#if they have another ship name pls lmk!

[aethersflood]

Wild and impetuous. I expected more of the boy who bested my lord commander. Yet I see why my master covets you so. The power within you, Mythos. The potential.

[evelynpr]

I'm really starting to take a liking for Toshi x Tsukauchi because it's honestly so sweet. He's one of the few people in the world who can be fully himself around. He treasures their meetings so much. They butt heads about what it takes to be a hero, and Tsukauchi handles a lot of paperwork for All Might because of all his antics, but man I'm certain he really takes pride in it.

Also, the rose scented bath bomb and their private dates? The joke of Tsukauchi wearing it that his coworker thought he has a "lady friend" now? How All Might kinda has a history of picking up men, then them being his "hero partner"? Come on now.

If Naomasa did start to take a liking to Toshi, his "All Might agency coworker", Makoto (his sister) would ABSOLUTELY find out and make hell of a fun of him. But damn, when she finds out its fucking All Might he's going out with, she's going to be sooooo mad she didn't figure it out sooner.

I'm now reading Vigilantes and honestly it's quite fun. I like this found family we got, and Koichi really feels a lot like if Izuku were a lot more "normal" of a person (or imo, not autistic and less bullied lmao).

Koichi is a loner, incredibly nice, selfless, and heroic. He's an All Might fan who has (almost) every All Might hoodie. But he's not analyzing every little detail of each hero and villain and quirk he encounters and scrambling to write them all down, nah that's Izuku Midoriya's thing.

In fact, if you put them side-by-side, it makes it really apparent just how crazy and freaky Izuku is as a hero, as a nerd, as a boy overall. I love Izuku for it honestly, and it makes him more interesting, you can't even just chalk it up to how he is around 3 years younger than Koichi.

[atyourmerci]

✩Your Galaxy✩

✩ ✩

Abby Anderson / Mandolorian AU

Summary: Abby as a Mandolorian. No specific relationship to reader yet (will obv get into if this turns into a fic).

Warnings: smut, MDNI, some fluff holy fuck Madda wrote fluff?? Fingering, cunnilingus, switch!abby, switch!reader, cannon typical violence, no y/n, only description of reader is having hair, making up shit about space and Star Wars uni that I don’t know!!!it’s fine!!!

A/N: hey babies, so I’ve been sittingggg on this idea for a sec and idk if it will gel with you guys so pls lmk if this would be something you’re interested in. I guess this is a blurb?? If you wanna see it turn into a fic pls let me know:))

✩ ✩

Mando!abby who takes off her gloves so she can feel how wet you really are, even when you promise her.

Mando!abby who let’s you trace your fingers along her face in the darkness of the night so you can imagine what she truly looks like. The first time you weren’t expecting her vulnerability, she had just fucked you senseless as you laid there heaving when she pulled your shaky fingertips to her defined face, allowing you to let them roam freely.

Mando!abby who took her helmet off for the first time when you were laid inbetween her thighs, lapping at her swollen clit. She wanted you to hear her pathetic whimpers that no one else had. You squeezed your eyes shut tightly when you heard the rustling of the helmet come off, but she trusted you… “k- keep going baby I- jus’ wanna watch you”

Mando!abby who couldn’t help but to admit her real name with you as she had you bent over her bed, helmet off heavy breathed over the shell of your ear, driving her soaked fingers into your needy cunt. “F-fuck Mando…” you pathetically breathe out, muffled by the thin white fabric of her bed. “Abby,” Mando remarked flatly. It took you aback at the unrecognizable name, your body froze as your mind raced, did she call you the wr- “call me abby,” she corrects herself. A guttural breath you didn’t notice you were holding escapes your lips. Abby…Abby. A delicate name for the otherwise ruthless murderer. The name swirled aimlessly in your mind over and over again…abby.

Mando!abby who’s secret you knew. She was able to go unrecognized as a woman in her field, tweaking her modulator so her voice came out husky, her build making her larger and more threatening than any other mandolorian you had seen before. She didn’t want them to treat her differently, think less of her ability. You accidentally stumbled upon her well held secret when she came back to the ship with a gash across her abdomen. She tried hiding it from you, but it came up so close on her chest you unknowingly forced it out of her. You froze at the sight of her black bra peeking under her tunic, cheeks flushed. “Don’t say a fucking word,” she bit under her breath. You internally pulled yourself together with your new found information on the mysterious killer, wild eyed averting your gaze back to her cover eyes, eyes that you’ll never see. “Okay.” You said with an attempt at confidence. An attempt at reassurance. She had no reason to trust your word, but she did.

Mando!abby who insists on showering your body even if the lights are on. A stupid fucking ship. If the shower was running the lights had to be on. This was an automatic off zone for you when things started with you and abby. Not only could you see her face, but her entire body would be revealed to you in the intimate space of the well-lit shower. Her body that you had only seen bits and pieces of in desperate, heavy breathed moments, but never her face. But when you had returned from a rather brutal hunt, blood caked in your hair, she insisted to clean you off. “B-but abby-“ before you can protest she began removing your blood soaked clothing out of your sight behind you, “just close your eyes, I’ll stand behind you. I’m not leaving you by yourself for another moment,” the tang of her sweet voice fluttered your ears, unmarked by the hardness of the modulated voice of her visor.

Taglist: @wishbones999 @bookpagecandlescent @littlegingerperson5 @lookforthelight1 @fict1onallyobsessed

[14th-century-verona-queer]

GUYS

GUYS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

I USED TO LOVE VOLTRON WHEN I WAS YOUNGER LIKE I LOOOOOOOOVED THAT SHOW

OBVS ITS BEEN A LARGE NUMBER OF YEARS (WILL NOT BE SPECIFYING HOW LONG IN ODER NOT TO DATE MYSELF TYVM) AND I HAVENT HEARD ANY OF THE CHARACTER’S VOICES IN A HELLA LONG TIME

I TOOK A LITTLE GANDER ON PINTREST CAUSE I WANTED TO SEE WHAT LANCE SOUNDED LIKE TO SEE IF IT WAS THE SAME AS I REMEMBERED AND

BITCH WHAT THE ACTUAL FRESHLY-SQUEEZED BEETS FUCK??

I DID NOT IMAGINE THIS MAN TO HAVE THIS SLIGHTLY DEEP VOICE THAT IS LITERALLY EQUIVALENT TO KEITHS (except Keith has more gravel to his voice) I THOUGHT THIS MAN SOUNDED LIKE FUCKING BEN SCHWARTZ.

I AM SO DISRTUBED RN

HAVE I BEEN LYING TO MYSELF ALL THESE YEARS?

DOES CORAN HAVE AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT OR IS THAT ANOTHER THING MY STUPID MEMORY MADE UP??????

WHAT THE HELL GUYS??????

ON A SIDE NOTE IF THERES EVER A REBOOT OF VOLTRON (AND AN ACTUAL GOOD ONE WITH BUDGET PLEASE) I HAVE A SHORT LIST OF REQUESTS

Make Lance be voiced by Ben Schwartz cause no way this mans has a (semi-deep) ish voice??

Klance is cannon

keep the rest of the cast from voltron EXCEPT FOR LANCE

DO NOT BY ANY MEANS KILL ALLURA. YOU WANT LANCE TO HAVE ALTEA CHEEK MARKS? MAKE IT HAPPEN BY THEIR CLOSE BOND IDFK

LANCE DOES NOT END UP AS A FUCKING FARMER WTF?

The whole gang wear dresses for AT LEAST once fight

we figure out why tf allura’s mom was always wearing pink like who was she mourning??

she-ra and the princesses of power reference

black paladin lance cause YOU CANNOT TELL ME HE ISNT PERFECT FOR THE JOB. SHIRO CAN BE MENTORING ON TEH SIDELINES OR SOME SHIT OR MAYBE THEY FIND A KICKASS SHIP THAT IS A GOOD ASSET IDK??

Cursing, cursing, CURSING. My girl pidge needs to say fuck at least once an episode. Make it at least pg-13 or something bro.

Yup thats it! (Will probably continue to update as I spontaneously gain new ideas)

Fr haven’t watched the show in a long time so i dont even remember the plot, so go wild! Make them go on new adventures! Do fun shit! Idk! I just can’t keep living off of fanart knowing that it will never become a reality!

(Lowkey if anyone knows how to pitch ideas to people who will make this shit happen pls lmk cause i need cannon klance like i need air to breathe. But just be forewarned i have like 50 cents to my name)

[ecklekecle]

Can we talk about the lack of Rosekiller fics out there... with that thought in mind if anyone has any recs lmk pls i beg In return I also have fic recs <3 (well my favourite rosekiller fics (and other fics) lol) I'll be honest tho, a lot of these are actually fairly popular but I still hugely recommend them nonetheless :) Rosekiller I'm Not Gonna Teach Him How to Dance with You by greensenne “You’d be my best man wouldn’t you, Evs?

There’s an ugly pain burning low in his chest as he says, “Of course. What are friends for?”

—

Or, Barty's father forces him into an arranged marriage, and Evan is to be his best man. Which would be fine if Evan weren't head over heels in love with him. Intermission by bizarrestars Evan and Barty have no plans to fall in love.

Life rarely goes as planned, though, does it?

Straight A's by stargirly161 "Their grades had been acting like a sick game of tug-of-war, alternating like the phases of the moon, waxing in one of their favours before waning and swapping power to the other. Switching between first and second place like neither of them could find their footing on the podiums."

Or, Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr start their last year of sixth form determined to each be top of their class. Tests, bets and group projects force them to reconsider their fierce academic rivalry and maybe, possibly, discover that there's a thin line between love and hate. Tender Curiosities Baby by otrtbs A glimpse into the exploits of Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr. as they go through this thing called life (with all its ups and downs), together.

