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spencerscoven · 4 years ago

Text

— dreams of another

about ; Since that night in the office you wander onto Spencer’s mind at all times, like clockwork.

gif by saramichellesgeller

CONTENT WARNING: unedited, smut, oral sex (male&female receiving), choking, unprotected sex, cheating, angst

a/n: view part 1 here.

The second time it happens, it's only a week that passes before Spencer finds himself on the floor of the humid conference room, his limbs entangled with yours, while the cool air settles on the sheen of sweat coated on his forehead. In the corner of of the room, he watches the navy blouse discarded carelessly on the top of a chair, similar in color to the marks between your breast.

The third time it happens, he tells you it's the last time, with his back facing you and his eyes gazing at entirely nothing.

The fourth and fifth time, Spencer doesn't say anything in the tiny space of your bedroom as he overlooks the buildings surrounding your apartment, then all the way to the concrete foundation down below, studying how insignificant everyone looked. How unknowing they were to the moral wrongdoings happening all around them.

"You live so high up. I live four floors down from here in my own building." You listened as he said those fruitless words.

"What does that mean?" You questioned, lips pursing together while your finger nails caught on the creases of the cream duvet beneath you where he laid only minutes before.

“People like you are meant to fuck people like me.” He mumbles, smirking, the vibrations of his voice upheld by the enclosures of cheap plaster walls.

The only thing left to do was to watch as the muscles of his back contracted, dancing in the lines of the darkness with the patter of his feet coming towards you. You monitored the direction of his hand as it reached for the band of his briefs, the other already latched around your neck.

The sixth time it happens, it’s in the bounds of his own apartment where he presses peppery kisses along the sides of your face, assuring you in confidence that she wouldn’t catch the two of you there. And he reassures you the only way he knows how, his fingers plying at your zipper and kneeling like he would at an alter, guiding the arch of your hips closer.

Two weeks from then was when the phone calls started. You began to understand the pattern, laying awake until the sweet pinnacle of dawn where he’d whisper your name through the receiver, exhaustion tainted in Spencer’s voice when he’d ask, “how was your night?” before he began to speak. You’d listen to Spencer talk about the good and the bad. About his mother, vintage cufflinks, and the bookshelf he wanted. Sometimes about the glasses or earrings in the store had reminded him of you. Often about how pretty you looked latched onto his cock. You wanted him to want to keep you.

You wanted him to want you first, to touch you before you even had to lay a finger on him, to grab the back of your neck and kiss you first. Anything he could do to prove that he wanted this too. Something in your head told you it was wrong to long for such a furtive thing. But you found yourself willing to be second best anyways, head stuck below sub zero while you prioritized the taste of his lips along with everything else that made him, him.

So in the shadows this thing between the two of you remained.

And the team began to realize Spencer now had a thing with being late.

They also began to realize that you didn’t drink nearly enough coffee to warrant all of your disappearances.

JJ malignly embarked on the observation of the two of you during meetings, where you never met Spencer’s eye properly but unconsciously leaned your body towards him with each interaction. And all at once it made sense to her, why he was more drawn to his phone, departing from bed at night in preference of hushed ringtones, his growing fondness to late nights. They had never agreed to a proclamation of love, not even on the days she relaxed on his dingy apartment furniture. JJ figured it was his way of waiting on her to feel the same as he might’ve, when in reality it was Spencer’s way of making sure you still remained in his life.

It was a Tuesday when she let the structure of your sin unravel in the bleak corner of the hallway with Spencer, confessing “i know” and chastening him,

“How many people are you willing to hurt?”

With the unequivocal decision pinned to the front of his brain, Spencer told you he didn’t want to hurt anyone else during the last call the two of you shared at night. The words became lost from your ears as you feigned deafness, thinking about how stupid you were to take him in the only way you could, thinking one-third of him be adequate enough.

So you hung up before he said goodbye, and it was easy to do solely because if love couldnt suffice, hate would have to.

It was odd to overlook the call that came immediately after, your eyes unblinking at the white screen. The weeks after that only came to demonstrate that finding a home within someone was overrated, even if you knew who was behind the blocked numbers that caused your phone to viberate so often it would fall off your nightstand.

Little by little you figured you’d forget and move onto your own devices, exhausted by the ability that you still moved through life, yet experienced none of it without itching for him next to you. You lusted after the idea you’d wake up with the intensity of it all slipped from your mind, forgetting how his arms felt, skin, pulse, the sound of his voice, or the soft ringlets of his hair that continued to grow as you wilted.

A harder idea to get out of your head was if he was okay, followed by if he ever thought of you at the same time you thought of him. Did he know you wouldn’t have minded resigning to another team? Or that you considered doing it, even now?

Spencer spectated your life, the base of his throat becoming caught when he watched you get worse, speak less, become smaller. You’d shrunken within yourself. Months passed, with him having too many inquiries about you to Morgan, who always gave him a disappointing look, but told him about you each time. That you hadn’t been sleeping, internal clock stuck on keeping you up until the crack of dawn, your mind regressing backwards solely because of him. He gave up on leaving those stupid sticky notes in your books that said “call me!” or even the ones that asked if you were okay, asking if you able to stand on your own.

He watched you so long that he began to see you get better, more social as you expanded, becoming a part of the team again. You were different, but you were you again. It was a bitter pill to swallow when he took heed that your life no longer included him, keeping his lips sealed at any revelation that would show he was still devoted.

So it was dull-witted when he found himself outside the door of your apartment, swaying back and fourth because every night since the last call his world had been spinning faster and faster, trapping him inside as a prisoner. For weeks straight Spencer had awoken with the feeling of bile ready to rise out of his throat, your presence always lacking even if you controlled the beat of his heart.

He knocked. And thought about how angelic you looked when you answered, the confused expression not going unnoticed by him as a celebration sounded somewhere in his mind because you looked as if you weren’t expecting anyone else. And Spencer knows he’d collapse right then and there if you had been.

“I’ve been thinking— it’s not like I can really stop it— for months. It’s been around sixty eight days since we last spoke,” He began, taking you in, enstilling trust in his brain to get a photo of you so well that he could have it forevermore if you didn’t want him anymore. If that had ever been the case he’d leave. He’d leave the state if you asked him to.

“Why are you here?” You only had four words to say out loud, the rest buzzing around in your head safely, unauthorized to rise out of your throat.

“We never really said anything about it but I think we both knew how we felt.” Spencer leans closer just in time for his lips to land beside your ears, lighting a match inside your chest that had stayed extinguished for far too long.

“Speaking was never our strong suit, anyway.” You replied, your lips pursed while your arms took on a defensive stance, pushing him back gently.

You were shipwrecked inside, pushing him back again, this time firmly because you knew you couldn’t stop him from coming closer, even if you wanted to. You were at a standstill as his hands brought yours to his shoulders, drawing circles on your hip with the tips of his fingers. He was in your doorway asking if he was yours, not trying to eloquently wrap you around his finger.

Your limbs acted before your mind did, digits moving across his adam’s apple and holding tight, restricting his airflow like he had done to you so many times while he fucked you into the mattress. You gleamed at him with not much in your eyes, trying to remembering when you had tried to cross the thin line between love and hate for him. Spencer’s eyes were soft and adoring, a look which he had a tendency to give you. So you held tighter. And he did nothing, knowing you wouldn’t go far but willing to die in your hands if you truly wanted to.

“I don’t know if you deserve this anymore,” Your lips ghosted over his, reprimanding him that he’d forgotten that this had began in a game of adultery.

“I don’t.” Spencer’s voice came out as if he was parched and you had been refusing him of a drink. Your hands released his neck and instead grabbed at his jaw, allowing his lips to mend together with yours, unable to speak back.

“If I loved you any less, I’d be able to talk about it more.” He pulled away just enough to whisper those words.

“You love me?” You questioned, a bit timid in the way it came out.

“It’s more than that. I adore you. Worship, even.”

You felt yourself moving the both of you into your apartment, swapping the publicity of the hallway for the privacy closely afforded to you. Your bodies only got so far, pushing each other against the wall next to the enterence, Spencer’s hands helping to arch your body into his, hands pressing down the curve of your back.

You enjoyed feeling him subtly grind his hips against you while he let out little whimpers, remembering the way he was so vocal and sensitive, yet dominant when he laid between your legs. You drew in a quick breath as he bit down on your bottom lip hard enough to draw the red liquid that ran through your body, conflicted as to why it only drew you closer, want intensified.

“I missed you so much,” Spencer’s voice ghosted in the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking along your throat and collarbones, pushing the palm of his hand harshly against your damp cotton underwear, drawing a shiver from you. “Are lilacs still favorite flowers?”

His fingers played along your slit, the pads of his thumb pressing on your clit and rotating above the fabric, watching your hips jerk from the subtle pleasure.

“I think you missed me too,” Spencer held you, switching places so you now were encased between him and the wall, knowing that soon enough your knees wouldn’t be able to hold you up. His index and middle finger filled you up in a way only he could, the tips of them curving in his direction as he hit the bumpy ridge inside of you.

You held his shoulder, uncaring that your nails dug into the expensive button up he wore, admiring that he always preferred quality over quantity. Your face contorted in pleasure as his fingers only pumped faster inside of your vagina, only smirking at the sorry attempt of a nod you gave to answer him because he had rendered you speechless.

You felt the climb of your orgasm rise in your stomach, reaching all the way to the rest of your limbs, making them feel as if they were just static attached to your body until his fingers ceased, sensing how you clenched around them desperately. Your mouth opened, protests ready to fall out while he grasped the back of your knees, signaling you to jump so he could carry you to your bedroom.

“Why are you always such a tease?” You groaned, endearingly grabbing the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I can’t just let your greedy pussy swallow my fingers and cum from just that...” he tosses you into your sheets gently, leaning down to take your top off and throwing it somewhere to be rediscovered again.

He watches silently as you lift your hips off the mattress, panties sliding down your calves to your ankles, and finally off. Spencer gazes down at you, your jaw in his two hands, staring up with puppy eyes. He let a line of swears spring from his mouth, wondering why you looked so innocent when your hands were planted on his hips, licking the precum that made a wet patch on the side of his pants.

“Quite unfair that I’m the only one with my clothes off, don’t you think?” Your hands settled on his belt buckle, the jingle of metal filling the room as you undid the button to his slacks as well. Tugging him by the band of his boxers to lay on the bed with you, Spencer caught the cue and laid against the headboard. He trailed his left hand along your thighs, lifting you to straddle him as his right latched onto your breasts, squeezing.

“Please sit,” He said, taking a nipple into his mouth, “On my face.”

You sat in a slightly worried daze, Spencer catching the clue to just move you into the position. You found yourself facing the mirror at the foot of your bed, your ass in his face as he grabbed at your hips, trying to bring you higher and get a taste.

“Are you sure?” You apprehensively twisted your torso to eye him, taking note that the two of you had came across something you’d quite done before.

“Yes, I need you to.” Spencer reached his arm around, gently rubbing your clit, and feeling how your whole body relaxed from above him, as he repeated affirmations against your back.

You watched from the mirror, your ass propped up in his face and lips swollen. You could even see when you began the swivel of your hips into him. He didn’t need to say much else before you arched your back, planting your pussy right above his lips.

“You’re so pretty.” He whispered, before running his tongue flatly against your pussy.

Your hips jerked back and fourth, riding on the surface of his tongue that enveloped your clit, sucking on it harshly until he flatly ran it up. His fingers were back at work, touching the places where his tongue couldn’t reach. You determined that this position was now one of your favorites, your hands that were once placed on the tops of his thighs reaching for the bludge in his boxers.

You tried pulling them just far enough so you could begin to run your hands up and down his cock. Spencer’s tongue only assaulted your clit harder when you leaned down, allowing him a new angle so you could push him into your mouth, collecting the precum that had spilt, humming in delight.

Spencer couldn’t stop the thrusting of his hips upwards, burying himself deeper down your throat, both of your moans viberating off the atoms in your room. Your eyes wandered up as you watched, hypnotized at the reflection of you two. It made you wanna take his dick deeper, taking him to the back of your throat as you felt his cum ripple out.

Your orgasm only took a few more seconds to follow his, your moan muffled from your jaw expanded around his cock. Your hasty breaths harbored his while you saw stars. You were casted out of your stupor when you felt the palm of his hand rub circles into your ass, hand coming down in a smack.

“This fucking pussy has me whipped.” Spencer sighed, pressing a kiss exactly where his hand last struck.

When you positioned yourself back across his abdomen, you kneeled, kissing him. You felt him twitch under you from tasting himself on your tongue, reaching down to line up his cock to enter you.

Spencer stared up at you, his eyes wide as he took in the sight of you slowly descending your pussy on his cock. His hands traced the hickies that dawned on your chest, then to his on his lower stomach, watching how the two of you connected. These were marks of possession— ones that he could finally show off.

You rolled your hips against his, slowly circling them and allowing him to hit the most sensitive parts of you. You felt so much fuller than usual, the feeling taking your breath away. Nobody else could reach those heights that Spencer gave you. Maybe it was also because nobody else could occupy your mind like he could, either.

He pulled you down so the two of you could reunite your lips, wearing away at the callouses that had formed around your heart. His thumb drew slow circles on your clit, pulling your orgasm out so you could cum above him. It took a few more thrusts before he came inside you, continuing to fuck his seed back into you from below for just a while longer. When Spencer’s hips stilled, he kept inside, basking in the embodiment of you that wholly consumed him.

He silently traced the outlines of your features, your eye lids fluttering as he reached to them. His fingernails scratched your scalp im a rythem that lulled you into hazy exhaustion. You feel his stare on your face as it occurs to him that he was doomed from the start. You were a wonder to behold.

“Spencer?”

“Yes?”

“Did you forget all of the things I remember?”

“I don’t think I could even if I tried.”

masterlist

#spencerscoven #spencer reid #criminal minds fic #spencer reid angst #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #mgg #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid x reader #angst #bau #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfic

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jeonsjiddies · 4 years ago

Text

Certain Things (m) | myg

original photo by snowmari on picsart

summary- you were in love with min yoongi, because he was a good person. You never thought he’d feel the same. F2l

rating- explicit 18+

word count- 5869

pairing- yoongi x reader

genre- fluff, smut

Warnings - oral (male and female receiving), penetrative sex, daddy kink, slight rough sex

Title inspired by Certain Things by James Arthur. <3

You did not fall in love with Min Yoongi because he was the dreamiest man you’d ever laid eyes on.

You did not fall in love with Min Yoongi because he was skilled in just about everything

You did not fall in love with him because of the way his body moved when he danced, almost like telling a story.

It wasn’t the way he remembered your coffee order or the way he stuck his tongue out when he was concentrating. It wasn’t the look of concern in his eyes when you had a rough day. It wasn’t the way he could (almost) always tell what you were thinking.

No.

You fell in love with Min Yoongi because he was a genuinely good person. The kind of person who made you want to be better too.

The way he’d do good things, the way he’d help people, especially when he thought no one was watching. You couldn’t count on all your fingers and toes how many times you’d sat at your window and watched Min Yoongi help an elderly woman carry her groceries up the stairs, or insisted on taking the single mother's trash to the dumpster as she wrangled her child in the other arm. The times he’d fix things the apartment complex neglected to get around to, not even leaving a note. He never asked for any glory.

The only time Yoongi sought out recognition was with his music.. His kind words and actions often went unnoticed or unappreciated by others. Yoongi didn’t mind that no one noticed, except you did. You noticed everything he did.

The day Yoongi moved in next door a year ago, you noticed his minty green hair and his contagious, gummy smile. You’d smiled back and welcomed him to the neighborhood, offering to help if he needed it. Yoongi had politely refused your offer, telling you he did not wish to bother you. Hours later when you showed up with freshly baked cookies, he did not refuse those. That was the beginning of your friendship with Yoongi.

After that, you two were almost inseparable, you were in his apartment or he was in yours. You talked and laughed and watched movies and got to know each other. The few moments you didn’t spend at each other’s side, you found yourself watching Yoongi every chance you got.

Just last week, you had perched yourself at your window and watched with a fond smile as your neighbor and now best friend comforted a little girl who’d approached him with tearful eyes and scuffed up knees.

