#if you ever think i'll stop going in ask rr

[tha-wrecka-stow]

[ca-suffit]

The whole thing with the shirt gives me mixed feelings, because I do think it's nice to separate Jacob's projects from one another, and Louis from Lestat and even his work from himself as a person etc. Sometimes they're kind of mixed together, yes, I don't think we should avoid that at all costs because they're still some parts of his life, but it just doesn't have to be the whole time. I tried to read as much about it as I could on social media to see what was going on and the fans said nobody brought IWTV-related stuff up, that everyone enjoyed his music alone (I do doubt people would buy tickets and go to his concert just to give him a Lestat shirt). But they wanted to give him something since he missed Comic Con (and they released a teaser about season 3, that happens to center Lestat) and loves it so much. And well, he laughed, so either he enjoyed it or hid it well. I don't know since I'm not in his mind... I don't know if he got other gifts, I'm assuming he must have since he took pictures and even stopped to talk to a lot of fans and they usually bring fanart, fan books and stuff like that. And some of those people came from other continents so they only had that chance. In those cases, I don't think it's bad to give something that is related to IWTV or even another acting job, like GOT? If it is probably the best fanart the person has ever made and it took them a long time to master and the only opportunity they have is a concert, I think that's understandable. And sometimes stuff happen by accident too, like the day before SDCC when a fan met Sam, Assad and Delainey by accident and gave Sam a loustat fanart, from what I gathered he didn't have anything for Delainey and Assad, but he wasn't planning or expecting it... Maybe if he knew, he would have brought some? And there were people bringing stuff for Jacob and asking Sam to give it to him as well... It can get kind of complicated. I do believe that if you're able to go to events and meet them regularly, you should separate. When it's about IWTV, you talk and give gifts about IWTV, when it's about music, then give RR-related presents, if you're meeting Jacob, Sam, Assad and Delainey at different times but on dates that are kind of close, then you hand them yourself your gifts and don't ask other people for it... But if it is an "I only have this one chance and it will never happen again", I believe they would understand and wouldn't mind it. I also don't know how much of what they get are about their characters as individuals and what's about the dynamics (loustat, loumand, armandiel, Louis/Lestat + Claudia etc). IF everything he gets is just loustat and Sam gets Lestat alone or a good balance of Lestat individually, loustat, lesmand, the family etc, then people really need to get their shit together. But if it's balanced for all of them, then I don't see the problem. If you only care about one ship and hate the others, then at least you should make stuff about that ship and the characters alone because they're not just a package. But you could give it a try because it can end up being fun and I'm sure them getting new types of gifts would be even more memorable than getting a good gift but that is still about stuff. I bet if somebody draws Louis, Paul and Grace, Jacob would probably remember and even mention it on an interview, because I'm assuming he doesn't get pre-vampirism Louis content that often. So here are some ideas for people! Anyway, I don't really know how things work here yet. But I guess I'll gradually find out. And also, in future moments, like, if one day they do a season focusing on The Vampire Armand and idk, Sam is in Australia promoting The Newsreader, would people go to him with an Armand shirt or a Lestat one? Anyway, I don't have a clear answer and if I don't, I give the benefit of the doubt. But, still, there are a lot of things that people could think about.

"And also, in future moments, like, if one day they do a season focusing on The Vampire Armand and idk, Sam is in Australia promoting The Newsreader, would people go to him with an Armand shirt or a Lestat one?"

I think this sentence in particular says a lot that ppl should think about v hard tbh.

also someone else from the RR gig posted some stories about the experience that's just been posted earlier if u didn't see it!

thank u for ur comments<3

[fountainpenguin]

So I'm genuinely curious over how Leonard is one of your favorite characters in the series. In both Pahkitew and RR, he was around for only one episode with his shtick being that he took larpring so seriously that he legit thought they he was a wizard with that mentality being the reason why he was the first to be eliminated in both series.

Yes, and he SOLD IT. I'm a fanfic writer and I'll always fall for the characters who are legitimately fun to write. I would make him a main character in a story any day (and have, and they're some of my faves). I actually use Leonard as my base inspiration for several characters even in my current fanfics because he is THAT strong of a character (to me).

