#if so have you heard of the funky phantom

[gingerhastoomanyobsessions]

finding a fandom populated by like…three people and a tin can. is always an experience.

anyway shouting into the void here HI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO.

[daddy-issues-subscriber3]

Warning....NSFW material ahead. By reading this, you certify that you are not a minor and legally an adult. (18 years of age or older), and consent to viewing adult-themed material on your own accord . All characters depicted herein are fictional adults aged 18 years and older. An Original writing by Kiddmandu. 

Dirty Laundry

(TW::: Taboo Romance, Masturbation, Voyeurism, Cream pie)

  “Where the hell is my wallet ?” Tony asked himself. He searched every nook and cranny of his room. He scoured the rest of the house. He left no stone unturned while searching, but still could not find his wallet. He desperately tried to think of the last place he had it and finally remembered it being in the pair of jeans he had on the previous night. Immediately, he went to search the hamper in the bathroom.

   Tony opened the hamper and pulled out the jeans. Eureka!!! The wallet was indeed in the back pocket. He balled up the jeans and 

Tossed them back into the laundry hamper, however as he looked down there was a pair of hot pink panties laying on the bathroom floor. He surmised they must've fallen out when he took out his jeans. He reached down to pick up the panties, but Tony could not help but to wonder who's panties they were? Were they his mom's? Or his step-sister Diane’s? 

   As he picked the panties from the tile floor he felt the silky fabric between his fingers. As a horny young man, and a bit of a perv, Tony's mind went immediately to a naughty place. He imagined this pair of panties on both his mom AND his step-sister. He pictured either one of them parading around in them. Bending over in them. Laying down with spread legs and inviting him to come take a whiff or a taste. 

   Tony's cock began to grow hard in his pants. The wheels were set in motion. He couldn't stop now, even if he wanted to…and he did NOT want to. Tony lifted the fabric to his face. Specifically, his nostrils. He inhaled deeply, taking in the musky scent of pussy from the dirty fabric. Who's sexy scent was he smelling? Either way it was kinky. Perverse. Whose panties they were didn't even matter. The funky scent of mystery pussy was wonderful. It excited him so much. The sheer depravity of it turned Tony on so much. He extended his tongue and licked the crotch of the panties. Tasting and licking the soiled fabric. Mmm he moaned as he put the crotch into his mouth and sucked whatever flavor he could.

   Tony's cock was as hard as he could ever remember it being. He wanted to cum. He was home alone and there was no time like the present. He took his hardon, and the panties to the privacy of his bedroom to masturbate in private.

   Once safely in his bedroom, Tony undressed quickly and laid up on his bed. He wrapped his hand around his cock and began to pump and stroke it slowly. He held the panties up to his nose as he imagined eating the phantom pussy. His thoughts turned to absolute filth. Imagining having a threesome with BOTH his mom and stepsister. Eating one of their pussies while imagining the other sucking his cock. After a bit, Tony took the panties from his face and switched hands. Very badly, he wanted to feel pussy on his cock. He fastened the panties around his hardened shaft and used them to masturbate with. The smooth silkiness felt sexy and so good on his dick. As he stroked he moaned aloud. In lust. In extreme pleasure.

    Unbeknownst to Tony, Diane, his older-by-just-a-year step-sister was getting home from her after school, part time job. She was on her way to her room, when she heard strange noises coming from her brother's room. Grunting. Groaning. Breathing heavy. “Tony must be working out” she thought to herself as she cracked the door to let her brother know she was home. To her shock, as Diane peeked through the cracked doorway, she saw what Tony was doing. 

   …And with what !!! 

   The panties,  were after all, her panties, and as thus, she recognized them immediately. In a fit of rage Diane busted into to Tony's room.

   “Diane!! What the fuck!!” Tony yelled as he covered up with a blanket. 

  “Don't. “What the fuck” me Tony. You're the one stroking your dick and with my panties nonetheless” Diane snapped back at him 

  “What? No I'm not!!” he said, adamantly refuting his sister's claim.

  “Bullshit!!” Diane retorted. She wasn't having it. She reached down and ripped the blanket off of her brother, exposing not only the panties but also his hard cock. “See Asshole? These are mine” Diane raged as she grabbed her panties. “Ewww why are they so wet?”

   “I, uh..uh…um” Caught red handed, Tony was at a complete loss for words. 

