#if you see the problem lmk and ill fix it

[blenselche]

I lost the original .sai file, rip me. I love Princess Chewypaste sm it's unfair that our canon universe's PB got the bleh color scheme in comparison.

closer

[chocotonez]

skz reaction to their s/o feeling nauseous

a/n: I think this is months late so I’m so incredibly sorry and I hope you’re not still feeling nauseous anon!!

warnings/genre: mentions of throwing up, sickness, no reason stated for feeling sick, g/n reader, lmk if anything else should be tagged!

chan

-so incredibly worried immediately

-if you’re outside he’ll immediately be like “need to go home?? Should we go home?”

-calls you his “poor baby” while cradling you dramatically

-“food? water? cold?? hot??? fever??? chills?!?!?”

-strokes your hair while trying to ease it in anyway he knows possible, even looks up quick ways to help you

-he’s more of a healer and fixer, so he wouldn’t just want to distract you but fix the problem entirely

-lots of kisses until you feel better!!

lee know

-immediately has you in bed with a damp towel over your forehead and fanning you while also making chicken noodle soup and giving you the best of the best treatment

-probably the type to drop “is it because you’re on your phone all the time?” and scold you even if that’s not the reason at all 😭

-he’s devoted to taking care of you but also he hates seeing you in pain, which is why he can seem like he’s scolding u or smth like that

-babies you a bit to make you laugh, pinches your cheeks but his giggles are softer and he tries to relax so he doesn’t make you feel even more sick LOL

-“I’ll always be here to take care of you”

changbin

-notices but he doesn’t want you to feel super duper scrutinized especially if it’s something you can handle yourself

-like dizzy spells and whatnot, but once it hits that your head is spinning and your vision is getting spotty he panics

-“hey let’s get you some water? do you wanna go home? wanna go lay down?” and is dropping a lot of suggestions because you know ur body best!

-but he’ll obviously swoop into take care of you if you’re alright with it, kissing your cheek and trying to comfort you and smother u with love because love is the best medicine

-brushes your hair out of your face and lets you lay on his chest, he wants to remind you that he’s here for you always

hyunjin

-very relaxed about it, not in the way he doesn’t care but in the way he’s confident that he can take care of you !

-he makes sure to ask what you’d like to do though, he’s not really the type to be insistent on getting you to rest but he’ll gladly carry you to bed and get you some water and an advil

-cuddles you non stop and tries to take your mind off of it by telling stories about his day, tries to get you to doze off

-respects your space a lot and understands how it can get overbearing to have someone huddling you when you feel sick

-but no matter if you want him a thousand feet away or holding onto you like a koala bear he’ll be there for you with warm soup and a damp cloth

han

-has a flare for dramatics

-it’s a dizzy spell and you’re nauseous, and obviously he loves you and cares for you but unless there’s a more prominent issue he’ll just take care of you as per usual but with some theatrics to make you smile

-he’s a big distractor unlike Chan, he knows you can get over a nausea episode but he wants to help you get through it through methods other than painkillers and gallon bottles of water

-“oh woe is me, the love of my life has fallen ill to some treacherous curse! fortunately their handsome prince is here to save them with true love’s kiss…” “please just give me the Tylenol”

-pokes your cheek to make sure you’re still alive if you start dozing off because it makes him nervous

-takes funny photos to commemorate the occasion (you don’t think it’s that funny)

felix

-I think he’s much more insistent on you getting rest and taking it easy

-I think that he takes your health very seriously, as he knows personally that it’s best to take care of yourself and he just doesn’t ever want you to be hurt/in pain/uncomfortable

-he might seem a little panicky and rushed with trying to get you feel better but that’s because he really does but want to see you happy and okay again!

-you know those big water bottles that have little inspirational messages encouraging you to drink water?? he gets those for you while you rest up

-if it’s just a short dizzy spell he’ll immediately sit you down with a damp cloth and get you some food

-honestly he’s just the sweetest ever and very attentive to you no matter how minor or fleeting your nausea is

seungmin

-“I’m gonna throw up on you” “don’t you dare”

-has fun with it LOL, but not because he doesn’t care but entirely because he wants to see you smile and distract you from your head spinning

-“heeeeyyyy i brought you some noddle soup but if you throw up I’m gonna call my mom to take care of you because that’s really gross and I don’t wanna deal with that!! xoxo love you so much!”

-but that’s entirely a joke because the second you’re seriously discomforted and hurt he’s on the verge of tears and tending to you

-he’s gonna make it fun so you don’t just…feel nasty and gross and bad, because if you’re stuck with a dizzy spell then he’s gonna make you smile somehow

-sings “you make me feel…better!” to the tune of twice’s feel special while getting you some painkillers

jeongin

-takes it very seriously because he wants to be a good boyfriend for you

-I think that every time he faces a boyfriend scenario (you’re upset, nauseous, you need a ride somewhere…) he really pushes himself to be the best he can be for you

-but also it’s embarrassing if he gets all cheesy on you and he gets flustered if he has to take your temperature or if you start leaning on him because you’re still his super pretty significant other and you always make his heart beat fast

-doesnt really know how to approach on comforting you so he’ll just try to find a solution (i.e nearly calls emergency services)

-“it’s okay! everything’s a-okay!!” and he’s more worried than you are (mainly because the world is spinning and you are this close to leaning over the nearest trash can, so you don’t really have the energy to be as anxious about this as he is)

-“jeongin, babe, can we just go home?? I don’t think you need to take me to the hospital…” “but like…are you sure??”

[hanamgi]

Autoshop

┈➤ Summary:  He was the sun in your universe, you just wished you were a fraction of that for his.

◦ Strangers/friends to….

◦ 17k+ words 

◦ Rating: 18+

◦ Pairing: mehcanicJKxFemReader

➤ Warnings: ┃ Swearing, DomJK, face sitting/riding, lustful makeout, they have sex in the shop, seggs on the car lol, teasing, dirty talk, grinding, he spits on it, sloppy eating out, ┃Mutual pining, Jungkook is an assho*le lowkey, reader is very much naive, frustration between the two, emotionally constipated Koo, implied traumatic past relationships, Jimin is the best friend JK needs, Hoseok also a good friend, idk I wrote this during a time I was frustrated with someone, and in essence this kinda bout how she did me dirty but obviously this is 100 more dramticized for the audience hehe

HELLO: I really wanted to release it's his first time MONTHS back but literally uni has hit me like a truck I can't seem to escape exam szn at all (pls help) but the hype is dying down im in my final semster of first year (more exams yay) but ill get to have a long break after. That being said I hope you enjoy this, it was in my draft for almost 11 months now, so lmk what you think don't be shy and please like, share, reblog <3

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Finally it was time.

You were beyond ecstatic to go and visit the shop again, the oil in your car finally signalling that it needed a refill, so why not bring it to your favourite mechanic? It was last summer that your car had broken down on the highway, needing a whole new engine and it ended up getting towed into a mechanic shop just off the 406. You were tired, exhausted, just trying to get back to your apartment from spending the weekend at your parent's house.

Your parents missed you but you missed the little growly cat you had at home, -Mr. Snuggles fur- (the most fluffiest, cutest, grumpy, old, ginger cat you had waiting to welcome you home) if it wasn’t for him you probably would have ended up jumping off the bridge near the highway from embarrassment. The tow trucker guy had managed to crack in a few not subtle jabs on the old thing, but seriously it isn’t your fault that you can’t afford a 2020 mercedes benz Sue you! besides you knew jack shit about cars, it wasn't your problem. But that wasn’t even the good part, the mechanic fixing it was a very attractive, very handsome man. Pretty privilege really does exist because you let the shit he said slide, to focus on his handsome figure.

Frankly, you had bigger problems to deal with, like; your job: when the sketches for the new Facebook advertisement were due, what colours would be more appealing to people, how the advertisement should be perceived as funny rather then serious, the difference between maroon and burgundy-god you really had bigger problems. You really hadn’t thought about your engine at all, you just filled your car with gas and drove it to where you needed to throughout the years. When you look back to when you bought it, you grimace,  the whole process was really sketchy. DAMMIT!! You should have taken your dad or hired someone to help you find a suitable low-maintenance car. Yet here you were again, it’s been six months since the first night you got your car towed here and kept coming back whenever there was a slight squeak to it. Some may think you're very passionate and caring for your car, maybe well off since you keep coming in to get unnecessary shit fixed. But that's not the case at all, the secret was…..you were totally, (and delusionally) utterly, in love with the mechanic you’ve seemed to befriend over the months coming here. 

Currently sitting on the stool he pulled out for you, you watch him tweak the engine's air pump while you sigh dreamily. 

He wore denim overalls and a wife-beater underneath, the top of it tied around his tiny waist. You could see the beautiful glaze of his honey muscles, –sinewy lean, and big—skin that glimmered from his sweat. Your imagination grows fast when he squats and the muscles of his thighs bulge slightly, god you were drooling. He was so handsome, tall, muscular, and- “..... Hello?” he called for your attention, the fourth time now..apparently and you blink embarrassed. Slightly jumping at his soft voice, sitting upright, you rise from the stool. “Oh- s- sorry I didn’t hear you” you blushed lightly, feeling your face heat up. 

“Seemed like you were out there” he refers to you dozing off, you chuckle lightly. 

“Something like that” you mumbled, pushing some strands of hair behind your back. He turns to you with a charming smile, a wrench in his veiny grip and you gulp. Your gaze slowly lingers from his tight grip to his face, soft lips pulled upwards into a cute pout, such sweet eyes forming crescents from the effects of his smile, your favourite type of smile. You’ve always wondered how it would feel to poke the little moles underneath his chin, or on top of his lip, maybe stick a finger into his cute dimple. Your fantasies run faster and faster and you almost miss what he says again. 

“I changed the oil and fixed the squeaking, it’s probably gonna happen again and I don't want you to keep coming down here to pay ridiculous money to get it fixed so let me show you,” he waved you over. You frowned,- did he not want to see you anymore?

“Aren’t you supposed to advertise your business and not push away the customers?” You lightheartedly joke while he snorts.

Walking over you stop right in front of him, he was a mere 5 inches taller than you and the smell of oil and cologne wafted up your nose. It was a weird combination but it smelled so good, a little rusty but it was divinely masculine, the type of scent you would want to bury your face into, and sleep and bask in all night. The kind of scent that gives enough comfort and warmth. The scent is laced with maybe Dior perfume, metal rust, and the leftover remnants of cigarettes buds– that he smokes on his breaks.

“Okay see right here this little tube wrapped in the tin?” he asked, gesturing to the engine, you nodded. “You're going to take a wrench and twist it clockwise,” he demonstrates.

“I don't own a wrench,” you deadpan and Jungkook chuckles, he’s very amused to say the least, light airy laughter leaving his lips.

“You can have this one, I have plenty” he smiles cheekily and you almost groan. It was like he was trying to get rid of you, you swear. 

“And then you're done, if it doesn't budge, grease it with the oil you bought last week,” he says and you nod, wanting to stay near his body warmth. He looks down at your pouty lips and places a hand underneath your chin.

“ ‘.....’ this is going to save you money trust me” he reassures–it wasn’t a way of shooing you out he assures. Jungkook was just concerned with your superfluous way of spending your money. He lifts your head up and your heart races a million times faster, breath hitching inside your throat. 

“I know but you would do it for free if I came in, right?” you ask and he giggles, you swore your heart stopped at the airy- supple sound, it was adorable. 

“Yeah, but what if you come in and I'm not here? Then what….. plus coming all this way is a lot,” he reasons and you sigh nodding your head. He was right, it was a lot of time, a lot of money to spend too. Your ulterior motives were not really a subtle secret anymore either, you're sure he is aware of your crush on him. You did spend so much gas money coming here and then money for getting random shit that didn't need fixing to be repaired.

“C’mon don't sulk,” he taps your nose and you finally crack a smile. You loved it when he played with you, cradled your face for any injuries he suspects whenever you come in with a busted mirror or a dented corner of the car. His light touches on your elbow guiding you, or the hovering arm over your lower back that does not creep down in a way to respect you. You want to see him more though, see him watch you, or how your gaze shows twinkles and stars when looking at him, and you know you are not subtle, he even teases you about it from time to time. You want to feel his skin under your palms, on you, under him over him–you're getting carried away.

“Okay but you should come get some lunch with me, if you aren't busy of course, maybe during your break or when your shift is done, or another day if you really busy I don't mind honestly-” you stop rambling to check his reaction, he has a stupid bunny grin on his face, eyes on yours while you heat up from embarrassment. 

You weren't asking him out, you were only asking him to lunch. The last thing you wanted was to make him uncomfortable, you knew he was not interested in you with the way he approaches you’re mild confessions, or how he ignores the obvious yearning and longing in your gaze. You know he ignored the little twinkles and fairy dust shooting out of your orbs to him because you are so sure that the energy from the power of falling for this man has created this fiery light in your eyes– you can see it yourself. You can feel the weird tension, or maybe it’s just you or he just ignores it really well. Hopefully.

“I finish my shift in an hour, I have a few cars to wrap up and send off…..” He trails off, eyes shifting down to yours. 

He watches the way your face falls, and your body sulk into a frown–he doesn’t want to disappoint you after all, you were so fragile he was afraid of hurting you. “Do you wanna help me and we can go out after?” he asks with a smirk and you feel your heart tug at some strings, the light coming back into your face. You nod eagerly and he mumbles a ‘great’ under his breath.

—

An hour later after helping Jungkook with the cars, (mainly passing him tools and getting him water, when he needed it) you both sit in a little diner near your apartment. It was an 80’s themed diner that had chequered floors and race car seats, funky colours and lighting. Jeon fit right in with his mechanic outfit, but you on the other hand had basic light-washed flare jeans and a basic tube top. You both ordered and talked randomly with one another, it wasn’t your first time going out for a friendly lunch with him, at least that’s what he thought. You both were on a friendly lunch date until one of the waitresses mistakes you both for a couple and Jeon was quick to correct her. You sigh mentally, wishing you could just tell him how you feel, yet another part of you thinks that he knows and that he’s just been ignoring your shameless flirtation. You would never be able to recover from the humiliation of him rejecting you, nor would your heart be able to take the defeat so you settle with being friends, for now—

You behave yourself and eat the food you both ordered in peace, you’d never allow yourself to cross that line; because real life isn’t like the books you read, the images and dreams you have, and people aren't what you make them out to be. You knew this. 

You always looked at the people in your life as the potential they can be, and not for who they truly are. You’ve learned the hard way when you’ve been met with disappointment and a broken heart one too many times. But you couldn't help it, you couldn't help but see people for what they could be, and that in itself shows just how vulnerable you are. You were susceptible when it came to someone else’s feelings and always tried to be as thoughtful and empathic to how someone feels and why they are the way they are, thus making excuses as to their actions.

But then again, you did set up that unrealistic expectation of him long before you had even had a conversation with him. The inner hopeless romantic in you who thinks of life as the galaxy, people as balls of sunshine, and earth as a huge ball of fluff with people who have the potential to be the sun, and the stars. 

The man right in front of you….

Man

Slopingly eating away at his burger, he was the sun in your solar system. You’d like to think he has his own planet, beautiful and soft like him. Maybe on his planet lived cats like Mr. Snuggle Fur and had tulip fields every couple miles you’d walk down it. Water as clear as glass, blueish-green colour, and maybe people as cute and kind-hearted as Jungkook, that resided on that planet. Even though the way he usually dressed was the entire opposite of how he was, you hoped that at least the way you imagined him was just as beautiful as his plant

“Are you gonna finish that?” Jeon asks, pointing to the half-eaten burger you were gonna end up taking home, but with one look at his big doe-eyes you end up pushing the plate towards him. His face instantly brightens, taking a bite out of the burger with a grin on his face.

 He was your favourite planet you’ve decided.

“Thanks,” he smiles, mouth stuffed full of food, you giggle dismissing him with a hand wave. You get the waiter to bring back the check and you see Jungkook’s eyes widen when you pass the card over.

“What are you doing?” his voice is surprised, loud. You grin at him.

“You’ll get the next one,” you simply reply, paying and packing the leftovers. Jeon scoffs, giving you a pout. “I don’t mind paying when it comes to you, as you’ve noticed” you tease and he gives you a playful glare.

A stare that tells you not to go there, and your heart squeezing tightly in your ribcage.

“Let’s get you home, it’s getting late” He walks out, and you trail behind him with a soft smile. Your hearts hurting already.

—

Now back home you decide on a quick shower and to sleep in a t-shirt 4 sizes too big, courtesy of the cheap Walmart men's section. You sigh on your bed, scrolling through the contacts on your phone until you decide to stalk Jeon on Instagram. It was something that you did often, something that was a part of your nightly routine actually- before you would go to bed you would stalk his Instagram account. It was aesthetically pleasing, pictures of him on his motorcycle, or in his garage fixing cars. It was mainly black or white themed–that bad boy dark aesthetic. Occasional pictures of his Doberman running through the grass, and him kissing his mom on the cheek in what looks like a Christmas dinner, with the table set, and a tree in the background.

You smile, the warmth of bubbles brew up in the pit of your stomach, and butterflies erupt inside you tugging on the veins that pump the blood into your heart and down your body. You had such hopeless feelings, ever since he fixed your car at the mechanic shop that night back from your parent's house- you’ve always come back to him. That night he had given you food and his large grey denim jacket to keep you warm while he fixed the boot crack of an engine that you had. You felt oddly warm and safe, even though he was a complete stranger at the time. He joked and talked to you, even drove you home that night in his car because he needed to order some parts for your engine. 

Not to mention he was also completely and utterly hot, so handsome to the point that you think you would die from staring at him for too long, and oh god- oh god his smile was the most divine, heartwarming, pussy clenching, adorable thing in the world. Little bunny teeth, plump bottom lip, faint red-tinted lips stretched into an up-pull direction. God, you were down bad.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

You were back at the auto shop, much to Jungkook’s and your bank account's dismay. Only because he didn’t like you spending money on unnecessary fixes, he knows how anxious you get when your car so much as makes a squeak— scared of getting into an accident with the old junk. Jeon was always expecting you to come by the shop at least once a week, this time complaining about how the wrench he let you borrow wasn’t turning the tinned-covered canister in the engine. Helping you replace it again, he sends you off—curtly nodding his head while you wave, your wide eyes, starry.

They were two brown orbs that he has grown accustomed to, grown used to watching his every move and sometimes let it slip down his body on a hot summer day when he has his frame out of his tank top, or his legs free from the confinements of his overalls. He likes teasing you most times when he invites you to sit on a stool and talk to him while he fixes parts–manoeuvres around the car to assemble, and dismantle. Sometimes he curls his biceps slightly in front of you, tightly wrapping his hand around a wrench that did not need that much force whatsoever. You got flustered easily and he loved to see you pat down the warmth of your hue-tinted cheeks, or hum along to the song all of a sudden—all an act to calm down your beating heart he thinks.

He knows your act of coming here to the shop is to secretly ogle at him, you shamelessly letting out the crush you have on him in other forms—which is pretty obvious anyways—but Jungkook doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t want to embarrass you. Plus he loves your company, and your rambling about your co-workers, the food you bring in, and Mr snuggle Paws or whatever the name of your cat was—he appreciated it all. He valued the friendship you both have seemed to build throughout the months. You were a very wise, smart, beautiful woman—and he’d be damned to think he’s never seen you in that light. You were sexy, yes. But he’s never let his imagination broaden outside the area of this auto shop, the barricades on his heart work extra hard to block out the cute sounds of your giggles, or the way your hand comes up to part your soft curls behind your ear— and the way you ramble about random things in hopes to entertain Jungkook while he works— he found all of these things about you endearing and adorable. This is part of the reason why Jungkook had not tried to initiate a move, a hangout, or anything more than the friendly and respectful hug he parts you with whenever you leave the shop, or whatever restaurant you both choose to eat at once in a while. 

You were dangerous for his heart, he can feel the barbed wires he put on them years ago-loosen from time to time and it only happens in your presence, and the only time he felt the flutters in his stomach and the pulse in his heart quicken was with his ex. The one who has humiliated him broke him and made him barb up his heart to be a clueless fucker who has no hope, no expectation, no interest in love anymore. He didn’t believe that loving someone was enough for anyone, just love is never enough. No one in his eyes had the potential to be worthy of him, but there’s you. You who he thinks may have the potential, maybe. He doesn’t know, he doesn’t want to discover it. He doesn’t want to expect anything from you because he thinks you’ll disappoint him, he thinks that there’s no point if it’s all going to end in the grand scheme of all things. 

Jungkook only fucks, that’s what allows him to satisfy himself and protect his heart, it works for him. Clearly, you are not looking for that, you’re not looking for a quick fuck and he’d rather keep you as a friend than lose you, it is comfortable the way things are now. He knew eventually that you would crack and tell him your feelings, but he only hoped it wasn’t going to be anytime soon. Plus, you deserve better, you deserve better than Jungkook who is 1) a pessimist; he sees the negatives of life, and his thinking is cynical, very opposite from yours. You’re a better person than Jungkook, you see the good in people and think that anyone “bad” can change, and can be “fixed”. But Jungkook didn't want to change, nor did he want to be fixed. Jungkook wanted to be Jungkook…unguarded and free. He didn’t like all that vulnerability shit, he didn't want any of that soft stuff, and he did not want that level of emotional intimacy with anyone ever again. No, he didn’t want that, no one nor you or anyone else can change his mind. 

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

“Oh,” you're dejected, nodding your head at Jimin, Jungkook’s coworker. He told you that Jungkook wasn’t working for the rest of the week, and you now regret not texting him first rather than showing up unannounced and as much as you claim that any amount of money that you spend on Jungkook is worth coming to see him for, you should’ve thought rationally—the gas money it took you to get here from the office was at least worth a brand new pair of work pants from Zara. Smiling softly at Jimin, you bid him a farewell, walking out feeling your embarrassment from your heated skin, almost tripping on your feet on the way out with your head hung low from disappointment. 

“…” You hear your name, the gentle voice had a slight rasp to it this time and slowly your heartbeat quickens as your eyes look up from his combat boots to his face. He was fitted in black cargo pants and a black tee, the black ink also standing out with a new print behind his elbow. You don’t comment on it yet though, your eyes swell up from smiling real hard and at him. The bag you had in your hand came into view and you saw his eyes flick down to the greasy takeout boxes from his favourite restaurant. 

“Jeon, Hi!” you chirp a little loudly, after a beat of silence he breaks into a smile. But his eyes widened again, a little look of guilt, or was it confusion you didn’t know but you broke the awkward silence by holding up the bag again. 

