#if you try to fight me over this I’m screenshotting your name and message and publicly humiliating you and then blocking you btw

[galpalo]

No I’m not late, just took a break because school is currently busying my schedule.

if I could fit every screenshot here I would. But the limit. J my girl,,

ALRIGHT, finale episode huh? Yeah I’m not okay either

Ah good ol’ teacher with no canonical name (maybe, the fandom creates a new name for him every season) dudes so done with life he doesn’t care if the world is ending, I wonder if they extended the episode he might’ve had a much bigger role? Like he knew nori and khan before. Would’ve loved to see more of Alice,,

UGHHHHFGHEHDHD DAUGHTER MOTHER MOMENT. FINALLY. THE MOMENT WHEN “solver control me again?” “If you a little bitch” AND ITS SEEN AS PARENTAL ADVISORY. THEM.

he got more assertive with his emotions guys. He told her he was still mad about her whole “self sacrifice” thing back at ep 7. It’s so small yet so much. Guys. Development.

Ah. At least the solver was nice enough to send a message. The inaudible frustration afterwards was funny though-

This. Uzi literally admits being nervous over it because she can’t read the signs well because of how lonesome and isolated she was from her peers (my analysis, I suggest seeing a video or blog that talks deeper into her personality) and N saying that “that was the plan, yeah—“ UGHHSHWUSHUWSHJA

I’m. Gonna screa.m they mean so much to me chat.

The fact N literally gave her a drawing that said “I O U 1 SPACESHIP” is so damn adorable and her IRRITATION with it!! love it. I’m going to talk about this moment so keep it in mind real quick.

Can we appreciate the fact they applied the whole “gravity” space logic into this?? Even when uzi tried to talk with her mom earlier? I love when shows/games do this, hello Lizzy and Thad hope y’all like your time in the near-apocalypse. sorry you guys had to experience it 😭

“I’m fine! And CALM. and GO AWAY.” doesn’t seem calm to me J, lizzy rolling her eyes while Thad is concerned over their fate at that scene. PLEASE. Lizzys beef with that sentinel is like your two friends fighting on a daily basis for petty funsies.

JAW DROPPED. THE MUSIC WAS LITERALLY SO COOL WHEN THE BEAT DROPPED. AND SHES FUCKING BACK???!

YEAH NOT THE TIME TO GO “um actually” J. BUT PLEASE. PLEASE. WE ALL THOUGHT J DIDNT KNOW IT WAS CYN. BUT GUYS. SHE WAS. AND V IS FURIOUS. PLEASE STICK WITH ME THROUGH THIS.

Back at the camp episode, when V said “we do our jobs” it was what J told them all along. “And it leaves us alone/and that thing leaves us alone!” so the solver tricked them into thinking that once their job is over they’ll be left alone, remember when Uzi in the pilot told N that when the disassembly drones job was over that the “humans” would throw discard them? Yeah. Also am I the only one who thinks when J told her to “grow up” it’s like “grow up from the hopes of returning home/to the mansion and the solver leaving us alone”??

AND YOU WERE AWARE OF IT SIS? WERE YOU TRYING TO PROTECT THEM IN YOUR OWJ WAY? but seriously, while we did hate J in the pilot, when you think about it (far fetched but stick with me here) she was being mean and hard on them so they get the job done. So the solver would leave them be. Guys.

so remember how she and Tessa were super close? Yeah? Yeah it probably hurt her yeah. I’m fine. Don’t worry. I.m fine. Vs look of confused concern is no problem. Yeah.

See what I mean. It tortured J off screen. TAUNTED HER even. She even LOOKS upset by it. She wants PEACE. And she’s coping by calling the solver BOSS, THE NAME SHE CALLED TESSA BAKC AT THE MA.NSION.

“I never needed either of you.” leave my girl ALONE.

SCREAMS???THE STRESS IN THIS SCENE?!

fun fact: in the Russian dub when the solver says “you won’t talk to me because I have hurt you feelings.” It instead says “after all, I’ve been alive…” guys. Theorist. Do your thing. Right now my mind is scattered brothers. The same thing happens in the Spanish dub when the solver says “hi N!” It says it in Tessa voice. Guys. It’s taunting them.

And Vs apology before the solver literally IMPALES N. I’m gonna cry. She wasn’t aware the solver literally KILLED Tessa “Tessa is cyn!”

Hello? This moment that I see no one talking about?? Appalling. Maid Vs corpse?? So this is a flashback to episode 5 “home”, to where I assume the massacre already happened and this is when the solver (who canonically was said to have taken cyn as a HOST. confirmed by “Tessa”.) and while this might sound bizarre, is in the process of modeling the drones to disassembly ones??? Guys?? The fear and confusion in the mans eyes? He saw his former crush dead body and his supposed friend tear them both apart?? I pray for a season 2.

[whimzakil]

god i'm so sorry to keep bothering you about this but i looked at the discourse between you and creepy spaghetti guy or whtv their name was and it makes me SO MAD URGH

cuz like. they're the kind of person who can't take any sort of problematic topic in media even if it's portrayed in a negative light and it's like. stop taking everything for what it is??? use your media literacy skills? people who do that always make me wanna rip my fuckin hair out jfc

and then they shamed you for. what??? wanting r34???? as if????? that's a shameful act??????? like yeah i get it it's not suited for work n shit but people can still enjoy it and to shame someone for it is just so. disgustingly puritan imo.

oh and i looked through their blog and they made a blacklist right after your fight and co09 was right at the top of it. because of course it was. AND they called people class of '09 glazers. god i wanted to send them hate anons so bad. BUT it's against my morals to send hate anons + i know for a fact they blocked u so they aren't seeing this <3

you a real one G, it’s good to see i’m not the only one who finds them to be a fucking sub-human chronically online ass-hat. you know what’s funny? after the event i went one my alts & tried to reason with them again to see if i could at least make sure the COMMMUNITY doesn’t get hate, they kept blocking me cause, obviously they would, & then posted a screenshot of every single one of my alts they’ve blocked & put a title that, once again, over exaggerated my words. i got so desperate to keep the community out of my line of fire that i dm’d a friend of there’s to see if they could pass on the message, they assured me the community wouldn’t be caught in the crossfire & that i don’t need to worry. they were much more chill than their friend as well & even complimented me on trying to solve it peacefully.

(+extra: am i the only one that finds the fact that a homestuck fan calling someone else problematic ironic?)

edit: also i have another alt i use just to snoop around silently, so i’ve been keeping up with what they been doin

[sic-fayl]

Guild Member Next Door (kinda) translation - Part 15

Click here for the previous part - or click here for Part 1!

Disclaimer, as always: This is based on an MTL translation, I do not know Korean myself, I am trying more to stick with the impressions/vibes of a sentence instead of a strict word-for-word meaning - and most importantly, this is only for fun.

Now, have fun reading!

Ding!

His black phone screen lit up with a sound he couldn’t identify. There was a message from some app he couldn’t place either. For a moment, Yeo-woon just stared at the icon, feeling lost, until it finally clicked that this was the Whole Blue app he’d installed some time ago and so he tapped his way to the message.

[Earth: Newt?]

Below today’s date, there was that message and another one with a question about where Yeo-woon was. Maybe the app showed that he’d seen the messages, or maybe it just showed that he was writing a reply, but either way, the little ‘...’ icon, indicating Earth Star had been typing, had disappeared. Seemed like Earth Star was patiently waiting for his response.

[I’m outside?]

[Earth: I really think you best go home right now.]

‘Ah, why am I shaking now? Has something big happened?’

[Earth: You’re not busy, are you?]

‘So something did happen!’

Feeling nervous, Yeo-woon stopped in his tracks, not caring that this meant he was standing in the middle of the road, and one-handedly tapped away on his phone.

[Is something wrong?]

[Earth: Yes!! Your level is so low, it’s so concerning!!!]

[Oh noes…]

Well then. Nothing to worry about after all. Yeo-woon swiped away the app and kept on walking. Now that he’d finally taken out all the trash that had piled up in his place over the past week, he felt better.

So he walked back to his apartment with a skip in his step, hands blessedly free, but once his phone connected to his wi-fi, he received a slew of messages all at once. There was a seemingly endless vibration coming from his phone, along with a lot of dinging noises, all sounding in quick succession. A bit dumbfounded, Yeo-woon took out his phone to check out whatever Earth Star had spammed him with.

[Earth: Btw that Jam guild actually delivered.]

[Earth: (photo)]

[Earth: They sent the plans for the 2V2 just now, but somehow I doubt they consulted you on those ><]

[Earth: The plan is three games next weekend. You got time then?]

[Earth: ㅜㅜ Did you block me?]

Now that it’d reached him, Yeo-woon checked the photo Earth Star had sent. It was a partial screenshot of a message in Illusion, clearly sent from Strawberry to Earth Star.

[Received mail]

Sender: Strawberry

Title: Pvp info

Weve discussed the pvp in our guild so heres the deets.

Fyi we chose ur fighters based on whos got the most hacking allegations lol.

*WHEN*

Either sat or sun next weekend - u decide n tell us

*FIGHT DEETS*

2v2 - 8 minutes - best 2 out of 3 rounds

So u win twice, u win it all

And if we get a draw bc of time limit, we restart that round until we get a winner

*FIGHTERS*

Poseidon: Ji9Star / Kittycat MeowMeowMeow

Strawberry Jam: Motsuena / neutaaaa

N we decided Motsuenas gonna livestream it all to prove whats really going on.

If u dont wanna get exposed n banned just dont use hacks for once. Fight urself instead of letting some program do all the work for u.^^

Nearly everything looked good. The only problem was Yeo-woon’s name being listed as one of the fighters. He tried to rub his eyes for a bit, hoping it was just a weird hallucination, but the words refused to change.

[Wait, but why am I…?]

Yeo-woon had assumed he would just be a witness to the fight, nothing more, so now he squeezed his eyes shut, feeling too confused to look at the damning words any longer.

[Earth: Guess you were the only one around Cat’s level lol.]

[Earth: You’re both not on the final jobs of your classes yet and they probably assumed that me and a low-level cat vs two actual 200s would be too unbalanced or something. Lol.]

Even though it had seemed to Yeo-woon like Strawberry Jam had sent their guild-invite at random, same as how he’d accepted it on a whim too, he’d since realized that they had no members below level 200. In general, it was a strong guild with many things to offer its members, so the more he’d thought about it all, the more confused Yeo-woon became about why they’d asked him specifically to join, out of all possible players. In other news, he’d also learned that Kittycat Meowmeowmeow was still a student and so his gaming time was limited to the evening, which meant he couldn’t level up very quickly and so it could still be a long time, before he’d eventually reach level 200.

“That makes sense...”

‘If that’s why, then I kind of get it. But still, you could have told me all of that, so I wouldn’t have to hear it from Earth Star!’

The fact was, Yeo-woon had never fought in any official PvP matches before, in his time playing Illusion, so he felt like he desperately needed all the practice he could get, before the next weekend would roll around.

[Earth: And I’ve even got a deal where, when I win the PVP (because let's be real: I will), I’ll get something from Strawberry Jam.]

[Earth: And theoretically, all this started because of you, so it’s only fair I now get to do what I want, right?]

[? I guess, sure]

Earth Star seemed happy with that answer, even screenshotting it and showing off the screenshot to Yeo-woon. He said he’d put it in cloud-save, so there was no way to lose it or for the message to be altered. Yeo-woon had no clue why his simple answer had caused this kind of response in Earth Star, much less why he kept telling him about it.

[Earth: If you get the 3rd job change done today, we should be able to level you up a bit more easy peasy and then we can get to farming the Couple Dungeon this week already...]

From a stranger’s perspective, Earth Star looked like the type of person who lived his life without any plan whatsoever, just going from random impulse to random other impulse, but behind the scenes, he seemed to actually plan a lot of things about how best to play the game. Yeo-woon had taken to mindlessly going wherever Earth Star lead them and completing any quests he pointed him towards and just like that, he was leveling up faster than ever before.

[Earth: When you gonna be on today?]

“Oh, today...”

It’d be hard to find time today. Yeo-woon was out, looking at different potential apartments he could rent, in an effort to find a place closer to his new work. He’d planned to get home very late at night and just claim his daily rewards before going to bed, but confronted with Earth Star’s enthusiasm, he felt like maybe he should get back a little earlier than that.

[I’ve got some stuff to take care of, so I’ll be out until evening.]

[Earth: When exactly?]

Yeo-woon thought through his plans for the day. He condensed them as tight as he could and then added how long it’d take to get back home and finally, he typed the point in time all of that left him with, thinking it seemed vaguely doable.

[8? Probably?]

[Earth: Hmm...]

Earth Star only sent that non-answer and then disappeared. Probably back to gaming, Yeo-woon assumed, or whatever else Earth Star did in his free time. Anyway, no point in texting him further, if he was satisfied with Yeo-woon’s answer.

Seon-yong: Lee Yeo-woon, I got stuck in traffic and there’s no way I’ll get to you on time.

Seon-yong: Just keep waiting, go sit around for another half an hour or so

- Only if you go screw yourself first ^^

Seon-yong: ;; I’m coming to give him a free ride and he treats me like this, what a friend... So, you gonna wait? And write a real answer, not just a letter

- Ok~!

Seon-yong: And now with the gratefulness I deserve

- 👍~!♡

Seon-yong: A full-on maniac, I swear...

‘If anyone else could see this, they’d run to defend you, all because of some ride. But tell me, who’s the one paying for your lunch and dinner today, huh?’

Yeo-woon huffed a quiet laugh as he washed his hands. Then he sat on the cabinet in his hallway that he kept his shoes in and boredly looked through mail he’d already looked through. That’s when a new thought snuck up on him.

��But wait, Cat is a student and that’s why he can’t be online in the morning. But Earth Star is still a student too, just in college, right? So why is he logged in at random times, like he’s got no lectures at all?’

Thankfully, that’s when his phone chimed, distracting him enough that he forgot about all that again, because Seonyong had arrived and it was time to go check out some apartments.

(Next Part)

[x3rrorx]

Are you okay?

Overall and not picking sides, this is one big mess. Started from nonsense I'm sure and escalated quickly 🥴 Tit for tat bs and hypocrisy for sure. But at the end of the day you're a human being and don't deserve to have su h personal things shared either. They've done it and it's not right and then again fighting fire with fire gets you burned. That's on both parts

Where as the momo chick is concerned, I must agree that sharing her Facebook with her daughter as her cover was a little much (I know you tried to crop her out...as a mom that's still a scary concept). Otherwise, she's no better than others.

This is all at the end of the day petty stuff which makes the Fandom look bad and overall shows true colors for sure! (I hope this makes sense, I tend to ramble).

But definitely a case of trying to get close to noah (the set of girls) , someone not fully over their ex, and then the person tying to "help" but also kinda being a mess.

Idk how exactly it started with Carolina, but let her dig her own grave if that be. Same with the others.

No one is worth bringing you to tears over a guy in a band :/ He's clearly seen her true colors if she's blocked and as for the others, well he knows he has obsessed fans and probably why he's off social media tbh lol

I truly hope at the end of all this mess and my rambling that you're okay ! 🙏

Not trying to come off in any way or say one person is more right than the other.

There's enough delusion is this fanbase as is tbh 😅

Try to keep your sanity 😌

I agree with you. I should have checked to make sure I cropped the photos. I did it but then I deleted the post and redid it all, the second time forgetting to crop the photos. That was my mistake and 100% my fault. I truly honest to god did not intend to have anything but their name and profile photo for each screenshot.

I never plaster anyone’s child on anything and I posted to a place that had non of the drama attached it it. But I still made a mistake. And I will 100% take that. It wasn’t intentional but it wasn’t okay. I’m not a mother but I would be livid too, just the mention of my mother had me in flames. Momo isn’t wrong for defending her child. Even if it wasn’t intentional.

I appreciate your message and I agree with everything you said. 👑

[samuraisharkie]

I’m gonna be honest I’m seeing the top gun posts and I want to reblog them but I am just. Too goddamn tired for this exceptional bullshit rn. I cannot fucking believe y’all are “fandomizing” racist military propaganda. they’re not allies. you people realize that right? i don’t care what gay subtext they put in their movies. they don’t care about you and they are actively working to erase your freedom to be who you are, and ur encouraging it bc you care more about ur fake worlds than the real one. one day ur gonna pull ur head out of the computer once and for all and go ‘this is horrible! when did it get this bad! how can we fix it?’ but it will be too fucking late for you because you willfully pushed reality away to waste time actively encouraging the destruction of people’s lives. i don’t want t see any of y’all campaigning for overseas countries or even against the police while you’re defending this sort of movie. because clearly your allyship is only words and nothing more. you don’t care about anything but your white fantasies and daydreams where you never have to worry about anyone other than yourself. if I see one of you morons talking about “acab” or how much damage america has done in Iran and Palestine, I’m going to make it my life goal to make you regret it, bc your words are empty. 90% of you think being queer or what have you makes you automatically immune to being bigots and that you don’t have to do shit in terms of reparations or activism, but it’s the exact opposite. you people stick your head in the sand, close your ears and scream, and hold your breath until you pass out instead of confront the fact that some media is made only for the purpose of propaganda and harm of marginalized peoples, no matter how many queer couples are in it. like top gun, like first kill, like our flag means death, like the umbrella academy, and so on. you people are the reason why our oppressors are bolder than ever. you will walk willingly into their open maw and shut down all those trying to stop you, and you’ll make sure you take as many down with you as possible. I can’t wish enough suffering upon you for the betrayal you lay on those trying to stop the destruction, because unlike you, instead of shrugging our shoulders and going ‘eh, the world is on fire anyways, I’m looking out for number one’, there are those who care about the world and the people in it, the world that makes it possible for you to continue living ignorant and selfish, who want to continue living in this world and helping others live together to because even if we can’t reverse the damage of the fire, as long as we’re still standing we can put it out and help the wounds heal. there are those of us that care about real people, not your military bigots who you only pretend to hate when another gruesome massacre manages to come to the surface of the public consciousness. I’m tired of you people betraying every supposed ideal you say you fight for the moment you have the opportunity to smother yourself in more mindless and harmful indulgence. It would be one thing if you even admitted the media you consumed was harmful, but you won’t even do that. You can’t even do that. Because that would mean acknowledging the real world and the real people who are affected by your ignorance and that’s just “not fun”. I wish all of you the violent fear and pain you afford others with your willful ignorance and vitriol.

