#iiiiiii can't get over it

[demonholdingalillie]

I have to keep reminding myself that no, no one cares on this website, and yes, you can post that silly little thought, and interact with creators you really enjoy.

[stubz]

"Human Max?"

"Mmyesh?"

"Why'd you ruffle my feathers?"

"Oh, I used to do that to your sister when she came here. I won't do it anymore if you don't like it though."

"No. I liked it. It was kinda like when Mom and Dad clean my feathers. Tickly and scratchy."

"Well that's good."

"...Human Max?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you ruffle Salia's feathers?"

"Hmmmm, Iiiiiii don't know. I just did it without thinking."

"Why?"

"Maybe because my family did that to me when I was a kid and so I wanted to continue that with you kids."

"Why?"

"Why I wanted to continue it or why my family did that to me?"

"Both!"

"Emira why do you do this to me. Oookay! Lemme think for a sec" they said while thinking of an answer to hopefully prevent the why apocalypse.

"Uhhh-I think it's because humans just like physical touch from people we like, love and care about...Yeah! In fact, if we don't get enough we get touch-starved."

"This sounds like a trick."

"Would I ever trick you?"

"Yes, you said that humans will die from loudness to keep us from screaming too much."

"...you got me there but I promise you I am not lying."

"...you really get 'starved' if you don't get touched enough?"

"Erm, by 'touched' I mean hugged, high-fived, hand-holding, head pats, stuff like that. Not something that sounds like the start of a dirty joke..."

Few days later~~~

"Max! Get in here! Now!

"What?! Did someone get hurt?! Did Qiqi eat glue again???"

"Look."

Max finally came around the corner and saw the other human trapped in the most adorable way ever imaginable. Younglings hugged and clung to Kim like they were a lifesaver in a terrible storm. Legs were trapped and sat on, weighted to the ground by children. Waist and torso were covered by living backpacks/frontpacks. Arms shaking while trying to hold the younglings in their arms while steadying the ones clambering on their shoulders.

"Help. Me."

"Let me get my phone I need this as my new wallpaper."

"Max! I'm seriously about to crush like 10 kids with my fat arse if I don't stand properly in the next 10 seconds."

"Got it, can't have you manslaughter children. Hug time's over kids, off of Kim."

"But Maxie if we do then Kim will die!"

"Marl for the 5th time I'm not dying."

"But your starving!"

"Sweetheart please, I am most defiantly not starving."

"Emira said so tho!"

"Yeah! You were stuck in your room for days with no one to hug you! And Max told me that if humans don't get enough hugs or pats you'll starve!!" her beak quivered, eyes starting to get glassy.

"Oooh, Emira, kids, Kim is fine. Yes no one was there to give Kim hugs but she's fine. For a human to starve for hugs will take some time, and Kim wasn't gone for that long."

"Really?"

"Really, besides I was there to give her soup and high-fives so she wouldn't get lonely."

"...can we still hug you for a bit longer?"

"Of course, but let me sit down so I don't fall down."

The younglings clamber of her and allow the human to sit and then climb back ontop her. Noting how not everyone got to hug Kim, Max came in and together the humans were trapped by a mesh of children clinging tightly to their favorite humans.

"Max."

"Yeah Kim."

"As punishment for what happened your buying lunch...and carrying me to lunch cause my legs are in a coma right now."

"Fair enough."

[annymation]

The Kingdom of Wishes- A “Wish” Rewrite

Chapter 4- The King and Queen

Chapter 3

Asha is surrounded by a thick cloud of green smoke. She feels dizzy, like she just been spinning for hours, but really that’s just the natural feeling one gets from being magically teleported for the first time.

As the smoke clears, Asha coughs a few times and rubs her eyes. Things start coming into focus and she realizes… She’s inside the castle.

She sees in front of her a huge flight of stairs that goes spiraling upwards for what seems to be forever. The walls are adorned with intricate and perfect details.

The last remaining lights of sunset entered through the large colored glass windows, creating what Asha could only describe as a light show with an array of colors that painted the walls.

She and the royal couple were in front of the main entrance, the door is open and they can hear the fireworks and people celebrating the Wish ceremony outside. The king and queen are standing right behind her, watching as she takes everything in.

As Asha looks up she can only whisper:

“Wow”

(It's exactly like this by the way)

“Marvelous, is it not?” The queen asks in a sigh while walking to be in front of Asha "It's not everyday we bring guests in here. You are quite fortunate, dear."

Asha can't help but notice how it's... Empty. Not in details tho, there's plenty of that all around, but there's no sign of people besides the 3 of them.

"It really is incredible your majesty but umm if you don't mind me asking... Where are the guards? Or the cleaning staff?" Asha asks looking around while taking a few steps forward

"Oh all the guards stay outside only.” Magnifico explains nonchalantly, as he also walks to be next to his wife “As for the cleaning staff, or really any other servant, we have them all leave when the sun starts to set"

"We prefer to have some... privacy in here at night time, if you know what I mean" The queen lets out a laugh as she and her husband gaze passionately at one another.

... "Wow… they not only need to get a room, they need a whole castle" Asha thinks

(Although she's right, another reason they empty the castle at night is so they can be their true selves without witnesses)

“But enough about us, right? Tonight’s about you.” The King smiles, as he playfully boops Asha’s nose “Now, what we want to know from you Asha iiiiiiis-- What in the blazes is that on our window?”

The king looks in bewilderment at something coming out of one of their glass windows that is closer to the ground

(they can be opened when pushed slightly, to let some air come in.)

Asha turns to see what the king is looking at. She sees coming out of the lower window two little… baby goat legs.

Followed by the sound “Maaaaa! Maaaaa!”s she knows so well

“VALENTINO!” Asha screams in surprise, running to get him. “What are you doing here?! I told Dahlia to keep an eye on you!”

Dahlia is unfortunately too busy discussing with Gabo about why they can’t just break in the castle, so she didn’t notice the baby goat went missing.

The two royals silently watch this scene play out, quite unsure how to react, this girl really never ceases to surprise them.

"hehehe- Sorry about that umm your highnesses, this is my baby goat, Valentino" Asha says with an awkward smile while holding Valentino in her arms

"Maaa!" The goat bleats to them cheerfully, but mostly he's just over the moon that he managed to find Asha.

"He says hi too" Asha says while waving one of his hooves to them.

The king smiles, giving a small wave back, finding this quite entertaining so far.

The queen is trying her hardest to keep her fake smile while thinking "please don't let this disgusting thing near me"

"Haha how charming! Say Asha, does he follow you everywhere like that?" The king asks, sounding intrigued.

"Oh yes, since the day he got the hang on how to walk hehe- Last month I went to doodle some animals in a farm, and I found him all alone after his parents were sold out. Sooo I adopted him" She hugs him tightly "And we've been inseparable ever since hehe" the girl says gleefully

The queen can't hold it in any longer and just asks quickly "That's wonderful my sweet, but would you care to leave him outside? A castle is really no place for farm animals"

“Specially THIS castle” The king says while turning his head side to side through the room like he’s looking for something “I believe it may be safer for him to leave, Asha” he says in a warning tone.

Asha tilts her head to the side with a puzzled look "Huh? Why would he not be safe here?"

*GrRrRRrrR*

As if on cue, Asha hears a throaty, low and predatory growl come from behind the stairs

“Because goats just so happen to be OUR pet’s favorite meal” the king explains, smirking ever so slightly, thinking "how ironic" since Asha is their prey as well.

Asha turns to the source of the sound quickly and she sees

An Iberian lynx

(I have a whole post explaining why I choose to give them a lynx instead of a common house cat: Here)

With grey fur covered in spots, and green predatory eyes. Walking slowly towards them, as he approaches, Asha can tell it’s about size of a medium dog.

The wild cat sees Valentino and… now it’s running- FAST-

Asha screams and embraces Valentino tightly.

She closes her eyes and…

Nothing happens.

She looks back, and the cat is frozen mid air, covered by green magic, the king managed to save them just in time.

He uses his staff to levitate the feline closer to him.

“Now now Bravo, is that any way to welcome our guest?” The king says, in a clearly faux reprehending tone.

(I’m aware that the concept art book said their pet cat would be named “Charo” but I opted to change it)

Bravo looks at his owners very confused, isn’t that dinner?

The queen takes the wild cat into her arms, like he’s her baby “Aww my poor sweet pet, you must be starving, but we both know you deserve a meal with more meat on its bones than that.” She carries him to a different room so he won’t interrupt them.

(Please do keep in mind a lynx is huge, and the queen is carrying him with relative ease, because she’s actually physically stronger than one might expect)

Asha is still a bit shaken by the scare.

Meanwhile Valentino is just smiling and wagging his tail, seeing Bravo as a potential new friend, oblivious to the fact he was in danger just a moment ago.

The queen places their pet in a different room and closes the door quickly “Well… How’s that for a welcome commitee huh? hahah” She jokes.

“I… I never knew your majesties had a lynx”

“It's probably for the best he stays a secret, unlike us he's rather... Shy” Shy is a nicer way to say he hates people. "So, will your pet be accompanying us?" The king asks, not really caring what option Asha chooses.

Asha looks at Valentino and thinks for a moment "I'm pretty sure if I did leave him outside he'd just find his way back in anyway. I’d like keep him with me, if that’s okay."

"Oh well, as you wish... And speaking of “wish”, let's talk about the wish that grandfather of yours made, shall we?" The king get's them back on track

(Now, I know this whole animal introduction scene may feel pointless but trust me, these two lil guys will be important later)

The king places a hand on Asha's back and starts walking with her to the huge set of stairs "Now, tell me Asha, his name, what he looked like, what he did for a living" He walks a step of the stairs with each topic he lists off “Anything might help me remember his wish”

All three of them are walking up the stairs, Magnifico and Asha side by side while the queen is behind them.

Asha really doubts the king will remember her Saba’s wish just like that, but might as well give it a shot "Well, his name was Sabino Lucero, he was pretty short, had a big nose and-"

"Sabino you say? hmm... Sabino, Sabi- OH YES! Sabino yes yes of course- yeah I remember him" The king lies, like he has been lying pretty much the whole afternoon.

"Wait re-really?" Asha eyes are wide.

"Yeah really ahaha! Why, I remember the wish I granted to him like it was yesterday!" Magnifico claims excitedly.

Asha is ecstatic, she jumps with joy with Valentino still on her arms "That's great! Then what was it?" She simply can't wait to find out.

"Hahah it's funny how you of all people don't know, since what he wished for was... You" He carefully places his hand under her chin

Asha enthusiasm slowly faded, she kept smiling but she was confused

"Me? What do you mean?"

"He wished to have the most caring, intelligent and graceful granddaughter one day. And now, would you look at that…" The king holds her chin gently and turns her face to one of the many mirrors on the walls "He got exactly what he wished for, didn't he?"

Now, I'm kinda repeating myself at this point saying this is a lie too, but I wanna just add this is a lie he’s veeeery used to telling people, whenever someone comes to him asking why their loved one seemingly passed away without getting their wish granted he just says "Oh they wished for YOU to be in their lives" and that just makes the person content.

Asha isn't like other people though.

She stares at her own reflection... Confused.

"You seem troubled mi rosa, is that not what you expected?" The queen asks, with a fake worried gaze.

What she expected was to get answers, but now she just had more questions: What kind of wish is that? Didn't the king just tell her earlier that a wish is something that defines you? How does that defines Saba? Why didn't he seem fully content? Was she... Was she not good enough?

(Let me just say real quick that if this was a movie this whole paragraph would just be Asha staring at the mirror looking lost, we wouldn't actually hear her thoughts, I'm just telling yall this so you can get a glimpse on where her mind's at)

She could ask those questions to them but... To be fair she really just wants to leave and enjoy the rest of her birthday with her friends, not to mention these two would most likely not know the answers to her questions anyway.

So she just turns to them with a thankful smile "I'm just surprised, it’s all. Thank you for telling me your majesty, I really needed to know, and... I'm sorry for assuming you didn't grant my saba's wish" she gives him a small curtesy

"Oh that's quite alright, people who come here believing the same thing are more common than you'd think" He says with a serene smile, but as Asha lowers her head to give him a curtesy he speaks between his teeth "Though they certainly don't make a scene quite like you did about it."

Asha couldn't quite understand what he mumbled "Sorry, what was that?"

"*cough cough* Sore throat"

"Heh well, this was definitely a crazy birthday experience, thank you again for welcoming me" Asha says as she begins to walk down the stairs towards the exit while still looking at the king and queen "I'll be sure to tell all my friends about-"

B L A M

The main entrance that was previously opened slammed all by itself... Well actually not by itself, as Asha realizes it's glowing with green magic...

Oh... They're not done yet.

"And where do you think you're going?" the queen asks in a sing-song voice "We have not dismissed you just yet, my flower"

"I-I'm sorry, I assumed now that I got the answer to my question I-"

"I invited you to dine with us, remember?" The king explains simply "But that will only be about an hour from now. That leaves us with plenty of time to get to know you better"

"Oh- you were actually serious about the dinner thing? I didn't think-"

He cuts her off again"Aaaand now that we've proved that I DO grant all my people's wishes... Perhaps we could find out what your wish may be, yes?"

Asha looks up to him from the lower steps of the stairs, quite frustrated that they’re back to this subject, she sighs as she says:

"Your majesty, to be honest I wasn't afraid you would't grant my wish. What I'm afraid of is not being the one who controls my own life, the one who achieves my own dreams." She speaks patiently and determined.

Oh the girl has spirit, they can tell.

They just gotta find a way to break it.

And Magnifico might just know how to start.

"Walk with us, will you?" Magnifico says as the two royals start walking up the stairs once more.

Asha follows them, apprehensive.

"Do you know who you remind me of, Asha?" Magnifico asks with a contemplative look in his eyes.

"My father?" She asks, kinda already expecting where this is going.

"No- Well, actually yes him too- but no, that's not where I was getting at" the king corrects her "You actually remind me of my brother."

That is in fact NOT where she expected this was going.

She almost trips on the stairs.

"Wait- K-king Florian? Really?? Tha-thank you! I heard a lot of good things about him" She says feeling flattered, but quickly her eyes lower as she remembers the tragedy of the king's situation "And I'm really sorry for your loss, your majesty."

Asha may've been surprised by the king's statement but the queen was downright dumbfounded that Magnus brought up his brother so casually, she knows how her husband avoids that subject like the plague, specially when they speak with peasants.

Magnifico just winks at his wife as a signal for her to just follow his lead.

"Thank you, Asha. That wound is nothing but a scar of the past now... I say you remind me of him because, much like you, he wanted to make his dreams come true only through his own hard work, even if that meant not taking short cuts or accepting others help, even MY help."

The queen realized where her husband was going with this... And she loved it.

Asha did not tho.

"What was his dream?"

"... The same as mine, to keep our people safe and happy. But he stretched himself too thin, doing everything by himself." Magnifico stoped and turned to look at Asha in the eyes "And look where that got him."

Magnifico worded that to sound like a warning but both him and the queen know it's more of a threat.

"Your majesty... I'm not sure I follow"

"He exhausted himself, worked for this kingdom non-stop until he couldn't take it anymore, and then... I think you can guess." The king fakes an expression of sorrow that could put hollywood actors to shame

"... That's what lead to his passing? I never knew that" Asha says

"We do try to keep it a secret, the truth is far too upsetting." the queen comments, also with a sorrowful expression.

"So you see Asha, THAT's why I grant so many wishes, more than any of the other king that came before me, because I don't want ANYONE in my kingdom to feel the same pain that my brother felt... And I don't want that for you neither, do you understand?"

Queen Amable is actually impressed, her husband just fabricated a whole sob story right then and there on the spot, surely now this girl will consider-

"I understand, but your highness has no need to worry about me." Asha says simply with a smile.

