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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 10 months ago

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Winter's King 4

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, cheating, violence, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You are a maid to the Duke of Debray, a lord of the Summer Kingdom. That is, until the king of Winter appears with his particular air of coldness. (Medieval AU)

Characters: Geralt of Rivia

Note: double chapter day?

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

The summer sun brings little warmth to the castle of Debray. Those left behind in the shadow of their lord’s march to war, bide their time with baited breaths and unspoken worries. The duchess sinks into her cups, a nectar to her already sharp tongue, as her daughter buries herself in her wardrobe.

Lady Jazlene hands you dress after dress, demanding a stitch here or there, only to snatch it back and have you cut the cloth of another to alter yet a third. And a fourth, fifth, sixth. Strips of fabric and loose buttons litter the drawing room table as you and Merinda put your needles to work.

“Motherrrr,” Jazlene swirls around, swaying her hips back and forth, “it has been a fortnight already.”

“Your father will return soon,” Lady Rezlyn slurs before she empties her goblet. She has no husband to chide her away from excess. “Never fear, dearest.”

“That is not—mother, what am I to do? I have no wedding dress!”

“You have no mind,” Rezlyn snickers, “you will have only rags by the time you decide.”

“Hm,” Jazlene approaches the table with her hands on her hips, “mother, that gown with the gold lace. The one you wore last solstice--”

“My gold lace,” Rezlyn sneers, “no!”

“But mother. I only want the lace. You can have it re-trimmed. It would look much nicer with pearls,” Jazlene whines, “do you not understand? I am to marry a king. I cannot look as some simple countryside daughter.”

Rezlyn clucks and shakes her head, “if it hushes your endless moaning, have the lace.”

Jazlene gives a triumphant grin and turns to you. She grabs your arm and the needle catches in the fabric, slipping from your grasp, “go fetch mother’s dress. It is rosy satin.”

“And wine! Bring more wine,” Rezlyn interjects.

Jazlene rolls her eyes and flicks you away with her fingers. You hastily retreat as Merinda grimaces at her labour. Your fingers hurt from the endless hemming and seaming and you’ve noticed she’s jabbed herself more than once as the noble daughter changes course back and forth.

You flit from the chamber and sweep down to the kitchens. The descent into the cellar is lit by only the candle in your hand, the flame wobbling dangerously before you. You find a bottle of the duchess’ preferred and climb back into the light.

You snuff the tallow and quickly press on you. You climb the stairs again but falter as the wail of a horn breaks the afternoon din. You spin and turn to the window. Several other servants cluster beneath the arched opening as they try to see the horizon. The blast comes again, three in quick succession, followed by a long blare.

The noise of chain and mail comes from the courtyard below. The few men left behind to man the castle walls are quick to action. You can see the flap of banners and nothing more between the other curious bodies.

“Who is it? Enemy soldiers?” Waldon wonders.

“I cannot see, my eyes are dim,” Margite shields her vision from the sun as leans over the sill. Their chatter swirls at the approach.

“It is them! The Lord’s banner!” Stellan exclaims, “I can make out the sun and the sword on the banner. And the Winter King’s white crown.”

“They return! They return!” Another cries out, “are they victorious?”

You shuffle away. You forget about the golden lace and return to the drawing room. You enter and look down at the bottle in your hands. You blink, trying to recall what you were about to do. You set the wine on the table near the duchess as Jazlene seizes your other arm.

“Where is the dress?” She snarls, “ugh, are you so useless--”

“They’ve returned,” you utter cluelessy.

“They...” Jazlene begins.

“The king and your father, my lady,” you explain, “we saw them through the window. I thought to say so before I went to your mother’s wardrobe--”

“Quiet!” She shoves you away, “I need a different dress. The crimson slit with ivory. Yes, yes, now!”

She pushes you again and you stumble to the door.

“And slippers,” she calls after you, “Merinda! Get over here.”

You scurry back out and to Lady Jazlene’s chamber. You enter and sort through the mess of her clothing strewn and heaped about. You find the red and ivory dress and a pair of slippers of a similar hue. You are certain to bring a selection of jewels and pins to assuage any further remonstrance.

In the drawing room, Jazlene has Merinda fixing her hairpins. You approach with your armful and lay it on the table. Outside the walls, you can hear the chaos unfurling. You can hardly keep the noises straight as cogs grind, ropes groan, and the noblewoman carry on their tittering.

You help Jazlene step into the dress, Merinda holding the other side. As you work at the sleeves and skirts, she fidgets around.

“The king? The king is with them for sure?” She breaths.

You nod, “yes, my lady. His banner--”

“Mother! They have won. They must have.”

“Do not be too presumptuous,” the other lady rises and nears the table, snatching up a string of pearls, “come. Put these around my neck.”

There’s banging and knocking and footfalls and voices yelling. The walls cannot keep out the rising fervour. Horse hooves and rusty hinges. They are close, in the castle or more. You pull tight the laces of the dress as Merinda clasps the pearls around the duchess’ thick neck.

There is someone before the door. A shadow darkens below it for just an instant before it opens. No permission is asked as Lord Dustan clatters in. His eyes is swollen near shut.

“Daughter, wife, you must come down to the--”

Heavy, steady steps follow him. You continue to weave the laces through the eyes, going as fast as you can.

“Father, I am not dressed. I am not ready to receive--” Jazlene protests.

Dustan looks behind him and backs away from the doorframe. King Geralt fills it with his large figure, a dark cut along his hairline though he hardly seems bothered by it. Otherwise, he is untouched, unblemished. You knot the laces as you peek over Jazlene’s shoulder and his gold eyes shimmer in the low lantern light.

“Your highness,” Jazlene gasps and drops to a curtsy. You stand, dumbfounded for an instant before you bend your neck and your knee to his status. “We were not warned of your coming. I pray you have tasted victory,” she raises her head slowly, “and we may wed in celebration to ring your reign in the Summer Kingdom.”

He grumbles as his eyes search the space. Dull yet vibrant at the same time. He tilts his head as his jaw squares, “a king’s wife mustn’t fret so much about silks and wine,” he growls as he breaks the threshold. He marches to the rigid high back chair and lowers himself, “victory is mine but that does not mark the end of my efforts. I have no kingdom until all that which has broken is repaired.”

“Certainly, your highness, and I will be by your side to help you amend what has been injured. As your loyal wife and queen,” she wilts as she wobbles just a little, “I am only so happy to see you alive and returned.” She rises as straight as she can and sweeps over to him, pushing out her chest, “but not unharmed. Your highness, you have been wounded.”

She goes to touch the gash along his forehead and he motions her away with a flat palm.

“It is not dire,” he insists, “Lord Dustan, where is your bishop?”

“I sent away for him. He will come,” the duke avows.

“The bishop?” Jazlene looks to her mother.

“For the vows, precious,” Dustan assures.

“The vows? Now? Today? But father--”

“I haven’t time to wait around on paltry feasts and drunken hordes,” the king insists.

“But-- but--” Jazlene stammers, “I am a queen, I should have a wedding.”

“You are still but a duke’s daughter,” the king snaps, “a wedding you will have. Let us swear the words as was arranged. Then we must away.”

“Away? Away?” Jazlene echoes again.

“Take this parrot away from me,” King Geralt barks as he slams his fist into the arm of chair, “I tire of her squawking. When the bishop arrives, fetch me and I shall keep the oath I made.”

The edge in his voice cannot be missed on that single word. He is a man who would not break a promise given, not the like the one cowering by the door. You glance up slowly as you notice Jazlene quaking. You can tell by her fists that she is not so much afraid anymore as she is angered.

“Daughter,” Rezlyn girds and touches her daughter’s arm, “a wife should learn first to obey. Let us go paint your lips and await the bishop.”

“This cannot be...” Jazlene hisses.

“Quiet,” Lord Dustan snaps, “you want to marry, you marry as you are told. Out.”

Lady Rezlyn keeps the duke from grabbing his daughter, instead steering her through the door herself. Merinda follows first and you trail after. The king grumbles, “Debray, leave a maid. She may fetch me that wine.”

“My lord,” Lord Dustan points you back tersely, “the wine.”

“Leave me,” King Geralt demands of his fair-weather lord.

Dustan retreats and shuts the door heavily. You turn and cross to the table where you left the sealed bottle. You put your hand around the neck and lift it. You face the king and cross to him with your head low.

“Your highness, would you like a goblet?” You ask.

“I am not interested in imbibing,” he reaches beneath his mail and pulls free a grey handkerchief, “pour it on this.”

You crack the wax seal of the bottle and grab the bulbous head of the cork. You wiggle it but cannot dislodge it. You struggle with it and he wraps his large hand around the pregnant bottom.

“Little maid,” he slips it from your grasp and puts the kerchief in your hand.

The uncorks it with only his thumb, flicking free the stopper, and he reaches out to you. You press the cloth to rim and he tilts it slightly, wetting the fabric. He pulls it away and reaches to place it on the floor. You look at him curiously. He leans forward and runs his index below the gash in his head. You get his meaning and daintily press the damp cloth to his head.

“The alcohol cleanses,” he says as he leans heavier into your touch.

“It looks rather painful, your highness.”

You wince at your own careless words. You don’t know why you said anything at all. He sits in silence, breathing slowly. At last, he sits back and looks at you. You drop your hand and your chin.

“Might I get you anything else, your highness?” You offer as you fold the cloth into a tight wad.

“Tell me, how do you fare?”

“Your highness?” You peek up at him through your lashes.

“Are you well? Have you rested? Are you fed?” He prompts.

You raise your head, surprised by his questions.

“I am well, your highness. I have a roof above me.”

His cheek ticks, “same as you were. Same as I remember.”

He puts his head back and closes his eyes. He sighs deeply. You waver before him, unsure what to do next.

“I don’t mind the cold. My land is frigid most days but I felt a true shiver out there on that road. Even Roach could not ease it.”

You watch him, awaiting an order, not so well attuned to conversation. More often than not, a response is not warranted, just action. He gives you little direction though he is a man who easily commands.

“My horse. Stinky steed,” he muses as he keeps his eyes closed, “valiant nonetheless.” He lets out another heavy exhale, “will you mind the door? Wake me when the bishop arrives should I doze?”

“As you wish, your highness,” you go to the door, taking your usual stance beside it.

He is still. The amber light of the lantern limns his large figure as he reclines in the stiff chair. He does not move but a man who has ridden to war has slept on worse. You cannot tell if he truly slumbers but you know it is not appropriate to stare.

You remain in silence. It isn’t so bad to the duchess and her daughter. Almost serene if not for the tension of the man’s presence. A king. A wintry figure with his icy hair and colder demeanour. You do not envy Jazlene, he will be a rigid husband. She will not bowl him over as her mother does the duke.

You listen beyond the walls, trying to track the activity beyond. There are softer voices you can’t make out, creaks which could be only the wind, and footfalls which are most certainly only servants about their tasks. The tedium stretches on as the lantern light wobbles.

You stare at the wall opposite. The summer hue breezes in with a hint of pollen between the open curtains. Still the chamber remains dim in stone and mortar.

There is the crank of the gates and you shift. You turn your head to hear better the entry of a new party. A man’s tenor from below assures you of the arrival. You wait until the footfalls reach the stairs. You do not relish waking the king should he have managed to sleep.

You look to the king in the chair but find him alert. His eyes are centered on you as he sits straight, golden irises blazing. You gulp and shy away.

“I believe the bishop has come, your highness.”

He doesn’t speak or move. He just watches you. His gaze bores until it burns. You fear you might have strayed somehow.

Finally, he slides to the edge of the chair and stands. He does not seem eager as he makes slow progress towards the door. As he crosses the room, he stops, just before the door, right beside you.

“A war for a wife,” he mutters, “a barter, I suppose.” He reaches for the metal loop on the door, “come, little maid, we might need a pillow should the lady faint again.”

#geralt of rivia #dark geralt #dark!geralt #geralt of rivia x reader #the witcher #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #series #au #winter's king #medieval au

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isabeauwolf · 5 days ago

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Pregnant reader x Trafalgar Law

Chapter 1 - Coffee and Confessions

You worked at the small coffee shop down the block from the hospital on one the The Grandlines infamous Winter Islands, it snowed most of the year, except for the rare two month for spring and summer, then goes back to cold, winter once again.

You always loved the snow, watching the flakes fall from outside your window as you curled up on your couch with a cup of hot chocolate, your favorite blanket, good book and the puppy you just adopted naming him Onigiri.

Oh, sure it got sure busy and you had to work most holidays, but it was worth it.

Why?

The famous, cold, stoic and handsome Surgeon himself, Doctor Trafalgar D Law become one of your regulars. You heard his nicknames whispered underneath people breaths, "The Surgeon of Death" and "Doctor Heart Stealer," to name a few.

Twenty-six, handsome, doctor and single?

How in the world was this man still on the market you never know, but he was easy to talk to.

Well, somehow you two had become closer after the embarrassing questionnaire you two had while off the clock at work eight months ago.

You were fine until you excused yourself to go throw up in the nearest bathroom. Thank god, you packed a travel size toothpaste, toothbrush and mouthwash in your purse since you had spend the night with Jess last night after work.

Jess is your co-worker and best friend, she knew of your secret crush on the Doctor. And like the idiot that you were decided to scroll through tinder, hook up for a one night stand and.... your face paled, no.

No, oh no.

Fuck, oh my fucking god. No.

What? How? You were on the pill! You used condoms! Fuck.

You looked at yourself in the mirror in horror, inwardly screaming, Oh god, I'm pregnant! You wanted to bang your head against one of the bathroom stalls. "Okay, calm the hell down, Y/n." You whispered to yourself, hands gripping the edges of the sink hard. "Everything will be fine."

A knock on the door made you jolt, knots hitting your belly. "Who is it?" You asks, voice wavering.

"Y/n, it's me." Jess' voice calls from the other side of the door. "You've been in there for a minute." Worry in her tone as she whispered. "Can, I come in? I've got Max covering the counter."

"Yeah." You sniffed, wiping your mouth with the face of your hand. Unlocked the bathroom door, let Jess in and closed it, re-locking it.

"You look like shit." Jess joked gentle, hoping to get you to laugh.

"Thanks, ha ha," you muttered, leaning against the wall, sliding down, knees against your chest, crossed your arms over your chest, burred your head in your arms and cried. "Dammit, Jess, I fucked up."

