#if you made it this far into the tags you're legally allowed to make one request just use the code word 'banana allergy' because I'm allergi

[xkcd-for-that]

Why are you republishing someone else’s comics and requesting tips for it.

Hi Anon, thanks for asking! I'm going to assume that this is a good-faith question and answer you below the cut. Fair warning, it got pretty long.

I think that there's two big parts to this, the legal side and the ethical side. On the legal side, Randall licenses his comics under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 (CC BY-NC 2.5), and as

the primary purpose of my usage on this blog is humour and not monetary compensation; and

I always include a link to the comic that's being used;

I believe that I'm on solid legal ground (although if Mr. Munroe or his lawyers disagree I'd be happy to amend my stance).

On the ethical side, that's actually something that I gave a lot of consideration to. Below are my main points

So far this blog has actually cost me money out-of-pocket, between blazing the "Anti-Mindvirus" post and the giveaway I ran last year I'm out of pocket about $450. Now that's money that I was and am happy to spend, but I don't have the budget to do similar things indefinitely, so asking for tips allows me to do things like that without going into my own finances.

I'm not simply posting comics, I try to find situations where the comic makes a good punchline, or makes a good point, etc. As such I regard my posts as somewhat synthetic, i.e. they add something to the post that wasn't necessarily present in either the post or the original comic alone.

Finally, with one exception I'll address in a moment, I've never actually asked for tips (and in fact have not received any). I simply made the option available for people who find sufficient value in what I post and seek out the option. The only exception to this is in the tag for the blazed "Anti-Mindvirus" post I said that any tips on it would go towards blazing it again. That is because I saw many people in the notes who really appreciated the post (because it helped with their anxiety, or "gave them permission" to stop participating, etc) and wanted to spread that further, but I have $600 in my bank account and can't afford to keep doing so, so I wanted to crowdfund the continued spread of the post. Once again, as it's not for my benefit in any tangible way I feel pretty justified in what I said.

Whew, that was a lot of justification, but this is something that I do take seriously and I didn't want it to seem like I was blowing you off. I hope that answers your question, and that you're satisfied with my reasoning!

Lauren

[mythvoiced]

-. About Eren's connections and whom I personally believed Eren had felt the closest to and whom he might have grown closest to in the healthiest way given the opportunity to do so aka none of the fking story happening lmao. PART 1 because there are loadsa characters and I love doing this, I LOVE LOVE LOVE--

This is NOT SHIPPING RELATED, I don't have anything against shipping (within legal and moral frames), but this post just isn't about that.

Reiner - That Eren idolised Reiner to some small extent is basically confirmed via his reaction to the Reveal, Reiner was a cool not-older-but-older-seeming kid whom Eren looked up to; his brotherly, protective demeanour and the absolute Himbo-ness of his attitude captivated Eren in a way, made him feel (and sometimes even act) like that fricking Spider-man meme. Large puppy dog eyes, 'this guy is so cool!', getting his heart broken by that Reveal absolutely annihilated my heart. That was his guy, his bro, the target of his starry-eyed gaze, dammit Reiner. (I said not shipping related, but I do sometimes like to believe Eren had a crush on this silly-ass goon)

Jean - Do not even look at me, if you've heard me go off about AoT before, chances are you know Jean is my favourite character and ALSO I believe him to be the... best character, as well, morally speaking. He's definitely the most genuine and humane, let me tell you that. But that's besides the point, one thing I am convinced of is that had Eren been given the opportunity to befriend Jean beyond the friendship we see on screen, if we'd gotten to have these two close enough that Eren would confide in Jean, none of the bullshit later down the line would have happened. Jean has the personality type that would get Eren to Stop™. He's honest, he's genuine, he's kind, he's highly intelligent, he cares So Much (I LOVE JEAN), and he's not going to treat you softly when you need some cold hard facts thrown your way. Jean & Eren could have been a fucking Tag Team, dammit. None would have done it like them. If you're seeing this in the tags, @g1gant is a phenomenal fucking Jean I violently recommend Nassy's portrayal, I'm kissing it.

Armin - Armin is Eren's canonical best friend, but part of me believes this friendship was initially born out of a subconscious desire to protect the other. In a way, I do believe these two are that Onion Headline of 'Best Friends Secretly Think Of The Other as Sidekick'. Eren & Armin both seem to believe the other needs them to get through life, which only implies a very firm perception they have of each other that doesn't allow for a lot of deviating from it. They're close, and Armin has a pretty solid understanding of some aspects of Eren's psyche, but I wouldn't say they know each other very deeply. I'd even go as far as saying Armin has a rational understanding of Eren, but his impression of him rules over any new realisations he might have been able to make. He assesses Eren the way he assesses most things.

Mikasa - I might get hate if I write anything here lmao (but I will if prompted, I love starting Mikasa-related shit)

Levi - Levi Ackerman's role in Eren's life is a fucking rabbit hole of fandom nonsense I will not allow myself to perish in, so I'll be quick: Levi is one of the many adults who judge Eren according to his purpose, his usefulness, and/or his threat level to the cause, and he's an ass to him, but he's one of the few adults who, once he's done assessing him, actually remembers he's talking to a kid, and for that he gets bonus points. Eren idolised him and meeting his idol and getting a reality check that deeply fucks with his parasocial relationship to him was good for his mental health, and I do believe adult Eren and Levi would have been good work partners, but... you know. Yeah, I think he's the best adult in Eren's life. But looking at the facts, it's like calling him the tallest dwarf, you know what I mean? Yeah. The adults in AoT suck ass oh god.

And that's all I got for now, I stopped everything I was doing because I couldn't stop thinking about this. Now I gotta go back to... doing things.

