#if you can guess what this story is referencing then you win a prize

[experiment31e]

My mother once told me a story...

-Experiment 31E, episode 1

[teabanksia]

Mr Schwartz

In 2022 when this song was first performed live prior to the album's release, I wrote this analysis of the lyrics. It's all on Genius lyrics as annotations but I wanted to put it permanently here in case it ever gets edited or deleted. My analysis was disproven by Matt Helders and Alex Turner themselves in this interview (4:40 onwards) however I believe it is still a decent interpretation. This will only be discussing Mr Schwartz through Delmore Schwartz.

Note that I wrote this 2 years ago and am barely editing it for this post, my 15 year old mind was not very smart, so it's clunky. I'm only posting this for myself.

Notable context: one of Alex Turner's playlists is titled "Del Schwartz" (short for Delmore Schwartz)

The song title and recurring character “Mr. Schwartz” makes reference to “Delmore Schwartz” an American poet. Delmore Schwartz had, according to his friends, gone into hiding for a year before dying alone from a heart attack as a result of his drugs and alcohol addiction.

The first line “Put your heavy metal to the test” is a play on words. A heavy metal test examines the levels of metal in your blood stream (e.g. mercury, arsenic). There is known to be metal contamination in illicit drugs (a recurring theme of the song is alcohol and drug usage, as seen in Mr. Schwartz, Delmore Schwartz’s death.

“There might be half a love song in it all for you.”

If you only write someone half a love song, you aren’t really that in love with them are you? This could also be critique on people looking to deep into lyrics, trying to find something about love to relate to, or want to relate to.

"Smudging dubbing on your dancing shoes."

This could be commentary on “fans” wanting Arctic Monkeys to return to their old sound (debut album track, Dancing Shoes) A lot of fans were taken back by the new direction of the band with Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino, and disappointed that The Car is a continuation of that. The audience thinks they’re entitled to what kind of music the band makes, but they wont (and can’t) make the same music forever. The line is talking about fans wanting them to return to their old style, which won’t happen.

"if we guess who I'm pretending to be do we win a prize? Having attempted twice both incorrectly do we get a third try?"

These lines talk about insecurity. The persona is masking himself to be someone else for the view of others.

However it could also be the complete opposite, that Alex is showing the real him, but people (the audience) insist on saying he isn’t, as if he’s “pretending and forcing himself to act to fit the perception of himself for others," when he is not. This could be commentary on how fans talk about him, acting as if they know him. They keep guessing incorrectly, because who he shows himself to be, is the real him.

The bridge: “If we guess who I’m pretending to be, do we win a prize? Having attempted twice, both incorrectly. Do we get a third try?” is written from the perspective of the audience.

"The gloved hands reaching in to hit the switch. There's not one god damn thing that you can do about it."

The line “hit the switch” is referring to the peripeteia (The point of no return, something that someone does which seals their fate, and are usually destined to die.) of this character’s story. “There’s not one god damn thing you can do about this” makes a referral to the characters peripeteia.

Given the references throughout the song to the poet Delmore Schwartz we can assume that this line is referring to over-use of drugs and alcohol. This line isn’t directly referencing Delmore Schwartz, and is instead is talking about anyone the narrator is close with (or not) struggling with these issues. There’s only so much you can do to help someone who has gone to deep, and instead your forced to watch that persons life get cut short. You can try to help, but in most cases it’s fruitless. The narrator struggles with the realization that there’s nothing he can do to help the inevitable, whether it be this, in relation to Delmore Schwartz, death as whole, or something else entirely.

This is basically a long winded and pretentious way of saying "I think the song is about Delmore Schwartz" that I wrote when I was 15. It's not good and it's a bit embarrassing to post here but I want to keep it up somewhere. Not looking for critique, I'd write it differently now.

[amusedunderclock]

Backlog: Talking About Movies - TSS (2021)

Originally I posted this somewhere else May 2023, but I'm trying to consolidate right now. Furthermore, when I originally posted to Tumblr, it's system didn't realize I'm talking about a MOVIE and not about anything personal. Because I don't need 4 private messages about mental health, I'm just posting the title screen and calling it "TSS". Moving on.

So I watched TSS 2021. That is the sequel to the 2016 movie, for clarity. I wasn’t motivated to watch it because of GotG 3’s release. I forgot that the Guardians movie was close to coming out when watching this one.

Preamble:

After Batman V. Superman, didn’t care much to see anything DC Comics movies outside of some online summaries. But after Endgame, there were a handful of movies from that brand coming out that seemed decent so I would eventually check them out. Such as TSS 2021.

“You can’t use summaries as a substitute for watching-” I don’t care.

Some think the 2016 movie’s whatever, but the only person I directly knew going to bat for that movie, was a major asshole. To me, the sequel stands or falls on it’s own merits.

When I heard James Gunn was making this, I was interested. Ultimately though, I guess it worked out for him since he now runs DC Comics media from this point forward. I didn’t see that coming. Don't expect much in terms of how I feel he's doing in that role. I don't feel the need to judge until about 2-3 movies into his reboot.

But where do I start with TSS? Overall, entertaining movie. Would rewatch.

Now…back in May, I said this:

"You want a point in DC Comics’ favor when it comes to movies? Well when it comes to their CGI, from what I’ve seen, it’s been consistently great. TSS is no exception. Everything blends together with the real world stuff very well. They did a good job there."

And while I stand by TSS having great CGI…The Flash has now come out. I have seen clips of that. That doesn't erase what good the DCEU has done in the past concerning CGI. But damn, being worried about future CGI from them is not unwarranted.

Obviously comparing TSS to Marvel stuff would make sense. TSS feels like it has a different tone. Maybe that’s just because of one company being more hands off, but idk how WB really operates. Kinda felt fresh to just have more varying and modern music playing in one of these superhero things.

What set it apart from the MCU was the R rating which…yeah it took advantage of that. TSS 2021 is violent, detailed, uncensored. Offset by it’s comedy. Frankly, it’s a funny movie. A lot of the comedy is the villains oblivious to common courtesies, or just uncaring in general. It works.

Think I saw some complaints about comic book accuracy. A complaint with all these superhero type movies. Look to be frank, most of the comics people are referencing for accuracy aren’t exactly Nobel Prize winning literature here. Even when they are notably well written, movies are only 2-3 hours while a comic story can span multiple issues.

That's what I wrote in May. Since then, all of twitter is nothing BUT complaining that these products not being comic accurate means that they're inherently bastardized, worthless, a crime against humanity, and will lead to their downfall. This line of thinking is just begging for someone to make a 110% comic accurate superhero movie that ultimately flops because people deem it too fuckin goofy, nonsensical, or just not that interesting as the hype suggested. I'm not saying all of comic history is bad or the comics didn't do some things better. And I'm not ignoring the MCU's storytelling flaws. But damn, The Spider-Verse movies aren't 1 to 1 accurate with the Spider-Verse comics and no one is complaining about that because they are well written. The Guardians trilogy took SEVERAL liberties, but is called peak despite them.

Comic accurate does not automatically equal well writen and never will. Hell, one of the most popular comic youtubers, Comics Explained, is a person who goes on for hours about entire comic arcs. And he outright criticized "X-Men: Days of Future Past". Saying something like "Yeah people like Days of Future Past , but that's just because they copy/pasted the story from the comics" and was hoping for something more original in future movies. And I don't agree with all of his takes, but if someone who dedicates this much time to comics is saying these things, I feel it's more valid than people on twitter who I can't confirm if they read the comics they're praising.

Back to what I said in May, TSS is good without being exactly like the comic. I don’t understand how Starro being mustache-twirly evil would improve the film short of nerds checking off a list of comic accuracy. And him being Death Battle fuckin "He can blink the universe out of existence" powerful is outright nonsensical. Starro was good for what it was.

Interpretation needs to happen sometimes. That said, actors.

This is the first time I’ve seen Margot Robbie’s Harley Quinn. It’s not entirely like TV versions, but she made it her own and it works. She was in the role for 6 years, it’s probably expected she knows what she’s doing.

Idris Elba, he’s always been a cool actor. Not entirely something I've publicly talked much about on the internet short of him playing Knuckles and I think Heimdall, but he has good performances. Him being the main character was a good choice. Replacing Will Smith? Yeah, but unlike Smith, Elba is more willing to add more grit to his villain character and it's greatly appreciated.

Cena Peacemaker works here. You really do forget he’s a wrestler and for once in about 20 years, he plays a decent heel. Apparently this is a controversial statement, but I guess I've just not seen Cena all that much in the past decade to really focus on his past during the movie…..

…which is what I said last year.

In 2024, after seeing his lacking comments on Vince McMahon, I don't feel much need to praise him or focus on him in the future. Someone put it aptly.

How his Peacemaker solo series went, I have no idea and now I don't care. If he comes back in the reboot, I can at least see why but I still don't care. Harley and Waller tho? They should be priority to return. Especially those two. They're just THAT great.

The rest of the team are convincing enough as villains.

Although…Ratcatcher 2.

Don’t get me wrong. She is a good actor. It makes sense that she’s in jail for her crimes. But like, remove the rat communicator and isn’t she just a person? Can someone else use the communicator?

I don’t think that’s explained. My attempts to google didn’t answer that. If there’s some TSS interview explaining that the Ratcatcher family can only use the communicator, cool. Otherwise, I question how she’s on the Squad to begin with unless they're (likely) short on villains.

To anyone who may take this out of context, Ratcatcher 2 is a good character, good for stealth, & the payoff in the end is great. Just seems like she wasn’t exactly a nemesis of Green Arrow or something. I feel in another context, the communicator, more than the person, would've been Waller's priority.

Like I said, Amanda Waller is solid. Davis really read that character description and said “Easy”. Her character should show up more in future movies beyond TSS.

Rest of the cast is good. Even if they’re still fucked up for betting on lives, I liked Waller’s people turning on her in order to save a city.

Think only thing left to say is that the story for what it is, comes together nicely. These people are not the Avengers/Justice League, they’re forced to work together and are convicted criminals. The interactions they have feel unique as a result, and not everything works out.

Even some of the dead characters in this movie do have development. They do advance/achieve as characters even if it does cost them their lives. Plus it's a cool movie when it has people both cheering that a monster is defeated, and then has you feeling bad for said monster.

I said this movie should stand on it's own merits and it does. TSS 2021 is a great standalone movie. Usually I would sit here and talk about broader lore, but it's unnecessary. Aside from maybe the Captain Boomerang thing, you can just go into this movie and enjoy.

[comfy-whumpee]

Angels

Taglist: @iaminamoodymoodtoday, @wildfaewhump, @ishouldblogmore, @lektric-whump, @raigash, @paingineering, @whumpywhumper

And a special thanks to @that-one-thespian whose Zuriel is referenced here.

Amelie and Matt and Rishi and Maria and—

“I won’t ask you to tell me. Of course, I want to know. I think anyone would.”

There is never safety never trust never anyone who would just—

“What must the world be like after so long? I can hardly imagine.”

He can’t stay why did he think he could stay—

“Mr North? You look pale.”

Northlight jerks back to the present moment, ears ringing, head swimming with panic. He tips to the left, scrapes his cheek against the wallpaper, and throws back again to the right. Miss Thompson watches him with a gentle frown of concern, turning her teacup back and forth on her saucer.

“I’m sure you won’t oblige me. There must be such great reasons why it cannot be allowed. It would trouble the flow of things, I think.”

She is still talking, thinking aloud, filling the silent gaps as he swings with agitation.

“Mr North, please. Marcel. You are quite safe here. I am sorry to have worried you.”

He should have lied like he lied about his name and age and where he was from and why he wanted to talk to a random chambermaid in a random town in middle England for an afternoon and she may have guessed something odd about him from the start but she was willing to talk to him anyway, and it had been a simple slip of the tongue, a we where he meant they, and suddenly…

“You did say you were a traveller,” Mrs Thompson tells him gently. “I always knew of magic, since my leg was healed by a wise woman.”

Healing, she wants healing. That’s what she expects, that’s what she knows. She wants his blood. They always want his blood. He swings again, and for a moment he hangs in the balance, almost tipping over.

“Mr North, I’m not sure that you’re hearing me. I mean to say your secret is safe with me. I’ll never tell another soul, Lord be my witness. Sometimes angels come in disguise.”

That gives Northlight pause, so out of reach of his normal expectations that he blinks at her.

Mrs Thompson is a round, stout woman with strong arms and red cheeks, and dark hair tied back in a bun that has started to shed. She could pick him up and hoist him over one shoulder. That was most of the reason he chose to speak to her. That, and because she was sitting alone.

But now she thinks he’s an angel, or something like one. Come down to test humans for their - what, hospitality, like the old days?

Nobody from the cult would ever say something like that. To the cult, Northlight is the body, the creature, the demon with gifts that humanity deserves to plunder and ply.

“Please, finish your meal,” Mrs Thompson says. She fed them without knowing who they were. In the stories of secret angels, that means she wins a prize. It’s a shame he has nothing to give her.

He eats.

“What was I saying before. Oh, yes, the wise woman. She’d been in my village my whole life, living just on the outside of it. Never had reason to visit until that winter when I got the damp in my bones. Some things doctors are good for, but wise women, they have secret ways. She fixed me in a few weeks. Exercise, rest, the food she said, and some manner of massage. I was as good as new when the spring melt came.”

A story to tell. She has given him a gift. She’s really got this backwards, hasn’t she? Northlight is not the angel here.

“You have a kind soul,” he tells her, prompted by the urge to do something nice for her after all that she’s shown him.

She pauses mid-sentence, and her blush deepens. “Thank you, Mr North. I will take that as truth, as it comes from you.”

He eats the last bite of his meal. There are two strips of dried meat in his pocket and two apples tucked into his coat. He stands, deciding he can leave her with one more gift.

“When you feel yourself weak or helpless,” he tells her quietly, “know that I will watch over you with love and care. I cannot protect you from every misfortune, but I will be there always to ensure all comes right in the end.”

She places a hand on her cheek, stunned by this promise. “I… For a meal as simple as this?”

“For your kindness,” Northlight tells her, and bows low. With the swing of his descent, he finds crack of time to slip through, and disappears before her eyes.

When he opens his own, he sees the meadow, flowers of all colours speckled over lush grass. He smiles, takes the view of the sun, and starts heading towards where the cottage will be.

It’s a lovely walk, and he knows he will not need the food he rationed, so he eats both apples on the way. Sun illuminates the colours around him and warms his skin. He even pushes locks of greasy hair back from his face, letting his scar touch the sun’s rays. There is nobody here to take him for the cult.

When he reaches the cottage, he knocks on the door without hesitation. It takes some time before it opens, but it does. It always does.

Northlight is knocked to the ground by a huge white dog, who sets about cuddling him ferociously. With both arms around her neck, he manages to get his face free long enough to smile at the friend standing in the doorway, hair golden and smile true, lit as if by his own personal sun.

Guardian angels are real. Northlight gets to his feet and accepts the hug that’s waiting for him.

[xebecatt2002]

Mythological references in 'Chariots of War', part 1

In this episode Xena and Gabrielle face the warlord Cycnus and, you guessed it, some war chariots.

There are a few different men in Greek Mythology each with their own myth. The one that this episode is based on is Cycnus, the son of Ares and Pelopia or Pyrene. He was a warrior/bandit who challenge anyone he met on the road to a chariot race. Each time he defeated his challenger, he killed them and removed their heads so he could use the skulls to build a temple dedicated to his father, the god of war, Ares.

One of the earliest versions of this myth is found in ‘The Shield of Heracles’ which is credited to the poet Hesiod. Hesiod is one of the earliest Greek poets, though the exact date of his life is debated, it is generally believed to be somewhere around 750 and 650 BC.