   “DID YOU FUCKIN CUM ON MY PANTIES YOU SICK FUCK ????” She screamed. Tony had never seen her so mad. 

   “I didnt…honest. Diane I swear!!”

Diane, a bit confused asked, “Why are they so wet then?!?

   Well…um…I may have had them in my…um….mouth??” Tony smiled sheepishly. He knew his sister was about to lose her mind.

   A wave of Rage fell over Diane's face. Then disgust. But then…then, came a moment of reflection. Like she was really deep in thought. Her eyes stared down at Tony's still hard cock sticking up in the air. “Wait….why? Why were they in your mouth?”

  Tony saw the lust in his step sister's eyes as she stared, hyperfocused on his cock. He decided to try to appeal to Diane's horny side. Many evenings, late at night he heard the sounds of pleasure coming from Diane's bedroom as she pleasured herself. He knew all too well, that she was every bit as horny and as perverted as he was. Maybe that would play into his favor. “Because…I wanted to know how your pussy tasted Di.”

    Tony watched as Diane's face softened. Switching from angry to intrigued. He knew she was contemplating what he was putting out there. Her eyes, still trained on his cock. 

He decided to take a chance.

“I can see by the way you're looking at my cock, you've thought about it too.” Tony said as he leered hungrily at his sister

   Diane's face flushed with embarrassment. Indeed, she had thought about Tony's cock. Many times in fact. She had wondered how big it was? How it would feel in her hands? in her mouth? Even in her pussy? Yes, she wanted to fuck her stepbrother. She had for a long time.

   “C'mon Di…sit down and watch me. Watch me stroke my hard cock while I imagine it's you.” Tony said, as he hand slowly started to move back and forth over his dick. 

  Diane's eyes grew wide. With shock but also with sheer lust. Still, she contemplated how wrong it was.“But…Tony…we…um…we can't”. We're the words that came out of her mouth but in her mind,  she was already sucking Tony's hard cock.

   “Who says we can't? You're my STEP sister…We're not blood related. We're both about the same age. You're into me and I'm into you. So why can't we?”

   She didn't know if it was the truth or if she was just that horny but Tony's words made perfect sense to Diane. Involuntarily, she even licked her lips at the idea of fucking her step brother. 

   “Diane, show me those titties.” Tony requested firmly.

   Almost as if she was in some kind of horny trance, Diane obeyed. Pulling off her top and removing her bra quickly. Her big luscious C cup breasts spilled out fulfilling Tony's wish. 

  “Wow those are nice.” Tony said ogling Diane's tits as he stroked a bit faster. 

   “Yeah? You like them?” Diane questioned.

   “Definitely. Can I touch them?” He asked.

    “Yes, but only If I can touch you too.” Diana said with a sort of bashful smile.

    Tony, without even responding,  reached over and took his sister's hand and placed it right on his cock. “Go Ahead Diane... Do it” He said with a horny smile. 

   And…Diane did just that. Without any further prompting, her hand curled around Tony's thick shaft, and slowly began to stroke it. At the same time, Tony took one of Diane's breasts into his hand and began to massage, caress and fondle it. They both looked dreamily into one another's eyes in disbelief. They had both wanted this for so long and finally it was happening.

   Things progressed quickly. With Diane still beating his cock, Tony pulled his sister to him and kissed her hard. Diane swooned and kissed him back passionately. Their tongues swirled around each other's. Their hands roamed and explored and were all over one another. It didn't take long before Diane too, was naked. 

  “This feels so wrong but also feels too good to stop” Diane whispered through panted breaths.

   “Because we've both wanted this for so long” Tony responded. “Just enjoy it. Don't overthink it.” 

  “I agree” Diane said with a giggle as she bent down and took her brother's dick into her mouth for the first time. Her mouth formed a perfect seal around the head of Tony's cock head before she plunged down, taking him deep into her mouth. 

   “Fuccccccccck” Tony moaned as the pleasure rippled through his entire body. “wow, that feels good Di”.

   “Mmmm” Diane moaned as she started to Bob up and down with him in her mouth. 

   As he enjoyed the sensations of Diane's mouth, Tony's hand reached around and started caressing and squeezing her ass. Groping her firm, sexy, naked cheeks. Enjoying his touch, Diane spread her legs to allow him access to her dampening, and very horny pussy. Which by now was smoldering and begging to be touched. Indeed Tony's fingers found their way down to Diane's smoldering Honeypot.. Sliding back and forth over her pubic mound a few times before his middle finger slipped between her slick lips. As his finger violated her for the first time, Diane moaned aloud. Her sounds of pleasure were music to Tony's ears. He had longed to pleasure her for so long but her moans were especially sexy because she was moaning while slobbering on his dick. 

