#if you’re not going to use the fact you brought Tommy back to be his bi awakening when you could’ve done that with literally any male

[stagefoureddiediaz]

So do we think maybe Buck golfing with Gerrard is something along the lines of Tommy giving advice to Buck to get to know him and play nice to make his life easier (or some such - because Tommy never actually had any hated directed at him from Gerrard so never actually experienced first hand what he was like in the same way Chim and Hen did).

Which Buck will do and find out a few things about his situationships (it’s technically unlabelled as a relationship so I’m not calling them boyfriends!) past behaviours and dots will start connecting all those red flags that Tommy is waving?!!

[fangirl-dot-com]

Incorrect Quotes

all of these were from Pinterest - cause I'm not this funny (I also couldn't wait for the next chapter to come out so here :D)

Like always comments, questions, concerns, reblogs, and likes are appreciated <3

TAG LIST IS OPEN! - 26 spots still open! (please send me a direct message to be added!)

Y/n: I’m cool Oscar  Y/n: I’m THEE coolest  Y/n: In fact, I was once arrested for being too cool *puts on sunglasses*  Oscar: The charges were dropped because there was no supporting evidence. Also, your glasses are upside down. 

Y/n: I have a very specific type  Max: Oh yeah? Like what?  Y/n: Y’know…polite, handsome, athletic…that sort of thing  Arthur (on his fourth energy drink of the day) tripping over camera wires and holding his mic upside down: you little shit eating, damned pathetic piece of shit – now you listen here  Y/n: *heart eyes* that one. I want that one.  Max: *flabbergasted* 

Lando: bet you’re standing in the corner because you’re scared that you’ll get turned down if you talk to anyone  Y/n: please, I could fluster near everyone at this party if I chose to  Oscar: oh yeah? Prove it. Go for someone borderline impossible and I’ll believe you Y/n, approaching Arthur: hey dumbass, hoodie looks kind of cute on you, wanna get out of here?  Arthur: WH- I MEAN- UHHHH YEAH SURE  Y/n: perfect  Oscar and Lando: 

Y/n: I brought a red bull  Max: I don’t want a red bull Y/n: I didn’t bring this for you. This is my red bull. Max: then why are you telling me?  Y/n: It’s a conversation starter.  Max: That’s a lousy conversation starter  Y/n: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate *sips red bull* 

Y/n: *gently taps table*  Logan: *taps back*  Alex: what are they doing?  George: morse code Y/n: *aggressively taps table*  Logan: *slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK- 

Lewis: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated  Y/n: Killed without hesitation  Lewis: nO!

Y/n: Is stabbing someone immoral?  Mitch: Not if they consent to it.  Max: Depends on who you’re stabbing.  Christian: YES?! 

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.  Y/n: Shit  Logan: Wait, three?  Cop: yeah? Lando: OH MY GOSH OSCAR FELL OFF!! 

Max: Time for plan G.  Liam: Don’t you mean plan B?  Daniel: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.  Y/n: What about plan D?  Daniel: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.  Max: What about plan E?  Liam: I’m hoping not to use it. I die in plan E  Yuki: I like plan E. 

Christian: Did none of you think this was a bad idea?  *Y/n, Max, Charles, and Arthur covered in navy and red paint*  Y/n: Oh no, we all did. We just decided to do it anyway. 

George: (in sunglasses and newest Tommy Hilfiger jumpsuit) *in the most posh accent* I’m too good for revenge  Logan: (covered in bug spray, cowboy hat and overalls on, pumped full of Bang energy drink and high on freedom) *cocks shotgun* Well, I’m not. Give me the name. 

Arthur: So what’s your type?  Y/n: Kinda long blond hair, green eyes, dumb, dimples, funny, really thin waist  Arthur: Huh, that kind of sounds like me! Too bad its not me! Y/n: did I mention dumb?  Arthur: yeah, why?  Y/n: just making sure 

*Over Text* 

Y/n: Hey pretty boy, what’re you up to? :) Arthur: Eating cereal in bed  Y/n: And what would you be doing if I was in bed with you?  Arthur:…I would still be eating my cereal? 

Waitress: And what would you like to eat?  Y/n: I wish to devour the unborn  Fernando: Eggs, she would like eggs 

Y/n: Do you think that when sheep go to sleep they count themselves?  Lando: Or do they count humans?  Y/n: Ooo, that’s a good question  Oscar: GO TO SLEEP 

Y/n to Max: because I am a mature adult  *turns to see Mitch, Christian, and Vito shake their heads*  *turns back to Max*  Y/n: I am an adult 

*Dinner with Max, Y/n, Charles, and Arthur* 

Y/n: The food is too cute, I can’t eat it!  Max:  Charles:  Arthur: You’re cute, but I’d still eat y- Max: ONE DINNER  Charles: *sighs* here we go again  Max: ONE NORMAL DINNER IS ALL I ASK  Y/n: Charles, this pasta is also crunchy, I truly can’t eat this 

Ollie: Good night everyone  Arthur: Good night  Lando: Good night  Oscar: Good night  Y/n: good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. Tonight, imma fight until we see the sunlight. Tik tok on the clock, but the party don’t stop  Oscar: I’M DONE

George (t-posing in the doorway): Greetings, parental figures and sister figure  *Y/n, Lewis, and Toto walking past*  Toto (not looking up from his coffee): Good morning, problem child 

Christian: You see, Fernando, Y/n is at the age where she only has one thing on her mind  Fernando (noticeably excited): Oh! Oh! Oh! Boys?  Max (looking over at the dead tired rookie with revenge in her eyes as she looks at Esteban): No. Murder. 

Y/n: Hey Liam, want some of this food?  Liam: Sure, thanks!  Yuki (storming in with the anger of the gods): WHO TF ATE MY LEFTOVERS THAT CLEARLY HAD MY NAME ON IT  Y/n: WE did  Liam: You surprisingly smart little mf

Y/n: Never have I ever…Been grounded by my parents!  Arthur (exasperated): Every time. She makes disownment jokes every time and she always wins  Max: Good one Kid. I always go for the ‘never had a dad who supported me.’ Charles: *stands up and walks away* 

Y/n: I’ve only said I love you to four people. Christian, Vito, Arthur, and Max when I thought he died after he wouldn’t respond after a DNF. I only regret one of those  Lando: Which one?  Y/n: Max. He was just pressing the wrong button and walked out a few minutes later. He made me look like an idiot.  Max: I let you win next race   Y/n: still

(Y/n, Logan, Lando, and George trying to sneak into RB for more energy drinks after being banned from drinking more) 

Logan: So what do you think Y/n will do as a distraction? Lando: She’ll probably, like, make a noise  George: Or throw a rock. That’s what I would do  *The door flings open and smoke follows. Screams of mechanics fill the air as they try to extinguish a small fire*  Logan:…Or she could do that. 

Y/n: When I die, donate my entire body to science  Y/n: Except my middle finger, give that to Esteban 

(max and y/n in a horror movie) 

Max: QUICK YOU’RE LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD. WHAT’S YOUR TYPE?  Y/n (bleeding out): tall, male, brown hair, dimples, caring, supportive, Monegasque Max: BLOOD TYPE DUMBASS  Y/n: oh  Y/n: (looks down at wound)  Y/n: red 

Lando: I wish we could block people in real life.  Oscar: Restraining order  Y/n: Murder 

Christian: Y/n, we need to talk about your professionalism for media days  Y/n (and a lot of media personelle she rounded up, all standing on chairs): those are some mighty brave words for someone standing in lava 

Y/n (to Max while hiding behind some tires – regretting everything): and then I called him dad  Christian (to Geri – trying not to cry while cameras are everywhere): and then she called me dad 

Max: Christian, look what Y/n got me for father’s day *holds up generic #1 dad mug*  Christian (glaring silently while sipping from his own #1 dad mug)  Max: that lying rookie Vito (holding a worn down #1 dad mug): you guys are late to the party suckers 

Criminals: We have your daughter and son  Toto: I don’t have a daughter and Jack is right here Criminals: then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwiches?  Christian: dear God, you have Y/n and George

 

Mitch: So Christian, you and Geri want to be a parents again someday?  Christian: Someday? We’re parents right now.  Mitch: Y/n is your employee Geri: She is our BLOOD 

Christian: Max is late again  Kelly: I woke him up at 8 and pretended it was 11 Y/n: I wrote a fake schedule saying we were starting at 9 instead of 12 Lando: I changed his clock from AM to PM  Christian: I think you may have overdone it  Max (bursting into the garage): WHAT YEAR IS IT? 

Y/n: If I blended Red Bull, five hour energy, monster, coffee, and hot Cheetos into an energy smoothie...would it kill me? Logan: *shrugs* only if you die Y/n (getting out the blender): you're so smart Logan Max (running into the room): y/N STOP!

Lance: I got Netflix like you asked! Y/n: OH that's amazing! I've been mooching off Max's and Arthur's accounts for a while. This will be nice! Lance: Wait, what do you mean accounts? Y/n: Their Netflix accounts? Lance: Y/n: Like their profiles? I wanted one of my own, they're like $12 Lance: Lance:....Oh....You meant the account on the service... Y/n: Yeah, what did you think I meant? Wait...What did you buy? Lance: Lance:....Netflix...

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @glitterquadricorn @laura-naruto-fan1998 @treehouse-mouse @sam-is-lost @kagatinkita @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @myxticmoon @angsthology @cmleitora @agent-curt-mega @graciewrote @ashy-kit @slutofmultifandom @aexitizen @sugarvibez @vellicora @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @cashtons-wife @hoetel-manager @xcharlottemikaelsonx @jayda12

[runnning-outof-time]

For your celebration 🎉 can I please get …

“Look at me right now.” — with Tommy

Xx

Thanks for sending this in, Liv! I’m sorry it took me so long to write! I just had to go with Modern Tommy here for the Modern Tommy Queen….it’s nowhere near as amazing as when you write him, but I tried my best. I hope you like it! Enjoy! :)

I’D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! - YOUR COMMENTS & REBLOGS HELP ME WRITE!

Part of my 3.5k Celebration — find more stories here!

Any Ideas?

Modern!Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: smoking, language, sexual situation (nothing too nsfw), possessive behavior

Word Count: 1256

Summary: Tommy’s had enough of other men looking at his girl. He decides he’s going to do something about it.

“What is your problem?” (Y/N) asked as she walked out of the ensuite bathroom with a towel wrapped around her frame. Tommy was in the same place as she left him: sitting at her vanity smoking a cigarette. She could just tell that something was eating at him…but she knew that she had to be the one to bring it up; to coax it out of him.

“Hmm?” he merely hummed a response, his eyes catching hers through the mirror as he took another drag from his cigarette.

(Y/N) huffed in response to his half-assed answer. “Don’t ‘hmm’ me. I know something’s on your mind. Spill it,” she insisted, her eyebrows raised as she placed one hand on her hip. Tommy just chuckled at her stance. “You’ve been acting like this the entire night. What is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he nonchalantly answered, turning his one palm to the sky as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Oh but you do,” she countered, waiting for a moment to see if he’d add anything to his previous statement. He simply kept smoking. She let out a huff and made her way over to the walk in closet. “It was that guy at the event, wasn’t it? The one that kept looking over at us…at me. You didn’t like the fact that he was staring, and so you’ve decided to brood over it, right?” she went on as she was opening drawers, searching for something to wear to bed. Something he’ll be unable to resist, she thought to herself with a smirk. A quick glance out into the bedroom confirmed that he was still sitting at the vanity. Prick, she thought as she continued, “yeah, that’s exactly what it is. No one’s allowed to look at Tommy Shelby’s woman. No one except Tommy Shelby himself,” her voice dropped as she finished her statement, doing her best imitation of him.

Tommy had heard enough. He took one last drag from his cigarette before stamping it out in the ashtray he’d brought with him to the vanity. With a huff, he stood and made his way into the closet. (Y/N) had her back turned to him as she continued to look through her drawers.

“You’ve got it all figured out, eh?” he started, the tone of his voice immediately telling (Y/N) that she was correct in her guesses. “Think you know everything goin’ on in my mind?”

(Y/N) stopped what she was doing, standing up straight for a moment. She didn’t dare turn to face him though, not yet. Instead, she opened her top drawer and continued looking…even though said drawer housed her jeans and leggings.

“I’m talking to you,” Tommy was getting impatient now. It made (Y/N) grin.

“I’m looking for something to wear to bed,” she answered him, continuing her ‘search’.

“Oi,” he started, reaching out and taking hold of her arm, “look at me right now,” he practically demanded, spinning her to face him so that she’d have no choice. The sudden spin made her gasp, but she kept her countenance as her eyes locked onto his. She raised her eyebrows at him, so as if to say ‘what?’. He looked her over before continuing, “I’m not supposed to get upset when another man keeps eyeing me girl? Eh? I’m supposed to just let him stand there and do it?”

(Y/N) bit on her bottom lip, partly because of the tension that had risen between them and partly because she was right about his brooding. She reached out to take hold of the dress shirt that he was wearing, working on undoing its buttons. “So that was what was bothering you,” she commented, her eyes focused on his chest.

“It was,” Tommy husked.

“I’m surprised you didn’t do anything about it,” she continued.

“Wanted to punch his fuckin’ teeth in,” he admitted.

“I’m happy you didn’t,” she told him, finally looking up at him through her eyelashes, a hint of a smile present.

Tommy hummed in response, his tongue sweeping across his bottom lip before he spoke, “but maybe I oughta do something…something that shows people you’re mine.”

(Y/N) watched as his eyes hastily darkened, and her skin felt like it was on fire as his hands came in contact with her thighs.

“The ring isn’t enough?” she questioned, placing her hands flat against his chest for a moment. Her eyes went to her left hand, where the sizable engagement ring Tommy’d given her normally sat. She’d taken it off to shower, but sometimes she swore she was still able to feel its weight on her finger.

“No,” he responded, shaking his head. The breath got caught in her throat as he then began slowly dragging his fingertips upwards, pressing them into her skin as they slipped underneath her towel to rest against her ass. “It’s clearly not.”

“Well do you have something in mind?” she - surprisingly - found her voice and asked, her lips rising into a coy smirk as her fingers continued working on his buttons.

A smirk grew on Tommy’s face as he heard her question, and he held her gaze just long enough for her to see it before he dropped his face into the crook of her neck. The breath hitched in (Y/N)’s throat for a second time as he kissed a line up to her ear. “I was hoping you could think of something,” he mumbled against it before moving back down and continuing his ministrations. He kissed her sensitive skin a few times before nipping at it, the sudden change of feeling making her gasp. “Any ideas?” he asked her then, the smirk he was wearing evident against her skin.

(Y/N) couldn’t think straight anymore. She tipped her head back and let out a shaky breath as Tommy’s kisses trailed lower on her chest, meeting the skin just above where her towel was resting. His hands were roaming now, gliding over her ass and thighs, gripping at the skin with his fingers. Between his mouth and hands, she was sure there were marks by now. She managed to undo his final button amidst everything and let his shirt hang slack before she brought her fingers up to curl into the longer strands of hair atop his head.

“I have a few,” she finally found her voice and was able to answer his question, though her short statement came out as a quick breath.

Tommy hummed against her skin before his lips finally reached the spot that he knew drove her crazy. He made sure to kiss it lightly before pulling back. “Care to share them?” he asked, a wicked grin present.

(Y/N)’s eyes shot open the second his lips left her skin. Her eyes locked onto his as she sent him a deadpanned expression. He wasn’t about to build all of that up for nothing, was he? “I think you already know what they are,” she managed to get out just before his lips crashed against hers.

She wasted no time in anything else, hooking her legs around his waist the second he pressed his fingers into her skin and began to lift her up.

He spun, walking them out of the closet and over to the bed, where he dropped her down and made sure that there wouldn’t be a repeat of what happened earlier that evening. He needed the rest of the world to know that she was his.

*tags in reblog so that hopefully they get sent out

**Got a little carried away for the last Tommy blurb of the celebration…oops

MASTERLIST

[hardly-an-escape]

sola fide | Buck/Tommy | 1170 words | rated T

tags: Evan Buckley character study, sick fic, mentions of religion, dirty jokes, established relationship, lgbtq identity

“Hey, uh, Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you kind of a dumb question?”

“Of course.”

They’re posted up on Tommy’s couch, both with a weekend off at the same time for once. They’d planned to get out of the city, go for a long hike, maybe hit a winery somewhere. But Tommy’s been nursing a cold, so they’re taking it easy instead, and Buck likes that just as much as their adventures. So he’d made chicken noodle soup from scratch and brought over ginger ale and some of the violently red popsicles Tommy kept secretly stashed in the back of the freezer.

Buck’s quiet for another moment, gathering his thoughts.

“When did you know? That you were gay?” he says eventually.

Tommy looks up from the monster truck magazine he’s been leafing through.

“I don’t know that I can point to one particular moment,” he says, thoughtful. “On some level it was something I always knew about myself, even if I didn’t have the language to describe it yet. I guess… hitting puberty was kind of an awakening. Hearing other guys talk about girls we knew, or women in magazines, and realizing I just didn’t connect with what they were saying, like, at all. I guess there’s the fact that the first wet dream I had was about Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise.” He snorts. “That was a pretty big clue.”

Buck smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He realizes he’s twisting his fingers together in his lap and untangles them, rubs self-consciously at the tops of his thighs.

Tommy tosses his magazine onto the coffee table and takes one of Buck’s hands in his own, rubbing gently at the muscle between his thumb and forefinger. “What makes you ask?” he says gently.

“I dunno. I just.” Buck sighs. “I guess I’ve been feeling weird about it lately. Not – not this,” he adds hastily, “not us, not even a little. This is seriously one of the best things that has ever happened to me – you are one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, Tommy, I mean that.”

Tommy gives him a sweet little smile, one of the ones that’s just for him, and squeezes his hand.

“I just mean… this feels like such a big thing t-to not know about myself. You know, how did I make it into my thirties before it ever occurred to me, oh, you like guys, you might fall in love with a guy.” His voice rises in pitch a little as he picks up speed. “It makes me feel stupid, and – and out of touch with my own self. Like, what else is really obvious about myself that I haven’t realized yet, you know? Am I actually left handed? Am I secretly an Olympic gymnast? Am I some kind of Russian sleeper agent?”

Tommy squeezes his hand again. “I don't think it's that absurd to come to an important realization about yourself in your thirties, sweetheart,” he says. “I think that's a pretty normal thing, actually.”

Buck deflates a little. “Yeah. I know. I just... I've told you about my brother. That whole situation. Not knowing why I was born, never knowing that he even existed. I think all of this –” he gestures between them “– in a way it kind of reminds me of that? Like, here you go, Buck, here’s another big hole in your life that you didn’t know was there until someone tried to fill it.”

He catches Tommy’s smirk out of the corner of his eye and untangles their hands so he can give him a shove. “I know what joke you’re about to make, dumbass. Don’t even go there.”

“Okay, I’ll ask about filling your hole later,” says Tommy, deadpan, and Buck shoves him again, and for a minute their serious conversation devolves into the kind of ridiculous, juvenile wrestling match that Buck secretly loves, that he knows Tommy knows he loves. That reminds him they’re both strong and okay and in tune with one another.

They settle, eventually, with Tommy lying back against the arm of the couch, and Buck cradled against him, grateful that Tommy’s couch is wide and deep enough for them to press together, side by side.

Buck sighs again. Can’t help it.

“I knew a guy in the army. Jake,” says Tommy out of nowhere. “Very nice guy, not one of the assholes who joined up because he thought the uniform would make his dick bigger, you know? When we were in Afghanistan, he made friends with one of our interpreters, guy named Irshad. Mostly we didn’t get close with the locals, but those two – they really hit it off. Stayed in touch after we got shipped home and everything.” He shifts Buck slightly and absently kisses his temple. “When I saw Jake again, maybe a year after we were discharged, he’d converted to Islam. He said his friendship with Irshad had opened his eyes to something. To this faith. He said he felt like that something had always been there – like on some level, he’d always had that faith – it had just taken a while for it to be revealed to him.”

“Huh,” Buck says. He thinks about this idea for a while, petting randomly over Tommy’s chest and belly with one hand while Tommy’s thumb rubs gentle, firm circles in the meat of his upper arm. He likes it, he decides. He’s not a religious person himself, but faith feels like something… important. Fundamental. Feels like a Big Thing, the way sexuality is. It does feel better, he thinks, just to know there are other people who’ve discovered one of those Big Things as a whole ass grownup. He’s not sure how to phrase it. But it does make it feel better.

“So what I hear you saying… is that realizing I like dudes and getting into your pants could be considered comparable to finding God,” is what comes out of his mouth.

He can feel Tommy try to maintain his composure and suppress the snort that wants to escape. He does his best, abdominal muscles contracting under Buck’s hand, but the laughter wins out and explodes in a kind of barking cough that sounds, frankly, a little alarming. Buck sits them up and thumps Tommy on the back a few times, handing him the mug of honeyed tea that’s been cooling on the coffee table.

“Evan,” Tommy wheezes eventually, “I’m going to need you to never say anything like that again.”

“Sure, babe,” Buck says. “But just to be clear, does that mean you don’t want me to get on my knees for you?”

And Tommy is laughing again, and Buck feels so much better. Feels warm inside, because somehow, Tommy always knows how to make him feel better. How to take the disparate anxious puzzle pieces of him and turn the picture right side up so he knows how to solve himself.

(“Oh, my God,” Tommy gasps between coughs.