An extension of the Art Heist, Baby! universe.

Other Ships (There's probably background Rosekiller in these tbh, I can't remember)

A String of Consequences by semistrawberry The brewing of amortentia in Regulus' potions class, creates a chain reaction few people expected.

Art Heist Baby by otrtbs When James Potter answers a mysterious ad in his local coffee shop, the last thing he expects is to be thrown into a world of white collar crime, but how can he resist when the mastermind behind the operation has dark hair and brooding eyes and promises wealth beyond James' wildest imagination? He would do anything for that boy named after a star, including stealing millions of dollars of fine art. Pink Lemonade by moonysbookshelf If you had told James Potter 2 weeks ago that he would be touring with Regulus Black, he would’ve admitted you to a mental hospital and then driven himself off a bridge. If you had told Regulus Black the same thing, he would’ve slapped you across the face.

But here they were.

// After not seeing each other for 4 years, James and Regulus are forced to tour Europe together for The Marauders' Insidious Tour.

Kill Your Darlings by MesserMoon Kill Your Darlings: To remove or refrain from using something in spite of one's affection for it

Years after Regulus loses his brother they're reunited, and as he struggles to figure out where he fits in Sirius's life he also struggles not to get lost in the impossible feelings he has for Sirius's best friend.

Delicate by The IdeaOfSarcasm “Lils?” “Yeah, one second” The line keeps ringing for another long moment before the third voice joins, “What's wrong?” Lily can’t help but huff a laugh. “Hello to you too Marlene” “Hey Marls.” Mary echos. “Yeah, hi, what’s wrong?” Marls insists. “It’s…well it’s good news” The line stays quiet but Lily can feel it. They know. “I wrote a song.” “Fuck yes bitch.” Marlene hollers. “Thank god.” Mary groans “Are we going back? Did you speak to the label?” Trust Mary to be itching to get back in the studio. “I did, I also… I pulled a favour.” the line goes quiet again. “From Jaime?” Marls asks hesitantly. James Potter. Long term friend of them all and a very touchy subject recently. “No.” Lily hesitates again. “From Regulus Black.”

Até você aparecer by withtheoldstars James was an underground illegal boxer and Regulus simply wanted to go through university without any problems.

When their paths unexpectedly collided, Regulus felt that his life would never be the same again. (I hope everyone enjoys these! turns out i actually have quite a few favourite fics but i just didn't want the list to get too long (and most of the fics i read are mostly popular so.. idk, its hard to recommend things that majority of people have already read lol) anywho live love laugh rosekiller (and everyone else <33) )(I'm sure I ahve other recs too just cant remember atm lol)

[artficlly]

the shadow (miniseries - part one)

Post Endgame Avengers AU miniseries - part one

avenger!bucky x widow!reader avenger!yelena x widow!reader (platonic)

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

Reader is an ex-black widow sniper who escaped the Red Room with the help of Yelena and Natasha. After working as an illegal hired gun, Yelena recruits the reader to the team as a sniper. The reader is closed off, not wanting to form connections or friends with anyone. Though, as their shell begins to crack, they notice they have a lot in common with a certain Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: violence, death, wound descriptions, lots of blood and gore, mention of weapons, swearing, low self-esteem reader, mentions of past non-con, lots of angst. lmk if anything needs to be added.

Word Count: 6.8k

A/N: hi! this is a pretty angsty/gorey fic I've had in my brain for awhile now. i don't know if many people will vibe with this, so might just be written for my weird interests lol. i think this will be two, maybe three parts? I just wanted something a bit more intense to work on alongside face the music (which is a more wholesome college au multi chapter fic). I'm very interested in exploring the 'what if' side of what happens to all the widows once they escape. I am also a sucker for feminist readings/feminine rage so this is a fun outlet. I have some plans for more ex-widow content (maybe longer series) but i wanted to get this mini-series up as a sort of taster! there isn't a heap of bucky barnes content in this part, but oh boy, there is some coming in the next part!! not proof read - pls forgive any typos.

main masterlist

Many unexpected things had happened during your life, even before you were old enough to understand how unexpected they were. 

Firstly, you had been torn from your birth family at a young age. You never knew if your family had willingly given you up. You had heard tales of starving mothers, selling their children in order to survive. Other tales said that the mothers refused to sell their children. Though, a mothers love was not enough to sustain through the Russian winters. Those mothers died for the love of their children, but regardless their children were still taken by the Red Room. 

Others whispered that the women of the Red Room were specifically chosen for their genetics, hunted down and stolen. There was no regard for a mothers love, only the possibility of another weapon to create. 

Deep down you could hope that your mother had loved you. 

You would never know. 

The second unexpected thing to happen in your life was when you escaped. Much like the other Widows, you had spent most of your life under the control of men. You had been a weapon, faceless, deadly. You had survived the training that many didn’t and that was the only thing that made you of value. The discovery of a life beyond the Red Room? A life beyond what you had been crafted for? Freedom was more frightening than any mission or task you had undertaken. 

With the Red Room gone, thanks to Yelena Belova and Natalia Alianovna? You were purposeless. You were a small ship, lost at sea. You were a small ball of rock, hurtling through space, burning up and dying out. There was no reason for you to exist, there was no life for you. You were a killer, a monster. Why did you deserve peace? How could you ever find peace with all the blood on your hands? You were raised to be a killer, and a killer you were. 

In the Red Room you were The Shadow. A faceless sniper, one of the best in the world. You did your job, and you did it well. Even after you were freed, you continued to work as a sniper to find some meaning. You were good at disconnecting from your emotions. Taking the shot wasn’t one to sweat, you floated above your body and pulled that fucking trigger. 

The people who hired you didn't know your name. They didn’t see your face. You were a weapon and you would kill without question. A father, a mother, a child? It didn’t make a difference to you. It was just another target. Even if you were free from Dreykov, you were still the weapon he had built you to be. As much as you tried, as much as you fought, screamed and cried. You were a Widow, a faceless killer, a nobody, a Shadow. 

The third unexpected thing to happen in your life was Yelena Belova. She was a force, hurtling into your life. You had never expected it. You thought once she freed all the Widow's it would be over. She wouldn’t need to associate with her fellow Widows anymore. She was a hero, she made it big. She would become an Avenger like Natalia. Start over, fresh face, new name. Natalia, Natasha. She had been a hero, she had freed all of the Widows. You? You were a gun for hire, bottom of the barrel scum. 

Yet, there Yelena had stood, reaching out to pull you from the snake pit. 

You had been hired for an inside job, some drug deal with the potential to go very wrong. You were to keep watch, blow out the brains of their competitor if necessary. You didn’t think into the ethics, you just shot who you were told to shoot. You should’ve known Yelena would keep tabs on you, you should’ve known that day would come. Even if you were nameless and faceless, you were still a weapon. The world doesn’t just lose weapons, no, they either used them or prayed for their untimely death. 

The deal went messy, as anticipated. You went to shoot but a foot was on your rifle making you pause. 

“You’re getting sloppy, Shadow.” The blonde had tutted at you. “I have been standing here, for what? Two minutes? You didn’t even see me.” 

You didn’t know why her speaking Russian shocked you so much. You had spent so many years dealing with Americans and Europeans that you had slipped into the comfort of English too easily. You had just assumed that the world of superheroes had Americanised Yelena, like they had Natasha. But there she was, Yelena fucking Belova in the flesh. Your third unexpected thing. 

“Come to tell me off for being a bad girl, Belova?” You teased, hand subtly finding the knife at your thigh out of instinct. You doubted Yelena had come here to kill you, you had heard through the grapevine about her little mission. She had spent two years freeing Widows across the globe. Though, you couldn’t help but notice that Yelena was armed to the teeth. Knives and guns tucked into hidden pockets through her black suit. You had heard she had become an Avenger - well atleast what was left of the team. Stepping into Natasha's role, she wanted to do good so bad. You could never be that, a hero. You weren’t meant to be anything other than another man’s blade or bullet. 

After Steve Rogers death, the Avengers had spiraled for a time. Eventually, Sam Wilson had taken up the mantle. A few had followed, Bucky Barnes, Clint Barton, his protégé Kate Bishop as well as Yelena. You didn’t even know if they called themselves ‘The Avengers’ anymore, only that they acted like them. Seemed they were running off the left-overs of Stark’s money as well as government funding. You had heard rumors about Scott Lang or even Steven Strange still floating around. After Wanda Maximoff had gone near-insane, the world had turned a cruel eye on their heroes. Even if they had been the only ones to save them from The Blip. People - your people - they didn’t want to be classed as heroes anymore, but somehow they were still committed to ‘doing good’. 

“I could tell you off,” Yelena drawled, eyes following your every move. You were on your knees now, slowly rising from the lying position you had held. If Yelena was a predator, you were certainly her prey. Unfortunately for her, you were also a predator when cornered. Outside, you could hear gunshots overlapping each other, shouting and grunting. It hurt that it annoyed you, that Yelena would be inadvertently ruining your reputation. You always made the shot, always. Except this time. You supposed being held up by Yelena fucking Belova was a better excuse than missing your shot. No, now that would be embarrassing and reputation destroying. The Shadow missing a shot? Unheard of. 

“I want to offer you a job. Could be a one time thing, could be more. Pays better than whatever this is, and is certainly more legal than whatever this is.” Yelena continues her spiel. She had palmed a knife, waving it as she spoke for extra effect. It was a hunting knife, sharpened to perfection. You didn’t like to imagine how the serrated edge would feel cutting into your flesh. 