The poem features the origins of Heracles before moving onto the confrontation between the hero and Cycnus. Hesiod begins the encounter with both sides preparing for battle alongside their drivers, filled with the desire to claim the prize of their foes armour. Claiming the armour of your fallen foes bestowed much prestige to the victor. Descriptions of the arms and armour heroes carried into battle features at the centre of many ancient works such as this. The description of Heracles’ highly decorative shield is the focal point of Hesiod’s work, hence its title.

Heroes are often depicted in myth riding into battle on chariots assisted by a companion who would act as a driver. Once the hero found an opponent he would disembark and engage the enemy on foot in one-on-one combat. Examples of this are found throughout ancient epics like Homer’s ‘The Illiad’. Hesiod includes the same with both warriors riding into battle with help. Heracles is aided by Iolau,s who acts as his driver, while Cycnus is accompanied by his father Ares.

After an initial clash with their chariots during which Heracles attempts to persuade Cycnus to stand down and let him pass, they both jump down from their chariots and engage in combat.

‘Then it was that from their well-woven cars they both leaped straight to the ground, the son of Zeus and the son of the Lord of War.’ - Hesiod

Cycnus is no match for Heracles and he is slain by the hero. Upon seeing the death of his son, Ares becomes enraged and seeks to avenge him. He rushes to attack Heracles who stands firm and unafraid of the god of War. Athene tries to intervene and get Ares to back off but he continues his attack. Unafraid, Heracles wounds the god, striking Ares in his thigh, forcing him to return to Olympus.

Athene, Heracles, Zeus, Cycnus and Ares. Attic black-figured amphora, ca. 550/30 BC. From Kameiros in Rhodes. Photographer/Source Jastrow (2006)

In some versions of the myth, Heracles encountered Cycnus during his famous labours. Cycnus challenges the hero and prevents him from continuing his quest. Again, Cycnus is defeated and Ares in his grief stands off against Heracles except it is Zeus that intervenes and breaks up their duel with his thunderbolt.

‘So Heracles proceeded on his way, until he arrived at the River Echedoros, where Cycnos, the son of Ares and Pyrene, challenged him to single combat […] to avenge him, Ares too engaged him in single combat, but a thunderbolt was hurled between the two combatants, bringing the fight to an end’- Apollodorus

Zeus tries to part Cycnus and Heracles Attic black-figured amphora, ca. 545/30 BC. Photographer/Source Jastrow (2006)

After reading the myth of Cycnus you may be wondering why they based a Xena: Warrior Princess episode on a myth regarding one of Heracles’ adventures. The Xena Warrior Podcast gives us the answer in episode 01 of their podcast. In it they review the episode and discuss in depth various elements including the origins of the story. They mention that it was originally penned as and episode for Xena’s parent show Hercules: The Legendary Journeys which is based on the adventures of the Greek hero Heracles (though they use his Roman name Hercules). Reading Hesiod’s version of the myth it you can see how easily the story can be adapted into an episode of Hercules as not only is the character of Iolaus featured helping the hero, but there is also the rivalry between Hercules and Ares.

I really recommend listening to the podcast as they raise some interesting points about how this effects the story. This being originally a Hercules idea confirms that the myth this episode is referencing is that of Cycnus, son of Ares.

One of the major differences, aside from Xena, is that Cycnus is not a demi-god in the episode. Unlike his mythic counterpart he is portrayed as a warlord praying on a simple village. This decision could be based on the writers trying to differentiate this show from its ‘big brother’, focusing more on the human element rather than the divine. Yet they still include a strong link to the God of War without including him as a physical character.

Cycnus in the episode is a warlord totally dedicated to Ares. In the character’s introductory scene with his son Sphareus references to Ares dominate the dialogue.

Sphaerus: “Hello, Father.”

Cycnus: “You’re growing more powerful, my son. Ares will be pleased.”

Sphaerus: “My warrior education is complete. I am ready to take your place.”

Cycnus: [Laughs] “Nah-- there’s still something missing-- the desire to kill.”

Sphaerus: “You’re wrong. Today, I killed a great warrior in the belly.”

Cycnus: “Who?”

Sphaerus: “She fell before I could ask her name.”

Cycnus: “A woman, ha-ha! You think that would impress the god of war?”

Cycnus straight away comes across as an overbearing father who has a deep devotion for his chosen God. Though Ares is not shown to be the father of Cycnus, there is still a fatherly connection in the way Cycnus uses the god to parent his own child. Here he doesn’t talk to his son directly in regard to his fatherly opinion of what Sphaerus has achieved, instead Cycnus passes Ares’ judgement. The line ‘You think that would impress the god of war?’ can easily translate as ‘do you think that would impress me, your father?’. The allusion of Ares as a fatherly figure is continued later when Cycnus orders his son to kill the villagers.

Cycnus: “And kill them all-- Make me proud of you, my son. Make Ares proud, huh? Make sure he kills them all.”

By referencing the god as a paternal influence, he becomes a second fatherly figure to Spheraus and alludes to the original myth of Ares helping his son Cycnus.

The relationship between the warlord and his son is one of main storylines of this episode. This maybe due to the original myth and this episode initially being planned as a Hercules episode. The character of Cycnus could easily have been Ares himself. Like Ares, he is trying to aid his son in combat by instructing him on the ways of war and inspiring Sphaerus’ blood lust. He also shares elements of the god’s temperament in response to the death of his elder son, Stentor. In hearing that it was Xena that interrupted the meeting, he storms off seeking vengeance against the Warrior Princess and to avenge the murder of his son much like the mythic Ares reacts at the death of his son Cycnus.

Perhaps the earlier Hercules idea had Cycnus instead of Sphaerus as the reluctant son, and Ares as the overbearing father. If you change the characters the plot still works and would tie in closer with the original myth with Cycnus seeking to impress his father and Ares defeated being defeated by Hercules. This plot would also have Hercules reform Cycnus instead of kill him which nicely modifies the myth to fit with the series’ overall themes.

Returning to Xena’s Cycnus he continues to bring up Ares in this opening dialogue with his son. He also gives us an alternative connection between the god of war and the warlord when he challenges Sphaerus.

Sphaerus: “But she was a--”

Cycnus: “The honor of keeping Ares’ horses falls to the mightiest warrior. He will not choose you merely because you’re my son. You must _prove_ yourself worthy.”

This line suggests that Cycnus has been given the task of looking after Ares’ horses which connects with the work of Hesiod. The writer uses the epithet ‘horse-taming’ (Shield of Heracles, 344) to describe Cycnus just as he drives his chariot towards Heracles. The writer also mentions the horses of Ares being depicted on the decorated shield of Heracles.

‘And on the shield stood the fleet-footed horses of grim Ares made of Gold, and deadly Ares the spoil-winner himself.’ Hesiod 191-193

The line in the episode could be a literal interpretation of these mythic elements in order build up Cycnus’ warlord character without making him a demi-god. It is possible that Cycnus is being literal here, that he has been entrusted with Ares’ horses, although more it is more likely that he has been intrusted with an army by Ares as one of his chosen warlords. This comes up throughout the series with Ares offering command to other warlords and most importantly tries to win back Xena to lead his army. As a side point, It is interesting to note that a few episodes later in ‘The Reckoning’ Ares will make his first appearance physically in either series, played by the wonderful Kevin Smith, and attempts to lure Xena back to her warlord ways. (Maybe Ares was trying to fill the vacancy caused by Cycnus’ death though this is just a wandering thought.)

Though Cycnus in Xena does not build a temple to his father from his defeated enemies, he does share his bloodthirsty nature in honouring the god of war. Later in the episode he is frustrated by his son’s inability to wipe out the villagers.

Sphaerus: “I am.”

Cycnus: “Yeah, why haven’t you conquered this valley yet? These farmers dishonor the god of war with their peaceful ways. Strike them down. If your brother Stentor were alive--”

These villagers are refugees from Troy (yup the one famous for the Wooden horse, I’ll cover the myths surrounding the Trojan War in another post). We learn later when the village leader Tynus confronts Darius about his decision to care for the injured Xena that they have taken a vow of peace.

Tynus: “We have to talk. Why is that woman still here? She’s not one of us, Darius. She fights. You’ve seen that with your own eyes. Her kind make enemies. She’ll have to leave your home.”

Darius: “No, she saved my son. She’s a guest in my home until she’s well.”

Tynus: “There’s talk, Darius. Your house has been without a woman for a long time. But, but this is not the answer. By keeping her here, you break your oath.”

Darius: “What oath have I broken, Tynus?”

Tynus: “To live only for peace.”

Darius: “To care for a wounded woman is not an act of war.”

Tynus: “She lied to you. Other people have heard of this woman. She’s no warrior. She’s a murderer, a killer.”

Darius: “As soon as she’s able to ride, she’ll leave.”

Tynus: “Good. You know, I hope, for your sake, she recovers quickly.”

Tynus is fearful of Xena not just because of her reputation but because she physically represents the violence that they have fled. Refusing to help her is symbolic of their rejection of anything related to violence and the elements related to Ares in his role as the God of war. It is this rejection which Cycnus sees as being dishonourable to the God of War and believes that shedding their blood will restore it, much like the mythic Cycnus uses the skulls of his enemies to build a temple to honour his father.

They also dishonour Ares by challenging the aspects of war in other, peaceful ways which is reflected in Darius’ treatment of Xena. Her armour is one way that she symbolizes violence and warfare. Feeling that her outfit would be inappropriate to wear to the peace meeting, he asks her instead to wear one of his wife’s dresses. The dress gives her the appearance of a peaceful village woman, quite possibly what she would have become if she had not picked up a sword (We see this possibility in Season Two’s ‘Remember Nothing’). She is therefore symbolically leaving behind the elements of the warrior to don the peaceful role as village wife, taking her another step away from Ares’ realm of war. Also, by asking her to change her appearance Darius is trying to maintain physical peace not only between the villagers and Cycnus’ men by removing her threating appearance, but also is trying to keep the figurative peace between Xena and the other villagers who are intimidated by what she represents.

There is a few other points you can make about the symbolism of the dress though as they don’t directly connect to the mythology of the episode I’ll put them aside for another post dedicated to that topic. The mythological references of this episode will continue in part two. Thanks again for reading!

Sources:

Hesiod, The Shield of Heracles

Apollodorus, The Library

Vase photos: Taken from Hellenicaworld.com

Episode transcript: Woosh.org

Screencaptures: Made by myself

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Kasa Obake

Debut: ???

Despite everything, I wasn’t really planning to do another yōkai post after the Gashadokuro, but you know what? I can’t help myself! I’ve got so much to say and this is my only outlet for that! I mean not be an expert, but dang if I’ve got passion! So even though I’ve touched on them once before, here they are with an encore performance: the Kasa Obake! Please give them a round of applause!

But first: What the heck does “Kasa Obake” even mean? Kasa is the Japanese name for an umbrella or a parasol, and obake means... well, ghoul, monster, ghost, goblin, take your pick! (It’s a vague term, like yōkai, but strictly speaking it means “changing thing”!) Of course, in this case we have a karakasa, or a traditional paper umbrella, which gives them the alternate names of Karakasa Obake or Karakasa Kōzo (kid)!

The Kasa Obake might just be one of the most quintessential yōkai, and it’s quite easy to understand why- a one-legged, one-eyed paper umbrella monster who hops around like a pogo stick? Instantly charming! Instantly spooky! Sign me up!

They’re also (sometimes) a lovely example of a tsukumogami, one of my favorite classifications of anything ever! In short: a cherished object that lives to around 100 years old gains a fresh new soul and becomes a yōkai of their very own! Yes, while Pokémon fans have been complaining about object monsters for a long time, the Japanese have been relishing in them for centuries! Take that!

But alas! Like the Gashadokuro, the Karakasa’s origins may be a bit misleading! Though not quite as recent, the Kasa Obake is more or less considered a “made-up” yōkai, appearing somewhere around the late 19th century, without any legends, stories, or, well... anything to its name!

But again, I just think that speaks for its charm! Those Japanese artists from 300 years ago may not have invented this paper umbrella ghost, but I’m sure they wish they did! They’re iconic, they’re easy to draw, and people can’t get enough of them! And damn right, I say! We should stop trying to make Halloween costumes sexy and just dress up as umbrellas every year. They can’t stop us all!

A big force in making the one-legged Karakasa as popular as it is today came from Obake Karuta, a variation of the popular Karuta game from the 19th and early 20th century- rather than using famous poems or common idioms, it had a deck full of Funny Monsters! It was basically one of the first examples of categorising and marketing as many Funny Monsters as possible, so it’s pretty much the great grandpappy of all Funny Monster Games! In a sense, we might owe this blog to Obake Karuta to some extent!

(Speaking of Obake Karuta it’s also one of the few appearances of the Shumoku Musume who really has nothing to do with this post but she's another favorite of mine)

Anyway! As Funny Monster related media continues to grow and expand, so has the Kasa Obake’s grasp on popular culture! Movies, cartoons, games, they really have it all! No media can resist their allure! So once again, under the cut, some fictional Kasa Obake! (as opposed to regular Kasa Obake, which are real)

Did you know? Yokai Monsters: 100 Monsters is one of the best films ever made. Of course, that’s judging purely by the number of monsters, I haven’t seen it myself, but how many movies do you know that have 100 monsters? Not many, I assume!

Look at this guy! Not only is he fantastic, but that’s some really cool puppetry, too!

2005′s The Great Yokai War, which was kind of a spiritual successor to Yokai Monsters, also features a Karakasa as the comic relief character, and I can’t think of anything better to be comic relief! Hollywood take note!

(from Obscure Video Games on Tumblr)

Naturally, we see plenty Kasa Obake in the many, many GeGeGe no Kitaro adaptations! 

They look quite different with every appearance, but my favorite would have to be Shigeru Mizuki’s original illustration- I mean, you can’t beat that cheeky little smirk!

Then there’s Pallysol, from Yo-Kai Watch! Of course, they had to make it clear that this guy is a pal, objectively, like Pal from Pac and Pal. I feel like as far as cutesy Karakasa designs go, this one’s nearly perfect!

What’s that? A mobile game variant of Pallysol, based on a disposable umbrella with a little rain boot? Don’t mind if I do! This is probably like, the peak of monster design. This is what the Kasa Obake was born for. 

This here Touhou is a Karakasa... I guess? Hm... If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this is just a girl! 

Look, I respect Touhou! Some of my best friends are Touhous! I’m certainly partial to an anime girl every now and then! But, it’s more or less my creed that you shouldn’t make a boring human character when a funny monster would offer so much more!

See, now isn’t that way more pleasing to the eyes? Er... eye?

The Ghostbusters mobile game has a very cool Karakasa design that I wanted to mention. Did you know there’s a Ghostbusters mobile game? Neither did I!

Uh oh, Nioh! He’s quite scary, but look at him dance! He’s so happy! 

The Jackbox game Tee KO features a whole roster of funny yokai to pick, including (but not limited to) a Karakasa looking to win the prize money and open his very own sandal shop! Look how adorable! As objectively the best character, the real aim of the game is to be the first to pick him. This one is named Taco, I guess.

Oh, you won’t fool me this time Touhou! This is a girl and I know it!

Jumpershoot, a midboss from Kirby’s Dream Land 2 and 3, is about as Karakasa as a Karakasa can get! But with one of Kirby’s main abilities being a Parasol, it’s a wonder why they’ve barely appeared since! For shame, HAL!

Ah well, at least the Kirby Twitter artwork gives them some love, right? Though, what hasn’t the Kirby Twitter referenced at this point?