   While all this was happening both Diane and Tony's minds were racing. They were both so overwhelmed and exhilarated that their hottest and most taboo fantasy was coming true. Spurring their participation onward with unbridled passion. Diane enthusiastically tongued, licked and sucked Tony's cock, while Tony himself,  fingerered his sister with extreme prejudice and prowess. However, both were both thinking one thing… They wanted to fuck!!!

   Tony reached his breaking point first. “Di, I really want to have sex with you.”

   Diane let Tony's cock fall from between her lips. Panting and out of breath she replied, “Oh my God I want that too. But…should we go there? You know…Do that?” 

  “We've already gone this far. Let's just do it!” Tony said enthusiastically.

  Again, Tony’s words made perfect sense. “Okay” Diane replied with an enthusiastic giggle of her own. 

   Upon receiving her approval, Tony turned Diane onto her back, and mounted her. Moving himself to her knees, Tony eased apart and spread her legs apart and positioned himself between them. He looked down at his sister, he smiled lustfully as he pushed the tip of his cock beyond the opening of her pussy. Diane's soft, wet, velvet-like, lady lips accepted him inside. Gripping him tightly as he pushed in deeper. Both Tony and Diane moaned aloud in utter pleasure as his hard cock pierced into her. Thrusting his hips forward it was just seconds before Tony was completely into his sister's cunnie. 

   “You feel so good Di. You're so tight.” He moaned as the pleasure surged through his body. 

   “You feel so good too Tone. Please Fuck me.” Diane begged. Pleading like a slut in heat. 

    Not being one to disappoint, Tony began to move. His cock started to slide in and out of Diane's pussy. Slowly at first and then building. Both the rhythm and pleasure becoming more intense for both participants as it continued. Meeting each one of his thrusts, Diane moved her hips in time with her brother's. Before long, they were fucking hard and fast. Their bodies banged and slapped together. Making a “THWAP” sound as they collided. 

   After a few minutes of this, Tony wanted to get deeper penetration in his sister's pussy. Quickly, he flipped Diane over onto her belly. He pulled her hips up and into the air, so that her near perfect ass was displayed before him. Her pink, puckery, asshole stared up at him. Tony moved his hands from Diane's hips. With one hand he squeezed one of her beautifully toned ass cheeks. With the other, Tony gently teased her asshole with his thumb. Diane, who sexually was mostly a “good girl” had never done anything with anal. She was shocked to feel his thumb press against her anus. The feeling was strange. Naughty yet exciting. As Tony worked his thumb in circles and applied pressure to her naughtiest of places, Diane let out a squeal of shock mixed with pleasure. Indeed, She liked feeling “dirty” and like a slut.

   At the same time all of this was happening, the head of Tony's cock nuzzled up against the now very wet and sloppy opening to Diane's cunt. With just a simple lunge forward, Tony entered his sister again and achieved “balls deep” penetration. Gaining more depth in this position, Tony let out a moan as Diane's pussy accepted him once more. The incredible feeling of Diane's pussy clutching his cock, Tony wasted no time and finding and achieving a hard and fast fuck pace. 

   “Yes, yes yes yes!” Diane cried out. Her voice coming in short bursts as her body was pounded from behind by her brother.

   “You like that Sis?” Tony said through panted breaths. 

    “Oh my God. Yesssssssss” Diane responded in a long moan. 

    Both of them, feeling incredible pleasure. Any feeling of “Taboo” or “Wrong doing” had dissipated and had long melted away. The rapture of pleasure had washed it away like a flood. Instead of feeling ambivalent to this sexcapade, both Tony and Diane felt amazing and were hurdling towards their respective orgasms.

   Pounding into his sister's pussy like a piston, Tony fucked Diane hard. Pulling on her hips, slapping her ass cheeks, even reaching up and pulling her hair a few times. He was completely overtaken by lust and the pleasurable sensation of Diane's tight pussy. She was no longer his lovable older sister, she had become just another slut. A receptacle for his cock to hammer into.

