#if you’re incapable of accepting or being cool with the fact that human bodies are just kind of squishy and fluid filled and sometimes make

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

So

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Or

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

[wallwriterstuff]

Am I allowed to place in a request for Mr svelte tracker boi Demetri? I need my greek boi fix. 😅😂 My stimming (due to my slight autism and anxiety) has been kinda bad lately and I was wondering if you could do some headcanons on how he would be with a reader who has that going on? (For example, some of my stimming signs are restless, uncontrollable finger twitches sometimes, and sudden limb movements and facial twitches I can't control 😅) Thanks! Also, sorry if this is too touchy a subject!🙈

You most certainly are allowed and I cannot express how hard I fangirled when I realised it was you in my ask box. I played it very cool but just know I was dying inside from the moment I saw your username come up XD 

TW: Mentions of anxiety and sensory overload. If that’s a little personal to you please be cautious about reading this one!

I’m incapable of writing short things it seems so it’s another long one.

Self-stimulating behaviour, known more commonly as stimming, usually involves repetitive movements and/or sounds. Though it is most often associated with autism (I know when I first saw the word stimming that was where my mind immediately went to) everybody stims in some way, shape or form to relieve stress, tension, anxiety, boredom etc. Some ways are less noticeable than others such as nail biting or finger tapping, while others can be more obvious and disruptive to your social/daily life like licking certain objects or scratching at skin.

I learned all this from doing a bit of reading before taking on this request and if you want to know more then the link to the article I read is right -----> HERE <------ ! It’s informed my ideas for this headcanon request and though I’m open to discussions about the topic to help educate myself and anyone else who wishes to learn more, what I will not tolerate is any sort of hate or discrimination based on the links to developmental disorders and mental illness that stimming has. This blog has and always will be a safe space for anyone and everyone and a little respect for one another will help keep it that way. Be kind folks!

So without further ado, how would Demetri react to you stimming I wonder?

Part 1: Headcanons below the Keep Reading Line Part 2: Teeth (fic) Part 3: Control (fic) 

·         He honestly wouldn’t really notice for a while because, well, humans aren’t exactly designed to be as flawless as vampires

·         Impromptu nosebleeds, migraines, sneezes…they’re just glitches in a faulty system so why is the way your leg just bounced up off of the floor while your sitting any different to those other equally as involuntary things

·         He’s struggling right now to, after all he just met his very human mate and it’s quite overwhelming for him to have to adapt to all these new feelings and situations he finds himself in, but he deals because he can

·         Some days, you just…can’t

·         Getting attacked by a man with some bizarre fascination with your neck is bad enough but being whisked away by strangers is somehow even worse. At least in the first scenario once it’s over it’s over, now you’re just living an anxious person’s nightmare in a new place full of new people

·         Volterra was beautiful, but it wasn’t home. No cosy apartment, no neighbours cat to feed, no monotonous shifts at work…

·         Actually, most of the time you’re left utterly alone to navigate an unfamiliar castle, and the times you aren’t alone is when there’s a man claiming to be your eternal lover in front of you

·         Try to convince me this man doesn’t rip the band aid off and profess his love for you with dramatic flair just TRY

·         Your days are filled with endless boredom where you’re doing nothing at all until someone checks on you, and then fight or flight kicks in because oh HELLO Mr Vampire guard are you here to give me lunch or kill me?

 ·         Demetri had thought that perhaps you were okay with that, since you hadn’t really outwardly reacted beyond the way your cheek twitched up into a smirk once or twice as he spoke. Hell, you’d even winked at him…right?

·         You did that a lot so he really genuinely thought that maybe you were just trying to flirt with him, build a relationship with him. Your constant little winks and the way your fingers twitched when he was nearby, like you so desperately wanted to reach out to him…

·         It took a few weeks before he realised how wrong he was

·         You’d reached for a sip of water and your arm had just whipped outward from your body

          + You’d absolutely drenched him with your entire glass of water and could only stare in abject horror wondering what the supposed vampire would do next, since you’d interrupted him rather smugly detailing his plans for your first date

·         Silence

·         There was just silence

·         It only made your anxiety worse and the muscles in your face just spasmed without your permission and - god did you just smirk at him again, oh no        

         + “I’m glad one of us finds this amusing. If you did not like the idea there were other ways to tell me so.”

 ·         You almost want to cry from sheer embarrassment at this point because the date really had sounded like it could be fun and now you’d just straight up thrown water in his face like he’d insulted you in the worst way imaginable

·         So you come clean and tell him about your stimming

·         He’s really worried at first because autism? Anxiety he’s heard of but autism sounds very dangerous, are you dying? You’re probably dying. He’s going to lose his mate –

·         Another involuntary finger twitch from you forces him to calm down because your anxious enough without his worrying on top, so he kind of brushes it off and makes no big deal out of it

·         Squeezes your hand and kisses your forehead to try and reassure you all is forgiven, even if he does have to go change a very expensive looking designer shirt and god you’re so sorry

·         Of course, that kind of makes it worse for you because anxiety brain is activated and your 99.9999% sure he’s actually furious with you still and has only pretended to forget it while he’s plotting his revenge

·         You see him late at night when you struggle to fall and stay asleep, reading in the low lamplight at his desk across the room, his laptop propped open and a notebook before him but you’re too scared still to ask what it is he’s reading so intently (probably good suggestions on places to bury your body welp)

·         It’s a complete surprise to you therefore when he does take you out on that date he promised you not two weeks later

 ·         He’s chosen a nice overcast day so he’s in the least conspicuous clothing he owns

            + Demetri’s least conspicuous clothes still consist of the most chic and expensive brands you know of and he sticks out like a sore thumb amongst the quaint little market stalls he’s brought you to see

·         Despite the gloomy weather the people of Volterra are out in full force though, swarming the market stalls and chattering and laughing as flashes of gold and silver from jewelry hit your eyes, bright coloured fabrics following

·         It’s all just too much

·         There’s people everywhere and so much noise, so many colours and lights and people brushing past you…

·         Your fingers clench tight around his, his hand immersed in a glove to keep his freezing skin from chilling you too much

·         He squeezes back lightly, eyes shifting to glance down at you with the kindest smile on his lips

         + “Keep squeezing my hand whilst we find somewhere quieter to stand.”

·         Your fingers seemed to take turns pressing into his rock solid skin, an odd sort of comfort coming from the fact you know you can press down hard and he won’t so much as register the sensation, and Demetri squeezes back, just firm enough he knows you can feel the pressure of his palm on yours

·         He takes you to a quiet little side road where the noise is much more faded and there is so much free space around you you feel like you can finally breathe again

·         He still hasn’t stopped squeezing your hand, taking turns with you as you take some steady breaths and try to focus your senses a bit, one thing you can feel, two things you can see, three you can smell...

 ·         “I hope you can forgive me, I did not expect the market to be so busy today with the weather like this.”

·         His apology takes you completely by surprise because how would he even know you struggled with crowds? You barely know each other?

·         Seeing your surprise Demetri rather sheepishly admits as to what exactly he’s been reading all those nights you’ve seen him at his desk, and you’re a little overwhelmed to realise he’s been reading about you

·         Medical journals, mummyblogs, charity websites and more, if it had any information about autism and stimming he’s browsed through it and taken copious amounts of notes, observing you religiously to see what might be relevant to you and how he can help ·         +  “I read somewhere you self-stimulate to calm yourself when you are anxious or your senses feel overwhelmed, is that what happened?”                                    “Well, yes, actually, I…I…”

            “And did it help? Taking you away from the source of stress and letting you squeeze my hand like that?”

·         It had actually, you felt much calmer and Demetri’s obvious acceptance and willingness to help you manage your stimming and anxiety today were one of the first little moments you fell in love with him, looking back on it 

·         He didn’t stop there either. Together you sat down and made a list of all the things that you found most often triggered your stimming, and all of the things that brought you joy so he could figure out things to avoid and things you might like for your future dates

·         Within hours of arriving home you’d gotten a whole new daily routine set up so you weren’t left to languish and wonder what was going to happen next

·         Three days later an express shipment of your favourite smelling scented candles arrived alongside a Bluetooth speaker, supplies Demetri insisted were necessary for nice calming baths on the days your anxiety was playing up

·         He started doing mindfulness practices with you in the evenings

·         He never touched the volume controls for his laptop, speaker or TV, leaving it to you to control the volume so you could set it to a level you were comfortable with, and he religiously policed the noise on his floor to           + “Where are you going? The movie just started…”                                                    “To tell Felix to turn his music down.”               “You’re vampiring again Metri, I can’t even hear that.”

·         When he signed you up for Yoga and meditation classes at a centre in town you drew the line and told him he was going overboard, but bless him he had tried

·         Overall he’s a solid 15/10 for effort, even if some ideas are still experimental - you’re enjoying the deep pressure massages a lot though – and he sometimes goes a bit mother-hen trying to get you out of situations he thinks you’ll struggle with, when actually you’re coping just fine today

·         You love him dearly for it

[lokidrabbles]

Sweet-Scented Alien (Loki x Reader)

Loki has another difficult night and the reader takes care of him

A/N: Another Loki has really bad nightmares one shot! I know I kinda go all over the place with this one, but I tend to have a lot of ideas for Loki’s POV. However, I hope you all can enjoy! As always, Gender Neutral Reader!

Warnings: Suggested smut, but not really

The same nightmare continued to torment the Asgardian prince. The destruction of Asgard, the loss of his parents, and the Titan’s enormous grasp around his neck would resume like a broken record until a morbid snap in his neck would shove him awake into the real world.

He gasped for air as his body jolted him awake, frozen in place while his mind still processed the tangibility of his surroundings. He would instinctively reach to feel the back of his neck, an effort to make sure it still remained in tact. He still remained in one piece, and he considered himself unworthy of his blessings.

The mad Titan still lingered somewhere out there, in search of Loki, in search of unimaginable power. Loki had the fortune of being able to stay out of the Titan’s radar for this long, but the possibility still remained. He was out there, and Loki hid himself away like a coward, here with you, exposing you to the unimaginable danger.

Tonight’s was especially vivid, and he couldn’t imagine such a brutal way to be permanently discarded of. He quickly dug his nails into his forearm, making his pain evident for him to fully bring himself in focus. He attempted to stabilize his breathing, but his efforts remained futile for now. He avoided wanted to wake you up, but you were always sensitive about these things, and as if on cue, he felt you shift and slowly turn towards him.

“Hey, Loki. What’s wrong?” He heard you say softly.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine.” He responded hastily, but only to still catch his breath.

“You’re shaking. Did you have another bad dream?” He sensed your concern grow, feeling you sit upwards against the backboard of your bed.

It was difficult to admit he did. Not only did he detest seeing you worry about his well being, as that was his obligation to you, but he detested how vulnerable he appeared in front of you. He’d dread at the possibility of being perceived as weak, someone incapable of protecting you, all because of a dream.

“Please, I don’t need you to hold my hand constantly over this.” He responded, intending for it to come out as disconnected as he could.

“Loki, you’re literally shaking.” You said as a matter of fact. Loki soon felt the touch of your palm over his cheek, relishing in the warmness you provided. “You’re freezing too.”

Adrenaline rushed through him at the though of his body temperature dropping dramatically. You weren’t jesting about something this, and he knew his mental and emotional vulnerability must have triggered some part of his frost giant biology to act defensively. He needed to gain control ASAP, before something worse appeared.

“Err, I think I should just rest somewhere else, just so I won’t continue waking you up anymore. Perhaps, that couch in your living room?”

“What? Loki, don’t be stupid. I want you to stay here with me, especially if you had another nightmare like that.” You said while tugging at his forearm, seemingly disregarding his unusual coldness.

You were a fool, but his heart fluttered at your clinging. “Very well. However, I am a little apprehensive about resting. I honestly will stay up for the remainder of the evening.”

“Guess I’m staying up with you too.”

“You really mustn't stay up. You don’t enough rest for your human body as it is, no matter how much I lecture you about it.”

He could see you roll your eyes within the darkness. “You have to let me take care of you Loki, that’s part of the deal we had.”

“I don’t need to be taken care of.”

“Uh-huh.”

Loki felt the covers flying off of you as you rose up from your bed, padding gently across your floor. You made your way into your bathroom, flicking the lights on and beginning to rummage through your belongings.

Loki squinted at the sudden brightness, peering off the side to catch a glimpse at whatever you were doing. “(Y/N). You must come rest.”

“I will.” You exclaimed from afar. “But I got something for you first.”

Damn. “Stop with the foolishness. I told you I’m fine.”

You didn’t respond, and Loki could only hear you still rummaging. He focused his hearing to catch anything pertinent, before he would justly stomp into that bathroom, pick you up, and toss you back into bed. This was his own issue to deal with after all and he still cringed at the idea of having this mortal, this human, willingly tend to him.

His ears perked at the sound of a squeaking hinge, and then of running water. Oh no.

You slowly stepped out, your pajama sleeves rolled at the way up to your elbows. Your hair was still a mess, and the circles under your eyes suggested you definitely had not gotten enough sleep this night. But still you stood there, and even in your most dullest appearance, Loki still thought you were lovely.

“Okay, start getting naked.” You said through a yawn.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m drawing you a warm bath dummy. You’re sticky, and maybe you can relax more if your body warmed up too.”

The act of kindness was too sickening for him. Loki was a frost giant, and although he always maintained good homeostasis over his own biological temperature, he would always be naturally a bit colder than most aesir or humans. It wasn’t something to be saddened about, it was simply how he was. And yet, with your best efforts, you still desired to provide him with relief, even if it probably wouldn’t have any effect on him at all. It was all charming, and Loki had grown very unused to having someone mend his perceived suffering. Again, he felt his heart flutter at the notion.

“You cannot be serious.” He said flatly, a small piece of him hoping you’d still pester him about it.

“Come one, you’ll feel much better. And then after, I promise I’ll go back to sleep, deal?”

“Hmm. You strike up a difficult bargain, human. But very well, if it will get you off my back and get you some rest.”

You provided Loki with two thumbs up, sealing the verbal agreement. Loki groaned, pushing himself off the bed and beginning to discard his clothes. From the corner of his eye, he could see you leaning on the doorway into your bathroom, blatantly ogling at him and his bare body. Not that Loki really minded. In fact, he felt some sense of pride at how easily you’d become distracted at his nude form. Which of course meant you wouldn’t have eyes for anyone else.

“You’re staring.” He said teasingly.

“Guilty as charged. Now come on, before I start getting any more ideas.”

Loki  trudged behind you into your bathroom, a heavy scent filling his nostrils immediately. It was sweet and nutty, and he immediately identified this scent as your own. There would be days, special occasions, where you would bathe in this sweet almond scent. He thought it was purposeful, for he would be unable to keep his hands off of you, rejoicing in the intoxicating smell gently coming from your hair and skin.

“You’re not getting nude as well?” He asked disappointingly.

“Good idea. But my tub is too small, and it wouldn’t be as fun as you’d imagine.” You reached over to grab his wrist, coaxing him towards your tub.

Steam began to tickle at his nose, and he raised a questioning eyebrow at the ridiculous amount of soap and foam rising. “This wasn’t necessary.”

