#ignore how much longer antons is

[lunicho]

how riize tells you they want to fuck you 🫨?!

(send riize asks to @angeltsan)

shotaro: i feel like he's rlly giggly and clingy when he's needy, like he'd pull u close and keep kissing u until u ask what he's up to and he'd giggle before telling u how bad he wants u <;3

eunseok: he's pretty straight forward with it but he'll cater his words towards u a bit more. instead of saying he's horny he'll tell u "wanna make u feel good, wanna see u take my cock" things like that.

sungchan: he's really straight forward, no shame about it at awl (not that he should be). he'll just straight up tell u he's horny and he'll start touching u, like grabbing ur ass and kiss u,,

wonbin: he'll be kinda clingy with u but he's not one to use his words much,, he'd just press against u while hugging u from behind or smth so u can feel his erection pressing against u

seunghan: he's soo touchy in general but when he's needy he'll slightly put his hands under ur shirt or in the waistband of ur pants,, he'll be pretty obvious with it

sohee: definitely doesn't use his words, he's the type to wordlessly hump u and rut against u, letting out small cute whimpers <3

anton: nobody's surprised, he also doesn't say it straight up. he kinda follows u around and stares at u when u walk away from him. he'd just fiddle with the bottom of ur shirt or keep adjusting his pants and he'll kinda just be like a lost puppy. and when u ask him what's wrong he'll be Silent he won't even wanna tell u when u give him the opportunity 😭

[01zfan]

paint you | l. at

swimmer!anton x art student!reader | 7.6k words

this fic has a little bit of everything good lord…set in uni, childhood friends to strangers to lovers, pining…very much a slice of life i think…i hope everything isn’t too scattered or hectic

contains: semi public sex, no protection (DON’T BE LIKE THEM)

you didn’t say a word as you watched the movers take all your belongings into your new home. you were like that now, completely silent as your form of rebellion. you had moved far away from everything you knew to come here. your mom was happy, talking about new beginnings and more adventures. you only thought about your going away card and bouquet of flowers you smothered to death on your way here.

you crouched in the driveway, drawing in the dirt with your stick as your mother called to you. you were no longer the sweet child that would come anytime their name was called. you only focused on the dirt and long lines you drew, imagining it was your path back home. you didn’t look up until a shadow was casted over you, and you saw someone foot over the line you drew in the dirt.

you looked up slowly, squinting as you took in the sun above the person looking down at you.

“my mom said i have to come say hi to you.” the boy said quietly.

you looked over to your mom, chatting with a lady while the movers continued to do all the work. you ignored the boy, looking back down at the path back home you etched into the earth.

“you don’t talk?” the boy asked.

you ignored him. you only continued to draw your lines, making your way to his foot. he took a small step backwards, letting you complete your line.

“i don’t like to talk either.” he said.

he crouched beside you silently and grabbed a stick. it was smaller than yours but still did the same. he started drawing shapes in the sand next to your lines and winding circles. you looked to him again, to see that he was focused on playing in the dirt the same way you were. you scooted over in the grass, leaving a space open for the boy to come next to you. he caught on immediately, moving from in front of you to be by your side. you two played in the dirt, pushing around the earth to mold it into shapes and lines. your mother’s got along, not noticing their kids getting their clothes dirty until it was too late. 

“anton!” 

both you and the boy snapped your heads to the voice of anton’s mother. seeing anton respond immediately to his name being called made you do the same. both of you got up from the dirt to walk to your mother’s and both of you were scolded the same, hearing a speech about how expensive clothes were. both of your mother’s were smiling the whole time, seeing their two antisocial and quiet kids get along. 

from then on, it was history. you stuck close to anton, trailing behind him in school, quiet and stealthy like a ghost to everyone but him. anton was understanding, becoming your representative anytime someone threw a glance over his shoulder to eye you, like they were confused if you were real or not. each time he would smile and pull you beside him, introducing you as his bestfriend. 

you and anton remained close. he was with you when you started speaking for yourself, no longer needing him to be your voice. you were with eachother all throughout school, spending more time with him than you did your family. 

the amount of time you spent together through swim and school made him know you better than anyone else. you were by eachothers side through the transition from kids to teens and the growing pains of puberty. you even made it through the trials and tribulations of being friends in highschool, surviving through the countless dating rumors that seemed to arise every week. none of it mattered, anton was there for you and you were there for him. you guys challenged eachothers personal records in swimming and were neck and neck in class. sometimes you were convinced he was the mirror image of you, your platonic soulmate. that’s what comes with the territory of being with someone for nearly twelve hours a day—you end up knowing them better than anyone else.

so it was unfortunate, after all the time you spent together as kids it was college that did you two in. you blamed it on the fact that you and anton both chose different paths in college. he stayed with swimming while you went to the arts. it called to you, the ability to make something with your hands. you never regretted your decision, but you did find yourself thinking about anton often. sometimes your mom would call and ask about him, and you would be forced to pretend like you had actually spoken to him and not just regurgitating rumors you heard on campus. the only truth you told your mom in relation to anton was that you passed by him on the way to class. that’s all you seemed to do, only seeing him in snatches as he walked around campus. 

each time you saw anton, something about him was different. he had somehow grown more, and his dedication to swim contoured his muscles and made him broad. he was visibly bigger than all of his friends, your eyes drawn to him each time he came in your vicinity. each time he waved back to you, the two of you reduced to sharing pleasantries while walking in opposite directions. sometimes it felt like it would’ve hurt less to be completely ignored, but you knew that wasn’t anton’s style. within his friend group he was the social butterfly, once he was able to get past his introverted nature he became the glue of his group, bringing all of them together and planning the gatherings. anton was such a social butterfly to the point that everyone seemed to know him, and before you knew it your friend groups began mingling and overlapping.

you were afraid you were going to regress back to the shy girl you were as a child when anton came to you at a gathering. you had practiced this moment, him approaching you and asked what you were up to now. you had your hobbies written down on your hand and your new interests saved to your phone. you had made a playlist of the songs you liked now and a folder filled with art from your class. you wanted to desperately show anton you had grown up too, that you used your hands to hold a brush instead of slicing through water and you smelled like oil paint now instead of chlorine. 

“how’ve you been?” anton asked.

he held a barely touched drink in his hand and you had a solo cup filled with soda in yours—neither of you were really fans of drinking.

“i’m good.” when anton nodded you looked around the living room of your mutual friend. everyone was mingling, engaged in conversation except for you too. “i read now.” you said abruptly.

anton smiled, tilting his head at your new hobby.

“what have you been reading?” anton asked.

“oedipus rex.” your grip on the red cup almost bent the plastic around your fingers when anton looked you in your eyes. when you held his eyes for too long you instinctually looked down at your feet, focusing on a crack in the floorboard. “it’s for class, but i like it alot.” you said to the floor.

“hey.” anton reached his hand towards you, making you pull your eyes back up to him. his eyes were warm, his smile lines made you smile too. “that’s cool, really.” anton assured you.

you suddenly felt comfortable, the imaginary tension dissipated like the smoke clouds around you two. you put your hands on your hips ironically and shrugged your shoulders.

“you know, it’s nothing.” anton laughed a little at your reaction, copying your little pose. “i read shakespeare during the weekends.” you joke.

“something light?” anton jokes back.

“you get it.” you say.

for the rest of the night, you and anton caught up. you talked about everything that happened between the last time you saw eachother, laughing at funny stories and eyes going wide when something scandalous was said. no time passed at all between the two of you, you went back to your old routine like it was second nature. you talked in every part of the house, sitting on your friends bed while talking about class then standing in the kitchen when you mentioned life at home. you guys stood by the restroom talking about life and next steps, and ended on the couch while the night was winding down.

even though you didn’t have a single thing to drink that night, you felt dizzy staring at anton. he had his arm on the back of the couch, head leaning against his closed fist as he listened to you so intently. you felt yourself forgetting some words, looking to him to fill in what you were forgetting. you saw his smile grow big as you talked his ear off about art—once he got you started you couldn’t stop. you related your major to swimming, how you get in the zone the same way you used to before starting relays. talking with anton about swim made you realize how much you missed it. you missed the camaraderie with your teammates, how it felt like they were the only ones who understood what it was like to be so dedicated to the water. you ended the conversation on a somber note, but anton looked wistfully at his hands as he recalled his own memories.

“i miss being in swim with you, but i’m happy you’re doing what makes you happy.” anton says.

he puts his hand on your knee and you quickly put your hand on top, enjoying that you have an excuse to touch him. his hand is soft like it always was.

“i appreciate it.” you don’t let go of anton’s hand, squeezing it slightly. “you should come to my class sometime. sometimes we get extra credit on assignments if we bring in live models.” you say.

“you want me to slut myself out so you can get an A for the semester?” anton asks.

you scratch the nape of your neck to hide embarrassment. you recover well, looking at anton jokingly.

“isn’t that what friends do?” you ask.

anton throws his head back to laugh. his hand on your leg squeezes your knee, causing you to move too. both of you laugh for a moment, but you can feel your face heating at the thought of anton posing for your class.

“maybe your next solo assignment.” anton looks forward at the party. a couple flirts in front of you guys on the shag rug, holding a joint to the others lips as they breathe it in. “i don’t know if i can do that in front of your whole class.” anton says, looking back to you.

you turn to look at the couple now, face feeling even hotter at the thought of anton posing just for you. you can’t stop your mind racing. suddenly you are inspired, the dynamic poses you see anton in flashes through your mind as you try to speak. you wondered if anton would be able to stay still as long as you needed him to, if he could keep his lips parted the perfect amount for hours on end. the ideas couldn’t stop flowing—you had to slightly shake your head to refocus.

“it wouldn’t be nude. i’ve seen it all before amyways.” you say casually.

when anton laughs shyly you turn back to him. he has a smirk on his lips, and you can feel your hands get restless. you want to paint his lips and his perfect teeth that show when he smirks. you think that if you were to paint it and show it to anton he would understand why you suddenly feel sheepish looking at him.

“first of all, you haven’t seen it all, you’ve seen my top half. second of all, i’m not that flimsy prepubescent kid anymore. i’m a man.” anton says, posing to show off his muscles.

you have to nod and smile to act like nothing is a big deal. you reach forward and poke his flexed arms for comedic effect. before you can say anything, the host of the party tells everyone it’s time to leave. the lights cut on and anton’s blushing face is revealed to you. when your eyes go wide he draws his hand away from your leg, hiding it behind a stretch.

“before i pose for you though, i’d like to actually see you again.” anton gets up from the couch, and holds out his hand to help you up. you grab it and stand right in front of him, looking at his broad chest. anton’s hands to to your shoulders, and you look up to him. “not just by chance at a gathering but like actually planning something out.” he says.

you nod your head. you find your hands to be restless again, the only way to get them to be still is to stuff them into the small pockets of your jeans.

“you have my number.” you say back.

“anton, let’s go.” you look and see anton’s friends beckon to him from the entryway. 

“were you drinking? you’re our DD.” another friend said.

“it’s literally kombucha.” anton shakes his head, and you can see the nonalcoholic text on the label. he faces you as he walks backwards to his friends, pulling out his phone. “i’ll text you.” he says.

anton turned back to his friends before you could say okay. when you walk out with your friends a few minutes later you felt the buzzing in your back pocket, and you open your screen to read the message.

let’s hang out tomorrow

this is anton btw

ever since that night, you started seeing anton everyday. whether it was a quick stop to eachothers dorms in between classes or eating together you were with him everyday. in a weeks time anton gave you the spare key to his dorm, emphasizing that you could crash there whenever you’d like. you had no sense of self preservation and neither did anton—both of you went all in, spending so much time together you started getting the urge to swim again. 

although you spent time together like when you were in highschool, there was a different feeling to it. there was a line you two silently set in the dirt when you got to highschool. you two came to the agreement then that friends didn’t hold hands, they sat on opposite sides of the couch, and had crushes on other people. it was upsetting, both of you mourned the loss of innocence and degree of closeness brought by skinship. but you guys were becoming adults, it was time to draw a line in the dirt the same way you did when you were children. sometimes you thought about the line, how it might’ve been the thing that drove you two apart. you two were on opposite sides, heading off in different directions. 

but time is a flat circle and you two went around the world to meet at the same line. this time, it was the division in his couch, the line down the middle that separated the two cushions the both of you sat on. a romantic movie played on the television in anton’s dorm, one about two people finding their way back to eachother. you scooted closer to the division in the couch and anton did too, still watching at the movie. 

that’s how it was at first, you two getting so close to the line until your thighs touched, but nothing more. you felt the cold sweats all over you body and heat across your cheeks and neck as your mind wandered to all the possibilities. his hand went to your knee first, the same way it did at the gathering. everything was different, the implication of being alone and him touching you made goosebumps spread across your skin. heat came from anton in waves, and you could smell chlorine and his body wash when he settled deeper into the couch, moving his body slightly towards you.

“i really like this movie.” anton said.

you nodded your head, feeling anton squeeze your knee. you tried mimicking him, relaxing further into the couch until you could lean against his body. when your head rested on his shoulder he visibly relaxed, lowering his body more to give you more space. his hand moved from your knee to your thigh, squeezing and rubbing what he could reach. you felt hot all over, trying not to read too much into how anton was holding you. 

anton was the one that crossed the line first. he stepped over the line in the dirt when he picked up your legs and moved them over his, coming completely into your space. a tiny sound left your mouth, you were excited, feeling static electricity across your body and inside your mind. you could only put your hands over anton’s as you got used to his touch. 

nothing happened that night, nothing seemed to happen when you guys would spend time together. it was grueling and agonizingly slow how you two were working up to being in eachothers space again. anton would hold you in the privacy of his room timidly, touches light as a feather like he was worried you’d flinch away. you were worried you were enjoying it too much, the way he’d look at you sweetly and hesitate when bringing the back of your hand to his lips. anton grabbed your hand while walking you back to your building, fingers lacing with yours casually as he talked about his schedule for tomorrow. the both of you could only speak absentmindedly and nod, too focused on how your hands fit together like puzzle pieces. 

even though you didn’t spend as much time with anton as you did when you were in swim, he still took up an unhealthy amount of your mind. the slow and delicate pace you two moved at burned across your skin, leaving your brain frayed at the edges. it was the worst when you were painting. you’d be focused on an object in front of you for a study and your mind would drift to anton. your fingers and your strokes would turn into half assed portraits of the boy you were getting close to again. it became an obsession, you were hiding your unfinished work of anton in the studio space, scared he’d find it if you put it in your room. 

just when it got to be too much, it was like the art gods were smiling down on you. your class got assignments to do a human anatomy study. you wrote down your name to rent the studio space to accommodate anton’s schedule that you now had memorized. when leaving class you texted anton, telling him about your upcoming project.

are you going to draw me like one of your french girls?

i’ll try my best.

you didn’t even have to ask anton to be your model. he agreed on the spot, only asking for the time, place, and how many clothes he needed to bring. he showed up to the studio shortly after his class, wearing a matching gray sweatsuit. anton had a duffle slung over his shoulder, and he held on tightly to the strap as he navigated his way around the studio space. he was unbelivably careful, almost tiptoeing around the half done sculptures that littered the floor. droplets from anton’s hair fell on the ground as he walked—he came straight from swim practice, not wasting the time to go back home.

you both hesitated before going in for a hug, making it an awkward embrace. you both knew the implications, and the tension made hairs on the back of your neck raise. anton patted your back twice, pulling away and asking about your day. his voice was sweet and nonchalant, but the blush appearing across anton’s cheeks told you he was nervous. you were the same, refusing to make eye contact as you stared at the zipper on anton’s tracksuit.

his hands rested at his sides when you were done exchanging pleasantries, trying to figure out what was next. you cleared your throat and motioned towards the block in the center of the studio surrounded by a circle of easels.

“just pose there however you’d like.” you pointed to the sheet neatly folded on top of the block. “there’s a sheet to cover yourself up with.” you said.

you walked past the block, weaving through a row of easels until you made it to yours. you focused on your name carved into the wood as anton rolled his shoulders to try and relieve tension. he slid his duffle down his arm first, and you had to stare at the blank canvas in front of you to stop yourself from stealing glances at anton’s body. his curly hair peaked out above the canvas, moving slightly as he got undressed. you focused on the curls when you hear anton but when you heard anton unzip his jacket you went to playing with the charcoal utensils. you had to duck your head when you heard anton’s jacket fall to the ground and him messing with the drawstring on his pants. you count the little paint splotches on the ground over and over again when you see the gray sweats pool at anton’s feet. you watch his feet as he steps out and makes his way towards the block. you hear him bump into an easel, how slow his steps are. you almost pinch your skin when you hear the fabric of the sheet move, hoping that the self inflicted pain will give you something else to focus on.

you refuse to look up until you hear anton’s voice in front of you.

“can you help me?” anton asks.

you realize it was a mistake inviting anton when you finally get the courage to look past the easel and at him. instantly you are bothered, watching anton sit on the block while looking at you hopelessly. anton’s stares right through you as you slowly walk over towards him, causing your palms to feel sweaty. you wipe them on your jeans a million times before you stand in front of anton. from up here you can see overheard lights in the studio reflect in his large brown eyes as he looks up to you.

you make minor adjustments to the sheet that wraps around anton’s body, trying not to focus on his smooth skin that’s exposed or the peak of toned muscle you see. you make the mistake of looking at anton’s abdomen as you move his legs to a more comfortable position. his stomach is chiseled, intense workouts carved anton’s body out of stone. no matter where you touch him he is so soft and so solid underneath your fingertips. you focus on anton’s shoulder, but you can feel him staring directly at your face. you move a piece of hair from anton’s face and travel down. you look at his nose before you can look at him in the eyes.

“looks good now.” you say.

before you can turn away anton’s hands go to your waist. he keeps them there, fingers splayed out but he applies no pressure. 

“what looks good?” anton asks.

you shrug quickly, trying not to shiver underneath anton’s look. he presses his fingers into your hips a little harder, and his thumb messes with the bottom of your shirt before slipping under. your hands go to his shoulders as he pulls you closer.

anton’s expression is almost pained when he leans his head back, blinking quickly before he opens them fully. his brown eyes almost look glossy when he focuses back on you. you see your reflection in anton’s eyes he pulls you in a little closer. your hands creep from anton’s shoulders to the nape of his neck. you let one of your hands splay across the back of anton’s neck, rubbing the pads of your fingers against his scalp. he leans his head into your hand with a sigh and a smile on his face. he brings your other hand that rests on his shoulder to his lips, looking directly at you when he kisses your hand.

he doesn’t stop at your knuckles. he works his way up slowly, moving his hand to graze over each kiss. you let him kiss you gently, and you let him pull you down until you’re face to face with him. anton stops at your tricep, his shaking hands still pressed to his trail of kisses.

