#ii can say its just the first draft. so.

[bidolatry]

found one. woe. quick wip upon ye

[lateatnewyork]

Lilies

part I | part II | part III | part IV

Helion x reader, rhysand x sister!reader

Warnings: fluff, making out, honeymoon bliss, suggestive

Summary: In which you and Helion are happy.

a/n most definitely another filler chapter but the one with drama will be out tmrrw and my schools starting in like four days so the drafts will come out slower

Helion was the best mate anyone could ever ask for. He could cook, he understood my emotions, gave me space, could give amazing cuddles and kisses, he was great in bed but most of all he cared.

In a sense no one had ever done before. When I wanted him home, he was home. When I visited him during a meeting he made me sit in his lap and glared at anyone who decided to mention it.

We had been mated for at least 6 months by now. And it was absolute bliss. Every single day he would wake me up with his head between my legs, every single night he would worship me like a queen. His kisses made my knees weak and my head dizzy.

Sighing at the thought of him kissing me, I continue trying my best at a dish that Rhysand used to cook for me as a child.

Just as I’m about ditch the recipe and head to his office, a strong pair of arms wrap around me.

Melting into his touch, I lean back. He kisses my neck and bites at my soft spot making me moan softly.

“Hey baby,” turning around my hands run through his beautiful hair. His lips find mine almost instantly. My back presses against the counter and I arch into his touch. Pulling him closer my fingers stray to the hem of his shirt.

“As much as I would love to continue this, I have to tell you something,” he pulls away. My kind is still reeling from his intense kisses. Nodding, I ask him to keep going.

“The Night Court wants to negotiate some stuff with us,” he told me.

Raising an eyebrow I beckon him to continue. “I want you to come with me, your first appearance outside of Day Court as High Lady, and I know what you’re going to say, that you’re not ready or you’re not sure, but I know that you’re ready, I also know how much you miss your brother and your nephew,”

He was right, I mean when was Helion ever wrong?

“I suppose Nyx should meet his uncle,” I sigh dramatically.

“Can you help me make this dish, Rhysand used to make it for me,” I ask him.

“Rhysand can cook?” he gapes at me in shock. “You can cook too sweetheart,” I lay a soft kiss on his adam’s apple and start gathering the ingredients.

“I know what you’re trying to make, you relax I’ll make it for you,” Helion says pressing kisses against my shoulder.

He’s elbow deep in flour, looking like an absolute vision. His golden eyes glint in the sun, his tan skin more prominent as the sun started setting.

We had decided to get this house because of its position and how the sun was almost always reflecting some room.

In the mornings it was our bedroom, during the day it was the seating area outside and during the evening it always seeped into the kitchen.

Not that I was complaining, it made the Day High Lord in front of me look softer and almost vulnerable.

“You’re staring, my love” Helion chuckles, his voice oozing smugness. “Is it so wrong for a female to enjoy the view her mate is providing?” I question, teasing.

“No I suppose not, you know I have to put this in the oven for awhile and we have some spare time,” he cheekily suggests.

“What shall we do?” I say feigning innocence. He circles around to the side of the counter where I’m sitting and gently holds my chin, “You’re so innocent right now but wait until I have you begging and writhing underneath me,”

I gulp, his words go straight to my core.

“What are you waiting for then?”

a/n AZRIEL U WISH THIS WAS U anyway don’t think they have ovens in acotar and i js watched the pjo finale and the way luke said annabeth broke me but like my husband looked rlly fine.

[stellar-skyy]

ADORNED NIGHT — Platonic Kazuha, Tomo & reader.

i. SUMMARY: You had two childhood friends; Kazuha and Tomo. Now, it's just you. ii. CONTENT WARNINGS: Inazuma Archon quest spoilers, character death, grief. iii. NOTES: Platonic, angst, childhood friends!Kazuha and Tomo, gn!reader, 1.5k words. iv. A/N: This is one of the first things I've written and has been sitting completed in my drafts for SO LONG because I didn't like how it turned out, but I can't keep re-editing it. Enjoy!

It’s easy making friends when you’re a kid. Your parents are close to other parents, and you eventually get shoved towards their kids to give you something to do. For you, that came in the form of Kaedehara Kazuha.

He was a quiet child. The kind who would cry when flowers got trampled, or bugs skittered away from his hands. But he was an easy, comfortable presence, and one that found its place by your side.

It was inevitable that you made friends with Tomo after that, with him and Kazuha practically attached at the hip, and it didn’t take long for him to declare you both his best friends.

Whether it be playing adventures in the forest, hide-and-seek around Kazuha’s estate, or just wandering the city of Inazuma, the three of you were scarcely seen without one or both others by your sides.

And you couldn’t be happier.

“Kazu, come on!” You called out after the boy trailing behind.

“Just give me… a minute,” Kazuha murmured. He continued to crouch on the edge of the river, poking at the ground with a stick.

“Are you still frog-hunting?” Tomo asked with amusement in his voice. Kazuha shook his head.

“No, I found something better,” Kazuha suddenly dove forward, scooping something up in his hands. He looked up triumphantly, holding up the animal in his hands, a large purple beetle that wriggled and crawled over his palms.

“An onikabuto!”

“Let me see!” Tomo demanded, leaning over his shoulder. The creature turned around, settling neatly in Kazuha’s hands. “That’s so cool! I wonder if I can catch one too.”

“It is cool,” You admit. “But we should hurry. We don’t have many hours of daylight left.”

Tomo gasps, looking up at the sky. “You are absolutely right. Hurry up, Kazuha! Adventure awaits us!”

“Okay, okay.” Kazuha chuckled, before letting the little onikabuto go. You held your hand forward to help him up, and he grasped it gratefully.

“Onwards!” Tomo announced, marching ahead through to the forest. His voice grew quieter as he strode further through the trees, almost out of your sight.

“We’d better go on before he gets himself lost.” Kazuha said, brushing the dirt off his clothes.

You held out your hand, and Kazuha took it in his.  

You were always told that friends don’t last forever, that these innocent childhood memories would make way for new ones. But the three of you didn’t grow apart; you grew together, like flowers that bloomed within the same patch of dirt. It was hard to imagine a life without them—the two constants in your life.

Tomo began to get bolder in his words. What started as child prone to disobedience quickly turned into a fiercely loyal man who was willing to die for his ideals. He spoke openly in criticism against whatever he found fault in (which just so happened to be the Shogunate), picking apart the frayed edges of their society until it was little more than lose thread in his hands.

But while Tomo grew louder, Kazuha grew quieter. He didn’t cry anymore; his emotions began to smooth themselves out into a perfect balance of calmness. He leaned into his love of poetry, and his already flowery vocabulary became nothing short of lyrical.

Things were changing. You didn’t mind though, because you knew that you would change together.

“Have you heard?” The whispers say. They seem to come from every direction, from the Shogun’s guards stationed around Inazuma, to the lips of shopkeepers hidden behind their hands. “They say he challenged the Shogun herself to a duel!”

“Can you imagine?” The whispers answer. Their voices grate on your ears and send shivers down your spine. Something was wrong, that much you knew for certain.

“It’s such a shame. He was such a lovely boy, too.”

You feel a spike of sympathy for whoever they were talking about. Everyone in Inazuma knew that the moment someone challenges the Shogun, their fate is already bound. It was no wonder they were speaking of him as though he was already gone.

“I feel bad for those friends of his. What will they do without him?”

Did he have friends he was close to, as well?

“Is that… them?”

Something was… most definitely wrong. As you walk across the street, you feel eyes piercing the back of your skull, like the entire city was looking at you. Your steps grow faster, trying to outrun the sounds of their voices. If only Tomo hadn’t left his house early this morning, then there would be no need to go searching for him.

“Do you see…”

“I wonder…”

“Has anyone told…”

“(Name)?” You look up at the sound of your name, to see the shopkeeper from Tsukumomono Groceries staring at you with unhidden shock. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you going to the Tenshukaku?”

“The Tenshukaku? Why?”

“Um… the duel?”

“Why would I want to watch that?” You say with disgust in your tone. “I don’t want to watch some random person’s execution.”

“I—I figured the circumstances were different.” She looked deeply uncomfortable, eyes darting between the crowds of people. “I mean… considering who it is.”

“Who it is? Do I know them?”

“You don’t know,” The shopkeeper reels back, like she had been slapped. Her nervous expression fell away to look horrified at the implication. “No one told you—you don’t know.”

Something was wrong.

A sick, twisted feeling appears in your stomach. “Who is it?”

“I—”

“Tell me!” Your voice cracks in the middle of your words, until there were tears pricking the corner of your eyes. You couldn’t imagine why; it wasn’t as if it’s—

“Tomo,” She whispers. “It’s Tomo.”

In one night, you lost both of the people you loved.

One was dead. The other vanished without a trace.

You tried to get on as normal—or as normal as you could—but everywhere was a reminder of what you had lost. The memories were scattered across Inazuma, waiting for the moment they slipped your mind to bring you reeling back into the past.

Autumn leaves fell, surrounding your head like a halo. A white cat lingered around the Tenshukaku, waiting for its owner. Signs were pinned on the noticeboards, conversations penned from hands that were unable to continue them.

There were so many relics of the past that you could almost pretend it wasn’t true; that if you waited in your old meeting spot, the two of them would appear and greet you with open arms.

You could imagine Tomo, with his wide grins and bold words, loudly explaining the true meaning of eternity while strangers gave him odd looks.

You could imagine Kazuha quietly beside you, shoulders barely touching, silence only broken by the occasional haiku he had composed in his mind.

You could imagine them both, walking in step with you as you did your daily errands, warding away the crushing loneliness that threatened to destroy you.

Everyone met you with pity, even those who would get annoyed with your antics as children. They offered nothing but condolences for Tomo, and well-wishes for Kazuha. Some offered an ear to listen to your troubles, but you politely decline.

(It wasn’t as if they would ever understand how it felt to lose two thirds of your life.)

The constant eyes were tiring, so the beach became your safe haven. It was free from people, aside from the occasional couple looking to sneak off, or soldier patrolling the perimeter.

Kazuha always loved this spot. It was, in his words, a paradise of solitude, where nature could sit down and breathe.

Tomo wasn’t too fond of it, complaining about the uneven rocks and sand getting all in his clothes. Still, he would linger there with you both, watching the sky until the sun slipped out of your vision.

When the moonlight hits the water, you can lean back with closed eyes and almost hear Kazuha musing various verses about the way the light reflects the sky, while Tomo chuckles beside you, and it almost feels like nothing changed.

That's the funny thing about loss; it isn't made up of absence. You can still feel their presence as lucidly as you used to, it has just shifted from something tangible into something limited in the confines of your mind, and the fleeting moments of joy before you realize they're not there.

And as long as the sound of their laughter still lingers in the back of your mind, maybe you can forget that they're gone.

reblogs and comments are appreciated! ♡

[phoenixtakaramono]

OPERATION BABYLON - PART VI

aka the butchlander sugar baby AU.

We have the first reader interactive poll for this threadfic! I recommend reading the update to the end (with a detailed breakdown of each choice) before making your decision.

Tumblr Navigation (note I have not shared the prologue here with its premise setup; I’ve only started sharing this twitter threadfic on tumblr starting from the 2nd 🔞 scene): I | II | III | IV | V | VI

Update Schedule: weekly/ biweekly

(You can read the rest of the threadfic update here!)

Keep in mind, all of my AU Butchlander threadfics on Twitter are the unpolished first draft versions of what’ll eventually be polished up into long fics on AO3 under the Shock and Awe series. So you may regard this threadfic as an experimental first prototype and exclusive preview whose contents may or may not be changed in the future final draft version. We’re just loosely playing around with ideas and concepts for now!

If you don’t have a Twitter account, screenshots are provided below the line break so you can read this update on Tumblr as well:

A more-in-depth breakdown of the choices:

A) Tell the truth. To avoid suspicion, Billy lays low and comes up with an excuse that he's booked for the whole day plays hard to get. It'll lead to Homelander running into "William out on a date" with another Supe—and a jealous Homelander running interference lol and sabotaging it, potentially leading to a "private tour" at The Seven meeting room and some 🔞 inappropriate office s*x ;) the setting depends if I decide to have it as a Vought HQ gala event or a Capes for Christ baptism

The payoff: a lead into the investigation The con: Billy's relationship with one of his long-time regulars is irreversibly damaged (it'll come bite him in the arse much later in the threadfic)

B) Homelander wants to be his sugar daddy. So Billy wants to test that and see if he can get our caped crusader to unknowingly fund his little CIA operation by exaggerating his rent and monthly overhead costs to tug at the hero's supposed generous philanthropist heartstrings. It'll lead to the sugar baby/daddy relationship being developed more aka a lil à la Pretty Woman-styled "shopping spree" with Homelander raining gifts on Billy's head say bye bye to Billy's CIA-assigned base, potentially leading to a 🔞 scene for "William to show him his gratitude"

The payoff: a bigger base and money for a more in-depth investigation The con: Homelander will lowkey stalk monitor him, so it'll be harder to keep his covert activities a secret from him or sneak out

C) The cute "Waiting for you :)" type of option. Billy doubles down on the act and reforms himself into Homelander's dream lover. It's tooth-rotting romantic fluff and flirty back-and-forth banter between them, but keep in mind what'll happen when Homelander inevitably realizes the "William who's literally almost perfect in every way and is too good to be true" isn't actually real much much much later as a direct consequence of this early choice.

The payoff: a happy Homelander (speedrun gaining his trust and affection by taking our bbg on dates <3) The con: the future fallout (and reconciliation) will be much more dramatic

Choose your poison! You can also vote on Twitter (link to the poll). I will add the final results together, and we’ll see which story route comes out on top.

A/N: A bit of Billy’s POV as we begin to pull back the curtains. How deep does this rabbithole of deception go? Far. Very far. Did y'all see the twist with Popclaw? Didn't expect that, did ya?

I am, by the way, open to ⚠️🔞 reader suggestions~. I make no promises that I’ll write it, but this threadfic is meant as a shameless excuse to write 🔞 butchlander spice, haha, and provide y’all some content during our butchlander drought. I have one reader suggestion thus far, and it involves candle wax. 🕯️

[hojiteaversion]

Why I Think RC Has Trouble Sticking Their Landings

(Or, a pantser talks about structure and DLS for like 8 paragraphs)

My short answer: Because these stories are first drafts

Longer answer: ⬇️

1) (Lack of) Developmental editing

RC's model has its authors write long stories 2-4 chapters at a time. As much as the authors might perfect these chapters, they have no way to change something later on if they realize a scene no longer matches the big picture. An author may revise and make a batch of 4 flawless chapters, but it still doesn't mean they will fit the story seamlessly.

Developmental editing, according to this article, "involves feedback on the big picture of a […] writing piece. A developmental editor will critique structural elements like the plot, characters, theme, and organization of ideas." They also say that this kind of editing is recommended after the first or second draft.

So this type of revision would help an author make sure every character has its place (too many LIs and uneven LI screentime could be fixed), that characterization is consistent, that the plot is clear and moving at a good pacing, etc.

In DLS, for example, things that might be revised after a developmental editing: Leo's introduction scenes not matching his characterization later on, the Leo/Vlad rivalry that seems a bit strange in hindsight, more prominent role and scenes for Sandra, a more consistent progression in Noe/Laia and Ezel/Laia routes, fairer distribution of LI scenes (🫠), Laia's character motivations, the plot mysteries might be revealed to the reader a bit earlier, etc.

But these stories are arguably first drafts that will never be revised holistically (like Choices stories are/used to be, as far as I'm aware), so problems that only become clear once you're further along might not be fixed satisfactorily (or at all).

What sort of problems? Well...

2) Structure, part I

So the visual novel medium is fairly recent, right? Choose Your Own Adventure stories have existed for a while, but, I'm pretty sure, not in the scale of RC stories. 3 seasons demand a lot of story. And the thing is, I'm not sure there is a lot of guidance out there regarding story structure for interactive stories? Not that I've found, at least.

This is a problem, I think, because even if these authors follow the existing material on story structure (Save the Cat, Hero's Journey, Classic 3 Act, Seven-Point Structure, etc.), they will have to do the work of adapting it for a visual novel that A) has 3 seasons as a default, and B) 3 seasons of more or less equal length.

Look, it absolutely can be done! But my point is, I think it's generally uncharted territory and requires a lot of problem-solving. It's not just figuring what must happen in this story for it to be satisfying, it's also deciding when each thing must happen in a way that fits the requirements of three seasons and their finales, which must all fit together, but also be individually exciting and balance setup and payoff. And there is no way to go back and fix it if you realize you messed up the pacing somewhere! Not to mention…

3) Structure, part II: Routes

Not only do they have to figure out plot and structure (without being able to revise the finished story as a whole), but they also need to figure out and balance at least 4 different dynamics. As in, when it gets established, how to keep those dynamics fresh even after they get together, and how to synchronize MC's development with that relationship and its milestones. And again, it's not like there is a manual or a right answer. You have to write and fix afterwards — except they can't 😀. So if an author realizes later on that x couple needed a scene earlier on, or that they rushed things, or any other problem, there is nothing to be done except maybe add more scenes that might stand out from whatever they're trying to correct.

