#if someone wants to destroy my arguments im listening

[fruitsofhell]

(RTDL DX LORE STUFF RAMBLING)

This is a genuine question to anyone reading, does the lore given in RTDL DX not feel a bit shoddier than the series' writing is?

Atleast in comparison to KSA and KatFL. I know people have gripes with the 3ds games but they didn't pull stuff as confusing as sending a canonically sending a character to a spinoff universe or erasing a point of origin.The more I think about the new Magolor stuff the just more confusing it is to me in a way I definiteky did not feel with KatFL. Like Elfilis's origins before being captured were vague, but you get the idea it was a force of nature - an "invasive species" - and then when you meet Forgo it has clear motivation if being upset for being trapped for so long.

The Jamba are from ancient times and have a blood feud, Haltmann was an inventor who was consumed busy his company, Sectonia was a monarch from the sky consumed by greed because of a corrupt mirror; and originally I would say Magolor was a Halcandran who wanted to rule over the ruins of his wasteland home, but now he isn't. And I'll be fair, that was totally speculative, but atleast because it was left open it was valid speculation. The thing now is we know he isn't from Halcandra. Alright, where is he from then? DONT KNOW! What brought him to Halcandra and the Lor? He's a traveller and was enticed by all the machinery there because he's an engineering nerd, he wants to build a theme park. AWESOME. And he read a book about stuff so now he's interested in Halcandran history, cool. Why does he want the Master Crown then?

I was personally staked in him being from Halcandra cause I could gleam motivation from that, from the removal of that background and the new info given, his motivations for wanting the Master Crown don't make sense anymore. He is a cunt, yes, but not really in such a universe conquering megalomaniac way? Even Marx just wanted to mess around with Popstar and have power, Magolor wanted a crown, a source of limitless power, world-ending and for what? What does that have to do with engineering marvels and theme parks? These are silly kiddie platformers and "because he's evil" is a valid motivation, but not usually for Kirby these days?

There's usually this underlying layer of tragedy or past slighting that motivates characters in Kumazaki's games, even ones who came off as comically evil like the Jamba. And I'm just confused, cause Magolor was one of the first characters he and the team wrote so I would think a remake would be an opportunity to better flesh out him out, but a lot of it feels like details sloppily added to flesh stuff out meaninglessly. And with how much Kumazaki emphasizes keeping stuff open for interpretation, it really would have been wiser to leave some of those details behind.

Oh lord and then I haven't even gotten into Merry Magoland and Kirby Clash. The Magolor theme park thing had been established for over a decade, a year after the original game it was set up as Magolor's "redemption". And admittedly both that and his appearance in Clash were established in spin-offs, but the first one was established forced s d most cleanly. Magolor Epilogue could have just been him returning to Popstar but instead we throw him in an AU and leave the pre-established conclusion as dubiously canon? And there is totally more character arc to be gleamed out of him being in the Clash universe, but we also could have gone through that with the Epilogue...

And then on top of that, I had higher expectations for the world building in Magolor Epilogue. Forgotten Land weaved together its plot and characters with the history of the world very well, and I was hoping Magolor and HALCANDRA could get similar treatment too. It is a tiny little mode, but we all noticed how much text space for the bosses were taken up by repeating that line about how they're collecting apples for their boss, right? It was a big missed opportunity. And (very personal nitpick here) if you were going to remove a character's connection to Halcandra, it would be nice if that void of connections was filled with actual lore.

I'm still working on my organized theory for all this new stuff, and I totally admit I'm biased and some of this disappointment is coming from personal headcanon, but I cannot shake the feeling that there was something off about the writing in this remake.

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

not to be a smug asshole but its kind of rich how if you say you dont like a thing on the internet everyone who likes that thing automatically assumes you just “don’t get it” and tries to explain to you why the thing is Good, Actually. like maybe i already understand why people like the thing. maybe i have reasons to not like the thing that YOU are refusing to entertain. maybe i used to like the thing because of the specific reasons that you’re writing essays to me about. but then i realized that the thing sucks shit and the reasons why people like it isn’t enough to make it good for me again. maybe my dislike of the thing isn’t because im a stupid idiot who couldn’t put two thoughts together to realize why the thing is good. and maybe i feel belittled and dare i say offended when 12 people condescendingly explain to me why it’s okay that i don’t like the thing, but also refuse to stop explaining the same 2 reasons why THEY like the thing, or even let me defend why i dislike the thing, until i agree with them that the thing is good. all because i dared to express mild disdain on the internet

[24kmar]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘 (A. Donaldson)

Part 2 of Thigh to Thigh

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: Art Donaldson x fem! Reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: 18+ MDNI, smut, angst, language, fluff, love confession, happy ending 🩷

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: The aftermath of the argument with tashi.

𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐈

𝑰 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒚 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒀𝒐𝒖, 𝒀𝒐𝒖

The argument you had with tashi has been replaying in your mind. The same question running in circles in your head. "Me or art?". And to add insult to injury, art heard all of it. Was he asking the same question? Him or tashi?

You had been avoiding both of them. Being succesful uptil now. While finishing an english essay you heard a knock at your door. It couldnt have been your roomate. She was at a lecture right now. Getting up and answering the door to your dorm, you were met with art.

Art-" you gasp being cut of as he pushed his way past you, into your dorm. "We need to talk" he breathes out, sitting on your bed. "About what?" You play dumb, crossing your arms nervously. "You know what" art looks at you.

Look y/n, im not asking you to pick me" he rushes the words out like hes been holding them in for ages. Chewing on your lip, you hug yourself. I just need you to know how much you mean to me," he sighs, tears brimming at his waterline. Which causes tears to brim in yours too. "even if we stay friends or dont." "you mean so so much to me." He cries, tears falling down his face. Standing up, he cups your face "I would destroy myself for you" "Art-" "Listen to me-" Art you should leave"

Silence. Pure fucking silence.

Nodding, he opens the door and speaks up before walking out "i love you". That makes you freeze completely, but not without tears rolling down your face.

Flinching as you hear the door shut, you just stand there. Standing there hugging yourself, while sobbing.

𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐈𝐈

𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏

Its been two days since you last spoke with art. Those two days have been miserable. Downright depressing. You missed him so much. Knowing you hurt such a good person made you hate yourself. Especially hurting someone cause they loved you. Why did you tell him to leave? You didnt want him to leave. You needed him to stay, now more than ever.

You've just been bedrotting, barely eating, missing classes, the whole nine yards. Today, you decided to go to class. Not wanting to mess up your grades. The whole day was draining, dreadful even. Everything reminded you of art. You decided to blow off some steam. Going to play some late night tennis. You were just lazily smacking around the tennis ball.

Thats when you heard footsteps. Turning around, you saw art. With a heavy heart and sweaty palms, you greeted him. "Hi" you said nervously. "Hi" he replied, hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. "Can we talk?" You asked "Sure" he nodded softly "my dorm or yours?"

His dorm was closer, you didnt want the walk to be long. Far too awkward. The walk was silent, but not awkward silent, calm silent. Like nothing had happend at all.

Now at his dorm. You both sat on his bed. "Im so sorry art" you spoke, tears rushing to your waterline, guilty look in your eyes. Tearing up, art spoke "y/n-"

"I never meant to hurt you-"

"Y/n-" "

"I just didnt kmow what to do-"

Pulling you in to a hug, cutting you off, he spoke "Its okay, y/n, really i understand. It was a tough situation" he sighed, rubbing your back. "You mean so much to me art" you huff out into his neck "i love you" you admit nervously, pulling away from him to look at his face. Searching for emotion. Thats when leaned in and kissed you.

𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐈𝐈𝐈

𝑰𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖

"I- i love you" art whimpers, cock drilling in and out of you "i love you- soso much."

"Hgh- i love you too. So much" you moan , pulling his hair, legs wraped around his waist as he thrusts into you. Soft yet powerful thrusts, full of love, and adoration.

Art trails a hand down your body to rub your clit. Making your back arch and eyes screw shut, letting out a high pitch moan. It was so much at once, the nips at your neck, the fast yet delicate circles around your clit, the thrusts, the love.

"I need you" he gasps "You have me" you reply, confused.

No, like i need you to-" he cuts himself off with a moan "i need you like you're oxygen" this makes your heart swell and eyes fill with tears. cupping his face, you rest your forhead against his "your mine and im yours, always" you kiss him. And like that you cum together in unison, looking into eachothers eyes, forhead to forhead.

𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐕𝐈

𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰'𝒅 𝒈𝒐 𝒂 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Chest to chest, face to face. You lay in silence, taking in the moment. When art breaks the silence.

" You know i meant every word, right?"

With the confused furrow of you brows he continues "id destroy myself for you" he pauses to interlock your fingers "im in love with you y/n" he admits.

"Im in love with you too art." You admit smiling "i pick you".

Now its his turn to be confused, "what?" He asks confused.

"If its between you or tashi, i pick you art"

With that, you both smile lovingly at eachother

He was family. He would kill for you.

[quillyfied]

GO2 spoilers, keep going to avoid bc this is spoiler town now. Got so hugely long I crashed my tumblr app. Yikes.

So I get why Neil best thought they would have been better released as individual episodes now, because the last 15 minutes really do overwhelm the rest of the season. Cliffhangers often do. Next time I watch, I think I want to savor it more. Because:

- PRE FALL CROWLEY CRANKING UP A NEBULA LIKE HIS CAR. AZIRAPHALE HAVING A GIANT CRUSH. PRE FALL AZIRAPHALE HAD FEELINGS FIRST BABES HOW ARE YOU DOING

- they continue to be The Most Married. They have a freaking “I was wrong” dance. The bitchiness of their bickering. The ways they just know each other.

- CROWLEY’S CHEEKY SCOTTISH ACCENT IN THE RESURRECTIONIST ADVENTURE. IM SO EXCITED IT EXISTS IN CANON.

- Baldad the Shuhite, best midwife slash cobbler in the land, lover of shoemaking and obstetrics XDDDD

- Crowley’s absolutely badass venomous “I long to destroy the blameless children of Job” thing…right before the goats give him away.

- Maggie!! So precious!! And Aziraphale! Brushing off a good deed as selfish openly!

- Nina! Deserves a better partner!!!! And to move on from whatever made her believe she deserved to have someone treat her like that!!

- MIRANDA RICHARDSON AS SHAX. WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED. WE ARE FILLED.

- so uh INEFFABLE BUREAUCRACY GIRLIES HOW WE FEELING???? Bc I’m feeling great, woke up with Buddy Holly in my head. I cannot believe the gift we were given and how pitch perfect it was for how the fans have written it for the past four years.

- Shelley Conn’s Beelzebub though!! What a stunning performance! What a costume change! What an absolute wealth of rotting teeth and great eyeliner! More flies indeed!!!

- the fly constantly buzzing around Jim was a huge clue but I hardly dared hope for it to be true tbh

- Aziraphale being morally grey all over this season, eh? And super touchy. Like. The dance scene was uncomfortable bc of the overwhelming of their free will to fit Aziraphale’s fantasy, which was another big piece of foreshadowing right there, but the amount of times Aziraphale touches Crowley this season. Unreal.

- “I thought you said it wasn’t lonely.” “I’m a demon. I lied.” KILL ME

- Aziraphale’s first reaction to food though. There’s that darling hedonist we love and enjoy.

- OF COURSE THATS HOW GABRIEL THINKS BIRTH WORKS OH MY HECK—

- hang on, did Crowley figure it out since the Flood, then? Good for him!

- NEIL. NEIL THERE ARE ZOMBIE NAZIS LOOSE IN THE WORLD NEIL. NEIL WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM NEIL. NEEEEEEIL.

- CROWLEY’S HANDS SHAKING DURING THE BULLET TRICK. THEM PULLING IT OFF WITHOUT MIRACLES. THE SLEIGHT OF HAND.

- AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY TOGETHER DOING ARCHANGEL LEVEL MIRACLES BC IT WORKS A LITTLE TOO WELL

- frankly, the whole miracle detection thing in heaven in the first place. Miracle detection truth girlies, how you feeling?

- Maggie being so brave against a bunch of demons and stumbling right into bravado and accidentally inviting them into the shop. Nina backing her up. The two of them holding off quite a lot of demons with just fire extinguishers and encyclopedias. And an active portal.

- THE HALO THING

- MURIEL BLESS THEIR SWEET COTTON SOCKS THEY DID SO MUCH AND DESERVE SO MUCH MORE CREDIT AND PRAISE FROM ALL CORNERS

- do you think Crowley drunkenly revealing to Jim that the attempted executions at the end of last season were due to them switching places is going to have consequences in the future? Bc I’m nervous about that.

- also hey Crowley being super protective and particularly vengeful towards Gabriel truthers HOW U DOING???

- listen there’s so much to talk about and discuss and dig into but I really want to take a moment to weep over how Crowley kissed Aziraphale goodbye. So desperately. So sadly. And how venomous Aziraphale’s follow up “I forgive you” lands like a slap at the end of this tumultuous argument. Never could have predicted it to go like that. I’m still reeling.

[dotster001]

i am humbly asking for a type one match up for obey me. describe myself, you say? okay i can do that. i spend a lot of my time doing chores and lazing around on the internet. i'm a decent cook and i listen to video essays (usually philosophytube) when i'm doing house stuff. i am pretty indifferent to what happens around me in a day-to-day sense but i love losing myself in books or manwhas. i also have a lot of trouble keeping track of time and i cry when i get angry (this seemed important to bring up)

that's it im probably rambling BUT congrats on 1.5k !! <3

(I have seen your humble request, and have made you a match. I hope you enjoy this my dear!)

I match you with Leviathan.

Sometimes it's really hard to make a match, but this one I knew immediately. And you may have seen this one coming, but still 😂.

He's so pumped that you like to hang on the internet. He's probably a reddit troll, let's be real, so he enjoys just the two of you sitting quietly and doing your own thing on the internet, maybe leaning over to each other every once in a while to show the other a meme. The other brothers usually find you both cuddling and on a device. It's really cute, and Mammon may or may not have started a viral Devilgram account of just the two of you being cuddly together.

You're both giving Lucifer early gray hairs. Especially when you both get eachother a new book or a new manga, and it's ten hours later and neither of you have left his room. He definitely has concerns.

Though, those concerns are eased a little but when he sees you just cleaning Levi's room one day…doing chores? Without him even asking? Just for like…fun?

Levi:Would you like to stay for dinner?

Lucifer: Would you like to stay forever?

