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thecoolerliauditore · 2 days

Note

Pls tell me about Scott's views on women in general pls I'm begging you

o7 and I'm sorry

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fyi, the post itself isn't NSFW, but I'll be getting all gender theory in this bitch so I'll be referencing a lot of things and putting in pictures of naked ppl sometimes. maybe skip this one if you don't like that

(long post)

Disclaimers

An explanation for the tweet up there

I usually don't write these because I assume the people on my blog have enough sense to realise when I'm talking about the characters vs the CCs or are comfortable enough being a little confused, but I feel the need to extra-clarify here and expand on how I specifically view C vs CC because I think it differs a little from the average person.

To me, C and CC are two separate entities but not entirely disconnected. What differs (e.g. the exclusion of irl relationships -- their wives, kids, etc.) is poignant enough to severely detach them from the people they originated from, at least in my eyes, but there's also the fact that these are not scripted characters, just creators being themselves with a hint of behind the scenes drama-adding and improv thrown in.

For example, CC Pearl is a car nerd. So I assume her character is too.

This is where I state very clearly that yes, a lot of these thoughts come from things I've seen on Scott's twitter, which is undoubtedly the CC and not the C. However I, to me, am still talking about the C because any observations/judgments I could make on actual irl youtuber CC guy Scott Major would be tabloid at best and slightly invasive at worst. I'm seeing these statements within the context of "the death game guy would say this too and I'm writing this based on that", not "this is the inner psychological workings of the youtuber because I, as a fan, can totally tell".

TLDR I don't consider this post RPF but you might. This is a little more RPF-y than my usual stuff. If you don't rock with it we cool.

Everyone is weird about women, and that's okay

One short-hand I've used in the past to talk about Scott and women is just by saying that he's "weird about women" which I'm sure isn't exclusive to him.

(shitpost I made awhile back)

I see a lot of people now who love "villains" and "evil" but when it comes to any traits resembling real life evil (e.g. misogyny in this case) they suddenly become insecure. Just a couple of days back a saw a post on twitter essentially asking for permission to continue liking CC Scott in spite of the "bad things" he did.

And I think, in order to present an analysis like this, I must address that mindset first.

This is not a judgment on Scott's morality, nor is it trying to dissuade you from liking him. This is not saying that he is any more misogynistic than any other player in the series. This is just me pointing out Scott's attitude towards women and what I read it as, nothing less or more.

The feelings that me pointing these things out - be they apathy, disgust, anger or, what I would hope to see most, interest - are your own. I'm not here to tell anyone how to feel and never will try to police that on my blog.

Scott's Relationships with Women

aka. oh yeah this is about minecraft.

Scott and Cleo || "Yeah, you can kill me."

Scott and Cleo's alliance is arguably the strongest in the entire series, spanning through all five seasons and remaining unbroken with no (serious) drama attached. You'd expect from this that they two have a very settled and stable understanding of eachother, yet this isn't a case.

Their power dynamic shifts dramatically from one season to the next.

3L's initial Widows Alliance began on fairly equal footing, built on the mutual agreement that they were waiting for their respective partners to die. Both understood they were eachothers' "plan B" and felt comfortable in that arrangement.

Come LL, Cleo does what she couldn't in 3L, and initiates that plan, going to Scott after her last alliance, the fairy fort, fell apart. Scott requests nothing from her in return.

DL is the longest the two spent as eachothers main ally. Cleo is the one who initially proposes teaming up to spite their "cheating" soulmates and Scott agrees. Cleo admits to Martyn in private that she's aware she's taking advantage of Scott (which I've always interpreted as her talking about all seasons, not just DL). Due to the time they spend together, it's here where it becomes apparent that their initial assumptions during 3L were not entirely accurate, as Scott shows a level of gameplay competency much higher than Cleo's (e.g. teaching her how to axe-crit) but despite this Scott never berates her or thinks any less of her value as his ally.

LimL is probably this pairing at their most unhinged, as Scott, despite once again asking for nothing (or very little -- I'll be honest I'm a bit fuzzy on this) in return from Cleo, allows them and their allies to butcher him repeatedly for time. He gives more time to the Clockers than he does to Martyn, his closest ally that season. Despite this, Scott is never ever considered as a "family member" by the Clockers, despite them giving that title to even temporary allies (like the Bad Boys being their cousins) -- even Martyn gets a title with Scott completely unattached.

SL is relatively more chill, but shows that the two inevitably end up teaming together even despite their oath to avoid eachother that season.

The point being -- again and again, we see Scott literally and metaphorically making sacrifices for Cleo, with the only real transaction he requires from her being that she continues having his back when times get rough. This is despite that he's aware she isn't any more capable than he is and the fact that so far it has only been Cleo in rough times (LL, LimL and SL) and never Scott.

Speaking from a purely transactional perspective, Scott is not getting a bargain here -- and even Cleo seems acutely aware of it, judging by her comment during DL as well as the way she tends to speak of her survival capabilities very lowly in general ("rubbish pvp skills and spiffy one-liners"). I'm speaking in this sense because I've seen discussions in the past about the transactional way Scott views relationships but rarely does Cleo get brought up.

This is at stark contrast to how he treats Jimmy, whose predicted death was what spurred on Scott and Cleo's alliance in the first place.

Scott assumes Jimmy is "incompetent", where he assumes Cleo is capable. When Jimmy messes up, he reprimands him, when Cleo struggles to crit him, he patiently teaches her. When LL begins, Scott's first instinct was to look at Jimmy's lives and note that he was "useless to (him)", but holds no objections to Cleo joining his alliance despite her already having enemies being a potential liability. In SL, he jokes about how Cleo and him being allied is a given and pretty much expected of them, whereas in LimL he explicitly requests from Jimmy a recognition that he still cares ("say love you back!") before he will help him.

Scott and Gem || "You HAVE TO kill me, Gem,"

In SL, Gem settles in very easily in a leadership position within Gem and the Scotts due to her trying to live up to her reputation but also due to Scott and Impulse's more laid back, passive playstyles.

Both Scott and Impulse let Gem kill them for extra health this season, although Scott is arguably much more subservient than Impulse is, with him not only insisting that she kill him in the final episode but also not fighting back (and only yelling for her to stop) when she starts hitting him with a sword during the episode where her task was to literally kill everyone on the server.

Once again comparing her to Jimmy, Scott in 3L had a tendency to brush aside Jimmy's concerns over alliances (e.g. Jimmy questioning if they could trust Cleo) while in SL Scott runs his plans by Gem (and Pearl and Impulse) in terms of who he wanted to team up with (specifically excluding Joel from the potential mounders alliance) implying he held her opinion in some form of regard.

Before this becomes less of an analysis of Scott's treatment of men vs women and more of Scott's treatment of Jimmy vs everyone else, I think it's notable enough to mention that he and Martyn also lacked this sort of communication in LimL. He would inform Martyn of his plans, but rarely was it ever framed as a request.

SL almost feels as if Scott has slid Gem into the slot he had previously designated for Cleo in 3L (his girlboss ally) as he provides her and pretty much forces onto her by the end the acts of service he'd become accustomed to performing for Cleo.

Scott and Lizzie || "You killed her! I don't.. I don't know what to even say!"

Relatively shorter section because this is the one woman he hasn't teamed with, but there's still some interesting stuff I wanted to touch on.

In LL, one of the first thing Scott does is yell at Pearl to revenge-kill Joel for boogey-killing him. Pearl does as she's told and Joel's wet miserable pathetic LL life gets worse from there.

Several episodes later, the roles are reversed -- Lizzie lies to both of them and manages to isolate and boogey-kill Pearl. Scott, instead of reacting with the anger he had for Joel, is almost in a state of shock as he asks Lizzie to let him down so he could collect Pearl's belongings. He doesn't act aggressively towards Lizzie at all, with his most antagonizing act against her being to lie about his intentions when giving her a wither skull.

In SL, he's the only one aware of her early permadeath, but keeps quiet about it almost as if he's in a state of shock akin to when he saw Lizzie kill Pearl in LL. It's not until the others have noticed when he finally brings it up.

Scott and Pearl || "Tilly death do us 'part"

I wrote a whole post just for their relationship alone so for the sake of my sanity I'll be leaving this here.

So now I get to dedicate this section to the meat of this post -- how the way Scott treats women in general impacts his relationship with Pearl and how I view his heel-turn on her as seeping with relevance to Pearl's perceived gender.

In all three of the previous sections, the running theme is that Scott is 1. kinder and more patient with women, regardless of their competency and 2. someone who likes to be in a supporting role to women, occasionally aiding them more than he aids himself and his closer male allies (e.g. Jimmy and Martyn). As shown with Cleo, he assumes that girls have it together, but even if they don't it's not a big deal. When a girl's actions are truly disastrous, such as with Lizzie's, he goes into a state of shock and doesn't really react, preferring to swallow it down and not acknowledge it.

With the amount of times he sacrifices himself, I don't think it's a reach to say that Scott values his own life less than he values the lives of his (female) allies. This specific point actually does extend to his male allies too, shown when he's happy when Martyn literally backstabs him in LimL, but just as with the Martyn post where I point out his victim status-ing doesn't end at only women but includes all the women, Scott has pedastal-ed all the women he's teamed with.

Lizzie is, once again, the exception here due to his limited interactions with her. However that's actually somewhat patched over if you look at adjacent series (such as x-life) where he definitely shows her a level of admiration and respect.

Back to Scott and Pearl.