“That’s my line,” Buck says.)

read on AO3 >>>

[queerdiazs]

detours | 2.7k, teen

“Maybe next time we actually talk like two adults instead of waiting till one of us gets a sprained ankle.”  Buck laughs, full and hearty and loud, and something inside Eddie’s chest lets go. Buck’s a sight when he’s enjoying himself, all big and beefy and brawny but so gentle, so soft and tender, and Eddie missed Buck’s lack of inhibition and genuineness. He missed it so much he didn’t realize it was hurting until it stopped.  “Deal,” Buck agrees, scrubbing his hand down his face. He’s less red now—more pink, maybe, like those peonies Eddie planted in the backyard. Pretty. “How’s your ankle?”  Eddie blinks a few times to get Buck’s pink face out of his mind. “It’s fine,” he lies. His painkillers wore off a few minutes ago and he’s had worse, yeah, but that doesn’t mean it’s not aching. “I mean, it hurts, but it’s fine. It was partially my fault, anyway.”  “How?”  “I wore sneakers with a tall sole hoping I could get some inches on Tommy and the other guys,” he explains, shaking his head. He knows better—there’s a reason he never wears shoes when he’s doing legs at the gym. “I’m having a hard time accepting I’m five-eleven and a half.”  (Fuck what his doctor says, the half inch is important.)  Buck makes a goofy face. “I mean, it could be worse,” he says, holding both hands up in surrender. “You could be as short as Chim.”  Eddie reaches around on the couch for a balled up napkin and throws it right at Buck’s face. “You’re horrible!” he says, but he’s vindicated in being validated. He ought to now Buck isn’t ever going to leave him to flounder.  “Yeah, yeah. I know.” He picks up the napkin and tosses it back toward Eddie. “I brought your other shoe, by the way. It’s on the table.”  Eddie stretches high like a prairie dog and sees his missing shoe is, in fact, on his dining room table. He snorts and shakes his head. “Just call me Cinderella.”  Buck grins. “Does that make me your prince charming?”  Eddie grins, too, because how can he not? Buck’s here and it’s okay. They’re okay. “Something like that,” he says because he doesn’t think he’d mind Buck being his prince charming. He’s pretty good at being a damsel, at least. 

read the rest on ao3

[firehose118]

I think one of the reasons that I, as a narrative enjoyer, have been going so feral over the choice to bring back and flesh out Tommy specifically is that like

It hits on this idea of re-examining people from your past and realizing that you never know what other people are going through at any given moment.

That people change while you’re not looking. That your idea of someone is frozen at the moment you stop knowing them, but that doesn’t mean they stop growing

Chimney Begins / Hen Begins -era Tommy was an asshole, there’s no way around that, but he also wasn’t this empty-headed himbo happy with the status quo. He didn’t openly question it, but that’s at least in part because he needed to blend in to survive

He had so much turmoil going on under the surface but we didn’t see even a hint of it in his original run. The Watsonian answer for that is that he was hiding it. The Doylist answer is that in season 2 it hadn’t been written in to his character yet

There’s something so beautiful in a meta way about that. Every forgettable minor character could be someone you fall in love with if only you got the chance to know them

It’s like re-meeting as an adult someone you kind of forgot about from middle school and you realize Oh, they’ve grown up. They’re not forever stuck as the miserable asshole you remember them as. They’ve matured and figured themselves out and now, with context, you have can sympathy for the person you knew then, even if you don’t quite forgive them for how they acted

I know it’s all a happy accident that they brought Tommy back and not Lucy. But the fact is that they did, and that now we get to have this fascinating story, this deeper look into a character that most of us completely forgot about

We can rewatch these Begins episodes with the knowledge of who Tommy is now and who he was then and get so, so much more out of his every word than the writers at the time ever intended

[thetriumphantpanda]

handcuffs and alibis

I cannot be tamed so here, have part five of dbf!Joel. Y'all can thank @morning-star-joy for this one, she kinda came up with the idea of tying Joel to the headboard. ENJOY y'all, I wrote this under the influence of two glasses of wine and a double tequila soda so... you've been warned. You can read the previous 4 parts here, and if you'd like to leave a tip on my ko-fi I'd be eternally grateful, but of course, no pressure!

Pairing | dbf!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary | Joel teases you at another family cookout, so you decide to take your revenge.

Word Count | 3.8k

Warnings | As always, just dbf!Joel in general. Alcohol consumption and mentions of food, public teasing, oral (M receiving), use of restraints, dirty talk, protected PiV sex, no use of Y/N.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Texas Sun Playlist

Your dad never really needs an excuse to hold a cookout, especially during these long summer months. So, when you finally get the call that you did in fact land the job you wanted, he’s straight out stocking up on enough beer to get the entire street drunk and enough food to feed the US army. 

He’s currently grilling the second lot of steaks, even though everyone sat around the table is stuffed from the burgers, skewered meats and hot dogs and no-one can really move. It’s a quieter affair than your welcome home party – sat around the table are your parents, Tommy and Joel and two of your mom’s friends from work. That doesn’t stop you from planting yourself directly across the table from Joel, making eyes at him over your bottle of beer, and running your bare foot up the part of his leg that you can reach under the table. 

He's been a picture of calm the entire time, his eyes didn’t throw a shade of warning across to you, just a look that said, ‘go on, I dare you.” Which you had been putting to the test the entire evening. 

“Can’t believe you’re actually going to be an archivist, smartass,” Tommy beams across the table when you’ve all had your fill of food, “We all knew you’d land it though.” 

You smile and clink your beer with his, “Can’t deny it’s a huge relief, thought I was going to be unemployed for way longer than this.” 

“Drinks on you next time, then?” He teases, “Joel and I know a great bar in town, maybe we can go sometime?” 

“Are the drinks cheap?” You smirk, “I’m not going to be making millions and the way you two drink I’ll be bankrupt in no time.” 

As you’re talking you can feel Joel’s foot tapping against yours under the table. It’s innocent enough but it’s just distracting enough that you struggle to engage in the rest of the conversation. You’re grateful when your mother takes the lull of silence in conversation as a sign to start clearing up. You almost jump at the opportunity to help her, which has her raising her eyebrow, but she doesn’t question you. 

Once she’s brought all the dirty plates and cutlery along with the dishes of leftovers, she grabs a chilled bottle of wine from the fridge and heads back out to her friends, leaving you alone, yet again, to clean up a party held for you. You make quick work of packaging up the leftover sides and meat, putting them in the fridge before you start rinsing plates and putting them in the dishwasher. 

“This feels awful familiar,” Joel’s voice speaks behind you, you turn and watch him peer into the dishwasher, “Good girl, nice to see I’ve taught you somethin’ useful.”

“What the hell are you doing, Joel?” You hiss. 

He looks at you with a confused look, “I was complimentin’ your stackin’ skills, am I not allowed to do that?” 

“Good girl,” You attempt to mock his accent, “Really, Joel?” 

He has a glint in his eye and smirk across his mouth, “Don’t usually complain when I’m calling you that.” 

“Usually because we’re alone, Joel.” You murmur as he takes a step towards you, resting his hand on the small of your back before he leans down as close as he can get to speak into your ear. 

“You started it,” He speaks lowly, “All that with your foot runnin’ up my leg, got me all worked up sweetheart, and now I want you.” 

You jerk your head to look out of the window, no-one is particularly looking into the window, but it would be so easy for anyone to turn their head and immediately see Joel pressed up against you, whispering into your ear. 

You nudge your elbow into his stomach behind you, “Not here,” You hiss, “Anyone could see us.” 

“Awful shy, all of a sudden, sweetheart,” He teases into your ear, but is thankfully moving back from you, “Suit yourself.” 

You finish stacking the dishwasher as he pulls out two cold beers from the fridge, using your dad’s ‘Florida’ bottle opener from a vacation you took years ago to open them both, setting one down on the side for you. He leans against the fridge once it’s closed, sipping at his beer as he watches you. You wipe your hands dry on a towel and grab the beer, taking two long drinks from the bottle. 

“C’mon, people’ll be wondering where we’ve gotten to.” 

“Certainly can’t have that.” You mumble, quietly enough that he doesn’t hear you. 

Back outside, Tommy is stood with your dad at the bottom of the garden, looking into the shed. Tommy is pointing at something and laughing and a split second later you can hear your dad’s low chuckle as well. Your mom and her friends have moved from the table to sit on the loungers that are around the pool, sipping wine and squealing at whatever neighbourhood gossip they’re talking about. 

Joel’s hand is on the small of your back again, guiding you back to the table you were sitting at to eat dinner, you sit back in your old chair, Joel this time opts to sit next to you, because of course he does. 

“What do you think they’re talking about?” You tip your beer bottle towards your mom and her friends. 

“Probably the fact that Marcia at the end of the street is having an affair with her assistant at work.” He says it so nonchalantly that you almost think he’s joking, until you look up at him and find he’s deadly serious.

“Oh my god, really?” You choke on your beer, “Joel she’s like sixty, how old is he?” 

He shrugs, “How am I supposed to know,” he takes a sip of his own drink, “Heard ‘em gossiping when I came inside.” 

“Get it girl, I guess,” You snigger, “Her husband must be pushing seventy and we’ve all got needs I suppose.” 

His warm hand comes to rest on your thigh, just above your knee. It’s under the table and with everyone else preoccupied with their conversations, no-one would really notice, but there’s still a thrill settling through your bones. 

“Promise you’d let me sort your needs out at seventy, sweetheart?” 

You snort, “Joel, when I’m seventy there’s a strong likelihood, you’ll either be senile in a home or dead.” 

He throws his head back as he laughs, probably one of the most genuine expressions of happiness you’ve ever seen from him, and it warms your heart that you were the one to cause it. Outside of Tommy and Sarah, and occasionally your dad, Joel was stoic, almost to a fault, but you liked this version of him, warm and happy, with his hand on your thigh. 

Said hand is now currently inching it’s way higher, hitting the material of your dress. You drop your head and watch as his hand disappears underneath the white linen material to rest dangerously close to the apex of your thighs. You turn your head to give him a warning look but he’s not even paying attention to you. He’s looking anywhere but at your face, his own plastered with a look of complete indifference that his fingers are brushing the cotton of your underwear and causing your breath to catch in your throat. 

You can feel him tracing the seam of your pussy through the material and if he’s not careful, within the next few seconds you’re going to outwardly beg him to bend you over and fuck you on this table in front of everyone. To save yourself the pain of watching him slowly murdered by your father, you reach down and grab his wrist, pulling his hand away from you. 

“Will you give it a rest?” You chide, “Don’t start something you can’t finish. 

Almost on cue, Tommy is bounding up the garden, your father a few steps behind him. Joel extricates his hand from between your legs, still looking like the picture of calm. 

“Can you give me a ride into town?” Tommy asks, “Delia wants to grab drinks.” 

You watch as Joel rolls his eyes, “Can you not take a cab?” 

“C’mon Joel, just run me into town, it won’t take too long.” 

“Who’s Delia?” You ask, winking at Tommy. 

“Tommy’s latest girlfriend,” Joel replies, standing from the chair, “He’s smitten.” 

“She ain’t my girlfriend, jackass,” Tommy glares at Joel, “We’re just spendin’ time together.” 

“Oh, so she’s your fuck buddy then?” You smirk, causing Joel to choke on his spit and Tommy to laugh. 

“Oh, c’mon old man,” Tommy is teasing, clapping him on the back, “You could use one’a them yourself, spendin’ all your time alone in that house.” 

It’s your turn to flush, the words if only you knew spring to the forefront of your mind, and it’s almost like Joel reads your thoughts. 

“Who says I ain’t got one of my own?” 

Tommy looks disgusted for a second at the thought of his older brother having his own fuck buddy, you can feel your cheeks flushing too, knowing that it’s you he’s talking about when no-one else around you has any idea, “Right, well you keep that information to yourself please.” Is all Tommy replies before him and Joel are bidding everyone goodbye. 

You sit for a moment outside, trying to calm yourself down, but all you can do is rub your thighs together and sigh that Joel did in fact start something he couldn’t finish, leaving you high, dry and horny in favour of taking his brother into the city to get his dick wet. 

“You alright, doll?” Your dad asks, taking Joel’s old chair, “Looking a little flushed,” He puts his hand on your forehead to check for a temperature, “You feelin’ alright?” 

“I’m fine dad,” You mumble in response, suddenly hyper aware of the high-pitched screeching coming from your mom and her friends, “I might go and lie down for a bit.” 

“Alright,” He leans over and presses a kiss to your cheek, “You just shout if y’need anything, alright?” 

You lie on your bed upstairs for two hours. Somewhere around the first hour you can hear your mom bidding her friends goodnight and then the hushed talk she has with your father. Once the sun has set and the sky is dark you hear them go to bed, and not ten minutes later the soft snores of your father start drifting through your wall. 

You’re too worked up to sleep. What you should do is reach into your drawer, pull out your vibrator and get yourself off, drift off to sleep and let it lie. Without thinking about the consequences though, you’re standing from your bed and opening your bedroom door as quietly as you can. You close it behind you and when there isn’t a lull in the sound of your parents snoring you know you’re in the clear. You pad down the stairs and slip on your sandals at the door, slipping out once you’ve grabbed one of your dad’s ties from the washing basket. 

You’re halfway down the street when you really think about what you’re doing. Turning up to his house unannounced with a big plan and no real idea on how to execute it properly. What if he was already in bed? Or what if he’d decided to stay in town with Tommy and have a drink? Thankfully as you get closer to his house you notice his truck is in the driveway. A few steps later you see the light in the bottom window, meaning he’s still up and about. 

You knock gently at the door, listening as you can hear shuffling behind it before he pulls it open. He looks you up and down with a smirk on his face, fingers hooked into the top of his jeans like he always stands. 

“Well, ain’t this a nice surprise?” 

“You started something you didn’t finish,” You breathe, stepping close enough to him to press your body against his own, “I want you to finish it,” You demand, “Right now.” 

“That so?” 

You step back just enough to reach your hands to his shoulders, pushing him back inside his home. You’re half-aware of him slamming the door shut behind you, but then his hands are snaking around your waist and your back is pressed against the wall as his lips finally crash to yours. It’s messy, all teeth and tongue, but you’re not complaining. You’d been dreaming of him kissing you all evening. 

“How am I meant to finish it then, sweetheart?” He asks, breathing against your lips before joining them together again. 

“Bedroom,” You gasp out the next time he pulls away from you, “Take me to bed, Joel.” 

He wastes no time in grasping at your wrist and pulling you up the stairs and into his room. It is so quintessentially Joel. Bed unmade, overflowing washing basket in the corner. Chest of drawers which wouldn’t close because each drawer was stuffed so full of clothes and other things they were overflowing. 

You turn to him, he’s leant in the doorway, cool as a cat, which infuriates you because you are so incredibly turned on. Your chest is heaving with every breath you take, skin flushed hot, “Take off your clothes.” You insist. 

“Take off my clothes?” 

“Did I stutter?” You raise an eyebrow and his face drops when he knows you mean business. 

He’s slow about it. He drags his t-shirt over his head as he walks towards his bed, discarding it to the floor as you turn on the spot to follow him with your eyes. Then he’s looking straight at you as he undoes his belt with one hand, pulling it through the belt loops to fall to the floor as well. He unbuttons and unzips his jeans, pulling them down excruciatingly slowly. Then he stands and waits. 

“All of it, Joel.” You motion to his boxers with the clear bulge of his cock visible through them. 

“As you wish, ma’am.” And they too are discarded, leaving him completely naked to your complete state of dress. 

“On the bed.” 

You wonder if he can tell what might be about to happen because he lies down on the bed, head propped against the pillow. You’re quick to take your place at the foot of the bed, crawling up his body to straddle his hips. You can feel his cock nudging against the cotton of your underwear as you fall into him and kiss him. He opens his mouth against yours and it’s at this moment that you pull the tie from inside your bra into one hand. His eyes are closed, and he has no idea what’s about to happen. You drop the tie on the pillow next to him, using one hand to wrap around one his wrists, pulling it to rest above his head. You put all your weight on this hand, using your other to pull his other wrist above his head also. 

He's too busy tangling his tongue with yours and bucking his hips into your clothed pussy to notice you reaching for the tie on the pillow. In fact, it’s not until you’re pulling yourself away from him and wrapping the silk of the tie around his wrists and knotting it to the headboard that he starts to question what you’re doing. 

“What- fuck baby, what’re you doing?” His voice is wavering as he tugs his wrists. 

“Making you pay.” You shrug, simply. 

“Whatever did I do to deserve this?” He asks, watching intently as you start moving down his body with trails of your tongue, stopping occasionally, to press hot kisses to his skin. 

“You already forget your teasing from earlier?” You mumble against his skin. 

“Thought you liked it.” He whimpers as your lips are peppering kisses along his pubic bone, ignoring the throbbing of his cock. 

“I did,” You admit, “Until you left me high and dry.” 

“That wasn’t my fault,” He insists, breathing laboured, “If Tommy wasn’t so insistent, I’d have stayed and fucked you in that garden.” 

You hum against his skin, trailing kisses down his thighs, dragging your fingernails after your mouth. You revel in the sounds of his deep breathing and the gasps he’s letting out. 

“I don’t think this is very fair, sweetheart.” Joel’s strained voice comes from above you, causing you to take a break from pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses along his thighs. 

“You weren’t complaining about teasing when you were in charge, Mr Miller.” 

You hear a groan of frustration because he knows it’s true. He knows he pushed his luck earlier and he knows this is one battle he’s not going to win. He relents his incessant pulling at the tie that’s got him trapped to the headboard, not quite sure how you’re so practiced at tying men up so they can’t move, but he files that away to ask about later. Now he just focuses on you and your lips. The lips that he so wishes would just move a little to the right and envelop his cock in one go. He’s sure the relief from your teasing would be enough to having him come down your throat in minutes. 

If you were a better woman, you’d have been able to keep this up for hours, but there’s an ache between your legs that is crying out to you to bury yourself on his cock. You can tell from the way he’s jutting his hips up to meet your lips wherever you kiss him that’s telling you he’s struggling too. You’ve proven your point, now it’s time to have fun. 

“What do you want Joel?” You ask, looking up at him from your place between his thighs. 

His eyes are begging you, “Sweetheart,” He huffs, “I need your mouth on me.” 

He’s waited long enough. You grip the base of his cock in your hand, running your tongue along the underside before your lips wrap around the tip. The moan that drops from his mouth is indecent, and it only gets better when you start bobbing your head up and down his length. 

“Untie me baby,” He begs as you feel his cock hit the back of your throat, “I wanna put my hands on you.” 

You pull your mouth off him, using your hand to jerk him off, running strands of saliva up and down his length, “I don’t think so, you got more than enough earlier.” 

He throws his head back and groans as you put your mouth back on him, taking him as far down your throat as possible, using your hand to pump the rest of his length that you couldn’t. His groans spur you on until he bucks his hips up as your mouth is running down his length, causing you to gag, tears forming in your eyes. 

“Shit… shit baby,” He curses and then mumbles that he’s sorry, “I ain’t gonna last much longer, let me fuck you.” 

Your pussy is practically begging for him to be inside of you, clenching around nothing at all with every drag of your mouth and swirl of your tongue around him, so he doesn’t have to tell you twice. You push yourself back on your knees, pulling your dress over your head and your underwear down your legs. 

“Condoms?” You asked, his head motions to the bedside table. 

You lean over him and pull one out, ripping the package open with your teeth before you’re rolling it down his length and straddling his hips, your tight cunt hovering inches above him. One last attempt at teasing him. He’s lined up just right with your entrance that when he bucks his hips, the head of his cock is nudging through your slick and into you and you’ve lost the game. 

You sink yourself down onto him, throwing your head back in pleasure as your roll your hips and grind onto him. You open your eyes and the picture below you is a sight to behold. Joel, with his hands tied to his headboard by your dad’s striped, blue work tie, mouth agape with your name tumbling from his lips. He’s got a sheen of sweat across his beautifully tanned skin, beads of it pooling at his temples and dropping down onto the pillowcase below. He is completely at your mercy, and you think that if you tried hard enough, stared at him for long enough, that just this sight alone could make you come. 

“Baby c’mon, untie me.” Joel begs once again. 

You shake your head, instead leaning back, one hand gripping his knee behind you to steady yourself, the other snaking down your body to rest on your pussy. You dip your fingers down low enough to gather slick from where Joel’s cock is splitting you open, dragging your fingers up to circle your clit. You’re so sensitive from the teasing and the wanting that you know you’re finished before you really even start. 

“God damn,” Joel moans beneath you, “So fuckin’ tight for me, that’s it, play with your pretty pussy for me,” Even when he’s tied up, he’s a menace, “Can feel you clenching me baby, you gonna come?” You nod your head but continue bouncing on his cock whilst your fingers bring you to the edge, “Touched yourself for less than a minute and you’re gonna come all over my cock, ain’t ya?” 

“Fuck Joel, it’s just too good.” 

“I know baby, I know,” He’s coaxing you, bringing his hips up to meet you on your way down, hitting that delicious spot inside you that he knows will make you come undone, “Give it to me, darlin’.” 

It’s all you need. You hand is dropping from your pussy, palms of your hands hitting his chest as you convulse around his cock, crying his name out into the depths of his bedroom. He doesn’t let up his thrusts though, pounding into you from below, chasing his own high which soon follows. 

You can feel the throbbing of his cock inside you, wishing that you could feel him painting your slick walls with his seed. Soon, you think, but not yet.

