#ig it counts as a vent piece?

[strayingsocks]

⁉

[hauntedpotat]

it's incredibly funny to me that on tumblr you can post the best thing you've ever drawn and it gets like. 3 notes. And then you post a silly doodle from some random surface that you made in like 6 seconds and it's your top post for a month. Why

[katiekatdragon27]

Hello Dandy's World fans.

I've recently been playing the game on Roblox with my friends and sibling, and it's been a ton of fun! Sure, I'm horrible at it, but it's the thought that counts ig.

And don't worry, I draw normal things too.

Like these things.

But it's mostly angst and unhinged things lol.

Below is a silly goofy Shiny Shrimp (that's the ship name I made up for Glisten x Shrimpo lol) AU that's just angst and tragedy and bullying Shrimpo emotionally lol:

OKAY SO CONTEXT: I thought it would be funny if Shrimpo had to keep Glisten company while exploring the floors but was also the one to witness his change into his full twisted form and almost die lol.

SO, I'd imagine it going down like this.

Basically, during one of the missions below, Glisten doesn't make it to the elevator in time. Shrimpo gets wind of this and gets very pissed. Despite everyone's protests, Shrimpo decides to join on of their runs to gain iquor, but mostly to fine Glisten.

And boy does he find him and all his shattered face glory.

Glisten: "Shrimpo!?" Shrimpo: "G-Glisten?" Glisten: "I knew you'd come back for me!"

Shrimpo attempts to leave the situation, seeing that Glisten is indeed twisted, despite Glisten's insistence that he is not. As Shrimpo tries to leave, Glisten gets more attached, constantly asking Shrimpo to not leave and to stay with him. Another person in the party (haven't decided who yet), tells Shrimpo to stay with Glisten and keep him company until all the machines are done. Shrimpo reluctantly agrees (and says "I HATE YOU" a couple times) and spends the rest of the round with Glisten.

However, the whole time Shrimpo's trying not to get attached because deep down, he knows it's too late for Glisten.

At the end of the round, everyone is called to go to the elevator. Shrimpo goes to leave. Glisten tries to block him off. Shimpo forces his way through. Glisten gets pissed and rips off his ribbons in anger, letting the infection take over his whole body. As Glisten's shifting, Shrimpo grabs one of his discarded ribbon pieces and beelines it to the elevator (as fast as Shrimpo can run). However, it is not fast enough, and Glisten easily catches up. He knocked over Shrimpo and lunges at him, ready take him out.

That's when Goob comes in. While everyone is trying to get the elevator to close faster, Goob grabs Shrimpo from below Glisten and pulls him into the elevator. Glisten hits the floor and breaks his face even more. As he gets up, he shouts at Shrimpo, who is shaking in Goob's arms watch Glisten break down.

Glisten: "YOU PROMISED YOU'D STAY WITH ME-- YOU PROMISED!"

Then, the doors close. Glisten is gone, and Shrimpo is angry and traumatized. How fun.

Shrimpo does not do well after the whole incident. He is much more reserved, but still just as angry. Except to Goob. Goob saving him gave Shrimpo a soft spot for the guy. Also, Goob let's Shrimpo vent to him like the supportive icon he is.

Shrimpo: I think I miss my partner, Goob.

But he's not the only toon Shrimpo talks to.

Vee: "Geez. This crying is ruining your "tough guy" persona."

My sibling gave me the silly idea to have Shrimpo and Vee be "friends" in this bc Shrimp hates Dandy waaaaaaaaaay more after the Glisten incident. And Vee hates Dandy in general, so boom, situation friendship. However, Vee sucks at being a supportive friend.

And some silly stuff my friends requested. Shrimpo chucking Dandy into the stratosphere and Goob being Goob. Healing the world one crappy doodle at a time.

Thank you for looking at the dooles and mindless rant of a grown adult about a Roblox horror game for 9-year-olds. You're a real one. Have a good day broksies.

[mechanicalinfection]

Shaky hands.

I'll be talking about my condition under the cut, so be warned! other than that I hope you enjoy this piece.

Ig you can count this as a vent but. Anyways. Things haven't been great lately, that's all I can say for sure.

I've been thinking about quitting art lately, which I never think about, ever. Since art is literally my pride and joy, it's a skill im actually proud of it and worked for, but lately it just isn't fun. Not anymore. I've been drawing for people lately, not for myself.

It's just so frustrating too, I always have so much high expectations when it comes to my art and when it doesn't happen or I don't achieve it, everything feels. Awful, and horrible and I always end up thinking that I should've never become an artist in the first place. And that I'm an imposter or something amongst other artist that are criminally underrated, since clearly they deserve the recognition more, they deserve it more than me.

But moving on from the actual topic I wanted to talk about, is how my hands are just. So shaky. It's been so difficult to even bear with, I can't draw properly usually when it happens and it frustrates me deeply since I want to draw. But it's forcing me not to. And I don't know what to do about it, I just want to be able to draw. I want things to be fun again.

Sometimes I think blowing up and becoming known was a mistake. I worry about pumping out art everyday that I just get so burnt out. I push myself through my own limit and this is the result I get. Shaking hands, messed up sleep schedule, haven't eaten properly lately, all to pump art.

I'm tired.

[chang-bunnie-bini-bop]

hiraeth • seo changbin [part one]

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✰ pairing - roommate!changbin x fem!reader

✰ warnings - mentions of anxiety, reader’s mother is an ass, some swearing, vent and self projection ig, major angst

✰ word count - 1.8k

✰ notes - this was something i really related to so i hope you enjoy! [from: sana 🤍🤍🤍] part two will be out soon! 

✰ sypnosis: when you try to reconnect with your mom after 2 years, a heart shattering discovery brings you and your roommate together.

hiraeth - the longing for a home that you cannot return to, or never was.

masterlist | requests open!

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All the walls came crashing down, your heart shattered into a million pieces. 

It had all started when you decided that maybe, maybe she had fixed herself. Maybe she would love you now. 

She wasn’t a terrible mother. She had kept you from starving, she had bought you what you wanted when you wanted it, and she gave you a home to live in. 

A lot of people didn’t get that. You should have felt grateful. Not everyone had such a ‘loving’ mother. 

But that ‘love’ came with a price. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

“Mom?” The thirteen year old asked, peeking into the room. Her mother glanced up at her, an irritated expression adorning her generally beautiful face. 

“What?” She asked sharply, removing her headphones. “Can I…close my door? I want to finish my homework in silence.” She spoke quickly, referring to her sister, who was loudly playing with her toys. 

“You know the rule. No closing the door.” Her mom scoffed, turning away from her. “Why do you want to keep it shut anyway? What are you doing in there that I don’t need to know about?”

The girl could feel her eyes tearing up. She wished her mother would just trust her.

“Mom! It’s nothing like that! I just like to keep my door closed. I promise i’ll let you in, and I won’t lock it.” She whined, flinching when the older woman stood up suddenly, slamming her phone and headphones onto the soft couch. 

“Let me in?! LET ME IN! I don’t need to be let in, filthy girl. Maybe if you were smarter, you could concentrate even in the noise.” The mom spat out, glaring down at the sobbing girl before slapping her, beating her until she was laying on the ground in fear. 

Her sister had stopped playing, staring in utter horror. The woman rounded on her next, beating the poor eight year old until she was crying as well. 

“Stupid. STUPID. Can’t do anything except cry on the floor.” The mother spat out, turning on her heel and slamming the door behind her. 

The older sister got up shakily, walking to her desk to continue her homework. She didn’t dare shut the door, too scared of her mother’s wrath to do anything. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

You had dialed her number, hoping that muse would have changed, that she would love you now. 

The last time you had seen her, she had turned you out, paying for your college tuition and dorm fees, and you had been alone since, talking to no one but your roommate. 

The only thing you had focused on in the past two years were your grades, the only thing in your life you could control. Headphones in, you do nothing but study, occasionally going out to get food on the days your roommate had left his room. 

You never knew why he left, he was pretty private about it, never too descriptive, never too defensive. You didn’t talk much to him, however, you had grown to care for him in the same way he cared for you. 

You had dialed her number, maybe she would respond, maybe she would remember you, your daughter, and maybe she would love you now. 

You had worked so hard, paying off everything and gathering all the money so she would finally be proud of you. 

You were desperate, to say the least. You wanted her approval so badly, it was something you had never gotten when you were younger. 

You had finally pressed call, waiting for the ringtone, but it never came. She had blocked you, cut you off. 

You were nothing to her. 

You had sat there, sobbing your heart out as you remembered all the times she had rejected you, and you felt so foolish for believing that she could change, that she would love you now. 

The front door opened and shut, and you couldn’t care less. She had rejected you, she was never going to talk to you again. 

The thoughts flashed across your brain like a red hot rod, and your eyes swam with more unshed tears. 

Your phone lay smashed on the floor, along with the many other things in your room, including a photo frame of you and your mom. 

You looked like a mess, hair flying in every direction, shirt soaked with water from the vase and your tears. Your hands flashed with pain, covered in cuts and shards of glass that only seared with more agony as you pressed them onto the cold, tile floor. 

You gasped with renewed anxiety, tears slipping down your cheeks in an endless waterfall, sobbing when your chest hurt from your hyperventilation. 

“y/n-ah?” A voice echoed throughout the room, but you didn’t care right now. 