“I thought you were working today and brought some food, I-i’m sorry I probably should have texted you first, but I didn’t want to-” you stop, huffing at your own ramble and Jungkook’s eyes seem to puff up, his grin widening from ear to ear and that seems to calm you down, it brought some sort of comfort to your erratic heartbeat. Oh god, it was beating so hard you just wished he didn’t see it beating out from your chest. Because for one he looks extremely beautiful outside of his work outfit, and two his smile just seems to always brighten up your days. After all, he was a whole beautiful galaxy in your eyes.

“Ahh I wish you texted me I-” he stuttered, walking past you to reach the little cupboards in front of the office you just bided Jimin goodbye from. His voice was a little rushed as he grabbed his forgotten wallet from his desk and stood back in front of you. 

“I- I’m going out right now and” 

“Jungkookie” a voice interrupts him and you can see the look of horror in his eyes flashing with shame and terror. You give him a confused look, you didn’t know why you read that frenzy expression on his face, and why it was there.  Until a girl appears through the doors of the garage and you see him shut his eyes when she grabs onto his bicep, looking over at you. 

“Did you find your wallet?” she asks and you blink up, your heart clenching at the tight grip she has on his arm. You don’t let it show though, you knew that deep down Jungkook had girls lining up for him, he was just that kind of guy. You twist the bag back behind your frame and Jungkook’s eyes flick from your hands to your eyes, he’s watching you carefully as if he was concerned about you.

“Yeah, yeah I did,” he says, clearing his throat awkwardly. The woman was beautiful, she had long blonde hair, clad in a cute red sundress that showed off her well-built long legs, and her bright smile that could probably light up anyone's world, maybe it already lit up Jungkook’s world, just like his own smile did to yours.

“Oh hi, Celeste” she introduces herself, and outstretches her hand, you shake it, giving her a wide smile. You didn’t want Jungkook to know that slowly your heart was tugging apart inside, and that bile was probably rising up and had the sudden urge to vomit out your stomach's contents of breakfast and coffee. 

“…” you introduce yourself and Jungkook gives you a tight lip smile his nystagmic eyes missed nothing, but you also avoid them, avoid his being while Celeste beams about the garage and the random Corvette that’s being fixed up. Easing into some easy-going conversations, and more small talk about the party they're going to attend after, meanwhile, your heart clenched and twisted with a wicked feeling of jealousy, eyes zeroing in on her hand on Jungkook’s bicep. It looked natural like it was the millionth time she was doing this and you didn’t how much longer you could take it, seeing him with someone else. 

“I- ’m going to go now, I hope you guys have a good time at the party,” you uttered after you all chatted for a while, and Jungkook’s eyes softened at the tight expression on your face–a lacklustre smile on your lips, he can see right through you, he knows you're disappointed, upset- but not angry. 

“Wait, you should totally come, it’ll be a good time,” she suggests and you flinch slightly, looking over at Jungkook who gives you a tight smile, almost as if he was uncomfortable with the idea because his lips primed, and his brows knitted into a frown. You chuckle uneasily, waving your hand in a dismissive way before turning your head away from them a moment.

“Oh c’mon, it’ll be fun and if you know Jungkookie here im sure you’ll get along with the others at the party” You almost vomit from the nickname, the very cute and intimate nickname that falls from her mouth naturally, her hand rubbing his bicep in a soothing manner. Your face heats up from frustration and embarrassment because Jungkook clearly did not want you to accept yet you open your mouth to accept, giving Jungkook one last glance that has you nervously nipping at the bottom of your lip. 

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

You're on the sidewalk, nervous and jittery from entering the three-story home overflowing with people inside and out, bobbleheads scattered all over the top terrace to the front yard. Red cups are held in everybody’s hand, either filled with alcohol or any pop of their choice, but the way drunken bodies move and shout has you thinking of the latter option. Your bottom lip is tucked underneath your teeth, bare legs stuck to the ground as you contemplate the house, you didn't know what you were doing here, to be honest. 

Jungkook definitely did not want you there, you were absolutely terrified of entering this stranger's party, and Celeste was probably just trying to be nice by inviting you yet you had bitter feelings towards her. What were you trying to prove? Show Jungkook that you were better than her, dressed into a tight crochet dress you’ve decided to borrow from your friend, about to step into a sea of people you didn't know and the only person that did– clearly showed his disinterest in wanting you there. 

The look on his face showed his frustration and apprehension in not wanting you at the party as if he had something to hide, but that gave you all the push to come, maybe prove to him that you are as cool and as beautiful as Celeste. You wanted to mingle with his friends and converse with others to show Jungkook that you could fall in with his crowd.

Underneath all the nervousness and stress you are feeling, you feel a little brave and confident in the quite revealing, short dress, hair locks cascading down your back with glittery makeup on to emphasize your features. You hoped that if you were to approach Jungkook tonight that he would drop his mouth open, maybe discreetly look you up while you talk and enjoy yourself. You just want to show Jungkook how cool you could be, you could show him what he could have instead and in a perfect world, he would finally realize his feelings for you and come running to hug your waist and bury his boyish face into your neck, telling you how much he loves you.

 But this isn’t a perfect world, clearly when the first thing you see is a girl sitting on Jungkook’s lap on the couch when you walk in, and that girl was not Celeste but rather a brunette wearing a backless top. 

Your blink back pathetic tears, as you shift from one foot to the other. You were at a safe enough distance for them not to notice you but you also felt like throwing up, felt your heart shatter even harder than before because of one thing you never thought Of course Jungkook would turn out to be a fuck boy. A boy who flies through girls easily, bedding and dipping fast. What did you expect?

You figured that out by deciding to stay unnoticed at the party for a couple of hours, waiting for a time that he wasn’t occupied with shoving his tongue down someone’s throat. You counted at least 3, 4, maybe 5 women who had successfully approached him to share spit, your breaking point was when he decided to take the last girl upstairs, where the rooms were and you swore you could have met his eyes for a second as well, but you were quick to rush out that door and back into your car, steadying your breathing.

Pathetic of you to think that Jungkook was the soft and sweet boy you thought, you saw him smirk your way when he had the last girl on his lap, probably sensing your gaze on him finally he decided to hook her legs up to his waist and carry her up the stairs, putting a show on for you, it's as if he was mocking you. You could feel your heart detach itself from your chest, tears streaming down the face that you spent beating up the last two hours. 

A tiny scoff leaves your lips, mind replaying that stupid devilish smirk on his stupidly handsome face.

He knew what he was doing, clearly.

How naive and in your head, you were to think that maybe just maybe Jungkook would have feelings for you and surely you thought that his actions and kind-heartedness towards you were special but seeing the way he held and softly caressed other girls, playing with their hair–showed that you would never be one of those girls. You want to be more than that though. 

He was a good man, he would never intentionally hurt you and you blame yourself for your tears–if only you told him if only you sat him down and talked to him about your undying love. But then again, it’s been months of dropping hints and months of flirting with him surely he would know you had feelings for him? Would he really deliberately hurt you like this?

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Jungkook couldn’t believe that when he woke up the next morning he was still at the party, sweat running down his back and neck making his skin sticky and gross. As he looked around he was all alone in the bed groaning when he saw the pair of panties on the nightstand with a little handwritten note beside him (Call me sometime ;)!) a phone number attached. Grudgingly he got up and threw out the note, grumbling in disgust, he managed to make it out the front door fully dressed, with his car perfectly intact and parked in the driveway. Looking back at the house small memories started coming back to him and your face flashed right through his mind, in that pretty little skimpy dress. Short that it almost flashed your ass with every step you took, catching the attention of all the boys at the party. 

He scoffed at the memory, especially when he remembered the way your face broke out into horror every time you saw him with a different girl each time that night. Honestly, he was hoping you hadn’t come to the party just so you didn’t see that side of him. That side of him that he hasn’t matured and grown out of.  You were probably hurt you weren't one of them, probably jealous of the girls he had kissed and fucked but he’s glad you weren’t one of them.

He would never disrespect you like that, if he was going to do things with you he would do it right. He would do it right as in take you out on several dates, confessing his love, and hopefully make you his girlfriend by the end of it. That’s the right way, the morally good and safe way to do things. He thinks that’s what you would have wanted, that's what you would have expected from him. But Jungkook doesn’t want that, he doesn’t like pre-planned things, he doesn’t like expectations, nor does he like the idea of being tied down. 

But above all Jungkook doesn’t want to hurt you, hurt the fragile soul of yours that preplans and expects and sees the world in all shades of rainbows and unicorns. Call him a little cynical, a pessimist, (he is) but Jungkook likes the unexpected spontaneous nature of life that randomly brang what belonged to him when he needed it. He liked for things to fall in place and although to a certain extent, he should put in some work for what he wanted he knew that he didn’t want anything romantic to do with anyone right now. Maybe he should let you know then to keep letting your hopes up, but something so gut-wrenching and heart-shattering about seeing you hurt that Jungkook didn’t like. He lived to see the colour in your face, your enthusiasm and the way you’d go hours and hours talking about everything and anything.

And since Jungkook is so convinced that you both would be better off as friends than romantic lovers, why does he have this terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach when he doesn’t see you for the next month? He doesn’t get the bubbly feeling and breath knocked out of him when he sees you walk in with one of your sundresses, only disappointment and beer bellies walking into his shop. He sighs, frustration clear on his face while he tightens the bolts on the bottom of the engine.

Jimin takes cautious notice of his mood throughout the weeks, he watched his eyes always flicker to the door whenever the bell chimes and the disappointment that settled into his eyes after, tells Jimin that maybe he’s looking out for a special chatty bird.

“What’s with you?” Jimin asks, nudging him on the shoulder.

“What’s with what?” faux disinterest laced in his tone.

“You have this sadness oozing out of you and I think it may have something to do with our favourite little customer huh?” he says with a grin and Jungkook chuckles.

“Is it that obvious?” he scoffs and Jimin shrugs.

“Yeah I mean, she hasn’t come in a while and your eyes practically jump to the door every time it chimes,” he treads, and Jungkook groans.

“She won’t answer my texts either, nothing” Jungkook sighs, wiping his oiled hands on his overalls.

“What’d you do?”

“Nothing”

“What’d you do Jungkook.”

“Seriously I don’t know, I’m confused myself,” Jungkook sighs.

“Managed to already hurt her feelings?” Jimin treads around the topic, not wanting to anger Jungkook but also get it out of him. 

He knows your little innocent crush on his friend here, he knows you come in to fix every little thing (although unnecessary really) just to see Jungkook. He knows how Jungkook rolls, he wouldn’t be into the stuff where you date and do all the sappy shit— he didn’t like expected romance, he was more into hookups and spontaneous fucks something you obviously weren’t made for.

“What you think I did something?” He scoffs and Jimin sighs. “She’s just sensitive, she probably saw me with someone at the party, and I didn’t want her to come in the first place but she did and she ended up seeing shit she didn’t like” Jungkook blurts and Jimin hums.

The truth summarised. 

“So really I did nothing, she showed up and she didn’t like what she saw” he shrugs, and Jimin scoffs.

“Why didn’t you want her there?” Jimin asks and Jungkook really wishes he didn’t ask that because he knew the answer. He knew he didn’t want you there because he had a fear of disappointing you and showing you the side of him that he secretly hates, the side where he made out with multiple women and fucked carelessly and to make matters worse he made sure it was in front of you.

Why did he care what you think of him? He doesn’t know and quite frankly he didn’t want to get into that variegated emotions and thoughts because now was not the time. He really thought that the best way of getting you away from him was to hurt you and he knows he did because he saw all the tears slip out of your eyes when you hastily wiped them away at the sight of Jungkook taking another woman upstairs to fuck, he knew by the way you hurriedly scurried out the door in the skimpy little adorable dress that you probably wore just for him. 

Jungkook knew what you felt in your heart, you were very easy to read and he wasn’t dumb. You're pretty predictable and now he regrets not walking up to you normally instead of forcing his tongue down a random woman's throat to purposely hurt you.

Why? He couldn't tell you.

You deserved more, he wanted you to know you deserved more and maybe you finally realized that Jungkook was horrible and that it wasn't worthwhile having a crush on him but why does the lack of you in his life sting his heart. Why does it leave a bitter taste on the back of his tongue, and he can’t shake you out of his mind? 

Jesus

He knew he grew accustomed to your company, he knew that much was true yet when you didn’t show up to the shop as your bubbly old self and did not answer his texts…. has him feeling like shit.

“I didn’t want her there because that wasn’t her type of thing” he answers after a long pause and Jimin gets busy with his task in hand, screwing up the tire in place.

“Uh-huh,” he said off-puttingly and Jungkook raises an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Oh nothing…it’s just that—-You’re a shitty fucking person Jungkook” Jimin chuckles.

“How?” he asks

“Because you’re not honest with yourself, so you end up hurting people for no reason” he shrugs and his shoulder slump.

“You know she likes you, she’s harboured harmless feelings for you over a course of months and she cares for you, yet you end up treating her like shit when she dresses up for you and shows up to a party only to see you deliberately shove your tongue down throats in front of her because you wanted her to ‘back off,” Jimin huffs, air quoting “back-off” with his fingers and Jungkook suddenly feels exposed. A chilling and unsettling feeling rumbled from his chest.

“You don’t even want her to back off, I know you like her back just as much but you just self-sabotage because of your past but guess what Jungkook,” Jimin pauses, hands up to show his frustration.

“ ‘...’ isn’t Sora. You don’t always have to have this facade of smugness and nonchalance. It isn't attractive anymore,” Jimin spat when he finished his job, rubbing his hands with the towel as he walked back into the break room, leaving Jungkook to simmer inside his thoughts.

Damn

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

There is a foundation; eating, sleeping, and the occasional exercise that science proves helps our quality of life. Physically, these are all fundamental elements that help us live a long and fulfilling life (mostly), yet as you grow older and older you no longer depend on your parents to tie your shoes for you and start to form your own perspective on life, and what is most important to you. You realise there is more to life than just being, you no longer want to live for the purpose of living so you go out and find it. 

You go out and seek the purpose for what you’ve been placed in this cruel world for, and somewhere along the journey, you start longing and yearning for something that is out of your reach. You create an unrealistic romanticized version of life in your subconscious mind. Outlets such as books, poetry, and movies may portray these very impractical ways of life in such beautiful and, again, (unrealistic) perspectives, which in the end can conflict with your conscious mind when you come face to face with these scenarios in reality and you’re left unsatisfied.

You expect and set life on this high pedestal to only then realize…. that life is much more complicated and disappointing. Depressing even to comprehend just how hard it is to live, just how hard it is to show vulnerability, to talk about feelings–to show them, to love, to accept, to forgive, to grieve.

It’s hard, truly.

That’s what Jungkook thinks you do, he thinks you’re so bubbly and energetic– so hopeful because you think of life as this big cloud of unicorn dust and stars that shine brighter than the sun.

He sees the hopefulness in the roundness of your eyes, and the adoration that they carry; so much adoration. Especially for him, and it scares the absolute shit out of him. He wishes he didn’t see life from a more cynical view, call him pessimistic but Jungkook would rather already have disappointment set into him like a wired robot and expect the worst of every situation than have that hopeful naive stare you have in your shimmery eyes, expecting everything to go the way you make things out to be only to be left pained in the end.

Yeah…hurt and pained.

Jungkook was always hyper-fixated on being disappointed in the grand scheme of all things, and he only believed that he could feel this way. He could only be the one disappointed but when he sees your lone self sitting in the diner you brought him over for lunch a couple of months ago, chewing on a lame piece of fry, eyes tired and looking down into your milkshake he stiffens.

Visibly, Jimin notices and follows his line of vision, eyes landing on your form that carelessly runs through fries and the book you have on your lap. You seem tranquil, a vibe that neither Jimin nor Jungkook can wrap their heads around but when your head lifts up and your eyes scan the room you finally find his eyes. And Jungkook winces at the loss of joy and passion in them for him. It’s like the fire that kept burning in them full of love and hope was lit out. He half expects you to look back down at your book and avoid him, forgetting that you ever saw him but when you shyly wave and shoot him a smile Jungkook doesn’t think but walks towards your booth–which he now realises is the very same one you both sat in the last time.

“Hey,” you greet, voice hoarse and still soft. Jungkook was lost just staring at you, his eyes dancing across your dainty figure and locking in on the new tattoo on your forearm. It wasn’t big but it was big enough to notice right away, a cute star with a soft circle ringing around it.

“Hey babe, how’s it going?” Jimin asks concern laced in his voice as your eyes softly crinkle from smiling too hard at the pet name. Jungkook stares, heart beating faster as he hears the tired strain in your voice, you seem sunken and look smaller than before. Your eyes don't shine as bright and the glee in your voice was gone.

“Oh I got my car broken into, and my phone was stolen so sorry I didn’t see any of your messages” You blush lightly, your voice growing softer at the end. That explains why you haven’t answered any of his texts and why you didn’t return any of his calls. But he was still trying to figure out what had happened to your energy.

“You taking care of yourself?” Jungkook finally speaks up and your eyes look back and forth,` unable to hold the contact as you clear your voice and look away.

“Yeah, im doing well” You muster a smile and gesture for both of them to join you in the booth.

….

You exchanged your new number with Jimin and Jungkook, walking out of the booth after catching up. You decided to sell your car and invest in another you told them.

The cold breeze of the air kicks in as the moon farewells the sun— and darkness completely takes over the swirl of orange and pink that has painted the sky. Jimin wishes you both a good night and Jungkook lingers a bit longer by your car, looking at you.

“Let me drive you back home” he suggests with a small smile, “You’ve had some drinks” he explains and you chuckle lightly.

“Uhh it’s pretty far Jungkook, how would you get back?” you ask and Jungkook takes the keys from your hand.

“I'll bus back” He smiles and you nod, heart fluttering a million times harder inside the tight confinement of your chest.

Missing Jungkook was an understatement, you’ve done nothing but flaunter your interest in him and shower him with all your attention and love in the past. All you wanted was for him to either reject you or accept you. He was confusing, and although deep down your love for him rapidly grew like wildfire in your heart, the same love that he had shrugged off. The same love that he takes advantage of and deliberately strung along just for his own vile entertainment and pleasure, just for his ego to be nourished from time to time again is the same love…… that realized that you deserved better.

In the grand scheme of all things you had realized that Jungkook could never give you want and need, he won't ease your heart by reassuring you nor would he give you the love you deserve, the stability you deserve. 

And instead of wasting your time chasing after him, who clearly has different motives and different goals for his future, you decided to finally set him free, take a step back, and explore other options in your life.

The least you could do to guard your heart against his cruel ways.

When you’re cute coworker started taking interest in you, you decided to go on a few dates with him over the past month. You weren’t official yet but he made you happy, he truly did. He was the softest most kind-hearted boy, that’s what you used to think Jungkook was or wished he was like.

You idealized Jungkook, you’ve built such unrealistic standards of him and put him on the highest pedestal that you could possibly find. The tattoos, his body, and luscious raven hair were all a blinding vision, all romanticization.

And you feel guilty for doing that, which is why you had stopped coming to see him for a while. You had to clear your mind and stop being a delusional little 13-year-old. You’re a grown 25-year-old woman who has a career, and a promising future. You wanted to get married have children and do the unimaginable most basic cliche things in between. You realized that waiting around for Jungkook would set you back. 

This doesn’t mean you regret the past year of pinning and being whipped after him, you genuinely had a fun time but the sooner you realized the harsh reality, the softer the blow would be, and you wouldn't have to go through a traumatic heartbreak. Or you hoped.

The ride to your house is ghost quiet, only the bustling horns of cars and skyline and street lights illuminate the car, casting a beautiful shimmer onto his face. The soft tune of Sabrina Claudio playing on the radio, humming along quietly as you look out the window.

“Time will be frozen….for us” you sing lowly, and Jungkook takes a second to look at your side profile, a smile growing on his lips.

“You have a nice voice,” he compliments and you giggle shyly, staying quiet and humming along some more. 

You soon arrive at your condo, he parked your car in the garage. You invite him over for some food and made some pasta for the both of you silently eating on your kitchen island, conversation flowing slightly awkwardly with little pauses in between to rack your brain for topics. You could tell he was treading carefully, tentatively and hyperaware. You can see it in the way he speaks between pauses, and actions so timid it’s so unlike him.

“This dress is really pretty,” his hands tug lightly at the laces on the end, skimming your upper thigh lightly. You smile, patting the short piece of fabric down your thighs and Jungkook licks his lips. Eyes land on the white lace garter around your left thigh, catching a sight of it by accident when you hike it up your thigh.

He raises an eyebrow, clearing his throat as you lightly smirk. Suddenly the tensions in the air change, and you lean in closer.

“Thanks, I got it as a gift last week,” you smile, absentmindedly sighing at the way Yoongi bought you the dress to wear for their date, he was supposed to come over later tonight, so you desperately wished to get rid of Jungkook as soon as possible. 

“Are you going to bus back soon, it’s getting late,” you move your body away from his, taking the opportunity to clean the dishes while putting space between the two of you. He lingered confused, staring at you intently as if in deep thought, you can see from your peripheral vision. All of a sudden the air around the both of you got thick, and your heartbeat picked up as soon as he came around beside you, helping you dry the dishes.

“Why am I not welcome anymore?” He jokes, setting the plates down on the drying rack. He slowly trails behind you, trapping both of his arms on either side of your body, leaning his head in slowly and you anticipate the feeling of his body flushed against you but it never comes. Jungkook paused, too busy staring at the bruising mark on your neck, his heart twisting uncomfortably.

Were you seeing someone? Is that why you stopped coming to see him for the past couple of months? He feels anger rising but subdued when you turn around, face inches away from him.

“What are you doing?” You ask and Jungkook scoffs, a bitter chuckle escaping his mouth as he takes a step back.

“If you want me to leave because your little boyfriend’s coming soon, you could’ve just said so” he tuts, and your eyes widen.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you say defensively, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

Jungkook crosses his arms, mockingly mirroring your pouty lips, “You don’t have to be so coy, just tell me to leave,” he says, and your eyes widen, your patience running thin as your blood boils in anger.

Who did he think he is?

Jungkook wanted you to tell him to leave, he wanted to prove a point. Show yourself that you still like him still. But what surprised him was the little smirk on your face, your arms suddenly crossing over to mirror his own and the way you gesture to the door with a tilt of your head.

This was it? Had you truly moved on…? Isn’t this what Jungkook wanted all along though? Why was his heart shattering inside his chest and the air suddenly felt warmer and thin around him? 

