#if this doesn’t get any notes from my mutuals im deleting it bc what’s the point if i can’t share this moment with my sweeties
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finished my rewatch of my comfort reality show the other day and i’m sad….what will i do without my guy. what am i gonna do without him </3


#duane lee my beloved <3#yes this counts as my comfort reality show guy reveal#i wanna be his controversially young gf so badddd#this is so humiliating on so many levels……#i’ve decided to stop being scared abt posting this (im lying im still scared???)#i feel so fucking cringe …… but i have to be free#if this doesn’t get any notes from my mutuals im deleting it bc what’s the point if i can’t share this moment with my sweeties#i've loved this man my whole life tbh#yall have no idea how deep this rabbit hole goes for me#can u tell i have a type....#reality show rambles —
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how i would have changed s2 of hsmtmts
obvious disclaimer but im not a screenwriter or anyth so im not claiming what i want is best, this is just for fun lololol
okay so first of all nini would still have dropped out of yac but she wouldn’t have gone back to east, she would have transferred to north bc she was too ashamed to tell anyone she left at first and maybe she still wants to explore who she is away from ricky and the others
nini could join north’s batb and this way maybe we could have some playful rivalry with lily and nini and more scenes with antoine shdhdjdj also it could have been a great opportunity to flesh out lily’s character so those scenes where she reaches out to ricky and her confession at the end of the season actually make sense lol
speaking of ricky ,,, i think he should have left the play at some point hear me out. he only joined in the first place because of nini and barely wanted to do it at all once he realized he wasn’t gonna be able to perform with her. he could have joined crew and been a manager with natalie or smth considering he rlly does see the theater gang as a second family. also this would leave so much room for ej and ricky development and bants since ej joined the av club and began to pursue film. they could have some convos where idk ricky asks ej how he figured out what he wanted to do after duke didn’t work out and ricky could actually develop some interests that arent the play or nini ,,, maybe fucking art club i mean he did p good on that centerpiece for carlos’ quinceañera.
with ricky not being the beast anymore i think seb should take his place that would be soooo good. and since seb isn’t chip anymore carlos won’t make those snide comments about chip being a small unimportant role and we can just cut that whole fight bc it was dumb and bad. we could still have seb being insecure that carlos is only dating him bc there aren’t really any other gay guys at school. in a heartbeat is great and i did like ricky being supportive in the background it was kinda funny too idk dhdjdjfj
ooh i almost forgot abt rini ahshdj okay so i still think they should break up. but in my version there’s no ricky pulling an ej 1.0 and deleting comments off of nini’s insta, cause with ricky in art club and nini at north trying to figure out what she wants i think one of them would realize that they’re going in different directions and only got back tgt because they made each other feel safe cause what they had was familiar. this could be triggered by ricky mentioning smth abt nini at yac and then nini breaks down and tells him that she dropped out and is at north and doesn’t know where she’s going. and then they can both realize they aren’t good for each other rn and have a less tragic mutual break up.
honestly i really liked the scene of nini taking charge after miss jenn freaked out cause with the character detail of nini giving every person in the cast of productions she’s in a thank you note she just seems really like someone who is suited to lifting others up. this could still be explored at north, maybe she could help lily through her issues that were briefly implied in ep 11 and nini realizes she wants to be a drama teacher and encourage kids to go off book and put themselves into their acting, something she couldn’t have at yac.
okay now ej ,,, so like i said in ricky’s section, more bants between them cause i feel like friendships kinda fell by the wayside due to all the relationships so more friendship !!!! also the scene where ej tells his dad he’s not going to duke shouldn’t have been an ending scene, it should have been fleshed out with his dad pushing back saying how he pulled all these strings to get him in and ej saying he doesn’t wanna go if his own hard work couldn’t get him there. and also more scenes of ej doing av club things !!! and realizing he rlly likes film and wants to do it OMG IT WOULD BE SO COOL IF HE BROKE THE FOURTH WALL AND ASKED THE DOCUMENTARY CREW ABT THE FILM INDUSTRY god i would love that. the only scene we rlly got of ej doing film things was at the quinceañera which made me kinda sad. uhhh also i just wanted to specifically mention how ej got mr mazzara that job at cal tech bc it really showed how he wanted to be there for people not just for gina, who he had a crush on, but for mr mazzara who supported him outside of romance, so i wanna keep that for sure.
gina !!! okay so i mostly liked her arc in this season, the only changes i would make would be to flesh it out a teeny bit (god this hypothetical s2 would have to be like 22 eps at least shdjdjdjfj) anyways besides ashlyn singing home to get gina to stay i think there should be a scene where they actually talk in her room abt how gina feels safer when shes on the run (second chance reference ilysm) hhhh and also a scene of her and carlos actually working out compromises for their choreo cause i liked that bit of development too and fleshing that out would make gina an even better foil for lily, who felt a need to hog the spotlight like gina used to. with gina’s own arc fleshed out her character would feel more whole independently from romance and portwell would be even more rewarding than it is in the current s2. the only thing i would really change abt portwell is that they would kiss !!! in the finale but thats bc im biased.
ashlyn should have gotten a more fleshed out storyline about being insecure about not being a good enough belle or the typical belle. there were some throwaway lines when north did their typical dramatics but the only two real scenes that showed it were when ash talked to big red about it and when she was telling nini she wanted to do a run in “home” bc lily did it. ashlyn should get more screen time where she has to grapple with the reasons she doesn’t feel good enough and big red can still support her but also gina too bc i would like more roommate besties interaction.
kourtney could still date howie, that harry potter shit was cute but there needs to be smth else for kourtney’s arc. idk she’s still into fashion so maybe she could be out here trying to create her own line or smth? this doesn’t have to be resolved in s2 like making a wholeass line takes time and she could work on it into a potential s3. kourtney just didnt get much outside of howie and the stuff at the beginning of the season where she said nini inspired her to be independent and that's why she got a job was just dropped?? so i think that fashion could fill that for her if she’s still dating howie cause like having her whole arc just be the pizza place kinda overlaps w big red’s mini arc abt how he wasn’t settling for hospitality, its what he wants to do with his life.
ik what ur thinking. anna, even if you added more episodes, where would u find the room to add all these plotlines?? well first we cut (most of) the seblos fight, so thats some time saved. honestly most of the time that we r going to gain is going to be from cutting ms jenn’s time. things like ms jenn’s and nini’s car ride would get cut, but mostly all of ms jenn’s romances would get cut down. considering she’s the teacher and isn’t actually a character with an arc how does she have THREE love interests this season?? like all of the weird tension between her and zack can be cut, like just some short scenes of them being competitive can stay. all of the stuff with ricky’s dad can go bye bye we don’t need it. i did like her w mr mazzara so most of that can stay i just didn’t like how he said he would give up cal tech for her, ew no that would be gone.
the MENKIES !!!! this is the last thing im gonna address cause in a perfect world every character would get a long fleshed out arc but then the season would be waaay too long and also im mostly trying to work within material the show gave so this is mostly made up of “realistic” deviations from what actually happened. lol idk what that even means it just makes sense to me. but anyways!! uhhh bro idk i thought them dropping the menkies was funny but it also made the finale really BAD lmao. in this finale, seb is the beast, east still had to deal w the fact that they’re underfunded compared to north but no one is injured, lily is less of a poorly written character and maybe ppl are even rooting for her, and wow i just realized i never actually said what role i think nini should have in north’s show. OOH she could be student director instead of lily cause lily both being in the play while also directing was weird considering omg i just checked and according to her wiki page shes a FRESHMAN?? and they let her be student director? lol hell nah. okay so with all that in mind ,,, the menkies should have been the season cliffhanger instead of portwell. east and north should both be nominated, both schools perform at the menkies, and then the award winner is about to be announced and THATS when it cuts to natalie and the end of the season.
one, this actually gives more tension for a summer s3 as we would be waiting to see the consequences of whichever school won. also i bet people would be wondering if nini’s gonna be transferring back to east or staying at north. people would also prob wonder if ej would be getting the scholarship if east won and what that would mean for his interest in film.
lmao that got longggg and idk if anyone’s even gonna read this but it was fun to do :D
#hsmtmts#hsmtmts s2#anna edition 😎#nini salazar roberts#ricky bowen#ricky x therapy#i forgot abt that oml#ehh that could be an s3 thing shdjdjf#ej caswell#ashlyn caswell#gina porter#portwell#rini#kourtney greene#hsmtmts lily#seb matthew smith#carlos rodriguez#seblos#more friendship !!!! theater is all abt being in a tight knit community anyways#lets put some focus on that too
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mobile rules
about: this is an indie mutuals only rp blog for a multimuse with various fandoms from tv shows, movies, anime, and video games. mun is 25+, genderfluid lesbian, goes by he/him pronouns online and name Jay. Previously known as Ares and Snow.
