#if you have kids and then prioritize yourself over your existing child that is selfish

[iamonlyhereforthefreefood]

It’s so funny to me when conservative Christians look at very valid reasons for not wanting kids and are like “this is a sign of how selfish this generation is”. My dude why is wanting to not be miserable seen as a bad thing. I understand that you get off on suffering but some of us like to be happy.

[pennylaneforthoughts]

Lokius Hogwarts AU

All right my dudes, hot take time:

I’ve seen a lot of Hogwarts AU headcanons floating around, and having thought waaaaaay too much about it, I’m here to add my two cents.

( @sortinghatchats has my favorite sorting system I’ve seen to date, since it goes so much in depth into themes throughout the HP series that good ol’ JK barely touches on in her pretty surface level commentary on the subject, so that’s the system I’m gonna use. Go to their blog to learn more about the way the system works bc I’m too lazy to go more in depth than I already have.)

This is gonna be Hella Long tho so I’m putting it under a cut.

Loki: Petrified Slytherin Primary/Slytherin Secondary - sorting: Slytherin House

Perhaps it may seem trite, but Loki really is a Slytherin Primary at heart. Yes he is ambitious and all that stereotypical stuff, but that’s not really what makes a Slytherin a Slytherin. Anyone can be ambitious. No, he’s a Slytherin because he unapologetically prioritizes himself and the people he cares about above all else. 

“Slytherin Primaries are fiercely loyal to the people they care for most. Slytherin is the place where “you’ll make your real friends”– they prioritize individual loyalties and find their moral core in protecting and caring for the people they are closest to. Slytherin’s reputation for ambition comes from the visibility of this promotion of the self and their important people– ambition is something you can find in all four Houses; Slytherin’s is just the one that looks most obviously selfish.”

However, Loki’s trauma has pushed him to something this system calls Petrifying.

“Whether through death, betrayal, abandonment (from either side), or through never having had any to begin with, the Petrified Slytherin has decided that having important people is too dangerous. Having those strong ties leaves you open to pain and weakness, and the pleasure of those connections aren’t worth the despair that comes from their seemingly inevitable loss. In this way, they close themselves off to meaningful connections out of what is ultimately fear (though from the inside, it’s far more likely to be experienced as a rational, sensible decision given the circumstances of the world), and gives them a stony exterior that seems impenetrable, resolute, and cold.” 

Loki wants love and acceptance so badly, but he is convinced that the kind of attachments and relationships that that comes from are far too dangerous and the risk isn’t worth the reward. He pushes people away, hides behind a mask of self-aggrandizement, and betrays others before they can betray him in an attempt to protect himself from potential pain.

In the series, however, we see him slowly unpetrify and move towards a more healthy style of attachment because of Mobius and Sylvie’s influence on him. Whereas his circle of priorities used to include only himself (and arguably Frigga and later, Thor, in the movie timeline), he proverbially “thaws” enough to let Mobius and Sylvie in, and tragically, because of that, the loss of them hurts him so deeply because by the end of season 1, they’re all he had.

His Slytherin Secondary, however, is obvious in his methodology. He’s the god of chaos. He loves improvisation, and plans only exist as long as another better idea doesn’t come along and usurp it. He’ll change and adapt (quite literally) to best fit the situation in front of him, and he takes joy in that. But beneath all the running and his many personas, he has his “neutral state” that he lets only a precious few see. Mobius gets to see it, and so does Sylvie, and as he progresses through the series, he starts to be more comfortable existing in that state where he’s no longer hiding behind everything he feels like the world expects him to be and he can just be himself. 

Mobius: Slytherin Primary (Hufflepuff Model)/Hufflepuff Secondary - sorting: Slytherin House

People like to put Mobius in Hufflepuff, but honestly? I don’t think that’s where he’d be most comfortable. Yes, he is kind and caring to basically everyone, and we see this over and over again in the series. The man radiates comfort. However, like it says in Inky and Kat’s description of the Slytherin Primary, 

“Wanting to help someone doesn’t mean you’re loyal to them. Wanting to help them at the expense of your comforts, your values, your commitments and sometimes even yourself–that does.”

Mobius is kind to a fault. But he is not kind at the expense of himself. Not to everyone at least. He is kind to the child in France, but he is not kind to the point of saving him from the resetting of the timeline, and he doesn’t feel guilty about that. He believes in a duty of care, but he does not believe he has any obligation to go beyond what he thinks that duty of care is. He unapologetically plays favorites, and this is mentioned on multiple occasions. Above all else, Mobius values loyalty as a virtue. Sure, he cares about the TVA and its accompanying morality, and he genuinely does believe it’s his duty to care about and be kind to others. He seems to vibe quite well with the Hufflepuff ideal of caring about people simply because they are people, but this is all secondary to his personal loyalties when push comes to shove. For Mobius,

“dropping that model in order to stand by someone you love, or in order to protect yourself, doesn’t feel like a failing. Sticking to that modelled morality at the expense of betraying or abandoning one of their own would make a Slytherin feel guilty and wrong. Being able to put the things and concepts you like aside for the sake of the people who need you feels more righteous than any moral posturing.”

It’s for this very reason that Mobius gets so angry and feels so betrayed when he thinks Loki has abandoned him for Sylvie, and when Ravonna lies to him and prunes him.

“Betraying your own is the worst kind of crime. Loyalty is precious and terrible; it makes you vulnerable. It’s given sparingly, deeply, and a Slytherin will stand by their loyalties through the same death and fire that a Gryffindor would brave for the sake of doing the right thing, or a Hufflepuff to help someone in need.”

Loki is Mobius’ own. Mobius prioritizes Loki over almost everything else, sticks his neck out for him over and over again, and is willing to sacrifice his own happiness for him. He’s even willing to abandon the whole of his former ideology and prior friendships for this relationship that has become closer to him than his own self, the highest tier of trust and loyalty a Slytherin can give.

