#if you're letting me know privately about someone who is causing active harm that is one thing
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deathbypufferfish · 2 years ago
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Please stop sending me asks to use me as a speaker box 🫶 I do not want to ignore problems on simblr obviously, but I don't want to be used as an echo chamber about things I have no knowledge about. I'd rather see something for myself first than make a post that could end up being wrong or hurting someone. There's going to be people on here who are just vindictive so I don't want to risk being part of that.
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kkyaka · 9 months ago
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Summary: Shinsou Hitoshi, a vigilante with the goal of exposing the corruption of the hero world, meets you, and that causes tornado of events that spins your life around
Pairing: Shinsou Hitoshi x black!fem!reader
Word Count: 27, 459 (i'm so sorry)
Warnings: vigilante!shinsou, stripper!reader, miruko is reader's boss, reader's followed by a man briefly in the beginning, some innuendos, reader's quirk is half and half, kind of a slow burn if you squint, mentions of shindou x reader, lot of sexual tension in the beginning between reader and shinsou, mentions of blood and injuries, reader's father is a pro hero but didn't treat her or her mother well, lots of kissing, strip tease, usage of weed, orgasms under the influence of weed, so much smut LMFAO, shinsou gets hit with an aphrodisiac (everything is consensual), groping, fingering (f), oral (f + m), multiple orgasms, overstimulation, squirting, unprotected sex, grinding, 69ing, reader has a confrontation with her father, shinsou knocks out reader's father, shinsou's really big and hairy LMFAO, little bit of an argument between shindou and reader, deku makes and appearance, bakusquad works with shinsou, canon divergent kinda (takes place after the Paranormal Liberation Arc), mentions of things being blown up, lots of angst at the end with a happy ending (*sighs* i think that's it, if I missed anything let me know!)
A/N: Another long one boys, so sorry about that. Another favorite of mine lmfao, and I was also ridiculously horny while I was writing this LMFAO, so yeah. Thank you for reading if you can make it through this long ass fic, and reblogs are greatly appreciated!
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You yawn loudly as you step out of the building, shoving your hands in your jacket pockets as you walk. You finished later than you wanted, but money needs to be made, so you're leaving a little after two in the morning. The moon and streetlights allows for enough light so that you can see pretty far ahead of you. You wonder if you should hit up the convenience store on your way home for some food, and you briefly falter when you hear footsteps behind you.
You roll your eyes, wondering why this night, in particular, might be the one where you're fighting for your life. You don't let the person behind you know that you've heard them, but you need to figure out what to do quickly because you don't want to lead them to your house. It's practically a straight shot from where you work, but you don't want to risk them following you home another night.
An alley's coming up, and you hope that you can catch the person off-guard. You can hear their footsteps speed up once you make it about halfway down the alley and right as they try to break out into a sprint toward you, you quickly turn around, activating your quirk out of your hands. The force throws them against the wall, and you immediately harden it, keeping them against the wall.
You groan loudly in annoyance when you finally see who it is even though their face is just barely lit by the streetlight. "We've told you about this, Kenji," you sigh. You know this man all too well, and the fact that you've caught him again makes you sick. He has a history of harassing the women that you work with, even following them home. Mirko is very aware of his behavior, at first banning him from any private shows, but then she quickly banned him altogether.
Of course, that didn't seem to stop him, but there was only so much she could do. You've always been able to stop him, but some of your friends don't have the best luck, so they always go home together. "You know I don't mean any harm," he tries, but you don't believe his bullshit.
"I'm not fucking stupid. You're following me home, you fucking creep." You grab your phone, wondering if you should even try and call for someone to get him. Once most of them figure out what you do for work, the judgmental looks start, and they become either less willing to help or more willing for a price. It's a lose-lose, and you're about to just walk away when you hear something hit the ground right next to you.
You lift your arms up, getting ready to shoot them as well, but something's wrapped around your arms before you can even shoot. They're suddenly tied together, and you struggle against the restraints. "Relax, sweetheart. I'm not gonna hurt you."
You don't back down right away, only calming down as he slowly walks toward you. He immediately lets go of your arms, pulling the wraps back to him, and you can see they're sitting around his neck. "Can I help you?" you wonder. You can only see his eyes, his head covered with a hood and his face covered with some mask.
"It seemed like this guy was bothering you." You raise an eyebrow at him. "But you clearly have everything under control."
"So, why are you here?" you question, putting your hand on your hip. "Matter of fact, where did you come from?"
"I can take care of him for you," he says, ignoring your question as he steps toward you. You back up a little, and he's gently pushing you out of the alley. "How am I supposed to get him out of this?" You squint at him, but release the guy from the wall, the material turning into a kind of liquid.
Kenji tries to run for you, but the mystery man wraps him up before he can even get away from the wall. "Give me a second yeah?" he tells you, and he throws him over his shoulder before he scales the side of the wall, disappearing into the dark roof.
You stand there, looking at the now empty alley for a couple of seconds before you shake your head, throwing your hands up. You just want to go home. You're too tired for any of this. You continue your journey home, not even wanting to process the events that just happened until you're home in your bed.
"You're still going to try and walk home alone?" You hear the familiar voice, but it's definitely not coming from in front or behind you. You look around before you look up, seeing him crouching on the corner of the top of a building. He jumps down once you locate him, stopping in front of you, and now that you're back on the street, you can see the color of his eyes.
"I've dealt with him before, and I can handle myself." You continue walking, and he falls into step right next to you. "He'll probably be back anyway."
"You don't have to worry about him anymore."
You look over him as you walk. "And how are you so confident in that?"
"Trust me. He won't be bothering you anymore."
"You're telling me to trust a stranger?" you jest, and even though you can't see the lower half of his face, the way the skin around his eyes crinkle tells you that he's got some version of a smile on his face.
"You can trust this stranger," he counters, placing his hand on his chest.
"So, what brings you out here at this time of night, stranger?" you ask playfully.
"It's a secret," he answers, lowering his voice a little as he leans down to talk to you. "But I could be asking you the same thing," he continues as he stands straight up again.
"I'm getting off work, and don't bother asking what I do," you immediately add, not wanting to go through that conversation right now.
"Noted," he says. "Where you headed?" he asks after the both of you are silent after a while.
"Heading home." You look ahead before you look at him. "How do I know you're not a threat or something?"
"Wouldn't I have done something already if I was?"
"Maybe you're trying to see where I live, or maybe you're just trying to get my guard down," you claim, and he stops walking when you do. "And I don't trust you enough to show you where I live."
"Until next time then."
"What makes you so sure there'll be a next time?" He just gives you a shrug before he starts walking the opposite way, backtracking. You watch him until he disappears, and you shake your head again before you start walking to your apartment.
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"So, he walked you home? Was he really attractive?" You shake your head as you laugh, finishing up your makeup. Amina was one of the first people you met here, and she's been your best friend ever since. You both come from a similar childhood, so it's nice to have someone that can understand what you've gone through.
"I couldn't even see his face," you say. "And he didn't walk me to my door exactly. He might've helped me, but I wasn't gonna let him see where I live."
"And what about that creep? Is he really not gonna bother us anymore?"
"Dunno," you answer with a shrug. "I guess we'll just have to see."
The night goes smoothly without any hitches, and it starts to feel monotonous after a while. You've been doing this for a couple of years, and sometimes you want to divert on a different path, but there's a part of you that likes the repetition. It gives you a sense of security that you know what you're going to do throughout the day.
Honestly, you never really had an idea of what you wanted to do when you grew up because your father already had a path made for you before you were even born. It didn't take you long to see how corrupt the hero society actually was, especially since you were at the hands of it at such an early age. Your dad didn't treat you or your mother right, and she ended up leaving once she could.
You knew that she would've taken you with her if she could, but you don't blame her for getting out of there as soon as possible. Your dad ran you into the ground with training day after day, trying to solidify your abilities to use your quirk. The entire time though, you were plotting how you were going to escape from this. Once you finally turned eighteen, you just left. You were still in contact with your mother, but you didn't tell her that you were leaving so suddenly.
She wasn't anywhere near home anymore, so there was no way she could come get you. You were couch hopping for a couple of years, some of your friends had their own places you could crash at, and you worked odd jobs here and there. But that couldn't last long, and Mirko was suddenly picking you up before you could end up on the wrong side of the street.
She gave you work and a place to call home, which took you a little bit to get used to, but the friendships you created made it so much smoother. Your dad had been looking for you for a while, but then you never heard anything from him again. With him being in the top twenty pro-heroes, you always heard about him on TV or in the news, but you didn't think twice about it. He went on pretending that you didn't exist, treating you like a mistake since you didn't become the hero that he wanted you to be.
This obviously isn't where you saw yourself, but it gives you a powerful feeling that you didn't have when you were still with your dad. And your apartment is actually a really nice set-up, and you're making money. If anything, you're glad that Mirko found you when she did, and she also goes to lengths to make sure you and your friends are protected at work as well.
Private shows are always a little unsettling especially when the person is treading the line of being weird or off-putting. With your quirk, you could try and stop a situation from escalating, but if you're not fast enough, it could do from bad to worse in a second. There are no cameras in the rooms, but you all wear a necklace that detects sudden movements or if your heart rate begins to rise suddenly, and if you can manage, there's a button on it that immediately alerts the bouncers if there's something wrong.
Sadly, all of you have had to use it on more than one occasion, but you know that you'll never see that person again and that they won't harm any of you again. You all usually get breaks for as long as you want if something like that does happen and even if it doesn't. If you just need a break, Mirko is always understanding, and you've taken them on more than one occasion, especially when you first started working.
You finish the night with ease, and you decide to shower in your dressing room before you head home. You stuff all of your tips in your bag once you're done and dressed, checking in with Mirko before you head out of the back door. "You sure you don't want me to walk you home?" Shindou asks once you step outside.
You shake your head as you chuckle. "I'm sure. I can handle myself, I promise."
"Let me know when you get home, okay?" he relents, and you give him a nod before you walk off.
The walk isn't long, but you still check your surroundings as you walk, making sure you're keeping track of everything you're hearing. It doesn't take you long to feel like you're being watched, and you finally stop walking, looking up and turning in a circle as you look in the direction of the rooftops.
Something falls behind you, and you lazily turn around. "This kinda feels like stalking," you muse, letting your head fall to the side as the mystery man walks closer to you.
"I'm just making sure nothing happens to you on the way home," he replies with an easy shrug, and you turn around to continue towards your apartment as he walks with you.
"Really? You sure you don't have any ulterior motives?"
"Even if I said I didn't, you probably still wouldn't believe me." You look over him, realizing that his shoulders are no longer covered, and it really shows you how big he is.
"What happened to your...?" you trail off, circling your finger around his neck and chest area.
"I don't need it tonight." He holds out his hands. "Wanted to show you that I really mean you no harm."
You hum, squinting a bit before you ask him another question. "So, what's your deal? You trying be like that vigilante dude or something?" He laughs loudly at that, and you can't help but smile at the sound.
"I'm actually really good friends with him. I help him out sometimes."
"Really now? So, what's he like?"
"Some people that work with him thinks he's too laid back, and kind of an asshole."
You snort. "I can't say I'm surprised. My friend would be happy though, she's always going for the assholes."
"He's got a fanbase, huh?"
"I think the mask concealing his identity is what's really doing people in."
"Does the mask do something for you?" he asks, and the both of you stop walking, turning to face each other. You hear a hint of curiosity in his voice as you look into his eyes, the only thing beside his forehead that isn't covered. You stare at him for a bit, and he doesn't look away, his gaze strong.
"I'm honestly more interested in the guy behind it."
"Yeah?" You nod quickly, biting your lip to conceal your smile before you continue walking. You giggle a bit as you look over your shoulder since he hasn't started walking and before you can even turn your head back, you can hear his footsteps gaining on you.
Neither of you pick up the conversation after that, but the silence is filled with a certain kind of tension that quickly appears. It's not too long until you reach your place, and you stop in front of your building, spinning on your heel to face him. He looks over the building before he looks down at you, pointing towards it.
"Didn't take you long to show this stranger where you live," he jests, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Well," you hum, shrugging your shoulders. "You're defenseless this time, and I'm pretty confident I can take you."
"In a fight, or...?" You can tell he's wearing a smug smile on his face even though you can't even see it.
You him softly, a smile pulling at the corner of your lips. "What're you trying to say, stranger?" you question, stepping closer to him as you cross your arms.
"Nothing," he responds. "I'm just clarifying."
"Really?" you hum. You walk backward towards your building, and he stays right there, watching you walk towards the door. "Third floor. Three twenty-one," you tell him before you open the door. "See ya around."
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You haven't seen the mystery man in a while, and you're not really surprised since you've been watching the news. No one knows a lot about the vigilante because he's so good at covering his tracks. Some people speculate that he's working with other people; you don't really care to know, but you do know that he's making the pro-heroes nervous.
His specialty is exposing the heroes that are corrupt. He's somehow able to get access to things that gives him so much power. He's stated before that he wants to show people how corrupt the hero society is, and you have nothing bad to say about that because you know how corrupt it is, and what it can do to people. You and your mother have seen it first hand.
You shake off those thoughts as you walk home. Even though you can walk home by yourself, you find yourself wondering if he'll jump down from a building or magically appear next to you. You try to tell yourself that you are not disappointed that you didn't see him. You walk into your apartment, deciding to watch your favorite show to unwind and get him off your mind.
You throw your keys on the counter before turning one of your lamps on, and you nearly scream when you see a familiar face laying in the middle of your floor. "Can I help you?" you ask, walking over to him, and your face falls when you see him holding his side. Once you get to him, you realize he's bleeding, and you're quick to crouch down to him.
"Sorry, I didn't come sooner," he tries to joke, but when he laughs, he winces.
"What the hell happened? Why didn't you go to a fucking doctor?" you ask, pulling his hand away to look at the damage.
"It's not that bad," he tells you, and at least he's right about that. You sigh when you see that it just looks like a graze that cut just a little too deep. "Got into it with someone who was not happy that their secrets were out."
"Yeah, I saw that on the news," you say as you stand to get some things to clean his wounds. "Also, if there's blood on the floor, you're cleaning it up!" you shout from the bathroom, and he winces as he sits up to shed his shirt.
"Sure thing," he answers after laying back down and closing his eyes as he listens to you rummaging in the bathroom. He slowly opens his eyes when he hears you walking back to him, and you sit down on the floor with everything you need. He winces as you clean the wound before treating it and neither of says a word. You're mostly not talking because you're trying so hard not to focus on how ripped he is. You didn't expect him to be so hairy.
Your eyes gloss over the plane of abs he has, and you try not to let your hands linger too long on his skin. He's got tattoos covering his arms, and you look over them as you clean his wounds, but you don't ask about them. When you're done, you activate your quirk, putting a little on the wound, and he lifts his head to see what you're doing.
"What's this for?"
"It'll speed up the healing process," you inform, holding your hand out to help him sit up. He groans in pain as he lifts himself up.
"A healing quirk, huh? And you asked me why I didn't go to a hospital," he muses.
"Yeah, yeah. Just keep an eye on it," you tell him before you gather everything and bring it back to the bathroom.
"So, you can heal and trap people against the wall?" he asks, referencing when you first met. You sit down on the couch, and he follows suit, leaving a cushion in between the two of you.
"Basically," you sigh. "I don't really have a term for the material that I can make, but I can harden it and loosen it as much as it wants. I just have to be careful because I can also poison people as well." You smirk when you see him tense, and a laugh bubbles out of your chest. "Don't worry. I have to have really, really bad thoughts about the person for that to happen. So, you're in the clear."
He rests his back against the couch, letting his head fall back, sighing heavily. You don't say anything, but you keep your eyes on him, having a bunch of questions running through your mind. "I know you got questions, so ask away," he says, not even opening his eyes when he speaks.
"How do you even manage to find out all of this stuff?" you ask, and a smile tugs at the corner of his lips.
"They suck at covering their tracks," he answers. "You'd be surprised at how easy is it to find out about stuff like that." You don't respond, turning your head to look at the floor. "Is there where you try to talk me out of what I'm doing?" he questions after you're silent for a bit. You look up to see that his eyes are open and his head is turned toward you.
"No," you answer, copying his position before relaxing on the couch. "Just thinking that I wish you were around a long time ago."