A tiny example of this problem in DLS would be Leo and Laia telling Derya that they're dating, which is clearly a correction of the scene in 4x02 where Laia called him "a friend" because "[she] thought it went against local customs to make a show of pre-marital relationships". In 2019 Istanbul. It would just make more sense if she had just called him her boyfriend in the first place.

4) Authors

I'll admit I'm least informed about this one, but based on a few interviews I've read with the authors, it seems some of them have never written fiction or visual novels before…? I could be wrong! But! Imagine being new to this medium and having to figure all of that ⬆️ out, with the limitations that RC's model brings. I'm not sure how much training and/or assistance they get in this entire process. It just seems a lot for one person.

And I have no answers for any of this, by the way! I don't work there, I don't know how the company works or how it doesn't. This is just my tentative opinion based on my limited experience with writing. It's extremely hard, and I genuinely cannot imagine trying to do any of that ⬆️ in the first place, but especially if I had to get it right on the first try.

Every writing advice on Earth recommends multiple drafts on longform writing because it's impossible to make your story the best it can be on the first attempt. So I think the RC endings often being unsatisfying might be, mainly, a consequence of that.

[sameschmidtdiffname]

Happy Trans Day of Visibility to my dear readers and followers!!! (And happy Easter for those who celebrate!)

From the bottom of my heart I just wanted to say I support and love each one of you. Whether you're out, closeted, questioning- you are so extremely valid. Don't let people define your identity for you, don't be ashamed of who you are, and find happiness within yourself.

Now, if I were an intelligent content creator I would have my Transmasc!Reader x Mike smut ready to post today. But I'm not! So I don't! Honestly, with how much work I've had lately I'm still in Febuary mode lmao. So here's a short teaser, and maybe one day I'll get my shit together and post some writing again.

(Notes: This is a copy of my first draft. This work is subject to change and thus will most likely look at least somewhat different in the final work. Content warning for mild NSFW. You are responsible for what you read.)

"Oh, stop," Mike scoffs, rolling his eyes at me as he sprawls across his couch lazily, his work boot halfway hanging off of his toes, his arm spread across the back of the sofa while the other props up his head on top of the arm.

-

I like how the older generation can't handle some light-hearted, meant in good fun teasing.

"Come on, what was JFK like as president?" I tease, leaning forward as I sit on the coffee table in front of him.

"My parents didn't even know each other yet," Mike says in a judgmental yet entertained voice, furrowing his brows and smiling at me as he waves his hand in dismissal.

"Oh! Tell me about Woodstock," I ask excitedly, my palms pressing against the wooden table underneath of me between my widely spread legs, flashing my most innocent, wide, bright eyed smile like an excited puppy dog to its owner.

"The last one sucked," Mike says, short and simple.

"No, the first one," I correct.

Mike pushes me to the side slightly, meant in jest and so he can see what events are unfolding on the television.

"Do you get nostalgic when you watch films about World War II?" I ask in the same excited tone, pushing back and repositioning myself to block the TV further.

"I am eight years older than you," Mike reminds me as if I'd forgotten. "Grow up."

"Oh, Mr. Robs The Cradle wants maturity now?"

This earns me a swift pillow to the head, torn out from under Mike's body as he begins his assault on me, snickering and trying to maintain his less than pleased exterior.

"Come here," he commands inbetween laughs. "You're getting spanked."

"Spanked?" I laugh, raising my arm to both protect my face from the blows of his pillow and to hide the sudden blush that has sprung to my face. "Why?"

"Come on, you wanna talk shit about our age gap, you can be treated accordingly," Mike insists, smiling as he tosses away the pillow to grab at my arm. "On my lap. Come on, tough guy."

The idea makes me dizzy, heat rushing through my body at his words.

"You wouldn't," I laugh a tad nervously, dodging his eye contact.

"Oh, I would. And I will," Mike laughs. "Don't act so innocent now, we both know why you're making these jokes."

I really hadn't meant them in such a way, honestly. To be completely honest, I'm not even really sure how I would go about making such innuendos. At least, not like this. Sure, I can do the blunt, "your mother" esqe jokes that are purely meant for comedy. Flirting, however, is a completely different story.

"I didn't mean it like that," I say earnestly, still avoiding his gaze.

Mike's hand finds the silver chain hanging close around my neck, his hand slowly creeping up my chest.

"No?" Mike asks, his gaze fixed somewhere below my face.

"No," I answer, my tone a bit short but not in an angry manner. More one of embarrassment. Mike quickly picks up on this.

"Something the matter?" Mike asks, cocking his head slightly as his eyes return to my face. I blush again, shaking my head.

"No," I say a tad too quickly. His pointer wraps around my chain.

"No?" Mike asks, echoing my tone with an imitation of my face, though he's caking on the innocent undertones a little too thick. "You don't look so well intended."

"I was just making some innocent jokes and-"

"And now you're turned on?" Mike asks, his middle finger wrapping around the chain as well, his voice dropping in pitch and volume slightly as a small, subtle smirk begins to grow on his face. My chest feels like it's burning now, my face hot to the touch.

"I'm not turned on," I mutter under my breath, a smile unwillingly growing on my face as I look away. I feel a small tug on my chain.

"Look at me," Mike says softly, no reprimand in his voice. I don't, suddenly too shy and earning me another tug on my chain. "Look at me."

I obey, looking up quickly then flitting my gaze away, red in the face, shifting slightly on the table to allow my legs to come closer together.

Mike tuts his tongue against his teeth, pulling me closer to him, gentle on the chain whilst watching me with eyes that feel almost predatory, his lips parted slightly as though he's anticipating something.

"Hasn't your father ever told you to respect your elders?" Mike asks in a husky, deep voice as he pulls me onto his lap, his other arm now wrapping around my hips as I begin to realize what exactly I've found myself in.

-

I know, I know. "Dani, when are we getting some freaky shit back on our feed?" Listen, I'm trying here. The good news is that my IRL work project is going to wrap up here in the next month. The bad news is, unfortunately, I most likely won't write anything until after April. I know, I'm sorry. I only meant for the break to be two weeks, and it's going to be almost two months instead. But in the meantime, peruse my Masterlist and check out some of my upcoming works! And maybe if God decides they love me, I'll be able to post at least a drabble here soon <3

Stay safe, pookies. Please know that you are valid, you are loved, and you are special no matter what anyone else says.

Also, I think I'm a lesbian.

'TILL NEXT TIME, FOLKS! <3

[swan-of-sunrise]

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (Part II)

Summary: In the wake of the announcement that John Walker would be the new Captain America, (Y/N) lends a patient ear to both Sam and Bucky, and an open-minded Steve gets an important and well-meaning lesson on modern forms of discrimination.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4k

Warnings/Disclaimers: Disclaimer for a frank discussion of racism/bigotry

A/N: Writing more Sam and Bucky and their constant squabbling was so much fun, and it really did wonders counteracting how sad it was writing Steve’s emotions about Walker becoming Cap lol thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (Part II) May 2024 Rockport, Maine (Previous Chapter)

Two weeks later, (Y/N) was sitting alone on her wraparound porch and fiddling with Natasha’s old red hourglass-shaped belt buckle, her lost friend’s treasured memento unable to give her its usual sense of comfort as she listened to Sam talk. He’d filtered through a wide range of emotions in the days since Captain John F. Walker had been named the new Captain America – shock, anger, sadness, outrage – before finally settling on heartbreak. Seeing a white man with the same blonde hair, blue eyes and chiseled physique that the country had come to expect in their Star-Spangled-Man-With-A-Plan did nothing short of break Sam’s heart and – although she was nowhere near a trained psychologist – she suspected that it only served to validate his intrusive imposter syndrome. She’d made it a point to call and check in on him every day since, and she was happy that her best friend hadn’t shut her out; just as he’d been there for her during so many difficult times in the past, she was giving him the strength and support that they both knew he needed.

“I decided not to watch that GMA interview that aired this morning,” Sam sighed over the phone. “I mean, why put myself through all that?”

“Believe me, you didn’t miss anything you couldn’t just find out with a quick Google search. The guy’s like a walking slice of plain white bread.” (Y/N) smiled to herself as her best friend snorted in amusement at her joke. “Scott was blowing up my phone throughout the entire thing; Walker had better watch himself, because he’s only been on the job for two weeks and he’s already got Ant-Man pissed off at him.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tic-Tac angry before and now I kinda don’t want to; all the shrinking and growing still freaks me out a little, and I haven’t forgotten how that little shit deactivated my wings like it was nothin’.” Their laughter faded away into a heavy silence that was eventually broken by Sam. “Thank you, (Y/N).”

She frowned in confusion. “For what?”

“For not trying to convince me to talk to Steve about all this. I love the guy, I really do, but with all this that’s happened…it’s somethin’ that he can never really understand. Maybe he will someday, but it’s not up to either of us if he does or doesn’t.” Biting her lip, (Y/N) struggled to think of how best to respond to his statements but he continued on before she could say anything. “So, how’s everyone doing today? Enjoying the warm weather up there?”

“Well, Steve took Carina and Indy for a walk after the GMA interview, so it’s just me holding down the fort; I tried working a little on the first draft of my book but I couldn’t get Walker’s annoying mug out of my mind, so I decided to sit out here and give my best friend a call. What about you? How’s your search for these Flag Smashers going?”

A few days after the new Captain America was announced, Sam told her about the emergence of an anti-nationalist group that aspired to return Earth’s governments and society to how it was after the Snap and before the Battle of Earth: a united world without borders or patriotism that cared about helping each other in times of need. As someone who lived through those turbulent five years and who didn’t necessarily agree with everything the Global Repatriation Council was doing, their initial mission statement sounded appealing to (Y/N); however, their methods were violent and destructive and most concerning of all, they were comprised of suspected super-soldiers and possessed a replica of Doctor Erskine’s serum. An Air Force friend of Sam’s had a close call with the group in Switzerland and for the past two weeks, they’d both been tracking their whereabouts to try and apprehend them.

“Pretty good, actually. Torres managed to track them to Munich and Redwing picked up some aerial footage of their suspected base just outside of the city, so we’re flying out of D.C. at oh-nine-hundred.”

“In that case, I should probably let you go so you don’t miss your flight…” (Y/N) twisted the belt buckle around and around in her grasp and tried not to think about the last friend she’d said goodbye to before an important mission. “Good luck out there, Birdbrain.”

Sam chuckled and replied, “Thanks, Booksmart. I’ll give you a call as soon as I can, okay?”

They both said their goodbyes and after hanging up, (Y/N) sat back in her rocking chair and held her belt buckle to her chest as she closed her eyes. “Keep an eye on him for me, Nat.” Her eyes flew open when her phone rang again and she scrambled to answer it. “Hello?”

“Hey, doll, it’s Bucky. Where the hell is Sam?”

(Y/N)’s shoulders sagged in sudden realization. “Oh, shit. I take it that you watched the GMA interview…”

“Yeah, I did, and it’s about time that he and I discussed how he just threw away that shield.” The super-soldier’s voice was filled with ire and she could hear his agitated pacing in the background. “I’m at your guys’ old place in D.C. but he’s not here, so I thought you might know where he’s at.”

“Bucky, none of this is going to change what’s happened-”

“Do you know how much it hurt to hear a total stranger sit there with that shield and call himself a brother to Steve? Do you have any idea how it feels to have Steve’s legacy tarnished by a guy who would’ve gladly kicked his pre-serum ass if we were back in the 40’s?”

Clenching her jaw in growing irritation, (Y/N) stood and started pacing across the porch. “Believe it or not, Bucky, I do. You think I didn’t try everything I could to get answers for what they did? It took threatening to go to the press for Senator Smith’s office to return my calls and when they finally did, I got an incredibly condescending explanation about what constitutes as government property. If I went any further than that, then I’d risk my family’s safety and privacy, so now I’m forced to sit by and watch a man who I know isn’t worthy of the shield parade around as Captain America while all those asshats on Capitol Hill congratulate themselves for preserving the so-called sanctity of a mantle that they’ve never understood.”

She could hear Bucky sigh. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to accuse you of not caring or anything. It’s just…that shield, Steve’s legacy…it means a lot to me. And to see Sam just throw it all away for no reason…”

“You want answers? Sam’s scheduled to fly out of Joint Base Andrews at 9 o’clock for an overseas mission, so if you want to talk to him then you’d better make it quick.”

“Thanks, (Y/N). I owe you one.”

“It’s no problem, but can you do me a favor and actually listen to what Sam has to say? He’s really been beating himself up over what’s happened, and you coming in hot with angry accusations isn’t going to make him or you feel better.”

“…Okay, okay, I’ll try. For you.” Bucky’s pacing slowed and she could tell he was weighing his words. “How’s Steve handling all this?”

(Y/N) leaned a hip against the porch railing and looked out at the gentle waves in the distance. “When I figure that out, I’ll tell you.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. I should probably let you go now; by the time I drive across D.C. and talk my way past the MP’s, it’ll be time for Sam’s flight to take off. I’ll call you soon, doll. Give Carina a kiss for me, okay?”

After they exchanged their goodbyes and she tucked her cell phone back into her pocket, (Y/N) looked down at the belt buckle in her hand and gave it a small smile. “Could you keep an eye on Bucky too while you’re at it, Nat? Something tells me that Sam won’t be traveling to Munich alone…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dinner was delicious, sunshine,” Steve commented later that evening as they cleaned up the kitchen together; there was a mischievous twinkle in his azure eyes when he spared her a brief glance and continued drying the dishes she’d finished washing. “You know, you’ve come a long way from only knowing how to make spaghetti, tacos and scrambled eggs.”

Narrowing her eyes, (Y/N) playfully flicked some soapy dishwater at her chuckling husband. “This coming from the guy who used to boil all his food and who never touched hot sauce until he was ninety-seven.” They finished washing and drying the dishes in comfortable silence, and it wasn’t until after they checked on Carina fast asleep in her crib and made their way back out to the living room that she decided to bring up the subject of the new Captain America. “Sweetheart, if I ask you a question will you promise to give me an honest answer?”

Steve’s brow arched but he nodded all the same. “Of course. What is it?”

“What was going through your head when you saw the announcement naming John Walker as the new Captain America?”

They sat down on the couch and Steve’s hand automatically found hers, his thin fingers intertwining with hers as he considered her pointed question. “Honestly? For a split second there, I thought that I was seeing a ghost on the television screen.” (Y/N)’s brow furrowed in confusion and he continued. “When I was accepted into Project Rebirth and sent to Camp Lehigh, I joined an entire regiment of potential candidates and over the course of a week, we were ordered to complete training that would determine which one of us would be chosen as the SSR’s first test subject. Doctor Erskine made it pretty clear from the beginning that he wanted me, but Colonel Phillips was gunning for a guy named Gilmore Hodge.” He huffed out a quiet chuckle. “Talk about a horse’s ass. Hodge was a bully; he fought with the other guys in the barracks, he cheated during training to get higher scores and he hated that a woman was the one personally overseeing our training.”

“Wait a sec, was he the soldier that Peggy told me about once, the one she knocked onto his ass with just one punch?” Steve nodded and (Y/N) grinned appreciatively. “Peggy Carter was such a bad-ass. So, Walker reminds you of Hodge?”

“Mm-hmm, right down to the blonde hair and blue eyes. Everything I’d read or heard about him since paints him as the perfect soldier, and it was all summed up in that GMA interview this morning.” Steve bit his bottom and looked over at the wall beside their small piano. He’d spent their first month in Maine framing and hanging some of the sketches he’d completed over the years; scenes of his childhood in Brooklyn featuring his mother Sarah and Bucky, portraits of his fellow Howling Commandos and everyone he’d worked with at the SSR, doodles of the laid-back days spent with the Avengers and more drawings of (Y/N) throughout the years than she could count. Doctor Abraham Erskine’s portrait hung proudly towards the center of the wall, a place of honor for the man who changed Steve’s life in more ways than one, and Steve’s eyes softened a little as he continued. “Doctor Erskine came to the barracks to see me on the night before the scheduled procedure. He told me about the time Schmidt took an unfinished dose of the serum and how he became the Red Skull, but then he said something I don’t think I’ll ever forget: ‘The serum amplifies everything that’s inside, so good becomes great and bad becomes worse.’” His azure eyes flicked back over to (Y/N) while the corner of his mouth lifted into a humorless smile. “The second thought that ran through my head after seeing that broadcast was ‘Thank God that they didn’t get their hands on Erskine’s serum too.’”

Sensing his pensive mood, (Y/N) draped her legs over his lap so she could cuddle up against him and rested her head on his shoulder. “The government did what the government does best: purposefully overlooked the accomplishments of a Black man in favor of maintaining the status quo. It’s a tale older than America itself.”

“But…” Steve’s voice was filled with an uncertainty that she’d come to associate with him being a man out of time. “Sam was the one who decided to give the shield to the Smithsonian. Unless…did he mention if someone contacted him and convinced him to hand it over?”

“No, no one convinced him. Sam doesn’t talk about it much, but he suffers from something called imposter syndrome; it’s when you believe that you’re less capable than those around you, that any success you’ve had in your life is only the result of luck and that at the end of the day, you’ll be outed as a fraudster. Many, many people of all walks of life struggle with imposter syndrome but it particularly affects the BAME – Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic – community.”

