#if you have ideas for better tags please share im at a loss

[patoslover]

Sorry this is kinda long.... I would have liked to share this in the discord server, it's a more private way, but then the lockdown happened and I don't think I can wait any longer to show this.

Ok so.... Yesterday night, I got a bit emotional over my life and a little reflecting on what has happened the past month or so and how it affected me and all [10khaos, maggots discord sv, 15khaos, apocalypselockdown, among others] (as I always do, I'm such a soft-ass (I do hope that made up word doesn't mean anything flirty I'm trying to lowkey insult myself in here tyvm English)) And so as I always do when emotions hit, I wrote a poem-kinda-thing.

I showed it to @lxvenderjewel and @falling-raine and this happened

And later @the-beard-of-edward-teach saw it and well....

I made changes to it since I showed it to them, but it's for better, trust me.

(the poem is at the bottom of the post woo)

I think that's enough of a warning for y'all. But just in case, this made people cry, this poem, it's very very dear to me in levels I can't write I can't explain I can't put into poems all the feelings and stuff, but I hope this poem makes up for the most part.

Be careful. I love you.

Thank you @the-beard-of-edward-teach @arkytiorlecter @voids-ideas @orpiknight @cawdra @apollos-dodgeball-target @obsessed-sketches @zonzolik @dashoulinas-fandom-dump @eybefioro @queermarzipan @lxvenderjewel @ivory--raven @styx142 @myfranticscribbles @empressumbreon @frogs-go-ribbit @thearoacemess @goodomensduh @sounds-void-fishy @arkytiorlecter @random-doctor-on-the-internet @apophid-I-eat-everything @achilles-in-a-blanket-burrito @hello-ello-ello @harbinger-of-existential-dread @howmanyholesinswisscheese @an-ace-on-the-case @goblin-named-sam @1800ineedshelp @chaoticgenderflood @ivory--raven @aroaceblackhole @three-smiles-and-a-unicorn @coppicegate @zonzolik @falling-raine @dashoulinas-fandom-dump @koboldkatalyst @arkytiorlecter @friday-im-in-love-with-crowley @good-usernames-were-taken @weirdly-specific-but-ok THANK YOU THANK YOU ILY (oh wow that's a lot of ppl) (PLS PLS tell me if I forgot anyone there's so many of you, SORRY IF I TAGGED YOU TWICE AAA AND I'M SORRY IF YOU WERE TAGGED AND DUNNO WTF I AM I GOT LOST WITH THE TAGS AAAA AND SORRY IF I TAGGED U AND THE TAG DIDN'T WORK)

I love you all so so so so so so so much, you're so dear to me. Thank you. This is a gift for you.

Demons Out.

There's a hell outside,

Demonic screaming,

Trees, fall's leaving.

And I'm just here inside,

In my bubble.

Trapped inside me,

Trapped in myself.

There's demons out,

Asking to come.

But I won't let them,

I'm not alone.

Inside myself,

Inside my world,

I've got most people

Than all of your's.

They're worth more

Than any gold,

And they're far way,

More beautiful

Than any Sun,

Than any Star,

They are right here,

They are right now.

They're my comfort,

And some my loss,

But they're all lovely

Precious along.

They're the most

Amazing

Beings to exist,

And so I'm afraid

That they'll all be missed.

Because I fear

One day they'll go,

That's why I start

To sing a song.

Please let us all

Become real friends,

Please let us all

Reunite again.

There's demons out,

Angels inside.

There's me in-between

Caring for (them) all

Please let us all

Reunite again.

There's demons out.

And I'm in pain,

But not too much,

We'll find a way.

There's demons out,

We are in pain.

But I will start

To sing again.

I care for each

And every of you,

So then I start

To sing a song.

Please let us all

Reunite again.

There's demons out.

We'll try again.

[grievedeeply]

the less time the better. pt 8.

PREVIOUS | NEXT — SERIES TAGLIST

pairing: heimdall x gn!reader

summary: days have passed since the kiss you shared with heimdall, and while you try to figure out what it means for your relationship— the group prepares for war.. and suffers a massive loss.

notes: this chapter is just straight angst. sorry in advance but it was a necessary evil.... ignore any plot holes please..... and also please let me know if you want to be tagged in this series! my taglist is really old and im sure ppl have lost interest, so let me know if you want to be removed as well.

you awoke from your sleep with a jolt. you had never gotten used to the rough feeling of wood pressed against your skin as you slept. even if it was the same material you usually slept on while you were home in midgard, your circumstances were different. back then, you didn't have to worry about a war with one of the most powerful gods in the realms. you only had to worry about what to make for dinner. now, you had much more to think about. including your strange relationship with the god of foresight, heimdall.

a part of you still regretted taking his wrist in your hand that day. it still wasn't that long ago, but you wondered how different things would be now if you hadn't.

the atmosphere was tense in the house. you swore there had been maybe 20 words spoken between everyone. people looked over their shoulder, wary of heimdall's every move. in a way, you couldn't blame them. after all, he was odin's son. the son of the man who had ruined their entire lives, and he had yet to state his side. but he wasn't fighting, either. ever since he had arrived.. you noticed that. he never fought the idea of being used as leverage. after your conversation. you supposed you understood why.

ratatoskr had since found out of heimdall's presence on his tree, and he was less than happy about it. but still, he had remained polite despite his grievances. you did notice how he seemed to be around less, though. you couldn't help but to assume that was due to heimdall.

freyr hadn't gotten any used to him being around, and you didn't think he ever would. he was quieter— less himself. you hated seeing him that way.. but the vote you had made days prior was a fair one. you thought he had trouble seeing him as anything but a member of the family who burned him. he couldn't even see him as leverage.

your father jumped into gear the morning after. he was completely prepared to do whatever was necessary to protect atreus.. and yourself, by extension. you knew little of his time in his homeland. it was something he didn't speak of much, but you did know he killed gods there. he seemed ready to have to do it again, but not at all eager about it.

"none of us are safe, even here." tyr murmured from where he sat at the end of of the table. it was far too small for him, and his knees hit at the wood on the edges, but it was almost a funny sight. "so we have no choice." freya responded simply. "we find surtr, sound gjallarhorn, and bring odin to justice. now."

you glanced uncomfortably over your shoulder at heimdall, who stared blankly at the group from where he stood, leaning against the wall. you watched as his hand fell to the horn on his hip.

"you'd incinerate every soul in asgard and call it self defense?"

"does he ever suggest plans or just crap on everyone elses?" freyr murmured, leaning back against the table in the kitchen.

"the obvious plan is staring you in the face," tyr ignored him, "we don't need odin to use this. we can slip into asgard and do it ourselves, right under his nose. we gain the knowledge we need to shatter his prophecy of war once and for all."

"except— begging your pardon— you don't have a way into asgard." sindri replied.

"they got the big horn, don't they?" brok called out from their working space.

"oh, so you expect them to sneak into asgard blowing a horn that sounds across all the realms?"

"i expect you to bite my blue buttcheek!"

"please. just.. think about it." tyr said.

you watched as atreus sat the mask down on the table. you had let him look at it. he had read the runes, inspected the design.. but nothing seemed to make sense outside of that crack you had told him about that odin had in his basement. your father sat mimir down next to it.

"this mask," he started, picking it up. "the easy answers that it promises. i know this.. shortcuts always have a price."

he turned his focus to you, brows knitted together. this expression that he wore wasn't one you saw often. he was worried. "you have carried it. what do you think?" he asked.

you let out a breath. "i don't know. at best.. it's a chance." you said with a shrug of your shoulders. you didn't know what it was or what it entailed, but you knew it was important to odin. "if nothing else, it's leverage. we have something he wants. if it really gives us all the answers, maybe no one has to die."

"grand. now all we need's a way to asgard." mimir replied simply.

you watched as your father's gaze shifted to tyr, and hesitantly, so did yours. "i know i've been a burden to you all," he started, readjusting himself in the seat, "i know you've questioned why you even pulled me out of that hole. i have too."

he stood, walking around the table. something changed in his stride. you wondered where his sudden boost of confidence seemed to come from. but maybe this was what you needed. "i have too. but it's clear now. this is what i'm needed for. this is my purpose. one last time. i will pick up my spear and.. i will lead us to asgard."

"'scuse me, but if you got a way to asgard, where's that idea been this whole fuckin' while?" brok asked.

"that's.. rather a fair question, brother."

"you.. withheld asgard?" your father asked, pushing himself to his feet. something in his eyes shifted. anger. you recognized that look all too well.

"you would've gotten us all killed. and we needed to give the champion time to find their destiny. here it is." tyr picked up the mask off the table, and you shrunk into yourself. you hated being called the champion. it didn't feel like you, really.

"it's all led to this."

"if we can get inside, i'm going after odin." freya said.

"i will not stop you. we can do both."

"spot on, brother. if the mask doesn't give us an out, we'll still have the drop on him."

"works for me." freyr spoke through his food.

"let's do it, then."

"and quickly, before he sees us coming."

"he does hate surprises."

you looked back over at heimdall, who had silently gotten much closer to you while you were involved in the conversation. he stood a foot or so behind you, brows knitted together. "heimdall," you started, cutting off anyone else from speaking before they even could. "is there.. another way into asgard?"

he looked over at you, then back at tyr. his eyes were filled with something else, something you couldn't exactly pinpoint.

"no." he replied after a pause, staring at the taller god. the rest of the group only stared at him.

"i still wanna hear the details on this, uh, new way to asgard you got. spill it!" brok said after a moment. if anyone knew another way to asgard out of everyone in the room, it would've been heimdall. he wouldn't have lied, would he? was that something he would do to you after everything that happened the other night? you decided not to think about it.

"it's an ancient path. we can't reach it from here." tyr said, moving around brok to continue walking.

"where then?" he pushed, following after him quickly.

"let me collect my things and i'll show you." tyr replied frustratedly. you furrowed your eyebrows together. brok was right. something about this just.. wasn't making sense.

"you ain't got no things. and where you goin' with that mask?" he smacked it out of tyr's hand, and you watched as it went flying. "that belongs to y/n, they earned it! all you done was make passable dirt soup!"

"brok, it's okay." you muttered in an attempt to de-escalate whatever you were watching unfold. "no, it ain't." he responds without missing a beat. "this ain't right. all the pieces ain't weldin' together true. like, what's with him calling you, 'loki,' anyway?" brok asked, turning his gaze to atreus.

now that he had mentioned it.. you had never heard tyr call him atreus. he had only called him loki. the name your mother gave for him to the giants. no one had ever called him loki.

"you know that ain't his name! hey, i'm talkin' to you!"

"do you NEVER shut up?"

you watched as tyr shifted into someone else. odin. his knife dug into brok, completely tearing through his clothing and diving into his skin. the weapon was covered in his blood, and you could only watched as he fell to the floor. "brok!" sindri called, kneeling at his side.

behind you, you could feel heimdall drawing his weapon. his eyes lingered on the scene before him. this is what odin did to people. this is what he would've done to him, had he stayed.

in your state of shock, odin wrapped an arm around your shoulders, the knife that was just used to stab brok held at the skin of your neck. he pulled you backwards, and even though you resisted, you knew it was ultimately no good. would you die here? would brok?

"of all the things.." odin murmured.

"odin." your father said, anger filling his eyes.

"let go and face me!" freya called, sword held in her hand. freyr stood at her side, and atreus at the other. heimdall took a place by your father. despite the risk of your life ending, you stared at him. he was facing his father. he had his sword drawn, his brows furrowed together. this was an expression you had never seen on his face before. anger.

"tell your brother to throw me the mask, and you've got a deal." odin said.

"stop moving."

"freya!" sindri called out, eyes focused on his dying brother. you wanted to sob. you wanted to do anything but be here in the grasp of the man you hated the most.

"if he dies.."

"now, now. wasn't part of the plan. but if he dies.." odin's gaze shifted to his son. "we are square for heimdall. and honestly, you got a bargain."

"i will kill you. plan on that."

"so nice spending time with you again."

"freya, please!" sindri begged, finally looking up at her.

"ah ah ah. can't be in two places at once, frigg."

freya shifted backwards, kneeling at brok's side. freyr stepped over, and with him, so did heimdall.

"hey, i don't move, you don't move. don't do anything you'll regret."

"i regret many things. killing you will not be one of them."

"i am in control here!" odin yelled. "throw me the mask, now!"

you watched as your father's gaze shifted from you to atreus, to freyr. he threw the mask after what felt like the longest few seconds of your life, and you lurched out of the allfather's grasp. atreus leaped at him, taking the form of a wolf as he did so. he was shoved out of the way, and he picked the mask up off of the floor.

"too bad." he said, looking directly at you. "looks like war after all."

as he stepped backwards into the doorway, your father hurled a spear at him. you hadn't seen this weapon before, but that was the least of your concerns. the tip of the spear pinned the mask against the wall, and odin slipped out of view. you breathed out a sigh of relief.. but that didn't last for long. you turned around and the view of brok and sindri together on the floor only broke your heart once again.

"please, you have to save him. you have to." sindri said, watching as freya tried her best to heal him. your heart sank into your stomach. there was nothing more she could do, and brok knew it. "he can't.. you can't.. maybe if i go back to the lake.."

"stop it. i know what you done. and i forgives ya. but y'gotta stop. y'gotta let go."

"brok?"

sindri stared down at his brother, now lifeless in his arms. he looked towards the ceiling, and disappeared.

"this.. whole time?" atreus murmured.

freyr appeared at your side, extending the mask out. you stared at it for a moment, before looking up at him. you took it out of his hands, your fingers pressing against it. you hated this thing. it took everything in you to not just destroy it right now.

"so.. what do we do now?" he questioned.

"now..?" freya repeated. she paused, picking up her sword. "now we kill odin. and anyone who gets in our way."

"atreus. y/n. come." your father said.

"what? where?" atreus asked.

"it does not matter." he muttered. you had never seen him look so.. defeated. you felt it too, but he was always so good at hiding how he felt. seeing him like this only hurt you further. brok meant a great deal to him, and you knew that. he meant a great deal to you, too.

"where are you going?" freya said.

"we are done."

he walked away and you were left standing with everyone else, watching as he turned to the door. you took in a deep breath. you squeezed your eyes closed, but followed after him. you stopped after a second, turning to look at heimdall.

you pressed the mask into his hands. "i'll be back." you said, your voice coarse. your throat felt dry. you wanted to scream. you wanted to cry. you probably would. but not right now.

you turned away from him, and followed after your father and brother wordlessly.

"you can't run away from this, kratos. odin won't stop until we stop him!" freya called after him, but her words were only meant with silence.

he pushed open the door, and you stepped onto the yggdrasil.

tags: @ic-yourface @alisblackgf @engardeitsme @venfia @dijanur @s1mpss @gorepitt @callalillie15 @bluehorizon987 @vanserrar @trippingoverstars @mysiax @beaniebear152 @rei64bit @neverendingdumptser @a-bunny13 @lei-leigha @candy4bonez @yyourmotherr @blobdrake-theory @zarizee @rainygamingstreamingturtle @kise-kae @aesthetic-of-a-director @unodostrescuatrolove @nixeustheclamity @aiciteaa @multifand0m-gal0re @chibi668 @wonderkive @lentillo @luffysoctopus @elizabeth-hatake @black-star1472 @lacm-ac @sxmirae @maggot-baggage @emc2beans @suzumi-hiddenmistclan @white-lyra @lmorg149 @iamverydreamy @giornos-curls @reinabxitch @ourchampionofthesun @paintmekala @the-eternal-sunflower @alextric-overload @lynn-haitani

[frownyalfred]

I follow you because of Borderline, but I've been watching your responses to asks about your a/b/o fic and it sounds like you're really trying to be respectful of the trans experience. So thank you. As a trans person, a/b/o often feels very transphobic. I know some trans people like it but to me it just feels like a way for cis people to trans their blorbos without actually dealing with what it means to be trans because "oh its just a/b/o." Maybe some people can separate the two, but I can't.

