#if you’re not going to use the fact you brought Tommy back to be his bi awakening when you could’ve done that with literally any male

[stagefoureddiediaz]

So do we think maybe Buck golfing with Gerrard is something along the lines of Tommy giving advice to Buck to get to know him and play nice to make his life easier (or some such - because Tommy never actually had any hated directed at him from Gerrard so never actually experienced first hand what he was like in the same way Chim and Hen did).

Which Buck will do and find out a few things about his situationships (it’s technically unlabelled as a relationship so I’m not calling them boyfriends!) past behaviours and dots will start connecting all those red flags that Tommy is waving?!!

[honeyedmiller]

A Burning Desire part seven

firefighter!joel x f!reader

series masterlist | main masterlist

rating: explicit. 18+, minors do not interact.

warnings: mentions of pregnancy, extreme vulnerability, brief mentions of emotional abuse and manipulation in a past relationship, mentions of infidelity in a past relationship, shit ton of fluff, smut (nipple play, teensy bit of dirty talk, semi-public?? firetruck fucking!!! unprotected piv, ass play, ass slapping, brief choking, spitting, cum eating), reader’s brothers and tommy are little shits as always, no use of y/n.

word count: 7.1k

a/n: i’ve been feeling a little feral lately which resulted in the smut. apologies🧍‍♀️and yes that third picture is the 911 lonestar firehouse LMAO it was perfect for this okay 😭 anyway i hope y’all enjoy <3

synopsis: a drunken joel asks you to take your relationship with him to the next level.

A week had passed since Joel’s birthday party, and you’re now alone in a house that’s usually bustling with people. 

Sarah had gone off for the weekend to spend the night at a friend’s house while Joel went out with Tommy, your brothers, and Josh. You were curled up on the couch reading an invigorating romance novel. The quietness was accompanied by the ticking clock above the mantle and the soft scrape of paper rubbing against paper as you turned the page of your book. 

You find yourself so immersed in the book that when your phone rings, it nearly startles you half to death. You pick it up to see Emily FaceTiming you, and you dog-ear the page you’re on before setting the book down and sliding the answer button. 

“Hey Emi,” you smile at her as you bring your knees to your chest. 

“Hey sis. How are you?” 

“I’m good. Just reading a book and drinking some wine,” you say, lifting your glass up for her to see. She grins and holds up her water bottle, making you laugh. 

“You got the house to yourself?” She asks. You nod, chewing on your bottom lip. 

“Sarah is at a friend’s and, you know, Joel is out with the boys.” 

“The boys,” she snorts. “I can’t believe they all actually formed a little friend group and are going out.” 

“Tell me about it. I’ll take this over Andy and Cole chewing Joel’s head off any day, though.” 

“Seriously. Remember how long it took them to stop torturing Josh?” 

You think back to when your brothers would give Josh shit a lot when Emily first brought him around, but he stuck it out because he’s so head over heels for Emi… as he should be. Good man. 

“God, yeah. I also remember mom yelling at them both, saying something like ‘this is why you’re both single’,” you laugh at the memory, taking a sip of your wine. 

“I remember that, too. But I’m glad Josh stuck around,” she has a soft smile on her face before she twists her lips to the side. 

“Okay, so, I have something to tell you. But you can’t tell anybody. Well, you can tell Joel if you want,” she sighs, and you furrow your brows. 

“Is everything okay? What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong. In fact, everything is perfect. You know how I told mom like a week ago at Joel’s birthday party that Josh and I didn’t use… anything on our honeymoon?” 

You nod, recalling the moment in Joel’s kitchen. Then you go completely still as your heart drops to your ass. 

“Emi, oh my god, is—are you—holy fuck,” your brain is scrambled right now, eyes going wide as you stare at the screen. 

She tears up and lets out a happy sob that sounds like a laugh, holding up a pregnancy test that so clearly has the word pregnant across the tiny screen. 

Your hand flies over your mouth and tears sting your eyes. 

“Oh my god!” 

“I know, crazy isn’t it?” She laughs, happy tears streaming down her glowing cheeks. 

“When did you find out?” You ask. 

“Literally like thirty minutes ago. You’re the first person I’ve told,” she pauses. “Let Josh think he was the first, though. This is what he gets when he leaves his wife at home to go out and drink with his brothers and new friends,” she jokes, and you laugh with her. 

You hold up your right hand, seriousness in your tone. “Scouts honor.” 

“Thank you,” she says, sniffling before wiping her tears away once more. 

“I’m so happy for you, Emi. I know how much you want to be a mother.” 

“I love you, my dear sister,” she beams at you, and you can’t help but return the same radiant smile. 

“I love you too.” 

“Sorry to cut the conversation short, but Josh just texted and said he’s coming home in a few and I want to be prepared and all that,” she waves her hand around, and you can’t help but huff a laugh. 

“No worries. I’m so excited for you. I love you and I’ll talk to you soon, yeah?” 

She nods and blows you a kiss through the screen, saying bye before she hangs up. 

You can’t wipe the grin off your face or the warm feeling in your chest at her news. You try to go back to reading your book, but your mind can’t stop from wandering to your sister. 

Your thoughts are torn from your mind just a few short minutes later as you hear the front door handle jiggle, opening up to a completely happy and very drunk Joel.  

“There’s my beautiful lady,” he says, stumbling a tiny bit in the entryway. You laugh and stand up to help him, giving Tommy a wave as you see him watching Joel from his truck to make sure he gets in the house okay. He gives you a wave and a smile before peeling off, and you close the door. 

You steady Joel and help him walk over to the couch with you, settling him before you sit down next to him. 

“I gather your night went well,” you giggle, and he turns to smile at you. 

“Your brothers are two of the funniest damn guys. Josh too. This bromance is coming along just nicely.” 

You can’t help but laugh at his words, leaning forward to plant your lips on his cheek. 

“Oh, speaking of Josh,” you start, taking Joel’s hand into yours before rubbing your thumb across his knuckles. “Emily called me a few minutes before you came home. She told me some wonderful news and said I can share it with you.” 

Joel’s gaze meets yours as his eyebrows shoot up. “What is it?” 

“They’re having a baby. Emily is pregnant.” 

“Oh wow, that is great news. You think they’ll announce it to everyone soon?” He asks, bringing your hand up to his lips to kiss your knuckles. 

“I’m sure they will soon.” 

It’s quiet for a couple of minutes before you switch positions on the couch and lay down, Joel following suit as he begins to tuck himself between your legs. You’re situating yourself before you look up at him with a small smile, his gaze already intensely on you. 

“We should have kids,” Joel says, a smug, sappy smile on his face. His words halt your movements as you eye him wearily. 

You quirk your brow at him and tilt your head. “Oh?” 

“Don’t ya think they’d be so cute?” He gushes, and Drunk Joel truly is a sight to behold. He’s all soft and cuddly. Practically a human teddy bear. 

“Just think about it,” he laughs, “They’d have your beautiful eyes and your smile and your laugh and—” 

You put a hand on his chest to stop his words, and he looks at you with so much love in his eyes you think you might burst. 

“Slow your roll, cowboy. How about we discuss this when whiskey isn’t in the equation.” 

He pouts at you and you have to stifle a laugh. He looks so fucking cute. Your heart blooms at the fact that he wants that type of future with you, and it cracks through the remaining pieces of the walls you’ve put up. 

He sighs and lays down on you, nestling his broad body between your thighs and clings to you like a koala. You kiss his temple and run your fingers through his hair, feeling so content and in love that it makes you nearly choke up with tears. 

He presses gentle kisses to the skin of your chest as he buries his face there, sighing in content. 

“Well if we’re holding off on the discussion of kids, then maybe we can start a few steps before that one,” he says, and his words barely make sense as he half-mumbles into your chest. You catch it anyway.

“And what would the first step be?” 

He lifts his head up to meet your gaze, eyeing you knowingly before giving you a soft but sure smile. 

“Move in with me.” 

-

“That’s the last of it.” You wipe your brow and exhale an exhausted breath, admiring the pile of boxes that overtook Joel’s living room—well, your living room now, too. It was only two months ago that Joel had drunkenly asked you to move in with him, and when morning time came, you had to make sure he was sure. 

He’d reassured you easily that he meant what he said and would love it if you moved in with him and Sarah. Sarah had been on board with it all along, wanting you to stay permanently after the few weeks you’d spent there taking care of Joel and helping with her. 

You had some things to figure out with your lease to your apartment, seeing as it wasn’t up until January, but your landlord was a godsend and the sweetest woman, letting you break the contract two months early with your full deposit back. 

Joel wraps his arms around you with a prideful grin, kissing your sweaty forehead. You grimace at that, but you’ve come to find out early on in your relationship that this man isn’t easily disgusted by much of anything, really. 

You gaze at the tower of boxes and it tugs at your heart strings. Just a couple of months ago, you were crushed by the prospect of having to go back to your apartment when Joel was fully healed, but it turns out he didn’t want you to leave, either. He’d come to your place on nights Sarah was with friends and would spend time with you there after you’d left his house and he got cleared for light duty at work. 

Turns out he’s just as clingy to you as you are to him. That’s not to say you both don’t mind spending time apart from each other, but you’d much prefer to be wrapped up in each other or simply enjoying each other’s company. 

You’ve already established that allowing yourself to get attached to someone scared the hell out of you, and Joel had sensed it, too. You finally opened up to him one night and laid all of your cards out on the table for him. Confessed that your ex had been emotionally abusive toward you, manipulating you and gaslighting you into thinking you were fucking nuts for wanting to feel something with him and be loved the way you knew you deserved to be, and that you were too much for wanting the bare fucking minimum. That he made you feel like you didn’t matter. That he made you feel unworthy of true love after you finally put the finishing pieces of the puzzle together, seeing the bigger picture, and coming to the conclusion that he was a fucking prick who didn’t deserve you or what you had to offer. The final cherry on top of this monstrosity was catching him fucking his coworker in his bed. 

You told Joel, with tears in your eyes, that your heart was completely his and it had taken you a while to get over the hurdles and constant battles in your mind. You told him he’s the one who crumbled all of those walls completely. He’s the one that made you believe in love again, no matter how much it terrified you. You confessed that he was it for you. He’d ruined every single other man for you, ever. 

With glossy eyes of his own, he pulled you in tight and held you for what seemed like hours, kissing your temple repeatedly until you completely melted into him. He’d made you a promise that night he’d do his absolute damndest to protect your heart and take care of it, and if he ever saw your ex, he’d beat the shit out of him. You’d never seen Joel so furious, but with the look he had in his eyes, you could tell he really wasn’t joking. 

It’s only been a few months, but you feel like you’ve come a long way—mentally, physically, with Joel, your family, and your dearest friend Maria. Without them, you don’t think you would’ve had the strength to overcome your worst fears that involved love. It took you a while to finally love yourself again after you ended it with Christian,  and even longer to allow someone else to love you the way your heart desperately desired. 

You couldn’t have been more grateful that the person to give you that is this handsome, strong, loving man that stands proudly beside you. Someone who’s unabashed about showing you off. Proud to love you out loud. Isn’t afraid of giving you a big, playful smooch in public and doesn’t hide you from his coworkers or his family or any of his friends. 

You’re irrevocably in love with Joel Miller, and you’re damn proud of it. This man has saved you—literally and figuratively. 

“I honestly thought you’d have more stuff than this,” Joel says with a teasing undertone. You snort a laugh and roll your eyes, looking at him with amusement. 

“My apartment wasn’t that big, Miller.” You pat his chest and move toward the boxes, luckily thinking ahead and separating everything into which room they belonged in. You lift the first one up that’s labeled bedroom in big bold letters, heading toward the stairs. Joel follows suit and picks up another one labeled bathroom, following you up the steps. 

You set the box down on the floor and open the drawers that Joel had cleared out for you. You smile at the thought of him being nice enough to clear out some of his space for you. He’d told you it gave him the perfect opportunity to clean up around the house and get rid of stuff he didn’t need or use anyway. He donated most of the stuff he got rid of, saying someone else would get much better use out of the various items. 

Joel sets his box down in the master bathroom, setting it on your side of the sink. Your side. Your lips curl up at that, and Joel comes behind you before nearly tackling you onto the bed. You yelp out in surprise, a breathy laugh escaping you as he straddles you and looks down at you from above. 

Your hands land on his torso, coercing him down with a mischievous smile and a curl of your finger, silently telling him ‘come here’. He licks his lips and leans down, elbows on either side of your head. 

“Fancy meetin’ you here, darlin’.” His Southern charm is something you’ll never tire of, especially if it’s regarded in a playful mood. 

“Don’t you know it’s rude to keep a lady waiting?” You quirk a brow at him and grin, fisting the front of his shirt to tug him down so you’re nose-to-nose. 

“You’re right, pretty lady. Severely rude. How long until everyone gets here…?” He trails off, kissing the line of your jaw before nibbling at your chin. Your eyes glance at your watch-clad wrist as you lift it up in your line of sight. 

“About forty minutes or so,” you breathe out in a sigh. Joel hums against your neck now, licking your pulse point before nipping your skin slightly. You arch your body up into his, neediness rolling off of every limb as you lick your lips in anticipation. 

“Enough time for me to show you how not rude I am,” he murmurs. You laugh at that, threading your fingers through his thick locks. 

“I think this lady would very much indeed like a proper demonstration.” 

Joel’s eyes turn dark and he nearly growls, tugging your tank top up and over your head before unzipping your sports bra. Your breasts bounce as they become free, and Joel chuckles deeply at the way your nipples tighten and become erect with such little teasing and some cold air. 

“So fuckin’ pretty. I love these tits, baby.” 

He leans down and sucks a nipple into his mouth, swirling his warm tongue around it before tugging on it with his lips. He scrapes his teeth over the sensitive bud and you gasp, hands landing on Joel’s chest as you fist his shirt once more. 

Wetness easily pools in your panties as he continues his ministrations, giving the other nipple as much attention as the previous. He eventually licks down your sternum, nipping his way down your torso before grabbing leggings by the waistband and yanking them down. 

“Joel, I’m all sweaty,” you whine, not particularly keen on him going down on you when you feel… musty. 

“Since when have I given a shit about that, baby? You know I’d eat this pretty pussy for breakfast lunch and dinner, given the chance. Now hush up n’ let me eat you like you deserve.” 

And he’s about to dive right in when the doorbell rings. You whine in frustration, rubbing your brow impatiently. 

“Guess we don’t have forty minutes,” you bite, and he has to roll his lips into his mouth to refrain from laughing. You roll your eyes at him and gently push him off of you, standing from the bed to adjust your clothes. You make your way out of the bedroom, and Joel can’t help but land a hefty smack to your ass. 

You swivel your head to look back at him and give him an unconvincing scowl. He’s sporting an amused expression in return. “Hands off, Miller.” 

“Uh uh. We’re in our house now, sugar. Not a chance.” 

He wraps his arms around your waist as you both pad over to the front door, opening it to see your brothers standing there. 

“Hey look, it’s Dumb and Dumber,” you muse, and you scrunch your nose with a laugh as Andy rolls his eyes. Cole flips you off with a saccharine smile plastered to his lips as you step to the side to let them in. 

“Just to let you know, Miller, you’re insane for asking our baby sister to move in with you. Woman’s a goddamn menace,” Andrew starts, setting the six pack he brought onto the kitchen counter. 

“That’s rich considering you and Dumber over here decided to harass him about treating me right the day before Emi’s wedding.” 

Joel’s lip twitches up at the corner, and your gaze meets his as you both share an amused look. He wraps his arm around your shoulders, kissing your temple as he turns back to your brothers. 

“She’s my menace. I love it. I love everything about her,” he says, giving you a chaste kiss as you beam at him. 

“Eugh. Get a room,” Andrew says while he scrunches his face up in mock disgust. 

You point at him in an accusatory fashion. “‘Y’know, Andy, you won’t be talking so much shit one of these days when the woman of your dreams swoops in and knocks you on your ass.” 

“Jeez, who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?” Cole asks, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Both of you did. Cockblockers.” You brush past them to get a bottle opener for the beers, tossing it to Joel when you find it. 

“Dude, come on!” 

“Fucks sake.” 

Your brothers groan in unison as they pick up exactly what you were putting down. 

A flush of deep red creeps up Joel’s neck and face as he opens beers and doesn’t meet either Andrew or Cole’s gazes. 

“When’s the rest of the Brady Bunch supposed to get here?” You ask, pulling a water bottle out of the fridge for yourself. You uncap it and take a long sip, eyeing your brothers over the frosted plastic. 

“Probably twenty minutes or so. We were already in the neighborhood so we thought we’d swing by early.” 

You nod and shift your gaze back to the boxes. Your family was nice enough to volunteer to help you unpack and get things all organized, along with Tommy and Maria. 

A few hours later and the once-full boxes are broken down and flattened, piling high in the living room. The rest of the stuff you need to unpack is stuff for the bedroom, but you decide to take care of it a little later.

You can’t stop thanking everybody as the day goes on, and in truth, it warms your heart that you have so many people in your corner. 

“I’m happy for you, sweetheart,” your mom says as she nudges you with her hip. 

“Thanks mama.” You give her a side hug and lean in to her just as Joel catches your eye and winks at you. 

Your mom huffs a laugh beside you, looking at you with a knowing smirk. “That man really is your soulmate, baby girl. I’m so glad you’ve found someone who loves you the way he does.” 

“You know, I told him about everything that Christian had put me through. That man looked me in the eyes and told me he’d do everything in his power to protect my heart. I completely opened up my heart to him, mom. That’s something I haven’t done in such a long time because I was so fucking scared of me being hurt again being the outcome.” You finish putting away some baking tools in a kitchen drawer before you sigh and shake your head. 

“It was so clear to me, especially after his accident. I can’t fathom losing him.” You start to choke up on your words as your eyes get watery. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, trying to regain your composure. 

“Oh, honey,” your mom coos, wrapping her arm around you while rubbing your arm lovingly. “I know that time was super difficult for you and you had your reasons as to why you didn’t want to talk about it. It killed me seeing you going through such a tough time. If I could’ve taken your heartache away in a beat I would’ve.” 

Hot tears are fully rolling down your cheeks now and you sniffle, giving her a sad smile. “I love you, mom. Thank you for sticking by my side even during the ugliest of it all. I never meant to push you or dad away. Just know that Joel treats me so well and I don’t have to second-guess things with him. I know it’s only been a few months and it may seem like things are moving fast, but I’ve never had stronger feelings than this for someone. He’s it for me, mom.” 

“I’m so proud of you for opening your heart up again, sweetheart. You deserve this happiness and love. I can’t wait for the day I get to see you up at the altar with him, and, you know, follow in Emi’s footsteps in having a baby.” She gives you a wink and a kiss on the cheek before wiping a tear from your face before rejoining everyone in the living room. 

And it’s at this moment that you feel your heart grow fuller, completely surrounded by love—and, for the first time in years—full contentment and certainty. 

-

The quietness of the usually noisy home the following day was almost unsettling. It’s something that you know will take time to get used to, but luckily you have your Bluetooth speaker and your favorites playlist to keep you company. 

You make a checklist of everything you need to do today, and you’re determined to get it done before Joel and Sarah come home. The first thing on the list is to put away the last of your stuff and tidy up the house, which you get done in a couple of hours. It’s around eleven when you finish, so you decide to freshen up for the day and shower before heading downstairs to see what groceries they have in the fridge to make dinner. 

As soon as you open the fridge, you spot Joel’s forgotten lunch bag. You roll your lips into your mouth before checking your watch again, figuring he’d probably eat lunch soon. You decide to pay him a visit at the firehouse to drop off his lunch and get all of the flattened boxes that lay in the living room to a recycling facility. 

You load up the cardboard in your car and grab Joel’s lunch, starting the twenty minute drive to the firehouse. When you get there, you notice one of the trucks missing from the apparatus bay. Other than that, everything else is in place and the firehouse is completely quiet, except for some faint clinking noises coming from the second level. 

Your mind reels for a second, remembering the first time you walked through these doors. It had only been a few months back, but it seems like a lifetime ago. You truly couldn’t fathom how far you’ve come not only personally, but in your relationship with Joel as well. 

You remember being so uncertain about all of this. Nervous to take the next step. Push yourself to trust Joel and see where the leap of shattered faith would take you. You never in a million years thought it’d land you here, but you were beyond indebted to the universe that it did. 

You climb the stairs to the second floor and see Joel standing with his back to you, washing dishes. You take this time to eye him head-to-toe, admiring his strong build and tall stature as the muscles in his biceps and forearms flexed while he scrubbed away what looked like egg scraps off of a plate. His uniform is fitted to his figure like a glove with the navy blue Austin Fire Department t-shirt tucked into his crisp navy blue slacks with black steel-toed boots to finish off the look. His brown curls are neatly combed, and you just know he’s sporting that one Clark Kent curl in the front that drives you absolutely nuts. 

The dull ache in your core resurfaces from yesterday before you were so rudely interrupted from getting your pussy eaten like it was Joel’s last fucking meal. You nearly moan at the thought and shake your head with a brief sigh before you bite your lip. 

You let out a low whistle and giggle. “Looking good, Miller,” you say, stepping closer to him now. Joel swivels his head to look over his shoulder and his gaze meets yours with surprise written all over his expression. 

“Hey baby,” he says, finishing rinsing off the last of the dishes before turning off the tap and wiping his hands. He makes his way over to you with a grin, planting a sweet kiss on your lips before wrapping his arms around your waist securely. “This is a real nice surprise. Watcha doin’ here?” 

You hold up his lunch bag with a smirk. “Someone was in a rush this morning,” you tease. He chuckles and takes his lunch bag from your hand. 

“Guess I was. Didn’t even realize it. Woke up later than I intended to, but leavin’ you behind in bed is just so damn hard.” He kisses your forehead and you sigh in contentment. 

“Tell me about it. The bed gets so damn cold without my own personal furnace right beside me.” You giggle as he tosses his head back with a hearty laugh, and you admire the crow’s feet around his eyes as they crinkle. Everything about this man is just so damn beautiful. 

He fixates his gaze on you once more before sliding his free hand down to your ass to give it a love tap. 

“Thank you for bringin’ this to me. Probably woulda just stole Tommy’s lunch if I didn’t have one.” 

You huff a laugh before you finally look around, noticing that there’s nobody else in the vicinity. 

“Is it just you here?” You ask, and he lets go of you so he can put his lunch bag in the fridge. 

He nods. “Mhm. Everyone’s on a call. Left a couple ‘a minutes before you came here.” 

“Oh,” you grimace. “I’m sorry you’re not out with them,” you say sympathetically. 

“Ain’t a worry, baby. Gives me the chance to tidy the place up and rest my bones. Just glad ‘m not drivin’ you crazy at home anymore.” 

“You didn’t drive me crazy,” you laugh. “I’m already there.” 

“Funny.” 

“I know,” you gleam at him before scrunching your nose, heading toward the steps. 

“Leavin’ already?” He falls in step behind you and follows you down the steps. 

“Don’t wanna bug you too much while you’re at work.” 

He scoffs and shakes his head before stopping you next to the firetruck. “Woman, when you gonna learn that you never bug me?” He’s got a teasing glint in his eyes and you raise an eyebrow at him. 

“Guess you’ll just have to teach me that lesson over…” Your eyes trail down to his lips and the corner of your mouth tugs up in the slightest. “And over.” 

He moves toward you so your back is flush against the sleek red engine, caging you in as he places both hands next to your head on either side. He’s got that look in his eyes that drives you wild, and the dull ache isn’t so dull anymore. It’s a full-fledged throbbing that has your breath picking up in the slightest as you look at him staring back at you with a fire in his eyes. 

“I don’t have a single problem doin’ that, darlin’.” 

You swallow harshly as his eyes flit behind you for a brief second before they settle back on your face. 

“You ever been inside a firetruck?” He asks, cocking his head to the side. He moves closer to you so his body is nearly flush to yours, give or take two or three centimeters. 

Your mouth goes dry and the words you want to say seem to die on your tongue. You opt for shaking your head no. Joel smirks at that, reaching up to pull open the back door to the firetruck. He nods his head upward, and you immediately get what he’s hinting at. 