“It’s an extreme Slytherin who would let the whole world burn for the sake of a friend, but every Slytherin Primary would be at the very least tempted.”

And Mobius very nearly does exactly that. Even says the words, “burn it to the ground” when Loki asks him what he’s going to do. And he doesn’t feel bad about it. Especially after realizing what the TVA has done to him and the people he cares about. He kicks the TVA out of his circle of care, and doesn’t look back. And he does it for Loki.

Mobius’ Secondary is where people get his Hufflepuff vibes from, I think. A Hufflepuff secondary is marked by “their consistency and the integrity of their method. They’re our hard workers. They build habits and systems for themselves and accomplish things by keeping at them. They have a steadiness that can make them the lynchpin (though not usually the leader) of a community.” And that is what Mobius is. It’s why he radiates that kindness and comfort. He quietly and carefully works at and invests in the relationships in his life to the point that people almost automatically trust him, and over time he has learned how to read people and figure out what makes them tick. 

He approaches new situations with a steady head and gentle hand that Loki is unused to, and it’s this approach that eases Loki into learning how to trust and rely on people. It’s an inherently Hufflepuff approach, and it’s the key to his success as an analyst for the TVA and an understanding friend for Lokis across the timelines.

Tl;dr - Application to an actual Hogwarts AU fic:

THEREFORE! There’s a compelling narrative to be had with a tiny, first-year Loki coming into Hogwarts. He comes from a pureblood family that’s very proud of their Gryffindor heritage (they don’t talk about Hela, and Loki and Thor don’t even know she exists until later in this story), and his brother had been sorted into Gryffindor a couple years prior, and Loki has heard very little other than contempt for Slytherin House and everyone in it. Loki doesn’t want to be sorted into Slytherin. He doesn’t want to deal with the disappointment and shame from his father and the sad eyes of his brother. But the sorting hat sorts him there almost immediately, and his heart sinks. He wanders over to the table miserably but determined. If he’s gonna be sorted into the “evil” house, might as well just run with it, right? Best not to get close to people though. It’s Slytherin. Who knows when someone will betray you.

Enter Mobius, the tiny muggleborn, bright eyed, bushy tailed, and having no clue about the prejudices between houses. The hat takes a hot minute sorting him, giving him the choice between Hufflepuff and Slytherin and telling him Hufflepuff would love a kindhearted and welcoming member like him. But Mobius has been eyeing the little black-haired kid who got sorted before him and is now sitting far apart from everyone, and he can’t help but feel like he needs to be this kid’s friend. And didn’t the hat just say Slytherin is where you’ll make your real friends? Friends are what Mobius cares about, so he’d like to go to Slytherin, thank you very much, so that’s where he goes, and he happily plunks himself down right next to Loki and sticks his hand out.

“I’m Mobius. What’s your name?”

 Loki looks at Mobius’ hand disdainfully and doesn’t shake it, but he does answer, “Loki.”

Mobius’ eyes go wide, and he smiles. “Loki? Like after the Norse god?”

Loki nods, eyeing Mobius suspiciously. People don’t often bat an eye at his name. Not in the wizarding world, anyway.

“Wow, that’s so cool! I loved reading about Norse mythology in school and Loki was always my favorite. Names have power, you know. If you’ve got the same name, then you must be just as awesome.”

Loki has no idea what to do with this kid, but he’s immediately aware of two things:

He’s absolutely sure that this Mobius kid is in the wrong house. No way a Slytherin can be this excited without a single hint of deception in his face.

He’s going to be eaten alive by the other students if Loki doesn’t protect him. What a pain.

Loki is completely wrong on both of these points.

[yesletsfuckthisshituplove]

To my mother.

How can you resent me so? I am your child. Your flesh and blood. You carried me and gave birth to me. How can you resent me? How can you resent me when you saw me vulnerable and naked. How can you resent me? How can you resent me when I grew infront of your eyes. A helpless toddler to your second in command. How can you resent me when I sacrificed my health for you? My mental stability. My childhood. How can you resent me so, when you forced me to be a third parent. Made me the teacher, the carer, the entertainment, the gaurd and the keeper of children you never even wanted.

Why mother do you resent me so? Is it bad that prioritise myself even when you don't approve? Is it uncomfortable for you that I'm doing what you never had the guts to do? Is it frightening that your child who you made sure never has a spark of hope or self esteem all her life will not back down on being a person? Is it frightening to lose your control over me. Is it so fucking abhorrent to you that am not your little slave anymore. At your slightest inconvenience I jump to make it all better for mommy. The years of my life wasted on you and for what. You were never grateful for any of it. You never will be. You think it's your right to take away my life, my energy, my time, my freedom, my sanity and i should be ok with that. I must be grateful for you because you were so kind to feed me. Keep a roof over my head and clothes on my back. But guess what you fucking dump horse? I'm not grateful. The person I could have been if you didn't decimate my existence as a child. I could have been functional.

I wouldn't have had to hoard book on toxic parents, child psychology, trauma and recovery. You think I like repressing memories that I have to not only remember but accept and acknowledge that they happened so I can process the bottomless pit of anger I carry around with me? You think I like being so full of rage all the time. Helping anyone at anytime no matter the personal sacrifice it has on me. Burn myself to the ground trying to function like a normal human being. Have an eating disorder that I have to treat on my own without therapy. You think it's easy to prioritize myself? You think it doesn't go against my fucking nature to back down and grovel to you when you're mildly upset you stupid fucking donkey!

You really hate me for trying to be better. To save myself because you are too scared to save yourself. So you lash out and turn me into your punching bag. But guess what? I hate you too. I hate you so much for what you've done to me. I hate you for never being the mother I needed. I hate you for never protecting or prioritizing me. I hate you so much I want you to die. I want you to die so i can move on with my life without your hindrance. I hate you so much i want to hurt you but i can't because to hurt someone you must matter to them. But you never loved me. You only wanted a little minion to achieve your dreams and when she did you resented her.

