#if you like secretly don't like me or whatever
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Hello! Do you have a favorite winter recipe? I'm looking to expand my repertoire, because I've only lived in a climate that snows for a couple years, and I don't have enough cozy, bone warming foods!
PS - I keep having to feed my cat pumpkin puree because he has some tummy troubles but he will only eat it if I gently hand feed him with a spoon. Just thought you might enjoy that.
YES HERE IS JOYOUS SOUP
(i have never actually called it joyous soup but it's what i feel everytime i make it and i feel like everyone should make it)
This soup does not have a proper recipe because uhh, my mom is bad with recipes but ALSO this soup truly adapts to whatever you have in your fridge, as long as you have 1) some kind of oil or butter to sautee things with and 2) potatoes. this is the sam gamgee make-it-on-the-side-of-a-mountain-winter soup.
Step 1. Take your potatoesâ6 is the ideal but 4 worksâand chop them up rough. "What kind of potatoes?" Whatever they have on the side of the mountain, Sam. You now have a bunch of 1" potato chunks or discs (I like discs). I assumed you washed them first but if you forgot you can wash them now.
Step 2. Get your oil or butter sizzling. I use about two tablespoons of butter to start and add more as I go if the potatoes don't look fully covered. I am probably cooking the butter on medium.
Step 3. You're putting the potatoes in the butter. You're pretending to fry them. Watch them get all buttery and golden and a little brown and crispy. You're thinking, man, I could eat these as they are right now. You could do that. Don't. Add garlic and onions if you have them. Add lots.
Step 4. Just as you're like oh MAN these potatoes and garlic and onions look really good fried just like this, you're going to swamp them in water. You're going to stare at what you've done and thought you made a mistake. You have not. The water should just be covering the potatoes and now you've turned the water up to high, staring at your weird sad soup pot, that smells deliciously of butter garlic onions and potatoes.
Step 5. In another saucepan, you are melting more butter (or oil, or what have you) and figuring out what else you have in your cupboard. Carrots? Those can go in. Parsnips could too. Spinach works nicely. Any onions or garlic you forgot can be added again now. Mushrooms are fucking fabulous. Leeks? Sublime. The only veg you should be avoiding are the ones that are secretly fruits (no watery tomatoes or squishy cucumbers) or the ones that you think are insipid (celery).
Step 6. You're chopping all of that up as much as you like and browning it up in the butter. You're also adding whatever spices strike your fancy. I love salt, so that's always going in, but I usually add black pepper and cayenne, and then I get fruity with it and start adding in paprikas and cumins and turmerics or corianders and thymes and basils and parsleys. It all depends on what smells right to you combined with the steams you're making, and how much spice you want kicking you later.
Step 7. How are your boiled potatoes looking? Are they soft yet? Good. Can you stick a fork in them yet, and has the water boiled down to almost nothing? Excellent. How are all your buttery brown vegetables looking? If you want to give up the whole experiment and eat them right out of the pan, it's time to make another mistake and add all your gorgeous browned vegetables to your disastrous wet potato pot.
Step 8. You now have a lot of delicious stuff looking wet and sad in your potato pot. Pour in a bit more water (or veg broth, or stock if you have it) and stir that all up. Let it stew together a bit and combine flavors. Turn it back down to medium so you donât scorch any of your nice wet veg things. If you're fancy like my mom, you get out an immersion blender here. If you're broke and possess your grandmother's food processor, like me, you're pouring that all into the food processor with the biggest blade you have and turning it into a smoothie. If your concoction seems oddly chunky you need to add more water.
Step 9. Wet sad potato smoothie is not much to look at but now you're adding CREAM. and CHEESE. and MORE SPICES TO YOUR TASTE. If you don't have cream MILK WORKS FINE. If you don't have cheese THAT IS OKAY. If you like your soup with chunks LEAVE OUT SOME OF YOUR VEG NEXT TIME and ADD IT IN HERE. At this point, you have a gorgeous creamy soup that's soft and luscious (that's the potatoes), includes all your favorite veg (that's everything you got out of the fridge), and can go in any number of taste directions depending on what spices you put in (I've made this with Indian spices, English herb garden spices, Mexican spices, Hungarian spicesâevery time it's delicious and works a different way).
Step 10. I hope you have a lot of bread because you're going to be dipping it in your soup saying :) man this is a nice soup :) and knowing you can make it whenever you have weird leftovers, as long as you have potatoes and butter. and what else does a person need in life than potatoes and butter?
enjoy your joyous soup <3 i may have forgotten several steps but as long as you follow -brown some veg -add water -add spice -blend the shit out of it, you can never really go wrong <3
#also you don't even need the dairy stuff it just gives it a nice OOMPH.#ive made this soup with nothing but potatoes olive oil scallions salt and water and it still went fucking hard. just give your stuff time t#melt around and get all flavory#hotvintagethoughts
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Maybe It Was Fate
Summary: During the 'hughesbowl' as fans may call it, you are caught in a trance that is Quinn Hughes... unaware that he is your coworkers' oldest brother.