“After you, baby.” 

You slowly turn around and climb into the back of the truck, looking around in pure curiosity. There’s two captain’s chairs right next to each other, and Joel takes a seat on the one closest to the open door before he shuts it. The sound makes you jump and you look down at him as he tugs on your hand. He spreads his legs wide and the slacks he’s wearing hug his thighs deliciously. Your mouth nearly waters at how fucking good he looks in his element. He pats one of his thighs and you sit down on it, looking around a bit more before he gently grabs your chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to look at him. 

“This is actually really cool,” you say, eyes finally settling on his face once again. He doesn’t say anything for a minute, just staring at you with a lustful look in his eyes. You can practically read his mind from a mile away.

“Joel, no, we’re at your job and—”

His lips on your jaw distract you and you suck in a sharp breath as he licks at your pulse point on your neck. You know this is so wrong on so many levels, but you can’t seem to get yourself to stop and think about the consequences. 

“They’re on a call,” he mumbles into your neck. “‘S gonna take ‘em awhile.” 

He grabs your hips and swings your other leg over the other side of his lap so you’re straddling him. You can’t deny the slick heat between your legs and the prospect of doing something insanely inappropriate in a firetruck. This was never on your Bingo Card of Life, but when the opportunity arises, you take it. 

“We never got to finish what we started yesterday,” Joel states matter-of-factly before his warm hand plunges into the front of your leggings. He raises a brow up at you when he realizes you’re going commando today. His middle finger slides through your slit easily, and you moan at the contact as you loll your head to the side. You grip onto his shoulders and lean down, crashing your lips to his in such fervor that it nearly knocks the wind out of you. 

He circles your clit skillfully with the tip of his finger, and you can’t help but grind yourself onto his hand. He’s swallowing every whimper that bubbles up in your throat as you move your hips back and forth, and his free hand grabs your ass before giving it a smack. 

“A little rough today, are we?” Your voice is breathy and you let out a small laugh, slowing down your grinding motions. 

“Is it too much?” He asks, and you nearly want to melt into a damn puddle at how considerate he is being so concerned like this. You grin down at him and smooth out the worry line in his brow, bending down to give him a lengthy kiss. You peck his lips a couple of times before sliding your hands down his chest, feeling his strong heartbeat beneath your fingertips. 

“Not at all. I like it rough.” You smirk at him as you feel his cock straining against his slacks at your words. A low growl rumbles deep in his chest before he closes his eyes for a beat. They snap open again and this time, you’re met with a darkened gaze that’s full of lust and determination. 

“Yeah? How rough?” His hand slides out of your leggings and he swipes the tip of his middle finger across your bottom lip, coating it in your arousal. He coaxes your jaw open to slip his finger into your mouth, and you suck his finger willingly. You taste yourself then before you shoot him with a dead serious stare. 

“Ruin me.” 

He stills at your words for a beat as he sucks in a sharp breath. He grabs the back of your head and crashes his lips to yours, hands now roaming wildly before he’s frantically sliding down your leggings. You’re trying as quickly as possible to blindly unbuckle his belt and unbutton his slacks, and you slide his clothing down his thighs before he presses the head of his cock against your folds. 

Before you can even think to sink down onto him, he grabs you and forces you to face downward toward the seats so you’re ass up and completely exposed to him this way. 

“Such a perfect fuckin’ ass too, baby.” He grabs both of your arms and holds them behind your back, wrapping one hand around both your wrists to keep you steady. You whimper as he slides his cock through your folds once again before he suddenly slams into you. 

Your mouth goes agape and your eyes roll to the back of your skull as the air in your lungs dissipates. You clench hard around him and you feel your mind completely slipping away as you see stars. 

Joel presses his free hand down on your lower back and soothes you lovingly. “Breathe, baby, breathe,” he says through clenched teeth, and you can tell this is a lot for him, too. 

“Move, Joel,” you choke out, sucking in a big breath of air. He does as you say, moving his hips at a brutal pace so he’s pistoning in and out of you. 

You have to concentrate on breathing because it’s damn near impossible. The sound of skin slapping on skin reverberates inside of the firetruck, and your mind was absolutely reeling at how you two were doing something this scandalous. 

You feel Joel’s free hand rub your ass for a brief second before he lands a harsh smack on it, and you cry out in both pain and pleasure as your skin stings from the contact. 

“You like that?” He asks, somehow pounding into you even harder. Your limbs are like noodles at this point and your mind is so foggy. You try to answer him again but nothing comes out. 

“Answer me, sweet girl. You like when I’m rough with you?” 

You whine before you finally find your words again. “Fuck! Yes!”

He lands another harsh smack against your ass and you moan loudly before sucking in a breath when you feel his thumb circle your other hole, and he spits on it. 

“J-Joel—”

“One of these days I’ll fuck you here, too.” His husky voice is full of promise as he slips his thumb into your  asshole, and all you can do is nod as you feel so full like this. 

“Yesyeyes oh, god—”

“He ain’t here right now, baby. Just me.” Joel darkly chuckles as he releases your wrists and uses that hand to slither between your legs, furiously and skillfully rubbing at your swollen, aching clit. 

You brace your arms on the seats below you as you try to hold yourself up, but your legs are shaking uncontrollably. Joel takes his thumb out of you before sliding his hand around your body to hold you up against his body as his relentless pace begins to get sloppy. 

He brings his hand up to your throat and wraps around it, yanking your head back against his shoulder as he looks down at you with a chillingly carnal stare. He almost doesn’t even look like the sweet man you’re in love with, but a darker version that’s consumed his being. 

Seeing this side of him makes you even more hot and bothered and your body easily succumbs to his ministrations, so reactive to his touch and words. 

He uses his thumb from the hand on the throat to tug at your chin, coaxing your jaw open as a wicked grin curls onto his lips before he spits into your mouth. 

The heat that was once a low simmer in your belly is now a fire roaring throughout the veins in your body, igniting you and consuming you as a whole. You swallow before he leans down to kiss you hungrily, and that’s what does it for you. 

You surge over the edge, orgasm crashing over you like waves on a shore. Joel swallows all of your cries and pleads against his lips, groaning at how you’re pulsing around him as you ride through your undoing. He squeezes the sides of your neck as he comes undone, arm moving down to wrap around your waist as his whole body stills. 

You feel his hot spend fill you up with each last harsh thrust he gives you before he stills completely. He kisses your shoulder lovingly before pulling out, groaning into your sweater as he does so. You feel his spend leak down the apex of your thighs, and Joel collects some on his finger as he swipes it through your folds. 

You shiver at his overstimulating touch, looking back at him as he smirks and brings his finger toward your mouth. You eagerly open it for him, moaning around his finger as you get a taste of the both of you. 

“You know, for someone who’s such a sweetheart, you really are a lil’ freaky. Just how I like it,” Joel says with a chest-rumbling laugh. You roll your eyes at him before he kisses your temple and helps you pull up your leggings before he tucks himself back into his boxers and fixes his uniform to look somewhat presentable again, opening the door to get out. 

“You’re one to talk, Miller,” you say, grabbing his hand as he helps you hop down out of the firetruck. 

“I’m an angel. Completely innocent. No idea what you’re insinuatin’, pretty lady.” He wiggles his eyebrows as you roll your eyes at him once more before laughing. 

“Sure, and I’ve got telekinesis.” 

He opens his mouth to retort, but is cut off by the sound of the other fire engine beginning to back up into the empty spot of the bay. 

Everyone starts to unload one-by-one, waving hi to you as they see you and Joel standing there. You’re hoping to god you don’t have a ‘we-just-fucked-in-the-back-of-the-firetruck’ look slapped across your forehead. Luckily, nobody seems to notice, and if they do, they don’t say anything. 

Until Tommy rounds the corner of the smaller truck. He looks at you both and pauses, taking in your appearances. Your face burns and you know if you look down at the ground it’ll give you both away, but anything is better than being under the younger Miller’s scrutinizing stare. 

Everyone’s gone upstairs at this point except for you three, and the sudden howl of laughter Tommy lets out makes you jump. He’s bent over with his hands clutching his knees, face and neck turning red with how hard he’s laughing. He’s got tears in his eyes that he wipes away with a knuckle, and it’s a couple of minutes before he finally calms down and catches his breath again. 

He straightens out and looks between the two of you again, lips wobbling as if he’s trying to hold back more laughter. 

“Oh for fucks sake, out with it.” Joel rolls his eyes at his brother as he wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you back so you stumble into his solid body. 

“You two are unbelievable. You’re not that slick and you know, you both have guilty written across your foreheads. I know what you did, you nasties.” 

“Might I remind you about that time I caught you and Maria—”

“Hey hey hey, this ain’t about me and my girl, this is about you two.” Tommy chuckles as he holds his hands up in surrender. 

“Don’t y’all get enough time at home?” Tommy teases, and you bury your face into Joel’s chest with a groan. 

“Shut up Tommy,” you say. 

“No actually, because you’re always there,” Joel retorts, which causes Tommy to laugh again. 

“Oh please, like that’s stopped y’all before.” 

“Not another word about it, brother,” Joel warns, and Tommy smirks at him. 

“Fine. But ya might wanna take care of that stain on your pants.” 

Joel’s eyes snap down to his slacks the same time yours do, but you don’t see anything.

Fucking Tommy. 

“Bastard,” Joel mumbles. 

You decide to get in on the teasing. You pat Joel’s chest and sigh, shaking your head. “Guess that means no more sex for us, cowboy.” 

You give him a loving kiss on the cheek before you pry yourself out of Joel’s grip and turn to walk out of the firehouse, fighting your giggles as you leave a dumbfounded Joel who calls out ‘you’re not serious, are you?’, and a, yet again, doubled over Tommy with tears in his eyes from laughing so hard behind you. 

taglist: @raspberrybesitos ; @nostalxgic ; @endlessthxxghts ; @punkshort ; @clawdee

@pascalpvnk ; @bensonispunk ; @merz-8 ; @darkblue-tennesseee ; @typewriter83

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if you'd like to be added / removed from the taglist, please let me know!

divider by @saradika-graphics

[runnning-outof-time]

For your celebration 🎉 can I please get …

“Look at me right now.” — with Tommy

Xx

Thanks for sending this in, Liv! I’m sorry it took me so long to write! I just had to go with Modern Tommy here for the Modern Tommy Queen….it’s nowhere near as amazing as when you write him, but I tried my best. I hope you like it! Enjoy! :)

I’D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! - YOUR COMMENTS & REBLOGS HELP ME WRITE!

Part of my 3.5k Celebration — find more stories here!

Any Ideas?

Modern!Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: smoking, language, sexual situation (nothing too nsfw), possessive behavior

Word Count: 1256

Summary: Tommy’s had enough of other men looking at his girl. He decides he’s going to do something about it.

“What is your problem?” (Y/N) asked as she walked out of the ensuite bathroom with a towel wrapped around her frame. Tommy was in the same place as she left him: sitting at her vanity smoking a cigarette. She could just tell that something was eating at him…but she knew that she had to be the one to bring it up; to coax it out of him.

“Hmm?” he merely hummed a response, his eyes catching hers through the mirror as he took another drag from his cigarette.

(Y/N) huffed in response to his half-assed answer. “Don’t ‘hmm’ me. I know something’s on your mind. Spill it,” she insisted, her eyebrows raised as she placed one hand on her hip. Tommy just chuckled at her stance. “You’ve been acting like this the entire night. What is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he nonchalantly answered, turning his one palm to the sky as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Oh but you do,” she countered, waiting for a moment to see if he’d add anything to his previous statement. He simply kept smoking. She let out a huff and made her way over to the walk in closet. “It was that guy at the event, wasn’t it? The one that kept looking over at us…at me. You didn’t like the fact that he was staring, and so you’ve decided to brood over it, right?” she went on as she was opening drawers, searching for something to wear to bed. Something he’ll be unable to resist, she thought to herself with a smirk. A quick glance out into the bedroom confirmed that he was still sitting at the vanity. Prick, she thought as she continued, “yeah, that’s exactly what it is. No one’s allowed to look at Tommy Shelby’s woman. No one except Tommy Shelby himself,” her voice dropped as she finished her statement, doing her best imitation of him.

Tommy had heard enough. He took one last drag from his cigarette before stamping it out in the ashtray he’d brought with him to the vanity. With a huff, he stood and made his way into the closet. (Y/N) had her back turned to him as she continued to look through her drawers.

“You’ve got it all figured out, eh?” he started, the tone of his voice immediately telling (Y/N) that she was correct in her guesses. “Think you know everything goin’ on in my mind?”

(Y/N) stopped what she was doing, standing up straight for a moment. She didn’t dare turn to face him though, not yet. Instead, she opened her top drawer and continued looking…even though said drawer housed her jeans and leggings.

“I’m talking to you,” Tommy was getting impatient now. It made (Y/N) grin.

“I’m looking for something to wear to bed,” she answered him, continuing her ‘search’.

“Oi,” he started, reaching out and taking hold of her arm, “look at me right now,” he practically demanded, spinning her to face him so that she’d have no choice. The sudden spin made her gasp, but she kept her countenance as her eyes locked onto his. She raised her eyebrows at him, so as if to say ‘what?’. He looked her over before continuing, “I’m not supposed to get upset when another man keeps eyeing me girl? Eh? I’m supposed to just let him stand there and do it?”

(Y/N) bit on her bottom lip, partly because of the tension that had risen between them and partly because she was right about his brooding. She reached out to take hold of the dress shirt that he was wearing, working on undoing its buttons. “So that was what was bothering you,” she commented, her eyes focused on his chest.

“It was,” Tommy husked.

“I’m surprised you didn’t do anything about it,” she continued.

“Wanted to punch his fuckin’ teeth in,” he admitted.

“I’m happy you didn’t,” she told him, finally looking up at him through her eyelashes, a hint of a smile present.

Tommy hummed in response, his tongue sweeping across his bottom lip before he spoke, “but maybe I oughta do something…something that shows people you’re mine.”

(Y/N) watched as his eyes hastily darkened, and her skin felt like it was on fire as his hands came in contact with her thighs.

“The ring isn’t enough?” she questioned, placing her hands flat against his chest for a moment. Her eyes went to her left hand, where the sizable engagement ring Tommy’d given her normally sat. She’d taken it off to shower, but sometimes she swore she was still able to feel its weight on her finger.

“No,” he responded, shaking his head. The breath got caught in her throat as he then began slowly dragging his fingertips upwards, pressing them into her skin as they slipped underneath her towel to rest against her ass. “It’s clearly not.”

“Well do you have something in mind?” she - surprisingly - found her voice and asked, her lips rising into a coy smirk as her fingers continued working on his buttons.

A smirk grew on Tommy’s face as he heard her question, and he held her gaze just long enough for her to see it before he dropped his face into the crook of her neck. The breath hitched in (Y/N)’s throat for a second time as he kissed a line up to her ear. “I was hoping you could think of something,” he mumbled against it before moving back down and continuing his ministrations. He kissed her sensitive skin a few times before nipping at it, the sudden change of feeling making her gasp. “Any ideas?” he asked her then, the smirk he was wearing evident against her skin.

(Y/N) couldn’t think straight anymore. She tipped her head back and let out a shaky breath as Tommy’s kisses trailed lower on her chest, meeting the skin just above where her towel was resting. His hands were roaming now, gliding over her ass and thighs, gripping at the skin with his fingers. Between his mouth and hands, she was sure there were marks by now. She managed to undo his final button amidst everything and let his shirt hang slack before she brought her fingers up to curl into the longer strands of hair atop his head.

“I have a few,” she finally found her voice and was able to answer his question, though her short statement came out as a quick breath.

Tommy hummed against her skin before his lips finally reached the spot that he knew drove her crazy. He made sure to kiss it lightly before pulling back. “Care to share them?” he asked, a wicked grin present.

(Y/N)’s eyes shot open the second his lips left her skin. Her eyes locked onto his as she sent him a deadpanned expression. He wasn’t about to build all of that up for nothing, was he? “I think you already know what they are,” she managed to get out just before his lips crashed against hers.

She wasted no time in anything else, hooking her legs around his waist the second he pressed his fingers into her skin and began to lift her up.

He spun, walking them out of the closet and over to the bed, where he dropped her down and made sure that there wouldn’t be a repeat of what happened earlier that evening. He needed the rest of the world to know that she was his.

*tags in reblog so that hopefully they get sent out

**Got a little carried away for the last Tommy blurb of the celebration…oops

MASTERLIST

[bittersw33t-lotus]

Bloody Hell!

Tommyinnit x Fem! reader

Cw: bloody nose, Tommy feeling immensely guilty, takes place in the “I Brought A Trampoline Park” video, mentions of reader being a female, uses of woman, jokes of physical fights (uses of woman beater as a joke)

Tommy had invited you to join him, Ranboo, Tubbo, and George to go and play at a trampoline park Tommy rented for the day. You agreed and got dressed I’m comfortable clothes before they picked you up and drove to the place.

(So sorry for disappearing for a long time guys. I just fell out but I’ll try my best to get back into posting again. I have a whole bunch of unfinished works I need to finish.)

When you all arrived you walked in and got anti-slip socks before preparing to film. After we settled we got straight to filming our antics. We bang jumping and playing doge ball, Tommy and I kept aiming for each other the most but missing most of the shots all while shit-talking to one another. The day was going good and you were having a blast when you and Tommy decided to battle each other on one of the courses. You had to balance on a beam holding soft but pretty solid foam barrels that had handles you could hold onto, you had to try your best to hit and knock your opponent off the plank all while keeping your balance to avoid falling off. Who ever fell first won, so that’s what you and Tommy decided to do to see who was the best.

The George was already filming you two as you walked towards eachother on the plank. You had a pretty good balance on the plank, Tommy seemed to be struggling a bit to which you teased him for. As Ranboo and Tubbo stood on the sides with George watching the match, they began to cheer for you chanting your name, it gave you a bit of a boost in your ego. “The game hasn’t even started and you’re already struggling? Weak.” You teased as Tommy glared at you.

“Fuck you bitch!” Tommy yells out as the charges you and swings his barrel but they were kinda heavy and Tommy isn’t very strong and fast so you blocked his hit. With your barrel still maintaining your balance and making Tommy wobble a bit. You two fought and swung the barrels the best you could. You were pretty obviously winning with how balanced you were and how much Tommy was struggling. Before you could knock him off Tommy gave one last powerful swing but swung upwards as you aimed downwards. Tommy tried to hit your chest but you ended up kneeling down a bit causing the barrel to hit you square in the face. Tommy screams as you finally knocked him off and landed in the foam pit, you fell shortly after him technically declaring you the winner. As you landed in the pit you you felt a slightly painful stinging sensation buzz in your nasal area but you tried to brush it off not thinking much of it. Ranboo, George and Tubbo were showing their dissatisfaction at the results of the battle as they sighed obnoxiously. “You were so close to winning (yn)!” Tubbo says as he flails his arms.

You get up and out of the pit as you laugh. “Well technically, Tommy fell first and I call it a foul cause he hit me in the face.” You say as you felt, what you thought was snot running down your nostril, was warm and much more liquified than normal.

As you tried sniffing it in, it was rendered useless as it dribbled down to your lips and chin before dripping on your sweater. You look down as see that it was not in fact snot, it was actually blood. “Oh shit.” You muttered in surprise. You weren’t too worried about it since you kinda half expected yourself to bleed however the others didn’t think so.

“Oh fuck, you’re bleeding!” George says aloud, as he turns to you unknowingly recording you standing there with blood leaking from your nose and dripping on your sweater. George’s words catchthe attention of the other three boys and a few employees that were near by keeping watch of you and your friends.

Tommy eyes widened as covers his mouth with his hands. “Oh, bloody hell!” Tommy exclaims dramatically as he walks up to you. You take your sleeve and quickly cover your nose as you wave your hand.

“It’s fine, it doesn’t even hurt.” You try and brush them off but it doesn’t do much to calm Tommy. Tubbo and another employee go to the bathroom to fetch you some paper towels as Tommy just stands beside you freaking out and muttering apologies over and over again. George and Ranboo just stand there and talk about your bloody nose for a comedic bit for the video making fun of how much Tommy’s freaking out while you’re just they’re acting like nothing.

Eventually you get some paper towels and you head off to the bathroom to clean yourself up and get the bleeding under control. While the other wait for you they sit in the lounge area.

George shoves the camera in Tommy’s face and decides to make a good bit out of it. “How does it feel to know you just hit a woman and made her bleed.” George teases. Tommy looks at him with a blank stare before his face contorts to a ‘are you fucking for real?!’ Face.

“It was a fucking battle we were suppose to hit each other!” Tommy shouts as George, Tubbo and Ranboo laugh.

“Yeah but you won’t supposed to hit her in the face.” Ranboo says as Tommy groans and covers his face.

“I wasn’t trying to hit her face but she leaned down as I swung. I swear it was an accident!” Tommy cries out and he pretends to sob. “Genuinely tho I feel bad, I didn’t know she would lean down-” Tommy rambles as you come out of the bathroom with your sweater in hand now just sporting you t-shirt and a piece of tissue plugged up in your nostril.

“I got the bleeding under control finally but my sweater is covered in blood, looks like I murdered someone.” You joke as you approach the group. Tommy gets up rushes you like a mad man before engulfing you in a hug.

“I’m so so fucking sorry I swear I didn’t mean to hit you! It was an accident I swear.” He say but you quickly shut him up as you grasp his shoulder.

“Tommy chill out man, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to and besides I’m not mad about it, it’s just a bloody nose.” You say as shrug your shoulders. “However, if you broke my nose. It’d be a different story.” You joke but Tommy didn’t seem to think you were as he’s eyes widened a bit in shock and fear. You laugh and gently nudge his side. “I’m kidding Tom, I could never be angry with you.”

Tommy laughs in relief but also with a mix of nervous laughter not knowing if you really could be mad or not if that were to happen. After that the rest of the day filming and jumping around was fun. After it was over, you and Tommy drove back to his place after picking up some food and snacks to eat while you watch a movie and edit the video. After a couple hours of editing the video (ik Tommy has his own editor but just bear with it for the story) he finally decided to wrap it up and finish the rest of it tomorrow. You both sat down on the couch and watched movies you both wanted to watch.

A few days after the video finally came out. Everyone made an inside joke with the nose bleeding incident and titled Tommy to be a woman beater which was of course used lightly not really taken to heart. You laugh about it too and occasionally joke about it joking that Tommy beat the hell out of you.

———

“You guy remember when Tommy punched me and made me bleed from my nose-“

“Oh my god! I did not, it was a fucking accident and it was with a foam pillar!”

[thetriumphantpanda]

handcuffs and alibis

I cannot be tamed so here, have part five of dbf!Joel. Y'all can thank @morning-star-joy for this one, she kinda came up with the idea of tying Joel to the headboard. ENJOY y'all, I wrote this under the influence of two glasses of wine and a double tequila soda so... you've been warned. You can read the previous 4 parts here, and if you'd like to leave a tip on my ko-fi I'd be eternally grateful, but of course, no pressure!

Pairing | dbf!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary | Joel teases you at another family cookout, so you decide to take your revenge.

Word Count | 3.8k

Warnings | As always, just dbf!Joel in general. Alcohol consumption and mentions of food, public teasing, oral (M receiving), use of restraints, dirty talk, protected PiV sex, no use of Y/N.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Texas Sun Playlist

Your dad never really needs an excuse to hold a cookout, especially during these long summer months. So, when you finally get the call that you did in fact land the job you wanted, he’s straight out stocking up on enough beer to get the entire street drunk and enough food to feed the US army. 

He’s currently grilling the second lot of steaks, even though everyone sat around the table is stuffed from the burgers, skewered meats and hot dogs and no-one can really move. It’s a quieter affair than your welcome home party – sat around the table are your parents, Tommy and Joel and two of your mom’s friends from work. That doesn’t stop you from planting yourself directly across the table from Joel, making eyes at him over your bottle of beer, and running your bare foot up the part of his leg that you can reach under the table. 

He's been a picture of calm the entire time, his eyes didn’t throw a shade of warning across to you, just a look that said, ‘go on, I dare you.” Which you had been putting to the test the entire evening. 

