked on the window to let the driver know the car was ready, and sat down. Seconds later you were en route to the second alien invasion in three years.

The car stopped and the doors opened to reveal a crumbled building. Frightened people were running in every direction. Some tried to jump in standing cars, but the chaos affected the traffic as well. It was a miracle your evacuation convoy had even gotten this far.

Within minutes you were set to work.  The team leader had directed you to a pair of buildings that were partially collapsed.

Helping shocked civilians and digging through the rubble together with Loki and the other rescue teams was hard. The concrete crumbled upon touch, releasing puffs of white dust into the air, making it harder to breathe.

Suddenly you stopped in your tracks. You heard whimpering, but it wasn’t coming from the building. Rounding the corner, you spotted a little girl.

She couldn’t have been more than four or five, and she was completely alone. It was obvious she had been crying, but when you found her she was silent like a stone. Her face was grey with dust, her skin only showing through the paths her tears had taken.

Someone had already dug her out of the rubble, but for some reason they had left her standing in the piles of concrete. You cursed and reached out to her, but Loki beat you to it.

Crouching down, he stretched out his arms, inviting her to come to him. And she did. “You’re okay now,” he said in perfect Spanish, stroking her hair and brushing dust from her face. “Such a brave little girl. What’s your name?” She didn’t answer, but he continued to talk calmly until he reached the evac bus, where a team of paramedics and agents were ready to take over.

The girl remained silent until he tried to hand her over to a kindly looking woman with curly hair. She buried her face in Loki’s neck, tangling her fingers in his hair, straight up refusing to acknowledge the woman at all. When she was lifted away from Loki she started wailing. Her tiny hands grabbed the empty air.

It was heart breaking to watch, but you knew she couldn’t stay. At the shelter she would get food and water, and maybe, just maybe, she would find her parents there.

Loki smiled gently, shushing her and brushing away her tears. “It’s okay, brave one. Don’t be afraid.” He continued to speak for a while, and finally the girl calmed down and allowed them to carry her to the waiting transport.

You got through the day with only a few scrapes on your knuckles and a small cut under your right eye. Loki, of course, looked like he hadn’t even broken a sweat, even though he had lifted and carried and comforted more civilians than the rest of the team combined.

You were slightly envious, but you were also more than ready to forgive him the rudeness of his perfection if that meant you could just go home and collapse on the sofa and do nothing for the next three weeks. Getting rest was the only thing that mattered, and the sole thing standing between you and it was one last check of a nearby kiosk.

The building was far from safe, and uninjured people had begun to rifle through the scattered goods as people usually do in event of a catastrophe. Your last task as the sun was setting, was to make sure none of the looters were caught if the building collapsed, and to properly block the street after the last evac bus had left.

Suddenly a man came sprinting right at you. Before he stumbled over a pile of concrete, he stopped, panting and watching you with wild eyes. “My wife!” he shouted and started climbing over the rubble.

“Sir,” you began. “This is not a safe area. Please move.”

He didn’t react.

“Sir. Your wife is not here. We have scanned the building, it is empty, and those who were buried have been excavated. The evac –“

“Move!” he growled, still advancing, apparently intent on entering the building.

Loki stepped forward. His appearance would stop most men, but this one was clearly not aware of what he was doing, and worse: in his hand he held a big bundle that looked vaguely like a gun.

“Stop,” Loki began, and you reached for his arm.

“Are you insane? You don’t know what he’ll do.”

He grinned widely. “Jury’s still out. Probably lots of people who would argue for it. But trust me. I know what I’m doing. I can help him -”

“No, Loki! He’s got –“

The man drew the weapon and before you could reach for your own, the street exploded with purple light and a high-pitched screech. You shielded your eyes, expecting to be ripped in half any moment, but you felt no different, and when you looked again the man was sprinting down the street, the gun tossed aside like a banana peel.

The next thing you saw froze your blood. “Loki!” Dropping to your knees, not caring that the jagged edges of the concrete rubble lacerated your skin. You fumbled for his hand. It was so cold, and covered in blood, and he was gasping for air. The armour on his chest was melted away, revealing a blistering gash. He was bleeding heavily.

“No, Loki,” you whispered over and over. “You’re okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.” If he died, you would never forgive yourself.

In a moment’s clarity, you fished out your phone, almost dropping it because your hands were so slick, and for backup. That weapon was not of human origin. Besides, you couldn’t very well call an ordinary ambulance for Loki.

A small crowd were forming by the time SHIELD arrived. Some were filming your feeble attempts to keep Loki’s blood on the inside, others were just watching, but all stepped back once the black cars showed up and agents swarmed the area, collecting evidence and mobile phones and witness statements.

You noticed nothing of that, though. The only thing you heard was Loki’s ragged breath as you focused on keeping him awake. “Listen to me,” you said with a trembling voice, failing horribly to sound stern and confident. “Don’t you dare die! Not like this!”

Loki coughed and smiled weakly. “Well, I figured this was the only way you would leave me alone.”

Laughing grimly, you shook your head. “What, am I such a bad roommate you have to die to get some peace?”

He nodded once before his eyes started to glide shut.

“This is bullshit!” you yelled just as the paramedics ploughed their way through the onlookers. Once they started working on him, you sat back on your heels and closed your eyes. Your tears were indistinguishable from the rain, but you could not ignore the burning behind your eyes. All sound drowned in the rush in your ears, and distantly you registered someone hoisting you to your feet. Supported by an agent, you let yourself be lead to an ambulance so they could take a look at your bleeding legs.

Someone strapped you in and attached beeping machinery and devices to you, but all you could see was Loki’s ashen and bloody face lying lifeless on the pavement.

_______________________________________________________________________

Loki opened his eyes and blinked in confusion. You rushed to his side and handed him one of the white plastic cups. “Don’t try to speak. Drink.”

He nodded and sat up, gulping the water down greedily. Some of it dribbled from the corner of his mouth, but he didn’t seem particularly bothered by it. When he was finished, he put the cup down on the little side table and looked around.

Once he noticed the balloons, he burst out laughing. “What the –“ His voice was raw, and the effort made him cough.

“Better not talk to much yet,” you said, grinning now that he was awake and didn’t seem insulted by them. “Let me jump start your memories.”

He reached for the nearest balloon and examined it while gesturing for you to go on. The balloon in question read Get well soon you attention seeking twat on one side, but as it slowly revolved, the other side revealed It can’t always be champagne, cocaine, and hookers. (Get well soon.) Loki let out an amused chuckle.

You felt like crying with relief, and you hoped your voice wouldn’t crack. “Basically you had to be a hero and scare the shit out of me. You’ve been in a coma for almost two weeks! You dick!”

His eyes shone with remembrance, then widened from your sudden outburst.

Suddenly aware of what you had said, you started sputtering, ears burning with embarrassment. “And I wasn’t the only one who were upset. When Thor found out you were in a coma he let loose a storm that almost flooded the city. It wasn’t until the doctors finally confirmed you would live he let it go.

To be fair the lightning show was kinda pretty, but it made it hard to sleep. The curtains aren’t exactly lightproof,” you added, looking at the windows over your shoulder.

Loki followed your gaze, before his eyes landed on the crumpled blanket on the chair in the corner. He swallowed and grimaced. He never thought you would have resort to such uncomfortable methods to keep an eye on him.

“The hit you took caused significant injuries to your torso. The doctors contemplated a skin graft too, but they were unsure how your body would react to Midgardian technology. Luckily you’re a fast healer.”

It took another week before the doctors deemed Loki well enough to be discharged, and you were more than happy to have him home again. The apartment, though unharmed in the attack, seemed so dark and ghostly without him, and you had even snuck into his room a couple of times when the anxiety shot through the roof.

Pushing the wheelchair through the glass doors, you headed to the waiting car. “Ready to go home?”

“Yes. And ready to get out of this ridiculous chair. I can bloody walk on my own.”

You snorted. “Yeah, sorry about that. Standard procedure, I think. So that you can’t sue the hospital if you stumble over a mat or something.”

Loki snorted too. “Right. Well, this is beneath my dignity.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve made spaghetti for dinner,” you said, hardly able to contain your laughter.

Loki let out a loud groan and got into the car.

_______________________________________________________________________

His face was grey and spattered with blood. It flowed rapidly from the deep slash across his chest, and no matter what you did it would not stop bleeding. Soon you were slippery with blood, both on your hands and on your feet. It became increasingly more difficult to find foothold, and you slid over the slick surface trying to keep pressure on the wound. Blood seeped through your clothes, warm and sticky, his life force coating your skin in red.

You called his name, over and over, but got no answer; his unseeing eyes turning milky white as you watched the ground swallow him inch by inch.

Mid-scream you were yanked backwards, landing on a soft surface with a silent oof. Dreading what you would see, you opened your eyes slowly – and looked straight into Loki’s concerned eyes. He was holding your shoulders harder than what was comfortable, pressing you into the mattress, but once he got eye contact, his grip loosened.

Blinking, you tried to orientate yourself. You were in your room. The bed was where it ought to, and you were tangled in your blanket. The t-shirt you usually slept in clung to your sweaty skin, and your face felt raw and stiff.

Seeing the wildness in your eyes, Loki let go completely and stepped back. “You were screaming,” he said softly, as if he expected you to scream again. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Frowning for a second, you didn’t know what he was talking about. Then a light flicked on in your brain. He had misunderstood your terror. “No, no. You didn’t. I… I had a nightmare. You…” You hesitated. “I didn’t know where I was. Thank you for waking me.” It hurt to talk. You wondered what the neighbours thought had happened.

“What did you dream about?”

You shook your head. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

Loki nodded. “Alright. Sleep well, Y/N. I wish you pleasant dreams.” He turned to leave, but before he could close the door, you called him back. “Loki, wait.”

He poked his head around the door. “Yes?”

You drew a deep breath. “Will you stay? Just a little while?”

He came back and sat down on the edge of the mattress, looking both confused and concerned.

“I’m scared the dream will return,” you explained with an apologetic smile. His lifeless face appeared each time you closed your eyes, and it made you nauseous. “Maybe if you, if you distracted me, I’ll fall asleep again. I mean, if you… oh, but you probably want to go back to sleep. Nevermind. Sleep well, Loki.”

You curled up and tried to think about nice things. Puppies and kittens, balloons. Summer. Flowers, meadows, grass, dirt… holes in the ground, sinking, maggots, dead Loki… You shivered.

Loki shifted next to you. “I was reading when you… uh,” he said quietly. “Perhaps I could, if you want to… I could read to you? Mot– Frigga always did that whenever I could not sleep when I was young.”

“I’d like that.”

He smiled and conjured a book out of thin air. “I just procured this wonderful edition of old fairytales. Some of them remind me of my childhood stories.”

You turned over on your side, resting your forehead on the side of his thigh. The warmth and life and movements calmed your nerves even further.

Loki opened the book, leafing through it until he found the page he was searching for. “Dapplegrim. This is one of my favourites,” he said. “Once upon a time there lived a rich couple with twelve sons…”

You glanced at the page, admiring the gorgeous illustrations. “Wait, Loki… that’s not English. You… are you translating as you read?”

He nodded, a red tint appearing in his face. “Yes. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not,” you murmured, and soon his smooth voice wrapped around you and carried you off to dreamland.

_______________________________________________________________________

Bugs and maggots. He was green and bloated and decomposing. You were stuck. Can’t get away, can’t get away, can’t get away. Invisible hands pulled you closer and closer. Chalky eyes stared into emptiness. It’s your fault. He’s gone. Never. Never. Never.

Gentle hands shook you out of the dream. “Y/N!” Loki repeated your name until you opened your eyes. “You were screaming again.”

Your throat was so sore – it hurt to swallow, and you could taste blood. A raw sob escaped, and you hid your face under the blanket. Every time you closed your eyes, his dead face swam into view. Would you ever be able to sleep again?

He gently stroked your hair, letting you cry until you could breathe evenly again. Then he asked for the seventh time in just as many days: “Will you not tell me?”

You clutched your blanket and shook your head.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“Please.”

When you stumbled into the kitchen the next morning, Loki handed you a cup of coffee, sat down next to you and crossed his arms. “You look like hell, Y/N.”

You scoffed. “Why thank you, Loki. How kind of you.”

Rolling his eyes, he grabbed you by your elbow and dragged you to the door, coffee abandoned on the kitchen table. “I did not mean it like that, and you know it. Come. I’m buying you a hot chocolate down at the Bean, and then you’re going to tell me what’s bothering you so much you can’t sleep at night.”

