#if you’ve remade a blog and happen to be following me again thank you

[macroglossus]

like eight years ago one of my friends who was a furry said i’d be a red panda which is extremely useful because now i don’t have to think when someone asks what my fursona would be if i had one. assigned red panda

[touyaz]

trade-off.

pairing bakugou katsuki x fem reader

word count 1,675

notes bkg isn’t even super dark in this, he’s just a man in love ;(

WARNINGS smut, dark/ yandere bakugou, noncon/ dubcon, stockholm syndrome, implied kidnapping, spanking, oral (f rec), fingering. no pronouns for reader.

MINORS, AGELESS & BLANK BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT. 18+ ONLY.

+

"I know it hurts, honey," Bakugou placates, voice uncharacteristically quiet and caring, soft to soothe your discomfort. His palm, clammy and hot to the touch, comes down gently this time, rubbing circles over your ass. You wince regardless, but use the moment of reprieve to take in deep breaths. Whimpers still hiccup out of you and your heart begins to race when his hand lifts from your body — you've never missed his touch more than you do right now — but instead of his palm soaring down in another spank, it trails along your back, following the curve of your spine. "But this is what happens when you don't do what I say."

"I'm— I'm sorry," you stutter. You've lost count of how many times you've sobbed that phrase in the last 30 minutes, and though it has seemingly had no effect on Bakugou, you say it again anyway. "I'm sorry, I'll listen, I promise."

He hums, drawing mindless shapes on the expanse of your back. "What number are we up to right now?"

The mention of his cruel attack on your body makes you freeze in your spot, draped over his lap like a pliable blanket, but you're quick to answer lest that bring back his anger. "Fif— Fifteen."

"Fifteen… And how many did I say you'd get?"

"Twenty-five."

"Twenty-five," he echoes, voice sounding intrigued yet distant, as though he's lost in thought. You dread the ideas floating about in his mind, wondering if he's thinking of increasing that number, or changing your punishment. "That's a big difference, sweetheart."

You don't know how to reply, so you send a prayer that he's feeling merciful despite your earlier stunt. The dishes can be cleaned and the food can be remade, but the damage this has done to your pride, to your mentality, is irreparably scarring.

The tips of his fingers tiptoe up your back as he speaks. "You're really sorry?"

You nod, answering him with a frail "yes, I'm really sorry, Katsuki" — throwing in his name because he loves hearing that from you — "I shouldn't have acted out earlier. I'm sorry for being a brat."

"Alright. We'll stop at fifteen then." You want to melt into his lap with relief, eternally grateful that he's decided to end your suffering early, but your happiness is cut short when he continues, "You'll make up the remainder in a different way."

"Huh?" escapes your mouth before you can stop it, but he only lets out a breathy chuckle instead of berating you for speaking out of turn.

"Instead of ten spanks, you'll give me ten orgasms. Sounds fair, doesn't it?"

No, it doesn't. Not in the slightest. But his question isn't really a question when the only answers are yes or yes.

"Y-Yeah," you mumble, and then, as he's expecting, you add on, "thank you, Katsuki."

"You're welcome, honey. You're so good for me, you know that?" he says, smiling down at the handprints painting your rear. He almost wants to add some more despite everything he just said, but he's never been too good at coping when you start bawling your eyes out. He's never gone back on his word, so he better get started on those ten orgasms.

He goes through the process of rubbing a soothing cream on your ass, and you almost fall asleep to the soft, rhythmic motions, but he keeps you awake by murmuring into your ear and littering kisses across your shoulder blades.

When the pampering draws to a close, he lays you down on the bed, a pillow propping up your lower half as he settles between your parted thighs. The elevation helps keep pressure off of your rear, and Bakugou easily steals your attention as he nips his way up one thigh and then down the other.

"You ready?" he asks, breaking away from where he was sucking a hickey onto your skin. "I want to hear a 'thank you, Katsuki' each time you cum, understand?"

"Yes, Katsuki."

Your nerves are alight with tension, hands clenching the sheets as he pecks his way to the apex of your thighs, and your muscles twitch in anticipation of what's to come. He starts off with long, languid licks to your folds, following the line of your slit with slow brushes of his tongue. His lips wrap around your clit and he hums, the vibrations making you buck up against his face. He chuckles, and the sound sends shivers down your spine before he goes back to moaning around the little bud. His groaning draws out your essence just as he planned, and when he sees the juices trickle out of your pussy, he releases your swollen pearl in favour of savouring your taste.

His hands join the fray, thumbs pulling apart your lower lips so his tongue can slide into your needy hole. You clench around the muscle at the breach and a smirk tugs at his lips for getting you worked up so quickly. With one hand now holding you down by the hips, and the other circling your puffy clit, his tongue fucks its way in and out of your pussy, making a show of slurping up your arousal.

The noises are obscene as they invade the room, sounding wet and filthy; Bakugou groans loudly every time a drop of your essence falls on his tongue, and you scream his name in response, sobbing for him to give you more, more, please, need more.

It isn't long before you're falling apart on his mouth, his nose brushing against your clit each time you rut against his face to ride out the high of your first orgasm. You slump into the mattress, the waves of your release slowly washing away as all your built-up tension rolls off of you. It takes longer than you'd like to admit for you to gather your bearings — especially after just one (of many) orgasms — but you soon realise that Bakugou has been patiently waiting that whole time, not saying a word.

When he raises a brow at you, you understand that he's expecting you to say something.

Moments later, it finally clicks, and you gasp out a "th-thank you, Katsuki!"

"Losing your head over one little orgasm, huh, sweetheart?" He grins, lewdly licking away the arousal that coats the lower half of his face. Spit and cum form a glassy sheen over his mouth, but he's uncaring of the mess that drips down from his face as he dives back between your legs. "Better get ready for another one, angel face."

Another one, he says, then proceeds to make you cum twice more with his tongue alone. Then he pulls you apart with his fingers — curling against your velvet walls, tapping against all your sensitive spots — before he wields both his hand and his mouth, using his tongue to flick over your sensitive button as his fingers stretch you out for something bigger.

