#if y'all actually read through all of that i am IMPRESSED!!!

[creatingblackcharacters]

Ice's Favorite Black Characters, #3:

Charlotte, from Queen Charlotte

Okay so first: I have zero intention of watching the rest of Bridgerton. It doesn't appeal to me. But every time a clip shows up, if I see my girl I'm like "ooooh what my girl Charlotte wearing today??" Bc she be DRESSING.

I cannot tell y'all how much I love this woman. First of all, the casting was superior. And I'm sure y'all have noticed by now, but I am a huge fan of costuming that actually works with Black characters, especially in a period piece. There's shoving us into these outfits with bad wigs meant to forcibly and uncomfortably assimilate us, and then there's STYLING your Black characters! Her AFRO and afro extensions are in full force in the left pic!! Her look as an older woman looks like the way my granny would curl her hair, pinned into an extravagant wig!! It looks like their Black hair!!! (HBO should be a fucking shamed)

Okay. Onto her personality. I'll be honest, Charlotte reminds me of me. Charlotte is blunt, and I love that. She said what she said, and that's that. No bullshit. She's not a sweetheart, at all. Society doesn't like Black women that are direct, let alone when they're in power. I feel like if she were a man, we'd be saying she was an "autistic icon" for her bluntness, and her issues with occasional empathy ("sorrows, prayers") Alas, Black women don't get to be autistic, we get to be "bitches".

She shows her naivete and ignorance often, but she's not stupid- when she senses something is off, she calls it out. Period. She's also very loving! But she's not... Affectionate, in a way that most people would deem affection. but it is clear that she loves the people she loves, and holds them dear to her. Lady Danbury wouldn't be her right hand (and Brimsley her left) if Charlotte didn't want and value her there.

Not to mention, she's very passionate, especially about her man. You don't drop a line like "I care not for his sanity! I care for his happiness, I care for his soul." And not be passionate. But that's also one of her flaws! Charlotte is so caught up in the mission impressed upon her and George, that she loses sight of her own children's happiness. She's not the greatest of mothers, and it's clear it's bc she's prioritized her own mission (babies, continue the great experiment, keep George okay) onto the next generation. Meanwhile, she herself was just as awkward and naive and unsure when SHE showed up to court. Also, "virgins to the left of me, whores to the right" was a wild comment to make lmao. Read the hell out of them damn kids 🤣 she wasn't right but she was right.

Lastly, I love seeing a Black woman loved and adored. George LOVES her, to the point he's willing to go through literal torture to be the man he thinks she wants. I wanna see that. I wanna see us being loved on that intensely. And she loves him just as much.

So yeah. Queen Charlotte was amazing to watch as a Black girl who likes pretty dresses, isn't a sweetheart, and wants to be loved unconditionally. 🤌🏾🔥💕

[moeswriting]

mine | 2. we were sitting there by the water

pairing: young!no-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

chapter summary: joel miller is falling in love and you’re learning to love, but joel’s hiding something big from you that might change everything, 

or the first and third date

chapter warnings: panic attack, implied parental abuse, joel is 22 and reader is 20, descriptions of a bad marriage and teenage pregnancy (Joel), reader is described a small amount (has hair, able-bodied, wears feminine clothing, is going to school for secondary english education, has a heavily-detailed background), joel being The Single Dad™, this author HATES sand but loves the idea of the beach, reader’s best friend being horny af, reader walking in on someone having barely-described sex, a thinly-veiled gilmore girls reference that probably no one but me will get, and an OC that the author is pretty sure is just chappell roan with a different name and a country accent

word count: 7.1k

a/n: i actually cannot thank y'all enough for all the love this series has gotten already. i am so excited to show y'all the story i have planned for these two (next chapter we'll get some sarah, and then it'll be three ;) ) . hope you like this chapter! any reblogs and notes are appreciated <3

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read this chapter on ao3

Do you remember, we were sittin' there by the water?

You put your arm around me for the first time

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

You are the best thing that's ever been mine

✦ ✦ ✦

October 1994

“I didn’t know you had it in ya. I’m impressed.”

You’re rifling through your closet, as your roommate rambles in her thick Texan accent from across the room. Joel’s supposed to be here in an hour. You had just gotten out of class and were desperately trying to pull yourself together before he got here. He had told you to dress nice– that he was taking you to dinner and you had left your dorm this morning thinking you had something to wear, but now that you’re standing in front of every piece of clothing you own, you’re not sure that any of it is good enough.

You groan, “Elaine, I will kill you. I won’t hesitate this time.”

“My baby girl is finally gonna get some,” she squeals, jumping on her bed and hopping onto the ground elegantly, her fiery red hair fanning around her perfectly like it always does. Even in her current outfit of a shirt she stole from some frat boy she fucked last week and pink boxer shorts, she was perfect.

“Elaine…”

She prances over to you, hands on her hips, mischief in her eyes. You go back to looking in your closet.

“I need more information,” she pauses, looking you up and down, “What do we think he’s packin’?”

You groan again, digging the heels of your palms into your eyes, “This is exactly why I didn’t tell you about this. I’m going to move out. I am requesting a roommate change.”

She guides your hands away from your face and giggles, “I’m sorry. This is just very important to me. I need to know everythin’.”

“There’s not much to know. We only talked for like half an hour,” you sigh. You pull a white dress and a denim vest from their hangers and toss them on your bed. Good enough.

She throws her hands up into the air when you walk away from her. “Okay, well, at least tell me what he looks like?”

You strip down to your underwear and pull the dress over your head. “Well… he’s tall, muscular. Curly brown hair, brown eyes– pretty, the kind that crinkle when he smiles… God, even his nose was pretty– strong–” you button your vest tightly to your chest, it’s almost like a corset– “I don’t think I’ve seen a prettier man in my life.”

“So… packin’?” She smirks.

You blush, throwing your hands up in the air, “Yeah, probably!”

She squeals, clapping her hands together. The sound almost makes you smile, but you smother it behind a groan.

“Oh my god. I’m so done with this. Tell me if this outfit is cute.”

She walks over to you and grabs your shoulders, face and voice genuine as she whispers, “Oh, baby… You are so beautiful. If Joel doesn't want you, then I might give you a go.”

“Well, let’s hope Joel wants me then.”

Elaine gasps and runs to her bed, grabbing the nearest pillow. You brace for impact as she throws it towards you with a giggle. Hello Kitty flies right into your face and plops to the ground as you squeal.

She pauses her laughter, her expression becoming serious as she stares at you.

“Why do you look like you’re going to puke?”

You glare at her and duck into your closet again for a pair of shoes, “Shut up.”

Docs will do, you think.

“No, seriously. Two seconds ago you made it sound like he was the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with and now you look green. What’s wrong with you?”

You sit in your desk chair and pull your boots on, avoiding eye contact with your persistent best friend when you answer her question.

“Because I’ve spent the past twenty years of my life avoiding being in a relationship at all costs and this guy's nice and handsome and funny and I just don’t want to let him down… y’know?”

Elaine says your name sternly, “You could never let anyone down. You are amazing and way too good for literally any man on earth, but from what you’ve told me, he seems like he might be decent enough.”

She pauses, walking over to you and putting her hands on your shoulders, “You need to get out there. If you never try, you’re gonna be lonely for the rest of your life and as much as I want to try to save you from that– you need to do that all on your own, baby.”

You take a deep breath, or as much of a deep breath as your vest will let you, and let it out, “I know. I just don’t… I don’t want to waste my time on something that probably won’t last.”

Her facial expression drops into annoyance, “You have no idea! You have no idea if this could last. You think that every relationship is doomed to fail, and that’s just not fair! At least give the guy a chance to prove it could work out.”

You pause to think over her words. He’s cute. This could just be some fun, even if it doesn’t last. You toss your thoughts back and forth before you give in.

“Okay. But if this doesn’t work out, we’re going to reflect back on this moment and I’ll get to say, ‘I told you so’ over and over until we die.”

She points a finger at you. “You are pathetic.”

“And so are you.” You stick your tongue out at her and she does the same to you.

A knock at your door alerts you to his presence.

Elaine squeals, jumping up and down, her hair flying everywhere.

You shush her and walk to the door, opening it.

His brown curls are somewhat contained by some gel he obviously doesn’t know how to use and he’s freshly shaven his face. He’s wearing blue jeans and a white dress shirt tucked neatly into a belt that makes his waist look heavenly. He’s wearing the same cowboy boots he wore last time you saw him. He looks beautiful.

Elaine is poking your back and giggling in your ear. You would be giggling too if you didn’t think it would make you look like a weirdo.

He pulls a bundle of white and purple from behind his back and thrusts it into your hands, like they’re going to burn him if he keeps holding onto them. Flowers– carnations and lavender with a hint of baby’s breath.

You chuckle at his insistence and take them from him, “Wow, Joel, they’re beautiful. Thank you.”

“Yeah, 's no problem. Figured you like purple so,” he trails off, stuffing his hands in his pocket. He smiles bashfully, cheeks a burning red. The fluorescent lighting of your dorm hall makes the blush on his face look much darker than it already is. 

You know your face is flushed too.

“Uh, come on in! I’ll find a vase for these and we can go.”

“Okay,” he mumbles, following behind you as you push Elaine to her bed and rustle through your closet for the one vase you keep. You can feel Joel’s eyes on you as you bend down.

Elaine clears her throat impatiently.

You hum and narrow your eyes at her from your hunched over position, “That’s Elaine. Don’t worry about her.”

But, of course, since Joel is a Southern Gentleman and Elaine is a lady he’s never met, he introduces himself.

And it opens the floodgates.

She asks him about his job and his apartment and what size pants he wears and if he’s dated a lot. And, of course, he answers each question patiently, even the pants one (he's a 32, Elaine’s winking at you from across the room).

She’s still talking even as you shut the door in her face and Joel asks if that’s rude and you reply, “Just ignore her. She likes it,”

You can hear her cackling from the other side of the door.

The night goes brilliantly. When you get to his car parked across the street, he holds the door open for you and lets you pick the music station, even though you can tell he’s not exactly comfortable with your selection of pop– he doesn’t say anything though.

He takes you to a Colombian restaurant downtown where everyone knows him and greets him with loud declarations of, “It’s been too long, cariño,” and “you never come here enough, pendejo,” which he waves off with a, “I need a break from you all, sometimes.”

He orders you some empanadas (he insists that the woman who cooks them here is an empanada genius) and himself lechona, which gets him a side eye from the server and he just brushes him off.

You ask him what is wrong with the lechona, and he says that it’s supposed to be for breakfast or lunch, but he likes the rice dish for dinner instead. You smile when the server comes back with your food and flicks Joel on the head.

You talk about school and your favorite books and Joel talks about the diner’s latest gossip (Mr. Cassini and Doreen went on a date the other day, he hears it went well) and his brother who he just bailed out of jail this morning. You ask him why he was busted and he just shrugs and says, “Didn’t ask. All he said was he didn’t want mom to know, so I didn’t tell her.”

You listen to Joel talk about his brother and his “mama” like they hung the sun and the moon in the sky. He avoids talking about his father, you don’t ask.

He asks you about your family and all you can manage to say after a moment to think it over is, “Dad lives back in Washington. I don’t really talk to him much.���

He doesn’t ask anything else about your family after that.

When the server comes over with the check, you go to get your purse out and Joel clicks his tongue, “No, sugar, I got this.”

“But–”

“Put the purse down.”

You put your purse down.

He takes you back to your dorm with a blinding smile on his face, eyes crinkling with the intensity of it, and he walks you all the way back up to your door, even after you insist you can get there yourself.

He leaves you with a kiss on the cheek and a wink, “Bye, sugar.”

“Goodbye, Joel Miller.”

The smile doesn’t leave your face for days, which just makes Elaine smug– “I told ya so,” leaving her lips every time she catches you daydreaming.

You think maybe… maybe this could work.

✦ ✦ ✦

November 1994

“Get in the car, Sugar,” he yells from across the street, his blue pick-up rumbling way too loudly like it always does. He’s got his window down and a Johnny Cash song playing on the radio.

It’s a sunny day, beautiful for a day at the beach like Joel has been planning and waiting for for a couple weeks now. It’s in the low 70s and the air is still. It’s perfect. He’s perfect.

You giggle, “I’m coming; calm down!”

Your lilac sundress swishes between your legs as you run across the street and to the truck, looking both ways before you cross the street.

Leaning against his car door and into the window, he turns his cheek to you and you lean forward to kiss it. He hums in delight. 

His eyes are sparkling a bright honey brown in the sunlight when he looks you up and down. He swirls his finger around and you give in with a smile, spinning for him, the skirt of your dress swirling around you in a silken circle and flip flops smacking the ground almost comically.

“Darlin’, you look gorgeous.” His grin is unmatched in its brilliance.

You resume your position on the door, arms crossed, and smirk, “Oh, really? How gorgeous?”

He hums, his own smirk lighting up his face, “Hm, get in the truck and you might find out.”

You perk up, “Oo, are you gonna buy me a pony?”

“It might be better than that, baby,” he laughs.

You gasp, grabbing his face in both your hands, for nothing except the drama of it all, “What could possibly be better than a pony?”