You could hear Changbin walking around the dorm looking for you, calling your name. You didn’t respond, not wanting him to see you in this disorder. 

Changbin paused outside your room door, staring at the absolute disarray you lay in. 

He had always seen you as the sort of person to always have your life together. You had never messed up around him, never got mad, always perfect, whether it was your grades or your personality. 

He couldn’t comprehend the fact that now this person, you, who looks so perfect in his eyes, is laying on the floor sobbing, with blood and water pooling around you. 

He immediately dropped everything and rushed to you, wincing as the shards of glass cracked underneath his now wet socks. 

Changbin pulled you to your feet and lifted you in a bridal carry, walking out of the room without a care in the world but you. 

He said nothing, walking to the kitchen and gathering a broom and a mop to clean up the mess in your room. 

You sat there and waited for the man, watching from the couch as he disappeared into the room, trembling and shivering in the cold of the air hitting your drenched clothes. 

Changbin emerged from the bedroom, holding everything he used to clean up and disposing of them, before walking over to you. 

He stared down at the fragile girl curled up on the couch, grimacing when he ran his hand over your face and feeling the tears. 

You promptly stood up, and almost keeled over from the vertigo, you’d given everything into the crying and screaming, and you were now running empty. 

“I’m okay.” You said bluntly, staring straight into his eyes, wide with worry. 

He reached out to grip your hand, and you averted his eyes. Changbin forces you to sit down as he began to pluck the pieces of glass from your hands. 

Normally, this would’ve hurt. Pained like anything, really. But you couldn’t care less. You stared at the blood pouring from your hand, Changbin’s fingers blunt but careful. 

He still hasn’t said anything since he had found you on the floor. It began to worry you, and you didn’t want it to seem like you forced him to help you. 

“You don’t…have to help me.” You said slowly, trying to ignore the way your voice cracked halfway through the sentence. 

Changbin gave you a cold, hard stare, the kind that pierced your soul in the worst way possible. The kind that made you flinch. 

“I’ll help you, always. Don’t question it.” He finished with a grunt as he tightened the bandage painfully.  

Your chest warmed up again. He wasn’t mad at you.

He cut off the end of the bandage, doing the same to your injured legs before tossing the cut-up socks in the trash. 

Changbin picked you up again, making sure your bandaged feet didn’t bump into anything before bringing you to his room. 

You tried to ignore the way he was able to lift you like you weighed nothing, or how his arms were wrapped ever so carefully around your shoulders. 

But your chest certainly couldn’t ignore it, a feeling fluttering up inside you as you gazed at Changbin’s eyes, then his nose, and then his lips. 

Oh, how you wanted to kiss them. 

The realization of what you had just thought flared up inside like fireworks, and your face also certainly flared up as well. 

You were sure that your face was now tinted a very bright red when he sat you down on the bed, fixing the angle of your shirt to make you more comfortable before walking to his closet and pulling out a shirt and your shorts. 

Once you had changed completely in the bathroom, brushed out your hair, and did your skincare, you walked to the living room, watching as the older man cooked silently. 

You were pretty sure you looked terrible, wearing his shirt. It made you look tiny, and considering that Changbin wasn’t that tall, it made you feel pretty embarrassed. 

You remembered the times when girls in your class complained about only getting to wear dresses, as their mothers had mostly bought their clothes at the time. 

You didn’t feel the same, though. Your mother had never let you wear dresses, commenting that you looked better in boy-ish clothing.

Though you were certainly glad that your mother always chose comfort over fashion, you couldn’t help but feel melancholic whenever you wore a dress. 

It made you feel beautiful, loved, alluring. You had loved the feeling since the very beginning. It wasn’t a feeling you could get used to, though. 

Afterwards, the woman made sure to buy less and less dresses, preferring you in more cheap clothing. 

You hadn’t worn a dress to date, feeling the words stab you in the chest every time you wore one in front of her.  

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

“Mom?” The girl asked the next day, making sure to keep her volume low as to not startle her mother. 

“What do you want now?” The mother asked, her voice the epitome of irked. 

“I was wondering, since my other dress ripped, can you maybe, buy me a new one?” The girl winced as the mom glared at her again. 

“You already have enough clothes. I bought you so much food earlier, why do you need more?” The woman scoffed, throwing her headphones back on and effectively cutting the girl off. 

“Okay, mom.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Changbin turned around and caught you staring, and his face tinted a light pink before he handed you a plate, gesturing to you to sit down. 

You comply, staring at the way his arms tensed when he burnt himself slightly.

Guilt pooled up in your stomach when you saw the bandaged on his legs, remembering the way he stepped on the glass to get to you. 

He sat down and held a spoon to your lips. You give him a look, but he interrupts. 

“You wanna try eating with those?” He gestured to the thick bandages crowding the crevices of your finger. 

“No.” You gulp, taking the spoon between your lips. 

He placed the dish into the sink afterwards, wiping his hands on the apron before taking a seat in front of you. 

“So. Do you wanna tell me what happened?”

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masterlist | requests open!

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[the1975attheirverybest]

just could really use something where maybe ur anxious and crying or whatever it may be for whatever reason and matty just holds u and runs his hands through your hair and whispers sweet nothings and affirmations IDK i just feel kinda shit rn ig

Oh, honey. I’m so sorry you’re having a difficult time right now. Please know that it will pass. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. I am sending you all the best vibes and well wishes. I’m here for you, if you need to vent or chat or anything at all. Been there myself. More times than I can count. So, I completely understand. ❤️ I hope that this can at least bring a smile to your face.

——

Matty walked through the door, expecting to be greeted with a hug from his favorite human being, after a long day at work. He kicked his shoes off, glancing around the room for signs of her. His brows furrow at the eerie silence. He’s used to the speakers blasting music, the sounds and smells of her cooking, or the TV being on, at the very least. This quiet was unsettling.

He rushes up the stairs, whistling the tune of the song he’s been working on all day. He peaks his head into the bedroom and smiles when his eyes finally land on her figure.

“Hey, baby! What’re you doin’ up here so early?” He walks over, a bit concerned that she doesn’t turn around to look at him as soon as he shows up. “Hey, you sleepin’ or something?”

She eventually pulls herself up and turns to face him, mumbling a soft apology. “Sorry, I- umm, just didn’t hear you come in.”

Matty is alarmed. How could she not have heard him come in, walk up the stairs, and all the way to the bedroom? He sits by her on the bed, taking her face in his hands and looking her straight in the eyes. Which is when it dawns on him that she’s on the verge of tears.

“Hey, honey, what’s the matter, my love?”

She bites her wobbly lip, struggling to keep from crying. All the effort that she had put into shoving her anxious thoughts into the back of her mind, and all the energy that she had spent telling herself to power through the hard part, and to just be strong for one more day, was now washing away at the sound of his gentle coaxing pulling at her heartstrings.

She shakes her head and attempts to brush him off, but Matty will not hear of it. He can tell she’s upset, and his heart is breaking at the tears in her eyes. “Baby, please talk to me. What’s the matter?” His hand on her neck and bottom of her cheek, pulls her into him, and she can no longer keep the tears at bay. She sobs into his arms, with him holding her tight, and vents to him while his shirt soaks up her tears, about how awful she’s been feeling for a long time now. That she feels stuck and helpless with her mind spiraling all the time. It feels like the world around her is moving at warp speed, and she has to exert twice as much energy just to try and keep up, and most of the time, she can’t even do that. And she feels guilty for even being upset because she knows she’s supposed to be stronger than this, but she’s just so exhausted all the time.

Matty listens to her speak and feels the sobs shake her whole body as they leave her lips and his heart shatters to a million pieces. “Baby, why haven’t you said anything? I wish you’d talked to me…if I’d known that you’ve been feeling this way- fuck, I never would’ve left for work this morning.” He hates to imagine that while he slept soundly by her side every night, she’s been lying awake struggling in anguish without his support.

He pulls them both into the bed so he’s resting his back against the headboard, with her in his lap, stroking her hair, kissing her forehead and cooing to her. “It’s okay, my love. I’ve got you. You’re not alone. Don’t have to be strong anymore. You can fall apart if you need to. I’ll catch you, I’ll put you back together.”

She falls asleep with him holding her, and he’s there in the morning when she tries to pretend everything’s fine and start her day anew.

“You need to rest. You can’t fix your situation if you’re running on fumes.”

“But life doesn’t pause and wait for me. If I don’t get on with it, I’ll fall behind. It’ll be even worse!” She feels the emotions bubble back up to the surface, but she doesn’t have time for this right now. She’s a grown up, with real responsibilities, and no time for outbursts.

“Fuck that shit! I couldn’t give a rats ass about the rest of the world. What I care about is you. My love. My favorite person. Everyone else could set themselves on fire for all I care. If you’re not healthy, how could you be expected to get anything done?” He puts his hands on both of her shoulders, dragging her back to bed. “Please. Stay here with me. Just for today. Let me spoil you. Let me take care of you. We’ll have a day in. Just us. I wanna talk. Feel like I haven’t been present. I wanna know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours. If all you need is some rest, we’ll make sure you get it. If you need professional help, I want to make sure you have it. Please, baby, stay home with me.”

And how could she refuse. When he looks at her with his pretty eyes and she sees the concern that fills them, she knows he’s right. And at least for the moment, the burden isn’t as heavy. Knowing that he would gladly carry it with her is the first glimmer of hope she’s felt in a long time.