You’re face down on his chest when he mumbles from above you, “Think you can untie me now?”

You chuckle, pushing yourself off his chest to untie the knot. It comes apart easily and you think that if he had really wanted to, he could have pulled his hands apart and freed himself. He’s taking the tie from your hands. 

“Where the hell’d you even get this?” He asks as you collapse onto the bed next to him. 

“It’s my dad’s.” You smirk, turning to him, his eyes wide, dropping the tie to the floor like it had burnt him. 

“M’never gonna be able to look at that man the same way.” He mumbles, turning onto his side, propping himself up on one arm, whilst using the other to rub soft circles on the skin of your tummy. 

“Had to teach you a lesson somehow,” You grin at him, “Bet you won’t tease me again.” 

“Oh sugar, if you’re gonna tie me up and ride me like that every time, you bet your bottom dollar I absolutely will.” 

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling Ch. 18 - Reverse

Joel leaves for a longer patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-17 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut :D. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 7.7k 

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It was surprisingly easy to fall into a life with Joel. 

It probably helped that he was the person you spent the most time with, anyway. Since you’d started borrowing the guitar, you were at his house nearly as much as you were at your own. You’d had to earmark time to spend with Ellie - who wanted so little to do with Joel that even sitting on his front porch was out of the question - but otherwise, you were at least near him a lot. Add in patrol time, the fact that he talked you into movie nights and mess hall dinners and you realized, suddenly, that you were already living alongside him. 

It just became more purposeful now.

You were dreading the next time Joel went on patrol - he went out far more frequently than you did - because it would mean a change in this new, comfortable but somehow still exciting way of being. 

“I’m only gonna be gone three days, baby,” Joel said as you leaned against him over lunch at the stables, the two of you sitting on the ground with your backs against a wall, your legs straight in front of you so the toe of your boot would brush his leg when you moved. You frowned, eating another berry. 

“I know,” you sighed. “Still gonna miss you.” 

“Careful,” you could hear the smile on his voice. “Might think you like me or something.” 

“Ugh,” you smiled a little. “Can’t have that. It’ll go right to your head, you’ll be insufferable.” 

“According to Tommy I’m that already.” 

You laughed a little. 

“What’s the movie tonight?” You asked. “If I’m giving up alone time with you just before you leave, it had better be worth it.” 

“Might have talked Maria into Titanic…” 

You shot up off his shoulder to look at him and he smiled. 

“Really?” You asked. 

“Really,” he smiled a little bigger. 

“I haven’t seen that movie since before the outbreak!” You were damn near giddy. Joel laughed. “Hey, don’t make fun of me, not all of us had the luxury of fuckin’ electricity over the last two decades alright?” 

“Not making fun,” he was still chuckling and you glared. “Swear I’m not, Sweetheart. You’re just very cute when you’re excited.” 

“OK first of all, I ain’t cute,” you said, getting on your knees next to him. “I’m intimidating.” 

“Very,” he agreed, trying not to laugh. 

“I am!” 

“Not arguin’, Baby,” he said. “You’re very intimidating. Just also very cute and very sexy.” 

You snorted. 

“Now you’re making fun,” he said, grabbing your hips and pulling you onto his lap so you were straddling him. “Don’t get to just make fun of my woman without consequences.” 

“Oh, I’m your woman now?” You raised your eyebrows but your heart swelled with it. 

“Ain’t you?” He cocked his head, his hands moved to your thighs, the wide spread of them sinking into your flesh through your jeans. 

You kissed him instead of replying and he stretched up into it, tugging you closer, your arms going around his neck, his tongue sliding past your lips to meet yours. 

“Alright,” he panted after a minute. “Not sure the movie is worth it now, should just get you home as quick as possible…” 

You laughed and kissed him again, lighter this time. 

“Brought this on yourself,” you said, smiling against him. “Shouldn’t have tried to be so nice to me.” 

“No good deed,” he kissed you and you laughed before you sat back from him, lacing your fingers with Joel’s. 

“Now that you’ve promised me Titanic, we have to go,” you toyed with this hands. He smiled. 

“Not THAT good a movie…” he teased. 

“Excuse you,” you said. “It has action and history and romance. It’s the perfect movie!” 

You leaned forward so the tip of your nose brushed his. 

“I’ll make it worth your while,” you smiled. 

He laughed a little. 

“Never thought you’d be talkin’ me into movie night,” he said. “But since you really wanna go that bad…” You smiled. “Can’t go drooling over that Leonardo whatever the fuck his name is, though. Gotta draw the line somewhere.” 

“That’s fine,” you smiled wider and kissed him one more time, grinning mischievously when you were done. “Always thought Kate was hotter, anyway.” 

You got up and helped him off the ground before he slung an arm over your shoulders and pulled you close enough to kiss your cheek and you smiled again. Smiled because it was Joel and anything with him seemed to make you happy. Smiled because you wanted to do so much more than kiss him. Smiled because touching him like this didn’t scare you. 

Proximity and touch still set you off with almost everyone else - Ellie the only other notable exception - but with Joel, it was a comfort. It meant he was close and you knew he was safe, so different from the men who had tormented you he may as well be a separate species. You wouldn’t mind spending the rest of your life with at least one of his hands on you all the damn time, some physical representation of the connection you felt toward him there for you to ground yourself in. 

“Meet you at yours before dinner?” He asked and you nodded. 

He separated from you before you got to the door of the stable. With the exception of Tommy, no one knew that you and Joel were together now. Jackson was a small town, you’d rather everyone wasn’t talking about you behind your back. It felt too new to share with all these people. You hadn’t even bothered to label it yourselves, never explicitly discussing any of it. You’d just both assumed that you’d be spending as much time as possible together now and touching when you did. That was fine by you. It was nice, having the feelings be quiet and private. You didn’t want to share them before you had a chance to fully understand them yourself. 

“See you then, Sweetheart.” 

Joel looked at you for a moment before he went to go back to work, a soft look in his eyes that made your heart race and heat pool low in your stomach. Like he wanted to just keep looking at you for a while, like he wanted to do nothing more than just be next to you. 

You watched him go, his broad shoulders and shaggy hair, and a thought settled comfortably into your skin. You loved him. You likely had for a while, you realized, just too afraid of what that meant to see it properly. 

You’d never loved someone you hadn’t lost. You’d just started to accept it with Justin when you had to kill him. Marisa moved on while you stayed behind, heart aching and desperately lonely, praying that she’d made it, that she was safe and happy and had found someone who could love her the way she deserved. Mark you’d never even had a chance to say goodbye to. 

The love you had for Joel felt different and the life you led here felt different, too. You’d only ever been in love during the end of the world, all of it tinged in desperation and fear, knowing there was a very real chance that the two of you might get torn apart or shot or changed into an infected, mindless thing. It made things desperate and needy and intense. 

Jackson was different. It had given you the space to start to come back into yourself, find the version of you that had been buried by fear and pain for years. It let you feel secure enough that you could grow to love Joel instead of being thrown into affection only to have no choice than to fight against drowning in it. 

But you were still apprehensive of it. You were in love with Joel. More in love with him than you’d been with anyone else. What if fate decided to take him, too? What if Jackson had lulled you into a false sense of security and he was in just as much danger here as he would be in the wilderness? 

You tried not to think about it as you got back to work. You’d lost so much, you weren’t sure you could survive losing Joel, too. 

You tried to focus on movie night, on taking Joel to bed after and not on the fact that he was going to be leaving Jackson to look for trouble. 

It was Joel. Everything was going to be fine. It had to be. 

*** 

“You’re pushin’ it,” Joel whispered in your ear as you pressed closer, your hand on the inside of his thigh. 

“No idea what you mean,” you whispered back. “Watch the movie, Rose is about to get naked, don’t want to miss that…” 

His lips trailed over your cheek, your temple until they were close enough that they brushed your ear when he spoke.

“Be better if it was you.” 

You turned and raised your eyebrows at him. 

“Bullshit I’m hotter than Kate Winslet.” 

He didn’t respond - even though you were. Instead, he lifted your chin and kissed you, trying not to think about undressing you, sinking into your wet heat, swallowing your desperate little sounds as you came. 

He was still amazed that he had you. He hadn’t even really considered something like this before you. That part of his life seemed long over. But he’d never imagined someone like you and now he couldn’t imagine life without you. He didn’t want to. 

You pulled away from him and he could just make out the needy look in your eyes in the light from the projector. 

“Wearing only this,” the movie said and you elbowed him. 

“Stop distracting me.” 

“Not doing a damn thing.” 

He tried to not kiss you again, just let his hand trail up and down your bare arm as you pressed closer to him but after a few minutes you twisted in his arms and reached up, your fingers knotting in his hair and pulling Joel’s lips to your own. 

“Thought you wanted to watch the movie,” he said quietly between kisses, happy the two of you had sat tucked in a slightly more private corner. 

“Shut up.” 

He laughed and kissed you one more time before you turned back to the screen. 

As much as he wanted to get you home and get you naked, it was almost as fun to watch you watch the movie. You were more relaxed than he’d ever seen you at movie night, the usual tension in your body nowhere to be found. He couldn’t help but look at you, your eyes wide and bright as you watched, every emotion playing out, unguarded, on your face. 

Definitely better than Kate Winslet naked. 

He walked to your house with an arm slung around your shoulders, your hand dangling from his like being against him wasn’t quite enough for you. 

“As good as you remember?” He asked and you laughed. 

“So fucking good. I’d forgotten a lot of it, almost like watching it for the first time. Shouldn’t have been too surprised about that, though. Lot about life here is like that.” 

“Yeah?” He asked, looking at you and fuck you were so damn pretty.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I heard the electricity in the walls for the first week or so I was here. Weird as fuck and then one day I woke up and I’d just gotten used to it, my brain learned how to tune it out again. Took a while to remember that I could just flip a light switch when it was dark, that I have a fridge to keep things cold and that I don’t need a fire if I want to heat something up.” 

You made it to your door, the light on in your entry way, a little stained glass lamp that glowed in the night. You unlocked the door and pulled Joel inside, wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your warm, soft body against him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to that, the feel of you against him, wanting and beautiful. 

“Lot of that with you, too,” you said, your eyes gentle and earnest. It was a look, Joel thought, that was reserved just for him. You looked only at him with your guard down, looked only at him in a way that made you vulnerable and open. He liked that part of you seemed to belong only to him. It felt like so much of him belonged only to you. 

He kissed you, slow and easy. 

“For me, too,” his nose brushed yours and you turned out the light before taking him upstairs. 

Joel liked undressing you, more than he remembered liking it with anyone else before. He liked that he took his shirts off your body, sliding the sleeves down your arms after untying it from your waist, revealing the smooth skin of your shoulders and neck, just the hint of your breasts spilling over the top of your tank top below. 

Your breaths got needy, panting around quiet little moans as your fingers deftly opened Joel’s shirt, movements getting rougher as you shoved it down his arms, frustrated groans when you couldn’t get it off right away. 

“In such a hurry,” he said quietly, breathlessly. 

You nipped at his lower lip. 

“Want you,” you said. “Can’t help it.” 

You gave up on the shirt, instead moving to his jeans, unbuttoning them, your hand reaching inside, finding his hard length with a contented sigh. Your thumb brushed his head and he moaned into your mouth, your touch sending a shudder through him, the hot ache of want flowing out from the root of his cock through the center of him, through his limbs, his fingers, his whole body driven toward you. 

You gently spread the precome leaking from his head over his cock and he had to fight to focus on something else - anything else - to avoid the risk of spilling into your hand. 

It took effort, conscious fucking effort, to not come too fast with you. Part of it, he was sure, was the fact that no one but himself had touched him in years. But the fact that it was you made it worse. You’d overwhelmed him on a level he’d never known before, in a way he wouldn’t have thought possible. The lightest touch from you was more intense, like he was hyperaware of it, every sensation reaching more than just his skin but instead to the very center of him. 

He’d backed you into your bed and you pulled your mouth from his, eyes wide and needy. 

“Can I try something?” You panted. 

“Course,” his hand went to your face, his thumb tight along the ridge of your cheekbone, his fingers slipping into your hair. “Told you before, you can do whatever you want with me.” 

You nodded and and turned with him, so he was against the bed instead of you. You pulled away from him enough to push his shirt down his arms and cast it aside before sliding off his pants, too. He stood, bare and exposed, in front of you as you looked into his eyes before you kissed him, nudging him down into sitting up on the edge of the bed. 

You followed him down, your hands going to his thighs to spread them and settle yourself between them. Your lips left his and trailed down his neck, his chest as you knelt in front of him, kisses cutting a burning path to the root of him. 

“Baby,” he groaned through gritted teeth. “Don’t have to do this…” 

“Thought you said I could do whatever I want?” You looked up at him, sitting back on your heels. You pulled your tank top up and over your head before you unhooked your bra, revealing your full breasts, nipples peaked with need. “Well, I want to taste you.” 

Your hand wrapped around his length before you brought your mouth to his tip, pressing just your tongue to it and giving the head of him a delicate lick, your eyes on his the entire time. 

“Fuck,” he panted, his hands clutching onto your blankets. The edges of your lips curved up, almost smiling before taking the head of him in your mouth with a delicious moan. He watched, enthralled, as you took him into you, your tongue pressing into the thick underside of him as you went. Joel resisted the urge to move his hips, to fuck into your soft, warm, wet mouth, fought to let you take him at your own pace. And then you were damn near swallowing him, his head pushing into your throat as you moaned around him, the vibration of your pleasure igniting the heat deep inside him. “Jesus Christ…” 

You sucked him harder for a moment before you started moving over him, sliding your mouth up and down his shaft. He had to stop looking at you for a moment, had to tilt his head back to look up at the ceiling, the sight of your lips stretched around him too much for him to take. He fought the drive to tangle his fingers in your hair and guide your mouth over him. 

But it was like you read his mind, your hand leaving his thigh and finding his, guiding it to your head and leaving it there as your hand returned to his leg. 

“God damn,” he managed. “Just… fuck, squeeze my legs if it’s too much.” 

You moaned in response and his fingers latched onto you, moving you up and down his cock at his own pace. You sucked and worked your tongue around him as he did, pressing into the thick vein along the bottom of him. He was getting dangerously close to coming in your mouth, right where he didn’t want to come. He needed to be inside you, needed to feel you coming around him, needed to fill your pussy with him, so much of him that you’d feel him inside of you for the days he was gone. 

When it felt like he was inches away from finishing he pulled you from him, whole body tense and aching. You looked up at him, eyebrows knitted together. 

“Don’t want to come before I properly have you,” he panted. “Need inside you.” 

“Good,” you wiped your mouth on the back of your wrist, messy with your spit and his precome. “Because I need you, too.” 

You stood between his legs and went to take your pants off but he brushed your hands aside, pulling you close so he could kiss your stomach, your hips, your scars as he unbuttoned your jeans and slid them and your underwear down together. He heard your breath catch as his hands slid around the back of you, fingers digging into the flesh of your ass as he looked up at you, his lips against your skin. 

You moved to straddle him, your knees bracketing his hips and you aligned his head with your entrance, your wet heat so close he could feel you over him. Your eyes searched his for a moment as he held you close, the sensation of you threatening to overwhelm him. You kissed him with a moan, hard and deep, as you sank onto his cock. 

“Fuck Baby,” he moaned, feeling you stretch over him, the velvet vise of you as you made room for him inside of you. “Fuck, you feel… Jesus Christ.” 

You took him fully in you and settled on him for a moment. He could feel every twitch of your muscles as you adjusted to his size, feel the thrum of your pulse, the wetness that covered and enveloped him. You were heaven incarnate and it was impossible to not feel like a trespasser inside something as good as you. 

He watched you as you started to move over him, slow at first, steady, the rise and fall of you in line with your shaking breaths. Joel couldn’t help but marvel at you, that you trusted him enough to be with him this way, that you were willing to share yourself with him this way. 

He knew this was no small thing. That you used to shock away from his touch and that now you reached for him, took him inside yourself into your most intimate and vulnerable place seemed nothing short of miraculous and something in him, even now, was terrified of losing this with you. Joel wasn’t sure why you’d picked him of all people to trust but he was going to do everything he could to keep it. 

You increased your pace, your hips moving over him so his head was catching against a soft place deep inside you, a place that made your breaths stutter. 

“Joel,” you moaned, pressing your ass back into his hands and his grip got tighter. “Fuck, you’re so deep…” 

He helped leverage your thrust down and he felt your core tighten around him, a sharp little spasm, as he did. 

“I know Baby,” he groaned. “Can feel you getting close, feel you wanting to come on me.” 

“I do,” you almost winced as you came down hard on him again. “Fuck, I’m so close. Want you to come too, Joel, want to feel you…” 

“I’ll come when you do,” he said, his teeth gritted, his hold on you tightening. “Just come for me, come for me and I’ll fill you up so good, Sweetheart, promise I will, just come for me.” 

You rode him faster and harder for a moment before you thrust him deep and he felt you come apart around him, your walls fluttering over him as you cried out with it. 

“Atta girl, fuck,” he thrust his hips up to press himself ever so slightly deeper as you milked his cock and he gave himself over to the orgasm it felt like he’d been holding off for an eternity, spilling into you deep and hard. 

Joel collapsed back onto your bed, taking you with him so you were draped over him, his softening cock still deep inside you. 

“Think you should talk Tommy into letting you stay home,” you said, voice sleepy. 

Joel laughed a little, his hands splayed wide over your back. 

“Only a few days,” he kissed the top of your head, feeling the weight of you on his chest as he breathed, the reassurance that you were close. 

“I know,” you sighed. “Just gotten used to you being here. I like you in my bed. Or being in yours.” 

“Me too,” he said softly, moving to trace the line of your spine. 

“You’ll be safe?” You lifted your head from his chest enough to look at him, your eyes wide. 

“I’ll be safe,” he tucked you back against his chest and kissed your head. “Nothing gonna stop me from comin’ home to you.” 

The next morning, you stayed closer than usual as the two of you got ready to go. You pulled him into shower with you, pressing your body tight to him, working his cock with your hand as he gently circled your clit until he came on your stomach and you all but collapsed with the force of your orgasm, Joel holding you close, keeping you both from falling to the tile floor. 

But after, it shifted. He washed your hair, fingers gentle on your scalp as he worked the shampoo through it. You cleaned his chest, your soapy hands running over his skin, tracing little patterns on him. Once you were both clean, you pressed yourself against him, the hot water running over both of you, and you reached up to knot your fingers in his hair and kiss him, seemingly just happy to touch him with nothing between you for a while. 

“You go on ahead to the stables,” he said as the two of you left your house, your still damp hair braided, one of Joel’s shirts on with the sleeves rolled up and the bottom knotted around your waist. “Know you’ve got a lot to do and I’ll be a few minutes, too busy spendin’ time with you to get packed.” 

“But…” you frowned but he kissed your forehead. 

“See you in a few.” 

Joel watched you continue on to the stables before he went inside. 

He really did need to get packed but there was one other thing he wanted to check on, one you didn’t know about and he didn’t want you to until it was done. 

Joel packed his bag quickly and went into the small workshop on the back of the house. The guitar he’d been making for you for months now was sitting there, propped up so the finish he’d applied had a chance to dry. He delicately tested the wood and his finger didn’t stick. He smiled a little. He’d cut it close but it was done. 

You so loved playing, it seemed wrong that you didn’t have a guitar of your own. But Joel still wanted you to have some connection to him when you played, even if you weren’t using his instrument anymore. So he made you one. It had been slow going, things seeming not quite right or just not good enough for you. But he’d focused on getting it finished up for you, spending what seemed like every second he wasn’t with you or working finishing it up. 

He got some strings he’d set aside for it and the tuning pegs and bridge pins before heading for the stables, finding you there saddling up horses for the patrol team. 

“Still the first one here,” you smiled over your shoulder at him. 

“Good,” he said, coming over and kissing your temple. “Like getting another few minutes with you. Think I can have your attention for a minute?” 

“Think I can manage that,” you smiled, turning to properly face him, your hands in your back pockets. “Don’t think we can get up to much trouble in here, though, no time…” 

“Not lookin’ for trouble,” he said, lifting the guitar by the neck and holding it out to you. You frowned and took it. “Thought you’d like something to play while I’m gone.”

“This isn’t your guitar,” you said, your eyebrows knitted together as you looked over the instrument in your hands. 

“No,” Joel smiled. “It’s yours.” 

Your head flew up, eyes wide. 

“You’re joking.” 

“M’not,” he smiled. “Made it for you.” 

“You made this?” You gaped at him. He laughed and nodded. “Joel… I… this is…” 

“You get it on one condition,” he said. You nodded eagerly and he tried not to laugh again. “You still come by even though you don’t need to borrow mine anymore.” 

“Think that can be arranged,” you said, misty eyed as you looked back down at the guitar. “This is so… Joel…” 

“Just take care of yourself while I’m gone,” he said. “I’m comin’ back to you as quick as I can.” 

You threw the arm not holding the neck of the guitar around his neck and kissed him. 

“You better come back in one piece,” you said, breathless. “Gotta thank you properly for this.” 

Joel felt good as the patrols got underway, the pairs of horses leaving Jackson with him and Tommy bringing up the rear. Just a few days and he’d be back. Back to you and the life he was finding with you here. 

“Joel!” 

Ellie’s sharp voice stopped him. He looked back over his shoulder to see her standing at the gate, her arms crossed, looking upset. 

