#if you series

[kassies-take]

If You Annoyed Rosalie Hale

~Age 17 and human~

You: *barges into Rosalie’s obviously closed room*

Rosalie: *looks up from a car magazine* what do you want

You and Rosalie: *stares at each other*

You: *picks up BMW M3 Convertible model*

Rosalie: *glares and puts down her magazine* put that down

You: *throws it at Rosalie and runs out*

Rosalie: *catches it, puts it back and slams her door*

Esme: *from downstairs* Rose! Don’t slam the doors!

Rosalie: she started it!

~~~~~

You: *jumps down the last few steps*

Rosalie: one of these days you’re going to fall and I’m going to laugh

You: I hope you run into a tree

Rosalie: *snickers* you wish

You: wanna help me with breakfast

Rosalie: no thanks

You: *deadpans* can you keep me company then

Rosalie: *sighs and moves to the kitchen counter*

You: *takes out eggs and smiles* i learned a new trick to cracking eggs *breaks the egg on Rosalie’s forehead*

Emmett: *laughs*

Rosalie: *glares and grabs an egg* you got FOOD in my hair

You: it’s not like you can’t wash it *laughs and makes eye contact with Rosalie* Oop *ducks*

Rosalie: *throws an egg towards you and grabs another egg*

You: DAD! *moves arms up to protect your face and turns your body*

Rosalie: *grabs and throws a few eggs*

Carlisle: that’s enough *holds his hand out for the egg in Rosalie’s hand*

Rosalie: *glares and slams the egg in Carlisle hand*

Carlisle: (Y/n), Rosalie apologize to your sister

You and Rosalie: sorry

Carlisle: *gestures to the egg yolk and whites in the kitchen* clean this up

~~~~~

You: *driving Rosalie’s car in the rain* This was not a good idea. it okay you’re almost home *hydroplanes*

Alice: *freezes*

Jasper: Alice.

Alice: *looks at Jasper then Rosalie* It’s (Y/n) on that cliff turn

Rosalie: *speeds away and rips the door off her car* Hey

You: *whimpers* Rosie. I’m sorry.

Rosalie: *reaches to get you out*

You: *whimpers* It hurts

Rosalie: I know. I know. Just stay with me. *carries you to Carlisle*

You: *unconscious*

Rosalie: *enters the hospital* Hey. No. You’re not dying today okay! I need you! I need my sister! *crying with venom* who else is going to annoy me like you do

Nurse: we’re going to take good care of her

Carlisle: *holds Rosalie back*

~after surgery~

You: *wakes up*

Emmett: hey

You: where’s Rosie?

Rosalie: *on your right* I’m right here. *pushes your hair back and kisses your forehead*

You: sorry about your car

Rosalie: It’s just a car, I could always fix it up.

You & Emmett: aww you do care.

Rosalie: *rolls her eyes*

You: you know I annoy you in hopes that it makes you feel human

Rosalie: *smiles* thank. You can annoy me anytime.

You: great! Now can you get out so I can talk to Emmett about ways to annoy you

Rosalie: *scoffs*

[beif0ngs]

Over the Garden Wall 10th Anniversary stop motion short by creator Patrick McHale and Aardman Animations

[ysaona]

[readwritealldayallnight]

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who from the moment he laid eyes on you, has only ever referred to you as his wife

You, this sweet little thing, running through the halls on base one day when you turn a corner and nearly run headfirst into the Lieutenant, who’s walking alongside Soap

“Oh! Sorry about that, sir.” You told him, never slowing down in your hurried pace as you snuck around his large frame and continued down towards whatever you were evidently late for

The only reason his gaze had followed your retreating form, was that unlike everyone else, you had met his eyes when you spoke, even smiled warmly up at him

That one smile and he was done for

“Who was tha’?” The sergeant had questioned, seeing Ghost’s attention still fixated on you.

“Think that was my wife.”

“Yer what?!”