[obaewankenope]

@bookmancer-legendarium your tags:

#interesting points here #i feel like it's worth account for more than just the social model of disability #because going by that people with invisible illnesses don't count? #and society feels owed an explanation for why they get certain accommodations? #but that's my own experience coloring this i do love the explanation of the social model and Zuko's nuanced experience with it

There are many models of disability beyond the social model that account for invisible illnesses, thankfully. They take into account, or expand upon the social model, but enable the inclusion of invisible illnesses.

The social model originated in the UK and was more centred on physical disability because of those who brought about its creation mainly being physically impaired. There are different versions of social models that different from the UK model (e.g., Legal Rights Model centres on protecting individual rights rather than ensuring treatment for conditions; Minority Group Model sees disability as a individual and institutional discrimination like racial discrimination; Affirmation Model sees disability not as a negative thing but positive and centres on viewing disability as a cultural community for supporting others with impairments and disabilities). [source]

Other models include;

Functional Model of Disability — which focuses on impairments and deficits similar to the medical model but sees disability as the way those impairments affect the person: so you're not disabled just because you may be blind in one eye but because of how that affects your ability to function like depth-perception etc

Biopsychosocial Model of Disability — that combines the medical model with the social model and accounts for psychology in regard to disability and impairment. It considers the physical aspect of disability, e.g., a broken spine, alongside the psychological aspect, e.g., depression from being unable to walk, with the social, e.g., not being able to hike anymore or access a building because there's no wheelchair access. In theory it should work great. In reality, I've seen a lot of discrimination and rejection of individuals being disabled because they don't have a clearly defined physical disability. Fuck the UK government, okay.

Nordic Social Relative Model of Disability — in this model, people are assessed by how they interact with society and the environment (and vice versa) as well as the aspects of their impairments that affect the individual themselves. So not only is a person with chronic fatigue seen as disabled in this model because they may live somewhere that is not easy to traverse because they grow tired easily (like hiking up and down hills all the time), they're also disabled because the fatigue makes it difficult for them to focus from brain fog, they may struggle to socialise because of the exhaustion, they may experience isolation because they can't go far etc. Disability, then, is a continuum that shifts from functional to environmemtal/social depending on the person and situation in question. Disability and impairment are not separate, they are intertwined and affect each other.

I personally like the Nordic Model because it's one that can account for the more difficult to categorise disabilities and impairments, like chronic fatigue or chronic pain.

You can use this model too to look at Zuko because, if he does experience any issues from his scar then the Nordic Model allows for that because it does not separate disability and impairment. In this case, previous mentions by @thejakeformerlyknownasprince of times when Zuko experiences ableism be cause of assumptions made by others, can be accounted for as well as any prospective problems centring around his scar and eye. In the comments @i-am-mildly-insane mentioned that Zuko sleeps on his side and this changes depending on who he is around. He will sleep on his non-scarred side with those he trusts, and his scarred side with those he does not. This may infer a degree of impairment to his sight or possibly his hearing from the injury which the Nordic Model would account for because it can recognise that Zuko is also disabled by this in a way he would not be otherwise. The personal functionality of his senses affects him and thus the Nordic Model would recognise him as disabled even if he was not treated as he was in the narrative.

I'm very curious to hear your take on Zuko as a disabled character? All of your analyses of disability in fiction have been very interesting to read so far, thank you for sharing your thoughts/expertise.

Thank you!  Follow-on from this post about Toph.

What I mean by saying Zuko is a disabled character: the social model of disability basically states that disability is any bodily difference that gets problematized and/or treated as abnormal by society.  This definition includes facial differences, AKA any scarring, skin marking, and so on that leads to staring by nondisabled society or other forms of stigma based on the person’s appearance.  Part of the reason for this inclusion is about complicating the disabled-nondisabled dichotomy; facial difference and facial scarring are identities within that framework.  Part of the reason comes from the U.S.’s history of Ugly Laws, which literally made it illegal for people with facial differences to appear in public in some cities as late as 1974.  Part of it is the huge overlap between ableism (giving more privileges to the nondisabled) and lookism (giving more privileges to the normatively beautiful).

Avatar: The Last Airbender has some high-quality anti-ableism in showing Zuko’s story, including how other characters respond to Zuko and how Zuko’s appearance informs but does not define his characterization.

One of the ways this comes out is by turning nondisabled characters’ gaze back on them:

In “The Serpent’s Pass,” Jet says to Zuko “You know, as soon as I saw your scar, I knew exactly who you were…” and then goes on to describe his almost hilariously wrong conclusion that Zuko’s a Freedom Fighter waiting to happen because Zuko’s village was presumably also destroyed by the Fire Nation.  We get to see Zuko’s moment of terror that he actually has been recognized turn into incredulity as he then gets invited to join a guerrilla force opposing everything he (currently) stands for.  Jet looks stupid for jumping to conclusions based on appearances.

In both “Zuko Alone” and “The Cave of Two Lovers,” that same jumping-to-conclusions works in Zuko’s favor, because both Song’s mother and Li’s parents assume that anyone with a burn scar must be a veteran of the fight against the Fire Nation.  Again, the emphasis is on the fact that the people judging Zuko based on his appearance are wrong.

In “The Chase,” Azula becomes the only person we ever see mock Zuko for his appearance, when she covers her own left eye to draw out the “family resemblance” for Aang.  The moment gets a horrified reaction out of Aang — Zuko’s his enemy, but Aang also realizes that this is a nasty thing to do — and helps to establish Azula as not just a villain, but a sadistic one.

In “The Beach,” Zuko blows up at Ty Lee for commenting that stress can cause breakouts.  His response is unnecessarily mean-spirited, but it also draws attention to the relative level of privilege (the biggest skin problem she has to worry about is acne) that informed her careless comment.

In “Crossroads of Destiny,” Zuko assumes that, when Katara calls him “the face of the enemy,” it’s a way of calling him frightening to look at — and it’s Katara who looks like a jerk for implying it, even accidentally.