"One of your parents?" he asks softly, and you nod your head as you look at the ceiling.
"I'm only here because my dad couldn't be what he wanted," you whisper. "The shit he put my mom and me through," you continue sadly. "Maybe if someone was doing what you were doing, we wouldn't have been in that hellhole for as long as we were."
"Can still do it," he offers, and you can't help it when a big smile forms on your face. You look over at him to see that he's smiling with you. "Better late than never."
"Yeah," you hum. "He's a suck-ass hero anyway."
"Doesn't mean you can't rub salt in the wound."
"Maybe one day," you respond before you let the silence fall between the two of you.
"I'll put in a word to boss man," he says softly, and you chuckle as you shake your head. "What?"
"I know you're the ring leader, mystery man," you respond, looking at him. "The cliche, "I'm friends with him" bit is so predictable," you tell him lightly.
"Was wondering how long it was gonna take you," he says. "I bet nothing gets past you, huh?"
"It tears my friend up that I can see through her lies," you laugh, and he quietly copies it. You stand shortly after, pointing towards the kitchen. "You want some food? You probably need it."
He grunts when he shifts. "You don't have to do that, I'll be fine." You roll your eyes before you walk away.
"I bet the people you work with get tired of how stubborn you are."
You smile when you hear him laugh before he winces. "They might get a little annoyed."
You don't fix anything fancy, just enough for him to get his energy back. You both eat quietly, the silence welcoming for you since you went down a painful lane of memories, and he doesn't seem to mind either. You hear something in his pocket buzz once you're finishing up, and he takes the last bite of food before he rummages through his pocket as he pulls it out.
You grab your dishes taking them to the sink, and you put in the dishwasher as you hear the chair softly scrap across the floor. You turn around to see him walking towards you, and you lean against the counter as he gets into your space. "Thanks for patching me up," he tells you softly, a small pulling at the corner of his mouth.
"Of course, but maybe go see someone who's more qualified," you jab, returning the smile.
He laughs quietly. "I think you did a pretty good job, so I'll be back."
"Just for that?" you question, knowing he's catching on to what you really mean. He doesn't respond, only leaning down until he's right in front of your face. You hold your breath as your eyes search his face as his stay on your lips.
"Maybe," he whispers, and when he leans in, you follow, but just as he moves forward, he's backing away from you. It takes you a moment to collect yourself, and you have to fight the urge to roll your eyes when you see the smirk on his face. "I'll see you around," he says as he walks to your window, and you scoff softly, shaking your head as you finally roll your eyes.
You look back towards the window, expecting him to be gone, but you jump when you see that he's standing right in front of you again. You don't even have time to say anything, his lips softly touching yours in a kiss that's way too short for your liking. Just as he was there, he's gone, and you can't even register him leaving, the feeling of his lips on yours putting you in your own world.
You can't help but smile as you gently touch your lips with your fingers, and you chuckle a bit before you walk over to close the window.
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You surprisingly don't have that many private shows tonight, only having two so far during your shift. You're not complaining on one hand because that means less work, but on the other hand, not as much money. You're walking out of your dressing room after fixing your makeup, getting ready to go back out when Miruko stops you in the hallway.
"I don't know who's in there, but someone paid a lot of money to see you," she tells you, and you frown softly as you stand in front of her.
"You don't know who it is?" you question.
She shakes her head. "He wanted to remain anonymous," she answers. "My bet is it's probably a hero who doesn't want his reputation tainted or something," she says with a roll of her eyes. "But if he does anything weird, you know the drill." You nod before she walks off towards her office, and you walk to the room you're supposed to be in, but you hesitate for a split second when you get to the door. You take a deep breath before you open the door, already starting to get into character.
You freeze when you close the door, seeing a familiar face sitting in the chair in the middle of the room. "What are you doing here?" you ask as you walk towards the one and only.
He shrugs as he leans back in the chair, his eyes heated as they look over your body. You slow your steps as you get closer to him, realizing that this is the most skin he's seen of you. "Dunno. Somehow just ended up here," he replies lazily, his focus on something else. He leans forward to try and touch you, but you stop him, softly wrapping your hands around his wrists.
"No touching," you tell him playfully, and he smirks as relaxes his arms a bit, and you let his arms go so you can turn on the music. When you turn around, his eyes are only focused on you, and you usually play it up a little bit more to get more tips, but you feel like you don't need to do that.
You walk slowly towards him, running your hands over your body once the music starts. He's leaning back in the chair again, and you sway your hips, letting your arms rest over his shoulders as you bend at the waist. He keeps his eyes on yours as you slide your arms over his shoulders, stepping closer to him until your lips almost touch.
You slowly work your way behind him, letting your arms slide down his torso, and you rub your hands over it, feeling his muscles through his shirt. "Y'know, I paid a lot of money to see you," he tells you quietly. His voice is barely audible over the music, and the only reason you were able to hear him is because of how close you are.
"I heard," you hum, letting your tongue gently run down his ear, and your smile widens when you feel him shudder just a bit against your arms. He turns to face you, and it takes everything in you to not lean in by just a hair and kiss him. You don't move, and when he starts to lean in, you quickly move away from him, pulling away from him entirely.
You bite your lip to hide your smile when it looks like he's frozen for a bit, and you walk back in front of him again. He follows you, and you turn around, rolling your hips in a way that makes your ass move. Your fingers slide in between your skin and the tiny shorts you're wearing, and you slowly start to pull them down, holding them as you slide them down your legs, revealing the clear thong you're wearing.
You bend over until they're at your feet, and you turn to the side slightly so you can look at him. His eyes barely cut to yours, focusing on your lower half. You slowly stand up straight, kicking them to the side before you carefully walk backward until you're right in front of him.
You bend over again, moving your hips side to side, and you nearly jump out of your skin when you feel his hands on your ass. You let them linger for longer than you should, but there's no part of you that doesn't want his hands off your skin. You grab his hands before you sit down on him, and you can't stop the gasp that comes out of you when you feel his bulge on your ass.
"No touching, remember?" you scold softly as you lean back against him, but he ignores you, running his hands over your tits before they travel down to your legs. He rubs over your thighs, and when you spread your legs just a bit, he moves them inside, closer to your center, and there's no way to ignore the throbbing that's happening in between your legs.
You're standing up again, but this time, you straddle his lap facing him. His hands run over your ass, and you push your chest into him. "What's a guy gotta do to get all this off?" he asks quietly, and you smile as you roll your hips to the rhythm of the music.
"Buy me whatever I want," you joke, and his slides his fingers under the strap of your thong. He starts to roll your hips for you, and you can't think when he grinds you right into his dick, and you bite your lip to try and fight the moan that was building up in your throat.
In your hazy state, you can feel one of his hands leave you, and you try to see what he's doing, but his lips suddenly touch your skin, and you melt into him even more. You let your head fall back to give him better access, and the soft kisses he plants over your neck is enough to drive you insane.
He says something against your skin, and even though it's muffled, you can tell that he's saying numbers. "What?" you breathe, and you let your head fall back to his level when he pulls away.
He repeats the numbers again as he slides his card into your bra. "Buy whatever you want," he tells you, and his hands slide up your back, on a mission to unhook your bra, but you're quick to stop him.
"Now, wouldn't this take all the fun outta this?" you tease, and he pushes you closer to him even though there's barely any space left in between you and him.
"What I have in mind is a lot more fun than this," he says against your lips, and then the music stops, so the only thing you can hear is how heavy the both of you are breathing.
"Really? Why don't you take me home then?" you question, and your fingers dig into his shoulders when he picks you before you've barely gotten your sentence out. He starts toward the door, and you're quick to slide out of his arms, opening the door and peeking your head out.
You check to make sure the coast is clear before you grab his hand and quickly make your way to your dressing room. "Wait outside for me," you tell him. "Use the back door," you add before you make your way inside, shutting the door softly.
He was the last person for your shift, so you're quick to put on your clothes and check in with Miruko before you make your way out of the back door. When you walk outside, you don't see him, and Shindou comes into view.
"You're leaving already?" he asks, and you nod as you start to walk away.
"Yeah, I'm done for tonight. I'll see you later." He tries to say something, but you're already walking away, wondering where the hell he went.
You're nearly at home, and you still haven't seen him yet. "You look eager." You turn around at the sound of his voice, and his eyes still look as hungry as they did at the club.
"And you aren't?" you bite back, and you start walking towards your building with him in tow. It's when you make it to your door that things don't go as planned. You both freeze when you hear that familiar buzz in his pocket, and the swear he releases is loud enough to echo in the quiet, empty hallway. You visibly deflate, neither of you saying a word, and you slide his card out from your bra.
"Keep it," he says when you try to hand it back to him.
"No," you respond, pressing into his chest. "You come back after you've bought me something." He smirks, grabbing your wrist as he crowds you against the door. He wraps his arms around you as he kisses you deeply, and you're glad that he's holding you because you're sure that you would've fallen because of weak your knees become.
You moan when he slides his tongue into your mouth, claiming every inch of your mouth as his. You wrap around arms around him when you hear the buzzing again. He groans against your mouth, giving you one last long kiss before he pulls away. Your breathing is heavy, and you know that your lips are swollen just like his.
"I'll be back." And you know that's a promise.
~
For some reason, you're still wired even though you swore you were tired when you were getting off work. You haven't seen mystery man in a while, and you're disappointed to say the least. You were so close to getting laid after the tension and been built up, and then the chance was ripped away from you in a second.
You try your best to shrug it off as you change into some comfortable clothes and fuzzy socks since it is pretty chilly outside and you're still a little cold. You don't have to work the next day, and you look at the clock on your stove to see that it's only one in the morning. You get off earlier than usual, and you don't have to go to work later in the night.
The first thing that comes to mind is weed. It'll definitely put you to sleep, so you decide to cook something because you get terrible munchies when you get high. You turn on some music, connecting to your phone to your speaker and playing it on a low volume.
You hum and swing your hips to music softly as you start cooking, completely engrossed in your own world. You're in the middle of stirring your pasta when something rasps at your window. You scream as you turn towards the window, jumping in place. You catch yourself on the counter as your eyes land on a familiar face, and he's sans mask this time, so you can see that he's laughing at you.
You groan loudly as you walk towards the window, unlocking it before sliding it open. "How ya doin', princess?"
"You are the worst," you sigh, stepping to the side to let him in. You walk back to the stove as you hear him step inside and close the window.
"You always scare that easily?" he teases, and you roll your eyes, but you can't help but smile.
"Of course, I don't. I'm in my comfort zone, in my own world right now, and you come out of nowhere."
"You weren't expecting me to show up?" he questions, sitting down at your island, and you don't answer right away because you don't know how to. Because not walking home with him kind of sucked, and you were disappointed to say the least. "You upset about me not walking with you tonight?" You wonder if his quirk has something to do with mind reading, and you tense a bit when you hear his words. "I'm sorry, baby, I got caught up with some shit."
"It's no big deal," you shrug. "You had stuff to do."
"I'll make it up to you." You've been looking at the pasta you've continued stirring, glancing at the clock to see how much time has passed since you starting cooking it. You haven't looked at him since he's sat down, and all you do is hum in response to his words. "Whatcha making?"
"Chicken alfredo." You grab a noodle out of the water, blowing on it to cool it off before you try it to see if it's soft enough. "I'm gonna smoke, and I get really bad munchies. Just preparing for the future." The pasta is to your liking, so you grab your oven mitts so you can move the pot off the eye before you start prepping to cook the chicken.
It already comes in the package, but sometimes you have to doctor it up a bit, and you set a pan on the eye, spraying it before putting your chicken in it. You strain your pasta water, shaking it just a bit to make sure the majority of the water is out. "Is this what you always wear when you're home?" he asks lowly, and your movements slow a bit as you realize that you're not really wearing anything.
You have your apartment pretty warm right now since your cooking, so you're completely comfortable in your thin camisole and shorts that barely cover your ass. As you move the pasta back to the stove, you don't even have to look at him to know that's starting hard at you. "I like to be comfortable," you chuckle with a shrug. All he does is hum, and you feel yourself growing warm, but you continue to focus on finishing your food.
You grab the alfredo sauce from the fridge as you try to keep yourself calm. As you start to finish up, your thoughts drift to how long it's been since you've had sex. Really good sex. And it's been more than a while, and it would honestly be the icing on the cake right now after what happened that night. He stays quiet, but the tension in your apartment has changed and both of you know it.
You turn the oven on so your food can stay warm, and you know it won't be long until you're chowing down on it. You finally turn around to face him, and you can't control the inappropriate thoughts that fill your head as you look over him. His arms are resting on the island, and you don't remember them being that big. You stay silent as you walk towards your nightstand where you keep everything you're going to need.
"You staying?" you ask, holding up the remaining weed you have. He wordlessly answers as he stands up and walks towards you. He walks past you, and his scent alone is enough to make your knees weak. You're quick to stop him though when it looks like he's about to get on your bed. "You're insane if you think I'm gonna let you on my bed in those clothes," you say, pointing at what he's wearing.
You don't care how it sounds, but you will not let any dirt get onto your bed. He just smiles at you, and you turn around so that you can figure out if you have enough for two blunts or just one fat one. It looks like you're just gonna have to fit it in one, and when you're done rolling it, you turn around to see him laying against your headboard in nothing but his underwear.
He has his arms resting behind his head, and the sight stops you in your tracks. "What's wrong?" he asks, a big smirk on his face at your reaction. You ignore his jab, slowly getting on the bed on your knees. You copy his position, getting comfortable before you light the blunt. His eyes are on you as you take a hit before offering it to him. The music is the only thing filtering through the apartment as you start to relax and let the weed fill your system.
You eventually turn your head to the side as it starts to swim, and you're able to catch him blowing out the smoke. You definitely can't stop yourself from looking over him now that you're under the influence, and your eyes start from his neck and make their way down.
You still can't get over how hairy he is, and how he seems to be covered in it everywhere. His arms, his legs, his chest is just covered in dark hair. And you thought he was big in height. You honestly want nothing more than to run your hands over his body, seeing how small your hands are compared to him. Your eyes continue down, and you can feel arousal wetting your shorts when you can see what's in between his legs.
"My eyes are up here, sweet thing." Your eyes are slow to finally meet his, and you see that he's holding the blunt your way. You carefully take it from him before taking a long drag, both of you holding eye contact as you do. You shift a bit until your shoulder touches his arm and goosebumps immediately cover your skin.
You turn a bit towards him, and it seems like he knows what you're thinking, so he does the same. He's practically kissing you when you blow the smoke out, into his mouth, and you only focus on his body breathing it in. You feel a little lightheaded, and you think it's because you stopped breathing for a second. He inhales the smoke deeply before turning away from you to blow it out.
You're mesmerized, barely registering when he turns back to look at you. You forgot how horny weed makes you, and you're practically soaking your shorts right now. You don't know if you want to make a move or not, but as you both finish the blunt off, the tension only gets thicker. He lets you take the last hit, and you stamp the blunt out in your ash tray.
You haven't thought about eating because all you're focused on is him. "Are you ever gonna tell me your name?" you ask. "In my head, you're just mystery guy." He smiles softly at you when you giggle a bit. He hums quietly before he reaches for your leg furthest from him.
You frown a bit at his movements, but you don't fight against them, letting him move you until you're his lap. When you let your weight rest on him, you suddenly feel how hard he is, and you wonder how in the hell you missed that. You can't help but moan when you feel him throbbing against your core, and you don't know how you're going to focus on anything else.
You let your hands rest on his shoulders as his rest on your waist before they move to softly squeeze your ass. "Shinsou." He's watching you carefully, and you're about to respond to him but he grabs your ass again, pulling your shorts up higher to expose more of your skin. He grabs your ass again, this time spreading you open, and you gasp softly as you have a hard time keeping your eyes open.
"Is that all you're gonna give me?" you manage to ask even though you're so turned on right now it's starting to hurt.
"Maybe," he whispers, and you don't really think you'd care right about finding out the answer because his hands rubbing over you feel too good right now. He rolls your body towards him, effectively grinding you against him, and you gaze falls to his chest as another soft moan falls from you.
You can't help but let your hands slide down his shoulders and to his chest, rubbing over his skin just like you thought about doing earlier. Your hands follow the curve of his muscles, and you keep going until you reach his happy trail which you desperately want to keep following.
