#if you need help with any other effect lemme kno

[ghoullist]

How did you get those pixel effects in the background? DId you draw them individually? ;-;

NOOOO omg I used a layer mode in photoshop called dissolve!

really shitty tutorial impromptu below the cut ???

I copied the character set, merged the layers, added a fill colour & blurred the silhouette so I got something like this: 

I then set the layer mode to “dissolve” which is directly under the default setting and adjusted the opacity so I got something similar to this: 

When you zoom in, though, it looks pretty harsh, so what I like to do is copy the layer, blur the copy, and reduce the opacity of the first layer so you achieve this sort of “glow” effect. 

If you need to adjust the radius of the dissolve, then adjust the initial blurring of the layer OR just adjust the opacity of the dissolve layer itself. You can also just make the layer mode dissolve right at the start and adjust the gaussian blur after the fact! 

i..guess you could also just erase the bits you don’t want

By buffering the layer with more low-opacity blurs you get a much softer look, which works well if you want to do low effort magical effects or a really intense night sky type look. I would also recommend duplicating some layers, giving them a feathered mask and changing the color!

[bastardnev]

That Guy Next Door -- Chapter 4

this chapter is Sad but it’s also Long so there’s That

tagging: @tylerblacks​ @joonhobi​ @rivela​ @aliciasfox @sailor-slam-dunk​ @kidvoodoo​ @smolsammichu​ @simulated-heat​ @douglas-leon-michael​ @1dluver13xx (lemme kno if you wanna be on my nevstafa taglist!!)

Prev.: Ch. 1 ♡ Ch. 2 ♡ Ch. 3 ♡

The rest of the day had been a blur.

Neville could remember going home and getting a big reception from the girls (as well as a disgruntled and hungry Wade), but not much else after that. He was distracted during all of dinnertime, while he was cleaning up afterwards, when he was putting the girls to bed -- so much had happened once he made it back to his house, and yet he barely remembered a thing.

All because he couldn’t stop thinking about Mustafa.

He toyed with the idea of telling Wade about what happened. In all the years that they’d known each other, Wade had been his go-to man whenever he needed advice on anything. He would always be there to listen to him and help him through whatever problems he had. There certainly wouldn’t be any harm in seeing what he had to say, would there?

But then he remembered the texts that Wade had sent him while he was over at Mustafa’s house, and how he had spent the last few weeks doing nothing but teasing him about how ‘perfect’ he and Mustafa would be if they were to become a couple, and just like that the idea of talking to him became very unappealing.

Neville knew that Wade didn’t mean any harm by his comments and that in the end he was only trying to help him, but asking him for advice on whether or not he should accept the date seemed like a poor idea considering the response he was sure to get. He got the feeling that there would be a solid five minutes of ‘I told you so’ before any actual conversation took place. If Neville wanted to have a serious discussion about this, Wade was probably not the best person to speak to about it, so he decided to keep this little secret to himself for the time being.

As Neville lie awake in bed that night, he replayed that moment over and over again in his mind. He swore that he could still feel Mustafa’s hand grabbing his arm, resting on the hoodie that was now neatly folded and sitting atop Neville’s dresser. Neville would bury his face in his pillow, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping that sleep would soon overcome him, or that he would be able to focus on literally anything else, but it was all for naught.

Try as he might, he simply couldn’t scrub Mustafa out of his mind.

Neville sat up and reached towards his phone sitting on his night table. As he squinted at the bright light of his lock screen, he noticed that it was close to 1:30 in the morning. Great, I’ll be tired as fuck during work tomorrow. He put the phone back down and huffed as the back of his head sunk into his pillow. Of all the times he could have chosen to have a relationship crisis, he had to choose now?

“What the fuck am I gonna do…?” Neville groaned aloud to no one in particular, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands so hard that he was beginning to see stars. He knew that he couldn’t keep Mustafa waiting very long -- he said that there was no rush and that he could take his time, but it would feel wrong if it took Neville forever to make a decision.

It was only a yes or no question, wasn’t it? This should be simple to answer. Does Neville want to go on a date with him, or doesn’t he? Originally Neville had been positive that the latter would be the case -- the two of them hardly knew each other. They were complete strangers. Who possibly expected Neville to agree to a date with someone who had only just moved into the neighborhood? It was foolish to think that way.

But then Neville had started to get to know Mustafa. He was immediately drawn to him from the moment that their eyes locked on the day he went to retrieve Daisy and Jen’s ball. There was something about him that made Neville want to be around him more often -- hell, he had been hanging around in his house only a few hours ago. It was as if he was subconsciously finding excuses just to be able to speak with him again. Would he really have given a shit if I’d thrown his junk mail away? Did I really have to bring it over to him? Did Neville do that out of the kindness of his heart, or because he wanted to see him?

And the more that Neville thought about it -- and as nervous as this particular thought made him -- he wondered if being in an actual relationship with Mustafa would be all that bad. He was a kind, good-looking guy who got along well with children. From the little bit that he’d seen, he and the girls seemed to like each other. He and Neville would probably work… well together.

Before he could stop himself, Neville’s mind was suddenly flooded with different scenarios of the two of them together. He pictured himself waking up next to him early one morning, sunlight barely shining in through the curtains. Maybe it was a little chilly in the room, so he pulled the blankets up over the two of them and snuggled his face into Mustafa’s chest until he finally fell asleep again.

He pictured himself walking down a busy street with him, their hands tightly laced together as they wove their way through the crowd of people. Neville wasn’t entirely sure of where the two of them were headed, but judging by the big smile on Mustafa’s face it had to be good. Was it the coffee shop he’d told him about? Or maybe he was going to surprise him by taking him someplace fancy? Whatever the case may be, he kept his hand in his.