Leviathan, someone who can go off for hours about his favorite fandoms, and someone who has lived for eons…play any of your philosophy vids and he has OPINIONS. Unasked for opinions, usually, but it's cute to see him go off for hours about something that is essentially just…..subjective and subject to change depending on society and the audience. Honestly, there's plenty of times where he's waxing on about life's meaning as he mindlessly destroys bosses in a game. Meanwhile, you're just sitting there staring at him like, huh?

He gets really scared that he fucked up the first time you start crying in the middle of an argument.  He's one to talk considering how often he summons Lotan. When you've both cooled down later you'll have to explain that you just cry when you're mad, and You're not breaking up with him. Afterwards, it's easier. Turns out he also cries when he's mad, he's just trained himself over the years to wait until the person he's arguing with has left the room. 

You were chilling in your room when you heard your beloved boyfriend scream.

You rushed to his room in a panic to see him scrolling through a Devilgram account  that looked like pictures of the both of you snuggling and playing games, or reading, or looking at videos together. Pictures you didn't remember taking.

"MAMMON YOU ARE SO DEAD!" Levi screamed, not realizing you were standing right there.

"Levi!" You shouted covering your ears, and startling him back to reality.

"Sorry," he murmured, "but look what Mammon's been doing!"

You leaned in, trying not to get flustered by how nice your boyfriend's scent was, and began scrolling through the pictures.

"I mean, they are cute pictures…."

"Yeah, I guess," Levi pouted.

"And it looks like there's a lot of followers who want to see what the Avatar of Envy's everyday life is like…"

"Uh huh…"

"And most of the comments are pretty positive, they seem happy for us. And those that aren't are because they are envious that they don't have the Avatar of Envy," you said with a smirk as Levi started slumping in his chair and trying to hide his reddening cheeks. 

"Hmmm…. Well once we get those cameras he hid out of your room…. I'm gonna follow this account."

"Nooooooo……" he whined.

"What? My boyfriend's cute," you giggled. "Plus, we spend most of our time cuddling like this, so it's nice to have pictures."

"Stooooop," he whined, burying his face in his hoodie.

You sat in his lap to get a better look, and subconsciously ran your fingers through his hair as you scrolled through. 

"I'm making this one my lock screen."

"Please stooooop!"

[eccentrickleptomaniac]

im gonna ask you to share your poland headcanons :]

WAHAHAHA ANNOOOOOOON THANK YOUUUU IVE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT HER FOREVER

ohwhere do i start... i suppose i'll talk about her personality first?

ok so let me set the record straight. she is a bitch. she's incredibly stubborn and once her mind is on something it's incredibly difficult to get her to change it, even if she knows its wrong. she enables the worst in people and rewards them for it. you know that one scene in angels in america where roy and belize are arguing about azt and roy starts hurling slurs at belieze and once belize does the same roy gives him the azt? yeah poland would do that. she will start fighting with anyone to bring them to their breaking point. it's a skill she learned while still in the same house with the bastard known as the ussr.

speaking of, she hates russia more than anyone. genuinely. it's actually kind of scary how far it goes. she pretty much allout refuses to speak with his friends and if she seems him, hoo boy you better be ready to hold her down. the hatred, i suppose its justified considering the.. how do i put this Hostile and imperial history between the two. i genuinely believe the last time the two ever had a positive interaction was during smolensk and even that was only because at first russia was the only one around to comfort her.

ok lets talk about her with closer friends.. while yes she fucking loves to push people's buttons when alone with someone she likes shes actually a very understanding and loyal person. she will actually listen to you rant about something you're passionate about for hours. if you are in trouble she will be the first to help you. however, if you look at her funny please know you've made an enemy for life. she holds long and petty grudges unapologetically.

speaking of pettyness, lets talk about the ussr and her relationship with him. i think about them a lot just because they hate eachother so much. completely genuinely i believe she only stayed in the warsaw pact for two reasons: to somehow destroy the ussr oh and also taking care of eg since shes still a teenager. im like, 99% sure the two got into arguments daily. they genuinely hate eachother more than anyone, and whatever the fuck perestroika didn't help. at best she was tolerant of him, at worst she was actively trying to kill him. she hates him for everything he stands for as well as his treatment of eg. despite her thing for long and petty grudges, she could tell that that girl could do no wrong from the start. the two have a very mother-daughter like relationship

she has both of her wings and they work just fine! although for a long time they didnt lol. i believe during ww2 they got fucked up during the destruction of warsaw (since that was pretty much the moment that armie krawoja lost its footing and poland became a guaranteed soviet puppet state after the war) and it took until her eventual leaving of the warsaw pact for them to be fully functional again. it's a fun little metaphor for freedom, i guess.

the cross she wears on her neck isn't actually because she's super religious. it was originally a small postwar act of spite against the soviet union, but eventually it kinda just became part of her outfit. she still isn't super religious, most countries arent due to their inherent personification of a whole ass landmass. unless it's like, the vatican or something JAJA

she is a hardcore alcoholic. it's, uh, not good, but it has quite literally been going on since pre-interwar. although she has gotten better with not downing like, 3 bottles of vodka in 1 sitting. she mostly just drinks beer at this point, unless she's like, really stressed for whatever reason. hey, old habits die hard. if i were being constantly harassed and assaulted by my neighbors i too would probably have some sort of addiction to a substance at this point. a random poland fun fact, the national drink is vodka.

her signature item (an item of which a country has associated themselves with and can now summon at will) is a hussar sabre as gifted to her by her father (the polish-lithuanian commonwealth). she cherishes it greatly and can use the sword quite well in combat. 10/10 would bring it to a gunfight.

due to her time spent in annexation for like, 100 years, she's pretty good at playing piano. on her spare time she'll play it rather leniently. admittedly, she doesn't have many hobbies. she sort of reads most of the day when not out with people.

wait how have i got this far without talking about her friends. she's good friends with the folk in the lublin triangle (lithuania (whos also her sister lol) and ukraine) and the visegrad group (czechia, slovakia, hungary) as well as all formerly in the eastern bloc. she would die for them and genuinely wishes nothing but the best for them. theyre also one of the few people who can actually tolerate her for long periods of time.

while it doesn't tend to show, she is very wary of france and britain specifically due to ww2. france especially, actually, considering the whole duchy of warsaw situation. for a long time she genuinely believed france was going to help her get her freedom. as you can see, that did not turn out, and nowadays the relationship between the two tends to be strained, only amplified by the russo-ukrainian war. she tends to interject on anything france is saying in an eu meeting with a sarcastic remark, especially if it's about war. she doesn't forget and she doesn't forgive.

uhhh i hope this suffices? i felt like this basically the entire time i was writing this

edit nope nvm im adding more i forgot to talk about interwar poland

ok so. interwar and postwar poland are basically two seperate people at this point. like, not literally, poland didnt fucking die in the war lol but personality and appearancewise they're completely different. as opposed to current poland's rather brash, loud, and belligerent personality, interwar poland was very quiet. he's much closer to that "fanon" poland. while, yeah he still was pretty fierce. it was much harder to get him to that point than it is now. he was pretty pacifistic all things considered.. he also at the time worked at a library doing archival things.. nowadays her job primarily consists of doing paperwork, which she doesn't mind all that much all things considered.

edit 08/08/23: her """"government assigned"""" username is probableLiability.

[the-eldritch-storyteller]

A Name with a Hundred Faces

Your existence is flabbergasting. And yet, your very concept is even more.

I saw some people talk today, for something like a magazine, a reportage or whatever. An interview. Right. That's what it is was. I saw an interview today, with the interviewee being someone who claimed to be the smartest of your kind. Faceless, they sat in front of the one with the questions. Wearing a mask, resembling a fox. "Red Wolpertinger", that's how they introduced themselves, not that I know what that is. Anyway, the interview promptly started, and I happen to transcribe it, for your reading pleasure.

I: "Can I call you 'Red' ?"

Red: "Sure, though I don't really care what you call me."

I: "So, Red, you consider yourself to be the smartest person alive?"

Red: "Well yes, maybe even the smartest in history, but there isn't really a way to truly know now, now is there?"

I: "What made you come to this conclusion?"

Red: "Im not sure whether this is a good question. Maybe rephrase it? I don't mind you being a little rude"

I: "Fine, what makes you think you're so different from the rest of us, even going as far as claiming to be the smartest?"

Red: "I recon saying 'I just felt special' is an unsatisfactory answer?"

I: "Yes, please go into detail."

Red: 'sighing' "Oh dear. Its a bunch, actually. Its they way you guys miss things. Obvious things. Well, obvious to me. Little details, that can make things easier, little concepts, little conclusions, that seem to bypass you. Whether that is in day-to-day life, your job, the games you play, the ways you enjoy yourself. You miss things. Things, that help you deconstruct, well, everything, and put it back together. You see things as they are, and not the pieces they will be if they're destroyed, and with that, you are unable to observe its potential.

But there is more. Its in the way you desire intelligence. So many claiming to be smart, hell, even claiming to be the pinnacle of intellectuality, with nothing to back it up other than their ego. When I was a child, I never saw my future in doing a job, but more being the most intelligent, so people would listen to me. So they wouldn't dismiss me, and believe me for once. Because I wanted to help, to be useful. But the older I got, the more things I conceptually pulled apart and put together, the more I understood how foolish this desire was. No matter how viable the source, there are always deniers, people that know it 'better'. What is the worth of a mouth if everyone's deaf?

Now, existence is defined by daily, unwanted and painful realizations of what you guys miss. What you walk past. Beautiful and ugly things. How many mistakes you make. And how I can't help you because of your egos. How you will tell me 'I know what I'm doing', with a bitter smile, and then walk into a hole you dug yourself, unintentionally."

I: "How do you know its not just YOUR ego?"

Red: "Nobody laughed at me yet."

I: "Excuse me?"

Red: "Remember what I said about you missing things? You guys miss the irony in your words, the unintended hypocrisy in your statements. You don't wanna know how many times I saw people debate online or in real life, where somebody made an idiotic... 'comeback' to an argument, where the only person owned is themselves.

I always laugh so wholeheartedly when this happens, until I remember they do not feel that sting of embarrassment when they finally recall what they just said, without thinking. And when I realize these people can vote. Making a mistake is one thing, but not noticing it is one, is another.

...

I don't need to elaborate on that last thing, right?"

I: "No, thank you."

Red: "And this is another thing, I guess. I never know what I can expect of you. Humanity is so unpredictable, its honestly insane. How vast the combinations of how people think, how their mind is built is so... interesting! Psychology, and biology also, are such grand brackets, that whether something does or can exist, can be a throw of the dice and a question of-"

I: "I'm sorry to interrupt, but can we focus at the topic at hand?"

How rude. It just got interesting. Well, just another information lost.

Red: "Alright, my apologies, I got a little exited. I normally don't get to talk about this stuff without boring people. Continue with the questions."

I: "Thank you. What do you consider the hardest thing to do, despite your obvious strengths?"

Red: "Communication. How do you explain concepts, that don't have names yet? How do you describe something, the other person can't think of, and therefore, can't imagine? Another reason I feel intelligence to be undesirable. It makes you lonely, trapped in your own mind with ghost others can't see nor hear."

I: "You seem to be rather pessimistic about all this. Are there any good things about it?"

Red: "There would be, if you let them be."

I: "Can you please be less cryptic?"

Red: "Sorry. Can you give me a second to gather my words?"

I: "Take your time."

Red: "So... Well. Hm. You know how in math, there is negativ and positiv infinity? That's actually how a lot of things behave. There are infinite positive and negative things about stuff, you just need to find them. Of course, there are the realistic and unrealistic ones, the latter of which you can dismiss, and then there are the logical and illogical ones. These are the ones we will talk about here.

Good and bad things...hm"

A pause.

"You know how things exist at the very least conceptually, even if not physically, right? What I'm trying to say is, there are reasons, why intelligence can be good, but a lot of them are connected to our social life, which makes them none-existent. Just like our mind evolved from monkeys, to neanderthals, to humans, it was evolved to benefit all of us. Our species. That was the purpose from the very beginning. So intelligence has no purpose, no meaning, other than in the face of humanity.

What I'm trying to say is, all the issues I'm seeing, all the things I could do with it to CHANGE things, are things, I can't do alone. This is why ignorance is a bigger crime then stupidity. Because you can't change without coordination, and that doesn't exist when people ignore what you say. Or, well, its way harder than with it.

So the good things that intelligence brings are really depending on whether you guys listen to me, and hopefully others like me, and help us change things for the better. Because trust me, you won't understand them, so let us all be tools of glory."

I: "That was... kinda cheesy."

Red: "Just noticed that too, can we scratch that?"

I: 'laughing' "Nope, you wanted every single thing to go in, unedited. So its too late now!"

Red: "Well, goddamn it."

I: "By the way, why don't you want anything cut out, worried we might twist your words?"

Red: "Well, partly, but the main reason is more that I don't want those who believe me to worship me. I am human after all, and the perfect image you can nowadays create in peoples mind through editing can be dangerous. It lets people forget that, makes them obsessed with the seemingly perfect you, makes them unable to criticize your wrong-doings, which I want to avoid. What false god I would be, pretending to be perfect, pretending to be anything but the faulty human being I am. I don't want to deceive, I want to be authentic."

How admirable. But being a god would definitely make people listen. And it would have kept you from dying.

"On top of that, what a disaster that would be. The inevitably reveal of my humanity, I mean. It would make those not delusional distrust everything I ever said, and drive the other half into such a broken mindset, effectively destroying their reason and logic. I don't want that. Knowing more than others makes you responsible for the knowledge you have, what you do with it and how these actions will influence the others, who are spared by it. Those denying this are worse fools than anyone else, because they deny the existence of consequence."

The irony.

I: "..."

Red: "...Is something the matter?"

I: "Ah, no, I'm alright. That would be all, thank you for this interview, we'll send you some details later."

And that would be it. Pity about them, really. Hadn't they talked, then maybe their murder would have never happend. But I guess there are consequences even the smartest can't know. The future, such a mystery. Time in general, really. I wish they used it more wisely, actually changing something with the life they had, other than give a interview that nobody read, but too late now. The bell rang, the coffin was put beneath, earth was thrown, and so their concept became none-physical once more. And soon forgotten by the few that knew them. What an empty world. Oh well.

To a better day.

You'll hear from me.

Promise =)

[toyyy80]

Dear mum,

The forever one sided conversation.