Quinn Hughes x photographer!reader
A/N: I was debating whether to make this nico or quinn as the love interest and Quinn won in the end(nico does have a cameo however)- This was also supposed to be posted the day of the hughesbowl, but stuff came up so here it is now!!
AND I'M CHANGING THE SCORE IN THIS BECAUSE WHATEVER HAPPENED ON OCTOBER 30TH, 2024 DID NOT HAPPEN WHATSOEVER
It's a shock to you that you work with professional athletes, considering you hated sports as a kid. Even now, you still don't know what's going on in hockey. With the players too fast around you, it's hard to keep your eye on one player.
It was the 3rd period, the score being 5-3, the Canucks slowly but surely catching up.
You held your camera in hand, watching the big screen to keep focus... that was until someone catched your eye. You couldn't see his last name, only his face and man was he pretty.
He had green eyes flickered like sunlight within the leaves as he looked up. You could run your hand through his brown locks for days if given the chance.
You shook your head, he was most likely a player on and off the ice. You knew that without a doubt, knowing all about Jack's relationship with women(due to being best friends) but you couldn't help but wonder, would it be different with him?
The fans becoming louder as the game came to a close, the devils capturing the win. You snapped your camera a couple of times towards the devils and secretly took more of the mystery man.
You turned your camera off and it held loosely around your neck as you waited outside the locker room, waiting for Jack to take you home.
You had your back towards the door as you flickered through the photos that you took, your cheeks heating up when you saw the man again. He has a 43 just like Luke but you didn't think anything of it, players share the same numbers all the time. It was just a mere coincidence, right?
"You got all my good sides right?" Jack asked, you quickly turned the camera off.
"Jesus Jack, warn me next time gosh." You hit him on the shoulder.
He only shrugged in response. "Can't really text in the locker room."
You rolled your eyes. "You're actually an idiot."
"Only act like it to make you look smart." He muttered under his breath.
"And what are you two arguing about now?" Luke approached the two of you.
"They called me an idiot!" Jack exclaimed.
"They must have been reasonable to do so." Nico chuckled as he walked past you three. "Don't kill eachother please!"
"Make no promises cap!" You snapped a photo as he looked back at you with a smile.
"Oh Y/N! We want you to meet someone." Luke began to drag your arm in the other direction.
"And before you groan out a half assed reply, I think you'll really like him." Jack added.
You were now beginning to regret telling Jack that you wished you could put yourself out there again considering you haven't been on a date in two months due to your conflicting schedule.
"Do you two know him or-" You looked between the two of them.
"Oh yeah we do." Jack answered. "Very well."
"What does that even mean?" You narrowed your eyes at him, Jack chuckles in reply.
"Trust me, you'll like him." Luke eased your worries.
You finally stopped and Luke dropped your hand as you realized.
"He plays for the canucks? They just lost tonight. I'm sure the last thing he would want to do is go on a date with someone that works for the devils." You explained.
"Well he likes us and we play for the devils sooooooooo you'll brighten up his mood. Ha get it cause you're a photographer and the camera flashes." Jack stopped explaining the joke when he was met with your stern face.
Luke cleared his throat. "There he is now."
You snapped your eyes to the door and realized that was the man that took your breath away moments before just as he is doing now.
"Y/N this is Quinn, our brother. Quinn this is Y/N, the person we've been telling you about." Jack introduced the two of you.
"Brother? He's your brother?!? You guys never told me you had a brother!" You made a mental note to swear at Jack later, with no audience.
"Oops?" Luke giggled. "See Quinn, look they're a photographer. Show them some photos you took tonight." He encouraged.
You quickly shook your head. "No I couldn't possibly do that, I-I mean I still have to edit them and wait..." You looked down to your neck strap and saw that your camera was gone and in Jack's hands.
All three hughes brothers looking at the photos.
"Wait no!" You exclaimed but it was already too late you assumed, Jack was looking at you with a knowing look while Luke and Quinn were shocked.
"How come he gets all his good angles and I don't even one photo?" Luke asked you, in a mocking tone.
"I was distracted," You looked away, embarrassed.
"Yeah because you were too busy looking at our brother." Jack remarked, jokingly.
You rolled your eyes. "I didn't know he was your guys brother."
"I think these look nice, thank you." Quinn finally spoke, looking you in the eyes.
"Oh um you welcome. It's nothing really, it's just kind of my job." You shrugged.
"Then you most definitely picked the right career choice." He smiled softly at you.
Jack and Luke were nowhere to be seen, seemly left the two of you alone for a while.
Your face flushed at his words, he held the camera in his hands handing it out for you.
"You're gonna need this to edit all those photos of me." He joked.
"And I'm gonna need your number to send you all those photos." You held the camera and its neck strap, putting it in your bag.
"Well that was bold, Y/N." He chuckled not nonetheless gave you his phone so you can type out your number, he sent you a quick text.
"It was nice meeting you Quinn, it's getting late. I would head home but Jack seemed to have disappeared." You looked around.
"I can take you home." He offered. "He obviously went to the bar with the team."
You looked up at him and smiled. "I would like that."
