#if you've read this it means the world
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#iirc the datv embargo lifts in a few hours time#its exciting for sure!! ◕‿◕#(theres some good info out there about what u can expect etc)#everyones level of comfort/preference for spoilers or what they consider/dont consider spoilers or do/dont want to see beforehand#is different and thats valid#for me rn my pref is not seeing much more of the game than i have so far so i will probably not be watching/reading most of those bits of#coverage which are described as 'spoilery' due to this#im just at a stage personally where in the main the last thing I'd like to see now is just a good look at the CC and the CC options#and then just any of the more 'generic' stuff like any new official screenshots that get tweeted or if theres one more trailer or something#(know what i mean? maybe generic is the wrong word but like vague or general or something). and thats about it#so if i'm quieter on here or not postin about sth new that you've seen or focusing more on less-new stuff like V&V eps i didnt get a chance#to listen to yet or i dont know the answer to something etc thats why ^^#i've turned off asks and submit as well jic#sry for any inconvenience caused by that and for not following/posting everything in the coming weeks hh!!#its like a push and pull between wanting to be hyped with everyone/overanalyze every new crumb/wanting my blog to be useful and#not wanting to know much more about the game besides CC than i do atm hh#ultimately we will only get to go into this game and play this game for for the first time once so yea :D#(and in case it helps to know for your own curation purposes my datv spoilers tag is 'dragon age the veilguard spoilers'!!)#mj and the world
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had a very lovely conversation with my mom but I did laugh that she was like "I'm really glad you called 🥺" and I then hung up and saw my sister's texts, which were like, "LMAO HAPPY 8 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO THE MOST CHAOTIC COMING OUT POST" and I was like, ah yes, my mother is probably mostly relieved that this time around she didn't find out her eldest child came out as bi on Facebook in a rage via the family grapevine instead of like. calling home.
#to be fair i probably should've warned her about that one.#my mother was a bernie fan in the 2016 primary so I don't even really have an excuse lmao#i mean except for the catholic guilt but like. i don't need to say that. you've probably read my fic.#anyway i have a great relationship with my mom now#thx to the writing process for luminous worlds. truly healed me ngl lmao#it's FINE I'm fine and normal I'm going to go back to my weird academia reading for the evening lol
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If you like age-gap romances where the main characters' chemistry is OFF THE FREAKIN' CHARTS, you're not gonna want to miss this one! Have you pre-ordered your copy yet? You can grab one HERE!
#LesFic#SapphicFiction#wlwfiction#LesbianRomance#SapphicRomance#wlwRomance#this indie thing is rough y'all#please reblog to help spread the word#new book#sending my baby out into the world in 5 short days#and if you've read this far i'll leave you with a little treat#a quote from my beta#'omg you're actually ending this thing with LITERAL PORN?!'#...which i mean not really#because there is an epilogue chapter after that#but yeah#once these idiots decide to go for it#they can't keep their hands off each other#it's a fun one
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In typical Ferronickel fashion, I am now plagued with thoughts about how the Brontë's juvenilia would be different in a world where the military had dragons, a subsection of interests that is so irrelevant to everyone else that it's barely every worth mentioning on this site, let alone creating any fanworks about.
I'm gonna do a little incomprehensible rant in the tags about it and the go on my merry way. Please ignore the following
#look I'm just saying that letting lord Zamorna have a dragon would really change verdoplian politics#charlotte bronte closing her eyes and writing in the smallest book you've ever seen and excitedly envisioning the worlds most byronic drago#also william laurence would absolutely been one of her blorbos#i mean branwell was already obsessed with napoleon cough i mean ☆~Rogue~☆#laurence absolutely would have been a much fought over character in the bronte household#i have a feeling like he'd end up in emily's hands though#cause he's like absolutely the kind of public figure that those kids would have been obsessed with#i wonder if any of the other dragon captains would have been famous enough to end up in their paracosm but I kinda doubt it#admiral roland would be a neat addition#but I doubt she would be well known to history#anyway this is about the temeraire novels but I havent finished reading the last one so I'm not even going to tag them#if you got this far how dare you ignore my request for these tags to be ignored (lol)#i will continue to rotate these ideas in my mind#guess I have to reread glass town now#nickel for my thoughts
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Okay! Didn't want to have to say this but I'm going to say it!