“Can’t believe you’re actually going to be an archivist, smartass,” Tommy beams across the table when you’ve all had your fill of food, “We all knew you’d land it though.” 

You smile and clink your beer with his, “Can’t deny it’s a huge relief, thought I was going to be unemployed for way longer than this.” 

“Drinks on you next time, then?” He teases, “Joel and I know a great bar in town, maybe we can go sometime?” 

“Are the drinks cheap?” You smirk, “I’m not going to be making millions and the way you two drink I’ll be bankrupt in no time.” 

As you’re talking you can feel Joel’s foot tapping against yours under the table. It’s innocent enough but it’s just distracting enough that you struggle to engage in the rest of the conversation. You’re grateful when your mother takes the lull of silence in conversation as a sign to start clearing up. You almost jump at the opportunity to help her, which has her raising her eyebrow, but she doesn’t question you. 

Once she’s brought all the dirty plates and cutlery along with the dishes of leftovers, she grabs a chilled bottle of wine from the fridge and heads back out to her friends, leaving you alone, yet again, to clean up a party held for you. You make quick work of packaging up the leftover sides and meat, putting them in the fridge before you start rinsing plates and putting them in the dishwasher. 

“This feels awful familiar,” Joel’s voice speaks behind you, you turn and watch him peer into the dishwasher, “Good girl, nice to see I’ve taught you somethin’ useful.”

“What the hell are you doing, Joel?” You hiss. 

He looks at you with a confused look, “I was complimentin’ your stackin’ skills, am I not allowed to do that?” 

“Good girl,” You attempt to mock his accent, “Really, Joel?” 

He has a glint in his eye and smirk across his mouth, “Don’t usually complain when I’m calling you that.” 

“Usually because we’re alone, Joel.” You murmur as he takes a step towards you, resting his hand on the small of your back before he leans down as close as he can get to speak into your ear. 

“You started it,” He speaks lowly, “All that with your foot runnin’ up my leg, got me all worked up sweetheart, and now I want you.” 

You jerk your head to look out of the window, no-one is particularly looking into the window, but it would be so easy for anyone to turn their head and immediately see Joel pressed up against you, whispering into your ear. 

You nudge your elbow into his stomach behind you, “Not here,” You hiss, “Anyone could see us.” 

“Awful shy, all of a sudden, sweetheart,” He teases into your ear, but is thankfully moving back from you, “Suit yourself.” 

You finish stacking the dishwasher as he pulls out two cold beers from the fridge, using your dad’s ‘Florida’ bottle opener from a vacation you took years ago to open them both, setting one down on the side for you. He leans against the fridge once it’s closed, sipping at his beer as he watches you. You wipe your hands dry on a towel and grab the beer, taking two long drinks from the bottle. 

“C’mon, people’ll be wondering where we’ve gotten to.” 

“Certainly can’t have that.” You mumble, quietly enough that he doesn’t hear you. 

Back outside, Tommy is stood with your dad at the bottom of the garden, looking into the shed. Tommy is pointing at something and laughing and a split second later you can hear your dad’s low chuckle as well. Your mom and her friends have moved from the table to sit on the loungers that are around the pool, sipping wine and squealing at whatever neighbourhood gossip they’re talking about. 

Joel’s hand is on the small of your back again, guiding you back to the table you were sitting at to eat dinner, you sit back in your old chair, Joel this time opts to sit next to you, because of course he does. 

“What do you think they’re talking about?” You tip your beer bottle towards your mom and her friends. 

“Probably the fact that Marcia at the end of the street is having an affair with her assistant at work.” He says it so nonchalantly that you almost think he’s joking, until you look up at him and find he’s deadly serious.

“Oh my god, really?” You choke on your beer, “Joel she’s like sixty, how old is he?” 

He shrugs, “How am I supposed to know,” he takes a sip of his own drink, “Heard ‘em gossiping when I came inside.” 

“Get it girl, I guess,” You snigger, “Her husband must be pushing seventy and we’ve all got needs I suppose.” 

His warm hand comes to rest on your thigh, just above your knee. It’s under the table and with everyone else preoccupied with their conversations, no-one would really notice, but there’s still a thrill settling through your bones. 

“Promise you’d let me sort your needs out at seventy, sweetheart?” 

You snort, “Joel, when I’m seventy there’s a strong likelihood, you’ll either be senile in a home or dead.” 

He throws his head back as he laughs, probably one of the most genuine expressions of happiness you’ve ever seen from him, and it warms your heart that you were the one to cause it. Outside of Tommy and Sarah, and occasionally your dad, Joel was stoic, almost to a fault, but you liked this version of him, warm and happy, with his hand on your thigh. 

Said hand is now currently inching it’s way higher, hitting the material of your dress. You drop your head and watch as his hand disappears underneath the white linen material to rest dangerously close to the apex of your thighs. You turn your head to give him a warning look but he’s not even paying attention to you. He’s looking anywhere but at your face, his own plastered with a look of complete indifference that his fingers are brushing the cotton of your underwear and causing your breath to catch in your throat. 

You can feel him tracing the seam of your pussy through the material and if he’s not careful, within the next few seconds you’re going to outwardly beg him to bend you over and fuck you on this table in front of everyone. To save yourself the pain of watching him slowly murdered by your father, you reach down and grab his wrist, pulling his hand away from you. 

“Will you give it a rest?” You chide, “Don’t start something you can’t finish. 

Almost on cue, Tommy is bounding up the garden, your father a few steps behind him. Joel extricates his hand from between your legs, still looking like the picture of calm. 

“Can you give me a ride into town?” Tommy asks, “Delia wants to grab drinks.” 

You watch as Joel rolls his eyes, “Can you not take a cab?” 

“C’mon Joel, just run me into town, it won’t take too long.” 

“Who’s Delia?” You ask, winking at Tommy. 

“Tommy’s latest girlfriend,” Joel replies, standing from the chair, “He’s smitten.” 

“She ain’t my girlfriend, jackass,” Tommy glares at Joel, “We’re just spendin’ time together.” 

“Oh, so she’s your fuck buddy then?” You smirk, causing Joel to choke on his spit and Tommy to laugh. 

“Oh, c’mon old man,” Tommy is teasing, clapping him on the back, “You could use one’a them yourself, spendin’ all your time alone in that house.” 

It’s your turn to flush, the words if only you knew spring to the forefront of your mind, and it’s almost like Joel reads your thoughts. 

“Who says I ain’t got one of my own?” 

Tommy looks disgusted for a second at the thought of his older brother having his own fuck buddy, you can feel your cheeks flushing too, knowing that it’s you he’s talking about when no-one else around you has any idea, “Right, well you keep that information to yourself please.” Is all Tommy replies before him and Joel are bidding everyone goodbye. 

You sit for a moment outside, trying to calm yourself down, but all you can do is rub your thighs together and sigh that Joel did in fact start something he couldn’t finish, leaving you high, dry and horny in favour of taking his brother into the city to get his dick wet. 

“You alright, doll?” Your dad asks, taking Joel’s old chair, “Looking a little flushed,” He puts his hand on your forehead to check for a temperature, “You feelin’ alright?” 

“I’m fine dad,” You mumble in response, suddenly hyper aware of the high-pitched screeching coming from your mom and her friends, “I might go and lie down for a bit.” 

“Alright,” He leans over and presses a kiss to your cheek, “You just shout if y’need anything, alright?” 

You lie on your bed upstairs for two hours. Somewhere around the first hour you can hear your mom bidding her friends goodnight and then the hushed talk she has with your father. Once the sun has set and the sky is dark you hear them go to bed, and not ten minutes later the soft snores of your father start drifting through your wall. 

You’re too worked up to sleep. What you should do is reach into your drawer, pull out your vibrator and get yourself off, drift off to sleep and let it lie. Without thinking about the consequences though, you’re standing from your bed and opening your bedroom door as quietly as you can. You close it behind you and when there isn’t a lull in the sound of your parents snoring you know you’re in the clear. You pad down the stairs and slip on your sandals at the door, slipping out once you’ve grabbed one of your dad’s ties from the washing basket. 

You’re halfway down the street when you really think about what you’re doing. Turning up to his house unannounced with a big plan and no real idea on how to execute it properly. What if he was already in bed? Or what if he’d decided to stay in town with Tommy and have a drink? Thankfully as you get closer to his house you notice his truck is in the driveway. A few steps later you see the light in the bottom window, meaning he’s still up and about. 

You knock gently at the door, listening as you can hear shuffling behind it before he pulls it open. He looks you up and down with a smirk on his face, fingers hooked into the top of his jeans like he always stands. 

“Well, ain’t this a nice surprise?” 

“You started something you didn’t finish,” You breathe, stepping close enough to him to press your body against his own, “I want you to finish it,” You demand, “Right now.” 

“That so?” 

You step back just enough to reach your hands to his shoulders, pushing him back inside his home. You’re half-aware of him slamming the door shut behind you, but then his hands are snaking around your waist and your back is pressed against the wall as his lips finally crash to yours. It’s messy, all teeth and tongue, but you’re not complaining. You’d been dreaming of him kissing you all evening. 

“How am I meant to finish it then, sweetheart?” He asks, breathing against your lips before joining them together again. 

“Bedroom,” You gasp out the next time he pulls away from you, “Take me to bed, Joel.” 

He wastes no time in grasping at your wrist and pulling you up the stairs and into his room. It is so quintessentially Joel. Bed unmade, overflowing washing basket in the corner. Chest of drawers which wouldn’t close because each drawer was stuffed so full of clothes and other things they were overflowing. 

You turn to him, he’s leant in the doorway, cool as a cat, which infuriates you because you are so incredibly turned on. Your chest is heaving with every breath you take, skin flushed hot, “Take off your clothes.” You insist. 

“Take off my clothes?” 

“Did I stutter?” You raise an eyebrow and his face drops when he knows you mean business. 

He’s slow about it. He drags his t-shirt over his head as he walks towards his bed, discarding it to the floor as you turn on the spot to follow him with your eyes. Then he’s looking straight at you as he undoes his belt with one hand, pulling it through the belt loops to fall to the floor as well. He unbuttons and unzips his jeans, pulling them down excruciatingly slowly. Then he stands and waits. 

“All of it, Joel.” You motion to his boxers with the clear bulge of his cock visible through them. 

“As you wish, ma’am.” And they too are discarded, leaving him completely naked to your complete state of dress. 

“On the bed.” 

You wonder if he can tell what might be about to happen because he lies down on the bed, head propped against the pillow. You’re quick to take your place at the foot of the bed, crawling up his body to straddle his hips. You can feel his cock nudging against the cotton of your underwear as you fall into him and kiss him. He opens his mouth against yours and it’s at this moment that you pull the tie from inside your bra into one hand. His eyes are closed, and he has no idea what’s about to happen. You drop the tie on the pillow next to him, using one hand to wrap around one his wrists, pulling it to rest above his head. You put all your weight on this hand, using your other to pull his other wrist above his head also. 

He's too busy tangling his tongue with yours and bucking his hips into your clothed pussy to notice you reaching for the tie on the pillow. In fact, it’s not until you’re pulling yourself away from him and wrapping the silk of the tie around his wrists and knotting it to the headboard that he starts to question what you’re doing. 

“What- fuck baby, what’re you doing?” His voice is wavering as he tugs his wrists. 

“Making you pay.” You shrug, simply. 

“Whatever did I do to deserve this?” He asks, watching intently as you start moving down his body with trails of your tongue, stopping occasionally, to press hot kisses to his skin. 

“You already forget your teasing from earlier?” You mumble against his skin. 

“Thought you liked it.” He whimpers as your lips are peppering kisses along his pubic bone, ignoring the throbbing of his cock. 

“I did,” You admit, “Until you left me high and dry.” 

“That wasn’t my fault,” He insists, breathing laboured, “If Tommy wasn’t so insistent, I’d have stayed and fucked you in that garden.” 

You hum against his skin, trailing kisses down his thighs, dragging your fingernails after your mouth. You revel in the sounds of his deep breathing and the gasps he’s letting out. 

“I don’t think this is very fair, sweetheart.” Joel’s strained voice comes from above you, causing you to take a break from pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses along his thighs. 

“You weren’t complaining about teasing when you were in charge, Mr Miller.” 

You hear a groan of frustration because he knows it’s true. He knows he pushed his luck earlier and he knows this is one battle he’s not going to win. He relents his incessant pulling at the tie that’s got him trapped to the headboard, not quite sure how you’re so practiced at tying men up so they can’t move, but he files that away to ask about later. Now he just focuses on you and your lips. The lips that he so wishes would just move a little to the right and envelop his cock in one go. He’s sure the relief from your teasing would be enough to having him come down your throat in minutes. 

If you were a better woman, you’d have been able to keep this up for hours, but there’s an ache between your legs that is crying out to you to bury yourself on his cock. You can tell from the way he’s jutting his hips up to meet your lips wherever you kiss him that’s telling you he’s struggling too. You’ve proven your point, now it’s time to have fun. 

“What do you want Joel?” You ask, looking up at him from your place between his thighs. 

His eyes are begging you, “Sweetheart,” He huffs, “I need your mouth on me.” 

He’s waited long enough. You grip the base of his cock in your hand, running your tongue along the underside before your lips wrap around the tip. The moan that drops from his mouth is indecent, and it only gets better when you start bobbing your head up and down his length. 

“Untie me baby,” He begs as you feel his cock hit the back of your throat, “I wanna put my hands on you.” 

You pull your mouth off him, using your hand to jerk him off, running strands of saliva up and down his length, “I don’t think so, you got more than enough earlier.” 

He throws his head back and groans as you put your mouth back on him, taking him as far down your throat as possible, using your hand to pump the rest of his length that you couldn’t. His groans spur you on until he bucks his hips up as your mouth is running down his length, causing you to gag, tears forming in your eyes. 

“Shit… shit baby,” He curses and then mumbles that he’s sorry, “I ain’t gonna last much longer, let me fuck you.” 

Your pussy is practically begging for him to be inside of you, clenching around nothing at all with every drag of your mouth and swirl of your tongue around him, so he doesn’t have to tell you twice. You push yourself back on your knees, pulling your dress over your head and your underwear down your legs. 

“Condoms?” You asked, his head motions to the bedside table. 

You lean over him and pull one out, ripping the package open with your teeth before you’re rolling it down his length and straddling his hips, your tight cunt hovering inches above him. One last attempt at teasing him. He’s lined up just right with your entrance that when he bucks his hips, the head of his cock is nudging through your slick and into you and you’ve lost the game. 

You sink yourself down onto him, throwing your head back in pleasure as your roll your hips and grind onto him. You open your eyes and the picture below you is a sight to behold. Joel, with his hands tied to his headboard by your dad’s striped, blue work tie, mouth agape with your name tumbling from his lips. He’s got a sheen of sweat across his beautifully tanned skin, beads of it pooling at his temples and dropping down onto the pillowcase below. He is completely at your mercy, and you think that if you tried hard enough, stared at him for long enough, that just this sight alone could make you come. 

“Baby c’mon, untie me.” Joel begs once again. 

You shake your head, instead leaning back, one hand gripping his knee behind you to steady yourself, the other snaking down your body to rest on your pussy. You dip your fingers down low enough to gather slick from where Joel’s cock is splitting you open, dragging your fingers up to circle your clit. You’re so sensitive from the teasing and the wanting that you know you’re finished before you really even start. 

“God damn,” Joel moans beneath you, “So fuckin’ tight for me, that’s it, play with your pretty pussy for me,” Even when he’s tied up, he’s a menace, “Can feel you clenching me baby, you gonna come?” You nod your head but continue bouncing on his cock whilst your fingers bring you to the edge, “Touched yourself for less than a minute and you’re gonna come all over my cock, ain’t ya?” 

“Fuck Joel, it’s just too good.” 

“I know baby, I know,” He’s coaxing you, bringing his hips up to meet you on your way down, hitting that delicious spot inside you that he knows will make you come undone, “Give it to me, darlin’.” 

It’s all you need. You hand is dropping from your pussy, palms of your hands hitting his chest as you convulse around his cock, crying his name out into the depths of his bedroom. He doesn’t let up his thrusts though, pounding into you from below, chasing his own high which soon follows. 

You can feel the throbbing of his cock inside you, wishing that you could feel him painting your slick walls with his seed. Soon, you think, but not yet.

You’re face down on his chest when he mumbles from above you, “Think you can untie me now?”

You chuckle, pushing yourself off his chest to untie the knot. It comes apart easily and you think that if he had really wanted to, he could have pulled his hands apart and freed himself. He’s taking the tie from your hands. 

“Where the hell’d you even get this?” He asks as you collapse onto the bed next to him. 

“It’s my dad’s.” You smirk, turning to him, his eyes wide, dropping the tie to the floor like it had burnt him. 

“M’never gonna be able to look at that man the same way.” He mumbles, turning onto his side, propping himself up on one arm, whilst using the other to rub soft circles on the skin of your tummy. 

“Had to teach you a lesson somehow,” You grin at him, “Bet you won’t tease me again.” 

“Oh sugar, if you’re gonna tie me up and ride me like that every time, you bet your bottom dollar I absolutely will.” 

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling Ch. 18 - Reverse

Joel leaves for a longer patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-17 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut :D. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 7.7k 

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It was surprisingly easy to fall into a life with Joel. 

It probably helped that he was the person you spent the most time with, anyway. Since you’d started borrowing the guitar, you were at his house nearly as much as you were at your own. You’d had to earmark time to spend with Ellie - who wanted so little to do with Joel that even sitting on his front porch was out of the question - but otherwise, you were at least near him a lot. Add in patrol time, the fact that he talked you into movie nights and mess hall dinners and you realized, suddenly, that you were already living alongside him. 

It just became more purposeful now.

You were dreading the next time Joel went on patrol - he went out far more frequently than you did - because it would mean a change in this new, comfortable but somehow still exciting way of being. 

“I’m only gonna be gone three days, baby,” Joel said as you leaned against him over lunch at the stables, the two of you sitting on the ground with your backs against a wall, your legs straight in front of you so the toe of your boot would brush his leg when you moved. You frowned, eating another berry. 

“I know,” you sighed. “Still gonna miss you.” 

“Careful,” you could hear the smile on his voice. “Might think you like me or something.” 

“Ugh,” you smiled a little. “Can’t have that. It’ll go right to your head, you’ll be insufferable.” 

“According to Tommy I’m that already.” 

You laughed a little. 

“What’s the movie tonight?” You asked. “If I’m giving up alone time with you just before you leave, it had better be worth it.” 

“Might have talked Maria into Titanic…” 

You shot up off his shoulder to look at him and he smiled. 

“Really?” You asked. 

“Really,” he smiled a little bigger. 

“I haven’t seen that movie since before the outbreak!” You were damn near giddy. Joel laughed. “Hey, don’t make fun of me, not all of us had the luxury of fuckin’ electricity over the last two decades alright?” 

“Not making fun,” he was still chuckling and you glared. “Swear I’m not, Sweetheart. You’re just very cute when you’re excited.” 

“OK first of all, I ain’t cute,” you said, getting on your knees next to him. “I’m intimidating.” 

“Very,” he agreed, trying not to laugh. 

“I am!” 

“Not arguin’, Baby,” he said. “You’re very intimidating. Just also very cute and very sexy.” 

You snorted. 

“Now you’re making fun,” he said, grabbing your hips and pulling you onto his lap so you were straddling him. “Don’t get to just make fun of my woman without consequences.” 

“Oh, I’m your woman now?” You raised your eyebrows but your heart swelled with it. 

“Ain’t you?” He cocked his head, his hands moved to your thighs, the wide spread of them sinking into your flesh through your jeans. 

You kissed him instead of replying and he stretched up into it, tugging you closer, your arms going around his neck, his tongue sliding past your lips to meet yours. 

“Alright,” he panted after a minute. “Not sure the movie is worth it now, should just get you home as quick as possible…” 

You laughed and kissed him again, lighter this time. 

“Brought this on yourself,” you said, smiling against him. “Shouldn’t have tried to be so nice to me.” 

“No good deed,” he kissed you and you laughed before you sat back from him, lacing your fingers with Joel’s. 

“Now that you’ve promised me Titanic, we have to go,” you toyed with this hands. He smiled. 

“Not THAT good a movie…” he teased. 

“Excuse you,” you said. “It has action and history and romance. It’s the perfect movie!” 

You leaned forward so the tip of your nose brushed his. 

“I’ll make it worth your while,” you smiled. 

He laughed a little. 

“Never thought you’d be talkin’ me into movie night,” he said. “But since you really wanna go that bad…” You smiled. “Can’t go drooling over that Leonardo whatever the fuck his name is, though. Gotta draw the line somewhere.” 

“That’s fine,” you smiled wider and kissed him one more time, grinning mischievously when you were done. “Always thought Kate was hotter, anyway.” 

You got up and helped him off the ground before he slung an arm over your shoulders and pulled you close enough to kiss your cheek and you smiled again. Smiled because it was Joel and anything with him seemed to make you happy. Smiled because you wanted to do so much more than kiss him. Smiled because touching him like this didn’t scare you. 

Proximity and touch still set you off with almost everyone else - Ellie the only other notable exception - but with Joel, it was a comfort. It meant he was close and you knew he was safe, so different from the men who had tormented you he may as well be a separate species. You wouldn’t mind spending the rest of your life with at least one of his hands on you all the damn time, some physical representation of the connection you felt toward him there for you to ground yourself in. 

“Meet you at yours before dinner?” He asked and you nodded. 

He separated from you before you got to the door of the stable. With the exception of Tommy, no one knew that you and Joel were together now. Jackson was a small town, you’d rather everyone wasn’t talking about you behind your back. It felt too new to share with all these people. You hadn’t even bothered to label it yourselves, never explicitly discussing any of it. You’d just both assumed that you’d be spending as much time as possible together now and touching when you did. That was fine by you. It was nice, having the feelings be quiet and private. You didn’t want to share them before you had a chance to fully understand them yourself. 

“See you then, Sweetheart.” 

Joel looked at you for a moment before he went to go back to work, a soft look in his eyes that made your heart race and heat pool low in your stomach. Like he wanted to just keep looking at you for a while, like he wanted to do nothing more than just be next to you. 

You watched him go, his broad shoulders and shaggy hair, and a thought settled comfortably into your skin. You loved him. You likely had for a while, you realized, just too afraid of what that meant to see it properly. 

You’d never loved someone you hadn’t lost. You’d just started to accept it with Justin when you had to kill him. Marisa moved on while you stayed behind, heart aching and desperately lonely, praying that she’d made it, that she was safe and happy and had found someone who could love her the way she deserved. Mark you’d never even had a chance to say goodbye to. 

The love you had for Joel felt different and the life you led here felt different, too. You’d only ever been in love during the end of the world, all of it tinged in desperation and fear, knowing there was a very real chance that the two of you might get torn apart or shot or changed into an infected, mindless thing. It made things desperate and needy and intense. 

Jackson was different. It had given you the space to start to come back into yourself, find the version of you that had been buried by fear and pain for years. It let you feel secure enough that you could grow to love Joel instead of being thrown into affection only to have no choice than to fight against drowning in it. 

But you were still apprehensive of it. You were in love with Joel. More in love with him than you’d been with anyone else. What if fate decided to take him, too? What if Jackson had lulled you into a false sense of security and he was in just as much danger here as he would be in the wilderness? 

You tried not to think about it as you got back to work. You’d lost so much, you weren’t sure you could survive losing Joel, too. 

You tried to focus on movie night, on taking Joel to bed after and not on the fact that he was going to be leaving Jackson to look for trouble. 

It was Joel. Everything was going to be fine. It had to be. 

*** 

“You’re pushin’ it,” Joel whispered in your ear as you pressed closer, your hand on the inside of his thigh. 

“No idea what you mean,” you whispered back. “Watch the movie, Rose is about to get naked, don’t want to miss that…” 

His lips trailed over your cheek, your temple until they were close enough that they brushed your ear when he spoke.

“Be better if it was you.” 

You turned and raised your eyebrows at him. 

“Bullshit I’m hotter than Kate Winslet.” 