“Sure it was, go ahead and dip in.”

He sighed, knowing he had to oblige in fear that you would become upset at him. He carefully took one step in, shivering at the sudden exposure to the searing temperature. The heat would soon cool off as soon as he’d emerge his entire body in, but of course you didn’t realize that would happen. Nevertheless,  he slowly submerged himself (or as much as he could), enjoying the brief heat that engulfed his skin. He inhaled and let out a deep breath, sinking his hair into the bubbly water. The almond scent now fully took over his entire sense of smell, and he closed his eyes. He imagined this heat as your own, this smell as your own, covering him entirely.

You had perched beside him and your tub, seemingly not minding the water that had splashed over. You dipped a finger in, as if making sure the temperature was adequate enough for him. Another yawn escaped your mouth while doing so and Loki immediately took notice.

“You’re exhausted and you’re making it very obvious. Now, this was your own doing. I don’t want to be blamed for this in the morning.”

You waved your hand to dismiss his comment. “That’s not what’s important right now. How are you feeling?”

“A tad ridiculous with my knees protruding out like so. But yes, the water is quite nice.”

As sleepy as you were, he saw you beam with joy. “Good to hear. I’m hoping this means you’ll be more open to my methods here.”

“I’m only doing this so you’ll stop worrying and go back to bed.” Part of it was true, and the other part mostly involved still wanting to appease you.

“Oh stop it.” You said, playfully splashing some water at him. “Let me do this for you, it’s the least I could do after all you’ve done for me.”

That last part was hard to fully accept. Truly, he didn’t think he’d done much for you. Or at least, he interpreted it much differently than you did. He knew humans were very meticulous in their way of expressing love and care, and while he was no stranger to it, he was rusty about it. The closest thing that popped in his head was that time he carried you back home after you had gotten inebriated, but he was certain you didn’t want to hear about that again.

“You’ll have to forgive me, but that’s a bit of a stretch for my liking.” He said, dipping his head backwards into the water.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just not sure if what you say is true. I can easily go inside your mind and find out for myself. But even so, I doubt I’d believe that.”

“Believe what, that you haven’t done anything for me?” You asked incredulously.

“I suppose that’s the curse I carry. You know, still being apprehensive about all of this.” He knew it sounded harsh, to even question his relationship with you, but a big function of this relationship was his honesty with you. He knew you wouldn’t cast him away with these words, but there was a speck inside of him that would be terrified of the notion.

He saw your lips twist disapprovingly, and then you shoved a chunk of bubbles right into his face. “You know, for being insanely intelligent, you can be pretty damn stupid too.”

His brows furrowed, shoving away the soapy residue from his face. “Not exactly what I expected to hear.”

“Loki, I’d like to safely think that us sleeping together, having sex, sharing meals, dealing with our worst attitudes on a daily basis, and screwing around with Tony Stark should at least suggest something to you.” You said aggressively. “You think I’d just let anyone call me a stupid human with no discernible reason.”

He opened his mouth temporarily to spew out an argument, but promptly sealed his lips once he noticed how irked you had become. He often enjoyed irking you about several things, but this wasn’t the best way to go at it. He could tell from your approach and body language that you were dead serious about it, and he genuinely wanted to believe that.

“You really need to get it through your head that you matter to me, like a lot.” You continued, standing up and reaching over to grab one of your towels. “I really don’t know how else to say it so you can fully understand.”

“Perhaps, there is something you could do. You know, just so I can understand better.” He said lowly, almost muttering it.

“Oh, and what exactly is that?”

“I’m going to need you to come closer. Come kneel beside me.” He said, his voice low and sultry.

A smirk appeared on your face, following his words and perching next to him and beside your tub again. He lifted his upper body, lather and water spilling all across his chest and arms and leaned into your lips. He heard a quick ‘oh’ escape from you, satisfied at how quickly you had responded to his actions. In one swift move, Loki grabbed your forearm, and yanked you into towards him. You cursed and fell face forward into him and into the now lukewarm water, splashing and making a terrible mess of all things. Loki saw how your legs flailed comically and couldn’t hold back the irresistible grin decorating his cheeks. You must have flopped around for a good minute or so until you managed to hold yourself up by your arms, hair and clothes absolutely drenched.

“Ehehehe.” He sniggered, loving the absolute look of indignation you shot at him.

“God, why do you have to be such a dick?” You muttered, along with some other offensive words.

“That’s it. That’s all I needed, I fully understand now. Thank you so much for that spectacle (Y/N). I believe I can say with confidence that I truly enjoy being with you as well.” 

“You’re such a little shit, oh my god.” You lunged at him, making your best attempts to push his head underwater. “Why are you always making me fall for stupid shit?”

“Darling, please!” He exclaimed, grin still very present. “Please don’t end me in such a way. Not at least till you get rid of those soaked garments first.”

“No fucking way-”

“Ah, fucking? You’ve read my mind indeed. Well, if you are suggesting it.”

You groaned loudly, standing up, hair and clothes dripping wet. You stomped out in a fury, muttering things along the way which Loki could only catch as another clear ‘fuck you.’

He followed suit and rose from the water, tip toeing behind you while soap suds still fell from his bare body. The nightmare from earlier that evening would soon be long forgotten, and although Loki’s attempts at getting down and dirty with you wouldn’t be successful, there was something much more important at hand, something he’d fully come to realize with his little prank.

[lullabiesandgoodbyes]

Okay, you’d probably expect a dump of feelings regarding La Casa de Papel P4:

( here be spoilers, obviously )

It’s a fact that the writing of LCDP has never been brilliant. The heist was clever, but some scenes were far-fetched and the dialogue faltered many times. Still, I was mainly here for the characters: criminals, flawed people whose human side was revealed through the episodes, that was the reason why I got attached to the show.

I can’t help but to feel disappointed that they seemed to have lost perspective of them: the characters were turned into puppets for the sake of dRAmA!!1, became caricatures of what they used to be - this is already our 4th year with them, we know them, and please don’t call it character development when it’s so obviously just bad writing. They deserved better than this.

That being said:

- It’s not even the fact that Nairobi was killed; it’s the fact they’ve created and developed a strong female character, shot her for a cliffhanger at the end of P3, saved her at the beginning of P4, had both her body and mind tortured multiple times while still not fully recovered, and then simply put a bullet in her head by betrayal, with no honor nor glory. And for what, shock value?! Fuck you!!

- Since we’re talking about Nairobi: it’s not that she shouldn’t want to be a mother ( people claiming but she’s a feminist!! can shut the fuck up ), but she already was a mother, despite having no son for years, one that once got offended after being told that she should just have another baby to replace the one she had lost. Now, not only they gave me no closure regarding Axel and the way the Police used him to bring her down, but they also forced me to witness this marvellous woman emotionally manipulating a man that she knew to be in a committed relationship to have a baby with her and then partying with his partner ( her supposed friend ) without telling her the truth;

- The same can be pointed at Tokio, going ( again! ) after Denver, “ let’s fuck and pretend it never happened “ - they actually tried to tell us female friendships, yay!! and then have her sexually pining after her supposed friend’s husband, twice. Like, what are even women to each other if not rude bitches, right?

- Look, I don’t know what kind of wet dream these writers have about Tokio, but it’s time for them to actually acknowledge her faults, no? Nairobi would never consider her a good leader; the team would never accept her as a good leader; Tokio is simply not a good leader. Also, so much disgust at all the sexual innuendos between her and Gandía and the general idea that he only kept her alive because she turned him on...

- I was honestly laughing at the whole surgery scene; I gave it a pass when they helped Mónica with that infected wound back in P1 because..., but this was so ridiculous it was too much for me to bear. Tokio is becoming the Rachel Berry of LCDP and you have no idea how much it bothers me to write these actual words;

- She still had her moments, though. Not enough for me to love her, but I will always defend Tokio from a fandom who hates on her at the same time that idolatrizes Berlín, for fuck’s sake... -.-

- Raquel was one of the best characters this show had on P1-2. If Lisboa doesn’t grow a personality detached from El Profesor, I’ll be punching a wall, seriously, what did you reduce her to?

- But not everything was bad: Estocolmo is still MY GIRL!!!1 I’m still pissed they had to break up her marriage to give her some attention ( women are allowed to have partners and a life beyond them, in case you didn’t know ), but I generally liked her in P4 and how she’s slowly gaining her own place within the team. The whole discussion about seeing Denver in a new light was interesting ( I could write a whole essay about it ), but should have been better worded and developed, especially because this fandom is overall dumb and is already blaming it on her - but what else is new?

- I’m also only supporting this because I believe she’s dealing with her previous choices, and basically coming together after the initial Stockholm Syndrome, and will eventually get back together with Denver. If not, I’ll burn Netflix down;

- Also, being sad that Nairobi died, yes; coming after Estocolmo because she should have died instead, no, fuck you!! >:(

- Now, the major disappointment: thanks for throwing THREE years of development out of the window so Denver could chase Tokio’s ass, as if he ever felt for her half of the things he apparently did on P4, and thanks for nearly ruining my favorite character on this fuckery, starting with his rude commentaries about women ( he was in love with Mónica and still pushed her away because she wasn’t able to fully consent their relationship, but sure, let’s all agree that he sees women like cars because so funny!! Also, implying that he only ended up with Mónica because he couldn’t get Tokio, yes, that’s totally what happened, who the fuck wrote this shit...?? ) and ending on the toxic jealousy over his best friend being traumatized and finding his only comfort with his wife ( like, WTF was that even?! );

- Managing to regress Denver into someone he even wasn’t at the beginning of the show was probably worse than watching him die somewhere along the way, and, trust me, I hate to write this :’(((

- But thank you ( and this goes to Jaime Lorente, not the stupid writers ) for bringing him back on the last episodes. I guess this is what you get when writers don’t know how to properly do their jobs, but the writing has been a general mess since P3 so I’m choosing to still love him and want all good things for him. Including his wife back, because admitting his shit and trying to be better is still Denver’s redeeming quality, and I think she’s ready to accept that;

- I still think Ricardo is a better fit than Daniel :(((

- I admit that Manila was cool, but she still felt like a way for the show to gain some diversity points with a trans character that is not even played by a trans actress... Her conversation with Denver, although sweet, was vague and only complemented the initial feeling, since it could have lead him to reorganize his thoughts over male/female friendships ( as if P1-3!Denver ever needed that... ) and eventually served for nothing;

- That is, I’m choosing to believe they won’t make Denver/Manila happen on P5 because fuck them if they do...

- Also fuck everyone who’s coming after Río for being weak, and fuck whoever let the boy stay at the Bank after months of torture. The writing of his arc was just as bad as nearly everyone else’s ( perfectly able to shoot a missile in one day, incapable of holding a gun against Gandía on the other, wants everyone to kill him next... ) but his friendship with Estocolmo was worth it, loved them;

- He’s also a baby and he’s now Estocolmo and Denver’s new baby <333

- Last, but not least: I really didn’t like the way they turned Arturito into a major creep and confirmed rapist. This was a character we hated on principle, for being a headache and playing hero when he wasn’t more than an idiot, but this... What was even the point of this?

Some other random thoughts I have left:

- Helsinki: honestly, stop hurting him, please;

 - El Profesor: I can’t get myself to like his character, sorry I’m not sorry;

- Marsella: a good boy;

- Palermo: please die;

- Bogotá: not convinced, still don’t like him, can still die;

- Sierra: the best antagonist;

- Antoñanzas: the best sidekick;

- Moscú: I missed you, papa </3/3/3

- Berlín: * you’re not allowed in Heaven with the rest of them, go back to Hell, motherfucker *

- The Bank’s governor was cool, helping to save Nairobi, protecting Amanda and telling Arturito off :)))

- Hope Amanda gets her well-deserved revenge, let her cut Arturito’s dick when he’s asleep ( or awake, it doesn’t really matter );

- I missed Cincinnati and Miguel x_x

Also, the cast and crew saying P4 was a satisfying ending when it so obviously was a non-ending felt dishonest and I don’t like being played like that. Just assume you’re trying to milk the most out of it - and apparently losing grip of it all together.

So, yeah, I’ll be back for P5 because they left me hanging on, but the disappointment is real. I wish they had left it where it was supposed to end. :(((

[fierycosmos]