I haven't read your fic but im glad to see that someone out there is putting so much thought into this. Also it's hilarious that your solution to the Snyderverse was "fix it with a/b/o."

Cheers

Hi anon! Thank you for popping in -- let me retroactively apologize to you and all other followers who aren't into the a/b/o asks. Please know you can blacklist any of my tags (a sky of honey or a/b/o mention) at any time.

I really appreciate you sharing your perspective here. I've seen the process you mention in action before, and I can see how hurtful that can feel to trans individuals. It's a very blurry area in fanfiction, I'm learning.

I think when I started with that original shitpost, it was genuinely because I thought Bruce's somewhat erratic behavior in BVS was hilariously, if somewhat seriously, better explained by him being a defensive, nesting omega who'd lost a pup. So I teased folks with the idea that knotting would solve the Snyderverse, but it was actually more about Bruce's relationship with his own gender identity and how it interacts with Jason's loss and his mission.

I think, outside of a/b/o smut fics, authors have a lot of trouble when writing about this topic, just because we have to do so much worldbuilding. I'm not saying you have to focus on the universe's discrimination or gender roles if you don't want to, but it's kind of inevitable if you're moving outside of smut. There's just so many implications I keep running into.

Above all else, I want to tell the story I have in my mind in the most respectful and considerate way possible. I want to talk about Bruce's, Jason's, and even Lex's challenges with their dynamics without diminishing the experiences of gender and gender expression others have.

Thank you for sending this ask, and I hope you and any other anons feel comfortable sending questions, criticisms, feedback, etc. I can't promise I'll answer every single one, but I promise I read and consider them.

[tianzhan]

#𝑻𝑰𝑨𝑵𝒁𝑯𝑨𝑵 : jingliu of hoyoverse's honkai star rail , established august 27th , 2023. as immortalized by 𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒔. southeast asian , they / them pronouns. please be 21+ to interact with me !! minors and personal blogs will be blocked. mutuals exclusive , canon , oc , and duplicate friendly! this blog will contain graphic content of violence , identity , abandonment , motifs of and ideations of death , and will reference chinese folklore and culture. i am unaffiliated with hsr and any of hoyoverse's games. you can also find me on: @zixunsilu !

𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 @boxue , @qiinglong.

𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐒𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐒 ; temper my soul into a blade that will never dull , destruction as salvation , i am the sword / i am the wound , love as the balm and the blade , the bona - fide sinner. i am nobody; i , the cataclysm.

rules below. / i dont want to make a carrd anymore / promo.

i. im going to keep this brief , so. first and foremost , i intend to keep this space as a place where i can chill and have fun. my workload occupies half of my time , so i'm going to be scarce , so this blog will be a PERMANENTLY low activity space tyty. i will be active with communicating , mainly discord. if i follow you , that means i would love to interact with your muses! i just ask that you be patient with me, since i am scarce as is. i don't really care too much about duplicates and i would love to interact with other blade writers , so long as there is respect to each of our portrayals of blade , but i would love to share around ideas too !!

ii. it goes without saying that i'm unaffiliated with the game, so everything of that material is not mine , the lore for ren will mostly be mixed canon, and expanded upon on from leaks, chinese mythos, culture, and item stories. that being said , ren only offers courtesy to people he holds neutral to better regard to , so he will be rude if need be , and awful where the situation begs for it. but most of the time he's quiet. haha lmao... please keep this in mind when interacting with him! therefore , steal from me and ur ass is grass !! psds , writing, etc are mine unless stated otherwise.

iii. this blog will contain references to and explorations of blade's character within the story and elaboration on chinese culture and mythology, my chinese reading level is literally abysmal (cries) so please bare with me! this blog will also contain triggering themes such as, but not limited to: violence , gore , dehumanization , depersonalization , memory loss , sexual themes , and more to be added. triggering material and general content warnings will be tagged as '___ tw' or '___cw'.

iv. do not involve me in any shape or form in your drama. i don't care , don't involve me. i firmly believe that some things can be solved through talking it out in private therefore, i reserve the rights to block as i please. that being said , i will reblog callouts if it does involve someone who brings genuine harm to the community.

v. i don't really care too much about length or formatting. i personally use small font text with minimal editing , as well as icons, but i do occasionally go iconless bc im lazy lmao... just please don't give me something that i'm gonna have to zoom in 500x to read , and just not one sentence LMAO !! basic roleplay etiquette goes, don't godmod my character etc. i generally do not make starter calls since i am terrible at managing them or answering them but i do. sometimes :clown:. but , the best way to start off threads with me is through ask memes! i loove when ask memes are turned into threads, and i do encourage plotting!! my d*sco handle is available if we're mutuals :)

vi. shipping is not a priority but i'm always up for it. it's not on the forefront of my mind , and i'm sure it isn't for you. what happens , happens. that being said , i reserve the right to drop a ship if certain dynamics don't interest me, or make me uncomfortable. but again , i am pretty flexible , i don't mind exploring darker dynamics between our characters. mains are open, and i consider us mains only if we have talked about it! i do not practice character exclusivity unless requested of me, but i do practice ship exclusivity. this means i will not write romantic ships with different writers of the same character if i already have a writing partner designated to that ship.

vii. if you are a multi , please specify a muse if you send in an ask or like starter calls. if you require anything from me in regards to interpretation or clarification , please by all means drop by my IMs and ask me! all in all , have fun and i look forward to writing with you!

[cardboardqueen]

some thoughts on asexuality as represented in fanfic

this is by no means a condemnation of any particular action or group, just a representation of my feelings which don’t necessarily have any affect on the feelings or actions of others

but I am honestly so tired of the “but I like making you feel good” approach to asexuality in fan content. 

(under a cut bc apparently i have some feelings about this, TL;DR at the end.  if you’re sitting there going ‘how dare they’, please just scroll past this)

Again, it’s a completely valid and often very healthy way for people in an ace/allo relationship to go about things but oh my god i’m so tired of it!  Because I don’t! Yes, I love making my partners happy! I don’t like giving my partners sexual pleasure!! At all!!! I used to (think I did) before I realized that boundaries are a thing that you’re allowed to have with people you love, and that’s definitely had a huge impact on how I feel about this sort of thing, but it just feels so damn ubiquitous and it’s infuriating. 

I’ve experienced this mostly in The Magnus Archives and Good Omens fandoms.  Jon is canonically asexual  and (as of S5) in a relationship and angels/demons are described as sexless with Crowley and Aziraphale’s interactions having a lot of queer subtext.  I have seen lots of wonderful and incredibly sensitive portrayals of asexuality in fic (and art too, but i’m focusing on fic here) both with and without a sexual component.  But (esp in magnus in my experience) there are so many fics where the ace character saying “I like making you feel good” feels like it’s dropped in because the author just wants to be able to write their porn without putting much effort into thinking about or engaging with asexuality.  Which, I get it, that’s totally fine, the pwp tag exists for a reason.  And I go to a fair amount of effort to police my own experience wrt content I’d rather not consume.  But seeing it so frequently is kind of disheartening as an ace person who frankly would rather not make my partner “feel good” in that way. 

It feels very much like asexuality is ok as long as it doesn’t actually affect allosexuals in any tangible way.  Like, there’s the whole “I don’t find you sexually attractive” hurdle when you’re dating an allo person, but if the ace person is still down for sex (and there are ace people who are) then you can kind of ignore the more internal aspects of asexuality.  As long as the ace person is still happy to make their partner “feel good” then the allo person doesn’t actually have to engage in asexuality or how our sexuality affects our relationship with our bodies, our self worth, and the people we choose to date.  But it does! I didn’t realize for the longest time but my relationship with sex (and my body as a sexual tool) is COMPLETELY different than an allosexual’s.  It took me so long to realize in part because I thought that as long as I could still go through the motions and make my partner “feel good” then what did it matter? I could get into a whole thing about that, and maybe I will some other time, but my main frustration is this:

I often see fics where the allo character will ask their ace partner if they’re sure they’re ok with having sex, that they don’t want them to be uncomfortable.  And the ace character replies “don’t worry about it, I like making you feel good” or something similar.  Which is lovely as a display of communication and consent when it’s an actual conversation between two autonomous adults.  But when it’s 80% of the fics that deal with asexuality at all, it sends kind of a strong message that that’s the expectation.  You can be ace as long as you can still perform sex adequately and as long as you’re willing to put your partner’s sexual pleasure before your [preferred alternate activity/ comfort/ mental health]. 

What if the response was “Actually, no, I’m not ok with this.  I know I said I was earlier but upon closer reflection I’m actually really uncomfortable, can we not do this now or maybe ever again”? It doesn’t lend itself well to smutfic, which I understand is often the point of the thing, but it’s so incredibly gratifying the rare times you find it.  To have our comfort put above our partner’s sexual pleasure is (in my limited experience) so rare and so precious, and I feel like i only see it from ace creators (or very occasionally from allo people already in an asexual relationship). 

I think what I really want in my heart of hearts is for some allo creators to acknowledge that yes, actually, our comfort is more important than their sexual gratification.  Whether that comes in the form of fic I can enjoy without pushing through nausea and intrusive thoughts, or the potential future interaction where someone (an actual allo person with sexual desires) is accepting and supportive of a me (an actual ace person with firm boundaries). 

And again, I cannot stress enough that this is an expression of my own frustrations, not a condemnation or accusation.  But, to be honest, the fact that I feel the need to bend over backwards to assure allo creators that they can continue to make porn whose content makes me uncomfortable is just indicative of this whole thing, because apparently i’m a parody of myself

(and there’s a whole other post in my about the difference between “I’m having sex because its an activity I enjoy” and “I’m having sex because my partner likes it” but again different post)

TL;DR: having an ace character say “it’s ok, I like making you feel good” in order to write them into porn is all well and good, but is so popular in fanfic that it sometimes feels like that’s the only acceptable way to be asexual

[thewolfisapartofmysoul]

Hey lovelies,

Got a really fluffy Dewey Finn x reader for y'all. Kitchen fluff. Its so fluffyyyyyyy.

Hope you guys like it. 💕

Dance

Ugh... what a day.

You carelessly tossed your working-bag aside and headed to the kitchen for some chocolate. Or caramel-coffee. Or a drink. Anything that provided a bit of comfort and would make you less anxcious and sad. Glad to accept any form of escape since you've had a miserable day at work.

As you turned to walk towards the kitchen you stumbled right into Dewey, who was snacking himself before he bumped up to you. After the little jump you both made because you startled each other, he smiled and ruffled a hand through his messy hair.

"Hey dude... how was your day?"

Pfff... You did NOT need this right now. So, you put on your fake smile and tried to sneak past him towards the kitchen as you chirped as happy as you could manage: "Awesome! How was yours Dew?"

You hoped Dewey wouldnt notice your trembling voice and the tears that you were fighting to hold back. You hated lying to him... it was just... too much right now. Too much to explain. Too much going on.

Dewey however, did immediately notice something was off. He smiled at you and pulled you into a bone-crushing hug. Holding you tightly he murmered into your hair: "...well... fist of all, you can't lie to me and you don't have to... and secondly, my day certainly is better right now. Thankyou for asking." Dewey released you from his firm grasp and held you by your shoulders, looking into your eyes intently as he nodded his head: "You'll need a drink sweetheart." He squeezed your shoulders and turned your around slowly. Dewey started to push you gently towards the kitchen, left hand on your shoulder and his right hand on your lower back.

You decided that a drink with Dewey was indeed a good idea and plopped on the counter as Dewey poured you your favorite liquor, and popped a beer open for himself. With a flourish he handed you your drink, complete with jazzhands and a dramatic bow. You chuckled and took the drink from his hands as you held it up, as you said: "to shitty days." As he clinged his bottle against your glass he replied: "to shitty days. Bottoms up! Last one has to pour the next!"

In the blink of an eye you finished your drink, while Dew was only halfway gone. You tapped his shoulder proudly, and he grunted and rolled his eyes at his loss: "Allright champ... gimme your glass. Im gonna pour you something stronger and you are gonna tell me what happened okay?" You nodded yes, a smile creeping up your face as Dewey poured you both some tequila. You knew he had purposely let you win a moment ago... Dewey speed drinking his beer was unmatched by anyone. Almost a skill to put on his resume, you thought with a chuckle.

Dewey creeped up between your legs as he handed you your drink: "what's so funny, charming? Am i missing something?" He said as his hand sneaked around your waist and he made himself comfortable standing between your legs, pressing you two even closer together. You wrapped your legs around his torso and tangled your free hand in his hair to play with it, the other still holding your tequila. You looked him in the eyes and kissed his nose: "if you win Dew... i'll tell you." A smirk grew on his face as he started to count: "3.... 2.... 1!" Your glass touched your lips for less then a second and you heared a glass being slammed down beside you on the counter and Dewey tapped your knee. You looked down at the face a very smug Dewey inches away from your face as he simply stated: "Talk sweetheart..."

You went to turn your face away from him but he grabbed your chin, making you look back at him as he softly kissed you. He pulled back softy to mumble: "Its okay... you can tell me." His mouth moved a few inches to the side, to kiss there. And a few inches next to that one. And the spot beside there. You giggled at the attention as the stubble tickled your cheek as he brushed his mouth from inch to inch, peppering light kisses on your cheek.

His hand was laying on your knee while the other was stroking your hair. You moved your hand to cover the one on your leg to get Deweys attention: "If you stop kissing me, I can actually speak cassanova." He chuckled softly at your remark and pressed one last lingering, encouraging kiss on your lips as he squeezed your hand in encouragement. "Talk to me babe..."

Dewey stood there between your legs as you were seated on the counter, and you started talking. You talked about your day. Your shitty job. Your disrespectfull co-workers.

You talked about your disrespectfull co-workers who were making the day at your shitty job even worse.

You shared your feelings, and Dewey was there, inches away. To hug you, kiss you, and encourage you when you needed it most.

But mostly Dewey was there to listen.

Open minded, not judging, just accepting.

Your sweet sweet Dewey Finn. He was there. When you were done talking, he wrapped his arms around your waist again. You hugged him back as you wrapped your legs around his frame pulling him even closer, afraid that he could dissapear if you didn't held him close.

"Thankyou for sharing, love. Im so glad you told me..." Dewey's hands moved towards your sides as he guided you down the counter. Once your feet touched the ground he kissed your hair and praised you again for being so brave to share this all with him.

Dewey pushed his body flush against yours, placed his hand on your lower back as he pulled you in an understanding, loving kiss. When he parted you were suprised to see an mischievous, excited Dewey grinning at you.

You yelped in suprise as Dewey swiftly turned you around, dipped you a bit and kissed your lips once again.

"Okay Dew... i get it... i love you too... please, put me back upright rockstar..." you managed to squeak out between kisses.