He seems taken aback by that, Asha continues

"I'm sure my wish won't turn out to be something that exhausts me, it'll be something I feel passionate about and that only brings me joy. Thank you for your concern though, I promise I'll be careful to not get carried away in the future.” She explains calmly to reassure him, innocently believing that the king worries about her well being.

Magnifico was rather disappointed, that was his best shot.

Since that didn't work, it's Amaya's turn.

"Something you're passionate about, hmm? How quaint, and what may some of those things be?" The queen says while they keep walking, they’re getting close to the end of the stairs "Anything you're particularly interesting in, a hobby perhaps?"

Asha was actually dreading this subject.

The one thing that she doesn't want to give away for even a second is her passion for drawing.

She can't let them know about it. So she just starts rambling:

"Oooh ya know haha I like umm astronomy, I've actually been pretty studying the constellations a lot lately, and philosophy too, I also love to dance and sing-"

"And you draw, correct?" the queen asks with a confident smile.

Asha is so caught so off guard by that she misses one of the steps and almost falls down the stairs, that doesn't happen only because Magnifico catches her with his magic.

"Should we take that as a yes?" he asks sarcastically

Asha turns to the queen in disbelief... HOW DID SHE KNOW?!

"H-how did you know??"

The queen laughs at her reaction "You told us yourself, my dear"

"I- I did? When?"

"Just when your goat entered, you explained to us how you met him: “I went to doodle some animals at a farm”” the queen quotes Asha, making a slightly more high pitched voice.

"... Ah... Yeah, I did say that." She sounds defeated.

Now it was the king's turn to be impressed, he didn't even pay attention to what the girl was saying at that time. His wife always had a knack for reading people like an open book, and use that to pick up on their weaknesses.

"Well now, that's something we can work with, isn't it my love?" The queen says looking at her husband with an malicious glee.

"Why, yes indeed, I don't understand why you didn't tell us sooner Asha" The king says enthusiastically "Say, why don't you wish to be a great art-"

"No" she says firmly "That's the one thing I can't wish for, your majesty"

She can’t see the king’s face because he’s still walking up the stairs, so she doesn’t see him roll his eyes"... And why is that, Asha?"

Asha thinks about the promise she made for her grandfather, she thinks about how this is important to her, and how her friends said she's been improving a lot by herself... Wait... HER FRIENDS!

"My friends know I wish to be a great artist! So umm guess I can't give you that wish, because of the rules haha" Her voice is a bit more nervous but also relieved she can safely keep this wish with her.

"Ah I see, what a shame really, guess it's back to square one" The king says as they keep going up the stairs as they approach a large door

"I suppose it's for the best, would't want waste a wish on something so trivial as scribbling on paper like a child, now would you?" The queen states bluntly.

Asha frowns at that comment.

"Excuse me my queen, but drawing is way more tha-"

"We're here!" The king exclaims, as Asha realizes they're at the end of the stairs now, and there's a huge door in front of them

The king opens it, revealing a dark room that is only illuminated by faint bluish lights, and at the center of the room there’s

A miniature of Rosas

“… And what is “here” exactly?” Come to think of it, she never asked where they were guiding her to.

“Our treasure room, where we keep our most prized possessions, gifted to us by grateful adventurers or neighboring kingdoms” Magnifico explains as his voice echos through the large room.

Asha lets go of Valentino, she’s quite tired after carrying all the way up here.

Valentino happily hops away to explore.

The queen sees Asha letting him down and worriedly tries to intervene “Umm actually Asha dear, this may not be the best place to-“

Valentino slams his head on a pillar with a pair of glass slippers, making one of them fall and break into a million pieces.

The queen can only sigh in frustration

“Sorry sorry, I’ll get him back" Asha tries running to catch him but the king grabs her by the hand quicker and pulls her closer to him

“No no no, it's fine, let him play, I can fix these with magic later anyway” He rests his arm on her shoulders and brings her closer to the table with the miniature kingdom of Rosas “Now Asha, I know we’ve been rather… pushy with this whole wish thing.”

“That’s an understatement” Asha mumbles to herself.

"BUT- and hear me out- I think all you need is a bit more... Perspective on what Rosas really is all about"

With that said, he snaps his fingers, making a bunch of wooden dolls appear on the miniature Rosas, Asha recognizes some of them as citizens of Rosas she has seen before.

(They look like Quasimodo's wood figures)

"Oh wow" Asha takes one of the dolls to give it a closer look, admiring the craftsmanship "Did you make these?" She asks, sounding very impressed.

"Why, yes I did." He affirmed proudly.

(With his magic, in the snap of his fingers, but hey semantics)

The queen approaches them "You see, each and every one of our subjects are a little piece of art, that we want to see evolve into their fullest potential." She says with a passion in her voice.

"And... That includes you, Asha." The king says as he manifests in his hands a little wooden doll that looks just like Asha.

(Because that's not creepy at all)

He hands the doll over to her, she looks at it with downcast eyes.

"*sigh* To be honest, I don't know how other people my age manage find their way so quickly... I just really don't know what I could wish for, you know?"

While she's lamenting to the doll the queen walks to the entrance to close the door...

Magnifico is toying around with some of the puppets as he says with a smile "Aww I know child, I know. It can be sooo hard for some of us to find our way in this life... luckily though, you have us to..."

Queen Amable closes the door with a slam.

All the lights in the room go off.

It's all dark now.

Asha let's out a gasp

The king snaps his fingers, casting a light only on him and the queen, who's now right by his side.

"Enlighten you."

I promised this chapter would have a villain song, didn't I? :)

Welp, I was inspired by a deleted song from Equestria Girls 3… because of course I went to look for inspiration there, Equestria Girls have banger soundtracks!

Here’s a link to my blog with only the lyrics without me describing what’s happening in the scene, as well as the song that inspired it, “Free the Magic (Demo)”.

I’ll do my best to be brief describing what’s happening during this sequence, so without further ado

It’s villain song o’clock

Lines in green- King Magnifico 🫧

Lines in Blue- Queen Amaya 👑

Lines in bold white- Puppets 🎎

Lines in purple- Asha ✨

Lines in orange- Me (commentary)

Wish Away

You've been an outcast in this land

For far too long

It's time you show to them

That Rosas's where you belong

There's a wish in you

That just cannot wait to soar

So tell us, Asha

What do you wish for?

(Not much happening here besides them just singing in front of Asha melodically and looking pretty angelic with the light shining on them.)

THINK!

But before you answer

Look around and just see where you're from

From a kingdom with no sadness, no pain or dismay

And it's all because they

Wished away

(When the king says “Think” he boops her nose, and with the same finger he raises her head to look at him while saying “But before you answer”. When he says “See where you’re from” he guides her to look at the kingdom’s miniature, as he lists off all the bad things that the kingdom does not have he makes a spell that brings all the dolls to life)

(aah-ah, aah-ah, aah-ah)

(He holds three little puppets on his hand, right in front of Asha’s face, Asha is surprised to see them singing and dancing now, going side to side on the king’s hand)

MAY

I give a suggestion?

What you lack might be just

Some self reflection

You don't know who you are

So how could you ever go as far

To know what's your purpose in life?

(When the queen says “May” she scares Asha by showing up right behind her out from the darkness. “Some self reflection” the queen places a mirror in front of Asha’s face, she caresses Asha’s face while looking sorry for her. Asha also looks upset)

(aah-ah, aah-ah, aah-ah)

(Asha is staring at the mirror before Magnifico takes it from her, takes a quick look at himself, then throws it away before he starts singing his verse)

Strife and hard work is fine, dear

But it's oh, so much easier

If you give me that wish of yours

Think just how far you'll go

Once that wish is mine-

I mean ours! I mean yours

hehehe

(He waves dismissively at what he says in the first line. Asha tries to distance herself from him, so he pulls her closer to him by her arms at “give me that wish of yours”. At "how far you'll go" (ha! Moana reference) Asha manages to struggle out of his grip and walks a few steps away from him, with an annoyed expression (Like what is it with this creep and touching her?), she has her back turned to him until she hears the slip up “That wish is mine”, she turns back in confusion, but the king promptly corrects his mistake, letting out at the end a laugh, not a nervous laugh tho, more like a playful one. Also when he says "ours" he means him and his wife, that wish won't be Asha's at all.)

And what about your future?

Will it be just some doodles, my dear?

There's much more you can achieve (thanks to me)

So forget with no-

Forget with no regret

(The queen takes Asha's sketchbook from the purse she carries on her belt, at the second line she's practically bullying the poor girl now, flipping some pages and looking at it like it’s worthless trash. She throws away the book, Asha runs to catch it, but when she crouches down to grab it there's a hand coming from the darkness who does it first, the king get's illuminated by his own spotlight as he says "Thanks to me" and offers Asha her sketchbook back, Asha pulls it away from his hand and hugs it tightly. Asha goes to talk to the queen, she looks quite angry, but at "So forget with no-" when her voice is about to come out the queen places a finger in front of her mouth, demanding silence, she's not finished, so after Asha closes her mouth again the queen looks at her pleased and continues what she was saying "Forget with no regret"... The kingdom's memo)

I don't know what I want, I've never knew

Too many pains to count, so much I've been through

But I know a wish will be for me to grant

So thanks for offering, but I need no enchant

(Asha says the first line with a thoughtful and sad gaze as she looks at the small kingdom on the table, she's hugging her sketchbook tightly. As she says "Too many pains to count" she opens her sketchbook on a page showing her and her grandfather together, and with "So much I've been through" she caresses the page fondly. She puts herself back together, no longer looking sad but determined, and puts her sketchbook back in her purse as she turns to face the royal couple, who are now just standing next to one another just smiling at her serenely. She looks at them and explains once more "A wish will be for me to grant" which makes their smiles drop slightly, and as she says the last line she starts walking back to the door they came in, she's DONE with them, and she wants to leave)

(Oh... But they were only beginning, just singing to her is not working? Then it's time to bring out the big guns...

Magnifico's eyes glow green, as he casts an illusion spell on her)

Little one, I don't think that you comprehend

(Asha hears the queen sing and feels her world spinning for a second, she blinks a few times and now she's no longer in the treasure room with them, she's IN THE KINGDOM'S MODEL, and as she looks at her hands she realizes... She's now made of wood, and her hair is made of brown wool strings.)

(Your wish will be the king’s command)

(Asha hears voices from behind her, she looks back and see a group of wooden dolls of citizens of Rosas approaching, now they're just as tall as her, or rather, she's as tall as them, because once she looks up she sees...)

With my magic I can make all that pain

end

(The king and queen are now giants looking down on her, smiling in what can only be described as expressions of fake pity. King Magnifico's eyes are glowing green)

(You can be one of us)

(The dolls keep getting closer and closer, she starts to run away from them, understandably terrified, she runs to one of the miniature houses)

If you let us help you

Just wait and see

(The queen sings melodically, very entertained by the girls suffering. Asha tries to open the door of the house but ...)

(You should be pleased)

(once she does, there's more dolls inside, they all sing in unison, smiling at her as they try to grab her, she tries to look up at the royal couple with pleading eyes, begging them to just stop whatever this is)

I have a hunch this wish

Shall set you free

(The king shrugs with a smirk on his face, he looks directly at her pleading eyes, as he's basically saying "Give me your wish, and I'll make this go away")

(free, free, free)

(More and more dolls pile up to catch her, Asha manages to struggle her way out of their grasp, and goes back to running somewhere, ANYWHERE)

Is this really the hill I'll die on?!

(Now, this expression means "An issue to pursue with wholehearted conviction and/or single-minded focus, with little or no regard to the cost." and that quite perfectly summarizes Asha's conviction to grant her own wish, but now, for the first time, she's starting to question if it's really worth it)

(Wish a-way, wish a-way)

(Asha keeps running... This situation actually reminds her of how she often felt in Rosas, like she didn't belong, she just wishes she could make people happy... wait...)

There is no hope for you No stars to wish upon

(Okay this line is the one I'm less confident in, since in previous scenes I didn't find a natural way to fit in them talking about stars, but gosh darn I'll keep this in here because its ironic, also JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL STAR BOY LEARNS ABOUT THIS AMAYA)

(Wish a-way, wish a-way)

(Does what she's thinking about count as a wish? She thinks as she's now climbing the base of the castle, trying to get away from the dolls)

Should I give up on my integrity?

(This line ends on a long high note btw, she's running for her life but by gosh she's gonna sing her heart out... Also yeah she's questioning if she should give up on her principles)

(Give it away, You cannot get away)

(The dolls are climbing after her, there's nowhere else to go until... Magnifico's hand pushes the dolls away, but it's not to help her oh no no... He lost his patience.)

I am the ONLY ONE

Who'll end your MISERY

So come on! Wish away

SO YOU MAY FIND YOUR WAY

(The king looks and sounds deranged, much like Chris Pine sounded like at the end of "This is the thanks I get", he's yelling a lot more than he's singing, and as his hand goes to catch Asha she sees no other choice than to yell)

OKAY!

(She closes her eyes tightly, waiting for the impact of the king's hand...)

Her eyes are shot open, she blinks quickly like she just woke up from a nightmare...

A nightmare she can't remember.

She can tell that something happened... Something really scary, but she can't remember what.

All she feels now are the effects of having your mind bend by dark magic.

"W-what happened? Uhg... My head… It hurts..." she stumbles to the side, Amable catches her just before she trips over because of the overwhelming dizziness. Amaya holds her still by the arms… Asha notes that the queen has a pretty strong grip.

“Oh you poor thing, you must be tired, that’s all.” The queen coos in that same motherly tone she so commonly uses, Asha was about to ask them why would she feel so exhausted all of the sudden, but the queen interrupts “So, are you ready to tell us sweetheart?”

Asha looks at her puzzled, still feeling slightly dizzy.

“… Tell you what?”

“Your wish.” The king says a few steps away from them, sounding slightly out of breath.

Asha looks at him and notices his hair is now messy and he’s supporting himself on the table to stand up, he’s breathing like he just ran a marathon.

(Dark magic can mess you up, don’t do it kids)

He takes a deep breath and very quickly puts himself back together, slicking his hair back to it's original look.

“Come now, don’t tell me you already forgot? You’re supposed to forget it only after you give it to me.” He chuckles darkly.

What are they talking about? Why would Asha know wha- wait… But she does know. The idea pops in her head like it was already there, she remembers now.

“… Yes… I do have a wish.”

Chapter 5

Final Thoughts

Boy oh boy, I sure wonder if that diner they promised is actually gonna happen or if it was just a lie, I’m sure you all can’t wait to find that out!

Guys, please believe me when I say hurting Asha is hurting me too! But I swear I’ll make it up to her once Aster comes down and brings all the serotonin she needs!! Aster is currently kicking his feet and screaming that he’s not in the story yet and can’t bring some much needed wholesome vibes.

Okay, oh my god, this chapter was so hard for me, I had a bunch of ideas I scrapped because I realized they would take too much time, but it turned out perfectly. We have the two villains try their own methods of manipulation, Magnifico trying to make Asha feel sorry for him, and Amaya using Asha’s own words against her. Both failed, so they resort to the method all Disney villains use to get what they want from the protagonist… VILLAIN SONG:

I got soooo excited when I had the idea of making this whole chapter take place on the same stairs Movie Magnifico goes through in “This is the thanks I get” and then get them to the room with the little puppets! AND THEN HAVE ASHA BE TURNED INTO A LITTLE DOLL TO REPRESENT HOW TO THEM SHES SMALL AND INSIGNIFICANT IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS AND HOW THEY HAVE THE WHOLE KINGDOM IN THE PALM OF THEIR HANDS AND SHE'LL SOON JOIN THEM-

Ya know I think it was neat :3

But anyway what do you think?

Try guessing what Asha’s wish was, no it wasn’t anything to do with drawing, don’t worry... Actually do worry, worry a lot, things will still be dark in the next chapter as Asha learns the truth about what the king and queen really do with the wishes... BUT HEY AT LEAST AFTER THAT SHE WISHES UPON A CERTAIN STAR SO THERE'S A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNEL WOOOH!