"Hey, hey, shush," Jess kneeled beside you, rubbing your back. "What happened? Was your hookup harassing you?" She asked, immediately growing defensive. "I thought he didn't do repeat hookups?"

You mentally scoffed, if only. "No, that's not it." You sighed, meeting her emerald green eyes. "I think... I'm pregnant." You muttered, biting your lower lip.

Jess' eyes grew wide. "What?! But I thought you were on the pill and he wrapped it! Are you sure!"

You immediately covered her mouth with your hands, glaring. "I am and he did." You hissed, "Please, keep your voice down. I don't want the whole staff and our customers to know."

Jess nodded her head and you lowered you hands and ran your hands through your hair.

All of this started because you were too shy to ask Dr Sexy out, like a coward, you hoped to get a good lay out of your system and instead, ended up pregnant. If your mother and older sister ever found out, you knew they wouldn't judge you since both of them got knocked up while they were both sixteen. At least you were twenty-four, like that was any better.

Single, unmarried and now pregnant.

Those three words rang in your head over and over.

Hitting harder.

"Damn," Jess nudged you lightly, siting down beside you. "I thought you wanted to let off some steam for Mr Grumpy Pants, but instead you got lost too deep in that wild night, huh?"

"Your telling me." You closed your eyes. Dammit, how were you going to face Law again? Would he find you gross? Look at you like you were a harpy? You hoped not. You really hoped he wouldn't think any less of you.

"Hey, I know that look." Jess pointed you in the forehead, "Stop being a negative Nancy and get out of your head." She pointed over her shoulder, "Besides, Dr Sexy is waiting for his order. You know he only wants you to take his order." She gives you a smirk. "I think he's crushin' on you hard."

"No, he doesn't." You fired back, frowning. "If he did. I'd gladly be having his baby instead." You blinked, grew flustered and covered your mouth. "Forget I said that."

Jess hummed, smirking. "Yup, your type are bad boys with dark hair, dark eyes and tats." The raven haired woman, offered you her hand, which you took as she helped you up. "What was baby daddy's name again?" She raised a brow, "Ace?"

"Yeah," You frowned, instinctively placing your hand over your abdomen. You immediately thought of the biker with black hair, charcoal eyes, bright smile and adorable freckles on his face. Sure, Ace was hot and easy to talk to, but you both agreed that that night was a one time thing. Besides he was long gone and on the road with his brothers Luffy and Sabo in their biker gang, ASL. It would be best to not tell him, even if, you kept his number in your phone. "He was a gentleman and a nice guy but..." You trailed off, frowning deeper.

"He's no Trafalgar D Law, right?" Jess pulled you into a side hug and nodded. "I get it."

Another knock outside of the bathroom door sounded. "Is everything okay in there? Y/n- ya?" His monotone drawl called, a hint of concern in his tone.

Speak of the drop dead sexy doctor and he shall appear.

Oh no. You didn't want to go back out there. Law was observant, he would know something was wrong, you knew it.

"Y-yeah.. I'll be right out Law." You panicked and stuttered like a dumbass. You met your friends gaze with wide eyes as your breath hitched, nerves clawing at your belly again and you held yourself tighter, whisper underneath your breathe. "I'm not ready, Jess."

"Alright, call me, if you need anything." Law replied, "I'm off work for the rest of the day and will be hanging out for a bit." With that he walked away, returning towards the counter, waiting.

Stubborn man.

"Come on," Jess stood and helped you up. "I'll run to the pharmacy real quick and grab you a test while you and give Dr insomniac his coffee."

You nodded and reached for your purse, grabbing your wallet when Jess' hand lightly touched yours.

"No, I'll pay for it. It's the least I can do." She winked, "I know you'd do the same for me."

You nodded again, wiping your face with the back of your free hand and rewashed your hands. "Thanks, Jess." You met her reflection in the mirror, offering her a sheepish smile. "I'll owe you a coffee on our next girls trip."

Jess' smile widens. "You know it." She unlocked the bathroom and went out, announces. "She's coming Law!"

You bit your lip, holding back a snicker at your friends innuendo to try and make the Doctor's face fluster. After repacking everything into your purse, you took a deep breath and walked out.

You saw the back of Jess' head as she went out the door after throwing on her thick black and blue ski jacket with her white gloves and matching scarf you bought her last year for Christmas.

You felt Law's eyes on you as you made your way back to the employee's locker room, You inwardly shivered and felt embarrassed as your cheeks heated up, clutching your purse tighter to your chest. Your mouth had become dry as you shoved your purse back into your locker, pulled out your water bottle to gulp down a few heavy sips, then put it back into your overnight bag your brought with you from last night.

Quickly applying hand cream on your hands and shoving it into your pocket with you phone and retied your apron, you went back out onto the floor with your best business and cheer smile.

There he was.

Your crush, Trafalgar Law. Sporting a black turtle neck sweater, his spotted print faded washed denim jeans, white and spotted printed hat (which cutely reminded you of a snow leopard, or Onigiri) he always wears when he's off duty and his black boots. He had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, rolling them up to his elbows, showing off his tats and had his arms crossed over his chest. Leaning against the wall, his long legs crossed at the ankles, looking bored at he glanced down at his smart watch.

Dr Heart Stealer was hard to read most of the time, but it was clear that he was worried with the nervous tapping he was doing with his inked index finger against his forearm. The stoic and cold surgeon could come off as intimating at first, but it was clear that he had a dark past since he never really talked about himself, mostly his work and his annoying coworkers: Penguin, Shachi and Bepo.

You had seen them from time to time as Penguin and Shachi loved to tease Law and were two trouble makers, but his childhood friends. Bepo was a literal polar bear in the form of a man, shaggy blond hair, blue eyes, a sensitive soul and very loyal towards his friends. He was also Jess's not so secret crush. Bepo was a giant, even taller than Law, which was impressive. What he was doing in the medical field you will never know.

You stepped behind the counter, putting on new gloves, grabbed the stores tablet, flickering your nervous gaze on the man of the hour as Law meet your stare, shoved his hands into his pockets and leaned off the wall, casually walking towards you.

You could honestly get lost in Law's stunning silver eyes. His dark sense of humor was funny. You are always reminded how much he towers of you as he approached and stopped at the counter.

"Are you feeling unwell, Y/n-ya?" His professional mask of stoicism was present, but you could have sworn.. he was frowning?

"I could be better, but I'm okay, thank you, Law." You replied, snapping out of your daze and refocusing your attention back on the tablet in your hands. "Would you like your usual for tonight?"

Law's slight frown deepens.

Shit, he didn't like that.

"I may be off the clock, but I still am a Doctor… if you ever need me Y/n-ya." He whispers, leaning against the counter, his usual stern tone was gentle and genuine.

Oh lord, please have mercy. Your hands tightened around the tablet, pressing it against your chest, growing flustered as you take a calm and steady breath. "I appreciate it, Law…" How the hell can you tell him no? You can't. "My shift is almost over…" You stare deep into his pooling sterling, stormy orbs. "I do have a few personal questions.. if you are willing to listen?" Dammit, I caved!

You mentally wanted to face palm yourself and scream in horror, but you kept your mouth shut.

Law's mood brightened a tad, it was small, but noticeable. The twinkle in his eye and the way his lips twitched into that familiar and bewitching smirk that had you swoon and mentally fan yourself. "I'll be waiting with my usual order then, thank you, Y/n-ya."

How can his lazy drawl sound so smooth at the same time? It wasn't fair!

"Thank you for your order, Law." You replied, lowering your gaze to try in the order you knew by heart and told him the order and total. "Medium black roast with a triple shot of espresso and a cream. That will be six-fifty, please."

He put his debit card into the card reader and typed in the pin.

You gave him his receipt.

Your hands brushes lightly as your heart thudded harder in your chest.

Law stiffened, then took his copy of the receipt and sat down at the back of the coffee shop, his usual spot. It was private, but he had full view of the shop.

You made his drink as Jess came back.

Oh boy.

You closed your eyes and counted to three as you walked out from behind the counter and slowly made your way towards Jess to grand the small paper brown bag, whispering your thanks and turned in Law's direction.

Law's gaze trailed curiously towards the bag. It was private and rude to stare, but he couldn't help it. Were you sick? What did you need so badly that you couldn't go get it yourself?

The more Law thought about your health, the more inwardly concerned he'd accidentally gotten himself worked up. But decided not to say anything for now.

You set his drink down as your glanced at the clock. It was 6pm, the end of your shifts. "Here's your coffee, Law." You smile at him, hand tightening around the brown bag. "I'll be back, excuse me." You quickly turned on your heels and rushes back into the bathroom.

Law wanted to follow you and ask what was wrong, but remained seated and reached for his coffee in hope the drink could help settle his nerves. Reminded himself that it wasn't his business, it didn't concern him. He couldn't help it, this unsettling feeling that something was wrong.

Jess came back out of the break room, drawing Law's attention as he noticed the worried look on her face.

He was tempted to ask.

A few minutes later you came out of the bathroom, tears in your eyes. It made his heart ache. He wished he could comfort you.

He observed as you help the brown paper bag in your hand and whispered to your friend who frowned and gave you a hug.

Law's grip on his drink tightened, his hat covering his eyes.

He heard someone approaching and recognized your black and white tennis shoes, forcing his gaze to meet yours. Your eyes were still red and puffy from crying and you looked nervous as you nibbled on your bottom lips, grip tightening and wrinkling the paper back. "What's wrong, Y/n-ya?" He asked slowly, he couldn't keep quiet any longer, he had to know.

"May I sit down with you Law?" You ask softly.

His nodded, "Of course, here." He gesturing across from him at the empty seat, standing, walking around, pushing out your seat and waited to push you in. "Is here okay or would you like to talk more in private?"

You were hesitant. "Can you come with me into the break room?"

"Very well." He pushed the chair back in, grabbed his drink, backpack and followed after you. "Is it okay for me to go back there?" He didn't want to get you into trouble.

"Max said it was okay since it was an emergency." You replied without meeting glancing over your shoulder, you reached the break room and were about to reach for the door knob when Law's hand was faster, opening it and holding it open for you. "Thank you, Law." You gave him a sheepish smile and entered first.

He once again helped you into your chair when you blurted out. "Can you become my doctor?"

He wasn't expecting that. "I can see if I have any opens available." He answered, raising a brow. "What for Y/n-ya?" His silver gaze scanned you from head to toe, apart from crying, he noticed that you had gained a bit of weight which didn't both him. "Why me?"

"I trust you Law." You admitted.

It made his heart skip a beat and a hint of a blush rise across his cheeks. "I appreciate it, thank you." He muttered, he raised a hand out of instinct, covering his eyes with his spotted hat. Clearing his throat as he leaned back in his chair, crossed his legs, grabbed his coffee and took a sip.

You took a deep breath and figured you'd go ahead and get it out of the way. Rip it off like a band aid.... a really big, one. "I'm pregnant."

Law nearly choked on his coffee, drops of the hot liquid left his mouth. He swallowed quickly, coughing as he covered his mouth with the back of his hand. "Excuse me?" He sputtered, scanning your face for a hint of a joke or a lie.

He found none.

You felt so bad. Speed walking towards the coffee machine, grabbing a handful of naps and handed them to him. "I... probably could have said that better, huh?" You blushed deeply.

"Th-thank you." He coughed, using them to wipe his mouth, chin and hands. "I didn't know you were seeing anyone."

"I'm still single yes." You admitted, glancing away as you sat back down. "It was a casual hookup a couple of weeks ago." You tilted you head. "No about a month ago." You opened the brown paper back and pulled out the pregnancy test and laying it on the table, resting your hands in your lap.

Law stared down at the test. "Did you not use protection or are not on birth control?" Sure enough, their were two blue lined on the test, showing that it was positive.

He shouldn't be upset. You are an adult and he wasn't your boyfriend. This still wasn't an easy pill to swallow either, yet he couldn't abandon you. It took a lot of courage to tell him, to trust and open up to him.

"We did." You muttered, hands clapped tightly. "And I am."

Law took off his hat, running his inked hand through his scruffy black locks. "Both aren't one hundred percent."

You nodded. "Perhaps it's that strong D clan genes." You joked, but it seems to have unnerved Law. You wondered why?

That made Law pause, his eyes widen. "Your hooked is a member of the D Clan?"

"Yes," You nodded again. "Portgas D Ace." You picked up the test, held it in your hand, stood to your feed and walked over to the trashcan, threw them away and leaned against the counter. "I think, if I remember right you know his little brother don't you?"

Law had heard of StrawHat talking about his older brother.

From what Law remembers Ace was Luffy's half brother from his Mother Rouge remarrying Monkey D Dragon when Ace was three. Her first husband Gol D Roger has died from an illness before Ace was born, Luffy was born not long after and they had adopted Sabo.

He does recall Luffy shoving his phone in Law's face when StrawHat was back in town last month, showing off pictures of his adventures with his brothers. He never saw Ace in person. It made Law secretly jealous that Ace had caught your eye.

He supposed Ace is considered attractive with him being taller than Luffy and had more muscle, same stupid happy go lucky trade mark smile or that mischievous smirk he shared with his brothers.

Ace was known to be more polite.

And yet, Law still felt the burning coals of jealous and envy towards the bastard.

Law felt his hand tighten around his hat before he shoved it away in the back of his mind. "Do you plan on keeping the baby?" He asked softly, meeting your eyes.

You placed you hand on your abdomen. "Yes, I don't have the heart to get rid of the baby."

"What about adoption?" Why was he prying? It wasn't any of his business.

"I'm not sure yet." You turned untying your apron and putting it in your lockers. Slipping on your heavy winter coat and untying your hair, ruffling it a bit and sighed. "Thanks for not judging me by the way."

Law's jaw clenched tight, then relaxed. "Your welcome." He stood, threw his backpack over his shoulder, downing the rest of his coffee, threw it away and talked towards the sink to wash his hands. He'd sneak a peak at you as you finished gathering what looked like a small black and purple duffel bag and your purse. "Where'd you go last night?"

"Slept the weekend at Jess' and came straight to work." You faced him smiling.

God, if you knew what that smile did to him.

Law dried his hands and pulled out his cell phone. "Here's my number, if you ever need anything or have any questions. I'll see, if I can squeeze you in first thing in the morning."