Don't send me transphobic nonsense in your anon asks to me. Don't send your TERF thoughts to me and end your anon message with 'no hate' when you've just been hateful and invalidating. You might not be aware of this, but I'm a trans person, and this space on Tumblr and on my AO3 isn't a democracy and TERFs will not get their voices heard here. Good luck, keep trying, I love blocking bigots.
If you're transphobic and you read Underline the Black and I realise you're transphobic, I'm just going to start blocking you outright, deleting your comments. In this day and age, transphobic, hateful nonsense is everywhere, but it doesn't get to be here.
You don't have a right to have a voice here, you don't have a right to have your anonymous transphobic asks answered here, and you don't have a right to expect your comments to stay on my AO3 stories when they happen. And if, if by some chance, you have no idea you're a complete transphobe and you find your comment on Underline has been deleted? The only person you need to be angry at is yourself.
I'm trans, and I have too many trans followers to give any kind of airtime to transphobes.
Antis I will happily take on when I have something productive to add to the conversation.
There is nothing productive for me personally about giving space to transphobic views on my blog.
(And for everyone else, no this isn't currently a huge problem, but I've had about two borderline transphobic comments on Underline the Black and I've now gotten a transparently transphobic anonymous ask about it. I'm dealing with it now, and also making my stance clear. TERFs are banned in the Discord, you can expect that I maintain this view everywhere, including here and on my AO3.)
#PSA#transphobes do not get to argue about trans stuff with me#underline the black#underline the rainbow#i'm going to put an author's note on UtB as well#so folks are aware too#and if you're transphobic and reading Underline#just think about your priorities and why you want to be hateful#to one of the most maligned minorities *in the world*#and what it means to read a story written by a trans person#while holding the views you do#just like...think about your life and your choices for a moment#and how much you've drunk the JKR koolaid for a second#you can leave the cult of hatred any time#i really hope you do#transphobia
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Do u think Karkat and Jade share some sense of loneliness? With both of them not really being able to connect with other people for the first 13 years of their lives because of outsides forces (Being a mutant in Alternia and living in an island alone)
yea
i like to imagine they connect like that, just a small detail. its nice and really depressing, they turned out very differently.
though yes jades isolation is a bit more important (plot wise-ish) than karkats, but its still a very interesting parallel
With both of them not really being able to connect with other people for the first 13 years of their lives
i mean for karkat it was probably a nightmare, not being able to connect with anybody physically for years and just having to deal with yourself and just... with self loathing a part of it? yeah probably really lonely. though karkats life pre-sgrub is a bit more vague than jades, its kind of obvious that he didnt have any physical interactions (other than crabdad) due to the fact that he needed to be protected by well, alternias whole.. everything system. i think about karkats life pre-sgrub a lot, actually
and jade? loneliest girl on earth. she didnt really have anybody (except for her grandpa but .. You know. Dead. taxidermized. or after she was a toddler. i say 2 years old) and she was left on prospit wondering and the only time she was with another person was with a sleeping john in the other tower. and all the prospitians. but that was her main physical interactions (were not using bec because .. Dog. woof bark woof bark)
because of outsides forces (Being a mutant in Alternia and living in an island alone)
and thats the saddest part, it really isnt either of their faults for any form of isolation.