He pictured himself standing close to him one night as they’re both home alone, Wade most likely having taken the girls out some place so the two of them could have some time together. Neville’s back was pressed against the wall, his arms were wrapped around Mustafa’s waist, and he was slowly leaning in until their lips were mere centimeters apart…

Christ, stop it!! Neville scolded himself and shook his head, sighing frustratedly into his pillow as his hands balled into fists. This shouldn’t be happening. It wasn’t right. It didn’t make any sense. After all this time, after all these years of being single and not being interested in dating, what the fuck was he doing falling for someone this quickly and this hard? He hadn’t even fallen for his ex-wife this quickly, yet here he was having such… interesting thoughts about someone he’d only recently met. What was it about Mustafa that made him feel this way?

Then he remembered Wade. This was all his fault. Since day one Wade had planted the seed in his mind and had been trying to get them together. All of this talk about them being in a relationship most likely had some sort of subliminal effect on Neville. Yes, that made sense! He couldn’t think of any other explanation. All of these feelings were without a doubt caused by Wade, there was no actual attraction there at all.

Satisfied after having finally found a solution that put his mind at ease, he slid his eyes shut, at long last being able to focus his attention on something different and fall asleep.

That night, Neville dreamt of her.

He hadn’t had a dream about his wife in quite some time. They were more frequent immediately following the divorce, but as the years went on they occurred less and less often. Whenever it happened, she was there for only a moment -- she would make a brief appearance before Neville would either wake up or the dream would go in a completely different direction that didn’t involve her. As much of a nuisance as it was, he tended not to dwell on it for very long since it was really a very minor thing.

This one was different from all the rest, however.

The setting was a hotel -- one that the two of them had stayed in with the girls many times before during their annual family vacation. Neville was sitting at the foot of the bed, watching fondly as both Jen and Daisy excitedly ran around what would be their new bedroom for a few nights. His wife was bringing the last of their belongings into the room, Daisy squealing excitedly when she saw that her favorite star-patterned backpack had finally arrived (in real life, Neville had once tried buying a new bag for her to pack her things in only to be ignored for three days.)

He kept his gaze focused on his daughters as Daisy began to dig through her bag, no doubt looking for one of the dolls she’d chosen to bring so she could give her a grand tour of the room. He felt the bed sink a little bit next to him as his wife sat down, initiating a conversation. He nodded along, though in all honesty he had no idea what she was saying. His memory of this part was hazy, and in the end he couldn’t remember a single word that came out of her mouth.

There was one thing from the dream that he did remember, however. Quite clearly.

Just as he’d turned his head to ask her to repeat what she’d said, she kissed him.

The sheer shock of the sudden gesture was enough to force Neville awake. His eyes were wide, and he was sweating, the long-since forgotten sensation of her lips on his once again being brought to the forefront of his memory. In all of the dreams he’d had of her, never was there a kiss. There was a conversation at most. Nothing romantic had ever taken place.

Just forget about it… Neville told himself as he heaved a heavy sigh, and he tugged the blankets up and over his head, his eyes slowly shutting again. It was only a dream, wasn’t it? This was nothing to worry about. This was just like every other dream he’d had about her, only with a little… extra. He knew he would get over this one just like he’d done with the rest, so long as he didn’t dwell on it.

Neville didn’t get over it as well as he’d hope he would.

At first, it seemed as if he was successful at pushing it out of his mind. His boss was required to fly across the country by the end of the week and needed his flight and hotel arrangements made, so that kept Neville busy for a little while. For once, he was actually grateful for his boss’ assignments -- they provided a nice distraction. Finding the right hotel that fit both the budget and his boss’ standards was a bit of a challenge, and he couldn’t afford to dawdle or daydream.

Things had gotten busier at home, too. With the girls starting school in less than two weeks, the time had come for them to begin purchasing their supplies for class. Jen wanted to use glitter pens, and Daisy wanted stickers to put all over her notebooks, so Neville had his work cut out for him trying to meet their specific requests while getting them ready for the year ahead. Never in his life did he think he would be buying such things at his age (though he firmly believed that 31 wasn’t old, Wade -- who was 37, no less -- constantly joked about moving him to a nursing home), but he was willing to do anything if it meant his girls were actually excited about school starting.

Even the first day went off without a hitch. Neville had dropped them off in front of the building just like he’d done so many times in the past, and then returned home to begin what was sure to be an… interesting day with Wade. The house still felt empty now that two of its residents were gone for the day, but in the end it didn’t affect Neville nearly as much as he figured it would. Who would have guessed that poorly planned cooking lessons from Wade would be so amusing?

But of course, since nothing good could ever last forever, everything came crashing down on Neville once he’d gone to pick the girls up.

He heard the two of them chatting animatedly in the backseat, occasionally sharing with him an interesting tidbit about their day. Jen was forced to play an introduction game, the sheer mention of the activity causing a chill to run down Neville’s spine, but she was proud of the fact that she hadn’t stuttered even once. Daisy, meanwhile, had received compliments on her “fancy stickerwork”, and made sure to rub it in Jen’s face that she wasn’t teased like her sister thought she would be. All in all, it was lovely conversation.

And then Jen said it.

“Remember how Mommy used to take us for ice cream after the first day?”

Neville felt his grip on the steering wheel tighten at her words. Jesus, he had completely forgotten about the damn ice cream. He had been forced to put up with this little tradition every year since the split, and yet it still always caught him off guard. He remained silent until Daisy responded, “Yeah, yeah! Daddy, can we do that?”

“No,” Neville replied a little harsher than he would have liked to, and he quickly cleared his throat, his tone returning to normal. “Not today, girlies. Maybe tomorrow. Daddy’s gotta work.”

“But didn’t you take off today?” Jen asked.

“Yeah, well… Still gotta check the email, y’know? Never know when someone could need me.” He chuckled nervously, knuckles beginning to turn white, the memory of the dream coming flooding back to him.

They pulled into the driveway a few minutes later, and Neville shut the car off, looking back at his daughters. “Why don’t you two head inside? I’ll join you in a little bit. Gotta take care of something first.”

