#if you want any of them def let me know bc thats gonna determine if they do get added or not

[protectivemuses]

Possible future test muses:

-Isana (K Project)

-Kazehaya (Kimi Ni Todoke)

-Yukine + Hiyori (Noragami)

[whoree321]

the bad batch + olivia rodrigo songs

this is kinda super angsty and i didn’t necessarily mean for it to be but also idk what i expected. omega’s is cute but everyone else’s just got more sad the more I wrote lmaoooooo

Hunter: happier

hunter is def the kind of guy after a break up that wants things to be on good terms and genuinely does want to see the other person happy

like i think hunter is the most likely to want to stay friends after a break up

but he also has that pride and ego of not wanting to be replaced or wanting the next person to be better than him

he would be really torn between sincerely wanting the best for them and also battling his own discomfort and insecurity/jealousy at actually seeing them be happy without him

the balance between maturity/respect and that petty need to “win” a breakup would be tricky for hunter to manage

i feel like this song perfectly captures post break up hunter like “i hope you’re happy but don’t be happier” that’s really truly how he’d feel

Crosshair: favorite crime

i think that if crosshair got to a point in a relationship where he really cared about the other person and then they broke up he would feel very much this song

like i know the obvious choice might seem like “good 4 u” like edgy and angsty but I don’t think he would feel so aggressively angry as he would feel just really melancholy about it

like crosshair isn’t the type of guy to have meaningful relationships that he puts his heart into so if he did put himself out there and open his heart up so much he’s not gonna be able to just shut it down (even though he def will act like he doesn’t care at all even a little bit)

he’s gonna feel hurt and taken advantage of by the other person but he’s also gonna blame himself for being so vulnerable and opening himself up to that hurt

like i really feel like in the bridge where its like "everything we broke and all the trouble that we made / but i say that i hate you with a smile on my face / oh look what we became" is very crosshair. thats the bittersweetness he would feel towards someone he really loved that ended up hurting him

Tech: deja vu

this is so tech bc it is really a thorough, itemized, fuck you list

like i feel like it would be very tech to pinpoint all the parts of an ex’s new relationship that they reused from their relationship with him and just be like “hm. interesting. a big fat phony. how does that feel? to be a phony? just asking for a friend”

and that’s also something that would hurt him the most. like knowing that that person had experiences with him and learned things from/with him that he thought were meaningful and then they just go share all of it with someone else? that would be tough for him to take

the lines that specifically give me tech are in the one chorus where it’s like “that was our place / I found it first / I made the jokes you tell to her / when she’s with you” and also in the bridge when it’s like “play her piano but she doesn’t know / that I was the one who taught you billy joel”

i could just see him having detailed notes of his favorite moments of his relationship with that person (like specifically things they learned together or taught each other, new experiences they had together, etc) and then gradually having to sadly mark down when one of them has been used with someone else

it would be a really prolonged hurt knowing how much he valued those things and thought they were special and how much the other person just didn’t think that at all and continuously drives that point home

Wrecker: 1 step forward, 3 steps back

i feel wrecker here in this song bc i think of all the bad batch he is one of the most likely to really drag out a rough relationship in the hopes that it gets better

and I don’t mean that in a shady way at all. but I think crosshair’s self-preservation would kick in, tech would turn to logic and numbers and determine the costs outweigh the benefits and it’s no longer a fruitful relationship, and hunter and echo would have a weird honor code of like “I cannot allow our relationship to cause pain any longer”

but wrecker

wrecker would just be so head over heels and desperate to go back to good times bc he just loves so fully and completely. he falls fast and hard and it would be difficult for him to accept that a once-happy relationship just isn’t salvageable

the line that gets me is really in the chorus like “do you love me, want me, hate me / boy I don’t understand” bc I think that’s exactly how he would feel

wrecker would just be so sad and confused and he would know things were going wrong but it would just be such a whirlwind and he would want it to work out so much that he would let himself stay in an unhappy situation for too long

Echo: traitor

echo is an extremely loyal person and he values loyalty in a relationship so much

when he loves someone and dedicates himself to someone, it is really hard to break that bond. he will stick by them through almost anything

one of the few things that is unforgivable in a relationship to him tho is infidelity. so the hurt and anger in this song I think is something he would really feel in a relationship that ended in a similar situation

like if echo’s s/o was unfaithful to him, even if they didn’t technically cheat on him, it would really cut him to the bone. he couldn’t imagine doing that to someone else and I think he would feel that betrayal from them really deeply

the line in this one that sold it is in the last chorus when she changes it a little and goes “you gave me your word / but that didn’t matter”. like the way she says it is so hurt and that’s how he would feel

losing someone he cared about would really sting for echo (he’s already lost so much), but losing them bc they betrayed his trust, knowing that he really believed in them and he really thought they were someone he could put his faith in and then being wrong? it would be devastating to him

Omega: brutal

this song really captures that chaotic panic of being young and coming into yourself and the world

i think omega is a little young at this point to be feeling a lot of this just yet, but when those teenage hormones and angst settle in this one is gonna hit different for her

it’s just a really good depiction of that like self-consciousness and anxiety of adolescence where you’re so hyper-aware of your flaws and you feel like everyone is looking at you and judging you all the time

and in omega’s position, I imagine when she enters that time in her life it’s gonna feel pretty intense. you can already tell she feels some of it just bc of her life situation and experiences but once you add in the normal hormones and psychological changes it’s gonna be crazy

the most omega line in this song is when she goes “i’m so tired that i might / quit my job start a new life / and they’d all be so disappointed / cause who am i if not exploited?”

LIKE THATS LITERALLY HER @ THE KAMINOANS IN THE FIRST EPISODE THATS BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED

basically it would be her teeny bopper anthem and i love it for her

[monsterkitties]

please talk more abt ur simpsons self insert im in love

OK THIS WAS SENT SO LONG AGO AND NOBODY TOLD ME NOT EVEN TUMBLAR AM SORREY :(

so hihi hello im SO FRICKING!!! glad (and surprised!!!!!) you are interested in my lore. i must say though that i have much to share story wise because my brain thinks about 15 different things at once. by the time i go to bed it feels like ive been awake for TWO days instead of one

 my. SIMPSONA as the kids might say. is seraph ✨✨ short for seraphiael, and other shorthands for this name include serapheme, seraf, serif, cera, sera, etc. he/she/they/it is an angel! he sounds like LESLIE JORDAN and he looks like;

this! :3 (did nt draw that little headshot; thats a credit to eggvvhore, right there, it is) his design has changed a lot from the first drawing i posted of ‘im though BUT is technically still canon because he DOES dress like that and he DOES have longer hair which he eventually cuts and it starts to curl at the ends and then hes just got a lil poff 🌨️🌨️ :3

story stuff under a cut becauseeeeee its so self indulgent and kinda long lol

so basically reverend lovejoy is a fallen angel/not technically a demon since he hasnt died and gone to hell and hes so pissed off about god that hes like “fuck this im gonna kill your followers bitch” so like 200 years after hes fallen he starts murdering christians lowkey over the years BUT ONLY AFTER they commit a sin so he knows for SURE they’re going to hell instead of heaven

hes chilling in european parts of the world mostly at first since they love jesus the most and then when american happens, he jumps his ass right on that boat and he moves all across the bible belt for like 300 years UNTIL the 1970s when he meets helen and is like aw fuck yes oh my god holy shit finally someone who GETS me. i will marry you immediately so we can be best friends forever (eventually it evolves to something more romantic but this is how it starts out)

SO THEY MOVE TO SPRINGFIELD (and in this canon i share with two, technically three, other friends of mine, springfield is a fucked up town where like time froze at some point or some shit idk im not the friend that works on that LOL thats Shattered Man Jokis’ job)

so at this point lovejoy has been on earth for 700 years total and that equals 7 days in heaven! so hes been gone a whole week.