Their relationship during LL is very standard of how Scott treats women. While the power dynamic between them is obviously more caused by the initial life trade agreement, I don't think it's a far reach to say that Scott is somewhat comfortable in the arrangement.

However, this is also the first thing that sets their relationship apart from Scott with Cleo or Gem -- Pearl is the one making sacrifices, not Scott. She is the one "sacrificing" her lives to him, just in a more non-violent way as allowed by the season's mechanics.

When viewed through this lens, Scott trying to make it up to her and wanting his effort acknowledged makes even more sense. This is suddenly uncharted waters for him. His assuming that Pearl doesn't value him as a person goes hand in hand with him valuing himself less than her.

What Scott has with Cleo or Gem, situations where the other party is clearly uncomfortable with how he treats himself (Gem) or actively aware they are taking advantage of him (Cleo), is equalized to him because he is inherently worth less. What he has with Pearl, on the other hand, looks more equal to most people (lives vs labour) but is wildly imbalanced to him.

It's one of the many factors I see going into Scott's weird decision to abandon her in DL.

An Interlude, Before We Get to DL

La Pieta, Michelangelo

So this has been a lot of words so far and some of you might be wondering at this point: why say Scott is "weird" about women when so far this has been describing how he values women more, is kinder to them, is more patient with them, etc.? How is any of this behaviour remotely misogynistic?

And I would feel horrible if I forced you to read through all of my DL thoughts before I clarified this -- Scott is not your classic wifebeater "women are lesser" misogynist, Scott is someone who subscribes to misogynistic schools of thought and probably considers himself an ally to women, when in reality his beliefs are still rooted in dehumanizing them and these beliefs end up harming the women around him as well as himself.

After all, seeing women are your superiors is still not seeing them as your equals.

I know it's a bit of a meme on this blog at this point. But. Sigmund Freud identified what we know refer to as the "madonna/whore complex", which he described as a pattern of behaviour in men who separated women into being madonnas (pure, holy and admirable) and whores (debased, sexual, deviant). We'll be focusing on the former, the madonna, as it is more relevant to Scott's character.

Freud proposed that the madonna figure was something men projected onto women as a replacement for maternal love. These women are sacred and untouchable, literally as the projection of the maternal role onto them also makes it so that the sufferer cannot feel any sexual attraction towards her (keep this in mind for later).

Scott projects the madonna figure onto his female compatriots -- they are to be protected, served and supported. They are goddesses, queens, but they are never human. The madonna role in of itself is not inherently harmful to the woman, as seen with Cleo who takes control and advantage of it. However, it is enforced, as seen with Gem who at first revels in the superiority but almost breaks down when Scott offers him up as her sacrificial lamb one last time.

I linked this Utena AMV awhile back when vaguely talking about Scott and women, and this was the point I was alluding to.

youtube

Girls are beautiful and pure. They don't spit on the street, they don't piss on the street, they don't build hierarchies -- they subvert all the expectations of masculinity that I hate having to deal with. They are my escape.

But what about the girls who do spit on the street? The girls who piss on seats? Who build social hierarchies, who size up their competition?

The girls Scott interacts with are all painfully human. Cleo weaponizes his beliefs and take advantage of him. Scott is smart enough to know and accept this. Gem's playing into a role she has been assigned into by not only Scott but everyone around her. Scott supports the character she plays. Lizzie reflects traits he hates in Joel and Jimmy, but for her, he looks the other way.

Are they "demons", as the song says, or are they no longer girls at all?

(demons, gods, but never humans)

Weaponized Femininity and Women In Total Control of Themselves ;)

Hylas and the Nymphs, John William Waterhouse

Historically, weaponized femininity I'd argue is one of the oldest tropes in storytelling. Whether it's nymphs or sirens or witches or succubi or even more roundabout cases like Helen of Troy, there's countless stories of men's sexual attraction to women leading them to disaster.

One way to view these stories is to see them as warnings, don't let womens allure be the end of you.

There's a lot of good writing done on the femme fatale trope both in the context of weaponizing femininity and as a sexist way to argue against victims of sexual assault, as these stories often say that men who experience attraction to these "evil" women no longer have agency over their own actions.

Look at the painting above, for example - is it the nymphs who are responsible for drowning Hylas, or is Hylas climbing into the lake of his own accord?

Despite the fact we all know sirens, nymphs and succubi aren't real, the belief that men will simply lose control of themselves when encountering a particularly alluring woman persists to the modern consciousness. That there's something inherently dangerous about women and attraction to them.

(this is not 100% applicable to Ninja saying he won't stream with women, but it's the real life example I felt most comfortable putting in here)

Now, let's combine this with what's been said so far -- let's say you don't hate women. You love women, in fact, and you hate the way men treat women. You hate men, in fact.

Yet, you still believe in this inherent power women hold by being female and the loss of agency that men experience when attracted to them -- how disgusting.

It quickly becomes easily to not only demonize men for sullying the holiness of women, but also men, masculinity and attraction to women as a whole.

(apologies for using twt discourse in the meta post but this flew by my TL and i had to grab the irl example of mens non-violent attraction to women being used to frame them as misogynistic before the stupid app refreshed and i lose everything forever)

youtube

"To Venner" is a student film exploring a world set within this belief, where all the women have vanished and the men have become monstrous figures as a result of their pent up sexual frustration. fyi this is one of my favourite student films (and ive watched a bunch), but I do think its messaging is worth breaking down (especially its juxtaposition of dirty horrible monstrous sexuality vs pure and beautiful romantic love)

NOTE: this film is super graphic, lots of violence and nudity. have fun. or not

I admit this section is a bit hard to gauge as everyone in the series is gay as fuck. The closest in-series example I can think of is Scott reacting to Martyn's antics in DL with a sort of indigence but otherwise I can't really think of an example of a man expressing attraction to a woman at all, let alone one Scott reacted to. However, I do think it's still worth talking about because it opens up some interesting trains of thought in regard to Scott and Pearl.

For Scott, he himself has never been part of the picture. He's gay, after all, which gives him an edge over the bad straight men who objectify and assault women. Likewise, there's little evidence to suggest he finds the expectations of masculinity frustrating, but I don't think it's too far a reach considering how common of an experience that is for gay men and his adapting of more feminine mannerisms.

Double Life and Corruption

As mentioned in my previously linked post about Scott and Pearl's relationship, I do think Scott experiences what he would name as attraction towards Pearl, so my writing will reflect that.

Pearl is. ahem. not like other girls.

Not actually. But to Scott, she probably isn't like other girls.

She remains unaware of his different standards for her (how could she when she had nothing to compare them to), she acts out, sometimes violently, against Scott's urging (such as when she stole from Scar's wagon). She maintains their already irregular dynamic, and while she appreciates his care for her, she never quite falls into seeing him as a source of subservience the way Cleo or Gem do.

At the end of LL, right before the 1v1v1v1, she monologues to herself that she no longer has to feel bad for killing Scott. Which, in turn, implies she expected Scott to give it his all against her as well.

She entirely fails to embody the madonna with her immature naivete and her questionable morals. She is unpredictable, she doesn't take what she is owed, she is a monster in a lot of ways.

Scott, too, is a monster, to himself, for how he feels about her.

The very foundations of your understanding of yourself being ripped apart aside, let's rewind to the madonna/whore complex. To sexualise the madonna is to corrupt her and make a monster of yourself. Suddenly, you are no better than the men around you, the ones you've grown to hate. Suddenly, you are the grotesque figures in films like To Venner. You are Hylas and she is the nymph. And you are so stupid. Your worldview crumbles around its flawed foundations.

Scott is, however, immune to this corruption. This is a theme that appears in Empires as well, but throughout the traffic series he's prided himself on being loyal and kind and good. His monologue leading up to LL's 1v1v1v1 summarizes it quite well.

He can't let himself or anyone else see this side of him, but the energy needs to go somewhere. To defy fate, abandon your soulmate, is to admit you had a fate in the first place, is to acknowledge that she was your soulmate in the first place.

I've previously talked about how fate and romance are very ingrained in Scott's belief system, if it was anyone else it would've been amazing. He could've been like Bdubs and Impulse or Ren and Bigb, diving into domestic life and performative romance with a stranger. Or the world could've made his happy ending from 3L real, as he got to be Jimmy's husband all over again. I think it says something that he accepts Cleo as a "soulmate" before Pearl.

So what do you do with all that energy and tension, clearly apparent to yourself and everyone else, when you can't let them observe your feelings?

You project them.

Shout-outs to @/legally-allowed-to-slime for pointing out Pearl's comment early on in DL that she "feels like (she's) been broken up with" confirms she never saw Scott in a romantic sense. The "crazy ex-girlfriend" and "this is why I'm gay" comments really did come out of thin air, or perhaps insecurity.

Pearl is the crazy one. She's insane, because she wants me. She wants to be with me, so she does all this crazy stuff. She's lost control of herself because she wants me. She's disgusting.

I mentioned before that Scott is not your classic misogynist, but this is where the gears start turning. Scott's views of Pearl echo that of other players, most prominently Ren and Martyn, that Pearl has been overcome with some sort of corruption. She has become the witch, the demoness, the whore, in their eyes. Scott does not want to be the same as these men and I think his overcorrecting his behaviour in SL makes sense when you view it from this angle, but for now he has to rely on more traditional misogyny in order to navigate this new obstacle.

"Corruption" also implies that she had to have been pure (or at least pure-er) beforehand, something Scott personally knows is not true, but it falls in line with defaulting women to being "madonnas".