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who makes it a point to let everyone know that you are in fact his wife

Well, everyone apart from you apparently

He would certainly never abuse his position as a Lieutenant, but some new recruit had the audacity to whistle at you as you walked by? Well 100 laps around the base don’t exactly run themselves

Another soldier saved you a seat next to him in a briefing? He can enjoy scrubbing toilet seats for the next week in that case

Someone actually had the bollocks to ask you for your phone number? Perfect, he needed a volunteer for demonstrating hand to hand combat to the recruits, medics on standby of course

By the time he properly introduces himself to you for the first time, it’s understood by everyone else around that you are, for all intents and purposes, Mrs Riley

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who listens to you tell him your name in a voice that resembles music to his ears, hardly bothering to remember your last name, seeing as it’ll be changing soon enough anyway

“You can call me anythin’ you want, love.” His deep, gravelly voice had sent shivers down your spine, cheeky smirk widening beneath his mask. “So long as you call me, that is.”

By the end of your first date, (you were sitting alone in the dining hall and he wordlessly joined you what do you mean this isn’t a date) he’s wondering if you’ll insist on a ceremony or if he can sweep you away to the nearest courthouse and make this official, slipping a ring onto you finger and his cock into you

You had laughed when he put his number into your phone and named himself ‘Husband’, certain that the man was only messing with you, some kind of hazing that you apparently weren’t aware Lieutenants played on the new communications hire, but it was only fair seeing as he’d saved your contact under ‘Wife’

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who is over the moon every time you play along, even if he knows you believe you’re only playing

“Ach, thanks Lt. Just what I needed.” Soap said, seeing Ghost’s approaching form enter the common room, holding a steaming cup of tea in each hand

“S’for my wife. Get your own.” The older man gruffly replied, sliding the mug onto the side table next to where you’re curled up on the couch, reading a book

“Aw, thank you honey.” You giggled, smiling up as him with an expression he thinks would taste even sweeter than honey if he were to run his tongue across your upturned lips

“Happy wife, happy life, sergeant.” Ghost shrugged, ignoring the other man’s pout, landing next to you and reaching an arm behind you across the back of the couch

“God, maybe I really should keep you.” You’d laughed, reaching a leg out to dig your socked toes into his muscled thigh, teasing him

Grasping your foot into his large, strong hands, he began massaging it, uncaring that you were only two of the many people in the common room, not when you looked at him like that, smiling together as though you truly were nothing more than a married couple

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who surprised you one day, insisting he needed your help with something crucial off base, and drove you to a local shopping outlet to look at none other than dresses

“Is there some sort of party happening?” You’d questioned, confused out of your mind

“Suppose you could consider it a party.” He’d answered, leading you through the many racks of dresses, you noticed were all, very conveniently, white

“Now while you’re lookin’ through dress sizes,” he’d added, taking your left hand in both of his. “You know your ring size? Got my own shoppin’ to do ‘round here.”

Series masterlist

[sopuu]

animation of jimmy getting owned in real life

bonus gif of him celebrating i made for funsies :] oh the oblivious bliss...

[youthofpandas]

What’s up with how the dunmeshi fandom just lies about this kind of stuff all the time. It is easily confirmable information that it was a monthly series, something incredibly common in the industry.

A not weekly magazine schedule is literally common !! Especially in the seinen shoujo and josei demographics, sometimes monthly, sometimes biweekly, sometimes every two months, sometimes seasonal! Please stop lying about how Dunmeshi was some special unique creation that defies all standards of manga just to hype it up because it is so clear that every single one of these comparisons is centered around Weekly Shonen Jump (and understand that SJ has many magazines under its brand that are monthly or semimonthly). Not everything is WSJ and it needs to stop being the only point of reference in conversations like this 🤧

[aniisol]

mumbo thinks he could beat most the irl hermits in a fistfight. okay. let's see. welcome back, my name is grian and today we're all gathered here to kick off a brand new life series in the middle of this actual forest

[olwolo]

to the family car!