god like, looks down at the earth, he’s doing a routine check, whatever, HE SEES LOVEJOY AND HE’S LIKE. OHHH MY GOD HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THIS FUCKING MENACE IS SO CLOSE TO MY MOST LOYAL IDIOT SUCKER NED FLANDER (lovejoy is definitely planning to kill flanders) so he sends his highest ranking most powerful angel possible to kill him before he kills ned (this wasnt a decision on my part, i just looked up the name seraphiel and apparently thats literally the name of the prince of angels so i was like. ok i guess this guy is prince bitch)

preface; god is an asshole. hes just an asshole. he gets all his power from the worship people give him and his angels are powerful because halos are something that literally gives the angel connection to god’s power and also connect them to a constant stream of god’s thoughts so instantly they know exactly what he wants done at any time (halos can be broken or ripped off; breaking them allows the connection to fade away which still leaves you with abilities for quite a little while after but ripping it off severs your connection permanently and removes almost all magical properties and is EXTREMELY painful. this is reserved for angels who have been banished from heaven USUALLY)

preface 2; after falling lovejoy’s only supernatural qualities he’s retained after so long are MINOR EXTREMELY minor shapeshifting and he’s crazy strong (his str + def are sososo high but nothing else really lol)

so seraph gets there, lovejoy immediately knows who he is, they get into an anime fight because those are my favorite types of fights, destroying everything wow awesome big huge and then somehow its fine three days later

seraph loses! because i think lovejoy is just that determined about not dying + he has plot armor, and they fight a couple more times, and seraph loses some more, so seraf’s like FUCK this i guess. and just decides to literally stalk the shit out of reverend to make sure he doesnt kill anyone else (”YOU COULD HAVE JUST LET ME KILL YOU BUT NOOOOOOW I HAVE TO STAND HERE, RIGHT HERE, SEVEN FEET BEHIND YOU, FOREVER.”)

he really doesnt need to do this? but hes so so fucking mad that he couldnt kill lovejoy he’s like “i cannot go back to the Lord and be like. yeah i fucking failed” ARE YOU KIDDING HE’LL DIE. so instead he just intently follows lovejoys every move

eventually they form a relationship and then they kiss and then seraph and helen kiss and they all kiss and wow its content not for anything other than for me to be interested in. all of this is tailored to me bc i really liked lovejoys design/voice/personality and it spiraled from there :)

there’s more stuff after and even between this shit but it involves other peoples characters and this is already a lot SO if anyone is interested in our self indulgent little au? send another ask go right ahead 💖 id love to answerb

[rqs902]

.

a lin ran feature :’) i respect hes self-aware about his need to be more than cute to succeed. lin ran has always given me a vibe that hes very serious and tough on himself. he looks soft but has high demands and seems very determined to get what he wants.

im not worried about li hao bc hes surrounded by a bunch of kids who can teach him how to dance LOL not just lin ran but like jin fan and tianci too

what is this pole and could they not move it LOL

lol so jin fan and tianci did a flippy trick and we just gonna pretend like it didnt happen lol okay 

ugh so jin fan kinda got to do more dancing than other stages but i was still hoping itd be more!!! but man lin ran is really killing with his stage presence here

leave it to ycw to speak loudly and vocally about his friends being injured so people recognize their suffering

LOL lin ran’s sassy “im not stupid!!” but yea the third stage was really rough for him, so im glad he was able to recover 

LOL lin ran again casually threatening the production team to be like “please edit this stage well” “please don’t cut our segment short” LOL 

lol yea im not surprised at this point that li hao won even tho it shouldve been lin ran. youku is def making these rankings up. lol gjm did you even look at lin ran’s facial expressions???? lol making up excuses for youku wat

lin mo praising lin ran and giving him encouragement like a true bro bc he knows how hard lin ran worked for this stage. i wonder if he designed the stage rigging

AY I RESPECT OSCAR. hes a good kid and someone whos willing to speak his mind to address problems, thats awesome. they need someone to do that. he’s direct with the problems but also directly follows by complimenting them and saying how great they could be if they pulled through LOL hes still a kid so hes trying not to offend them but i respect his courage, warmth and dependability. 

LOL XUE EN DESTROYED FRANKLIN HAHAHAHAHAHHA and he goes all cutesy after like he has no idea the power he holds LOL but im glad they showed some footage of xue en also teaching the other kids dance. cto skills whooo 

ycw still bringing up shiwei? hes either very caught up in his feelings still (which is probably not a good thing at this point) or hes just a really dedicated friend... or youku is just purposefully using shiwei’s elimination for dramatic effect. 

im surprised they didnt highlight cxh more bc youku seems to like him, and conversely they gave xzx a ton of time for his stage and let xzx win. 

XUE EN IS SO HANDSOME 

okay i just needed to get that out of my system

but also im kinda glad syh is in this group bc hes the only one who i will not laugh at when singing this song. ycw and oscar talking about drinks and whiskey??? yall are babies?? also this song does NOT match this dance well at all. i see why they didnt like it when they previewed it LOL also i see now why i saw an edit on twitter of this dance over “retreat” from qcyn bc that song actually FIT the tie pulling move.. versus this im just like ??? seems so out of place?? 

also their voices all sound weird :\ maybe its just too high of a register for ycw and cxh? or maybe theyre just not very good at singing....? lol 

giving xue en the only multi colored tie? THEY KNEW. 

im just happy that the party group was able to make their stage so well that other kids were regretting not choosing them bc ycw was really struggling to get people to join him...

LOL CSP BEING SILLY TO ZHAN YU THIS IS THE FRIENDSHIP I NEED

LOL XZX AND LIN MO are adorable together 

im glad that they spent time to say zhaohao has improved, i feel like hes gotten zero recognition so far. i feel like ycw winning is the only win i am willing to believe so far. (couldve been xue en too tho) 

A FEATURE ON XIKAN’S FRIENDSHIP WITH LUO ZHENG omggggggggggggggg luo zheng the sweetest ge, leaving all the good things for xikan whatt ugh but luo zheng is like literally going actor route so sad that he still wants to be on stage but has no opportunities. im grateful theyre still so close that xikan starts crying just thinking about him 

xikan being involved in the stage design and costuming and all makes me think of lin ran but also makes me think of cai xukun. cxk always gets so involved in every little detail to seek perfection

interesting that they focused it all on zry and lxk........ but at least highlighted xikan’s fun side

lol they purposefully cut in fan yu screaming zry’s name and ycw yelling cyc.... 

but also tbh xikan’s voice was not very strong during his high note and i know hes giving 110% into his dancing so im guessing he doesnt have much air left at that point but i was kinda disappointed it couldve been better. BUT he still did a good job. i thought the part where they ripped off his jacket couldve been more impactful? but it felt like it was just randomly in the middle of the rap break and he doesnt sing again until much later so it was like why did you change clothes there? 

tbh this song isnt that exciting? so im surprised that they wanted it that badly? 

i saw spoilers that fan yu was gonna be there and its adorable and i love their friendship but lol zuo ye being like i shouldve asked all my gege’s to come.... lol aka they know its kinda unfair for fan yu to be winning votes for zry

im grateful all the trainees are supportive of xikan and they purposefully showed a bunch of popular kids cheering for xikan

gosh that injury on his nose, you know hes put too much energy and is too invested into his dance part when he rips his own face like that :\ 

i saw spoilers that renyu would win and someone did the math that it makes zero sense for their group’s score to be that low, but i didnt expect their score to be THAT low.... goodness wtf thats definitely rigged, i see why people were mad. 

renyu winning is either entirely rigged bc youku wants him to debut or people are really just voting for him bc fan yu was there and that’s not fair either. i love renyu (and his friendship with fan yu) but there’s no way renyu actually won that many votes on a stage where he didnt really show his vocals that much and he messed up his dancing and he was surrounded by kids who danced much better and wouldve made him look not great. this makes zero sense. and the fact that ycw is the only winner that made sense is probably bc youku was like well we cant make it too obvious that its all a joke. but really, its all a joke. 