This is a Scott post but. shout outs to Ren for being all of this about Pearl but without the complexity of Scott like he literally accuses Pearl of seducing Bigb what the fuck man.

Pearl is, of course, none of that. But she plays into the role of being the witch much better than she fared playing into the role of the madonna.

Sidenote: I know I'm looking at this from a Scott/Pearl POV but I do feel like you can omit Scott's attraction if you look at it from a purely "pearl not performing to standards of femininity I expect and she makes me realise I don't view women as a whole as human which makes me feel weird so now we have to do this" POV. Like idk I think the exact reason he abandoned Pearl is going to be lost on everyone forever so any analysis I could perform is going to suffer at least a little bit of making-shit-up-itis.

I do also think there's something to be said about Pearl being pushed until she performed a role, any role and generally failing at Being A Girl tm but that's another post i think. yknow shes um. a bit. 🏳️‍⚧️ (but also very much not at the same time idk that's gonna need its own post)

anyway yeah uh the minecraft movie looks crazy huh

#asks #random thoughts

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strawb3rrystar · 2 days

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Imagine if you did hc for the bay boys with a partner who is just “one sheep, two sheep, cow, duck, pig, old McDonald had a farm, HEY MACARENA” in a bottle, like the human spirit of adhd

Ive been missing your tmnt writing 🥲

ADHD in a bottle.

Pairing: Bayverse! Turtles x GN! Reader

Warnings: None, not proofread

Word count: 444

✰Masterlist

Leonardo

✰ Leo has been micro managing his brother his entire life, so he's kinda used to it by now

✰ Especially since you started dating

✰ He is a hundred percent used to your antics

✰ In the back of his head he's always remembering where and when you put stuff down

✰ Will listen to you ramble while you guys cuddle

✰ Always has an eye on you even he has his shell to you

✰ Making sure you drink lots of water and tries to take you outside to get some sun as often as he can

✰ Yall are reading comic books a 2am and giggling

✰ Makes to do lists and leaves them on the nightstand for you

✰ Tons of sticky notes with random messages are on his walls

Raphael

✰ Big tough guy meets ADHD partner

✰ Convinces himself that you act like Mikey (but less annoying)

✰ Will pull you into his lap if he senses you're overstimulated

✰ Yall will lose things together because you forgot where you put it and he forgot to write it down

✰ Doesn't want you wandering around in the sewers alone

✰ Makes you watch him train and sometimes uses you in the workouts

✰ Picks you up and carries you around without you asking

✰ Absolutly loves giving you shell rides even if he acts like he hates it

✰ Gets into your interests so he can better understand it

✰ Builds pillow forts with you!

Donatello

✰ Autism x ADHD

✰ Yall are rambunctious together

✰ You under analyse while Donnie over analyses everything

✰ Doesn't exactly trust you with the tools, but he'll let you help around in his lab

✰ Will bounce ideas off you

✰ Every surface is covered in sticky notes

✰ Both of you forget to sleep

✰ Has a calendar on the wall, but believes that technology is more helpful

✰ Yall will have full on debates over your shared special interest

✰ But they always end in cuddles

Michelangelo

✰ Uh oh... ADHD x2

✰ The rest of the household already believed that Mikey was annoying

✰ But now there's two of you (it's just double the fun!)

✰ Random stuff is being left around the sewers everywhere

✰ Stacks of pizza boxes because both of you refuse to clean

✰ Playing video games on old ass consoles

✰ Reading comic books and telling jokes until you pass out in each others arms

✰ Trying to train but getting so absorbed into a conversation you simply don't

✰ Exploring the sewers for fun

✰ Best chemistry you could ask for

Star's notes -> I've been on such a writing high recently and I don't want to come down

(Thank you @footninja for requesting!) (Requests are open!)

Taglist -> @raphaelsqueen @mamaemoemu @sleebykei @thejudiciousneurotic @looking4userthatworks

@toast-on-dandelioms @alexandria-fandom @ghostdoodlen @roboticsuccubus83 @sweetadonisbutbetter

@little-miss-chaoss @sunr1s3-strab3rr1 @theweepingvulcan91 @boogeysmoth @kipxer

@spongejuice @blood-heart22 @myamythos @ghoul-with-a-gun @facelessfionna

@skankyynerd | Join the taglist

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epically-ace-attorney · 1 day

Text

*Intro Post ~ Welcome to the chaos!*

Hallo! This blog is an Ace Attorney AU using the musical EPIC! Canon is our bitch and we do as we please :)

The blog is joint run by @weltato (hi) and @burtrice1. Feel free to ask us anything about this AU in the inbox and not DMs - PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS A WIP AU AND IS CONSTANTLY BEING THOUGHT OUT!!

The "backstory" I suppose would be that Wel was watching a great guy on YouTube by the name of Mortius (you should check him out, he's cool) react to "We'll Be Fine" and "Love in Paradise" from the most recent saga released from EPIC as of writing this (20/09/2024) - The Wisdom Saga. Wel had also been binging through some Ace Attorney streams by The NyanCave (also really cool, you should check them out too) and had that on the brain at the same time. Then she noticed something interesting - Odysseus had been on Calypso's Island for seven years.

You wanna know who else had a seven year gap? Phoenix Wright.

So obviously, I go to burtrice1 and say:

And then this happens:

And everything came from there. Just imagine it: Phoenix on that cliff calling for Mia T^T

Anyway, we had some planning to do: there is currently a list of characters from The Ace Attorney Trilogy, Ace Attorney: Investigations 1 & 2 (we're using the fan translation names in this house), and Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice (because Wel hasn't finished Dual Destinies and hasn't seen Spirit of Justice yet) and what people from EPIC they're going in as.

*RULES OF THE BLOG!*

No spoilers for the games please! There will be people that see this blog with no idea about the Ace Attorney series and they'll want to find out themselves (also one mod hasn't finished the series yet).

No spoilers for EPIC! There will be people that see this blog with no idea what the craic is with EPIC and letting them experience the joy that is this musical is all the sweeter with no spoilers <3

As previously mentioned: game canon is our bitch and we do what we want with it, which means that if you see an inconsistency with ages or anything, no you don't ;p

Please keep questions PG, there are minors that enjoy both Ace Attorney and EPIC and we'd like to keep this blog a safe space for everyone.

In the words of Ricky Potts: don't be a dick. We don't tolerate harassment of either the mods or anyone sending an ask into our inbox. Respect isn't hard, friend :)

If you've asked us a question and we haven't responded yet, please don't go into our personal inboxes or DMs to ask us about it - see the rule above. Both mods are busy people and do this purely for fun, so we'll get to your question when we see it. The timezone of this blog is GMT/BST depending on the time of year, so both mods could very well be asleep.

The canon of this AU follows with EPIC canon, which is NOT the actual Odyssey or Iliad. If you want to read those in your own time, feel free to.

Have fun! We want to share this with people to see your reactions and interact with other fans of the Ace Attorney games and EPIC: The Musical.

If you're excited about this blog, REBLOG OUR POSTS!! Reblogging is the lifeblood of Tumblr and can make or break a post. We want to reach as many people as possible with this silly little idea of ours.

If you want to write fics about our AU, please ask us first! Wel is a regular fic writer and she has some ideas floating around, so maybe let her finish those first before jumping in - but we love the enthusiasm! Thank you!

Fanart is awesome!! Please credit the idea to this blog and @ us in the post with the tag #epicallyaa, we'd love to see what you've done :D

This post will update with extra rules as and when needed, if we need to <3

*TAGS!*

#wel writes - this is for whenever Wel writes a fanfic about something. This is a personal tag from Wel, so if you want to see more of her work feel free to peruse that tag on her main Tumblr account. All the fics posted here will be specifically for this AU.

#bart or #burt art - we haven't decided which to use, might just use both, but this is for whenever burtrice1 posts art to this blog. Again, any art posted here will be specifically for this AU.

#epicallyaa - this is a tag for us and others to use about our AU! If you post any fanart or fanfic about our AU, use this tag and @ this account too so that we can see your awesomeness :D

#wel answers - whenever Wel answers an ask

#burtrice answers - whenever burtrice1 answers an ask

Like the rules, more tags will be added as and when we feel we need some more.

Thanks for reading all of this!! This post is very important to read, so if you come in asking questions blind, we might just refer you to this post and ask you to try again :)

~ Wel & burtrice1

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gayferrari · 2 days

Note

we as a community need to get more rpf-y about the fact that charles' girlfriend's name is alex

I see your vision. However EYE am more interested in the fact that in a certain light she looks like she and Carlos could be related.

Long answer: this ask sent me down a bit of a thought spiral about how F1 fandom in general deals with IRL significant others, as opposed to other sports RPF fandoms I've lurked in, so you get an actual essay, sorry.

I think it's interesting how F1 fic writers tend to just ignore irl partners, way more than other sports fandoms. You know how the tag “AU: no girlfriend / no wives” gets A Lot of mileage elsewhere? In F1 it's hardly ever used, because wags are simply excluded by default. The only ships that sometimes remember partners exist (include them or deliberately write around them) are ships involving guys like Seb or Nico whose relationships are a big part of their lives and are probably harder to just push to the side.

By contrast, the younger crop of drivers have a big social media presence that's almost impossible to ignore BUT does not include their actual irl partners because it's all work mandated PR, so these men's F1 personas make it very easy to paint them as single. Even if their broader public personas (outside of F1) are very high profile and often includes very public relationships and friendships — it's not like they keep their relationships lowkey, you know? But people just choose not to dig into those layers of lore, probably simply because the stuff we get through team PR videos and grill the grid already gives us a lot to work with.