FFXV: Ignis Meeting his Date

Ignis is in charge to some degree over the ball currently going on – to celebrate the announcement of Noctis and Luna getting engaged (though mainly celebrating Noctis’ last night of bachelorhood, as Luna is not present). The ballroom was lavish that met all his expectations and the staff was acting according to his strict instruction. This night was important and he would not settle for having anything go wrong. He made sure to have the food to Noctis’ liking, due to his picky palette it wasn’t anything grand, but Noctis certainly looked pleased to not have too many vegetables present. Without picking up on it, a lavishly dressed woman made her appearance known with the clicking of her heels and the shine that exploded from her sequin-covered outfit. Behind her was Angela, who was asked to come, and on the invitation it was issued that everyone could be a plus one, and with (boss’ name) being freshly divorced, Angela was the rightful next choice. Though it did not make being (boss’ name)’s assistant any easier being at such an extravagant event where many of her peers floated around her. Angela knew she wouldn’t be able to enjoy going to this event, despite knowing the possibility that she may not ever be able to come to such an event again. Quickly, Angela is ditched as her boss went to socialize (&flirt) with people in her circle. This left Angela standing off the side, left people-watching as she knew no one else but her boss and knew she was not needed when her boss was amongst her closest friends and clients. For the most part, Angela didn’t mind staying mainly to herself, as she found every person she laid eyes on fascinating to scrutinize silently or admire their radiance as they shone much brighter than her. She had just finished her bubbly drink, trying to wash away feeling like a wallflower. A staff member came by to take her empty glass and offered her another, but she declined politely. As soon as he stepped away, a new figure appeared in front of her, almost too close for comfort. She sighed, as she was disappointed to find the only place to go was backwards and her back hit the beam that surrounded the dance floor. She suddenly felt trapped, not only by the close proximity but also by the strange wild look that stood out prominently in his eyes. It was a man that she could tell was a bit older than her, maybe by five years. He was dressed regally and of high caliber – and this added to her feeling intimidated, but also bewildered that someone like him would approach her in ay way. “What a beautiful lady you are, and yet you’re alone?” “You flatter me, sir. I came with my boss, I am here as a courtesy to her.” “Well then, would you fancy a dance to buy your time? Someone like you shouldn’t be sitting alone in the corner like this?” “Someone like me?” “A lady of obvious beauty, and I’m hoping grace.” “Again, you flatter me too much, sir.” “And sadly, I wouldn’t say I’m well-versed in dancing.” “Come now, you are too humble.” He compliments, laughing lightly. “Unfortunately, I am not joking.” She tries to smile, but she feels it probably looks like a grimace, but the man showed not being fazed by her demeanor. “I fear I would be at a loss out there.” “Not with me leading you.” He grasped her hand in what he must have assumed was charming, but Angela found creepy, she stiffens in her hold, and at her body language he tries to pull her closer to him – which she certainly didn’t want. She felt like she was pleading for her freedom and felt very defensive and overwhelmed. “I am positive you could find much better company – and grace – from another guest here.” She tries again to dissuade him. “And yet, here I am. I choose you.” He insists again, taking a hold of her other hand she had thought she could keep out of reach. As she was forced closer to him, she could smell a hint of alcohol seeping from his breath. She gulped silently as she felt she was approaching trouble. “B-but, sir…” She muttered out feebly. “It’s just dancing.” He practically yanks her this time, and his move made her abruptly slip away from her safe zone and immediately out onto the dance floor. “Come, I’m a great lead.” He boasts as he grasps her hand tightly, almost too tightly for her comfort. Then his hand travels to her hip and it brushes her hip roughly, which also caused her discomfort. His movements are not that graceful either, as she feels as though thanks to the alcohol he ingested, or due to not knowing how to lead well in general – that she would be yanked around the dance floor in a clumsy manner. She worried how she looked to the other guests here and felt some eyes begin to bore into her back. Out of the eyes that find their way facing Angela and her horrible dancing companion, Ignis is among the peers that took note of such abnormal behavior. He sees also the displeased and wary faces of the other guests. His perfect plan was about to go up in smoke if such a man continued to perform so inadequately. After his eyes glance over the entire venue, he settles his glance at the distraught face of Angela as she looks at the man - obviously showing discomfort as the man almost flings her around. He excuses himself from the party he was associating with and slowly began making his move towards the dancing duo. He had hoped he wouldn’t have to intervene, but even as the song ended and a new one was about to commence, and it was clear Angela was trying to excuse herself as politely as she knew how, the man was having none of it and didn’t seem to hear her. She was thrust into his embrace once more and Ignis’ pace increased when one of the man’s hands was getting too exploratory to prove to be proper at such an event.   Angela is left in the man’s incapable arms and being led in a waltz, or what she understood was a waltz by the other dancing couples, but had no clue given by the man leading her. Through her discomfort, she knew she didn’t want to make a scene, so she plasters on a pensive smile – now making it her mission to only plan on dancing for one more song, with what could be the rest of her night if she could have it her way. Sadly – for Angela – the man continued to show his overtly confident side, which she didn’t understand originated from, as the number of peers looking at them apprehensively gradually increased. What made matters worse was his hands beginning to wander, no longer hiding behind a fake modest façade and wanting to be more forward with his actions, mannerisms, and speech. Whatever he was saying to her, she did not pay mind as she was now completely focused on keeping her cool – not wanting to break down in front of all these people especially at a palace held event – and to escape as soon as possible. She thanks the Six when she hears the orchestra finish the last remaining chords of the number they were performing, and everyone stopped as they always did to applaud the fabulous works of the musicians. Again, Angela makes it her mission to move away from the man, and yet again she is confronted with him trying to make a move near the end of the song to keep her near by and in his peripheral, but is halted from bringing her in for another song with Ignis approaching and swiftly taking a hold of one of Angela’s hands in his gloved one. “Excuse me, might I have the honor of dancing with the lady?” “Yes.” Angela says while the man gives a firm “No.” Angela looks over at the man incredulously and speaks up again with another and more deliberate “Yes,” and squeezing Ignis’ hand in appreciation and acceptance. “But, we’re not done yet.” The man speaks up, unsatisfied with having his play-thing taken away from him so quickly. “Yes, you are.” Ignis insists as he pulls her gently away from the man’s grasp while tightly undoing the man’s grasp from Angela’s side (leaving red marks on the man’s hand) *the song changes and Ignis glides Angela away from the man to the beat of the new song* *Angela takes a big sigh of relief and smiles genuinely for the first time that night* “I don’t know how you knew, but thank you for stepping in.” “Perish the thought, his behavior was absolutely inappropriate.” “I’m sorry I could not step in sooner.” “The fact that you did is enough for me.” “You don’t mind dancing with me, do you?” “Not at all, as you actually asked and waited until I answered.” She praised with a smile he returned. “Apparently, such common sense was over his head.” She though aloud more bitterly. “Sadly, not everyone who is invited here goes through a screening based off their personality.” Ignis half-joked, though he was considering making that an official decree based off the man’s behavior, who thankfully disappeared from sight. “If you have any say, I think that would be a great ruling.” Angela joked along. “If only such a feat was so simple.” Ignis sighed, as he continued to glide the two across the floor with exquisite grace. “Though I suppose bringing it up to Noct would not be a horrible misstep.” “Noct?” Angela tipped her head to the side, showing her confusion. “Why Prince Noctis.” “Oh, I had no idea.” She blinked at him, surprised that such a dapper young man was friendly with the prince. Not that she knew the prince personally, but she pictured him having a contrasting personality to Ignis’. “And yet you asked of my influence.” He inquired. “As a joke I assure you.” Angela laughed, which earned a genuine smile on Ignis’ face to return. “Noct, huh?” She quipped, finding it nice that the prince seemed human now, now that she knew he had such a nickname. “It’s relieving to know that the prince ha surrounded himself with people like you.” “People like me?” He pursued with interest. “Intelligent, a great sense of common sense, heartfelt.” Angela listed, though she said the last detail more quietly, as it came out of her mouth unwillingly, though she couldn’t deny the truth of such a compliment. “I can’t accept such flattery.” Ignis replied acting bashful, and slightly surprised as to be referred to as ‘heartfelt’ – and hearing such a compliment from Angela made him smile more than before. “You are too kind and give me such credit.” “Still, I believe I’m a good judge of character.” She acknowledged, wanting to emphasize that she meant what she said and she believed he should hear it. “If only I knew how to avoid such ‘bad characters.’” “Sadly, only practice can teach you such an ability.” Ignis commented, and then something caught Angela’s eye that caused her to direct her attention off of Ignis for the first time since they began dancing. (Boss’ name)’s outfit was very reflective with sequins and the light suddenly caught it in such a way that the light drew Angela’s attention. And to Angela’s surprise, (boss’ name) was dancing with the stranger who practically harassed her to dance with him before. “Yeah well, my boss (boss’ name) sure keeps some strange company.” Angela commented as she directed Ingnis’ attention to said boss with a nod of her head. “Miss (boss’ name)? You’re here with her tonight?” Ignis inquired. “As her assistant, it was nothing more than guaranteed.” Angela explained, though feeling a lot less upset with the predicament now that she was dancing with Ignis, and she smiled to herself before continuing with her thought. “Despite not knowing what to do here, as I’m not an avid goer of events such as these.” “Again, another instance of where practice makes perfect.” Then as the two began to share another smile as they glided across the floor to the rousing music, something had caught Ignis’ eye. She peered at him curiously. “Speaking of, sadly, I believe I’m needed.” Ignis gestures over his shoulder and Angela follows his line of sight and sees a disgruntled Prince Noctis. With one last spin he led her to the edge of the dance floor and separated from her slightly. “Thank you for taking the time to dance with me” “It was an honor, you are a great lead.” She blushes at her own words, and Ignis smiles kindly. “Another time, then.” Ignis dips his head right before departing. However, before thinking, she reaches out a hand to grasp Ignis’. He halts in place and meets her eyes again. Now realizing what she’s done, she blushes and retreats her hand. She clears her throat and tries to speak. “S-so, there will be a next time?” She asks hopefully. “If you would like, of course.” Ignis smiles endearingly. “I would.” She smiles at his words. “I hate to ask on such short notice, but are you free tomorrow?” He looks back again to check on Noctis and evaluate his time. Deciding on what to do, he digs through his pocket for a card and then writes on the back of it with a pen from his chest pocket. “I have a tight schedule tomorrow – but I hope coffee would suffice.” Ignis admits as he hands her the card. “Please, give me a call and we can arrange a time to meet.” She nods her head timidly but with a sure smile. “I know of a great cafe that brews excellent coffee.” “It’s a date.” She agrees, and then blushes slightly brighter at her choice of words. Ignis on the other hand smiles at her bashfulness, as he too was going to consider the meet up a date too. He was grateful she chose the title so he wouldn’t have to and be ridden with embarrassment if assuming wrongly. “Indeed.” Ignis reaches for her hand once more, startling her somewhat, and swiftly brushes the top of her hand with a chaste touch of his lips. Her face immediately explodes in a wave of crimson. “I’m looking forward to it. Good night.” He dips his head once more before releasing her hand slowly and retreats to his friend. She blushes further as she watches his retreating form. She looks down at the card Ignis had given her and sees his scrawled his cell phone number neatly. She clutches the card in her hand, smiles to herself, and then places the card in her sleeve for safekeeping.       

________

so here's my other "ball setting" one-shot starring ignis this was more tense and dramatic than the other ones i have and i think this made it more fun and iggy even more charming (if that's possible) again like the last post i had with gladdy i just threw in a name aka "Angela" due to adding some specifics but insert yourself as you read and disregard the game also if you have suggestions for a name for the boss lady -- comment below whichever one i like best, i'll put in the story with an edit and give you credit   aside from that let me know what you thought would really love feedback   story belongs to me ignis and ffxv references are owned and were created by square enix 

[justjen523]

The Fantasy (Part 1)

MC x Leon

Rating E (18+)

For my girlie @thecelestiallibra  Thank you for the trade of a lifetime for me! You’re my hero!

The steam flooded the room as I closed the door behind me. It had been a long day at work and I was glad to finally be home alone in my apartment taking a long hot shower.

I was happy to finally have a day off even if it wasn't truly the case. Sure, I didn't have my job to go to but I had promised the gods I would assist them tomorrow. Not that I was complaining. No, not if he was going to be there.

I'm not sure when exactly it began but I started developing feelings for a certain someone. A fact even I hadn't accepted until the first night I dreamt of us in bed together. The dream had felt so real I hadn't been able to even look him in the eyes since. It didn't get any easier either as I continued to have those vivid dreams. My ever growing hunger for him manifesting in my sleep. It wasn’t like I was ever going to tell him. What would he ever want with a mere human like me?

That didn’t stop me from fantasizing though. Especially as the hot water trickled down my skin. I closed my eyes and imagined his fingertips touching my body all over. I bit my lip as the water poured through my hair and again I imagined it was him combing his fingers through. Pulling my fingers along my skin, sending droplets of water flying in every direction I whispered his name into the empty room.

“Leon.” Digging my nails into my skin, I lightly raked them over my breasts as streams of water cascaded downward. Just imagining it almost made it feel real, I desired it that badly. It was sinful and dirty but it was my secret and mine alone. What did it matter if I pleasured myself and pretended it was him?

As my hands traversed my body the warmth of the water caressed me as if it were a lover. My head fell back as I slid my fingers between my legs and from my lips only one word spilled forth over and over. “Leon.”

************

A smirk tugged at his lips as he watched her every movement within his room. Door shut and appropriately locked if for no other reason than to avoid the antics of that goddamn fish for one evening.

“My what a naughty goldfish.” His grin widened as he watched her caress her own body, his name falling from her luscious lips. As her fingers slipped inside his eyes narrowed mischievously.

“Oh-ho? You think that could even compare to the real thing? How about....I give you a little taste.” He raised his hand and snapped his fingers before mimicking her own hands movements flawlessly like a puppet. She had no idea he could actually pull the strings.

************

I had the perfect rhythm as I continuously pushed and pulled my fingers and I felt the familiar warmth begin to gather at my core. Oh how I wished it really were him and not just me pleasuring myself. I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to curl my fingers in such a way I gasped when I realized it pushed against my sweet spot and momentarily stopped. What on Earth inspired me to do that? Up till now I had no idea I could even do that.

However I didn’t think on it too long as a newly found hunger rose within me and once more it didn’t take long till I was moaning his name. Then, almost like lightning something strange surged through my body from the tips of my fingers and toes all the way down to my core. It was so overwhelming yet felt so unimaginably good I cried out in sheer ecstasy. It continued even without me touching myself till I could no longer stand alone and leaned against the tile as the water continued to wash over me.

When the orgasm itself actually hit, it was so intense I screamed his name as tears fell from my eyes. When it finally subsided after several long moments, I collapsed to the ground, panting wildly as I tried to catch my breath. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware the steam and hot water was too much and making me woozy on top of everything else. Just as my vision wavered and began to blur, a sudden blast of cool air fell over me effectively extinguishing the encroaching dizzy spell.

When my baring's returned, it was then that I realized I was no longer in my shower. Nor was I in my apartment for that matter and as that reality hit home, I also realized I was still completely naked and dripping wet. Instinctively my eyes shot up and what they fell upon knocked the wind from me.

“L-L-Leon!” He sat in a chair beside his bed, one leg crossed lazily upon the other as he grinned at me devilishly. 

“It would seem goldfish that your little bowl was not large enough to satisfy you.” His look was purely predatory and I fell speechless, utterly horrified at my current predicament. Still smirking he slowly got to his feet and made his way toward me languidly, his eyes never once leaving mine. When he stood before me towering from above, his fingers gently brushed along my wet skin before gripping my chin firmly in his warm fingers.

“It’s not every day a fish offers itself as a meal.” O-Oh my goodness...his eyes are....so beautiful.

"I.... I....." There was no way I could form a complete sentence and then I remembered I was completely naked and tried covering myself.

"Pffft, why are you trying to hide yourself from me? Do you honestly believe I haven't already seen every inch of your naked flesh?" My cheeks suddenly burned furiously.

"Silly goldfish, how presumptuous to believe that you could hide your fantasies from me." His powerful aura swallowed the entire room and I trembled with a mix of fear and excitement as I lowered my head.

"I-I'm...sorry, I d-d-didn't mean to offend you...." I still couldn't bring myself to look at him but I heard him laugh.

"Then how will you make it up to me?" His voice, while deep and powerful sounded nothing but amused and playful.

“Errr.....I-I....what would you like for me to do?” 

“Let’s start with whatever I tell you to do.” The tips of his fingers grazed my scalp so softly goosebumps erupted down my neck and arms at the sensation. I clenched my eyes shut trying hard not to make a sound at how unbelievably good it felt. I heard him chuckle darkly before crossing the room once more and returning to his seat in the chair beside his bed.

“For starters, don’t do that.”

“D-Do what?”

“Miserably fail at trying to hide your feelings from me. I know everything about you.”

“I umm....”

“I know everything you desire or have you forgotten who it is that I am little goldfish?” Finally finding the courage I raise my head and our eyes meet making me freeze like a deer in headlights. There is an almost otherworldly glow in his fiery sensual gaze as he continues to smile in a very sinister way. It takes a moment for the words to register but when they do I feel a pit deep inside my stomach. No way, had he seen...my dreams? Oh my god! Was he watching me just moments ago when I was....

“From that expression you must have just figured out exactly who I am and what I’m capable of.”

“Oh my god....I’m.....so ashamed and so embarrassed!” I hide my face in my hands desperately praying the floor will swallow me whole. 

“Oh-ho? Which part? Fantasizing about me so much that you dream of it every night or being so naïve to believe you are even capable of fathoming just what I am capable of?” Mortified would be an understatement. I wish I would disappear.

“Pffft, disappear? Whatever for? Or have you already forgotten that you have yet to satisfy me? It must be nice to have the memory of a goldfish.” 

“Y-You read my mind?!”

“Of course not. Though it seems you need reminding that I am the Minister of Wishes. I hear your every desire, your every wish no matter how frivolous or silly.” 