[storiesforallfandoms]

comparisons ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 2195

request?: yes!

“Can I get a Colson Baker one where you’re dating after him and Megan where you get a bunch of hate and they both defend you against the hate please”

description: when her boyfriend’s ex is one of the most beautiful actresses of this generation, she finds herself being constantly compared to her and receiving hateful messages

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, hate messages, insecurities

masterlist (one, two)

There was some sort of assumption that when you start dating someone, you immediately hate their ex. That could not be further from the truth for me and Colson. In fact, Colson’s ex-girlfriend introduced us shortly after their break up, and had constantly pushed for the two of us to get together.

Megan was basically the backbone in our friendship. She pushed me to pursue my dreams in acting (as well as helped you with that since she was so much more famous than you were when you started), then she pushed me to start auditioning for bigger roles. The moment she introduced me to Colson, I knew exactly what was coming next.

“That’s weird, Meg,” I had told her. “Isn’t there, like, a girl code about dating your best friend’s ex?”

“I’m literally shoving you onto him,” she had responded. “I think you’re fine with the girl code.”

A few months after meeting, I finally caved and asked Colson out on a date. Six months later, I was still thanking Megan for giving me that push.

Shortly after making our relationship public, however, the happiness slowly came to a stop. For me, anyways. Colson, bless his heart, was blissfully ignorant to the comments his fanbase started to send me.

“yikes, he really downgraded huh?”

“how do you go from megan fox to...that?”

“guess mgk couldn’t keep up his streak of hot girlfriends”

Hate comes with fame, I knew that. I had my fair share of hate comments ever since the start. It was easy to ignore them when they were just a handful of hate comments here and there, but this was different. This was a bombardment of hate that was so heavy I could barley go online.

Colson was oblivious for a while, until he found out I had deleted all my social media accounts.

“Did you delete your Instagram babe?” he asked the minute he got home the day I had done it.

“Yeah,” I responded, nonchalantly. “I deleted all my social media.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “I just thought it’d be better for me mentally. They say being so attached to social media is bad for you or whatever.”

“But you weren’t even addicted to social media. You just liked sharing your memories - our memories.”

I shrugged again and turned back to my cooking. I wasn’t about to tell him his fans drove me off the internet. He loved his fans, I couldn’t fuck that up for him, even if what they were saying hurt me so much.

My back was to him as I cooked, so he couldn’t see my reaction when he asked, “Is it because people were comparing you to Megan?”

I froze completely. I could feel his eyes staring into the back of my head, but I just couldn’t convince myself to turn around to face him. I knew that if I did, I’d crack. I had gone too long pretending everything was okay, keeping this secret from Colson, to finally let it slip now. I just had to throw him off of his thought process.

“Where did you get that idea?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light.

He was next to me suddenly, holding his phone up so I could see it. On the screen was a picture of me at a red carpet just below a headline that read “(Y/F/N) deletes social media accounts amid hateful comments from boyfriend Machine Gun Kelly’s fans”.

I sighed in frustration. Of course the tabloid vultures had already written articles about it. I had only done it a few hours earlier, but they always had to be the first ones to write another story about me.

“I didn’t even know I was getting hate,” I said, trying to keep up the lie even though it was pretty obvious I had been found out. “I just decided to delete my accounts, it must be a coincidence.”

“Really? Because this article says you were receiving so much hate that you couldn’t even go into the comments on your pictures or replies on your tweets without seeing a mass amount of hate from my fans.”

I turned off the stove and turned around suddenly, abandoning my cooking completely as I quickly walked out of the kitchen and towards mine and Colson’s room. I felt a lump forming in my throat, and the last thing I wanted was for Colson to see me cry.

I wasn’t shocked to hear his footsteps coming after me. I forgot how much longer his legs were than mine, so it didn’t take long for him to catch up with me and stop me before I could get too far away. He took hold of my arm and turned me around to look at him. The moment my eyes landed on his face, it felt like someone had finally broke the dam holding back my tears.

Colson pulled me in for a hug and held me tightly as I sobbed into his chest. Every ounce of overwhelming feelings I had been bottling up for months was finally starting to come out, and I realized it was long overdue when I eventually began to grow tired from my crying.

I felt Colson pick me up and bring me to his bed. My eyes were starting to grow heavy despite how much I was fighting against them to stay awake. The minute my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep, but it was obvious I had needed that rest, because when I woke up again I felt more well rested than I had in a long time.

I opened my eyes to find myself facing the window, which helped me to pinpoint that it was now nighttime as the sky was pitch black. I rolled over, expecting to find Colson asleep next to me only to find that I was alone in his bed. I was confused at first, forgetting the events that happened mere hours earlier.

I could hear a distant voice talking and was able to identify it as Colson’s. I got up from his bed and made my way towards the stairs, hearing it get louder as I stood at the top.

“I wish she would’ve told me,” he was saying. “I don’t know why she would’ve kept this a secret from me.”

“She didn’t want you upset with your fans,” came another voice. This one was distorted like it was coming from a phone. When she spoke again, I realized it was Megan’s voice. “And she’s stubborn. She was probably determined to deal with this by herself.”

“I just hate that she felt that way,” Colson sighed. “I don’t want her believing anything any of those people said to her, but I saw screenshots and fuck...they really did just bombard her with hate.”

“I know, but none of us could’ve predicted this. Your fans were so cool with us dating, I thought they’d love (Y/N) since we’re so similar.”

I sat down on the top of the stairs and peeked down enough that I could see Colson without him seeing me. He was laid out on the couch in just his sweat pants. In his hand he was holding his phone up, the other was slung over the back of his couch. I could see the guilt on his face, which broke my heart to see. I didn’t want Colson feeling guilty for something that was out of his control.

“You think what I posted will do anything?” he asked Megan.

“I don’t know. It’s hard to tell. When people want to hate, they just want to hate.”

Hearing that Colson had posted something made me curious. I felt around my pants for my phone, but realized I had probably left it in the room or downstairs somewhere. I was in too deep now to give myself away, but I really wanted to know what he had posted about the situation.

“Thanks for talking to me about this, Megan,” he said.

“Of course, Colson. Anytime.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Colson tossed his phone onto the coffee table and put his arm under his head. “Are you gonna come down babe?”

I wanted to ask how he knew I was there, but instead I stood from my spot and made my way down the stairs. When I entered the living room, Colson just looked up at me for a moment, almost expectantly. I smiled down at him and laid on top of him with my head on his chest. The arm that was over the back of the couch wrapped around me and he gently kissed the top of my head.

“How much did you hear?” he asked.

“Just the last bit,” I admitted. “Something about a post you made.”

Colson hummed, his chest vibrating underneath my ear as he did. “I wanted to address the issue, and I knew you wouldn’t let me do it if you were awake.”

“I still don’t like that you did it now,” I said, half joking. “Can I see the post?”

He moved his head to look down at me. “How do I know you’re not going to delete the post?”

“You don’t,” I responded. “You’ll just have to trust me.”

He smiled and reached over to grab his phone from the coffee table. He opened it and pulled up a post he had made on Instagram: it was your usual white background with text post you saw celebrities make from time to time.

It read:

“I love my fans so much. You guys are my EST family, and I’m so proud of this family that we have built over the last few years. However, it came to my attention today that some of you have been less than nice to my girlfriend to a point where she felt the need to delete her social media accounts. I will admit, I was oblivious to this at first as I am not one to go onto other people’s social media to read comments and replies, and (Y/N) kept this to herself instead of telling me about it. But now that I do know, I have to say I am beyond pissed. (Y/N) is the most beautiful girl I have ever met, inside and out. She is not Megan, and honestly - with all respect to Megan - I’m glad that she’s not. I love Megan as a friend, but truly that’s all she is to me. (Y/N) is my soulmate, the love of my life. These comparisons and jabs at her because she isn’t my ex are absolutely disgusting, especially coming from people who claim they love me as much as you guys do. Please learn how to treat the people in my life with love and respect, or else take my face out of your profile pictures and my name out of your usernames/bios as you are not a true fan of mine. From the bottom of my heart, fuck you to anyone that made my girlfriend feel like shit.”

I scrolled down to see the comments and saw that the top one was from Megan, and was already liked by Colson.

“(Y/N) is not my competition, nor is she my enemy. She is my friend and she has been since before Colson and I were ever together. The fact that people feel the need to pit two women against one another just because they both dated the same person is absolutely appalling to me. I’d like to emphasis Colson’s statement - fuck you to whoever hurt my friend.”

I handed Colson his phone back, not wanting to read any more. I could feel a lump in my throat again, but this one was from happiness. I felt so lucky to have two amazing people in my corner during a time that was otherwise very trying for me.

“I’m sorry I never told you,” I said as I rested against his chest again.

“You shouldn’t be sorry, (Y/N). I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“You don’t have any reason to be sorry either. You can’t control your fans.”

“Then neither of us will be sorry.”

I chuckled at this. For a moment we were both silent, the only sound being Colson’s heart beating under my ear. It was a soothing sound, and combined with his fingers tracing over my back, I was almost lulled back to sleep.

“I love you,” he mumbled against my hair.

I lifted my head to look at him. “What?”

“I said I love you.”

I was speechless. It was the first time he had seriously said those words and he had managed to shock me into silence with them.

He looked at me, his face slowly becoming concerned with my silence.

“I love you, too,” I finally managed.

A smile broke out across Colson’s face as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly to him. For the rest of the night, he would whisper those three words to me randomly, and I would whisper back my response every time.

[jimines]

Whats actually happened between you and taemaknae? I read about it on the tea blog and still confused

This is an insanely long story so I'm going to put it below the cut so for anyone interested in this absolute shit show, continue on.

Essentially, I posted these headers about a month ago:

It was a set of like 8 colours and it was the first time I had ever posted any headers or anything. The issue nic had with these, was the ripped paper bottom. Because apparently you can trademark that. I had asked a (now ex) “friend” of mine if she knew where I could find the ripped paper effect because I had seen the effect on the header of her network blog and I had been trying to find a similar thing for months and google images never gave me anything good. She ended up referring me to google images anyways and after like an hour of dedicated searching, I found this ripped paper effect and used it. This ex “friend” went on to tell another friend of mine that I had "asked where nicole gets her resources for her headers" and then screenshotted my dm as "proof", which still confuses me because I never mentioned nicole there lmao. I've seen the screenshot.

Tell me where I said nicole. It was literally just a question born from seeing the header they had on their network lmao. I feel it’s important to mention I didn’t know this person ran said network at that time, which is why i said “these people”.

This other friend then came to me and just said my headers "may be seen as similar to nic's” and said she noticed it on her own and never mentioned my other “friend” approaching her. I was confused because other than that ripped paper effect that I know many people on tumblr use, I saw no similarities. Nic's headers are usually more complex and more than just a coloured background with a little effect in it. I just wanted to make some simple headers for fun because I was bored. But, regardless, I messaged nic about it to make sure she didn't feel the same way. I told her a friend of mine was worried nic might think my headers are similar to her's and I assured her that if she found them similar I would take them down, no questions asked. Nic told me she was surprised this friend brought it up and told me that it was entirely up to me if I found the headers similar. She never once told me she felt they were the same, never mentioned anything about them, she insisted it was up to me to do as I pleased. So, since I genuinely found no similarities, I left them up.

About a week went by and things between nic and I were fine, or so I thought, based off the fact that she was interacting with my posts, sending me cute asks and replying to a lot of my comments and stuff being kind and whatnot. Then, I decided to post a small list of my creations and the series I had running at the time. 

After that, all of a sudden I got an influx of rude hate anons:

To anyone I mentioned the anons to, they agreed with me, you cannot trademark circular icons. This anon also accused me saying “just the fact that you had an anxiety attack about it proves you copied them” Like no sweetie, it’s called three strangers walked into my house and I got anxious.

Despite me not seeing the issue, I messaged nic, assuming she wouldn't care about the icons (it wasn't like I was taking her exact work and copying and pasting them as my own) and that made her very upset. When she responded to me, she was incredibly heated and gave off the vibe she was waiting for me to message her about it. 

She said things like "this has actually been bothering me for a while", "i expected you to be able to read between the lines and delete the headers", "i don't know who that anon was but clearly they recognize my style". For starters, she never told me that she was annoyed with me, she was being very kind to me publicly. And I have no idea how I was meant to “read between the lines” of what she said especially considering how kind she was to me the following days. I also never accused her of knowing this anon, she just insisted it wasn't her and she didn't know them right off the bat. She also insinuated that I copied my gifs from others as well, which ticked me off because I made my 100+ layer psd myself thank you very much. But I kept my cool, and I told her I had no idea she felt the way she did, and I told her I would delete the headers (which i did as the conversation was going on), and that I would stop posting my icons and bringing attention to them because no one ever paid it any mind before that point. And I asked her “please tell me straight up the next time you have an issue with me because I am generally pretty dumb with social cues”, I have my adhd to thank for that. And instead of replying, she just blocked me. And conveniently, the hate anons stopped dead right after we blocked each other and I haven't received any since.

Also, these are the kinds of icons I posted:

Looks pretty generic and idk, universal, right?

Then, as I've recently found out today, she was in an "anti-loverjimin" groupchat with at least 2 other bloggers. 

Which explains why this all went and fell into place. I know who the two other bloggers are because of what happened two days later but I won't name them just yet, but these two people had been "friends" with me for several months. So, a day or two after nic blocked me, all of a sudden some good friends of mine were blocking me and not talking to me when I asked what was going on. I found out soon after it was because nicole and those two now ex “friends” of mine had taken old dms I sent them and were showing them to people. And I will go into detail about them but I won't name the people they are about for privacy reasons.

Before I move on, to clarify some lies nic has been spreading about me, I never once shit talked nicole to my friends. One of these ex friends also said I was trying to get people on my side. I would have reacted to this all very very differently if that were the case. I would be dragging everyone through the fucking dirt but I don't get off on drama or micromanaging what my mutuals do. My issues are with these people, if you're still friends with them that's your decision i could not care less. So, back to it, the only thing I said about nic was that she and I had a stupid small fight over icons and that she was spreading lies about me, based off of what nic said to jordan.

That exact message, or slight variations of it, was sent to anyone I interacted with because I didn't know if nic was going to stop at jordan or try and get to everyone I fucking knew lmao. Some of the people I messaged this to told ME nic had done this kind of thing before, that she has sent hate anons, launched hate campaigns, cancelled people, etc. Over stupid shit like icons lmao.

Here are some responses I received after I mentioned nicole:

And nic or one of her friends also took it upon themselves to send anons to that tea blog to blow shit up and named everyone and made it an even bigger mess when they saw no one was actively trying to fight me after the dms got out. 

I also love that in this following ask, they named my two “friends” that were behind the whole dm drama and backstabbed me, as well as two other people I never badmouthed, that story was twisted. But we’ll get into those details shortly.

And she also told people I clout chased big blogs and only cared about notes. At one point, yes, I did care a lot about my statistics. However, never once did I think clout chasing was worth my fucking time or energy, Nic is the biggest clout chaser on this damn site and there are receipts of that, ask jordan lmao. And I couldn’t give two shits about my statistics anymore lmao, much less anxiety that way. Do I still crave validation sometimes? Sure. But it's not a driving force of my tumblr experience like it used to be.

But, moving on to the dms, the first one was sent when I first came back to tumblr full-time and didn't understand why people self reblogged things, I found the pretence of self reblogging annoying and greedy and I complained about it and it was a comment fuelled by two bloggers that i would see sr a lot on my dash. But I never thought THEY were annoying, as these people are saying I did, it was self reblogging I found annoying and as you can see I have come to understand why people sr and I do it myself too. I didn't even know these two bloggers at this time either. That dm was cropped to hide the fact that this "friend" agreed with me and hid the date as well so it seemed recent, and was sent to one of the bloggers I mentioned as an example, someone I had since become good friends with. 

I didn’t befriend one of the people I mentioned there until mid to late June. That friendship is now over thanks to this drama and all the lies. The second friend of mine they went after was never spoken about in dms, they went and turned her against me through lies and manipulation so that friendship has ended too. And while those two were doing that, nic went off to try and turn jordan against me.

There was a particular user on here that I did say some nasty things about but we weren't friends, as many people have been made to believe. I was particularly mad at this person in those dms and was hurtful, I admit, and I have since apologized and owned up to all of it to these people. I did call them fake and/or two-faced. 

And what in the gassing me up bullshit was their response though lmao. I also sent this following dm before I even talked about the issue with this person. They urged me to continue and to name drop the person, and I stupidly thought they were trustworthy.

My reasoning for what I said wasn't unwarranted though, I don't make a habit of going around shit-talking people, unless they do something to me first. I vent when I am upset and this person had sent me a passive aggressive ask and then denied sending it when I asked and I thought that was just very fake, especially since she was so kind to me in dms before the ask came in. But all of these dms were cropped too to hide timestamps and responses, and in most cases, like those screenshots prove, these "friends" either gassed me up or egged me on to continue ranting or to name the people i was mad at and they had agreed with me on several, several occasions. Turns out they were trying to get dirt on me to use in their cancel campaign. But the point is, nic has made me out to be this horrible person that befriends "big blogs" (an overrated statement) and then shit talks them behind their back without remorse. Yet it was one person I said rude things about and I, again, owned up to it all and apologized to them the first day. I would've done it sooner had I a) remembered feeling the way I did all those months ago or remembered the dms themselves or b) felt that way still after meeting them. But neither is the case.

I find it really amusing though that these people wanted things to be kept quiet and didn’t want anyone they spoke to to talk to me about it because I was going to “out them on my blog” and “make a big scene”, then they three went and made it a big fucking scene and ruined my friendships. I’m familiar with this pattern of manipulation as it has happened to me in real life before and it’s the most childish bullshit to witness.