"Are you sure?" You blinked. "I don't want to take anyone's spot in case the hospital needs you."

Law smirks that sexy smirk of his again. "I'm sure they can manage." He opened the door for you again as you walked through and he followed, watching as you put on a white beanie with pink hearts on with a matching scarf and gloves.

He wasn't going to say it out loud but apart from his beloved leopard print clothes, anything with hearts on it was a close favorite of his. It reminded him of his adoptive father Rosinante Donquixote. He supposed it gave him nostalgia and comfort, made himself smile whenever he saw the design.

It suited you.

You took out your own phone, adding him to your contacts, saved it and handed it back to him. "Thanks again, Law."

"No problem, Y/n-ya." He replied, tilting his head. "Aren't you going to give me yours?" He held his phone in his hand, fingers hovering over the screen.

You blinked, growing flustered. Oh, right. "Oh, here." You repeated your phone number that you made yourself rewrite and repeat over and over until it stuck.

You lead the way, wishing Jess and Max goodnight as you exited the coffee shop.

The street lamps were bright and shining against the dark sky. The world was covered in a layer of white, big fat flakes fell slowly as you smiled. Closing your eyes, breathing in the chilling winter night air, holding it in your lings and exhaled, reopening them to watch your breath puff into a cloud of fog and vanish.

Law felt him own mouth tug into a ghost of a smile.

Feeling his stare you turned towards him, meeting his beautiful and steamy silver gaze as he zipped up his black winter coat with pride orange spots trailing at the bottom, his beloved spotted hat back in place on top of his head.

"I'll see you in the morning then?" You muttered, half turning to head in the towards your apartment.

"Yes, I suppose I will won't I?" Law tipped his hat towards you and walked away in the opposite direction, the sound of crunching snow was loud and echoed in the quiet streets. "Be careful."

"You too Law." You watched him go. Your gloved hand tightened on the strap of your duffel bag. Did you do the right thing? Asking Law, your crush to be your primary care doctor? You only wanted to ask him a could of question, but the intrusive thoughts won. You could always change to a woman doctor, if you wanted to. Guess Jess is going to tease me for blabbing to Law.

Shivering you rubbed your arms and made your way home. You knew Onigiri, the sweet and adorable little guy was waiting for you. Guess that means he's going to be a big brother isn't he?

I can already see him being overprotective of the baby and sleeping beside the crib, or somehow crawling into it. You giggle to yourself.

Law paused at the top of the hill, turning and watching your retreating figure grow further and further away. He had half a mind to chase after you and walk you home, but he thought better of it. He's sure you'll be fine he tells himself.

He followed your silhouette and watched you walk around the corner, making a mental note to look up possible houses close by in that direct in case of emergencies, and not for creepy reasons.

Readjusting his bag he whispered quietly to himself out loud, "Good night Y/n."

------ End of Chapter 1 ------

Okay, I know it didn't end exactly like the poll and preview, but I kept writing and writing until I decided to break it down. XD

I hope I didn't disappoint my fellow Law fans!

Were you surprised who the baby daddy was? Yes? No?

Give me your thoughts please! I tried to keep our snow leopard close to canon.

Tag list: @m0sigma7 @angelblueflame @pandora-writes-one-piece @short-honey-badger @supreme-burrito @fanaticsnail @turtletaubwrites @cherry-queens-blog @fairymama624

#law x reader #law x you #law x y/n #Law x pregnant reader #Isabeau Writes #Isabeau fanfic #Soft Law #Fluff #Slow burn #friends to lovers #Chapter 1 #trafalgar law one piece #Trafalgar Law x you #trafalgar law x y/n #trafalgar law x reader #It's here!

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lamentationsofalonelypotato · 10 months ago

Text

Chapter 10: How Did It End Up Like This?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy. This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter ten of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6K

Warnings: References to sex, Kind of depressing, Cursing, Drinking, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, this one is really sad y'all, like REALLY sad, I'm serious this one is really sad.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

1980

“Ben, stop.” You shout.

“Move damn it!” Ben’s eyes blaze a dark green sending a tremor down your spine, but you don’t budge.

“No.”

“Get the fuck out of my way.” He snarls louder.

You stand defiantly in front of him, where he towers over you, eyes narrowed, and shoulders tensed. His broad shoulders block the fluorescent lights that hang overhead and illuminate the gym, dramatizing his imposing figure.

“I’m not going to. So you’re either going to have to move me yourself or you can go cool off.” Your retort your voice icy.

The heat from Ben’s anger vibrated through the air between you, but you weren’t going to move. Not when he was being ridiculous.

Noir was angry, angry that Ben took a movie role that he wanted. In hindsight you also thought it was ridiculous that Ben needed to star in all the movies. He was already America’s First Superhero and the Golden Boy and America’s Sweetheart, but it wasn't enough for him for some reason. You often thought his obsession with fame had something to do with his dad. Ben had a lot of problems when it came to his father, all of which made Ben compensate other ways, such as, feeling the need to be in charge, feeling the need to be loved and accepted by others he didn’t know, being unable to express his emotions, and the current problem which was feeling the need to claim the dominant role as most popular superhero.

Aka when he turned into Captain Toxic Masculinity.

Honestly, you were exhausted. All of this was exhausting. Ben was exhausting. As someone who’d loved him this long you couldn’t help but see the shift from the boy you used to know into something unrecognizable. Occasionally you could see Ben, the old Ben, your Ben, who laughed with you, but those moments were few and certainly didn’t happen in public.

You shoulders tense with the force of your own anger and frustration, standing tall between Ben and Noir who lays on the ground behind you. Noir hadn't made an effort to get up, still stunned from the blows he took from Ben. The first few punches you hadn’t stopped, but it was when Ben felt the need to continue despite Noir’s pleas to stop that you had to step in.

You didn’t know where that came from, Ben’s need to beat people who were conceding. When he was younger you'd seen Ben get in a fight before, but those few times he hadn't continued to beat the other person when they gave up. The smell of whiskey and reefer floats off his clothes and you wonder how much he’s had to drink. Ben had two moods when he was drunk angry or clingy, and right now the anger was winning. You could hear the mad pump of his blood through his body and you wonder what else he might have taken today.

Because whiskey and reefer isn't enough? If he wasn't so damn indestructible he'd probably be dead from overdose.

Ben’s lip is curled back in a sneer, eyes flashing from where Noir lays on the ground then back to you. You know that he's ten seconds away from ripping Noir in half, and that's why you don't move. Noir didn't deserve that.

The way Ben's eyes burn through the space between you is hauntingly familiar as the memory of the night you hid Ben from his father settled over your mind. You fight the shudder at the comparison.

Ben wasn’t anything like his father. The thought is immediate, but then the memory of the past forty years begins to settle over your mind. Or maybe he was.

“Fucking pussy. Having a woman stand up for you.” Ben snaps at Noir.

Ben leans around you to spit at him, then raises his gaze back to you one more time before he stomps off, slamming the door of the gym so hard that it breaks the glass.

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Everyone on Payback was watching you like you were crazy and you partly were. Getting in between Ben and someone else was beyond stupid. It wasn’t the first time, but you knew that you were the only person that could do it. If Countess or Gunpowder had stepped in Ben would not have relented. It had to be you. It always had to be you.

And you hated the weight of that burden on your shoulders.

You turn towards Noir, holding out a hand to help him up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He sighs taking it . “You didn’t have to do that.”

“He’s just being… well. Him.” You mutter.

You hated that this was the new harsh reality, the new Ben that was born when he took the serum and became America’s First Superhero.

“It was incredibly stupid.” Countess sniffs from where she stands with the TNT Twins. Gunpowder is leaning back against the outer ring with Mindstorm who stares unblinkingly at you.

“Well, guess I took a page out of your book then.” You say, narrowing your eyes at her.

You couldn’t stand her. Ever since she joined Payback all she’d done was try to catch Ben’s eye and get between the two of you, but he never gave her the time of day. She had quickly won the favor of everyone else on Payback, which only made you even more angry because it always seemed like you were the odd one out wherever you went.

Countess only sneers back in response, flipping her red hair over her shoulders. Despite Ben's exit the tension in the room is almost choking. Your so-called team was watching you with unreadable expressions and you suddenly got the impression that you were trespassing or interrupting. It had happened before, when you came to a training session early and you walked in on the rest of the team, sans Ben, talking in hushed tones and they immediately broke apart when you appeared.

You couldn’t shake the feeling that despite the fact you stood between Ben and Noir, the rest of the team still didn’t like having you there. Probably because they associated you with Ben. It made you uneasy.

Because despite Stan’s efforts to keep you all together Ben's continuous outbursts drove you all further and further apart. And you worried what would happen the day when the shoe finally dropped.

One look at the clock on your wall showed that it was almost one in the morning, but you weren't tired. All you could think about is what almost happened to Noir. It wasn't that you particularly liked anyone on Payback other than Ben, honestly the whole superhero thing was getting tedious and you had considered more than once getting out.

But you couldn't. Sometimes you felt responsible for Ben, like you were the only thing keeping him on the straight and narrow. Of course every single damn day that road was getting narrower and narrower and now it was more like a balance beam than a two way street.

Ben's new outlook on life that revolved around drugs, women, more drugs, and more women didn't make it easier.

You frown at your sketchpad remembering when Ben founded Herogasm. You'd gone the first time, regretted walking through the door, stayed ten minutes, and then left.

Sex without feelings never appealed to you, but that wasn't why you left, it was watching Ben with other women that hurt you. You could barely get through it when he mentioned something in passing, but watching him there with them made you uncontrollably angry and not to mention frustrated. You didn't understand him, couldn't understand why Ben was different around you. Didn't know why whenever you were alone he would give you hope, just to take it all away again.

How could so much change? How could everything go to shit so quickly?

You think of all the years that followed the night that Ben asked you to come with him, how you thought that Ben was telling you that he loved you in his own way. But he didn’t. You were realizing that now, as painful as it was to admit to yourself, Ben only saw you as a friend, would only ever see you as a friend.

When you decided to come with him you thought that the change would be your friendship into something else, but it never came, the only thing that changed was Ben.

A loud banging at your door makes your entire apartment shudder and pulls you out of your memories of the past.

There's only one person who can do that.

Your home was a small two-bedroom apartment in New York City, but you loved it. It was quaint and comfortable and each time you came home you felt relaxed because you were able to shut out the life you lived everyday. The small kitchen was barely big enough for two people to stand in, but it made it more intimate and cozy. The living room had a soft leather couch, but no tv despite Ben’s complaints that you should get one. He hated that you couldn’t watch his films when he came over. You liked listening to music more anyway. Your collection of vinyl lined the living room wall in clean bookcases next to a small record player. The spare bedroom served as your studio, not that you were trying to sell your art, but because you needed a place to exist where you weren't a supe and where you weren't in love with Ben. There were stacks of sketchbooks in the studio closet from when you were a child, but you couldn't bear to get rid of them. Sometimes you imagined living here with Ben, cooking in the small kitchen while he read the newspaper, lounging on the couch and listening to music together, and falling asleep on his chest with his arms wrapped tightly around you.

You sigh, pushing away the warmth of the thought, and wave your hand to telekinetically unlock the front door behind you. The familiar purple glow from your abilities fills the apartment. Ben had a key, but you figured he just wanted to make an entrance.

Always the drama queen.

“Got anything to drink?” He asks as he enters the living room.

You glance over the back of the couch to look at him. He's more casually dressed now, wearing a pair of jeans and a green t-shirt the same color of his suit.

“What are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d stop by, see if you’re still pissed.”

“As I recall it was you that was pissed.” You roll your eyes at him.

“Only because you were getting in my way Sweetheart” The way he says your nickname is harsh and mocking, so different than the way the old Ben used to say it. When it sounded genuine, caring, almost special.

“Because you were about to rip Noir apart!” You gesture with the pencil in your hand, snapping your sketchpad shut.

“That pussy deserved it. Thinking he was better than me. I’m fucking Soldier Boy and he’s nothing more than a-“ Ben scoffs rolling his eyes.

“Ben I can’t do this if you’re gonna be like this right now.” You interrupt pinching the bridge of your nose with your fingertips, still annoyed from earlier. You hated that he did that, when he made you feel like his babysitter, when he made you feel like you had to make apologies for him.

“Like what?”

“High, drunk, acting crazy-“

“I’m not acting fucking crazy!” He snaps.

“Ben-“ You begin with a sigh.

“Fine.” He spits. “We don’t have to fucking talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you.” You wave a hand haphazardly towards the kitchen. “There should be some whiskey in there somewhere. Though I don’t think you need anything else to drink.” Your nose wrinkles as you inhale, the smell of stale alcohol wafting back, followed by the unmistakable scent of perfume and sweat.

The super senses really sucked sometimes. Smelling the women that Ben had sex with was an unfortunate skill you had acquired.

“Fuck off.” He rolls his eyes, but waits for a minute eyeing you. “You’re not going to get it for me?”

You ignore his sharp tone and turn back to your sketchpad. “Nope. I don’t want to enable you.”

Ben stomps into your kitchen. It's immediately followed by the loud banging of him searching the cabinets for booze.

He should know where it is, spends enough time here.

“If you break anything, you’re going to fix it.” You shout opening your sketchbook back to the page you were on. You were drawing the Philadelphia of your youth, the familiar streets, the cars, and the women dressed in beautiful outfits.

“My hands are better suited for other things Sweetheart.” You hear him mutter under his breath and you try not to snap your pencil in half. His taunt made you think about Herogasm and the scent of perfume on his skin, and that was the last thing you wanted to think about.

Ben comes back and slumps onto the couch beside you, a large whiskey gripped in his hand. He sighs loudly to get your attention when you don't look up from your drawing.

"Alright, what is it?” You ask continuing to draw.

"Nothing.” He grumbles drinking from his glass.

“Ben, I’ve known you for over fifty years I can tell when you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset.”

“Well I doubt it’s over what you said or did to Noir today. So what is it? What are you not upset about?”

"I just thought it would be different." Ben swirls the glass in his hands.

"What?"

"Being on Payback."

"What do you mean?" You continue to sketch the shape of a woman walking down the streets.

"When I first started doing all this fucking superhero shit it was different. Felt like I was promoting something, now it kinda feels like I’m just here. And no one respects me.”