[blaithnne]

Live Mel reaction

[mothmothwoth]

Found myself strangely obsessed with Skizz and Lizzie… there are apparently brain chemicals in there

[kassies-take]

If You Were A Denali Coven Member During The Cullen’s Time Away from Forks

Tanya: Carlisle

Carlisle: Tanya thank you for welcoming us

Eleazar: you’re missing a member

Esme: Edward is taking time away from us

You: *stares at Rosalie*

Rosalie: *spots you behind Kate and Carmen* and you have a new member

You: *looks at Rosalie, smiles and waves*

Rosalie: *gasps*

Alice: *screams* Rose! Oh I’m so happy for you

Rosalie: *growls* stop it!

Emmett: *laughs* Rosie found her mate! Rosie found her mate!

Rosalie: *glares at Emmett*

Kate: *smirks*

Irina: *rolls eyes and moves you forward* this is (Y/n) a new born and our new coven member

Carmen: nomads killed her family while they were vacationing

You: *looks Rosalie up and down* yes and you are?

Rosalie: Rosalie. You can call me Rose if you’d like *if she could blush she would be*

You: *steps closer to Rosalie and takes an unneeded breath*

Jasper: *smirks* it’s been a while since the family went hunting

Tanya & Carlisle: *looks between Rosalie and You*

Carlisle: That will be best

Rosalie: I’m going to stay

You: I will as well

Kate: *smirks* I’m sure you would. We all know how welcoming newborns can be. No shame in it and plenty of fun to have

Emmett: oh I’m sure it’ll be plenty fun. Right Rose.

Rosalie: *grits* just go!

Emmett: *runs off* use protection!

Kate: *runs off* don’t break the bed!

Everyone: *runs off*

Carlisle: *pats Rosalie and runs off*

Rosalie: … so you’ve got a room in that house?

[livingfandomly]

Shocking that when you focus on quality and give the story to actual writers they can successfully cement a character, give you her entire backstory, make you fall in love with her and make you cry when they kill her off, all in a span of 30mins.

[lxvvie]

Simon doesn't think he's ever tasted something so good in his fuckin' life before.

He didn't know what he was in for this time when he got back from deployment, and nicotine and whiskey ain't got shit on this. Poor bastard can't remember the last time he had something so good invade his senses like this.

You said you had a treat for him, made him lay down, and promptly sat on his face, and Simon was fuckin' gone. Don't know what the fuck possessed him but he took one whiff and was instantly hooked.

Simon feasted on your cunt like a man starved. Tongue, lips, fingers, you name it. Anything to get his fix, anything to make you moan.

Anything to make you cum.

Didn't let up for shit, not even to breathe, and when you voiced your concern while whimpering and trembling, Simon didn't give a fuck and still continued to love on your pretty cunt because where the bloody fuck are you going?

Shut up. Shut the hell up and let him make you cum, sweetheart.

Actions have consequences. Shouldn't have made him feel so bloody good, shouldn't have poked at the beast, and he'd be damned if he didn't think this was the best post-deployment gift he's ever gotten. Better than the nicotine high or occasional pity wank.

Fuck, it's been so long and he's absolutely disgusting about it.

And Simon's aware of it all, the way his cock is so hard it's bloody painful and leaking in his pants, the way you're grinding on his face, smothering it and fucking his mouth (don't you dare stop, either), and how his everything is consumed by you. You coat his stubble, fill his nostrils up with your scent, his tastebuds are fired up—bloody hell, need he explain more?

Simon could die a happy man right now, and what would his gravestone say? Here Lies Simon Riley, Died Eating Cunt.

He'd chuckle if he wasn't too busy at the moment. Shit, he probably did if the way you're moaning is any indication. That felt good, didn't it, sweetheart?

It's your turn now to say his name like a prayer and believe in him just as he believes in you.

And it's the best fucking thing to ever bless his ears.

--

Turning Simon Out: Part I and Part II.

[isjasz]

[mob killing noises] BAM!!!!1111!!