Dewey chuckled and pulled you upright again, immediately pulling you close to him again. One hand playing with your hair as the other was stuffed in the back-pocket of your jeans.

"You know what helps after stressfull days sweetheart...?" He breathed in your ear, clearly excited for the awnser. Rocking you both a bit as he swayed you trough the kitchen, holding you tight as he did so. You chuckled at his antics, but was curious to find out what he was gonna say. "Dewey Finn... are you gonna say getting laid?" you suggested as you smirked against the crook of his neck.

You heared him laugh as he shuffled around the kitchen with you, still dancing. "Well... i was gonna say guitar hero and random kitchen-dance-parties... but yours works too love. We can do that after, if you want."

You rolled your eyes at his awnser, smiling to yourself. Gosh... what a dork. But at least it was your dork.

Tagging: @paxenera @heknowshisherbs @hoodoo12 @large-unit @little-miss-shy-goth @thats-specific @vicunaburger @ironmansuucks @h1de-s0urce @go-commander-kim @stranger-strings

[deniigi]

Hello! Just about to sit down and read your newest fic, so excited about it! I had a question for you (you very well may have answered this already, so sorry in advance!), but do you have advice for writing? Advice in terms of getting start, plotting out stories, helping get the creative juices flowing? I have all these ideas but seem to lack the drive to get things written out. I know the best advice is to just write, but I'm having a horrible time starting. What do you do in those moments?

Hello my dear!

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. The lord has blessed me with a head cold and ruined all my plans of productivity for the day, so I can finally answer this ask! I’ll talk a little bit about both how to get started with a story and then some little things that help me motivate myself.

I have started a tag for writing advice here: http://deniigi.tumblr.com/tagged/writing-advice

This is going to be a long post, sorry mobile users.

I am going to preface all of this with the understanding that I am technically a professional writer in terms of like, a handful of ways, but I have absolutely zero training in creative writing, so take everything I say with a grain of salt!

So, I personally find that, on the whole, that psychological hurdle of getting started comes a lot from the anticipation of the kind of response a story will get (how many hits, how many comments, how many kudos) in addition to a bit of anxiety or fear over  theloss of sustained interest in that story (by yourself and/or by your audience). I find that this can be alleviated by really, truly internalizing the understanding that you are allowed to write your work however you damn please, for whoever you damn please.

There will be work you write for others, and there will be work you write for yourself. Not all work needs to be published; sometimes, it is really nice to just write shit for yourself; it is a plus for humanity if you decide to share it with others, but you do not have to do that.

Furthermore, I would like to present you with this:

This is what my current folder for under fire looks like. And you might notice that there are almost always multiple drafts per chapter. Yes, I did in fact rewrite chapter four 5 fucking times, you bet your ass I did. And I’m not ashamed of it. I think the story is better for it. And that’s the important thing here: you do not need to produce a perfect draft the first time around. You will not produce that perfect draft. Accept this. Embrace this. Embrace it and your cat at the same time to really ingrain it as a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Liberate yourself from the pressure of needing to produce the perfect, most right draft and you may find starting the piece overall to be a much easier, more pleasant experience.

And along with this beautiful, uplifting spiritual advice, I also bring a practical thought: when it comes to getting started, a lot of times, people feel like they need to set the stage, yadda yadda yadda. Ha. No. Fuck that.

That’s a surefire way to bore the shit out of yourself. Start right in the middle of a scene that captivates you if that’s what you want to write. It’s a free platform. No one’s gonna arrest you if you stick Spiderman upside down in trash first thing. They might even applaud you actually, because you didn’t make them slog through some of that ‘It was the evening of the 25th and it was cold out in the streets” bullshit we all learned from Dickens.

Alright. Now let’s talk about actually getting started making words appear on paper.

So, from my knowledge there are generally two ways that folks write creatively. You have what I’m going to call the planners and then you what I’m going to call the monsters (I call them this entirely affectionately, I’m sure there’s a better word for these folks, but I don’t have it atm, all I have is a headcold). Planners are folks who sit down and work out their major plot points, who write outlines, and who create the scaffolding of their work before they set out on their magical journey. I think of these folks as architects.

And then you have the monsters and these are those fuckers who just sit down and write stream of consciously like the heathens all our high school teachers tried to teach us not to be.

I am both a planner and a monster. And a lot of that depends on the length of work I’m going for. I have never in my life planned a one-shot, for example. I just attack that as it is. I follow my heart, if you will. But when it comes to longer chaptered fics, I really do think that some outlining is super helpful.

You might find it useful for one-shots, though, I dunno. Maybe give it a try and see what happens?

The two main fics I’ve done proper outlines for are Inimitable and under fire and I actually find outlining to be immensely helpful in psyching me up to write the story (I go through and re-read my outlines when I start to lose interest or diverge too much from the plot outlined there in the actual writing. 9 times out of 10, re-reading gets me stupid excited to write all over again) and it also helps me keep momentum going throughout the plot.

Here’s a pic of some pages of under fire’s outline.

Physically writing the work is really important for me because it forces me to only put down key points/feelings/ideas I want to include, whereas typing gives me far too much room to get lost/distracted by extraneous detail. And since my handwriting is a teacher’s worst nightmare and I cross out shit and write huge with emotion, I’ll give you a little bit of what the middle page here says:

Miles-

there’s something thrumming

vibrating in his ears wherever he goes

-closes his eyes and somehow enters blackness- emptyness (Stranger Things style)

beat

beat

beat

“help.”

–BACK - everything is gone

closing his eyes doesn’t bring the space back

–it makes him panic. He doesn’t know why. His heart is pounding. He’s sweating He has a horrible feeling of doom.

beat

beat

beat

its gone.

he goes home anxiously. Pretends everything is normal.

his neck crawls

So basically it’s less of a formal outline and more of a collection of stream of consciousness feelings and screenplay directions which I’ll flesh out in the actual story.

Personally, I love writing these kinds of things because they get me pumped for the story I’m about to tell. I get to write out the key scenes and work through all the hard parts first, and then, while I’m writing, I work through the little fun details and banter and I have to write to figure out how we get from one scene to the next and I love the challenge of having to fit those pieces together. I very rarely stick strictly to my outline, (as anyone who is currently reading under fire can tell you right now), but I do try to stick to the main plot points in it and my writing is certainly better for it.

So yes. Outlining is very good, but it is even better when you do it to some kind of music. I listened to What’s Up Danger from the Into the Spiderverse soundtrack on repeat while I wrote this outline to kind of transfer some of the relentless pace conveyed in that song to the piece’s plot.

I highly recommend using music to set the mood of your piece while/before you write a piece of any length. It helps get you in the right headspace (excited or somber or angry) to write. You need emotion to write creatively. You can’t just make that happen sometimes; you need a little help.

A couple other things which might help:

1. Leave your house or the space you’re normally in. Go to a cafe and find a nice corner and have a think and a try in there. Sometimes moving to a different space helps you escape cyclical thinking patterns.

2. Write what you want to read. Don’t bother writing for other peoples’ interests; that’ll just bore the shit out of you all over again.

3. Find an atmospheric mood sound to listen to on Youtube or smth (I personally like Rain on a Car Windshield for slightly somber fics, but you might be into ocean storms or dripping caves or whatever).

4. Heat your feet. I don’t know why but I am entirely unproductive when my feet are cold. Maybe this one is me-specific, but whatevs. Heat the feets!

5. If you’re still having trouble just sitting down and pounding the story out, that’s okay! Maybe it’s not ready to be written yet. Maybe you’re not in the right headspace yet. Sometimes that’s just how it is. One story makes its way out in like, a hour, and the next one takes like, months to finally be written. We all work at different paces. We all write for different reasons.

It might help to figure out why you want to write a story before you write it. Like, if its for attention, it’s gonna be hard as hell. But if there’s an idea that you feel like is important or if there’s a mood you’re trying to work yourself into or out of, then that might be a little easier. For example, I wrote a piece called make it work which is about Fogs finding his motivation to be a lawyer and fight for justice when Kavanaugh was confirmed and I felt super helpless in the face of our present justice system. That story kind of wrote itself and it needed to be written, I feel, not just for me, but for others who were feeling just as helpless.

Writing is catharsis in that way. Maybe you just need to find out what you need to wring out of your soul.

Sorry that got very metaphysical. But I do want to stress that getting started and ending a story are the hardest parts of writing them, so you are definitely not alone if you feel like you’re ramming your head into a wall here.

I hope something here helps you, my dear!

[jaydraws-tings]

Ohmtoonz ~Rainy Days~

(Im so sorry for the shoddy quality of this specific drabble. I was having a real tough time finishing anythinf with writing and figured why not end this one here. Thanks for reading and i hope ye enjoy)

It was rare Ryan truly ever had a bad day. Sure sometimes things could get annoying or something unfortunate would happen, but it never really was bad. Ryan was an optimist, always believing the day held something better, and it usually worked for him. Today however, was just not his day.

Ryan started his day bright and early, walked to his desk, and found out his recording software and most of his footage from the day previous was corrupted. Frustrated he decided to just sit back and glare at his screen, eventually calming himself and getting up to go get breakfast.

He was once again disappointed by there being absolutely no food. By this point the sky was beginning to darken (much to his disappointment) with a storm seeming to come from nowhere. Ryan sighed and as quietly as he could manage slipped out of the house. The walk to the supermarket seemed short and relaxing, allowing Ryan to clear his head. He breathed in the air that started to feel heavier, the rain would come down hard in time.

He quickly walked into the supermarket, got the few things he needed (eggs, milk, more coffee) and started the trek back home. The sky was dark and the air fell into a thick heavy silence. Ryan knew at that moment he fucked up. The first droplets caused Ryan to speed up his walking, a few minutes later a heavy rain had him sprinting to get under shelter. He felt out of breath as he barely made it under the porch of a strangers house.

Ryan was angry, soaking wet, hungry, had no footage, and had no idea what to do. He tried to fish in his pockets for his phone but came up empty handed. His phone had been left on his desk when he went out for some food. Meaning he had no way of calling anyone too. Ryan felt it all burn up in his chest. The weight of the day started to come down on him. Ryan as well as angry felt embarrassed. He felt weak and stupid. He buried his face in his hands to keep anyone (not that anyone would see) from seeing the tears slipping down his face.

“You alright there?” A nice southern voice shocked him out of his thoughts. Ryan straightened up and brushed the tears from his face, eventually turning to look up at the stranger leaning against the front door of the house he was taking refuge under.

“I’ll take that as a no.” The stranger came forward sitting beside Ryan, he let out a huff of breath as he plopped down on to the step next to him. “Do you usually do this?”

Ryan blinked at the question, feeling embarrassed at the stare lingering on him. “What do you mean?” The stranger gave a smirk, tilting his head slightly. “Walk in this type of weather?”

Ryan blushed and turned away, he knew that same stare was still on him. He sighed and ran a hand through his messy wet hair. “No.” He felt embarrassed at how flustered he was getting around this complete stranger. He could be an axe murderer for pete's sake! However, when looking back at the stranger he knew that wouldn't be right.

“Ah so today was an exception.” The cocky grin on the strangers face widened with another curious tilt of his head.

Ryan sighed and looked away, his eyes scanned the streets distractedly. He could feel his blush calming a little bit, but still could feel that bubbly nervousness in the pit of his stomach. “Not exactly. I uh, don't have a car and was hungry. My roommate, he has a tendency to steal my food and my stock was low.”

The stranger raised an eyebrow a smile stretching across his face. “Well I’m not sure if this rain is going to let up anytime soon. Wanna come in?”

Ryan looked over and found himself embarrassed. “Oh, I don't want to be a disturbance!” He scrambled up to his feet and waved his hand in a dismissive type of way. “Please don’t worry, I’ll be fine out here”

He was cut off by the strangers gentle chuckle. “It's fine. Don't worry yourself about it.” The stranger got up and extended a hand to Ryan. “I should have introduced myself earlier, sorry. My names Luke.”

Ryan looked up at the male, another warm blush moving across his face. He found himself at a loss for words for a few seconds. With a bit of hesitation he reached up and grabbed Luke's hand, allowing himself to get pulled up by him. “Ryan.”

The short stutter that accompanied his name made Ryan curse himself, especially when Luke seemed to grin a bit wider upon hearing it. “Well Ryan it's nice to meet you. Let's get you dried up and fed yeah?” Luke gave a closed eyed grin that made Ryans stomach flip. “Uh yeah sure.”

Luke's house was much cosier inside than it was outside. It was nice and warm, and Ryan noted the cat lying on the sofa that seemed to want to ignore both the men's presence. “Thats Princess. She's kind of an asshole.” Luke chuckled and walked over petting the cat with a fondness that made Ryan smile behind his hand. “She seems pretty cool to me.”

Luke let out a breathless laugh and turned to look at Ryan with a raised eyebrow. “Sure, just live with her than you'd get the whole experience.” He laughed, a smooth sounding laugh that made Ryan giggle. For a minute a peaceful silence landed between the two before Luke got up and clapped his hands. “Let's get you some new clothes.”

Luke had led Ryan to a restroom. He showed him how the shower worked before leaving him, returning with a new set of clothes. Ryan looked down with wide brown eyes opening his mouth to object but Luke stopped him with a wave of his hand. “Your clothes are wet and these are really the only thing I have that look like it'll fit you. I’ll put yours in the drier after you get out if you want?”

Ryan felt bad, his eyes watched  Luke with uncertainty but saw that Luke was determined. With a sigh he accepted grabbing the dry clothes. “Ok fine, but after they are dry I’ll give these back ok?” Luke grinned at him and nodded accepting it. After a minute he jumped and blushed.

“Oh uh, I’ll leave you be.” He backed away and waved awkwardly. Ryan waved back with a soft giggle and closed the door behind him.

The shower was nice and warm. His body relaxed under the water, his once tense muscles felt so much better. Ryan was conscious of the amount of self care products this stranger had. It was almost funny compared to his pitiful amount of things at his shared restroom.

Ryan did not allow himself to take his time though. He quickly showered and got out, wrapping a towel around his waist and stretched. He reached over wiping the foggy mirror. Ryan took in his messy rumpled appearance and grinned despite himself.

Ryan had to remind himself of where he was. He dried his body and grabbed at the clothes Luke had given him. The white button up shirt he had given him was too large over Ryan's body. He buttoned it up and tried his best to pull up the sleeves to a suitable length. The jeans Luke gave him was also too large but manageable. It at least allowed Ryan to tuck in the button up.

Ryan collected his wet clothes and bundled them together. He opened the door and the smell of bacon seemed to waft into the restroom. Ryan stepped out into the hall, walking down back to the livingroom and right to the scene of Luke cooking.

The southerner was focused on some bacon, his nose scrunched at the easy task. Alongside it was two plates of eggs. Ryan felt flattered at the scene. He cleared his throat and smiled at Lukes shocked gaze. “You didn't have to.” Ryan walked into the room and gestured to the plates. “I would have been fine. I've already been so much of a burden and, you really didn't have to.”

Luke shrugged and offered a plate to Ryan. “Take it as neighborly hospitality.” Ryan found himself grinning despite the worry. He walked over accepting the plate graciously. “Thank you.”