Sighing in defeat, you wound a scarf around your neck and said a silent goodbye to the flat that had been your home for so long before following Loki out the door.

The Bean was a no nonsense café just a couple of minutes walk down the street. Fortunately it was unharmed in the attack, and you found yourself visiting almost every day, and the owner always greeted you warmly when you came by.

Loki sat you down by the table in the back, making sure he had a clear view to the door and window, then ordered two large hot chocolates with extra whipped cream.

“Come on,” he said, licking cream from his lip. “This is getting out of hand. Tell me what those abhorrent nightmares of yours are. It can not continue like this. You haven’t had a good night’s sleep in… how long?”

“A week,” you answered meekly. “Sorry I’ve been keeping you up.”

Loki shook his head. “Don’t worry about me. Now. What is it that you dream about?”

You looked at him and he wiped a tear from your cheek. “I… It’s you.”

Loki’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second, and he straightened up. Suddenly he was cold and distant, and the change startled you, it was like he was a stranger.

Closing your eyes, you inhaled deeply, finding comfort in the lingering sensation from his touch. “I see you,” you continued. “Dead. Decomposing. Gone. And it’s all my fault.” Now that it was out in the open it felt like a boulder had been lifted from your shoulders, and you dared to look up at him again.

He was no longer emotionless and stiff; his face had softened, and his eyes showed a new gleam that you had never noticed before. He took your hand in his and squeezed. “It was just a dream. You know that? I’m not dead.” Tilting his head, a small smile spread over his lips. “How could I sit here if I were?”

You swallowed hard. This could destroy a wonderful friendship, or if you were lucky – no, you didn’t dare to even think it, let alone hope. You gave up all pretence. Your old apartment was still there, and you could always volunteer for more fieldwork.

“Don’t you see? It hurts me so bad seeing you…” You swallowed again. Even saying it out loud was painful. “…dead, because I… I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Mouth slightly open, he slid off his seat and crouched in front of you, holding your hands in between his own. His face was serious as he looked into your eyes. “That is not a wise decision, Y/N,” he whispered, and you felt your heart plummet to the floor. “I am not an easy person to love.”

“I know,” you muttered, struggling to hold back your tears. “But I can’t change what my heart tells me.” You sniffed and twisted in your seat, trying to manoeuvre around Loki. “I’ll send someone to pick up my things.”

You tugged on your hands to free yourself, but Loki would not let go. He straightened and pulled you closer. “You misunderstand me. I am not an easy person to love, but if you are willing to try, I will do what I can to ease the effort.”

“What?”

“Y/N, I had given up hope that someone would ever love me, and to find that that someone turned out to be you? It is more than I could have asked for. You have been in my dreams since the day we met, and I tried so hard to be civil when you met that fool. Tommy? Wasn’t that his name? And now… now you tell me that… that…” His voice broke. Instead of continuing, he lifted your hand to his lips. His touch was feather light, but it still sent a chill through you. Resting your hand against his cheek, he looked up at you, and you saw nothing but love in his eyes.

Many hours later, as you walked up the stairs hand in hand, Mrs Martin quickly poked her head out the door, then withdrew and closed it again.

“Oh shoot, now the whole building’s gonna know by morning,” you said, imagining the gossip spreading like fire from neighbour to neighbour. In your head you could see them staring, and the little knowing looks her and Mr Howard in number 15 would share.

Loki chuckled and brought your hand to his face, gently brushing his lips against your skin. Goosebumps erupted over your entire body.

“Yes, she will never shut up about it,” he murmured, looking fondly at the closed door. “Guess we really do have to invite her to the wedding.”

Your brain fizzed out, and you stopped mid-step, staring at him.

_______________________________________________________________________

Tagging:

@80percentmarvel @tardis-is-mine @schwarzwaelder-kirschtorte @jessiejunebug @thefuriousquake @wolfgar15

[ultraeloquentposts-blog]

👩‍⚕️THE OTHER SIDE 👩‍⚕️

Time: 3.45 a.m – Peaceful Nights ???

“Jatatavigalajjala pravahapavitasthale

Galeavalambya lambitam bhujangatungamalikam

Damad damaddama ninadavadamarvayam

Chakara chandtandavam tanotu nah shivah shivam”

Brain: “Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?” 

Heart: (Dub dub dub dub dub heartbeat racing fast). 

Brain: “Aaaaahhh it’s the alarm.” 

“But I just closed my eyes.”

“How does it matter, it’s time, I need to check on the patients downstairs. 

But again, I gave all the necessary instructions on my last visit, they should not need me again. 

What if the new-borns are hungry or if they oversleep? What if the mother sleeps while feeding the baby? MMMMMaybe I just ask the nurse on duty to have a look. Yeah, this sounds good, if there is a problem, she will call me. “

She picks up the intercom to ask the nurse on duty if all is good. 

Yet again, her brain plays the angel “But then I am already awake, better I have a look myself” (faces of the new-born babies blink in her eyes). 

She sneaks out of the bed, hoping that she will be back in the cozy comfort quickly and heads straight up to the dressing room to change into something elegant – Yeah, Doctors don’t get the privilege to step out wearing a night robe in their comfy gown, even in the middle of the night. Why? Well, let us ask our judging selves, what if my doctor comes in a comfy night rob to visit me. My illness goes in a corner and my judging-self starts talking “What a mess, is she really a doctor?” “Look at her, how is she supposed to handle my case?” Is she even hygienic or disciplined enough?”

We have learned to judge people on their appearance. With certain exceptions, we have learned that it’s okay to be a little biased for “the thing of beauty”, after all, we are the society that has labeled fair “Lovely” and skinny “Desirable”. So, judging your doctor who just walked out of the bed is involuntary.

Yes, ironically 12 years of hard work and 10 years of studies, will be easily judged and rendered unworthy in that small minute.

After changing and splashing some water on her face, she is quite awake. Her face and eyes, in particular, are swelled, begging her for some rest. But She is a doctor, she is in charge of the life. How can she, be at ease not knowing her patients’ status, she can’t have mercy on herself. Hence, ignoring her swelled up face, aching body and paining legs. She rushes downstairs to check on her patients with new-born babies. She has facilitated 1 C-Section and 1 Normal delivery in her own nursing home today. The C-Section had twins, then there is an infant from the C-Section of yesterday.

She always gets this proud feeling when a child is delivered healthy, when both the mother and baby are healthy. As if, she herself is the family who was supposed to take care of the mother and as if she herself is the mother who has just delivered that healthy baby. She does not care about the caste/creed/color/appearance of her patients, the only thing that makes her happy is the good health of the mother and baby. But unfortunately, this is something not good enough for the people and society. We have taken healthcare for granted, failed to appreciate their selfless hard work until it has directly affected us. Yes, she does get treated like a goddess when people realize that it is actually about life and death. But, knowing her in person, I want her (and every doctor out there) to know that we literally owe our lives to them.  

The babies need to be fed milk solution as Mothers won’t still be able to feed the new-borns. Quite often the caretakers doze off and the baby might stay hungry, she has to make sure that the babies are fed and the mother is OK. However, the mother from yesterday’s C-Section was trained on feeding today and should try feeding her baby. Also, the new-borns need to be fed every 2 hours, which means no continuous sleep for mothers. Hence, as a doctor, she prefers putting up a midnight alarm to check on patients if everything is fine. The major risk remains with the patients whose baby is a few days old, as their families/elders tell them how to feed the baby while lying on the bed (being concerned about the mother’s condition). But this is a big “No” and is not at all allowed. 

Reason? – Mothers are too tired, out of the injury of C-Section or the big fight of normal delivery along with waking up every 2 hours trying to feed their baby and a major possibility is for them to doze off while feeding the baby. There are cases wherein the mother was feeding the baby lying on the bed when she dozed off and the baby suffocated to death due to the weight of the breast. She makes sure to avoid any such incidents by checking continuously on her patients.

After calming down the 1 day old and instructing the nurse to feed him powdered milk, she moves to the next room, and to her surprise the patient is feeding her baby lying on bed and the patient's eyes are closed in sleep. “Why are you lying on the bed, you need to sit and then feed the baby. You are not supposed to lie down comfortably while feeding.” Then she turns to the caretaker and asks the patient's mother in law for why is she not keeping an eye. It is this time, the mom-in-law makes a snarky remark “It’s all a new drama these days, I have fed all kids like that, and nothing has gone wrong. It’s our will how we want to feed the baby, what is your problem.”

She tries to explain “The mother has a very high chance of falling asleep if she is lying down and the baby might suffocate because of the breast weight, as he will not be able to move his head”. The   M-I-L argues back “It's not possible, we all have fed our babies, this is rubbish. Just, release us tomorrow, this is all a drama, we could have delivered at home, doctors just need a reason to cut the stomach. In our times, we delivered all healthy babies at home. These doctors are here only to make money.”

This is the time, it pinches her heart, the patient was in labor for 8 hours. She was continuously monitoring her situation; she could hear the baby’s heartbeat going slower and slower. This is when she asked the mother and family to hear for themselves and let her go for C-section as soon as possible. Delivery at home was not an option here. But she can’t go on explaining everyone – that way her day would need to have an extra 12 hours. “I would complete my medical duties and discharge you as soon as I can. I have no interest but the baby and mother’s health” Before the lady can utter any more nonsense, she turns to her nurse and tells her to be vigilant here and let her know if there are any further issues.

The twins have had their food and are sound asleep, she moves back upstairs, washes her hands, changes clothes, drinks some water and by the time she is back in bed, it’s 4.45 am.

Thanks to her hectic life, sleep is always around the corner for her. She falls asleep right away.

6.00 am – Never Early to Bed but Always Early to Rise!!!

“Jatatavigalajjala pravahapavitasthale

Galeavalambya lambitam bhujangatungamalikam  

Damad damad damaddama ninadavadamarvayam

Chakara chandtandavam tanotu nah shivah shivam”

Dub dub dub dub.. the heart races again with a pinch of pain in the head. 

Brain games are here again: “No you don’t need to get up. 

5 minutes won’t hurt.

I promise I don’t need that alarm; I will be back awake with a quick 5 minutes of a power nap.

The patients were fine. The girls? Come on, I will fix a quick lunch in 15 minutes and 10 minutes to get them out of bed.

But the girls need cuddling and then getting ready, that will take 15 minutes. Total 30 minutes, I have an extra 10 minutes, 5 minutes to sleep and 5 minutes to be awake. I can do it.

Aaaahh. See, I passed 5 minutes in all the calculations when I could have slept nicely.”

She drags herself out of the cosy blanket and sleepily moves to the washroom to splash her face awake again. After which she straight away comes back to bed to wake her sleeping beauties up. She is a proud mom of two beautiful daughters Manya & Ananya. They have only 50 minutes for their school bus. The girls toss and turn to sleep back but she lovingly embraces them, kissing them again and again and telling them it’s time for school. After getting the girls out of bed, on their feet, she instructs them to get ready quickly. While the girls are getting ready, she heads to the kitchen to fix a quick yet innovative and tasty lunch. The lunch must be on par with the other kids and if she does not want food back, she better makes it tasty. It is already a pain to feed Manya – she has an inbuilt disrelish towards most of the food. Once the lunches are ready, she gets breakfast on the dining table and rushes to check if the girls are ready. 

Manya is moving around with her hair still not braided, while Ananya is ready for breakfast with her school bag. She asks Manya to start with her breakfast and she goes on braiding her hair, while she eats. 

Girls have left for school; she now makes a nice tea for herself and her husband who is reading the newspaper by now. 

The maid will be here any minute, she quickly checks her messages and catches some news on T.V. She needs to check on her patients again, before going to her workplace. 

8.00 am - & The Day (which never ended) Begins

At 8.00 she takes a look at the patients. Where luckily, all is good. She then drives towards the hospital, it’s OPD today (hospitals usually have 1 day dedicated for operations and 1 day dedicated to outdoor patient’s check-up) and patients are already queuing out. 

After checking patients till 2.00 pm, with a 15 minutes tea break, she heads to the college building as she has to give a lecture in the college building. Doctors are supposed to teach medical students as well. On the way, she smiles remembering the funny media person interviewing her on doctor’s day and asking her if she thinks that medical students are not getting proper teachers in India. To be a medical professor in India, it’s not enough to be a doctor, but you have to keep up your research work and you must get papers continuously published. The medical profession has the toughest eligibility criteria for teachers, but people believe in sold media or unauthenticated WhatsApp forwards instead of trying to find out the truth.

At 3.00 pm she is out from the lecture and finally headed towards home.