Before this callout day for nic, I had never once been directly rude to or about her, same goes for those ex “friends” that betrayed my trust and friendship. The fact that they plotted against me in a group chat while still actively talking to me and being all buddy buddy is just disgusting. Both of them were talking to me that day at the same time they were sharing the dms and shit-talking me to my friends. But yeah, that's my side, the untwisted side, of the whole story. I tried to be mature and talk to nic and when I didn't do what she wanted me to do, she blocked me and launched the hate campaign with dms and the power of photoshop. I’ve been hesitant to make any of this public because it was meant to be a silent ordeal but I’ve grown tired of her constantly publicizing everything without consequence while I remain silent like I promised.

[lightsovermonaco]

His Good Sweater: Chapter 5

Masterlist

Shoutout to @acollectionofficsandshit for being my sounding board and beta reader! She's the absolute best a girl could ask for, thanks my love!

Word Count: 3.0k

Recommended song: "The Heart is a Muscle" by Gang of Youths

You woke before the sun, Pierre's bare chest pressed to your back and an arm slung over your middle. You wiggle in his grasp, trying to be sneaky as you turn to face him but ultimately waking him. You run a finger over his lips as they curve upwards before biting lightly. You draw back and he laughs quietly.

"Morning," You whisper, head throbbing slightly. "I feel like I got hit by a train."

"Knocking back four or five shots in a few hours will do that to you." Pierre stretches, arching his back and exposing his neck. The slight mark you left the night before had darkened into a true, unmissable bruise. The reminder of it sent a thrill down your spine, and you couldn't resist ghosting your lips over the hurt.

He sighs, cupping your chin and bringing your mouth up to his. The kiss is lazy, both of you still too ensnared by sleep to put any heat into it. 

You stayed tangled in him until Yuki called to remind Pierre they had to be at the airport by eight. You helped him pack as slowly as you could manage, a stone settling in your gut. When the time came, Pierre hadn’t wanted to leave, only relenting when Yuki called again to say the jet was waiting on him. 

The longing wasn't something that normally hit you this hard when Pierre left. It was new, the edges raw and unhealed when you poked at it. Everything on campus Tuesday reminded you of him, from the sunlight hitting the lab table to the rare cloudless blue of the London sky. 

Just when you’d gotten over the sting of his absence, the news broke. Charles sent you the link to the article, simply captioned, 'You will want to read this.'

Gasly snogs mystery girl in London bar, the headline read. And fuck, that was a grainy picture of you standing between his legs, fingers tangled in his hair. You scroll through the article, heart in your throat, praying you weren’t called out by name.

By some small miracle, whoever had taken the photos hadn’t gotten one of your face. Against your better judgement, you checked the comments.

That was where your name came up. Fans had connected the dots. Your hair had been up that night, but it was the exact same shade as the picture. Your instagram had been filled with photosets of London for months, and Pierre had flown out early before Silverstone. Clearly he had been meeting someone. Anyone with half a brain could figure out that you were the one in the photos, even if the article didn't mention you directly.

The first DM didn’t come for a few hours. It was nasty, the user hurling cruel words at you that struck your chest like tiny knives. Plenty more followed, threats and names alike. 

Gold digger.

Does she really think she deserves him?

He could do so much better.

You couldn’t bear attending classes. You sent Pierre the link to the damning article and stayed in your apartment and sobbed. The fans- if they could even be called such a thing- pulled no punches. Every DM and comment struck home, until you eventually had to turn your phone off and curl up in bed, defeated.

People are cruel, you thought, wiping the tears that streak down your cheeks. 

You kept your phone off for a few hours before you gathered the courage to check it again. You immediately uninstall any and all social media, unwilling to let it affect you further than it already had. But messages pour in, most from Pierre and a few from your brother.

Hell yeah! Was all your brother sent, along with a screenshot of the article. Your mouth twists, the memory of the comments washing over you again.

Pierre’s messages were the ones that broke you. There were close to a dozen of them, accompanied by missed calls and panicked voicemails. 

“Are you okay? Please pick up the phone, my love, I need to hear that you’re okay. I love you. Please call me back.”

The last message, time stamped from a half hour earlier, simply said, “I’m getting on a plane.”

A fresh sob wracks your body. You press a hand to your mouth, trying to silence it. God, he was so pure hearted. You knew the comments would hurt him just as much as they hurt you, if not more. He would blame himself, when in reality, it had been a mutual mistake. Either one of you should have recognized the risks of your actions. But you couldn't let him risk his career for it. You could make it through… somehow.

I’m okay, you type, hating that you had to lie. You don’t need to come to London.

I’m already in the air, He informs you, and you curse softly. He would have hell to pay upon returning to Austria, even if he had somehow convinced Tost to let him leave at the last minute.

I'll be there soon

The flight from Vienna to Heathrow was about two and a half hours, which meant you had that long to pull yourself together. You didn’t want Pierre to see you broken. You shower and change into slightly less ragged sweatpants and an oversized shirt. You grab your laptop, quickly emailing your professors to apologize for missing lecture unannounced and informing them you wouldn’t be there the rest of the week either. You'd need time to sort out your head before facing your peers.

Pierre’s knock came far too quickly. You’d barely assembled your face into a mask of resolve before the door opened. Whatever semblance of control you'd managed to construct came crashing down at the sight of him. He looks just as distraught as you, eyes red and cheeks flushed.

Before he says a word, he gathers you in his arms, tucking your head to his chest. Your lip wobbles, and when he whispers “I’m so sorry,” the tears fall in earnest. For less than a week, you’d been on top of the world with Pierre by your side. You’d gotten to enjoy the idea of being his girlfriend for six days before reality stepped in and ruined it.

You clutch at his shirt, fighting hard to piece yourself back together. Now that he was there, the dam had burst and no amount of willpower could keep the sobs back. 

Pierre sweeps you up, one arm under your knees and the other keeping you tight to him as he carries you to your bedroom. He climbs into bed, shoes and all, and keeps you in his lap as he strokes your hair. He sniffles, softly enough that you know he's trying to be strong for you.  The realization that he's crying too just makes it hurt that much more.

"I'm sorry," He whispers again and again, as if the two syllables were the only ones he remembered. You can't find your voice to tell him you don't blame him or how much his presence means. 

Instead, you press your face into the soft cotton of his sweater. He doesn't move except to stroke a calloused hand over your hair. You let his presence wash over you until your breathing turns more even and your fingers stop trembling. 

"H-how were you able to leave Austria?" Your voice shakes, but you tilt your head up to face him. He quickly wipes away the wetness on his cheeks with a sleeve.

"I just left. The only one I told was Yuki. He said he'd cover for me. I saw the comments and I couldn't think straight. I didn't want you to believe them." The look he turns on you is an apology. "When I called and it didn't even ring, I had to get to you."

"I don't think you'll be welcomed back with open arms," You point out, and he presses a tender kiss to your brow.

"They can be pissed at me all they want. I don't care. I needed to be here." You wouldn't admit it, but he was right. The fact that he'd risked everything to comfort you helped you ignore what those users had said. Nothing could ever erase the words, but Pierre’s presence dulled their impact.

“I already petitioned for the article to be removed,” Pierre says softly. “Don’t know if it’ll amount to anything, but it’s worth a shot.”

You nod and wipe your nose on your sleeve. “It’s so much worse than I imagined.” Pierre’s cheek comes to a rest atop your head, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your arm. “I get that I’m not the only one that loves you. But it’s like they don’t remember that I’m human.”

“People are bold when they're speaking to a screen instead of another person.” 

"It was so much easier before anyone knew," You say, words dipped in longing. Rumors had never swirled when you had kept your distance, you'd made sure of it. But now that the secret was out… Would your life be spent dodging threats and dealing with negativity?

He pauses, thumb stilling. “Do you… Do you want it to go back to the way things were before? When we were... friends?"

Your head whips around. “What?”

“It isn’t fair that you have to go through this because of me,” He explains. “I hate the fact that I’m the one causing you pain. The way you’re being treated is only because I live in the spotlight.”

“It’s not your fault,” You assert, placing a hand on his stubbled cheek. “Please don’t blame yourself.”

“Maybe it would be easier if we-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” You say sternly. You force him to look at you, his eyes storming like the sea. “We’ll figure it out. Our emotions got the best of us last week. We just have to be more careful, keep this behind closed doors. We don’t need to flaunt it, right? Just tell the press that you want to keep your private life private, and I’ll take a break from social media. We can figure it out.”

Pierre nodded in agreement. His voice is scratchy, like he had swallowed gravel. “Alright.”

“It’s us against the world,” You tell him, “And I couldn’t ask for a better teammate.” Your lips ghost against his in an attempt to reassure him. He returns the kiss, firmer and more confident. Your hand slips to the nape of his neck, drawing him in as your tongue glides against his lower lip. 

Last week, you’d fucked. But tonight, the sex was something else entirely. It was soft sighs and languid kisses, whispered words of adoration and promises of endless love. Above all, it was an affirmation. Pierre loved you; heart, mind, and soul. In every sense of the word. He would let nothing come between you and himself. Not his career, jealous fans, or the thousands of miles that may sometimes separate you.

Pierre offered you his heart, and you accepted it without question.

**********

The few precious hours Pierre managed to give you were enough to keep you afloat the rest of the week. The break from seemingly endless lectures helped to reset your mind and give you time to focus on yourself.

Pierre called as often as he could, and texted when he couldn’t. You filled him in on the little things you did to keep busy, like how you spent all of Sunday rearranging your tiny apartment so that your bed was as close to his in Austria as you could get it. Monday night, you fell asleep on Facetime with him as you tried and failed to write a term paper for your architectural history class. 

Pierre’s visit and subsequent calls had made you feel invincible. But the moment you walk into the lecture hall on Tuesday, everyone’s eyes are on you: the first test of your newly minted confidence. Chin held high, you meet a few of their stares and take your usual seat at the front. The moment you start to question yourself, if you're ready to face the scrutiny, your phone buzzes with a text from Pierre.

Ignore them. Remember that I love you. I’ll call you tonight.

Once again, he somehow knew exactly what you needed to hear. It amazed you that a handful of carefully selected words could grant you so much strength. But it was proof that Pierre recognized and accepted your fears and was willing to help you work through them. 

You take a breath, letting the whispers of your classmates fade until they were nothing more than a faint hum. You turn your focus on the professor as she enters, falling into your usual cadence. Easy. You could ignore the gossip until they got tired of it and left you alone. Their fascination couldn’t last more than a few days. 

You made it through the rest of your classes and walked home without incident. No one ran up to you and demanded you explain your relationship with Pierre. Your worst fears had been abated. The stress of it rolls off your shoulders when you make it to your apartment. It was already 7 o’clock, but Pierre hadn’t called yet. Seeing as Austria was an hour ahead, you weren’t sure he would hold to his earlier promise.

Your stomach growls, and you leave your bag next to your bed before heading to the kitchen. Dinner was a box of macaroni and cheese, simple but delicious. You couldn’t stop yourself from glancing at your phone every few minutes, hoping to see Pierre’s name on the screen. 

Coming to terms with the fact that you probably wouldn't be getting a call, you settle into your favorite chair and crack open your laptop. Term papers didn't write themselves, and you still had a few thousand words to write. You lost yourself in theories and articles for a few hours before your phone breaks your concentration.

You awake?

A smile splits your face. Yeah. Working on this never ending term paper.

I'll leave you to it. Love you, sleep tight.

You laugh quietly. You agree with his 'school first' mentality most of the time, but there were exceptions to every rule. You call him, heart stuttering when he answers.

"You're supposed to be writing."

"Well, nice to hear your voice too," You say playfully. "It was boring me anyway. Who wants to read twenty pages comparing Roman and Greek columns anyway?"

"I'm pretty sure your professor does," He says with a laugh that warms your bones. If only he were standing in front of you so you could feel his chest rumble beneath your fingertips. Wanting to see his face, you switch to a video call.

"I was wondering how long that would take," He teases, smile wide and welcoming. 

"I miss you," You say softly, padding to your bed. You'd accomplished enough that you could push off writing more until tomorrow. "I wish I could come to Japan this weekend."

"Me too, my love," He responds, voice tinged with longing. "It's one of the more challenging circuits on the calendar. And you've always wanted to visit Tokyo."

You weren't surprised that he remembered that silly dream of yours. "Send me something that reminds me of you." You flick off the lights before climbing under the covers, pulling them up to your chin. "Something cute and sweet."

"I fly out tomorrow night to meet Charles. I should have some extra time to do some window shopping."

"You and Charles going on a date?" You tease, propping your head on a hand. Now that you were cozy, it was hard to keep your eyes open.

He shakes his head. "He's been… helping me with the press. Tackling it all."

"Oh." The mood sours. You decide not to dwell on it, turning to humor instead. "Give him a kiss for me as a thank you."

"He would love that," Pierre laughs. Comfortable silence blankets you, broken only by Pierre humming softly. It was a song you recognize as one of his favorites; it must have been stuck in his head.

"What time do I have to wake up on Sunday?" You mumble, struggling to stay awake while he was unknowingly serenading you.

"Do you want to watch the prerace stuff?" Papers shuffle softly on the other end as he figures it out for you. "If you do, probably like 3:30. If not, the race would be at five your time, so maybe 4:30."

"That's early. You're lucky I love you enough to sacrifice my beauty sleep."

He didn't hesitate before responding. "Luckily you don't need sleep to be beautiful."

Your mouth curls in a sleepy smile. "When you say things like that, I hate the distance between us even more."

Pierre scrubs a hand over his face. "I don't have a break for another month or so."

"I know."

Silence falls again, both of you lost in your own heads.

"You should sleep," He says finally, and you nod. Your first class was only 6 hours from now. "I'll sing to you if you promise to close your eyes and try to sleep."

Despite your best efforts, you yawn. You often called him for a song when you couldn't sleep and the time difference permitted it. Just hearing his voice was soothing enough, but a song? It was heaven. "Shouldn't be hard to do." Sleep came within minutes, Pierre's soft song your lullaby.

Tagging: @flashcal @sunshinesewis

[sportyclown]

how sawamura, miyuki, yuki, and kuramochi text (friends + s/os)

will most likely do a part 2 with more boys at a later date! these got freakishly long because i am, at my core, a very mad. also might revisit as i get re-familiar with the characters, i just had this idea floating around in my head. also the way these got pro

sawamura eijun

no matter who he texts, it’s always extremely extra. not only does he always give more information than you asked for – ex. if you text him wya? he will give you a play by play of his entire route or something

 he also uses tons of emoticons. and yes I do mean emoticons, baby boy has a flip phone. ifhe does eventually get a smart phone, then this boy overuses tf out of emojis. he’s the sort of person that sees someone use a combination of emojis he likes and then tries to copy them, but uses it completely incorrectly, but its v cute.

if you send him a meme, he will respond with an unnecessary amount of hahas. 

when he’s texting his lil bae, they’re always on his mind so he ofc texts them every thought that comes to his mind! when he sees something that reminds him of you, he won’t hesitate to share it with you. 

if you have been together for a long time, then we will definitely text you words of affirmation and be very honest/blunt about how he feels about you. he’s also always sure to ask you about your day - and he seriously cares. but i still i feel like with a s/o he would prefer facetime to texting just because he likes to see you :)

overall, a very adorable texter and his enthusiasm is just as contagious when texting as it is in person. he’s kind of clueless so he doesn’t pick up on subtext. so be blunt, just like he will be with you~

kuromochi youichi

my bias might be showing here, but I feel like he is one of the most well-adjusted boys in terms of being ready for a serious relationship tbh (at least post-high school). i mean we all saw that he regularly corresponded with wakana wish that were me lmao

i think he would most often use proper capitalization, but not to the point where he uses a period after every text

would send his friends news articles about his favorite fighting games where u like gaming or not

a meme fiend in general. the sort of person who uses reaction images of people he knows. (if you’re dating, he would still have a stash of funny pics/screenshots of you on ft, but he’d ofc only use them with you <3). his convos with his friends are rarely serious

 i don’t think he’d be the type to text haha out loud, but he does use LOL on occasion. with close friends/his lil bae he might send a voice memo of him laughing hysterically if you send him something REALLY funny. ugh my annoying king <3

unlike eijun he’s the king of being perceptive / picking up subtext. 

similarly, i do think he’s pretty reliable, but for friends i feel like he might make a lil bit of a stink lmao. like lets say a friend wants him to pick something up for them, he might play like he won’t do it then miraculously shows up with the requested item. its giving tsundere vibes on the low.

with his partner: i feel like he would use emojis when he’s trying to be ~cute~. i think with a established partner he’d be pretty flirty still but he’s v much whipped for his partner so its way more mushy than it would be early in the relationship.

yes your name has hearts/stars in his phone. mans is a SAP for you

his love language is more quality time imo, so I think he values time spent with you over texting time. so a lot of your texts might be asking you to come over to hang out / get a meal or vice versa

like eijun he wants to hear about YOU, and is very supportive and good at advice when he wants to be. he can be goofy but this is how he shows you he cares/sees you as more than a friend

he’s a blushy/shy boy with his s/o esp early in the relationship, so he might be hesitant or nervous to say “i love you” or anything like that outright, but you know anyway, which just makes the times when he does outright say it that much sweeter.

miyuki kazuya

i mean it goes without saying that this man is snarky. he’s not a meme king himself but he enjoys when people send them to him and will usually play off the meme to make his own jokes.

i feel like he also likes deep-fried memes or the very abstract, post-modern memes. miyuki is good at making other people laugh, but he has a generally very-off brand humor and the things that make him cackle hardest are either at someone else’s expense (very similar to kuramochi, so they bond a lot over that) or just indiscernible without access to a huge layer of context/background

saves the reaction photos kuramochi sends him, but doesn’t usually use them. but seeing an ugly pic of eijun yelling never fails to make him grin LMAO

i think he also texts A LOT about baseball, even more so than these other baseball dummies. texts his teammates a lot of articles he reads or clips from games/cool plays. this is mostly about texts, but in terms of social media I think miyuki uses twitter/instagram the most especially for baseball related reasons, while kuramochi uses snapchat the most. 

he probably texts a lot about baseball as well, both seriously and playfully

i can see him using hahas and LOLs in equal measure, but he would also utilize the haha reaction if he had an iphone. this boy does value his wit so he would definitely have commentary about any memes or jokes he’s sent

you won’t win a joke war against him, he will definitely one-up whatever you send him with either a one-liner or another joke. how tf does he do it?