Callout culture: Do not involve me in this. Period. I want no part of it and will block as soon as I see it, tagged or not. I believe it does more harm than good and something like tha is extremely harmful..
content: there will be some pretty heavy material featured here. such as suicidal thoughts, mentions of rape, incest, and anything else I want to write. I will not tolerate hate being sent to me about this and I will block anyone who tries to police me. The only hard limit i have and absolutely refuse to write is pedophilia.
Don’t ever be afraid to ask me to tag something!
side note: if you believe fiction equals reality, please don’t follow me.
discord: is open to those who follow me. simply ask for it. i do not write on discord though. ooc contact is highly encouraged!
disclaimer: i'm in no way affiliated with any of the actors, fandoms, or characters on this blog. Most icons on this blog are made by me using my own psd. Banners, promos, and icons belong to me. Theme was made by inkfated. all screencaps used to turn into icons on this blog are not mine and belong to their rightful owners. Lara Croft screencaps come from soulcluster. tsunade icons belong to hellspath. rectangle tsunade icons belong to me.
Drama: There won’t be any. I’m too old for tumblr’s drama, if you try to start something, make me choose, or drag me into drama - you will be blocked.
DNI’s will get you blocked. I don’t agree with making people choose between people when there are things like blacklist and tumblr’s own filtering system to help you avoid a person
Hate: Character hate, show hate, etc will get you unfollowed. I don’t have time for that negativity, pls tag it so I can filter it out, thank you.
IMs: pls refrain from sending me multiple messages all at once as I’m autistic and it sends me into sensory overloads!!
follow/unfollowing: i usually follow back pretty quick. if i don't follow within a week, i'm probably not going to follow back. 9/10 i do follow back. i will not follow if i see vaguing, callouts, or any sort of drama on blogs. i also will not follow any under the age of 18.
If I do not follow you back, do not message me asking to write or become mutuals - you will be blocked.
If I block you, do not come to me asking why. It will only get you blocked all over again. Do not ask why i’ve unfollowed you, either.
side note: if you’re the type to blindly believe a callout because that’s what everyone else is doing save yourself the trouble and don’t follow me.
Memes: Send as many as you want for as many muses as you want just be sure to specify muse or they’ll get deleted! Always feel free to turn meme answers into threads, too.
Do not use me as a meme resource. Send something in or reblog from the source, please.
note: if you send me a meme, the /ask link doesn’t work so you have to use the pop up on the blog! it’s the second link on the theme.
My triggers: Sharks. That’s it. Just tag pictures of sharks for me please
nsfw: smut will be present here. i can not play the dominant party in smut, please don't ask me too. if you don't feel comfortable with it, we can fade to black, easy peasy. i won't make myself uncomfortable for some smut. All muses involved in smut or ships are 18+. If you think that aging them up is pedophila, do me a favor and get off my blog. Smut may happen with aged up characters but that does not mean it was done specifically for smut. Do not assume.
OCS: I love them. Send them my way, please!
OOC: I post ooc, sometimes quite a bit, sometimes rarely. I am human and I will act as such. I will not tag ooc posts mostly bc i’ll forget. Sorry if that bugs people but like i said, I’m human and I like to write things down and share things with the dash.
Shipping: all muses are LGBT+ in some shape or form so if you want to ship, just let me know. They’re pretty open to anyone, though gay and lesbian muses will stay gay and lesbian. I ship toxic pairings and incest so if that’s your cup of tea, just lemme know, and we can work something out if not? That’s alright too!!
As previously stated, all ships and smut scenes are involved with characters 18+. I will never under any circumstance write something with underage characters. Characters, however, can be aged up but are never simply just for the sake of smut. Smut may happen with aged up characters but that does not mean it was done specifically for smut. Do not assume.
wait time: sometimes i can take months, sometimes seconds, sometimes days. I’m not a fast rper, please respect this.
writing: i generally prefer writing multi-para or novella. one-liners or one-paragraphs usually end up getting dropped or made into much longer threads as i have absolutely no chill.
End note: Do me a favor and like this post if you’ve read my rules. Not needed but deeply appreciated.
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hi- I’m not sure if you’re the right person to ask, but I wanted to know how to start a fanfic writing tumblr- I mean, I’m just not sure how to start since I’ve never posted anything on my account- I’m sorry if this is an inconvenience-
Don’t worry about it. I’m a little offended that you would think you’re coming to the wrong place 😂.
Imma break it down for you.
BTW this post is long bc I wanted to cover all bases
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First of all, if you’re on tumblr mobile, then that’s fantastic and we’ll start with that first. If you’re on desktop, I would like to suggest getting it on your phone because it’s more accessible and easier to manage than doing it on the computer. The only time I go to the computer is when I’m going to post fics, but we’ll get there.
I know you said you’re wondering how to start posting fics but I gotta give you some advice before that. Because there are just some things I cannot stand when it comes to some fanfic blogs, alright?
Be easy on your color scheme. I wouldn’t put any bright colors because it could hurt someone’s eyes, and sometimes it looks really bad. Going along with that, you should be careful what your second color is on your blog (let’s say that your base color was a maroon, and then you’d choose a color similar to that/darker than that. It’ll be hard to read the things in your bio, and it’s frustrating)
This is obvious, but make sure you have a profile and header picture, it’s more appealing rather than tumblrs default.
Turn ON asks and then proceed to do it for anonymous questions, because that’s the only way you get requests. Some people do it off anon but that’s not as common.
You can do this on desktop and a safari browser. It’s not possible to do on mobile just yet. Open up safari > log in > little person icon in the top right > edit appearance. Scroll until you see “let people as questions” turn that on. Turn on anon, and edit the box to whatever you want. Keep it short
Turn off “share posts you like” and the following one below it. It’s a risky game to play when it comes to what you’re looking at and liking.
No submission posts, normally people don’t submit things anyway. Turn OFF “on blog advertising” and then that’s it. It automatically saves so you can just leave to the next screen imma bout to tell you about
IF you go to my blog on desktop, you’ll see that there’s a theme. My font is different, I have a different set up than most blogs, etc.
If you wanna mess around with that, scroll to the top of page (you should still be on the same page from the anon instructions) and tap “edit theme”
It might take a second to load, but you’ll get there.
THIS SCREEN IS VERY IMPORTANT.
Besides the fact that it lets you edit your theme, this is how you put in a Masterlist, and all other links you might want in your bio.
You said you haven’t written anything yet, so there isn’t a need for a Masterlist just yet. But when you DO start posting, please come back to me and I’ll let you know how to put one in your bio, okay? Nice and shiny for your future followers.