By 4.00 pm after checking on her patients, she is eager to catch a nap before the patients start flooding in her nursing home.

5.30 p.m. – She has had her hour-long power nap. While she is sipping her tea, the girls show her their Homework and tell her about their school day. Since she is in a good mood, Ananya starts building the pitch “Mom, it’s been so long we have gone out. Let’s eat out today. We are already done with our homework”

She reminds her daughter “There are patients lined up already. O.K Let me see, if there is not much rush, we can go later.”

This is not new, because of the evening patients, she rarely gets time to have a nice family outing. Girls are also accustomed to going out after 9 pm, once the patients have all been attended to. 

Manya suggests “We can go to Avengers Endgame, what say? Come on mom, it will be fun. I will book the 9 p.m. show.”

She calls up the reception desk and checks on the number of patients. Luckily, it’s not too much of a rush today. She tells Manya to book the movie tickets. But till then, girls need to be done with their studies. 

6.30 pm

After imparting dinner instructions to her maid, she heads to check the patients. Along with 4 new patients, she checks the patient who wanted to leave early. If all is good with her, she can be discharged tomorrow morning. She finds everything good and tells the nurse to prepare the patient’s discharge papers and inform the patient’s family to complete the discharge formalities by tomorrow morning.

9.00 pm - Family Time ????

The girls come downstairs to the parking for the movie and they head straight away to the theatre. As always, they are late but the girls are happy that they could go out. After reaching the theatre, girls happily grab their favorite snacks and are 30 minutes late but they have started with the movie at least.

10.00 pm

Her phone rings in the middle of the movie and she gets to know that the family of the patient to be discharged tomorrow is creating a scene. On asking about the exact issue, her staff informs that the family wants to take the patient home right now and they say the charges are too much which they will not pay. She instructs the staff to ask them to wait, she will be in the hospital in 10 minutes. 

She has to leave her daughters in the theatre. While her husband drives her back, she wonders what is wrong and remembers when the couple first came to her last year. They had lost 2 babies due to miscarriage and had no hopes of conceiving again. It was then, she gave them hope and started the treatment.  She even prayed for them (as such she always prays before performing all her operations), she strongly believes God to be the ultimate power and with God’s blessings, nothing can go wrong. With careful medicines, continuous examinations the couple got the blessing of conceiving again in 2 months. She was very careful and did everything to avoid a miscarriage this time. All the efforts and prayers succeeded and the lady delivered a healthy baby 2 days back. The patient’s husband and family were so happy that they called her God and tried to even touch her feet, to which she politely replied that we are just the pawns of God, and I am glad to be doing what I do. At that time, they could not stop praising her hard work, humbleness, and elegance. She remembers clearly explaining the costs to the patient's husband and he himself selected the room and services. This is the usual norm. Yet, today they find the costs too high. Why is it that people find it difficult to pay doctors who actually heal them but are ok spending on entertainment? 

With all these thoughts going around, she reaches her nursing home. The patient’s family is waiting and a lady calling herself the patient's Aunt comes to her “Madam, these people are asking for too much money. This is a nursing home; it should not be so costly here. This much we pay in big cities.”

She replies “These are the normal charges all our patients pay; we have not charged anything new or extra to you. I work at ABC hospital too and the charges there are just double. Also, the patient's husband was very well aware of the costs and he himself selected the package. Can you please call him?”

The husband who was probably standing nearby hops in and says “No, I never knew”. 

He is lying to her face; she is in shock and decides it’s better to have a written agreement before delivery. Trust is out of the question with people these days.

After a long series of arguments, she is drained off. She says “Please take the patient home and do not pay anything. Do not come to me for anything going forward”

The family stays for the night. She drives back to the theatre to pick up her daughters, the movie would have ended by now.

12.00 pm - Day Ends (at least for a few hours)

She finally gets to be back in bed for a few hours. until the alarm rings yet again.

These were the 24 hrs of a Doctor’s life. Not even 6 hours of continuous sleep. No compromises on other roles of a teacher, a mother, a wife.

Post Credits:

The family who had a problem with charges sends the husband’s younger brother to talk. She calmly talks to him as well. He thanks her for all she did but stresses that the couple is facing a financial crisis and is really hoping for a concession. She believes yet again and agrees to a small concession. The brother is happy now. He says further “We have just 1 last favor to request”. She is really losing it, if he still cries about the payment. But, to her surprise, he explains “We have this insurance claim of 1.5 lakhs, we would be really obliged if you could approve it.” 

They wanted her to sign an insurance claim of triple the amount of her hospital fee and just acted as if they were paying out of their savings. She still kept her calm and explained that this is wrong, she cannot sign for more than the payment she is receiving and that the amount is very high. But the brother still tries to convince her. Now she very firmly tells him “Sir, there are MCI rules in place, doctors can take fees as per the hospital size and services only. If we ask for more, we can even lose our license. Signing a falsified insurance claim is not only unethical but illegal too. Further, I would like my complete payment without concession. Since your insurance is paying the amount. You should not have a problem being able to afford it. Please deposit the fee today and get the patient discharged.”

She moves out of her clinic.

Isn’t It Time We Reconsider Our Priorities ??? 

Media and society have created an image of doctors as money craving devils. 

Well, the truth is we can pay 500 Rs for a movie but paying the same or even lesser amount to the doctor for our own health is a problem.

We are a society that treats actors(es) like gods(ess) but the real gods amongst us who actually heal us are considered demons. Why? Because, they ask to be paid for their services.

So, what? if they have spent 10 years amidst books and corpses and stinking blood, stinking medicines. 

So, what? if they are 24 hours on duty, (leave getting their beauty sleep, even a 6-hour sleep is a luxury).  

So, what? if they have no family life.

Our situation - We see a Celebrity and we are like “ Shut up and take our money”. 

Life’s highest honor? This photo of me with Madhuri Dixit.

That day Salman Bhai actually waved at me, I bet he was looking at me. 

But bro, you stand in front of his building daily. Haan to I am his biggest fan, it’s not easy to see God, you need to work hard.

My daughter resembles Katrina, just too pretty.

We would happily give our money to a Star whose job requires dressing up, glamming up, partying, and a bit of acting. They entertain us and apparently entertainment is our priority over life.  

Who probably doesn’t even know why the sky is blue, who is our president, or even have a basic life reasoning? And why should they know all this, they earn in millions and live a lavish life even with their ignorance. 

It is ok even if our favorite actor drives over sleeping people on the road. He has all rights. He is God. But not the doctor who just saved my life – because they are asking to be paid for their service.

We will idolize Priyanka Chopra because she is a self-made woman. Well, so is Indira Nooyi, (maybe a better example), but considering their popularity, we have again failed to notice the genius over a pretty face. 

Mr. Amir Khan did mention in Satyamev Jayate “Ventilators are used by doctors just to make money”. I wonder, why the country needs so many ventilators – The money mending machine amidst the Corona Crisis. 

It is high time, we as a society review our priorities and instead of idolizing skin, better idolize the brain. Because Brain is capable of creating something immortal while Skin will just cloth you up and will wrinkle off eventually. 

And, if you still can’t dodge off your decision to curse doctors, you can prioritize investing your money in your security, which is the Indian Army. But yeah, for our very own sake, it’s high time to correct our inverted pyramid and reset our priorities.

[lilyvandersteen]

Puppy Eyes Chapter 13

This is again from Kurt’s point of view, and unbetaed because I’ve been typing ‘till the last minute.

Thank you so much to everyone who sends me feedback - you’re wonderful and you spur me on to keep writing :-)

This story is also on AO3 and on Fanfiction.net.

The other parts can be found here: Prologue - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12

Chapter 13: Near Misses

That very same day, Kurt called his dad and pumped him for information, after assuring him that he was better, yes, and no, Burt didn’t need to fly to New York to come and see him.

He blanched when Burt told him Blaine knew everything. “And I told him he’d better give you an honest chance.”

“Dad!”

“What? He knows you’re in love with him, and the two of you really click, but he’s slow to make a move, and you don’t want to egg him on, so someone has to.”

Kurt sighed.

“Any guy would be lucky to have you,” Burt insisted.

That made Kurt scoff. “Oh yeah, they’re just queuing up to date me.”

“They should! Maybe then Blaine would make a move!”

“Dad…”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve been ill and you’re still tired, I get it. Carole is nagging me to hang up and let you sleep. You rest up and feel better, ‘kay?”

“Okay. Night, Dad.”

K&B

Kurt felt awkward during dinner the next day. As well as he got along with Professor Scher, it was weird to have her over for dinner, and even weirder that she’d been looking after him while he was ill, however much he appreciated it.

Mostly, Kurt let the others talk, and that worked perfectly. They all assumed he was quiet because he was still feeling the effects of the flu he’d had.

Ashton was a laid-back guy with a great sense of humour and a flair for story-telling. They all laughed their heads off when he told the story of how his father, an art critic, and his mother, an art historian, met and hated each other on sight. “Seriously, it’s a miracle they ever got married!”

Trent proved to be a lot nicer than Kurt’s first impression of him had been, way back when he started walking ‘Devon’. Kurt greedily soaked up all the information Trent provided about Blaine, and listened open-mouthed as he told them anecdotes from his years as an ICU nurse.

“The doctor kept prodding her even after she’d told him it really hurt there,” Trent said. “Next thing we knew, she made this weird coughing noise, and the doctor looked up, and she projectile-vomited all over him. And then she turned to him and said, ‘I feel much better now.’ We had a good laugh about that at the nurse’s station later. Served him right!”

“But now you’re working at an art gallery, aren’t you?” Professor Scher asked. “So how did that career switch come about?”

“Well, after a few years, I was totally burnt out. We were short on staff, and each of us had to work for three. And I was so tired ALL THE TIME. Could never get used to working nights. So yeah, one morning when I came home from work, I saw this ‘Help wanted��� notice on the window of Vernon’s gallery, and it seemed like an absolute dream to work there, so I applied and got in, and I never looked back. My dad’s still mad about it, though. All those years of studying for nothing. All that money he paid for it.”

Kurt nodded thoughtfully, thinking of his father’s frown when he’d announced he wanted to study either musical theatre or fashion design. Burt had been a lot more enthusiastic when Kurt chose to sign up for a minor in graphic design.

“All parents are the same, I guess,” he said. “They want their children to study something that guarantees a good, stable, well-paying job. And the arts have a bad rep.”

Ashton nodded. “My mom insisted on me doing a minor in teaching, just so I’d have a back-up career. And I hated every minute of it”

“It might come in useful one day,” said Blaine, and Professor Scher added, “You never know.”

“That’s what my mother said,” Ashton pouted, and everyone laughed.

All in all, the dinner party was a success, and Kurt grinned and nodded when Blaine said, “We need to do this again soon.”

But the best part of his day was Blaine getting into bed with him and holding him close and tight. Kurt smiled as he closed his eyes and started to drift off. Just as he was on the cusp of falling asleep, Blaine kissed the top of his head and murmured, “I’m glad you’re better. I was so worried.”

Kurt’s smile widened, and he slipped into sleep happier than he’d ever felt before.

K&B

True to his word, Blaine invited Trent and Ashton over for dinner the following week, twice even, and the week after again. Soon it became a standing invitation: every Wednesday and every Sunday, the couple joined Kurt and Blaine for dinner.

After a few months, Kurt stopped thinking of Trent and Ashton as Blaine’s friends, and started to consider them his own friends, too. He met up with them for coffee or lunch, went jogging with Trent (and a few dog friends) every other evening and helped Ashton shop for clothes and gifts. In return, Ashton and Trent provided very welcome feedback on Kurt’s design projects both for school and for R/GA.

And then one day Ashton told Kurt that he’d inherited money from an aunt and had been looking to buy a commercial property, because it was Trent’s dream to have a gallery of his own. And would Kurt come along and check out a few properties with Ashton before he brought up the subject with Trent?

Well, of course Kurt would, and he went even further, using his free time the next few weeks to sketch how he envisioned the gallery, and to design a logo for it.

“I’ll do your website, too,” he promised Ashton, “once you start up your business.”

Ashton looked at the sketches and the logo, and beamed. “Thank you! Trent is going to love this so much!”

Trent did love it, and together, he and Ashton chose a property to buy. Then, while Ashton contacted contractors to renovate the building, Trent and Kurt teamed up to pick paint colours, light fixtures, furniture and everything else needed to kit out the future gallery.

Kurt tweaked his sketches according to Trent’s wishes, and grinned ear to ear when Ashton showed them to Blaine the next time he and Trent came over for dinner.