The two of them exchanged glances, but they didn’t question him, and they grabbed their respective backpacks and exited the car. Neville watched as they trotted up to the front porch and let out a sigh, resting his head against the wheel.

I really am a shitty father, aren’t I?

Neville was so focused on how the divorce had affected him, how much those intrusive dreams were affecting him, that he never gave any thought to how his own goddamn children were feeling. Yes, it had been a few years, but both girls still remembered their mother quite well. It wasn’t as if they were little infants when they separated -- they knew about her, and they even remembered the little details about her, right down to the post-first day at school rituals.

And Neville had taken that away from them.

Though the split had been amicable, Neville still had his regrets -- not because he actually missed her, but because he knew that the girls missed her. Neither of them would outright say it to him, but it was obvious that they sometimes still wished that their mother was around. All of their other classmates had two parents, why didn’t they? All they had was their father and his close friend.

Rebecca from Jen’s class had gone clothes shopping with her mother that past weekend -- when was the last time that Jen had done something like that? Neville had never been big on extensive shopping trips like his wife had been, so Jen never got to experience the same thing that her friend did. Timothy from Daisy’s class had plans to watch a movie with his parents later that night -- both of them. Neither one of Neville’s girls could say the same.

All of this was because Neville wasn’t fucking good enough to keep everything together. He let everything fall apart and did nothing to stop it.

Neville ended up surprising himself that weekend, however, as he actually did take the girls out for their back-to-school ice cream.

He thought he was going to be able to get away with skipping it that year, but it was the weekend, and both Jen and Daisy were looking forward to spending it the right way. It was still early on in the school year, so they didn’t have much homework and wanted to spend their last Saturday before the real work kicked in enjoying themselves. What better way to do so than to honor an important tradition?

Neville also figured that, after having acting so oddly on the way home the other day, he owed them a nice day out. He had suddenly grown cold all because they had the audacity to mention their own mother around them. He was still stressed out, yes, but that didn’t mean that he could just deprive his own children of something they always looked forward to. None of this was their fault at all, so why was he taking his issues out on them? They didn’t deserve that -- they deserved a nice day out with their father.

And of course, his wife had come up multiple times during their time out, though he managed to keep his mood in check, at least on the outside. As he kept repeating to himself over and over again, they meant to harm. There was nothing wrong with them wanting to mention how their mother “always” did something with them during this time of the year.

On the inside, however, he was feeling poorly. The constant reminder that his daughters didn’t have a mother had soured his mood. There was a tiny voice in the back of his mind that wouldn’t stop nagging him, that kept telling him that this was all his fault. These girls wouldn’t have to worry about being the only ones in their classes that didn’t have a mother and a father had it not been for him. Had it not been for his inability to make things work.

They wanted their mother back.

And he was the reason why she wasn’t there.

“Daddy, can we go again next week?” Daisy later asked as they were on their way home, bouncing in the backseat and no doubt wound up by the amount of sugar she’d consumed. “I wanna try the next flavor of the week!”

“We’ll see,” Neville replied. “I’d rather you spend your weekends going forward working on homework.”

“Boo, that’s boring!”

“You can say whatever you want, you’ll be thanking me in the future when you get good grades, kiddo.”

They went back and forth for a little while longer, and before they knew it they were pulling into their driveway. “We should bring Wade next time!” Jen suggested as she walked towards the front door, her sister and father not far behind.

“Maybe,” Neville started. “If he ever gets a job, we can take him out to celebrate.”

“When’s he’s gonna get a job?” Daisy asked.

“I’ve been asking myself that same question for years, Daze. Doesn’t look like I’m gonna get an answer any time soon--”

“Mr. Moose!!” Daisy suddenly exclaimed and bolted in the direction of the sidewalk.

Neville blinked as he stared at the spot where she’d just been. So much for our conversation, I guess.  “Um, who?” He turned to watch her, his eyes widening when he saw that she was heading directly towards Mustafa. How long has he been standing there?! “O-Oh, hello there,” he greeted him.

“Guess what we all did today!” Daisy said. Mustafa opened his mouth as if he were about to respond, but she cut him off. “Daddy got us ice cream!”

“And you had far too much sugar.” Neville placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pulling her away from him. “Let’s not crowd, uh… ‘Mr. Moose’, shall we?” Where in the world did she even come up with such a nickname? Had the two of them even spoken enough times to be on nickname-basis? As far as he knew, they’d only spoken one other time before that day.

Either way, Mustafa laughed at her, clearly not bothered. “That sounds awesome!” He said. “You’ve got a really great daddy, don’t you?” He smiled at Neville.

“We do!” Jen had now decided to join the conversation. “The best.”

“The bestest dad ever!” Daisy wrapped her arms around her father, and he gave her a little pat on the back in return.

“Aww, shucks, now you’re just flattering me…” Neville looked down at her with a bashful smile, his face feeling a little hot (and only growing hotter at Mustafa’s chuckle).

“Ladies, would you mind if I borrowed the ‘bestest dad ever’ for a moment? There’s something I gotta give him.” Mustafa asked, prompting Neville to raise his eyebrows in surprise. What was this all about?

“What are you gonna give him?” Jen asked, looking to Neville. “Daddy, what’s he gonna give you?”

“Good question,” Neville replied. Confused as he was, he was also very curious. “Head on inside, girls. I’ll join you in a little bit, okay?” Neville said.

“Bye Mr. Moose!” Daisy said, both girls giving him a small wave in parting as they turned and went in the direction of the house.

“Oh, and please don’t hurt Wade while I’m out. I want to come back and find him in one piece, please.” The lack of response to this plea was a little concerning to Neville, though he supposed that there were more important things to focus on -- namely, the man standing in front of him.

“‘Mr. Moose’...” Mustafa quoted. “It’s got a nice ring to it.”