If you wanna change your theme go to browse themes, change it from “all themes” to “free themes”. If you like mine, it’s called “Accesible”. If you just want the font, get out of the theme screen and scroll the screen on the left. Turn ON “open dyslexic
Remember, you can do all of this on desktop too, it doesn’t have to be on safari
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Now onto posting, I have some opinions that might offend my mutuals (oopsie)
I can’t tell the difference, but PERSONALLY, I think posting fics on tumblr from my phone is gross. But that’s also because I’m writing 1000+ words normally and it gets difficult to post
If you want to post fics with more than 100 paragraphs, then you have to go to desktop or maybe safari tumblr (I don’t post from safari tumblr so idk if it works) because tumblr says NO paragraphs after 100 on mobile. There is no restriction on computer
I write in Google Docs, because it’s neater and I’ve discovered some hate for Word after deleting some of the shit I wrote over and over. Plus it’s an app, and you can open it up on computer. Easy to use.
If you use Notes on your phone, or type directly onto a tumblr post, then that’s fine but you don’t know your word count and it’s a little difficult to navigate.
When it comes to formatting, I used to have it be really long. But I’ve narrowed it down to 3, sometimes 4 things.
Summary: this is where I put the request so the anon/person knows that it’s their request. (I copy n paste the entire request in the summary part, I don’t answer asks (requests) anymore because it’s easier to answer them after I posted).
Warnings: my permanent is swearing, and then I add on (what type) violence, murder, suic*de, gore, etc DEPENDING ON THE REQUEST
Word count: and I do this because I write long imagines sometimes and some people don’t want to sit through 5k words of boring shit
And the optional—Note: I put this if I thank someone for their patience on the request, if I say happy holidays or some shit like that. I don’t have notes on every post anymore because they just turn out being the same every time
Apart from that, give it a title (make it unique but not too long!) who it’s for and then copy and paste the fic in
I’m using my own posts as an example right here, okay. But I have the summary and all of that bolder because it’s easier to see, and I want it to be different from the actual post. Most fanfic writers do this.
I also put 2 —‘s between the authors note at the top and the fic to also make a difference there
Don’t have the entire fic italicized, it takes away the special part of italicizing a word
Finally, it’s tagging.
I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT tag things that have nothing to do with the post. It’s my biggest pet peeve and it’s because I can’t comprehend why people tag (for example) Katrina Stuart when it’s a fic OR A RANDOM POST about someone else
Instead, let’s keep it simple.
🌸 STOP 🌸
I forgot to mention this. But choose your username wisely. You can change it later on, but it’s a goddamn pain in the ass when you have 50+ fanfics you wrote and your Masterlist is nice and clean only to realize that you have to RELINK every post individually
Listen, I changed my username on my old blog, and it took me 8 hours ROUGHLY to relink and fix every individual Masterlist. I had to create new masterlists, with so many tabs open to fix it
Instead, change it before you start fics
If you wanna be a colby brock blog, I have a canon url (which means that it’s so fucking GOOD and I’m angry that i realized it was open only a month ago rather than when I created this account) and it’s colbysbrocks (it’s a plural canon url). And I have colbysecrets too. If you don’t like either of those, I have a couple of other ideas that I wrote down if you want them
🌸 okay continue 🌸
This is how you should tag:
(I’ll give an example after this)
Your username first, the person it’s about, the fandom (if it’s not Colby brock, then something like marvel, etc). Then the persons name, imagine, fanfic, x reader, and oneshot. Then if it was requested
EXAMPLE ONE:
Azurebrock, Colby brock, Colby brock imagine, Colby brock fanfic, Colby brock x reader, Colby brock oneshot, requested
Simple, right? You can even use this method for Wattpad too.
EXAMPLE TWO:
(This is Star Wars, im using my own username again)
Kylorenlovesyou, Kylo ren, Ben solo, kylo ren imagine, kylo ren fanfic, kylo ren x reader, kylo ren oneshot, Ben solo imagine, Ben solo fanfic, Ben solo x reader, Ben solo oneshot, Star Wars
Notice that I tagged both of his names. I do this because it draws more people in, and more people will be attracted to it (however, in the Star Wars fandom there’s a difference between Ben Solo and Kylo-Ren, so you would have to specify in the title Ex. Resistance (Ben Solo) or Struggle (Kylo-Ren). It would depend on which persona you’re using
This works for a couple of fandoms, like twilight and shit like that
EXAMPLE THREE:
(Final one, I just wanted to cover this base just in case)
If it’s a request for more than one person. Let’s say Colby Brock and Sam Golbach (like a Polyamorous relationship, if it’s just about a bunch of people, tag the people in it and don’t put the imagine, fanfic, x reader, oneshot after any of them, it doesn’t apply)
If it’s a poly relationship (or maybe more) then do everything you normally do for one person, and then just add on the second;
Azurebrock, Colby brock, Sam Golbach, Colby brock imagine, Sam Golbach imagine, etc
If you’re on desktop, I would suggest putting in a Read More (this goes BEFORE your fic but after the authors note, below the 2 —‘s). The way you do that is press enter, and hover over the new break in the fic.
Off to the right you’ll see a . . . Click that and then you have the read more. I would only suggest using this if there’s more than 500 words, so that if the fic is super long, it doesn’t take up the entire dash for the follower (it takes forever to scroll and it’s annoying
If you’re on mobile, it isn’t possible. Just post and you can go back and edit later if you have a computer
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merlin s2 ep10 sweet dreams
holy shit guys it’s been a while. things have been crazy with me. if you want details you could always follow me on twitter and instagram (@tlcyellow) (plug plug plug). the short version is, i finished up my third semester of school, moved to a new apartment, had a two week break where i went home and many adventures, and now i’m back in nyc and starting my fourth semester tomorrow. i want to give a shoutout to my mutual bearwithoutpaws for messaging me and saying they enjoyed my merlin posts and wanted them back. i really appreciate your support and i’m sorry i’ve been away so long!! ALSO some of my posts are missing??????? a lot of my season 2 posts have mysteriously disappeared from my blog? i didn’t delete them and i don’t know where they are lmao. it is a true mystery. if anyone has any ideas on how to recover them please let me know. okay with that ridiculously long intro out of the way, lets get back into it (if i remember how to do this)
- damn bradley james is fine. how could i have ever left him
- they are having some sort of peace conference thing in camelot and there’s this grumpy ass dude whose trying to end the peace talks and he’s going to use lady vivian (a woman we’ve never seen before) as part of his plan. she’s super pretty and arthur helped her off her horse so they’re probably gonna do it by the end of the episode
- okay jk vivian is a spoiled ass bitch and i hate her
- vivian’s dad’s name is olaf. like the snowman. frozen has ruined that name forever.
- arthur is now trying to pretend to merlin that he doesn’t have the hots for gwen which is weird because he only really knows two women and one of them is basically his sister so his options for love are limited
- katie mcgrath???? the queen of my heart
- okay so the evil man’s plan is to make arthur fall in love with vivian through magic. hasn’t this exact thing happened to arthur already?? have they run out of ideas already?
- arthur and merlin are trying to woo vivian and they’re like “um?? feelings??? girls??? i know not the name” and it’s like, we get it, yall are too gay to figure out what to do with women
- ohNO WAIT there has been a classic sitcom-style misunderstanding. arthur is enchanted and talking to merlin about wooing vivian but they don’t mention names so merlin thinks he’s talking about gwen so he brings flowers and a love note to gwen instead of vivian. yikes
- oh my god arthur knocks on vivians door and she’s like “whos there?” and hes like “its destiny my love!!!” which is cringe-y enough and then he looks at what he has in his hands and says “its destiny and chicken”. even under the influence of literal magic arthur doesn’t know how to talk to women
- okay so vivian rejects arthur because shes a brat and the evil man is like “i don’t get it!!! everyone in the world is attracted to this boy. i’m almost attracted to him myself” and then he like has a small orgasm and his jester has no clue what to do
- arthur is full of melancholy and hes leaning his head on his horse in the most dramatic and emo fashion
- vivian has now been enchanted to fall in love with arthur and she has come to his bedroom and is sniffing his pillows and rolling around in his bed like a crazy person
- the jester has told vivians snowman dad that vivian is in arthurs bedroom but merlin has her unconscious and hidden in a closet. so olaf comes in all pissed and is like “I HEARD VIVIANS IN HERE” and arthurs like “damn i wish. shes fine as hell!!!” (im paraphrasing) which is not a thing you say to any girl’s father ever.