Blaine’s mouth fell open, and he shot Kurt a look he couldn’t really decipher before turning to his friends again and showing the required enthusiasm.

After they’d left, though, it became quite clear what the matter was. Blaine was jealous!

Usually, Blaine would sing and even dance while doing the dishes, but now he sulked and glared at the dishes he was scrubbing until Kurt rolled his eyes and said, “Seriously? You’re mad because I knew about the gallery before they told you?”

The corners of Blaine’s mouth went down, and he mumbled, “They were my friends first!”

Kurt laughed. “Come on, mister! Trent is still your best friend in the whole world. That doesn’t change because he’s now my friend, too. So stop pouting! How old are you, five?”

Blaine’s glower melted away to make room for a glint of mischief, and he flicked some sudsy water in Kurt’s direction. “Five and a half!”

Kurt yelped and then hastened to retaliate. They only stopped their water battle when the floor became so slippery that Kurt almost fell on his bum. Luckily, Blaine caught him just in time. Kurt giggled, because now it looked like they were dancing and Blaine had dipped him. And then Kurt forgot all about his merriment, because yes, that was Blaine glimpsing at Kurt’s lips for a second there. Would he? Would he really?

But Blaine just laughed and righted Kurt, saying, “We’ve made a bit of a mess, haven’t we? Sorry about that. It was fun, though.”

Kurt exhaled shakily and found a rag to wipe the floor with. His heart was still hammering, and it took a long while for it to quiet down.

K&B

For Kurt’s twenty-first birthday, Rachel insisted on throwing him a party at Callbacks. Elliott and Neil and Maizie were invited too. If it had been just an ordinary night out, Kurt would have looked forward to catching up with his friends and singing karaoke. But he knew, he just KNEW they’d want to get him as drunk as a skunk, and he didn’t like that prospect.

He confided his woes to Blaine, telling him about the one time he’d gotten drunk and then vomited all over a teacher’s shoes. “I don’t want that to happen again! And I don’t want to drink so much that I don’t remember anything the day after! Or that I lose my virginity to some random guy!”

Blaine nodded. “I understand.”

Kurt sighed. “I don’t get why people are so obsessed with alcohol. And me drinking it. I don’t like booze. It smells disgusting, it tastes vile, and it makes me puke. I want nothing to do with it, thank you very much.”

“Well, can’t you just tell them so?” Blaine suggested. “They’re your friends!”

Kurt rolled his eyes at Blaine. “They’re just going to tell me to suck it up and not be a party pooper.”

Blaine raised an eyebrow, his mouth a thin line. “They won’t respect your wishes?”

“Not about this, I’m sure. Didn’t your friends do that to you when you turned twenty-one?”

Blaine smiled. “The only friend I had at the time was Trent, and no, he didn’t do that.”

“Lucky you.”

“If you’re worried, I can make sure I’m there,” Blaine offered. “I’ll take Trent and Ashton with me. And as soon as you’re feeling uncomfortable, you come and tell me and I’ll take you home.”

“And if you turn into a dog all of a sudden?”

“Trent will look after me, and Ashton will look after you.

“Oh. Okay. Yes, please.”

The night of the party, Kurt went to Rachel’s loft to dress up to the nines and to pick an outfit for Rachel, too. Then, they both headed to Callbacks to meet their friends.

Once Kurt sat down at their table, his eyes roved over the crowd until he found Blaine, who smiled and winked at him. Kurt instantly felt better.

The party started with everyone taking turns singing karaoke. Kurt drank a diet coke, clapped and smiled and sang duets with Rachel and Elliott, and started to relax. Perhaps he could have a nice night out without being forced to do something he didn’t want.

But then more friends of Kurt’s turned up, out of the blue, among them Santana, and the first thing she did once she’d plopped down next to Kurt was sniff his drink and then taste it. “Porcelain, this is just coke. Why aren’t you doing shots? It’s your twenty-first birthday! Hey, bar tender, a round of shots for all of us!”

She collected the shot glasses the bar tender shoved at her and distributed them, slamming one into Kurt’s hand and shouting, “Bottom’s up!”

Kurt shot a frantic look at Blaine, who nodded at him and went up to the stage to sing a song. At first, Kurt didn’t understand how that could possibly help, but as usual, he couldn’t keep his eyes off Blaine, and when Blaine started singing, the corners of Kurt’s mouth turned up of their own accord.

As soon as everyone noticed his dopey grin, they followed his gaze to the stage, and his college friends smirked when they saw Blaine, and happily enlightened the others about Kurt’s humongous crush.

Kurt let them laugh and mock to their heart’s content, and used their distraction to exchange his full shot glass for an empty one. Brilliant, Blaine! Thank you!

When Blaine went back to his table, after a beautiful rendition of Teenage Dream that had Kurt’s heart twitterpating, Santana fixed Kurt with an intense stare, and he braced himself for what was coming.

“So you’re into Dapper Dan over there? Tell you what, Lady Lips, I’ll stop bugging you about drinking your weight in alcohol if you walk up to him right now and ask him to dance. And don’t worry, he doesn’t even have to take you up on the offer!”

The whole table laughed, and then they shouted encouragement at Kurt. “You can do this!” “Come on, Kurt, the worst that can happen is that he says no.” “Maybe he will dance with you, he’s such a sweetheart!” “You should try, I totes saw him looking at you during the song.”

So Kurt got up, made his way to Blaine’s table, and tapped the man on his shoulder. Blaine turned his head so fast it must have given him a crick in his neck, and looked concerned when he saw that it was Kurt. “Everything okay?”

Kurt smiled. “Santana dared me to ask you to dance. So, would you do me the honour?”

Kurt held out his hand, threw his shoulders back and put his poker face on. If Blaine said no, there was no harm done. He’d asked, so Santana had to leave him alone. But he really, really wanted Blaine to say yes.

Blaine stood up and took Kurt’s hand, to loud cheering from Kurt’s table. Up on stage, a girl was now crooning an Ed Sheeran song, soft and sweet. Kurt put his other hand on Blaine’s shoulder, felt Blaine splay his hand on his back, and started to slowly sway to the music. He was sure he was smiling like a fool again, but he so didn’t care. This felt amazing.

“Why did you take her up on that dare?” Blaine whispered, and when Kurt explained, he laughed. “I’m glad me being here helped!”

“Me too,” Kurt breathed, wishing that he could step a bit closer and feel Blaine against him. But there were too many eyes on him right now, so he kept a respectful distance.

Blaine leaned in a little. “You look amazing, by the way. That waistcoat is gorgeous, and it really brings out your eyes.”

Kurt’s cheeks heated up, and his lips felt dry as the desert all of a sudden, so he moistened them. Blaine’s eyes flicked down, and he moved a bit closer still.

Kurt tuned out everything around him and closed his eyes.

And then somebody bumped into him, hard, and a cold liquid hit his neck and trickled down his back, seeping into his clothes. His eyes flew open and he turned around, seeing a drunk girl who could barely stay upright, holding an empty martini glass.

The girl giggled and slurred a sorry, making her way to the bar again.

Kurt shivered, and Blaine was instantly there, soothing and offering help. “Do you want my jacket?”

Kurt shook his head. “I think I’m calling it a night. Thanks for the dance.”

He went to his table again, where he got congratulations and claps on the back, but all he said was, “I’m going to head out. I don’t know what she spilled on me, but I’m cold and gross, and I want to shower and treat my clothes for stains.”

Everyone nodded. Even Santana didn’t put up a protest. She only said, “I bet you’re glad I dared you, though. You’ve got game, Porcelain! You got your dance!”

Kurt grinned at her.

“Oh no, now his crush is gonna get even worse!” Neil moaned.

Elliott scoffed. “Like it could get any worse.”

“True, that.”

The whole table laughed again, and Kurt made his escape, the glowing ember of that dance keeping him warm until he got home.

K&B

Early July, the wedding invitation arrived, and Kurt was happily surprised to see his name on the envelope as well. “I get to come, too?”

Blaine grinned. “Of course you do. You’ve been best buds with Trent for months now. Also, you’re the back-up best man in case I turn into a dog!”

Kurt grinned back, and started planning his outfit.

The weather was perfect that day – sunny, but not too hot. The ceremony was beautiful, and Kurt teared up when Trent and Ashton exchanged vows, wishing fiercely that one day, it would be him standing there with Blaine. Not much chance of that, but he could hope, right?

Blaine was as affectionate and attentive as ever, offering Kurt a handkerchief when he cried, holding his hand in church and putting his arm around Kurt’s waist during the reception. Kurt’s nerve endings buzzed, and his smile worked overtime when the other wedding guests all took him for Blaine’s boyfriend, and Blaine didn’t correct them. Not once.

After dinner, Ashton announced that he had a surprise for his husband, and brought everyone to the garden. The surprise was a fireworks display. However spectacular it was, though, Kurt found himself distracted by Blaine hugging him from behind, hooking his chin over Kurt’s shoulder and whispering in his ear. Kurt so wanted to turn around and kiss him, but he knew the initiative had to come from Blaine.

When everyone went back inside, though, Kurt told Blaine he wanted to stay in the garden for a bit. He needed to get himself together again. Blaine, instead of leaving Kurt to his thoughts, stayed with him, and danced dorkily to the music until Kurt had a giggle fit.

And then Blaine asked Kurt to dance, and it was magical, swaying slowly among the flowers and under the stars. Kurt never wanted it to end, and drew nearer to Blaine of his own accord after the dance was over.

He gazed into Blaine’s eyes, and Blaine looked back, his eyes dark and his expression awed. Blaine circled Kurt’s waist and tugged him a bit closer still, and Kurt went willingly, closing his eyes and puckering up, because this was it, surely?

But there was no soft pressure on his lips, and Blaine let go of him, and then he let out… a whine?

Kurt’s eyes flew open, and he cursed when he saw Blaine had been turned into a dog again. Really? Now? Did Mr Zakharov sense Blaine was close to breaking the spell and did he want to stop that from happening?

Grumbling under his breath, Kurt took Blaine’s collar and leash out of his pocket and put it on. He collected Blaine’s clothes and folded them, then sent Trent and Ashton a text to tell them what had happened and headed home.

That night, when he got into bed, cuddling up to Blaine in his dog form, he was still grumpy. So close. I was so close! Not fair.

K&B

A new schoolyear started, and a few weeks before Christmas break, Professor Scher announced that she was going to invite Sebastian from R/GA to talk to all the students that were graduating that year about the job opportunities open to them in the field.

Kurt, who had by now seen Sebastian in action several times, flirting and harassing his colleagues at R/GA, wasn’t very pleased about this development. Would Sebastian still be interested in Blaine?

That Friday, he got answer. Yes, Sebastian was still interested, laying it on thicker than ever around Blaine, who blushed up a storm and lowered his eyes to look at Sebastian from under his lashes. Whether Blaine was flattered or just embarrassed, Kurt couldn’t tell, but the interaction made him simmer with rage.

After the wedding, Blaine hadn’t made any more overtures towards Kurt, and Kurt didn’t dare bring up the subject, though he viciously shut off the radio any time “You Can’t Hurry Love” played. Almost a year had passed, and what did he have to show for it? He and Blaine had grown closer, yes, undoubtedly, but any time he thought Blaine was about to kiss him, Blaine was scared back into his shell by circumstances. It was frustrating beyond belief. And now Mr Slimy McSlimeball thought he could charm his way into Blaine’s pants and ruin Kurt’s life? Ugh. Infuriating!

Kurt heard Sebastian invite both Professor Scher and Blaine to R/GA’s Christmas party on the 23rd, bragging about all the big names that would be present. Kurt had been invited too, but like last year, he didn’t want to go without Blaine and leave him alone all night, nor did he want to take Blaine along and watch Sebastian hit on him. It seemed like that choice was taken away from him, though. Both professors accepted the invitation eagerly, and there was no way Kurt would stay at home while Blaine was out being seduced by Mr Sleaze Extraordinaire!

That evening, when Blaine rambled on and on about the famous people he’d be meeting at the R/GA party, Kurt just nodded, and as soon as he could get a word in edgeways, he said drily that he’d be going too. “Ellie invited me months ago.”

Blaine seemed taken aback for a second, and then beamed, “That’s right! You work there! This is going to be so great!”

Kurt didn’t react to that statement, choosing instead to clear the table and carry the dishes to the sink. He may have set them down somewhat harder than usual, but Blaine, chattering excitedly again, never even noticed.

So great, huh? I hope Blaine’s right, but I have a bad feeling about that party. I think it’s a recipe for disaster.