Do you hate me? Is there something I said or did to cause this? you say you love me sometimes yet only mere seconds later you change your mind and wish that I didn’t exist. Do you love my brother because you don’t talk or act like you do? you fight all day long you kick him out and say horrible things. you twist things no other people would consider insults into degrading comments you claim those whose beliefs that differ from yours are evil and need to change to fit your mold. I am afraid you will treat me like him if I tell you what I believe so I put up this ruse that I agree with you 24/7 sometimes I break and i'll tell you what I believe or let it slip and your whole face changes and begin to yell and say horrible things to which I often yell back.

Do you remember when he was mugged? or when I was kidnapped? Irrelevant as it may sound when this happened my body felt frozen over. I couldn’t move by my own free will. Maybe I did move but it didn’t feel as if I was the one doing this I felt almost possessed. I often feel this in our arguments. What it means I don’t know. it’s scary and I know you will never listen to my pleas but please stop screaming if not for my sanity then maybe for everyone’s ears.

Honestly, do you believe me to be a robot? Why do you believe me to not cry? Why is it when I cry you call them crocodile tears? You say I'm acting but do you truly believe me to be that talented? You say I cry to manipulate you yet when I don’t show my emotions and maintain all the composure I can muster I am stonewalling you and am the reason for your suicidal thoughts. Why do you claim to want to kill yourself whenever I disagree? Why did you hold a knife to your stomach claiming I am the reason for your death because I ate a bagel?

You say im anorectic you say that I must eat and I must go downstairs yet you fail to see why I do not go downstairs the fact the kitchen reminds me of your attempted suicide. the door reminds me of all those fights between you and dad and now you and my brother. when he went missing and the desire to leave and run away I have felt the need to do it many times and the feeling of standing outside shoeless without contact to anyone and practicly naked making my journey to my dads as quick as possible hopeing im going to be able stay with him. the sinking feeling of returning and knocking on not knowing how you feel that day leaving the feeling that you may start a fight any second. the living room reminds me of sitting with star and squeak and relaxing only to have you run in fighting with someone and you waving a machete/ax/hammer or some other dangerous weapon while yelling bloody murder. the kitchen doors remind me of you walking in angry and screaming at me it reminds me of hiding on Christmas morning because you and dad were fighting making me never claim christmas a happy day it reminds me of when you destroyed my stuff to teach me a lesson, burning it in the back garden and snapping my phone's in half to stop me calling the police and the times when you would rant about how much someone I love is evil. the hallways remind me of the feeling of you chasing me and tackling me to the ground and the feeling of being utterly powerless against your attacks.

 Hell, the entire house reminds me of these horrible moments the bathroom reminds me of when you suffocated me and wrestled me down leaving bruises all over my legs arms, and back so you could delete a recording of you saying how much you hate me off my phone, it reminds me of wanting to kill myself as I hear screaming outside and always hiding in the unlockable backroom back to the floor for hours hopeing to avoid getting kicked out never knowing when I would be able to return home.to avoid the shame of being unable to go home. the doorway to your room reminds me of you dragging me twisting my ankle then saying you didn’t hurt me despite i couldnt walk for months and stumbled and hoped everywhere and I am a no-good lier it reminds me of all the times that I’ve snuck in your room to try and find my phone to either call the police or call anyone to help and to run and leave. The stairs remind me of all the times you’ve tried to push me down. They remind me of sitting and waiting to see the outcomes of fights or running right back up to my room because I see you in a bad mood. his room reminds me of walking into a screaming match. It reminds me of realizing he is gone.that he me left alone and unprotected. Hell, my room reminds me of being forced to lie on the floor crying as i watch as you destroy my stuff it reminds me of all the times I feel as if you are going to kill me properly this time .it reminds me of the time you destroyed my floorboard with a chair right just inches away from my head, rolling and avoiding the shot after saying you hated me and  I am selfish and I am going to drive you to suicide you still have that chair, it was mine, i painted it, my joy, you can still see the damage on it.. 

Sometimes i wonder if i staved myself for a sebilance of control and stability, or its something more silly. I suppose I just got used to not eating.after you would leave for weeks on end with absolutely no warning so you could go to parties and festivals and do the most horrific things,as we were left with no money to buy food, nothing left in the house and the four of us kids begging him for food, Jim eating a packet of crisps as I sat there hoping.

Why do I want to see you despite being scared and hating you? Why do I miss you yet not wanna see you for reasons even I don’t understand.

Why do you lie? You always twist my own words and opinions to me, my family, and your friends who nod along to every word you say. you lie to me about events in which I was there, police reports of the bruises and broken bones and I think I remember I know you're wrong so much, that sometimes I question my memory and sanity.

Maybe it's Panic attacks? I don’t know how to explain the feeling of my entire body shaking and I can’t exactly feel my limbs but I can feel my nerves? I guess not being able to move yet moving in a way? Almost freezing up and I can’t control it but I can? I have mentioned this before but I just want to understand.

Mum, you had a panic attack once in front of me midway through a fight do you remember?  You told me I was a failure and you were going to kill yourself and I was so worried I followed you then sat down you and started screaming or wailing? I began panicking and called the cops or at least tried then you suddenly stopped screaming and threw the phone across the room . Do you remember that? After you screamed that you were having a panic attack you said I was crazy I don’t know if you remember that but I do I remember it down to the sounds and your facial expression from the numbing of my knees to the heavy pain in my eyes and the shaking I felt and still feel everytime I think of it. I don’t want to remember. I mean it’s not nice but I hope you remember as well so i'm not alone in that.

Do you remember when you kicked  out?it certainly wasn't the first time I was so numb to it by then but its the first i didnt completely block out, you had kicked us both to the streets for as long as I can remember, but this time was different. I remember it so well,I must have been 9 at the time? At first, it was no big deal to me. I am so used to heng you fight. 

Do you remember how you kicked him out? I was begging you not to. I remember the moment I realized he would have to walk across the dangerous parts of town in the dead of night an boy only 11 walking several mile mission. I remember worrying if he was alive sitting on the stairs waiting. I remember thinking that if he died I would as well. When we saw him again I felt so lucky and I still feel grateful to that old lady who saved him.do you even remember that ,a little kid, had walked all through the toughest parts of town shoeless in one of the dodgiest places. Do you remember that because I know he does it doesn’t seem like you remember you passing insults and comments that I know affect him. I've been there while his strong demeanor breaks and he cries because of that.its hard to believe someone so brave and strong like him is capable of breaking like that.

Do you remember when he was mugged? He was so scared and brave and managed to get out of there I remember watching in fear unable to move I remember heng him say they have a gun as we ran away did you know since then  is afraid of the streets at night you should see his face when youd send us kids to run your errands in the dead of night his eyes darting in every direction I worry about him.

On the topic of  do you remember when he tried to kill himself? He’s tried so many times but the one I always wanted to ask you about was the one that happened just down our street you two had just been fighting.  ran down to the motorway and tried to jump out into the road I was crying using all my strength to keep him on the pavement as he begged me to let go which I of course never did.do you remember what you did you stood just a couple of feet away from us yelling that he was faking it and saying that I should let him run out and he deserved it do you remember doing it your face was so calm so true at the time I remember you later saying you meant it. Do you still?

I don’t remember what happened after that happened very well but I remember I never did sigh a sigh of relief. I know I never did tell you but that was around the time  started saying that I was the only reason he stayed in this family and he would have killed himself a long time ago without me. That hurt to be honest because I never want  to die yet he would if I do. And unfortunately, mum, I want to die.i don't think I want to stop living, I love life I just never want to live the life I have, I want so desperately to change the life I have.

For as long as I can remember you have wished to die because of your childhood because of my dad but most of all me and  you say this so much I know it’s true it has to be true. you say it when you confide in me and every time you’re angry or having a mental breakdown (which let's be honest is often) you sometimes say things such as I wish you were never born and you’ve been corrupted which hurts I hate every time you say that I know s has grown numb to your words and the pain and perhaps I have as well but can you please stop saying it although it might be too late as in my head your words echo whenever they so desire.

It like im out with friends and we’re having fun and then boom I suddenly hear you screaming it at me I remember the events of my life as if I am living through it all over again then suddenly I am thrown into this bad mood and have to start acting to them that im still in a good mood.it luckily doesn’t happen often but when it does it fucking sucks.i got told I appear to just stare on the outside, one of my friends said it's positively terrifying but I'm glad it isn't so obvious, I would hate to worry everyone or make a fool of myself for not being stronger.

Why do you think I don't have trauma?

Why have you never considered that I might be suicidal?

Do you really think ive never tried?

I know I will never admit it aloud that I'm depressed and suicidal and a little bit fucked up all around  however against all I wish I am so please stop talking to me as if i'm the perfect one.as if I'm the only one in my family who's never suffered.

Maybe I would tell you but to be honest I don't really remember I wonder why?

Hey mum we haven't talked in a while,

I haven't seen you in months and heard from you in weeks.

I wonder what you're doing. I worry everyday that you may just leave this world and the last thing I said was sorry.

While we have been apart I've been thinking of some memories we share.

Such as the weekend that huw williams went missing you spent the entire time leaning on me for support telling me things I did not want or need to know telling horrific things from your childhood.

You did this for two days in a row. No sleep, no breaks for food or the toilet.

You traped me on your bed as you both seeked guidance and to put my life experiences down you spoke as if I am so fucking perfect and the few times you did speak on anyone but yourself.

You said I would have been killed in the holocaust then laughed about how you wouldve lived and they would have liked you.

I chose to return from my escape of 13, to try and support you and I never complained, I never said it was too much. I never let my tears fall. I braved it for you.i canceled my life plans for you at every turn I wanted to be a good daughter, maybe fix you and smoothen out your rough sides.

So why when I needed to just leave to go to school after days if missing it did you start yelling at me.

Why did you start to call me uncng saying I never supported you why did you start saying I am selfish and that I am just like my dad.

But what got me most was how you phased the nights before saying that you were comforting me that you were the one who listens to my problems when you don't even know my problems. You said I need to be more like you. But all you do is run around acting like you help with all of everyone's problems but you never help you just diagnose everyone like you're an expert.

Hugs there are kinda complicated to me. I used to love to just hug everyone regardless of what's going on but within the last couple of years i've been pretty scared of your hugs I mean sometimes you straight up tackle me to the ground in the middle of a fight after you calmly ask for a hug and tbh I don't trust you I feel as though you may just slam me into a wall again.but I know you get very hurt when I say I don't want to hug you so I will suck up my feelings and hug you but please stop attacking me in the middle of a hug.

I'm trying to trust people again, trying to go back to the hugs that once brought comfort it's a slow journey, but I feel improvement.i still don't know if I trust you but maybe one day I can hug you and feel loved like I've always dreamed.

 Say one word a simple hi  then you say 282 words each one trying to bring me down in an more insulting hurtful and degrading way then the last. Hurdling hundreds of messages sent my way that you delete within the hour, calling scream down the phone wether laughter or crying or angry, is often inditiciseable.

You cridicise everything from my friends to my words and somethimes my fucking face and my weight how ugly my body is.

Then you ask why I never say hi why I never want to even talk to you with more and more insults the more I take it.

To be honest I hold my tongue to you I can't say the words I wish I could say I wish I could show you that i'm not the only one who can speak with pure venom in my tongue but I don't because I know how much it hurts to hate yourself due to the words that your own flesh and blood say. And im frankly scared.

I've not seen you in months now. I hope soon I will not stay awake till the early hours feng you. says we might see you today and ever since I've been sick to the stomach.

I almost convinced myself you managed to get into my dad's house and was in my room earlier. It's kinda what set me up tonight. Maybe I am crazy.

I think I've had enough….sorry

So you were recently imprisoned.

They haven't quite locked you up for good but there trying they have searched the house called it a "scene" kicked out animals to the curb.

 interviewed me and  with question after question about hue.All to figure out if you killed him in cold blood.now personally I think you are innocent but a small voice in my head is asking did you do it? It's not like you've never tried to kill someone, not like I've never seen someone die.

What happened that night? Where did he go, did he leave on his own or did you do something?

I just wish I knew what happened.

I wish I could understand you, your sweet words enticing me to be tricked into your trap, forced to calmly and maturely not cause a fight when every word you say is loaded to trigger a fight, to trigger you making yourself mad. And only one person doesn't lose and that's you, all those around however.

It's been a long time now. Each time we speak you guiltrip me, attempt to swindle me into believing the lies you carefully weave together.

When I say what you've done, the look of horror in peoples faces will never cease to surprise me with how normal you make it seem, when the simple stories I find funny lends to someone's suffering I don't know what to think or say, to comfort them or my younger self? 

I see children so pure and innocent, there eyes shine with so much love for the world, I just want to protect them and keep them happy and safe. How did you do the things you did to someone so small, someone so young. Why did you dominate your strength and your power over something so frail?

Young kids with there big naive eyes, are so sweet, so innocent i cant imagine wishing to hurt them

Why do you still insist I deserved it, was I really that bad? I just wanted to be loved by my mother. To have a happy life. I love you so much it just hurts, your cookies you’d cook at three in the morning while smoking weed, they were absoluely devine, the love you showed lexi, you know she really looked up to you, and the way youd curse her mum out for the very sins you commit, your devotion to animals, knowlede of plants, as youd guide me through the world of animals and plants, the way youd always try your hardest to be loved, the way youd cry when i made you food, as i gave you silly little gifts, when you felt loved, i feel great sympathy for your struggle, your mental health is not something id wish on my worst enemy, your parents fucking abused you and you had two kids and a shit realationship at such a young age. You royaly fucked up on so many levels, but i can see the effort. We both just wanted to be loved my our mothers.

 Love you, your bugs

[k9iriz]

𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐢𝐭, 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡.

𝟏𝟖+

𝘳𝘩𝘦𝘢 𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘺 𝘹 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙨 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙:

𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘬𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢, 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯/𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘦, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳/𝘴𝘶𝘣! 𝘳𝘩𝘦𝘢/𝘥𝘰𝘮! + 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵

"I didn't even fuckin' do anything!" I argued to a stressed out rhea, overly done listening to what i had to say.

After her match and segment, premiering after she won her championship, things got off to a rocky start. She was getting more respected as a champ, and more spotlight, which caused you to feel alone, and you getting more crankier, and your attitude flashes made things worse.

She paid less attention, and was gaining an interest in Toni Storm.

You two weren't official...or i should say fuck buddies. It hurt bad that as the second priority to her, you didn't gain enough attention from her like she used to before she blew up and got her spot as champion and tagged with more females...knowing nobody knew about what was going on between you two, it hurt you.