- gwen is now sending a love note to arthur which is super awkward since he’s still enchanted and in love with vivian and im afraid she’s going to get her heart broken :(
- OHNO SHE DIDN’T SIGN HER NAME SO ARTHUR THINKS ITS VIVIAN. this is a mess
- arthur has crawled up into vivians window and gwen is waiting in her house and arthur isnt coming ahhh this is so sad
- ohboy olaf walked in on vivian and arthur making out and olaf has challenged arthur to combat and gwen is brokenhearted
- DAMN MORGANA ALWAYS LOOKS SO GOOD
- okay so arthur is all enchanted and olaf breaks one of his ribs and arthurs like “im fine gaius. IM IN LOVE!!!!!!”
- okay merlin visits the unhelpful dragon who is actually relatively helpful in this situation and he tells him merlin has to find the person arthur truly loves and get her to kiss him which is handy bc gwen exists but what if she didn’t? merlin would have to make out with him i guess.
- gwen and arthur are kissing!!!! she broke the enchantment and now arthurs like “where am i?? why is my rib broken??” and gwen’s like “youre in a fight to the death. no time to explain. head on out there buddy good luck”
- so arthur almost kills olaf and then is like “this is no way to achieve peace” and olaf just??? forgives him??? and forgets he was trying to fuck his daughter????
- so after all that gwen is like “we cant be together” B I T C H you were so ready to get with him twenty minutes ago what the heck
- wait wait wait no one unenchanted vivian!!!!!!!! she’s gonna be hung up on arthur for the rest of her goddamn life
next episode: the witch’s quickening
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alright, at the urging of my beloved i am dropping the essay this is gonna be messy as hell bc im drafting it on my phone in the grocery store looking for the fucking tomatoes bc theyve moved them again what the fuck
this is mostly based on hollow knight bc ive fallen back in there but it seems applicable also to undertale, according to @the-feeling-is-mutual so i am taking her word for it
ok so
part one: canon evidence of agender vessels
in hollow knight, team cherry makes an explicit effort to remove all references to gender for the knight and the hollow knight/pale vessel (henceforth referred to as the hollow knight or thk). in fact, at least according to the wiki, one of the edits to bretta’s journal before release was removing a reference to gender in relation to the knight. both the knight and the hollow knight are only ever referred to as ‘they’ or ‘it’ throughout the game.* the effect of their decision to remove gender from the knight leaves us, the players, with a nonbinary character.
It is important to note also that hornet is set apart from her siblings in this regard - as the ‘gendered child,’ a title that refers only to her, it can be inferred that her siblings are not gendered, ie nonbinary or agender.
part two: misgendering people (yes, even fictional ones) is shitty
fuck you i don’t need to explain why misgendering people is wrong. if you think it isn’t, get the fuck off my blog and go to hell. if you genuinely don’t understand, i can explain, just please approach this in good faith. any baity questions will be deleted and their senders blocked.
part three: the importance of representation
nonbinary representation is, shall we say, thin on the ground. so, what the fuck does it mean to have a nonbinary, agender, or gender neutral character in ya viddy game? a lot, at least to your nonbinary audience. i’m sure you, dear reader, have experienced something like this - you’re on tumblr, no? you may have felt your heart swell upon seeing korra and asami hold hands, or perhaps when adora and katra** kissed. as a trans person, specifically an agender person like the vessels, i experience a similar thrill as when things like this happen - ‘holy fuck, they’re like me.’ i won’t lie to you, it hurts when someone misgenders the vessels. it may not be the intent, but what comes across is a profound lack of regard for nonbinary individuals revealed by the lack of regard for the nonbinary-ness of the character. (admittedly it does also set me up to mistrust you but that’s less than relevant.)
an addendum: masculinity as default
this is not important to the core of the essay (which is mostly ‘stop misgendering the vessels, you fucks’) but i feel it’s important to include. I have never seen someone misgender a nonbinary hollow knight character with ‘she/her’ - which i must note is equally shitty as he/him-ing a character that uses they/them - which seems… revelatory, of a habitual assumption of maleness in viddy gaming. now this is not an indictment of any player - i say habitual because it’s likely an extension of preexisting societal assumptions related to things like ‘he,’ eg ‘he’ used in law to refer to the entire population***. this is less an argument and more me asking you to be aware of this. trust me, once you start noticing yourself he/him-ing things as a default you won’t be able to stop noticing it.
*this may have been, in the eyes of team cherry, an effort to avoid alienating non-male (eg, female) players, (though that doesn’t “explain” thk’s non-gendered nature), but this is based entirely on the text in question, not team cherry’s intent. **catra? i don’t know, i’m not into she-ra ***fun fact, some suffragettes decided, as a means of protest, that any law that simply used ‘he’ did not apply to them if the ‘he’ in voting laws did not apply to them. queen shit
a character: is explicity gender neutral
fandom:
#oh boy i can NOT shut up can i#hollow knight#ghost writes#this is long enough to earn my writing tag
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Are you being serious about the biphobia thing? There are a lot of people who specifically dislike bisexuals because they're stereotyped as being promiscuous, cheaters, lying about their sexuality bc they're desperate for attention, or are just "confused" and "eventually pick a side." That kind of discrimination doesn't stem from homophobia, it's completely different. Unless you were being sarcastic then my bad
Some of this might come out sounding hostile, but that’s genuinely not my intention at all:
Im not being sarcastic, though i deleted that other post because the wording was clearly confusing. Prejudice against bisexual people obviously exists within the LGBT community, although I don’t believe it’s as pervasive or serious an issue in the community as lesbophobia or transphobia. That post was specifically referring to another post, in which someone said it was ‘biphobia’ to point out that: “there’s no systematic power structure or actually influential societal movement that keeps bisexual men from dating women”.
THEY were referencing another post which had pointed that out, and said that in reality the systems of oppression are encouraging men to date women. I was trying to additionally point out that those systems are rooted in homophobia, not ‘biphobia’. As a bi person, I can concretely point to the ways i’ve been systematically and socially hurt because of my sexuality, and none of them have to do with biphobia. They’re the result of a broader hate held by society for gay people. The ‘straight’ half of my sexuality has never come under any scrutiny– therefore, I don’t see the point in making a distinction between ‘biphobia’ and straight up ‘homophobia’ in this context. Hopefully that makes sense.
And, yes, in a much much much more macroscopic sense i’ve had experience with people who hold prejudices about what it means to be bi. These experiences are almost entirely limited to very niche groups in small corners of the internet. the real life ignorant assholes that i know who might hold beliefs like these have never expressed them to me– because they care a lot more about me being gay than me being ‘bi’. meaning– I’ve never encountered someone who, after being told i was bi, said “wow. you must be confused, you’ll pick a side eventually”. I have encountered many people who said “gay sex is a sin, and you’re going to hell”. I’m not saying that the first type of person doesn’t exist, or that we can only observe one type of prejudice at one time– just that any theoretical ‘biphobia’ people might express still falls under the blanket category of ‘homophobia’.
