#if you know me i was actually not excited about college i actually didnt even wanted it

[saebaragi]

so i had a panic attack plus an existential crisis saturday, then yesterday i cried at the college fair and this morning i'm stressing over my health and the college thing

[liyatime]

“ spread your legs ” . . | ˙✧˖°📷 ༘ ⋆｡˚ (enjoy!)

📷 pairing ; mark lee x tm!reader

📷 genre ; smut

📷 cw ; male x transmale/cuntboy intercourse , cursing , kissing , cunnilingus , fingering , c in v sex , vaginal descriptions , raw sex (wrap it before you tap it!)

mark lee , one of the smartest kids on your college campus not only happened to be a top student but he was also your boyfriend of a strong 3 years.

he spoils you so much you dont even know it like buying your lunches for you , paying for your dorm rent , and all around spending a ton of money on you. mark also spoils you by taking you on car rides , he drives you multiple places without asking for gas money and often takes you on trips , like today. he called you out to the parking lot during a fairly busy day saying that he wanted to eat out with you.

you walked out the college building with your tote bag on your shoulder that was filled to the brim with books and your laptop. you were on your phone looking for places nearby to eat at when you looked up and saw mark’s navy blue hooded convertible and him waving at you.

you did a light jog towards his car and leaned onto it giving him a peck on the lips. “i didn’t bother you? calling you out of class like this?” he asked unlocking the car. you walked around to the passenger side and got in , “not at all , i’d tell you if it was a problem. honestly i’m kinda glad i got out of there.” you said smiling. he smiled back and started up the car , “i found a place already, it’s not far from here.” mark said , backing up his car and getting on the road.

on the way to the place mark picked out you guys joked around and laughed , talked about school stuff (which was honestly kind of boring) and listened to music. both your music tastes were diverse but you guys enjoyed critiquing each others choices. you guys also looked at the menu of the place and decided ahead of time what you guys should order , most of the options looked delicious but what matters is how it tasted , mark's the only person who's been here before so he told you to wait and that it'd be a surprise.

the both of you soon arrived at a restaurant-type establishment , with the awkward name of it that you couldn't pronounce it must've been french or italian or something.. but before you could step out of the car mark grabbed your hand and locked the doors , "hold on.. i gotta tell you something," he paused and put his fist over his mouth before trying to explain "— i actually brought you here for something else." he said with nervousness in his voice , "you know we haven't been able to like.. do it because were busy , so i brought you to this uh.. place , because if we did it on the college campus a lot of people would find out and i really wanted to try car sex and i didnt know how to tell you and like���" "mark. it's fine , you could've just told me." you said laughing, "you're such a nervous wreck when it comes to sex like we haven't done it before , but in a car? im excited." you said.

"so this is okay? You're right though , i should've just told you.." mark facepalmed. "I told you its fine mark , if anything you made me really horny , having sex in a parking lot feels exciting." he blushed at your words. "really?" "yeah!" you replied "we should.. get in the backseat then right?" he asked. "yeah.." you two were awkward about this , but mostly mark because he thought you'd think he was weird and gross for wanting to have sex in public and tell everyone on campus , so now that you admitted it made you horny he got excited and was ready to fuck you so bad. mark and you lowered the front seats forward so you'd have more room in the back and then hopped in , immediately jumping to making out.

mark ran his hands all over your body , but he was OBSESSED with your waist , he loved holding it especially when he felt jealous or possessive. you smiled as you kissed him. you both slowly moved into a laying position as he unbuckled your belt and unbuttoned your jeans to gain access to your pussy through your boxers. he threw your jeans on the center console along with your belt and and began rubbing your clit through your boxers , feeling how wet you've gotten in the past minute. you moaned and held onto the door behind you , "fuckkk..." you stretched out the word at the feeling of him toying with you , slightly lifting your hips. he soon removed your boxers and looked at the color of your pussy , admiring how it looked when it was soaked in your juices. he placed his hands at the back of your knees and pressed your legs to your chest then licked a stripe up your cunt and placed a wet kiss onto your clit.

you cried out in pleasure. whenever mark ate you out it was amazing , you're the first partner he's ever had with a vagina but he knew exactly what to do. he must've been studying up for your sake. top student on campus , top student at eating pussy. "is this good?" he said , rubbing his thumb up and down your folds. "yeah.. keep going.." you responded out of breath from moaning. mark reached over to his glove box in the front and pulled out a packet of lube , ripping it open with his teeth and spreading it all over your cunt and his fingers. "take a deep breath (m/n).." he said , sliding his middle finger into you slowly and thrusting it in and out. you threw your head back and gripped the door handle , moaning out your boyfriends name and whimpering. "it's alright baby , i got you." he said , leaning over and giving a tender kiss in which you melted into.

mark inserted a second finger into your sopping cunt , "you're so fucking wet.." he said before dipping down and having a make out session with your clit , running his tongue over it and flicking it with his tongue. "mark im gonna cum.." you said biting your lip and putting your hand in his hair. this only made him suck on your clit harder and faster. you couldn't take the pleasure anymore and came so hard , a clear liquid shot out your pussy and onto mark's face and seats. he slid his two fingers side to side on your cunt as you let loose and immediately went back to eating you out. you were so sensitive and he was so hungry.

mark lifted his head back up and started unbuckling his belt and discarding it , taking the rest of the lube in the packet and spreading it all over his cock. he looked at you like he was a fox and you were the rabbit he couldn't wait to devour , his cheeks were red and he was sweating from his forehead. he slid his cock over your clit and between your folds and gave you a hard kiss , rubbing his tongue against yours and pulling on your bottom lip with his teeth. "mark.." you said , reaching your hand forward and rubbing his cock again your entrance. he smirked and took his cock , slowly sliding it into your entrance. your eyes rolled back but before you could let out a moan he took it out teasingly. you honestly werent having it. "put it in..!" you said , rubbing your clit and looking into his eyes. he laughed and inserted his tip back into your cunt , doing this a couple more times until he snapped his hips against yours and started thrusting into you at a fast pace.

mark replaced your fingers rubbing your clit with his thumb as you moaned his name and let out a whimper each time his hips met yours. the only noises in the car were grunting and the sound of skin slapping against skin. "fuckkk (m/n).." he groaned. he watched as your eyes rolled back into your head and you lifted your hips up so his thrusts were angled directly towards your prostate , your head fell onto the car seat and you gripped his arms. "im gonna fucking cum!" you exclaimed. "fuckin' squirt again for me.." mark commanded , after he said that you immediately squirted all over his dick as he pulled out and rubbed your clit. he then put his cock back into your pussy to help you ride out your high. "s..shit.." he stuttered , pulling his dick out and cumming all over your glistening cunt with his mouth wide open. mark was panting and so you , you were both wet and sweaty making the car smell like sex. he'll definitely need to air out the car and buy air fresheners for future purposes.

mark leaned down and made out with you , tracing the sides of your face with his palm and holding you by your waist. "we need to have car sex more often.." he said smiling. you giggled at his joke and held him close , eventually having to let go. "we should go to our dorm and get new clothes.. they're really wet.." you said. "Lets go." he agreed , giving you one last peck on your cheek before putting his soaked clothes back on just for the ride back.

lets hope nobody questions why he smells like that when he walks through the halls.

c/n: HI IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK LONGER THAN I SAID TO PUT OUT! my job has me busy and im still buying furniture for my home , im going for a modern look so i gotta save up and work hard to get what i want!! i noticed i improved in my writing, especially when writing smut because i used to skip the prep parts and it was so bad 😭 . im a virgin so writing smut is a struggle but im always on tumblr so reading others smut fics and studying up on anatomy and how sex like WORKS was a big help to me. i still suck at dialogue but practice makes almost perfect! i hope you guys enjoy this work more than my others, cuz they really suck lol. 💙

[aciddrattboyy]

monster mash

scare!actor bachira appeared in a vision and i had to let it be known or after being stood up on a date, one scare actor meguru spots you and decides to try to fill the spot

bachira x f!reader 🕸 fluff 🕸 wc: 1.7k cw: nothing i dont think, nothing is too descriptive i think i literally use the word gore once, nvm i lied one mention of blood (its fake) a/n: this is me lil story for the poll i made but it prob wont be my only halloween fic cuz i love halloween

🕸

the cold fall breeze did nothing to help your already trembling body. as soon as you stepped out of your house you regretted wearing the tight black dress your date picked out for you. and when you got a message from said date saying he wasnt going anymore when you were already half way to the festival, you regretted it even more. 

you thought about turning back, going home and calling your friends. maybe try to see if there were any parties you all could go to. you wouldve felt bad asking your friends to buy tickets last minute. but you spent a good amount on your ticket and you weren’t about to waste it. 

here you were now, standing in line for a haunted house all by your lonesome. were you a huge fan of haunted houses? no not exactly. but were you about to get every pennys worth of what you paid for? yes of course. you kind of felt stupid about it, feeling a bit stubborn doing this all out of spite. but you weren’t exactly made of money and you had been excited to come here. so you’d persevere. 

meguru strolled out of the ‘crew only’ door, hands in the pockets oh his sweatpants while goosebumps trailed up his arms up until well his t-shirt sleeves ended. observing the ridiculously long line, he silently prayed for his coworkers and hoped their night went… decent.

rummaging through his pockets, meguru grabbed for his earbuds. but he stopped in his tracks when he saw you. arms crossed tightly over your chest as you fidgeted with the hem of your short dress. a smile twitched on the corner of his mouth as he smoothly changed his course, abandoning his walk towards the employee parking lot and making a bee line towards you. he seamlessly slid under the velvet rope, grinning as he stood behind you. 