IDK, I just find it fascinating! I bet many people don't even notice, but TO ME it's kinda glaring how often everyone in fic is single because imo it's such a fundamental component of the elite athlete lifestyle how these guys always have someone to come home to (and do some emotional labour for them). It doesn't have to be their actual irl girlfriends — many people draw the RPF line at including semi-famous partners, and that's a totally understandable stance — but there aren't even that many OC girlfriends. It is something that stands out to me compared to, idk, hockey RPF to make the most obvious comparison.

HAVING SAID ALL THAT. Yeah, I'd actually be very interested in more fics where Charles has a girlfriend. Again, it doesn't have to be a fictional version of his actual rl girlfriend, it can just be an OC with a different name. BUT, Charles's whole serial monogamy thing is actually a really big part of his personality that I think fandom misses out on, because HE is the one who's assigned the role of girlfriend in most ships he's involved in. You know, the omegafication of Charles... I get why it's a popular trend, I've written it myself and enjoy reading it. But I think there are interesting things to be done, characterisation wise, drawing on the fact that irl he's very much A Dude, and also a serious relationship kinda guy, and a very basic kinda straight guy who yearns for three children by age 35. Like... I think taking THAT kind of man and giving him a sexuality crisis is an avenue full of potential that the fandom could explore more.

tldr: I fully respect people's decision NOT to engage with significant others in RPF but also I think it has potential if you're inclined to go that way! so yea I agree RPF fandom could and should do more with Charles having a girlfriend even if people choose not to RPF *this* specific girlfriend.

#rpf #character notes #wags #ask to tag #ask #tldr highkey respect people's decision NOT to engage with significant others in RPF #but also I think it has potential if you're inclined to go that way

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f1girliefics · 2 days

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Hi All! ✨

Hope everyone is doing well.

I have an idea that could work for any driver and I'm interested who YOU want to see more of?

Please pick 1 driver, you guys have a week to choose.

#f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 imagines #f1 x reader #formula 1 #formula one #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc x reader #lewis hamilton x reader #max verstappen x reader #lando norris x reader #lando x reader #lando norris #lewis hamilton imagine #lando norris imagine #max verstappen imagines

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writingcold · 2 days

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Chapter Eight - Internal flaws and internal conflicts will lead the way

Content Warnings: I need to put this here - this is a work of fiction. There will be imagery of violence, character deaths, inequities, poverty, heavy angst, and adult sexual situations throughout the story. Please read at your own discretion. All characters are fictional, though some of the big events that are shown are historical, but may not be historically accurate.

Thank you to @edgingthedarkness for all of her help as my all mighty beta for this fiction. She listened to me drone on and on about it for months on end. She really took a bullet for this one! She created the banner for this story as well! Also thank you to @katuschka for her amazing skills in bringing our hero Jakub to life. Divider art by @ firefly-graphics.

The Dead

Jake X Fem!Reader

Chapter Eight word count: approximately 6000 words

Warnings in this part: Sibling arguing, feelings of self doubt, grief.

Chapter 8.1: Swansong in the Graveyard

“Spill it,” Owen said as he stared directly into his phone.

Fighting the urge to laugh, I found distraction in yanking the pan of eggs from the stove before they burned. “Spill what?”

“Gran says that you’re still in Frankenmuth.”

I nodded as I plated up my breakfast. “So?”

“I don’t know when the last time you were in a single place that long just to do research,” he jabbed. “If you wanted a dude in lederhosen, I could’ve flown you here to-”

I grumbled, bobbling my plate and coffee to the table away from the phone. “It’s just more than I planned on. That’s all.”

“Still not talking about the story is what is bothering me,” he admitted, turning back to the screen just as I returned to grab my phone from the counter. “Typically you’re done with research and writing by now. How interesting can that touristscape be?”

I rolled my eyes and moved the topic away from me but it boomeranged back within minutes.

“What about that literacy bit you have - isn’t that coming up?”

Eating slowly, I explained how the conference would traverse across three days and many state-based authors and educators of all levels teaming up for more impactful and meaningful methods of catching the interest of kids and adults …

“Stop,” he growled as I finally hit the bored button. A twinkle in his eye caught me off guard as he leaned in close. “You gonna take the cute pilot to the conference?”

I blinked. I blinked again as my brother’s grin grew smug. “Pardon?”

“The pilot? Maybe he can fly you two out and then-”

“Owen,” I tried to break in, but he continued to ramble. He spoke unabashedly. “Owen, please.”

“Come on, Y/n,” he jabbed. “He’s a good looking guy. How could you not-”

“I’m hanging up.”

“No! What the hell is going on?”

“Don’t want to talk about it.”

He sat back in his chair. When I finally looked at the screen and took in his expression, I knew he got it. Maybe.

“Since when?”

“Since when, what?” I dodged.

“You’re not seeing that guy.”

“Well, since it wasn’t anything but fun anyway-”

“Jesus,” he huffed. He did not bother to wait for my response. “When are you gonna give this up and take meeting someone seriously?”

“Maybe when you-”

“Dumbest argument ever.” He flipped me off and my jaw dropped. “I at least got married. Divorced, yeah. But I was married and loved it, remember? You won’t even try for fuck’s sake.”

“I’m just saving a whole lot of trouble for someone.”

“Bull shit.”

“You’re not my therapist.”

“Considering you don’t have a therapist, I kinda am, sis.”

“Owen, let it drop.”

His eyes pierced the screen and hit mine and my cheeks colored all the more. It was the same look mom would deal out when we were caught avoiding chores or doing something naughty.

“I just want you to be happy.”

“I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy.”

“No, but you sure as shit deserve to be happier.” He fell quiet and I picked at a bit of dry skin on my palm. “I know this year is hard. Shit, every year has been hard.”

I swallowed. He looped us back to a conversation from my prior year’s birthday. I had officially out-lived my mother. To think that by the time she was thirty two, Corrine had lived her whole life. The notion made all the bruises of losing her and Dad all the more fresh. Grief is strange that way. Loss does not get easier as the years pass. It doesn’t heal. No. Those are the kind of wounds that are permanent. They rear up every day and your brain just puts the pain into a box with a lid and a label to remind you. But it never goes away. Owen was the only one who knew who Mom and Dad were for us. Gran might have been her mother, but Corrine was our mom. That kind of permanence doesn’t go away. Not ever.

Feeling wrung out and done, I told my brother that I loved him and would talk with him in a few days. Upset was not the right word. It was easy to brush others off as just not understanding the situation. With Owen, hiding was not an option. What was an option was to shove the whole conversation to the side and ignore it for a few blissful hours to focus on research.

“Fuck,” I sighed as I looked at my scattered pile of notebooks and the singular tab that was open on the laptop.

What was there really to research? I had followed the thread of Jake Thomas and of Yakov Petrov to its end. Whoever the hell it actually was in that cemetery was just as elusive as the story itself. Was there a pirate? Yup. Was there a love story right out front and center? Yes. It hurt my head all the more that both were dead and stuck in a cemetery trying to figure out how to ‘move on’ but not leave each other.

“God, this sucks balls,” I griped.

How dramatic would it be to torch a manuscript? Would it hurt? Would I laugh maniacally as I dropped it page by page into the open flame? Or perhaps let it spoil in the rain. Ah, even better - cast it to the wind off some mountain would be delightful, I would imagine. The writers of old must have relished in the self murder of their work, unlike what it takes today. Striking a simple delete key does not seem to have the same killing stroke.

My vibe must’ve been casting a bat signal as a text came through from Vin, scheduling a check in in a few days. I grimaced. I was going to have to get my shit together and make my story the best ever gothic pirate romance. Fuck my life. In truth, I was at a dead end. No pun intended, of course. Guitar Jake or Yakov the Artist. There was no real way to incorporate them in the story either. Maybe they could be side characters? The dynamic could add to a comedic element. Twentieth century hedonist rock star meets nineteenth century hedonist artist from deep in his own family tree…

“I have officially lost my shit,” I muttered as I made myself move away from my perch at the table.

Truth be told, if my research was complete, there was no reason to stay in Frankenmuth - was there? The idea seemed wrong. The thought was frayed at the ends like it was trying to stop me from leaving. I melted into the soft cushions of the sofa. Funny idea that was - but why? My fingers found the comfort of the tangled, corded fringe of a pillow as my mind began to drift.

⭒☾ I smoothed the scratchy lace down across the bodice of the dress. The pit of my stomach bristled with opposition. I did not need another party. I did not need to dance and smile and laugh falsely. I did not need to breathe in smoke and the same conversations over yet again. I wanted to lay with my Jakub and feel his warmth around me. I wanted to read to him and him to me and listen to his breathing with the crash on the velvet shore as the sun cast its last rays to the sky. I wanted to feel his strength and bask in the heat of us.

However, there I was, walking down the grand stairs, eyes cast to me as if I were some entity to be in awe of. Father was clapping his hands and his voice was booming across the house guests in a tone of celebration. The players began to draw their bows across their strings in a lively jig that tugged the gathering to the wide planks of the ballroom. I blew out a breath that was sour as I cast a wary eye at the backs of my guests. I took refuge with my lovely sister-in-law, Celeste, in the sitting room where voices were hushed and tempers were placid. Somehow, she had hidden a tiny book of sonnets in the folds of her skirts. We read together and kept out the voices of those around us.

“Have you seen him? Has he been here to call upon you?” she whispered, her voice full of conspiracy wrapped in grace.

I nodded as I turned the page. “Been here two days and every moment he can, he is here.”