“I-I’m sorry!”

“Boring.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t want your apologies.”

“I-I don’t think I understand.”

“How very unsurprising.” Embarrassed at his incessant insults I once more hid my face from him feeling a nearly unbearable burning sensation throughout my face, neck and ears. Several moments passed in silence before he finally spoke.

“Show me.”

“W-What?”

“Show me.”

“Show you what?”

“Spread your legs and touch yourself.” A deep shade of crimson had to be clearly visible due to the intense heat that radiated from my skin.

“Y-You want me to...”

“Touch yourself. It’s not as if you are incapable, especially considering your performance a short while ago.” 

“I don’t think I can....I..”

“Too embarrassed? There’s no need, this wouldn’t be the first time I’ve seen you do it.” An incredibly smug smile pulled the corner of his lips into a smirk letting me know I had never had any privacy when it came to Leon and my fantasies. 

“How many times have you wished for this to be real? Yet here you sit with the very opportunity and yet you hesitate.” I wasn’t sure what to do. Part of me wanted this more than my lungs wanted air, yet I was so afraid he would simply laugh and I don’t think I could bear it.

“If I was completely uninterested you wouldn’t be sitting naked in my room. If you want my attention however, you’re gonna have to earn it. Entertain me, show me what you are willing to do to please me and just maybe I will take mercy on you by showing you what it means to experience love from a god.” A soft gasp slid from my lips at just exactly what those words meant. H-He would.....with me? For a moment there was ringing in my ears and my heart was thrumming so loudly it would put a drum to shame. After a few deep breaths I centered myself and met his stare once more.

With new found resolve I repositioned myself to give him the best view. After an internal deep breath I slowly spread my legs apart for him to see. I was relieved to find a carnal smirk looking upon me seemingly pleased. 

“Good girl. Now, touch yourself the way you always do, pretending it’s me.” Though still nervous his command had lit a fire within me that began to blaze. There was no turning back, I had to put on a good show, I had to please him.

“Nmmm.....” I breathed as I slowly pulled my fingers along my slit all the while watching him watch me. 

“More.” He commanded shifting in his chair to get a better view. I followed his instructions and began to pleasure myself for the god of Leo who was now staring at me like a beast with its prey cornered. I was so wet despite being nervous making it very easy when he next instructed me to add a finger.

My heart leapt into my throat when he slid from his chair to the floor crawling slowly over to me staring hungrily at my pussy. My entire body trembled as his form closed in on me with such power radiating from him it was palpable. 

“L-Leon...” I whimpered his name when he hovered above me watching me with glowing eyes, a wild and hungry expression meeting mine. His form slowly lowered before he whispered in my ear.

“Does it feel good? The way you imagine me touching you?” I couldn’t even find words to respond making him chuckle darkly in response.

“Close your eyes.” He instructed in a softer voice, still deep and rich sounding and nearly a purr. I did as instructed and after enjoying the show a while he ordered me to stop causing a wave of frustration as I was starting to build towards release. 

“Spread your legs wider.” Eyes still closed and feeling exceptionally vulnerable I slowly spread them further apart wondering what he was planning on doing. Nothing was happening so I was starting to wonder if I should dare open my eyes just a little when the sensation of a warm tongue slowly lapped its way up my sex making me cry out in a mix of surprise and pure ecstasy. 

“L-Leon! Oh my....Oh my god!” His tongue explored every inch of my womanhood making me writhe and moan at his mercy. He closed his entire mouth around me swirling his tongue before sucking tightly and pulling away sharply. 

“Not bad, not bad at all for a goldfish. Now let’s see how tight you are.” Without any warning his slid a finger in my entrance before plunging it as deeply as he could. I opened my eyes to find his dangerously close to mine causing me to inhale sharply at his close proximity. 

Almost as if to tease he held eye contact before withdrawing the finger and sucking it into his mouth. His sharp feline like eyes held me captive as he smiled, continuing to lick my taste from his finger. I stared at him in wonder, his beauty and magnificence utterly hypnotizing. 

"Nmm..." I couldn't think, I couldn't speak. I had never felt anything like this before. It was as though the energy surrounding me was intoxicating me. I couldn't resist him even if I wanted to. I was under his spell and completely submissive.

"Tell me goldfish, do you know what my special ability is?" He purred as he dragged the pads of his fingers lightly up my torso setting my skin on fire. Unable to speak I merely shook my head as his smile grew wider.

"Would you like me to show you?" Lost in his fiery eyes I nodded. He leaned in and softly placed a kiss upon my lips causing my body to burn up.

"You can be as loud as you like." He snickered before claiming my lips once again. His hot tongue licked across my lips and demanded entry. When I opened my mouth against his, our tongues entwined slowly. His gently licked across mine causing a tsunami between my legs. A moment later his hand covered my sex and rubbed gently as I undulated against it, my body screaming for his touch.

His individual fingers pulled up and down my wetness making me whimper into his mouth. A finger easily slid inside followed by another. We built a steady rhythm together as his long, elegant fingers thrusted perfectly in and out of me.

"Hold on tight little goldfish, I am going to show you the power of a god." With his guidance, I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed. His mouth hungrily claimed mine once more and then it happened. The same incredible sensation flooded my body like it had in the shower only it was dialed way up this time. It surged forth from his fingers deep within me commanding every cell in my body to bend to his will.

It was electric and powerful stealing my breath away as it filled my entire body with warmth and ecstasy I could never have fathomed. I wanted to cry out, make audible the exquisite bliss this merciful god had bestowed upon me. Tears streamed from the corners of my eyes as every inch of me followed his silent instruction like a conductor guiding an orchestra. My heated blood rushed hurriedly toward my core with such vigor my body began to quake.

"I won't allow you to come until you beg." He teased holding me at the precipice of release.

"P-P-Please Lord Leon, I b-beg for your m-mercy. Allow me to.....unnnnh......let go...pleeeease!" I cried as my eyes strained to hold back the flood of tears building further.

"Well done." The orgasm washed over me with such insane intensity I felt my mind begin to short circuit. I screamed so loudly my lungs and throat burned as every muscle in my body contracted upon his command.

His lips trailed softly along my skin before burying his face in my neck as my naked and helpless form shuddered in the aftershocks of post orgasmic bliss. My eyes though blurred with tears stared blankly at the ceiling above me as my erratic breaths eventually slowed.

"Pace yourself goldfish. We have only just begun." His breath tickled the tender flesh along my ear causing me to sigh in temporary contentment.

[letdecemberburninflames]

Alternative Tactics

Peter Pan x Mermaid!Reader | Part 7

Summary: Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 8

Fic Type: Peter Pan x Mermaid!Reader Series

Warnings: Kissing, but seeing as this is Tumblr I feel like it’s kind of useless to warn you guys about that. Pan being devious, but that’s all.

Author’s Note: (As always, comment or message me to be added to the tag list.) Mumblety-peg is a game played with knives. Players take turns throwing knives at the ground, and the one who gets the knife closest to their foot wins that round. If you actually hit your foot, you win the game.

Pan wasn’t planning on letting Devin’s little comment slide. Not by a long shot. But, for the time being, he wanted to see just how far this little charade would go. After dinner, he sat by the bonfire, playing his pipes, deep in thought. He wondered if Y/N could hear them. She had gone to bed early, claiming to be tired. Well, it wasn’t really a claim. She was tired, but even so Pan was reluctant to let her go. She had basically become a mother figure for the younger lost boys, like Aravis and Caspian. He liked having her around to watch them.

He had had the lost boys build her a treehouse, and she spent a great quantity of her time there. It was far above camp and was furnished with a hammock, chair, desk, and a trunk. In the trunk, Pan had provided extra clothing and even a linen dress. There were pillows, and furs, and a woven mat on the wooden floor. When he had shown her the treehouse, she had simply thanked him without meeting his eyes. God, she was infuriating! What did she want? Why was she so hard to understand?

Later that night, after the lost boys had gone to bed, Pan decided to pay his favorite mermaid a visit. He snuck into her treehouse, stepping from the small balcony into her bedroom. There she lay, curled under the thin linen sheets, body trembling. He had hardly noticed until now, but it was fairly cold out. Normally, the nights in Neverland were comfortably warm. The kind of night that would make you want to sleep out under the stars. But not tonight. Tonight was chilly, and frost nipped the island air. A cool breeze rustled the curtains of the treehouse, and Y/N shivered in her sleep. A pang of sympathy resounded through Pan’s being, along with a sharp intake of breath. The feeling was foreign and unclean. So unfamiliar in fact, that he could hardly name it. He hadn’t felt sympathy for anyone, ever, under any circumstances. But sympathy was what had tempted him to rescue Y/N in the first place, though at the time his actions on the feeling had gone unrecognized because of his sheer curiosity. Yes, that’s all this feeling was. It was not sympathy, for he was incapable of feeling that. It was intrigue. He simply wanted to take Y/N apart like a clock. Figure out what made her tick. She was an enigma, a riddle, a puzzle to solve. His tactics thus far had proved unsuccessful, so perhaps it was time to develop a different ploy…

---

Y/N breathed deeply then exhaled, feeling her body relax as she snuggled into the source of warmth that was keeping her in that comfortable place between waking and sleep. She nuzzled deeper into the close space, vaguely aware of the morning sunlight streaming through the curtains. She once again took a deep, contented breath, enjoying the scent of pinewood and fresh dirt, fresh and clean like a forest after a rainfall.

Her smile vanished. E/C eyes snapped open, only to see a hues of blurred tan and green. In her disoriented state, she tried to move backwards from the very human shaped source of warmth, the face obscured by a pillow. An arm slithered around her back, moving upwards, stopping once the fingers were tangled in her long, H/C hair. They gently gripped her head, pressing her back to the body and what she could only assume to be a neck. The other arm slid around her waist, keeping her from moving.

She was panicking ever so slightly, but counted slowly to ten, trying to get her wits about her. A plan. She needed a plan. Presently, she realized that her left leg was tangled between two others, and this, she realized, could be used to her advantage. She shifted her body ever so slightly, and placed her hands on bare shoulders. With one swift motion, she flipped them both over so she was straddling the boy. The hand that had been tangled in her hair fell to shield cruel green eyes from the morning sunlight streaming through a window. It was only then that she realized that she was not in her treehouse.

“What the actual hell, Pan!” She yelled at the boy beneath her, resisting the urge to slap him.

“Get off.” He pushed her, sending her tumbling from the hammock to the ground.

Y/N scrambled to her feet, glaring at Pan. Their refusal to say a word to each other had flown out the window and a tirade from either, or possibly both, parties seemed imminent.

Y/N hissed, “What am I doing here?”

Pan smirked. “You’ll see.”

With a dissatisfied huff, Y/N turned on her heel and stormed out of Pan’s tent. The moment she crossed the threshold outside, she immediately regretted it. The lost boys were all up, and the second they saw her walk out of Pan’s tent in her disheveled state whispers caught up like wildfire. It got even worse when Pan followed her out, still shirtless. It took Y/N all of a half a second to figure out Pan’s game. She could see very clearly how this situation must of looked to the lost boys. The sound of firewood clattering to the forest floor, brought Y/N’s attention to the real problem at hand. Devin had just returned from gathering firewood for the breakfast campfire. Behind her, Y/N could practically feel Pan’s broad smirk. That tricky bastard.

---

“Want to tell me why you were with Pan last night?” Devin’s voice was bitter as he pushed back branches. He and Y/N had been sent to go hunting for the night’s dinner.

“I told you earlier. I wasn’t. I woke up in his tent.” Y/N’s brow furrowed as she studied the ground for tracks of the boar they were after.

Devin whipped around, anger blazing in his eyes. “Bullshit.”

Y/N stared at him, caught off guard. Devin had never acted like this. He had been put off ever since this morning, for reasons unknown to her. She had tried to explain that she had never intentionally gone to Pan, and never would, but Devin didn’t believe her. And worst of all, he just wouldn’t let it go. He kept bringing it up, as if by asking her to tell him the truth she would magically slip up and tell him that yes indeed she had been fraternizing with Pan. But no matter how many times she reassured him that she had no idea how she had ended up there, Devin never believed her.

“Tell me the truth.” Devin demanded.

“I did.” Y/N brushed her hair back from her face. “And, just so you know, I’m leaving. Tonight.”

She was fed up. With Pan, with Devin, with everyone. She wanted nothing more than to leave; to escape the trap that was Neverland. It was a game of chess, and Pan constantly had her in check, surrounded by his pawns. She hated him with a burning passion. The one sense of hope she had came from remembering. Remembering her father. Remembering that she wasn’t lost. Remembering that as long as she knew she was trapped, she still had a chance to escape.

Devin shook his head, watching her storm away. She was uncontrollable, uncontainable like the ocean itself. She had the sea in her veins, that much was evident. He was growing weary of not being able to bottle the storm. He was sick of being treated as though he was insignificant in her decision making. He wasn’t some pawn to be played with, by Y/N or Pan, for that matter. Pan. He was beginning to despise the boy king of the island. He took everything for himself, and now it seems that he had even tried to claim Y/N. Pan had done nothing to deserve his place of leadership. The others blindly followed him, just because he said they should. Devin was having none of that. What exactly made Pan better than him? Nothing. And if he could eradicate Pan, Neverland would be his.

---

Felix sat next Peter, who was clearly deep in thought. “I thought you would have killed Devin by now.” He laughed, lifting a spoonful of the rabbit stew Y/N had made to his mouth.

“He’s a coward. He’ll never pull through with his threats.” Pan said, running a sharpening strop along the blade of his knife, his bowl of food sitting uneaten. “And as for Y/N… It’s only a matter of time before she breaks.”

“Or runs away.” Felix said pointedly.

Pan shook his head. “She wouldn’t get far. The mermaids would kill her.”

“Maybe that’s what she wants.” Felix took a breath. “She hates it here. That much is obvious. Maybe she would do anything for freedom. What would you do then?”

Pan couldn’t answer. What would he do? He hadn’t even considered that. Sure, she wanted to leave. But surely she wouldn’t be suicidal enough to try and escape. There would be pandemonium if she killed herself. The lost boys had grown accustomed to having her around. The younger boys in particular, loved her. She looked after them, and in a way had become an older sister to them. Besides- he glanced at his steaming bowl of rabbit stew- she made great food.

On the other side of the campfire, Devin sat next to Y/N, and the two were getting along famously once again. Devin seemed to have finally accepted that Y/N was indeed not cheating on him and was all the better for it.

“Want more stew?” He asked as he rose to refill his own bowl.

“Sure.”

She handed over her bowl, and Devin flashed her a wink. “You’ll need your strength if you’re gonna cross realms.” He murmured.

Y/N bit her lip. There was no guarantee that she could even make it. She might give her life trying to escape. Devin returned, and silently handed her the bowl of soup. She took a spoonful and chewed thoughtfully on a piece of rabbit meat. Devin’s hand had found it’s way to her thigh, and she felt grateful for the touch of reassurance. He understood. He had accepted the fact that she needed to leave. She only wished he had agreed to come with her. He didn’t want to leave, but she acknowledged that he needed to stay in the same way that she needed to leave.