The other big way that this comes out is clapping back at the implied treatment of disability as demanding explanation, or the “But why are you like this?” form of ableism:

The show makes it clear that Zuko does not owe anyone — not Song, not Li, not Jet, not his crew, not his friends — an explanation for why he looks the way he does.  None of the Gaang ever ask Zuko what happened, and the few characters who do (Li, Song, Lieutenant Jee) don’t end up looking good when they do so.

“The Cave of Two Lovers” clearly underlines the show’s theme of “my body, my business” in the scene where Song tries to touch Zuko’s face.  The tone (including literal musical tones) signals that Song is being inappropriate and invasive.  It’s understandable that she wants to make a connection, but it’s also emphatically not okay to touch body parts of strangers one has not received permission to touch.

To be clear, taking people’s ostrich-horses is also not okay, Zuko, but Baby’s First Grand Theft Auto helps drive home just how thoroughly Song has let her curiosity and rudeness sour a budding connection.  It also shows that, while she’s right that she and Zuko have some things in common, she has privileges he lacks because she doesn’t have to disclose her scars if she doesn’t feel like it.  Plus, that moment contrasts to Katara and Mai both touching Zuko’s cheek — Katara just after they’ve shared a moment of vulnerability, Mai just before they start smooching — because they’re both doing so in a way that’s respectful to Zuko himself.

When he wakes up from a dream of turning into Aang, the first thing Zuko does is touch his left eye to make sure he’s still himself.  It’s part of his identity, and the only time we see adolescent Zuko without it (earlier in the dream sequence) it’s a way of showing that Zuko isn’t truly himself.

Zuko grapples with the fact that he’s always going to bear evidence of having survived abuse, and a big part of his character journey is concluding that he’s free to make whatever meaning he chooses of that scar, regardless of what Ozai might’ve intended.

There are other elements of Zuko’s story the Avatar writers do well.  He bears a superficial resemblance to the thousands of villains (especially in SF) who become villainous because they incur facial scarring, but of course his story is infinitely more humanized and nuanced than “skin bleached in a vat of acid, might as well go rob banks now.”  His appearance incurs very different reactions depending on his current wealth and political power, emphasizing the intersections of disability and imperialism.  He discusses the possibility of a cure with Katara, but also goes on to live a long and fulfilling life without one.

Maybe there’s no clearer evidence that Zuko counts as disabled in the sense of “society treats your body as a problem that needs to be solved” than the way that adaptations of AtLA treat the scar.  They tend to minimize, hide, or otherwise avoid it.

[Image description: Sepia-toned image of the Gaang from a Legend of Korra promotional that appeared on the Nickelodeon website.  Zuko has his head turned and his hair swept forward in such a way that none of the left side of his face is visible.]

[Image description: Screenshot of Zuko from the 2010 adaptation The Last Airbender.  Dev Patel has a very subtle amount of makeup meant to convey minimal scarring around his left eye.]

Like I said: facial difference counts as a disability because society treats it like one.  In the social model, that’s what counts rather than, for instance, how much peripheral vision Zuko does or doesn’t have.

I’m not linking to any of many works of fan art that depict Zuko tilted to the right, occasionally even when other characters are presented facing directly ahead.  Nor am I going to link to any of the equally-plentiful works of fan fiction that keep most other elements of canon the same but specify that Zuko’s face is unscarred.  (A similar number, it’s worth noting, also make Toph sighted.)  This isn’t a callout.  It’s an explanation of how Avatar does an effective job of showing how Zuko’s facial difference informs his identity without making that difference the sum total of his identity.

[boreal-sea]

I’m wondering if calckey’s TOS applies to every single instance or just the official calckey ones? It prohibits gore/NSFL (which afaik is like. Videos or images of people being murdered like literally losing their lives) but if i joined an instance that made an exception for art, writing, etc, as long as it was properly tagged/hidden/spoilered as needed, would that be allowed?

Some of the vague terms on the official TOS make me nervous, for a lot of them there isn’t a legal term to tie them to

I couldn't really find any general TOS for the Calckey software on their homepage, https://calckey.org/ or on their github page. Could you direct me to the specific site where you're reading a TOS for Calckey in general?

Were you maybe looking at the TOS specifically for the calckey.social instance? I'm actually having trouble loading their TOS page, I keep getting a 504 timeout!

I don't want to make any sweeping statements, but as far as I'm aware, the TOS of a Calckey instance are up to the people running said instance.

[ruskeptical]

I noticed the post you're mentioning being reblogged on my timeline and they DOXXED his last name.

Make him aware if you can. I don't know if he knows and he deserves to if he wants to report it.

I don't know if he LEGALLY uses that, but in the tags I saw a name that looked like a last name.

Unless they have someone in their BASEMENT, you shouldn't ever release that kind of information about someone. I felt physically sick seeing that present anywhere.

These people are sick and disgusting.

I hope Kirby is ok. I fucking mean that. Back when he broke up with his ex FNGR I rooted for his downfall.

Now I see this and I wonder how far they've strayed from their intentions, and if it ever was rightly placed to begin with.

I don't know what's worse. Using his last name or using the name that he used as a brony. Because if memory serves, he claimed FNGR was abusive to him.

And if that's true?

I don't want to believe it, but that's a second level of horrifying. I feel horrible even thinking about the harassment we gave back in those days.

We thought it would be funny to misgender and deadname (me and my friends.) We thought ourselves clever because we would make jokes at his expense about his insecurities with his body image. We made ourselves laugh like idiots saying HORRIBLE things about him behind closed doors.

We thought ourselves clever because we didn't think he was telling the truth.

Well, FNGR showed his true colors in 2020 and now I can't help but believe what he said.

And looking back at WHAT he said FNGR did, this is a rabbit hole.

An entire RABBIT HOLE.

Claims of sexual abuse online and irl, emotional abuse so severe I could even see him picking fights with him on live streams and tormenting him, at one point FNGR gave personal information about Kirby's in real life trauma with his family.

Just to be petty. He gave information that was so personal I couldn't believe my eyes.