[muselin]

After Dark Part 1

Writer’s Tree wish from: @justjen523​

Prompt: MC is hiding a secret from the gods. She has a second job as an exotic dancer! Suspicious when she starts acting a little differently, the gods find out she has a night job and unexpectedly show up at her work! Yup, all twelve!

Rating: M for Part 1, E for Part 2 (coming soon)

Warnings: manipulation, extremely dubious concent, Dark!Zyglavis (in this part)

Notes: This is by far the hardest thing I’ve had to write in terms of circumstances. This fic was written while I was battling illness, travelled for 2 days straight, it was written on a bus, on a train, in a hotel and on a plane. It got away from me completely and I had to split it into two. So enjoy!

First song: Policy of Truth by Depeche Mode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBw6Kmieehc

Second song: Black Mambo by Glass Animals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0IOYcKgfJQ

It was ridiculous, really, but I had long since stopped thinking about it.

In the dim neon lights of the backstage space, I was hastily shrugging off the button-down shirt of my uniform from the planetarium and adding a lot more eyeshadow to my light makeup that I'd worn during the day. I rummaged through the hangers and I pulled out a black strappy number with a matched set of panties and a bra. Sometimes I spiced it up but this was my go-to outfit for my second job most nights.

What's a girl to do? Juggling rent in downtown Tokyo, a starting-salary job and a master's degree in astronomy just didn't leave much choice. All the bartending jobs seemed to be taken and waitressing, making coffee or tending shop really wasn't going to cut it. If anyone back home knew what my dance background was coming in handy for, they'd be picking up their jaws from the floor.

In Shinjuku, where the city never slept and the neon lights were always on, I danced for money. And yeah, I also took my clothes off. That had been the reality of my Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights since last year.

And the gods always wondered why I never stayed for dinner on the weekends...

They didn't know, of course. I felt safe in that knowledge as I queued with the other girls behind the curtain waiting for the music to start. The beat started pumping in my ears and I set my inhibitions aside for the rest of the night. I did my job, performed my routine, the men cheered and whistled and put money in my little belt which rested on my hips.

It was a decent night, I made a good amount, I thought as I headed backstage at the end of the night. Little did I know, a tall male figure dressed in white had been watching me the whole night. Could have been the lights or a dye job, but his hair seemed pink.

 ***

 "Partheno. Parthenoooo!"

"Oi, asshole, wake the fuck up!"

"Aww, be nice, maybe he's dreaming about our goddess, right, Partheno?"

Partheno had been a thousand miles away but at the mention of the goddess his head snapped back up.

"Hmm? Oh sorry, you were saying something about me and Ichthys working on Earth tomorrow," he said, trying to seem like he was in the loop.

"Partheno, that was nine minutes ago. Good to know that for the short time that you were actually listening you retained something," Zyglavis commented, his brows furrowed in annoyance. "It isn't like you to be so distracted during meetings, is there anything you wish to share?"

Partheno thought for a second.

"No, nothing at all. I apologise. Please, carry on."

The meeting continued and Partheno paid careful attention to not letting his thoughts drift back to last night again. He'd never ever thought he'd see their beloved goddess the way he'd seen her last night except in his dreams, but it seemed to be reality. He felt an unusual flutter in his chest when he thought about her upcoming visit to the mansion tonight for the monthly get-together.

 ***

 It was a pleasant evening spent eating and drinking, laughing and talking. I loved being around all the gods and I always made an effort to bring a big basket with their favourite goodies whenever we got together like this: taiyaki for Ichthys, home-made cherry pie for Dui, a pot of curry for Karno and a plate of meatballs in tomato sauce for Leon, rabbit apples for Scorpio (he  never said thanks but he always blushed), some chocolate ganache cake for Zyglavis, milk and cookies for Teorus and Partheno, vanilla ice cream with marshmallows for Krioff and Aigo and a bottle of a good vintage wine for Huedhaut and Tauxolouve.

As the evening wound down, I tried to push down the uneasiness that came over me whenever I met Partheno's eyes. Something was off with him tonight. He was always flirtatious and chatty, winking and smiling at me, but tonight he was quiet and the look in his eyes was different. It was serious, intense, and he'd barely spoken two words to me. I didn't have time to linger on this as I needed to get home early tonight. I was facing a busy Friday shift at the planetarium and at my second job. How ironic that the club I worked at was called "Gate to Heaven"... Ugh. As if.

 ***

 After the reincarnated goddess of fate bid all the gods goodnight, Partheno quietly pulled Tauxolouve aside. While the rest of the gods were tidying up from their feast, the gods of Virgo and Sagittarius spoke in hushed tones, both of their usual charming and smiling expressions replaced by serious and brooding ones.

"We should tell them," Partheno said to Tauxolouve in the end.

"You think so? You know how badly some of them will react... When you and I were born these things weren't considered disreputable, but everyone else knows humans as far more closed-minded. Zyglavis will be the worst, he was born in the human Dark Ages," Tauxolouve looked up at him, hesitant.

"I know but they're not stupid, they know something's up," Partheno sighed. "This was never such a problem way back in Egypt, remember? Where did we go wrong," he chuckled bitterly.

"Yeah, I know," Tauxolouve also smiled crookedly. "Alright, we'll tell them. I'll arrange everything with Wishes, you take care of Punishments."

Partheno nodded, a quiet determination shining in his rose-coloured eyes.

 ***

 I was on stage, in my white flowy dress tonight. Our routine was tame until 11 at night, when the dresses dropped and by midnight - everything else. The song changed, signifying 11 o'clock, and I made my way to the central area where the poles were mounted. I grabbed the middle one and spun effortlessly, my dress flowing behind me.

 I turned my back to the crowd, swaying my hips to the rhythm. I tried not to think of anything as I reached for the zipper at the back of my dress. I made a show of pulling it down, going slowly and revealing every inch of skin sensually, aiming to entice. Eventually my dress dropped to the floor and I finished the rest of the song. It changed again after and they announced the portion of the evening where the booths could be booked for private dances.

 No sooner had I got off the stage than my manager found me.

"Sweetie, you already have your first booking for the night. You have a big party of twelve in the VIP booths. Actually they booked it out until closing time, so be nice to them. They look a bit odd, not sure if they're doing a bachelor party or if they're military or whatever, but they're all really good-looking. Try not to fall for any of 'em, okay?"

My manager laughed at the end and I thanked him. I headed towards the bar to pick up two bottles of champagne, as was customary to bring to an all-night booking. Two in one hand and a tray of twelve small champagne glasses in the other, I carefully balanced them on my way to the VIP rooms. I knocked on the door with my stiletto since my hands were busy and I waited. When the door opened, I nearly dropped the tray.

"P-Partheno?! Lou?! What the hell are you doing here?? This isn't funny!"

I was livid and mortified at the same time, my face going bright red as I stood in nothing but a sparkly red  set of underwear and bra, unable to cover myself with the champagne and glasses in both my hands.

"Please, hear us out. It isn't what you think. All twelve of us are here," Partheno said, sounding serious for once.

"All of you?? How? Why?!"

"Partheno was here for work last night. Apparently one of the patrons was getting far too touchy with one of your co-workers here and he had a punishment coming. That's how Partheno found out you work here."

Tauxolouve's smooth, matter-of-fact tone calmed me down somewhat.

"We decided to tell the others. We wanted to bring them here so you would get a chance to explain and we can help you. The others would have found out eventually. As the former goddess ofof fate you tend to attract people who need divine intervention, so it would have been just a matter of time," Partheno explained.

I was looking at the floor in embarrassment but I knew Partheno was right. I looked up at him and Tauxolouve pleadingly.

"What am I going to do? I can barely face you two, let alone everyone else..."

"Listen, we aren't judging you," Tauxolouve said gently, taking the bottles of champagne from me. "Partheno and I were born in the times where what you do here was considered an art form of the highest esteem and women like you were among the most adored and respected."

"Yes, Lou and I have nothing but respect for you, despite the fact that you lied to all of us and hid this second occupation of yours from us. Please, come in with us and let us do most of the talking."

Partheno's urging made me seriously consider their offer. He took the tray of glasses from me as I stared at the floor, biting my lip.

"Partheno... I'm scared," I said, looking up at him. I felt like I could trust him and Lou for once, they were both being incredibly mature and not at all lewd about this. Even though I was dressed like a trained seductress, I felt like a frightened little girl inside. Lou put his hand on my shoulder, the warmth of his fingers soothing me as he caressed me comfortingly.

"We won't let anyone say anything hurtful to you, I promise you'll be okay."

Partheno took my chin in his elegant fingers and turned my face delicately towards him.

"If it helps, you look absolutely stunning. If anything, they'll be smitten if you keep doing what you do. Leave your worries behind and play the role like you do each night."

I straightened up then and took a deep breath. This was something I knew how to do. I didn't hate my job, after all. I put a lot of effort into crafting this image of grace and allure that I wore when I worked. I put a small but confident smile on my face and nodded to the two gods, then we opened the doors to the VIP room and walked in together.

Sure enough, all the gods were there, scattered in the various plush chairs around the room. I scanned them one by one.

They all wore different expressions. Dui and Aigo seemed relaxed enough, but were warily glancing towards the other gods in room, as if checking on them. Ichthys and Teorus sat next to each other, with Teorus beaming his princely smile at me when I walked in and Ichthys giving me his own small smile as well. Scorpio and Krioff sat together, mirroring each other in their cross-armed, closed off postures. They had both been frowning, but Scorpio blushed and looked away when I walked in whereas Krioff's face was the picture of surprise. His arms unfolded to rest in his lap as he looked at me, eyes scanning my form quickly before they came back to my face and lingered there. Hue sat at the far end of the room, hands clasped in front of him. His face was unreadable as usual but he met my eyes briefly, seeming curious more than anything. Karno sat nearby, legs crossed and his foot tapped lightly. He seemed nervous somehow but he made an effort to acknowledge me, nodding at me quickly before looking away nervously.

If I wasn't blushing before, I sure was when I finally saw Leon and Zyglavis. They were the only ones not sitting. Leon was leaning against the wall cross-armed, his face seeming displeased. Close to him stood Zyglavis, hands clenched at his sides and an equally displeased expression on his face. Leon looked me in the eyes, his frown unchanged, but Zyglavis didn't even acknowledge me.

Lou spoke first.

"Alright, now that we're all here, let's--"

"What I want to know is, goldfish, how you thought you could lie to us and get away with it," Leon interrupted harshly.

"So much for one at a time..." Partheno sighed.

I swallowed thickly and tried to speak as calmly as possible.

"I didn't want to lie to you all but I suppose I felt ashamed. I didn't want you all to see me in this light." I looked at Partheno and Lou for reassurance."And also, in this time, women with jobs like mine aren't very respected."

"She has a point," Huedhaut spoke. "She may have lied, but her work is her own business and she does not owe us a full report on every single detail of her life. We can't blame her for wanting to protect herself from judgment."

"I can see that. I may not get why she's doin' this type of work but I get not wanting to be judged," Krioff said to my surprise.

"You all seem to forget that her life and all of ours are intertwined! She can't be out presenting herself to men and risking being groped or raped or worse!" Leon's booming voice filled the room, the anger in it startling me.

"Not that I agree with that stupid lion, but she's riskin' too much like this," Scorpio grumbled.

"Look, I get that you guys are concerned, but we do have security here...", I said quietly.

"Oh? Is this why Partheno had to intervene in this very place but a mere night ago?"

Zyglavis's voice was like ice when he finally spoke. The room was silent, the tension unpleasantly palpable. Who would have thought that he and Leon would be on the same page about this...

"That's true, which is exactly why we don't need to make a big deal out of this," Tauxolouve broached carefully, "Her life is linked to ours, that's why we'll always know if there's any danger. Partheno and I didn't tell you all so you would judge her. He and I are the oldest ones here. The rest of you may not remember, but it wasn't always like this for female exotic dancers."

"That's right. Their craft was revered in ancient times and there were none of the prejudices these performers face today," Partheno added. "We ask you to find the beauty in this, and not to worry about her safety," he smirked in his usual way, finally. "If you still have concerns, Lou and I would be more than happy to take turns watching over our goddess when she's performing."

"It is a very appealing performance," Karno spoke sweetly.

"Absolutely, she does look magnificent like this," Teorus agreed.

"Yeah, I'd sooo hate it if you had to quit just 'cause Zig and Leon don't approve," Ichthys said. "If you stay, we have a reasom to come visit you at work!"

"That could be quite fun," Dui's sweet voice added to the mix, his face innocently smiling as his eyes crinkled at the corners.