“One minute,” he told Tommy, riding back to Ellie and dismounting. “Baby Girl, everything OK?” 

“You just had to take her from me, didn’t you?” She stared him down. 

“What…” he frowned but she cut him off. 

“You know how many people I have that aren’t yours in some way?” She demanded. “People who can help me who aren’t also just trying to fucking figure everything out?” 

“Ellie, I don’t…” 

“I had someone!” She looked hurt. “Bambi was mine, she was my fucking friend and now that you’re doing… whatever the fuck it is you’re doing, she’ll pick you and she’ll leave me.” 

Joel sighed and closed his eyes for a second. This wasn’t how he’d wanted Ellie to find out, he should have been more careful at the movies the night before instead of making out with you like some damn teenager in the back row, he was sure that’s what had done it. 

“Kiddo, I know how much she cares about you, she wouldn’t…” 

“Does she know?” Ellie snapped cutting him off. “Does she know about all the shit you’ve done? Does she know everything you did in that fucking hospital?” Something on Joel’s face must have told Ellie the answer, the horror there. She smirked. “Didn’t think so. You really think she’ll still want you after that? After everything you’ve done? Because I don’t.” 

His heart sank. He’d never told you about what he’d done for Ellie, didn’t want you to know the whole truth of what he’d been before he went to the QZ. He wanted to be something different for you, something better, wanted to pretend like who he’d been before was dead and gone because, in so many ways, it felt like he was. 

“Ellie.” 

“Good luck on patrol,” she turned on her heel and walked away. 

“Joel!” Tommy yelled as he watched Ellie leave. “Let’s go, you’re holdin’ everything up!” 

He debated, for a moment, telling Tommy that he couldn’t go. That something had come up, that he had to stay and handle it. 

But the patrol needed to happen. Things had gone too long already, the new horses only recently to the point that the further flung checks could happen. Him staying back would leave a vital place unchecked. 

He got back on his horse and followed Tommy, trying not to think about Ellie’s unspoken threat. She might hate him but she wasn’t cruel, would she really do something like that just to hurt him? 

It was all he could think about. How to fix the damaged relationship with the girl he felt was his daughter, how to tell you the truth of everything he’d done, how he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he lost you the way he’d lost her. 

He didn’t sleep well the first night out on patrol and he was still distracted the next day. 

Distracted enough that he was missing things, Tommy the only one of the two of them catching any signs of infected. 

Distracted enough that he didn’t know anyone else was there until the shooting started. 

***

Joel made you a guitar. 

He made you a fucking guitar. 

A whole instrument, just made it for you. Because he wanted to give you something you so desperately wanted. 

You weren’t sure you’d ever been so touched by anything. 

Once you were done at the stables for the day, you went straight home to string your guitar and play it. You’d had to force yourself to actually do your job for the first time since you’d started working at the stables, the instrument sitting in the corner, a constant reminder of what you’d rather be doing. 

You’d already decided to skip dinner, didn’t care much about doing anything but this. You just got the guitar set, started playing the first chords the instrument had ever had, when there was a sharp knock on your door. You groaned and considered ignoring it before you set the guitar next to you on the couch and headed for the door, Ellie looking upset through the glass. 

“Hey Kid,” you frowned. “Everything OK? I know Joel’s gone but I can help if…” 

“Can I talk to you?” She asked. “Inside?” 

“Sure,” you stepped aside and opened the door. “Come on in.” 

You led the way to the living room and picked the guitar back up, playing random chords as Ellie paced. She stopped after a moment, looking at you. 

“Nice guitar.” 

“Joel made it,” you smiled, couldn’t help it. “Just now breaking it in…” 

“So you and Joel,” she cut you off. You froze for a second, your hand hovering over the strings. “Thought you said you weren’t fucking him.” 

“Pretty sure I also said that whatever and whoever I did in bed was none of your business,” you replied. 

“There’s shit about him you don’t know,” she said. 

You shrugged. 

“Shit about me he doesn’t know, too. We’ve both lived a lot of life, I’ll never know everything about him.” 

“You should know this,” she said, sitting next to you on the couch. “You deserve to know the kind of person he is.” 

You frowned, the look on her face making your stomach clench. 

If it had been anyone else, you’d have brushed it off. It was Joel. You knew Joel. He was a good man, the kind of man who loved a child who wasn’t his, who hadn’t judged you for everything that had happened to you. 

But you also knew Ellie and you’d never seen her like this. She was a kid but she was a smart kid, a kid who had survived a lot. 

And something had driven her and Joel apart. 

“Alright,” you said, setting the guitar down gently on your coffee table. “Tell me.” 

She looked at you for a moment before she took a deep breath and rolled up her sleeve. You frowned and she held it out to you, her wrist to her elbow covered in scar tissue. 

“What did Joel tell you about me?” She asked. 

“That you’re from Boston, an orphan,” you said. “Had some family out west, he was hired to get you to them, they were dead before you got here…” 

“He lied.” 

She took your hand and guided it to a spot on the scarring, making you trace it with your fingertips. 

“What’s that feel like?” 

“I dunno,” you shrugged. “Like scar tissue… Ellie, did Joel do this to you?” 

“No,” she almost laughed. “No, I did this to myself. Most of it. Except the part your touching.” 

“What?” You frowned, looking at her. “Why would you do this to yourself, I don’t…” 

“Does that feel like a bite?” She asked. Your frown deepened. “Because that’s what it is. It’s a bite from an infected.” 

You took your hand back and you glared at her. 

“That shit isn’t funny, Kid,” you said, probably sterner than you should have. “You weren’t alive yet during the outbreak but I lost people to shit like bites, everyone fucking did, it’s not a goddamn joke.” 

“I know it’s not,” she said, her face open and honest. She took your hands. “I know it’s not a joke, it’s not a joke to me either, I lost people, too, OK? That’s how I got bit in the first place, I was goofing off in a place I shouldn’t have been with… we got bit. She turned. I didn’t.” 

You just stared at her for a moment. 

“Ellie,” you shook your head. “No, that… that’s not possible, you’re wrong, you weren’t really bit or…” 

“Trust me, I was bit,” she said. “I’ve been bit twice now, actually. I get bit, it hurts but nothing happens. I don’t change. I’m immune.” 

“You’re…” 

You couldn’t say it. Instead you just looked at her arm again, gingerly reaching your hand out to trace your thumb over the odd pattern of bumps below the scarring. The one that was shaped like a bite. 

“No one knows,” she said. “No one except Joel and Tommy. I have to keep it a secret, who knows what people would do if they knew. So I gave myself a chemical burn to cover the bites.” 

You looked at her again. Whether this was true or not, you weren’t sure, but Ellie believed it was. That you could tell, that was the part that mattered. 

“What does this have to do with you and Joel?” You asked, taking your hands back again. 

“Joel was hired to take me across the country,” she said. “But not to my family. He was hired to bring me to a research facility where they were developing a cure, they wanted to use me to fix everything. They had a doctor who knew how to do it, who could find a way to set everything right.” 

“That’s incredible,” you said. You knew nothing about medicine beyond basic first aid to keep yourself alive but it sounded impossible. If it was doable, it seemed like someone would have done it by now. “So what happened? There’s not a cure floating around out there, right? I’ve been pretty out of the loop but…” 

“He got me this far,” she said, her jaw clenched tight. “And we found the facility. We went through a lot to get there, we almost died so many fucking times, I had to keep him from fucking bleeding to death on the floor of a goddamn basement, I… The point is, we came all that way. We went through all that shit and…” 

She took a deep breath, like she was centering herself. 

“We found the facility,” she said again. “And the doctor was there, he was ready to take what he needed from me and ready to make a cure. I don’t know how but he was. And Joel stopped him.” 

You stared, your mouth open, trying to process what she was saying. 

“That…” you began but stopped. “What do you mean Joel stopped them? That doesn’t make any fucking sense, Ellie, why would he stop them? What do you mean he stopped them?” 

“I mean there’s no fucking cure now because of Joel,” she said, her voice hot. 

“Why,” you said it more than asked it. “Ellie, there has to be a reason, there has to be, he wouldn’t have stopped them for no reason there has to be a reason. Was it going to hurt you or…” 

She looked down, her jaw tense. You could see the muscle of it twitching near her ear. 

“That’s it, isn’t it?” You asked. “It would have hurt you and he wouldn’t let them.” 

“It would have killed me, OK?” She snapped. “They needed my brain, my brain has cordyceps and they needed them to make it and Joel wouldn’t let them take my stupid brain.” 

You just looked at her for a moment. 

“Ellie,” you said quietly. “Is that why you hate Joel? Is that why you won’t speak to him, because he saved your life?” 

“He saved me from doing something that would have fucking mattered!” She yelled it, tears in her eyes. “My life would have fucking meant something! Instead I’m just here, going to fucking school and playing fucking music and…” 

“You’re living a life, Kid,” you said gently. “You think that doesn’t matter? That it’s not important?” 

“Know what he did to get me out of there?” She was crying now, not even trying to stop it. She yanked her sleeve back down, covering the burn on her arm. “I’ll tell you what he did, he killed them. Dozens of people, he murdered them. Including the doctor who could have made the cure. He’s dead. He’s dead and there’s no hope for a cure because of fucking Joel.” 

“Oh honey,” you pulled her against you, her head dropping to your chest, her tears soaking your shirt. You just held her for a bit. “It’s OK, Kid. You’re alright.” 

After a few minutes, she sat up, wiping her tears on the backs of her sleeves. 

“You can’t think what he did was right,” she said. “It’s fucking evil, he can’t…” 

“Ellie,” you said, keeping your voice calm and even. “That’s not evil, that’s what a parent does. They do everything they can - everything - to keep their child alive.” 

“But…” 

“Doesn’t matter what it is,” you said. “You’re Joel’s kid. Of course he did whatever was necessary to keep you safe, that includes killing. It would include killing before, too, but especially now.” 

“No,” she shook her head. “No, I wanted them to make a cure, I don’t care that it would have killed me, I wanted to do it! He took that from me!” 

“You really think there’s any part of Joel that would have just let them kill you, no matter what it meant?” You asked. “That he’d let someone hurt you?” 

“To save the fucking world?” She snapped. “Yeah, yeah, I do.” 

You smiled a little sadly at her, trying not to cry yourself. You tried not to think of the pain Joel must have been in, thinking he brought his child to someplace that was going to hurt her, kill her. That he’d led her to the end and given her to people who would destroy her. 

Your chest was tight. 

“That’s not how it works, Kid,” you said. “You think you’re saying that he had a choice but you’re not. He didn’t, he never did. When you love someone that much, it doesn’t matter what the other choice is. If one side is that person’s life, you do whatever it takes to save them. It doesn’t matter what it costs.”

“But…” 

You cut her off. 

“Do you think he could picture a world without you?” You asked. “Do you think he’d see anything worth saving without you? He was never going to be able to save the world, not unless you were part of it.” 

“You can’t be serious.” 

“I am,” you shrugged. She opened her mouth to argue but didn’t seem to come up with something to say. You kept going. “Do you think I’d do anything different? That I wouldn’t kill to keep you alive? That I wouldn’t do the same in a second for my kid? That’s how it works. You love someone enough, you do anything for them.” 

Her eyes looked a little glassy and she dabbed at them with the insides of her wrists. 

“You’re close with Tommy and Maria, right?” You asked. “With William?” 

“Yeah,” she sniffed. 

“If someone came to you and said they could save the world as long as you would let them kill William, would you let them?” You asked. “Would you hand him over to them? Or would you fight to protect him?” 

“That’s….” She shook her head. “That’s different, he’s just a little kid, that’s different.” 

“Is it?” You asked. “Do you really think it would be different in 10 years? That there’s a magic number where you’d let someone hurt him? Kill him?

“What if it was reversed?” You kept going. “If it was Joel, do you think you’d have let them murder him? Done nothing if you were in his position? Kid, if this is the reason you’re mad at him, I think you need to think about it more. You may not be able to fully understand it but I know him. He loves you so much, I don’t think he could have survived you dying. I’m not sure any parent really does if they lose a child. And you are his child, Ellie. Hate him or not, that’s who you are to him. And there isn’t a single parent on this planet who wouldn’t have done the exact same thing he did.” 

She slumped back on the couch. She looked exhausted. You settled in next to her and her head dropped to your shoulder before she sighed. 

“How do I forgive him for taking that from me?” She asked. “The chance to matter?” 

“He didn’t take that from you,” you said. “You always mattered. Still do. You don’t have to save the world to matter.” 

She sighed and looked numb. 

“Hungry?” You asked. 

“Yeah,” she laughed a little. “Yeah, I am.” 

You left her on the couch and got some jerky and fruit from the kitchen, handing some of it to her before flopping back next to her. She bit into some jerky and sighed. 

“How you feeling?” You asked, taking a bite of jerky yourself. 

She sighed again.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t know that I can forgive him.” 

“Do you need to?” You asked. 

She frowned. 

“What if you just tried to think about why he did what he did,” you said. “Don’t worry about if it was good or bad, just think about what it would have been like for him then. It’s over and done with, Kid. Can’t go back and change it now. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life pissed at the man who loves you so much that you’re the whole world to him? After everything you went through, I’m pretty sure you care about him, too. Don’t make your life any harder than it has to be. Don’t try to fuck up the thing he did all that just to give you.” 

You convinced Ellie to dance party with you and listened through some albums before she decided she wanted to sleep over instead of going home to be alone. 

“Wait,” she said after the two of you were in your bed. “Have you two fucked in here?” 

“Kid.” 

“Ugh ew,” she groaned. You laughed at that. “He told me he was leaving and when he was getting back but I kind of blocked it out. Guessing you know since you guys are all… gross now.” 

“He’s back day after tomorrow,” you smiled a little, even though it was too dark for her to see it. 

She sighed heavily. 

“I guess I can maybe think about talking to him then,” she said. “And before you get too excited, I said I’d think about it. I might still hate him.” 

You didn’t think she’d ever really hated him. 

“Sure, Kid.”

Ellie rolled over and pressed her back against your front. You froze for a moment before putting your arm around her. 

“Thanks, Bambi,” she said quietly. 

“Any time,” you replied. “Love you, Kid. And I know Joel, does, too.” 

“Yeah,” she said. “I know.” 

You drifted off, counting down to when Joel came home. Hoping he’d come back safe, ignoring the nervous pull in your stomach that told you he might not. 

It was Joel. He had to be OK. 

He just had to.

Next Chapter

A/N: Y'all, I promise this isn't the big angsty bit yet. Just a little angst. As a treat.

Thanks for putting up with me and for being here and spending your time with these characters. It truly means so much to me.

Love you!!

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[tommystummy]

I was literally just thinking about your most recent comment on ~daddy kink-gate~, and how I’m curious what the demographics of the two opinions are. several of the vocal critics have been people who aren’t attracted to men, and like, yeah, of course that would give you the ick then, you don’t like men?? I’d also raise that for straights, daddy issues is often just shorthand for (a woman) who is hypersexual and possibly a little kinky but not necessarily invoking daddy kink. specifically for women who interact with straight men, it’s kind of used as another way of calling someone a slut? all that said, that doesn’t justify the reaction to the conversation when Buck is the one who initiated it and having Daddy Issues in all meanings of the phrase is literally a core character trait of his. and they’re both queer men, so as you’ve pointed out, it means something specific to them. people need to stop and think for five seconds and recognize that just because *you personally* might be uncomfortable if your partner responded in that way doesn’t mean that 1) Buck, a fictional character who is Not You!, was uncomfortable, and 2) that Tommy is a Bad Person for responding to Buck’s flirtation in that manner.

There is a lot going on Gender Wise because yeah “daddy issues” when applied to a woman is often code for “slut” and yeah from a heteronormative perspective saying “I hope you have daddy issues” is a fucked up thing for man to say to a woman.

You can see that in the way some male-attracted women reacted to the scene e.g.:

But from a non-heteronormative, queer male perspective that was a playful flirty joke that opened up potential talk about kinks. As you can see in my reaction:

And even in the captions of queer male gifmakers like @tylerposey here

I think the ultimate disconnect is that this is a genuine misunderstanding of what the interaction was like from a MLM perspective (and people willfully ignoring Buck being the one who brought up daddy issues and kept pushing on it when Tommy said he didn’t) and I don’t know how the exact demographics shake out but it seemed like most queer men picked up the intent of the scene (Buck and Tommy talk about their fathers, then the conversation gets a little flirty to show that they’re more comfortable with one another) and most of the most vocal disgust has come from people who, by and large, are not queer men.

Like the Big One that caused several unfollows and blocks all over the fandom was written by a lesbian and yeah, if you’re a lesbian, the idea of a man saying he hopes you have daddy issues WOULD activate your fight or flight response and to that I do have some sympathy but it keeps coming back to the simple fact that in context, a joke about daddy kink is about as tame as you can expect from two boyfriends flirting in the privacy of their apartment.

I shudder to think what the reaction will be if they ever make a joke about Actual Gay Sex.

[bittersw33t-lotus]

Bloody Hell!

Tommyinnit x Fem! reader

Cw: bloody nose, Tommy feeling immensely guilty, takes place in the “I Brought A Trampoline Park” video, mentions of reader being a female, uses of woman, jokes of physical fights (uses of woman beater as a joke)

Tommy had invited you to join him, Ranboo, Tubbo, and George to go and play at a trampoline park Tommy rented for the day. You agreed and got dressed I’m comfortable clothes before they picked you up and drove to the place.

(So sorry for disappearing for a long time guys. I just fell out but I’ll try my best to get back into posting again. I have a whole bunch of unfinished works I need to finish.)

When you all arrived you walked in and got anti-slip socks before preparing to film. After we settled we got straight to filming our antics. We bang jumping and playing doge ball, Tommy and I kept aiming for each other the most but missing most of the shots all while shit-talking to one another. The day was going good and you were having a blast when you and Tommy decided to battle each other on one of the courses. You had to balance on a beam holding soft but pretty solid foam barrels that had handles you could hold onto, you had to try your best to hit and knock your opponent off the plank all while keeping your balance to avoid falling off. Who ever fell first won, so that’s what you and Tommy decided to do to see who was the best.

The George was already filming you two as you walked towards eachother on the plank. You had a pretty good balance on the plank, Tommy seemed to be struggling a bit to which you teased him for. As Ranboo and Tubbo stood on the sides with George watching the match, they began to cheer for you chanting your name, it gave you a bit of a boost in your ego. “The game hasn’t even started and you’re already struggling? Weak.” You teased as Tommy glared at you.

“Fuck you bitch!” Tommy yells out as the charges you and swings his barrel but they were kinda heavy and Tommy isn’t very strong and fast so you blocked his hit. With your barrel still maintaining your balance and making Tommy wobble a bit. You two fought and swung the barrels the best you could. You were pretty obviously winning with how balanced you were and how much Tommy was struggling. Before you could knock him off Tommy gave one last powerful swing but swung upwards as you aimed downwards. Tommy tried to hit your chest but you ended up kneeling down a bit causing the barrel to hit you square in the face. Tommy screams as you finally knocked him off and landed in the foam pit, you fell shortly after him technically declaring you the winner. As you landed in the pit you you felt a slightly painful stinging sensation buzz in your nasal area but you tried to brush it off not thinking much of it. Ranboo, George and Tubbo were showing their dissatisfaction at the results of the battle as they sighed obnoxiously. “You were so close to winning (yn)!” Tubbo says as he flails his arms.

You get up and out of the pit as you laugh. “Well technically, Tommy fell first and I call it a foul cause he hit me in the face.” You say as you felt, what you thought was snot running down your nostril, was warm and much more liquified than normal.

As you tried sniffing it in, it was rendered useless as it dribbled down to your lips and chin before dripping on your sweater. You look down as see that it was not in fact snot, it was actually blood. “Oh shit.” You muttered in surprise. You weren’t too worried about it since you kinda half expected yourself to bleed however the others didn’t think so.

“Oh fuck, you’re bleeding!” George says aloud, as he turns to you unknowingly recording you standing there with blood leaking from your nose and dripping on your sweater. George’s words catchthe attention of the other three boys and a few employees that were near by keeping watch of you and your friends.

Tommy eyes widened as covers his mouth with his hands. “Oh, bloody hell!” Tommy exclaims dramatically as he walks up to you. You take your sleeve and quickly cover your nose as you wave your hand.

“It’s fine, it doesn’t even hurt.” You try and brush them off but it doesn’t do much to calm Tommy. Tubbo and another employee go to the bathroom to fetch you some paper towels as Tommy just stands beside you freaking out and muttering apologies over and over again. George and Ranboo just stand there and talk about your bloody nose for a comedic bit for the video making fun of how much Tommy’s freaking out while you’re just they’re acting like nothing.

Eventually you get some paper towels and you head off to the bathroom to clean yourself up and get the bleeding under control. While the other wait for you they sit in the lounge area.

George shoves the camera in Tommy’s face and decides to make a good bit out of it. “How does it feel to know you just hit a woman and made her bleed.” George teases. Tommy looks at him with a blank stare before his face contorts to a ‘are you fucking for real?!’ Face.

“It was a fucking battle we were suppose to hit each other!” Tommy shouts as George, Tubbo and Ranboo laugh.

“Yeah but you won’t supposed to hit her in the face.” Ranboo says as Tommy groans and covers his face.

“I wasn’t trying to hit her face but she leaned down as I swung. I swear it was an accident!” Tommy cries out and he pretends to sob. “Genuinely tho I feel bad, I didn’t know she would lean down-” Tommy rambles as you come out of the bathroom with your sweater in hand now just sporting you t-shirt and a piece of tissue plugged up in your nostril.