But she blindly claimed you. Nonetheless, You got jealous anytime she'd be around someone.

So planning payback was first in mind.

"You didn't do nothing? You mindlessly flirted with another female in front of my fucking face Y/N! Yeah, real fucking bust...slut." Rhea mumbled that last part, so hard that her accent popped out so easily, revealing she was overly pissed.

"Run that by me again...?" You paused, looking at her as if you saw a ghost. One thing was...Rhea antagonized most arguments with her very slick comments, and it did something to you...physically.

But you also had a slick mouth...more than to say than her.

"Nothing-"

"Bitch! I heard what you said! You wanna act all hurt now that im giving you the same treatment, Rhea. It's not fair at fuckin' all. The audacity people like you must have." You cursed violently, giving her her the taste of her own medicine.

Rhea stopped the car with abruptive ease, stopping the car before slamming the door, storming in behind her of your shared apartment.

"You can't get fuckin mad...But if your mad you can't handle the fuckin' truth, not my fault. Then you wanna call me a slut? You must be a whore. Giving all these females attention ever since you got that gold. Made you more of a bitch than you already are-" Your yelling rant was mid cut off with a forceful choke against the wall.

"I've bout fuckin' had it with your attitude. It's been going on ever since i got that championship...Hm princess? You jealous?" Rhea growled, her intense eyes drew into your pupils before slyly biting your lip, getting lost in her eyes.

Not responding, her nodding before roughly pushing you on the bed, towering over you intimindatingly, her demeanor...her dominance laced and took over you, once she gave you that mug look, tilting her eyes to you, and those eyes pierced into yours, like she could destroy you in one piece.

And not that...you been yearning for some action. This was the intention once you seen her flip. Make her jealous.

"You got 5 seconds to strip. Or i'll do it myself." Rhea raved silently for us to hear, making me slowly look at her.

"Make me." You spat coldly.

"Mnm fuck!" You whined loudly as you heaved yourself up with your two hands, grinding your hips slowly around her long fingers, making you squeal, tightening around them as a sly smirk appeared on your lovers' face.

"Don't you even think about cumming, slut. You wanted to be a bratty bitch to me, brats don't get to cum." Rhea scolded in a teasing manner, staring at her fingers, the sight of my juices coating almost her whole hand, glistening right off of her fingers.

"Hm-ph" I groaned, before getting cut off with a moan, a loud one as i felt that familiar knot in my stomach, feeling her fingers move inside of my clit, before curling them, grazing my sweet spot.

"C-can i p-please c-cum?" I wordlessly stuttered, throwing my head back as my legs shook, unable to personally keep me still and standing up.

"Hm...Show me you deserve to cum princess...you can do it..."Rhea teased, swirling her tongue around her pink plump lips, staring dead at me, connecting eyes with each other, not noticing a mirror was in front of me.

"Or are you gonna tap out like the little bitch you are? Hm? You gonna give up on me? I bet this feels better than my fuckin' tongue touching you, hm?" Rhea barked, her facial expression changing fastly.

"I fuckin' hate you so much-" I spat under my breath, gritting my teeth before nodding my head repeatedly as i stopped moving, along with her fingers plunging in and out of slit repeatedly, before staring into the mirror.

"Repeat what you said. I couldn't fuckin' hear you over those pretty little moans of yours sweetheart." Rhea dared, teasing us completely, causing my mouth to agape, my eyes shutting as i chanted curse words under my breathe, egging her on.

"This is why you been acting out? You wanted me to fuck you? Finger fuck you? You could've asked me to baby, now i have to make my slut suffer." Rhea egged, fake frowning before moving closer to us as she sat in a mans spread on the chair, watching us through the mirror, slutted out and fucked out.

"Look at you sweetheart. All fucked out and being a slutty wet whore all down my fingers...be a good girl for me and look at how wet you are...just by off my fingers." Rhea chuckled.

I shook my head.

Rhea sat on the bed, behind me, as her other hand, came in contact with my neck, forcefully making me look at the mirror.

Everything was on display, her fingers toying with my clit, tears falling down my face as more my sweet juices spilled from down my inner thigh and beneath me as i looked at her dark eyes, everything felt so right in that moment.

Rhea's hand came in soft contact with our cheek, making her squeeze our face, my mouth agaping as she stared at me like a demon before i threw my head back on her shoulder, her mouth coming in contact with my ear.

Public display of affection.

"Look at you. My pretty little cumslut. Don't you ever fuckin' embarrass me like that again. Your mines. Your whole body belongs to me, I own you. You got it?" Rhea growled in my ear, speeding up her finger movements as screams and curse words, enough to send me over edge before releasing over her fingers, causing a chuckle from her.

"Open." Rhea ordered, as i stuck my tongue out, her spitting in it as she stuck my juices covered fingers along with my mouth, swirling it around her fingers, easily cleaning them off before i swallowed it, looking at her with lust in my eyes.

"Yes i got it." I giggled, referring to her last question, now i know if this can get me fucked like this? ill do it more often.

Plus a new riding skill.

"I'll get you a shower ready." She smirked before trailing off in my bathroom, staring at her...Jesus she's fine.

Im also a wattpad writer, and very new to tumblr so bare with me, send in requests! thank you guys! <3 - kairi.

[captain-kinda-trash]

Hi! I wanted to request some headcannons for rottmnt boys with a reader who gives great hugs and gets a plush hoodie this winter, so hugging them feels like hugging a teddy bear now

Of course!! Thank you so much for the request!!

Teddy Bear (ROTTMNT Headcanons)

This was what I had in mind while writing 🤔🤔⬇

Leo

Let's just be clear about one thing

Leo LOVES your hugs

CANNOT get enough of them

Long night of fighting for justice? Huggies

Gets into an argument with Donnie? More huggies

Hell, even walking past you in the lair, he'll do little grabby hands and act like a whiny baby until he gets his daily hugs 🙄 😩

But then you get a super soft, super fluffy, super warm sweatshirt?

Dead

He's dead

You're basically like a human heater for this cold-blooded blue boy

Since you've gotten it, you can hardly stop wearing it, because it's the most comfortable thing ever-

And Leo has gotten even more excuses to hug you

"Leo, im cooking!"

"bUT YOUR SOO COMFFYYY 🥴"

Will, without a doubt ask you to carry his lazy ass, just because he wants to snuggle into your sweatshirt

And don't even get me STARTED on movie nights with him

Because what begins as a cold-blooded turtle hanging onto your arm like a baby koala

Ends up being Leo curled up in your lap or somehow wrapped around you with this hot sweater

So while he's practically purring with comfort, you are sweating like a dog

Not to mention, this bitch is just heavy

like 200+ pounds of straight muscle, so I hope you don't have to use the restroom any time soon because it's going to take a while to pry this big baby off of you

I'd also like to mention, that you don't need to tell him not to steal your hoodie

because he’s gonna do it anyways 😎💙

You discovered this one day, when you slipped the article off to bake with Mikey

After a nice batch of cookies was made, your jacket was gone and you began parading around the lair to find it 

Only to see Leo, snuggled in his bed and playing on his phone, with your hoodie practically swallowing him whole

If he hadn’t looked so comfortable, you would have been angrier, and just settled for scolding him playfully for stealing it

it was hell trying to pry it off of him,  though...

This turtle knows how to wrestle and he will not hesitate to kick your ass over this fluffy sweatshirt 😤

These two things (hugs and your hoodie) combined just make Leo melt into a puddle, and he couldn’t be happier to have all of your teddy bear hugs :>

Mikey

um, have you met this turtle?

KING of hugs

It’s so great how both of you share the same energy

Though he’s more cold-blooded, like Donnie, he needs all of the hugs

It’s just your thing

With Raph, you have fist bumps, Leo, you’ve got a cool handshake, Donnie is more for high-fives 

And for Mikey, it’s hugs 

He practically tackles you to the ground in tight hugs whenever you get home from school/work and come to the lair, like a happy little puppy

Speaking of puppies…

That’s what he says your hoodie feels like whenever it first arrives in the mail.

Immediately, you throw it on, and Mikey is all over it, petting the soft fabric and squealing in excitement 

Can he please wear it?? 🥺

Little Mikey didn’t even have to ask before you shed the hoodie and let him try it on

And OH

MY

FLUFFY...

The amount of cuteness that this turtle radiates when he’s smiling like an idiot and flapping the oversized arms around is just-

He vows to get his own since it’s so warm and comfortable

But he’s very respectful and gives it back to you

Only to attack you in another hug and lift you off of the ground because you look so adorable

“You’re like a little teddy bear!” *excited squeal!*

Mikey 100% respects your space so if you’re ever snuggling, he’s instantly aware of your getting sweaty or uncomfortable and will let up or loosen his arms

Winter days?

Snuggles all day and night

when Mikey (politely) asks to wear your jacket, he’ll throw it on and give you piggyback rides around the lair, because we love fun

And for Christmas, you get him his own, and he’s IN LOVE 

Sweater buddies 

He gets one in his favorite color and little ears on the hood and once a week, when they need to be thrown in the washer, you’ll keep him warm while he waits.

(Leo gets jealous of all the attention you’re giving Mikey >:o)

Donnie

we all know that Don isn’t the biggest on physical affection

If he wants a hug, usually he’d be the one to initiate, which is totally cool, since usually he’s forced into a hug by his brothers (secretly loves it tho)

He does enjoy your hugs, though he can be a bit awkward and stiff with them at first

If he’s feeling down, needs to be warmed up a bit, he’ll immediately seek your comfort

Even out of his brothers, you’re secretly his favorite 

Sure he loves Dr. Delicate Touch, but sometimes Donnie would rather go to someone who isn’t very pushy with solutions, and is willing to listen

And we can also all agree that he has an immaculate fashion taste ✨💜

When he sees the fluffy sweater draped over your arm, he’s immediately running over, analyzing the fabrics, and rushing to get you to try it on

Why? Fashion show 

Loves the warmth of your hoodie

And I because “it’s so soofff”

Donnie’s blood runs the coldest out of all of his brothers and he has the most sensitive shell, so he just adores your sweater

Is definitely contemplating on getting one for himself, though he wouldn’t tell you at first, because you might think he’s trying to copy your awesome style, and that would just destroy his massive ego 😩💅

He enjoys it when you sit in his lab with him, maybe rested against his side with your hoodie on, as you play on your phone/read/draw

Also up for snuggles when it’s extra chilly in the Lair, or when his brothers aren’t around, because once again, damaged ego

Movie marathons?

Hell yeah

Donnie will always make sure your comfortable before he gets comfortable on the couch, so you won’t shift around while watching the movie

He’s also very vulnerable when he takes his battle shell off, and in more ways than one

You know he’s got real, strong trust when he does so and will let you carefully hug him from behind with your hoodie on, since it’s so soft

Donnie will also snatch your massive jacket if he gets the chance, and disappear into his lab for days with it on

And he’ll never tell a soul this…

But he loves it the most, because it smells like you, 💜

so it’s like having you right beside him while you’re gone, or when he’s busy building something 

Also, tries to use his classic and sarcastic charm when it comes to asking for your hoodie back

“Come on Don, it’s cold outside! I need it!”

“But would you take it from such a luxurious face as this?” 😏

“😒”

“Right, giving it back-“

He totally gets his own hoodie, by the way

Purple (obviously)

But it just isn’t the same as your own, so Donnie might just have yours on and then wrap his own around his waist

Yep

He sure does love his teddy bear 💜

Raph

Okay but Raph is an actual teddy bear-

A big, mom-friend, weapon-wielding teddy bear

He LOVES giving hugs, and most would recognize this, seeing the various pictures and instances where he pulls all three of his brothers in for a great big group hug ❤

He's constantly reminding himself that you are much much more prone to injuries than his brothers, so he holds you like a little baby when he hugs you

(Unless he gets super excited or has a really rough night, so just be aware that you might be restricted of breathing privileges in that case-)

Usually so gentle 🥺

Just picks you up and wraps those huge freaking arms around you like giant pillows

And he LOSES HIS SHIT when you come back with this fluffy ass hoodie

Has this infatuation with petting the fur and running his fingers over it

He has never felt something so soft in his entire life 😩❤

And then when he hugs you with it on-

aUGGGH ❤❤

"Why are you a like big teddy bear?!"

"Buddy, you're just getting a taste of my own world-"

Poor Raph, being the size he is and having such a spiky shell, can't just wear your hoodie like his brothers :(

I mean, sure he could take it so easily

But he doesn't want to disrespect your things, or make you upset, because this man is The Gentleman™

So, rather than asking to wear it, he'll ask to spend more time with you

Not just for the hoodie ofc, but because of your sweet gentleness and warmth

Better quit your job babe, because your new occupation?

Raph's cuddle buddy

He refuses to let you become uncomfortable, makes sure there are the right amount of pillows, blankets, and room for you to move around while you snuggle together etc.

Raph is also a heavy sleeper, so once he gets comfy and warm enough, he'll probably doze off and trap you in his big "arm cage"

Really, his nature is pure and gentle and everything you could ever imagine when it comes to hugging his little teddy bear ❤🐢

@getacactus @turtle-babe83

Hope you enjoyed this little ditty! I LOVED writing these!! 💜💜

[stanknotstark]

Commanding Loki (just kind of happens)

Summary: You’re not really sure how it happens but you begin commanding Loki, the God of Mischief, around. To everyone’s shock, he happily obliges to your commands. 

The first time you do it in front of the Avengers they all kind of stop in shock.

"Loki, get me a soda before you sit down." You told rather than asked the God.

You were too busy looking at a tablet Tony had lent you to see him stop in his tracks. He glared at the Avengers looking at him, ready to attack him as if he was thinking about attacking you for giving him an order. They weren't wrong but only because you did it in front of everyone. Probably.

He got you a soda and sits next to you, rolling his eyes at your nonchalant thanks. 

The next time it happened was kind of a life or death situation.

"Loki, leave the room right now and calm yourself," You checked Thor's pulse through the gushing blood which made him slippery as an eel, "You either calm yourself and I’ll let you back in or you can sit out there like a petulant child. Go."

Natasha looked at you as if you were crazy, her hands pressing a t-shirt to Thor’s wound tightly. Loki heeded her no mind though and did as you told him.

He was welcomed back within 15 minutes.