“anton.” you say.

you close your eyes and lean in when anton looks back at you. for a moment you’re floating in space, heading towards the unknown. the thought of rejection flashes across your mind before you feel anton’s reciprocating, soft and gentle against your lips. 

you press into him gently, your hand fully goes into his curly head of hair to finger the ends and twirl them around your finger. anton’s hands hold your arms first, gripping them slightly as he brings you in place. when it’s not enough anton slides off the block he was sitting on, the thin sheet that was covering his naked body falls with him. more of anton is exposed to you but you don’t shy away, you place your hands on his skin and press into his solid frame. anton pulls you down to the ground with him, not breaking the kiss as you become more desperate. you two almost bump into the easels surrounding you, but neither of you can be bothered.

you cross the line of his lips to push your tongue into his mouth, and anton tilts his head so he can do the same. you guys find a rhythm, lips languidly moving in sync while your tongues press against eachother. 

“i rented out this space for the next hour.” even when anton pulls away from you while you keep a hand locked in his curly hair. “just us.” you say breathlessly.

anton hums and nods his head, pulling you closer by a hand wrapped around your waist. your back bows against his hold, giving anton space to drag his hands up your sides to grip your clothed chest. your shirt creases underneath anton’s hand, and you whimper when he presses his plush lips to your exposed collarbone.

“just us?” anton asks against your skin.

you nod your head vigorously when anton looks up at you from your chest, and you straighten your posture to try and bring your body closer to his. anton smiles, the creases in his eyes almost covered by the curls that cascade down the frame of his face. he presses his forehead to yours and the two of you look down between your two bodies. anton focuses on you two fitting together like puzzle pieces while you focus on his dick resting against his stomach. his tip is red and angry, the beading pre-cum making a patch of anton’s abdomen sticky.

anton pulls you onto his bare lap, his dick resting heavy against his stomach. his hands map your body, so desperate and unaware of his own strength that he overstretches the fabric of your shirt and causes you to move at his will. his hands mess with your jeans, pulling you closer by your belt loops. he rearranges himself on the sheet he used to cover himself as the charcoal staining your hands rubs off on his chest.

both of you are still, letting the weight of the situation sink in. your hand pressed against anton’s chest while the other grips his shoulder for stability. his hand on your chest, and the other on the small of your back as he splays his hand across the expanse. you look at your charcoal stained hand resting on anton’s chest. his heart thuds against your palm, mirroring the hammering in your own ribcage. your quickened heart rates effects everything, the way your breathing has turned into short huffs, the way your eyes flicker across anton’s face. the only thing that remains slow and steady is your hand as you drag it down anton’s chest. you make it past his heart, keeping eye contact as you trail down his stomach. when anton’s eyes close you let your hand finally wrap around his length, twitching and hard in your hand. 

anton sighs in relief, taking one hand off of you to prop himself up as he leans back. the other hand on your body doesn’t calm down. even with his eyes closed anton finds the bottom of your shirt, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat when you start pumping his dick. anton’s grabs at any part of your body he can get a viable grip on. he kneads the flesh on your stomach before reaching up and holding your chest over your bra.

when he opens his eyes again anton brings his other hand to you to lift your shirt over your head. you’re forced to take your hand off his dick to discard your shirt, but when it’s thrown somewhere in the studio you go right back to him. you don’t pay the sound of and easel moving or the sound of paintbrushes clattering any mind—you’re focused on something else. 

anton pauses only for a second, placing a kiss on your chest before he grabs a handful of you again. you go back to him, grabbing his dick in your hands. the slow pace you were going at previously was abandoned, you have waited too long to tease. the angle is awkward, almost uncomfortable—but the way anton’s eyes close and his mouth slightly opens in ecstasy drives your hand to go faster. anton’s precum makes your hand glide easily. the wet sound of you jerking anton off is subtle and quiet, almost as quiet as the whimpers that slip from anton’s mouth. you open your mouth too, mirroring the way anton whimpers pitifully when you tighten your hand around him.

anton lifts his hips and lifts you too, bringing both of you off the ground momentarily so he can fuck your hand. you look down at anton, how his body flexes to fuck himself and how his face is contorted in pure pleasure. you use your free hand to run over anton’s stomach, admiring the chiseled beauty in front of you. you can feel his abs ripple underneath his taut skin as you press your hand deeper into him.

“you look like a painting.” you murmur. 

when you start pulsing your fist around his twitching dick anton puts his hand over yours. he brings you both back to the present.

“i won’t last long.” he says sheepishly.

you can see anton’s face already becoming flushed, the blush adorning his face in splotches. anton pulls your hand away from his dick, placing your wet hand on his chest instead. you both start feeling eachother again, letting your hands feel everything in the calm of heavy breathing and occasional sighs. anton brings you in close, nudging your ear with his nose as he lets out a shaky breath.

“how do you want it?” he whispers into your ear.

“we have to be quick.” you say just as quiet.

anton nods, sliding you off his lap onto the sheet. he moves his body fast, resting on his haunches as he works the button of your jeans. the fact that you two are running low on time looms over your heads, and the thrill of getting caught makes you two desperate. anton’s dick is rigid in the air, twitching upwards when he imagines someone walking in on the two of you. 

you work your bra off your body, unclasping it quickly as anton pulls your pants down your legs. when he gets the denim down to your mid thigh he stops to abruptly lean over and kiss your exposed chest. it’s quick, a small peck right on your erect nipple. you wish you had more time with anton in this cramped studio, so you could whimper and while asking him to do it again. but you didn’t have time, and you were getting uncomfortable in your panties so you let anton pull your pants off the rest of the way.

anton pulls you in for a kiss, moving to stand on his knees and you do the same. he brings you in by an arm wrapped behind your back. you put your hands on his broad chest, letting his teeth clash against yours before pulling away.

“we have to be quick.” anton says.

he warns the two of you, but he still takes his time looking down at you and brushing hair behind your ear. being quick is lost on him as he caresses your cheek. he almost asks you how you’ve been before you pull away from him, turning around to get on your hands and knees.

“we have to be quick.” you echo.

anton laughs, looking at the position you got into so quickly. he doesn’t have anymore time to waste, he’s been doing that for the past fifteen years. so anton slots himself between your legs, letting his hard dick rest against your ass as he gets comfortable.

”i don’t have any condoms.” anton says. 

he looks at your dick rest against your ass, twitching each time you move.

“i’m on birth control.” you wiggle your hips, scooting backwards to get closer to anton. “i’m not seeing anyone.” you add.

“me neither.” anton says immediately.

you nod, moving your hand back to grab anton’s dick. he guides himself into your hand, and shuffles forward until his tip prods your entrance. he can see a translucent pearl of precum mix with your slick. anton grabs his dick where you held it previously, running his tip up and down your folds. he sees you sigh and shiver, pressing your hands flat to the ground to mentally prepare yourself.

“the door is locked right?” anton asks.

both of you look towards the small classroom door. it’s halfway across the room, but you can vividly remember turning the metal bolt. it was ironic how much you hated distractions in the studio but here you were on your hands and knees, the most distracted you’ve ever been in your entire life.

“it’s locked and no one comes here during the weekends.” you let out a sigh when you feel anton come closer to you. “it’s like if we were in the locker rooms on a saturday night.” you say.

anton visibly relaxes behind you, finding comfort in the fact that you remembered saturday night competitions. everyone cleared out of immediately when the swim meets were over, everyone desperately trying to enjoy the start of their weekend. by the time the meets were done there wasn’t a soul around, not even the cleaning staff. so it was truly just you and anton here, completely engrossed in eachother. he leans over to press a kiss to your shoulder blades before moving a hand to your ass. he spreads you out, wanting a clear view of you spread out. anton sighs, wishing he had the time to press gentle kisses to your bottom half. anton tells himself silently that you have no idea how well he’d eat you out, how he’d take his time and not stop until you begged him to. but time was of the essence and anton was getting impatient—he rubbed a hand down your back while he lined himself up.

“are you ready?” anton asks sweetly. 

you nod against the sheet underneath you. anton looks past your ass to smile at you. you’re so pretty with your lips pouted in anticipation anad your cheeks smushed from pressing into the sheet.

“yes.” you answer.

anton nods, and stays in the same position so he can see your face when he slides in. your eyes close instantly and your lips part, anton does the same as he watches you. he’s bewitched, locked in on how he’s making you feel. you suck him in more and more, and when anton bottom’s out he sees you bite down on your finger to stop yourself from moaning. he pulls all the way out before sliding back in, just as slow.

anton looks around at the easels surrounding your bodies, and the platform anton was posing on not even five minutes ago. he almost feels bad, he feels like he’s tainted the space you’ve created for yourself. he remembers when you used to be so shy you couldn’t look at someone in the eye, but now you gave presentations to seasoned artists about something as personal as art. he was proud of you, he thinks he loves you as he looks around and sees the art you’re working on. anton swears he sees a drawing pinned to the wall, an unfinished bust where the curls and side profile is unmistakable. anton looks down at your face, where you have tears prickling your vision and your teeth dig into your bottom lip. 

when anton notices you staring at him he sees your hand reach back for him. anton sees your other hand gripping the sheets, and how you slide forward each time his hips kiss yours. before he knows it anton reaches forward to grab both of your arms, causing your knees to move forward as you sit on the back of your legs.

when anton grabs your arms at your sides, he pulls you back to him. you grab onto his biceps, the only stability you have in your position. you can hear anton grunt as he thrusts forward, using his hold on your body to bring you back. each time he thrusts his hips forward he exerts his strength, nearly knocking the breath out of you each time. 

the sound of your skin slapping against his fills the room, and you can hear paintbrushes on the easels shake. your teeth digging into your bottom lip is the only thing stopping you from crying out anton’s name.

anton looks up from where he fucks you for behind, focusing on your nails that dig into his arm. he hisses from the pain, already feeling sensitive all over his body.

“feels good?” anton asks.

his voice is still sweet and airy as he talks to you. and you let a moan slip from your lips to let him know, and he sighs in response. the two of you can barely form sentences, becoming twitching messes as anton continues fucking you from behind. all communication turns to high-pitched whines and tightening grips from your hands. eventually it’s not enough, you let go of anton’s biceps to clench your fists to relieve the tension. he pulls your body back each time he thrusts forward, causing your body to jolt and the easels around you shake. you hear paintbrushes clatter against the linoleum floors far off in your mind, it barely registers when anton moans about how good you feel.

anton lets go of your hands and you plant them on the sheet. you can feel him behind you, his hand pressing into your stomach as he brings his sweaty chest to your back. anton continues to fuck you, a handful of your stomach in anton’s hands helps him drive your body backwards to meet his hips. 

anton lets a whimper slip from his lips as he presses his cheek into your shoulder blades. his thrusts turns to ruts, and his free hand starts gripping your ass. you start acting on your own needs, purposely clamping your walls around anton’s dick so you can feel every inch of him inside of you. you start pathetically pushing your hips backwards, trying to do some of the work.

anton brings his face forward, hitting deep inside of you as his body superimposes over yours. you can feel puffs of hot air fan your ear as anton presses his face into the side of yours.

“you feel so good.” anton whimpers into your sticky skin.

“your dick is perfect.” you whine.

“you’re so perfect.” anton moans when you clamp around him again. “you have no idea.” he says.

you can feel anton’s smile against the shell of your ear as he continues to desperately rut into you. his smile falls when your walls squeeze around him sporadically. you can hear the moans he tried to silence, how they recklessly slip past his lips. he’s loud, unmistakably loud. you think about the rare chance there’s someone on the other side, pressing their ear to the door as they try to make out the sounds they hear over the music.

anton realizes he’s being too loud, he moves his mouth to the crook of your neck so your skin can muffle his sounds. you can feel the vibration of anton’s voice against your neck, and his teeth pressing into your clammy skin to calm himself. hearing anton causes you to spasm around him more. you’re slowly losing control of your body, the same way you lose control when painting. you let the feeling wash over the same way your ideas do, following the strokes of your brush and the sound of anton’s whimpers becoming more desperate. his hand goes from your ass to your chest, kneading your breasts roughly as he pants into your neck. 

“i’m close.” you whisper.

you say it only for anton and for yourself, squeezing your eyes shut. you see anton pass by your eyes in a blur, all the times he’s looked like a painting you wanted to keep locked away in your sketchbook. the fleeting touches and palpitations in your heart seared to the back of your eyelids. just before the coil in your stomach snaps, anton pulls away from your body. 

“i need to see you.” anton says earnestly.

you’re on your back in seconds, laying on the white sheets anton used to cover himself. you can’t look away from anton’s wet eyes or his mussed curly hair. his chest is pressed up against yours in an instant when he pulls your legs to bring you closer to his hips. he kisses your forehead quickly, slowing down before kissing your lips then each cheek. you wish you could’ve kissed him back, but your brain was still foggy from being on the brink of an orgasm. only one thing is on your mind as you look at anton with big teary eyes.

“put it back in.” you nearly cry. “please.”

anton grabs his length, gliding it down your folds until he finds your hole. he doesn’t waste time sliding in, fully pushing inside of you. anton has to go to the crook of your neck to moan out his frustrations, feeling his hot pants bounce off your skin.

“i love you.” 

anton says it into the sweaty skin of your neck. if he had any self control he would’ve saved it for a better time, like a romantic dinner date or a trip back to your hometown. but anton can’t help it, he’s driven by needing you as close to him as possible. he tells himself he’ll confess to you properly again, when you both have time.

before you can tell anton you feel the same way, the words are taken from your throat as picks a brutal pace. you can only nod your head and pull your legs closer to your chest to help him hit deeper. you can feel anton everywhere, and you can see his curls bounce above your head as the ends become heavy from sweat. you can only pout, feeling your own eyes become teary from all the emotions.

“anton.” you whimper his name pitifully. anton puts one of your legs over his shoulder to free your hand so he can hold it.

“i know.” anton coos. he moans at the new angle and squeezes your hand tighter. “i know.”

when anton presses his lips to yours, you walls spasm around his dick again. this time anton doesn’t stop, driving his hips into yours while his name falls from your lips a million times. anton uses it as motivation, using the last bit of self control he has left to fuck you through your orgasm. when your legs become weak and anton’s name turns into incoherent babbles, he goes back into your neck.

“where can i?” he huffs.

you let your hands press into his shoulder blades, bringing his sweaty chest to yours.

“anywhere” you clench around anton, feeling yourself getting week. “don’t make a mess.” you mumble.

“fuck.” 

anton can’t hold on any longer, especially when your lips attach to his neck sucking harshly. he twitches inside of you and he goes as deep as he can one more time before stilling inside of you. your back arches from the ground when you feel him cum inside of you, hot and sticky in spurts. each time anton twitches inside of you his whole body shudders, and he lets out a sigh you think he’s been holding in for years. his grip of your hand never loosened, still white-knuckled as he presses your hand into the sheet. you let your leg wrap around anton to keep his waist in place and it’s your turn to coo at him now.

you two stay like that, sweaty chests heaving as anton stays inside of you. neither of you want to pull away, and you feel a pang in your chest when you can feel anton’s cum seep out of you. he pulls out, whole body shuddering as he slides out of you. 

anton taps your bent knee affectionately, and you nod your head as you try to breathe normally again. anton looks around the studio before pushing off your knee.

you see him meander around the studio for a second before wlaking to the paint stained sink. anton turns on the water and washes his hands before pulling out more paper towels than necessary.

he comes back to your body on the floor, wiping away the cum that seeped out of you and drying your sweaty face with another paper towel. you can only smile as anton cleans you up, and when he’s done he grabs your face in both of his hands and presses a fat kiss to your lips. both of you smile when he pulls away, and you run your hand through his curly hair.

“how much time do you have left?” anton asks.

[lonigiri]

nnn drabble with riize members 🩷🩷

(eunseok, seunghan, wonbin, + anton)

(pls dni if under 18 or ageless blog)

warnings: dubcon. riize x fem!reader. no nut november (obviously). all of them have like zero self control. seunghan making fun of his members for having lack of self control. smut obviously. use of petnames. anton being a cutie patootie. erm wonbin cums against readers ass while she sleeps.

eunseok ☆

•he tries so hard to go through nnn

•he honestly gets really far like to day 28

•but he just couldnt hold himself back

•that day you were wearing your thin lounge shorts and a white low cut tank top and he couldnt help himself

“eunseok i thought you wanted to get through no nut november” he just groaned slumping over next to you. “i tried so hard but i couldnt help myself :(” he pouted and sprawled out on the bed. you knew he owed someone money.

(the rest under the cut)

wonbin ☆

•oh lord bro doesnt last more then a week

•he lacks so much basic self control

•ESPECIALLY when it comes to you

•when he told you he was participating in nnn you did not believe in him

•wether it was him loosing to you or his own fist you knew he was not gonna win

•and you were right

“please baby! i promise i wont cum!! and it doesnt count as a loss unless i cum!” he was practically- no he was begging. when i said no self control i meant it. you kept telling him over and over again no. you had made a promise to him that you wouldnt help him with losing and you planned to keep that promise, especially since there was money involved. “no wonbin, i told you i wouldnt help you with losing, if you wanna go fist yourself then go ahead but im not gonna be apart of your downfall.” he started WHINING, he was begging and pleading, saying that it wouldnt feel the same if it wasnt you. you still refused and maybe after 10 refusals he let it go. fast forward a couple hours the two of you were in bed asleep and you had woken up to some rustling. “wonbin what are you- are you kidding me right now.” you saw him trying to clean himself up quickly. you could see the awkward smile on his face. “i told you i needed you! you didnt listen!” “wonbin i swear-”

seunghan ☆

• the amount of self control this man has

• he makes it to the end with no suprise from anyone

• and he kept you satisfied throughout all of november too he didnt just ignore you to get through it

“what do the guys owe you now?” you asked the male as he laid on your thighs as you played with his hair. “we all put in like 25 bucks so im getting the pot. pretty sweet. i dont know how all of them failed. its really not that hard to control yourself.” “i dont know, with them i think half of them would fuck a door knob if it had tits.”

anton ☆

• he tried so hard

• he wanted the money so he could take you out shopping

• it was like two weeks in when he failed

• he tried to hold back so hard but he couldnt do it any longer he felt like he was gonna explode

“s..so sorry, i wanted to stay strong but i just couldnt.” he said while his length was burried into your cunt. you stroked his hair as he softly fucked you. “its okay baby, we all have our weaknesses.” you mumbled. he burried his head into the crook of your neck as he came deep into ur cunt. he really cant hold back when it comes to you, i mean could you blame him ur cunt was so warm and tight, perfect for him.

[jaetyun]

your biggest fan.

04. rodrick heffley

wc: roughly 1.4k ish

"my arms hurt"

"your arms always hurt" your insistent whines only prove to make eunseoks jaw tick in annoyance, wanting nothing more than to take the luggage in his hands and throw it at your face until you fall backwards. it would really funny too, he notes. "plus, you're the one that said you'd help in any way you could."