So wallow in your fucking misery and self hate. I am tired of you projecting all your problems on me. I am tired of parenting you. U am tired of making decisions for you and raising your kids for you and protecting them from you and your worthless husband. I am tired and I will not do it. No matter how much you bait me. No matter how much you lash out. No matter how selfish you tell me I am. The only one who was ever truly selfish was you. I spent my entire sentient life being selfless and it's time I draw the line. Enough of the trauma. Enough with the pain. I have been through enough to last me a lifetime and I won't take any more from you.

[thezacharywinters]

The Next Day

@hope-robinson

[Hope]

Hope woke up and sighed as she stretched her limbs. She wasn’t extremely excited that she was still on a boat feeling the way she did about Zach but she was stuck so she figured she would just need to get through the week.

[Zach]

Zach woke up on the other side of the bed before putting the pillow over his face so that the sun wouldn’t wake him up. The first day of the trip didn’t go so well and he was starting to think that hopefully the rest of the week wouldn’t end up the same as yesterday since this was supposed to be something enjoyable for both of them.

[Hope]

She looked over to see Zach waking up and sighed as she stood up. “Good morning.” She said as she headed to the bathroom.

[Zach]

“Good morning.” He responds before watching as she went to the bathroom. Zach got up and grabbed his own clothes so that he could take a shower once Hope was done in the bathroom.

[Hope]

Hope took a quick shower before coming out of the bathroom and getting dressed. She watched him walk into the bathroom and went up to the deck to finally see the view.

[Zach]

Zach took a shower after Hope did before finishing up and heading up to the deck. He got them some drinks to start off the day as he spotted her. Walking over he offered her up a drink. “Would you like some orange juice?”

[Hope]

“Orange juice makes me sick.” She replies leaning on the railing as she looked at the water. “I already have water I’m fine, thanks.”

[Zach]

“Since when does orange juice make you sick?” He asks before drinking some. “It is a beautiful view though don’t you think?”

[Hope]

“Since forever.” She answered simply before nodding. “Yeah it’s amazing.”

[Zach]

“Are you allergic to it? Does that mean you can’t have mimosas?” He asks before turning his attention to the view.

[Hope]

Hope sighed. “No it just makes me feel sick every time I drink it. I don’t know why it just does. So I stay away from it.”

[Zach]

“Oh okay. And there isn’t some emotionally scarring event that happened when you were a child to induce this dislike of orange juice?” He tries to joke lighty.

[Hope]

Hope looked at him furrowing her eyebrows, “No, but if I had said yes that joke wouldn’t have been funny.”

[Zach]

“I kind of figured you wouldn’t have said yes to that joke...what has gotten into you lately hm? What is wrong? Why are you acting so cold.” He asks while turning to face her.

[Hope]

“How do you want me to act Zach? Like you didn’t tell me I deflate your ego and that instead of just being honest with me, you keep things you don’t like to yourself. I’m not you Zach. I know you want me to tell white lies from now on but that isn’t me and I can’t pretend to just act like everything is okay. And shit since you are over it I guess I can tell you that Mark bought me a bar.”

[Zach]

“I told you I don’t like when you deflate my ego, that was me being honest with you and then you started to ask me why that bothered me and I told you why. Why would he buy you a bar when a bar was the exact reason you got into that bad situation in the first place?” He asks while narrowing his eyes at her wondering why she would accept such a gift. “Doesn’t he have other things to do instead of intervening in our lives? Over what? What are you going on about Hope?”

[Hope]

“He isn’t intervening, he is being a good friend and you would know that if you had been around during that time. He was there to keep me company and he knows how much I hate sitting around the house doing nothing. And obviously I am talking about you being over our fight yesterday.”

[Zach]

“Really? Being a good friend is giving you something that will bring back horrible memories about someone almost killing you and giving others the same chance to do the same. Sounds like a shitty friend to me. He was there to keep you company? Really? He has a job as well and a boyfriend so why is he prioritizing you over everything else? I didn’t ask you to sit around the house and do nothing all day. You were the one talking about needing time to recover from what happened. I was gone so I could find a way to be able to get time off to spend more time with you. Does that mean nothing to you? Do you want me to go back to working all the time and not seeing you so you and Mark can flirt or whatever the fuck you two are doing. You think I couldn’t see those feelings you have for him? I am not stupid Hope and for someone who wants to be honest you sure weren’t honest with me about that.” He could feel himself getting angry as his hands started to slightly glow as it melted the glass in his hands.

[Hope]

“You never asked me you asshole. You just make up whatever thing that fits your version. My feelings for Mark wouldn’t exist if you were around. As my husband, which you said you would. But yet again you were nowhere to be found. And I can’t just leave our kids can I, so if you aren’t home then I have to be. And who knows what the fuck you were doing while being away from me. I’m supposed to believe you just worked all those days to be able to spend more time with us? Yeah no I don’t because you would have said something. Anything to me. You wouldn’t have just let me think you didn’t want me. And I love the gift. It is so funny how concerned you are with me flirting with Mark. Because nothing happened.”

[Zach]

“You have your brother you could have asked Hope. Stop being so damn naive. You know that I like to plan surprises for you so had you asked me why I was working so much I would have told me. It is a two way street Hope, you could have reached out to me while at work but you never did. I figured you didn’t care since you never even messaged me anyway while I was at work so don’t tell me about not thinking I don’t care about you. I know your father mentioned to you what I was working so long for before. I never left you thinking I didn’t want you. If I didn’t want you, I would have never left those messages, I would have stopped coming home every night to be with you even if it meant I wouldn’t get much sleep because I had to be up early the next day, I wouldn’t have come home and visited our kids. I did come home and whenever I did, you weren’t there and here I come to find out it’s because you are hanging out with Mark. You were on my mind all the time, you are the reason why I did what I did. I did it for you and our family. You want me to go back to not seeing you at all?”  