He's a shameless, charismatic sweetheart of a team leader who will grab fast food with you, spill all his secrets, and give you the world unless you mildly inconvenience him, and then he'll instantly swivel to "Wow, I literally do not respect anything about you :)" and I'm in love with it.

Also I'm just gonna say it: I will ALWAYS go for the character who wants to summon a dragon to destroy everyone who's ever wronged him. Leonard is SO conflict avoidant but also he's down for everyone who's ever been mildly rude to him to suffer a horrific death. Do not excuse him from his crimes; we all saw him make multiple attempts to commit murder. Smh.

This is the same guy who throws confetti when he's excited. The duality of man. He WILL dance on your grave.

This is Leonard's actual audition tape. This is what he submitted to the producers. It's him complaining about how someone stole his unicycle. Why did he submit this? Why is he like this? Love him.

(Cnt'd Leonard ramblings under the cut. You will regret this.)

It's the way he chuckles at his friend and takes a moment to clarify that no, he's not made of paper. Like. If his friend asked him to come over and then the follow-up question was "Are you made of paper?" then you know this is someone in Leonard's friend group and you know he was 100% willing to whip out his unicycle and go to his friend's house in his full LARPing gear. He has no fear of judgment, no shame, and he must have incredible balance and I just think that's fun. This boy lives for himself. I love characters who are unapologetically all-in with what they love and who they are.

It's the way he says "I'm making a video" as if he's just... doing something unimportant. WHY did he submit this? He's already set up as this character who brushes off the professional side of the competition in favor of doing whatever the heck he wants, and that's hilarious. The amount of confidence he oozes every time he's onscreen is just... palpable. We know he was canonically bullied in school, but man oh man, that clearly does not stop him. He fears nothing and I fear him.

Most of the characters let Chris push them around because they'll do whatever it takes to move to the next episode and try to win a million dollars. Leonard is ONLY here to play and make friends. He made the active choice to be stubborn and throw away his chance at the money because if he couldn't play the game his way (in character) then he didn't want to play at all. And that is so interesting.

Look at his bedroom. Look at how into this aesthetic he is. He's heating a cauldron on an electric burner. He's got candles. He's got scrolls and a crystal ball. He's got so many books. He LOVES what he does and he's unapologetic for it. He's so authentic and pure and good and I love him for it.

Leonard runs around in his full-on robes, his fake beard, and... converse shoes. He's committed to the outfit in so many ways but he needs comfy shoes to be happy and I respect that.

Look how cute he is... his body language is just. fun. Just stands there all smiles while his girlfriend throws confetti. Having a fantastic day.

Then that next scene where Tammy keeps throwing confetti on him and he just stands there with his eyes pinched shut and he's trying not to hurt her feelings is... super cute.

Leonard brings a "Let's have a good attitude and be loyal and friendly" vibe to the team that Dave specifically cannot stand. Every single other person on that team liked Leonard. Dave is just mean.

Leonard's first interaction with Dave was walking up to him and trying to cleanse him of evil, which is so funny to me. Dave is "the normal guy," Max was sitting right next to him and just gave his spiel about how evil he was, and Leonard took one look at Dave, who was sitting there and doing nothing, and said "No, THIS is the one who needs cleansing." Absolutely savage (and he was right).

His parachute failed. Everyone else is screaming. Leonard shows no fear. Tries to save himself with magic. He has a whole spell book. Went straight for the wing spell. Still falling to his doom. Just chilling. His commitment to the bit is unparalleled and I love him.

Leonard's super compassionate, I think... Threw himself in front of Dave and ordered him to crawl to safety, then grabbed a weapon and readied himself to face his enemies. Leonard is way more dramatic than he needs to be, but you can tell he's super loyal because he's willing to put himself in the line of fire for others. For no reason.