Next, you do it more to push boundaries because Natasha had a conversation with you after Thor's fiasco. She's finds it quite funny that he obeys you like it's second nature but if anyone else dared do it he wouldn't hesitate to threaten their life. Trust me, Tony had wanted to test his boundaries and tried to do it too. Needless to say, Tony wouldn't be doing it again any time soon, he was still pissy some very expensive pieces of furniture got destroyed.

So one day while you and Loki are hanging out with Natasha, like you all consistently do because you three enjoy silence but companionship at the same time. You look across at Nat and grin, making sure Loki doesn't see it and commence your plan.

"Loki," Loki looks up from his book on midguardian foods newly introduced from 1996 to 2010, a questioning frown on his face, "Pass me the remote."

It's simple enough, nothing too strenuous. Yet.

"You have two perfectly functioning arms." Loki mutters but grabs the remote and gives it to you. You give him a genuine smile and you can see he has gone soft in the eyes before he looks at his book again. 

You glance at Nat with raised brows, she looks away with a smirk as you turn on the TV. Flicking through channels you finally settle on reruns of Stranger Things. Natasha gets interested and you kind of watch but mostly you're thinking about commanding Loki to do something else but what? Loki keeps looking at his book but you see him glancing up often to watch the show too.

"Hey, Cowboy," Loki growls at the name, it had come up when Thor told you he used to call him a cow for his horns, "Don’t sit like that you'll get scoliosis....if a God can get that." Loki who had slouched forwards blinked at you and sat up straight in shock from the bad posture. When you see him glower at the TV you smile, he's probably cursing midguardians for ruining his good posture.

"Thanks." You whisper.

Loki hums carelessly and puts his book down to instead watch the show. Natasha coughs into her hand (a hidden laugh, you knew Nat too well), Loki eyes her suspiciously, looks at you, then focuses back on the TV. You force yourself, with great resolve might you add, to not laugh. You let things settle again before you try the ultimate command.

"Ugh." You start, rolling your right shoulder around and poking at it as if it hurts. You're literally about to tell Loki to massage it for you but you’re struck by paralyzing shock. Loki had noticed your 'discomfort' and moved closer to you. Lifting his hands towards your shoulder he stopped and looked at you with a tilted brow, asking consent. 

Aww how sweet.

You nodded and shifted so he had better access to your back. One hand landed between your shoulders on your back and the other pinching the area where your shoulder met your arm and began massaging.

Shocked you let him staring at the TV but not knowing what is going on on the show. Loki and you had touched before so it's not so out in the left field that you're concerned but he was massaging you in front of Natasha. Your thoughts turned to mush as he pushes and pulls your body so he could access all of your back and starts massaging your entire back. You couldn't help the little whimpers and soft moans of delight. Not only was this man a God but he was literally gifted God like hands, unfair!

After letting out another whimper Loki stopped. You felt him shift back to his original spot and so you did too. Glancing at him you saw a hint of flushed cheeks as he stared at the TV distantly. Natasha was outright staring at him with both eyebrows raised to her hairline, it looked like.

Loki cleared his throat and left with an offhand excuse.

Once Loki left the area Natasha's eyes fell onto you. She smirked lecherously but said nothing about what had just happened. Turning her attention back to the show when you shrugged your shoulders, completely flustered. 

She asks, "So like, I don’t doubt Will is going to be found but does Barbara make it?"

You smile and settle into the couch, "You'll find out in a few episodes."

Natasha groans and you laugh. You know she hates not knowing but if she's truly desperate she can look it up on Google or ask Jarvis.

The next time you command him it's another crisis. 

In short, Thor and Loki are arguing, both clearly in a ferocious rage in the kitchen. All the team is there to experience it this time too.

"No, Thor, I cannot simply understand why you would defend those inept idiots you call friends. If you think they're in the right you’re more brainless than I thought!" Loki yells at Thor who now looks like a kicked puppy and your motherly instincts kick in.

"Hey!" Loki looks at you shocked, this is the highest he's ever heard your voice, and probably the angriest too because you just don’t get mad. You have the patience of a Buddha God, Tony likes to say. 

"You apologize to him right now, then you will listen to what your brother has say, and if you interrupt him I will show you just how minuscule a God can be to a non believer."

The entire kitchen is silent. Tony looks like he wants to flee the area, he's been on your angry side once before. Steve is practically engraving the table with his eyes. Natasha shrugs and continues eating her meal, the utensils clipping the plate the only noise in the room.

Loki looks at Thor and raises a brow. Thor, still looking at you, swallows and begins to talk, focusing on his brother again. 

"Im trying to learn but I don’t know how to stay neutral between your feelings and my friend's-"

Loki opens his mouth but slams it shut when you snap your fingers.

"-i do not want to offend anyone but every choice i make I offend you and I’m sorry brother, I truly am. What can I do to amend things between us?"

Loki glances at you to see if he may talk now. At your nod he says, "Start by supporting your brother sometimes. I don't ask that you stand behind every argument between your friends and I but you never fail to support them, it seems. You can't please everybody Thor, and you can't stay neutral forever, at some point you have to realize that you have to pick a side and who's side."

Thor has lost to kicked puppy look but he now frowns and nods, staring at the floor with guilt. Loki's hand comes up, hesitates, then he places it on Thor's arm for a second and swiftly leaves.

When no one moves for a few seconds you clear your throat and they all go back to whatever they were doing before the argument escalated out of proportion, you included.

You realize you may have tiptoed the line of being fair with that last command so you let it rest for awhile, give Loki some space. He of course notices your avoidance because Tony had asked you what was up between you both, stating that the God had asked him if anything was bothering you. Usually Loki came to you with his concerns, not being the type of person to talk behind someone’s back. 

You sigh and tell Tony you’re fine, that you’ll talk to him. So you head out from Tony’s lab and search for Loki. He isn’t in the living room, kitchen, or even his own bedroom. You remember him once stating that he likes read on the roof sometimes, Tony had build Loki a garden up on the roof at one point since Loki clearly missed the garden from home, Asgard. A small gesture but a true turning point for both Tony and Loki’s relationship you think. 

Walking out on the roof you don’t see Loki in the garden so you murmur a few expletives and make your way back to the door when a voice calls out your name. You follow the sound and find Loki hidden on a corner of the roof, sitting on the edge of the building. 

Walking up behind him you ask, “Can we talk?”

“You’ve never asked before, don’t see why you’d start now.” Loki says, no contempt in his voice though, it’s just very...neutral. 

You force out a small laugh, hearing your own tenseness in it, “Ya, about that..”

You sit next to Loki letting your legs dangle over the ledge like Loki does now. His legs kick every once in awhile giving him an almost childlike appearance. 

“First off, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Loki looks at you.

“I was out of line the other day with you and Thor. Not just then I’ve been, well, commanding you to do things for me and that’s...it’s not...right?” You finish lamely, your face a big grimace but you look Loki in the eyes when you apologize.

“That’s why you’ve been avoiding me?” Loki says with mirth lingering in his words. 

“Well, ya, is there some other reason I should have?” You squint at him suspiciously.

“No.”

Loki looks at you with an innocent look on his face, which you know is pure bullshit, but you let it slide. Shaking your head with a smile you then look out across the open skyline below you. 

“Apology accepted.” Loki says after some time has past. Your shoulders, which had tensed involuntarily, now relax. 

You don’t react, well more like force yourself not to, when you feel Loki’s hand come to rest atop yours which had been supporting you on the ledge. Loki lets his hand rest there before he gets more confident and intertwines both of your fingers. You smile, finally looking at Loki who is already staring at you brazenly. 

“Kiss me.” 

“What?”

“Did I fucking stutter?”

Loki smirks then leans in, his left hand coming to cradle your head at your jaw and kisses you. At first softly, as if testing the waters, then begins to put more passion behind it as you lean into him. His tongue gently swipes across your bottom lip and you open your mouth to let him explore. 

If you thought this man had God like hands....

When you’re both breathless you part but keep your faces close together. Your eyes roam over his face, noting how young he looks right now, how vulnerable, and bite your lip. Loki’s eyes drop to your lips and uses a thumb to pull your lip from your teeth lest you bruise them more. “Don’t bite them, it is my job to bruise them.” Loki says breathlessly. 

Much later, when it’s dark out, you both come back into the tower and make your way to the living room. The first person you see is Natasha who, legit, smiles at the look of you two. Tony who notices Nat smiling looks where she’s looking and whistles at the two of you who decide to share a love seat. 

“Shut up.” You command the two of them. 

You were sure the both of you made a pretty funny picture. Your hair was most likely tousled, too much so to just be from the wind, and Loki’s lips were nearly purple with bruising so no doubt yours were any less. Not to mention the both of you were too incredibly happy, which ya you being happy is normal but it was almost an alarming amount of giddiness and Loki doesn’t normally show his emotions so openly like this. 

Tony smirks, raises a brow and points the remote at the TV. “Stranger Things?” 

You, very much flustered, clear your throat and say yes. 

[secretbangtnn]

Best Of Me| Two

Pairings : →ot7 x reader, poly!BTS x reader

Genre : → vampireau, yandere!au, age gap, gore, obsessive behavior, ddlg/caregiver, poly, fantasy, supernaturals

summary : It’s quite unusual to find a little baby on your doorstep, especially that their area was not of the poorest - you could say that a vampire town was efficient with money and snobby creatures. However over time the first idea of just giving back the little girl seems more and more radical and those moody vampires slowly start perceiving deeper feelings to human they even wanted to kill.

previous | next

notes ~ I did it!!! Omg im so happy I finished it, hopefully the next one are going to come sooner. The first chapters are going to be with a baby oc - im sorry if its boring, but after it we can start with the real plot, the things are gonna get dark. Hope that you will like it, and remeber to give me some feedback - im whore for a comments and ask and beside they motivate me very much

taglist :

@missseoulite @gukkculture @silscintilla @the-falling-star @apollonshootafar @mwitsmejk @lovinggalaxies @b-e-t-x-s-o @jisoosbitch @ariverflowsonthemoon @maboiisuga @peachescream1723 @sichajeon

Cries everywhere. Sobbing so loud that all the birds disappeared from their little birdhouse outside the window. And as funny the view was, a big ball of stress and nerves started collecting itself in the rather calm manor. Reason of all this mess was just one, so easy to notice.

“Jungkook!” Just like a ball of nerves now the big ball of dirty blankets and clothes hit the young vampire, making him stumble a little. Obvious disgust on his face with a piece of distaste on his tongue which just a second ago had been caused by the same thing he now fisted in his hands.

“You didn’t have to throw it at me!” Barked Jungkook staring at the broad shoulders of his oldest brother. Child now a little calmer, however still sobbing slightly, keeping the atmosphere at bay.

“You have brung the kid so you will hold the things he made. Be happy that I'm not forcing you to change the diaper instead.”

Disgust on all of their faces is now being something normal, having kids in the same room as them, definitely does not go well with hundred years old vampires. The only one without a gag reflex seems to be Seokjin, acting like a pro mother, just after her 3rd pregnancy with the next on the road. However all of them agreed with the statement that it was all but Jungkook's fault, which came with consequences for said boy.

Thus now sitting on the couch, five of the ramaing vampires, looked with a bored expression at the panicked and nearly vomiting jungkook. Youngest of them always had a soft stomach, never being the one to clean after disasters, forcing people to basically clean after him, and maybe that's why all of them felt such a satisfaction upon them while staring at the shitty situation.

Literally shitty.

Stumbling a little from the intense smell, Jungkook started to try getting rid of the used diaper in his hands, holding it with his fingers dingling it as far from his face as he could. Maybe the smelly object was not the only thing that should be named like a feces, knowing that a person who should just throw the diaper away, purposefully walked closer than intended to a couch with older vampires, stumbling not that accidentally and making the thing in his hand fly straight to a lap of a reading Namjoon.

A moment of silence, only lasting for a short second. Namjoon was never the one to shout or get mad, rather prefering to act calm and well put together, believing in a peace making and solutions not requiring usage of violence but when the heavy baggage on his lap suddenly started to warm his lap, he completely crushed his persona as well as book in his hands.

“Ups...hehe.” Jungkook laughed awkwardly, knowing well his fate. Doe eyes looked at the tall man, standing a little farther than him, just behind the couch. Jaw tightened so were the hands, keeping the last strings of calmness that were floating on very dangerous water.

“Listen, before you actually do something think of the time when you destroyed my ps4 and

I did not even complain.” Hands just before him similar to the way you would to with a wild animal, and in Jungkook's opinion, it was not that far from the truth, observing how Namjoons jaws nearly crushed from the tension.

“Okay okay, we all need to calm down, It was just an accident.” Cut in red head, standing in the middle of the war zone. It was stupid idea, definetly not the brightes of the sunny vampire, even if it came from the good intentions. Hoseok, just like an innocent child that got stuck in a big people argument, was the one that got hurt in the end.

And everybody knew that when Hoseok gets mad it's the extremity that anyone in this room is scared to experience once again. There is silent agreement between the rest of the brothers that was made after one of Hoseok's outburst, promising that no matter what the devil can’t come out.

The apple of discord laying now upon redhead’s feet, innocent like a little kitten that just waits to be petted, but in this case it wasn neither a fluffy ball of fur and definitely not something that should be touched.

Silence so loud, banging in their ears with an uneven breath. Second after second, rest that were not included in the middle, counted sitting on their heels with nerve wracking feelings.They stared as Hoseok’s shoulders rose and went down with each puff of air from his flared nostrils, neither of them dared to move, preferring to stay in a safe zone.

Just as red headed one wanted to take his first kill, a loud laugh echoed in a room, coming from a little child in Seokjin's arms, that probably just came back from being cleaned up. A fresh smile on its face, eyes sparkly looking straight at the scene.

“What are you doing, idiots?” Asked Seokjin, a visible vein on his forehead, sticking out under his free hand that now pinched a bridge of his nose. His eyes catching a glimpse of the used diaper, right on his favorite carpet. “You had one thing to do, one thing Jungkook.”

“It was an accident I swear on my ps4!” He tried explaining, shaking his arms. Seokjin saw to much lived too long to believe it, everybody knew it but even than they acted like bunch of idiots when something like this happen.

“Namjoon destroyed it, you said it yourself.” Spoke Jimin, sitting on a couch with a happy smile, pleased with himself. Younger's head immediately halted in his way, a look of betrayal on his face.

“You midge…”

“I don’t care, just clean it up, in the meantime me with the little snack are going to cook something, right my little cutie?” Cuted the older while caressing the child in his arms, turning his voice in a baby one. And just like this the scene came to the same point, the only difference was that neither Namjoon or Hoseok were in the room, probably running away as fast as Sekojins came.