Soon, his other hand replaces his tongue on your clit, drawing messy figure-eights over your clit as he slips his tongue into your cunt too. He drools all over your folds, pulling away only to spit on your cunt and use his fingers to fuck that into you. It's messy, downright disgusting, and you should be turning away and screaming at him to stop because it's too much, but you chase the feeling of another orgasm mounting.

Your back is arching off of the bed, wound tight like a bow, but the aches haven't settled in just yet, so you continue humping Bakugou's face so he can reach further, licking his way deeper into your cunt to bring you to new heights.

"Fuck, fuck, I'm so close, plea— Katsuki, please! Please!"

He growls against your pussy in lieu of a reply, slipping a third finger into your soaked cunt; his tongue is sliding everywhere it can to bring you pleasure, mouth drinking in all your juices, teeth nipping at your folds, but it's when his lips latch onto your clit and suck that you cry his name and lose yourself to get another orgasm. Your eyes roll back as your mouth stays open in a silent scream, panting as he continues pumping his fingers into you, twisting them this way and that to roll out your high and elicit more pretty moans.

There's an ocean of spit, cum and drool flooding the sheets and Bakugou's face. Your thighs are absolutely drenched in sweat and sex, but neither of you can bring yourself to care about the mess. Instead, Bakugou focuses his attention on the breathless "thank you, thank you, thank you" you're whimpering, like it's your favourite prayer. It's barely discernible as he overstimulates you to the point of pain, wet fingers sliding out of your pussy to rub against your clit.

"C-Can't," you grit out, thighs quaking and toes curling as he ignores you. "Stop, please, it's too much, I can't— no more—"

Your orgasm bleeds into another, or just stretches out into one extremely long, painful one, but either way, by the time Bakugou slows his ministrations, your body is spent and all you want to do is melt into the bed. You feel like you've taken a tumble down a steep hill, your entire body aching and screaming for sleep. Your legs are numb, though you can feel them twitch every so often against the bedsheets, and your head feels light and hazy, like you've just woken up and haven’t quite escaped sleep's sweet clutches.

Bakugou clearly has different ideas flitting around in his mind as he sits on his knees between your legs, bringing his fingers (that are positively doused in your cum) to his mouth to taste your release. He grins around his fingers, popping them out so you can see them shine with his saliva before they drop to undo his belt buckle.

"There's no time to rest, honey. You didn't thank me for the last orgasm, so you still owe me five more — and there's no way you're getting out of your punishment this time."

[bravehxarts]

So! Today is a very blessed day because it just so happens to be Zee’s birthday (AKA @liightningchosen​). HAPPY BIRTHDAY BB! I love you very much and I’m glad we managed to bump into each other again. Seems we both remade our blogs at a perfect time!

Since I can’t exactly fly over to give you a present, I’ve written you something as a throwback to how we started talking. I really hope you like it.

This is sort of AUish but has canon stuff also.

SNOWBARRY ( five times she loved him & once she actually said it. )

i. The karaoke night – she couldn’t help it. When they sang together, even though her voice had been terrible in comparison to his, which had been beautiful, Caitlin (perhaps in her drunken state, or perhaps for the first time noticing how dazzling his genuine smile was) had felt a connection to him somehow. It didn’t make much sense. Neither did the uncomfortable feeling she got when she returned from the bathroom to see a girl talking to Barry. She’s really pretty, Caitlin thought, holding back until she left – though she definitely saw her leave her phone number.

Then he took her home, helped her get into her pajamas, and even agreed to stay with her until she fell asleep. When Caitlin awoke the next day, along with her banging hangover, she also found herself with something else…feelings for Barry Allen. She’d been glad that her sunglasses were on when she saw him, because the feeling of happiness mixed with anxiety that rushed over her most definitely would have shown on her face. Thank god for hangovers.

ii. This one’s a little more complicated – when the metahuman that could change into anyone he wanted was roaming around committing crimes as other people, something happened. Something that Caitlin hadn’t told anyone, and yet the experience is burned into her memory.  He’d been acting a little odd, but at the time, she had dismissed it – she turned around and he was right there. Her heart had started beating a little too fast when she saw him, and she tried to move away from him. But then he kissed her. She’d had a feeling even then that it wasn’t him, but she kissed him back anyway and Caitlin couldn’t even describe the feelings inside her as it happened.

The beeping of her completed scan made them break apart. For a split second, Caitlin thought about telling him how she felt – but then her flight instincts kicked in, so she moved away, and a little while later, she found out that wasn’t even him. She'd known it, but still…sometimes when she looks into Barry’s eyes, she thinks about it. She’s doing her best not to.

iii. When she came back to the team after being kidnapped by Zoom. As soon as Caitlin’s eyes settled on Barry, the relief that came over her was unlike anything she’d ever felt before. She wanted to run to him, hug him tightly, and never let go. He seemed to sense that thought. In a blur, suddenly, Barry was right in front of her, holding her tightly, his face buried into her shoulder. She held him back, surprised by the emotion behind it as he whispered. “You’re okay…oh thank god. I’m so sorry, Caitlin.” It hurt her to think that he saw this as his fault.

“Do NOT blame yourself, Barry. This is on Jay. Do you hear me? It wasn’t your fault.” Caitlin didn’t want to pull away, but she did, so that she could look him in the eyes. “I’m okay. What we need to focus on now is stopping him.”

Barry lingered on her for a moment longer than usual, Caitlin observed, and when he let her arms go his fingers seemed to drag across her skin instead of just moving away. A shiver went down her spine, and she was certain he noticed the look in her eyes when she looked up. I love you. But she couldn’t say it, not now, especially not with the way Iris and everyone were staring at them. Not yet.

iv.  “Caitlin, I need your help with something.”

Those words were all she needed to drive straight to Jitters to meet Barry. When she got there, she noticed that he looked…actually, incredibly happy. Well, at least nothing bad had happened, right? She approached his table, smiling upon noticing that her usual was already in front of the spare seat.

“Thanks. So, what’s up?” Caitlin asked, as she sat down and looked across at him.