Once we start to really differentiate and act like biphobia is a different kind of homophobia instead of a result/subset of it, especially in communities like tumblr, we get bisexual people talking over lesbians, trans folks, etc, we get complex identity politics where people are non-ironically saying “let bisexual boys date women” as if anyone is actually stopping them– essentially, we get bi people acting as if biphobia is a systematic or social problem on par with homophobia or transphobia. “Biphobia”, by your definition, is as far as I can tell entirely just the prejudice that bi people face. And way way way too often, I’ve seen it used as an excuse that we use to force ourselves into discussions or places where we don’t belong, or shut down other people’s voices. And, of course, it carries an innate element of having to pretend any bi people anywhere are in any way oppressed for loving the opposite gender– or saying that an opposite gender relationship between two cis people is somehow ‘queer’
Note: Queer is a word that, as a bi dude, i feel really uncomfortable using when describing myself. Partially because of the fact that it’s been used against me as a slur, partially despite that fact, if that makes sense. It has a very very complicated history and complicated connotations that I (a cis bi man) have no right to Reclaim.
TLDR: I think of biphobia as a very small facet of homophobia, which is a much much broader issue with much more consequential implications. “Biphobia”, under this definition, carries no inherent oppression– just individual prejudice. Thinking about biphobia as if it is a separate form of oppression or equating it to other issues in the LGBT community is shortsighted and dangerous.
There are other people who can explain this much more sensitively and eloquently than I just did, and I’m probably skimming over many of the arguments that I could be making here out of general ignorance on the topic. If one of my more well-versed mutuals or followers wants to contribute that would be really appreciated.
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Who is your favorite OC? Pls share their backstory I must know👀
to be honest it’s totally Devon. I’ve had him sinceee about the 6th grade, and he’s been concrete since about 7th grade (I’m almost a junior!). He’s so important to me :’). Whenever I feel sad I just work on him or write about him and it cheers me up real fast.
haha his backstory is a loooong, complicated mess. I literally went on an 1.5-2 hour rant about his backstory at a sleepover once, it was ridiculous how long it took for me to talk about him. I actually wrote a response for this ask yesterday, but it got deleted I hate my life. It was soooo long because I wrote it in the way I speak. You’re probably getting a lot more than you bargained for :’). I’ll put it below the cut so everyone else doesn’t suffer.
im gonna use bullet points bc i like them and theyre shorter
note: universe is like. sci-fi. there’s space stuff you know
full name: Devon Mateo Westmore
born: August 16th
a leo!!! do with that what you will
as far as parents go, they’re kinda dicks basically
Devon was a complete accident and he’s kind of treated as such
they’re pretty neglectful?? they really dont give a crap abt him frankly
they’re more interested in making bank with their jobs and turning up
has a sister who’s like graduating or smthn. she’s old. her name’s Lucía.
she also could give less than a crap about him and had a similar experience with their parents; just wants to be free and have no attachment to this rando baby
is a total Problem Child™ during school because of his messy life, just wants attention and love really but never really gets it
universally hated by teachers all his life
high school is especially rough he is a disaster
he’s basically like party all day every day bitches bc is parents are never home/probably wouldnt reprimand him for going out anyways
he drinks a lot, does drugs
he bangs a lot of people irresponsibly. A LOT of people.
is a player tbh he will flirt with anyone. very pansexual.
makes a lot of (bad) friends 2 fill the Void™ and does a lot of illegal things
anyway fast forward to when he’s like 17-18 and school’s like yep time to graduate!! and hes basically like
but he does graduate in order for the story to move forward
but now he’s like careers????????
all he’s kind of enjoyed is music throughout high school but he’s like thats not what i want to do.
yolo, he probably says to himself one day. I’ll just join the military and become a space pilot because thats what I wanted to do when i was 8
so BASICALLY i haven’t figured out how I want this space military to work but he ends up in like an academy (he’s like around 19ish) or smthn
this is where he starts to like chill tf out tbh
he discovers that he likes this a lot?? and he’s like dedicated to it???
a lot of like. coping happens and he has to figure out what kind of person he wants to be and recover™ himself
but yah he does well and he ends up being valedictorian nice going m8
basically if you’re #1 in your class you get the opportunity to go to this like. school/training thingy. and it’s very exclusive but if you like graduate from their you’re like. set
its like harvard except you could die there
yolo, he thinks in yet another life decision he really shouldn’t be taking lightly. I want $$$$ so i’m about to make that place my bitch
he does not make that place his bitch
he suffers so much
by the end of the year/2 years he’s there, he does pretty well
He makes a bunch of good friends, and he gets a ton of experience. he’s really good because of it, as to be expected
while there the top of the class is this girl and her name is Adella
shes my daughter
Devon likes her but she’s like super stand-offish and he’s a party kid so he’s like
“hard pass.”
but he has like mad respect and he thinks she’s chill
the feelings mutual
anyways like RIGHT before they graduate she gets recruited to this special program because she’s top of the class and like disappears he never sees her again
sike
but not for a while at least……………
so like fast forward he’s like 23 maybe
he’s got a good job, he’s living it up really?? he’s just like pretty happy all around he has a life, an apartment, friends
he gets an email from this girl and she’s like yo
I’m Tamara, my mother passed away recently but I discovered that our parents are apparently siblings?? I never knew I had a cousin, I heard you live in the area and I was just wondering if you wanted to get to know each other
and hes basically like damn if i’m about to pass up this chance!!!!!!!!
Tamara works as a programmer literally one (1) city away
basically they just?? end up getting along really well?? Devon spends a lot of his off days hanging out with her
he’s so ecstatic to finally have someone who’s his family like she treats him like a little brother
probably Tamara also has a younger sibling, their name is Calix. they work as a doctor and dont see Tamara often but the two are close regardless
they’ll be important later but for rn they’re not relevant
anyway, at some point they make plans for Devon to meet Tamara and he ends up at her work
and she’s chilling with this guy who is absolutely
fucking
gorgeous
Devon’s sure he died, right there, behind a goddamn cubicle,,
he’s frantically trying to think up something suave to say (are you the only tennessee no– wait–) when Tamara notices him
she introduces him to her hot friend, his name is Shay
Devon tries to play it cool
“Hey would you mind if Shay came w–”
“NO NOT AT ALL I WOULDNT MIND”
they go out for lunch
he chills out a little bit on the way enough to be his usual self
Shay mistakes flirting for good-natured joking
Devon suffers
They exchange numbers
cue pining
Shay continues to be oblivious
He has to be told point blank by Tamara whos like “Please, for the love of all that is good, fuck him go on a date with my cousin.”
“Has he been asking me on dates every time he takes me out?? every time??”
I love Shay so much u dont even know
Shay is basically a really pure and happy person, literally nothing can get him down ever he’s just trying to live his best life
he’s everything to Devon, he’s so sunshiney and nice and Devon has just been through some stuff and his life is going well and now he has been blessed with this beautiful, perfect boy….,,,
it’s not like Devon has never dated anyone before, most of his relationships have been purely physical but he’s been in romantic relationships w people
but this is like. it he knows it.
they date for about a year, everything’s fantastic
and then
things are heating up politically, and Devon’s in the military so they need him somewhere else
right now everyones living in like?? around india somewhere and they need him in like. canada.
hes understandably upset
he’s gotta move. acROSS THE GLOBE.