Jungkook sighed, squatting down to take care of the said thing. Again the disgust and a feeling of nausea hitted him with a side giggles of his blonde haired brother.

Going into the kitchen he spotted the child that looked at him as soon as he appeared. Little smile and sweet laugh, making him soft and mushy for a while.

“I hope you know that you gave us a big problem with bringing a human child there.” Seokjin spoke, not looking from a cutting board, himself to immersed in said action

Jungkook knew, earlier thinking of it like a mere action, something that they can get rid of as fast as a lollipop wrapper. But it was not, and now looking at the kid, he realized how his careless behaviour could weigh down not only on his family but the whole society of vampires.

“I’m-”

“Don’t just apologize, we need to take care of it as fast as we can, in the meantime doing everything to not harm it. If someone finds out it’s going to be a bigger problem, probably even straining the relationship with human - and that’s something we do not want.” Cuted older, in the end turning around pointing the sharp knife on Jungkook.

It was true, the delicate stattlement between those two societies is still new, fresh and hot, ready to burn anyone's fingers, anyones who is to carless. The today is a better world, something that all of the brothers know, remembering dark times - some of them being not older than mere hatchling then. World was a dangerous place to live in, vampires hunting humans, humans hunting vampires, a competition that never got settled, and they hope it never will.

“Try feeding it and come to the living room after you are done. We will discuss the next actions - good luck.” A little wink at the end, Seokjin wiped his hands off on the way patting the younger's back, harder than normally.

“Wait what?! You are not being serious right now, right?” Asked confused Jungkook, fastly turning around to an already disappearing figure. Cold sweat on his body as he looked at the smooth face of the older, that defended a flying kiss to his shocked self. “Why can’t you do it?”

“I can. But the human seems to take a liking to you.” And how absurd it sounded, the baby really looked at Jungkook like some god, sparkly eyes always following his bigger figure.

“Seokjin! Don’t leave me please, I can’t do it.”He whined, looking for the said man, to his luck he was nowhere to be found. It was going to be alright - he tried to believe in those words now clutching baby spoon, that he was sure they did not have, and a mashed food, looking more like dog food than actual meal.

His Eyes staring right into the sparkly and to obnoxious happy, making him even more irritated. In the end, Jungkook hated little children, being and acting like one himself

Little hands stretching towards him with a toothless smile on the side, getting bigger as Jungkook came closer. That was it, taking a big breath he come to the other side of the table - almost touching the stool where the human sat. Ready and determined to get the task done, treating it similar to a quest in the game, he took the little spoon with some of the smashed food, and started to get closer to the child's mouth.

And as the brothers again started to live their normal life, thinking that at least for now, everything is settled, a very obvious squeal shook the while house.

“HYUNG!...IT WANTS TO TOUCH ME! GET IT AWAY, GET IT AWAY!”

___

All of them now sitting on the couches and armchairs, taking nearly all of the space. Some of the observing the crawling baby with prominent couriousty some of them with disgust even fear, not knowing what future the baby will bring.

Namjoon although feeling the little distaste, knew or better had a plan with what to do.

Smile on his lips not reaching his eyes, however stumbling on the way of eye contact with some of his brothers.

“Okay so, definitely we need to do something with...this.” Said Jimin, look on his face full of distress and disgust resting on the child, that as if it knew of Jimin’s attention looked back full of giggles and reaching hands.

“That is obvious, we can’t keep human child.” Barked Yoongi, the one which rather prefered to stay quiet in those metters.

“Jungkook should take care of it, It’s not my fault he is to stupid to not question a left human on a doorstep.” Smug smile now on Jimin's face, as he gave the side glance to the said male, happy with triggering the younger temper.

“As If you woul…”

“Okay we get it Jimin, it was Jungkook's fault, but still it can affect us all, so try to be at least a little bit helpful or shut up” Interrupted Seokjin staring at both of them in turn. The oldest obviously tired of all of the drama, massaging his scalp, to relieve the tension a little. “Let's start one by one, any ideas?”

Silence, a loud silence throwing the tension to the already burning fire. Seokjin's vein once again appeared on his forehead, making Jungkook nearly knock from a terrifying sight of it. It was pulsating, green and bumpy.

“Maybe let’s put it back?” Asked the quiet voice, Sekojin ready to snap at the stupid idea thinking that some of the youngers don’t know limit of the unfunny jokes, only to find innocent eyes of Hoseok.

“That’s … well that is AN option, thank you Hoseok - keep it up. Any other ideas?” Seokjin’s hands molded into a thump, giving the tired smile to Hoseok, knowing of his still busing nerves.

“Why are we even trying so hard, throw it away i say.” Jimin mumbled while staring at the little child going his way, quickly putting his feet on the couch, scared of a chance of being touched by the human.

Tired sight left mouth of the olders, his vein fading a little - to Jungkook luck, and his hands now clenching his blonde lock. He was helpless, disappointed in his brother's ideas and intelligence. He was sure that, that was indeed an end, his family will be arrested for keeping human, and vampires are going to lose a peace they fighted for.

Everything because Jungkook wanted to take unfamiliar child to their house.

“What about the orphanage that opened like one month ago, can’t we just leave it there?” Cuted Namjoon, making everyone snap their head. Seokjin nearly crying, wanting to kiss his brother as much as choke him for his slow process of thinking.

“Couldn’t you say earlier?!

[yesimwriting]

Falling Angels: chapter two

A/n took me longer to get around to writing part 2 than i thought!! i didn’t know there was an audience for this idea but im glad you guys liked it!!

Im adding a country to the grishaverse to make my story work,, def not a big deal i just needed a country in which i could control the history of without worrying about conflicting with cannon lol 

Link to part one: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/yesimwriting/652318577650696192 (lmk if this works ive never linked something to a tumblr post lol)

Series Summary: Y/n is a rising star in the most famous circus in Ketterdam because of her ability to see the future. Unfortunately for her, Kaz Brekker knows more of her backstory than he should, and he’s willing to use that to his advantage. The one thing he’s not betting on? That he doesn’t know her entire story

Chapter summary: Y/n gets a visitor before getting tricked into the most dangerous show of her life. 

Pairng: SOC x reader, Kaz Brekker x sunshine-y! Psychic! Reader 

--

My father seemed to love me more after two glasses of something amber. It was after these two glasses that he would tell me realities his inebriated self believed I needed to internalize. He’d pat my head affectionately and smiled at me as he told me that the world was a bad place. Most of his lessons are lost in my mind, but the one I remember most clearly is that there’s no such thing as a kept secret. There’s always a leak or a flaw or a factor you could not account for. He told me that if I wanted to keep a secret, I would have to decide what I was willing to risk for it. 

I know from Seria’s reaction to his presence that listening to Kaz is a risk, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take for my secret. “I don’t know what you think I am, but you’re mistaken.” It doesn’t really matter that he believes me. I have the paperwork I need to disprove him. “I have to get to my tent.” 

“The princess gets her own tent?” His words are saturated by mock casualness but I can feel his pride on how he delivered that line. 

My body is still tense from balancing over flames and his confidence only adds to my desire to unravel. I can’t get angry here. Not at him. Not with the way he grips that cane of his. “I don’t understand what--” 

“You may be able to play pretend here where no one wants to look twice at you, but I know what you are.” His stiffness leaves my skin prickling. “I know who you are.” 

I swallow back my panic. “Then who am I?” 

“You’re that king’s bastard--the one with a high bounty on her head.” Don’t back down. Even the smallest crack will confirm his story. “As long as she’s returned alive.” 

Thoughts of what my father would do to me if ever given the chance strike me with more anxiety than his presence does. “I’ve heard of the girl you’re talking about,” I admit, the lie leaving me as easily as the air leaves my lungs when I exhale. “But I’m not her.” 

“You’re not from Ketterdam, if you were you would have known who I was after you friend referred to me as Dirtyhands.” I have no defense, but I never claimed to be from Ketterdam. “You make your business claiming to be a psychic.” I am a psychic, but now is not the time to make that argument. “Elkosa is a relatively small and self efficient port kingdom, the island is nothing more than a jagged coastline barely larger than Ketterdam, but I have connections in all places.” He knows someone from Elkosa? I have to fight the instinct to move all of my weight on the balls of my feet, prepared to run. “A captain of the royal fleet told me the story of the night the King’s bastard ran into the meeting room the night before ten ships were meant to sail to Ravka.” 

He studies my reaction as I struggle to keep my expression blank. “None of that seems connected.” 

“Patience is a virtue most Saints are familiar with.” I roll my eyes. “The bastard couldn’t have been more than nine at the time, but the guards did not want to let her in. The King told them to let her interrupt. The sailor noted this because he had never made an exception to his meeting before. The girl described a nightmare to her father, a nightmare of a storm and ten dead birds. The king did not comfort her, she finished her story by saying that he asked to know about all of her dreams. She went back upstairs and the King continued the meeting as normal but the next day the King cancelled the trip.”

I remember that night as the night I realized that if I’m not careful, I’ll feel what I see in my visions. It felt like I was drowning. I felt the death of each of those men and instead of comforting me, my father nodded once like I had offered him advice and sent me back to my room. “And?” My defense is weak, my mind too lost in the memories of drowning. “Many smaller countries are superstitious.” 

“The next day the worst storm to have impacted that ocean occurred. For four nights and three days the storm continued.” 

I press my nails into my palms. “You don’t believe that I am precognitive, so that sailor’s unverified story has nothing to do with me.” 

“A princess that can see the future disappears at the same time a failing circus hires a girl who has no business in this city who claims to be able to see the future.” He adjusts his stance, taking pressure off the cane as if he’s preparing to need to use it for something else. “I am not fool enough to believe in coincidence.” 

“And I am not fool enough to crack beneath the vague threats of a man. In my experience, men always threaten with a blade when really all they’re in possession of is a butter knife. Try to drag me from here kicking and screaming, find a way to incapacitate me and put me on a ship to Elkosa, but when the King sees that you brought him a stranger he will have your head.” 

He blinks, expression hard as stone. I tense, preparing for a physical blow. “I didn’t expect you to be a half-decent liar, but I should have.” I bite my tongue to avoid resorting to something I can’t take back. Like begging. “Even if it’s in only half your blood.” 

“I am not her.” My stubbornness burns more than the need to survive. I inhale, hoping to shake the grasp of the sensation but it only worsens. The pinch of dread in my chest is heavy and familiar. A vision. 

No. Not now--not in front of him. I push against it even though I know that only makes it worse. Not now. Not now. I should be grounding myself but all I can think about is how stupid I am and how bad this situation is.

--

“I’m not an idiot, I know to be quiet. I see myself crouched somewhere dark. 

“Being defensive doesn’t make you any more intelligent.” It takes me a minute to recognize Kaz in the darkness. 

We’re somewhere small, our backs against the same wall but our shoulders do not touch. This vision is enshrouded by the feel of panic. 

This other me grimaces, but her eyes lack anger, “Remind me why I agreed to help you again?” 

“You never told me why,” he admits, “you can change your mind on participating and I can change my mind on whether or not you're more useful than your father’s money.”

Something loud crashes from behind the door we’re both staring at. “You’ll have no use for me or my father’s money if we die here.” I squeeze my hands together. 

He hesitates, “My ghost will.” 

The future-me almost smiles. “I wonder if I’ll be able to see ghost futures.” I hesitate, something strange behind my eyes. “I wonder if that can exist, if there’s a future beyond endings.” 

Future-Kaz is silent for a long second. “There should be,” he says, “for someone like you, at least.” 

I watch the way I take in his words. “You’d be there, too,” my voice is low, “your ghost at least.” I turn my head, staring at the door instead of him, “If you weren’t, I’d miss the brooding.” 

--

The vision leaves me with sweaty palms and swirling thoughts. All of my visions do that. Not all of them make me feel so confused. Apparently, he needs help and I agree to do so. At one point we’ll be pushed into a life or death situation and I won’t loathe him. 

I blink twice, forcing myself to hold onto the reality in front of me. I don’t have to agree--the future isn’t set in stone. For all I know tomorrow morning I’ll have a vision in which he kills me. 

“Are you ignoring me?” 

Shaking my head, I turn to face him. “You need help.” I don’t wait for his reaction. “You’re not here to return someone to the King of Elkosa, you’re here because you need someone that can see the future.” 

“I--” 

“It’s not that you won’t take me to Elkosa, it’s that you’d rather use my abilities for something.”

I’m confusing him again, but that’s okay. I’d rather deal with him confused than angry. “I need to know how a certain business deal of mine is going to be worth what it costs.”

He’s spent the entire time claiming he doesn’t believe in my power. Was that some kind of tactic? In the vision I saw, despite the panic surrounding the situation I didn’t feel panicked around him. The probability of that future occurring is probably low. I’ve been wrong before, the future changes too much for me to know everything. 

“That’s not how readings work,” I admit, “I don’t have that much control on them. Most of them come to me randomly. The events I see always involve me or someone I care about to a certain capacity. I can give someone a general glimpse into their future but I can’t promise I’ll see what they want. Sometimes I can see the general vision by just focusing on their energy but usually I need some physical contact for it to work.” That seems like a fair explanation. “Oh--and not all of my predictions come true, most are blurry, few are solid--the future is always moving.” 

Wait...the vision I saw where I was with Kaz wasn’t blurry. Those can be wrong, but it’s much rarer. Do I really agree to this? 

“Then maybe I should make it involve you.” His aggression has me forcing myself to stand my ground. He can threaten me all he wants but that won’t change things. “Or take the money your father would give me and cut my losses.” 

Every time I’ve purposefully destroyed a solid vision, something bad has happened. I’m genuinely considering it. “What do you need a psychic for, anyways?” 

“To get through the Fold.” 

Despite everything, I laugh. “I’ve never seen anyone get through the Fold, literally or in my visions.” 

He’s unphased by my doubt. “It’s happened.” 

I really don’t want to help him. “Well then good luck, I’m happy to part ways here.” 

I manage one step forward before he moves his cane in front of my path. I’m getting tired of this. “You’re assisting me one way or the other, whether that aid will be financial or through your services is up to you.” 

Anger pinches in my stomach the way it often does when I’m told what to do. The one thing centering me is the vision still reflecting in my thoughts. There’s no denying it--I had felt comfortable with him. There is a future in which I feel comfortable with him and I’m not sure I’ll be able to avoid it. 