We know Leonard watched the OG Total Drama series, because he grabs a pipe, whips it above his head, and tells Chef to "go back to the shadows of Wawanakwa." Sure, we can assume most of the contestants watched the previous series before they auditioned, but I appreciate it for Leonard specifically because he really looked at this show and said "Yes, this is a smart place for me to go LARPing." Considering how he threw in the towel in episode 2, refusing to break character, I think he watched the previous episodes and thought he would meet like-minded nerds rather than compete for money. He wanted to make friends :(

Leonard gets a bad rap for being bullied and unlikable, but like... he's SO charismatic. He's a natural leader who speaks up when he has ideas. Sugar, Ella, and Beardo are all over him immediately. Sky turns to him and asks him to take charge and when Leonard suggests linking arms and chanting in order to build a tower, Sky and Shawn are among those who cheer. Episode 1 Leonard was everybody's sweetheart <3

Leonard's not "the weird kid nobody likes." He's the flippin' team leader. And he did exactly what he promised to do, which was lead the team to build a wizard's tower (It's not his fault he didn't expect a moose stampede to knock it down).

Dave is a GROUCH in episode 1 and straight-up mocked the tower in front of Leonard, and Leonard is still all smiles and love and hugs. You can NOT fight Leonard's commitment to purity and sweetness. You will lose. I love him so much.

Leonard is SO silly. He keeps getting in so many risky situations and walking away unscathed, and every single time he's like, "Yeah, I was fine because I'm awesome." I just think he's fun.

Leonard is just so ??? /gestures. He climbs on rocks and stands on them. Just because he can. He just kinda... touches things. And plays. Loves telling stories. Loves having fun.

It's the way that all his teammates are complaining about how they had to sleep on rocks last night, and Leonard rolls his eyes with a massive smirk on his face and says "Pfft. I levitated all night." Like. Why is he committing to this? He makes me laugh.

[It's the same subtle sass he flings around in R-Race when he has no trouble riding his camel and others are struggling. It's so uncalled for. He's just sassy sometimes.]

It's the way that Ella confuses even Leonard. Why is Leonard SO into his LARPing characterization but he still just... stares at Ella like he doesn't "get" her? He does this multiple times. They are not on the same wavelength. They do not vibe. It's SO funny to me because you would expect those two to adore each other, but... Ella likes being his cheerleader and Leonard's just kinda... not into it.

It's the way Leonard gets flattered when Sugar compliments him and then glares at Dave when Dave comes out swinging with his unrestrained Leonard hatred. Leonard doesn't get snippy with him. Ever. Even when Dave literally screams in his face that he thinks Leonard is useless. Leonard doesn't bat an EYE. Doesn't flinch. Just stares him down. Leonard never snaps, but always puts up with it... that character type always speaks to me. idk man. There's something about characters who simmer in silence, especially when you know how wild they can be, that always hooks me.

It's the way that Leonard has his little hand symbol that he keeps using over and over. Leonard was MADE to be eliminated early, that's his entire purpose in the show... he IS cannon fodder, but I think it's cute that he still had his own special body language.

It's the way Leonard was so shocked that he was in the bottom two on elimination night. It's the way he curled up, hugging himself and pleading to not be chosen. I just think he's cute. It's the way Leonard, who is SO TALL, gets thrown over Chef's shoulder like a sack of potatoes and Leonard just kinda... wails and stretches his arm back towards the campfire. He's baby.

Listen, I know his final act was attempted murder but he's innocent, your honor. Yes, I know he also tried to commit murder in R-Race but I demand you free my man. He did nothing wrong.

My favorite characters are the ones that are fun to write and/or practically write themselves. You get one taste of Leonard and that's all you need. He ingrains himself in your mind. You can have him do anything you want and you're right. That's the best kind of character when you're writing fanfics.

This one's probably not going to show up well, but here's a screenshot from my 'fic "The Story Where Courtney Takes Feral Zeke to Prom" (dA title; "Precious" on FFN)

He's just. Leonard. He is SO funny. Just delightful.

Leonard can be swayed to do anything as long as it's fun. And he's a charismatic leader who can sway others to play along with him, especially in a post-elimination fanfic. He is bubbly and full of adventurous spirit, and once you put him back in a non-competitive environment where everyone's a little bit bored and looking for ways to stay entertained at the elimination station, there's no doubt in my mind that everyone would love him again.