“Your jobs barely qualify as legal,” You snip back, carefully eyeing her movements. Was she signaling someone through the window? The glare of the sun against the blade would surely be visible outside. There could be an entire team outside waiting to take you down. Yelena could just be the distraction. Your hand tightens around the handle of your own knife, ready to pull it from its holster at the slightest indication of an ambush. 

“Everything is legal if you work for the right people,” Yelena cuts back, tilting her head as she observes you. Time was ticking, you knew this could go one of two ways. You really hoped it wouldn’t end with one of you bleeding out on the floor. You had respect for Yelena, for what she and Natasha had done. 

“What if I say no?” You ask, russian muffled through your mask. You always wore them on jobs, always. You were a faceless weapon, mixing your identity in would not help you shoot better. Yelena smirks at you, finger running down the blade of her knife. She looked so casual, leaning against the window sill without a care in the world. She was definitely better armed than you. Your ears strain, trying to hear if someone is climbing the stairs of the building. All you can hear is the scuffle of the deal downstairs in the alley. 

“The government is interested in you. They don’t have a name yet, just… a shadow of a person to look for. Ex-Widow, a hired gun. I can make it go away. I know powerful people.” You could see her teeth through her smirk as she spoke. It was a thinly veiled threat. Pull your shit together, you’ve drawn too much attention to yourself. No, this was the difference between you and Yelena. She had cared, she had become the hero she had needed. You had stayed the same monster, spiraled further into your own hatred and disgust. You had become the person people needed saving from. Yelena cared so much about every Widow that the idea of one slipping through the cracks? It would haunt her. She was warning you, giving you a way out. She wanted to help you. 

The shouting and gunshots outside had died down, now only the sound of several sirens approaching. Time was still ticking and you were running out.

“Make your choice quickly, Shadow. Make it wisely though, I really don’t want to kill you.” Yelena purred. You eyed her for a long moment, carefully getting to your feet. Despite her cold exterior, the way she tried to be intimidating… You could see the pleading in her eyes. She wanted you to come with her, she wanted to help you. But you couldn’t help but wonder if you deserved saving? 

So many years, so many dead bodies. The only thing that kept you going was your strength, your reluctance to die. But after so many years of running, so many years of being alone… was there a reason to keep fighting? That sickness, it clawed away in your brain. You didn’t deserve saving. 

The sirens drew nearer. Reluctantly, you spoke. Even if that sickness was strong, your stubbornness and desire to breathe was stronger. You would live out of spite. You would live just to spit in the faces of those who wanted you dead. If you were going to die, it would be on your own terms. 

“Who am I shooting?” You ask, reaching out your gloved hand for Yelena to shake. Yelena must feel some kind of relief, you see her shoulders droop every-so-slightly as she shakes your hand.

“That list seems to be endless these days.” She replies with a grin. 

—

The small rural town was desolate. A ghost town, Yelena had said. A ghost town that had become infested with vermin.

Remnants of society still remained. You could imagine the ghosts of people passing by as you navigated through the landscape. A cracked concrete road, overgrown with weeds. The apartment buildings with their windows smashed out, graffiti scrawled across crumbling stone. Billboards years out of date, forgotten band-posters peeling off walls and lampposts. You couldn’t say who once lived here - but whoever they were, they were most certainly gone or dead. 

You were positioned on the second-floor of a disintegrating school house. The building itself was several stories higher but you had taken one look at the unstable staircase and thought better of it. Ripped, stained curtains blew lightly in the wind, at the front of the room a cracked blackboard still had the date July 17th, 1994 scrawled across it. 

You were in your usual working gear. Your suit was tight and flexible for ease of movement, adorned with pads on the knees, elbows and shoulders. Your hands were clothed with fingerless gloves and most importantly you wore your mask. A belt holds a handgun, lower down some straps across your thighs hold knives and pockets for convenience. They were for if things got messy, your real weapon was tossed over your back - a duffle bag with your sniper rifle inside.  

Broken glass crunched under your combat boots as you cautiously approached the window. The building you had chosen was strategic. Across from you was an old office building, just as run down as the one you stood in. Unlike the school house, the old office housed a group of criminals. 

Sam Wilson had insisted that he didn’t want to kill them, that he just wanted to talk to them. He wanted to talk them down and tell them to surrender peacefully. If things turned messy, he would give you the signal and you would shoot. The two groups would be standing in the concrete courtyard between the two buildings. At the slightest chance of danger, the slightest chance they weren’t ready to surrender? You would pull the trigger and pop their leader's skull open. 

Sam Wilson and his crew hadn’t been happy to see you when Yelena had brought you to the aircraft for transport. He had taken one look at you, masked, all in black and imploded. 

“Yelena, who the hell is this?” Sam had snapped. Yelena had just laughed at him, motioning for you to sit and buckle in next to her on the aircraft. 

“You told me to get a sniper!” 

It seemed when Sam Wilson had asked for a sniper, he hadn’t asked for you. Ex-widow, criminal, The Shadow. When Yelena had introduced you with your alias, Kate Bishop had gaped at you. Bucky Barnes was tense, you would’ve been surprised if he hadn’t recognised your name. Clint Barton seemed neutral, you supposed he was used to dealing with deadly women. 

You found it ironic how upset Sam Wilson was. He had helped Steve Rogers save Bucky Barnes, The Winter Soldier. You supposed the difference was that Barnes had tried to change when he was freed. Despite the mind control, the torture… he wanted to do good. You were just damaged beyond repair. Sitting there, with those heroes? It made you feel sick. Playing dress up, that’s all it was. 

You had over 700 confirmed kills with your rifle, even more kills if you counted other weapons at your disposal. You were an assassin, a hitwoman, a fucking menace. Bucky Barnes would have more total kills than you, but he had stopped killing. He had felt remorse. You had kept killing, kept digging that hole because it was all you knew how to do. He had been a normal boy before the war. You were a killing machine, a girl robbed of a childhood. If you hadn’t been freed, would have even known about the childhood you had missed? You didn’t remember your mother, nor if you had any siblings. All you had known was cruelty. 

Brushing some of the broken glass away with your foot, you began setting up your rifle. Through the ear-piece you could hear the chatter of the rest of the team as they headed to their spot. You had gone ahead to set up, they were about 20 minutes away from the school house. Gun at the ready, you lay down on your stomach, eye to the scope. 

“In position, over.” You mutter into the ear piece. 

“Copy that, over.” Sam Wilson replied quickly.

You settled into your spot, watching the building ahead. You were a good sniper not only because of your ability to disconnect, but also because of your levels of patience. You had spent days in this exact position, waiting, sweating for your chance at a target. 

By the time the others were in position, you had counted every window in the building across from you. 25 per story, making it 125 all together for all 5 stories. There was movement on the bottom floor and the second. You assumed they didn’t go any higher due to the same reason as you - a crumbling staircase. Each window had blue curtains - different to the beige ones in your room. Nearly all the windows were smashed, except for on the top story that seemed to remain relatively untouched. 

Through the ear-piece you could hear what Sam was saying. Both groups stood in the center of the courtyard, hands on their undrawn weapons. The new generation of Avengers were outnumbered 5 to 1. The tenison was clear, even as Sam tried joking around with the opposing leader. Everything was going smoothly, exactly as planned. That was, until you saw a glint in one of the third story windows. 

You thought you imagined it at first - a trick of the eye. But then you saw it again, and then a third time. There was another sniper, trained directly on Sam Wilson. You didn’t feel stressed by this, it was just another complication in a high-tension mission. It made sense, you had anticipated that maybe your targets would be smart enough to bring a sniper to this ‘talk’. The other sniper was up slightly higher than you - you wouldn’t be able to get a good hit on him unless you went up another couple stories. 

“There’s a sniper, third story. Sixth window to the left.” You breathed into the comms, fully knowing the rest of the team wouldn’t be able to verbally respond. If the opposing side got any indication that you were up there? Game over. They would signal their sniper to take the shot on Sam. It would take hours to pick bits of his skull out of their clothes and hair. 

“I need to change positions to get a better look, keep him talking.” You continue. Slowly, you roll away from the window and drag your gun with you. You needed to keep to the shadows, become a shadow literally. If the sniper spotted you it would be over. 

With a quiet grunt, you pull the gun from the room. Pressing your back against the hallway wall, you quickly rise to your feet and head towards the staircase with a huff. Sam was still rambling on about peaceful surrender over the comms ear-piece, stalling until you could get a better look at the sniper. 

The stairs wobbled and shook as you moved up them quickly and quietly as possible. You could hear chunks of wood and stone crumbling from beneath and falling with each step you took. Opting for the 4th story, you quickly set up in position by a new window. Same torn, beige curtains and shattered glass across the floor.

From this position you had a better look into the third story windows. Looking down, you could see the outline of a body laid flat with the rifle, much like your own position. Due to the broken windows and ripped curtains, you had a fairly clear shot at the figures head as they trained all their focus on what was happening below. 

“I’m going to shoot the sniper first, he has a shot on you Wilson. I’ll still have a clear shot on the target, just might take a moment.” You explain. They don’t reply, as expected. The situation below seems to be growing tense, you can hear the tone of the target's voice growing more aggressive by the second. Lining up your shot on the sniper, you hold your breath. Sam says the signal word. 

You pull the trigger. 

As the shot rings out, the men below scatter. You can hear the rest of the team screaming at you through your ear-piece. It all gets jumbled up, just white noise in your brain as you line up your next shot. This was why you usually worked alone. You didn’t crack under pressure in a situation like this, but having screaming ringing in your ear was bringing you damn near to it. You can’t be bothered listening to what they are yelling about. You didn’t need them telling you that your target was seconds away from escaping your bullet. Didn’t they know you never missed? 