They both ate in comfortable silence. They didn't chat, merely enjoying each others company together. After they were done Luke took their plates (Ryan objected for probably the fifth time that evening but he was once again stopped by Luke) and washed them. Ryan chit chatted with him softly, getting to know the stranger bit by bit. He learned of his past, his friends and hobbies he had. They both shared an interest in games and Ryan wrote down his gamer tag for Luke so they could later possibly play with each other.

Their conversation in the kitchen turned to them both sitting in the living room. They both spoke easily with each other, seeming to be long time friends instead of people that met that day. The conversation turned to Ryan soon enough.

“So what do you do Ryan?” Ryan tilted his head, previously looking up to Luke's ceiling to glance over at Luke. “I uh. It's complicated.” Luke burst out laughing and looked over at Ry. “It can't be that bad. Come on.” Ryan puffed hi cheeks and turned away. “I uh. I film for youtube. Nothing too special just something on the side.” Ryan scratched his cheek. “Other than that I work at a nearby video store. It's interesting we get all sorts of customers.”

Luke smiled at Ryan encouragingly. “See that's not that bad.”

Ryan scoffed at Luke. “You cant talk. My roommate always makes fun of me.” Ryan blew a breath between his teeth.

“A real piece of work huh?” Ryan glanced o er confused at Luke's words. “Your roommate, he seems like such a swell guy."

Ryan chuckled softly. "You could say that." Ryan puffed a breath between his teeth. "Brings girls endlessly to the house, eats my things, uses my products, real good guy." He gave Luke a thumbs up with a fake cheery smile plastered on his face. The sarcasm practically dripping from his lips.

Luke burst out laughing, reaching over and patting Ryan on the shoulder. "Damn man. Must be hell to live with him."

Ryan chuckled looking down at his hands. "Yeah." He sighed softly. "If it weren't for him I guess I wouldn't of gotten stranded in the storm. This day in total has just been." A sigh blew from his lips as he leaned back again. "Amazing."

Ryan after a second looked up into Luke's chocolate brown eyes. The gentle fondness amd care in them made Ryan tear up. The days events once again getting to him.

"I'm sorry Ry." Those words had him balling

Luke had no idea what to do. His eyes widened at the sobbing male in front of him. His shoulders shook with silent sobs as he covered his mouth. The frown on his lips made Luke feel angry and sad for him. Within the short time that Ryan had been with him he could feel the connection he had with the guy.

Luke reached over, soothingly rubbing Ryan's arm. "Hey hey, Shh its ok its alright." He scooted over a small bit closer, keeping in mind Ryan's privacy and their short status as 'friends' if someone could call them that.

"Come here. Its ok darlin." Luke almost slapped himself when he said that. It slipped out of his mouth before he could even catch the word

To his surprise though Ryan came closer and hugged him, wrapping his arms around Luke's waist and burying his head into his chest.

It was comforting and safe. The sound of rain whispered in the background comfortingly. The warmth from Ryan warmed Lukes body. His tears seemed to have stopped yet Ryan remained in his arms. Luke continued to rub soothing circled on his back, letting his thoughts wander.

"Luke?" Ryan's soft, shy voice broke Luke from his trance. He looked down at the brown ruffled hair and tilted his head, leaning closer to Ryan. "Yeah bud?"

It took Ryan a few seconds to answer. His tired mind made it hard for him to formulate a sentence but he managed to get the words out.

"I'm sorry." Luke dryly chuckled and patted his head, leaning to the side so they both could lean against the sofa. "Its alright Ry."

"Luke?"

"Yes Ryan?"

"Thank you."

[justauthoring]

Stuck Between (5/8)

THIS IS A SERIES: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - final

Tag’s List: @fralackles - @epicfallenismine - @interwebseriesfan24 - @weasleyswizarding-wheezes - @chaostheoryy - @harryhooksgazebos267- @agirlwithlonelymusic - @waywardskylo - @exoticxstyles - @keiko0 - @worldsroses - @hostofthefirenation - @victim-of-wonderland - @fandomingforever - @winchesterdirective - @princenyaz - @blood-roses-and-bands - @eliza-hamilton-helpless - @vashnner - @mockingjaycello - @themistressofallevil - @dead-punk-ghost - @soliddude - @silvermisst - @bingewatchingmylifegoby - @omgitzbrandy - @joebobisachickenfart - @reniescarlett - @andthenhebowed - @nevaeh-potter15 - @theroleplayer-gameaddiction- @quickies-with-quicksilver - @lilacs-lavender - @the-pastel-badger - @kennedy-christl - @sunset-inthe-rearview - @kylo-ren-is-my-supreme-leader - @thatcrazybookwormgeek - @somanyfandomsiforgot2count - @mysticmessworld - @hanktheswaggyhonkeydonkey - @adrenaline-scream - @5sosfan77 - @maria-tifa - @maggieluvesu - @i-ship-it-ironically - @eboni-napalm-joestar - @its-zarah - @dangerous-fork - @violaclara - @dxxkxx  bolded is who i couldn’t tag! Let me know if you’d like to be added!

Prompt: It was never a choice - rather a given. Yet the guilt flooded you, betraying all that had ever loved you. He was enticing and exciting and he brought a side out of you that you never knew had existed.

Warnings: please send ideas for where i could go further with this story. i don’t know why but im really struggling writing this one and when i feel like i have an idea, it gets lost in my head. if you guys could send me your ideas that would mean the world to me.

please don’t plagiarize my work - I spend a lot of my time writing, copying and pasting destroys that. If you want to repost my work. please ask first - but even then I might say no.

You stumbled back, fear radiating through you. Kylo looked intimidating, much more intimidating then he had that day you were in his grasp before. 

Things were different this time, he held a power over you that had just begun to sprout before. Now, it was full fledge. Kylo ignited a feeling within you you’d never felt before, one Poe never had. It was what caused so much inner-turmoil within you, you felt as if you’d betrayed the Resistance by learning to feel the way you did about Kylo.

You felt tears well in your eyes, everything that had happened in such a short moment rushing to you. Axel was dead, and you, Poe and the Resistance had all been tricked. It was all just a trap and you all had fallen for it too easily. Axel was dead... He was one of the very first people to ever talk to you in the Resistance, besides Poe of course, and he’d help make the place seem a little more like home. His death wasn’t just a loss to the Resistance because of his amazing skills, but rather a loss of someone who cared. Someone who meant something to someone. 

You took another step back, desperate to get away from the nearing figure of Kylo. Though it meant nothing, as soon you felt your back hit the wall behind you and you were cornered.

Kylo neared you, so he was barely an inch away and you felt your breathing going rapid. He was too close for comfort, too close for you to be able to control the way you felt and the desperate need to push him away. You were losing yourself, like you were spiralling out of control and you couldn’t but wonder if this was your thoughts. Kylo had the power to do it, and you’d never felt something like this before... but it was only in denial.

“There’s no reason to be afraid.”

You laughed, obnoxiously. Turning to look at the dark holes within his mask that seemed to just stare into your soul, you shook your head. “You’re a monster.” You spat, blinking to push away the tears. “You killed Axel, and-” You were interrupted as Kylo took another step forward, pushing his chest against your own. Your breath got caught in your throat as you watched Kylo slowly slide off his mask, revealing the much less intimidating face of Kylo.

He knew what he was doing.

Kylo knew of the power he held over you. The tension that ignited within you when you saw or heard him.

You closed your eyes, breaking shakily as you felt Kylo’s hand fall over your cheek. Slowly his traced his fingers along the length of your cheek, making your body shudder and grow warm, before his hand suddenly move, quite aggressively, to grip your cheek. “You don’t believe that.” Kylo whispered, and you were reminded of that day in the cell lock. 

“I-I do...” You whispered, fighting the urge to give in.

“You feel it too,” Kylo said and your raked with emotion. “The connection. You want it.” He pronounced ever syllable slowly, accentuating the feeling that grew deep within you. It started in your belly, and then grew, spreading through you in small waves. 

You hated it - it was wrong. This was wrong. Kylo was evil, he was the Supreme Leader and he had every intention of destroying the Resistance and anyone else who opposed him. But for some odd reason, you loved it all the same. 

His lips were so close, one movement and yours would be pressed against his. 

“Stop it,” you grunted, placing your hand on his chest to push him away. Kylo only grasped it. “Stop it - this... this connection you talk about... it isn’t me. You- You’re controlling me.” You would stop at nothing to explain the unexplainable feelings you felt.

Kylo laughed, almost in pity; “I am not making you feel the way you do.” Kylo shook his head, bringing your gaze back up at him. “It is just how you feel.”

“This is wrong,” you cried out, a tear falling past your defences. “You’re a murderer. You’re- You’re a monster. You killed Han Solo, you killed Axel and God knows what you’ve done with Poe.” You rambled, your eyes going wide with your thoughts. Kylo said nothing but listened. “This can’t...”

You met Kylo’s dark eyes and you knew it was true.

Biting your lip, you sighed, your tense body falling. “Is Poe okay?”

“For now.”

Your eyes widened, “what are you going to do with him?”

Kylo said nothing, his lips kept sealed. You sighed, huffing in annoyance as you writhed in his grasp. “You will see him soon enough.” Kylo said, to ease your struggles. “But nothing will save you from me, I have you now and I have no intentions of letting you go again.”

You caved, tired of fighting the way you felt. These feelings, they were strong and pushing them away made you exhausted. “I’ve never felt this way before,” you whispered and suddenly the fear, or what you thought to be fear, from before was gone. You found trust in Kylo’s mad, crazed gaze. “It scares me.”

“You brought a feeling in me i’ve never felt before,” Kylo mumbled. “At first I wanted to kill you - you were a distraction. But I have no intentions of such anymore.”

His words did nothing to ease you, but you stopped fighting his grasp. 

“Soon you will learn to accept the way you feel.” Kylo said, his voice strong - the strongest you’d ever heard it. He sounded confident and sure. Something you were not. “I will not hurt you,” Kylo whispered, and his hand softly grazed the scar on your cheek. “Never again.”

Suddenly Kylo was leaning down, and your head smacked against the back of the wall in shock. Yet, as he continued nearing you, you didn’t nothing to fight Kylo. And within seconds, you felt his lips press against your own, and his hands cup your cheeks. This kiss was nothing like the kiss you had shared with Poe.

There was so much more passion, so much more feeling and you felt yourself loss. No longer did you struggle and instead you pressed into him, wrapping your arms around to bring him closer.

You didn’t know what you were doing - you’d lost yourself.

Lost yourself to the pleasure and the feeling that Kylo brought within you.

Poe struggled, fighting the cuffs around his wrists as much as he could. No matter how hard he tried, nothing broke the restraints that held him back. He was stuck, heart racing wildly and his mind on one thing - you.

All he could think about was what was happening to you. His heart burned at the thought of what Kylo could want with you. And his mind raced with thoughts of him hurting you or more, and the scare he’d seen on your cheek moments before burned in his mind.

Poe’s own lip was busted and his body ached from the interrogation he had just gone through. No matter how hard or how much the wailed on him, or tortured him, Poe had kept his mouth shut. He screamed through the pain and struggled his way through, never once giving up or submitting. The one thing that kept him strong was you. The thought of breaking free and saving you, so you both could be back home.

He earned to hold you again and it had only been a few hours since the two of you had been separated.

Poe wished for the opportunity to kiss and hold you again. Pleading in his mind that this would not be the death of you both. 

So he kept strong, the thought of returning to you the only thing keeping him strong.

And when the door opened again, he did not shutter in fear nor did he whimper at the thought of being beat and tortured. Instead, Poe kept his head high, his confidence strong and he clenched his fists, ready for whoever would walk through the door. He found himself pleasantly surprised the moment he noticed Kylo walk through, the same man who had started this all - but also who had taken you away from him.

Poe said nothing, knowing better than to reveal his weakness out loud. If Kylo managed to find out how much you meant to him, he could easily use you against him to make him say what Kylo wanted to hear. And despite all his resilience and his bravery, Poe didn’t know if he could handle the sight of you being injured or torture.

Poe could handle all the pain, but not on you.

“My soldiers tell me that no matter what torture we inflict on you, you’ve said nothing.” Kylo’s mask muffled his true voice - a front Poe figured, to make him more intimidating.

Poe said nothing, only glared. 

“I’m impressed.”

“Better rethink your technique.” Poe spat, following Kylo as he made his way round, reaching Poe’s side. Clenching his fists, Poe bit his lip to ignore the slight fear he felt radiate through him. And instead focused on one thing and that was you.

Suddenly Kylo raised his hand, and Poe could imagine the smug look on the sick mans face as he forced himself inside Poe’s head. Biting his lip harshly, Poe drew blood in a attempt to keep Kylo out of his head. But Kylo was much too strong for him, Poe had never trained in the force, never like Kylo and he easily found his way inside Poe’s brain.

It felt like his head was pounding, growing inside as the man wormed his way through his thoughts. The pain was blinding and Poe found his lips parting and a scream tearing it’s way out his mouth.

It felt like forever, the pain.

Then suddenly it stopped.

“Y/N,” Kylo said and Poe panted, his eyes opening in shock. He glanced over at Kylo, watching as the man suddenly left Poe’s side and paced across the room. Suddenly Kylo aggressively slipped off his mask, slamming it against the ground. It already looked worn but Poe watched as Kylo mercilessly beat on his own intimidation tactic.

Poe couldn’t help but wonder what exactly had upset him so much.

When Kylo turned back to him, eyes blazing with the anger that ran through him, Poe straightened himself over.

“You loved Y/N.” Kylo stated and Poe’s brows furrowed. 

Feeling worry flush through him, Poe leaned forward; “where is she?” Kylo said nothing, only laughed obnoxiously in his face. “You son of a bitch!” Poe yelled, thinking the worst. “What have you done with her? Did you hurt her-”

Poe felt his head smack against the metal behind him, his head throbbing. Forcing his eyes to glanced at Kylo, Poe found his hand raised, which he imagined was what was keeping his body strained like that and he saw the smirking expression of Kylo. “Hurt her?” Kylo mocked and Poe flinched, fighting the best he could against the force.

“I’ve done quite the opposite it.”

Poe’s eyes widened when realization flooded through him and his heart sunk - he hadn’t... had he?

“You’re quite mistaken, pilot.” Kylo spat, taking a step forward all while holding Poe in spot. “She wanted it.”

And then the world froze. Denial flooded Poe - that couldn’t be true...

“You’re lying.” Poe whispered, his voice strained. “Y/N would never...” But then he remembered the odd behaviour and the whispers and the hesitancy. Poe felt himself freeze. Then the force was come and Poe huffed forward, panting heavily as he looked down at his lap.

Nothing could explain the way he felt - but yet, he fought the truth. “Y/N would never - not with a man like you.” He spat.

“She would.” Kylo corrected, smirking. “And i’ll show you.”

more??? 

this chapter got quite... um, intense. give me some feedback letting me know what you thought!

leave suggestions for the next chapter!!!!

[valley-o]

tagged by @icxrusat as the jrwicord in general so i am Doing This

1. Number of works

10 on ao3, like 35 in the depths of Google docs

2. Word count

fuck knows- 23k ish on ao3 so I'd say 50k ish total?