Oh also, I'll probably not be posting as frequently from now on because I'll start working after tomorrow.

Thank You For Reading!

[legs-like-jelly]

https://www.tumblr.com/legs-like-jelly/774147035985248256/iiiiiii-am-back-on-my-bs-okay-so-i-feel-like?source=share

dee teasing orion over purring this hard while he's being tickled and poor orion can't do anything about it except laugh and get flustered. the purr notably does not stop

when dee finally does stop and just sits there with orion as the other recovers orion is purring so loudly that it's audible even as he's giggling the residual tingles away - 🥝

hhguhdhhhhdhdsdggh....

god forbid dee rubs out some of those residual tingles because orion's purring will just get louder ARRGGGH..WHAT NEXT, HE LIKES KISSES ON HIS STUPID LITTLE MINI-FINIALS??? WHAT NEXT, HE AND DEE CLUNK THEIR HELMS TOGETHER LIKE CATS..

[drfuckerm-d]

i love mashing my interests together in my fists and im learning a new process today so here's what types of welding i think the bridge team (+some extras) from tng would do/enjoy

🩶picard does not care for welding, NEEEEXT (but if he did he would enjoy acetylene welding)(because he was born old) i think he should give it a shot anyways bc chipping the slag off a stick weld feels very much like archaeology.

❤️rikers dad made him weld i bet. mig. i don't think he liked it either but he was probably fine at it. like if he had to mig something together it wouldnt fall apart. immediately.

🧡geordi welds for surely, and he's good as fuck at it. mig, tig, arc, and beyond. HOWEVER, he seems like the type to prefer more advanced methods like stir welding and EBW. anything requiring some level of interfacing through a machine rather than stinger to steel. when i write fic i headcanon that since its the future there's cool new ✨futuristic✨ post-advent-of-space-travel welding methods that involve cold welding, and i think he'd like that, too. he is an engineer, after all, and there's overlap between these fields.

💛data would be fantastic at any kind of welding as long as he's studied up on it first, but i don't think he'd find any value in it beyond its function. you wouldn't find him on weld forums ogling any crisp weaves. the only reason he'd find a personal interest in it would be because his friends like it.

🤍tasha welds most definitely, and i think she's pretty good at it. her knowledge starts at mig, thru flux core and ends at arc -- i can't imagine the colony she came from had much use for tig or any of the more advanced methods. to her, i bet welding is just a useful repair skill everyone should know at least a little about, like sewing.

🤎worf has never tried welding but i think he would love arc welding. pipe. in the late summer. for nine hours. it's a real test of strength you can pride yourself on if you don't sweat yourself to death in your leathers. need to know what a klingon welding hood would look like. GET THIS GUY ON A PIPELINE NOW!!!!!

🩵iiiiiii think deanna would be really good at tig if she applied herself but i don't think she'd like welding at all. i don't think she'd like the smells, sounds, wearing the ppe, any of it. the fumes probably give her a headache. and that is ok 🙏

💙beverly can mig weld, i bet. it's neither here nor there for her, just something she can do in a pinch. it comes in handy when you're helping out around a colony, but as a doctor, she finds she's plenty of help without it anyways.

🩷i feel like wesley can hella tig weld. i think he's in the boat with geordi where they don't really care for the 'dirtier' types but overall he's more into the technical bits of engineering rather than the fabrication end of it. honestly, i think more than anything he'd be really into soldering. but anyways, tig welding is hard and impressive and he should be VERY PROUD of himself 🫶✨

💚q can weld stuff together with his mind. whatever. cheater. but if he was stripped of his q powers and made to weld he would hhhhhHHAAAATE it i promise. screaming and jumping at the sparks, touching the hot metal on accident and whinging about it, upset cuz he's too hot to be wearing leathers, etc. he would wilt. womp womp.

💜i bet guinan is secretly a master welder and she anonymously runs a welding forum and posts the most picturesque woven beads you've ever seen in your life. she's secretly the talk of all the techs at every docking station -- like banksy for people who chew dip. its art when she does it.

🖤lore hates welding he can and will bitch about it the entire time if he's made to. the only kind he can tolerate is mig but even then, he finds it all tedious. i think if you ever sat him down to arc weld for an hour and came back to check on him, all you'd find left would be a plate covered in errant strikes, 50 partially coated, bent-up rods all over the floor, and a broken stinger. he also seems like the type to not wear his leathers and then complain when he gets holes burnt into his arms.

[hana-the-ghostieee]

alright alright alright iiiiiii had An Idea that i might want to share with the world it just came to me a week ago and took it's sweet time running around my head but i don't want to just dump this all on the one poor friend i have that has to know everything about me sooooooooooo. here. featuring a very silly rui & tsukasa cuz i enjoy their dynamic (whether it be platonic or romantic :P they're silly little guys and i like em for it)

okay. so you know the song Che- Che- Check, 1! 2! by WADATAKEAKI or KurageP, right? the same dude that made Chururira Chururira Daddadda! if you were wondering. (all of you wxs fans probably know where i'm going with this.)

i kind of want to hear a Rui and Tsukasa cover, kind of like the Self-cover that takeaki himself did. i know the song is about being a student that's just falling really hard for your teacher but i want to hear them do it *only* and i mean *ONLY* for the whole 1, 2 joke (cuz YEAH that's what i'm here for that's the only reason i made this post)

from the cut things are ruikasa (romantically, not platonically) so if you aren't into that. sorry you got my point you may leave now.

edit: i originally did this on computer but posted it on mobile and ??? it deleted my changes (you know. content descriptions and tags and such) so uhm mhm.

(alright now that they're gone, you guys are my favorites. hi fellow ruikasaer here is where things get ~ juicy ~)

ooh ooh but. if there's a 2dmv. the part where the lyrics go "That's why I'll go do something bad/I'll sneak into the broadcast room in lunch break and play it" is yet another prank, where our weirdo wombo combo sneak into the broadcast room and just play. not sure. silly random noises i guess. idk but instead of going to plan. muehehe. sorry for the evil laugh uhm.

(or maybe they walked around school just recording people say happy birthday or something to nene because well let's have them do something nice for once instead of blasting confetti-filled cannons left, right and center)

whoever's plugging the audio in for the *whole* school to hear. instead of playing said silly random noises. manages to instead. play a recording of his confessions of love to his partner in crime. and you can tell he had background assistance cuz in the back emu and nene are going "wooaaahhhhh☆!!! he's gonna love this!!! it's really mooshy-wooshy and warm!!!" and "...yeah, i guess saying he's the star that lights up the dark void that once was your universe would work. good luck."

ooh or they get caught but one of them forgets their phone and then. after the silly random noises end. the whole school hears the most sappy, sickening confession ever. and rui's just sitting in the back, realizing he forgot his phone in the broadcast room, knowing he left it on autoplay, and he can't do anything but sit in this pool of dread and regret

anyways yeah uhmm that's all i have nothing left to share :P

and then of course the whole school teases them into next year. including the teachers. apparently being boyfriends come with a consequence. nene magically disappears for the next week or two and every time emu comes over during lunch break she gets really confused why everyone's just acting weird? where's nene-chan? what's going on between rui-kun and tsukasa-kun? did they fight again? no wait, i don't think you hold hands and call each other ruru and kasa after you fight... huhh??? whuhh??? bwuhh??? did they - *ugly breath in* OH MY GOD DID THEY CONFESS WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! [she managed to give heart attacks to half the student body and staff with that one scream. i wrote this i would know. and if you want to manifest it into sound assume it sounds like that one KYAAAAA!!! she did from Positive☆Dance Time. im sorry]

[zalrb]

OTH Rewatch Review 3x07

IIIIIII DON'T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYNA BE LATELYYYYYYYYY

Jesus Christ

So, like, here's the thing about this fucking Inception dream sequence. What is happening? Is Nathan dreaming about Haley making out with Brooke after waking up from a nightmare about Lucas and Chris in bed together after Lucas woke up from dreaming about being in bed with Brooke? Because it's a dream within within a dream. I don't know what your subconscious is like Nathan.

Nathan's grin. I mean, technically you've slept with both of them. AND HALEY'S SISTER.

"What is she doing talking to that troll?" "By troll do you mean Peyton?" Oh, Haley. How I love you sometimes.

Because Peyton fucking SUCKS.

"I'm over possessive-best-friends-with-weird-lesbian energy. And Haley!" That was actually a good delivery but if anyone has the lesbian energy here, it's Brooke and Rachel.

"Well, at least somebody wanted me." Oh, preteen Zal was SO frustrated with this ENTIRE storyline.

"HALEY, YOUR BOYFRIENDS ARE HERE." lol.

"You look so..." "Overdressed." Good delivery. But also Haley, my girl, the SUN is out, why are you wearing a little black dress?

I mean "little black dress" this is still OTH.

They really felt uncomfortable in the clothes they had to wear??

This is so dumb, she's clearly going out with Nathan and Haley too, Lucas.

YOU ALL HAVE CELL PHONES. CALL HER.

Ugh, Skills.

"I've been on kinky dates before..." with who? I guess s1 Nathan would've done something weird.

Remember how s1 Nathan was like a legit emotionally, verbally abusive villain?

"Let's spring [the senior in the nursing home]! It's just a couple of hours, what harm could it do?" If this was a dark comedy, he'd die.

Chris tipping a random woman on the beach and slapping her ass is just ... ugh. She should've slapped him. Alas, Mark Schwahn.

Haley having a quiet but profound breakdown. Brooke, "It's OK. Let's just go to the mall." And she is being helpful and it is very sweet but that's also hilarious. Uhhh, sorry that your wedding spot is being destroyed, let's just go to the mall instead. You know? Nothing profoundly sad happens at the mall.

"I can't believe she's doing this." IT WAS A GROUP DATE, LUCAS.

"This guy has caused a lot of trouble, Brooke knows that." Lucas, the people that he caused trouble between WERE WITH HER GETTING INTO THE CAR. YOU SAW THEM.

I swear to god Lucas, I would hit you. SHUT UP.

24. Braley are such better friends than Breyton.

25. I REALLY wish we got more Nathan and Brooke scenes because they had a really fun chemistry together and I liked that they were both being courted by Haley and Lucas and they could both understand where the other was coming from

26. Haley's laugh at Chris saying "Maybe he's afraid of me" is hilarious because she stops and continues. But Chris shutting her up with "Maybe he doesn't care anymore" was mean but well-played.

27. It's funny how Chris Keller is a better Damon than Damon. Because he's not a good actor but he doesn't overplay it.

28. Aww, jealous Nathan

29. James Lafferty's shoulders are quite broad this episode.

30. Nathan is vulnerable and you were practically giving the enemy a LAP DANCE. I mean she wasn't Brooke but the exaggeration is very Brooke and also very high school. I remember in high school we were at a school dance and this girl's boyfriend was getting jumped outside while she was dancing with another guy and all of us girls were like WHAT THE FUCK??? [INSERT NAME] IS GETTING JUMPED AND YOU WERE BASICALLY HAVING SEX ON THE DANCE FLOOR! What did we expect her to do? Get jumped with him?? Teenagers.

31. "I didn't do anything!" "Except for kiss Chris and run away with him?" I mean, she's got a point Haley. "What about you messing with Lucas and hiding all those letters you wrote to him under your bed?" I mean, she's got a point Brooke.

32. "I know this is where we made love in the rain." I mean, it wasn't ON the balcony though. It should've been.

33. "I still feel our past just like you do" well especially considering that you were the one who was left.

34. Rachel calling Lucas gay because he's CLEARLY into Brooke and is like please stop getting naked around me because I LOVE BROOKE is hilarious because what?

35. Chris also getting Brooke more and more drunk so they can have sex is incredibly gross.

36. "All of the celebrity..." she had ONE original song and was doing covers and opening for actual celebrities? WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?

37. We could also talk about the fact that Nathan was the one who encouraged her to sing in front of people etc. etc. and she wouldn't have been a "star" without him in her life at all.

38. Mouth's reveal that Mel is his grandfather is ... OK? I know this is supposed to push Peyton to Ellie but meh.

39. "SHE NOTEBOOKED YOU?" "I totally Notebooked him" lmao these references.

40. Nathan keeping a flower from the beach is Lucas keeping a feather from Brooke's wings.

41. *SIGH* Brooke and Chris. What, it takes like two more episodes for them to be together?

42. I also absolutely do not believe that Brooke wouldn't have kicked Chris out of the house right after sleeping with him. She'd be disgusted.

[aetheros]

not to be a downer but i hate when someone's like, "oh my 20s are almost gone, my 30s are almost gone, life is over, time is moving too fast, i can't afford to live, i can't afford to do my hobbies, i have no motivation, i'm running out of time, please help me."

and then some fucker responds "it's okay sweetie don't think that way, when iiiiiii was 30, i did all this shit. and when iiiii was 35, i did even more stuff. and when iiiii was 45/50/55/60/65, i did ALL these FANTASTIC things for my life and achieved/was given ALL this cool stuff, and i'm SO happy now."

like good for you. congratulations on having the money, resources, health, and motivation to achieve things most people will never get regardless of age, especially with a fascist, conservative world, climate change, overpriced everything and no income. congrats that you made it. we won't. gen z won't. gen alpha won't. congrats. you're not making people feel better. enjoy your nice home, nice clothes, nice car, nice hobbies and the energy to do it, and good health.

[biteyoubiteme]

you do not understand how happy and honored I was when nina sent this to me to beta read and I loved every second of it- UUUUGGGGHHH FWB YJ WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME- like no the way you wrote him is so undeniably yeonjun like him just being a gentleman down to a T like-

AND HANDHOLDING- nina wanted me dead honestly "his free hand would often be resting over your heart or holding yours, fingers interlaced" AAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHH "his hand over your heart, waiting for it to calm down, his lips pressed to your neck, whispering how much of a good girl you were for him." like no no no no no no no no no say it isn't so that I can't have him rn like-

now at first I went in with no warnings so when I tell you I was gagged at the tests like- and then on top of that the fall out ripped me up like- UUUUUGGGGHHHH peachy I don't know how mnay times I have to tell you that I love your writing style, I love your inner monologue and I love even more the details you pick to add in bc they are never things I would think to add and I love love love love love them-

also YEONJUN UNDERCUT MEOW MEOW MEOW-

yeonjun just knowing readers upset just by walking in the shop- taking the time to make sure reader doesnt get wet and worrying about how reader feels while also grappling with his own emotions ;-;-;;-;-;-;;-;-; I love him so much in this like you have no idea.