[fj0t0lf]

imagine if mass killers other than adam (and ig aiden and alexandre too) had tumblr. wouldn't that be wild

#tcc tumblr #tccblr #tcctwt

( 0 notes )

🪖 phasidposting Follow

imagine how amazing it would be to grab hold of hunter and... no... i shan't say it

🪖 phasidposting

WRONG SIDEBLOG WRONG FUCKING SIDEBLOG

🪖 phasidposting

STOP REBLOGGING THIS

( 14,635 notes )

🎹 john-tocatina Follow

The Archon of Constantinople's epistle on the Pentacostine rites of the Eucharist clearly states Jews shouldn't have driver's licenses I'm not sure why this is still so controversial

( 3 notes )

☦️ vo-dk-aholic Follow

It's a bit strange – being a god, and only knowing humanness. What else is there in this existence?

#vent post

( 0 notes )

➕ year2083 Follow

got termed yet again since staff is a bunch of fucking marxists, help my find my old moots (was andersnordic, conservatism83, andrewbrei, berwickandrew)

( 28 notes )

🎱 blazers5505 Follow

Richard McBeef

"Eat this, you giant tree trunk piece of ass."

TWs: child death, discussion of csa, period-accurate biphobia, boating accident mention word count: 1.2k

It is morning. The sun is shining through the windows of the kitchen. John enters the kitchen, grabs a cereal bar, and opens it. Richard McBeef is sitting in the kitchen with his legs crossed reading the newspaper.

Keep reading

( 1,104 notes )

💣 nikarov694 Follow

school shooter pussy. you agree. reblog

( 1 note )

🐶 jimboboiii Follow

she barry on my harry til i tarry

🐶 jimboboiii

easy website

[daz4i]

ok ok rather than make a bunch of annoying vent posts i'm just gonna put everything on my mind all in one post to let it out 🔥 you absolutely do not need to read this, this is honestly so ridiculously long. my brain better feel clean for like at least 2 days after this fr

i knew i was gonna crash after this week and i think this is it 🥲 i was so tense for literally a whole week (even more tbh, bc i was preemptively scared of how much i have to do too) and i think the adrenaline drop kicked in after the peak of this one (aka being in a big social event. haven't been to one of those in literal years)

also. my parents have been sick this week and i think i maybe have contracted it too? 😭 if that is indeed the case it literally kicked in in the last like hour of the event, i was perfectly fine beforehand bc i avoided being in the same closed space as them when i could (aka kept my distance or made sure windows were open around me all the time jic). bc suddenly my whole body hurts like it hasn't in a long while. tho that might be the adrenaline crash too who knows 🥲 ig i'll see how i feel when i wake up

i have not been creative in awhile and i can feel my brain drowning in gunk lol. technically i tried writing songs a couple of times lately but they came out so bad i can't finish them. or anything. and i feel like shit abt failing to create literally anything. and i keep seeing people be creative and make so much or sharing their work fearlessly and it's always so much better than mine too that i'm burning with jealousy that i can't turn off (and can't channel into my own creation bc well. it comes out shitty! so the cycle not only continues but in fact gets worse each time). every time someone tells me i'm good it feels like they're lying to make me feel better or bc they love me so they're. biased and see everything i make as good bc it's me, so i can't count that. every time *i* feel like smth i made is good there's some glaring imperfection i don't know how to iron out so i start hating the whole piece. i don't know how to become better when every time i try to practice i end up wanting to claw my own eyes out as punishment for being so talentless and dumb

(the dumb thing too is. oh my god this is gonna sound so silly but. i try to make myself feel better by solving puzzles or trivia or riddles etc bc these are things i'm usually good at. but lately i can't be proud of myself for succeeding at any of them, and i keep beating myself harder for every time i fail or don't do as well as i used to, bc it feels like i'm failing at the only thing i'm supposed to be good at. also i just generally keep doing stupid things lately esp when it comes to my time management or taking care of my body in various ways, i keep forgetting things which is smth i almost never do, i struggle to get through conversations with others bc i trip over my words or make mistakes constantly, generally i'm just being stupid in various ways)

right now i am. so anxious. about so many things. here let me just make it into a list starting with very small to. probably still small but it feels big to me

1. this is so silly but. i am literally too tired to put small earrings back in after changing them to long one for the party. and i'm scared the holes will close up in my sleep. but this is literally so much work 💔 idk if the holes haven't healed properly or if i'm using the wrong metal so i keep getting infections bc it's been A While (two years. apparently. maybe more??) and they haven't healed yet. like i said a silly thing to get stressed over but i am. very tense

2. i don't know. if the people i knew in the party actually didn't recognize me or if they ignored me on purpose. bc i stood next to some of them while my besties were talking to them too and they didn't even say hi (or like introduced themselves the way others that i didn't know have done). one of them was literally my bestie for a good few months a few years ago and even tho i grew a beard i. don't think i changed THAT much??? also i don't think it's hard to make the connection abt who i am given how tight this community is. someone i haven't talked to since like 2015 bc we had beef recognized me even. so how come they didn't. i met one in a con recently and she did recognize me so. h. did i do something wrong. did someone say smth bad about me. i don't know i don't understand social rules enough to figure it out 😭

3. this is another thing abt that tbh 🥲 while it was very fun and a super cool event, it did remind me very painfully of why my social anxiety is so bad 😭 i felt like i made 10 social errors per minute. i didn't know what to say half the time so i just smiled or laughed and i think that made me seem creepy idk. a lot of people were very nice and i think i did mostly fine with them but also maybe not. idk. i am definitely overthinking things but what if i'm right. it's not that out of the question. i am known to fail social interactions there's a reason why i do my best to avoid them

4. and this is kinda bringing me to a thing i have on my mind a lot recently. bc i'm doing the recovery thing. and a lot of people - friends family and professionals who help me there - tell me i am capable of more than i think or admit. and i get WHY they think that bc i *am* doing a lot compared to the literal nothing i've been up to for years. but i am very much pushing outside my limits, which is why i'm constantly feeling like shit lately i think (not that i was doing great before but. yeah). it probably seems mostly effortless bc i just do them without beating much around the bush but that's only when i mentally prepare myself days or even weeks ahead (for reference, i'm talking about things like. being in public. or taking a bus). or the work i do for projects that... honestly idk how i'm doing that either. i am the laziest person ever and i have no ability to concentrate yet i managed to sit down and do work and do it well and learn text by heart and research and write for hours and ??? it does not feel like myself. but it also kinda does bc i need to very forcefully push myself into it and berate myself for hours until i actually get up to do anything so. it's not smth that comes naturally to me. i don't consider myself capable of things. i'm just very good at pretending i'm unbothered (up until i start crying uncontrollably at least lol) so ppl think i am. unfortunately. bc then they expect me to do more. or they pressure me into it then get disappointed when i can't do it (ig that's the core of it for me... i don't want anyone to develop expectations about me, bc i know i won't be able to meet them, at least not long term. so i insist i can't do anything, bc sometimes - often - i really really can't. i don't wanna be judged by my best. feels false to even call it that tbh. but that's bc it's so rare, it's the best for a reason, the absolute peak i can get to, as pathetic as it is. bc the problem is, when this is already beyond my limits, i literally can't go further, but that's what they want me to do 💔)

5. god. this is also a small thing probably but the accidental lie i mentioned. for context i am giving a lecture abt p5's mythology in the next con, that's the thing i was working on lately. anyway when i signed up i gave background information about myself, and to make myself sound more fitting for the job i said that i learned the topic in [university that specializes in said topic] bc i did - just. 2 classes. that's it. i was telling the truth there, technically (most of my knowledge on the topic comes from independent research, but the classes i took did help with that too, as in i knew where to look for info and things to look out for) (also for reference i'm gonna be fr. i did not finish these classes. social anxiety got to me and i was scared to go to anything outside zoom lessons which weren't an option anymore unfortunately)

ANYWAY when they told me i got in they sent me a "revised" bio which was just what i originally sent them, so i said okay. but now the whole thingie was posted and i can see my bio there and. they said i graduated from [uni] and used language that implies i have a degree in it, probably to make me sound more credible, but it's not true!!!! 😭😭😭 the thing i said was definitely embellishment but it WAS true enough that if asked directly about it i could spin it somehow ("oh i haven't finished yet" "yeah i took a couple of classes when i could to enrich my knowledge") but this. makes it so much harder

chances are i won't be asked bc why would anyone ask abt that. but ever since i started writing the script i was so stressed about people calling me out for being wrong abt info, so i even added a disclaimer of "these are old texts that have many versions that vary according to location or were changed with time uwu if you know a different version of this story that's probably why uwu" and "due to the time constraint i'm giving a very simplified and short version of this topic uwu" bc given that i'm talking a lot abt judaism. to a mainly (or most likely, entirely) jewish audience. it's enough that there is someone who is religious or previously ultra orthodox in the audience that if i make a mistake they could point it out. and then i'll start panicking and lose my train of thought and fuck everything up while i'm already so stressed as is and-

so like i've been super stressed abt all that^ until now but that misinfo in my bio is raising the stakes for me 😭 bc now what if someone who went to this uni and majored in this topic calls me out on never seeing me there. or they can tell the info i'm giving isn't smth that's taught there or isn't the way it's taught there. this is such a specific and unlikely fear but i can't not stress about it because TECHNICALLY it's possible, it COULD happen even if that's not too likely

6. all of this is while i'm also struggling with bureaucracy around that art program i'm signing up to, idk if i'll get in yet or not bc i need some files to be approved and idk if they would, and idk what i'll do if they don't. or what if they do! i'm honestly so scared to start it, idk how i'm gonna go from nothing to waking up early and driving an hour 4 times a week to be active and around people for a few hours. tbh i don't think i can, but also if this gets approved then i have to, so the government's money doesn't get flushed down the toilet bc of me.