The target was a few feet away from the safety of the building. Chunks of flesh, skull and brains explode across the cracked concrete as you pull the trigger once more. Through the scope, you watch the body slump to the ground, a pool of blood quickly spreading around the corpse. 

“Holy shit!” You hear Kate yell through the ear-piece. You don’t know if she’s complementing your shot or reacting to the spray of blood up the side of the opposite building. The last of the men who scattered stepped over the body, disappearing into the office building. 

“There's another headed for the sniper rifle, Shadow!” Yelena shouts at you through comms. Her and Clint have breached the office, you can see the shape of them fighting through the broken windows. 

“Got it,” You mutter back. You cast a glance at where Sam and Bucky were fighting out in the open. Bucky seems swarmed, trying to shake a man who has wrapped his arms around his throat. You make a silent note of it, casting your scope back to the third story window. The figure that rushes to replace the dead man is quickly taken out by your rifle. He doesn't even get a chance to touch the rifle before his blood paints the wall behind him. 

No one else makes a dash for the sniper rifle. You turn your gaze back to the courtyard, noticing that Bucky is still swarmed by several men. Sam has been pulled too far away from him to help. You can’t see Kate anymore, but from the yelling coming through the comms she is inside the office with Clint and Yelena. 

One of the opposers has picked up a hand-gun and is pointing it squarely at Bucky’s chest as he struggles to get out of the grip of the other men holding him down. Sam barrels towards them, but you know he won’t make it in time. You huff out a sigh, lining up the dangerous shot. You knew if this bullet was at the slight wrong angle it could ricochet directly into Bucky’s chest. 

Is this why Yelena hired you? Because you would make dangerous shots without permission, without regard for human life? Bucky was a super soldier, he could probably survive several gunshot wounds (provided they weren’t directly to the head). Maybe if you cared you would’ve been nervous. Maybe you would’ve hesitated, let your hands shake and sweat. But you don’t care. You disconnect from everything, the shouting through the comms, the sounds of gunshots, the feeling of metal against your skin. You’re not in your body, you are floating above yourself watching the auto-pilot take over. 

You squeeze the trigger. The hand-gun clatters to the ground alongside the attacker. Blood is slick against the paved stones. Through your scope, you swear it has splattered across Bucky’s gruff face. The men attacking Bucky stutter for a moment, giving him the opportunity to shake them off and pummel them with his metal fist. 

He doesn’t even acknowledge what you did.

He doesn’t even say thank you. 

—

One job turned into two. Then two turned into a few more. 

Six months you had been working with Yelena and her crew of disgraced Avengers. You weren't their friends. You didn’t celebrate after missions with them. You kept to yourself, cold and distant. They didn’t know your real name, they hadn’t even seen your face. Yelena would give you a call, pick you up, you would complete the mission, then you would return home. 

You were The Shadow. 

You weren’t a hero. 

Kate and Yelena tried to crack your shell. It usually involved joking and parading around you. All it would earn them was a roll of the eyes and a quiet sigh. Over the comms though, sometimes you would make quiet digs and quips. Clint would roar with laughter, Sam just muttering that he was surprised you had a personality under that mask. 

The mask. Oh, they hated it. 

They were all determined to see beneath it. They made up jokes, stories as to why you wore it. That you were hideously ugly, or scarred beyond human recognition. Bucky seemed to be the only one who understood. He was the only one who was equally as cold to you as you were to him. Your exchanges were brief, usually a series of single words and grunts. It was a relief having someone not trying for your affection at all times. 

Once again, you and your deadly skills were needed for a mission. Another one of Sam’s ‘discussions’ which usually ended with brains splattered across the floor. This time you were in a lightly forested clearing, somewhere in the Estonian wilderness. You were set up in the tree line, laying in a mixture of mud and dead leaves. 

The countryside was peaceful, but gray. Winter was setting in, leaves falling from the birch trees. Their pale trunks were pale against the gray sky that threatened to spill. The breeze was cool, not as cold as Russia had been. No, a Russian winter could be deadly especially the further north you got. You remembered the snow, the discomfort of the cold leaking into your bones. You hadn’t been allowed to complain then, only soldier on. 

“You in position, Shadow?” Yelena asked through the comms. You could see her lips moving through the scope as the group headed towards the designated meeting point. 

“Affirmative. Over.” You state, pushing the ear-piece in a bit further as you settle closer to the cold earth. Relaxing your shoulders with a sharp breath, you surveyed the area through your scope. 

A small group of men had come to meet the team. There were less men than you had anticipated, if a fight ensued it would be one on one. You didn’t like the opponents odds, they looked scruffy, only armed with low-caliber weapons. Definitely not the type to take on a group of superheroes and super soldiers. 

You felt dread sink into your stomach. Something… felt wrong here. Your target reportedly had tons of men at his disposal. It was deep into the Italian mafia, and if they had anything, it was an abundance of men. Where were they all? Was this an ambush? Were they hidden in the brush like you? You could take down a few targets, but you would be more successful with your knives and fists against a small army. Your mind races, along with your gaze as you try to piece it all together. 

“There is something wrong.” You speak into the comms, eyes flickering between Sam and the target as they stood in front of each other. You had done plenty of jobs with the group, all had gone smoothly. But something… something was terribly off here. You could feel it in your gut. The targets men looked antsy, shifting in place. They knew something. They were anticipating something. 

“There’s not enough men. I can’t spot them anywhere in the treelines. Either he’s stupid or this is a set-up.” You ramble into the ear-piece. They can’t respond to you, but you can tell they’re paying attention to your warning. Yelena’s eyes sweep the area, trying to spot more men hidden away somewhere. 

Then, from behind you, you hear the snap of a twig. You spin around, hand flying to your knife. Across from you stand a group of men, armed with shotguns. They’re close, closer than you had realized. You had been too busy trying to figure out where all the men were, trying to anticipate the ambush. You hadn’t realized their ambush was against you. 

This was why you didn’t make friends. Connections. You were too busy worrying about them to realize the immediate danger you were in. The butt of a shotgun cracks against the side of your head. 

Everything goes black. 

—

The mud was cold underneath you, biting into your skin. Your hands were tied, and throughout the intermittent black-outs you recalled being dragged through the dead leaves. You must have been stripped of your weapons, you couldn’t feel the metal of your knives and gun digging in anymore. 

You were bleeding from a head wound, and you were definitely suffering from some kind of concussion. You had touched that throbbing spot with your fingers, rubbing the slick feeling of blood between them. Even through the fabric of your mask, you could feel the sticky blood had spread down the side of your face and neck. A gun was pressed to the back of your skull.

How many men had there been? Had you had a chance to count before you were struck? Had you managed to warn the others before the ear-piece was shattered by the strike? You could still feel bits of plastic and metal digging into your ear along with a high-pitched ringing. You weren’t sure if the ringing was from the ear-piece or from the hit you had received. 

“You really thought I would stand in the open like this? Like a fool?” Your target joked, his Italian accent thick as he laughed heartily. You were kneeling next to him, eyes warily looking between him and the rest of your group who stood across from you. Sam and Bucky looked less than pleased, lips pressed together in tight lines. 

“Rumors have been all through the underground, The Avengers somehow managed to recruit The Shadow?” He continues, still laughing. “Only an idiot would put himself in the open. Taking a chance with The Shadow is asking to have your skull blown open. I am no fool, but maybe you are? Thinking that I would fall for your trick?” 

You can see Yelena trying to keep her cold face on, the one she had given you when she recruited you. It may have fooled the opposition, but you could see the concern in her eyes. She surveyed the mountain of men behind you like she was looking at her next meal. The barrel of the gun pressed harder against the back of your skull.

“We didn’t come here to kill you, we came here to negotiate your peaceful surrender.” Sam spoke up, voice gruff and cold. Behind him, you watched Clint’s fingers ghost over the string of his bow.

“Surrender? Why do you bring a sniper to a peaceful negotiation?” The Italian purred, motioning at you with one hand. His fingers were lined with gold rings, they caught the sunlight through the clouds. He had a gun tucked into his belt, a knife holstered on his hip. 

“You know why. Things get messy. Now, we can still negotiate. You let her go and you hand over your weapons. You will be arrested unharmed, along with all of your men. You’ll face a fair trial for your crimes, a chance at a fresh start.” Sam explained. You could practically hear the target losing interest during Sam’s spiel. You watched him fidget impatiently with those golden rings, the way his men shifted uncomfortably behind you. 

“No no.” Your target chuckled, running his fingers over his bushy black mustache. With the swish of his hand, he dismissed the man holding the gun to your head. His hands then found the back of your neck, tugging you to your feet. Fingers under your chin, he forces you to look into his eyes. “Why would I let her go? I didn’t come here to play games with you, Wilson. I came here because I wanted her. Because I knew she would be here.” 

You resisted a flinch as his fingers dug into the skin of your neck, slipping it under the fabric of your mask. With one tug, he pulled the fabric from your face. This had not been the way you had expected this to happen, the way you would reveal your face to the team. You didn’t want them to feel some kind of connection to you, or any kind of guilt if this ended with a bullet in your skull. 

If you had been able to look, you would’ve seen their shocked faces. How they quickly turned to rage on your behalf. You would’ve seen how Bucky’s eyes darted between looking at you and the ground, like he was witnessing something forbidden. 

You imagined you were a sight, blood smeared across your skin from the head wound. Your hair had been perfectly woven into a crown braid, just like how they taught you in the Red Room. It would be lopsided now, chunks pulled out of place and flyaways from being roughly tugged across the ground. That and the layers of mud caked into your clothing. 