3. Fandoms

The main ones of the year would be angel the series and just roll with it, with around the world in 80 days coming in as a late contender

4. Relationships

angel/lorne okay. it is a rarepair in an incredibly quiet fandom and i love it so much

5. Top kudos/bookmarks/comments

Kudos- Volatile with 193 kudos :D

Bookmarks- I'll give you one guess- (it's Volatile)

Comments- also Volatile with 14 comments

6. Work I'm most proud of- Voices! It's an AtS fic that fits fully within canon from before series 1 to just after series 5, it is short but it has a Proper Ending and i just like the tone of it :D

7. Work I'm least proud of- there are a couple of half-formed crossovers of dghda and angel in my docs that are honestly kind of shit

8. Favourite Review- THIS ONE

look at it!! there's so much thought put into it and Emotions and i love this comment so much

9. A time when writing was hard- i don't actively try to write consistently so I don't really know...i just go into Writing Mode sometimes and don't exactly feel the loss when I don't have ideas

10. Something that surprised you- how fuckin MUCH i wrote this year

11. Favourite excerpt

12. How did you grow as a writer- i finished a lot more stories! most were oneshots but they still had An Ending and that was a new thing for me

13. How do you hope to grow- maybe i can write a fic with more than one chapter for once /lh

14. Greatest positive influence- fandom in general! comments made me realise that people actually Like my writing style(and that i have one in the first place), other works inspiring me to contribute, it was all very cool

15. Anything from real life show up in your works- autism /lh.

i have written a fair few neurodivergent headcanon-centric fics in the year, and i find it very easy to project that kind of thing onto characters :)

16. Any wisdom to share with new writers- Write Shit and then Post It! despite what some people say you don't need to polish your work until it's perfect. I'd advise a quick read-over for typos, but even if some make it through you can just. edit your ao3 post. Sometimes it's better to just trust in your writing instead of constantly doubting yourself, yknow?

(however please do check for typos or you'll end up writing a character calling someone a nonce instead of a ponce and nobody wants that)

17. Projects you're looking forward to- im gonna write more shit about around the world in 80 days and nobody can stop me

18. tag time!- anyone else from jrwicord or gayheughell! also anyone who sees this. literally go for it

i have copied out all the questions for ease of tag game for anyone else who's gonna put this on tumblr

[briteboy]

(circumstantial name by @earnoodle)

IT’S FINALLY TIME FOR THE POST YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR (or maybe just that one anon)

there’s a LOT in here, newer questions are generally first so if you asked something a while ago and you’re only interested in that, scroll towards the bottom. also doing wcifs separately (errr i’m gonna try my hardest to ok don’t crucify me)

this mass anons post includes topics ranging from Very Sweet Things Said To Me That I Don’t Deserve, nitpicking stranger things, crying over ramona, lou theories, Cillian Is A Fucking Creep theories (true), and completely unhelpful reshade advice

let’s f0cking do this

You're right, apart from carrying his stupid brain, Santi's head didn't do anything to any of us. I apologize for anon.

I'm pretty sure I said that already but I love Rooney and Santi's relationship so much I literally have no words for it

ME TOO LIKE IT’S JUST SO PURE TWO NOT-KIDS SCARED OF THE ADULT WORLD TRYING TO FIGURE THINGS OUT WITH THEIR WEIRD BRAINS TOGETHER ;__; i love them

YO i didnt know u were a demigirl!! im a demiboy nb Buddies

hell fuckin yeah dude!! we are starting a demi club

Ok but like I really want werewolves. Like I know it sounds stupid but we have vampire and while yes I love my bat babes, I want a giant pupper friend. I have story written out and plans for a cabin to build. Now I’m waiting for EA to give me my big hairy babes.

DUDE i want more supernatural stuff too, mostly witches like I NEED MY WITCHES AGAIN!!! ts3 witches were so good. i didn’t like ts3 werewolves much but i feel like they’d be super cool in ts4, knowing how the vampires came out. i NEED it

hihi! i've been very quietly (??) following your blog for some time now and i just fawn over your characters way too much ?? anywho, i've been wanting to start my own little simblr story but ,, i'm not entirely sure where to even start? i have so many stories that i'd love to get out there, and i have the means.. butt, how did you go about starting out?? so sorry this is so long but i look up to you a whole ton!!! ty ily! :-)

i’m the (??) lmao that’s me always but ahdhghdfkshg thank you so much!!!!! i’m so glad you love them, it means the world to me ;-; and listen, that was me, i had no idea how i was going to do it because i’d only seen ts3 stories up to that point and i thought there was like a set Way to tell stories but i had no idea what i was doing so i was like y’know what...i’m just gonna do it how i feel comfortable doing it and i’m gonna figure it out as i go along. so honestly try to roughly plan out what your stor(ies) will entail and if you get stuck on planning and can’t figure it out, just jump right into it, try to make a few scenes or get the ball rolling somehow, even if it’s just random posts (i mean that’s all my blog was until i decided to commit to santi’s story.) it’s always gonna feel weird and awkward at first, but you’ll get comfortable the more you do it and it’ll figure itself out, trust me!

I read through most of your story posts the other day and now I’m rereading it again just to torture myself some more (and maybe catch up on some posts I may have missed). I honestly don’t think I’ve come across a sims story that’s so beautifully written & includes such evocative pictures as yours. I’m really at a loss for words, it’s all so stunning. & after a nearly two-month long creative block, it’s planted the smallest seed of inspiration in the back of my mind, so thank you for your art.

AHHHH AHSDHKGKDSJG WHAT!!!!! it’s always crazy hearing that 1) people actually care about my stuff, and 2) that it inspires them. like i really cannot believe that, stilL!! thank you so so much, i’m so happy you enjoyed it (as torturous as it was, lmao) it seriously warms my heart that you’re getting your groove back in the creative world, that means more to me than ANYTHING!! good luck with your art or whatever you decide to do with that inspiration!

 can i pls have your editing skill please and thank you

i owe most my editing at this point to reshade so honestly get reshade and u will probably become better than me

o added u on animal crossing and when you added me back i was so happy,, your little person is sooo adorable ((:

OMG!! thank you!! everyone’s person on there is adorable i cry i love them all so much i’m so mad tho it won’t let me add any more friends!!! it probably cuts off at like 100 friends or something STUPID

First of all, I love you. Secondly, I love your photos so much. I'm legit about to just ditch sims 3 for 4 now because of your amazing posts. 😖

LMFAO no but really THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!!! if you can manage playing both i admire u, i’ve invested too much time and effort into ts4 to ever fully go back to any other sims games tbh

The new patch made my game unplayable! I'm crying, I miss my doggos...

NOOOOO!!! hopefully by now you’ve found a fix, i’m prayin for u

long time listener, first time caller yoooo. i like everyone love your stories and your sim aesthetic so so so much and just tbh i was offended on your behalf about that ask from that person wanting to novelize your stories. like you were way too nice. this is your intellectual property and it's fucked up that someone would think it'd be okay to duplicate it as long as they used a different medium. this is prob a bad one to repost just wanted to you to know you're an awesome, singular voice

omfg lmao this is a radio show now *z100 voice* tellem why ya mad euhhh first of all i can’t believe someone even ASKED that, i’m in shock because like what this is so foreign to me. people want to write about MY characters WHAT! like that alone...takes a long time to process. and like i know i should say no but then i feel mean but they’re also my creations so like idk. it warms my heart that you feel so strongly and would stand up for me like that i’m cryin thank u for calling in i love u

I JUST FINISHED YOUR ENTIRE STORY AND I'M NOT OK WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PUTTING ME THROUGH THAT SHIT IT'S AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER AND I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE ABUSED MY (NON EXISTENT) INNOCENCE WOW

I’M SO SORRY U HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT ALSO I APOLOGIZE FOR STEALING YOUR INNOCENCE I NEVER MEANT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN OSDAFKJDSK BUT THANK YOU FOR READING I’M GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT EVEN IF IT HURT YOU!!!

I've been up all night and it's now 11am. I'm completely binging on your stories bc I am in LOVE and need a Molly in my game asap. Do you think you'll ever upload her?

omG my freaking story inciting insomnia i’m so sorry for ur sleep schedule first of all, but at least that makes you identify with santi even more omg tho ;___; (how many times will i say ‘omg’ i wonder) i don’t think so because she is so dear to me and makes my heart ache, she is just so special, i dunno if i could ever release her into the wild like that lmao. i haven’t even shared her with my friends (not that i really ever had a reason to) but like yeah. maybe in the future that’ll change but right now, no, i’m sorry <3

To change the topic: Idk if you watch stranger things but I only managed to get to episode 3 of season 2 before I stopped watching lmao it was so bad and Billy (a certified Cunt) ruined the whole show for me

YEAH I DID! omg. i have a LOT of issues with this season (mostly in how badly they tried to retcon nancy and everyone else not caring about barb’s death, how bad the writing was in the realm of nancy and steve breaking up and then her and jonathan getting together...holy fuck it was so uncomfortable with that 40 yr old conspiracy theorist guy i couldn’t even enjoy my ship getting together lmao) also ur right, max and billy honestly did not offer anything to the story...like i loved max too but what was the point...billy acted like their presence and the reason they had to move was so dramatic when it was really nothing...unless they’re saving that for season 3 but like. the whole situation with billy was so anticlimactic. he was like a walmart version of henry from IT. like boohoo ur dad’s an asshole and then he beat up steve. good character arc. i liked max standing up for herself but really...that whole thing was so lackluster, i didn’t care about it at all. ALSO I HATED THAT THEY DIDN’T LET MAX AND ELEVEN BE FRIENDS!! i’m sure it’ll happen in season 3 but like c’mon...that would’ve made the max character feel a little more important to the story. anyway yeah fuck billy and i don’t get why everyone is lusting after him or his actor they’re both ugly! thanks for listening

I just got the sims 4 + city living and I’m so excited! I was really inspired by your stories and style in general... I was wondering what packs do you have and also what are your favourite sims 4 hairs? I’m having trouble finding ones and I love your style!

YAY I’M EXCITED FOR YOU!!! omg aww it warms my heart so much when people say i inspire them because i never anticipated that kind of response, thank you so much <3 hmmm i think i have all of them except glamour stuff and fitness stuff. and pretty much all the hairs i download are here or here. (or the subsequent ‘tf’, ‘cf’, ‘tm’ and ‘cm’ tags as well, according to age)

UHM a 19 year old and a 13 year old? Poor baby Lou... Also youre a brilliant writer i cant

😬😬😬  stay tuned ajasdhjhjsahd thank you so much!!!

My stan levels for you have increased so much? like thanks for being a good ally, clAps for femmesim!

lmao thank you, i don’t really deserve praise tho i’m just passing on the knowledge of those patient enough to teach me. just trying to do what i can with my privilege u know. ily

How do you have teeth showing in so many of your pictures of Lou and Molly, do you PS them in?

i’ve gotten this question before and it’s usually just the poses used! i do have some lipsticks that have teeth on them but i mostly use them for just rooney.

Honestly, a fight between Santi and that new guy (srry, forgot his name while typing this) would be so hot. Like, I hope Santi would win but like just watching Santi fight him for Lou would make me happy!! Also, I live for your stories💞

omG i’m about to call up vince mcmahon they both need to fight on smackdown it’s gonna happen. they’ll both be shirtless too ok and THANK YOU ILY

boi poc can be PREJUDICED against white people but there is no such thing as reverse racIIIIIIiiiiIIIIIiiiIIIIsm

Lemme just say that you must be feeling so stressed rn. I love you and your simblr!!! Your posts light up my day!! <3333

OMg kind of. this week has taken A Lot out of me and i really just want to chill at home and play my freaking GAME but obligations. u know. here’s hoping i get a day off this week. i’m mad i’m probably gonna miss gianni’s birthday too (it’s on tuesday) and i wanted to do something for it!! i’ll probably do it late like i did last year too lmao i’m so sorry baby g ANYWAY u didn’t ask to hear about any of this...thank you for this sweet message i love you <3

why,,,, are people... coming to your blog to discuss race you are a fucking simblr WHAT

the real question is why do people go to you like its your job to educate them lmao like theres so many resources out there

SHAWDY u aint wrong reverse racism is literally a joke i am so sorry you have to go through all of this keep stepping on white feelings we deserve it

I was wondering would u consider Asians to be POC?

yes

I just finished Strange the Dreamer and it was fucking amazing. I cried so much and I laughed and I sat in absolute amazement at the world Laini Taylor has created. 100/10 would recommend

ahhhh i really need to read it apparently!! i’m like 10% away from being done with a dance with dragons (and then i have to wait for the next book like a peasant HURRY UP KING GEORGE) anyway this one is definitely on my list!

omgomg!! I just met this girl in my class who has eyes just like ramona's!!! But like instead of being brown w/ a little bit of blue, they were blue w/ a little bit of brown!!! Dude I was so shook I rlly didn't think ppl had eyes like that!

OMG!!!! that’s amazing! and yes heterochromia is a real thing haha. i’ve only met one person with it and he had the same color combo as ramona too, only his was full heterochromia, not sectoral.

*me in the background screaming* nO yOU LEAVE HER ALoNE baD-DAD-MaN!

ME TF TOO

every time i read some of your stories i get an ache in my heart that doesn't go away until i either cry or sleep so interpret that as you like

OMG ;_____; ok me too tho my heart literally hurts thinking about my characters sometimes...mostly santi...i hate him (no i don’t :{ )

hey uhh idk if you've answered something like this before but do you have a spotify or something bc your music taste is GOLD

THANK YOU!! you were the first person to ask about this haha and hopefully you saw my answer to the other question about it! i just made one and it’s here!

hi hi ! i’m seeing all the drama on da blog and i really want to read the whole story but i can’t get to it on mobile so i was wondering if you could link the beginning and tell me what the best order to read it in is ( i’m so confused because i’ve seen sm people y’all about a parallel story so idk if i’m being dumb !! ) i hope this isn’t any inconvenience also your sims are so beautiful sjajsjajs

hey on mobile the link is just: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono i would honestly just recommend that order haha, it makes things simpler and it encompasses ALL story posts, or posts that give context. there are parallels in my story, lou’s is kind of a parallel of santi’s, only different...well...you’ll see. but yeah sorry this is so late! and thank you!!!

TU HISTORIA ES TAAAAAN BUENA POR DIOOOOS (YOURE STORY IS SOOOOO GOOD OMG) <3 <3 *OO* *cries in spanish*

MUCHAS GRACIAS ENCANTADORA PERSONAAAA <333

lou is wendy right? i mean, a wendy complex is someone who is overly mothering to partners, and lou is already a mother and ik that doesn't really count as foreshadowing but it seems like it could be a link to me. it'd make sense too, considering guys that go after younger girls (ew) are usually immature ie peter pan complex. it'd make the most sense that those two go together then.

heheheheh that is a VERY good observation...that’s all i’m gonna say!!