“They’re not going to respect you if you keep threatening them and beating up whoever pisses you off.” You mutter.

“They might.” He snaps.

They won't.

"Well the way things are going with Russia I’m sure there will be another war." You sigh, thinking about the recent newspaper headlines. Everything was devoted to the Cold War, everyone was afraid of what Russia was doing or what they were planning. Stan Edgar and Legend were talking about some Anti-Communist campaign videos and posters that they wanted you to pose for, but you weren't sure you wanted to.

"You think so?" He sounds optimistic.

"I’m not gonna hope for one, but probably. I get it though. You’re doing all those movies and premieres and photo shoots, it doesn't feel real."

It was exactly how you felt. You felt that all this supe shit was coming to a head and what did you have to show for it? A few pictures of you holding up a car or a painted caricature of you on the side of a jet or a short film with stupid prerecorded lines that made no sense and even more ridiculous outfits that Legend tried to get you to wear. When you got the serum with Ben you thought you’d be contributing something to society, but no. It was just like when you were a child, dressed up like a China doll, made to be looked at but never used.

"I like those movies."

"I’ve noticed." You breathe remembering earlier when Ben almost killed Noir over the movie role.

Noir technically started that, but Ben just took it way too far.

"What about you?"

The question catches you off guard. “What about me?”

"You haven’t done any movies lately. Legend said that you turned down a few films." Ben takes a swig from the glass in his hand.

"Aren’t you afraid that I’ll steal some of your thunder Soldier Boy?” Your taunt. “Because I already saw what you tried to do to Noir today. And I’d rather you not beat me to a pulp-“

“You’re not like Noir. You’re different.”

“Mhmm. Sure.” You sigh rolling your eyes at him.

Ben sits there for a minute. You can feel his gaze on you. “I’d never hurt you y/n.”

The softer cadence of his voice makes you pause your pencil against the page. You knew it was true. Even when Ben was pissed off it was the line he never crossed. Ben never touched you when he was angry, but it never made it any easier to deal with him.

“Hey.” Ben whispers to get your attention, but you continue to look down at your paper. “Look at me.” His thumb comes under you chin to lift your eyes to his.

“You know that right?” Ben’s gaze is soft, you hadn’t expected it to be given the way he entered you apartment and his sullen mood. “You know that I’d never hurt you?”

The look in his eyes makes your throat tight, makes you see the Ben you used to know, who promised to look out for you and who promised to be strong for the both of you. And it hurts more than you thought it would, because you weren't sure that boy was still there.

“Yeah. I know.” You nod, but you don’t smile. You knew it was what he wanted to hear. “You’ve been talking to Legend about me?” You say to make the warm feeling of his touch fade.

He shrugs satisfied with your response, the softness fading from his eyes as he drops his hand. “I was worried.”

You fold your legs up under you. “I don’t know, I didn't love any of the scripts. And I’ve been thinking about getting out. I’ve been doing this so long-"

It was the first time you'd said it aloud to Ben. You'd mentioned it once to Legend and then made sure he never said anything about it. You weren't sure how Ben would react to you leaving.

"What?" Ben's eyes widen in surprise.

"Come on Ben, you’re telling me that you don’t want to have a normal life? Meet someone, have some kids, settle down? We’ve been doing this shit for years. Doesn’t get any easier."

"Sometimes.” He smirks at you. “So who’s the guy?”

“What?” You raise your eyebrows in confusion.

“The guy you’re going to settle down with.”

“What makes you assume that I’ve met him?”

“I mean, I’ve never seen you with anyone. And I’ve never walked in on you fucking anyone. Plus, you never come to Herogasm-“ Ben pauses. “It’s not Noir is it? Is that why you were protecting him today?”

“No.” You scoff, shading the side of a building to avoid his gaze, because how do you tell him that you met the only person you’d ever wanted when you were 8 years old?

“Good.” Ben drinks from his glass. “I do think about it sometimes.” He says it quietly.

“Huh?”

“The house, having a few rugrats.” He shrugs. “Might be nice.”

“Yeah.” Your throat is tight imagining Ben with someone else like Countess, sitting at his wedding, watching him say those vows to someone else. You didn't think you'd be able to just sit there if it came to that.

“How about you and I get married?” He says it nonchalantly.

You roll your eyes. You knew he didn’t mean it. He was just saying it to joke with you like always. Ben never saw you that way, you were realizing that more and more each day, even though it hurt to think it.

“We’d kill each other before we say I do.” You quip staring down at the page.

“Maybe. But really, we’ve known each other long enough-“

“That’s not a reason to get married. Plus, we both know that you’re not a one woman kind of guy and if you're actually being serious about this it would mean that you would have to change-“

You think about it. If Ben actually did want to commit, could he do it? His wandering eyes and hands would drive you crazy if he finally did want to start a relationship. You definitely did not want an open relationship. You wanted Ben to be wholly yours as much as you would be his, because you knew that if you devoted yourself to Ben, he would probably cheat, but then be furious if you spent any amount of time with someone else. You remembered all the ways he acted around Howard. Ben was crazy around him, and you and Ben hadn’t been together.

Imagine what he would do to someone else if we were.

“I can be a one woman kind of guy-“ Ben scoffs. “I can do anything.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.” You mutter, but you know he can hear you.

Ben puts down his glass on your coffee table before his hand lays on top of yours against the sketchpad in you lap.

“Y/n.” He whispers. You can smell the whiskey on his breath, but you don’t look up at him, you can’t. Because you know as soon as you look into his eyes you’ll do whatever he wants.

But you didn’t want to be his consolation prize. You didn’t want Ben to marry you because he was bored, drunk, and he thought he might as well marry you. You wanted Ben to marry you because he was 100% head over heels for you as much as you were for him.

He tilts your chin upwards to look at him. Electricity thrums in your veins when you lock eyes, the look in his gaze is open, gentle, almost tender.

It reminds you of the boy you used to know. Lately you hadn’t seen him. If you were being honest, you hadn’t seen him much since the night he came to ask you to come with him, before the serum, when you thought he finally realized that he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

The only time you’d see the real Ben was when it was just the two of you, not the angry, macho, vengeful fighter for justice that he put on whenever he was in front of the team or in front of the cameras. You didn’t understand that. He said that showing emotions made him less of a man, but he never seemed to have a problem being different when it was just the two of you.

You hated that. In those quiet moments you felt your heart clench tight in your chest because each time you thought that he would finally admit that he loved you, that after all these years you were the one.

But he never did.

“I could change.” Ben whispers. “I could be with one woman.”

“Ben.” You take in a deep breath to clear your head, fighting the ball of emotion that has begun to burn at the back of your throat. “You’re drunk.” You breathe.

He blinks a few times as if he can’t comprehend what you're saying.

“You always get like this when you’re drunk. You know?” You pull back from where his hand rests on your chin. “But you can stay if you want. There’s some pizza in the fridge and I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.” You stand and step around him, the urge to cry building in your chest.

“Okay.” Ben whispers to the air, because you're already gone, fleeing down the hallway before he can see you cry.

When you step into the shower you allow yourself to break. The soft sobs drowned out by the sound of running water. You wished you could move past this, all of this and more importantly you wished that you hadn’t fallen in love with him.

Memories of the past lodge themselves in the back of your throat. You remember the day he begged you to come with him to get the Compound V injection, when you left your life behind and chose him. You thought that was his way of saying he loved you, that he couldn’t live without you. You were wrong. It hurt to admit that, but you were wrong. Ben didn’t try to build on the relationship you had, he kept it the same, the friendly banter, the hugs, hanging around with you whenever he couldn’t stand to be alone. He still slept over, but that’s all that happened. You thought that day meant something, that it was the beginning of something, some wonderful romanticized future filled with warmth and love.

You never thought it would be like this.

You didn’t regret going with him often, but on nights like this when it was late and Ben was drunk and he acted differently you did. Because it made you think that there was a chance of a future with him, but then when he woke up the next day sober, it started all over again with him being short tempered and a dick to everyone who was around him.

It was exhausting. And you didn’t know how much more of it you could take.

The only thing you regretted about the serum was that it made you immortal, invulnerable, and that meant whoever you decided to make a life with would die. There was only a handful of others like you and you hadn’t liked any of them except Ben. You wondered if this was your penance for saying no to Howard, your mother's last laugh when she said that Ben would never choose you and now you had to go on like this forever.

You remember the fear that you would be trapped in a marriage with Howard, you never thought that you'd feel trapped with Ben.

But now…

When you walk back into your bedroom, Ben’s already in your bed, laying on his back, smoking a blunt and looking at the ceiling. He's wearing a pair of sweatpants, that you bought him forever ago so he didn't have to sleep in his jeans, and the same t-shirt as before.

“What did I say about smoking those in here?” You sigh, getting into bed beside him, but being careful as to not touch even though it’s all you want.

“It’s a free country doll.” Ben mutters, but he puts it out in the ashtray that you left for him on the bedside table. Because you knew that he would continue to do it even when you told him not to.

The amount of times he ended up here at night always surprised you. Ben might have been bed hopping, snorting, and drinking himself into a stupor but the amount of times you woke up with him in bed next to you was astounding. He’d let himself in with the key you made him for emergencies while you were asleep. It was almost like he didn’t sleep in his apartment anymore and you hated how much you depended on him being there in the morning when you woke up. But the truth was, Ben was all you had, and the thought of losing him scared you. Which meant you continued to put up with the man he became, trying to hold tight to the image of the boy he used to be.

You lay on your back beside him, looking up at the ceiling. The inch of space between your bodies is almost too obvious. “I’m going to go to Philadelphia for a few days.” You breathe.

“Why?”

“My brother isn’t doing too well. His son called.” You say, your throat thick. “He said he thinks that it’s time.”

Your parents had passed a few years ago and Ben had gone to the funerals with you. When Ben’s father had passed, he hadn’t gone to the funeral, he’d drowned himself in the 21st annual Herogasm. And after he showed up on your doorstep smelling like sweat, drugs, booze, and cheap perfume. You’d made him take a shower before getting into bed. The next morning you had woken up in his arms, but more surprising was the fact that he had woken up before you and hadn't pushed you away, in fact he had held you closer to him. You figured that he needed someone there with him. His father had done and said horrible things to Ben, and you kept him company if that’s what he wanted, but couldn’t admit it.

“I’m sorry.” His hand finds yours on the bed. The gesture surprises you.

“Yeah. But that’s the way it is now, I guess.” You whisper, squeezing it.

“What do you mean?”

“We don’t age. Everyone else does. Means that we’ll always just see everyone else go.”

“But not us.” Ben says it like he’s trying to cheer you up.

“Yeah.” You sigh.

Does that mean it’s always going to be like this? Me waiting for him to come here after a 24 hour non stop orgy or after he’s had one two many? Just because he can’t stand the thought of being alone?

You didn’t want that future. You knew that he wanted to be there with you, but it wasn’t enough and it wasn’t the same thing you wanted.

Maybe getting out of this would be good. Put some distance between me and him, let me try to find me again.

Ben is quiet for a minute, the only sound you hear is the thrum of the blood in his veins and his heart steadily pumping it.

“Do you want me to come?” He says it slowly, his thumb rubs against the back of your hand in a soothing motion.

The question breaks something inside of you, because you wanted nothing more than to have him there with you, but you didn’t want the version of Ben who was Soldier Boy, the loud, angry, short tempered version who was always high or drunk. The one that you felt that you needed to apologize for.

“Nah. It’ll be okay. I’ll get to see my great nephew. He’s supposed to be walking now.” You try to force cheeriness into your tone, but it doesn’t stick.

“Okay.”

You can’t help but wonder if Ben is hurt by your rejection. You did not often say no to him.

He doesn’t let go of your hand though, in fact he brings it up against his chest while he looks at the ceiling.

"Do you regret it?” Ben says in almost a whisper

"Hmm?”

“Coming with me.”

You pause for a second and think about lying, but finally settle on the truth. “Sometimes."

"Why?” Ben's voice rumbles against where your hand lays against his chest, and for a second you think he sounds almost pained.

"We’ve changed so much than who we were back then. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself.”

You didn’t want to say that it was him you didn’t recognize. Or that it always felt that you were running after the boy he used to be. The one that made you feel safe, comforted, made it feel like home.

"I don’t think change is a bad thing."

Of course you don't.

"It is if it’s in the wrong direction.” You whisper, but know he can hear you.

“So that’s why you want out? Because you don’t recognize yourself? Seems like a shitty reason."

“I just think it might be nice to try something new. I’ve been doing this for such a long time-“

“That’s why the films would be a good idea. If you want I can talk to the director about you being a co-star in the one we start filming next week. He won't say no to me-“ It was the closest you’d ever heard him come to pleading, besides the night he asked you to come with him to get the serum.

But why? Was it his way of keeping me with him? Was it because he didn’t want me to leave because he wanted me here? Or was it because he just wanted someone there to sit with when the silence was too much? The silence that seems to follow when he's not with me.

“Ben I’m okay. It’s okay I just want something different.”

“Like what?” You hand is still clutched in his where it rests over his chest and you can't help but wonder why. It was surprising. Sure Ben tolerated the occasional hug, but holding your hand for this long was unusual. You attributed it to the booze. When Ben got drunk he tended to be more clingy, he never admitted that, but you saw it.

“I don’t know. I just want a family again-“

“You have a family. You said you’re going to see your great nephew-" Ben says it like he doesn't want you to leave and it breaks something inside you.

How can he not admit that he cares about me? That he loves me? He has to after all these years doesn't he?

“I know. I mean I want a family. Someone to come home to every night, someone I love, someone who loves me-“ You fight to keep the frustrated tears from falling. The dream of him and you inhabiting your apartment together washes back over your mind in shades of gray. You wanted that so badly.

“Oh.”

“You don’t want that?” It’s taking everything for you not to tell Ben that you want it to be him, that you always wanted it to be him.

“Maybe.”

The silence grows between the two of you as you lay there and Ben still hasn't let go of your hand.

“Did you want to marry him?” He says after a few minutes.

“What?” You look at him confused. Ben isn't looking at the ceiling like you thought, he's looking at you. He almost looks, sorry. And you wonder again how much he's had to drink.

“That asshole." He clarifies.

"Howard?"

"Yeah."

“It’s been 40 years-“ You sigh as if it doesn’t matter. But it does. You chose Ben that night and you thought that him asking you to come with him meant that he was choosing you as well.