“You say ‘nothing happened’ yet you literally just confessed the reason you have feelings for him was because I am not around so what? That gives you an excuse to fall for someone else? You want me to just start flirting with the women of the castle who show me the littlest bit of attention anymore because you don’t give me attention is that it? Because that is what is sounds like I am hearing from your mouth and I know that isn’t something you would want, now is it?” He growled.

[Hope]

“I’m naive now? Really Zach? You think I’m just some naive girl acting out because trust me that is certainly not what’s going on here. Let’s just talk about the facts, you left, you didn’t say anything, you said it was because you needed space to heal but now it’s because you were working, you left messages that were good for you. That was what you wanted to leave. I didn’t ask for that. And you have a phone that you didn’t once use. Why in the world would I call you when you couldn’t even give me the simplest thing of just saying ‘hey for the next week you won’t see me because I have work’? I don’t give a shit if I was on your mind Zach. The kids are on mine but if they don’t see me do you think they give a fuck? No.”

“I didn’t have feelings for him. I liked having a friend. And I didn’t see you for a week, I don’t know if you aren’t already flirting with someone. I don’t know if you aren’t seeing someone behind my back. That’s what’s happens when you just disappear.” She snapped back.

[Zach]

“I left you so many messages telling you I would be back late and that I was working more because I was working on a surprise for you. If you didn’t like it you could have spoken up about it. I used the phone all the time to send you messages when I was on break but you never fucking responded to them ever. Why the fuck would I flirt with anyone else when I have the most beautiful wife in the entire universe? I am not fucking stupid. I wouldn’t give you up for anything in the entire universe, you really think that little of me? Just because you used to see people behind my back doesn’t mean that I would treat you the same way. I know better than that. I know better than to hurt you like that. I didn’t disappear. You stopped responding to me. You threw out my letters. You never reached out to me asking if something was wrong. It’s always about you isn’t it Hope? Everything has to always be about you. Have you ever stopped to talk to me about what happened or what I was going through? No, you didn’t. Have you asked about how I am handling the dragon, no, you didn’t. I told you that I would lose control at the heat house and you know what. I lost control and hurt you which was something I wanted to avoid but no, I did it because you wanted me to. I am doing the best I can Hope but that never seems to be good enough for you. It’s always about you and while I don’t mind that, it would be nice if you asked about me once in a while without us having to fight and you suddenly wanting to know.”

[Hope]

“No you know what I am so sick of that bullshit. This is like the third time you have called me or insinuate I am selfish. And that is the farthest thing I am when it comes to you. So stop being a fucking dick and realize that I have been by your side every step of the way Zach. I did things for you, I have been through things for you I never dreamed would happen to me. I never got your messages, I didn’t throw out your letters. But it would be so easy for you to make me the villain. You think because you are a dragon that gives you some moral high ground. You are dragon because you wanted to be. I never wanted this. I told you that. I told you not to do it and you did it. So the effects of that are consequences you chose to have. It’s not like my parents where my father had to change so they could have kids. You did this willing so I am so sorry if the consequences of your choice are hard. I told you it wouldn’t be easy but you didn’t listen. But why are we even fucking doing this if that’s how you feel? Why? We can raise kids and not be married. I deflate your ego and I’m selfish so that isn’t how I want my husband to describe me so let’s just end it.”

[Zach]

“If you could tell me how I felt after all that happened with Grace and finding you as I did then I will drop everything and say you are right. If you could tell me how I was feeling while working away from you for as long as I did, I will drop all these accusations. You ignored my messages because it would always say ‘read’ on them and I came home and found the letters in the trash can now unless we have some magic wizard in the house that magically looked at all your messages for you and threw those letters in the trash then I really don’t know what to think of that. I became one because I wanted to be able to protect you. We are doing it because no matter what happens I always forgive you because I fucking love you and because I think that you are more than worth it Hope. I wouldn’t have done all those things for you if I didn’t think you were worth it.I promised you we could raise our family together and that is what I have done. I have made it possible for us to do that once we get home. I have kept my promise to you and honestly a week is nothing. Sometimes people go months without seeing someone due to working and I worked over time so I wouldn’t have to be one of those people, as I was focusing on moving forward in our relationship instead of backwards. Have you thanked me for the fact that I made it so we could spend more time together? Or so that I could wake up every morning next to you? No, you just went on about how I am not there or about how you thought I didn’t love you when you know damn well I would do anything for you to make you happy.”

[Hope]

“God Zach you are so self righteous. I love you too, it’s why I imprinted on you, but this-right here-isn’t what I imagine my whole life to be. We argued on our wedding day, we argued on Valentine’s Day, and now we are on a boat in front of one of the most gorgeous sights and all I want is off. This isn’t happiness. And just so we are clear, I am not thanking you for spending time with your family. Like...even saying that sentence is infuriating. It’s your fucking family Zach. You don’t get a thank you for doing that.”

[Zach]

“From what I was told imprinting isn’t something you can actively choose to happen, it just happens with or without your will. It doesn’t matter if you love someone, it could be someone you hate but your body tells you that you want to be with them forever. We argued on our wedding day because you wanted to see your ex-whatever you both were, we argued on Valentine’s Day because you were mad that I was working for a week even though I planned us an amazing day together. I dropped those plans for you and as I said, I don’t mind doing that but you keep trying to make it seem like I never do anything for you that fits what you want but I always change my plans specifically for you so I could make you happy. I am not saying you have to thank me for making more time, I am saying that you keep overlooking that fact that I worked for the week so I could make time for you but yet instead of focusing that I did that for you and the family you focused on the negative and going on about how you thought I didn’t want you or didn't care. You know that is a lie and you know that you mean more to me than anything. I left you notes and calls and you never answered, that is not on me. I know you got them but you never replied to me so I don’t see why you are acting like I never reached out to you when I did multiple times and never got a response from you.”