7. all this shit has a major impact on my physical health 🥲 not getting into details bc that's def tmi territory but. i'm fighting for my life over a certain stress-caused medical thing for weeks now. only other time i had it was when the war originally started so naturally i was extra stressed then, but like, this is to give you a reference for how majorly stressed i am now. my regular pains are flaring up more often too which makes things harder to handle as well (like, stressing abt not doing enough work, bc i'm literally in too much pain to do anything but lie down. or being scared of the plans i have for the week bc what if these pains catch me when i'm outside or with people. how am i supposed to push through them. what if they catch me when i'm in public and i have to sit down in the middle of the street. what if i'm with people and i'm holding them back from doing smth bc of that. etc etc)

8. ofc all this is happening during the war and i keep seeing things i really don't wanna see from ppl in my country and the west 🥲 and it's like, the mix of guilt over this happening at all, and the frustration over feeling like i have nothing to do about it, and fear about how things are gonna escalate in either direction, and seeing friends from other countries posting things i agree with but can't condone full heartedly bc well. this'll hurt me directly, as selfish as it sounds (tbf, when i say hurt me directly, i'm talking about me and my loved ones' lives being endangered), but also seeing said loved ones talking about things i can't agree with morally, yet can't fully refute either because life is. complicated. i have a lot more to say tbh but i'm too tired to acknowledge every single facet of every single related issue which will open me to a lot of hate so. best to leave it here. unfortunately

idk where to put this. sorry for the sudden topic change. it feels bad to be stressed over that but, there is a guy who i know likes me like a lot. i think i'm like exactly his taste and he's always so excited about seeing or talking to me. one of my besties - or maybe more. idk - really wants us to get together bc tbh it'll probably be good for both of us, and y'all know how desperate i am to be loved lol. but i can't bring myself to like him the way he likes me 💔 he's fun but i have a hard time with one on one interactions so i can't really progress things and tbh, idk if i'm currently in a mindset where i even should, given all that^. also i know for a fact i can't handle an actual relationship, and i'm scared i'll disappoint him or drive him away if i'll be my real unfiltered self, and ik i need to be obsessed with someone to get attached this quickly but i can't force it either. and to put it more directly... i'm perfect for him and his taste, but not the other way around 🥲 (tho tbf idk what my taste even is. i identify as aroace for a reason). i don't wanna string him along but i think i already kind of am 😭 i like him but not as much as he likes me, but what i probably like here even more is the feeling of being liked. and that makes me feel like a dick. i also feel guilty for not liking him the same way ig even tho ik it's stupid bc it's not like i can control it. and yet

so yeah this is. a lot of shit. all at once. both silly and not silly at all. my brain is in constant overload. i get violently suicidal every time i have a moment alone with my thoughts or when i see anything that reminds me of that. bc all this stress makes life feel so impossible - it IS impossible - that i can't handle the thought of it, but half of the things that cause me stress are supposed to be for the purpose of distracting me from how stressful everything is. so. what the fuck am i supposed to do about all that. how am i supposed to live like at all

[butteredcrackers]

A little vent ig?

life is very, very stressful right now for me, and my extreme executive dysfunction is not helping. I currently cannot get a therapist or medication for my severe depression related to trauma, and its making me spiral. I just found out all my friends think I'm fucking annoying and have thought that for months, and this month has been stressful because they finally showed what awful people they are and I pointed it out and said what they did was fucked up so I'm the bad guy now. I dyed my hair recently and it looks like trash and I feel really bad cause my mom did it and I appreciate her so much cause she did it while sick, but I feel so ugly. I have to learn 2 extremely complicated pieces if music that I've been putting off for so region, and this doesn't count Christmas concert music, and I'm getting lost in pulling assignments and teachers who think I have the time to spend every waking second of my day on their class alone. I'm not practicing my all region music cause when I get home I just fall to the floor and sit there until its 10pm and I'm like "oh shit I need to sleep" then u fucking stay up still, not getting good sleep, and I keep forgetting to take my meds to make me sleep. I don't know who's my friend and who's not, and now I'm so worried that I'm annoying people that I'm scared to talk to my best friend even though I know she doesn't hate me at all but what if she does what if she hates me. What if I'm really as annoying as they say I am? Did they really hate me for this long? Am I that unbearable to be around? Why did they fake it and be so nice to me? Why did she still say she loved me when she found me so fucking annoying and wasn't attracted to me at all? I want everything to stop. Its too much. I can't anymore. Everyone is just out to get me I guess. Everything is too much. I want to curl up and die. I wish I could just become dormant and rot away, nobody would notice right? Since they all fucking hate me, right? They called me autistic, said that I wasn't autistic and was doing it for attention, when I never called myself autistic. They were the ones who called me autistic and crazy when we were friends. Sure I hate noted at it and said I needed to probably get evaluated but if someone said I was autistic I denied it heavily. Because I don't want to be seen as faking it for attention. I'm so over everything. I kinda just wanna die but I don't because mom thinks people who kill themselves are selfish narcissists and I don't want her to see me that way. This is really long I'm so sorry if you get this on your dash. but it's so much I just need to let it out it might help. God im just so done. Im.burnt out. And I can't take a day off or I'm not exempt from exams anymore. Will someone take me out. God please will someone tell me its ok and they love me. I just need a hug. A really really long one. I need someone to tell me they love me. And that they care for me.

[chrissdollie]

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[nolspreid]

Broken Pieces - Steven Grant x Reader

You didn't like how Steven talked about himself.

warnings : none (maybe a little angst?? and also self deprecating themes ig) but mostly fluff

word count : 2.01k

author's note : i wrote this randomly in like one sitting at 3am with no plan whatsoever,, it's my first x reader fic please be indulgent,, (also i didn't even proof read it lol so enjoy my silly little spelling mistakes) i just wanted to add on to the sea of soft!steven x reader cause im a sucker for it

<>

"You alright, love ?" Steven asked you, brows furrowed in nothing but curiosity and concern, noticing you blankly staring at him as he went on and on, venting to you about his long day working at the museum - among other things.

"Uh, yeah" you answered after a little while, your mind having wandered to the depths of itself. you gave him an apologetic smile before tightening your grip on his big hands and intertwining your fingers together. "I'm alright, Steven. I'm so sorry, my mind was… elsewhere." You looked at him with mostly care and worry behind your eyes.

"What's going on ?" He slightly shifted from his previous laid back position against the backrest of the couch and was now sat up straight in front of you. Your naked legs were tangled together, covered byt the warm and fuzzy blanket Steven bought for the two of you. He gently put his hand on your thigh underneath it as his thumb drew circles on your soft skin.. He hoped that this gesture would soothe out the pain you seemed to be enduring.

You opened your mouth, only to close it again after a few seconds, leaving the silence between the two of you grow ever so daunting. What were you gonna say to him ?

While he was talking about his day, about how bored he was working at the gift-shop counter and how unnerving his boss' presence was, constantly lingering around to remind him not to "chat the visitors' ears off" despite him really wanting to, you felt a sudden sort-of-sadness washing over you. You couldn't really explain it but you felt a heaviness in your chest, weighing in a bit more with every word he spoke.

Hearing your boyfriend talk about his job like that made you sad. Hearing him talk about how he was being treated in such a casual, detached, used-to-it manner made you angry. You were angry at Donna, his boss, for giving him hell when he deserved paradise and even more. You were angry at him, for not standing up for himself and letting people walk all over him. And you were angry at yourself, for caring so much that it made you sick to your stomach.

When you met Steven, the second you laid your eyes on him, especially on his brown curls, exhausted eyes and boyish grin, as cliché as it was, you felt a million butterflies fly around in your empty stomach. You'd walked up to him, barely managing to conceal the flustered look on your face and asked him about the items he sold. You wanted to start a conversation with him and that seemed like the easiest approach. He started talking to you about the pyramid shaped key rings and about the plushies of the different gods, taking one in his big calloused hand and setting it on the counter. It was a plushie of the goddess Taweret, Egyptian deity of fertility. Soon enough, he started rambling about the origin of her cult and how exactly people worshipped her in the ancient days. While he was talking, you couldn’t help but notice how his face, previously dull and haunted by boredom, was now lit up and joyful. You could practically hear the smile in his clear, soothing voice.

Realising mid-sentence that he completely went off-track, he scolded himself mentally, already picturing Donna lecture him about how "he's not the bloody tour guide" and should stop giving people unwanted remarks about ancient egypt. He then profusely apologised to you. His eyes were looking down at the plushie that he grabbed from the table where he'd put it while his lips curved into a defeated half smile. You were amazed at how expressive that man was. You could read his face like an open book, every emotion he felt being completely obvious. Not that you were much of a stoic yourself.

"That's so interesting," You slightly squinted your eyes to read his name on the tag that you just noticed he was wearing "Steven. Could you tell me more ?"