He didn’t respond - even though you were. Instead, he lifted your chin and kissed you, trying not to think about undressing you, sinking into your wet heat, swallowing your desperate little sounds as you came. 

He was still amazed that he had you. He hadn’t even really considered something like this before you. That part of his life seemed long over. But he’d never imagined someone like you and now he couldn’t imagine life without you. He didn’t want to. 

You pulled away from him and he could just make out the needy look in your eyes in the light from the projector. 

“Wearing only this,” the movie said and you elbowed him. 

“Stop distracting me.” 

“Not doing a damn thing.” 

He tried to not kiss you again, just let his hand trail up and down your bare arm as you pressed closer to him but after a few minutes you twisted in his arms and reached up, your fingers knotting in his hair and pulling Joel’s lips to your own. 

“Thought you wanted to watch the movie,” he said quietly between kisses, happy the two of you had sat tucked in a slightly more private corner. 

“Shut up.” 

He laughed and kissed you one more time before you turned back to the screen. 

As much as he wanted to get you home and get you naked, it was almost as fun to watch you watch the movie. You were more relaxed than he’d ever seen you at movie night, the usual tension in your body nowhere to be found. He couldn’t help but look at you, your eyes wide and bright as you watched, every emotion playing out, unguarded, on your face. 

Definitely better than Kate Winslet naked. 

He walked to your house with an arm slung around your shoulders, your hand dangling from his like being against him wasn’t quite enough for you. 

“As good as you remember?” He asked and you laughed. 

“So fucking good. I’d forgotten a lot of it, almost like watching it for the first time. Shouldn’t have been too surprised about that, though. Lot about life here is like that.” 

“Yeah?” He asked, looking at you and fuck you were so damn pretty.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I heard the electricity in the walls for the first week or so I was here. Weird as fuck and then one day I woke up and I’d just gotten used to it, my brain learned how to tune it out again. Took a while to remember that I could just flip a light switch when it was dark, that I have a fridge to keep things cold and that I don’t need a fire if I want to heat something up.” 

You made it to your door, the light on in your entry way, a little stained glass lamp that glowed in the night. You unlocked the door and pulled Joel inside, wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your warm, soft body against him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to that, the feel of you against him, wanting and beautiful. 

“Lot of that with you, too,” you said, your eyes gentle and earnest. It was a look, Joel thought, that was reserved just for him. You looked only at him with your guard down, looked only at him in a way that made you vulnerable and open. He liked that part of you seemed to belong only to him. It felt like so much of him belonged only to you. 

He kissed you, slow and easy. 

“For me, too,” his nose brushed yours and you turned out the light before taking him upstairs. 

Joel liked undressing you, more than he remembered liking it with anyone else before. He liked that he took his shirts off your body, sliding the sleeves down your arms after untying it from your waist, revealing the smooth skin of your shoulders and neck, just the hint of your breasts spilling over the top of your tank top below. 

Your breaths got needy, panting around quiet little moans as your fingers deftly opened Joel’s shirt, movements getting rougher as you shoved it down his arms, frustrated groans when you couldn’t get it off right away. 

“In such a hurry,” he said quietly, breathlessly. 

You nipped at his lower lip. 

“Want you,” you said. “Can’t help it.” 

You gave up on the shirt, instead moving to his jeans, unbuttoning them, your hand reaching inside, finding his hard length with a contented sigh. Your thumb brushed his head and he moaned into your mouth, your touch sending a shudder through him, the hot ache of want flowing out from the root of his cock through the center of him, through his limbs, his fingers, his whole body driven toward you. 

You gently spread the precome leaking from his head over his cock and he had to fight to focus on something else - anything else - to avoid the risk of spilling into your hand. 

It took effort, conscious fucking effort, to not come too fast with you. Part of it, he was sure, was the fact that no one but himself had touched him in years. But the fact that it was you made it worse. You’d overwhelmed him on a level he’d never known before, in a way he wouldn’t have thought possible. The lightest touch from you was more intense, like he was hyperaware of it, every sensation reaching more than just his skin but instead to the very center of him. 

He’d backed you into your bed and you pulled your mouth from his, eyes wide and needy. 

“Can I try something?” You panted. 

“Course,” his hand went to your face, his thumb tight along the ridge of your cheekbone, his fingers slipping into your hair. “Told you before, you can do whatever you want with me.” 

You nodded and and turned with him, so he was against the bed instead of you. You pulled away from him enough to push his shirt down his arms and cast it aside before sliding off his pants, too. He stood, bare and exposed, in front of you as you looked into his eyes before you kissed him, nudging him down into sitting up on the edge of the bed. 

You followed him down, your hands going to his thighs to spread them and settle yourself between them. Your lips left his and trailed down his neck, his chest as you knelt in front of him, kisses cutting a burning path to the root of him. 

“Baby,” he groaned through gritted teeth. “Don’t have to do this…” 

“Thought you said I could do whatever I want?” You looked up at him, sitting back on your heels. You pulled your tank top up and over your head before you unhooked your bra, revealing your full breasts, nipples peaked with need. “Well, I want to taste you.” 

Your hand wrapped around his length before you brought your mouth to his tip, pressing just your tongue to it and giving the head of him a delicate lick, your eyes on his the entire time. 

“Fuck,” he panted, his hands clutching onto your blankets. The edges of your lips curved up, almost smiling before taking the head of him in your mouth with a delicious moan. He watched, enthralled, as you took him into you, your tongue pressing into the thick underside of him as you went. Joel resisted the urge to move his hips, to fuck into your soft, warm, wet mouth, fought to let you take him at your own pace. And then you were damn near swallowing him, his head pushing into your throat as you moaned around him, the vibration of your pleasure igniting the heat deep inside him. “Jesus Christ…” 

You sucked him harder for a moment before you started moving over him, sliding your mouth up and down his shaft. He had to stop looking at you for a moment, had to tilt his head back to look up at the ceiling, the sight of your lips stretched around him too much for him to take. He fought the drive to tangle his fingers in your hair and guide your mouth over him. 

But it was like you read his mind, your hand leaving his thigh and finding his, guiding it to your head and leaving it there as your hand returned to his leg. 

“God damn,” he managed. “Just… fuck, squeeze my legs if it’s too much.” 

You moaned in response and his fingers latched onto you, moving you up and down his cock at his own pace. You sucked and worked your tongue around him as he did, pressing into the thick vein along the bottom of him. He was getting dangerously close to coming in your mouth, right where he didn’t want to come. He needed to be inside you, needed to feel you coming around him, needed to fill your pussy with him, so much of him that you’d feel him inside of you for the days he was gone. 

When it felt like he was inches away from finishing he pulled you from him, whole body tense and aching. You looked up at him, eyebrows knitted together. 

“Don’t want to come before I properly have you,” he panted. “Need inside you.” 

“Good,” you wiped your mouth on the back of your wrist, messy with your spit and his precome. “Because I need you, too.” 

You stood between his legs and went to take your pants off but he brushed your hands aside, pulling you close so he could kiss your stomach, your hips, your scars as he unbuttoned your jeans and slid them and your underwear down together. He heard your breath catch as his hands slid around the back of you, fingers digging into the flesh of your ass as he looked up at you, his lips against your skin. 

You moved to straddle him, your knees bracketing his hips and you aligned his head with your entrance, your wet heat so close he could feel you over him. Your eyes searched his for a moment as he held you close, the sensation of you threatening to overwhelm him. You kissed him with a moan, hard and deep, as you sank onto his cock. 

“Fuck Baby,” he moaned, feeling you stretch over him, the velvet vise of you as you made room for him inside of you. “Fuck, you feel… Jesus Christ.” 

You took him fully in you and settled on him for a moment. He could feel every twitch of your muscles as you adjusted to his size, feel the thrum of your pulse, the wetness that covered and enveloped him. You were heaven incarnate and it was impossible to not feel like a trespasser inside something as good as you. 

He watched you as you started to move over him, slow at first, steady, the rise and fall of you in line with your shaking breaths. Joel couldn’t help but marvel at you, that you trusted him enough to be with him this way, that you were willing to share yourself with him this way. 

He knew this was no small thing. That you used to shock away from his touch and that now you reached for him, took him inside yourself into your most intimate and vulnerable place seemed nothing short of miraculous and something in him, even now, was terrified of losing this with you. Joel wasn’t sure why you’d picked him of all people to trust but he was going to do everything he could to keep it. 

You increased your pace, your hips moving over him so his head was catching against a soft place deep inside you, a place that made your breaths stutter. 

“Joel,” you moaned, pressing your ass back into his hands and his grip got tighter. “Fuck, you’re so deep…” 

He helped leverage your thrust down and he felt your core tighten around him, a sharp little spasm, as he did. 

“I know Baby,” he groaned. “Can feel you getting close, feel you wanting to come on me.” 

“I do,” you almost winced as you came down hard on him again. “Fuck, I’m so close. Want you to come too, Joel, want to feel you…” 

“I’ll come when you do,” he said, his teeth gritted, his hold on you tightening. “Just come for me, come for me and I’ll fill you up so good, Sweetheart, promise I will, just come for me.” 

You rode him faster and harder for a moment before you thrust him deep and he felt you come apart around him, your walls fluttering over him as you cried out with it. 

“Atta girl, fuck,” he thrust his hips up to press himself ever so slightly deeper as you milked his cock and he gave himself over to the orgasm it felt like he’d been holding off for an eternity, spilling into you deep and hard. 

Joel collapsed back onto your bed, taking you with him so you were draped over him, his softening cock still deep inside you. 

“Think you should talk Tommy into letting you stay home,” you said, voice sleepy. 

Joel laughed a little, his hands splayed wide over your back. 

“Only a few days,” he kissed the top of your head, feeling the weight of you on his chest as he breathed, the reassurance that you were close. 

“I know,” you sighed. “Just gotten used to you being here. I like you in my bed. Or being in yours.” 

“Me too,” he said softly, moving to trace the line of your spine. 

“You’ll be safe?” You lifted your head from his chest enough to look at him, your eyes wide. 

“I’ll be safe,” he tucked you back against his chest and kissed your head. “Nothing gonna stop me from comin’ home to you.” 

The next morning, you stayed closer than usual as the two of you got ready to go. You pulled him into shower with you, pressing your body tight to him, working his cock with your hand as he gently circled your clit until he came on your stomach and you all but collapsed with the force of your orgasm, Joel holding you close, keeping you both from falling to the tile floor. 

But after, it shifted. He washed your hair, fingers gentle on your scalp as he worked the shampoo through it. You cleaned his chest, your soapy hands running over his skin, tracing little patterns on him. Once you were both clean, you pressed yourself against him, the hot water running over both of you, and you reached up to knot your fingers in his hair and kiss him, seemingly just happy to touch him with nothing between you for a while. 

“You go on ahead to the stables,” he said as the two of you left your house, your still damp hair braided, one of Joel’s shirts on with the sleeves rolled up and the bottom knotted around your waist. “Know you’ve got a lot to do and I’ll be a few minutes, too busy spendin’ time with you to get packed.” 

“But…” you frowned but he kissed your forehead. 

“See you in a few.” 

Joel watched you continue on to the stables before he went inside. 

He really did need to get packed but there was one other thing he wanted to check on, one you didn’t know about and he didn’t want you to until it was done. 

Joel packed his bag quickly and went into the small workshop on the back of the house. The guitar he’d been making for you for months now was sitting there, propped up so the finish he’d applied had a chance to dry. He delicately tested the wood and his finger didn’t stick. He smiled a little. He’d cut it close but it was done. 

You so loved playing, it seemed wrong that you didn’t have a guitar of your own. But Joel still wanted you to have some connection to him when you played, even if you weren’t using his instrument anymore. So he made you one. It had been slow going, things seeming not quite right or just not good enough for you. But he’d focused on getting it finished up for you, spending what seemed like every second he wasn’t with you or working finishing it up. 

He got some strings he’d set aside for it and the tuning pegs and bridge pins before heading for the stables, finding you there saddling up horses for the patrol team. 

“Still the first one here,” you smiled over your shoulder at him. 

“Good,” he said, coming over and kissing your temple. “Like getting another few minutes with you. Think I can have your attention for a minute?” 

“Think I can manage that,” you smiled, turning to properly face him, your hands in your back pockets. “Don’t think we can get up to much trouble in here, though, no time…” 

“Not lookin’ for trouble,” he said, lifting the guitar by the neck and holding it out to you. You frowned and took it. “Thought you’d like something to play while I’m gone.”

“This isn’t your guitar,” you said, your eyebrows knitted together as you looked over the instrument in your hands. 

“No,” Joel smiled. “It’s yours.” 

Your head flew up, eyes wide. 

“You’re joking.” 

“M’not,” he smiled. “Made it for you.” 

“You made this?” You gaped at him. He laughed and nodded. “Joel… I… this is…” 

“You get it on one condition,” he said. You nodded eagerly and he tried not to laugh again. “You still come by even though you don’t need to borrow mine anymore.” 

“Think that can be arranged,” you said, misty eyed as you looked back down at the guitar. “This is so… Joel…” 

“Just take care of yourself while I’m gone,” he said. “I’m comin’ back to you as quick as I can.” 

You threw the arm not holding the neck of the guitar around his neck and kissed him. 

“You better come back in one piece,” you said, breathless. “Gotta thank you properly for this.” 

Joel felt good as the patrols got underway, the pairs of horses leaving Jackson with him and Tommy bringing up the rear. Just a few days and he’d be back. Back to you and the life he was finding with you here. 

“Joel!” 

Ellie’s sharp voice stopped him. He looked back over his shoulder to see her standing at the gate, her arms crossed, looking upset. 

“One minute,” he told Tommy, riding back to Ellie and dismounting. “Baby Girl, everything OK?” 

“You just had to take her from me, didn’t you?” She stared him down. 

“What…” he frowned but she cut him off. 

“You know how many people I have that aren’t yours in some way?” She demanded. “People who can help me who aren’t also just trying to fucking figure everything out?” 

“Ellie, I don’t…” 

“I had someone!” She looked hurt. “Bambi was mine, she was my fucking friend and now that you’re doing… whatever the fuck it is you’re doing, she’ll pick you and she’ll leave me.” 

Joel sighed and closed his eyes for a second. This wasn’t how he’d wanted Ellie to find out, he should have been more careful at the movies the night before instead of making out with you like some damn teenager in the back row, he was sure that’s what had done it. 

“Kiddo, I know how much she cares about you, she wouldn’t…” 

“Does she know?” Ellie snapped cutting him off. “Does she know about all the shit you’ve done? Does she know everything you did in that fucking hospital?” Something on Joel’s face must have told Ellie the answer, the horror there. She smirked. “Didn’t think so. You really think she’ll still want you after that? After everything you’ve done? Because I don’t.” 

His heart sank. He’d never told you about what he’d done for Ellie, didn’t want you to know the whole truth of what he’d been before he went to the QZ. He wanted to be something different for you, something better, wanted to pretend like who he’d been before was dead and gone because, in so many ways, it felt like he was. 

“Ellie.” 

“Good luck on patrol,” she turned on her heel and walked away. 

“Joel!” Tommy yelled as he watched Ellie leave. “Let’s go, you’re holdin’ everything up!” 

He debated, for a moment, telling Tommy that he couldn’t go. That something had come up, that he had to stay and handle it. 

But the patrol needed to happen. Things had gone too long already, the new horses only recently to the point that the further flung checks could happen. Him staying back would leave a vital place unchecked. 

He got back on his horse and followed Tommy, trying not to think about Ellie’s unspoken threat. She might hate him but she wasn’t cruel, would she really do something like that just to hurt him? 

It was all he could think about. How to fix the damaged relationship with the girl he felt was his daughter, how to tell you the truth of everything he’d done, how he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he lost you the way he’d lost her. 

He didn’t sleep well the first night out on patrol and he was still distracted the next day. 

Distracted enough that he was missing things, Tommy the only one of the two of them catching any signs of infected. 

Distracted enough that he didn’t know anyone else was there until the shooting started. 

***

Joel made you a guitar. 

He made you a fucking guitar. 

A whole instrument, just made it for you. Because he wanted to give you something you so desperately wanted. 

You weren’t sure you’d ever been so touched by anything. 

Once you were done at the stables for the day, you went straight home to string your guitar and play it. You’d had to force yourself to actually do your job for the first time since you’d started working at the stables, the instrument sitting in the corner, a constant reminder of what you’d rather be doing. 

You’d already decided to skip dinner, didn’t care much about doing anything but this. You just got the guitar set, started playing the first chords the instrument had ever had, when there was a sharp knock on your door. You groaned and considered ignoring it before you set the guitar next to you on the couch and headed for the door, Ellie looking upset through the glass. 

“Hey Kid,” you frowned. “Everything OK? I know Joel’s gone but I can help if…” 

“Can I talk to you?” She asked. “Inside?” 

“Sure,” you stepped aside and opened the door. “Come on in.” 

You led the way to the living room and picked the guitar back up, playing random chords as Ellie paced. She stopped after a moment, looking at you. 

“Nice guitar.” 

“Joel made it,” you smiled, couldn’t help it. “Just now breaking it in…” 

“So you and Joel,” she cut you off. You froze for a second, your hand hovering over the strings. “Thought you said you weren’t fucking him.” 

“Pretty sure I also said that whatever and whoever I did in bed was none of your business,” you replied. 

“There’s shit about him you don’t know,” she said. 

You shrugged. 

“Shit about me he doesn’t know, too. We’ve both lived a lot of life, I’ll never know everything about him.” 

“You should know this,” she said, sitting next to you on the couch. “You deserve to know the kind of person he is.” 

You frowned, the look on her face making your stomach clench. 

If it had been anyone else, you’d have brushed it off. It was Joel. You knew Joel. He was a good man, the kind of man who loved a child who wasn’t his, who hadn’t judged you for everything that had happened to you. 

But you also knew Ellie and you’d never seen her like this. She was a kid but she was a smart kid, a kid who had survived a lot. 

And something had driven her and Joel apart. 

“Alright,” you said, setting the guitar down gently on your coffee table. “Tell me.” 

She looked at you for a moment before she took a deep breath and rolled up her sleeve. You frowned and she held it out to you, her wrist to her elbow covered in scar tissue. 

“What did Joel tell you about me?” She asked. 

“That you’re from Boston, an orphan,” you said. “Had some family out west, he was hired to get you to them, they were dead before you got here…” 

“He lied.” 

She took your hand and guided it to a spot on the scarring, making you trace it with your fingertips. 

“What’s that feel like?” 

“I dunno,” you shrugged. “Like scar tissue… Ellie, did Joel do this to you?” 

“No,” she almost laughed. “No, I did this to myself. Most of it. Except the part your touching.” 

“What?” You frowned, looking at her. “Why would you do this to yourself, I don’t…” 

“Does that feel like a bite?” She asked. Your frown deepened. “Because that’s what it is. It’s a bite from an infected.” 

You took your hand back and you glared at her. 

“That shit isn’t funny, Kid,” you said, probably sterner than you should have. “You weren’t alive yet during the outbreak but I lost people to shit like bites, everyone fucking did, it’s not a goddamn joke.” 

“I know it’s not,” she said, her face open and honest. She took your hands. “I know it’s not a joke, it’s not a joke to me either, I lost people, too, OK? That’s how I got bit in the first place, I was goofing off in a place I shouldn’t have been with… we got bit. She turned. I didn’t.” 

You just stared at her for a moment. 

“Ellie,” you shook your head. “No, that… that’s not possible, you’re wrong, you weren’t really bit or…” 

“Trust me, I was bit,” she said. “I’ve been bit twice now, actually. I get bit, it hurts but nothing happens. I don’t change. I’m immune.” 

“You’re…” 

You couldn’t say it. Instead you just looked at her arm again, gingerly reaching your hand out to trace your thumb over the odd pattern of bumps below the scarring. The one that was shaped like a bite. 

“No one knows,” she said. “No one except Joel and Tommy. I have to keep it a secret, who knows what people would do if they knew. So I gave myself a chemical burn to cover the bites.” 

You looked at her again. Whether this was true or not, you weren’t sure, but Ellie believed it was. That you could tell, that was the part that mattered. 

“What does this have to do with you and Joel?” You asked, taking your hands back again. 

“Joel was hired to take me across the country,” she said. “But not to my family. He was hired to bring me to a research facility where they were developing a cure, they wanted to use me to fix everything. They had a doctor who knew how to do it, who could find a way to set everything right.” 

“That’s incredible,” you said. You knew nothing about medicine beyond basic first aid to keep yourself alive but it sounded impossible. If it was doable, it seemed like someone would have done it by now. “So what happened? There’s not a cure floating around out there, right? I’ve been pretty out of the loop but…” 

“He got me this far,” she said, her jaw clenched tight. “And we found the facility. We went through a lot to get there, we almost died so many fucking times, I had to keep him from fucking bleeding to death on the floor of a goddamn basement, I… The point is, we came all that way. We went through all that shit and…” 

She took a deep breath, like she was centering herself. 

“We found the facility,” she said again. “And the doctor was there, he was ready to take what he needed from me and ready to make a cure. I don’t know how but he was. And Joel stopped him.” 

You stared, your mouth open, trying to process what she was saying. 

“That…” you began but stopped. “What do you mean Joel stopped them? That doesn’t make any fucking sense, Ellie, why would he stop them? What do you mean he stopped them?” 

“I mean there’s no fucking cure now because of Joel,” she said, her voice hot. 

“Why,” you said it more than asked it. “Ellie, there has to be a reason, there has to be, he wouldn’t have stopped them for no reason there has to be a reason. Was it going to hurt you or…” 

She looked down, her jaw tense. You could see the muscle of it twitching near her ear. 

“That’s it, isn’t it?” You asked. “It would have hurt you and he wouldn’t let them.” 

“It would have killed me, OK?” She snapped. “They needed my brain, my brain has cordyceps and they needed them to make it and Joel wouldn’t let them take my stupid brain.” 

You just looked at her for a moment. 

“Ellie,” you said quietly. “Is that why you hate Joel? Is that why you won’t speak to him, because he saved your life?” 

“He saved me from doing something that would have fucking mattered!” She yelled it, tears in her eyes. “My life would have fucking meant something! Instead I’m just here, going to fucking school and playing fucking music and…” 

“You’re living a life, Kid,” you said gently. “You think that doesn’t matter? That it’s not important?” 

“Know what he did to get me out of there?” She was crying now, not even trying to stop it. She yanked her sleeve back down, covering the burn on her arm. “I’ll tell you what he did, he killed them. Dozens of people, he murdered them. Including the doctor who could have made the cure. He’s dead. He’s dead and there’s no hope for a cure because of fucking Joel.” 

“Oh honey,” you pulled her against you, her head dropping to your chest, her tears soaking your shirt. You just held her for a bit. “It’s OK, Kid. You’re alright.” 

After a few minutes, she sat up, wiping her tears on the backs of her sleeves. 

“You can’t think what he did was right,” she said. “It’s fucking evil, he can’t…” 

“Ellie,” you said, keeping your voice calm and even. “That’s not evil, that’s what a parent does. They do everything they can - everything - to keep their child alive.” 

“But…” 

“Doesn’t matter what it is,” you said. “You’re Joel’s kid. Of course he did whatever was necessary to keep you safe, that includes killing. It would include killing before, too, but especially now.” 

“No,” she shook her head. “No, I wanted them to make a cure, I don’t care that it would have killed me, I wanted to do it! He took that from me!” 

“You really think there’s any part of Joel that would have just let them kill you, no matter what it meant?” You asked. “That he’d let someone hurt you?” 

“To save the fucking world?” She snapped. “Yeah, yeah, I do.” 

You smiled a little sadly at her, trying not to cry yourself. You tried not to think of the pain Joel must have been in, thinking he brought his child to someplace that was going to hurt her, kill her. That he’d led her to the end and given her to people who would destroy her. 

Your chest was tight. 

“That’s not how it works, Kid,” you said. “You think you’re saying that he had a choice but you’re not. He didn’t, he never did. When you love someone that much, it doesn’t matter what the other choice is. If one side is that person’s life, you do whatever it takes to save them. It doesn’t matter what it costs.”

“But…” 

You cut her off. 