yes i love that renyu worked hard and stayed up all night but can we talk about how xikan does that for every stage? and renyu’s just now started to do so. renyu just came into this competition less prepared, so his improvement is easier to see. 

i still think if youku wants to debut renyu, theyll kick out lin ran from top 7, but can we talk about how lin ran put in all the effort to design and perfect his stage? how he teaches others to dance and pushes his group mates to shine as a leader and how he has truly one of the most memorable and formidable stage presences on this whole show? people say the debuting group will need renyu’s voice but how can you really say that renyu fits and is prepared and deserves to debut more than lin ran? 

renyu is adorable and talented but let’s be real, as a vocalist, hes not like you zhangjing, hes not like zhao lei, hes not like zhao pinlin, hes not proven that he really fits to be a main vocal in a boy band. youku cannot force us into believing that he can fit that role without any evidence to prove his worth. its like theyre trying to jam someone into that role and its like renyu’s their closest bet, but even tho he still doesnt quite fit, theyre just gonna shove him in anyway. this is what happens when you only give attention to people who are dancers and dont give actual attention to people who are actually boy band main vocal material.... /COUGH ZHAN YU or even cui shaopeng?? 

how can you possibly believe that renyu got 173 but their average was 134? none of xikan’s groups numbers make sense: 

how did shengen suddenly drop so much? youku has been touting him this whole time into the top 10. shouldnt more of xikan’s fans voted for xuyu? bc he literally begged during the last elim for xuyu to make it this far. xuyu wasnt even dead last in the elim ranking but here he gets last place by like 15 votes??? when everyone else’s vote difference is like half of that at max? 

you expect me to believe lin ran only got 127 after he literally descended from the ceiling as an angel? that doesnt attract attention? how are both zuo ye and hu wenxuan so low? wenxuan was literally center and had bright pink hair, and in a song style that suited him, you cant tell me he didnt shine on this stage. xikan tied with xzx???? beneath a kou cong and su xunlun tie??? no way 

theres one week left and youku’s getting desperate to make it look like whatever they’re going to make happen will be a natural result, that this competition is up in the air and no one is safe, but it just seems very questionable to me. 

sooo does this mean there arent gonna be elims before the finals or what, we just dont see them announce who gets to perform? im assuming not all 32 kids will take part? and theres not gonna be a mentor collab stage? it wouldve been cool to see han yu and cheng xiao with the kids. there were 3 stages between the first and second elimination but no third elim and no mentor stage? its a mad rush to the end, honestly. 

oh well, we still love these CHILDREN 

ps: if youve been following my rants, i honestly feel like i have had a really positive impression of zheng renyu from the start and i really do like him. he makes really good songs and his voice is very nice and his friendships are pure and his attitude is commendable. 凄美地 and 當帷幕落下 and 後來的我們 are some of my favorite favorite songs to listen to from this entire show, like probably 3 of my top 5, and a good deal of that is because of renyu and his voice. but im just trying to be realistic and renyu is not in my ideal debuting boy band. 

[2nerdsandablog-blog]

shiro x reader coffee shop au

alright so for this, u and lance are coworkers at a small time cafe:

- so u work nights/afternoons a lot and it gets rlly tedious. i mean, u can go a full hour without any work at all so u and lance tend to play stupid games or doodle on napkins to stick around the work area. 

- at one point he’s in the back doing smthn and in walks shiro, fresh from a run and looking like someone sculpted by the gods and ur jaw drops. i mean, u break out in cold sweats, instantly nervous, but he's rlly sweet and cool. he makes small talk abt what he should get, he tells u he rlly likes tea but he has't found any rlly good brands and asks which is ur fav. he also asks abt the little pastries and stuff, he doesn't want anything too sweet or heavy and u help him with that

- the whole time he's rlly sweet, hanging on ur every word and giving u blinding smiles, def flirting w u but not going overboard and ur an anxious mess. he kinda hangs back to chat w u some but then a new customer comes in and he ends up heading out- saying he'll see u soon- and u go to take care of the next customer

- after the lady gets her drinks, she sits in the corner and start going on her laptop and lance finally comes out. u tell them abt this guy, u don't even know his name (it was so slow u didn't have to ask for one- u also forgot from staring at him), but u do a rough sketch of shiro, scar and all, and lance teases u abt it bc they don't believe he was that attractive LMAO but now ur determined

- over the course of the next month u see him 5 times and every. single. time. lance is doing something. inventory, cleaning the bathroom, laying out pastries to be put in the oven or something that keeps him away from the front and every time he comes back u tell them how ‘the guy’ came by again. it becomes a huge joke between u two but lance is getting rlly interested in seeing this dude bc u hype him up so much

- so finally !!! lance is working the cash register and ur wiping some tables (u guys play games and whoever 'loses' has to do the dirty stuff like clean tables or the bathroom or wash the dishes after a small pop- neither of u mind doing those things but it's fun to make it a game either way) when shiro walks in but he doesn't notice u and just walks up to the register. mind u, he always comes within the same time frame. not on the dot but he always swings by after a run around 7-8pm and chats w u until someone comes in and u gotta help a new customer. it's routine. so he goes up to the register, fully expecting u, and comes face to face w lance

- u see this and ur pointing, making hand gestures to say "THATS HIM" and lance is like jaw dropped, eyes wide, completely blown away because he's real and u weren't kidding, this guy is gorgeous and before lance can compose himself to give the spiel ("hi, what can i get for you?") shiro cuts him off and asks for you by name. LANCE SNORTS OUT LOUD which makes shiro blush like crazy bc holy shit did he just say that out loud ? 

- and u run behind the counter, slowing to a walk before u get to shiro so u can pretend like u didn't even notice him. u say hi while lance moves to let u take shiro’s order (best wingman ever). ya'll do the whole flirty thing and lance starts working on the drink while u both talk. u try to hang back and talk to him but people start filtering in and he says he's gotta get back to check on his brother

- as he's leaving and he says goodbye you hear lance yell "her number is on the cup !!" and u blush like crazy while he just crooks a smile and nods his thanks, things pick up after that and u forget what happened in the meantime

- the next day shiro calls u so u can save his number (this boy is bad af at texting- old man) and he tells u how he didn't wanna call u while u were still at work. he asks abt ur day and what ur plans r, if u enjoy ur job, etc. and it ends up being a decently long convo that just flows so naturally - it's rlly amazing and ur swooning. hard. 

- u try to give lance grief for doing that bc u were so nervous but ur on cloud 9 after the phone call that ur heart just isn't in it. 

- shiro’s phone calls regular and he still swings by the cafe after some of his runs but now when he gets his drink he hangs around longer. so even if u take a minute to finish up something for another customer he'll wait for u instead of just leaving like he did before. lance usually tries to cover for u, joking that once ya'll r finally together they won't be so nice. 

- which brings u to a serious dilemma: how will he ask u out ? or does he expect u to do it ? and ur nervous af bc he's amazing and ur a bit worried that ur not on his level but lance reminds u that he called u even when he wasn't obligated to and points out how shiro hangs back to talk to u which helps u feel a bit better 

- but right before ur gonna like super freak he comes in, not sweaty but like dressed rlly nice (and oh fuck, that nearly kills u bc he looks even better if that was even possible), and he orders his drink and talks to u but when things pick up he kinda sits at a table and casually hangs out. shiro goes on his phone, sometimes watches u make a drink and just generally hangs out. 

- side note: he's def like put thought into the outfit. he's got nice jeans and a button-up, with the sleeves rolled up which rlly hug his arms and show how strong he is. his hair is a little messy but the good kind, and he smells so good. he's def made an effort which kinda confuses u but ur also too busy drooling over how good he looks to seriously consider the implications

- it gets super empty around 9:30-ish and ya'll have to gear up to close at 11. eventually lance tells u to go 'clean tables' and talk to shiro a bit- ur p sure he’s up to smthn bc he has the same smirk he wears when he’s abt to beat u at one of the games ya'll play- so u wipe the dirty ones down before sitting at the little table where shiro is hanging out. 