He looked up to you, eyes open wide and mouth faintly agape. He wasn't annoying you with all these useless facts ? And even more unbelievable, you wanted to hear more ? As he blinked slowly, he let out a shaky breath that made your heart melt. He was adorable. As he continued talking, giving you little facts about the goddess, the life in egypt and whatnot, you found the way his hands caressed and handled the plushie endearing. Everything you'd seen about him so far was endearing. To the way his pretty brown eyes wandered about, shifting between timidly looking into yours and at the table, to the way he tripped over his own words, as if he was hurrying to get to the next one already. After a few minutes spent with him excitedly talking and you scrutinising his face, he stopped talking and finally made solid eye contact. "I assume you're interested in egyptology, yeah ?" His eyebrows went up an so did his voice.

"Me ? I guess you could say that yes." A little laugh escaped your pink covered lips as you tucked a piece of stray hair behind your ear. You hoped your flirtatious intentions were obvious enough for him to pick up on it.

"Stevie ?" A feminine voice called from not so far away. You both turned your heads in the direction it was coming from, you with curiosity and him with apprehension. A blond haired middle aged woman was looking at him with a severe expression on her face and her arms crossed over her chest. She looked somewhat angry, or disappointed, or both.

"Shit," You heard the man in front of you say when he turned his head back to his gift-shop counter and accesorily to gift-shopist reality. He seemed to "have forgotten that he was only here to sell useless crap" as his colleagues so well put it. "I'm so sorry miss, but I'm actually not allowed to erm… chat during my work hours." He said, the words leaving his mouth with a truly bitter taste. He enjoyed this little talk the two of you just had and the look of pure interest in your face struck him. He always tried to share his extensive knowledge of all things in regards to ancient Egypt to pretty much everyone stopping by but he wasn’t used to people actually listening and being interested.

Your hands flew to his, gently taking the plushie he was holding and inadvertently brushing against his fingertips as you did so. "It's alright, it's my fault, I distracted you from your job. I'm gonna buy that, yeah ?" You smiled at him, truly sorry for monopolising his attention for so long.

"Great, awesome, good." He said, a huge smile stretching his pink lips, relieved that this was probably gonna save him from being torn apart by his boss later on. After you paid for it, you looked at him earnestly. "It was really nice meeting you, Steven." You finally said before walking away, not without waving him a little goodbye with your free hand. He waved back at you, still amazed by what just happened. It took him time to fully register the way you looked genuinely fascinated by what he had to say, the way your fingers touched his for a split second when you took the plushie from his hands, and the way you said his name twice. It rolled out of your lips so naturally and casually that he felt a little sting in his chest. This feels nice, he thought, unfamiliar but nice.

Ever since that day, you kept coming back to the museum and eventually, you got yourself a nice little collection of plushies since you made sure to never leave without buying one. Soon enough, he asked you for your name, then you asked him out on a date, then you became a couple.

The more things you discovered of him along the way, the more you liked him and the more you wanted to know. He was devastatingly beautiful, funny, smart, passionate, gentle, sweet, caring, and so much more. You learned all of that through the first couple of dates you've been on together and to which he made sure to bring you flowers. You could see all of that in him from the very beginning but the horrifying realisation that it was absolutely not reciprocated from his part hit you like a truck. He was a lovely and wonderful man, why couldn't he see that ?

Steven deserved the world and all the best things it had to offer. The words quit your mind as you tried to piece together the things you wanted to communicate to him. You couldn't quite find the right words or phrases to tell him how sad it made you that he didn't see himself the way you did. You wished you could tell him that you wanted to shower him with all the love pouring from your heart. You wish you could tell him how all you wanted was for him to know his beauty and his worth. Your eyes started to water as he was still looking at you, patiently waiting for you to answer. You had a dreadful week so your sensibility was heightened and your emotions were a lot stronger. You didn't have the energy - and honestly didn't really feel the need - to fight the tears running down your cheeks.

"Do you know that I love you, Steven ?. I love you so much it hurts. I love you so much that I don't know what to do with these feelings." Your voice broke with the last words you spoke. You lowered your head on his shoulder and started full-on properly crying. Before he could think about it, his arms flew over your back to take you into his warm embrace, hugging you tighter than usual. His eyes were still awestruck, due to the shock of seeing you burst into tears like that. "Shh, It's okay, babe. I'm here and I love you too." he kept saying while stroking your hair to reassure her, in the way he knew it did. He still couldn't really believe it. You were crying because of him ? Because you loved him ?

Wow. Was all he could think of. While he was heartbroken to see you cry, part of him was secretly happy because you said you loved him. You said you loved him so much that it was distressing. Wow.

Oftentimes, he wondered why you even wanted to be with him. Surely someone so gorgeous and lovely as you could date someone much better, he thought. Everytime he did, he reminded himself that he was a broken piece of man. An empty shell. He truly believed that you would be much happier with someone else - anyone else - than with his depressing, dull and odd person. You deserved someone who could care for you, protect you and make you feel appreciated everyday, not someone who would disappear for days at a time with no previous warning to fight for an Egyptian god. Nevertheless, you seemed to think that he met all the criterias. Seeing you so helpless and distressed because of your love for him, made him feel all kinds of warm inside. You loved him.

And he loved you. He loved you so very much that he didn't think he would be able to express it to its fullest extent in his lifetime. You were the light that pulled him out of his boring day routine and dark lonely nights. You were the only one that listened to what he had to say, that cared and appreciated him no matter how insufferable and deranged he thought he was. You gave him life everyday just by being around him. You were his solace of peace and quiet when all he could feel was the harshness of the world. The only moments where he felt like he was truly alive were the ones he spent watching you, touching you, kissing you. You were the best thing that could have happened to him.

Cupping your face in his hands, he slowly lifted your head so that your tear filled eyes faced his. "I. Love. You." He punctuated every word with gentle kisses on your forehead, on your cheek, and on your lips.

One thing was sure, you loved this man with everything you had and also promised yourself that you'd help him walk out the path of despair he was engaged in and into the true light of happiness, holding, kissing, loving him and his broken pieces every step along the way.

[simpfornatasharomanoff]

I’m Not Okay

Summary: Natasha finds you just in time. 

Warnings: Mentions/thoughts of suicide and an almost suicide (I think this is it, but lemme know If I need to add any) 

Word Count: 532

A/N: Just a shitty vent fic and nothing else. There’s probably mistakes, just ignore them ig

You’re hunched over at your desk, with a pen in your hand and a piece of paper under the pen. You tap the pen against your hand a few times before continuing to write. Tears roll down your face as your thoughts make it onto paper. You wish it wasn’t coming to this, you really do, but life and everything about it has become too much. You can’t continue on like this anymore.

You aggressively wipe your tears with the sleeve of your sweatshirt, not wanting them to stain the paper below you. You finish the note, writing your thoughts out clearly, and gently fold it. You write Natasha’s name on the top so she knows this was meant for her.

You stand from the chair and take one last look around your room. Polaroid pictures of you and Natasha are scattered among the many surfaces of the room. You pick one up from the bedside table and look at it. A small smile crosses your face as you remember the day this was taken. It was right after Natasha proposed to you. You place the polaroid back down and let out a deep breath. You move to the bathroom and shut the door behind you.

You open the medicine cabinet and grab the large bottle of pills. You toss the bottle back and forth between your hands, listening to the rattle of the pills inside. Once you do this, you’ll finally be okay. You open the bottle and stare down at the pills inside. It’ll be quick and you won’t feel a thing. You dump a handful of pills into your hand and place the bottle on the counter.  

“Y/N! I’m home!” Natasha calls out, entering your shared room.

You glance over at the bathroom door, before looking back down at the pile of pills in your hand. You take a deep breath as the voices in your head keep telling you to just do it.

There’s a soft knock on the bathroom door. “Babe? Are you okay in there?”

You squeeze your eyes shut. You fight with the voices in your head, but the dark thoughts quickly consume and win the internal argument.

“I’m coming in, okay?” A second goes by before the door slowly opens. Natasha takes one step into the bathroom and looks at you. Her eyes trail down to your hand, eyebrows furrowing at the pills in your hand. Her eyes move up and meet yours. “Y/N?”

You immediately break down at the sound of Natasha’s voice. You reach forward, the pills spilling out of your hand and onto the bathroom floor, and you fling your arms around Natasha. You pull her into you and grip onto her shirt as you shove your face into her neck.

“I’ve got you.” Natasha wraps her arms around you tightly. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Natasha runs one of her hands through your hair.

“Nat.” You swallow thickly. “I think I need help.” You admit into her neck. “I’m not okay.”

Natasha hugs you tighter. “You’re not alone, I’ll be with you every step of the way, okay?”

You nod. “I’m sorry.” You continue to sob.

“You don’t have to apologize. I’ve got you.”

[niskoo]

Memories kept in the pink hoodie

pairing: Ex! Heeseung x reader

genre: angst, fluff in the end ig, breakup! AU

warnings: swearing, uhhh they like break down together

word count: 2.2k words OMG

a/n: another one of my requests!! thank you all for the ideas its really helping!! mmm this one was very interesting to write because i usually write crack/fluff, aaannndd ive literally never done anything ive written IURHWIU thank you for the great idea anon <33 THIS HELPED SO MUCH OMG USUALLY MY ANGST SUCKS BUT IM PRETTY PROUD OF THIS AAAA ALSO IM SORRY IF THIS WASNT REALLY WHAT YOU WANTED IDK THERE ALWAYS HAS TO BE FLUFF IN MY IMAGINES IG 😓😭

feel free to request and help get rid of my writers block!!

a bit based off of 'try again' by jaehyun and d.ear

You should've known the consequences of dating an idol, you should've been careful. Of course they wouldn't let you be together, he's in one of the rising groups, heck, he was in one of the biggest companies.