Why was the new glint of realization and unhinged gleam in your eyes bothering the fuck out of him. God damn it your eyes shined so much brighter and glowed a thousand times shinier than the moon could have whenever you saw him.

That used to always put his heart at ease, feeling wanted, he loved being desired. Especially when you would stare at him for hours and trace the tattoos along his arms, buy him food and talk his ear off. 

Why was that all gone from the look in your eyes, he felt the coldness in your stare probably caught on to the arrogance his words held, and the smugness he carried himself with.

So he’s surprised when he hears what he hears next.

“Please leave Jungkook, I have someone coming over,” you smile.

You didn’t let him get what he came for, you didn’t let him shatter your self-confidence, nor did you let him fill you with self-doubt. You're a changed woman….

——

Min Yoongi was a special man, a special man that held a special part in your heart. You’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months, and ever since he asked you to be his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago you’ve been head over heels. 

Driving him crazy by drowning him in kisses, and hugs, making him food at unprecedented times of the day and taking it over to him at the university he teaches at.

He was a physics professor, at the age of 30 living in a downtown complex just half an hour away from you(depending on traffic) and although the way you met was kind of unconventional you both had hit it off quite well.

He was the kindest, sweetest man ever, always so thoughtful of you, always treating you with the utmost respect and kindness you deserve. Ever since the last night you’ve seen Jungkook a month ago, the memory of him started fading away slowly, your heart healing and filling your mind with new and fonder memories. 

Like right now, sitting on Yoongi’s lap while he inspects your broken laptop, trying to fix the crashed document for you.

Smiling at him you hear him groan and you coo, kissing his cheek multiple times while he shuts down your computer again to refresh it.

“Baby, I think you need a new computer,” he sighs, taking off his glasses and finally giving you the attention you’ve asked for all night.

You kiss his lips, holding the sides of his face gently while he giggles. “It’s okay, as long as I have you,” you smile stupidly and Yoongi feels his chest tightening with love, butterflies pooling at the bottom of his stomach.

“Plus you can just use my computer for the time being,” he suggests and you nod, burying your head in the solace that was his neck, relaxing the rest of the afternoon in his embrace.

——

“Jimin, your customer is here to pick up his Audi,” Jungkook calls in from the reception area, sharing a brief smile with the young man dressed in a sharply tailored suit, raven hair and mullet cut. He was shorter than him and scrawnier but nonetheless, you could see his biceps buff and curl into the stretched material of his dress shirt. 

Jimin wipes the grease off his hands and onto his jumper, breaking out into a big grin as he shakes his hand. “Ahh Yoongi, good to see you,” he beams and Yoongi bows politely.

“Enough is my car fixed? No more leakage diarrhea?” He jokes with a quizzed eyebrow, earning a chuckle from him. 

“Nah no more liquid shit, let me show you,” he takes him to his car and Jungkook shakes his head with a smile on his lips. He had helped fix the diarrhea problem in the Audi, almost in the shop for a month as they had to wait for a piece they ordered to come. Apparently, his girlfriend has been giving him rides to work and back for the past couple of weeks.

Jungkook washed his hands, running a hand through his now short hair, and eyes trained on his phone, checking out the new sneaker shop downtown to try and visit and get Jimin a gift for his upcoming birthday.

He’s throwing a pool party at his parent's mansion, them being gone for the next couple of weeks. He booked a dj, and bartender and Invited a shit ton of people because according to his own words:

“You only turn 25 once, that’s halfway to the 50 and wrinkly old man that I’ll be” He justified his expensive irrational blow of money.

“Yoongi!” Jungkook hears, he knows this voice way too well. Familiar with the soft rasp to it, and the kindness of every syllable, he regrets it but he looks up. Finding you clad in a beautiful yellow sundress, the one that you wore that one time you came to visit and bring  him lunch, ready to spill about the contents of your day to him.

Your eyes hold a little surprise to them when you spot him and Jungkook wished the whole world swallowed him whole while he stared at you his heart started wildly beating, a specific clench on the left side as he regards your beautiful self. 

You have a life back in your eyes, a certain light and beam in the shines of your irises and his mind switches into a hopeful thought before he sees you look behind him and wave at the young gentlemen through the glass, talking to Jimin.

You look back at him, a certain softness to your eyes as you regard him and walk up closer. “It’s been so long Jeon, Hi,” you say, and Jungkook gulps when he waits for a beat longer to respond; stunned that you are really here, standing here talking to him, especially after the last time you both spoke.

“I’m good,” he responds, eyes glancing between your eyes and lips, then at the tattoo on your forearm. The little star with the winged circle, he assesses it, never had a chance to ask you about it. You slipped through his fingers faster than he would’ve liked. 

You nod, a frown replacing your face when he looks back at his phone, trying to ignore your presence. But really his heart was beating way too fast for his liking, heart clenching in pain and longing….regret.

You disappointedly turn away, a smile right back on your face when Yoongi comes back out with his car keys, he pulls you into his embrace, lingering a kiss on the top of your head.

Jungkook notices this and blinks owlishly.

What did he fucking miss?

“‘….’” Jimin says your name, a surprised gasp leaving his lips when he sees the interaction and in a split second he sends a knowing look to Jungkook, a smirk attached to his gaze.

Jungkook rolls his eyes and continues to watch you catch up with Jimin, blabbering about life and decisions and thinking of moving into the city. He didn’t really hear much because his gaze was on the way your handheld Yoongi’s thumb, squeezing it lightly in nervousness he thinks because you used to do that with him a lot. He grows more irritated when he sees the way you subtly lean your head onto his bicep and seek warmth and comfort in his embrace. Your eyes look everywhere and when they meet him again Jungkook decides to not look away holding your gaze with a pained look on his face you decide to send him a small smile and look away, leaning into Yoongi even further which makes Jungkook furious.

“I’ll send you the address, and don’t bring gifts, it's a no-gift birthday party,” he raised a finger in a warning and you giggled with a roll of your eyes.

“Whatever you say,” you sing, and leave hand in hand with Yoongi once you all exchange goodbyes.

Silence overtakes the garage, Jungkook’s eyes stay on the door that you just left from and finally looks away when Jimin chuckles—throwing an arm over Jungkook’s shoulder.

He sighs dreamily, rather dramatically Jungkook thinks, “If only you weren’t a fucking asshole that could’ve been you, lover boy,” he slaps his shoulder and Jungkook raises his arm, pushing Jimin off but he runs away with a squeal before Jungkook could slap him.

He comes back after a fit of giggles, “But man I hope you're okay,” he says more seriously giving Jungkook a sad smile.

“I’m fine,” he shrugs, showing indifference but the beating of his heart and the croak in his voice betray his words.

——

A beer in hand and other on his phone as he mindlessly scrolls through his feed, he enjoys the bustle outside of the party and the serene calm sound of waves crashing against each other at the terrace of Jimin’s parent's room. 

The party had started a couple of hours ago, not even halfway there as people mingle and talk. He even spotted you, a cute little two-piece clad on your curves. They had little sunflowers on them, small pathetic excuses of triangles covering your nipples but he could imagine the perky pebbles in his face as they erected through the material. The bottom half had a cute see-through mini skirt as a cover-up that covered the bikini yet exposed everything at the same time. 

You looked really good, and when you found his gaze you had sent him a small smile waving a little. But he had looked away escaping out to the terrace to stop himself from thinking about you. To bask in his own misery.

He couldn’t take the sight of you lovingly sitting on Yoongi’s lap, playing with his hair while he conversed around, a beer in his hand while he sat sprawled out on one of the lawn chairs. You had those love-sick eyes that he loved seeing yet he only realized he loved them when they were on him.

You whispered and kissed him lovingly, giggling into his neck as his hands held your hips.

Was he really that fucking funny?

He watched the way he teasingly released the strings on the side of your bathing suit and you gasped and slapped his arm away, quick to tie it back up.

He wished it were him.

Fuck,

He wished he didn’t fuck up, yet here he is fucking up even the friendship you possibly could have had but he cold-shouldered you every time you try and show any kindness, or start a conversation.

He sighs laying on his back while his bicep covers his eyes from the blaring sun, trying to clear his thoughts away from you. He needed to stop thinking of you before he tried to jump off the terrace…

It was indeed an enticing idea at this moment.

Limbs barely contained himself at the mere thought of you having him wanting to torture himself in all kinds of ways. And when he feels the weight of the door to the terrace close shut, a heavy sigh escapes him ready to tell the person occupying his peace to fuck off.

But the words die inside his throat and shove back down into his esophagus when he sees you standing there with a credulous look on your face. Your dainty bikini and mesh skirt that barely covers anything flows with the wind, and your hair also blows in the direction the gust is coming from. 

You look ethereal Jungkook thinks, standing there all meek with a guilty look on your face, looking prettier than ever and that’s when he catches himself slipping, a smile almost etched himself onto his lips and he’s quick to turn away and clear his throat. 

A practiced scowl takes over and he looks back at you again. 

“What?” He asks, he even grimaces when it comes out a bit more aggressively than he intended to, and he feels his heart tug at the pained expression on your face. 

He was angered all of a sudden, it was because of your presence that he was escaping the pool and when he finds you here again it just did something to him.

All the feelings and constant regret, the doubts and fears, what if’s all clouding his mind in an array of emotions either through sadness and agony, or jealousy and anger.

He decided that he feels both when it comes to you, he feels everything when it comes to you and he hates himself for the wrong timing of his realization because Jungkook is beyond repair, and damaged the foundations of your friends so easily, what makes him think he had a chance to get to any level of a relationship with you now that he’s acted like such an asshole towards you?

Jeon Jungkook, ladies and gentlemen.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt I just wanted to get the donut floaty…” you trail off and your face suddenly starts getting warm from the embarrassment you feel from the exaggerated bored expression on his face. If a look could make you cry, it would be the one on his face right now.

“Or never mind I’ll come back for it-” You turn around and roll your eyes.

“You can grab it, I don’t care,” he says, laying back down on his back, glancing up at the clear sky.

You mutter out a weak ‘okay’ and quickly dig through the pile of junk in the corner near Jungkook’s chair. 

Fuck, Jungkook thinks taking a glance at you only to see you bent down, ass puckered out, bikini barely covering your nether region and he uses all the strength in him to look away.

“Can you find it any faster?” He grumbles, getting up to help you search for the damn floaty just so you can get out of here and he doesn’t have your presence interrupting his sulking thoughts…. of well…..you.

“I got it Jungkook you can sit back down,” you sigh, and he mutters curse words underneath his breath cursing whichever wicked person decided to let the fucking universe let this moment happen. 

Once you find the floaty Jungkook also realized he’s also grabbed a part of it, bringing it up at the same time as you, and it’s when you face him that he notices the close proximity between the both of you. You have a sharp stare aimed right at him and Jungkook moves in closer, eyes challenging yours while he slowly bends down to your level.

You breathe out a scoff when he’s near and Jungkook licks his lips, and it’s as if time freezes when he sees the same action of your tongue darting out that he has a small spark of hope lit off inside of him. The hurtful want in his heart tugging him towards you until he’s breathing you in, eyes casting down your face until the worst thing he deemed to be in the ENTIRE WORLD happens.

“Baby did you find the float!” 

Your boyfriend calls out, voice closer to the terrace and you scramble away from Jungkook, pushing at his chest gently while you manage to grasp the floaty in your hands.

“Yes Yoongi I’m coming,” you yell back, pausing at the door for a moment and Jungkook hopes with his whole heart that you turn around. Because if you do then the spark of hope in him…will ignite, it will give him the courage to try again.

But when you linger around longer than usual he sees you walk off without turning back for a single glance his way.

Damn.

———

Jungkook doesn’t see you for the next couple of months, randomly only getting updates from you on your Instagram that he stalks way too often than he should be. It was a guilty pleasure of his reality, it was his way of checking in on you without having to text you and he thought it was safer that way.

It was safer for his heart, and to save himself from embarrassment. But when Jungkook got off the clock today, showered and ready in bed to continue with his daily stalking, he noticed something different on your page. Something was missing and after staring at it for so long he realized the annoying lovesick hand-holding and disgustingly cute couple picture you had up of you and Yoongi—we’re all gone. Not even that you had taken down all your selfie picture he would stare at for hours, but that didn’t kill his mood. 

He was so beyond happy to see that maybe- just maybe you and Yoongi had broken up. Why else would you take down those photos? And every other selfie you had posted between the time period of you two dating. He wonders what’s changed, eager to know what had happened but Jungkook takes this as a sign from god and decides to send you a simple text, something not out of the ordinary. Maybe he shouldn’t consider how things went the last couple of encounters he’s had with you but what can he do?

The only girl he’s ever truly loved and cared for had finally learned her worth and moved on from him.

Ironic of him, truly

Wow he really was a shitty person.

To put things in that perspective Jungkook winces at the way he treated you, he strung you along, embarrassed you, and you took a strike to your dignity because of him.

He claimed that was because he wasn’t ready, or that his past relationship had haunted him, but really…Jungkook loved the attention. He loved it so he sometimes indulged in it, not really thinking about how it would have affected you in the long run.

You: ‘Sorry who is this?’

Had you really deleted his number?

JayKay: ‘It’s Jungkook’

You: ‘Oh uhh… sure we can meet up

His heart races in his chest, cheeks blazing as he finally gets to see you again. Maybe he’d apologize.

Hopefully.

JayKay: ‘Tomorrow I get off at noon, come by and we’ll grab some lunch :)?’

You: ‘Sure’

Jungkook can only hope that you accept the apology that he provides and hopefully his heart.

——

How Jungkook finds himself buried between your legs, your hands wrapped into his black locks while he madly eats at your cunt, he has no idea. But he sure does love the way you whine and sing soft moans out for him, head thrown back while you try and stay seated on the passenger seat of the car he was currently fixing, kneeling on the floor, legs half out the door and on his shoulders.

Shit, he didn’t know his form of apology would come in this way. 

But it just happened.

He holds your thighs open, tongue dipping out to softly lick and tease your folds, come back up to see your cunt spread open, flushed and glistening with his saliva spread so good, he groans.

“God I’ve been wanting to know what you tasted like for so long,” he groans, eyes still admiring his coat of spit on your warm cunt.

“Oh please Jungkook,” you moan, and he smiles coming up to quickly peck you as he gathers the saliva around his teeth, mouth pouting out a spike of spit and it lands straight onto your clit.

“Oh yes!” you pant, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel the spit run down your cunt and onto your ass. Jungkook dives right back in, taking both his hands to spread open your folds and nudge his tongue in, shaking his head to also nose at your clit. Your legs shake at the intense pleasure and all of a sudden you feel the sudden knot in your lower stomach form. 

“Oh fuck yes!” You moan out loud, and Jungkook takes this opportunity to come up for air and latch onto your clit, deeming you wet enough to plunge two fingers in. He moved in vampire speed, the soft moans and loud strings of his name only spurring him on, feeling your cunt gush and flutter every few seconds has him riled up in his overalls.

“Needed you for so long, now you're falling apart all over my tongue,” he moans into your cunt, indulging in your taste a little longer until he pulls his fingers out and detaches his mouth from your cunt with one last kiss to it.

“Fuck, stand up”  he says with a grin and disheaveled hair, you got up wobbling on your feet and Jungkook wraps his arms around your waist.

He tugs you closer and cups his other hand around your jaw, kissing your lips with a fierce passion that has your stomach turning and aching with want, butterflies fly throughout your bodies and onto each other clashing with the lacklustre of unsaid emotions between you two: ultimately making this moment even more passionate.

Fuck Jungkook thinks, hands now gripping your waist in an attempt to pull you flush against his pelvis and when you whimper into the kiss he detached himself with one final suck on your tongue and a slow bite on your bottom lip, eyes fiercely gazing down into your own. 

“Fuckkk you're so pretty,” he whispers, eyes skimming down your face, swollen lips, puffy cheeks and you smile coyly, shyly shoving at his chest for the compliment. 

“Come here,” he grins sitting inside the passenger seat of the car, reclining the chair all the way down before he gestures for you to come sit on him.

You throw your legs around his body, straddling him as his hands travel down and grab the flesh of your ass to scoot you closer.

“I didn’t mean my lap babe,” he smirks, and you quirk an eyebrow in confusement, when he manhandles you and drives your legs up higher his body, that’s when you understand and gasp softly.

“A-are you sure?” you ask, concern laced your voice and Jungkook grins, licking his lip as he aligns you over his face, your knees digging into the headrest space that’s available, arms grabbing the ceilings of the 4x4. When he nods in encouragement and you hesitate he delivers a slight smack to your clit making you jolt forwards but he knew you like it when a gush of arousal seeps out of you.

“Mmm okay ok, please tell me if I hurt you, I don’t wanna kill you,” you murmur the last part and Jungkook chuckles. 

“I’d die a happy man,” he smirk before spreading open your lips with his fingers, tongue darting out to lick and suck at your clit with a surprising pressure and Jungkook chuckles when you jolt forwards.

He buries his hand around the flesh of your thighs and holds you down so you don’t run away. “Ride my fucking face,” he grunts, and you don’t hesitate this time, sitting done properly on his face so that his nose aligns with your clit and your folds aim for his tongue. You breathlessly moan when you start moving up and down, and letting Jungkook bring you closer to your high.

“Feels so good,” you whine and Jungkook continues slurping up your cunt juices making sure to help you grind down on his face to get off. 

“Taste”, kiss, “So”, kiss, “Good” he says in between dipping his tongue into your cunt, feeling you pulse and flutter around him and he knows you're close.

“Gonna cum?” he asks and you whine, nodding your head eagerly. You place your fingers in between strands of his hair and slightly angle his face deeper into your clit so he can get you to your end.

Jungkook absolutely loves that you're using him, mouth open wide as he stares into your eyes, stains of tears running down your cheek at the intense pleasure, fuck.

He bucks his hip up to search for any type of release, and then suddenly he feels your legs shake in his grasp, and your head lolling back.

“Oh my god! Yes!” you moan out, riding his face faster and Jungkook braces himself for a couple of seconds to get you off, feeling himself suffocating underneath you, but he lets it happen. His arms loosen around your thighs as you bury yourself deeper into his face.

“Ahh, yes, ohhhh,” you drag out your moans and Jungkook groans against you, hand coming up to smooth over the skin of your thigh in an attempt to lift you off him.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry,” you flush from embarrassment, feeling the heat on your cheeks sore throughout your whole body. You raise yourself up for a moment, cheekily grinning down at his glistened face. You gasp, flying to gather your shirt that had flown off in the process of this, grabbing it to wipe his face meekly, softly dabbing it onto his skin.

“What are you doing?” he chuckles and you wiggle back down to straddle his thighs, softly placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.

You’ve missed him so much.

You let your eyes linger on his features, the same ones that you had imprinted into your own head for months, the same bubbly nose, thick eyebrows, and doe eyes that hadn’t been able to leave your mind for the past year. Even when you were in a committed relationship you couldn’t shake them away, even if you were happy with Yoongi you couldn’t shake him away. 

He was one of the reasons why your relationship with Yoongi didn’t work out, amongst others. The guilt was too much, committing to Yoongi when you knew that your heart yearned for another, your mind had that bunny smile plastered in every corner of your mind. 

The same pearly whites that he flashes at your curious eyes gazing down his face, and into his eyes.

“What?” he asks and you shake away from your daze, shyly grinning as you hop off his lap to adjust your skirt.

No.

You don’t want to put your heart through the torture of not knowing where you stand with Jungkook, again. You don’t want the uncertainty and all the doubt it comes with being involved with him.

So you take this time to collect yourself and ask him why he had texted you to come over, surely getting sidetracked this way wasn’t on the agenda that much you can tell by the surprised expression on his face and the initial shock on his tongue meeting your own in a fiery kiss when you first came in.

You cross your arms and smooth down your shirt and skirt, “Why did you text me last night?” you asked.

Jungkook properly wipes his mouth and sits up at the edge of the car to face you, eyes blinking cowardly while he racks his brains for a reason, you think. A reason to mask the truth of course because you know him. This is what he does, leading you into the mud until he doesn't need you.

But you want your answer now and you want it fast. You're tired of playing games with him.

After a prolonged silence, you start to sigh heavily and turn away from him making sure to hide away your broken heart and tear welding eyes from his own.

“I missed you alright, I really did” Jungkook blurts, stopping you in your tracks.

You turn around to face him, an expecting look on your face for him to continue, he blinks doe eyes absolutely lost and your brain moving 200km/hour, you can tell.

Chuckling you throw your head back and scoff, “Is it really that hard for you to tell me you like me?” you ask.

Jungkook’s face goes red, not denying or adding to your statement simply standing up to dust his overalls. You cross your arms over each other raising a brow at his silence.

He doesn’t say anything. After a beat of silence, you scoff, shaking your head in disbelief as you walk out of the garage, without a look back and Jungkook gulps back the lump in his throat. Distracting himself with the car he was working on, the car he had just eaten you out on top of, and his heart clenches repeatedly at your expression of disappointment from him. 

Forever printed into his mind.

—

“I thought you said this was a frat party, not a crack house” you complain, pulling the bottom of your short dress down with every step you take into the house. Hoseok snorts, hand reaching out for yours and you slip your fingers together.

“Do me a favour and shut up for a minute.” he rolls his eyes, eyes teasingly glaring at you. Reaching the living room, Hoseok finally lets go of your hand, calling over his shoulder that he’s getting drinks for the both of you. 

You huff, sitting down on one of the love seats, pulling your phone out. A bunch of hollers and whistles are heard throughout the house but one side of the room drives your attention, glancing at the other side of the huge living space you notice the ping pong games going on. Your eyes curiously dance over to the corner and see a familiar build, he’s shoving his tongue down a girl's throat, a circle of people surrounding them. 

You scoff, of course. When said man winks at her and tries to crane his neck, his eyes meet your own briefly, and you look away quickly. You are not surprised that Jungkook’s getting turnt at a random party with yet another woman. Unaffected anymore you look away, Hoseok finally coming back with drinks and you mumble thanks as he sits beside you, and starts conversations with the people around him. 

Your eyes lift once more and an even more shocking pair of eyes meet yours and at this, your heart leaps a little, it’s Yoongi looking even more handsome with long jet-black hair, his arms and chest looking buffer than normal. He sports a black button-up opened up with a white tank top, baggy cargo and a chain so shiny you can see your reflection.