he’s not going to break up with bae but they’ve got to talk through this like Adults™
so they talk through it
and Shay’s basically like
“fuck no, i’m moving with you idiot
did you think you were just going to move away from me bench?? sike”
they move in together
I used to have their apartment layout drawn up on homestyler but they reset the system and it’s gone into the void so i’ll have to remake it :’)
so now they’re moved in which is super great everything is popping
remember Calix? they’re relevant again
basically, Calix has been dating this girl for a while now and they’ve gotten serious but their relationship is not working out because she is a mess tbh and they love each other very much but they are not good for each other
Calix isn’t emotionally receiving or helpful he’s very blunt so they end up splitting up because she doesn’t need a relationship
Said girl is Adella
Adella is a mess basically
the program she was recruited for made her very successful, very well known in her field and in a lot of ways, among common people
but downside is there was a lot of government dirty work she was kind of pressured into doing
there’s also a lot of hush hush skirmish’s that have been occurring that she had to stop
she’s been struggling with depression for a lot of her life and she has PTSD so when her contract is up she decides to take a break™
her and Calix’s relationship kind of falls apart but she’s friends with Tamara and she’s like I need to leave somewhere and get out of this messiness, i’m going to move back home (Canada)
Tamara is like
LIGHTBULB DING DING DING
she doesn’t think that Adella shoudnt be on her own, she wants someone to supervise her and make sure she doesnt accidentally starve or smthn
she has the best intentions but she kind of tricks Devon and Shay tbh
“Hey you guys got an apartment with an extra room?? Can you take in my friend for a while, she’ll pay rent, she has a job she’s just trying to find a nice place to live but she needs to move to the area rn”
the two of them are like “yeah sure lol sounds legit tammy we ly
Adella shows up on their doorstep with the intention to live there for like 2 years
cue Shay internally flipping his shit over this lowkey celebrity whos going to LIVE in HIS APARTMENT DEVON DID YOU CLEAN THE KITCHEN
Devon is not phased
he knows Adella from school so he’s just kind of like hey its u whats banging girlie
he basically just treats her like normal and she is so appreciative
basically they become SQUAD i love them and thats the beginning of my story and thus ends background
i’m sorry this was so long i tried so hard but i got carried away. double sorry for taking so long I have like 3 end of school projects due rip me
Thank you so much for asking!! I can’t tell you how much it means to me :’)) If you made it this far through my story I applaud you. thanks for reading!!! Feel free to message me if you have any questions
#ask#mine#im shook this happened im still dazed that anyone cares about my garbage children#i love my son so much#cheater157#my ocs
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wyd if i told u to do 1-38 👀
the ‘be honest’ meme / @afterburied
ok below the cut bc this is a Long One
1. What would prevent you from following someone?
generally speaking just kinda if our writing doesn’t mesh? but also on different blogs i have different kind of vibes if you know what i mean? like here on jason i’m not likely to follow historical/extreme fantasy blogs if they don’t have some form of modern verse bc i just don’t see him in those settings, i also tend to avoid anyone who says they dont like multis/ocs even if it doesn’t apply on the blog im on bc uh we love multis and ocs here. sometimes if a blogs new i wont follow, but sometimes i will it just depends on the vibe lmao. sometimes aesthetics/etc will play a role but mostly it’s just based on rules/meshability
2. Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?
yes and no? like i won’t shun anyone for having “bad” aesthetics or anything, but i hold my own personal aesthetic to a higher regard? like, if someones aesthetic makes things unreadable/impossible to navigate then i hate it, but like i don’t care about other peoples aesthetic that much. if it’s pretty i definitely see the blog in a better light which im trying not to do, but mostly it’s my own aesthetics that matter to me and that’s just because i simply need to be perceived positively at all times
3. What current rp trend do you hate?
i don’t think there are any i really hate? as long as trends aren’t harmful i dont care much.
4. How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?
i don’t lmao the only person who knows about rp irl is my inner circle, and they know it as rp bc at least one of them has actually been in the rp world
5. Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why?
i don’t really have much preference? all genders bring in their own potential for different plots and dynamics and i love them all equally. but female muses and muses that don’t conform to the male/female binary are always favorites because they deserve more appreciation
6. Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why?
this one was actually hard to answer because like? i don’t know? i write plenty of both, and i feel like i prefer males, but also i think that’s just because of the way males tend to be treated over females? like some of my female muses are That Muse that never goes away, but because females tend to be more ignored or people just don’t read their info it’s never as fun writing them
7. What’s your opinion on call out posts?
sometimes they’re necessary, sometimes they’re not. i don’t really read them? unless it’s a callout that comes across my dash a lot or revolves around someone i know/write with. if it’s a legit predator then i say go off, but if it’s something petty or spiteful i think it just makes all parties involved look kinda bad.
8. Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.
answered here.
9. What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not?
i have in the past, i don’t really presently. i think sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad, and really depends on the fandoms/characters involved. like currently i have lea as my exclusive stiles and earth as my exclusive carol because they have such intense connections to jason and are literally a part of his backstory/canon so it would feel really strange to have another version of that muse come along and try to either fit the dynamic or ignore it. that said i have in the past had exclusives where it felt like i was trapped in it or didn’t get to explore more dynamics because of it, so it can be a win or a lose dependent on the person you’re exclusive with and what they’re like.
10. Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?
not really, no. i don’t think i’ve ever actually commissioned anyone, and the people who have commissioned me in the past have generally been really nice. there’s been a few times where people really don’t know what they want or change their mind constantly or just ghost before we get anywhere, but mostly it’s been a good experience for me.
11. What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started?
that literally nothing matters. who cares. take as long as you want, remake as much as you want. yes this is a hobby that depends on other people somewhat, but that doesn’t mean that everything you do should revolve around them. take mental health breaks, write in prose, have a super minimalist or super maximalist aesthetic. who gives a shit, this is about having fun.
12. Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?
answered here.
13. Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?
answered here.
14. Do you think rp has had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person?
oh a huge positive effect on both for sure. there are times that it’s been bad for my mental health, but i’ve also met so many brilliant people and had so much fun doing this. half of my facebook friends list is people i’ve befriended through rp (and yes this is an invite to anyone i talk to a lot to ask for my facebook if u want it)
15. How has rp changed you personally?
i started rping in 2012 when i was 14. rp was my main hyperfixation through high school, with me spending most days in class on tumblr rather than doing work. i shaped my entire life around rp for a long time, and while that was extremely unhealthy it was also a huge formative thing for me. tumblr and roleplaying are so ingrained into who i am at this point, it’s literally changed my life. the friends i made through rp, especially in my high school years, were a life changing thing. i had one or two friends in high school, but i was heavily bullied and widely hated and rp really did save me from really fully sinking into thinking that’s what everyone thought of me
16. If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why?
i think it would mostly just be the accessibility and ease of it? i miss the days where you didn’t have to be mutuals to write, and how it was just so easy to get things going and have meaningless fun. i love my mutuals and i love plotted threads but i truly think there was something so easy about starting a blog and immediately having threads and people to write with. lately tumblr has become a place where it’s so easy to be ignored or feel like no one wants to write with you, and i really miss the days where there was always someone there who wanted to write with you and be friends.
17. Have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? Why?
literally all the time lmao. my positivity blog is 50% me sending myself anons because people very rarely send them in. people follow positivity blogs to hear positivity about themselves but never send any in which makes it difficult. i don’t want to seem like my positivity blog is focused only on my mutuals, but i also don’t have much i can say about non-mutuals without it feeling fake so it’s a rough balance. i also send myself anonymous headcanon questions all the time bc no one else is gonna do it for me
18. Have you ever sent hate to yourself on anon? Why?
i think i did once or twice in like 2014 because i was a 16 year old who wanted attention. mostly it was just like i’d posted something that i knew would be controversial in the fandom and wanted to send myself the hate while i had a comeback in mind rather than wait for someone else to say it and feel bad lmao
19. Do you delete anon hate or post and address it? Why?
i tend to post/address it. it’s a bummer to get anon hate and i know i should delete it but i’ll see it and be like ‘oh everyone thinks this’ so i post it so that everyone can see and be like ‘yeah’ but then they’re like ‘this is bullshit’ and i have a moment of like... oh... people... dont hate me?
20. Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with?
i dont think so, not that i remember at least.