“I won’t get in trouble for you,” I tell him, “The Ringmaster holds onto those indentured to him, especially the commodities that bring him profit.” 

There’s something stiff about his silence. I wonder if he’s always like this, pushing the weight of his presence onto those around him without saying a word. “When I have a goal, it is achieved. I’ll speak to him.” 

I cannot imagine a conversation I want to be involved in less. The Ringmaster and this man that Seria had labeled ‘Dirtyhands’. “I just had a vision--I saw your entire conversation and it ends with you missing an arm.” His stoic expression does not shift. “Okay, I’m aware that it wasn’t the funniest joke, but throw me a bone--you threatened to kidnap me and sell me to my father in order to extort me and I’ve been nothing but polite to you.” 

He’s quiet for a moment, something in his expression changing in a way I can’t read. “All you’ve done is lie since the moment you started to speak to me.” 

The optimist in me would like to think that his annoyance counts for banter. I shrug, feeling a little lighter than I did a second ago. I’m certainly not comfortable but I’m starting to see how to put up with the tension without letting it strain me. “Well, polite for my standards.” 

I let him brood. “You must have done well as a royal.” 

My past cuts through the peace I managed to grab onto. It’s not his fault, he has no way of knowing what the castle was like for me. I open my mouth, but I don’t know what I’m going to say. “I had my moments,” I finally settle on, hoping the echo of pain isn’t visible behind my eyes. 

I guess it doesn’t matter if he sees me bleed. He’s heartless, and I hate sympathy. 

“Y/n,” Seria’s voice is genuine anger, “You’ve turned into an idiot--first the tightrope walk and now entertaining whatever deal he’s trying to coax from you.” I love Seria, she’s the reason I didn’t die in the street when I first arrived in Ketterdam, but she sees me as a mindless child. “Whatever he told you, whatever he promised you--it’s a lie.” 

“He hasn’t promised me anything.” I need to calm her down. Once she’s calm, everything will be normal again. “And he knows.” I don’t have to turn to feel the way Seria gapes at me. “He knows who I am, so I have to do what he wants.” 

“You never have to do anything a man is forcing onto you, y/n. We’ll find a way--” 

“Seria, it’s fine,” I reach to touch her arm, “I’ll be fine, you can’t protect me from everything and you don’t have to.” 

Kaz throws a pointed glare at the man who was with him earlier. When did the stranger get here? “Boss, she’s faster than she looked, but I have what we need to get the girl--” 

“You’re late,” Kaz sighs, bored, “she’s agreed.” 

Wait--what was he going to do if I didn’t agree? “Out of curiosity, what are you talking about?” The man blinks twice, squeezing a rag between his ring-clad fingers. “You were going to use chloroform to kidnap me, weren’t you?” 

For some reason I don’t understand, the stranger gives me a look that’s a cross between sheepish and charming. “Nothing personal.” 

“Or original.” 

Seria pinches my arm. “Y/n,” she scolds, “your sense of humor is going to kill me one of these days.” 

I cringe, pulling my arm away. “When I met you, you were pickpocketing in the pleasure district, please remember that.” 

She rolls her eyes. “An attitude like that is going to leave you without a place to sleep at night.” 

I take her comment for the empty threat it is. Every other day she’s threatening to kick me out of her private trailer so that I’m forced to fight for cots or speak to the Ringmaster about my lodging arrangements. He’d give me what I want, but speaking to him feels so slimy I’d sleep in the woods before trying it. 

“Kaz.” I turn my head in time to see the girl that gave me the advice about the tightrope walker. “We need to go, he’s coming soon--you’ll do better to speak to him in the morning after she’s gone, that way he has nothing to hold over your head.” 

“Once I’m gone?” The girl had called me a Saint. I can appeal to her. “I’m not--I’m not going anywhere, I said I’d help.” 

Her eyes widen, sympathy reflected clearly in her dark irises. “There was never a version of this in which you ended up staying here.” I hear a hint of apology in her voice. “You won’t believe me, but I promise this will be better for you.” All of her pity is gone with those, replaced by something hard.

Seria responds for me, “I think you should go.” 

“What?” 

She almost smiles, but her eyes are painfully sad. “I never wanted you to be here forever. I don’t trust these people, but I trust their ability to get you out of here, even if only for a little while. Bad things are coming, and I think you’ll miss the worst of it if you go now.” 

What she alludes to is a blade in my heart. “You want me to leave you here to deal with it?” 

“Y/n, I’ve been hurt here more times than I can count--”

“No, I won’t leave y--” 

Seria squeezes my shoulder, “It’s not forever.” When she wants something, it’s almost impossible to get around it. “Besides, if I need you, you’ll see it.” 

My world feels to have lost the vibrance of color. I’ve left so much, but I let myself believe I wouldn’t leave her. I pull her into the hug. “The moment I see a vision of you in any type of danger, I’m coming back.” I hug her even tighter when she tries to pull away so that I can whisper something in her ear, “I’ll use this opportunity to leave the Ringmaster and then I’ll get you out, and together we’ll leave Ketterdam. We’ll find your child, like you always wanted to and they’ll know that they're lucky because they��re the only kid in the world to have you as a mother.” 

She squeezes me so tightly I find it hard to take full breaths. “Two,” Seria whispers, “I have two children.”

My eyes burn as her words find their way into my heart. “I love you, Seria.” 

“I love you too, my star,” she pulls away enough so that I can look her in the eye, “you don’t like being called a Saint, but I can’t think of anyone more deserving of the title.” 

Tears prick my eyes as she releases me. “I’ll find you.” 

“He’ll be coming soon,” the girl warns, “He spoke to an advisor about wanting to find you after the show.” 

No doubt to praise the fire stunt he forced onto me. Bastard. I nod once but I don’t move. I can’t bring myself to leave Seria until the girl places a hand on my elbow. 

--

Falling Angels Taglist: @glowstick-lesbian @cashlum @whatiswrongwithpeople @pass-me-jeez-it @thecraziestcrayon

[heyitsyn]

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 6

a/n: DKFJSLDKFSJ OMG YOU GUYS IVE LTR BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS FOR SO LONG AACCKKK!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also, omg im screeching bc BAHAHAHA THERE IS GOING TO BE A SLIGHT PLOT TWIST YOU GUYS!!!!!

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

- Ever since yn got lost during a trip to another school, the team made the rule that she has to hold one of their hands. Its probably so small compared against the boys. She got lost cause babie saw a cat

SKDLFJLSDKFJ EWWWWWWWW IM SCREECHING IN DISGUST RIGHT NOW LIKE THATS SO DIS COS TANG OIKAWA TOORU LIKE LEAVE MY GUY ALONE!!!!!!! #LETMAKKILIVE

lmao yep this is really happening

okay so anyways

you guys know how seijoh is like known around the prefecture right?

and we all know that nekomata and old ukai are like besties so they were talking over the phone right

and nekomata was complaining that his players were already fed up with playing against the same people and they wanted to be challenged and wanted new exposure to other players and all that jazz

old ukai was cackling at the other side bc haha youre actually begging me to find you new teams now?

but anyways

theyre like besties forever so ofc old ukai would help

and by help, he turned to poor zaddy keishin and told him to look for teams that could be sent up to tokyo and play against nekoma

‘what?! im already busy and i dont have time to scout-’

‘YOU WATCH YOUR TONGUE BOY! I CREATED YOUR FATHER AND WITHOUT HIM, YOU WOULDNT BE HERE TODAY!’

‘BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I WANTED TO BE ALIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!’

family goals 😍😍😍

but keishin still listened to his grandfather and recommended seijoh as being the one to go as they are one of the hardest to beat opponents in the preferecture

but its more like he wants to hear about nekoma being destroyed by oikawa’s service aces and grovel at their feet since naoi always made fun of them saying country boys arent as good as city boys

LIKE PLEASE

anyways!!!!!!

nekomata got word of it and immediately phoned aoba johsai and talked to the coach 

‘yes, i heard from an old friend of mine that you are quite strong’

nekomata praised, wanting and desperate to have them come up

‘and do you think your team is good enough to beat us?’

LMAO YESSSS GRANDPA IRIHATA!!! DRAG THEM KITTIES!!!!

WAIT NO THAT SOUNDS WRONG

but they settled on their disagreements and decided yep they were going to go up there and have a practice match

however

irihata and nekomata wanted their boys to be kept in the dark about who this team is as knowing them, they have sources to find them tapes of old plays

they wanted it to be a fair match

even the managers were being kept from it as they could easily be influenced by the players for that information

irihata walked into the gym and announced a team meeting to which they stopped

you sat down next to kyotani, who pulled you beside him and wrapped a protective arm around your waist

‘we have a practice match against a prominent team up in tokyo in 3 days. make sure you have your plays right and pat down as they are known to be quite an opponent’

the boys shouted a determined cheer and they all hussled back to practice

you were running around, tending to everyone with towels or medical tape

once you finally sat back down on the bench, you noticed your phone screen light up, indicating someone sent you a message

it was natsu

you swiped open and smiled softly at his picture

it a selfie of him in front of his school as you told him to send you a picture that he arrived safely

‘got here in one piece since im not ready to meet daddy satan yet’

i hate him you guys

after receiving news of his mother gaining custody of him, he cheered and was able to go back to tokyo without his father in the picture

lets just say,,, hes not nice

anyways

you were sad to let him go but you understood he missed his friends and his almost-boyfriend so you were able to say goodbye easily at the station

‘gross but im pretty sure katsuki would blow satan to smithereens’

‘hehe ;) he would��

‘N A S T Y’

you cringed but giggled and the team noticed so they tried hard to gain your attention back on them

‘aaa!!!!! y/n-chan!!! my leg!!!!’

‘i think i chopped off my finger!!!!’

‘my head snapped off my body!!!!!’

you rolled your eyes and placed your phone down before walking over to mattsun to help him snap his head back on his neck

finally, it was the day of the match

you were arranged to stay the night at tokyo to have a few practice matches with this unknown team

the team was arranged to meet at the train station at 9:45 since the train leaves at 10 

you arrived the earliest to keep track of everyone and just because you were actually kinda excited

theres this weird feeling in your stomach that isn’t exactly bad but its,,, giddy

you sat on the bench, waiting for the team 

they all started arriving one by one and you were doing a headcount for everyone but you were missing one

you checked your phone and you noticed he was getting late

it was already 9:54

you hate it when people are late to meeting time so you were slightly irritated

you dialed up your captain’s number and you stood up, pacing around

‘hello~~~~ y/n-cha-’

‘oikawa-san! do you know what time it is?! you were arranged to come here at specifically 9:45 but its 14 minutes passed that so where the hell are you? you better have a good excuse you piece of-’

‘aww y/n-chan oikawa-san is sorry’

someone whispered in your ear from behind and you flinched, surprised at the sudden person

oikawa wrapped an arm around your waist while his other hung up the call and you turned around, arms crossed while pouting at him

‘sorrysorrysorry!’

he apologized and you rolled your eyes

‘i swear, oikawa-san. if i find out it was because of your hair again-’

‘oi shittykawa! your sister just called me and you left the curling iron on, you stupid bastard!’

iwaizumi’s shout made oikawa sweat and pale 

your eyes glinted dangerously 

‘this is the last straw, oikawa-san’

you growled and he shot down to his knees and was about to start praying to you when the coach decided he had enough entertainment for the day and called everyone to gather around

‘heres your tickets. this train will get us there around lunch time so dont worry about getting hungry’

the shinkansen train had 2-person seating so everyone fought secretly amongst each other to sit next to you

literally, their private group chat was blowing up until early this morning at the shouts and yells of everyone caps locking their arguments as to why they deserve to sit next to you

the only one who didnt was mattsukawa issei

bc quite frankly, he didnt care who he sat next to and although it sounds nice to be next to you, he isnt exactly the comfiest to sleep on due to the obvious size difference

lmao like your head probably wouldnt reach his shoulders bruh

now youre not oblivious

or blind

so you noticed the glares of everyone as you all stood for the train to come

and you also noticed mattsun just standing there, bored, so you sneaked over to him, wrapping your arms around him

‘arent you excited, mattsun-san?’

he gasped quietly at your sudden appearance but he smirked

‘its nothing special. just another team that we’re going to beat’

you giggled at his confidence and you walked in front of him so you could properly be held by him

it was practically second nature now by the way he just opened his arms and you crashed into them, his own wrapping around your shoulders to hold you tight

‘i love your confidence so much mattsun-san’

he flushed red and furrowed his eyebrows, head turning to the side to hide the obvious effect you had on him

‘whats the point of playing when you cant be confident’

‘aaaa why are you looking away mattsun-san!!!’

lmao when the team saw you sitting next to mattsun, they all felt so betrayed like bruh

ltr kyo and iwa were about to go feral

oikawa was like ready to screech his ass off but one look from you made him shut up

‘i sincerely, really, truly hope youre just complaining about the seat hurting your flat ass, oikawa-san’

KDFJLSDKFJSDL Y/N NO STOP IT

it was kinda funny actually bc everyone was all pouting and sulky while you just have mattsun who’s smirking like ‘beat that’

SDKFJLSDKF I LOVE MATTSUN’S SMIRK LIKE PLEASE OMG

ofc he let you sit at the window bc you love window seats

like iwa, he also pulls up the arm barrier thingy and you shuffle closer to him and mattsun practically combusts

the ride isnt expected to be very long but you still found yourself sleeping during it

mattsun has his arm around your shoulder while your head is leaning against his peck man boobie 

omg its so cute like he actually slides lower on the seat to help you reach his shoulder and hes slouching and back is hurting just for you

;’)

he was awake the whole time bc he couldnt sleep with his heart beating so hard it might rip out of his chest

ew thats kinda gorey

your hand was gripping his own and to pass time, he found himself fiddling with your fingers 

an unknown smile appeared on his face at the obvious size difference between yours and his

a finger traced different and foreign shapes just to feel the softness of your hand and he combusts again when you unconsciously squeeze his hand

mattsun couldnt help but bring your linked hands up and kiss the back of yours

it was soft, gentle, and his lips lingered there for more than a second

then a sudden feeling of fatigue washed over him and he leaned his cheek against the top of your head 

the last thing he remembers is the smell of your f/s (favorite smell) shampoo

then you guys arrived in tokyo

irihata had to personally wake you all up because even naoi fell asleep and everyone fell asleep

irihata gently shook mattsun awake and when the boy opened his eyes, the older man nodded over to your form

‘gently wake her up’

as if mattsun didnt already know

thats why he softly ran the pad of his thumb on your cheek that was exposed to the air