"Hitoshi."
"What?" you mumble, still zeroed in on his chest, and you can feel the vibrations of his chest when he talks.
"Shinsou Hitoshi is my full name," he answers, and you smile as you look up at him, finally happy to put a name to his face. You let yourself fall forward a bit as you wrap your arms around his neck, arching into him.
"I like the sound of that," you respond, your face inches from his.
"Sound even better if you're moaning it," he replies quickly, and you don't hesitate with your response.
"Well, you know how to make that happen." He hums at your words, and he's suddenly flipping you over, and the quick movement combined with the weed make your head spin. When it finally stops, your eyes focus on him above you.
"You still with me?" he asks you softly as he sets his legs on either side of yours. You nod quickly, softly grabbing his shoulders to pull him down to you. He easily moves, planting his lips on your for another hungry kiss that you can't seem to get enough of. You know that you're already soaking the fabric of your shorts, and kissing him only makes you even more wet.
You guide his hands to your body, and he quickly follows through, running his hands under your tank top, and you arch into his touch. His fingers feel like they're burning a path into your skin, and you can feel yourself starting to get warmer. You spread your legs as far as you can when he starts to move down towards your shorts, and you lift your hips so that he can pull them off with ease.
He pulls away to look in between your legs, and he groans quietly. "All of this for me?" he asks as he throws your shorts to the side. You go to answer, but it's replaced with a soft moan when he runs his fingers through your folds. He grabs one of your legs, pushing it towards your chest as he rubs over your clit.
You move into his touch, shamelessly getting louder the more he touches you. "Come on, Shinsou," you sigh impatiently even though you feel like a few more circles of his fingers could have you cumming in an instant. He doesn't wait to slide his fingers into you, and your hands grip your sheets as he slowly makes his way in.
"God, baby, you're so tight," he whispers, watching his fingers move. They glisten in the moonlight coming in through the window every single time he slides them out, and he can feel his mouth watering the more he watches. "You always this wet?"
"Only for you," you reply, the smile you have on your face slowly disappearing when he starts to rub your clit with his thumb. He speeds his fingers up, and you moan louder when he finally finds that spot inside of you. He zones in on it instantly, pressing it every single time he goes back in, curling his fingers in a delicious way that has your eyes crossing.
He grabs your ankles in one hand, pushing your legs up towards your body when you start moving too much for his liking, and you suddenly find yourself trapped between the bed and his fingers. "'T-Toshi," you whine, and he groans loudly as you continue to repeat his name like a mantra. He's the only thing you can think about as your mind starts to go dumb.
Even if you're able to move your hips a little bit, he follows you no matter where you move. The squelching of his fingers moving in and out of you is audible in the room, and your legs start to shake when you feel your orgasm start to rush up on you. "I can feel you, princess," he tells you. "Lemme feel you cum around my fingers," he orders softly, and one more press of his fingers on your clit and inside of you is what sends you over.
You breathe his name as you cum, soaking his arm and the sheets underneath you. Your legs tremble in his hold as he fucks you through your high, and you squirm when the overstimulation starts to sting your nerves. He slows his fingers down, but he doesn't stop, his eyes watching how you try and fail to move away from his fingers. He finally stops after what seems like forever, and your chest heaves when he puts your legs down as he slides his fingers out of you and into his mouth.
He moans as your taste hits his tongue, and he makes sure to get every drop before he slides them out of his mouth. Even though your head is spinning from your orgasm and the weed, you know for a fact that you want all of him, and your eyes slide down in between his legs, and you can see how hard he is through his underwear.
His phone buzzes suddenly, but he ignores it, spreading your legs as he looks at your cum smeared all over your legs, but then his phone rings. He growls loudly as he gets off the bed, snatching his pants off of the floor, and he takes his phone out of his pocket.
"Shit!" he whispers.
"You have to go?" you mumble, and he slides his pants on before he grabs his shirt.
"I'm sorry, angel," he tells you after he walks to the side of the bed that you're on. He kisses you deeply, and in your influenced state, you follow after him when he pulls away. "It's an emergency. You gonna be okay?" He stays in front of you, making sure that you're okay.
You nod softly, and he turns around like he's looking for something. You're starting to feel tired, your eyelids feeling heavy, and they open when you feel something in between your legs. You look to see him gently cleaning you up, and he moves the blankets, covering you with them.
"I'll fuck you real good next time," he says against your lips, giving you another long kiss before he makes his leave. You smile at his words, listening to him make his way out of your window before you let sleep take over.
When you wake up in the morning, you sit up, upset that he had to leave, but it doesn't last long because you got a really good orgasm while he was here. You didn't get a chance to eat your food last night, and you walk down to your kitchen to see the oven's been turned off. You notice a bunch of stuff on your island, and you frown as you walk over to it.
You see a note on one of the boxes, and you pick it up to read it.
Noticed all the art on the walls, so I figured this would be good enough
Every box that you open has expensive art supplies in it, and even art pieces that are going for six figures. You scoff as you look over everything, and you happen to flip the note over.
I expect you to hold up your end of the deal ;)
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You stir awake, and a chill immediately runs up your spine. You're very much awake now as your body goes on full alert mode, and you move carefully, slowing rolling over onto your side. You're confident someone is in your apartment right now, and you can see that it's about two in the morning.
"You awake, baby?"
You recognize the voice instantly, and you sigh heavily as you sit up. Even though you know it's Hitoshi, you still jump when you see him standing at the foot of your bed. "What the fuck, 'Toshi. You scared the hell outta me." He doesn't move, and you slide out of bed, crossing your arms over your chest when the cold air hits your skin. It's pretty dark in your apartment, so the only light on his face is from the moonlight coming in from your window.
"You okay?" you ask softly, your brows softly furrowing in concern when he doesn't say anything. You notice that the look in his eyes is darker than it usually is, and at first you're wondering what could've happened, but then you remember where you've seen that look before.
"I got hit...with something," he mumbles, and then he starts to walk toward you, and you keep walking until your back hits the wall. "I dunno what."
"Okay," you say quietly. "Why didn't you go to a doctor or something?" You don't know why you're asking. He could be on the verge of death, and he'd still come to you to heal him.
"I don't think I need one." He rests his head against yours as his hands rub over your body.
"How are you feeling?" you whisper, making no move to stop him since you have an idea of what's going on.
"Feel really warm," he answers, and that's very much obvious when you touch his face. "And...tingly?" You chuckle a bit, and he smiles when you do but it doesn't last long as he lets his body press into yours. "And I'm fucking hard." You gasp when you feel it, and he moves his head down so he can start kissing your neck.
"I think you were hit with an aphrodisiac," you say even though both of you know that very well.
"Mmh, what should I do?" he asks against your skin as his hands slide around your body to grope at your ass.
"You can wait until it wears off," you breathe, your legs going weak as he starts to suck marks into your skin.
"Yeah, I'd rather just fuck your brains out." He's quick to pick you up in his arms after that, finally meeting your lips in a heated kiss that has you dripping. He makes the short walk to your bed, getting on it on his knees before he lays you down. You wrap your arms around his neck so that he can keep kissing you, but his hands aren't touching you anymore.
"You want this too, right?" You can barely hear him over your heartbeat in your ears, and he softly grabs your face with his hand, causing you to focus on him. "You gotta answer, baby, I don't have much time."
"Yes, 'Toshi. I want you, c'mon," you answer, pulling on his shoulders, and your consent causes his last string to snap. He's got your clothes off in a second, and then your thighs are suddenly by your ears. You jump as he puts his mouth on you instantly, and your hands grab into his hair as you prepare yourself to hold on for the craziest ride of your life.
He moves one of his hands to your ankles so that he can keep your legs out of the way as he slowly slides his fingers inside of you. His tongue works at your clit as his fingers press at the most sensitive spot in your walls, causing your moans to grow louder. "F-Fuck, Shin," you mewl, your breathing heavily now, and your stomach is starting to burn because you can't breath freely with your legs pinned to your upper half.
He only groans in response into your folds as he works you closer and closer to your orgasm. Your back arches as the pleasure starts to build up in the pit of your stomach, and shakily warn him of what's to come. If he heard you, he doesn't respond, only continuing his ministrations, and you swear he tries to reach deeper in to you, the squelching of his fingers moving in and out of you rivaling your noises.
When you start to squirm, he moves with you, not letting up for a second. "T-Toshi--!" Your soft shout tapers off into a gasp as you cum, and his mouth never leaves you as you squirt on his face. He makes sure none of it goes to waste as you try and fail to push him away from you to give you a breather. He sits himself up as he finger fucks you through your high, but he doesn't stop, and you try to grab onto his wrist.
"C'mon," you huff, tears forming in your eyes as you screw them shut from the overstimulation. He smiles down at you before letting go of your legs so he can lean down and kiss you, allowing you to taste yourself on his tongue, but he's still fingering you. You can barely kiss him back, whining into his mouth.
When he finally pulls his fingers out of you, it feels like you can breathe again. Your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath, peeling your eyes open to watch him clean his fingers off by sliding them in his mouth.  "God, you taste so good," he moans, savoring your taste before he kisses you again.
He slides his hand around your neck as he kisses you sloppily, sucking on your tongue before he pulls back with your bottom lip between his teeth. He starts to move himself up, taking you with him, and when he gets off the bed and stands, you realize that you're completely naked while he's still fully clothed.
You lean back, letting your hands hold your weight behind you as you spread your still shaking legs, grimacing a bit at the oversensitivity. You can't help but lock onto the massive bulge in his sweats, and he unties the string and shows himself before you can even say anything. Your mouth nearly drops open at how big he is,  your mouth starting to water just from looking at it. It's so thick that it's hanging there even though he's rock hard, and you tilt your head to the side as you admire the thick veins that run from the base to the dark red tip.
"I wasn't sure if I wanted to have you suck me off or fuck your tits, but it looks like you've already decided," he comments, and you look up at him through your lashes before you get on your knees, moving closer until he's right in your face. The tip is shiny and dripping with pre, and you lick your lips before bringing your hand up to touch him. He hisses when you do, gritting his teeth a bit. "Fuck, it hurts," he groans quietly, and you waste no time licking over his tip with your tongue flat, the saltiness hitting your tastebuds.
Shinsou moans softly, his body seeming to be ridiculously sensitive, that he's pretty confident he won't last long. He looks down to watch you spit on his dick, stroking him to make him even wetter. You try to take him down your throat, but you can't, only getting about halfway before your throat starts to close up. He swears loudly, letting his hand rest on top of your head as he tries his hardest not to move.
You pull off of him, stroking him again as you suck at his balls, and you smirk when you physically see his legs give a little. You make sure to show each one enough attention, swirling your tongue around them before you focus on his dick again. You place your hands on the bed, steadying yourself so that you can shake your ass just a bit while you suck him off, and he moans as he zones in on the movement.
His balls twitch in warning of his orgasm, and he holds onto the back of your neck before he starts thrusting in and out of your mouth. It causes you to gag, and his eyes roll as your throat closes around his dick. "Jesus," he sighs, letting his head fall forward so he can watch you take it. He knows for sure that he'd be able to see his dick print moving in your throat, and that thought is what sends him over the edge, pulling you off of him so he can cum all over your face.
You open your mouth to catch his release as he pumps himself until his skin starts to tingle from the oversensitivity. You swallow what lands in your mouth before wiping the rest of off your face with your finger and sliding it in your mouth. "Shit," he huffs, and you notice he's still hard, so you know he's nowhere near satisfied.
You haven't had much experience with aphrodisiacs, but you do know that they are intensely strong, and your pussy throbs at the thought of more to come. He sheds his shirt before he pulls you up to him so he can taste himself when his lips meet yours. You feel his fingers glide through your folds before they rub over your clit, and your nails dig into his shoulders as you feel yourself getting wetter once again.
You easily fall back when he moves, and he's on you again in a second, lifting his hips a bit so that he can line himself up. He makes you spread and hold your legs by your knees so he has room, and your toes curl in anticipation. He rubs at your clit before slapping it with his tip which makes you jump. "Hurry up, 'Toshi," you whine, and he doesn't waste another second. Your mouth drops at the stretch you start to feel, and he continues to rub at your sensitive bud as he slides in.
"Fuck, baby," he moans, "you're squeezing me so good." You've never felt a better stretch when he finally bottoms out, and you let your head fall back onto the bed as you feel yourself fluttering around him. You honestly don't know how he's holding out so well, but you appreciate the short grace period you're not sure you'll get again.
You give him the okay to move, and he pushes your legs down further than he did when he was eating you out. Your voice gets caught in your throat as he slams back into you with so much force that your headboard knocks against the wall. It doesn't take long for him to find that magic spot inside of you, and when he does, you're practically rendered speechless.
Your eyes continue to roll into the back of your head as you can only think about moaning his name. You try to grab any part of him you can as you hold on, the air feeling like it leaves your lungs every time he thrusts into you. "T-Toshi--f-fuck," you cry, tears forming in your eyes again. "O-Oh...my God--!" Your words are chopped up with every thrust, and he can feel how close you are because you're squeezing him tighter than before.
"'M'cumming--ah--!" Your nails dig into his skin as you cum, coating the both of you in your release as he struggles to stay inside of you as your pussy tries to push him out. He changes the angle of you hips as he throws his back, and the tears from your eyes keep coming.
"Ah, shit," he groans. "You're such a good girl for me, angel. Taking me so fucking well," he continues as he lets his forehead rest against yours, and you can feel his hips twitch before he fills you up, a loud groan following as he fucks his cum into you. When he finally slows and lets go of your legs, they flop onto the bed as it feels like your heart is going to be out of your chest. "That's some good shit," he mumbles, his breath fanning against your face.
He's still hard inside of you, feeling him pulsing inside of you, and you think he might give you a bit of a break, but then he's suddenly sitting up and taking you with him. You bite your lip to conceal your moan of surprise as his the tip of his dick sits snuggly at your cervix. You wrap your arms around his neck as he kisses you deeply as he carefully moves inside of you with shallow curls of his hips.
Your face scrunches up in pleasure as your spine tingles with overstimulation, and he watches you intently as he holds you close to him. He's hitting that spot inside of you so good while barely moving his hips, and all you can do is take it.
"'Toshi," you whine, your nails digging into his shoulders, and all he does is smile in response before your toes curl. You don't even have the leverage to move away from him, and you sigh heavily when he finally pulls you off of him.
He carefully lays you down before he flips you over, propping you up on your knees. You try to catch your breath as he runs his hands over your ass. You moan softly when he runs his fingers through your folds, and you jump when he gently pinches your clit.
He takes his dick in his hand, smacking it against yours as as he continues to play with your clit. "You ready for me again?" he whispers, and you nod your head, looking at him over your shoulder.
He pushes on your back, forming it into a deeper arch. "Spread 'em, baby." You move your hands back, spreading yourself open for him, and the sound it makes due to how wet you are is close to making you flush.
You feel him rub over your back as he slides into you, and he holds your back when you try to move away from him. "You got it, angel, just take it," he coos quietly, and your mouth falls open as he fills you up again.
"Oh, my God," you breathe as you let your face fall into your pillow. He gives you a shallow thrust that has you gasping, and you put your hands back on the bed to brace yourself. He's so big, you don't know if you'll be able to walk after all of this.
You push back against him to silently tell him you're ready, and you hold your breath in anticipation when he slides out of you. You cry out when he slams back into you again, your fingers gripping your pillow as your eyes roll back in your head.
He's ruthless, ramming into your sweet spot so well that words aren't even forming in your head. Hitoshi grabs the headboard with one hand as he keeps his hand on your back, and you can hear him swearing softly as he fucks you.
Tears dot your lashing as you squeeze your eyes shut, taking him all, and you moan when his hand slaps your ass hard. You say his name like a mantra, feeling your orgasm building up in your tummy. Despite that, you're still trying to move away, trying to find his arm to stop him.
He suddenly moves both of his hands to your wrists, pinning them to the bed as he rests his top half on your back. "Don't run," he whispers, and you swear you can hear a smirk around his words. He speeds his hips up, and you're trapped by him and your own pleasure, and you call out his name as you start to cum.
His hips slap against yours, and he groans in your ear as he cums right after you, filling you up again. Your nerves tingle with sensitivity, whining as he keeps fucking you while he rides out his high. When he stops, you can feel that he's still hard, and when he finally slides out of, your lower body collapses onto the bed.