"i know i said that but i was thinking like, hanging out with anton in his studio all day" you huff, stopping halfway through the hallway to do a small hop, an attempt to readjust the box in your hands. "why'd i get the heavier shit? you literally work out" you're met with a teasing shrug, eunseok opening the door and holding it for you in a small token of pity. rather than a thank you, you reply with scrunching your face, sticking your tongue out in childish rebellion.

the two of you have been packing up the essentials in the house that doubled as their practice and resident hangout spot. the rest would be on the way eventually, though you were sure eunseok had sent them on random errands to delay the inevitable: you seeing sohee and wonbin.

it's not like you hadn't all hung out in this very house countless times, this being your childhood home eunseok inherited once college started. you've spent most of your formative years on the same couch you could spot even from outside the house (where you currently stood, box still in hands from being lost in thought and forgetting how heavy it is), watching a movie the boys had picked purely to watch your discomfort. when you weren't watching a movie, sometimes they'd sneak into the liquor cabinet, not allowing you to leave until you had tried some with them. or maybe the fonder memories were when they weren't being mean to you, like karaoke nights or when you watched them practice with the makeshift drums and guitar they had. the practices they had now were much more professional and definitely sounded better, but it was undeniable you were far more fond of the ones before they got big, back when their biggest problem was learning how to read music.

you were startled back to reality by eunseok finally having remorse, snatching the box from your hand and placing it carefully with the other necessities you were storing on the porch for easier delivery when shotaros big ass truck got there. you mumbled a thanks, crunching and releasing your fingers in tandem now that they're finally free, watching your brother silently nod before walking back inside first. he's definitely gotten softer since middle and high school, and the terrorizing brother who used your misery as entertainment had faded with puberty.

"i'm hungry" your complaining starts up again, following into the kitchen where you make a dramatic display of your tragedy by laying down on the island table. eunseok scoffs, placing a water bottle next to you mid tantrum. "the guys will be back in like 20 minutes with food, you can survive." at the reminder, you turn around so you're now on your stomach, swaying your feet in the air with a grin. your brother stares at you for a second, a mix of judgment and disgust overtaking his face. "dont go ignoring everyone else when he gets here. especially sohee, you barely glance his direction at this point. it's honestly really depressing to watch"

your eyebrows raise at this, glancing at your brother suspiciously. "you want me to pay attention to sohee? what did he bribe you with to get you to say that" you sigh out, fidgeting with the water bottle cap while speaking.

"you've known him longer, he misses his friend." he walks over, pinching your cheeks to coo at you before you're swatting his hand away. "eugh! i dunno what's infected your brain to be asking me to hang out with sohee when normally i'm not allowed in a 10 foot radius of your friends. need me to babysit him or something?" he rolls his eyes, taking a seat in one of the chairs while you still sat stomach down, your head now resting on your crossed arms. "he's not even the youngest. i just think you shouldn't be so googoo gaga over wonbin, it's weird."

as if on queue, the door swung open, bag of greasy fast food in antons hand while he did a sing song hum to signify he's home.

"yn get off the island! you're gross germs are gonna get on the food" shotaro nags, walking toward you while you slowly shuffle off. "you'd love it if you had my cooties, it'd the first time a woman gave you anything-" eunseok covers your mouth with his hand, using the momentum to push you back so he could take a peak inside the to-go bags. he made quick work of it, taking the wrapped burgers and handing it out to the regular buyers of that item.

once you got your requested order, you glanced at sohee, the words your brother said ringing in your head. looking around, you spotted wonbin after, eyes softening and feet about to work on autopilot before you blinked yourself back to reality. sohee was in the corner of the kitchen, resting against the counter seemingly in his own world. looking back at wonbin, it was clear he was occupied talking to anton while they surveyed the drinks and messed with them inside the carrier. after pausing for a moment, your feet begun to move again, walking toward the person you'd rather talk to.

"heehee" you hum, walking over to sohee who was inspecting his burger. he gave you a nod, a smile etching on his face even if his gaze immediately returned to the burger. "is it true you miss your ex bestie?" you tease, hands under your chin to frame your face while batting your eyelashes. he snickers, deciding to dismiss the burger entirely and now focusing on you. he nods in confirmation, the cheeky smile still on his face. "we never hang out anymore, alone or in a group"

your pose drops, sticking a tongue out at him. "well that's your fault for homie hopping to my brother" wonbin walks over to where you guys stood in the kitchen, drink in one hand while the other slides onto the counter next to sohee. "why're you guys hiding from us?" although it's clear there's humor in his voice, he gives sohee an unreadable expression before sohees rolling his eyes, gesturing to you. "she came over here to pick on me." your eyes widened, scared of making a bad impression on wonbin and him viewing you as anything other than the alluring gentle girl. "not true!" there sohee goes, setting operation loverboy back 15 steps.

"oh. well then leave him alone yn" you nod dumbly, an apologetic smile on your face. he returns the smile before turning back to sohee. "we're loading the truck right now, we could use the extra hands" he gives sohee, who is now also exchanging an expression you can't quite place, a hardy pat on his forearm before swiftly exiting. sohee sighs, taking one last bite out the mostly untouched burger before looking back at you. "well i'm glad you decided to join us on tour, i dunno about anyone else know i missed your company. make sure to say hi to shotaro and anton too" he finishes, now sliding off the counter and rolling up his sleeves while walking toward the front door. watching all the boys pile out, you sat there wordlessly. this was the first time you were truly gonna be surrounded by the band and only the band, and though you were more than happy to spent most of your time with wonbin it soon sunk in how everyone else would be there too. sohee seemed more excited to see you than even hiyyih, who was the president of your fanclub. shotaro and anton were the same as ever, adding to the group what the other three lacked in high school perfectly. though you joined purely for your quest with wonbin, it soon became clear this trip was about a lot more than you trying to win over your lover boy. it wasn't until your phone dinged that you had snapped back to reality, hand automatically going to your pocket to reply.

previous - masterlist - next

since your brother formed a band with his friends in high school, you've had a massive crush on the aloof and reserved wonbin. him never paying you mind never bothered you until they became famous, and now you have to share him with every other fangirl. now that they're on tour, it's the perfect opportunity to make wonbin realize he doesn't want to share you either.

taglist @jvngw0nlvr @tocupid @seunghancore @molensworld @starwonb1n @yizhoutv @yipyipmorals @gyehyeonist @icewons @renjuneoo @soobiverse @fae-renjun @nujeskz @woonagi-lemon @miy-svz @binoyu @ricecakeslove @i03jae @meowbini @https-yeonjun @snowyseungs @p-d1ddy @saranghoeforanton @secretiny @aloverga @potatosoulp1h @dimplewonie @taroddori i @suzayaaa @brachioswrld @flaminghotyourmom @haowonbins @kyusqult

[bbina]

since you finished packing yesterday, you were the first one to get inside the cinema room so that meant you had a loveseat all to yourself. immediately. you plopped your feet on the other side of the sofa so no one else would sit beside you. this was the last day for lounging around in a house with all your friends

not even a moment later the rest of the guys all start coming in, you figured everyone just finished doing their own thing.

suddenly the other side of the sofa dips. you look at the culprit who had the audacity to sit next to you only to see it was wonbin.

“hope this seat isn’t taken” wonbin quips, patting your leg as he moves it to the side so he can have some space to sit.

“it is, now move” you say, trying to kick him off the loveseat but he doens’t budge. instead, wonbin lifts your legs and places them on his lap.

“too damn bad” wonbin pokes his tongue out at you, leaning back as he makes himself comfortable.

eunseok passes by and makes a “bleugh” sound before sitting down on the sofa with shotaro following suit

shotaro makes eye contact with wonbin and grins, making a heart sign with his hands, referring to you and wonbin.

anton, sohee and seunghan all sit near the projector, arguing about which movie to play first.

“i say crayon shin chan!” seunghan proposes, snatching the laptop off anton’s hands as he types his favorite show onto the web. sohee lets out an irritated sigh before snatching the laptop back

“i don’t want to watch shinchan over and over again!” sohee argues, looking up new movies that everyone hasn’t seen yet.

“uh have you guys asked everyone what they wanted to watch though?” anton looks at the rest of you, just waiting for what movie they were gonna put on. eunseok hears the commotion and suggested trolls 3. you countered that by saying you wanted to watch a horror movie. but wonbin chimes in that he doesn’t want to watch anything scary the night before you all leave back to seoul, shotaro adds that he doesn’t really care what movie they’re gonna play.

at this point everyone was just talking over each other

while everyone was arguing, sungchan and his girlfriend wordlessly come into the room. they just had a little argument prior to coming and it was evident on sungchan’s face.

yujin was accusing sungchan about some baseless accusation that he was “too” concerned for your well being and that he should just drop the fact that you were with wonbin. sungchan argued back by saying he has the right to be concerned for you as you were his best friend.

not wanting to ruin the group’s plans, they just made amends for the sake of not ruining the last group bonding.

sungchan’s eyes trail towards you and wonbin when him and yujin find a spot to sit. the way your legs are on wonbin’s lap, wonbin massaging your legs as you play on your phone. sungchan couldn’t pinpoint what he was feeling over this. why does it hurt him that you’re acting like how you usually act with him with another person?

yujin notices sungchan staring and clicks her tongue in annoyance, promptly bringing sungchan back to his senses.

“them again? seriously sungchan, this is getting annoying and weird” she grumbles, arms crossed over her chest.

sungchan rsisted the urge to roll his eyes. “you’re just seeing things, jin”

yujin doesn’t say anything else and simply goes on her phone, ignoring sungchan.

“jesus christ let’s just watch everything!” you yell, having enough of everyone being indecisive.

“i wanna watch everything everywhere all at once too!” you hear sohee excitedly say to anton and seunghan who also agreed that they wanted to watch it too. not even a minute later, anton plays the movie and projects it to the big screen

you and wonbin start giggling at the fact they heard you wrong but it evidently prompted the youngests to start the movie marathon.

and so, everyone settles in and starts watching the first of many movies.

—

a couple movies in, you couldn’t take the cold much longer. you didn’t put into consideration how cold anton’s cinema room would be. you find yourself shivering next to wonbin who looked all warm and cozy thanks to his hoodie. you wrap your arms around your body, trying to conserve body heat, fidgeting next to wonbin.

“what are you doing?” he asks, noticing your discomfort

“nothing, just fixing my position” you reply, attempting to appear nonchalant (and failing)

wonbin notices the goosebumps on your skin and the way you were shivering a little. he sits up and takes off his hoodie before offering it to you.

“here” he says, handing over his hoodie to you. you hesitate for a bit before you shake your head no and refused his hoodie. wonbin rolls his eyes and pushes his hoodie back to your hands

“i’m not taking no for an answer” he says seriously, giving you a look that made you feel fuzzy. wonbin just had this effect on you when he was being serious. so you reluctantly accept the hoodie. wonbin smiles at this, commenting that you look cute in his hoodie before he resumes watching the movie.

you continue watching whatever movie was playing on the big screen, ignoring wonbin’s comment and that weird feeling in your stomach again

suddenly, wonbin removes your legs off his lap and stands up from the couch before leaving the room for a moment. when he returns, he drapes a blanket over you.

he plops back down on the couch and resumes watching the movie up front. you sit there dumbfounded by his act of service. he really took his time to get you a blanket from another room even after he already offered his hoodie.

you feel yourself blush as you sit there, touched by wonbin’s actions. who would even have thought that wonbin was that kind of boyfriend. but oh wait, he’s not your boyfriend. he’s just pretending to be. you start to feel a little conflicted. you shouldn’t even be feeling like this towards wonbin. never in a million years you’d find yourself imagining what it’s like to be wonbin’s real partner.

in attempt to pull yourself back to reality, you remind yourself that this was all fake. you and wonbin aren’t together. you never were. it was all just pretend til this whole thing is over.

maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try and be an actual couple.. even if it’s just for tonight.. you think to yourself. you were in a room with all your friends and sungchan’s girlfriend after all, might as well play the part

your eyes peer over to wonbin who was focused on the movie. you kick his back a little to grab his attention. wonbin turns around with an eyebrow raised. you motioned him to join you under the blanket

wonbin’s worried eyes glance over at eunseok who was at the other end of the room, laying on his back as his attention was fixed on the screen. even if this was all just pretend for him, he still fears eunseok just a tiny bit. he was your older brother after all and he can only guess what could go wrong if he actually pulled a move on you

wonbin feels you kick him again. he holds out his hand out, telling you to wait before scooting right next to you. you smile as you drape his side of the blanket on him before snuggling further into the couch, finally feeling warm

besides the kiss, this has been the closest wonbin has ever been next to you in front of the guys. you had a rule where there would be at least an inch of space between you just to keep things at bay but after everything that happened recently, it's safe to assume that rule has been ruled out

feeling a little risky, and tired from the awkward stiff position wonbin was in (he’s literally sat still with his hands strictly on his lap and his legs straight as a board with eunseok around), wonbin thinks that it may or may not be a bad idea to at least wrap an arm around you

wonbin suddenly leans down and whispers something to your ear

“can i wrap my arm around you? my arms is feeling a little cramped from sitting so straight” he whispers. you didn’t even need to answer him with the way your response was immediately laying your head on his chest. wonbin takes this as a yes and carefully wraps his arm over your shoulders, pulling you close to him

at that exact moment, everything suddenly feels like it’s fallen into place. this whole ordeal suddenly feels right for the both of you. you can’t deny the fuzzy feeling you’re feeling anymore. the way you are snug in wonbin’s arms just feels so right.

you can’t help but smile and sigh in content. wonbin takes it up a notch and leans his head on top of yours while rubbing random shapes on your exposed arm. almost as if this was second nature to him

you two remain in that position for a while, simply enjoying each other’s company while watching the movie. you even started absentmindedly playing with his free hand. wonbin pays no mind and even thinks that you look cute while doing it

“i need to wash my eyes with bleach, jesus christ” eunseok suddenly blurts out. his eyes wide at the sight before him. the rest of the guys look around to see what he was referring to, and their eyes fall on you and wonbin cuddling

you and wonbin simply ignore eunseok, as well as the teasing from the other guys

“eunseok just let them be” shotaro interjects, feeling happy for his best friend

“they’re so cute” seunghan adds

“wonbin hyung is so…” anton trails off, cringing a bit at the sight of his wonbin hyung being lovey-dovey

“will you guys shut up, we can’t hear the movie” wonbin grumbles. trying to block out the surprising supportive comments from his friends. despite his heart swelling at the thought that they actually like you guys together. he reminds himself that this was all for show

“bin is there popcorn left?” you ask, sitting up a bit to look over the table for the bowl of popcorn

wonbin removes his arm around you and looks for the said popcorn bowl which was empty. he shakes his head no and offers to grab some more but you pull him back to the couch, saying you’ll be the one to get it since he already went out of his way earlier to get you a blanket. you say this would be truce so you didn’t have to owe him anything. wonbin simply laughs and ushers you to hurry up before returning his attention back at the movie

with that, you leave the room to grab some more popcorn. sungchan notices and follows suit

“where are you going, chan?” yujin asks when sungchan removes his arm around her. “i’m gonna get a drink” he says, slowly getting up but is stopped when yujin clutches his shirt.

“let me come with”

“no, just stay here and keep my seat warm, okay?” was all he says before kissing the top of her head. she pouts, making sungchan’s heart swell and agrees. “fine, but could you get me a glass of water? thanks babe” she chirps before sinking further with the couch

sungchan spots you by the kitchen counter watching the little corn kernels pop. he smiles at the sight of you giggling as you watch more kernels pop and pop. you probably just added a new batch and was waiting for it to cook

he sneaks up on you before poking your side. instantly, you jump and let out a small yelp.

“fuck you” you cursed, glaring at your best friend.

“haven’t had a proper conversation with you in a while and the first thing you say to me is “fuck you”? i’m hurt, y/n” sungchan pouts, pulling out the puppy eyes on you

you huff as you divert your attention back at the popcorn maker. “what do you want sungchan”

sungchan? not jinsu? sungchan thinks to himself. he shakes his head before trying to make you look at him

“what? can’t i talk to you anymore?” sungchan raises a brow, “and whats with the government name? what happened to jinsu?” he continues, why are you suddenly mean to him?

“that’s your name isn’t it?” you sassed, hoping that the popcorn machine finishes soon. you couldn’t stand to be near sungchan much longer

“y/n” he frowns

the popcorn machine dings, signaling that it was done cooking. you hurriedly scoop a handful to pour it into your bowl. once the bowl is filled to the brim, you walked around sungchan, silent indicating that the conversation is now over

“why are you avoiding me these days?” sungchan turns around to look at you, clearly frustrated with your constant brushing off of his attempts to make a decent conversation with you

“i’m not” you deny, not wanting to continue the conversation. why can’t sungchan take the hint that you didn’t want to talk to him?

“ever since this trip started, you’ve done nothing but brush me off or avoid me. what gives?” sungchan accuses.

you stop on your tracks. a part of you just wanted to drop the bomb on him right there. you were tired of hiding your feelings for him but you know that won’t change anything. he already has yujin so what’s the point?

“are you still mad that i didn’t tell you? god, i said i was sorry already!” sungchan throws his hands up in frustration, “i’m sorry i have a girlfriend now. there, is that what you wanted to hear?” he rants

you snap your head towards him, incredulous at his accusation. yes, you were upset with him over that but that doesn’t mean you were mad at him for having a girlfriend that isn’t you.

“what the fuck is wrong with you, sungchan?” you fumed, slamming the plastic bowl filled with popcorn on the kitchen island. sungchan’s eyes widened at your outburst. already feeling regret that he said those things to you so easily

“sorry to burst your little bubble but i don’t really give a shit if you have a partner” you continued, seething “in case you haven’t noticed i’m with wonbin now” you add, the words just tumbling out before you can stop yourself

hurt flashes through sungchan’s features at the mention of wonbin. so it really is confirmed now. that you really are with wonbin

“wonbin, huh” sungchan chuckles wryly. “so you really are dating him.. since when? why tell me this now?” sungchan continues to throw out questions

that’s when it hits you. that you admitted your “relationship” with wonbin with sungchan. the initial plan of not confirming anything long gone. you internally curse yourself for digging a deeper grave, realizing that you now have to keep up the act til god knows when

“why does it matter to you? you have a girlfriend now so i shouldn’t be your concern anymore!” you bark. having enough with this conversation, you stormed out of the kitchen empty handed, leaving an upset sungchan alone in the kitchen.

“fucking hell” you cursed quietly, walking back to the cinema room. til you spot wonbin leaning by the wall, who seemed to be eavesdropping the entire time

“how much did you hear?” you ask frantically, your hands shaking.

“the part where you confirmed our “relationship” to him” wonbin says, “even if we just said we wouldn’t be doing that” he mumbles the last part.

feeling overwhelmed with everything, tears well up in your eyes. wonbin notices and quickly makes his way towards you, immediately engulfing you in his embrace. your initial irritation with sungchan gradually turns into frustration as you begin to cry

wonbin doesn’t know what took over him when he suddenly plants a kiss on your forehead, ushering you that everything will be alright but somehow it made you feel a tad bit better. the feeling of frustration slowly dispersing

you pull away for a bit, feeling a little embarrassed that wonbin’s shirt was now wet with your tears.