"These chairs are really comfy. I wouldn't mind coming here again, especially if you're around," Aigo said lazily, resting his head against the back of the chair as he looked at me.

"Tch... Whatever."

Scorpio appeared annoyed but I knew by now that this was his reluctant way of agreeing.

Zyglavis and Leon, however, still wore their stormy expressions, seemingly not swayed by the approval of their subordinates.

"I cannot believe that all of you are condoning this," Zyglavis said in the end and turned on his heel, storming out of the VIP room.

My heart sank. If the Ministers were so opposed to this, I knew that there was a chance they'd force me to quit this job.

Leon seemed somewhat taken aback by Zyglavis's exit and his face was an unreadable canvas of emotions.

"I've heard enough. All of you, leave. I want a word with the goldfish," he said, his tone not tolerating objection.

The gods looked amongst themselves and slowly stood up, filtering out of the room one by one. Partheno and Tauxolouve nodded at me reassuringly before they exited as well.

Left in an uncomfortable silence alone with Leon, I occupied myself with the only thing I could. I popped open the bottle of champagne and poured two glasses. I offered one to Leon wordlessly and he grimaced but accepted.

"Cheap and tasteless," his verdict was when he took a sip.

"Sorry, I don't have anything else," I said, feeling a need to apologise.

"Never mind that. Tell me the real reason you're working here," he said, his eyes piercing me.

"The truth? I need the money. The planetarium isn't enough yet, I couldn't find anything else, and I danced for a long time when I was younger, so this was an easy option."

"So you're used to performing?"

"Yes. It's easy for me to create an illusion for an audience," I said.

"Hm." Leon left his spot by the wall and came up to me. Glass of champagne in one hand, he caressed my shoulder with the other, fingers slipping under one of my sparkly bra straps.

"You'd look better in a gown befitting a goddess. Or in nothing at all."

Was that a compliment? If it was it didn't sound that way.

"Are you happy doing this? Would you not accept any help from us?", he asked, even though he knew what my answer would be.

"I'm okay with this. I don't have long before I finish my studies and can have a higher position at the planetarium but I want to do it on my own. If I'm going to be curator one day, I want to know that it was something I achieved for myself."

I looked into Leon's eyes, urging him to understand. I knew what he'd gone through as he'd risen through the ranks to become Minister.

"I understand, goldfish," he said softly, leaning in a bit closer as his hand went to stroke my cheek gently. "I don't like other men looking at you like this but I can see that you're determined enough to even lie to us in order to get to where you want to be by yourself."

"What about Zyglavis," I asked anxiously.

"Just give him time," Leon sighed, rolling his eyes. He leaned in closer and placed a kiss on my forehead. He drew back, eyes shining with something I couldn't place. I was suprised and said nothing, waiting for him to provide clarity. But he didn't. Instead he kissed my temple, my cheek, my jaw and then his head dipped lower as he kissed my neck.

Tingles of pleasure started coursing through me but I knew he wasn't using his power. His scent, refined and alluring, enveloped me and drew me in.

"Leon...what are you..."

"Shh, just let me have this," he whispered in my ear, then kissing just underneath. His tender kisses made me feel warm all over and my arms embraced him on their own.

But he didn't go any further. He drew back and looked at me again, a gentleness in his eyes that I hadn't seen before.

"You're beautiful. Don't let anyone take advantage of you," he said, then reached and took my arms from around his neck. He didn't say anything more, he just turned and left quietly through the door, pausing only to leave his glass on the tray.

I stood frozen in place, my mind racing with excitement and worry over  everything that happened. I considered just going home since I knew the gods had paid off the rest of my time for the night, but I didn't get to dwell on that because the door to the room opened again.

I whipped around and my eyes met stern silver ones.

"Zyglavis... I thought you left..."

Zyglavis made his way to one of the chairs and sat down without a word. When he did, he made a theatrical gesture with his hand.

"What.." my voice trailed off.

"Go ahead," he said.

When I kept looking at him puzzled, he spoke again.

"Go ahead. Show me what you do. I want to see it for myself."

"What?! I.. I can't do that," I stuttered awkwardly. Surely he didn't expect me to dance for him??

"You can and you will. I want to see it for myself. I want to understand what it is I'm missing. So show me."

Holy shit, he was really serious about this. I fidgeted nervously.

"Are you sure?"

"I believe I made myself perfectly clear. Show me what you do. I want to see what a patron here would see."

"Alright...," I cleared my throat. "Then I guess I have to tell you the rules."

"I'm listening."

He definitely was, his silver eyes fixed on mine.

"You get two songs. When the songs are over I leave. I'm allowed to touch you but you can't touch me unless I allow it. If you touch me without my permission I will ask you to stop. If you do it again, I will leave the room and call security."

"Understood."

"Do you have any specific song requests? If we have it we could play it for you."

"No. I will leave the choice of song up to you."

"Alright. Then I'll just... get everything started I guess."

Holy shit, this was really happening. I was about to give a freaking lap dance to the Minister of Punishments... I took deep breaths, trying to steady myself. It's okay, it's gonna be fine... He may be the Minister out there, but in here, he had to follow my rules. Here, I was the goddess and he was the commoner.

With those thoughts in mind, I switched on the music and took my position in front of him. I cleared my mind as best as I could, focusing only on the rhythm of the music and on the movements of my muscles. It was an old electronic beat but it filled the room and it all seemed to merge together into one singular feeling. The black and dark red leather of the seats and the walls, the hazy lights, the smooth sounds of the song, Zyglavis sitting and watching me, his expression impossible to read, my heart pumping steadily in my chest, my heels being cushioned silently by the carpet, softening my step...

You had something to hide

Should have hidden it, shouldn't you

Now you're not satisfied

With what you're being put through...

I'd picked a tame song that still had a good rhythm I could dance to. I wanted Zyglavis to see the beauty of what I did, not the degradation. I moved smoothly in front of him, my practiced look already in place. It was working, he wasn't the scary Minister anymore in my mind.

Things could be so different now

It used to be so civilised

You will always wonder how

It could have been if you'd only lied...

I swayed my hips to the rhythm in seductive figure 8s as my hands went to my hair on instinct. I walked around Zyglavis, an extra swing in my step, one foot after the other on each beat. As I passed behind him, I dragged my fingers across the back of the chair, brushing against his ponytail with the faintest touch. It was softer than I thought it would be. I smiled to myself while he couldn't see me, my confident expression back in place when I circled back in front of him.

It's too late to change events

It's time to face the consequence

For delivering the proof

In the policy of truth...

My hips continued to follow their curved paths as I ran my hands along my body. I watched his eyes waver and follow my hands, dropping rom my face to my chest, along my stomach, to my hips, down my thighs... There was no hiding it, I'd shaken him. A shiver of excitement ran through me and I put extra effort into my performance. Deeper curve to my spine, pushed out my chest and let my head fall back as I moved my body like a wave, making a wide circle with my hips at the end.

Now you're standing there tongue tied

You'd better learn your lesson well

Hide what you have to hide

And tell what you have to tell...

Zyglavis's lips had set into a clenched line, his eyes following my every move. I looked back, teasing him, showing him what he was missing. It was all a game, to get him to imagine it was his hands touching my skin instead of my own, to get him to imagine how soft my body would be, how it would feel pressed against him. Even though I didn't think of myself that way, in that moment I had to believe what I was selling, that I was the sexiest woman in the whole building. The more I watched Zyglavis lose control over his facade, the more I believed it. In a surge of confidence, I walked up closer to him, my hips following an inverted figure 8 as I dropped slowly down onto my knees in front of him.

Never again

Is what you swore

The time before...

I gently placed my hands on his crossed legs and he uncrossed them for me without being asked. I didn't have to push as I guided him to spread them apart enough for me to fit between them. I didn't know why, but while his face remained stoic, his body wasn't so tight anymore. Supporting myself with my hands on his knees, I rose up, arching my body towards him invitingly before I made a show of turning with my back to him, arching my back and edging my hips out.

The lightest touch, but I felt it. His fingers ghosting along the curve of my waist.

"Can I touch you?"

His deep voice was nearly a whisper, sending a jolt of heat through my body. He'd given in to curiosity which was exactly what I wanted.

"Yes," I answered, my voice rasping as it caught in my throat.

The song drew to a close, the end of it merging with the beginning of the next one. Slower, softer, more intimate. I hadn't planned it that way but I suppose it worked out better like this.

Slow down

It's a science

He's been waiting

To bring you down...

I let his fingers caress me, light as a feather, and I ignored how good they felt. I wasn't finished yet but he was definitely making it hard to keep my cool. I lowered myself down, reaching behind me to grasp the chair for support as I allowed my body to glide along the front of his. His face was so close... It was exhilarating to be this close to him. I was used to Leon's closeness and overpowering presence but this was different. Zyglavis never let anyone this close.

Snake-eyed

With a sly smile

He can hold you

And shake you, child...

Zyglavis's grip suddenly became tight on my hips and he forced me to sit down on his thigh, his other hand reaching up to wind in my hair and he pulled roughly, bringing my body flush with his.

"Can you still dance now?"

What? I didn't know what he wanted from me but I planted my heels firmly on the floor and surged upward, standing upright and out of his hands.

Wanna play cheat now, says the sloth

A domino flush to his nose...

I looked at him, not quite concealing the anger in my eyes. My movements took on a sharp edge, no longer the smooth, sinuous dance from before. If he wanted rough, I would give him rough. I walked back up to him and put my heel in between his legs, resting in on the chair. Compromised. Better not make me angry if you don't want to get kicked just there. I reached for his ponytail, winding it around my hand and I pulled, his body rolling forward to follow, and I reached behind me with my other hand. I undid the clasp to my bra, my embarrassment long forgotten. He wanted to see what a patron would see.

I released him when his face was in front of my chest. His eyes held an even more dangerous glint than before but I felt safe. He knew the rules, he wasn't going to break them. I brought one of his hands up to my shoulder and hooked his finger in the loosened bra strap. Would he have the guts?

Tickle that cheek

And take your throne

Pump your veins

With gushing gold...

I'd read him wrong... He ripped my bra off me with a sharp motion. I took a step back, barely concealing my shock. But he didn't stop there. He grabbed me by my hips and suddenly I was straddling  his lap.

"That's against the rules," I said, my voice a timid whisper.

"Rules matter little in a place like this," he replied, a cruel smirk forming on his lips. I was scared but he was so frustratingly distracting and gorgeous up close that I couldn't bring myself to leave.

"Zyglavis..."

His lips attacked my neck, teeth nipping at my skin and his tongue soothing the bites afterward. What I lie it would have been to say I hated it...

Slow down it's a science

He's been waiting

To bring you down...

His lips suckled up  to my ear, his breath tickling as he whispered to me, "So this is what you do here? Playing with desire, stoking and teasing weak-willed men until they're putty in your hands?"

"Ahh... No one's ever dared to touch me like you're doing now," I breathed.

"Damned right," he growled and pulled me roughly to him, his lips crashing against mine. His hand palmed my bared breasts, squeezing one and then the other. My mind was drawing a blank. My body was betraying me, yielding to him while my mind couldn't fathom how or why this was happening. Was this why Zyglavis was so uptight all the time? Was temptation his weakness? Or was it that for all his discipline he actually lacked self-control?

"This is your last night here," he said when his lips parted from mine. "From now on you will only dance for me."

I didn't get a chance to object because his lips claimed mine again, his tongue slipping between my lips and forcing mine into submission. He was the Minister of Punishments again and now I had it coming.

"But first, I'll have to punish you. I don't appreciate being lied to," he said, his dangerous smile widening. I was at his mercy now...

He pushed me to my knees on the floor between his spread legs and reached for his belt.

"Partheno mentioned that some of the dancers here provide additional services which overlap another profession, for a higher fee."

Indignation bubbled in my chest. Is that what he took me for??

"How dare you?! I've never done that! I will never have sex for money!"

"Exactly," he smirked. "You'll do it for free. And in return I'll waive your punishment for lying to the entire pantheon of Zodiac gods."