“I thought I had caught a glimpse of him on the beach when Astrid and I were at the market this morn,” she said. Her smile was dreamy as she leaned into me. “He’s so handsome. If all you say is true, Maéva, he is a good man that you love.”

The words shivered across my skin and tingled in my breath. Celeste was my only confidant. She was the only one that knew of how my heart fluttered and my smile sparkled any time my Jakub was near. She was the only one I knew would not cast judgment to his station in this world, as she herself was the daughter of a stablemaster. And she was just as giddy as me when it came to my tales of how we would dance in the tide as it tumbled ashore, or the little trinkets that he would bring to me from his ports of call. She would swoon just as much as I would over the pretty little rock or the pressed flower that would remind him of something I wore or made him feel.

“Dance with me.”

I looked up to find Matthias hovering above me, his hand, although turned up for me to take, was kept against his hip bone. I did not like his face. There was a darkness about him that he did not shake, nor did he try to truly hide. His status as a future viscount was his bank that he had overdrawn upon to make himself elevated over the rest of us. We all knew why the viscount had brought his family to this place - he was poorer than those that made their way on the beaches and on the ships of the harbor. He only presented lavishness and superiority due to the blood in his veins. Looking into his dead eyes and his flat mouth, I made my apologies that I was not well enough to dance. Celeste slid her fingers through mine to hold me close.

“I am sorry, sir,” she said as if her tone was filled with silk. “But our Maéva feels a fever coming upon her-”

He reached for our joined hands and separated us. “She looks plenty strong enough.”

I searched for my father, but he was too busy clapping Matthias on with encouragement that I knew any argument would be for not. The anger toiled under my breath as I voided my expression. One dance. And then I could build upon Celeste’s fever fib. My eyes stared forward while my feet and frame moved in time with the players. I imagined my Jakub, dressed in the fine fabrics that Matthias wore, showing off the strong body and grace he had been blessed with. I saw him with his hair drawn back and his hands polished. But that was not him. No. My Jakub was wind blown and wild and hardened by work. His mind was open and his words were shaped by his experiences. That was the man I loved. Threadbare and hungry.

Father and the viscount were close, talking with wide smiles. Their words were fast and glib looking. Father’s excitement was palpable. His hands were like two excited birds flitting around him. I gave the man I danced with no satisfaction of words. But then he gave me only silence anyway. It was as if he and I were in unvoiced agreement to pacify the patriarchs that were obviously so much more aflutter over our nearness. Soured thoughts were bending the joyful notes that filled my ears. Each face that I looked upon held anticipation and cheer. Anxiety stabbed at my feet. My limbs turned heavy as I turned away from him to give me some distance from his nearness. Celeste hurried towards me, her pretty face stretched with concern.

“Come. The air grows too close for us here,” she was saying as Matthias reached to catch my shoulder.

“They expect us to dance, madam,” he said, voice icy and hand heavy on my skin.

“They can be disappointed then,” she remarked.

My feet fumbled forward. I was thankful for the full skirt to hide such ungainly steps. My breath felt hot in my mouth and my stomach lurched. Everything felt woozy as Celeste maneuvered us through the tangle of guests. I wanted my rooms, but instead, she drew me to the parlor where she could shut away the eyes and wagging tongues but get me to sit.

“You do have a fever,” she said as she cast the window open.

“No,” I said, wiping at my mouth. “I was just faint. Perhaps his sickish perfume was too close to my nose.”

“He really is a brute. I heard Abel saying some rather unkind statements about that one.” She was pouring a few drops of wine into a tiny glass as I tried to compose myself. “We can hide here for a while. I’m sure Papa will be on the hunt for us, but I say let him hunt. I do not trust him when he is with the viscount. He changes when that man is near.”

She was correct. Father changed in the face of bred privilege. My soul quivered across the notion. My father’s intentions were becoming very clear. It sickened me. I wondered if they were in negotiations for my hand already, or perhaps still in the discovery phase like two dogs, sniffing at each other to see if the carcass of the other was willing to submit. Tears prickled at my eyes at the thought. I had no control over this and it was as if I was a prized bitch looking to be sold. Celeste took to my side, but I could not be consoled. I wanted my Jakub. Such a simple dream to love him and be with him… ☾

My lungs burned like I had been under water too long. I sputtered and coughed through emotions as I pushed away from the couch. I was crying. My cheeks felt hot and sticky and wet with strangled cries that I had just been having in my dream-state. I was quick to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water to cool the effects. The dreams were getting harder to take. I had tried to write them down as is, but they were like smoke through my brain, too thin and elusive to really record. Although, I was discovering that elements of these pieces were landing more often into the story. Spooky. It was the sense of my brain leaking out uncontrollably onto the proverbial page that bothered me more than the gothic pirate love story as a whole.

I needed out of the rental for a bit. It was too late for lunch, but early supper wasn’t a horrible thing. Deciding on the diner, I packed up my bag and thought perhaps I could tuck into a corner and proof the last few pages over coffee and sandwich without having to hog a booth or table during a rush. I was correct that it was not busy, but there was a rather large, loud group that had pushed six tables together in the middle to accommodate their numbers. By the look of it, it was a men’s group that was meeting for their afternoon dose of gossip.

I slid into the booth that the server had waved me to. My eyes rolled closed over the first sip of steaming coffee. God that was good. I tucked behind the laptop, fighting to keep my expression blank as I read over the squishy words that I was daring to call worthy of a story. I sat back as the server returned to take my order. As I handed her the menu, I noticed a set of eyes I had seen before - faded blue jean colored and a very sun weathered smile met my gaze. I grinned at the kind man from the park who had been working.

Dinner finished, and some hot gossip taken in with hearty laughter, I decided to walk through the park by the library, and perhaps step foot inside as it had been a few days since I had looked across the books and care that Becca and the others had helped me through. Stopping at the florist, I purchased a few large plants to take along in thanks. It would be my first step in severing the connection here. I owed them so much, even if it did not amount to what I would really be using in the story.

“I come bearing gifts,” I announced as I struggled through the door.

Becca was quick to help. “Oh, these are lovely.”

“I thought a little more green in here would keep you bright,” I said, smiling across the wide range of plants and live displays that would carry the library through the winter.

I helped her put them close to the windows by my workstation. I grinned as I looked at her. “I’m afraid I’m nearing the end of my stay,” I admitted, my fingers drifting across the huge binding of the newspapers.

She smiled. “You’ve found what you’ve come for.”

I nodded, though reluctance swam across my heart. “I believe that I have. You have been so good to me here.”

Emotional outburst aside, it was going better than I planned. We chatted a bit before I set into the books that had become the path of my story that made my fingers itch, despite not really liking the plot. Perhaps I will settle into it at some point.

“Oh my goodness,” Becca exclaimed from behind the glass of the back office.

I was not the only one to sit up, prairie dog style looking for the source of upset. She was making her way towards me with a look that might have been inspiration. I glanced around to find that other patrons were just as puzzled as I was.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before, Y/n,” she proclaimed as she had eyes cast down on her phone, scrolling. “What was I thinking? Or… well. Not thinking is more like it.”

“Uh, wanna catch me up here, Becca? I’m not from here, remember,” I laughed at her flustered state, sure she was thinking full sentences, but what was coming out made no sense.

She grinned as she waved at me. Her exuberance washed over me and it was hard not to get caught up in it, even though I had no idea what was going on. “I have someone I need you to meet.”

Chapter 8.2: Swansong in the Graveyard

“We need to run.”

The words blazed in my thoughts as I watched the creature rise from my grave once more. I had come to the decision that this feminine form could not be Maéva. If the memories that had been shown to me thus far were true, then this thing could not be her. If this thing were my soulmate, there would be no hesitation within and know me for what I am - hers. And the truth would be the same for me, but all I could feel towards it was… curiosity. Perhaps anger. Jealousy, even. How such a creature could be doomed to repeat or seem to repeat the same construct of a path over and over without meaning… Wait. What am I if that road of thought were true? What am I in this half existence but the same as the creature - am I nothing more than goo from the ether that has been chained to a strip of ground because of some man’s greed and foul nature? For lack of a better phrase, I closed my being off from the lights of the world as the creature slipped away once more. Could something such as myself be petulant? The stray thought struck as the gate whined to its closed position.

“We need to leave.”

Her hands were shaking against my chest. Whatever had happened had just occurred. She had run to me still dressed in her fine cream and olive green gown. The lace puckered and draped across her breasts and dripped from her shoulders. I could not stop myself from dragging my fingers across her collarbones and up along her graceful neck. I tried to soothe her with my words and touch and kisses, but she whipped herself away from me.

“Jakub!” she cried, her delicate fingers tucking into tight fists.

“Just tell me then what has happened,” I said, unable to keep the edge of impatience from my tone.

She withdrew a few steps. Her features slacked with an expression that made me quiet. “I am to marry.”

The bottom of my very shallow world fell away. I could not understand her words that she continued to speak. Every bit of me was frozen on the notion that she was meant for another.

“Jakub,” she whispered.

I kissed her. It was all I could do. Our dream was to be severed. I pressed my fingertips into the plump of her blurred out cheek and the hardness of her back as if I could force her to be part of me through this mourning. She reeled back from me with a frustrated cry.

My thoughts thinned and I found myself kneeling, hands dug into the darkness of the dirt. I begged the cosmos to allow me to see her - to see my Maéva. To know her features, her expressions, her… her soul and how it resided in her eyes. I could feel her innocence. I could feel her goodness. It danced across my fabric. But to just glimpse her eyes and know her. My chin tipped and I looked into the velvet of the night sky and the swirl of songs and begged for that scrap of memory.