“sorry” you murmured, wiping your snot with the sleeve of his jacket that you were wearing, “wow i can’t believe i let someone else that isn’t eunseok see me cry” you try to crack a joke mid breakdown

wonbin chuckles, tucking the messy strays of hair away from your face. “even in a breakdown, you still managed try and crack a joke?” he muses, trying to make you feel better. it does make you feel better that wonbin was taking care of you. something was just so comforting about wonbin especially when he has you like this in his embrace.

sungchan suddenly appears, a glass of water in hand as per his girlfriend’s request. he feels his chest tighten at the sight of you and wonbin having a moment. he suddenly hears you sniffling and that’s when he realized that he made you cry.

at the same time, wonbin looks up to see sungchan staring at him with wide eyes. wonbin averts his gaze back to you, rubbing your back as you hug him again. sungchan apologizes for interrupting before heading back to the cinema room.

you didn’t bother to look back at sungchan and just stayed still in wonbin’s embrace in the middle of the hallway.

when wonbin was sure that sungchan was out of earshot, he pulls away from the hug to look at your face. your tear stained cheeks and swollen eyes. eunseok might kill him on the spot if you return to the cinema room in that state

“do you want to head back or..?” wonbin starts, unsure how to ask you if you wanted to be back at the cinema room or elsewhere

“i’d rather be anywhere than be in a place where sungchan is in” you grumbled, recalling your argument in the kitchen. “let’s go to my room” you say, grabbing his hand, intertwining it with yours before heading towards your room.

you ignore that weird feeling you had in your stomach again whenever you were like this with wonbin. the feeling of warmth and comfort that he unknowingly provides you

back in the cinema room where almost everyone but yujin was passed out, sungchan hands her the cup of water she requested.

she sits up and gratefully takes the cup from sungchan.

“what took you so long?” she pouts, taking a sip of water, watching her boyfriend who seemed to be frustrated.

“got caught up with y/n and wonbin and we just had a little talk” he says, avoiding the topic.

“y/n again?” she mutters but sungchan doesn’t hear it, before putting the cup in the cup holder, “okay..” she says, dropping the topic. sungchan wasn’t in the mood to talk about it, so be it.

between the lines ★ why does it matter?

⤷ from what started as a simple arrangement to hide your feelings for a certain someone by getting into in a fake relationship soon turns into a tangled mess. in which some things are hard to tell when you can’t read between the lines

 ˗ˏˋ prev | next  ˎˊ˗

★ notes .ᐟ oops

★ taglist .ᐟ @callanton @annswwa @renjuneoo @pinkraindropsfell @lecheugo @ilovejungwonandhaechan @ahnneyong @haechansbbg @snowyseungs @sseastar-main @odxrilove @leeknowarchives @onlywonb @wonychu @leehanascent @jaeyunsb @au-ghosttype @revehosh @keilovr @kyusqult @pinkskiesdream @ether-yeol @yangasm @qwonbani @starwonb1n @ffixtionista @daegale @scrumptiousloser @seunghancore @marksluvs @wonbinfiles @ohmykwonsoonyoung @reenfluffmarshmallow

[favvn]

I love how Kirk and Lenore's first meeting goes. He is returning back to the planet with the full intent of speaking to Anton Karidian after looking into Kodos/Karidian through the ship's computer, so his plans are altered when Lenore tells him her father doesn't meet anyone personally or go to parties. He decides to charm Lenore instead. And right away, the dialogue gives a tell: "You saw Macbeth. That was my father."

Macbeth here can refer both to the play itself and the titular character in the play, the Scottish general who is told by a trio of witches he will be king, and he is so consumed by the ambition this prophecy brings, that he murders King Duncan to ascend to the throne. He and Lady Macbeth kill more people to keep their crimes secret and retain power, and the two descend into madness amidst a civil war. Does any of this seem at all familiar, perhaps, to Tarsus IV's revolution, Kodos' declaration of martial law to gain control, etc.? ("The revolution was a success [...] I was a soilder in a cause.")

And Lenore goes for a sip of her drink to stop talking. She wants this line of conversation to go nowhere, both because of her father and possibly because she is aware she has said too much. By linking her father to Macbeth, she inadvertently recalls Kodos and Tarsus IV. Remember, she knows that Kirk is a survivor of Tarsus IV, so it is in her interest to play coy and keep Anton Karidian out of the conversation. (In other words, this whole scene is a game of cat and mouse. Kirk wants to use her to get to her father, Lenore wants to kill Kirk to protect her father.)

But Kirk is the one to link her to Lady Macbeth, and rather than respond, "My name is Lenore when I am not on the stage," Lenore plays along. By coyly hiding behind the role of Lady Macbeth, she inadvertantly allows Kirk to see how the Karidians work, assuming Kirk knows his Shakespeare. (In all honesty, this dialogue is more so for the audience's benefit. Had Kirk realized it was Lenore right here, I think even Columbo himself would call bullshit. Still, picking out these details makes for a fun rewatch.)

In the play, Lady Macbeth pushes her husband to action and cleans up after his mess by killing Duncan's guards. Lenore was born after the Tarsus IV massacre so this is obviously not to say she pushed her father into a massacre, but she has decided to dispose of the survivors lest they come back to cause problems for her father. It's in this way that Lenore is like Lady Macbeth as the two women commit further crimes to hide the initial crime perpetrated by the one they love and to retain power.

These two are playing unspoken 3D chess, but this is the extent of their conversation. Awkward! Still, it is neat that Kirk ignores Lenore's opening for more information about him. He just takes her phrasing and throws it back at her and then asks a question to actually get her talking.

Regardless of Kirk's own knowledge of the play, it is still fun that after saying, "So, Lady Macbeth. Interesting," Kirk then asks, "What's your next move?" This would be akin to asking, "Who do you intend to kill next?" but since the Macbeth references are for the audience's benefit, Kirk's intended meaning is, of course, "Where will you perform next?"

Still, Lenore Karidian just gives him a look as she takes a sip of her drink, as if she understands all too well the layers behind this exchange.

It is by the end of this exchange that Lenore finally tells Kirk her name, and it is by asking how well she played the role of Lenore Karidian. The earlier exchange on the couch might have been odd, but this goes to show Lenore's willingness to play a role, even at the expense of her own life. She's no longer making nods and winks towards the theater. Her life is one long act in a play. Her killing the survivors of Tarsus IV is just as much for her own peace of mind as it is for her father at this point. (Need I remind anyone of the fate of Lady Macbeth?)

[taesancore]

the playlist i never sent

woonhak x f!reader

(𝐈𝐈𝐈) So let’s go see the stars

a/n: so pt.3 took mUch longer than i thought it would-and its not the final part either😭, anyways this one’s a little longer than usual so i hope yall like it!!

🧸.ᐟ series masterlist ❕

🧸.ᐟ genre: f2l, (idiots to lovers🤡), angstfest in this part

🧸.ᐟ warnings: angst, depictions of anxiety and similar symptoms, crying, rich people setting, kind of an emotionally insensitive mother :/, mentions of enhypen’s ni-ki, riize’s anton, seventeen’s jeonghan and dino, lmk if there are more!!

wc: 4981, lowercase intended.

“heyyy rikiii !!” you said brightly as you walked into art class. “what do you want” came the weary of your classmate and partner during art class, nishimura riki. he continued to stare at you suspiciously as you shot him a huge smile, unlike your usual snarky remarks that were a part of your usual banter. but you had to admit, you two made the best duo in art class whenever projects were assigned.

“so are you free this week” you blurted out, watching his expression turn confused.

“no…but why?” he asked. welp.

“nothing really!” you replied in that same cheery voice as you sat down next to him.

“…you’re being weird today” he eyed you as your teacher walked in.

you ignored him, furiously working your mind and thinking of other ways. riki wasn’t an option now…who else was there?

“something’s up isn’t it? tell meee” riki whined as you shushed him.

“…need a date for a business party this week” you muttered, wincing as you

“just ask woonhak” he replied as you huffed.

“he has a date on that day—“

“eh??”

you blinked at his startled exclamation.

“are you sure? but that makes no sense…” riki mumbled. he was positive that the younger boy was madly in love with you, so how on earth was he ready to go on a date with someone who wasn’t you??

you sighed.

“well it’s true so he’s out of the question…do you have anyone who’s willing to accompany me? i’ll even pay if they want!”

“you need a date?? for what?” came a voice from behind you as you jumped.

out of all the people, why did it have to be han jihoon??

“yo woonhak has a date?? who the fuck??” riki questioned jihoon before you could say anything.

“he WHAT??” jihoon squawked, making all the heads in the class turn towards him. mrs. moon sent him a little glare as she continued to silently observe the students, while jihoon muttered an apology.

“woonhak said yes?? to seowon??” he whisper yelled as riki shrugged.

“that’s what y/n said”

“is it true?” he asked you, wide eyed. you nodded as jihoon smacked his forehead.

“wait then why do you need a date? is it a double date?” jihoon questioned further, still unable to fathom the new bit of information he received. just why on earth would woonhak say yes to seowon??

“ah um…did i say date? i meant hate!! yeah i reallly hate riki you know? haha” you laughed, shoving an offended riki beside you as jihoon looked at the two of you with a skeptical gaze.

“that was a pathetic excuse you know” jihoon said bluntly as riki snorted. luckily the bell rang loudly at that moment, saving your sorry ass from replying to jihoon and defending yourself. you squeaked out a quick “goodbye!” before dashing out of the classroom, desperate to avoid any further encounters with him.

phew. god saved you with that one.

꒰ 💭 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“still didn’t find anyone?” eunchae asked softly as you two stood in line for lunch. you spent almost the entire day carefully observing your classmates to see whom you could ask. but then it would be weird to straight up go ask any of them to be your date…after all they were just your classmates!

the mere thought of walking up and asking hanjin, or maki or any of your classmates, most of whom you’ve known since elementary and middle school made you cringe, that would remain as an awkward memory forever and that was the last thing you needed amidst all the current drama.

“why just why do i end up doing these kind of things?? even my mom thinks i’ve got a boyfriend now!!” you lamented as eunchae stifled a giggle, remembering yesterday’s events that you had filled her in with the minute you entered school today.

“did i hear that right? have you really got a boyfriend now y/n?” of course your mom had to hear that. she strode towards you with a confused stare as you tried your best to mask your panic.

“that’s right mom, i figured i’d reveal him at the party itself…” you said, words flowing out of you automatically. was this how liars lied so easily? you could become a pro at this rate.

your mom did something unexpected, she beamed at you as eunbin scowled. “that’s great sweetie! i can’t wait to meet him now!” she said as you gaped at her.

now you really needed to find a date—no boyfriend.

“i think i’ll just go dateless chae” you sighed, placing an apple on your tray as the line moved forward. “and let that greaseball eunbin annoy you further? hell no” eunchae scoffed, making you wince at the thought of his smug face if you walked in dateless.

“if only you didn’t go ahead with your plan, woonhak would’ve been your date but noooo you martyred yourself!!” eunchae scolded you for the nth time, and for the first time you found yourself doubting your actions.

but martyring yourself was the best option in this case…he’d be happy with seowon.

“speaking of woonhak, i haven’t seen him all day?” eunchae wondered, missing your guilty expression that took over your face. truth was, you had been avoiding him ever since the seowon incident in the corridor as you had no idea to act around him now.

seowon being around him most of the time made it pretty easy for you, but when she wasn’t, you found yourself hiding behind walls and turning in the opposite direction whenever you saw him nearby.

you wanted to be normal truly…but now that him and seowon were making progress, you had to find a way to keep the green monster inside you at bay…even if it meant ignoring your best friend.

“woonhak? i bet he’s with seowon again, that girl can’t leave him alone to save her life” came the voice of haerin as she joined the queue.

“y/n weren’t you looking for a date?? i know someone who might be of help” she added as you perked up at this information. looks like the world didn’t hate you after all.

꒰ 💭 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“yah kim woonhak!!” hollered jihoon the minute he found his friend in the class.

“what the blazes were you thinking? you’re really going on a date with seowon??” he cried as woonhak looked away.

“she might be the dove girl jihoon…i don’t know” woonhak said half heartedly.

“and what about y/n?”

“what about her? she doesn’t like me anyways and you know that!” woonhak snapped, startling the boy next to him.

“i know okay? i know…i like her, fuck i like her so much it hurts, i wish she was the one in the mask that night, things would’ve been easier but what can i do? she’d never see me the same”

jihoon could only watch sadly as his friend hung his head low, clearly overwhelmed with the entire ordeal. clearly this was not the best time to break the news of you having a date to him as a moody and jealous woonhak was not a combination he was ready to deal with at the moment at all.

꒰ 💭 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“have you found a date yet?” mr. yoon asked you that evening as you went home from school.

“i think? i’m yet to text him though” you murmured, scrolling through the profile haerin had sent to you.

“i’m still surprised that woonhak has a date, that kid is literally in love with you” jeonghan mused as you scoffed.

you: hi is this taesan?

han taesan: yes, are you y/n?

you: yes, i’m assuming haerin told you about sunday’s event…i hope you’re free?

꒰ 💭 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

the only time han jihoon had seen his friend woonhak lose his shit was once when he accidentally deleted his entire project which he was partnered with you for, and when he heard that their senior yang jungwon had a thing for you. both the times, you were involved when he exploded and it was always jihoon who served as his emotional support.

but today? jihoon could tell he was close to losing his shit over his date, with the amount of texts seowon had been bombarding him with since yesterday but his usual signs of him normally losing his shit were…unusual today.

“so...did y/n talk to you?” he asked casually, trying to bring up a familiar and favourite topic to help him analyse why woonhak was currently expressionless as he rummaged through jihoon’s wardrobe.

“It’s been 6 days since she has—hey where’s that red jacket of your’s?”

“six days?!”

woonhak hummed as he pulled out a simple denim jacket, matching it with his outfit, one that he wore often when y/n would drag him to the cafe near her house— stop. stop thinking about her.

“anyways, forget about y/n for now, are you excited for the date??” jihoon quipped as woonhak put his phone down, unbothered to open the endless row of unread messages from seowon.

“I’m only doing this to find out if she’s the dove girl jihoon, and to return her earring of course” woonhak sighed as he turned towards his friend.

“honestly, I’d be more excited if y/n texted me right now instead of seowon” he chuckled bitterly as jihoon’s pursed his lips.

“ayo woonhak—isn’t y/n l/n your girl??” came the voice of jihoon’s brother taesan as he entered the room.

“yes—but what happened?” Jihoon questioned before woonhak could deny him

“why’d she ask me to be her date then…what a small world” taesan mumbled to himself as jihoon’s eyes widened.

“she wHAT??” if woonhak was expressionless earlier, he sure wasn’t now with his current nonplussed state as jihoon winced. what a small world indeed.

“s-so you were the date..” jihoon stuttered as woonhak turned to glare at him.

“you knew about this?? why didn’t you tell me—I’m gonna kill you han jihoon—“

“I couldn’t risk dealing with your hormonal ass if I told you?? you’ve got a date too anyways!!” jihoon cried as woonhak sputtered, still trying to fathom the news he just heard.

why would she even need a date unless—

He took in taesan’s attire, a neat blazer with shirt—a business party again.

“hyung” he spoke out as jihoon and taesan looked at him

“you can’t go with her”.

seowon: woonhak im near the ferris wheel! Are you here yet?

seowon: you must be running late, I’ll be near the carousel, ive taken cotton candy for the two of us!

seowon: it’s been half an hour already…is there a lot of traffic?

seowon: woonhak?

seowon: will you be coming today..?

꒰ 💭 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

you were a mess. and your day was going to be a mess too. and it was all taesan’s fault. the emo looking guy had bailed in the last minute and now you were back to square one: dateless.

mom is gonna kill me, you thought as you politely greeted some of your moms colleagues, trying not to visibly wince because of the tightness of the threads of your dress that were tied near your waist.

your heart was thumping loudly in your ears as you felt beads of sweat forming on your forehead. god please, now was not the time. you spotted your mother entering the ballroom of the hotel as people clad in fancy suits and dresses stopped by to chat with her. you scowled as you spotted eunbin too, hair greased back with gell and all as he smiled artificially at his father’s friends.

“y/n darling! there she is my daughter!” your mom called out, smiling widely as she beckoned you over to her work seniors.

“this is my daughter—darling where’s your date?” you gulped at her camouflaged glare and slight change in tone, which went unnoticed by the people around you.

“he’s gonna be here soon mom, don’t worry—it’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am” you simpered with a huge smile, eyes darting away from your moms as you tried to focus on anything—anything else other than her, or eunbin at that moment.

the world went blurry around you, you weren’t sure for how many minutes or seconds it lasted but once your vision cleared, you registered one of your moms colleagues—executive lee who was introducing his son to your mother.

“…graduated last year, and he’s off to yale soon, my son chanyoung!” he beamed as your mom gushed at this information. the boy—was he your senior? chanyoung looked like he’d rather be anywhere else but at the party as he sent a nervous smile at your mom who was still raving about his studies.

“that must be so exciting!! i’m sure you’d have a lovely time at yale dear, it’s so nice to see young people working so hard…if only my y/n could be like you, congratulations chanyoung!!” your mother smiled widely at him as her seniors expressed their congratulations too.

you merely laughed along at her statement, avoiding chanyoung’s sympathetic expression towards you as you ignored the familiar pang of bitterness inside you. this wasn’t anything new after all, if anything you had gotten better at masking your hurt.

“you bet he will! my son was just like you y/n dear, but look at him now!” executive lee boomed as he gave his son a mighty pat (more like a slap) to his back as he winced.

lee chanyoung looked like he was a second away from running out of the hall with the way everyone was surrounding him now; you could make out eunbin’s envy as he smoothened his jacket, while conversing with some of the other children of the businessmen in the party and shooting poor chanyoung the occasional glare.

“y/n dear where is your date? is he running late?” you didn’t miss the hint of distaste in your mom’s tone as she questioned you again, still maintaining her polite persona in front of her seniors.

“yeah, where is he y/n? did he dump you?” eunbin joined the conversation, further escalating your growing anxiety.

“don’t be silly! he’s probably stuck in traffic—it’s a sunday after all” you laughed softly, smiling lightly as your mom continued to look at you suspiciously. your vision tunnelled again as you racked through your brain for solutions, anything to escape this situation.

“are you sure? i’d be surprised if your, ah imaginary boyfriend does somehow show up” oh how badly you wished this slimeball had a mute button. some of your mom’s colleagues turned towards you two, interested in the conversation as chanyoung who was still in the group near you shot you a look of concern, the only one observant enough who noticed your tensed state.

“but hey…i’m always here in case you—“

“kim woonhak?” came a soft voice—from chanyoung as you turned around. woonhak?

“woonhak?!” your echo of disbelief attracted quite a few people’s eyes as you brought a hand to your mouth. red-faced, you bowed out apologies fervently as kim woonhak, decked in a neat black jacket with a white shirt underneath and black pants—oh wow, walked towards you with his usual smile.

“i’m so sorry i came late—mrs.l/n you look lovely as usual” woonhak greeted your mom as he gave her a bouquet of flowers. it hadn’t even been a minute and he already charmed your mom, you couldn’t believe kim woonhak. scratch that, you couldn’t believe your current situation right now seriously why is he here—

“so you’re y/n’s date?” eunbin butted in again—the urge to tape his mouth together was so strong. he eyed woonhak up and down as you glared at him.

“boyfriend actually, and you are-?”

you knew that woonhak knew who eunbin was, but that was the least of your concerns right now because

boyfriend?!

one one hand you felt like you were in a netflix drama, where the males had one of those dramatic stare offs. woonhak’s usually cheery tone was replaced with an air of coolness, a tone which was quite unfamiliar for you who had at the most, heard him whine out complaints occasionally.

on the other hand, you were frozen on spot as one of his arm went around your waist, pulling you closer to him. eunbin’s scoff drowned in the sea of the chatters from your mom and her colleagues as he strode away. but you didn’t care. your mind was floating once again and you weren’t sure if your heart was pounding from the earlier nerves or his arm around your waist now.