“Actually, I’m taking a day trip. “ Barry explained.

“But you’re the Flash. Your job doesn’t exactly let you take a day trip.” Caitlin sipped her coffee, raising an eyebrow. Where was he going with this?

“I pulled a couple strings, okay? Oliver owes me a favor. Besides, if he, Joe and Cisco can’t figure things out, I can race back over here. Look, that’s not the point. I want you to come.”

Caitlin paused, eyes widening slightly. “You…do? Why not Iris?”

“She was my second choice actually. Look, I’ve been to a lot of places with Iris. I’ve never been anywhere with you. Besides, I know you’re struggling lately. I thought it’d do us some good. So, what do you say?”

Of course she said yes. They went to a museum, then to lunch and then to a carnival. Barry was like an excited kid, and honestly, so was Caitlin. That side of her hadn’t been brought out in a long time. They went on a bunch of rollercoasters (she hated every second of it, but Barry held onto her hand the whole time and she felt safe), then went to finish the day by getting candyfloss. As they strolled through the carnival, joking and laughing, Barry stopped Caitlin in the road.

“Hold up.” He giggled, reaching forwards into her hair and pulling out a bit of candyfloss.

“Thanks.” Caitlin was smiling widely, and she couldn’t believe how nice a day she’d had – what she also couldn't believe was the way Barry was staring at her right now - like she held the entire universe in her hands. It made her confused and happy and nervous all at once. This could be her chance – after all, hadn’t today seemed like a date? No, her mind told her. No, this was two friends having fun, nothing more. Don’t ruin it.

So instead of saying those words that would release her burdens, she simply looped her free arm through his and they kept walking. She convinced herself that the frown on his face when she stepped away from him had been her imagination.

v. Barry had been injured quite badly. He’d been passed out for a few hours now, at least. Caitlin had offered to wait by his side, and everyone agreed. She played it off well, but she was very worried about him – every time he went out there, she felt as though he was closer and closer to getting killed.

What would she do if he didn’t wake up? If he died one day, and she’d never had the chance to tell him that—

“Cait.”

Caitlin gasped, her gaze snapping over to Barry like a shot. He was awake, and smiling weakly. She got up and, without thinking, leaned over to hug him.

“Hey, hey, careful!” Barry said, but he laughed, and just as she went to pull away he held her tighter. “How long was I out?”

“Three and a half hours. Barry, do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?” Caitlin pulled away to look at him, a stern expression on her features. “You could’ve died, and…”

“Caitlin, I’m fine! I promise you.”

“Barry, listen. Okay, look, I…I can’t keep watching you go out there and be in that much danger while I’m keeping this huge secret.” She began. “There’s something I need you to-“

“Barry!” Iris came running in, and hugged Barry tightly. Joe was following behind her. “Oh thank God, we were so worried about you!”

“You scared the hell out of us. You really gotta stop doing that.” Joe chided.

Caitlin stepped out, and didn’t notice Barry staring after her. He needed to spend time with his family. Or maybe, she thought, just maybe that’s a sign that this is never going to happen.

i. “Caitlin?”

She nearly jumped out of her skin as she whirled around, panic clutching at her for just a moment before realizing it was Barry.  She huffed a breath of relief – arguably, she shouldn’t be at Star Labs at 3:30 in the morning, but at least she wasn’t in danger.

“Oh my god, Barry. What are you…doing here?” she asked, looking at him with a half-smile.

“I came to think. Figured there wouldn’t be anyone around.” He replied, smiling at her. “Great minds think alike, huh?”

Caitlin grinned, lowering her gaze a little. “Of course. I haven’t really been sleeping well lately. I thought coming here and focusing on work might help me escape my thoughts a bit.” She sat down and he joined her, giving her those big puppy eyes that he did when he got concerned.

“I know the feeling.” Barry reached out to place a hand on her arm.

Caitlin jumped away like she’d been shocked – she wouldn’t meet his eye, either. Barry frowned. She’d been acting weird lately, but he’d assumed that it was because of the ongoing threat of metahumans. Now he realized that it wasn’t just that – had he done something wrong?

“Cait…” he whispered, a sad look in his eyes. “Have I upset you?”

“No!” Caitlin exclaimed. “No, no, of course not.” Please don’t think that.

“Then what’s going on with you? Every time I try to meet your eye, you look away. Every time I touch you, you act like I burned you or something, and you've been weird with me ever since we got back from the day trip. What’s up?” Barry sounded worried, and that made Caitlin feel so guilty.

But how could she tell him, her best friend, that she did all these things to avoid him figuring out how she felt about him?

“I’m not sure you really want the answer to that, Barry.” Caitlin replied softly. “Just let it go.”

“I can’t.” he said. “Caitlin, please look at me.”

When she didn’t raise her head at first, he reached out again, his fingers gently finding her jaw. She didn’t pull away as he tilted her head towards him, and their eyes met. Her breath caught in her throat.

Barry seemed distracted, his eyes flicking downwards before meeting her eyes again. “What’s going on?” he moved his hand from her face to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear.

A shiver ran down her spine, and Caitlin honestly didn’t know how much longer she could keep this up. Especially right now, because Barry’s eyes weren’t leaving hers and the look in them made her feel…a lot of things. She couldn’t keep going like this.

She stood up, turning away from him. “Okay, so…I’m going to tell you the truth, and I don’t want you to say anything until I’m done.”

“Okay.” Barry sounded disappointed, and she didn’t want to turn around and see that look on his face again, so she faced away for now.

“When we first met…I was a completely different person to who I am now. I'm kinder, more open...and a lot happier. You helped me grow into this person, Barry. You’re my best friend. But…” Caitlin took a deep breath. “I love you. I don’t mean in the friendly…kind of way, I mean I’m in love with you. I see you every day and I feel like every part of my body is trying to pull me towards you. Every time you go out and get hurt I almost fall apart because I would hate for anything to ever happen to you. Even when I leave here at night, I still can’t stop thinking about you.”

She fell silent, and so did he. Oh god.