“No- no, Jakub,” she stammered. “We can leave this place - together. We can go to the east! We can build our lives there!”

“Maéva, you don’t know what it’s like-”

The sound she made hit me. I had insulted her.

“I don’t know what? How to live without my family? Or do you mean to say I do not know how to live without my family’s wealth?”

I felt a sigh bubble through my chest. “You don’t know what it truly means to be cold or hungry. Despair is not what I ever want for you.”

“If it means we are together, I would gladly show you what strength lies in these bones of mine.”

She was so resolute. So sure of herself. It was the trappings of her always having what she needed that gave her that kind of confidence. I felt small for these thoughts. She possessed such knowledge, such a drive to learn - but this. What she was asking would take away the shelter that allowed her to thrive in that world.

“Jakub - you could learn to farm, or build ships or apprentice in some other trade,” she was explaining. “And I could teach!”

“Teach?”

“I taught you. Surely there is no other more stubborn student!” Her laugh was pulling at my resolve. “Or I can learn to be a clerk, or even farm at your side if you are willing to have me.”

She was reaching for me once more and I could not keep my hands from passing across the fine fabric that held a menagerie of flowers and moths and swirls of colors that I could’ve studied for days to pick out all of the finer details. She knew there was nothing I would not do for her. But this - to just run. To leave them all behind and live in this world together - as equals.

“My mother,” I whispered into her hair.

“Of course we will bring her,” she said without hesitation.

Her exuberance was hard not to purchase in to.

“You have been to Boston and New York. We can make our life there. We could be free there,” she continued on.

I paused, knowing that no ship would be leaving any time soon. “When does your father expect this wedding?”

“June.”

The lake ice would have the harbor locked up for a few more weeks. If LaBeau was willing to wait to give his daughter away, that gave us the opportunity to book passage. My purse was too light to do this - to make our escape. I was already a beggar. How was I to do this without coin, without…

She kissed me and led my hands against her fine dress. She was shivering with cold. I folded her close knowing that I needed to return her to the cage of her rooms - at least for now. I wrapped my coat around her, the bite of cold nipped at me but she allowed me to hold her close as we began to walk. Maéva was like a bird, chirping out plans and flittering with excitement.

The doubt attacked in the silence of my brain once it was alone. How could I care for her? Surely she would come to regret stepping so willingly into the depths of poverty and find her love turning to resentment when the realization came that her belly was empty and her body exposed to the true harshness of this world. To know that she would willingly walk into the sheer unknown only because she loved me, set my brain on needles with thoughts of unsureness. She trusted that I would provide what I could and in trade she would care for me. Though these lands of the new world were framed as obtainable dreams, that was still only true for those of wealth. Maéva would grow tired of the scrabble to just survive on the daily means of hard labor. Perhaps I should walk away and let her to her path of husband and titles and …

My gaze turned to the way the tops of the trees bent under the angry gust of wind. It matched my own thoughts. I had entertained leaving her behind? I wanted to leave her to a fate chosen by her father? If an entity such as myself could feel shame, I am sure I was feeling it the only way I knew how. The waves of color that thundered around me, billowing into storm clouds, were gathering to punish me. Fun was on them - apparently all of this was punishment across all time.

I had watched the ice slowly crush against the shore. Maéva fought with me to take her purse and purchase three tickets on the first ship that could carry us east. It was going to be hard enough to try to get her aboard without recognition, but to be forced to use her own money - it was not the start to our lives that I wanted and it bruised my ego in a way that was difficult to swallow. After years of watching my mother struggle to keep us alive, then adding my hands to the work, it was beyond hard to take her money, no matter the cause. I had fought my way through this life. I would fight my way to get away with her, even if it meant I had to take her as a married woman - take her from that rogue of a man her father deemed better.

It was bitter. My need to stand in our way because of some perceived notion that I had to be a man for her was dragging upon us, threatening the tender thread of a chance that waited for us. What a fool I was.

Another grand ball celebrating the engagement roused me from my sulking, for that was what I really was doing - acting like a child who had been scolded and paddled. I snuck up onto the side patio, staying to the shadows with my eyes searching for Maéva. There were musicians playing and people moving around with huge smiles that oozed privilege. I saw LaBeau waving his arms around and acting like he was the rooster on the field while his daughter stood at another man’s side. I hated it - the sight of that man, that Matthias, being so close to her made a rage boil in my belly that I could not tolerate.

Their hands met and he guided her through a dance that made the guests of the party clap their hands and smile their most beautiful smiles. No smile was upon Maéva’s mouth, however. Quite the opposite. What more, Matthias mirrored her hard expression. I watched as she turned, full of grace, full of beauty while her father beamed in his greed and lust for title for the family. And the man who was equally bright - that must have been the viscount. He was practically leering over the merchant’s purse that swung so heavy at his side and dripped from the walls of his marvelous manor house. They were the mechanism that drove this union, surely.

I caught Maéva’s eye, but withdrew deeper into the shadows. Amongst the smiles and delicate music, I solidified my presence as an outlier. I would free her from this fate that her father wanted more for himself than for her. To know that he would damn her for a few scraps of veneration was sickening. Was his wealth not enough, must he really have a title to put before his name as well?

Pathetic.

The veil of clouds streaked across the velvet of night, curling and swirling through the air like the smoke from Monsieur LaBeau’s fine pipe. I could feel the anger I had felt across the expanse of time. If that was a lesson that I needed to learn from, then in my stubbornness, I never learned to let that malice subside. I could feel it still bubble and toil on my echoed thoughts.

I stole away from the manor house like a stray cat turned away from its supper. I lingered on the edges of the beach, not wanting to be seen by anyone for fear of seeing the toil of my struggle over her. I had sequestered her coins under the floor of my bed. I would collect those coins and find a ship to the east coast. It would be easier to hide in a city. Perhaps we could get to Savannah. I had listened to a fellow deck hand ramble for hours about the warmth and wild beauty of the near tropical port. Or maybe Philadelphia. There were many, many people there making hiding amongst them easier.

I knew she would be in the market the following day with her matron. We’d found it easy enough for me to shadow her for a chance to talk. It was always near the baker when Leila would have her attention pulled enough away from her charge that we could sneak away for long enough for the woman to take no notice. The morning found me lingering amongst the fringes of the market square, my stomach empty. Mother had used the last few coins for medicine for the woman next door. The babe had been sick for days. Mother had been trying to apply the typical remedies, but the fever was slow to break and it was obvious that the child's needs were beyond her hands. She bartered where she could, but when there was nothing left to barter with, she would turn to what her body may earn. I would be sure to beg the stable master and the blacksmith for work, even if it meant for a few scraps to get us through a few days.

And there it was once more. I hid this from Maéva. This aspect of struggle. I wondered if I did it to protect her or keep her blind? It did not matter. She would hear me once more lay out what was ahead, but I knew in my heart that she would not listen. She would have to learn hunger and need through experience and I would have to keep my tongue about me as she waded through the mire in hopes that she would not wake and realize the horrible mistake that she was making on loving me.

Close to midday, I was near giving up that she would arrive, and getting more frustrated as I knew I should be finding work for my hands, not standing idle. Finally, she appeared, fresh and bright amongst the damp and dingy pier. I fought my heart from just running to her. How foolish would that be. No. I waited and quietly watched as she looked over the wares she was there to procure for another day in the grand house. Her matron was already looking thin of patience. I wonder if Maéva had deliberately worn her through before even reaching the market for the sole purpose of this visit. I bided my time, moving slowly and making sure to look at the different vendors before stopping once more before the baker’s stall. My stomach stabbed and complained. I was fighting the urge to snatch a lump of bread that had been cut apart and tossed to the side as stale as it was easier to feed it to the birds than a human in need. I dug my fist deeper into my torn pocket in hopes that it would keep me from the easy notion of theft. She approached, relieving my thoughts of my hollow belly.

“Good day,” she whispered, hiding her mouth in her outstretched arm.

I smiled and nodded as I looked for the matron. “Talk?”

I moved away as was our warrant in such affairs. I would find her once more closer to the beach once she was able to slip the eye of Leila. There was a spot under the well trod boards of the pier that was in between the massive pylons where the boulders sheltered the land. I waited, breathing in the soured, fish riddled air. Maéva appeared in all of her faceless brightness, but I could feel her smile radiating off all of her body. It was always the same without fail whenever she came near. I could only imagine what I actually looked like, but on the inside - I swooned over her nearness.

She took my hand and I leaned in to kiss her mouth, but I stopped before the sweet crush touched my lips. “Will you want to go to Savannah?” I whispered.

Half of a breath later, her arms were thrown around my neck and her lips to mine with a trill of laughter. I found myself caught up in her exuberance. My love for her was absolutely consuming and yet so strong that I felt as if I could sustain on our love alone.

Coyotes chirping in the distance drew my eye back to the present. The creature was once again laying upon my grave. It was torture not knowing the significance of this being. Or perhaps it was the anguish of knowing this lingering was my form of purgatory. I was languishing across centuries of time that I should have been with her - with my Maéva.

Yeah. So where do we go from here? 💚

Tags are in the comments as it seems to work best that way! If you want to be added, let me know.