---

Y/N slipped away from the circle around the campfire early, heading to her treehouse. She took a deep breath as she looked down at the lost boys laughing and chatting happily. James, Rufio, Owen, and Felix were playing mumblety-peg while some of the younger kids like Timothy and Flynn watched with wide eyes. Y/N turned from the balcony, and grabbed her cloak from where it hung next to her desk and fastened it around her shoulders. Quietly she climbed down from the treehouse, and slipped into the woods.

She had only just gotten out of earshot of the camp when she heard a twig snap. She whipped around, only to see Devin stepping from behind a tree. “Don’t do that!” She hissed.

“Sorry sweetheart.” Devin grinned, “You thought you were jus’ gonna leave without saying goodbye?”  He wrapped his arms around her waist, smirking.

“I-” She was cut off by Devin’s lips brushing hers. It was not an innocent kiss by any measurement, but their kisses had never been that way. It was intense, hungry, and the breath was knocked from her lungs. She hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of her lips and, at her grant of access, delved inside her mouth. Y/N could nearly feel the lust as it rolled onto her tongue and seeped down her throat with every push of his tongue against hers, spreading through her body.

Devin pulled back, panting ever so slightly. “Good luck.” He said, his smirk still painted on, a mischievous evil glinting in his eyes. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye…” Murmured the girl as she turned and fled into the woods.

Y/N hurried through the underbrush, barefoot. She had left her boots behind because the extra weight would only slow her down and she wouldn’t need them once she reached the ocean anyway. She ran down the beaten trail leading to the beach, her path lit only by slivers of moonlight slipping through the canopy of leaves overhead. Abruptly, a sharp pain twisted through Y/N’s stomach and she clenched her teeth in a desperate attempt to keep from crying out. She stumbled to the ground, pain surging through her body. She writhed and twisted in pain, near tetraplegic. The scent of earth helped ground her, and she grasped tightly to the roots of a tree, her fingernails digging into the bark. Up ahead, she could see the moonlit water. She dragged herself to her feet with what felt like magma pulsing through her veins. She stumbled across the beach, then waded into the water, sighing in relief as her legs melded into a glistening sapphire tail. The pain was searing, but bearable for now. The relief was short lived, however. 

After swimming for awhile, the pain returned, worse than before. Y/N’s body convulsed. She feared that the splashing would alert the mermaids to her presence. She writhed, twisting in the ocean, trying to overcome the nigh unbearable agony. Saltwater washed into her mouth, and she accidentally inhaled the liquid. Coughing and spluttering, she tried to keep fighting despite the nausea that was washing over her in waves. She was rapidly losing strength consciousness, and she was fighting to stay awake. Her body was fatigued, and wracked with pain beyond measure. Y/N fought the disabling surges of twisting pain, her teeth gritted and head swimming. Her muscles spasmed, and with no warning, Neverland faded to black as she slipped from consciousness.

Tag List: @masters-madness @truestbeliever28 @dreamsandtropics@gunnergirl117@sarcastichater @myfandomismyreality @sneakered-salamanders  @fulltimeoncer @nyckiss 

[heartslogos]

newfragile yellows [77]

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Bull says as he climbs up the path towards the main gate. Lavellan is lying there as if she hadn’t moved a day since they left months - almost a year ago. Hell, she looks as if they’ve gone back in time to the first day that Bull ever set foot on Skyhold grounds.

Same sun chair, same t-shirt, same floppy hat.

“Why?” Lavellan asks, hands folded on her stomach as she lazily slumps further down in the plastic, “What a silly and utterly frivolous thing to be, sorry he says. As if you murdered the cranky old man. I did tell you he had - what, a million health problems that weren’t old age, right? I do remember telling you that.”

“It’s a thing people say when someone they know loses someone important,” Bull says, finishing his ascent and standing over her, careful not to block her light.

The Inquisition was facing high charges of treason and plotting against the Orlesian state - and all of their operatives had to be recalled back to base and neutral territory until the entire thing sorted itself out.

Thankfully, must of the threats that the Inquisition was working on abroad had been managed or been whittled down small enough that they could be handed off to locals.

Skyhold, Bull had told Evelyn when she was asking him how he would handle his own situation at the gloomy and eerie castle, didn’t need the Inquisition before, and it still didn’t need them then.

Solas’ death was not widely broadcasted - Lavellan barely made contact with them. Given the shitty internet and telephone service, and the fact that Skyhold’s landline was connected to a single phone in the main room that sometimes wouldn’t ring, or have a dial tone, it could hardly be held against her. Bull found out about it about two weeks ago when the Inquisition was getting ready to send agents back onto their old projects.

His death made local papers - not just int he obituaries, but also in a single article that featured a picture of Skyhold in grainy black and white, juxtaposed next to Lavellan in black lace standing    holding a cremation urn.

“Weird,” Lavellan muses, flicking up her sunglasses and grinning, “Welcome back. Did you need me to escort you in?”

“Why, is Skyhold pissy today?” Bull asks.

This, in all its eccentricity, has grown familiar.

The idea of a living castle, a living land, a living place is - in Bull’s mind - now acceptable. Reasonable. Right.

“Oh no,” Lavellan drops her glasses back onto her nose, “Skyhold’s being mischievous today. It likes me better than Solas, you know. Thinks I’m just dandy.”

“I like you better than Solas, too,” Bull points out and Lavellan snorts, wiggling her bare toes before digging them into the dirt.

The portcullis rattles.

Bull doesn’t even bother to look. “My guys are behind me by a few days. I took an earlier flight.”

“Cool,” Lavellan says, waving him in, “By the way, you looked spiffy in your formal dress.”

Bull raises his eyebrows, “Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Lavellan nods, “I like you better not wearing them, though.”

Bull grins, broad and wide. “Yeah?”

A pebble lightly smacks the back of his head. Lavellan sticks her tongue out.

“Yeah, I guess you have a nice body, whatever - but what I meant was that I like you better here, where you aren’t wearing formal dress and are just wearing garbage shirts with stupid phrases that don’t make sense.” Lavellan mumbles to herself, “Wow, I can’t believe I missed you so much. Solas was right I am crazy.”

“Crazy in love,” Bull calls out as he passes under the sturdy iron. A vine snaps at his ass and he jogs deeper into the castle to the sound of Lavellan laughing.

-

“I don’t understand what’s happening,” Lavellan says, eyes bright in contrast to the dark  pre-dawn scenery of the castle, “But I am very displeased with what I think this might do to my hedges. I’ve been slowly coaxing them into some semblance of order for months, now. And now this has gotten them all agitated again.”

Bull has sincere doubts about that considering that the grounds of Skyhold look like, at best, an overgrown amusement park, and at worst a natural disaster zone.

“Alright, I’m sorry that you’re displeased,” Bull says, “But this is what the Inquisition is here for. Could you please tell me how the hell I get a signal out?”

“What for?” Lavellan’s eyebrows shoot up, “And have more of you and your lot traipsing about Skyhold’s grounds? Goodness, there’s a very sick old man living here - think what all this excitement will do to him.”

“I can hear you,” Solas calls out from the third floor.

“Look at that, you’ve got him raving mad!” Lavellan says, “Listen, listen. Listen.”

Lavellan reaches out and pats his arm, looking gently mystified by the point of contact before shaking her head.

“I’m listening,” Bull says.

“Oh, good,” Lavellan nods, “Well, look. It’s quite polite of your Inquisition to go about defending people and such, but Skyhold doesn’t need it. You’re welcome to stay, of course - for now, at least - but frankly Skyhold has its own way of handling things like unwanted snoopy neighbors. Dorian, please stop trying to set up your - whatever it is.”

“It’s called a thermal sensor, Lavellan,” Dorian says from a few yards behind the Iron Bull.

“It’s garbage,” Lavellan says, “And it’s ruining my landscape. Look. All of you - just. Go inside, tuck into bed. I’ve got this. It’s my job. I’m the home care person in charge of Solas and that means not letting him get agitated by trespassers so much he throws his back shaking a fist at them. I’ll take care of it.”

“Lavellan,” Bull says, “I’m not saying you aren’t incapable. You’re very strong to be able to take care of Skyhold and Solas and manage everything you do here on your own. I don’t think anyone here can say otherwise. But this is different, this is - “

“Is that a human femur?”

“Oh, you’ve found one? Good, I’ll need one, under the hyndrageas? Is that where? Could’ve sworn it was under the rhododendron.”

Lavellan skips around him as Bull turns to look at where Harding is pointing.

Lavellan pulls out an immaculate looking bone from beneath a large, leafy protrusion of hydrangeas.

It does, indeed, look like a human femur.

She looks at them all, a little defensive, “What? This person wasn’t using it anymore, obviously.”

She whacks it against her palm.

“It’s a castle,” Dorian says slowly, “It’s not too unheard of for castles to be battleground sites. Plenty of bones have been found around castles.”

“In shallow dirt?” Harding replies, skeptical as Lavellan stoops down and starts digging, femur tucked under her arm.

Bull stares hard at the side of Lavellan’s face.

“Don’t disrupt my arrangements,” Solas calls out.

“I know, I know,” Lavellan yells back, “Go to sleep! You know you get so cranky if you don’t get a full eight hours!”

“What do you plan on doing with that?” Bull asks. He already knows that not only will he get an answer he doesn’t understand, but it will also be one he doesn’t want to.

Whatever Lavellan is going to say is interrupted by a muffled scream.

Bull is moving before it even ends, and he’s at the other end of Skyhold’s western wall, when he sees Grim and Rocky gesturing at a section of ivy-coated stone.

There’s a skull and a spine hanging among the thick foilage.

“Aha,” Lavellan says, at Bull’s elbow. Bull jerks and glances down, he didn’t realize she had followed. “Clever, clever.”

Bull narrows his eye at her.

“I figure I have at least an hour before whatever it is you lot are so worried about comes charge in in earnest,” Lavellan begins -

“How do you know it’s an hour?” Harding asks, catching up to them. Lavellan ignores her in favor of holding up a pelvic bone in one hand and eyeballing it against the spine on the wall.

“ - So why don’t you all go inside and start up some breakfast? I’ll be in as soon as I find some legs and arms for this guy. And I guess some collar bones to hold up the arms.”

[masshirohebi-moved]

@super-kame-love / cont. Summer  He hadn’t noticed her, either due to the heat causing his own mind to be less vigilant, or simply because her energy had somehow molded in to a tolerated presence. To the point where even instinct accepted her as part of the scenery, as harmless as the winds movements. Not that there was any wind to compare it all too on this day. Most certainly not. In fact, it would appear as if any hope of cooling down had fled the earth, waves of heat rising off the surface, descending from the blazing sun. If it was one thing the Sannin had always liked, it was water. If not for how cold the substance usually was, he might enjoy it a lot more, perhaps even frequent such things more often. Despite what some may think, he had never learnt how to properly swim, the need having never arisen. He learnt to walk atop the rippling gleam before he had ever learnt to be in its depths. That wasn’t too say he stayed clear of the blue body, quite the contrary, it became something he could taunt and be taunted by, something he was amused with as it promised both beauty and danger. It was almost as if he had become fond of the element that he was yet to completely conquer. In the smallest ways of being human, learning to survive its the depths was a form of winning was it not? Suppose walking on top could do for the most part, besides, he had ways of surfacing if he dropped in to the water. Summons, transforming, using chakra to project him in the direction he needed. The only time he would ever regret not learning would be if he desired to swim for pleasure, and for the most part, wading was good enough. Since his parents died before they could teach him many of life’s needed skills, this simply fell as one of them. Maybe when he had immortality he would look in to learning, but then, he felt slightly childish for bringing it up with others. They all seemed to catch on, and many had been orphans too- orphans who hadn’t fled the water without adult guidance. One was never too late to learn, but one could be too old to be granted pardon on being incapable. Maybe his pride was the true enemy and not others judgement. What ever the reason, he remained with the top half of his attire shed, simply taking in the rays of sun as a snake may. Since he could not tell if the lake before him had shallow enough ground, he chose to remain near its edge, simply cooling off by the removal of fabrics. Training in this heat hadn’t been a smart idea either, the short lived attempt having been the cause for shedding his shirt- a black polo neck was hardly suitable summer attire. Finally his attention was drawn to her, but only since instinct had him scanning the environment. She looked something between flustered and stiff, simply watching, not a sound- that was unusual- Aina not making a noise? She wasn’t the quietest of people, not loud by any means, but sound was usually constant.  In all fairness, maybe that was simply in the eyes of the serpent, who tended to avoid talking where he could. Oblivious to her reasoning for silence, the Sannins head tipped to the side inquisitively, almost questioning her with his gaze before words came.

“I didn’t hear you approach,” Orochimaru admitted, scanning her for a moment, “you must be awfully hot in your own attire. I’m not one to mind the heat, but it’s surpassed a simple summers day. You could have a heat stroke if you’re not cautious, people don’t tend to notice when heat waves cause considerable rise in temperature, and the impacts are more severe than we give credit.” Instantly one to inform the other of such information, Aina likely knew these things already. For someone who was accused of being useless, she had a lot of skills in survival and comfortable living. She was a very practical person, and the Sannin knew he ought to give her more credit in such regards.   Long strands of inky black hair moved in time with him, coming to settle down his slender form with the same silken movement as the water. He did desire to get closer, but stepping atop it was not the same as wading, and he hardly felt like causing a scene trying to get out dare it be too deep.  It spurred the question rather suddenly, the Sannin still blissfully unaware why she was staring at his form, the suns rays reflecting somewhat brightly off his porcelain skin. “Tell me, can you swim?”

[diatriose]

Everything Wrong with "This Is Why People With Anxiety Are The Best People To Fall In Love With"

I submitted this to ThoughtCatalog but they declined to post it (so I’m posting it here).

I recently read a piece on ThoughtCatalog titled "This Is Why People With Anxiety Are The Best People To Fall In Love With". Many people, myself included, took issue with this piece. Rather than merely yell at the author on twitter, I broke it down. Unlike the author, I would like to preface this by saying my experiences are not universal, and my responses are based on personal experiences and those of my loved ones. So, if what I wrote isn’t you, that’s cool. Here we go (lines from the piece are italicized, my responses are not):

People with anxiety aren’t perfect, but nobody is.

Not a bad start

When you love someone who has anxiety, you’re loving someone who is in tune with their every emotion. Someone who feels everything with their being and doesn’t apologize for it.

Now we’re off to a bad start. Someone who has anxiety isn’t necessarily “in tune with every emotion”, they’re usually just in tune with their anxiety. So fear, depression, stress, etc. Less in tune with joy. And “doesn’t apologize for it”? That has never remotely been the case with me or anyone I know who suffers from anxiety. In my experience, it’s near constant apologizing.

When you love someone who has anxiety you are loving someone who is sensitive and empathetic. And they are going to be sensitive with not only their own heart, but with your heart too.

Sensitive the way immune compromised people are sensitive to viruses? I guess that checks out. Although, I don’t know that that’s a positive.

They are going to be the type of person who senses your tension after a long day of work. They are going to sense your anger, just from your footsteps in the room. They are going to see your body language and hear the way you’re talking and immediately know if something is wrong.