“what’s a pretty girl like you doing out here by yourself?” 

your eye twitched, twisting around and fully prepared to tell the creep off. but your words faltered when you actually saw megurus face. his smile didnt seem to match what sounded like cat calling. so you relaxed a bit, hoping that continuing this conversation wouldnt end badly.

“being stood up on a date,” you watched as his eyes widened, his smile faltering for just a moment. 

“no shit really?” he barked out a laugh out of surprised. his eyes scanned over you, watching in amusement as you bounced on the balls of your shoes. “damn that sucks.” you scoffed, nodding your head with a less than enthused smile. 

“thanks,” 

“but-” meguru said quickly, taking a step forward when he saw you begin to turn away. “uh if you want i can help you through it, i know the place well,” he said, gesturing to the haunted house youve been waiting to get into for what felt like eons. your eyebrow cocked as you faced him fully, being amused by his attempt to salvage the conversation. 

“are you some kind of adrenaline junkie?” you asked lightly, wondering just how many times he’d gone through it. little did you know it was more than you couldve ever guessed. 

“yes- but im one of the actors here so it would be pretty inconvenient if i didnt know my way around- whats your name? im meguru,” meguru didnt usually tell people about his job. not finding it important enough to talk about most times. was the job fun? most of the time. but it was just an exciting side gig while he made his way through college. but seeing the way your eyes lit up at his words, he felt good about it. 

“you dont look… scary,” you teased, studying megurus features as you moved up the line with him in tow. if you were given a line up of people to guess who were scare actors you probably would’ve picked him last upon first glance. “and its y/n” you added on with a bubbly grin. 

“well yeah i dont have an ax through my chest right now,” he shrugged his shoulders, eyes never leaving yours with a goofy smile on his face. you laughed, a sweet smile settling on your face. you felt like your night was starting to look up just a bit. “but nice to meet you y/n,”

the two of you talked a lot about nothing going through the line. it was surprisingly easy to just chat with him and you hadnt even noticed you were moving with the line until you were basically at the entrance. you looked at meguru with wide eyes when an ear piercing scream could be heard of from inside. 

“dont worry pretty girl i’ll protect you,” he said with a wink, mirroring the smile on your face. as you guys moved towards the entrance, your heart was too busy beating in your ears for you to notice or hear meguru talking to one of his coworkers that were monitoring the line. you were only brought back to reality when meguru linked his arm with yours, rolling his neck. 

meguru usually didnt actually walk through the haunted houses he worked at. the thought of seeing a coworker in the makeup he’s seen been put on them before would probably ruin the mood. but now that he had you, clingly to his side oh so adorably, he was starting to think maybe it would be fun. 

as soon as you walked in you were immediately veiled in eery, cold darkness. adrenaline pumped through your veins as you tried to adjust your vision. you swerved your head, trying to look out for any possible jumpscares. meguru watched as you grew a bit frantic, not wanting to say too much and spoil the fun. there was a faint smile on his lips when he saw you notice the well lit door down the hall. 

while you were relieved, and started making your way to the door, meguru knew that it wasnt the exit. he knew someone was behind that door, patiently waiting for someone like you to open it to jump out and scream. he found your interest in the door amusing considering he was there just a couple hours ago. 

“you might not wanna open that door,” he leaned down to whisper in your ear. he felt bad for ruining the illusion, but you already looked like you were on the brink of collapse and the last thing he wanted was for you to faint. 

you shivered, his warm breath grazing your skin a stark contrast to the cold room you were in. holding on to his arm with both hands now, you let him lead the way, suddenly realizing you were not a fan of haunted houses. 

you got through the majority of the house with almost no incidents. having put your faith into meguru, you screwed your eyes shut. only getting scared by the ambience or someone else’s screams. 

meguru glanced down at you plenty of times as he walked you through. you just looked so cute leaning your head on his with your eyes closed. you had put all your trust in him to get you through and he was going to honor that. 

what meguru didnt know then, was that a bunch of the crew members had been plotting as the two of you walked through, staking out the exit for an impromptu jumpscare. they normally wouldnt do this, they have a job to do after all. but you guys were the last of your grouping so they would have to wait for you to leave before letting more people in anyway. it was sort of a gift to meguru, giving him a scare in a haunted house.

“we’re almost there,” meguru muttered close to your head, his smile growing as he made his way to the exit. your eyes had opened just a bit, relief washing through your body when you could clearly see outside of the haunted house. with a little pep in your step, you sped walked for the exit. 

but that was cut short when a body fell from the roof, almost landing on top of you but staying suspended in the air. you yelped, stumbling backwards into megurus chest. unfortunately for you, he was of no help. his eyes furrowed, his own heart rate starting to pick up. but just as he was about to make sense of it all, two actors jumped in front of you. the special effects were gorey and you thought you were going to vomit. with wide eyes you turned to meguru who was now laughing nervously. 

another body fell, this time hitting the ground with a thud right behind you. you both spun around towards the sound and you could feel a scream bubbling in your throat when you saw a dark liquid seep out from under it. 

under normal circumstances, meguru would laugh that stunt off, knowing exactly how it was done and having pulled it off himself. but having already been caught off guard, it did nothing to calm him down. 

quickly grabbing your wrist, he pulled you through the hallway, blood pumping through his veins as all of the sound effects and screams followed them out. your eyes were tightly shut, not daring to open until you knew you were out of there. 

the oh so slightly warmer autumn air hit you like a truck when you finally got out. your eyes were almost bugging out of your head as you looked at meguru who had the exact same expression. the both of you were breathing heavily, standing there in stunned silence.

“you said you knew-”

“i know i did-”

“so how-,” you took in megurus disheveled state, his genuine look of shock in his face made you giggle. with the adrenaline still flowing through you, you both became a laughing mess, rethinking that just happened in the past 3 minutes. and when you looked into his eyes once more, you werent able to stop yourself from pulling him into a kiss. meguru was quick to reciprocate, holding wrapping his arms around you as your soft lips pressed into his. 

the kiss only lasted mere seconds before you both stepped back in shock. you felt your face start to heat up as his smile only grew wider. 

“woah at least treat me to a caramel apple first,” you laughed softly and meguru could have sworn he felt his heart do a backflip into a split when he looked at you. you took your hand in his, squeezing it once before dragging him deeper into the festival. “i lied actually im more of a funnel cake typa guy,”

i hope you enjoyed !! reblogs/comments are very much appreciated <3

[hella1975]

IM SO MAD

GETTING MY NAILS DONE 🫶🏼

[cannibal-walleye]

SKIZZ DIDNT KNOW IMPULSE WAS A DEMON YET??? I knew be didn't know his name (at leaset. Im like 99% sure he doesnt lol.), but I guess I assumed he knew he was a demon... that actually DRASTICALLY changes things.

Well, obviously he knows now, and.. in actuality it doesn't change too much.. but something tells me skizz would have been fussing over the wellbeing of a certain demon way more if he knew his best friend was one, lol.

Also? Also. I will CRY. do you WANT me to CRY? Impulse is soooo pathetic/aff this chapter. He's such a little guy about one more incident from breaking down and we love him for that. He is the embodiment of every college student ever. Dude just wants a break. (And he should have one. With skizz. Together. Next chapter-)

Everytime there's a chapter I get veryyy happy, and then I finish it and I get ever so slightly sad because that means we're growing ever closer to the end, but then I realize we're not even halfway to the end and I'm happy again with the urge to draw the sillies. The things you do to me/j

I don't actually have anything very meaningful to add here. I'm really just procrastinating my own crushing work, so I should probably get back to that now-

nope, he didn't know! Impulse has been INCREDIBLY secretive about his personal life up until now, giving literally nothing away about himself online. And, btw, Skizz has been similar, both for his own boundaries and to respect Impulse's. ((btw, Impulse also doesn't know that Skizz is an angel))

Also yes, Skizz is empathetic in general, but he definitely would've been even more concerned if he knew Dop was a demon, too. I wonder if that'll come up in any way...

Uhmm, yes. I want you to cry. That is, in fact, my main goal here. I feed off of the tears of orphaned children, I eat suffering for breakfast. Impulse really is super sad tho :( It's only slightly concerning just how much people say they relate to him this chapter rip. We're all fineeee, right guys? As for whether he gets a break next time, do you think him talking to the hot stranger that he made a fool of himself in front of would be very relaxing? I guess you'll have to wait and see (laughs evilly as people continue to cry and cities burn in the background)

I'm so glad you get happy about my chapters!! It delights me how many people are just waiting for them, always excited for the next one. And yea, we're not even close to halfway through, so be excited!! Stay excited!!! ((and if you draw something i certainly wouldnt say no haha u can do it please do it please pretty please ill love u forever-))

That was meaningful!!! Your ask made me so happy :D Yikes on the work, make sure to take care of yourself and take breaks when you can! Health is more important than productivity <3

[flnpushy]

Classic Story...