[jspernst-blog]

[ THIS IS QUEUED -- i’m most likely still sleeping ] mic check one two, is this thing working?? hi hey hello, i’m bunny -- i’m currently an unemployed, lazy twenty-three year old, and i go by she/her pronouns. i’m so excited to be here and i can’t wait to read all about the characters in this group, as well as write with you all! here’s my son, jasper -- he’s a new contradicting muse, so i’m still working bits and bobs for him. under the cut are some information about him, and i just want to apologize how shitty they’re written and how carried away i got. they’re literally word vomit tbh lmao dfhiaud i probably forgot a few things to add but that’s okie dokes!

anyway, if you’d like to plot, don’t hesitate to message me or you can like this and i’ll pop into your ims!! just a heads up that i get excited easily, and i tend to go wild with hcs when i plot so tell me to stop whenever you get annoyed please iuhdfiusdhfusd

hold on a second — is that BLAKE STEVEN i saw working on the sunny bay ship recently? oh wait, i was mistaken as it was actually JASPER ERNST, a CISMALE who is TWENTY-THREE years old and is an intern as a SINGER. i heard when they’re not on the ship they’re studying MUSIC INDUSTRY MANAGEMENT AND ARTIST DEVELOPMENT which sounds pretty awesome! they are often described by their friends as QUICK-WITTED and DEBONAIR but also RETICENT and VOLATILE which means they are often labelled as THE FERVOUR. i can’t wait to see what they have to offer on the ship!

CHARACTER INFORMATION —

TW: DEATH MENTION, DROWNING

001. BASICS / Jasper Harris Ernst, twenty-three, Australian-German, born and raised in Melbourne, Australia. Currently studying Music Industry Management and Artist Development; aesthetically (both vibe and music) a mixture of Alex Turner from the Arctic Monkeys and Jesse Rutherford – his voice sounding similar to the latter

002. FAMILY BACKGROUND / Born and raised in Melbourne, Australia, Jasper’s parents grew up together in the same neighborhood and were the perfect example of childhood best friends turned into lovers. Both Australian (his father being half German), they had their own complicated, rollercoaster-like timeline of growing up together and watching the other fall in and out of love with other people; only to realize they’ve been emotionally unavailable for one another upon reaching the end of their college year. They eventually tied the knot after their university years, building up their perfect and small-knitted family together - creating a family of three (excluding small numbers of extended families). While they weren’t exactly filthy rich, and though money was tight on certain days, the three of them lived happily and comfortably together with the love they surrounded themselves by. They were pretty much the average family on the street and share an awfully close bond with their extended families which can be quite troublesome and dramatic at times.

003. AN ABRUPT CHANGE FROM PERFECT ( DEATH MENTION TW) / Valentine’s Day is nothing but a curse to Jasper Ernst, for the meaning and the word “perfect” to describe the life he was living in, dissolved and erased itself from his vocabulary on February 14. He was with his grandparents on the night it all happened – his head tilted upwards, his wide eyes no longer on the building blocks and his enormous Hot Wheels collection; but instead, it was on the eyes that reflected admiration and care, as well as the wholehearted smiles that managed to brighten the features of his grandparents who were still ridiculously madly in love for one another at an age like theirs. Their shadows hovered above the surface of the carpet he was sitting on as they danced to Frank Sinatra’s Fly Me To The Moon. Jasper, despite being just five, was sure of himself that he knew what the word “Love” meant that night; nevermind the cooties, Frank Sinatra (the one name that took him almost a week or two to properly and correctly pronounce) must have to know what he was talking about when he sang his heart out about wanting to hold hands and kiss – at least, his grandfather did (very poorly, but sweetly) to the love of his life, which was close enough in his opinion. But happiness, that night especially, didn’t last.

Bright smiles on faces were replaced with loud cries and a sorry police officer at the front door of Jasper’s grandparent’s house. They were rushing to the hospital before he knew it, phone calls were made on their way there – one that was awfully hard to understand by the sound of his grandmother weeping, unable to catch her breath. He thought, during all that chaos, maybe it was better if he mentally recited his multiplication he had just been taught at school – a way to perhaps cheer up his worried grandmother and stop her from crying, but his heart was beating way too hard to focus, his fingers subconsciously fiddling with his seatbelts.

004. IT’S OKAY (DEATH MENTION TW) / Learning about the death of his parents (caused by a horrific car crash) was hard to understand – harder than his grandparents breaking the news to him. He wanted to trade his Hot Wheels collection and Pokemon cards then – for “a trip to heaven, if it’s possible,” were his exact words, his fingers twitching and the weight of his foot shuffling from left to right, as if they were ready to head upstairs to grab what could be his ticket to see his parents in a second if anyone ever said the word. But it wasn’t easy like that. He didn’t cry – he made sure that he didn’t in front of his grandmother, at least. He likes to think that he understood the telepathic message his grandfather was sending him through bloodshot eyes. He knew his grandmother cried about enough on her way to and back from the hospital, and will probably continue crying once he’s tucked in, hence why he cried to himself to sleep under his covers the second the lights of his brand new room were turned off – his nightlight not doing its trick.

005. GROWING UP / Jasper moved in with his grandparents a week after his parents’ accident. It was hard to return home without the two most important people greeting you at the front door; it was harder stepping in to have memories flood right back, hitting him where it hurts. Again, he made sure he didn’t cry. He needed to be strong and crying was only a flick away to twisting the tap of the tears his grandmother had shed nights after nights. Though it was hard at first, he needed to adjust and understand that his nights at his grandparents’ were no longer sleepovers – it was his new home. With the help of his grandfather, Jasper made sure his new room held memories that included his parents and made it more to his liking.

The three of them repaired and sew the holes of each other’s hearts together. Jasper’s grandparents made sure to give him the life he was meant to have, making sure he grew up healthy and happy; and though he missed his parents on certain days and at times wish they were around, healthy and happy he was. He was granted all the things he wanted; he wasn’t exactly spoiled, he was coddled and awfully sheltered a lot. Each time he fell and scraped his knee, there would always be a plaster to mend his wound and a hand to hold.

006. EXTERNAL PERSONALITY (NEGATIVE) / ill-tempered, misunderstood, short-fused, argumentative and defensive are some words to describe Jasper Ernst. Besides dealing with the death of his parents in an unhealthy manner since day one, the weight of being a victim of bullying accumulated a lot of pent-up anger and frustration inside him. He was bullied throughout his primary and high school years, constantly getting picked on for various reasons – one among the many included his absence of his parents and how he was living with his grandparents who were most likely just “stuck with him”. Unlike most victims, however, Jasper wasn’t one to stay silent. He would often pick fights and start them, only to end it with him being sent to the principal office with his glasses snapped into two and bruises; plastered as the problematic child (despite his intelligence) given his condition. He grew up short-fused and awfully defensive, constantly arguing with people who aren’t the slightest bit careful with their words. Little things would trigger him and start a wildfire.

007. EXTERNAL PERSONALTY (POSITIVE) / Despite his problematic and hard exterior, Jasper can be quite amicable. He has his days, to say the least; although he’s moody, he can be friendly when he wants to be and can come across as an easy going person when he’s in a good mood. He doesn’t hide the fact that he’s loyal to his friends – even though he does only have a few that he can sincerely count on.

008. INTERNAL PERSONALITY (THE FERVOUR) / There’s quite a lot of things hidden underneath the surface Jasper Ernst allows himself to show. There’s no in between when it comes to feeling certain emotions – in fact, he either feels or not at all. He suppresses the majority of his emotions and keeps them to himself out of the lack of trust he has, as well as not wanting to be a burden. He cares a hell lot, up to the point where someone’s feelings or emotions could potentially overrule his own and affect him in certain ways. With that said, Jasper is, underneath all that explosive trait, a hopeless romantic. He feels everything intensely, love not being an exception. He falls in smitten a lot, but once his heart’s been captured, he’s a lost cause.

009. MUSIC AND OTHER INTERESTS / Music is the only way Jasper can bleed himself dry. He self-taught himself the guitar at the age of eleven, and was introduced by his grandfather who promised him that he’d be able to swoon girls with it. Despite him only picking music with the interest of picking up girls, his interest soon took a turn and he found himself doing it for himself. He began to venture onto other instruments – such as piano and violin but always winded up back to the guitar. It’s how he channels his intense emotions; putting down how he felt in words and melodies.

(DROWNING TW) Apart from music, back in school Jasper had a thing with sports. He was always put into teams to represent his school when it comes to football and basketball though it was only to keep his body physically active and fit. Swimming, on the other hand, was a sport he failed terribly at. He suffers from a phobia for water out of nearly drowning at one of his friend’s birthday party.

[spockfacts]

Update

Hi everyone, long time no see.

It’s been a long year. A lot of things have changed and I think it’s time I talk about something important. This Update has to do a little with the blog and a lot with me, so if you want to skip the rest of this you absolutely can, this is just something that has been on my mind for a while and pushing to be said. This seems like the best time to say it and I’m sorry if it gets a little long and a lot personal.

SpockFacts is 8 months old and wow, what an 8 months it’s been. At 99 Facts, 254 posts and nearly 4000 followers the blog has grown so much more than I ever expected. Compared to a lot of blogs, this isn’t very large, but it’s big for me. Soon, Fact #100 will be posted, something that’s been bothering me for a while. I wanted it to be something worthwhile, something important. I wanted it to be something commemorative of this blog because for some weird reason the number 100 is an important one. It’s been a real challenge and I’ve been trying to understand why writing more has been so hard for me. I think I’m starting to understand. This may seem like something too personal for a comedy blog about Spock, but beyond all appearances, this is a very personal blog.

When I started SpockFacts it was a very difficult time in my life. My anxiety and depression were at an all-time high, I was extremely isolated, and I was coming to terms with something that even now I’m tentative to acknowledge, but was forced to experience every day. I had gotten to a very bad place and refused to admit it because everyone else had it so much worse. I started writing this blog because I was bored. My mind was unoccupied for most of the day and I was eager to escape from stress I wasn’t letting myself feel. Lo and behold, Star Trek was something to do, something to think about, to distract myself with, and I wound up spending most of my waking hours burying myself in all things Star Trek. The blogs were the next logical step.

Every Fact came from somewhere. Some were just dumb things I noticed from the show (Sarek’s curly hair, the effects of sugar etc.) but some others came from life (Spock’s squeaky bed is my own incredibly squeaky bed, he read Sherlock Holmes because that’s what I was reading etc.) Concepts of gender, mental illness, all sorts of things, were areas of my life I let leak through to this blog. Oftentimes these were things I was incapable of discussing in real life.

Once school started up again there came new challenges. I was bored in an entirely different way, stressed in a much more conspicuous fashion. My birthday was particularly difficult due to a personal experience, resulting in The Big Event to help make it slightly more bearable. School took over and I wrote on here less and less. I worked so hard I made myself sick and I kept working through that because it’s what I had to do. I was occupied, so much so that I lost a lot of aspects of my life along the way, and once again I found myself isolated, but this time by my own actions. Other things changed.

In February something else changed. I was suddenly in a situation in which I had to face a lot of things I had been avoiding for the past couple of years. The isolation had taken a massive toll on me that I hadn’t even realized until someone important forced it to the forefront of my life. Confronting emotional and psychological problems on even a small scale is difficult and frightening. I was lucky enough to have someone to help me explore these problems and who had the patience to put up with things I wasn’t yet ready to face. Over the past 2 1/2 months things have been continuing to change as I’ve been addressing these problems with his help, and while I’ve spent a lot of that time being scared it’s been worth it. Things have been getting better. I’m getting better.

I’m still working on it, it’s not something that happens quickly, but I’m in a much better place than I was when I began this blog. It’s been a very long 8 months and not everything that has happened has been good. Very little in fact. But this summer promises to be different.

I’m spending this summer in a different place with different people doing something different. I’m still bored, but it’s a better kind of bored, the kind where I can choose. I’ve got some direction in my life and so much more support than I’ve ever had before. I’m still anxious as hell and existing is still sometimes a struggle, but I’ve come very far in 8 months and I wanted to thank you.

You helped me exist. It feels dumb to say and I’m sorry if this goes beyond comedy blog boundaries, but writing these stupid Facts helped keep me afloat long enough to get me here. You all helped me get here. The months leading up to these 8 had some of the most uniques challenges in my life and resulted in the worst summer I have ever experienced. Distracting myself may not have been the healthiest option, but it did what it needed to. This blog became a safe place for me, full of wonderful people who all just wanted to have a laugh. I can’t tell you the number of times reading back through the posts or looking at the additions you all contributed has provided me with light in a very dark time and made things just a little bit easier. We’re just at the beginning and we’ve come so far.

A lot of you are going through hard times right now and I’m proud of you for making it so far. We’ve got a long way to go still. Things for me aren’t good, but they’re better. Things for you will get better. Find support where you can, be it in important people or dumb comedy blogs. Find something that will keep you afloat. I’m proud of you. I love you.