Well, as for sensing tension, having anxiety is good for sensing tension the way Mariah Carey senses an opportunity to be in the spotlight. It’s there even if it isn’t there, you know what I mean? It’s not sensing *genuine* anger in footsteps, it’s being so riddled with anxiety that they’re just scared what those footsteps could mean. Anxiety messes with your perception. That’s why it’s called a mental illness. Anxiety doesn’t give you a special power to be in tune with someone else’s emotions, it just makes you hyper-concerned that something is wrong all the time.

People with anxiety are sensitive and old souls. They have so much heart. And they are going to pour all of their energy into this relationship.

Sensitive? I guess. Old souls? You mean because having anxiety ages us? Personally, I once lost 30+ lbs. in 2 months because my anxiety was so bad. Is that what this means? I’m not sure what having “so much heart” means. Genuinely. Do you mean that the amount of stress makes our hearts swell? From adrenaline? Also pouring all of one’s energy into a relationship isn’t actually a positive. That’s unbalanced.

They aren’t ever going to take you for granted because they know that they sometimes can be a handful. They aren’t ever going to shut you out, it’s not in their nature to tune out somebody they love and they will always be honest with you.

“They know that sometimes they can be a handful”. That is EXACTLY [not] how my ex would describe me during dissociative episodes. And as for not taking a partner for granted…anxiety doesn’t make a person magically incapable of being an asshole. You know that right? As for always being honest with you…and I can only speak from personal experience and the experiences of people in my life but this is the opposite of true. When you’re so anxious about your partner leaving you, do you open or close up? Think it through

When you love someone with anxiety, you’re loving someone who believes in you with their whole heart and who loves you with their whole soul.

Again, there’s this theme of how being a person with anxiety makes you a super partner. It’s just not true.

They know that they have baggage. They know that they have issues and that their mental health can sometimes bring you and your relationship down but, they trust you won’t leave.

No, Jesus, again, no. What? No. They trust you won’t leave? That’s not how this works!

When you love someone with anxiety, you’re loving someone who is never going to walk out, as long as you treat them with respect. You are loving someone who will give you their whole heart if you let them in, like they let you in.

Never walk out?? That is definitely the opposite of true. You’ve never known someone who feels so stressed in a relationship that they ghost? Also saying that they’ll stay conditional on their partner’s behavior makes it sound like if you had a partner who suffered from anxiety leave you it’s because you didn’t respect them enough. Dick move.

You are loving someone who will nurture you when you are hurting, because they know exactly what that feels like.

Based on what?! Where are you getting this from?

You are loving someone who will hold you when your stress gets the best of you, because they know exactly what that feels like.

Or they’ll be to consumed by their own stress and anxiety to notice? Or the partner of the anxiety-sufferer will do their best to hide their problems so they don’t exacerbate their partner’s issues?

You are loving someone who will kiss your demons away, because they have spent their whole lives fighting their own ones.

You can’t “kiss demons away”. You can’t “kiss away” gender dysphoria or food insecurity. If you think you can, your experiences are desperately non-universal.

You are loving someone who will never judge you for your mental health or your triggers, because they have lived with that their whole lives.

Just because a person has an issue doesn’t make them universally accepting of everyone else’s. Anxiety sufferers are still human.

You are loving someone who will never laugh at your struggles or tell you that you are overreacting, because they have been laughed at countless times.

Again, being a person with anxiety does not make you Batman. What are you thinking?

You are loving someone who will never take you for granted, because they know how rare it is to find love.

We already talked about the taking for granted thing. Having anxiety doesn’t turn you into Rick Astley.

And when you love someone who has anxiety, you are loving a wonderful human being. Of course, anxiety doesn’t define who they are and it shouldn’t define your relationship. But, just know, that they aren’t broken people. In fact, anxiety is the reason why they are so damn strong and you’d be lucky to meet someone like them. 

“And when you love someone who has anxiety, you are loving a wonderful human being.” Or not. Because everyone is different. Doing this whole, “your disability makes you strong” bit is reductive and insulting.

Here’s an actual, medical article about anxiety and its effects. It’s not romantic, it’s awful. If you love someone with anxiety, just try to be good to them. Like you should anyway.

[wand3r3r]

Pure Comedy - An Essay by Father John Misty (aka Josh Tillman)

“What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done,
and there is nothing new under the sun.



Is there a thing of which it is said,
‘See, this is new?’
It has been already
in the ages before us.



There is no remembrance of former things,
nor will there be any remembrance
of later things yet to be
among those who come after.”
- Ecclesiastes



Pure Comedy is the story of a species born with a half-formed brain. The species’ only hope for survival, finding itself on a cruel, unpredictable rock surrounded by other species who seem far more adept at this whole thing (and to whom they are delicious), is the reliance on other, slightly older, half-formed brains. This reliance takes on a few different names as their story unfolds, like “love,” “culture,” “family,” etc. Over time, and as their brains prove to be remarkably good at inventing meaning where there is none, the species becomes the purveyor of increasingly bizarre and sophisticated ironies. These ironies are designed to help cope with the species’ loathsome vulnerability and to try and reconcile how disproportionate their imagination is to the monotony of their existence.



Now all of a sudden they expect light in the dark, warmth in the cold, and to make something out of nothing. Cooperation among the species to achieve these goals eventually yields a worldview wherein some among the species believe that there are individuals for whom this type of work is maybe ill-suited. The contribution of the ill-suited is of a more abstract, inspirational nature. The ill-suited begin to make subtle distinctions among themselves that extend beyond “eaten by a bear/not eaten by a bear”. These distinctions involve do-it-ness, cool-face-and-body-ness, craftiness, etc. – an arrangement emerges where these traits can be traded in for better-than-ness. This better-than-ness really starts to run rampant, and the species begins to wonder if there isn’t a Sky-Man in the sky who is perhaps the source of all better-than-ness. It seems like a pretty good explanation for why the species is so important.



Sky-Man pretty much runs the show for a really, really long time, and his inner-circle of better-thans gets increasingly smaller and smaller, even though by the end of his reign everyone in the species considers themselves one. Unfortunately there are some better-thans who get together and decide that one way of better-than-ness is better than other betters-thans’ better-than-ness and teach their little half-formed-brain babies as much (most who interpret this distinction as “me’s” vs. “not-me’s”). “Not-me’s” eventually come to encapsulate everyone that is not a single “me” at any given time, and this paves the way for incredibly distasteful behavior until the species arrives at a place of such alienation and fear there is really nothing so horrible that one of them wouldn’t do to the other. To deal with this less than ideal state of affairs, which seems suspiciously incompatible with how progressive and evolved they are by this point, they set about to entertain themselves into an oblivion with politics, sex, finance, philosophy, and other games of war. This they do until they are so numb, and the idea of any “not-me” so untenable, that they are blissfully incapable of noticing they’re all dead. This happens more or less on an infinite loop until the end of time.



Something like that.



Imagine if you will, as the album starts, that you’re way out in space looking at the earth and, though it’s impossible to “fall” through space, you start a free fall anyway in the direction of the bright blue marble. For the next 75 minutes you plummet toward the earth, losing more and more perspective on what an abstract and impermanent place our planet is, how predictably we step on the same rakes, slip on the same banana peels over and over again through the ages, quickly becoming more and more immersed in the very messy business of being a human – the dubious privilege of being here, the elusiveness of meaning, true love and its habitual absence, random euphoria and the inexplicable misery of others, truth and its more alluring counterfeits, the sophistication of answers that don’t make any sense, the barbarism of our appetites, lucky breaks and injustice, faith and ignorance, crippling, mind-numbing boredom, and the terror of it all ending too soon. Before you know it, you’ve delicately crash-landed and find yourself lying on your back looking up at the stars. If you’re lucky, with someone you love; even if just for a day, a year, a lifetime. Though just an hour has passed you have no recollection of what the earth looked like from the far-flung reaches of space, nor how simple it all seemed a matter of minutes ago.



I know everyone doesn’t feel the same about what’s going on right now. What for some is clearly garden-variety violent white nationalism serving as a catch-all for any number of paranoia-induced anti-fantasies foisted upon the poor and uneducated precisely by the ideologues bent on manufacturing voters who can be manipulated into voting against their own interests by making good and sure they remain poor and uneducated before cravenly blaming their problems largely on people bearing distinctions like race, gender, and sexuality so people forget everything that’s good about the American experiment, is to others an opportunity to wrench the country back from the influence of hypocritical corporate tyrants bent on enslaving our minds with spineless liberal rhetoric in order to justify wiping out the jobs of decent people so they can fulfill their fey utopian dream of an impossible global community designed to profit only its architects (probably Banking Consortiums, pedophile rings, and definitely The Illuminati).


This album does not espouse either of those views.



Both of those views take for granted a certain degree of sophistication, or at least a knack for cooperation, that I’m absolutely convinced humans do not possess; not to mention some kind of innate logic to the proceedings here on Earth – which make a much better case for being some kind of demented joke than anything else.



The terrifying reality concerning the dilemma above is everything is chaos and no one is really in control of anyone or anything.



But what about the well-documented history of humans making life a living hell for other humans since time began?



There is no intellectual, political, or spiritual explanation that will ever satisfy anyone for longer than a moment, least of all this, the only explanation with any dignity. The explanation that appeases both our instincts for compassion and liberation. The explanation that we can either accept and move forward together or keep screaming to our respective heavens, “Why, God, why?”



Things are the way they are because this is how we, the human race, want them.



This is how we want it.



Hold the motherfucking phone. Josh Tillman, you have said and done some stupid fucking things since we’ve known you, but this is too much.



Now the liberals and the conservatives are both outraged because that is a sentiment that is so profoundly insensitive to the ways in which the other side is clearly wrong in objective ways regarding basic decency, but what’s the alternative? We’re either all complicit in this purest comedy, or the people who aren’t to blame are at war with the people who are to blame until everyone is dead. Simple as that.



Is progress possible? What does it look like? The conversion of everyone to our respective beliefs? Well, we’ve seen how that typically goes. The destruction of everyone who fails to conform? That’s not it. The erection of institutions with the power and infrastructure to enforce a rule of law with the good of as many as possible at heart? Not much evidence for that panning out.



What I recommend is this: we return to the Vedic cycle and submit ourselves to the likelihood that many of us will end up getting eaten by bears. It’s only natural. What if instead of imbuing our expectations for the quality of our lives to include perpetual happiness, dream fulfillment, excessive painlessness, existential certitude, material wealth, and all variety of romantic stimulation, we were just grateful for every day that didn’t involve getting eaten by a bear? What if progress only meant literally progressing from one day to the next without getting violently dismembered by a 9-foot tall, 500-pound grizzly?



The irony here of course is that many more humans than we’d like to think, most of whom are not reading the interminable liner notes to a folk rock album, do live in daily, perpetual fear of getting killed by a mammal far more terrifying than a bear, and I think you know the one to which I refer. This form of mammal attack is made all the more nightmarish by virtue of the fact that the mammal in question kills purely ideologically. Bears kill because they’re hungry; they’re very reasonable in that way. So maybe we should submit ourselves to their authority. Bears we can trust.



Bottom line is that as long as we expect to live in such a way – immune to the natural laws of this godless rock that govern everything else here – human existence will continue to be a cruel joke. I fear, however, that it is too late for us to go back into the natural order. We have no desire to return to our primal scene. We like the way things are. We’ve got sandwiches when we’re hungry! Airplanes for when we want to go somewhere! Social media when we want our voices to be heard by all God’s creation! We know that these magical conveniences come at a staggering price, and that excess for the few is based on the scarcity of the many, but that’s why we invented the business of globalization! We’ve already built the wall! It’s a great, great wall that goes up to the heavens and is as transparent as museum glass. It’s a beautiful wall that winds surgically through nations, cities, neighborhoods, and sometimes even homes. It is a globe within a globe, and those who live within its interior are as clueless as to what’s happening on the other side as we are to what’s happening right now on the far side of Mars.


There’s only one creature that can penetrate that wall, friends, and it is bears. Bears can smash through that glass like a pitcher of sugar water through a brick wall. The equalizing revolution of bear justice is coming too. Sooner than you think. As it gets hotter and hotter, they’re coming. They’re coming into our neighborhoods, they’re coming into our schools, into our churches, into our banks, into our places of business, into our governments, into our beds.



The joke is that the best we can do is keep on keeping on, which we’ve proven ourselves pathologically adept at. We’re going to save the planet alright, and it will be a glorious sacrifice just like the Sky-Man we invented showed us how.

Bears, man.

[jijijisun]

i just feel empty right now

listening to “imagine” by ariana grande. i remember feeling that kind of love, at some point. 

like, i loved jon. i loved isaiah.

but then jon turned out to be a psychopath/someone i didn’t even really know, somebody entirely different from the person in my head. and isaiah let me down so many times, and got my hopes up so many times, always to let me down again. i think i loved tommy, but that honestly feels lightyears away, and i feel like i don’t even know the girl i was in high school. i feel like every single cell of my body 7 years ago has been replaced with someone entirely new.

and joel i didn’t even love, don’t even know how much i liked beyond as a friend, but i definitely felt something. i think that something was, at least partially, the hope that somebody could genuinely like me and respect me. lol.

joel is a good guy. i guess they are all decent people. i’m always disappointed in them for not living up to my expectations but for joel, i think he wants to be my friend but doesn’t really know how. but i appreciate him at least wanting to. and i appreciate most of all that he never hurt me, at least not in the way anyone else did. but maybe that’s because i never gave him the power to (and maybe that speaks more to how i’ve grown than to him at all). but even then, it’s like my standards were on the floor. “at least he didn’t disrespect me”. sheesh.

it makes me sad that i feel like i don’t have a pure love i can look back on and just think, yes, that was a beautiful thing. maybe one day, when i have the strength to forgive everyone, i will see all of these relationships for the true, pure love i felt. but it’s sad to look back on jon, specifically, and think about how much i loved him and how much i don’t even know him now. maybe never knew him. i sent him a text a few weeks ago just saying, “hey, i don’t think we can ever be friends and won’t try to be, but i wanted to say i appreciate you and really hope you’re doing well” - it was after the beyonce movie. i told him it reminded me of him and i appreciated all the things he taught me. of course he didn’t respond, maybe he blocked me, idk. (i just know i hate having bad blood with people). 

but it made me a little sad to think about how much i put into that relationship, and how much i lost. even though i feel, again, lightyears away from that time of my life and the person i was then.

isaiah...oh, baby. you are working with a very broken girl right now. i’m trying my best to just hold it all together. i think about the patterns in my life. how every boy i’ve ever dated (except tommy, but let’s ignore high school for now) has followed this pattern of worshipping the ground i walk on for like 2 months and then flips a switch where they suddenly realize i am an imperfect, emotional, needy bitch who is not as cool and fun and sexy and hot as i initially seemed. and at that point, when they’ve already won me over with how nice/sweet they’ve been while they they were trying to impress me, they pull away and i’m left desperately wondering what i did wrong. 