Well, that’s about it! That’s pretty much all the Kasa Obake I can think to talk about, though probably not all the ones that exist. If you’ve got a Karakasa of your own to share, hit us up! I swear I've gotten all my yōkai juices out of my system, and I’ll never subject you guys to a post like this again! Unless you want me to...?

Actually, I can’t shake the feeling I’m forgetting something. Wasn’t there another series I liked, which also had a Karakasa...? Hm...

[punninglyswift]

I could stay.

Every album has come at the perfect time in my life when I needed it most and because of that the albums make me remember those times, maybe just in flashes, but even if it’s a not so great flashback, I look back on it with happiness and that I genuinely believe is thanks to you, @taylorswift

Since I was a sophomore in high school when Red came out I think I really can explain what I said above for the past 3 albums more clearly...but it goes for debut through Speak Now as well. Let’s do each album, shall we?

Taylor Swift - the album had been released a bit by the time I heard songs from it. I was performing in my school’s talent show and this meant 2 performances because my very catholic elementary school made us audition to see if what we were doing was appropriate and to plan out the order I guess. I was playing classical piano, which I’ve done since I was 3. There was a girl named Carly who was 2 years older than me and she was auditioning with a song I’d never heard. It was called Our Song and it was catchy as HELL. (My fifth grade self knew what was UP) She sounded great too, so she got into the talent show but rumor had it they didn’t want the word “kiss” in a song that was to be performed (remember the “very catholic” part? Yup.) - so I heard another catchy as hell song but this time it was one where my mind AND my heart went, “wow....that’s how I feel about life” and it’s still accurate to the way I feel about that PERFECT song today: that song was A Place in this World. I was going into middle school. Middle school, high school...we can all agree we see their problems...bullying is unfortunately real. With your self titled debut album I finally had songs I discovered on my own, nothing against the music my brothers always played for me (Coldplay, Green Day, the Foo Fighters, The Lonely Island - yes I’m on a BOAT, motherf****** I’m sorry I get really into it) - I had anthems thanks to you, I also thought HARD about love cause even at that age I crushed on guys a lot but all in my head because boys are weird. Still are. Onto Fearless....

Fearless. Soon after the talent show, I mean a year or two, my mom got me Fearless after a piano jury. I flipped through the lyric booklet. It was like reading a prize winning book. (Ayyy Grammys foreshadowing) and the SONGS...I was in middle school. 7th grade I believe...and guys would play stupid but hurtful pranks on me and I had a great group of friends but the hurt definitely got to me...but I had an album telling me that yeah sure- “they might be bigger, but we’re faster and never scared..you can walk away, say we don’t need this; but something in your eyes says we can beat this”. I had an album that gave me a song my mom and i smile so big during cause without my mom and without our little mom & daughter trips downtown (dc) or to New York in the holidays, or just taking a walk or browsing in random stores, I don’t know where I’d be but I know my happiness wouldn’t exist. I again had anthems as well as slower songs that taught me about love. And little did I know Fifteen would be THAT song I needed for the high school journey that was growing closer and closer.

Speak Now. That powerful fairytale of an album written entirely only by you, Taylor. I was about to enter high school - an all girls high school. Also around this time I started watching SNL every week thanks to your time as host AND musical guest during the Fearless era and watching that show is a favorite Saturday night activity now. I used to (i still kinda do this) have to convince myself whatever feelings i felt re: mainly crushes were valid instead of just thinking they were. I always thought I was being irrational. I’d think up scenarios in my mind of spilling the feelings and having it go perfectly. Those scenarios never happened in real life. I guess I told myself I wasn’t good enough for whoever I liked to like me back. Unfortunately that mindset still exists...I tend to go, well this kind of guy would never...and it hurts. And I’m hurting myself by doing that. So Speak Now was the epitome of you, Taylor, being the person who can perfectly illustrate whatever feelings we all have, but using your own examples. I’d need TED talks on feelings and owning your heart and Speak Now was that 24/7 TED talk. Especially with Enchanted. “The words I held back” there are so many words I want to say to honestly every guy I’ve had an actual crush on. (I specify “actual” because one of the first crushes I had turned out to be a douchebag! Fun!!!) and then again with Mean, that helped me and still does when I encounter bullies. I encountered bullies (and cyberbullies! FUN!!) in middle & high school a LOT. But I did grow to be “big enough so they can’t hit me” - I’m still quite short, but you get my point. And Never Grow Up was again a reality check for me growing up, and the lyrics were so real that sometimes I couldn’t listen to it when it came on shuffle or on the CD because sometimes you can’t deal with that reality. But it’s a favorite song and I’m forever grateful it exists. Long Live is the song that is a full on letter to the friends and family members who have helped me grow and become who I am and weren’t temporary and didn’t make me feel bad about myself. They all have crowns in my opinion. (Lover - Out August 23) Speak Now was also the first TOUR of yours I attended and I remember being speechless seeing you rise out of the stage. And hearing your voice telling me “I don’t think you should wait, I think you should speak Now” - truly those words are the reason I have in the past several years told guys how I’ve felt. It’s never worked out but telling them lifted weights off my shoulders and it’s never been a negative experience. Seeing that tour live in all its theatrical, magical goodness made me the happiest person ever.

Red. I have a weirdly clear memory of driving to target with a friend after school let out in 2012 to buy a copy of Red before rehearsals started for Hairspray, the show we were doing that fall. I didn’t have a way to listen to it at school yet so I just kinda held it and stared at it. True story. To me, Red was the Speak Now that dealt with bullies and was better for it and came out stronger than ever. Red again was like wow does Taylor know exactly what I’m feeling? It wasn’t even a QUESTION. I Almost Do - again with the speaking now. And the line in Treacherous - “I can’t decide if it’s a choice, getting swept away” is everything I feel all the time SWEPT into a BEAUTIFUL SENTENCE. And with your words since the very first album I’ve felt like wow she seems like my best friend. And it’s beautiful.

1989. While it goes for every album, this was the first time I remember having a lightbulb moment of holy crap I needed this album at this moment as a 17 year old driving to college with my mom. At least..i heard Shake It Off while attempting to listen to the livestream on my phone. That’s kinda what college is, or what it can be - shaking it off, a new you but the same you. Literally though - you shaped that beautiful album around finding yourself when you didn’t have to necessarily in love in a big city. My city was Chicago, but the sentiments are the same. (Go ramblers!!!) It was tough, adapting to a big school and making all new friends - and I didn’t really have an actual group of friends until sophomore year. Now I can’t get rid of them and that’s the best thing, I love em with my whole heart. 1989 still helped me be like oh these feelings are valid, and like “god I’ve felt that way more than once...thank goodness for Taylor” - referencing specifically I Wish You Would - cause I didn’t have in depth conversations about anything like that with anyone. 1989 gave me dancy, positive, self confident vibes and I rode that positivity train through college.

reputation. Speaking of riding a positivity train through college...there were low points along that journey. reputation came in 2017, during my senior year of college. Going out into the “real world”. The year before was 2016 - a year that gave me unforgettable study abroad experiences and honestly helped me grow so much in happiness and in general - I actually spent that summer canvassing and phone banking for Hillary Clinton, I was so fired up. That fire went out for a brief, heartbreaking moment in November 2016. I cried all night, and then each night after that for 3 days; sometimes calling my mom and grandma, sometimes just remembering how hopeful I was. And how far it felt like we had to go. The fire came back, and I was angry but empowered. Cue senior year. I was taking all the classes I loved and writing kickass papers about political violence as well as the amazing book Gabriel by Georges Sand which challenges gender norms, and I felt ready but also not ready for whatever was next after graduation come May 2018. November 2017, réputation came into our lives. Like 1989, it was a well rounded story I needed to propel me through whatever came next, but different...I knew I needed to have more of a “take no shit” attitude and rep really helped me with that. Hell, I definitely credit listening to I Did Something Bad on my way to a morning class with helping me be brave enough to raise my hand because I KNEW what I had to say and I KNEW it was good enough and I just HAD TO be BRAVE enough to say it. “I’m doing better than I ever was...” = same way I felt and honestly that’s in a large part thanks to you.

So now I’m not in school anymore, I graduated in May 2018, and I’m still trying to find a place in this world. I live with some of my best friends in Chicago, I’m trying to work on a campaign soon, currently working retail at a crafty store, and when I don’t think I’m going anywhere I remember that I have to own who I am and embrace my creativity and my passions - and take the occasional break to help plan my friend’s 23rd birthday party which has themed everything so gotta get to work on that. And Lover? There’s NO doubt in my mind it will be any different in terms of coming at the perfect time in my life. And I know this: it’ll be magical. Thank you Taylor. Sorry this is an actual essay, I love you always.

- Isabelle

@taylorswift

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Wed 20 Feb

Liam at the Brits, Louis in the streets and Niall in the, wait no, on twitter!

So news from the Brits is... not great. Liam presented an award but didn't win in his category, Louis' managers were there to support another client while Louis was very much elsewhere, and what Liam hype we got as part of the broadcast was referencing the Laomi talk. Depressing as hell but I will remind y'all that Liam was only able to be beaten by actual sabotage by Little Mix fans promoting fake hashtags, which is also depressing, but I hope he knows he would have had it in a fair contest. The whole thing is pretty heartbreaking honestly.

Louis met fans out front of the Syco office with his tea and cigarette and we got video of him being his charming and cheerful flamboyant self, wearing a cozy jumper that said 'your total self' on it. It's all of 20 seconds but is a blessing whatever the length or context. Of interest to anyone who may be struggling with themselves over the leak, a fan mentions the song and he looks very serious and says, "you mean you listened?!" but when, dismayed, she scrambles to respond he just laughs at her and says, "I'm just joking! Of course you did!" He's so mean, I love him. Would YOU like to hang out with Louis over some tea? Trick question duh yes you would, well maybe you can! The privilege (or stressful possibility depending on your perspective) of having Louis see and speak to you over breakfast is being offered as a prize in a Comic Relief fundraising effort, you just have to purchase an entry (and, uh, a plane ticket to London for some unknown date) and you might be able to have a well-monitored breakfast with Louis! Probably worth every bit but only one lucky fan can win, though at least they get to bring an emotional support person along.

Anyway, even on this day of mixed feelings, Niall is a beacon of snarky joy, continuing to just absolutely kill on the social media, delivering zingers left and right. Today when asked if he had any modeling gigs lined up he says, "the next 314 days of the year" like, SNAP babe! Tell it! Recognizing his status as an influencer (and model) his iconic lilac pants have been made available for purchase, and dictionary.com responded to a request to rename the color 'Niallac.' I mean they responded by saying no, but still.

Meanwhile in the tabloids, they're really leaning on weird stories about Zayn and Liam not liking each other for some reason right now? No idea what brought this on, but it's a thing that's happening. No actual news or facts seem to be involved. And an article came out today about a DJ who interviewed Louis a year ago who wants to talk, now, about being threatened by fans for asking about Freddie. The article ends with, do you have a story you would like to sell? Hmm, is this a clue as to why we might be seeing this at this time? Of course many feel we're seeing it as a result of Syco manipulations and that's certainly highly possible- if nothing else they don't seem to be attempting to squash it. Well it wouldn't be a Louis promo cycle without attempts to demonize the fans so HEY HO LET'S GO I guess this show is officially On The Road Again!

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Life Story #4 Thoughts Part 1: Doc Ock Disservice

In retrospect issue #1 of this series was a mixed bag, issue #2 was bad, issue #3 was hot trash and now issue #4 is...

 Well...it depends.

See I usually try my best to write these basically as soon as I’ve read an issue. However a trip to my LCS and back is at least a 2 hour round trip and I had to head into work practically immediately after getting back. Consequently I’m writing this several hours later than I would have liked.

My initial gut feeling during and immediately after reading the issue was that this was a mixed bag. But ruminating on it more it’s gone down yet further in my eyes.

Maybe I’m not diving deep enough into it but my gut feelings on this (which is what these posts are, they’re not reviews where I try to be more actively analytical rather than ‘free style’ it) it’s...not AS bad as prior issues; issue #3 being the absolute nadir thus far.

Perhaps that is due to now knowing how messed up this series is I knew what I was getting into and what to expect thus I was less aghast by what I saw. Perhaps it was the fact that this issue, unlike issue #3, didn’t slap my intelligence in the face with asinine historical politics and the most aggressively stupid attempt to homage my fav Spidey tale, KLH.

However some of my...I don’t know the right term...my feeling less disdainfulness, towards this issue might stem from Peter’s age.

See when you do the math canon Peter Parker’s lifespan can be viewed as encompassing the amount of time covered in issues #1-3, that is to say ages 15-mid 30s. Thus there was a certain degree of precedence involved, a certain roadmap for us to compare LF Peter to.

But in this issue Peter is around 48 years old. This is well beyond the age of canon Peter Parker and only AU versions of the character have ever approached that age and being AUs they aren’t great sources for comparison. The closest thing we have is MC2 Peter Parker who was in his early 40s and different in his attitude and outlook to LF Peter. However that could be due to being younger, having his family and being retired for 10+ years thus making him more positive towards the prospect of being Spider-Man.

LF Peter is fed up, tired and wants to stop being Spider-Man. Any of the old enjoyment he ever derived from it is long gone. As is apparently his desire to remain ‘relevent’. Guess he got over that early mid-life crisis he went through in issue #3. You know that mid-life crisis that led to him using an alien performance enhancer that was allegedly addictive.

Actually more than a few of this issue’s problems can be owed to older issues, and specifically issue #3.

First of all...so America is still around. Um...yeah wasn’t there a war with Russia happening last issue? Wasn’t there a nuclear arms race that was hotter than the Cold War ever was in real life?

I suppose given how utterly unrealistic it was that Russia nuked an American town and then nuclear Armageddon didn’t ensue in issue #3, this issue is consistent in it’s boneheaded lack of realism.

And it does offer an explanation. Tony Stark’s weapons ended the war.

...Okay...we need to talk about this again and this time I’m going to spell it out.

So there has been no end of speculative fiction presenting stories revolving around a world where historical events happened differently.

A common example, embodied by the acclaimed show Man in the High Castle, is ‘What if the Axis powers won WWII’.

Life Story has at various turns presented real life historical events but injected superheroes in them whilst also showing them playing out differently.

Iron Man, Giant Man and Captain America went to Vietnam.

Captain America went rogue in Vietnam.

The Vietnam War lasted longer than in real life history.

Russia launched nukes at the USA and destroyed a town resulting in a super hero invasion on Russia and open warfare.

Said war was won by America apparently thanks to Tony Stark’s weapons.

Do you know the difference between Life Story and Man in the High Castle, or indeed most speculative fiction?

It actually explains what happened!

In Man in the High Castle we learn various pieces of the alternate history, among them being that the Axis powers developed atomic weapons before the Allies and nuked Washington DC, eventually winning the war and dividing America between the Third Riech and the Empire of Japan.

In Life Story we find out the Vietnam War lasted longer. Somehow.

In Life Story we find out Tony Stark’s weapons won the war with Russia. Somehow.

WHAT HAPPENED!

At best this is a pointless tease, it’s like sidestory world building. What’s the point of bringing the fact that this world’s history is drastically different but not bothering to elaborate on it at all.

Tony’s weapons won the war. What weapons? How did they win? Give us some details for God’s sake.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the story isn’t about the Russian war or the alternate international politics, it’s about Spider-Man. But then...why the fuck is it in the story?

Shit dude, redraft Life Story a little bit and you could more or less exorcise ALL the stuff about international political conflicts and lose nothing. In the case of Kraven’s motivations last issue it’d be an improvement!