“I’m sorry about that, I’ll have to talk to her later about giving nicknames to people she hardly knows.”

“No need, I like it!” He grinned. “It’s very fitting. I think I’m gonna ask people to start calling me that from now on.”

“So, what’s this about you having something for me?”

“Oh, right. It’s actually over at my place. Sorry, I didn’t actually bring it over with me.”

“That’s fine, but why did you leave it home?” Neville asked as he started to follow Mustafa over to his house. Why would he tell Neville that he had something to give him and then not even bring it with him?

“I, uh… didn’t want the girls to see it, since it’s cookies and all. They’d probably want to eat them all right away and spoil their appetites for dinner. Figured that was the last thing you wanted.”

“...I see.” Neville didn’t want to say it, but he felt like that was a weak excuse -- like he’d just come up with it on the spot. If Neville didn’t know any better, he would think that that was an excuse for Mustafa to bring him into his house again.

And if this ended up being true, it meant that he was probably going to bring up the date.

The same date that Neville still hadn’t made up his mind about yet.

Shit.

“S-So are these cookies chocolate chip again?” Neville asked once they were standing in Mustafa’s hallway, trying to keep his cool. The last time they’d been standing together in this same spot, Mustafa had loaned him his hoodie (which Neville still needed to return, now that he thought about it) and asked him one of the most confusing questions he’d been asked in recent memory.

“They are indeed.” Mustafa smiled, motioning for Neville to follow him into the kitchen. “I know they’re your favorite, so I just had to make them again.”

“Nice! I had some of the last ones you made, they were so good. You’re a real pro at this baking thing, you know that?”

“Meh, I’m alright.” He laughed. “Thanks, though.”

“Maybe you can give me some pointers?” Neville asked with a smirk as he crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe. “Since I’m absolutely awful at cooking.”

“Aww, don’t say that. I’m sure you’re great.” Mustafa picked up a small bag of cookies from the counter.

“You don’t understand, I’m terrible at it. Like, so bad. Wade usually has to handle the cooking since I end up burning things more often than not.”

“Really?” He frowned. “Well, I don’t mind giving you some tips. Maybe one day when you’re not busy I can show you what to do. For the time being, however…” He handed over the bag. “I believe these are yours. Don’t you go spoiling your own appetite, now.”

“I’ll try, but I can’t guarantee anything.” Neville smiled. “God, ice cream and cookies in one day… I can’t even remember the last time I had this many sweets.”

“What was the ice cream for, if you don’t mind me asking?” Mustafa asked. “Like, is it one of the girls’ birthdays or…?”

“No, it’s just a yearly tradition. They like to get ice cream once school starts up again.” Neville cleared his throat, continuing before he could stop himself. “It was my wife’s idea, as they make sure to remind me…” He laughed a little bitterly.

Mustafa’s brow furrowed. “Really? Well, it’s… nice that they like to keep the tradition alive, at least.”

“It sure is…” Neville looked down towards the floor, biting his cheek. Why did he have to go and bring up his wife? He could have easily just said it was a tradition and left it at that.

“Adrian, are you… okay?” Neville looked up and noticed that Mustafa now appeared concerned.

Great, now he’s worried about me. “It’s… really nothing. Just me being dumb again.” He tried to laugh it off, but Mustafa didn’t look like he was having any of it.

“You’re not dumb.”

“I… kinda am, though. I mean, I’m letting myself get this bothered over something so small. It’s really nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” A lie. “It’s not that big of a deal, I promise.” Another lie.

Mustafa chewed on his lower lip for a beat. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I know you and I haven’t known each other long, but… I still want you to know that I’m here for you if you need someone.”

“I appreciate it, though I wouldn’t want to burden you with my stupid marital problems. I’m sure you have enough problems of your own and don’t need mine on top of them.”

“So this is about your wife, huh?” Great fucking job, Neville! You told the guy who asked you out that you’re having weird thoughts about your ex-wife -- that’s exactly what he wants to hear!

“Not just her, it’s… about the kids, too. Some stuff that they’ve been saying lately.”

“I can… probably relate a little bit, actually. To the dating part, at least.” Mustafa scratched the back of his head. “I’ve, uh, been having some trouble with an ex lately, too.”

“Have you?” Neville was surprised to hear that.

“Mhm. He was the first guy I’d ever been with. We never got married or anything, but we were pretty serious for awhile before… well, before he cheated on me.”

“God…”

“He’s been texting me a lot these last few days. I’m guessing he wants to get back together.” Mustafa looked past Neville, suddenly finding the wall much more interesting to look at. “I know it’s not exactly the same thing that you’re dealing with, but… I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I’ve been through this kinda stuff before, and I’m willing to help you out.”

The room fell silent. Neville never would have guessed that Mustafa had dealt with something like this before. Not only that, but he’d been cheated on. How the fuck could anybody cheat on him? He had never met anybody who could relate to him on this subject -- he had spoken about it to Wade very briefly, but Wade had never dealt with something like this. He’d never had a serious partner before.

Right in front of Neville stood a man who was completely willing to help him get through whatever the hell it was he was currently dealing with, someone who wouldn’t judge him for anything that he said. Could Neville really pass up this opportunity?

“...Adrian, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, okay?” Mustafa spoke first, shaking his head. “Geez, I’m really sorry if I made it seem like you had to talk to me. I don’t know what I was thinking. This is your business, not mine.”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Neville assured. “You’re only trying to help. It… really means a lot to me.”

“It’s okay if you want to go now. I don’t want you to feel obligated to stick around if you really don’t want to. And I know you told the girls you’d only be gone a couple of minutes, so I don’t want to keep you for too long since they’re expecting you.”

“No.” Neville took a deep breath, finding his resolve. He took his phone out of his pocket. “...I think… I’m gonna text Wade and let him know that I’ll be out for a little longer. So he can tell the girls not to worry.”

“So, you want to talk? You’re sure?”