Yoongi looked around for her mother, the single mom with too much on her plate, and when he didn’t find her he scooped the small girl into his arms, and gently distracted her with stories of a princess he once knew who fell off her bike too. The little girl snuggled into Yoongi’s chest as he walked around looking for her mother, telling her how the princess got a special band aid that made her booboo stop hurting immediately, like magic.

The mother darted over to Yoongi, spewing out apologies and thank you’s. She’d only turned her back for a moment and her toddler had disappeared. Yoongi shook his head, telling her it was nothing to apologize about and that he always enjoyed the young girls company. Min Yoongi was, in your opinion, a literal angel.

You smiled fondly, walking away from the window and stirring the soup you'd begun cooking earlier in the evening. You often shared your food with Yoongi, knowing that if you didn't, the stubborn idiot would exist on nothing but instant noodles and americano coffee. As you stirred the pot, you let your mind drift off with thoughts of Yoongi. He had texted you late the night before while he was struggling to compose lyrics for his new song.

He sent you voice clips of him rapping verses and asked your opinion on lines for the chorus, and you'd helped him get through his little slump until he was so in the zone he forgot to reply. You'd woken up this morning to an apology text and hugged your phone to your chest, reveling in how sweet he was and thinking it was just as good as a good morning text. You knew it was stupid to pretend these interactions with Yoongi were more than friendly, but sometimes you couldnt help yourself from getting lost in the idea of being his.

You wanted so badly to wake up to good morning texts from him. You wanted the hugs to last longer. You wanted him to hold you. You wanted to kiss those shiny, plump lips. Feel those veiny hands on your skin. You wanted to stay with him always, every time you parted from him a part of you seemed to dim. It was as if Yoongi was the sun and you were the moon, his warmth and energy reflected off of you and fueled your own.

Your entire life didn't revolve around Yoongi, not in the least. You had other interests and friends and hobbies. But it seemed like lately, he had wiggled his way into your heart so deeply, like a budding rose, the roots of your love for him were ingrained inside of you. Lately he had taken up more and more room in your heart, occupied more and more of your thoughts. You sighed, shaking off the empty feeling inside your chest and scooped the soup into two bowls.

You made your way over to Yoongi's apartment and balanced the soup so that you could knock. Yoongi opened the door a few moments later, wearing only grey sweatpants. Your mouth went dry and your grip on the soup wobbled as you stared at his exposed chest. Yoongi reached out to steady your hands and took the bowls from you, setting them down on the coffee table by the couch.

''Sorry I just got out of the shower. Let me go put a shirt on.'' Yoongi blushed, scurrying down the hallway and leaving you speechless at the entry.

You collected yourself, slowly shutting the door behind you and grabbing two spoons from his kitchen before sitting down on the sofa. Yoongi reappeared, fully clothed. You weren't sure if you were thankful or disappointed.

''This smells amazing!'' he praised. ''I was just about to make some instant noodles but this is so much better. Thank you!''

''How many times do I have to tell you that you can't survive on instant noodles and coffee?'' you rolled your eyes.

''I don't know how to cook.'' he shrugged.

''I have offered to teach you a million times.'' you threw back at him.

''But if I learned how to cook you wouldn't cook for me anymore.'' he pouted playfully , knocking his shoulder into yours.

''Big baby.'' you muttered, not bothering to hide the smile on your face. ''What would you do without me?''

''Probably die.'' he laughed. ''You're my best friend, I kind of need you.''

''Awww, Yoongi!'' you hugged him.

''Yeah yeah.'' he laughed, wrapping an arm around you in return. ''Just don't go anywhere, okay?''

''I won't, I promise.'' you grinned. ''Who else is going to feed you?''

''My point exactly.'' he winked, spooning more soup into his mouth and closing his eyes happily. “Ugh. Marry me.” He joked.

“You wish.” You laughed, trying to hide the heat rising in your cheeks.

You wished.

You chucked your coat off and threw it haphazardly on the coat rack then flopped onto the couch with a loud groan. You should have called in. You'd woken up late, your alarm didn't go off. You didn't have time to do your makeup if you wanted to shower, which you really needed to. So you'd gone to work looking like a troll, and things only spiraled downhill from there.

Your boss had called you out in front of everyone at the staff meeting for being late to work, using you as an example for the new attendance point system. Snide remarks were tossed your way from various grumpy people which you attempted to take in stride. Then, in the breakroom you'd spilled coffee all down the front of your peach colored dress.

You had texted Yoongi about your less than stellar morning and asked if he was having a better day. He talked you through your meltdown, trying to convince you that the universe wasn't out to get you and the world wasn't cruel and unjust. He'd been the reason you made it through the work day, albeit by the skin of your teeth. Your whole body dragged on the way home and all you wanted was to see Yoongi's smile but he had promised a friend he'd go drinking with them.

You flung yourself off the couch and changed into a baggy t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts. You put on your favorite avocado face mask and relaxed with a lavender candle burning on the coffee table. You'd taken about two deep breaths when you heard soft tapping on your front door. You whined out loud and got up, padding over to the door and flinging it open.

The poor teenager standing at your door jumped in surprise, almost dropping the pizza he was holding. Eyes wide, he stepped back a bit. Your brows furrowed in confusion.

“Sorry. Can I help you?” you asked as sweetly as you could, guilt flooding your chest.

“Large pizza for Y/N Y/L/N? ” he questioned nervously.

“But I didn't order any-” you began to explain before you were cut off.

“Sorry! Sorry I thought I'd be back in time!” Yoongi huffed, jogging up to you and the poor delivery kid.

Yoongi took some cash out of his wallet and paid the young man before thanking him as he took the pizza and turned to you with a smile. He was also holding a white paper sack you couldn't identify and you shot him a quizzical look.

“Hey there Shrek.” he laughed at your bright green face mask which you had honestly forgotten about.

You were thankful it hid your blush as you swatted at his arm in protest.

“I thought you had plans.” you stated, ignoring his comment.

“I cancelled them.” he shrugged, moving past you to enter your apartment and set the pizza down on the coffee table.

“Why?” you asked, shutting the door and following him in.

“Sounded like you needed some cheering up.” Yoongi smiled, opening the paper bag and pulling out your favorite wine.

“Ugh, a man after my own heart.” you joked.

Yoongi just chuckled and uncorked the bottle, walking into your kitchen and pulling two wine glasses from the cabinet like he lived there. He poured you both a glass and sat next to you on the couch.

“I am fully aware that I am going to regret this decision, but I have decided that to cheer you up, we can watch whatever movie you want.” he told you.

Your eyes widened in excitement.

“Any movie I want?” you confirmed, “you won't complain?”

“One time only offer. Whatever movie you want.” he grinned at the childlike response.

“Harvard here we come!” you giggled, snatching up the remote and selecting Legally Blonde.

You glanced over at Yoongi, waiting for a snarky comment. He only gave you a pained smile. You snuggled into the couch with your wine in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other, feeling content and happy. Yoongi had turned the worst day into one of the best, simply by being who he was: kind and thoughtful.

“Thank you, Yoongi.” you said softly.

“No need to thank me. That's what friends are for.” he smiled, throwing an arm around your shoulders and leaning in for a quick squeeze.

Yoongi left his arm around your shoulder while you two watched the movie, and you had never been more comfortable than you were snuggled into Yoongi's side with your wine and pizza and strong leading female character centered movie. With Min Yoongi by your side, maybe the world wasn't so bad after all.

Today was Yoongi’s birthday. He’d gone to lunch with his family the day before and had planned to spend the day with you once he got off work. You looked over at your coffee table, grinning at his gift that you’d wrapped perfectly, even put a pretty bow on top. You’d baked him a cake, which was iced and ready for candles. You opened the drawer, but did not find candles.

Cursing under your breath, you checked the time before rushing out the door and running over to the small shopping center across the street from your apartment complex. You gave a friendly wave to the cashier, a college aged girl who worked there three days a week. You grabbed candles and a lighter then made your way over, making small talk with her and asking about classes.

“Thank god finals are almost over. They’re killing me.” She whined as you swiped your card.

“Hang in there, it’s almost over!” You encouraged her and she groaned but laughed.

You made your way back to your apartment complex, thinking about Yoongi and his face when he inevitably saw what you’d bought him. You didn’t notice the clouds turning an angry gray. You did notice however, when the rain immediately started pelting down, drenching you in seconds. You squealed, holding your shopping bag above your head and jogging towards your apartment.

Suddenly, the rain stopped assaulting you, and you looked up to find Min Yoongi laughing as he held an umbrella over both of your heads. Despite his eyes being the darkest color you’d ever seen, they shone with kindness.

“Yoongi.” You grinned in surprise, “you’re home early!”

“Yeah, they let me go early for my birthday.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

“Well let’s party!” You beamed up at him.

The two of you ascended the staircase and made your way into your apartment. You shrugged off your soaked jacket and hung it up. Yoongi cleared his throat uncomfortably, looking anywhere but at you.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“I-uh... your shirt.” He mumbled, apples of his cheeks dusted with a light pink flush.

You looked down, cheeks burning as you realized your white t shirt was soaked through, revealing your lacy pink bra. You squeaked, arms darting out to cover your chest. You disappeared into your room, embarrassment flooding your face as you changed. Reappearing in front of Yoongi fully covered, you couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay, don’t be embarrassed.” He comforted you with a hand on your shoulder.

The skin there burned. When you didn’t say anything, Yoongi pulled you into a hug, strong arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you into his warm chest. You let the warmth of his embrace comfort you for a moment before pulling away and putting the candles in his cake and lighting them before walking it over to him.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Yoongi! Happy birthday to you!”

Yoongi’s gummy smile graced his lips before he closed his eyes and blew out the candles.

“What did you wish for?” You asked, leaning in and wiggling your eyebrows.

“If I tell you it won’t come true!” He chuckled.

You sighed dramatically with a smile and cut the cake into slices, handing him the biggest one. Yoongi took one bite and threw his head back with a groan.

“This is delicious, Y/N. Thank you so much.” He praised.

Your heart skipped a beat and you grabbed the neatly wrapped present from beside the couch, holding it out to him.

“I told you not to buy me anything.” He glared jokingly at you.

“Just open it.” You giggled.

Yoongi took his time opening the gift, carefully peeling back the paper in an attempt to keep it whole and make less of a mess for you, thoughtful man that he was. He froze when he saw the box.

“You didn’t.” He gasped.

Your giddy laughter was your only response.

“These are... they... theyre too much, Y/N. I can’t accept them.” He sighed regretfully.

“You can and you will. You deserve something special on your special day! It’s about time someone pays you back for everything you do.” You smiled encouragingly.

“The cake was more than enough.” He argued, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the box in his lap.

They were the wireless noise cancelling headphones he’d been drooling over for months, ever since the promo came out on Instagram. He’d been salivating when he showed you the ad for them, and you started picking up a few extra shifts here and there to put back money for them. They were a couple hundred dollars but you would’ve saved up thousands just to see the look that adorned Yoongi’s face in that moment.

“Thank you... so much. I’ll pay you back for these. I’ll take you to dinner. I’ll-“ he began but you cut him off.

“Don’t even think about it. Just take them. If you really wanna pay me back, write me a song.” You grinned.

“I will.” Yoongi promised, engulfing you in a tight hug. “Thank you.” Left his lips in a whisper over and over. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

He pulled back and held you at arms length, eyes trained on your face. His gaze roamed over your features, drinking you in. His eyes searched yours for a moment before his gaze flicked to your lips. You waited with bated breath.

“Y/N?” Yoongi's voice was barely above a whisper.

“Hmm?”

“Can I kiss you?” He questioned quietly, carefully.

“Please.”

His hand came up to gently cup your cheek. He angled his head and closed the distance between you. The moment his lips pressed against yours, it felt like coming home. He held you close, and you’d never felt so safe. Your heart hammered in your chest as your arms wrapped around his neck, fingers gently threading through his hair. Yoongi’s arms found purchase on your hips and he pressed himself closer to you, his tongue sneaking out and gliding along your lips. You parted them, and he deepened the kiss. You weren’t aware that your grip on his hair had tightened until Yoongi pulled back, resting his forehead against your own with labored breathing.

“I’m trying really hard to be respectful and not to push you, but you’re making it kinda hard pulling on my hair like that.” he admitted breathlessly. You could feel the thickness of him pressing into you.

“What if I want you to?” you asked quietly, looking up at him from beneath your lashes.

Yoongi sucked in a surprised breath, his eyes searching yours almost frantically for a sign of doubt. When he found none, he interlaced his fingers into yours.

“Are you sure?” he pondered.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything or anyone.” you admitted, biting down on your lip nervously.

“Is this- Are you- I don’t think I can do this if it’s just a one time thing.” Yoongi sighed remorsefully.

“I don’t want it to be.” you reply, gently running a hand up and down his arm comfortingly. “Yoongi I want you. In every possible way. You’re my best friend. I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for a while.”

“I’m in love with you too.” he whispered, like a secret he’d been dying to tell you. “Be mine?”

“Oh Yoongi baby, I’ve always been yours.” you giggled, pulling him in for a tender kiss.

Yoongi kissed you back, slowly. He took his time, exploring your mouth, relishing in the taste of you. You tasted a bit like the cake you’d both consumed not long ago, but also just distinctively...you. Yoongi loved the way you tasted, and he wondered idly if other areas of your body tasted just as sweet.

Gripping you by the hips, Yoongi pulled you up against him and you wrapped your legs around his torso as he carried you towards your bedroom. Your hands gripped his biceps and he barely had to look where he was going, so familiar with your apartment since he practically lived there. He hoped to become as familiar with your body and how you ticked as he was with everything else about you. You could feel him pressing up against your core as he carried you, the friction causing arousal to pool.

Yoongi placed you on the mattress gently, his body moving to hover over yours. He gazed down at you with longing in his onyx eyes, but it wasn’t just longing. He yearned for you, needed you, you knew this because you felt it too. The way he looked into your eyes mirrored your own expression. You were so desperately in love with Min Yoongi, and by some miracle, he felt the same way.

“I have dreamt about this moment for so long.” he admitted sheepishly, “I almost can’t believe this is real.”

“Me either. I can’t believe you’re here.” you giggled, letting a hand come up to softly caress his face, then push his hair out of his eyes.

“I’m not going to lie, I thought I was going to have to leave when your shirt was wet and I saw your bra. I didn’t want you to see my hard-on.” he laughed.

You covered your face and giggled in embarrassment, but Yoongi’s hands covered yours and pulled them away from your face, holding them on either side of your head.

“Don’t hide from me. Don’t ever hide any part of yourself from me. You are so beautiful, Y/N. I adore everything about you.” Yoongi cooed, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek.

“Did you know…” he ghosted his lips to the other cheek. “That…” his tender assault moved to your forehead as he placed a kiss to it. “I…” his lips brushed the tip of your nose. “love you.” he smiled, kissing your lips.

“I love you too, so much.” you giggled, kissing him back and moving closer to him, his warm embrace cradling you.

Something shifted, and Yoongi’s kisses got deeper, needier. His body lowered to lay flush against yours, but he was careful not to squish you. His erection pressed firmly into your core as he slowly rutted his hips into yours. A quiet moan left your lips at the swivel of his hips against yours and Yoongi’s kisses began to descend, his lips now working against the skin of your neck, sucking and nipping at the flesh.

His fingers crept up to the hem of your dress, and he tugged gently on it. You lifted yourself, tugging it off and tossing it across the room. Yoongi had seen you in bathing suits that had covered the same amount of skin, but this was different and it had heat flooding your cheeks. You took a deep breath and willed all of your courage and unhooked your bra, letting it slip down your shoulders before tossing it aside as well, leaving you only in your panties.

Yoongi’s jaw went slack as he stared at your breasts. You wanted to cover them, wanted to hide, but this was Yoongi. You trusted him with every part of you.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” he stated in awe.

His head dipped down and his mouth wrapped around your nipple, his tongue flicking over the nub. Your back arched and your whimpers got louder when he began to suck. His large hand reached up to knead and tweak the other breast. Your body responded immediately, hips bucking up into Yoongi’s. You gripped his shirt and tugged, mumbling “off.” Yoongi obliged, tearing the fabric off and tossing it away in one fluid motion.