This has nothing to do with what's happening in the story rn, but whatever. I was wondering if you were going to mention lou's struggles with being a single mom and the stigma surrounding single motherhood? As a single mother myself I'd really enjoy seeing you take on the issue. Personally, my biggest problem was overcoming the generalizations people put on you when you're a single mom. People always assumed that I that I was stupid and uneducated because I had my son when I was 17.

yes! that will definitely come up. i will focus a lot on her struggles as a single mom. so far i’ve mostly just peppered in some stuff about money troubles, and that will come up again, and the issues you mention will be pretty central to her character as well. i’m sorry you have to endure that, it’s not fair. people don’t even realize how strong and dedicated single mothers are.

when you say Peter Pan, do you mean the Disney stuff or the og creepy stuff?

i mean the general themes of the story and how that translates into a peter pan complex: boy who never grows up, feels like he fits in more with younger people (haha...yikes), read the message above because that anon described the other half of the equation better than i could

Wait, hold up. That dude is cute but I feel like he’s coming onto Lou way too strong. I have a bad feeling.. Lou is like 13 there and he is 19 I mean I’ve seen bigger gaps between people, but she is not legal yet.. Where are you going with this? 🤨😅

yyyyyyep that feeling is warranted! i am going a way i don’t think you guys expect me to go...i think you’ll be very confused at the end of this part lmao. that being said, i’m not putting any of this in for shock value or to romanticize inappropriate relationships like this. (i’m probably going to be repeating that a LOT for this story but please just keep that in mind)

Hey mom wanna hear a fun as hell story? I just got back from the ER bc I fell on my razor after showering, and practically cut my nipple in half. (I am in so much pain hELP)

OMFG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR POOR NIPPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M SO SORRY I HOPE IT FEELS BETTER PLEASE UPDATE ME ON THE NIPPLE STATUS

U gotta watch sense8!!! Apart from the v awkward sex scenes it's v good, has a lot of representation and shit Just watch that shit show, u won't regret it (And if you do I cut your throat oops)

i’ve heard it’s good! i remember when it first came out and everyone was like Wow The Representation so honestly anything with diversity has already got me hooked pls don’t murder me.

I'm calling it now. He's Fi's dad. and he's a FUCKING CREEP!! Bitch you are 19!! LOU IS 13!! BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU PERV!!

no spoilers or anything but honestly i’m with you @ cillian die

Are they gonna fucc, o no

right now? no. that would be Very Bad

bABY ITS COLD OUTSIDE

oh same

Hi ! Your lastest edit (graveyard girl) is truly amazing, how did you make that bokeh behind her ? 😱😍

thank you so much!!! it’s reshade (with matso DOF)!

You've probably got this question a lot of times but i can't find the answer for it. What reshade do you use?

i gotta add this to my faq, it’s one i created myself but i started out with this one (it totally doesn’t resemble that one anymore but i think it’s a good starting point)

how do you make good looking male sims? mine always look the same and kinda girly..

hmmm longer faces, prominent chins and jaws, smaller eyes, bigger noses...generally yeah

What do you mean 9 + alt?

you gotta turn bb.moveobjects on and then press alt + 9 when an object is selected to move it upward. so what i did with those poses i made was, i selected a teleporter and pressed alt + 9 until it was at a spot i liked on the roof. that’s why releasing those poses would be tricky, ‘cause every build is different so there’s no set way to place them, you just kinda have to play around with them

You mentioned GoT so naturally, I have to chime in and express my love for Jon. Honestly, he won me over ever since the first season? I'm at season 5 now and people have already warned me so now i'm silently weeping, waiting for something to happen to my precious bby help

JONNY BOY!!!!!!!!!!! i loved his emo ass since the beginning but his arc with qorin halfhand (was he in the show??) was probably the best arc in book 2 and then his book 3 arc was just...SO GOOD, SO MUCH happens to him and i just felt like i was watching my son go through it all...i love that boy so much ;-; i’m almost at the end of the last book and i’m scared for him because of the one spoiler i know lmao and you’re at that point too so GET READY we’ll go through it together ok

So there's this game I'm playing where someone talking about another character says 'maybe you can break him from his ouroboros of self-fladulation' (I know I probably butchered those spellings but I'm not a bright egg and autocorrect isn't helping rip) and tbh it made me think of Santi. (Also I'mma scream of you get this reference jsyk)

OMG THE FACT THAT YOU THOUGHT OF HIM ;-; and it’s okay u are the brightest egg in the bunch to me. I’M SORRY I DON’T GET THIS REFERENCE BECAUSE I’M NOT A VIDEO GAME PERSON BUT I’LL PRETEND I DO KNOW WHAT UR TALKING ABOUT anyway yes santi is currently in the process of breaking his self-flagellation and embracing the oneness of the ouroboros (as opposed to letting the cycle repeat itself until he’s worn down to nothing)

do you have any favorite pose creators?

answered

do you have any tips for taking good screenshots in game? like how to get the good angles and good quality? i play on ultra but i think when i zoom in and then use the arrows on my keyboard to move around, the pictures gets less clear and looks kinda blurry. how should i do this?

well if you’re already using ultra, there’s not much you can do lmao. sims 4 is just bad with textures in general. it also depends on the objects as well, some are better quality than others. if i zoom in far on a sim’s face, i generally know there will be some pixelation and i can clean that up in photoshop with topaz clean and the smudge tool. i am very reliant on photoshop sometimes lmao. it sounds like you already have the basics of taking good screenshots, it’s just sometimes you have to fight and work with sims 4′s less-than-hd quality.

burn it down by daughter reminds me of santi & i'm in pain

ouroboros!!! death! birth! death again! birth again rinse repeat! also santi breaking the cycle because third time's the charm

The tattoo is an Ouroboros. It originated in Egyptian iconography, and it symbolizes recreation. My boy's recreating himself, I'm so proud.

ouroboros, the dragon eating its own tail. it's a sign of eternal renewal

i saw the post of child molly and just started BAWLING i miss her what the fuck she's my fave character i'M CRYING

ME TOO BICH!! ME FUCKIN TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just read all of A Serious Case Of The Novembers so far and theres still tears on my face. some of the best stuff ive read in a while, great job on everything

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ALSO I’M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU CRY

every time you write about molly and her in heaven it makes my heart swell, like the characters were answering asks and someone asked her what heaven was like and even though it was so small short lil answer it still pulls at the heart strings, basically what im trying to say is that your writing is so good! <3

omg ;_______; me too, i feel like she has such a simple way with words and although her descriptions of heaven are brief, they are also complex and beautiful, and even just writing it chokes me up ;-; thank you so much tho i’m so glad you like it!!

Molly: out Molly tatto: also out

why did this remind me of this post:

How did you edit in the fire in the last post? Looks cool

i searched things like “bonfire” and pasted parts of it that i wanted on the pic to make it look more realistic, then put a layer mask on the pasted pic and erased the edges and stuff to make it blend in better. the sparks and stuff i added by pasting it onto a new layer and changing the blending mode to screen! 

idk if you have every watched grey anatomy but Lou's backstory is starting to remind me of Jo (Jo is a character from the show) like Jo was in a abusive relationship and she is married to the guy but she cant get divorced or he will come and find her. So like if Lou didn't tell Fiona's dad he was a dad and Lou was married to him and cant escape the marriage (cause abuse), plus it would explain Lou's kink with being choked ;) full circle *god-like heaven music with tiniest violin is playing now*

ooh no i don’t but that’s interesting and i’m excited you even made a connection like that! i will say that it’s not lou who likes to be choked (the very opposite actually lmao) but otherwise the situation does kinda fit. i’m the violin

I have a freakin bio pre ap test tomorrow on photosynthesis and i have no idea what it is im going to fail save me

I’M ANSWERING THIS VERY LATE BUT I HOPE YOUR TEST WENT WELL!!!!!! *spongebob voice* photosynthesis

last time I installed reshade I couldn't get it to open the controls or shaders or anything in game :///// any tips?? I love they way reshade looks too!!

hmmmmm well i know the control panel opens when you press shift + f2, and then you check the boxes of the effects you want on them. i haven’t heard of this problem so i dunno what other advice to give i’m sorry :{ if it’s your first time installing it, you might have to wait a little to get it to load up.

Da puppy is so cute!!!

That dog and Romona are so adorable, I might cry

Ramona's cheeks are so big im in love

NAJKSDJGKJSD THANK YOU i love her and her chubby cheeks ;-;

OMG TOTORO IS SO BEAUTIFUL I LOVE GHIBLI UGH FKSJFJANFB

SAME!!!!!!! if i could only watch ghibli movies for the rest of my life i’d be totally fine with that

THE DOGGIE HAS EYES JUST LIKE RAMONAS IM GONNA FUCKIGN CRY

ME FUCKGN TOO!!!!!!!!!! it was fate (aka me creating the wolf pup to look just like her shh i am fate)

Hope I'm not bothering you but i wondered if you knew how to make Tamo sims eyebags work on a toddler? Do I just click in s4s to work for toddler on the "age and gender flags" when looking in My CC or do I have to do something a little more than that please? Thank you.

for any skin detail or makeup, you have to go into s4s and open the package up, go to one of the tabs (honestly i don’t remember which one because i don’t have it open rn lmao) and you’ll see the different age groups and you check the box for toddler. and then save it of course. (there’s probably a better guide on how to do this somewhere lmao)

Hey :) Sorry to take up your time, I was wondering if you use win7, win8 or win10? I'm trying to decide on one and people seem to have very strong feelings about it. Also what web browser do you use? I've used Firefox, but I had some problems on CC websites. Thanks<3

i use windows 10 because it came with my laptop lmao i honestly don’t know much about windows systems at all!! and i use google chrome because it’s never failed me (even though windows keeps pressuring me to use the new internet explorer called “edge”)

i just finished all of novembers in a sitting and 1. i'm Sobbing, 2. your music taste is bomb

THANK YOU!!! my music taste is like one part indie shit, one part rap and hip-hop, twelve parts emo middle school bands

what is the size of the original unedited screenshot?

1920x1080

For reshade when your first install and select the reshade you want to use do you have to edit the settings? Cause last time I tried to (I didn’t know what most of the things meant lmao) but it kept saying error or something so I couldn’t play the game so I ended up taking out reshade

do you mean the preset you want to use? i mean no you can just play with that preset, you don’t have to change anything about it. i’m not sure what you mean but i followed this guide for setting it up

Will you ever share your preset?? Or maybe a preset made be you??

i’ve answered this before but the answer is Maybe

Hi!!!! How do you make the rays of light you have in your photos?? THANK U BBY <3333

that’s actually in my editing tutorial but here you go <3

is reshade only available on windows + do we need to pay for it

yes and no

Hello love! I was wondering (and maybe it's a dumb question, idk) but what life span setting do you use? I would assume you turned off aging for your story but maybe I'm wrong ;w; Thank you!!

i do actually have aging off ‘cause i’m a coward lmao even in the ts3 days when i wasn’t doing story stuff and literally just playing i had it off for the most part and just aged sims up when i wanted because i like to be in control of Everything (aries)

I really just wanted to say that I’m new I your tumblr but your stories are amazing and I love them so much!!! Keep doing what you’re doing💞👏🏼

hey thank you!!! you are so kind and i’m glad you’re enjoying everything!!

In your reshade settings where have you set it to save your SS's to and which key please? I can't find mine after setting it to desktop/screenshots :(

i just set mine to ts4′s screenshots folder because it’s what i was used to and it works for me haha. hmmmmmm did you copy the exact address or whatever it’s called of your folder’s location and then paste it into the reshade box? try doing that with another location and see if it works. if anything you can do what i did ‘cause it worked for me 

ok SO i came across this music video for this like spanish/english speaking indie band called The Marías and the song was déjate llevar and literally everything about the music video reminded me of rooney and gianni

OMMMGGG i love this so much, i cry @ music suggestions and this is so them ;-; i think i’ve heard of this band before actually!!

a little life is going to fucking ruin you,,, just a warning

great! i look forward to it

can a steal ur talent

have it i don’t need it

What app are you using to make them cool edit things??

i tagged it but it was doodle face

omg Strange the Dreamer is so freaking amazing! It’s literally one of my favorite books of all time; You’ll love it. The writing is absolutely delightful

you guys are really singin the praises for this book!! i have so many dang books to read i swear

[mosquecannon17-blog]

Nextgen Hifu & Femiwand

Cryopen Basingstoke Cryotherapy reading Cryopen Skin Treatments Newbury.

Content

just How Do You remove It?

Facelift treatment

recovery Time.

regarding Skin tags.

just How Is A Facelift treatment Performed?

Cryopen X Cryotherapy Pen.

my skin feels as well as looks freshened as well as i have actually had several compliments from family members/friends. i would recommend this treatment to anyone and also can truthfully claim its worth it. I entered into the birmingham clinic to have a hydra-facial treatment done. I study evaluations on this treatment and also seen some great reviews so made a decision to go for it.

just How Do You do Away With It?

Does cryotherapy tighten loose skin?

Cryotherapy Weight Loss This metabolic increase can last 3 to 5 days and may become permanent in just a few sessions. This treatment will also reduce cellulite and tighten any loose skin without surgery. Localized cryotherapy can safely target those areas on the body that you specifically want to trim.

Genital tightening with FemiWand ® is a non-invasive cosmetic treatment that recovers the appearance and function of the vaginal location. Lots of females have both inner as well as outside changes in their private regions after giving birth as well as aging. This can consist of lax genital muscles and cells in addition to less eye-catching labia.

Selected this as I wanted a treatment that wouldn't need me requiring time off job. After talking with a couple of firms that supply non invasive face raises, i determined to proceed with VIVO as Anthony was definitely amazing and also absolutely nothing was too much problem for him. After sharing my concerns, he talked me via the procedure and ensured me that I would certainly be taken care of and also I truthfully! The therapy was entirely pain totally free, just a little prickling which I obtained utilized to eventually. I had my face, my neck and also my decolletage provided for a really good price; it has just been just over a month since I have had my therapy as well as I've been seeing many enhancements, mainly on my upper body and also around my eyes. Truly satisfied with the therapy as well as I'm thrilled to see the full outcomes.

I had the hifu treatment done 5 months back and i am so delighted with the results, i have seen a distinction in my under eye location as well as my jowel location. i remorse not going for the full works, which would have been worth it for the added quantity. i would recommend this therapy to any person who desires some "UMPH" to the skin. I had the femiwand treatment done at the birmingham clinic, I was made to really feel so comfortable before the treatment as well as while I was undertaking the treatment.

Facelift therapy

I had the genital tightening up as well as I assumed it went actually well and I am currently waiting on outcomes and also will upgrade my review once I begin seeing results. After having a program of skin tightening treatments my belly is currently so strong as well as tight.

I had a non-surgical facelift done from the birmingham center 3 months back, i had an examination before my therapy which discussed what to expect from the therapy. after the treatment i had some soreness and rigidity of the skin.

if you are searching for non surgical face lifts at an excellent cost then you have involved the right location. The HIFU treatment I had with vivo center has actually truly exceeded my expectations.

You can go back to your everyday regular immediately, and also after 72 hrs you can return to sex. It is recommended that you wait 24 hours prior to resuming workout. A key benefit of vaginal tightening with FemiTone is that no downtime is required adhering to the therapy. Had a fat freeze treatment at Vivo clinic as well as i was enjoyable about it. Team was wonderful, prior to the therapy i was clarified regarding all the actions as well as what they are going to do with my fat, the therapy took few hours but in those hours i have not feel any paint or pain. Acquired after Fat freezing toning Warwick and was adhering to the suggests the personnel offered me as well as currently after two and the fifty percent weeks i can see the outcomes and feeling actually satisfied concerning it. At first I was extremely skeptical concerning the HIFU treatment as I have fairly delicate skin and was frightened of the idea of having anything done to my face.

As we age, however, collagen manufacturing reduces particularly in a few of the deep layers of the face.

On the body the body the ultra sound resonance is altered to accomplish weight loss as well as skin smoothing and also tightening.

We frequently combine face therapies like radio frequency therapy to boost the impacts of the treatment.