“I was too afraid to tell you.” She turned around slowly. “But that’s the truth, so I…”

She gasped. Barry was right behind her – and it really was him this time, ducking his head to kiss her. She melted into him immediately, her fear instantly evaporating and being replaced with a feeling of pure joy instead.

When he pulled away, he didn’t pull away entirely – Barry kept his forehead resting on hers, his arms around her, and Caitlin didn’t know how to describe how happy she felt in this moment.

“I love you too, Caitlin. I can’t believe you took so long to tell me!” Barry teased, laughing as she shoved him playfully and they kissed again, making up for lost time.

[aroworlds]

Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Shell

Our next aro-spec creator is Shell, already known to the aro-spec community as @arosnowflake and the author of the awesome short story Seducing Trouble!

Shell is an autistic, ADHD, non-binary aro-ace person who writes short stories, original fiction, fanfiction and essays. You can find eir fanworks on AO3 under the username spitecentral, writing for the Voltron: Legendary Defender, Fullmetal Alchemist, DC Universe, Batman and Batgirl fandoms, and we’ll hope ey posts more pieces from eir original Coffeeshop Project!

With us Shell talks about how ey writes romance as an aro-ace, depicting relationships in fiction, the impact of amatonormativity on creativity and eir alienation from current aro-spec community conversations. Eir words bound with enthusiasm on authentic creativity and the growth of the aro-spec community, so please let’s give em all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

I never thought I was anything other than straight, although I did start noticing that I was different from other people when I was as young as twelve (for example, I remember being asked to pick the handsomest guy in a boy band, but to me, they all looked the same). However, I simply put this down to my autism, and since I was already desensitized to differences with peers, I pretty much ignored it. That is, until I repeatedly saw the word ‘asexual’ used online, and I began to wonder what it was, so I googled it. After reading the first paragraph on the Wikipedia page, I basically slammed my computer shut and did my very best to convince myself that no, I was overreacting, and also straight; after all, I was already autistic and ADHD, so any more diversity would be implausible.

Past me was so naive.

Anyway, I came to terms with being asexual at sixteen, and openly started identifying with it without adding ‘I think’ when I was seventeen. When I learned about the SAM, I initially dismissed the idea of being aro because I had a couple of crushes when I was a kid. However, after learning more about aromanticism and after some conversations with aromantic people, I decided to adopt the label since it really fit me. I mean, I was like nine when I had those crushes, and I don’t feel like they counted. I’m fairly sure now that I was just having them because it seemed like the Thing To Do, and, even then, all of my fantasies involved a more platonic ‘best friends forever but with shared pets’ lifestyle than a romantic thing. So while I may or may not have had crushes before, I don’t think I ever will again, and I don’t want to either, so I’ve adopted the aromantic label. I know it sounds weird, but oh well!

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I don’t remember exactly why or when I began to write. I know it happened when I was around twelve, but that’s kind of it? It’s not really a spectacular story. As for how I began to create the things I do now, that’s slightly more interesting. Really, everything centers around one thing: spite. No one writes autistic characters, and no one writes stories with no romantic plotlines, so I guess I’ll have to do it myself! That’s my literal thought process behind my writing at any given moment, honestly. Even when I’m not writing about autism or other marginalized identities, I write obscure and sometimes absurdist fantasy with magic types or settings that I haven’t seen used before, because I find writing that fascinating, or because I’m annoyed that no one else has used that particular idea. I’m fairly sure that was the reason I began writing originally, too: I had stories I wanted to read, and no one was writing them, so I guess I’ll have to do it.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

Well, first and foremost, I never focus on romantic relationships. Even when they appear in the story, they are not the focus. I’m so sick and tired of reading romantic plotlines, and I am not planning on ever contributing to that trend, thank you very much. So platonic relationships, worldbuilding or character development are often central to the story, instead of romance.

Second, I have this habit of interpreting tropes differently than allos because of my aromanticism. Name soulmates, for example. I know they aren’t a very popular trope in the aro community, but I love them. However, I have a different definition of them than most: I’ve always interpreted a ‘soulmate’ as someone who changes your life (for better or for worse), not your ‘other half’ or whatever nonsense we’re on today. I didn’t even realize that wasn’t a widespread thing until I heard aros complain about soulmate tropes! Stuff like that happens on a fairly regular basis, so I think my aromanticism definitely affects how I write certain settings/tropes, too.

Third, if I do write romance, I feel like I do it in a different way than allo creators. First, I suck at it. Badly. I used to try and write it in the same way that I always heard about it, bold and dramatic and mushy, and my mom (my loyal proofreader when I was a kid), always looked at me awkwardly and was like, ‘No, that’s not how it’s done.’ Since I don’t experience it, I honest to god don’t get why people insist that it’s the best or most important feeling in the world. The way characters in fiction always put their friendships or anything else on hold when that person walks by just … baffles me. I can’t write romance that way. I just can’t.

Instead, I tend to write romance in a much quieter way. If two of my characters are in an established relationship (and it’s always established because I still can’t write ‘coming together’ stories for the life of me), they are casual and comfortable with each other. In any relationship I write, platonic or romantic, I find open communication and trust to be very important. I kind of give all my relationships that same base, and then I add little flavours that I think are unique to that type of relationship. For romance, this is soft love and PDA. PDA is usually quick kisses on the cheek, holding hands, etc. The love is the type of thing where they fondly smile whenever the other does anything, really. I think that more subtle way of writing romance works decently, although I have gotten a lot of people telling me that I often also write friendships as romance, which is weird because I don’t think I do? I add a louder sort of love to friends, generally, and when they do have a quiet moment, it’s usually more serious rather than fond, and I think that’s different. But maybe I do write friendships as romance but I haven’t noticed it? Or maybe it’s amatonormativity making people read it like that?

I don’t know. I have no clue what I’m doing. Save me.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

I can only talk about what I face as a fanfic writer, as I don’t really post my original works because I lack the platform for them. (I sometimes post stuff when there are events going on over on larger blogs than lil’ old me, but that doesn’t happen consistently enough to really be talked about.)