Your mouth watered, eyes roaming his ivory skin, the smooth planes of his flat stomach, poofing out just a little. He was perfect. Yoongi’s cheeks were dusted pink again and you leaned up, placing soft kisses to his tummy. Yoongi wound his hands gently in your hair, watery eyes watching you as you worshipped his body the way he deserved. Your lips ghosted over his chest and you could feel his heart racing beneath your touch.

“You’re so perfect.” you cooed.

Yoongi covered his mouth to stifle a laugh, and you grinned up at him. His hands came down to cup your face gently, and you leaned into his touch before urging him backwards until he was lying on his back. You made quick work of his belt and zipper, pulling his slacks down and tossing them haphazardly away. You watched his face for a reaction, and he bit his lip to conceal a nervous smile. Your heart fluttered in your chest at how adorable he was.

Despite the fondness filling your chest, you couldn’t help but feel warmth farther down when your eyes roamed over the tent in Yoongi’s boxers. You reached out and cupped your hand over his hardened member, palming him over his boxers. Yoongi let out a low groan at your actions, his hand gripping at the duvet cover. You slowly pulled the boxers off his body,

Yoongi’s length sprung free once his boxers were removed and it rested against his stomach, thick, hard, and leaking. You peppered soft kisses along the vein, bringing a groan out of Yoongi. Your tongue snuck out and cautiously slid across the tip of his penis, and his breath stuttered. You smiled to yourself, then took him in your mouth. Yoongi couldn't tear his eyes away from you, mesmerized by the sight of your lips wrapped around his cock. He'd had a million dreams about this very moment, but none of them compared to the way it felt to have his cock in your mouth.

It was almost too much for Yoongi, the way you were bobbing your head along his length, twirling your tongue around, massaging his balls with the perfect amount of pressure. It wasn't all sensual, he could see the adoration in your eyes. It made his heart swell with joy. Other parts of him were swelling as well as he neared his high. His hips involuntarily jerked, apologies tumbling from his reddened lips but you didn't slow down. You wanted to make him feel good, reward him for all the things he did for everyone else.

“Y/N, I..I'm gonna-” Yoongi warned.

You took the opportunity to take him deeper down your throat, swallowing around him. That sent Yoongi over the edge, echoes of your name falling from his lips, his body twitching as he spilled his seed down your throat. Yoongi took a shaky breath and gazed down at you in awe as you licked your lips clean after swallowing his load.

“Your turn.” He smiled, guiding you to lay on your back while he settled himself between your thighs, placing teasing kisses along the skin there.

He pulled your panties down your legs and licked his lips at the sight of your soaking cunt presented to him. Yoongi didn’t waste any time, bringing his lips to your folds and letting his tongue dart out to lick at your clit. You gasped, spreading your legs further apart, inviting him in. He slowly slipped one finger in your heat, working it and curling to hit that sweet spot that had you drooling.

His lips wrapped around your clit and he sucked before using his tongue to attack the sensitive bundle of nerves. You knew Yoongi could move his tongue quickly based on every rap you’d heard him recite and you’d daydreamed about how that would translate to eating you out but his skills surpassed your imagination and he had you close to cumming in under a minute. He slowly worked more fingers in, stretching your tight hole while he seemed to recite spells on your clit with his tongue.

No sooner than Yoongi added a third finger, you were careening off the edge, pleasure washing over you and Yoongi worked you through it, drinking up all of your juices and leaving a soft peck on your clit as you came down, which had your body jolting. He reached down to his jeans and pulled out a condom.

“Are you still sure about this?” He asked tentatively.

“Yes, I’m sure.” You said with absolute certainty.

Yoongi crawled up your body, leaving sweet kisses as he made his way to hover over you until you were face to face. He bit his plush lip, looking into your eyes with so much longing it almost hurt to return his gaze. He reached up to brush a stray lock of hair from your face, leaving his large hands on your cheek, gently rubbing his thumb back and forth. You leaned up and captured his lips with your own, and he melted into the kiss, immediately deepening it. His hands travelled down your neck, his fingertips tenderly brushing against the skin of your arms until he found your hands, resting beside your head. He interlaced your fingers together as he finally, finally entered you.

You gasped into his mouth, squeezing his hand while you focused on the feeling of finally being filled by the man of your dreams. Yoongi felt perfect inside of you, filling you up perfectly as if he was made for you and you were made for him. He stretched you in all the right ways and feeling him pressed up against your walls had your head spinning.

'' You okay?'' Yoongi asked, stilling inside of you.

''Yes.'' you whispered breathlessly. ''You feel so good, Yoongi. Please.''

Yoongi began to slowly move inside you, taking his time and making sure not to hurt you. His hips met yours as he bottomed out and he let out a shaky breath, watching your eyes for any sign of discomfort. You smiled up at him, pecking his lips quickly. Yoongi was amazed at how brightly your eyes shined when you looked at him. His thrusts started picking up pace, your soft noises spurring him on.

The two of you shared sweet kisses as he thrust in and out of your aching heat. Your noises gradually got louder, the faster his thrusts got. The louder you got, the harder it was for Yoongi to keep his composure. While he'd been picking up the pace, he’d remained fairly gentle, but something in him snapped when you groaned his name, sounding particularly needy as you begged ''more.''

His hips snapped into yours in a harsh thrust , knocking the air from your lungs. Gone was the sweet love making from moments ago, instead Yoongi was plowing into you with everything he had within him. Everything he'd held back this past year seemed to be pouring out, driving him to fuck you harder, faster. If you thought Yoongi's slow passionate strokes were maddening, you were absolutely ruined by his relentless, unforgiving thrusts.

Your soft cries of his name were now loud moans, he had you writhing and screaming as he drove you closer to the edge with every brush of your sweet spot.

''Fuck, you take my cock so well baby. I have dreamed about fucking you like this for so long.'' he growled in your ear, leaving hot, wet kisses along the skin below it.

''Me...me too.'' you whined at a particularly good thrust.

''Hmmm, I bet you have.” he smirked, bringing his hand between your bodies to rub lazy circles on your clit.

“Did you touch yourself here?” he asked, applying more pressure to your sensitive bud. “Did you play with this pretty pussy thinking about my cock?”

You nodded, overwhelmed with pleasure while Yoongi played your body like an instrument he'd practiced all his life. He knew exactly where to touch, how to rub, how to bring you to the brink of oblivion with a single stroke of his thumb. He was a damn sex wizard.

“You're cute, baby girl. But I need you to tell me. Tell me how desperate you were to feel me inside you. How you thought of me while you fingered yourself.” Yoongi coaxed, bringing one nipple into his mouth and making it impossible for you to think as his tongue rolled over it.

“Cat got your tongue?” Yoongi purred, licking a bold stripe across your hardened nipple, then the other. “Who makes you feel this good?”

“You.” you moaned, walls clenching around his cock as you got closer to release. This response did not seem to satisfy Yoongi and he shook his head.

“What's my name?” he prodded.

“Yo...Yoongi!” you cried out as he rolled his hips harshly against your own.

“Close... but you can do better, baby girl. ” his words were muffled by the hickeys he was sucking along your skin.

“Fuck… daddy.” you whimpered.

“What was that princess? Louder.” he commanded.

“Daddy!” you groaned.

“Cum for daddy.” Yoongi demanded.

And you did. Your orgasm crashed over you, the most intense you had ever experienced before. You body arched off the bed into Yoongis and you let out the most pornographic sound Yoongi had ever heard. Your vision went spotty and your head felt light and your face contorted in pleasure. The combined feeling of your pussy clenching around him and the sounds you were making threw Yoongi over the edge and he came shortly after you, spurts of hot cum filling the condom. Yoongi didn't think he had ever cum this much in his life. He tied the condom and threw it in your trash can.

His savage streak gone, the energy drained out of Yoongi and he fell beside you panting. You looked over to meet his gaze and you both burst into giggles. His arms came to wrap around you to pull you into his chest. You sighed contently and nuzzled into his warmth. He stroked your hair softly, leaving soft kisses anywhere he could reach. You pressed chaste kisses to the skin of his chest, too exhausted to aim for anywhere else.

“I can't believe it took us this long to get here. We're pathetic.” you giggled.

“Better late than never, I suppose.” he grinned.

“Always a bright side, that's one of the things I love about you.” you admitted with a shy smile.

“Oh?” Yoongi smiled, kissing your blush filled cheeks.

“There's certain things that I adore about you.” you explained. “Like how kind you are, and how determined and focused. How you always treat people with respect. How you scrunch your nose up. God its adorable.”

Yoongi covered his mouth to stifle a laugh, his own cheeks now turning a shade of red.

“I love you too, baby. I love how you take care of me. How your eyes light up when you smile. I love how passionate you are. You’re perfect to me.” Yoongi's voice was low and soft while he confessed.

You hid your face in his chest, willing your racing heart to calm down, but Yoongi always made your heart race, it seemed to beat only for him. Soon, exhaustion got the better of both of you. You drifted to sleep in Yoongi's warm embrace, listening to your favorite sound in the world, his heart. And it beat only for you.

#min yoongi #yoongi #suga #bts #bts smut #smut #agust d #bts suga #friends to lovers #bts au #min yoongi x reader #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #neighbor au #neighbor!yoongi

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angelicmichael · 4 years ago

Note

Oohh, could you do number 10 from the physical affection prompts? "Lifting someone up out of excitement"? Maybe a pregnancy announcement or love confession with whichever Cody guy you feel most inspired by?

A/N: sooo I decided to use duncan for this prompt since I've never written for him before!! Also, I like a challenge so.. I made this both a pregnancy announcement and love confession 👉🏻👈🏻 hope you dont mind!! I hope you enjoy this dear anon 💖. This is a bit long and plot heavy hehe

Waking up to extreme nausea was not how you had originally planned to spend last weekend. What was supposed to be a fun weekend with your friends.. and fuck buddy.. only ended in you becoming best friends with the toilet with one too many plans cancelled.

You hated being sick; but feeling sick and miserable and guilty at the same time was beyond overwhelming. Most of your friends forgave you and understood why you had to reschedule plans. However... your fuck buddy which went by the name 'Duncan' wasnt going to be so forgiving.

Not at first anyway; you knew he would come around eventually.. give or take a few days.

Although, Duncans opinion of you was not the only thing you were stressed out about lately. You also wanted to know why the fuck you got so sick so fast.

It wasnt flu season, you had no reason to be sick, it certainly was not food poisoning... There was only 'one' thing it could still be..

You could be fucking pregnant.

Being pregnant in itself was not something you dreaded; being a mother was something you always knew you wanted to be, and would be one day.

The problem of being pregnant here had to do with 'who' the father would be. And that would be none other than Duncan fucking Shepard.

You knew it was him; you hadn't had sex with anyone in months besides him. Plus.. you two weren't exactly the most careful either when it came to using protection. You knew deep down if you were really pregnant at all; it would have to be with his baby.

Although, things still werent as simple as they seem.

Again, you really had no doubt that Duncan would make a good father, it was just the circumstances you two were in currently that complicated things.

He didnt know you loved him. You two weren't official, you two just happened to be really good friends who, you know.. had sex.

You were nearly certain he didnt love you back, not in the way that you meant anyway. You knew instinctively that when he said 'I love you' to you that he meant it in a way that he would say to his friend or family.. That's probably all he saw you as anyway, just as a friend or family.

That thought made you sick if you started to think that's how you can duncan could end up forever unless you or him made a move. It was a thought that frequently plagued you and even gave you insomnia most nights.

Those thoughts of you and Duncans 'relationship' are what caused you to get a pregnancy test. You needed to know why the fuck you were sick, and if those thoughts about you and Duncan were rational or simply your anxiety attempting to manifest. And of course to your fucking demise, it was a positive test.

You first sat in shock; and then you did the most stupid thing you could think of - you called Duncan.

Of course you didnt outright tell him, you only told him that you needed to see him ASAP and that he needed to come over to see you.

That was about 20 minutes ago.

You awaited for him anxiously in your apartment; you sat on your bed - fully clothed with a bit of makeup splashed on your face in a attempt to look put together. You were absolutely terrified to even think about what the fuck was about to happen.

Your thoughts were racing as you sat in the dark. You didnt even bother turning on the lights; the blinds were drawn as well. Sitting in the dark was kind of comforting - it made everything feel less real.. As if you were dreaming. Although, the anxiety you still felt reminded you that you were in fact, still awake. You truly had no clue what kind of conversation you were about to have.

You didnt even jump when you heard the front door loudly pop open, you had given him one of the keys to your apartment. You listened diligently to his loud footsteps echoing in the living room, as he gradually grew closer and closer to your room. Then, the door opened as you inhaled.

Duncan looked distraught as he entered the room. His hair was slightly disheveled, his outfit looked slightly wrinkled as well. Overall, he looked put together but the longer you stared at him - the more apparent it was that he wasnt okay. He wasted no time in getting to you once he opened the door, it almost threw you off guard at how calm he looked.. something you weren't expecting. You nearly laughed at how out of character this was for Duncan.

"Hey, are you okay"? Duncan asked, speaking rather quickly.

You watched as Duncan hurriedly but cautiously approached you; sitting next to you on your bed.

"I- I mean, yeah I'm okay. I just wanted to see you". You (semi) smoothly lied, thinly smiling in a attempt to try to sell your poorly told lie.

He rolled his eyes and gave you a look as if he automatically knew you were giving him bullshit.

"(Y/n), I know your sick, baby. Just tell me the truth". He said.

Your heart leapt into your throat once you heard him call you the petname. Duncan definetly called you pet names before but it was a rare, once in a long time type of thing. However, it felt like to you that the fact he called you 'baby' only solidified what you knew you had to do.

You had to tell him.

He deserved to know; and you deserved to move on with your life or to attempt too.

"Duncan.. I.. I cant keep doing this anymore". You started, speaking slowly. Your words tumbled fast out of your mouth, knowing that Duncan was about to interrupt you any minute.

"I need you to decide whether you want to be fully committed to me, or to not be in my life at all. I dont really know how to say this but, I'm in a stage of my life where I cant 'fake' be with you, Duncan. I cant only be with you behind closed doors. That's just.. not going to work anymore". You said confidently.

Even though you sounded confident, you really felt quite the opposite. You had no idea what to expect of how he would react. What if he just left?? What if he didnt want to be with you, at all??

You held your breath as he continued to sit next to you; the silence almost deafening.

You looked over at Duncan, he studied his hands which were clasped together over his knees. He looked as if he wanted to speak but he couldnt get the words out... until he finally did break the silence.

"So, what are you suggesting? What are you trying to get at here, exactly"? He prompted. His voice was still slow and calm but he sounded slightly irritated and on edge. You couldnt blame him.

Your mouth grew dry as you shifted uncomfortably. You were thankful he responded but yet.. you now were the one at a loss for words.

"I'm suggesting that.. we should start dating. I cant keep doing this-" You started but Duncan made you ate your words as he interrupted you with a rough kiss.

You felt the world stop and almost turn into slow motion as you really started to melt into the kiss. You let your previous anxiety inducing thoughts melt away the longer you two kissed, as you focused on being present in the moment.

After Duncan slowly and begrudgingly pulled away from you, you two sat in silence for a couple seconds.

"So that's why your acting like this"? Duncan asked with a sly smirk.

You swore it was as if he already knew the answer, yet chose to ask you anyway just to be a smartass.

"So.. you actually want to date me?? Your know what your agreeing too, right"? You said, partially teasing and.. actually being serious.

"(Y/n), do you really think I would be talking to you this long if I had no interest in you? Of course I want to date you, what kind of question is that"?! Duncan retorted playfully with a quiet chuckle.

You grinned, letting out a shallow laugh with the realization that the biggest news still remained untold; a deep pit felt like it resided in your stomach.

You weren't quite out of the woods yet.

In order to help relieve your anxiety, you suddenly stood up off your bed. You paced around your room, running a hand shakily through your hair.

"I still have to tell you something". You admitted, your back turned to him.

There was no way you could even fathom making eye contact with him now. To your horror, you could hear your bed gently squeak as you could only guess as he stood up.

By the time you felt his hand on your shoulder, it was too late to even hear his footsteps. You jumped and turned around with a sharp inhale - to your surprise, nearly chest to chest with the main himself.

Duncan.

"What are you trying to hide for, hm"? He said teasingly.