“Oh ‘....’, Hello” he smiles, a shaky breath escaping him, you smile so wide, immediately jumping up on your feet to greet him, arms wrapping around his neck and his arms around your frame, pulling you so close to him your feet lift off the floor.

“How’s it going,” You sigh, pulling away.

“Good, calm and peaceful,” he lets you go and you smile.

“Just how you like it huh,” and he chuckles.

 “So what, you’re done your placement in New York?” you ask about his job that had stationed him there for a few months, right after your breakup.

“Yeah I finally got a permanent placement here,” he trails off, his arms itching towards you but he wraps them around his biceps instead, crossing them. The obvious instinct to reach out to each other is still fresh, muscles twitching into comfort soothing touches on each other's warm skin. You felt it too, felt your arms reach for his dark locks but had half a mind to control yourself, instead you smile so fondly that your heart squeezes so tightly. 

Two lovers who star gazed, spent hours upon hours in each other’s bed, body intertwined, souls intertwined. It’s a bittersweet moment, and you think Yoongi can feel it too, with the way his smile matches your own. 

You’ve always appreciated Yoongi, and always will. He was the first person that taught you what love meant, the first person to show you how you should be loved. Perhaps in another lifetime, you two would have been end-game, you think you’d be in love with him so hard. You don’t believe in the right person wrong time, but you sure do believe that Yoongi and you were meant to be in another universe, another era of your life…..if your heart wasn’t already struggling with the feelings of another man, you’d think that Yoongi would've been for you. 

—

Jungkook’s eyes stay glued to the way you smile and the way your hands naturally intertwine with Yoongi’s, animatedly talking. Yoongi matched the smile you sport, a gummy smile he reserved for you, otherwise, his eyes were stern, a look so means that people could think he was killing em with it. 

The dynamic between you two was weird, you guys seemed as if you have nothing in common, you are so bubbly and outgoing and Yoongi just seems so- unbothered and low energy. Jungkook guesses that you both mesh perfectly despite the differences like you both were end-game even broken up and it has him discouraged. 

You looked so happy, and Jungkook cursed under his breath, insecurity and jealousy bubbling inside of him. 

“We shouldn’t,” you say, and Jungkook’s ear perks up nicely looking at the way your gaze softly cracks its calm facade, distress clearly on your face as you turn and find his gaze. Yoongi’s head turns his way as well and he has half a brain to look away. You must have said something about him because what is the coincidence of the both of you looking his way at the same time? 

He notices Yoongi is not by your side by the end of the night. You get out at the same time as him.

“You good?” he asks, eyes watching the way your frame sways side to side, eyes slightly puffy and glossy, but you still have a smile on your face. Maybe you’re a bit tipsy.

“Yes Jungkook, im good” you sigh, and he doesn’t miss the slight irritation in your voice.

“Good….. that's, good” it falls silent between you both and Jungkook lingers around, staring at your side profile as you type away on your phone. He doesn’t know why he stays around for longer but he talks again, to get the conversation going.

“I was thinking about what you said last time…” he trails off, he wasn’t lying he was thinking about the last conversation you both had, but he didn’t mean to tell because he has no idea where he is going with this.

“Okay,” you respond, eyes trained on your phone as if you didn’t believe him.

“So…yeah” he concludes, sighing deeply when he fails you yet again.

“What did I say last time?” you ask, putting your phone back into your purse.

“I don’t remember saying much for you to think about,” you chuckle, crossing your arms, mirroring him.

“Im sorry,” he swallows and he watches your face break out into an amusing one, scoffing lightly.

“Ok” you blink, and Jungkook’s eyes almost tear up from frustration. He’s good at reading people, and he’s taking your disinterest in this conversation badly. He really knows he’s fucked up, beyond repair.

“Well if you don’t know what you want still,” you pull out your phone, “I’ll be on my way”.

“How are you getting home?” he asks in panic, he needs to have this conversation with you.

“Uber.”

“Let me take you, we can stop by and grab some burgers from-”

“Jungkook,” you sigh defeatedly. Raising an accusatory finger up at his chest you step closer.

“I don't have time for you anymore, you’ve wasted my time over and over again and Im tired of this back and forth between us. You made it very clear you don't want me like that, and I’ve learned to accept it. But you keep hanging on to me, you keep….keep– hurting me.” You whisper the last part and that has Jungkook grabbing your wrist.

“That’s not it, I do want you ‘....’” he sighs and his eyes are teary now, watching you trying to wiggle away from his grip on you.

“You never let me finish talking, there's so much I want to tell you” he sighs, you wipe your tears with your sleeve, pliant in his hold now.

“My intentions were never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you suffer. I struggled at first, and then you got into a relationship, and now you’re single, I had and still have to respect that.” He takes in a deep breath.

“You wanna know why I broke up with Yoongi Jungkook, you want to know why I’ve left possibly one of the most loving people I’ve met in my life……hmm?” you press, jabbing your finger into his chest and Jungkook stumbles back.

“Because I was in love with a coward! a stupid fucking coward, who couldn't confess back to me all because he wanted to keep fucking around” you yell, voice breaking out at the end, and his fucking heart aches.

Aches cause it’s now that it really hits him how much he has hurt you. 

He never intended that, ever.

Fuck.

“‘…’ I-” he says your name but you scoff sharply, chuckling but no humour is found in your tone.

“I thought loving you was supposed to be the best thing ever, but all it’s done is hurt me and I guess it’s my fault for springing my feelings onto a man that doesn’t want them,” you sniff, a weakened smile on your exhausted face and Jungkook breaks.

He grabs your arms to wrap around him, hard tears falling off his own eyes when you bury your head into his chest. It’s like letting a dam go, all this time he’s been keeping you at arm's length for what? Because he’s scared? Scared of committing, scared of disappointing you.

Scared, Scared, Scared.

What a coward.

What a coward Jungkook is.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry baby I never wanted to hurt you, it was never supposed to be like this….” he says. And all of a sudden he’s angered, frustrated at you. Why did you have to love him of all people, 

And why did he have to love you back?

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

3 Years Later

Spring is such a love-hate season. You either enjoy the wildlife and plants, or resent them very, very, much. You're in between the two right now, trying to enjoy the beautiful flowers that grow in your garden, and keeping up with your plant shop that has different lilies and sunflowers sprouting, beautifully— you may add. But as you fail to control your sneezing and red eyes, you decide to pop another allergy pill that may do the trick, you think.

You're just glad that the weather isn't so wet and dull, and well on its way into the warmer season and bikini tops. Sighing lightly you manage to finish your watering and inventory for today, deciding to take your lunch around noon, you lock the shop and put up the lunch sign. There’s a cafe that has just opened down the road and you’ve been wanting to check it out for a while, it keeps coming up on your feed and Hoseok has been bugging you to try it out. 

Walking in you take a look around the beautiful shop, it was wooden and green themed, with lots of plants and high ceilings that showcase the sun beaming on the customer's faces. It smelled even more divine as you took in all of the blueberry and raspberry scones on display, chocolate croissants, and the smell of all types of coffee roasts. You are probably the biggest coffee fiend, being able to tell the difference between dark, blonde, and regular roast coffee. It was a gift, but it was also the skills that come along with being an addict.

The man in front smiles at you, “What can I get for you?” he asks and you can't help but beam, ordering every flavour of scones and a matcha latte, your heart already full of happiness from the beautiful array of desserts, making sure to snap a picture at one of the tables and sending it to Hoseok and your mom.

You enjoy your little scones and latte, getting up to grab some napkins at the register-

“Hyung it’s been a while,” you hear the barista address the man at the counter, with a mouth full of the blueberry scone and napkins midway to wiping your lips you take a glance at who he is addressing.

No-

You chuckle lightly to yourself, blinking a couple of times to confirm the face you see and it's more than enough evidence when he speaks, ordering two drinks.

Fuck

You quickly swallow the scone, moving back to your seat and accidentally make eye contact with him on the way of you rush out. You see a flash of recognition twinkle in his eyes yet you fleet fast, and far away back into your shop, basically running down the block like a mad woman.

You don't know why you reacted that way. Maybe it was because you haven't seen him in so long or maybe it was the woman that he had tucked in between him and his arms, a fond smile on his face as he regards her, ordering drinks for the two.

Your heart starts to clench uncomfortably, the night you last saw him replying in your mind.

“I think it’ll be best for the both of us to go our separate ways, Jungkook” You smiled sadly, unravelling from his embrace. You saw the stain on Jungkook’s shirt, salty tears from you seeping onto his skin.

“You should learn to love someone the right way, and when you find that person I hope you’ll treat them the way I would've liked to be treated,” You say, watching the Uber arrive. You reached up on your tiptoes to leave a kiss on his cheek, one that prolonged longer than it needed to and Jungkook can feel the depth of it in his soul, in his heart….slicing through it.

“I will, ‘...’ I will baby,” he swallowed.

That was how you both had ended things over three years ago, you finally grew the balls to  block him on all social media, his number, and his face from your mind years ago…. until today. You know you’ve moved on. You have, you have moved into the city finally, opened up your little floral shop with whatever savings you’d have left and fled your boring office job. You loved life, you loved being alone and cropping all day long. 

You had developed a new routine, new habits, new crushes, new experiences, new feelings, new friends, and most importantly a new mechanic in all those three years alone. Technically Jimin wasn’t new but you both had gotten closer, common interests and the building you both had lived in had brought you both together. He has become one of the most important people in your life today, and rather than bombarding you with everything that went down with his buddy, he has managed to successfully divert you from the pain. And it was like you didn’t know a Jeon Jungkook. 

He had disappeared from the face of the earth because you had forced yourself to forget his existence, and it worked. Until today, until you had to see him today so happy with his girlfriend. Although that makes you happy that he has found someone, that he has matured enough to develop a relationship like that, the feeling had a bittersweet taste on your tongue.

—

“Don’t bring any more pies because I currently have like five of them sitting on my kitchen counter, I beg,” Namjoon complains through the phone. 

You chuckle, carefully placing the blueberry pie onto your lap on the passenger seat, “Well that’s what happens when you host a dinner party, Jimin and I are gonna be there in 20 minutes,” you make a kissy sound into the phone before putting it down.

“I bet he doesn’t have a blueberry pie yet,” Jimin chuckles, reversing out of the parking spot and you shrug.

“He said there’s already five pies, three out of those five are probably apple, and the other two are pumpkin” You shrug and Jimin chuckles at your blurt.

“Perhaps,” he says. A frown settles deep onto his face while he drives and you notice it but don't say anything, humming along to the radio.

“I would much rather ditch this for a movie and a greasy burger,” Jimin winks and you roll your eyes.

“Hey, we can’t be rude he prepared dinner and plus I thought it would be nice for us to interact and make new friends.” You pout and Jimin chuckles, a little nervously but you brush it off.

“Okayyyy…. But if you change your mind just let me know we still got a block left” and you giggle slapping his arms playfully.

—

Well fuck….

Grabbing Jimin’s arms before he can zoom past you and into the living room, you hiss into his ear, “Why is he here?” you say interrogatively, and Jimin blushes lightly, wincing from the hold you have on his ear.

“Fuck, im sorry ‘..’ I tried to get you to bail,” he shrugs and you huff, taking your heels off as you scramble past him to greet Namjoon.

Jungkook and his partner are here and you do your absolute best to not get their attention in the huge living room Namjoon has, constantly keeping yourself ten feet away you think you're successful until Namjoon asks, “Oh have you met Jungkook and his fiance?” he pulls you towards them.

The air is knocked out of you as you hear the word fiance, but you collect yourself, your heart weirdly clenching as you make eye contact with them. Namjoon introduces you both and you shake her hand, watching as the beautiful petite woman shyly greets you and makes conversation. You have half a mind to nod and answer vaguely, eyes roaming her small face, plump lips, red hair, dress tightly fitted around her hips and waist perfectly. 

“Nice to meet you kyomo” you tightly smile, you can feel the obvious gaze of Jungkook eyes on your face so you turn and greet him as well.

“Jeon,” you nod, and he pronounces your name back.

Namjoon looks between you both, your hand sliding into his smooth one softly as he shakes it slowly. He seems to never look away and you find yourself not being able to do the same.

His hair is short now, and his lips sport a silver ring. He’s wearing a plain black shirt and slacks that make him look mature and put together. You think you can smell his signature cologne on him still, strong and musky, yet soft and gentle just like his face. He’s bigger, broader than you remember and he still has brown doe eyes that expand and sparkle, you always loved to say he wore his emotions in his eyes. You could always just tell from them.

“It’s been a while, how are you?” He asks and you slide your hand from him, taking a step back, glancing away.

“Good, I'm gonna go find Jimin Joon, enjoy your night guys,” You're quick to retreat out of the situation, heading right for the bathroom upstairs and turning on the water. Your lips tremble slightly and your eyes are welled up with tears, why? You don’t know because you have been over him for years now.

You can’t breathe, and you can’t seem to shake away the painful ache in your heart that seems to beat faster and harder just thinking about him now, him getting married, him getting mature, him moving on from you so fast.

He’s getting married, Jungkook is getting married.

“You in here,” you hear your name being called from the other side of the bathroom door, you open it immediately getting pulled into an embrace. Jimin’s arms wrap around your frame as you quietly sob into his shoulder, he knows. He doesn’t ask because he knows.

They always said distance made the heart grow fonder, but you just think that your heart likes to set you up for the worst.

—

The party goes on, roasted dinner praised by everyone and you watch as Joon blushes, telling everyone to keep their voice down. Once finished, everyone heads over to the patio for some drinks and desserts. You offer to clean up, and after much protest Namjoon lets you, and you pat his back in appreciation.

 “You already did so much tonight it’s the least I could do.”

Gathering the dishes and throwing out plastic utensils and cups you manage to clear the dining table, you look through the cabinets for a pair of gloves to get started on the dishes, rummaging through cupboards and cupboards.

“I think he keeps them above the stove,” You recognize that voice, and you muster a tight-lipped smile, reaching up to grab it but failing to do so with how high it is.

“Here,” he offers, coming up behind you to open the cupboard and grab them. You shut your eyes tightly and manage a calm facade when he hands it to you, thanking him with a mumble before you put them on.

“You gonna need help?” he asks after a moment of you gathering dishes. Help would be nice, but you wouldn't prefer it from him.

“Nah im good, thanks” you smile, getting to work.

Jungkook chuckles, grabbing a pair of gloves for himself, “Scoot over, I'm helping” he says and you momentarily meet his gaze and look away without a word as he helps you soak and put dishes into the dishwasher.

It’s quiet for a while, successfully cleaning the dishes and loading the bigger pots in the dishwasher.  

Jungkook’s staring again, a little awkward so you speak up.

“How long have you been together?” you ask, and you can see Jungkook visibly stiffen.

“Over 2 years now,” he says, and you nod. You make a move to wipe the tables and Jungkook’s coming to help you again.

“I think I’ve got this, you can go and join everyone outside” You turn around abruptly, stopping him in his tracks. 

“I thought we could catch up,” he smiles. And you almost scoff out loud, whether you're bitter because of Jungkook’s marriage announcement or the fact that he has the audacity to try and keep things natural between the two of you as if he didn’t break your heart in two….

Maybe the latter but it still hurts. And all of a sudden everything feels fresh like he just left you a day ago, broke you a day ago. 

There’s a reason why you both didn’t work out? Was it because of Jungkook incapabilities to communicate or his lack of feelings for you? You don’t know but one thing you do know is that Jungkook never really loved you like he said he did if he wasn’t able to work on his problems for you. 

Jungkook never loved you enough 

Enough enough enough 

You weren’t enough for him and the thought has bile rising up your stomach. It has your heart skipping beats and incredible hurt seizing through you. 

You were never enough.

“There’s nothing much to catch up on really, I-”

“I’m sorry for the way things ended,” he sighs, your name slipping past his tongue so tiredly.

“Look, can we just look past this and- and be friends again?” he’s hopeful, he looks hopeful. His eyes are tender and his body language screams frustration.

Perhaps

“Of course” You reach a hand out to him, he’s smiling, putting his bigger hand with yours for a handshake. You feel….okay. This feels okay now, your heart doesn’t feel like it’s ripping in two and for once you're not reminiscing about the past. 

Your content, you’ve moved on.

“Let’s work on our friendship this new year, let’s not look back anymore Jungkook,” you say and Jungkook nods eagerly. 

“I agree.” 

There was no hatred, no passive tone, no hidden anger or jealousy in your words. You truly meant it, and you hope he understands.

“Baby, are you coming?” Kyomo calls and Jungkook’s eyes leave your face to his fiancés on the patio. His beautiful wife stands, reaching a hand out for him to grab. He looks back at you, but you encourage him with one last nod and divert your attention back to the counter.

“Yeah, yeah I am….” he trails off, you think you see him send a small smile your way before he goes out but you don’t care anymore. 

You're just happy you're free now.

[alaskan-wallflower]

WOOF i got lazy- anyway, here’s my stick of truth oc! her names bambi :)

Lore under the cut

So! She’s a mage, kinda a made up species? i don’t have a name for it so for now ill be referring to them as “mages”.

Childhood:

So every mage has a power or two. They’re interested. So say a parent has fire magic and the other has ice magic the kid will have fire and ice magic. So with Bambi, her mother was a weather mage and her father was a size manipulator. But sometimes, there can be birth defects that affect the child’s magic. In this case, instead of being able to control the weather at will, her emotions contradict it. (Ex. Happy? Sunny. Sad? Rain. Mad? Storms. So on and so forth.) But it doesn’t just happen outdoors. It can happen indoors too. Her parents tried to manage it, but were unsuccessful. She had caused massive droughts and massive floods, so the mages essentially exiled her thinking it would fix the problem. She was around thirteen at that point, and her parents weren’t very willing to do it, but the leader of the mages had thretened to execute them and her so they had to do what was best. Her size manipulation ability tends to fluctuate out of control with big emotions as well but she has to be touching an object or thing, so if someone were comforting her during a panic attack, the size manipulation might kick in and she would grow or shrink them. Such incidents led to her being known as the “Unhinged One” or simply “Bambi the Unhinged.

Teenage years:

In her teenage years, she was found by two female elves named Ivy and Willow, who were a couple. They took her in in secret, because mages and elves had a huge rivalry in the past and they were seen as “cunning” and were not trusted, not in the same way as elves and humans, but there wasn’t exactly a good relationship between the two if that makes sense? So these two elves stumbled upon her, and were wary at first, but realized she basically had no one, and ended up taking her in, because they didn’t really see her as a threat, more so as a hurt child. Eventually Kyle finds out and gets pissed, threatening her with another exile, but Willow and Ivy convince him otherwise Instead, she has to prove her loyalty by fighting tooth and nail for the elves, which she does. Eventually, after the fatal fight where Kyle loses both of his parents to war (I’ll probably elaborate on this headcanon later), Bambi ends up being one of the lone survivors and had truly fought tooth and nail to defend his parents. As a reward, he appointed her as one of his advisors and they quickly become pretty close. That’s all I have for now but I’ll add on as I figure out more with her.

Side bit:

At sixteen, all mages go through a process called the “Trials of the Mage” where they basically go through a stage where they grow wings, horns, and their powers grow exponentially stronger. And I already have some pretty angsty thoughts for this-so just you wait lol

lmk if you like her/have any questions because i’d love to answer them!! ^^

[nobody-for-sure]

Language Barrier

Fixed the pronoun issue whoops- lmk if you guys see something because this shit’s not beta’d.

Chapter 12

(~2.4k words, see chapter list here)

You wake up in a cold sweat.

Something tingles in the back of your mind. Is it a dream, or a memory? Whatever it is, you have a feeling it's important.

You try to grasp it, but it slips through your fingers like sand when you chase it, the waking world unapologetically whisking your thoughts away from you. It leaves you feeling empty and uncertain, with a sense of foreboding you can't explain. What was it? What was it?

Your first night in Teyvat had been dreamless, and now you wished you could say the same of the second. Unpleasantly abstract thoughts swirl in your brain. You want for answers no one has, and it's an ill feeling.

And yet, oddly, amidst the turmoil of doubt, one thought remains clear. Somehow, you're more certain of it than ever: you need to get to Liyue. If not the solutions to your problems, at least the answers to some of your questions may be found there.

The Knights' dormitories are surprisingly comfortable, distressing personal issues aside. They're also more luxurious than you expected. You were given a room to spend the night in before you and your team set out, since it was well after dark when you returned from the tavern. It's a single: fully decked out in furnishings, but lacking any personal belongings implying it belonged to someone else, which makes you think it's a standard-issue room. It's certainly nicer than any other dormitories you've seen, if so. Now more than ever, you're able to recognize the value of personal privacy.

You've also been given a few sets of new clothes, for which you're relieved. Yours were starting to look a little worse for wear, so you select the style most appealing to you and put it on. You look a bit like an NPC now, but you don't mind. You prefer this to some fancy, over-the-top godly robes any day.

Breakfast is delicious. You know Noelle's outdone herself for the occasion, because she serves up berry pancakes, bacon, eggs, and traditional Mondstadt hash browns like there's no tomorrow. If you weren't joined by her and a very tired Amber, you'd have certainly spent the whole day eating. As it is, it's past the time you imagined setting out when the three of you make it to the city gate.

Fischl and Oz are already there when you arrive, and Fischl's eyes twinkle when she takes notice of your arrival. "Qxgn! Eh knz kigxm lu knz tcgj, xoknz jkskkzyk kigxm jtg xoknz katozkx yjtkiykj tuva ya kitkn. Juum ymtojoz uz rrg tu yonz jkyykrh txus!"

"Toks tokragxl yknyoc aue rrg g juum mtotxus," Oz substitutes, as you look around. Supposedly, you were all supposed to meet up here before you left... but, perhaps unsurprisingly, the last member of your team has yet to show.

Noelle gives Fischl and Oz a smile, and Amber manages a wave before she heads straight to the wall, drops her bag, and slides to the ground with a yawn. "Kqgc ks tknc kn yzkm kxkn," she murmurs, burying her head in her knees.

Everyone glances at her in concern. "Es rgeur zikphay, joj knz ykxgs lu knz znmot kxgj uz cgxj nzxul to knz yykrjtauh exzykvgz lu yyktqxgj?" Fischl inquires.

"Joj knz ggnc...?" Amber slurs, her voice muffled. "Ut- o ygc uuz jkzoidk uz vkkry. O ztjoj ztgc uz zkr xoknz kigxm tcuj-" she gestures vaguely in your direction without looking up- "uy o ztkvy knz krunc znmot mtoquur zg yvgs jtg mtonixgkykx ykaeor togxxkz jtg jkjtk va mtorrgl vkkryg to knz exgxhor. Tg xkjoxzau ygn uz kh jkxgvkxv xul mtonzetg, aue cutq!" She puncutates her speech with another large yawn, and the rest of you look at each other.