He has an entire stream once dedicated to humiliating him. I thought it was rightly deserved at the time but now? Now I just feel it was for their enjoyment.

Kirby was abused by his ex. And his ex's group of bigoted friends. Looking back on it, I should have realized what was going on. But I was an idiot.

I'm rambling, but that's because a lot of information about the behavior of Saturn is coming to light.

I had no idea she sank so low as to endorse doxxing information and deadnaming.

The lack of proof on the post only further pissed me off. The claims they made didn't seem like Kirby. At all.

I remember he one time tracked down and personally confronted pedophiles for FNGR. Even as narrow minded as I was at the time, I saw the passion and the empathy.

FNGR would always silence him about it, but Kirby made it a point to say he's been a victim. That's why he cares.

Kirby isn't a pedophile or anything close to that. He's a victim. Even if he wasn't allowed to say what he went through with his grooming, I could tell it was severe from how angry he would get at the people who went after minors online.

I heard him crying once and it broke me.

Kirby seems like he's doing well, which is astounding to say the least.

His roleplay blog is nicely set up, his characters are cute.

His art has improved HOLY SHIT.

(Can't say much of the same for Saturn)

Even seeing her deadname him back in those days makes me cringe and repulsed.

I would reach out to him but I know if I do, SHE'LL know.

She somehow always knows that shit.

And I rather not deal with her lunatic screaming at me for giving her an ounce of criticism that goes unheard.

I hope you and Kirby are well. I mean that. I'm too ashamed of my past to come forward about who I am.

Maybe one day. But for now. Please please PLEASE take care.

This is incredibly heartwarming to read, and I'll make sure this makes it back to Kirby.

I will say though, if you want my opinion, you should get the fuck out of there too. You shouldn't, nor should anyone, have to live with a Sword of Damocles hanging over them like this. I can't promise these piranhas won't come after you too, but I can promise that you'll always find friendship and kindness. My DMs are open, and I'll stick my Discord at the end here too if you want to talk. And if you feel up to it eventually, I think you should tell Kirby all of this personally. It would mean a lot to him.

SKEPTICAL.#9670

[littlest-dark-age]

Damiano david headcannons

Tagging @daddydamiano @noshame-bb @mywritingonlyfans

Translations 1, my soul 2, angel 3, my love 4, my life 5, little star 6, puppy 7, bunny 8, sweetness. Please let me know if any translation is incorrect.

Damiano would always be pressing kisses into your soft skin, wherever he could reach at the moment. The two of you are cooking and you have a huge sleep shirt on that reveals your shoulders? Kiss. You're fiddling with his hands out in public due to nerves? He's kissing every finger while looking you in the eye with a grin. You'd think he's convinced its a carnal sin to not kiss you every five minutes

He would beg you to do his makeup, constantly. He loves the intimacy of it, you usually sit on his lap for it and the way you gently cup his strong jaw turns him into an absolute puddle. You lose count of how many times you have to make him look back at you because he just wants to close his eyes and sink into the warmth you radiate. But you can't be mad at him, not when he looks up at you with those puppy dog eyes, shining with love.

Damia would absolutely give you one of his rings, and if it doesn't fit your fingers, no worries. He'll just give you one of his chains to put it on. He loves to kiss it when you wear it, whether it be on the chain or your hand. It always makes his heart skip a beat, a claim to the world that he was the lucky one to capture your affections

Please play with his hair, please. He will turn into a puppy the minute your nails graze his scalp. It doesn't matter the length, he loves it. His eyes slowly shut as you scratch at the shaved sides but he'll deny that he's about to fall asleep. 

Spa nights. Just, spa nights. He will let you put the cute animal headbands on him to keep his hair out of his mask, even letting you put it on him. Dami would love to watch movies like Legally Blonde and Clueless while you paint his nails and the glittery mask on his face dries. Never wearing a shirt, saying he wants skin to skin with you as he raises your shirt up to your chest so the two of you are pressed together. He'd sit on the floor, letting you work the hair mask through his hair as the first movie goes off and he starts to hunt for another, one of his hands stroking your bare leg.

Sleepy make out sessions are his favorite, after he's had his tea and the two of you are dead tired but can't stop. Even going as far to tell you that the two of you really should go to bed, as he's sweetly kissing you. There's no rush to it, no need to hide away your love as it's just the two of you. Locked away from the rest of the world, where damiano david is just yours. Where his nose keeps bumping yours just so he can hear you laugh and have you rub your own against his, like a bunny. His hands snaking up the back of your shirt to stroke down the length of your spine with the tips of his fingers. Barely enough for you to be able to feel it. 

If you were okay with it, he would absolutely want to tattoo you. He would never pressure you to if you really didn't but he would try to convince you if you were on the fence about it. If you let him pick, good luck. It would either be something like 'i am yours', which he would get a matching one. Probably around his heart. Or it would be something for måneskin. To have something he worked so hard on, permanently on someone he loves so so much would have him ecstatic. 

The pet names. They're never ending and ever changing. He says he can't help it and that he just says what comes to mind when he sees you. Whether that's anima mia 1, angelo 2, amore mio 3, vita mia 4, stellina 5, cucciolo 6, leprotta 7, or dolcezza 8. You never know which one to expect but they all bring a smile to your face, nevertheless. 

Damiano would always ask your opinion on his stage outfits, not really for reassurance but more so to involve you in every possible thing he can. He loves your input and always takes it into consideration. And you help him remember some things, like something might make him too hot or might restrict his movements on stage. The practical things he doesn't always think about, more focused on the look and aesthetic of it. 

Pictures, pictures and more pictures. He loves taking pictures of you doing the smallest of tasks, especially for when he has to be away from you. If you hid your face, he would still adore the photo but pout a bit because he couldn't see you. Even if photos could never compare to the real thing, in his words. He just wants you to be able to love yourself the way he loves you. He doesn't care about some imperfections, they're what make up you and everybody has them. So, it's probably easier to just let him have his pictures. 