“Do you think he could picture a world without you?” You asked. “Do you think he’d see anything worth saving without you? He was never going to be able to save the world, not unless you were part of it.” 

“You can’t be serious.” 

“I am,” you shrugged. She opened her mouth to argue but didn’t seem to come up with something to say. You kept going. “Do you think I’d do anything different? That I wouldn’t kill to keep you alive? That I wouldn’t do the same in a second for my kid? That’s how it works. You love someone enough, you do anything for them.” 

Her eyes looked a little glassy and she dabbed at them with the insides of her wrists. 

“You’re close with Tommy and Maria, right?” You asked. “With William?” 

“Yeah,” she sniffed. 

“If someone came to you and said they could save the world as long as you would let them kill William, would you let them?” You asked. “Would you hand him over to them? Or would you fight to protect him?” 

“That’s….” She shook her head. “That’s different, he’s just a little kid, that’s different.” 

“Is it?” You asked. “Do you really think it would be different in 10 years? That there’s a magic number where you’d let someone hurt him? Kill him?

“What if it was reversed?” You kept going. “If it was Joel, do you think you’d have let them murder him? Done nothing if you were in his position? Kid, if this is the reason you’re mad at him, I think you need to think about it more. You may not be able to fully understand it but I know him. He loves you so much, I don’t think he could have survived you dying. I’m not sure any parent really does if they lose a child. And you are his child, Ellie. Hate him or not, that’s who you are to him. And there isn’t a single parent on this planet who wouldn’t have done the exact same thing he did.” 

She slumped back on the couch. She looked exhausted. You settled in next to her and her head dropped to your shoulder before she sighed. 

“How do I forgive him for taking that from me?” She asked. “The chance to matter?” 

“He didn’t take that from you,” you said. “You always mattered. Still do. You don’t have to save the world to matter.” 

She sighed and looked numb. 

“Hungry?” You asked. 

“Yeah,” she laughed a little. “Yeah, I am.” 

You left her on the couch and got some jerky and fruit from the kitchen, handing some of it to her before flopping back next to her. She bit into some jerky and sighed. 

“How you feeling?” You asked, taking a bite of jerky yourself. 

She sighed again.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t know that I can forgive him.” 

“Do you need to?” You asked. 

She frowned. 

“What if you just tried to think about why he did what he did,” you said. “Don’t worry about if it was good or bad, just think about what it would have been like for him then. It’s over and done with, Kid. Can’t go back and change it now. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life pissed at the man who loves you so much that you’re the whole world to him? After everything you went through, I’m pretty sure you care about him, too. Don’t make your life any harder than it has to be. Don’t try to fuck up the thing he did all that just to give you.” 

You convinced Ellie to dance party with you and listened through some albums before she decided she wanted to sleep over instead of going home to be alone. 

“Wait,” she said after the two of you were in your bed. “Have you two fucked in here?” 

“Kid.” 

“Ugh ew,” she groaned. You laughed at that. “He told me he was leaving and when he was getting back but I kind of blocked it out. Guessing you know since you guys are all… gross now.” 

“He’s back day after tomorrow,” you smiled a little, even though it was too dark for her to see it. 

She sighed heavily. 

“I guess I can maybe think about talking to him then,” she said. “And before you get too excited, I said I’d think about it. I might still hate him.” 

You didn’t think she’d ever really hated him. 

“Sure, Kid.”

Ellie rolled over and pressed her back against your front. You froze for a moment before putting your arm around her. 

“Thanks, Bambi,” she said quietly. 

“Any time,” you replied. “Love you, Kid. And I know Joel, does, too.” 

“Yeah,” she said. “I know.” 

You drifted off, counting down to when Joel came home. Hoping he’d come back safe, ignoring the nervous pull in your stomach that told you he might not. 

It was Joel. He had to be OK. 

He just had to.

Next Chapter

A/N: Y'all, I promise this isn't the big angsty bit yet. Just a little angst. As a treat.

Thanks for putting up with me and for being here and spending your time with these characters. It truly means so much to me.

Love you!!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123

[sansaorgana]

— DINNER AT THE SHELBYS

🚨 This fanfic is a repost from 08 Apr 2022 from my different blog. I kept the Author's Note and everything from the fic the same as it was back then.

PAIRING — Jack Nelson x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — Before you go back to Boston, you spend a night at the Shelby’s with your husband. What was supposed to be a nice dinner, turns out to be a one huge mess when he gets drunk on whiskey and two uninvited guests join you by the table.

AUTHOR’S NOTE [08 Apr 2022] — In S06E01 Tommy tells Michael that Jack takes his wife and lover to the UK and we actually never saw them, which is a shame... Or actually not LOL Anyway, me being me, there’s a fic. I wouldn’t call Reader a nice person but she absolutely hates Mosley and Diana. Jack is a cheater (like in canon, I guess).

WORD COUNT — 3,660

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

DINNER AT THE SHELBYS

When you arrived at the Arrow House it was already dark outside and it was a head-maid with Mrs. Shelby greeting you in the hall. She didn’t look very happy to see you and your husband but you decided to ignore it since she was a woman in a state of mourning.

“My husband is not home yet,” she informed you. “He will meet you at dinner. We serve at eight.”

“Thank you,” you forced a smile in her direction and followed the maid upstairs to your guest bedroom.

It was quite impressive, you had to admit. And your bags were already waiting for you there.

“Mr. and Mrs. Nelson,” the maid bowed her head a little before leaving the room. “If you need anything, I am at your disposal.”

“Yes, thank you,” you nodded your head and watched her close the door.

You sighed and crouched down in front of your bags to take out all the things you needed before taking a shower while Jack kept staring outside the window.

“Huh?” you asked him.

“He’s got lots of land,” your husband pointed out.

“Yeah, so?” you straightened your back. “It’s a shithole. We’re in the middle of fucking nowhere.”

“You don’t like this house?” Jack turned around to look at you and he smirked.

“It’s dark and kinda scary. You seen the portrait by the staircase? It’s of his dead wife. Gave me creeps, honestly!” you rolled your eyes and then you lowered your voice. “Haven’t seen the portrait of the current one, though.”

“You’re looking for a sensation as usual,” Jack sighed and shook his head but he let out a chuckle before putting his hands into his pockets. “Can’t wait to get off that fucking island.”

“Me too,” you agreed. “Can’t wait to see the kids and be back home. People here are so awful, Jack. But at least your niece had lots of fun. Poor thing, she didn’t realize they were all making fun of her.”

“Gina’s not very bright, that’s a fact,” Jack shrugged his arms and sat down on a sofa. “But she’s pretty, which is useful.”

“Oh, and I am not?” you laughed and approached the sofa to stand above him.

“You’re the prettiest, you know that, doll,” Jack grinned and extended his hand to squeeze yours.

“I’m going to take a shower now. Do you think I should wear a black dress?” you asked.

“You don’t have to,” Jack shrugged his arms. “I mean, let’s brighten up the mood a little.”

“I don’t want to be inappropriate either,” you rolled your eyes and approached the door leading to the bathroom.

“Since when do you care?” your husband snorted at that. “I’m glad we’re getting off that fucking island ‘cause you’re becoming boring like them.”

“Excuse me?!” you put your hands on your hips. “Since you’re a businessman, Jack, since you’re a businessman…!” you protested but didn’t care about the answer. You disappeared in the bathroom instead.

Twenty minutes later you went back to the bedroom and saw Jack reading some book while laying on the sofa with his legs on the backrest.

“Shoes,” you pointed at his feet but he didn’t react in any way.

You laid down on the silky sheets and let out a small moan. That finally brought his attention as he raised an eyebrow at you from above the book.

“Oh, fuck me, Jack. Have you felt the sheets? I bet they imported them from Shanghai. That’s where he’s making the drug business, isn’t it?” you caressed the soft material.

“Well, we can order the same ones,” he shrugged his arms and glanced at his watch. “We don’t have much time. Dress up.”

“What dress, Jack?” you whined and left the bed lazily.

“Yellow.”

“Don’t be stupid! That would be highly inappropriate,” you scolded him.

“It’s the color of mourning in Egypt,” he sat up and put the book down.

“And how the fuck do you know?!” you laughed at him and opened the bag with dresses.

“I know things.”

“Not a day without you surprising me with some random shit,” you sighed and decided to take out the red one. Jack laughed. “What?” you asked him and furrowed your brow.

“Red is not inappropriate, doll?” he teased.

“That bitch Diana Mitford criticized it, remember?” you gritted your teeth. “She told me it screamed cheap.”

“I doubt the Shelbys would mind cheap,” Jack shrugged his arms.

“Exactly,” you pointed a finger at him and nodded. “I’m really glad we won’t have to see all those people again… Because we won’t, right?” you furrowed your brow at him and took your robe off.

“I don’t know, baby,” Jack sighed. “I’ve told you. It’s business.”

“I like how that Mosley guy treats you,” you admitted. “He’s not showing disrespect, he’s showing off in front of you. Never thought I’d have an English upper class dickhead bootlicking me,” you winked and stepped between the folds of the dress’ fabrics. “Button me up, baby?”

Jack stood up to help you with the dress. When he finished his work with all the buttons he leaned in to place a kiss on the base of your neck that sent shivers down your spine.

“Oh, Jack,” you giggled and put your head back to caress his head.

“You look beautiful,” he murmured into your ear and placed his hands on your waist. “You always do, wherever we are. You’re the prettiest in the room.”

“Jack…!” you chuckled. “Can you just promise me one thing?”

“Yes, doll?”

“Don’t drink too much whiskey tonight, alright? Pretty please.”

“Fuck wine, whiskey!” Jack interrupted his story about Gina and barked at the butler that was about to serve him the liquor. His fist banged the table and you flinched at that a little while giving Mr. and Mrs. Shelby an apologetic look. “Shelby, you having whiskey?”

“Jack…” you hissed at him and kicked his calf under the table.

“I’ll stay on wine,” Mr. Shelby answered.

“Fuck wine! More whiskey. I’m celebrating,” Jack explained and you rolled your eyes at that.

You didn’t know why some part of you wanted to impress those people. You didn’t feel this way with all the upper class bastards but somehow you wanted to impress the Shelbys. Perhaps it was caused by the fact that they were the same kin as you and Jack. There was a silent competition between the two working class self made families about who had achieved more.

Who had become more posh.

You looked at Mrs. Shelby from the corner of your eye. Jack told you about her past but she looked like a proper lady. She deserved a huge portrait in that house, you thought.

“Celebration, you know. Getting off this fucking island,” Jack continued and you sighed ostentatiously. “You see, the thing with England, the currency here, it’s not money,” he started to explain while waving his hand and you looked down, embarrassed by his little stunt. “Nah, you got bored of money a long time ago. Cos you know, anyone can have money, you can fucking…” he stopped to look up at the butler with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

Jack pointed at the table and the butler put the glass down.

“Actually, I want more wine,” you whispered to the man and he nodded.

“...you can fucking find money in the mud. You can forge money,” Jack went back to his speech and you took the glass of wine from the butler and sipped on it. “Mr. Shelby, you can steal money, am I right?” your husband looked at Mr. Shelby and you coughed, choking on the wine.

“Jack…” you hissed once again. It was awful how awkward he was making the whole evening and the reason behind that was the golden liquor in his glass.

“The currency here… it’s blood,” he ignored you because of course he did. He always did in situations like this. A short silence occurred. “And Mr. Shelby knows that better than all of them. Blood here is like wine,” Jack pointed at the bottle standing on the table and you furrowed your brow at Mrs. Shelby.

She was moving uncomfortably but you couldn’t quite understand why. Of course, the situation was a bit embarrassing but she looked like she was about to run out of the room at any given moment. You also noticed how she was sitting far away from her husband. There was definitely something shady going on there.

“...like the vintage wine in that bottle. It’s the… It’s the label, it’s the terroir, it’s the grape that makes the wine,” Jack rambled on and all his gesticulation meant that he had just started. He was a charismatic man, of course he was, but it was not good when mixed with alcohol. “Who fucking cares about the glass around it?” he looked at unbothered Mr. Shelby. “And you, my friend, you’re an American. You fucking smash the glass!” Jack banged his fist on the table once again, this time with so much force that all the dinnerware clattered. You could feel your cheeks burning out of embarrassment. “You spill the blood and you spend their currency to get what you want. Am I right?” Jack asked with a smirk.

But there was no answer, of course, because why would it be after such a speech. You cleared your throat out loud.

“When you come to America, I will show you things,” Jack pointed his finger at Mr. Shelby and Mrs. Shelby raised her head, alarmed. Apparently she had no idea about it so you went back to sipping on your wine and observing.

You loved the drama.

“You’re going to America?” she asked her husband.

“To Canada, Lizzie, to collect the payment for the shipment,” Mr. Shelby explained to her. “I need to do it myself.”

“And who will be going with you?” she asked and you furrowed your brow.

You found it weird that they had been discussing such matters by the table around strangers. Jack was usually telling you about his business when you were alone in the bedroom.

“Michael will be there to watch his back,” Jack answered her but you kicked him under the table to shut up. You wanted more of a drama between Mr. and Mrs. Shelby.

“Another journey, Tommy?” Mrs. Shelby leaned in to her husband.

“Five million, Mrs. Shelby,” you faked a smile at her, “It’s worth a little cruise, don’t you think?”

You wanted to stir in the pot and you had succeeded because Mrs. Shelby’s eyes widened a little after realizing that you had known about everything.

Well, you didn’t know about lots of things. But you knew about some.

“Anyway,” you cleared your throat and changed the topic, playing with the glass of wine in your hand as you laid your eyes on Mr. Shelby. He was quite attractive, you had to admit. “I’ve heard you were born on a boat, Mr. Shelby?” you asked and there was no response.

God, these people were really fucking stiff.

“I was born on a boat, too,” you told him and he raised his eyebrows. “On a ship,” you specified. “On a ship to America. Many people here think America is made up. There’s not such a thing as an American, Mrs. Nelson. I’ve heard that a lot during the boring parties with all those lords and ladies,” you winced. “You, Europeans, you prefer to think that an American is actually an European or an African or an Asian – someone who came there on a ship. But I am a real American, Mr. Shelby. I was born on a fucking boat to parents who didn’t speak English, with no money in their pockets,” you put the glass down and extended your hands towards Mr. Shelby. “Look. Not at the golden rings. Look at my hands,” you opened them. “They're the hands of a working class girl. I am proud of that, Mr. Shelby. But people here, they looked with disgust. I refused to wear gloves.”

He only blinked a few times at your hands and then at you. Probably thought you were as crazy as your husband. Perhaps you were.

“What do you think, Mr. Shelby…” you sighed and took your hands away. “All those Europeans I have met here, are they saying America is made up out of ignorance or… fear? Do they fear what America might become?”

“I didn’t know you were interested in geopolitics, Mrs. Nelson,” Mr. Shelby smiled at you in a patronizing way.

“Look, Jack,” you pushed your husband’s elbow. “He’s just like all of them. Just like the rest.”

Mr. and Mrs. Shelby moved uncomfortably and Jack snorted at that while sipping on his whiskey.

“Mr. Shelby, there’s a car coming up the drive,” a maid interrupted you suddenly. “A Rolls-Royce. Were you expecting more guests?”

“No,” Mr. Shelby shook his head, surprised. Then he took his cigarette out of the ashtray and a sip of wine. “Excuse me,” he looked at you and left the dining room to check the source of trouble.

“I love your dress, Mrs. Shelby,” you told her casually and finished your glass of wine. She only nodded at you, a bit taken aback.

“Thank you, Mrs. Nelson.”

You squinted your eyes at her. She didn’t compliment you back.

“Shh,” you grabbed Jack’s wrist and looked at the door. “I can hear the voices,” you furrowed your brow. “Oh God, no… It’s them.”

“We came to say one last farewell,” Oswald Mosley walked inside the room with a huge grin on his face. You rolled your eyes and then you clenched your jaw at the sight of Lady Diana Mitford following him inside. She had a gorgeous gown on and she smirked at you with a mix of pity and resentment. She really hated that red dress of yours. “It isn’t that I wasn’t sure Mr. Shelby would give you an excellent send-off…” Mosley started as Diana sat next to you. You instinctively moved a bit closer to your husband. “I just felt, since telegrams and wires and letters can be easily intercepted,” he sat down next to Mrs. Shelby and leaned back comfortably like he was at his own home, “we might confirm all that we’ve achieved during your visit over champagne,” he looked at Jack.

“Actually, we weren’t supposed to discuss business tonight, Mr. Mosley,” you faked a smile at him.

Now it was Jack kicking your calf under the table. You kicked him back.

“Well, Mrs. Nelson is right. We can talk about different things,” Diana smirked. “It is remarkable how quickly our relationships have developed. So many triangles in this room,” she added mysteriously. “Everyone except for Mr. and Mrs. Nelson is the point of a triangle,” she looked at Mrs. Shelby.

You pointed your finger at the empty glass in your hand to signalize to the butler that you wanted more. Apparently, the drama was just about to start.

“How am I part of a triangle?” Mrs. Shelby asked while taking a drag of her cigarette.

“Mr. Nelson, you have all that you came for?” Mosley asked your husband and the butler poured you more wine.

“I have confirmation that the future of Europe is in the hands of men like yourselves,” Jack’s voice became serious despite all the whiskey in his blood system. You often had a feeling that Jack was sometimes pretending to be more drunk than he truly was.

“And that urgent conversations between Washington, Rome and of course Berlin can now begin,” Mosley nodded. “A two-week visit that may have changed the course of history,” he grabbed the glass of champagne.

“We have all got what we wanted,” Jack raised his hands.

“Yes,” Diana nodded with her eyes focused on Mr. Shelby and Mr. Shelby only. You squeezed Jack’s thigh under the table and brought his attention to her with the movement of your eyes. “And I got what I have wanted from the moment I set my eyes on it.”

Mr. Shelby looked down and blinked a few times, avoiding her gaze. Mrs. Shelby looked at him and you pursed your lips.

“Elizabeth,” Diana addressed her, “you are a very lucky woman to have each day what I have only sampled once.”

The heavy silence and awkwardness made it really difficult for you to keep a poker face on. Jack grinned like crazy as well.

But it was easy for him to grin. He was a man.

He was a cheater.

Mrs. Shelby put the cigarette down and hurried out of the dining room. You decided to follow her as some part of you pitied her but the other part just wanted to hear even more gossip.

“Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom,” you smiled at everyone in a fake way and went outside.

You turned around after hearing rapid footsteps. You followed them and found yourself in the hall upstairs. She was on her way to their bedroom.

“Mrs. Shelby?” you asked and she froze, slowly turning around.

“Yes?” she furrowed her brow. You could see her wet eyes even in the dim light surrounding you both.

“You let her win,” you told her and she clenched her jaw. “You let that bitch win, you showed her you were hurt.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Nelson, but you are not in a position to…”

“Jack fucked every whore in London,” you interrupted her and she closed her mouth. “These women, they’re all the same – they wear the same smirks, they use the same tones. More than one of them back in Boston has done the same thing to me. They want you to know that they fucked your husband.”

“How can you live with that, Mrs. Nelson?”

You shrugged your arms.

“All men cheat, it’s a fact. Men are whores,” you explained. “It’s better to accept that, Mrs. Shelby.”

“So what would you tell that bitch?”

“I don’t know… I would pretend that I knew about it, that it doesn’t bother me. I’d give a snarky remark if I was in the mood,” you chuckled. “But at the end of the day…” you started with a sigh.

“You’re hurt?”

“No,” you shook your head. “What I wanted to say is that at the end of the day Jack is my husband. I know that he loves me.”

“I know that Thomas cheats,” she stated and leaned on the wall before crossing her arms. “We have a difficult relationship, I had to accept that. But something about her…”

“She’s a spoiled brat. Always gets what she wants,” you rolled your eyes.

“I expected you to be like her,” Mrs. Shelby confessed suddenly and you clenched your jaw.

“No, she’s more like her,” you pointed at the huge portrait behind you. “Anyway, good night, Mrs. Shelby.”

“Good night, Mrs. Nelson,” she drawled out and walked away.

You sighed and went downstairs, only to bump into Mr. Shelby on your way. Apparently, the dinner was over.

“Mr. Shelby,” you smiled at him.

“Mrs. Nelson,” he nodded.

“I’ve just tried to explain to your wife but I am afraid she’s still very mad at you,” you told him and he furrowed his brow.

“Explain to her…?”

“Oh, you know, not to take it personal,” you waved your hand in a dismissive manner. “Good night, Mr. Shelby,” you patted his arm and left him alone at the hall after spotting your husband downstairs.

“Where were you?” Jack asked. “Let’s go to sleep. The faster we go to sleep, the sooner we wake up and leave that fucking island.”

“You’re all the same, Jack,” you mumbled. “Whores.”

“What? Jesus, woman, you got drunk,” he laughed and shook his head before putting his arm around you to lead you back upstairs.

“You got drunk, actually,” you started after entering your bedroom and Jack sighed before loosening his tie and discarding his jacket on the armchair. “And I was embarrassed.”

“Come on,” he rolled his eyes and laid down on the bed.

“Take off your fucking shoes,” you barked at him and he groaned before removing them with his own feet to kick them away. You took your own heels off and laid next to him to stare at the ceiling. “They really fucked, huh? You knew about it?”

“I don’t fucking care,” Jack shrugged his arms.

“She looked very pleased. You think he fucks good?” you bit your lower lip.

“I don’t know. You think he does?” Jack turned his head around to look at your face.

“I think he used to fuck good back in the day. But not anymore. He looks very tired and he’s not that young. By the way… He did that right after his daughter died…?” you furrowed your brow.

“Sick fucker,” Jack chuckled and you pushed him with your elbow.

“Either way, maybe he didn’t fuck her. Maybe she was the one to fuck him. You think she was the one to fuck him?” you giggled and Jack rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know, maybe,” he sat up and started unbuttoning his shirt. “We should go to sleep now.”

“Yeah, we should,” you sat up as well and hugged him from the back. “Jack?” you whispered into his ear.

“Huh?”

“I love you.”

He froze for a second as your confession seemed to be a bit out of place.

“I love you, too, doll,” he held your hand. “I love you, too.”

“And only me?”

“Only you. You know what I’m like but I love only you,” he assured.

MASTERLIST

[bucksboobs]

I was literally just thinking about your most recent comment on ~daddy kink-gate~, and how I’m curious what the demographics of the two opinions are. several of the vocal critics have been people who aren’t attracted to men, and like, yeah, of course that would give you the ick then, you don’t like men?? I’d also raise that for straights, daddy issues is often just shorthand for (a woman) who is hypersexual and possibly a little kinky but not necessarily invoking daddy kink. specifically for women who interact with straight men, it’s kind of used as another way of calling someone a slut? all that said, that doesn’t justify the reaction to the conversation when Buck is the one who initiated it and having Daddy Issues in all meanings of the phrase is literally a core character trait of his. and they’re both queer men, so as you’ve pointed out, it means something specific to them. people need to stop and think for five seconds and recognize that just because *you personally* might be uncomfortable if your partner responded in that way doesn’t mean that 1) Buck, a fictional character who is Not You!, was uncomfortable, and 2) that Tommy is a Bad Person for responding to Buck’s flirtation in that manner.

There is a lot going on Gender Wise because yeah “daddy issues” when applied to a woman is often code for “slut” and yeah from a heteronormative perspective saying “I hope you have daddy issues” is a fucked up thing for man to say to a woman.

You can see that in the way some male-attracted women reacted to the scene e.g.:

But from a non-heteronormative, queer male perspective that was a playful flirty joke that opened up potential talk about kinks. As you can see in my reaction:

And even in the captions of queer male gifmakers like @tylerposey here

I think the ultimate disconnect is that this is a genuine misunderstanding of what the interaction was like from a MLM perspective (and people willfully ignoring Buck being the one who brought up daddy issues and kept pushing on it when Tommy said he didn’t) and I don’t know how the exact demographics shake out but it seemed like most queer men picked up the intent of the scene (Buck and Tommy talk about their fathers, then the conversation gets a little flirty to show that they’re more comfortable with one another) and most of the most vocal disgust has come from people who, by and large, are not queer men.