You're breathing so hard, and you can barely move your legs. You hear Shinsou shift behind you, and you whine quietly when he rolls your over. He sits back against the headboard before moving you onto him, and he pulls you into a sloppy kiss as soon as you sit on him.
Your makeout is audible in the room, and you moan into the kiss, wondering if it's possible if the aphrodisiac can be transferred because you feel dizzy just from this alone. He starts kissing over your face before he kisses down your neck as his hands run down your back and to your butt.
"Wanna give you a break," he mumbles against your skin before he gently sinks his teeth into it. "But you're making it so hard," he groans, and you let your head fall back as he continues to mark your skin.
You start to roll your hips causing him to moan, and his fingers dig into your ass. You can't keep it up for long, but he immediately takes over, rubbing you over him. It feels good for you too, but it isn't as overwhelming, so you let him use you, reveling in the sounds he's making.
He thrusts up into you, and you hold on to him as you take your turn to put marks on his skin. "Fuck, 'm so close," he grunts, his hips lifting up to meet you so hard that it nearly sends your head into the headboard.
He says your name right before he cums, and he bits down on your shoulder, holding you tight in his arms until he relaxes again. You pull away when his grip loosens, and you look down to see the mess that he's made.
"God, why am I still hard?" he groans when he looks down with you.
You giggle softly. "You feel a little better though, right?" you ask him gently, moving some of his hair that's stuck to his forehead.
"Yeah," he sighs with a short nod. He watches you move backwards until you're between his legs, and he spreads them to give you room, knowing what you're going to do.
He watches you with dark eyes as you clean up the mess he's made, and he moans when you finally lick over his dick. You arch your back, sticking your ass up as you take him into your mouth, and his head rests against the headboard as his eyes roll.
You keep your eyes on his as you take all of him, moving your tongue so you can lick at his balls, and his hips jump softly at the sensation. You keep your lips tight around his dick as you pull off, swirling your tongue around his tip before you dip into his slit.
"S-Shit," he moans. "Fuck. C'mere," he groans, and you pull off of him, wondering what he's talking about. He softly pulls you up by your arms, and you shuffle closer to him on your knees. You let him turn you around, and he slides down on the bed until his face is right in front of your pussy.
"Toshi, this is about you--!" you try, but he's already put his mouth on you, his tongue nailing your sensitive bud.
"Then let me taste you again," he says against you, and you don't have it in you to fight him. You can't even move away from him, his grip on you so strong, you're confident there'll be bruises. "Keep sucking me off, angel."
You moan as he eats you out, but you put him back in your mouth, focusing your mouth on his tip as you use your hand on the rest of him. You can't keep it up for long as your concentration is split, and you can feel your legs trembling.
Shinsou suddenly grabs your hips, pulling you down until you're sitting on his face, and you sigh at the relief you feel once your legs are relaxed. "W-Wait, Toshi, you can't breathe," you moan, and he responds with a slap to your ass.
You hear him say something against you, but you can't hear him, moving your hips against his face as you feel yourself getting close. You swirl your tongue around him again, the only thing you can manage since your mouth is stuck open as you moan his name while you wrap your hand around him.
You cum not too long after, your body tensing as that knot snaps before you ride out the high. He cums right after you, a loud groan muffled by you as he paints himself and your hand white.
You fall over, getting off of him as soon as you can move so that he can breathe, and he's already on you again. He kisses you hard, allowing you to taste yourself on his tongue, and you moan when he rubs his fingers through your soaking folds.
"You better call outta work," he says against your lips.
Yeah, you probably should.
~
You've never been more grateful that Miruko is understanding and let you take the night off on such short notice. When you wake up, Shinsou is snoring loudly next to you, but you couldn't even tell because you were drained yourself. You try to roll over and everything pulls painfully as soreness blooms between your legs. "Good lord," you hiss softly as you try to sit up. Shinsou barely stirs, and you slowly reach for your phone so that you can order some food.
You weren't sure how long the effects of the quirk would last, but five hours was definitely not what you were expecting. He tried to give you breaks every and now and then, letting you tap out when it was too much for you, but it wasn't long before he was in between your legs again. He just couldn't get enough of you, and you honestly want to know what kind of aphrodisiac it was and lock that person up.
After the last round, the last thing you remember is Shinsou pulling out of you and laying you down. He must've fallen asleep right after you did, but now it's about to be late in the evening. Even though you've slept the day away, you still feel like you could sleep for another day. It'll take a while for the food to get here since you ordered enough to feed a small family, possibly more. Once you confirm the order, you flop right back into bed, letting sleep take over again.
You try your hardest to get to the door when you hear the knock because you just woke up, and you don't know how long they've been knocking. You're not surprised when Shinsou doesn't stir, and you wrap yourself in your robe before limping to the door. God, you're going to need to soak.
"Sorry--" You stop talking when you see Shindou on the other side of the door instead of your food. "What the hell are you doing here?" you ask, closing the door slightly as you take a couple of steps towards the hallway.
"Miruko told me you called out, I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he answers, and you give him a small smile as you tighten your robe.
"Oh, well, thanks. But I'm totally fine, I was just feeling a little under the weather," you lie, hoping that he doesn't ask to come inside as your grip on your door tightens a little. You don't know what to say so it gets quiet and suddenly Shinsou's snoring starts to replace the silence. You see Shindou's face change a bit, and you try to change the subject. "Well, thanks for stopping by, I'm totally okay. I'll see you later, okay?"
"What's going on?" he asks when you try to close the door, stopping the motion softly by putting his hand on the door. "Are you really okay?"
"Yes," you respond tightly, inhaling sharply.
Suddenly you notice that the snoring has stopped. "Baby?" You freeze at the sound of Shinsou's voice raspy from sleep. "Who's at the door?" You turn your head to look at him, seeing him slowly sitting up. You turn your attention back to Shindou when he calls your name, and you try to figure out a way to get him to leave because he cannot see Hitoshi.
The look on Yo's face in unreadable. "You're seeing someone now?" He sounds almost offended, and you can't help but scoff.
"Yo, come on. We've been broken up for a while. Don't be like this, I do not have time," you state firmly. "Thanks for coming to check on me, but I'm fine." You try to close the door, but he stops you a bit more forcefully this time.
"Seriously? 'A while'?" he quotes, "did I mean nothing to you?" You sigh heavily waving your hand as you see Shinsou getting out of the bed in your peripheral.
"Yo, you can't be serious right now. Don't get pissy because I'm seeing someone," you say. "How is that fair? You know why we broke up. It was your own damn fault." He tries to speak, but you don't let him. "No, you need to leave. I don't know why you think that you can show up and have the audacity to get pissed because I'm in a relationship."
"I didn't--"
"Oh, but you did," you interrupt. "Leave, Shindou. I'm expecting food soon." You sigh again before you close the door, locking it as you see Shinsou walking over to you, still naked.
"Who was that?" he asks before he kisses you, his voice genuine.
"Someone I work with," you answer at first, and he raises an eyebrow.
"Was it that bouncer?"
"How'd you know that?"
"I see how he looks at you," he says simply with a shrug. "I guess it didn't end well between the two of you."
"Yeah, and I don't wanna get into it honestly."
Shinsou holds his hands up, pulling his lips down at the corners. "And I'm not gonna ask. That's your business, angel." You nod your head softly, but you don't respond, upset at having your whole mood ruined. "Pretty sure he's still standing outside the door," he whispers to you. "Want me to say something?"
You quickly shake your head. "No, he doesn't need to know what you look like," you whisper back.
"It's not like he's gonna know, right? And what's he gonna do, huh?"
"No, 'Toshi," you sigh. "I don't wanna have anymore drama, and I don't want you to get found out," you explain. "Also you're fucking naked." He chuckles which makes you smile, and he kisses you softly a couple more times.
"You're starving too, right?" he asks when he pulls away, his stomach grumbling.
"Yeah," you laugh softly. "It should be here any minute." As if on cue, there's a knock on the door, and you check the peephole before pushing Shinsou out of sight so you can open the door without having him flash the poor guy.
You take the food but before you can even ask for the price, the man speaks before you do. "Don't worry, miss. It was already paid for," he tells you, and you frown at him. "I guess he's your neighbor? I passed him on the way out." Your face falls, and you give the man a friendly smile.
"I'll be sure to thank him. Thank you so much and have a nice day." You close the door before you set the food on the counter.
"Ooh, free food," Hitoshi speaks up as he starts to take the food out of the bag. He said it more to himself, but you can't even find yourself to laugh at his reaction. "He didn't like your job, right?"
You hadn't even realized you'd zoned out, staring at the countertop. You look at Shinsou after he speaks, and you nod your head after releasing another tired sigh. "He was incredibly jealous. I don't know if he was always like that though. And if there was any guy that touched me the wrong way, it took more than a couple of dudes to stop him from killing him."
Shinsou doesn't say anything, he just eats and listens to you, and you finally sit down at the island next to him. "I'm pretty sure Miruko didn't want us dating co-workers, but it honestly didn't last long, and I broke it off once he started acting like that." He pushes a couple of the containers your way. "This doesn't bother you?"
"Why would it?" he says before eating some noodles. "I already know I'm better than him, and by your reaction, I have nothing to worry about. So, I'm chilling." He opens one of the containers he slid towards you. "Now, stop moping and eat this before I eat it all." You can't help but laugh as he holds the fork your way, and you eat off of it. You both talk about random stuff as you eat, and it doesn't take long for you to get out of that mood you were in.
Once you're done, you spend the rest of the day in bed with Shinsou, and you end up sleeping the night away as well.
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You freeze when you walk into the room, wondering if this is a joke. You clear your throat as you walk towards the man, doing your best to keep your cool.
"One of the top pro-heroes in my room," you say. The man's face starts to turn pink a bit, and you can't help but smile. "What are you doing here, Deku?" you question as you slide your hands over his shoulders.
You honestly should've expected it to be a hero when you saw how much money was paid. Pro-heroes always go over the actual price, and you assume the rest of it is hush money. It makes you roll your eyes; you have better things to do then telling people which heroes come to a strip club.
He can barely meet your eyes as he answers. "I, um, wanted to ask you something," he whispers, and that makes you frown a bit. He hesitates, and you sit on his lap, his body tensing horribly when you do.
"And what would that be?" you whisper. It takes him a while to finally speak, but when he does, you're frozen.
"I know you know who the vigilante is."
You jump back a bit, trying your best to keep your heart rate from spiking so that you don't alert Miruko. She just recently got some heart rate monitors to try out and you know the moment it spikes, she'll make sure he's out of here.
"And?" you continue, running your hand over his chest, stopping at his heart to see if you can detect a change in his heartbeat. But you don't feel anything, he's completely serious.
"I want in," he states, that nervous demeanor he had nearly gone.
"Want in on what?"
"We both know what I'm talking about here," he responds.
"And what makes you so sure that I can help you with that?"
"A lot of heroes are trying to track him down, but they haven't been very successful," he answers.
"And you have?"
"Why do you think I'm here?" he asks, and you glance off to the side for a split second.
"I'm not a part of what he's doing. There's no guarantee that I can even get "you in"," you quote.
"But you know him. That has to be something, right?"
You frown. "Why would a top hero want in on something that's sole purpose is to expose corruption?"
"Because it's not at all what people think it is. I thought it would change after..." He trails off, pulling his fingers under his thumb to pop them. "But it's still the same shit."
You suddenly get off of him, and his face falls a bit as you start to leave. "Is that all you wanted?"
"Wait!" he says, standing quickly.
You turn around. "Is that all you wanted?"
"Yeah," he says after clearing his throat.
"I'll see what I can do." And then you make your leave.
~
You make your way inside your apartment, but after the conversation you had tonight, you can't really find it in you to go to sleep as soon as you get there. You get in the shower, and you lay in bed, mindlessly watching TV. It's a random show that you put on that you've never seen, but you're not really thinking about watching it.
You're scrolling on your phone, wondering if you'll see Shinsou tonight. You haven't seen him in a while since he's had to lay low because of a close call he had a couple of weeks ago. It's better to only have contact with him in person, so you can't even tell him about what happened at work.
You roll over on your side, and your eyelids start to feel heavy when you blink. Your eyes finally close after a while, your phone falling from your hand as you start to fall asleep when you hear something at your window. You don't move, the sound barely waking you up, but your eyes open when you hear footsteps.
You sit up, seeing Shinsou walking up the stairs, and you smile as he walks over to your side of the bed. You give him a sleepy smile as you fully sit up, and he returns it with soft smile of his own. He leans down, resting his hand on your neck before he kisses you softly.
"Hi, 'Toshi," you hum after he pulls away, and his smile widens at the sleep in your face and in your voice.
"Hey, baby," he whispers warmly. "Didn't mean to wake you."
You shake your head slowly, letting your head fall to the side a little when he continues to rub his thumb over your neck. "I just fell asleep, so you're fine." You yawn quietly, blinking the tears away from your eyes. "Are you supposed to be here?"
"I don't have much time, but I just wanted to see you. Let you know that I was okay," he answers. You hum as you close your eyes, your smile going as big as it can in your sleepy state.
"Well, thank you for coming."
"Of course. How was work?" Your smile falls at his question, and he frowns just a little bit at your reaction.
"Someone came to me looking for you," you tell him, and he takes a half step closer to you.
"They didn't hurt you, did they?" he asks, and even though his body doesn't show that he's angry, the change in his voice does.
"No," you answer with a shake of your head. "They know that we've been seeing each other, and they asked me if I could get them to you," you explain. "They want in."
"Who was it?" he questions quickly.
"Deku," you say with a laugh. "Can you believe that?"
"He wants in? What does that mean?"
"Beats me," you answer with a shrug. "I guess the corruption is too much for him. But he doesn't have to join you, he could literally just leave," you sigh, shaking your head as you roll your eyes. "I told him I'll see what I can do, but I said that I wasn't even a part of it, so there was really nothing I could do."
Shinsou sighs as he looks to the side, and he lets his hand fall from your neck before he steps back, turning around, running his hand through his hair. You frown as you watch him, and you move the blankets off of you so that you can stand. "What's wrong?" you ask, grabbing his wrist, and he turns back around to face you.
"I didn't mean to get you mixed up in all of this," he tells you softly. "I don't like knowing that there's a chance I'm putting you in danger."
"I can handle myself, and they seem to only approach me at work," you tell him.
"But if they know where you work, then there's a chance that they could know where you live," he emphasizes, and you didn't think about that since your brain is still tired.
"Oh, yeah. I didn't think about that," you say plainly, letting your shoulders drop. "So, I should probably be laying low too, then," you continue.
He sighs heavily as he nods. "I'm sorry, angel. I didn't mean for you to wrapped up in all of this."
You shake your head. "Don't worry about it, 'Toshi. I kinda knew what I was getting into when I met you," you tease, pushing on his arm softly, and he finally smiles. "I'll call Miruko and tell her what's going on. She'll understand."
He nods, sighing again. "I should probably see if Deku's being legit."
"Well, be careful, okay?" You lean up to kiss him, and he easily meets you halfway.
"Of course."
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"Did we really have to meet here? It almost took me an hour to get to this place."
"I don't have any reason to trust you right now. You could just say I'm being cautious," Shinsou responds, crossing his arms over his chest.
They're nearly out in the middle of nowhere, and there's no reception here, so there's no way Deku can call for anyone just in case he's planning something else. But Shinsou knows him, so he already has plans in place in case things go south.
"We went to high school together. That has to count for something, right?" he laughs.
"Yeah, but there's a lot of years unaccounted for. That was a long time ago." Shinsou stops him before he can even speak again. "What are you really doing here? I don't appreciate you going to people that aren't involved," he says. "You come to me if you want to talk to me."
"Alright, alright. I'm sorry, it won't happen again," Deku sighs, and Shinsou stays silent, wordlessly telling him that he can continue. "I got a lot of information that could be beneficial to you."
"I guarantee you that what you have I already have. And just because you give me information, doesn't mean that you're automatically a part of this."
"Who are you going after next, huh? Someone that's in the top ranking, right? I got everything that you could think of."
"Let's see it then," he sighs. "I guess some things don't change," he adds when he sees the notebooks that Deku pulls out.