Look maybe I’ve got a bug up my butt about this more than most people because I studied history at university, but even putting that aside...it just feels superfluous to this story.

What gets me is that it’s veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery good money the only reason this shit is in the story is to evoke Watchmen (which ‘coincidenally’ is being revisted in Doomsday Clock by DC right now) which was also an example of speculative historical fiction involving superheroes. Which also explained what happened!

Superheroes existed. So they intervened in Vietnam. And they won because of their overwhelming power.

In Life Story we don’t even know who won the Vietnam War or even if it’s over yet!

Moving on a little, so Tony Stark and Peter are at logger heads. Now I dislike Spider-Man’s involvement with Iron Man in recent years but I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand seeing Iron Man not be Peter’s mentor is lovely, but I wonder if Zdarsky was banking on audience familiarity with that dynamic from the films to create a shock moment by portraying a relationship between both men so at odds with what you see in Homecoming.

That wasn’t my first thought though. My first thought was Zdarsky is trading off of the Peter/Tony relationship from JMS’ run...which had nothing to do with the 1990s at all; we’ll talk more about that in a minute.

Finally, not content to write Peter out of character, Zdarsky apparently wanted to write Tony out of character too.

I am no Iron Man expert but by the 1990s...hadn’t he kinda sorta stopped making weapons!

I could forgive it in the older issues because Tony apparently didn’t get out of the arms business in the comics immediately like in the films, so it wasn’t inaccurate to the time periods. But I’m 90% sure he had stopped making weapons by the 1990s. Tell me if I’m wrong please, but if I am not....holy shit what is Zdarsky doing? How does aging in real time = Iron Man would still be a war profiteer?

Let’s leave Stark and the real life history alone and get into the real meat of this story.

Okay so we have Ben Reil-

Wait what?

*re-reads Life Story #4*

...there is something off with this...

*checks Life Story #2*

...um...Life Story #2 clearly states that Peter and Gwen’s clones took on the names Helen and Ben PARKER not REILLY!

Now Reilly makes a lot more sense from both a practical point of view (a guy who looks like Peter Parker with his last name raises questions) and from a referencing canon POV.

But what the fuck is up with the inconsistency?

Who was asleep at the wheel for that one! Oh...but it won’t be the only inconsistency by the way.

So Ben Reilly (who looks more like Ben Urich) is a photogra-

Wait, wait, wait. What again?

Ben Reilly is a...photographer?

...WHY??????????????????????

Look...Peter does have a certain passion for photojournalism, but he prefers science.

Ben Reilly in canon never even considered photography as a job to my recollection. He worked as a lab assistant, a barrista, a bouncer/body guard, a teacher but never a photographer even though that would’ve been an obvious profession to consider.

When Peter began working that job it was a way for him to earn the money he desperately needed to provide for himself and Aunt May whilst also not having his time eaten up with a 9-5.

Sure Ben is also a superhero (the Red Mask...I hope he didn’t dream that up himself...in the middle of a Cold War...) in this universe, but what is motivating him to do that? He’s got science smarts, he has legal documentation from issue #2 allowing him to hold jobs. Why would he not go into a field he both prefers and one that you’d think in a world where there was a war raging with intangible nukes would be of greater use?

I can think of some No. Prize explanations...but that’s the problem.

I  have to think of those explanations. The story, like so much else in this shitty series, doesn’t elaborate.

This goes beyond the characters being different for the sake of being different from canon.

Ben Reilly is doing something that demands an explanation within the context of this series’ unique continuity as established. It’s not even a matter of established characterization based on canon, it’s a matter of established characterization based upon the last 3 goddam issues.

This lack of thought equally applies to our main villain of the issue, Doctor Octopus.

So in issue #2/1977 Doc Ock had reformed because of a heart attack and all that good tender luvin care he got from a woman at least 20 years his senior; Zdarsky does know most people enjoy the May/Otto relationship ironically right, nobody actually thinks it makes sense or was a good idea, but no here it’s the crux of his whole character.

In issue #3/1984 he was...clearly a villain again because he’s obviously attacking Spider-Man in the double page spread depicting Secret Wars.

In issue #4/1995 we learn that Otto was at May’s funeral and this was the last time Peter saw him. Also according to Peter May left Otto long before she died and that was when he just disappeared, Peter presuming he retired in Florida.

So going by issue #4 alone we have something of a contradiction. If Otto disappeared long before May’s death...how could the last time Peter have seen him been at her funeral.

Maybe that’s just phrased a little badly and I’m nitpicking. Fair enough.

What isn’t fair enough though is either Zdarsky isn’t paying attention to his own writing, Bagley and he are not communicating properly or the editor is severely dropping the ball.

May and Otto were clearly NOT together in issue #3 when Otto was also clearly a villain and Peter clearly was aware of this because Otto was attacking him.

Which means Otto must’ve disappeared before then which means Peter would’ve known he hadn’t retired, he’d returned to villainy.

Now a point of praise, Otto blaming Peter for May leaving him, I think that rings true to Otto’s character, let alone an old aging Otto. This is the guy who often saw what he wanted to see, who infamously once wanted to nuke NYC to prove how he wasn’t to be taken lightly even though it’d also kill him too.

Too bad that point of praise is drowned out by his plan in this story which is all wrapped up in the clones.

Okay, okay, Doc Ock had a important role to play in the 1990s Clone Saga so what’s the problem?

The problem is that...I heavily suspect this isn’t riffing on the 1990s Clone Saga.

I think it’s much more likely that it’s riffing on the Ultimate Clone Saga in which Doc Ock was the mastermind behind the clones; coincidentally Bagley drew all three of the Ock Clone Saga tales which is a nice piece of historical symmetry.

Why...is....Zdarsky....riffing....on....a...Ultimate....Universe....story....?????????????????...from the 2000s!!!!!!!!

And in case the jury doesn’t accept that criticism here is another one. Otto feels he’s dying without accomplishing anything.

Um...wasn’t he working with Reed Richards in issue #2?

Otto working legitimately with a big brain like Reed surely would’ve in like 10 years accomplished SOMETHING! He invented so much crazy tech he really didn’t patent any of it, release it to the public?

Couldn’t his arms alone do wonders for disabled people?

I know this is comics so you should suspend disbelief because if you don’t you have to ask why fossil fuels even still exist.

But that’s the problem with this series.

It wants to have it’s cake and eat it.

It wants to show superheroes having a world changing impact on the world as they realistically would...but not go all the way with it.

It wants to have superheroes go to Vietnam and Russia have and use super powered people and intangible nukes but it also wants to ignore the obvious ramifications when it’s inconvenient.

This gets even stupider when you contextualize it within wider Spider-Man media. In the recent, heavily publicized Spidey PS4 video game (that Marvel is adapting as a comic book right now) Doc Ock creates his arms specifically to help disabled people and uses them because he himself is losing control of his motor functions. And in Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon (for 5 year olds) Doc Ock is disabled from the outset and entirely relies on his arms to move around.

So why the fuck did Otto at no point consider using that tech to help the disabled and thereby accomplish something in his life. It’s an obvious idea Reed, Peter or even May must’ve suggested. It probably could’ve helped someone as frail and infirm as May specifically.

We’re also told May left Otto due to his anger. Great use of telling not showing there Zdarsky. Remember how angry Otto seemed in his one other speaking appearance before now?

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball 101 :(

This is it!  The finale of the Tien Shinhan Saga and the 22nd Tenkaichi Budokai!  We got a lot to cover, so let’s get moving.

Tien’s final gambit to win the tournament was to destroy the entire ring.   Since he can fly and Goku can’t, Goku will have no choice but to land out of bounds, thus giving Tien the victory.   Unless Goku was destroyed along with the ring, of course.  No one can find the li’l guy.  

Which is why I love Chiaotzu’s ominous “He’s alive...”, accompanied by the bead of sweat on his face.   Sometimes, Goku is like this movie monster in the form of a little kid.  You can run, you can hide, you can beat the crap out of him, you can kill him, but then he keeps coming back for more.

Tien’s mistake was in thinking that Goku would only jump high enough to avoid the destruction of the ring.   It didn’t occur to him that he would jump even higher than Tien was floating.   So he flies up to meet him.

You gotta hand it to the tournament announcer.  He came prepared.   There were a few midair battles in the last tournament, but I don’t think any of them required binoculars.   Even so, he brought a pair with him just in case.

Tien is ecstatic to find Goku survived the destruction of the ring.   This might be the happiest he’s been, probably because he’s starting to think ahead to the day he can Goku can fight again.  

As for this fight, the only thing Goku can do is fall, and as soon as he hits the ground it’s all over.   And yet, Goku insists that he has one more attack to secure a victory.  

Goku starts charging up a Kamehameha, putting everything he has into it.   Tien doesn’t see what good that will do, since it won’t save Goku from getting eliminated from the match.    Master Roshi takes that reasoning one step further.   When Krillin suggests that maybe Goku can make a really BIG Kamehameha, Roshi says that it won’t matter, because Kamehameha waves simply don’t work on Tien, regardless of size or potency. 

I’m not sure I understand that.    The only time Tien took a Kamehameha was when Yamcha tried it on him in the first round, and he deflected it, sure, but that’s no different from anyone else blocking any other energy attack.   If Yamcha had been stronger, or if Tien had been tired, things might have gone differently.    At least, that’s what I always assumed.  

Roshi seems to be suggesting that you could shoot a Kamehameha at Tien while he’s asleep and it still wouldn’t hurt him.   If this is true, then Goku seems to have intuited this as well, since he never actually tried it.   The only Kamehameha he’s deployed in this match was to save himself from a ringout a couple of episodes back.

The reason I bring all of this up is because there’s a power-up item in the Xenoverse games called “Haaaaaaaaah!” that just makes your character immune to any Kamehameha moves from any opponents.   It’s especially handy in this one bullshit stage where you have to fight Goku, Gohan, and Goten, and all they do is spam Kamehamehas over and over.   But it’s a Tien thing, and I never understood why it was a Tien thing until now.    I think whoever came up with the item must have been referencing Roshi’s dialogue here. 

In any event, Goku doesn’t use the Kamehameha to attack Tien directly.   Instead, he points it the other way, which drives him head-first into Tien’s gut, which knocks the wind out of him and sends them both falling to the ground.   

So now it’s just a question of which one of them will hit the ground first.  Tien was exhausted from destroying the ring, and he only had enough power left to stay aloft, so taking that headbutt has left him in the same predicament he planned for Goku.    Once again, the World Tournament Announcer came prepared, and he has a little air-cycle that allows him to follow the boys and track their descent.

For a moment, Goku’s actually at a slight disadvantage, but he fires one last Kamehameha, and it’s incredibly weak because he used up all his power on the last one, but it’s just enough to give him a bit of altitude

But that all gets shot to hell about six feet before they hit the ground.   The boys fall over a road, and a truck just happens to crash into Goku, which changes his trajectory enough to knock him to the ground a split second before Tien.   

So there it is.   Your winner and World Champion of Martial Arts, Number One Under the Heavens, Tien Shinhan.   Give him a minute, folks, he’s still kinda groggy.

Everyone at the arena goes nuts and rushes out into the street to find the fighters.   

Huuuuuuge babyface pop for Tien when they find him.   The spectators congratulate both Tien and Goku for putting on such an awesome match, but Tien has no idea how to process this.   Then he sees Master Roshi nod to him and it starts to come together.

Tien would probably have gotten a very different reaction if he had cheated and killed Goku as Crane Hermit had wanted.   But by repudiating the Crane School and embracing his own fighting spirit, Tien has won over the people.   Instead of fearing him, they respect and admire him, and he’s overwhelmed by it.  

Two huge dudes carry Goku and Tien over to each other, and they do the whole mutual respect thing, and Krillin gets all verklempt.   

So does Puar, but he’ll cry over anything really.

Yamcha starts doing the slow clap, and everyone joins in and applauds.   Man, how much would it suck if you did this in real life and no one joined in?  I saw a TV show where that happened and I thought it was funny, but it also filled me with dread.   I’d never dare do the slow clap in real life.   The risk of it backfiring is too great.

Goku doesn’t even mind losing, even though it was so close.  

Goku’s clothes are all wrecked from the fighting, so Krillin gives him his own Turtle Uniform to wear, just like the last tournament.   Tien shows up and offers to split the prize money with Goku, because as far as he’s concerned, their match was a tie.   But Goku doesn’t know how to spend money, so he declines the offer.   What a guy.

Then Yamcha shows up and congratulates Tien on winning the title.  Tien apologizes for breaking Yamcha’s leg, and Yamcha’s like “No worries, bro.”   Yamcha’s a class act all the way.

Roshi asks Tien and Chiaotzu where they’ll go next, and invites them to stay with him, which leads to this moment:

So yeah, Launch (the blonde one anyway) is in love with Tien.   This is not a filler scene.   She says this in the manga too.  But here’s the funny thing I learned.

I had fallen behind on the manga, but I went back and checked to see how things played out with Bulma and Launch, because in the comics, the tournament was done in a single day, while the anime stretched it out into four.  So in the anime, it made sense for Bulma, Launch, and Puar to eventually go back to the stadium to watch the rest of the matches.    In the manga, there wouldn’t have been time for that.   So whenever they show Goku’s friends in the audience, it’s just Oolong and Turtle, because they were the only ones who didn’t go with Yamcha to the hospital.  

That means all the scenes of Launch watching Tien fight after the Yamcha match were filler scenes.   She was in the hospital the entire time, although we do have these panels from the comics showing them listening to the tournament on the radio.   Launch apparently sneezed at some point, since she was Blue during the Tien/Yamcha match, and Blonde here. 

I guess what I’m driving at is that, if you go by the manga, Blonde Launch never actually witnessed Tien’s character arc.   She only got to hear play-by-play of Tien vs. Goku, and maybe Tien vs. Jackie Chun.    At first I wondered if she admired the way Tien broke Yamcha’s leg, except she was Blue Launch when she saw that fight. 

So I’m not entirely sure what Lanch is referring to when she says she’s fallen in love with him.   We in the audience have seen Tien’s “wildness”, so when I first watched this episode, it didn’t surprise me at all.  But in the original story, Blonde Launch missed most of it.   

You know, maybe I’m looking at this all wrong.    Maybe what really got Launch’s attention was Tien’s contrition in the aftermath of the tournament.   She sees him offer Goku half of the purse, and she sees him apologize to Yamcha, and she sees Roshi invite him into his home, and maybe it reminds her of how she got accepted into this group.    She knows of his savagery, but mostly indirectly, and what she sees in person is the other side of his savagery.   Maybe that’s what she connects to.   I’ll have to think about that some more.

Anyway, Tien says that he and Chiaotzu cannot join the Turtle Hermit, although I don’t understand why not.    They’ve already betrayed the Crane Hermit, and I get why that’s a big deal, but that line has already been crossed.   I guess Tien feels that turning against the Crane Hermit was necessary, but dishonoring him further would not be, so he won’t.  

Tien doesn’t say no to being pen pals with Launch, though (sly goku face).

So with all that out of the way, Roshi suggest they all go to dinner, and Tien offers to pay for it.   The only trouble is that Goku left his Nyoibo and Four Star Dragon Ball back at the arena.   Krillin offers to fetch them for him, since he knows Goku’s exhausted and hungry.

Then there’s this super weird lull where Goku watches Krillin run off, and he calls out to him, and we pause on every character’s face while they wait for Goku to say whatever it is he’s going to say, and then he admits that he forgot, and they all sort of laugh it off.   This whole sequence is still ominous to me, after all these years.