“Come on.” Ben squeezes the hand that rests against his chest.

“Why does it matter?"

“Because you’re saying you wanted a family. Someone to come home to and that pussy would have given it to you.”

You pause for a second trying to read his expression. “I like the idea of marriage. Of saying those vows to someone else.” You say slowly. “But I didn’t want to say them to Howard.” You don’t say that you wanted to say them to Ben, don’t say that the night he told you not to marry Howard you thought he was trying to tell you that he wanted to marry you instead.

“So you want to say them to someone?”

“Yeah. One day.” You frown, turning back to look at the ceiling. “You never want to say them to someone?”

Ben doesn’t answer immediately. “Maybe.”

Probably Liberty.

You sigh to yourself thinking about one of your least favorite supes that you’d come across. She wasn’t terrible, just pushy and into supes being united together. You also didn’t like that she felt that supes deserved to be worshiped, that supes were gods, but you knew you weren't. The powers were not random, the gifts were not given by God, they were given by the devil and all those deals came with a price. Even if you tired to walk away, you wondered if Vought would let you go. You also hated how much time Ben spent with her.

The thought of her leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and despite how good it feels, you pull your hand free from Ben's grasp and turn your back to him, cuddling into your pillow. Your grip is so tight on fluffy material you wonder how it hasn't ripped, but you need to stop talking to him. Talking to him when he was like this made it harder and right now it was taking everything not to cry again.

And you were just so tired of everything. You wondered if one day it would be different.

“Goodnight Ben.” You whisper.

“Goodnight.”

And just as you drift into a dreamless sleep, you think you feel him put his arm around your waist and pull your back into his chest, but when you wake up the next day you forget and Ben is gone.

n/a: Yeah, this chapter is really sad. And I wish that I could say it gets better, but honestly, it's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. 😭😭😭

Thank you so much for reading! If you'd like to be added to the taglist, please let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303

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#soldier boy x you #jensen ackles soldier boy #soldier boy #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy/ben #the boys amazon #the boys fanfic #jensen ackles #soldier boy fanfiction #soldier boy x y/n #the boys #the boys series #the boys tv #soldier boy fic #jackles #the boys season 3 #the boys s3

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naturistgirl · 2 months ago

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FORAGING FOR HOLLY AS WINTER BEGINS.

Today is the 13th and last new moon of the Celtic year; the Elder (tree) Moon. You may know it as December 1st 2024 but next year the new moon and the first of December may not coincide. The vagaries of the secular Roman calendar mean that it does not follow the moon's female cycle.

It was mild. We set out for the Wild Wood on a Holly Forage. I love going out to cut holly for the house. Most of you know by now that I do everything naked. This day was no exception. It was good to be outside with the soft winter light bathing my skin. I grabbed my Minnie Mouse shopping bag then we headed up the track to the wood. It lies part way up a hill and the brisk climb warmed us. I kept on my beanie and my pink wellies. Black over the knee socks kept my legs and feet warm.

In Celtic mythology, Holly carries great importance. I have spoken of the Derwen (Oak tree) before. The Oak King reigns the bright half of the year. Celynen, the Holly tree, is an emblem of Winter. Its shiny dark green leaves and scarlet berries shine out in an otherwise leafless woodland. The Holly King now reigns supreme in the darker portion of the year.

For thousands of years, people have gathered sprays from this Winter tree to garland and beautify homes in the darker days. The berries are poisonous to humans but the tree and leaves are known for their wonderful, magical properties. Holly wood, ivory white and hard, makes well balanced spear shafts for hunting. Babies were bathed in holly leaf water to safeguard them from ills. The Holly, like the Elder, was known to protect homes from evil spirits and to guard against lightning. The Holly symbolises peace and goodwill. An entwined wreath of holly brings good luck and faeries are thought to use it for shelter in the winter months; bringing good fortune on those who keep some of the boughs in their home.

We threaded the muddy paths of the Wild Wood and saw few other folk. Out on the pasture close by, a mixed flock of sheep were grazing, brought down here from the winter fells. There are many holly bushes here, dotted about among the taller trees. Most of them are male. You can tell them by the yellow flowers they sport in the warmer months. The female trees bear pure white flowers, and later, abundant scarlet berries. One male tree can fertilise up to about eight females (as long as they are no more than 300 feet apart)!

The Holly has a life of around 100 years, sometimes a little more. Like most trees, they embody a wisdom all their own. Look at a mature holly tree, particularly the taller ones (they can grow at least to 30 feet). Lower down, the leaves are spiny; a great defence against being eaten by cattle. Up above, the leaves lack spines and are gently smooth around the edges.

Once home, we will use the holly boughs to adorn our home as the Winter Solstice approaches. We decorate the fireplace, dresser, door frames and mantles to cheer the house as the light fails. Naked, you have to take care not to get pricked by the spines; ouch! We'll place holly above the old Welsh Dresser too. On its shelves, alongside the plates and crockery, stand two bottles of wild raspberry schnapps made from fruit foraged in late summer. Here's raising a glass to the turning of the year, the lengthening days and the returning power of the northern sun. Only then will we be able to spend long warm, naked days outdoors again.

If you are a naturist like us and you enjoyed this post, please like, share and re-blog with our blessing. All photographs were provided by my professional photographer husband (also pictured below).

Thank you Mart for taking such great images. All photos remain our copyright. We welcome messages of support and chats with other genuine naturists or the 'naturally inclined'.

If you simply enjoy looking at pictures of naked girls like me and don't want to read the blog, that's okay too. We won't block you, even if you have one of those creepily empty blogs. If you send messages or images of a sexual nature however, don't expect me to respond. They will generally be deleted and occasionally blocked. Finally, since you clearly appreciate nakedness, why not do us a favour and try it yourself? That weirdly vacant blog of yours could do with at least one naked, naturist photograph of you!

My blog depicts non-sexual nudity. This time I won't be posting solo pics separately as I have done previously. Too many of those shots have been re-blogged onto sexually themed sites, sorry. I love sex and intimacy but you won't find it on this blog. My blog is flagged as 'adult' because of its naturist content, not because there is anything sexual in its pages.

Enjoy your Winter naturism.

Jane xx

#naturist #nude outdoors #clothesfree #nude in nature #normalize nudity #girlblogging #outdoor nudity #woodland walk #celtic paganism #celtic mythology #holly tree #nonsexual nudity #trees and forests #winter #forager

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scarletwinterxx · 10 months ago

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wait for your love - haechan scenario

hellloooo so this one is a request. I've mentioned it before, i'm still not the best at writing angst but I try😅 when i saw this request, a few scenes immediately popped in my head. Hope you like it🥺 also I was listening to We Can't Be Friends by Ariana on repeat while writing this.

Also a short anecdote, when I saw nct dream last year during Sorry, Heart stage I literally bawled my eyes out. Like full on ugly sobbing in my seat haha I was okay during the first verse but when it got to Haechan's turn to sing the chorus the tears just went falling like waterfalls

ANYWAYSSSSSS

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

and if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

"What are we then?"

Those words shouldn't scare Haechan as much as it does. He hates it too. He hates how he can't say it to you but he doesn't want to let you go either.

He hates this grey area the two of you are in now.

"We're us. Isn't that enought?" he asks back

"For fuck's sake, we've been seeing each other for what? like 2 years now? And until now you still can't commit? I can't call you my boyfriend, you don't like it when people ask if we're dating"

"Because it's none of their fucking business"

"Well it's my business, I'm asking you right now, what the hell am I to you?" you stare at him, waiting for an answer. Any answer.

At this point hearing him say you don't mean anything to him would make more sense than the usual silence he'd give you.

"Baby, please I don't want to argue" he mumbles

"See, this is what you do all the time. I'm not a play toy. I'm not some past time you can call whenever you're bored, Haechan. We're adults now. I've invested my time, my feelings, a fraction of my life to you. For this. And you can't even answer me, is that too much to ask? Am I too much?"

You look at him, waiting for him to argue back. You didn't know it was this draining to be in a relationship or situationship or whatever it is you have with him. At some point you got tired of asking him what this all means. When it's clear he's not going to answer you, you stood up from your seat

"I can't do this" you whispered

"What?"

"I can't. I can't do what you're asking, Haechan" you speak clearer this time

He waits a few moments, letting the words sink in.

"What do you mean? I thought you said... you said we can"

With every word he tries not to show he's breaking right and the only thing keeping him together is you, and here you are about to slip through his fingers.

"We can't keep all promises, right? Like how you promised you'll try. This isn't trying."

"Baby-" "Don't" you cut him off. You know it will be a lot harder to walk away if you hear him call you that, it's already hard on you now.

"This is me letting you go" were your last words to him before walking away. You wipe the few tears that escaped, plastering a very fake smile before taking the first step away.

One of many you'd try to take just to get away from this heartbreak.

You would want to say that's not how it ended, that he changed his mind and finally mustered the courage to call you and say what he's really thinking. You want to say that he came the next day and surprised you, knocking on your door holding sunflowers for you.

But no.

After that day you never heard from him again. When you got the (unspoken) message that he'll never try to reach out and fix things between the two of you, you blocked him on everything. Your friends didn't ask questions, you went on with your life. Trying your best to bury and let that part of your story go.

From spending every day and most nights together to being strangers. You acted like he never existed to cover up the hurt you're feeling.

It's been over a year since that. You haven't really cried about it. Not even the day after he left. It's like you're just a shell now. You locked everything in a pandora box in your head, to be forgotten for the rest of time.

"Hey did you hear Dreamers new song?" your roommate asks the moment she steps through the door. You were sitting on the dinning chair, stacks of works and your laptop infront of you

She hears the song playing in the background, "Of course you have, it's good right?" she smiles

"Mhm, I like it"

"Sorry, Heart. Definitely an anthem for the broken hearted" she says withouth meaning out, "I meant like you know it's a sad song" she adds

You chuckle, she probably thinks this song is very fitting for you and you kinda agree with her.

"Anyways, I'm going to the lounge later. Want to come with?"

"Sounds good, I actually need to go out, stretch my legs and get some fresh air"

"Okay, let's leave after lunch"

You met with other friends at the lounge, chatting and sharing notes together. It was a good way to pass time. These days you find that it's best to keep yourself occupied so as not to think about things you'd rather not think about. You kept yourself busy. Finding random hobbies, fixation. For a while you liked running after class, then you got into baking, then crocheting. Activities that keeps you busy, distracted long enough not to remember.

One day you were at a record store, your newest hobby. Browsing for a new record to take home. Today out of the days you forgot to bring your headphones so you hum along the music playing in the store.

While reading the back of the record you were holding, you hear it.

A familiar voice you haven't heard in a long time, a voice you didn't think you'd hear again.

Your head shoots up, looking at the other side of the aisle.

You'd know his voice anywhere. You can be inside the loudest room and you'd still be able to single out his voice.

There he stands right across you, signing out your favorite bands newest song while he has his headphones on. Probably not realizing he's singing a bit too loud.

When Haechan felt someone staring at him, he looks up not expecting you to be looking back at him. He blinks a few times, comtemplating if this was all a dream or he's going crazy and started to hallucinate.

Immediately you put back the record you were holding and ran out the store. Once again leaving Haechan behind.

You're already far by the time he takes the steps to follow you, thinking this time he's not going to make the same mistake but you were already gone.

He knows you blocked him. Of course he tried to call you but his efforts were shut down when he couldn't reach you or his messages won't deliver.

Similar to you, he tried to find distractions. To drown out the thoughts, he drinks, goes out to parties, too many nights he drunk texted you, saying how much he missed you only to see it in the morning unsent. Most of the time there's music directly blasting through his ears. Music being his only escape from his own thoughts, if he's left long enough it's like his own mind is beating him up.

That's how he got into collecting records. He was on the look out for this new record so he decided to drop by the store that day. He didn't expect to see you there.

Out of all the places he'd see you again.

He's not going to lie, he imagined this moment many times before. Even rehearsed what he'd say to you when he see you again but now that it happened he just froze on the spot.

Just like that it's like he back in his room, watching you walk out his door for the last time. He's back to square one.

It's been weeks and no sign of Haechan. It's a good thing, you think.

Also you've been subtly avoiding going to public places just in case you accidently see him again. You thought you're ready, but the moment you saw him it's like all of these emotions you've repressed since you left came back again.

Your roommate finally convinced you to come out. A few of you were gathering for karaoke night. You almost said no again but you need a night out, one more night in your room might just drive you crazy.

"Oh my gosh, girlie you're hereeeee" one of your friends squeals when she saw you walk in the room

"I'm here as a spectator, not to sing" you tell her, accepting the bottle of beer she hands you

"Alright by me, you better cheer the loudest when I sing"

You got invited to karaoke night. A couple of students from campus got together tonight to hang out for chill night. Even though you don't really sing, you do enjoy hanging out with your friends.

You were talking to another friend when suddenly you hear the intro to a familiar song being sung by a familiar voice.

왜 이리도 쉽게 토라지는지? (Why do I become mad so easily) 내 맘이 작아서 너무 한심하지? (It's pathetic that my heart is so small right?)

You look over the makeshift stage to see Haechan holding the mic, singing out one of your favorite songs.

어떻게 널 볼까? (How can I see you?) 밤새 뒤척인 맘의 조각들 반짝이지 않아 (I toss and torn all night The fragments of my heart don't shine) 난 알고 있는데 내가 할 수 있는 건 (I know it, what I can do is) "I'm sorry", 그 말뿐이란 걸 (Only those words)

Before the chorus starts, Haechan looks through the crowd finding you. He looks straight at you as if he's singing every word to you.

Words you wished you heard from him a long time ago.

Tell me why I let you down Any chance I get, I'm breaking down 잘못인 걸 다 아는데 (아는데), 왜 힘든 걸까? (I know I'm at fault but why is it tiring?) To tell you that I'm sorry, heart

For the rest of the song the two of you look at each other. You listen to him, imagining it was really him who was saying those words and not through the song.

When he finished, you stood up to go outside and get some fresh air.

Of course he's here. Luck was never on your side and fate seems to like playing jokes on you.

Haechan watches your back, giving the mic to the next person before following you out. You hear the footsteps behind you, knowing who it might be without looking back.

You're now at the rooftop of the building, a fewer people were hanging out here than inside. Feeling another presence beside you but they haven't said anything yet.