[Hope]

“I never fucking got them!” She snapped before taking a step back from Zach as she could feel herself getting way to angry. “All our arguments are my fault, I am selfish, I am, I am, I am. That’s all I hear from you. The one nice thing you say about me is that I’m beautiful. I don’t need a husband to say something my brothers say all the time.” She said.

[Zach]

“You are kidding me right? I have reassured you over and over about my love for you and about how wonderful of a mother you are and how wonderful of a wife you are. You always go on about how you are stressing about not being perfect and you know what, you are right, you aren’t perfect but no one is. I see you trying your hardest and that is all that matters to me. I could care less about you being a perfect wife or mother because perfection means nothing if there isn’t meaning or heart put behind each action and thought you have. And I already told you, if you could tell me how I was feeling after everything had happened then I would drop whatever I was saying earlier about you and I promise to never mention you being selfish ever again but you couldn’t even answer that question you didn’t even attempt to. Just because you never got them doesn’t mean that they weren’t sent.” He pulls out his phone and shows her the chat conversation between the two of them. The messages he had sent said ‘read’ but there were no responses to them. “See I have sent them to you, that is your name, you are ‘my baby girl/wife’ no one else has the same name as you in my phone so you tell me why you never received them.”

[Hope]

Hope just took out her phone and showed him how she had no texts. “Because I didn’t get them but you just couldn’t fucking believe me.” She said before shaking her head as she sighed. “I need to...I need space.” She said putting her phone on an empty chair and moving past the rail and jumping into the water.

[Zach]

Zach stopped her before she could jump into the water. “Hope, stop. You are pregnant, you can’t just jump off boats.” He tries to tell her before bringing her away from the edge. “If you need time then go back to the room but don’t go and jump off the boat please.” He responds before going over and picking up her phone. Looking at it he notices that she had gotten the text messages but they were under a blocked contact number. “Hope...did someone block my number on your phone?”

[Hope]

Hope felt him stopping her and rolled her eyes. “I am not pregnant. I haven’t taken a test yet and just because I said there is a high possibility that I might get pregnant doesn’t mean I am.” She replied before heading downstairs. She stopped when she heard his words, “No why would someone block my husband?”

[Zach]

Zach brings her the phone so that she could look at it. “I don’t know, you tell me. My number is blocked and from what you told me the only person who has been around you lately was Mark so I don’t think it is hard to put two and two together. First, he blocked me, second, he was there to make sure to be the only one to comfort you and third, now he bought you a bar….”

[Hope]

“Or the kids did it by accident when they were playing with my phone.” She suggested wondering why Zach would just jump to that conclusion. “Why would he do that Zach?”

[Zach]

“I already told you why...maybe he likes you or something. I mean think about it, he is never around Peter anymore and is always hanging out with you. He left his boyfriend at the Valentine’s Day dance to come and talk to you and interrupt our conversation. He was the only person that you told about how you felt about us and me not being there. Then he goes and has a bar made just for you because he knows how much it would mean to you to have it. I don’t think it’s that hard to put all the pieces together that he likes you Hope. He can deny it all he wants but the evidence is there. And buying a bar for someone is definitely not something that ‘just a friend’ would do for someone.”

[Hope]

“Yes okay but he knows how I feel about you. I have told him everything. So he knows there is no way I would ever do something with someone else unless this is over…” She said before sighing. “Which is what I wanted after all this fighting.”

[Zach]

Zach just lets out a small laugh, “You really think that just because you tell someone how you feel about me that they are just going to respect that and back off? Ken and Riley certainly never did so why would you think telling Mark would make him back off? That’s like everyone who has possibly gone after your parents. They know that they have no chance unless Nibs and Misty broke up over something which is a pretty big deal. Just because you tell someone, doesn’t mean they have to respect it Hope. This is proof of that, he knew that you were going to end it if we fought again and that was exactly what he wanted and that is exactly what happened. Maybe he got you the bar because he thought you were going to be heartbroken over the break up and that it would make it easier for you to fall for him during that time or to get into your pants, who knows...” He sighs before going over to her and hugging her. “I am sorry, I should have believed you when you said you never read or saw them. I shouldn’t have accused you like that.”

[Hope]

She felt him hugging her and she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him back. “I’m sorry too, I said some pretty messed up things. I was just mad and I lashed out. I really am sorry.” She said as she rested her head on his chest.

[Zach]

“It’s okay baby girl, we both said things while we were mad that we regret.” He responds as he holds her close to him and kisses her head.

[Hope]

“Do you really think that way about me?” She asked as she looked up at him. “You can tell me the truth.”

[Zach]

“No, I don’t think that way about you. I mean yeah it bothers me when you don’t think I would be willing to fight for you but you are right, I haven’t been showing you openly that I do that so it isn’t your fault for thinking like that. You are not selfish...most of the time.” He teases lightly, “I think I am more selfish than you though, wanting you to wait on me instead of being able to tell you face to face why I was gone for a whole week.”

[Hope]

She smiled softly as she shook her head, “It’s not that I don’t think that. I know you are and I know you will show up for me it’s just that I want you so much more than I have been able to have you. Maybe it’s because we just got married and I want to be around you, but I think now that you have some time off things will hopefully get better.”

[Zach]

“I hope so too. You can ask anyone at the castle, I have been very excited to be able to reduce my hours to spend time with my family and beautiful wife.” He smiles before kissing her gently.

[Hope]

Hope kissed him back. “I can give him back the bar if you want. I don’t want to disrespect you or make you feel uncomfortable by him giving me that gift.”