The thumb that had been caressing her knee slowed as Steve carefully asked, “So, when Sam said that he felt like the shield belonged to someone else, what he really meant was that it belonged to someone who looked like me?”

(Y/N) nodded. “To you, you were only passing along a superhero name and a vibranium shield to the person you believed was meant to have them but to Sam, he was faced with accepting a mantle that reminded him of the atrocities of our country’s history and a future where he’d be the first and only Black man ever named Captain America. It’s a heavy burden to bear and in the end, Sam chose to put his well-being first.”

“I didn’t think that…I-I should’ve known…”

Sitting up, (Y/N) cupped Steve’s face and gently coaxed him to look at her, her heart breaking a little as she looked into his distraught eyes. “Sweetheart, none of this is your fault. You only did what you thought was right, and there’s no way that you could’ve known any of this on your own. Sam doesn’t blame you, so you shouldn’t go and start blaming yourself.” She gave him a sad sort of smile. “If only there were more people like you and Sam in the world…I guess I should count myself lucky that I have the both of you in my life.”

Her husband’s expression softened and he shook his head. “Nah, we’re definitely the lucky ones, baby.” His thumb and forefinger lightly grasped her chin and held her steady as he leaned forward to capture her lips in a loving kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, (Y/N) spent the morning and much of the afternoon on a conference call with Greg and the editors going over the first draft of Assemble: The Unabridged History of the Avengers and while a freshly-inspired Steve worked into the evening on the cover art, (Y/N) set up Carina’s playpen in the garage and kept an eye on her daughter while she worked up a sweat with their suspended punching bag. Her time with the punching bag was when she allowed herself to reflect on the nightmares she experienced as a result of her PTSD; they were usually memories of all the losses she’d suffered at the hands of Thanos, playing over and over on a constant loop in her mind, but exercising helped her acknowledge and slowly push through them.

While she was taking a quick water break and checking Carina for signs of sleepiness, her cell phone began to play the tell-tale tune of Sam’s ringtone. “You hear that, Cari? Uncle Sam’s calling!” The infant clapped her little hands together and (Y/N) grinned as she reached for her phone, but she arched a brow in surprise when she saw that it was actually a FaceTime request; with a shrug, (Y/N) answered and was met with the sight of Sam’s withdrawn face. “Sam? What’s wrong, Sam?”

“It’s probably easier to tell you what isn’t wrong,” Her best friend sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Bucky and I went to Munich yesterday and got our asses handed to us by eight super-soldiers, he took me to Baltimore to meet an old man named Isiah Bradley and I got to learn that the Army once experimented on Black soldiers while trying to replicate the serum, Bucky got himself arrested because he missed a therapy session, and I was forced into an uncomfortable couple’s counseling session with Mr. Stares-A-Lot himself.”

“Wow, that was…a lot.”

“I’m sorry for interrupting your workout, (Y/N), but after the day I’ve had, I just really needed to see a friendly face.” Sam’s expression relaxed when he caught sight of Carina playing with her stuffed white wolf. “Two friendly faces, actually. How you doin’, cutie-pie?”

“Say ‘hi’ to Uncle Sam, lemon drop.” (Y/N) helped the infant wave her chubby hand at the screen and grinned when her best friend chuckled. “Hey, that got you to smile! Did you want to talk about it?”

Sam shook his head. “Nah, it’s okay. I’m too tired to go through it all again.”

Before (Y/N) could reply, Bucky appeared from behind Sam and gave her a half-wave. “Nice to see you again, doll. Is Samuel here tellin’ you all about my time in the slammer?”

“Bucky, are you all right?” She ignored the glares that both men were shooting one another and waved her hand in front of the camera to grab their attention. “Hey, if you guys stop doing that weird macho shit, you’ll realize I asked you a question.” Carina let out a particularly loud coo and (Y/N) glanced over at her with an apologetic smile. “Yes, Cari, that was a bad word that Mommy shouldn’t have said, but your uncles are driving Mommy insane right now.” She looked back at the screen and raised a pointed brow. “How are you feeling, Bucky?”

“Well, I feel better,” Sam interrupted as they walked out onto a sidewalk.

Bucky sighed in annoyance. “I feel awful, (Y/N), but thanks for asking.”

A police car’s siren blared through the phone’s speaker, ending as soon as it began but replaced with a familiar boastful voice. “Gentlemen! Good to see you again.” Instead of hanging up the FaceTime, Sam switched to a normal phone call after exchanging a look with Bucky and although (Y/N) was confused by his action, she listened closely as they approached John Walker. “Who were you talking to? Your girlfriend?”

“My best friend, actually. She was checking in on me, but she had to go.”

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), right?” (Y/N)’s brows rose in surprise but she remained silent, mindful that the phone was on speaker. “I’ve studied the files of all the Avengers in preparation for taking up the mantle, in case I ever have to work alongside them. I sent her an email, you know, giving her my condolences and asking for her personal blessing to carry Steve’s shield, but I guess it must’ve gotten lost somewhere ‘cause I never heard back.”

“That’s because I sent that unopened email directly into the goddamn trash,” She muttered under her breath and heard Bucky cover his snort of amusement with a small cough.

“Look, if we divide ourselves, we don’t stand a chance and you guys know that.”

Sam sighed. “So, what do you got?”

“Well, the leader’s name’s Karli Morgenthau. We’ve been targeting civilians who’ve been helping Karli move from place to place.”

A new voice spoke up, and (Y/N) quickly recognized it as belonging to Lemar Hoskins, Walker’s partner known as Battlestar to the public. “They geo-tagged a location, then scrambled the signal. But our satellites have found their symbol popping up in various displaced communities all across Central and Eastern Europe.”

“We think she’s taking the medicine she just stole to one of those camps.”

Bucky snorted in derision, and (Y/N) could very-well imagine him rolling his eyes in plain view of Walker. “Well, there are hundreds of those all over the planet since the Blip, so I guess you’ll have to look real hard.”

“Good thing I have 20/20 vision, huh?”

“Where is she now, Walker? Do you know?”

“No, we don’t know, Bucky. It’s only a matter of time before we find out.”

“Things are really intense for you, aren’t they, Walker?”

(Y/N) listened to the heated exchange between Bucky and Walker with growing concern, and she was thankful when Sam interrupted them before they could escalate. “Take it easy. Look, Walker’s right. It is imperative that we find them and stop them, but you guys have rules of engagement and all kinds of authorization you have to get. We’re free agents. We’re more flexible, so it wouldn’t make sense for us to work with you.”

There was a moment’s pause before Walker replied, “A word of advice, then: Stay the hell out of my way.”

She could hear footsteps walking down the street and after a minute, the phone call was switched back to FaceTime and she saw Sam and Bucky’s concerned faces on the screen. “So, what do you think of the new Captain America?”

“I think that you two need to be careful around him,” (Y/N) answered honestly, perching herself on the garage’s workbench and shaking her head. “Something seems off with him. I mean, ‘targeting civilians’ was concerning enough, and then he basically threatened you both when you wouldn’t agree to work with him? I don’t know about either of you, but I’m even more grateful that he doesn’t have the serum than I was before.”

“Yeah, me too. Speaking of the serum, it looks like we’ll have to start there if we wanna gather more intel on these Flag Smashers.” Sam glanced over at Bucky walking beside him. “What are you thinkin’?”

“Well, I know what we have to do. When Isaiah said ‘my people’-”

“Oh, don’t take that to heart, that’s not what he meant.”

“No, he meant Hydra.” At Bucky’s statement, (Y/N)’s jaw dropped as she slowly realized what he was intending on doing. “Hydra used to be my people.”

Sam scoffed at Bucky’s implication. “Not a chance.”

“Walker doesn’t have any leads-”

“I know where you’re going with this, no.”

“He knows all of Hydra’s secrets. Don’t you remember Siberia?” Bucky shot an imploring look at (Y/N). “C’mon, doll, back me up here.”

(Y/N) bit her lip and carefully thought their less-than-ideal situation over. “It sounds like you don’t have much of a choice in the matter, but you need to make sure you’re mentally prepared to face him again. I remember Siberia, Bucky, but I also remember how he took control of you in Berlin.”

Sam looked over at Bucky with concern in his dark brown eyes. “So, you’re just gonna go sit in a room with this guy?”

“…Yes.”

With a slow nod, her best friend glanced between the super-soldier beside him and his phone screen. “Okay, then. We’re gonna go see Zemo.”

Despite the seriousness of their situation, (Y/N) couldn’t contain her huff of laughter. “Look at you two, already starting to work together like a team. Keep it up and you’ll figure all of this out in no time. Hey, maybe you’ll even end up becoming real friends!”

“You’ve got some imagination, doll; it’s no wonder why Steve fell head over heels for you,” Bucky remarked but managed to give her a half-smile. “Take care while we’re gone, okay?”

“I’ll give you a call as soon as we know more about what we’re dealing with.” Her best friend’s assured tone and the look of determination that was written across his features helped to ease some of her worry for the pair, and he smiled a little when she finally nodded. “We’ll see you soon, Booksmart.”

“Good luck, Birdbrain,” (Y/N) replied and when the FaceTime ended, she sighed and stared at her concerned reflection in the phone’s screen. “And stay safe.” She pocketed her phone and lifted Carina out of her playpen, giving the giggling infant a kiss on the forehead and tickling her stomach before handing her the stuffed white wolf. “You’re absolutely right, lemon drop. Your uncles are going to be okay because they’ve got each other’ backs. C’mon, let’s go check on Daddy and make sure he hasn’t fallen asleep on one of his easels again…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: The next chapter takes place in Delacroix, so buckle up for more angst and shenanigans! Thank you all so much for reading and commenting! I’ve created a Spotify playlist inspired by this series, and I’ll be updating it every time I upload a new chapter. Enjoy!

Spotify Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ziGMhEsAw833GQ9eV44nR?si=6dfead09c76848d5

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (Part III)

Stumblin’ In Book VII: “Superhero Snapshots” Masterlist

Stumblin’ In Book I: “The Winter Soldier” Masterlist

Tagging:  @mrs-obrien​​​​​​ @lahoete​​​​​​ @awkward117 @cminr @natdrunk​​​​​ @momc95​​​​​​ @savedbystyle​​​​​​ @miraculouscloud @awkwardnesshabitat​​​​​​ @marinettepotterandplagg​​​​​​ @mangosandmimosas @supersouthy @benakenalove​​​​​​ @brooke0297​​​​​​ @hufflepeople​​​​​​ @becausewelie​​​​​​ @outoftheregular​​​​​​​ @junipermurdock​​​​​​ @ladydmalfoy @mads-weasley​​​​​​ @username23345 @crist1216​​​​​​ @capswife​​​​​​ @lilmschild​​​​​​ @avngrsinitiative @crowleysqueenofhell​​​​​​ @y-napotat​​​ @mary1raven​​​​​​ @groovy-lady​​​​​​ @ljej95​​​​​​ @innersublimefury​​​ @prettysbliss​​​​​​​  

[phoenixradiant]

Writer Questionnaire

My thanks to @paeliae-occasionally for the tag! This gets pretty long so I'm putting it under the cut

About how long have you had your writing tumblr/writeblr?

Dunno, probably a bit over half a year at this point? Was it around February?

What led you to create it?

@ theidealistcynic (not actually @-ing him but he doesn't have a nickname like I do so) had one and he saw some people being less vague than he was and was like "Hey Fen here's a place where you can anonymously rant!" So now I'm here.

What’s your favourite thing about the writeblr community?

Probably the way we can joke about each others' characters. I don't do it too too much because I've gotten aspects of my mutuals' characters wrong before, but it's always fun either way.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

If you ever want real-life advice, I'm always willing to oblige. Can't promise it'll be helpful, but I'll try. You're all people with lives, same as me, and I'd be remiss not to try to help when I can.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

I actually made a post about this awhile back, but I'd love to see more unprompted rambling. I run across a lot of tag games, which are great, but not as great as someone choosing what they want to talk about for themselves.

Which wips or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

I'm actually sworn to just the one until I finish Act II at the very least. Which means it's Kelovir, has been for awhile, and will be awhile longer.

How long have you been working on them?

This is a pretty loaded question to be perfectly honest. I've been working on the prose draft for a bit over a year and three-quarters at this point. But the larger world it's set in has been lodged in my mind for over a decade. I suppose it came to fruition in what can reasonably be called its current form in late 2021/early 2022.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

No. Ink runs through my veins, light resides in my lungs, lifting me into the sky to see worlds and powers beyond our own. It just sort of happened, kinda like how you just happen to think some things taste better than others. I prefer to write rather than play sports or draw. It's always been that way, I suspect it will always be that way.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

Too much for how little I write.

When someone asks the dreaded, “what do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

I'm an antisocial prick to 97% of people, so I don't often get asked that. My non-writer friends and family are all decently smart avid readers, so they're familiar with a decent number of fantasy classics and figure that's what I write because that's what I read. Among my writer friends we're all SSF writers, so we don't bother asking for generics. If someone asked that question right now, though, I'd probably say something along the lines of "A fantasy story about finding purpose in a world hellbent on destroying it." Most people who don't know what fantasy is proceed to disparage it if I bother to explain, so I leave off the explanation usually.

Name any characters you created. side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, your first original abomination; whomever you’d like!

Hmm. I'm going to name Jikolovor. He's a very minor character who shows up for one scene with Maiph and Lycoris, but he has a lot of backstory importance for Radiaten specifically. He's an odd fellow who is very big on order and intentionality. He doesn't think of emotions as bad, but they must be in agreement with reason, and he doesn't hate freedom, but thinks it must be bounded to certain moral lines.

Who’s the most unhinged?

Kesh Anyraz. Unfortunately his whole personality is being unhinged so that's hardly an interesting answer. Cellic gets pretty unhinged for a bit there, but he comes out of it, so the character who was once on hinges that has since become unhinged would probably be Anesaru. She's just sane enough to be really dangerous, but just insane enough to... do what she does as a villain (spoilers).

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

Cellic feels very comfortable to me because I understand and enjoy him. Kar is comfortable-ish because his narration style and speaking style is very informal. Narra isn't ever very comfortable, but her difficult moments are never as difficult to write as the other two either. As to non-PoV characters, Radiaten has a very consistent personality and shares my sensibilities for when is appropriate to quip, so he's about as close to a personality self-insert as I get. So not super close but you get the point.

Do you ever cringe at them?

Only when I'm intentionally writing them to be cringeworthy. Other than that, I have an actor's sensibilities when it comes to earnesty in art. I cringe at real life far more often than I do at my characters, not because people in real life are earnest, nothing against that, but because I'm socially inept and even I can see how tactless and out-of-place they are.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters? do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? to what degree? are some less cooperative than others?

I'm a student of the "driver's seat" school of art, so I'm in control the whole way along. Characters can nudge me certain directions, sometimes I decide on the spur of the moment to add an extra scene or something, but ultimately I decide on the start and end points and most of how they get there. Sometimes that changes, but individual characters are never the cause of that. It's always two or three characters in confluence or, more often, a more thematic moment. I'm pretty good at wrangling my characters into shape... it just sometimes means writing new scenes takes awhile.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? and do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? for example, as asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on ao3, etc.

Nods in laconic appreciation.

What makes you want to follow another writeblr account? do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? do you follow based on wips, or vibes?

I follow people who I consistently see making or reblogging posts that I'm interested in. Simple as that. I suppose I can be a bit stingy with my follows, but a lot of it is that I don't want to find out they made one good writing post and then spend the rest of their time complaining about how everyone they know irl except them is a selfish bastard who deserves to be bound, gagged, and thrown into the ocean (yes I have someone in mind, no it's not any of you, don't worry). I am, I have discovered, a more plot-focused reader than a lot of people, and so I appreciate writeblrs who talk about their story as a cohesive unit, rather than just plot or just characters or just world. The weaving of all that together is definitely something I look for.

What makes you decide against following?

Oh whoops probably should've saved part of last question for this one. Ah well. Openly hostile and ungrateful people, mostly. Show common courtesy and you'll be fine.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

I mean... Do I?

Okay, so I looked into it, and I do routinely interact with a few non-mutuals, but I follow all three of them. I don't remember the last time I interacted with someone who I am not now following (actually I think I reblogged one writing advice post about dialogue tags). So not much, but sometimes, I guess.

Solid meh

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

A couple of them do. Not all of them, but a decent number. There's like a critical mass of information after which they can reliably stay in my head. The ones who I hear more about are the ones who take up occasional residence in my imagination.

This was fun! NP tagging @the-ellia-west, @pluppsauthor, and @somethingclevermahogony!

[hislittleraincloud]

SPOILERS, Discussion II, Chapter 6 Part 2.

Don't read this if you haven't read this chapter.

This is an author answer/response to "Wednesdays_Destiny" on AO3 because I can't be bothered (or frustrated) to chop it up into God knows how many comments in their 10K limit.

Purple is direct Afterburn Canon/quote.

Pink is Wednesdays_Destiny's thoughts/q's.

THE COLORS ARE A LITTLE MESSED THIS TIME. IDK what happened, something happened when it saved to drafts. It's this trash site's problem. Not going back to fix it 💀

Fun video clip included under the cut.