Even though you already know who it was, you don't say anything instead you get another beer from a nearby cooler and passing it over to Haechan without a word.

For a while neither of you said anything, watching the view in front of you.

“I get flashbacks when I see you and not the good kind” you finally speak out loud

“You’re saying that like I was the worst thing that ever happened to you” he snickers, holding the bottle up to his lips to drink his beer

He really didn’t think you’d talk to him or even acknowledge his existence at all. But now here you are, at some rooftop at a party he least expected to see you.

He’s trying not to be too obvious but he can’t keep his eyes off of you. Maybe it was the way the light hit your face, or how the cold breeze was hitting his skin and yours. The moment he arrived he was kind of hoping to find you here tonight. He knew some of your friends were coming, you did use to have the same circle of friends until he started to distance himself.

He's glad though knowing you found good people who'll be there for you.

He's looking at you again, not being able to stop himself. It was at this moment he realized. Realized something he never thought he was ever capable of ever doing again.

Feeling. Loving. Falling and accepting.

The sound of horns from cars and the murmuring people in the background, the city lights in front the two of you and the stars as the witnesses. Witness for something that’s about to unfold.

It was scary. This new found knowledge scared him.

In the past it was scary to him to even think about being tied down. To be committed to someone. All of this comes from his fear of failing. He wanted to tell you that before, the last day before you ended things between the two of you he wanted to let you know the reason why he couldn’t set things straight with you was because he was scared of letting you down. He was scared you might feel trapped.

It's wasn't you who was too much for him. He was the one who felt like he was too much for you. He thought he was being too fast, too careless. His fears got the better of him, costing him a future with you.

You walked away and everything in his life got worse. Like the only light in his life was extinguished.

Right now feels like that one chance to get things right. Even though he still feels scared, this time he’s willing to take that risk for you.

There are other things to be scared of, like your gaze. It was the way you were looking at him.

Like you can just consume all of him with those eyes. How you’re saying a thousand words with them without saying a single syllable.

One look into his own eyes and he's ready to surrender everything to you.

“Do you really want to hear my answer to that or are you still emotionally unavailable?” you ask, taking a sip of your own drink.

“At what point did you realize you liked me? Like really liked me?” he asked instead, all he got was a laugh from you. You were laughing out loud like it was the funniest joke you’ve ever heard.

“We were watching a movie, I mumbled something under my breath. I think it was something along the lines of ‘oh that’s so cute’, talking to myself. Then I felt you hold my hand, you kissed it before holding it in yours for the rest of the movie. It’s not the grandest gesture but at that moment I felt so content. It was all I wanted but I knew you didn’t think the same way” you smile sadly recalling that memory. Giving him an answer, wondering why you did.

"I guess I never said sorry, I'm sorry"

You shrug, taking another swig from your drink. "What's done is done. I would say no hard feelings but I kinda do hate you for what you did"

"Good. I'd be sadder if you said you didn't care. Hate isn't the opposite of love, it's indifference" he says

"Was that what you felt for me before? Indifference?" you can't help but ask, in your mind you're not sure if you're ready to hear his answer but it's too late to take it back

He shakes his head, drinking the rest of his drink before standing straight to face you

"I felt more for you, more than I ever said. In that I was wrong, I admit. I should've told you. It might be no use in telling you now, but I did feel something for you. I was being stupid and was too scared to admit it"

"Then why are you telling me now?"

"Because I realized not having you in my life is scarier than the thoughts in my head. I was too scared of my own mind, I sacrificed you instead when I shouldn't have. I could've told you. I wish I told you"

You listen to him, letting it sink in. For so long you asked just what went wrong, what you could've done differently or what would've happened if you stayed.

"I waited, I waited until you told me you liked me. But the more I waited, the more I started to not like myself. I knew I deserved more but I stayed because I wanted to be with you. You were always first to me" you say

Hearing you say those words breaks something in him. He did like you, he still likes you. Haechan has always kept a safe distance from everyone, you were the only exception.

"I'm glad we got to talk" you say to him with a smile, then you walk back inside.

This time Haechan didn't follow you because he knows this won't be the last time he sees you.

"Oh my gosh, so that's what happened between the two of you?"

After that conversation with Haechan, you went back to your place and called it a night. The next day your roommate noticed you were staring blankly into space, out of concern she asked you what's wrong. You told her all that happened in the past 24 hours then you told her all about your history with Haechan.

"Yep, I haven't seen him around campus that much after that"

"You know, one of his friends is my blockmate and we go to the same gym. I heard he did an exchange program for a year, maybe that's why you haven't seen him around" she tells you

"Oh really, he did mention it before. Maybe he went through with it" you mumbled

"So you guys were like in a situationship then?"

"I guess so. We weren't exclusive, but he was the only guy I was seeing for like 2 years. Remember when I was barely home"

"Oh! That was him? He used to like send food here all the time whenever you were busy studying"

"What?"

"Oh my god I forgot to tell you that? yea this was like when you guys were a thing. During exam season or when you're busy with reports and stuff, he'd drop off food for you" she tells you

"I thought you had those delivered"

"Girl no, half of the time he leaves it at our door. The only reason I know is because I caught him one time and he fessed up"

No, you definitely didn't know that.

Haechan never told you. He never told you anything. At some point you thought it was better to not ask instead of being met with silence as a reply.

One thing you know though is he's the type to take action rather than say it. You won't be surprised if he did it before, he might not be good at expressing himself but he never passed the chance to make you feel like you're the only girl in his world.

It feels like that was another lifetime ago, that at some point in your life you'd rather be the backburner than totally lose him.

Seeing him again was no help. It's like you spiraled down again. You thought he didn't have this effect on you anymore but you were wrong. You'd be lying if you say you haven't thought of him since you saw him last.

What you didn't know was Haechan felt exactly the same. He's trying to think of a way to reach out to you without seeming to needy, he didn't want you to think he's forcing himself back into your life.

Another week has passed and still no sign of you. He decided to get drinks with his friends, he's a few drinks in when he decided to call it an early night. This really wasn't where he wanted to be.

He's not sure where he wants to be. All he knows is his night would be a thousand times better if he sees you, even just a glimpse.

On his walk back to his place, he plucked a branch from a random plant. Picking out the leaves one by one, leaving a trail behind him.

You're on your way back from the library, deciding to get some midnight snacks first. You noticed the scattered leaves on the road, chuckling at the sight. The more steps you take, you slowly realized it's the same path to your apartment.

You slowed down, looking around to check if anybody was close to you but the street is empty. You grab your phone in your pocket just in case, while you hold your keys with the other hand.

When you're nearing your front door, you see someone sitting at the steps. Head lying low, you can't even see his face but you'd know that brown mop of hair anywhere.

"Haechan?" you called out for him

Haechan looks up, seeing you walking towards him. At first he thinks he's dreaming, he wipes his eyes to clear his vision. Even pinched his arm to check if this was real.

You're here.

He's here.

"What are you doing here?" you asked once you're standing right in front of him

"I grabbed drinks with Yangyang and Jeno, I swear I was walking home. I guess I got confused" he mumbles, now holding a branch with no leaves on it.

You look at it, then looked back at the trail of leaves behind you.

"Do you want to come in? Go drink some water or coffee first before you head back" you offered

"Are you sure?" he asks back, standing up from the steps

"Wouldn't offer if I wasn't. Let's go inside, it's getting chilly"

He steps aside to let you go first, following behind you. The elevator ride up to your floor was quiet, even after going in your apartment Haechan didn't say a word.

"Here, have some water. I can make coffee but it's too late to drink it, do you want ramen or something?" you ask him while getting the snacks you got out of the grocery bag

"Do you usually ask guys to come in with you and cook ramen for them?" he asks

He meant to only think of it, but with the little amount of alcohol in his system seems to have turn the filter off.

You snicker at his question. Instead of answering him, you grab two ramen cup noodles from your cupboard and turn the kettle on. You wait for the red light to turn green before pouring it in the cups, bringing it over the kitchen island and taking the seat beside him.

"I can't even order late night snacks without thinking about you, we used to do it all the time when I came over at yours or when we're having late night hangouts. You ruined a lot of things for me" you finally say

Haechan just looks at your profile. Even though you say it like that, there's really no trace of anger on your face. Maybe you are, but to him you look so pretty and cozy. He wanted to beat himself up for ever thinking he can walk away from this. From you.

"For what it's worth, whenever I get drunk I used to text you all the time. You probably blocked me because the messages never got delivered. Every morning I see that on my phone, message after message until I lost count. I knew you weren't going to answer but I still did it"

"Why?" you ask him

"I missed you. I wanted to tell you I was being stupid, I wanted to beg for you to take me back. But all of those thing I could only say with a bit of help from alcohol. That's how I knew I couldn't go back, not yet anyways. You deserved more than drunken confessions"

You look over at him, for the first time since that night you really look at him. The same eyes that used to feel like home to you.

He looked so different yet the same.

You still feel the same.

"It's been 3 minutes, you hate soggy noodles" you nod at his ramen. Opening your own cup to start eating. Neither of you said anything after that. It wasn't awkward, you actually enjoyed the quiet.

For the first time since Haechan came back and you saw him again, your mind was at peace. You weren't overthinking things. You weren't wondering your long list of what if's.

It's like a part of you knew he's finally here again.

After the quick snack session, he helped you clean up before walking towards the door.

"Thank you for the uh snacks and water" he didn't know what to say, a shy Haechan is a rare sight so you can't help but smile.

Haechan sees this, he can feel his own cheeks redden. You still look so beautiful when you smile, so beautiful that he's ready to fight anyone who makes you smile that isn't him.

"Go home, it's late. You're sober now right?" you ask him

"Yea, I'm good"

"Okay, don't want you getting confused and going to someone else's front door"

"I promise I won't drunk text you again so will you unblock me now? Or if you have a new number you can text me or whatever. Actually you know what, do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Don't listen to me, I'm just blabbing now"

You can't help but giggle at him, the action making Haechan's heart skip a few beats.

"I'm imagining this is how those drunk texts would sound like" you say

"I missed you, Y/N" he mumbles

You don't say anything. He can hear his own heartbeating, each thump like it's the last then you're smiling back at him

"Goodnight, Haechan"

He smiles at you, waving goodbye before finally walking out. He gestures for you to close the door behind him, only leaving after he hears the lock from the other side. He skips back home.

The next few days were back to normal, you weren't feeling gloomy. You were going out with friends. All in all, you're in a great mood.

"Hey, somebody left this outside. Tell me I'm crazy but is this from Haechan?" your roommate hands you over a small bouquet of flowers with a paper bag full of snacks.

"Uh yeah, I think so"

"I know things didn't end well between the two of you, but the boy is still so whipped for you" she mumbles, watching the small smile on your face

"Maybe it's just a peace offering"

"Right, well whatever it might be I say go for it. As long as you're happy"

You look up at her, shocked to hear that all of a sudden "Isn't that what you're worrying about? You really think I didn't notice it, you were listening to Sorry, Heart on repeat the other day then now you're listening to love songs. If he's it for you, then give it a chance"

She left after that, leaving you alone at home.

You take the gifts Haechan sent to your room, putting the flowers in a vase. You see a small note attached,

xx12131xxx just in case you lost it or changed your number. - H

You get your phone and dial the number, it's still in your phone. You unblock it first before you click call, waiting a few rings before you hear his voice

"Y/N?"

"How did you know it was me?"

"I wasn't expecting anyone else, and uh it looks like you didn't change your number"

"Oh yea uhm so you're unblocked now" you told him, not really sure what else to say

He chuckles, "Thanks, so I'm guessing you got the flowers and the snacks?"

"Yeah, thanks by the way. Why though?"

"You shared your stash with me the other night, just wanted to pay you back"

"You didn't have to, I offered. But thanks again"

"Hey uh are you busy right now? or tomorrow or really whenever you're free"

"I don't have anymore classes today"

"Do you want to go grab coffee or food or anything really. Whatever you want, my treat"

If someone told you you'd be going out to get drinks with Haechan, you'd say they're out of their mind. But here you are, visiting a new cafe you've never been to with a guy you thought you'd never be with again.

"I'd get the taro milktea, thanks"

"I'll take this one" he points at the drink in the picture, "And two of the cookies please, thank you" he pulls out his card to pay for the both of you. When you got your drinks and food, you walked back outside to sit on the vacant seats. The weather was nice, it wasn't too hot or too cold. A perfect day to be out.

You open your drink, taking a quick sip while Haechan does the same. You notice he made the face, like when he drinks or eats something sour.

"It's lemon flavored isn't it?" you chuckle, taking the drink from him and giving yours to him instead

"No, it's fine. I'll drink it"

"You hate anything sour flavored, I like lemon it's fine" you sip his drink, it does taste good but you know he won't like it

He watches you get the cookies, breaking it in half before giving him the other.

"If you have anything to say, just say it. You're too in your head again" you tell him

"Sorry, I was just..." he's at lost for words, but this time not for the wrong reason.

It's like his mind can't put what he's feeling in to words.

"Did you get the record you were looking for?" you ask him, changing the topic

"Huh?"

"At the record store"

"Oh I wasn't really buying anything, I was just browsing around. They didn't have the vinyl version of the album I wanted, I'll come back some other time" he tells you, taking a sip of your well now his drink.

"You were singing to the Dreamers, you know them?"

"I know a few songs, Sorry, Heart is good. I like that one"

"Me too. You sounded good when you sang it" you complimented him, this made him smile shyly at you

"Isn't it a bit too sad?" he asks, you shrug your shoulders

"I like it, although my roommate said I've been playing love songs these past few days" you shake your head, remembering what she told you

"Thank you by the way" Haechan suddenly says

"For what? You paid for our drinks"

"I meant for agreeing to get drinks with me. I was an asshole to you. All the time I was gone, I was thinking about how to make it up to you. That is if it's okay with you" he tells you.

He mentally pats himself on the back for not messing that up. Maybe slowly he'll learn how to speak his true feelings, he just hopes you'll be there to listen to him. Even though it took him this long.

"The last thing you asked me was what are we, I was being stupid. I wanted us to be more. I wanted us to be official but I was always scared to say it. I don't know why I was ever scared of committing, I could've been with you. That's my regret"

"Haechan"

"You're not a playtoy to me or just some past time whenever I'm bored. You were never too much for me. If anything I was the one who lacked. I don't blame you for walking away, I deserved that. I needed that so I could finally grow up"

You listen to him. You listen to him finally say the words you've been waiting to hear from him.