i’m not perfect and i definitely am needy, annoying, and often stupid. but i don’t think it was wrong for me to hope that a boy would look at me and love me for my heart and mind and not just my pussy or my face. i feel almost taken advantage of by all these boys who had mad crushes on me and then lost interest when they realized i didn’t compare to the girl in their head, the girl on the pedestal. i don’t know what they were expecting. i don’t think they were thinking about how it would make me feel. i don’t know if they were thinking at all. 

people always say a man will change for the right woman. isaiah even says that now about me but i completely disagree. if that was true then he would’ve changed a long time ago. i think it’s just about timing. about a man deciding, yeah, i’m ready. i’m ready to care about someone other than myself in a serious, emotional way. but i always felt like it was because i wasn’t enough, i wasn’t the right woman, maybe they’d change for someone else but not me. and that’s a shitty feeling to feel. 

and i just think that’s fucked up and wrong. i spent so much time wondering why i wasn’t enough for jon or isaiah only to realize that their selfishness had nothing to do with me. jon will probably wake up one day and be like “shit, it’s time for a wife” and end up with the girl closest who checks the boxes. 

maybe i say that somewhat spitefully, but truly, i hope not. i hope we all find beautiful, glorious love. i hope there is such a thing as “the one,” and that “when you know, you know.” i hope that i meet someone who changes the way i see the world, changes everything, and loves me in a way i’ve never even dared to imagine. maybe it’s someone i already know, or maybe it’s not. 

but i’m starting to think that that’s not how life is going to work. i don’t really know if i believe in “the one”, or in true love at all. i think we just love and latch on to the people who are closest when we feel like we want to need somebody. maybe jon and isaiah were right, it’s all just people acting in their own self interest. maybe there is no such thing as love except for God, because humans are incapable of selflessness. maybe. 

maybe i’m being a stupid, emotional bitch even right now and none of these thoughts matter at all. 

i guess i appreciate joel for helping me realize, finally, that a boy scorning me in the name of selfishness is really just that - selfishness. “not wanting to be in a relationship” was true before they met me, and maybe they thought for a second i would be “the one to change their minds”, but then i’m always not. of course not. how could i change your mind? you hardly know me. knew me. 

i don’t know. all i know is - i need to internalize the fact that joel/isaiah/jon is choosing/chose to be selfish and it has nothing to do with me not being pretty, sexy, fun, cool, smart, sweet, kind or special enough. even if i was i don’t know if that would do it. maybe i am all of those things and it doesn’t matter. maybe i have to realize that just because isaiah didn’t know i was the “one” two years ago doesn’t mean that i’m not now - because if it’s all about timing, and not a predestined romance that he and i were ordained to follow, then i should allow for him and his perception of me to change. maybe there is no such thing as soulmates. maybe there is no such thing as meeting someone and just “knowing”, and having them “change everything” or turn your world upside down like in the movies. maybe it’s all just about learning and growing and changing and coming to a point in your life where you have to first even be willing to change. 

maybe.

but right now, i don’t know anything. i’m confused, and lost, and i’m just trying to get through the day. people will always disappoint you. just accept this. 

[loveisaviolence2]

‘ i don’t want you to be what other people think that you are. ‘ tbh ozeras but also spencer @ tasha

   meme    /    accepting. 

it hurts. not like a slap or bullet; it’s nothing that fast or even that loud. it’s more like a burn– there’s the initial shock and sting of it, and then there’s the echo. the heat, the discomfort, the rawness. there’s no retreating from it, no faucet to hold the wound under until it cools; tasha has no real defenses to guard her from the people she cares for, none at all. 

it has always been this way. 

                   (i don’t want you to be what you are, she hears after.                            her imagination can be so very cruel.                       people have been telling her that her entire life.                  this particular version of it is by far the most painful.)  

the hurt is there in her eyes when she turns toward the source of the rapidly spreading burning sensation in her chest in pure surprise and then looks away. it pulls at her lips before she wrestles it back and the conflict turns them into a single stubborn, shaky line.   “i hear you, and i appreciate what you’re saying,”  tasha says sincerely, and very, very carefully, lest her voice betray her. she does. she’s listening. her next words are quiet. calm.  “but if i was who people think i am, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”  

i’m not that monster. monsters don’t deliberate. monsters don’t love.  (oh, but they do. even the monster people accuse her of being loves. even she, responsible for all of the death and destruction she’s responsible for, loves. there is no narrative, of her own making or of someone else’s, where she is without it.) 

  there’s nothing snide. nothing angry or proud or arrogant. there are no edges. in fact, it’s been sawed down so much that it’s eerily smooth from start to finish– a flat plane, a level surface. every single possible implication behind those words saws her down another inch. 

tasha lacks bravado. she doesn’t gloat. there is no bluster to speak of. there is only a quiet, hollow understanding of her own aptitude, and one she never truly profits from. there is only knowing that if she were the monster they have been shrinking away from since she was nineteen years old– if she were as callous as they claimed she was, if she lacked a conscience– things would be very different. if she were a monster incapable of love or remorse, they would not be standing here talking about restraint or anything else. there would be no discussion. there would be no consideration. there would not be a here at all. 

if she were that person, if she were even as similar to the enemy as she thinks that statement suggests, she would not have sought to change the royals. she would have sought to extinguish them. she would have stopped tatiana the very moment she took the life of someone she loved into her hands and threatened to end it. she would never have allowed herself or anyone she cared for to be threatened by their government again. (and there is a very small part of tasha who would not have minded, who believes that might not have been a mistake.)

                       if she were that person, she would have stopped her brother. she would have seen it coming and stopped him, whatever it cost either of them. she would have saved vinh and sara anddolan and jonas and ira and the two humans lucas and moira used to turn. she would have saved christian. maybe she would have even saved herself. (and tasha has always known not doing so was a failure.)

      (realistically, if she were that person, that very exact person people have been condemning for a decade, she would have joined her brother like they spent years claiming she wanted to whilst acting as if she already had. and here’s the thing– whatever excuse she comes up for lucas, whatever justification or explanation… if lucas was afraid, she has been moreso. if lucas was angry, she has been angrier. her relationship with desperation is far more intimate. devastation is not a guest in her house, but an occupant. to mourn is to breathe. and tasha still knew when to stop. and tasha still knew when to leave. in her family, monstrosity is a choice, not a misstep. it’s a series of conscious decisions. and tasha did not make them and would not make them, even when they would have saved her life.) 

but she is not that person. she’s a killer and a liar and a traitor, but she is not any version of that person. she is not who people think she is. she will never be who people think she is.  

(she’s not who her loved ones want her to be, though, so how much does that matter? what she would give to be that person. she’s still trying to now. she just happens to be failing.) 

            as much as tasha does fear that there’s something inside of her so dark it can’t be reached by light, her most prominent fears are altogether different. what wakes her up at night is the fear that tatiana– not the people who have spent the last ten years scapegoating her, but tatiana– is right. that she is who tatiana swore she was. that she’s weak, incapable, ineffective, lacking value and purpose and worth. that no matter how loudly she raises her voice or how relentlessly she insists her body turn from ivory to steel or how many times she dies, she is always the girl that runs when vinh says run because she has no other choice– that this is always the song because she is incapable of playing a better one, that this is always the story because she is incapable of carving out a brighter one. 

(the irony of that statement? the only weapons she has left are her teeth.)

[vickiet05173-blog]

Fiction E-books.

Below is the automobile spawner for GTA San Andreas (which has actually been posted before), but this time around includes a listing from all the cars and trucks found in order that you won't plunge GTA using a number that does not have actually a vehicle designated to it. I yearn for the cars and truck to transform it is actually Linear Rate X and also Y whenever you guide, to become removaling more-so in the path that you're now dealing with. Actually, you still lose out on split-folding back backsides or even satnav till you update to Sporting activity slick, which also features 17in blend steering wheels, automotive car parking as well as hot backsides. The E-Class is a manufacturing auto that acquired its own driver's certificate in Nevada as an independent auto with a few program tweaks. MirrorLink seems much like the title indicates: that represents your phone show along with accessibility to supported apps merely, like CarPlay and also Android Car. A research from the faecal vegetation from Japanese females (well, an individual's reached do it) revealed that higher algae consumption raises the great germs in the gut. Driverless cars and trucks are capable of noticing its own surroundings without the input from human communication. If you are actually not exactly sure exactly what you must carry out next it is actually highly recommended that you speak with a skilled car accident lawyer that can assist you obtain the money you deserve from the condition you have actually must endure with. For visitors which enjoy carbon monoxide Leah gets a call informing her that her former employer, advisor, & buddy Judy, has actually dropped dead in a vehicle incident. Good brother or sister relationships seem to be especially effective: 93 per-cent of the males who were actually thriving at grow older 65 had actually been close to a bro or even sister when younger. JBL designed the CP100 solely for Android Auto as well as Apple CarPlay connectivity, so the simple user interface is actually logical. If you cherished this report and you would like to obtain more details relating to please click the next site kindly visit our own site. However Glazier also lamented selling the vehicle as the buyer - MTX, the audio business who item was in the vehicle - really merely wanted their sound system back so this really did not fall under the hands from their rivals. Baseding on Barry, auto insurance is a purchaser's market, as well as searching for brand-new coverage could possibly spare you as much as $500 per year. This technique is not for everyone; it lowers simply about half the price from possessing a cars and truck and also could have a considerable amount of persistence. As an alternative, you have to manually release the CarPlay or Android Car application on the infotainment body to turn on the interface. This is why dealerships like to removal those vehicles that are on the edge from costing them additional money. I assume one in three from all vehicles are going to be crossbreeds, plugins or even full electricity through 2030," states Claus Huisgen, director from worldwide advertising and marketing at Getrag, portion of the Magna group and also the globe's biggest distributor of transmission devices. For this reason BMW's backing for DriveNow, a vehicle club which has actually developed on its own in Germany, the US as well as, extra recently, main Greater london. Decline in body fat and fats can easily participate in a great part in your personal wellness and also will aid maintain your center sturdy. The Pacifica showcases Chrysler's Uconnect 8.4 infomercial device, yet we were actually incapable to affirm whether this is actually the most up-to-date production along with a capacitive contact display screen along with Android Car and Apple CarPlay help, which debuted at CES 2016. Volkswagen has been actually charged along with finding fixes with all the affected cars which don't induce any reduction in gas consumption. The 2016 Goodreads Selection Honors possess 3 spheres of recommending available to all enrolled Goodreads members. So we have actually maintained traits pretty straightforward for Task CARS on Oculus by utilizing a floating display facing the player's scalp. Ultimately, a first-person motorbiking game that permits you carry out whatever you wouldn't do in the real world, whizing between traffic for overtaking manoeuvres that would certainly stir up a screaming-sirened chasing pack of patrol car in the real life. In the robust and also very competitive planet of vehicle retail, suppliers are actually taking out all the stops to get in advance of the competition, making much faster, much bigger, as well as badder vehicles to clinch your hard-earned cash money. By oftening your auto cooling troubles early, you can easily conserve yourself a bunch of opportunity, amount of money and aggravation! Days after The Excellent Spouse's disruptive ending in the US, a spin-off concentrating on Christine Baranski's character, Diane Lockhart, was introduced. Task Cars makes use of the switch motor which is currently crazy outdated so its own no surprise that jogs terribly. Other choices feature using Autolocate or the slicker site AllApprovedCars, to look the stocks of lots of used auto suppliers. She's been doing nothing, but fussing about being actually tired, and odds and ends hurting given that our experts began relocating our factors early today. As holds true with plenty of individuals; when they perform this, they begin to justify paying for a car they either can not manage, or even have as well stretch past their comfortable ways if you want to do this. Performing your budgeting to begin with as well as recognizing what you may afford (and what you can't) will definitely help have the emotion away from your buying procedure ... in fact, this will probably save you opportunity too because you will not be attempting to acquire an automobile that is certainly not within your budget limits. You're presented along with a set of situations where a driverless auto has to select between two miseries (i.e. killing two travelers or even 5 pedestrians) and you must pick which one you assume is most acceptable. Some states don't fill out on amounted to automobiles to the data source, as well as others do not make inquiries to the device before giving tidy titles to folks. Lots of people correct responsible for think about a water fuel vehicle since this is of great benefit to the setting. There is actually lots of room in the face from the Audi A3, as well as space is good throughout.

[ricardosousalemos]

Here Is Father John Misty’s Incredibly Long, Incredibly Awesome Explanation of What His New Album Is About

On April 7, Father John Misty returns with his new album Pure Comedy. He’s already shared the opening title track and a 25-minute documentary about the making of the record. The announcement was also accompanied by a nearly 2,000-word essay explaining the album’s inspiration. It begins with a quote from Ecclesiastes and ends with the thought, “Bears, man.” In between, Tillman addresses the evolution of man, the shortcomings of religion, and the idea that maybe more people should be eaten by bears. Read the entire thing below, if you dare:

“What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.

Is there a thing of which it is said, ‘See, this is new?’ It has been already in the ages before us.

There is no remembrance of former things, nor will there be any remembrance of later things yet to be among those who come after.” - Ecclesiastes

Pure Comedy is the story of a species born with a half-formed brain. The species’ only hope for survival, finding itself on a cruel, unpredictable rock surrounded by other species who seem far more adept at this whole thing (and to whom they are delicious), is the reliance on other, slightly older, half-formed brains. This reliance takes on a few different names as their story unfolds, like “love,” “culture,” “family,” etc. Over time, and as their brains prove to be remarkably good at inventing meaning where there is none, the species becomes the purveyor of increasingly bizarre and sophisticated ironies. These ironies are designed to help cope with the species’ loathsome vulnerability and to try and reconcile how disproportionate their imagination is to the monotony of their existence.

Now all of a sudden they expect light in the dark, warmth in the cold, and to make something out of nothing. Cooperation among the species to achieve these goals eventually yields a worldview wherein some among the species believe that there are individuals for whom this type of work is maybe ill-suited. The contribution of the ill-suited is of a more abstract, inspirational nature. The ill-suited begin to make subtle distinctions among themselves that extend beyond “eaten by a bear/not eaten by a bear”. These distinctions involve do-it-ness, cool-face-and-body-ness, craftiness, etc. – an arrangement emerges where these traits can be traded in for better-than-ness. This better-than-ness really starts to run rampant, and the species begins to wonder if there isn’t a Sky-Man in the sky who is perhaps the source of all better-than-ness. It seems like a pretty good explanation for why the species is so important.

Sky-Man pretty much runs the show for a really, really long time, and his inner-circle of better-thans gets increasingly smaller and smaller, even though by the end of his reign everyone in the species considers themselves one. Unfortunately there are some better-thans who get together and decide that one way of better-than-ness is better than other betters-thans’ better-than-ness and teach their little half-formed-brain babies as much (most who interpret this distinction as “me’s” vs. “not-me’s”). “Not-me’s” eventually come to encapsulate everyone that is not a single “me” at any given time, and this paves the way for incredibly distasteful behavior until the species arrives at a place of such alienation and fear there is really nothing so horrible that one of them wouldn’t do to the other. To deal with this less than ideal state of affairs, which seems suspiciously incompatible with how progressive and evolved they are by this point, they set about to entertain themselves into an oblivion with politics, sex, finance, philosophy, and other games of war. This they do until they are so numb, and the idea of any “not-me” so untenable, that they are blissfully incapable of noticing they’re all dead. This happens more or less on an infinite loop until the end of time.