all birth stories

My old Story: Anna's Birth Struggle Anna had recently graduated and was college bound. Being 18 was fun for Anna and she enjoyed the graduated life. Her boyfriend Tom was also looking forward to college as well, but the two would be separated as they had been accepted to different schools. On the final night before moving away for school, they spent the evening together. Alone. Three months had gone by since the two had been together. Things were going well for him, but no so well for Anna. She was sick most mornings, and just felt off. A couple more weeks went by before she finally called her mom. She told her about her morning sickness and other symptoms. Her mom asked if she had taken a pregnancy test. To that she answered “Are you nuts?” “I’m not pregnant.” A few more days passed, she finally gave in and took a test. The test said she was indeed pregnant. She didn’t believe it so she took another. Same result. She called her mom in disbelief. “Mom I’m Pregnant.” Anna said. “OH my goodness....” Her mother replied. “What about school?” She asked Anna. “I don’t know mom, I don’t know what to do.” Regardless her mom was actually very excited, but Anna was far from excited. She had waited years to go to college and now it was all at risk. She visited the doctor where they confirmed she was about three months along. Much to far to go back now. Anna Couldn’t believe it. A baby? She didn’t want to have a baby! She then had to let Tom know. She didn’t know how he would react. She was very nervous making that call. “Tom, Its me, Your going to be a dad.” Anna said. There was a brief silence on the line.... “Oh my god are you serious?!?” He said excitedly. “Are you mad.” Anna asked. “Of course I’m not mad, Im absolutely ecstatic.” “Why would I be mad Anna, Its my fault your pregnant!” He said. “Oh thank god your happy.” Anna said. “What about our schooling?” “Its ok Anna, we will make it happen no matter what, I’m here for you!” Tom said. Most days Anna had morning sickness and other issues. Pregnancy was not easy for her. Anna was a petite brunette. She was small overall. She has a small frame, tiny arms, and she was only 5 foot 2. She was still just a girl in reality, but she now was going to become a woman faster then she had ever imagined. She continued her studies as best she could. Eventually the ninth month had arrived. Annas belly was like a basketball protruding from her body. Anna knew she would birth at home as this was her wish. Her mom Mary had been preparing thier home for months. Everything Mary could afford to get she got in preparation for the birth. Finally summer break arrived and a very pregnant Anna returned to her home, and Tom did to. One morning Anna awoke early to pains in her belly. This wasnt unusual for her as the baby frequently moved around in her belly causing discomfort. These pains were different however. She felt around the top of her belly. She could feel a little baby foot squirming around within her. Anna was grossed out by the babies movements, she didnt like the idea that a baby was inside her. She was ready to be done, ready to give birth and be back to being a normal girl again. Anna prepared a breakfast and joined her boyfriend Tom on the front porch for a Saturday morning conversation. Tom asked how Anna was doing and knew that she was in some type of pain. “I think it may be happening.” Anna said “Ok honey, lets get things ready.” Tom replied. Tom prepared her bed with clean sheets and comfortable pillows. He also layed out towels in the bathoom and on the bed to catch fluids during the birthing process. A couple hours later Anna was in real pain, labor had begun and her belly squirmed wildly as the baby moved toward the birth canal. The contractions were sharper and shaper and it wasnt long before Anna was really hurting. She layed sprawled out on the couch, trying her hardest to bear

through each contraction. She was wearing a light shirt, bra, and panties. She fought the pain as best she could, but still yelped in pain with each contraction. Tom had read up on birth and was going to school to be a doctor. He figured this would be a good training opportunity.

“My poor baby girl.” Tom said, sitting beside her. Anna continued to struggle through the pain. Anna entered transition, this was the worst pain she had ever faced. “Oh my god, oh oh oh, help me, ahhhhhhh” Anna yelped. She continued her struggle. Till finally transition had ended. The baby was now low in her belly and engaged in her pelvis. “Ok its time to check your cervix to see if you can push.” Tom said Anna sat upon the bed and Tom inserted a finger to check Anna. “Good girl Anna, your right on the money, 10 centimeters!” “So now what do I do?” Anna asked. “Time to push that baby out hun!” Tom replied. “Im scared.” Anna said. “I know baby girl, but its so close to being done now.” Tom said. Anna endured another couple of contractions. She was ready to get over to the bed, but the next contraction brought a tiny gush of fluids. “Whats happening!?!” Anna shrieked. “Your water broke baby, The baby is coming now!” Tom replied. Anna and Tom went to the bed, Anna waddled as it was so strange to her having so much pressure between her legs. They arrived at the bedside. Anna took off her shirt, bra, and panties, then climbed into bed. “Wow look at my beautiful baby girl” Tom said. “You are so beautiful.” “Ok how do I do this.” Anna asked. Tom put several pillows behind his pregnant girlfriends head, he put an absorbent pad under her butt as well. “Lift your butt baby.” Tom said as she slid the pad underneath. “Ok now we wait for a contraction and you push.” Tom said. “I will teach you how to push.” Tom stated. Tom put a finger in her opening. “Feel my finger?” Tom asked. “Yes.” Anna replied. “Ok when a contraction comes, your push like your having a bowel movement right at this spot.” He said “Ok” Anna replied. It was time to put her newly acquired knowledge to the test. A contraction came. “Ok baby, pull your legs up toward your chest and push like your pooping.” Tom instructed. Anna pulled back her little legs and pushed. “Grrrrr.” she grunted out. She then stopped. “Good girl Anna.” Tom said. “Hold those pushes good and long.” Tom stated. Anna pushed again. “mmmmmm grrrrrr ahhhhhh.” She grunted hard. The contraction ended. “Good girl baby!” Tom said. “Now relax.” “How many pushes will I have to do?” Anna asked. “Could be a few minutes, could be a few hours babe.” Tom said. “A FEW HOURS!” Anna yelled. “Yes baby, pushing a baby out is a long process. Your young and small, The baby has to stretch you out to get free.” Tom said. “You will be ok. Just breath and relax.” Another contraction came.

“Ok baby girl, here goes.” Tom said. Anna pulled back her legs and grunted. She pushed good and hard this time, curling her little toes in protest of the pain. “Good push girl! And again!” Tom said. Anna pushed again and again till the contraction was over. “Ok babe, lets see what we can see.” Tom said. Tom used both hands to open her opening. He poked around a bit. ‘“Ok girl, heres a contraction, push hard.” He said Anna pushed with all her strength. “Ohhhh!!! We have something here!” Tom said. “I see something!” Tom said again. “We have a little baby head!” “I wanna see the baby!” Anna said. Tom grabbed a large mirror and placed in in front of her, she then pulled back her opening once more. “Ok push hard and watch the mirror” Tom said. Anna pushed, in the tiny little back of her opening a tiny spot of hair was visible. As the push stopped the spot went away. “Where did my baby go?” Anna asked. “Back in your tummy.” Tom said. “Why in my tummy, I want her out!” Anna stated. “Birth is a two steps forward, one step back process baby. The baby will come out a bit, then go back in a bit, remember she is stretching you out so she can get free.” Tom said. “ I want her out!” Anna said. “Honey, she will come out, you have to push her out. “ Tom said. Anna dropped her legs as the contraction ended. Tom grabbed more pillows as it was a struggle for Anna to push and hold her legs open. He put pillows under Annas legs to support them. Then another contraction came. Anna moaned as she pushed, she struggled and quivered. Her perineum however was starting to bulge a bit with each push. “I’m uncomfortable.” Anna said. “Change positions honey, you have the whole bed.” Tom said. “Try side laying, I’ll support your upper leg when you push.” Anna slowly moved from laying on her back to laying on her side. Her cute little Belly touching the mattress. Another contraction came. Tom supported her upper leg as she began to push again. Anna dug deep and bored down with all her strength, the perineum slowly bulged outward. As the push ended the perineum bulge disappeared. The contraction continued so Anna pushed again. Once again the bulge appeared, and then slowly disappeared as the push ended. “Good girl Anna, your making her move in there!” Tom said. “With every push your helping the baby escape from your womb.” Tom laid down first and let Anna lie down on his lap. He did this to comfort Anna and help her push the baby out. The mirror was positioned so that Anna and Tom could see the progress. Little did Anna know this was just the beginning of the battle. Another round of contractions Hit Anna. Assisted by her boyfriend she began pushing again. Anna drew back her legs and let out a push. She curled her toes as she pushed, her Tummy shook and quivered as she pushed hard to free the baby. Her perineum bulged as she continued to push the baby. The next push brought the bulge out further. It was becoming evident that the baby's head was close to the opening. A few moments later another push came over Anna. She strained and struggled, but her efforts were awarded. She pushed again, the perineum bulged farther this time. Anna continued to struggle, however she was about to be rewarded. As in her vulva, a tiny tuft of hair protruded. “Good Girl baby!” We can see that little Head! Tom said.

As the push came to an end the tuft of hair receded from view. The contraction ended. Anna relaxed in between the waves. Less than a minute later the next contraction started. Tom assisted Anna in drawing her legs back. Anna pushed with all of her strength. The tiny tuft of hair appeared in the opening once more.