" it felt more like a cruel echo of something that could have been but was never destined to happen" AAAAAAHHHH THIS LINE WTF

" his favourite dress… on a date… in his favourite cafe… with some misogynistic asshole. " IIIIIII LLLOLOOOOOVVVEEEE THHHHIIISSS

I love you adding in the part about yeonjun trying to initiate sex when knowing the both him and the reader can only think about it being the last time- and how emotional this part is like uuuuugggghhhhhh this is one of my fav scenes bc it shows their characters soo so so well- ill cry

yeonjun remembering anything even the little things like how reader liked her tea and how she would have needed something to hold and look at when having the talk- uuuuuugggghhhhh I can't even tell you how much I loved this so much like you have no Idea (well you do bc I left over 80 comments on the doc-) but yeah ily bestie this was so good I jsut love your writing and im so excited for anything else you post in the future bc I could eat anything you wrote even if it was a shopping list you have no idea.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ♡ . ⠀broken rules, mended hearts

⠀⠀⠀fwb!yeonjun x fem!reader

genre : angst, hurt/comfort, smut, fluff at the end

warnings : dom fwb!yeonjun x sub!reader, both are intended more or less grown up as yeonjun has his own apartment and reader has a job; LOTS of kinks mentioned, but nothing too much; reader was “close to inexperienced” before yeonjun; unwanted pregnancy discussions; some misogyny (not from yeonjun, ofc); reader is awkward when it comes to dates and also puts yeonjun through a really bad emotional rollercoaster (but not on purpose); lots of misunderstandings and overthinking. reader wears a sundress (is it important?..). melancholic and angsty, but with a happy end

wordcount : 14k

note : sigh... thank you @biteyoubiteme for hyping me up, beta reading it and listening to all of my tantrums every 3k words. it wouldn't have happened without you ♡ i also don't know how it happened, i guess i just wanted a happy ending for fwb!yeonjun bad enough.

yeonjun had become soft recently. too soft. what was once regular doggy style slowly transformed into regular missionary, with your limbs wrapped tight around his body; occasional cowgirl rides, where he’d watch you struggle, hands behind his head, shifted to him holding you tight and helping you move on top of him. chests pressed close, as your breaths were mingling in the small, intimate space, heartbeats syncing as one. 

sharp quick bites turned into deliberate love marks he took his time to make, pressing his lips gently to each mark before moving to unmarked skin; quick frustrated slaps to your thighs and ass became more intended and calculated. he developed a habit of gripping handful after each slap, fingertips sinking into your flesh, before caressing bruised skin tenderly. he was marking you even more than before, but started doing it slowly, as if savouring every drag of his nails along your thighs, every touch, every bite, and wanting you to savour it too.

rare, tiny pecks that used to happen infrequently began appearing more often, slowly inching dangerously close to your lips. so slowly that you barely noticed it until you could smell mint toothpaste and faint honey chapstick he bought for himself because he loved the way yours smelled. his mean name-calling and degradation melted into sweet names and an almost unnecessary amount of praise. 

unnecessary, you chuckled to yourself bitterly. you never knew how much you needed yeonjun to be like that until he became the person who held you tight after each orgasm, his hand over your heart, waiting for it to calm down, his lips pressed to your neck, whispering how much of a good girl you were for him. sometimes he stayed the night, or made you stay. gosh, you even cockwarmed him through the night once, and you never wanted him to leave your body after that. 

what had started as a way to release frustration, stress, or anger, became something messy and confusing. he began refusing to have sex with you when he was angry, calling it “unfair to you”. he said he didn't want to pour all of his frustration onto you. you begged him sometimes, though. at first, because he was so unbelievably hot when he was like that and you craved him to be rough—the roughest—with you. later, because you wanted him to let it all out—bottling up emotions never did anything good for anyone, and you knew fucking you until you could barely think would help him.

sometimes he agreed, and sometimes he didn't. if he did, he still started softly, keeping his emotions down just for a moment to make sure you knew he wasn't angry at you, never at you, before throwing you on the bed and making you a dumb, trembling, whimpering mess beneath him. marks and love bruises bloomed all over your body as he fucked you senseless. when he refused, though, you talked about his day, ate ice cream or some of his favourite food, as frustration was slowly leaving his body and he was laughing more and more at your antics. understanding which one was needed started coming naturally for you somewhere along the way. and he confessed once that both were helping him the same, in their own ways. 

yeonjun started taking more charge when you were the one stressed too, almost pulling you away from his dick when he knew that getting fucked senselessly would only add to your burden. he acted like he knew better than you did, and the worst part was—he was right. he was doing exactly what you needed, almost every time, and if he ever misunderstood, he was quick to change his approach. it felt like he could get into your mind. or like you two were so perfectly suited, your flaws aligning like puzzle pieces, that no words were needed. you didn't know which one was worse.

it wasn't that sex had become boring or rare. against all odds, you both started reaching out to each other more often—not just on bad days, but when you were horny, or bored, or had free time. sometimes you’d text him because you missed him, and even though he agreed to meet every time, you refused to admit—even to yourself—that you just wanted to spend time with him, sex or not. 

you started experimenting more too. impulsive rough sex had its limits and lines yeonjun couldn't cross because he could hurt you while he couldn't control himself, but as it started happening on a cold head more and more often, you both found yourselves enjoying testing how far he could go, how much your body could take. he learned your limits—how many slaps your butt could endure, the right way to squeeze your throat to make you dizzy yet enjoying it, how many times he could deny your orgasm or grant it, how hard he could pull your hair to make you beg for more. you even got a pretty box of all the nice toys and added ‘yellow’ as a safe word just for him to explore your limits more comfortably. 

one day he mentioned a list of more things he would like to try—you weren’t sure if it was with you or in general, given his experience. you were close to inexperienced when the ‘friends with benefits’ thing started, and he introduced you to many of his kinks. surprisingly enough you loved each one, while being not too interested in the ones he was indifferent to. but there were more he wanted you to try, and he named only a few—free use with somnophilia, the thought of him using you any moment and any way he wanted already thrilled you; role play, the few ideas he shared sounded good already. but the one he mentioned and quickly brushed off was a spit kink, which stuck in your mind since then, conflicting with the ‘no kissing’ rule of his. 

yeonjun was a decent man too, always had been, so it was typically at least one for one when it came to oral activities between you two. of course, sometimes he could eat you out simply because he wanted to, not as a “return the favour” gesture, but usually you just skipped it for the sake of the main event unless he wanted to fuck your face. recently, however, it had changed too—eating you out had become a necessary part of the ‘main event’ for him, as if something had been unleashed within him. he would spend hours between your legs before or after fucking you—or both—and it felt like he had learned from the gods themselves. his free hand would often be resting over your heart or holding yours, fingers interlaced. and at the same time you had to beg him to let you suck him off, despite knowing you weren't that bad at it and that he clearly enjoyed the feeling of your mouth on him. you assumed he just enjoyed hearing your pathetic begging for his cock a little bit more.

you’d probably fucked on every surface in his apartment, which wasn't exactly weird, because you did it before too—often none of you had enough patience to get to the bedroom. but now it was different—he asked you if you liked the place, if it was comfortable for you, if the position was comfortable or if you would like something else. if you didn’t like it he never pulled you there even in the heat of a moment. his questions weren’t obvious, but you quickly caught on, jokingly suggesting you should fill a survey. he laughed, joking back and saying you two could move in together for the research to go faster.

it was confusing. he was confusing. and you hated it more than anything. except one thing—the way your “friends with benefits” arrangement was evolving lately made you feel soft and dizzy, made you dream of something more like you were a middle schooler writing her crush’s name in a diary and drawing a bunch of tiny hearts around it. it went against the ‘no catching feelings’ he’d set up in the beginning. you broke it at some point—maybe ‘friends with benefits’ thing wasn’t for you in general? you were hiding it, of course, but when he started changing, you started overthinking it. was he breaking the rule too? was it just normal behaviour for friends with benefits? was it just normal behaviour for him? 

you didn’t ask, afraid he would laugh at you and your stupid childish feelings. but you didn’t break what you had either, not knowing what to do to make it hurt the least in the end for you and choosing to go with the flow. you tried to not question anything he did, slowly giving him control over your relationship, not only in bed but out of it too. you had no idea how it was supposed to work in general, and he never explained except making a few rules and asking if you had any rules you'd like to have too. you couldn't think of anything, so you just mumbled something about you both checking for STDs, and he chuckled telling you it always went without saying.

a few weeks later it became the “we're strictly exclusive” rule, as you both realized that looking for anyone else was useless—you met each other’s needs well. you ditched condoms too—you’d been on birth control pills for years already, you were exclusive, and you both were clean. and he swore you would be into cum play just as much as he was. he turned out to be right, because condoms were prohibited in his and your place since the first night without one. it never crossed your mind, because it made sense, until one day, months later, you realized your period was late.

you had been staying at yeonjun’s house for nearly two weeks—his apartment was closer to your work, and with the quarter ending, he suggested you move in until you finished your extra work. it made sense, as you already had enough of your belongings there, and he often checked if anything needed to be bought. his gaze fell on your period supplies one day, and he realized that you should have been on your period for a few days already, but all the packages were still unopened. 

it wasn't too big of a deal, it had happened a few times before. these past two weeks had been stressful for you, so he just grabbed the last pregnancy test—making a mental note to buy more later—and handed it to you without any second thought. you didn't pay much attention to it either, taking it from him and going to the bathroom. after all, you were taking pills, and even though they weren't 100% effective, getting pregnant was still rare. the test showed positive though. 

seeing the pale little line next to the bright one made your whole world come crashing down. you stared at it, unable to comprehend what was worse. unwanted pregnancy? you didn't want to have children, not at that point of your life at least. yeonjun didn't want either. he was your friend with benefits for god's sake, that was completely uncalled for. it'd be uncalled for even if you were dating, and you weren't. you started spiraling. pregnancy could be dealt with, but he could think you did it on purpose, skipping your pills just to get pregnant, to baby trap him. he would hate you, you thought. he would yell at you to get out, saying he wanted nothing to do with you, that everything was a mistake, even meeting you.

yeonjun found you a few minutes later, sitting on the bathroom floor and staring at the test, tears streaming down your face. you didn't react to him calling you, and he didn't need to look at the test to know the result. you looked up at him, eyes puffy and red, holding out the test. he glanced at it quickly, but it felt like an eternity for you. it was the moment you realized the feelings you had caught for him were too strong, as your heart was breaking into the smallest pieces at the thought of him telling you to leave his life. and the worst thing was, you weren't so sure anymore what to do with the child, with the tiny piece of him. 

you waited for him to yell at you, but he never did. yeonjun wasn't excited or even happy to become a father, but he sat down next to you and held you while you fell apart in his arms, trying to keep at least the biggest pieces of you together. he promised to hold your hand through every step of pregnancy, birth, and parenthood if the test was right and you wanted to keep the baby. he said you could move in with him here, and he would turn his little dance room into a nursery and baby’s room later, or even sell that apartment to buy a bigger one. he swore to never leave you two alone, and if you needed a guarantee, he was ready to marry you as soon as possible.

yeonjun ran to get more when he was sure you had calmed down. it turned out the test was expired and showed a false positive—you weren't pregnant, and you were relieved. he visibly relaxed too—he never told you he was happy you weren't pregnant but you knew him well enough already to know it yourself, and weren’t mad at him even for a second—you felt absolutely the same. the whole situation drained you completely though, and you fell asleep early that day, wrapped tightly in yeonjun's arms as he kept you together after all the shocks of the day. 

that was the last time it happened, the unwanted and unhappened pregnancy drawing a line between you that was little by little becoming a growing gap. you distanced yourself from him, and he started reaching out much less frequently too. you didn't know what was going through his head, but you assumed he realized that having a child was too much—maybe with you, maybe in general—and the risk wasn't worth it. you were thinking something similar: if you were going to take that risk, you'd prefer doing it in not only an exclusive but also committed relationship, and you couldn't have it with yeonjun no matter how much you wished the rule didn’t exist.

it brought you here, sitting half ready for a date on the couch in your apartment, phone in hand. you hadn't heard from yeonjun in three weeks, and for three weeks, you tried to keep your mind as empty as your hollow heart was, afraid that even the smallest thought about what you two had would ruin the little composure you managed to get. but it didn't happen—you’d just basically analyzed everything that happened in these months, and it didn't break you. it only left you more empty. 

you looked down at the messaging app. the chat with yeonjun was still pinned to the top, little ‘3w’ at the top right corner mocking you. i'll unpin it later, you thought, moving your gaze lower. there was one unread message from ‘jaeyong’. “will be there in an hour, baby ;)”, sent twenty minutes ago. you almost made a face at the word ‘baby’—only yeonjun didn’t make it sound cringe. you hadn't even met the guy yet, you matched with him on tinder a few days ago. surprisingly so, because you were ready to give up, as you kept comparing everyone to yeonjun, and of course, no one was ever close. you weren't even sure how you swiped that one right, probably by accident, but you did. maybe it was destiny?

the ice cream cafe you agreed to meet at was nice, as you had seen it daily on your way to work and were a regular during certain periods, visiting almost daily. they offered a variety of tasty treats, so you didn't have to limit yourself to just ice cream alone. the workers were always friendly too despite the constant stream of customers, but you knew quieter hours as a person who sometimes stayed extra hours at work. or as someone who spent countless days in the area, you realized as your gaze fell upon the window table you and yeonjun used to sit in the late evenings, laughing at each other's poor ice cream flavour choices.

when jaeyong asked you if you had any preferences for the meeting place, you named that cafe without any second thought—he was a stranger and you didn't want to meet him somewhere near your house, but you didn't want to go to an unfamiliar area either. he didn't know where you were working too except brief occupation description, so a cafe not so far from work seemed safe. it felt safe too, but for a completely different reason than you initially thought. it wasn't about the familiar area or the familiar workers; it was about the safety and peace you felt when you were there with yeonjun.

you had to gather some strength to tear your eyes away from the table you two used to occupy regularly and choose another table. you sat down and put your purse on your knees, checking your watch. you were a few minutes early, and it made you uneasy—were you supposed to be a bit late? was it expected from you as some… unspoken rule? should you have waited outside? but it was drizzling lightly, it might ruin your hair or make up. were these good even? yeonjun barely cared if you were barefaced and wore a ponytail, a braid or a bun, so over the months you had gotten out of the habit of dolling yourself up when it wasn't necessary.

but it was necessary now. and you had to stop thinking about yeonjun. you inhaled and exhaled slowly—he was a finished chapter in your life, and you had to move on. you had a date with another man. even if that one didn’t work out, it was a start already. the first step was always the hardest one, and you hoped that this first step would at least help you realize what you were looking for—something that wasn’t just ‘yeonjun’. 

but jaeyong turned out to be… not exactly what you expected. he was a bit late, but you greeted him with a wide smile nevertheless, getting up to hold out your hand to shake his. his cute apologetic smile fell, and he shook your hand awkwardly. you mentally slapped yourself—you had no idea what he expected you to do, but it probably wasn't a handshake that was usually exchanged only between men. you sat back down, nervousness coming back, as you pulled your chair closer to the table, which made him raise his eyebrow. of course. minus another point—you were supposed to let him pull your chair out instead of doing it yourself. 

by the time you finished your dessert, you lost count of how many points you lost. you came up to the counter to order your food yourself instead of telling him so he could order for you both. you paid for your coffee and dessert. you sat on your own again, because you forgot he tried so hard to be a gentleman. you probably ate and drank in some wrong way, but you couldn’t understand what exactly you did wrong—you didn’t talk with your mouth full and didn’t laugh like a hyena at his latte moustaches, showing it subtly on yourself to give him a hint. was that wrong?..

but it wasn’t the worst part of the date. you thought nothing could be worse than being silently judged for every little thing, but then he started talking about his ex. how she wanted to focus on her career instead of giving birth to a few precious babies and become a housewife, while he would work hard to support them all. she had told him that from the beginning, but he was sure she would change her mind—all women did, it was their role after all. he said he was on the verge of achieving it, but she broke up with him for something trivial. you were too close to losing another few points for the sake of checking your tinder profile in the middle of the conversation—you were sure you had ‘don’t want to have kids yet’ there. 

you throw a quick glance outside the window. the rain was pouring now and you didn’t have an umbrella—you hadn’t checked the forecast and had to use your jacket to cover your head when the drizzle started on your way here. and you obviously didn’t have a ride home or at least to the nearby subway station, leaving you with only option—losing a few more points by getting a taxi on your own instead of letting jaeyong get it for you. he was too much of a creep to know even the street you were living on. 

your gaze moved to the window table once again. you never realized how easy it was with yeonjun despite that ‘friends with benefits’ thing complicating everything. at least it was safe with him, and even when he was unpredictable, he was unpredictable in the best way possible. not to mention all the other things that made him so much better than the man sitting across from you now. you pressed your lips together—you missed him, missed the way you felt when you were with him, even though you were sure you’d get your heart broken at some point. but maybe you were just biased toward jaeyong, because your brain still was occupied with thoughts of yeonjun?..