- ya'll start talking and at one point the conversation falls into comfortable silence, just kinda watching the few cars go by, before he turns to u and gets ur attention 

- he tells u abt how when he first came in and he thought u were rlly cute, he comments on ur smile and how helpful u were. how he honestly wasn't a fan of the tea u suggested but he didn't wanna hurt your feelings so he drank it. he says he came back bc u were so sweet and he was instantly smitten. shiro tells u he's surprised u weren't annoyed by him taking up all ur time after u had made his drink and even tho u try to stop him he kinda shakes his head, gives u a small smile, and keeps going. i mean, shiro is here being rlly sweet and then he says he rlly likes u and he couldn't figure out a better way to ask u but he wants to take u on a real date, maybe not at a cafe tho lmao

- so ur kinda shocked but he doesn't pressure u, he says it's a choice u have to make and that he doesn't need an answer right away- even if u decide not to, he's 100% okay with it and when u realize shiro thinks there's even the slightest chance u'd reject him u shake ur head rlly aggressively

- obvi u tell him u wanna go on a date with him and he gives u this warm smile and then asks u abt something arbitrary, easing the conversation into smthn different and easier

- lance lets u guys talk for as long as they can before he actually needs ur help to close up. shiro apologizes a bunch but lance brushes it off. shiro promises to call u and leaves. 

- lance whispers "u owe me for helping u get dick" before ya'll part ways and u honestly can't even be that embarrassed bc the butterflies haven't gone away for a second

- he calls u to say goodnight and make sure u got home okay ofc

koda

[rosefromc0ncret3]

its funny how I always think I have no tears left to cry until im faced with new (or should I say, old and recurring) emotions time and time again. ive been processing a lot of my feelings lately and just reflecting on who I am as a person. I literally always find myself thinking too much about how others perceive me and how they view me in their life. am I important to people just as much as they are to me? do they value me as much as I do them? do they even think this hard the way I am rn. im trying to release and let go of these habits because they rly aren't doing me any good. its like my mind is just spiraling. I guess lately ive just been thinking a lot about my friendships with people and I mean this is something that I always think about I guess. sometimes, I wonder if I have poor boundaries with the ones close to me just cuz they are so close. and ive had conversations with other ppl before about how setting boundaries with people doesn't mean to never talk to them again. but just rly limiting interactions with them and what you choose to share just to protect your own peace. I guess sometimes I just feel obligated to tell people whats going on with me just cuz I know a lot about their life but I know I shouldn't feel the need to share parts of that with others just cuz they do. I know I need to do whats best for me. things have just been feeling really isolating and lonely lately. like im getting so mad and upset over every little thing. which some can argue thats how I always am lol. but ive just been needing a lot of space from others so I can be on my own shit. also I just find myself getting so annoyed by everything lately and I just cant deal. idk tho, cuz sometimes im so torn between wanting to be around people and then wanting to be alone. there's so many times where I am alone and I feel like no ones there for me.. or that no one understands or cares for me. and then there's times where im with a group of people and im like what am I even doing here cuz I truly feel like I dont belong. I guess this is just some internal battle shit that I have to figure out on my own. especially since I find myself having the same behaviors that I wanted to get rid of. sigh. times like this I just rly wish I had my therapist to talk to. just so I can have an unbiased perspective and for someone to just to tell me lol. but I know as much as I talk about this or feel this shit, it is truly up to me to figure out how I want to move forward. this is literally what my career is gonna be lol. so I know I need to have that understanding myself so I can actually believe it when im preaching it to my present and future kids. sigh. what a trip. anyway, was thinking out loud earlier and was just thinking about everything going on in my life and how overwhelming shit is. but as I was saying it, I was telling myself that there is a lot of good going for me and I know I have the opportunities to learn at school and at work which is so beneficial. I guess I get overwhelmed bc I think about all the work I have to do and if I'll be able to keep my sanity through it all lol. but I know that self care practices really start now cuz its def gonna be go go go when im in my career. however, I know I should be grateful. I just have to create and find moments to breathe. cuz its super hard out here. sigh. I hope that one day I won't have to constantly determine my worth thru my relationships with people. sometimes, I feel like I get so caught up in thinking that im no ones go to or no ones best friend and it just hella takes a toll on my worth. I know it shouldn't be like that. but I guess thats just how it is when you grow up with low self esteem. Its little things like not being included in a comment or being forgotten about that truly trigger something in me. I know I have to face these feelings head on otherwise the same shit will just keep happening. ive cried so much during the month of august and I feel like I just need to let all these tears out. every time I cry, its like a different type of sob. like just an extreme amount of feelings that I cant contain and the only way I know how to release it is to just fucken cry. I know I have to address them though. and it doesn't have to necessarily be with another person. it really starts with me cuz I know that I have to give myself the solutions that work best for me in order to just release myself from this negativity and heavy emotions. sigh. I hope I find those solutions soon. one day. one day at a time forsure. I believe in my heart that one day I'll be okay and everything will be okay. everything will be okay. 

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 12 - “Oh How The Tides Have Turned” - REGAN

https://youtu.be/87W1CYDauwc

Honestly that tribal council last night could've gone better, but I think that may have been the best outcome we could've seen.. What last night really shows is that my "side" won the battle, and now those who remain from the other side Jared/Nicole/Asya are kinda scrambling to integrate themselves.. Jared is definitely someone I know our side thinks we can trust, and he's doing a great job at integrating himself within the group for sure As of now, I've been thinking about it more and more, and Jared telling me that Dan was REALLY thinking about getting out Augusto, and what Dan was saying in the process, makes me really think that I can't trust Dan anymore.. He's playing Jared really hard to try to make sure that Dan can have Jared and Nicole on his side when our group splits, and I'm not liking it too much The thing that disappoints me is that I really trusted Dan 100%, and if I didn't hear that he was doing this, I probably would've still stuck with him EVEN AFTER he voted for me at the f11 tribal council.. Now what I've gotta do is play the field a little more. Nicole told me she lost her vote at ghost island, and I'm not sure how many people are going to know that's a fact or not, but I'm glad that I know she can't vote, really meaning the only person's vote I'd actually be concerned for is Asya.. By working with Roxy, Regan, Augusto, and Jared, to take out Dan, I think we can efficiently pull off a blindside on him and send him to jury, freeing up Vilma, Asya and Nicole, bc tbh, Dan has remarkable relationships with all three, and it's almost becoming too little too late before Dan becomes too powerful in the game I know i'm not necessarily out of hot water yet, especially because I know certain people would salvate at the thought of taking me out, but I've just gotta keep playing it cool, and not make it too known that Dan is probably my next target.. Kinda disappointing the way things ended with Alex and I, but he gave me 0 effort after he voted for me, and I'm not really going to do the same for him after he made a f2 with me, tried to convince me to not play my idol at tribal, and then being the one that was mad at me after tribal, because I asked him to vote for nicole before tribal, when I was actually voting for Ricky.. Shame shame shame Mr. Crooks. Shame shame

OMG this is perfect Roxy just told Regan wants a F3 with us And like THATS WHAT I SAID MY IDEAL F3 WAS I'm all for it Alternative contenders would be Dan and Nicole But I wouldn't feel comfortable going to the end with anyone else really I want to get rid of one of Jared / Johnny asap I know they're close plus they're way too unpredictable I don't like unpredictable players I want to be able to predict where everyone's loyalties lie

I forgot to add this into my last confessional, but Jared and I just promised each other f3, and I don't intend on going back on that.. I know that I am going to try my hardest to get to the end at this point, by any means necessary. It's single digits now, and i'm ready to start being a little ballsier with my moves. Bring it on bb and let's see how deep I can get being crazy heehee

So jared and johnny told me to play my idol last round So I did And i wasted it But vilma got the idol clue AND BAM i told her to search where I thought it wasnt so I could get the idol and I did. I wanted the control. But if vilma gets votes I'll use it on her. I trust her 100% because she has yet to lie to me. And also because I think I can beat her. This time no one but her knows. I had to tell her or else it wouldn't be fair. oh how the tides have turned. We are iconic

these people suck, i miss ricky and alex 

https://goo.gl/images/HZwhVx

(A LITTLE LATER)

https://goo.gl/images/kDMJVb

somebody please send this to jared i think he’s confused.