anyways sorry if i got anything incorrect or just kind of got things straight up wrong. its 1:20 am (as im currently re-vising) and i am too tired to correct myself
now i know this is more of a fully canon analysis. but i do want to give my opinions on how it would effect them after the game
using the fact in the credits that they do live together (with d*ve. why am i even censoring his name? because its funny) i think they would prefer to be close to each other. for karkat its more of the fact that i think he still would feel a bit sorry (not in the sense that he didnt feel all that sorry during the game when he was harassing jade, but i mean that the feeling still lingers from time to time) and would try to just stay near her to make sure shes alright
and jade would be near karkat because of the fact of their relationship during the game. i feel like after she did forgive him during the game she did get more curious. like the reactions he had with the passwords. probably just wanting to have someone around that was talking to her for so long and was bothering her while she was still alone, just the concept of someone who was bullying you for maybe.. MONTHS (i.e "CG: HI AGAIN, IDIOT.") (emphasis on again) .. YEARS?? (or on her part) is just.. near you. physically. it brings an awkwardness between them. from how they were isolated and bothering each other and now just... together ??? physically?? it probably is so strange to them . strange to me mostly but it is a strange concept in itself
but i digress this part, i just started rambling about it
#rganswer#its 12am i cant really put my mind to things im sorry#though i do think about how karkat made a secret in the meteor (alterniabound)#but then everyone dumped their shit into his room.. haha loser#but.. maybe im reading too into it but it could be seen as a form of coping (i do not want to use that word but it feels the most correct)#to just remind him of his life pre-sgrub#with how he bootlicked alternia? yeah he probably was taking it all in that he was just being reminded of how he just was stuck in his->#->hive to not get killed for being a mutant#i mean the fact it was 'to cope' feels like a bit too much of a read-in. he probably got in there just to calm down for a minute and get->#->back out#but jade? yeah she does not want to be alone i think thats obvious#yes she self entertains herself pre-sburb with well.. everything#she lives in the perfect place to be isolated#in your own little world to yourself#and a isolated island? its just like some classic fairytale#but instead of there being a prince you just kind of stay there#only communicating with some people online you've never seen#the best connections with humans#sad#isnt it??
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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Boo!
I'm the paranormal activity on your dash :]
#Udi posting in 2023? truly a christmas miracle#Now it'd be pretty funny if everyone seeing this collectively thought 'who the hell is this person?' I mean. UNDERSTANDABLE-#I've been gone for so long I don't even recognise this dash layout help??#Excuse me while I have a grandma moment trying to figure out where things are#Anyway I don't have much to post since I've barely drawn in all these months. So many art blocks stacked on top of more art blocks#(among other things)#BUT I still have some drawings here and there. Not the best I've ever produced but hey it's something#and you know what happens when Udi has an art block? Exactly. Cateeva content (and silly drawings) (。•̀ᴗ-)✧#Now it's time for me to fill my room with sticky notes reminding me to take things easy#you'll have to bear with my slowness for a little bit longer. Life hit me hard recently and everything feels so heavy to me#but I just didn't want to let this year pass without saying anything...#I actually missed being on here. If I see art or an oc from any of my moots I'll probably cry on the spot#Moot reading this you've been warned (🫶)#I'll shut up now. I really hope everyone's doing as good as they can. This is such an awful world#Udi talks
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Since today is Women's Day, I want to take a second to talk about a personal accomplishment. I've been writing as an intern for an entertainment news source for the last few months, and it's been incredibly rewarding. I have been given the opportunity to write about things I love, and they're published with credit. I didn't intend to pursue a career in entertainment writing, but I've fallen in love with it and want to continue on this path once my internship ends.
I've been able to write about a lot of women I admire, and some of them have even acknowledged my work. I love being able to support women, and it feels great when they support me back. I'm so happy about this internship, and I'm so grateful to the women that have taken the time to acknowledge and appreciate my writing. It's really cool seeing artists repost my articles, and also I'm extremely grateful for the women in my life who have shared my enthusiasm for this endeavor.