“...Yeah. I do.”

“Remember that you don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to, okay?” Mustafa reminded him. The two of them were both seated on the couch, mugs of coffee in their hands. Neville was staring down into the dark liquid, a frown on his face as he nodded.

“I understand,” he replied, running his tongue over his dry lower lip.

“Don’t feel like you have to tell me everything. Only what you’re comfortable sharing.”

Neville nodded again, his grip tightening on the mug. “So…” God, where did he even start? There was so much on his mind -- too much. “I’ve been having these… complicated thoughts lately. Thoughts I haven’t had in a really long time.”

“About what?”

“Do you ever…” Neville paused, unsure how to phrase what he was going to say. “Do you ever get the feeling that it’s your fault why things are the way they are? Like… things would be better if you’d left it alone and hadn’t gotten involved?”

Mustafa frowned at him. “Well, yeah. Everyone has thoughts like that sometimes. Like, there have been times I’ve seen fights in my classroom and I’d try to mediate it, but things only got worse. Things like that just happen.”

“I’m talking about relationships, though. Like, when you were with your ex, did you ever do something to him and then regret it later?”

Mustafa scratched his chin, taking a moment to ponder his reply. “I mean, I’m sure I have at some point. He and I were together a while, so I can’t remember every little thing that happened. I know I’ve made mistakes, though. Main one being getting with him in the first place.” He laughed a little self-derisively. “But is that what’s been on your mind lately?”

“More or less.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my divorce in the last few weeks.”

“What kind of thinking?”

“Well… I had this dream about my wife. Dreams about her usually don’t bother me, but this one stuck with me for whatever reason. I didn’t get over it as quickly as I normally did.”

“What happened in it?”

“It wasn’t even anything crazy. She just gave me a kiss, that’s it. I’m not sure why the hell it’s bugging me this much.”

“Probably because it’s been awhile since you’ve even thought about kissing her. It kinda threw you for a loop.”

“Maybe…” Neville stared down into his coffee again. “I’ve also been wondering if maybe I made a mistake divorcing her in the first place.”

“Really?” Mustafa looked away from him and down towards his lap. After a moment, he finally looked to Neville again and asked, “Do you miss her at all?”

“This might not sound good, but I really don’t. It’s not that I dislike her or anything -- Marina is an excellent woman and a great mother -- but the two of us just couldn’t be together anymore. I worry that the girls miss her, though.”

“I see.” Mustafa tapped the side of his mug with his fingers, his nails making a clinking sound. “Have they said anything about missing her?”

“I’ve never heard them say anything like that, no, but… They brought her up a lot while we were out today, which I sort of expected since the ice cream thing was her idea, but… It still made me feel weird. And I keep thinking that maybe…” He trailed off.

“Maybe what?”

“Maybe they’re… mad at me.” Neville’s voice cracked a little at the end, and he swallowed. He would be damned if he ended up crying -- Mustafa would probably think he’s some weirdo if he just burst into tears mid-conversation.

“You think they’re mad at you? Why would you say that?” Mustafa’s tone was soft, his eyebrows scrunched together.

“How can they not be? I know I’d be mad at me, if I were them. I was one of the main reasons for the divorce.”

“How so?”

Neville took a long sip from his mug, attempting to compose himself before starting. “Ever since we’d gotten married and had Jen, our relationship felt… odd. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why -- I’d just gotten with an amazing woman, and we had a child together. We even had a second little girl on the way. You’d think I’d be the happiest man alive. I definitely thought I was.

“But the more that time went on, the more things changed. The more I started to feel like I was doing something wrong. None of it made any goddamn sense to me. She hadn’t done anything to offend me or make me hate her. She was the greatest woman I’d ever met, and I knew I still had very strong feelings towards her. I just… wasn’t sure if they were romantic or not.”

“You guys didn’t get into any big fights or anything?” Mustafa asked.

“I mean, we did fight sometimes, but that’s expected in a relationship. We never had any major arguments, though. And with each passing day I was finding myself less and less interested in being with not just her, but… anybody, really.” Neville sighed. “And things only seemed to get weirder once Daisy was born. I ended up talking to Wade to get his opinion. I told him everything that I was feeling because I thought that he could help, and he definitely did. Much more than I honestly thought he would.”

“What did he say?”

“He told me that everything that I’d been going through was very similar to what he’d been dealing with for a good portion of his life. He said that when he was in his teens he’d been with a few girls, but nothing serious ever came out of those relationships. He never felt a connection with any of them, even though they were all great girls. It was only after he’d given the whole thing a lot of thought that he realized that he was feeling this way because he…” Neville trailed off again.

“Because he what?”

He took a deep breath. “Well… because he only liked guys.”

“Oh…” Mustafa paused, causing the room to become silent. “So what you’re saying is… after you talked to Wade, you realized that you are also into guys?”

“Yes.” Neville licked his lower lip.

“How did your wife -- uh, you said her name is Marina? How did she react?”

“She… actually handled it fairly well. I guess she sort of figured that there was something going on since I’d been so distant. She finally got closure. But she was definitely still upset -- her husband did just tell her that he wasn’t attracted to her. That doesn’t exactly bring a smile to someone’s face.”

“So you guys got divorced after that?”

“Not right away, no. We knew that we were going to, but we couldn’t afford to just rush into it. That, and we had two little girls who needed their parents. Even if it was just as friends, we still needed to raise them as their guardians.” He shook his head. “In hindsight, that was a mistake. It wasn’t fair to anybody for us to force ourselves to stay together -- not me, not her, and especially not Daisy and Jen.

“She moved out once the process was over with, and for a little while it seemed like everything was okay. The girls still went to see her pretty often, and she and I were still friends. Then she found a new partner, and she ended up having to move to a whole different state for her job. It’s been quite some time since the girls have been able to talk with her.” He looked down. “I know they must miss her terribly.”

“Is that why you think that they’re mad at you?”