definitely ignores people/conversations if he really wants to - but ofc he never does that to his BAE

if miyuki give you a dry one-line response...he’s not interested at all or he’s feeling frustrated about something else. but when he’s really happy? he will text his friends all the time and spam them! i see him as someone who enjoys texting when he has the attention span/state of mind for it. and when he’s texting his s/o his texting gets even more ~flavorful~

wit his lil bae: i don’t think miyuki would switch it up much w his s/o. is probably even more teasing with you over text than he is with his friends, which is saying something.

like talking with you just by nature of you being his partner. prob prefers texts to facetime because text kinda allows for maximum snark

he LIVES for you guys’ witty back and forth 

if he’s traveling for work or something, will definitely relish in you guys binge texting a tv show or something but just making funny commentary (or he’ll just send you funny commentary to get a reaction)

 he can dish it and he’s also not a super sensitive guy so he can take it tenfold from you as well. nothing y’all wouldn’t be used to when talking in person!

sometimes when texting him you’ll want to beat his a*s because he can be so cheeky but its endearing in a way. he definitely adds emojis to the end of his more annoying messages to give it that loveable vibe (and it works ofc, we love u miyuki)

he’s kinda clingy on the low so i think he’d prefer a partner that’s more open with their affection via text than he is. he would live for your random ilys or whatver throughout the day. also would not mind at all if you updated him on your actions throughout the day or sent him snaps - might not be able to respond to everything, but will react and appreciate it. very likely to make jokes about whatever you’re doing.

would also apologize over text. he’s not always used to apologizing can be awkward about it, so text makes it easier for him.

he would use emojis w you in a joking/ironic way. would absolute use those dumb but genius emoji combinations

yuki tetsuya

i’m literally cracking up thinking about texting him. he is one of my ultimate baes but im sorry i just know he texts dry asf. but its part of his charm!

has a flip phone. either never upgrades or gets the chunkiest most basic android if he is forced to

the thing is this man thinks that he is infusing all his texts with, like, tajin level seasoning, when in reality its pepper

uses punctuation. always. exclamation marks are used sparingly to express excitement.

but i can’t get the image out of my head of an upset tetsuya texting you a simple angry emoji (or the angry emoticon >:( LOL) if he’s reeeeeeally mad. but its v cute i can’t take him seriously. i just want to give him a hug <3

 but you know what he is so PASSIONATE about whatever he’s talking about that his passion bleeds into his text through sheer quantity of words and depth of thought. ultimately, all his conversations end up being extremely flavorful in terms of content. he is surprisingly good at having deep conversations over text.

he’s better at holding conversations with more extroverted personalities, truthfully.

he’s another one who sends random things to people when he thinks about them. miyuki of course gets so many texts/thoughts about shogi. if you get a random haiku, poem, or quote from testu, that means you’re blessed enough to be in his inner circle! he definitely thought of you when he read it and and wants you to respond!

with bae: he doesn’t really change up his texting style tbh, but he has a stronger outward reaction to what YOU text in response.

definitely the type to smile almost imperceptibly at his phone as he texts you, even if you send him something like “hey i’m at the store, want anything?”

he’s not great as verbal affection early in the relationship, so you’ll have to discern his love/affection. however baby boy is NOT afraid to just straight up say he loves you, he does it all the time and early.

he’s KNOWN for being reliable and responsible, so he will be at your beck and call when he’s able to for anything you need, but his heart is also warmed by the thought of you reciprocating that care. if your texts show him you’re thinking of him just like he does too. he’s very gentle and sweet, and checks up on you when he’s able to see if you need anything at all.

he might be reliable, but that doesn’t mean that he’s the quickest guy to respond to texts. he’s a busy guy, and he doesn’t think about his phone all the time, but he will always get back to you (bae does not play when it comes to completing things).

if they came up with a shogi game for gamepidgeon and tetsu had an iphone, your phone probably would be spammed with requests for games lol.

this is my first time doing headcanons like this so please let me know what you think or give me tips on how to improve! I really enjoying thinking about it so I hope to do more in the future <3

[satendou]

⟼  roundabout

 next: full circle | ½

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ pairing: osamu/reader

⇢ au: aged up!au

⇢ summary:  osamu leaves you and learns the hard way how much you meant to him

⇥  masterlist

⇢ warnings: angst, breakups, cheating

⇢ word count: 5794

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ a/n: :)

“You’re telling me,” you said, leaning back against the counter as you stared at Osamu, “that you’re breaking up with me so you can get back with your ex? That’s the gist of this right?”

He looked off to the side, crossing his arms in front of him before nodding. Coward.

From the outside, anyone would think this was just another casual conversation. Dinner simmered on the stove beside you, the smell soured in the wake of his words.

“Look, ’m sorry. I didn’t mean--” he started, still inspecting the floor as if he were expecting it to offer support as he broke your heart, but you snorted, stopping him.

“You know, I don’t really think I wanna hear this. I mean, you didn’t mean to hurt me? Is that it? Miya, you can’t break up with someone for your fucking ex and expect it not to hurt,” you said, and the amusement in your voice shook him.

His usually lazy brown eyes were wide as he watched you turn your back to him, stirring the food before it burnt. You weren’t reacting the way he had thought you would, but then he supposed he hadn’t known what to expect when he came in planning to break up with you. He was ashamed to admit a part of him had hoped for tears, with you begging him to stay. Annoying him would have made it made it so much easier to walk out the door.

But your quiet acceptance was a blow he hadn’t prepared for, and it made him feel even scummier for doing it to you.

And he deserved that.

“You can get your stuff out, if you’re ready,” you said, turning the burner off. Covering it with a lid, you moved the pan off the coils and pulled out your phone, checking the time. Your best friend should have been home by then, and you texted her to tell her that you would be coming by. “I’ll leave for a while. I don’t wanna see you when I get home, so make sure you’re gone.”

The tightness in your chest increased as you slid your shoes on. It had only been thirty minutes since you got home and now you were leaving again. You refused to cry in front of him-- he didn’t deserve that from you.

There was a petty voice inside of him, itching to pick a fight as you gathered up your wallet and keys, hand on the doorknob before turning back to him. His chest felt like it was on fire, hands balled into fists at his side as he stood in the living room watching you. The way you acted so callously made him wonder if you even cared.

“You can leave your key on the table,” you said, gesturing vaguely towards the coffee table. 

And then you were turning the doorknob and Osamu took a step forward, heart hammering as a question tumbled out of his mouth. It wasn’t a fair question and it was selfish, he knew that, but your coldness was killing him and he had to know.

“You don’t seem to care, _____. Did you even love me?”

Your laugh was cold and empty and the tears stung your eyes against your will, and when you turned back to look at him he finally saw the agony in your eyes. 

“Of course I did. Did you?”

And just like that the door closed on him, on you, and on your relationship.

You hadn’t heard from him since that, so why was his name lighting up the notifications on your phone? You pondered that question as you stirred your coffee, trying to ignore the sting of hope in your chest as you read his text. It was...strange, like he was dancing around something under the pretense of being polite.

‘Hey, I know you probably don’t wanna hear from me but Atsumu mentioned you got that promotion at work, so I just wanted to congratulate you. I know how hard you worked for it.’

It was stiff and polite, all proper grammar and punctuation, so unlike how he usually was-- or rather-- how he used to text you. You quirked a brow, wondering what he would care for anyway.

Screenshotting it, you sent it to Atsumu and to your best friend, both with a thinking emoji.

Atsumu responded with a shrug, but you knew he knew more than he was letting on. He was clearly trying to keep something from you, but you ignored the urge to pester him about it. You were still trying to heal from the breakup and getting involved in Osamu’s business would do nothing to help.

Miyu, on the other hand, sent several unfriendly emojis and a particularly violent meme, asking what the hell his problem was, and you smiled. Turning back to the window, you set your phone down on the table and sipped your drink, enjoying the cloudless summer day.

--

Osamu looked at his phone for the umpteenth time as he sat across from Kana, who was buried in her own phone while she giggled, before locking it and setting it down on the table. He turned to watch the people bustle up and down the street, trying to ignore the dashed hope sitting like a rock in his gut.

--

The next text came a few days later while you were lounging in the tub, waiting for Miyu and your other friend Hanaka to show up for a girl’s night. They had been a source of immeasurable comfort over the last few months and you were beyond grateful.

Your phone dinged and you picked it up, expecting to see an arrival text, but once again Osamu’s name flashed, causing you to frown.

It was an apology text this time, for his previous text, and you opened it to read it in full.

‘Hey, I’m sorry about the other day. I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to message you. I’m the last person you want to hear from, and I know that, but you deserved that promotion. I hope you have a good night.’

Same stiff and formal text, and you pursed your lips before locking it again. You really should have just blocked his number but, even as your finger hovered over the button, you couldn’t bring yourself too. The irrational part of your brain liked that he was still thinking about you and the petty part just liked leaving him on read.

Later, when you were out of the tub and Hana was in the middle of painting your toenails, you brought it up, showing them the message.

“Trouble in paradise?” Hanaka snickered, carefully laying a french tip across your toe. 

Miyu, on the other hand, snorted, glaring at the text on your screen. “Serves him right. We all knew Kana was a terrible person. I bet she’s cheating on him now and that’s why he’s texting you again.”

That thought made you frown, and Hana spoke up as she set your foot down on the floor again. “It isn’t your fault, _____. He made his decision, he has to live with it. I guess you should just consider yourself lucky that he broke it off with you before he did anything with her. I’ll give him credit for that.”

Miyu blew on her nails, her tone softer as she said, “Yeah, but he’s still an idiot. But I know that look, _____. You should be careful. Is he gonna run back to you and then leave you again the minute Kana begs him to come back?”

You had been hovering over the keyboard in his messages, considering a reply, but her words struck a chord in you and instead you locked your phone, muting it and putting the messages-- and Osamu-- out of your mind for the rest of the night.

--

Osamu sighed as he watched Kana getting ready to go out. She wandered around the bedroom in a sequined dress and heels, her hair done up and makeup applied, just hunting for her wallet.

She let out a triumphant noise when she located it and turned to look at Osamu, giving him a coy smile. “Bye, ‘Samu. Love you, don’t wait up.”

He hadn’t been invited out that night, and he checked his phone again, discovering a text from Atsumu inviting him to dinner with the Jackals, and he grabbed his jacket with a sigh.

You had left him on read again that night.

--

At work a few weeks later, you received a text from Atsumu, asking if you had decided if you were going to go to a party they were throwing in celebration of several people getting signed onto the national volleyball team. It was that weekend and you had yet to decide, knowing that Osamu and Kana were going to be there.

Hana peered over your shoulder at the text and hummed. “I...kinda think you should go. You shouldn’t distance yourself from the rest of them because of him. They’re your friends too.”

She was right. Of course she was right. They had been supportive of you after the breakup as well, with Sakusa even texting you-- because Atsumu and Bokuto told him to, of course-- that he didn’t want you to “leave the friend group” because of Osamu.

You sucked your lip between your teeth, nibbling the skin as you thought about it. As if you hadn’t been doing that for days anyway, mulling over the pros and cons of going but never reaching a solid decision. Ultimately, you locked your phone after telling him you would have a decision by the end of the night. It was the best you could do, and Hana returned to her own desk shortly after that.

You were in the middle of eating dinner when you received your third text from Osamu and read it with a mouthful of noodles.

‘You shouldn’t distance yourself from the others because of me. I won’t bother you, so tell Atsumu yes. He’s driving me insane.’

You couldn’t help but snicker at that, knowing Atsumu was still pissed about what happened between the two of you. He had called you not long after Osamu told him what he had done, going on a tirade about how his brother was a piece of trash and he was there if you needed to talk.

He could hear that you had been crying and his heart went out to you, but you had told him you needed to go. It had been a while before you looked at him without flinching or hanging up the phone after only a minute, and you had apologized profusely for it. But he understood-- one of the troubles with being a twin was when one was a bastard, the other got in trouble for it too.

You hadn’t held it against them when they forgave Osamu, though Atsumu assured you it was only after cold-shouldering him for a month to let him know they were not happy. None of them ever liked Kana, and had even thanked you when you seemed to revive Osamu after she left him the first time.

None of them could have guessed he would pull something like that on you, though.

Your fingers hovered over your keyboard before you finally replied with a simple thanks.

--

Osamu’s phone lit up and he glanced at it, his hands occupied with molding rice balls, and he almost dropped it back into the bowl when he actually saw your name on his phone.

It was only one word, but something in him eased when he saw it.

He smiled as the screen shut off again, then it fell as he remembered he was going to the party with Kana.

--

The evening of the party, you met up with Hanaka and Yuki outside the club. The team had gone to extremes, renting out a whole club for the party. The music was thumping when you got inside and with the lights down low, you could hardly make out anyone inside.

Yet somehow, Bokuto was still able to pick you out, calling your name loudly over the low beats and pushing his way through the crowd to pick you up in a strong hug. Hana and Miyu smacked his arms as he wrapped them up as well, then you were being led towards the open bar along the wall.

“I’m so glad you came, _____,” Atsumu yelled when he saw you with Bokuto. He was quick to pull you into a hug, kissing the top of your head. You could tell he had already been drinking and he was quick to fix up your favorite drinks, pushing them into your hands. “We’ve really missed you, you know?”

You had to yell to be heard over the music and gave it up after a few minutes, letting him and Bokuto guide you out onto the dancefloor. Pinned between Miyu and Hana, you let yourself get lost in the music and the sway of their bodies against yours. There were more people than you expected there and, when your drink ran out, you had to push your way through the crowd to get to the bar again.

The room was hot, the alcohol coursing through your body only serving to make you warmer. You passed Atsumu, who was wrapped around someone you had never met before. He smirked at you and you rolled your eyes.

As you made yourself a new drink, you casually looked around the club, taking in the familiar faces that you could actually make out. The flashing lights were wreaking havoc inside of your buzzed brain, everything taking on a fuzzy haze even when you tried to concentrate. 

Your heart fell from your chest down into your stomach when you caught sight of Osamu making his way towards the bar.

He was looking over his shoulder at something and froze when he turned back around, locking eyes with you. His lips parted and you could see the surprise evident on his face, his lazy eyes widening a little more as his steps quickened. 

Then he stopped. His whole demeanor changed, his eyes darkening as a frown marred his handsome features. You knew him well enough to recognize the guilt etched into his features, his shoulders hunching as he tried to sink in on himself. You gave him a little wave, your heart thumping in your chest.

In the weeks after the breakup, you had locked all the photos of him in a vault app and let Hanaka put the passcode on it to keep you out of it. When she asked why you didn’t just delete them, you expressed a hope that one day you would be able to look back on them without hurting, and you would know then that you were healed. She seemed to understand and her nails tapped the screen of your phone as she input a password.

Not seeing his face and not thinking about him had obviously dulled your memories because the sight of him felt like a punch to the gut. 

If you thought he was surprised before, it was nothing compared to how he looked when you actually waved at him. Your heart was pounding, blaming the alcohol on your reaction. If you expected him to take that as permission to approach, you weren’t sure if you were relieved or upset that he didn’t.

He hovered in the space between you, looking between you, the bar, and the crowd. Your anxiety eased the longer it remained between you, relief overwhelming the unwanted hope that bubbled in your stomach. Clearly he meant it when he said he wouldn’t bother you, and you gave him another small wave before disappearing into the crowd with your drink.

He watched you go with a forlorn expression, guilt eating at his insides all over again, but he was happy that you seemed well enough. You had acknowledged him, which was the last thing he had expected after the cold goodbye you left him with that night.

“Osamu,” a voice said from behind him, and he turned to look at Kana behind him. She was stunning as usual, her hand warm on his arm. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head in answer, glancing at where you had disappeared amidst the gyrating bodies. If Kana knew that you were here and that Osamu had seen you, she would get extremely pissy and jealous, which was the last thing he felt like dealing with. On top of that, he knew that Kana would go out of her way to find you. She was spiteful like that, even though you had done nothing to either one of them.

“Nothin’, babe. Just got a little dizzy. I’ll get yer drink, just go back to the table,” he said, pulling his arm from her grasp. If she noticed how cold he was, she said nothing about it as she returned to the group-- of her friends.

None of his friends had joined them and, since you were in the middle of them, he couldn’t either. As much as he wanted to be with them, he would keep his promise to you, keeping out of your way to let you have fun.

With one last glance around, he returned to his table to find Kana and most of the others gone. The ones that were left kept glancing from him to the dancefloor and whispering.

He sighed and picked up the drink, downing it on one long breath before falling back against the booth seat. Staring into his now empty glass, he wondered about all the choices he made up until then.

--

You woke up the next morning with a wicked hangover, the room still spinning even after several hours of sleep. Rolling over to pick up your phone, you found there were a dozen text messages from the others, the group chat blown up with praise from the party and complaints about their hangovers that morning, but that wasn’t what caught your attention.

There were a series of texts from Osamu and your eyebrows raised higher and higher as you read them, your heart hammering away in your chest.

‘i know i keep texting u nf i don’t jnoq wh y’ ‘u look e d goo tonogjt’ ‘it’s funny’ ‘i thin kksna is cheating on m e’ ‘not that u shuld care right’ ‘atymi thunks im an idipt anf he’s right’

‘i miss you’

The timestamps between the first five and the last one was almost an hour’s difference and you were just starting to process them when another text slid in. It was short, just one word, but it spoke volumes in the emptiness of your bedroom.

‘sorry’

You stared at it for a while longer, just processing everything you were feeling. There was a raging pain where your heart beat, threatening to come out of your chest every time it hit your ribs. You couldn’t think clearly, too many thoughts swirling, making your head throb in time with your heart. What had you done to deserve any of the things that had happened, were still happening to you?

You should’ve just blocked his stupid number because you wouldn’t be dealing with the confusing pain his drunken messages brought. A part of you wanted to believe him-- a part you considered stupid but were unable to ignore. The Osamu you had known, had loved-- still loved, much as you wanted to deny it-- seemed to come out in those texts, and that was a dangerous thing.

Groaning, you rolled over onto your back, reading over the texts again. You were balancing on a tightrope of emotions, dangerously close to giving into the desire to reply.