Like the Big One that caused several unfollows and blocks all over the fandom was written by a lesbian and yeah, if you’re a lesbian, the idea of a man saying he hopes you have daddy issues WOULD activate your fight or flight response and to that I do have some sympathy but it keeps coming back to the simple fact that in context, a joke about daddy kink is about as tame as you can expect from two boyfriends flirting in the privacy of their apartment.

I shudder to think what the reaction will be if they ever make a joke about Actual Gay Sex.

[hunter470]

Here’s my imagination having fun.

TM: Let’s break up Buck and Tommy and make it really hurt. It’s gonna be great.

Writers: But, Tim, this doesn’t make sense. We’ve been laying the foundation for a long-term healthy relationship for Buck. You even brought Tommy back because of all the connections he had with the 118. You wanted Buck’s love interest to be connected so they wouldn’t be off on an island. This just feels like it’s coming out of left field.

TM: True, but I keep getting texts from Oliver and he wants “Buck to f**k” and I think that would be fun. I mean, he’s newly bi so he should sleep around with a bunch of people before finding the one. We can have a lot of fun with that. Just think of the possibilities.

Writers: But that goes against all the character development we’ve done for Buck over the last seven seasons. We wanted him off the hamster wheel and to get into a long term relationship. Plus, aren’t you being a bit biphobic with your statement?

TM: Nope, I like Oliver’s idea so let’s do that. Oh, and make Tommy the bad guy and don’t let any of the other characters encourage him to talk to Tommy. We can have fun with that…maybe have Buck baking to get over him or he wants to call Tommy and Eddie steals his phone. Yeah, I like that. Use it.

Writers: Are you sure? We’re gonna get a lot of pushback from the audience. We’ve all seen the overwhelmingly positive response the Buck and Tommy relationship has gotten online.

TM: That may be true, but because the audience is so invested in the relationship, it just makes it more fun when we break them up. Remember, based on our ratings, the audience will watch whatever we put out there. Besides, Tommy’s just a side character so they won’t care. They only care about Buck. Oh, and I wrote a whole scene about Tommy being engaged to Abby. Make sure to work it in. It’s genius.

Writers: Abby? As in the Abby Buck dated? That doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t fit the timeline or the previous episodes’ narrative. So, Abby was engaged to a firefighter from the 118 and then dates another firefighter from the 118 and what, it just slipped her mind? Seems like a bit of a stretch. Also, why didn’t Tommy tell anyone he worked with at the 118 that he was engaged? Wouldn’t that have helped him stay hidden from his team? Kept his secret safe?

TM: It doesn’t matter. Just retcon the timeline or ignore the timeline altogether. It’s not like anyone will notice. The audience doesn’t pay that close attention. Plus, they’ll be too upset over the breakup to care. It’s just such a great idea that I got from the fans who sent me that red string theory video. They’ll love the fact that I used it.

Writers: We’ve seen the video but that was to show how Buck and Tommy are meant to be together and not to cause problems. Won’t that upset people?

TM: I doubt it. They’ll just feel acknowledged that I used it and be grateful. The audience loves everything I do. Remember, these are the viewers who loved a bee-nado and my obvious ripoff on a 1975 airplane disaster movie. They even bought a 66 year old police sergeant and a 10 year old boy landing a heavily damaged plane on an active freeway in LA. So, it’s not like they expect reality in our stories.

One day after episode 6 airs…

ABC Executive: Tim, have you seen the number of saddened and upset viewers commenting on social media about last night’s episode?

TM: It’s amazing, right? I knew people would love it! We’re doing great things over there. You can expect this level of storytelling for the spinoff. You’re gonna love it!

Executive: I’m afraid you didn’t hear me. People are upset and saying they’ll stop watching the show. We’re even getting hundreds of feedback messages on the ABC site. People are not happy. How are you going to fix this?

TM: Don’t worry. People won’t stop watching. They’re all lemmings and love everything I write. Anyway, it will all blow over after the next episode. I threw in some Tommy crumbs that will make viewers think he’s coming back, which they’ll live off of and keep watching. Oh, and if that’s not enough, we have a scene with Buck and Jee baking that is so cute they’ll forget all about being upset over the breakup. Cute kids are the answer to everything.

Executive: 🤦🏻‍♂️

[ryuzakemo128]

Am I Boring You?

Pairing: Tommy Miller x you / Joel Miller x you

Content Warnings: Fake Relationship (Tommy x you), Angst, Mild Violence, No outbreak alternate universe, age gap (Reader is 25, Joel is in his early 40s and Tommy is in his late 30s), Albino! Goth! Female Reader, Implied Sexual Content, female reader is a big tiddy goth gf, Joel is suspicious of fem reader, wealthy Miller family line, Tommy's secret.

Credit for Dividers: @cafekitsune + @strangergraphics

Masterlist - Part one - Part two - Part Three

Words: 1988

Summary: Yeah, I’m managing it now, actually. They’ve been pretty cool with giving me some space. But telling them I’m going to be on a break without mentioning why is going to be weird.”

Joel didn’t know what to expect when it came to you. You weren’t bright like most of the women his younger brother, Tommy, brought around. Wearing dark colours, two different eye colours and albino. A strange mix. An odd mix of a human soul. A mix of black clothes and white standing out against the greenery in the Miller estate.

“I grew up in England. I don’t think they’re going to take this ‘lie’ laying down.” Joel heard from Tommy Miller’s bedroom. “Also, I still have to work at the bar, remember?”

Tommy's response came quickly, perhaps even a little too quick in Joel's opinion, “It'll just be for a few days. Think of it as an… extended vacation.”

“I'll ask my parents if they'll mind.” you replied.

Tommy then asked, “Are you still working at your parent's bar?”

You nodded, your long white hair swaying slightly. “Yeah, I’m managing it now, actually. They’ve been pretty cool with giving me some space. But telling them I’m going to be on a break without mentioning why is going to be weird.”

Joel leaned against the door frame, his eyes narrowing slightly. He didn’t trust the ease with which you fit into this situation. It was almost too perfect, too convenient. He stepped into the room, his boots echoing on the hardwood floor. “What’s in this for you?” he asked bluntly, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Nothing other than hopefully scaring them a little and with a hop, skip and a jump. They don't seem too utterly devastated by his actual choice.” you answered.

Joel studied you for a moment, his gaze intense. You could almost feel the weight of his stare, but you didn’t flinch.

You were used to the scrutiny of strangers, the way people looked at you like you were an oddity. It came with the territory of looking the way you did.

“What’s your angle?” he pressed, his voice low and gruff. “Why are you helping him?”

“What's the matter? Can't deal with the fact that people help out their friends without asking for something in return? Can't deal with that kind of thing or don't want to admit that you can't do something without getting something out of it?” you answered.

Joel’s jaw clenched at the accusation, but before he could retort, you continued, “Look, I get it. Tommy’s your brother and you’re protective. But if he says I’m okay, then I’m okay. Unless you’ve got a better idea to deal with those jerks?”

Tommy, noticing the tension, placed a hand on Joel’s shoulder. “Back off, man. She’s just trying to help.”

Joel looked from you to Tommy, his eyes still narrowed. “I don’t know anything about you. How do I know you won’t mess him up more than he already is?”

“Coming from someone who dated a single mother and then cheated on her with her own daughter. I don't think you're in the position to ask such questions. Now, tomorrow or ever. Let alone be allowed to interfere with matters that relate to your younger brother.” you spat, rolling your eyes at him.

Surprise flashed across Joel’s face, and his hand tightened on Tommy’s shoulder.

Tommy stiffened, looking at you with a mix of shock and defensiveness. “What?” he sputtered, turning to Joel.

“Your older brother has a strange habit of breaking women's hearts and fucking around. Then goes whining about why no woman wants to date him because he can't 'control' himself.” you answered before Joel could even get a word in, edge ways.

Joel's surprise morphed into anger as he pushed himself off the door frame, taking a step towards you. “What the hell do you know about my past?” he growled.

“I'm friends with that single mother you dated. Don't get pissy when the truth gets thrown in your face and end up hating the taste of karma on the tip of your tongue. How about you go to therapy and start unpacking that pathetically large ego of yours.”

Joel's eyes widened, and he took a step back, his hand dropping from Tommy's shoulder.

He hadn't expected you to know about his past, let alone throw it back at him so casually.

It was clear you weren't someone to be underestimated. The irony wasn't completely lost on him.

“Now go on pup, go back to your mummy and daddy, tell them your big feelings go hurt and that you need a week to yourself to think about how to deal with it like a grown-up.” You smirked, waving your hand in a dismissive gesture. Joel’s eyes burned with a fiery intensity that sent a shiver down your spine, but you didn’t back down. You wouldn't let a man child demand things when he wants or how he wants it.

With a grunt, Joel turned on his heel and stormed out of the room, leaving you and Tommy in an awkward silence. Tommy looked at you with a mix of bewilderment and admiration. “You know him well.”

“I'm the eldest of three younger brothers. Believe me, I know his type.” You shrugged, trying to lighten the mood. The air was thick with tension, and you didn't want it to ruin the night. Tommy looked at you, his expression a mix of confusion and amusement. “Besides, I manage my parent's bar, so I deal a lot of men like him at that age. So not too terribly surprising.”

Tommy chuckled, a low sound that seemed to break the spell of discomfort that had settled over the room. “You’ve got a point there,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “But he’s got good intentions, you know. Just… complicated ways of showing it.”

“Good intentions are just that, intentions. Until he acts upon them. They remain just that. Intentions. Kind of like saying, Mr. Simmons has good intentions on not being a drunkard. But until he stops drinking, he’s still a drunkard at the end of the day, isn’t he?” You responded, your tone even, your gaze steady on Tommy.

“And if he wants to be a good person, he shouldn't need to call himself a good person.”

Meanwhile, Joel paced around inside his bedroom looking into your background, trying to find any dirt he could use to discredit you.

But all he found were positive reviews from the bar you managed.

A few pictures of you with Tommy.

You were a good manager and a loyal friend.

Nothing that screamed “danger.” He couldn't help but feel like he was the villain in this story, but he refused to let his guard down.

He dug deeper, yet all he found was your unblemished record, your locksmith apprenticeship, and the fact that you were an orphan adopted by a family in England.

The more he searched, the more Joel felt like the asshole he was acting like.

The rage inside him was simmering down into something else entirely.

Something that felt like guilt.

He found out you were a debate captain in high school and that you are now in University part-time for Business Management.

Your side hustles like the mead you sold at the bar were all legal and well documented.

Along with the clothes you made yourself to your own exact size inside the empty room, his parents were more than happy to lend you during your stay. Because they knew how much you struggled with finding clothes that fit your unique size.

The dark-coloured clothes on the racks matched the darkness of your soul, but the room was filled with light from your spirit.

Joel closed the laptop and leaned back on the bed, his eyes on the ceiling. You had a good heart, it seemed, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that you were hiding something from them. Was it the aloofness or the way you talked? It was something. He knew it.

The next day, Joel tried to keep his distance, watching you interact with the rest of the Miller family during dinner. You were charming, witty, and even had Joel’s parents laughing at your stories of managing the bar and the quirky regulars you had to deal with.

But Joel wasn’t fooled. The sharpness to your words hinted at a steely resolve beneath the surface.

As the night grew later, Joel found himself unable to sleep, his mind racing with thoughts of you. He decided to confront his brother, finding him in the study, nursing a whisky. All the while reading a book to you as you were falling asleep. Oddly enough, it looked peaceful.

“Tommy, we need to talk,” Joel said, his voice tight. Tommy looked up from the book, setting it down gently on the side table next to you. You stirred slightly but didn't wake up.

“What's up?” Tommy asked, standing up to join Joel in the hallway outside the study.

“I don't trust her,” Joel said bluntly.

Tommy frowned, his eyes darting back to the study door where you were sleeping. “What’s not to trust? She’s just trying to help, Joel. Give her a break, okay?”

Joel rubbed his forehead, trying to gather his thoughts. “It’s not that, it’s just… I don’t know. Something feels off. Like she’s got her own agenda here.”

Tommy leaned against the wall, his arms folded. “Look, I know you’re worried about me, but I’ve got this handled. You don’t need to play the overprotective big brother.”

Joel sighed heavily. “It’s not just that, Tommy. It’s the way she talked about me earlier. Like she knows all my secrets, all my shit. It’s eerie.”

Tommy looked at Joel with a knowing expression. “Maybe she’s just smarter than you give her credit for. Or maybe she’s just honest. Sometimes the truth hurts, but that doesn’t mean she’s hiding something.”

Joel clenched his jaw, not ready to let it go. “And what’s with the fake relationship? Why are you guys playing this game?”

"Because of our fucking parents wanting me to marry a rich blonde lady you fucked. Shut up and go fuck someone else like you always do. I hate it when you get in my face and take everything I have. Get lost." Tommy snapped at him.

Joel’s eyes widened, realizing the depth of the situation he’d stumbled into. “Tommy, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was that bad,” he said, his voice softer now.

"Shut up and go to someone who cares about cleaning up your bullshit." Tommy wasn't having it anymore.

You stirred in your sleep, the tension in the room was palpable. You had a feeling Joel was out there, lurking like a dark shadow waiting to jump out and attack. Tommy looked at you, his eyes apologetic. You sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," Tommy said, a bit too quickly. You could tell he was lying. You knew Joel was out there, and he was likely the cause of the disturbance.

"Lets go to bed and chill out. We can solve it tomorrow." You cooed into Tommy's ear.

Joel looked at you and then at his brother before finally backing off. Tommy nodded, looking relieved and led you back to his room.

You laid down and wrapped yourself around him, your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was calming.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” Tommy murmured, stroking your hair gently. “He doesn’t mean to be such an asshole.”

“Hey. At this point let karma run its course.” you calmly soothed, your voice muffled by his shirt.

Tommy’s heart thumped a little harder under your ear, and you felt the tension in his body slowly ease.

You knew Joel wasn’t all bad, just confused. “Anything he says or does will say more about his character than it does about yours.”

Tommy sighed, his arms tightening around you. “You’re right,” he murmured. “I just don’t want him to ruin this for me.”

Note: Sarah is still alive in this universe. I plan to give her a cameo or at least a chapter around her and her father sometime.

[tightjeansjavi]

Jail Bird | Joel Miller x smuggler/raider f! reader | part 2

“All I’ve Ever Known Is You”

A/N: and so we have reached the conclusion of this tragic story of unrequited love. I warned y’all earlier that this would be a doozy. Tread carefully.

~word count: 2.4k~

Summary: Joel Miller refuses to let you go, and it proves to be a costly choice.

Warnings: major character death, depictions of violence, fatal gunshot, angst, grief, regret, emotional manipulation, mentions of blood, stalking, refusal to let a person go, anger, stubbornness, obsession, unrequited love, pining, possessive behavior, actions have consequences, lots of imagery used, dark themes, Joel is an emotional mess, protective! Joel, darkish! Joel, grieving! Joel, sprinkle of PTSD from the night Sarah died, this content may be disturbing for some viewers. Please read the warnings carefully, and do not proceed if this sort of content upsets you. +18 minors dni!

Cornered: (of a person or animal) forced into a place or situation from which it is hard to escape.

"nothing is more dangerous than a cornered wild beast"

Joel had no recollection of how many hours had passed since you locked him away in this cell. He should have known better than to trust you. He beat himself up over the fact that he let his guard down that easily. What the fuck was he thinking? You kissed him and suddenly nothing else mattered. He should have sensed you were going to trick him. Maybe if his mind wasn’t so clouded, he would have stopped you when he still had the chance.

“What do you mean you don’t know where your brother is, Tommy?” Ellie was walking alongside her uncle from the mess-hall, wrapping her arms tightly around herself to lock out the chill.

“I haven’t seen him in hours El. He’s been actin’ fuckin’ strange these past few days, ever since we brought that woman in from the woods. For all we know, he skipped town or somethin.’”

“My dad wouldn’t just leave without telling one of us. That’s bullshit. Where’s the jail located? Wasn’t he interrogating her or something?” Ellie quickened her pace to keep up with her uncle.

“Yeah, you’re right, kid. He wouldn't skip town like that. That’s unlike my brother, especially now. We’ll go and check the jail and see if he’s there.”

Joel pulled himself up to his feet with a heavy grunt when he heard the main door open with a loud creak. For a split second he thought maybe it was you returning to him, but that sliver of hope was quickly vanquished when Tommy and Ellie came into his peripheral.

“Joel?! What in the hell are you fuckin’ doin’ in there?!” Tommy was already pulling out his spare keys from his pocket and quickly unlocked the cell door. “What the hell happened?!”

Joel looked up with a defeated expression on his face. His eyes were rimmed red with glassy tears pooling in his irises. Ellie was at his side with her arms wrapping around him, hugging him tightly to her. “Dad, what happened?”

Joel leaned into the comforting touch that his daughter unconditionally provided for him. A heavy sigh passed through his cracked lips as his gaze fell upon his younger brother. “She tricked me.” Was all he could utter.

“Tricked you how?” Tommy scrubbed his hand across his face, shaking his head to himself. “She over power you or somethin?’”

“She kissed me, alright? She fuckin’ kissed me..and I fell right into her goddamn trap.” Joel’s tone was bitter, laced with frustration as Ellie helped him to his feet.

“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me right now Joel? How long ago was this?”

“A few hours ago? I don’t know. She just fuckin’ locked me in here and ran. I told you when we brought her in that we have..history. I know I shouldn’t have let my guard down like that but—”

“Yeah you told me that she left you back in the QZ, and you spent all your time fuckin’ lookin’ for her. Maria said one of the horses was stolen right before dinner, so it’s gotta be your jailbird, brother.”

“Will you help me go out there and find her, Tommy? Please? I think she was just scared that somethin’ was gonna happen to her here, and that’s why she ran. If we leave her out there, she’s gonna die. I don’t want that on my conscience.” His arm was lightly draped around Ellie’s shoulders.

“Are you fuckin’—fine. I’ll grab a couple of the guys and we’ll go and look for her. She must mean a lot to ya if you’re willin’ to take these lengths. What’re you gonna do if we find her, and she doesn��t want to come back?” The three of them left the jail cell and treaded back out into the bitter cold.

“I’ll jus’ hav’to find a way to convince her to come back.” Joel stated what he believed to be the obvious. It wasn’t a matter of if he would find you. He would find you, and he’d do whatever it would take to convince you to come home with him.

The horses were saddled up with four men, including Joel and Tommy at the front. Maria told her husband that going after this jailbird was beyond stupid, and he agreed. He just had a rather difficult time telling his brother no after all the years they spent apart. Ellie didn’t like the idea either, but Joel always came back home to her. He always promised to return so this time would be no different as he kissed the top of her head, and smoothed down her hair gently. “Don’t worry about me kiddo. I promise I’ll be home as soon as we find her.”

“I know, Dad. Just be careful, okay?” She hugged him tightly.

“Always am.” Joel promised her.

The further away you were from Joel, and Jackson, the more at peace you began to feel. You didn’t believe that escaping jail would be that easy, but as soon as Joel fell into your perfectly calculated trap, you knew it was your ticket out and that you couldn’t waste another second. You had no idea where you were going to go now, and with darkness falling quickly, it would take a miracle for you to survive the cold cold night that lay ahead.

You had endured worse conditions before, and the chill didn’t bother you as much as you thought it would. You listened to the comforting crunch of snow beneath your horses hooves as your heart thrummed gently in your chest. Joel would have to be a fool to come after you now..or so you thought. Your moment of calm was fiercely destroyed when you heard the thundering of hooves approaching in the distance.

Joel fucking Miller just wouldn’t give up.

You heard him call out your name as a desperate plea through the once still snowy forest. It echoed through the surrounding evergreens, ricocheted off your thundering heart like a pinball machine. You eased your horse into a canter, desperate to escape Joel’s nearing approach.

Please! Please stop runnin’ from me darlin’! I don’t want to chase you, but you're leaving me no other choice!

He was closer now, far too close for comfort.

Your hopes for escape were cut short when your exit route was impassable due to the rushing river that stretched for miles on end. You eased your horse to a halt, frantically looking around as if you were a scared doe being narrowed on by a pack of wolves. The wind howled as you were reaching for your gun just as Joel, Tommy and two other men emerged on horseback through the snowy evergreens.

“Stay back! Stay back or I will fuckin’ shoot!” Your voice trembled like a branch being jostled through a harsh wind. Your finger held steady over the trigger despite your nerves and the frantic look in your eyes.

Joel cautiously dismounted from his horse with his hands above his head to show you that he didn’t come to harm you. He just came to ‘rescue’ you and bring you back home where you belonged. “Easy. Easy. I’m not gonna harm ya darlin.’ Please put the gun down, and then let’s talk. Okay?” His tone was soft, reassuring but it caused bile to rise deep from the pits of your stomach. You didn’t want to go home with him. You wanted to never see Joel Miller ever again.

“Like hell I’m going to put my gun down!” Your horse took a nervous sidestep to the left, nearly slipping into the icy depths below. “You need to fuckin’ let me go, Joel! I don’t want you!” You kept one hand on the trigger as you carefully dismounted from your horse.

“You know I can’t do that darlin.’ You know I can’t. Please just come home with me. We can put this all aside! C’mon. You’ll freeze to death out here.” He pleaded with you with an outstretched hand in your direction.

“I’d rather fucking freeze to death out here than go anywhere with you. Take five steps back right fucking now, or I shoot. Why can’t you just let me go? Why can’t you just fucking move on! I don’t love you, Joel. I never have, and I never will. What we had years ago was good, it was fun, but you’re chasing a fucking ghost. What you want from me is something I am not capable of giving you. You need to move on.” Now you were the one pleading with him. You didn’t want to have to shoot but if it meant that Joel Miller would never be in your life again…

“You don’t love me, sweet girl? That’s bullshit and you know it. All that time we spent together? It meant fuck all to you? I don’t believe it! You’re a terrible fuckin’ liar, and you’re making this way harder than it needs to be! Please, stop fighting me. You’re breakin’ my fuckin’ heart, baby.” He didn’t listen to your demand for him to take five steps back and instead took two cautious steps forward.

“I am NOT your sweet girl! I never was Joel! Stop trying to convince yourself that I have ever cared for you below a surface level! The only liar here is yourself. Now, you can turn around and go home and forget all about me. It’s for your own fucking good. You think that one day I’ll wake up and suddenly develop feelings for you? That’s not how the world works! That’s never how it worked, and you just have to accept that!” You kept the barrel of your gun trained on him as he stepped closer to you.

“Joel, maybe we should just—” Tommy tried to reason with his brother.

“No, Tommy! She’s comin’ home with me one way or a fuckin’ other.” He didn’t even look back at his brother as he took another step forward. His eyes were desperately pleading with you to give in and you truly were beginning to feel like a cornered doe with a pack of vicious wolves caving in.

Closer. Closer. Closer.

You saw Joel reach out to grasp your arm and the second he did, you went to shove him away. Screaming profanities at him with tears stinging your eyes. Your screams died in your raw throat when a gunshot shot rang through the air. It was not your own gun. It all happened so fast as the bullet tore through the flesh of your heart, where Joel had once built a home there. The windows shattered, the wood splintered, and the bed exploded into a cloud of down feathers. The house he forged with his bare hands laid in a pile of ash as you sank to your knees. Dark crimson blood pooled through the layers of clothing on your body as you struggled to take your final breaths.

Everything around you began to grow fuzzy as your lashes fluttered. The sensation of blood draining from your body like the rushing stream was eerily calming. You had never been afraid to die. Not when the world had gone to shit, and everyday could be the day that you would depart the living realm. The once white snow was stained scarlet as you slumped into Joel’s arms with one final breath.

Joel felt his own life flash before his eyes as the bullet tore through your flesh. It all happened so fast and there was nothing he could do to stop it as you slumped into him. He desperately pressed down on the wound as more blood filtered through your body. His hands were stained in it along with his clothes. There was so much blood and so little time. “No no no. Fuck! No. You are not dyin’ on me like this!” He relived images of Sarah dying in his arms flash through his brain as he let out a bone chilling sob.