His lockscreen is a picture of you and him with the cats piled up between the two of you. You didn't even know he took it until you went to check something on his phone for him. Dami says you look so peaceful in it, pressing a kiss to the cat's head with your eyes closed, and that it always helps him calm down when he looks at it. That it reminds him of home when he's not there to hold you on the nights on the road. Although, his wallpaper is an entirely different story. A bit more...spicy, if you will. It's a picture of you laying in bed wearing black lacy lingerie with a camera in your hand, and Damiano's legs are able to be seen straddling your waist.

He might not always be able to call or facetime during a tour but believe it when he makes those calls worth it. He loves to be able to call you for hours at a time and if time zones allow it, go to sleep with you on call. If not, that's okay. He has your time zone saved in his clock so he can always be sure to send you a goodnight or good morning text, even if it's a bit late or early. Damia needs to have that little slice of normalcy to keep him from going crazy during the tour. He lives and breathes music, don't get me wrong. But you are his soul and his mind, without you, there would be no music. 

If you're out with the band, he will pull you as close as you'll allow. Even onto his lap if it's a more private place or just you and the others. But this also means you'll be poked and tickled the entire night, even if you slap his hands away. He can't keep his hands off of your ribs, no matter how sore his hands get from your smacks. He compares it to when a kitten nibbles on them.

Damiano needs to be convinced to take a break and slow down, often. He gets so swept up in it that he doesn't realize he hasn't had a proper meal in a couple of days or that he's been skimping on sleep to write lyrics and play around with harmonies. Getting him out of the studio is hard, but much needed. He will appreciate it, as well as apologize for neglecting you for the past days. A nice date or just something to get him outside is just what he needed. No matter how casual it is, being able to relax and spend some time with you is one of his favorite things to do.

Some of his favorite dates are the ones where the two of you are able to just do something and have a good time without the pressure of having to dress up and get ready. He still uses the heart shaped mug you made him on one of your dates, still listens to the record you got him when the two of you got all of your favorite albums and swapped. He still has the tickets from the first movie the two of you were able to go and see together, stuck in between the worn pages of some old book of italian poems he's had forever

His love language is a mix of acts of service and gift giving. He loves to give you little trinkets and stuff he finds while on tour, each item reminding him of you in some way or another. Even if it's just a rock he thought you might like, a pair of earrings you've mentioned before or even just something he thought you might could use. And he will give you one of his oversized blazers if the two of you are out and it's cool, even make sure you have enough to eat and offer you bites of his own food if you want. Hell, if you wanted what he ordered versus what you ordered, he would swap it even if your dish isn't his favorite thing.

Dami loves cooking with you, there's something so domestic about it that he can't help but imagine your future together. He always claims that the meals the two of you prepare together are the best thing he's ever eaten, no matter how simple it is. Just don't break the pasta in front of him, you'll send him into cardiac arrest.

He loves it when you trace and kiss his tattoos, they're something he's proud of and knowing how much you like them just makes him happy. Of course, he knows you don't have to adore every tattoo he has as long as he's happy with it, but it still makes him feel nice when you show his ink a bit of love. It always tickles him a bit when you drag your nail on the ones in his chest, sending shivers down his spine when you do. 

He is a cover hog, yet denies it with every bone in his body. He claims you push them onto him most of the time, despite the fact that you struggle to cover up completely whilst he's on the other side of the bed bundled up like a baby with almost the entire cover. Thankfully, he's warm enough that you can just curl up behind him or into his side and get all the heart that you need from him. He still denies that he hogs the covers when the entire comforter is in a pile on his side, almost like he's trying to build himself a nest

Showering together is one of his favorite things, he loves how intimate it can be. Holding you and helping you wash up without any need to be awkward and feeling comfortable in your own skin in front of each other means so much to him. Being able to be open with one another and not hide anything, even if it's insecurities about your body. He understands that the world isnt always the nicest place and that he can't undo how people's words might hurt you but he'll try his best to get you to love your body

Damiano would love to teach you italian if you didn't already and wanted to learn. He's so excited to be able to share something like this with you that he doesn't realize how hard it is to teach someone an entire language. He overestimates himself and how good of a teacher he is, but that doesn't mean he won't try his best. It just takes a little bit of time, for the both of you. He understands the struggles of learning a new language and wouldn't try to push you to learn it so soon. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day. 

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy-Eight

Words: 3k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, substance abuse

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"H-Hi." Deana tries to keep her composure upon the sight of Nikki freshly off-stage. 

He looks more pale than he was before heading to play, his sweat cloaked body shaking slightly. 

His mother, her dark hair curled and bright red lips tugging into a sappy smile as tears bubble in her eyes.

Even without probably knowing the whole story, Axl and the guys know Nikki doesn't have a relationship with his mom, and the nightmare about to take place has them slowly leaning against the wall of the hallway, quietly looking down, uncomfortable with getting caught in the middle of this. 

"What are you doing here?" Nikki asks, confused, more than likely questioning if its a hallucination from mixing too many drugs or not. 

"I made the arrangement." Doc states chipperly, stupidly thinking Nikki would be happy. "An early Christmas present." He adds. 

"I wanted to see you," She tells her son, taking a few steps closer, "I wanted to see both of you...I've already missed out on so much." She explains, looking at me. "I-I know the timing is off, but I really wanted to talk to you." 

"No, the timing isn't off--" I try to assure her. 

"--Don't waste your breath, Viv, she's just gonna ask for money and then disappear for another ten years." Nikki scoffs, brushing past her. 

"Frank--"

"--That's not my name." He snaps to her. 

"It's the name on your birth certificate, Frankie. Frank Ferana. It might not be as glamorous as 'Nikki Sixx' but--" 

"--It's Nikki. Legally. It's Sixx. Legally. It's her last name. Legally." He refers to me and she clenches her jaw. "And any kids I have are gonna have that last name. Legally. I'm not 'Frank', or 'Frankie', and I'm certainly not a fucking 'Ferana' so don't even start that shit."