"This time I want to do it right, I want to take you out on dates, be there to go on night walks with you, go buy records we'd listen to, whatever you want to I just wan to do it with you. If you'll still have me"

The last words was barely a whisper, like he's scared to say it outloud, scared you might turn him away.

Haechan feels his heart beating wildly again, one day he might pass from arrest he thinks. Then you smile at him and it's like everything in his world stops.

You lean over, kissing the corner of his lip lightly. It was so quick but to him it felt like long time

"All I wanted was that, when it gets too much in your head you can talk to me. I'll listen. We don't have to walk away from each other" you tell him

"I'm sorry" he whispers

"I forgive you, the same way I forgive myself from everything that has happened. We need to heal from those wounds for us to move forward"

He smiles at you, he didn't even notice he got a bit teary eyed until a few tears escaped. He wipes it away before looking back at you again.

You stand up from your seat, holding out your hand to him. He looks at your hand then your face then your hand again before intertwining it with his.

There wasn't a destination in mind, he's probably thinking the same. The two of you just walk where your steps lead you to, with him following beside you holding you close to him.

Haechan looks at your hands, a smile forming on his face. He leans towards you to kiss you on the head, the action making you smile too.

"Thank you" you hear him mumble. You didn't say anything back but he felt you grip his hand tighter. Squeezing it three times.

And he knew everything was finally going to be okay. This time, you won't let go.

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xoxodeardiary · 9 months ago

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What I’ll do | Jey Uso

Synopsis: Things change, people change and we all make mistakes, what matters is what we do to fix them.

WARNINGS: Cursing, graphic depictions on sex (hopefully vivid detail) ( usage of pussy, dick ect) drunken sex, p in v penetration, oral sex fem and male receiving, Unprotected sex( be safe)

Please let me know if I missed any

Enjoy

——

Cleopatra zoned out her whining cheating now ex- boyfriend on her phone not saying much of nah thing after blowing up her friends and families phones carrying on.

Rolling her eyes as she sat at her vanity re-applying her lip combo rubbing her plump glossy

“Yup” she said before hanging up and blocking the number she was going out tonight, she needed some fun in her life again.

“Girl I don’t even know why you picked up the phone for his ass anyway.” Her longtime friend Jazzy said walking over to the minor fluffing her hair.

“I don’t even know but how that’s over where we going?” Cleo asked standing up and checking her purse making sure she said everything.

“Out the Uber is here” she said taking Cleo hands making her smile.

“Damn it’s one of those nights.”

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Cleo’swrld

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The music was hitting, the drinks starting to taste like juice bodies swaying to the music in the sea of people. Bryson tillers “Don’t” playing through the loud speakers. Cleo making her way to the bar getting ready to go home.

“Excuse me I’d like to pay my tab” She waved the bartender a quite handsome young man but not her type smiled back to her.

“Someone’s already paid it for you but I can get your card for you.” He said before reaching around to grab her things still confused.

“Can I ask who?” She asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“The guy In the VIP over there in the white windbreaker and the grills” he pointed in the dark section to the man on the couch in the sea of people around him. He was kind of hard to see but once Cleo’s eyes set on him she couldn’t take her eyes off him and by the looks of the staring contest they were having he couldn’t either.

Joshua didn’t know how long he had been looking at the beautiful woman sing and rap out, the way her body danced and her glossy lips moved it felt like everything was going in slow motion. That she was the only woman in the club deciding to man up he went over to the bar to pay her tab and hopefully bump into her in the sea of people.

Only was the contest broken when Jazzy came stumbling over. “hey girl Mozzy is here to get me are you going to be okay home?” Jazzy said giving a drunken smile pointing over to the entrance where Maurice stood looking over that them.

“Nah I’m okay boo I’m heading out to” exchanging a final “ are you sure” before She and mozzy was out looking back over to where the fine man was, and unfortunately she couldn’t see him anymore.

Taking the L and deciding to just go home she gathered her purse and stood to walk down the platform stairs in her heels. Only to miss a step preparing, to go face first she closed her eyes when the impact didn’t come she opened one eye and peaked. Earning a chuckle from a deep voice.

Suddenly aware of the bigger, stronger tatted arms around her face. Opening both eyes to see the fine ass man that paid her tab.

“You okay ma?” He asked looking her in her eyes snapping out of a daze she nodded her head. Then he let his grip on her waist faulted and she already missed having them there.

“Look I’m not trying to sound too forward but I just wondering if you wanted to get somthing to eat and chill for a bit?” He asked keeping eye contact.

“You promise you’re not a killer?” The girl with the big brown eyes asked again leaving him laughing.

“Nah but if it makes you feel safer my name is Joshua Fatu and I live in Pensacola, Florida.” He said quickly but firmly.

“Okay where are we going?” She bit back from looking at his juicy pink lips reminding herself that would be weird. Apparently not to Joshua because his eyes fell on to hers licking his before his deep voice rang out.

“Whereva’ you want ma”

Everything was going so slow and yet heated, you couldn’t get out of the car and into the hotel fast enough, getting the key felt like forever.

The heated kiss broken by the ding of the elevator, opening the door hands on her waist tapping her butt twice signaling for her to jump.

Carrying her to the bed laying her down, her back on the bed legs on Joshua’s shoulders, who was on his knees slowly lifting her dress and parting her legs looking deep into her eyes as he took his big hands up her thighs and taking her lace panties down her legs with his hands.

Placing teasing sloppy kisses around her wet lips, a soft whimper Cleo let out made Josh’s dick impossibly harder. “whatcha’ want ma” lips in a pout.

“Please Josh fuck me” immediately diving in josh holding her legs in place as he began hungrily eating her pussy. Sucking on her clit earning a moan from Cleo.

Taking his tongue and stretching all the way out and in her pussy hitting all the right places and discovering a few new ones. The knot in her stomach the high getting stronger and stronger from the stimulation.

“Give it to me” he mumbled into her wet heat and then she shivered as she squirted all over his face as she came and he lapped her her sweet juices.

Standing up he undressed himself in a hurry getting on the bed laying back, Cleo positioning herself between his legs before taking his long curved dick in her mouth.

Bobbing her head up and down pumping what she couldn’t fit in her mouth with her hands slurping him up. Eyes snapped shut, toes curling as she took his soul making a makeshift ponytail before he started fucking her face as he came deep down her throat.

Continuing to suck him up taking a step further taking his balls into his hands. Spit and cum dripping off of her chin down his balls his dick was still standing tall.

“I’m about to fuck you up” grabbing her placing a messy kiss to her lips before leading her to all fours before entering him.

“Oh fuck” Joshua moaned out feeling her wet spongey walls squeeze around his dick taking her two legs into his two hands then, his hands moved and gripped her ridden up dress as she threw her full ass back into his pelvis.

“Oh shit” she breathed out with each and every stroke the mountains of please resting in her stomach. “Yeah, you like that?” He asked taking his free hand to grab her jaw forcing her to look up at him.

“Huh ma? Whatcha say I can’t hear you?” He teased relentlessly beating up her pussy eyes going back and forth between her beautiful blissed out face and the creamy mess she was making over him.

“Fuck- I love it, please keep fucking me” she finally found her voice to say putting a devious smile on Joshua’s face flipping her over missionary style moving one of her legs over his shoulder going even deeper his tip kissing her g-spot her eyes rolled deep in the back of her head as she lost her voice once again as she came all over the him.

Not too long after Joshua came behind her filling her up collapsing beside her taking a rest as she began to fall asleep he grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom and cleaned the both of them up before getting in the shower and leaving.

Hi hi I know the ending was very abrupt (I feel like) I just didn’t know how to end it and I’ve been excited to start this fic hope you enjoyed.

#main event jey uso #jey uso x oc #jey uso fic #jey uso smut #jey uso x reader #jey uso #wwe raw #wwe smackdown #wwe x reader #wwe x oc #wwe smut

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olive-fics · 1 year ago

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☆Abby comforting FEM reader after nightmare☆

Hi! I would like to mention rq this was a request but I'm actually super duper stupid and accidentally deleted the request.. I absolutely LOVED this idea. <3 sorry for lack of posts! writers block tbh.kjfkldsjkljsk

Use of Y/N a few times, fluff, Y'know.. the usual. (Not proof read and probably many typos, bare with me.)

For the girls and the gays.. Men DNI! (Please. <3)

-This was one of the first nights "away" from Abby, your girlfriend. Abby was off at work for one of her first nightshifts this month at the office. Abby knew this would be hard on both of you so she promised she would put in her best effort to keep you happy, even with these new shift hours.

All day you felt crazy without Abby's touch.. Her hugs from behind, neck kisses and nuzzles. Hell, you're still trying to savor the soft kisses and hug Abby gave you before she left for work that morning.

As much as you do miss Abby, you can't even lie about how much she makes.. Because fuck, does her job pay well.

Abby spoils the shit out of you whenever she can, She never spoiled you in that rich people bullshit and fancy brands stuff but truly, if you wanted any of that she would buy it for you. Abby liked to spend her money on good memories.. EX: Trips, Dinners, occasional video games to play with you.. But you get it. She loves you and works hard so you're happy.

As much as money was important for bills and taxes it's not what you really needed. What you really needed was her physical touch.. Why did she have to take these night shifts??

You sat in bed trying to pass time by watching shitty cable tv, you couldn't even watch the current Netflix show you and Abby were watching together or she'd get upset, even though that's all you wanted right now. To make Abby upset, she made you upset? Why not get her upset for taking these shifts. Of course you could never betray Abby like that though so...push aside those evil thoughts Y/n.

All you could think about was the sound of Abby coming home.. Her coat and keys being placed on the counter with her boots dropping with a thud in the kitchen floor.

You weren't lazy all day of course, you did all that house wife shit like cleaning the house, making dinner, and buying groceries. Abby of course appreciated your work you did for her but she thought you were so lonely when she's not home.. "You need friends Y/n, please go join a book club or go to the gym.. you can make friends--"

When you sat in bed you couldn't even sleep, you haven't slept alone since you and Abby had first started dating.. You eventually fell asleep with Abby's pillow, inhaling her pine soap scent as you slept with another pillow between your legs as a replacement for Abby.. As much as it was embarrassing for how much you needed Abby it somewhat helped.

As you were sleeping Abby had finally came home, the click on the front door was quiet, Abby knew you were asleep with how dark the house was and how you didn't get up from the couch or something to hug her. The only Light she could see was the lamp in the living room and the Tv light from your guy's shared bedroom.

Abby had gone to bathroom to brush her teeth, wash her face off and change into some pajamas.

The longer you slept that's when your shitty re-appearing dream had appeared when you were stressed. Abby knew too, she heard your little mumbles and saw the little beads of sweat on your forehead..

"Y/n? baby?" She whispered to you, not to frighten you but to hopefully wake you up slowly. You didn't get up. Of course Abby had to have a heavy sleeping girlfriend.

Abby got in bed behind you, wrapping her forearm around you, pulling you into her chest. She tucked her right leg between both of yours and smelled your hair. God she missed the smell of you and the house. Abby rubbed soft circles on your back and thigh to comfort you incase you woke up.. and you did, horrified.

Gasping you woke up in a pool of your sweat and Abby's arms around you..

"Hey.. Hey calm down Y/n.. it's me.. I'm right here.." Abby whispered into your ear and kept trying to calm you down.

"It was just a bad dream.. I'm home now.." Abby gave soft kisses on your neck instantly calming you down. Finally.. Abby was home and that's all that mattered..

"Missed me huh sweet girl?.." Abby rocked you in her arms as you just turned around and wrapped your own arms around her.

"Missed you so much Abigail.. Please don't take those night shifts.. Please.." You begged her in your sleepy, teary eyed voice.

"Oh Y/n... I'll see what I can do princess." Abby ran her big fingers through your hair and kissed you softly, her minty breath made you sigh contently.

"Goodnight Y/n.." Abby hushed you to sleep again, and you did. Perfectly. ☆

Ahh ok hi I know I haven't posted in a few days but trust me.. I've been writing stuff!!!

☆ SMALL NOTE: Please stop sending me pure vents in the anonymous asking thing! It doesn't bother me but I'd feel bad about posting about it y'know? Just give me a general request! That's it! ☆

Sleep well!

#tlou fic #abby tlou #abby the last of us #fanfic #lesbian #wlw #abby anderson x reader #tlou fanfiction #abby anderson #comfort #cuddling #romantic #abby x you #abby anderson fluff #abby anderson x female reader #tlou2 #tlou #anonymous

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judesmoonbeauty · 5 months ago

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Only Look At Me CE: Ellis Twilight

This is a repost. Due to the original being deleted, CGs will not be uploaded per my announcement. This is a fan translation only, so please expect grammatical errors and lack of nuance. While I appreciate your support and welcome re-blogs, please do not repost my translations elsewhere. Thank you for you support! ☾.

We spread out a sheet and enjoyed a picnic, just the two of us,

Kate: Ah……

I saw a man dressed in white passing by a window of the castle.

Ellis: Kate?

I turned my attention back to his voice as he waited for the scone to reach his mouth.

Seeing him tilt his head with his mouth open, I smiled wryly and brought the scone to his lips.

Ellis: Mmm, it’s delicious.

Kate: Hehe….Victor’s scones are exquisite.

Ellis: Yeah, but it tastes even better because you’re feeding it to me, Kate.

Taking the scone away, he holds it to my mouth and pecks me with it.

As I squinted at the sweetness spreading in my mouth and the happy afternoon,

Ellis: What were you looking at earlier?

He wiped the crumbs from my mouth with his thumb, and turned his gaze in the direction I’d been looking earlier.

Kate: I saw a man dressed in white pass by the window……

Kate: I think it was a Vogel member.

I wasn’t sure who it was, but the man in white wasn’t from Crown.

Ellis: So, you’re interested in those guys?

Kate: Am I interested…..

(I’m Ellis’ exclusive Fairytale Keeper…..)

Kate: Since we might interact with each other, I thought it would be good to get to know them.

I feel like it’s my job as the Fairytale Keeper to get to know them.

Ellis began to put away everything away.

Kate: Ellis?

Ellis: It’s getting windier, let’s go inside.