He's NICE. He's FUN. This kid knows how to research. He knows how to reach out to people. He'll fight for you. He'll throw himself in the line of fire for you. He just wants to play and be your friend. He's a charismatic sweetheart and I like him. You will never write yourself into a corner as long as you have Leonard in the vicinity. He's too big and loud and will fight anything.

I adored Leonard so much already, and then R-Race drops and we find out he has a girlfriend?? And they met when they were stuffed inside the same locker?? And they absolutely adore each other?? His only critique about Tammy is that she throws too much confetti on his head?? Incredible, 10/10. Nowhere else can I get this character. When will I ever be this funny.

Seriously I cannot emphasize enough how much I love the Leonard/Tammy ship. They are SO in tune with each other. They just straight-up arrived to R-Race in full LARP gear sipping sodas. What. Right out of the gate, sets them up as the silly beans they are. You can instantly feel how much better Leonard vibes with Tammy than he did with Ella. Love that for him.

Leonard and Tammy just... love to play. They ran around the airport throwing confetti at people. That is a thing they actually did. Why are they like this. You just know their relationship is so, so good and healthy and they adore each other. When Tammy got eliminated, her first reaction was to cast a time reversal spell, which is the SAME THING Leonard did when he got eliminated in TD. I love them.

Leonard went after the outcasts in his attempts to make alliances. He went for the adversity twins and for Crimson and Ennui. Ugh. I love that. He knew nothing about them except "those are the ones who are going to struggle to have allies." He's so good.

Also, shout out to the R-Race animators for keeping Leonard's special hand gesture exactly the same in R-Race as it was in TD. That's my boy.

And if you're still not swayed, you gotta keep in mind that my niche when these seasons were airing was in writing post-elimination 'fics, told from the POV of the character first eliminated in each cast. Getting to the elimination area early cements you as "the guy who knows what's going on." Beardo was out first and he wasn't a talker, so Leonard slid right in there. Beardo's super introverted... but Leonard? Oh my goodness gracious, if you've never tried writing Leonard then you have no idea how useful to the narrative he is.

I LOVED the dynamic I wrote between those two in Beatin' Path. They instantly fell in as BFFs, because Beardo was super shy but would go along with anything Leonard wanted to do, because Leonard's charisma is off the charts and he is GOOD at making things fun. Leonard was very good at including Beardo in his play. Beardo is so good at being the sound effects hype man. They just... loved it. Had a blast. They were having fun, so I was having fun. That's the best kind of fanfic.

Look at my sons...

Look at them... They're the worst.

I love Leonard. He's so nuts.

So part of the charm IS the fact that he got out early (twice!!) and had an extremely charismatic personality. He only wants to play, so when you put him in a non-competitive environment where he is free to play, then he THRIVES.

I just play him as this super accepting, kindhearted character who wears every emotion on his sleeve. He will tell you all his secrets. Leonard has no shame. Here's one of my favorite scenes from a late chapter I never posted. This is quintessential Leonard vibes to me:

Beardo can be going through the worst possible thing and Leonard is just so charming and charismatic that it's hilarious. I love him.

?? Leonard is Unapologetically Leonard. I am so in love with his... bizarre interactions. I know I'm posting a lot, but I just have so many things I love:

I just ??? love him. He's simultaneously out of touch with reality and living in his dream LARPer world but he'll also grab sodas with you. He's so good.

One of my worldbuilding details in my Total Drama 'fics was that cartoon physics were very real, but I did it in a silly way. Everyone had one specific "gift" that they grew into during puberty (and Cody giving Beth "the Talk" about this was the subject of my one-shot "Of Ants and Cartoon Physics").

Leonard's gift was that he had an inventory and I also wrote him as a kleptomaniac. And it was SO fun. I LOVE Leonard.

Like, I just wrote Leonard picking up random things and putting them in his sleeves. Sometimes he'd just put mice in his shirt and they would go into the void. He was the only character who had an inventory. He ran around with knives. It was lots of fun.