>legitimate physical harm is fair game.&lt;

>>>Usually such rules "everything except" happen after "except" happens, so I wonder if they had an incident previously.

It’s that they know that the different species have different levels of powers, some more potentially dangerous than others, so they respect each others’ differences by keeping each other safe. (This is a little spoilery.)

>it billowed out their noses as their&lt;

>>>Yeah sorry that ship has sailed B/Y, nothing will beat the irritated dragon Wednesday.

Wednesday shotgunned Donovan on her birthday, too. It hits different though, I get it…Yoko has yet to win any hearts over. But shotgunning is still sexy.

>gives a vampire the benefit&lt;

>>> Is that a benefit? Despite being able to mix you Just need to buy and consume more then?

If normal people mixed drugs the way vampires can, they’d all be dead. Or undead, if they’re lucky enough to be “resuscitated” by a vampire before the heart stops. Either way, vampires can't die of an OD.

>perhaps she just didn't remember&lt;

>>>>I will admit I am curious what happened that she chose to forget it ever happened.

Well, we’ll just have to see if that question is ever answered in canon or in a flashback or in a deleted scene or in a short one shot or…

>those powers wouldn't show up for another few years&lt;

curious if sirens/Gorgon also get their powers during puberty of it they have it from birth.

Sirens and Gorgons are born that way, with some minor changes as growth happens. And I’m taking from N/Canon that psychic powers don’t show up until just about mid-puberty. Wednesday’s psychic powers showed up after the Fester-like electricity did to a noticeable degree…that’s all I’ll say about that for now, since it’ll probably be covered in Chapter 7. And BTW, male sirens and gorgons are rarer than females; Kent and Ajax are the outliers of their kind. Telekinesis is male-dominated outside of vampires (where it’s gender neutral), but there are Addamses who have that. They have a wide array of powers in the family.

>since her very plain surname wasn't exactly memorable.&lt;

>>>>What do you mean? Addams is like one of the most memorable last names there is.

It’s actually common (35th in the U.S.), except for the spelling. That’s why Enid spelled it “Adams” in her shitty blog.  LOL

>cold and professional…. A sudden commotion&lt;

>>>> And you blueball us pff. Given that she lost her virginity to our sheriff the farthest they went was a blowjob, maybe that explains how she was so good with Donovan first try - if she was "experimenting" with with boys previously.

I probably won’t write what happened (even though I know exactly what happened…) but she did not put her mouth on him. That I can tell you. It was, at first, honestly innocent “doctor” play.

>"I'm ovulating." &lt;

>>>>Oohhh FucK

Oh no, someone’s gonna end up pregnant in their sophomore year of high school, oh nooooo…*cackling*

>the colorful rainbow rippling up and&lt;

>>>>Talk about inconvenient, that prevents all types of exhibition kinks like having a remote vibe inside in the classroom, coming and trying to not move a muscle/be dead quiet so no one catches on. But besides that its fucking glorious.

I can imagine many, many funny scenarios where their orgasms happen in public.

>his sister's paranoid drug rages&lt;

>>>>Glad I have never touched any type of drug, of any type. That sounds just horrible.

Some people can’t handle their drugs *at all*. Wednesday is smart and doesn’t take unnecessary risks (so far) with drugs. Divina has difficulty with it, and not necessarily because she takes too much (though sometimes she does…I think there’s a lot of pain and guilt in her since I already have their backstory written).

>the balloon inflated, rising off of his hand&lt;

>>>>Now do that with Laurels head.

He’ll deal with some of his rage about “Ms. Thornhill” in the sequel, I think.

>strange tornado of feelings he had for an old, quirky acquaintance&lt;

>>>>Given that Donovan is 55 he will be dead in 30ish years at the latest, then you will be a man and can go collect your woman. Till then run a FwB with Bianca.

*laughs in Omnipotent POV*

>gorgon was stone hard&lt;

Punny American, I see.

🥸

>her during, manipulating pressure against her clit&lt;

>>>>Or you could use your powers to massage parts you could not normally reach, like the roots and base of her clit instead.

Do you honestly believe that nerdy little Rowan who kissed like he was a thirsty dog lapping at a water bowl would know anything about female anatomy other than the clit and vagina?  Plus even if he did, he’d still be lost since the siren’s weird labia kinda work differently (they’re able to move/ripple…kinda like Pseudobiceros bedfordi: 

Persian Carpet Flatworm Pseudobiceros bedfordi )

See that rippling?  That’s how their labia work. Only they also have lamellae (think the underside of a mushroom) that also move with that.

>amazingly satisfying cock, just big&lt;

>>>>Imo missed opportunity to have him have a 4 inch cock and use his telekintetic powers to stretch the vagina of the girl he is with telekineticly making him always be the perfect fit.

Rowan was not a shapeshifter like his father, so extending his dick would hurt him and shortening the vag of the girl to make his tiny peen fit would hurt her (when Chance has sex with Weems, he changes things about himself to fit her, like his tongue, but honestly, he is already her perfect fit…ahem). As a telekinetic, he can only manipulate what is already there, whereas shapeshifters are...

...more flexible.

Plus I wanted to be kind to Rowan…it wasn’t his fault he lost his mind.

>"Is what all that we are?" "I dunno. I just have a feeling."&lt;

>>>>The fact of having pictures of lots of ancient, important and powerful legacy in your hideout, a bunch of old valuable books...I have no idea how you would get that idea. The nightshades were always meant to be a trivial social club.

This is an N/Canon problem. Given that Bianca et al have had this kind of access to the library (hmm, how did they get it in the first place…I guess I’ll have to be the one to fricking explain it then, thanks N/Canon crap writers LOL) for at least two other semesters and HASN’T read any of those books, uh…yeah. Someone intro’ed the Nightshades as a “social club”. Hmm, I wonder whooooo………..

>Bianca held a bit of resentment&lt;

>>>>As much as I love Enid, that is her biggest flaw, I suspect she runs the blog because she did not have any real friends - she was rooming alone before and Yoko had space, so she prob was using it to fill some void.

I’ve thought about that as well. She was rooming alone. Why? Poor Enid. Enid has her strengths, but she can be a little ditzy.

>"S'not like Addams hasn't made it abundantly clear that she doesn't want 'im."&lt;

>>>>-They have history, she saved him, he saved her, in the infirmary, she looked...content, she finds him interesting (as the killer or not)... I get why he's holding out hope.

Bianca doesn’t know anything about their history.

> whose activity had made Divina's siren song a little louder&lt;

>>>> The siren song is the power they use to manipulate, is the implication here it's like a cat purring? A cat's purr does have certain qualities of a siren song…

We saw how a “siren song” actually works (twice, once with Tyler and once with Coach Vlad). In order to manipulate someone, they have to state what they want them to do. With this aspect of a  siren song, it’s more like a deep sea mating song. They’re not telling anyone to do anything, it’s not produced out of manipulation; it’s produced out of pleasure.

That said, have you ever heard a female cat's mating call? It’s not purring. A whale's call sounds like this. But the wails, as pleasant as they are (and they are pleasant, not as harsh as whale sounds) just happened to remind Xavier of cats/Morella.

>would suction into place around a female siren's cervix&lt;

>>>>Tor, making up siren genitalia since Wednesday But I am curious, does that still work if the male siren is cut? Are sirens not cut?

Male sirens are never cut.

>"We have to go on ahead with your original plan,"&lt;

>>>>Given you got killed via nightshade poisoning, Enid fights the Hyde and Wednesdays shoe killing thornkill your plan failed.

Hmm.

>her father out of those murder charges stemming&lt;

>>>>Stemming from you - no one else saw Gomez holding that sword so it was you who put that whole ball rolling.

She described what she saw and the circumstances around it.  She isn’t psychic, yanno. LOL Plus she was Enid’s age, or about.

>"You still think she could be the one?"&lt;

>>>>Curious what the payoff for that one will be. As a possible theory, the chancellor is a Wednesday stalker by the end.

Hmm. I will say that eventually they will have some scenes together.

>Trust me…they're all safe, fucking each other under the moonlight.&lt;

>>>>What? 6 out of the 300+ Students are safe and the others are just fucked. The bad fucked.

He assumes that the whole school is probably fucking under the moonlight too, so when he says “all” it’s extended to mean everyone in the castle. All horny teens. And he’s probably correct. I just haven’t gone into the dorms of the other three halls yet (which I have named, since the fucking fuck writers haven’t given us those names either).

>listening to Noble's concerns about the lack of progress on the case&lt;

>>>> Interesting if I recall correctly Noble thought the murders to be a bear not any type of outcast. So there is no case in Noble's mind?

This is part of N/Canon that pisses me off; Noble used to be Sheriff. Meaning he was a cop, investigating crimes. So AB/C Noble heavily suspects that it really isn’t a bear, given the wounds. He tells Weems and the public that they’re bear attacks because he’s working to preserve their symbiotic relationship. Nevermore gets left alone from any ordinances/bigots like David Breeding because Nevermore contributes to his campaign and gives shitloads of cash to the city in taxes and donations.

>approved people just weren't human enough&lt;

>>>>Oh no...is this going where I think it's going?

🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️

>pilgrims who persecuted and murdered outcasts&lt;

>>>>Regarding my outcast questions, THIS is why it's important

You cannot even look at a Gorgon…

The original outcasts in the colonies did not include gorgons and sirens. More on that in the future, I already have things planned and am not spoiling that.

>when few outcasts were sent overseas&lt;

>>>>Why? Looping back to some of my other questions, Georgians don't do it intentionally, so could you just tie one to the barrel of your tank and anyone trying to shoot at you gets stoned? They would be the best war asset, same with shapeshifters infiltrating the command level of the military Are outcasts even an only native American thing?

I don’t think outcasts normally like to get involved in Muggl — erm, norminal affairs. The only ones who were sent were vampires. Both groups would end up losing more than they would if they just left each other alone.

>and he lived in a trailer >like an accident by running her over with his truck&lt;

>>>>Unless that truck had fist shaped tires, I do not see how that could have worked. Also, that is fucking brutal.

Men like Breeding are the type who would do something like this.  And it’s been done before.

>building a decent case against someone&lt;

>>>>While it would be great to have those violent people gone it would not solve the murders happening Donovan.

He’s just trying to buy time.

> That's one Hell of a 'therapist'&lt;

>>>>It's called shock therapy I believe. With her fingers. And Shocks.

💀

>He'd been forbidden to masturbate&lt;

>>>>Wednesday should get the same rule...also Him coming untouched thinking of her while also able to last multiple of her orgasms while inside her is confusing.

Wednesday lives by her own rules in all canon, LOL And a man can’t control his wet dreams. Also, the power of the mind vs. body is a strange thing. I’ve seen some men last through multiple orgasms. I’ve seen some who are one weak little stream and that’s it. So there is always the average, which is a big pond to find average fish in, but then you have the special ones, like Donovan and shape shifters.

>There was no way that he would have taken the chance of a perfect match.&lt;

>>>>Then why bother? Frankly, this tells you very little. Only that both claws are related. It could be your wife's family had more hides in them that are still around I get him trying to deny it, but at least be sure of it and then deny it.

His wife’s family are all in France (though a lot of them are dead), and he wanted to be more than sure it was Tyler and not some other Hyde (in case there was another Hyde). Francie’s DNA may have been wiped from CODIS, but testing might still have record of it, thus Donovan wasn’t going to take the risk of the official channels finding the match. He’s a little paranoid since he’s pretty sure he still has copies of files that were otherwise ‘lost’.

>chided him for being weak and pathetic.&lt;

>>>>How is Donovan weak and pathetic?

There is a method to my madness with these secondary, no-line characters. You're just going to have to trust me.

> What brought out Tyler's? &lt;

>>>>You see there is this lovely woman, glasses, loves plants, hates outcasts, loves coffee and your sons cock.

#Gatesmonster has my attention atm.

>and was sitting up in his new black and white pet bed > the girl who had a soft spot for animals&lt;

>>>>While that thought is adorable, I doubt she cares for animals as a whole, given she basically murdered two bags full of piranhas in the opener and besides loving her pet Nero I do not recall any other interactions with animals.

That she has a ‘way’ with animals is canon.  She has hibernated with bears and swam with sharks. Those weren’t one of her usual ‘Wednesday being edgy’ lies, since Wednesday and Gomez confirm the shark thing. Bear hibernation was sort of confirmed with Eugene.

>since photography had been a hobby of his&lt;

>>>>That is neat, giving our man some hobbies. Proper photography is hard too, and no selfies on whatever site currently is in are not photography

This is something that Wednesday and Donovan share/bond with over. She likes crime scene photography, so she was taught to develop her own film.

>that she had a mirror fetish&lt;

>>>>Katoptronophilia you mean ?...Donovan, also using this chance to point out that kink and fetish are different, kink is optional but gives pleasure, fetish needs to be present to get pleasure at all.

I’m not going to go into this debate because it’s silly, especially when everyone is always contradicting themselves when trying to parse the difference. The Addamses all have it, hence the Hall of Mirrors. People can have a fetish for something but not have to indulge in it every time. How many times have people discovered their spouses’ fetishes after not having a clue about them before marriage? Plenty. As well, I see them as something that would immediately get someone off, where as a kink can be more drawn out.

>grim creeperism that kept everybody else at a distance&lt;

>>>>That is such an interesting point, is Wednesday acting or is she genuine when she is creepy...Eg the hug with Enid, was that Wednesday, giving in "fine I like hugs" or was that purely for enid's sake

I have been meaning to do a series about the lies Wednesday tells whenever she wants to shock people. We already know she does this, purposely, within her first ten minutes with Enid. “Rumor has it that you killed a kid at your old school and your parents pulled a few strings to get you off…” “Actually it was two kids, but who’s counting?” (Lie, since she didn’t kill any kids at all, she just maimed Dalton.) “I was born on Friday the 13th.” (Lie, since her birthday on the show is in November and there was no Friday the 13th in November 2006.) “Sartre said ‘Hell is other people.’ He was my first crush.” (Very unlikely, LOL). Etc., etc.

>A sixteen-year-old Wednesday was more bold, perhaps reckless&lt;

>>>> This is making me wonder who the first one to find out who shouldn't be, regarding "I fuck who I want, and there is nothing you can do about it"

Upcoming, Chapter 7.

>she was forced to keep rejecting the boy's advances&lt;

>>>>-She seemed really shocked and pleased about that date location, unless she's faking the whole "iam into death" thing, a crypt would be the perfect spot to take the creepy goth girl, and of course a normal scary movie would be a joke to her, so either double down with a classic or go the inverse with a vibrant movie that is scary and torture for her.

I don’t think the ‘I’m into death’ thing is faked, but by this point in the AB story, she’s already had her candle lit birthday, and it was done better, even though it wasn’t in a crypt. Again, Tyler went with the assumptions here. 

>>>>When Donovan leaves the way she looked to (her) bottom left "oh fuck how am i gonna explain that one to my man ?"

🙂

>"Do I scare you, Donovan?"&lt;

>>>>I feel like...i saw that line befor...hmmm.

This whole scene before the truck was the one I had to take back from Part 1.  So people read it there, first.

> with her electrical discharges&lt;

>>>> Since I have yet to see a payoff to that little storyline, here is my newest take on it: She's gonna kill him with said electrical discharges during one of her most powerful orgasms she has for him

Nope.

>or into her womb&lt;

Given how much he has filled her with already, there should be something in the oven already…

🙂

>slight strabismus in her right eye<

>>>>Is this something you made up? I saw your recent post with Wednesday/Tyler at the station, and she does have it but that could just be due to the distance he just went up to her?

Normal Wednesday/Jenna eyes:

She has it in the scene where they’re arresting Xavier…because she’s so full of pride and excitement that her right eye just wants to bug out into a different direction LMAO:

It's slight (I did say slight!).

Not tryna be mean, but it’s there (and also visible at split second times in other scenes/things she does). Doesn’t make her less cute. If Jenna God forbid ever saw this, I hope she knows that no one's perfect, certain sht can't be helped, she's cute in this whole series.

>"You're destroying your liver."&lt;

>>>>Yeah well you decided to go for an old alcoholic, the limited expiration date was visible before you made your purchase Addams.

She didn’t know just how much he drank (not the beer in his desk, but the scotch), though, until…well. That answer is in this chapter too.

>"Doll, you know what it's like to make promises in this fucked up world we live in," &lt;

>>>> love to hear his unwavering affection for her, iam sure nothing can shake that. Right?

He will love her until the day that he dies. ETA: And vice versa (she will love him until the day she dies as well).

>"Even if I dig up more bodies?" she asked&lt;

>>>>Taking her to a court ordered gravedigging might be a good setting for a date with him.

Hmm. 

>run down wasn't exactly something she was eager to witness either&lt;

>>>>Given that Canon Wednesday stated she had it on her bucket list, does this mean your Wednesday is a softer version and part of the "I love death" she exhibits is fake?

“Bucket list” N/C comment was one of her lies/shock value/edgy comments, see above about her lies/sarcasm, to mess with people. AB/C Wednesday is pretty accurate to that except for how she behaves around Donovan, which is the softer part. And yet she will still say her ‘Wednesday lies’ around him, too. It’s just how she is. I feel like she does this to keep people at a distance so they never know the real truth around who she is…kind of a defense mechanism.