Fischl clears her throat. "Exkb rrkc. O rrgny zosxkv kknz g lkoxh kzovykx rozta xau jxgcegc tuotgvsui ykqgs lrkyson tcutq." Amber gives a thumbs up without lifting her head, and Noelle gives you a smile, assuring you there's nothing to worry about.

In a few minutes, the outrider is snoozing away on the grass. You don't really mind - she's looked like was seconds away from dozing off since she first showed up for breakfast, and you don't want her to collapse on the road. Since Bennett's not here yet anyway, she might as well take the opportunity to catch a few more minutes of sleep. Under different circumstances, you might join her. Unfortunately, last night's episode was not one you were eager to repeat. As it is, a feeling you can't put a name to washes over you whenever you think back on your dream. You settle for leaning against the stone wall and idly plucking blades of grass.

'A few more minutes' begins to drag on, and it's no longer Amber you're the most concerned for. Fischl taps her foot, and Noelle surveys the area, searching for any sign of the unlucky adventurer. "Uj aue qtonz khegs kn rrozy ztygn tkquc va xkzlg mtoztogl egjxkzyke?" the maid asks.

"So jogxlg zut. Toks tokragxl jtg o jogv knz currkl g zoyob zygr znmot tknc kn ygc va jtg zauhg togmg, uz kxayyg son kn jgn zut jksgkxj knz krunc mtonz," Oz answers.

"Tknz..."

Fischl huffs. "Es kmag xkj mtarokzxaxkb yqgkvy lu tg rro-jkxxgzy kzgl, ktu ut yykr xgorosgl tgnz knz jkzgkn kfgm lu knz egjjos tay jtg ut kxus ztgygkrv. Ygrg, zo kitu togmg yrrgl uz enz toyykftoxv uz kbkoxzkx son." Noelle gives her a nod, and the princess and her raven turn to walk away. You bolt up. Is she going to search for Bennett, perhaps? If so, you'd rather join her than sit around waiting.

"Xaue kigxm, aue ztjkkt exxuc lrkyxaue." Noelle tries to placate you as you start moving. "Kny jtg fu rroc kh qigh erzxuny nzoc zzkttkh, so kxay." She gestures generously to the ground, as if asking you to sit.

You pause, shake your head, and then point to her. You unfold a second finger to point to both your eyes, before moving your fingers to Amber. You look after her. Then you point to yourself, then Fischl, and back into the heart of the town. We'll go.

The maid nods, looking somewhat reluctant. Fischl, on the other hand, seems rather pleased. "Tkbk ytmokxkbuy zyas tmokj uz kxaztkb uzta knz yyktqxgj, kyockyrk kc kqgyxul rrg zgnz yo krhut jtg zyap," she declares confidently. She turns and strides off, and since she doesn't seem like she's going to stop you, you follow.

Though you don't remember them being that far apart, the walk to the Adventurers' Guild is significantly shorter (and contains thankfully fewer stairs) than that of the knights' headquarters. No one's standing outside when you arrive, but you can hear raucous sounds from within. You catch a few snippets of conversation as you approach, and it sounds like a banter of sorts.

"...ztgi erhoyyuv..."

"...zah o ygc tkyuni..."

"...g kigxmyoj..."

Then a booming voice echoes out. "Yzgnz zut xul etg lu aue uz kjoikj. Uj aue tgks uz tuozykaw xoknz ykigxm tuoyoikj?" It's loud and decisive, and your gait stutters for a moment. Who was that?

Fischl narrows her visible eye, and her expression tightens into one of barely concealed displeasure as she clicks her tongue. "Ygrg, nyoruul ykbgtq rrozy cutq zut tknc uz jrun xoknz ykamtuz." Without pretense, she pushes the double doors open wide and marches into the building. "Zgnc xkttgs lu ezosgrgi ykxgj uz togzkj enz ytoyykftoxv kxazxgvkj? Kqgz jkkn, xul g zlocy rgyxkbkx lu kzgl egs kh jkqubto nzoc enz xkcytg," you hear her announce.

"G rgyxkbkx lu kzgl?" someone responds with amusement, as you hurry up the stairs behind her. "Lo aue kbgn zgnz jtoq lu xkcuv, jaue xkzzkh kya zo tu son. Kyocxknzu, xaue ektxaup nzoc... xaue... kigxm..." The voice trails off as you step over the threshold, and every eye in the room turns your way.

The silence is deafening. Your eyes sweep the scene. It's clearly a gathering space, with several tables and chairs scattered throughout the room. Message boards are plastered to the walls in several places, some more heavily filled than others. One end of the room has a platform... a stage? For announcements, perhaps? Or poetry nights? You'll never know.

You draw your attention to the frozen altercation in the middle of the hall. Several young men in adventurer's uniforms are clustered around a table, looking fairly pale in the face at the sight of you. They all look vaguely familiar, but you can't put a name to any of them, at least off the top of your head. You think one of them is... Robby? Roy? Well, not important. A short distance away, Cyrus stands with his arms crossed at them, though his stern expression is slowly caving in favor of shock and awe at your presence. Fischl faces the scene with her hands planted on her hips, the only one not to turn when you walked in.

And, in the middle of it all, a very dispirited Bennett shuffles his feet and looks at the ground.

Ah. So that's how it is.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going on here. From the look on Fischl's face a few moments ago, it's hardly a rare occurance, either. You purse your lips tightly... and yet, there's only so much you can do. Mentally, you curse your helplessness. What good is being a god if I can't defend even one person?

You narrow your eyes at the group of young adventurers, coupling it with a tip of your chin for a proper disdainful glance. You can't say anything, but you don't need to. They turn even paler from just a look, and Robby looks on the verge of fainting when you start to move forward again. You exchange glances with Fischl as you pass. Her expression tells you you're right on the money, along with some thinly veiled pleasure at the reaction your entrance has caused. You can't blame her. If you weren't so angry, you'd be feeling very badass right now.

With measured steps, you approach Bennett. When he looks up, you push your negative feelings away. Then you hold out a hand and offer him the biggest smile you can muster. "Let's go."

His eyes widen. For a long moment, he stares at you, but you don't waver. Slowly, carefully, he reaches out to place his hand in yours, looking dazed. Dimly, the vision on his hip pulses as you give him a nod. Without further ado, you turn to leave.

The three of you (plus Oz) march silently out of the building, not bothering to close the doors behind you. Bennett stumbles on one of the stairs, but manages to catch himself before sending you both faceplanting. When you're several paces away from the guild hall, he pulls his hand from yours and gives you a deep and earnest bow. "Thank you, xaue kigxm," he says. "Rro uj es zykh uz kbuxv lrkyes enzxuc lu xaue nzogl to me."

You blink a few times in surprise before beaming. "No, thank you."

With your whole party gathered, you can finally set out. Fischl and Noelle take the lead, while a refreshed post-nap Amber hangs back with you and Bennett, seemingly putting the two of you through the same comprehension test you took with Diluc. The results are the same, too.

Is this a point in favor of your friendship level theory? Only recently had you finally pulled Bennett for the first time (why were four star characters so hard to get?), so he was still sitting at friendship level one in-game. But something had definitely happened back at the guild. Is it possible to raise your friendship levels without access to the game mechanics?

Surely it must be. If nothing else, the traveler's journey has taught you that friendships can transcend even worlds.

The thought buoys you. I was actually right about something! Your companions seem equally enthused (if not a tad confused) by this fortuitous turn of events, and there's a bounce in everyone's step as the party travels the winding path through the country.

The rest of your day is largely uneventful. After such an exciting morning, you're almost disappointed. You meet with no treasure hoarders or members of the Abyss Order, and no one is injured in any way, though Bennett does take a tumble into a ditch and come out covered in mud at one point. Dusk approaches as you pass the Dawn Winery, and when the road meets with the river, the group stops to eat dinner and set up camp for the night.

You're glad you took personality and compatibility into account when selecting a team, because conversation is free-flowing all the while. The cheerful voices and good-natured laughter do much to set you at ease. Even Fischl seems to have loosened up a bit, because Oz interjects to translate with less frequency. Though you understand little, you're swept up in the mood as well, and for a while, your questions and troubles are all but forgotten.

As the last rays of sunlight fade from the sky, Amber takes a stick and makes a rough sketch of a map in the dirt by the fire. "Suxl es nixgkykx, ycuxxusuz togxxkz jrauny kh erxogl eygk uz kzgmobgt. Kbkc zum g zoh lu tg rronva qkxz jtauxg egjjos, zah kxkc erzyus mtorkbgxz tu zgrl nyxgs yjtgr rozta kc nigkx anymtgc tto." She circles a spot before looking to the others. "Yzo zut kzoaw knz egclrgn ztouv tkkczkh kxkn jtg knz xuhxgn, zah o qtonz zo jrauc kh g juum kigrv uz vuzy jtg zykx kxulkh xau zygr mkr. Zgnc uj aue qtonz?"

Noelle nods, and Bennett breaks from trying to scrape a coat of dried mud off his shoes to give her a thumbs up. "Yjtauy juum uz me!"

"O xaitui," Fischl says. "Xoknz ktoboj kitktosk jrauc erkxay ruzdk tg ezotazxuvvu uz qygh to knz yauxkjtuc kxazikzonixg lu niay tg jkrkrrgxgvta ztksnyorhgzyk, jtg enz toyykftoxv jrauc kh zyus jkygkrv uz kqgz xkn ysgkxj yxuujto rgnzoc."

"Toks tokragxl yo to ztkskkxmg," Oz adds.

"Anymtgc tto zo yo!" Amber says decisively. To you, she taps the circled part of the map before holding her arms above her head like a roof. She tilts her head and places her hands underneath like a pillow. You grin. There's only one building to sleep in on that area of the map.

You've always wanted to try almond tofu.

[chloefrl]

hi chlo baby, just wanted to let you know that you matter and a lot of people care for you (me the most i’m afraid so) and if you think about deactivating because you feel like tumblr has been draining you, then do so. i know how it feels and the urge to deactivate but you can tell me anything that has been bothering you and maybe somehow i can help and listen. also, i know it’s your decision but ever since i got back i was hoping to interact with you guys more (especially you ☹️) but i respect your decision if you leave this draining place aaaahhh just lmk where i can stay in contact with you please? 🫂🤍 !!!!

tumblr has been a huge distraction to me nowadays and i’m afraid i’ll be less online but just let me know how you’re doing. will try my best to be with u 🫶🏻

holy fuck anii😧😧🤍 jesus christ i love u so so so so so much<3

again, ill see how i handle things mentally and i recently created a blog just so i could vent about my feelings i dont really wanna bother anyone with my problems or make someone think im needy and im using them as a therapist (which is like my biggest fear) so, i dont think you should worry bc i dont want anyone (especially u ☹️🤍) to deal with my problems

but anyways, ofcourse if the day actually comes when i officially just deactivate ill obviously put up all my socials that I'd be very active on (except my private ones with my rl friends etc.) and ill let u know<3

theres a 50/50 chance for me, ill definitely try my best to fix up my fucked up schedule just so i could stay on tumblr 🙁 ive also thought that maybe i should quit writing since sometimes my fics flop 💀

[oatmilkslytherin]

children’s games pt. 2 (d.l.m)

description: part two to my first post: children’s games !

requested: yes / no

warnings: none

a/n: feel free to send in requests for imagines (people, situations, etc.) and lmk if you want me to add you to my taglist:))

y/n’s pov:

the days were growing awfully cold and lonely without draco’s company. most days i was able to avoid him entirely, always arriving to and leaving meals early, residing in the common room during my free time, and assuring i always had someone by my side during and after lessons. 

still, the pain in my chest was unbearable. it felt like a relentless cruciatus curse that spread through my veins into the tips of my fingers. whenever i did see him, i felt my eyes growing blurry with tears and a distinguished pang in my chest. as angry as i was with him, i couldn’t live without him.

it didn’t dismiss the fact that his treatment towards me was slightly cruel. one would’ve thought that after all this time, draco would’ve had half a mind to swallow his pride and reputation and confess his undying love for me. the thought that i was nothing more than an embarrassing secret absolutely wrecked me. draco not doing anything to mend what he broke only confirmed the ill-consuming thought.

i couldn’t help but think he seemed better without me. after the night i broke it off, he was still laughing with his friends and antagonizing first-years the next day. he was still the same draco, only a bit colder and meaner if he could even end up that way. 

as i walked through the courtyard, i couldn’t help but notice how the fall-winter chill ran down my spine. it seemed fitting considering how i’ve been feeling these past few days. it was the first time i’ve been alone outside my dorm or common room since draco and i separated. i was dreading every minute of it. 

although i’ve failed to cry outside of my dorm room walls, my façade faltered slightly whenever i caught a glimpse of him. i couldn’t let him know, however. it would just be one more thing he could use against me when he spoke maliciously upon my name with his friends. 

i held my robes closer to my body as i wandered aimlessly through the courtyard. despite the cold, it was a rather nice day outside. a day that i thought i would be able to enjoy alone. when i turned the corner, however, i knew that i was wrong.

very wrong.

there he was. sitting alone on a bench with his head buried in his hands and his body shaking in attempt to muffle his cries. seeing him like this only made me want to wrap my arms around him, hold him close and whisper sweet words of affirmation until his sobs turned into soft kisses and appreciation. 

but i knew i couldn’t. we were no longer together, he was no longer mine to comfort. merlin, i didn’t even know what he was crying about. i questioned why i felt bad when it wasn’t my business in the first place.

still, the sight of him quietly sobbing to himself in the lone corridor made my heart pang. of course, i still love and care about him.

i attempted to walk past him, hoping i could dim the patter of my feet into noiseless steps as i headed back to the common room. much to my dismay, i crunched a leaf under my footing right when i was walking past, making his head snap up and his eyes fall upon me. i froze in my spot, my shoulders tensing as i felt him staring holes into my back. i thought i could just walk away, run perhaps. just as i took my next step, he called out to me. 

“y/n...” his voice croaked out. i knew there was no way to avoid him now. the sooner we both get closure, the better. 

i turned on my heel to face him, keeping my distance as i stared at him emotionlessly. he, on the other hand, looked like a wreck. his hands were still shaking, his eyes glistening with tears and they looked absolutely bloodshot. i never noticed it before when i saw him in the halls, but he had dark bags clinging under his eyes. had they always been there?

i swallowed the lump in my throat, nodding at him slightly in acknowledgment. 

“i’m sorry...” he spoke again. his voice was hoarse as he spoke. i nodded once more, my eyes moving from his to the flooring between us. 

“you have what is important to you, and so do i. i was simply just tired of being put second,” i stated, my voice threatening to break as tears welled in my eyes. 

“you were never second. you were always first and i’m so... so sorry that i never treated you like it...” draco trailed off once more. from the tone of his voice, he sounded sincere. but at this point, i didn’t know what to believe from him anymore. 

“it’s fine, draco. it just simply wasn’t meant to be and that’s... that’s fine,” i stated. it took everything out of me not to run up to him and hold him, or perhaps let him hold me; for us to cry everything out in each other’s arms. i wished things were different. 

draco sniffled at my words, cries threatening to leave his mouth as i spoke.

“you really believe we weren’t meant to be?” his voice cracked as he questioned this. i looked back up at him briefly to see fresh tears streaming down his face, his lips pressed together as he never took his eyes off of me. 

“i wanted us to be,” i spoke truthfully, “but i refuse to let your reputation come in between us.”

draco opened his mouth once more to speak, but i silenced him quickly as words spewed out of my mouth. 

“you were never proud to be with me. you could never boast to your friends that you had me, because they would ridicule you. you wanted me, but only when it was convenient for you. i was not made for your convenience.” my words were cold and harsh, but every bit i said was true. every word i spoke was fueled from months of hiding, secrecy, and insecurity. all things that i hid only to make him happy.

tears now streamed freely down both of our faces, my heart beating rapidly as i felt everything begin to crumble around me. all the tears i shed, the progress i made, it was all apparating out of thin air.

“please... please y/n. please let me show you that i can change,” draco stood up quickly, now closing the gap between us as he moved towards me. he took my hands in his own; i could still feel him trembling. “i want you, and only you. i should’ve never let anyone or anything get in the way of how i truly feel about you.”

i stared up at him, his blue eyes piercing into mine with hurt and regret. seeing him in this state, i wanted to believe him. i wanted to believe that he could change and fix the things i needed to be fixed. the feeling of him holding me in this way was something i’ve longed for in these short few days of loneliness.

before i could say anything else, he spoke once more.

“i haven’t stopped crying these past few days. life without you is a place i don’t want to know. in the short few days i’ve experienced it, it’s killed me. it’s killed me not to see your smile and hear your laughter. i’ve never known a pain like the one i’ve felt since you said we were done. you cannot look at me and say that we weren’t meant to be because i know you feel the same way...” draco pleaded incessantly, his eyes boring into mine as he rubbed the smallest of circles into the back of my hand. 

hearing him speak only made me cry more. not because i was upset and angry, but because he was right. it’s always been him; it will always be him. i can’t truthfully look at him and tell him we weren’t meant to be because it’s not true. 

the sight of him in front of me was a draco i have never known before. sure, we’ve shed a handful of tears together from jealous fights and plaguing insecurities, but this was different. draco was not the type of person to break down and beg for forgiveness; he didn’t need it. but, i truly believed in this moment he needed me. and in the same way, i needed him. 

i slowly withdrew one of my hands from his, caressing the softness of his cheek and wiping stray tears away with my thumb. he melted into my caress, biting back tears and sighs of relief as i inched impossibly closer to him. 

“i love you,” i stated, my voice barely above a whisper. draco mustered up a smile despite his bloodshot eyes and incredibly paled face. he brought his hand up to mine, holding my hand against his face lightly.

“i love you,” he replied. he pressed a petal-light kiss to my forehead, making a soft smile creep onto my features. he dropped our hands, embracing me into a tight hug with his chin resting on top of my head. i wrapped my arms around his torso, allowing my head to rest on his chest and letting my previously tense state dissolve under his warmth. 

“i promise i’m going to make it up to you. i promise things are going to be different, love,” he murmured into my hair. i nodded against his chest, sighing outwardly as i relished in the feeling of his arms wrapped around me. it had only been a few days without him, but merlin, did it feel like an eternity. 

before we could even fully reminisce in the moment, however, a familiar voice piped up from behind us. 

“oi, malfoy! why are you letting the hogwart’s scum touch you?” blaise’s voice shot daggers through my ears and chest, making me tense once more under draco’s touch. draco pulled his arms away slightly, only to turn over his shoulder and shoot blaise a menacing glare. 

“don’t talk about my girlfriend like that, you git,” draco spit back at his friend. blaise’s eyes widened in surprise before his eyebrows furrowed into pure confusion. he scoffed audibly, crossing his arms over his chest as he paced towards us. i cowered from his stare, allowing my arms to droop back to my sides. 

“girlfriend? mate, what are you on about?” blaise asked, clearly thinking the entire situation was a joke. half of me expected draco to play along with blaise’s insults, but the other half of me reminded myself of his promise. 

“yeah, girlfriend,” draco spoke, his face etched in entire seriousness. he took my hand in his own. “for the past year and half now may i add. if you have a problem, you can take it up with me later, but you leave her the hell alone, zabini.” 

my face reddened in pride at draco’s side, a small smile tugging at the corner’s of my lips as he stood up for me, for us. 

blaise looked taken aback by draco��s words. instead of retaliating, however, he only nodded and shoved his hands deep in his pockets. he quickly walked away from us, turning the corner out of our sight. as soon as he left, i let a soft laugh escape from my lips as i turned to face draco. he was staring back at me, smiling widely as he squeezed my hand tighter. 

he embraced me once more suddenly, his arms wrapping around my waist as he lifted me. a loud laugh erupted from my mouth as i clung to his shoulders. his face was buried in the crook of my neck, placing soft kisses and murmuring the sweetest ‘i love you’s’ into the skin of my collarbone. i pulled his face towards mine, leaning down and allowing our lips to meet between muffled laughter. it was a dream, a dream that has now consumed my entirety as it came true.

all seemed right in the world once more.

taglist: @killiansawyer

[ivyuns]

landing in my heart: paragliding

han jisung

genre: angst

word count: 2.1k

warnings: location spots are in north and south korea, language, mentions of mines, weapons, death, cliffhanger, if i missed anything plz lmk :)

A/N: first part of landing in my heart series! changsik is y/n’s helper for la vie en rose

navigation

landing in my heart information

LIMH chapters

“tomorrow, the story about you and actor sangu will be posted”

“itll say how you two were just pranking fans that you two are together. as you see, the picture just shows that you were just holding his wrist. plus your face is blurred so there shouldnt be a problem” changsik says.

you turn off your phone and start paying attention to changsik. “okay but can we do something about the blur effect?” you asked. “oh, do you want me to ask them to blur your face more?” “no, its just that they put the effect on my earrings. you know those earrings are rare to get in the collection”

everyone in the meeting takes a big sigh. “ah, purchasing manager. what are you going to do?” you asked as he slams his note taking book close. “pardon?” “the earrings, purse, shoes. you need to make sure theyre in stock at all times” nodding his head, he goes to restock the items you told him to.

exiting your office, everyone talks about you. “is that her?” “she looks ugly in person” “hes probably with her for her money”. continuing walking behind your bodyguards, you get a call from an unknown number.

“look at you. you look like a celebrity or something”

“who is this?”

“i- you dont even have my number saved? its your eldest brother, sejun.  anyways since you dont keep up with the news, dad is coming back home from probation. you should probably come by the house and greet him”

pausing your tracks, “is this your number?” “yes, please just save it” “dont get another number or blocking it for two times will be annoying” you said and blocked sejun.

hesitating to enter your family’s house as you heard sejun and sehyeong argue about who will be deserves to inherit the family company during diner and your dad yelling out where were you. stepping into the house, the house was quiet.

“hello dad. congratulations on getting out on probation. i heard you wanted me to be here. is there anything you need to speak to me about?”

“you should move back in” “is that all? i was wondering why. you look great by the way. please take care of your heath. i just came here to say hello so ill be leaving now” you waved goodbye and walked towards the exit.

“i want you to take my position” you dad tells you before you could exit the room. “dad!” your brothers yell out. turning around, you see everyone looking at you as your mom shakes her head towards you. “you left home and started your own company for 10 years, i think you deserve it”

hesitating to answer, you agreed to take the position which annoyed the brothers. finally exiting the room, you left the house with fear in you.