He moved his face closer to yours; his lips *so* close to yours. The corner of your mouth upturned in a small closed mouth smile.

You uttered a quick, "I'm not". As you stole a quick kiss.

You anxiously took a few paces back. Taking a deep breath before whipping around and making eye contact on a sudden spurt of courage you felt.

"I'm pregnant, Duncan". You spoke.

You felt almost as if you were dreaming when you saw his reaction, he was fucking smiling. Was he actually fucking happy?!

You stood there frozen as he quickly approached you and gently held your waist. Before you could even comprehend or really even complain of what was happening - you felt him gently lift you up and give you a quick spin before landing you back down safely on your feet.

Duncans smile was infectious; before you knew it you were grinning and laughing along with him.

Any doubt you previously had immeadietly disintigrated and was replaced with hope and joy. You knew Duncan was going to make the best father, and that you two only had your lives ahead of you.

Taglist: @mina672 @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakewaterxx @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon @beyond-repentance

#i hope i wrote duncan in character 😭#also let me know if u wanna be on the taglist!!#i wrote this about a week ago.. in the span of like 2 days lmao #ive litealy never wrote that fast EVER haha #also a fun fact: i 'probably' had covid when i wrote this dhdhd so.. if things dont make sense im blaming it on covid brain #duncan x reader #duncan shepherd x reader #hoc #house of cards #fanfiction #duncan shepherd #my fic #my works

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obkkfkr · 3 years ago

Text

I have so many ideas for AUs I can post here

like now time to introduce Trash King Obito and his sex android Kakashi, aka. my attempt at a cyberpunk AU (non-con warning but not between obkk, Kakashi had a very rough life and yes its angsty)

Obito was a poor kid who didnt have much luck in life and had to often find scraps in garbage to eat, he got beaten up a few times and had fewer and fewer places he could go to

Eventually, he started going to the junkyard, where madara lived. Madara was an old grumpy guy who at first yelled at Obito, seeing some kid go through the trash but eventually let him stay. Obito started assisting Madara, sorting the garbage and finding some more precious parts that could be sold or used again

One day Obito got into an accident and lost an arm and an eye, he fell onto some sharp parts

But Madara knew more or less about implanting cybernetic parts and saved Obito by giving him an artificial arm, but didnt have any eyes so for a long time Obito just had one eye

Eventually Madara died and Obito stayed living alone on the junkyard, but he got into tinkering with putting the parts together, he'd always use the best parts to improve his arm and eventually found a purple eye to fill in

Madara had a crappy android put together from the scraps (yes zetsu hehe) and Obito often used Zetsu as his model to build better ones but it took him years t o get most necessary parts

He'd often fix smaller things and improved his little house uwu and sometimes people came to him and he'd help them out

(Okay enough backstory time for the obkk)

Obito would always salvage the best parts as soon as new trucks would unload more trash, and one day he found an android. It wasn't even powered off, just staring blankly at him and had a few missing or broken parts

But Obito was mesmerised how pretty it was made. He picked it up and normally would throw it onto the barrow with the rest of the parts but decided to carry it home instead

The android only sighed tiredly but didnt struggle

Obito murmured who would throw out a working android instead of fixing it and the android replied "They broke me on purpose. Got done with me."

"Hold on, I think I had the right parts, I'll fix you up"

"I have just one purpose, shouldn't you know if I'm worth fixing first?"

"You can introduce yourself as I fix you, then"

"I'm Kakashi. I guess last name won't matter anymore."

Kakashi watches Obito for a while and asks "What about you? You just have an artificial arm, the rest is human, right?"

"I'm Obito Uchiha. Hey, you were even given a last name? Based on the company that made you?"

Obito's surprised because he thinks Kakashi was a really well made android and he's even more baffled he was thrown out

"No, an actual last name. You won't find a company named Hatake making androids."

"So what's with your single purpose, then?"

"Sex."

Obito makes a startled noise and looks at Kakashi with wide eyes

"What"

"You heard me. I'm a sex android."

Obito continues fixing, now with a slight blush on his face and Kakashi chuckles

"Told you you should think whether I'm worth it"

"Hey, maybe I'm lonely. Girls don't like someone with the nickname King of Trash, you know? And I ain't putting my dick anywhere near Zetsu no matter how desperate I am"

"Zetsu?"

"An old crappy android."

"Well, Obito. Aren't you lucky then."

Though Kakashi has an disinterested tone all the time so he sounds sarcastic and Obito raises an eyebrow

They continue talking and Kakashi mentions his 'work' parts are surprisingly undamaged

"Guess even when they were throwing me out they still hesitated whether to fuck me one last time or not"

"How long did you even work for?"

"Hm... A year?"

"WhO THROWS A WORKING, HIGH QUALITY ANDROID AFTER A YEAR OUT"

"Chill, I told you they were the ones who broke me too"

"Yeah, why?!"

"I can tell you later. Now, you said you were lonely?"

Obito says he's fixed everything but he's not sure

and Kakashi grins "Well then time for a test run, right?"

They end up fucking hehe and Obito realises this feels so damn good

And despite the fact he's never really had a lot of sex before, fucking Kakashi feels... real

The way he moans and gasps and thrashes in bed, it's like he's a human, and after sex Obito keeps wondering who would put this much effort into a sex android

Most he's seen are just like living sex dolls, moaning and doing hardly any movement, maybe only shaking their ass and bouncing on your dick

Obito keeps Kakashi and Kakashi is so pretty that Obito even tells him not to help him at work too much, joking Kakashi might get hurt

They fuck every night and Obito finds Kakashi cute and pretty and before he realises it he enjoys Kakashi's presence a lot

One day Obito chuckles he could sell Kakashi for a few thousands since he's practically as good as new and he's so damn good but then sees Kakashi frown and his eyes look upset and Obito gets flustered and says it's just a joke

"No, it's fine... No offense taken. Androids are just... toys, I know"

Obito feels stupid for saying that and asks Kakashi finally

"I have to know... Why do you... Uh... Why are you so..."

"real?"

"Y-yeah"

"It's okay, I know. You have no idea how many times I was compared to other sex androids. How they showed off how much they can make me mewl from fingering alone when other androids would hardly react"

"I-I just can't understand why they'd throw you out if they've put so much effort into making you."

"They didn't really put much effort, you know?"

"But the coding-"

"What coding. There was no need for complicated coding. Just making sure I'd be horny all the time and wouldn't cry and say no."

"... what?"

"Well, you probably haven't come across something like me yet. To be honest, I didn't either until I got into trouble"

Kakashi sighs and tells Kakashi his story finally

"I feel real because I am real. I told you, I have a last name. Because I am Kakashi Hatake. If you look me up, you'll find some shit out probably. "

"Real. As in... You were- are a human? But-"

"I have an android body? I know, shocking. According to the official info, I even have a date of death. I couldn't pay off my dad's debts so some bad people with too much money on their hands decided to make me pay off in a different way"

"W-why make you an android"

"I told you. Humans can get broken too quickly, they cry and scream they don't want it, keep saying no and begging for mercy... And most importantly, they're not always in the mood"

Obito feels sick hearing it and starts apologising to Kakashi, that he shouldn't have just fucked him, he probably didn't want it, etc etc

But Kakashi smiles and cups Obito's cheeks "I told you to. You didn't tell me anything."

"But you just said, they forced you to always want-"

"I don't jump at people wanting to be fucked, Obito. Most of the time it's just a passive feeling that if someone grabbed and fucked me, I'd be okay with it"

"But when I tell someone I want it, I want it."

Obito looks confused and Kakashi giggles

"Obito, you're the first person to ever show concern for me"

"You didn't just think I'm a junk, you princess carried me to fix me"

"Well I... uh... You were still working and you were so..."

"Pretty, I know"

They end up kissing and hugging

And Kakashi whispers "So please, don't sell me. I want to be with you"

"I wouldn't dream of it. I want you too"

Some extras:

Kakashi can be powered off, he can have a few things programmed like how long he should be on standby, imitating sleep

They didnt power him off because they just saw kakashi as nothing more than trash. They used him for a year and got bored

Kakashi used to live in constant fear once his dad died and the debt collectors chased him. He couldnt get enough money to pay it off and they finally decided to make him their bitch

So Kakashi hasn't seen any kindness in years. Plus Obito looked hot. So for the first time Kakashi saw someone he wanted to have sex with

Normally he'd probably say thanks and offer to help at work but since he was made to be a sex android he couldnt think of other ways to show gratefulness

#text #ideas

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camelely · 4 years ago

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13rw S4 Fix

So i did one of these for last season and I think now that I’ve had some time to think about S4 I’ll do the same. While last season I thought the issue was one character being overused. But here it seems like there were multiple smaller things that could have improved the whole season Again I’m keeping the same basic plotline and characters :)

1) Winston

Have Winston stay at Hillcrest. Him moving to Liberty did nothing for the main plot and he was basically a red herring through most of it. Let him try are befriend the characters from the outside. He can learn about Jess from Bryce’s trial and the news coverage and then try to befriend her at Monet’s. This is where he meets and later starts to date Alex. Since he doesn’t go to liberty school Alex sees him as a sort of escape and lets him in. Clay and Ani dont tell everyone about him because they dont know he is trying to get close to them. It makes them seem less like assholes and more like people. They don’t mention his connection to Monty because they dont realize how close he is getting to answers. Clay can still suspect he did the graffiti, after all it was a break in and a non student could have done that. Plus Estella is another red herring in the school. She serves that purpose so let Winston be the outsider looking in. His arc would still be about knowing a different Monty and not knowing who is was at Liberty but now he is literally the outsider who didn’t really get Monty, rather than it just being a figurative thing at the prom. You can still have the prom scene it would just be entirely imagined rather than the half imagined thing they went with. I think they overused the people talking to ghosts thing so here it would be a fantasy of Monty and the relationship they had rather then a representation of what could have been. However I don’t think this would have retracted from the point. Also play him up, he is a sympathetic antagonist and it sucks how much he is sidelined for Diego. I didn’t hate Diego but Winston and him basically went through the same arc. They were pro Monty and ending up dating a member of the group, couldnt believe that member was involved and then learned something about Bryce and Monty agreed to move on and just did. All while saying they will alway care for that member of the group. It was an unnecessary rehash. Having WInston be the outsider looking in and Diego the insider looking out also lets their characters compliment each other. They should still work together, just have Winston contact him looking for Monty’s friends. It’s simple.

2) Tyler and Tony

Oh Tyler. The character who seems to be in the middle of everything despite never doing anything himself. I didn’t mind his arc of helping the cops find the guys who sold the illegal guns. But Tony’s suspicions, eventually leading to Clay and Tony finding out the truth and just moving on never really go anywhere. I think it would be cool if Tyler tells Tony, despite the cops telling him not to tell anyone, because he trusts Tony. But Tony, who has had bad run ins with the cops, thinks it is a bad idea. He doesn’t want Tyler taking the deal. Tyler says its the only way the guns wont be traced back to them but Tony thinks teh cops are planning to double cross them to mind out more about Bryce and Monty. At the same time he starts getting close to that cop that takes him boxing and helps him get into college (i dont remember his name for the life of me lol). Tyler sees this as being hypocritical and pulls away. Tony still suspects Tyler is behind the lock down because he is pulling away and Tony is getting paranoid. The rest of their story can still be the same but this way they can show Tony’s paranoia and his loyalty.

As for Tyler and Estella, It was fine. The scene of them in the bathroom was really powerful, being in the bathroom with a de la cruz and becoming comfortable because isnt her brother was really nice. This could even be another reason Tony and Tyler fight. Tony can be paranoid that Tyler is trusting her too quickly and think she will turn on him.

3) Jess

Her arc with the principal, being scared and agreeing with the security measures before she sees them in action was really interesting. Focus more on it and less on her manipulating Diego. I did like parts of that arc for her so I don’t want it completely gone but I do think focusing on her working with the principal would have been cool. I would call more attention to her first meeting and her agreeing with the measures and slowly show her change her mind and start to turn against them. Maybe even have an early scene of her and ANi talking about it and have Jess admit she feels safer. Move the creepy cop trying to pat her down to the second or third day. So she can have a moment where they make her feel safe before the negative experience. I loved the protest and a bit better build up would have made it amazing

Her arc with Ani. They fought over Bryce... It should have been a conversation. Not a moment where Ani judges Diego and then they argue. I still think this arc should have been Chloe and Jess and should have been in last season. But they had the opportunity to include Chloe this season and just didnt. I’ll talk about this a bit more in the Zach section but I think Chloe should have been at Prom and the moment between the Ani Jess and Chloe should have been then. It would be right after Jess and Ani made up and would have been cool.

I don’t think she should have had scenes where she saw and talked to Bryce. Yes it created some powerful moments but they could be reworked. Have WInston use his wealth to commission a positive thing in the paper about Bryce and Monty and have her talk to his idealized photo of Bryce. I will mention it in the Clay section but her hallucinations detracted from his journey with mental health.

4) Clay

Okay two thing here the first is his arc with mental health, hallucinations, and blackouts. They used it for drama and I wish they hadnt. It should have been about him healing. I didnt mind the way they handled the realization for clay that it was him doing everything (Did they explain the symbol he kept drawing because I missed it if they did? or i just forgot because it was that forgettable lol) but I think the whole thing could have been handled a lot better and a more educated fan then I can provide a better explanation for what exactly was off about it. I will say the the therapy sessions were repetitive and I know thats realistic but for a tv show its boring. The scene were Clay goes to his home was weird and low key scary. I understand the purpose but I wish he had called him and asked to meet at his office instead. A more likable and relatable journey for Clay with his mental health would be really good for a show that was accused of glorying suicide (personally i dont think it did. My inbox is open if you wanna talk though :))

The second thing is the phantom phone caller. I hate this trope so it might just be me but this is so stale. There are exactly two ways it could go. The person could know everything and be a real problem or the person could be fishing for information and not be a real problem. The whole thing was predicable since Winston had red herring written all over him, Estella was barely developed, and on this show it is always the football guys. Instead let the pranks be smaller and less crazy. Like these boys had to coordinate a lot to mess with Clay. There should be more than one prank and end with a Monty doll and Clay holding a knife to set up the camp episode. But they should be pranks, not the phantom caller psychological torture bs. The blood shower can also happen just on a different day. Clay can be confused about what is real and what isnt making him even more worried about his blackouts and again assuming the mental health arc is handled well, the pranks can be a real part of it. Dumping him in the pit on the camping trip also seemed kinda attempted murdery so maybe do something like tie him to a tree of the path or in a small dirt ditch not a rocky pit where if he hit his head or fell weird the team would all be murderers.

5) Alex

His arc with Charlie was one of my favorite stories this season. I was also not bothered by him getting close to and exploring his sexuality with Winston and Zach. I’m in the minority but I’m glad Zalex wasn’t made canon and Zach was used to be an effective (kinda) ally and good friend. Plus this way Zalex can live on in the fandom untouched or ruined by the writers interpretation.

They should have given us Alex in therapy. He tried to kill himself had a traumatic injury, an arc with steroid abuse, and an arc about killing someone. All of which were forgotten this season. All the other characters seemed to be dealing with Bryce and Monty, why not focus on Alex? Even if it isnt in therapy just let him exist in his feelings.

6) Zach

I have one major issue with Zach’s arc, the lack of Chloe. She was the reason he almost killed a man. Let them date, let him start to spiral while dating her. She doesnt know what he did. Have them grow apart on screen but her still connecting to him and not wanting to give up on him. They should go to prom together. I know the hooker was supposed to represent Zach turning into Bryce with the hookers and the drunken sex/potential rape and cocaine. But Chloe fills the same comparison. He brings cocaine she is not okay with it, He tries to convince her to have sex in the back she is not having it. Maybe he tries to convince maybe it becomes a bit worse than that but she breaks up with him at prom and leaves early. She sees Bryce in him, she doesnt have to say it but you can see it on her face and she walks away when her mind and heart tells her to this time no making excuses. Boom Chloe actually has an arc. As for Zach this is a big wake up call for him he sees what we had become. I know it is later in the actual show but I think it should be in the prom episode so he can have a better conclusion in the finale, like the other characters. The whole season was a downward spiral and I wish we got to see more of him pulling himself out of it. If the whole finale is him getting better even though he wont be all the way done he will be in a better place up the end.