On a side note, the biggest reason why I stopped working on my R-Race elimination story (Lions Under Palm Trees) wasn't lack of time or passion, but... there's an entire arc about Junior hitting puberty and coming into his cartoon physics gift, which was generating extreme amounts of static electricity. I LOVE what I did with it, but I just kept dwelling on my 'fic and getting nervous that I had taken it too far beyond canon and people would be weirded out, especially since I was already making my POV characters two people the fandom had no love for.

Technically the gifts I gave characters match things that happen in canon (ex: Heather's gift was that she has retractable nail-claws, which she actually did in the New York episode of World Tour). Zeke's gift was that he's immune to food poisoning, which iirc was based on his character interview where he explains that he has a strong stomach, combined with the fact that it's implied he's had to live off raw rats in World Tour and possibly other seasons too. So my things were based in canon... I just felt like people would be turned off that there was SO. MUCH. of that kind of stuff in this 'fic. It kind of took over the plot and I just couldn't decide if that was the vibe.

But I'd go back to my Leonard 'fics in a heartbeat if I had the time. There are some NASTY hard-hitting moments in there and I love them so much. Leonard is an angel. I mean he's the worst but I love him. Topher is a menace. Tammy makes bad choices. Ugh. I love it.

I love Leonard...

[seaweedbraens]

hi! i just binged the entirety of ur fic (at least what’s posted) in less than 24 hours. spoilers ahead!! this is just a huge love note to ur fic.

i love how u seamlessly weaved all these plot lines that we know and love together into this new narrative - and made them even more compelling or changed it up in your own way!! it’s all so airtight and i legit couldn’t stop reading. i read this fic from 6 pm to 2 am (ofc with some breaks for food and water but ur fic is SUSTENANCE.) this is the longest fic i’ve read so far (that isn’t a collection of ficlets) and the only one i would be willing to marathon again 🫶

you made me love piper sooooo much. i love your piper and have achieved new heights of my love for her. i liked her in HoO but she really felt so fleshed out and lovable here!!! the type of bitchy that i love. same with jason - i grew so attached to him during this fic! ofc, annabeth always takes the cake for fave ever for me.

and you really just nailed her character. ALL the characters. no notes.

i loved the percabeth relationship progression. their tension is just!!!! jason and piper were sickeningly sweet. the way you write couples makes me ache with wanting, and leo truly represents me in that front 💀

nico di angelo. he’s the guy ever. that’s all i have to say.

HOW DARE YOU RIP MY HEART OUT WITH JASON AND HIS DEATH. i was expecting it but god did it HURT. and it is so so so terrifying… death is terrifying and you encompassed that type of horror so well.

so excited for what’s coming!!! i have so so so much love for it and i can’t believe there’s going to be so much more, even after 538k words. apologies for the lengthy letter but i just wanted to express a fraction of the love i feel for this fic 🫶 i think i’ll post this rant on ao3 as a comment too, haha!

thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!! you are a WARRIOR for finishing it all in 24 hours. like that's insanity, are you okay after all that

i am REALLY enjoying writing piper, so i'm glad you like reading her! i answered this in a previous ask but i think of my own best friends while writing her and so i think a lot of people might find that relateable.

i did my best to write the couples differently. i don't think i fully succeeded (and i apologize to RR for trashing him constantly for that, because it IS hard), but writing leo and his want for someone to love him comes from a very real place that i didnt know existed in me. it's been pretty hard writing each of the characters as their own person with their own plots and arcs but i'm glad to hear you like what i've put together so far!! i definitely have so many things i missed out on writing. maybe one day i'll add it to the fic haha

writing death scenes are SO HARD because i can never gauge if it's heartbreaking enough. as the author, i think i look at it so clinically that i end up feeling NOTHING. VERY happy that your heart was ripped out. i mean this in the best way.

thank you for the message (all the better that it's lengthy!) - i had a super rough day yesterday and i'm glad i woke up to this. thank you thank you thank you i hope you have a lovely day!!!

[imogenleewriter]

I would have waited for it to be over to rr the whole thing, write a rant simultaneously and then send but lmfao the ne chapter needs to be ranted about.