“Sugar, get in the damn car before I drive away,” he deadpans, but you can see his smile fighting to see the light of day.

“Okay, okay,” you giggle again. You never seem to stop giggling when he’s around.

This is your third date with Joel. The second had gone just as well as the first– you went to see a movie, Forrest Gump. You cried like a baby into Joel’s flannel and he just squeezed your shoulder reassuringly, trying his best to comfort you while the other theater-goers looked at you like you were crazy. He glared at every one of them until they looked away from you.

The night ended with another kiss on the cheek, from you this time, not Joel as it was the time before. You wanted to kiss him for real, know what his chapped lips would feel like on yours, but you were too nervous that you would fuck it up, so you just resorted to what you knew would work.

But, you think tonight might end how you want it to.

You’d seen him since then, going to the diner a few times to study between your dates and waiting up for him until his shift was over so he could walk you home. You offered once jokingly to walk him home, but he had answered with a very serious and stern no. You didn’t ask him again after that.

When you’re on the road, the sweet tea Joel had picked up from the diner for you (“Extra sweet, just how you like it, baby”) in your possession, and the highway rushing past you, you slouch in your seat and sigh, “Music?”

This is the only point of contention between the two of you. Joel liked classic country and rock, you did sometimes too, but you preferred pop music. He knew that.

He chuckles, like he knows you’re dreading the country that you know he’s going to play, but instead he says, “I got something for you, baby.”

He reaches around your front to open the glove box and two CDs sit within the truck's papers.

You gasp, snatching them up and clutching them to your chest, “No way!”

He glances at you and then back to the road, grin broad and sparkling in the sunlight, “Yes way.”

“You got me Like a Prayer and Music Box!” You unbuckle your seatbelt and throw your arms around his shoulders.

You can tell he’s proud of himself as you tuck Madonna into his CD player and hit play. His grin stays on his face as he watches you sing along; you even hear him humming along to the choruses of a few songs he recognizes from the radio.

It’s a three and a half hour long drive to the nearest beach– you curse Texas for being so damn long. But it’s also nice, watching Joel drive you, one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding onto your thigh where your dress doesn’t cover it. He traces circles and random shapes into your skin, eyes fixed on the road. At some point you grab his hand in both of yours and kiss his knuckles gently, before depositing it back where it belongs. He just squeezes your thigh in response.

You’re done with your tea within the first hour of the drive, which means you have to stop to pee by the second hour of the drive, so Joel stops for you in a small town off the highway and stands outside the bathroom in his short-sleeve button-up and khaki shorts (not at all intimidating if anyone asked you, he looked like a middle-aged dad on vacation) while he waits for you after he sees the cashier give you a look. You tell him he can wait in the car, that you’ll be fine, but he insists.

By the time you get to the beach, it’s around noon, so the sun is high in the sky as it shines down on you in a comforting hug of warmth. Joel, as he always does, runs to your side of the truck and opens your door for you. You give him a smile over your shoulder when he closes the door as well.

When you look out to the view in front of you, the breath knocks out of your lungs. You’ve never been to the beach in the South. You’d only gone to the beach once as a kid when your dad was having a good day. In Washington, the beaches were surrounded by bluffs of rock and the water was so cold you couldn’t really swim in them, but it was nice to stick your toes in the wet sand and go shell hunting. That’s one of the only memories that you have of your dad where he isn’t angry, where he smiles.

But the water rolling out in front of you is the bluest blue you’ve ever seen. It’s mesmerizing, watching the waves crash into the shore and each other. Seagulls squawk above you, demanding attention from the people below. The sun watches on in fascination at the beauty of the planet it warms.

The truck door slams behind you and Joel taps your back lightly, urging you forward. He has a small cooler and a couple towels thrown over his shoulder, one blue and the other purple. His free hand takes yours when you start to walk towards the shore.

He lays out the towels next to each other, overlapping slightly in the middle, out on the grains of sand and delicately places the cooler next to the blue towel.

You point to the cooler, “What’s that?”

He flops onto the blue fabric and shields his eyes as he looks up at you, “Momma made us some lunch. Said I’m useless at lunch– says I make a mean dinner, but I don’t know how to make lunch light enough for travel.”

You sit next to him on the purple towel. You wonder if he got it just for you. “Well, what momma says, goes.”

He chuckles, “Yes, it does.”

His eyes meet yours in a stare that’s so intimate and personal you think it might be inappropriate to do in front of all these people. His eyes are the prettiest shade of brown you’ve ever seen, it’s almost like honey is dripping down from his hair and into his irises. They’re soft in that way that only the people who have been through too much can convey. You need to know why their softness matches yours.

You break eye contact and make grabby-hands at the cooler, “Gimme.”

You can feel the pause in the air as he holds his stare, looking you up and down, before he does as you tell him.

You pull open the cooler and in it is a sealed bowl of cut apples (which have browned slightly, but are still beautifully crisp looking), two sandwiches you can’t yet identify the filling of, a couple arepas in a plastic bag, and two bottles of water.

A little note is attached to the top of the cooler, but Joel is quick to pull it away from your eyeshot. You try to ignore the curiosity that takes over you.

“Looks yummy,” you hum. 

He hums back, crossing his legs beneath him. “It is. My momma makes the best arepas in the world.”

“Tell your mom I said, ‘thank you for lunch’.”

“Of course, sugar.”

You fall into a comfortable silence as Joel lays out the food.

You take a bite of the arepa and moan in delight. You tell Joel you’ve never had anything better in your mouth in your life. He makes a joke that makes you choke and he loses it, slapping his legs and chortling so hard that he snorts, which makes you break out into unbridled laughter when you recover from your coughing fit.

It’s simple, easy– this thing with Joel. It feels good. It feels right.

You hear kids screaming and giggling as they run after each other, watching as they kick up sand under their feet. Parents watch on with matching grins on their faces, sitting under umbrellas with towels laid out under them. The kids make you smile too.

You can feel Joel’s eyes on you again. Maybe you just have a sixth sense for when Joel is looking at you. You wish he was always looking at you; inside and out. You wish you could rip your secrets out of your guts and give them to him and say, “Look at me. This is me.” You wish he’d show you his too.

Maybe someday.

When you’re finished with your lunch, you stand up and pull him with you up and towards the shore, leaving both of your shoes behind.

You take your first step into the water, bracing for the cold, but all you find is warmth. And you sigh in relief.

Joel’s arms wrap around your waist from behind you, his chin sitting on your shoulder, his hands gripping yours as you bring your arms up to his.

“Thank you,” he whispers into your ear.

You let out a breath of amusement, “For what?”

He kisses your shoulder, chapped lips on soft, sunkissed skin. “For being here.”

You hum.

“Let’s go find seashells.” You take his hand and drag him back towards the shore. He just nods and lets you take him wherever you want.

You spend the next hour searching the shore up and down for seashells. You find so many, that you have to take multiple trips back to your towels to deposit them. It’s good. You’ll leave most of them here for the creatures that use them as their homes, but you’ll take one home. One for you and one for Joel.

When you decide you’re done, you hand Joel your favorite– a purple and pink shell, one of the classic looking ones– and Joel hands you his– a gray shell with faint brown lines splaying out from the middle. You ask him why it’s his favorite and he says, “It’s simple. Does the job, doesn’t need to be all flashy.”

You have to stop yourself from laughing at the fact that Joel has somehow found the least interesting seashell on this beach and turned it into something beautiful and so him to you. He is so… perfect.

Your day continues, seashells stored safely in the cooler and the leftovers sprinkled back over the shore, except for a pink one that you give to a little girl who tugs on your dress and asks for it. You crouch down and hand it to her with a bright smile and a nod. You get the feeling again that Joel is watching you, observing you.

You and Joel end up in a splash fight at some point, soaked and cracking up at the shock on each other’s faces. You feel something you haven’t felt in a long time; unstoppable joy– joy that feels like it’s never going to end.

You build a sandcastle, which really ends up being more of a sand pyramid without any tools to assist you, but you love it just the same. You poke a stick into the top and call it a flag pole. Joel calls it a masterpiece, but he’s not looking at the sand, he’s looking at you.

The sun is starting to go down when Joel decides that it’s probably time to leave, but you force him to sit on the towels for a few more minutes as you watch the sun set. You can feel the sand all over you, it’s stuck in between your toes and your fingers, catches on the inside of your thighs as you rub them together in an attempt to get warmer. It’s gotten much colder as the sun goes down and your sundress is not very good at keeping in heat.

Joel wraps his arm around you and pulls you into his side. You can’t help but glance down at his lips as you lift your head up to look at him.

The sunset makes him look heavenly. The shadows of the rising night make his features look softer, makes the brown of his hair shine in the dim glow. He is beautiful. What did you do to deserve a man this beautiful to give you the time of day?

He’s looking at you too, lips open slightly and eyes roaming your face. You watch him stop on your lips a few times before you just decide to do it.

You grab his face and bring it to yours in a kiss you know you’ll remember for the rest of your life.

You knew his lips would feel like an oasis in the desert, despite the fact that they were chapped from a lack of water and his beard is slightly tickling your upper lip, but this is so intense, it feels almost better than that. Like finding the other half of your soul and fusing into one. Like entering heaven and feeling at peace for the first time in your life.

His lips are moving against yours now, tongue sneaking its way into your mouth,, but it’s not desperate. It’s searching, exploratory, like he’s trying to figure out who you are and how to make you his.

You break the kiss, the need to breathe takes over and you look up through your eyelashes at Joel, “That was…”

“Amazing, sugar. Best kiss of my life,” he breathes out.

You feel your face get hot under his gaze.

Not able to stand the feeling rushing through you, you stand and hold your hand out for him. He takes it and you help pull him up.

“Let’s get you home, baby.” He picks up your stuff and makes his way to the truck, but not without another chaste kiss from you first. You hope you’ll be getting a lot more of those in your future.

You don’t want to leave him. He feels like home.

✦ ✦ ✦

It takes a few hours, most of it humming along to the radio and staring longingly at Joel from your seat with your hand in his, but you’re back in front of your dorm. You’ve been sitting in his truck for the last couple minutes, knees tucked into your chest, as you waited for “Material Girl” to end, insisting that he had to let it play the whole song or you’d put him on some kind of hitlist. He would’ve let you do anything you wanted, threat of a hitlist or not, you know that.

When it’s done, he switches the music off and sits in the silence.

He mutters your name, “I– I got something to tell ya.”

You turn your head to look at him, it still laying on your knees. He looks scared, eyebrows furrowed and hand scratching his beard.

“Sure, anything.”

He makes you stew in the sound of the old truck rumbling for a moment while he thinks over what he’s about to say. It makes you nervous, his hesitation. 

“I’ve got a daughter.”

Your heart falls to the ground beneath you. You can’t help but lift your head and scrunch your face up in confusion.

A daughter?

You have a daughter?

Are you like him?

God, please, don’t be like him.

“Oh… Wow!”

He runs a hand through his hair, “Yeah.”

What do you say to that? How are you supposed to respond like a normal human being? 

“What’s her name?” Good enough.

“Sarah. Sarah Esperanza Miller. Gave her my momma’s name. Esperanza, that is. Her first name is Manda’s momma’s.”

“That’s a pretty name,” you reply, mystified.

A daughter.

This young man sitting in front of you is a father. You suspect you should’ve seen it sooner. Seen it in the way he holds himself, like he’s always half-awake, like he is in constant need of a nap. Seen it in the way he shows up for work with applesauce strewn across his shirt. Seen it in the way he doesn’t bother to shave for weeks at a time– lets his scruff grow into a beard before he finally decides to cut it all off again. Seen it in the way he cares so deeply, like he would give all of himself just for the people he loved to have everything they ever wanted.

But, you guess your dad was never really sober long enough for you to notice what a father should look like.

“I’d like to think so,” he chuckles lightly.

“How old is she?”

“Turned four in July. Had a princess birthday party for her. Didn’t stop wearing the damn tiara for a month afterwards,” he smiles, eyes misty like he’s reliving the memory right in front of you.

“Well, if I had a tiara, I’d wear it all the time too.” You let out a little breath of a laugh.

He chuckles, “I bet you would, sugar.”

He looks you up and down, evaluating your reaction to his news. You don’t know what he sees, because if you’re honest, you don’t know what you feel.

He nods once, looking back out to the street in front of you. Guess he found what he was looking for.

“Manda got pregnant when we were seventeen. Stupid– didn’t use protection like we should’ve. We had just graduated high school when she gave birth to Sarah. Got married a couple months after that cause our daddy’s told us we had to, especially hers. He told her she was a whore, kicked her out the house, told her he’d never let her step into his house again if we didn’t get married like we were supposed to.

“Supposed to,” he scoffs, “We should’ve never got married. She was a free-spirit. Never liked being in one place for long. A couple weeks after Sarah’s second birthday, she left us. Nothing but a note and the divorce papers.”

He sighs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

Twenty-two and a single-father. You think he might be the bravest man you’ve ever met.

“Anyways,” he sighs, looking back to you, “Sarah’s my whole life. Everything I do is for her. And I know that’s a lot, ‘specially cause we’re so young and you’re still in school. I don’t wanna put that kinda’ pressure on you. So, this is me givin’ you an out, if you want it.”