“I got the bleeding under control finally but my sweater is covered in blood, looks like I murdered someone.” You joke as you approach the group. Tommy gets up rushes you like a mad man before engulfing you in a hug.

“I’m so so fucking sorry I swear I didn’t mean to hit you! It was an accident I swear.” He say but you quickly shut him up as you grasp his shoulder.

“Tommy chill out man, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to and besides I’m not mad about it, it’s just a bloody nose.” You say as shrug your shoulders. “However, if you broke my nose. It’d be a different story.” You joke but Tommy didn’t seem to think you were as he’s eyes widened a bit in shock and fear. You laugh and gently nudge his side. “I’m kidding Tom, I could never be angry with you.”

Tommy laughs in relief but also with a mix of nervous laughter not knowing if you really could be mad or not if that were to happen. After that the rest of the day filming and jumping around was fun. After it was over, you and Tommy drove back to his place after picking up some food and snacks to eat while you watch a movie and edit the video. After a couple hours of editing the video (ik Tommy has his own editor but just bear with it for the story) he finally decided to wrap it up and finish the rest of it tomorrow. You both sat down on the couch and watched movies you both wanted to watch.

A few days after the video finally came out. Everyone made an inside joke with the nose bleeding incident and titled Tommy to be a woman beater which was of course used lightly not really taken to heart. You laugh about it too and occasionally joke about it joking that Tommy beat the hell out of you.

———

“You guy remember when Tommy punched me and made me bleed from my nose-“

“Oh my god! I did not, it was a fucking accident and it was with a foam pillar!”

[tightjeansjavi]

Jail Bird | Joel Miller x smuggler/raider f! reader | part 2

“All I’ve Ever Known Is You”

A/N: and so we have reached the conclusion of this tragic story of unrequited love. I warned y’all earlier that this would be a doozy. Tread carefully.

~word count: 2.4k~

Summary: Joel Miller refuses to let you go, and it proves to be a costly choice.

Warnings: major character death, depictions of violence, fatal gunshot, angst, grief, regret, emotional manipulation, mentions of blood, stalking, refusal to let a person go, anger, stubbornness, obsession, unrequited love, pining, possessive behavior, actions have consequences, lots of imagery used, dark themes, Joel is an emotional mess, protective! Joel, darkish! Joel, grieving! Joel, sprinkle of PTSD from the night Sarah died, this content may be disturbing for some viewers. Please read the warnings carefully, and do not proceed if this sort of content upsets you. +18 minors dni!

Cornered: (of a person or animal) forced into a place or situation from which it is hard to escape.

"nothing is more dangerous than a cornered wild beast"

Joel had no recollection of how many hours had passed since you locked him away in this cell. He should have known better than to trust you. He beat himself up over the fact that he let his guard down that easily. What the fuck was he thinking? You kissed him and suddenly nothing else mattered. He should have sensed you were going to trick him. Maybe if his mind wasn’t so clouded, he would have stopped you when he still had the chance.

“What do you mean you don’t know where your brother is, Tommy?” Ellie was walking alongside her uncle from the mess-hall, wrapping her arms tightly around herself to lock out the chill.

“I haven’t seen him in hours El. He’s been actin’ fuckin’ strange these past few days, ever since we brought that woman in from the woods. For all we know, he skipped town or somethin.’”

“My dad wouldn’t just leave without telling one of us. That’s bullshit. Where’s the jail located? Wasn’t he interrogating her or something?” Ellie quickened her pace to keep up with her uncle.

“Yeah, you’re right, kid. He wouldn't skip town like that. That’s unlike my brother, especially now. We’ll go and check the jail and see if he’s there.”

Joel pulled himself up to his feet with a heavy grunt when he heard the main door open with a loud creak. For a split second he thought maybe it was you returning to him, but that sliver of hope was quickly vanquished when Tommy and Ellie came into his peripheral.

“Joel?! What in the hell are you fuckin’ doin’ in there?!” Tommy was already pulling out his spare keys from his pocket and quickly unlocked the cell door. “What the hell happened?!”

Joel looked up with a defeated expression on his face. His eyes were rimmed red with glassy tears pooling in his irises. Ellie was at his side with her arms wrapping around him, hugging him tightly to her. “Dad, what happened?”

Joel leaned into the comforting touch that his daughter unconditionally provided for him. A heavy sigh passed through his cracked lips as his gaze fell upon his younger brother. “She tricked me.” Was all he could utter.

“Tricked you how?” Tommy scrubbed his hand across his face, shaking his head to himself. “She over power you or somethin?’”

“She kissed me, alright? She fuckin’ kissed me..and I fell right into her goddamn trap.” Joel’s tone was bitter, laced with frustration as Ellie helped him to his feet.

“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me right now Joel? How long ago was this?”

“A few hours ago? I don’t know. She just fuckin’ locked me in here and ran. I told you when we brought her in that we have..history. I know I shouldn’t have let my guard down like that but—”

“Yeah you told me that she left you back in the QZ, and you spent all your time fuckin’ lookin’ for her. Maria said one of the horses was stolen right before dinner, so it’s gotta be your jailbird, brother.”

“Will you help me go out there and find her, Tommy? Please? I think she was just scared that somethin’ was gonna happen to her here, and that’s why she ran. If we leave her out there, she’s gonna die. I don’t want that on my conscience.” His arm was lightly draped around Ellie’s shoulders.

“Are you fuckin’—fine. I’ll grab a couple of the guys and we’ll go and look for her. She must mean a lot to ya if you’re willin’ to take these lengths. What’re you gonna do if we find her, and she doesn’t want to come back?” The three of them left the jail cell and treaded back out into the bitter cold.

“I’ll jus’ hav’to find a way to convince her to come back.” Joel stated what he believed to be the obvious. It wasn’t a matter of if he would find you. He would find you, and he’d do whatever it would take to convince you to come home with him.

The horses were saddled up with four men, including Joel and Tommy at the front. Maria told her husband that going after this jailbird was beyond stupid, and he agreed. He just had a rather difficult time telling his brother no after all the years they spent apart. Ellie didn’t like the idea either, but Joel always came back home to her. He always promised to return so this time would be no different as he kissed the top of her head, and smoothed down her hair gently. “Don’t worry about me kiddo. I promise I’ll be home as soon as we find her.”

“I know, Dad. Just be careful, okay?” She hugged him tightly.

“Always am.” Joel promised her.

The further away you were from Joel, and Jackson, the more at peace you began to feel. You didn’t believe that escaping jail would be that easy, but as soon as Joel fell into your perfectly calculated trap, you knew it was your ticket out and that you couldn’t waste another second. You had no idea where you were going to go now, and with darkness falling quickly, it would take a miracle for you to survive the cold cold night that lay ahead.

You had endured worse conditions before, and the chill didn’t bother you as much as you thought it would. You listened to the comforting crunch of snow beneath your horses hooves as your heart thrummed gently in your chest. Joel would have to be a fool to come after you now..or so you thought. Your moment of calm was fiercely destroyed when you heard the thundering of hooves approaching in the distance.

Joel fucking Miller just wouldn’t give up.

You heard him call out your name as a desperate plea through the once still snowy forest. It echoed through the surrounding evergreens, ricocheted off your thundering heart like a pinball machine. You eased your horse into a canter, desperate to escape Joel’s nearing approach.

Please! Please stop runnin’ from me darlin’! I don’t want to chase you, but you're leaving me no other choice!

He was closer now, far too close for comfort.

Your hopes for escape were cut short when your exit route was impassable due to the rushing river that stretched for miles on end. You eased your horse to a halt, frantically looking around as if you were a scared doe being narrowed on by a pack of wolves. The wind howled as you were reaching for your gun just as Joel, Tommy and two other men emerged on horseback through the snowy evergreens.

“Stay back! Stay back or I will fuckin’ shoot!” Your voice trembled like a branch being jostled through a harsh wind. Your finger held steady over the trigger despite your nerves and the frantic look in your eyes.

Joel cautiously dismounted from his horse with his hands above his head to show you that he didn’t come to harm you. He just came to ‘rescue’ you and bring you back home where you belonged. “Easy. Easy. I’m not gonna harm ya darlin.’ Please put the gun down, and then let’s talk. Okay?” His tone was soft, reassuring but it caused bile to rise deep from the pits of your stomach. You didn’t want to go home with him. You wanted to never see Joel Miller ever again.

“Like hell I’m going to put my gun down!” Your horse took a nervous sidestep to the left, nearly slipping into the icy depths below. “You need to fuckin’ let me go, Joel! I don’t want you!” You kept one hand on the trigger as you carefully dismounted from your horse.

“You know I can’t do that darlin.’ You know I can’t. Please just come home with me. We can put this all aside! C’mon. You’ll freeze to death out here.” He pleaded with you with an outstretched hand in your direction.

“I’d rather fucking freeze to death out here than go anywhere with you. Take five steps back right fucking now, or I shoot. Why can’t you just let me go? Why can’t you just fucking move on! I don’t love you, Joel. I never have, and I never will. What we had years ago was good, it was fun, but you’re chasing a fucking ghost. What you want from me is something I am not capable of giving you. You need to move on.” Now you were the one pleading with him. You didn’t want to have to shoot but if it meant that Joel Miller would never be in your life again…

“You don’t love me, sweet girl? That’s bullshit and you know it. All that time we spent together? It meant fuck all to you? I don’t believe it! You’re a terrible fuckin’ liar, and you’re making this way harder than it needs to be! Please, stop fighting me. You’re breakin’ my fuckin’ heart, baby.” He didn’t listen to your demand for him to take five steps back and instead took two cautious steps forward.

“I am NOT your sweet girl! I never was Joel! Stop trying to convince yourself that I have ever cared for you below a surface level! The only liar here is yourself. Now, you can turn around and go home and forget all about me. It’s for your own fucking good. You think that one day I’ll wake up and suddenly develop feelings for you? That’s not how the world works! That’s never how it worked, and you just have to accept that!” You kept the barrel of your gun trained on him as he stepped closer to you.

“Joel, maybe we should just—” Tommy tried to reason with his brother.

“No, Tommy! She’s comin’ home with me one way or a fuckin’ other.” He didn’t even look back at his brother as he took another step forward. His eyes were desperately pleading with you to give in and you truly were beginning to feel like a cornered doe with a pack of vicious wolves caving in.

Closer. Closer. Closer.

You saw Joel reach out to grasp your arm and the second he did, you went to shove him away. Screaming profanities at him with tears stinging your eyes. Your screams died in your raw throat when a gunshot shot rang through the air. It was not your own gun. It all happened so fast as the bullet tore through the flesh of your heart, where Joel had once built a home there. The windows shattered, the wood splintered, and the bed exploded into a cloud of down feathers. The house he forged with his bare hands laid in a pile of ash as you sank to your knees. Dark crimson blood pooled through the layers of clothing on your body as you struggled to take your final breaths.

Everything around you began to grow fuzzy as your lashes fluttered. The sensation of blood draining from your body like the rushing stream was eerily calming. You had never been afraid to die. Not when the world had gone to shit, and everyday could be the day that you would depart the living realm. The once white snow was stained scarlet as you slumped into Joel’s arms with one final breath.

Joel felt his own life flash before his eyes as the bullet tore through your flesh. It all happened so fast and there was nothing he could do to stop it as you slumped into him. He desperately pressed down on the wound as more blood filtered through your body. His hands were stained in it along with his clothes. There was so much blood and so little time. “No no no. Fuck! No. You are not dyin’ on me like this!” He relived images of Sarah dying in his arms flash through his brain as he let out a bone chilling sob.

“Tommy! Help me! Fuckin’ help me!” He finally looked over his shoulder at his brother who could only stare back from where he sat on his horse.

“SOMEBODY FUCKIN’ HELP ME!” He screamed as he clutched your body against his chest, rocking your slumped form as he cried into your cold shoulder.

No one moved a muscle. No one said a word as Joel held you for one last time.

Your body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as Joel struggled to lift you into his arms. Your eyes forever unmoving, staring up at him with a ghostly film falling upon your once vibrant irises. Your body grew cold. Colder than the temperatures outside and the skin around your lips was fading blue. Your time living on earth's hell hole was over.

“Who fuckin’ shot her.” Joel’s tone was deep and threatening as he trudged through the snow with your deceased form limp in his arms. “WHO FUCKIN’ SHOT HER?!?!” His voice cracked as fresh tears began to fall and land along your icy skin.

“ILL FUCKIN’ KILL—”

Tommy was already hopping down from his horse to attempt to console his wrecked brother.

The man who shot you was known to be trigger happy. He only acted on impulse when you had moved to shove Joel away. He was already riding far far away from the scene when he realized what he had just done.

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME TOMMY!” Joel used the strength he had left to shove his brother away from him.

Tommy’s own heart broke when he witnessed Joel struggle to secure your deceased body onto your horse. All the younger Miller Brother could do was watch, and the image that laid before him would never leave his mind.

The only two people to attend your funeral were Joel and Ellie. He dug your grave in the town's cemetery. It took hours due to the ground being so hard and frozen. Ellie was there for emotional support. She might have never met you, but you meant something to her dad, and she wanted to be there for him in those final moments.

He laid your wrapped body into the cold dark earth below. His body had spent all of his tears, but that didn’t stop the physical dry sobs to part from his soul. He pressed a kiss to your covered head, whispering that he would once see you again. Your headstone was hand carved in stone by him, and when it was all said and done, Joel and Ellie stood above your grave, arms wrapped loosely around one another as her head gently rested along his shoulder.

“Who..was she to you, dad?” Ellie softly asked.

Joel slowly looks over at his daughter, his lips curving up into a gentle smile. He inhales, exhales with a puff of cold air departing his lips, “just someone I used to know, a long time ago, kiddo.”

Joel Miller had finally let you go.

Tagging people I think will enjoy! @chaotic-mystery @cavillscurls @morning-star-joy @sinsofsummers @cupofjoel @thetriumphantpanda @dinsdjrn @darkroastjoel @korynnekorynne @kirsteng42

[writersblockedx]

Loose Ends: Chapter One

Chapter One: Insects

Based off - Episode One Pairing - Joel Miller x Fem!Reader Warnings - General violence, language, a good bit of angst  Words - 6.3k

A/n - Hello! Welcome to my the last of us rewrite! I wasn’t sure whether or not I was going to write this as I’ve never tried to start a rewrite without having watched the full series first. I’m hopping everything I’ve planned for the reader’s character works out and I hope you enjoy it!

⇨ Next Chapter Read on: AO3 Wattpad

Masterlist

There was a hasher side to having the job Y/n did. But, the bad things were lucky they didn't weigh out the good. She had a job that not many could replace. At least, not yet. She may not occupy the great muscle that soldiers did but she held knowledge above a college level. Without, any sort of school system left standing, Y/n was a rarity many had fought over. Though, she found herself settled in Boston for the last ten years.

A very long, a very complicated ten years.

She wiped the used needle, putting it back in its box of the remaining free that they had no choice but to keep using over and over. The woman turned, halted by the figure standing in the doorway between the hall and her makeshift office. She shifted and her expression turned sour as a huff fell from her lips, "I thought you were avoiding me."

Joel was leant against the door frame, hands in his pockets ever so lazily. "Apparently Doctor Davis is unavailable." He informed as his gaze guided along her. "And I'm in need of pharmaceutical resources."

She shook her head, "Doctor Davis was demoted because he failed inventory. Lost some painkillers and couldn't explain it. We came to the conclusion a smuggler was behind it." The man tensed. "Whatever it is you want Joel, I'm not helping you."

"What about a check-up?" He pressed.

"You want a check-up?" She gestured to a group behind him, analysing some lab work, yet they lacked the lab coat that hung around Y/n's shoulders. "Get one of the junior doctors to do it for you."

Joel glanced back at them and scoffed, "You mean your little science projects?" He raised a brow which seemed to taunt the woman.

She walked from the middle of the room towards the door. And even with him towering over her, her stern expression didn't dare to break. "I'm not giving you anything, I'm not helping you. So whatever has brought you here after a year, I can't do-"

"It's Tommy." He interjected, his gaze falling down to meet hers. Her lips shut. "Its been three weeks. He hasn't responded."

Y/n thought on it for a moment but the second her eyes met with Joel's, he knew it was a lost cause. "That's got nothing to do with me anymore, just like you don't."

He peered behind him, catching sight of the working group once again. He looked back and leaned in slightly, his words only a hushed whisper, "I know you don't owe me anything, but-"

"You're right." She cut him off like her tongue were a knife. "I don't owe you anything. I'm sure you or Tess will figure something out." It took Y/n a lot, but she looked him in the eye and she swore all she could see was a flicker of a memory she had forced herself to forget. "Now, if you don't mind, I've got somewhere to be."

But Joel nodded and took the rejection in his stride as he turned his back to her and exited the building.

Y/n wasn't lying. She had somewhere to be. Somewhere she needed to be desperately in fact. She left the building with a bag of her usual medical supplies. This was her third time sneaking around in the last week; she was surprised no guards had started to catch on. Then again, as Joel had once put, the white lab coat she wore seemed to open every door and drew any attention away from her.

She took the same route. Though, as organised with Marlene, never the same time. Y/n's lab coat couldn't quite hide her from everything, she still had to be smart. She slipped into the Fireflies building, unnoticed and, seemingly, safely.

There were a few people dotted around, all of them tightly focused on their individual tasks.Y/n didn't have to walk far until coming across Marlene, likely planning within the space of her own head. "Hey," The woman greeted, wandering around the table where maps were laid out. She jolted a little, only settling when her gazed settled on Y/n. "Jesus, what's up with you?"

Marlene huffed as she looked back to the papers scattered beneath her, "Got some new resources coming in before we move." She informed.

"Since when did that put you on edge?" The other girl questioned.

She finally pulled her gaze from her maps, finding her palms settling on her hips. "Since it's a new smuggler whose delivering."

Y/n nodded her head in realisation, "Ah, right." She uttered before her eyes pulled to a door situated across from them. "You spoke to her yet?"

Marlene looked to the door too, "Yeah. Once we get this stuff, we're gone." Y/n met the gaze of her friend and found a glint of regret surged through her pupils. "You can still come if you want."

She flashed an apathetic smile, "You know I can't." As much as she may have wished she could. "I'm the only doctor they've got left in this zone."

"What happened to Davis?"

Y/n could have laughed. In fact, she almost did, "Helping Joel smuggle painkillers." By the expression Marlene wore, she wasn't all that surprised by such. "I'd go with you if I could, but you can get her out of here and you keep her safe better than anyone else ever could."

Marlene shifted in her stance, her expression softening, "You can still come with us. We'll find somewhere with better medical supplies, somewhere that's safe-"

"Marlene," The girl cut in. "Nowhere is 100% safe, I think here is the best place for me." She went on, taking a cautious step forward as her voice lowered, suddenly aware of the ears which could be listening in. "There will be other scientists, other medics, whatever you need will be out there to maybe do something." She assured.

"We'll miss you." She sent a smile which was easily returned.

"I know." Y/n was already walking out the room as she continued, "How long have I got to do vitals?"

"Dealer should be here in five."

Y/n nodded in understanding and fully turned, heading for the room Ellie was still stuck in. As she had been doing for two weeks now, the girl entered the room with her bag of medical supplies and a smile she hoped would comfort the kidnapped girl. Ellie wore the same clothes she came in. Yet, now, she was freed from the chain which once kept her here, along with having her bag returned to her.

At the sound of the door opening, Ellie stood, relaxing only a little when Y/n walked further into the room. "You're still here." She observed with knitted brows as if she hadn't expected it.

Y/n unzipped her bag, pulling out the damaged and remaining supplies she had. "What? You miss me?"

"That lady-" She gestured her head towards the doorway.

"Marlene?" Y/n questioned.

To which, Ellie nodded and continued, "Said I was leaving. I wasn't expecting the FEDRA doctor to come with me."

"I'm not coming with you." She broke to the younger girl.

Something of which seemed to insight panic, "You're not?"

Still, with that comforting smile which wasn't doing a brilliant job, Y/n shook her head. "I can't." She started walking further into the room. "Come on, sit, I still need to check your vitals before you go."

Ellie wasn't certain but she took to the floor as Y/n did. The woman reached for the blood pressure machine and as she always did, she turned to find Ellie had already rolled up her sleeve. "What will you do now then?" Inquired the girl.

Y/n didn't look away as she strapped the machine around her arm, turning it on as it started to squeeze against her skin. "Nothing different." She answered mindlessly.

She waited until the machine relaxed around her arm before continuing, "You know they tell stories about you at military school."

The older woman barely looked up from jotting down the results as she answered, "And do you bother to believe them?"

Ellie shrugged, "Some are a bit far-fetched." She thought aloud with a hum as Y/n reached for a thermometer. And, as had become routine, Ellie looked to the side as Y/n scanned her ear. "Mainly the ones that call you a murderer."

She chuckled, "And what are they becoming in military school I wonder." The thermometer beeped and Y/n pulled it back. Once again, noting down the results. "I wish I could come with you, you know." She admitted.

"Then why don't you?"

Y/n thought on it for a moment. She thought about avoiding the answer all together but that curious glint in Ellie's eyes seemed to insight her. "Because them stories you've heard, they travel further then your little military school."

The younger girl was about to give a reply when the mutterings from outside the door got louder. At first, Y/n wasn't going to pay much attention to them. That was until she caught the words woven between the sudden sharp tones. "This wasn't what we agreed." Yelled Marlene.