“i knew it—it took you two long enough didn’t it?” came chanyoung’s sly voice as he beamed at woonhak—riight he was on woonhak’s dance team, you failed to recognise it as he had dyed his hair a deep red, unlike his previous dark hair.

“anton sunbae! how’ve you been!” woonhak made his classic little woah of surprise as he in for a bro handshake.

“if yall are done with your bromance—woonhak, a word?” you tugged on his arm at the last bit as chanyoung waved a goodbye at you two.

once you pulled him outside the hall near the fountain lit garden, you faced him.

“what are you doing here?? and where’s taesan?” you burst out.

“seriously? not even a thank you?!” he scoffed, folding his arms.

“and what did you mean by boyfriend?! last time i checked we’ve been together since never!!”

“what—does the idea of being my girlfriend sound that bad??” he quoted your words from earlier, shooting you a glare that mirrored your own which was directed at him.

“i’m being serious woonhak—oh my god your date?? what are you doing here right now?!” your voice grew higher with each word as it dawned on him. right. his date.

“oh god i—no im so confused right now—why would you miss your date—how’d you find out about the party?!” you continued rambling, mind spinning as you began registering what happened. woonhak missed his date to come here? why was he here?

“why the fuck are you worrying about that date y/n—seriously is that what you’re panicking about right now?” he said incredulously as you continued to walk around in circles, the only thing going on in your mind right now was woonhak missed his date. and it’s somehow my fault.

“i swear to god—i don’t get why you didn’t tell me about today?? you didn’t have to hunt around for a date when i’m right here y/n!!” he could feel his temper rising but he didn’t care, woonhak really was feeling quite betrayed about you keeping things from him—was this why you were avoiding him?

“you’ve avoided me for a week y/n—and i don’t even know why!! and now you’re worrying about my date when i came all the way here for you??”

he finished angrily, breathing loudly as you finally stopped pacing around, freezing as you looked at him with a broken look.

“i-“

it was too much. you had successfully pissed woonhak off. your previous anxiety came crashing down as a tidal wave of emotions swept across you. it was too much, god you missed him so much but you fucked everything up. everything was too much, the past week had been hell for you and it all came crashing down as you let out a sob you had been holding in for god knows how long.

“i’m sorry—god i’m sorry woonhak, i’m so sorry”

you couldn’t keep your composure for longer, sinking onto the wet grass as tears freely trailed down your cheeks and fell on the fabric of your dress as you hung your head low.

“wait—shit, y/n—“

he made you cry. woonhak wanted to kill himself at that moment, seeing you cry because of him? fuck his temper, that stupid temper that made him lose control of his words. he wasted no time in bending down to your level as he pulled you into a hug, his hold on you was firm and tight as you sobbed your heart out into his chest.

“i’m sorry…it’s too much” you said between sobs, confusing him. he still held you, shuffling slightly so that your smaller frame was now nestled in his lap as he felt you first the back of his jacket tightly as your tears stained his shirt.

“what’s too much—y/n what aren’t you telling me?” he pleaded as you continued to let out choked out apologies while hiccuping out tears.

“can’t…breathe” you gasped between tears as he loosened his grip. huh—oh. his hands reached out to the ridiculously tight knotted satin around your waist as he pulled them out. you continued to breathe in heavily as he squeezed his eyes shut. what had he done??

“shh breathe…breathe in y/n..” he whispered as you let out another “i’m sorry”.

“no..i’m sorry y/n—fuck i didn’t mean any of it” he murmured as he lightly rocked you while gently stroking your hair.

woonhak thought his heart broke when he realised that you’d never feel the same way as he felt for you, but he was sure it physically broke today as he heard you whimper out a “please don’t get mad at me” while you trembled like a leaf in his arms. he silently vowed into the dusky skies that he’d never ever make you cry again, or he’d really die of misery.

“i’m sorry…for everything. and i missed you so much” he felt you mumble into his shirt as your breathing reduced its pace. you loosened your fists as you let go of his now crumpled jacket, small hands rested themselves on his back as you continued to sniffle lightly.

“im sorry for your date…i know i fucked it up—“

“shh. you didn’t do anything okay? i chose to come here instead and i’d do it anyday” woonhak said softly but firmly, and you knew that was the last time you’d be bringing up that topic again.

“i missed you too y’know” he murmured, resting his head above yours as he continued to comb his fingers through your strands.

the two of you sat in silence in the grass, the music from inside the hall floated softly though the garden as you began to calm down. inwardly, you didn’t want to leave the comfort of woonhak’s warm embrace, his arms felt like a second home.

reluctantly, you pulled away from his warmth and sat back on the grass as you found yourself face to face with a devastated woonhak.

“you look like a puppy who’s been kicked” you let out a watery giggle as he gaped at your change in demeanour.

“and you look like someone who’s failed at applying their mascara” he said as you let out a full blown laugh. he started laughing too as he heard you struggle to hold in your laughs and just like that, the ugly fight was forgotten.

“woonhak” you said once the two of you calmed down.

“let’s go see the stars”

꒰ 💭 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“so you’re telling me taesan is jihoon’s brother?! oh my god what are the odds?” you marvelled as woonhak snorted.

“i still don’t get why you asked him though, like hello i’m right here??”

you could hear the pout in his voice as you smiled. the two of you were currently on the roof of your house, the telescope lied abandoned as you two lied on your backs, gazing at the night sky which was freckled with stars.

“i didn’t wanna ruin your date…” you admitted slowly as woonhak turned towards you. his previously neat hair now lied messily on his forehead, tousled by the gentle night winds.

“why are you like this…always placing others ahead of yourself” he chided softly as you turned to face him too.

“i don’t like seowon like that, and i don’t think i ever will” he confessed as your brows flew up. what??

“then whom were you talking about?!”

“huh?”

“huh?” you echoed back, cursing yourself inwardly for letting that slip out.

“…anyways, don’t ever do that again..putting yourself before others, especially with me” he emphasised, eyes boring into yours.

“i’ll try” you said lightly, facing the sky again as he did the same. all you could think about right now was how the two of you watched the stars just like this at school during the ball, except this time there were no masks involved.

“you know…we did this at the ball too” woonhak chuckled softly as you stilled.

“me and the dove girl…we looked at the stars after we danced, just like this”

you kept your mouth shut as he continued to reminisce, fearing that you’d blurt out something else again if you spoke up.

“i never told you this…but she kissed me y’know” he said bashfully as he avoided your eyes.

“do you like her?” you questioned slowly as he furrowed his brows.

“nah. i don’t think i do” he said after a beat as he faced you.

“do you like someone though?” you continued, more curious than ever now that he told you that it was never seowon whom he liked.

“…i do, but she’d never like me back” woonhak said slowly. truthfully, he had no idea why he was out here confessing his secrets to you. but why did you look so sad when he said that?

no way. he needed to stop bringing his hopes up for the smallest of gestures.

“are you upset that i didn’t tell you?” he asked softly as you shook your head.

“i don’t believe that she doesn’t like you back y’know” you said, trying to conceal your previous downcast expression. and you meant it, how could anyone not like him?

“whoever she is…she’s a lucky girl woonhak, you’re a really precious person” you whispered as you moved closer to him, still looking at him in the eyes.

“really?” he asked you with a small voice.

“really.”

there was a soft expression on his face as he smiled at you, before pulling you into a tender hug. you snuggled into his warmth for the second time that night as his arms encircled your smaller frame, his faint heartbeat thudding against your ear.

“you’re a really precious person too y/n” he murmured, kissing the crown of your head silently as you hummed. and he meant it, he really did.

꒰ 💭 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“look at the two of them, god i can’t take this anymore” lee chan made a sound that was a mixture of disgust and endearment as jeonghan snickered next to him.

“i don’t think they know that we can see them” he continued, watching you and woonhak cuddle on the uneven roof of the house from below, where the car was parked. “they’re so in love it’s sickening”

“nah, they’re both so oblivious it’s sickening” jeonghan corrected as he hopped off the car’s opened boot, enjoying the fresh night breeze.

“wait— they aren’t dating?!” chan cried in disbelief, eyes darting back to the love struck teenagers on top who were now exchanging some more silent words.

“how do you not know their lore by now…” jeonghan sighed, heading back towards the car as chan prepared himself, eager to learn about the history of you and woonhak.

꒰ 💭 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“alright guys! i’ll be assigning you in pairs, please hold hands and don’t get lost in the museum!” you looked around nervously, dreading whoever your teacher was going to assign you with. middle school trips were supposed to be fun but you were terrified in the crowded museum, bustling with kids from other school younger and older than you.

“y/n and woonhak!” your teacher’s voice rang out as you raised your hand. a smiley boy caught your eye, waving happily as he ran up to you.

“hi i’m woonhak!! you’re y/n right?” you shyly avoided his eyes, hesitantly holding out your hand for him to shake it. mom always taught you that shaking someone’s hand is a sign of expressing politeness.

he shook your hand quizzically, then proceeded to hold it tightly as your group walked behind your teacher. you glanced at your hand in his, heart thumping fiercely as he smiled at you again.

“woah!! aren’t those dinosaurs?” he exclaimed excitedly when you two stopped near the prehistoric section.

“yep, they’re stegosaurus, they’re herbivores” you said softly as he turned towards you. “you like dinosaurs?”

“yeah..” you mumbled, trying to blend into the background once again as he beamed at you.

“i love dinosaurs too! what’s your favourite one??”

soon the two of you found yourselves strolling through the prehistoric section, hands still interlinked as your school group was far forgotten. he would excitedly point towards the displays of early men and prehistoric creatures as you tried to remember information about them.

“ooh they’re homo erectus! they’re one of the earliest human species” you quipped up as woonhak snickered at the name. “seriously stop” you giggled with him as you two dissolved into a fit of laughter.

“i thought i wouldn’t be able to make friends with you” he said once you two calmed down. “you’re really quiet..but you’re so cool during science class” he said shyly as your cheeks bloomed pink.

“are we..friends now then?” you asked with a small smile as he broke out into a large grin. “hell yeah we are—hey where’s mrs. shim?!”

later that evening when you two got scolded soundly by mrs. shim for wandering away in the huge museum, the two of you left her office with large smiles instead. you were thrilled at making a new friend and woonhak was overjoyed as he finally got to talk to the cool girl from his science class.

꒰ 💭 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

you had no idea how you were back in your room, or how you were now on your bed with woonhak fast asleep next to you. did he carry you down here?

you slowly got up from the bed as you tiptoed into the empty hall, the clock currently read 3:12am which meant your mom was either still at the party or on her way back.

you crept back into your room as you took in its messy state, the reason being you and eunchae hunting for the perfect dress for the party the day before. your closet was open with clothes strewn haphazardly in it—

oh my god. oh my—

your stomach lurched as you nearly zoomed towards your closet, shutting it close as you nearly gasped out for air. you stood in front of the closet with your back plastered to it, as woonhak continued to soundly sleep. had he seen it? there was no way he could’ve missed it…what if he did see it?

it wasn’t your fault, you truly didn’t expect woonhak of all people to enter your room while you were rummaging through your wardrobe the day before. yeah, he could’ve missed seeing it. maybe he did.

the only thing you could do was silently pray, that he missed the sight of your peach coloured dress you wore to the ball. despite it being hung neatly next to all the gowns you owned in the previously wide open closet, you prayed that he somehow missed it.

you didn’t want to think about the possibilities that could occur in case he did see it. you really didn’t.

a/n pt.2: yes, i had to add anton to this, blame his new hairstyle not me😓😓.once again i’m so sorry that this took so long for me to write😭😭, i’m ngl this isn’t proofread rn but i’ll get to it by tonight!! tysm for reading this and being patient with my extremely annoying uploading schedule~ :,)

🖇️: @woonagi-lemon @huhuiiiisworld @helpsplease @jmclouds @minkkumaz @woonsbot @unhakki @dearly-somber

[fae-renjun]

OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE CAMERA — h.sh

ep. 2 — audition day! [𖦹 wc: 730+]

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— leehan coughed lightly to get your attention, “huh? oh. sorry, i’m just zoned out.”

“yeah i could tell,” he replied with a laugh

you smiled and looked back down at the scripts on the desk in front of you, overwhelmed by the fact that it was finally happening, you were finally making a film. the idea of watching people act out the scenes you wrote was daunting.

“i think a couple of people are already here, should i let them in?” you looked at the digital clock above the door, the red lights on it flashed 11:49. 

"tell them to wait a bit longer, i need to um-"

"it’s ok if you’re nervous. just because it’s a college short film doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to you."

“thanks. and thanks for helping out again, i know the other three are busy for another hour but sungchan said him and his friends should be coming to help.”

“it’s no problem y/n, we’re all doing this together.” “honestly i don’t know what i would do without you guys.”

“you’d probably suffer,” he said, trying to alleviate your stress before going out to tell the people auditioning to wait longer. 

you took a deep breath. you can do this y/n. it’s just auditions. 

leehan walked back into the studio with sungchan, wonbin, eunseok and anton in tow. you greeted each other, and you thanked them for taking the time to help. “i just want to watch seunghan embarrass himself honestly,” said anton, which was met with eunseok hitting his chest so he followed up with, “-and to help. obviously.”

you laughed, “it’s ok, there’s not that much for you to do anyway, just take these scripts,” you picked up the stack from the desk and walked over to them, “and pass them around when the auditionees come in.”

before you knew it, 10 minutes had passed by, so when the clock showed 11:59, you got the boys to call the auditionees in. it was only about 10 people, some you recognised, some you didn’t. you’d made a lot of time for auditions, knowing there were people that had classes and could only show up later. what you didn’t expect was how many people would show up.

in total, 34 people auditioned for the 4 available roles. you were in for a lot of difficult decision making that night. your frontrunners for the female lead were ahn yujin from your year and kim minjeong, a senior. you definitely knew minjeong better, having hung out with her before since her and karina went to high school together. but while both played the part better than anyone in that room, yujin brought such a realistic edge to the character, it was fascinating to watch her audition because you could really feel your character come to life. 

the male lead front runners were sung hanbin and hong seunghan. you knew seunghan from a few classes you’d taken together in the past, and because he was friends with sungchan, a highschool classmate of yours. he was on the basketball team, and you’d seen a couple of games of his. you knew he was good at basketball, but you’d never expected him to be so good at acting. in many ways he felt like your character had been lifted off the page and become a real person. you were trying desperately to ignore the tiny bias in your head towards him, courtesy of the crush you’d had last semester. 

hanbin on the other hand, was vice-captain of the dance team, and was expected to take over once shotaro (the current captain) graduated. he had a natural talent for performance of all kinds, as was evident from his audition. 

needless to say, you were exhausted once the auditions were done, letting out a huge breath once everyone but your friends had left. 

“god that was fucking tiring,” said yizhuo. taesan nodded, “too many good options, but at least the bad ones were fun to watch.” you all hummed in agreement, and packed up your things in silence. 

“so, back to the apartment for decisions? i wanna get it done by tomorrow afternoon,” you said when everyone looked ready to go. “can we pick up snacks on the way?” asked leehan. you nodded in response and the 5 of you set off to you, yizhuo and karina’s shared apartment.

a/n: sorry for the delay, the main reason this chapter took so long was me procrastinating the written section lols. also! lmk if you guys want a teaser for my next smau (a wonbin one) set in the same universe 👀

tags: @billiondollarworth @nujeskz @secretiny @soobsthings @talk420 @renjuneoo @flaminghotyourmom @academiq @luffysgfforevaa1 @hwadejectedyoung @starwonb1n @onebnis @calumsfringe

© 2024 FAE-RENJUN. All Rights Reserved. Do not copy or steal any of my posts.

[whumpsday]

Weird vampire physiology and society questions, interspersed with assorted random musings!

How does their dentition differ from a human’s? Are the canines just longer and sharper, or are they thicker/larger too? Are the bottom ones similarly shaped to the top ones? Do they bite (for feeding, or for combat) with just the top ones, or all four?

Do their eye colours vary, and if so, by how much? Do some vampires have more pinkish or even purple eyes? What about orange or yellow? Are their pupils round like a human’s and get larger to adjust to light (more similar to a human), or slit more like a cat’s and get rounder to adjust to light (more adapted to the dark)? Or something else? Do their pupils reflect light like a cat’s (another dark vision adaptation)?

How would the perfect healing thing change for a vampire born with a physical genetic disability? For instance, a vampire born without a limb, or blind, or with a muscular disorder. My guess is that the vampire returns to whatever “base state” is indicated by their genetics. How does that affect the vampire’s standing in society? Since vampires heal from all injury, I’m betting there’s even more ableism than there is amongst humans. Additionally, how rare is kane’s lack of persuasion? I’m sure he’s not the only one, but based on comments in the story, it seemed like having no persuasion at all was exceedingly rare.

On a similar note, do vampires have allergies, since that’s a case of one’s immune system overreacting to something? Do vampires with allergies just get extra hungry when the wrong flowers bloom because their bodies keep needing to “heal” from random environmental factors?

What are the blood types of the human characters in k&j? Are there blood types that are generally considered “tastier” in vampire society? (Of course there would be variation, after all, not every human thinks truffle mushrooms taste all that great, but we all agree that they’re more expensive and fancier.) Kane regularly mentions jim as being especially tasty, would most vampires agree with him?

Since vampires have more sensitive noses, do they (generally) like things like incense, perfume, scented candles, etc, or do they absolutely hate it? I would assume they’d want weaker scents than humans usually do, but it would also be much easier for one to notice a funky smell in a room and want to cover it up. (Also, given how many human candle scents are based on food, especially fruit and pastries, would vampires use blood as a scent?)

Feel free to answer or ignore as many of these as you want, i love your writing and find the setting fascinating and want to know more about it

dentition - longer and sharper, prob a bit thicker but not too much. bottom teeth are basically normal for a human, maybe a bit sharper canines but no added length. they bite with the top teeth for feeding.

eye colors vary very little. they have bright red eyes, and while exact shade can have slight differences, there won't be much. eyes are round like a human's and reflect light like a cat's, as they possess a tapetum lucidum. (tapetum lucidum is my fave part of the eye, i dissected a cow eyeball in biopsych class and cows have em too, they look super weird up close and out of the eye! i would... like to dissect a vampire eyeball...)

idk the blood types of my human characters... i actually may have mentioned it before but forgot... blood type won't really be too much of a determining factor at large, though certain humans or blood types might be tastier to individual vampires, but tastes vary greatly so there's no consensus. most of kane's family (ex. anton) would agree abt jim being especially tasty, but not all vampires.

liking fragrances or not would vary from vampire to vampire. weaker scents are indeed common. kane enjoys scented candles. blood is not too common a fragrance (though it does exist), and human food smells gross to vampires so it's never used. things like florals and pine and lavender and other natural non-food scents are used, as well as some things vampires can smell that humans wouldn't even be able to.