[Zach]

“Mhm you can do what you want with the bar so long as I can be there to make sure that nothing happens to you. I don’t want the same thing to happen again as it did last time. I like to have my wife all in one piece thank you very much.” He chuckles slightly before kissing her nose.

[Hope]

“You want to be my bodyguard?” She asked teasingly. “But that means I’m your boss and I can be very tough.” She smirked.

[Zach]

“I think that I am very good at taking orders and I am one of the best so...I don’t think that will be a problem. Besides, I love a challenge.” He teases with a smirk.

[Hope]

“Oh do you?” She teased back. “Like three kids?” She smiled.

[Zach]

“Of course, why else would I have the job I have now if I didn’t like a challenge?” He teases before nodding his head, “Mhm three kids are going to be quite the challenge but I think we can manage.”

[Hope]

“Hm three little you and me’s running around...I think that will be adorable.” She smiled kissing him.

[Zach]

“Definitely going to be heartbreakers and trouble that is for sure.” He teases before intertwining their hands together.

[Hope]

Hope looked at their hands and squeezed them. “Let’s go take the test and see if we are really three babies now.”

[Zach]

“Okay that sounds perfect to me.” He smiles before kissing her head once more as they made their way back to their cabin on the ship.

[Hope]

Once downstairs Hope grabbed a test from her purse and headed to the bathroom to take it. She came out and smiled at him, “Five minutes.”

[Zach]

Zach followed before letting her go to the bathroom so that she could take the test before she came back out with it in hand. “Five minutes then.” He smiles, “So what do you suggest we do in those five minutes hm?”

[Hope]

Hope looked at Zach, “Our fight...do you think we will ever get past the way we hurt each other now?” She asked. “I don’t want to bring another child into this world if we can’t be together.”

[Zach]

“I think we can if we talk through the situations and try to understand each other’s perspectives. That would have to be our first step if we want to get past these arguments. But what do you think?”

[Hope]

“I don’t know Zach. I want to say that because you are my imprint that means this is forever but if we keep fighting the way we do I don’t know if that would be enough. Jack used to say we were like him and Alison and that is not someone I want to be compared to but it seems the way we fight that eventually that’s where we will be heading.”

[Zach]

“I know baby girl. I know. I don’t like always fighting with you either. We are not like Jack and Allison. Believe me we are much better than them and it would take a lot more than just us fighting to get to where they ended up.” He reassures her.

[Hope]

“I know but I think we should, I don’t know talk, to someone. About us and everything. We have been through a lot and if we are pregnant again then we have three people who depend on us staying as a family. And I don’t want to lose you.”

[Zach]

“I don’t want to lose you either. Are you talking about going to therapy?” He asks when hearing her words.

[Hope]

“Yeah...I guess. If you want. It’s not something I am like thrilled about doing but maybe it would be good for us.” She shrugged.

[Zach]

“I think that it would be good for us too.” He responds while pulling her closer to him and kissing her. “I want us to be able to be happy with each other and not always fight. I hate fighting with you so much. I much rather put that energy into loving you.”

[Hope]

Hope didn’t hesitate to kiss him back. “I want that too Zach. So much. I never want to end this, I did that once and I missed you every single second. You are my person.”

[Zach]

“I never want to end this too. You are my one and only Hope. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He smiles while holding her close.

[Hope]

Hope hugged him back and smiled at his words. “Well good because we are going to be having another baby so I hope you remember how much you love me even when I’m hormonal.” She said moving to hold up the test.

[Zach]

Zach watched as she went over and looked at the test. A smile breaks out on his face as he sees the results. “Mhm even when you are hormonal I love you.” He reassures her with a smile.

[Hope]

Hope smiled happily as she moved to wash her hands and then went over to kiss Zach. “Can we start over? Please? Can we just go to the deck and make out and pretend you don’t that I’m pregnant so I can think of a cute way to tell you I’m pregnant?”

[Zach]

Zach couldn’t help the smile on his face when he heard her words, “Of course we can. I think that is a wonderful idea.” He kisses her gently before taking her hand as they made their way back up to the deck.

[Hope]

Hope went up to the deck with Zach and looked around. “Do you miss being on the water like this? Or was the ship sort of always in one place?” She asked moving to sit down,

[Zach]

“We traveled around a bit but not too much. It was mostly docked in Neverland though except for when Hook went to the mainland to bring more people here.” He responds before joining her as she sat down.

[Hope]

“You went to the mainland?” She asked in curiosity. “What is it like? My parents never really told me so I sort of see it as something that is only in storybooks.” She laughed softly.

[Zach]

“It’s corrupted that is for sure. There is so much pain and suffering everywhere. Rarely do people ever help others. People are so selfish and while there are a few good people most of the world is just a mess. I think you would be glad not to be living there or see it.”

[Hope]

“Wow...yeah it sounds awful. But you came from there so I guess there is some good in that world.” She teased him smiling.

[Zach]

“Mhm that is true, I did. How about you though? Did you grow up loving the water or the land more?”

[Hope]

“I love my mom but I was a total daddy’s girl growing up. I was able to shift way before I ever got my siren abilities. I mean they didn’t show up until I met you. So I would say the land. I don’t know much about the sea or anything.”

[Zach]

“Awe I am sure you looked so cute as a little puppy when you were younger. I could imagine you running around and bumping into things, stumbling around, acting cute.” Zach teases.

[Hope]

She laughed softly at his words. “Yeah I guess. I remember I worked so hard to get my first shift because my dad had been away for a while and I wanted to surprise him. Now it just comes so naturally.”

[Zach]

“I think that is really cute. Do you have pictures because of course we are going to have to go over really cute family photos right?” He teases.

[Hope]

“My parents probably do but it’s been a while since you and me have gone to see them.” She replied..

[Zach]

“Mhm we should look at those when we get back then. I want to see baby Hope. I think that would be adorable.”