"Well, you seem to be a wiz at technology. Anyone would be stupid to keep secrets on any piece of it." Deku hands it to him, and Shinsou makes sure to stay aware of his surroundings as he looks through them. He reads through most of it pretty quickly, already knowing about all of this stuff, but he slows when he sees stuff that he's never heard before. "Told you."
"How'd you get this?" Shinsou asks, reading through a couple of the pages.
"It's what happens when you're friends with these people. Alcohol makes people say anything around the people they trust." He flips through the notebooks a bit more before he closes them, looking back at Deku.
"And I'm just supposed to trust you just because you have all of this?"
"Listen, you're doing work that's needed, but it's not enough. All of this runs way deeper than you think," Deku argues. "And if you have someone on the inside, then you can get to the bottom of it."
"So, you think that once all of this goes away, everything will be the way you want it?"
"We have to at least try, right?" Shinsou chuckles softly, shaking his head.
"Don't you get it? None of this is going change anything," he says, shaking the notebooks in his hand. "Once you go on, there's a very big chance that all of this will start again."
"Then why are you doing it?" he counters quickly. "You're spending all of your time knocking all of these heroes down, and for what? What's your end goal?"
"I'm not gonna be here for much longer," Shinsou answers after he's silent for a while. "I'm just having fun at this point, but this is never gonna stop. I'm just doing what I can before I finally move on." He hands him back the notebooks. "I realized a long time ago that this is just an endless cycle. I've got a few more things I wanna say, and then I'm out of here."
"Then take me with you," Deku tries. "I'm on the same page. This is never going to change."
Shinsou squints at him, crossing his arms again. "I don't think it'll be that easy for you," he says honestly. "Even after what happened in high school, you still came back to all of this, and now you're a big part of it. It's gonna take more than giving me information for you to finally detach yourself from an impossible reality."
He doesn't respond, and Shinsou nods before taking a couple of steps back. "I'll let you think about this. You know where to find me."
Shinsou walks away, leaving Deku standing there holding onto every word he said.
~
Being trapped in your own apartment isn't so bad, but you sure are getting bored going between your bed and the rest of your apartment. You've been finding new shows to watch in between working on some more art pieces, but those don't really hold your attention for long.
You're laying on the floor, scrolling through your phone when you hear a familiar sound at your window. You smile as you sit up, already knowing who it is. You stand up to meet him halfway, and you practically fall into him, wrapping your arms around him. "I'm guessing this isn't going well," he laughs, and you groan before you move your head up to look at him, resting your chin on his chest.
"I'm so bored!" you sigh, whining as he picks you up and walks over to the couch. "I feel like I've done everything I can. Nothing is keeping my attention anymore," you say, and he smiles as he listens to you talk, getting comfortable on the couch.
"Well, I'll be staying here for a while, so hopefully that helps."
"Really?!"
"Yeah, if you don't mind," he says around a chuckle. "Things are getting kinda heated, so we're splitting up for now." You hug him tightly, your body relaxing as you sigh.
"Thank God. I really thought the boredom was gonna kill me." You kiss him softly, further relaxing into him as his hands rub over your back, finding their place on your ass. "Is it safe for you to stay here, though?" you ask.
"More or less," he answers with a shrug. "I've got your building secure, so I'll know if there's something wrong."
You nod before your eyes catch onto one of the paintings you made. "You know, I never got to thank you for all that art you got me a while ago," you say, and he smiles softly, rubbing his hands over your ass.
"Well, I'd say you thanked me pretty well after that aphrodisiac," he replies, and you hum, feeling his hands start to roll your hips against him. "I think you should thank me again after saving you from boredom," he adds quietly.
"Really?" you whisper, already moving in to kiss him again. He's quick to pick you up again, making his way to your bed. He carefully walks up the stairs as he gets rid of your clothes, and he softly places you on the bed before quickly removing his.
He hovers over you, setting his knees on either side of you. He kisses you softly, his fingers drift over your skin so lightly that it's almost ticklish. The sensation makes you arch into him, and you wrap your arms around his neck.
One of his hands continue to move down until it reaches your pussy, and you jump softly when you runs his fingers through your folds even though you were expecting it. He kisses down your face, planting kisses all over your neck as his thumb rubs over your clit.
One of your hands slides into his hair as you spread your legs, and you moan softly when he slides his fingers into you. He sucks at your tits, using his body to keep you from moving too much as he speeds up his fingers, curling them to hit that spot that has you seeing stars.
He lifts his head up when you tug on his hair, your toes curling as you feel that familiar feeling building up in your stomach. He smirks at you, moving up to kiss you sloppily, swirling his tongue around yours.
He pulls your lip softly with his teeth when he pulls away from the kiss, smiling after he lets it go. "You gonna cum, baby?" he asks you quietly against your lips like he doesn't already know.
His smile widens when you can't answer, rendered to moans as he nails both of your sensitive spots. "Toshi, Toshi--" you breathe, your chest stuttering every time you say his name.
One last gasp of his name is what he hears before you cum, your walls clenching around his fingers so hard that he can barely move them anymore. He follows you when you try to move away from the overstimulation, only giving you a breather when you whine his name.
You catch your breath before gently pulling him towards you so that you can kiss him. You rub your hands over his body as he grinds against you, and you buck your hips up into his touch. "You ready for me?"
You nod quickly, and he can feel you spread your legs. "Fuck me, 'Toshi, come on," you urge, and he chuckles softly before he lines himself up.
He lifts one of your legs by your knee as he slides in, and your mouth falls open as you get used to the stretch. You haven't felt this in a while, and feeling it now, you know that you've missed this. He moans as he feels you pulse around him, and he grabs your hands, lacing his fingers with yours as he bottoms out.
He moves your hands so that they're over your head, and he kisses you softly as he lets you get used to the stretch. "This is all pretty intimate, isn't it?" you whisper with a small smile.
"And what about it?" he responds with a smirk, his thumbs rubbing over your hands.
"Feels like we're lovers or something," you comment, and he hums as he tilts his head to the side a bit.
"And we aren't?"
"You know what I mean," you say, trying your best jot to hold your breath as you wait for his response.
"What d'ya wanna hear?" he asks before he kisses you, and you don't get to respond because he quickly pulls out, thrusting into just as fast. "That I love fucking you?" He slams back into you again. "That I love coming to see you when I finally can?" Another thrust. "That it kills me when I can't see you?"
He keeps his eyes on yours as he speaks, and you try and fail to hold the eye contact. "That being with you has made me the happiest I've been in a long time? That I wanna be with you for the rest of my life?"
He speeds his hips up, and he knows that can't respond like you want to, and he smirks before his eyes roll when you squeeze around him as he nails your g-spot. "That I wanna be in this pussy forever?" Your nails dig into his hands as your moans get louder, and he can feel you getting closer.
"Fuck, you always feel so good," he groans, letting his head rest on yours as he feels his orgasm building up too. "C'mon, angel," he urges. "Want my baby to cum." He shifts his hips, nailing that spot inside you every time, and that knot snaps, tears spilling from your eyes when you screw them shut, your mouth open in a silent moan.
"Jesus," he slurs into your neck, groaning your name loudly as he cums soon after you do, slowing down his thrusts as he fills you up.
He lifts his head to kiss you once you both catch your breath, and he lets go of your hands so he can cup your face in his hands, kissing you firmer than before.
"How was that?" he jokes, and he smiles when you do, and your eyes slowly open to meet his.
"That sounded like a love confession if I'm not mistaken," you gush.
"Maybe I need to fuck you again so you know for sure." You laugh, wrapping you arms around his neck before kissing him again.
"I love you, 'Toshi," you whisper.
"I love you, too, angel."
You both stay like that for a moment, just appreciating each other's touch, and Shinsou carefully slides out of a while later, getting off the bed so that he can clean you up. You clench your teeth softly when he rubs the warm washcloth in between your legs, and he hangs it on the side of the laundry basket when he's done.
He slides into bed next to you, and both of you get under the covers as he pulls you towards him. You rest your head on his chest as he rubs over your body, occasionally letting his finger run down your side just to see you shiver.
"So, what happens now?" you ask softly, and you hear him sigh and his head moving softly across the pillow.
"I'm planning on leaving," he starts. "I'll drive myself crazy if I keep doing what I'm doing cause it'll never end." You listen to him intently, tracing his one of his tattoos on his arm with your finger. "There's still some people I wanna take down, though. But after that, I'm done."
You lift your head up, and he's quick to look at you. "So, where are we going?"
He gives you a soft smile, placing his hand on your face before rubbing his thumb over your cheek. "Anywhere you want," he says warmly.
"There are so many options!" you sigh quietly, looking to the ceiling as you go through places in your head.
"You serious about this?" he asks, and you look back at him.
"I honestly don't have any reason to stay here anymore," you sigh. "My dad is still here, and I've always wanted to get away from him as far as possible." You softly chew on your lip. "I guess I never left because I didn't want to break from the monotony of my life or because I was waiting for something to happen. I dunno.
"But you're here now, so I guess this could finally be the push I've been waiting for."
"I'm honored," he muses, and you roll your eyes as you smile, but you can't help but laugh.
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It's been a few weeks since Shinsou started staying at your place; he decided that if he was going to go out with a bang, then he should do it when everyone least expects it. He's got a few more things to put in place, but he's able to do all of that while laying low, so even though there could still be people looking for him, it's nowhere near as many as it was a while ago.
"You have to stay still, 'Toshi," you scold, looking past your canvas, and he groans as he rolls his shoulders.
"I don't know if you know this, but this position is fucking uncomfortable," he grunts with no heat behind it. "You couldn't have me lay down or something?"
"If you would stay still, then you wouldn't have to hold the position for so long," you say, and he sighs as he rolls his eyes before getting back into position. You're almost done, adding the last touches when there's a knock at your door. You and Shinsou both look at the door, but neither of you move.
"Are you expecting someone?" he asks quietly, and you shake your head as he carefully moves across your apartment. You stare at the door as you listen to Shinsou tapping at his laptop. "Do you know who this is?" he asks, and you quietly but quickly make your way over to him. He added a few cameras when he started staying here just for security, and the one on the door gives a clear view of who's in front of it.
"Oh, my God," you breathe when you see who it is.
"Angel, wait!" Shinsou says when you run to the door. You quickly unlock it, swinging it open, and you tackle the person with a hug.
"Mom!" you sigh, tears already forming in your eyes as she hugs you back. "What are you doing here?" you ask, not ready to let her go just yet.
"I just wanted to check on you. I was contacted by a Miruko?" she says, and you finally pull away. "She told me that I should probably check to make sure you were okay."
You let her in, closing the door behind you, and in your excitement, you forgot about Shinsou, but when you turn around, he's nowhere to be seen. You frown as you look around for any sign of him, but you quickly turn to your mom when she looks at you. "Is there anything big going on that I should know about?" she asks.
"No, of course not. I just needed to take a break from work, that's all."
"Your boss calls me to tell me to check on you because you took a break?" You can tell she doesn't buy it, and you honestly don't know what you could say. "Who is it?"
"Huh?" you respond suddenly, your eyes widening. "What are you talking about? It's just me."
Your mom rolls her eyes before she turns to face your empty apartment. "Please save my daughter from her horrible lying and come out, please," she says, and your eyes dart around quickly. "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."
Shinsou suddenly peaks his head out from the loft. "Considering that her quirk has to do with poison, I am a little worried."
Your mom laughs. "Mine has nothing to do with that. I'm defenseless. I swear," your mom says, holding her hands up. Shinsou uses his bindings to jump down from the loft, and you roll your eyes. Of course, he wouldn't use the stairs.
"Nice to meet you, ma'am," Shinsou says easily. "Sorry for all of that," he adds, waving his hand towards the loft.
"Considering your reaction, you must be doing something that you shouldn't," your mom discloses, and you and Shinsou tense for a split second before you sigh.
"Something like that?" he acknowledges with an uneasy chuckle. "I would never put her in danger, though. I'm doing everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen." Your mom just looks at him, and for the first time, it actually looks like Shinsou's nervous. Hell, you are too.
"You managed to get caught up with a vigilante?" your mom suddenly questions, and a million things run through your head as you try to figure out what to say.
"What makes you say that?" you try, but you know she's already figured the both of you out.
"Alright, when are you gonna drop this?" she scoffs with a smile, and you glance at Shinsou, who gives you a barely visible nod.
"Okay, fine," you sigh, your body drooping as you drop your head. "You figured it out." You look up to see a surprised look on her face which makes you frown. "What?"
"Who knew a wild guess could be true?"
"You were just guessing?!" you blurt, and it's not long until all of you are laughing. "Okay," you sigh, "you probably had a long trip, right? Do you want anything?"
"Just some water, please." You nod, leading her to the couch before you grab a bottle of water from the kitchen. You hand it to her before you sit next to her while Shinsou sits on one of the bar stools at the island.
You rest your weight on her, putting your head on her shoulder. "I missed you, Mom," you whisper.
"I missed you, too, sweetie," she responds, rubbing over your head. "I'm sorry I didn't see you sooner. It was hard to come back here after leaving."
"I get it."
"But, it wasn't okay," she states, and you sit up when she shifts, grabbing your hands. "I should've come back sooner, or done a better job at trying to take you with me. I was only thinking about myself, and allowed you to suffer at the hands that man for who knows how long."
Your smile is small as tears form in your eyes again. "But you're here, now. That's all that matters," you say. "And I haven't seen him in years. I guess he's too upset that I wasn't what he wanted me to be."
"I'm so glad you got out, and that you've had people that are taking care of you." Then she suddenly sharply turns to Shinsou. "And what are your intentions with my daughter?"
"E-Excuse me?" he stutters.
"Mom!" you exclaim, giving her a questioning look.
"You didn't think I would ask? His career isn't really something that comforts me." You sigh heavily, letting your head fall into your hands. She stands up, walking over to him as she puts her hands on her hips. "Well?"
"I can promise you now that I can take care of her," he declares. "I won't be doing this for much longer anyway, so you'll have nothing to worry about." You can't help but smile as you listen to him, and he looks at you for a brief second, returning your smile before he looks back at your mom. "I'm going to support and love her for as long as I live."
"And then what?" He raises his eyebrows, not following what she's saying. "What happens after you're done with all of this? Am I getting grandkids or what?"
"Good lord, Mother, please," you groan, but she doesn't take her attention off of Shinsou, and he releases an uneasy chuckle.
"We haven't really talked about that yet, um..." he tries.
"I'm not saying it's a must," she emphasizes. "I just want to make sure there are plans in place."
"I can assure you that there are plans. I plan for everything," Shinsou assures. "I will never let anything happen to her."
"I'm holding you to that," she declares. "You won't be able to escape if I find out something did happen."
"I can't say that I'm surprised, but you won't be doing any of that," he repeats, and he has no problem telling her over and over again.
"Okay, Mom, you can chill with the interrogation," you say, walking up to her and putting your hands on her shoulders. "How many times does he have to repeat himself?"
"I'm just being precautious while he's still involved with dangerous things." You roll your eyes, knowing that there's really nothing either of you can say to placate her worries. She presses some more questions out of Shinsou, but he's eager to answer them, and you just sit back and watch them. It sort of puts you at ease, knowing that you have people that do care about you.
Your childhood was rough, and you know for a fact that if you could go in time, you would tell your past self that it does get better, and that you're going to meet one of the best people you've ever met. You'd go back in time and tell her that everything is going to be okay, and that she was a fighter, that her mother never stopped thinking about her.
Your mother stays for the rest of the day, and you soak in every moment that you have with her and Shinsou that entire day.
~
"Hey, I was thinking of some new recipes I found for dinner. Pick which one you want," you tell him, having the recipes splayed out on the island. You hear him walk up behind you, but before you can turn around, he's wrapping his arms around you, looking at the recipes over your shoulder.
He glues himself to your back, humming softly as he looks over the recipes. "That one looks good," he says, pointing to the one he's talking about.
"Are you hungry now? I can start on it if you are," you ask, grabbing the recipe, but he doesn't let you move.
"Not really," he answers, his lips hovering over your neck. "But I wouldn't mind having a snack," he adds before he softly kisses your neck as his hands rub over your body.
"Toshi, c'mon," you giggle, but you make no move to stop him.