>it was horrific and she froze&lt;

>>>>It really was not that bad Wednesday, Eugene's claw wounds were much more severe, speaking off, the mayor got killed because he got it figured out, why exactly got Eugene attacked again? Laurel specifically ordered Tyler there for what, injure him? As much as I love Eugene, he should be dead.

I’ve watched this scene more times than I can count just for the surprised and shocked gasp of hers that happens when Noble is hit, and to watch her hurriedly get the fk out of his SUV (hurried so much that she didn't bother to close the hatch) and run towards them.  She was shocked by it/took no pleasure in it. 

Regarding Eugene, I believe he survived because he had that thick jacket on. Rowan had his vest but it wasn’t zipped up, same goes for the camper in the beginning (I think). Eugene had layers that could’ve helped save him from deadlier wounds (Tylermonster didn’t have too much time to hack and slash at him like he did with Fabian, since Tylermonster could hear that Wednesday was on the way via them calling out to each other).

Also speaking of Eugene: Laurel fucking Gates could detach Noble from his ventilator, but not Eugene from his?  COME ON!!! 

>he hooked her leg over his hip and started thrusting&lt;

>>>>I have to admit I had to reread this a couple times before (I think) I pictured it correctly...

Do I have to illustrate this with LEGO again?  Her right leg is on the door frame because there’s no real space to put the left foot (his cruiser has a metal grate that separates arrestees in the back; but he does have some shelf space behind the front seats for shit like equipment, his hat, etc.). He hooked her left leg over him (with her pants having slid off her boot...those are wide-leg pants again).

>more pained sounds she made, the harder he fucked&lt;

>>>>Is our sweetheart Donovan also into inflicting pain? It would appear so.

I think it’s harder to describe than that.

>there was nothing but blissful acceptance&lt;

>>>>So breathplay is another Kink of hers.

Maybe.

>Donovan hated hearing her name fall from Tyler's lips&lt;

>>>> The fuck did he even come from? I checked he was standing in a corner and when he is leaving he's using a different door like what.

I like to think he was coming in from the garage. The exterior of the house doesn’t match the interior shots anyway, so in AB/Canon, that door he came in from in the scene w Tyler was the garage. For all we know, it leads to the outside (probably N/Canon, but again...the house’s interior doesn’t match the exterior, as there’s another door on almost the same corner as that kitchen/dining/living room door below):

>"Came home during my shift last week.&lt;

>>>>During an eventual next reread I will need to note down dates and day changes to see if this is one session we have been with them.

🙂

>his right in a fist near his face.&lt;

I gotta say iam not sure how I feel about this Donovan, failing to do what is right is not equal to doing wrong...but getting violent (again based on his fearful reaction) is not excusable.

I wrote this scene before I discovered that in the original script, Donovan was supposed to smack him. I see why they cut it out, violence is never a solution and that saved Donovan from being a terrible guy in N/Canon, but at this point in the AB story, Donovan is overwhelmed. Think of how much higher this makes his stress level (to think that his own son could potentially find out or figure out that he’s been fucking ((and is totally in love with)) a younger girl). He’s unraveling, like Wednesday.  Except Wednesday doesn’t have to look at a killer ((that he loves)) every night.

>I won't even mention what else I smell&lt;

>>>>I mean, what else DO you smell ?, The Sheriff, her smelling freshly fucked/sweaty, possibly cum. Weed. A proper cake? It's not that bad Enid.

There are loads of other things werewolves can smell around other non-werewolves when they’re conscious of it.

> checking to make sure the flashlight still worked&lt;

>>>> Not on you but the show, the fuck is up with those flashlights, modern flashlights are powerful enough to illuminate a fucking forest in the middle of the night as if its day, why do you run around with a candle on a stick basically? Fucking amateurs

I think they were trying to keep on the fact that Wednesday is still old fashioned. Hence her batteries for her flashlight instead of getting one that you can recharge, etc.  Though she has a really weird flashlight that flashes red. I dunno why they did that (the scene where they come upon the Cadillac at the mansion).  ETA 9/10/23: This was the one mistake I made so far in interpreting the series, the red flash was not her flashlight, it was the above lamp she turned on. Which still doesn't make sense, why red? Weird. Anyway, I missed that at first, but I know it now. (Another reason why I need to keep watching 7 and 8 while I write my 7 and 8. The sequencing and details are a bigger mess.)

>"Since the Rave'N.&lt;

>>>>Ha Enid caught on immediately.

She sure did. It was especially strong after her birthday, in spite of the rain/some wash-offs.

>Wednesday was a really pretty girl&lt;

>>>>Everyone loves Eugene. I have not met anyone who dislikes Eugene. Look how much fanfiction is Eugene centric. How often he gets the girl. Never.

He’ll get the girl. The people in this fandom forget about the Longbottom Effect.

>the other Furs can&lt;

>>>>8 Hours runtime and we know a single Named fur: Enid, Murray/Esther do not count because they do not go to the school.

No vampires except Yoko, either. 

>'clique' were all fucking each other.&lt;

>>>>It does break my heart that sweet Ajax is cheating on Enid, at this point they are together and this confirms she has no idea.

Ajax…crap, I can’t type what I was gonna type. … 🙂

>if he's got a big — " "Enid."&lt;

>>>>Damn it Enid not you too, men have more value than the size of their cocks! , just think about the size of their wallets!

She a typical curious teen girl.  I’d have asked too.  

>hideous looking monster.&lt;

>>>>Given you have given the sirens new genitalia, are about to give Enid special lady parts, Is Laurel dealing with normal or "advanced" genitalia?

Laurel’s dealing with Tyler’s almost 7” long schlong. He hasn’t transformed during sex. 

>they smelled like the boy who had accompanied them&lt;

>>>>So she knows.

She doesn’t even have a suspicion yet because she literally has no clue as to what’s going on.  Wednesday never talks to her about it because she doesn’t want to hear it (canon, after she faints and makes W move her own crime board). If you were Enid and you were totally sidetracked into doing something totally fucked up and suddenly came upon this bed that smelled like Tyler’s pheromones (and Laurel’s, but she can’t place it because she’s only smelled her in passing/didn’t really have cause to commit her scent to memory), you’d wonder WTF was going on, too. 

>Disappeared. Evidence, disappeared&lt;

>>>>God iam so upset that this is what happened and canon, really? Small little Laurel emptied out the whole place? ...

I have hated the writers for this, too. She’s small like Wednesday is. To move ALL of that stuff in so little time?  COME ON. 

Unless…she had help.

>to this case is somewhere, it never is!"&lt;

>>>>How so? She brought you two DNA samples, and while the match between them was a bust, you luckily had a third sample so she DID confirm your suspicion by delivering you Tylers claw.

Rowan’s body wasn’t (which to him is still an unsolved mystery at this point), the cave got destroyed before they could get to it (THIS IS STUPID CANON TOO! The minute she gave him the claw she should have also told him where she fkn got it…there was more than enough time to get over to the damn cave to search it for prints/other evidence). AB/C Donovan also suspects that this evidence could’ve helped figure out who unlocked Tyler, so having a promise of it only to have it not pan out is frustrating to him, so he’s taking it out on her.

>what it was that he was keeping from her&lt;

>>>>Iam so excited for the next two chapters to find out if they talk about Tyler being the hyde before the official reveal in canon, both of them basically know it's him, even more so once Enid provides her insight.

🙂

>We'll talk when I get back."&lt;

>>>>Tyler bud, I know things have been hard but I really need you to stop monstering, my girlfriend is starting to suspect you.

Hmm.

>"I don't want that right now,"&lt;

>"Shoulders…please." &lt;

>>>>really appreciate that she tells him what she likes.

She’s been reading that communication is the key to a healthy sex life. …Or maybe she’s just bossy.  

>rather liked that smell. It was the smell of her arousal&lt;

>>>>The inclusion of smell in your sex scenes is something I love. It's a sense that is often overlooked.

I try to include it in everything, regardless (the cedar cabin, the aroma of beer in Wednesday’s first kiss, etc.). It’s something that a lot of shows (and fic) miss.

>"That sounds like a you problem,"&lt;

>>>>No that's a both of you problem, if you do not help to make your partner decent again when they have to be, you're just an asshole.

She was being an asshole because she was pissed about him not believing her. She feels he knows better and needs to open up more, especially after the rough sex in the cruiser.

>"You don't have a choice — "&lt;

>>>>This is not how it works Wednesday, because if it were you are in a relationship with Xavier or Tyler right now. Both sides need to agree to form and maintain a relationship, so once Donovan decides he needs a break, it is out of your hands.

Honestly, they should be talking to each other about everything re: the case. He doesn’t really need the break from her, he needs to be able to breathe easier since he knows his son is a killer and that he could end up killing the one thing that makes him feel like living again. But I’m also going by canon, so…they have to have a break.

>"Of course. My apologies for," she cleared her throat, "my behavior. Just now."&lt;

>>>>Love that she realized that too and that she apologizes for it, Wednesday really struggles with admitting when she's wrong.

She haaaaaaates embarrassing herself, and that’s what she thinks it is. 

>are relatively generative&lt;

A word so big even google translate abandoned me. I "assume"(see what I mean?) she is not talking about the female reproductive cycle.

🙃

>GOD WHAt THE FUcK!!!!!!!!!&lt;

>>>>funny to me. Based how you have the timeline fixed, she's gonna be very frustrated soon, based on my (possibly horrible) investigation:

-There is a Proper Full Moon…And yet the writers for the show can't be assed to check their shit...

And since they couldn’t figure out their shit about dates and moons and such, I’m working with it.  I can’t fix their stupid. Well, I could, but I made a commitment not to mess with canon too much.  The moons are too much, and I can only fix some things. There has to be at least a few days from this point in her breakdown until Noble's funeral, because funerals don't happen overnight. If that messes with the moon schedule, oh well.   

>as her charged hands sparked like crazy and lit some of the pieces on fire&lt;

>>>>Totally used that for my personal little story on how she executes laurel. A boot to the face is too easy.

I’ve only read one fic (and it was bad…to me it was) about how Wednesday ended up breaking Laurel’s neck when she booted her. But who said she was dead? N/C sure doesn’t.

>and Morticia wasn't sure what to do about her daughter's self-harm&lt;

>>>>Tell Wednesday you used to self harm too, it might backfire horribly or she will stop in an attempt to not be like her mother.

That’s not how AB/C Morticia works. She has more problems than N/C Tish does, I think.  Only because something needs to be part of why Wednesday is the way she is sometimes.

>on her mid-cut, the blood seeping from the long wound she created&lt;

>>>>Given she's on the upturn now and thing prevented this session, this is the worst it is going to get right?

You think she’s on the upturn?  *laughs in severely depressed Wednesday*

>Her scars from before were healing a lot better&lt;

>>>>Foreshadowing to healing powers? If yes, it means she always had them and goody just unlocked them?

🙂

>if the break was permanent? &lt;

>>>>Then you will kill Laurel in a really creative way and offer her heart to Donovan and ask for forgiveness.

Forgiveness for what? ;)

>What I do with my body is my bus — "&lt;

>>>>That is a very good point. It is her business, inhaling any kind of smoke is hazardous to health - permanently, where as unless she kills herself, some cuts will heal into scars eventually.

So why does he actively support one type of self harm, and prevents the other?- (to my understanding eating demon lettus via food infusion is perfectly safe and fine, smoking is not)

You’re probably the only one reading this thinking that smoking weed is on par with cutting “self-harm”. They are not the same. For her, weed helps her mental health and electrical discharges (and it doesn’t do much harm to her anyway… 🙂). She hasn’t been smoking as much lately, so you’ll notice more zaps here and there. My father is an 81-year-old microbiologist & botanist (that I consult about a lot of things for parts of my writing)...he grows the weed I smoke for my own problems. I prefer to eat it and prefer to encourage eating over smoking, though.

>but what Thing said sent her spiraling into a full panic&lt;

>>>>Dont blue ball us what did he say ?

I wrote this in the first response on AO3, but the italicized quote was what Thing signed, telling her it was going to be okay.

>smirking in satisfaction at her&lt;

>>>>I hate her so much.

RIGHT?  But that’s pure Laurel Gates evil. Fucking bitch.  I fucking hate her.  …But I love her at the same time. I think there’s something wrong with me. LOL

>>>>I have been considering to create a Tumblr account to be able to respond to your comments directly and have more in-depth conversations

STILL WAITING. ;)

>>>>Thank you so much for this story and the steamy smut you have in it, waiting excitedly for chapter 7.

The steam will only be in places other than Wenovan in this chapter, sadly. Feels kinda weird not writing their fuckbunny scenes right now, and before a few days ago, 7 was going to be absent of explicit sex. …Now it’s not. *cackling*

9/10/23: I uh...I changed my mind. LOL

[huntingteeth]

author headcanons for i know how we got here (give in again) that don't spoil the fic but and might be fun to know

part 3, aka chapters 11-14

chapter 11

this chapter went through about four drafts before we ended up here and it's SO MUCH BETTER than it was initially.

i think it would be fun to do a side by side comparison of the first draft to the final product but uh here is not the time nor place and also that's probably not as interesting lol

initially this chapter was going to burst open with vessel and the gang and have it go straight into the action but!! this scene both gives us a break from the tension of the previous chapter and lets us check in with iv.

again, i wanted there to be a throughline between iv's first dream with sleep and this dream sequence, so he comes to in the forest and transitions to the shoreline, both places that briefly show up in the first dream.

sleep explains some things in its own peculiar way while explaining nothing at all, tbh.

but wait, didn't you say that ii cast protection from good and evil on iv before he was pulled through the portal? i mean yes but i don't think sleep is trying to possess, frighten, or charm iv here. it's just trying to communicate with him and the best way for sleep to communicate is through his dreams while he's unconscious. i know irl dreaming while passed out can be a symptom of a specific type of epilepsy, but for the purposes of this fic this isn't the case and sleep uses it as a way to speak to iv.

i've been calling the small voices that also speak to iv the echoes. they echo things that sleep has said, they echo things from the waking world, but they're also able to generate their own speech.

"think of how happy you'll be to see them" > "he'll be so happy to see you" to iii from the start of this fic, aka sleep said the right thing at the wrong time initially because sleep, unlike humans, isn't tethered to time.

if it makes you feel worse, i think iv was probably conscious while he was in the trance in the previous scene. he could do minor things like cover his bleeding ears, as long as he didn't look away from the mirror, and watching marc in the mirror. the flinching was definitely iv flinching every time marc tried to break through the mirror on his side, but he was unable to move away or call for help.

again, protection from good and evil is keeping bune at bay in this moment, but iv is still aware that he's near

iv casts arcane ward here and it activates just as marc opens the door.

i needed marc to be close enough to iv so iv could use the ring sam gave him to cast burning hands. unfortunately, marc is exactly the type of creep who would get that close to iv to keep him where he wants him. if you're picking up on the weird non-con vibes here, that's because they're definitely there.

this scene with marc asking him where he learned that kind of magic went through several iterations. originally originally there was going to be a conversation about how marc told iv not to use magic in the past and how it's a real shame he disobeyed him but it didn't fit in correctly with the first blocking of this scene. then, i left in the part where marc asks him where he learned magic like that and left in the part where iv says, "i don't belong to you" because i thought it still conveyed the same idea, mostly because i think we're all aware of the type of asshole marc is. in the actual chapter they don't really have the conversation but i put back in that marc had told him not to use magic in the past, because i think it illustrates better the mindset and beliefs that marc has about who iv is in relation to him.

spirit shroud, the spell marc uses to demonstrate what new powers he's gotten from bune, slows a target's speed (and does some other stuff that doesn't happen here in this fic) so iv finds it very difficult to move away.

this ending line really demonstrates how much marc has lost the plot, so to speak. "all i had to do was give you up"? what the fuck, man.

this second scene was originally all in iii's perspective and ended differently than it does in the fic. it started different, it ended different, and it had a totally different vibe. it had a funny ending! wild that i had a totally mean aha! moment by draft 4 and changed everything.

small disclaimer, it's really hard to write a) an action scene, b) an action scene with so many people, and c) an action scene with so many people who are also fighting using magic, so i hope you liked the final product as much as i like it. after writing the first draft of this scene, i had a huge moment where i was like "oh my god, this sucks, it doesn't capture what i was trying to portray, it's going to be a huge letdown when people read it for the first time" and i stewed in that for a significant amount of time. drafts 1-3 were in iii's perspective and then i flipped it, on a whim, to ii's perspective and i think honestly that made a difference.

for example, in the first draft, iii only dimension doors vessel to the apartment because i was going to use that as a way to introduce that ii can bop from one shadow to the next (aka, hidden paths, a feature of his circle of dreams druid class) and could use that to travel quickly and because ii being able to use hidden paths was going to be a major point later in the scene. but i ended up scrapping that entire plot line lol.

when iii smacks marc's spell out of the air, that's either an off-label use of foresight or a counterspell, but i haven't really decided which and honestly i don't think it's integral to the story to know which it is!! it's fucking cool is what it is!

iii goading marc here, you're right, is a direct reflection of real life iii yelling at the crowd on stage, how did you know?