7) Justin

Okay the hard one. I think the writers really wanted to kill him. I mean a fan favorite, who did bad things, and the death would be in the series finale. this is a tv writer’s drug of choice. So I’m gonna do a fix where I still kill him first then to the ideal version. Ok so first Justin dies. No HIV/AIDS. It was out of nowhere, unneeded, and seemed a bit insensitive. If you want it to be related to his drug use, make it so he got a bad batch when he relapsed. Or maybe organ failure. If it doens’t need to be drug related it can be an accident or someone he knew on the streets getting revenge, like that drug dealer we spent time with last season. Or if Justin helps Tyler put the gun salesmen behind bars then have it be retaliation for that. He can still go to the hospital and have goodbyes but it wont be an aids diagnosis and death in the same episode. I know they had signs in earlier episodes but the timeline is still really fucked up...

An ideal ending would have him live. He can still pass out at Prom. The diagnosis can be a combination of stress and withdrawal symptoms.He can be the red herring for the person in the coffin. If Justin lives he can represent hope. He can show the audience that you can get better and things can work out. Even if you are sick and think you will die you can do better be better and live in a better world. Plus I love him and really wanted him to be happy. The message would be you can get out of a bad situation and wold have ended a sad series on a positive note. Even if you are a bad person. Even if you have bad circumstance. Even if it feels like the world is against you, it can get better if you put in the effort. Which felt like the message the show was going for in eariler seasons by showing the people on the tapes doing better but abandoned this last season.

So who would I put in the coffin. Ani’s mom. Now I know she wasn’t a well liked character and her mom wouldn’t have the same audience or character reaction Justin’s death did. But this version isn’t about making the audience sad. Ani would finally have a plot that was really about her, her mom died, Bryce’s mom basically wants to provide for her. And she isn’t sure what to do. Justins funeral felt like it was overshadowed by graduation anyway. Now Ani’s moms absence and the funeral being overshadowed both make sense. She is going to college and doing what she can to honor her mom. And the death of a parent causes Clay to immediately appreciate his own family more. The theme in the first season with Clay was appreciating and acting on his feelings for Hannah before she was gone. Ani’s mom dying is a reality check for him and he know the most important things are his family and friends. Justin’s arc was about finding a family and he did. The core of the show is about family, friends, and the importance of a strong support system. And starting it with a mother grieving her daughter and ending it with a daughter grieving her mother would be a cool full circle moment.

This post is really long so if you read all the way down Thank you! :)

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checkerflats · 4 years ago

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Haven't been on tumblr in a long time. Felt like this was a decent place to write since nobody I know really uses tumblr anymore. I wanted to talk about my journey over the last few years and tumblr feels private enough a place to do so.

I moved to Florida 3 years ago (well as of this upcoming March) and at first life was decent. I tried to acclimate myself, stay healthy, positive, supportive, etc. At some point during that first year, I became incredibly depressed, nervous, anxious, overwhelmed trying to support myself (I did have a good friend group to help me) but down the line I had convinced myself I had a plan and that it was 'my plan, I thought of it' so instead of talking to the people I cared about and loved, I continued to try to do things in my own way.

A belief is a thought you have that you like. My belief was that I was the only one who could tell me what to do. And I never told myself to shut up and listen to people; realize they're saying what they're saying because they care. I became toxically selfish. I started judging my friends and peers opinions, being an asshole, being inconsiderate to everyone around me, unwilling to talk about my issues (and if I did I sounded like a narcissistic twat), etc.

To make a long story short, I resulted to drinking to cope with my overwhelmed thoughts and feelings. This isnt an excuse. It's just what happened. It in no way makes my behavior acceptable. In fact, anyone who knows me and how I act when drinking changes my thinking patterns would attest that it's only ever made anything worse. Even days or weeks without doing so, it affects me on such a negative level that negativity is the only lense through which I view the world and its inhabitants. I become the definition of nihilistic.

This led me to losing my friends, my loved ones, my job, housing, and ultimately respect from others and respect for myself. It was devastating and I did it to myself. After July of 2019 I started to refrain from drinking and honestly believed I had become the best version of myself. I got a new apartment, job, new friends who have still supported me to this day, albeit, upon making these leisurely friends who wanted to be wild, I felt I should--I wanted to participate. It was fun for a minute, and I was sober for about a month or two..

I'd begun to drink with them every now and then, never alone or at home, never two days in a row. I thought I could be a casual drinker. However, these friends and I stopped drinking for the most part, and begun to do a lot of acid (one thing I wouldn't say is neccesarily bad or addictive, in moderation) and a LOT of xanax. I started to learn a whole new meaning of 'fucked up' and went downhill faster than Jack and Jill could even imagine, baby!

By December, a friend and I decided we'd start doing cocaine. Fuck it, right? That got bad quick. It only lasted about 2 months on and off until we realized how crazy it was and that we needed to actually save our money (and sanity) so we stopped. By this point (March/April of 2020) I'd stopped doing everything other than weed. That inevitably led me straight back to drinking. This time it was everyday again, alone, at home, you get the point. When coronavirus hit I lost my job, couldn't find another anywhere therefore couldnt afford rent, was constantly in scary situations for 2 months (drunk), and decided it was best to GTFO and high tail it back to Ohio by May of 2020.

This took me months to realize, but I had so subtly slipped back into mass depression. Being back in Ohio, around triggers and friends who'd grown apart from me, I felt helpless and alone. I began drinking all the time. When I'd wake up, all throughout my shifts at work, at 2 am once the beers I'd had after work were buzzing off.. I was having the worst thoughts and feelings possible that I won't elaborate on because, again, I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses or even manipulating the perception of whoever might read this. I did this to myself. My behavior was absolutley unacceptable. I'd been put on probation for drinking, I'd been arrested for it even once in my own bed sound asleep (lets not go into how corrupt the law enforcement is in Mansfield, OH). The point is I'd broken the law and, regardless of the circumstances, the law is the law and it comes with consequences.

By October of 2020 I'd agreed that the best case of action was to go to a treatment center for addiction. The center was more or less a joke at first until a counselor committed to actually helping us started working there in mid-November. All in all being sober long enough to get back to a focused, rational, kind state of mind has put me in a euphoric state of content more so than any materialistic or temporary feeling that a substance or whatever else could bring me. Real peace is better than fake, self-driven delusion. I got released from the center today (1/13/21).

What I'm trying to get across is that if it wasnt for those who care for me after all the shit I've put them through, if I hadn't accepted I had a problem and my plan wasnt working, I'd still be that other guy. If you give up your ideals and listen to a 'Higher Power', (a 'God', a group of people as in power in numbers, a spiritual intuition that things happen for a reason and you agree you alone can't solve issues the same way you've tried 1000 times over and failed) whatever your view on that is, if you are willing to change and accept support you will be able to find genuine serenity.

That other guy is still in there. I have to continue working my program daily and catch myself if I slip up, be prepared to tell others, make amends (unless that would make things worse) and by all means listen to their advice in order to turn 4 months of sobriety (even from weed, but this is mostly about drinking) into 4 years, and so on. If you read all this (well first off, thank you, like.. golly!) and you are someone who knows me, then I'm sure that's hard to believe because everyone who knows me has heard me say before that 'I am quitting alcohol!' when in all honestly all those same people probably knew damn well I was just trying to convince them rather than myself and even if I did want to stop, I still had a desire to do it. That's where I can finally cut ties and announce that I, personally to myself, no longer have the desire for alcohol. Today. Right now. One day at a time. I despise it. It took my ambitions and spat them in my face along with my kindness, positivity, all my goals and loved ones like they all meant nothing and I am sick and tired of enabling that feeling. The world we live in is full addiction. Eating, technology, fame, money, power, caffeine, nicotone, sugar, sex, drugs, rock and roll--you get it okay? None of those will bring anything of substantial value or genuine joy. Being selfish will bring nothing but suffering. Be kind and loving. Love is salvation.

Once more, if you read all this, you're a saint and I thank you and hope your life, if not already, becomes (and continues to be) positive, peaceful and great. Love yourself, the best and worst. Face fear head on and never give up. Always lend a hand to those who clearly need it and if they turn it away like I did so many times, all you can do is hope and pray they'll get to the point of acceptance someday. I am so grateful for the oppurtunity I had to turn my life around. I am thankful for every single person who's come and gone and the help they offered before and after I actually admitted it was neccessary. I'll try and be of service to others when and where I can. Stay safe, world.

-cone

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strongsassysexysloane · 5 years ago

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I Should Hate You

I was in a mood. Feelings come out and this was the result. . . . . . . .

"That was a mistake." As soon as the words left Jack's mouth, she instantly saw the dagger leave her lips and stab you in the chest. She couldn't do this. It was too easy and that scared the hell out of her. The last time she fell this hard for someone her heart got ripped out and stomped on and she wasn't going to go through that again. She'd built this life, this wall and she couldn't let anyone in but you'd managed to slide in between the cracks with your sweet smile, flushed cheeks and soft touches.

"If that's how you feel." You whispered, you wanted to bury yourself under ten blankets, hell, one hundred blankets wouldn't even help at this point. She was lying naked in your bed, breathing deeply, it had only been minutes from the most amazing sex you'd ever had. It wasn't even the high of the orgasm that had you feeling so blissful, it was the connection, the emotion you both shared, you connected so deeply at least that's what you thought.

. . . . . Hours Earlier . . . . .

The night had started out like any other Friday night after you'd wrapped up the current case and went out for drinks with the team. Jack had walked in at the perfect moment as she usually did and you couldnt help but ask her, almost beg her, to come along as she was clearly not in the mood for drinks. She'd been busy all week, dealing with several different investigations plus helping Vance with the quarterly evals had her swamped. She had mentioned earlier in the day when you caught a moment with her, in her office, that she had a bottle of Shiraz waiting at home with a nice hot bath that her name written all over it. But she couldn't resist your puppy dog eyes and she stated that, out loud, which gave you an extra pep in your step when you left the office. She'd called you out on it, so had Ellie but you didn't care. It worked.

Gibbs left after one drink, claiming his boat had been neglected enough this week and none of you challenged him. McGee joined him, saying he wanted to spend time with his family and there was no arguing with that. After they left the drinks kept coming and the laughter, flirts and long glances became more and more obvious between you and Jack. Once Jack left to buy another round of whatever you were drinking, you'd lost track at this point, Ellie and Nick couldn't help but state the obvious.

"You two are totally into each other!" Nick bounced in his seat, he was too preoccupied with whatever was on his plate this week to notice that your flirts with Jack had been very obvious. Even Ellie told you on Wednesday night that Gibbs was starting to notice but something had changed in your attitude to not care. If he had an issue with it, he'd tell you or just glare at you. Either or you didn't mind. You really liked Jack and she seemed to like you too.

You watched Jack at the bar chatting with the bartender before you turned back to reply to Nick's comment and look at Ellie's smirk. "Think the alcohol is helping a lot." You shrug and watch as Jack walks back to the table. She was sitting on the opposite side of the booth, beside Ellie, before she left but now, she slipped in next to you which the close contact caused you to clear your throat. She handed you your drink with a smirk. "Perfect." You hummed; your eyes heavy from the alcohol but looked at Jack while you took a long swallow of your beverage. Her eyes didn't leave yours; she even had the audacity to flick her tongue out and dampen her lips while looking you directly in the eye.

"Well, I don't know about you Nick but I think this'll be my last drink. We have goat yoga in the morning. You can't get out of it this time!" Your eyes left Jack's once you placed the glass back on the table and watched as Nick was contemplating arguing with his partner but you could see he was beyond tired and couldn't argue even if he wanted to.

"Fine.” He took a large sip, emptying half of his drink in the process. "We really need to find a more enjoyable thing to do on a weekend." He saw everyone's eyebrows raise at his statement and you could see the regret and laughter in his eyes.

"I go to a kick boxing class whenever I have a Saturday free and can be motivated to get up early enough. It's actually quite close to your goat yoga class." Jack hums, seeing the panic on Nick's face. You laugh at his panic now trying to think of a good excuse to get out of that suggestion because you could see Ellie was about to jump all over that idea.

"I've always loved boxing. Did it for a while when I was at the NSA to let off a bit of steam when I couldn't think straight. Stopped classes when work became less routine at NCIS." Her lips twitched, showing her frustration about the loss of stress relief. You knew she had a small punching bag at her apartment for the really bad days but always said having a sparring partner was best. You never wanted to be on the other end of her bad days so you managed to get out of it up until now. Now it looked like it was time for Nick to pick up the mantle. He looked as pleased about it as you were the first time she asked.

"But isn't the class like females only or something? Wouldn't be fair pairing a woman against a man. The difference in-" He stopped all too late when he looked around at the woman glaring back at him, waiting for him to really put his foot further into the hole he'd just dug with his words.

"Oh, please continue Nicholas. Difference in?" You choked on your drink with Jack's words and venom behind them. You may be all drunk but this wasn't going to go away as quickly as Nick hoped it would.

"There's clear muscle difference between me and Bishop?" He tried, he so tried to make it sound better than it did. You almost felt sorry for the guy now sitting beside the angriest woman in the bar.

"Only muscle with a have difference is our tongues and mine knowing when to shut up. We are going to this class and I'll show you that your tight shirt and toned abs has no difference from mine and how I use them." You winced at her attempt of a comeback. It had its points but the alcohol definitely hindered its impact and delivery.

"Your tight shirts and abs?" Nick smirked but it faded quickly.

"If you noticed." Ellie's quick wit was on point tonight and you coughed down your drink. Jack's hand came up and patted you on the back, the light taps sent electric shocks to your system but what had you sit up straighter was that her hand never left once you stopped coughing. It rested on the small of your back, her fingers curled around your hip, keeping her hand in place. You watched Ellie as she downed the rest of her drink and got up, splaying out her hand for Nick to take. Nick downed his drink quickly.

You watched as they walked out of the bar, hand in hand with no care in the world. You wondered if they were going back to Ellie's place together but that thought was far from your mind when Jack's hand moved slightly and her body shifted more into your side. You leant into her sudden movement and she relaxed against you once more.

"You want a refill?" She was happily and teasingly watching your every move. She loved watching you, loved the way your emotions controlled your features before you got control of them. She noticed it a lot when you two were alone, probably because you had less control over them around her and she loved it.

"You paying?" You smirked, turning your head more so you were almost nose to nose. Being that close sent shivers down your spine but you made no attempt to move and neither did she.

"You haven't paid for one drink tonight and this was your idea. Begging me to come out for drinks when I had a perfectly good bottle of wine at home." Her eyes flicking between your lips and your eyes. You let your tongue slip out for a second, drawing her eyes back to your mouth. Your lips were all of a sudden very dry, she was so close, you could just lean forward a centimeter and noses would touch, lips so close.

"Thought it was my puppy dog eyes that had you coming. I never mentioned buying you drinks." You'd be lying if you didn't notice her eyes widen and darken at your words. Your legs shifted, squeezing together more and apparently that was an invitation for Jack to slip her free hand onto your thigh, running it up too high and down again softly. This was definitely way past being extra friendly.

"That's no way to turn a girl on." She breathed, watching you control your shock and lust. It was hard with several alcoholic beverages in your system and her being so touchy feely.

"Think you got that under control, Jacqueline." You leant forward, burying your face into her curls, seeking out her neck and you smirked when you felt her tilt her head back slightly. You found the skin you were seeking and left open wet kisses against her skin until she was moaning under your touch. Her hand on your thigh tightened, her nails digging into your jeans. "Still want that drink?" You murmured against her skin, trailing wet kisses up her neck, nipping at her earlobe and she moaned louder this time. You so wanted to kiss her lips but this just seemed like the crazier, more passionate option.

"You got a drink at your place?" She moaned when you sucked her lobe between your lips and you did it over again to hear that moan from deep within her crawl out. Her fingers digging deeper into your thigh and you squeezed your legs together in response.

Feeling your thigh move under her touch, she loosened her grip and trailed her hand up, running her fingers too lightly over your inner thigh until her thumb rubbed not so gently against your centre.

"God, yes." You couldn't help but grind against her hand. It was involuntary but your mind had walked out the door with Ellie and Nick.