Neville couldn’t bring himself to respond to Mustafa’s question. He opened his mouth, but the words would never come out. “I-I…” was all he’d been able to get out before he felt tears prickling at his eyes again. He tried to blink them away before Mustafa noticed how upset he was getting, though his attempts proved to be futile, as he felt a hand on his shoulder at that moment.

“Adrian?” He asked with a gentle voice.

Neville felt one of the tears start to roll down his cheek, and he roughly wiped it away. “Fuck…” He muttered under his breath, Mustafa’s grip on his shoulder tightening as a result. “God, I’m so sorry for this…” He gritted his teeth, his ears red with embarrassment.

“Hey, it’s okay…” Mustafa took their mugs and placed them down on the coffee table (next to the cookies that had led to this whole scene) before scooting closer to him, placing an arm around his shoulders. “If it’s too much, you don’t have to say anything else. Don’t push yourself.”

Neville rested his head on his shoulder, taking a few breaths. When Mustafa had first invited Neville into his home, Neville had initially thought he would be in and out. He was only going to pick up a gift, right? He wouldn’t be in there for longer than a few minutes. He never anticipated that he would end up like this.

“I-I…” He started again. “I do think that that’s why they’re mad at me. They’d still have a mother if it weren’t for me, wouldn’t they? If I hadn’t insisted on looking into these stupid fucking feelings of mine and just left it be, then we’d still be together. They would have both their parents, not just their dad. I fucked up.”

“No you didn’t. Things would have been worse if you hadn’t done anything.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because you’d be living a lie. You said before that trying to stay together for the girls’ sake wasn’t fair to anyone, doesn’t that also apply to this? It wasn’t fair to you either. If you denied how you felt and tried to make the whole thing work all for them, things would have turned out poorly. You would’ve gotten hurt. Being honest was the right choice.”

“But being honest took away their mother, didn’t it? They never get to see her anymore! God, the three of them would all be hanging out together right now if it hadn’t been for me. I ruined things for everyone.”

“You didn’t ruin anything, I promise you that. Please believe me. I know that both of your girls love you to death -- don’t you remember before you came over here and we were all talking? They were calling you the best dad ever. You and I both know that little kids aren’t shy when it comes to making their opinions known. If they really hated you, they definitely would have told you by now.”

“How can you be so sure that they weren’t just saying that because you were there?”

“Like I just said, kids really don’t have much of a filter when they’re at this age. If anything, they’d be more likely to share their opinion of you when they have an audience.”

Neville swallowed deeply and took off his glasses, rubbing at his eyes. He knew that Mustafa was probably right, but there was still such a large part of him that was doubting everything that he’d just said, and he felt like absolute shit because of that fact. He was trying so hard to help Neville feel better, and here he was, rejecting what he’d been told.

“Do you think…” Neville said as he put his glasses back on. “Do you think I’m a good dad?” He knew that it was a stupid question -- they had only known each other for a month. How could he possibly know about Neville’s parenting skills?

“Of course I do,” Mustafa replied, raising a hand and beginning to lightly stroke Neville’s hair. “I can tell from this conversation alone just how much you care about the girls. You don’t sound like someone who’s a bad parent.”

“I’m just trying so hard, Mustafa,” he quietly said. “I’m trying so goddamn hard to be the best dad to them that I can be. I feel like I’m not there for them as often as I should be, since I have to work and all.”

“It’s not like they never get to see you anymore. And besides, they have Wade, don’t they? It’s not like they’re always by themselves.”

“Yes, but Wade isn’t their dad. I am. It’s not fair to him that I keep making him watch them for me.”

“Does he mind it?”

“No, he’s okay with it. He’s…” Neville paused. “He’s made it clear to me that he isn’t interested in being their father, though. With how often they’re all together, you’d think he is, but he’s definitely not, which I don’t fault him for at all. As okay with babysitting as he claims is, I know I can’t rely on him forever.”

“Well…” Mustafa started. “If you want… I can watch them sometimes.”

“I can’t ask you to do that. Don’t you have to work, too?”

“I do… but I have days off. There are gonna be days when school is closed but you still have to work, aren’t there? If you ever need any extra help and wanna give Wade some time off, don’t hesitate to let me know. I’d be more than happy to spend some time with them.”

“You’re really willing to do that for me?”

“Absolutely. I really do care about you, Adrian. I know that things aren’t exactly easy for you and that you’re under a lot of stress, and I want to help you out in any way that I can.”

“I… really appreciate it…Thank you. So much.” Neville looked down at his lap. Mustafa cared about him. Knowing that there was another person out there that actually gave a shit about him and how he felt made him feel as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

It was while Neville was looking in this direction that he noticed how close they were -- their knees were brushing up against each other. Not only that, but his head was still resting on his shoulder, and Mustafa was still gently petting his hair. It felt… nice sitting with him like this. Being so close filled him with a comfortable feeling of warmth, one that he hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever.

He wanted to feel this way more often.

And Neville finally looked up, found himself once again entranced by Mustafa’s brown eyes, the same way he had when they first met.

And he realized.

What he’d been feeling for all these weeks was without a doubt real.

“You okay now?” Mustafa said.

“Yeah.” Neville nodded. “H-Hey, so… there’s actually something else I want to tell you.”

“Hmm? What’s that?”

“I…” Neville swallowed, a little hesitant, his face red. “I haven’t actually been… with anybody for awhile. I’ve been too nervous… But I think I’m ready now.” He took a deep breath, composing himself. “What I’m trying to say is… yes, I will go to that coffee shop with you.”

Mustafa’s eyebrows raised, and he smiled. “Really? Are you sure you’re up for it?”

“I’m sure. It’s been so long since the last time I felt this way, and… I really want to get to know you better.”

Mustafa smiled, wrapping both arms around him now and pulling him into a tight hug. “I’m so glad.”