(I'm only 2 words in)

Not Louis being smarter than Harry lmao.

Yeah, Louis it's LITERALLY the only explanation my brothah stop lying

'symptoms' BAHAHAHAHA

Not Louis being SCIENCE and Harry being completely inexperienced on falling in LOVE LMFAO

Noooooo Louis knows what those feelings are cuz everytime he triggered then he also felt them himself 🥲��

✨Love ✨

Not harry's symptoms being his literal FEELINGS FFS

Nooooo Louis only has a theory. (I need Zayn to somehow find out about this debacle and repeat it at their wedding or to their children (whichever option Harry hates more and Louis is less wary of))

Yeah Louis you're definitely, DEFINITELY misinterpreting this YUP YEAH sounds about right

(side note:- idk how you even ever manage to put so much work into something you do for free and get so much stupid comments for but I will ALWAYS be SOOOO GRATEFUL 🥲 like these are the highlights of my shitty days I can't believe you do it for free TYSM TYSM THANK YOU SO MUCH 💗💗💗)

(also:- a massive, massive thank you to everyone who supports you and helps you because- just- just- LOOK how amazing these are I literally can't rn-)

Knowing for sure that Harry isn't sick, I do kind of understand why Louis is hesitant to assume Harry's just in love with him because imagine your crush is casually dying in your arms out of a heart attack or something and you are just like "dw, bestie, your heart is fully functional, you just have feelings ❤️"

Ok so rn I am at the place where Louis is thinking about how Harry can totally have feelings for him but still not want a relationship and just- *sigh* don't you just HATE it when a character who is clearly miscommunicating still make sense in their monologue based on what their arc and personality is? *sigh again*

It's so funny that the tables have COMPLETELY turned this time around now HARRY is an oblivious idiot but LOUIS KNOWS!!!!

(I love how subtle this shift is btw because I'm not really sure why but in my brain Louis' characterization seemed like he knows his problems and would just rather be in blissful denial about it, yk? But Harry always seemed like a person who would look at others worst emotions when directed at himself but forgive the other person and not himself)

Looking at Louis's inner monologue rn is so funny because he is just like "omg I cracked a case"

Help-this is getting too long for an ask but basically my point is that if I have been procrastinating this ask for ages and I am still stressing over the semantics in it then you being stressed over the complete masterpiece literature you create that I and so many other people are lucky enough to find then IS MORE THAN REASONABLE!!!!

So THANK YOU

I'll just read the rest by myself sorry 😐 I'll add it to the inevitable rant I'll send in your dms whenever I can complete it lmao my life is a fucking mess with me somehow ending up with fucking BOB CUT rn in this economy but I'll send it I PROMISE

Hahaha I love all the comments I get I promiseeeeeeeeee!

Well 99% of them. The other ones I whine about in a discord group to the point they made me my own sticker

Thanks @enchantedlandcoffee

No, but it's honestly a sticker in a group with like 80 people and I love thinking about what the people who don't know me (because the majority of the time I only go in there to complain) think when they open the group stickers and see that one.

ANYWAYYYYYYY

I appreciated all your commentary a lot! I love it when people understand the characters and why they do things even if they don't agree with what they do.

Sorry about the bob-cut, not that I have anything against bob cuts but it sounds like it was not what you wanted.

A few years ago I went to a salon and asked for my hair to be just above my shoulders. The hairdresser was clearly in the middle of something, like maybe a break-up because she was like... close to tears and kept using the phone and stuff.

Anyway my hair but was at the nape of my neck, like if it was any shorter she would have had to use a razor. Without me even complaining- because I just can't do it- the manager gave me a discount. Like I literally didn't say a word about it and she gave me a discount. That's how bad it was.

As soon as I walked out I burst into tears and cried non-stop for at least two days. I literally put on social media if anyone sees me not to talk about the haircut or I'll start crying. It was sooooo bad.

Anyway lol, thank you!!