"You're still my baby." She tells him, trying not to cry. "I came all this way to see you." She adds, wrapping her arms around him. 

I see the glimmer of a little boy in his eyes, for a split second, then it's quickly pushed aside and replaced with that of an angry, abused, hurt, scorned, abandoned dog. 

And he's going for the throat in a moment the second she says:

"Oh, my Frankie." 

He's shoving her off of him so hard she nearly goes to the floor. 

"That's not my fucking name!" He screams at her, throwing his bottle of Jack at the ground at her heeled-boot covered feet. 

He's storming off, Doc following after him, and Fred takes a breath and goes to Deana, to politely usher her out. 

"That's fucked." Izzy mumbles, shaking his head slightly, going to their dressing room and I walk behind them. 

"Nikki--"

"--Who the fuck do you think you are?! Huh?! Who the hell are you to bring my personal life front and center for every God damn body to see?!" 

"I didn't realize you and your mother weren't on good terms." Doc tells him, honestly. 

"You think I'm this fucked up for the hell of it?! You think I'm this way after growing up with parents who gave a shit?! Really?!" Nikki laughs humorlessly.

"Nikki, I'm sorry, alright?" 

"No, you're not, you don't give a shit and you never have, you're just another greedy fuck getting his rocks off from the money in my pocket but I'm done!" He yells, turning to walk away. "You don't know what's fucking best for me, you don't care about me, you don't care about the band, you're not my fucking father and you sure as shit aren't my manager anymore so just go get fucked, Doc, you're fucking fired!" He calls. 

"You're not fired." I assure Doc, wanting to go after him, but not able to bring myself to. 

He doesn't want to talk to me about it. 

I am surprised to see Axl rub his forehead and roll his jaw before stalking past me, Nikki's way. 

"Where you going?" I ask him. 

"I fucking hate my mom." Is all he says as he goes by. 

I didn't know what exact issue Axl had with his own mother, but I'd later find out it was because her horrible judgment in men and what abuse she'd allow him and his siblings to endure from those men, along with her forceful hand in religion that she and Axl's stepfather enforced brutally on their kids.

"Did Doc really not mean to set that up?" Steven asks me when I get into their dressing room. 

"No, he didn't." I reply. 

"Is Nikki gonna be okay?" Tansy asks quietly. 

"I don't know, Tansy." I roll my eyes and she furrows her brows, slightly. 

"Do you even care?" She asks me and I look at her. 

"Tans--" Duff starts. 

"--No, I mean, really, Vivian. Do you even care?" She cuts him off. 

"Excuse me?" I ask, practically seeing the dullness in her eyes of a mixed-drug high.

Without a doubt coke and smack.

"Of course I care, Tansy. Just because he and I are separated doesn't mean I want him to suffer."

"Way to take one for the team by sleeping with Duff, then, because surely that is the one thing that has to be done to prevent Nikki's suffering." She states. 

"What I do and who I do it with is my business, Tansy." I tell her, crossing my arms. 

"Sure doesn't sound that way when everybody on the same floor as you can hear nothing but, 'ahh, ahh, Duff, ahh!'" She mimics moaning. 

"Maybe I'm staying under Duff so much because if I don't, you'll take it as an open invitation, and there really are some people you don't have to try to sleep with mandatorily based on their wallet size, Tansy." 

"Just like there are some people you don't have to sleep with based on whether or not they're gonna be big rockstars or not." She shoots back. 

"Wanna be the pot or the kettle?" I ask. 

"I want you to stop adding fuel to the fire and then acting like your hands are clean while smiting all of us." She outbursts. 

"Smite you for adding to his problems? Offering him drugs when he's already going down hill? Letting him think screwing another woman is okay--not even screwing her, having an entire relationship with her." I correct myself. 

"Given the circumstances of your marriage, he needed an escape." She says next. 

"Given the circumstances of your new-found smack-induced courage, you act like you need my fist to knock your teeth out." 

"Viv--"

"--Then you'll really be laying on your back to get work." 

"But at least I do work. What do you do? Aside from spend Nikki's money and sleep with his friends?" 

"I'm not killing him like you and Sparkie have been with your junkie bullshit." I manage to keep myself from having an outburst, more concerned with Nikki's crisis with his mom. 

"Not yet, at least." She mumbles as I'm walking out. 

"Where you guys going?" Tommy asks as we head to leave for the bus. 

"Um… about to pack our stuff up and head out?" Izzy replies.

"No, no, no, just because Nikki's parade's been pissed on doesn't mean ours has to be." Tommy suggests to them. 

"Yeah, c'mon it's our last night hangin' out for a while." Vince points out, two groupies already under each arm. 

"I was gonna check on Sixx." Slash explains. 

"I'm fine." Nikki shows up, his hands on Slash's shoulders, tightly in an aggravating manner, making Slash chuckle as he twists away from him. 

Axl isn't far behind, he and Izzy looking at the invitation to hangout with the guys one last time on this tour, hesitantly. 

"What the hell," Izzy shrugs. 

"So glad you said that, man, because we have a special surprise." Nikki grins, beckoning them with his finger. 

"Stevie, c'mon!" Duff exclaims from behind me, Steven exiting their dressing room with Tansy behind him. 

"You good?" He asks Nikki. 

"Yeah." Nikki assures him. "I have a present." He adds, leading the guys to the double doors of what I assume is a bigger room. 

Sure enough, he opens the door, and at least ten girls are lined up, naked, asses up, thick lines of coke down their spines. 

Nausea nestles it's way into my stomach, but Tommy, Vince and Nikki look as if this is their promised land. 

Even Steven looks slightly off-put by the brazen display. 

Complete disinterest cascades off of Duff, a heavy puff of cigarette smoke leaving his nostrils with the huff of his unamused breath. 