So I have a lot to catch y’all up on so get your tea cups! Asya and I talked last night and formed a super close alliance and somehow we ended up being the swings for tonight so that’s exciting! Also I’m glad I won immunity tbh! Anyway, the vote is between Nicole and Jared for sure but there was a group made to see who should go first and the consensus there was Jared. However, there are pros to Nicole leaving as well. So far it’s 3 votes for Jared, 1 for Nicole, 1 for Dan with Asya/myself/Roxy deciding how it goes. ps, Nicole lost her vote at Ghost so that’s dope. I was also told by Regan that she found another idol but she told Vilma I have a double vote so yikes gjdngnfnf anyway gl noms

(SIGH)

I know this ain’t that deep but ngl, I am the swing vote this round and a reason that I didn’t want to make the smarter move in my eyes is because I didn’t want it to affect my relationship with Regan who is someone I value a lot in this game but then I had to realize that the reason I’ve left so many times and left early for that matter is because I valued other people over myself and honestly, my time is now and I need to be selfish since that is the business I need to finish. I need to learn to stand by ground a bit more because I feel like I’m doing well in this game and if I want to win, I need to be a bit more assertive and all about me. 

16.39 Why's everyone sleeping on the fact that Jared and Johnny never wanna eliminate each other It's pretty clear that they're protecting each other But nobody wants to vote Jared or Johnny out with me ughhhhh Everyone thinks it's too early I'm more concerned they will somehow slide to the end And then we all just lose against them I guess I'm not as scared to make moves because there's two idols that are on my good side but idk It's hard! 19.02 Phew okay Regan wants Jared too 20.14 I mean I understand feeling reluctant to take out the big threats but we're about to enter f8 and and if over half the people in f8 are people I think I have absolutely no chance at beating then that doesn't look too good for me If I was one of the big threats I'd want to keep a shield in as well But I'm not, and I definitely don't need 934873 shields I need to start getting rid of the big dogs 20.48 I'm actually not 100% sure whether it would be smarter to take out Jared / Nicole now but I find Jared so much more intimidating My only concern is Asya/Nicole/Dan/Johnny/someone somehow coming together if we take out Jared now. But I think it would be semi easy to convince people to vote out Johnny even if that group tried to take the control. Plus I know Roxy is pretty determined to get rid of Dan. I hope I'll be able to slide through even if we take out Jared now. It's just that I'm not very close to Nicole at all so I don't know if she has other connections besides Jared, Dan and Asya. 2.14 I still think we're gonna go after Jared tonight but there's been a bit of messiness going on and you never know what's gonna happen during these two hours before tribal so we shall see. OH I think I forgot to tell but I got the idol clue with my mani-pedi and shared an altered version of it with practically everyone (ok not really but almost) but I soon realized I didn't alter it quite enough. I got lucky none of the guys found it though, because I definitely didn't want any of them to get that power. BUT Regan found it instead and she's at least convincing me she would use it to protect me too if needed, but I'm not absolutely convinced of that yet. I'm pretty content with her having it though, because I think we have similar interests going forward in the game and I wouldn't mind going all the way with her. Plus two idols in my possession would have felt like a bit too much hahaha. I don't deserve that much luck, I already got saved from death thanks to a host influencing a pre merge tribal for fucks sake.

Another round of me sucking at confessionals, so i'll give the long story short 1. regan made a chat with the five people on our side, excluding myself, to talk about the pros and cons of getting out jared vs nicole, bc regan thinks i cant be trust and im going to run everything to jared? okay cool 2. After me spending the entire day to help jared and nicole, jared further sinks himself by telling dan that he wants to go for me or regan, and then he's telling me that he wants to go for dan, and he's trying too fucking hard to deflect attention off of himself, which is such a mood 3. This group of five decided that jared has to go 4. Regan is lying straight to my face, when I've told her I'd be flexible with the vote and do what our group wanted to do, but regan wants to be EXTRA instead and lie to me...... im watching you sissy 4. Augusto had this plan to get me him roxy asya (tbh i had the same idea, but it came out of his mouth, he can get the credit) to not vote out jared, but instead vote out nicole bc nicole is less threatening, thus more detrimental to our long term games since we feel like we have no chance at having nicole's support, when nicole is more likely going to work with dan or regan instead of myself augusto or roxy, and if jared continues down this path, he's likely going to shoot himself in the foot AGAIN in a future round, so this isn't an awful idea, and I hope it works.. If this works, another big round for ol man johnny man and it helps me position myself better within the tribe. bring it on :)

This round is exactly why someone with a panic disorder should NOT PLAY TUMBLR SURVIVOR. I literally feel like I'm going to puke this round. I'm thinking the vote is gonna be 6-3 tonight against Jared, but I'm just really unsure. I feel like I'm def getting the 3. I just feel like this game has been a fucking shit show the last few rounds and no one has gotten to see it mainly because people just frantically message in PMs instead of alliance chats, or to the VL. I think this cast is iconic, and honestly if I get sent to jury, I'm literally so proud of the improvement I've made in tumblr survivor. Obviously, I want to win, but so many people left deserve it, so as long as some bump on the log like Roxy or Asya don't win I'm cool as a cucumber :~) I am 10 seconds away from kermitting tho, so see y'all later.

JARED IS SO DUMB Yes i know Johnny is protecting you none of us are that dumb to think otherwise Secondly I have the merge idol. He doesn't stop claiming you have it you ho.

https://youtu.be/8FCoZiUBHHo

[exfriends]

lil pride questionnaire thing

this was originally an ask meme, but i wanted to just do it all the way! 

stuff under the cut

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

probably staying in, ordering food (date must do the phone call and the opening of the door to collect the food in order for it to be considered the perfect date). vidya games. youtube vids. the works. 

2. whats your “type”

i really like alternative looking girls! piercings and tattoos? right up my alley. however, i literally think all types of girl are attractive, so this is a terrible question. 

3. do you want kids?

not really, only bc i don’t think i could ever be a good parent. i’m open to it though.

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

probably adoption from the foster system cause i dont want my children biologically related to me

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

uuuuughhh probably me and tash’s second first date in november, we went to applebees and literally wandered around a home goods and it was just, the best time. 

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

 7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

i am an afternoon gay bc all of me wants to say night time gay but whenever im at my girlfriends house i fall asleep at grandma hour 

8. opinion on nap dates?

hell yeah

9. opinion on brown eyes?

hell yea

10. dog gay or cat gay?

dog gay

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

yeah!! id be very nervous holding them tho, reptiles look very brittle to me and i wouldnt want to hurt them

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

certain opinions on things, how often and how they text in general, communication preferences 

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

that only “ugly” girls could be gay. i was in middle school and my idea of ugly was basically traits that resembled my own--i never thought conventionally attractive ppl could be gay. also before middle school i didn’t even know gay was a thing, like it was just never mentioned as a possibility. 

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

don’t believe boys when they tell you they like you lol u gay af

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

16. who is an ex you regret?

ALL OF THEM though most recent, first srs relationship, def regret. he has a kid with the girl he left me for now lol 

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

cafe gay! 

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

Raúl Esparza

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

video game gaaaay but like i never play i just watch letsplays

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

victuuri, patater, zimbits, barisi... 