Jack smirked, your lips leaving her skin when she moved her thumb in a circular motion, causing you to falter. "Then let’s go." She slipped her hand out from between your thighs and you moaned at the sensation it left in its wake. Your eyes followed her hand, up her arm, shoulder and found her lustful glazed eyes looking down at you.

"The quicker we leave the quicker I can -" You jumped up before she could finish, not wanting those words to be heard by anyone else but you. She laughed at your response, loved watching what she could do to you. The alcohol was very much still driving both your actions but neither of you seemed to care right now. This was what everything had been leading up to over the past few months. All the touches, winks, flirtatious comments thrown back and forth. Your want had been building for months and so had hers. Your hand and imagination were never going to live up to this moment.

She had you pressed against the wall outside the bar before the Uber had a chase to agree to the contract. Her lips seeking yours, nipping at your bottom lip, sucking it between hers and devouring you all together. Your hands gripped at her jacket at her waist, trying to find some balance there but she was crushing you, demanding entrance between your lips and her tongue gliding and exploring your mouth. A moan ripped out from your lips, she pulled back heaving for breath but you didn't give her enough time, crashing your lips back to hers, she could use your air for all you cared. You couldn't get enough of her now. You feared, hoped you never would.

You managed to keep your hands mostly to yourselves in the Uber, the driver was friendly, Jack struck up a semi coherent conversation with him for the short distance to your place while her hand glided along your thigh, keeping you both on edge.

The trail up to your apartment was another story entirely. Your hands slipping under her blouse, her moans and cries swallowed by your lips. Luckily your apartment was on the bottom floor and you managed to open the door straight away by some miracle with Jack's lips attached to your neck. Her tongue came out to sooth the red skin but that had you melting all over again. You shoved her back against the door and it slammed shut.

"Your bedroom." She moaned as your lips captured hers, her fingers crawling under your shirt, her knuckles brushing against your skin and your groaned at the contact and the mention of your bedroom. She slipped your shirt off before you could even think about what was happening. It landed somewhere in your entry way but you didn't care. She pushed you back, her lips trailing down and paying attention to your collarbone as she walked you back, down the hallway and into your bedroom. She'd been here a handful of times to know where everything was however, she'd never stepped foot in your bedroom.

Your room had never been so loud. Your moans echoed off the walls, her moans sounding like they were meant to be here and nowhere else. She took you to new heights. Clothes were long gone, the alcohol starting to lose its edge but that didn't matter now. She was intoxicating enough for you. She was like a drug, watching her trail down your body was enough to almost take you over the edge but the way she touched you, sucked and caressed, had you on a whole other planet. But that wasn't the end, no, you wanted some, you wanted her. Flipping her over, having her under you, her whiskey brown eyes almost black with desire and a thin sheen of sweat glistening her body had you moaning all over again. You licked and sucked and made her body shake and convulse under your touch. She screamed your name when you finally let her give in to the abyss and that sound would be etched into your mind forever. Nothing could take that away from you.

That's why when she uttered those words not minutes later, you were still catching your breath and almost ready to go another round when she killed that feeling dead in its tracks. You replayed the moment over and over in your head as you heard the front door slam and Jack was gone. It was such a perfectly drunk evening of finally giving into your feelings and desires and she'd run away. You sunk further into your bed, it smelt like her, like you, like what you could've had but now it was just a smell of what had been.

The turmoil inside of you wrecks you and you have half a thought to try and call Jack but knew she wouldn't answer. You manage to find the energy to roll over because even that seemed like moving a mountain right now and you buried your face into the pillow your face found there. The smell of Jack's shampoo rudely invaded your senses and you groaned. Rolling back over to find anything that didn't smell like the woman who'd ruined you in every possible way.

. . . . .

#jack sloane x reader #jack sloane #ncis x reader #ncis #fanfic #too many emotions

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heartsymbol · 3 years ago

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im just going to vent. abt my feelings. and about someone. you dont have to read it. if you do, i appreciate it. genuinely... okay!

well first of all i fucking hated you! resented you! and a part of me still does. a part of me seethes at the thought of you. i hated being with you. hated getting texts from you because i know most of the time you're just going to vent. talk about yourself. and i always felt my stomach drop everytime you asked at night. when i was tired and drained. i hated how you would talk about your shit days, your job, very much unprompted. i felt as though you fucking treated me like a dumpster, and shoved this shit at me constantly. like, duh ofc i will view you as a negative person lol. one person can only deal with this shit for so long without feeling resentful. not only that, you would always talk about yourself. you you you! you use your adhd as the excuse, but i know tons of people w adhd and they have never been as self centered and without boundaries, like you! all you cared about was yourself and talking abt yourself and wanting to be heard. in the end i would feel like you would just constantly just talk AT ME, like i was a fucking brick wall, not a person. and you would THEN ask, after an hour of talking about yourself, "so. how are you?" like i was a fucking afterthought. you even said i didnt have to say anything... when... that is a part of. talking. as a two way street. as a friend. and i felt denied the action of responding. i didnt feel like a fucking person. do you know how fucking shitty that feels? you ARE SELF CENTERED. tremendously self centered. and the most non-aware person i've ever met. you barely had anything nice to say. not just about your day. but about other people. you would talk shit about people and the things you see unprompted. you would always complain. 80% of the time i felt like i couldnt talk about what i genuinely enjoyed without you laughing or talking shit. and you had the audacity to explain yourself by saying "well i felt like we dont have anything in common to talk about so i talked about my life and work" like BITCH?!? wheres the fucking common sense. you would rather talk about your job and shitty and petty thoughts as a convo stater than, idk. your hobbies? like normal people? in what world would one think that talking about your shit life. CONSTANTLY. UNPROMPTED. W NO BOUNDARIES would be a genuine convo starter... you were fucking unbelievable. it just felt like you wanted someone to talk AT, and not a person to be with. all you did was talk talk talk about yourself. once i said "eh, I'm okay nothing happened in my day." you would go straight to talking about yourself. you just cant hep yourself can you? i felt so very strained, being with you. i couldnt talk about what i liked in fear of you saying something. all you did was talk at me. mansplained constantly. when i did not fucking ask you. and i felt like a fucking idiot around you. it always felt like you were talking down at me and never saw me as an equal. you really had the audacity, in our last moments to cry about how you felt YOU put yourself in the role of being "the older care taker" despite you being just 3 years younger. you created that role. you PROCLAIMED yourself as "an older sister" BUT YOU WERE NOTHING OF THAT SORT! you took that role, created a certain distance from me and ""felt"" like you had to take care of me when all you did was the bare minimum. like, i cant believe i had to tell you years later about how you dumped your trauma onto me CONSTANTLY when i was 17. SEVENTEEN. and you were well into being 20! you USED ME. all i ever felt was USED. i rarely felt like a person. and THE NERVE of you saying that i had baggage with people relying on me. its BECAUSE of people like YOU! that im like this! you caused me so much fucking pain. i would feel awful for days on end. and when you finally are able to have a lighthearted convo i felt "huh. why did i think so badly of you? i was just making this up." it was a fucking cycle. i was DRAINED. you never ever had proper boundaries. you dumped your trauma unprompted to me at age 17. and even afterwards til the very end. i couldnt talk about things like sex with

you because you were uncomfortable! which was fair! but you would then just talk about your own sex life without even asking me if i was comfortable??? you never realised just how much of a power imbalance and power dynamic there was with us? you had the biggest fucking cognitive dissonace, thinking you were a good "older sister" figure with me when you only did the bare minimum. less than that with how you vented to me like, in your words "your note app, live." you just USED ME. USED and took advantage of my fucking kindness to listen to you. and you wonder why. for the longest time. why i could not trust you. that i could not be open about my own problems to you. you had no fucking boundaries and keeping my distance was the one way to make me feel fucking sane, to keep some sembelance of space for myself. this was very much doomed from the start. i cant believe you thought it was funny to pick on me and make fun of me at age 17. what an absolute fucking loser of you to project onto me at that age. you projected onto me an image some girl that you felt hurt by, bc she strung you along romantically and flaked on you. like do you see how that is wrong. how wrong it is to project that image onto a seventeen year old you barely knew like?!??! you were a fucking adult i cant fucking believe you did this shit. and ofc i felt like i had to say shit back. and be spiteful. i was defending myself from an adult. i still laugh now how you would victimise yourself like an overgrown baby when i said shit like " you cant love if you dont love yourself." knowing full well it wasnt meant to be said at you. i felt like i was walking on egg shells, being on high alert with you. because you would always say something, and i would say something back and then you ended up feeling hurt as if you werent the one to fucking start all this shit with a minor. oh how much i fucking resent you. i hate you. i hate you. ughhh and i cant fucking believe just how much i've done for you financially. it was a constant thing. this was my own fault of not stating my own feelings. and constantly giving on my end but boy. im just thinking about how many times i've actually bough food for you. with the intention to share and give. and i would give you money. and i would give you things for your birthday. but it took you two years to do something for mine. i felt unacknowledged and unheard. and i was just. drained. stuck in a friendship i shouldve been honest about from the get go, but felt like i couldnt because i didnt know just how bad it was for me. i let this happen too long, and thats something i will continue to review but fuck. i just. need to let out my anger out. i need to. i never had the space to fucking feel angry and to let out my hurt. i need that space to rage!!!! fuck. fuck you! fuck you! i hated you. i hope you get over yourself. you hurt me. i felt so much hurt in this. i must acknowledge that hurt. i need to be selfish just for once and be angry and nonsensical. i dont care. i dont care. i hated you.

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bunnyriviere · 4 years ago

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my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

#xxxpauline

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totheendofthelinepal · 5 years ago

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Let’s Talk About Sex

Summary: You and Bucky are in a “Particular” Relationship, one night out at the bar with friends goes in a way you’d never expect.

Notes: Sexual Themes, Swearing, NSFW (18+)

It was the very same bar that started it all, and you knew it was a bad idea to even come out tonight - knowing Bucky would be a tease, making the same damn eyes at you every five seconds. It was still under wraps, which meant that he would take much more amusement than you would tonight, to him it was all apart of the fun. As always, it was the small group that you normally hung out with when Steve was away on a mission - Sam, Wanda, and Nat. Every so often you would meet for drinks, and unfortunately tonight was one of those evenings. Making it less obvious, you and Bucky arrived at different times - even though when you had the house to yourselves, it only meant one thing. He was going to have his way with you, and you were far too deep to deny him. It quickly became a weakness, Bucky’s eyes telling you without words what he wanted - he couldn't take action half the time due to the company around you. Just like any other instance, you were all huddled around the small bar table - Nat relentlessly talking to you about your love life, and tonight even Wanda jumped in.

“Come on, I know you started seeing someone. You told me.” Nat smirked, taking a quick drink.

“I was drunk when I told you that, I say anything when I’m drunk.” You sighed nervously, Wanda grinning to you.

“Oh but you went into detail. come on, we just want to know what you left out - a name.” Wanda laughed out, nudging you playfully, “Is it someone we’ve seen before?”

“Nope, no one you know.” You swallowed, your eyes meeting Bucky in a warning.

“Well I would like to know the man that you said to be the best sex you’ve ever had.” Nat smirked again, leaning forward to tease you.

Your eyes grew wide, and suddenly Bucky’s drink ended up in the air - spitting out to her words.

“Jesus, man.” Sam grumbled, wiping off quickly what Bucky had spewed in the air.

You heard his mocking laugh, a devious grin now crossing his lips, “Did she now?”

“No I didnt. i was drunk.” You blurted out, trying your best to change the conversation, “Wanda we should get some more drinks.”

“No she did, she said he was the best sex she’d ever had.” Nat laughed softly, “Even told me he had an ass that wont quit.”

“Oh my god.” You choked out, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks - You needed it to be over.

Bucky laughed again, unable to hide his smug grin, “Ass that wont quit, huh?”

“So you’re an ass woman?” Sam chuckled lowly, making eyes of teasing to you.

“Look at her, she’s gone red. I wish we knew this man.” Wanda smiled to you, poking lightly to your reddened face.

“Me too.” Bucky took a drink, his eyes never leaving you.

“We’d have to address him as Sex God.” Nat chuckled again, “That was another detailed description.”

That was it, Bucky’s expression lit in complete amusement, “Sex God?”

“Bucky, can I talk to you about something?” You blurted out quickly, “Its about the apartment.”

“Well I don’t know, maybe we need to learn more about the sex god you’re talking about.” He laughed out, and before he could have any more fun - you pushed him violently from the table.

His snickers were almost too loud, and you felt your body go flush to the confession you didnt want to get out.

“So tell me, when was it you decided that I was the best sex you ever had?” He turned quickly, making sure no eyes were prying around the corner the both of you now stood.

“Shut up.” You muttered quietly, crossing your arms, “You were making it too obvious back there.”

“I want to know.” Bucky smirked, “Was it the night before Steve’s house party?”

“Bucky.” You warned, seeing his face go in wonderment.

“Oh I got it, fourth of the july?” He grinned widely again, “Or…was it the night when you tied me to the bed, because let me tell you that was a night I’ll never forget.”

“You know what? None.” You finally snapped, turning to walk away - his hands stopped you, pulling you quickly to the corner again.

“You know I’m just messing with you, Doll.” Bucky whispered out, and you already felt his hands move along your back, “It takes two to have mindblowing sex.”

You bit your lip, suddenly curious, “Mindblowing?”

He smirked, nodding slowly, “So fucking mindblowing.”

You couldnt help the small grin, and he only nudged you at his victory to get you to smile.

“But from now on, could you please refer me as sex god?” He giggled out, and the moment quickly passed.

Your feet took you back into the bar, and Bucky’s laugh echoed behind you. His steps were quick, and you felt his lips already playfully at your ear.

“I’m still getting lucky tonight, right?” He whispered quietly, and you turned abruptly.

“The only mindblowing sex youre getting tonight is in your dreams, Barnes.” Your eyes traveled, and you suddenly saw his face go serious. Got him.

“Youre kidding, right?” Bucky looked in almost worry, “Come on, doll. Please tell me you’re kidding.”

You raised a brow, making sure your hips swung just slightly more than before - and as you reached the table again, you smiled to the quiet curse of regret behind you.

You weren’t sure about it at first, but the sight before you was more than you could imagine or wanted. Biting your lip you took it all in, his arms above his head - the covering of the blue eyes you loved. The bright, boyish grin of excitement. Not only was he willing, he was more than excited to agree to it all. Unable to control yourself, your hand reached forward - tricking across the bare chest before you. His smile turned to a smirk, leaning forward only to be stopped. You knew it was the only place in the house you hadn’t had your fun, the bathroom was unexpected - but god did he look good. His hands were tied firmly to the shower curtain rod, and you knew easily he could break out of it - but he wouldn’t dare.

“Think you can keep up, Bucky?” You whispered out, reaching to pull away the blindfold

His eyes opened, in clear amusement and excitement, “I’ll do anything you want, sweetheart.”

You bit your lip, your hands moving along the skin of his v line, “Anything?”

He only nodded in a grin, and you took the opportunity. Your lips met just below his ear, biting softly to the skin - you heard a low sigh release from you action. Your hand reached, holding his jaw in place - every so often tugging to the hair you enjoyed.

“Fuck.” He groaned out, and you heard a change in breathing, “Ruin me.”

“I don’t know, Buck.” You whispered to his ear, and you felt him nearly press into you with his features, “That little stunt back there wasn’t too nice.”

“Please.” He choked out, “Just do something”

You grinned, laughing lightly to his ear. In his defense, he lasted a lot longer than you expected. This had been going on for nearly an hour. But it wasn’t going to stop there, if he wanted to act like he did - you were going to make him pay for it. You hummed softly, your lips hovering lightly over his. When you gave him just barely the taste of your kiss, you pulled away. You smirked, watching him turn in complete confusion. Grabbing your things, you saw him finally tug to the restraints. You only clicked your tongue, letting him know that if he left he wouldn’t ever get what he wanted.

“Where are you going?” He leaned forward, and you got one last look to his exposed skin.

“If you stay..” You smirked, “I’ll give you what you want.”

“Come on, doll.” Bucky moved forward, “You’re not gonna leave me In here.”

You went the door, and you watched Bucky’s eyes grow wide, “Watch me.”