   After only about 10 minutes of hot fucking Tony could feel his orgasm approaching. His balls swinging back and forth and pounding against his sister's clit, were filled with a big juicy load just aching to escape. To be released. To be set free. It was approaching fast. 

   “Are you on the pill Di?” Tony asked fighting back his cum. 

   “Yes….yesss! Just do it Tone!” Diane begged and pleaded for Tony's cum. She didn't know if this was going to be a one-time thing, and therefore she wanted to experience everything with him. She desperately wanted to know what it felt like to have her little brother cum inside of her. 

   Diane's confirmation was all Tony needed, he thrusted in deep as his climax arrived. Throbbing and pulsating, his cock spewed forth his hot, creamy cum. Essentially depositing his load deep inside his sister’s womb.

   Feeling like her most intimate parts had  just been filled with molten lava, the sensation of Tony's hot, gooey jism flooding through her, hurried Diane's own orgasm. She came hard and violently. Her body thrashed and shook, and the whole time she tried to muffle her screams by biting the pillow. Feeling completely fuck-drunk, and breathless, she collapsed on the bed.

   Both Tony and Diane tried to catch their breath. Tony took his place next to his naked sister on the bed. Diane looked up at him and directly into his eyes as they shared a tender kiss.

    Unfortunately, their brief moment of afterglow was interrupted by…

   “Hey guys I'm home! Where are you guys?” The female voice called out.

   Oh shit!! It was their mom coming home from work!!! Quickly both Tony and Diane scurried. Diane jumped from Tony's bed, quickly wrapped a blanket around herself and ran to her room. It was the best offense to not get caught. 

   While their moment may have been interrupted, Tony and Diane had many more experiences like this and the days, months, and even years to come. 

  That night at the dinner table with the family, their dad, who was just trying to make small talk asked…”So kids, what did you guys do today?”

  Immediately, Tony and Diane locked eyes on each other and quickly giggled  in unison…“Ohhh Nothing !” 

Another Original Erotic Story by

Daddy-issues-subscriber3

(Aka Kiddmandu)

[swiggity-swexual-i-am-asexual]

I'm not opposed to hear your rambling of DP in dungeon meshi

Ayyy someone asked! 

Oh, you’ve activated my trap card.

So, naturally, I cannot find the post because Tumblr ate it off my blog, BUT what they’re referring to is a post about how the Fenton parents could have TOTALLY ended up overshooting when trying to get to the Ghost Zone and ended up in different worlds instead… and thus decided ‘hey free children!’ And surprise adopted (read: kidnapped) both Jazz and Danny from two different realms. 

I actually had a LOT of ideas on how you could do this. But, I ultimately decided that a post-canon approach was best for this little exercise. Not that you COULDN’T add Jazz and Danny, I suppose, but the timeline and the character movements are, for lack of better terms of it, EXTREMELY tight. You can wiggle an OC in there, sure, but for a fully developed character from ANOTHER media, especially one as OP as Danny, it’s far more difficult. 

That’s my way of saying, this absolutely has Dungeon Meshi spoilers if you’ve never read the manga and don’t know how it ends. That’s my only warning. 

So here’s the ideas and eventual story (there’s elements that are general and some that are specific to whatever storyline I ended up with) that I have doubts I will ever write but someone might as well enjoy them. I technically wrote a few scenes in my notes app, but these aren’t those, this is—kind of the whole roadmap? It’s a little funky still though, haha. 

Here goes!

As with the post, Jazz is Barbara Gordon’s twin, and Danny was actually a half foot. And now he’s a halfa halffoot. Lmao. Lol even. 

Before I chose to do a post-canon approach, I considered having the Fentons as a party. Jazz and Danny are basically playing babysitter to their FAR too enthusiastic parents who keep almost or actually dying because they’re exploring the whole immortal dungeon thing. While that is scrapped, some of the ideas I did have came from this, er, phase of development? So I felt it was worth a shoutout. 

Marcille describes magic (well, mana) as coming from ‘The Infinite’, which is also where demons come from. And these demons can do things like grant wishes, ‘feed’ off of emotion, and change people. They also, once sealed into dungeons, do various things inside these dungeons, including making animals that cannot exist without magic for very long but also seem to still require a sort of internal logic. This sounds a LOT like how ghosts work in Danny Phantom, if you take maybe a hint of liberty and a dose of speculation about how lairs likely work. 