The typing bubbles showed up again, stopping and starting and stopping again for almost a minute. You held your breath, wondering what he was typing.

‘i’m sorry. i keep messaging you even though i told ya i’d leave ya alone. but i can’t help it. ik what i did was stupid and whta i’m doing now is even dumber but dammit’

You locked your phone even as the bubbles popped up again to roll out of bed, hearing it ping from amidst your blankets as you stumbled towards the bathroom. Your ears were ringing, your head was throbbing, and now your heart was pounding with nerves. You dug through your medicine cabinet for aspirin, listening to your phone go off for a third time.

You couldn’t handle it, whatever he was doing or trying to do, leaving your phone on your bed as you went to the kitchen. Starting up a pot of coffee, you hovered over the sink, sitting somewhere between throwing up and not. You startled yourself when a sob ripped from between your lips.

Sinking down to the floor, you leaned back against the cabinets, wrapping your arms around your knees as you cried. Your tears spilled over your arms and ran down your legs, your nose stuffing up and running. It was several long minutes before you finally quieted, the sound of the coffee pot beeping filling the silence that followed. Your ears were ringing again as the room spun, the nausea from earlier welling up tenfold with the increase in your headache, and you ran to the bathroom.

“Goddammit,” you muttered, your sinuses on fire. After rinsing your mouth out with water, you gulped down a second glass, staring at your disheveled appearance in the mirror. “What should I do?”

You were not about to get in between whatever was going on with Osamu and Kana, but the soft spot you still harbored for him was almost too loud to ignore. Digging your phone out from your sheets, you found 2 more texts from him.

‘i know i don’t deserve your forgiveness. i don’t know what to do’ ‘i don’t know what i want from this but please’

You groaned and unlocked your phone, holding your head in your hands as you stared at the screen. Tears stung your eyes again, your mouth dry as you typed your reply back and then called Hana.

‘I’m sorry, Osamu. I can’t help you.’

--

You still didn’t block him after that. The part of you that still cared was worried for him and you wanted him to be able to reach you if he actually needed you. After making Hana promise not to tell anyone else what he had said in his texts, you talked it out, explaining the myriad of feelings that were impossible to sort out. She praised you for being strong and not giving into him, remind you he had made the decision to leave you, not the other way around.

You had cried some more before then deleted the thread of messages again, unable to stand the temptation to look at them again. Things were, for lack of a better word, fine after that. You settled back into your post-Osamu routine, trying not to dwell on his pitiful messages or be reminded of him by mundane things. Atsumu didn’t mention anything new happening, so you assumed he was still with Kana.

A month after that fiasco, he hadn’t texted you again. Some nights you laid awake, staring at your ceiling, trying to ignore the hope that he would and the temptation to message him first. Whatever Kana was or wasn’t doing to him or behind his back wasn’t your problem or your concern, and you had to keep telling yourself that as you set your phone down on the nightstand that night.

Rolling over onto your side, you stared out the window through the small gap in the curtains, a small beam of moonlight filtering through and highlighting the empty side of the bed. If you closed your eyes, you could picture Osamu there, scrolling through his phone and laughing before showing you whatever it was. He always smelled so sweet and warm, like the confections he baked at his restaurant and you reached out to touch his pillow. It no longer smelled like him after so many months and a few tears fell, soaking into your own as you recalled how he would look at you. It was always filled with so much softness and warmth before he would pull you in close, resting his chin atop your head.

You didn’t even realize you had fallen asleep until there was a loud noise from somewhere in the apartment, causing you to jerk up into a sitting position, staring blearily at your door. Your eyes stung from your earlier crying, your skin still sticky from laying on your wet pillow. You rubbed at them while another round of knocking rang through the unit.

Suddenly nervous, you tiptoed down the hall towards your front door, pausing until a voice came amidst another flurry of knocking.

“_____, please, let me in. I--I need ya.”

It was Osamu, and the whole room spun in the dark as you stood staring at the door, unable to process the whole situation. Your pulse was thundering in your ears, your fingers and toes going numb as panic shot through you.

There was more knocking, gentler this time, and then a soft thump.

You stumbled towards the door and swung it open, causing Osamu-- who had apparently let his head fall to the door-- to pitch forward, stumbling into your apartment.

“What are you doing here?” you whispered, watching him catch himself from falling. He stood up straight and ran his hands through his hair, eyes wide and frantic in the soft light from the hallway.

“I don’t know. I didn’t know where else to go-- Kana confessed to cheatin’ finally and I left and just-- ended up here,” he said, falling to the couch. You turned on the light and stood there, uncomprehending.

“You could have gone to Atsumu’s or-- or Bokuto’s or-- literally anywhere else,” you said, still standing by the lightswitch.

Osamu groaned, raking his fingers through his hair again before lacing his fingers behind his head. His face was hidden in his arms, knuckles white with tension. “I know, I know but I-- I know it’s fucked up but I wanted to see you.”

The room fell into silence again, punctuated by Osamu’s heavy breathing while you lifted a hand to your mouth, staring first at him then down at your feet.

“Osamu, please, I can’t--” you whispered, and his head snapped up to look at you.

There was agony in his eyes as he tugged at his hair, standing up. You stepped backwards and met the wall as he advanced on you, hands raising as he came to stand in front of you, cupping your face. “I know, I know it isn’t fair. But I need ya to believe how much I missed ya. I made a mistake and I don’t know if I can ever make it up to ya. But you are the best thing that’s ever happened ta me, and I know that now. I should have known before, and ‘m sorry.” Tears were spilling down your cheeks as you stared up at him, lips parted as you sniffled, and he pressed on. “I’ve been thinking about ya everyday for months. Everything Kana did, I compared to you. How she dressed, how she cooked, how she talked, I couldn’t help it--”

“Then why did you leave? Why did you cheat on me with her, if you thought so highly of me?” you whispered. His thumbs rubbed at the tears, wiping them away slower than they were falling. You sounded so confused and hurt, shrinking in on yourself as he crowded you against the wall. He didn’t care if you kicked him out and told him to never bother you again, so long as he never had to see you like that again.

His throat closed up and he just stared, taking you in. Even crying, even hurting because of him, you were beautiful. Every time he thought of you, it was the image of you walking out of the door and his life, eyes cold and devoid of the love you had once looked at him with.

“Because I’m an idiot. I know I am, I knew it the instant I let ya walk out the door. But I was too stupid, too damn prideful ta ask ya to forgive me. And I’m a selfish bastard for asking ya now, but I can’t stop thinkin’ about ya,” he whispered, his hands sliding back into your hair. He tilted your head further back, eyes dipping down to your parted lips, but refrained from the intense urge to kiss you. He couldn’t, not until you said he could. “I’ll work everyday to make ya trust me again, I swear it, _____. I’ll prove to ya I love ya, just-- please*.”

“I--” you whispered, wrapping your hands around his wrists. Did you want to push him away or pull him closer? The two sides warred with each other, causing you to just stand there in confusion as you stared up at him. His rich brown eyes were glittering, and you searched for any sign of dishonesty in them, but all you found were tears. “I don’t know, ‘Samu. What happens if Kana comes back? If she says she wants you again? How can I trust that you won’t do this to me again*?”

He was already shaking his head, black locks flouncing with the movement, his hand tightening on your cheeks. Panic warred with hope in his chest as he moved impossibly closer, pressing his body to yours as he said, “I promise, I promise, I won’t. I’m done with ‘er. I told ya, I’ve not stopped thinkin’ about ya since I left. I thought-- I thought things would change once I settled down with ‘er but-- they didn’t. Even when things were...okay, it was always you. Maybe that’s why she cheated on me, I don’t know. It doesn’ matter ta me anymore, she can do what she wants. All I want is you.”

All your thoughts were swirling and colliding inside your head, overwhelmed by everything he was saying. Osamu was begging for your forgiveness, looking at you with such raw need and hurt that you couldn’t stop hope from blooming in your chest. But you tamped it down, not yet letting it take root. You couldn’t, wouldn’t let yourself fall victim to it yet, not when you were still so unsure.

Reading the indecision in the way you looked away from him, he whispered, “I know it’ll take time, and I’m willin’ to earn ya back, I swear I am. But if ya don’t want to, I’ll understand. I’ll walk out that door right now and never bother you again.”

“You mean it? If I tell you to get out, you’ll go?” you asked, watching the pain flare up in his eyes, washing the hope away. His shoulders slumped and he nodded, his hands slipping free of your hair. The way he backed away from you, looking so lost, caused your heart to thump and you stepped forward, closing the distance again. “Osamu, I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay, please. At least for tonight, I want--”

I want to be wrapped up in your arms tonight, I want you to love me the way you did before, I want you, you thought, finally letting that hope blossom in your heart. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe you would change your mind tomorrow, maybe he would change his mind tomorrow, but right then and there it didn’t matter.

Even if it’s only one last time.

He groaned and dragged you forward, crushing you to his chest and enveloping you in his arms. The familiar smell of confections filled your nose and your legs trembled as he dragged you down the hall to the bedroom while you clung to him, hiding your face in his shirt as your heart raced. If it was a mistake to let him stay, then you were willing to pay the price come the morning, but it felt right as he fell to the bed with you.

He pulled you to his chest, pressing your nose into the column of his throat as he hid his face in your hair. It remained silent between the two of you, the only sound in the room the creaking of the ceiling fan and your quiet breathing as you processed each other’s presence.

“Will you be here in the morning?” you whispered when it grew to be too much. “If-- If she* messages you, are you going to leave?”

Your heart skipped a beat when he pulled away and stared down at you. 

He took in your pale face in the faint moonlight, features pinched and drawn, eyes bright with fear. He rolled over onto his back and pulled you forward onto his chest, arm wrapping tight around your waist to keep you there. Into the dark, he whispered, “I know ya won’t believe me right now, but I’ll be here when ya wake up. I’ll go get my stuff from her place and go stay with ‘Tsumu while I figure out how I’m goin’ ta win ya back. I won’t let ya down again, _____.”

You continued to stare through the small gap in the curtains, listening to his heart beat erratically in your ear. You wanted to believe his words, wanted to believe you would wake up in his arms tomorrow morning, and hesitantly let yourself relax. It was a gamble, you knew that, in the same way you knew that if he was gone, you would fall apart all over again.

It was a stupid risk, but as your eyes closed, you let yourself believe in him, just one more time. 

He felt your breathing even out and carded his fingers through your hair as he stared up at the ceiling, holding your head to him as his heart filled with hope. He would prove he meant it, he would earn you back, and he would never, ever* put what he had with you at risk again. Rolling back onto his side, you tried to squirm away only to be pulled back into his arms. Unwilling to let you go, he chuckled when you grumbled before curling into him once more

He sighed as his eyes closed, soaking in the warmth and letting the familiar smell of you envelop him as he fell asleep. Tomorrow you might change your mind, so he would hold you close while he could and let himself hope before it was ripped away from him for the final time.

⇥  masterlist 

⇥  taglist: @sluttony​, @visaintes​, @yunhosblackgf​, @super-noya​, @byebyes-world​, @newfriendjen​, @atsunakaashi​

[wenellyb]

hey! every now and then i've seen random posts about sebastian's comment/s on colin kap kneeling among other things, but i've never seen any source material or hard facts. do you have any posts about this or deconstruction of your own? i'd be very interested, ty!

Hey yourself😉!

So I've found the screenshot of the post (at the bottom) and just so you know he also posted an apolology but that one I couldn't find a screenshot of.

There are plenty of posts talking about this but I think most of them are old so it would take some time for me to find them.

If you want my opinion. The whole thing was f*cked up and I remember being extremely surprised and unfollowing him after that post.

And he did apologize, which is good and I do think he understands that that post was not great, but it wasn't my main issue.

When the whole story with Kaepernick happened it was a real eye opener and exposed a lot of racists even among celebrities. I'm looking at you Christopher Meloni. But not only him.

So Colin Kaepernick was to kneeling to protest against police violence and racism.

And a lot of people reacted like a lot of White people react when the topic of racism arise: deny everything and get defensive "How dare he protest blablabala" "He's so rich and he's saying White people are priviledged..." "How dare he say there is racism in this country". You know the usual.

But the thing is to me, the way he protested was the most respectful, and most peaceful way to protest and also so impactful. And some people had still a problem with it...I don't understand how ANYBODY could have a problem with it ... unless they were racist in one way or the other. That was the bar for me... I could not have respect ANYBODY who had a problem with him kneeling, because their message was clear “just sh*t up and play football”.

To me, anybody who had a problem with Colin Kaepernick taking a knee... was automatically problematic and the worst.

For other forms of protests there can always be arguments against it, lousy arguments, but arguements nevertheless: "They're blocking the streets" "There was violence during the protest",... etc... But what is your argument with having a man kneel during the National Anthem, to call out something as serious as police brutality.

To me it was clear that they just wanted Black Americans to shut up, and stay in their lane. "Sports have nothing to do with politics blablabla"

And unfortunately history proved Colin Kaepernick right, and I don't think anybody could voice bad opinions about him today, but at the time, a lot of people were criticizing him, calling him names, insulting him, and even some celebrities were talking about how disrespectful he was.

They cared more about the way he was voicing his protest, than the fact that racism was a real issue.

And because of the protests last year, I think a lot of people tend to forget about that time, but Kaepernick faced A LOT of backlash, A LOT and for what....??? Absolutely no justification. With the way some people reacted you would have thought he burned the American flag on a daily basis, or used it as toilet paper.

So having that in mind, it was really disheartening to see an actor you respect take part in that...

And just to be clear, this is my personal opinion, but I don't think Sebastian had any bad intention with that post (not like other celebrities who were outright criticizing Kaepernick, for some reason I only remember Chris Meloni lol). But the timing, and the content, even as a joke, even as a promotion tool for his movie was extremely bad. You also have to understand the context, and how there were a lot of people rooting against Kap.

Worst case scenerio Seb’s post was racist and best case scenario it was tone deaf.

I can only assume Sebastian watches the news in the US, so he must have known what the caption "take a knee" meant and still decided to post it... So maybe he wasn't ill-intentioned, but to him the topic was light enough that he could post it on his social media...

My main problem isn't even with Seb's post, it was a weird way to promote his movie, or a joke I don’t know. Artists do problematic stuff all the time, and it's up to the fans who support them to decide if they keep doing supporting him or not.

My main problem was and still is the reaction of the fandom, where White Seb stans think they know and understand racism better than anyone else. And honestly this is not me saying that Seb is racist, this is me saying that we should be allowed to voiced our opinions without being silenced or accused of trying to villainize him or cancel him blablabla .

But the Seb stans don't understand that and prefer to turn a blind eye.

I make difference between stans and fans. The Seb fans are the ones who are willing to listen, understand why some people might be offended and admit that their fav f*cked up. The stans are the annoying ones who yould rather keep their head in the sand.

And nobody is even asking to stop supporting Seb... If I cancel an actor, I will stop consuming his content, supporting him, paying to see his movies etc... But I'm not forcing anybody else to do it... But I would like to be free to voice my dislikes especially if that actor was being problematic... without the stans complaining about how "I don't know their fave"

I haven't cancelled Seb btw, I just don't feel like finding him excuses and glossing over the words and if I think that something he did was racist, I will say that it was racist, not "problematic" or "tactless" or "clumsy"...

I think that a lot of people are confused about what racism is, and think it is only White Supremacists who want to harm all non White people.

But it's not only that and in my opinion, there are many layers to racism. If you have "nothing against Blacl people" but there is a part of you that believes you or White people are better than Black people, well you are racist... If not hiw would you describe it? I have already told this story, but I have a friend who swore she wasn't racist and we even had a big debate about racism, and a few weeks later, her boyfriend told me that during a family dinner, she had talked about a common Black friend of theirs saying "She is pretty for a Black girl"... But if you ask my friend, she will say she isn't racist.

If you try to silence people calling out racism, you are contributing to it instead of fighting it.

Another example, I received a lot of "problematic" comments at work from coworkers on my hair, my origins etc, but when I talked about it to my friends and said those comments were racists.. they said that I was "overeacting" that those comments were harmless or just my colleagues being "ignorant". But one time, I was done with it and I wrote to HR about it losting all the comments I had received and the HR director called me and told me that those comments were racist full stop, he didn't try to minimize it or act like I was exagerrating.

And that's how I see the reactions of Seb stans whenever something from him re-sufaces, like my friends who just act like it is nothing.

Just so you know you are not helping when you do that.

They act as if we're suppoosed to accept that because "it's not that big of a deal". Who told you that? How do you determine what is a big deal or not? Especially when you have never dealt with racism?

Fandom behaves as if people who were hurt or offended by that post were overracting. "It was a joke" "It was a long time ago" "He would never do somthing racist"

How hard is it to say " I can see that my fave did something problematic, or that what he did was racist, and I would still like to support him but I understand that people were hirt"??? How hard is it to continue to stan your fave WITHOUT trying to silence people who call out the behavior.

And also the way they refuse to use the words is annoying... it's always "I'm sorry if anybody was offended", never "What I did/wrote was racist and I know better now". If no one wants to admit it when they do racist stuff... nobody will never get anywhere... Like my friend who is convinced that she isn't racist but goes around thinking that White Women are more beautiful than Black Women, and even says it when surrounded by her family. 

And people act like the people who were hurt have no reason to be hurt because he apologized, but I hope those people realize that it doesn’t work that way. An apology is great of course, but it doesn’t take out the hurt, or the feeling that if he was comfortable enough sharing this on social media, what is he comfortable doing in the safety of his close circle?, or remove the idea that maybe an actor you adored, and respected doesn’t view Black people struggles as a serious matter.

I personally don't hate Seb, far from it. And the reason why I have so many posts about him, calling him out or not, is that he is one of the very few White actors I'm interested in. I don't know him personally, but I enjoy his interviews with Anthony and enjoy his movies. But I'm not about to act like he is perfect like some of his stan do and also I have absolutely no issue with people who have "cancelled" him because of his past behavior, because I understand them and it's their choice, it's what works best for them... I don't want to force them to root for someone who maybe wouldn't root for us.