“Tommy! Help me! Fuckin’ help me!” He finally looked over his shoulder at his brother who could only stare back from where he sat on his horse.

“SOMEBODY FUCKIN’ HELP ME!” He screamed as he clutched your body against his chest, rocking your slumped form as he cried into your cold shoulder.

No one moved a muscle. No one said a word as Joel held you for one last time.

Your body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as Joel struggled to lift you into his arms. Your eyes forever unmoving, staring up at him with a ghostly film falling upon your once vibrant irises. Your body grew cold. Colder than the temperatures outside and the skin around your lips was fading blue. Your time living on earth's hell hole was over.

“Who fuckin’ shot her.” Joel’s tone was deep and threatening as he trudged through the snow with your deceased form limp in his arms. “WHO FUCKIN’ SHOT HER?!?!” His voice cracked as fresh tears began to fall and land along your icy skin.

“ILL FUCKIN’ KILL—”

Tommy was already hopping down from his horse to attempt to console his wrecked brother.

The man who shot you was known to be trigger happy. He only acted on impulse when you had moved to shove Joel away. He was already riding far far away from the scene when he realized what he had just done.

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME TOMMY!” Joel used the strength he had left to shove his brother away from him.

Tommy’s own heart broke when he witnessed Joel struggle to secure your deceased body onto your horse. All the younger Miller Brother could do was watch, and the image that laid before him would never leave his mind.

The only two people to attend your funeral were Joel and Ellie. He dug your grave in the town's cemetery. It took hours due to the ground being so hard and frozen. Ellie was there for emotional support. She might have never met you, but you meant something to her dad, and she wanted to be there for him in those final moments.

He laid your wrapped body into the cold dark earth below. His body had spent all of his tears, but that didn’t stop the physical dry sobs to part from his soul. He pressed a kiss to your covered head, whispering that he would once see you again. Your headstone was hand carved in stone by him, and when it was all said and done, Joel and Ellie stood above your grave, arms wrapped loosely around one another as her head gently rested along his shoulder.

“Who..was she to you, dad?” Ellie softly asked.

Joel slowly looks over at his daughter, his lips curving up into a gentle smile. He inhales, exhales with a puff of cold air departing his lips, “just someone I used to know, a long time ago, kiddo.”

Joel Miller had finally let you go.

Tagging people I think will enjoy! @chaotic-mystery @cavillscurls @morning-star-joy @sinsofsummers @cupofjoel @thetriumphantpanda @dinsdjrn @darkroastjoel @korynnekorynne @kirsteng42

[indianamoonshine]

࿐ folklore | joel miller x reader songfic | track 1 ❅ epiphany

summary | while out on patrol, there is a crack in both joel and the ice.

rating | this particular chapter rated t. minors are still not allowed to interact.

warnings | mention of drowning, death, and hypothermia. angst. revelation of feelings. joel is an emotional vault but tommy knows better.

TAGLIST | @stagerightlauren @paanchusblog @lunxramour @casualanxietyblob

࿐

“Keep your helmet. Keep your life, son. Just a flesh wound. Here’s your rifle.”

Joel remembers the first time he saw someone drown.

Wasn’t even a year after the outbreak. He’d been traveling with Tommy and some strangers they met on an abandoned interstate. The way of life had yet to become something of an instinct for them. During this time, they were more prey than predator, and they had little to no knowledge of life outside the south.

The Miller boys had only seen snow once or twice in their lives. No one in their family had ever moved outside of Texas being as big as it was. Tommy had gone into the service, but Iraq had a climate similar to the desert back home. Snow and ice were something of mythical elements they read about in stories and saw in films.

This is why they didn’t see it coming.

“Crawlin’ up the beaches now. ‘Sir, I think he’s bleeding out.’ And some things you just can’t speak about.”

One of the men they’d been trekking across the midwestern landscape with (Joel can’t remember his name even if he tried his damndest) miscalculated the snowfall. It’d been only seconds before the lake he stepped across crumbled beneath him and claimed his life. Ever since then he’s been cautious of frozen bodies of water — even a little frightened of them — but it didn’t stop him from taking the risk every time.

Joel knew for a fact you weren’t a hunter even if he’d only known you for a few months. It didn’t take a damn genius to come to the conclusion that you were far better off as a farmer or…anything other than this. You know how to handle a gun (you had to in order to survive this long) but it wasn’t your strong suit. You were a little off-kilter and fuckin’ jumpy.

How you were still alive he hasn’t the slightest.

Joel had been staring at the back of your head for hours. Tommy led this patrol so he hung back for stalkers. The infected weren’t as active in the winter, especially in such wilderness. The climate causes them to shut down or somethin’ — he didn’t know the science. Just knew that they weren’t around as often when the snow fell.

But while the infected were occasional, winter brought upon other challenges.

Like the freezing temperatures that chilled his bones and bit at his appendages; the snow that clouded his vision and made it difficult to start fires or walk the miles he needed to; and the ice that made fools out of men.

Tommy had crossed it fine, the lake. It wasn’t very big but underneath Joel knew of a bitter current that had little to no forgiveness. The patrol goes in this direction once in awhile, though not often in the wintertime for this very reason. Joel, being as skeptical of lakes as he was, made sure to note its raging waters in the summer. As a survivalist (cynic), he was already prepared for disaster.

For this reason, he waits until Tommy gives the two of you the go-ahead to make a decision.

“It’s good to cross!” Tommy shouts from the other side. He waves a hand to usher you forward.

Joel can see it plain on your face that you’re terrified. You’d only patrolled once before now, but he was certain you were used to the unforgiving climate after so many years of survival before Jackson. He also recalls you mentioning being from the midwest, so he assumed you had enough knowledge of these conditions to accept Tommy’s decision.

You take a deep breath, something changing in your face. He realizes then that you’re good at faking bravery — you just chose not to.

They say fear is an evolutionary response to potential danger.

Joel wishes you had listened to that gut instinct.

“With you, I serve. With you, I fall down.”

You’re barely two feet across the sheet of ice before it crackles beneath your weight. Joel barely has time to register your expression of terror before he’s falling to his knees to crawl upon the lake’s mirror.

“Shit - Joel!” Tommy yells.

Joel doesn’t answer, focusing on shifting his weight just right so that he doesn’t plunge into the depths himself. He can see your shadow beneath the ice, a struggling form that pounds furiously at the frozen sheet above you. He can’t even imagine the panic you must be experiencing now but he attempts to settle his nerves because…

He’d get you out of this. He had to.

It was because of Ellie. She had taken a liking to you in the past year. You were kind to her — showed her how to bake lavender cookies this summer. You welcomed her into your home like you would any member of your family, tutoring her on all kinds of subjects that Joel couldn’t — nor shouldn’t. Ellie needed a woman in her life. You’d become that woman.

It took Joel too long to meet you. He found that he liked you quite a bit himself.

But it was because of Ellie, right?

Yes. Ellie.

He didn’t ever think about the way your eyes shone during golden hour — how they twinkled with a natural aesthetic he didn’t even find in nature. He rarely thought about the length of your hair — how you preferred to keep it braided during the warmer months and down in the cooler opposites. He wasn’t at all distracted by the snowflakes that landed upon your nose while they saddled the horses before going out this morning or how the frigid air blushed the apples of your cheeks.

While he hadn’t known much about you (he’s wanted to — yearned to, but he’s a goddamned pansy) he knew you were something special. Something sweet in a world riddled with rotting flesh and melting tar.

Besides, you were far too young to die.

Yes. Too young to die.

He convinces himself this is why he immediately jumps into action. He’s careful in his ministrations to rescue you, every ounce of strength he has to be clever rather than urgent. Joel figured his decades of fighting would get the job done quickly and with level-headedness. But when he finally manages to grab you from an open pocket within the ice — forty feet from where you initially fell — his hands are trembling.

“Joel! Is she breathin’?!” Tommy yells frantically.

“Watch you breathe in. Watch you breathing out.”

Joel grunts with exertion, dragging your limp and sopping body across the ice and onto the snow covered banks. Once the two of you are out of danger, he finds with horror that…

No. You’re not breathing.

This is when he starts to panic.

“Something med school did not cover. Someone’s daughter. Someone’s mother.”

He thinks of Sarah. It’s an inopportun time to be doing so but he can’t help but see her lifeless body when he looks at yours. The same thing had happened when Ellie drowned before they found the Fireflies in Salt Lake City. Youth quickly deteriorates before him, the Grim’s mangled hand on his shoulder.

“No,” he mutters, shaking his head. “No.”

Joel is a stubborn man and this might be why he’s lived as long as he has. He’s lost too many people. He won’t loose you — not before he had you.

With fumbling hands, he rips away at your drenched clothing which already stiffens from the extreme temperature to check your pulse. He discovers in horror that you have none.

“Fuck. Fuck!”

“Joel! What’s goin’ on, dammit?!” Tommy screams from across the river. It sounds muffled, like he’s underwater himself.

“Holds your hand through plastic now. ‘Doc, I think she’s crashing out.’ And some things you just can’t speak about.”

He begins CPR after unzipping your coat with frantic hands, the heel of his palm inching into your chest the way he’s done so many times before. After a few minutes, he starts mouth to mouth.

It’s not the way he first wanted to touch you.

Instead of a kiss, it’s the attempt at a breath of life.

Your body jostles beneath his endurance, of his precarious attempt at saving your life. Your mouth hangs open like a fish, lips already turning blue, and skin blanching. Images of Sarah — and of Ellie — plague his vision. He thinks of Tess’s body sponging her own blood as she lie dead in the courthouse.

After about five minutes — it felt like hours — he feels the muscles in your legs twitch. You garble, ice water expelling from your lips and onto your chest before gasping for air.

Precious air.

“Jesus,” he whispers in relief, tugging your body close to his chest.

You continue to pant in his arms, body still rigid in shock, before two of you sag in one another’s embrace. Your arms lie limp at your sides from lack of strength. You’re not even shivering — not even crying.

Joel pets your hair, his palm cradling the back of your head. “You’re alright, darlin’. You’re fine…” he whispers.

You nod weakly, eyes slipping shut.

You’re alright.

࿐

Tommy sees something defeated in Joel when the medics take you.

Fortunately, they hadn’t been too far away so it was only an hour before they reached Jackson. Joel had instructed you to take off your clothing and wrap yourself in the wool blankets they’d brought along. The patrol was intended to be much longer than this so they were well prepared for any inconveniences.

Even death.

“Only twenty minutes of sleep but you dream of some epiphany.”

This was what you’d been the verge on when they galloped to the gates with thundering hooves. Accounting for the weather, it should’ve taken them three hours to get back - it usually took two during the summer when rain was their only concern. But Joel rode Old Beardy hard; Tommy was concerned the damn thing would fall over from exhaustion.

But they made it in the knick of time. Joel shouted for help while you slump against his back, your horse Bucephalus galloping alongside of his like the loyal steed he was. You were mumbling something incoherent against him and he shushed you as he slid you off into his arms.

“Help!” Joel’s tone broke something down in Tommy’s chest cavity. “I need a goddamn medic!”

They’d been quick to take you. Joel’s fingers lingered against your shivering form as he passed you along to Kevin, one of the younger boys in town. They exchanged a few words before Joel urged him with a stern growl to get going.

“Just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen.”

When she’s gone, he rubs his hands down his face and sags against the horse barn. His chest heaves with heavy breath, eyes shut tightly as though he’s seeing ghosts long gone.

Tommy didn’t have to imagine.

Sarah. Ellie.

“With you, I serve. With you, I fall down.”

Tess was more likely to be the answer. After all, Tommy knew his brother had feelings for the woman. She was rough around the edges, but Joel usually liked them that. He did back then, anyway. His first wife — a spider in every sense — was difficult to say the very least. Joel liked a challenge.

“Watch you breathe in. Watch you breathing out.”

You weren’t anything like them. This is why Tommy finds it so strange when Joel takes a moment to collect himself, clears his throat, and turns towards the horses like it never even happened.

“Almost lost her,” he mutters.

Yes. Tommy knew then. This wasn’t about Ellie. This wasn’t even about Sarah. He was no father figure to you.

This was different — you were different.

[armandisdaddy]

Siren Pt.2-Modern! Aemond Targaryen x Fem Reader

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen(Bass Player) x Fem Reader (Lead Singer)

Word Count: 2.3k

Content/Warning: !!🔞PLUS!!, Smut, P in V penetration, Spanking, Ass-play Virginity loss, Ass-Licking, Choking, Balcony, Grinding, Exhibitionism, Degredation and Fluff/Aftercare.

Author’s Notes: Now I know I’ve used “The Summoning” by Sleep Token for inspiration for another fan-fiction of mine (Taste of the Divine). But since I’ve heard this song and recently rewatched HOTD I cannot let go of the fact that this song fits Aemond so well. So I’m using it again for this, in my mind it definitely fits better in this scenario so I hope you enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it. Oh he has a bit of an ass fetish…

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the HOTD characters nor the song being used. They are used only for creative purposes.

After the bands opening night and the events that transpired later on Y/N was conflicted. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t attracted to him or that she didn’t like him. But one thing about band romances is they hardly ever end well and nothing but drama replaces what once was love. They were now touring in Europe; London, England to be exact. Y/N and the crew were riding on their tour bus to their destination. Aegon, Tommy(electric guitar player), their back up singers and Y/N were up front either sleep, on their phones, or singing. Aemond was in his room, he had isolated himself from the group when he did what he did and hadn’t spoken to Y/N since. He was ashamed of himself, he’d never done something so irrational, but she…she did something to him and brought something almost primal out of him.

He figured she’d never want to speak to him again and awaited the worst to come when or if she decided to tell the rest of their bandmates what happened. He decided to finish a song him and the band had record without Y/N. It was actually written for her, but he’d never admit it. Without warning a knock was heard at his door. “Come in..” And in she came slowly finding a place to stand as awkward as it was. “So I wanted to talk about what happened the other night. Why have you been avoiding me? You don’t just come into my room do… those things to me and then pretend I don’t exist.” She was frustrated for several reasons one of them being that she had been try to get that high feeling again and failed miserably every time. The other because she thought he used her for his own pleasure and basically threw her away like some old toy.

She got slightly distracted hearing the song playing and it sounded really good. “Wait who is that singing?” She wondered he sounded familiar and then it finally came to her. “Aemond…that’s you..” he sighed softly closing his laptop and turning to face her completely. “Yeah…me and Aegon were just fucking around. It’s nothing serious…and to answer your question I’ve been avoiding you because I took things too far with you. I should’ve never touched you in that way and you were intoxicated it was shitty of me and I’m sorry. You didn’t speak to me after that night and I just assumed I had gotten the wrong idea.” She huffed and sat at the corner of his bed trying to find the words to say. “I…I wasn’t mad at you…I just…you..you made me feel something I’ve never experienced before and I didn’t know how to say I want more or tell you I like you back.”

“Wait you like me back? So why the fuck did you tell Aegon the kiss between us on stage meant nothing?” She rolled her eyes and sighed laying back on his bed. “Because I didn’t think you liked me and because I know how band relationships end. They are never a good idea to get into…it just makes everything else difficult.” He listened attentively placing a calloused hand on her thigh squeezing softly before he climbed on top of her to give her a kiss.

“Band or no band you’re stuck with me you know that right? And you had Instagram and Twitter going crazy with that kiss. They’ve been what’s the word stanning over us ever since.”She pulled him in making his lips crash into her, but they were quickly interrupted, when Aegon came crashing through the door, eavesdropping obviously. She ducked and rolled off the bed running back to the front of the bus with everyone else. “Hey Bro, Y/N? What the fuck were y’all doing in here?” He mocked them with kissing and moaning sounds laughing at their obvious embarrassment.

It seemed like the bus ride dragged on for hours and finally they were here at the venue and Y/N was super excited for tonight she had something very special planned for tonight’s performance. As usual the concert goers can rushing in, the place was sold out and every seat was filled. This was going to be perfect she thought. She walked out on stage as usual relishing the chants and cheers as her band played behind her. She raised her hand signaling them to stop and she looked to Aemond with a grin on her face. “So everyone I’m sure you all know Aemond. The best damn bass player in King’s Landing!!!”

They all cheered and she laughed calming them to let her speak. “Well, I’ve got a surprise for you and him too. I just learned on my way here that he is multitalented and him and the band recorded a song. And I’ve only heard a few seconds of it so this will be a first for me and you all. So..without further ado, I welcome to the stage Aemond Targaryen!!!!” The crowd went wild chanting his name and he looked to her in horror she walked to him and placed her hands in his ear whispering. “Your going to do great babe.” She kissed his cheek moving in his spot so that he may take hers.

He stood in the spotlight the light was blinding, but he put on a brave face for her and flashed a smile to the crowd. Aegon signaled the group with the clicks of his drumsticks and they began to play and a voice almost angelic left his lips. Leaving Y/N in awe.

I've got a river running right into you

I've got a blood trail, red in the blue

Something you say or something you do

A taste of the divine

You've got my body, flesh and bone, yeah

The sky above, the Earth below

Raise me up again

Take me past the edge

I want to see the other side

See the other side

The crowd loved every second and still he left Y/N speechless. She had heard him messing around before, but she never thought such a beautiful sound could come from him until now. She felt herself being taken away with the music. Is this what love felt like she thought. He looked back to her and she sang background vocal improvising and he winked at her looking back to the crowd as he continued. His mind filled with thoughts of nothing but her as he sang. Calling to her the way his heart did so silently. The songs tone switched and there was a breakdown she had not expected. He walked toward her with his mic in hand and Vhagar on the side of his waist gripping at her hips and pulling her close.

Oh, and my love

Did I mistake you for a sign from God?

Or are you really here to cut me off?

Or maybe just to turn me on

'Cause these days

I would be lying if I told you that

I didn't wish that I could be your man

Or maybe make a good girl bad

I've got a river running right into you

I've got a blood trail, red in the blue

Something you say or something you do

The taste of the divine

You've got my body, flesh and bone

The sky above, the Earth below

Nothing to say and nowhere to go

A taste of the divine

She shuttered feeling his fingers trailing up and down her spine. He pressed his forehead to hers, chest to chest. Her heart skipped, his lips hovering over hers. He pulled away leaving her wanting. She was unbelievably turned on and it was easy to tell. Her pale cheeks were a rich red and her legs rubbed together trying to find some form of friction. He passed the mic to her kissing her forehead before scooting her back into the limelight where she belonged.

Tonight was another successful performance their were already headlines about the two of them from TMZ to MTV. They were sleeping at a hotel tonight due to their fans stalking the tour bus. Y/N gave him her room key and she went up to take a well needed shower. He let himself in and heard the shower running. He found himself looking around the large room. Checking out the large terrace that was attached to her room. A rather tantalizing idea popped into his head. Shortly after she returned from the shower wearing a crop top and black shorts that stop right above the cuff of her cheeks.

He moved in his seat pulling at his pants trying to remain calm, but she made it oh so hard to. He stood to his feet, seeming to levitate toward her. His hands found their place into the dips of her waist. Pulling her into him. “I should have my way with you for that little stunt you pulled, my little siren.” She blushed biting into her rosy bottom lip. She needed to stop before he devoured her very being. “You tease me and your not even trying. Can you feel what you do to me?” He groaned pressing his sweat pants covered hard on against her hip.

His hands slid into the back of her shorts gripping on her round flesh growling at how well it filled his hands. “Perfect..” He spoke in a hushed tone pulling away to look into her eyes. Her eyes low and filled with lust. His lips crashed into hers and she moaned into his mouth, practically melting into his arms. He picked her up by her ass cheeks and carried her out to the terrace where a table and two chair sat. He sat down with her straddling his lap. “I want you to rub your pussy against my dick.” She looked at him with embarrassed expression. “Out here?” He hummed. “Mhmm…” He positioned her perfectly pulling the back of her shorts down to cuff under her cheek. His hungry hands kneeling them like dough. Pushing and pulling them apart the cool air hitting her skin.

Soon she began bucking her hips against him his cock rubbing against her sensitive clit. His left arm wrapping around her to pull her against him and his right laying harsh smacks against her plump ass. She whimpered and moaned, the red tint flushing to her welting skin. He moaned at the sight and bit into her neck; pumping up into her hips. He spanked her until she was sore and sat her on the table pulling her shorts off the rest of the way. The cool feel of the table caused her to shiver.

He looked to her sweetly before flipping her so she stood on all fours and he stayed in his seat. He smiled at the view spreading her cheeks apart seeing the delicate pink flesh of her pussy glistening from the light hitting her slick. He licked his lips like he was starving. But that tight hole of hers was what he really wanted. He buried his face between her ass and his tongue lapped over the tight flesh of her ass her back arched involuntarily. His eyes rolled at the taste of her. She gasped and moaned holding onto the edges of the table his tongue greedily lapping at her ass and dipping into pussy every now and then.

“Gods…you taste so good..” he cooed as she mewled from the sudden suction of her clit. He smacked her ass again letting his thumb rub against the rim around her asshole. While he looked back at the mess she was already making. “Your such a dirty little slut aren’t you? You’re making quite a mess on this table I wonder if anyone can hear you.” He smiled wickedly and turned her to face him. He stood in between her legs pulling his cock from his pants letting the thick head rub between the slit of her gorgeous cunny.

She writhed in pleasure seeing her like this drove him insane he couldn’t take much more. “Are you ready, my love?” She nodded sweetly. “Please, Aemond…I need it…” she whined and he smiled kissing her to dull the pain as he prodded at her entrance slowly letting it give way around him. He buried his head into her neck and gasped. “You feel amazing, little siren.” He stayed still letting her adjust to his length and girth which was above average. She felt like she was going to break, she need him deeper. “M..More…” he looked into her eyes..”More? Well aren’t you greedy are sure you can handle more?” He laced his fingers around her throat giving her the right amount of pressure before he filled her completely.

She winced but moaned her eyes rolling back. “Good girl you take me so well..” He began his assault pumping into her mercilessly her pussy gripping him like a vice with each pull. “Oh fuck..Aemond…” She called out his name like he always imagined. Was this dream? It couldn’t be it felt too real; too good. “That’s it baby let me make you feel good, baby girl. Let the world hear how good I make you feel.”

She grunted like an animal nails digging into his back the knot in her stomach tightening. She was so close to her release, but he popped her thigh denying her of it. “Please, I can’t hold on anymore..” He hushed her “Just a little longer I want us to cum together.” He continued hitting that spongy spot the drove her crazy, feeling her legs trembling uncontrollably. “Come baby cum on my dick, give it to me.” She screamed creaming all over his dick smearing it with her arousal his seed spilled instantly inside her.

The rode out their orgasms and he carried her inside. He showered with her a got her dressed in a large t shirt leaving soft kisses along her lips and neck. He carried her to bed and they spooned for the remainder of the night until they fell asleep.

To be continued…

@pet1t3 @proudlittlewitchbitch @xlaurenlintonx @jadianasithandjedi @ellxpsismm @chainsawangel @aemondslefteyeball @baebunnyxo @ammo23 @valeskafics @boundlessfantasy

[thetriumphantpanda]

Ghost Of You | J. Miller (Chapter 3)

Series Summary / Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. And no-one ever explains the guilt you feel when it isn’t anymore. When it’s just a dull ache and you can finally breathe again, when you can start letting people get close to you again. People like Joel Miller. 

Pairing / Joel Miller x Widow F!Reader

Word Count / 3.7K

Warnings / Descriptions of grief and depression, alcohol consumption but nothing else I can think of.

Series Masterlist / Main Masterlist

The next morning, Joel is hammering on Tommy’s front door as early as is acceptable. It takes him a few minutes to answer the door, frustration written on his face that Joel had interrupted his morning coffee with his wife. 

“You wanna come in?” He asked, “We’ve got enough for an extra mug.” 

Joel accepts, sitting down at the table with Maria whilst Tommy fixes his coffee, “So, to what do we owe the pleasure, brother?” Tommy finally asks when he’s sat back down at the table. 

“What are y’all doin’ tonight?” 

Tommy glances at Maria like any husband does when he’s not sure whether she’s made plans for them or not, she shakes her head, “Nothin’,” Tommy then answers, “Why?” 