#luke hughes#nhl imagine#nhl#nhl hockey#nhl players#jack hughes#verycoolusername1#quinn hughes#vancouver canucks#qh43#brock boeser#elias pettersson#quinn hughes imagine#quinn hughes x reader#quinn hughes blurb#quinn hughes fanfiction#new jersey devils#nico hischier#dawson mercer#jesper bratt
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Im neither a proshipper nor an anti at this current stage in life, but at one point i was an anti i guess? And I hate it say it, but looking back, I understand why. I don't think I actually gave a fuck about Harmful Fanfic or whatever, it was just a substitute for therapy that i couldn't get at the time (because "literally neurodivergent and a minor" or whatever, but like...actually literally neurodivergent and a minor LOL).
As weird as it sounds like, no one cared about my ACTUAL PAIN, and that made me feel EVEN MORE PAIN, so i took it out on ppl who shipped "abuse", or whatever.
It's so stupid now, as an adult who is mentally better than I was then, but as ridiculous as it was, seeing someone ship an "abusive" ship or a "queer erasing ship" (like a canonically gay character with someone of the other binary gender)...it felt eerily similar to the actual abuse I was facing and the stress that everyone was putting on me to find a boyfriend or ask why my (closeted lesbian) self didn't like any boys.
But it was so much easier to keyboard warrior about how people who ship Bad things are Bad people, than it was to fix any problems in my actual life because...well, the actual problems in my life COULDN'T be fixed. That isn't a learned helplessness thing, there was genuinely nothing I could've done. So pissing off Shippers was, like, a vessel for that, and it *felt* like I was getting to lash out at the same people who were ACTUALLY hurting me, even though that obviously is not the case. Funny thing is, it wasn't actual fandom discourse that made me switch sides, it was getting to learn more about youth liberation movements and stuff, because it was then that I recognized the actual structures that were making me hurt.
I think one silver lining is it's made me more compassionate an adult. While I don't have any defense for the antis who do actual horrendous stuff like doxxing or sending death/rape threats, etc, I do have a lot of defense for the ones who were like me and would just make posts talking about how Wrong it is to ship certain things. I know that not all antis are in the same place that I was once was, and some are just genuinely immature brats, but it's like. . . I get it, you know?
The cycle of abuse/bullying is weird and it's not often a 1:1 "I had an abusive parent so now i'll be an abusive parent", sometimes it's the chronically online stuff like I did. It's also why I'm careful-careful to not engage and to just block or, even try to have a mature discussion if I can, and if the person I'm talking to is just "a little bit annoying" rather than "actual bully doing/sending illegal stuff". A lot of them just want to be heard, I think, and it really makes me sad that this is the way they choose to be heard...but also i get it, because i was that.
--
Yup. We often discuss anti tendencies in this framework.
People want control over their environment when they have none. They want the world to make sense and for there to be simple rules they can follow to Never Mess Up. This is a very common reaction to trauma and also typical of brains that like order and neat boxes and a world full of justice and logic.
The trouble is that a critical mass of "I'm just pointing this out" type posts does tend to make all the other teens with an issue around moral scrupulosity implode. (And let's be real, plenty of the antis themselves are secretly into dark content and are trying to pray the gay kink away.)
I have some sympathy, but I'm still going to tell people they're sealioning when they are and tell them they're flat out wrong about how fantasies work, not sugar coat it because they're probably a delicate teen. There's no need to be excessively mean or treat people as irredeemable, but I also don't like how we talk endlessly about compassion for teen antis and not for teens targeted by antis. It's similar to how there are all those complaints like "Hey, I work hard to manage my mental illness, but all the support seems to go to people who are letting their issues rampage..."
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This might be weird but bare with me: i saw some fanart of valtor and his mamma bears (I'm sorry), he was freshly made and a child still for some reason (idk if it's canon at this point that he was made in adult form or not buuuut) and so it's shown how they don't like him but at the next panel he wants their makeup so tharma and lysliss give him a makeover and at the end belladonna says i think we'll find a use for that pretty face. What i started thinking was if it's possible they used him as a pr0stitute at some point besides all the torture they put him through. My brain today is fixated on how much trauma or ptsd he could possibly have. Now that i write it i sense how weird this is but what do you think?
My friend my dude my brother in fandom, I am but a humble bacteria and u have given me the juiciest slimiest tastiest agar plate imaginable. Letâs get INTO THIS!
(For the record, this is purely fanon. I think Iâve alluded to this headcanon of mine in fics but I am well aware that I have little to no evidence from canon for these assumptions.)
ABSOLUTELY I think that Valtor was used for getting into royal's beds. Though I do think it would have been more complicated than simply âhis moms are whoring him out cause they hate him and they want stuff from peopleâ â and I think there are some FASCINATING implications that has for both Valtor's personality as a whole, and his relationship to sexuality and his own body.
First of all, the reason why I think you are correct is simple: he seems to be universally regarded as attractive in-universe, to the point of having even the Trix fawning over him, and he is consistently seen using charm and flattery to get others to do what he wants. If you wanted to expand on this in a darker and more mature setting, the logical conclusion would be that he'd use his body the same way. And I do think he would do that entirely of his own will by the way, no coercion necessary! Though there most certainly was coercion.