[woneuntonzz]

what's it like to love ? 𓇢𓆸

anton lee x afab!reader (part 4/5)

• part 1

• part 2

• part 3

• part 5

warnings: cussing!

genre: fluff -`♡´- highschool love

word count: 5.3k words!!

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ description: student athlete!anton x studious class officer!reader | you swore to yourself, to you friends and even to your parents “I'm not one to easily fall.” and you thought you were that tough, not until him of course. [note!!: hiii i'd just like to quickly say that this is my first ever post ever and i'm still a bit insecure with my writing, and english is not my first language so bare with me now 🙏 open for any forms of feedback please do take note that i will take longer to update/respond to anything because of school, thank you!!! ]

[Day 14]

“You seriously aren't dating?” 

It's been over an hour since you've set yourself to finish the very last thing that you needed to complete your grades in Economics. 

You and a couple of your friends were in the library on an early Tuesday morning to finish schoolwork. You've spent the past week taking tests, conducting group presentations, finishing remaining school work, and preparing for the finals which were to be held the next day.

“No —shouldn't you be studying? I heard your class is getting a long test from Mr. Choi later.” you didn't bother drawing your eyes away from what you were doing hoping that they would stop pestering you with the unnecessary questions.

“That's not a problem to me, so stop changing the topic. Tell us what's going on between you and the swimmer guy, you two are always together nowadays 's so hard to miss now.” you stopped and stared at the paper you've been working on, giving Liz a quick glance.

“He likes me.” These words slip past your mouth like it's been resting at the back of your tongue. 

”And?” you sighed at Liz's urges and pursed your lips, trying to find the words to explain everything.

“I haven't reciprocated.” your response was very subtle but your tone indicated hesitance.

“For real? Well, how do you feel about Anton?” Liz's question made everyone take a pause on what they were doing, they were all eyes and ears for you.

“Anton —he's very sweet, and he cares about me, like, a lot. And you know how I've been bothered by him ignoring me for like, months? I just suddenly became interested in befriending him, even just a little bit —but, yeah, that happened. I don't get why it bothered me so much that it got to a point of him confessing out of the blue, does this mean I like him too?” Your eyes lingered on the empty space on the table you occupied.

Your friends exchanged worried looks, unsure of how to help you. 

“I mean, you were mainly worried that he hated you, right?” you weakly nodded at Danielle. “Normally you wouldn't really care about that stuff, at least since last year, so looking at it now it seems like your fixation on Anton must mean something.”

You sighed, averting your eyes from the table and staring on the floor below you as you started to think. Because of something that happened back then, I just stopped caring for anyone with a negative sentiment towards me. I didn't care when that girl I swore to the heavens I loved suddenly stopped caring about me just because of a stupid rumor, I didn't care when people started giving me glares, whispering to themselves when I passed by, I didn't care when I saw the screenshots from group chats that talked shit about me and my friends. I just didn't care, but what made me care for him? —you started to reflect on your feelings and actions for the past year. 

“I'll be fine!” The sudden shift of tone and the smile that sprang forth your lips shocked your friends.

“You sure? We're really worried, you know.” Liz held your free hand and caressed it with her thumb. 

“Yeah, I think I got it.” you heartily smiled at both Liz and Danielle to reassure them.

Danielle went to give you a warm embrace whilst Liz had her arm wrapped around your shoulders, giving you a light squeeze. 

In all honesty, even you didn't know what you meant by "I think I got it.”. What was the next move? Just go with the flow —you repeated in your mind, allowing yourself to be receptive as the next few hours flew by.

————— ୨୧ —————

Anton sat next to you in the classroom with a very few others, those including you who chose to stay back for lunch to finish the workload. 

Both you and Anton were busy with something, with you assisting him every now and then since he had a lot more to work on. 

Despite the very heavy atmosphere brought in by the stress from school, you and Anton appeared to be marveling in your own little world, sifting through paperwork with such radiant expressions embedded on your faces. 

“How should I design this?” Anton held up his unfinished project.

You turned to face him, crossing your legs and holding your chin to imitate enthusiasm. “You know what it needs?”  

“Please don't say Barney the Purple Dinosaur, that… thing… It terrifies me.” Anton shimmied his shoulders to express his supposed fear.

“WHAT? He's cute!” you pressed on him, making him breathe out a laugh.

“So you're saying Barney looks like you?” your eyebrows nearly touched from what he had just said.

“Excuse me? Do I look purple to you?” you jabbed at him with 'threatening' eyes. 

“No, what I mean is, if he's really cute as you claim, he should at least resemble you.” Anton calmly explained.

His zealous explanation made you chortle. He was immersed in your laughter, your voice, your eyes that disappeared as you chortled on, and the corners of your lips that rose higher and higher, because of him.

“Oh, so I'm your basis for what you classify as cute?” you breathlessly spoke, still trying to recover from your disoriented state.

“Well, yeah! look at you…” he cupped your face in his hands, gently squishing your cheeks.

His eyes went from your lips to your eyes after you had gone completely quiet. Your eyes meet each other, stuck perfectly as if binded by glue. He delved into the pools of your eyes, trying to capture what it is you're trying to tell him with your stare.

“Anton.” Your serene voice made Anton blink.

“Yeah?” he whispered back.

“Can you give me a little more time?” he breathes in after hearing your question, but you spoke again before he could utter a response. “To think about… us.”

Your face was still in his hands. He started softly brushing his thumb against the skin of your cheeks. “Of course. I'm sorry, am I moving too fast?”

“No.” but I'm falling too fast —you were only able to finish your sentence in your mind, still afraid to admit your feelings.

You were still quite unsure. You were still afraid that things would end up the same way it did for you past 'relationships', you were already thinking about the plausible downfall before anything had even started.

————— ୨୧ —————

The bell rang, students scurried out of the building, being chased by the obligation to study for the exams tomorrow day. 

“Don't message me tonight okay? Both you and I have A LOT to study.” you iterate to the guy walking beside you.

“Yep. I'll be crying over chemistry… if you even cared.” you playfully rolled your eyes at his humorous cry.

When you stepped out of the school gates, you were expecting him to wave goodbye and walk the other way, but then after being about a meter away from school, you stopped in your tracks.

“Why are you still with me? isn't your house the other way?” you furrowed your brows as you looked at him.

“You're crazy for real, my house is literally in the same direction as yours, keep walking luv.” Anton placed his hand on the area below the back of your neck, lightly pushing you to continue your steps.

“Wait, really? you've always walked the other way…” at this point you were just questioning everything and you already had a lot on your mind considering the exams.

“I visit the record store nearby before going home.” you simply nodded at Anton for his clarification.

“Why?” you asked to which he shrugged.

“I like it there. It's peaceful, it's vintage, the music is fire, and the owner is very nice.” it was true that he often visited that place before he went home, but not everyday, what wasn't a fact is that his home is actually in the same direction as yours. “I can take you there some time when you're free.”

“I'd love that.” you utter, smiling to yourself, keeping your eyes on the vamp of your shoes.

You two kept walking till you reached the gates to your house and the sun was just about to fall.

“I never knew you lived just right ahead.” you were unlocking the gate when the words fell off your lips. 

“Are there no people inside to open the gate for you?” you swung the gate open and looked at Anton whose eyes lingered on your bedroom window on the second storey of the house.

“My dad's abroad, my mom's at work.” you shake your head away from the gloomy thoughts, smiling up at Anton. 

He smiled back, subtly biting down on his bottom lip. 

“Get home safely Tonii.” there was a glint in Anton's eyes when they enlarged in a modicum. 

“Uh —Oh, yeah, you too.” Your laughter filled his ears and soon enough he cracked up as well.

“What do you mean 'you too'?” At this point, you're just breathing out your words. “I'm literally at home right now!”

“You never know, Barney might be right behind the door to kidnap you…” Anton eyed the door of your house, his actions gave you the creeps and the thought that an intruder might actually be inside your house waiting for you flashes in your mind.

“Ow!” you hit Anton's chest, but still, he laughed. 

“Go home! you didn't have to give me anxiety you know!” Anton chuckled once again looking down on you who was looking up at him and pointing at his face, acting menacing in jest.

“Go inside your house first, what will happen then if I left and Barney ends up kidnapping and eating you alive huh?” you both had pursed lips in an attempt to suppress a laugh.

“Okay, okay. I'll go in.” When the two of you finally calmed yourselves down, you walked to the doorstep of your house.

You had the door wide open, just enough for Anton to catch a glimpse of your humble home. You stood by the door, already inside the house. “Message me when you get home, will you?” you asked eagerly, just loud enough for Anton to hear you despite the distance.

“I will.” Anton replied, matching your volume.

He waved at you as a smile crept up to his face. 

His smile somehow caused you to feel some kind of current coursing through your entire body. You had to defy the urge to just walk right back to Anton to make him feel what you felt as your eyes traced the curve that gradually formed on his lips.

He kept his smile as he started to slowly disappear from your sight. You were so smitten that you failed to notice that he walked back to the direction where you came from. 

————— ୨୧ —————

About an hour has passed, and the message you'd been waiting for since you've had yourself settled at your study table is yet to come. 

You've been flipping over your notes, sequentially staring at every word delineated with different color variations of highlights. 

Maybe he forgot, he must've gotten really tired… —you began to think of a thousand reasons why he hasn't messaged you yet. You exhaled heavily, laying your head on your forearm resting on your study table. You shifted your head to the side and eyed your phone. You were pondering on just grabbing it and asking him where he was and why hasn't he messaged you yet. 

You sat up with both hands at the sides of your head. After a few minutes of resisting and a long blink, you finally gave in.

Anton just got off the bus when he felt his phone vibrating in his hands. His eyes went bulging out of its socket when he saw your name.

Anton couldn't help but beam at the little nickname you gave him but he quickly gathered his thoughts and gulped, glancing at the quiet street of their neighborhood. He couldn't stand making up a nonsensical excuse that you'll eventually dissect within seconds, he didn't want you to think that he doesn't really care or that he forgot, that he got too tired. It wouldn't make sense for him not to speak or be with you even if he's exhausted to the core, he could only be in repose with you after all.

A downturned smile formed on Anton's lips. He made great effort every time he intended to flirt with you, and he was aware when you flirted back, he just wasn't certain if you meant any of them. He surely meant every endearment, often masking them with his little quips. He didn't want to think you were just frivolling with him and he's quite abashed with even having to take a second to think about it.

He felt his phone vibrate in his hands again, this time you were calling. He picked up almost immediately, and you were met with the ceiling of his room.

“Nice wall.” you uttered.

“It's the ceiling.” he was chuckling out of frame 

He had his phone set up on his desk and you could see his medals and trophies at the background, and his cello. You were eager to ask him about his cello, ask him to play you something, and maybe even teach you. You cleared your throat as you cleared out your thoughts.  

Anton sat down on his desk chair facing his phone —facing you.

“Where are the others?” Anton asked as he watched you blurt down what you were studying.

“Oh, they backed out.” your tone was nonchalant and your head hung low, pouring all your attention to blurting, or at least you were trying to.

“Really?” he was almost laughing and you heard it, making your left brow rise.

“Mhmm~” you hummed back.

“You sure it's not because you wanted to talk to me?” Anton's tone sent shivers down your spine. 

He sounded calmer, and a lot more alluding, so much so that you had to stop and stare at your notebook for a while to calm your mind and give it some space to process what to reply.

“Maybe —Well, yeah, I guess, but I called you to study.” your voice took after his making him feel assured. 

Despite the soporific air in his room which he inhaled, he was wide awake, wanting to just hear you talk on and on and on again. His yearnings were answered not long after.

“And I guess I wanted to… hear your voice —again.” your figure remained placid in his eyes, but deep inside, your heart pounded like a whole planet of people marching together. 

“Really?” somehow his voice became a lot lower, while still having a comforting and peaceful cadence.

“Mhmm~” your hum, this time, was a lot more mellow. It filled his ears and it got stuck in his head like a song that he almost hummed too.

“Everything about you is so, so beautiful.” your heartbeat persisted.

You looked up to your phone to see him, and there he was, giving you the same smile he left you as he stood by the gates of your home. How could you not smile back? in a matter of seconds, you shied away from his stare, looking back down on the paper that you've almost forsaken. 

“Hey —uh —let's have this talk some other time. There's still a lot to study, especially for you.” Anton could hear the frailty trying to break out of your voice.

He chuckled spurring your attempts to calm your heart down to fall short. “Okay, lovely.”

Your head fell right onto your desk, producing a loud thud.

“Y/n? you okay?” your sudden action stunned him.

“Yeah, yeah, i'm fine! let's just study, please!” you pleaded as you lifted your head back up.

You just had no idea that his heartbeat was in sync with yours. He just wanted to be by your side again. He didn't want the call to end just yet, he loved hearing your voice, but at the same time he couldn't wait for the next day to come so he could admire you closely and marvel in your presence.

————— ୨୧ —————

[Day 17]

Finals have come to an end. Some tests were easier than others, but you were confident, you were gonna be in the Top 5 of the ranks. You felt particularly good during those 3 days of absolute mind torture. Within those 3 nights, you and Anton have been having your study calls. You would both study the whole time, while also fighting to make the other blush more than yourselves. 

It's a cloudy Sunday morning, you could tell it was cloudy since the sun has yet to peek at you at the time it normally would. You had just woken up from a good night's sleep and felt very relaxed that you had nothing to worry about anymore. No pending schoolworks, no group projects and presentations, no more quizzes and exams, and most importantly, no more school for a few short months. 

Once that long awaited break greets you and pats you on the back, all you'll have to do is brace yourself for your senior year, your final year. You've been thinking really hard on what course to take and all you've ever been is nothing but unsure even with the pressure of having only a year left to figure it out.

You got your phone from your bedside table, and without checking it, you headed downstairs. 

“Hey, hun', your grandpa asked if you wanted to come over and visit, we'll only be there till dinner.” your mom asked as she eyed your figure that slowly descended from the stairs. “Your grandpa is having some visitors if you don't mind.”

You lightly smiled at your mom and nodded. 

It's been a while since you've paid a visit to your grandfather's haven —as you'd like to call it. He owned a huge flower field, filled with flowers that he and his family adored. Your grandfather loved seeing people with mouths hang open, admiring the beauty, the work, and the thought put into this field. He could've capitalized on it, but he didn't. He made a gateway and a stone path through the field, and anyone could go in and out. He always watched, to make sure that no one would ruin his beloved flowers, but for the most part he just wanted to see the appreciative nature of mankind towards such beautiful beings.

In the car ride to your grandpa's, your mom would ask you about everything that's been happening for the past few months. It's been quite a while since the two of you had an actual conversation. It was a great relief that your mom missed you as much as you missed her, where every night when you hear the sound of her parking the car in the garage, you couldn't bring yourself to get up anymore and greet her. It would be too late in the night for you to be up and it would worry her, so you would just lay there and you would see her with only the moonlight shining down on her, and she would caress your hair and leave once she's assured that you've been sleeping well.

After some catching up with your mom, you finally arrived at your grandpa's. He welcomed the two of you with a warm and wide smile spread across his face. He smelled like a pie of mixed fruits, which could only mean one thing. 

“These visitors, they want to buy my field.” both you and your mom went wide-eyed from his words.

“You said yes?” your mom's hand reached for her dad's forearm, keeping it there.

“Well, not yet.” your grandfather scratched the back of his neck when your mom let out a loud sigh.

“Well, grandpa, if you can refuse it, you definitely should. That's your gift for grandma for her last birthday, and she's looking over it from the heavens. Who knows what these visitors would do with these fields. They might clear out all the flowers and build a factory for all we know!” your grandpa looked at you with contrite eyes.

“I know, I know, but they've really been pushing me for almost 8 months now! I was hoping we could talk it out through dinner.” you had so much trust in your grandfather, and you knew he could resolve this, you knew he would never give up the field, even for his own life. “And maybe you'd like their son too.”

The worry painted on your face was diminished within seconds. 

“Dad!” your mom lightly hit his shoulder with the hand that used to rest on his forearm.

“What?” your grandpa seemed to be a little too indifferent with the situation he'd put you in and it made you a bit upset.

“Did you set her up with the son!?” your mom had a firm grip on his shoulder now, slightly shaking him as she spoke.

“I guess so.” your mom sighed even heavier than earlier. “Their son is a good guy! He's a bit timid, but he was tall! really tall… and I believe he plays basketball —or was it football? I can't really remember, but—”

“It's fine.” you blurted out, arms crossed and gloomy eyes pinned to the floor. 

“I'm sorry my little tulip. I shouldn't have. You don't have to, okay? I'll try my best to convince them with my words and cooking alone, and if it doesn't work, then, I don't really know what to do —but you can just settle, okay?” your grandpa placed a hand on top of your head and gave it a gentle pat.

You could only nod and give him a weak smile. You loved the field, it's the only fragment of your grandmother that you'll be able to keep till your last breath. When you were born, it's been over a decade since your grandmother had passed. You had never been in her presence, but in the fields, you could catch a glimpse of her amidst the clouds, smiling down at you.

Before you knew it, the night would fall. You made sure you looked proper, still staying true to your words that you were not there to impress anybody. 

You helped your mom with setting up the dining table. When the bottom of the glass pitcher you held touched the table, you heard your grandpa say “Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Lee! —oh, and hello to you too young man!”.

You sighed, but then you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned your head and was met with your mom's reassuring smile. “Nothing's going to be sold, and no one's going to be forced into anything, okay?” she says softly, before making her way into the living room to greet the guests as well.

Her words made you feel at ease, the heavy feelings that slowly weighed down on you started to dwindle.

Put away the cloth you used to handle the pitcher, and you could hear your mom, grandpa and the guests coming into the kitchen. 

“Oh, and that's my granddaughter Y/n. She's very smart, and she can sing too!” you suppress a laugh from hearing your grandpa's proud tone.

You turned around, and your mind went spiraling. It seemed out of the blue, a very peculiar instance. Perhaps this was entirely by chance as this was never a part of your wishes and prayers. 

“Y/n y/s/n?” you tensely nod at who you could only guess as the mother of the family. 

“You know my granddaughter?” your grandfather tilted himself to the side out of curiosity.

“Hmm, yes. We know her very well. She's known for being one of the top students in their school, in fact, she's helped our son a lot with his schoolworks since he had a lot to catch up on.” the mom gave you a warm smile after her sentence.

“Our son is very thankful. We hear your name quite a lot and we've really been wanting to meet you.” This time, it was the dad who spoke.

Your lips quivered. You're just simply at a loss for words. 

Everyone was sitting on the dining table, and there he was, sitting across from you. 

“Oh, I thought you were a basketball player because of how tall you are! good for you! I feel like being a swimmer is a lot cooler!” your grandfather would excitedly exclaim somewhere in the adults' conversation.

You and him never bothered to join in unless you were asked. 

Once again, being in your own little world, when the adults had gone to the living room to talk, the two of you went to the flower fields.

“This place is surreal.” you barely believe that you were hearing the same mellow voice that you could never seem to get off your head again after a while.

“Yeah? just imagine how it would look under the light of day.” you crouched down to touch one of zinnias. 

You felt his lofty figure crouch down next to you. 