"a familiar blue string of light unfurls" that's the mind spike from earlier that's still in effect.

marc casts maddening darkness here and then lyns casts faerie fire on him -- to be clear, idk that this is how faerie fire works in a real dnd game but it's fucking cool so it's happening here. she casts another spell on iv here as well, but you don't know what it is in chapter 11, tee hee!

after he gets stabbed, marc casts eyebite. i tried to stick with spells that fell under the "necromancy" category for marc. that's just some extra flavor for you.

in the first draft, marc did not do as much talking as he does in the final chapter and it was really lacking lol. i also like how it vacillates between marc and the boys and then paige and sam. i think it creates a sense of things are happening and they're happening quickly.

i wanted bune to be really scary and also really gross and i think i achieved that. also, what the fuck did sleep ever do to bune? idk, that's literally the only plot point i didn't try to figure out.

bune puppets marc here because truly that's all he sees marc as. he doesn't want marc, he doesn't really want to give marc powers, but marc is a means to an end.

get it, mattie!!!! i think this is supposed to be kind of like holy aura and then she casts sleep, but to be honest about halfway through writing this i stopped referring to my copious notes on dnd spells and just started doing things that seemed cool. it's my fic, i can do whatever i want.

you can break the sleep spell if you take damage, ergo bune injures marc so he can keep casting spells through his body.

sam!! sam!! sam!!

again, we're doing that thing where we switch from one thing that's happening in the scene (iii pushing iv back) to another thing that's happening during the scene (bune tearing down the wall) to create tension and a quick pace before they merge together to continue the story

originally there was going to be venom in the fic. like, bune was going to spit a venomous substance onto iv and it was going to be narsty.

chapter 11 continued, because apparently there's a character limit per block and tumblr hates me

i wanted to sandwich iv getting impaled between two big godlike moments. i wanted to undersell it in the moment and make you think, "wait, what?" i didn't want you to realize he had been impaled and injured until iv realized he had been impaled and even then, i didn't want to explicitly say the word "impaled"

i think i already established that ii can't heal iii's throat because it was an injury made by sleep, but i'm officially retconning that only injuries made by sleep can't be healed. any injuries made by gods can't be healed by ii, which sucks, but also how would they know that if they've never been in a fight with another god?

actually, if you for whatever reason are in a situation in which you need to staunch the flow of blood in someone's torso area, you should pack the wound with gauze or a t-shirt or other fabric, and then apply pressure. simply applying pressure isn't going to do anything in the long run.

ok ok ok ok this really short scene at the end of the chapter! it's short on purpose. we're back in the forest, bay-bee. "you're losing a lot of blood/you've lost a lot of blood" is from the first dream iv had with sleep. did i know when i wrote that first scene that it would culminate into this? no

yes, parts of this are directly lifted from the first dream. i like the parallelism of it tbh. "[...] like there's someone who's supposed to be sitting just outside his periphery who he can't see when he turns his head because they're not there." in the first dream, iv knows it's sleep who sits just outside his periphery. sleep is missing from this scene in chapter 11 on purpose.

this forest is also familiar to us because we've already read about it in iv's first dream with sleep.

i wasn't originally ever going to share the dreams that iii shared with iv because uh ultimately this is a story about the things iv knows and the things he doesn't know. he knows iii is already in love with him; what he doesn't know is why. but it felt kind of cinematic and right to pick the places that he flashed through in the first dream and transpose them so that ah actually they're places that iv and iii shared together in dreams. i like how it ties everything together; i like how it turns these things and places that were bad into things that are good.

again, tying what sleep said in the first dream back to the current moment. was the gift the powers or was the gift iii and ii and vessel? was the gift both of those things? iv deserves to be able to protect himself but he also deserves to be loved.

"i don't want to die" = "i'm not dead/i didn't die" and then the echoes repeat what sleep said to iv, tying everything back together

i really love this chapter, you guys.

chapter 12

starting out with mattie's pov for the first time in the fic! i wanted her to feel very shocked, but the kind of shock where you know what you have to do and you do it because that's all you CAN DO, you know?

i feel like iii irl with the red body paint probably alludes to something to do with blood so i just incorporated that in the fic here.

the spell lyns casted on iv was death ward! i used it here to kind of bolster the effect of mattie's healing spell, which i think was neat and another example of sort of layering spell work and also that magic in this universe is a communal effort!!

i wanted iv's injury here to have meaning and to leave an impact in the story, which is why it's not a one and done spell-heals-wound situation. gut wounds are serious and i think sometimes that sort of thing gets glossed over in fic so i hope this feels as realistic as possible in a fic where magic is centered lol

i feel like mattie in this fic is a little more stoic so having her have this big emotional moment and then immediately having her hide her face in sam's shoulder was a+. i think she's probably in shock right now but knows that she has a single job to do and that's to get iv stable.

it's really important to iii that iv not wake up in the room he was taken from.

there's something very comforting in having someone who knows you so well. i want the reader to feel like each character knows that they have a good support system lol

i need you to understand for real how hard it was to think of more dreams for iii to share with ii and vessel. it was so hard. for a long time in the draft it was just like DREAM 1, DREAM 2, DREAM 3 etc.

iii continues to blame himself. water is wet.

i have alluded this whole fic to the idea that iii is able to manipulate their soul bond in ways that vessel and ii can't and i finally delivered upon it. i guess since i already broke that seal of iv getting to see the dreams he didn't remember, i figured i could loop all of them into it and just really tug at your heartstrings that way. i always wanted it to show like a progression, like here's how they were in the beginning of the dreams and here's how they were toward the end of the dreams. no wonder iii fell in love with iv, right?

again, really wanted the sense of community to feel very prevalent with sam and the girls taking over the running of the household so that the boys can take care of iv.

hell yes, sleep! sleep definitely won that fight. i haven't decided in the canon of this universe if a god can kill another god or how that works, but sleep definitely came out on top here.

it's time for ii to have his breakdown. he's dealing with his worry by cleaning but i bet it's really hard for him to try and clean iv's room, especially considering it's the place where he couldn't grab onto iv fast enough.

as you know, magic is a communal effort in this universe! i wanted to punctuate that with mattie helping ii complete the hearth spell. so mattie helps him and chooses the herbs that she thinks they need in the moment (a direct contrast to how iv helped earlier in the fic and was mortified to have done so). i specifically highlighted orange blossom because it represents family. mattie totally has a soft, gooey center

and then again with paige, who just effortlessly slips into that role of "my family is hurting, here is a little something i can do to make their lives easier"

of course mattie is a little manipulative here. she's got strong older sister energy if you can't tell. she knew iii wasn't going to bother to try and eat if it was just about him, but telling him that you haven't seen vessel eat recently?? of course iii's gonna jump at the chance to share a sandwich with vessel

this whole kitchen scene was also an excuse for levity because this whole chapter is pretty emotionally rough all things considered.

fun fact this scene was originally written in vessel's pov! i changed it to ii because it flowed better, something something if i had a nickel for every time i changed a scene to ii's perspective, i'd have two nickels

chapter 13

weirdly hard chapter to write tbh i think i noted that in the author's note on the chapter, but it's like, the main plot line has wrapped up, iv's awake, and now it's time to wrap up the emotional plot line.

this first scene in the chapter was not the first scene that i wrote. the second part with mattie in the second scene was actually the first part of this chapter that i wrote. i had a pretty good grasp of how i wanted that to go early on in writing this chapter, but it was the first and last scenes that gave me the most trouble.

idk if you've ever healed from an abdominally-related surgery but i have and the important parts of that that informed my writing here is that the wound has to heal from the inside out otherwise just the top heals and it can cause problems down the road AND they hurt. they really mess up your core. so even though iv is being healed through magic i wanted to illustrate how a wound like that would affect him. he needs help getting up out of bed and walking sucks.

then we get a sweet moment between iii and iv, which we all deserve tbh

big ol' guilt monster that lives in iii's chest rears its ugly head once again.

ii to the rescue, obviously. that man can't stand to see his partners being mean to themselves

HE'LL BE HAPPY TO SEE YOU finally happened, it only took 13 chapters

if it feels like the chapter kind of tonally shifts here, that's because it does and that's because this chapter was a beast to write.

is it surprisingly emotionally mature of him, mattie? is it even emotionally mature of him????? is that just what you think being emotionally mature is?

i want mattie and iv specifically to have a sibling relationship, i think it would be good for both of them tbh

boof, we're still getting painted a picture of what kind of asshole marc was and what kind of hang-ups iv is bringing with him. i don't love the picture it paints tbh!!! honestly i know the broad strokes of the exact sort of asshole marc was because that was definitely something i had to think about so that information could inform how i wrote this story.

iv verbalizing that he feels safe with them is something that can be so personal actually

but mattie, who all are you in a polyamorous relationship with??? WHO ALL? i'm never going to tell you. you're gonna have to decide on your own, dear readers

"sponge bath with sam" was a phrase that would not leave my head. idk.

iv tugs up his shirt here, displays bare skin for the first time on purpose (bare arm out of the shower curtain doesn't count; sorry vessel) and with intent!! it's a big moment in a small sentence tbh.

oof, iv shares that he remembers the dreams: some emotional vulnerability from our boy iv, which iii reacts to by being completely overwhelmed. it's been just him for so long who remembers the dreams.

iv immediately asking if he did something wrong because he hasn't been awake to see how iii's been working himself up throughout this whole situation.

if you're getting soft dom vibes from ii, good, because they're there lol.

once again, i think iii is very adhd-coded in this fic, and i definitely think there's some rejection sensitive dysphoria in his character here too. i do think his anxiety would be largely present in his body language, which was what i was trying to get across here.

but i'm still reinforcing that sense of community with paige and lyns cleaning up iv's bedroom, and showing the little ways in which they take care of the boys.

"iv has always left" ooh boy, there's some unexplored trauma there i guess

if i ever write like a lil one-shot based off this fic, it might be the scene where ii helps iv shower l m a o. you know he was So Respectful and So Aware of iv's boundaries, you just know it.

chapter 14

there was such a gap between this chapter coming out and the last chapter coming out because i was feeling burnt out at work but also because i knew this was going to be like "the last chapter"

obviously there's the epilogue, but i also didn't want this story to end lol

i was also very nervous that the audience was going to be let down that there wasn't necessarily a "sexy" scene between all four of them, but i think i was able to genuinely explain in fic why there was never going to be a sex scene in this chapter. iv's not ready!

anyway, vessel knows iv is healed. iv knows he's healed. iv knows vessel knows he's healed. i think vessel would still be worried about iv despite the fact that everyone knows he's been healed through magic. like vessel said earlier in the fic, the body knows it's healed but the mind is slow to catch up.

cheese on toast. i think at the time that i was writing it, i was craving a good cheese toast lmao. but it also helps to develop these characters to give them little things that feel real -- cheese on toast, friendship bracelets, sam who likes to work on his projects at their house, etc. -- to make them feel fully fleshed out as people.

i think he probably makes enough cheese on toasts for all the people in the house but definitely is very excited when the girls say they already ate hahahaha

i also needed to get sam and the girls out of the house.

this scene, where they talk, was arguably the hardest scene to write in the fic. it went through very many iterations and i think i landed at a place where i'm happy with it.

the scene was originally broken into two different scenes and the part where they're in the living room was originally in ii's perspective, but i just smooshed them together and made it all from iv's perspective because it was a little confusing having ii have to guess where iv's anxiety was coming from.

and of course, iv's worried that he won't be able to jump into a sexual relationship with them right away and that it won't be fair to them -- wild perspective, but sort of understandable when you consider what relationship iv is coming out of, and i really needed there to be a scene where they're like, we don't want you for sex, we want you for you. we love you.

i did waffle on whether it was too much to have them all kiss iv one after the other, but i figured they've been waiting so long to be able to that it was probably the move lol.

did he kiss him in the back garden because it reminded him of the dreams they had in fields? yes

again, we're kind of flipping between two things that happened in the story -- vessel kissing iv and more of the conversation they all had that we didn't necessarily get to see explicitly in the fic. i also wanted to circle back to that repetition that's happened throughout the fic, little callbacks. so when vessel kisses the side of iv's head, it's a promise again.

what does sleep say to iii!!! i gotta know!! idk but i really liked the image of this big unknowable thing that drew them all together settling around them as they all finally get what they want.

ii and iv at the hearth is an obvious parallel to the first time iv joined him at the hearth, but we get to see how much iv's grown and how comfortable and safe he feels. love that for him!!

they nap so much in this fic, lmao. oh well

"oh, definitely," iii continues. "it's like... ii's element. all the trees turn their leaves to give him shade." is definitely iii's equivalent of vessel telling iv in the beginning of the fic that iii can see the future. kind of overstating what the power is because you know they all riff on each other about their powers when given half a chance.

i also wanted to emphasize here that ii is a druid lol. he uses hidden paths here, which is a feature of his dnd class lmao, circle of dreams.

a gift before you knew it was a gift!! a gift you deserved!! sobbing

part 2 | back to part 1

[joemuggs]

The Local is the Local

OK this is another unfinished article. Entirely my fault this time. I wrote it as a draft for a magazine, who asked me to rejig it (fairly in this case - it's a bit bitty), but life events stopped me doing the rewrite in time - and the longer it sat on my hard drive the more of a burden redoing it felt.... So I just need to dump it here, get it out there, and then develop the theme in a new way next year. Because it IS about something important to me (to all of us really), so hopefully having it out in the world will help me get my thoughts in order. Interesting sidetone: I had not heard of Cory Doctorow's concept of "enshittification" when I wrote it!

**********

To paraphrase Dickens, they were the shittest of times, they were the even shittierest of times. The litany of war, pestilence, impoverishment, looming destruction, failing institutions and all the rest really, really isn’t funny any more. Just shit. Even the lowest-information of punters notices the decline daily: not just when they need services like police or doctors or public transport, but in the very fabric of things. Even the relatively cosy market town where I live with my family – having moved out of South London to the New Forest in 2017 to give our two then-small kids space and fresh air – noticeably has crumbling building facades and a lot of shut-down shops, and the big towns are worse.

Our nearest cities are Southampton – which to be fair has never recovered from its PTSD from World War II anyway – and Bournemouth. Bournemouth, too, has always been a bit tatty – seedy too, the epitome of faded Victorian glamour – but nonetheless energetic, like the party town it is: a kind of Brighton minus the airs and graces. Lately, though, that energy is muted to say the very least. The city centre is eerie as anything with some of the biggest department and chain stores boarded up with nothing to replace them. It’s not quite a wasteland, but it’s not itself, either. It’s not right. It feels sad.

It’s easy to get angry about this stuff. It’s even easier to get down and defeated. A decade and a bit of neglect of… well…everything in the name of austerity has weakened everything, eroded the resilience needed to ride out the latest economic shocks. And the state of towns and cities doesn’t just symbolise this, they are the heart of the problem, the ebbing away of commerce and socialisation in them drives atomisation. Often it feels like too many people are beaten down, resigned, heading not towards riots but just towards a creeping anomie, distancing and acceptance of inevitable worsening of… well… everything.

There are oases of hope though – albeit slightly odd ones. Some of the best times I’ve had in Bournemouth lately have been at record fairs. Now, yes, I’m a middle aged man with decks and Kallax shelves in the garage, but honestly, this isn’t what you’re thinking. These aren’t just forums for people like me to jostle and hustle over dusty crates and bore on about rare pressings. They’re family affairs. They’re fun. The Eats’n’Beats fair takes over coffee roasters’ courtyards, with food, clothes and craft stalls. Re:Warm’s pop up shop is run by Balearic geezers, taking over a craft brewery taproom so people of all ages can eat, drink and socialise all day long around the music.

There’s two vital parts to this, the first being the food and drink. Food halls, stalls and fairs have maybe got a bad name lately, thanks to blanded out mall versions, price gouging at festivals and – worst – the gentrification spearhead affairs masterminded by hospitality industry wideboys to create bourgeois enclaves in big cities where almost all white attendees can sample safe packets of “ethnic” experience for £8 a recycled cardboard plateful. But step outside the metropoles and the picture is very different. People are thrilled by culinary variety, and very glad indeed to support local cooks and produce merchants. Food fairs are actual special occasions.

Back in late 2020, Covid still running amok, Owen Hatherley wrote a piece for the Guardian about high street regeneration focusing on how the people of Preston, Lancs took the initiative in what he called “craft beer social democracy, based on small trades doing interesting things.” My antennae sparked on reading it and I couldn’t get the phrase “craft beer social democracy” out of my head. If an arch Corbynist like Hatherley could find things to love in something so close to the Cameronian Big Society / Jamie Oliver Big Lunch model, odd things were afoot.

The second element in play is music, especially club music, and the culture that comes with it. The Balearic aspect in particular – laid back, anything-goes, not beholden to the doof-doof, but smart and interesting sounds – provides the perfect atmosphere to come-one-come-all daytime events. Even in a staid village, get a few people sitting around on haybales drinking craft cider and eating pizza, play “I’m Not in Love”, some Soul II Soul and some Róisín Murphy on nice speakers, and hey presto: vibes upon vibes. And just as importantly, the hypersocial, and now cross-generational, nature of club culture provides its own infrastructure to build on too – again, something easy to take for granted or write off as facile if you’re in a major hub city, but a lifeline if you’re out in the gammon-infested sticks. I already knew this thanks to my wife being a founder of the Big Fish Little Fish family rave organisation, and getting to see the joy it brings to relatively socially isolated parents, but seeing the same vibe connections seeping into genteel school fetes and pub gardens has been an eye-opener.