Last point, that I won't elaborate because I have already written way to much. There's a difference between people actively trying to be racist, and people who are racist and maybe don't realize it, or people who have prejudice but are working on it...

I hate it when White people act like the worst thing in the world is being accused of racism when the actual worst thing in the world is being racist. Because it shifts the conversation from... "Oh how can I improve myself and stop this racist thing I'm doing, or how can I work on this prejudice I have?" to "How dare you call me racist!!! I would never" all the while they continue doing the racist thing they do.

TL:DR: His Instagram post was f*cked up, and he apologized. And it's up to each person to decide if they still want to support him or not, but it would be great if thise who still support him stopped pretending that those whose don't are overreacting or had no reason of being offended.

[dandylion240]

All of the story asks please :) (Character specific ones I'd say up to you, but would love to have them be Jonah/Cecil or my usual favorites ;) )

what’s the last screenshot you’ve taken for your story?

2. describe your story in three words or less

Family, Angst, Drama

3. describe (insert character here) in three words or less

Jonah - unassuming, brave sensitive

Cecil - insightful, supportive, caring

Evan - self-sacrificing, helpful, innocent

Jayden - protective, stubborn, active

4. how did you choose the name of your story?

I try to use titles that is kind of thematic of the story I'm writing. It takes me forever to come up with a name and sometimes the name changes multiple times before it gets posted.

5. how do you choose your characters’ names?

It depends upon the story. For my Reagan family stories (TS4) I use the parents names. It's kind of a family tradition. For instance Jonah/Ethan. All boys will start with E and the girls will start with J. In my TS3 stories I sometimes choose a theme for names and use that. Like next gen of NSQL the theme is nature.

6. how long have you been working on your story for?

Well it depends on the story. With my Reagans I started writing for them in the summer of 2019. For my TS3 legacies I started in 2014 I think.

7. whats the biggest risk you’ve taken with your story? did it pay off?

I think my biggest risk is my current story Into the Depths of Darkness. I wasn't sure I could pull it off and the story has changed from what I thought it would be and the hero of the story has changed from first conception. I'm happy that Jonah is the hero of his own story and it's given him so much character growth and he's becoming more of what I always invisioned him being. I owe a lot to @mahvaladara to how the story has progressed and the ideas she has contributed. It wouldn't be what it is without her.

8. what about your story are you proud of?

There are many things I'm proud. Mostly that I continue writing even though sometimes it feels like I'm ripping my heart out to write some of things I write about and also that I don't quit even when it's hard.

9. what about your story are you looking to improve on?

There's always things that can be improved. Writing is a process that the more you do it the more you learn and get better. I could say pictures but I'll admit the storytelling will always come first over pretty pics and sometimes I just can't find the right pose to fit. Maybe one day I'll be able to make my own poses but I'm not there yet.

10. is your story fully planned or are you still working things out? is there a definitive end?

It's a work in progress. I start writing from an outline of how I think the story should go but it's loose enough for me to rearrange things or remove/add things to it as the story evolves.

11. why have you decided to tell this story? are there any messages or meanings within it?

I just like to write. If there's any message in my stories it's that family is important and no matter awful things you might face in life if you have people who love and care for you that you can endure it. But mostly that you can rise above your circumstances and still be a healthy, functioning person despite everything even if you have a mental or health problems, you can still be happy, loved.

12. do you actually play the game or do you just use it as a storytelling medium?

It's mostly a storytelling medium for me. I do play it sometimes but tbh though TS4 lacks so much depth and gameplay I find it boring after a while. I've gotten into playing TS3 again now that I have a better computer that it doesn't lag as much.

13. from basic planning to a finished post, how long does that take you?

I don't honestly know. I've never stopped to consider how long it takes.

14. do you have any regrets about your story so far? if you could go back in time, how would you fix these?

No I don't think I have any real regrets. Sure I go back and think I could have written that better or edited that picture more but for the most part I'm happy with my stories.

15. what have been the highlights of creating your story?

The highlights have always been the people who become involved in my characters lives.

16. what about the process do you enjoy?

Seeing my stories come to life. How my characters change as the story progresses.

17. what about the process do you hate?

When I struggle to write a scene and it doesn't flow the way it should. It's generally because I'm coming at it wrong. Once I figure that out than it flows. Sometimes the seeming lack of interest in what I write from the readers is hard to overcome and I feel like quitting. But the few who comment I thank because that always revs up my motivation to continue.

18. choose a song that reminds you of your story

Just one song....that's really difficult say. There are so many songs out that fit my current story. This song fits Into the Depths of Darkness because where there's a lot of darkness there's still hope to be found.

19. choose a song that reminds you of (insert character here)

Ok I'll do this for Jonah - Fight Song

20. choose your favourite shot from your story so far

21. choose your least favourite shot so far

22. choose a favourite character from your story so far

Jonah is my baby. It may not show it by I love him.

23. choose your least favourite character so far

Hmm this is difficult because there were characters I created purely to be hated. Currently my least favorite is Ethan but it's not because I don't love him but it's because of his roll in the story.

24. are there any characters who remind you of yourself?

Not really. There are certain aspects of me in all my characters or people I know in them but none are an incert of myself.

25. what inspirations have you drawn on for your story?

There are so many. I draw inspiration from people around me. From movies and TV shows I watch. The books I read. Sometimes from the people I interact with on here mainly @izayoichan @mahvaladara @jenpants and @legendofsim They've let me bounce ideas off of them and their input helps me in my stories.

26. have other sim stories inspired you?

Yes they have. See above. All their stories have inspired me.

27. what genres would you describe your story as?

Modern fantasy drama??? I have no idea if that's a thing but it best describes what I write.

28. if you could reproduce your story in another medium (movie, novel, comic, etc.) what would you choose and why?

Hmm I'd say novel or maybe series. A movie would be cool too.

29. what would your story’s rating be? (G, PG, M etc.)

Hmm interesting I'd like to say its somewhere between PG-13 and mature just because of some of the topics.

30. if you were leaving simblr and had to choose another creator to continue the story for you, who would you ask?

I think either @izayoichan or @mahvaladara for my TS4 stories since they've helped me write some of them and they would keep true to the characters as they love them as much as I do.

For my TS3 stories I would say @legendofsim since for a long time our stories had been intertwined.

31. drop some random trivia about your story

Ethan was supposed to die trying to save Jonah

Caiden was supposed to have played the part of the hero instead of Jonah

Cory was going to heal Jonah's broken heart over the of Ethan.

But as they say the story changed...

32. give a light spoiler

Someone will be heartbroken at the end of the story.

33. recommend another creator’s story!

There are so many: @izayoichan @mahvaladara @nikatyler @justkeeponsimming @amuhav @legendofsim @simlit @lilyshadowwriter @wannabecatwriter

Please don't be upset if you weren't listed on here. I love everyone I follow but these are my favorites. I have others but some aren't active anymore and stuck with the ones I'm always waiting for the next installment, even if I'm behind on a few of them.

Thank you for asking!

[fantasyinvader]

Beat Binding Blade tonight

So, right off the bat I'm going to admit. I abused the arena and save states. This is a really, really hard game. And while I enjoyed it, I'm going to give three things I didn't like about it.

1)Enemy reinforcements arrive at the end of the player phase, and can attack during the enemy phase. That is unfair, especially when I assume that parking a unit on the spawn point will prevent them (It doesn't) or my healer just happens to be in the area. I like difficult games, but when I fail at something in those I want to feel like it's my fault for doing so. When I die in Bloodborne or lose a unit in Fates Conquest, I'm willing to accept it because I felt it was fair (plus I'll just restart the chapter in Conquest anyway). I could have not died if I had played a little better. This game was not fair when it did that.

2)The supports. A lot of the stuff about the characters is locked away in their supports, since this is one of the old Fire Emblems where it throws units your way because it's assuming you didn't reset the game when one died. They don't get cutscenes to be important, and with only five supports per character (barring if one dies, then any unit that had supports with gets those supports back). And even then, getting an A rank doesn't pair up any units except for Roy. So you don't get to play love doctor here, it's only really there for the stat boosts. But in the case of my boy, he needs those supports in order for his character to fully come through.

3)I can take 8 units into the final battle, and they're the only ones who get full ending cards. Everyone else just gets a single line. Kinda weak if I use someone like Fir for most of the game, but bench her at the end to give Rutget Durandal.

Even with my cheating, I still enjoyed this game. Mostly for the story. When Fire Emblem first appeared in Smash Brothers Melee, as a kid it instantly caught my attention. Roy and Marth just looked so cool with their swords and armor (true fact: My favorite design for Link is the Skyward Sword design, simply because it has chainmail under the tunic. I get it, the tunic is iconic but SS's Link just looks practical), and I preferred Roy because I though his fully-charged shield breaker hurting him was cool. I even keep a Cipher card of his in my wallet for good luck. I wanted to know what Fire Emblem was, what kind of game it was. My friend showed me a screenshot of the upcoming GBA game in Nintendo power, which I got for the following Christmas (sadly, I didn't get Sacred Stones as I got a PS2 the following year). I loved that game, but the idea that I was playing as Roy's father always was a bit of a sour point for me. It's because of that game when I got a 2DS a decade later, because I wanted to game but kept getting pulled away from my console, I eventually went back to Fire Emblem.

And, I'm going to admit, Binding Blade hurt me because I played Blazing Blade first. It really did. I mean, Hector dies early on, Lyn is presumably dead hell a lot of my old comrades probably died in this war, Eliwood's wife dies shortly after they are married while Eliwood is more useless than ever, the kid I saved in Bern becomes a genocidal maniac, and the fact that the characters of Blazing Blade kinda caused this to happen by releasing the seals on the Legendary Weapons in their own quest... It kinda bugs me that the Legendary Weapons I used in Blazing Blade are in their trap filled storage places. Like, who returned them there? And if I have characters from that game returning in Binding, I find it strange they don't comment on needing them again. But this is a case of the game trying to be a prequel to a story that wasn't written with it in mind.

But at the end of the day, one thing just kept popping up in my mind. Binding Blade is the antithesis of the Crimson Flower route from Three Houses. I know they said Genealogy of the Holy War was an inspiration, but I can't help it. I've seen so many people try to praise that said route as some sort of denouncement of the rest of the franchise. That it's about putting power in the hands of the people (it's not) instead of having some Lord be the good king. Granted, the Mandate of Heaven seems like it's a running theme of the series, so without understanding what that is I can understand why people don't grasp what that part of the message. But Binding Blade, it just hit so many things on the nose that I needed to say something.

So without further adieu, I'm just going to bring up a few points.

With Regards to Humanity

It's interesting how both Zephiel and Edelgard come at this from different angles. Sure, they both lead wars of conquest across the entire continent, and I'm guessing Zeph didn't tell his troops what he was planning on doing once he won so there's likely a level of deception going on there as well. He really doesn't care for his fellow man, and the game goes out of it's way to show us why. Hatred, greed, or even selling out your people in the name of self-preservation. The game doesn't shy away from showing us any of this, saying that it's wrong and thus why Roy has to kick some guy's arse. Zephiel knows this, but in Edelgard's case? She's out there fighting for absolute power, destroying anyone who won't bend the knee to her while those who do out of self-preservation like House Gloucester are rewarded for it.

In essence, Edelgard is everything Zephiel saw wrong with the human race, she is why he felt we needed to go extinct. The very things he condemns humanity for are the things she reward. Zephiel would have actually handed over power to those he felt deserved it if he had won, whereas Edelgard is demonstrably shown to hold onto power until near the end of her life. One wants humanity dead, the other wants all the dragons. They even oppose each other in their classes. Edelgard is based on the red emperor archetype, she wears red, her class is the heavily-armored Emperor and her weapon of choice is an axe. Zephiel is a king, armoed but wearing purple and he uses a sword in battle.

Even if they both have screwed up history with their family's due to their father's inability to keep it in his pants, they're both presented as villains despite being ideologically opposed which goes to show with Fire Emblem the method IS the message.

Ancient Wars, Super Powered Weapons and Lies.

War of Heroes vs. The Scouring. The former is an event where the full details are shrouded in mystery, up to the player to piece together the clues and figure out the truth for themselves...or in Crimson Flower's case, ignore the truth and act out in your ignorance.With Binding Blade though, when the truth starts coming out, it hits hard. I mean, right from the beginning of the game we're told man was the one who broke the peace by attacking the dragons, but then we learn that those legendary weapons messed up the environment, resulting in dragons needing to use human forms only to be slaughtered by man. Dragons were blamed for the environment, the people who used those weapons were revered as heroes. We don't know why mankind launched their attack, but we do know that they weren't able to slay the Demon Dragon, one who had her soul destroyed in order to control her, because the Heroes felt sorry for her. It's making dragons out to be the victims here, much like the dragons in Three Houses. But Crimson Flower only serves to demonize them, acting like they can't understand humanity when the dragons in that game are a lot closer to humans emotionally than the ancient dragons in Elibe.

The Elites in comparison weren't heroes, and that lie has been confirmed as Rhea trying to make peace.

The good ending for Binding Blade is being able to save the dragon whose soul was destroyed, whereas Crimson Flower ends with slaying a dragon after you've spent the entire game triggering her (and is the ending that leads to oppressive rule under Edelgard, in addition to the only ending without sunlight. What? You thought you'd get the good ending when her final boss theme was playing on the last stage?). Also, you need all the Legendary weapons in order to unlock the final stages, which all play into the big mystery. Crimson Flower requires the player to not understand that the world-building was done to support fighting against Edelgard instead.

Merits of a leader

Let's not beat around the bush here, Roy will not carry you through Binding Blade. His bases are low, and while he has good growths he is unable to promote until the very end of the game. Even then, you need to save the Binding Blade's usage to ensure you get the good ending. Roy is also very unsure of himself, thrust into a position of leadership despite his young age. But look at what happens when he succeeds, he manages to overcome the odds and take down the mightiest army on the continent. At the end of the game, he's shown himself as more than capable of leading. Not to mention, he also believes that humans and dragons can live together, even seeing this in Acadia (and if Ninian was his mother, he's unknowingly proof of this as he is 1/4 dragon himself. May explain his poor bases). If he marries Liliana, he even becomes a King for likely much of the same reason Byleth does in SS/VW (most leaders are dead following the war, plus combining his territory with Ostia which had already taken over Lyn's land after she abdicated/married Hector). Roy learns the truth as already established.

Compare this to Crimson Flower Byleth. Byleth leads the Black Eagle Strike Force, but credit for it goes to Edelgard. Byleth never gets any recognition for this, no position of authority despite proving themselves, instead that goes to Caspar Jenkins of all people, and ends the war continuing to fight TWSITD from the shadows to support Edelgard's regime. And if you read between the lines, Edelgard is NOT a good leader, resorting to bribes, threats, cronyism, secret police, propaganda, and even TWSITD's support and later stolen tech in order to maintain her rule. Byleth lost whatever emotional development they got from White Clouds during this route, once again becoming the Ashen Demon, and is even willing to let themselves die if they can't keep their “humanity” in check showing a distaste for their own draconic heritage (showing humans and dragons can't live together in this timeline). They didn't grow into being a leader, they devolved into being Edelgard's unthinking muscle. Byleth never learns the truth in this route, falling for Edelgard's manipulations resulting in them losing Enlightened One/Nirvana status.

Not to mention, Heroes Relics have really low weapon levels. In theory, they can be used by anyone but only safely by those with Crests and most fully with a matching Crest. Legendary Weapons, on the other hand, can be used by anyone with an S rank in their type. Your characters have to EARN the right to use those things and you'll need them to deal with all the Manaketes during the final level, whereas Relics aren't exactly that level of broken.

Honestly, seeing the ending of Binding Blade and Idunn recovering put at least one tear in my eye. Crimson Flower's just made me feel like the game was calling me an idiot (which considering the Nirvana/Enlightenment thing, it kinda was). I would love if Binding Blade got the Echoes treatment, or even if they just did a GBA collection for the Switch. But after all these years, one thing is as certain now as it was when I was a kid.

In this house, ROY'S OUR BOY!

[kkeidawrites]

Castlevania spoilers!!!! If you don’t want to know how the show ends in season 4 please refrain from reading the rest of this post because I’m not holding back! Also I’m writing this as I watched so, this is my raw review!

Okay, so first off I want to say personally, I loved how season 4 brought heat to the finale of the show. Although I’m sad as hell that this is the last season for a great show.

Episode 1: Murder Wakes It Up- I thought that it was cool to see Trevor and Sypha fighting again after what happened in S3, obviously they are tired from the long four week journey of fighting night creatures, skeleton zombies, vampires from different countries, etc. but clearly the end game is that humans and vampires alike are working together to bring back Dracula. Like seriously, y’all might not know this but I hate, HATE when children become involved in stupid shit like human sacrifices like I can’t. Not the children. Please, not the babies. Sypha complaining she’s becoming like Trevor, and she’s so cute when she curses lol. Then when they arrive in Targoviste we have some new faces as potential enemies. I thought they were lame honestly lol I couldn’t take Barney-Larney whatever his dumbass was; he was mad annoying.

Then they shift over to Alucard…I have never seen a more broken beautiful drunk man in all my life. Like I had S3 flashbacks. He’s asked for help from a messenger who ended up dying on the way to the castle but his horse made sure he continued the journey and Alucard received the message for help in Danesti. Alucard fights with the horse, I thought that was funny. He was thoughtful enough to bury the rider, that was very sweet of him.

Also, shirtless Alucard will be engraved in my mind for life. Whew, chile that’s one fine man. He’s beginning to talk like Belmont and I can’t help how hilarious that is.

Episode 2: Having the World: Quite honestly this episode to me was meh. Hector talking with Lenore about how he needs this and that to create his hammer to continue forgemastering then Lenore talks with Carmilla and the white haired bat talks about how she is going to rule the world and what not, clearly losing her sanity.

Then it shifts over to Trevor and Sypha and they are fighting in a barn and new character Zamfir. Her character for me was also meh, but it’s nice to see more PoC in the show.

Episode 3: Walk Away: I liked this episode a lot. Issac altogether was nice enough to sit down and talk with a night creature and tell him/them that they were free of their original program, which was: eating humans, causing destruction, used as tools to forge masters. But man when he received that berry from Issac he realized that there is still some kind of humanity in them.