“I missed you, you know. My parents tricked me into coming here. I just said I wanted to see this field, but when we got close they told me they wanted me to meet the field owner's daughter. It was like they were implying that I get no bitches.” you couldn't help but laugh at him.

You turned yourself around and carefully sat yourself on the stone path with your knees bent towards your body. You could feel some of the flowers tickling your back making you giggle softly as you looked into his eyes.

“I missed you too Tonii.” he gave you a smile as bright as the moon above.

You both looked up to the sky and admired the stars, and the crescent moon. 

“It was so cloudy this morning. I can't believe this sight would be possible.” your voice was very gentle, still admiring the night sky.

Anton looked into your shimmering eyes. He could see the reflection of the moon greeting him. It was telling him something. He was so mesmerized by you that he wouldn't even realize that you were already staring back at him.

“It's kind of funny, you know? it's like the universe was taunting us, telling us we're gonna meet another romance that was not each other, but in the end it's still us.” you tilted your head, trying to see through Anton's entrancing gaze.

“I like you too Anton.”

Despite the cold air of the night, heat traveled throughout your entire body as you watched his eyes grow larger.

“Am I hearing things? Y/n? Y/n are you there?” you released a hearty laugh and hit his chest playfully.

You allowed your hand to rest there, and you could feel his rapid heartbeat that went at the same pace as yours. It wouldn't take long until you were both staring into each other again, and at the same time, at the same speed, your eyes would shift to each other's lips, and they would meet eventually. You wrapped your arms around his neck when he had placed a hand to support your back as he leaned in closer, and closer.

“Y/n? Anton? Where are you?” you two would hurriedly stand up from where you were when you heard your grandpa's calls.

You glanced at each other's flushed faces before a flashlight shone right onto your faces.

“Oh, there you are. Well, Anton and his parents will be leaving now.” Your grandpa gave Anton a big smile, signaling with his hands for Anton to come back to the house.

You walked back side by side with your hands latched onto one another. 

You two were met with silent stares when you entered the house with linked hands. You two would let go from each other and Anton would go stand next to his parents.

“We'd like to thank you for the wonderful meal, we really do appreciate it.” Anton's mom shook hands with your grandfather, and would give your mom a hug.

She went up to you and hugged you as well, a little bit longer than you expected. 

————— ୨୧ —————

When you got home, you had asked Anton if you could give him a call since your time earlier was cut short. He immediately said yes and you two would be on facetime again, this time with no books or notebooks, not seated at your desks. You were both just lying on your beds with your phones in hand. 

“Wait, you like me too?” Anton had been asking the same question for the past 6 minutes

“Yes!” you laughed.

He just couldn't believe it. You couldn't believe him either. You've been thinking about it ever since day 1, it was just now when you realized that you did feel the same.

“Are we like g-f and b-f now?” he places a hand over his mouth acting like a shy toddler.

“Ew, don't say it like that!” He ended up laughing too.

“Okay!” his laughter would fall to an abrupt stop and it would go silent for a while that you almost asked him if he was still there. “But seriously, what are we?”

“Well, we feel the same. Couples become couples because of reciprocated feelings. Now put two and two together.” you made little hand gestures as you spoke, and he just smiled, but deep inside he was awestruck, still finding everything unbelievable.

“We're… we're together now holy shit.” you couldn't help a gasp from escaping your mouth. You've never heard him cuss so heavily before, it sounded harmless —well of course, he's Anton— but it was so foreign to you that you just bursted out laughing.

The two of you talked and laughed throughout the night, and when the clock ticked at 12, you two had to say goodbye.

“Good night Tonii.” you yawned, making Anton expel a chuckle. “Can't you stop laughing at everything?”

“I should be the one saying that to you, but anyways, I just think you're so adorable, leave me alone.” his last words were muffled as he hid the bottom half of his face under the covers. “Good night lovely. See you again tomorrow.”

Tomorrow was another day, and a very great one as it turns out. Suddenly you two weren't hiding the fact that you two would hold hands and were always just centimeters away from touching noses. Your friends and Anton's alike didn't seem to be surprised at all, they were more likely relieved that the two of you finally came to a conclusion to what they thought shouldn't take too long. After all, the painfully obvious mutual feelings you shared were so strong that your friends and he would have distorted faces by the end of observing you two. But now, the clock is finally set.

“So you're saying, your grandfather spent almost a half of his life on that flower field, and it would be his final and greatest gift to your grandma?” you hummed an affirmation at Anton's query. “Woah.”

“The commitment made me believe that there is indeed true love.” you said in a very dramatic tone, looking off into the distance. 

“I can do that for you too.” he took great offense from you laughing at his face. “I'm not kidding!”

“I mean, it,'s not that I don't think you can or would, you don't really have to. There's a lot more ways you can express your feelings, my grandpa just happens to be a very hard-working man who appreciates the smallest of the small things in life.” Anton just loved it when you got so immersed with explaining.

“It's love.” he blurts out.

“Yeah. Love.” 

Love drives us to do the unthinkable, the perceptively impossible. Love is complex, but you would know it when you feel it, you would know when you've found it. And it is when love is exchanged unconditionally that life begins to finally be as fulfilling as they claim it to be in books and movies.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

[beomqu]

Front Row - (smau)

(wc: 1775)

"It's going to be fine y/n, I promise you," as Giselle drove the car, she tried to calm you down, but it was a hard job with Anton sitting next to you, teasing you throughout the ride. Luckily, the drive wasn't long, and the practice was in front of Jisung's place, where they mostly hang out.

The place wasn't hard to find, as there was a pretty big group of people, mostly girls, crowding the street. You could also easily spot Jaemin, as he was in the middle of the girls' circle, so you weren't going to just walk up to him.

Everyone got out of the car, and Giselle tried to soothe you with her words once again, reassuring you about the situation, knowing that you can easily overthink.

"I don't think this was a good idea," you spoke while she hugged you, "Y/n, we've already been over this," she pulled away and rolled her eyes with a smile, "It's not that big of a deal, you live here. If he has something to say, he can, but I promise you that just means he is not worth your time."

"He wouldn't be wrong for thinking you're weird, though," Anton said as he walked up to you, making Giselle shoot him a side eye.

"You can lie and say you're here because of Jaemin," interrupted Karina right as Anton finished talking, "They know you're friends," You nodded your head, thanking your girlfriends for helping you calm down, and you walked right by Anton, making him chuckle.

As you guys approached closer to the crowd, Jaemin noticed you and slipped past all the girls.

"They're starting soon, you can see them rearranging some stuff over there," he explained as he pointed to the crowd, "Well, if you could see," he grabbed your arm and, ignoring everyone, pulled you into the crowd.

"What the hell-" you looked back at the others, starting to get nervous again, Jaemin is really praying for your downfall, "It was completely fine from there, Jaem," you panickedly tried to free yourself from his grasp, but by the time you succeeded, he had already pulled you to the front of the crowd. To your luck, Jeno noticed Jaemin and walked over to where you stood, but he didn't notice you at first.

"Thanks bro again, this is the biggest crowd we've had," Jeno said to Jaemin, then looking down at you, "Oh, hi y/n, didn't know you were coming too," you were surprised he remembered your name, so you took a bit of time before you collected yourself enough to reply to him, "Jaemin dragged me along," you smiled at him, "But you know, I don't mind it at all," you looked over at Jaemin for help, but he was already talking to other people, forcing you to have a conversation with Jeno on your own.

"And, how long have you known Jaemin?" you shot your eyes back at Jeno, already getting ready to embarrass yourself, "Since like middle school, I think, but sometimes I wonder if I even know him at all," you crossed your arms as you told him, eyes fluttering to the rest of the band members, "I didn't know he had a roommate until the other day,"

"Yeah, he's weird..." the conversation was okay until you couldn't reply to him anymore and stuttered some words out, "Yeah, but I'd rather hang out with him than study, that's why he's over so often," while you talked, Jeno grabbed his bass guitar and put the band over his shoulder, letting the instrument hang in front of his torso, "I got this one class that I just can't handle, I regret picking it up so much, the teacher, I don't know if you know her, Professor Smith, I do not like her," you started your rant, making Jeno widen his eyes, "Wait, I think I know who you're talking about, I don't like her either!"

"Do we go to the same class?" you questioned after hearing his reply, "Wednesday third period?" he asked, making you nod your head, "I have another third period with her on Friday too, sadly,"

You continued talking with Jeno for longer, getting to know him just a bit more. It turns out you also take the same bus to campus, and you weren't as awkward as you expected yourself to be.

Jisung called over Jeno, making him say bye to you before he stepped back to where the rest of NCT stood. Jaemin turned back to you just before the boys started their practice.

"Why did you leave me alone with Jeno, you're so mean," you scolded Jaemin, but he ignored you as he took his phone out to take videos of them.

Mark started playing the guitar, making your eyes dart to him, you wanted to stare at him for as long as this practice lasted, but you didn't want to make him uncomfortable, and you also tried to avoid his attention on you anyway, so you tried focusing on the other guys. Haechan was still warming up his voice, but everyone was looking at him. You heard the girls next to Jaemin snicker about him, and how hot they think he is.

They played one of their songs, and after everyone cheered for them, everyone walked to the side, leaving their instruments on the spot besides Mark. He did tweet about a surprise, and you couldn't help but wonder if it would happen now.

He played a couple chords, before stepping to the mic and starting to play a song. You looked off to the side, seeing Jeno cheering Mark on while Jisung sat on the sidewalk with his phone in his hand, probably playing something.

Mark continued his performance, completely taking your attention. The way his fingers played the strings and how his voice sounded made you amazed. You didn't know he could sing too.

Sadly, you weren't the only one who noticed him, people around you started whispering again, this time prasing Mark, making Jaemin shush them.

"Stop talking; I can't hear him," he told the girls next to him, then he turned to you and showed you a thumbs up.

He stopped playing his guitar and coughed in the mic, a bit embarrassed after only playing on his own, "For now, you only get this, on our next concert, you can hear the rest," he smiled before he walked back to his previous spot and called over the others. You clapped loudly for him, but you were sure you blended into the crowd.

As NCT started another practice of one of their songs, Giselle caught up to you from behind.

"I wanted to see it as well," she whispered to you, "Karina and Anton?"

"Anton made friends with Jisung while your boyfriend sang, Karina, I don't know," Giselle whispered back, "Stop talking, I'm trying to record you a good video y/n," you ignored Jaemin and immediately looked to where you last saw the drummer sitting. To your surprise, Anton was now there, also on his phone and probably playing, "I bet you they played Roblox." you agreed with a smile, knowing how much Anton plays roblox, always asking you to hop on and play dress to impress with him.

For the rest of the practice, you watched Mark occasionally, hoping not to get noticed staring at him and once again weirding him out.

"You're going to walk up to him after this," Giselle said between claps, making you turn to her wide eyed, "Hell no,"

Even to your protest after they said bye to the people and started packing up, Giselle walked you to them and said, "I'm going to sabotage myself; please don't do this to me..." she pulled you with her, stopping exactly in front of Mark. Oh, she wanted you dead today.

"Oh, hey!" Mark said as he pulled the guitar band over his head and put it next to him on the stand for it, "Hi, Mark," you turned to Giselle, already failing at thinking of something to tell him, "I'm Giselle, hi, we were here for the practice, Jaemin invited us and just wanted to tell how you guys were so cool, right?" she looked back at you, encouraging you with her eyes. She is right; this is not a big deal, but you can't help but feel nervous.

"Nice to meet you, and thanks so much, but this was just a little practice, we were a mess, honestly," he smiled at you both, "Jaemin didn't say you were coming too, but I'm glad you guys did," Mark turned to you, "You're our first fans after all, but thanks to Jaemin, a lot of people showed up today," he rubbed the back of his neck as he explained.

"Honestly, we are not sure if this is going to continue, but today was nice. I told you already we don't have any schedules, and it's hard to get one," he continued, making you sad a little. They genuinely look like they enjoy what they're doing, and it would be sad if they stopped doing it because people didn't care about them.

"Isn't student day coming up at college?" you suddenly thought of something, "Everyone checks it out at campus, couldn't you talk to the principal or someone and ask for a concert?" Mark widened his eyes at your words, "In front of the whole campus?" he questioned while Giselle's turned to you, nodding her head, "I think I can talk to someone about that at the council," as you and Giselle discussed the idea, Mark shook his hands, "Oh, I can't ask you for that," you could see the excitement in his eyes, he was just being polite, "Come on, it's not a favor; everyone would love it,"

He thought for a moment, but his lips curled into a small smile, "We are really desperate, though... It would help a lot," he shot you and Giselle a grateful look, "I didn't know we go to the same school! Then talking about the details won't be hard,"

Mark seemed genuinely thankful to both you and Giselle, and because of this, you couldn't stop smiling. You hope, after this, you'll make a better impression on him.

"I can give you my number in case of anything?" Mark suggested, making Giselle immediately respond, "Give it to y/n, she's easier to reach out to," he nodded in response and reached his hand out for your phone.

You gulped hard as you handed him your phone. There was no way Mark was going to give you his number, and now you can talk with him whenever you want to. Well, obviously not so casually yet, but this was a great start.

10. Open practice #2 part 2

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taglist: @multifandomania @dudekiss3r @nosungluv @candied-czennie @morkiee @nctrawberries

[sehodreams]

babytrapping with anton 🫡

I love the concept but Idk about my ideas, I hope you find at least one of them interesting 🥺

TW and tags: cheating, dark!riize, baby trapping, mentions of breeding kink, angry sex, love bombing, female reader.

I was thinking first of him being with an older reader, already in a long relationship but still stucked in the "girlfriend/boyfriend" fase because he ignored you everytime you brought the marriage topic, and then after time, when your relationship was getting more and more cold, and you, almost pushing your thirties, you decided to lure him into having sex in one occasion, telling him how you were tired of taking your birth control and not being touched at all, and he, tired of your nagging, decides to fuck you just so you'd shut up, cumming inside without any worry. The sex was cold and ruthless, almost like a punishment, when you tried to tell him how much you missed his touch and moaned his name, he got disgusted with the sound of your voice, putting his fingers inside your mouth and fucking your insides harder, "shut up, shut up, always fucking talking" he said, and when you tried to say his name again, almost cumming, and he recognized the pleasure in your voice, he made you turn around, fucking you hard into the mattress, face down, pushing your face against apillow to muffle your moans and to not watch your face, cumming just to end the night and go to sleep, saying that he was too tired. Then, five months later, when he was about to leave you, you showed him the ultrasound, so he had no option but to marry you.

The second idea I had was you being his side girl, he living happily in a public relationship you didn't know he had until you were almost a year together. His girlfriend was an idol and they were accepted by the media, always seeing their faces all over the news, not letting you have peace a single day, and everytime you told him how uncomfortable you were he replied the same way "it's just for publicity, you know you're the one I love". You, fool in love, believed him. Then, one day, tired of being humiliated by the people you knew, friends and family, you decided that, if he wasn't gonna end that relationship, you were gonna make him do it. He came to your house, as fresh as always, bringing you gifts and your typical flowers. You received him with a smile and had a lovely night together, he kissing you and saying how much he missed you, "your pussy is the only one who can take me like this, my girl", and you let him use you as much as he wanted, like always. Here, you didn't even have to lie to him, he always liked to cum inside and then push it with his fingers so not a single drop of it left, so you didn't lie, you just kept in secret that you were no longer taking your birth control, and he didn't ask, so it was his fault too, right? He had no option but to end his public relationship, that it was never a publicity tactic, and go with you to fulfill his role as a father, a sweet and kind father, but never a sweet and kind lover again.

[whumpy-wyrms]

Dew’s birthday was a little while ago so i’m super late but i spent a lot of time on this (for some reason? it was supposed to be a small doodle but i went a bit overboard) and i didn’t wanna wait until i write the birthday chapter to post this sooo i’m posting it now :3

when the. when the whumper is super fucked up and fine with experimenting on the unwilling human test subject he keeps captive, but draws the line at ignoring said test subject’s birthday:

happy birthday Dew! i’m super late but whatever hehehe oops who cares

Anton’s silliness in this moment causes him to be completely unaware of Dew’s sadness distress and extreme homesickness and how much he misses his friends and wants to be celebrating with them :( but Anton at least gave him a chocolate cake so it’s fine actually :3 and lots and lots of cookies

also Dew’s hair is longer here because he’s spent like 2 and a half months in captivity without a haircut unfortunately

the snake’s name is Sasha and they will be introduced next chapter

what’s in the present? you’ll have to wait and seeee

[the-rewatch-rewind]

An old movie with a very relevant name.

Script below the break.

Hello and welcome back to The Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies over the last 20 years. Today I will be discussing number 14 on my list: MGM’s 1944 psychological thriller Gaslight, directed by George Cukor, written by John Van Druten, Walter Reisch, and John L Balderston, based on the play by Patrick Hamilton, and starring Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, and Joseph Cotten.

So first of all, if you’re thinking, “Gaslight? As in, to deny someone’s reality to the point that they can no longer trust their own perceptions?” then, yes, you’re absolutely correct: this movie (and the play it’s based on and the 1940 British film it’s a remake of) is where that term comes from. So I’m just going to give a blanket content warning for this whole episode: I will be talking a lot about psychological and emotional abuse. This is an incredibly well-made movie, which is why I keep revisiting it, but I recognize that not everybody is in the right place to hear stories about gaslighting, so please, take care of yourself, and skip this episode if you think it’s going to cause you distress.

That being said, I truly have no idea why “gaslighting” suddenly became a popular buzzword in the last 10 years or so, or how it has evolved to be misapplied to any form of lying. I’ve even heard people talk about how someone is “gaslighting” them when they merely disagree about something. So despite how incredibly dark and disturbing this movie is, I really think everyone should watch it, if for no other reason than to learn how to use the term correctly. But there’s obviously a lot more to it than that, which I will get into. But first, my traditional plot summary:

When her aunt and guardian, a famous opera star, is murdered in their London home, young Paula Alquist (Ingrid Bergman) is sent to Italy to train as a singer. Ten years later, she is swept off her feet by her new accompanist, Gregory Anton (Charles Boyer), and after knowing each other only two weeks, they get married. Though she is still haunted by her aunt’s unsolved murder, upon hearing that Gregory has always wanted to live in London, Paula suggests that they move into her old house. As they settle in, Gregory’s behavior gradually changes, and Paula begins to feel like she is losing her mind.

The main thing I remember about the first time I watched this movie was thinking it wasn’t a very good mystery, since it’s pretty obvious fairly early on who the bad guy is. But by the end it became clear that it was never meant to be a mystery, but rather a map of red flags to watch out for, as well as a surprisingly sympathetic portrayal of how easy it can be to ignore them until it’s too late. Or, I guess I should say, almost too late, since, spoiler alert: the movie does have a mostly happy ending. Anyway, I had never seen a movie like this before and it fascinated me. I watched it twice in 2003, once in 2004, once in 2006, once in 2007, twice in 2008, three times in 2012, once in 2013, once in 2014, twice in 2015, twice in 2016, once in 2017, once in 2018, once in 2020, twice in 2021, and once in 2022. I also saw the 1940 version once in 2006. I don’t remember much about it other than I thought it was pretty good, but the remake was better. And a big part of that is because of the cast of the remake. One of my 2015 views of the remake was part of my watching through Best Actress winners project because Ingrid Bergman won the first of her three Oscars for this film. Apparently at the time I ranked this performance as the 7th best to win that award, and now if anything I feel like that was too low. The more I rewatch this movie, the more impressed I am by what a difficult job she had and how thoroughly she crushed it.