Suddenly, there's a hard banging on your door that scares the shit out of you, and Shinsou instantly turns around, standing in between you and the door. "I know you're here! Open up!" You tense so hard it hurts when that voice hits your ears. When it looks like he might move, you stop him softly with a hand on his arm.
"Do you know who's out there?" He turns to ask you, and you can only give him a silent confirmation in the form of a nod. They bang against the door again, and you try your hardest not to flinch. You step around Shinsou so you can make your way to the door, and you take a few seconds to calm yourself before you open it.
You don't open it all the way, stopping the door with your body when your father tries to forcefully enter his way in. "What the hell do you want?"
"I am your father, you don't--"
"You are nothing to me," you respond sternly. "How in the hell did you find me?" You never thought you'd see him again. Once you declared that you didn't want to be a hero, that you weren't going to allow him to control your life anymore, he disowned you. When you were old enough to finally leave, you did because he didn't care for you anymore. Honestly, you don't think he loved you at all like a father should; he just wanted you to be something he couldn't.
"Who have you been hanging out with?!" he demands, and you raise an eyebrow at him.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't bullshit me! I know you've been around that vigilante!" This time you really frown at him. How in the fuck does he know that? You obviously don't look at Shinsou because that would definitely raise suspicion, and you don't know what your father would do.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," you try, and he slams his hand against the door when you try to close it.
"I know you're lying to me. You've always been bad at that." He only thinks that because he was always been forceful when it came to getting your true opinion about things.
"Are you stalking me?" you question, and if you were younger, you wouldn't catch it, but you seem him hesitate for a split second. "Why? I thought you were done with me, huh? You wanted me to get outta your sight for being such a disappointment and a mistake." You quote his words back to him, but of course, he barely shows a reaction.
"You are making me look bad," he tries, and that makes you roll your eyes.
"As far as I know, no one knows about me because you were so disgusted that I wasn't what you wanted me to be. So I am very convinced that your statement is far from the truth."
"Don't change the subject." You wonder if he can hear how ridiculous he sounds over his ego. "And where you're working now? Your mother would be so disappointed in you."
"Don't you talk about my mother that way!" you scream, pointing at him. "She was the only person that loved me in that fucking horrible household! She's the only reason I'm still fucking here! She would be glad that I'm away from you!" He tries to speak, but you refuse to let him get a word in now. "You are the worst person in the world, and an even worst father and husband! And I will make sure one day that everyone knows about it, and you will be even further from being in the top ten!
"But it's not like you'll need my help anyway because you're such a sorry pro-hero!" That seems to really set him off because he's slamming the door open, knocking you back. He keeps moving until he pins you against the counter as fear rises in your throat, and you suddenly feel like a child again, completely helpless against him.
You try to fight him off of you as the counter continues to dig into your back, and you close your eyes as you find yourself at a loss of what to do. Your eyes shoot open when his grip starts to loosen, and you see Shinsou holding him in a chokehold with a cloth over his face. Your father's eyes are frantic as he tries to fight whoever is holding him, but his movements start to slow as his eyes fall closed.
When he stops moving, Shinsou lets him fall to the ground at the same time you sink to the ground, sobs leaving your chest as you start to take in what just happened. Shinsou's with you in a second, holding you in his arms as you let it all out. Your eyes are screwed shut as you try not to let yourself go down that horrible memory lane.
"Just focus on my voice, okay? He's not gonna hurt you anymore." He keeps talking to you, which helps especially since you couldn't think of anything else to focus on. He eventually picks you up once you calm down a bit, and he carries you to the couch, sitting down with you in his lap.
You rest your face in his neck, taking a final breath that really expands your lungs to really calm yourself. "What did you do to him?" you ask, sighing at the motion of him rubbing over your back.
"I just knocked him out with some dust I got from a friend. He won't remember much when he wakes up," he tells you. "Didn't know if I had your permission to kill him." He smiles when he hears you laugh before you sniffle. You lift your head up so that you can kiss him.
"Sorry, you had to see me like that, but thank you for calming me down."
"Don't apologize for anything," he says. "He's a piece of shit, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that." He rubs his finger up and down across your cheek. "You never have to apologize for something like that. Okay?" You nod, giving him another hug as you take another deep breath.
Shinsou sits with you a little bit longer until he mentions that you should probably get your father out before he wakes up. Since it's pretty late at night, you're able to walk out of your apartment as Shinsou carries your father over his shoulder out of the building. Just as you thought, when you walk out, there's a car sitting behind the building. The driver side door opens, and you speak up before the man can say anything once he gets out.
"Tell him that if he shows his face here again, he won't walk out." Shinsou has everything covered, so the man definitely won't be able to identify him, and he nearly throws your father into the man, and he almost falls as he tries to catch him. You don't want to be near him any longer, so you quickly turn around to walk back into your apartment.
"I can't stay here anymore." It's the first thing you say once Shinsou closes the door to your apartment. "He's just gonna keep coming back or send people to stalk me," you continue. "He'll definitely put things together if he sees you."
"Don't panic, okay?" Shinsou tells you, stepping into your space and resting his hands on your neck, letting his thumbs rub over your face. "You can just stay with me until he dies down. I don't mind. Things have pretty much settled, so everyone's heading back to our home base, but I just wanted to stay with you."
He smiles when you do, and you sniffle again as you rub your hand over your head. "I don't think I have a choice," you sigh. "I just have to talk to my boss."
~
"You don't have to say anything."
You blink in surprise. You told Miruko you had something to talk to her about, so she lead you into her office. Once you closed the door and tried to explain your situation, she spoke before you could. "Excuse me?"
"Did you forget that I've known you since you left that piece of shit?" Her words cause you think about your past self, and you push past it for now. "I'm guessing he showed his face? That's why you're here."
"Yeah," you whisper.
"And I know you've got someone now, so don't worry about anything here. Just worry about yourself." You can't help but smile at her words, and she copies it as she walks toward you. "I'd kill that man for you in heartbeat, you know that?" She hugs you as you laugh, and you nod against her. She pulls away, holding your face in her hands. "God, he really got you this time, didn't he?"
You nod again, deciding not to say anything, but thanks to Shinsou, you've already let out your emotions. Before, when your father was still finding you, you'd hold it in until Miruko called you into her office, and you'd finally break. She hated seeing you like that, and she's glad that she hasn't seen you like that in a while.
"If you need anything, you call me, okay?" You nod again, giving her another hug before you make your way out. You had already met up your friend, telling her about everything that had happened, and she was just as supportive, only telling you that she wishes she could go with you.
You're about to walk out the back door, feeling a weird sense of calmness despite the events that have occurred the last couple of days. You can feel a bit of nostalgia tied in with it, and you know it's from the fact that you may never step foot in this building again. You won't see Miruko or your best friend for the foreseeable future, but you know they only want the best for you, and that's enough to make you feel better about how the situation with your dad came to this.
You stop when you see your friend, giving her one last tight hug with the promise that you will contact her as soon as it's safe. Having that conversation with her did make you shed some tears, but she's making you smile nonetheless, and you know you wouldn't have even made it this far without her and Miruko.
You finally make it outside, taking a deep breath when the air hits your skin. Shindou's standing right beside the door when you walk out, and you battle in your head whether or not you should say something.
"You're not coming back, are you?" he asks quietly. You stop, slowly turning to look at him, and the low volume of his voice makes you realize how quiet it is.
"Yeah," you sigh softly. "Some shit came up. It's not safe here for me anymore." The plain look on his face disappears as his brows crease to hover closer to his eyes.
"He found you?"
You nod, knowing who he's referring to. "I don't know if I'll be back, but I hope--" You cut yourself off when he steps closer to you, and you almost back away.
"Is he treating you good?" he asks you suddenly, but there's no jealousy in his voice, only lovingness with a hint of concern.
You give him a small smile as you nod. "Yeah. I love him," you tell him honestly, and you can see something that looks like regret flash in his eyes, but you can barely catch it; the look is gone by the time he blinks.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for how I acted during our relationship." You hesitate to respond for a split second, not sure if you want to go down this path.
"Thank you for saying that," you eventually say.
"I mean it. And I've really messed things up, and I hate that this is the last thing that I'm telling you." You just listen to him talk, not sure if this is something you need to respond to. "But, I'm glad that you're happy, and that's all I want for you. I just regret that I'm not the man to do that for you." It looks like there's more he wants to say, but you know that you don't have much time left.
If there was something else he wanted to say, he drops it, instead saying, "Is it okay if I hug you?"
There's no way that you can say no. Even though you don't feel for him the way you feel for Hitoshi, he was someone who was with you through the hard times as well even though for some parts of it, he wasn't making it any easier.
He hugs you tighter than you expect, and he knows that this is the last time in his life he'll get to hold you like this. He sighs heavily before he pulls away, giving you a soft kiss on the top of your head before he finally lets you go, taking a step back.
"Goodbye, y/n."
"Goodbye, Yo."
You don't give him another look, turning away slowly before you head down the street. You know his eyes are still on you until you're out of sight, and if you're being honest, you needed that conversation more than you thought. Your relationship with Shindou was one that wasn't built on the best foundation, and it hurt when it finally crumbled and fell.
Talking to him for the last time gave you the last bit of closure that you didn't know you needed, and you walk back home in a lighter mood than before.
You pack up your stuff when you finally get back, waiting for Shinsou to let you know when he was outside. You take one last look around your apartment, making sure you have everything before you make your way out the back of the building. You see a car when you walk out, and he rolls the window down once you come into view. He helps you put your stuff in the car, and then you're driving away.
It's dark outside, and you stay quiet for most of the ride as you look out the window. And it's not because you're feeling bad or anything, it's just that you can't believe it's come to this. You honestly never expected your dad to talk to you let alone find out where you live and where you're working. You think it's because you've been around Shinsou. Your dad must have suspicions about who this vigilante is, but that means that there could be an actual investigative case about Shinsou.
You don't think he's working alone because some of the stuff he's done, you know he wouldn't have done without help, but he hasn't mentioned anyone else. All you really know is that he's the ringleader in everything that's going on. You don't know how long you've been driving, but you're going further away from the city.
There's music softly playing from the speakers of his car, but you're not really paying attention to it. Everything was going so well, and you never expected your father to show his face, especially after that last conversation you had with him. He told you that he never wanted to see you again, and for once, that was the only thing that you had agreed on.
Your mood has definitely soured, and you feel Shinsou's hand on your thigh. He grabs your hand shortly after, giving you a kiss on the back of your hand, and you softly smile at him. You focus on the feeling of his hand for the rest of ride, trying your best to not let the recent events cloud your head too much.
He eventually slows down, turning down a dirt path that you could barely see. The sound of the car driving over the rocks fills in the noise over the music, and you look around through your window even though it's pitch black outside. You can see something coming up in the distance, and you squint as you get closer to it, your eyes honing in on a house that looks like it hasn't been touched in years.
"Please don't tell me this is where you've set up shop," you mumble, and you hear him laugh as he pulls up next to the house.
"Of course not. We all have taste," he responds, and he slows the car down in front of what looks like the start of a forest. He reaches into the console, pressing a button, and you jump when you hear something moving. You look ahead to see the trees in front of you moving, the path that looked like a dead-end now clear.
He drives forward, going through the clearing, and once he gets through, he puts the car in park before getting out. You watch as he starts to cover up the tire tracks, throwing down some downed branches just to be on the safe side before he gets back in the car. He pushes the button again, and you watch as the path disappears again.
He continues to drive, and you see another house coming up, but this one is much bigger than the one that you passed. "There's no way no one hasn't seen this, even with the trees," you comment as he pulls into the garage.
"We have some cloaking tech as well that we added just to be on the safe side," he tells you as he turns the car off. You get out, and he grabs the bags that you're going to need, deciding to worry about the other stuff later, which you don't mind. There's no lights on anywhere, not even on the outside of the house, so he holds your hand as he guides you through the dark.
You reach a wall, and you can barely see him put his hand up. You jump when you hear an automated voice say his name, and then the wall is opening. He doesn't immediately walk inside though, stepping to the side and turning to you. He pushes something on the wall where we placed his hand, and then he lifts your hand, placing it where his once was.
"Now, you're in the system," he tells you easily before he leads you into the house. The door closes behind you, and you're still in the dark, but suddenly the lights turn on. You squint quickly, your eyes taking a while to adjust to the light, and when they finally do, they widen as you take everything in.
"Oh, my God," you breathe. "This is amazing."
He chuckles. "It isn't all that." He pulls you through the house, and right now, it's just an open space, but you're still surprised nonetheless. He tells you that this room is like an additional security measure, and you find that the actual part of the house where he lives is through another wall, but this time it's more intricate to get into. Everything that you would need to get in, he makes sure that you have in, setting you up in the system until you're finally seeing what the inside actually looks like.
The first floor seems like it's five times the size of your apartment, and your eyes are wide as you take it all in. There's basic things on the first floor, like the living room, kitchen, and a gym that looks way better than anyone you've seen at the public ones. You follow him up the stairs, which has more rooms, but you decide to explore those later as sleep starts to call your name.
He takes you to his room at the end of the hall, and the bedroom alone seems to be bigger than your apartment. He carefully sets your bags down by the bed, and you admire the bed. "It looks so comfortable," you sigh. "But I wanna get in the shower first."
He leads you to the bathroom, and even though you expected it to be big, you're still surprised when you finally walk in. He turns the shower on, and he undresses you, putting your hair up and in a shower cap before gently pushing into the shower. You groan softly as the water hits your skin, and you turn around, letting the water hit all of you. You hear the door open and close again, and you wipe the water out of your eyes as you turn around.
Shinsou tenderly grabs your face in his hands, giving you a soft kiss. "You okay?" he asks you quietly. "I know these past couple of days have been pretty hectic."
You respond with a small nod. "I'll be okay eventually. I think seeing my mom and then that whole thing with my dad just kinda through me for a loop."
"Have you talked to her yet?" he asks and you shake your head.
"Not yet. But, I will first thing tomorrow."
You told your mom everything that's been going on with you starting with what happened after she left. You told her how you got your job now, and that Miruko has been taking care of you ever since she found you. You want to tell her about the situation with your dad as soon as possible since you don't want her getting worried if you don't contact her.
Shinsou carefully washes your body, planting your face and neck with kisses every now and then before he showers himself. He dries you off when you're done, but not without some lingering touches that has you staring him down. He wraps your hair up before laying you on the bed and rubbing lotion into your skin, and once he's done with himself, he turns off the light, joining you in the massive bed
He's in your space as soon as he gets comfortable, and you curl into him as he wraps his arm around you. "Thank you for all of this," you whisper, your eyelids starting to feel heavy. "I love you."
"I love you, too, baby," he whispers back. "Sleep tight."
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When you wake up, you know that you're alone. You roll over, confirming it with your eyes once they open, and you stretch before you sit up. You see one of Shinsou's sweatshirts on the bed, and you put it on before you get out of bed. You walk into the bathroom to brush your face and do your skin routine before you make your way out of the room. You can hear music coming from downstairs, so you follow it, crossing your arms as you get to the bottom of the stairs.
The music's coming from the kitchen, and you walk in to see Shinsou at the stove. He catches you walking up to him from the corner of his eye, doing a double take before smiling at you. He leans away from the stove to kiss you. "Good afternoon, baby."
"It's the afternoon?!" you exclaim softly, and you look around for a clock, seeing that it's a little past one o'clock.
"Yeah, you were sleeping like the dead," he teases and you yawn again.
"I guess I really needed that sleep." He chuckles softly, and you stand next to him, leaning on him as you watch him cook. When he's done, you both sit at the island to eat, staying silent as you do. The silence isn't awkward, and with Shinsou next to you, it's more than welcomed.
"You ready to meet everybody?" he asks once you're done eating, and he takes the dishes to the sink to wash them.
"Are they gonna welcome me?" you say around an uneasy chuckle.
"Of course. They're chill people," he answers. "Well, except for one, but he's always been like that."
You nod at his words even though he can't see you, and he dries his hands once he's done with the dishes. He walks back over to you, grabbing your hand to gently pull you out of your seat. "Don't worry too much. You'll be fine," he reassures, and you wordlessly follow him out of the kitchen.
He walks down a hallway until he reaches a door, scanning his hand on the hidden panel so that the door can open. You follow him down the stairs as the door closes behind you, and when you can hear voices, you start to get a little nervous.
"Took you long enough," you hear once you reach the bottom, and you walk into an open room.