That ties a little bit into my view on the Ancient Coven's relationship to each other in general. While we do see Valtor and the Ancestresses at odds with each other in the finale (culminating in the Witches âdisinheritingâ him and reverting him to his monster form), the fact that they seem to have worked successfully together for AT LEAST a good few decades implies they could be cordial when necessary. Plus, Valtor somewhat wistfully recalls working under them with Griffin, smirking and content in the flashback, makes me personally believe they were genuinely GOOD at cooperating too, instead of the Witches relying solely on tyranny. Donât get me wrong: there is no way they were a happy family. I'm thinking more along the lines of them playacting as a very harmonious coven, doting creators and loyal creation, like a game that every one of them is in on â a performance, just for funsies, and because none of them want the outside world to see them as anything but perfectly aligned and ruthlessly efficient. All that while also having a sort of spiteful, vengeful arms race going on internally, with Valtor not-so-secretly trying to find ways to overthrow them, and them waiting for him to lean out of cover too far so they can gleefully, brutally remind him who's in charge.
There's a deep, deep, deeply rooted resentment Valtor seems to have for them, but they are also objectively the same: They both want power, they both want to control the Dimension, they both would do anything to accomplish that goal. So if there was a situation in which having someone charming on the inside would help them, I think both Valtor and the Witches would come to the conclusion that Valtor could do whatever necessary to accomplish that. Be it charm someone, poison someone, or sleep with someone in the hopes they might spill some secrets. I consider all four of them to be pretty pragmatic, I donât think there would be any conflict or hesitation here â not at first.
Because while Valtor would certainly agree that thatâs the best approach, and probably be more than willing to get out of their sight for a while and live it up in some palace or another, I do think it would chafe at him eventually. Whether he's using his body to fight people or seduce them is not all that different, both happens at their behest. He's always painfully aware that he is their tool â but I imagine it does get more pronounced with the latter. Especially over time. Your taste in people or attraction does not matter in combat, but certainly plays a role in sex. While Valtor certainly seems to enjoy putting on a show in combat, that is a power play, whereas having to play a long con, with himself so heavily involved no less, can start to feel humiliating, tiring, more like a loss of agency than a game of wits. I donât think itâs the seduction itself that would bother him, but the clear knowledge that he's just following his creator's plans here, puppeteered even in this aspect of his life.
The result of that in the present day of the s3 era wouldnât be sexual trauma per se, I would headcanon. Not in the ptsd sense at least. (Though I bet a good fic could convince me otherwise :D) I remain a firm believer that his trauma is purely about his lack of control over his physical form, and a revulsion towards his original body that borders on dysphoria. The sexual aspect of his utility to them would ADD to that, donât get me wrong, but it wouldnât be the main source.
It DOES influence him though.
I'm thinking mainly about Valtor's interactions with the Trix here. On multiple occasions he secretly witnesses how they argue or straight up brawl over who gets to have him. None of them even thinks about who he might have shown the most interest in, they treat this solely as a contest of strength, winner takes all. (I donât think thatâs them being rapey btw just to be clear. I see it speaks more to them being juvenile and deeply unserious about romantic relationships, like dogs chasing cars. They donât care enough about people beyond the three of them to have any actual experience with romance: Darcy's fling with Riven was discarded INSTANTLY once the three had something better to entertain them â like world domination. If one of them had âwonâ only to get ignored or rejected, the other two would have laughed her out of the room and then they would have done it all over again the next day.) im getting distracted. What I meant to get to is that Valtor sees them acting like he's a prize to be won⌠and he does not react at all. The first time he finds it mildly entertaining, the next few times the bit seems to get old for him already. Thatâs it. He encourages their possessiveness of course! He clearly enjoys being feared, admired, or simply the center of attention, but being treated without regard for his own desires doesnât really register as an insult to him. AND he's shown to be pretty unperturbed with Darcy getting into his space, and flirting rather aggressively with him.
And while that may seem anticlimactic after all that, I find that FASCINATING. (Not just because Winx Club consistently writes men â powerful men! â the way female characters would be treated in another show. An essay of its own!) A non-reaction is still a reaction, and Valtor's lack of irritation says a lot in my opinion. I think he has little to no real boundaries, at least outside of combat or with people that are allies/useful to him. By that I donât mean he would reject someone's advances if he didnât welcome them, but that he wouldnât really remember that this is a point where people usually DECIDE whether they welcome the advances or not, u know what I mean? I think his entire sense of self is pretty nebulous to himself, and that his own body seems to him more like a commodity than, well, him. Which makes sense, doesnât it? He is created as one thing, for one purpose, and then given another body, for another purpose. He prefers to be human, reviles the monstrous form, but has no control over which one he is at any given moment â the people who do could change their minds on a whim. It would make sense for him to feel somewhat alienated from his physical form, and therefore have little care for what happens to it. It would take him far longer to know his own reactions, and to realize whether he enjoys something or not.