suddenly, your date fell silent. right, not paying attention, minus another point. you suppressed the urge to sigh and looked back at him, hands fidgeting with an empty cup, the textured print feeling nice under your fingers. he threw a quick glance at your hands—minus one more point?—before continuing where he left off, probably launching into another story about why another woman was a gold digger for paying for herself on a date with him. you had abandoned hope of finding any sense in his life views long ago, so you just let his words wash over you without truly listening. 

the bell over the door rang softly, announcing another customer coming in. you looked up, curious about the other lost soul who ended up being in this cafe instead of the warmth of their home, and froze. the person's back was turned to you as they put their umbrella into the stand, but you could swear it was him. his hair was shorter, much shorter, not covering his neck anymore, a neat undercut looking foreign on him—he had one long before you met, you saw photos, but you never saw it in real life. but it was undoubtedly him. yeonjun.

your certainty didn't help you, though, when he turned and looked at you immediately—there was no one else in the cafe after all, of course he looked at you. his face looked different somehow with the shorter hair, but he still was your yeonjun. your heart skipped a beat when your eyes met. he was shocked, his eyes huge and mouth agape, but his expression changed when he noticed a man sitting across from you. his gaze hardened, and he pressed his lips together. yeonjun understood it was a date, he wasn't dumb, but he didn't have time to mourn his heart, because his subconscious threw a huge ‘attention!’ sign at him, making him pause to understand what his gut was trying to tell him.

yeonjun wanted to leave—his house was nearby, and he could make coffee himself and maybe grab an ice cream tub from the convenience store on the way there. but you looked… wrong. something was wrong about you. he felt like it took him a few eternities to realize you were uncomfortable—he rarely saw you like this, you were always at ease with him, barely ever tense, nervous or anxious, but you were all of those now, and he knew he couldn't leave you like that. he had to make sure you were safe, if your date turned out to be a creep, not to mention his umbrella was the only one in the stand, meaning you didn't bring yours, and the rain wouldn't stop until tomorrow morning. 

he took his jacket off, purposefully hanging it on the floor hanger next to yours—even closer than the jacket of your date. you noticed it with the corner of your eyes, despite looking at jaeyong and trying not to make him suspicious. you knew yeonjun was making a statement with it—”i'm here, i'm next to you, i'm not going anywhere”—even though he was clearly upset with you. you could see it perfectly. he wasn't upset with you very often, but you had seen it enough when it came to other people getting on his nerves.

but you still felt at ease just from seeing yeonjun deciding not to leave you alone. he noticed it too—maybe he rarely ever saw you uncomfortable, but the relief written all over your face and body was a stark contrast to the way you looked when he first walked in. he barely glanced at the cashier while ordering his usual—iced americano and mint choco ice cream—his gaze never leaving you even when you weren’t looking at him directly. he knew you could still see him over your date’s shoulder. 

yeonjun chose a place to sit with the same intent—he took a table in the corner just near the counter, positioning himself so you could see him fully without it being obvious, and so he could keep you in his sight. he was thankful the three of you were the only people in the cafe, allowing him to hear every little thing your date said to you—and he sounded like a misogynistic piece of shit. yeonjun wanted nothing more than to just drag you away from the man. no woman should ever listen to something like that. he shook the thought ‘especially mine’ away—you weren’t his anymore. never had been. 

it was taking you too long to end the date, when you obviously weren't interested, yeonjun noticed after fifteen more minutes of listening to more of that asshole’s bullshit. then it hit him—this might be the first time you were dealing with a douchebag like that one, and you had no idea how to handle it. yeonjun’s palms pressed against the table, ready to stand, when he heard something that made his blood boil.

“are you a virgin, by the way? should have asked you from the start.” 

your hands froze on your cup. what did he just ask? was it that important? you didn’t know how to respond. no, of course, you knew that you weren’t one, but the question felt absurd—something no one should ask on the first date unless it really mattered to them. and if it did… he probably wasn’t concerned about taking your virginity, you doubted he thought it was too much of a bother, or that he was looking for an experienced woman only. he wanted a virgin.

why it’s taking you so long to tell him to fuck off, gosh! yeonjun groaned internally, stomping toward your table. he grabbed your wrist, fingers digging into your skin—gesture comforting for both you and yeonjun in some weird way. with a sharp tug, he pulled you out of your seat, not even sparing a glance at the piece of shit you were on a date with—yeonjun knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from punching that asshole if he so much as looked at him. he didn’t say anything to you either—not because he didn’t want to, but because he was afraid of what might spill out in his frustration and anger.

but you didn’t need him to say anything—you followed him obediently to the coat rack, where he grabbed both of your jackets in one hand. he pulled you toward the exit, throwing a short ‘umbrella’ over his shoulder, and you grabbed it from the stand, turning back only to offer the cashier an apologetic smile and a small nod goodbye. he knew you two, often being the one on the shift when you visited the cafe, and while that behaviour wasn’t regular for you two, he’d overheard the conversation and understood what was happening. he was ready to step in if needed, but he was relieved he didn’t have to, because it could have costed him his job. 

yeonjun held the door for you, even though he was still holding your wrist and pulling you outside himself, and you realized he never had to try hard to be a gentleman—he always was one. he stopped under the canopy next to the window, making sure you were protected from the rain until he could open the umbrella and take you home—he turned his back to the wind, shielding you from the cold raindrops, blocking them from hitting you, his jacket hung over his shoulder carelessly freeing his hands so he could put your jacket on you.

his actions weren't gentleman-like—he didn’t hold your jacket, gracefully standing behind your back and carefully pulling it up your arms until it was fully on. yeonjun was sharp with his movements, almost yanking the umbrella from your hand and hooking it over his forearm, as he put the jacket behind you waiting for you to put your arms into the sleeves, trapping you between it and himself. you weren’t against it though, feeling safe for the first time in hours, and feeling like home for the first time in almost a month, as you felt him pull it up sharply to cover your back and shoulders before grabbing his own jacket. 

you took the umbrella from yeonjun and opened it, holding it behind his back to shield him from the rain as he slipped into his jacket. he glanced at you, surprised, but you met his gaze with a soft smile, happy to be near him again and trying not to think about the conversation awaiting for you at his apartment—it wouldn’t be nice, it would be the one that would end everything between you two. so for now you wanted to enjoy the little warmth and care you had for each other while it lasted, you were going to burn each one of his words into your brain and each of his touch into your skin, so you could hear and feel it for months.

yeonjun took the umbrella back—much softer already—when he was done with the jacket, holding it between your bodies to cover you both from the rain before stepping out of the canopy and walking you to his apartment. despite him trying his best to navigate the umbrella so you were protected from the cold rain, he noticed the shoulder that was further from him getting wet—the wind was too strong, and even though the umbrella was huge, you had to be closer to him to get a bit more covered. he would have easily held the umbrella over you only, going under the rain himself, but he knew you would never let him, he always had to agree with your stubbornness when it came to his well-being. 

“wrap your arm around my waist,” yeonjun said, realizing he sounded sharper than he intended. he was still upset about the way you just sat there listening to bullshit about women’s worth being measured in amount of children and how much she served her husband. he knew it didn’t make sense to be mad at you, because it wasn't your fault in the slightest, but there was something much bigger. 

you were on a date. with someone else. 

you had distanced yourself from him after the expired pregnancy test incident, not letting him in no matter how much he tried to make you talk to him, and he started shutting down too. you both had suffered for weeks like that until everything ended with some stupid text message about the hoodie you lost, asking him if it was at his place. and then, three weeks later, he found you having a date with some asshole at the cafe he started considering as a place for the two of you only. yeonjun knew it was his rule to not catch feelings, he knew he was being unfair to you by feeling that way, but he couldn’t stop the frustration spiraling inside of him.

even the way you wrapped your arm around his waist like he told you to, your hand holding the side of his jacket, didn’t help. he still put his hand over yours, interlacing fingers with yours and putting your hands together into his pocket, though—the place your hand was at was constantly under rain, and he didn’t want you to get cold, no matter how upset he was. or how much it went against any rules you seemed so determined to follow, yet failed to uphold. he was breaking them, and you were letting him—just like now, not pulling your hand away from his grasp. did you even remember there was a rule against intimate touches like this one?

were you breaking the rules on purpose too, just like he was? were you capable of breaking the most important one—the one that was about being exclusive? yeonjun’s jaw tightened as he threw a quick glance at you, when he felt your steps falter slightly for a moment. he thought that you might stumble, but instead you made a small, quick step instead of a regular one to match his stride. you did it often—not falling into step with him, but adjusting yourself to match him like it was natural for you, effortless. now, though, it seemed like you were ready to just throw it all away as something you didn’t need anymore. his throat tightened, and he swallowed hard, his grip on your hand tightening briefly before he caught himself and loosened it.

yeonjun had noticed how much you’d changed these few months before the pregnancy test, when he started changing too—you’d become softer with him, a bit more reserved, but still softer. you had also grown more obedient—not that you hadn’t been before, but now you seemed to do what he wanted or needed without him having to say anything most of the time. it was probably another way you adjusted yourself for him. but he had to be too cautious around you, holding back his own softness and tenderness sometimes, because you had developed a habit of pulling away when he was too gentle. he couldn’t get his head around you, and holding back and overthinking were tiring.

and then he had said he wouldn’t leave if you were pregnant, words about marriage slipping out on its own. his only intention was to calm you down—he wasn't lying, of course. he was ready to take responsibility, to support and love you and the baby if it came to that. but it felt like he had ruined everything. this time, though, he was sure he knew why. he knew you didn’t want children—not yet, at least—and though you two never had never discussed anything like marriage, he assumed you weren’t interested in a long-term relationship either, and he only pushed you away with his words, making you seek someone who would be able to keep ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement as it was supposed to be. 

and now? now, you were here, arm wrapped around his waist, your hand warm, nice and gentle in his, fingers interlaced. you weren’t just letting him hold you close—you were holding onto him too. you weren’t simply allowing him to hold your hand; you held it just as tight, your thumb brushing against his skin, and yeonjun wasn’t sure if you were doing it on purpose or not. you two looked like a couple, yet to him, it felt more like a cruel echo of something that could have been but was never destined to happen—he clenched his teeth, irritation bubbling in his chest at the way you played push and pull with him now. 

yeonjun could still picture your eyes when you realized he chose to stay in the cafe instead of leaving you alone with that asshole. you had looked at him like he was your saviour—as if he’d been the knight who swooped in to save the princess, despite the ‘knight’ looking like he had just woken up after thirteen hours of sleep on the couch, throwing on a jacket and shoes over the hoodie and sweatpants he was sleeping in, to grab coffee at the cafe nearby. but knights never got princesses, did they? no, that was reserved for princes. knights were just tools that came in handy when princesses needed to use someone. knights were disposable. 

was he just the lesser evil for you back there? would you have pretended he wasn’t there if your date hadn’t turned out to be such a creep? part of him was convinced you would have, despite the rational part of his brain trying to make him realize it wasn’t like you at all. why would you follow him to his place instead of asking him to get you to the nearest subway station? why would you hold his hand like this? why would you seem so relaxed beside him now? because she wants to toy with me some more, yeonjun thought bitterly, yanking your hands out of his pocket and letting go of yours. 

you looked up at him, surprised, already missing the warmth of his touch—the short walk hadn’t been enough for that warmth to burn itself into your skin the way you needed it to, but if he thought it was enough… you held yourself back from reaching for his hand again—he was clearly upset with you, and you didn't want to play with fire. you weren't sure why he would bring you here then, though. no, it was obvious he just didn't want to cause a scene outside, but was there any point in in trying to talk things through if the end result was the same—breaking up… whatever you had?

yeonjun yanked the front door of the building open, following you right behind to hold the umbrella over you until you were safely inside, shielded from the rain. he shook the raindrops off harshly, closing the umbrella and standing a few feet away from you, facing the elevators after checking that you had pressed the button. he turned his head slightly, avoiding even a glance at you from the corner of his eyes—it was too painful and too irritating at the same time. the silence hung heavily, and he exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when the elevator doors opened with a quiet ‘ding’. he stepped aside to let you enter first, following after and pressing the button for his floor, turning his back to you immediately. 

you thought nothing could make an elevator ride with yeonjun longer and more unbearable than wanting to have your hands all over each other already, but having to limit yourselves to subtle touches because of the elevator cameras. but now, awkwardness and yeonjun's simmering anger stretched the seconds into eternity. you pressed yourself into the corner, silently wishing it'd just swallow you, your eyes trailing yeonjun standing before the doors, refusing to look at you. your gaze fell to the nape of his neck—his hair was so short there now… he had kept the bangs, and had shortened hair on top of his head just a bit—it still covered his temples, but you could see hair there was just as short when he ran his fingers through it, which he did often. tips of your fingers itched to touch it, but you held back—you couldn't do things like that anymore.

the little screen finally displayed yeonjun's floor number, and you moved forward at the same time as he stepped aside to give you room to leave the elevator. the ‘ladies first’ gesture would have been flattering if it wasn't for his step being a little too big, as if he was trying to keep as much distance as the small space allowed. it hurt, even though his intentions to stay away from you were obvious by the way he was keeping his distance in the hall. you still couldn’t understand why he brought you here—you could as well finish everything in ugly way through messages, there was no need to see each other’s faces.

you exited the elevator, stepping aside to let yeonjun go first—you no longer had the keys, they were left dangling on the key rack in his apartment some time before the last conversation. you weren’t sure why you had done it, though—he had never made you feel unwelcome there, but once again, you had done lots of stupid things lately, once that felt right at the time, but grew increasingly stupid with every second you thought about it, so you decided to simply stop thinking about everything you did. childish? pretty much, but compared to watching yourself destroy everything with your own hands, it felt like the lesser evil.

yeonjun opened the door, letting you step inside first, and locked it behind you. he placed the umbrella in its stand and crouched down to undo his shoes, still not saying a word to you. his mind was restless, every glance at you sinking another dagger into his chest and fueling his anger. you stood before him, your legs right in front of his eyes, your short sundress—one of his favourites, the one you started wearing more often after he told you he loved the way it looked on you—barely covering any skin, especially from his current angle. he jerked his head downward, jaw tightening. his favourite dress… on a date… in his favourite cafe… with some misogynistic asshole. 

yeonjun stood up and made a few steps further into the apartment, his socks slipping slightly against the floor. he shrugged off his damp jacket carelessly, hanging it on the hook, before finally turning to look at you. his gaze caught the mirror on the inside of the door over your shoulder though, and he double-checked his reflection instinctively. he had cut his hair just a few days ago and still couldn’t get used to the way he looked. his own reflection felt like a stranger, whenever he saw it with the corner of his eyes. there was no long hair he had been growing out for a year anymore. he decided to go back to the undercut he had as his go-to hairstyle for a few years before meeting you. his hair already started growing out when you met, and somehow, when you stayed in his life as his friend with benefits he let it keep growing, trimming it from time to time a bit. 

and when you left… yeonjun wasn’t sure why he had cut it. maybe it was an attempt to return the person he had been before meeting you—someone less broken, less hollow, no matter how stupid it sounded if he thought about it for more than a minute. not even because his hairstyle and your presence hadn’t been the only things different from the past—too many things had changed this year—but because it’d never be enough to erase every reminder of you from his life, which had been the real reason of him cutting his hair off, even though he refused to admit it to himself even. he hadn’t even done anything else, cutting his hair was the only thing that he had done, because he couldn’t get rid of other little things that reminded him of you. and ridiculously enough, the undercut became another reminder—he thought of you whenever he saw his reflection or touched his hair. 

yeonjun tore his gaze away from the mirror, finally looking at you. you were standing near the door, your jacket and shoes still on, leaving faint, wet marks on the doormat, your hands fidgeting with the clasp of your purse. you looked so small, so vulnerable, like someone who needed to be protected every moment of their life. he couldn’t believe you had gone on a date with a stranger—with some jerk, who just saw you—or any woman—as an incubator, but the incubator had to be a virgin, of course, of course. it sounded ridiculous and disgusting even in his own head, and yet you had been sitting there, listening to all that bullshit, like it was completely fine. 