"It's not like we're doing anything urgent today anyway," Shinsou counters as you look around the room. There's a bunch of screens on one side of the wall, and there's a table in the middle of the room with a holographic map of the city. The other side of the room as computers with a bunch of stuff on the screen that you don't really try to read right now. Your eyes scan through the faces that are in the room next, and they're all looking at you, but you don't know what to say.
"I never thought you would introduce us to the girl that makes you go MIA for days," one of them suddenly says, and she stands up, walking over to you. "I'm Mina."
"Nice to meet you," you say quietly, shaking her hand.
"This is Bakugou, Sero, Denki, and Kirishima," she introduces quickly after, and they all give you either a wave or a nod of their head except for Bakugou. You assume that's who Shinsou was referring to earlier.
"Nice to meet you guys." Everyone goes back to their conversations shortly after, and you sigh internally in relief since you were worried it was going to get awkward.
"Relax, we're not gonna hurt you," Mina laughs, guiding you towards a small table at the side of the room. Shinsou focuses his attention on one of the screens at the other side of the room as Mina continues to talk to you. "So, what brings you here?"
"Some family stuff," you answer. "My dad is currently looking for me, which is not a good thing," you laugh bitterly.
"Is he a hero?"
You nod, taking a few seconds before you say his name. "He's Envenom."
"Your dad is Envenom?!" you hear someone yell, and you jump softly as you try to figure out who just yelled. You assume it's Kirishima because he's walking over to you. "Does your quirk have something to do with venom then?"
"Kinda. I mostly use it for healing though since that's my mom quirk. The only way I can use my poison is if I really hate the person," you huff.
"A healing quirk?" Denki speaks up, walking over to you as well. "I got this nasty gash while training, and it hurts like a bitch," he groans, and he lifts up his sleeve to show you.
You grimace a bit. What kind of training do they do here?
You hold your hand out, telling him to come closer, and he holds his arm out to you. You spread the substance from your fingers over the gash. "It won't heal overnight, but it'll speed up the process. And it shouldn't hurt as much now."
"It's like it never happened," he laughs, shaking his arm and you can't help but smile as you watch him.
You see Bakugou stand up suddenly and walk over to Shinsou. "Her dad's one of the top pro-heroes, and you brought her here?" Even though he's whispering, you can hear him loud and clear, and you shrink into yourself a bit.
"Relax, Bakugou. He's a piece of shit. He won't come anywhere near here," you hear Shinsou respond, and you don't hear the rest of the conversation because Mina catches you attention again.
"So, you have some bad beef with your dad or something?" she asks, and now that everyone's attention is on you, you feel nervous to answer.
"He wanted me to be the best hero because he couldn't," you say, giving the bare minimum, but everyone seems to understand. "He didn't treat me or my mom good, and we both left as soon as we could." You look down at your hands, taking a deep breath as you try not to let the bad memories flood in. "I haven't seen him in years, and he showed at my apartment two days ago. I don't really know what he wants from me."
Mina rubs over your back, and you look up to see Bakugou looking at you, but once you meet his eyes, he looks away, busying himself with something else. "I'm glad that you got out," Sero says, and you give him a small smile as you focus on the people next to you.
"We can take him down if you want. I'm itching to be out there again anyway," Denki sighs.
"Maybe, I'll take you up on that one day," you say around a smile.
Shinsou interrupts the conversation a little while later, wanting to start talking about the plans that they have before they're finally done. You stay in your seat, going back and forth between listening and zoning out. There's still a part of you that has anxiety about your dad and if he's actually been following you.
You feel like there's no reason for him to be doing any of this, but maybe he just can't get over his ego. You were able to contact to your mother and tell her everything that's happened. You reassured her that you were okay, but you told her that you probably wouldn't be able to contact her as much just to be on the safe side. You know that your dad wouldn't try to track her down, but you don't know how confident you can be on that anymore.
There's a deck of cards on the table, so you busy yourself with that as they talk. You're half listening to what they're saying, starting to go into your own world, and you don't even realize that they're done until you see Shinsou come up to you out of the corner of your eye.
"You didn't have to stay, y'know?" he says, and you collect all of the cards.
"I just didn't feel like getting up," you muse, putting the cards back before you stand up. Before Shinsou can say anything, Mina's speeding by and pulling you away.
"It's so nice to have another girl here. There's so much I can finally talk about that someone will actually care about!" she says quickly before she pulls you up the stairs, and Shinsou laughs as he watches you go.
~
Shinsou's already moved all of your stuff into the house. Apparently, everyone has their own part of the house, which explains why you never seen anyone moving about. Shinsou moved all of your art stuff into one of the empty rooms that was on the hall, and you spend most of your time here when everyone's out doing what they need to scope out who their next target it.
You're sitting on the stool in your art room in front of one of the paintings you were working on before you left your apartment. You don't really have an end goal to the painting, you just started it because you needed something to do to cure your boredom. Your mind isn't really empty like it usually is, and you just have so many thoughts running through your head that you're close to just finding something else to do.
You sigh, putting the paintbrush down with the intention of finding something else to do. You jump when someone clears their throat, and you look to your left to see Bakugou standing in the doorway. "You mind if I come in?" he asks quietly, and you shake your head as you shrug.
"Come to tell me that Shinsou shouldn't have brought me here," you say, half-joking. His steps falter a bit, and he looks at a loss for words. "I'm just joking, Bakugou," you laugh. "I don't blame you for being skeptical of me, but I'm gonna be honest, I don't know if my dad is still after me or not. And if there's a chance that he does find this place, I take full responsibility."
He nods carefully, taking some time before he speaks. "Do you have any idea what he'd do if he found you here?" he asks, and you shake your head.
"I have no clue. I seriously thought he was done with me, so I don't get his deal. Maybe it's his ego or something."
"There's a chance that could be the reason. That seems to be one of the things those top heroes have in common," he says. "Having big fucking egos and being too cocky." You laugh softly, glancing at your painting as silence fills the room again. "You talked to, uh," he starts, and you look at him. "You talked to Izuku, right?"
You frown, looking around as you think before putting your eyes on him. "Deku?"
"Yeah, yeah. You saw him, right?"
You nod. "We talked after he came to my job. Shinsou didn't tell you?"
Bakugou sighs. "He did, but he's always been very vague sometimes," he answers, and you just stare at him. He clears his throat, crossing his arms over his chest. "What?"
"You wanna know how he's doing, don't you?" You smirk as Bakugou scoffs, trying to find somewhere else in the room to look. You stand up, walking up to him, and he takes a while to meet your eyes. "He's frustrated. Apparently, he really wants to remedy all of the corruption, but I think he knows that even if he does that now, it won't stop."
"He's always been stubborn like that," he whispers after he huffs.
"I can't really give you anything else. Our conversation was pretty short."
"Did--Did he ask about me?" he asks cautiously, and you try to figure out how to answer without hurting his feelings too bad.
"I'm not sure if he knows that any of you are a part of this," you say. "I think a lot of people suspect that Shinsou's not working alone, but no one has a clue who you guys could be." Bakugou stays silent as he nods. "Also, I told him that I wasn't a part of this, so even if he did ask about you, I wouldn't even know who you are."
Shinsou told you about how him and everyone got in this place at first. They all went to high school together, but only a few of them chose this path. Bakugou was actually the last person to join, which was unexpected for you to hear. No one tried to convince any of their friends that chose the pro-hero path to join them, knowing that it was their choice to go that route.
After what happened in high school, a lot of them decided that hero work wasn't for them, and as they got older, they only realized how bad it was on the inside. One by one everyone started to join, and they've been running together ever since.
"It's just--we've been doing this for years, and now he decides that he wants in?" Bakugou sighs.
"Well, you did say that he's pretty stubborn," you say. "So, he's probably been trying to fix this for a while, but he didn't want to believe that he couldn't stop all of this." You sit back down on the stool.
"I don't even know if we can trust him. What if it's all just an act?" he voices aloud.
"Do you think he's capable of doing something like that to you guys?"
"Who knows? It's been years since we've all seen each other. A lot has happened." You don't respond, and Bakugou eventually sighs, shaking his head. "Sorry, for talking your ear off. I bet you didn't want me to bother you with all of this."
"Don't worry about it, Bakugou," you say softly after you laugh. "I'm always here if you need someone to talk to."
~
"Where are you taking me?" you question, waving your hands out in front of you.
"It's a surprise, baby. Just be patient," Shinsou laughs.
You've been at Shinsou's house for a few months now, and you've settled in nicely with everyone. You hang out with them for most of the day, playing games or just having conversations that go late into the night. They've already been on two big missions, and you've been there anxiously waiting for them to come back.
Thankfully, they've all come back, but not without some injuries. You do your best to heal them as much as you can, knowing a bit about suture techniques thanks to your mom, but you're definitely nowhere near a doctor. They have one last mission before they finally call it, and you can tell that it's got everyone on edge. The atmosphere has definitely changed. It's nothing major, but you can tell that everyone, yourself included, are counting down the days until it happens.
"I'm blindfolded, Toshi. Can you blame me for being impatient?"
You were packing up your stuff, getting ready to head out once they finally completed their final mission. They're able to do it from the hideout, so while they were putting in the last touches, you started to get everything together. Once you got the majority of it, you helped Shinsou pack the car. When he was done, he turned to you, suddenly putting something around your head so that it covers your eyes.
He guided you back into the house, and know you have no idea where you are. You hear a door open, and the chill air from outside hits your skin, making you shiver a bit. He stops you from walking with his hands on your shoulders, and you can hear him take a couple of steps away from you. "Okay, take it off."
You quickly untie the fabric, and you blink rapidly. Your eyes widen when you see what's in front of you as your mouth drops open. "What is all of this?" you ask. He's led you to the roof, where he has a blanket and candles set up. You walk over to it, and he's quick to follow, guiding you to sit down.
He sighs softly as he gets comfortable. "Well, we've been together for some time now," he starts, and you can tell that he's nervous. "Over a year now, which is crazy to me," he huffs, like he can't believe it, and hell, you can't really believe it either. "I just wanted to do something to celebrate that, and I thought you'd like the stars too."
You look up at the sky, not even realizing that you can see what seems like a million stars. You gasp as you look across the dark sky, and you hear him shift next to you, so you look back at him. Your eyes widen again when you see a small box in his hand, and you scoot a bit closer to him.
"Please don't tell me that's what I think it is."
He laughs, letting his head fall for a second before he shakes it. "No, it's not. I'd choose a much better setup when I propose to you." Your heart swells at his words, choosing to stay silent. He opens the box, revealing a gold ring. He takes it out, holding it up to you as he sets the box aside. "This is a promise that I'll keep you safe for the rest of our lives. That I'll always find you no matter what situations come at us in the future."
You look at the ring, dipping your head a bit to see that the inside is engraved. He shifts it, so that you can see the words in the moon and candlelight.
I'll always find you, and I'll always love you
"Toshi," you breathe after you read it, and he grabs your hand, sliding it onto your finger. You rub your finger over it as you admire it. You surge forward to kiss him, knocking him back. He catches himself quickly, holding you in his arms as he lays back against the blanket. "I love you."
"I love you, too, baby." You look at it again, giggling softly against your will, and he smiles as he watches you.
"Hey--"
He's cut off by a sudden explosion that has the both of you jumping up in an instant. You hear loud alarms going off, and the both of you are quick to stand up. Before you can even process what's happening, there's a helicopter flying over the house, and something falls from it.
Shinsou suddenly grabs you, jumping to the side. "Cover your ears!" You do it quickly, and even with your hands cupped tightly over your ears, you still hear the loud explosion as you hit the ground. Everything is spinning, and then you suddenly feel weightless. You scream as you fall through the roof, keeping your eyes closed and ears covered as Shinsou keeps you in his hold.
When it finally seems like your stomach settles, you look around, and the moment you take your hands off of your ears, the blaring of the alarms are nearly deafening. You try to move, but it hurts to move, and you look under to see Shinsou laying there. "Toshi!" you gasp. You wince as you move off of him, sitting up on your knees. "Toshi, baby, wake up!" you yell, shaking him. You lean forward with your hand on his chest, and you nearly cry when you feel he's still breathing.
You jump back when he gasps, sitting up quickly. He looks around, groaning loudly, and then he suddenly turns his attention to you. "I knew this was fucking trouble," he groans, and he reaches for your necklace, snatching it from your neck.
"Shinsou, my mom gave that to me!" you yell, and he throws it on the ground, taking a brick from the rubble and smashing it. You scream, about to yell at him again, but then he picks something up. Your body runs cold when you see what it is. "Oh, my God." You hold your hand over your neck. "My dad said that my mom left that when she left." It finally hits you. "This is all my fault."
Shinsou grimaces as he stands up, grabbing your hand to pull you up. "Focus, baby. We gotta get outta here." You let him lead the way through the rubble, and you hear more explosion throughout. It doesn't even look close to the house that you've been in for the last few months.
He takes a back way to where the car is, and you try to move as fast as you can, but once you get to the car, you hear something crackling. "Shinsou, you gotta get down here!" It's Denki, and it's coming from the radio that's attached to his hip. "Mina doesn't have time to send the files!"
Shinsou swears loudly. If they don't get those files out, then all of this was for nothing. "I'm on my way," he says back before throwing the radio on the ground.
"I'm going with you."
"Absolutely not," he states. He winces as he takes the keys out of his pocket, putting them into your hand. "You get into the car, and you drive as far as you can without stopping. Do not look back."
"Hitoshi, I am not leaving you!"
"Yes! Yes, you are! I promised you and your mom that I would keep you safe!" You still haven't let go of him, and you don't know if you have it in you. He moves forward suddenly, giving you a long kiss that nearly takes your breath away. "I love you."
"That sounds a lot like a "goodbye" I love you," you tell him.
"I'll always find you." He starts to leave, making sure that you don't follow him.
"Toshi, don't leave me," you say, tears forming in your eyes. "Toshi!" He doesn't stop, and you nearly scream in frustration as you watch him leave. "I love you!"
He finally turns around, giving you a big smile, and you watch him go for a little bit longer until you hear another explosion. You quickly get into the car as you sob, barely being able to see due to your tears blurring your vision. You keep driving until you get to the road, and you follow his instructions and keep driving. You can see the house in the distance, up in flames, and you will yourself to keep driving.
Immediately, there's a big explosion, way bigger than the ones before that makes the house exploded. You quickly stop the car, getting out as you scream Hitoshi's name. You cry louder and harder than before, but you suddenly hear something coming up the road. You're quick to get back in the car, speeding off, but there's no way you stop crying.
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You make it to a motel once the gas tank is nearly empty. You slowly pull into a parking spot, and you turn the car off, the silence so loud that you can hear your ears ringing. You cry again when your eyes land on the ring on your finger, and your chest heaves before you scream as loud as you can.
You sit in the car crying until your head is pounding, and you find one of Shinsou's sweatshirts on the passenger seat. You grab it before getting out of the car, and you slowly make your way inside. The person at the check-in desk looks completely bored, which you don't blame them since it's around three in the morning, and there's no one out right now.
When you walk up to the desk, their tired eyes widen a bit in surprise as they take you in. You didn't even think about what you probably look like; covered in dust and probably with bruises and cuts, and to top it all off, there's dried and wet tear tracks on your face.
"I, uh, need a room for a couple of days," you whisper, and you rest your hands on the counter as the events hit you again.
"Is it just you?" they ask, and you look at your hand again, your lip trembling as you run your finger over the ring once again.
"My, um--" You take a deep breath, wiping the tears that fall. "My boyfriend is coming soon." Even though you saw the house explode, you still don't believe that he's dead. He wouldn't lie to you. "So, could you just give him a key when he gets here?"
"Y-Yeah, of course," they answer, nodding their head. They check you in, telling you to worry about paying later, and you thank them softly, taking the key and walking to your room.
You get in the shower as soon as you lock the door, wincing when the hot water hits all of the cuts on your body. You can't even look at yourself in the mirror when you get out, drying off before healing yourself up. You put a tank top and some shorts once you think you got everything, and you're glad that you didn't break anything.
You grab Shinsou's sweatshirt, putting it on before you get into bed. You roll over to look out of the window, and you cry again until you fall asleep.