‘y/n~~’

he coos and your nose twitches, in between the border of dreams and reality

‘darling, wake up, baby bear’

FSDKLFJSDLKSDJKFJDSKLFJSDLFKSJDLF YOU GUYS I CANNNNTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also im listening to kataomoi by aimer  so that kinda influences the ‘darling

his deep voice that surprisingly reaches a level of quietness made your eyes flutter

your whole face scrunched at suddenly being woken up but the sight of mattsun’s genuine smile made you mirror it and cuddle closer for an extra dose of warmth

‘hmm, is my baby tired?’

he teasingly whispers and you nodded, snuggling even further and he gently cups your face

his hold had made your cheeks squeeze slightly together and your pout increased the cute factor 

‘nwoooo dont skweeze demmm’

you slurred and he chuckled

‘hai hai’

‘kwiss it better’

you demanded and he full on laughed before moving his hands to your jaws so he could plant many kisses on your cheeks

the repeated kisses tickled so you giggled and squirmed

‘aaaaaa mattsun-san it tickles!!!’

your playful protests forced him to stop and allow you to actually sit up

as usual, your hair was a bird’s nest and mattsun attempted to settle it out

‘hah, y/n-chan your hair is like another being itself’

he choked out and you pouted at him

‘so mean! mattsun-san is so mean! baba-san! rescue me!!’

yahaba was known in the team to be the one who fixed your hair and you trusted him the most with it

hearing his name being called, the pretty boy dashed towards you and mattsun’s seats

‘is senpai giving you trouble again? come, honey, come to baba-san’

mattsun gave him a look for the younger’s passive agressive tone

oikawa immediately dashed over right next to yahaba

‘oh? y/n-chan! oikawa-san is here!!’

iwa and kyo growled

‘SHUT UP SHITTYKAWA!’

meanwhile irihata and naoi were just done

they just wanted to get off the train like is that such a big favor?

finally!!!!

seijoh was able to actually make it to the city and ngl, despite living in sendai, you were actually overwhelmed by the bustling city of tokyo

there were people all over the place and many cars and you were being pushed around

it didnt help that it was ltr lunch hour and a flurry of business people just flooded out of their buildings

you unconsciously gripped your bag and focused on just not tripping over people so your eyes were trained on your feet 

then in the corner of your eye, you saw a tiny animal that was in danger of being stepped on so you ofc had to go chase after it

you shouted at some people to watch out and to not step on it

but then it disappeared

the moment you looked up, everyone was gone

you panicked and your head was turning from side to side

‘MATTSUN-SAN?! IWA-SAN?! KYO-SAN?!’

you shouted but it seems your voice wasnt loud enough

GIRL YOU GOTTA MANIFEST THAT BULLHORN VOICE

worry and dread bubbled inside of you but you stopped, just trying to calm down and think

then you saw the flash of white again so you hurriedly ran after it, not knowing that you were straying away from the city and towards the suburbs

you noticed you were now lost at the less amount of feet walking and this wasnt the city and you were now away from the team

taking yoru eyes off of the cat, you looked around to confirm your fear and that gave the cat an opportunity to disappear again

yoo crookshanks

huffing a curse, you pulled your phone out of your bag and dialed each 

your phone wasnt reaching the boys and no one was picking up

what the heck

you ended up at some quieter and less crowded spot 

like a neighborhood

you contemplated calling natsu as he lived in tokyo but tokyo was a big city and you were at some neighborhood so its highly unlikely he would know where you are

so you just walked around, looking for a place to sit and think like a park

then you heard a distressed meow

you were just walking and hearing that loud cry of help made you stop and immediately follow the sound

‘kitty? kitty?’

you called out even though you knew fully well they didnt understand you

but the cat cried even louder and you heard another cat

it was less higher pitched and honestly, you just felt like there was another cat

as you looked around, you saw the same cat you followed after and it bobbed its head at you as if asking you to follow him

‘you want me to go with you?’

the cat blinked then turned around and started walking

‘okay then’

you took the time to inspect the actual color of the cat

it was dominantly white furred but it had multiple colored spots, mainly yellow and brown

you eventually ended up at a large tree with a cat shivering on the biggest branch

it was black and had some fur sticking out at the top of its head and it looked young so its probably a kitten

you tutted and reached out your hand but it recoiled, hissing at you

BOI SHE TRYING TO HELP YOU WHAT

‘hey, i want to help you’

you softly said and maybe youre just doctor dolittle? 

bc it stopped hissing and started whining instead

‘kenma-san! i swear i saw it just now-’

a sudden foreign voice made the black haired cat hiss again and this time, even you were counted as a threat

the appearance by the corner of two boys made you glare at them

one was freakishly tall with grey hair and scary green eyes while the other was shorter and had bleached hair that grew out

they both wore running shorts and black shirts and they looked like they were on a run or something

then you had a thought

this guy was tall

he could help

‘hey! you!’

you waved and the boys stopped, eyes wide

they pointed to themselves and you nodded

‘yes, silly! especially the tall one!’

the other had a flash of a glare that disappeared almost immediately but the ‘tall one’ happily skipped over

‘oho, hello chibi-chan’

KDFJSLDFKSDJLFDKSJ YES IM CONDENSCENDING

you puffed your cheeks out in anger at the nickname but this was not the time

‘that kitty up there is stuck. and i cant help it because its scared. and its all the way up there’

you pointed and he nodded

‘i followed that cat here too but i needed someone else. thats why i brought kenma-san’

your eyes shifted to ‘kenma-san’ who was focused on the other cat who also stared back at his spot by the tree

hmmm, they look kinda similar

‘well! we need to help it,,,,,, grandpa-san!’

taken aback by the nickname, the tall guy gasped while the blonde boy choked out a sudden laugh and you giggled

‘GRANDPA?!’

‘yea. you know cus you have gray hair’

you reasoned and he was about to retort when he stopped himself

‘no. we have more important matters in hand. kenma-san, come stand on my shoulders. chibi, use my jacket to catch it if it falls’

you scrambled to do your task but you heard kenma-san mumble

‘you cant tell me what to do’

‘oh hey! whats your name?’

you asked and the tall guy waved

‘im lev. haiba lev. first year’

‘kozume,,, kenma. im a second year’

‘oh! then nice to meet you! im l/n y/n!’

introductions had to be cut short as you all assembled

kenma wobbled while lev cringed at the obvious pain but they gritted their teeth and kenma lunged to grab the cat 

but the cat jumped away, falling to the ground where it was caught safely by you

thankfully the jacket saved you from scratching but after a few soft whispers of reassurance, the kitty calmed down and it resulted in just shaking

‘its okay. we’re okay. i got you’

you were completely oblivious to the fact that kenma and lev were on the ground, bleeding after falling, or the shout at the distance

‘kenma! lev!’

‘Y/N-CHAN!’

you three turned to see two groups of boys coming from two directions

on the right had a guy with black hair similar looking to the cat on your arms 

while the left had your familiar looking captain

‘oikawa-san!’

you shouted and he ran up, eyes wide with worry

‘where were you?! why did you run off?! you shouldn’t-’

he rambled but your eyes stopped at the appearance of your familiar pink-haired cousin

‘natsu?!’

you shrieked and he had an equally surprised expression

‘y/n?!’

he shouted 

‘what-!’

he started but you beat him to it

‘why are you here?!’

you pointed to the people behind him

‘im,,, a manager. im a manager for my volleyball team’

‘volleyball,,,’

you trailed off

‘VOLLEYBALL?! NEKOMA?!’

you knew of your cousin’s school but you didnt think you guys would meet here

‘shes your cousin?’

someone piped up from the back and natsu nodded, still looking at you

‘oya? the apple doesnt fall far from the tree, then. hello gorgeous, the names kuroo tetsurou’

KSLDFJDSK I HATE THIS LIKE PLEASE HES JUST A NERD YET I WRITE HIM LIKE THIS I HATE MYSELF

‘HAH?! YOU BACK OFF!’

kyotani started but you caught him in time, holding him in your arms

‘nooo,, calm down, kyo-san’

natsu’s nose crinkled and his mouth curled

‘ugh, nice to see you too, brat’

‘BRAT?! YOU BASTARD!’

‘IM A THIRD YEAR, YOU BASTARD!’

kyotani was held back by oikawa and iwa while your cousin was with that kuroo guy and lev

you hurried back to the rest of the team and they each glared at you but they had an obvious expression of relief

‘do that again y/n-’

‘i know, makki-san. youll use a leash backpack’

lets just say its not,,, the first time youve been lost

‘new team rule. youre holding someone’s hand at all times. no matter what, always hold us’

yahaba scolded and watari nodded

meanwhile, mattsun grabbed your hand and gripped it tight

‘youre never leaving my sight again’

his tone was different from his usual playful and teasing voice 

you knew he was very worried and that made you feel really guilty

‘im sorry’

you whispered and he pulled you to him, hugging you tightly

‘its okay. youre here right now and thats all that matters’

you nodded and you turned your head, leaning on his chest to watch oikawa yelling and shouting at this kuroo guy while your cousin and kyo were arguing and you chuckled

this was,,, chaos

‘dear god, you shouldve let me be lost for a few more hours’

you mumbled, smiling lightly when mattsun’s chest vibrated as he laughed

‘take me with you next time’

‘i will’

you hummed

‘Y/N-CHAN! YOU ARE NOT GOING NEAR THIS-THIS MONGREL!’

oikawa screeched, stomping his way over to you

you smirked

‘oi kuroo-san! lets hang out after the match!’

oikawa screamed

a/n: now that my nekoma manager is out, i can finally have a manager x manager interaction and uwuwuwuwu just wait until i finish the others and ill do that req anon sent in ;) if you sent it in, you know what im talking about ;)

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

[fairycosmos]

hey, i have a sister who struggles with addiction. she moved out from our parents to my place when she turned 18, so that she could have some space and that her highs and lows wouldnt affect our younger siblings that much. but shes been going through a hard time for quite long now, which causes her to treat us around her like complete shit. her behaviour led into a pretty bad argument, which led to me driving her to our parents in the middle of the night cause i couldnt mentally or physically handle the shit she was giving me anymore. after that night, she never returned to mine and told our parents to pick her stuff and move it into a new apartment that she got for herself (which locates in the same building as her friends who she uses substances with). she hasnt reached out to me at all, even though we have been around each other and i cant bare to approach her either, cause im still upset and hurt. my mom said that shes already prepared to lose her. i heard from her friends that shes told them that if she goes unconscious, theyre not allowed to call the ambulance or try to help her. i am worried sick to my stomach everytime i think about her and i feel so powerless. my parents just say that theres nothing more we can do, she goes to psychotherapy and shes under the social services but still i feel like we should do something more to help her or to stop her from destroying herself. im so sorry if this message makes you feel uncomfortable, but since ive followed you for quite awhile and i know your experiences with these things, i would appreciate if you could help me with this situation or at least try to give me some advice, how to cope with these feelings that come from loving your sister that struggles. i dont want to lose her.

hey, i am so sorry to hear this. there's a lot i could say and a lot i want to say but can't really articulate. i don't think there's any one size fits all advice for such a complex and heartbreaking situation. i guess i'll begin with what i'm sure of, and that is that your boundaries and feelings are justified. addiction literally rewires your brain and perception of the world beyond recognition, to the point where the only thing the person cares about is their vice. it's just total tunnel vision, selfishness denial and violence on top of selfishness denial and violence. being around ppl like that, especially a loved one, is beyond exhausting, it's its own special kind of hell. like screaming at a brick wall. it's totally understandable that you had to take a step back after falling victim to her erratic, manipulative and abusive behaviour. the drug use explains it but it absolutely does not excuse it. you're really brave for putting your foot down and prioritizing your own mental stability when it all got to be too much. know you never have to regret that. having said that, it's possible for two conflicting feelings to coexist and for them both to be (for lack of a better word) valid. she's your sister - of course you're worried, of course you're terrified for her. of course you love her even while feeling like you hate her, at times. it's alright to let your emotions be illogical, to just weather the storm and let them pass through you. write it down, talk to your loved ones, maybe consider speaking to a therapist or hotline over it. it's perfectly normal to need that support and talking through your circumstances may be illuminating/lead to some personal revelations regarding how you want to approach this. ultimately, you're angry because you care. after a while i was like that too, with my sister. although i tried to let her know that i was more worried than frustrated during our conversations, sometimes i still couldn't help the internal rage. all because i wanted her to wake up to reality and for her to be okay - i didn't get her thought process at all, didn't get her version of the world. and i felt so fucking powerless because she just strayed so quickly from her path, despite what she was telling me, despite her being relatively fine mere months prior. despite us being best friends and on good terms. it's a headfuck, and you don't have to know what to do, you don't have to have anything figured out. just try to focus on what you need, today.

the hardest thing to accept is the fundamental truth of the situation, and that is that you can't fix this for her. can't love her out of it, can't enable her out of it, can't fight her out of it. all you can do is be there for her emotionally while still maintaining the appropriate boundaries necessary to preserve ur own mental wellbeing. it's completely okay if you need more time - i know you said you cant bear to reach out to her at the moment, which makes total sense. but since you sent this message and i can still see that you're beyond concerned and it's only getting worse, maybe you could consider calling her or sending her a text or meeting her for coffee when you're ready. just to let her know you haven't stopped thinking of her. and that you care about her so much, that when/if she's ready to get help you will be with her every step of the way. even if shes battling addiction for the rest of her life. if she screams at you, if she breaks down, if she ignores you for what you say - fine. but at least she'll know on some level that she is not alone, and at least you'll know you did what you could with what was in your control. also about her being under social services - is there any way you could get in touch with them, maybe explain that youre still worried about her and that you think she needs a higher level of care, maybe ask them if theres anything proactive you can do in collaboration with them to maximize the help shes getting? i dont know how it works where you are, that might be a no go, but i just thought i'd mention it. i'm sorry, i know it's a disappointing answer, but i really don't realistically think there's any other. there's only so much of this that is in your hands and so far it sounds like you've done and are doing everything possible to stay sane while looking out for her. i really really hope something clicks for her and that she starts to listen to you and her loved ones soon, that she begins to approach recovery out of the genuine need to get better. but it really does have to come from within her, all you can do is encourage it. im sending you both so much love. i know more than anyone how fucking stressful it is to have to wake up to this every day, and i'm so sorry. if you need someone to talk to, my inbox will always be open. you deserve peace in your own life, too. take care x

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