“why didn’t you say anything?” the words came out bitter and sharp, yeonjun wasn’t even going to ask that—he knew why and he knew it wasn’t your fault, but the words left his mouth before he could think about it. his fists clenched at his sides, nails digging into his palms as he tried to keep his voice steady, though he knew it was a losing battle. “back there. to that asshole.” 

you frowned, looking up at him in confusion. he knew why you hadn’t said anything, why you hadn’t done anything. he had stayed and stepped in exactly because he knew. did he want you to say it out loud? to admit that you had been absolutely helpless and would have had to ask the cashier for help if things escalated? to confess that you would have kept listening to all that misogynistic trash if he hadn’t dragged you out? 

“because i didn’t know what to say,” you responded quietly, your nails biting into your palms. “if it wasn’t for you—”

something snapped in yeonjun at the sound of your voice after three weeks of only hearing it in old voice messages. he appeared before you in just a few swift steps, pressing your back into the mirror on the inside of the front door with one smooth motion—you couldn't even comprehend what happened until you felt a sharp bite on the side of your neck and his cold hand, the one that had been holding the umbrella, running up your thigh, leaving faint red lines with nails and lifting the skirt of your sundress before delivering a hard, sharp slap to your skin. you yelped and jerked, never expecting it, arms wrapping around his shoulders, but he only pressed you harder into the front door with his body, thigh pushing between your legs, and his second hand finding its place on your breast, kneading it roughly.

it was far from the first time something similar happened—yeonjun had gone through a stressful period when you both decided to try the ‘friends with benefits’ agreement, and you found yourself with your face pressed against a random surface as he pounded you into it until your legs were sore, quite often. the front door too, of course—it had been a favourite of his in the beginning, chosen for its speed and convenience. but that was the thing—in the beginning. later, you admitted it was far from your favourite place—the mirror was uncomfortably cold at first and then weirdly warm under your cheek, chest or shoulder blades, and it made a weird screeching sound whenever your skin rubbed against it, and you couldn't stop thinking about people passing by. it had been the last time you had sex or even made out there. until now.

yeonjun didn't leave a small gentle kiss over the bite on your neck too, his hand didn't linger to soothe the slapped skin of your thigh, even for a moment. he jerked your skirt up too sharply, cursing at the way it got in the way between his thigh and your crotch, and when he finally managed to pull it high enough to his liking, he slapped your thigh once again to silently command you to lift your leg over his waist—instead of wrapping his fingers around your thigh and lifting it himself like he had started doing not so long ago. you loved when he was like that back then, loved all of it, but now, compared to the way you knew he could be with you, it was almost devastating. 

deep inside you hoped to have sex with him just one last time before your paths parted for good, but this… this wasn’t what you expected, not what you wanted. you didn’t want to feel like you were back to square one, no matter how hot he looked now or had been in the beginning, because back then you were nothing to each other—except ‘friends with benefits’. yeonjun meant much more for you now, and deep down, you hoped you had grown to mean more to him too, but perhaps you didn’t know him well enough to know what his mixed signals meant. 

yeonjun cursed breathlessly into the skin of your shoulder, and it was the first time since he pushed you into the mirror that he allowed himself to touch your skin with his lips alone, without using his teeth. just that simple gesture made him dizzy—being tender with you again. he had another problem, though—no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't seem to get fully hard. yeonjun had no idea why—you finally were next to him, your arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, as he marked you like it was the last time— it was, he realized. it was the last time, and he couldn’t even fuck you properly so you wouldn’t think of anyone else no matter how much other men tried to please you. it irritated him even more, but he hoped his thigh would suffice—he had always been able to make you cum on it easily. 

you heard another curse from him, barely heard over your racing thoughts. you were far from understanding the reason behind it—probably something about you again. was it better than nothing? better than just having an awkward conversation about ending the arrangement and never seeing each other ever again? never— you couldn’t hold back the sniffle, your nose starting to burn as tears welled up in your eyes. you put your palms on yeonjun’s shoulders. no. you didn’t want to remember your last encounter like this, because you remembered the way your sexual encounters ended in the very beginning. one of you—the one who was a ‘guest’—would dress up in silence, get a taxi for themselves and leave the apartment, shutting the door for the other one to lock later. that didn’t last long, but if he was back to the very beginning… you knew you wouldn’t be able to leave his bed. 

another quiet sniffle left you, as you tried to push yeonjun away by his shoulders. “yeonjun, please,” your voice was too quiet, too small—you weren’t even sure if he had heard you, and even if he did, he might misinterpret it as you asking for more, because he pressed you harder into the mirror, rubbing his thigh against your crotch. “jjun, s-stop,” you sobbed out, fingers digging into the fabric of his hoodie, silently begging him to put an end to this confusing, heart-wrenching encounter.

yeonjun froze at the nickname said like that—with a sob—his body tense. had he hurt you?.. had he ruined everything? of course, he did, what a failure he was. he failed himself, but it didn’t matter because he failed you so much more. “i’m sorry, baby,” yeonjun whispered into your skin one last time before moving away and turning his back to you. he couldn’t look at you—not now, not like this. he didn’t deserve to. he was glad you stopped him before he went too far, because he knew he’d break if he continued, but he was too stubborn to stop on his own. to end everything himself too. 

you stood frozen behind him, his absence hitting you like a blow despite you being the one who pushed him away, a gaping hole replaced his presence. it wasn’t just your body that felt cold; it seeped into your skin, into your bones. you’d never felt so empty in your life. it wasn’t fair. none of this was fair. was that it? the end? were you supposed to turn around, open the door, and leave, acting like nothing had ever happened? was that what yeonjun expected you to do? not even a ‘goodbye’?.. you stared at his back, not being able to believe he wouldn’t turn around to at least look at you one last time. 

but even with all the confusion and insecurity, you didn’t want to leave. the thought of walking out that door, of leaving him behind, felt like tearing a piece of yourself away. you weren’t ready to let go, weren’t ready to forget everything. the only thing that was holding you back from telling him it was certainty that yeonjun wanted you to leave, but maybe—just maybe—there was a tiny possibility that he wanted you to stay? maybe finding someone else for this kind of relationship was too bothersome for his busy life? maybe you could push your feelings away?

yeonjun’s mind raced just as much, each second of silence stretching unbearably long. the absence of any sound from you was deafening. were you going to leave? why hadn’t you left already if you wanted to, so he could mourn his heart in peace? maybe you didn’t want to— he clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms. stop being an idiot, yeonjun. of course, she does. he wanted to turn around and tell you that he didn’t want you to leave, that he didn’t want it to end, wanted to promise you to keep everything in the ‘friends with benefits’ limits, never breaking any rules ever again. but words stuck in his throat, weighed down by the fear of rejection, of hearing you say out loud that you didn’t want him anymore.

his heart shattered when he heard the sound of the door being unlocked. this was finally it—the moment he’d feared. you pulled the door handle down, and… and he didn’t hear the door open. you didn’t open the door, but you didn’t let go of the handle either, frozen right before the final step. you knew he wouldn’t go after you—if you left now, it would be the end. you looked down at your fingers wrapped around the shiny metal. no. it was unfair, it was wrong—too many things you left unsaid, and he could be the same. you tried to think for him, assume what he wanted, and it was wrong. and even if he  just laughed in your face, it wouldn’t make your heartbreak much worse anyway. 

you let go of the door handle, letting it click back into place, and turned to yeonjun. he didn’t look back, didn’t turn around, but you noticed he was even more tense than before—probably not knowing what to expect. you cleared your throat, but it didn’t help, because your small “is this the end?” was barely audible, all the confidence you’d mastered just a few seconds ago disappearing the moment you opened your mouth to ask something that felt like it’d seal your fate.

but yeonjun heard it, of course, he did. he’d been waiting to hear your voice from the moment he turned away. he had to almost force himself to shut his damn mouth before he said ‘yes’, thinking it'd be best for you to stay away from someone as broken as him. you deserved to hear an honest response, even if your reaction to it broke his heart. yeonjun knew he had to stop deciding what was best for you—you were an adult, capable of making your own mistakes. if you let him stay in your life, he would simply help you deal with the consequences if you needed it. and maybe staying with him wasn’t even a mistake in the first place. 

yeonjun turned around and it felt like he hadn’t seen you for the whole eternity. he knew you hadn't left, but seeing you there… he wanted nothing more than to hold you and never let go. but he couldn’t. and he couldn’t say the truth openly either—he was afraid to influence your decision if he said he didn’t want it to end, so he tried to phrase it differently. “if you want to,” yeonjun knew it wasn’t his best, far from one actually, but it was better than anything he could come up with—much better than ‘yes, it is’. you didn’t reply, though, staring at him like your head was completely empty, panic rising in your expression. yeonjun swallowed thickly. “do you want to leave?” he asked, trying to help you.

the answer was so simple, just two letters—’no’. but somehow, every little thing about that short word was so complicated, and it was stuck on your tongue, because just ‘no’ wouldn’t be enough to explain everything. but yeonjun was waiting, and even though he tried his best not to show how anxious he was to hear your answer, you could tell he was. “i don’t know,” the words left your mouth before you could think them through. it was a lie, a goddamn lie. you knew! you knew you didn’t want to leave, why in the world would you say you didn’t? 

yeonjun watched the whole kaleidoscope of emotions on your face, and none of them were positive. you looked on the verge of tears even. this was the moment he realized he had changed, because the storm in his heart had finally calmed, and he knew everything he needed to know. it wasn’t even because your face had told him that your words weren’t what you actually meant, but because in the past, he’d have gotten frustrated, angry even because it wasn’t a clear ‘no’. but now? now, even if you really didn’t know, he could only feel a wave of calmness wash over him, because he couldn’t see it as anything except ‘not a yes’. 

you saw the tension leave yeonjun’s body—his posture relaxed and his face softened—and that’s when you realized you’d fucked up bad. he didn’t like unclear answers, always trying to guide you to give him a certain one. unsure about trying something new? he’d say he’d start slowly until you got your head around it and told him explicit yes or no. confused about your feelings? he’d listen to your unstructured stream of thoughts, gently guiding it when you got lost, until you could give him an answer. but now? now he was probably too tired of your shit to do any of that. 

yeonjun approached you in a few huge steps, towering over you—you felt smaller than you actually were, looking at him with wide eyes, unsure of what to expect. was he going to open the door and tell you to get out? you pressed yourself against it, palms flat on the cool surface of the mirror you hated touching, the uncomfortable feeling only worsening the anxiety in your chest. he raised his hand and you turned your head slowly to follow the movement with your eyes, your insides twisting in anxiety—you should have left instead of asking that stupid question, because maybe there could’ve been a chance to start over a few months from now, but you had ruined it with that stupid ‘i don’t know’.

you looked adorable when you were scared, yeonjun realized. a flicker of a smirk crossed his mind—maybe he should introduce you to some fear play. he slapped himself mentally—he was so relieved that you hadn’t left, that his mind started wandering, and it clearly wasn’t time for that. his hand reached for the lock, fingers curling around it, and he turned it slowly, the click loud in the tense air. his gaze stayed fixed on your face—he wanted to see your reaction. maybe he was petty, but only a little, and you weren’t entirely innocent either. 

and he was right to do it. your eyes shot up to meet his the second you heard the lock engage, surprise and disbelief flickering across your face, your gaze darted between his eyes as if trying to find cruel mockery in them, but there was none. instead, yeonjun took a small step back from you, his fingers brushing the back of your hand so feathery, that it could’ve been easily mistaken for an accident, but it wasn’t one. he needed at least a little touch, even that one grounding him, giving him strength to hold up until he could hold you in his arms properly—somehow, he was certain that’s how the day would end. 

“let’s go,” he said softly, choosing his tone carefully to avoid sounding harsh or scolding—adding to your anxiety was the last thing he wanted to do. “i’ll make us tea, and we will talk.”

you nodded hesitantly, watching his back as yeonjun left to the kitchen. it was a good sign, wasn’t it?.. you felt glued to the door, needing all your strength to peel yourself away. slowly, you removed your jacket, still unsure if he truly hadn’t told you to leave. your hands shook as you hung it on an empty hook beside his jackets, your gaze drifted to the key rack—the spare keys you had for months still dangling where you put them. you sat on the bench to undo your shoes, throwing a quick glance toward the kitchen through the archway—you couldn't see yeonjun, but you could hear the sound of cabinets opening and closing, the kettle filling with water and other little things. the noises brought comfort, feeling like home. 

your legs felt like jelly as you made your way to the bar stool behind him, your nails tapping nervously on the polished surface of the bar table . yeonjun sent you a little smile over his shoulder before turning back and continuing whatever he was doing. you assumed he was choosing which tea to make for you, and you decided not to interfere—he knew your favourites. and you were too awkward to tell him anything too, even just asking for a specific kind of tea felt… out of place.  

yeonjun opened a cabinet to grab a cup for you, and your eyes landed on all the familiar dishes—your cups, plates, and bowls still sat neatly alongside his. he hadn’t put them away when you stopped coming over all those weeks ago. you looked around the kitchen and the living room—everything still looked like you were living there. you hadn’t noticed it in the hallway, too shaken to pay any attention to it, but now you realized he kept a few hooks empty for your outerwear and bags, the spot you always took on the shoe rack wasn’t taken either, and even the spare keys to his apartment still had your keychain on them. 

your gaze stopped on the fridge, colourful letters bright on the glassy black surface. you couldn’t believe it still was there—’yeonjun dummy <3’, the playful phrase you made two or three months ago with letter magnets he bought for his little nephew—sometimes yeonjun’s cousin needed him to look after the boy and dropped the baby off at his place, and yeonjun wanted to be the best uncle ever, teaching the child all the little things like colours, animals and letters. you had been helping too sometimes, and you realized now how strange it probably looked—helping him play house with a toddler as though the two of you were a family. you shook your head trying to get rid of the thoughts. your gaze drifted lower—yeonjun’s response was still there too—’you too :p’.

so many little things stayed the same despite your absence, all of them so tiny you could barely notice unless you were looking for them, yet it felt like you could move in right now, live here for a month and wouldn’t lack a thing, because yeonjun had kept everything just as it was when you were still there. he either didn’t care to change it, or… your apartment stayed the same too—he never stayed at yours for too long, but his tableware was still next to yours, his toothbrush and toothpaste still were in the cup with yours, his shampoo and shower gel sat on the shower rack with other things that belonged to him. looking at those reminders of him hurt, but you couldn’t bring yourself to put them away. deep inside, you had hoped he would still come and stay at your place some day, and maybe he kept everything as it was because…

“i don’t want to, but if you want me to, i will,” you blurted out before you could overthink it. if you didn’t say it now, while your feelings were on the surface and at their peak, you would probably never say it.

yeonjun looked at you over his shoulder, confused. you didn't want to… drink tea?.. it wasn’t a problem, he assumed, still not really understanding why you would drink tea just because he wanted you to. he could make you a coffee. or a milkshake, or a smoothie, or just give you water. or he still had almost every one of your favourite drinks in his fridge—and out of it too, in case you didn’t want to drink anything cold. he glanced at the almost-finished tea on the counter in front of him. were you worried that he’d already made it, but now you wanted something else? he could drink it himself… he opened his mouth to ask what you wanted to drink instead, or maybe eat, but you clarified yourself.