As a fanfic writer, well. I’m sure you’ve all heard it before: no one reads gen fic. Although I tend to have a pretty high kudos-to-hits ratio, that means nothing if you get less than 100 hits. In my case especially, as I tend to write for niche audiences, usually picking unpopular characters or friendships to write for, or writing specifically about autistic experiences. Not having the added hook of romance really hurts me in my exposure. Almost always when a story becomes kind of popular (as in it has 40+ kudos), it’s because it’s been recommended by someone with a bigger platform than me, or when I write about popular characters.

(There’s other reasons my stories don’t get popular, of course, like not knowing how to self-advertise and the fact that I have the charisma of a rock, but that’s not what this section is about.)

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

Not at all, honestly? I said before I talked to some aromantic people, but that was mostly by anon asks, and the few I did actually message, well, I remade my blog so now I don’t have any contact. On top of that, the aro community (to my knowledge) doesn’t really have a central tag? Like, the autistic community has the #actuallyautistic tag, but I think the closest we have is #safeforaro, which (to my understanding) is more a reaction to discourse than anything else.

Aside from that, the aro community is really small, and mostly focused on making younger aros accept their identity. While that’s great, as someone who already has accepted their identity, it distances me a bit. And the few blogs that don’t focus on this, while absolutely lovely, are always so … sad? A large part of the aro community is depressed and bitter, worrying about losing their friends, worrying about their future. While that’s absolutely valid, I’d already moved on from that when I was younger, when I accepted the fact that because I was autistic, I would have trouble connecting and staying connected to people. It’s disheartening, sure, but I’ve accepted it and moved past it, so seeing the aro community still hung up on it saddens me. I can’t really give advice because, well, their worries are legit and they just need to come to terms with it at their own pace, and I’m bad at comforting without advice, so I’m just kind of stuck listening to it. It drains me a lot, so I distance myself.

I feel like we, as a community, can do a lot to dismantle amatonormativity, but since we still haven’t figured out what it is exactly, and we’re still grieving over the way we’re impacted by it, we’re not getting anything done. I’m bad at connecting with communities when I don’t know how to contribute to them, so I don’t really interact with it. And outside of the internet, there seems to be no aro community at all (or at least I haven’t found it), so I feel very isolated.

Wow that got real dark real fast. Sorry for being such a downer, but I did feel like it needed to be said.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

…speaking of being a downer.

It’s well known that fandom isn’t a safe space for aro/ace people. It’s a very ship-centric place, to the point where it’s almost impossible to escape romance, and I hate it. I’m here because I like expanding on stories and characters and playing with established narratives, not because I want to see two people kiss. Because my wants and needs are different from most of the fandom, I tend to be isolated and unpopular, and while that’s mostly fine with me (it creates less drama), I really wish I had people to talk to.

As for being an original writer, I’ve already mentioned that I don’t post my work because I don’t have a platform. Now, granted, it’s rather difficult to create a platform as a writer, especially if you’re not that social and don’t know how to market yourself (hi), but I feel like being aro also helps to distance me. Romance is a rather large hook to any work of fiction in the publishing industry, to the point where some publishers will demand a romance subplot in your book. I write obscure things that I myself enjoy, and as a result, my stories aren’t very marketable. I doubt that I’ll ever get published, simply because I’m, well, weird.

I totally understand the publisher’s perspective of not wanting to pick up books or stories that simply won’t sell (and experience has told me that my stories will indeed never be popular), but it still saddens me. I could probably learn to write more popular stories, but I don’t want to do that, since writing for me really is about expressing myself (though I’m not judging anyone who writes popular stuff for money; we all need to eat).

So, to summarize, I’m not marketable or interesting either as a writer or as a fandom member to either communities, which isolates me, which sucks, but it also enables me to really stop giving a shit. Sounds weird, but once I figured out that I’m not gonna get published or be popular, I really felt free to do whatever I want. Because ultimately the only person that really likes my writing is me, I’ll make myself happy first and foremost. While this sounds kind of depressing, it’s actually motivated me to keep writing, and it stops me from getting too depressed or anxious when a story I post only gets a dozen or so kudos/notes, so I think that’s a positive thing. Because ultimately, to me, the most important thing about writing isn’t the community, it’s having fun and creating something new, and as long as I can do that, I’ll be happy.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

The obvious answer is read my stories and reblog/leave kudos/comment, which is also true for every other writer, but I feel like that’s ignoring the underlying reason romance-free stuff just doesn’t get popular. The reason my stuff is unpopular isn’t because of the aro community, but because of the alloro people being more numerous and not caring.

Instead, I’m going to say that I would be helped if the aro community started focusing more on what it means to be aro, expanding on the meaning of amatonormativity, and spreading the word to allo communities. Amatonormativity is something that hurts all of us, especially fellow LGBT+ members, and I think that once more people start to realize what it is and how it’s harmful, they would try to examine their own biases and help us dismantle it. That way, gen stories will get more popular in fandom spaces, and stories without a focus on romance will have more chance of thriving in the publishing industry. It’s not a foolproof plan, and maybe I’m just too optimistic about my fellow humans, but it’s worth a shot and better than doing nothing.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

I have several current projects! My ADHD always makes me bounce dozens of ideas around in my head and start even more works, but very few of them ever get finished. However! One story I’m fairly sure I’m getting finished is an original piece about a universe in which everyone needs to buy a heart on a necklace in order to feel love. It’s an old story that I’m reworking to contain less aromisia, since I was still rather ignorant when I wrote the first draft, but I think it has a lot of potential to examine love in its entirety, and I’m super excited about it!

The only thing I don’t like about it is the incredibly melodramatic writing style I’m using; unfortunately, my writing always seems to be needlessly dramatic and I cry every time I read it because I just hate it so much. Since this is a fairly serious piece, it’s even worse than usual. I’m toying with the idea of starting a humorous and light piece to offset it, probably about an aromantic witch and her familiar who con people into buying fake love potions.

And of course, my Coffeeshop Project is always ongoing!