But Krillin is late getting back, and everyone’s tired of waiting for him, so they agree to start without him.   Look at Turtle’s little kiddie table, that’s great.   How’s he gonna use those tiny salt and pepper shakers?    That’s adorable.  

Goku gets this weird feeling, and he bolts out of the restaurant without even touching his plate.    He gets to the arena and finds Krillin and the World Tournament Announcer down on the ground.   The Announcer is dazed, but okay.   Krillin, on the other hand...

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---

This image of Dead Krillin still haunts me.   I watched Z first, and I’d seen Krillin die on that show.   I even half-expected Krilln to die in this show, because in DBZ Goku said that Krillin couldn’t be wished back since he had died once before.  But I never knew when or how, or why it happened in Dragon Ball.

I’m just imagining what a crappy 4k!ds style dub would be like for this scene.  

GOKU: Kevin!  What happened to you, friend?

KRILLIN: (without moving) Land’s sakes, Goku!   Ah was just mindin’ mah own beeswax, when alla sudden this monster moseys on in and grabbed yer Four Star Dragon Ball!   Ah tried to fight the low down dirty varmint, but he was tougher’n a Mississippi mule!  He even spilled some ketchup on me!

GOKU: It’s okay, Kevin.  The important thing is that you weren’t hurt.

Well, this ain’t no 4!kids production.   Krillin’s dead, and someone’s got to pay...

[feelbadorgan-blog]

Journal Entry #1: Draw My Life

           I would like to think that I’ve always been a reflective person even my childhood memories are full of solitary moments, me left alone to my perceptions and creations. I find it almost addicting going back to my childhood memory of playing in our sandy garden alone. This reflective peculiarity will prove valuable to me in the later years up to the present. It helped me grow and develop my definition of my identity, although more of identities. It brought me to the world of self-help books, journaling and constant self-evaluation. My days are full of questions and ambiguous answers to life. This time a year ago, I have decided to write them into journals. My journal typically starts with a question and continues freely, most of the time irrelevantly, to where writing takes me and it may be observable in this entry. I hope not. It is also written as if it is someone else’s so I can be more objective and harsh on myself.   

           Ever since I arrived here in NCR, I haven’t written anything yet so this will serve as my first entry. I literally write in journal notebooks, but I have discovered that I can use technology, prove myself as a gen-Z and use the softcopy format a.k.a. “.docx” and even “.txt”.

           I have filled three different journal notebooks ever since I started a year ago. Although majority of my writing are on my laptop now, I still write on paper and my fourth journal notebook is almost halfway filled with whatever this mind encounters. Journaling is a very soothing and liberating process for me.

           This is how I journal now, and I’d like to call it “E-journal” as if putting an E in the beginning of any word makes it sound better. I typically write anything I can think of and anything that intrigues me. Although, my writings are hindered by my writing skills because I don’t know a lot about forming sentences, using punctuation and selecting words from a narrow and shallow vocabulary. I love English because I think it is a very creative and inclusive language but sadly, I’m not that good yet to create and enjoy it to its fullness.  

I think I am exposing myself too much already but what’s life without a little vulnerability. I personally have struggled with vulnerability and insecurity. This basically became the story of my high school life and pretty much of my life because I can hardly remember events before high school. Peer pressure got the best of me and it made me do things I would regret but I can do nothing about so let’s move on.  

This is the grade 7 me, too naïve about the world around him and on the things about to come. He feels very insignificant and is peer pressured a lot. He has grown and he’s very different now but it humbles him to know where he started. Reminiscing how we grow through time always lead to smiles. 

“Beast”

In high school is where you find inevitable to be grouped to the same people with the same interests. For our group named “BST”, we found each other through sports and cutting classes to play sports. They saw and guided my growth from the one on the picture above to who I am today. The day after graduation transforms high school friends to lifelong family.

“Megs”

           Megs is the Bisaya term for friends. This my wholesome and nerdy squad. It may seem contradicting belonging to two squads with different nature but it’s not. I found that one squad completes and balances the other so that I stay right in between my academics and my passion. I am not swallowed by academics nor do I sacrifice my future for playing sports.

“Do your thingsss”

I have loved a few things and formed a few passions in my life and this picture shows it all.

The Wipcap, official cap of Fliptop which is the Philippines’ Rap Battle League and is the last Rap Battle League in the world, for my love of the hip-hop and culture.

The rifle for my love of service and to my three years membership of our school’s CAT.

Kyrie 5 “Husky” shoes for my passion in The Game and my homage to passionate players.

“Orchid in a bottle” for my love of biology, laboratory work and simple science.

The Innovators book for my love of technology, great people, great work and cooperation.

 This is the product of my six years in high school. When I heard we were allowed one creative shot for our yearbook, this image of me popped into my mind. I have unconsciously viewed myself this way and I can say this has been my self-image as a product of my high school life. High school has been productively transformative for me. It gave me the chance to redefine myself through reflection. I have known myself deeper. This probably is the most “me” picture of my life.

 I believe that a man is defined by how he uses much of his time. This is where majority of my time goes and majority of where my self-concept comes from. These are my mentors and my hobbies.

THE HIP-HOP CULTURE

“BLKD”

A UP-Diliman graduate Fliptop pioneer who is considered now a Legend and the best lyricist of the game. He takes pride in his timeless content, intricate flow and crafty use of rap elements like anagrams, personals, quadruple meanings, metaphors and bars. These are a few of his lines.

“Tanggap ko kung wala ako sa top 5 niyo, nasa Top 5 ako ng nasa top 5 niyo”

He may not always be the fan favorite, but he surely is feared among fellow emcees.

“Kaya kong magpaka-street, magsalit ng pa-slang

Kasi pen-game ko perfect, sa iyo pass lang

Puro galaw wala namang puntos, puro pass lang

Ako puro tirang sharpshooter na pumapaslang”

A quadruple meaning of the homophones paslang/pass lang with street, school, basketball and battle references.

“Hindi titulong pangdakila tinutukoy ko pangratrat

kapag sinabi kong si Bonifacio ay ginamitan ko ng Gat”

Personals spat in a game against Marshall Bonifacio referencing the Bonifacio vs Rizal argument through the “gat” double meaning as a pistol and as Jose Rizal.

 BASKETBALL

“The Alchemists”

This was taken after our exhibition game. I have only known basketball in high school and from that day onward I still have the same passion from when I started. The summer after my first year, I then enlisted to a basketball camp. All the free time I have after that we then spent playing the game. I am very passionate about the game. Although I don’t play as often as I once did, deep inside is the same fire.

DOTA

“The Internationals 2019 bracket”

The internationals more commonly known as “TI” is the most prestigious and largest tournament in e-sports. It’s prize pool is crowdfunded by the Dota 2 community and is now at US$33 million. Today is actually the first day of the main event. I have played Dota 2 for 4000 hours already, all on the internet cafe. I know I shouldn’t be “that’ proud about it but it’s not all negative. I know that I have developed some of my skills and besides, I don’t play anymore in fact I only had 30 games last year. The best part about ti9,The Internationals 2019, is that there is an all-Filipino team in the upper bracket, TNC. They are representing the Philippines and all the Filipino players. They have cemented their name along with the best teams worldwide and now they have the chance to win The Aegis of the Immortal, the trophy of the champions ever since 2010.

“TNC Predator”

This is our team fighting for the Aegis of the Immortal.

The SCIENCE of LEADERSHIP            

“The Golden Circle”

This is a concept by Simon Sinek in his book “Start with Why”, one of the first books I have read and reread. I love the book as much as the man who wrote it. It demonstrates the difference between good and great leaders based on their conduct. Good leaders lead from the outside in starting from what they do, how they do it and why they do it making the “what” aspect clearest for their followers. Great leaders do the opposite, they talk most of the time about why they do it and they assure that this be the clearest aspect for their disciples. It is even manifested in their advertisements. TiVo is a good television company with good leaders. One of their advertisement says “We can pause, forward and rewind your favorite shows for you”, focusing more on the what. Apple, a great company with a great leader - Steve Jobs, would have an advertisement that would sound like “The ones crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who actually do”. This advertisement doesn’t even mention any of their products but it does mention why they make their products and it being clear to their followers is one of the reasons why people line up for hours in Apple stores to get their new Iphones even if they can buy it without hassle the week after. 

I love leadership and cooperation especially the the value they bring to the world. It has brought us movements to question what the world is doing, great products and most of all it bring faith back into humanity. This interest in leadership forced me to read leadership, business, self-help and personal development books. You’ll find a lot of these people in these.

Another fascinating aspect of this circle is its accordance to the layers and structures inside our brain. The “what” represents the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for, you guessed it, what we do. The “how” is where the limbic brain starts representing the basal ganglia - responsible more on how we conduct thing. Lastly, the “why” represents the primitive amygdala which answers all the question to why we do and it sets out our priorities from food, reproduction and finding meaning. 

SERVICE of the CAT

 “Legions of Pisay”

We are the Legions of Pisay, a club created and organized by students. Our advocacy is the Citizenship Advancement Training. We trained volunteers, we serve the student body as manpower for events and we are directly under the disciplinary officer in imposing the laws of the school. My three years of service in the CAT is all about service. We arrange the venues, direct the audience and clean up after the event. We are the first to prepare and the last to clean. All of this for service. In three years, we have created a bonding from all the sacrifices we’ve made together for the student body. I have served and I hope soon I will be able to serve again. 

INTERSECTION OF TECHNOLOGY and PASSION

“Steve Jobs”

Steve Jobs. The great man Steve who founded apple at his parents’ garage with Woz, brought great products to the world, exiled by the very company he founded, created another company “NeXT”, created Pixar, sold NeXT and himself to Apple and saved apple from oblivion. This is how I simplify the life of Steve. He founded Apple, Apple kicked him, out but Apple bought him back just to save themselves and to bring back their visionary. I am a total fanboy. He has nothing but passion. He gave his all even his health for the world to enjoy great products and to bring us great experience. He placed a thousand songs in our pocket when all there was is a Walkman through iPod. He didn’t commercialize his software. He created the best animation movies. He thought he can change the world, he did. Apple is now US$1Trillion in valuation and in fact if it were a country it would’ve been the 27th richest. We don’t know when we will get another Steve or another Apple but I’m sure it’s trying to change the world with passion.  

MOVIES and The NERDWRITER

Evan Pushack aka “The Nerdwriter” creates videos about everything he can think of but mostly about people, art and movies. We share the same interest and his youtube channel has become a haven for me. I indulge in his content. With this platform he tries to help people. His K.I.N.D. “Kids In Need of Desks” video raised US$3 million for the school children of Africa. That’s worth 62 000 desks in 4 000 classrooms. He himself is struggling to make money from his videos but he never forgets to help. The world needs more of these people and those who can’t be them can at least support their causes.

I really talk a lot and mostly not about myself as much as my self-concept which is hugely not about me at all. I like talking about topics I love and consequently they become intertwined with my self-concept.

I don’t remember much before my high school life and I don’t rely on them so much for my self-image.  As far as I can remember these are where my personal life revolves around, outside the relationships I’m keeping and building. These are where most of my time is spent. I like that I have a lot of mentors and passions. I can and have tried doing these for consecutive hours without getting even bothered. I hope that I would be able to keep most of these. 

I have probably crafted, maybe stolen, my self-image around these people and activities. If they crumble, so as my self-image. They have contributed a lot to my ever-expanding self-concept as well as to the self I strive to be. 

Knowing about people is my thing. Writing about them fuels me. I like to write more about people especially those who touch me. If I’d be given another chance to draw my life, I would still make this kind of piece.  

credits/follow:@dotesports @startwithwhy​ @cultofmac @nerdwriter1@danicamarie

 p.s. reading this entry proves how much i need to improve on the canon of disposition

[prism-rush]

Prism Rush Main Story Episode 7 Chapter 1

Your Dreams and Mine #1

First Previous Chapter

Translator’s Notes: This is... the last episode!! Just three more chapters and the epilogue left after this! The boys wrap up their Japanese New Year with a traditional shrine visit and feast.  Also boys will be boys. I’m posting this a couple weeks into the New Year, but still relevant enough I think. I couldn’t find that poem Yukinojo was referencing, but I didn’t look too hard for it either I guess. (There is a screenshot for if anyone knows it.) Also if you’re planning to ask me a question about that Jin scene, know that I have several questions as well...

Shin: Our first shrine visit of the new year... Umm... how does it go again?

Yukinojo: This is a Shinto shrine, so bow twice, clap twice, and bow once. 

Leo: That’s our Yuki-sama! You sure know a lot. 

Taiga: Does praying at a shrine actually do anything...?

Kakeru: Hey! If you go saying something blasphemous like that you’ll end up stepping in gum with a brand new pair of shoes for sure! 

 Taiga: Wha?! Where did that even come from... Well, I guess I’ll offer a prayer just in case... 

Minato: Heheh. Your true colors shine through. 

Taiga: S... Shut up!!

Shin: ................!!

Yu: ....Hey. Shin. 

Shin: *mumbling*

Yu: HEY!! It’s been like 5 minutes already?! Some of us ain’t got all day!

Hijiri: There’s a line of people behind us, so we should be getting on our way... 

Shin: Huh?! Ah, s-sorry! I just had... a lot of things I wanted to wish for... 

Leo: Shin-kun, what did you wish for?

Shin: I wished that I could get better and better at performing prism shows!

Taiga: Well that’s straightforward.

Minato: But I think everyone else here has that same wish too, right?

Kakeru: Well... yeah. 

Leo: Me too! 

Yu: But that can’t be all with all that sweet time you took. 

Shin: Oh yeah and I wished for the safety of the Edel Rose building, I wished none of us would be involved in a traffic accident, I wished for business prosperity... 

That Superintendent Himuro’s stomachache would get better, that Yamada-san’s toothache would get better, that Yu-kun could have a growth spurt... 

Yu: Nobody asked you to wish for that!! 

Hijiri: Oh my... I didn’t realize you were even worried about such things... Sorry for troubling you.... 

Shin: It’s really no problem! But... am I the only one who is going to share their wish....? What did you guys wish for?

Leo: I wished for my very own six pack! I’m a bit jealous of those... 

Yu: Leo wished to become like Alexander...?! Now that’s one wish that doesn’t need to come true! 

Leo: Yuki-sama, what did you wish for?

Yukinojo: A small boat... to weather the treacherous seas... With one thread of light... We can still go on....

Shin: Umm umm.... W... What....?

Yukinojo: It’s a traditional verse that means: The road ahead of us may be rough, but please show us the way. 

Leo: Wow! How elegant!!

Taiga: I have no idea what just happened... 

Kakeru: What did you wish for, Minatocchi?

Minato: I wished for big ripe tomatoes in the garden this summer too.

Taiga: Are you a housewife?!

Kakeru: I wished our company sales would reach 200% of last year’s!

Taiga: Too real!! 

Kakeru: You probably wished to surpass Kazuki-san at something, didn’t you Taiga-kyun?

Taiga: H... How did you know?!

Kakeru: You can’t keep anything from me! What about you, lil’ bro?

Yu: I... didn’t wish for anything. 

Shin: Huh, but why?! It’s our first shrine visit of the year....

Yu: Why, you ask... because I am the all knowing, all powerful Zeus!! I don’t need any wishes granted for me! 

Taiga: Excuse me...? 

Kakeru: Maybe I should have used my wish to wish lil’ bro would stop living in a dream world.... 

Yu: WHAT?! What did you just say...! 

Minato: Settle down now. No fighting or else there will be no rice cakes in your soup. 

Taiga: How... could you... 

Yu: You can’t... 

Minato: Well then, last one back to the dorm is a rotten egg! And the winner gets two rice cakes! 