"Who's first?" Nikki asks. 

Naturally, the guys look to their "leader," and Axl reluctantly rolls his eyes and walks over to the first girl. 

It's like he refuses to acknowledge she's naked, his main focus is the line of coke on her back. 

He snorts one-eighth of the line before deciding that's enough. 

I don't blame him--the way his fingers hold at the bridge of his nose makes me wince because I know it probably burns like a bitch. 

"Boo!" Tommy disappointedly calls to Axl as he walks out. 

He's had his party. 

Izzy follows. 

"More for us." Nikki shrugs, smirking. 

He looks at me directly in the eyes, heavy black liner sharpening the contrast of his hazel eyes as he keeps my gaze, spitefully unbuckling his belt and he starts unlacing his pants, making his way to the girl Axl was at earlier. 

He is not…

Duff's snatching me out of the room only milliseconds before Nikki enters the girl in sync with snorting the line up her skin.

That was that.

It's a bittersweet draw to an end, "thank you" and "damn, I'm gonna miss you" seeming to be on everyone's lips as hugs and high-fives go around between all the boys once we get back to L.A.

I rub my lips together and smile softly as I hand Fred my purse to put in the car, sighing softly, smiling when he looks down at me. 

"See ya later, kid." He tells me and tears swell in my eyes as I wrap hug him tightly, taking him off guard a little. "Don't kill each other...not even over that dumb shit he pulled tonight." He says, referring to the groupie cocaine platter. 

"I'll try." I mumble, wiping my eyes quickly before stepping up to say bye to the guys. 

Steven and Slash are pretty easy, but Axl just stares at me for a moment before reluctantly wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tightly. 

"I'm sorry I was an asshole this entire trip." He mumbles lowly in my ear. 

"I'm sorry I almost got you kicked off." I reply in the same low tone. 

"You're one of the reasons they took us in the first place." He states, pulling away to look at me, cupping my face in his hands, grinning. "You're gonna keep up my lie that we're siblings, right?" He asks and I chuckle. 

"You guys are gonna make it big and I need a meal ticket so of course." I shrug and his smile grows wider. "I love you." I tell him. 

"I love you, too." He assures me, kissing me on the cheek, giving me one last squeezing hug before heading to their bus. 

Izzy looks at me for a moment. 

"Izzy." I say to him. 

"Viv." He acknowledges me and steps to the bus. 

Just before Duff can tell me 'bye', arms are locking around my waist, and pulling me against the person they belong to. 

"Izzy?" I ask after a moment. 

"We're not friends." He says, pulling away to leave, leaving me and Duff. 

"Um, I'll see you later?" I offer and he rubs his lips together, his eyes over my shoulder, and I look to see Nikki and a woman that we'd picked up from the airport, getting into the car. 

I turn back to face Duff, biting my tongue to keep my tears back. 

"You can stay with me tonight." Duff offers. 

"Really?" 

He just smiles down at me. 

I inhale the familiarly comforting scent of cigarette smoke as we walk into Duff's apartment, dropping my bags and running to the bedroom, face planting into the mattress, exhausted. 

The weight of Duff's body laying on top of me making me laugh, his own chuckle further making me grin. 

"I'm so tired." I tell him.

"Me too." He replies, and I turn over underneath him, wrinkling my nose.

"You stink." I say. 

"I think I smell pretty sexy." He grins, teasingly. 

"No." I shake my head a little, scrunching my face to my shoulder when he tries to kiss my neck. "Go shower." I giggle when he tries again. 

"Come shower with me." He counters. 

"I don't feel like it and I don't stink, so--ew, Duff!" I squeal as he takes his shirt off that reeks of sweat and rubs it all over my face and hair. 

"What about now?" He asks and I pick up the pillow above my head and start hitting at him with it.

After a few hits are gotten in, he's getting off the bed, stretching. 

"You coming?" He asks when he walks to the bathroom. 

"I guess." I reply, following after him. 

Once I get out and have one of Duff's shirts on, I go to the kitchen to grab some water before bed, the quietness of the apartment allowing different thoughts to invade my mind. 

I can't help but wonder what Nikki's doing. Is he high? Is he drunk? Is he even still alive? They leave in a few days for Japan but I honestly don't believe they should go. They need help. 

I think at this moment everyone's just trying to see if they can get away with pressing at them a little more without anybody snapping. 

But by the looks of it, Nikki is pretty damn close to snapping, and Tommy anf Vince and Mick aren't far behind at all. 

Nikki. 

My heart tightens in my chest, remembering last Christmas, how he sat curled under our tree, shooting up. 

He'd get strung out, then lay underneath the tree and stare up at the lights for hours. 

"Are we gonna buy a Christmas  tree?" I ask, looking at the empty living area. 

"If you want to." He calls to me from the bedroom.

"I want to." I reply, going into the room and getting in bed while he follows. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah. You know, homey-ness and stuff." I add. "Especially if I'm gonna be here longer." I add and he falls beside me. 

"I'll get a tree tomorrow." He assures me, kissing me chastely before yawning and getting comfortable, and I turn off the lamp and lay down, too. 

He goes to sleep in no time, but two hours later, in the early hours of morning, I smile to myself in the dark room, Christmas lights from the street shining into the window, lighting up the room and cascading a comforting dim light over Duff's sleeping body next to me. 

Reaching over, I run my fingertips softly against his cheek, pushing blonde strands of his hair out of the way, his eyes slowly blinking open slightly before a small tug of a smile pulls his lips slightly. 

"Sorry." I whisper, not meaning to have woken him up. 

"It's okay." He says quietly, closing his eyes again. "I love you, Vivian." He adds, his eyes staying closed, but he grabs my hand that's on his cheek, and presses a kiss to my palm, holding my hand when he's done. 

I snuggle closer to him, laying still and closing my eyes, too, while I reply, "I love you, too," the way I wish I would have done to Nikki all these years. 