The Coffeeshop Project is a project I started when I badly needed to de-stress. It’s been my go-to comfort project ever since, meaning that I try not to put pressure on myself over the quality of it, and that I don’t do any research specifically for the project (although I often incorporate research that I did for other things).

The Coffeeshop Project is a series of stand-alone short stories in the same universe centred around the shenanigans of the crew of Café Nowhere, a café with a supernatural clientele. (I’m afraid I have a soft spot for supernatural shops.)

The story I wrote for the aro prompt on this blog was actually part of it! It was set a couple of years prior to the current ‘canon’, and introduces Ethan, who is now 22 and is infamous for taking down an intergalactic smuggling ring. There are more crew members, but listing them would take forever, so if anyone is interested, feel free to just ask!

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to? 

I have several ideas about forthcoming works that may or may not get written, including the above, a role reversal AU for Fullmetal Alchemist (for which I have to research a lot about blindness, and since I hate research but don’t want to compromise on an accurate betrayal of disability, that might never get finished – I’m sorry y’all, but I’m doing this for free and only have so many spoons), an in-progress work for Batman about magic that I just cannot seem to pace correctly, a fic with a respectful portrayal of an autistic Black Manta as a passive-aggressive middle finger to DC comics, an analysis of FMA and/or Harry Potter from an aromantic perspective, etc. But with my ADHD and my gazillion ideas it’s always a 50/50 chance that something actually gets finished, so I don’t like to promise anything.

[woodys]

✸♡. Where would I be without   🎶  F R I E N D S  🎶  !! .♡✸

In the last few years i’ve always come to love and look forward to the summertime. It always seems to be the time of year I have the biggest adventures, funnest moments, and get into the craziest things. For instance, I got the once in a lifetime chance to see my favorite musical, Hamilton, live. At the same time, Magikarp became one of my top favorite beloved water Pokechildren, right after that I played myself getting tripped into infinite video game hell with four losers on a road trip in my first Final Fantasy game. I watched my favorite speedy hedgehog and his friends RISE BACK to their glory in a True Blue™ revive and just when I thought all dreams couldn’t be reality TOY STORY shows up in KINGDOM HEARTS ya’ll. TOY STORY GONNA BE IN KINGDOM HEARTS YA’LL.

That said, with all of those things, I took notice how just about everything this summer’s offered me has had some unifying line of friendship tucked in it somewhere. And as I rode out Hurricane Harvey, I realized just how great friends are and—just like the many video game characters I adore and love—how good are the ones that motivate, encourage, and surround me. As many of you do or don’t know by now i’ve always gotta close my a one great summer send off post! And though this one’s a bit LATE no thanks to Hurricane Harvey craziness, I couldn’t let the tradition die! For third year in a row ( ♫ WITH THE HELP OF HYPER POTIONS YET AGAIN ♥ ♫ )  here’s another commemoration a huge summer of growth in my life and a big thanks all of you for being a friend! Whether you realize you’ve been one to me or not! ♥ 

✨ — OLD FRIENDS!  

After all of my years saying that my summer commemoration posts aren’t follow forevers, ya’ll are the ones who finally make this post an Official™ “Follow Forever”. Cause I really have followed you for two to three years now! And I probably will again if I remade another blog! And a blog after that! Ya’ll make my dash HOME and the time that I waste here on Tumblr is always worth it because I get to see you. Thanks for being so epic for all these years! 

☼  @kiliroleplays ☼ @skiwalkerrey ☼ @kataaras ☼ @disappointedwrites ☼ @lucasdelcs ☼ @fitzsimmonsofrp  ☼ @jodiewrites ☼ @nickwldes ☼  @sweetpandarps ☼ @clairetvmples ☼ @jessicuhjcnes ☼ @billsprestonesquiree  ☼ @haywilliams ☼  @crystalreedwrites ☼ @atalantaa ☼

🌱 — NEW FRIENDS! 

I picked up a handful of you before the summer, but it doesn’t mean I love you any less. You’ve added new shades of color to my life and every time I see your url or when we talk it’s always the best reminder of why the days so far this year have been that much more brighter!

✧  @lizzyxrps ✧ @karlasouzawrites✧ @blu3crystalbrax ✧ @pastelseasidedancer✧ @reputationwrites✧ @qvakewrites / @starswritten​✧ @beverlymvrsh ✧ @tulirps ✧ @ladymacbeths ✧ @robertsonwrites  ✧ @trishwvlker  ✧ @kazdarling  ✧ @yourmuseco  ✧

👋🏾 — THE ‘YOU’VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME TOO’ FRIENDS!

Our posts are so very different, but here you are anyways! Though we hardly talk or chat, when we do there’s always a sparkle in my eyes because you’re always so kind to me and are all such wonderful people who I love to follow along with on my dash. If you ever need anything, i’ve gotchu! Because yes! I every much consider each of you as distant friends. ♥

@steinfeldofrph ✿ @victnam ✿ @dannyphantomrps ✿ @bobbybrigs ✿ @ofmymuses ✿ @queenchiddy ✿ @perfectxplaces ✿

There’s plenty more super special friends i’ve acknowledged under the cut, because I didn’t want this looking too long on your dashboards. But again, to all I say, thanks for another fantastic summer and even MORE thanks for being a Friend™! ♥ 

—Another special shoutout to @pandora-box-of-mind for the two wonderful, adorable, commissions that are apart of the gifs in my graphic. I can’t wait to commission you again, Pandora! ♥ (The art in middle graphic though, belongs to me y’all!! 😩 🙌🏽 )

🌻 — THE ‘ROYAL AVENUE’ FRIENDS

Ah yes, another year, another space to tag all of you in. Royal Avenue™ sounds fancy, but actually it’s just the name of a Pokemon theme I jam to all the time ;u;  Das because I love y’all and you’re my jam.♥   I probably tell some of yall that all the time by how much we talk. But now like this everyone can see me say it.  And most of you are my partners too and I’m sorry excessive yelling over video games kept me away from replies this summer.