“You know, Dreykov would sometimes leant out Widows to important men like me. You were all so beautiful and you all did exactly what you were told. Made to deliver pleasure. So many men, they would ask for you. To get a glimpse at the mysterious Shadow of the Red Room. Dreykov would never let us have you… 

We would wonder if it was because you were hideously ugly? If you had been scarred like his dear Antonia? But looking at you now, you are as beautiful as I imagined. I can’t help but wonder if Dreykov wanted to keep you for himself? He always said you had too much bite for your worth.”

Gaze still cast at the Italian, you don’t see the team's reaction to this. You wouldn't have seen  Yelena's composure slip, how Sam clenched his fist in rage. Instead you stared, silent fury boiling beneath your skin. 

“I wonder how it will feel to break you?” The target hissed. He watched as your blank expression slowly turned into a sneer. Without much thought, you spit a mixture of saliva and blood into his face with a ragged laugh. 

His face contorted in rage, reaching for the gun in his belt. You don’t dodge, willingly letting him strike you across the face with the metal. You stumble backwards, falling to your knees in the mud. Your lip is definitely split, blood dripping to the ground below you. You’re still laughing though, much to the collective horror of everyone. Sam opens his mouth to speak, to demand your release but you cut him off. 

“You men, you are so emotional. You’re so busy pulling out your cock to piss all over everything that you don’t see the small details.” You seeth at the target. He stares at you in shock, completely oblivious to what you have done. What you are about to do. His men, even your group don’t anticipate what is to come next. 

“What are the smaller details?” The target asks, you can sense misguided amusement in his tone.

You don’t reply. He doesn’t have a chance against you. You had already slipped out of your binds. He was so caught up trying to strike you, trying to prove himself a big and scary man, he hadn’t felt it. Your nimble fingers had wrapped around the knife on his hip, he hadn’t noticed how you had ripped it from its holster as you fell backwards. 

The Italian doesn’t get a chance to take another breath before you snap forwards, striking like a snake. You dig the blade into his thigh, purposefully nicking his artery. Blood gushes from the wound the moment you pull the blade back out.  

Things seem to move in slow motion - you see him react - eyes opening in horror and shock as he stumbles back. You are still on your knees, a feral smirk across your face. His gun lifts, intending to shoot but he is too late. Wrapping your hands around his wrists, you pull the gun to the side just as he pulls the trigger. 

The bang deafens you for a moment, ears ringing. The bullet grazes your ear, then lands directly into the stomach of one of his men behind you. The man wails, falling backwards, knocking a few more of the men off their feet in the process. You move quickly, using your body weight to twist the target's arms, flipping him onto his side into the mud. 

The gun falls to the earth with a thud. Your target doesn’t even get a glance at it before you’ve kicked it away in Sam’s direction. The Italian man groans on his back as he bleeds out. You get to your feet, ignoring the panicked shouts from his men beside you as you observe him. 

“You’re bleeding out from your femoral artery.” You explain to him roughly, tilting your head. His hair is thick, black and greasy. A sheen of sweat has come over his pale skin, eyes glazed over. 

“On average it takes two to five minutes to bleed to death from that artery. That’s if you don’t fall unconscious first. Let’s count, shall we? You spent…around thirty seconds swinging that gun around…another thirty listening to me talk…” You drawl. 

Stepping closer, you crouch next to his shivering body. He is trying to stop the bleeding, pressing shaking hands to the open wound. Blood has already begun to pool around him, ruby red and slick. You tut, pushing his hands away with the knife to watch the blood spurt out faster. 

“You have, what? A couple minutes left? Now tell me, before you slip away… When you see God, what will you tell him?” You ask, a feral expression still across your face as you watch his skin grow gray. 

“You fucking bitch!” Your target manages to choke out. You laugh, standing and swinging the knife around. 

“Oho, I don’t think he’ll like that.” You say. An almost animalistic growl leaves your throat as you raise your foot, kicking him squarely in the nose with your boot. He cries out, bone crunching. For a moment you stand there, watching the sniveling man. 

With a sniff, you run your hand roughly over your cheek, wiping some of the blood from your skin. Then, your gaze falls on the group of men left. They are watching you in silent horror. You can’t imagine what you look like, covered in blood and mud, armed with only a hunting knife. You assess them with a predator's gaze, menacing and bloodthirsty and the men cower back despite being armed with guns. 

“We don’t want any trouble.” One stutters out. 

For a moment, you forget the rest of your team are feet away. You consider letting the wrath consume you. You could tear these men apart with your hands, teeth and nails. You imagine plucking out their eyes, teaching them what happens to men who see your face. 

“Shadow.” Yelena calls you. Your eyes snap to hers. 

Pulled from your trance, you run a tongue over your split lip. The act is near animalistic, a cat tending its wounds. Then, with a shrug sent in Sam’s direction you stalk over to Yelena. Sam, to his credit, quickly composes himself and instructs the group of men to drop their weapons and line up. 

“Are you alright?” Yelena asks as you pause in front of her. You don’t feel like answering that question right now. 

If it weren’t for the cold wrath that had taken over your body, you would imagine you would be shaking. Men like that made your skin crawl, made you revert back to how you had felt in the Red Room. It made you sick to your stomach, knowing that despite everything men like that still existed. You would kill one man and another would grow in his place. You had been lucky to escape. That no matter what, there would always be more places like the Red Room. Even if they weren’t to breed killers and spies, they would still use the bodies of women. Powerful men would use their authority to control innocent girls for the rest of time. Those girls couldn't all be saved. They wouldn’t be saved. 

“I need to retrieve my gun.” You reply thickly, nodding your head in the direction of the treeline. Your knives and other gear would have also been abandoned nearby, that’s if the men hadn’t pocketed it for themselves. 

“Go ahead.” Yelena says, thankfully not pressing you on your emotional state. She seems to sense your unease and your unwillingness to hang around. You pass by her and a gaping Kate. You needed to clear your head before you faced the rest of them. With the mask, you could hide your emotions. Now, without it, you felt exposed. You wouldn’t let them see you crack. They would have been trained to sense the slightest change in your facial expressions, to be able to interpret exactly how you were feeling. 

“Shadow?” Yelena calls, you glance over your shoulder reluctantly. 

“Yeah?” 

“Nice to finally see you. The real you.” She says, a subtle grin tugging at her lips. 

All you can do is hum in response. Though, as you trudge towards the tree line, a small smile forms over your bloodied face. 

PART TWO

[1ris5starlight]

{LOADING . . .}

{10%...}

{30%...}

{50%...}

{80%...}

{100%...!!!}

{Hiiii folks!!!! Welcome to my channel, I hope that you will enjoy my post and stories!!

(And what I'm cooking😈).

But anyways, here some things about me:}

• My name is IrisStarLight; you can call me Iris, Star, Light or whatever nicknames you want (except insults).

• I'm a Demi-girl and (probably) Aroece.

• My pronouns are she/her, they/them (but I prefer she/her sometimes).

• I'm probably autistic.

• I'm a mess of creative mind and laziness.

• I'm obsessed with A LOT of shows and when I say the I'm obsessed, I MEAN IT.

• (like I said) English isn't my first language, so I might do grammar error...pls don't judge me, I'm trying my best and I'm still learning it.

• I'm a depressed and anxious person that probably needs therapy-.

• I'm mentally unstable👍.

• Mini stories will be written on Tumbler, AUs on my AO3 account(I will put my link when I start writing).

• I DO NOT ACCEPT INSULTS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, SO PLS BE NICE AND SO I WILL TOO.

• PLS DO NOT STEAL MY IDEAS.

{But enough of me, now I will talk about all the ideas and stories I have (Most of them are still in process and I haven't even started writing them down).}

☆ AUs:

• SaMS/EaLS

- The Corrupted Star (aka Sun gets corrupted by Dark Star-power; he can see Witer Shards = 1⁰ sign)

- Kidnapped (aka someone, sent by the Creator, kidnaps Sun for the Creator's plan).

- My SaMS/EaLS AU (aka my version of SaMS/EaLS) (INFO)

- MALAVITA (aka my mafia version of SaMS/EaLS).

- Jumanji AU (aka Sun, Moon, Eclipse and Solar are trapped in the Jumanji dimension and the others try to get them out, but with a lot of complications).

- Experiment AU (aka Sun, Moon & Earth get kidnapped by Creator, because he needs to "finish what he started").

• TMF:

- Two notes of the same song (an SaMS × Tmf) (Timeline: after ep. 9) (aka Jake finds an old friend that will helps him with the current situation).

• Solarballs:

- Trapped on Earth (aka all the planets, minus Earth, and some Moons in their human forms are trapped on Earth's surface).

- My Solarballs AU (aka my version of Solarballs).

• Ninjago:

- A growing flame (aka Kai gets kidnapped by Imperium).

- Switched places (what if Kai and Nya switched places in season 15?)

• MHA

- My friend from the jungle (aka some Mha characters get teletrasported in another world by someone, that Izuku knows very well).

- Sams meet Mha (aka Sun and Moon meet the MHA characters).

• Voltron

- Found you (During a mission, Lance meet someone from his past that he misses a lot, but that someone really changed from the last he saw them).

☆ Stories:

• Mini stories(Old channel)

- A child always protect his parent (1,2,??)

- Sun is bi (1/1)

- The trauma has been summoned (1/1)

- Sun expose himself two times in one (1/1)

(I want to clarify, this was my OLD self that liked the kidscove ship. Now I DON'T like it anymore: currently, I support the Puppet x Foxy ship!)