You tilt your head to him as he continues, “But, I just want you to know that I’m all in–” he points to you and then him– “this, us– I’m all in.”

This is a tipping point. Whatever decision you made was going to change everything. If you said no, you were never going to see this man again– this man who just gave you one of the best days of your life and respected you and liked you. You wouldn’t even be able to give him a chance to show you how great life with him could be. But if you said yes, you would be committing to a relationship with a man who was already so grown-up, a man with a child. Would that make you… would that make you a mother if it all worked out with Joel?

“This is… a lot,” you mutter, eyes flicking to his hunched frame, highlighted in the dim, flickering glow of the street lights surrounding you.

Your lungs aren’t filling all the way. You can’t breathe.

His face falls, hopeful eyes going misty. “Yeah, it’s alright– I understand.”

Oh no, that’s not what you meant.

“But– I… Joel, this is a lot,” you blurt out, both hands flying out to grab his right hand, “But, I wanna give it some thought. Can I… Can I have some time to think about this?”

The softness comes back to his face, “Of course, sugar. Take all the time you need.”

His hand shifts between yours so it takes your left and he squeezes it lightly.

“Thank you. For telling me.” You squeeze back. Tears are stinging your eyes, desperate to escape their prison, to show the man in front of you that you aren’t ready for this, aren’t made for this. It takes everything in you to keep them at bay.

“Thank you for not bolting,” he chuckles, “I tried dating once since Manda left and… let’s just say it did not go too well.”

His face scrunches up in mock disgust and you laugh lightly. Your chest hurts with the effort. You feel the overwhelming need to bolt.

You hesitate, hand reaching for the door blindly behind you, “I’ve gotta– I’ve gotta go. I’ve got a lot of assignments to do tomorrow. But, I’ll call you. Later.”

He looks you up and down, smile fading, scrutinizing gaze evaluating you. Please, you beg to anyone who will listen, please don’t let him see it.

He nods, face expressionless, “Okay. See ya.”

He saw.

You open the door and climb out. You turn around and grab the lowered window in a last ditch effort to comfort yourself, maybe him too. He is real. He is kind. He is not him.

“This isn’t goodbye, Joel.” You hope that isn’t a lie. 

He nods. You think you might see his eyes glistening when they catch the light. You can’t breathe.

You want to kiss him so badly that it hurts to pull away, like ripping your soul apart and leaving it open and bloody for everyone to watch as you bleed out.

Your hand falls back to your side. And you jog across the street and walk to the door of your building. Walk, not bolt.

✦ ✦ ✦

Joel curses himself as he watches you walk away, dress swaying in the wind of the oncoming rain.

Why didn’t he say something sooner?

Fuck.

He can’t breathe. Can’t even get himself to leave.

He thought he found it, someone who he could let into his life, but of course he had to fuck that up like he always does.

He wasn’t lying when he had told you that he was all in. He thinks maybe he was being dramatic or just trying too hard to get you to stay, but he understands now, breath not quite getting to his lungs, that he meant it. Meant every word of it.

He scared you. He didn’t want to scare you anymore with his self-inflicted hurt, so he made sure you didn’t see it– left his face stoic as you walked away. He hopes that didn’t scare you either.

His chest burns. It hurts. But he needs to get home. Tommy is waiting for him. Sarah is waiting for him.

“Fuck,” he yells, slamming his hands into the steering wheel. And he drives away, tears blurring his vision and raindrops falling heavily on his windshield

✦ ✦ ✦

When you open the door to your room, you can hear moaning coming from Elaine’s side of the room. The curtain around her bed is drawn, a red glow emanating from the pink, strawberry-covered curtain.

You debate turning around, sitting in one of the band practice rooms in the basement and wait for Elaine to page you to say you can come up. You’ve done it before. She hadn’t been very happy with you afterwards, demanding that next time you just subtly announce your arrival and she would stop and send her partner on their way.

Before you can even end the debate in your mind, the door shuts loudly behind you and the moaning stops abruptly.

You wince as you hear rustling, swears and what you can only assume is clothing being thrown. A few moments later, Elaine’s messy hair peeks out of the curtain and she squints her eyes in the darkness to see you. 

“Hey, baby girl. What’s going on?”

You hear a woman’s voice come quietly from behind her, “Who the fuck is that?”

She hushes them, holding a finger up to her lips.

Turning back to you, she sighs, “Are you alright, baby?”

You sniff, voice watery, “Yeah, I just wanted to go to bed, but I can go.”

Elaine’s eyes go wide as she disappears behind the curtain again and hisses, “You have to leave.”

Dread runs down your spine.

You hadn’t meant to ruin her… whatever this was.

You hear them talk to each other in hushed tones, but you can’t hear exactly what they’re saying. It doesn’t matter. You just need to get out.

You turn to leave, heaving breaths only filling your lungs halfway. Fuck, fuck, fuck…

You hear Elaine’s stern voice as she yells at you from behind the fabric, “If that’s you leaving, I will kill you. Stay where you are.”

You freeze.

A woman stumbles out of Elaine’s heightened bed and barely makes it to the ground standing. She glares at you, as she fumbles to put her heels back on. She looks mean. She looks exactly like Elaine’s type.

“I am so sorry–”

“Don’t you dare apologize to her. She is fine,” Elaine cuts you off as she slides gracefully out of her bed and lands with a soft thud on the carpet. She’s got mascara running down her face and she’s wearing a baby tee and men’s boxers like she always is– this time it’s Barbie’s decapitated head on a pink background and gray shorts. Despite the fact that she looks like she just had sex (which she had, or was trying to before you had fucking interrupted her), she looks gorgeous.

“But, I–”

She puts a finger up in the air, silencing you.

Elaine’s blonde is done putting her shoes on and is at the door with a scowl on her face, “E, you cannot be serious.”

“Go away before I punch you in the boob,” she states with a finality that makes the girl turn around and go, but not without rolling her eyes first.

Before the door is even done shutting behind her, Elaine is hugging you fiercely and pulling back before you even get the chance to melt into it, cupping your cheeks in her hands.

“What the fuck happened, baby?”

Your mind is off the blonde already. She holds you while you cry, and you try to take deep breaths that just stop short in your lungs. She cares– she has always cared.

You tell her about the drive there and the CDs that he had bought just for you and the seashells (fuck the seashells) and the way he held you as you watched the sunset together and…

“A child, Lane! He has a daughter. How could he not tell me he had a daughter?”

Elaine is spinning around in her desk chair, chest squished into the backrest, face turned up at the ceiling, her long, curly, red hair bouncing as it swirls around her. This is her thinking position.

You’re pacing back and forth, still in the dress and sandals you wore to the beach. You think you might be trailing sand into the rug below you. You’ll vacuum it later when you’re not absolutely panicking. 

“Well, maybe he was scared.” She gets louder and quieter as her spinning pulls her voice around the room.

You throw your hands up in the air. “Well, now I’m scared!”

She hums, spinning coming to a stop. 

“Is it a good scared or a bad scared?”

You turn to her with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows, “What could that possibly mean?”

“It means are you scared that you like him too much, or are you scared you don’t like him enough?”

You blink at her, wide eyes trained on her own.

Slowly, you back up to your bed and jump onto the edge with a huff. Fuck. She knew you too well.

You think of his strong hands and his soft eyes. How he talks so candidly about his adoring mother and his troubled brother. How he lights up when he talks about his guitar. How he held you on the beach. How he so obviously loves his daughter. How you love that he loves so deeply.

Love.

You shrink into yourself, arms wrapping around your bent knees, nose tucking into the space between your legs.

“Too much.”

You can hear her brain working from the other side of the room, her nails clicking together as her mouth tries to catch up with her brain.

“Is this really a bad thing?”

Your head whips out from its hiding place, “What?”

She shrugs, “I mean, I don’ know. You like him and if he has a kid, and is supporting her well, doesn’t that mean he’s mature? That he might be a good person to depend on? To love?”

Love.

You can follow her logic– you’d thought the exact same thing yourself.

“But, that means that I have to mother a child. I don’t know how to be a mother! You know I don’t know how to do that,” you ramble.

She scoffs, getting up from her chair and making her way over to you, “No, it don’t. Baby, you have no idea what this means. You told me that he knew this might be too much, especially since you’re so young. And I know that you don’t do too well with parental figures.”

You nod slowly. She’s right. She’s always right.

She smiles, taking your face in her hands again, “Tell him how you feel. Make it clear to him that you wanna try with him and that you have reservations about the whole ‘daughter’ thing. I think it’s good that he told you before it was too late.”

You search her green eyes for a sign, for something to latch onto. To tell you this is a bad idea. To leave him behind. But all you find is her usual raw honesty and adoration for you. She wouldn’t tell you to do something you weren’t ready for.

“‘Sides, you ain’t even fucked him yet, so that can really determine if he’s worth the time or not.”

She giggles as you push her away from you with your feet on her chest.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t, baby girl.”

You hold a hand out to her and she takes it, soft hand enveloping yours. Pulling her into your chest, you sigh and wrap your arms around her shoulders and your legs around her waist– a common position for the two of you. Elaine jokingly refers to it as your “clingy sloth” hug.

“No… I don’t.”

✦ ✦ ✦

To: Joel

From: Me

i wanna try, but we need to talk

series masterlist | masterlist of all masterlists 🌼 | eras masterlist 🌻

[depraved-gf]

PART 1 OF 3.5 [PREMATURELY ENDED]

**There will be no more updates unfortunately. I've been ghosted. :(

MASSIVE TW'S: CNC, STALKING, RAPE FANTASY, ETC ETC. Basically if you are triggered by intense, dark kinks or sex, please do not read. I do not censor words.

*tagging under #repressedh0e's adventures

Aight so, I can't tell anyone else this because they'd probably call the cops lmao, but I know I can tell y'all freaksss about what happened today. Essentially, I'm being VERY marinated in a cnc stalking scenario for the very first time... Finally! And according to him, it's going to be a very slow burn for anticipation.

--------------

So, I've been talking to this local guy for a lil bit that's very, very much into cnc just like I am (and y'all, he's a whole FOOT AND 2 INCHES taller than me, and has the biggest fucking cock I've ever seen. I'm not even lying - this man is going to rip my little, only-had-sex-with-one-person body to SHREDS). Once we both got a good vibe, we moved towards more kinky territory, talking about safe words, limits, and scenarios for when we eventually meet. He then asked me to send a single photo outside of my bedroom window, and promised he'd find me.

Intrigued, I sent it. I can see my city from my window. Beautiful, really.

But within 15 minutes, he sent me a live snap of my apartment building with the caption: Found you, princess. After losing my shit (in a good way), I confirmed it was my building, and he said he actually lives really close by.

I suspect you're in a corner apartment, 2nd or 3rd story, I'm not sure yet but I'll figure it out. I say nothing. I'm not giving any hints. I'm impressed by his perception at this point. But I am, in fact, on a corner on the 2nd story. How will you figure that out? I ask in innocent curiosity. All I get back is a 🤫 emoji.

And then, maybe 3 hours later, I get a random snap - a chat that simply says, I have a question, Isa. I told him to shoot, go ahead and ask!, and again, he simply asks:

Do you have a fan in your window?

I freak the fuck out (again, in a good way), and confirm that, um, yes... I enjoy the cold, and why do you ask?

About a second goes by, and he sends a live snap of MY 2ND STORY BEDROOM WINDOW with the caption, You can't see me, but I can see you.

How the FUCK this man was able to tell it was my window in a fully wrapped around 6 story apartment building, just by the angle of my one photo, was astounding. I was truly perplexed.

I then get another ding before I can truly wrap my brain around what was happening.

Turn your light off.

I do as I'm told.

I then receive a live video of my bedroom window, with the light shutting off.

I freak out a third time (y'all already know I'm soaking by now), but I realize I couldn't see him. There were 4 cars a little ways down the street, parked in the night. Any of them could've been him. None of them could've been him. I can't see you.. Is all I managed to type out through trembling fingers. It was so intense, and I was so turned on, I barely knew what I was saying at this point.

His response: Good. Let's keep it that way... For now.

Not long after as I'm continuing to try to look into any and every vehicle, I receive a live video. It's him stroking his massive cock in his car with the caption, You know what I want.

Y'all. When I say I about came undone, I MEAN IT. My heart is pounding, my pussy and inner thighs are both absolutely drenched. The moment is so thick with sexual tension, and I'm so entranced in it, I could've sworn I saw god at that point lmao.

But I continue looking out the window, my light still off so I can see into the night. But nothing. All is still. And finally, the car in the very front down the street slowly drives away.

About 5 minutes go by, and it feels like a lifetime, before I receive a chat: You're so close to me. I'll be watching. Waiting. Checking on you every time I go out. Stroking my cock outside your apartment until the day I can finally tear those holes apart.

--------------

Y'all, I... have been dreaming of living out a stalking scenario since I started becoming interested in sex as a teenager. I begged my ex, and while they were into cnc, it was never like this.