Basically, The Infinite = the Ghost Zone, also known as the Infinite Realms. Demons = Ghosts. Dungeons = Lairs. And, most importantly… Ectoplasm = Magic. 

For my own sanity and also for a successful meshing of these two very different universes, I’ve decided to go with the semi-fanon idea that the influences of the people in the living world can create things in the Infinite Realms. Belief creates reality, basically. For example, perhaps Pandora was never alive in the first place, but because people heard and believed her story so much, she became a ghost (realms being, demon, what have you). So, while those in Amity Park might not have initially believed much in ghosts, they saw them, and because people saw Phantom as powerful and either villain or hero-like, Danny and the rest of the ghosts became more like comic book characters than spooky ghosts (somewhat explains how things are still a LITTLE spooky, but seem a bit more heavy on the probably dead people thing at the beginning of the series). 

Similarly, demons became what they are over time as the people of the world influenced them. You could call what demons started as, as ‘proto ghosts’, and that every world that HAS ghosts has them, and the beliefs change them into whatever form and binds them to whatever rules the dimension now holds. 

There should still be some universal ‘laws’, though. For example, ghosts exist in both stories, and so do magic, as do spaces that operate at least SLIGHTLY outside the usual laws that govern the area outside of it (again, lairs and the Ghost Zone, dungeons in general). 

All this to say—when Danny ends up in the Dungeon Meshi world, he ends up being a very unorthodox and extremely powerful mage, but might lose a good percentage of his usual ghost powers. He is not salty about this, no, really, ITS FINE JAZZ.  

This would be less of a problem if there wasn’t a SLIGHT issue about halffoots being known as not being magically inclined… and those that might have had an interest in the past sorta-kinda got taken by the elves. 

Another note is that this isn’t going to be a particularly Fenton parents friendly sort of story, because the whole thing STARTS with them KIDNAPPING CHILDREN and passing them off as their own. I’m sure there are ways to spin it as a happy tale, but uhhhhhhhhhhh. I’m not. 

An additional point that you do NOT have to take from this if you make your own story is, if you’re a big fan of halffoots having tails (which, to fit with the humans-all-have-the-same-bones thing, are made of cartilage), you can have Danny have been docked as a baby by the Fentons. Adjust angst regarding that to your own tastes, but I imagine its probably something that HAD been done in the past for not-great-reasons, and so the social stigma for the parents doing that to their child is messed up—but due to the dangers of dungeoneering, some halffoots may have lost their tails in accidents or just because they were THAT serious. Point is, it’s at minimum a gossip point. 

Anyways, as halffoots are very short, and Danny is one, by age fourteen his teachers are probably going to go ‘uuuuhhhh, I think there’s a problem here?’ But the Fenton parents are oddly reluctant to arrange a doctor’s visit to check for various possible causes of potential dwarfism. Like, they’re already dodgy about doctor visits, but this seems particularly avoidant. 

Both Jazz and Danny might know that they’re adopted, but even if they don’t, they know where all their papers are. So they snoop through them to see if there’s any leads or anything. 

There’s various ways to for them to figure it out—realizing there’s no paper trail about their adoptions or about how delayed the at-home-birth paperwork was—but one that I did contemplate was that the Fentons KEPT the tail they cut off Danny as a baby, claiming it was a ‘lower spine surgery and don’t worry about it champ!’. 

As you might imagine, he’s worried about it. But also, you can nix that plot point if you’re not a fan. (Well, I mean it technically my own story developing here, but—part of this exercise is to see what other people would take away from what I’ve got too.)

More searching through papers and likely a conversation if not confrontation with the parents later, Jazz and Danny learn about the different realms and such. 

Jazz is still worried about Danny’s health. They SEEMED human, but what if they weren’t and they were just lucky to not have gotten super sick? Or what if they’ll live thousands of years or something?? 

Danny is, understandably, a little upset about everything too. So they both pack what they might need, basing their travel kits on what notes they DID have about the world they were heading to (minimal technology, so laptops were a bad idea, but Jazz did pack a bunch of instructional books on How To Make Things), and got the dimensional coordinates to where they needed to go. Or, if you don’t wanna explain HOW those dimensional coordinates are still accurate or how that system might work now that the Ghost Zone was there, because who knew how to navigate that place on a GOOD day, Danny could just ask Frostbite or Clockwork for a quick favor. On that note, Danny should probably have a way home—personally, I gave him the starting ability to make portals, although they’re not YET powerful to get through, which is why he’s concerned that he might actually be unwell on his human side. 