❀ @pixiedustrps ❀ @maliatating ❀ @xkatiewrites ❀ @partycrouchwrites ❀ @elenaqilberts ❀ @fireheartwrites  ❀ @sherihollcnd  ❀ @whatsernamerps  ❀ @horan-rps  ❀ @alaskawritcs  ❀ @wcmanizer  ❀ @mezzymuffin  ❀ @asoftsounds  ❀ @maddybunny  ❀ @fist-of-derp  ❀

👾 🎮 — THE SUPER GAMING CREW FRIENDS

For as long as i’ve associated myself with the RPC I always used to feel so self conscious about posting gaming content because of how it didn’t meet whatever weird “aesthetic and FC” standard I felt RP blogs should have. I’m probably making a big deal out of nothing, but as i’ve finally grown to confidently reflect my interests onto my own blog, you three are the ones are the first i’ve personally ever seen in this community to do so with beauty and grace and it’s inspired me everyday to feel it’s okay not to post what everyone posts and love what you love! I love seeing the games you love, and I love talking with you about them too! I’m glad they led me to you!

@xgarnetwrites​ ϟ @arcvnums​ ϟ @flowerhelps​ ϟ 

💕 — THE FAMILY I NEVER KNEW FRIENDS!

I remember the first time Chris asked me to join the group chat back in y’alls Skype days and honestly, I can’t believe I went so long in my life without all of you. On nights I felt like endlessly crying, you made me laugh until my sides ached. On days I felt like giving up, all of you were there to cheer me on—even when you had your own burden of problems. They say friends are the family you choose for yourself, and i’m so blesst™ all of you chose little ole’ me. ☺️

♡ @jeauxlyne ♡ @josukegod ♡ @sharkmama ♡ @sauceaonmyballs ♡ @shinjiswhatever ♡ @sir-introvert ♡ AND OFC ALWAYS YOU @aeoneon ♡

And now for a set of LET ME HOLLA AT YOU FRIENDS

[ Taylor Swift’s Best Friend ( @starshineswrite ) ] - I know what you’re thinking: ‘wtf mimi we’re not even that close for me to earn this space’ but THAT doesn’t mean i’m not making this space for you anyways!!! I adore you so much Kat. You’re so strong even when you have to go through the stupidest stuff. I love when we talk. I loved earlier this year when we got to heart to heart. I just wanted to remind you again just how amazing you are and how much I love you. I’m actually high key excited to experience Reputation with you. :’D

[ The Ladybug Friend ( @pcnnywises ) ] - Even though I don’t say it as much as I used to, and when you doubt that I do, I love you so much bbgirl. I’ll never forget the day you messaged me and we talked the whole day nonstop and after being mutuals I was so happy that you did. I adore you. And all your 654654654651 celeb crushes. You’re wonderful and don’t you forget it. ♥

[ The Friend from the Lyon’s™ Den ( @b-almighty ) ] - Kay it always amuses me so much that I found you through your amazing Empire liveblogs and we ended up having RIDICULOUSLY so much more  in common. I know we hardly talk, but I really appreciate you and I love watching you blog about everything else you love. 

[The ‘dang I wish I could be you, Friend ( @plumwrites ) ] - For years now your posts have made me laugh and your no nonsense attitude has been a delight in my life. I love reading the posts, your tags, and responses you make to things and just thinking ‘dang I wish I could be like bridge about things’. I just love how real you are and I wish I can get some guts to be like that one day. I know you’ve been going through some things recently, but you’re always on my mind. ♥ If you need anything just shout!

[ Lady’s Best Friend ( @amcthystwrites) ] - I’m really sorry this summer wasn’t one of our best ones. That’s mostly on my part, but already I see things shaping back together as they were before and I never doubted that it’d happen that way.

[ Dearly Beloved™ ( @naaatalie ) ] - [ DOING THE 400 CHARACTERS OR LESS CHALLENGE ] I try my best not to get sappy on you often, but I do want you to know how happy you make me and that I can’t express how grateful I am for you. ♥ I’m genuinely so honored and fortunate that after these years you made the choice to Keep™ me and now we’ve got TWO giant, amazing, universes filled with the hugest variety characters that i’m far beyond excited to see grow with you. You’re the Umbra to my Pryna, my penpal, my bestie, The Ruthless Angst Master™. I’ve got so much to thank you for. ♥

TILL NEXT SUMMER YALL!!! ♥

[limberdoodle]

A short blog about Guilt

A Short blog about Guilt. Part 1: The shady Familiar

Guilt. It’s supposed to something I know a lot about As A Woman, and now, especially, As A Mum. I certainly hear a lot about it – how it’s what I most likely feel about my parenting or baby-feeding choices, about how much I work or eat. I do wonder if it’s what I should feel about where I live (especially as one of my children has asthma,) or about how much I sleep ( - as very much as I possibly can thank you very much.)

But it seems to me one of those things – like Gender maybe – that we think we know all about, because we’re involved in it, day in, day out. We, you know, subscribe. But it’s actually a complete mystery. A silent balaclava-clad stranger, always holding (gloved) hands with me on the bus. Never do I ask “So how old are you?”, “Do you have a partner?” or “So what is that accent?”. We just get on with getting stuff done, and I get by with the basics like knowing how she likes her tea ( - through a straw through a balaclava.)

My first encounter with the concept of Guilt was pre-puberty. I asked my mum what it was like to be a grown-up, or perhaps it was a parent, I can’t remember which, but I do remember the reply: “Well, I think it seems to be mainly about feeling guilty all the time.” I left it at that and went back to playing ‘putting away the laundry’, a game I genuinely enjoyed (it replicates the postal service and is full of characterful residents) and one I hope to introduce my own children to in the near future.

My mum was perceptive and ahead of her time. These days her answer is widely accepted as correct. It is the way things have to be if we insist on trying to Have It All. Or if we give up on having it all and find a compromise we can live with, that won’t be the exact same compromise as our peers and will therefore attract envy/judgement/pity, by turns/simultaneously/from others/from ourselves.