~
For the past couple of days, you've woken up with a headache and terribly swollen eyes. You haven't left the room, only leaving the bed to go to the bathroom. You haven't eaten, but there isn't any part of you that's telling you that you're hungry. You've been staring out the window, watching the animals move the only thing that can keep you from crying until you start to think too much.
Every now and then you take a deep breath of the sweatshirt, as that's the only thing that smells like him that you have. You tried to watch TV, but the first thing that came on was the news reporting about the house explosion. You immediately turned it off as you felt that lump in your throat appear again.
By the time a week has passed, you don't feel any better, but your body is screaming for some food. You forced yourself to eat some snacks, but it definitely wasn't enough. It takes a long time for you to get out of bed, but when you finally do, you make your way to the lobby to eat breakfast. You end up eating a lot, which isn't unexpected since you haven't had any real food in days.
You finish eating quickly since they have the news playing in the lobby, and you can't stand to listen to it anymore. You move the ring across your fingers as you walk back to your room, and you try your best not to cry again. You don't know if your head can take it anymore.
When you get into the room, the first thing you notice is that the bathroom door is closed and the light is on. You frown, immediately on edge, preparing to bolt out of the room. You definitely left it cracked, and you made sure the light was off. Before you can even move, the door swings open, and you're getting ready to bolt until you see who it is.
"How did you manage to get so far? Took me forever to get to this place."
You cross the room in a split second, jumping into Hitoshi's arms as you start to sob again.
"Ouch," he groans, but he hugs you tightly nonetheless. "Take it easy, will ya."
You lift your head up so you can kiss him, your hands trembling as you cup his face. "I-I thought--" You can't even finish, kissing him again until you're out of breath.
He rubs over your face, wiping your tears as he looks over your face. "What'd I tell you, baby?" he prompts. "I'll always find you."
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the-empress-of-snark · 5 years ago
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First, I would like to publicly make an apology to JD, the mod from Tomione Finds who initially reached out to me. I was already a bit agitated, and ended up misreading what she was trying to say to me and reacting impulsively instead of processing tthings calmly. 
It was genuinely not my intention for her to be hurt in this situation, but she was and for that I am very sorry. 
So, my initial reaction to kyoki's post was not to bother dignifying such obvious hyperbole with a response. 
Like, seriously, painting me as Fandom Satan so you can pin your flounce from fandom on me is just so wildly attention seeking it borders on the absurd. 
Your post was deliberately inflammatory, completely fabricated and designed solely to smear me, and your criticism that I've never provided evidence was  inaccurate as well as ironic, given that you...don't. 
That shit is exactly the kind of behavior I've been talking about. 
I then realized that staying silent isn't the answer. 
There are folks who might also be experiencing bullying in our fandom community, but feel uncertain if it qualifies as such or is more a personal conflict. Or maybe they're scared to speak up or come forward out of fear of retaliation - such as being smeared as toxic or untruthful like I was.  
Here's the thing. Your feelings are all valid. 
You know what you're experiencing, I know what I've experienced, and no amount of shouting down and being called a liar will ever change that. 
I'm also just going to point out that while my old blog was active, I talked about my experiences with bullying extensively, on more than one occasion. 
If I was going to be called out as a liar and a shit stirrer, that was literally a golden opportunity to do so. But the reason why that didn't happen at the time - a culture of silence that reinforces unequal power dynamics - is part of what I've been talking about. 
The thing about bullying is that it isn't necessarily someone walking up to you and punching you in the face. More frequently, it's subtle, low key, and perpetrated in a way that makes you doubt yourself. 
Here are a few examples of my experiences.
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As if I have to state the obvious, reblogging someone's art with shitty tags in order to make fun of it is bullying. 
Also, I had never interacted with this person.  
Next, I only ever shared this privately with a couple people. It was nice of this person, who I'd been on friendly terms with, to let me know what they really thought of me and my writing. (Edit 7/21/21: I'm not gonna shield the identity of assholes any more)
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That's some epic level passive aggressiveness right there.
And then just before I deleted,
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There is a factual inaccuracy here. I did not ever regularly post in the tag, let alone posts regarding my experiences.
And then there is this:
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This was created in June 2018 for members of the Tomione discord, but the history behind it goes back to January 2015. The term and its use was a significant part of my falling out with Nerys and Serpentinred, with the latter deeming it as a 'demeaning slur.' 
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Which isn't...exactly what I said in our last email exchange. 
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I worded this clumsily, I admit, but I was trying to describe how I felt - using I statements. I did not ever once use the term as a pejorative against her, and she's free to bring forth any evidence that I did. 
At that point though, it didn't matter, though I apologized to both of them in subsequent emails.  They were angry, and immediately severed any relationship I had with them, which was their right to do. 
So, a few years later, these same people suddenly appeared in the Discord using these Inner Circle icons, and offering them up for members of the chat to use. In a variety of colors. No one there had any idea that this was, in reality, a very pointed slight directed at me. 
There's really no way to explain this away as an innocent effort to make something fun for the chat, or as a joke, given the repeated assertion that the term was a slur. 
Somewhere along the line, their feelings toward the term must have changed, because both of them used the icon.
And no, there's been no "owning up" to this. Taking responsibility for your actions involves actually addressing shit with the person you harmed, and not minimizing the effect this had on me as “whining about a button”. 
I have now provided evidence to support my statements regarding my experiences with bullying in fandom. I did not at this time include less easily categorized vague posts made where I wasn't specifically named, but if I read it, it would be clear that I was the person being referred to. These were posts where I was accused of using slurs, or impersonating an artist in order to harass someone.
These posts are still damaging, though, in the sense that they're deliberate misrepresentations designed to create social/fandom harm to the people being talked about, and are examples of covert bullying/relational aggression. 
Which brings me to an observation I'd like to make regarding the angry, almost aggressive disparagement of myself and others speaking, even privately, about our experiences as 'spreading garbage behind our backs'. 
It's hypocritical. It's a double standard, given multiple posts that have been made about me, and honestly, it's concerning that someone could possibly expect to exert that much control over what people say about them, even privately. 
For example, if you and your friends want to chat about how much of an asshole you think I am, and how much you hate me, that's entirely your prerogative, and I have no control over that. You're perfectly free to express your opinion of me on your blog. The reverse holds true as well. Once you start making false accusations, though, it's a different story.
Lastly, I guess if there is anything I would like to see come from this, it would be for folks not to feel hesitant or uncomfortable about either speaking out about their own experiences, or openly being supportive of other people without fear of retaliation.  Because after the actual incidents, the sense of isolation was about the worst. 
Ultimately, this isn't about being liked or having conflicts due to differences in opinion. This is about actively engaging in behaviors, or encouraging others to engage in behaviors to purposefully cause harm. It's about isolating and marginalizing people you don't like and stripping them of support within the community. 
It's unacceptable. 
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intersex-ionality · 5 years ago
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I think you're assuming too much good faith when you're stating that narcissism as a concept is distinct from NPD. Just because you don't conflate them doesn't mean that other people don't. People aren't just calling tyrants toxically selfish, they quite literally demanded #diagnoseTrump (with NPD, to prove he was unfit for office). Many of the "resources for survivors of narcissistic abuse" explicitly name-drop cluster B PDs as well, or list the DSM criteria of npd and bpd as signs of abuse.
Okay, I’ve decided that out of the anons I got yesterday, this one is probably a legitimate attempt to converse. You got the bad luck of being surrounded on all sides by death threats, hate mail, and general chicanery. While I’ve tried to calm myself down so that I can engage with you fairly, please try to forgive my if I get a bit acidic here.
Before we begin, I want to re-center the fact that this discussion was about whether the word “narcissist” should be dropped from the English language.
The “diagnose trump” movement was an ableist shitstorm. And that’s not the same thing as just using the word narcissist in casual conversation. The word came way before the diagnosis. The diagnosis is named after the word, not the other way around. And the word continues to have perfectly valid, non-diagnostic utility, as well as to simply be a common word.
Ableist movements that try to simultaneously claim that evil men are evil because they are sick, that sick people are all evil, and that being sick means you cannot be trusted, therefore anyone who cannot be trusted is sick? They’re conflating a harmless word, a harmless group of people, and massive scale war crimes. Something like “diagnose trump” was functionally trying ti both punish him for crimes, and simultnaeously, absolving him of any guilt for those crimes. It was a chaotic blame-shifting mess than hinged entirely on the idea that mentally ill people are monsters.
And a movement that hinges on calling the mentally ill all monsters, is abelist by definition.
But saying that those movements mean the word must be retired also conflates the word with the group of people.
This is not to suggest that the latter reinforces the former. Rather, both rely on inappropriately ascribing sameness to very different things.
And hey, maybe just making people stop saying “narcissist” would have some degree of positive impact. If you believe that, and you want to focus your activism towards that, I’m not going to be the one to stop you! Do as you like and as you will!
But it is not and will never be what I want to do with my own activism. I have other projects, goals, and actions that I am always going to prioritize over that.
If I spend my time saying, “you can’t ever say the word narcissist because it’s a medical term,” then when someone says sociopath instead, I need to now expand it to, “you can’t ever say the words narcissist or sociopath because […],” and so when someone says, psycho, I need to expand it again, “you can’t ever say the words sociopath, narcissist, or psycho […],” and when someone says, delusional I have to expand again, and when someone says crazy, I have to expand again. I will never stop expanding the list, and it will not only be a waste of my time, but it will become increasingly difficult to impossible for my audience to remember all the fine details of that ever-expanding list.
As such, I choose to focus on other kinds of writing. To say, “self-centeredness is a completely common, human trait that most people have, and it can drive people–especially people with a lot of power–to act in ways that are careless of the others around them, or the others living under their power. So, when someone is behaving carelessly, self-centeredly, that’s worth criticizing, worth stopping. People in power who make the conscious choice to harm others should have everything that gives them that power and enables that harm taken from them.
“In contrast, mentally ill people don’t choose to be mentally ill. And those compulsions can cause them to act in ways that are on the surface similar to the violent behaviour of tyrants and abusers, but those behaviours are not choices. They cannot be approached in the same way. Mentally ill people require the support to help them control their compulsions and to help them avoid situations which would set off those behaviours.
“Where evil and powerful people must have things taken to resolve the problem, mentally ill people must instead have things given–namely help and accommodation–to resolve the problem. Since these two groups require two very different approaches, one should not suggest that they are interchangeable. Rather than claiming people in power are incapable of being decent, acknowledge their choices as fucked up. Rather than suggesting mentally ill people are de-facto monstrous, acknowledge that they simply need accommodations that they often aren’t receiving, to help them deal with the internal stresses of mental illness.”
That way, I only have to make that explanation once, and it applies to every single use of mental illness as an insult. I can link back to it, and move on to other things, instead of repeating the same discussion for every new variation. It equips my audience with the skills necessary to examine any new slag or vocabulary that pops up and make an informed choice about the implications of those words without me needing to make a new bullet point and add it to a list of inviolate rulings. People who look at that explanation, who come to understand it, will make their own choices about what language to use.
But most of them will shy away from using obviously diagnostic language such as “psychopathy,” and will also has the tools to differentiate between harmless uses of overlapping terms, from manipulative attempts to conflate a group of mentally ill people with a group of violent criminals. They’ll be better equipped to understand the difference between someone saying, “my ex-boyfriend was so narcissistic, always getting on my case about my clothes/figure/hair making him look bad, so we broke up,” and saying, “my mother beat the shit out of me any time I did something that disappointed her; but hey, you know how narcissists are.”
For me, that’s more appealing, efficient communication and the more appealing final goal. It lets me focus on other things, like considering angles and details I had not previously considered on old subjects, or learning about new subjects.
That’s not going to be the case for everyone or every situation. Sometimes I don’t feel like making a big old explanation, so I ask the people around me, “as a favour, could you not complain about ‘The Borderlines at Work,’ and instead just talk about, IDK, whatever specific crap they pulled, instead?”
But this blog is a public space. I’m a private citizen, but I make these posts to have a public discussion on a public platform. So I write them for a public audience. I don’t want to ask personal favours of that audience. They have no reason to grant those favours, even if I did ask.
Different audiences, along with different situations, require different tactics.
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sinesalvatorem · 7 years ago
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how does it feel to be gatekept from the dubstep gossip sesh about your fucked up life? we're having a blast but you're permabanned, as is anyone who might tell you about it unto the fourth generation of them that hate memes. sucks to be you, imo.
how does it feel
Radical acceptance? Like, as in, I actively do CBT for myself, and that’s the relevant technique. Which is mostly working, I think. How it feels right now is mostly… it doesn’t.
As could probably be guessed from a cursory knowledge of my “gay kid in the Caribbean” backstory, I am pretty much infinitely spooked by anything that could turn into an attempt to coordinate harm against me without my knowledge. Which is why I devote most of my brain to simulating everyone around me at all times, so I’ll get pinged the moment their thoughts swing toward “Lets choke a faggot”, as has historically been a very common thought that I’ve needed advanced warning of.
I’m also from an extremely collectivist society, so I kind of just expect that everyone is discussing whether to purge everyone else at all times? Because, like, if you stand out enough to be the topic of discussion when you aren’t around, of course it’s because you’re purge-worthy. Standing out is inherently purge-worthy!
And, if the nail that sticks out gets hammered down, I feel some responsibility to give advanced warning to any nails I know that are getting undue attention (ie, attention); in [Redacted] and then habitually forever. So my particular background causes me to feel a moral obligation to alert people to this sort of thing, which is why even when I started talking to my friends privately about my abuse, I immediately told Endecision that that was in fact what I was doing.
But, having come to America and learned that not everyone as individualist as me shares my particular antibodies against collectivism, I’ve noticed that other people don’t have this moral instinct. Which I had originally assumed was part of the mental landscape of “being individualist”, but more recently learned is part of the mental landscape of “being raised collectivist and being traumatised as fuck about it”.
So, when yesterday I learned that everyone everywhere was having various “gossip seshes” as you put it, I freaked the fuck out and wanted to know which of them were the ones calling for my head. Which is something I feel regardless of whether the cause of discussion is anything bad about me. I just kind of expect this to happen regardless, and devote half my brain to it, because safety mindset.
Which led to me asking that anyone who is aware of any discussion about any part of my life, now or in the past or for years to come, please point me at it, since apparently this isn’t actually a norm and just a thing I personally intuited as a moral rule. But, to the extent that I can’t solve any particular panic by exposure, I try to solve it by accepting this fact and considering that, in any case, it’s not that bad.
If no one wants to hurt me, there’ll be no problem. If some people want to hurt me and some don’t, then my gradual progress at filtering toxic people from my life should catch this, and there’ll be no problem. If my entire community decides to suddenly yank the social support I’m using to avoid (more severe) homelessness, I can just kill myself, as has been my backup plan for the past two months. If death is an accessible option, then things can’t get as bad as they were at home, so there’ll be no problem. And with that, I feel calm.
On the specific topic of there being gossip on dubstep - this hopefully shouldn’t have too much bearing on my life, since I’ve already been planning to minimise my reliance on anyone who uses Discord, since I’ve figured out that it was the common thread between the largest cluster of people-toxic-to-me.
Like, obviously most people on Discord are perfectly good folks, but if someone has tried to fuck with my boundaries in the past 6 months (even before I was on Discord!), and they aren’t my primary abuser, then they’re probably a dubstep user. Which only became clear to me when, each time I mentioned things like people trying to do kink at me to my acquaintances, they’d react with “Oh G-d, is this the [dubstep metonym] crew?” and I’d be like “…How could you tell?”
And I’m at a point in my life where I need to use extremely coarse filters to avoid boundary-transgressors, because apparently I attract them really well. So I’ve already scaled back my Discord use and been trying to interact with people that I know use Discord on a whitelist basis, and otherwise avoid the cluster. And, if I do that, it presumably shouldn’t matter what people on dubstep think of me? I hope they think carefully, and are charitable to both me and Endecision, but the correct strategic response was already to insulate myself from being affected by their opinions in the first place.
Also, the fact that sentences like
we’re having a blast but you’re permabanned, as is anyone who might tell you about it unto the fourth generation of them that hate memes. sucks to be you, imo.
could have been said by basically anyone is exactly why this isn’t a community I should interact incautiously with. Sorry, but at least 10% of you are just actually assholes, and while the vast majority are great people, I can’t take the chance on anyone I haven’t already vetted.
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