Never in my life did I ever imagine these scenarios to be so intense in real life. It's so damn different when it's really happening. Intense, I use that word a lot but there's legitimately no other way to explain it. Exhilarating, even. Psychologically it fucks with you, because you truly never know when they're looking at you. He could be outside right now as I'm typing this, stroking that huge cock, thinking about raping my holes, and I genuinely wouldn't know it. And it turns me on so, so much.

I absolutely cannot wait to see what else happens. 🫣

***DISCLAIMER: yes, I'm being safe!! I've told my roommate and another good friend all about him/the entire situation and the man was of course good with that as well. I'm very willing in this situation, and incredibly aware of any red flags that could arise, pls don't worry<3***

[watchingblsnowandforever]

We Are Ep.14: Part 1/3

Hello!!! =D

Welcome back to my crack posts!

Part 2, Part 3

Ep 14 ruined me, just so y'all know. I'm honestly scared for what the next episode will do to me. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

Warning: long, long post 😊😅 (also divided into three parts this time because I wanted to screenshot the whole damn thing, but this is next best)

I did not expect Q to be the one to stand up for Phum, but I wasn't really surprised after the last ep. Previously, he'd be the first one to go up in arms, but he's starting to understand maybe everything isn't that straightforward, and despite his friends meddling in his own relationship, he wants to leave Peem alone.

Conclusion: he's a very good friend.

Of course. I should've known something like this would come up 😭

Of course they've taken baths together.

I love this friendship so much.

You again. 😶 I swear to the gods, this guy will give me high blood pressure or something. Please please just leave Peem, alone. Learn to take a 'no' and mantain social distancing.

Peem... you're too kind for your own good. (I get it though)

You have no right to say that, especially without knowing the full story. But I'm feeling kind, so you're still a (mostly) decent human to me. Try not to ruin that impression. And never, ever again say anything to my babie Phum. Ever.

Oh my gods my heart broke for Tan 🥺 Here he was, probably never having dated after he fell for Fang, so knowing that Fang had dated even after whatever they went through must be so painful to him.

FANG KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG AND HOW TO FIX IT.

Just like we see Tan waving away Fang's insecurities every time, Fang does the very same for Tan.

I love them. <33

🥺🫶🏼

They're both so whipped-

Fai: I didn't see anything 👀😗 (we all know she's fangirling so hard inside)

Fai is me, I am Fai.

No but, Phum, are you sure Peem staring at you for a long time won't make your heart race?

Whipped. They're both so goddamn whipped. *sighs fondly*

The horns I'm dying 😭😂

Phum wasn't even surprised 😭👍🏼

Okay, not the best impromptu band performance/concert I've seen, but this is Thai BL, and they need some music and at least like 10 scenes with some band to pass whatever standard of approval, so I'll let it slide. Also, I'm terribly fond of these idiots. <3

HANDS.

They're besties for a reason hehe

You're asking the question, but are you ready for the answer?

I have already gone crazy over this too many times, I really don't have the energy anymore.

Peem is definitely winning Best Non-Confession Confession of the Year Award.

Are we still talking about the painting, or...?

Honestly though, when he was saying this I got actual flashbacks of Phum kicking the ball into his painting and how their relationship developed from there till where they are right now.

HE-

He named it "Happy" because it's all the things that make him happy. 😶

I had to pause here to take a deep breath so I didn't break out in tears two eps in a row.

WHAT IS THIS SERIES DOING TO ME.

Also, taken together, they are a story in 3 pics.

I'm just gonna go sob in the corner.

When faced with that smile and that "na, Peem, na" how could he ever deny Phum anything 😭

Textbook definition of a blushing boy who just became boyfriends with his crush the boy he loves. <3

No, he thinks he's a babygirl and rightfully so.

THIS HUG. That's it. That's all I have to say. I have no words for how this made me feel, and will make me feel for the rest of the forseeable future.

I end Part 1 here. Part 2 and 3 will be out tomorrow (because they are quite a bit long and I have Thoughts about them that I need to write in detail)!

If you've gotten this far, thank you so much for reading!! 😊

Here, have a taco 🌮

[rottmnt-residuum]

Any other LGBTQ+ Headcannons that are canon is the comic??;)

*patiently awaits Cupioromantic Donnie*

hmm... had to think about this for a while and talk about it with co-author, but here's what we got. we mostly base this stuff on how plausible it is in show/if there's evidence for it. with a dash of personal experience. This only applies to residuum, btw. I have different personal headcanons for these characters outside the comic.

april: lesbian. this is mostly based off of the fact that most aprils get with their caseys & the comment she said to dale. which could be taken as disinterest in dale specifically, but she seemed more concerned with impressing that popular girl earlier and that reads as more... saphic, i suppose. or at the very least homoromantic.

raph: raph is just raph. we look at him and basically just *tv static*. go crazy. all we got is jokes or stuff that has too little evidence to support. so, yeah, he's whatever you want him to be i guess?

leo: trans. already said my reason in the other post. also, gay. if gay were a power source he could power the entirety of the united states for five months straight without a single power outage. failing power grid notwithstanding (< thats the actual word. its supposed to be mushed together like that. wack.).

donnie: as much as i'd like him to be ace/aro spectrum rep, he just doesn't have the evidence in show for us to apply it to him in this comic. it's funny, for being hc as ace so often he sure is the most outwardly romantic/sexual turtle in the show lmao. one! cherry: "you're so cute, but you're so mean! why do i always go for your type?" two! astrogirl?? (whatever her name is) he is very very romantic with her. he has a type y'all. also just look at those two, he's a leg man lmao (bootyyshaker9000 anyone? ha!) anyway. and with the bromance/instant chemistry he had with that one guy in the purple dragons... Pan. or possibly Omni as he does seem to favor... cute brutal femme... Yeah. Omnisexual.

(you have no idea how fucking bad i want this boy to be ace spectrum. hes got the colors y'all!! The Colors!!!!! but alas... i am bound by my canon plausibility creed for this comic)

mikey: ace. possibly ace/aro. he shows interest in literally no-one. we're aware that the common hc is pan but... we know a pan 13 year old, and let me tell you ahahahaha, kids going through puberty are very uncomfortable to be around sometimes, especially around their partners. or crushes. and mikey... well, that boy is ace behavior personified lmao. aces in the back you get what we mean right?? right??? anyway commiting to aroace

[edennill]

1st age Beleriand dashboard Simulator

🌫️ mithrim-noldo following

Yeah, Thingol kind of flew off the handle with banning Quenya and all that, but why on Arda are people now justifying the Kinslaying in response?? have some nuance and also, that's just plain horrible.

✨ btw-this-is-hopeless following

hope it's fine to copy your tags, mithrim, because they're great:

#I mean I know this is probably because they've taken part in the kinslaying themselves #but #can't you just admit you did wrong and move on? #in so far as it is possible because of course forgetting would be disrespectful and unwise #because the consequences are with us still #but it should be way more comfortable than being on your defences all the time #always ready to rationalize or deny #with a conscience you cannot silence

✴️ eightpointedstar83

I am tired of typing this out again and again but Alqualondë could have been averted had the teleri been less self-centred and readier to cooperate. Thingol is just another example of this attitude. But of course, please deny that the third clan is what it is and pin the blame on the people who saved everyone's skins.

We have done nothing wrong and yet our own people are turning on us. One day you will rue this.

Long live the house of Fëanor!

💝 heart-in-a-box

This is just the sort of behaviour OP was talking about.🤦‍♀️

🌫️ mithrim-noldo following

Admittedly, this seems to be a fanatical Fëanorian and more committed than the average apologist of his/her own actions - but yes.

#current events #thingol's quenya ban #my post

11,062 notes

🧝🏼‍♂️maglorfeanorion following

finished another canto of the noldolante today

🌖 hunters-moon

you have a tumblr account??!

🧝🏼‍♂️ maglorfeanorion following

do I know you?

🌖 hunters-moon

yes :)

🧝🏼‍♂️ maglorfeanorion following

wait - yeah, I do...

which of the twins are you?

🌖 hunters-moon

how did you know😮???

👨🏻‍🦰red-haired-twin

he looked through your blog, nitwit :)

🧝🏼‍♂️maglorfeanorion following

I guess I shouldn't be surprised to find you two out of all possible people on here...

so - which is which?

36 notes

🌸 a-flower-in-the-snow following

himring winters are horrible and I hate my parents for bringing me to middle-earth

#rant #children of exilse #i meant #children of exiles #coe

4 notes

🏞️ the-wide-earth-unexplored following

Y'all weren't joking when y'all said the Sirion is impressive...

(more photos under cut)

read more

#photography #nature photography #nature #sirion #falls of sirion

213 notes

🖼️ wonder-the-earth

is it still a secret city when everyone is talking about it?

👰🏼‍♀️ celebrin following

that's a good question

21 notes

👤 incessant-leaves following

It makes me sick to see all those positive nostalgic posts about the Mereth Aderthad. How pretty the pools of Ivrin were or weren't doesn't change the fact that THE NOLDOR WERE HIDING THE TRUTH ABOUT THE KINSLAYING THE WHOLE TIME. Yeah "everyone was kind" back then. You were feasting together with people whose cousins you had killed and have the audacity to complain they don't like you as much anymore. I don't care if you're a Sinda or a Noldo who "didn't take part in it" - if you say anything positive about it I'm blocking you.

#mereth aderthad #the truth about ivrin

159, 307 notes

💎 lord-maedhros-is-the-true-king

Things they don't want you to know about Fëanaro:

read more

157 notes

🏹 huntingprincess following

with all due respect, gondolin is the most boring place in the world.

🌼 golden-flower

it's not. but you're entitled to your opinion.

🌌 daughterofdoriath following

if only all debates on here were as civil...

👤 incessant-leaves

OP is a kinslayer apologist. Didn't you check that out before you started praising them?

🌌 daughterofdoriath following

*throws hands up*

I was admiring that one exchange.

(and this was actually more about @golden-flower's response than about OP)

*sighs*

#this site...

2009 notes

image used for Sirion: link

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

My reactions to episode 7 of season 2 of Criminal Minds Evolution

The only thing I know about this episode is that it's fucked up

Spoilers below the cut!

(TW: loss of a child under the cut)

oh, acid showers. lovely.

oh god the hair melting off the scalp. no WONDER i got warnings for this episode

drowning in acid. Lovely!!!

oh this IS fucked up.

Garvez in the same room! Yay! Crumbs!

Have I mentioned I love JJ and Luke's friendship?

Penelope with all the pretty flowers on her dress!! she looks so good in this scene

Penelope is just straight-up STARING at Luke

TARA WITH THE SLICKED BACK HAIR SHE'S SO GORGEOUS I LOVE HER

Emily reading Tyler to shit over his handwriting? Iconic.

Look I kinda love Tyler. AS HIS OWN SEPARATE CHARACTER AWAY FROM PENELOPE. When he's with literally ANYONE else, he's great.

Tara i see those heart eyes for Emily

"Mr. Sensitive" help i SNORTED

Why is Rossi so against contacting Jill? Forbidding her?

Okay so my theory was correct. The victim at the beginning sexually assaulted the unsub's wife, and this baby is a product of that.

Look Tyler is adorable, okay? When he's interacting with the rest of the team, I love him.

"Just what Garcia told me" I wasn't under the impression that they talked much???? Especially about this kind of stuff.

They're just turning Tyler into their puppy and i'm here for it

Voit's Lawyer! finally!

He's really offering to END his lawyer's ex wife???

ooh that shot through all the car windows is cool

"I just want you to be you" please god tell me she's not saying "clearly you have a way of winning over/seducing older blonde women and i need you to do that"

"I don't wanna be that guy." Yes Tyler!! Growth!!

"just fuckin drive" emily i love you. I also love this friendship dynamic.

JJ: Maybe Penelope can help us find [the connection.] Luke: Penelope! Yes! Let's go see Penelope! I love Penelope! (he loves her it's canon)

LUKE SITTING ON THE DESK LUKE SITTING ON THE DESK

LUKE THE SMIRK??? THE HEART EYES??? oh my GOD

"It's why you and I are finally friends" DAMN FATALITY

"finally" with the smirk I LOVE THEM SO MUCH HOLY FUCK

I just know JJ is sitting there like "are y'all gonna stop flirting for two seconds"

THEIR SMILES OH MY GOD THEY'RE JUST SO THRILLED TO BE AROUND EACH OTHER THEY'RE SO IN LOVE.

"thanks frieeend" I LOVE THEM BY THAT DELIVERY WAS SO FUNNY. Also he touched her arm/back

The way they're calling each other "friend" is literally so flirty.

PLEASE tell me someone has done a gifset comparing "we thrive as frenemies" to "it's why you and I are finally friends."

Also the way that means she literally just called him TREASURE????

I just know that as Luke was saying "thanks frieeeend" he was thinking "thanks, friend, i love youuu"

THIRD HOTCH MENTION OF THE SEASON GODDAMN

Hotch, Morgan, and Reid all in the SAME SCENE damn

I love Jill already

Ooh, fiancé not fiancée

"I loved Jason" "He loved you back" I'M IN SHAMBLES ACTUALLY

Emily did you just say that David Rossi ISN'T dramatic???

Tyler and i are JUST as fucking confused

"The next generation of the BAU" really reminds me of how much younger than all of them he is which just makes me feel icky about Greencia all over again

Luke leading the profile delivery! Getting his moment! We love to see it!