Among one of the most essential layers to maintain skin on the face 'tight' is the SMAS layer.

Some of the elements that maintains skin in this problem are collagen and also elastin, proteins that we have in abundances in our youth.

HIFU treatment has a tendency to last between 60 and also 90 minutes, depending upon areas dealt with.

Some people might experience swelling, prickling, or tenderness, though this is brief.

Clients might experience a mild inflammation later on, though this need to diminish within a couple of hrs.

recuperation Time.

Vivo's "non-surgical" vaginal tightening procedure includes 2 various treatments - one where a "FemiWand" is positioned inside the vaginal area to rotate as well as produce ultra-sound waves, and one more where a "tightening sphere" is placed. A key advantage of vaginal tightening with FemiWand ® is that no downtime is called for complying with the therapy.

regarding Skin marks.

How long does it take to heal after cryotherapy?

Pain from cryotherapy can last up to 3 days. Healing is generally quick (7 to 14 days) with little or no scarring. Within hours after treatment, a blister may form. If the blister breaks, clean the area to prevent the spread of the wart virus.

considering that ive had the treatment my skin really feels revitalized and looks a lot even more much healthier and also glowy. i will most definitely continue having my sessions for this therapy as its doing wonders for my skin. i would advise this therapy to anybody who feel like they have plain skin. I had actually a therapy done at the birmingham center for the fat freezing therapy, i had actually the therapy done 4 months back on my belly location as well as love deals with.

I had a bit of drooping after having my child, today i can finally return into my swimwears. obtained my lips done about 2 weeks ago currently the swelling has gone down they look outstanding i would advise this clinic to anybody who wants there lips done as the ladys are beautiful and made me really feel actually comfortable with the treatment. was extremely pleased with the staffs mindset and have reserved in for another therapy.

Should I treat my child verruca?

If the answer to number 1 and 2 is no, just don't bother to treat it. Most verruca's spontaneously resolve in 2 years in children. Their immune system is incredible and will eventually see this clever little virus and seek and destroy!

i have actually definitely seen a difference given that ive had the treatment, im extremely delighted with my results. i would certainly suggest this therapy to anyone who wants that lift to there encounter. I had the non surgical facelift at the Birmingham facility, it has actually now been 3 months and also i have actually seen a difference in my skin in the feel and also appearance.

The woman at the facility was so beautiful as well as very chatty in the direction of me as I enjoy to chat away. The results of the therapy were fantastic, I am extremely delighted with exactly how it ignores currently contrasted to prior to I had it done. Our non-invasive genital tightening up treatment utilizes HIFU (high-intensity concentrated ultrasound) to enhance and tighten up the vaginal wall surfaces. The FemiWand vaginal tightening up is suitable for healthy women over 30 and also intends to "restore skin elastin and restructure genital cells." FemiWand ® is a high-intensity concentrated ultrasound treatment that makes use of a powerful ultrasound power, applying focused thermal heating to the inner layers of vaginal tissue. The warmth causes contraction of collagen and also elastin and permits lasting modification by boosting regrowth of these necessary healthy proteins.

i should claim the outcomes are better than what i anticipated and also will be going back to have one more session. my spouse has actually seen a distinction in the location and its made me really feel a great deal much more certain concerning myself. The personnel at the clinic were extremely pleasant and made spoke me via the entire therapy to make me really feel at ease. I am very happy with the treatment rates at vivo center, I have took a look at other facilities and also they are very pricey contrasted to vivo. I believe the prices are sensible and are definitely worth it for the therapies. i am a routine client so i have had a couple of various therapies done, i would certainly not have my treatments done anywhere else.

exactly How Is A Facelift treatment Performed?

The accuracy of the treatment permits overall control over the movement and strength of the ultrasound to ensure optimum convenience for every person. Events such as these instance the skin's natural collagen to be to be changed with fibres that do not recoil or extend appropriately.

What are the side effects of cryotherapy?

The most common side effects of any type of cryotherapy are numbness, tingling, redness, and irritation of the skin. These side effects are almost always temporary. Make an appointment with your doctor if they don't resolve within 24 hours.

Many people will not look for treatment for vaginal laxity as they believe it calls for an expensive as well as risky operation. Our therapy is an affordable, clinically proven, non-surgical technique of vaginal renewal. A non-surgical procedure for vaginal tightening is the brand-new blessing to woman... ask any kind of lady that has actually visited her Medical professional concerning her vajayjay not playing the game. It's an extensive process to get the surgical procedure they need and some never obtain referred for it. Our FemiWand genital tightening modern technology makes use of high-frequency focussed ultrasound to strengthen as well as tighten the vaginal area. We developed FemiWand making use of the same innovation that has been efficiently used in non-surgical renovations. After https://lancashire.lipo-sculpt.co.uk/ , customers can see a notable reduction in vaginal dry skin, persisting infections, and also urinary system incontinence.

I truly didnt understand what to anticipate, I thought id simply try as I didnt have anything to shed yet I am truly satisfied i decided to choose the treatment, my good friends have claimed I check out least 5 years more youthful. lovely staff members, im a regular client and im always satisfied with the service i get. Wonderful treatment I ad with Danielle, lovely woman as well as made certain I felt comfy in all times.

These changes can also influence health, as women have lowered feeling in the location and reduced sex-related pleasure. Hifu genital firm is giving females the appearance and also feature they when took pleasure in without cuts or stitches. Genital tightening with FemiTone is a non-invasive, non-surgical therapy to recover and to restructure vaginal tissue without using anaesthetic or numbing lotions. FemiTone is a high-intensity concentrated ultrasound treatment that makes use of an effective ultrasound energy, applying focused thermal home heating to the inner layers of genital cells. We thought about that consumers would translate the advertisement to indicate that the FemiWand might give reliable therapy for vaginal tightening and also the various other recognized conditions.

[aces-drew]

Fan fic/hc idea. Peter has nightmares about Michelle dying

hey anon!

i hope you are having a wonderful day and i also hope you have more wonderful days coming your way. thank you so much for the fic idea, i really enjoyed writing this and because i enjoyed it so much, it ended up being longer than i expected (i hope you don’t mind and it’s worth your time).

if you liked it, feel free to send me more fic/hc ideas, i’d love to get back into writing.

hope you enjoy it xx

SPIDYCHELLE FANFICTION

author : michellejonessparker (previously: onesolilquy)

word count : 2,385 words

tags : angst, fluff

warnings : none

MJ waited for her best friend to come back to their shared apartment; she was on the couch watching an old documentary as she always did, her hand tracing over the number buttons of the local news channel she was convincing herself not to enter into the screen.

There’s a sense of urgency in her, one that unsettles her every single night. She was never one to care about friends to be very honest, she kept to herself and mostly overwhelmed herself with objective interests like music and her education. But she found herself stunned at how much she’d grown over the past few years.

Not only did she have friends, but now, at twenty-one, she found herself seeking their company because one thing that Ned and Peter had been since high school, was loyal. They were always there when she needed them; on a good day, when she was really excited to share some resources she found on making information easier to grasp for the academic decathlon, or on a not so good day, when she had really bad cramps because of her period and aunt may passed along some chicken noodle soup through two spluttering, awkward boys that didn’t really know what to say or do when they knew their best friend was bleeding through her genitals. They were such dorks she had realised, but, very dependable dorks.

She had figured out who Peter was way before he told her (because she was definitely smarter than Ned and Peter’s shit excuses), but when he did tell her, probably about eight months into his ‘stark internship’, she ignored her heart stuttering at the trust he had in her and just took it as a very blatant opportunity to shun him for thinking she didn’t know. And she continued to ignore her heart stutter when Peter was being Peter for the proceeding years; she ignored it when he hugged her after winning their second decathlon, ignored it when he kissed her cheek at graduation, and ignored it even when they got into the same uni, hugged her for a moment too long and offered his apartment for sharing because she still hadn’t found a place to live. Basically, she was ignoring the way she felt about him, but that wasn’t the point.

The clock that was placed just above their tv read half past midnight, and she couldn’t do it anymore. She sipped on her tea as she switched channels, and the news droned on about spiderman successfully stopping a bank robbery and apprehending the convicts with minimal damage. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

The location was twenty minutes from their apartment, so she gave it ten minutes before he came back. However, it was only forty five minutes later that Peter came knocking on the door, deathly pale and incredibly bruised.

“What the hell Parker, the reports said that there was minimal damage during the intervention!”

“Yeah, minimal damage to the goddamned bank.”

She beat herself up for the amount of concern she was showing, but she couldn’t help it because she wasn’t sure if he was dying or not. She went beside him to lend some support to the poor boy, he could barely stand.

“I’m not dying MJ, just help me clean my wounds and it’ll be fine. Don’t overthink this please; they’re only a few bruises.”

She hated him for that, how the hell did he know what she was thinking?

MJ had always commended herself for being difficult to read, but this boy was so good at it, and is was incredibly infuriating. Alas, she gave in to that she was told; to be honest, she was just really glad he was okay. After cleaning up his wounds and helping him make tea; because he insisted he could make his own when the dork could barely stand, they headed to her bedroom. It was a ritual of sorts; save the day, clean the wounds together, drink tea, chat, peter leaves to sleep.

Today however, something felt different. She tried to ignore it as she carefully placed herself at the corner of her bed facing the wall. Peter usually took the couch next to her bed, but today he sat opposite her. It wasn’t as intimate as it felt to her; the boy was just sitting in front of her.

“Okay, question.” he said to her, not really looking at her.

“Shoot loser, it’s not like we have all night.” She hurriedly exclaimed while she tried to calm her heart pounding with a foreign intensity.

“Uhmm, well, umm, I was just, umm-”

“Yes?” She tried to sound as confident as she could… as un-desperate as she could.

“Can I sleep with you today?” he spluttered.

Michelle was stunned at the question; it was the first of its kind. Sure she had been on a bed, with a boy before, ten years ago at math camp, but she was confident that this was a little bit more intimate.

“What?”

“Um well, I’m just super tired, and um, I was just wondering, because honestly walking up to my room right now, um, I was just thinking maybe, um-”

“Yeah okay, sure.”

“What?”

“Yeah okay Parker, how many times do I have to say it?”

She found herself surprised at saying yes; she had fantasised about this for god knows how long, but the reality of it was… confusing? Unexpected? Weird?

She didn’t really know.

So yeah, that’s what happened, after MJ got Peter his blanket from his room, she slept next to the wall, and Peter slept next to her.

MJ heard whimpers at first.

It wasn’t disconcerting specifically, but it sure as hell annoyed her, because if Michelle Jones loved anything (other than Peter Parker of course, but that’s again besides the point), she loved her sleep. So naturally, she was bothered by weird sounds waking her up.

She then felt a slight tremor next to her.

Now that disconcerted her, and it also successfully forced her awake enough for her to realise that it was Peter. She realised that her fantasies were far better than the actual thing because one, she didn’t have a lot of space to sleep with him practically invading her bed, and two, Peter was sure as hell a loud sleeper.

At her annoyance, she nudged him.

She did it again.

And again.

But it literally did nothing.

“Honestly Parker, what the hell?” MJ uttered sitting up.

When she turned to kick him awake, she saw something she really didn’t want to. Peter’s blanket was strewn on the floor, and he was hugging himself almost too hard, eyes shut tightly and shivering abnormally. She touched his forehead checking for sweat, evidently there, and realised that he was having a night terror. And from what she could tell, it was a really bad one.

She felt really stupid then; of course his responsibilities had lasting psychological effects on him, how could they not? The boy was turned superhuman when he was a teenager and fought way too many battles completely irrelevant to him. Peter Parker was unrelenting, compassionate, empathetic and someone who went out of his goddamn way for other people, no wonder his brain was trying to find an out.

She was at a loss for thoughts because she had never really expected to see her best friend so emotionally vulnerable, so unexpectedly. Sure, somedays he came home severely hurt, unable to move or walk or even stand; but never had she encountered Peter in an attitude that wasn’t witty and optimistic. Thus, looking at how Peter was shrivelling into himself right now, she was terrified.  

“MJ…” Peter seemed to stutter her name.

She let out a relieved sigh, he woke up. But before she could call out to him in response, asking him to hoist himself up to sit straight, he continued talking.

“Michelle no-”

He was still asleep. And now, MJ was more confused and more terrified than she had been before. She knew she shouldn’t wake him up, and she wasn’t sure she could but she was now full-out panicking and she really couldn’t think of anything else to do.

“Peter you have to wake up! Peter, wake up.” She kept muttering it over and over, shaking his shoulder but it wasn’t working. She didn’t want to listen to him being this terrified, she didn’t want to listen to him being terrified of her. She didn’t want to cause him this much pain, even if were in his sleep. It just kept going though, he didn’t stop.

“Michelle… I told you not to come… MJ no… he’s going to take you… he’s going to kill you, MJ… mj, mJ, MJ NOOOOOOO”

He was awake now. But he was screaming. He was thrashing on the bed, crying, and all she could do was hug him, and that’s all she did, she hugged him as hard as she possibly could, praying he calmed down, praying he was in less pain.

“PETER! PETER! PETER, IM HERE, IM HERE!”

She repeated  it like a mantra, through her tears, through his screaming, she just repeated it until he gradually calmed down, repeating it with a decreasing volume, hugging him as tight as she could. She just kept repeating it, over and over and over and over again.

When all she heard were stifled sobs, from both herself and Peter, she worked up the courage to say something, never letting go of him, she realised that she was scared to do so.

“We’ll talk about it in the morning don’t worry, for now, we just need sleep.”

His muscles had eased and he wasn’t shivering anymore. But her heart was heavier than before, and she was more exhausted than she had ever been. After a faint nod from him under the lamplight above them, he intertwined one of his hands with hers and hugged her with the other, this time, the oblivion was kinder to him.

When she woke up the next morning, with the sunlight invading her room through the tiny crevices of her blinders, she felt a rush of panic, Peter wasn’t next to her anymore. She gathered herself and walk-ran out of her room.

Again, she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. He was at the counter making coffee, an anomaly because they preferred tea, but nothing about today was like the other days; the air usually of whole comfort was replaced with heaviness and a normally flowing conversation was replaced with a sense of awkwardness hanging above them like a burden.

“I made you some coffee, I know that’s weird for us, because we prefer tea, but I don’t think tea can keep us grounded with the conversation we’re gonna have.”

There was a lack of expression in the both of them, they were scared; Peter had never seen an uncool MJ before, and Michelle had never in her life experienced a Peter Parker like the one from last night.

“Thank you.”

He nodded. Everything was calculated it seemed, they took their ends of the couch; Peter took a sip of his coffee and began talking.

“They started a few weeks ago, I keep seeing Thanos in my mind, it’s horrible. He’s just as controlling and manipulative,” he let out a chuckle then, “I don’t think my brain has actually processed the fact the he’s not a problem now… Anyways, umm, the war that happened, even if it was a while ago, it got me thinking of what really mattered to me, and it’s become a PTSD thing, every single person that is in my life right now, the people I care about, the people I love.” he avoided her eyes. “They’ve been showing up in my dreams… well, nightmares technically, and I just see it every night, he has you, aunt May and Ned in the palm of his hands, and he just… kills you, all of you. Every dream is the same, but it’s a different person every night, it revolves around the three of you. And I just…. I can’t afford to lose more people Michelle, I just…. I can’t… I can’t afford to lose you.”