“Reach down and touch the baby.” Tom said Anna reached down with her hand, and for the first time touched her baby's head. “Ewww its slippery and gross!” Anna said. Tom just laughed. The next contraction started. Anna Drew back her legs once more and pushed. The baby's head became slightly more visible this time. However as the push ended the baby's head drew back inside of Anna’s tummy. She was so close, but yet so far. When pushing she could see her baby, but the battle was far from over. “Ok baby girl, the next stage is the tricky one. The babies head will fight your perineum to get out. When you push the head will come out, but when you stop it will roll back. The perineum skin will hold the baby inside of you. You must overcome this skin to get the baby out.” Tom instructed. It was time for Anna to dig deep. Her baby's head was stuck in between her legs, and only she could free it. It did not matter how much assistance her boyfriend gave her, it was totally up to her to give birth to the babies head. Anna knew that Tom could not pull the baby from within her. It had to be done on her own. The next contraction came. Anna's Little body strained as she began to push. Below her belly the tiny baby Head was starting to emerge. It seemed so much more fluid in her. The head was more responsive to her pushing now. Even a tiny push had a reaction on the baby. Tom layed behind her and watched the action unfold in the mirror. He was so proud of what his girl was doing, and slightly aroused. Anna pushed again which revealed the baby's head once more, however as she stopped the head receded back in. The battle between baby and skin had begun. Every push moved the head into the opening, but at the end of every push the baby went back inside of Annas tummy. The battle continued. Anna pushed down hard, the baby responded this time, and the head protruded quite far. However with the end of the push the baby went back into her tummy. Anna made tiny moaning sounds as she pushed hard to free her baby. She needed a position change to see if she could push the head free in a different position. Lying on her back was obviously getting her nowhere as the baby continued to go in and out. She once again switched to side lying. Tom supported her upper leg as she pushed. The baby's head came into view then slowly rolled back in as Anna stopped pushing. The little baby head was not coming anytime soon. It's almost as though the baby preferred Annas tiny little Tummy. Anna continued to struggle, but the babies head remained firm in her. It had now been two hours since Anna began pushing. She had made good progress, but the babies head was still within her. The baby had made an appearance several times, but refused to stay in the opening. Anna's Young perineum skin just was not allowing the baby to come forth. Anna was becoming desperate. She wanted the baby out of her badly but no matter how hard she struggled the head would not come free. Still on her side she began to wiggle her tiny hips back-and-forth. “Good girl Anna. Move those hips, it may help her out.” Tom said. “Follow your instincts.” Anna resumed another push. As she wiggled her hips back and forth the baby's head started to make more headway. The tiny tuft of hair head become the top of the babies skull. A tiny teardrop shape was starting to happen. Anna's perineum skin was finally starting to stretch. “Good job baby girl, wiggle that tummy and get that baby out!”Tom said. “Uhh, uhgrrrm, ooh god, mmmmm.” Anna moaned as she pushed. Anna was getting tired And frustrated. It was time for an all out massive push. “Im going for it.” Anna said. “Hold me open.” Anna waited for the next contraction to set in, Tom held her opening below to allow more space for the babies head. Anna breathed in any gathered all of her strength. She dug her feet into the mattress, strained as hard as she possibly could and let out the biggest push she had

ever done. She wiggled from side to side as she pushed. The baby's had came far into the opening. The furthest it had been yet. Even a small portion of the babies forehead was visible. However at the end of her massive push, the babies went back inside the tummy. “Wow honey, I was for sure that would have her out!” Tom said.

“I dont think I can get her out.” Anna stated. “You can honey, I will coach you.” Tom said. Tom began the coaching. He came around from behind her to assist the perineum in opening. “Ok baby, hard push.” Mary said “1 2 3 4 5... “good let go.” Tom continued coaching her for another 15 minutes. The baby's head continued into yo-yo action. Slowly coming visible with the push, and receding back in with the end. Finally after a few more pushes the head was starting to come forth far into crowning. Even though the baby's head was starting to crown, at the end of the push the head was still receding into Anna's tummy. Tom continued to coach his girlfriend, but the head refused to come free. The perineum skin was still fighting to keep the baby inside. No matter how hard Anna pushed the baby continued to recede in at the end. Tom assisted her by pulling back the skin as she pushed. Anna was taking a real working over and Tom knew that she would soon tire to the point of exhaustion. “I cant get her out.” Anna said. “Ive been in the same spot now for 45 minutes and the head is still stuck.” “I know baby girl, you have worked so hard, your perineum is just so tight.” Tom said. The babies head remained in the vulva. Visible, but not able to get free of the perineum. “Help me, I cant get her out.” Anna wailed. Anna began to doubt, she had worked so hard, but with no avail. Tom had doubts as well, seeing his poor girl struggle was starting to make him wonder as well. They took a break for a few minutes and regained composure. “Help, help me.” Anna said. “There is nothing I can do to free the baby honey, you just have to keep going.” Tom said. Anna let out a tiny grunty push. The head moved, but barely. She pushed again. Once again the baby responded, but it was little effort against the tight perineum. The baby receded back into Annas tummy. Once again becoming clenched by the Tight perineum. It was time to take a break and give up for a while, it was becoming apparent that Anna was not going to be able to free the baby. She was simply too tired, and her skin too tight. Anna drew her legs together and the baby disappeared from the Vulva back into her tummy. Anna stood up. It was time to take a break and walk. The walking motion and the movement of her hips might help the baby get into a better position to get free. The baby now back firmly in the tummy made Anna upset. She had carried this baby for the last nine months, and now it was so close to coming out, but yet she was unable to get it out. She could feel the baby moving within her, she could feel it kick and struggle to get free of her tight skin. She began to wonder if the baby would actually fit out of her. Anna endured more contractions as she paced around the bedroom. She could feel the babies head just inside her rubbing the perineum as she walked. It was a strange feeling. After 30 minutes of walking around, it was time for the inevitable. Anna needed to starting pushing again. Anna returned to the bed with Tom at her side. She drew back her legs and began pushing once more. She breathed in and bored down, her skin bulged below. She pushed again, the skin bulged farther and the vulva opened. She pushed again, the head came back to view then slowly receded with the end of the push. The next contraction came. Anna pushed hard and the head came to view, as the push slowed the head went back. Anna was grunting will all her might to free the little baby, but it was stuck. The tiny head held tightly in place. She took a breath. The head slipped slowly back in. “Good girl Anna, it will happen, just stay with it.” Tom said. However after several hours of pushing Tom was starting to get worried she would not be able to get the baby out on her own. Secretly he was turned on by this. Anna kept at it though, pushing hard to get the head moving, then watching it go back inside. She knew she really had no other choice but to get the baby out. The morning turned in to afternoon as Anna continued

to push the baby out. The head had now been going in and out for two long hours. Anna had now been pushing for five total hours. Anna’s body was covered in sweat, and she was becoming very exhausted. “Tom, the baby isn’t coming out.” Anna said. “I’ve been at this for hours.”

“I know babe, but the head is right there in your opening, It will come.” Tom replied. “Yes I know Tom, but her head has been there for two hours!” Anna said. “Are you enjoying seeing me like this?” “No babe of course not, I mean you are quite cute when you push, but I want the baby to come out to.” Tom said. Anna returned to pushing, she grunted hard and long. The babies head was right there at the opening, but just refused to come out any farther. Anna tried and tried again to get the baby out but with no prevail. “Ok Tom, I’m throwing in the towel.” Anna said. “Your baby isn’t coming out.” Anna felt trapped by this. She had a baby stuck in her, she couldn’t get it out, she began to feel anxious. Her anxiety made her tense up. This made the baby retract back inside her. As the baby retracted her tummy got bigger. “Looks like your still pregnant.” Tom said. “Yes, but I’ve been trying to get un-pregnant now for hours!” Anna said. “Why did you have to put such a big baby in me Tom? Anna asked. “I’m not sure its a size issue, I think there is another complication.” Tom replied. Anna went to say something again but was stopped by a contraction. She pushed hard and the head moved out to its farthest yet. The head stayed in the opening for a few seconds before slowly retracting back inside. “See babe, your getting it, that was the farthest its been out yet.” Tom said. “Well ok, I’ll keep trying.” Anna said. Anna pushed again with the next contraction, the head came slowly into view. The babies hair was dry now, it had been in the same spot for so long. Feeling the head going in and out was starting to become natural to Anna. It was actually starting to become slightly pleasureable. She pushed again feeling the head push against her opening. She was becoming aroused. Tom noticed this. “Starting to like it babe?” Tom asked. “Well.... I mean I want it out, but the feeling.....” Anna said. Anna continued to work the baby in and out of her. The head would slowly decend and push her opening, then retract back within her. Anna continued this until she could handle the pleasure no more. Her body shook and quivered with pure sensation. As the sensation overtook her she pushed, her opening contracted in and out. The babies head did the same, however it wasn’t popping out as she thought. The tension of the contractions held the baby tight within her. “Ok Tom thats it, your baby is stuck in me and I want it out now.” Anna said. “Get this baby out of me or else.” “Ok ok, lets see whats going on in there.” Tom replied. Tom reached in Annas opening, he felt around the babies stuck head with his finger. He got around to the bottom of the head and found the problem. “Ok so first of all we have a hand here, and second of all the baby is face up.” Tom said. “Theses two conditions make birth just about impossible.” Tom then withdrew his finger. “I suppose I could pull the hand free making birth much easier.” Tom said as he took a step backwards. “Ok so do it then.” Anna said. “Nah your ok babe, Just keep pushing.” Tom said as he stepped farther away. “Are you nuts Tom!” Anna said. “Your just so cute when you push.” Tom said. “Tom I command you to pull that hand out.” Anna said straining to push. “You’ll get it babe.” Tom said.