Something like that.

Imagine if you will, as the album starts, that you’re way out in space looking at the earth and, though it’s impossible to “fall” through space, you start a free fall anyway in the direction of the bright blue marble. For the next 75 minutes you plummet toward the earth, losing more and more perspective on what an abstract and impermanent place our planet is, how predictably we step on the same rakes, slip on the same banana peels over and over again through the ages, quickly becoming more and more immersed in the very messy business of being a human – the dubious privilege of being here, the elusiveness of meaning, true love and its habitual absence, random euphoria and the inexplicable misery of others, truth and its more alluring counterfeits, the sophistication of answers that don’t make any sense, the barbarism of our appetites, lucky breaks and injustice, faith and ignorance, crippling, mind-numbing boredom, and the terror of it all ending too soon. Before you know it, you’ve delicately crash-landed and find yourself lying on your back looking up at the stars. If you’re lucky, with someone you love; even if just for a day, a year, a lifetime. Though just an hour has passed you have no recollection of what the earth looked like from the far-flung reaches of space, nor how simple it all seemed a matter of minutes ago.

I know everyone doesn’t feel the same about what’s going on right now. What for some is clearly garden-variety violent white nationalism serving as a catch-all for any number of paranoia-induced anti-fantasies foisted upon the poor and uneducated precisely by the ideologues bent on manufacturing voters who can be manipulated into voting against their own interests by making good and sure they remain poor and uneducated before cravenly blaming their problems largely on people bearing distinctions like race, gender, and sexuality so people forget everything that’s good about the American experiment, is to others an opportunity to wrench the country back from the influence of hypocritical corporate tyrants bent on enslaving our minds with spineless liberal rhetoric in order to justify wiping out the jobs of decent people so they can fulfill their fey utopian dream of an impossible global community designed to profit only its architects (probably Banking Consortiums, pedophile rings, and definitely The Illuminati).

This album does not espouse either of those views.

Both of those views take for granted a certain degree of sophistication, or at least a knack for cooperation, that I’m absolutely convinced humans do not possess; not to mention some kind of innate logic to the proceedings here on Earth – which make a much better case for being some kind of demented joke than anything else.

The terrifying reality concerning the dilemma above is everything is chaos and no one is really in control of anyone or anything.

But what about the well-documented history of humans making life a living hell for other humans since time began?

There is no intellectual, political, or spiritual explanation that will ever satisfy anyone for longer than a moment, least of all this, the only explanation with any dignity. The explanation that appeases both our instincts for compassion and liberation. The explanation that we can either accept and move forward together or keep screaming to our respective heavens, “Why, God, why?”

Things are the way they are because this is how we, the human race, want them.

This is how we want it.

Hold the motherfucking phone. Josh Tillman, you have said and done some stupid fucking things since we’ve known you, but this is too much.

Now the liberals and the conservatives are both outraged because that is a sentiment that is so profoundly insensitive to the ways in which the other side is clearly wrong in objective ways regarding basic decency, but what’s the alternative? We’re either all complicit in this purest comedy, or the people who aren’t to blame are at war with the people who are to blame until everyone is dead. Simple as that.

Is progress possible? What does it look like? The conversion of everyone to our respective beliefs? Well, we’ve seen how that typically goes. The destruction of everyone who fails to conform? That’s not it. The erection of institutions with the power and infrastructure to enforce a rule of law with the good of as many as possible at heart? Not much evidence for that panning out.

What I recommend is this: we return to the Vedic cycle and submit ourselves to the likelihood that many of us will end up getting eaten by bears. It’s only natural. What if instead of imbuing our expectations for the quality of our lives to include perpetual happiness, dream fulfillment, excessive painlessness, existential certitude, material wealth, and all variety of romantic stimulation, we were just grateful for every day that didn’t involve getting eaten by a bear? What if progress only meant literally progressing from one day to the next without getting violently dismembered by a 9-foot tall, 500-pound grizzly?

The irony here of course is that many more humans than we’d like to think, most of whom are not reading the interminable liner notes to a folk rock album, do live in daily, perpetual fear of getting killed by a mammal far more terrifying than a bear, and I think you know the one to which I refer. This form of mammal attack is made all the more nightmarish by virtue of the fact that the mammal in question kills purely ideologically. Bears kill because they’re hungry; they’re very reasonable in that way. So maybe we should submit ourselves to their authority. Bears we can trust.

Bottom line is that as long as we expect to live in such a way – immune to the natural laws of this godless rock that govern everything else here – human existence will continue to be a cruel joke. I fear, however, that it is too late for us to go back into the natural order. We have no desire to return to our primal scene. We like the way things are. We’ve got sandwiches when we’re hungry! Airplanes for when we want to go somewhere! Social media when we want our voices to be heard by all God’s creation! We know that these magical conveniences come at a staggering price, and that excess for the few is based on the scarcity of the many, but that’s why we invented the business of globalization! We’ve already built the wall! It’s a great, great wall that goes up to the heavens and is as transparent as museum glass. It’s a beautiful wall that winds surgically through nations, cities, neighborhoods, and sometimes even homes. It is a globe within a globe, and those who live within its interior are as clueless as to what’s happening on the other side as we are to what’s happening right now on the far side of Mars.

There’s only one creature that can penetrate that wall, friends, and it is bears. Bears can smash through that glass like a pitcher of sugar water through a brick wall. The equalizing revolution of bear justice is coming too. Sooner than you think. As it gets hotter and hotter, they’re coming. They’re coming into our neighborhoods, they’re coming into our schools, into our churches, into our banks, into our places of business, into our governments, into our beds.

The joke is that the best we can do is keep on keeping on, which we’ve proven ourselves pathologically adept at. We’re going to save the planet alright, and it will be a glorious sacrifice just like the Sky-Man we invented showed us how.

Bears, man.

[mypointisblog-blog]

Bullying Essays

     Bullying, An action that destroys the minds of many. It distraught a victim’s heart and soul. It is a crippling depression, when left unattended, can lead to a devastating ending.

I was once a victim of bullying, it pained me for many days and even lead me contemplating suicide. It wasn’t a fun experience as it affected me physically, and mentally. Bullying is an act of dominance and shows a ruthless exhibition of violence to it’s victim. The aggressor dominates it’s victim maybe to feed his/her own ego and satisfaction. Thus, when left untouched, can lead to many humanly disaster. That is why we must take a stand and make a change as we fight for the ones who can’t stand up in their own feet. When one gets bullied, instead of feeling sorry for them, we talk to them and give them advice. Approach the proper authority about known bullies so these people who get their proper punishment. Sometimes, the victim may also turn to become the bully which will lead to endless cycle of violence in our society. We may not stop bullying, but we can show that everyone in the world can be capable enough to fight their own battles and end the problem themselves. Bullying may give an endless amount of trouble to its victim. But it can also lead these people to lifelong lessons and experiences that can help them improve to become a better person. No situation is all for naught as there are always lessons to be found in every failure or upbringings that have been brought upon us. We can never escape problems, we may never stop it from happening, we may be incapable of making a change. But with these experiences in mind, along the lines of negativity shows a possible solution to the problem. So don’t think of bullying as an end to all hope. But progress have never been made without problems, and bullying is one of them. This doesn’t mean that bullying shouldn’t be eliminated out of this world, it should, but then due to the human behavior, it will never be resolved. God has a plan for us and He lead us to a lot of experiences, whether it’s bad or good, to find our inner true selves thus making us better people. He won’t lead us to eternal suffering, that is not what He wants, but He wants our eternal happiness and to achieve our fantasies and dreams so that we will know what it means to live and have freedom, the freedom of heart and mind. 

Bullying, a start of pain, an end with lessons.

-Blog Member, Drenzo Pornel

     Bullying. An issue that happens anywhere, anytime. Whether it be personally, or on the internet, bullying happens to everyone. 

When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE. It doesn’t matter what your background is, there will always be people who will bully you. This is a problem that has very negative effects on the victims. There are many physiological effects that are caused by bullying, such as depression. I myself have dealt with bullying. People attacked me mostly by making fun of my weight, social preferences, and other qualities I will not share. It did affect me at some point, but not drastically, because I have a solid support system, which is my family. But, my situation doesn’t apply to everyone. Some people don’t have the privileges I hold. Some other people don’t have a solid support system. This is where bullying becomes dangerous. For people with different backgrounds, the way bullying affects other people is different to how bullying affects me. Bullying cannot be stopped entirely, but it can be suppressed. Think before you speak. A joke that can affect a person negatively is not worth telling. Be mindful about others, and try to understand in any way their situations. Through this, I believe that bullying can be mitigated, and this will help a lot of people. As for the victims, please do reach out for help. Whether it be family, friend, or even a stranger on the phone. It can relieve the stress from what you’re experiencing.

Things change over time. Be part of that change.

-Blog Member, Rizal Katalbas III

     Bullying. 

A word people use to refer to the act of hurting someone to make the aggressor feel stronger or in other words, powerful. I’m strongly against bullying. As a matter of fact I was a victim of bullying once when I was very young. I knew the effects of getting bullied, It gave me insecurities, sadness, anxieties  and many more. I don’t want anyone to experience what I have just felt when I was young. We need to work together to change and prevent things like that from occurring. There’s a saying prevention is better than a cure. We can do little things like helping one another because it can greatly affect one’s individuality. Improving relationships with people can also improve the situation. People like us are no different than the others. We all have our own flaws. We just have to accept our own flaws and accept other people’s flaws as well. Don’t let other people change who you are. You’re unique, beautiful as you can be. God wants us to love each other. To keep pushing each other to reach our dreams or goals in life. For love unites us all. Giving us a happy life to live. No hatred, no sorrow, no despair. But compassion, love, selflessness, and joy. Never forget as well that the bully might have been a victim as well before. There is something that triggered the bully to act and feel this way towards you. Though it’s still very wrong to do bad things upon other people. Prayer is a really powerful thing to do. Some people might think otherwise that it’s such a “stupid” thing to do but it isn’t. Prayers can be answered. It gives us the hope that everything will be alright for God is there with you through any situation you’ll get into. You have your family and friends as well to help and support you through this worldwide problem in society. 

Just give them a call.

-Blog Member, Ian Alvarado

     Bullying, one of the biggest problems that someone has to face.

It has been like that for years and has been a reason for suicides, anxiety, and destroyed lives. I myself has been a victim of bullying and it was been one of the hardest moments of my life because of all the pain and embarrassment i have experienced. I really don’t understand those people who bullies other people because Why would a human being want to humiliate another person for fun? They make others feel so bad about themselves that they take dramatic measures to try to change the way they are. Are they secretly self-conscious about themselves? Do they feel bad about the way they look, so they take it out on others? These scenarios resemble selfish motives for making someone else feel bad. I firmly believe that those who are bullying other people should really be punished because they’re not just destroying other people’s body or reputation, they are also destroying there future too. Bullying has been going for generations and I want it to stop someway, somehow with the help of everyone reading this. 

Always remember, pulling someone down won’t help you reach the top.

-Blog Member, Chriztian Villamor

     Bullying is one of the most common issues in schools and usually exists between classmates, friends and even strangers. 

It has also been prohibited by the law since most cases result in trauma or suicide of the victims themselves. I have my own experiences of bullying as well and it comes in different ways like verbally, physically, emotionally and sometimes in social media, but then it had a different effect on my behavior and perspective. Bullying didn’t put me down, instead it made me stronger and confident in myself because I know that showing others that I’m weak will only make it worst for me. I figured out how to act and deal with the kind of people who thinks they are above everyone else, so I just be myself and go with the flow not caring about anyone who stands in my way because I know who I am as a person and try to balance my attitude depending on the environment I get into. Not pointing out that getting bullied always has a good effect but it also depends on the person’s attitude or approach towards his/her situation and it needs a foundation of confidence, discipline and understanding the right way to deal with your problem. 

I realized that the key to having a happy and peaceful life with everyone around you is to have a healthy relationship with God by communicating through prayer.

-Blog Member, Cyril Nieveras   

Bullying is one of the worst things that ever happened to me. The pain and depression of being left out and being back stabbed as a child is one that I will never forget. It was so devastating that I did not want to go to school anymore. I lost the motivation to do something. Even until now I belittle myself because this was one of the effects of bullying to me. It all started when I was Grade 1, after coming back from the United States I did not know how to speak Filipino. It was difficult for me to communicate with my classmates before because I did not know how to speak Filipino. Some of my classmates would take advantage of that through mocking me with my English speaking and telling me to go back to America. And there was this guy who would let his things be borrowed from him to everyone in the class except me. He told me I could not borrow his stuff because I was skinny and I don’t speak Filipino. It really hurts that I was treated that way. There were some good effects and bad effects on me when I was bullied. The good effect is that I learned that not everything is unicorns and rainbows in life, there will always be a storm, but after the storm comes the sun. The bad effect is that until now I belittle myself even if I have the capacity to do stuff. Back in Grade 10, I became classmates with my bull. My classmate asked me who bullied me before and I responded with the name of my bully which is now my classmate. He told me he does not remember anything about bullying me. My point is bullies don’t actually care when they bully you they just feel like it’s cool to bully just because they are bigger than you. There will be a time where you will be bigger than him. How? Just like now my bully is now asking for help with HW and I use that as an advantage against him. Just hang in there, let your emotions out and just wait for your time. -Blog Member, Lian Lazo Bullying , a word infamous for its foul intent , a verb that pertains to making one feel less of him/herself and abuse both physically and mentally . It is something that is dreaded by most , yet almost all of us have both been a victim and an oppressor . I myself can attest to this because indeed, there have been times wherein I have become a victim of this foul treatment . However I have Also become the cause of another’s demise as I too have been a “bully” and have one way or another “bullied ” someone else .This is so because the act of “bullying” atleast for me , is something close to that of an epidemic . I say this because everyone and I mean everyone has either been a victim of bullying or did the bullying themselves , and what is the root cause of this so called epidemic?. Well for me it is the gravest of all the sins known to mankind ( atleast for us catholics) - “pride ” . Pride is the root cause of all of the bullying on this world because if you would take a moment to contemplate and to ask yourself “why does the bully , bully ?” you would be wise to come up with the answer “pride ”. Because why does a bully , bully ? It is because they feel highly of themselves , they feel that they are miles above others and that those who aren’t of the same “caliber ” as them is close to that of a “ lower being ” They have so much pride that they feel like they are a “greater being ” than those around them and so they look down upon these people and eventually start the abuse , the torment, an evil that affects the victim to the very core and causes them great suffering. Bullying is also “contagious” I can say this because most bullies where actually victim’s themselves in the past and so because they were victims, they now are being the ones responsible for the demise of others. So as you can see, clearly the while process of bullying is somewhat like a pattern. It starts out with the bully abusing the victim, then the victim then becoming a bully them self and now begins to abuse another victim and so on and so forth. So you see it is something that must be stopped and to quite frankly there is really only one way to prevent it and that is to simply love and mire importantly respect one another, if this is done then bullying will be greatly reduced and the world will be a better place. -Blog Member, Justin Mastrili