Yu: WHAT! 

Minato: Ready... GO!!

Taiga: This is stupid... 

Minato: If you don’t hurry up everyone else will eat all the sweet chestnuts! 

Taiga: Hey!! No fair!! 

Shin: Wait up, everyone!! 

Hijiri: Heheh. They look like they’re having so much fun. As long as they keep shining so brightly, surely my wish will come true as well. 

My wish that the prism radiance will fill everyone’s hearts.... 

(Back at Edel Rose)

Yu: Minato’s soup really is the best! 

Leo: And lucky you with your two rice cakes, Yu-kun! 

Yu: It’s my prize for winning the race! So they’re all mine! Ack! .... It’s stuck in my throat...! 

Minato: It’s because you’re eating too fast. Here, have some water.

Yu: That was close... 

Shin: All of this New Year’s meal is delicious! 

Minato: It was made from Kouji-san’s original recipe which he passed down to me! In addition to the traditional fare, it also includes some western flavor to spice things up. 

Leo: This roast beef is so good! 

Kakeru: And the seaweed roll as well... 

Minato: But you know, it’s been a long time since we all sat down for a nice meal like this. 

Taiga: Yeah I know. Even during the New Year holiday we were busy with the countdown concert. 

Leo: All the prep and practice made me dizzy... 

Shin: Yeah, but... it was all so fun!! 

Minato: Yes, it was. 

Shin: I was so nervous about singing my solo song. Up until I got on stage that is... 

Kakeru: We all rocked it, didn’t we?

Leo: The audience responded to our calls too!

Taiga: And I think I saw some of them dancing along... 

Shin: It’s all because Yu-kun wrote us such great songs...

Yu: But the one who really worked the hardest was.... you, Shin. Wasn’t it?

Shin: Huh?

Minato: When we had that blackout due to technical difficulties and nobody knew what to do, you were the one who never gave up.

Shin: Minato-san... 

Yukinojo: It was because you encouraged all of us that we were all able to land a jump together. 

Kakeru: If we have nothing to light our way, we can become the light.... I would have never thought to say something like that. 

Leo: It’s really because of Shin-kun that our concert was a success. 

Minato: Thank you, Ichijo. 

Shin: Y.. You guys... 

Yukinojo: But we don’t have much time to revel in the past. We still have a long road ahead of us. We’ve got to focus on what is on our horizon... 

Shin: Yeah... Our next goal is....! 

(At Schwartz Rose)

Jin: A new year begins... It feels so divine. Don’t you think so, Louis?

Louis: ....What are you working on?

Jin: Ah, this is called a “kakizome”. It’s for defining your goals at the beginning of the year using calligraphy. The boiling passion which has been sleeping inside of me will awaken.... NOW!!  

Flow from my body and into this calligraphy brush!!! HYAAAAAH! 

Louis: That... That says....

Jin: “BEGONE EVIL SPIRIT”!! I am... FILLED WITH RAGE!! Against all who oppose me... HIJIRI! You are the evil spirit!! 

I will erase you from this world.... Louis! Bring me the purifying salt! Quickly!

Next Chapter.

[ayellowbirds]

Keshet Rewatches All of Scooby-Doo, Pt. 5: “Decoy For a Dognapper”

(”Scooby-Doo, Where Are You”, Season 1 Episode 5)

AKA “That Old-Fashioned Racism”

I’m trying out a format change, starting with this post, because the errors that I was seeing with Read Mores only seem to affect Text Posts and not Image Posts, even if the only difference is whether there’s a text header or a main image. If y’all prefer this style or the text posts, let me know!

The episode opens on a crisp Autumn day, and unlike the norm the four prior episodes established, nothing immediately spooky happens. Instead, we’re reminded that yes, Scooby is a dog, as his sniffing about in the leaves of an affluent-looking neighborhood leads to him catching sight of a well-groomed poodle being walked by an old lady. Scooby pulls up some flowers and tries his best to look charming.

He’s ignored, the poor hump-backed bow-legged mole-chinned fella. Takamoto's intent for Scooby to be a less than ideal specimen really shines through in moments like this, though I suppose his iconic status has dulled that idea over the decades. That said, i am reminded that one of the few times a dog reciprocates Scooby’s romantic intent, she turned out to be a space alien in disguise.

Just after Scooby is rejected, karma strikes: “Princess” is snatched up by a masked dognapper just as she and her owner walk behind some bushes that conveniently save on the animation budget by not showing the complex motion of grabbing the dog i mean, hide the details of the dognapping.

By the time Scooby rejoins the gang at yet another beach party (consisting of Fred and Daphne dancing while Velma and Shaggy roast weenies), the sky has darkened. Instead of explaining why he’s upset using his words, Scooby utilizes his eldritch powers once more and turns on the radio just in time to tune into a flash bulletin announcing the third theft of a prize-winning dog in as many days.

Scooby is very serious about this, pushing the gang to investigate. But his determination has its limits when it turns out that the next dog in line to win an upcoming competition is a Great Dane, well, you can see where this is going.

Fred has a “tiny” transmitter to plant on Scooby, which must have seemed impressive by the standards of 1969. It’s as big as a bath bomb.

Daphne tosses him a Scooby Snack for courage, though Shaggy catches and eats the first one she pitches, rationalizing that he’s going to have to be the one walking the decoy dog, and then it’s time to wash and groom Scooby. Cleaned up and given a shiny new collar, Scooby strikes his best possible posture while out on the town, and even manages to attract some attention.

When this random pink pooch tries and fails to get Scooby’s attention, she kicks a whole bin’s worth of garbage at the duo in a fit of rage. It’s an extended sequence that doesn’t seem to add anything to the plot except suggesting that Scooby is, however briefly, convincing as a show dog. But it’s really weird, because, well... look at this dog. She has a collar, so she’s not just a stray. She's pink, at odds with the vaguely naturalistic color schemes of, well... any other animal in the entire show.

The entire scene could be cut for time without losing anything in the episode, so the best i can figure is that it’s literal filler.

Soon after, the dognappers snatch Scooby amidst a smokescreen, and Shaggy gives chase on a borrowed motor-scooter. While the Mystery Machine reroutes to follow Scooby’s signal, Shaggy sees something unexpected just as he’s catching up to the dognappers:

Yes, this is bound to be a thematically consistent episode. The whooping, shrieking image of a stereotypical Native of the Great Plains appears, causing Shaggy to crash. Shaggy identifies this figure as “Geronimo” for no reason except that he’s a stupid white kid in the sixties.

Meanwhile, Scooby winds up in the villains’ hideout, where he’s quickly identified as a fake by the costumed mastermind, who is similarly clad in a bad caricature of indigenous American garb, looking like some white animator’s idea of what a traditional dance costume might resemble.

In an especially bizarre moment, Scooby resists being tossed out by extending his previously unseen claws to hold tight onto the wooden floor. Scooby has retractable claws. WHAT IS THIS DOG?

The gang finds no sign of the native who spooked Shaggy, but Velma does find a stone tomahawk just laying in the dirt by some train tracks. She identifies this as “an authentic Indian relic, at least 1000 years old”.

Without any testing or reference materials.

Without questioning why it was just sitting around in the open.

A thousand years old, she says.

Guay de mi. Shaggy concludes that this means ghosts, but the gang pick up on Scooby’s signal again and follow it, while Scooby once again demonstrates his retractable claws by extending an especially long one to cut a hole in the wooden crate he’s trapped in.

SCOOBY-DOO, WHAT ARE YOU?

After Scooby’s rescue, the gang backtracks, and are shot at with arrows—that Fred identifies as factory-made and inauthentic, because I guess he thinks no self-respecting native would use anything other than home-made traditionally-crafted arrows. Shaggy and Scooby cry out in terror over the prospect of being scalped.

Interesting fact about the practice of scalp-taking: there’s evidence to suggest that it was introduced to the Americas by white people, and that it was much more widely practiced by settlers—colonial authorities offered bounties on native scalps, and both Confederate and Union soldiers are documented to have engaged in the gruesome practice on people of all ethnicities.

But Shaggy’s a white dude in the Sixties, so we just get to see him being a racist making jokes about his hair being scared.

The gang look to where the arrows came from, and catch sight of the remains of a cliffside city in the general Southwestern style, looking like it may have been referenced directly from “Montezuma’s Castle”. As they make their way up to it, they catch sigh of the lead villain, who is shaking some maracas and affecting a stereotypical accent completely unlike the way he was speaking in front of Scooby earlier.

As he disappears, Velma comments that he speaks excellent English “considering he’s supposed to be 1000 years old.” Again, how is she drawing this conclusion? There’s nothing in the episode to suggest it, and Velma just comes off as spouting the typical attitudes of white American culture that indigenous peoples are long dead and gone.

As the gang continue onward in spite of their ignorance, they rouse a colony of adorable bats, that start chattering and flying around.

Shaggy and Velma start to flail madly in spite of the bats not being animated as actually flying at them, just around... until one snatches Velma’s glasses right off her face, and then drops them on Scooby. There’s a great shot from Scooby’s perspective through the lenses of a bat zooming right at him, and he flees.

But even better is the one moment when Shaggy follows Scooby into shelter. “Ri, Raggy,” says Scooby in his usual distorted doggy speech. Without missing a beat or any sense of it being unusual Shaggy responds in kind:

“Ri, Rooby.”

It’s a weird little moment of Shaggy’s guard being down so much that he picks up on Scooby’s vocal tics, and to be honest, it’s adorable.

The “thousand years” bit continues as the gang explores and "Geronimo” (again, they have no reason to call him that) continues to warn them away with fakey accents and flashy displays.

The weirdest moment of the episode comes during their explorations, while Shaggy is distracted with raiding the dognapper’s food supplies to make an overwhelmingly meaty sandwich with every kind of cold cut i’ve ever heard of. Scooby investigates a cabinet, and then, behind him, a stone in the wall opens up to reveal a secret hole...

...and a hand reaches out to shove Scooby into the cabinet, sending him through another passage and down a chute that leads right to the room where the stolen dogs are kept, along with Daphne after she got caught in another secret passage trap herself. But nothing’s holding Scooby, and he’s able to easily untie Daphne and set the dogs free.

So... what was the point of pushing him? Whose hand was that?

After a few more secret passage antics, the dogs are freed, and—hey, wait a minute, how’d all these secret passages get into these ancient ruins? There’s more of a story here than just the dognappers, but the episode never goes into it.

The dogs chase down the main villain (his henchman is never seen again, and there’s no evidence he’s ever caught), who is revealed as Buck Masters, a dog owner himself who had pretended his own dog was stolen and put on a pretense of offering a reward for the crooks. Buck had extensively interacted with the gang earlier in the episode, so it’s not too surprising he immediately recognized Scooby, but one has to wonder why he didn’t warn his own henchman of the gang’s involvement. 

In any case, his incompetent racist deception is revealed, and the gang have foiled his plan! Oh zoinks, are we going to finally hear it, that immortal line?

Hey, that’s not how you pronounce “meddling”!

In a heartwarming moment, Fred explains that they had to get involved, because they had a dog of their own, and “we love him very much.”

The episode ends on one last little stereotypical gag, as Scooby makes a feathered headdress shadow on the wall by posing with a duster and toy tomahawk.

Oy.

(like what i’m doing here? It’s not what pays the bills, so i’d really appreciate it if you could send me a bit at my paypal.me or via my ko-fi. Click here to see more entries in this series of posts, or here to go in chronological order)

[abdicatedarchive]

the bet || rose and marina

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: marina’s dorm room // before valentines day.

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: rose x marina.

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒: none

𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒: the hollingsworth girls make a bet to swear off any crushes or flirty behavior. 

Rose was hanging out on her sister's bed after another hook up didn't work out, "I just think I need to give up at this rate. He got soooooo clingy. He called me one morning, like called me on the phone instead of just a text. Which I thought would make him better than the guy who never texted me, but it was very annoying turns out" she rambled. Rose opened up her snapchat and was talking to people, "Hey will you pluck my eyebrows for me?" she asked, "and also tell me of your latest conquests to distract me?" Rose needed a distraction, and to be honest she needed to take a break from hopping from person to person. It was time to actually slow down. 

Marina turned over to her sister as she listened to her story, "Hey, there's no reason to completely give up. I'm sure you'll find someone great." was kind of her go-to response at this point. The Hollingsworth girls were having a bit of bad luck when it came to their love lives. They tried and tried, but nothing ever seemed to work out. Sometimes Marina just wanted to give up too, but just like Rose, she'd get the smallest amount of attention and then she'd be back in the game. "Yeah, of course." she said as she hopped out of her bed and got everything she needed to do her sister's brows. Once Marina got back to the bed, she laid her sister's head on her lap and wiped around her brows for preparation. "Mine sucked, as usual." she pouted. "When we were finished, I went to the bathroom. The moment I came back, he was gone, and I kid you not, he used on of my sticky notes and wrote 'that was fun, hmu' and left his number on it."

"Part of me just wants to see how long I can go without ruining someone's life. It's been fun, but I keep hurting people. There are so many boys who are never going to get over me" Rose joked. There were some pining people along the way, but the majority it was just time to cut their losses. "For real though, jokes aside about how I'm an evil temptress that no one can say no to. I can't think of a week where I haven't had a crush or someone to date since sophomore year of High School. My success ratio sucks" she rambled on. Rosemary laid her head back on her sister's lap and listened to her talk about her love life. "Oh my god, that is so trash" she responded, annoyed on her sister's behalf. "Anyone who doesn't stay for cuddling is the spawn of satan, for real." Rose rolled her eyes. "I say we make a bet, whoever goes longer without catching feelings, having a crush, or kissing someone wins" Rose taunted the idea of a friendly sister competition. Neither of them liked to lose, "And don't even think about having sex with no kissing and no feelings, that is totally cheating and I already thought of it."

"Being the best can be a flaw at times, we just have that effect on people. We can't help it." Marina continued to joke along. "Another flaw of ours? Sometimes we catch feelings for shitty people." she pointed out. Marina hadn't been in too many relationships, but that was mainly because it would never get that far. She always seemed like a distraction or fill-in for the other person until they got what they really wanted. She was never the one. Marina nodded in agreement with Rose as she picked up her tweezers and began to meticulously pluck away. "Right? And he used one of my good journaling pens. Disgostang!" she said in an accent, she knew her sister would understand the reference. As she listened to Rose's proposition, Marina was already looking for some kind of loophole. Well, she hasn't mentioned sex. she thought to herself, until Rose mentioned sex. Damn. "Psh, I play fair." she said, unable to hold back her smile. "Okay, you're on." she said with a single nod. Both girls had always been super competitive, so bets like this were always fun. "Just for funsies? Or will there be consequences for the loser?"

Rosemary respected the dig on her previous boyfriends. Honestly they had scarred her enough to not seriously date again since. Her sister began to pluck her eyebrows, Rose only wincing from time to time. "The good pens? Disgostang!!!" she echoed back, using the same voice. The girls did love their viral video references. "Play fair? You have never played fair in your entire life" said Rose giving her a look. "Oh it's so on. Bring it" she said, referencing some of their favorite movies. The thing about the two girls was ... winning was definitely enough of an award, but she couldn't think of the punishment for losing. "I guess our usual agreements. The winner just gets to hold it over the other's head for the rest of their life" said Rosemary. The shame of losing would be enough to keep her from doing anything. "Unless you want to pick what you, Marina Hollingsworth, have to do when you lose" Rosemary taunted, the competitive drive filling up the gaping hole that looking for love had left.