• Mini stories(New channel)

- Lunar has a new trauma (1/1)

- An odd-bad dream (1/1)

- The siblings reunion (1/1)

- Repercussions of magic (1/1)

- They're besties! (1/1)

- "I love you dad!" (1/1)

- "NOT MY MAMA!" (1/1)

- Moon learns how to cook(kinda-) (1/1)

- "Not a good boy" (1/1)

- "GET OUT OF MY BROTHER!!" (1/1)

- Grilled cheese (1/1)

- "We did it..." (1/1)

- "New friend!" (1/1)

- After Show (1,2,3,4,5,6,??)

- Moon's ADHD has returned (1/1)

- Moon, you naughty boy! (1/1)

- Sun needs a better twin(joke) (1/1)

- Sun: the autistic bot (1/1)

- Dazzle is the King Lion now! (1/1)

- Moon's fear: mannequins. (1/1)

- Moon: the kamikaze (1/1)

- A VERY BAD live reaction. (1/1)

- One sided love (maybe) (1/1)

☆ Fandoms:

- Mr. Trans (1,??)

• Actively watching:

- Sams, Sun and Moon show, Laes, Lunar and Earth show, Eaps, Eclipse and Puppet show, Fnaf, Fnaf SB, Security Breach.

- Solarballs, Lmk, AvA/AvM.

• Still watching:

- Rottmnt, Tmf, Ninjago.

• Rarely watching:

- Voltron, Mha, Naruto, Demon Slayer, Wmmap, Murder drones, Bsd, Toh, Tokyo Revenger.

{So, that's everything for now.

Bye Bye Folks!}

{LOADING . . .}

{CLOSE PANNEL?}

{NO or YES}

{ • • • }

{PROCEEDING CLOSING PLANNEL...}

{AT NEXT TIME, BYE!}

{ / / / }

[findroleplay]

here’s to giving this a shot!

hi! my name is andy, 20f, looking for someone to do some mxm love plots with me! i’m looking for someone 18+, but also the age requirement isn’t because i’m expecting a lot of smut- im just uncomfortable speaking to minors. in fact, i think plot/relationship development are some of the most important parts for rp, so if you’re interested in anything along these lines like this ask nd i’ll shoot u a msg! <3

literacy: semi-lit/lit

fandoms and pairs. bold is characters i would like you to play, the italicized are characters i would like to play, and if both characters are written normally then i don’t mind playing either role! if you have a specific ship in mind from any fandom, don’t hesitate to ask! i’m most likely leaving a lot of things out in this stuff. also ships with characters 15 and under will be strictly fluff, and 18 and under will only be implied smut:

MHA/BNHA

kirishima x bakugo

todoroki x midoriya

bakugo x midoriya

shinso x midoriya

probably most other ships/ characters, just lmk what ure interested in!

supernatural

castiel x dean

sam x gabriel

i do not do wincest

hetalia (don’t judge me for this one pls)

america x england

france x england

spain x england

i can do a lot of hetalia characters, it’s just england is my absolute favorite character. once again, don’t hesitate to ask if you’re interested in me playing another character/us doing other ships!

camp camp (once again, im begging, please do not judge)

neil x max

max x nikki

nerris x nikki

as i stated earlier, these will be purely fluff. i refuse to do smut for these ships and will not do any adult/underage pairings. thank u for understanding

king’s maker

wolfgang x shin

if someone wants to rp king’s maker w me i will love u forever

voltron

keith x lance

hunk x lance

not much to say here

HXH

killua x gon

leorio x kurapika

i will not do smut for killua x gon!!!!

ocxoc

triggers: scat, adult/minor relationships, bestiality, being unironically cringe

genres n plot ideas: hurt/comfort, medieval, forbidden love, coup d’état, “i hate everyone but you”, us against the world, and many more!

other : i’m cool with any platform you’re comfortable with! i have most social media platforms, but i’m also cool with downloading something new! just lmk your preference!

_

[tahdashi]

ship your moots and assign them a trope?

omg YAY i love these sm :,) gonna do a couple bc brain is slow atm BUT IF YOU'RE A MOOT AND WANT ONE, PLS LMK !!!

i'm gonna give them v niche and specific tropes bc that's what they deserve <3

I. @lotusskiiess and marius!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ art student!marius x barista!opalie & college au.

opal loves the tranquility of working at the tiny café off campus. not many students go there since they prefer the proximity of the cafes by libraries. and marius, an art student who finds himself frequenting that cafe, likes it for the same reason. because when it's quiet and peaceful, he can hear the sound of her voice when taking orders. he admires her attention to detail when she's decorating drinks. he won't admit it, but his sketchbook has several pages of her. and one day, he'll find the courage to ask her to teach him how to do latté art. but in the mean time, he orders drink after drink to hear opal call his name from the counter.

II. @luvbub and keiji!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ apartment neighbor!keiji x bub & the neighbors to lovers trope.

on the way back to her apartment, bub notices the door next to her's wide open. odd... no one lives in that apartment. she takes a quick peek only to see a cat walking out of the apartment followed by a tall man with dark hair. he picks the cat up swiftly, apologizing to bub for getting in her way. they introduce themselves, and he invites her in for a drink. he tells her about how he started a new job here and was just settling in, and bold of him, he asks if she'd wanna show him around. and soon enough, akaashi's cat takes a liking to bub's clothing, and he often finds the cat rubbing herself against bub's cozy cardigans. her visits to his apartment have made him realize that he likes the comfort she brings with her.

III. @miya-dynasty and kita!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ teacher!kita x barista!nhi & coffeeshop au.

nhi always wondered what the man that came in every morning with silly ties did for a living. was he working in an office that had a not-so-serious dress code? or maybe he just had an eclectic style. and every morning, the man ordered a black coffee. nhi started to enjoy his presence — the way he'd always add 2 sugars, take a sip, and smile to himself. one morning, he ordered a slice of cake, asking nhi for a recommendation. "it's for one of my students. he's turning 7 today, and he said his parents don't celebrate his birthday," he rambles. nhi sees the way his eyes light up as he talks about his students, and the next morning, kita buys a slice of cake to share with her.

IV. @kodzukoi and marius!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ prince!marius x tailor!koi & royal au.

koi was assigned to be the prince's tailor — the one who does all his fittings and designs all his clothes. it was a demanding job, really, because the prince was quite specific with what he wanted to wear and how he wanted people to perceive him. marius liked when koi would knock gently on his door, her sweet voice making its way through the oak doors. he liked when she'd present her designs to him with a proud smile, and truthfully, he'd wear anything she made — the clothes were lucky to be touched so carefully by her hands, marius thinks. he hopes she won't mind when he asks her to take his measurements again, wanting to feel the way her hands dance across his shoulders.

V. @bbiemilk and luke!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ labmate!luke x coco & the forced proximity trope.

luke and coco have had run-ins with each other, whether he was taking a break from pipetting to get another much-needed coffee or whether she was attempting to look for an empty room to practice her presentation. they shared kind smiles, and luke was often captivated by her eyes (they reminded him of his favorite drink — caramel mochas). one night, they were both staying late to finish up their projects. and unfortunately, they were snowed in. there was absolutely no way they could make it to the bus stop in this weather. so, they kept each other company. luke made coco a hot drink and watched how the reflection of falling snow twinkled in her espresso colored eyes.

[eddie-kaspbrat]

does anybody wanna do a titanic mileven au w me 👉🏻👈🏻

here’s the prompt i wrote out but im open to plotting and changing it!

Titanic AU - April 10, 1912; Jane Hopper was royalty. At least that’s what her fiancé, Troy Walsh, had told her when he’d presented her with what was probably the most beautiful necklace Jane had ever seen. A blue diamond once worn by Louis XVI, now known as The Heart of the Ocean, lay around her neck, with a much smaller, still very expensive diamond on the ring around her finger. The gifts were stunning and her life was luxurious, and Jane couldn’t hate it more. The jewels signified shackles in Jane’s mind, chaining her to this boring and bigoted upper class lifestyle, and to her cruel fiancé that she’s only engaged to as a familial financial gain. She gets no say in her interests, her future, her life. Mike Wheeler is a third class orphan who won his ticket onto the Titanic through a very lucky game of poker, hardly a dime to his name that wasn’t even on the passenger list. They’re two people who are systemically destined to never cross paths, but on the first night of the Titanic’s maiden voyage, fate brought them together at the stern of the ship. Jane had been trying to escape her suffocating life and never-pleased Papa, planning on throwing herself into the waves and vanishing completely, when Mike found her and pulled her to safety once more. He’d been invited to dinner as a halfassed form of thanks from her fiancé, and Jane had spent the better part of the afternoon walking with him on the deck, thanking him personally. They’d gotten to know each other a bit better, talking about Mike’s art and Jane’s dreams, both becoming quickly enamored with one another before Jane was whisked away to prepare for dinner. She dresses beautifully, as always, but tonight, she puts on just a little more than just her dinner best. Shinier jewelry, slightly bolder makeup, an eye-catching gown with a neckline that pushes the boundaries on modest. She allows her fiancé and her father to walk before her, discussing their business merger coming with the marriage, falling far enough behind to lose them as they turned the corner towards the grand staircase leading into the dining rooms. After a few moments, she turned the corner too, where she was greeted with the sight of Mike Wheeler, her knight in tattered armor, as attractive as ever. He was waiting at the bottom of the staircase mimicking the movements of the gentlemen around him, seemingly practicing how to act around first class people, and wasn’t that just the cutest thing in the world? Jane wondered where he’d found the expensive looking suit he wore, but she made no complaints, as he looked /very/ good wearing it. Then again, he looked good in his shabby rags and worn shoes. He’d look good in anything, Jane thinks. She catches his eye as she approaches, a small smile on her face. “Pull this out of your rucksack, did you?” She teases. “Had it lying around?” ((Please don’t worry about matching the length! My starters are always longer than my actual replies. 18+ please! Obviously doesn’t have to be movie accurate, though I’d love to include references! No triggers on my end, pls lmk any of yours I should avoid!))