I feel like Iâve only managed to put like, half of what's in my head into words here. The dysphoria thing alone feels like something that should be dissected on its own, but Iâm dead tired and this post is already pretty long. I will say that Iâm not 100% consistent in this headcanon, and depending on the fic I use some of this and some of that, but I do think itâs one of my most favorite reads on Valtor as a character. Thank you so much for this ask!!! I hope the answer is close to what you hoped for lol
#asks#winx club#winx valtor#winx meta#Iâd be DELIGHTED to hear your take on this though!!! or what effect it would have on his character if the situation was more like u said#with even less agency for Valtor or straight up against his will
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Without getting weird and rude, can someone explain to me why we, as the left, have come out of this election thinking "aha! Now the Democratic establishment will learn to listen to us!" or "if the dems would have accomadated all of our views they would have won"?
What I took out of this election is that we are in a serious echo chamber and not in touch w the 'average' American voter. Like when was the last time anyone in our bubble has mentioned listening to Joe Rogan (the biggest podcast in our country and who's platform helped Trump a lot), when was the last time an irl 'normie' knew who our leftist talking heads are, like contrapoints or hasanabi or fd signifier? (and omfg don't come at me for whatever weird controversy they may have they are simply the biggest leftist names I could think of)
And then, on top of that, why should the liberals even think we exist? Seriously. We're loud online, but we don't show up for elections. I'm not even talking about this one, I'm talking about how Bernie, the most mainstream politician to ever adopt our views, got stomped even harder in the 2020 primary than he did in 2016 (literally lost by millions of the popular vote and he does terribly in swing states, which are key requirements to winning elections), so we can't even turn out in great enough numbers to elect our ppl. And I'm not saying this to blame leftists- I'm saying this bc I don't think our numbers are as big as we think they are. I don't think we are a large enough portion of the American voter base to invest in the idea that if we just got what we wanted we would turn out in big enough numbers to win a national election for our candidate.
I feel like somewhere along the lines we got it in our heads that we don't need to sell our ideas to the populace. That because we have science and data and history to back up our ideas, we don't have to play the politics game and accomadate centrists or liberals, and that our numbers are secretly so big that if someone just spoke for us they would win an American presidential election. But like, you know the rest of the country thinks our policies, as they are presented, are insanely radical and out of touch, right? A lot of Americans thought Kamala herself was radical, meanwhile ppl here call her blue maga. (also anyone who isn't on the left thinks that liberals and leftists are one. I hate to break it to you but they literally do not conceptualize us as different from dems).
So anyway, yeah, if someone could show me why some of the online left thinks that Harris lost bc she wasn't left enough I would greatly appreciate it. Because I don't see any voter evidence that would make one think that we are a winning political demographic that can carry an election.
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"Why does he keep aiming for that spot?!"
Batman lay face down on the ground, groaning in pain. His groin throbbed painfully from two brutal kicks delivered by Lex Luthor's nearly steel-toed boot, nestled within that ridiculous suit of his.
Superman stood nearby, sympathetic to his friend's plight but secretly grateful it wasnât him on the receiving end.
Superman (comfortingly): So, uh, you doing okay, B?
Batman: He kicked me in the groin twice with that damn suit. You think I'm doing okay?
Superman: It can't be that bad, can it?
Batman growled in response, still writhing in discomfort. He was familiar with the idea of turning pain into strength, but this was an entirely different matter. Lex relished seeing the caped crusader in such distress.
Lex: Ah ha! Look at me, I've got the upper hand on Batman!
Superman (pointing at Batman): All youâre doing is kicking him in the crotch! Thatâs a low blow, literally!
Batman (deadpan): I hate you right now for saying that. And I hate Lex for putting me through this.
Lex: Well, that's what he gets for thwarting my plan to eliminate you! Heâs lucky all I did was kick him where it hurts. With a limp dick like that, I canât imagine he gets much action anyway.
Batman groaned and struggled to his feet. Fueled by frustration, he lunged at Lex, but the villain seized his fist and swiftly delivered a third kick to his groin. Batman whimpered and fell forward.
Batman (with a heavy sigh, fighting back tears): Oh God, that hurt even more than the first two!
Superman (glaring at Lex): Dude seriously, knock it off! That's the lowest type of fighting. I rephrased it for you, best buddy.
Batman (weakly, eyebrow twitching): Don't call me that while we're in the middle of a fight!
Lex: Youâre losing this fight, Batman. Youâre so stubbornâjust stay down, you weak beta! Unlike me and my super suit!
Batman rose to his feet once more, refusing to give up, which made Superman groan in embarrassment as he shielded his eyes. Lex retaliated with a punch that sent Batman sprawling backward. Undeterred, Batman charged again, only to be knocked down once more. Superman quickly sidestepped, narrowly avoiding a collision with Batman as he crashed to the ground for the second time.
Superman (frustrated): Batman, can we team up to fight him already?!
Batman (on his knees, gasping): Just... give me a minute.
Lex (annoyed): Ugh, he is persistent.