“shall we start?” you asked as everyone gets your parachute ready for paragliding. running off the cliff, you begin floating in the sky with a huge smile on your face. “miss yoon, please be careful!”

peacefully enjoying the scenery, you take notes on how beautiful it was. you then see a floating tractor. worry takes place as you realize theres a tornado happening. trying to not get in it, the wind forcefully takes you to the tornado, making you scream out for help.

-

north korean boarder

jisung heads to the northern side of demilitarized zone to patrol with company five and a few other soldiers and hears shooting going on. quietly walking into the direction of everything going on as a group, jisung stops as soon as he hears what type of guns theyre using.

“captain han, theyre heading into this direction, judging by the sound of the gunshots” hyunjin pauses, “maybe its a deserter from the south-” “the combat site is 400m away from our current location. going in at 11 o’clock, total count is 10. k2 automatic title, six in total. and tokarev tt-33, three are in use” jisung tells them.

“whats tt-33?” seungmin asked. “theyre our camrades” jisung answered and started walking with his group behind him. seeing whats going on as he saw three men on the ground and the military of the south, he gave him group a signal to continue walking. lifting their guns up, the southern sees them and puts their guns up as well.

“step back. take one more step and youll enter our garrison” jisung shouts out. “hand these three over and well be gone” one of the soldiers said. “theyre our camrades” jisung answers. “captain! we got the state security departments approval and came here to hunt deers but we got lost by the tornado” one of the men on the ground said.

“they crossed the southern limit line and caught digging cultural artifacts” the same soldier said and shows proof. “is anyone injured?” jisung asked as the southern military puts their guns towards him more. “the problem is solved. put your guns down and we will too. i swear on my countrys honor and will stictly punish them. when it comes to punishments, we, the north will certainly outdo the south. well drop our weapons on the count of three.”

by the count of three, everyone puts their weapons down. the three men on their knees sees a gun in front of them and grabs it. trying to shoot the soldiers, jisung quickly grabs them. everyone puts their guns up till- “just return, dont get into conflict with the north” “do you hear me? dont conflict with the south” the radios from both sides said.

after gathering the three men and tying them, company five got them as jisung stayed behind. making sure the south was gone.

back at the gate, jisung is in front of the car that the three men are in as he waits from cheolgang to arrive. seeing him arrive, he stands up straight and salutes him, as well as hyunjin and seungmin. cheolgang sees the three men in the car and turns to jisung.

“greetings sir. company five is is on standby to transfer the grave robbers, who we arrested in the northen demilitarized zone” jisung tells cheolgang. “good work. anything else?” jisung relaxes and tells him how some of the fences were down due to the tornado. “we should tighten security for the area thats damanged until everything is fixed”

cheolgang nods his head. “they probably crossed the southern line due to misunderstanding so let their punishment be lenient” “it happened in our patrol zone. this cannot be taken lightly” “you are well aware that the state security department gave them permission for them to be here” cheolgang says.

“are you saying that they gave them permission to pass the demilitarized zone just to collect artifacts?” jisung asked, feeling annoyed with cheolgang. “of course not, captain han” he chuckles, making company five tensed. “i told the south that they will be taken for punishment, and i shall keep that promise” “do whatever you want, but i do have a promise. i, jo cheolgang, never go easy on anyone. no matter what their ranks are. if you create any act that may threaten our army security, youll be finished right on the spot. but of course, youll never do that” cheolgang finishes. jisung salutes him as he leaves.

south korea

“but i need to get there, i need to see miss yoon” changsik says as he heard people said that youre nowhere to be found. as he sees someone on the stretcher, he starts tearing up as he thinks youre dead. the police comforts him and sees the cameraman that was supposed to take videos of you in the sky. “hey! wheres my boss?” changsik yells at him. “i dont know” he cries out in pain. “didnt you have a camera? why didnt you take a video of everything?” “in that situation, i couldnt. i nearly died!”

changsik was left alone as the rest of the rescue crew tried to find you. “gosh why did you have to make yourself do this y/n”

-

north korean boarder

you wake up, high up in a tree. as you yell out for help. as jisung and seungmin is around the area, he stops walking and asks seungmin if he heard anything. shaking his head, seungmin gets a call from the other company five members, asking for him to come back and help with the fence. jisung gives him a signal to go and looks around the area.

as jisung sees you in the trees, you look down. “excuse me, can you help me get out of here” seeing his metal and gun pointing at you, you quickly unbuckle everything and falls onto jisung. realizing, you quickly get off of him.

“ah, did you come here from the north? are you a defector? welcome to the republic of korea” you said. “r-republic of korea? i think youre mistaken. i didnt go to the south. you came to the north” not believing what he said, you looked around and saw his serious face. “since you came here, youll be taken for investigation” jisung says. “huh?! wait i didnt mean to come here at all-” “then explain everything to them like that.

after arguing, you ran but was stopped by jisung yelling you to stop since theyre mines in the area. “dont move or else youll loose an ankle-” jisung pause as he accidentally steps on a mine. “are you okay” you asked. “im fine” “are you sure because you dont look fine-” “i said im fine!”

jisung grabs his walkie talkie to call seungmin for help when his grip failed and the device fell into the river. walking to the walkie talkie, you picked it up. “thank you for picking it up-” “who said i was gonna give it to you?” jisung sighs. “tell me which way i need to go first” “follow the path and when you meet with two paths, take the right one”

after telling you the directions, seungmin calls out jisungs name. “im here!’’ jisung yells out. fear taking over you, you quickly ran.

seungmin finds jisung on a mine and quickly sets him free. “captain han, is there anything wrong?” seungmin asks. “let the crew know that someone is in the zone by accident” “huh? is it a spy?” “no, a south korean girl who accidentally came here” seungmin nods his head and lets the crew know what happened by radio.

as you ran, you took the left path instead, not trusting jisung. you came across of a field that had a sign saying ‘mine field’. turning around to a safer route, you see the soldiers looking for you. headed to the minefield instead, you ran through it and the soldiers made a detour to get you.

as seungmin and hyunjin are trying to get you, you saw a broken tree on the fence, thinking it will lead you to the south again. as youre on the top, you see the two men giving you signals to not go there. not listening, you jumped over the fence as you saw hyunjin raise his gun at you and fired.

as you kept running, you passed jeongin who was reading a letter from his mother in the fields. as you were running still, you ran into a forest and tripped on a rock. “mom-” you said quietly. trying to pull yourself up, you go back into the past. everytime you fell, you would always cry out for your moms name. but realizing how weak you relationship with her was weak and she was not here with you.

regaining your strength, you got up and walked.

back in south korea, your mom gets a call saying that you were lost and tells the rest of the family. sejun and sehyeong and their wives are pleased, knowing that one of them will get their dads position.

“honey, you need to make sure you get this position” sanga tells sehyeong. “but you still need to find minseok” sehyeong nods. “dont worry sanga”

“hyung. do you think sehyeong will find me?” minseok asks mr oh. “i think we should go somewhere else, i dont think its safe here anymore” minseok nods his head and packs up to go somewhere else.

as an old lady asks for a ride as she sees military trucks, she was rejected. she then sees three men in one of the trucks. as they hit the end of the road, she sees another truck hitting them and another one, making the truck that the three men are in fall into a ravine and explode. she gathers her stuff and tries to run away when another truck runs into her.

after walking for miles in the dark, you ran into a village. feeling relieved, you smiled. until you saw the lights shut on, you were met with music going on. seeing everyone getting ready for their morning routine, she now believes shes deeper into north korea,

just as the leader enters the village, jisung quickly grabbed you and hid you in his chest from getting caught.

[mortedeveles]

I’m Okay.

PART TWO. 

SUMMARY: Ever since you were young, your mind has always been clouded with negative thoughts about yourself and your shoulders were always heavy with an invisible weight. But now you’re dating the infamous Katsuki Bakugou, and you couldn’t be happier. He made you feel so confident that you decided to come clean to your dad about your mental health issues. Buzzing with courage, you can only hope everything turns out okay. But as it turns out, you were absolutely wrong.

GENRE: angst, like a lot lot, hurt comfort and fluff. [ONE-SHOT]

PAIRING: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!reader. (i will be writing gn! reader soon, but i still have to adjust to it) 

TW: mental health issues, mentions of suicide, cursing, etc.

Copyright © 2020-2021 by Veles.

A/N: it’s a bit short tbh, apologies fellas. this oneshot is inspired from my personal experience, with some differences and adjustments. should i make a part two of this? i’m tempted but idk,, lmk what you think! anyways, enjoy!

ITALIC is for thoughts or flashbacks!

BOLD is for texting (with some exceptions)

Y/N had never been particularly confident in herself, but Katsuki Bakugou had always made her feel otherwise. When she was with him, she knew anything was possible.

You're strong and brave. Don't put yourself down, okay nerd?!. You're my girlfriend, how could you not be amazing? Katsuki's grumbled words repeated over in Y/N's head, filling her up with a giddy feeling. If Katsuki believed in her, then maybe she could do it.

Yeah, she definitely could do this. No big deal. All she had to do was confess to her oblivious father that she had been dealing with insecurities and mental health issues for years and wanted his help. No biggie.

''So, what did you want to talk about?'' her father asked. He was sitting on the foot of her bed, waiting for her to respond.

Shit. I forgot I asked him to talk tonight, she thought. Well, I can't back down now.

Breathing deeply, Y/N raised her gaze to her father's face and spoke quietly.

''Dad, I think I have depression,'' Losing her confidence and courage, she lowered her gaze to her blankets. Her fists tightened around them. 

''I-I, I don't know why but I've felt so bad and worthless for years, I feel sad because I'm ugly and stupid, I'm so unattractive that no one's ever shown interest in me and it feels like I'm going to die alone. I don't mean to feel like this, it's just-just, sometimes, I can feel like I'm at the top of the world and the next, I feel so sad and disgusted with myself that I can't help but cry.'' 

With a heavy sigh, the girl raised her gaze and awaited her father's answer. She could feel her heart flip and her stomach twist with anxiety.

What would he say? Maybe he'd smile and hug her, offering her his endless support. Or maybe, he'll sigh and hug her, saying that he knew all along. Maybe he knew that she cried herself to sleep nearly every day and that it hurt so, so much to be alive. 

Her heart dropped when her father sighed in response. He shook his head in disapproval as he rubbed his temples.

Please, say something, dad. She wanted to say. But all her voice was nowhere to be found.

Say something.

''Don't be so dramatic. You have a happy family, we're pretty good on money and you have a roof over your head. What else can you want?'' he snapped, eyes blazing with irritation.

Y/N's mouth opened in shock and as much as she wanted to reply, her voice was gone.

''Stop feeling so much self-pity for yourself. The only thing you're accomplishing is wasting your life by complaining and sitting on your ass, doing nothing! Don't come to me saying you're depressed. Do you know how much I've suffered? I'm paralyzed. I lived with abusive parents all my life. I've always had a disadvantage because of my condition. You haven't suffered a bit...You have everything in your hands!'' 

Her father continued ranting angrily, but Y/N's focus was gone. Her eyes glazed over with tears, but she forced herself to hold them in.

Grow up, he said.

Stop being so dramatic.

Her throat clogged up and her chest tightened. She had been working up the confidence to tell her dad, who swore to protect her and support her for her entire life, the courage to tell him about her illness for years. Y/N isn't exactly sure when it started, but she can barely remember anything before it. She couldn’t remember how it felt to be truly happy.

Though she can't pinpoint an exact date for it or even a goddamn cause, Y/N remembers that she's felt like this for around five years. It started when she was a naive and rude ten-year-old child, who refused to play with her friends and would rather read books. 

She doesn't remember why it happened, but she can remember with clarity the nights she would slouch over her laptop, listening to soft music that would make her cry quietly. Maybe it had to do with the fact that as a child, she refused to adapt to social situations. Her heart would feel heavy for no absolute reason and she hated it. It was overwhelming, Y/N wanted to claw at her chest and rip it open, plunging her hand inside to retrieve her heart and fix whatever was wrong with it. What was wrong with her? Why wasn’t she...normal?

The sudden loss of weight on her bed snapped her out of her thoughts. Her dad was looking at her solemnly, nodding at her as he bid her good night. She responded with a shaky nod and once her father had closed the doors and turned the lights off, she could feel everything.

There were heavy, wet, and warm tears forming in her eyes, her hands were trembling and her chest felt like it was about to explode. 

When she heard her dad's bedroom door close shut, her tears broke loose. Y/N clamped her hand over her mouth, muffling her sobs as her shoulders shook with each cry. She heard her phone vibrating loudly next to her and her cries stopped momentarily. 

Wiping away the tears, she squinted her eyes on the screen, only to see Katsuki's contact pop up on her notifications. Subconsciously, a small and weak smile graced her lips.

Ah right, I have a boyfriend, she thought.  Maybe I'm not so ugly and useless after all.

EXPLOSIVE TEDDY BEAR: Hey nerd. Are you okay? 

Y/N laughed harshly. Her throat was beginning to feel raw and dry from crying. Her eyes read the message over and over as she debated what to do.

Katsuki was her boyfriend, right? If something was bothering her, she should let him know. Y/N knew that Katsuki valued honesty a lot.

But then, she was reminded of his proud and loud behavior. He was nice and kind to her, but that didn't stop him from being loud and abrasive. Whether they were dating or not, she was still dubbed as ''nerd''. The nickname made her smile. 

Katsuki was an excellent student- perhaps a bit too violent and murderous- but he had good intentions. He was strong and determined. Y/N doubted he'd understand what she was going through. In their three months of dating, she hadn't seen him express any emotions of insecurity or depression, maybe some sprinkles of jealousy here and there, but no insecurities.

With each thought and argument running across her head, Y/N was sure she shouldn't bother him with this. After all, he was a hero-in-training. Katsuki doesn't have time to deal with her problems. He was probably too busy with his own problems.

Y/N: Of course I'm fine. What makes you think I'm not?

Y/N: I'm perfectly fine :)

[unsympathetic-angst]

Prompt: The light sides know Logan has emotions so they force him through stressful situations until he has a breakdown

[this isn’t the exact prompt but tumblr ate the ask so here’s what i can remember]

TW: U!Patton, U!Virgil, U!Roman, crying, manipulation, hair pulling, mental breakdown, gas lighting(perhaps), lmk of other things to add

  Logan was to put simply exhausted. He desperately attempted to fix Thomas's deteriorating mental health, yet each side either knew and did nothing to help or pretended nothing was wrong. Logan grips his hair in frustration as he looks at the red lines that scattered around his calendar that brightly showed whenever a plan was canceled or replaced, each rescheduling being worse than the last. He desperately tried to logically explain to Thomas that his health was in a troubling state but Thomas wouldn't listen. And no matter how much Logan asked Patton, who should know that Thomas felt ill, Patton would just pat him on the shoulder for 'trying to care'. It's not as if he was apart of Thomas and it wasn't as if his function was to logically help Thomas through any situation. He didn't want to admit that he was emotionally drained but he was and he needed answers for the other's behaviors.

  "May I speak on a topic that's been bothering me for the last view days?" Logan questions grabbing the attention of the other sides," it seems to me that we've been allowing for Thomas to fall into a figurative hole and I feel as-"

  "Ha! Feel," Roman laughs mockingly," get it, cause ya know you say you can't feel.”

  Logan looks at him confused before shaking his head slightly to refocus," I believe that this behavior has gone on for too far. There has to be an explanation for Roman's lack of motivation, Virgil's continuous anxious antics, and for Patton's lack of awareness that Thomas is suffering!"

  Each side eyes were raised at Logan's voice raising, including the logical side himself. He swallowed the lump in his throat and stood up straight fixing his glasses. The trio looked at each other until Virgil cleared his throat," guess he does an extreme reaction other than screaming falsehood."

  Logan his mouth before snapping it close narrowing his eyes at the anxious side in confusion. Patton noticed and let out a laugh," I'm sure Virgil's just teasing Logan! Now, what were you talking about?"

  "Well, that! Your lack of awareness is one of my issues. How you only see what you choose to see what you want to see is harming Thomas!" Logan stats.

  It doesn't help that Patton doesn't seem affected by Logan's claims which only bothers the logical side more.

  "Thomas is fine Logan, I don't know what you mean," Patton shrugs watching gleefully as he witnessed Logan become more annoyed.

  "Have you not notice that Virgil's been a bit more cumbersome to deal with? Thomas is too scared to leave the house!"

  "Hey don't force your problems onto me! I'm just doing my job and id hate for my job to be disrupted," Virgil adds bitterly.

  "However, your job is causing distress to Thomas!" Logan exasperates angrily.

  "I thought we all agreed that Virgil was an important side. Have you changed your mind all because you can't handle him?" Roman questions with a small smirk.

  Logan opens his mouth to speak but Patton interrupts him," Logan that's cruel of you to think of Virgil in such a way!"

  "I wasn't saying that, however!"

  The trio looked at Logan and he couldn't help but feel like a bug. He wanted to duck out but he knew he had to stand his ground because if he wouldn't then Thomas would continue to get hurt by their ignorance.

"Why do you even care how Thomas feels? Thought you didn't care about emotions," Roman questions with a raised brow," that's more of Patton area anyways."

Logan lets out a breath of air as he fixes his already perfect tie," while I do agree that it is Patton's task to regulate and help Thomas with emotional situations, Patton hasn't been a thorough job."

"I mean you haven't been a great job either teach," Virgil says lowly, his tone full of venom," if it's so easy for Patton than shouldn't you just logically find a solution?"

  Logan snaps his attention at Virgil who stares at him like prey.

  "It isn't my job to regulate Thomas's emotions, my task to logically find solutions for Thomas or simply answer questions," Logan says with facade confidence that each side can see through.

  "Then why don't you just find a solution for whatever problem you're whining about?" Roman asks looking at his fingernails bored.

  "I am not whining this is a serious issue-"

  "Look," Patton interrupts now standing," I'll help okay? I know you don't know what you're talking about Logan, but I'm just glad to see you trying kiddo!"

  The logical side hands are white fists as he miserably attempts to hold his in anguish. They all still believe that this situation was about him and that he knows nothing. His entire existence is Logic and if he didn't know how to solve a problem then who even was he.

  "I do know what I'm talking about," Logan says softly, his voice full of grief," I've been feeling the same drain and burden as Thomas has been feeling for the last two weeks, seven hours, and forty-five minutes. He's-I am exhausted from constantly feeling like a failure from my mistakes which only occur as a result of you threes indifference to Thomas's emotional distress. Do not tell me I do not know what I'm talking about. Please."

  He feels tears swell as the three looks at him with no remorse. The room is uncomfortably still and Logan hopes that this silence is just the three thinking about their actions but a loud harsh laugh coming from Roman makes Logan's heart drop.

  "Oh man I actually thought you felt something for a moment," the fanciful side wheezed," you should be an actor or something because that was flawless."

  "Yeah, you almost had me there. You don't have to do all this for attention Logan," Virgil remarks humorously.

  He feels sick. His vision is blurry and his white hands are now uncontrollably shaking whilst they move over his mouth to cover his cries. Logan doesn't understand how they look at him at a joke. He stands weak closing his eyes to block out their faces as the tears fall down his face, his cries being the only sound and it disgusts him. He feels vile for being emotionally open and trusting them, and now they gawk at him while he cries.

  Patton moves closer till he wraps around Logan who cringes under his touch," awe Logan you don't have to feel infinitesimal."

  Patton says with a wink not caring that Logan look like he's on the edge of crumbling beneath him.

  "We know Thomas has been going through some stuff and that our doing, but Thomas will be fine! We just needed to push you out of your shell!" Patton said gleefully.

  Logan opens his eyes to look at the moral side in terror," excuse me?"

  "Well, now that you've embarrassed yourself you shouldn't feel scared to be emotional with us!" Patton says ignoring Logan's horrified expression.

  The logical side lets out a breath of a laugh. I really did embarrass myself, Logan thinks as his vision goes in and out. I was worried about nothing and Thomas kept getting hurt. What an embarrassment.

[starmakerdotcom]

summary : peach doubts himself once again.

characters : kwon baekhan , han jaeyi , rest of botanica ensemble mentioned (side note ; daniel’s korean name is jiwon and elliot’s is hanryeol , which is who jaeyi is referring to)

genre : tryna be angst but once again i cannot write angst but i tried

warnings : they say shit like twice , implied mental illness ?? maybe ?? he lowkey has a mini panic attack at the start . i don’t know if you can think of a better way to put it lmk also if u have a problem w the way i’m portraying this pls dm me !!! i’m always looking to learn more and i don’t wanna offend anyone <33

words : 1.5k

[ july 2019 , 1:34 am , SMK building rooftop ]

baekhan burst through the doors from the stairwell, immediately taking a gulping breath, taking in as much fresh air into his lungs as he could. he couldn’t breathe, he felt suffocated, like the roof was caving in around him. he needed fresh air, he needed to go outside, away from everything for just a minute.

he knew jaeyi would come looking for him eventually, he just needed a break, to get away from everything around him that made him feel like he wasn’t good enough.

take a break! jaeyi would say, you’re pushing yourself too much, you’ll regret it when you get hospitalized by passing out from exhaustion. that was ridiculous, he’d know when to stop himself. we can come back tomorrow! they’d say, but by that time it already was tomorrow, so he might as well stay the rest of the night, right? he was debuting in two weeks- oh god, he wasn’t ready for that. the others didn’t have to work as hard because they were gifted, naturally talented, and good enough to debut already. they didn’t understand that baekhan didn’t belong here. he was a fraud, he shouldn’t have made it as far as he did.

a fraud, untalented, not worthy, a fraud, a fraud, a fraud.

baekhan made his way over to the ledge, gripping onto the rail as his way of keeping himself grounded. the cold midnight breeze and the view of the entire city below him was strangely comforting. he exhaled for what felt like the first time in an hour, and just stood there for a second, his elbows supporting his body as he leaned on the railing, trying to clear his mind.

he hated the fact that he just got up and left instead of trying to calm down. even when he couldn’t breathe and it felt like the panelled ceiling of the practice room was falling and caving on top of him, running away from his problems wasn’t gonna fix them. bolting out of the practice room and hiding wasn’t gonna do anything, it just made him look like a coward.

he lowered his head, trying to calm his shaky breathing and trying to take his mind off the fact that the word kept dancing around in his head. fraud, fraud, fraud.

baekhan wasn’t that hard to find. after jaeyi convinced tian to go back to the dorm and sleep after he snuck out for much longer than he was supposed to, the rooftop was one of the first places he checked. although he was deathly afraid of heights and his legs shook every time he went up there, jaeyi had to somehow convince him to come back down and go back to the dorm with him.

he breathed a sigh of relief when he carefully pushed open the door to the roof and saw baekhan standing near the edge, leaning on the rail.