Oh shit the doctor is spilling ALL the tea

I wonder if the baby is dead, a delusion

This is dark.

Wait, are the baby AND the mother dead??? Oh that would make sense for why the guy puked when he saw her. It was a skeleton

this really is a luke heavy ep and i am here for it

oh god yeah that's... fucked.

They need to start putting some god damn trigger warnings on this show

Luke looks genuinely SAD for this man.

They can give Voit a corded phone? this feels like a risk of some sort

A kill kit??? we didn't leave that behind last season??

"Do not, for any reason, open it." and ofc he opens it right away

JILL AND PENELOPE HUG MY HEARTTTT

Tara and Tyler friendship!

Oh Jilllll. I wanna hug her.

That scene with Jill walking around touching everything... oh my heart. Aisha Tyler you ate with that.

[waytothewoods]

Hey kiddo (idk your age, tbh I call everyone kiddo I’m a teacher),

I have been following your game development since it’s conception. I know you’ve got a lot on your shoulders. I know it must be weighing on you. I want you to know, no matter when or if this game comes to fruition, I am so impressed by your creativity and skills. This game and concept had its hooks in me from day one.

I hope you are doing well. I hope life is treating you decently (which is all most of us can hope for). I hope you have people around you to encourage you. And I hope you never, ever lose your creative spark.

While I have been stoked for this game, if it never comes to full fruition, that’s OKAY. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart and soul. You have talent. You have a gift. You have creativity. Wherever that leads you, whether that’s the finish this game or make another or to just make art for yourself, i hope you nurture that part of you. You deserve to enjoy your creativity. You deserve to just be you.

I hope this message sends the correct vibes. I know connotation can be lost through written word. But I mean this with my whole being. No matter what path you go down, no matter what happens with this game, your next game/project/etc. You are valid. You are amazing and you are incredibly talented.

I see so much beauty ahead of you. I see so much creativity thru your talent and love for creating.

Please never stop creating. Not for others, but for yourself. You have so much to give. Make sure, regardless of anything else, you give to yourself.

the fact that someone out there took the time to write this is why the world is beautiful. i'm saving this message for my wall! it's been much needed. your students are very lucky to have your energy in their lives -- needless to say, i've been in my cave for the past years tinkering on this game for y'all. just took a long time! (hey. workin hard, so i can please u.gif) i can't wait for you to play what's been brewing. it's taking a little longer as we cross the last hurdles, but this is the deer year. -- i'm sending the same energy to anyone reading this that's making anything. it seems the world is become colder toward emerging artists, but screw it... we make shit for the joy of it ^_^ actually, i wanted to ask: what're you're all working on? what have deer game fans been making in their time?

[cringefail-hermitry]

I've been wanting to make a post like this for a while now, and well, having just finished a crucial stage of my life, I think this is a good a time as any.

It's gonna be a long one

Like, *LONG* long

Like, I Am Going To Mention Every Single One Of My Mutuals By Name long (if you'd rather not be tagged in the future, do warn me)

First of all, the primary purpose of this post is as a letter of thanks for the wonderful months you Tumblr peeps have provided me this year. I am not hesitant to say joining the hellsite was the single best decision I have made in the last 12 months, heck, I think about 2/3rds of the friends I mantain regular contact with nowadays came from here. But this wouldn't be a long post if it was just a brief "thanks y'all for improving my life". I'm gonna get into detail. And I'm gonna be sappy about it. You can't stop me. You're not my mother. And not even my mother could stop me from posting this.

I would've said "I thought long and hard about who I'd start with", if there was any question about it. There isn't. @tearychildren, where do I even fucking begin. I can't really say anything too specific because if I begin I don't think I'll stop and half this post is gonna be about you, and this is already a very long post, so I'm just going to leave it at this, you already know well enough just how much you matter to me.

Going onwards, another of the early spots goes to who I believe was my first mutual, definitely one of the first people I followed, @chlorohexidine, a long-time mutual and recent good friend, our daily chats, however short, never cease to be highlights of my days, your art is really cute (love me some rounded shapes) and brainstorming ideas for your TTRPG campaigns is always fun (I really like your worldbuilding, too). It's only fair to mention your (and my, just needed to make this segue well) good friend @xsenpi, infodumping touhou to you both genuinely got me through that month, and Undertale 2: Revenge of The Robots with Rei and TC has been a blast so far.

@soundsofastar is another that warrants special mention for actually changing my brain chemistry and making me appreciate the local wildlife even more than usual (if we ever meet in person, WE ARE GOING ON A NICE LONG WALK TO LOOK AT BIRDS TOGETHER, WHEREVER IT IS WE ARE WHEN THAT HAPPENS, MARK MY WORDS). Your art also makes me feel things. Not many things make me feel stuff a lot. That is impressive. I should be in a good spot to finish reading the Illuminae Files within the next few days, so please do pester me about it, otherwise the piece of media that the next person I'll talk about recommended to me will consume all the time I'd read it in.

So, the next person I'll talk about, @northwest-cryptid, thanks for letting me use our DMs as my Mabinotepad, and for getting me into Mabinogi in the first place, you've been both the direct and the indirect cause of many good times, and I gotta be honest I kinda admire you a lil' bit (and if you know anything about how I talk, I am horrible at expressing vulnerability, admiration and these sorts of emotions without a bunch of euphemisms unless I'm doing this sort of tangent where I attempt to talk about myself in a more depersonalized way, so what that sentence there essentially means is "I admire you a lot and you are an inspiration").

Another pivotal figure in how this year shaped out is @ratlesshonret, creator of The Bird Nest, site of many good times, who has exposed me and many others to some wonderful media (I AM GOING TO FINISH POCKET MIRROR SOMETIME, MARK MY WORDS), reading through all the chats in the server is usually a blast, too. Your contributions to my life cannot be understated. Seriously, thanks.

The next great friend I'll mention is @transgender-lea-crosscode, we've started talking more only recently, but have already bonded a fair bit, I reckon, damn you're good at Blazblue. You've dared to make me good at the game and for that, I commend you. You should say words about Zeroranger in my general direction sometime, I'd be happy to hear/read them.

Now for those mutuals that I don't really speak to, but are responsible for like, 75% of my total notes, like, everyone is more than welcome to jump into my DMs and start talking about anything whenever, but y'all specifically are folk I'd have started talking with regularly ages ago if I knew what to talk about. @hoshinoreika2004, @ward-leon, @edenplumreal, @tabnk2, @tapok-eve , @boofbv and @sorcerousbrick, thanks for all the lil' dopamine hits.

Shoutouts to @wretchedbirdthing for being normal about that bird, you're a blast to see on my dash and I wish you luck snapping those collarbones in twain to hear those gay little squawks.

@freiflies and @ottisbuns, alongside Tapok, Vic and Honret, y'all bring life into The Bird Nest, and although I haven't really shown up much there recently, I still read most of everything, the words are cool, keep up the good work!

@genericgirl420 and @mikusays-transrights, you two are the mutuals that suffer the least with The Distances, so let's do this in a more, well, local fashion. É genuinamente bom ver que a comunidade brasileira do tumblr está ativa e saudável, aumenta minhas esperanças de encontrar outras criaturinhas desse site maligno pelas ruas, sua presença, por si só, já melhora meus ânimos, por isso, agradeço profundamente.

Ok back to speaking in simplified Old German. This next section goes out to @lemocoffe and @teacup-of-doom, both of whom I haven't really interacted much, but what little there was was quite great, this is, in fact, an invite to do more of the interact-y thing. Y'all are cool.

Another shoutout to a frequent view on my dash, @lobotomise-me-please, whose "Boobs Girl Music" post still has 10k notes to me, I'll get back to mass reblogging it someday (if y'all wanna help, check out @boobsgirlmusic for the post, that's my Boobs Girl Music sideblog where I reblog Boobs Girl Music)

@aurora-veil, @limbuscompanyyuri and @thevanishedpeople-intothenight are up next, some of my first mutuals, y'all post good. And have been doing so consistently. For the past like, 9 months or so. That's impressive.

@meltingadoration, @holyitsquiverrflynn and @jestressofnihil, my more recent moots, there hasn't been much time to do the friendship-building and knowing each other thing, but all that means is that there's still many opportunities for that, which is cool.

Last but not least, the mutuals who I haven't quite gotten to know as well, but I'm inviting to chat anytime, @readysetgargoyle, @atlasmothss, @meeresengel, @flesh-borne, @b-kut, @aureatecenotaph, @risingdragonblade, @agender-witchery (your posts helped me immensely in figuring out gender, thanks for that) and @lich-of-lcorp. Y'all are cool, we should talk more.

And one last section for all those who I've been in touch with but aren't mutuals with, for any and all reasons (I do tend to reblog very, well, erratically), y'all deserve to be on this list, but I just didn't wanna bother you too much (I do have words of thanks to say though, if you want them, just ask).

This post is still too short to express how thankful I am for y'all existing. I don't think text could ever do it justice.

[irish-urn]

Hey, I just found out that there was a mini lfd fandom on here and I immediately binged all your fanfic! I've seen you mention stuff about the costume dept that worked on the show maybe playing into Dasey, could you maybe expand on that because I'd love to hear your thoughts. <3

HIIIII. Welcome to our little corner of the internet! We are indeed active and (if you're a dasey shipper), we even have a discord where we yammer at each other, so, uh let me know if you're interested in that so I can direct you to the appropriate inviting parties.

(also, if you ever wanna talk about my stories, I am a needy gremlin)

First of all, this is probably gonna be long because despite my English degree, I am a rambler of the highest order (you can tell because my fics are all suuuuuper long). Secondly, I don't have any screenshots to share, so I'll try to be as descriptive as possible, because I genuinely don't have the time to go back and get screenshots (sorry y'all). Thirdly, I AM still in the midst of re-watching the showing all the way through, so all my examples are gonna be from the first half -- BUT DON'T WORRY, I'LL KEEP NOTICING THEM AS I GO -- and fourthly: I wanna talk a little bit about WHY I notice costume choices.

So, I am not a fashion guru or someone who keeps up on trends BUT I am someone who was taught that, as a writer, showing is better than telling. How does a TV show or movie show us things about a character? Costumes are a major part; and I've watched enough behind-the-scenes and read some ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING costume meta from other fandoms, that I think it's fair to say that costumes are speaking VOLUMES. There are whole posts (from, again, other fandoms) on colour theory and I'll touch on that a fair bit; or we could simply talk about how well the clothes sit on the person probably says a lot about how they either view themselves OR want others to view them.

For instance: as a general rule, Casey's clothes are (1) far more form-fitting than Derek's; and (2) overall far more 'put together as a whole' than Derek's. Now, we can be cynical and attribute that to capitalism and sex selling (although Michael Seater is an attractive dude and I wouldn't have been put off by a shirt showing off his arms); OR we could look at it and say: What does this say about Casey and Derek?

Well, we COULD say that it means that Casey is far more comfortable with herself than Derek is. Derek's clothes are far looser, and he often wears layers (jackets over shirts or one shirt over another shirt). Now, partially this was the fashion of the time, but ignore that for a second: this means that Derek is HIDING parts of himself from the world. He's covering himself in literal and figurative layers so that people don't see him naked and vulnerable. Casey, for all that she's clumsy and a nerd and sees herself as not being popular, is also very clearly HERSELF. She loudly proclaims injustices; she runs for class president; she goes up against a bully to protect her stepbrother even though her boyfriend asks her not to... You see where I'm going with this? Derek pretends he doesn't have feelings and bottles them all inside, when we know from watching him in his private moments, that he actually has BIG feelings and a soft, gooey heart.

Take this one step further: what does this mean about how they want to be perceived by others: Casey wants people to believe that she has everything under control. Her hair is done (always way better than anything I did in high school), her outfits match, her nails are done: she might be a keener and a nerd, but she's an EFFECTIVE and PREPARED nerd. Maybe her personality is a turn-off for some, but she can still give a good first impression. Now, for Derek, let's spin back around to my first point: layers were in fashion in the mid-2000s. Derek dresses according to the current trends because he wants to be popular. He also has a certain reputation of being cool, calm, in control, not working too hard, being chill, everything's all good with the V-man. So he dresses 'casually', with his clothes often looking like he just pulled them on. No ironing for Derek!

Also, on another character note before we get into Dasey — Casey dresses very feminine. She wears a lot of skirts and dresses, and when she doesn't, her jeans are often low-rise (again, the style at that time) and her shirts are form-fitting but not too sexy. She's conservative, but still fun underneath the ironed clothes. Casey also wears layers, but those are a lot less noticeable than Derek's, and not quite as often -- that's because Casey is ALSO hiding things; our girl is big on denial. However, because she's our narrator, it's not something they like to draw attention to. She's supposed to be reliable.

(she's not a reliable narrator, fyi).

SO LET'S TALK ABOUT DASEY.