@edgingthedarkness @its-interesting-van-kleep @lvnterninthenight @katuschka @thewritingbeforesunrise @ignite-my-fire @takenbythemadness @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @fleet-of-fiction @demonrat444 @klarxtr @peaceloveunitygvf @hollyco @lipstickitty @joshym @itsafullmoon @josh-iamyour-mama @jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka @way-to-go-lad @jjwasneverhere @gretavangroupie @emojakekiszka @wetkleenex-gvf @vanfleeter @losfacedevil @myownparadise96 @lizzys-sunflower @literal-dead-leaf @musicislove3389 @raceb14

#jake gvf #jake kiszka #jake kiszka fan fiction #jake kiszka fanfic #greta van fleet #gvf #greta van fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet fan fic au #jake kiszka fan fic au #jake kiszka fan fiction au #the dead

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live-laugh-legolas · 2 days

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Hiii first off I just wanna say I love your writing and i’ve binge-read all your work thank you for keeping me fed 😩😩 <3

I was wondering if you could I could request some cheeky Boromir content? Just headcanons on his habits and his nature, like the little quirks about him. Also potentially how they tie in to an ‘x reader’ style, whatever suits you the best!

Thank you so much!! :))

Thank you! I’m glad to provide some sustenance. I’d die for this man

Boromir headcanons

-I’ve mentioned this before but I’ll restate it here; he is surprisingly socially awkward

-He’s a confident guy don’t get that wrong, especially when discussing strategy, diplomatics, etc

-But casual small talk makes him squirm a bit

-He gives the best hugs and you can’t change my mind

-He runs hot so he is like a heater; cats love him for this reason

-But he is also allergic to said cats but he won’t move them if they sit on him

-I can’t remember who but I saw someone else say that he is dyslexic and I’m fully in board with that

-He is great with kids but horrible with babies

-He talks about his brother constantly; he just loves him so much and is so proud of him

-Decent at drawing but doesn’t do it much

-Maybe only to illustrate a letter to Faramir

-A total lightweight and overly outgoing and friendly when drunk

-He’s kinda a picky eater; he always has been

-He will try other things and will eat what is served if he’s isn’t home but in general he much prefers simple dishes he grew up with

-I think he would be more interested in being an uncle than a father

-Not that he doesn’t want kids; but he would be so excited to find out he was going to be an uncle

-He cannot sit still; his leg always bounces

-He also can’t work sitting down; like if he’s going to write a letter he will be standing even if that means he is awkwardly leaning down to the desk

-Very big on comfort and self-care; he has a silk robe and will lounge in the bath with a glass of wine

-In modern day he would wear Hawaiian shirts

-And shorts in the winter

-He cannot sing; doesn’t stop him though

-He is a passionate and loyal ally to LBGTQ+

-He’s a very good swimmer

-Absolutely loves taking his friends to a secret pond to swim in

-He has no problem with nudity either; so yes they are skinny dipping

-He is very skeptical of magic; like he knows it’s real but he doesn’t really trust it

-He cannot roast marshmallows nicely; he always sets them on fire

-But he likes them completely blackened

-He is very dramatic when he gets sick but will walk off any injury (well almost every injury…)

-He really likes donkeys

-He will always genuinely laugh at dad jokes

-He can braid hair but not his own hair

#lotr #lord of the rings #lotr headcanons #lotr preferences #lotr fellowship #boromir #Boromir headcanons #lotr boromir #the lord of the rings

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sleep02sunshiine · 5 hours

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asking you about your byler theories!! will never pass up a chance to yap about my boys

Lettergate: As my boy mike, the guy that wants to become a writer surely wrote some letters to his best friend. Also if we follow what Dustin said, Mike did think about contacting Will more than "a couple of times". And surely when writing letters to El, he could have also just written some to Will, right? I feel like with Will's letters it would be different, Mike surely does want to get is emotions out properly, but he is so used to just talking to Will, that he can't believe writing the things down would have the same impact. Also what about the Will voiceTM, how could he convey that in a letter.

a talk with Robin: I feel like Robin would just know if she sees the two together even once in a non dangerous situation. I feel like her gaydar would be good with people she isn't interested in (e.g. Vickie), but I also feel like she would just know how scared Will is of "being like this". If we follow what Troy said in S1, the whole town believes these rumours, so maybe Robin also caught wind of them. I feel like she would be there for either Will or possibly Mike and she would tell them it's okay and if they need someone she is here for them.

Currently I don't have anymore theories as we for example already know that byler is gonna team up as promised by Mike in the first heart-to-heart in S4. Thanks for the ask!

#will byers #byler #stranger things #byler tumblr #mike wheeler #byler asks

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azusaluvclub · 3 days

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weak hero reactions; making you cry

thank you @kaazunes for the request! this was a tricky one to write because, for some of these guys, i can't imagine what they'd do to make the reader upset lol- so not all of it is them doing something intentionally, but the reader being hurt over the guys' circumstances. i tried not to make the reasons too same-y, lol. hope you enjoy!

gender neutral as always~

jimmy bae / bae jihoon

⋆ He would never mean to make you cry, but Jihoon is a person who usually acts/speaks before he thinks. This would be one of those times

⋆ You can tell he's overwhelmed; whatever was happening with the Union has him anxious, every nervous tick of his on full display. To no avail, you keep prodding him to tell you what was wrong, with him repeatedly pushing you away

⋆ Fed up, he lashes out, telling you to stay out of it and leave him alone. “God, you’re so annoying,” he mumbles. You sink into yourself, salty tears pooling in your eyes

⋆ Once he notices, Jihoon immediately regrets his words. He grabs your hand and dries your tears with another, feeling like a complete dick (granted, he is one). It’s hard for him to apologize, since it does serious damage to his ego, but he pushes one out. He loves you too much to save his pride right now

⋆ “I’m sorry… You care about me, I know,” he assures, listening as you vent about everything that was weighing on you, and how you wished he’d offer you that same honesty. It shifts his perspective, as you often do; it’s what he likes most about you, because you change him in ways he never thought he could

⋆ After some more reassurance, the two of you work it out. You forgive him and cuddle up to watch a movie, not once letting each others’ hands go~

jake ji / ji hakho

⋆ Man, Hakho is such a good boyfriend that it’s almost impossible for him to make you cry. If you do, it’s probably when you're both crying, often over your guys’ favorite anime (one piece *cough cough*)

⋆ But you hadn't seen Hakho in days and were growing more and more worried. All your calls went to voicemail and your messages left on delivered. He'd do this sometimes when he was busy with Union affairs, but you were sick of it. So there you were, standing at his front door

⋆ When he comes out, his expression is defeated and the first words out of Hakho’s mouth are, “Why are you here?” He sounds disappointed to see you and it feels like a punch. Why are you here? Were you not supposed to care about him?!

⋆ You want to explode, until you notice the exhaustion on his face and realize you can’t. Instead, you break down crying, because you hate seeing him this way. You couldn’t understand why wouldn’t leave the Union when it was draining him so much, or why he'd constantly hide from you when things were rough

⋆ Hakho envelops you with his arms, burying your head in his shoulder. “I’m sorry, baby, I just… I can’t leave yet. I love you, but it’s not that easy.” You beg him to explain; he says there’s no point. Honestly, he wants to spare you knowing the more unsavory things he’s done, even if it wouldn’t change your love for him. "Next time I won't run from you."

⋆ Hakho comforts you until the tears subside and promises that he’ll leave soon. You know it’s just him consoling you, right now, but you'll keep hoping none-the-less

wolf keum / keum seongje

⋆ Seongje can be a prick, unintentionally or not. You know this, but his blunt attitude was what interested you in him and, at times, you loved it — until it bit you in the ass

⋆ You’ve dragged him to the mall for a shopping day. There was a family event coming up that you needed nice clothes for, and unfortunately nothing was working. Everything you’ve tried on fit wrong or washed your skin out. Seongje was no help, either, only shrugging or nodding to the outfits you’d showed him

⋆ Growing tired, you ask him to give a real opinion. He looks at you, “If I’m honest, it’s fuckin’ ugly.”

⋆ You frown and slink back into the dressing room, dejected, quickly changing back to your regular clothes. The whole walk home you barely speak, the words still spinning around your mind. Did he really think that of you?

⋆ Unable to take it any longer, your lips begin to quiver, tears brimming your eyes. Seongje notices and pulls you into an alleyway, a bit disoriented as he thought things were going great, and suddenly you’re crying in the middle of the street. He’s never been good with emotions or situations that required a lot of them, but he listens to you and tries to sympathize, wiping away your tears. It stings being confronted with the effect of his words on someone he cares deeply for, and watching you cry is the worst consequence

⋆ “Don’t cry, okay,” he says. “I didn’t realize I’d hurt you, sorry.” It’s easier to forgive when you see his pouty face, even though you want to stay upset. He’s still learning how to be less rough, but it's an honest effort; you'll give him some grace with that

⋆ He kisses your forehead and you kiss him back, giving up on shopping and deciding to visit the arcade instead (which was a lot more fun, anyways-)

forrest lee / lee sehan

⋆ If Sehan makes you cry, he cries too; and if you are crying, it's not typically his fault. Sehan is more normal than fellow Union leaders, so he's mindful of your emotions in a relationship

⋆ You were supposed to go on a date, but hours went by and it seemed like he was going to flake. You were confused as this wasn't like him at all, and it had you worried that something happened. When he didn't pick you up, you instead spent your night sobbing in bed. You'd thought that, though he's a delinquent, he would be different to you. But he stood you up and didn't have the decency to even send a text

⋆ Around 11, Sehan shows up and you promptly pull him inside to confront him. When the light hits his face, you gasp — it's covered in bruises, dried blood caked around his nose and the side of his head. His knuckles are battered, too, and your tears come creeping back in, dribbling down to your chin

⋆ Sehan jumps into boyfriend-mode, holding you tight regardless of how sore his body was. Making you cry hurt worse than all the punches he'd taken, especially when you cried because of him. He felt like shit; all he could do was apologize profusely and rub your back

⋆ "I wanted to come sooner, but... shit happened. I didn't want to ignore you, or have you see me like this," he whispers. "I'm sorry, I should've called." Sehan kisses your head and you melt into him. Even if you wanted to be mad, you couldn't

⋆ Once you've calmed down, you sit him in the bathroom to tend his wounds and plan out your next date, Sehan eager to make everything up to you

donald na / na baekjin

⋆ As much as he tries, Baekjin isn't always the most attentive. He's often caught up with overseeing the Union + his business endeavors, not giving him much time to really be there for you

⋆ The moments you get are brief so he tries giving you his full attention, but he gets distracted easily, even when you disapprove. This time you were out to eat, sitting in a restaurant way out of your budget, on one of the few dates you'd have. It was going perfect until he disappeared for 20 minutes to answer a call, leaving you all alone

⋆ You're let down, severely. When he returns, you're sullen, unsure if you should say anything. You don't want to feel this way, so you tell him you want his phone off the rest of the night. Baekjin lets out an annoyed sigh, "I can't, you know this. There's a too much going on with this Cheongang mess and I can't drop it."