The breeze felt pleasant to me, and it wasn’t cold.

(What happened…..)

As I started to worry about him, he had finished cleaning everything efficiently,

Ellis: Let’s go.

He smiled softly and held out his hand the same as usual.

My relief was short-lived, as I was led by the hand to Ellis’ room.

Kate: …..Ellis?

He stood with his back to the door, holding the doorknob with one hand

Ellis: I’ll ask you again.

Ellis: Kate, are you interested in those guys?

I tilted my head at his repetitious words.

Kate: I just think it’s my job to get to know them, you know?

Kate: Besides, they’re from Germany, so they’re probably unfamiliar with this country……

Ellis: Let’s say one of them asked you to show them around London, would you do it?

(If they asked me as the Fairytale Keeper, I might not be able to refuse.)

(But, I would be with Ellis, so…..)

The moment I opened my mouth, I heard the sound of the door lock simultaneously.

Kate: Uh…..

Ellis: …..I don’t like that.

After locking the door behind him, he approached me step by step as he looked down,

Ellis: Even though I said that myself, just imagining that scene made me hate it.

When I instinctively retreat, my back hits the wall with him standing in front of me, blocking the way.

Ellis: If they ask you to show them around London, then I’d be the only going.

Ellis: I want you to wait in my room, and if possible don’t leave it.

Kate: Ellis.

The hand that caressed my cheek was warm, but his eyes were dark and cold.

Ellis: I know you don’t have any romantic intentions, but…..

Ellis: I don’t like you being interested in other men.

(Is it possible…..)

Ellis: Kate, you’re my exclusive Fairytale Keeper, so you don’t need to know about other curses.

Ellis: You only need to know about me.

(……I knew it, you’re jealous.)

The words uttered in the disturbed atmosphere were filled with possessiveness, and the joy of feeling the strength of his desire made me smile.*

Ellis: …..Why are you smiling?

Kate: I’m just happy that you’re so attached to me Ellis……

Before we started dating, I could never imagine him who makes every one happy, becoming attached to someone.

(Now, he’s attached to me.)

Kate: You’re just so full of love that you can’t contain it.

I don’t want you to look at other people, you only need to look at me.

Although the sweet love he showers on me sometimes entangles me like thorns,

(I’m so happy when I think that this is my privilege alone to have.)

Rubbing my cheek against his large hand, I heard him take a breath.

Kate: You’re the only person I love, Ellis.

Kate: From here on, it’s only you.

Ellis: ……Doing that’s not fair.

When I looked up, his eyes had regained their usual brightness.

Ellis: I love you too. I will always love you forever.

Ellis: I want you to be happier than anyone else because you are the most important person in the world.

Kate: Hehe…you’re the most important to me too, Ellis.

He smiles at me as he wraps his hands around both of my cheeks.

Ellis: ……Kate, when I see you chatting so happily with other people, I feel murky inside.

Ellis: It wasn’t like this before, but ever since I fell in love with you, it just keeps accelerating.

His expression is as sweet and seductive as chocolate.

Ellis: I don’t like it when you’re made happy by someone other than me.

Ellis: Kate, I love seeing you happy.

Ellis: I feel like I’ve become very selfish because of you.

I close my eyes at the warmth of our pressed foreheads.

Kate: Ellis, I also don’t like it when you’re made happy by anyone other than me.

Ellis: Hehe…I’m glad you feel the same way, Kate.

As we chuckled together, twilight began to fill the room.

Our shadows stretch across the floor, and the glare causes me to squint my eyes,

Ellis: Hey.

His large body hides me from the twilight and my vision is darkened from the shadows.

Ellis: Keeping looking only at me.

Our gazes met and I noticed that I was the only thing reflected in his eyes.

Ellis: Promise me.

Kate: I promise.

Before I could nod, he stole my lips, changing his angle so many times that my breath was taken away.

Kate: E-llis.

Like he’d been waiting for me, his tongue slipped into my needy mouth, teasing me slowly as I got lost in the deeply sweet kisses.

Kate: !

When I heard people talking out in the hallway, I quickly avert my gaze and pulled away.

(Even though the door is locked, I stopped out of concern they could hear us……)

The warm remnants of our kiss lingered on my lips, and I felt a sense of regret,

Ellis: You just promised me.

Kate: Huh?

He put his fist on the wall above my head, and smiled lightly -

Ellis: I just told you to only look at me, but you looked elsewhere.

Kate: That’s -

Ellis: You’re a naughty person, Kate.

Kate: Ah.

He pressed his knee hard between my legs, and I let out a faint moan.

While I was distracted by his knee, he lifted my skirt and stroked my thigh.

His fingers reached my waist and tried to pull down my pull down my underwear, but I resisted

Kate: Wait, mmm!

The stimulation of him rubbing his knee between my legs almost caused me to lose strength, so I grabbed his shirt.

Ellis: I told you to only look at me, but I’ll correct that.

When I looked up, his twilight eyes were feverish.

Ellis: Don’t look anywhere, except at me.

Expectation raced through my body as I realized what was about to happen.

Ellis: I’ll make you so happy that you’ll never be interested in other men.

(Until twilight fades)

Ellis: I’ll love you so much you’ll go crazy.

— I can’t leave this room.

*愛 (Ai) - pertains to love, affection or care. It also can indicate attachment, craving or desire. Since Ellis’ trying to keep a lid on his desires play a huge role in his route, so I opted for “desire” in this line.

[Master List]

#ikevil translations #ellis twilight #ikevil ellis #ellis twilight translations

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arcadekitten · 7 months ago

Text

Talking about mareggie, my boundaries, and similar things!

Since this seems to be a persistant and at times prevalent issue within my ask box, it seems like a good idea to make a post addressing the questions and concerns brought up to me regarding these. I hope this will help clear up any confusion and also allow me to refer back to it whenever these questions/concerns reappear. Eventually this will be added to my FAQ when I am able to, but for now this post will have to suffice in the meantime!

---

“I don’t like mareggie or any dynamic involving stalking / obsession and it makes me uncomfortable!” A) Completely alright of you to be uncomfortable, I understand. I try to be inclusive of peoples traumas and put in general warnings in my games of these aforementioned themes. However I do ask you understand that as an autistic individual my special interest lies in the complicated dynamics of my ocs--particularly mareggie being my main special interest of nearly a decade--so my games are going to continue to have these themes regardless if you’re comfortable by them or not. If you know these themes will hurt you, please disengage, block, and curate your online experience. While I’m grateful for everyone’s continued support, I make games that I personally want to put into the world. Please be mindful of this and use your best judgement when interacting with not just my work, but every media you find.

“If you’re alright with stalking and obsessive dynamics then why aren’t you okay with fans of your games making fan content with other dark themes such as incest and pedophilia?” A) My general rule is if I don’t cover a particular dark theme in my own game I wouldn’t want to see anyone in the wild using those themes with my own creations. Exploring one’s trauma of these particular themes in fiction is completely fine on one’s own terms, but I have nothing substantial to add about making fiction of these topics myself. It’s way beyond the mature ratings my games already have and quite frankly I’m just grossed out by depictions of incest and grooming/pedophilia. When I’m ignorant of the nuances of these subjects and grossed out by it, I try to discourage it from it being themes my fans use in fan work, because I also want to avoid re-traumatizing victims of these crimes--some of whom are my friends. I can’t stop anybody from using my creations for these means; everyone’s a person with free will. But I’m allowed to feel hurt and violated if people use this free will to go against my wishes because they just felt entitled to, and feel like defying me is 'sticking it to the man' or whatever. I will not ever change my mind on this, so be aware me directing you to this is your one and final warning. Further pestering will result in blocking.

Lastly,

“Well everyone online is going to be scumbags anyway at some point, so why don’t you just accept that people will do this with your ocs?”

#thank you!#what do i tag this with for now #mareggie #future reference #faq #rant #ramble #?

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myfandomrealitea · 9 months ago

Note

I very vividly remember in 2020, being told by this one person who began controlling our fandom rp server, that we had to turn our rp blogs into places where we had to reblog every horrific thing happening during blm. and that he "better not catch us trying to rp". he also was against tagging it because then "white people would ignore it". i remember forcing myself to watch videos of police brutalizing black men and women, real people dying in the streets, and trying to convince myself that if I looked away, I was part of the problem. He'd also convinced me that I lucked out in getting my job, only because I was white, and that I was taking this job from a much more qualified black person. the only reason i got away from him is because I started feeling like i should kill myself, because one less whitey. and that was when i snapped to attention and did whatever i could to get out of there, even though it cost me my reputation being slandered by him.

it's been 4 years, and I'm doing my best to heal, but apparently he's still at it. pulling this same kind of controlling bs that I'm seeing echoed in some of those reblogs.

don't traumatize yourself for the sake of proving you're a good person.

Please feel free to name and shame. That kind of behavior is abusive, predatory and could very well drive someone to kill themselves as you almost did. Him continuing to have a platform and unchallenged reach is outright dangerous.

If you are ever in a situation like this, please, clock the early signs and leave. Your health and wellbeing are far more important than your forced activism. If someone is ever:

Making you feel guilty over something like not reblogging a post, being a certain ethnicity/gender/race/sexuality.

Accusing you of contributing to or being the core problem in a much, much broader issue.

Trying to manipulate you and others by "tattling" on you for not doing something or not doing enough.

Threatening you in order to pressure you into doing things.

Screenshot all of the conversations, block them, and leave.

Things like this are why I will always give call out posts which do not contain blatant and corroborating evidence the benefit of the doubt. Its all too easy for people to join in almost automatically on dogpiles against people being accused of something like being racist or being passive/dismissive about world events.

(E.g; in the 911 fandom literal Latino artists and authors were being harassed over being "racist" re; their depictions of Eddie Diaz only for the people dogpiling them to scramble to retract and apologise once they realized the person wasn't actually an Evil Terrible White Person.)

I'm so proud of you for having the courage to get yourself away from your abuser.

#myfandomrealitea #sephiroth speaks #fandom #proship #reality #proshipping #world issues #justice #social justice #tw: abuse #tw: emotional abuse #911 #eddie diaz mention #tw: racism mention #human rights

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swallowerofdharma · 2 months ago

Note

Hello🙂 I tried to message you but Tumblr blocked it so I hope u don't mind this ask. I read your reblog, thank u for writing it regarding Yashiro's consent.

Genuinely, I went back and re-read those chapters and can't see anywhere where Yashiro says he doesn't want to have sex with Doumeki. If anything even prior Yashiro asks to blow Doumeki and says, "let's have sex" now that Doumeki can get hard.

Am I missing something here?

Please explain it to me if I am. I am open to being corrected and would like to understand better 🙂

Hello, and thank you for being open to dialogue further. Frankly speaking, I don’t fully trust my own ability to persuade others as sometimes I struggle to explain these concepts in a language that is not my native tongue. But I have tried to.

One post (1) I made analyzed Yashiro’s emotional state, another one (2) further explained how he repeatedly tried to make Doumeki aware of his distress. And he never consented when Doumeki straightforward asked and decided to continue anyway. You can see Doumeki himself doubting his own decision during and after. I don’t know what more could I say, except taking panel after panel and analyzing the whole sequence. Please read the full posts I have linked and then I could try to answer specific doubts you may have. Here are some excerpts.

(1) Yashiro didn’t want to have sex with Doumeki and said so repeatedly. Doumeki has grown on him, behind liking his physical appearance or using him as a substitute for Kageyama: Yashiro truly liked this person and he liked that Doumeki was impotent. Thanks to that, Yashiro grew comfortable around Doumeki and with comfort and safety comes familiarity. When Yashiro discovered that the impotence was gone, he was angry and terrified. They had become too close and now the premise has changed and Yashiro couldn’t trust Doumeki or himself anymore. (…) And Yashiro was trapped in a situation he had tried to escape from his all life: with a person who felt familiar, a person he loved and relied on, in the safety of a home, who wanted sex and was going to do what he wanted regardless of what Yashiro had to say. (…) Doumeki broke him indeed because he broke through the lies/rules upon which Yashiro had intentionally built his entire personality/safety. And he wasn’t ready for it, he specifically said he didn’t want it, he had known all along, he already knew when men before Doumeki tried to make love to him and when he built a strategy to specifically avoid being confronted with those lies/rules. He didn’t love those men. He did love Doumeki though. But once again Yashiro didn’t have a choice. And he was physically hurt and recovering after being shot and knowing his life was in danger outside of that room. He had just discovered that Doumeki lied about being impotent the previous time he touched him in the car and before that. It was probably the worst timing possible for making love. At some point Yashiro grew resigned and even reciprocated a little, reaching for Doumeki, caressing his face, and he even reassured him before he fell asleep. There were words that Doumeki said that Yoneda didn’t disclose fully, choosing instead to immediately took us in the flashback with Yashiro.

(2) The difference between giving consent and reciprocating vs submitting in silence because there wasn’t really a choice is huge for me. And again, I am considering the mental state of both people and I know Doumeki isn’t being cruel on purpose, but you must see how Doumeki himself understands that Yashiro hasn’t really consented, because he turns him around, looking at his expression and he apologizes. (…) Doumeki expresses his wish out loud, and to this Yashiro explicitly answers, asking him in no ambiguous terms to stop. Doumeki keeps pushing, undressing and kissing Yashiro, who asks him to stop again. Doumeki asks for Yashiro’s consent again. It is significant that he pauses here again, this time there will be penetration with male genitalia: an act that is broadly and unequivocally recognized, and can’t be written off as foreplay. To Doumeki’s request for verbal consent, Yashiro responds by pushing down his face and raising his hips: not consent but submission. This is double painful because he gives up protesting or resisting his own desires, but his physical desires have never been something Yashiro knew to trust. This isn’t by any means what Yashiro wanted.

Take into consideration also that some of us have been educated and are living inside an insidious rape culture that aims to grant less power to selected individuals: women, lgtbqa+ people, including asexual people in the umbrella terms, people with supposed diagnoses of various mental illness, history will tell how legitimate that will be, people of color and disabled individuals.

“Rape was redefined as a violent crime rather than a sex crime, and its motive redefined from desire for sexual pleasure to male domination, intimidation and control. Rape also began to be reexamined through the eyes of the victims rather than the perpetrators”. [From the Wikipedia entry on rape culture with further notes and references available for verification].