That linkage into subculture in turn links into a different sort of urban regeneration: the DIY venue. Last year, not that long after I’d made contact with the Bournemouth record fair crews, I got invited to write about the music scene in Tyneside and was bowled over by the sense of an area relatively overlooked by arts funding and the culture industry determined to build its own infrastructure. Venues like Cobalt, Star & Shadow, The Lubber Fiend and World Headquarters are created and maintained not just for their own scenes but with a sense of adding to the fabric of the city. Again, as with the Preston story, something that stood out was the "odd blend of hard-left politics and entrepreneurialism" that comes when communities pull together.

My weekend in the Northeast made me think again about other spaces I’ve attended, been in touch with or heard friends enthuse about. Sheffield’s Hope Works, a proper down and dirty techno dive that every year blossoms into the No Bounds arts festival across the city. Rye Wax in Peckham, the record-store-café-venue that’s been in suspended animation since Covid lockdown but is about to be reborn with an Arts Council funded youth mentorship programme in tow. Futtle brewery in Fife. Spit And Sawdust skate art cafe bar in Cardiff. Partisan, The Carlton Club and White Hotel in Manchester. The Golden Lion, Todmorden. The Cellar Arts Club in Worthing. Sneaky Pete’s in Edinburgh. Future Yard in Birkenhead. Club Uniquity in Somerleyton, Suffolk. Café Indie in Scunthorpe...

There are dozens more besides, crucially each with its own approach and character, a million miles from the sanitised O2 / Carling / Live Nation owned £7 plastic-glass-of-rat’s-piss monoculture that has taken hold of venues and festivals in this country. Some are built around dance music, but many around indie rock or noise/experimental music, or LGBTQ+ scenes, or all of the above. Often there’s radical politics behind them, but just as often you’ll find a hodge-podge: as in Hatherley’s “craft beer social democracy”, necessity makes for interesting alliances, and hard left and woolly libs, idealists and bootstrap entrepreneurs, rigorous ethical frameworks and widepersons of the blag economy, will rub along together.

But whatever their individual slant, they tend, crucially to have deep roots in some kind of subcultural history. At the time of writing I’m preparing to head up to Bristol to chair panel discussions at the Black Gold Vinyl Fair at Lost Horizon HQ. This gig/rave venue, cafe, gallery, marketplace and VR studio (!) is run by the team behind Shangri La – the successor to Lost Vagueness as Glastonbury Festival’s “naughty corner” – with an ethos eyeballs-deep in mischievous hippie/anarchist-leaning squatter history, but also the organisational nous that it takes to be part of the 21st century double-fenced Glastonbury megalopolis. That sense of subcultural history – folk culture, even – has been brought brightly to life just recently by the celebrations of what would have been the late, great Andrew Weatherall’s 60th birthday. They may have begun in superclub fabric, but they progressed through smaller venues in Belfast and Glasgow to close with a weekender in the strange, storied Golden Lion in Todmorden.

All of this – the food fairs, the vinyl and beer all dayers, the record shops with charcuterie, the little rave dives with coffee machines and yoga classes in the daytime, all of it – is sorely needed. The triple whammy of Brexit, Covid and the Cozzy Lizzy (as we must now call the economic collapse) have hit the music industry very, very hard, and gigs and festivals worst of all. Even international acts are finding it hard to tour and will do for the foreseeable future, which is going to be career ending for some – and for many of the tens of thousands of people who prop up the infrastructure. It’s hard to overstate the damage, but there are at least crumbs of comfort for young acts, local scenes and little venues held together with gaffer tape and deranged strength of will.

And our towns and cities need them, too. It’s been wild seeing the conspiratarians and antiwokers turn on the 15 Minute City as the latest target for spittle flecked ranting. But hopefully, maybe this can be a galvanising force for all the rest of us to remember that actually, yes, our neighbourhoods can be better. The craft beer and food court aspects may have got a bad rep as being bougie or gentrifying, but that is a misunderstanding and ultimately snobbery. Thankfully the subculture parts – whether it’s punk, rave, balearic, queer scenes or whatever – do still manage cut across class and other social boundaries. And ultimately, given the right welcoming atmosphere, having a drink or a cake and listening to tunes is pretty inclusive as activities go.

Oddly enough, there isn’t really any map to this territory, there’s no guidebook to where to find the truly independent happenings. Perhaps that’s because those big brand sponsored faux-popups, box parks and gentrifier vanguard food courts with their PR budgets suck up all the air of publicity, perhaps it’s because the indie spaces are too cranky, too individual, too busy just staying afloat to link up into a movement. They need each of us to seek them out.

We don’t really have a flagship community space in this bit of the south coast just yet – at least I don’t think we do: I’d love to be surprised and proved wrong. My exploration of our nearby cities has been cursory until recently, having had social life limited first by young children, then by two years of Covid disruption. Only now, with my kids hurtling into their teens, am I really finding my feet socially and musically. But between a few ramshackle bars and shiny breweries and those fun afternoons rifling through tunes and eating fancy cookies, I am finding a few glimmers of hope. And in these shittest of times hope is, of course, the most precious commodity of all.

[pleasetakethis]

all of ‘em for the rnm ask meme 🤭❤️

Yessss!!! Link to the original in case anyone else wants to reblog/play.

Who is your favourite Rick and Morty Character? This is like asking my favorite It's Always Sunny character... because I love them all for their terribleness. Probably Rick, though Rick wouldn't be nearly as compelling without Morty. Favorite side character would be Squanchyyyyy or Mr. Nimbus.

Which Beth is the clone: Domestic Beth or Space Beth? As a mom, I want to say Domestic Beth is the real one because a parent wouldn't leave their kids... except this is Beth Smith we're talking about, so I think Domestic Beth is the clone. I think our "scared little overachiever" pursued freedom when she knew her family had a fallback.

Do you think that Rick-C137 and Rick Prime were previously romantically involved? "Infinite shit happens." Yes, absolutely.

What do you think would be a good name for Birdperson and Tammy's daughter? Phoenixperson II aka PP aka Peepa (terrible The Office reference).

How many seasons do you think Rick and Morty will eventually have? No clue but I'm here for alllll of them.

Rick C-137: smash or pass? Smash.

Who is your favourite Rick and Morty villain? Evil Morty. I love that manipulative little asshole who found a way out.

Your favourite Rick and Morty episode? How do you pick just one ;_; For Rick's character development, I'd say Rickternal Friendshine of the Spotless Mort. Seeing Rick deal with his feelings for others always hits me hard because he spends so much time denying those feelings. For fun, I'd go with Mort Dinner Rick Andre because I love Mr. Nimbus and I also love seeing Jessica become more than just Morty's obsession.

Your least favourite Rick and Morty episode? One Crew over the Crewcoo's Morty (the popular choice seems to be Claw and Hoarder: Special Ricktim's Morty but I love the slut dragons--currently fostering four cats for a friend while said friend is moving, the youngest is female and going through her first heat, and I will randomly mimic the wizard when she's yowling: "You slut! Shame on you! Shame, you slut! You slutty, slutty slut!" I am giving her lots of lovings and she has a heating pad, though, so she's okay).

Who is your least favourite Rick and Morty character? Beth and Jerry without character development (pre-separation).

What is, in your opinion, the worst thing that Rick C-137 has ever done? Real answer: use his grandson the way he does (codependent, grooming, the list goes on and on). Fan answer: torn between taking Morty's memories and the "save a point in time device" from Vat of Acid.

Do you think that Rick and Morty will be affected substantially by having to change the voice actor for Rick and Morty and a bunch of other characters? Affected, yes. Substantially... I don't know but I'll give anything a shot, especially since Adult Swim did the right thing dropping JR. The cool thing about the show is that there are infinite (heh) ways they can address this, if they choose to address it at all, so I'm excited to see what happens next.

What's a good Rick and Morty blog? All the Rick and Morty peeps I follow are awesome! I hesitate to recommend anyone I don't interact with because DNIs pop up all the time based on stuff I saved in my drafts and later go to queue and have to delete because they have some hateful anti/TERF rhetoric going on, so check out my reblogs and likes to find my favorites. :D

Who is the Rick and Morty character that you relate to the most? This ties back in with IASIP. I don't really relate to any of them, I just enjoy them and their fucked up relationships and situations.

The funniest Rick and Morty bit/scene, in your opinion? This is the one that hooked me on the show, the moment I knew I was a goner for these assholes: Butter robot: What is my purpose? Rick: Pass the butter. (Butter robot passes butter) Rick: Thank you. […] Butter robot: What is my purpose? Rick: You pass butter. Butter robot: [looks at its hands] Oh my god. Rick: Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.

Best Rick and Morty season? My favorite so far has been season 6 (they did such a good job with character development, including Rick backsliding into his obsession with Prime--just chef's kiss).

Worst Rick and Morty season? I've enjoyed all of them so far for different reasons. Much like some of my other favorites (The Office, IASIP), I would say push through season 1 if you're unsure and wait until you get through season 2 before you make a decision about the show.

Would you stop watching the show if Justin Roiland returned? I don't know. Depends on whether a public statement was involved and how much responsibility he took for his actions (versus playing it off). I can't listen to Marilyn Manson anymore (because Brian Warner is an abusive POS) and that band was formative during my middle + high school years (almost as important to me as NIN and I would mourn that loss if Trent Reznor turned out to be trash). Roiland coming back might ruin the show for me.

Your favourite Rick and Morty quote? Hard to pick but right now it would be: "Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV." This gets me right in the feels because it's true. Life is short, probably meaningless, so might as well enjoy while we're here and have a chance... because this all ends.

If you had to be one member of the Smith family in the next season, who would you want to be? Ooo, I'd want to be Space Beth.

[beta-adjacent]

“Woof” by Chai (me!)

This is the first post of its kind on my blog— my analysis of a song written/produced by me! This initial post will just have the song lyrics, my interpretation of them, my inspirations for the piece, and some “behind the scenes” of my writing process. If I can get my shit together, I’ll hopefully reblog this with an audio file with the actual song, so you can understand the song’s tone more!

Without further ado, I present….

I. The Lyrics

The reflection of the headlights passing by on the backseat window / I am happy pretending it’s the moon (awoo) Don’t ask about the silver on my neck/ you were never meant to know/ That I domesticate myself for you I want to say I’m sorry/ Or get angry/ I can’t even muster up a smile/ I am stoic but my tail will wag all the while Because it means you see me/ Do you see it? Do you finally see me?/ And I’m sorry/yeah I’m sorry I see you clearly Mind to mouth/for mouth to mind/ For all the words / I’ll never find:/ The fool in me/ will bark again/ And pray you’ll hear a labyrinth Mind to mouth/for mouth to mind/ For all the words / I fail to find:/ The fool in me/ will bark again/ And pray you’ll hear/I pray, I fear The reflection of the headlights passing by on the backseat window / and I’m happy pretending it’s the moon

II. Theme(s)

The major theme I try to tackle in this song is the juggle between desiring to express your wants while struggling with internalized shame for wanting. And I found that easiest to explain with this analogy of a werewolf, with the human side trying to forcefully domesticate this inner beast inside them.

III. Line-by-Line Analysis

The reflection of the headlights passing by on the backseat window / I am happy pretending it’s the moon (awoo)

This picture above kind of illustrates the imagery I was hoping to go for with this line! It's what inspired the whole song tbh; I was literally sitting in the back of the car late one night, and I kept seeing headlights reflecting off the window. It made me think of dogs who sit in the back of cars, which made me think of a domesticated wolf seeing headlights as the moon instead of the moon itself.

I think that the theme of being trapped/trained by the human side is shown well through this imagery, because the very key to the wolf's transformation —the full moon— is synthetic.

The little "(awoo)" part is just a silly thing I did in the recording, but I thought it was funny to keep in the lyrics because. because howling at the "moon".

Don’t ask about my silver on my neck/you were never meant to know/that I domesticate myself for you

I struggled a lot intially with this lyric, with some earlier drafts using "the dogbed in my room" and "my grandma-eating teeth" (referring to the little red riding hood tale). But I settled for the silver because it reminds me of dogs that actually wear a silver chain as a collar. It also made me think of a shock collar, since silver is like, a classic werewolf repellent, and that lended itself well to the theme of "training the wolf".

For a while, the lines were "don't ask about the silver on my neck, you were never meant to know /that I am always at your beck and call", which was really just an attempt to rhyme 'neck'. But I changed it because “beck and call” implied a servitude more than a protection, which isn't really on-theme.

I want to say I’m sorry/ Or get angry/ I can’t even muster up a smile/ I am stoic but my tail will wag all the while

I am hoping that everyone who's been on Tumblr understands the trope of a dog character wagging their tail because they're happy on the inside but trying not to show it. Fun fact: I spent so long recording this part specifically because I kept saying "my tag will wail".

Because it means you see me/ Do you see it? Do you finally see me?

And here's where we learn that the very neglected, overly supervised wolf-dog-thing is actually being noticed, probably during some argument that would normally warrant the human side to be apologetic/angry/sardonic/happy/etc. The stoic-ness (meant to imply a tiredness/jadedness) from the human side now makes sense; the thing being domesticated is going against its training by being seen. The toggling between someone seeing "it" versus "me" is also pretty painful to wrestle with, because it's an acknowledgement that, despite hiding away the wolf, it's still a part of the person or even a “glitch” in which narrator is talking (though I don’t think I ever bring up that concept of multiple narrators anywhere else)

There's also a large question as to whether the repetition of asking is done out of joy, desperation, or even a disbelief (like a “really?? Uh huh, yea sure *eye roll*”).

And I’m sorry/yeah I’m sorry that I see you clearly

It's heard way more in the recording, but there's a lot of sass in the last line. There is a suggestion that human has the ability to see the vulnerabilities in others, while struggling to show that vulnerability themself. And that having that ability brings some sorrow or regret, which gets expressed through that sardonic tone.

Mind to mouth/for mouth to mind

HANDS DOWN MY FAVORITE LYRIC IN THIS SONG AND MAYBE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF MY SONG WRITING!!!

So yes, obviously, there’s the implication of a disconnect between what you want to say versus what you think/feel, “there’s a disjoint between mind and mouth”, you’ve been reading so much of this post that this is just a restatement of the theme.

So instead, look at tHE SYNTAX!!!!!! LOOK AT HOW MANY WAYS YOU CAN INTERPRET THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Mind (noun) to mouth (noun)” for mouth (noun/verb) to mind (verb): first describing the transcription of words as an effortless/involuntary process, that then needs constant oversight/hindsight to not fuck up

Mind (noun) to mouth (verb) “for mouth (noun) to mind (verb)”: the mind itself is hyper-aware that there needs to be constant oversight on what is being said, could even be read as dismissive of the mind like “whatevs, not my problem~”

Mind (verb) to mouth (noun) “for mouth (noun) to mind (verb)”: reminding the mouth of its purpose to be overly analytical of what’s coming out of it, like a sardonic courtesy

Now, those are just Chai’s top 3 favorite interpretations. But I think that, because it’s 4 words (2 minds, and 2 mouths) that can be interpreted in 2 ways each (verb or noun), there’s 8 possible combinations for this lyric, or maybe even 16 depending on your calculation (4 multiplying versus squaring by 2)!!!!

And granted, this is a stretch, but since it’s a sentence About misconstruing thoughts/words, any other words listeners could hear (ex: ‘mind’ becoming ‘mime’) make a Legitimate alternate interpretation. In fact, the lyric would still make sense if the listener heard absolute gibberish, because the lyric is about Speaking Absolute Fucking Gibberish And Our Brains Will Fix or Rationalize It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And my favorite part is that it ALL depends on the prepositions. “Mind TO mouth TO mouth TO mind” is an Entirely different meaning than “Mind TO mouth FOR mouth TO mind”!!! And hopefully misinterpretations even fuck up the prepositions like “Mind TO mouth OR mouth TO mind”, (which btw is another awesome interpretation; it questions if the mind or body is truly the one in power).

Point is that this lyric is RIPE with potential, and that potential is endless. It is so easy to fuck up this (or any) lyric by hearing/singing/reading the wrong thing, but it still can be analyzed and have a thoughtful meaning regardless. And that process is Exactly what the lyric itself is describing!!! And that daunting feeling, that your words could be taken in any possible way, is such a major loss of control and matches the theme of the rest of the song seamlessly!!!!!!!

Isn’t that just the coolest fucking thing ever????? It’s definitely not The first lyric ever to do this, but it might be My first lyric to ever do this, and it might be nonsensical but goddamn it, I’m Proud to say I can extrapolate all of that from 6 fucking words!!!

The fool in me will bark again/and pray you’ll hear a labyrinth

Second favorite lyric, and it’s much simpler to wrap your head around too methinks!! This entire bridge is mind-melting tbh and I love it

Revealing this hatred of the inner beast (by calling it a fool), and how its attempts to articulate can’t (or rather, shouldn’t) be recognized as something worth listening to, or even something human.