[Hope]

She rolled her eyes playfully as she shook her head, “It really is just not that adorable.”

[Zach]

“I think it would be plenty adorable plus then I can see what our baby girl might look like while growing up.” He teases lightly.

[Hope]

“She will be way prettier than me. Even my sister is, so don’t base my past on her.” She replied.

[Zach]

“Mhm I disagree. You are so much prettier than your sister.” He explains before pulling her closer to him and kissing her.

[Hope]

She kissed him back and just smiled, “You literally have to say that because if you didn’t we would have a problem, but it’s okay Zach I know she is.” She laughed softly.

[Zach]

“No, not necessarily. I could just say she is and then go and say that I was just being honest but that would be a lie so...not going to do that. She is pretty for sure but not as pretty as you.” He teases before kissing her nose.

[Hope]

“Ah I see, well I surely hope our daughter looks like her when she grows up. And our son will have no issue if he looks like you.” She smiled.

[Zach]

“I would hope our daughter looks like you.” He smiles as he looks at her. “They will all be quite the heartbreakers won't they?”

[Hope]

“Maybe.” She shrugged lying back against the chair. “I think so.” She said rubbing a hand over her stomach.

[Zach]

Zach looks up at the sky as he laid back against the chair as well. “Do you ever feel bad that you don't get to run the kingdom like your parents?”

[Hope]

“Well I am the oldest. In the terms of Misty and Nibs so yeah I didn’t understand what I did to not deserve it. But I got over it. I have done too many horrible things to be a good queen.”

[Zach]

“I think you would have made a fantastic queen.” He responds while looking over at her. “But then again we probably wouldn't be able to see each other that much.”

[Hope]

“Oh I would be a horrible queen.” She shook her head. “No one would listen to me anyway and Mark would constantly have to make sure I was safe.”

[Zach]

“Right not me right?” He asks slightly bitterly while pouting to himself.

[Hope]

“You would be King, you wouldn’t have time for me. And people want to kill me now because of what I did. The royals would make sure all I did was pop out babies and stay out of the way. I wouldn’t be good for you.”

[Zach]

“I think we could change those stereotypes don’t you think? I mean your parents were able to do it, so why wouldn’t we? Your father had just as bad of a reputation as you did and they still love him or follow him. So I think that we could still make it work but I do like not having to worry about all that and just be able to spend time with you.”

[Hope]

“Yeah and they still don’t like him. I am already judged for everything, if I was queen they would tell me I breathe wrong. I don’t want to deal with that. TJ seems extremely excited about it so he can have it. I don’t care. It’s not what I want.” She replied looking at him.

[Zach]

“Doesn’t your brother just want the throne so that he could control you though?” He asks while looking at her. “I mean if your parents ever stepped down wouldn’t that just mean that he can do whatever he pleases with anyone or anything?”

[Hope]

She nodded, “But there’s nothing I can do about that. If TJ wants to void our marriage he can, if he wants to cut me off he can, if he wants to change everything my parents have done he can. He will be king, and I will have to listen.”

[Zach]

“Yeah no, there is no way in hell that I am letting that happen.” He responds. “Your parents can continue their rule. They will be fine. TJ has no power over us because he is not your parents and just because he is king, that only means it would affect his own kids not ours or us. I read that in the library the other day. He doesn’t have control over us or our kids since you are still first born and you are not his child. I did my research for this occasion in case the day that TJ ever wanted to do something stupid came around. The royals frown upon divorce and view it as a weakness so if TJ ever tried to abuse his powers like that, they would think he was a weak king and not support him.”

[Hope]

Hope smiled as she heard Zach’s words, “You did your research?” She asked surprised. “You didn’t have to do that, I was never afraid it would happen. I mean I know TJ thinks about it but I have never listened before so I knew I wasn’t leaving you. But you are so cute when you get upset like this.” She teased him. “I’m not going anywhere Zach.”

[Zach]

“Of course I did my research, I wasn’t going to let something threaten my family and not know about it. I would hope that you aren’t going anywhere.” He smiles while looking at her, “Besides we have our own little kingdom at our house that we have to take care of anyway.” Zach teases.

[Hope]

“Hm we sure do.” She smiled moving over to kiss him lovingly.

[Zach]

He kissed her back before pulling her onto his chair and onto his lap. “How would you like to see the sunset tonight?”

[Hope]

Hope sat in his lap and nodded smiling, “I would like that. But it gets really cold at night so will you keep me warm?”

[Zach]

“Of course I will keep you warm why wouldn’t I?” He teases before kissing her once more.

[Hope]

She smiled as she kissed him back. “Then I am looking forward to it.”

[Zach]

“Good, now what do you think we should do until tonight then.” He teases.

[Hope]

Hope smiled, “I mean I have a few ideas but none of them are clean.” She laughed softly.

[Zach]

“What would those ideas be?” He asks while looking up at her before biting his lip.

[Hope]

“Hmm well they require you to get naked for me and very hard.” She purred in his ear.

[Zach]

“Well the latter of that is already done.” He bucked his hips up against her as he felt himself already hardening against her as he moaned.

[Hope]

She smirked as she felt him bucking his hips. “Well then all that’s left is getting naked.” She teased moving carefully to start removing his clothes.

[Zach]

“Mhm do you have a slight public sex kink baby girl?” He purrs as she starts to remove all his clothes with a teasing smirk.

[Hope]

“Never bothered you before.” She said rolling her eyes as she got off of him and headed downstairs.

[Zach]

“You are right it doesn’t.” He teases before following after her and pinning her against the wall of the hallway. “I don’t think we were done baby girl.”

[Hope]

“We are almost to the bedroom and you wanted to wait so you should wait. Even though I’m pretty sure you are the one that fucked me outside of your room on the ship when anyone could have walked by. I don’t mind waiting so just wait.”

[Zach]

Zach pouted before listening to her words and following her to the bedroom.