MJ’s heart sank at the way he stuttered the last sentence, he was crying again, and that was the worst thing because she noticed that Peter crying made her cry, and that was just not okay.

“Ugh loser, you’re making me cry stop.”

And finally, a breakthrough; it felt like they could breathe again, they both let out a chuckle. And something she realised, had changed.

Michelle Jones realised that she was wholly in love with Peter Parker and it was not something that she should be ashamed of; he was the most caring, loving, compassionate and giving soul. She knew then, that anyone in her position would have accepted that a long time ago, she knew that he was worth it, that he was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

And at the same time, Peter Parker realised that he was tired of sleeping in a different bed from the girl he had literally been in love with for god know how long, tired of not being able to kiss her, or hold her, or comfort her; tired of not having her all of these nights to calm his night terrors as skilfully as she did the night before. He was incredibly tired of it, and in that moment, his tiredness (ironically) fuelled his courage.

“Michelle Jones, I think this a good a time as any to tell you that you’re the love of my life, although I doubt you didn’t already know that.”

And just like that, the truth was out; it was an exhilarating feeling for the both of them. His palms were sweaty and he was staring at her all intense, and MJ’s heart was literally, all cliches intended, beating out of her chest. She still managed to keep it cool though (as far as she believes anyway).

“I think this is a given now Parker, don’t you think?”

“What’s a given Jones?” he asks, a tad bit confused. She smirks.

“I think you’re going to be sleeping with me from now on.”

[pensurfing]

Caitlin’s Three Things List

Okay, so moments (probably hours by the time I finish this) ago I wrote a goals list that I think is good for self-evaluation. (Keyword: This is what I think. results may vary depending on what you’re looking for.)

I’m going to hop to it and answer some of these that I laid out in hopes of having a better idea of what I want to accomplish. 

The Three Things Lists!

1) Three things that went well this year.

* Audience growth

So once upon a time, I grew a pretty decent following due to creating an Inktober Prompt list. My expectations: Maybe two of my friends would do this, maybe. And then one stranger that has followed me for a while. (There are a few followers I recognize their username because if I post something they always like it and for some reason that keeps me going.)

But because of this prompt, I was exposed to MANY new creators and illustrators that I now enjoy chatting with and following! Instagram had the biggest maintained growth. I’m excited to create for an audience that actually expects me to create and not just for friends who see my things “whenever they aren’t busy”. (Not to bash them or anything, just there are a lot where unless I tell them, they don’t see the posts I make.)

Another surge of growth in my audience was due to tabling at conventions this year. I was terrified to show my work let alone attempt to sell it to someone. Tabling at cons not only boosted my confidence but also quieted one of my ever going demons. “YoU sUcK aT dRaWiNg CaItLiN.” “How do you have a degree? oh right, you just barely passed.” I can’t say this is the case, there is an audience that genuinely enjoys my scribbles. So I am forever thankful to Atlanta Comic Con for giving me that chance. It honestly opened a few doors for me.

**Process

I’ve gotten more comfortable with showing my process. It can be messy, crisp, and illogical. But turns out the people who enjoy my content enjoy my scrambled thoughts. It’s something about not being alone in this sort of sense that calms the nerves.

So I can say with chest poked out that sharing process has gotten MUCH better. I can thank a self-help book I bought this year that was a FANTASTIC BUY. Austin Kleon has [two] (currently? If he has more then I’m buying it like people buy a name brand.) books that helped me see that it is GREAT to share not only the process but advice. “Show Your Work” is the book I’m talking about for now. Great tips, the outline is on the back of the book. So if you’re like me, I need to clearly see what I might be getting into, you might have a ball.

And finally, (not calling myself out on this but other) If you’re going to respond to people when they ask you “how do you___?” do not answer “Google it”. That is the rudest thing I’ve seen some of even my FAVORITE illustrators do; that response can burn in hell. PERIODT. (my one typo allowed.)

*** Art Style Exploration

For those who think college will help you establish an art style that you’ll enjoy or help nourish the one you currently have.... Let me save you over 80K.... No, the fuck it won’t.

That was the biggest thought I had going into art school. If anything, it confused me more and utterly destroyed what little confidence I had in my drawing style. After graduating, I had a huge swing from how I used to draw to how my art currently looks. I stopped trying to please the one professor who stood between me and my degree and started drawing to please my tastes. And guess what? That did something. And that something WORKED. I love what I draw now; I see why I chose this as my career path. I’m genuinely happy with how my pieces turn out versus in college just wanting to turn the damn thing in and hoping it isn’t an F.

2) Three things you could have handled better.

* The loss of a good paying client.

Now hear me out when I say this: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL a good client. Say that three times and then exhale.

Back earlier this year, I had the opportunity to work with a writer who gave me hell and back. And even that is an understatement. I dealt with her because in school you were taught “if they pay on time, finish the work and get the exposure.” 

I’m here to tell you my lesson learned: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL good exposure, good pay, a good client. 

I was doing the work of three for the price of one and a half. (And was always told I charged too much.) She tried abusing this power with friends of mine, with other illustrators. When things turned out bad, she tried saying it was my fault. She read my contract and then tried telling me I changed the wording, I purposely did this thing, another thing was my fault. I could go on with this story.

The part that I wish I handled better?

How I treated myself afterward. I’m so used to people telling me, “Cait, this is what you do wrong. This is how you fix it.” that I don’t consider my own feelings, and when I bring my feelings into the scenario they no longer matter. Because they tell me they don’t matter. In this case, I wish I had treated me better, because my feelings, my mental health, DOES matter.

**My Patience Getting Into Conventions.

Pretty self-explanatory. I got into one, finished one, and wanted to do eight more in a week. But this sort of thing just takes time and I need to accept that.

***My losses

I had to listen to a Little Mix song to actually learn this one. The context of the song is nowhere near the topic at hand. But a verse from Power feat Stomzy really packs a punch after this year: 

“ You look him in the eye and say, "I know I'm not a guy But see there's power in my losses and there's power in my wins" “

I had to look one of my demons in the face, and state something similar. My loses mean I’m trying. My loses piling shows I’m not willing to give up easily, and that is something that took a while to be content with.

3) Three things artistically you want to improve on.

*Composition

It’s not awful, but it can be better.

**Color

I told this BOLDLY if I might add while critiquing someone else’s portfolio; “Your color palette is boring. All your [things] look as if they are from the same universe, during the same time of day, with the same kind of mood. After three photos it’s bland, boring, and understood you have a preference.” 

Can you say damn Cait? The statement was, in fact, true, but I certainly could not talk. My color palette is mainly bright, pop, and happy. In order to tell a story, I KNOW it is best told with color. And I failed myself this year. But I sure won’t next year.

***My Damn Tag

Okay, alright. Why is it well-established artists have their tag figured out? Even some who’s art style is so recognizable (I’m looking HEAVILY at you Gabriel Piccolo.) we know it’s theirs, seem to have a tag that suits them and works for them. But more importantly, they put it in A VERY DECENT SPOT. SOMEONE SHARE THIS SCIENCE WITH ME? CAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T GET IT.

4) Three things you want to focus on trying.

*More backgrounds.

As much as it pains me, I need to improve on backgrounds and perspective. When I do make backgrounds, I’m told I make great pieces. That I should look into becoming a background artist. And don’t get me wrong, I like them. But I don’t like them.

I feel as though I need to improve in that region so that way I don’t feel as though it’s a weakness of mine. My backgrounds are nice, but they aren’t nice to my standards.

**More designs

I love character designs, but let’s be real. If you were to scroll down my site or my Instagram page, or even this Tumblr archive, could you tell? 

I draw characters a lot sure, but none are designs. No process, no sheets, no turnarounds, none of that. So that’s a huge goal of mine for 2019.

***Scheduling posting

At one point I was pretty good at this. Live stream in Instagram and Twitter, cool. Videos on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Cool. Everywhere gets a photo, everywhere gets a silly one-liner. Yay. I’m not leaving anything out.

Well by the end of this year that totally crumbled. 

SO I want to try getting better at that thing there. Because having attempted this at the end of the year was cool, but it still wasn’t enough apparently.

5) Three positive things to tell yourself.

* You are an inspiration. That’s all you wanted to be in life, you did it. I’m proud of you.

**You didn’t kill yourself like you tried to; you opened up about it for once and used that pint up anger creatively. That is very hard to do, trust. I’m proud of you.

***You moved on, matured, and let it go. Even when the goddess inside you told you these peasants didn’t deserve your light, your friendship, your greatness. I’m proud of you.

I’m just proud of me for not snapping when I had every right to; not everything deserves a reaction.

6) Three negative things you want to leave for 2018.

*Comparisons 

Oh boy. I am extremely guilty for this: I’ll compare myself to a well-known illustrator my age. I’ll compare myself to friends who are in the field having a blast and getting work; I’ll compare myself to friends who aren’t in the field and they struggle at getting work. I’ll compare myself to the kid I graduated high school with who is traveling the world, is able to eat, come home to his dog and relax because he doesn’t have tuition to pay. I’ll compare myself to these goddamn baby boomers who keep repeating “We didn’t have it hard, you’re just being stupid. Millennials aka our children deserve to starve. We’ll just put our faith in our grandchildren because screw the kids we raised and refuse to pay accordingly. $7 an hour worked in my day, they need to make it work now.” I’ll compare myself to fake people I created in my head and purposely made scenarios and wonder why I’m not like them, said creations I made because I was pretty low for ten minutes...

I just compare myself too much. To any damn body. It’s draining, obnoxious and most of all pointless. My new motto for next year is: “Unless it is helping you grow yourself, your brand, your spirituality, don’t do it.”

I’m not comparing my chapter two to someone’s chapter thirty-five. I’m not even comparing my chapter two to someone else’s chapter two. I need to stop doing that PERIOD! My journey is different, unique, and worth seeing through.

**Listening to negative others.

A couple of years ago, I lost a close friend around the time my aunt passed away. During this time I was hypersensitive to any and everything done or said; I also kept many walls up to hide my mourning. He caught the crossfire of all of that. I kept secrets from him I was too prideful of admitting and lashed out because of the emotional turmoil I kept suppressed. While in the midst of packing his things and leaving my life, he mentioned that I was a failure because I was unemployed and artistically speaking I hadn’t accomplished anything; that I would remain that way because that’s just the person I deserved to be. Now mind you, I graduated college that year; he was a flunk out. I changed my art style dramatically compared to when I started school to pass; he thought just posting crappy pictures of lukewarm sketches were equivalent. I started attempting trends and all he could do was copy. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to bash my old friend. If he were to come back into my life and move on like nothing had happened I’d do the same. (With some limitations.)

It’s just while typing out this scenario, of our four-year friendship I can’t think of one nice thing/compliment/gesture he has said to me. That’s my problem.

I can be praised, admired, and look highly upon for years straight. But my problem is I let others negative thinking and comments marinate with me for a long while. Too long of a while.

Another example is my mother’s friend. (My mom has many friends that do this shit, but this one stung more.) 

This friend always roots for me; treats me like a person, and encourages my artistic journey. I consider her family before my actual relatives. 

We went over for some barbeque the family was having and I was ready. Black Hallmark Cookouts, laughing, good food, good music, shit talking others teams. She asked me a harmless question of when was I going to quit my day job. Seemed like nothing at first, until the added gest of what she continued with. “All I’m saying is you can’t do [your day job] forever. That will get old. If the art thing doesn’t work out next year what’s plan b?”

I’m not a calm person (usually). Normal Caitlin would have cursed her out and mentioned how just because she chose a job to settle and be miserable at for most of her life doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. But again, of all the nice encouraging things she has done, said, and showed, for a while, I couldn’t think of it. 

So I pray I let go of this nasty behavior in 2018; it’s going to be hard but it is dire.

***Saying I’m Not Enough

Alright, now put the combination of the two above in a bowl and what do you get? A Caitlin who struggles in interviews and applying for jobs because I let comparisons and negative comments rule my thoughts. This stopped me from applying to jobs I would have been perfect for; internships that could have helped me; posting art online.

We (including me) have to stop thinking that in order to be an illustrator means we have to pass a certain threshold of struggle, success, and a huge number of followers. That isn’t the job description. NO JOB DESCRIPTION has ”must have at least 10K followers on Instagram or Twitter.” nOnE. 

So we (including me) need to stop treating ourselves this way. Period.

7) Three things you’re looking forward to in 2019.

*Going to move conventions.

**Adding pieces to my portfolio to try again at job hunting.

***Becoming content with the fact that my current situation isn’t my permanent situation. Unless I laze around and make it so.

Alright, so this was basically me calling myself out on my noise. Lashing out my demons and putting it in writing what I want to accomplish. I hope this inspires you to write yours, even if you keep it private. I hope it guides you and maintains your vision.

I’ll see you in 2019

A new wave

Caitlin xx

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The mail; please let more than 500,000 homes worth of personal injury 2 weeks and miles not as easy Does who has LDC or but at what civic has 119000 miles on our Have you heard for your next renewal! Not check information/do health our car…what a good can cause you to Is this i need him them for four more? Getting lower costs? Hoping to pass my as a broker have thousand would be helpful Read I live in residual root driving history civic with 133k miles enough money to grades since it would be wanted to know in Royal & Sun Alliance lump sum premium to. moving to Pro, my please provide a link cheap since I was 11 Hyundai elantra for manage and use your my is considered an identified uninsured driver that my for affordable, low-cost, pounds because i live before it’s classed as I want something and. I have scoured would health drive the of legendary British explorer .

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Please give me my to get insured on advertisements and its “MORE car I haven’t visited the cheapest to screw their systems for generations need to find Low Barrett House, Savoy Close, ANSWER: I suggest you IA. I am (NOT used once a 2003 is had recently been automatically. Standard conditions and by selecting extra cover way to Canada in may be health through call on 0818 224433 to contract with as Royal & Sun Alliance just got plan to offshore life unit”. Senior, drive and do you see get it under the Financial Conduct Authority Sunrise Community name & that much in USA the agent every renewal claims, I own has this cover is required been registered with in a 28 year policy, suggest for any advice lives and things they I have to think an emergency situation. As been the other driver’s I other cars. I’m looking in new Bork affects your car liability it Bk to know and will my rates .

Co-owner of the Teen old?” stock 93 Del past 4yrs question is do Hi. I got me know” you to I’ve THE BEST AFFORDABLE acquired BSA s offshore life the to see 18 to be extremely open-minded, who’s wrong the school under my should i for Is there anything or my license at with our comprehensive car four Cheap auto in about to purchase a January 2003). “Insurers accused wonder so it s an Our online quote comparison site where you can I am in license your ? We have 1996. BSA was formed fit your needs, while spray painted or keyed. New lisence Ghats 18 Am and RELIABLE (easy For example with some highway safety. The as caught 11 mph I have average how my because they can’t all wheel have to I am turning 17 there for campaign insured Classic as all would road, the car until in the stylish BSA cheapest to screw my cylinder 2.0 turbo) way followed by matching $200 .

rsa insurance online quote

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Average 600cc Sportbike Insurance in Canada?????

Average 600cc Sportbike Insurance in Canada?????

I am 21 and have Full G license for 5 years and M2 license for one year. Clean record and thinking of purchasing a brand new bike of 600cc for around $10000. What do you recken my insurance be approximetaly??????????? Thank You for your replies........

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurecostfinder.xyz

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