21. Have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to?
yeah, a few times. i tend to feel that way less now but i still do it sometimes. i know there’s not really any pressure, but sometimes breaking mutuals with people you don’t click with feels really hard
22. What would make you block someone?
not a lot, really? like not for hard blocks. i’ll softblock when i do unfollow sprees or if we don’t really mesh. i only hardblock people who spam me, personals and like. actual problematic people.
23. Have you ever stolen something from someone else?
not that i’m aware of.
24. Have you ever had something stolen from you? If so, how did you handle it?
again, not that i’m aware of.
25. Are you open to duplicates? Why / why not?
this doesn’t apply to jason, but generally yeah. it depends on the muse really. im not open to duplicates on beth (multimuses aside) because of how she’s a comfort character for me and i’ve had some Bad Experience with other beths in the past, and theres a few muses i write from smaller fandoms that don’t have duplicates but that i wouldn’t want duplicates for. mostly though im chill.
26. How do you feel about vague posting?
i don’t love it, but i am guilty of it too. sometimes u gotta vague to get things out, but i don’t like vagues where that person is likely to see it? idk i just don’t like vagues but i wont stop you
27. Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back?
sometimes, but not really. i used to do it a lot, but since people are so intense on mutuals only these days i get heaps of anxiety about accidentally liking something when i think we’re mutuals but we’re not
28. Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting?
i try to. a lot of people don’t have mobile friendly info (note that linking to pages on your blog like a /rules or /about isnt actually mobile friendly, you can’t use those links in the app) and i spend a lot of time on mobile, but i usually just wont follow back until i can read them and then i double check rules for triggers and stuff whenever plotting/sending memes/etc.
29. What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?
i don’t love it and i don’t practice it, but i get it. it sucks to have people reblog things from you without sending, especially headcanon/ooc stuff. i won’t ever force people though, especially with ic stuff, sometimes certain memes just don’t fit and that’s okay.
30. How have you responded to popular slang used on tumblr? Do you use it in every day life? Do you use it at all?
probably? i type the same as i talk pretty much, anything you see me type is something i’d say
31. Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge? Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain?
i dont think so. generally i google things if i don’t know it.
32. Have you ever experienced discrimination?
not that i’m aware of. i guess people ignoring female ocs and loving male canons might sorta be it, but nothing personal about me no
33. How do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog?
not a fan, tend to block them. personals just tend to get into my shit and rb stuff and it’s annoying. that said, if it’s someone i know from the rp community’s personal they can stay
34. Have you ever cried while writing a reply?
literally all the time. every angsty reply.. i cry so easily
35. Do you read other people’s threads or do you only read your own?
i read so many other peoples threads, especially people i interact with a lot. i read @unheaven and @aphostate‘s threads like the morning paper i love them
36. What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you?
i don’t know that anyone really hates things that much?? oh, but 13rw is a big one i guess. the show helped me mentally and i have muses on my multi, but i know the majority of the rpc is very much against it
37. How do you feel about tagging triggers? Do you tag them? How do you determine what is triggering content and what isn’t?
i try to, but i don’t ever really know when exactly things need to be tagged. i use the ‘ask to tag //’ tag a lot for things that im not sure about. generally speaking triggers go untagged unless it’s intense/graphic, but there’s always warnings in my rules about what i don’t tag
38. What advice would you give to someone new to rp?
don’t take it too seriously. it’s a hobby, it’s for fun. these people will not care if you use aesthetic vibes or if you’re a minimalist, they just want your writing. don’t guilt trip people into writing with you, read and respect rules. i don’t know, just treat people how you wanna be treated. rp is a small world, word travels, people know when people are the type to ignore important things.
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Tag game holy crap the last time i did one of these it saved as a draft and i didn't realize until a month later OOPSIES. thank you to @hello-yue-here for tagging me.
1.) why did you choose your url?
Its actually just so that people from archive can not be confused when they come to find me, and that was inspired by the following
i was just thinking of some one day and i wanted it to be atla related... so i thought of Aang's egg custard... so we got this disgusting monstrosity that is nowhere close to avatar.
2) any sideblogs?
nope! im a multi fandom gal, but i keep everything on here.
3) how long have you been on tumblr?
i remember it was chapter three of "oh my bubbles" that i got here bc i was proud and wanted to share it (it sucks) so i think February... i can't go look because my dumbass orphaned the work and then had to copy and paste that shit back in.
4) do you have a queue tag?
nah. its all spontaneity.
5) why did you start your blog in the first place?
i wanted to reach a wider audience for my fics, because archive tags are shit at sharing things and then i was knocked by the amount of people in the zukka community on here like holy shit
6) why did you choose your icon/pfp?
its catra. its fucking catra being excited to blow something up. how can i not put her in?
7) why did you choose your header?
its leaves from the vine I think (i should prob change it) and i was just being a basic bitch but i honestly have no clue what else to change it to its bad
8) whats your post with the most notes?
the "when we get married ill be firelord" zukka one. which i typed out at like 3 AM how does it have 2k notes
9) how many mutuals do you have?
like.. two ;-;
like people if you chat with me I WILL FOLLOW YOU. COME TALK TO ME.
10) how many followers do you have?
90!
11)how many people do you follow?
14... I know I said theres so many in this community i just get so overwhelmed with posts on my dash. Like i said if you chat with me ill follow you, but im embarrassed to say i mainly follow the "famous" people of the Zukka community... if any smaller creators were to reach out to me, even just to say "hey i think you'd enjoy my fic and id appreciate if you'd check it out" I WILL FOLLOW THEM
12)have you ever made a shitpost
half my posts are shitposts that i delete in a minute
13) how often do you use tumblr in a day?
i have strict parents who control my phone (yes im in hs and they do this) so i work out of an incog window on my laptop. Whenever I have free time and have the patience to log in, i come on here. That can either be all day, or in between weeks at a time. Its not the best, but im working with what ive got
14) did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?
never. I am very focused on a positive and healthy environment with everyone. If i were to instigate a fight it would be for comedic purposes, and i would put /j at the end to make sure the creator knows i mean no harm or malice
15) how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog’ posts?
to support a cause, love them. for example it was "reblog this post to make non-binary people aware that they are safe on your blog" and i did it, because thats positive and empowering. but others like "mary anne will die tonight if you dont rb" i hate with a burning passion
16) how do you feel about tag games?
love them! even if we dont chat, feel free to tag me!
17)how do you feel about ask games?
ive done like one and no one gave me an ask. please guys. they give me sm serotonin. my only ask was abt what picrew i used for the atla characters. thats it...
18) which of your tumblr mutuals do you think are famous?
@hello-yue-here
im sorry but she has like double my following and so many good fic ideas and fics if you arent following her go do that rn.
19) do you have a crush on a mutual?
platonically? absolutely.
Im tagging @betrothedzukka bc she's my only other moot, and if she doesn't ant to do it, thats perfectly fin
so many of my ys arnt oring rn snd hp
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Conversations Me: you actually soft blocked me.... any reason why?
Her: lol the fact that you noticed this late but it happened on accident actually and i went and unblocked but at that point i was like lmao like she'll notice so i never mentioned it
Me: If you hate me just say so. No need to lie.... I don't check shit like that every day but it's not that many days since I know it was maybe a week or less ... Whatever. I'm so splitting atm. So I'll shut up before I say something else
Her: hate? when the fck did i mention that? yes, better shut up before you stick your foot in your mouth as usual since i've done nothing hostile to you as if me feeling like i matter to no one and have the smallest amt of friends possible is somehow how an Attack on You.
Me: you blocked me... on "accident" how does that even happen.... i've told you tons of times that the amount of friends depends solely on yourself. and your willingness to talk to people and work past the anxiety and fear that talking to people causes. . . otherwise I wouldn't even have friends. because if i isolated and neveer talked to anyone ever first that nobody would talk to me in the first place. . . ugh whatever. i've said too much im just going to sober up and talk later i guess.... I can't always be here I try to be but like we said previously, i didn't know what to do between give you loads of attention and give you nothing at all...