“TOM!!” Anna yelled. Tom slowly sat back down at her side. Anna desperately reached down and tried to feel for the babies hand. She could get her fingers just inside, but her belly was to big to be able to reach far enough inside. She gave up and moaned in protest. “Good girl Anna, just keep pushing.” Tom said. “Oh I’m going to get you for this!” Anna said. Anna went to move toward Tom but was hit with another painful contraction. She pulled her legs back and pushed as hard as she could. “Mmmmm Ahhhhhh, COME OUT BABY!” She yelled. She pushed hard again. “OHH MMMM AHHH, COME OUT!” She was gaining traction on the baby, moving its head ever farther out of her opening. However the babies little hand was preventing escape. She pushed hard again, her belly covered in sweat. She could feel the baby kicking and squirming inside to try and get out. Anna put her legs up on the headboard of the bed and continued to push with all her might. She pushed on her belly with her hands to help the baby. But it wasn’t moving. The baby was stuck just prior to full crown. The forehead was visible, but the face had yet to come. “TOM!” Anna said. “Good effort babe, But your still pregnant.” Tom said. “Make you a deal.” Tom said. “Ok what.” Anna said. “If I can impregnate you again in the future, I’ll pull that hand free.” Tom said. “NO, I don’t want another one of your babies inside me!” Anna said. “Ok keep pushing then.” Tom said. “Quick tip, wiggle your hips.” Anna stood up and got on all fours. Then went into a squat. She pushed and wiggled her hips as much as she could. The babies head began to come forward. She pushed harder and harder, the head began to finally stay down. With the next push the face came forth. It retracted a bit with the end of the push. The next push was a struggle but the baby was moving. “AHHHH MMMM.” Anna grunted as she pushed. The head was coming slowly out. The babies ears started to show. The end of the push had the ears disappear back in, to Toms pleasure. “Good Girl Anna, just keep pushing.” Tom said. The baby was coming but it was also continuing to recede back at the end of the pushes. The next push was finally the one that Anna had been waiting for, with a epic push and struggle, the head finally emerged. It was a relief to Anna to finally have the head out. She wiggled and pushed again, the first shoulder popped free. With the next push the other shoulder and body slipped free. Anna was elated to finally have the baby out. She got to know the new baby, and allowed Tom to bond as well. “So, when can we have another Anna.” Tom said. “Don’t get any silly ideas.” Anna said.

[enden-k]

it always makes me really happy to see artists that are more 'fandom-centric' by nature posting their OCs and other things along that line and getting positive feedback, which then in turn causes them to create and post more OC stuff tbh (this is meant 100% genuinely, i apologise if the way i phrased it is a little stilted or odd, i just love seeing non fandom content on my dash)

anyways, feel free to use this ask as a free pass to give us some random tidbits about your OCs and their stories! whatever is swirling around in there that you haven't been about to find a spot to talk about just yet would be great /gen

tbh i always drew my own characters and stories since childhood but started doing fanart when i joined my first big fandom back then (which was bleach in my teenage years); i kept drawing my own things until college between fanart here and there but the moment i made my art blog here i neglected my works more and more and did more fanart instead (for fgo back then). i havent drawn any of my comics again for 4 years or smth but now that my sister got back into hers again she motivated me to pick up my old stories again!!

i think bc ppl were so excited abt my fanart i always knew my own stuff wouldnt get as much reaction so i didnt even try and then just stopped working on it hhjhdfkj but yea, now that my sister gave me motivation and energy and now that i see ppl are actually liking my stuff its smth else aaaa. sry for rambling, i just wanted to clarify that im not fandom-centric by nature, it just happened over the time

anw idk what i should babble abt so uhhh have a fun fact:

not only is this specific story the first proper, planned through one i drew in my teenage years, its also the one that got me in trouble and caused a lot of serious pain bc my adoptive father snooped in my room back then and stole specific pages (like gore or smut scenes, yea i was edgy but also heavily traumatized and in a very bad place) and made up random shit about it to make fun of me, expose me by showing my friends and others and claim outrageous stuff. i tried to remake it later but always stopped with each version and never attempted to revive this story again bc it always filled me with shame and horror knowing he still owns these pages. me redrawing it now is lit the first time in YEARS that i touch it again and it feels very healing, like im seeing my teenage self again drawing this stuff with sm passion and not the person anymore who trampled on it and used it to cause me pain. bc that exact thing was what kept me from working on it again. i just couldnt do it.

(as usual w personal stuff, im just sharing this very dry like facts and i get uncomfortable when people send comfort so ye, reminder to not do that please)

[future-dregs]

Okay so. There'd been a break in our Supernatural rewatch, but we started again last night, and I was so happy and excited to see them again, that I completely forgot to take notes, so I'll try and remember my thoughts as best I can.

Bugs -

I like this episode. The "monster" side of the plot is pretty weak, but there's a lot of great character moments between Sam and Dean.

The curse is pretty weak sauce to be honest. "Nature will rise up" at the level of atrocities that it was born under, every animal in the valley, and all the trees and plants, should've been a part of the retribution, not just insects. And I realize, especially in these early episodes, that the vics of the week gotta make it out, but it REALLY should've been much harder for them to survive. They kinda wrote themselves into a hole there.

And of course there's the parallels between Matt and Sam, they even give him Sam's haircut. Sam attaching himself to him IMMEDIATELY, going so far as to give him his phone number (which I know, for the case and all that, but it didnt seem like Dean knew Sam had done it) and trying to like, retroactively fix his relationship with John through Matt and his dad "make him listen to you" ect.

I think it's funny that Dean, with his experience being the mediator betwixt Sam and John for his life, knew that that approach would not work, and fell back on his tried and true method for family communication "under no circumstances are you to tell the truth" coming up with a pretty decent lie instead. Appendicitis isnt the easiest thing to disprove outside of a hospital.

We see that Dean is still firmly in denial about John and their childhood, at least, out loud, but as the very next episode will show us, this is just to keep him afloat. He can't afford to reassess it right now, not like Sam can.

I saw someone say once that Dean's story to Sam about their dad keeping tabs on him, checking to make sure he's safe, was actually Dean using John as a smokescreen.

And I'm torn.

Because as much as I hate the man, he does love his children (even though that doesn't change how he treats them and they don't ever FEEL loved but whatever, tangent.) But this doesn't SOUND like John, and Dean doesn't sound like he does when he talks about John, he sounds like when he talks about himself.

And telling Sam something he desperately wanted to hear (and needed if Dean was going to pull his family back together)? All while lying just a little to keep himself safe? That's a Dean Winchester special. Plus this gives him an opportunity to talk about his fears and loneliness during Sam's college time, something I dont think he does again until the barn scene when the whole series ends.

There's other small moments that I liked too.

Dean going on and on about how kids should listen to their father and families should stick together. He's trying to lay pavement as fast as he can before they find John again. The focus is really on Sam and his feelings about this for awhile, and that's good. But Dean's background desperation is interesting. He has been ALONE, he's panicked. Cause he's not sure he can keep it from happening again.

Then there's Sam's pinup pose on the car.

Dean proudly flashing around his money, looking for a compliment. (My sister wants to know what Sam is doing to contribute to the family funds).

There is of course the double whammy gay incest joke (is this the first time? I think so), and oh for the days when obvious twenty year olds could be seen as possible buyers for a gated community house. Also the ass slap/honey combo was unnecessary, but seeing the realtor's panicked "I'm still cool around gay people" smile was funny. (Also note that they just give up rebuffing the assumption. Everybody except the dad who's name escapes me, including Matt, just thinks they're fucking).

Dean squatting in the empty house and Sam punching him in the stomach as he pulls into the garage.

Now.

Home.

This episode is a killer.

Sam coming out to Dean about his dreams/premonitions, them both feeling weird about it but then Sam being able to talk with Missouri, and seeing these powers be used in a benevolent way, to help and protect. Also she uses them very casually.

But then there's also the confrontation of Sam and his mother. He's able to recognize her, possible even help her visually manifest. And that scene is just brutal. He wants her to touch him so badly. He can't move, and he wouldn't ask, she is a ghost after all, there's no guarantee on her behavior, you you can SEE how much he wants to reach out to him, to cup his cheek and cradle him.

Instead she apologizes for things he has no idea yet that she's done.

And then of course theres Dean. Scared out of his mind and two steps from throwing up throughout.

He just wants his dad to come back and do what dads are supposed to do and John has never done, but that desire is in all of us when we're scared, even when we know better than to ask it of our dads - he wants John to protect him, to make their home feel safe and drive out whatever scary thing is in it because he's your dad. The biggest, strongest, toughest thing around, and he's on your side.

---

That's all I have for right now, I do have more thoughts and observations, theres soooo much to talk about in it! But for now, these are the main points.

[ssseriema]

figured id send something more positive too and i thought this might make you laugh, but im like slowly working on my fear of bugs and my arachnophobia and im trying to do so by like. this is so silly but ive been just like addressing bugs as little people. like i say hi to ants like theyre my homies and i talk to little pill bugs and beetles and stink bugs and moths, and im getting way better with bees!! bees used to scare me a lot but im getting a lot better with making myself relax when they fly by instead of freaking out because i know they wont just sting me unless i provoke them or make them scared, and ive even been able to like gently help some moths out when theyre in trouble or i see them hurt themselves :) even with the spiders thing ive been trying to slowly get more comfortable like... existing near them, kind of a "you stay in your space and ill stay in mine" and i used to talk to the spiders on my balcony and joke around like "i respect women at work so much godspeed women" @ the spider 😭 just thought this would make you smile :) also bug facts are super helpful!! actually learning about them and learning which ones are harmless or harmful and learning facts about them and learning that they wont hurt me if i dont hurt them has been so helpful :) just a silly little positive update :D im still scared, especially of spiders, but im trying my best!!! ❤️

waitttt thats so cute.. its true... bugs are like little guys. and hey the fact that youre tryna overcome your fear of bugs is already like massive and really awesome and brave. i know its hard cause my big sister has always been afraid of me and i know several people who will scream at butterflies or ants. i dont blame them for that tbh, everyones got their own phobias and icks and fears, but my respect for a person increases dramatically when they still try to be kind to those creatures regardless, they are trying to make it in this world as any other animal is (including us!!!)