“to leave,” you said, looking down at your fingers as you fidgeted nervously. “i don’t want to leave, but if you want me to, i will,” you repeated,  your voice grew quieter with every word, much less confident than it had been at the start—not that it was confident to begin with. you didn’t want to leave, didn’t want him to tell you to go, but if he thought it was better for him, you’d disappear from his life as if you had never been part of it.

yeonjun, on the other hand, felt warmth spreading through his whole body. he was one step away from grinning like a fool, smile bloomed on his face despite himself. yes, he had figured out you didn’t want to leave when you looked like you made the biggest mistake of your life by saying that you didn’t know if you wanted to leave or not. but hearing you say it out loud was completely different. “i don’t,” he said, turning to you with a smile, two cups of tea in his hands. “don’t want you to leave.”

you nodded slowly, watching him take a seat across from you and place your cup in front you. you still had a hard time believing he wanted you to stay. when you said you didn’t want to leave, you meant his life, not his apartment. did he understand what you meant? did he mean the same?.. you reached out to wrap your hands around the cup but jerked them back before touching it. you looked up at yeonjun, ashamed. “i haven’t washed my hands. can i… use the bathroom?” 

he tilted his head. you’d particularly lived here for some periods, why would you ask him something like that?.. “of course, you can,” yeonjun said like it was the most obvious thing—because it was. “there’s a hand soap too,” he gestured toward the kitchen sink, “along with a hand towel. as you know,” he chuckled, emphasising the last words. “feel at home, okay? nothing has changed.” he watched you get up with a quiet ‘okay’ and come up to the sink. yeonjun turned in his seat, watching you with a soft smile on his face. “but you can use bathroom if you need it for—”

“yeonjun!” you exclaimed, cutting him off and making him laugh—you thought you had missed that sound, but now you realized ‘miss’ didn’t cover it—your life just wasn't full without it. “i only need to wash my hands!” 

he replied with a teasing ‘mhm’, a smile wide on his face, and you couldn't help but smile back. the little light-hearted exchange made you relax a little—it reminded you both that despite the mess, you were still the same. you just weren't sure if ‘the mess’ had started three weeks ago or ten months ago, and the conversation that would clarify it was still waiting ahead. you bit your lip at the thought, sitting back down and wrapping fingers around the cup. 

yeonjun became serious too. he knew he'd have to be the one carrying the conversation, because his thoughts and feelings were clear and organized—he’d had three weeks to analyze everything, and your words today cleared the last fog, putting the final misplaced pieces in their places. you, on the other hand… you still looked confused, even after admitting you didn't want to leave and him saying he didn't want you to leave either. and with your habit of sweeping the worst of your feelings and thoughts under the rug and pretending they never existed, unless he lifted the rug himself, telling you to clean up and helping you with it… he assumed how exactly these three weeks had passed for you.

“do you mind if we focus on you at first?” yeonjun asked, his voice as soft as possible, as though speaking to a child or a frightened animal—he didn't want you to feel like he was scolding you for anything, no matter how much it hurt him. it was his fault too—he was the one who had drawn the line between you two with his stupid rules, resulting in you not being able to come to him when the thing burdening you was about him. the rules made sense at first, but he should’ve blurred them when he began suspecting you were slowly catching feelings, and discarded them completely when he realized he was catching feelings himself. he hadn’t, and it was a miracle you were sitting there in front of him now.

you shook your head, giving him all the control. not only did you feel guilty enough to think you had no right to set the rules, but you were also lost—unsure of what to say, where to start, or what he wanted to know the most. you decided to let him lead you through it, answering his questions to the best of your capability and honesty. you only hoped he wouldn't start with something like ‘what do you feel for me’ or anything similar, because you knew you wouldn't be able to give him an answer—you barely admitted it to yourself, saying it out loud… to him…

yeonjun smiled. “okay. but be honest, please.” he waited for your nod before continuing. he prayed he wouldn't sound like he was interrogating you. “it was a date, right? not just a friendly meeting?” he cursed internally—he sounded exactly like he was interrogating you. now he prayed you wouldn't see it that way, because it wasn’t meant to be an interrogation—he just needed to know what you were looking for when you went on the date. 

you nodded, eyes glued to the cup in your hands. you felt ashamed—like a cheater, for god's sake. you opened your mouth to explain, but found your throat dry. you took a tiny sip—perfect strength, perfect sweetness, perfect temperature. how could you do something like this to someone who cared about you so much? you were a failure… you swallowed thickly. “yes. i met him on tinder a few days ago,” you mumbled quietly, too ashamed to look him in the eyes. “i think i swiped right on him accidentally…”

yeonjun nodded, his eyes trailing to your fingers, which were tapping nervously on the cup. he knew the tea would be cold long before you finished it, he’d made it for you to give you something to busy your hands with, somewhere to look when you couldn’t look at him. his gaze returned to your face. good thing? the guy was an accident. bad thing? you were on tinder. he bit his lip, trying to phrase the next question. he assumed you were looking for another ‘friend with benefits’, but he couldn't just ask you outright. the question would be far more prying than the previous one. “why did you decide to go on tinder? decided to meet someone, i mean.” 

you looked up at him quickly before staring into the cup again. the full answer would be long—you would have to start with the pregnancy test and touch on too many sensitive topics you weren't ready to confront yet. maybe a shorter version would suffice?.. “i realized i should… settle down,” you said quietly. “i don't exactly mean marriage or—all the more so—children, but…,” you exhaled sharply—how to phrase it without insulting him and what you had? ‘serious’? ‘real’? ‘something that has a future’? you bit your lip. “committed relationship.”

it felt like a punch to the gut for yeonjun—it wasn't what he expected. he thought he’d scared you away by promising to be with you, promising something real, and you didn't need it, he assumed that you were looking for sex without strings attached. it made sense—the perfect sense—until it turned out to be exactly opposite. you wanted something real, something serious—not just sex here and there—but you wanted it with someone else, not him. what are you doing here now, then? he thought bitterly, a lump forming in his throat, his fingers digging into his own cup. he didn't know how to ask you why it couldn't be him, nor was he sure he was ready to hear the answer. 

you bit your lip harder at his silence, realizing that in the end you had insulted him. everything felt so difficult, every small thing adding layers of complication to an already overwhelming situation. you took a deep breath—there was nothing left to lose. it was impossible to make things worse—they were already at their lowest. you might as well finish what you started. “when the—” you coughed, your throat dry again, and took a sip, though you knew it wouldn't make your voice any better. “when the test turned out to be false positive, i realized that… what we had was… dangerous. risky. it turned out to be false, but what if one day…,” you shook your head. “i realized it'd be safer in… a proper relationship. and i can't have it with you,” you finished quietly. 

yeonjun wondered where that cruelty came from, because you’d driven a knife into his heart earlier, and now, with these words, you twisted it . he tried to wet his lips, but his tongue was just as dry. why were you like that? why hadn't you just left? why had you stayed—to hurt him more? but most importantly, why couldn't you have that with him. “why?” he asked, his voice hoarse, the word leaving his lips before he could think about it. he wasn't even sure what he wanted to know. everything, maybe? he wanted to look at you, but he couldn't, his eyes glued to his trembling hands—why in the world would he get his hopes up?

you felt stupid—not for what you had said already, but for what you were about to say. suddenly, the reason behind everything seemed so small, insignificant and utterly foolish. you would think it was impossible to make everything worse, but you clearly did exactly that right after thinking the very same thing just a minute ago. you wished you weren't such a disaster, ruining everything you touched. but you had to answer; he had asked you to be honest. “the rule,” you whispered, shutting your eyes in shame.

“the rule—” yeonjun repeated involuntarily, even quieter, as if unsure whether he’d heard you right. but he had, and he almost growled at the realization. the fucking rule—he clenched his hand around the cup holding himself back from hurling it into the wall. he ran his fingers through his hair, tugging it at the roots in frustration. one fucking rule—he almost slapped himself. calm the fuck down, yeonjun, he growled at himself mentally. he’d assumed again, he’d thought of the rule that would be the best, that would mean happy ending, but you hadn’t specified which rule—there were a few. ‘strictly exclusive’ could be the reason too. what if you wanted an open relationship? he could never share you with anyone. “which?” he choked out, his hand gripping the cup harder.

you looked up at him and flinched—yeonjun looked furious. his hair was messy, his jaw clenched tightly, his fingers digging into the cup to the point of becoming white at the tips. and the way he looked at you… like you were the reason for all his anger. if eyes could kill… but you were the reason. and you could only do one thing now—answer. “the ‘no feelings’ one,” you whispered, your own hands tightening around the cup. but unlike yeonjun, you weren't angry—you were terrified, because you knew where this conversation was heading, and it would inevitably end with a confession.

yeonjun decided to stop thinking altogether. he couldn't keep hurting himself by getting his hopes up anymore—he didn't even believe your answer meant ‘i have feelings for you, but i'm scared to go against the rule’. he was sure there was something he’d overlooked because he was too fucking full of hope and it made him dumb. he cleared his throat. “if it wasn't for the rule, would you consider a serious relationship with me?” it felt like he’d poured the last of his strength into the question. just answer it and let me go to bed. or get drunk. just don't complicate it, i beg you. 

the word ‘yes’ refused to leave your lips. not because you weren't sure or the answer was ‘no’—you were sure and the answer was undoubtedly ‘yes’. but as you looked at yeonjun, his gaze barely focused and his whole demeanor so, so tired, you hesitated. was that what he wanted to hear? you didn’t know anything anymore. “would you?”

you’re deciding to complicate it after all, yeonjun thought bitterly, feeling the weight of exhaustion slowly creeping over him. he couldn't do it anymore. this emotional rollercoaster had drained him completely, leaving him beyond exhausted in every way. fuck it, he thought. i'll be a man. he was just too tired for another round of mental gymnastics. “yes.”

you froze. ‘yes’? he said ‘yes’? was he too tired to understand the question? should you ask another time but clarify it? should you— fuck it. no, just fuck it. you’d play dumb later if needed. “me too.” 

yeonjun exhaled unevenly, resting his forehead on his palm. he couldn’t believe your answer, couldn’t believe this torture was finally over, and couldn’t believe he was so fucking drained, that he couldn’t even react properly to the fact that the woman he wanted to build a serious relationship with, wanted the same. he was a failure, a disappointment, and so many other things, none of them good. but if you stayed with him after what he was about to say, he would ask you to marry him on the spot. “we’re official, okay? i’ll…” he ran his fingers through his hair again. “i’ll make it up for you later. i promise,” he mumbled.

you nodded, tired too. you knew what he felt, because you felt the same when three more pregnancy tests had come back negative—emptiness, disbelief and bone-deep fatigue. it had felt like your world was so close to crashing down, that it started slowly breaking before anything real had even begun, and all the strength you had in yourself had been spent on trying not to let it break so early, so when it had turned out that nothing was going to be ruined, the damage—even the small one—was already done, and in addition to that you couldn’t even be happy about it, because it felt like all of your life force left your body long ago.

except, unlike him, you had someone to hold you through it all. yeonjun held you when you thought your world was burning to ashes and when you barely had any strength to sit up after knowing your world would be fine. but for him, you’d only added to his exhaustion and to the weight he carried—your awkwardness, your anxiety, your inability to think before speaking. and even when you did think, it never seemed to help. but he still wanted you, and you wouldn’t let your overthinking brain convince you otherwise. 

yeonjun stood and wrapped his fingers around your wrist, pulling you towards the bedroom. the barely touched tea forgotten on the bar table, as he guided you through the apartment. he wasn’t sure if you nodded—he’d seen it with the corner of his eye, though, maybe he was mistaken because he was too tired, but he didn’t care because you followed him to the bed without hesitation, only pausing at the edge of it when he dropped onto the mattress, groaning at the pleasant feeling of stretching his limbs and letting his body finally relax. still, he had to open his eyes to look at you, when he realized you hadn’t joined him. 

you hesitated. the bed was unmade and yeonjun was still wearing the sweatpants and hoodie he’d had on outside earlier, but you weren't sure about lying there right in your sundress. it wasn’t a big deal in the past—mostly because usually you both were quick to undress each other, kicking the bed cover away on the floor—but a three week long break had left you a bit uncertain about even the simplest rules of the apartment. “i wore the dress outside…” you trailed off, glancing at him nervously.

yeonjun chuckled breathlessly—you were so cute, even if you were being slightly annoying when all he wanted was to hold you already. he wouldn’t even care if you wore a coat and boots right now. still, he already felt so much better, lighter, anticipating finally holding you and refusing to let you go, exhaustion melting away bit by bit. he propped himself up on his elbow and held out his hand for you. “i’ll undress both of us and make the bed later, after a little nap,” he murmured and moved closer to you, taking your hand in his and tugging it gently. “come here, baby. i missed you so much.”

you giggled softly—sound that felt foreign after weeks of not having any positive emotions or feelings—crawling toward him, knees sinking into the soft cloud-like mattress, as he held your hand, his hand firm, but tender, holding you up so you didn’t fall. you hovered over him, trying to suppress more silly giggles at the sight of his tired face having the same happy, silly smile. by all logic, you were supposed to be the one holding him, yet it felt like he wanted to hold you. you giggled again at the thought—he was so ridiculous. 

and you were right—yeonjun turned onto his back and gently tugged your hand, silently telling you to lie down beside him. his other hand unzipped the hoodie, and he slapped his chest over the tank top a few times, wordlessly showing you where to rest your head. you obliged happily, the whole world fading away the moment your cheek pressed against his firm chest and his arms wrapped securely around you. nothing else mattered anymore—not when you could hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, feel the soft rise and fall of his breathing against the top of your head, and be held in a way that made one thing clear—he wasn’t going to let you go.

[misireads]

Misery by Stephen King

[ audiobook, listened in finnish ]

a writer gets in a car accident while drunk driving in the middle of nowhere and finds himself both legs broken at the mercy of a woman who has taken him to her house in the remote countryside. she's an ex nurse, the NUMBER ONE FAN of his best-selling book series (named misery), and, as he very soon realises, crazy mentally……. challenged. the woman is beyond mad that he kills off the main character of misery in the final novel of the series, makes him burn the manuscript of his newest novel which he was on his way to get published before the accident, and forces him to start instead writing another sequel to the misery series where she comes back to life.

this turns into a psychological game of the author knowing she'll keep him alive for as long as the new misery novel is still in the makings, all the while knowing that he needs to find a way to get out of the house eventually.

💊📖👨‍🦽

➕ misery is one of my favourite king movie adaptations, so i went in knowing this is a story i like. this kind of despaired slow burn setting with complete helplessness involved is one of my favourite psychological horror tropes. (and i mean actual helplessness. like physically unable to get out of it. i guess there's also a body horror aspect there that i enjoy)

➕ i don't remember the film version super well, mostly just that it's the setting i liked about it. in this book version, it's A Lot about all the quirks of the main character's inner monologue, i realised while reading that that's the thing giving so much life to this story. this may be my favourite king novel for the prose, honestly. i don't remember any other giving me this kind of entertainment with words.

➕ the first novel in a long time that made me genuinely queasy

➖ how should i even put this thought. this is a long book, the audiobook is twelve hours long. that's a lot of hours about a man being stuck in a room. i realised kinda early on that this is going to drag, and that the setting actually kind of.. bores me…. or it doesn't but it does, at times. maybe five hours in i felt like i was really tired of listening to the story already and there's so much left still. definitely The most boring part were the new misery novel chapters. it's only a few short-ish(too long if i'm asked) segments of the whole book but it just… went on for too long anyway. and somehow managed to get racist later also, the finnish translation makes the african man speak totally incomprehensibly, my god. then when at some point i was like, alright clearly all the story points have now been handled and this is about to come to an end, i noticed there's still 5 hours left. and after the storyline really was over, it's STILL way too much left. it was one of those.

➖ this iiiiiiis… well it was published in 1987 so in many ways it's a work of its era and this is VERY pervasive in the genre anyway. but it's very definitively the "mental illness = evil" type of horror. annie never has any motive for anything she does, she's simply "crazy" so she's "evil" and therefore does bad things to people. yeaah…. i didn't feel super great about that.