“Me too.” There was still part of Neville that was nervous, that made him think that he was making a mistake and rushing things.

But he didn’t care about that. In that moment, Mustafa was the only thing that mattered to him.

[caepaecaesurae]

> CC: Thank Meenah

Yesterday at 5:07 PM

caepaecaesurae WVe'vwe split, and the safe-house wvon't be needed anymore, on my end at least.  I'vwe left a small thank you present on the kitchen counter. I'd be in your debt if you could wvipe the coordinates used off of the pad's history list, if and wvhen convwenient. Thank you again, and havwe a nice night.

Yesterday at 9:38 PM

brackishbarracuda yeah i can do that isle head over in an hour oar so brackishbarracuda s good to sea u caepaecaesurae Good to see you too.  I appreciate the neutrality and the assistance. Havwing somewvhere empty to go helped more than once.

Today at 12:13 AM

brackishbarracuda ive been fused before an efin when its ppl u give a shit aboat its hard so i mean some place where u didnt have any extra ppl shoutin at u seemed pike a good idea to me caepaecaesurae It wvas. Did you separate from wvhomevwer it wvas peaceably?  Or vwia incompatibility? brackishbarracuda peaceably for both thankfully one was def a hell of a lot rockier than the other one tho aight the best puns are the ones u didnt mean to make i cannaut believe caepaecaesurae I do enjoy those ones. brackishbarracuda did u ever get hit w the gem thing caepaecaesurae As I am lost, it seems I did not. brackishbarracuda lemme find u a picture for full effect aight bc shit is stupid and mine was pike stupid times two brackishbarracuda http://imgur.com/sPQFO8t there we go rly tho how tf puts that shit on ur foot caepaecaesurae WVhat is that? brackishbarracuda aight so theres the weird sentient rock aliens who p much project around w/e rock they are an they do the fuse thing on purpose pike thats a thing they can do and a bunch a ppl got hit w it a while back usually shits pike on ur hand or ur forhead oar ur arm or somefin but no brackishbarracuda nah it was on my cod damn foot caepaecaesurae First I'vwe heard about them. ... You havwe my sympathies. WVhy the foot? brackishbarracuda idk i do naut fuckin no thats just where it was when i got got caepaecaesurae I imagine you sawv the tittastrophe wve had? brackishbarracuda yeah brackishbarracuda yeah that shore was somefin i saw w my own two eyes brackishbarracuda howd that whole thing go efin caepaecaesurae It looked rather like wve wvere split dowvn the middle vwertically in a lot of respects. The side wvith no breast had short hair like mine. WVe made a falsie so clothes wvould fit. brackishbarracuda now sea i woulda just said fuck it and done the whole half clothes shit pike jacket on one and dress on the other deal caepaecaesurae tsk.  I should'vwe talked to you more, that'd be a hell of a look. brackishbarracuda i mean u aint gotta b fused to pull it off right caepaecaesurae True.  It wvould complete the look though. caepaecaesurae I may try a half-and-half garment of some sort soon. brackishbarracuda plz take pictures i need this shit caepaecaesurae I do lovwe my selfie tag. brackishbarracuda s cause its good shit caepaecaesurae Howv do you feel about breasted, marginally nsfwv pictures of me? brackishbarracuda im down caepaecaesurae http://caepaecaesurae.tumblr.com/post/130431613390/speaking-of-anons-d brackishbarracuda v nice dam tho where tf did u get half those scars brackishbarracuda impressive caepaecaesurae I don't normally showv much skin. The large round ones on the legs are from an air battle invwolvwing laser cannons, during the game. brackishbarracuda uh first off fuckin ow caepaecaesurae Pff. Yes, but wve wvon. brackishbarracuda secondly i get it if u aint comfy w it oar w/e but u ought show more a it imo and that right theres why caepaecaesurae A good half of the scars you see there are from my first century on Alternia. ...at the end of wvhich, I began wvearing neck to wvrist to ankle bodyarmor, of the sort contained in that package.  Havwe you stopped by that hivwe yet, by the by? brackishbarracuda shit yeah i did i thought id said thank u btw caepaecaesurae You may havwe, I'm scattered lately. brackishbarracuda pike seariously i aint been in a searious scrape in a while but pike dam i cant get away from nofin w/o bleedin it feels like caepaecaesurae Armor that no one knowvs you're wvearing can be a wvonderful game changer. It turns a knife in the ribs into an invwitation to play. brackishbarracuda as much as i like it and the apron tbh shit is nice brackishbarracuda u probably made clams night more than mine w the armor caepaecaesurae I hope it servwes wvell, or entertains.  Or that the flavwor vwials do. brackishbarracuda hes the one whos gotta stitch me up half the tide caepaecaesurae A good role for a quadrant. If you elect to wvear the vwest, at least he'll only be stitching up limbs. brackishbarracuda lmao yeah fair also i should punch u in the nose for the fuckin shit u sent me pike it was so good that it legit made me mad how tf caepaecaesurae ... Hope player.  "Beyond belief" is my playground. brackishbarracuda throws my dam hands caepaecaesurae I can make things that I can imagine.  Cae*fora* made things that *She* could imagine. brackishbarracuda shit is fucked up caepaecaesurae A bit.  ... I usually try to make things that are slightly less... Intense... than that... I hope it wvasn't too much? brackishbarracuda isle survive but my tongue aint gonna b  happy w anyfin ever again this is me jokin mostly i aint upset at u oar anyfin caepaecaesurae ..Still, pardon. brackishbarracuda s aight cae ur good brackishbarracuda seariously tho why aint u show off ur scars more 38? caepaecaesurae Enough of them havwe unfortunate sources for it to be uncomfortable wvhen specific ones are indicated and remarked on, much of the time. caepaecaesurae ... Mostly, I don't like taking my armor off, evwer. I'vwe been getting better at removwing it long enough for selfies though. brackishbarracuda well dam the one u just showed me took some fuckin guts then didnt it caepaecaesurae Heh.  