and i agree that knowing more about bugs can help you be less afraid of them!!! im gonna say a secret and reveal that i didnt always like bugs lol. it wasnt until end of highschool/start of college that my interest really was sparked by them. the only experiences with bugs i remember really well from when i was young are when ants once climbed up my shoes and legs, being scared shitless of bees (and even more wasps), and being really grossed out by roaches. however, educating oneself does wonders, and it turns out that you can even discover one of your biggest passions through it!!!! like its a little crazy going from highschool (didnt like bugs) to going all the way to chicago just to see some of them. thats why at every opportunity i have i try to share my limited knowledge, others learn something new and i get a chance to nerd out!

just today i mentioned the sound of the cicadas while i was hanging out with my physics lab mates, and one of them was like "oh yeah i always wondered what those were, thought they were like grasshoppers or something. do they bite?" the answer is no, and its like wonderful that i know enough about cicadas to say that and maybe even soothe someones apprehension of them

about spiders, one little guy that ive heard helps people with arachnophobia are jumping spiders! theres a ton of videos on youtube about building little vivariums and habitats for them, and the spiders themselves are really cute. personally when i see a jumping spider i get really excited because they have awesome colors/patterns and theyre small and smart enough that i know theres no way they will hurt me. ive even tried to handle a couple of them (sorry spiders for bothering you) and they are just one of the most pleasant creatures ive met (they are pretty darty and they jump tho so it can be easy to get spooked when you dont expect it lmao)

so yeah, my hats off to you. since i started paying attention to bugs my life has gotten a little brighter (and its also inspired me to go outside more lolol). it makes me happy when my friends send me pictures of bugs because they think theyre cool or they wanna ask me what the bug is, because it means i have more chances to engage with the world of arthropods AND talk to my friends! maybe even make new ones! who fuckin knows

[imaginespazzi]

Bonjour bestie lol (and thanks Im always happy interacting here)

Yeah I personally had no serious complaints about Paris. Even lucky w nice weather. It was staggering to see the amount of tourists even at an off season! Great all around experience, but do recognize that a short trip/visit is a skewed version of a place. And I'll totally back you, I mean visually its just dreamy. Trivia tidbits for all - did you know that France is the most visited country in the world and that the government price controls baguettes? Thats so cool you speak French to that level. I can only claim moderate Español, studying up to two years through college. And to be fair I think I referenced my trip destination as the "wifey's motherland" ha so it probably didnt totally register. Side note I miss watching her games 🙁.

Ok I do now think that after the new GH chapter I am entitled to compensation via free language lessons or something. Sweet suffering Jesus 🙇‍♀️. Like I saw your warning and Im also always onboard w angst for plot development and whatnot. But that entire read was so much worse than I couldve envisioned! Kindly asking for a remedy w/in no more than 21 days (I think thats a fair amount of time, plus the holidays are nearing so you have to be thoughtful on principle 😅) Yup think we'll just stay posted and see what noteworthy game results and dramatics lay ahead for our entertainment. I wished that the S Car/NC State & Iowa/VT had been better game to watch.. Patiently waiting for Paige menace activity on this special day! Are we thinking that Ms "thats how petty she is" is waiting to post at a later time than A did? Lol. No but Im sure they had their usual busy days and ofc are doing what actual celebrating they can

-☕️

Bonjour mon ami <3

Oh yayy love that the weather cooperated. That's one of my biggest fears on vacations, that I'll be stuck in icky weather because that will genuinely ruin everything for me.

I did know it was the most visited but had no idea about the price controlling of baguettes lmfao. I don't know much about economics but I'd assume that's beneficial to them?

Ah yes I think I just didn't process wifey's motherland correctly. Also we're at the point where I saw a picture of her the other day and you were the first person I thought of so like y'all kinda have to be together now.

LMFAO you can have all the free language lessons after that chapter fs lol. I'd like to think it won't take me 21 days this time but who really knows with me and my hectic life.

Yes still nothing very interesting in the top 15. Some good upsets (Harvad-IU for example) outside of that but sometimes that's more just because those 15-25 spots is in essence a revolving door for the top 15-35 actually. Excited for us vs UNC though!

Paige did her biggest one with her stories and I'll never get over them! And them having breakfast with Azzi's grandparents is the cutest thing ever; they're so dometic lemme go cry.

[uptightgirl]

Been a few days since you posted. Hope you’re doing well!

thank you! i have things to be done for college, so im kinda busy. also, im trying to understand my feelings around this app.

when i downloaded, i was a little (very) scared because of the posts (but i also thought them as arousing, in a way my brain was trying to process), but then i realized that everything was safe and consensual, so I was like "ok, its just about people having fun, they actually like it", so I was not stressed about these things.

then, i started to think "this thing about this post is not a bad idea, i want to do it when I date someone or whatever", and everything was so exciting! i was feeling, like, when a kid go to a new place and can play with things they never see before. I was thinking about new things, about how creative people can be when it comes to sex and/or masturbation, and this is very interesting!

but now im a little confused with this app again, not because of the posts, but because of the algorithm and etc. tumblr can be very very addictive, even more than tiktok (that im using as an example because I was kind of addicted to tiktok), because we are talking about sex, about intimacy, and we (or at least i) crave for these things, maybe not 100% of the time, but at least once or twice a day we (or I) imagine ourselves (myself) with someone, even if is just a faceless body or a bodyless soul, cuddling, having sex, and loving us. tumblr is very addictive because makes us think about love, pain, care, power, and it feels amazing! im still a virgin, but, because of this app im seeing sex as very very normal, a thing i shouldnt be afraid of or ashamed at. everybody does this, or will do at some point of their lives.

i love this about this app, and I love that people talk about this normally, and we know how they touch themselves, if they did cum, if they just edged, if they are denied, and I feel confortable to talk about these things, because I know I can't talk about it so naturally if I were outside tumblr. but lately, I'm starting to think if this is not affecting in a negative way. I realised that I'm thinking about sex, about masturbation so much more after it, that im masturbating so much more, and this actually has an impact im my life. I really wish that it didn't, because it would just make things better, more fun, but now im in the middle of the class and im imagining "I really wish I was in another place with someone using my pussy". I know that this is the mood many people want to have, I know that many people really wish to be horny all the time, and I understand why! sometimes my body let me this way and I feel that it's good, that I could be inconsequential and kinky and make a mistake with someone, and this is, at the moment, kinda hot for the brain. I totally understand! but im not like this, and I know that my future depends on me, and I need to do things for my education, for my future, but I just cant because im thinking about being called a good girl, and princess, and these kinky posts, etc.

am I saying that it's tumblrs fault? definitely not! I'm 20 years old, this is not my first contact with social media, and I already knew it can be addictive. I just didn't realise the weight of this app before, because I didnt have contact with tumblr before, but I was very curious about all of this, and this is the consequence I'm dealing with.

I've been thinking about my screen time on tumblr, if this is a time lost or if I'm just learning about myself through people's posts, thinking "this sounds good, this sounds bad, this is definitely not confortable but I really wish to try one day, this is a thing I will never do in my whole life, etc". also, I know that when I have my first time, I will feel less lost about what to do, which is very good. but if the cost of this is lose a time that can't be lost, and when I say it, I don't mean a relax time, it's about "work"/study time, because I want to just be on tumblr, it will just bring me sadness in the future.

I've been thinking about deactivate my account, but at the same time I think this would be very extreme. uninstall and reinstall the app is a thing I already do, and it works, until It stops working and I see myself downloading the app 5 times a day or more.

and, of course, if I lived far from the city, with a partner that could take care of everything for me so i could live without worring about paying bills, about work and study, I would really love to edge all day if i was asked to, be denied sometimes, being kept in a chasity, spend days begging to be able to cum, being slaped and spanked, etc. but 1. maybe this is very arousing because it's just a fantasy and 2. we live in a capitalistic society, and I need to be "normal", and I know I need to be in my normal self to function properly. some people can live their lives when they are just edged, but its too much for me, some people can hold their bladder for example, but I cant, etc. and I know that there is nothing wrong about me and that, if i wanted, i could train myself to be able to do some things with ease, but I just dont want to at the moment.

sometimes I feel like im just a tween that is trying to talk with the adults, because I feel like i am one of them, or i can be one of them, but i just cant. again, I am 20 years old, but some tweens already had more experiences than me. it's not that there is something wrong with me, or that I cant explore new things about myself and about what I like, it's just that I'm always thinking that I'm not too cool to be here. and I don't know if this makes sense, actually. i know im talking too much, but i think its better to tell this instead of keep it to myself and suffer in silence

if you want to talk to me about it, feel free to do it, i will appreciate so much, i really need an advice, but i understand that this is no one business and I am the only one who have to deal with it. if you read all of this, thank you so much, and I'm sorry if this was not a post that made you horny. I just needed to write about my feelings