Joel takes a deep breath, “I asked sweet pea for a drink tonight and now I’m thinkin’ it would probably be better if there were people there she actually knew, y’know, so it doesn’t feel like a date?” 

Tommy has a look of confusion on his face, “Who the hell is sweet pea?” He asks. 

Maria obviously kicks his leg under the table. Joel watches as she gives him a look and then a flash of recognition is appearing on his face, “She got a nickname already, that’s fast, even for you.” 

“Tommy please,” Joel begs, “I’m asking you a favour.” 

“And is it?” He asked, “Y’know, a date?” Maria swats a hand on his bicep, “What?!” He exclaims, “I’m just makin’ sure I got all the facts.” 

“Of course it’s not a date,” Joel grumbles, “I told you, I just don’t think it’s right she doesn’t feel like she can’t go anywhere, has to spend all her time cooped up in that house.” 

“Well, I for one think it’s a great idea,” Maria adds, “Although how you’ve managed to get her to agree to it in less than a week when we’ve been trying for months I won’t ever understand.” She’s smiling though, which Joel takes as a good thing.

“I’m pickin’ her up at six so just meet us at the bar, alright?” He’s standing to leave now. 

“Will do,” Maria stands and gives him a quick hug, “And thank you Joel, really, for whatever you’re doing for her.” 

*

It’s late afternoon, Joel is sitting at the table in the kitchen, warm cup of coffee in his hands, pouring over some maps Tommy had given him of the patrol routes so he could prepare himself to go out instead of doing wall patrol. Ellie comes bounding in through the front door, dropping her backpack on the floor. 

“Have fun?” He asks, she’s been with Dina since early this morning and he’s happy that she’s finally starting to make friends. 

She nods, walking through to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water from the tap, “Listen, I’m heading out tonight, with your Uncle Tommy and Maria, you gonna be alright by yourself?” 

“Where are you going?” 

“Just for a drink or two at the bar.” He replies, meeting her eyes, “What’s that look for?”

“Can I come?” 

He was about to protest, tell her that no, she couldn’t come. He never would have taken Sarah to the bar with Tommy before all this, but then that’s usually because he would spend his nights nursing a single drink whilst Tommy tried to pick someone up, before driving him and his lady back to Tommy’s place. This was different, just a family having a good time. And if he brought Ellie, surely that was more proof to you that he didn’t think of this as a date. You wouldn’t take your kid on a first date, would you? 

He shrugs his shoulder, “Sure, but no alcohol, you hear me?” 

She makes a cross over her heart, “Cross my heart.” 

He chuckles, “Well, go and have a shower and get ready, we’re heading out at six.”

A few streets over, you’re sat on your bed with your head in your hands trying not to cry. You have no idea why, but for the first time since the outbreak happened, you’re worried about what to wear. You remembered these dilemma’s from before. Sitting with your roommates before a night out discussing which of you was wearing a dress, who was going for a skirt and which of you was wearing jeans. It never really seemed to matter beyond the fact that none of you wanted to look like carbon copies of each other, but for some reason, this matters. 

You can’t place your finger on why though. You hadn’t ever cared what you wore around Mark. You weren’t trying to impress Joel – it was, after all, just a drink between friends. You’d circled the same three outfits from your wardrobe since Mark’s death – an old pair of jeans, or shorts when it got warm, and one of three plain t-shirts, two black, one white. The odd tank top for days in the garden or your thick jacket for the winter. 

It was warm outside, so you’d initially pulled one of two dresses you owned out of the wardrobe. Maria had traded it with you when you first arrived – it fell just above your knee and was a pale yellow colour. Short sleeves and a low neckline. It would have been perfect. If it wasn’t for the fact that you knew people would talk. Not only were you walking into the bar for the first time since your husband died, but you’d be doing it with Joel Miller in a silly little sundress. No, you wanted to make yourself as invisible as possible, to make this as easy as possible. 

Finally settling on a pair of shorts and the cleaner of the black t-shirts, you bend into your wardrobe for your boots, you’re fumbling around in the dim light but finally feel what you’re looking for but pulling them out you realise these are not the boots you wanted. 

They’re a pair of simple, brown cowboy boots. Mark had found them in a house just a few months before you stumbled into Jackson. He’d remembered a conversation you’d had when you were back in the QZ, one of the very first nights you’d slept together. You were splayed over his chest, hands running circles with your fingertips, talking about what you’d buy if you could go back to outbreak day and waste your money, knowing what was coming. 

He'd been practical, something about a bow and arrow to be able to get rid of infected without drawing the attention of others with the sounds of gunshots. You’d said a pair of cowboy boots. You’d always wanted some, and if this was going to be the last thing you could ever buy, it would be those. 

He’d got his signature grin on his face as he pulled them from behind his back and you swear if you were remembering right that you cried. He’d managed to fit them in your backpack with the promise that one day you’d be able to wear them to a barn dance or something, when you were safe and found a community. He hadn’t been wrong. The first fall in Jackson there had been a barn dance and you’d put them on and danced until you got blisters. 

They were dusty now, having been pushed to the back of the wardrobe and forgotten about in grief, but looking at them now there was a spattering of joy through your blood. You loved them. You would wear them. You sat on the edge of your bed, slipping your feet into them. They fit like a glove, almost like you’d gone straight to Nashville and had them made for you. You looked up to the ceiling, trying to imagine the sky above it and whispered a thank-you to Mark. You weren’t particularly religious, but it was a comfort to think he was out there somewhere. 

As you sat and waited for the clock to tick down to six, you realized that if he was out there somewhere, watching you, that he would be horrified at what you’d become. He’d hate that you were miserable, unable to do even the most basic tasks at the beginning of your grief. He’d want you to go out and make new friends, to enjoy the life you had left, no matter how hard it might be. 

*

“Joel, the bar is this way, where are you going?” 

“We have to go get someone first.” He replies to Ellie, walking in the opposite direction. 

She starts following, “Tommy and Maria?” She asks, when she’s finally caught up to him. 

“No, they’re meeting us there.” 

“Ohhhh,” She drags out, “Pie lady.” 

“Ellie, she has a name!” Joel exclaims. 

“I know, but that pie was fucking great,” She beams, “So, you’re bringing your entire family on your date?” 

“It’s not a date,” Joel grumbles, “Listen, she’s been goin’ through some stuff, so I’m just try’na be nice to her, make things a bit easier.” 

“Sure you are,” Ellie smirks, “You fix anyone else’s steps so far, old man?” 

“Ellie…” He almost moans at her, he’d not missed this side of things, Sarah was always poking fun at him when he’d been on a few failed dates back in the day, “Just be nice to her okay?” 

“I’m always nice,” She counters, “I heard Maria and Tommy talking about her a few days ago, you don’t have to worry about me.” 

Joel took a moment at the bottom of your steps before he walks up and knocks a few times on your door. You’d been on the other side for a few minutes, pacing lightly trying to keep yourself calm. You waited long enough to make it seem like you hadn’t been right behind it waiting for him to knock before you opened the door. 

Joel had to take a moment when you opened the door. Your hair looked freshly washed, flowing down your back and around your cheeks. You had a pink tinge to your cheeks as if you’d been rushing around to get ready and he couldn’t help letting his eyes wander to your shorts and down your legs, before shooting his eyes back to your face. 

“Ready?” He asks, clearing his throat. 

“As I’ll ever be,” You reply, stepping out and closing your door behind you, when you turn back around you notice that there’s a girl stood just behind him, “You must be Ellie, right?” 

“The one and only,” She grins, giving you a little wave, “Nice boots.” 

“Thanks,” You give her a genuine smile, “It’s lovely to meet you finally.” 

Joel is shifting to walk down the steps of the porch, so you follow him, trying to choke down the nerves in your belly. Ellie is making light conversation, telling you about the riding lesson she’d had yesterday whilst Joel was building your chairs. She seems genuinely excited about it, mentioning she’d ridden horses before with Joel before they arrived but wanted to learn properly. There was something about her excitement that put you at ease. Joel was quiet but kept looking over and smiling as she spoke. 

Before you knew it, you were outside The Tipsy Bison. You could hear the chatter behind the closed doors and panic was rising. You came to a stop, Ellie walking in front of you. Joel motioned for her to go inside but kept his place by your side. You could feel his hand come to your lower back, but all you could hear was the blood rushing in your ears. 

“Hey, you alright?” His voice was so low and deep, breaking through the rising panic. 

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes and tipping your head back, “I didn’t think it would be this hard.” You whimpered. 

“It’s alright, sweet pea, I’m right here,” His hand presses further into your back, “It’s a big step, but think how good it’ll feel once you do it.” 

You take a few more deep breaths, wringing your hands like you always do when you panic, before you turn your head to look at him, he’s taller than you and he’s looking down at you with those calm, brown eyes. He’s not pushing you, just waiting for you to be ready. 

“Okay,” You nod, “I guess we just need to rip the plaster off.” 

You take a step forward and Joel follows you, keeping his hand on your lower back. He pushes open the door and you didn’t really know what you were expecting, but no-one really stops their conversation. No-one even looks up at you. It calms you. Joel waves at a table and you can see Ellie sat at it with Tommy and Maria. Even more calm flows over you, all your friends are here. Everyone who would fight your corner for you are here. 

“Why don’t you go and sit down, let me get you a drink?” Joel asks, you nod, “What do you want?” 

“I haven’t been here in ages, but Shane used to make blackberry wine,” You speak, “If that’s not there then whatever you have is fine.” 

You drop your head to look at the floor, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, as you head to the table. Maria greets you with a hug, and Tommy is stood squeezing your arm as you wrap it around her neck, “So proud of you, doll.” She whispers into your hair, and you can feel tears prick at your eyes. You’re damn proud of yourself too. 

You take the seat that’s empty between Ellie and Maria, which puts your back to the rest of the room. It makes you feel safer, not being able to make eye contact with people. There’s quiet around the table until Joel places a glass of dark red liquid in front of you, you look up at him and smile, saying a quiet thank you before he takes the other empty seat across the table from you. 

“Looks like it’s time for a toast,” Tommy beams, lifting his glass of whiskey, the rest of the table follow him, “To friends.” 

You smile and you all clink your glasses together. You take a sip of your wine, trying to push away the memory of the last time you’d drunk it, just after Mark’s funeral. Maria had brought you a bottle to your house, trying to give you something to ease the pain. You’d drunk the entire bottle that evening, wiping away so many tears you didn’t know where they were coming from anymore. The hangover the next morning had been horrific, so you’d sworn then that it wasn’t the answer. This was your first drink since then. 

It was warming through your stomach, sweet and sticky, almost like medicine, but you have to pace yourself. You really want to drink the whole thing in one go and go back for another, but you put the glass down and instead try and zone into the conversation around the table. 

Ellie leans closer to you, “That pie was fucking awesome,” She grins, “I’ve never had anything quite like it, will you teach me how to make it?” 

You look to her and smile, you really like this girl, “Of course, you’ll have to wait for me to get my next round of rations, but it’s super easy.” 

“Do you always make it with strawberries?” 

You shake your head, “You can make pie with pretty much any fruit, my favourite before all this used to be apple pie, my mum used to make it with loads of cinnamon, and we’d have it warm with ice cream.” 

“Looks like she’s made a miraculous recovery, all of a sudden.” 

Dread sinks into your stomach when you catch the voice walking behind you, this is what you’d dreaded. The opportunity to laugh and forget for a few hours and people were judging you. You were waiting for the usual comment that you’d heard before, “If she can sit here and laugh, why can’t she start contributing again.” There wasn’t time for anyone to add anything else though, because Ellie was whipping around in her seat. 

“What did you just say?” She snaps, and you close your eyes, you don’t want her to get into an argument for you. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise we were being listened to.” You knew that voice, Vanessa. Her husband had been killed on patrol probably a year before Mark died. You envied her when you went through losing Mark, how she’d managed to bounce back after a few weeks, and you were sure that she envied the way you’d been given a pass to just float through until you were ready to become a real member of the community again. 

“Yes, you did,” Ellie retorts, standing from her chair, “It was loud enough for everyone to hear.” 

“Ellie, sit down.” You hear Joel ask, you look at him briefly, hoping your eyes could express how sorry you were for this. 

“No, this is bullshit,” Ellie continues, “It’s not fair for them to say that about you,” She looks to you this time, “You have as much right to be here as anyone.” 

“Ellie, that’s enough, mind your language.” Joel is standing now, as are Tommy and Maria, but you remain seating with your back to the room, trying not to let the hot tears of frustration fall from your eyes. 

“How about you just head back to your table, Vanessa?” You can hear Tommy say to try and diffuse the situation, it’s muffled in your ears, the blood rushing around them again. You’re trying to listen to your heartbeat to stop the rising panic in your chest. 

You assume that Tommy’s involvement means Vanessa does as she’s told because Ellie is sat next to you again, and you can feel Maria’s hand on your shoulder, “Are you alright, honey?” She asks, kneeling to grab your attention. 

You shake your head, and as always, someone’s kindness towards you is what tips you over the edge, you let a single tear drop down your cheek, furiously wiping it away, “I think maybe I’ll just go home.” 

Maria knows better than to push you in these situations, she squeezes your knee slightly and nods in understanding. 

“Let me walk you.” 

You look up to Joel for the first time, his jaw is clenched and his eyes, which are looking straight into your own, are full of guilt. This was his idea and it put you in this situation, “Okay.” You nod, standing up, leaving your half-finished glass of wine on the table. You don’t wait for him; you make a beeline for the exit and down the steps. 

He catches up to you a little way down the street, no doubt making sure that Ellie would be alright with Tommy and Maria whilst he drops you off. He doesn’t speak and doesn’t try to place that comforting hand on your back either, just walks next to you in silence. 

“I’m sorry.” Is all he says when you arrive at your front door. 

“It’s okay Joel, it wasn’t your fault.” You reassure, leaning on the front door. 

“It was my idea though, I’m sorry she said that to you.” 

You shrug, “I didn’t have to agree to go with you, neither you nor I can control what other people say.” 

“It’s still not fair that people think it’s okay to talk about you like though.” 

You shrug, “It’s my own fault really,” You always did this, brough it back yourself and your strength, or the lack of it, “They’re not wrong, I haven’t contributed to the community in over a year, I spend all of my time trying to avoid having to go back to normal because it’s easy, it’s easy to sit and do what I’ve always done, day in and day out.” 

He steps forward and takes your hands in his and for a moment you’re slightly overwhelmed by how they dwarf your own. Calloused and hard against the soft of your own skin, “Please don’t do that,” He implores, looking into your eyes, “Don’t minimize your pain, don’t say it’s easy, because it’s not,” He sighs, “People should understand that we all heal differently when we lose someone, I don’t know what her problem was, but please don’t stand in front of me and pretend she was right,” You’re almost overwhelmed by his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on the tops of your hands, so much so that another tear falls from your eye, “You never have to pretend with me.” 

His next move is unexpected. He lets go of one of your hands and uses his palm to cup your cheek. He brushes away the trail of tears that had fallen a moment ago, and you feel his thumb catch the one that falls when you close your eye and briefly let yourself be taken away by his touch. No-one had touched you like this since Mark and for a moment you enjoyed it. Almost like he could sense the quickening of your breathing as panic rose through you again, he drops his hand, letting your other hand go before he pulls you into a hug. 

Instinctively, you wrap your arms around his waist and breathe in the scent of his jacket. There’s a hint of the washing powder from the laundry room, there’s a hint of tobacco which you think might be from the standard issue body soap that is issued to the men in Jackson, homemade in Brenda’s kitchen, and then something that is distinctly Joel. Before you can get too wrapped up in it, he’s whispering a “Sorry.” Into your hair and pulling back. You wonder what he’s actually sorry for – what happened before? Or the way he’d touched you. You don’t ask because you’re not ready for the answer. 

He pulls away and finally steps away from you, “You’re hell of a man Joel Miller,” You whisper softly, “Thank you.” Thank you for being you. You want to say. Thank you for pushing me, even though I don’t think you realise you are right now. You want to add. But you leave it where you left it. 

“You’re hell of a woman too, sweet pea.” 

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[runnning-outof-time]

“Sweetest of the sunflowers, how you’re the sun to me.”

Moodboard inspired by the Zach Bryan song ‘Sun to Me’.

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This is created for @acewritesfics ‘s 1K follower celebration. I hope you don’t mind that I used a song for inspiration instead of the lovely prompts that you shared with us. Of course, I couldn’t just stop at a moodboard and had to write a little blurb with it…and I may have gotten a little carried away. I’m sorry it took a little bit to post. Enjoy! :)

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

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Sun To Me - Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: none

Summary: Tommy reflects on his relationship with (Y/N) one morning when she’s made it so he can’t get out of bed.

Tommy rubbed his eyes as he awoke from his sleep. He reached over to his nightstand, blindly groping around for the pocketwatch until he found it. He brought it close to his face and opened it, squinting to see the time: 5:40am. He should get up and start his day. But he couldn’t.

(Y/N) was practically laying on top of him. Her arm was outstretched across his torso, and she was somehow sleeping sideways; with her legs completely on top of his. She was still sleeping, a peaceful smile just barely visible on her lips as she held onto him. Who was he to wake such a beautiful sight?

The fact that she wanted to be with him still surprised him daily. He couldn't quite remember much of the first time he'd seen her. She walked into the Garrison and stepped right into the frame created by the cloud of smoke from his cigarette. She was back in town visiting her family, and her brother had decided to take her out for the night. Their family was good; one of the most respected in town, but yet she still entertained him when he found an empty spot by her side at the bar. He swore that the only bad she'd ever done in her life was seeing the good in him.

The day he learned that she would be staying in Small Heath because of her new job was the day that he decided to ask her to be his girlfriend. She agreed, and she'd been by his side ever since.

They'd gotten through some rough times together. From being by his side when it seemed as though his family was at odds with him, to helping him in any way she could when he was down and out after being injured. She'd seen every side of him. He trusted her more than he did anyone else. Because of this, oftentimes, she was the only one he'd talk to; the only one he'd express his fears and worries to. And she'd actively listen to them...he always respected, and hoped to hear, her thoughts on the matters.

He could always hear his mother in the back of his mind when he was with (Y/N). She'd always used to tell him: 'find someone who grows flowers in the darkest parts of you' and 'you'll find someone, somewhere, someday who grows you to the clouds'. He wished she could be around to see (Y/N) because she's the exact type of woman that she was talking about.

She made all the hell he was going through worth it.

"You're still in bed, Tommy?" she sleepy voice broke him from his thoughts.

"I am," he answered her, turning his head to the side so the he could focus his attention on her, "I really couldn't move, even if I wanted to," he then added, his hand moving underneath the covers so that it could rest on the thigh she had draped over his legs.

(Y/N) gasped at his touch before a bit of a guilty smile formed on her face. "I'm sorry about that," she said, her bashfulness evident in the words she said.

"Don't be," he brushed her apology off, grinning as she scooted even closer to him so that her body was practically squished up against his. He welcomed her actions, squeezing her thigh gently as she settled in again.

"I'm not keeping you from work, am I?" she checked with him.

Of course she was. There was always work to be done. But with the way she was batting her eyelashes and smiling up at him, work was the last thing he had on his mind. "No," he answered her with a slight shake of his head, "you're not."

"You sure?" She knew him better than that.

"You're not," he insisted, bending his head down so that he could kiss her lips softly. He pulled away slightly so that he could speak again, his lips just barely brushing hers as he continued speaking, "I want to spend the morning in bed with you," he said to her, feeling her smile form after he finished speaking.

She pulled away from him so that she could look him in the eyes; her smile was wide enough that it was touching hers. "I'm never going to turn that down," she said to him, scooting in the bed again.

This time she moved her body upwards so that she could properly kiss him, and Tommy made sure to move his hands up to her waist so that he could trap her there and make sure that their kiss lasted for as long as he intended it to.

Neither of the two were unhappy with the fact that they spent the entire morning in bed; sharing lazy kisses as the sun bathed them in its warm light.

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MASTERLIST

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Jennifer Lopez

At this point, Jay is very unpopular with the world at large. There’s many things come out about her that aren’t too good and also she could be attached to this whole Diddy drama with the fact that his house got rated the things with Rodney Jenkins the music prodigy who works on did he love album And the fact that at the time did he spilt some tea on the fact that the night he was in the club with Jennifer that they did have a gun and that she held it in his purse and he did shoot someone it was down to him even though somebody else got the jail sentence these fucking people up in power. Everything is a bribery. Everything is a game and you you win or you lose it so snakes and ladders, it’s why they’re also connected to Jeffrey Epstein as well because that was all a game of bribery they all cameras in the house they all up to the same debauchery rubbish but different degrees and it kind of reminds me of is the pornographic world and how porn actors go Darker and darker into the role of it so let’s say someone starts off doing a blow job scene, then they get told alright you’re ready for sex now we do it all different positions everything, and the woman’s like yeah sure I’ll do that I don’t mind at all and then carries on and something comes along. There is something that isn’t quite you but you get told that you’ll get paid a lot of money for doing this act now there are choices in this but they may not feel like they have those choices, especially if they’re working with the butcher kind of people which I’m sure they are, talk about it. She said about the time and she has tears in her eyes when someone pissed down her throat., and I’m sorry I have to say as somebody used to love porn in their 20s and late teenagers, looking back and I always thought it at the time anyway I hate the way they were the pornos and the films for example fat slut takes it up there or something like that, it’s never for men men just treated differently and always well-being. It seems., it’s just unfair that it’s just realistic.,,,, anyway going back to the scenario they get paid all this money for doing it so they do it and then another thing comes up and then they get numb to it and then they start taking drugs to cope with the pain all the time you’re gonna be destroying and you have to have the right mental constitution is gonna end badly.

She is definitely into this world Jennifer Lopez that that is she came into the scene with Diddy when he got her on this song that was originally somebody else’s surprise surprise I’m that was if you had my love, because before that she was more of an actress and if you’re a millennial you grew up with Jennifer and at the time of course he didn’t know all these things. I was a huge fan but we started to slowly realise that it was her vocals that she was using Natasha Ramos! Anyway, she got involved with Tommy Matola, who at this point was Mariah Carey‘s ex-husband and at the time he hated Mariah and he wanted to sabotage her career mainly because she’d got away from him he brought brought and had them but changed a little bit to her music. He’d ring up all the radio station saying don’t play any music off. The glitter soundtrack . Wendy Williams was one of the first people to Diddy and I think she was hinting at the fact that he was gay , see you guys people don’t mind if you’re gay. That is not the problem. The problem is that you are homophobic and closeted. That is the part that people do not like, and the other part people do not like is the fact that your predatory and that you grow up and that you do things to people , and let’s face it Jennifer Lopez is a glorified Kardashian if you wanna put it nicely , she’s an amazing business , a nice person she was told or told people not to look in the eyes and you know Wendy Williams dead she did it anyway and I love her. I miss Wendy somebody said she followed Jay to the bathroom and she didn’t wash her hands . but now she is connected to another ex who is her husband I think and that is Ben Affleck who has his own issues with addiction and alcoholism , and she still from Jennifer Gardner who was there for him , Yes, maybe so so she has a passion of being with people for my past and also while she was with Puff Daddy P. Diddy whatever you wanna call him he was with his wife Kim Porters, but Jennifer Lopez was his showgirl girlfriend his celebrity girlfriend his popstar .

So Jennifer isn’t that popular for many reasons such as that and the fact that she stole lyrics of Ashanti and her voice the fact I say she’s a glorified Kardashian she’s made a career of not very much and then there’s a few with Mariah Carey and I don’t know her, and I don’t take no shit. She’s not gonna pretend she’s not gonna be humble like Ashanti is because Mariah is not a libra like Ashanti she’s a powerful Aries woman and it’s just another case of. I don’t know her in my case me talking to you here Leo woman who cannot stand the fact she’s getting older and less relevant who is another Leo woman who does this? Why who else could it be? Madonna Who has a reputation of not being that madonna, who are the people who don’t Madonna Diana Ross Michael Jackson Cher . I think the time could come where she has looked into because of the whole Diddy situation correct me if I’m wrong but he’s just an example of why is not so popular but she has that healthy Leo ego I’ve not giving a shit .