Issac is contacted by Varney to bring back Dracula but, Issac wants no business with that; he doing his own thing and seeing him being sassy again is so refreshing.

Morana and Striga scenes!!! I loved them, and then there was Striga’s day armor, man listen…I have never felt more closer to watching Berserk again than in that moment. They are hesitant to return back to Styria when Carmilla calls them, and it puts them in a bind to return home to continue through with Carmilla’s plans.

Sypha being annoyed by Zamfir was me the entire time. How you gone run a kingdom again with out a kingdom. Like girl, help the people instead of the royals, my god.

Episode 4: You Must Sacrifice: A cute little Trevor and Sypha scene. They decide to investigate Targoviste more before helping Zamfir. The scene shifts and Alucard is riding towards Danesti, donning a shield and a longer cape. Monsters are attacking the walls of the village, villagers are on the other side waiting to defend themselves. Some Castlevania popular screenshots appear here.

Then we meet Greta…Miss thang…that’s one beautiful woman okay. And she’s the chief of the village, cares for her people? Y’all I present. Her. And the fact that she is sassy too? I rock with her heavy as hell.

Saint Germain meets Alucard and I have a weird vibe coming from him. We see Saint Germain’s backstory or what little it will show us; he had a whole girlfriend, she a baddie too. Apparently she was like him? And she was the silhouette we saw in S3. Cool scene, inside the Infinite Corridor and I liked the library scene a lot too. Now he’s on a rampage trying to find access to the Infinite Corridor again to find his girl and he also wants to bring back Dracula? The fuck?

Refugees arrive at Danesti, and Saint Germain is acting very strange indeed. Like he’s desperate to go to the castle to help with the village “defenses”. Alucard agrees I guess? And he says another Belmont comment which I was happy to see again in the season.

Episode 5: Back in the World: Alucard leads Greta, Saint Germain and the villagers to his castle but, encounter a couple of night creatures on the way. Greta does Saint Germain y’all and I’m with her 100%. Alucard’s powers have definitely improved from last season. It was kind of interesting how Alucard willing told Greta what happened with him and you know who, kind of early in my opinion. Greta is bisexual?!!!! I love her 1000% now! I sense some chemistry between Greta and Alucard. I like that a lot.

Lenore really like annoys my soul, I do not like this mini bitch. I didn’t really care what Lenore and Hector talked about🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️sue me. Bruh Greta, beating that monster’s ass with just a hammer and a sword?! And Alucard impressed by it?! I’m here for it!! Some cute moments between Alucard and Greta got me gushing over here😝😝. Poor puppy😢😢. Alucard decides to “grow up” which I think is a nice step forward. Saint Germain is really making me mad.

They arrive at the castle and here goes Saint Germain acting like a fan boy, I mean who wouldn’t but you know…Greta killed me when she said the castle was ugly as hell lol. Another little cutesy scene between Alucard and Greta. Like I really like their chemistry y’all I’m sorry.

Trevor and Sypha demand that Zamfir take responsibility to help the people and I forgot what it was called but, before that they are attacked and Zamfir has something placed on her neck by a night creature.

Then Issac, he’s ready to fuck some shit up. And I’m here for it. Get em, bitch!

Episode 6: You Don’t Deserve My Blood: Carmilla’s castle is attacked by Issac’s night creatures. Lenore old punk ass running away does not surprise me in the slightest. Hector betrays Lenore and locks her in a cage. Hector has contact with Saint Germain like what? I don’t understand but, Issac comes in and it looks like Hector has given up, wanting to die honestly. Issac decides against killing him and Hector asks for his knife. This boy cuts his ring finger that the Lenore placed the ring, in front of her. That scene was meh, I thought he would get pissed at her for what she’s done to him in S3 but, I guess not.

Issac literally stole this episode, from his fight with the vampires and night creatures to Carmilla that shit was -chef’s kiss- magnifico! I loved the animation the fight scenes, yooo I was hyped the whole episode.

Morana and Striga make their decision to go their own way, living their own lives in the west so, bittersweet ending with them, I wanted to actually Striga fight the main trio but, whatever I guess.

Hector still has plans to bring back Dracula and asks Issac if he’s doing the same. Issac has other plans obviously, and tells Hector that they need to find their path in their lives. I feel Hector never knew where he was supposed to be placed in the world but Issacs words are very inspiring in my opinion. May have woke Hector’s dumbass up a bit.

Episode 7: The Great Work: Varney and the other guy, I really forgot his name found out about the catacombs and head there. Trevor and Sypha demand Zamfir take them underground, which to me I think it’s nothing there but her shit. Sypha gets mad at Zamfir and I’m with her, how you part of the royal guard when the people above need your help girl my god.

The cutest scene ever in this episode, was when the kids from Danesti wanting to play with Alucard and this boy jumps off the highest part of the castle just to show off. There should be more scenes of soft Alucard with children. Saint Germain is placing these weird stones it looks like in the castle walls. What is going on with him?

More Alucard and Greta moments please and thank you. The artwork in the castle is fucking phenomenal work. Saint Germain just gave the location to a vampire it looks like, from episode 4 maybe? He looks familiar.

There is a freaking army coming to the castle…lord Jesus. Like can they catch a break please? The kids just got settled.

Trevor and Sypha go to the catacombs and it’s just as bad as the people above grounds. New weapon acquired for Trevor, pretty dope. The king and Queen are dead and Zamfir is officially insane. She really thinks that the king and Queen will come back alive and protect their people like she’s done them. Sypha tries to talk to her, that puts her in a weird daze, Trevor is just being Trevor. Varney and his lackey, come to the catacombs looking to kill I really do not know that man’s name y’all so I apologize for not giving a damn about him lol.

The castle is about to be under siege, I’m not ready. Having a whole heart attack over here from nerves.

Episode 8: Death Magic: Varney and his partner attack the people in the catacombs, Varney is looking for a giant mirror? Why I don’t know. Poor Trevor and Sypha they are soooo tired, I feel so bad for them. Zamfir is actually not bad of a fighter, I like that. Sypha still the goat, no cap.

The castle is under attack, it’s actually nice to see how diverse the vampires are in this show, you can tell what countries their from and I think that’s dope as hell. And then every time a human dies their souls are transferred to Saint Germaine? So is this another S3 human sacrifice crap again? Omg…I’m so sick of that. Saint Germain uses the key he received from the woman in the Infinite Corridor and it creates the symbol of the corridor’s portal.

Here goes Alucard being a badass again, I never tire of him being one. Greta holding it down too is really cool, I don’t care what nobody say, she is that bitch. Her and that hammer, a force to be reckoned with.

Everyone is overwhelmed and have no choice but to evacuate to the castle, right before those doors closed Alucard nods to her to leave him out to fight and she looks at him like boy bye. Get yo ass in this castle. Greta pulling Alucard in just shows they are compatible for one another. Even the playful banter between them is cute.

The discovery of the stones in the walls leads Greta and Alucard to his childhood bedroom and they find Saint Germain where he reveals he’s opening the Infinite Corridor to bring back Dracula by using death magic. Petty Saint Germain, I do not like him bro.

They have to deal with him later though to fight off the night creatures that got into the castle. Greta still holding it down.

Trevor and the vampire guy is still fighting but, Trevor being so tired he’s slowing a bit, and honestly I don’t know how he’s still able to function at this point. Sypha shows off her powers like a G that she is and Zamfir is doing some great damage with the knives she’s got and that’s crazy how little knives can do to the body.

Did Sypha always have lightning powers? I don’t remember. If it’s new I love it! Trevor’s almost killed but a woman and child save him in time but, unfortunately Zamfir is stabbed in the stomach when the vampire moves to kill them both. I’m going to be honest I didn’t really care for Zamfir’s character she was just…there lol.

Then that scene with Sypha basically incinerating the rest of the monsters is fire!!! No pun intended lol. Varney finds the mirror and steps through it where Saint Germain is. Trevor and Sypha goes through the mirror as well but in a different location in the castle.

Episode 9: The Endings: This whole episode was literally the best of the best in any other seasons. The fight scenes, the banter, the main three…oh my God I loved it all. Noooooo, the dolls!!!!!! You bastards!!!! Trevor and Sypha’s entrance was perfect. Muah! Perfecto! The rock monsters really confused me on how they were killed but you know what who cares?

Alucard has wings?!!!!! What?!!!!!!!!! The general of the caravan have brought in the man woman thingy to Saint Germain. Death has appeared. His character design is dope af. Noooo not mom and dad!!! Nooo! Poor Alucard had to witness his parents literally in pain and of course Trevor ends it again, somehow Saint Germain redeemed himself almost?

The four vampires fighting the main trio had me running for my money. I liked the whole scene it was nice to see at least one or two vampires almost have the upper hand on the main trio.

That general vampire? His fight was wild, throwing his arm as it was about to explode and use it against Trevor was genius. And main trio…they don’t need to have a plan to fight they just work so well together that it works out in end.

Trevor vs. Death. Also was that the first time Trevor told Sypha he loved her? I can’t remember. Anyway, back to the final battle. The quality of the fight, the sheer power between both characters, and then he goes and sacrificed himself like Trevor are you deadass? You deadass died? Unacceptable. And then episode just ends.

Episode 10: It’s Been a Strange Ride: Lenore died so lame, and she was drunk as well when she died. I really won’t be missing her because she was just a character I very much disliked. Hector is finally free, little dumbass.

I wanna see what Issac is up to and Morana and Striga seems appropriate. But oh well, I hope they are happy wherever they are.

Tombstone for Trevor, it’s not real. He ain’t dead, I don’t believe that. Omg, Greta and Alucard are together?!!! Whoooooo!!! And the village kids are calling him father? Yasssssssssssss!!!!! I’m here for it. Alucard saying he’s not used to people is 100% me in public I don’t like being around a lot of people and it doesn’t help I have anxiety either. Sypha being pregnant was a given she looked a little thicker in the hips from episode one. She can’t leave…we need her. Really Castlevania creators? Y’all gone play with all our hearts? Thinking Trevor was dead and he gone pop up on a horse?

And look at this⤵️⤵️

He’s smiling, happy, soft, has a boo thang I’m….😭😭😭I’m so happy.

Y’all….all in all this was a great ending to the show…a great ending…

Oh wait…wait…wait wait wait, mom and dad are alive?!!! But how? You know what I don’t care their going to travel to England and their heart shaped embrace is everything. Oh no I’m crying again….

[wizkiddx]

Need your person

ahhh i have really no idea what i am doing. Anywayyyss this is a really angsty Harry fic, I have a part two but not sure how I feel abt it - so we will see if it ever sees the light of day x x x 

“Tom? I’m back!” Nadia declared as she heavily shut the black gloss front door of her boyfriend's place. She was wrestling with a ridiculous amount of shopping bags, that bounced against her calves before deciding to just dump them at the door- they could be dealt with later. Naturally, she’d blame the excessive haul on her friend that she’d met for lunch; Georgia almost forced her to buy all the clothes...right?

Once she had done so, she glanced around the almost still house, making her left eyebrow quirk up a bit. Since Tom and Harry returned for Toms latest filming venture their house hadn’t been quiet for a moment thereafter. With Tom, Harry, Harrison and herself and Y/n (Harry’s girlfriend) living there- fair to say there normally was at least someone messing around and causing chaos. Before she could read any more into it, Tom appeared round the corner, a small smile as he caught sight of his lovely and almost certainly shopping addicted girlfriend. 

“Hey”

“Hey” He replied back, smile tight-lipped and a very awkward atmosphere falling over the normally most easy-going couple. Nadia didn’t like it, choosing to address it straight up. 

“You gonna tell me why the weird vibe then?” Bags long since forgotten and abandoned, the couple naturally entered the sitting room- Tom landing heavily on the plush cream sofa. 

“I-er... look I know she’s one of your best friends but... well Harry’s got a pretty conclusive photo and account taken by some fan. She’s been cheating on him.” Nadia was unaware of her jaw falling slack while she stood above her boyfriend, arms folded and shaking her head slightly. 

“No Y/n wouldn’t. Come off it Tom you know too, there’s no chance.”

“I’m serious Nads. Harry’s confronting her now, shits really fucked him up.” Tom had this hard tone behind his intense gaze, something that Nadia had only seen a handful of times in their 1 yes relationship. It scared her. 

“ Nonono rewind though. Y/n wouldn’t cheat on him... she’s so in love with the boy!” Tom knew this would be tricky, especially with how close the two girls had gotten over that first lockdown and then ever since. Sometimes he questioned who the relationship was between, Nadia and Y/n seemingly just made for each other in a platonic kind of way. He sighed heavily, digging his phone out his back pocket to show her the picture, all the while watched by her intense hazel gaze. Not saying another word, Tom just held his phone out for her to take, photo on the display. 

“Swipe next to see what she says” after a short time Tom added, Nadia squinting at the phone and clearly zooming in on the blurry image. 

It did look pretty damning, Y/n and an unnamed man with his arm around her- pulling her almost flush against his chest, even at the public cafe they were seated outside. Though the image was grainy as hell, Y/n looked upset, as if he was comforting her. He, just for information, was a fairly attractive man- Tom would fairly admit. Clean-shaven, crisp white shirt on, jet black hair perfectly styled and a strongly carved face. 

That was the issue though, why Nadia’s lips parted with a silent and almost non-existent breath outwards- most getting stuck in her throat. She knew the face, briefly, from an encounter when the boys were away filming. She’d been so busy concentrating on Y/n at that moment about a month ago, it was a surprise she recognised the face at all. 

Suddenly feeling her heart drop, Nadia followed her boyfriends instructions and swiped left, revealing a screenshot of an Instagram direct message - along paragraph giving an exact recount of the day (or at least this ransomers recount). To paraphrase:

“ she just kept going ‘Harry can’t find out. I can’t tell Harry.’ She sounded upset but I just thought you should know”

The fan was obviously well-meaning but just so so wrong. Nadia gulped a little before looking up at her boyfriend, who was unconsciously tensing his jaw. He did that when he was uncomfortable or nervous and hell was he. 

“Where are they?”She muttered voice quiet which Nadia hadn’t realised till long since she’d spoken. It was just tense. 

“In the garden but we need to leave them be it’s not-“

“-FUCK” Predictably, Nads didn’t let Tom finish, already turning on her heel and rushing into the kitchen. Tom yelling something and following, but that’s not what she was concentrating on. 

Her best mate needed her. 

Even at the far end of the kitchen,  Nadia froze at the sight through the garden windows. Y/n was sat with her head in her hands, clearly crying and rocking slightly on the black wicker garden furniture set while Harry stood above. 

Harry. 

Harry was seething with rage. Nads could see him yelling at her, arms being flown round to articulate his anger furthermore. Because Harry didn’t open up easily. Because Harry was so in love with someone that apparently betrayed him so completely. When he saw that DM he just couldn’t ignore it. He’d always been self-conscious, Y/n knew that most of all. It felt like a knife was plunged and then twisted deeper into his chest. And who committed the heinous act? The person he had trusted most int he world. 

“Tom, I will explain but for now you just have to trust me.” Tearing her eye line away from Y/n’s crumpled body, which flinched with every harsh word Harry yelled- as if he were trying to get a reaction from her. Tom just looked at Nads in disbelief, arms crossed protectively and waiting for more. 

“Look…I-I know for a fact she didn’t cheat. There something you both don’t know but it’s not this at all.”

“Nadia I know your close but.-“

“I’m being very fucking serious Tom. If you trust me you have to go and get Harry away. Bloody look at him- she’s not arguing back! He’s hurting them both.”

“ He has a right to be angry.” Tom tried to counter, feeling uncomfortable with how easily Nadia brushed off such a serious and real accusation. 

“Tom for both their sakes, please...I’m begging you to help me” It was the desperation in her brown eyes. Making Tom shift from foot to foot. He was so torn but Nadia must have a reason. This isn’t just her bullshitting to protect a friend, he could see that much. As she grabbed his hands desperately, Tom already knew he was going to follow her.  And she could most definitely see it too as she minutely smiled in thanks before walking with purpose toward the back door. 

—————

You needed an out. Now. 

When Harry had first cornered you in the house with a steely gaze and asked you to have a conversation in the garden, you’d been running on adrenaline. Naturally, you thought he had somehow found out- but this? He had got it oh so wrong. But what hurt most was the fact you couldn’t say anything. You knew his heart was breaking, the fact he was screaming at you and calling you names you thought he never could even associate with you, it was only because he was so hurt. Yet at that moment, you couldn’t fathom how to explain the truth. That was the issue… the truth would hurt him too. So maybe it was easier this way, him hating you and suddenly not being apart of each other's life. Because that would still hurt him less than reality.

With that thought, your body decided to just make this even harder. What did it do you ask? Choose that exact moment to fail you again. Your thoughts all suddenly got jumbled, it felt like your brain was on some sort of rollercoaster. Brief moments of clarity when you weren’t swimming in a pool of disorientation. But to be honest, those moments when you could see the pain on his face, they hurt more than just sinking into oblivion as your body sorted folded over on itself. 

You were stuck fighting two battles neither of which you were sure you could win.

—————

It was just then, as Harry launched into another ‘how dare you betray him’ spiel that Nadia and Tom opened the door. Nadia making an immediate beeline to Y/n, holding her shoulders and trying to support her into an upwards position - leaving Tom to deal with a ball of hurt and rage that was Harry. 

“Mate you need to stop it’s not making any-“

“Fuck off Tom this is between me and her.” Harry snapped back, slapping his brother's arms off his. 

“I know but it’s not going anywhere.”

“Tom”

“Harry I’m serious give it a minute. You need to cool down” Tom urged, still slightly concerned by the rage in his brother's eyes, while Tom gently reached out to hold his shoulders. The younger man needed a bit of grounding and the contact meant Tom could half steer him toward the house.  With a quick glance of worry back to Y/n and Nadia, Tom followed Harry inside- arguing him up the stairs into his room. 

Meanwhile, Nadia was getting more and more concerned. Y/n could barely hold her body up and she was shaking. 

“Y/n what do you need um the-the finger prick thing?… What’s happening?”