The reaction to these initial negative responses may well be Guilt. It seems to me to be the most acceptable reaction. Other reactions may follow: defensiveness, anger. But guilt is supposed to come first. This usually means the anger expressed is about the guilt. As in, “How dare you judge/pity/envy me for my parenting choices?! Don’t you realise how guilty I feel about them already?! Screw you and your guilt-mongering!”

What’s interesting about this is that the whole argument becomes about the guilt. For a shady balaclava’d side-kick, it gets an awful lot of the limelight. We never find out much about the original crime or deficiency; guilt creates a distraction, performing a rather lurid striptease (leaving the balaclava on) and further debate is shut down. And why did this person feel guilty already? Does this mean she agrees with some of what the guilt-mongering fiend threw at her? We’ll never find out. Everyone’s too busy wondering when Guilt is going to put her kit back on for goodness sake.

Here’s a suggestion: next time you feel guilty, ask yourself if there’s another reaction you could have instead. I’m not saying it has to be anger, but anger is often a superbly qualified alternative candidate. Grief is also often overlooked for roles rightly hers.

Then, try explaining to the person who ‘made’ you feel guilty – even if that person is you – why anger, or grief, or whatever, is a more appropriate reaction. Perhaps you weren’t offered the support to do what you wanted as a parent, perhaps you didn’t have the right resources or information at the time. Maybe the same voices that could have offered you this help were too busy telling you that you didn’t need it.

Perhaps the current trigger for your guilt knows that you got a different roll of the dice to them, and that this was unfair. Perhaps you’re not on different sides after all.

I don’t want to make anyone feel guilty about feeling guilty. This is surely a layer too far. But sometimes it feels like so much oxygen is used up being angry about how guilty we’re made to feel, that there’s none left for more legitimate targets. I’ve not quite got under that balaclava yet, but increasingly I’m starting to wonder if that shadowy Guilt figure is a double agent. Hanging out with us females, the reliable bitchy frenemy, even when she’s pitting people against each other; could she also be in the employ of a system that controls us? Making sure that, while she maintains her feminine mystique and keeps us busy defending our imperfections – being angry only that they’ve been pointed out – no one will question whether those very things that make us feel guilty are due to our flaws at all. Could they, in fact, be flaws in the system?

Don’t expect Guilt to tell you: not unless you can peel that balaclava off and shine a light in those traitorous eyes.

A Short blog about Guilt. Part Two: Guilt-ing with L-plates

So, if we think of Guilt as a practised activity, something we engage in every day (again, like Gender,) or something like driving, perhaps, that we no longer notice in its tiny, stage-by-stage operations, but instead coast through on auto-pilot, then being a parent gives us an ideal opportunity to revisit it with new eyes.

Infants don’t Guilt yet. They haven’t even thought about applying for their provisional Guilt licence. In a preparatory phase, as important as adjusting wing mirrors and the driving seat, they only know how to recognise suffering. They have a harm alarm that doesn’t even tell them who is in distress, just that distress is there. (If you’ve ever noticed yourself and your newborn getting stressed out, and suspected the former preceded the latter, you’ll know all about this.) We would do well to slow down and notice this, the first stage of Guilt. Someone has been hurt – it may be another, it may also be me, but the hurt requires attention. And attending to the suffering caused is a necessary stage before going into full-throttle Guilt. Just as adjusting wing mirrors and seats is not recommended while driving, it can be hard to really check who’s hurt in all this if you’re already speeding down Guilt highway.

After the harm alarm, comes a stage where Guilt has not been mastered but the infant would like someone else to get behind the wheel and Guilt them from A to B, while they observe the gears and steering.

My friend’s child is at this stage. “Mummy, I’ve done something,” she announced ominously after several minutes of being suspiciously quiet next door. I won’t recount the entire story but suffice to say it involved having to extinguish a burning object. No one was hurt, thankfully, and, belonging to a mother-who-makes, the object is to be mended and remade as a relic of their experience.

Children of this age do not Guilt yet, but they’d like others to show them how to. (They may even be backseat Guilt-ers, telling you exactly what they deserve and how it should be administered.) Certainly, they begin to report the activities that they suspect will attract disapproval, to see what happens. With the curiosity of a scientist, they notice the consistency with which punishments are meted out. Even as they suffer the misery of parental anger, hurt or coldness, they seem to be noting the severity, texture and duration of the pain this specific bad behaviour has brought upon them. These meticulous experiments are really important in shaping our future Guilt as adults. Consider how often we do something ‘bad’ in order to avoid or mitigate another ‘bad’ action. The subtlety and fluency with which we later Guilt requires this early research into the exact temperatures of hot water our various transgressions may land us in.

Revisiting this stage can also be helpful. Going back to the values we learnt from our carers and seeing whether the things they considered worst are still the same things we want to castigate ourselves most harshly for, or whether other harms take precedence for our adult selves. But also, revisiting the stage of reporting our bad behaviour to see what happens. Watch your Guilt in slo-mo, and see that you are telling tales of a suspected wrong-doing, albeit your own, hoping to understand what must be done about it. But first, needing attention. Before jumping to self-flagellation, it might be worth checking that nothing’s on fire, checking that there aren’t other responses more urgent or appropriate than guilt.

Eventually, children learn to Guilt as well as we do. Although often they won’t Guilt when we’d like them to, and will when it breaks our hearts to witness it. As parents we try to keep the dialogue open, to see them through until their Guilt style becomes their own: second nature, habitual.

But I believe that being around those who are inept at Guilt, or are chaotic Guilt-ers who shouldn’t be out on the roads, provides a great opportunity to check our own habits and begin a better understanding of something we learnt to do before we’d even heard of it, something that we sensed perhaps might protect us, or bring us closer to those we loved, certainly make us more able to understand and co-exist with them; and in doing so, check that our current practice of Guilt still serves this purpose.

Take your driving test once every ten years? Sounds good to me, but as a non-driver perhaps I shouldn’t have an opinion (nor write an argument entirely based on an analogy with driving.) Either way, I’ll be trying to Guilt a little less lazily, a little more consciously, at least while I have children around to help me do it.