Marina would take small breaks in between the tweezing so it wasn't too overwhelming. "I just play to win." she corrected Rose with a proud smile on her face. They were both raised with the mindset of being the absolute best. Sometimes playing fair wasn't enough. Winning was the only option. She nodded her head as she listened to Rose about what the winner got. It's usually how their little competitions went. Winning was a prize in itself while loosing was a big enough consequence. She raised a brow at Rose and flicked her nose softly, "Watching you lose is good enough for me." she said with a smirk. Marina wasn't exactly thinking about how hard this would be for her, she would realize that later. "If I come up with a good consequence for you, I'll let you know." she teased Rose. "Guess we're gonna have a very uneventful Valentines this year..." she said, realizing that they were making the bet literally the day before Valentines day. The timing was quite unfortunate.

"I also play to win, seems like this will be fair enough. You are the best competition I've ever had, may the best Hollingsworth win" said the girl, with a slick smile forming on her face. She was ready to do whatever it took, Rose was willing to turn down her next great love for the sake of competition. She let out a laugh when Marina said that watching her lose would be enough of a victory. "Oh yeah this is really shitty timing, but it's not like we want to do anything depraved for the holiday. We can't be those desperate frosh who will hop on anything that moves because it's V-day" Rose said, making an excellent point for herself. She didn't want to be embarrassing and make a bad reputation for herself in front of the upperclassmen.

"Back at ya sis." Marina nodded, referring to the fact that Rose was her best competition. It's why making bets with her was so fun, it was a real challenge. She knew she'd have to really work for this win, who knew how long this was going to last? Marina surely didn't know, but she was prepared. "See I was thinking of it more as everyone else would be swarming us to be their Valentines." she laughed after speaking. Marina definitely cared less about her reputation when she had came back from Mexico. Though it had been a few years since then, she still hadn't dealt with everything in a healthy way. She continued to lash out and make poor decisions. If anything, being in college made that a lot easier since her mother wasn't around to yell at her. "We can spend the day together. Get a bunch of candy, watch some romcoms. It'll be great."

Rosemary opened her phone and was about to delete her dating apps in front of her sister. She knew better than to give Marina any tips or tricks from her book. Rose would do it when she got back to her own room, hopefully Marina would get a notification she couldn't ignore. Or Rose could use her romantic energy to keep putting people in Marina's line of sight, that would be a good idea. Her sister finished her brows and Rose sat up, "That would be so much fun, I'll buy the candy. It'll be a Hollingsworth party for sure. I wish Maximo was here, his text about his present for his new boy was so cute" said Rose, still obsessing about love. She was just such a romantic at heart.

"Nice! I have my list of romcoms on my letterboxd, I have all our favs on there." Marina grabbed her phone and went on the app, she loved making her lists for no reason. It was a nice pastime for her. As she was looking for the list, Marina was thinking of all the different ways she could spin this bet around in her favor. The thing about Rose and Marina was that they were hard workers, but when they competed against each other, they always got a little sneaky. "Wasn't it?" she looked at her sister with a big smile, already cracking a bit. "I'm so happy for him. They're the cutest!" Marina's smiled faded and shook her head once she caught herself already gushing about love, "I mean... ew romance. That's gross. Don't need it, don't want it."

"Ah the list" said Rosemary smiling, Marina was always good for a list of things. It made deciding what they were going to do so much easier, they never really had to worry about not having any ideas. "Yeah, romance is disgusting. I honestly have never wanted to make out with people less, hand holding? I would genuinely never. Sex is so out of mind, I don't think I even remember how to do it" she rambled on, matching her sister's sarcastic tone. This was going to be an interesting game for sure. She wondered which one of them would actually break first. Next party, she was definitely going to get into some boy's head about how they wanted to make a move on Marina. That would get her for sure.

"Yeaaaah. Grody." Marina spaced out for a moment as she was deep in thought. Her last time having sex didn't even end on a high note. This was truly unfortunate. But she wasn't going to break, she was strong. She made a mental note to squeeze in some you're-a-winner-that-doesn't-need-romance pep talks into her morning routine. "Ooooh, you know what? I totally did gas you up to somebody in my class. They're really cute too. They said they'd hit you up at the next party." she said with an innocent smile. "Warning, he is a bass player. But a pretty one, that really likes Star Wars. I decided, out of the kindness of my heart, to pass him over to you." she let out a dramatic sigh. "Oh well now."

Rose contemplated her last encounter, and wished she hadn't wasted it on the boy she did. But then again, she probably wouldn't have made the bet if she was having a good time doing what she was doing. It was a well needed break for both of them. "Oh that's so unfortunate. To give you some lovely feedback, I thank you for your selflessness and giving spirit for donating said musician who likes Star Wars to me. He sounds lovely, but in my new sex free mindset that I fully and totally embody ... I am not even thinking about how bassists are really good with their fingers. Not even a bit" she said giving her sister the blankest look of all time, her brow arching exemplifying the fact that she was up for the challenge. "You know it's funny, I saw Chase on the quad the other day with Jonah ... I wonder if you two will have to kiss to save society again in your larping group. It would be a shame if I told ... perhaps Steven that that would be an excellent plot" said Rose moving her hair behind her shoulder and letting a smirk form on her face. The girls did play dirty, but the whole point of the bet was that no one got to play dirty in the way that they preferred.

Marina looked over at her sister, innocently smiling at her, "I'm glad you're staying strong. But don't worry, I'm sure this, or more specifically you, won't last too long. I bet he'll be waiting for you." she said, playfully messing with her sister. If there was one thing Marina knew, it was that this bet would most likely take a while. Marina thought about telling Rose that larp kisses were not real kisses. That's what she always told herself, anyways. But she held back from brining that up. It would make her look like she was going to go off and start kissing Chase during their larping sessions because those wouldn't count. Marina had willpower though, and there was no need to do anything with Chase. That was old news. "Our society is doing great actually, so there's no need for kisses. But I will be warning the groupchat about you. Steven will not be my downfall." she shook her head as she went and texted them immediately. Warning: Rosemary Hollingsworth is dangerous territory right now. Any shady deals being made behind my back will have severe consequences!

Rose messed back, "I do love to make someone wait." It was going to take every fiber of self control she had, but mostly her competitive edge. To be fair, she didn't have much self control to begin with ... but pride? There was an abundance of it. "I think Steven most definitely will be your downfall, he's just so easy" Rose teased, the boy had always been asking questions about her. It would be almost too easy to get into his head, and where was the fun in that? "I think that the only exception to the rules should be some sort of soulmate clause. And the only way out is you have to marry them essentially, no exceptions to that. The second you break up you're a loser again, no pity" said Rosemary, laughing a little at the idea. There was no way that would actually happen, but as an added precaution she wanted to put that in there. Knowing the two of them, they could do bets for years. It was the only thing that made her nervous.

"I may have to lightly threaten him then. If anyone's gonna fuck shit up for me, it's me." Marina stated as she pointed to herself. That's usually how things went with her anyways. She was her own worst enemy. Hearing what Rose said afterwards made Marina laugh along with her. "Is there really any soulmate potential here?" she asked in between her laughter. "I haven't gotten that feeling since like, high school?" she said, but didn't sound too sure. Marina would always hope for the best when she would find someone new, but she couldn't think of anyone here that had given her that deep feeling of love. "Knowing us, we'd marry that person just to make sure we don't lose." she said jokingly, it was pretty funny to think about. Sad, but funny.

"I mean that is the way to live. If anyone is going to fuck shit up for me, it's going to be me as well" said the girl, laughing in agreement. It was scary sometimes how they were the same on so many things. "I hope not, I have a bet to win" she said, letting a giggle out again. She honestly couldn't imagine herself growing old with someone she met here. It would be nice to meet your soulmate in college, but knowing her family ... it felt like something that came later in life when you really knew who you were and what you wanted. "I haven't had that feeling since I dated the devil incarnate" Rosemary said with a sigh, not wanting to think of him so close to Valentines. It had been two years, but it still wasn't enough time. "Oh 100%, and cold feet would not be permitted" she said, changing topics. It was hard to think about him still. The damage he had done to her.

Marina stayed silent when Rose mentioned her ex. They both had very different experiences with their high school loves. Marina was the problem in her situation, and though things got better with Antonio, they decided to break things off while they were in different schools. Sometimes she'd try texting him but would back out because one, she was too scared, but two, she wanted him to have a fun time where he was at. She was pretty relieved that Rose completely ended that relationship in high school. Her sister deserved so much more, but Marina knew not to bring him up. "Definitely." she nodded in agreement to the last statement. "Well my lab partner was just telling me about a party tonight. We could always see just how strong we are. You up for it?" she asked with a small grin.

She smiled, "That is an excellent question, only if you're up for peak hotness this evening. And by peak hotness I mean that our outfits should go together and you should do my makeup. That way we can tell a lot of strangers that we're twins and then they're going to get all fumbly with their words" said the girl as she flashed her teeth at her sister. Sure they weren't blood, but with their birthdays being the same and them being sisters ... it was a lot of fun to fuck with people. "The other option is that we put on old people FX makeup so that no one is tempted, except the creeps" she said, laughing a little to herself. That would also be fun, but she'd prefer to have a cute picture for the gram with her sister.

Marina laughed and shook her head to the second option, "Fun choice, but we'll save that one for a rainy day. Old people FX makeup is harder than I thought." she told her sister. Marina had only delved into FX makeup in the past year. Ever since she started cosplaying, she wanted to give it a try, but she never knew where to start. She hopped out of the bed and ran over to look at which outfits they could choose from. "This is always a good option." she said, holding out a short dress. "Or this one?" she asked as she showed Rose the two piece set. "I know you have cute outfits that match either one."

And things were back to normal, of course the Hollingsworth girls were still going to have fun. They were the Hollingsworth girls. Just because they couldn't get boys ... or girl's attention didn't mean that they couldn't have a good time. "I have something that will go with the two piece I'm sure of it" said the girl as she looked at the outfits. "How are we so excellent? We really are the best of the best" she said to her sister and stuck her tongue out.

"The best of the best." Marina stated confidently as she put the dress back. She was excited to have a fun night with Rose, there was never a dull moment when they were together. "I actually have the perfect look I could do on us that'll match our outfits." she said excitedly before they got ready for the party. "Tonight's going to be great!" //END

[satireknight]

TMNT S02E03 - It Came From Beneath The Sewers

Which is not technically true, since what we see comes from the sewers, and not really any lower down. But “beneath” sounds so much more sinister, doesn’t it?

So the Turtles are back to searching for the next part of the Eye of Sarnath, and presumably hoping that this one doesn’t have horrifying near-fatal effects on them.

What kind of front seat holds five people?!

Donatello’s tracker makes R2-D2 noises at him, which apparently means something. They head off to a relatively deserted area... which has a carnival in it. I guess it had to fall somewhere, so why not a carnival?

April is horrified that they plan to just stroll in, reminding them that they’re turtles and thus likely to attract attention. But they seem pretty relaxed about the idea, pointing out that they can just claim to be part of the sideshow or something like that.

“Is there a carnival dress code?” Well, not being practically nude is probably expected.

I have to wonder, whose idea were the monogrammed belts? Did Splinter have trouble telling them apart, or is it just the easiest way to keep their stuff from getting mixed up?

Meanwhile, Krang has finally gotten sick of his answering machine being filled up with whiny demands, and agrees to help Shredder find the next fragment of the crystal. Also, Baxter threw the first one away, somehow. I’d suggest he did it passive-aggressively, but someone who addresses Shredder as “master” all the time probably doesn’t have enough spine.

And despite never having seen the crystalline tracker or the Eye of Sarnath, Krang is able to zero in on the energy... in the Caribbean.

“I’ve located it, in an area outside the city!” Outside “the city.” Gotta love that even the alien brain-creature has that New Yorker state of mind, where there’s just New York and then the Mad Max wasteland outside it. Apparently Shredder already knows that that’s where a carnival is located, which raises the question of whether he had been there before.

So the Turtles and April sort of wander around, with Michelangelo winning prizes and Donatello getting fleas. But the crystal is found first by two small boys who hope they can trade it for more ride tickets. The Turtles are a bit offput by the idea of mugging small children, but they’re dragged off by the carnival boss who mistakes them for clowns. No, I’m not sure why.

April tries to bribe the kids, but they won’t pony up for only three bucks and/or a credit card. Does she think they have a card reader?

If you need proof that Shredder’s really come down in the world, the mighty and deadly ninja is about to mug two small children.

So after the Turtles are railroaded into doing a clown act (yes, really), 

April milks Michelangelo of all the cash he has apparently been keeping in his invisible pockets. But she’s too late, because Shredder has managed to grab the crystal, get kicked in the shin by one of the kids, and sent the thing flying only for it to be grabbed by Baxter.

“You must admit, I do have soft hands.” Did anyone dispute that?

But things get icky when they head back to their hideout to analyze the crystal, and it bumps into Shredder’s foot, which has some kind of slime on it. The slime is apparently some kind of Dimension X plant matter that Shredder stepped in when.... he was inside the Technodrome. And he decides that a giant plant will obviously be a great way to kill the Turtles, because... uh... Little Shop of Horrors.

The Turtles are kind of upset that they bumbled the whole getting-fragments thing twice in a row, especially since the batteries are running out in the crystal tracking device.

If you need proof Donatello’s a nerd, look how deliriously happy he is at the sight of alien batteries.

Just then giant green vine-tentacles come breaking through the wall, and immediately grabs Michelangelo, who seems to be the natural target for tentacles in this series.

As if it weren’t weird enough, the plant says “ow” when cut, before grabbing April and Raphael, and finally withdrawing after too many nasty jabs. Donatello figures out that it’s not from this planet... which is a bit of a Captain Obvious, since last time I checked killer vine-tentacle plants don’t exist here.

Also, where did Splinter go?

April, having nearly been dragged off by a killer plant, whines because they’re leaving her behind. Maybe they want to keep their rescuing to a minimum? So she ends up in her apartment with her friend Irma, who is thinking of (what else?) men. Wait, apartment? She must have gotten another one incredibly fast; this is only the third episode of season 2, and season 1 featured her apartment being devoured by Mousers. 

Anyway, it’s a note supposedly by the Turtles, with an address on it. A smarter person would wonder why they didn’t just call her, like they said they would, or would verify that they left a note. April just charges out the door without wondering if this might be a trap.

Spoiler: it’s a trap, and Baxter and Shredder are waiting there for her. So Shredder calls the Turtles to notify them that he’s kidnapped her, because apparently the incredibly fast-growing and dangerous alien plant isn’t filling the entire sewer system fast enough.

“That’s April all right. I recognize her mumbles.” This is only the eighth episode, and already they’re used to her being in peril.

Since Michelangelo has a one-track mind, he’s hungry when they get there, much to the disgust of the others. 

But that gives them the idea to disguise themselves as pizza delivery boys, because apparently they have those costumes AND pizzas just rattling around in their van.

“It’s four green pizza delivery boys.”

“I don’t remember ordering any pizzas, especially green ones.”

Gotta love confusing grammar. 

Also, does that mean that people CAN see that they’re green when they’re in disguise, and they just don’t assume there’s anything weird about that unless they specifically know that they’re turtles?

So the Turtles burst in and start assaulting Baxter and Shredder with weapons and pizzas, and of course free April. In about five seconds, the bad guys flee the scene.

So... what was the point exactly of this little cul-de-sac? Capturing April didn’t actually serve any purpose beyond producing another fight scene and filling up a few more minutes. And it will never really be referenced again. Did the episode run a little short, and they put this in to fill it out?

Anyway, the TV happens to be on and they see the monster plant sprouting from the street and causing mayhem.