(if this isn't what you wanted, I'm so so sorry)

The first and most consistent impression we get of Derek and Casey is from the theme song and the Genora wedding pictures -- and their outfits demonstrate what I'm talking about above almost perfectly. Casey is wearing a pink dress, very feminine; Derek is wearing a black blazer and a blue dress shirt. (Casey wears a LOT of pink in the show, btw; just a comment on her character). This establishes their characters: see everything I said above -- Derek doesn't wear a tie because he's LOOSE, ya see? -- but also has them in opposite BUT COMPLIMENTARY colours. We see pink vs black and blue and think, Ah, okay, these two are opposites. They're probably gonna fight. And that's true! But they also look really good next to each other! Lots of people, for a good WOW factor, will match pink with black, or blues with pinks. Also to note: Derek's blue shirt is very bright -- it would be easy for them to have him all in dark colours to give us the impression that they are VERY opposite; but they don't. They give him a bright colour TO MATCH her bright colour.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

I've also been noticing things like Casey dressing very similarly to girls Derek declares as "hot" -- see Sandra in Marti the Monster -- and in Venturian Candidate, Derek imagines Casey as a sexy personal assistant. She also is a cheerleader at some point -- and we know that that would drive Derek insane.

Let's also take a moment and return to that pink dress Casey wore to Genora's wedding; when do we see it in the show? When she loans it to Vicki. What happens when Vicki is wearing that dress? Derek makes out with her.

THEY DID NOT HAVE TO DO THIS. Derek could have made out with Vicki when she was wearing ANYTHING else (like the black and white dress she originally has for the wedding and would be a way to show how DIFFERENT she really is from Casey). But they purposely point out that Vicki looks like Casey, Derek calls her a "total babe", and then when Casey very pointedly states aloud that she can loan Vicki a dress, the ONLY time we see Vicki wearing it is when her mouth is attached to Derek's.

FURTHERMORE: why does Casey insist they DRESS up for their presentation on Percy and Mary Shelley (who are married!!! who. are. MARRIED)??? Sometimes they have Derek and Casey wearing similar styles; I think there was an episode where they were both wearing stripes, but in different directions? But, still: there are HUNDREDS of shirts they could have chosen!!! But they keep finding ones that say: "See!! We're opposites, but connected!"

For a final note, I did find this image:

The famed "same difference" scene.

Please note that Derek and Casey are wearing green and purple respectively. Now, green and purple are considered complementary colours (gasp!), because they are on opposite sides of the colour wheel (gasp!!). But, depending on the shades of green and purple and how they're placed together, green and purple work really really well aesthetically. (Also, interestingly enough when I looked at colour theory, green is supposed to be a healing, stabilizing colour while purple is ambitious and creative. Not really important for this moment, but I think says volumes about the characters themselves.)

Also: they are both in a single layer. Derek has his sleeves rolled up -- actually showing skin!! He's being vulnerable purposely!! Casey has her hair tied back but it's falling out and around her face -- she's very casual and herself in this scene BUT ALSO this lets her hide behind some of her hair if she needs to. Metaphorically, she does. It's not a lot of hair, and Derek sees right through her, but it's enough of a barrier to make a point, and a few seconds after this image above, Derek backs off and retreats into himself.

I could go on, but this is long enough and I'm sure as I continue my (very slow) re-watch of the show, I'll find more things that make me scream. But yeah: the costume department knew what they were doing. There's a reason a lot of us ship Dasey.

[clockworkspider]

Okay so I've been reading Some Desperate Glory and like...

Here's the thing. Most readers and writers will swear up and down that protagonists NEEDS to be flawed to be interesting. But most of us are also fucking cowards who only wants to see/dares to write harmless (he's stubborn but it just means he never gives up), relatable (cowardice, cynicism) or sexy flaws (she's an asshole but only because she's jaded but has a kind heart underneath, he tortures people but all his victims are certified assholes).

When you get actually have protagonist with ugly human flaws you always get a good portion of the readers being like "the protagonist is unlikable" and "I can't relate to them". (Y'all weak!)

Some character flaws are harder for readers to swallow. Like bigotry. Nobody writes queer protagonist that are fucking racist/sexist/homophobic nowadays. And if they hold prejudice they're gonna realize the errors of their ways the moment they meet an alien who's nice to them and be like "oh my gosh those who are different from me are people too I've been wrong all my life".

Not Val Kyr. Val Kyr is a real bigot. She grew up sipping the Terran patriotism and eugenics juice. She's cruel but is self-righteous about it. In chapter 1 she bullies some children for having fun. She meets a meek pathetic little alien and immediately kicks them. She is loyal to a fault and cares deeply for the people around her but has such underdeveloped empathy due to both her upbringing and who she is as a person that nobody likes her. She's fucking miserable but doesn't know it. She's a good example of someone who's radicalized by her upbringing...

Because you see... it's established from the start that aliens destroyed earth, all 14 billion people on it. The rest of humanity, living on colony planets, who have decided to co-operate with the aliens, now live in blessed harmony. Only a small terrorist cell continues to fight, isolated on their little space station, breeding super soldiers via eugenics.

So Val Kyr doesn't weep from the error of her ways the moment she realize aliens are also people. They killed her planet.

And that's just a taste of the complexity this book deals with.

And like... admittedly, through the first half of the book, I gritted my teeth and thought "this better be so goddamn satisfying once she gets some character development" because I have finally met a (non-villain) problematic protagonist who challenged the limits of my empathy but I ain't no coward. (Plus I think it's really brave of the author to write a bigot protagonist in a queer novel and I respect that.) And like... I knew from the start that this is gonna be a de-radicalization story. I am at 61% and I really like the direction this is going.

The story doesn't just dress down the errors of her ways in a moralistic way. It takes in the complexity of the situation and turns around and gives the "wrong" version of her dignity. She was the product of a toxic environment. She was cruel and vile. But her experiences were real. Her anger was real. She was a person who made decisions and that person mattered no matter how "bad" she was.

And like... I think this complexity says so much when you consider the premise. That victims of war, of genocide, are not all gonna be pleasant sympathetic people.

So... the beginning of this book is a bit of a drag but I really like where this is going. If you plan to read it, please get pass 57%, that's when things get real interesting. (I still haven't finished. I'll decide whether this is actually the worst book ever once I'm done but... so far I'm REALLY impressed by everything its done.)

Anyway I think you should join me in reading this novel if you're also not a fucking coward.

[buckybarnesss]

on fire: a teen wolf novel chapters 10-13 chapters 7-9 here chapters 4-6 here chapters 1-3 here

after a little break i am back with a new installment i'm doing 4 chapters today because this book only has 19 chapters.

once again: kate argent is her own warning.. there's an entire flashback chapter of her and derek when he was a teenager. she explicitly grooms him.

Our intrepid heroes are still in the goddamn woods. We shall never leave. Allison is cold and so Scott snuggles with her to share body heat. Classic trope but I have read many missing persons cases. Hypothermia can happen even when you don’t think it can. 

And we have yet another example of Derek being characterized as kind of a dick. He and Stiles find a campfire as Derek tries to track the scent of the Alpha and/or locate Scott. Stiles is just having a bad time as he’s winded from trying to keep up with Derek. Derek leaves him there. I reject this. No. Derek never left Stiles anywhere like this. Especially not with danger afoot. It very much stands in contrast to Wolf’s Bane when Derek crawls over broken glass and fights Peter, distracting him from Stiles.

The Queen has finally arrived. We finally get some Lydia narration. She also comes with Danny and some random dude Damon. 

It had been kind of annoying Danny hasn’t been involved that much considering he is Jackson’s best friend.

Have I mentioned that I don’t particularly care for how Danny is handled in this book? First you have Stiles assuming they should send Danny to the pay-by-the-hour motel because he’s gay and now Lydia’s narration is stereotyping the poor guy. “Dark-haired, with that cool Hawaiian vibe he had.” Danny was right to leave y'all.

Danny says he doesn’t have Lydia’s phone number which I sincerely doubt. 

I want to throw hands with this line “He gave her a completely non-sexual once over.” It’s giving gay-best friend trope vibes which to be fair was at its height in the 2010s and let’s face it this is how Lydia was often written pre-character development (and even after). Especially in the Sterek fandom. Don’t y’all try to tell me otherwise. I was there, Gandalf. 

There is this little section of Lydia’s I think deserves some commentary. The way this book has a subplot for Allison and Scott revolving around how they want to sleep together and the way Jackson and Lydia think of their relationship, especially their sexual relationship is interesting. Now, I’m no pearl clutching Puritan on this subject but the way that sex is handled in this narrative strikes me as too adult for their age. But this passage makes me change my perspective a little. These are kids acting too adult because they feel pressured in other areas of their lives to be adults without the experience and emotional capacity to do so. That fits in with Teen Wolf’s narrative. 

“Are you going through his stuff?” Danny queried, and she have him her best patronizing look, “Please,” She said, “You must know that I have a drawer here.” Damon looked even more impressed. Very few teenagers could claim the very adult perk of having a drawer containing their belongings at their boy -- or girlfriend’s house. Not that many teenagers had the need. It spoke of changing clothes, spending the night. Adult stuff.  Sex.”

Jackson’s computer wallpaper is Lydia which is sweet but then she says she picked it out herself which is less sweet. 

Jackson’s computer password is fucking Captain. You deserve to be hacked, Jackson.

Now Lydia brought Danny and his hanger on Damon from her house to Jackson’s because they’re looking for a CD Jackson apparently burned for Damon to use to DJ for a party. The 2010s of it all came out and kneed me in the solar plexus. Even Lydia was wondering why Jackson didn’t just make a shared playlist. But she searches through Jackson’s stuff stalling a little so she can snoop. This is all important because we finally get to the actual plot of why Jackson was lured away and missing in the first place. People want to rob the Whittermore’s while they’re out of town. Jackson at this point is still being held at gunpoint over in the preserve. 

The would be robbers -- henceforth referred to as Thing One and Thing Two -- assault Lydia and threaten her demanding to know if there are other people in the house. Lydia truly gets a raw deal no matter what.

Meanwhile, Derek’s left Stiles and is trying to follow the scene of the Alpha. He uses the word “shedding” to refer to how he left Stiles. I cannot impress enough how he would not fucking say that.

Derek’s out of luck though because the scent he comes across is old. He is at the place he found Laura’s body where he has a Moment of Anger before he moves on he picks up on Jackson’s scent. He recalls how he dug his claws into Jackson back in Magic Bullet and feels a tiny bit bad. He finds a half burned article about Jackson and does what I deem a Derek thing to do and that’s pocket it because he’s “keeping tabs on Jackson”. It’s stalking, Derek.

Narration switches back to Stiles and of course he gets weird quickly and Stiles what the fuck? Stiles doing something like this during the later seasons wouldn’t be out of the norm. He’s paranoid, hyper vigilant and suspicious at that point but here? Season 1? Stalker.

“He had tried calling Scott a couple more times, then Allison, then Lydia. He’d had her phone in his possession when he deleted the picture she’d accidentally taken of the Alpha. Of course he’d also inputted her number into his own phone; how stalkerish was that?”

Derek reappears and scares Stiles. Stiles observes “He was kind of sweaty, and he looked glummer than usual.” Stiles refuses to be normal about Derek. 

They have a little tiff except it’s them being worried about the same thing but in opposite directions. 

“Stiles crossed his arms and hunched over, shivering and trying to make himself inconspicuous, in cast the Alpha spotted Derek and decided to attack him. But Derek was a Beta werewolf too, like Scott. Why wasn’t he part of the Alpha’s pack? Maybe he is. Maybe he just hasn’t told us, he thought. “Or maybe it’s some kind of trap,” Derek said, “Something the Argents cooked up.” “You mean that Allison’s in on it?” Stiles asked, sounding incredulous.  Derek slid a glance at him. “Why do you sound so surprised? You know what the Argents are. What they do.``

And so we have arrived. The part of this book I remember the most. The Derek Hale Flashbacks. We go six years into the past. 

This is definitely where the idea of Kate Argent working at Beacon Hills High comes from and it makes a lot of sense. It even works even better given the context of season 2 where the Argents actually infiltrate the school as a tactic. 

Holder puts Derek on the swim team which is funny in retrospect because of how the swim team is important to the story of season 2 but Derek is established in season 3 as having been on the basketball team like Peter.

Holder also does a little world building on werewolf customs and pack dynamics here which the show lacks in detail. The way Holder does it is far more patriarchal than what the Hales actually are in the show. There’s a focus on Derek’s father (unnamed even here), the contest/rivalry between him and his cousin Josh, entrance into manhood and Uncle Peter. 

I am still deeply amused by Holder making the Beast of Gevaudan an ancestor of the Hales when the show took the route of making it far more deeply connected to the Argents.

The deepest of sighs at this : “Unlike Laura, who was popular, he didn’t have any human friends, and he didn’t want any.” I just have the hardest time with isolationist, anti-human Derek. Season 3 Derek called and told Book Derek to fuck himself. Derek had a posse of generic human friends.

Kate preys on Derek while she fills in for the main coach as he’s on paternity leave. Also Kate’s up here just brassily using her actual name.

Like Derek’s about 16 here so I can easily buy him noticing a pretty young woman in close proximity to him but Holder does a good job in making it clear that while Derek’s attracted to Kate superficially her interest in him makes him uncomfortable. Derek’s narration says things like “Flustered, even a little frightened.” and “He practically ran out of the school, looking over his shoulder.”