It wvas taken during a period of amnesia wvhere I didn't remember wvhere most of them wvere from. brackishbarracuda do u think u could do it again caepaecaesurae Possibly, though I think my selfie tag could use more less sexual things. brackishbarracuda u oughta take a pic w arlequin oar somefin then how tall efin are u btw pike are u taller than he is oar shorter or caepaecaesurae I'm a good foot and a half shorter than him, last I checked. brackishbarracuda well that makes me feel beta at least caepaecaesurae My adult height in sevweral centuries ought to be near wvhere he is nowv. brackishbarracuda yall are entirely too fuckin tall u kno that caepaecaesurae So I hear. If it makes you feel any better, all the humans top out somewvhere in the six or sevwen range I think.  They all look somewvhere betwveen fivwe and six nowv. The carapacians are a foot or twvo belowv that. brackishbarracuda pike im saury i realize u probably hear that alot but i am half a arlequins now hight an he was talkin pike sixteen feet an im overe here pike dude ur gonna b over three times my size how tf is that gonna efin work caepaecaesurae Carefully and wvith gusto. brackishbarracuda aight tru tho caepaecaesurae Havwe you evwer done the thing wvhere you rest hip to hip wvith a partner and pretend theirs is yours and marvwel at the difference? Some trolls enjoy that. I think that one wvill only improvwe as he ages, for you. caepaecaesurae "Look wvhat I'm packing nowv" brackishbarracuda i havent and now im kinda wonderin wtf ive been doin w my life caepaecaesurae You're wvelcome. .. Then again I'vwe used googly eyes in the bedroom before, so maybe my advwice isn't the best. brackishbarracuda bouy nah fuck that im gonna get a pack and use em on dirk that shit is perf caepaecaesurae My partner grewv annoyed and ripped them off, wvhich is honestly all I could hope for. brackishbarracuda tbh hell probably laugh till he cries which i count as a win brackishbarracuda but yeah tbh rippin em off sounds pike a good idea brackishbarracuda u kno me an u oughtta hang out sometide caepaecaesurae WVe should, I imagine wve'd get into heaps of trouble if any wvas avwailable. brackishbarracuda trouble is kinda my thing yeah brackishbarracuda i eel pike youd enjoy some trouble caepaecaesurae Once upon a time, maybe.  It's been a wvhile, and I might be a bit more boring nowv. Nice things, good stories, and good laughs?  Those are dear to heart. brackishbarracuda now sea mr suns out guns out tenta tattoo false boob ampora w the hella scars i aint believe you wouldnt enjoy a little trouble caepaecaesurae I'vwe had a vwery interesting life. I'm relearning howv to enjoy trouble. brackishbarracuda isle sea if i cant think of some baby trouble steps caepaecaesurae Sounds like a treat to me. caepaecaesurae Let me knowv sometime, alright? brackishbarracuda yeah def at the v least ur fun to talk to and anybody i can b a bad influence on is aight by me u feel caepaecaesurae Aye, I hear you It'd be nice to lean back in that direction somenight.  I'vwe been sitting around drinking tea a wvhile. brackishbarracuda s easy to get restless i aint efin alternian and sometides i just need to move and tear into somefin before that somefin becomes me caepaecaesurae Aye. ...I sail a ship around sometimes.  Transport pads to get back to hivwe often. Plenty of wvild lands out there to explore. brackishbarracuda theres plenty a world here to sea if u ever decide u wanna we aint managed a drone yet be in a week oar so probably caepaecaesurae The mile-high deer?  Aye I'vwe a curiosity. I'm relievwed that you're considering the drone. brackishbarracuda im uh considerin more than the drone tbh caepaecaesurae Aye? brackishbarracuda been thinkin a puttin my crown on and meanin it caepaecaesurae Lacking in context, I'm imagining you calling yourself queen of a single hivwe surrounded by largish deer. brackishbarracuda i mean in all technicality i earned the fuckin thing i blew up my planet i killed the empress so by right etc etc blah blah blah i just been runnin from it since brackishbarracuda no u aint wrong i gotta start somwhere fuckin ridiculous as it is if they aint anybody else on the planet isle take it theres a small frozen planet my ex red left me so thats two off the bat ig caepaecaesurae If there's no one else it seems a bit... abrupt. Then again, givwen a single wvorking mothergrub, one is nevwer far from an empire. I suspect Arlequin wvould havwe mixed feelings. brackishbarracuda ive convinced my spade to let me sit w em and do some political diplomatic shit and i aint lookin to be a bloody conquerer im just lookin to stop runnin from what i was hatched for mayb do some decent shit w whatever authority i got somefin betta than home was anyway caepaecaesurae I wvish you luck wvith it if you do. brackishbarracuda thanks 38/ caepaecaesurae It's hard to get in trouble wvhen you're in charge. brackishbarracuda why u gotta do me like this caepaecaesurae WVell... Ask Tyfora howv much fun her powver is. brackishbarracuda id rather naut caepaecaesurae Ask Arlequin howv much he wvants to strivwe for a newv flag -- at least, this early. brackishbarracuda i oughta talk to him aboat it tho yeah caepaecaesurae Powver is complicated.  That's all. caepaecaesurae More so than you might be preparing yourself for. brackishbarracuda i aint trynna rush into anyfin aight an isle talk to arlequin i kno shit aint easy it aint somefin im thinkin aboat lightly caepaecaesurae Then I wvish you luck.  I'm cautious about swvearing loyalties lightly, but you'll likely havwe me on call if emergencies strike. brackishbarracuda i dont take that lightly either cae thank u i afishiate it caepaecaesurae WVe'll see wvhat comes.  I'm afraid it's late though.  Another night? brackishbarracuda a course thanks for talkin at me caepaecaesurae Looking forwvard to it.  Rest wvell wvhen you go. brackishbarracuda yeah sleep good