It wasn't necessarily the company's fault you were so heartbroken, it's both your faults. You couldn't help but blame each other for how careless you were. You know better than to make things worse, and yet you did.

The evening you go back to his dorm after being confronted by the company, you two started a huge argument of who's fault it was. Either it was his fault for not taking caution during work, or your fault for always checking up on him. All loving actions in the past became reasons for why you should break up, thus cracking your relationship further.

When you went home that night, with your backpack full of your things, you did nothing. You didn't cry, you didn't rage, you simply thought that this was the end, you felt guilty that it had to end like this, instead of just working it out and breaking it off peacefully.

Your heart was left cracked and hurt for sure, but this time, you blame yourself. You shouldn't have met him, you shouldn't have got to know him, it's all your fault. And for the first time that night, you cry.

Your heart clenched at every thought of having to leave Heeseung, more tears falling at the fact that he's not gonna be a part of your life anymore. He's gone, and it's all your fault.

It's when you unpack your things when you realize you still have a bunch of things left at his place, you realize you never want to go back and face him.

You leave your stuff there for the next 2 days, your heart still unready to confront and be reminded of the fact that Heeseung is gone. Unfortunately, he has other plans.

Your phone lights up, and the last name you want to see is lighting the phone up.

'Hey... you left some of your stuff.'

You instantly turn your phone off, breaths picking up as you quickly look away from it and finish your lunch. You can feel the anxiety filling your body as you notice it light up once again, and it swarms in your chest even more when your mother winces at the next text.

You put down your spoon, quickly glancing at the text.

'If you want, you can come by and pick them up? I'll pack them for you...'

Your heart clenches yet once again, you know it's true, literally half your stuff is still there and you have to pick them up. You unlock your phone, quickly sending an 'okay' before completely shutting your phone down. You wouldn't stand a second more looking at his contact.

You decide to go at 11, because that's when the other members are at the company training. You don't know if Heeseung's gonna be there to give you your things, a part of you hopes he is, another hopes he's not there. But then again, who else would open the door for you?

You stand outside the familiar door nervously, picking on your nails and the lint on the hem of your cardigan. Just as you were about to knock, the door swung open, and instead of your ex boyfriend standing there it's the youngest of the group, his eyes wide and puffy lips parted.

As usual, he woke up late. You can't help but chuckle as he picks his shoes up and scurries down the stairs, bidding him a friendly goodbye.

You almost forget about Heeseung, but as you hear shuffling from inside, it all comes back.

You two share awkward glances, the tension slowly building itself back up. Instead of the heated, rage filled tension, this time the tension is guilty, and without each other knowing, yearning.

“T-this way,” Heeseung mutters tightly, eyes glued to the ground as he shuffled quickly to the living room. You follow along just a few seconds later, still processing the fact that this is the end. He could be gone out of your life after this, it’s your last chance to speak.

Your eyes slowly travel up when you stop, the beating of your heart quickening with the slight burning in your eyes. Lo and behold, there your things laid, ready for you to bring back home. You can’t help but notice how it’s packed completely how Heeseung would pack, neat and with care. It’s not too stuffed, it’s in the perfect place.

Biting at the dead skin of your lip, you trudge towards the duffle bag—his duffle bag—and kneel down to grab the handle. The moment you pick it up, you notice how the bag isn’t fully zipped, and a certain pink sleeve peaks out from the tiny space.

All too familiar, the pink sleeve was. It was the one he took from Daniel in I-land. He knew you loved it, for you loved the kid like your little brother. But, he can’t. It’s his, it’s his favorite, he can’t just give it to his ex.

You instantly place the bag down, the tears starting to well up in frustration and sadness. You zip open the bag and take the pink hoodie out, before shoving it into Heeseung’s chest, “Take it, Heeseung, Please don’t give it to me.”

It takes him a few moments, before Heeseung is shaking his head and handing it back to you. “No, it’s practically yours anyway. And you really like it right? It’s just a-“

“Don’t tell me it’s just a hoodie!”

You both are shocked at your sudden burst, frozen in your spot. Your breathing is heavy, like a weight is holding it down and slowing your breathing. There are tears keeping your cheek moist, warm, they stream down continuously, the sensation as if there was fire dripping from your eyes and burning your skin.

Heeseung’s just on the verge of crying himself, the grip on the pink hoodie deathly, he feels the material ripping against his skin. How did it come to this? When did it even happen? It all feels surreal, to think what you two had could fall apart.

All the happy moments in your relationship fading to memories, the hoodie representing the fact itself is true. None of you wanted to take it, afraid it would remind you of the other.

Deep down, you wanted to keep it, keep the memories it held, keep the tears that once soaked it when you vented all your stress to him, keep the scent of Heeseung that lingered on the fabric. You were just too afraid of being reminded that along with the happy memories, came the sad memories of the night you fought and broke it off.

Your grip on the poor hoodie eases, as you slide to the floor helplessly with tears messing your face up. You desperately wanted to hold the pink piece of clothing and keep it forever, and another part of you cursed at you for being too vulnerable.

Your hand quickly wipes away the tears on your cheeks and chin harshly, almost hitting yourself for being so sensitive. Before you could do the action again, a softer grasp is stopping your hand, Heeseung’s other hand reaching up to brush the tears away dearly, blowing your hair away from your face.

Before you could even bring yourself to stop, you’re already reacting to his touch, cowering into his hold and placing your hand over his on your cheek, almost intertwining them together.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper into his palm, your other hand reaching up to grasp at his t-shirt. You’re sorry for so many reasons, for not being careful, for all the things you said in the argument, for making a sudden commotion just because of a stupid hoodie. “I’m so sorry...”

“Shh, it’s alright, it’s alright.” Heeseung grabs you into his infamous embrace you would hate to leave, stroking your back with patterns just the way he knew you loved, just the way it would calm you down. “We’ll be alright.”

More tears fall between your eyelashes, dripping and soaking into Heeseung’s shoulder as he himself sniffles quietly into your hair. None of you want to leave each other behind, it’s the painful truth that you both can’t have, the truth you’ve always feared.

A sudden feeling of relief fills you up inside, his words reassure you in a way, we’ll be alright, you’ll be okay, it just had to leave his lips for you to believe it. You crawl closer to Heeseung, squeezing yourself in his bear hug, “We’ll be okay, we can make it right,”

A hoarse and hearty laugh leaves Heeseung, it shakes right by your ear as you press it against his chest, and he nods, “Yeah,”

He gently pulls your head back right in front of his, wiping the last of your tears and tucking the stray hairs back to the back of your ear, “Let’s just talk,” his whisper tickles your nose, causing you to lightly giggle at the feeling, his lips pressing softly against the pink tinted skin, “Make everything better?”

You nod, finally grasping at the pink hoodie and holding it tight to your chest as Heeseung laughs and bonks his forehead right on yours.

For the next few hours, you talk, make up, talk some more, maybe even a small cuddle, but that’s a secret. You make ramen for when the other members come back from practice, you feel happy to see the members thank you and eat with enthusiasm, you feel glad this is how your last moments together last.

Now you have the (practically ripped) pink hoodie in your arms as you bid the boys goodbye, slightly tearing up at the sight of them sadly waving, but you keep it in and continue your way back home, where you would tell your mom how you ended it on good terms.

And that night, you slip on the pink hoodie before you sleep, and you feel a piece of paper poking at your arm. You’re surprised to see a crumpled envelope poking out, your name written messily in blue ink.

You pull the envelope out quickly, opening it out with something bubbling in the pit of your stomach as you notice the handwriting as Heeseung’s.

‘My dear Y/n,

Hello there! I don’t know if i got the guts to make it right with you or if i pussied out and watched you as you drove away with regrets, but that’s what this letter is for. hopefully you didn’t throw this letter away hehe

i just wanted to thank you. for everything. your love, your care, your trust, Your happiness, thank you for everything you’ve given me. im sorry we had to end our journey, but know that you’ll be in my mind everyday. when we practice, I’ll remember your encouraging smile, when we win, I'll remember the fact that it’s you who gave me the courage to start this whole career.

i love you y/n. we’ll both probably find our other person in the future, but you’ll forever be in my heart as my first love, my first heartbreak, my best memory. thank you for helping me through my hardest times, thank you for helping the other boys through their worst times, especially jungwon, he’ll miss you the most.

i guess this is goodbye, y/n. not forever, of course, but for some time. thank you for everything, i hope you enjoyed the times we had together as much as i did.

with all the love in my heart,

Lee Heeseung :)’

You wipe at your tears for the nth time that day, folding the paper back into the envelope. “Fuck you Heeseung, you’ve ruined my makeup again!” You curse under your breath as you slip the letter into a certain box at the corner of your bedside table, patting your cheeks one last time.

You truly cherish the memories you had with Heeseung. You hope he does too.

[galactic-magick]

Life and Happiness: Logan x Reader

Summary: You’ve been really depressed lately and Logan helps comfort you in his own way. (sort of college AU?)