Interact with this post or message me if you’re interested!

[ginalinettiofficial]

💕tagging info💕

hi!!! basic info in my bio but yea i’m daina i’m 27 and i’ve been on this webbed sight for over a decade now right here on this very blog so we’ve got YEARS of content in this bad boy. who knows what’s on here?? certainly not me!!

that said, lately i’ve been trying to make more of an effort to tag stuff so that ppl who follow me for one specific fandom or another can block the fandoms they don’t follow!! i’m currently posting mainly stranger things and dc stuff, but u may happen upon me in the midst of a renewed hyperfixation for any of the following:

stranger things: #st

dc/batman: #dc

dungeons and daddies: #dndads

avatar: #atla

twilight: #twilight

disneys decendants: #descendants

check please: #omgcp

marvel: #marvel

taylor swift: #ts

harry styles: #hs

teen wolf: #tw

star wars: #sw

brooklyn nine-nine: #b99

community: #community

most other stuff i usually just tag w the full name of the thing (like #friends for friends, #new girl for new girl, etc) but yea for most things that i post about regularly i try to use one of the itty bitty short tags because they’re easier to type and therefore easier for me to consistently tag since i’m on mobile 95% of the time

other general tags:

personal or original posts: #d speaks

asks: #asks

polls that i make: #d polls

stuff that makes me feel good about humanity or inspired by people or shit like that: #human stuff

fics or articles i want to circle back to: #to read

art/things that inspire me to draw etc: #art ref

writing tips/insp: #writing ref

fashion/pretty clothes: #fashion ref

general stuff to reference: #reference

things i want to buy: #want

zodiac stuff: #aries

any not safe for work stuff i’ll tag w a general #nsfw but i have minors following me so i generally try to not reblog anything that’s nsfw/too explicit!! & during ramadan i try to tag any food as #nsfr & i’m more than happy to add any other haram content to that list too, just lmk!!

if u need any triggers tagged or there’s content i’m posting that you’d rather blacklist (a fandom, a ship, a character, whatever!) and i don’t have a tag for it pls lmk!! it’s fully nbd to me and i’ll happily tag anything for ya.

💕happy blogging friends :-)💕

[sleepymrshmllow]

Name your 5 favorite Stranger Things fics you've read in 2022 and the top 5 fics you are looking forward to reading next year (or very soon)

{<3}

ooh fun question!! admittedly I haven't read all that many, but I've bookmarked a lot I haven't gotten to yet so I definitely have a lot of fics to look forward to in the new year! also all ship fics oops

top 5 fave fics I've read (no particular order):

1) baby, we're perfect by bookinit

ooohhh my gosh I could say so much about this one!! it's like my favorite byler fic atm it's so so so good. sad, but good and I highly recommend it! the way it's paced is perfect and has a bittersweet ending, very affective twist, and ugh it's just amazing (I'm not even a big angst person but I think its done so perfectly (ha) here that I didn't mind how much it crushed my heart)

2) Gitchi-Gitchi Ya-Ya Da-Da by raedafan

okay I know the title seems silly but this fic is actually so cute and I'm a sucker for the "byler gets murray'd" premise lol also I feel like this one is a bit of a "classic" I see it recommended it a lot

3) im tearing you asunder by smoosnoom

admittedly it's been a bit since I read this one so not much to say but I remember really liking it! plus like all of smoosnoom's work is great imo

4) love my way (a new road) by oneirois

something not byler this time, but steddie!! I read this months ago but I love it a lot and I think its a cute little slow burn ♡ (warning this one is Explicit in the last chapter!)

5) honey-mouthed by smoosnoom

this one is so incredibly sweet and mike's pov is SO fun to read, the author does an amazing job characterizing him (def recommend if you wanna read mike gay panic for like 10k words lmao)

like I said I haven't read many ST fics yet but im hoping to in the new year! speaking of..

5 fics I'm looking forward to reading!:

1) force of gravity by oceanfruit

I KNOW I still haven't read this but seeing all the buzz makes me super curious so it's been in my bookmarks forever oops but I will get to it !! curious to see if it lives up to the hype and I think AUs are super fun so definitely curious to see how this one plays out

2) who am i (to ask for more) by bookinit

the premise interests me and I love this person's work so I'm excited to finally get to this one

3) Are You Flagging? by soidade

another popular fic, but steddie this time and I've heard a lot of good things about this one! also another fic that's been bookmarked since forever

4) mike wheeler's guide to falling in love with a superhero by smoosnoom

spiderman au!!!!! I'm so excited about this one and I can't wait to read it omg omg

5) with honor, we hound by hiscleric

a byler fantasy au!!! this one is very new as well so I'm looking forward to reading along as it updates ♡ (also if anyone has other fantasy/DnD au fics to recommend pls lmk I'd love to read them!)

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Ok merging responses again but tiktok is fr diabolical for that…on that note i went to go check my settings too and mine were already off (I think past me had good foresight jk I think I actually just turned it off out of habit without reading in depth) I wonder if u get the notifications when the person u send it to doesn’t have theirs toggled off? On that topic I was fr just wondering if it goes both ways in the sense of like if it would prevent tiktok from suggesting your account to me since I have mine off as opposed to just not exposing my acc but anyways!! Was just gonna say hopefully you didn’t find out from getting a notif from some very random person or something shsgshsh seems like you’re safe tho!!! On that note if you ever see anything funky happening in your TikTok notifs lmk….ill look out in case it ever starts suggesting yours but now that the switch is on I’d assume nothing would happen (at least it better not tiktok pls)

LMAOOOO dw I have faith in our man he would never actually homewreck the premise is just so hilarious to me but PAUSEE stop I love miraverse tabiori and now we have aiko (?????) what do you even call them their names are too short i also don’t wanna make this look like they’re getting shipped LMFAOOO

HAHAHA classic reo activities…just grabbing out old reliable (checkbook) I almost forgot that readers parent wanted her to marry him maybe it’s fr time to reread

LMAOO yup you’re alter ego is safe o7 but yeah I guess you’ll know our convo is getting stalked/read if you ever get a notif for any of the ones from our convo LOL although again I’m assuming the toggle button actually does its job so that shouldn’t be the case anymore

PLEASE DONATE SHINAH EDITS HERE!!! I will gladly take them omg that hakyona edit is probably the first yotd tiktok I’ve ever seen

So real honestly sometimes we all need a day to just do nothing LOL I’m sure whatever’s next will be fire as per usual

BAROU CLEANING SERVICE pause imagine they actually make that Barou maid cafe and unironically put all the muscliest/aggressive characters in to follow their gimmick (like when Barou squeezes ketchup on their heads) imagine this is all another side gig competition so whoever rakes in the most money gets like a day off or like bonus field time and then they all start doing even more insane shit to get more money and views but I’m crying Rin posting a drama video like “the dark truth about itoshi sae” and then the first thing he says is “he’s a shitty brother”

At first I thought they just left zantetsu auraless and I was like damn ok…chigiri pop off with the leopard/cheetah ig then I reread it and looked and finally saw the fuckass train just thinking about it makes me crack up

OH YEAH the foreshadowing about chigiri has me sweating like ummm hahahaha wdym???????? Wdym break??? Stfu??? Yeah dw I also dgaf abt himizu give the spotlight to your teammates please!!!

- Karasu anon

ooh yeah maybe it has to be a mutual thing?? but that’s actually kind of a relief because it means i would’ve gotten a notification every time someone viewed the videos i sent…at least we can hope so 😭 but yesss the switch is on now so i think we are in the clear!!

NO BECAUSE I HAVE IT SO CLEAR IN MY HEAD like at one point reader and karasu are going to be watching a movie together and she’s like on the couch w him and she’s sleepy so he’s letting her use him as a pillow and she’s like “i wish my boyfriend was like you” and karasu’s like “right then enough is enough” and drives over to aiku’s ASAP LMAOAAOAO i’m crying truly every single oaeu story is HILARIOUS (except sae’s bruh i’m still trying to cook w that one) like i also have this clear vision of aiku being like “yo reo you’re so lucky to be marrying y/n” and reo’s like “oh i don’t rlly love her or anything but ya she’s cool ig” and aiku’s like “oh fr??? 👀 she’s hot asf can i get her number…since you’re cheating on her she should be allowed to do the same #women’srightsandwrongs” so obviously reo is like “erm and who am i cheating on her with??” and aiku is just like “nagi 👍” HAHAHA omg i just need to figure out how to add that oaeu flair to the sae version and then it’s full steam ahead because literally every other version is cooked and ready but the miraverse followers chose sae to be posted first and since i lowkey might push requests even further back to work on oaeu i should at least oblige them w that 😭

reo fr is like money never fails 🥱 except it does and reader only becomes friends with him at a party he hosts when she realizes he’s sitting alone in his room because nobody like him for who he actually is…she’s like oh damn wait maybe you’re not that bad…i GUESS we can be friends 😒🙄 and the rest is history and she becomes the most hated girl in the school since everyone assumes her and reo are a fr thing even though they aren’t