[glorious-blackout]

8, 52 and 135!😆 (For the book ask thingyy)

Thank you! 🥰

8) a book you finished in one sitting

I don't have the attention span to read a book from start to finish without interruptions, but the closest I've come this year is 'The Song of Achilles' by Madelline Miller. I started it at around 4pm thinking I'd just fit in a couple of chapters, only to power through and finish it at 1am (with the occasional break in between) 😊

52) a popular book/series that you love

Annoyingly (considering JK Rowling's recent transphobia) I've always enjoyed the Harry Potter books, though I haven't picked them up since I left school and don't intend to change that anytime soon.

I also really love the Song of Ice and Fire series by George RR Martin, though I've given up hope of him ever finishing it 😅

135) recommend any book you like!

I don't think I'll ever stop recommending 'This Is Going To Hurt' by Adam Kay to people - it's a really funny, relatable look at life as a junior doctor in the NHS which highlights just how bizarre the job can be.

I've also just finished 'The Vanishing Half' by Brit Bennet and loved it so can highly recommend that one as well 🥰

[usrlocalshare]

Meanwhile, on a fictional radio station...

(the first person to correctly figure out what exactly this format completely rips off gets, iunno... respect?)

DISCLAIMER: The story, its characters, names and incidents portrayed are purely ridiculous. Any coincidences to real people or incidents are purely similar. (Also, this was largely written before the Charlottesville incident.)

Announcer: Default Public Radio's programming is made possible thanks to the contributions of listeners like you. Please donate in order to help us bring our informational programming to listeners in Default City and across Redmond County, or else we are going to despise you as the freeloader you are. Thank you. Next up is "In the Crosshairs" with Raul Rodriguez, a.k.a. "that traitorous deadbeat".

RR: ...and welcome back, everybody, to another entertaining episode of "In the Crosshairs", DPR's top political and social debate show, hosted by yours truly, Raul Rodriguez. As always, this show is all about taking people with wildly different views, throwing them into a single room and hopefully, maybe once in a while, coming towards some sort of agreement _without_ starting a fight or committing property damage.

RR: And today's topic is gonna be... freedom of speech. Ever since man first learned to form sounds in order to communicate with others in their tribe, speech has been a vital tool in our civilization. From the first cries of help by a hunter-gatherer in prehistoric Africa all the way to some jerk shouting about chemtrails in the Default City Public Library yesterday, we've always been wondering what kind of speech should or should not be considered acceptable. And what could be the best way to settle this thousand-year-old question once and for all than on public radio in 2017?

RR: To help us today, we have three very different guests. First, on the right, we have Duane Lee Roberts, chairman of the Redmond County branch of the "National Enlightened Identitarian Network" movement and author of the 2008 book "Marxists in Disguise: how liberals are about to turn our nation into Stalinist Russia".

DLR: Good to be on this show!

RR: And on the opposite side of the political spectrum, there's Jake Springer, local left-wing activist and outspoken anarcho-collectivist recently released on parole after spraying graffiti at the headquarters of a local conservative organization.

JS: That's me!

RR: Let's start with you, Mr. Roberts. What's your position on freedom of speech?

DLR: Obviously, I'm following the path of our forefathers here. Our nation's top law specifically protects free speech. Therefore, everyone who wants to shut someone up just because they have different political views is inherently unpatriotic.

RR: What about _you_, Mr. Springer? What do you think?

JS: Well, that's obviously untrue. Sure, freedom of speech is our sacred right as citizens, but we have some limitations. We're not allowed to shout "fire" in a crowded theater, and others are not obligated to provide a pla--

DLR: This again... Is that your universal leftist excuse or something? "platform this, platform that"... My view here is simple: if you can't stand listening to opposing opinions, you're not worthy of being part of the debate in the first place.

RR: Sorry, Mr. Roberts, but _please_ refrain from interrupting other panelists. Not this early in the show, OK?

DLR: Fine, _Raul_.

RR: Back to you, Jake. You believe that speech should sometimes be limited, but why? Could you give us some examples?

JS: Well, to protect marginalized communities, for a start. It's much harder for, say, a woman to speak up online if there's thousands of trolls ready to bombard her account with rape and death threats, right?