A sickening scoff was sounded, "Oh, was it not?" Taunted another voice. Y/n wasn't certain, but she made an assumption it was the new smuggler. Obviously not one to be trusted by the sound of things.

She glanced back to Ellie who was listening just as intently as she were. "Stay here." Y/n instructed.

Ellie watched with wide eyes as the woman slowly crept closer to the doorway, keeping low to the floor as to not give away her location. Well, more importantly, as to not give away Ellie's location. She peered her head around the doorway, lucky to find most backs faced her. The smuggler and his fellow guard dogs were talking to Marlene and a few other loitering fireflies.

"Look, I don't know what your plan is here, but either you're going to get what we actually agreed on or we're gonna have a problem." Said Marlene.

She scanned the various smugglers. Their ripped and ragged clothes. And then the pistols which hung from their belts, accompanied with shivs and other blades. A part of her worried for the woman who was facing the group, but Y/n knew Marlene could handle herself. And while she was certain Ellie could too, she took the decision to protect her.

With a sharp inhale, Y/n delicately pressed the door shut, holding her back against it. She met Ellie who had still yet to move from her spot. "You got a gun in that backpack of yours?" She questioned, quietly, gesturing to the bag which was near the girl.

The girl didn't speak. Instead, she rummaged through the bag and pulled out a very small pocket knife. Not a gun, not a dagger, just a small, blunt pocket knife. Y/n could have sworn they were dead there and then.

"I don't think that's how this is gonna work!" Snapped the male voice, immediately followed by the sound of gunshots.

Y/n stiffed and her gaze jumped to Ellie. She gestured her head for the girl to come next to her. She followed, scurrying across the wooden floor as her back leant aginst the door like Y/n's did.  The sounds of bodies getting hit and thrown jumbled with groans of pain. Y/n reached out her palm as Ellie passed the only thing they had to protect themselves. She had no plan on moving from this room. She would wait it out. The only problem which plagued her was if they dared to look in the locked room.

Alas, long moments passed of holding their breath before the gun shots dwindled out. The sound of movement was limited to the sound of body's dropping and suddenly, the only noise from outside their room was the mumbles and groans that Y/n struggled to make out. "Is it over?" Whispered Ellie from her side.

The younger girl was looking up at her for assurance that she was unable to give. So Y/n kept her gaze to the floor as she focused on every sound she could catch. "I don't know yet."

The groaning continued and Y/n thought about escaping the comfort of the room which was keeping them hidden. Then came the footsteps. More than just a pair and that was enough to keep her body and Ellie's behind the door. "Shit," She heard Marlene curse. Another voice replied in a soothing tone which told her the girl was safe.

"It's Marlene." Ellie noted, worry glazing her pupils as the two looked to one another.

"I know." Y/n huffed.

"Well, aren't we going to do something?"

The expression written over the woman's face gave Ellie her answer. She wasn't going to do something. Not yet, anyway. So in an act of desperation, Ellie snatched her pocket knife back and busted the door open.

"Ellie, don't!" Her voice screeched. Y/n scurried to her feet, attempting to grasp the young girl, but she had slipped from her fingers.

Though by the time the words had slipped from her tongue, Ellie had been thrown to the floor again and Y/n found herself faced with the barrel of a gun. A gun that was held by Joel Miller. "Y/n?" Questioned Joel as if he didn't quite believe it.

And, in a similar fashion, she did the same, "Joel?" Their eyes both snapped to the end of the hallway where Marlene was stumbling with a gunshot wound, held in a steady position by Kim.

Then Y/n's eyes jumped to Ellie and her expression simply read: Told you so. Y/n looked passed the gun that was still held at her head, "Ellie? You okay?" She asked, glancing between the weapon and the teenage girl.

She hummed something along the lines of a, "Yeah." before reaching out for the pocket knife, almost bruising her fingers as Joel stepped on it, keeping it from use.

"Ellie." Called Marlene. At first, the girl seemed too captivated with sending a death glare to Joel that she hadn't dared to turn away. "Ellie." Marlene repeated, more stern and forceful than before, prompting her to finally look away.

Her eyes found Marlene's face first, then they jolted to the blood which was drowning her t-shirt. "Oh, shit!"

Marlene hovered a hand in front of her as if silently saying it was okay. "No, it's okay. I'll be alright." She lowered her gun. "You can't be stupid like this."

"Trust me," Y/n spoke up. "I'd tried to stop her." The two were like scolding parents with a disruptive child.

Y/n only caught a glance, but a glance was enough to process the puzzled, tender emotion that was painted over Joel's face. Even if he had yet to move that gun from her. "So this is who Robert screwed us over with?" Came another voice as they rounded the corner: Tess. "The Che Guevara of Boston and the FEDRA medic turned firefly?" She scoffed as if it were laughable. "War must be going pretty shitty for you to buying from scumbags like him."

Y/n found her eyes rolled but her lips stayed tied shut while Marlene replied, "Yeah, it kinda has been. Merch was bad and he didn't take fuck off for an answer." Which would explain the voices her and Ellie had overheard before the gunshot started.

"What about you?" Y/n's gaze jumped between Joel and Tess. "The hell are you doing here?"

Tess snapped back before Joel could, "None of your business."

"Give me my knife." Demanded the voice from below.

The voice of which had been ignored. "What do you need a car battery for?" Joel interrogated.

Ellie moved when she shouldn't have. Maybe the fact she was ignored had prompted her on as she reached for her knife anyway. Thus, leading to the gun once pointed at Y/n to point at her. Marlene and Kim both raised their weapons. And with nothing else, Y/n swiftly pulled the shiv from Joel's belt, swinging it around his throat.

It hovered over his skin just as the gun hovered over Ellie's forehead. "Don't point it at her." She stated in a slow, firm tone which had seemed to send a shiver down Joel's spine.

He didn't dare move. So he gave a harsh whisper in reply, "Then where the fuck am I meant to point it?"

"I don't care." She said. "Just not at her."

So, with that, Joel's hand moved. Rather than point to Marlene or Kim, Y/n felt it prod below her ribs. Sharp and prominent that it made the thought of breathing fearsome. "Why do you need the car battery?" He asked again.

This time, Y/n felt obliged to answer, "For a much better reason than you do." He pushed the gun further into her skin and she tensed.

Luckily, Marlene swept in to continue, "Tommy's just one man." She felt the gun relax slightly at the mention of Joel's brother. "It's our business to know things."

"To know things." The man reiterated. "You're the cause of it. You turned my own brother against me."

"Not the only reason." Y/n mumbled, expecting that to cause Joel to push the gun against her skin again. Alas, it seemed to just keep his lips sewn shut.

Within the silence, Kim brought everyone back to current matters at hand, "That was a lot of gun fire. FEDRA's gonna be on their way." As if they didn't already have enough to deal with.

"I know." Marlene nodded.

Y/n looked over Joel's shoulder, "What do we do now?" It was obvious Marlene was stuck in a thought. A thought of which she didn't seemed to like. "Marlene?"

She sighed but let on such thought, "We were going to move Ellie out of the zone tonight. But we won't make it anywhere like this. Not for a while." She explained. "So now I'm thinking, you're gonna do it."

The shock from both parties encouraged them to pull away as the shiv left Joel's neck and the gun left Y/n's ribs. Spontaneously, together, there came a chorus of negative responses:

"What? Marlene-"

"I'm not going with them!"

"The hell we are."

Glances were shared between the three of them; all of which opposed this very stupid idea. "Who is she?" Tess inquired, considering this deal.

"To you, she's cargo." Suppose that was how they were sure to look at this.

"We don't smuggle people." Said Joel.

Kim looked over at Marlene and offered, "I can do it."

That was instantly shut down by the wounded woman, "Kim you don't have a fucking ear on your fucking head." And that plan went out the window just as quickly as it had come in. "There's a team of fireflies waiting for her at the old State House. We were going with a whole squadron for that very reason. But now I don't have a squadron or a truck. FEDRA's five minutes away. What I do have is you."

Maybe it was practical, but it was still a stupid idea with how delicate they must handle this situation. "Why can't Y/n take me?" Ellie queried.

Tess had scoffed at the idea of that as she stared at the doctor, "Because she's got no idea how to survive without these walls which keep her precious prestige."

She could only reply to Tess with a deadly glare that did nothing. But as she looked back to Joel, she spoke up, "I know what you're both capable off." A glint passed through the man's eyes that she couldn't pinpoint. "For better or for worse."

"What are they capable of?" Came that vulnerable voice from below.

Y/n's gaze flickered to Ellie before back to Joel, "We can give you what you need to find Tommy, not just the battery."

Marlene backed that up, "Just get her to that house safely."

It seemed they were on the brink of a deal when Ellie had to throw in a curve ball. "I'm not going without one of you." She was peering over at Marlene and Y/n, that worry still lingering in her pupils which sparked guilt.

"I'll just slow you down." Marlene pointed out, still having that gushing red pool at the fabric of her shirt.

So then eyes landed to Y/n. The automatic answer of 'I can't' didn't seem to follow. Not when she was facing Ellie's desperation to feel secure with someone she could trust. And it took her a long moment before she sucked it up, "Okay, I'll go with you." She decided.

"Y/n-" Marlene was about to remind her of what she already knew, about what could be awaiting her out there if she wasn't careful.

"It's okay." Y/n assured.

"Well this will be a first." Critiqued Tess. Again, something that had earnt her a glare from Y/n as she was left with nothing else to respond with.

The couple soon met eyes, Joel nodding his head before they trailed over to have a silent conversation. Y/n took that as her chance to move over to Ellie, handing the knife back over to her. "Talk it through but please remember I'm bleeding out over here!" Yelled Marlene.

That seemed enough to draw their ever so important conversation to a close. "Alright, here's the deal." Tess started as she spun on her heels to face the group. "The three of us will get her to your crew at the state house but before we hand her over, they give us everything that we want. If not, we kill her. There and then." As in true Tess fashion.

And, almost too quickly, "Deal." Agreed Marlene.

"Really?" Ellie uttered. "That fast?"

"You are all that matters." Marlene said. "My team will not jeopardise that."

Y/n helped the girl back up to her feet, "Come on, lets get your stuff." She gave one more glance to Joel and Tess before wandering back into the room.

Ellie grabbed her backpack and Y/n stuffed her medical supplies back into her bag. By the time they exited the room, Marlene was by the doorway, offering a pistol to Y/n. "Just in case." She uttered.

She glanced between the weapon and the woman who had grown to become her friend. "Do I get one?" Ellie beamed.

In synch, they both snapped back, "No." Before Y/n took the offer, shoving it in the waistband of her jeans.

"You stay safe out there." Was the last thing Marlene said to her before her and Ellie were trailing behind the smugglers. Joel took one last stare and Y/n overheard Marlene as she practically threatened the man, "Don't fuck this up."

There came no reply from Joel. Instead, he must have nodded his head and continued on with the rest of them. They tread through the pouring rain. Pace in their step as they walked against the curfew. Ellie was smart. Any whiff of a solider and she had her face hidden. Right up until they entered an apartment complex.

Tess led the way, stopping at what Y/n assumed to be their apartment, unlocking it. She slipped in first and held the door open. Ellie wandered in first, her curious eyes translating between this new surrounding. And Y/n followed her. Which was when Tess moved. "Give us a minute." She stepped back through the doorway, and before either of them could realise what was happening, the door was slammed right in their faces.

"What the fuck!" Exclaimed the young girl, while Y/n found it to be expected. Tess had never particularly warmed to her.

Ellie huffed as her back hit the wall. Y/n took further steps into this apartment that wasn't her own, but seemed to have speckles of her memory. Most memories which had Joel attached to them. The blanket they had once shared, the old board games she had been adamant they kept, the books which words were rich, but their pages were lacking in such as they started to tear. As Y/n kept walking, her eyes fell to the paper insect that hung by the window.

The cutout butterfly glistened against the street lights, it's colours reflecting into the room. It was a haunting memory of someone Y/n was still certain came as a comfort to Joel. "Do you trust them?" Ellie questioned, finally moving from the wall she had once been leaning against.

Y/n peered away from the butterfly, "I trust Joel's need to find his brother." Their voices still lingered outside. When the girl looked to Ellie, she was sat in a deadpanned expression, urging for more information. To which, Y/n obliged. "For now, I trust them. I'll let you know if it changes."

Ellie started snooping herself. Though, not for what parts of her might still linger in this room, but for what she could use as leverage. Something better than a blunt pocket knife, she hoped. "How do you know 'em?" She wondered as her fingertips tranced a bookshelf by the window.

"Old friends." Y/n uttered and Ellie hummed in response as if she didn't quite believe her but didn't bother to pester further into the topic.

"Tess!" Yelled Joel's voice from the other side of the wall. Y/n turned, facing the door which was still closed on them. Then she looked to Ellie who was flicking through a music book. "Tess!" He repeated.

Soon after, he entered the room, clearly not in any better of a mood. He threw his bag to the side and headed for the couch without muttering a woad. "So?" Ellie spoke up. "Who's Bill and Frank?"

His eyes widened slightly before meeting Y/n who had seated herself in the armchair by the window. "Didn't I tell you she's good at eavesdropping?" The woman raised a brow.

Ellie continued on: "The radios a smuggling code, right?"

Again, Joel looked to Y/n for an answer. "Or that's she catches on quickly?"

"60s song they don't have anything new, 70s they've got new stuff." She went on, reading from a note tucked into the thick book. Joel stood from the coach. "What's 80s?"

He snatched it from her hold and threw it to the battered coffee table which was somehow still standing. Then he returned back to the coach, getting comfy against the fabric once again. Y/n was just about to turn her head to the window, when Ellie piped up again. "What are you doing?" She was standing over Joel.

"Killing time." He said without taking a peak back at her.

"Well what am I suppose to do?" She snapped.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out."

Ellie spun, facing Y/n who didn't have any excuse for Joel's unwelcoming ways. She took the book back, dragging a chair over to where Y/n was sitting. "Your watch is broken." She pointed out as if Joel were unaware.

That time, his eyes pulled open, meeting Y/n. They both thought the same thing but neither of them made a move to voice it. Ellie huffed harshly as she sat down, "Why were you friends with him again?" She asked.

Y/n stole one more peak at the man who had shut his eyes again, though was still obviously listening, and she chose it best not to answer. Her gaze pulled to the window as she attempted to wash away the thoughts of the day. She wasn't sure yet if she had just made the worse decision she could, but leaving this zone was the biggest risk she could possibly take. Only time would tell if that risk was going to come back to haunt her.

Hours must have passed. The sun set and curfew was soon enforced. Ellie had shut the song book and joined Y/n in staring out the window like it was the most entertaining thing in the world. Somewhere along the lines, Joel stared to stir back awake. Ellie noticed first, "You mumble in your sleep."

Y/n turned her head, confused as she expected Ellie to be talking to her, only to find her eyes centred on Joel. The man pulled himself up and the young girl continued on with her words, "I've never been on the other side of the wall. Look how dark it is. You guys go out there a lot?"

"I guess." Joel answered, still in between the state of dreams and consciousness.

"When was the last time?"

His eyes flickered to Y/n before he said anything, "A year. Maybe." He shook his head, seeping into a different topic, "What's it matter?"

Ellie shrugged, "You know where to go. So were gonna be okay?"

Silence passed and neither of the adults in the room knew how to answer that question. It seemed a matter of false hope or reality. "Yeah," Y/n finally uttered. "We'll be fine." Or so she prayed they would be.

"What's the deal with you anyway?" Queried Joel. "You some kind of bigwigs daughters or something?"

Y/n replied before giving Ellie the chance, "Since when did you ask questions?" She snapped like the words meant something.

Joel shifted at that, standing from the couch in an act of opposition. "Sorry," He spat back. "I won't do it again." Y/n watched as he turned his back to her, wandering over to the kitchen tables. Suddenly, she was wishing she had given the chance for Ellie to speak first, a guiltly feeling burdened her gut that she knew wasn't going away any time soon.

"Oh, the radio came on while you were sleeping." Uttered the younger girl once tension had sizzled slightly.

Joel snapped back around as Y/n scolded her, knowing where this was going, "Ellie-"

But it was no use, "What?" The man rushed. "What was the song?"

"He kept saying like 'wake me up before you go-go'."

Joel looked down, "Shit." He muttered to himself.

And such had ever so easily given him away. A smile tugged at Ellie's lips as she said, "Gotcha." It was with that when Joel finally caught on too. "80s means trouble. Code broken."

"I did warn you." Y/n added.

The man was about to point his finger and scold the girl just like Y/n usually did when the door swung open again. Tess walked in and all three of them stayed silent. "The spot under Lancaster looks good." She informed before pointing to Ellie. "You got a jacket in your pack?" She nodded and then Tess glanced over to Y/n. "What about you, prestige? Got something other than that lab coat?" Her response was a silent one, the answer given to Tess by the expression which was written over her face. "Of course, you haven't."

Joel was already moving as he spoke, "I'll go get you one from the war-"

Some material hit her chest before he could finish.  The man stopped, seeing as Tess had thrown her one from her bag anyway. No one dared to say anything. Y/n slipped from her lab coat to Tess' jacket within the matter of a moment before she announced, "Let's go." And with that, the rather dysfunctional group exited the apartment, uncertain as to when they would return.

The streets were littered more than usual. Soldiers lined the roads, their guns aimed and trucks patrolling the area. Each of them stayed clear of the light, weaving and tangling through the bodies which could easily catch sight of any of them. They were lucky to get so far. Though, once they were outside of the wall, loitering on the outskirts, it may as well not have been worth it.

Tess led the way, turning a corner they didn't realise was going screw them over. "What the hell?" They all stopped at the voice they didn't recognise as one of their own. They turned, a soldier starring at each of them, all while his zipper was undone.

"Shit," Y/n mumbled, instinctively nudging closer to Ellie.

The man scurried to make himself some-what presentable before addressing the group. "Hey, hey! Don't move!" He threatened and they are raised their hands at the sight of the rifle he grasped. And then he uncovered the front of his helmet, "You got to be shitting me."

Y/n looked to Joel; of course, she should have known. "Okay let's talk this out-"

"Turn around!" Suppose he wasn't in a talking mood. "Get on your fucking knees!" He demanded when none one of them moved.

"Now, hold on-" Joel tried again.

And again, he failed. "What did I fucking tell you man? Stay the fuck home."

Y/n glancd to the man, "Glad to know you shared that information with the group." She huffed.

"Get on your knees!" He ordered again.

This time, Tess moved. "Just get on your knees." The woman said. And they followed her, dropping to the dirt and mud. "Listen you let us do this run, we'll split the cards with you."

"Oh, will you?"

She nodded, "Yeah."

But Tesss' plan hadn't worked. He laughed and gave her the sarcastic reply of, "I'm so blessed." Which was followed by, "Put your hands on your head. Eyes forward."

"Really man?" Y/n looked across the line to Tess who was being tested.

Shit. Her eyes widened, soon to meet an equally worrisome Ellie. "Yep." Said the soldier. "We're doing this by the book." The machine beeped and Y/n knew her and Joel were all that stood between Ellie's life and the soldier.

"Alright, how about three-quarters?" Tess still nagged.

"Joel?" Y/n leaned over, her voice low in hopes to not gain the soldier's attention.

He looked between her and Tess a few times before finally listening, "What?"

"Unauthorised exit." Continued the guard.

"I didn't tell you everything." Y/n spoke up to Joel, lucky the guard was too focused on the beeping machine in front of him.

Joel's brows became knitted, struggling to follow her words in such dire situation. "They'll hang you for that." Informed the soldier as he moved behind the man.

"Fine!" Said Joel, bypassing Y/n's words for a moment. "Everything from this run and half off on the pills."

The machine beeped, followed by a scoff from the soldier. "Half of?" He reiterated like it was pitiful. He moved to behind Y/n as he responded, "All off!"

Y/n slowly brought her eyes to meet the man next to her. Her pupils empty as she knew what awaited them. And in that moment of complete uncertainty, she could only say one thing. "Joel." Her words were drowning in the type of fear he had only ever heard her say once before. And that's when he realised something was truly wrong.

The machine beeped behind her head before the soldier moved on to Ellie. Y/n couldn't take another breath. Not until she heard the soldier groan and stumble. The four stood to their feet, watching as the blunt pocket knife was soon shoved into the man's thigh. "Ellie!" Y/n snapped.

And while the girl had lept for Ellie, Joel lept for the guard. The rifle was soon pointed right at him. "Woah woah, we can fix this." Said Joel in the calmest tone he could muster in that moment.

The soldier gave one order: "Move."

And Joel didn't listen to it. He jumped forward, tackling him to the ground. The rifle was thrown to one side. Once given the upper hand, Joel started punching. And punching. He didn't stop until the breath from the guard's mouth did.

He slowed. He realised. And then he rose, turning to face what was left. Y/n was holding Ellie who seemed curious at the violence which had occurred. Not scared, just curious. He looked up and down between that sight and his bloody hand. There were thoughts plaguing his mind. Enough that  it had pulled Y/n forward, as softly, she called, "Joel?"

It was more of a question, a prompt for assurance which wasn't given in return. She stepped closer to him until he was only looking at her. "Are you okay?"

He never got the chance to answer. "Joel! Joel!" Screamed a panicked voice from behind them.

Tess was showing the machine, the blinking red machine which meant infected. "I'm not sick!" Ellie claimed.