21. favourite gay youtuber

i’m literally just gonna say shane cause thats the first that comes to mind but i really dont keep up with him or any other lgbtq youtubers

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

several times!

23. have you ever been in love?

yes!

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

yes!

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

i don’t! i just die. i’ve never heard of this phenomenon. 

26. favourite lgb musician/band

probably the spook school or diet cig? 

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

Don’t be afraid to use a label for yourself and eventually have to change it. I was afraid of the word lesbian my entire life because it seemed too...final. and even now i dont use it for a medley of reasons, but don’t let that stop you from embracing it. 

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

i didnt really “come out” i just kind of, started openly liking girls and no one really believed me until i brought tash home?

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

probably trying to explain to my cousin that just because i was gay i didn’t want to hang out with the one lesbian we had in our high school. he was insisting that it would be a learning experience for the new lifestyle i had chosen. literally? what? he wasn’t trying to hook us up he just wanted us to hang out for some reason. wild. 

also trying to explain to my bio mom that i was dating a girl last year. she just, asked me if i had sex with her, and i was like what. but of course she didnt use the word sex she had to be like “did you do the hatchy matchy with her? have you done the smoochy poochy?” and im like. this is why we never speak to each other. 

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

the day you can be away and be yourself will be the most freeing time in your life! take it from me. it’s worth waiting for. some people will never change, but you can be happy. 

[gothhabiba]

aliceopal replied to your post “aliceopal replied to your post “that trend of a bunch of people…”

Thank you for this reply, I really appreciate it. The validity thing comes from my own experience of continuously doubting my own experience in a destructive way. For me, when I make a post, receiving that makes me immediately feel better. However it’s just like a typical case of me not being in check of my own autism+adhd-II and letting myself fall for the impulse of replying before I’ve double checked with someone else if this is a socially okay/not intrusive thing to write. Which clearly was needed for this. I know I write using a lot of words which makes everything I type a million times more annoying as well and as a non verbal I honestly haven’t yet found a way to be fewer worded. This is def such a screw up and it’s clearly deeper than just my disabilities. If it were just my disabilities then it wouldn’t have happened in a way that was “white person taking up space that doesn’t belong to them” but just regular me talking too much and being unhelpful/misunderstanding the intentions of something. Which - thank you so much for taking your time to explain how - it wasn’t. Like when I autstically project my experience+ fail to control the expression of that onto another white person I’m not necessarily doing harm. I misunderstood the difference of wanting to seem ungrateful and being it, and I misunderstood completely what you were expressing. I need to work harder on empathizing and understanding what is clear enough to you and the other readers as to not having to have it typed out in the post. Like I need to really focus on doing that before I reply, more than in any other interaction because I really do respect you and I really don’t want to drain your energy that I know is scarce in such an idiotic way especially thinking I’m following social protocol like a fool. I’m so sorry for all of this text. My help-person doesn’t work on weekends and I really wanted to express that I have read what you took your time to write. Would it be more comfortable for you if I tried to keep my interactions to an absolute minimum, reading to observe/take in only? (Clearly best would be for me to not be such a White but I dont want that learning to be at your or anyone else’s expense. maybe standard protocol: “it makes one happy to receive replies and interaction” is incorrect in this context bc it’s based on: dealing with interaction even bad such=less lonely but I can’t just assume thats your goal jfc

Im an idiot and typing this out I realized so many things I have misunderstood to such a vast degree with all of my interactions with you fuck I really wish I didn’t just do this in YOUR replies which is the fucking problem in the first place g-d I’m so fricken sorry I.. fuck. Bringing this entire interaction to my occ.thp. (she is v good at privilege and power structures) because I shouldn’t have sent you these replies either.

sweetheart I wasn’t gonna respond to this but honestly at this point–not only did you blame neurodivergency throughout this entire thing, but then you also determined to show this conversation & my personal, emotional responses to it to a third party without my permission (which is uncomfortable because this entire thing started with a failure to respect me in the first place, and also for several personal reasons involving past trauma with this kind of thing)–and now you’re reblogging all of my personal, emotional reactions to this (and a good deal of other thing involving race) because? why?

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #12: “if they were smart, they would take me out tonight.” - David

Man, things are not looking good at all for me and my alliance, LOL, sweet lord. Jones was blindsided at tribal, and now if I don't win out these immunity challenges, I'm definitely gonna go home.

Winning 2 in a row is a feat in itself, now I'm going for 3. With a time of 7:58, I feel pretty good about it. The key is to not get ahead of yourself and take your time. People go too damn fast in these endurance challenges and manage to mess up, I'm hoping that's the case again this time, LOL.

so...! POST TRIBAL JONES WENT HOME 4-3-1 HALLELUYAH LOLLL LIKE THE GODFATHER IS GONE!!! rhys legit gave me tobi and ryan a fucking heart attack bc if he selfed it would have been 3-3-1-1 and ryan was gonna use his idol on tobi.. i have to laugh lol but ya like uhm.

its rly weird to be in this position. where i feel insanely comfortable. i’m the only person left with 0 votes to my name, me and tobi are the only people to vote 100% in majority throughout this game. :))

and it’s even better bc.. tobi and ryan both think i’m their #1’s. and i can act the fool bc i’m the ONLY canute left vs 3 mercia 2.0 and 3 sweyn 2.0 hehe...

its super weird i dont usually have good positioning but i feel as if the only way i’ll ever leave is an idol play which i think me and ryan have the only ones :)

I BEAT THE CURSE OF EIGHT. But Jones got voted out. So it’s a win/lose situation. She was determined on helping me get past eighth and it’s upsetting. But I gotta keep moving forward and do my best. Block Party was very tedious and I don’t know what’s considered a “good score” for this challenge but I completed it in 7 minutes which I think is pretty good.

so im just gunna be a psychic and hope this comes into fruitation or whatever the word is...

OK SO THIS VOTE GET OUT DAVID.. easy 4-3 lol

next vote.. bait tobi mo and ahrre into voting ryan, tell ryan to idol, we pref get ahrre out if possible..

then i PREF WIN F5 IMMUNITY AND BAIT all of them into votign tobi and i idol tobi... but if i dont win immunity im gunna prob use it on myself and be a selfish cunt lol

Just kidding it took me 11 minutes I don’t think I’m winning this

So last tribal was interesting. In theory my plan didnt change anything, however it couldve stopped a tie vote. Jones was close to Ahrre and Mo (maybe David?!). So she couldve easily chose to vote Ryan and sway them on board. My plan stopped this happening as she had no idea they were voting for Tobi.

Now I feel like I am still in a power position. I am inbetween Tobi, Ryan, Scott and Mo, Ahrre and David. I have to assess my options. I did lie to Mo, and Ahrre. So they may want to make a move against me. Where as Tobi, Scott and Ryan are the more safe trio but also more dangerous in that I wouldnt be able to beat one of them in the end.

Someone has idols too. So ANYTHING could happen. I need them to get burnt out soon. I CANT have a possibility of 4 IDOLS at final 5. Dani, Felix and Jones were all blindsided, so there may be a chance some idols laid there. However the merge one is likely still here. It was gone before jones left, and might be gone still. Meaning the idol is with someone else or wasnt re hidden.

My main goal in this round is to keep votes off me, get an idol possibly used and stay low. I didnt make a massivly obvious move, so my visiablity may still be low. I dont need a huge threat level, it makes getting to the end 100x harder.

Tobi snapped in immunity and tg he did bc David is finally vulnerable again <3 honestly it should be an easy vote considering ik our 4 wants David out bc he's so strong, and I doubt anyone else has an idol since me and Scott have 2.... so wigggg smooth sailing? i ain't gonna settle into comfortability tho bc that's never good

Ok so now I need to think about my end game. The only two people I’m not comfortable sitting next to FTC are Ryan and David. Ryan has been swerving eliminations and has gotten rid of several big threats. David is a comp beast and is also responsible for some big moves. So now you might be thinking, Mo? What’re you going to do? Lemme tell ya Barb. So my plan AT the moment. Is 7. David 6. Ahrre or Rhys 5. Ahrre or Rhys 4. Ryan And then final three will be Scott, Tobi and myself.