Superman: You have no idea. Heâs actually a really decent guy once you take the time to know him.
Lex: Doubtful.
Superman: Heâs usually calmer than this, but you did insult some of his family. Thatâs a sensitive topic for him.
Lex (uninterested): Donât care, Superpussy.
Superman rolled his eyes. Batman, clearly in agony, mustered the strength to spring to his feet one last time, but it quickly became apparent that Lex was enjoying this brutal exchange as he kicked him in the crotch for a fourth time. Batman was regretting not adding a codpiece to his suit.
Superman: Can we call for a time-out before he makes himself infertile?
Lex laughed and, with a triumphant nod, walked away. Superman approached Batman, who lay on the ground, desperately trying to suppress his screams.
Of course! Hereâs the revised version with "dick" included:
Batman (pained confusion): He keeps kicking me in the dickâwhy? Why does he keep kicking me in the dick?!
Superman: He just doesnât like you. Welcome to the Lex Club. But I think I have a good idea.
Batman (with fierce indignation): If you suggest you hit him really hard, I swear Iâll kick you in the dick with kryptonite shoes!
Superman: Well, we could... hit him really hardâ
Batman growled in pain, doubled over.
Superman (nervous smile): Together?
Batman (with reluctant resignation): Whatever.
--- Three hours later ---
Wonder Woman laughed hysterically as Batman, now out of his suit, iced his groin while lying flat on the floor. Unfortunately, the ice didnât take away the pain.
Batman (groggy): This is not funny!
Wonder Woman: Iâm sorryâno, Iâm not! I canât believe he kept targeting your crotch. Why didnât you stop charging at him after the second kick?
Batman (weakly): Because the Batman doesnât go down easily!
Wonder Woman: Or because youâre the type of man to engage in a dick-measuring contest with a villain. And he wasnât even one of yours!
Her laughter only intensified as Batman scowled, frustrated that she had a point. He certainly didnât want Lex to get away with his jibes about Nightwing.
Wonder Woman: What happened to your pre-planning?
Superman: He was pretty enraged, to be honest. But at least we finally took him down together. I told you hitting him really hard would work!
Wonder Woman (still chuckling): I love that you risked your normal bathroom habits and the chance of having kids just because you didnât want to let Superman help you.
Batman remained silent, choosing to lay there, engulfed in both pain and embarrassment.
#lex luthor#bruce wayne#clark kent#don't worry everybody his penis is okay#batman#superman#batman and superman#microfiction#flash fiction#batfamily comedy#batfamily#batfamily chronicles#batfamily shenanigans#headcanon batfamily#batfamily headcanons#batfamily microseries#batfamily fanfiction#script fic#part of my batfamily flash fiction#batfamily fic#batfamily funny#batfamily fluff#dc fanfiction#batfamily chronicles flash fiction#batfamily flash fiction#wonder woman#yes this was inspired by Dragon Ball Abridged
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This isn't, like, the biggest deal, but I do find it funny when people are almost... surprised or shocked that converts unironically believe in judaism and also unironically align themselves with jewishness. It's just something I've seen a small handful of times and it's like... of course I (and others!) unironically believe in this stuff. I'm not putting in this work because I don't have enough going on in my life
#jumblr#jewish conversion#jew by choice#personal thoughts tag#the shock is mostly (ime) 'wait you actually believe that??' in a weird tone#like! yes! i find fulfillment in... much of judaism!! that's what drew me in#it's like some people expect us to be like... secretly xtian or secretly not believe in judaism for nefarious reasons??#like frankly if i wanted an easier time of it i'd just go back to being an ex-xtian agnostic (which i obviously am not)#but judaism fulfills me. i know the happiness i feel is genuine contentment and the feeling of home#but yeah. i do unironically think of jews as my intrinsic equal *and* a people i want to be part of#if i didn't see them/us as equal i wouldn't be here. i do my best to deepen my... allyship?? alliance??? with the people i want to join#and that's something that takes a lot of time and effort and it's something that's important regardless#i often don't find this stuff offensive but it makes me wonder what they think converts are... converting to? why wouldn't we believe this?#like ik it's complex but at the same time it's a matter of... i'm aware of my own intentions for conversion and it has nothing to do...#...with my past as an 'xtian.' it has nothing to do with tricking people or being bored or whatever else might be nefarious like that#xtian in quotes because i don't think i ever was one though i was raised in that environment by people who *were* xtian
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I wish I were normal :[
#idk I just wish I was normal kid who lived a normal life#and no it isn't epic different like I'm not secretly a magical girl who fights evil (that'd be so cool though I'd be down)#I mean like.isolated and not allowed to interact with people different#just sucks hearing everyone around my age going out with their friends or having sleepovers or just like.going out and enjoying life#meanwhile I'm stuck in my house with a strict mom who doesn't want me to make any irl friends#âyou won't keep the friends you make anywayâ SO??????#AT LEAST LET ME EXPERIENCE HAVING THEM#AND LET ME LEAVE THE HOUSE!!!!!#I don't like talking abt this bcz I don't want ppl to feel bad for having what I wish I had#I mean.it's not their fault my mom is super strict and controlling#so I try to refrain from bringing it up or posting abt it but it is REALLY affecting me right now for whatever reason :'D#so I just had to get something out abt it. I feel like I've kept that in for too long#vent
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I think of so many stupid shenanigans between Wriothesley and his daughters in the Addison Lee verse. They tell Wriothesley crazy shit all the time, their daddy-daughter secrets, and it drives Neuvillette nuts that Wriothesley won't snitch.