“baek?” he called as he made his way over to where the older stood, trying to block out the sound of cars rushing below them that made his head spin. baekhan whipped his head around quickly, but softened seeing it was just jaeyi. his eyes looked puffy.

“shouldn’t you be back at the dorm?” he asked.

“i came to look for you, you know i wouldn’t go back without you.”

“i know my way back,” baekhan replied cooly, “or are you trying to make sure i don’t off myself.”

jaeyi hesitated, “kind of? anyway- i’m talking you back to the dorm now. you need rest.”

baekhan sighed, “can we just stay out here for a minute? i need some fresh air, i promise i’ll come back after.”

jaeyi gulped, surpressing the urge to projectile vomit down the side of the building onto an unsuspecting driver below for the sake of his friend. “yeah, we can stay for a minute. i’m staying with you to make sure you come back.”

surprisingly, baekhan nodded in compliancy. “that’s fine,” he replied, turning around to slide down to a sitting position with the rail supporting his back, “i just need a minute.”

jaeyi sat down next to him, and the two sat in silence for a few minutes. although jaeyi was worrying about the possibility of the rail somehow giving way from the weight of the two scrawny boys and sending them tumbling over the edge, to eventually land in a sad pile as a gift to some poor pedestrian that just so happened to be walking at the wrong time.

“is there anything that’s bothering you? you don’t have to tell me, i just don’t want you to keep everything from me- i guess?” jaeyi asked.

“nothing that you can really help with,” baekhan mumbled.

“well- just tell me what’s on your mind, please? i might not be able to help, but maybe having someone listen will make it better?”

baekhan sighed, “maybe. it’s kind of complicated though.”

“try me,” jaeyi replied confidently.

nervously drumming his fingers on the concrete of the ground, he quickly said, “i’m not ready to debut.”

jaeyi blinked, “you’re being serious?” when baekhan nodded quickly, he continued, “you’re more ready than all five of us combined, where’d you get that from?”

“...because i’m not ready?” baekhan looked at jaeyi like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “have you seen my dancing? daniel has tried to help me so many times, and i’m still a horrible dancer. i don’t know how he’s so patient when i want to punch myself in the face every time i mess up the choreography.”

“i think your dancing is good...” jaeyi said quietly before baekhan continued, his eyes glossy from welling tears.

“i’m not ready, i don’t want to debut yet, i don’t even deserve to be here. you and daniel try to help, straighten your back, stick this move with your arms, chest out, neck straight, and i can’t fucking get it. i don’t know why i’m here. i’d probably be working at a fast food restaurant or something if i wasn’t here. i don’t deserve it, i’m not talented enough, i’m a fraud.”

jaeyi stiffened, not sure how to respond. he felt horrible knowing that his friend was going through this right under his nose and he had no clue. this wasn’t the confident, talented baekhan jaeyi thought he knew when he joined the company a few months prior. seeing him in a weak, vulnerable state like this filled him with an intense feeling of sonder. everyone around him, although they may have appeared fine, were living their own set of problems right underneath the surface that no one, or just a select few people even know about. but one thing was for sure, if kwon baekhan was anything, a fraud was most definitely not one of those things.

“you’re not a fraud,” jaeyi replied, and quickly added, “never were, and never will be.”

“you might think so,” baekhan quickly wiped a few stray tears away that had leaked down his cheeks and lowered his head again, letting his hair obscure part of his face, “i feel like it though. don’t bother asking why. i don’t know but i also do know.”

“i see,” jaeyi nodded slowly, “sorry- i’ve never been good with stuff like this.”

“no, it’s okay, it was actually good to get that off my chest, actually. i’ve never really said any of that out loud to anyone before,” baekhan reassured the younger.

“well- if you ever need to get anything else off your chest, come to me,” jaeyi said, “or jiwon, or sangwoo- eh no maybe not sangwoo, hanryeol- eh- tian- eh? maybe? me or jiwon would probably be your best bet, actually.”

baekhan laughed, and when he saw that jaeyi was starting to yawn, he said, “should we head back now? it’s late.”

“yeah, no shit it’s late,” jaeyi laughed with him, already starting to get up, “if you’re ready to go back, then yeah. i’d love to get off of this roof.”

“right,” baekhan followed, standing up as well. he almost felt lighter, like he could stand slightly straighter now, “that was refreshing.”

“you need sleep, i swear, have you seen yourself?” baekhan touched his face at that, and although he couldn’t see himself he could practically feel the dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep he’d gotten that past week.

“before we go back, c’mere,” jaeyi held his arms out, and when baekhan cautiously scooted closer, he grabbed him and enveloped him in a tight hug, baekhan immediately stiffening.

“you smell like sweat,” baekhan laughed, crinkling his nose.

“so do you,” jaeyi replied, “and can you please come to me next time you’re having trouble with something?”

“i’ll try,” baekhan mumbled into the taller boy’s chest, “oh god, what would i do without you, i swear.”

“ew, enough of that sappy shit- let’s get back now, or i’ll pass out in the elevator on the way back!” jaeyi said, loosening his grip around the shorter boy’s torso.

as the two boys walked off the roof and down to the elevator, baekhan felt a strange sense of relief that he hadn’t felt in what felt like years. and the rest of the night he’d stay up thinking- what in the world did he ever do to deserve a friend like han jaeyi?

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 19: Sinclair & Raven, Devotion

Sinclair & Raven, Canon-verse, ~650 words, for anonymous

My tag list: @ciewill @dealingdreams @shadowheron2013 @julyrubyrose @wonderland-promises @hanav @rycewritestrash @thelittlefanpire @musicnote902 @stonybnatural @earthgay2052 , @bellarkehastakenovermylife , @bellarkewriting, @astridandoddsandedds, @justbecauseyoubelievesomething @hopskipaway, @reyes-murphy lmk if you would like to be added to or deleted from this list)

*

Sinclair didn't pull strings for Raven because she aced her test. He wanted her in Zero G because she had something, less quantifiable than intelligence, so subtly innate that it could never be taught: a deep and unwavering devotion to the ship. A love for the Ark right down to the smallest nuts and bolts. He saw himself in her. He saw that same pure love of discovery, problem-solving, fixing and improving and innovating, which drove him like a steady and indomitable fire in his younger years. Hadn't seen anything to match it in a long time. Hadn't seen it in himself in a while, either.

At the top of the department, bureaucracy takes hold, a stifling, foggy atmosphere.

The more he got to know her, the more he saw his mistake. Raven was not the young Jacopo, reincarnated, reignited, not a fire at all but a constant new spark. She loved the work, more than the ship. She loved the task itself, as much as the results. She chased thrills, she courted risks, she did what no one else could or should have done, to prove that she could, and for the danger of it, and out of pride. And he knew that when she came back onto the ship, after one of her stunts, ready to ask for forgiveness, instead of permission, that he should tell her all the rules-and-regulations-reasons she was wrong. That stunt. That risk. The Ark he loved so dearly was not a place for risk and yet, she was Zero G, and at the top of the top, sometimes risk was all that was left.

She always fixed what needed to be fixed, kept the old boat running, kept them creaking along through space for even one more day.

And he could never bring himself to stifle anyone, and especially not her.

So he promoted her. He shook his head and looked down and made her wait out the moment so long that even her bright confidence wavered, and the smile slipped from her face, and she put her hands behind her back and tilted down her chin so that she almost looked contrite. And then he told her that she did a good job, and felt in her satisfaction and her pride, in the reflection of his own approval, a warmth like he imagined of the sun.

When it came down to a choice between the Ark and his own life, his family, his people, he brought the ship down. From the ruins, a metal sign to stick in the ground: Camp Jaha. A new home.

His wife died in the first month, from an illness to which she had no immunity, one of many unseen and novel dangers of the Earth. They never had their own allotted child. So now it's him and a few fragments of his people and a broken off bit of his life's work, his ship. Out of these haphazard shards, in the staggered end of the year, as the days grow shorter and colder and darker, he must reevaluate again, take his old passion and creativity and see what he can build.

So few people matter anymore. He watches Raven, limping down the muddy streets with her crutches, then her cane. As persistent and as stubborn and as ruthlessly brave as ever, as hard on herself as ever. Of everyone still living, he loves her most. He loves her like he used to imagine loving the daughter he was never given permission to have. This devotion doesn't feel like the arrogant, hard-edged, determination that was the engine in him, when he was her age. It feels like something that has softened in him over time, like the parched earth after heavy rains. Like maybe he can grow softer, still. Like maybe, by the time this winter ends, seeds that have already been planted may still start to grow.

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

Summer Games Inspired Blurbs

So I’m a little emotionally drained and I really wanna do this bc I feel like it’s a cool idea so I’m doing it now but I can’t promise when I’m going to get these blurbs up they’ll likely just be posted as normal blurbs are but whatever. This is also 100% a way for me to distract myself from Halloween as a thing going on atm and to try and prevent people requesting Halloween blurbs

Basically I’ve been binging the Smosh Summer (and Winter) Games series and I decided that I wanted to do blurbs inspired by them

I’m saying right now just to make it clear though - while this is inspired by Smosh and written with those people that I write for in mind, these prompts and AUs still are open for any of the normal people I write for as well. I mean I want to write for Ben Hardy facing the Apocalypse bc let’s be real, that’s a pretty sick AU, right??

Anyway, there are four AUs that I’ll be writing, each inspired by one of the Smosh Summer Games series

Smosh Summer Games Camp - Camp Counsilor!AU (one that I already write for and love but no one ever requests 🤷🏼‍♀️)

Smosh Summer Games Wild West - Wild West!AU (never done this before but I’m psyched)

Smosh Summer Games We Blew It - Circus!AU (someone originally replied to my post questioning what I should do for this one and they said carnival which reminded me of circus which is an AU I ADORE and have never written for on this account but man I’m excited for this one)

Smosh Summer Games Apocalypse- Apocalypse!AU (GUYS THIS IS THE SICKEST AU OKAY LIKE YES PLEASE SEND SOME IN FOR THIS, SURVIVING THE ZOMBIE APOCALYSE?!?! YES PLEASE)

Smosh Winter Games - it’s not an AU but a lovely, lovely nonny suggested writing blurbs where they’re snowed into the Winter Games cabin and I’m 100% here for that idea so we’re subbing that in now :)

If you guys can think of an AU inspired by either OG Summer Games then lmk and I’ll add it to this list and those requests will be welcome as well

Anyway! Here are the prompts for these blurb requests though as always, they’re just here for inspiration, you don’t have to use them if you don’t want to 😊

Also some of the prompts are taken from shows I like/books I like and some are also from the Smosh videos so bear in mind but most are just cute fluffy ones I like so… enjoy!! Please also send in some Shaymien x reader blurbs for me to write!!!

Angst:

“Did you think I would run into your arms?”

“Mistakes are easily made. Apologies aren’t”

“It’s not working out. We’re not working out.”

“I’m… I’m leaving… for good. I’ll… see you around…”

“Why are you doing this?”

“How do you expect me to trust you after this?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I should have known you were too good to be true”

“I don’t want to hear another excuse”

“You were meant to protect me from the monsters not become one of them”

“Don’t try and tell me that I faked anything about our relationship”

“I could punch you right now”

“Why are you lying to me?”

“Is that blood?” “No?”

“Do you even love me anymore?”

“Stop trying to fix me!”

“I hate that I still love you”

“Just because you don’t love me doesn’t mean no one can”

“No one should be as reliant on another person as I am on you”

“You can’t just run away from your problems”

Fluff:

“I was born to fall in love with you again.”

“Please hold me. It’s been a day.”

“My hand’s made to fit in yours”

“I couldn’t imagine my future without you now that I have you.”

“Sometimes I get scared about how much I love you”

“I’ll keep you warm”

“I won’t let anyone hurt you you’re safe with me”

“You’ve shown me what love can feel like”

“I can’t imagine this world without you”

“Dance with me”

“I’m home”

“You look like you could use a hug.”

“Don’t be scared - I’m right here”

“You’re so adorable”

“Go with me?” “Only if I can hold your hand”

“Have you seen my hoodie?” “Nooo.” “You’re wearing it, aren’t you?”

“Are you flirting with me?” “You’re only noticing now?”

“I’m too sober for this.” “You don’t even drink.” “Maybe I should start.”

“I’m never letting you go again”

��With your love I’m a better person”

Miscelaneous:

“There’s four things you can be in life: sober, tipsy, drunk and hungover. Tipsy is the only one that you’re not crying”

“Can you please get him to adress his fascination with sulphuric acid?”

“We’re very Hufflepuff here, are you sure you wouldn’t be more comfortable in Slytherin?”

“What’s the best way to make friends?” “Tell a woman you love her and her saying ‘I think we’re better off as friends’”

“Do you trust me?”

“Wow, that is a ridiculously big watermelon. I love it.”

“See - sometimes being a huge nerd comes in handy”

“Sometimes I wonder which of us you’re actually dating”

*takes shirt off* “am I smuggling dynamite in my pants?”

“What’s that on your shorts?” “Oh - it’s called excitement”

“We’ve been over this man - we’ll leave it on the course but I WILL fuck your whole family up and I’m not even joking”

“Full disclosure I could just be an arsehole”

“Who cares about what they think?”

“I don’t want to hear your excuse. You can’t just give me wet-willies.”

"I’m not pretty and I don’t have any bullets”

“You’re not really going to eat all those sweets are you?”

“Just when I was thinking you couldn’t get any less romantic”

“The ladies love a man who’s good with kids”

“Where am I going? Crazy. Wanna come?”

“Welcome back. Now fucking help me”

Sad:

“All I wanted was a happy ending”

“I didn’t get soaked wet through walking to your house for you to say no to pizza. I have beer too. I know you’re sad, so let me in.”

“I feel like I died alongside her/him”

“I am so busy keeping my head above water that I scarcely know who I am, much less who anyone else is”

“Never tell anyone anything because the moment you do you start missing everyone”

“Who hurt you?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you”

“Why are you crying?”

“I don’t deserve love - especially not yours”

“Sometimes I wonder what’s more inbalanced - the chemicals in my head or the distribution of our chores”

“Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.”

“Have I mentioned how much I hate Halloween?”

“Wake up! Please wake up!”

“Why are you awake?”

“Stop saying you’re okay when you’re clearly not”

“Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?”

“If you don’t hug me right now I might just fall apart”

“You can’t keep this all inside”

“What if one day I wake up and you don’t?”

“I can love you enough for the both of us”

Hella cliche situation prompts

Dying and confessing their love

Stealing their shirt

Kissing in the rain

There’s only OnE bEd

Secret relationship

Everyone keeps telling me to stay away from you bc you’re dangerous

Overhearing they have feelings for you

Taking care of the other when they’re injured/ill

I’m too stubborn to admit I’m scared but you know and take my hand

EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS YOUR GONNA DATE SO JUST FUCK ALREADY

[ughyoongis]

In The Midst Of Chaos

[ chapter 03 ] a prince!calum fic

A/N: i’m sooo happy you guys are enjoying this fic as much as I am! lmk what yall think of this update too! 

word count: 4.5k

warnings: mild language, minor mentions of war/violence

previous chapter

"Hey." Alice enters her study with an empty basket, ready to collect tonics for the maids this week. A skip to her step now that today is gloriously sunny and bright. The birds are chirping and she has a fresh bouquet in her vase from the flowers her mum grew at home.

Luke lies on his cot, which should be for patients, but isn't as of right now. He's holding her sketchbook in one hand as he flips through it.

"You draw the prince a lot." He states, at the same time she feels a dip in her gut, anchoring through the floor.

"I-" She can't explain this one, not when he's so clearly not going to buy her bullshit. She draws Calum all the time, not like he's the only thing in that book, but he's in every few pages.

"You may be the one girl in the kingdom who finds him even remotely charming." Luke teases, he's not the kind to blackmail her with this stuff, they're pretty close since they spend every day together here. He merely opens up to one she had scribbled in last week, of Calum in the library, book open in his hands as he reads intently. She had hung out with him (yet again) in the comfort of their downtime.

"He's nice." She says, at the same time Luke sputters out a laugh. Her face morphs into a frown. "He is, okay?"

The blue eyed boy merely hums and keeps flipping through, "I'm sure he is." Sarcasm. She rolls her eyes.

"Give it back, Luke." Her hand reaches for it at the same time he gasps at a page. Turning it over so she can see what's so surprising.

"You drew him smiling?" He yells way too loud for her liking, her hands grab the sketchbook once and for all and clutches it at her side.

"Will you be quiet?" She hisses, "He smiles around me, so what?"

"I don't think he's smiled since he was a kid, that's what." Luke whispers back, "He's got to be in love with you if he's smiled at you."

"Shut up." She throws her book back into the drawer she keeps it in, locking it this time for good measure. Alice doesn't want to put silly thoughts like that into her mind.

"We're friends, Luke. I don't treat him like shit and that's why he and I get along. You should try it." Her fake grin doesn't go unnoticed as the blonde across the room merely smirks.

"I can't believe you've seen it."

"Seen what?"

"Him smiling."

She nearly jumps out of her skin when a knock muffles from the hallway, her eyes send a warning glare Luke's way, making sure he understands to not say anything as she makes her way to the door. He shuffles his way off his cot and back to his desk and pretends to find his medicines interesting.

Penelope stands with her hands nervously clasped together.

"Alice," She grins, happy she answered the door. "The prince needs you upstairs. Do you know where to go?" Her eyes scan over her body language to try and read her.

"Not really." She hates lying, and the fact Calum did it so easily when stating she's his personal nurse made her want to scream. And she's not going to add onto that already unfair lie.

"Okay, so, instead of going towards the maids quarters, you'll turn right at the top of the stairs instead. Turn at the first hallway you see and it's the last set of doors all the way at the back. Not hard to miss, dear." Penelope gives her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, "It's his mother."

The queen. Alice's heart races in her chest, the sound feels loud enough to bring the walls to the ground. She's never met her, and she never speaks to the public anymore, but when she used to, she was so kind. So considerate. She had come from a neighboring kingdom, born in the lower class and made her way up to her kingdom's castle as a duchess. When the king had visited, at the time a new prince, he had been given four women to choose from. He ignored them all and chose her.

"You'll do great." Penelope senses her worries. "She's a sweetheart, truly."

The young girl gives a soft nod and grabs her regular supplies and heads on up. She has no idea what any of this has in store. So she settles for her simplest kit and ambles her way up the stairs and down each corridor with less excitement in each step as she goes.

The problem is, there's rumors throughout the castle, towards what's exactly wrong with Calum's mother. Some say she's just stowed away so her husband can rule the nation without her much more civil, pure nature to step in and change what he's doing. Other's say she only has a few months left before she's gone from a chronic illness.

And Calum won't tell her anything.

It's not like she asks, though. His private life is none of her business.

By the time the doors are presented in front of her she feels everything inside of her drain from her face, she can hear them talking, faintly, but she recognizes Calum's voice and it's... different.

Her clammy hand reaches up and knocks.

He stops speaking and soon the door opens to see him in much simpler clothing than usual, his hair isn't styled, and to her very awestruck surprise, he has no crown on his head. If anything, he looks oddly normal.

"Hi." He speaks, a soft smile on his face, he looks calm, and happy. Almost relieved that she showed up. It makes her feel a little bit better about the situation.

"Good morning." She smiles back, happy to see him happy. That's a good sign.

"Mother, Alice is here." He let's her into the room, which is far more extravagant than anything she's seen so far. The bed, especially. A canopy style with silky drapes and covers, finely embroidered patterns on the pillows. And the queen lies there, bedridden, her body underneath all the luxurious covers. Her crown sits on the nightstand beside her, along with a few candles she has spread throughout the room.

"It's lovely to meet you." The queen, herself, speaks, voice gentle as she manages to lift her hand out for Alice to take. She gladly does so, curtseying in the process.

"And you as well, your majesty." She smiles. Penelope wasn't lying, she really is nice. Genuinely, too.

"My son tells me you're his best friend." The queen says, her hand squeezes Alice's, weakly, but it's there. "I wanted to meet you."

At those words she whips her head around to look at the maori boy stood in the corner of the room, awkwardly fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He gives her a shy grin, and she looks a little closer, and he's blushing. The prince. Blushing. She feels proud of this accomplishment of sorts.

"Oh?" Is all she can say.

"You're a nurse here, yes?"

"Just started a month ago." She answers, her blonde hair in it's braid swings as she faces the woman with a grin.

"He's quite fond of you, I can tell. He talks about you nonstop. You two are close, from what I've heard, he's always running off to meet with you." She's so knowingly embarrassing her son, and he turns as red as can be in the corner of the room, his hands fiddle with a tea kettle as he fixes up a drink in a delicate teacup.

The queen makes sure she keeps eye contact with Alice when they speak, and she listens to her with such attentiveness it's welcoming and warm.

"I had no idea." She gives a sheepish grin that grows when she hears Calum speak.

"She's over-exaggerating." He blushes despite his words. His hands carry a teacup over to his mother, helping her sit up before he let's her take it from him and sip from it every now and then.

"I'm sure Penelope would say the same things about me." Alice makes sure to not let Calum feel so ashamed for being excited to see her. "She's starting to get very suspicious about my many visits to the library."

"And the gardens, I hear." The queen slips her way into the conversation again with a knowing grin on his lips, she looks tired, but still happy. "Cal, dear, grab me something from the kitchen, maybe a biscuit or two."

Cal. The nickname brings a smile to Alice's face, and the maori prince shuffles out of the room with her request in mind.

The door shuts and the queen places a hand on top of hers, "My son is very kind, I'm sure you know that, right, dear?"

She nods. It pains her not to tell the truth. Kind, to her, surely. To others? Debatable.

"God, I love him, he's the one person who can get me to laugh these days, has such a lovely personality, never fails to make me smile." She seems so reminiscent, her eyes well a little bit, "He seems happier than usual, I think it's because of you."

Alice feels her heart skip a selfish beat as that goes straight to her head, she's making the prince happy? In what world does a happy Calum truly exist? Luke would laugh in her face, anyone would. But the queen merely pats the top of her hand.