The sleep you intended to be peaceful, was far from it. Your body jolted upwards, hear a scream ring out throughout the apartment. Worry struck you, wrapping your robe you quickly fumbled to the bathroom where you left Bucky. Opening the door, you expected to see him where you left him - except this time there was another guest that joined the party.

“Shit.” You cursed out, and before you could say much else - Steve’s hand flew over your eyes. Clearly he didn’t know you were the one to put Bucky there.

“Buck, what the hell?” Steve breathed out, his hands still preventing you from seeing anything.

“I-I had a girl over.” Bucky choked out, “Clearly she thought it would be funny.”

“Jesus Christ..” Steve sighed out, “I have to drop off Sharon, when I get back please be dressed.”

You felt Steve lead you out of the room, quietly mumbling a string of complaint when the two of you reached the living room.

“When he gets out make sure he comes to see me.” Steve sighed again, grabbing his things before his exit.

You bit your lip, waiting a few seconds after he left. Your feet fumbled quickly, nearly bursting the bathroom door open.

“Bucky-” you started out, only to see the pair of blue eyes - completely pissed.

You swallowed out, moving quietly to remove what you had done out of fun. His eyes watched you, and you could almost feel how mad he was. When his hands released you expected him to leave, but he only stood still.

“Bucky I’m sorry-” you choked out, and your words came to a halt of his lips.

It was harsh, but nonetheless good. His hands nearly slammed you to the wall, and you had no control of what happened anymore. Sighing g out, his hands instantly gripped you into the air - slamming your back to the wall once again.

Pulling away, your eyes went wide, you were already breathless, “What are you doing?”

“Getting what I goddamn want.” Bucky quipped, his hands quickly moving you over his shoulder.

You grunted out softly, feeling your body being thrown over his shoulder - watching as he made his way to the bedroom.

“W-what about Steve?” You swallowed, knowing he wanted Bucky to meet him.

“He can wait.” Bucky gruffed out, your body now hitting the bed, “I hope you enjoyed walking away from me last night, because you’re not gonna walk for a whole goddamn week.”

#buckybarnes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #bucky barnes fanfic #marvel #sebstan #sebastian stan

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thotantics · 5 years ago

Text

(gif credit to owner)

⚤ pairing — reader + Bambam

✎ word count — 2,030

✦ genre — smut

✗ warnings — graphic description of sex, masturbation (brief), oral sex, multiple orgasms, overstimulation (implied)

[requested] Bambam (GOT7)x fem!reader w/ "open your legs and smile for the camera" and "touch yourself for me" please and thank you

[A/N] random burst of inspo for this!! idk where it come from lmao but i intended to make this into a drabble (1k words or less!!) buuuuuut this just kinda all came out in one sitting and i couldnt stop 😅 unedited bc i cbf im too excited to post something again :’)

“I hate leaving you, don’t get me wrong..” He’s mumbling this against the valley of your breasts, his voice rumbling out of him and tickling your sensitive skin, goosebumps prickling your arms and the back of your neck as he lifts his head to smile at you, “But I really fucking love the way we say goodbye.”

You weren’t entirely sure if he meant the handjob you were currently providing him with or the lengthy make out session that led to it, or both. But it made you smile, nonetheless. You can feel him pulsing in your grip, cock hardening even further as he turns his head and captures a peaked nipple between his lips. You sigh.

“Can I take your picture?” Bambam asks you, seemingly out of nowhere but in truth, he’d been hiding away a brand new Polaroid specifically for this moment. “It’ll help me miss you just a little bit less whenever I have to leave.” He reasons with you when you give him a less than convinced look at the suggestion.

But you can’t deny him, and you trust that he’ll keep the photos safely hidden. Even still, you need to feel at least somewhat in control of this situation so you tell him, “Only three.”

“Three?” He repeats, brows shooting up in surprise. “Wow...” He exhales, a smile spreading across his face, “I was hoping for just one! You’re so generous.”

He’s laughing against your neck while you roll your eyes, unable to resist smiling as you kiss a path across his shoulder, your hand still slowly working at his cock, “Don’t make me change my mind, Bam.”

He’s quick to disengage from you and trot happily across the room, rummaging in his closet at a pile of freshly delivered boxes until he finds the right one. He’d already loaded the camera with film and had taken some shots of random things, test driving his new toy with photos of his cats, mostly.

You’re both already naked and when Bambam turns back to you, looking at you through the lens, but you suddenly feel even more naked. Your arms drape over your chest and your hand dips between your legs, hiding your sex. He pulls the camera away and smiles at you reassuringly as he walks back over to the bed, climbing up beside you.

“The picture I first wanted was of your pretty lips,” He tells you, dragging his index finger over your lower lip, folding it out before he lets it fall back into place, biting at his own lip as he watches, “But since I get three...hm, what should I do?” He wonders out loud. He gives you a good once over. His eyes linger on your breasts and you can practically see the cogs turning in his head before he keeps on looking you over.

The spot he finally decides on is where your hand is still tucked between your thighs still tightly pressed together, shielding your sex from his view. You know he’s figured out what he wants by the way his eyes narrow a bit and you can only imagine what sort of filth is going on in that head of his.

Before you can speak, he’s bounding up on knees, settling by your feet planted flat on the mattress, and he rests the camera in his hand on top of your knee, meeting your eyes.

“Open up.” He smiles.

You pout at him. “All of a sudden?”

“I want you to touch yourself for me.” He explains, again licking at his bottom lip before he catches it in his teeth. “Don’t act shy,” He laughs, “It’s just me.”

“You and your camera.” You remind him, but you let your knees fall open anyway, keeping your hand cupped around your sex.

“That’s right, baby.” Bam whispers, “Let me see that pretty pussy.”

You’re blushing furiously but he’s keeping his camera away from you for now, and the hungry look in his eyes is helping to quell any insecurity you have. Who has time to feel insecure with a man like him staring you down like he’s never seen a creature more gorgeous, anyway?

It’s a slow reveal intentionally, keeping the back of your hand as the most he can see until you feel brave enough to drag your hand back, pressing the pads of two fingers on either side of your clit. Bambam’s breath hitches, fingers twitching on his camera, still resting on your left knee.

Encouragingly, Bam whispers again down to you, his free hand rubbing your outer thigh, “You’re so hot, baby. Shit, I’m so fucking turned on right now..”

So you keep going until you’re forgetting all about him and his dumb camera. You press your fingers lower, dragging your wetness from it’s source and circling your clit with renewed vigor, moaning softly at the slick friction that has you clenching around nothing. Bambam’s solid and pressed up against the back of your right thigh, and you can feel the pulse of that thick vein that runs along the underside of his cock thrumming against your heated skin, the wet patch where precum is spilling out from the tip of him.

Then he lifts his camera and your knees start to shut again, and he groans, eyes lifting to meet your own, “Baby~” He’s pleading already, you can see it in his eyes and hear it in his tone, “Let me see~”

“Nobody can ever know these pictures exist, Bam.” You tell him and he frowns, nodding his head seriously.

“Of course not.” He assures you, “These are for me, baby, they’re all mine...just like you.”

You smile back at him, “That’s right.”

He’s excited all over again after this exchange, and he stands up on the mattress, the weight of him making you shift as he corrects his footing and plants one hand on the ceiling to steady himself.

You’re already laughing at the sight of his long, awkward limbs standing up like a newborn giraffe to stand over you like he is before he tells you, “Open your legs and smile for the camera.”

You do as he says, parting your knees wide and dipping your fingers into your drenched slit, circling your entrance as a genuine laugh is captured by the flash of his Polaroid.

Bambam’s thrilled, exclaiming softly to himself happily as the photo ejects from the front and he steps carefully off the bed and places it gently on one of the end tables to develop, “That’s such a good picture.” He says, then he turns back to the bed, tossing the camera next to you and climbing over you, giving you a deep kiss as he replaces your fingers with his own.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” He groans against your lips, fucking you open with two of his long fingers, indulging in the wet sounds that emit from your greedy cunt. “Can I take one of your lips on my dick, baby?”

You hum in agreement, head spinning, sure that you would give this man the entire moon, somehow, if he said in that moment that he wanted it. You follow after him as he moves to stand at the edge of the bed, grabbing his camera again. Your lips part and you meet the tip of his cock with your tongue first, licking down and back up the length of him, wetting him with saliva before you wrap your lips around him so he slides more easily into your mouth.

You’re so focused on the sounds he make and the weight of his dick on your tongue that you forget about the camera for a long while and just suck him as if your life depended on it. Bambam likes you cock hungry and god, were you ever when it came to him. Blowjobs weren’t necessarily pleasurable for you but sucking him off was an experience. The power you felt when his thighs twitched and he gasped as you focus on his tip, the wetness that seeped from your core as you massaged his balls and felt how tight and full of cum they were. All because of you.

Bam waits until you’re a mess of spit, hair everywhere from his hands clinging onto you desperately, tears filling your eyes from gagging a few too many times trying to let him deeply fuck your throat, before he snags his camera from the bed again. He tells you in a gentle tone to look at him and you do, tears clinging to your lashes, only to be met with the lens. He takes his second photo with the flash off, wanting your eyes open wide and staring up at him with your lips tight around his shaft. He moves away from you again to place the photo with the other while you clear your scratchy throat and steady your breathing.

He’s already got in mind what he wants for the last picture you’ve allowed him to take, but he forgets about it for the time being, putting the camera out of the way temporarily. Instead, he busies himself in repaying you for the amazing head, laying between your thighs on his stomach, his cock pressed between his stomach and the sheets as he tongues slow circles across your clit.

You cum for him, twitching, keening, while he sucks greedily at you, fingers buried deep in your cunt, and before the last waves of pleasure have passed, while you’re still throbbing on the inside, he flips you over onto your knees with gentle hand placements, coming up behind you and pressing himself inside.

Bambam snaps his third photo while you cum again around his cock, immediately after the first orgasm, your pussy gushing back across his thighs. He’s piercing you deep and with hard snaps of his hips, but he’s slow, drawing out his thrusts every 4 or 5 seconds. You’re moaning high pitched and completely in time to his every thrust, and don’t even realize when he had turned the flash back on and gotten that last photo by turning to his left and looking at the full length mirror near the closet. He’s cut off in the photo at the top of his head but otherwise, everything else should be clear, including the look on your face, head thrown back, features contorted in pleasure.

“Fuck me harder.” You cry back to him, nails digging into his thigh in an attempt to regain his attention when you feel him shifting forward to place the final photo with the first two.

He straightens back up and grips onto your hips, hoisting your ass up a little higher where you’d slumped under the weight of him leaning past you to the end table. Then he pulls back until the tip of him is kissing at your entrance and he slams back in, hard and fast. He fucks you without interruption, then, wild and unabashedly chasing his own high.

In the process, he has you cumming again, sobbing into the pillow, drool spilling out of your mouth as he fucks his own cum into you until it, too, is spilling out of you and soiling the sheets. He doesn’t stop until you beg him for a break, your body on fire and throbbing head to toe. The moment he relaxes and let’s his body fall away from yours, you collapse onto your stomach, gasping for air.

For a few moments you shut your eyes, feeling him shift off the bed and you wait to hear him return with something to clean you up, but instead you’re met with silence. Before you fall asleep a sticky mess face down on the pillows, you flutter your eyes open and catch your boyfriend staring at the three photos fanned out in his hands like a winning hand of poker.

“Baby,” Bambam chuckles in disbelief when he meets your eyes and sees that you’re still awake, “You are so goddamn hot.” He turns and shows the photos to you, dropping them delicately on the mattress next to you in favor of cupping your head as you sit up and planting a kiss on your forehead. “Thank you.”

#bambam smut #got7 smut #mine #yoooooo WHERE tf did this come from??#yall tell me bc i sure tf do not know #not my gif #there's no easy to find bammie gifs on giphy :(((( i googled and found that one on pinterest with no source #if anybody knows the owner pls lmk so i can credit them

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dear-yandere · 5 years ago

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lots of ilya q&a below - part 1

tw ... mentions of noncon and murder.

[ part 2 ]

question: so Ilya wouldn’t like a cop out of principle but what it,, Ilya had a darling but a (yandere?) cop investigating his case,, ALSO likes ilyas darling.. (obviously this would only be fun if the cop is rly competent and an actual threat)

answer: ilya believes that because he’s suffered, he should have a “free pass” to inflict suffering onto others, so of course he isn’t fond of having someone on his tail that constantly gets in the way of his fun. still, anything that staves off boredom is a plus in his book.

whether the cop is yandere or not, ilya isn’t fond of sharing his darling with the likes of an officer. simply put, this rival poses a threat to taking darling away (basically being a cockblock). ilya’d be sure to use the cop’s feelings to mock him, such as mentioning how wonderful darling is in bed, what a wonderful shade their skin turns when he chokes them to near-death, or – worst of all – how popular darling’s pictures / videos have become on the dark web.

in reality, ilya has the upper hand in this situation. he’s avoided the cops for so long, what’s another one? then again, this devil-may-care mentality will surely be his downfall if the cop is competent enough to catch him.

question: Also sorry for spamming u I’m just in a mood rn- If Ilya likes hurting adults but wants to protect kids, how does he feel abt teenagers? Cause i feel like if I was an adult I’d see teenagers as kids so like are teenagers more like kids or more like adults to him? Also I thought it was rly funny that ppl seemed 2 prefer being ilyas partner in crime over being his darling but like if I had to interact w him I’d want him to protect child me lol cause I just want someone to watch out 4 me,,

answer: considering the amount of distasteful and illegal things he comes across involving minors on the dark web, anyone under the age of consent (or that looks too much like a child) is a kid in his eyes. even if he met an adult that looked young enough to be underaged, he’d feel uncomfortable with assaulting / killing them even after learning their age.

and i agree! ilya would’ve actually made a wonderful kindergarten or elementary teacher had his life played out differently. i was a bit shocked people preferred being his partner in crime, but it makes sense since they’d be prolonging their lifespan should they have the misfortune of meeting this man.

question 1: Can I ask how Ilya would react to a darling who cant die? Or dies but comes back to life each time? I’m torn between thinking he’d be frustrated because his ultimate show of love won’t stick or ecstatic that he has someone he can kill over and over again

question 2: I wonder how Ilya would react to a darling he COULDNT kill, maybe because they were immortal or simply always managed to stay just out of his reach. Perhaps they even returned a bit of his feelings but never as much as he wanted, never enough to die for it. - jinxdere

ilya would probably go through the stages of “grief”.

he’d be angry and distraught at first, adamant about maintaining his denial toward the situation. he’s never encountered a darling who couldn’t die; the moment he slit their throat, he expected them to never come back, to never question his love in such a way as to live.

during the bargaining stage, he’d distance himself for a while, at least until he comes to terms with it and decide what to do.

during the depression stage. rather than be ecstatic that he can kill his darling over and over again, he’d feel an equal amount of anger as he does love. above all else, ilya wants to have fun, to cope with his problems by hurting as many people as possible. to him, killing others is his way of spreading his twisted version of love; he wants to kill as many people as he possibly can because he wants to love everyone. really though, this is an excuse to make as many people suffer as he possibly can. because he was wronged in his life, he wants to drag others down to his level. therefore, he’d rationalize his options and eventually decide to begrudgingly accept his darling’s immortality.

during the acceptance stage, he’d be willfully ignorant. he’d abandon this darling, sending them far away and telling them to never seek him out again; and if they do (especially if they fell in love with him), he will make every death more painful than the last. he wants nothing to do with them simply because they represent something he can’t overcome in life; ilya is fascinated by the marriage between death and love, and this particular darling is challenging his entire world view. he’d rather remain ignorant.

so basically, while he isn’t fond of having more than one darling at a time, he’d shun this immortal darling and no longer think of them as his. this seems counterintuitive, but a big part of ilya’s character is his hypocrisy and ignorance. they define who he is and act as a reminder of his past and innate psychopathic tendencies.

question: if u say Ilya has always had psychopathic tendencies, would he still be where he is rn if he had a good childhood? And I wonder like.. apathetic ppl/characters are often into morbid stuff and don’t care about hurting others but when u strip that down isn’t that just following your desires? Like are people like that obligated to be into violent stuff? Cause if Ilya just really liked collecting fish there’d be no issue.. I kinda think it’s a way to lash out at the world without letting it get 2 u

answer: i hope i understood this question correctly.