Paula is an incredibly complex character who undergoes a significant emotional journey. At the beginning, though she’s definitely still haunted by the trauma of her youth, she’s mostly happy and hopeful and vivacious. And then all of that slowly dims as Gregory’s manipulations escalate, almost as if she is a gas light that he’s turning down. That’s not why the movie is called Gaslight, though; it’s called that because one of the early signs that something sketchy is going on is when Paula starts to notice lights dimming as if someone turned a new light on somewhere else in the house, but nobody else seems to notice this and she can’t find a good explanation for it. But watching Paula go from a lively, lovestruck newlywed to basically a zombie struggling to find a shred of reality she can trust also feels like watching a gas light flame go down. And it would have been so easy to either overdo or undersell this descent into confusion, but Ingrid Bergman perfectly balances every moment. You can see Paula starting to doubt herself more and more as her actions and words become more hesitant and her looks become more vague, until she begins to resign herself to the fact that Gregory must be right, she must be insane, there’s nothing more she can do. It’s so painful and heartbreaking that I desperately want to reach through the screen and comfort her and tell her what’s really going on. And then, just when I almost can’t stand it anymore, Joseph Cotten shows up to do that for me. He plays Inspector Brian Cameron of Scotland Yard, a childhood fan of Paula’s aunt who happens to see Paula one of the few times she’s out with Gregory in London, which leads him to reopen the cold case of her aunt’s murder and figure out what’s going on just in time to help Paula. The implication that Paula needs a man to rescue her is one thing I don’t love about this movie, but at the same time I think it’s important to acknowledge that Gregory was so effective at – for lack of a better term – gaslighting her that she could not have escaped that situation without help.

Not to take any of the credit away from Bergman for her stellar performance, but I do think it helped that George Cukor was the director. Longtime listeners may recognize his name from Holiday, which was number 33 on this list, and Adam’s Rib, which was number 27, both of which have significantly lighter tones. Gaslight feels much more like an Alfred Hitchcock picture than a George Cukor one. Cukor apparently didn’t like being referred to as a “woman’s director,” but he had a reputation for his ability to coax great performances out of actresses, and this is certainly no exception. In order to help Bergman keep track of Paula’s gradual descent toward madness while shooting out of order, Cukor would tell her the whole plot up to the scenes they were filming each day, which Bergman initially resented, but then he stopped doing it for a few days and she realized how helpful it had been, and they went back to doing it that way. I do think Ingrid Bergman would have been great in this role regardless of who the director was, but George Cukor helped elevate her to the best she could possibly be.

While Bergman’s performance is far and away my favorite aspect of this movie, the rest of the cast is also phenomenal, albeit rather small. It definitely has that based-on-a-play feel of limited locations and few characters, although that also works very well with the story. Part of Gregory’s strategy is to cut Paula off from the rest of the world so she won’t have a safety net. Consequently, for most of the film she only interacts with him and their two servants: the kind but mostly-deaf cook, Elizabeth, played by Barbara Everest, and the saucy, flirtatious maid, Nancy, played by none other than 18-year-old Angela Lansbury in her film debut, both of whom are absolutely perfect in their roles. I love Everest’s delivery of “I see just how it is” when Gregory is trying to keep Elizabeth on his side without realizing that she’s always been firmly on Paula’s. And Lansbury embodies the exact attitude required for Nancy: flirtatious toward Gregory, disdainful toward Paula, totally oblivious to how she’s being manipulated until the end – all conveyed with every look she gives and line she speaks as if she’s a veteran actor. It comes as absolutely no surprise that she went on to have such a long and successful career, with this as her first screen performance. She was even nominated for an Oscar! And then there’s the neighbor Miss Thwaites, played by Dame May Whitty, who adds some much-needed levity with her “diggy biscuits” and morbid curiosity about the house in her square where there was a “real murder!” Joseph Cotten’s role is honestly pretty bland – kind of the film noir version of a classic Disney prince, in a way – but he makes the most of it. And then there’s Charles Boyer, giving one of the best creepy villain performances I’ve ever seen, which was also Oscar-nominated. He starts out just sort of vaguely unsettling, raising one or two red flags right off the bat, but like, he could still be okay, and then by the end he is full-on terrifying. He has this amazing stone-faced look that makes your blood run cold. There’s this one moment in particular, kind of toward the middle, when Miss Thwaites and Inspector Cameron (posing as her nephew) have tried to visit them, and Gregory tells Nancy to send them away. Paula wanted to let them in but he freaked out so she backed down, and then after Nancy leaves she again says she wanted to see them, and he’s like, “Oh, why didn’t you say so?” and it makes me want to scream. Then he tells her she didn’t have time to see them because they’re going out to the theater, and Paula’s like, “I didn’t know that…or did I forget?” and Gregory, facing the camera with his back to her, opens his mouth to respond, and then stops and waits for her to dwell on that for a few more seconds before he tells her that no, this is a surprise, and both his face and her face are so perfect there, I love it and hate it so much. Like, I love it from a “this movie is so well acted” perspective, and I hate it from a “this character is a horrible human being” perspective. And then Paula gets overly happy, since she’s been trapped in the house for so long that him letting her go out seems like a wonderful gift. But then he “notices” that a picture is missing from the wall, and makes her think she hid it, and they end up not going out because she’s “too unwell.”

That’s the main way he manipulates her: by moving things and making it look like she took them. What’s particularly interesting about the way the movie shows this is we never actually see Gregory taking any of the things, but it is nevertheless clear that he has been. But he is so insistent that she’s doing it that we can easily believe that Paula wouldn’t suspect him, or that if she did, she would have significant doubts. And even if she did figure it out, it’s not like there’s anything she can do about it. She’s in London for the first time in a decade, she doesn’t know anyone, she doesn’t have anywhere to go, and she’s not sure she can trust her own mind. And I think it’s so important that the movie at no point faults her for ending up in that situation or for not being able to leave. The movie also gives no indication that Gregory is physically harming Paula, but leaves the audience in no doubt that he is an abusive husband. And I feel like the messages that abuse doesn’t have to be physical and that it’s never the victim’s fault are still too rare in media today, let alone nearly 80 years ago. I feel like back then most unhealthy relationships in movies were in the His Girl Friday vein of “they’re kind of both abusing each other so it’s fine” or would find other ways for excusing or explaining the abusive behavior, like “the abuser was drunk” or “the victim was asking for it” or what have you. And if they weren’t like that, the victim usually ended up dead. In Gaslight, Gregory has no excuse. I mean, he does have a reason, but it’s a terrible reason that in no way justifies his actions. And Paula not only survives, but also gets an incredibly satisfying confrontation with Gregory after Brian and another policeman have tied him up. When the police leave them alone together, Gregory pleads with her to get a knife and cut him free, and for a moment you think she’s actually going to help him, but she gets her revenge by pretending she can’t find the knife and saying she’s too insane to help him, forcing him to admit that he has lied to her and she isn’t actually mad. And she wraps up her great payback with: “If I were not mad, I could have helped you. Whatever you had done, I could have pitied and protected you. But because I am mad, I hate you. Because I am mad, I have betrayed you. And because I'm mad, I'm rejoicing in my heart, without a shred of pity, without a shred of regret, watching you go with glory in my heart!” So she turns his gaslighting around on him, and it’s amazing. Although I must admit that right after that when she cries, “Mr. Cameron! Take this man away!” is the one part when I feel like Ingrid Bergman overdoes it just a little bit and gets too melodramatic, but after everything Paula has been through, she deserves as many melodramatic moments as she wants.

I would prefer it if the movie didn’t conclude with the implication that Paula is going to end up romantically involved with Brian, but again, she deserves all the happiness she can get, and if that’s what’s going to make her happy, I’m all for it. And I guess we can claim Miss Thwaites as aroace representation, since she seems to be an old maid with no interest in romance. This movie also speaks to my aromanticism and asexuality in a different, unique way. Because to a certain extent, being aroace in an allonormative, amatonormative society kind of feels like the entire world is gaslighting you. Of course, I don’t mean to imply that my experiences have been anywhere near as horrendous as someone like Paula’s – having your reality cruelly and intentionally twisted by a partner is on an entirely different level from not quite fitting in with the dominant culture’s concept of reality. Still, being constantly bombarded with the message that all mature humans frequently experience sexual and romantic attraction, and that a universal top life goal is to find a partner you’re attracted to that way, when you don’t feel those attractions and don’t desire that kind of partner, is incredibly confusing and disorienting. Once you become an adult, or even a teenager, people start giving you knowing looks when they hear you’ve been hanging out with a friend one-on-one, especially if that friend happens to be of the opposite sex. And you don’t think you like any of your friends “that way” but you also don’t really know what liking someone “that way” feels like so you start to think maybe you don’t know your own feelings. And if you’re lucky, your brain subconsciously decides that you do have crushes like a normal person, they’re just always on movie stars, most of whom are dead, which you realize is weird, but it’s an understandable kind of weird. Nobody believes you when you say you don’t have a crush on anybody, but if you show them a picture of Cary Grant and say, “I have a crush on him,” that makes sense to them. And so you end up becoming convinced that you’re experiencing types of attraction that you’re not, to the point that when you first hear about asexuality you don’t even consider the possibility that it could describe you. And of course, when I say “you” I mean “me”; I can’t speak for all aroaces, although I do think most of us experience some form of that confusion before we figure out that our identity exists. I feel like there’s a relatively widespread perception that aromantic and/or asexual people are just single allos who want to feel special by giving themselves a label, but for me, the opposite is true. Using the aroace label makes me feel less special, because now I know there are other people out there like me, after spending so much time trying to play along with the attraction I thought I was supposed to be feeling. It’s honestly been kind of difficult to unlearn this, to teach myself how to even recognize, let alone trust, what I’m actually feeling versus the socially acceptable way to be feeling about other people.

It’s weird because, looking back, it’s so obvious to me that I was faking crushes, that I was just parroting things I’d heard when I talked about them, that I was just smiling and nodding when people would say things like, “Isn’t that person hot?” But at the time, I absolutely could not admit that, even to myself, because I felt like, in order to be human, I must be experiencing what I’d been led to believe were universal human emotions that went along with sexual and romantic attraction. Back in 2013 I blogged about all the movies I’d seen at least 10 times in 10 years, and I just re-read my post about Gaslight, in which I apparently wrote that I found Joseph Cotten attractive in this movie. I don’t remember thinking or writing that, but I’m sure if I’d been asked to elaborate, I would have said I thought he was hot or whatever, even though I absolutely did not, I just thought I was supposed to. I wasn’t consciously lying; I had become convinced that I felt things I didn’t. Although, now that I think about it, maybe I really was attracted to him, not sexually or romantically, but in terms of the way his character functions in the story. I desperately needed someone to show up and tell me that the problem wasn’t with my mind and provide me with some key information I was missing that would explain what was going on, just like Brian does for Paula. Again, her experience was much more horrifying than mine, but learning that some people are aromantic and asexual, that not feeling those kinds of attraction is perfectly normal for those people, was almost as revelatory to me as learning that her husband killed her aunt and was trying to drive her mad was to Paula. Maybe it sounds like I’m the one being melodramatic now, but I don’t know how else to explain how messed up it is to spend decades convincing yourself and everyone else that you’re feeling things you’re not, and what a relief it is to learn that you were right all along and can finally take the mask off. And that’s why I’ve been focusing so much on looking at movies from an aromantic and asexual perspective on this podcast. Because I don’t want anyone else to go through all that. I want everyone to know that amatonormativity and allonormativity are lies, both because I want people on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums to understand themselves sooner than I understood myself, and because I want alloromantic, allosexual people to know that not everyone is like them. I don’t blame the allo people I was surrounded with for perpetuating these norms because they didn’t know better. I know they weren’t really trying to gaslight me. But I would like to live in a society where most people do know better.

Anyway, I appreciate this movie for understanding me in ways that I couldn’t articulate until recently. But that’s far from the only reason it’s this high on my list. Again, I truly cannot overemphasize how phenomenal the acting is. Ingrid Bergman was always wonderful, but she took it to a whole other level here, and the rest of the cast were similarly at the top of their game. I never get tired of watching them act together, particularly when I’m in the mood for something a little darker. Like the other Ingrid Bergman movie I talked about, Notorious, I’m not sure whether Gaslight “counts” as film noir, because it has some of the typical noir tropes but lacks other important ones. But from a lighting and cinematography perspective, it definitely feels like a noir, so if you enjoy that style, you’ll probably appreciate this movie. It was nominated for a total of seven Oscars, including Best Picture, Screenplay, and Black-and-White Cinematography, in addition to the three acting nominations I mentioned earlier for Bergman, Boyer, and Lansbury. The only Oscar it won besides Best Actress was for Art Direction, which is something I don’t generally pay a ton of attention to, but the set is particularly important in Gaslight. The house almost functions as a character: it’s Gregory’s accomplice in torturing Paula, and the increasingly cluttered look of the rooms helps emphasize the way it’s trapping her. And, of course, there are the real, vintage gasoliers that give the movie its title and add greatly to its mood. So both of this movie’s Oscars were thoroughly deserved.

Thank you for listening to me discuss another of my most frequently rewatched films. This wraps up the 4-way tie of movies I saw 22 times from 2003 through 2022. I wonder how many other people out there have watched Beauty and the Beast, A Mighty Wind, His Girl Friday, and Gaslight the same number of times in the last 20 years. Anyway, I didn’t watch any movies exactly 23 times, so next up is the only one I watched 24 times, which is also one that I have a LOT of feelings and personal stories about, so stay tuned for what I’m sure will be a particularly long and rambling episode that I hope will be fun to listen to. As always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “I don’t need to act things out in order to write them. I have what we like to call an ‘imagination.’ Have you ever heard of that? Oh, no no no no no, please tell us more about the old man… and the boat.”

[feelswrvng]

Number 3 for Anton and Maggie!

meme: accepting

three

this is not what good girls do. the longer the girl stayed with anton, more often those words raced through her mind. she had to. he made her do the things she did. she needed to please him, so he wouldn't be angry with her. she had to. she told herself as much. over and over again. and yet, as he pushed his cock in and out of her mouth, his shaft gliding further and further into her throat, at times cutting her air supply, she couldn't ignore how it made her moan, how she only squirmed and writhed underneath him, when her arousal was so sharp it made her cunt throb and she no longer knew what to do with herself.

biology, she told herself, she reacted because he knew exactly where to touch to ensure she did. even if she already had been moaning before, the fact that his hand stroked her breast, pinched her nipple, only made her moan louder and it wasn't her fault. biology. and if she happened to rub her thighs together, to try and get some of the edge off, well, he'd been stimulating her for what felt for hours. the body could only endure so much. "please," she heard herself gasp as he pulled back, the pad of his thumb tracing her lips before running it along her nipple. "oh god. please." perhaps the pleading was for his benefit as well. @kiillmeromantically

[dearcat1]

(Discomfort)

Part 52 of Biases and Expectations

Xanxus is angry, it's not a new feeling for him. It's been years, however, since he's felt it this strongly. He's angry at himself, at his people, at the world. He's angry at Leviathan and his obviously lacking skills. In short, he's angry enough to burst but instead of exploding into screams and violence, Xanxus is draped over his wife, her hands petting his hair. He's almost angry with her, it would be easier if Emilia answered his anger with more anger. Or screamed or something. But she's not, she's singing that little tune she uses on his kids, tired and still wary of him but still willing to soothe him. Xanxus's hold on her tightens and yet he slackens it as soon as he realizes. 

"I know," Emilia murmurs, rubbing his back. "I know, Xanxus."

Does she? Xanxus huffs but doesn't pull away. "I forgot." It's a shit excuse but it's the truth. He treated her like he would have treated any of his elements if he found them like that, with the same level of anger and possessiveness and how fucking dare you try to leave me behind. But Emilia isn't one of his elements, her flames are not active and as a result she's nowhere near as resilient as they are. Her cheek is still swollen, there are bruises on her from where he dropped her on the floor or when he was careless while carrying her. Emilia is sore and at least part of it is on him, the rest is on the drug but that's on him too. In a way. Once is a mistake, not understandable but it can happen. Twice is failure. Inexcusable and irrefutable. 

He's a shit husband, Xanxus knows this. He provides well enough but his wife was always going to get that. The Colombo family is prestigious enough. Xanxus broke his vows the same night he made them and to this day he can't convince her he's no longer doing it. And his security is apparently a joke. Out of three things, Xanxus manages the easiest one and even then, Emilia isn't an expensive wife. She has jewelry she inherited from her mother but being hands on with their kids means she rarely wears it. She's amazing with numbers, when she wants to fit something in the budget, it happens. Xanxus snorts, ignoring the fingers on his back to trace a bruise on her arm. 

Emilia sighs, "I don't remember." She doesn't remember most of it, or the days after. Emilia doesn't know how many times he looked her in the eyes and lied. It's probably why he invited Lillo to stay in their guest room. He hates the guy and the sentiment is returned.

"The bruise?" 

"Most. I remember the shower, it was a good idea." It shocked a reaction out of her. 

Finally, Xanxus pulls away, pointedly tapping her cheek and watching her wince. "Bad execution."

"Yes." Emilia makes no excuses for him either. "You reacted fast enough, though. And I'm here. We'll deal with it." Moron overdosed her, it took both her doctor and Lussuria to get enough of the stuff safely processed to help her body handle the rest. 

Xanxus grimaces, "I'll overhaul security." And talk with Lillo about hers in particular.

Emilia blinks, still looking far too tired for comfort. "Ok." She yawns into her forearm. "I have so much to do. I don't want…" Emilia grunts, ignoring his arched brow for the moment. She knows Xanxus isn't about to let her get back to work. "I could at least get some of it done in bed, Xanxus." She throws herself at work, it's what she does. Xanxus has gotten to a point where he can tell just how stressed his wife is by the level of detail in the budget report.

"No, you won't." Xanxus narrows his eyes warningly. "Your brother and Belphegor will take care of the kids. Lussuria has the castle. I'll deal with your security issue and you." 

"Me?" Emilia scrunches up her nose in a move that makes him stare. He hasn't realized it before but she has the same expression Nicki and Anton make before throwing a fit. 

"You." 

"I'm not a kid." His wife straightens. "I don't need looking after." Nor does she want it. 

He clicks his tongue, offering her his phone. "Where's your brother?"

"Lillo?" Emilia blinks at the topic change. "He should be coming, he knows what happened, right?" 

"Yeah." Xanxus waits.

"Then he's coming." It's always said with that level of surety, like it's obvious. Xanxus hates the guy.

"He's already here, has been since this morning when I told you he arrived. I've told you three times already." Xanxus watches the confusion settle on her face. "Your short term memory is still fucked. Doctor Larios said a week, and a week you'll stay where I can see you, resting."

"I don't remember." That's Xanxus's point, which she realizes, judging by the way she slumps. "Ok."