Words: 1100+                                        

Warnings: Some angst, hurt/comfort, reader is kinda sassy, reader is also depressed (not su*cidal depressed though so no mention of that)

Author’s Notes: Got the idea for this while rewatching “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning,” basically a self therapy fic lol. I’m more likely to listen to Logan than I am to myself so why not put the words in his mouth? Also I’m thinking about opening Sanders Sides requests again after I finish my WandaVision requests so this is kinda a warm-up for that ig lol

Taglist: @luluwinchester​ @nerve-ous-love​ @zarieslayer​ @amayaisokay​

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“Are you alright?”

You look up to see a somewhat familiar face, or at least you think so. It’s a guy you’ve seen in one of your classes, the one always sitting at the front and wearing a tie as if it’s a special occasion. He seems nice enough, but you’ve never really talked to him.

His words bring you back to reality a bit, your attention moving from your thoughts to your surroundings. It’s dark, it’s late, and no one else is around except for you and him. You’re sitting on an uncomfortable bench with a bag of work you’ve barely touched, and honestly you’re not even sure if you had any intention to do it at all tonight.

“Oh...I’m fine,” you finally say, forcing a smile.

He shakes his head, “It’s not safe to be alone at night. Do you want me to walk you to your dorm?”

“I…” you sigh. “I don’t really want to go back there,”

“Roommate troubles? I understand that,” he laughs.

“No, it’s not that,” you fidget with your hands. “I guess I just feel like I don’t deserve to go get some rest right now, ya know?” you try to play the heavy statement off as a joke, but his face clearly molds to concern.

He sits down next to you, “Taking a break and sleeping aren’t things you earn, they’re necessities. Why don’t you think you deserve to rest?”

“Because I haven’t gotten anything done today, I guess, I don’t know,” you shrug, clenching your fists a bit to hold the tension in. “And I hate myself for it. I just…” you reach for your bag to pack it up. “Never mind, it doesn't matter. You probably don’t get that anyway, you seem like the kind of person that’s good at everything,”

He stops you, taking your bag and setting it aside, “That’s not true,”

“Really?” you exhale. “You don’t have to be modest, man. It’s just a fact,”

“No, that’s your opinion, actually,” he says. “There’s a big difference,”

“Fine, then my opinion is that everything’s probably come easy to you all your life and you don’t understand how I feel right now. Happy?”

“Actually, come to think of it, that’s an assumption, not an opinion,”

“Whatever,” you smirk, almost letting out a genuine laugh. “How about you tell me the facts then, Mr. Know-It-All,”

“My name is Logan,”

“Know-It-All refers to your last name,”

“My last name is Sanders, actually,”

You chuckle, “Alright, Logan Know-It-All Sanders. I’m Y/N,”

“Geez, you’re almost as bad as my roommate,” he huffs. “But pleased to meet you, Y/N,”

“Your roommate gives you nicknames?”

“At least eight times a day, yes,”

“Ah,” you nod. “Alright, I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“I was saying,” he emphasizes. “That your assumptions about me are completely untrue. I do enjoy learning, yes, but that doesn’t mean it comes easy to me. I have to work hard and study just like everyone else, and sometimes I fall short and fail. Many times, actually. I’m not ‘good at everything,’ I put effort and practice into the things I want to be good at, and eventually I get good at them,”

“Hmm,” your smile fades. “Still, you’re very naturally motivated to do all that. I’m just...not,”

“Why’s that?”

“I’’m only here because I have to be. If I don’t get some sort of higher education I have less of a chance of getting a good job, and I’d like to have at least a somewhat stable life. I gave up on my dreams a long time ago, I’m just trying to survive,” you don’t know why you’re venting to this guy you barely know, yet now that you’ve started you can’t stop. “But it’s not just that. Everything feels wrong, I feel empty, I feel nothing. School isn’t the only thing that brings me down, it’s just life in general. It’s like the weight of the world isn’t just on my shoulders, it’s actively pushing down on them, and it’s just a matter of time until I break,” your face falls to your hands, covering your watery eyes. He probably thinks you’re crazy or overreacting, you should’ve just let him walk you home and not bothered him with your problems.

“Is it happiness that’s left you, or living?” he asks.

You look at him, your voice croaking from holding everything in, “What?”

“You said you don’t feel anything and you’re just trying to survive. So which has truly left you, happiness or the figurative ‘feeling’ of living?”

“I’m...not sure,”

“The way I see it, we are never promised happiness. It’s never a guarantee, it’s not a right, it’s not something we can always count on. Emotions come and go, and just because it’s a positive one doesn’t change that. But living…” he grins. “Living is a gift. Just the fact that you’re here is amazing. You’re breathing, you’re you. It can be easy to forget that, but it’s true. Your life in and of itself has meaning, no matter what you choose to do with it. You may feel like you’re only surviving and working towards the bare minimum, but you’re alive. I guess that’s why I’ve never understood when people feel worthless if they’re not achieving their dreams and greatness and the like, just being alive and experiencing the world seems like enough to me,”

You stare blankly at him, not sure what to say.

“I really shouldn’t keep you any longer,” he checks his watch and hands you your bag. “How about that walk back now?”

You nod, getting up and walking in the direction of your dorm.

It’s a relatively silent stroll, nothing except your breathing and a few cricket chirps. Logan offers to carry your things, leaving you empty handed until you hit your destination. You appreciate the gesture, you just hope he’s not only doing it out of pity.

“I know you believe you don’t deserve it, but I really urge you to get some rest,” he turns to you at the doorway, handing you back your bag.

“I’ll try my best,” you nod with a smile. “Thank you, Logan. For everything,”

“Of course,” he smiles back, handing you a piece of paper as he leaves. “Let me know if you ever need anything,”

You look down to see his number scribbled on the paper, and he waves to you again before turning around the corner.

You never thought Logan Sanders would be the one bringing you comfort on a night like this, but here you are.

And you really hope he’ll do it again.

[luvlyrv]

My Model | Yeri x f!Reader College!au

Genre: College AU, fluff

Summary: Yeri needs a model for her final project. You need some money. With the time you spend working for Yeri, something starts to bubble up in your heart.

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: Ah, school's already started again. What a bummer. It's almost 2AM and my sleep schedule is still very much fucked. Whatever, I'm feeling kind of down in the dumps so I wanted to write something cute. I also am considering writing a mafia!au series for Irene, please tell me if you'd like that or not! Otherwise, just enjoy this writing please :) even though I feel like the quality is significantly worse than my other writings. OH AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! AHH ALSO IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING YERI POSTED ON IG. 

Date: 1/6/2021

It all started when you spent Saturday evening venting out all your stress to your close friend, Sooyoung.

"I'm sorry, I know we're supposed to be relaxing together right now but it's the only thing on my mind! I mean, they laid me off work last second and it's not like I have another job lined up and waiting for me. I wasn't even a bad employee! They were just trying to cut costs!" You tiredly half-shouted to Sooyoung.

She sat on the other end of the couch, body bundled up in your blankets while nodding. She patiently listened to your worries and complaints. After you had said what was on your mind, you both decided to binge some awful zombie movies.

* *

You were quickly redoing some of your notes when you heard a faint vibration coming from your phone. You picked up your phone, checking the notification from Sooyoung that just appeared.

"heyyy, i know this isn't an actual long-term job that ur looking for but i have a friend who could use some help rn! she'll pay!"

You feel a spark of excitement as you begin to type back a reply.

"Yes!! Anything helps. I don't care what it is I'll do it."

"are u free tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"her name is yeri and she just needs a model for her to create some outfits and shoot pictures of. meet her tomorrow at xxxx at three?"

"Tell her sure thing :)"

With that you returned to studying with a small smile on your face with a little bit of your worries melting away.

* *

You rock back and forth on your heels, nervous to meet a stranger. You knock on Yeri's door only to be met back with a faint clatter and muffled footsteps. A short while later you hear some muttering as the door finally opens. 

"Hello!" 

While you were curiously scanning the area around her dorm room, the sudden sound of her voice made you shift your focus to the now open door and the girl standing in front of you. You felt your body stiffen as you made eye-contact.

"Ah, uhm, hello! Hi, you must be Yeri, right?" You manage to say aloud.

"Yeah, and you must be Y/N! Nice to meet you. You can come in." She says as she steps aside to make room for you.

You enter her room, only to be greeted by materials being strewn across nearly every piece of furniture possible. A clean mirror was in the middle of her room and a sewing machine sat off by the side.

"I'm a fashion major if you couldn't tell already." Yeri half-joked with a smile gracing her lips.

You smile back at her. "Yeah I assumed so from what Sooyoung described yesterday. How much are you paying again?"

"Well, I assume you took this job because you're a desperate broke college student. I am also a desperate broke college student. I'll give you around $25 after every session. I can't pay much but I'll try. I mean, you're giving me your time after all."

You nod at her answer. "Sessions? Am I going to have to come over multiple times?"

"Yeah, I have to create three different outfits. I'll just get your measurements today. After that you'll have to come over and model and make sure that they fit well and so I'll know if I have to do any revisions. So, mind if I start taking measurements now?"

"I wouldn't mind at all."

Yeri pulls out a measuring tape and begins to measure your body. She makes sure your posture is correct, placing a hand on your back, sending miniscule shivers down your spine. She moves around your body carefully making sure everything is accurate all while giving you the faintest touches around your body. You felt bad. There wasn't anything unprofessional about this situation at all, yet you couldn't help but to feel your face heat up a little. Yeri was a pretty girl and you just couldn't help but to melt around pretty girls. You found it a bit adorable to see her so focused on her task at hand. 