#Tina. you've been my number 1 cheerleader and I love you so much!! 🩷 thank you for being so enthusiastic about every single article#Kelsey. you inspire me so greatly and I appreciate the support you've always shown me#as far as women I don't know personally. Scene Queen reposted my article and that's really stinking cool#all 3 members of Millionaires reposted the full text of the blurb I wrote about them and Anissa sent a lovely thank you message#Daisy Grenade reposted my article on 2 different platforms and were very kind#when I met them irl Keaton complimented the article again and told me to keep writing#this internship is really the first time I've shared so much of my writing and it means the world that I've received so much support#I wish I could scream more about my writing here but the articles have my full name so for privacy I can't#if we're mutuals though and you ever want to read an article lmk!#this is such a cool experience I'm having and it really feels like a dream#anyway women are awesome. thank you women#ashley rambles
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It's not that what you like in fiction = what you approve of IRL or that consuming media = a meaningful form of activism, but I do think that to an extent, the way people analyze and talk about media can be revealing about what their personal beliefs are. And tbh the way some people in fandom talk about certain social issues I pray that they're never in a position of social influence or power over other ppl bc yeesh
#squiggposting#not about any person or post or take/opinion in specific#just something i've observed like#sometimes you look at someone's media analysis and you go 'okay so you live in a 1st world anglophone country'#but also sometimes it goes beyond that into 'okay so you would be a fascist if you had the opportunity to'#or at the very least 'you are disturbingly susceptible to propaganda'#sometimes 'okay so you don't know anything about history at all and are talking about things you don't comprehend'#but yeah it's like the difference between going 'if you like X you're a fascist'#versus 'the way you talk about X in the story and make real life comparisons is kinda fash ngl'#ultimately we are all just little freaks living our own lives that only have so large of a sphere of influence. but i do wonder sometimes#oh also the bonus flavor of 'i see you've learned the trappings of leftist/progressive politics but are only repeating what you've heard'#'and you mean well and think you're educated but you're actually like one well crafted hate speech away from some really bad shit'#'because you haven't actually unlearned any of your harmful beliefs you just learned socially acceptable rhetoric for it'#yknow it's just one of those typical Torment Nexus moments where ppl read about the dangers of the Torment Nexus#and go 'if I was in charge of the Torment Nexus i would wield it responsibly and only kill the right people'#or they go 'i don't understand why the person who used the Torment Nexus was framed as evil by the narrative'
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Zhu being all about creation and changing the world into something where the impossible becomes possible, meanwhile Ouyang rejecting every single option to live and pursuing nothing but destruction for destruction's sake, yup, could never have turned out differently.
#he who drowned the world#when i say i hate him i mean that i read that moment and screamed 'congrats dude you've just fucked yourself narratively'#it's very clear that zhu is his last chance before the car drives off the cliff#and the moron steps on the fucking pedal#great character writing but also fuck that asshole with a rusty řemdih
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-. me, holding ji.an.g ch.en.g, fu y.ao, and fe.ng x.in by the scruffs of their necks: oooh, yeah having a type is nOT a myth, actually, huh
#;ooc#;tbd#if that's your hairstyle and you've got grumpy anger issues that might lead to deeper trauma and plot#and also have some sort of 'beef' with another male character that is actually indicative of a deep bond between you two--#and this is just from things i KNOW i've still only got like a few toes into chinese media as a whole BUT I'M GETTING THERE#LIKE i'm only a few eps into s2 of t.gc.f though i did read that one online translation of m.dz.s#ACTUALLY IF YOU'RE READING THIS AND KNOW SOME GOOD RECS PLS DROP 'EM?#i've really only ventured as far as m.xtx and wor.d of hon.or#I MEAN i've watched 'bloody romance' and am 'the romance between tiger and rose' BUT YEAH#more with these kinds of dudes PLEASE~#'who rules the world' is already on my watchlist as well~#SO YES PLS THANK YOU~ gotta go back to doing some Responsibilities™ or whatever yes
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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still though actually what the fuck
#the more i think about it the more confused i am#'5sos inspires me to think and create' especially in terms of forensic psychology of world politics when they are Wrong#so in other words i've had a new idea and think i can save the world again. regular tuesday occurrence#it's a chain of bullies or something and all of us are dysregulated watching it and making intellectual mistakes as a result#every day i say i'm gonna reform christianity and it's gonna fix it all#two sides. you mean the people being oppressed by the people who are oppressing them who are also being oppressed by others#i'm always gonna target the top bully you know me. very pop punk#but fuck it's not two sides it never was who wrote that#the romans said gladiator fights were two sides when really. they should just not arrest them and make them kill each other.#which is exactly what israel vs palestine is. church history is proper haunting me. worse than riverstage does#also guys interact with my red line parody please. i need your help to actually record that. if you even care (ofc you do ik)#if you've read til the end of this ily
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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i really need people to understand that it is not up to you if people like you
you make people's lives better just for existing. it's not conditional. it's not because you make something they consume. it's because you're the only source of you there is and people like that you are that.
#the amount of times i have told people this#you need to understand that others care about you. the fate of the world depends on it. the fate of a kitten you've never met depends on it.#like#i need you to know this#you meaning literally anyone who reads this and goes 'is that about me?'#IT IS ABOUT YOU#there are MANY OF YOU FEELING THIS WAY.#AND I CARE SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA
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