"He wants you to attend his birthday gala." The queen whispers, like he'll hear her despite the distance. "I will do whatever it takes to get you to go. He'd have such a wonderful time if he saw you were there. You see, Calum's not one for festivities. He's declined the idea of a birthday gala for the past five years, but now all of a sudden he decided he wants one and he's so excited. You must go."

Alice is speechless, her eyes wide, lips parting to try and think of how to articulate just how confusing this all is.

He hasn't thrown a gala for himself in years, it's always been the usual balls: Christmas, New Year's, and the anniversary of the king and queen. But he wants one now? With only a week in advance?

"You're a beautiful girl, he seems very smitten with you, do this for me, will you? Make my boy happy for the night?" She's squeezing her hand again and it has Alice caving.

"Okay." She whispers. She has no idea how to pull this off. Let alone how Calum could possibly find her in the midst of the thousands of people who flood into the castle to attend a glorious ball. What will she wear?

"Lovely." The queen smiles, genuinely. "Don't tell him I made you go. He'll get embarrassed again."

She remembers the way his face went vermillion from his repetitive blushing, his eyes crinkling at the corners, the way he smiled when he saw her at the doorway. Her stomach somersaults in her chest. She can't wait a week all of a sudden.

"He hasn't had a friend in years." The queen reveals with a sad smile, "Thank you, Alice, my boy is back now."

-

The next few days pass by in a whimsical whir of medicine and ice packs, her hands busy themselves at home by baking and cooking for her family whenever she gets the chance. Waves of energy keep her bouncing up and on the go in the morning only to sigh and fall into bed that night, her sketchbook tucked under her pillow.

Calum stays up restlessly those nights, pacing his room in agony as he stares at the letter on his desk. Tears it up. Rewrites it. Only to tear it up again. He's a perfectionist, always has been, and the words that he wants to say aren't exactly there yet. He can't articulate his point, can't sway his perspective enough to even fathom the idea of sending the letter out. He gets a total of eight hours of sleep over the course of three nights.

Alice notices on the fourth morning. When she enters the library with a book in her hand, and Calum sits, hunched over on the desk, pen in hand as he tries to complete his work for his tutor to revise and grade. He hates having homework, hates the fact a guy his age is judging his opinion on books he doesn't care about that revolve around law and war.

"I don't mean to alarm you, but you look dead, Calum." She slips herself into the chair beside him, scooting closer so she can see what he's trying to right about, something about the strategies of winning allies and gaining mutuality in nations. Fancy political garbage that she couldn't care less about.

He huffs weakly and let's his head fall down to rest on the desk, arms folded to block out any light that may shine in his face.

"M'tired." He states, clearly.

"Then rest." She lifts his pen out of his hand and moves his work away from him. "I'll keep watch, no one will bother you."

He wants to say thank you, but his lips don't open fast enough before he feels a hand find his head. The crown on top gets lifted off and he's jolting up, alarmed, only to see Alice place it delicately on the desk beside him.

"I, um," He can't bring himself to say it. Now's not the right time. He shakes his head. When will it be the right time? "I want you to go to the gala, this week."

He doesn't hear her response, and can't bring himself to look at her just yet, not as he feels his face burning with embarrassment. He knew he should've never asked. It's a silly thing to ask for.

"It's for my, uh, my twenty second birthday." He can't go back, so his brain forces him to ramble. "There's a chance I won't be able to dance with you, but I-I..." He cringes, "I would like it if you danced with me."

Alice's heart thumps so wildly in her chest she's afraid he might be able to hear it. A dance? With the prince? That's usually for those waiting in line of the throne, or possible future princesses he may marry. There's no way he means a dance as in a way to tell those at the gala he finds an interest in her? Does he?

"I just-" He sighs, "I'm not a fan of big social gatherings but I think if you're there I'll feel a bit better. You're my closest friend."

Friend. Her smile falters, and she bites down on her tongue. Of course.

"I'll go." She whispers, despite the sadness clawing it's way up her throat. She can't let him hear the distress in her tone, how disappointed she is to be called a friend.

She looks on the bright side- he hasn't had a friend in years. That's got to mean something.

"Okay." He sounds relieved. "Thank you."

He falls asleep with his head down on the desk, his face turned to one side so she can see the way his eyelashes curl against his cheeks, how his lips part as he softly snores. She reaches out without thinking and runs her fingers through his unruly curls, she feels him lean against her touch as she does it, silently asking for her to keep doing that.

He has a pout on his face when she lets go. And it only deepens when she gets up and leaves.

He wakes up to an empty seat, and a heavy crown on his head instead of her hand. He hates how much he misses her presence. How he goes on with his day lulling around in the garden wordlessly, picking leaves off of trees and letting the thorns from roses prick the tips of his fingers until it hurts enough to make his eyes well up.

His mother spends supper in bed while he eats with his father in the dining hall, he rarely says anything, only ever speaks when asked a question, he imagines Alice is at the table, smiling with a book in her one hand as she drinks champagne with the other. He swigs some wine with no interest in savoring the taste.

He just wants to stop thinking about her. About her eyes and her laugh, her hair and her freckles. It all keeps showing up, in the statues in the halls, the flowers in the garden, even his own room, where he lies in bed, alone, imagining what it would be like to have her beside him. If he'd enjoy someone else in the comfort of his solitude.

After some debating, he comes to a conclusion.

Solitude is wherever Alice is.

-

"Your highness, I'm so sorry." The man apologizes for the fourth time as he tries to tailor his suit for him for the gala tonight. He's stood in his dressing room, the fabric on his skin being put together from the same tailor who fits his father, a stout man who panics every time Calum looks displeased.

Alice hasn't talked to him in two days. He's left her a book and has yet to receive it back. She seems to be elsewhere when he requests her presence.

He's adorned in baby blue, his mother's favorite color, and the white appliqués contrast entirely to his dark features. He's never felt so disgustingly fluorescent in his life, but his mother was pleased to hear he chose that fabric on her behalf.

"Try these." The tailor hands him a different set of cufflinks, anxiously awaiting his approval.

"They'll have to do." He clenches his jaw, tense and beginning to regret the idea of this bloody thing. He wants to call it off, but everything's all set up and he'd be facing weeks of backlash for doing such a thing. He'll have to suck it up.

"Your crown, your highness." The tailor presents it to him, the maori's eyes shoot daggers his way as he places it upon his own head despite a servant's plea that they can do it for him.

"Prince Calum, the guests are entering now." A man enters the room, and alerts him of the party starting, "It'd be best if you headed down soon."

Here goes nothing. He sighs, rolls his shoulders, then heads on out, only to triple check his appearance in each passing mirror. The worry eats its way at him from the inside out.

"Your royal highness, Calum Hood."

The doors of the ballroom open and he enters to applause and joyous cheers, loud orchestra music filling the room as he's quick to realize why he hated these things so much in the first place.

Everybody pretends to like him for a night. They all fake smile and fake laugh, they treat him with respect as if he doesn't see the way their breathing hitches when he goes to shake their hands. The servants walking around with trays grow beady eyed at his presence, making sure to do their very best. He supposes that maybe this will be short. He'll try to keep tonight as simple as possible.

He scans the crowd as he walks through it, eyes trying to find one girl in particular. He doesn't know anybody, very rarely does he find a familiar face in the crowd during his search.

"Happy birthday, your highness." He hears a familiar voice and his eyes flicker to try and find it.

"Ashton." He realizes with a breath of relief at someone he can talk to properly. "Thank you."

They stand silently for a bit, he tries to find her again, lips parting as he fails to find so much as a trace of her appearance.

"Ashton, have you seen-"

"Not yet, your highness." He makes a face of pity, towards the prince of all people. "If she is here, she's buried somewhere within these people."

Just as he finishes his sentence a body topples into his side, a yelp falling from their lips as he grabs onto the girl by the waist, a blur of a poofy blue dress strikes his eye and he trails his way up to their face. 

"Happy birthday." She speaks, out of breath.

He can sense everyone around him stop and watch them, as he helps her back up onto two feet, face in utter awe as he realizes she had shown up. Beautiful than ever. Her hair is down, unlike every time he sees her with it pulled back for work, and she has a locket around her neck, old and antique, but he adores it.

"Thank you." He whispers, trying to maintain composed as he fights back a smile. He gestures to the orchestra before glancing at her once more. "Would you like to join me in a dance?"

Her smile is answer enough as she takes his hand, for the first time, and it has him reeling over the moon. He feels elated, fantastic even. This may be his best birthday yet. He can hear people's feet shuffle as they clear the floor, others link up with their partners as they join him in the first dance of the night, a waltz begins.

He hates dancing.

"You're not the best dancer, I'm afraid." She watches the way he has to look down at his feet in concentration, her own move effortlessly. The way her own mum had taught her growing up.

"I haven't danced since I was seventeen." He admits, "Sorry."

"No need." She grins, as he manages to spin her well enough that she can tell he's just rusty, but not bad. This is just a little warm up. But it may be the best dance she's ever been a part of.

"I haven't heard from you for a few days."

"I've been at home." She explains sadly, "My mum is sick."

"So is mine." He whispers, and her heart drops. He's used to it. "That's a conversation for another time. How are you?"

"Stressed, but feeling much better now that I'm here." She helps him get back into the rhythm of the music, her hand being held by his makes her feel giddy inside. Her eyes fall to his suit, "This color looks nice on you."

"Touché." He mutters at the same time he glances at those around him. Their flashy dresses and suits glimmer against the chandeliers as he manages to spin her around once more, the way she grins so easily, has him boasting in his pride a little bit. He worried over nothing, they're still friends.

His one hand not holding hers rests on the dip in her waist, she feels herself go weak at his touch, and grins sheepishly to try and hide her blush.

She notices the girls around her, how they seem confused, is she being too obvious? Is it clear she's not wealthy? They all stare at the prince, at how he manages to carry on a smooth conversation while she smiles and talks to him. They're either suspicious at how close they seem or at how she's not intimidated by him.

"I was at your last birthday ball, you know." She reminisces, smiling at him as he seems taken back by her statement.

"My mother used to work for you guys, she sewed the queen's wedding dress." She can feel his hand squeeze hers, and her eyes crinkle at the obvious nerves within him. A man feared by the people is clamming up under the pressure of a waltz.

"I was sixteen, and so scared of everything." She laughs as the maori hums to prove he's listening. "I remember the food the most, the cake was red velvet."

"It's my favorite." He says, "Always has been."

The music dies down and he spins her one last time before she gives him her giddiest smile, dimples in her cheeks ever prominent. Her hands slip out of his and he stumbles back, bidding her adieu as the festivities continue.

"Thank you." He mouths to her, at the same time she gives a curtsey, her eyes as full of kindness as he's used to seeing. Calum's hands feel sweaty and he has to bite his tongue to keep himself from grinning.

"Dreadful, isn't it?" A girl speaks beside her, suddenly by Alice's side in an over the top red ball gown covered in lace appliqués. She has a glass of champagne in her hand, and swirls the liquid around as she speaks. "The prince doesn't even know how to dance well."

Alice tenses, not exactly a fan of the energy this party has all of a sudden. She can't muster up a response, hoping to get the point across that she isn't going to add her input into this conversation.

The brunette huffs, "You know, I danced with him once, and hated every second of it. He was so intimidating, so quiet." She shivers at the unwelcome memory, "By the time the song ended he tried to kiss my hand and I refused to let him. Stormed right out."

"All because he couldn't dance?" Alice blurts, before her mind decides if this conversation is even worth her time.

The girl rolls her eyes, "No, his parents wanted me to try and marry him, as much as I love Queen Joy I would never be with someone so..." She skims Calum's appearance up and down as he discusses something to his father in the distance, shoulders broad, hands clasped behind his back.

"Manipulative." She decides, "Bastard probably doesn't even know how to emote nowadays."

Alice bites her cheek, and the pressure to speak up builds in the pit of her stomach. She can't just stand here and listen to some girl speak so lowly of Calum, of the prince, the man who has been nothing more than considerate to those who matter to him.

His mum. Alice remembers, and her heart wrenches at the words she used to describe her son. Caring, kind. She has no idea people say these things about him.

"Could you imagine?" She thinks out loud, "Having to marry him?"

Calum must feel them staring from afar because he glances through the crowd until his gaze meets Alice's and he gives her a longing look.

"Better not come over here," The girl beside her plasters a forced smile on her face as she speaks, waving at him. He gives her a nod of acknowledgement. "I'll tell you what, take one for the rest of us and marry him, that way we don't have to."

Alice wants to cry hearing that, because Calum has a heart and it's cold, yes, but it beats and flutters every time he sees her and maybe hers flutters at the sight of him, too. He has a soul and it's pained and full of sorrow but his mum is bedridden due to an illness that only gets worse every day and he has no choice but to live to his father's ruthless expectations. He has bad days and good ones, he lives in wealth and has no clue how little money his workers, his own servants, get paid. She adores Calum for being so strong when everyone else throws nothing but insults and glares his way. She truly adores him.

tag list:

@yeahimfinee

[userpluto]

°✧｡ [DIANE GUERRERO, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER] IT’S BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE PLUTO JOINED VELIA FROM HENDERSON, NEVADA. APPARENTLY THEIR NAME IS VERONICA MUÑOZ AND THEY’RE AN ARCHER. THEY HAVE BEEN FIGHTING AS A SOLO PLAYER FOR A WHILE NOW. DIDN’T PEOPLE SAY THEY WERE NOT A BETA TESTER? I HEARD THEY TURNED THIRTY TWO THIS YEAR. LET’S HOPE THEY MAKE IT OUT ALIVE.  

what up y’all, it’s me again, im jared im 19 and i never fckng learned how to read !! aka binx 26 but i still cant read, and this is vero, aka pluto! she’s a financial analyst aka big on strategy and v Upsetti that everything she worked on her whole life is meaningless in this dang bideo game. lmk if you wanna plot w her, i have some suggested connections in here and am open to more ! yeehaw ! 

[ LOADING USER INFORMATION ]

NAME : “vero” veronica muñoz ALIAS : pluto LEVEL : 58 CLASS : archer GUILD : solo POSITION : n/a CURSOR: orange SKILLS : appraisal, listening, luck, communication  WEAPONS: bow and arrow, fists in close combat 

[ LOADING GAME … ]

WARNINGS : MENTIONS OF DEATH, CAR ACCIDENT

vero was born in henderson, nevada, close enough to vegas and business convention centers to see the lights but far enough for it to feel boring. she was the eldest child of three, and she was always protective of her younger siblings. vero’s family was scattered, some on the east and west coast, and others back home in colombia. the family often got together for holidays, usually at her grandparents’ home in connecticut. 

when vero’s younger siblings were in high school, their lives took a sudden turn from one day to the next. it was just another day, unremarkable except for the sudden phone call that would uproot their lives. vero was coldly informed that her parents had been in a car accident, and neither of them made it.

all at once, everything changed, but somehow felt the same. neighbors and friends were concerned, but the condolences and the food and the visits tapered off within a few weeks. life moved on, and everyone had to return to school and work. the bills had to be paid, and exams had to be taken. vero’s siblings didn’t want to leave school or move at such important points in their lives, and she couldn’t begrudge them that. 

difficult wouldn’t begin to describe the last two years of vero’s university career. between moving home, continuing her classes online, completing her internship, and her newly instated role as her siblings’ guardian, she hardly ever had time for friends or fun. vero threw herself into everything that was thrown at her, always carefully avoiding the reality of everything she’d lost. 

vero tried her best to be a replacement parent and a good big sister to her siblings. it was difficult to play so many roles, but they made it out within a few years, and her career never took a hit. vero’s laser focus and refusal to take any breaks made her an asset at work, and the money helped the family in the meantime. for all her worries, she felt that she was successful, and that was all that mattered. 

when her youngest brother graduated from high school, he went across the country for university just like their middle brother. with her siblings scattered and busy with school, pluto threw herself fully into her work. she spent countless hours at her desk, crunching numbers and reviewing possible investments for the company. the certainty of the numbers and the ability to take control of situations were comforting in a way, and she preferred it to the instability and unpredictability outside of it. 

most people that knew pluto would have called her a workaholic. her work was her life, and that often negatively affected everything outside of work. relationships were often short lived, and those that lasted usually ended when girlfriends realized that they would always play second fiddle to vero’s work. 

when the company made the acquisition of redmaster studios, it presented another assessment for vero. velia was slated to be a big hit, with promising reviews and feedback on the beta version. vero liked the bottom line and the incoming numbers, and she looked forward to what else the gaming market could do for the media company she worked for. as an employee and with a vested interest in it’s launch, she was given a free access code to play the game when it released. always one to do some extra research on the company’s investments - and with no other plans that night - vero decided to check out the game. 

[ FILE CORRUPTED ]

it wasn’t long into the game that vero understood the hype. the virtual world was a nice escape, and the realistic immersion would make anyone want to stay for a while. it seemed promising, and with what little she knew about video games, she liked what she saw in terms of the company’s possible return on investment.

that was until she tried to log out.

vero thought there was some glitch in the game, and her first instincts were disappointment and frustration. glitches and bugs this huge would only hurt the game’s bottom line, and she hoped that it would be fixed quickly.

the message from the gamemaker didn’t help things. an unhinged and dangerous leader didn’t look well for any company, and his association with vero’s parent company wouldn’t be good. these were her worries, and she focused on them to ignore the obvious problem - she was probably not getting out any time soon. 

after some time in the game, vero has come to accept that she’s stuck for the foreseeable future. still, she resents the fact that she worked hard her whole life and has nothing to show for it. the money, connections, and clout she accumulated in her real life mean almost nothing in game. she had some insight on the game’s early development, but nothing that would really translate to something beneficial living in it.

pluto studied and learned the game’s odds, rng, and boss statistics during her time in the game. she’s worked to understand the inner workings, crunching the numbers the way she did in the real world. her analytic approach to successful outcomes have come in handy for some battles, and she hopes to make herself an asset and use that to stay alive as long as possible. 

pluto hasn’t decided on a guild just yet. while it seems like her odds would be better if she had a stable group she wants to make the right decision. she’s actively vetting groups and when the time is right, will use her knowledge to leverage a position in one. she hopes that such an alliance will get her closer to her ultimate goal - getting back to the real world, to the life she worked so hard to build. she just hopes it’s still there when she gets back. 

[ POTENTIAL CONNECTIONS ]

coworker: someone she knew at her old company, that she spent some late nights working with (potentially could be a romantic connection or eventually become romantic) 

ex-girlfriend?: vero had quite a few short lived relationships, and a couple longer term ones, in her real life. she would’ve broken up with some girlfriends due to her workaholic tendencies. this person could hold ill will toward her or still have some feelings for her (and vice versa), and potentially could see if vero’s changed and maybe try to spark something again (or just tell her how she’s still working too hard and no fun even in a game lmao) 

guild connection(s): pluto is currently a solo player, but she enters battles and brokers information to guilds in exchange for in game currency and favors. she could have a connections with someone in a guild (or multiple people), providing advice or analytic information based on past battles, the odds of winning certain battles, etc 

etc: i’m open to other connections and will probably add more as i think of them, but if you have any ideas and want to plot something, pls just im me and we can talk!! 

[traumahoney]

This is one of my fav blogs.. I have notifs on for you honestly I love these posts so much. What do all your tags mean? Also I luv u

oh my god i luv u ??? this is the cutest ask aw i appreciate the support baby! heres the big block of text explaining my tags also if u wanted this answered privately just lmk and i can fix it!

tags about certain people:

good kid - my older male cousin, who molested me and two of my other cousins when i was 3

grandpa - my grandfather who physically abused and neglected me from ages 4-8 (he also used to put cigarettes out on my arms so thats what those posts in there are abt hah)

grandma - the wife of my grandfather, who emotionally abused and neglected me, again from ages 4-8

hannah - my best friend in 4th-5th grade, who sexually abused me for the entirety of our friendship

boy next door - a male friend of mine, who was a really good friend for a long time, but one day he tried to choke me to death in my bedroom and my brother had to push him off of me

the girls - the cousins, who were also molested by “good kid”, who later re-enacted the molestation on me from ages 11-13

doctor jones - a therapist i had who i confided everything in, and she would constantly invalidate me, my problems, and my sexual orientation

december - one of my best friends in freshman & sophomore year of high school who later sexually assaulted me in my bedroom

meyer - another one of my best friends, who forced me into a sexual situation, knowing my history with sexual abuse and knowing i was incredibly vulnerable to things like that

said the match to the gaslight - a relationship i was in (uncomfortable disclosing age/time of relationship) where i was manipulated and gaslighted for an extended period of time

mother dearest - a tag for my mother. i have complicated feelings about her, as she refused to believe me when i told her about “good kid” when i was young. but i want to clarify that i love both of my parents very dearly.

dead end boys - a tag to address the emotionally/mentally abusive relationships i’ve been in that weren’t traumatic on their own, but all together affect me very strongly 

baby brother - a tag i’ve only used maybe once or twice, meant for the strong protective feelings i have over my younger brother. i love him very much and i never want the world to hurt him the way it’s hurt me

tags about places/things/times:

the basement - the basement of my grandfather’s house, where he would beat me and sometimes lock me in for days at a time

compliance - a tag for the “it’s all my fault” feelings. started as a tag to vent me feelings after my significant other accused me of “cheating” when i told him about the incident with “meyer”

our lord and savior - a tag for my anger at god. i was raised to believe that god had the best intentions for me and everything that happened in my life was “god’s plan.” after encountering multiple abusive situations, you can see why this would lead me to resent god and, later, dismiss religion altogether

disordered eating - kinda self explanatory, my tag for things that remind me of or that are related to my struggle with disordered eating (i was severely anorexic for multiple years in middle school and am still struggling to recover)

2015 - the year i tried to kill myself via overdose and still woke up the next morning

september 17 - the night my best friend attempted suicide via blood loss, recorded the majority of it, and sent it to me

self sabotage - just things related to my subconscious habit of sabotaging myself because i think i deserve it lol

craving abuse - again, self explanatory, just a tag for things related to the symptom accompanied w trauma of confusing abuse for love and, therefore, craving it

2011 - the year my depression started affecting me, some repressed memories surfaced, and i was diagnosed with almost all the mental illnesses i have now. in short, one of the worst years of my life.

aftermath - symptoms i experienced after being molested and abused that my parents either missed or dismissed (the biggest ones include refusing to be touched at all for almost a year and becoming mute for about nine months)

objectification - a tag for those “i am an object, only good for pleasing others” feelings

(and honey.txt is just my personal posts!)

i think i covered all of them? if i missed one please just let me know tho i love u sm and would love to hear from u !! x