i can’t speak for actual psychopaths or serial killers obviously, but ilya is willfully ignorant and hypocritical. it’s his way of ‘lashing out without letting it get to him’ – his way of coping, basically. if he had a good childhood, it’s certainly possible he wouldn’t have treaded this path. however, childhood is only one factor that can push psychopaths over the edge. people who are apathetic or into morbid stuff aren’t obligated to be into violent things, especially as there can be some other mental issue at play; take narcissistic personality disorder for example. i personally know someone who likely has this disorder, but they are not into morbid / violent stuff even though they may lash out violently or disregard hurting others at times. i agree that your evaluation is probably correct in this situation too: lashing out is a way to cope.

now, if ilya’s parents had been more attentive, they would’ve noticed their son’s unsettling tendencies. killing animals is a big indicator of something greater at play and i’m sure they would’ve taken him for a psychological screening. i’m no doctor or psychiatrist (i’m not even in the medical field), but i imagine that with early detection and proper therapy, ilya might’ve been a normal person. would he still be into morbid things and have all the extreme kinks he currently does? yeah probably, but to a much lesser extent.

question: okay so u said Ilya knows he’s fucked up which is why he can’t have a kid BC he wouldn’t want them involved in that life so like.. if he knows he’s fucked up but still enjoys doing what he does, does he justify it to himself? Does he just not think about it? Like I often see evil characters be like “the world hurt me so I’m allowed to hurt others” - is it like that? Cause u said he’s a hypocrite and that’s quite hypocritical imo (if u know how bad it can be why make others suffer too yk?)

answer: part of it is that ilya is naturally sadistic and psychopathic, he doesn’t care if others suffer. even if he hadn’t become a serial rapist and killer, he would’ve had a clear disregard for others. he does justify himself and ignores his obvious hypocrisy. he realizes how much of a hypocrite he is, so it’s not that he’s an idiot or blind; it’s more of that he doesn’t give a damn about how selfish or contradictory he’s being.

you’re right that he thinks that he’s allowed to hurt others because the world hurt him, but it’s a bit beyond that. so for your question ‘why hurt others if you know how bad it can be’ – he gets off on it. even if he wasn’t the one committing crimes, he’d still get off on it. he’s similar to an incel that just stays in his room, complains about how the world is unfair, and watches porn all day, except more attractive, less whiny, actually gets sex bc he’s charming and doesn’t show his misanthropic side, and is into way darker porn than most incels probably are.

question: How would Eu-jin handle Illya taking an interest in his darling? I feel like things would get ugly fast.

answer: luckily, ilya doesn’t exist in the same universe as eu-jin or any of my other ocs! he’s human, so he’d get ripped to shreds pretty fast, especially by the overly-obsessive and protective supernatural (gumiho) eu-jin who hasn’t seen his darling in literal millennia.

yuu wouldn’t even bother cannibalizing ilya, as he usually does with his prey; he’d find the Ripper far too disgusting to put in his own body, but he would torture ilya as painfully and slowly as possible. ripping off his fingernails one by one, removing his tongue so he can’t scream (much like the way ilya chokes his darlings), etc.

...so yeah, as soon as the hyper-aware eu-jin realizes that ilya is looking at the former’s darling with interest, it’d get ugly real fast.

question: What if when Ilya tried to kill one of his darlings but they manage to fight back and escape? I just see that throwing him for a real curve ball so I was curious to how he'd react.

answer: he’d be furious at first. to him, running away is the ultimate act of denying his love -- but, he’s a man that appreciates some fun every now and then. while he isn’t fond of darlings that fight back (especially when he’s about to kill them), having a darling who spices his life up every now and then is exhilarating. he’ll decide to play along with this darling’s little game of cat and mouse, and to be honest, he finds the increased risk of getting caught by authorities (should the darling get that far) fun. as i’ve mentioned before, ilya knows how much of a hypocrite he is and has long come to terms with his inevitable karma and death, he just doesn’t care enough to change his habits.

#oc questions #questions #*ocs #ilya #vanya #not a request

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thedankfaerie · 4 years ago

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i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you.

and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself.

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time.

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive.

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’.

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once!

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately.

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class.

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point.

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore.

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us.

someone please help me.

#help #lol

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neko-rogers · 6 years ago

Text

Relax

Square Filled: Shower Sex ; created for @spnkinkbingo

Synopsis: All you want is to take a nice steamy shower and compensate for the sleep you’ve been longing ever since you began hunting for a vampire nest.

Words: 2760

Forewarnings: NSFW 18+, foreplay, cunnilingus, intercourse under the shower, implied oral (male receiving), and the sad fantasy of running water being wasted.

A/N: Don’t try this at home, it’s really freaking dangerous and you could slip. Plus you’re obviously going to waste tons of gallons of water.

The silver knife that had been covered with blood from an earlier hunt still slashed keenly through the vampire’s neck, creating a loud gushing sound as it glides from it’s flesh. The second afterwards was seeing the beheaded body fall to his knees and concrete ground while blood oozed out from everywhere.

Your heartbeat continued to race, with your chest heavily heaving and head feeling light-headed from all the action. Meanwhile your hands and face were covered with an excessive amount of blood stains while your outfit was completely dirty. Though you couldn't thank yourself enough for having to finish the job already since it meant that you could get some rest that should compensate for the previous days.

"Y/N!" You picked up Sam's hoarse voice immediately from the dozens of hallways of the building. He was calling your name out for moments until you saw a flashlight flicker across the room from you.

Sam then placed his pistol back into where it was once he saw you standing there with a deceased creature behind. He hurried to where you stood as you dropped the large knife to the ground, which echoed a clashing sound around the area, and enveloped the Winchester’s body with your filthy arms. His musky scent filled your nostrils even when everything was completely covered in grease, you could still smell library books attached to his button-up. “Dean and I were looking for you these past few days, you could’ve left a note in the bunker or texted before you stormed off.

“I did text you guys.” You pulled back from the embrace and realized how guilty you were immediately since you only had texted them the moment you were about to head for the vampire’s nest you had been tracking a few months ago.

He continued to remind you that informing him that you were passing by at Sunnyside Diner and stating about solving a case wasn’t actually comforting at all for them. You held them worried for days whereas all they wanted was to keep you safe, therefore you couldn’t even look up directly at Sam and apologize because of the shame.

“Look, Sammy, I’m sorry about that and I realized how dumb I was to not leave a note to where I was heading−”

Heavy steps followed and you could hear Dean’s voice this time, calling for Sam’s name until he ended up finding the both of you. He had the ivory pistol secured around his dominant hand though he angled it down when he got closer and recognized your unwashed face. You couldn’t tell if the look on his face was relief that they finally found you or resentment due to your bold move of leaving the bunker without any context.

“Y/N.” The tone of his voice crumbling.

Dean was pleased to see you as a whole, don't get him wrong, he could finally sleep at night better than when you were not around. But he couldn't help himself once his emotions got the best of him and began acting too overprotected over you, "Goddammit Y/N didn't I tell you to keep yourself safe and always tell us where you're heading to?" His voice sounded demanding rather than a question.

With the younger brother caught up between the sudden conflict, Sam watched as you exchanged aggressive dialogues towards one another. You were tired and accomplished a case, no one could do anything anymore as everything that had to be done is done. There weren't any excuses left so you were exhausted to even argue. "Dean I'm sorry and I know I shouldn't have done what I did–"

"No. You don't get to pull the sorry card up your ass again," Dean stated and took a deep breath before rubbing his palm over his face.

He then continued, "My brother doesn't have the guts to tell you this because he's too chicken but you shouldn't be selfish with the hunting business, Sam and I are sick and tired of worrying where you go to everytime because you couldn't even leave a damn note or text me!"

Yeah you did understand Dean. You knew him from the back of your hand and for this scenario, you understood why he got so frustrated with you disappearing from the bunker out of nowhere. It would've been heavy for him especially when you realized that all he wants is to keep you safe – he was traumatized of being left alone or his loved ones to die again since hunting obviously isn't the best lifestyle to engage in.

He has had a hard time processing whether you would still be alive or not. He could never sleep peacefully knowing you could be out in the field being tackles by creatures stronger and more powerful. He loves you too much and hates to even think of you getting harmed. He wants to spend forever with you because you're the last remaining joy and symbol of hope for his fucked up life.

Though due to your weary condition, you weren't able to understand that. Instead, you felt a struck of guilt and sadness into your thoughts – you were trying to do what was good yet in the end it turns out that you were still the one doing wrongful acts. It hurt and tears began brimming around the circles of your eyelids and within moments, droplets were streaming down yours eyes.

Sam was surprised and felt too bad about it, he knew his brother became a bit hard on you though he didn't want to speak up anymore. Meanwhile the dickhead in front of you realized his mistake as his jaw dropped in awe, "Okay I didn't mean to sound that harsh, I just meant that all Sam and I want is to keep you safe because–"

"I'll wait in the Impala."

And with that you rudely stopped him from explaining further, rather walking past him with a cold aura while stomping your feet along the way. You made sure not to look back, trying to hid the uncontrollable tears from streaming, as you landed outside and instantly caught sight of the black Impala that glistened under the night sky.

It took them longer than usual before they went back into the car yet you couldn't care less because there you were seated at the backseat with dried tears staining your cheeks. Once you heard the car doors unlock, your system sooner dozed to slumber and when Dean started the engine you couldn't remember anything anymore than pitch black since your body was giving up and exhaustion got the best of you.

A light tap on the shoulder awoken you from slumber. Your eyes squinted alongside to see Sam trying to wake you up acknowledging the Impala has arrived in the bunker, your mind was groggy and it was a shame you couldn't continue dreaming – at least you could take that shower already. There you thanked Sam and got off the car.

Immediately, you picked your bag then went straight to the doorway and to your room, ignoring Dean along the way when he tried to look at you passing by. You were purposely being cold to him and could tell he was genuinely guilty about it. He even tried to open his mouth thought not a word came out from his tongue.

Once you dropped your gear and swept it under the bed, you grabbed a towel and went straight for a shower. You closed the door behind and began stripping your clothes off until none was left and you were naked as a bear, dropping every apparel on the floor then moving past the plain, nude-colored curtains.

Next you turned the shower and adjusted the heating system until the temperature was soothing your body perfectly. You moaned out of relief when you allowed the water to run down your body, soaking through your hair and feeling it rinse all the dirt clumped up in your body. You took a handful of liquid soap and dumped it all over your body while shampoo was all over your hair. Then you began to scrub every particle there was latched to your skin while the water was gently streaming down – from either side of your arms then down to the valley of your breasts, you made sure your body wasn't feeling sticky or gross anymore.

As you were midway with the relaxing shower, you heard the door creak open and assumed who it was. "Now isn't the best time to shower together, Winchester."

"C'mon, Y/N, I didn't mean what I said earlier."

You continued to bathe your body as your eyelids fastened and your face was directed against the shower head with fingers running through your tangled locks. There you were ignoring anything Dean was stating, even if the only thing separating the two of you was the shower curtain between.

But that didn't stop him from bugging the hell out of you. Within moments of avoiding a conversation with him inside the bathroom, you heard the curtains move aside while hands enveloped around your bare waist – it was Dean already naked and joining you in the shower without even having to ask you if he could.

He quickly shushed you before you could react furthermore, "Relax."

His soft hand pressed against your upper back while his other reached for the bottle of soap and squeezing an amount onto your skin before placing it back. He began to massage your body, starting it off with his thumb doing circular motions at the lower back of your neck while his other fingers gripped around your shoulders.

Then he eventually advanced lower, sensing his muscular arms on either sides of you. His hands pressed lightly against your breasts at first while you let out a gasp and felt your body betraying you as the area between your thighs began to soak with your arousal despite the fact that you were submerged with running water already. “You like that?” Dean sensually teases.

And just like that your body gave into the scene and melted into a puddle. You nodded for Dean and you let your back relax against his sturdy torso, allowing him to lead you on with what he plans to do to help you ease yourself.

Firstly, you looked to your side only to be met with soft lips that swiftly progressed with your mouth. He tasted like the typical combination of fast food and beer, though you didn’t mind as you got used to it, as he subtly tugged your lower lip between his teeth then releasing promptly.

Without having to sense it at first, he brushed the ends of your hair to one side and lowered his face on the other until his lips could press against a part of your neck. Dean began to suck against the sensitive skin while continuing to knead onto your breasts. He even bit down and nibbled with certain areas between your neck and shoulders until pink bruises were forming and your body ached harder for him.

Then he spun you around until he got the magnificent view of your breasts bouncing out for him. With a sudden move, Dean’s mouth lapped onto one of them and began to swirl the tip of his tongue around your sensitive nipples. You took a few steps backward and stopped when you felt your back lower onto a flat surface just around the corner. Though he didn’t stay fondling around with your breasts for longer as his mouth unfastened and left the usual love bites at the area. It tickled you for a bit but mostly sent a kindling sensation throughout your body.

His mouth went downwards further, reaching over your midriff and leaving trails of kisses until it resulted with him pressing his lips firmer onto your clit. He knelt down onto the floor while continuing to eat your cunt out, swathing from your folds and delving further to earn a taste of the wetness formed from earlier. You couldn’t help but extend your arms out and jerk a handful of his hair. When you looked beneath, you were caught with the view of the water running along Dean’s toned back, seeing it glisten through the light which created the effect of his body looking more wonderful whereas his face was completely buried under your pussy. “You taste so sweet, princess.”

Another thing was he attempted to dip a finger inside you, pumping it inside and outside while you let out a soft groan. He tried to add another finger but this time you concluded that his touch and tongue wasn’t enough for the throbbing of your sex, craving for more specifically his cock impelling inside of you. “Dean, I need more.”

He murmurs, “Tell me what you want, baby.”

“I need your cock inside me,” you whine while he chuckles at you knowing that a few hours you despised him but now you were pleading.

Dean straightened himself in front of you now, leaving your pulsing nerves for a short while reaching for one of your legs and hoisting it up which gave him a better angle to penetrate himself inside you. Meanwhile his cock was totally erect and stood out before having to align himself with your entrance – even with the sight of it, you could already imagine it filling your insides and repeatedly propelling your walls.

Oomph.

He didn’t ask once more for a permission from you before skimming his fingers over your folds then fisting his cock and guiding it until you could feel is sink inside you. Your mouth gaped open when Dean began to thrust his hips forwards and backwards as you tried to grip around his arms or any handle to stay in tact. “Baby, you feel so good.”

And even though his size wasn’t that lengthy, he was definitely thick enough for your walls to tighten around and feel your favorite sensation wash through your system. Dean knew how to use his dick, he knew how to please you in many ways than you could imagine and that was one of his most special skills. From trying to hold back your moans which now escalated quickly to being a groaning mess. Your body that was one rinsed off clear from soap now was covered in your perspiration again though wasn’t too obvious because of the phase you both spent here.

The shower room didn’t only echo your voice but Dean’s grunts also. His tone was deep and rigid, even without the sex you always fantasized about his husky accent – the way he gets furious with failed hunts or when things slip out of hand, he gets enraged and usually ends up throwing something across the library out of impulse – that is fucking hot.

“Should this be considered as an apology sex?” he suddenly blurts out subsequent with a short laughter, but you didn’t respond rather gestured him to continue with what he’s doing to you.

Maybe it was your condition that made you closer to your orgasm faster than you normally expect it to be; moreover, you were certain that the fiery intensity that was forming inside your lower abdomen was a sign that you were nearing. Your head felt dizzier than earlier and your temples throbbed fervently because of the temperature of your body rising up. “Are you close, princess?”

Dean obviously had the smug smirk on his face even through with the shower disrupting your sight. He was confident because he knew your body well, how your instincts would act up when you were feeling certain things. In addition to that, he dragged his hand between your inner thighs and began to thumb down to your bud. “You can come, that’s definitely fine for me.”

Then you let out a scream and allowed yourself to release before him. Your fluids dripping down your thighs but the water immediately washed it down the drain before Dean could do anything else. He lets out a heavy sigh of relief when he felt his cock being covered with your warmth as you got down from it, this time it was you who knelt down for him, “My turn.”

His brow raised for a second as his chest was evidently trying to catch a breath yet couldn’t help but smile at the view.

#spnkinkbingo #Dean Winchester #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester smut #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester oneshot

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