⋆ It's a slap in the face. Your eyes sting, appetite wasted; you don't want to cry here, but you hate when he does this and now he's completely brushing it off. You can't fight the tears that come, and Baekjin's heart stops. "So is the Union more important than me?" you ask, his stomach tightening. Were you really this hurt over it? He didn't realize how serious it was to you and now he's regretting it

⋆ Baekjin reaches across the table for your hand, disappointed with himself. "No, it's not," he reassures, powering down his phone and shoving it in his pocket. "You are, so it's just you and me tonight. I love you." He kisses your hand and you soften at his touch

⋆ He spoils you the rest of the dinner, buying you all the dessert you want. He doesn't say it, but Baekjin feels relieved not having to worry about what was going on outside of your little bubble; all he needed was to see a smile on your face

kingsley kwan / kwan seokhyeon

⋆ You love Seokhyeon, truly, but you can get frustrated with him just as easily. If you tell him he's wrong, he'll do his best to change, however he isn't as perfect as he'd like to be

⋆ The one thing that comes between you is his loyalty to Baekjin. Sometimes you think he should date him instead, but that's you being petty. It's not uncommon for your plans to get cancelled because Baekjin needs him. While you try to not complain and see it from his POV, today you just can't

⋆ Seokhyeon is helping you prepare for your exams, as he's a lot smarter than you (and you like the time spent with him), until he gets a call from Baekjin. It seemingly lasts forever and once he hangs up, Seokhyeon tells you he has to leave. You frown; you've told him before not to do this. Not only that, he knew how badly you needed help on your exams, yet he's ditching you again

⋆ Your lips quiver as Seokhyeon packs his things. When he goes to say goodbye, he sees your watery eyes + red face and stops, frantically asking what's wrong. He knew you wanted to spend time together, but he thought you'd understand

⋆ You decide to let it out, how you feel second place to Baekjin and that Seokhyeon's relationship with him seems more important than the one he has with you. He drops his head in shame, knowing what you're saying is true — no matter the intention. Still, it stings to see you hurt over his actions

⋆ "You're right, I should be putting you first. I love you, there's nobody who matters more to me." You struggle to believe it, but he pulls you close and you allow yourself to try and accept it when he says, "I'm sorry."

⋆ Seokhyeon calls Baekjin and asks to see him later, cuddling up to you on the couch after. He kisses your cheek and pulls his textbooks back out, ready to help you pass your exams

#weak hero #weak hero webtoon #weak hero headcanons #jimmy bae #weak hero imagines #wolf keum #donald na #kingsley kwan #jake ji #forrest lee #weak hero x reader

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eraofkalki · 1 day

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Well what a wonderful thing to wake up to so. . .

Alright. This man. This silly sorcerer that has resonated with me since the start of the game and that obsession nearly doubled down when Nightbringer came out.

He's one of the more multifaceted among the characters. Cunning and wise yet sly and playful, always putting on a smile or that near-sarcastic frown when things don't go as he pleases. Look not saying that the others aren't as interesting—we'd have plenty of room to argue—though I believe that Solomon reigns supreme as being one of the most interesting characters to write for.

How come?

Well. . . a lot could happen.

You may be given a hypothetical scenario: think specific like running away in a getaway car after spending all your money at a casino, or browsing the atlas hidden in the depths of the library as your first date. When you picture those, you may think of let's say Mammon or Satan, or whoever you think would absolutely fit the vibe.

Here's the thing: while you may let any character have their moment with these given prompts, there's no deny that- "hey. wtf. these can apply to Solomon."

It's just.

Wow.

He's not necessarily a one-size-fits-all character, but his personality and dialogue alone quickly layouts millions of possibilities for whatever his character has going for. And that is not yet mentioning his serious moments. Or so his mysterious past as people continue on to speculate about it.

He's so tragedy coded that it's not even funny. Silly man with a dark bloody past?

Which brings to another point- while of course he is a silly ass sorcerer trickster to an extent: when he's serious, he's absolutely fucking serious. <- this person is partly tired when anyone excuses a character's carelessness and naivety due to their trickster persona. And this is not one time as well- Solomon is half to fully serious in his words. While he says it in playful banter, it's the full truth.

And this isn't even adding the fact that man is a fucking simp. Knees on the grown, head hung low, kissing the ground you grace your presence with type of devotion. The embodiment of a starstruck lover, from less likely friends to unlikely partners. At first I was skeptical when people gush over how "domestic" Solomon acts in OM:NB but- man. I got hooked into the bandwagon and now another white-haired guy has me by the neck and heel.

This is mostly how I base my take on his character when writing anything with him: given the information just as dialogue and lore tidbits. It absolutely doesn't help that Moni over here reminds me of my first lo—

That's all for now, hehe!! I have a lot more to say about this guy buuut, that's for a later time :))

i think the multifaceted nature is exactly the most interesting part about him. i sometimes think that there could be any situation in the game and the devs could make solomon react in multiple ways, and i could still be like "oh yeah that makes sense for him to say that/do that" for all of them (not like every single possible situation but you get what i mean i hope). because. he's like that.

his sincerity is one of the traits i admire the most about him. yes, he tends to wave off more personal questions but i don't think that he's any less sincere or honest about the things he does express just because he's reluctant to divulge too much about himself (the mystery makes him hotter hello)

also is it just me or i have these random moments of realising that this guy's like. insane. and he's toning it down by alot. you could write a list of insane shit he's done and stare in awe at how insane the shit he's done is but like. he acts like this guy. this silly little guy who happens to be crazy powerful but then u realise that he's CRAZY powerful and he could be so much more...harmful and sinister if he wants to be. i know this applies to the others too but like, it's just more interesting for him (AND simeon, they're just two Guys who i think are Actually OP) than for others because it's already like known?? for others?? ig? like, it's sort of ingrained in us but when it's him you just have these lil moments of wait woah yeah

idk what im saying im half asleep

and all that + how he's fully, desperately, madly whipped for mc. he'll give them the universe if they ask for a star but this mf will stay on the sidelines because "oh i don't want to interr-" shut up you soggy waffle ive been waiting with your ring for the past 4 hours and my hands hurt

anyways

everyone live laugh and solomon

#thank you very much #also first love??? 🤨 do guys like that even exist #i am fed #i mean the hunger for solomon never dies but #good job #interconnectedmatrix ♡#obey me solomon #obey me #vee chats #vee rants

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zecoritheweirdone · 3 months

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hey do you guys wanna see a comic for a msa au me and my friend ascel came up with? trick question yes you do. anyway- hehehehehhhoo body swap au <3.

okay quick context for this rq- this is an au where it diverges after freaking out- instead of possessing the truck, lewis ends up chasing the gang for a while, maybe a week or two? arthur and vivi don't know why this random ghost they met ages ago keeps going after them, but one things for sure- he really, really wants arthur's head on a spike.

cut to the present- arthur got separated from vivi and mystery, and lewis ends up chasing him into the woods!

#my art #mystery skulls animated #arthur kingsmen #lewis pepper #msa arthur #msa lewis #msa body swap au #i don't have a proper name for this au yet; aside from. well. body swap au #i hope you guys enjoyed this!! this took me. a While. ibispaintx says i spent like 72 hours on it #not consecutively of course; but like. Still. this is the most effort i put into a piece of art i think #close runner up would prolly be those hc msa redraws i did;#but for those i didn't really have to do any backgrounds #did you know i don't like drawing backgrounds? now you do! a.#dialogue could be better; but. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. consider this a first draft for a potential fic? 'cause i really wanna write a fic for this #however. i made this whole thing to procrastinate on writing my fics.#so. yeag.#also the little ferret thing goes by it/its pronouns!! and is Definitely not just a self-insert!!!!#(listen i had to figure out how exactly the body swap happened and like. them pissing of some creachur seemed more interesting #than finding some weird artifact or smth)

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lord-squiggletits · 7 months

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I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain #so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash #i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent #what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving #is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt #and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists #so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character #so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of #'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him'#but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid #and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like #the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of #being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths #then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part #and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts #and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine #this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer #and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like #how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil #and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit #like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma #but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel #and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple #bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed #but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal

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