Sigewinne, whispering into his ear: Today at school I punched a boy because he was being mean. I waited until it was recess, and made sure that no one was watching, and I punched him. Everyone knows he is a liar, so noooo one believed him when he cried about it. And Sigewinne is aaaalways a superstar so Mr Vautrin didn't suspect a thing !
Wriothesley, mildly concerned: Uh huh.
Sigewinne: Papa would say Sigewinne has to be nice to everyone, but, Sigewinne thinks bullies need to get punched sometimes, b'cos, b'cos otherwise, they think everyone is just gonna let them be mean
Wriothesley: Y'know what. That's fair
#They tend to play with him more than Neuvillette because he can match their energies#but Neuvillette usually is who they'd run to when they#need calmness and comfort#at night. when they're all asleep. Neuv would pin his husband down and be like. Tell me. Tell me the secrets.#and Wriothesley is like Noooooooo snitches get stitches Neuv#obviously if it's serious he'd let him know. but. if Carole comes up to him and is like daddy I secretly put a roach in Mr Vautrin's lunch#he'd be like. Did he think it was yummy?#and Carole is like aheeheeehee noooo don't be silly !! It was a prank and the roach was plastic so he can't eat it anyway#ingital#also vautrin teaches all 3 of their kids#for like. first grade#so he's basically a family friend at this point#I also have this stupid#scene in my head. the Swear Jar. I imagine like swear words in the Wriollette household is a hotly debated topic. because Daddy say it#aaaaaall the time. And Wriothesley doesn't believe in banning words. He explains it to the kids when they ask but he's like. You can be#just as hurtful. if not more. with words that are not considered 'bad'. You can still be mean without saying fuck. The point is to be nice#and daddy is nice isn't he. even if he says bad words sometimes.#but neuvillette is like No. No Bad Words. It is considered socially inappropriate for your age group. When you are older#you can decide if you want to use them. however. there are some rules in the classroom and I do not want you girls to get into trouble.#if you get into the habit of cursing like your dad. it'd be hard to keep away from them when you are in class. and bad words frighten papa#so. I ask that you ladies do not use them.#but like I don't think. they'd Punish the kids. the swear jar isn't even like. a punishment. it is a swear tax. every time you say bad word#you have to pay the swear tax. and whatever's in the jar gets taken out for ice cream or whatever to make papa feel better#[ this is how wriothesley explain it ]#and it leads to stuff like. The girls being considerate to Neuvillette firstly (he isn't actually all that bothered he's more scared#of the social repercussions for the girls. But they think he's Scared Of All Bad Words)#so they'd be like. papa cover your ears. I am going to say frightening words. FUCK YOU TIMMY. and then they pay their swear tax#and when Wriothesley curse in front of Neuvillette. the girls are like stop it. you will frighten papa. pay the swear tax NOW#we must acquire the icecream for papa. lest he gets so frightened he runs away forever. and wriothesley is like oh shit yeah that'd be bad#and theyre like DADDY. STOP IT
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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some people be saying the most batshit insane shit abt travis mcelroy
#dude. just saw 'it's so obvious the other 2 are annoyed and frustrated with him'#like. no? it's not? i dunno what kind of projecting you're doing but i can promise you that griffin and justin don't like#secretly hate their brother and are begging for release.#you can hate travis as much as you want (even though i disagree with that sentiment) i can understand being annoyed by his style or whatever#but i see it all the time of people saying that the other two should just do the show without him etc etc. and look.#maybe u haven't listened to so#the same episodes of mbmbam that i have. but i can hardly think of a single top moment that would be the same without all 3#if u want to see smth with just the other two just watch monster factory. don't make reddit posts about how it's 'so obvious' that#these people you DON'T KNOW. hate their brother. because they don't. sorry#siblings annoy eachother all the time. it's not an irredeemable crime. just listen to something else.#dunno if this is an unpopular opinion or what but i was a mcelroy fan back when taz was releasing and i just caught up to v dracula recently#and trying to look up discussion on the new season led me to a horrible vitriolic cesspit mostly directed at travis. which#(a simple miscommunication btwn travis and griffin that is quickly resolved in-canon without argument)#people: wow can't believe Travis would try and RUIN the game like that griffin clearly wanted to disown him immediately#like#there has to be some misconstruing lense they gotta be looking through. anyway. wtf
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tell me why i'm seeing people saying it's ok for people to drink while pregnant because "it's their choice" what the hell is going on
#yes yes a thousand times yes people can choose to do whatever the hell they want#BUT NOT IN THIS CASE????#like. sib your baby#??? if you want to abort just abort don't just drink your baby dead#what the hell#in response to an AITA where a waiter secretly gave a pregnant woman non-alcoholic drinks despite her ordering alcohol#people were like YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HER TO BOOZE IT'S HER CHOICE. am i on the moon#do people not realize how fucked up fetal alcohol syndrome is#i'm sure stephanie can go a couple months without a martini jesus christ.#like. i'm getting angry reacts on facebook because i said waiter did the right thing#there's white women yelling at me that what the waiter did was gender discrimination#sis... she didn't Not get served alcohol because she's a woman she did because THERES A BABY THAT COULD GET SEVERELY HARMED#and like ofc one of them is a zio. so surprised. truly the people with the correctest opinions
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Come on, you know you want to, give us the character bingo for Viktor.