All too quickly Yeri announced that she was done taking your measurements. 

"Is that going to be all for today then?"

"I guess, I'll start working on the outfits now that I know your sizes." Yeri is already going to her sewing machine, her hand reaching out to a sketchbook you didn't realize was there before. "Oh! By the way, we should exchange numbers so I can tell you when we should meet up again." She says while looking back at you.

You pull out your phone and walk closer to her, the both of you exchanging contact details.

"Thanks for today, Y/N. I'll pay you next time you come. I'm sure you'll love the way these outfits look on you too!" 

You make your way out of her room and shut the door behind you for her. 

* *

Time has passed and you've already been to Yeri's place a couple times. Each time feeling a little bit more suffocating under Yeri's overwhelming presence. The way her eyes would look at you, carefully judging the details of the clothing she put hours of hard work in. The way she'd always thank you for your time. You couldn't help but want to know her more.

Despite wanting to get closer with her though, you never seemed to text her for any reason besides modelling for her. Sooyoung kept encouraging to just talk to her casually. You tried to follow her advice, tried to convince yourself that it wouldn't be the end of the world if Yeri didn't want to text you back, but every time you began to write a hello or considered sending her something you chickened out.

Today was another day where you would visit Yeri. You enter her room, basking in the warmth of Yeri's now familiar and welcoming smile.

Wearing the third and final outfit of Yeri's project you shyly spoke out, "Well, do you think this one needs anymore revisions?"

You watch as Yeri once again eyes you up and down. Yet, something felt different this time. Or perhaps you were making things up in your head. You watch as she turns her head back up to you with shining eyes.

"I think you look wonderful."

You purse your lips as you feel your heart beating way too fast.

"Honestly, this is my best work yet! God, I'm a genius. Hey, one day Y/N I'm gonna become a top designer and you'll be my model again. Got it?"

You crack open a smile along with Yeri at the sight of her enthusiasm. Although you didn't really feel close with her, let alone as close as you wish the both of you could be, over the past couple of weeks it felt like the two of you had warmed up to each other.

"I really appreciate the offer." You tell her with sincerity in your voice. It seemed like there would be no more revisions though, and no more revisions meant no more modelling for Yeri. With that your happy mood seemed to be ruined as you sighed and spoke out. "Well, I guess I'll change and be on my way then. Thank you so much for allowing me to work with you, Yeri."

After all this time, you failed to get to really know Yeri. You felt upset at the fact that it felt like you just wasted a chance to do something. Even though you'd still have her number after today, it was a near guarantee you'd still be too chicken to ever message her something. Disappointment began to build up in your mind as you made your way towards a room to change clothes. All of a sudden you heard Yeri's voice calling out to you.

"Y/N, if you really want to thank me, why not go on a coffee date with me sometime?"

[shyvioletcat]

Please please fix it I can’t handle this please love the writing btw 😭

Hehe... so turns I needed to turn it into 3 parts.

Part 1 here

~~~~~

Rowan stuck to his guns and moved out. It didn't take the two of them long to figure out that a baby didn’t actually change anything or magically fix the gaping divide between them. All it did was make it all more complicated. He didn’t know where he stood in those early weeks, wasn’t sure if he should be checking in as much as he did, but he still cared for Aelin and wanted to make sure she was doing okay. Another thing he insisted on was that he go to all the appointments, something Aelin didn’t fight him about. She told him that this was half his baby after all. 

Today was their first ultrasound scan, the first time either of them would see the baby. After this they would tell everyone about the baby. So far the only people who knew were Lorcan and Elide, the people they had vented to these first three months. They were the only two of their friends that they could count on not to get overly emotionally involved in the whole fiasco. 

The silence was painfully awkward as they waited together, an empty seat between them.

“How’s the morning sickness?” Rowan asked.

Aelin shrugged. “Hasn’t been too bad. I can eat a fair bit now.”

“That’s good,” Rowan said.

“Mm-hmm, great,” Aelin murmured.

That was all their conversation was until the ultrasound technician called them in. Rowan followed Aelin in and sat in the corner as the technician talked to her. He barely heard a thing and just waited for the image to come on the screen. When it did and the technician pointed out the little human form something in Rowan’s chest ached at the sight of it. A quick look at Aelin showed her wiping away tears. 

Before he knew it the appointment was over and they were walking towards the front entrance of the hospital. 

“So, I’ll let you know when I’ve booked my next appointment with the doctor,” Aelin said.

“Sounds good,” Rowan said, sliding his hands into his pockets. “Hey, I’ve got some time before my lunch break ends. Want to grab something from the cafeteria?”

Aelin sighed. “I haven’t thrown up today, and I really don’t plan to lose my stomach on that questionable food.”

“That’s fair,” Rowan said.

“Bye then,” Aelin said and didn’t wait for her answer before she walked away. Rowan just watched her go.

By the next appointment Aelin had announced the pregnancy to just about everyone and hesitant congratulations had come in from their friends and family. No one knew what to do besides be happy that there was a baby coming into the world. This appointment was just a doctor’s appointment, and everything looked like it was going fine. Rowan walked Aelin to her car, even went as far to open her door for her. She rolled her eyes but she didn’t seem pissed.

“Your announcement was cute,” Rowan said referring to the photo she had taken with the ultrasound picture with a bib and dummy placed around it for decoration.

“Thanks,” Aelin said, ducking into the car. “I was aiming for cute.”

“Will you let me know if there is anything I can do, for like the nursery or whatever,” Rowan offered.

“I think it's a bit early for that,” Aelin said.

Rowan nodded and shut her door.

As time went on their after appointment chats got more civil, Aelin smiled more and started joking with him. Today they were finding the gender of the baby and Aelin was practically thrumming with excitement. 

“Boy or girl?” She asked him.

“Are you asking me my preference?” Rowan said.

Aelin shook her head. “No, which one do you think it is?”

“Oh, um…” Rowan thought for a second. “I think girl.”

“Really? Me too,” Aelin said, her knee bouncing. “Aedion thinks a boy. He’s so confident in it that I’m hoping we’re right so I can see his face when I tell him he’s wrong.”

Rowan chuckled at that and Aelin grinned. The technician called them in and Rowan stood and offered Aelin his hand to help her up. She looked at it for a moment before she took it, he may have led on a little longer than necessary — his thumb brushing over her knuckles. 

Again Rowan sat in the corner waiting. This time it felt like an eternity for the image to come on the screen, but then there it was. Their baby. When the technician asked if they wanted to know the gender the words were barely out of their mouth before Aelin said yes. 

Rowan waited on bated breath for the answer. 

“It’s a girl.”

“I knew it!” Aelin said, looking at him with a beaming smile on her face.

Aelin didn’t stop smiling even as they left the examination room, almost skipping down the hallways, a hand on her growing bump. They stopped again at the main entrance of the hospital and they both lingered.

“Did you have time today, for lunch?” Aelin asked.

Rowan was beyond surprised at her question, and he didn’t know what to say for a moment. “Yeah, I do.” 

~~~~~

Aelin had too much on her mind. First and foremost was the case she was trying to close, then there was the fact her heartburn felt as though it was ready to murder her. Thirdly there was whatever was going on between her and Rowan. It was a distraction she did not need right now. They were friendlier, most definitely. But in the long run that didn’t really mean anything if they couldn’t work things out. They were still a long way from fixing anything.

That was a conversation Aelin had vehemently avoided, claiming work and pregnancy made thinking about all that too stressful. She wasn’t wrong, but she could see the disappointment in Rowan’s eyes every time she brushed away the conversation. Since they had lunch after her 20 week ultrasound almost two months ago, they had been spending more time together, usually after her appointments. So things were better, but functional? Not really.

Aelin gathered what she needed for the courtroom, this would be her last hurrah before maternity leave and she was determined to win. She wasn’t going to let the fact that she had to send Elide out to get her a new blouse put a damper on things either. The one she had planned to wear had become too small and left gaping holes across her chest, so she had slipped a t-shirt over her skirt until she had a blouse that fit.

There was a knock on the door and Elide stuck her head in. “You ready?”

Aelin nodded and picked up her things. When she stood, the room seemed to spin a little, she stupidly had skipped lunch, so grabbed a handful of nuts to eat along the way. She could eat lunch after. 

The trial passed in a blur and now it was time for closing arguments. Aelin kept going over what she needed to say. She had this in the bag, she knew this case inside out all she had to do was be her dynamic and confident self and she could win this. Throughout the trail she felt dizzy, but she kept it together, but it was shortness of breath that was harder to overlook. All she had to do was ignore the concerned looks Elide was sending her way and close the case and it was done. 

This time when Aelin stood the room spun enough that she had to lean on the table in front of her to keep herself upright. She had to do this, her client was depending on her. Aelin started her speech, stepping out from behind the desk, but she didn’t get far before she needed it for support again.

“Aelin,” Elide whispered but Aelin just shook her head. She could do this.

Aelin walked away from the desk addressing the jury. But the edges of her vision were going dark and blurry and the pain in her chest was enough that a pained sound left her lips. Elide was beside her within moments, catching her as her legs gave out.

Panic set in as Aelin realised something was wrong, very wrong.

~~~~~

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