[Hope]

Hope opened the door and sighed as she closed the door and locked it behind her. She wasn’t in the mood anymore so she just threw the keys on the dresser and turned on the tv.

[thediabeticslut]

Basic Bro | Sorry Sir, I’m Afraid You’ll Have to Pay the Extra Baggage Fee

dates: 🍦🍦🍦🍦 sex: n/a awkward diabetes moment? yes (date rating guide here) choice quote: “I don’t want to be getting hard at a hot dog place.”

Oh, Basic Bro. So sweet, so charming, and such a damn child. We hung out two days in a row. He’d messaged me asking to work on a class project together, which I thought was a pretense for hooking up again, but it turned out not to be. And honestly, thank god for that, because I’d totally forgotten the damn thing was due! He bought us pizza and we went to my apartment to work on it. After about an hour, he suggested taking a break and smoking weed. I wasn’t too worried about the work, so I agreed, though I did kind of wonder whether he this would impede him in being able to get his assignment done. Nevertheless, I was selfish and chose the possibility of hooking up over helping this poor boy get good grades. We ended up smoking quite a bit and out of the blue, he launched into his life story, telling me all about his insecurities and other emotional issues. He talked and talked, which was honestly quite tiring for me to hear, especially since he doesn’t always articulate his thoughts in a super clear way. But it was fascinating, too. He told me about his lacking confidence, how that now he’s grown up (well, somewhat...) he doesn’t get any affirmation for playing sports or being popular at school. He feels lonely. He feels like his parents don’t care about him. He was always a happy-go-lucky kid but developed anxiety after a bad breakup in high school, and it’s still really affecting him now. He feels stupid and hates himself for lacking motivation. He doesn’t know what he’s doing with his life. He wishes he had a mentor, someone to guide him through this. I was in shock. All I could say is that, well, I have a bit more life experience, and you won’t ever find that total guidance that you’re looking for. Eventually you learn to get through it and not resent the fact that you weren’t taken care of perfectly. Only you have the power to really change things for yourself. And it’s okay to feel lost, you will find out what direction your life is headed with time. I really felt for him. I still do, I’m still thinking about it. But I also didn’t want to be in that role. I was just waiting for him to shut up and kiss me or something, you know? But eventually we started talking about relationships. How he feels like sometimes you meet someone perfect, and it’s just the wrong place and the wrong time. Or does that perfect person even really exist? He recently broke up with his girlfriend, but they still love each other. It was just because of certain circumstances. He asked if I minded that he was talking about this, because he didn’t want to make me feel weird or insecure. I told him that no, it’s fine. “I don’t know what your expectations are,” he said. “I mean, I’m not looking for a relationship. I just want to hang out, and like... have fun.” “Okay, good, I’m glad.” He had to catch the last train out and we didn’t end up hooking up. I was confused. But once he left, I realized that, based on a few nonverbal cues, he may have been meaning to say, “I hope you’re not expecting to hook up tonight.” And when I said I just wanted to hang out, he probably took that literally and thought we were on the same page. The next day, though, brought that into question... We were let out of class early and went to get hot dogs. I’d forgotten to take my insulin to school so we had to stop back at my apartment, and I told him I was diabetic. He told me about how he watched the show Jonas growing up (ouch, that slight generational difference!) and he and his friend fantasized about giving Nick Jonas, who also has T1D, a ton of sugary food so they could kill him and get his on-screen girlfriend. I didn’t know what to make of that, but I did tell him that insulin would probably be the more deadly choice. Over our food, he told me more of his life story, and it was the same situation - interesting, but it really dragged on, and I didn’t get to talk much. I learned that he has a pretty tumultuous home life, that his family relationships are really complex and dramatic. He talked more about his ex, too. That he loves her, but she’s in a bad place, hanging out with bad people, and prioritizing them over him. She struggles with anxiety and he feels like he has to help her with that, but sometimes he can’t do enough. She’s been suicidal, and he helped get her in a better place, but he just found out she’s been self-harming. She has an unstable home life and for a while, his family took her in. Now she’s back with her parents and her dad doesn’t want them dating, he thinks there should be a clean break. His parents don’t like her. They still see each other, though. In fact, they’d made plans to hang out that night. It’s complicated, you know. I don’t like like him, I don’t want to date him. And it’s clear he’s not really stable, either. But hearing about all of this was very endearing, and made me like him a lot more as a person. From what I gathered during our conversation, he’s not sure whether they’re going to fully break up and stop seeing each other, or eventually get back together. They’re kind of at a crossroads. He’s not actively looking for anyone else to see, he said, with the implication of, “but, there’s you...” I still wasn’t totally sure how he felt about hooking up again, since his relationship seems to be in flux, but he said they really are broken up now. I don’t think he’s told her about anything we’ve done, though. We didn’t hook up that day, but in the last half hour or so before he left to have dinner with her (awk), we talked about sex. Kind of generally, for the most part, since it stemmed from talking about race, and Asian male stereotypes. Some runner-ups for choice quotes, “For like 5 minutes I thought about becoming a pornstar, just to show people that it’s not true! I’d help little Asian boys everywhere! No, I shouldn’t say that, that came out wrong!” “If I have a son, I’m gonna be like, ‘Hey, don’t worry about it, your daddy’s got a...’” We talked in kind of coded language, since we were in public, but the only people in the hot dog place were some old dude and the cashier. We talked about STDs, a topic about which I learned he is worryingly uneducated, his past experiences, my past experiences, the fact that he couldn’t keep it up with a condom last time... I joked about the fact that he was speaking so euphemistically, that I usually speak in pretty explicit terms, and he said, “Yeah, I mean, I love talking about sex, but when I talk that way, it kind of... turns me on. I don’t want to be getting hard at a hot dog place.” I walked him to the subway station. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. We didn’t hug and our goodbye was awkward. With that, he left.