don't mind if i doooo
#ask me#okay there's a lot going on here but first things first#viktor has transcended the favorite character tier where I want to protect him or whatever#like yeah he did that shit! I support him but I also don't! the more trouble he gets himself into the happier I'll be!#do you feel me#like one of the things I love most about Viktor is that I feel so much sympathy for the circumstances he's in that are out of his control#but he has so much agency in his own story that everything he's gained and accomplished are because he makes choices#and GETS HIMSELF places#and now the same thing is happening with his BAD choices and I find that just as delightful if not moreso#he is the agent of his own salvation and his own destruction and I will be in the front row seat with popcorn for both or either#so writing him is mostly me studying him under the microscope poking him until he does something untoward it's very fun#I only hesitantly say that Viktor is like me but the Balkan ties and the grumpy-but-kind and obsessive personality#and the strong opinions about a chosen STEM field#are inescapable okay#mommy issues is not circled because I have mommy issues but bc I have convinced myself that Viktor WILL have them#if Nikola Tesla is anything to go by#the jayce-mel-viktor trifecta is ruled by mommy issues and i will stand by that claim#also viktor is more interesting with no therapy - with as little therapy as possible would be my preference#WITH THE EXCEPTION of the lonely genius shit that Singed planted in his head#that is absolutely the lie that Viktor believes that he MUST discard in order to progress as a character and I am excited for it#I genuinely think that Viktor will be happier and more eccentric as [REDACTED] but it won't last#he will hit a VERY LITERAL -if thy right hand offend thee cut it off- situation and then he'll have peace but he won't call it happiness#I can't say that I'd hate anyone who hurt him because that is half of why I'm excited for s2#but I will probably lose it at any scene where he loses to [REDACTED] for rivalry reasons#I genuinely do want to see Mel completely own his ass as [REDACTED] though like can you imagine the banter#and both of them secretly having fun with it
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me: *explains why and how they hurt me and why I really didn't want to bring this up because I just broke up with my best friend and favourite person in the whole world and im tired of losing people and being too much but also they really hurt me and I consider them one of the closest people to me and I want to be honest*
them: ...
them: sorry
me: ...
them: *offers no further explanation*
me: ...
them: ...idk what else to say I have no excuse im sorry
me: uh. okay it's fine (I guess)
them: so how are you
me: fine i guess [elaborates]
them: ah.
me: how are you what's up
them: fine.
*20 minutes of extremely painful one sided conversation later*
them: hey I gotta go *doesn't reach out again. for weeks now*
#fuck everyone im so done#im so tired of constantly realizing im carrying all my relationships on my back#and the people i love the most just dont give a shit#like fuck offff if one of my friends told me i was hurting them id do everything to make it right#especially if they were apprehensive but still comunicated clearly instead of just secretly resenting me#and they were already going through a lor#*lot#why do i have the worst taste in friends why are relationships so exhausting#whatever. i lost my best friend and genuinely thought i lost my other best friend for most of last year anyway i can survive this#if you don't care then i dont care#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#they always made fun of me for caring too much anyway. ill give that energy to my friends who actually care back
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining đ
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever đ#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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damn do all the endings of resident evil games suck or is it just the newer ones
#i just finished village#like both it and biohazard have such dumb endings#biohazard is sooo good up until the fucking. exposition boat#and both of these have such obxious final or final adjacent bosses#that feel so out of place#either feeling like an action movie or a zelda boss#which is not good for a survival horror#i think they do the best when it's more close-quarters and puzzle solving#like my favorite sections of this and biohazard are donna and lucas' respectively#but this and biohazard are the only resident evil games i've played#but i've played biohazard many times it's one of my all-time favorite horror games (EXCEPT for that ending)#and overall i did like village quite a bit. the ending i didn't care for and the factory section was a little frustrating#but other than that i mostly had a really good time with it#i got it as a gift pretty soon after it came out but i wasn't able to play it until recently because my old computer couldn't run it#also. a big complaint for me with the ending. is making ethan more than Just Some Guy#because that's something i think is such an essential part of a good horror game for me#making him secretly special or already dead (???) or whatever just kills that for me#this is why outlast is still my favorite horror game of all time. miles is Just Some Guy#anyway i could rant more about this but i don't know if you guys want my Horror Game Hot Takes (tm)#what do you have to say doll?
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