Holder then parallels Scott and Allison once more which is a, um, choice by describing Kate’s hair in the moonlight and Derek almost wolfing out. 

Apparently Laura and Derek shared a Subaru Forester. Which Hale lesbian bought this?

Now up until this point I’ve mostly avoided talking about Laura and her presence in this book because I was saving it for this scene. Laura Hale is a ghost in the narrative in the show. She’s seen maybe three different times outside of being a corpse. She’s never actually named in any of those short appearances and no one talks about her. Here she’s mentioned several times by Scott, Stiles and Derek. Plus now she’s shown in Derek’s flashbacks. I don’t like her all that much here and I think this might be where some of Laura’s fanon characterization comes from. 

Anyway, Derek and Laura are at a diner together eating hamburgers. Derek drinks Diet Coke. Look, I don’t see him as a Diet Coke drinker but that’s not the point here. Derek mentions Kate and how he thinks she’s so beautiful. Laura has this moment where she seems concerned:

“Is this...woman a student?” Laura asked. “No. She’s the new lifeguard. Ms. Argent.” Mr. Braswell’s replacement.” “School lifeguard?” she said, looking mildly shocked. “A teacher?”

After this though Laura’s characterization takes a nosedive. She refers to Kate as a slut when at this point in time Kate hasn’t really done anything necessarily wrong. Derek only really tells Laura of thinking she’s pretty. Laura’s never even met her.

She goes on to tease Derek about his crush -- the word mateable is used 🤮 -- and Derek shuts down. “Suddenly, he didn’t feel like talking to her about it anymore.”

I hate it here.

The next scene is another flashback I recall vividly. Melissa and baby Scott being abused by Mr. McCall. This fuckface trying to convince Scott that his asthma attack isn’t real and it’s all in his head. I want this man to die. Interesting that later when Rafael McCall is introduced he’s still The Worst.

Catch these hands. “Scott didn’t want him to yell at his mom because Scott had asthma. It wasn’t her fault. It was his, Scott’s.” 

If Melissa McCall had killed him no would have charged her. 

Back in the present we return to Scott and Allison. They’re still cuddling but realize they’re supposed to be looking for Allison’s keys. Her phone rings and they have a mishap which sends Allison down the incline. She takes him with her.

They recover but Allison has now lost her keys and phone. Bad day all around for Ally A.

Scott finds Allison’s phone using his wolf powers but he can’t let her know that so they use his phone to call hers. 

Her ringtone for him is apparently a band called Kids of 88. I had never heard of them so after a quick search their biggest hit was in 2009 My House. Which again -- sex.

Scott went to get her phone but he’s prevented by an invisible barrier. Wolfsbane. He makes up a lie about his leg being hurt because like how else do you explain not being able to touch a bush?

They sit down and Scott’s having thoughts like “Oh I wish Derek were here” so you know it’s not great. Allison talks a little about how she’s close to her parents.

They are fucking kissing again. Stop it. It’s not the time. 

Scott decides to text Stiles and says Stiles knows his username and password. We all know. It’s the ever iconic Allison. Jackson and Scott truly deserve each other.

I forgot Jackson was still being held at gunpoint while all this has been going on.

Jackson makes an attempt to escape but yet another guy is waiting at the Porsche. How many people are there? Two here, Cassie probably and then the two at the house. So 5 people in total it appears. Geez. 

His escape fails and he’s taken hostage. Jackson never has a good time. 

All of Chapter 13 is Kate and Derek. Shall we brace ourselves?

“One by one the other swimmers left, and he’d remained behind, torn between disappointment that she hadn’t done it again, and complete and utter relief that she was staying away from him.” Holder writes young Derek having the instinct to know Kate’s attention isn’t good.

Now Holder does do some interesting bits of worldbuilding but like I said earlier it seems so patriarchal. Surrounding challenges and fighting. His view of humans in the book is one of paternalism. 

Kate is going in for the kill now and I’m crawling up my own spine. She makes herself come across as demure. She’s playing meek and turning the whole thing back on Derek giving him the illusion of choice as she grooms him. She purposefully is coming across as more of a peer than an adult figure with authority. 

“She swirled her fingers in the water. “And this isn’t really my style, you know?” I don’t come onto men like this.” Men. She thought of him as a man. He licked his lips, completely tongue-tied. “I wish you’d say something,” she murmured. “I’m kind of dying about it now. I’m sorry if I misread your intentions. I won’t bother you again.” “I know we’d have to be careful. Outsiders might not understand.”

Excuse me. Earlier Derek mentioned his rival -- his cousin Josh -- apparently Peter’s sister-in-law’s kid. Here he mentions Laura had made out with Josh the previous Wolf Moon. Did Laura make out with their cousin?!?!?!?!?!? There’s no other Josh in this book. Like I get they’re not blood related if Josh is Peter’s sister-in-law’s kid (which lol okay bro) but what is happening here on this day?

Kate wants Derek to come home with her for privacy -- ew. So Derek calls Laura to negotiate. Hence the whole conversation about Laura making out with cousin Josh. Laura says “This is so you can do something slutty.” I deeply dislike this characterization of Laura.

And now we’re in Kate’s narration for the flashbacks. I need a shower after reading her thoughts. God, I hate Kate.

Holder goes into detail about her ideas on werewolves. It’s interesting. There’s competition for rank within the pack, challenges and rituals. I want to do a post specifically about it maybe, but I am offended on Talia Hale’s behalf here. It’s very focused on males. The automatic assumption that the Alpha is Derek’s father.

 I cannot say fuck Kate enough. “Some kids in high school are babies and others are all grown up, ready for the real world. Like you.” The classic manipulation tactic of oh but you’re so mature for your age or oh they’re such an old soul. 

Wishing Kate Argent a go ahead and die.

[radiosummons]

I don't think Obi-Wan would ever have become a Sith. Literally, one of the biggest points about him as a character is that despite all the bullshit and absolute insanity he goes through, he never gives in to the Dark Side.

BUT--

A part of me can't help but wonder what would have happened if Obi-Wan--for whatever absolutely character breaking reason--took Dooku up on his offer and joined the Sith/Separatist, how differently things would have gone down in the Clone Wars.

Because from where I'm standing, we all already know that Obi-Wan's biggest things is never half-assing literally anything he does. He always puts himself into any task he's given. He's just incapable of not seeing things to their absolute finish and then some.

I've read a few Sith!Obi-Wan AU fics and fan comics with this exact premise and I do find it fascinating how people have gone about exploring this sort of concept. There are, of course, quite a number of powerhouse Sith!Obi-Wan AUs where he just straight decimates the GAR and the Republic (usually with the intent of killing Darth Sidious in the end). But I'm also fascinated by the handful of stories I've seen where Obi-Wan doesn't necessarily become an actual Sith, but joins Dooku (whether as a voluntary double agent or due to time-travel shenanigans) in order to 1) Find out who the true Sith Lord is and take them down and/or 2) To attempt stymieing the overall devastation the war has on the entire galaxy.

So as OOC as Sith!Obi-Wan feels to me, I can't help but share the fascination that others do with the endless "What ifs?" scenarios that can spring to mind with an AU like this.

Especially, when you start thinking about the potential ways Darth Sidious would react to having a hypercompetent Force User and experienced military general "on his side."

Yeah, Sheev was hyperfocused on Anakin for reasons. But I can't help but sorta vibe with some of Sith!Obi-Wan AUs I've seen where Mister Sidious either 1) Realizes what an actual threat Obi-Wan is to his ultimate goal of becoming Emperor of the entire galaxy, and tries to get Dooku to get rid of him as result (similar to what he ordered Dooku to do with Asajj) or 2) Realizes that while Anakin is an absolute powerhouse in the force, Obi-Wan is sort of next level due to not having the copious, never ending layers of unstable emotional drama that Anakin is.

(Of course, being emotionally unstable is sort of the prime requirement for any powerful Dark Sider, but I raise you this--the amount of traumatic bullshit Obi-Wan has gone through is just about as insane, if not a little more, than Anakin. It would just take someone immorally depraved enough, like Mister Sidious, to really torture and drag all that trauma out of Obi-Wan to the point that he'd use said trauma to fuel his Sith abilities. Again, I don't think Obi-Wan would ever give in to the Dark Side even if Sheev was his main tormentor, but we're playing around in the Sith!Obi-Wan AU right now. After all, "The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural").

I do feel obligated to sort of mention that sheer amount of angst that naturally comes with this sort of AU, but I don't feel the actual need to go super in depth with it. Just because, well, Obi-Wan in his natural canon state is already a bottomless well of angst and sadness pfffttt

Making him a Sith doesn't really change much in that regard for me, other than for other artists and fic writers to explore the darker elements of SW. Mainly, the horrific and outright torture that comes with being trained as a Sith and, you know, the atrocities of a galaxy wide war (just typically in more graphic detail and from a far more bleak perspective).

Tldr: I don't have an issue with Sith!Obi-Wan despite how horribly OOC it feels to me. I am absolutely and utterly impressed with the writers and artists who have fleshed out this AU in the detail and depths that they have. Y'all are so much stronger than me and I am grateful to everyone who was able to answer some of the questions bouncing around in my head through their art.

*fic recs underneath*

Yeah, I went on a Sith!Obi-Wan/Separatist AU spree a while back just out of curiousity and these are what I personally consider to be some of best (or at the very least, the ones I enjoyed most). Keep in mind, these fics range everywhere from Gen to Explicit/Mature and some do pertain to particular ships. That being said, I find the way these authors go about tackling Dark Sider/Sith/Separatist Obi-Wan to be pretty compelling. So approach these fics with all of that in mind, but do give extra kudos and comments to these writers. They did all the heavy lifting here, and they deserve all the attention and praise they're owed. So in no particular order, here are the fics I'd recommend for this particular AU:

Rank, Designation, Unit Name by soft_but_gremlin

You Shall Become (Me) by jedipati

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ambassador of Mandalore series by alexjana91

I Got My Head Checked by frostbitebakery

What came after by galateaGalvanized

Name of the Game by esama

Certain Point by esama

Cuy'kaysh Dar by mneiai

Feel free to add your own personal recommendations in the tags, if you'd like. I know there's so much more of this AU out there, but I am in no way an expert. So I leave the additional fic recs in your hands.

[gillianthecat]

Between Us - episode one an intrepid reporter watches, without having seen UWMA

Going in, I know next to nothing about this show. I have the tag filtered, and I haven't read the summary or seen the trailer. I did see part of the first episode of Until We Meet Again, but as far as I remember these characters weren't in it. The only information that has made it through the cone of silence is that either the characters or the actors are named Win and Team, one of them is blond, and they did a bunch of product placement in UWMA, possibly with Lay's chips. And I'm not very positive about any of that being true.

summary after watching: For me, this show is holding up on its own. It turns out I did remember more about the beginning of UWMA than I thought, but I feel like Between Us would work even if I didn't know UWMA's basic premise. Yes, Pharm's flashbacks would be confusing, but they're also confusing for him so I don't think that would make the episode too confusing overall. There are a lot of things I still don't know, but it feels like normal episode one information still to uncover, not plot holes because the show is assuming I already know the story. And, up to a point, I would rather have less information than too much, so I appreciate the mystery. I was surprised by how prominent Dean & Pharm's story has been so far. I expected it to be more background. I wonder if its going to stay this prominent, or if it's more to set the stage. Overall the show feels very professional and... not expensive, but adequately funded. The production values all feel pretty high - lighting, sets, editing, soundtrack, cinematography - and the acting is very good. It all makes me trust these storytellers know what they're doing. So yes, I am hooked. I can see why y'all have been so excited about this show. I will definitely keep watching.

Below are my notes as I watched. I took a lot so they're beneath the cut.

So. Diving in.*

*pun unintentional at the time, but appreciated now post-viewing

- I like this parallel morning opening. Blondie with the tattoos is hot, pushing back his hair to the rock soundtrack. Actually they're both cute. I like the alarm clock cliche, although Mamoru from Kabe Koji wins with his 20 plus clocks, and Wah from Why You... Y Me? still beats this guy with his paltry single alarm clock.

- The cool kid and the chaos boy? That's my first impression.

- Hmm. Swimming pools may be important? based on the opening credits.

- Aw. A crash-into-you with an adorable het couple. Including whats-her-name (Sammy?) from those other shows I can't recall. Were they in UWMA too? (Don't answer that.) Interesting that they get to meet each other first, before our main couple.

- ooh... A one sided pining situation? or love crush at first sight? I can't tell yet.

- And here comes That Fucking House 2.0. I guess I knew four things about this show- I'd heard she was in it too. (Do you think there is stock footage of the exterior that all these shows are using, or do they each shoot their own?)

- Wait, is that Santa?! He looks so different, I mostly recognized him by voice. I'm still not sure, I haven't gotten a good view of his face yet.

- Ah. Team at least is a swimmer. That makes sense with the pool footage. And now I've figured out their names.

- I like Team's dorky new friend group! I don't always like the comic relief characters but so far A, Bee and Sea seem fun. (Also love the names joke.)

- I feel like I just saw this pool in something but I can't remember what show.