Winning immunity at this stage feels sooooooo damn good like especially for this round, this is the first time david has been open on the table after his immunity... and i feel like this is the round where advantages from the other side will be played and im glad im not vulnerable to whatever shit they throw at us... so like from a gameplay standpoint, me and scott have one of the best games currently (i think) with scott edging me slightly since he hasnt got any votes yet, but we're working together really well and like i feel like i can talk game to him really well... so the plan is that we take out david this round, we round up mo (idk about ahrre) for next vote and blindside ryan, and then from there we take out ahrre, and then me and him are in f4 with two goats. He wants to go to f3 with me while taking one goat (or so he says he does) but im gonna start making moves on scott at f4, if i can take out scott at f4 that leaves me a huge opening to take the game all the way till the end... but maybe i'm thinking too far ahead

Lowkey tho like... I kinda want ahrre out over david at this point... i feel like ahrre has built some sort of barrier in our relationship for no reason. like i've shown huuuge interest in working with him in the past, but he's just gone against me and even voted me last tribal in SPITE of me??? like??? everything he's done has landed him in the minority LMFAOOOOOOO LIKE get your head out of your ass and realize that i actually want to work with you!!! and like to get ryan out at f6 we're gonna need numbers and im not sure how comfortable i am with depending on mo to flip with us, the problem with telling ahrre is that hes soooo unpredictable like, he might just go and tell ryan everything me and scott are doing and then bam there goes everything... i understand wanting david out now since he's an immunity threat but thinking about all  the blindsides I need to pull off like... I wanna keep david but I don't have numbers to keep him so I'll just have to bite the bullet on this one

So!! i lost challenge. again. lol xd

missus david and his ragtag bunch of misfits who dk how to Not piss everyone off are now deciding to vote me after unsuccessfully voting everyone else. (: BC THATS GUNNA WORK OUT FOR THEM.

like bitch.. work w/ the majority. they arent even TRYING. its lowkey kinda sad but its their own faults they put themselves in this position...

the tea is even tho i have my idol im only playing it @ f6/f5 OR if david idols. like. tobi/ryan def wont vote me and rhys will just follow ryan i think NNNN

wisj me luck x

Fuck. I have a really tough decision to make. I’d like to say I’m the swing vote but I don’t actually know 100%. I can choose to vote with David, Rhys and Ahrre or Ryan, Scott and Tobi. My main concern with this vote as a whole is jury management because I don’t want someone to leave unhappy with me but that’s really tough to do. I said previously my two concerns are David and Ryan when it comes to who I don’t wanna be sitting next to at FTC. A final four with David is scary because he’s a comp beast. A final four with Ryan is scary because he is super close with Scott and Tobi. This is a headache.

Well so last vote was funky dunky. So rhys sticked with the majority because he considered Jones to be a bigger threat than Tobi due to her connections.... Then the vote comes around and literally everyone lied to Jones about the vote LMAO.

So me mo and david followed thru with the tobi vote but it was to no avail, mainly because rhys not only flipped but he let him know I was gunning for him. Meanwhile the rest convicted Jones to vote me, probably by telling her some lie about how I was after her. While they all voted for her.

So there goes Jones and my no votes streak with her RIP. So after all of that I decided it was time for me to try and win imunity and while I was close Tobi just edged me the fecker.

So now we have an immune tobi and depend on rhys to flip for real this time. I hope he realizes that if he doesn't then everything is fucked but now it doesn't even depend on him. Since it's between Ryan and Scott and it's f7 the chances of an idol being played are high.

David is worried it might be him they're going after but idk anything could happen.

hmm so I've been busy today and haven't been talking with everyone. but i believe the tiffany alliance is still on the same page of voting David. i heard from Scott that the other 3 are voting him and they think Rhys is voting with them so that's interesting. i'm defintiely feeling safe, and i feel like Scott isn't going anywhere either so yayy final 6 here we go. I also talked with Scott about taking out Tobi sometime before final 3 because he's definitely a big jury threat, and he can definitely win immunities so if we get a chance to take him out we might hop on that. A final 3 of me/Scott/Rhys sounds pretty ideal and i think me or Scott would take home the win whew

david got another thing coming if he thinks he can idol me out... thats tea lol :)

So I lost the challenge yesterday...and yet I'm hearing that I'm not getting any votes tonight o.O which I don't believe for one second, cuz if they were smart, they would take me out tonight.

As I'm hearing...me, Mo, Ahrre and Rhys are gonna be voting for Scott, and Ryan, Scott and Tobi are voting Ahrre...because they think that I have the idol, LMFAOOO. WHICH IS TOO FUNNY OMG. I WISH I HAD THAT FUCKING IDOL, LOL.

Okay, so one side thinks Scott is going, One side thinks David is going. Meanwhile im in the middle lieing to half the tribe trying to stop an idol getting played to save my closest ally. Yeet.

Ok so according to rhys they're gonna be voting me since they're worried about david having an idol. But maybe that's just rhys playing the long con. Either way there's a sizeable chance I could be going home this week but hey third time's the charm amarite maybe this blindside will work once in for fucking all. Anyhow let's see how this thing goes.

David is voted out 4-3.

[krayns]

All :p

THANKS A! okay ill skip the ones M already asked me!

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? 

LOLOL, well it was the GC so I would say hey bitches wus good. ACTUALLY. I’D BE LIKE YALL CAN LOOK BUT CANT TOUCH CAUSE YALL BITCHES BE GETTING THE WRONG IDEA, and told yall bout a good million times Im just not interested. Pls take a hint.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

WELL. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, bc he was a lowlife scrub who I do not need in my life at all. Blocked & erased my history 

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? 

UM…. yes bc I would care about my partner and would want the best for them……. so I wouldnt want them on drugs 24/7

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? 

OMG its exactly 6 letter BISH.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? YA GIRL WAS DRUNNNNK IN LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE 

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

OMG NO. Im never the one to mess it up SMH, im the one left to clean up the mess SMFH 

7. What does your last received text say? “Or nahhh” 

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? 

LMFAO what kind of question. YALL REALLY THINK I SIT THERE AND COUNT EVERYTIME I KISSED MY MAN LIKE LOL?????????  Lets just say I kissed him WAY too many times than he deserved. (V many times tho bc who doesn’t love a good smooch)

9. Where was your last kiss at? 

BRUH. my ex mans house OK NEXT 

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? 

well I have 2, and a few hours ago before they both went to sleep bc they youngins. 

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Ya girl likes her steaming hot cup of TEA in the morning. Gotta have my daily tea. 

12. Where did you sleep last night? 

My mans crib ;) why you care tho?

13. Do you think relationships are hard? LOL. They’re hard if you make em hard. And if you’re partner is stressin you then hell yeah. But I mean no relationship is perfect. Its all about working through those hard times and that honestly makes the relationship stronger. 

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? 

YES. I would’ve left the trash ass ugly piece of garbage that treated me like shit and used the hell out of me, before I got super attached to him and let him walk all over me. DEFS wish I could’ve left his fuck boy ass long time ago, shouldn’t have let things lasted as long as they did.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO. bruh. YOU ARE ASKING FOR A WORLD WAR 3. im crying could you imagine. OH he would be shook. That or he would have the best sex of his life lbr. 

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny when I gotta go out, Rainy when I’m inside/ at night. BC YA GIRL HATES GOING OUT IN THE RAIN. Womans are not tryna look like a wet cat. 

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? 