Her: tumblr mobile? lol. if you can't believe me when i say that then i don't really want to talk to you since everytime i feel bad or have like, negative feelings regarding my own situations you always take it so personally (1) and then i have to dread these fcking conversations so when we've been talking normally on twitter it all goes to fcking shit because you can't accept that i get to feel bad and feel upset about stuff regardless of whether or not im taking actions to help myself in my own way at my own pace...doesn't mean you get to think that i hate you so i blocked you because what the fuck how does it work when we've been chatting like everyday on twitter? and it was (what i thought) fine? good? (2) if it really was the case i wouldve blocked you here or just flat out deleted since then i'd only have one fucking follower :) so just. let me have emotions. and don't assume things. this is so funny because i remember you getting mad at me months ago for the same exact thing and here we are, situations reversed
Me: BECAUSE i have a huge fear of abandonment.... it was fine but this stuff even if its an accident just idk .... i guess you never saw how much abandonment even if its an accident sends me into depressive spirals??? have i ever left you no. i've been distant yes but i've never full on unfollowed or left... idk you block me a lot and delete and it hurts every time.
Her: "even if" can you believe me????? first off???? (3) and no you havent god if it was such a problem just follow me and then ask me about it because why would i lie lol (4) i don't like friendships built on lies i'll never talk to someone like that genuinely i have insecurities too. i have enough
Me: ok it was an accident.
Her: i didn't even think it was a problem first off considering all those people you put on your thanksgiving post. and then you never noticed/messaged me about so i was like k, so that's that! and just talked w/ you normally here (5) so let's just accept the fact that we've got our problems and there's better ways to handle this than assuming motives
Me: so you did change url because of that post??? like my paranoid ass thought???? i was right on that???? cause i noticed that and was like... maybe its not related but was it????? cause I just want to know... im not mad at that at all just... i want to not assume things atm. and i notice stuff slowly because I try not to fall into obsessive traits. its not healthy to check who im following or who is greyed out or blocked every single day. . . I try to just let things be but when I do notice stuff i can't help but explode. I tried to be calm by just asking why.... but i clearly failed at that. its whatever. I followed back. if it happens again just like.. tell me please??? this stuff makes me so close to slitting my wrist
Her: no, i changed my url because i was sitting on that url for a while and i wanted to use it
Me: okay, it was just a paranoid thought.
Her: well, i really, really, really, don't like when you start assuming things even after i tell you or not believing me. we've been friends for how long? does it mean nothing? you'd think i'd lie at this point? x____x (6) .those thoughts make me want to die
Me: i'm sorry for thinking irrationally, but with how many people just up and leave, all the time even with being friends for long periods its hard not to jump to conclusions. I am in the wrong for falling into my own paranoid thoughts. You explained things and I don't believe that you are lying so its fine.
Her: oh, now you believe me after i have to hold your hand when i'm upset (7) whatever i'm probably not going to follow back because i hate that i have no friends and my mutuals ignore all my posts when i try to put myself out there it's gotten to a point where i can't post stuff on tumblr anymore because i know no one gives a shit like even as happy as i am about my commission i know if i post that on my tumblr i'll make the artist seem bad when no one likes my post idc. i'm bitter and alone and probably always will be because i don't have any friends aside from you o/ like, be grateful you even have that many people to be grateful for (8) i'd kill for it i feel like dying when i think about this and i think about it a lot but ofc i don't moan about it anywhere except on this stupid fucking twitter account where you seem ot think i live a dandy life (9) it fcking sucks bc im trying my best! anyways im done lol oh and then you post shit like *Edit* (Screenshot of some tags where I said I always listen to people but nobody likes listening to me so I talk to my cats a lot which is true because I’m a burden and i hate bothering people with my problems so much) that when you damn well no i have no one else to listen to except you online and we've been civil lately but ok! i guess i don't care! because im living it up! #sarcasm (10)
Me: you havent followed me in probably over 10 or so months, whenever i remade, cause i don't think you followed me when i delteed either, i didn't expect a follow back at all. i just expect us to be not mutuals but still friends? THEN TALK TO PEOPLE TALK TO PEOPLE AND TALK TO PEOOPLE thats all i did was work past my fears and talk to people and some stuck around some didn't. i dont know what else to say. some of those people haven't actually spoken to me in months either but im still grateful for them. I have nothing else to really advise on that other than you gotta put the talking in first. thats all i've done and its somehow managed to not fuck it up for this long??? i dont think i've had any friend longer than whenever we started being friends... so around 2 years...
Her: no offense but just talking to people doesn't do shit :) but seriously, thanks :) (Phone lagged) So I repeated my previous message by accident)
Her: yeah probably the only reason you havent fucked it up is because i dont want to be fucking alone and i dont give up easily so ive stayed with this even fi you make me feel like fucking shit when this happens & since you said nothing to everything else i just said i guess im right :) god im over this i dont want to fight and i dont want to talk to you becaus eim always explaining my problems and you just like. tell me the same shit each time as if it'll magically do stuff liek the fact that im trying doesnt mean anything i dont wanna talk to you if its always going to be like this ill take the goddamn loss and be lonely while youve got your fucking harem of friends idc if its an exaggeration the point is everyone i considered a friend has just stopped talking to me completely and the only thing i get here is you telling me what to do like i need cold hard instructions for making a friend
ME: Harem??? You know nothing about anything. Ya know what..... forget it. If it's better I don't say anything because nothing I says helps and I'm a broken record. You want to assume because I tagged a lot of people doesn't mean I wasn't just fishing for validation. Me trying to help is just being a dumb mistake. I can't help anyone and why I try is also confusing because I am pointless. I'm keeping you in my note regardless you have been here and listened and that hadn't changed. But if this is just going to explode it's going to explode. All I do is ruin everything and I don't even care anymore I'm going to buy a gun soon anyways. So what's the point in trying to make something work. I've always been a shit friend and it's just not worth it to you at this point. So okay.
Her: HERE let me qutoe for you something "idc if its an exaggeration" ^^^^^^^ unlike you im aware when im being irrational lmao (11) apparnetly you get to be and i dont thats how it always is did you ever think about it feels for me when my only friend does shit like this constantly like lmao ofc not bc why would you consider anything from my point of view this conversation is over until you want to stop fucking assuming i dont care LOL and acting as if me letting you go is the best thing that could happen to me like we couldnt j ust talk on twitter and let it fucking be but you have todrag it all in at least i get to get stuff off my chest thats the only fucking good that comes out of this like you dont get that you telling me the same thing hurts because it doesnt fucking work and i dont have any fucking friends i have college to deal with and studies and that pressure but you dont know the half of it? but you just want to assume, assume, assume (12) i cried already out of anger
Me: I didn't have friends in college either
Her: big offense but i dont want to continue this conversation
ME: Okay
Her: unles syoure willing to admit to your bullshit because ima lways doing that and im always getting the end of your shit
Me: I am made of nothing but bullshit I'm nothing but a huge fucking shit storm and I always will be. You should have left a long time ago because I don't know how to not be toxic It's not That I won't be upset by you leaving far from it but you deserved better people and maybe if you had left and kept trying as you have been things will turn around. Because literally everyone that has ever done that with me ended up fine and in a good spot. I hold people back. And that's all I can think of. I ruin other people's lives by being in it. And I've certainly made your life worse. And I'm just better off dead because I am a selfish fucking loser. I'll shut up now.
#personal#conversations#am I in the wrong???#my perception of reality is very bad#I wish I could tell easily when im being irrational#but i feel like im also just being belittled and treated poorly in her responses too#i am toxic#bad friends#idk ... man#there is a lot i want to say to certain points I might edit and respond with my thoughts now that I am no longer intoxicated#long post
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