And do you guys ever listen to an animal speak, or even a baby cry, and you’re just…. confused? Like, “I can’t tell what it wants and am glad it’s not my responsibility to figure that out”? That’s what the “labyrinth” is supposed to mean. The speaker hopes nothing of true value is heard in the barking. Instead, they pray that a warning label is produced, a placard with the face of a minotaur and the words “string store 300 miles left!”. Through careful training, the barking should threaten people to get lost inside of something larger than life (aka the meta-analysis of speaking/behaving, as described in the “mind to mouth” segment), so that they never actually venture in. Which hopefully also makes listeners question…

"why pray for it if the speaker can control it?", to which the simple answer is "it can't because fool is inside of the speaker, not the speaker itself; it’s a separate, uncontrollable entity, like how the mind and mouth are separate” or even cooler “it can’t because the general process of ‘mind to mouth’ takes the speaker and the listener, and since the listener is out of the speaker’s control, the whole process is out of control”, or even “the fool and the man are the same entity, but have been so alienated from each other by their own actions that reconnection of the self feels impossible!!!”

Either way, it’s a hopeless lyric, a pitiful cry for help over something already expressed to be uncontrollable. It’s a short way to explain how interaction is a two-way street, and almost always leads to a conversational car crash, which is so routine now it’s become desired

And in a way, this is the wolf. This overwhelming complexity —a black hole of thought and emotion that is near-impossible to describe due to its sheer vastness, which controls every layer of thought and perception, something that can’t even truly be understood or acknowledged by others because of how you interact with it— is the wolf.

Hopefully now all of the desperate measures from before make sense. The contradicting feelings when someone glimpses into the wolf’s personage. The internal strategies to keep the wolf contained. The futile scrambling for a simple reality. If you were plagued with a wolf, and how much letting to roam free could hinder you and others, wouldn’t you want to train it too?

Mind to mouth/for mouth to mind/ For all the words / I fail to find:/ The fool in me/ will bark again/ And pray you’ll hear/I pray, I fear

Can you believe I loved my lyrics so much that I just had to repeat them? It’s a popular motif in music so I’m not bothered, and it’s important to me at least to emphasize that 1) This Is Where The Analysis “Meat” Is At and 2) You Don’t Need an Analytical Brain to Enjoy This.

Which, speaking of, is a good time to bring up rhythm!! Because I don’t remember the poetry lingo, but this is the Most on-beat part of the song and it’s very stable (which is ironic). Let me rewrite it so you can see where phonetic emphasis is intended:

Mind to mouth/for mouth to mind/ For all the words / I fail to find:/ The fool in me/ will bark again/ And pray you’ll hear/I pray, I fear

Also here people get to sit on the amount of alliterations (mind, mouth, mind/ fail, find, fool) and repetitions (mind to mouth, and the pray/hear/pray/fear), and are able to enjoy a new rhyme scheme (the again/labyrinth versus the shortened hear/fear)

Speaking of, that shortened rhyme is a lead up to the final lyric:

The reflection of the headlights passing by on the backseat window / and I’m happy pretending it’s the moon

Which I fear is a segue easier seen on paper than heard because we’re mirroring the rhythm/notes of the first line, so the jump is a bit harsh. It’s meant to read like “I fear the following: 1) the reflection of the headlights passing by on the backseat window and 2) I’m happy pretending that’s the moon”

But analytically, the last thing we’re left with is a fear of being content with all of the training and trapping of the beast. This feeling of unrest, of wanting life to be simple but refusing to commit to simplicity or complexity, makes it a constant back and forth between man and beast. Really, this is meant to be when we can step back, and let the meta-analysis of the inner battle wash over us as the final chord is played, leaving us in a similar state of being stuck in our own heads, idly watching life pass us by…..

And yea, that’s the whole song! :> Congrats for reading/scrolling this far!!!

IV. Inspiration

My music has been heavily influenced by Midwest emo bands, especially ones like The Front Bottoms and McCafferty (Mom Jean and Pet Symmetry get honorable mentions). And I emphasize The Front Bottoms and McCaffetty because of the “mind to mouth” verse. The rhythm and the lyrics of this segment sound exactly like something these bands would write!!!

If you recognize these bands, I encourage you to read this verse again (pasted below), imagining the lead singer belting it:

Mind to mouth/for mouth to mind/ For all the words / I’ll never find:/ The fool in me/ will bark again/ And pray you’ll hear a labyrinth

If I find a decent Nick Hartop AI, it’s over for y’all!!

IV. Outtakes/“the Process”

Making this post: I had the terrible, terrible idea at one point to work on this post in the presence of humans, and at one point they saw my search history. Seeing “shock collar dog”, “silver chain dog”, and “bad guys tail wag gif” all in a row made them….Really concerned for me.

I wanted to share the song itself in this but I wussed out. Mostly because I’m terrified the FBI (or worse, my friends) will stumble across that file by accident (it’s the wolf, I suppose LMAO). I did convert it into an AI cover using Sonic the Hedgehog (which gave it a lovely Blink 182 quality) and even tried out Garage Band and using the piano feature! But I’m also a lil afraid bc it is Midwest emo inspired, and I don’t know much more than power chords (ooh, “not much more than power chords” is a good lyric, no one steal that unless you show me your demo first). So the backing is…kind of missing A Lot (like a consistent beat). If people want to hear it, I’d probably drop the half-baked piano version I made, which doesn’t do the song justice but would at least help people get the music’s vibe

V. Conclusion

Hopefully, I have been able to convince you that my song, “Woof” may be simple at first glance, but a lot of thought was put into its creation!! Making songs like these is one of my all-time favorite ways to understand my perception of the world. It’s really a process I treasure.

As perhaps expected now, the Meta-analysis Wolf in my mind is worried that everything I wrote is disjointed or that it’s not telling the cohesive story I want it to. So, if you have questions about anything mentioned in this post, or wanted to share critique, feel free to do so! My only request is that you be kind; I am a nothing more (and nothing less) than a student of thinking and creating

And I feel like I need an upbeat takeaway for this post sooooooooo…….. if you find something in you, urging you to be creative, listen to yourself!! Follow that instinct to be a fellow student in thought & creation!!!!!!!!!!

[jaelijn]

I had this rant in my drafts for a few days thinking about not ever posting it, but I just saw *yet another* post of this kind, so f* this.

I hate how much fandom and tumblr has informed me that it's cool to hate on the Avatar-the-blue-people film series because the first film is "ssoooo cringe and hahaha there is noooo fanfic haha because it's soooo bad even though it is one of the highest crossing films hahah" and "AtLAB is soooo much better". Like: WHY is it necessary to shit on people's enjoyment when it does nothing to hurt you? It's not the funny "gotcha" you think it is. It's just mean-spirited. Like sure hate on companies and big name creators, but have you thought about what this does to people *just like you* who just happen to enjoy a thing?

It's grown to a point that I don't even want to mention I enjoyed it even a little bit, never mind admitting how much I loved it back when the first one came out. And yes, it has issues - which big film doesn't? But it was such an eye-opener in terms of scifi - not only in terms of how FUCKING GOOD scifi could look on screen without being all "spaceship tech and battles hehehe ooohehehe" but also in terms of what a full alien ecosystem could be. I still have the movie poster hung up. I own the artbook. And the soundtrack. There are literally no other films I can say that about.

It was massively influential for my taste in scifi as well as my way of writing alien landscapes and I felt seen for the way in which my love for nature transcends any care I have for humanity as a species.

Anyway I have been to see part II and love it no less and if not for this stupid nonsense you'd think tumblr'd be all over it - like they have made such strides from the issues of the first one.

It's a story of a family that isn't defined by blood. Of belonging even when you're different. Of loving and protecting nature. There's a heavily neurodivergently coded character who explicitly has epilepsy (and a FEMALE one at that). There's no shortage of strong women without the need to make them... act especially male. There's significantly less white-savourism than in the first one. There's a culture that has a heavily sign-language based conversation style that is completely normalised. It looks *amazing*. The soundtrack is fantastic. It's become an ensemble cast. It's opened up the world even more.

Is it trope-y as all hell, very unsubtle in its message and is its plot flat (and/or repetitive from the first one)? Sure. But the same is true for literally every action/super hero movie, and everyone seems to love those. (And at least in terms of repetitiveness some is definitely intentional - as in relevant to the story! - parallels).

Is it fairly amato- and heteronormative? Yeah. But again, that's pretty much every media.

Is there a significant amount of violence and death - also yes. But to me it's the brutality of a war film - it's supposed to be brutal, it's supposed to be unpleasant and raw in places, whereas a lot of violence in movies otherwise feels to me like I'm supposed to enjoy it.

There are probably other ~~problematic~~ things, and if not in the film then with the people or businesses involved, sure. And I'm not dismissing them. I'm not saying it's perfect. But unlike other media I could mention, as far as I'm aware, it's not an active instrument in a hate campaign, and yet all I see is criticism and I have no one to talk to about it IRL and, following this tumblr attitude, no one I really want to admit to that I like it on here, either.

Anyway. I'm ranting. But if a movie has the power to make me cry from beauty as well as pain, make me lose myself in awe and shake with incandescent rage, have a sheer RANGE of emotional responses, I can't honestly pretend I didn't enjoy it. Just let people enjoy it.

[em-dashes]

12.20.2022

Total Wordcount: 17221

So here’s the thing. I’ve reached a part of the wip that was Completely non-existent in the first draft. That meant I spent a lot of time staring at the screen and thinking and typing stuff and deleting stuff and then staring at the screen and thinking. What I’ve been writing since the last update is basically first-draft material. It’s not good, BUT it’s getting me somewhere 👀

I’ve “finished” PART II of Suddence (in quotations because it needs massive edits). The wip originally didn’t have parts, so it’s been interesting trying to figure out where each part starts and ends. I honestly do think this parts / episodic format is helping me a lot in figuring out how to pace the alternating plots.

The basic summary of Part I is “Dany recruits the help of Zahira to drive them to Suddence” with the flashbacks being “Dany and Marisa risk a big money-making attempt and nearly get caught.”

The basic summary of Part II is “Dany and Zahira are finally on the road” and “Dany Goes Berserk 1.0″ but uh oh! Shit happens.

Despite the short chapters, there’s A Lot i need to set up in order for stuff to really hit hard later in the book. Particularly for the flashbacks, I need to make it clear that Dany is growing impatient and unhappy with life on the run, and for the present, I need to make it clear that despite that, some part of Dany doesn’t want to give up that life. It’s contradictory, but it’s intentional. Dany is just a conflicted little bean.

One other struggle I’ve mildly mentioned before is that the diary entry style of writing has a way of making action scenes feel Not exciting at all. That’s something I’ll have to work on. Also, I’ve reached a point in the wip where Dany loses their diary and is now “writing” the diary in their head, so that...will be fun to play with.

What’s next! I need to give Part II a second pass because like I said, it’s basically in its first draft form right now. Then it’s onto Part III!

And now...an excerpt.

While the auto shop people go out to get the car, Zahira and I sit in their tiny, tiny customer area, a small room with a peeling leathery sofa wedged by the door and a buzzing TV in the corner. They give Zahira some coffee and me some hot water even though I also asked for coffee.

“Psst,” says Zahira. “If you finish your water, I can give you some of my coffee.”

“I can’t finish all this and some coffee,” I say sourly.

“Pour some into that plant then,” she says, jutting her chin at a sad-looking plant in the corner.

It feels strangely like breaking a law, but when I’m sure none of the auto people are here, I pour half of my water in the dirt.

One thing I haven’t considered until I wrote this part is that I should probably put some more thought into creating a contrast between Marisa and Zahira and how that affects Dany. Typing it here so I don’t forget: Marisa is careful and quiet and all about the rules, Zahira is spunky and loud and “fuck the rules if it gets in your way.”

Well, that’s the end of a very messy update. Fun fact: I’m currently awaiting Lego parts to make a Lego Dany and Zahira. Will post pics when they arrive 👀

C’est tout! Bonne nuit!

-Emily

[correctfullmetalalchemist]

Hey genuinely, I kno it wasnt about the Iraq war, but when FMA was first on air was 2003, and FMAB around what, 2010? Being a teen in America, it totally felt like it was anti-war propaganda about the way the US was in the middle east. I dont think its that unreasonable for a teen, with no historical context about Japan, would see brown-skinned people being treated shitty by a pseudo-European nation and go "huh that reminds me a lot of whats going on in Iraq and Afghanistan"

It wasnt until I was out of college, nearly a decade after my first watch of the show that I even found out there was Japanese context for Ishval. Idk I just think its weird to say "what an idiot that person is" when they may just be missing some historical info.

You dont have to post this, its "discourse" or whatev, I just wanted to share my POV

This has been sitting in my drafts for like a week? week and a half? I meant to respond to it right away, ended up getting into a several hours long conversation with friends in regards to it. Was exhausted by the conversation afterwards and wasn't able to formulate a coherent final response.

I will start off with saying with saying thank you for your earnest response I hope to give you one of the same.

I hear what your saying and I respect it.

One of the incredible things about media is that we can read context and meaning into everything. There isn't a right or wrong way to interpret works. How we see and perceive things is going to be influenced by the current events and the lived history of those consuming that media. This makes consuming all content a truly unique experience for everyone. The people making the media also are able to add influences of their own thoughts and experiences into the work they make.

Maybe people in the early 2000s when watching FMA were able to see the current stresses of the Iraq war being reflected back into the media. It is also possible that when Arakawa was making FMA, or people in the production studios, that maybe they were influenced in certain regards to the Iraq war that was currently unfolding and as a result was influencing Japan as well. Understanding and interpreting media like this is wonderful and allows us deeper connections with art.

That being said, while I understand this perspective and agree with it, that hadn't really been connected to the point I was initially trying to make. That point had originally been "I think it's silly for someone to say this piece of media is definitely about the Iraq war when there are so many obvious overtones to it being a parallel to Nazi Germany." Which I hadn't made clear in the post but was my thought process none the less. A character is trying to be named Fuhrer after their country caused a horrendous war and genocide. Conqueror of Shamballa literally takes place in Germany in the lead up to World War II. That had been the start and end of that thought, just a meaningless argument on the surface level interpretation of an anime.

But that argument I think has lead into a bigger conversation that I think is worth having. I don't want to dismiss peoples ability to relate media with what's relevant to them, but I would also make an argument against people who make definitive claims of how a work should be read and the meaning behind it.

"I think Fullmetal Alchemist can be read as an allegory to the American experience in the Iraq war."

Is a different statement to,

"Fullmetal Alchemist is about the Iraq war."

Maybe its semantics, maybe its not.

I will preface this conversation with the fact I am a young Canadian who was never directly impacted by the Iraq war, the propaganda machine propagating it, nor have any memories of it in general. I simply wasn't a teen in the early 2000s and wasn't experiencing media in that context. I don't fault anyone for being influenced to view media under those circumstances. But I do want to make an argument that if you were one of those teens taking in media in that time and formulating world views and meaning in literature and came out with the perspective that Fullmetal Alchemist is about the Iraq war, maybe its time to expand your thought processes. I'm not trying to say that to be an asshole or argumentative, just a suggestion to challenge the way you interpret works. You can take the broad anti-war messaging and apply it to any war anyone has fought, it doesn't have to be specific.

It's not about knowing about Japan's colonization and its actions against the Ainu people. Many people don't know about that. But like I think we all sometimes get bullheaded into thinking very self focused and forget that sometimes things can be generalized. it doesn't have to be about Iraq, about WWII, about the Ainu. In all likelyhood all of these things contributed some way in the messaging of FMA which has lead to it being the incredible story it is. But that doesn't mean that it is about any of those things in particular. Sometimes it can just be about broad strokes themes that war is bad, you have to take actions to fix your mistakes.

So like to be clear, you are right there is a variety of reasons why people would interpret FMA in that way. I don't begrudge them for that, but I do what to challenge them to maybe think about media a different way, and to grow their understandings of the work. The Iraq war happened in the early 2000s, its the 2020s now, lets see what different ways we can grow, learn, and develop our understandings from content. We all view media differently and that it important but we should also be realistic in this regard and understand that just because we interpret a work in a certain regard doesn't make it correct either.

I want to be clear how I read and derived meaning from FMA isn't better than how anyone else does. At the end of the day, how you read/watch FMA is entirely your choice and that doesn't affect me, just same how I do it is not relevant to you.

I just wanted to kinda of explain my thoughts a bit regarding that post I made. I don't necessarily disagree with it, I think my original point remains to an extent. But this was a really good opportunity to expand the thought into something more worth discussing.

So thank you for your response and thoughts which forced me to think of media in a different perspective. Thank you for your patience as I formulate a worthwhile response. And, sorry for the wall of text.

TLDR: My original point was that I thought it was silly to make a broad stroke argument about how FMA was about the Iraq War when surface reading analysis shows a heavy emphasis on an alternate universe Germany-centric retelling of the World Wars. Upon deeper thought I think there is a lot of ways we can interpret and draw meaning from the media we consume. How we interpret media is a heavily personal decision and ultimately only relevant to ourselves, but I also think we should continue to push ourselves into evolving our perspectives to be more diverse and reflective of other points of view.