[fappellmoan]

bitch post time!!!!!! many revelations ok last night's vibes were HEINOUS but it provided so much for me and lydia to talk about and now i am gonna share with you yippee storytime

k so we plan to go to this valentines day showcase thing that the college radio is putting on last night. mind you at my place of work where i pretended that i had a family emergency and had to go home cause i didnt feel like going into work yesterday morning lol idiot... i was so paranoid my boss was there in disguise or some shit it was stupid. sorry um. yeah so ok i was largely like this could be a chance for friend groups to come together and maybe ill be able to talk to sams roommate and also like i do want to see more live music and it's free! so. anyway ok wait let me tell u abt the first part of the day

so me and lydia drive over some wine bottles to sam for him to use as props in a film. and sam and the roommate are sitting on their porch and we chat a little bit acc sam said as i walked up 'you always look so suspicious' and i was like 'ok u guys were literally just staring at me' cause they WERE and roommate was actually really nicely like 'oh no you're okay' and generally was just kind of inserting into our convo which well i had fun with naturally. um anyway and then who comes running up but teko! our buddy teko. and sams like have yall met and im like Of course and teko gives me a hug and i cant lie it was actually so sweet. i am also extremely touch starved but it was a nice hug. anyway. then i had to help roommate pick shoes alongside teko's fit and then i was like um Ok Bye. when i got back in the car lydia was like so i saw a neon sweatshirt... and i was like yeah <3 that's my man <3 sorry ok vibes get worse as the night comes

me and lydia end up getting to sam's late to 'pregame' this show and ig it was supposed be like. it was encouraged to dress formally. and i was wearing a dress that was too small and my chappell red tights and docs. kind of a serve but me and lydia were serving much more valentines day than formal. anyway. roommate does swing around to be like hi! and THEN i see my girl chloe i looooove her shes so fuckin funny and weird and we made this weird little short together in class last semester and i was kinda intimidated by her so i was so happy shocked when she was like I was so excited to see u :D WEEE shes so cool guys and has the funniest fuckin laugh and well honestly the high points of the night were us and lydia fucking around and dancing and being weird and offputting wallflowers cause again this thing SUCKED. ok

we did also smoke beforehand and i accidentally took this huge hit and then thought id be fine w a little more but brother was i feeling funny. did not eat enough and didnt take water it was atrocious. so. we get there and let me tell you if I WAS WORKING i'd have been able to fix the fact that it was soooooooooo fucking loud in there like bad bad bad audio distortion etc i wanted to kick this dude off the mixer but like what ever... it hurt so bad. and the lights were mostly on until chloe and sam duped this guy into dimming some of them but even still it was giving middle school dance. without the fun cheesy music. some of my instagram gay people are there. um but sorry there was simply no way i was going near that dance floor like the bands lowkey highkey sucked (i mean it was just a bunch of white college dudes and they did not slay. shocker. sam kept being like 'they're so good' and we were like um haha... straight face emoji)

we acc disappeared for a while to another floor for the br and just chilled for like half an hour (and security came to find us lmfaooo but ended up just leaving) and i was feeling odd and out of body and too aware of how i looked and it was just not great i was like we're the only bitches serving cunt here... um. anywho. so like later theres a slow dance and roommate is dancing with this other girl i only know from instagram till this point and i suppose if i was really feeling myself i could have tried to make a move but i was not. once again. vile vibes in this place. like i dont mean to be a pussy i typically would be much more charming and fun if i wanted to flirt and kinda felt the vibe from them but i was not really enjoying myself LMAO

then some more of the friend group shows up at the end and sam's like 'drama is actively going down' and im like Wuhhhh the fuck and i feel like a few of them r looking at me and i was just like get me OUT of here but for some fuck ass reason was still like nooooo we should go over and have pizza w sam and them. forgive me for thinking they had like frozen pizza or smth and i could get some free food out of this no we had to sit there and wait for dominos or whatever

AND THE MOST ANNOOOOOOOOOOOYING AWFUL TERRIBLE GROSS MEN YOUVE EVER MET SAT THERE AND JOINED THE BRIEF SMOKE CIRCLE AND THEN WERE JUST THERE AND LIKE YOU COULD JUST FEEL THEM TAKING UP SPACE AND US 'GIRLS' WERE MADE TO FEEL SO SMALL ON THE FUCKING COUCH I WAS SOOOOOOOO TIRED. had to get a sweater cause i felt so uncomfortable. girl i really was only there in case i could have a saving grace moment with roommate im so serious. well and for chloe but otherwise me and lydia shoulda been outta there

literally chloe was so excited to show our little video to people and sam cut us off from getting there to show us the fucking fidget spinner game he has on his tv. girl get out! oh my fucking god. finally lydias like Cool anyway so - like sams misogyny jumped out in previously unprecedented ways. it was bad. these boys were truly making me want to kill myself im sorry like it was so bad i have curated my experience so as to be away from that for so long it was really jarring. and what you need to understand about sam is that he's almost died twice and kind of has a funny little gender vibe going on and so for a while now yeah we've gotten along through silly odd things we relate through but holy shit....... that was so offputting i cant even wrap my brain around it

also sam very much walked me into like yaoi-fying him and his best friend and then was like haha noooo why r u calling us gay ur so weird bitch just fuck him already im tired and also dont care.. hes so attention seeking and not used to um not being the center of attention. sorry! oopsies anyway so

so then im like ew like i kinda need to reassess um. the people im around. and again cant stress enough how gross and judged and just kinda old i felt surrounded by these ppl even tho theyre all like within a year of age? and like roommate still seems maybe cool but since we didnt actually talk and they were off w the other roommate/other ppl i cant help but associate them w the odd vibes but like. honestly idk i might just try to uh slide into their dms rlly casually. bc. well idk how the friend group is fracturing and it wouldnt surprise me if they were annoyed with sam esp living with him but obv i dont really know. but again let me stress this friend group has been friends since their freshman year like what r yall doing yeah u do need to break up....

so i figure since they're hot (and kinda tiny i cant tell if they're shorter than me or just right around my height) (but also they kind of scared me by giving Instagram face while posing for a pic last night i cant do any more people giving off dorian gray rn. but i was also under the influence so um that didnt help) i could just yeah be brave see how it goes and worst case scenario it's not a vibe yk. and best case scenario i get to hang w them and teko. teko so gives francis. anyway

OH also sam and the friends insisted on listening to this ai generated… thing like idk guys i think i was in hell fr

also had several men yell out of their cars at me and staring at me as we walked to the bus stop :/ so men really do ruin everything btw

um. so. that was the night! thx for reading if u did. i am excited to be around other fun silly cool queer people god bless fuck these people

[gaz-light]

CW: Me but ugly

Ya know what fuck it. I don't intend to this mid week. I wanna do it now while I've got the time and honestly I'm a bit excited.

This is John. He's the guy I used to be. I don't have many other pictures of him but I saved these ones for this purpose. They're some of the few I could stand for some reason.

It's hard to think I ever used to look like that. Think or act the way I did. You could go back right now and tell him the events of the past like year or so and honestly he'd probably understand it. Would be too scared as shit nervous and doubtful to ever believe it. Hated himself too much to imagine it being this way.

This is how I started off on Hormones 1 year ago. 5/31/22. Somewhere between 11/7/21 and 4/9/22 everything went to shit. I crashed my motorcycle and broke my arm, ended up broke, didnt get into grad school, the girl I was madly in love with just let me know I was being replaced by someone with a pussy. It took about everything happy in my life turning to shit over night to finally crack the egg that I had been growing in for so long.

There were signs before. Things I always knew. Always hung out with girls. Liked sapphic content. Felt detachment from peers of my agab, enjoyed pretending at being an internet femboy. Horribly autistic. Fucking hated my body. Hated hated hated hated hated. I had a closeted sissy kink and dressed up FOR YEARS. So much more. Eventually I started hooking up with trannies the same way I hooked up with lesbians and things began to click. Something in me thought ya know what, I don't have to just admire and adore and yearn for them. Then a good friend of mine consoling me one April night more or less extended an invitation and I didn't look back.

And then she was born. I think these photos are from maybe a month post starting HRT. Would you believe I hadn't seen myself without facial hair in like 10 years before this point. I hadn't shaved it all off since I was 13. I'm hispanic. Greek and Cuban so I've had this accursed facial and body hair for fucking ever. I was so afraid the first time I picked up that razor. I didnt know if I'd like what was on the other side. I felt safe and secure in the validation I got from other people that I thought it'd be ok if I was just unhappy with myself forever. I hated whatever I was so much that I didnt have the energy to care for her.

Then I shaved.

I looked in the mirror and I thought that girl looked kinda cute. For the first time I really didnt think I looked so bad. My friends were very supportive thankfully. Not everyone was. Certainly not dear old dad who still wont call me by my name or gender me properly. The man who told me god had cursed him with 2 faggots. My little trans brother and I. The man who let me know I was a disappointment and that neither I or anyone of us were real women. I still havent forgiven him for so much. But I am trying to let it go. Even the cis people were kinda nice. I lost some who were kinda edgy friends from highschool. Nothing of value was lost.

Since then I've worked to navigate the professional world as a woman. My first boss at my first real post college job was this British woman from England who made my life kinda hell. Preyed upon and picked on me and embarrassed me professionally. One of the 2 other women at the office. She never would admit to it but I think she resented me for it. I was also the only tranny there. Well sorta. There was 1 other who worked down in facilities doing the trash and dishes for the labs. But not up there. Not on the 8th floor with us in the "war room".

And this is where and who we are now 1 year later. Same eyes. Same 5'0 looking ass. But happier. Smiles when she looks in the mirror. Can actually do things for herself. Set boundaries. Care. Maybe she can even love too. I've placed myself into countless lesbian romance fantasies and I feel like I have a shot at living them. I used to be like 200 pounds. I'm down to 128 and also built like a brick house full of muscle. I was horrified of being trapped in that body of mine forever and the fear and doubt that I'd never make it even this far scared me into doing nothing until i had little else to lose.

Let me leave you with some wise advice that friend who cracked my egg once gave to me: The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is right now.

Transitioning was the best decision I ever made for myself. Happy birthday Morrigan. I love you.