I’m not certain how coherent this whole long mess of an update is, and maybe it’s too personal despite how vague a lot of it is, but I want it out there at least for a little while. Once I put this in the queue number 100 will be written and queued up as well. I don’t know how big this blog will get or how long we’ll keep it going, but I’m glad I got to experience it with you. It’s currently 2am and I think it’s time to sleep. If you made it through all that then thank you again. Sorry about all of it, but thank you for letting me say it. I’ll probably reread it tomorrow and realize it was a horrible mistake, but for now it’s getting posted.

Here’s to another 100 SpockFacts

- Golyadkin

[paulaaylin]

Finally! A-levels are over, high school is over and you are now it’s time for the university life filled with freedom, friends and blurry memories from drunk evenings! But be prepared cause that’s not what university is all about… Believe it or not you actually will have classes and eventually you will need to attend them even if you don’t technically ‘have to’. But don’t worry this is not a blog post that will suck away your excitement for your new university life, I will simply give you a few tips to prepare yourself for this big change in your life.

  ‘Aww Fresher’

When you hear that phrase just smile and slowly disappear-because it will get on your nerves. After being the oldest in your high school and then suddenly downgrading to the term “aww fresher” will not be nice. But you will get used to it, because it will probably last for the whole year. Even though you will make friends younger and older than you that word ‘fresher’ will be used as if it is written on your forehead. Don’t let it get to you too much though because probably, you will start using it next year…

Get Cookin’

Before you head to university, learn a few simple dishes because believe it or not-you cannot survive on take away forever and neither can your bank account. Buy pans and pots for you to survive at least your first year of attempts on cooking.

Get Cleanin’

University is all fun and games until you realise you have to clean your room, your bathroom, dishes and wash your clothes. Now you might say ‘I do those things anyway’ –that’s good news for you because you will be more prepared but it still won’t be the same. You will be so busy socialising, trying to make friends, recovering from the fresher’s week hangover, trying to keep up to date with your university work and making sure you don’t starve makes it a bit more difficult to make time for cleaning and tidying. BUT, make sure you don’t dismiss it because honestly-it can get dis-gusting. Don’t buy a lot of plates and cutlery so every time you use them you would have to wash them to be able to use them again. Spare a day to cleaning, I always thought Sundays are the best for that. Keep it clean and tidy at all time then it won’t be that difficult. As for your clothes, please, please wash them. I know it’s not fun going to the launderette and having to pay for it but you need clean clothes and fresh underwear. You just need them so don’t leave them to last minute.

Money, Money, Mon…Where did it all go?

No someone has not used your card, it was all you ordering all those shots and take always. I know getting that student loan has a an extreme thrill to it and you want to buy everything and anything you see just because you can afford it-but in reality, you can’t afford it SO DON’T BUY IT. Because at the end of the month you will stuck at home eating ready noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner and that’s if you are lucky! So make sure to use your money wisely because it will make your life so much easier. It is not easy, so try and keep track on your bank account to make sure you don’t go on that black hole called the ‘overdraft’.

  Fresher’s Week

Ah what everyone has been waiting for. The legendary Fresher’s week. Now you might think –it will be my first week in university, I won’t have friends by that time, who am I going to go with, what if I get lost etc. Try not to worry too much and believe me when I say everyone feels the same way exactly like you do! This will be your time to make friends, buy some drinks and invite your flatmates to have them with you. Get to know them and throw a flat party together. If you don’t want to throw one trust me other people will and just go and join them. They will most likely invite you anyhow but don’t worry whether you are ruining your ‘coolness’ cause you are not. Everyone wants to make friends so why pretend like you don’t want to just to seem ‘cool’. When you do go out on the fresher’s event you will most likely have a few drinks and maybe more than a few, but I strongly urge you to drink as much as you are capable of because you are new in the area with people you have just met and are probably are as equally as drunk as you. So, make sure you are in control and know your way back. Keep your phone charged at all times and try not to lose the friend group you’ve started the evening with. Oh and also make sure to keep hydrated after you’re back from the event- you’ll thank me later.

  Post Fresher’s Week

After the epic fresher’s week is over, the one and only fresher’s flu will be waiting for you. No, it is not a myth, it will happen so get ready. Prepare your medicine and keep your sanitizer with you at all times. Just because you dodged getting ill after fresher’s, doesn’t mean you won’t catch those viruses from your new friends.

Lectures? What are thooose

Go to your lectures is probably the best advice I can give you. They will help you so much. You might think ‘Oh, but they put the slideshows on blackboard I’ll just study from there’ but you will still miss all the important details and notes your professor would’ve given during the lecture. Also, take notes. Including myself a lot of people just say, ‘I’ll just make notes from the slideshows when I am back in my room’ but I can promise you that you will not do such thing-nobody ever does. So just take your notes and read them once or twice after class. Do these and you will freak out less when your exam season is around the corner.

How To Make Friends 101

First year of university is almost made for you to get to know people. You probably will meet people as you step in but if you don’t, don’t worry! Leave your door whilst unpacking, don’t lock yourself in to your room while your flatmates are getting to know each other. When you meet one of your flatmates go and meet everyone else together, it will make you feel more comfortable.  

You also have SOCIETIES. Societies are by far the best way to make friends. Not only will you be trying new things but you will also meet amazing people alongside it. Plus these societies will look amazing in your CV when applying for jobs.

Societies

During the fresher’s day when every society explains you what they are and try to trick you with free bees, make sure you don’t fall into their trap! Of course, sign up if you

want to try out that society but don’t just put your email there to get a free pen that probably doesn’t even work because the emails will haunt you forever. It is incredible how easy it is to persuade a student with free stuff… Oh also, make sure to bring a few disguises for the Dominos stand because you will need it when you are queuing up for the 10th time to get a free slice.

Be Yourself

I know this sounds incredibly cliché but and everyone always goes on about it but this is your time to actually be yourself. The best thing about university is that you don’t have to fit it. There is no such thing as ‘fitting in’ because everyone is themselves. There are no cliques and groupings. You will have friends from all over the world with different opinions but it won’t stop you from being friends, it will just give you more perspective.

You will make better friends when you don’t pretend to be someone you are not.

  I hope these tips will be a little bit helpful to all of you who will begin your first year in university because I know they helped me a lot. Of course, you will make your own mistakes and learn from them, and who knows, maybe you can write a blog post about it like I did.  Make the most of these three years because it does go quick, and get ready for the best years of your life.

How To Prepare Yourself On Becoming A ‘FRESHER’ Finally! A-levels are over, high school is over and you are now it’s time for the university life filled with freedom, friends and blurry memories from drunk evenings!

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

A 'diabolical' failed cheese event has become the UK's Fyre Festival

Brits are royally cheesed off after a "diabolical" cheeseboard event left hundreds of people bitterly disappointed. This debacle of epic proportions has even been likened to this summer's Fyre Festival. 

SEE ALSO: This Fyre Festival pitch deck is the best thing on the internet today

The £30-a-head ($40) "Giant Cheese Board" event—which purported to be "cheesy heaven" on earth—had so much promise. Per a Facebook event, the multi-day event claimed to be an enormous cheese board that could be walked around and feasted upon. 

"Carving off slices of your favourite Emmental, Red Leicester, Edam, Brie and every other cheese you can imagine? Surrounded by cheese, rolling around in cheese...eating so much ch...sorry, got carried away," reads the event description. 

Cannot overstate how bleak this is pic.twitter.com/9j9uaDS7sD

— Kate Solomon (@katiesol) December 16, 2017

"This is going to change your lives forever," the description continued. But, life-changing this festival was not.

Over the weekend, myriad Cheese Board-goers vented their fury and dismay using the hashtag #GiantCheeseBoard. Cold mulled wine, long queues, "shop-bought cheese," a dearth of bread, overcrowding, an absence of "giant camembert," and "very average" cheeses were among the abundant complaints.  

The only thing giant about this cheese board was that it was a total giant waste of time. 5 different types of cheese are you fucking kidding me, no giant camembert, ran out of bread, chorizo, crackers, grapes, cold mulled wine, 90 minute wait to get in #giantcheeseboard

— Kevin Chun (@peanutter571) December 16, 2017

Fair to say it only got WORSE. Finally got in 1.5 hours late, waited 40 mins in the rain for cold, weak mulled wine. Only 5 very average cheeses (after waiting another 40 mins) I think the most concerning thing was the lack of hygiene! #GiantCheeseboard @JacobsSnacks @studio338

— Danielle Thirsk (@dannibecst) December 18, 2017

Mark Byrne, who attended the event with his boyfriend and two friends, told Mashable about his experience at the Giant Cheese Board. "We found 4 trestle tables like you'd get in a school disco with some small silver trays with cheese on," says Byrne. "By the time we got there the goats cheese had run out and the girl behind the table said she'd asked for more and they told her no."

.@studio338 organised #thegiantcheeseboard WORST EVENT EVER. Shop bought cheese, overcrowded, staff who lied when requesting a refund. Security admitted they’ve done it before. NEVER use this venue or go to their events. Eurgh. @MailOnline would have a field day.

— Mark Byrne (@markyb_88) December 16, 2017

But, the cheesy sorrows didn't end there for Byrne and his friends. "It was also disgusting that there were no serving utensils so people just walking around these tables grabbing cheese with their bare hands (we also later discovered there was no loo roll etc in the toilets so God only knows what was being passed around)," he continued.

To Byrne's chagrin, they discovered that the mulled wine had "reduced" alcohol content and was "limited to those with tokens," which they had not received. "The halloumi part wasn't open as the chef was apparently ill, same as for the 'giant baked camembert' not being available (not sure why someone else couldn't grill some halloumi but there we go)," he says. 

Daniel John Lynch was working at the event as a steward. He'd been hired to dress up as Tom from Tom and Jerry and to keep "crowds entertained and answer any questions they may have." 

I was working at the #GiantCheeseboard event yesterday. Everything about it was diabolical! I really feel for those who had travelled to London to experience such a poorly executed event and for everyone who spent good money to attend. I ended up walking out during the evening.

— Daniel John Lynch (@DanielJohnLynch) December 17, 2017

Lynch says the event was delayed due to "a last minute delivery of crackers and other food items," which caused an enormous queue to build up. "There was then 500+ people sent through the doors and in to a nightclub which had been decorated by what can only be described as a school prom committee," says Lynch.

"There were only five standard cheeses available (none of which were vegan as advertised), the mulled wine and cider was lukewarm at best, but mostly cold," says Lynch, who added that staff were "disengaged and constantly eating and drinking." 

Lynch also says that at one point "there was nearly a riot" with around 50 people chanting "refund, refund." During the evening session, Lynch, who'd been trying to deal with people's complaints, decided "enough was enough" and walked out of the shift. "The whole thing was vile. From the way staff were treated to the storage of food and the presentation." 

Surprised and disappointed to find no cheese at the #GiantCheeseboard only 1.5 hours after opening. Oversold and underprepared. And you’ve deleted my Facebook review. I am looking for a full refund.

— Jessica Walker (@Jeeskababy) December 16, 2017

Ben Ross, who also attended the event, says his experience was negative, largely because his expectations didn't match up to reality. 

"We enter the room, oh, it's a nightclub venue, how odd, but on the right is the dance floor, on the left is a small area, which has trestle tables down two sides with a few large trays piled with the same cheeses," says Ross. To his dismay, the goats cheese was all gone by the time they'd finished queuing. 

"There is, to disagree with some reports, a table of vegan cheese in the corner. I'm not surprised if people never saw it because by now it's standing room only and you can barely get into the marquee," he added. 

After a deluge of complaints on Twitter and Facebook, the organisers of the event responded to disappointed customers in a Facebook post by refuting many of the criticisms. 

The organisers denied the claim that the cheeses were store-bought. "The cheeses were sourced from some of the UK and Europe's best specialty cheese makers, dairies and farms," reads the post. 

The post also said that the claim that there "was not unlimited cheese" was "completely untrue!"

"There are 11 different cheese stations serving all day and night with totally unlimited amounts of cheese throughout," read the post. 

The people struggle for the last scraps of Camembert. The suffering has gone on too long. pic.twitter.com/Qtyd7CBodE

— Tom Capon (@TomCapon) December 16, 2017

They also denied the criticism that they ran out of cheese, and noted that the comments about cold mulled wine are not true. "We serve from heated dispensers (which once again is a provable fact!) it was a cold day in December so of course, the drinks are going to cool down fairly quickly but they were absolutely not cold when served," read the post. 

The organisers of the Giant Cheese Board did not immediately respond to Mashable's request for comment. 

Absolutely unBRIElievable. 

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