Actually yes quite a few, people I knew from school, also I think Selena Gomez? My middle name is kinda basic.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

None of the above ;) 

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

PART OF ME: I REALLY HOPE SO bc ya girl a hopeless romantic 

OTHER PART OF ME: HONESTLY IDEK BC MANS ARE SO WHACK THESE DAYS, HARD TO FIND A QUALITY QT, and honestly im doing me these days like mans can wait BYE 

20. Does anyone like you?

Jesus! My boy JC. Dont know if anyone else likes me bc like I clearly can’t read minds so?

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

Besides family, no one else is ringing a bell

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? 

Nope

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

Currently: My EX, Alicia from AYTO (tv show) (snake ass bitch), 

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yessss many times. Like theres so many ideas I have. I would probs get one like on my side, back, lower waist, or behind my ear? Either something cute or something with meaning.

25. In the past week have you cried? 

Yes I think I had a moment the other day.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? 

A cockerspaniel. 

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Depends on my mood. I really like showers tho, preferably with my man 

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

Not yet ;)

29. Do you think you’re old?

Honestly sometimes I feel old asf

30. Do you like text messaging? 

TBH not really. I prefer having that face to face, talking through text is too much miscommunication. 

31. What type of day are you having? 

A swell day, kinda was in my feels earlier but ya girl got it together. 

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

YASSSS. I’ve wanted one for a while, but now I’m like do I want one that bad? It would be cute af THO

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

WARM WARM WARM. No ones tryna freeze their ass off. Ya girls an Island baby 

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Jesus Christ. 

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

RELATIONSHIPS, FUCK FLINGS ARE JUST NOT FOR ME. I am not meant for that fling life 

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

Im quite wild tbh when you get to know me

37. What song are you listening to? 

Currently: Straight Up & Down by Bruno Mars 

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? 

Hellllll YEAH 

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? 

Yes, I’d say my Moms, Ash, Rach or my sister Tia

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

OK. WELL…………………………………… dont ask me bout this rn im confused. But I kinda also have feelings for my ex ex man who wasnt really my man but still he is literally like my ideal man and ive been seeing him a few times and im triggered UGH my first uni LOVE FML fuck he has me WEAK ASF

41. When did you last receive a text message? 

A second ago: so 1:55 AM 

42. What is wrong with you right now?

NOT A GAWD DAMN THING BISH. 

no but real talk school out here draining me. ALSO IM V CONFUSED BOUT STUFF. 

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

YO thats my girl. RIDE OR DIE since 7th grade. I know her like the back of my hand and likewise for me. 

44. Does anyone disgust you? 

HAAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA, you already fucking know the answer. TRASH ASS EX MAN. Also fuck boys just disgust and erk my soul in general. 

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

Depends on who’s asking 😏 but hey if I like you, you cute, nice, funny, LOYAL, determined I mean I would probs say yes. ALONG WITH MY OTHER WANTS: smells good, good style, nice hair, kind, TALLLLLL, athletic, 

But hey I mean he don’t have to fit all these categories, im just being extra here 

46. Are you in a good mood right now? 

Currently Yes :D

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

My mom

48. What color shirt are you wearing? 

Not wearing a shirt oooooooops 😳

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? 

YUP. dont wanna repeat bc it was honestly the DOUCHIEST thing I’ve ever heard in my life and it makes me sick to my stomach that this literally came out of a mans PIE HOLE. i cant. 

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Already gave up on em. LIKE UP OUT OF MY LIFE. blocked and erased that history 

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Not really my ex ex man I still kinda like. BC my ex man was not the one that a fell hardest for so nah. IF IT WAS HIM THEN I WOULD. 

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

ummmmm noooo????

53. Do you like rain? 

Only when I’m inside, or about to sleep. That Netflix and cuddles possible chill typa weather ya feel 

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Nope, unless the liqs turns them into a monster then yes I would care. 

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? 

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL😳😳😳 HONEST TO GOD IM EITHER STRAIGHT UP OR SO LOWKEY. Like im TOO GOOD AT THIS. I could be crushin so hard on someone and they would never know bc im too good at hiding it.

56. Do you like to cuddle? 

YES LOOOOOOOOOVE. your girl likes her doses of cuddles. BABS like getting cuddled too ): 

57. Are you shy? 

LOL HONEST YES. IM SO SHY AROUND CUTE BOYS OR LIKE PEOPLE I DONT KNOW. But once I get comfortable with you whoever you are im defs not. YA GIRL WILD AF

58. Do you get along with girls?YASSSSSSSS girl power bitch. LOVE MY GIRLS. Love hyping and empowering up my girls. 

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

YEA SHE MY BAE :* 

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

STRESS. LOL jks but omg phone, lipgloss (bc you never know if you eva gonna kiss a QT), the normals 

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

UM. NO!!!! TF! ARE YOU WHACK. NEVER WOULD YOU EVER CATCH ME IN A JUMBIE INFESTED PLACE. NAH NAH

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

YES. OBVI. I’m that long term typa gyal ;) Im that ride or die typa girl

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? 

LOOOOL. Lets not think back to that time, I already ctrl alt and DELETE. BOI BYE 

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

um YES. stop. putting. me. in. my feelS. But lets just say it wouldn’t just end with a kiss on the forehead ;) 

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? 

Well im cute so……….. everyday something cute happens aka ME :)

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

21, and the rest were family SO LOL 

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?   

honestly i can do my own nails, but its nice to treat your self

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? 

ZEBRA, your girl is a zebra print stan, my whole room is practically this print 

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? 

i dont own a car, but the car I drive has a “princess on board sticker” which is for my little sister but HEY its suitable for me too so 

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?

Lil Wayne… not about that country/ tim buck two. But tbh I dont listen to either of em 

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?  

IPHONE 6 GANGGGGGGGGG

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Maybe like last year? Usually get pizza pizza

73. Do you like diet soda?   

NAH, diet taste kinda weird 

74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Its like an olive green, but I want to re paint, maybe a shade of pink 

75. Are you 16 or older?    

older…. why you tryna holla?

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?  

I did…. show got mad boring tho. 

77. Do you have a job?   

Not currently, in school tho

78. What are your initials?   

K.M.B BITCHHHHHHHEEEZ

79. Did you ever have braces? 

nope, but the dentist always ask me if i had braces and always say how nice my teeth are :D

80. Are you from the south?  

NAH NAH, IM NORTH JAX FAM

81. What does your last status on facebook say?  

um???? I think I promo’ed Ash’s travel VLOG, check that shit out tho!!!!!!!

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? 

CRTL.ALT.DELTE. 

NO BISH

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? 

I would say my dad bc I grew up with him? but i tell my mom and step mom more personal stuff/ everything so

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? 

I think it was suicide squad.

86. Do you smoke?    

Nah, not on those greens fam

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?  

DEPENDS. On location and look. 

88. Is your phone touch screen?    

YUP

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? 

Well my hair is wavy and I usually just leave it natural. I love straightening my hair but takes way too much strength and energy out of me.

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?  LMFAO YES. TO GO TO SLEEPOVER AT ONE OF MY MANS HOUSE IM CRYING @GOD forgive me father 

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? 

DEFS POOL OR OCEAN LOL BOUT LAKE OR RIVER BYE 

94. Are you single or in a relationship?   

Doing me. Living life. Doing whatever the hell I want. I am happy and thats all that matters. Not letting mans bring me down, have me stressing, crying myself to sleep, or crying until i have no more tears to cry

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?  

Texting my squad in the GC, talking about waste mans 

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?  

Fireworks in my heart: probably in the summer on my first date with trash 

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?   

YES bc I stay taking cute pics, im obsessed with taking fire pics

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

NOPE. Always know my limit

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Hate is a v strong word. I think if anyone I really disliked I’ve removed, I may have some fakes from like HS but thats about it.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:   PROBABLY TICK TOK, YO MY GRADE 7 ASS WOULD WHINE UP TO THIS SONG, MAJOR TRACK 

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?  noPE, but honestly i wish I did bc I wanna go somewhere warm