Years later, while on what I presumed to be his deathbed, he told me that simple moment was what made him feel sure that I was the one. I took everything he had done up to that point with stride. But thinking he was going to die, reflecting on everything that could have been between us but never got to be, and hearing him tell me, "there's a ring I got you years ago when we thought we were gonna be together, but I never gave it to you. Mandy never knew about it. Linda doesn't know about it, but it's on my closet shelf and I don't want to go without giving it to you," broke my heart more than anything he could've done up to that point.

NIKKI

I turn over, seeing the silhouette of the brunette I picked up at the airport, her sheet-covered chest rising and falling with each breath. 

A part of me feels irritated because her perfume is contaminating Vivian's side of the bed that still smells like her. 

I've been reduced to plucking Viv's clothing from drawers or from in the closet and smelling it. That makes me sound like a fucking stalking creep, but it's the truth. 

How the fuck did we get here, again? 

Oh, right, me not able to keep my dick in my pants, and the woman I didn't keep my dick in my pants for, didn't keep her mouth shut.

I sit up, walking to the bathroom to piss. When I'm done I look at myself in the mirror and feel a little impressed. 

I don't look as bad as I thought. 

Well, kinda. 

I splash water on my face, wincing at the dark circles under my eyes. 

I end up staring at myself for God knows how long, remembering how Vivian would wake up and come in here to get me back in bed if I left her for too long because she didn't like sleeping by herself. 

I smile a little, slowly closing my eyes, feeling her touch across my back, the softness of her lips pressing to the skin of my spine before her cheek presses to the same place before she sleepily mumbles out, "come back to bed." 

Opening my eyes, for a split second, I see her. Standing behind me, green eyes peering at me over my shoulder, the feeling of her holding me...it's gone in a flash. She's gone in a flash. 

My nose burns with the oncoming tears cooking up in my eyes, and I erase them quickly with another splash of water to thr face. 

[trideltalopez]

TAGGING → santana & mike.  TIME FRAME → two weeks later. LOCATION → university of miami campus.

MIKE:

Mike stood next to Kitty and listened as she explained what hell week was about. Although it wasn’t something to look forward to, it also meant that they’d be welcoming full fledged brothers and sisters in a few days. He’d been through that as well during his freshman year and had been paired off with one of those daddy’s girls who made a big deal out of everything. He also had to go to class with his hair done like Dany Zuko from Grease for an entire week. Needless to say that some of the Seniors still called him Zuko.

While Kitty went through the list, his eyes scanned the crowd and spotted Santana. He resisted the urge to wink at her but offered a small smile before averting his gaze. She certainly distinguished herself in her cheerleading uniform but she looked good. He was looking forward to spending time with her. It was a great opportunity to do just that without having to hide and lie. As long as he got to be her partner that week, everything should be fine. He did plan to give a stern warning before letting everyone go but there’s no doubt that the Sigma Chi brothers and Tridelta sisters could be very creative. He’d seen kids having to bring ridiculous things such as paddles or dog plush toys to class but some brothers had poor judgement and sometimes, things got out of control.

He remained as expressionless as possible, even as Kitty announced that Santana would be his for the next week. After all, the pledges were supposed to be nervous or worse, scared. When she was done, he turned to her and briefly narrowed his eyes at her. Despite telling his cousin his wanted to be partnered with Santana, he’d been careful enough to tell Kitty he wanted that one girl who looked like she could be Naomi Scott’s twin. Of course, Kitty smiled brightly as she handed the list to him. She’d fallen right into the trap. Mike took the list from her and began reading the names out loud, announcing the names of his future brothers and the names of the Trideltas they were assigned to. He’d  made sure Kitty had someone hot and rich to play with. “We’ll meet here at the end of the week. Don’t forget that you’re not supposed to do anything legally reprehensible. If you have poor judgement, just wonder if what you’re about to ask them to do would get me into trouble. And I promise that even the smallest incident will make your own hell week feel like a weekend at the spa compared to what I’m going to do to you. With that in mind, you can now go. Hell week has officially started”.

SANTANA:

Resisting the urge to smirk, she kept her expression passive as her name was announced and she was given to Mike for the week. She needed the others, namely Kitty to think that she was just as terrified as some of the other girls. It was pretty hot to see him take charge and in his element with his role as president. Despite the fact he took charge a lot of the time they were together. He finished his threat and dismissed the group, allowing the partners to find one another and begin their potentially dismal week. It was something that she had been concerned about, the thought that some people might take it too far, so he put her a little at ease with the warning.

Crossing the floor to greet him, Kitty intercepted her and tugged her arm, spinning her around to face her. She gave her a disapproving look and began to speak again, "You were put with Mike because we're total besties now. I don't trust a lot of these other bitches with him. I don't know if you know this but he's my ex. You're a loyal little lamb and I know you would never do anything to hurt me. Besides, I know he's still into me, so it doesn't even matter." Every single word she said fired her up a little more. Maybe she would have felt just a little guilty if Kitty wasn't so full of herself. Santana nodded, gritting her teeth. Kitty waved her off with a dismissive flick of her hand, going off to find her own victim for the next week. She sucked in a deep calming breath and continued across the room to Mike. "She is a fucking bitch." she growled quietly, her hands wringing together.

"Well, this all sounds super non-consensual." she said, her eyes narrowing over his shoulder at Kitty. Of course she would have come up with something like this, something exerting her power and control over the people around her. Mike's string pulling had been a blessing in disguise. She knew that his warning would only go so far, for both sides. "I'm not sucking your cock to gain entry." she said, her eyebrow arched at him. "I'll do it because I want to." she added as an afterthought, her voice quiet so that only he could hear. They had been teasing one another through text earlier and despite the fact that they were surrounded by their peers, she felt a little bolder now that they could spend time together around people without causing suspicion.

hell week ⇄ miketana

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