"Tess, you don't get it." Y/n went on as she jumped to protect Ellie once again.

"Look!" The younger girl yelled, rolling up her sleeve and the wound which painted her forearm. "This is three weeks old!" Tess inspected it herself. "Nobody lasts more than a day. This look a day old to you?"

Y/n went on to add, "You have to trust us Tess. Why else would the fireflies and a doctor be working together?" Tess seemed to be coming around to the idea. "Why are we all trying so hard to keep her fucking safe? Huh? We need to go, alright?"

The sirens made clear of that plan of action. Y/n took a hold of Ellie and Tess started to lead the way once again. "Joel!" Y/n yelled and the man glanced at her. "Come on, we gotta go!"

It took him a moment. He stared between the body and the girls which were already leaving before he started walking, grabbing the rifle as he did so. He joined the side of the woman he once loved as they followed the one he did love and the dead girl walking.

--

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[indianamoonshine]

࿐ folklore | joel miller x reader songfic | track 1 ❅ epiphany

summary | while out on patrol, there is a crack in both joel and the ice.

rating | this particular chapter rated t. minors are still not allowed to interact.

warnings | mention of drowning, death, and hypothermia. angst. revelation of feelings. joel is an emotional vault but tommy knows better.

TAGLIST | @stagerightlauren @paanchusblog @lunxramour @casualanxietyblob

࿐

“Keep your helmet. Keep your life, son. Just a flesh wound. Here’s your rifle.”

Joel remembers the first time he saw someone drown.

Wasn’t even a year after the outbreak. He’d been traveling with Tommy and some strangers they met on an abandoned interstate. The way of life had yet to become something of an instinct for them. During this time, they were more prey than predator, and they had little to no knowledge of life outside the south.

The Miller boys had only seen snow once or twice in their lives. No one in their family had ever moved outside of Texas being as big as it was. Tommy had gone into the service, but Iraq had a climate similar to the desert back home. Snow and ice were something of mythical elements they read about in stories and saw in films.

This is why they didn’t see it coming.

“Crawlin’ up the beaches now. ‘Sir, I think he’s bleeding out.’ And some things you just can’t speak about.”

One of the men they’d been trekking across the midwestern landscape with (Joel can’t remember his name even if he tried his damndest) miscalculated the snowfall. It’d been only seconds before the lake he stepped across crumbled beneath him and claimed his life. Ever since then he’s been cautious of frozen bodies of water — even a little frightened of them — but it didn’t stop him from taking the risk every time.

Joel knew for a fact you weren’t a hunter even if he’d only known you for a few months. It didn’t take a damn genius to come to the conclusion that you were far better off as a farmer or…anything other than this. You know how to handle a gun (you had to in order to survive this long) but it wasn’t your strong suit. You were a little off-kilter and fuckin’ jumpy.

How you were still alive he hasn’t the slightest.

Joel had been staring at the back of your head for hours. Tommy led this patrol so he hung back for stalkers. The infected weren’t as active in the winter, especially in such wilderness. The climate causes them to shut down or somethin’ — he didn’t know the science. Just knew that they weren’t around as often when the snow fell.

But while the infected were occasional, winter brought upon other challenges.

Like the freezing temperatures that chilled his bones and bit at his appendages; the snow that clouded his vision and made it difficult to start fires or walk the miles he needed to; and the ice that made fools out of men.

Tommy had crossed it fine, the lake. It wasn’t very big but underneath Joel knew of a bitter current that had little to no forgiveness. The patrol goes in this direction once in awhile, though not often in the wintertime for this very reason. Joel, being as skeptical of lakes as he was, made sure to note its raging waters in the summer. As a survivalist (cynic), he was already prepared for disaster.

For this reason, he waits until Tommy gives the two of you the go-ahead to make a decision.

“It’s good to cross!” Tommy shouts from the other side. He waves a hand to usher you forward.

Joel can see it plain on your face that you’re terrified. You’d only patrolled once before now, but he was certain you were used to the unforgiving climate after so many years of survival before Jackson. He also recalls you mentioning being from the midwest, so he assumed you had enough knowledge of these conditions to accept Tommy’s decision.

You take a deep breath, something changing in your face. He realizes then that you’re good at faking bravery — you just chose not to.

They say fear is an evolutionary response to potential danger.

Joel wishes you had listened to that gut instinct.

“With you, I serve. With you, I fall down.”

You’re barely two feet across the sheet of ice before it crackles beneath your weight. Joel barely has time to register your expression of terror before he’s falling to his knees to crawl upon the lake’s mirror.

“Shit - Joel!” Tommy yells.

Joel doesn’t answer, focusing on shifting his weight just right so that he doesn’t plunge into the depths himself. He can see your shadow beneath the ice, a struggling form that pounds furiously at the frozen sheet above you. He can’t even imagine the panic you must be experiencing now but he attempts to settle his nerves because…

He’d get you out of this. He had to.

It was because of Ellie. She had taken a liking to you in the past year. You were kind to her — showed her how to bake lavender cookies this summer. You welcomed her into your home like you would any member of your family, tutoring her on all kinds of subjects that Joel couldn’t — nor shouldn’t. Ellie needed a woman in her life. You’d become that woman.

It took Joel too long to meet you. He found that he liked you quite a bit himself.

But it was because of Ellie, right?

Yes. Ellie.

He didn’t ever think about the way your eyes shone during golden hour — how they twinkled with a natural aesthetic he didn’t even find in nature. He rarely thought about the length of your hair — how you preferred to keep it braided during the warmer months and down in the cooler opposites. He wasn’t at all distracted by the snowflakes that landed upon your nose while they saddled the horses before going out this morning or how the frigid air blushed the apples of your cheeks.

While he hadn’t known much about you (he’s wanted to — yearned to, but he’s a goddamned pansy) he knew you were something special. Something sweet in a world riddled with rotting flesh and melting tar.

Besides, you were far too young to die.

Yes. Too young to die.

He convinces himself this is why he immediately jumps into action. He’s careful in his ministrations to rescue you, every ounce of strength he has to be clever rather than urgent. Joel figured his decades of fighting would get the job done quickly and with level-headedness. But when he finally manages to grab you from an open pocket within the ice — forty feet from where you initially fell — his hands are trembling.

“Joel! Is she breathin’?!” Tommy yells frantically.

“Watch you breathe in. Watch you breathing out.”

Joel grunts with exertion, dragging your limp and sopping body across the ice and onto the snow covered banks. Once the two of you are out of danger, he finds with horror that…

No. You’re not breathing.

This is when he starts to panic.

“Something med school did not cover. Someone’s daughter. Someone’s mother.”

He thinks of Sarah. It’s an inopportun time to be doing so but he can’t help but see her lifeless body when he looks at yours. The same thing had happened when Ellie drowned before they found the Fireflies in Salt Lake City. Youth quickly deteriorates before him, the Grim’s mangled hand on his shoulder.

“No,” he mutters, shaking his head. “No.”

Joel is a stubborn man and this might be why he’s lived as long as he has. He’s lost too many people. He won’t loose you — not before he had you.

With fumbling hands, he rips away at your drenched clothing which already stiffens from the extreme temperature to check your pulse. He discovers in horror that you have none.

“Fuck. Fuck!”

“Joel! What’s goin’ on, dammit?!” Tommy screams from across the river. It sounds muffled, like he’s underwater himself.

“Holds your hand through plastic now. ‘Doc, I think she’s crashing out.’ And some things you just can’t speak about.”

He begins CPR after unzipping your coat with frantic hands, the heel of his palm inching into your chest the way he’s done so many times before. After a few minutes, he starts mouth to mouth.

It’s not the way he first wanted to touch you.

Instead of a kiss, it’s the attempt at a breath of life.

Your body jostles beneath his endurance, of his precarious attempt at saving your life. Your mouth hangs open like a fish, lips already turning blue, and skin blanching. Images of Sarah — and of Ellie — plague his vision. He thinks of Tess’s body sponging her own blood as she lie dead in the courthouse.

After about five minutes — it felt like hours — he feels the muscles in your legs twitch. You garble, ice water expelling from your lips and onto your chest before gasping for air.

Precious air.

“Jesus,” he whispers in relief, tugging your body close to his chest.

You continue to pant in his arms, body still rigid in shock, before two of you sag in one another’s embrace. Your arms lie limp at your sides from lack of strength. You’re not even shivering — not even crying.

Joel pets your hair, his palm cradling the back of your head. “You’re alright, darlin’. You’re fine…” he whispers.

You nod weakly, eyes slipping shut.

You’re alright.

࿐

Tommy sees something defeated in Joel when the medics take you.

Fortunately, they hadn’t been too far away so it was only an hour before they reached Jackson. Joel had instructed you to take off your clothing and wrap yourself in the wool blankets they’d brought along. The patrol was intended to be much longer than this so they were well prepared for any inconveniences.

Even death.

“Only twenty minutes of sleep but you dream of some epiphany.”

This was what you’d been the verge on when they galloped to the gates with thundering hooves. Accounting for the weather, it should’ve taken them three hours to get back - it usually took two during the summer when rain was their only concern. But Joel rode Old Beardy hard; Tommy was concerned the damn thing would fall over from exhaustion.

But they made it in the knick of time. Joel shouted for help while you slump against his back, your horse Bucephalus galloping alongside of his like the loyal steed he was. You were mumbling something incoherent against him and he shushed you as he slid you off into his arms.

“Help!” Joel’s tone broke something down in Tommy’s chest cavity. “I need a goddamn medic!”

They’d been quick to take you. Joel’s fingers lingered against your shivering form as he passed you along to Kevin, one of the younger boys in town. They exchanged a few words before Joel urged him with a stern growl to get going.

“Just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen.”

When she’s gone, he rubs his hands down his face and sags against the horse barn. His chest heaves with heavy breath, eyes shut tightly as though he’s seeing ghosts long gone.

Tommy didn’t have to imagine.

Sarah. Ellie.

“With you, I serve. With you, I fall down.”

Tess was more likely to be the answer. After all, Tommy knew his brother had feelings for the woman. She was rough around the edges, but Joel usually liked them that. He did back then, anyway. His first wife — a spider in every sense — was difficult to say the very least. Joel liked a challenge.

“Watch you breathe in. Watch you breathing out.”

You weren’t anything like them. This is why Tommy finds it so strange when Joel takes a moment to collect himself, clears his throat, and turns towards the horses like it never even happened.

“Almost lost her,” he mutters.

Yes. Tommy knew then. This wasn’t about Ellie. This wasn’t even about Sarah. He was no father figure to you.

This was different — you were different.

[armandisdaddy]

Siren Pt.2-Modern! Aemond Targaryen x Fem Reader

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen(Bass Player) x Fem Reader (Lead Singer)

Word Count: 2.3k

Content/Warning: !!🔞PLUS!!, Smut, P in V penetration, Spanking, Ass-play Virginity loss, Ass-Licking, Choking, Balcony, Grinding, Exhibitionism, Degredation and Fluff/Aftercare.

Author’s Notes: Now I know I’ve used “The Summoning” by Sleep Token for inspiration for another fan-fiction of mine (Taste of the Divine). But since I’ve heard this song and recently rewatched HOTD I cannot let go of the fact that this song fits Aemond so well. So I’m using it again for this, in my mind it definitely fits better in this scenario so I hope you enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it. Oh he has a bit of an ass fetish…

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the HOTD characters nor the song being used. They are used only for creative purposes.

After the bands opening night and the events that transpired later on Y/N was conflicted. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t attracted to him or that she didn’t like him. But one thing about band romances is they hardly ever end well and nothing but drama replaces what once was love. They were now touring in Europe; London, England to be exact. Y/N and the crew were riding on their tour bus to their destination. Aegon, Tommy(electric guitar player), their back up singers and Y/N were up front either sleep, on their phones, or singing. Aemond was in his room, he had isolated himself from the group when he did what he did and hadn’t spoken to Y/N since. He was ashamed of himself, he’d never done something so irrational, but she…she did something to him and brought something almost primal out of him.

He figured she’d never want to speak to him again and awaited the worst to come when or if she decided to tell the rest of their bandmates what happened. He decided to finish a song him and the band had record without Y/N. It was actually written for her, but he’d never admit it. Without warning a knock was heard at his door. “Come in..” And in she came slowly finding a place to stand as awkward as it was. “So I wanted to talk about what happened the other night. Why have you been avoiding me? You don’t just come into my room do… those things to me and then pretend I don’t exist.” She was frustrated for several reasons one of them being that she had been try to get that high feeling again and failed miserably every time. The other because she thought he used her for his own pleasure and basically threw her away like some old toy.

She got slightly distracted hearing the song playing and it sounded really good. “Wait who is that singing?” She wondered he sounded familiar and then it finally came to her. “Aemond…that’s you..” he sighed softly closing his laptop and turning to face her completely. “Yeah…me and Aegon were just fucking around. It’s nothing serious…and to answer your question I’ve been avoiding you because I took things too far with you. I should’ve never touched you in that way and you were intoxicated it was shitty of me and I’m sorry. You didn’t speak to me after that night and I just assumed I had gotten the wrong idea.” She huffed and sat at the corner of his bed trying to find the words to say. “I…I wasn’t mad at you…I just…you..you made me feel something I’ve never experienced before and I didn’t know how to say I want more or tell you I like you back.”

“Wait you like me back? So why the fuck did you tell Aegon the kiss between us on stage meant nothing?” She rolled her eyes and sighed laying back on his bed. “Because I didn’t think you liked me and because I know how band relationships end. They are never a good idea to get into…it just makes everything else difficult.” He listened attentively placing a calloused hand on her thigh squeezing softly before he climbed on top of her to give her a kiss.

“Band or no band you’re stuck with me you know that right? And you had Instagram and Twitter going crazy with that kiss. They’ve been what’s the word stanning over us ever since.”She pulled him in making his lips crash into her, but they were quickly interrupted, when Aegon came crashing through the door, eavesdropping obviously. She ducked and rolled off the bed running back to the front of the bus with everyone else. “Hey Bro, Y/N? What the fuck were y’all doing in here?” He mocked them with kissing and moaning sounds laughing at their obvious embarrassment.

It seemed like the bus ride dragged on for hours and finally they were here at the venue and Y/N was super excited for tonight she had something very special planned for tonight’s performance. As usual the concert goers can rushing in, the place was sold out and every seat was filled. This was going to be perfect she thought. She walked out on stage as usual relishing the chants and cheers as her band played behind her. She raised her hand signaling them to stop and she looked to Aemond with a grin on her face. “So everyone I’m sure you all know Aemond. The best damn bass player in King’s Landing!!!”

They all cheered and she laughed calming them to let her speak. “Well, I’ve got a surprise for you and him too. I just learned on my way here that he is multitalented and him and the band recorded a song. And I’ve only heard a few seconds of it so this will be a first for me and you all. So..without further ado, I welcome to the stage Aemond Targaryen!!!!” The crowd went wild chanting his name and he looked to her in horror she walked to him and placed her hands in his ear whispering. “Your going to do great babe.” She kissed his cheek moving in his spot so that he may take hers.

He stood in the spotlight the light was blinding, but he put on a brave face for her and flashed a smile to the crowd. Aegon signaled the group with the clicks of his drumsticks and they began to play and a voice almost angelic left his lips. Leaving Y/N in awe.

I've got a river running right into you

I've got a blood trail, red in the blue

Something you say or something you do

A taste of the divine

You've got my body, flesh and bone, yeah

The sky above, the Earth below

Raise me up again

Take me past the edge

I want to see the other side

See the other side

The crowd loved every second and still he left Y/N speechless. She had heard him messing around before, but she never thought such a beautiful sound could come from him until now. She felt herself being taken away with the music. Is this what love felt like she thought. He looked back to her and she sang background vocal improvising and he winked at her looking back to the crowd as he continued. His mind filled with thoughts of nothing but her as he sang. Calling to her the way his heart did so silently. The songs tone switched and there was a breakdown she had not expected. He walked toward her with his mic in hand and Vhagar on the side of his waist gripping at her hips and pulling her close.

Oh, and my love

Did I mistake you for a sign from God?

Or are you really here to cut me off?

Or maybe just to turn me on

'Cause these days

I would be lying if I told you that

I didn't wish that I could be your man

Or maybe make a good girl bad

I've got a river running right into you

I've got a blood trail, red in the blue

Something you say or something you do

The taste of the divine

You've got my body, flesh and bone

The sky above, the Earth below

Nothing to say and nowhere to go

A taste of the divine

She shuttered feeling his fingers trailing up and down her spine. He pressed his forehead to hers, chest to chest. Her heart skipped, his lips hovering over hers. He pulled away leaving her wanting. She was unbelievably turned on and it was easy to tell. Her pale cheeks were a rich red and her legs rubbed together trying to find some form of friction. He passed the mic to her kissing her forehead before scooting her back into the limelight where she belonged.

Tonight was another successful performance their were already headlines about the two of them from TMZ to MTV. They were sleeping at a hotel tonight due to their fans stalking the tour bus. Y/N gave him her room key and she went up to take a well needed shower. He let himself in and heard the shower running. He found himself looking around the large room. Checking out the large terrace that was attached to her room. A rather tantalizing idea popped into his head. Shortly after she returned from the shower wearing a crop top and black shorts that stop right above the cuff of her cheeks.

He moved in his seat pulling at his pants trying to remain calm, but she made it oh so hard to. He stood to his feet, seeming to levitate toward her. His hands found their place into the dips of her waist. Pulling her into him. “I should have my way with you for that little stunt you pulled, my little siren.” She blushed biting into her rosy bottom lip. She needed to stop before he devoured her very being. “You tease me and your not even trying. Can you feel what you do to me?” He groaned pressing his sweat pants covered hard on against her hip.

His hands slid into the back of her shorts gripping on her round flesh growling at how well it filled his hands. “Perfect..” He spoke in a hushed tone pulling away to look into her eyes. Her eyes low and filled with lust. His lips crashed into hers and she moaned into his mouth, practically melting into his arms. He picked her up by her ass cheeks and carried her out to the terrace where a table and two chair sat. He sat down with her straddling his lap. “I want you to rub your pussy against my dick.” She looked at him with embarrassed expression. “Out here?” He hummed. “Mhmm…” He positioned her perfectly pulling the back of her shorts down to cuff under her cheek. His hungry hands kneeling them like dough. Pushing and pulling them apart the cool air hitting her skin.

Soon she began bucking her hips against him his cock rubbing against her sensitive clit. His left arm wrapping around her to pull her against him and his right laying harsh smacks against her plump ass. She whimpered and moaned, the red tint flushing to her welting skin. He moaned at the sight and bit into her neck; pumping up into her hips. He spanked her until she was sore and sat her on the table pulling her shorts off the rest of the way. The cool feel of the table caused her to shiver.

He looked to her sweetly before flipping her so she stood on all fours and he stayed in his seat. He smiled at the view spreading her cheeks apart seeing the delicate pink flesh of her pussy glistening from the light hitting her slick. He licked his lips like he was starving. But that tight hole of hers was what he really wanted. He buried his face between her ass and his tongue lapped over the tight flesh of her ass her back arched involuntarily. His eyes rolled at the taste of her. She gasped and moaned holding onto the edges of the table his tongue greedily lapping at her ass and dipping into pussy every now and then.

“Gods…you taste so good..” he cooed as she mewled from the sudden suction of her clit. He smacked her ass again letting his thumb rub against the rim around her asshole. While he looked back at the mess she was already making. “Your such a dirty little slut aren’t you? You’re making quite a mess on this table I wonder if anyone can hear you.” He smiled wickedly and turned her to face him. He stood in between her legs pulling his cock from his pants letting the thick head rub between the slit of her gorgeous cunny.

She writhed in pleasure seeing her like this drove him insane he couldn’t take much more. “Are you ready, my love?” She nodded sweetly. “Please, Aemond…I need it…” she whined and he smiled kissing her to dull the pain as he prodded at her entrance slowly letting it give way around him. He buried his head into her neck and gasped. “You feel amazing, little siren.” He stayed still letting her adjust to his length and girth which was above average. She felt like she was going to break, she need him deeper. “M..More…” he looked into her eyes..”More? Well aren’t you greedy are sure you can handle more?” He laced his fingers around her throat giving her the right amount of pressure before he filled her completely.

She winced but moaned her eyes rolling back. “Good girl you take me so well..” He began his assault pumping into her mercilessly her pussy gripping him like a vice with each pull. “Oh fuck..Aemond…” She called out his name like he always imagined. Was this dream? It couldn’t be it felt too real; too good. “That’s it baby let me make you feel good, baby girl. Let the world hear how good I make you feel.”

She grunted like an animal nails digging into his back the knot in her stomach tightening. She was so close to her release, but he popped her thigh denying her of it. “Please, I can’t hold on anymore..” He hushed her “Just a little longer I want us to cum together.” He continued hitting that spongy spot the drove her crazy, feeling her legs trembling uncontrollably. “Come baby cum on my dick, give it to me.” She screamed creaming all over his dick smearing it with her arousal his seed spilled instantly inside her.

The rode out their orgasms and he carried her inside. He showered with her a got her dressed in a large t shirt leaving soft kisses along her lips and neck. He carried her to bed and they spooned for the remainder of the night until they fell asleep.

To be continued…

@pet1t3 @proudlittlewitchbitch @xlaurenlintonx @jadianasithandjedi @ellxpsismm @chainsawangel @aemondslefteyeball @baebunnyxo @ammo23 @valeskafics @boundlessfantasy

[runnning-outof-time]

“Sweetest of the sunflowers, how you’re the sun to me.”