- I think I like Win's friend group dynamic as well. Whew, that's a relief. I also like Win's slight mysterious brooding air. And the way he looks at Team, with the heavenly music on the soundtrack. (so I guess it is crush at first sight? rather than long term pining?)

- so far I've gathered Team is a first year and Win seems to be a sophomore or a junior, but my instinct is junior. (I don't know if the U.S. terms apply in Thailand.)

- Team seems like a sweetheart so far. Is Win making this announcement about scholarship students not being guaranteed a spot in a "I like you. Get out of my school" kind of way, or is it just a coincidence? Either way, its stressful. Athletic scholarships are a fucked up system in general.

- Oh Pharm! He's the main guy from UWMA! I recognize him. I (obviously) have no idea where we are in his story.

- My guess is that Pharm and Manow were his friends in UWMA, but A, Bee and Sea are new for this series.

- Win looks so cool, even his sauntering walk. I totally would have had a crush on him in college.

- Oh! I was about to get excited about their first real interaction but they were just teasing us.

- Is Win basically raising his brothers? He acts like it.

- It is Santa. He seems so different here somehow.

- Tul looks vaguely familiar, but I'm not sure from what.

- Hmm, what is going on with Team? Why is he being mopey?

- I continue to really like the way Win looks at Team, and how they show Team as totally oblivious.

- oh. That's why this whole thing with Manow is familiar? I think I did watch this part of UWMA where they watch the swim tryouts. So I guess Pharm's love interest is one of the other guys on the swim team? I honestly can't remember what he looks like, or how they met. Ah, I guess this must be him staring love struck. It's slowly coming back to me. (Are these scenes reshot? or are they using footage from UWMA?) Ah Dean, that's right. I did know his name at some point. So far I'm finding him more intriguing here than I did in the little bit of UWMA that I watched.

- oh yes, I remember that Pharm was in the cooking club too. It's slowly coming back. Maybe I did watch a little more then I thought.

- These hints of Dean and Pharm's story are working for me. Perhaps they're just there as a treat for UWMA fans, but I'm enjoying them as well. But I do know the basic premise of UWMA, I suspect I would be more confused if I didn't know the whole second life thing.

- Also, I was not expecting this much of their story. It really feels like a side couple, rather than a couple whose story is over and done with. Which perhaps makes me expect that the makers intend this story to stand on its own - that Between US and UWMA are supposed to be parallel pieces, rather than a main show and its companion.

- There is a lot more attention to Pharm & Dean's story than I was expecting though. Which isn't a problem, I was just expecting them to be more background characters. And this is making me want to watch UWMA more than seeing the beginning of that show did.

- Aw, what a good friend Team is. And Win thinks so too. Yet again, I like the way Win looks at him.

- So far I have No Idea what Win & Team's story is going to be - what their conflict or obstacles will be. But I don't mind, I'm still intrigued.

- Is Tul played by the same actor who played the horny roommate in Love By Chance? If so, he's certainly been typecast, poor guy. I did like him in LBC though.

- They finally interact! I love how Win is always tracking Team with his eyes, while Team remains basically oblivious to existence. Ignoring him, not in a mean way, just in a only aware of him as a generic swim team leader way.

- Ouch. The make up artists here are good.

- Win. What is your deal? You obviously have a crush, why are you so mean to Team to his face? I am Intrigued.

- Dean comes across as such a weirdo, omg.

- Interesting that it feels like In learning more about the setup of Dean and Pharm's relationship than about Team & Win's. I admit that I'm getting a bit impatient with it. Part of the reason I dropped UWMA is that I didn't find Dean's actor that compelling and I still don't (so far, that could change).

- Ah, some insight into Team: "You never let anything be important to you!" I do like his and Dean's friendship.

- Um, WHAT is Team's friend (I can't remember if he's A, Bee or Sea) wearing as a pendent? It looks like a piece of fried chicken.

- oof this porn watching scene is so awkward. Poor Team. It does all feel realistically adolescent though.

- Ok, wow, I was not expecting THAT. I like it though.

- on shit, and Team's following him!

- oh I really like this sex scene. See BL, consent is sexy. The way that Win, keeping tight rein on his very obvious desire and arousal, makes sure that Team wants this, that he knows what he's doing. It is Very Hot. And their chemistry is fire. I also like how cool kid Win has his post-shower fluffy unstyled hair, making him feel much more vulnerable.

- I don't know if it's intentional, but I like the contrast between Pharm and Dean's literally destined love, and this thing between Team and Win, which feels like it could be any college hook up. Yes, Win has had his eye on Team for a while, but as far as I can tell, Team took little notice of Win until his porn induced horniness drove him into Win's arms. And Team I really don't think was planning this, he just got aroused by win's arousal and gave in to temptation. I just like the arbitrary feeling of it against the backdrop of the heaviness of fate.

- I still don't know what their story is going to be. And honestly, if I wasn't being an intrepid reporter I probably wouldn't even try to figure it out, I'm just intrigued by them and their dynamic and content to see where it goes. But since I am doing these reports, my first guess is that they're going to continue to hook up in secret, outside the bedroom Win is going to pretend Team doesn't matter to him, and Team will slowly fall in love and get hurt by this. I'm not very attached to this theory, but it's the best I've got so far.

- Thinking about it, so far I actually know very little about Win and Team as characters. But the actors have made them both compelling enough that I'm intrigued, and want to know them. I feel like my initial impression of Win as "cool kid" is probably correct, but I'm not so sure about Team as "chaos boy." He seems a little more organized than that, a bit innocent but not too naive, kind but not saccharine. He seems a bit of an average everyman in fact, but not in a boring way.

Ok! That's it for now. I probably should go to bed, but I want to watch episode two instead. The nice thing about starting a few weeks behind is I don't have to wait.

[maxdurden]

wip whenever

i was tagged by the incredible @johaerys-writes

tagging all the folks i usually do, no pressure! @dearestaeneas @deadchannelradio @sarcasticbeanie

listen y'all if we're lucky emily wilson will knock some sense into me and i'll start writing actual shit again soon, but for now have new dc comics oc lmao

"What you're doing is dangerous. You understand the risks, right?" 

Silas gave the strange man-beast in front of him a withering glare. He was a living dead abomination—he wasn't worried about a little danger. The threat Elijah posed to him should he be found out was not nearly as abstract as this creature might have thought. Silas had fought Elijah on several occasions. The outcome had never been better than a quick-to-heal black eye and tepid congratulations on his progress. He knew that if he was found out, he would not win.

"I do." He spoke through bared teeth. Working with these children did not feel right. One of them, positioned near the back and wearing a mostly blue suit, was a Bat. Silas had seen them swinging through Gotham. He had caught them snooping through the Court's old headquarters. They were the enemy. 

And yet, Elijah was growing more erratic by the day. Silas didn't want to put his brother at risk, but he needed help. Silas had read about transformations like these in old logs and journals of Grandmasters and Judges; Worsening Electrum dependency, mercurial moods, a lack of obedience even to the Court, all these things had been observed in Talons before. Electrum slowly ate away at their humanity while the grueling cycle of hibernation and rebirth wore on their sanity until they were nothing but a violent shell. Perhaps an alliance with the Bats—With the Wayne Family—would save Elijah from the same fate. He would understand, when it came time to tell him. And if he didn't, it wasn't as if he could do worse than he'd already threatened. But Silas was doing this for him. 

"Good," The strange beast with whom he was brokering a deal nodded its head. Despite its immense size, its odd proportions and scratchy voice gave the distinct impression that Silas was speaking with another adolescent. The rest of the team were children, too. Bluejay, who Silas had been first to meet, was only a few years older than him.

The beast held out something for Silas to take. His hands—much to Silas' relief—were not hoof-like in shape or texture, though they were rough and ashen gray. The object was only the size of the creature's relatively large palm, and Silas squinted down at it. What exactly it was was hard to say. It appeared, at first glance, to be an impossibly smooth, rectangular black stone. It seemed to him to be a strange offering, but perhaps this was custom in the future to which he still felt so ill-adjusted. Or perhaps it was a common tradition of horsemen—of whom Silas had only ever met this one. Either way, it felt rude not to accept. 

It was cool to the touch, and no thicker than a quarter inch. Its surface was a sleek black on both sides, but was clearly constructed from metal on one side and not the other. So, not a stone. Still Silas couldn't piece together what it might have been. The metallic half was the only stretch of black interrupted, with a square piece of glass covering some small piece of metal, or something too alike it to be told apart when it was so small. 

"If you find something, or need our help, contact us." The horseman spoke with an earnestness that washed over Silas. He looked up from his examination, awkwardly holding the gift—just slightly too large for him to comfortably wrap his fist around—by his side. "I'm Taurinus, by the way, but you can call me Polk." 

A nervous ripple passed over his teammates. Some shifted from foot to foot, one clad in black and red with intersecting lightning bolts on his chest made a motion with his hands so quickly they blurred in Silas' vision. A girl with long black hair stepped forward, as if to interrupt, but seemed to think better of it.

"I am Talon." Silas said, words slow and deliberate. 

"You’ve gotta have an actual, real name." Bluejay blurted out from where they were standing next to a redheaded girl whose suit was also ornamented with lightning bolts. 

"My name is Talon." Silas would not be called by another name. He had not quite earned the title yet, but he would soon. He would accept no other form of address from these strangers. "How am I meant to contact you? Any correspondence would almost certainly be intercepted." And he had been given no place where he could send information, besides. 

"With the phone," Polk's explanation felt more like a question than an answer, and it did not serve to clear anything up for Silas, either. 

"I don't have a telephone." He insisted, feeling the heavy weight of eyes on him and the distinct sensation that he was making a fool of himself. It was his turn now to shift uncomfortably from foot to foot. He had vague memories of the telephone that used to hang in the first floor of his childhood tenement building, the pleasant voice of the operator and the eternally-long line of others waiting their turn. He now had access to no such thing. 

Silence stretched on for a beat too long. Silas watched as eyes slid from him to the smooth object in his hand. 

"That’s a–well, uh, it’s a cell phone.” Polk pointed with his large hand towards the odd gift Silas was still holding by his side. 

A cell phone. Silas was already well aware that the world he now lived in was nothing like the one in which he’d grown up, but he couldn’t begin to anticipate the technology he’d encounter. Gotham itself had changed with the years, all glass and steel now. He had taken comfort in finding places he could recognize–the clocktower, Gotham Cathedral, even Wayne Manor which he remembered lording over the city from its perch in Bristol an entire century ago. Looking at Gotham for the first time again felt much like staring down at the reflective surface of this small black rectangle. There was the strange sensation that he was an alien on an altogether unfamiliar world. How was this meant to be a telephone? There was no receiver, no dial, no cords. 

“Oh shit, right.” Bluejay spoke now, taking a step forward. “I think the Talons are from the past, sometimes.” 

“Weren’t you supposed to be doing research on these guys?” The girl who had almost interrupted Polk spoke up, voice dry and unimpressed. 

“I did! They hibernate or something!”

“For how long? This poor kid doesn’t even know what he’s looking at!” 

Their squabbling faded into background noise as Polk stepped forward. “Here, let me show you how to use it.”

[allylikethecat]

The Secret History - my official review

OKAY SO: I actually finished it last week (and have low key read half The Plated Prisoner Series since then but that is besides the point) but then my body decided to give up on me and I disappeared from the interwebs for a minute BUT I feel like this book has been a group project since so many of y'all lovely people recommended it and I owe you an official review so here it is!

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

⭐️⭐️⭐️ 1/2

I would call The Secret History a three and a half star read for me. I enjoyed it, I didn't feel like I was trudging through it / had to force myself to read it, but it also isn't something that once I finished I was disappointed that it was over / that I wanted to read again. I would probably recommend it to friends if I knew they were into very literary reads. I will admit that it felt like something I would have been assigned to read in school (not that that is a bad thing! I read one of my all the favs The Left Hand of Darkness originally for an English class) and isn't necessarily something I would pick up on my own.

There were times I was on the edge of my seat and very excited, but other times I was very much like "omfg please get to the point" I did for some reason really like Cloke and Judy and I honestly haven't thought enough about the book critically to determine if I was supposed to or if I was just so annoyed with everyone else that I did. I also felt like the main six students were all kind of the same? I'm not sure but I know for a while there Charles / Camilla / Francis all kind of blurred together to me. I also 100% was under the impression that Julian was going to play a bigger role but instead of the "charismatic teacher" I was promised in the blurb he was just kind of ... there sometimes. If anything Henry was more the charismatic one which he achieved by being so NOT charismatic.

However as I said I did still enjoy the book and I am happy I read it. I might even eventually check out Goldfinch by Donna Tartt because I have also heard good things about that one. For now though I will be sticking with some of my romance novels. They might not be considered literary and I know a lot of people think they're silly but they bring me joy which is what reading is all about 😊

HOWEVER I do have one major complaint: The font in the paperback edition of this book was so damn small I had to get a reading magnifying glass to be able to read the words without a headache. I guess if anyone else is looking to read it, keep that in mind 😂

If anyone else has any other book recs though send them my way! I'm always look to expand my horizons with new reads! (Even though my physical TBR is over 100 books currently...)