[suchacomet]

Spring Awakening Fandom Tag

(By @winter-asleepening, tagged (kinda) by @feelssogoodinmyarms )

sorry for this being long and for jumping in on this out of nowhere, i got excited and i missed talking about this show now that i’m once again in my yearly spring awakening phase thanks to seeing a local production yesterday :)

1. How were you introduced to the show?

i was an emo kid trying to find musicals i liked bc i started doing theater in high school, i saw american idiot was made into a musical, and followed the john gallagher jr rabbit hole to a b00tl3g of obc spring awakening. this happened to be in 2014 and when i heard about dwsa on broadway i conned my mom into taking me to nyc to see it (i didnt tell her how sexual it was i just said “it’s about teens coming of age in germany set to rock music” and she had Words for me during that intermission lol)

2. Seen a production live?

yes, four: dwsa, a local college production, and two productions at local theater companies in the areas i’ve lived

3. Dream role/character you relate to most

y’all already know it’s moritz…. i imprinted on him when i was 14 and have never stopped being obsessed with him as a character. but i think it’s more likely i’d get the chance to play ilse before moritz and i would love to play ilse as well

4. Favorite male character

mort steeple :) i have never gotten enough of this dude, ever

5. Favorite female character

wendla <3 she’s such a good character when she’s played with the right amount of joy, stubbornness, and curiosity

6. Deaf West Revival or Original Broadway Cast?

dwsa all the way. i appreciate obc for what it is but dwsa is my definitive best revival/adaptation ever ever ever

7. Favorite song

comet on its way :) christ such a whole, like, deal 🙄😏

but if you force me to pick “a real song” that “is actually in the show” then… i think a production that has a really good “and then there were none” is killer bc it means 1. they’re focusing on my favorite boy moritz and 2. they have an adult woman who plays fanny gabor compassionately but flawed in a way that underscores the show’s themes around adults not trusting kids with their own minds and bodies. which i greatly enjoy

8. Least favorite song

this is unfair of me bc it never fails to make me cry and it has one of my favorite lyrics ever in it (window by window you try and look into this brave new you that you are) but it’s “the guilty ones” bc i think “there once was a pirate” is better. my hot take is that dwsa is only version of spring awakening i’ve ever seen where i actually prefer their use of guilty ones instead of pirate

9. Favorite quote/line

musical: so maybe i should be some kind of laundry line / hang their things on me / and i will swing ‘em dry / you just wave in the sun through the afternoon / and then see / they come to set you free / beneath the rising moon - don’t do sadness it’s just such an evocative description of feeling hopeless against all the pressures of life and perfectly encapsulates being 15 and desperate and just wanting a little bit of relief. plus the way daniel durant and alex boniello performed this is so killer. moritz stiefel i love you

play: “don’t let’s be sad […] if we recall this in thirty years, perhaps we shall make fun of it.——and yet everything is so beautiful. the mountains glow; the grapes hang before our mouths and the evening breeze caresses the rocks like a playful flatterer.” from hans in the vineyard scene. augh it’s just so tender and lovely in a way that the musical doesn’t have the time/ability to address, with the acknowledgement that yes this moment is temporary and who knows if ernst and hanschen will “make it”. and yet. everything is so beautiful. also PROOF THAT HANSCHEN ISNT A CREEP OR MANIPULATIVE HE IS ALSO A TEEN BOY IN LOVE FUCK YOU STEVEN SATER

10. Favorite TV performance

always and forever dwsa touch me on seth meyer i have seen it at least two hundred times and i’m not exaggerating

11. Favorite cast member(s)

daniel durant always always always. he is such a talent i’m so glad his career seems to be taking off, he’s genuinely one of the best actors i’ve ever seen in my whole life.

12. Favorite cast member moment

can i say 1st national tour cabaret where the boys performed comet on its way in order to bring up comet on its way again. if not it’s when i gave daniel durant a painting of him as moritz at stage door and i was a shy anxious teen who learned just enough asl to say “hi” and “thank you” and “will you sign my playbill please” and he was SO sweet to me and lovely and he hugged me and i know actors do that kind of shit all the time and i’m sure he doesn’t remember it but it really made my whole life when it happened :’)

13. Do you write fan fiction?

not outside of personal catharsis pieces that have never seen the light of day. i made an aloto/vineyard scene web weaving post though that i do think goes hard

14. Do you make fan art?

i still love the moritz and then there were none piece i did a few years ago but i haven’t done a whole lot past that… that may change though i want to get back into drawing

15. Do you cosplay?

no, but spring awakening costumes have 10000% influenced my real life fashion and hair decisions. lol

16. Don’t do Sadness or Blue Wind?

i just saw this GORGEOUS performance of dds/bw where ilse sobbed through her verse of blue wind and the rest of the cast like gathered around her and slowly peeled away to represent her memory/longing for real connection and the reality of her never really having that at all, and really underscoring that her spoken lines about her new life in the artist’s colony and wanting to take moritz home are just posturing to hide how lonely she is… so right now i think blue wind

17. Word of Your Body or the Reprise?

reprise when it’s done earnestly, but i do really love the lyrics in woyb

18. Touch Me or My Junk?

my junk! i love seeing the different ways it’s staged between georg and hanschen and the girls, plus it’s the only time the girls get to be horny

19. Explain the Song of Purple Summer

it’s a metatextual message from the story of spring awakening to the audience that underscores the themes of open and honest communication being the key to healthy people and relationships, it’s asking the adults in the audience to believe children (when they say they’re gay, when they ask for information and want to be given all of it, when they ask for help and say they want to die), it’s a message of hope to the kids in the seats who relate too much to the kids on stage, telling us that it will get better

20. Explain the Song of Purple Summer (wrong answers only)

horses fuck and have foal babies idk <3

that was very fun thank you for indulging me. if any of mine olde spring awakening/dwsa mutuals are still around please consider this me tagging you <3

[castlebyersafterdark]

on a more serious and sweet note, i do feel for noah seemingly crushing on finn (and vice versa possibly!) because im sure he had formative experiences after coming out at penn (that one time he said in a live from his dorm room 'i've had an amazing year, did some things ive never done before' - i mean who phrases shit like that unless you mean sex lol)

but as a young gay guy surely he wants to get out there and explore, but he's kind of constrained to something because of his fame. so he has to be extra careful, not even like being seen with a partner in the press but to find trustworthy people! it must be kinda frustrating, like, sexually? romantically definitely. but sexually too. i mean, for anyone, even if straight. i remember finn talking about giving up going to parties as a teen cos he didnt want it to affect his career. to have those wild private moments sacrified, the places to experiment... i wonder how it will affect them all long term. perhaps this is also why noah so excited for s5, for byler, as will he gets to live a sort of vicarious love affair! he already said will helped him find himself, i think it's kind of beautiful that he gets to explore so much as will and as noah: not-quite-first kisses with a guy (i presume!), also his first kiss as a performer, perhaps more. it's so wonderful to think about.

All of this! That's a big reason you just feel for him, put into perspective the pressure, how young he is with this spot light. Still figuring himself out. A normal guy, you know he'd maybe be putting himself out there more. I know as soon as I decided to be out in college, around the same age... oh man. It's a lot to deal with, wanting to jump into the world and meet people and finally experience what's correct for you. But he's in the spotlight. How do you even navigate that? It's hard enough trusting people when you're young and gay and just a random person. But he's a young famous celebrity. If it's not close friends from your private life or another guy in a similar life situation, I always wonder how you meet people or even just hook up if you don't want your business out there. Is it actually a lot simpler than I'm overthinking haha just tough to wrap my head around. Fame is fascinating but it's so foreign and intimidating to me.

So also, this could be fueling his eagerness for the pair in the show. He gets to portray a romance on screen! A gay love story between two best friends. That's incredible, and he must feel so happy and honored he gets to helm it, wants to do such a good job because it's multiple-fold important... and just important to him.

[elytrafemme]

shoving under the cut so i can talk candidly bc this is lowkey killing me, minors PLEASE don't read ty

sexual trauma drives me crazy insane because on top of all the like already exciting stuff i have to deal with like being unable to masturbate and endless horrifying guilt i also have this weird mindfuck where whenever im at home nobody talks about sex at all unless its a medical gig or im being told that i need to be careful because i look too pretty or im being reminded not to wear short shorts because i dont need to do that ANYWAY so anything i try to do is like inherently branded as kind of an illicit thing when its my own fucking body, but when im at uni i can't really do anything because while i didnt have a roommate last year i do have one this upcoming year and like even when i had my own bedroom i felt embarrassed and also everyone you know is way ahead of you and you are the one staggeringly behind but then you go back home and u feel like the biggest whore ever. Like. Sorry but even worse than sex not like ever going to happen for me being any kind of Other turned on is fucking embarrassing because like not exactly easy to explain to your friends that since everything got kinda ruined for u your sex ed is planned parenthood and written porn (largely fanfic) and ur routine is to just get ungodly horny and then give up (not to mention that im like super autosexual not in actual hypothetical practice but like nobody else except me gets me. Yeah). Girl who is forced to always think about sex but cannot do anything about this because of the very same thing that forces her to think about sex. AUGH. And then i try not to be envious of other peoples experiences but unfortunately i kinda have a tiny voice that sees other survivors and is like. how can you just Do The Thing. I never even had THAT direct of contact (trying not to say it wasnt that bad but like in a very literal sense it was NOT that bad) and i am like literally ruined forever lol. my literal life goal this summer is to jack off successfully but i dont want to cut my nails and i have nothing else and none of it even feels good. so i guess one day in college im just going to have to read some crazy fanfiction cut my nails and hope none of my sexually adept friends notice. should probably just bite the bullet and cut them tomorrow or something but like. Ugh. ugh.