Moodboard inspired by the Zach Bryan song ‘Sun to Me’.

———

This is created for @acewritesfics ‘s 1K follower celebration. I hope you don’t mind that I used a song for inspiration instead of the lovely prompts that you shared with us. Of course, I couldn’t just stop at a moodboard and had to write a little blurb with it…and I may have gotten a little carried away. I’m sorry it took a little bit to post. Enjoy! :)

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

———

Sun To Me - Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: none

Summary: Tommy reflects on his relationship with (Y/N) one morning when she’s made it so he can’t get out of bed.

Tommy rubbed his eyes as he awoke from his sleep. He reached over to his nightstand, blindly groping around for the pocketwatch until he found it. He brought it close to his face and opened it, squinting to see the time: 5:40am. He should get up and start his day. But he couldn’t.

(Y/N) was practically laying on top of him. Her arm was outstretched across his torso, and she was somehow sleeping sideways; with her legs completely on top of his. She was still sleeping, a peaceful smile just barely visible on her lips as she held onto him. Who was he to wake such a beautiful sight?

The fact that she wanted to be with him still surprised him daily. He couldn't quite remember much of the first time he'd seen her. She walked into the Garrison and stepped right into the frame created by the cloud of smoke from his cigarette. She was back in town visiting her family, and her brother had decided to take her out for the night. Their family was good; one of the most respected in town, but yet she still entertained him when he found an empty spot by her side at the bar. He swore that the only bad she'd ever done in her life was seeing the good in him.

The day he learned that she would be staying in Small Heath because of her new job was the day that he decided to ask her to be his girlfriend. She agreed, and she'd been by his side ever since.

They'd gotten through some rough times together. From being by his side when it seemed as though his family was at odds with him, to helping him in any way she could when he was down and out after being injured. She'd seen every side of him. He trusted her more than he did anyone else. Because of this, oftentimes, she was the only one he'd talk to; the only one he'd express his fears and worries to. And she'd actively listen to them...he always respected, and hoped to hear, her thoughts on the matters.

He could always hear his mother in the back of his mind when he was with (Y/N). She'd always used to tell him: 'find someone who grows flowers in the darkest parts of you' and 'you'll find someone, somewhere, someday who grows you to the clouds'. He wished she could be around to see (Y/N) because she's the exact type of woman that she was talking about.

She made all the hell he was going through worth it.

"You're still in bed, Tommy?" she sleepy voice broke him from his thoughts.

"I am," he answered her, turning his head to the side so the he could focus his attention on her, "I really couldn't move, even if I wanted to," he then added, his hand moving underneath the covers so that it could rest on the thigh she had draped over his legs.

(Y/N) gasped at his touch before a bit of a guilty smile formed on her face. "I'm sorry about that," she said, her bashfulness evident in the words she said.

"Don't be," he brushed her apology off, grinning as she scooted even closer to him so that her body was practically squished up against his. He welcomed her actions, squeezing her thigh gently as she settled in again.

"I'm not keeping you from work, am I?" she checked with him.

Of course she was. There was always work to be done. But with the way she was batting her eyelashes and smiling up at him, work was the last thing he had on his mind. "No," he answered her with a slight shake of his head, "you're not."

"You sure?" She knew him better than that.

"You're not," he insisted, bending his head down so that he could kiss her lips softly. He pulled away slightly so that he could speak again, his lips just barely brushing hers as he continued speaking, "I want to spend the morning in bed with you," he said to her, feeling her smile form after he finished speaking.

She pulled away from him so that she could look him in the eyes; her smile was wide enough that it was touching hers. "I'm never going to turn that down," she said to him, scooting in the bed again.

This time she moved her body upwards so that she could properly kiss him, and Tommy made sure to move his hands up to her waist so that he could trap her there and make sure that their kiss lasted for as long as he intended it to.

Neither of the two were unhappy with the fact that they spent the entire morning in bed; sharing lazy kisses as the sun bathed them in its warm light.

———

Tagged: @mgcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @rangerelik @dandelionprints @letal-y-poetica @raincoffeeandfandoms @itscheybaby @gypsy-girl-08 @insanitybyanothername @depxiety @dragons-are-my-favorite @acewritesfics @forgottenpeakywriter @cilliansangel @cljordan-imperium @areyenotfondofmelobster @little-diable

MASTERLIST

[thetriumphantpanda]

Ghost Of You | J. Miller (Chapter 3)

Series Summary / Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. And no-one ever explains the guilt you feel when it isn’t anymore. When it’s just a dull ache and you can finally breathe again, when you can start letting people get close to you again. People like Joel Miller. 

Pairing / Joel Miller x Widow F!Reader

Word Count / 3.7K

Warnings / Descriptions of grief and depression, alcohol consumption but nothing else I can think of.

Series Masterlist / Main Masterlist

The next morning, Joel is hammering on Tommy’s front door as early as is acceptable. It takes him a few minutes to answer the door, frustration written on his face that Joel had interrupted his morning coffee with his wife. 

“You wanna come in?” He asked, “We’ve got enough for an extra mug.” 

Joel accepts, sitting down at the table with Maria whilst Tommy fixes his coffee, “So, to what do we owe the pleasure, brother?” Tommy finally asks when he’s sat back down at the table. 

“What are y’all doin’ tonight?” 

Tommy glances at Maria like any husband does when he’s not sure whether she’s made plans for them or not, she shakes her head, “Nothin’,” Tommy then answers, “Why?” 

Joel takes a deep breath, “I asked sweet pea for a drink tonight and now I’m thinkin’ it would probably be better if there were people there she actually knew, y’know, so it doesn’t feel like a date?” 

Tommy has a look of confusion on his face, “Who the hell is sweet pea?” He asks. 

Maria obviously kicks his leg under the table. Joel watches as she gives him a look and then a flash of recognition is appearing on his face, “She got a nickname already, that’s fast, even for you.” 

“Tommy please,” Joel begs, “I’m asking you a favour.” 

“And is it?” He asked, “Y’know, a date?” Maria swats a hand on his bicep, “What?!” He exclaims, “I’m just makin’ sure I got all the facts.” 

“Of course it’s not a date,” Joel grumbles, “I told you, I just don’t think it’s right she doesn’t feel like she can’t go anywhere, has to spend all her time cooped up in that house.” 

“Well, I for one think it’s a great idea,” Maria adds, “Although how you’ve managed to get her to agree to it in less than a week when we’ve been trying for months I won’t ever understand.” She’s smiling though, which Joel takes as a good thing.

“I’m pickin’ her up at six so just meet us at the bar, alright?” He’s standing to leave now. 

“Will do,” Maria stands and gives him a quick hug, “And thank you Joel, really, for whatever you’re doing for her.” 

*

It’s late afternoon, Joel is sitting at the table in the kitchen, warm cup of coffee in his hands, pouring over some maps Tommy had given him of the patrol routes so he could prepare himself to go out instead of doing wall patrol. Ellie comes bounding in through the front door, dropping her backpack on the floor. 

“Have fun?” He asks, she’s been with Dina since early this morning and he’s happy that she’s finally starting to make friends. 

She nods, walking through to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water from the tap, “Listen, I’m heading out tonight, with your Uncle Tommy and Maria, you gonna be alright by yourself?” 

“Where are you going?” 

“Just for a drink or two at the bar.” He replies, meeting her eyes, “What’s that look for?”

“Can I come?” 

He was about to protest, tell her that no, she couldn’t come. He never would have taken Sarah to the bar with Tommy before all this, but then that’s usually because he would spend his nights nursing a single drink whilst Tommy tried to pick someone up, before driving him and his lady back to Tommy’s place. This was different, just a family having a good time. And if he brought Ellie, surely that was more proof to you that he didn’t think of this as a date. You wouldn’t take your kid on a first date, would you? 

He shrugs his shoulder, “Sure, but no alcohol, you hear me?” 

She makes a cross over her heart, “Cross my heart.” 

He chuckles, “Well, go and have a shower and get ready, we’re heading out at six.”

A few streets over, you’re sat on your bed with your head in your hands trying not to cry. You have no idea why, but for the first time since the outbreak happened, you’re worried about what to wear. You remembered these dilemma’s from before. Sitting with your roommates before a night out discussing which of you was wearing a dress, who was going for a skirt and which of you was wearing jeans. It never really seemed to matter beyond the fact that none of you wanted to look like carbon copies of each other, but for some reason, this matters. 

You can’t place your finger on why though. You hadn’t ever cared what you wore around Mark. You weren’t trying to impress Joel – it was, after all, just a drink between friends. You’d circled the same three outfits from your wardrobe since Mark’s death – an old pair of jeans, or shorts when it got warm, and one of three plain t-shirts, two black, one white. The odd tank top for days in the garden or your thick jacket for the winter. 

It was warm outside, so you’d initially pulled one of two dresses you owned out of the wardrobe. Maria had traded it with you when you first arrived – it fell just above your knee and was a pale yellow colour. Short sleeves and a low neckline. It would have been perfect. If it wasn’t for the fact that you knew people would talk. Not only were you walking into the bar for the first time since your husband died, but you’d be doing it with Joel Miller in a silly little sundress. No, you wanted to make yourself as invisible as possible, to make this as easy as possible. 

Finally settling on a pair of shorts and the cleaner of the black t-shirts, you bend into your wardrobe for your boots, you’re fumbling around in the dim light but finally feel what you’re looking for but pulling them out you realise these are not the boots you wanted. 

They’re a pair of simple, brown cowboy boots. Mark had found them in a house just a few months before you stumbled into Jackson. He’d remembered a conversation you’d had when you were back in the QZ, one of the very first nights you’d slept together. You were splayed over his chest, hands running circles with your fingertips, talking about what you’d buy if you could go back to outbreak day and waste your money, knowing what was coming. 

He'd been practical, something about a bow and arrow to be able to get rid of infected without drawing the attention of others with the sounds of gunshots. You’d said a pair of cowboy boots. You’d always wanted some, and if this was going to be the last thing you could ever buy, it would be those. 

He’d got his signature grin on his face as he pulled them from behind his back and you swear if you were remembering right that you cried. He’d managed to fit them in your backpack with the promise that one day you’d be able to wear them to a barn dance or something, when you were safe and found a community. He hadn’t been wrong. The first fall in Jackson there had been a barn dance and you’d put them on and danced until you got blisters. 

They were dusty now, having been pushed to the back of the wardrobe and forgotten about in grief, but looking at them now there was a spattering of joy through your blood. You loved them. You would wear them. You sat on the edge of your bed, slipping your feet into them. They fit like a glove, almost like you’d gone straight to Nashville and had them made for you. You looked up to the ceiling, trying to imagine the sky above it and whispered a thank-you to Mark. You weren’t particularly religious, but it was a comfort to think he was out there somewhere. 

As you sat and waited for the clock to tick down to six, you realized that if he was out there somewhere, watching you, that he would be horrified at what you’d become. He’d hate that you were miserable, unable to do even the most basic tasks at the beginning of your grief. He’d want you to go out and make new friends, to enjoy the life you had left, no matter how hard it might be. 

*

“Joel, the bar is this way, where are you going?” 

“We have to go get someone first.” He replies to Ellie, walking in the opposite direction. 

She starts following, “Tommy and Maria?” She asks, when she’s finally caught up to him. 

“No, they’re meeting us there.” 

“Ohhhh,” She drags out, “Pie lady.” 

“Ellie, she has a name!” Joel exclaims. 

“I know, but that pie was fucking great,” She beams, “So, you’re bringing your entire family on your date?” 

“It’s not a date,” Joel grumbles, “Listen, she’s been goin’ through some stuff, so I’m just try’na be nice to her, make things a bit easier.” 

“Sure you are,” Ellie smirks, “You fix anyone else’s steps so far, old man?” 

“Ellie…” He almost moans at her, he’d not missed this side of things, Sarah was always poking fun at him when he’d been on a few failed dates back in the day, “Just be nice to her okay?” 

“I’m always nice,” She counters, “I heard Maria and Tommy talking about her a few days ago, you don’t have to worry about me.” 

Joel took a moment at the bottom of your steps before he walks up and knocks a few times on your door. You’d been on the other side for a few minutes, pacing lightly trying to keep yourself calm. You waited long enough to make it seem like you hadn’t been right behind it waiting for him to knock before you opened the door. 

Joel had to take a moment when you opened the door. Your hair looked freshly washed, flowing down your back and around your cheeks. You had a pink tinge to your cheeks as if you’d been rushing around to get ready and he couldn’t help letting his eyes wander to your shorts and down your legs, before shooting his eyes back to your face. 

“Ready?” He asks, clearing his throat. 

“As I’ll ever be,” You reply, stepping out and closing your door behind you, when you turn back around you notice that there’s a girl stood just behind him, “You must be Ellie, right?” 

“The one and only,” She grins, giving you a little wave, “Nice boots.” 

“Thanks,” You give her a genuine smile, “It’s lovely to meet you finally.” 

Joel is shifting to walk down the steps of the porch, so you follow him, trying to choke down the nerves in your belly. Ellie is making light conversation, telling you about the riding lesson she’d had yesterday whilst Joel was building your chairs. She seems genuinely excited about it, mentioning she’d ridden horses before with Joel before they arrived but wanted to learn properly. There was something about her excitement that put you at ease. Joel was quiet but kept looking over and smiling as she spoke. 

Before you knew it, you were outside The Tipsy Bison. You could hear the chatter behind the closed doors and panic was rising. You came to a stop, Ellie walking in front of you. Joel motioned for her to go inside but kept his place by your side. You could feel his hand come to your lower back, but all you could hear was the blood rushing in your ears. 

“Hey, you alright?” His voice was so low and deep, breaking through the rising panic. 

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes and tipping your head back, “I didn’t think it would be this hard.” You whimpered. 

“It’s alright, sweet pea, I’m right here,” His hand presses further into your back, “It’s a big step, but think how good it’ll feel once you do it.” 

You take a few more deep breaths, wringing your hands like you always do when you panic, before you turn your head to look at him, he’s taller than you and he’s looking down at you with those calm, brown eyes. He’s not pushing you, just waiting for you to be ready. 

“Okay,” You nod, “I guess we just need to rip the plaster off.” 

You take a step forward and Joel follows you, keeping his hand on your lower back. He pushes open the door and you didn’t really know what you were expecting, but no-one really stops their conversation. No-one even looks up at you. It calms you. Joel waves at a table and you can see Ellie sat at it with Tommy and Maria. Even more calm flows over you, all your friends are here. Everyone who would fight your corner for you are here. 

“Why don’t you go and sit down, let me get you a drink?” Joel asks, you nod, “What do you want?” 

“I haven’t been here in ages, but Shane used to make blackberry wine,” You speak, “If that’s not there then whatever you have is fine.” 

You drop your head to look at the floor, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, as you head to the table. Maria greets you with a hug, and Tommy is stood squeezing your arm as you wrap it around her neck, “So proud of you, doll.” She whispers into your hair, and you can feel tears prick at your eyes. You’re damn proud of yourself too. 

You take the seat that’s empty between Ellie and Maria, which puts your back to the rest of the room. It makes you feel safer, not being able to make eye contact with people. There’s quiet around the table until Joel places a glass of dark red liquid in front of you, you look up at him and smile, saying a quiet thank you before he takes the other empty seat across the table from you. 

“Looks like it’s time for a toast,” Tommy beams, lifting his glass of whiskey, the rest of the table follow him, “To friends.” 

You smile and you all clink your glasses together. You take a sip of your wine, trying to push away the memory of the last time you’d drunk it, just after Mark’s funeral. Maria had brought you a bottle to your house, trying to give you something to ease the pain. You’d drunk the entire bottle that evening, wiping away so many tears you didn’t know where they were coming from anymore. The hangover the next morning had been horrific, so you’d sworn then that it wasn’t the answer. This was your first drink since then. 

It was warming through your stomach, sweet and sticky, almost like medicine, but you have to pace yourself. You really want to drink the whole thing in one go and go back for another, but you put the glass down and instead try and zone into the conversation around the table. 

Ellie leans closer to you, “That pie was fucking awesome,” She grins, “I’ve never had anything quite like it, will you teach me how to make it?” 

You look to her and smile, you really like this girl, “Of course, you’ll have to wait for me to get my next round of rations, but it’s super easy.” 

“Do you always make it with strawberries?” 

You shake your head, “You can make pie with pretty much any fruit, my favourite before all this used to be apple pie, my mum used to make it with loads of cinnamon, and we’d have it warm with ice cream.” 

“Looks like she’s made a miraculous recovery, all of a sudden.” 

Dread sinks into your stomach when you catch the voice walking behind you, this is what you’d dreaded. The opportunity to laugh and forget for a few hours and people were judging you. You were waiting for the usual comment that you’d heard before, “If she can sit here and laugh, why can’t she start contributing again.” There wasn’t time for anyone to add anything else though, because Ellie was whipping around in her seat. 

“What did you just say?” She snaps, and you close your eyes, you don’t want her to get into an argument for you. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise we were being listened to.” You knew that voice, Vanessa. Her husband had been killed on patrol probably a year before Mark died. You envied her when you went through losing Mark, how she’d managed to bounce back after a few weeks, and you were sure that she envied the way you’d been given a pass to just float through until you were ready to become a real member of the community again. 

“Yes, you did,” Ellie retorts, standing from her chair, “It was loud enough for everyone to hear.” 

“Ellie, sit down.” You hear Joel ask, you look at him briefly, hoping your eyes could express how sorry you were for this. 

“No, this is bullshit,” Ellie continues, “It’s not fair for them to say that about you,” She looks to you this time, “You have as much right to be here as anyone.” 

“Ellie, that’s enough, mind your language.” Joel is standing now, as are Tommy and Maria, but you remain seating with your back to the room, trying not to let the hot tears of frustration fall from your eyes. 

“How about you just head back to your table, Vanessa?” You can hear Tommy say to try and diffuse the situation, it’s muffled in your ears, the blood rushing around them again. You’re trying to listen to your heartbeat to stop the rising panic in your chest. 

You assume that Tommy’s involvement means Vanessa does as she’s told because Ellie is sat next to you again, and you can feel Maria’s hand on your shoulder, “Are you alright, honey?” She asks, kneeling to grab your attention. 

You shake your head, and as always, someone’s kindness towards you is what tips you over the edge, you let a single tear drop down your cheek, furiously wiping it away, “I think maybe I’ll just go home.” 

Maria knows better than to push you in these situations, she squeezes your knee slightly and nods in understanding. 

“Let me walk you.” 

You look up to Joel for the first time, his jaw is clenched and his eyes, which are looking straight into your own, are full of guilt. This was his idea and it put you in this situation, “Okay.” You nod, standing up, leaving your half-finished glass of wine on the table. You don’t wait for him; you make a beeline for the exit and down the steps. 

He catches up to you a little way down the street, no doubt making sure that Ellie would be alright with Tommy and Maria whilst he drops you off. He doesn’t speak and doesn’t try to place that comforting hand on your back either, just walks next to you in silence. 

“I’m sorry.” Is all he says when you arrive at your front door. 

“It’s okay Joel, it wasn’t your fault.” You reassure, leaning on the front door. 

“It was my idea though, I’m sorry she said that to you.” 

You shrug, “I didn’t have to agree to go with you, neither you nor I can control what other people say.” 

“It’s still not fair that people think it’s okay to talk about you like though.” 

You shrug, “It’s my own fault really,” You always did this, brough it back yourself and your strength, or the lack of it, “They’re not wrong, I haven’t contributed to the community in over a year, I spend all of my time trying to avoid having to go back to normal because it’s easy, it’s easy to sit and do what I’ve always done, day in and day out.” 

He steps forward and takes your hands in his and for a moment you’re slightly overwhelmed by how they dwarf your own. Calloused and hard against the soft of your own skin, “Please don’t do that,” He implores, looking into your eyes, “Don’t minimize your pain, don’t say it’s easy, because it’s not,” He sighs, “People should understand that we all heal differently when we lose someone, I don’t know what her problem was, but please don’t stand in front of me and pretend she was right,” You’re almost overwhelmed by his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on the tops of your hands, so much so that another tear falls from your eye, “You never have to pretend with me.” 

His next move is unexpected. He lets go of one of your hands and uses his palm to cup your cheek. He brushes away the trail of tears that had fallen a moment ago, and you feel his thumb catch the one that falls when you close your eye and briefly let yourself be taken away by his touch. No-one had touched you like this since Mark and for a moment you enjoyed it. Almost like he could sense the quickening of your breathing as panic rose through you again, he drops his hand, letting your other hand go before he pulls you into a hug. 

Instinctively, you wrap your arms around his waist and breathe in the scent of his jacket. There’s a hint of the washing powder from the laundry room, there’s a hint of tobacco which you think might be from the standard issue body soap that is issued to the men in Jackson, homemade in Brenda’s kitchen, and then something that is distinctly Joel. Before you can get too wrapped up in it, he’s whispering a “Sorry.” Into your hair and pulling back. You wonder what he’s actually sorry for – what happened before? Or the way he’d touched you. You don’t ask because you’re not ready for the answer. 

He pulls away and finally steps away from you, “You’re hell of a man Joel Miller,” You whisper softly, “Thank you.” Thank you for being you. You want to say. Thank you for pushing me, even though I don’t think you realise you are right now. You want to add. But you leave it where you left it. 

“You’re hell of a woman too, sweet pea.” 

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