DLR: I have to disagree. Men get death threats online just as well, and they don't immediately run away into their safe spaces every time that happens!

JS: ...but studies have shown that women do, in fact, get targeted much more often and much more aggressively than men online. So much, in fact, that a lot of them just prefer not to express their political views at all.

DLR: And the only thing _that_ proves is that their opinions can't stand to any scrutiny. Can't take the heat? Get out of the kitchen!

RR: Wait, Duane, didn't you say _at the very beginning_ that anyone who wants to silence others for their political views is unpatriotic?

DLR: Uh... yes, but obviously there's a difference between having your speech banned and simply being criticized, right?

JS: If your definition of "criticism" is receiving hundreds of death threats every day and getting your personal info released out in the open...

RR: So looks like whichever one of you is right, some speech is getting silenced. Either it's women or minorities unable to speak out of fear of retaliation, or some neo-Nazis --

DLR: Hey!

RR: -- unable to spread their hatred out in the open. Sounds like _such_ a difficult choice...

DLR: It's not about neo-Nazis! In some places, like college campuses, even regular conservatives are afraid to reveal their views for fear of being branded bigots and racists.

JS: Well, if you expect the left to put up with right-wing trolls, you should also tolerate other people calling people like you racist, right?

DLR: Not when the only thing these "racists" want is to have less taxes, regulations and welfare.

JS: Sure, they might not actually _be_ racist, but don't you think that cutting welfare might hurt minorities harder than it would white people?

DLR: Whatever. Simply preferring meritocracy and free market economics doesn't make one racist.

JS: Neither does complaining about constant catcalling or toxic masculinity online make one, quote, "a filthy feminist whore" or, quote, "a degenerate cuck".

RR: Yeah, as insults go, gonna side with Mr. Springer on this one.

DLR: Listen here, you public radio freak. Colleges are already an instrument of socialist indoctrination. And people like Jake will drive campus conservatives into _extinction_ if not contained.

JS: Seriously? Have you even _visited_ a college? Our economics de--

DLR: Oh, God, no. Do I look like some sort of socialist?

JS: You say "socialist" like it's a bad thing.

DLR: Of course it is! Have you seen what they've done to Russia?

JS: Yes, and most of us hate _that_ kind of socialism with a passion.

RR: Okay, guys. You both have clearly gone off-topic here. Let's get back on track. So, Jake, if you had to put a limit on free speech, where would it be?

JS: Um... Banning Nazism would be a good start?

DLR: So predictable. You leftists call pretty much anyone you dislike a Nazi. With you in charge, we'd have no free speech left!

JS: Hey, not true!

DLR: The commies in East Germany literally called the Berlin Wall an "anti-fascist barrier"!

JS: And today, everyone, even "the commies" agree that the Wall was a massive failure, okay? Remind me once again, who is currently planning to build a huge wall on America's southern border?

DLR: Okay, fine. Just answer me this -- would _I_ be considered a Nazi in your world?

JS: Well, judging by the fact that there are photos online where you are doing the Nazi salute...

DLR: Says the person who responded to a pharma company raising prices on medicine by quoting Karl Marx!

JS: And that's supposed to be worse than a Nazi salute?

DLR: First of all, it's actually a Roman salute. Totally different, just ask any history geek. Second, I'm fighting against the cancer that is cultural Marxism. I'm not gonna stop just because _a literal actual Marxist_ is accusing me of being a Nazi.

JS: "Accusing"? With your conspiracy theories about white genocide on social media, you pretty much are one already.

DLR: So is this how it's gonna go? *rolls up sleeves* Well, how about this? *punches JS*

JS: I didn't want to do this, but... *starts a fistfight with DLR*

RR: ...and looks like it's time for me to phone security once again and call this program to a close. I hope the listeners at home learned something new, and I also hope I'll be able to get out of here before either one of them punches _me_!

RR: ...What's up with this show always ending in violence? Whoever picks these topics and guests must really hate me...

Announcer: And that was "In the Crosshairs". I hope Mr. Rodriguez really learns his lesson this time... How does he still show up at work after all these years?