“Yeh and uh…Need the... in the fridge get the oat milk and my-my bag.” It was a bit of a weird request but Nadia wasn’t going to question it and ran inside, grabbing the oat milk that seemed to rattle and then Y/n’s bag which was just in the countertop, knowing that was where she kept her finger prick test. Although this wasn’t about her either - Nadia was slightly terrified, shakily shouting for Haz who had to be somewhere in the house. 

“Okay okay, do you need my help?” Nadia spoke with trembling hands, unzipping the little pouch to reveal the red device and all its apparatus. During the month the boys had been away Nadia had seen Y/n do this a thousand times, but it still scared her at the thought. Luckily Y/n shook her head and took the device, pricking her finger then squeezing the blood onto the sensor film. While it beeped away measuring her glucose levels she smiled weakly at her friend. 

“I’m just low I think, can you get the sachets out the milk?” Because of course, Y/n was such an idiot she had hid her essential medication within a carton of oat milk, which was genius and stupid in equal measure. Genius because everybody else in the house was absolutely disgusted by oat milk being a thing so no one would ever try to make a cuppa with it; stupid because in moments like this, who was to know that the bloody oat milk carton could save her life?

“Do I need to phone an ambulance… you-you don't look good Y/n/n.”

“No” Y/n swallowed thickly, grimacing slightly at the reading that just appeared on the device - by far the lowest it had ever read since she had started having to do these stupid measurements. “If I pass out then yes but… I just need the glucose strips” Nadia nodded, still trying to prise the plastic packages out the empty oat milk container. Wordlessly Nadia finally phished one out and ripped it open immediately thrusting it into Y/n’s mouth - at least 70% certain that was what she had to do with them. 

While all this was happening Harrison wandered into the garden and looked at the scene in front of him in a bit of shock. Y/n was deathly grey, looking as though she was fighting every urge in her body to just relax everything and collapse into unconsciousness. Nadia kneeled in front of her, already working on ripping another packet open. After taking a moment or two to process what was happening Haz knelt down next to Nadia. 

“You need me to do anything?”

“I -er don’t think so… actually Y/n?? Y/N????” Nadia started violently shaking Y/n whose eyes had finally slipped shut. “Fuck shit fuck… you need to ring an ambulance Haz.”

“Your serious?”

“Deadly. I’ll explain later just get your phone… tell them she was having a hypo and now she’s unconscious. The er the number on the machine thing was 2.8”

Harrison didn’t argue; he did what he was told and an ambulance was immediately dispatched while Nadia followed instructions of the operator that had been put on speaker, still dropping the sachets of liquid down into her mouth. In fact, when they heard the ambulance pull into their road, Y/n started to stir- groaning and heavily blinking her eyes open. 

It was a bit of a blur, but the paramedics came in and slowly Y/n started to get more with it. 

“You know what happened to you love?” The kind-eyed Liverpudlian lady asked, removing the oxygen mask that was put on her as a precautionary measure, in the haze of them arriving. 

“Blood sugar low?”

“Uh-huh, you’ve just had a hypo. Are you type 1 or 2?”

“Um, I-uh…” Y/n flicked her eyes up to see Haz still stood looking very concerned while Nadia spoke to the other paramedic in hushed tones. “Neither… I got pancreatic cancer and so…so my whole pancreas is kind of dying.” Y/n could practically hear Harrison's eyes bugging out his head - but kept her eyes firmly on the blonde stout lady. She wasn’t ready to face that yet.

“Oh, lovie... you have to be really careful yeh? Hypos can turn to a coma really quick and you know what happens then.”

“I’m sorry, I uh guess I forgot to eat and then been running on adrenaline cos of…” Because of Harry. But she wasn’t about to pour her heart out to a complete stranger so instead shut her mouth. Emma, the paramedic, seemed t9 get the message and again smiled down at her gently.

“It’s okay I get it... so you know then that because you lost consciousness really we should be taking you to the hospital? Get your bloods checked?” The grimace on Y/n’s face was more than enough to answer her.

“Please I just want to sleep-“

“You need to go to hospital Y/n/n” Haz interjected who had been completely silent and still in shock. Yes, she wasn’t his girlfriend, but they were bloody close and he still hadn’t really had an explanation. 

“I just want to sleep and-and I got a lot of explaining to do” Y/n made the mistake of momentarily looking up to see Harrison’s glassy eyes and Emma followed suit. 

“You the boyfriend?”

“No, i- um I’m his housemate.”

“If we are even still together” Y/n mumbled her eyes trained on the ground. In response, Haz huffed indignantly sitting down right beside the slightly crippled girl and slung his arm around her shoulder. “Don’t you worry about that hey? Everything’s is gonna be fine.” Her head came to rest on his arm making Haz bend down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. She was sort of the other sister, having been on the scene much earlier than Nadia had, he’d come to really get on with her. 

After a moment of just being there with Haz, Y/n simply thankful he didn’t seem to hate her or believe the rumours anymore, Emma spoke up. 

“So a hard pass on the hospital is it? Because then we should just think about getting you inside to rest.” Y/n nodded hard, very clearly expressing her preference, making the two chuckle. “They’d only be checking your blood levels which I can get a doctor to do tomorrow morning from home. I’m not supposed to say this but it's okay to stay.” It was all going swimmingly until they heard a very very familiar voice. 

“What the hells happening?” 

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 1 of Season 1

"We Only See Each Other At Weddings and Funerals”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it's funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

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1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04 |

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☂️ In the Pilot script, it has a woman giving birth to a baby boy in Poland in 1984 (potentially Five or maybe even Luther??) 

☂️ “Picture Book” is an absolute bop and no one can tell me otherwise

☂️ What if someone saw this parade of carriages and noticed that there were seven? Later Reginald announces that he adopted 6 kids, so I wonder if anyone saw the carriages earlier and heard Reginald's announcement and became confused

☂️ The concert hall in the Pilot script is in New York, which I assume is safe to assume in NYC. The script also mentions later that Diego drops the monocle in the Hudson River

☂️ The Pilot script originally had Allison in LA, and Klaus in Amsterdam (which he was supposed to be levitating in that scene)

☂️ Diego was originally supposed to be pretty brutal and violent

☂️ I am a huge POTO fan so having a medley of the songs from the musical is so awesome to hear. The first time I watched this episode and heard the violin starting to play, I was like “Huh, this really sounds like POTO” and then I realized it was! It gave me chills and still does to this day overtime I watch this scene

☂️ The dark and mysterious tones of POTO really matches the vibes of TUA well. It’s just so good, especially as a way to introduce Vanya. The first song Vanya plays is “Phantom of the Opera” which is a nice symbolism when introducing the Hargreeves Siblings. The song itself is Christine discovering who her true Angel of Music is, a strange masked man that everyone knows well but they truly don’t know who he really is, like with the Umbrellas and their separate personalities and struggles as actual human beings and not just as the superheroes the public knows them as. It also plays while showing Diego, who is a mysterious masked figure at that point. 

☂️ “Angel of Music” is basically Christine asking her angel to guide her, which is ironic that it plays while Klaus is getting out of a place that guides him down the right path, knowing that he’s immediately going to go do drugs again and to go down the “wrong” path

☂️ I wonder if the voice in Luther’s spacesuit as he receives his message is an automated voice or his robot named “Ben” like in the comics. I doubt it’s the latter, but who knows

☂️ Okay, here’s another POTO thing. Diego picks up his knife and wipes the blood off of it and tells the family “Your family is safe now” right as the start of “Think of Me” plays. The first lyrics of the song are “Think of me, think of me fondly” which can be seen as Diego wants the family to truly view him as a hero that saved them

☂️ Aaaand here’s another! Again, while “Think of Me” is playing, one of the parts in the song where Raoul sings “Long ago, it seems so long ago, how young and innocent we were” plays while the paparazzi begins questioning Allison about her father and siblings

☂️ Okay okay, last POTO thing. I especially love that "Music of the Night" plays when Klaus wakes up in the ambulance at night. It's so awesome! Especially since the song is basically about giving into your darkest desires, which Klaus clearly did

 ☂️ Goddamn is the music in the show amazing, and I’m not just talking about all of the fun lyrical songs! Jeff Russo you get a thumbs up from me

☂️ Ta-da! Here’s some portraits that are shown of the siblings with Reginald when they were young that are shown in the show

☂️ Even the first person Vanya sees when she arrives home doesn’t greet her/welcome her back 

☂️ Emmy and Elliot really played that awkward hug and greeting between Allison and Vanya well. You can feel the awkward tension (hey sisters)

☂️ According to the pilot script, Diego wears his mask practically all the time like in the comics

☂️ Luther was literally supposed to have a gorilla body in the pilot script

☂️ “Oh, YoU gOt BiG, lUtHeR”

☂️ Godddd the song playing while Vanya looks at the books on the shelf in including her own is 👌

☂️ Ah, there’s a book called “Lunar Living”

☂️ It might just be me, but it seems like the light shining onto Five’s portrait is ever so slightly askew

☂️ Vanya leaving the lights on and sandwiches for Five reminds me of someone leaving food outside for a stray cat

☂️ Five was originally supposed to be gone for over 22 years in the pilot script

☂️ I wonder at what point in each of the siblings’ lives did they realize, or at least they thought, their brother wouldn’t be coming home 

☂️ Babies 

☂️ There’s so many ape and monkey pictures and diagrams around Reginald’s office. Foreshadowing for Luther?

☂️ I love Klaus’s theme. It’s heard in almost every episode https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJa9H8SY4wQ&list=OLAK5uy_k2NJivpu0PIwxrOmPVrqN4umBZaahOGWI&index=6

☂️ Why does Reginald have two pictures of himself featuring aircraft? In one of them he’s outside a private jet and the other is him inside a cockpit

☂️ I must say that the dialogue in the pilot script definitely closely mirrors the dialogue of the comics 

☂️ “Told me I should be careful who to trust” 👀

☂️ Something behind Elliot is moving

☂️ I was hoping for this to be a gazelle of some sort above Five’s portrait, but It’s an Gemsbok. However, the Gemsbok is an antelope and all gazelles are antelopes

☂️ “The Walker” playing during the bank robbery scene is 👌👌

☂️ Luther is ready to throw hands

☂️ These robbers really decided to rob a bank at 10:05 am?

☂️ I just love Five popping out of nowhere criss-cross applesauce 

☂️ Something that hasn’t been explained/fully shown is Five’s ability to teleport objects. He teleported the gun out of the guy’s hand and replaced it with a stapler

☂️ Five’s teleportation noise reminds me of something going really fast, like an aircraft breaking the sound barrier. It’s almost like a mini sonic boom, but not as loud

☂️ Okay so I’ve noticed this in most of the episodes, but I don’t think when Five teleports he makes an actual noise. I’ll point this out more as we continue through the episodes. At the bank scene when Five is on the counter, it appears that the first time he teleports the bank robber whips around when Five speaks. The second time the robber turns to Five simply because he doesn’t know where he went and he’s searching for the threat

☂️ “That’s one badass stApler”

☂️ When Ben asks if he has to go into the Vault, he looks at Klaus for reassurance even though Luther is the one speaking to him

☂️ Five was still pretty cocky back in his youth. They, or more like Ben, have more bad guys to take care of and he’s just chilling with his hands in his pockets and leaning back/slouching like he’s bored. His tone with the robber also proves that and the way he just happily bounds out of the bank

☂️ Sir, why are you looking at the camera

☂️ Luther’s little wave to the reporters when the Umbrellas come out of the bank is cute

☂️ The pilot script didn’t include a flashback of a bank robbery, but instead to the Umbrellas training when they were younger. There’s too much to screenshot to I’ll summarize it.

-Luther bench-presses over 500 lbs

-Diego has been holding his breath for about six hours and he flips Reginald off

-Klaus levitates stuff

-Allison is slacking off and when Reginald tells her to continue her training she simply rumors him that she doesn’t have to

-Ben is fighting guards and Reginald calls him “Number Six” to which Vanya, who isn’t supposed to be down there, corrects him that his name is Ben and reminds Reginald that they have names

- Five very quickly and quite brutally rips off the heads and limbs of training dummies, snaps their necks, and stabs them. He is referred to as “A ruthless little war machine.” Reginald calls him “Perfect”

☂️ The pilot script implies that Reginald had alien life mounted on the walls of his office

☂️ There wasn’t a dance scene in the pilot script

☂️ Not to get super into detail about this, but Luther’s room is filled with a lots of models and paintings of aircraft, mainly from WWII. Almost all of them are of Allied aircraft, and more specifially Commonwealth aircraft, like the RCAF. So this could be more of a clue to the Umbrellas living in Canada

☂️ Diego giving that Wildebeest head the stink eye aways makes me laugh

☂️ Klaus is dancing with Reggie’s urn in a Waltz fashion, so maybe he’s just doing that or it’s the ballroom dancing lessons they received as children peeing through

☂️ I love Diego’s dancing skills

☂️ Fuck you Five for ruining their dance party

☂️ Honestly Five’s portal is pretty powerful. Here’s a description of it from the pilot script

☂️ I like that when Luther tells everyone to get behind him and Diego copies him with “Yeah, get behind us” Luther lets his brother use himself as a shield instead be pulling the “I’m the leader, I’m the strongest” card

☂️ When Luther and Diego are shielding their siblings, Diego has his arm stretched out to guard Vanya

☂️ In the pilot script Five’s body is smoking when he comes out of the portal

☂️ What if when Five fell out of the portal he got knocked out so he just laid face down on the ground unconscious aksdhfjsafhd

☂️ “So are we gonna talk about what just happened?” No bitch, let him make his sammie first

☂️ Diego and Klaus had some sort of bet on Five’s time traveling in the pilot script

☂️ Here’s another example of Five’s teleportation possibly not making noise. When he teleports around while his siblings are questioning him, it looks like they only look at him when he appears and not when they hear a noise

☂️ Five in the pilot script is actually 62

☂️ “What part of the future do you not understand?”

☂️ I like that Five styled his hair to the exact style it was when he was actually young, but eventually gets looser throughout the season

☂️ Five is so oddly calm when talking to Vanya in front of his portrait

☂️ “Well, there are worse things that can happen.” “You mean like what happened to Ben?” Yeah there’s also an apocalypse on the way lol

☂️ Five actually got a hug in the pilot script! 

☂️ An ironic moment from the pilot script considering that Five is an assassin and has killed tons of people but this siblings don’t know that

☂️ When Diego is talking about their names and numbers in the courtyard, Five sighs, which I’m sure he’s just bored/has better places to be and is annoyed, but I’d like to view it as “Shit, I don’t even have a name”

☂️ Funny tidbit from the pilot script during the funeral scene “Whatever the hell you are”

☂️ Diego talks about how he assumed Reginald sent Luther to the moon because he couldn’t stand the sight of him, so he must be talking about Luther being like a “failed” leader or something? Like he couldn’t keep the team/his siblings together? Diego doesn’t know about his ape-like body so he’s not thinking about that.....

☂️ I love that Klaus reaches his arm out to guard Five, and that Five simply glares at him and bats his arm away

☂️ When Luther broke Ben’s statue, I can just imagine Ben yelling at Klaus “Seriously? Klaus, why didn’t you stop them?”

☂️ So I’m sure this is just a continuation error, but you can’t see Five walking away in the shot of Ben’s statue hitting the ground. Considering that he had just left, he should still be visible in the background. Again, probably a continuation error or maybe he even teleported inside

☂️ A detail I love about Luther is that his fingernails are dark due to the gorilla DNA

☂️ The bank robbery scene in the pilot script is after the funeral. Not much was changed for the actual first episode, just a few different scenes. Also the Umbrellas were described as gods

☂️ Vanya drawing the tattoo on her wrist hurts my heart

☂️ “Together, you will stand against the reign of evil” gives me chills 

☂️ “This is your home and always will be” is great foreshadowing to S3, and hurts my heart when I think about how it is in fact no longer their home

☂️ When I first watched this episode and saw Pogo watching Vanya I knew something was pretty sus

☂️ Just some gold dialogue from the pilot script during the scene of Five, Allison, and Klaus in the kid area and Five is complaining about coffee (but in the pilot script everyone but Vanya is there)

☂️ “An entire square block. Forty-two bedrooms, 19 bathrooms” goddamn the Academy is HUGE. Also 42 is just one away from being 43 👀

☂️ “I know how to do everything.” Yeah, like survive an apocalypse and professionally kill people :]

☂️ I’ve pointed this out before, but the license plate on the car that Five takes to Griddy’s says HERMES, which is the license plate of his car in the comics

☂️ The exit sign in the background is only half lit up to where it says EX and if my memory serves me correctly that’s the door Vanya and Leonard enter the Academy through in episode 6

☂️ Diego telling Klaus to lean back is like “Ugh I don’t want him with me, but safety first”

☂️ I love that they added his feral chimpanzee smile from the pilot script into he show

☂️ “You won’t be going home.” Cocky smartass strikes again. Not to mention he smiles when he says that. He also says this to the men before he kills them in the pilot script

☂️ Before I even knew about TUA, I had heard of the “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” scene and looked it up. I remember thinking “Wow, that kid is scary.” Now I think “Wow, that old man is scary.”

☂️ I love the little salute he does before he blinks away, and the way his basically just plays with these men like a cat playing with its prey. He knows he’s going to kill them, but he wants to have fun doing so

☂️ Five had some fancy moves in the pilot script

☂️ Five teleporting his tie around the man’s neck is another example of him teleporting an object. Can we see more of this actually happen in S3 please?? I also love the fact that he takes it off the man’s body and puts it back on

☂️ The way he calmly, or tiredly, snaps the man’s neck is chilling to see from a child’s body. This was also included in the pilot script *chanting* Feral Five, Feral Five, Feral Fi-

☂️ It’s honestly such a cool and iconic scene on the show. It truly shows that Five is fully capable of handling himself, and is/was great at his job

☂️ Having the city at night in the background of Diego dropping the monocle is really pretty

☂️ I really like the way they revealed Ben. Having watched both season and now watching this scene again is a bit awkward when Ben doesn’t talk. He’s probably just tired of Klaus 

☂️ “The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it.” This line combined with the music and the previous scene of Five in the apocalypse is powerful and chilling and I love it

☂️ I love that they have The Umbrella Academy theme playing during the credits in both seasons

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Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!