The plant is apparently big and strong enough to wave around multiple cars at the same time, which means it requires FRICKIN LASER BEAMS just to drive down the street.

But it’s nearing time for the boss battle to ensue, which means that the Turtles using FRICKIN LASER BEAMS attracts the attention of the main plant. Which kinda looks like a multi-eyed hand puppet.

It also starts eating their car, which raises interesting questions about what its roots are feeding off of, since plants generally get nutrients that way. They attack it, but get an embarrassing smackdown before the thing retreats back underground.

They just sort of abandon their van in the alley, and jump down to ask Splinter what they should do. Splinter’s advice is the same kind of wisdom that anybody who’s ever weeded can give you: tackle the root of the problem, very literally. Fortunately the plant is.... bleeding, so they can track it that way.

And it leads to... a solid brick wall.

Um, does that mean the plant broke through, went through the wall, and then replaced all the bricks exactly as they were before? Because otherwise I’m not sure how the trail can lead there.

But it’s all irrelevant anyway because it bursts through again.

It drags off Donatello, which means that it’s time for the others to break out their secret weapon:  drag!

Not kidding. They actually put Michelangelo in a lady plant getup, which he hates of course. Today they’d be taking so many pictures so they could always remember this delightful occasion.

And the plant drops Donatello because it’s.... um... I think it’s meant to be horny. Which isn’t really how plants work; they just sort of have pollen and male-female parts, which insects and wind handle for them. Of course, this IS from an alien world, and technically all it needs to do to count as a plant is to photosynthesize, so... I guess the idea of a horny plant isn’t technically impossible, just very unlikely.

Yeah, my expression mirrors Raphael’s.

The other three tease Michelangelo for the remaining three seconds that he can stand being groped by a horny plant that is making kissy lips at him. Then he busts out the nunchucks and starts beating the plant with them.

Leonardo then brainstorms Splinter’s advice in a veeeeery literal way by stabbing the plant in its... stem. It’s meant to be the root, but roots tend to be underground. And despite being so huge, the plant fortunately is VERY sensitive and immediately shrivels down to a green slop.

So that evening, still not having the fragment, the Turtles celebrate with an all-meat pizza, and April brings them a venus flytrap apparently out of sadistic amusement.

VERDICT

Not bad at all. Not perfect, but it’s a big stronger than the last episode in that none of the characters had massive brain farts for no adequately explained reason... well, except maybe Baxter, but I remain unconvinced that he didn’t do that on purpose.

Anyway, it starts off a bit slow’n’silly with the whole carnival focus, and the kids who talk a lot and appear a lot for about two scenes before vanishing completely. It really kicks into gear when the whole giant plant story starts moving, especially since it provides some interesting insights into how the Eye of Sarnath is supposed to work. But I guess it was too short to actually fill out the episode, hence the April-gets-captured plot cul-de-sac.

And it has a monster-movie focus to match the monster-movie title, even with one scene of Michelangelo exclaiming that he saw this in a movie once (which wouldn’t surprise me, given that there are actually a lot of sci-fi references in this series). It’s not complicated, focusing instead on just being pretty entertaining with the straightforward story it has.

It is interesting, though, that the Turtles consistently fail at getting the fragments despite having a tracking device that exists to do nothing else. It’s also interesting that Shredder doesn’t try to use this latest fragment more than once, since presumably the crystal fragment would also create killer plant monsters with Earth plants. Giant killer rafflesias? 

GRADE: B

[swimintothesound]

Heartache, Optimism, and Pop-Punk: How The Upsides Changed My Outlook On Life

The best creations are born of pain. A sad consolation prize for the inflicted, the result of life experience and raw suffering. As listeners, we judge music based on how much life and “realness” bleed through it, but we also don’t experience anything in a vacuum. Art is tainted by our own memories and experiences. It’s the reason that two nearly-identical albums can feel so different. It’s the reason you enjoy A while I prefer B. Memory is where it all comes into play, and it’s what we add to art as humans. In experiencing art we inject a bit of our own story in the listening process and add on to the creation in whatever way we can.

This is how our tastes, perspectives, and very personalities are formed: through interaction with both art and the world around us. While a positive experience, association, or context can improve our perception of an album, the inverse can also ruin something that’s otherwise objectively good. Think about any album, movie, or TV show that you used to recover from a breakup. Hell, think about a restaurant that once gave you food poisoning. Whether it’s well-founded or not, there’s probably a negative association and personal bias at play skewing your opinion.

I’m of the school of thought that traditionally “great” music starts as something you don’t necessarily love on the first listen, but becomes better over time. Music with depth and complexity that reveals itself with each subsequent spin. Challenging its consumer to be better. Most of my favorite albums were records that I didn’t think much of (or simply didn’t like) upon first listen, but gradually kept burrowing their way further into my brain.

And while memories often retroactively color our impressions of art, sometimes there are also individual works that are able to overcome our own mental hang-ups. Art that’s so strong it’s able to break through our negative associations and emerge from the other side, still enjoyable.

This combination of growth over time and overcoming an uphill battle of negative associations is one of the reasons that The Wonder Years’ second album The Upsides is one of my favorite records of all time.

From a South Philly Basement

Before I get into weird personal history: some quick background info on the band. Founded in 2005, The Wonder Years are a pop-punk act from Lansdale, Pennsylvania. Following two years of singles, split and EPs the band released their debut album Get Stoked on It! In 2007. Taking queues from the early 2000’s easycore scene, the band’s first record was a keyboard-heavy form of biting pop-punk. Get Stoked is problematic, but also very symptomatic of the year it was made. It’s not a bad record, but it bears very few resemblances to the rest of the band’s work and has been retconned by the band for good reason.

The biggest point against Get Stoked on It! Is that most of the songs were written about generic late-2000’s pop cultural buzzwords. You got a track about a ninja, one about a cowboy, one about zombies, and much more! This is in direct conflict with the band’s later hyper-earnest heart-on-sleeve meditations that pulled from real life experiences and heartfelt emotions (as opposed to funny songs about astronauts). There are still some tracks like "Racing Trains" and "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong" that foreshadow some of the band’s future stylistic leanings, but as a whole, the record is much more underdeveloped and juvenile than their later work.

The band would later go on to “decanonize” this release, publicly stating their distaste for it both in interviews and even referencing it in future songs. When a remastered version of the album came out in 2012, lead singer Daniel Campbell said “If you like the record, enjoy the new mixes. If you hate the record, I’m on your side” which is something I’ve seen very few bands do.

Within two years of their first album, original member and keyboardist Mikey Kelly left the band. His departure essentially represented a “soft reboot” for the band which allowed the remaining members to pivot the group’s sound and take their next album into a more “honest” direction. A year after Kelly’s departure the band released their sophomore album The Upsides in 2010, and my life would change forever.

B-rate Version of Me

In 2011 I went through a horrible breakup. It was my first real relationship, and it hit me as hard as you could imagine a 17-year-old being hit. I’d recently got my driver’s license, started my first job, and I was embarking on my final year of high school, so overall it was a turbulent time of change for me. One night midway through February I was spurred to purchase a digital copy of The Upsides on a whim based on a Tweet made by Amazon Music. This is something I never do, but I had just gotten off a shift at my job and wanted to fill the void with blind consumerism. The album was on sale for $5, so even for a cheap 17-year-old, there’s not much to lose at that price. I can’t even remember if I even previewed the album, but for whatever reason, that tweet was well-crafted enough to spur me into a purchase right then and there. I was in the mood for something new.

I downloaded the album, loaded it onto my iPod, hit play, and sunk into it.

I don’t know how well I’ll be able to articulate the particular brand of slacker malaise I was engaging in at this time, but most waking hours that weren’t spent school were spent in my room playing video games listening to podcasts and music. I was pretty much distracting all my senses and escaping from reality as much as humanly possible without the use of drugs or alcohol. I wasn’t depressed, but I was in a state. Nothing really cheered me up, so it was more of an ongoing war of attrition with my own brain.

I credit The Upsides with single-handedly lifting me out of this post-dump funk and getting me back to feeling like myself. With years of reflection, I was being far more dramatic than I’m giving myself credit for, but I guess that’s kinda the point of being seventeen. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it felt like it… until this album came along.

A Pop-Punk Oddessy

Upsides begins with a bait and switch. Most pop-punk detractors dislike the genre for pretty specific (and valid) reasons. Maybe they don’t like the genre’s propensity for bitter lovesick lyrics, or they’re turned off by the whiny vocals, but in most cases, they probably have a cartoonishly-exaggerated version of the scene in their head. Thanks to the genre’s explosion in popularity during the mid-90’s, most people just think the music consists solely of whiny Blink 182-types when that’s not the case. While there certainly is no shortage of nasally lovesick songs, that sound isn’t representative of the entire genre.

For better or worse, Upsides begins with exactly what people would expect from the genre. Within the first seconds of the album’s opening track “My Last Semester” a nasally slightly-filtered Campbell sings over a twinkling electric guitar “I’m not sad anymore / I’m just tired of this place.” Within 15 seconds the singing ceases and the guitar strings sustain. An electric whir emerges from the back of the mix and quickly overwhelms the held guitar notes. Suddenly the entire song, album, and band spin to life, energizing the track with a cacophony of brash drum strikes, a biting guitar riff, and a driving bassline. Campbell, now singing at the top of his lung repeats the first lyrics with an angry vitriolic twist, and with that, Upsides has officially begun.

Those first lines of the album sound stereotypical (great, another white dude talking about how sad he is) but upon closer inspection, they’re actually a beautifully-constructed phrase that flips the listener’s expectations on their head by talking about the futility of those sad feelings. It’s a notion that’s devoid of nostalgia, firmly present, and anxiously self-aware. This specific idea of not letting sadness win is a recurring theme throughout the album that the band circles back to frequently. The mantra comes full-circle on the album’s star-studded closer and is even developed further on subsequent releases. But in this first song, the singer articulates this concept by listing all the reasons he could be sad, but then explains that he opted to find the silver lining in his situation: his music. Campbell would go on to address this later in an interview explaining:

“I thought that I had kind of beaten my issues, but when you struggle with depression or anxiety, you never really win. You always carry it with you and the point I learned isn’t to win. The point is to keep fighting. It turned out that ‘I’m not sad anymore’ wasn’t a victory speech. It was a battle cry.”

The opening line pulls double duty by acting as the album’s thesis statement while also serving as the band’s new mission statement. This represents a far tonal shift from what we last heard on Get Stoked. They’re not the same group of 18-year-olds who were singing about pirates and zombies three years ago. They elude to this with the meta line “college hit those dudes like a ton of bricks.” The band did a lot of growing up since we’ve last heard from them, and they are guided by a new creative north star.

Art Imitates Life

The foundation that the band began to flesh out with this record (and would expand upon over the course of a trilogy of albums) is a style of hyper-intricate, self-referential, and pop-culture-obsessed rock that depicts the good and bad sides of a life well-lived. Early on the band used the term “realist pop-punk” when describing the sound of their artistic rebirth. Call it what you want, but it’s still one one of the most refreshingly honest and true approaches to music I’ve ever heard, and it was an absolute revelation to me at seventeen.

There’s beauty in simplicity, and sometimes real life is more compelling than anything you could ever make up. TWY’s music doesn’t revolve around sweeping epics, chasing material goods, or even the other, it’s all music that’s firmly told from one perspective and all bears the insecurities and imperfections that come with it. The focus of the music varies from song to song, but this singular perspective allows for a cohesive vision that the listener can simultaneously empathize with, and project themselves onto.

Throughout The Upsides, singer Dan “Soupy” Campbell flexes his now-well honed writing ability, making it obvious he’d time between albums studying and working on his craft. One of the most under-appreciated aspects of his style is his acute ability to write minuscule details. Small observations and references that add a layer of specificity that makes the album feel more realized and lived-in. Each line adds onto the story that the listener is building in their head until an entire narrative is formed around the character. You’re fleshing out your own universe built on the language of the album and developing a one-of-a-kind relationship with its narrator.

Sometimes The Upsides tackles big psychological issues like post-college listlessness, relationship dynamics, and even death. At other times they zoom down to view life on a macro level and vignette the little scenes that happen in life like a broken down car or going on a midnight pretzel run to the stand behind your house. Sometimes it’s funny and biting social commentary on the Westboro Baptist Church or the shitty fist-pumping people you meet at parties. It’s an album that encapsulates the life of a post-college 20-something from every possible dimension.

To me, the quintessential song on the album is the Deluxe Edition’s penultimate track “Logan Circle: A New Hope.” The song is a stripped-down reworking of the album’s second track “Logan Circle” that echoes many of the original track’s sentiments but also serves as an incremental update on the life of Campbell. “A New Hope” is redone in a slower, more pensive approach that allows the lyrics and instrumentation to shine through and glisten to their full potential, highlighting both the brilliance of the lyrics and the proficiency of the band members.

The first verse of the original “Logan Circle” contains a lyric that hooked me for the rest of the album: “We just can't blame the seasons / The Blue Man Group won't cure depression.” The line resonated with me originally because it’s an obvious Arrested Development reference, but it also doubles as a bit of life advice about optimism and outlook. This all circles back to the cliched idea that this album is something I needed to hear at the time. I wasn’t hopeless, but I needed something hopeful. I needed to be told how to handle these feelings I’d never felt before. I needed to be told how to combat them and move on with my life, and that’s exactly what The Upsides did for me. It was musical therapy.

Emergence

Though I didn’t consider it at the time, I’ve only recently come to realize that pop-punk has been the genre that I’ve listened to for the longest in my life. It’s partly a byproduct of when I was growing up (thanks, mid-90’s) but also it just happened to be one of the first genres that I really explored. As a result, there was something comforting about sinking back into the genre after spending some time away from it. I feel like It’s cheesy to admit an album about not feeling sad helped me stop feeling sad, but Upsides was instrumental in my emergence from sadness in the wake of this first relationship.

It wasn’t just the optimistic messages, it’s that the songs found the optimistic messages in the face of everything else. Feelings of sadness are not invalid, but with enough distance, you realize that there’s no reason for them, there’s nothing to be gained from them, only energy wasted. It was a realistic portrayal of exactly how I was feeling then. And more on-the-nose, the album’s breakup song “Melrose Diner” served as both a validation of my feelings and a cautionary tale about becoming the shitty, bitter ex.

My love for The Upsides grew exponentially with each listen, and within a year it became my most listened-to album of all time, a title that it still retains to this day. In fact, my love for Upsides grew with each subsequent album that the band released as future songs would call back to lyrics contained within their earlier works. By fall of 2011, I’d begun my first term of college and the band had released their third album Suburbia I've Given You All and Now I'm Nothing.

The Upsides marked the beginning of a three album “trilogy” that depict the arc of Campbell’s struggles with anxiety and depression, and with the trilogy’s conclusion in 2013, the band cemented themselves as my favorite act of all time. With three releases that were all equally impeccable, I’ve now spent roughly 12 days of my life listening to the band’s various releases, a number I wouldn’t take back if you paid me.

At the end of the day, The Upsides is one of a handful of albums that changed my life, and there’s no higher praise I can hoist upon it than that. It’s a well-crafted and powerfully intricate release that rewards close listens and spawned its own mythology. It engages the listener in a way that few other pieces of art do. There are lots of albums in my life where I can point to a clearly-defined “before” and “after” period, but Upsides is an album that changed my entire way of being. It shifted my world one step towards a more positive existence, and I can’t thank the band enough for that. It’s a radical powerhouse of a record that I still listen to nearly every week, and I can’t fathom my life in a world without it. It’s a beautiful creation, and the world is a more beautiful place for it.

Thank you for everything, Upsides.