⭐ score: 3+ -- i went to read the movie synopsis after i finished listening and while i don't remember the film super well, i feel like that one was more about the horror of annie in a trimmed-down package, while this book is like, at heart, about writing books, and in a very drawn-out way at that. it's a LOT more about, well, words. i think i like the more condensed movie edition better in this case. it just seems like i can't make myself like stephen king novels no matter how much i try. also i kind of picked this up at the wrong moment, this was my october halloweeny season read (one of them), and i realised at some point that this really isn't a halloweeny spooky book so i was feeling kinda meh but also like i needed to keep going. fgdklgmkdfmgf

[thessalian]

Thess vs The Bulwark

I did get that side quest I was yammering about yesterday. That was cool. So was the main quest bits that I got to, honestly.

Hi, Kotallo. ...Wow, you're bitter as shit. Then again, the way your society treats the disabled, can't say I blame you.

So Tekotteh's a bit of a shitlord, huh? Well, I've dealt with the type before. We'll get this; don't worry.

Yes, we could sneak around them. But this is faster. POONK. POONK. POONK. POONK.

ALL HEADSHOTS, ALL THE TIME, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Ah. Nice to meet you, Chekov's Debris.

It's nice that the narrative is handling so many parallels with Aloy's life as an outcast. Heh; if people think she's not all that personable now, they should take a good hard look at Kotallo and see how bitter she could have got, if she hadn't had Rost in her life.

So, yeah, why do I not have the option to flag up to him that I actually got into his precious sanctum of safety and impregnability by climbing a mountain and coming in from the air? Along with a PS of "THERE ARE FLYING MACHINES, YOU DIPSHIT, AND THESE FUCKERS ARE OVERRIDING DAMN NEAR EVERYTHING SO YOU COULD GET AN AIR SQUADRON OF FUCKING STORMWINGS ON YOUR ASSES!"

No, seriously, I WANT THE OPTION TO POINT OUT THE THING ABOUT AERIAL STRIKES. Hell, I could have taken out the entire Bulwark like I've done with every rebel camp I've ever come across; perch on a mountain out of sight and most people's range, and POONK from cover.

But no, we have to deal with Chekov's Debris. I go look at Chekov's Debris.

Yeah, apparently this is going to take more than my plasma arrows to blow up. Okay. Fine. If you're going to make me fire a cannon, you're going to make me fire a cannon. Whatever.

"...That was an unkind comparison" is sending me. Kotallo's a bit of a grumpy-puss but I do love him.

Aha. Helloooooooo Tremortusk. Yeah, Kotallo, you go get those jackasses. I'll take out that thing. Slow time aaaaaaaaaaaand ... POONK to the belly.

Well. That was easy. Buuut Kotallo's not exactly keeping rebel heat off me--

Smoke bomb.

SMOKE BOMB.

I PRESSED R; WHY ARE YOU NOT WORKING?!?

Oh, fuck this. WHAMWHAMSTAB.

Okay. Fine. I get Tremortusk cannon and--

Oh. Thanks, Kotallo. I guess taking out a Tremortusk in two shots and beating a couple of rebels to death earns me some respect.

Tekotteh? Dude? Yeah, your Bulwark is holding for right now, but you know what the best thing is? The best thing in the world is letting you do your smug monologue before we prove how much of an ass you are. Aaaaaaaaaaaand BOOM.

I think I speak for Hekarro and Kotallo and just about every Tenakth that thinks you've been a shithead for years when I say the following: *ahem* Womp-womp.

Yeah, I'll go check on the Sky Clan. Most of them don't deserve what they're getting just because their clan leader's a shitlord.

Oh, we get to call people back from "insubordination" punishment? Awesome!

Dude's climbing a mountain-- Ah! I've been there! On it!

Person grabbed by Stormbird. Iiiiiii ... can't do that yet but give me time. It's in the "For Later" pile.

Really getting the hang of glide-grab-grapple. It's a good thing.

A very good thing, given this quest. If I had to go all the way around, up, and down, this would take forever. Man, I hope we find that poor kid alive.

Fuck.

Oh, great, and now the others are getting attacked. GERONIMOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay, I see no more Glinthawks and yet we've still got the tense music and the quest has not moved ahead. Has it ... accidentally pegged that Shell-Walker convoy as part of this quest? Well, I have a very long-range bow; lemme find out. POONK.

Nope. Oh, come on-- Theeeeeeere you are. POONK.

Yeah, sorry. Thank you for the shiny. You go back to the Bulwark; I'll ... go cross this ravine again to get the bits from that Shell-Walker convoy I took out from ... well, I think "next post code over" might be an understatement.

Right. Climbing. Aaaand ... oh, hey. Folks that got stopped at the outset because ... because storm, apparently.

...Trans person. Not sure if definitely trans girl or trending to non-binary, because all they really say is "When I wanted to wear a woman's armour" (probably because they don't really have the terminology and they're discovering transgender from first principles, same as they have everything else), and there's not that much variation in hairstyles or face paint or anything else, and they haven't identified their gender one way or another, so I won't state for sure that this is a trans woman (even if the hairstyle does trend towards the feminine just on how it frames the face; that generally means little to nothing) ... trans person and it gives me life. I mean, it's interesting to see how it's handled in a world with no real term for it and certainly no way of medical transitioning.

(Side note: wonder what the Oseram would make of any trans people in their tribe. With most of the tribes, and the Tenakth in particular, there's not a huge difference in gender roles. If you can do the work, you do the work. But the Oseram seem to have by and large found sexism, which is why all the Oseram women who want to do basically anything are found outside the Claim, so I do have to wonder what their reaction would be to any trans person.)

Anyway, it's nice that Wekatta is using their experience to basically go, "Yeah, people think I'm weird too; I'm not going to give someone shit about societal norms". Even if it might stand to get Penttoh killed.

Oh. Hi, Rokko. ...Dude, I hope to hell Penttoh survives so you and he can be soldiers together. I'm really hoping this one's a "Aloy partners up with Penttoh and lets him get the flower" rather than a "Aloy saw his body at the very top.

And here's where I got stuck. Gliding--

Nope. Glidiiiiiing...

NOPE. GLIDING.

AAAAAAAARGH. ...*sigh* Gliding.

YES! Okay. And I will quickly scan for that data point I was after--

Aaaaaaand the focus picked up Penttoh fighting for his life; I'd better get moving--

And of course it had to be fucking Leaplashers!

Definitely leaning into parallels with Aloy's life as an outcast. Kotallo, Penttoh, Beta... There are worse things to base side-quests on.

Okay. Yes. Aloy as partner. Now, where's that climbing spot?

Right. Lemme see... Aha! Running jump and Pullcaster! There we go!

And kick over tree so we can both get to the next climbing point. Great. Good!

Aaaaand we made it. And ... I can glide down? All that way? Oooooooooh that's gonna be a viiiiiiiiew...

Hi, guys! No, Penttoh's coming. He just wanted to bask.

Oh, you little shit-- C'mon, narrative impetus says you have to hit him--

HEADBUTT! YES!

Aaaand I was right! Rokko and Penttoh as squadmates!

Erm ... Jekkah? Are you saying he's cute for you or for your brother? Please don't fight over Rokko, okay?

Okay. There's one last data point I want to get before I start prepping for D&D, so...

...That's ... a Tremortusk.

Doing the main quest has opened Tremortusk spawn points!

I CAN WAIT FOR NIGHTFALL AND GET APEX ONES! YEEEEEES!

But first I'm going to get this data point, and then hunt this guy.

POONK once to the stomach...

POONK once to the tusk...

POONK once to the back cannon. Aaaaand done.

Campfire nearby-ish, quick-save, and off I go. But I HAVE TREMORTUSK SIIIIIIIIIIIITES!

(I like hunting unfeasibly big things with precision strikes to weak spots. It's a thing.)

So yeah, depending on how I feel after D&D, I might play more tonight. Alternatively, it might be an all-day Monday thing. I would have started playing sooner, but last night I was kept awake until like 4am by my partying neighbours, and then I woke up at 6am for no apparent reason, and it took an hour to get back to sleep ... so I slept through most of the morning. I guess that's what weekends are for, but the ridiculous part is that I'm still tired. I guess "technically enough" sleep doesn't always count if it's broken sleep.

[xoddxphilosophyx]

.

[rosereleasestheart]

Hey everyone! So I recently commissioned the ever amazing @impatvish to draw my mer boys AND LOOK WHAT SHE DID. THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL SDKLJSAJSDKLAS. Please go commission her, she was so hands on and awesome to work with, it's worth EVERY penny.

Her commission info can be found here.

[cinnamonbean]

iiiiiii

IIIIIIII-

SCREAMING NOISES

I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO BE USED-?? BUT LIKE I'M SO HAPPY?? THANK YOU QWQ

THERE'S SOME ART AND MORE HEADCANON STUFF BELOW,, SINCE NOW I HAVE A LOT MORE TO GO OFF OF,,

I don't know how to draw or color backgrounds, so these have been sitting in my gallery for the longest time, sadly.

I was mainly playing around with uniform modifications when I made these, so I know they're far from canon. And I wound up making Tomoe's hair light brown to be different.

I forgot to draw Mita's hairpiece,, but Tomoe's looked like it was more to the right anyways when I saw the original manga panel, so that was my excuse for her.

But ohmyword can you imagine if Mita wore her hairpiece to the left in memory of Tomoe?

I also wound up changing how I drew Mita's hair parting to be more one side going over, same as Nezuko. She gave a lot of vibes of having had long hair before joining the corps. Maybe she cut her hair as a form of rebellion against her parents? Or maybe it came off because of a demon attack,,

Finding out Tomoe was timid made me kind of happy because it gave an excuse as to why I drew her in the girls uniform. She'd be too timid to get it changed! Much like Mitsuri.. I feel like more girls would've been like that, and just refused to be confrontational,, and then of course Kanae or Shinobu pushed her to take their uniform.

Hopefully being able to sort it out that, you know, if you keep wearing that uniform, you're just pushing the idea forward that it's okay to s//xualize the female uniform, and that none of them mind it. Just because they're a minority, doesn't mean they should be treated like that. (Tomoe deserves better anyway.)

I feel like Tomoe could be that one person (or at least one of the people) who Shinobu actually consider to be her own friend rather than Kanae's friend or associate of her sister's. She couldve been given a hairpiece long before becoming a tsuguko, going with the idea I thought of in my previous post.

Additionally I can imagine it feeling like a sort of struggle to deal with having your friend as a boss. Like. There's so many things Shinobu can just force her to do now because she's the one who's been left in charge. And it's generally just difficult to adjust to.

Speaking of Mita,, here are not one but two icon sketches! The first being how I initially imagined her, and the second being what's canon ro the fic. Ironically, we both gave her small eyes fjajdjsj.

You can't see it very well but I originally gave Tomoe a lilypad motif for her eyes.

I wasn't initially going to say anything about it, but yeah. I really do wish it was explored how Shinobu gets angry with Uzui. All we really had was that thing on Shinobu's opinions of everyone saying she's angry with Uzui over kidnapping her girls.

Imagine instead of Shinobu dumping her backstory to Tanjirou before mugen train, it happens after Red Light District. Oh yeah he can totally still ask if she's angry, it just doesn't go over well. And it severely bothers him, but. If it has something to do with him or Nezuko, there's not much he can do about it. (Side arc Tanjirou tries to make Shinobu happy and he keeps making it worse.)

She obviously feels indebted to Tanjirou, and feels incredibly guilty for him and the other two having gone through what they did in order to protect her girls. Like. It would totally earn her stamp of approval; and as for Uzui, he probably wouldve felt entitled to just take any number of her staff or students because she owes him. Big time. For the fact that she prioritized a corps member over their mission, whom didn't even survive the fight.

I also feel like Kanae and Kaigaku wouldve been those characters you slowly find out about through other characters; rather than being revealed by flashbacks and expanded on, scarcely, by those flashbacks alone. But this isnt about either of those two.

I couldn't think of anything clever to draw, but there will eventually be more coming.

I kind of gave up the post-per-chapter thing. But I'll work on smth to make up for it. In the meantime, here's my only other sketch availible atm.

I'm really so touched that my takes on Shinobu's deceased Tsuguko have been so well received in the fic, especially Kobayashi, who serves as my outsider perspective for exploring Shinobu, Kanao, and Aoi in the pre-canon days. In case people enjoyed "The Wasp's Nest" and want more, I've got some initial character designs and notes on the dead OC Tsuguko trio, I figured other people might enjoy reading a few headcanons without committing to reading a fic (these will totally spoil parts of the fic, though.)

But, for context, the fic description as posted on AO3:

"Sent by her Flower Breath cultivator, a new Tsuguko seeks training under the Insect Pillar, Kochou Shinobu. Her new master speaks in a gentle manner and is a good teacher, and besides performing her Pillar duties and caring for injured Corp members, she even cares for a family of orphans. It's a honor to have the tutelage of such an accomplished and wonderful person, but the air about her seems sharper than her demeanor.

That's her stinger, another Tsuguko warns. Don't get too close to the nest."

These were drawn/written prior to writing, so some edits were made, and some additions were handwritten in before I scanned these. Please note that EVERYTHING HERE IS MADE UP, for all that canon gave us was their silhouettes, the fact that they were Shinobu's previous Tsuguko, and that they were all killed by demons. We don't even know their names or Breaths or when they trained under Shinobu, or what I find more interesting, why they don't seem to have enough lasting impact on the Butterfly Mansion cast to be mentioned much at all. First Tsuguko, Ichijo Tomoe:

Taisho Secret: She was in such shock after losing her parents and little sisters that she went silent for a while as the Kakushi took care of her. It was as she built more resolve to fight that the Kakushi helped introduce her to a Flower Breath cultivator (not Kanae's cultivator).

Taisho Secret: There were a lot of slayers involved in the fight that she died in; Shinobu was busy leading everyone as the only Pillar on site. Ichijo died in Mita's arms; it was one of Mita's first missions with the two of them. Mita misunderstood Ichijo and found her stuck up, but she didn't outright dislike her; she admired her well enough as a senpai.

Taisho Secret: Had they met, Ichijo would had found Kobayashi overwhelming at first, but very slowly would open up enough that they'd become friends.

Second Tsuguko: Mita Akari

Taisho Secret: She couldn't tell at the time since she was busy hiding and having to run for her life, but with what she remembered of the event and what she learned later on about demons, she figured out that the demon who killed her family was her deadbeat uncle who must had just been turned. Mita's immediate family was all a little too open with their criticism and therefore prone to raised voices and arguments, but that's because they were open and frank with each other, so it was usually a warm and close family unit. Mita was the youngest.

Taisho Secret: Mita had one previous close call with demon poison, but she survived. With Shinobu's special attention, she made a swift recovery.

Taisho Secret: Mita didn't hate Kanao beyond having little patience for her. Had she known what Kanao would later on be capable of, Mita would have been embarrassed at herself for the misjudgement.

Third Tsuguko: Kobayashi Suzuno

Taisho Secret: Since her father was always at work and or socializing outside the home, he wasn't as big a presence to Kobayashi as her mother and grandmother were. He was attacked first and died instantly, Kobayashi didn't see much because the other three had already started to run away. Taisho Secret: When Giyuu found her, she was throwing rocks at the demon eating her mother and screaming at it to go away. Giyuu saw potential in her willingness to go up against demons, so when things had settled down, he was the one who asked her if she wanted revenge against demons. He had originally intended to introduce her to Urokodaki if she was inclined. When she asked him to tell her more she stood up to her full height, and that was when Giyuu noticed how much she resembled Kanae and decided to look into Flower Breath for her. Kanae never knew why Giyuu asked her about her cultivator. And no, Giyuu did not recognize her after the Pillar Meeting.

Taisho Secret: Had she lived, Kobayashi probably would had worked a few more years, fallen in love with some regular Corp Member with a short hair cut, and felt self assured in retiring to become a wife and mother. Shinobu would have had mixed feelings, but would give Kobayashi her blessing.