HAHA irl mira remains an enigma for now 🙂‍↕️🤫 hopefully the button does its thing and tik tok ceases to try and expose me JFJDKDJS anyways i’ll spam shinah edits below and we’ll see if anything crazy happens 😶‍🌫️

edit 1 edit 2 edit 3 edit 4 edit 5 edit 6 edit 7 edit 8 edit 9 random inumaki edit i happened to see while scrolling through my favorited posts

okay most of those are shinah a couple are hakyona and one is obviously an inumaki one that you’ve probably already seen considering how many views it has but it was too good not to include!! also fair warning most of the shinah edits use the same three scenes there’s truly not enough content of him out there 😭

LMAOOO POST WC KUNIGAMI + BAROU + RAICHI JUST WORKING AS MAIDS AT THE CAFE meanwhile nagi and isagi are like the managers of the place omg it would be a train wreck but sooo funny 😩 and lmao LITERALLY rin makes hiori filming him doing an exposé abt sae and sae is just brutally cancelled and hounded on twitter before everyone stops caring 😭 or alternatively on-field isagi will rub off on rin and rin will say smth digital-footprint-damaging and everyone’s like…hold on itoshi?? like sae itoshi?? and sae just gets cancelled by proxy 😰

THE TRAIN IS ACTUALLY SO FUNNY especially given his teammates…like we’ve got barou’s lion aura…chigiri’s panther aura…nagi’s GOD OF DEATH aura…and zantetsu is. uh. he’s a train. HAHAHAH anyways i’m not too stressed abt chigiri in the present match since we know he continues forward in bllk after it but i’m worried it’s foreshadowing smth happening to him soon in the main series 😓 i’m wondering if he’s going to go out in a blaze of glory during a world cup match where he scores the winning goal but loses his leg in the process 😢 pls i’ll cry but realistically it’s going to happen because no way they would throw that in there and NOT use the plot point but also chigiri has been so so successful in the series that it’s definitely setting him up to hit a massive peak and then lose it all immediately

[hydra-collector]

redraw of this

this is based on a group of monsters in a game, where virgil is the defender, janus is the healer, and remus is the tormentor

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

jsyk most ships in the lmk fandom have foods in them!! that's why ppl call it smokedbacon (plus squidinknoodles rlly is a mouthful hahsdjjf) but I do understand ur discomfort with it! you could just try and say on there that u don't like the name if you want /nf

Anon, buddy, pls, I know they're food, I've been in this fandom forever my dude i literally was there when the og main ship names were picked HGHBFGSDKJFMOE i appreciate you trying to explain to me tho, that's very sweet. the ship names being based off of food is why we chose the name "squidinknoodle" in the first place cause that's an actual noodle dish hgHGKSMOFWEF /lh <3 we thought it'd be cool cause macaque's smoke magic looks a lot like squid ink and then the obvious pigsy's noodles. The ship names of this fandom are kind of a mess tho TBH HGJKASOFME (mainly the fact that both pigsy and Mk are referred to as "noodles" in their ship names, and not all of them are based off of food, like chimerashipping so it is all pretty confusing)

Back when the ship name was first chosen around when chapter 2 of that "that big ol fic" everyone knows about was posted and gaining some traction, I introduced it as squidinknoodles to this big public server where all the ship names were originally discussed and chosen (which I had a lot of fun with when we were first picking all of the ship names) I gave the name which my and my mutuals had a lot of fun brainstorming and picking, and they all promptly ignored me and then started suggesting ones with pork or bacon in it, even after I, and several others actually, mentioned being mildly uncomfortable with it

so uh... yeah I don't really feel comfortable around anyone who uses it because of that. and that's on top of the discomfort with the name in general. I was ignored when I expressed my dislike of it despite being the one writing the fic everyone was oh so in love with, so, not the best experience to begin with (yet another reason i left the big public server hKGAMOWE)

the thing about it being a mouthful is valid but also it kinda confuses me cause squidinknoodle and spicynoodle are the exact same amount of syllables and no one accuses that ship of being a mouthful so I'm just... very bewildered by that??? ur valid tho, when a sentence is unfamiliar it can seem like a lot ghkmowe <3

Anyway, sorry for the long dump there, anon, you are lovely and I appreciate you coming over and being so kind about my squick ghksdfomwe <33

[enbyprentiss]

I’m not crazy...

Genre: Angst/Dark Fic

Pairing: None

Warnings: drug addiction/abuse, hallucinations, graphic description of drug use, PTSS, depression, self hatred, implied suicidal thoughts, just lots of heavy topics in general. if i missed anything pls lmk!

DISCLAIMER: in this fic i describe Spencer’s hallucination to be female presenting and interactive with him. i do not ‘ship’ them in any way shape or form. she’s not even given a name. in no way am i trying to romanticize addiction or any mental health topic. if this story comes across that way, please please lmk and i will take it down.

Tobias. Charles. Raphael. Those three names were all it took to flip my whole world--and mind, upside down. I knew I shouldn’t have split off from JJ. But I did it anyway. I was reckless. Which means I have no one else to blame except for myself. After being kidnapped, tortured, drugged, dying and coming back again, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t know how to survive without it. I never thought I would end up here. An addict--I can’t even think it, much less say it out loud. See, each time an...addict needs a fix, they need more of the drug to get off, it would be almost impossible for them--for me to quit without help. But I can’t ask for help. I can’t tell everyone how pathetic I am. I just...can’t stop. And she is no help.

The first time I ever saw her was laying on my bathroom floor. I miscalculated how much I needed to take. So, my limbs felt too heavy to get back up. Slowly, I was able to pick my head up just enough to see her. There was a woman, pale with dark flowing hair sitting on my bathroom counter and a soft smile on her face. 

“You look lonely, honey. I can fix that.”

“No! No, you can’t! Nothing’s wrong with me! And--and even if there were...no one can fix me. No one can make it go away.”

“That may be so, but you won’t even give me a shot?”

“A-aren’t you--I don’t know...supposed to be helping me?”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m not who you think I am.”

“Then what are you?”

“I think we should save this for another time.”, and just like that, she was gone. But not forever. The next time we had a case, she came back. Standing in front of me as I sat on the hotel bed.

“God, Spencer. Look at you. Going around snapping at everyone like it’s their fault you’re too weak to survive without me.”, I hadn’t even realized that I truly was doing those things until she said it, “How pathetic. You can’t even go a day without getting high. Even at work. I thought your job was important? Don’t you  want someone to ever take you seriously again?”

“My job is important! That’s why I need it--need you, to help me forget. To focus on all the people I’m supposed to be saving.”

“You’re never going to be able to pull yourself back together, are you? You want to stay fractured, to stay broken like this?”

“No! No. I want to be better again. I don’t know how to do it alone. But I want it to get better on my own. I can’t let anyone else know. About me using, about you, nothing. They’ll think I’m crazy. And I’ll lose everything I have.”

“What else could you possibly lose?”

“My job, my friends--everything!”

“Don’t you think your friends love you? They saved you, right?”

“No one can love me like this. No one can save me.”

“I think I can.”

“No, you can’t. If anything, you’re just encouraging me.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“That every time I think about using, I hear you--”

“You hear that I tell you no?”

“No...instead all I ever hear is you telling me yes. That you’re the only thing that can help. That I’m pathetic enough to rely on you.”

“So, you purposely ignore me when I tell you no?”

“All you ever do is tell me I need it! What am I supposed to do?! You’re so two-faced! You can’t ever make up your mind about what I deserve--what I need! You don’t even try to help me! What’s the point of you to keep coming back to make things worse?!”

“It’s not my fault that you have no control. It’s yours. And you know it. If you want me to go, just say it.”

“I know you won’t. You’ll never let me be.”

“I will now.”

“Please don’t.

“It’s just like I said. You have no control, of me, of yourself, of anything.”

--

She goes with me everywhere I go. But she never talks to me when I’m at work anymore. She really only ever comes around when I have a tourniquet around my arm. Or when I stick the needle in any vein I can find. 

But tonight, she laid next to me on my bed. And I know she’s not real, I know only I can see or hear her but that doesn’t change that I can almost feel how she wipes the tears from my face. Or how she runs her fingers through my hair. Or places her hand on my cheek.

“What’s the matter, Spencer?”

“I can’t stop all the things I think about myself! I know I’m pathetic. I can’t ask for--I don’t even want help anymore. It’s not worth it.”

“None of this is your fault, sweetheart.”

“You can’t keep doing this!”

“Doing what?”

“Feeding me lies. Telling me things that only confuse me more.”

“I’m only trying to help.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Spencer, listen to me. You can’t help what he did to you. You’re only trying to survive.”

“No. I did this to myself.”

“But you’ll never be alone. I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

“This isn’t fair.”, I sobbed in front of her. She pulled me closer to her, stroking though my hair while I repeated that she was just in my head over and over, like it was my job to create this mantra. To convince myself that I could get rid of her. But the worst part is, I want her. I never want her to leave. Because then I’m all alone again.

--

After nearly over dosing and what Gideon had said to me, I decided it was finally time. I clutched the steering wheel while she sat in my passenger seat. 

“Why are you doing this Spencer? Why don’t you want me?”, I knew exactly what she was doing. Trying to guilt trip me. Trying to make me pity her. And for a second I considered it. But it was too late to turn back now as I pulled into the parking lot of where an NA meeting was being held. 

“I’m sorry. But I can’t keep you forever.”

“Yes! Yes, you can. You don’t have to do this.”

“You’re right I don’t. But I need to.”

As I stood in front of the podium, introducing myself and finally admitting my problem I could hear her. I could hear her screaming in the back of my head that she’ll always be in my thoughts, that I’ll never be able to get rid of her. But I knew I could. All it would take was some help, some support. And I was right. I’ve never seen or heard her again.