POINT IS. Jazz and Danny arrive, taking the name Nightingale just in case their parents went around calling themselves as Fenton and pissing people off by, oh say, kidnapping their child. 

A quick survey around tells them a bit about the world, with Danny probably very used to being very adaptable on the fly. And also we’ll let him keep invisibility. As a treat. Though it may now be a bit more difficult to do. Jazz is tasked to either help Danny to let him hide behind her presence when needing to actually be invisible, read through the travel journal from the Fentons to find clues to Danny’s birth family, and her own self imposed mission to reinvent running water and water filtration systems. She is not about this no-indoor-plumbing life. 

As it so happens, with the Golden Kingdom beginning to pop up, there’s plenty of spaces and houses in various states of repair that they’re currently REALLY trying to fill up. Jazz files some paperwork about being refugees, and they take a house that’s pretty far into the woods for most of the people looking for a place. The two need the space, as they are keeping literal dimensional secrets. Other than the lengthy walk to town, it’s fine. Plus, it lets Jazz do her plumbing project. 

Once they both have a pretty good grasp on things, Danny C-student Nightingale realizes OH. WHAT IF I’M A HALFFOOT— wait no I’m not going by that. Call me a hobbit instead. In Jazz’s defense, she spent most of her time grasping everything else about the world, or otherwise spent most of her time they spent either camping in the woods or making their new house LIVEABLE that the whole ‘different races’ thing completely sped by her. Plus, where they live might be more Tallman heavy. 

Good to know he’s healthy though! But they’re already here, and they do actually want to find Danny’s family, and… it’s just… been very nice and not stressful. The ghosts hadn’t been bothering Danny nearly as much back home, to the point where he felt pretty comfortable leaving it in Valerie’s capable hands, but this is the most relaxed he’s been in a while. It’s amazing what not living with people who would skin you semi-alive will do for mental health. 

They also realize they maybe need to like… make money. 

Good news is, when they switched dimensions, they automatically became able to speak Common. And, as a compensation for losing some of his other abilities, Danny can have omnilingualism. He also keeps his ice powers, mostly, and he’s pretty sure he kept his Ghostly Wail. 

There ARE reasons why he keeps the powers he does. In short, he’s still part ghost (or, part demon here, but words are just words and in this case, both just mean ‘realms being’), so turning invisible is fine. So is making things cold—and, as he’s also human and able to use magic, he can create ice like other mages do. He also has limited intangibility, but for reasons involving ‘I don’t recall any mages doing it’, he has more trouble with it than usual. As for the Ghostly Wail, its similar to the mandrake cry, and thus something that likely involves magic to do—as a veritable wellspring of magic, as he’s kinda sorta a dungeon master ruled by HIMSELF now, he has plenty to spare. Plus, banshee legends might still exist in Dungeon Meshi. As for the languages thing… it’s me throwing him a bone for taking away his ability to use lasers. I might let him overshadow people, but seeing as that just kills people in Dungeon Meshi, I might not. 

The two siblings begin taking odd jobs in town. The people think it’s a LITTLE odd that a Tallman (Jazz) and a Halffoot (HOBBIT, Danny) are siblings, but they usually just explain that they were both taken in by the same couple. If anyone even slightly insinuates it’s something else, the two both start gagging before they begin lecturing the gossiper. 

While Danny’s skills as an interpreter ARE extremely valuable, they find that with so many new people in this town that, apparently, JUST rose out of the gotdang sea, that there are many people looking for all sorts of odd things, and THAT is something Jazz is more suited for than translating, seeing as the only language that she knows from THIS world is Common. 

In short, she finds out about potions. You know, that thing mentioned like ONCE at the beginning of the Dungeon Meshi series and NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN (afaik). 

Ingredients are a liiiittle hard to come by in markets, but most of them just need magic to grow, right? And Danny can make magic ice that turns into magic water. 

Jazz starts a farm. When Danny starts taking home books and such to translate on a commission basis, mostly in order to avoid another close call about knowing ancient elvish languages that they may or may not be incredibly suspicious about him being able to know, he takes care of a lot of the gardening. 

It’s at this point that Danny finds out he can just take a mandrake that’s in a pot, dunk it in a barrel of water, and harvest that way. It’s still a bit LOUD, but it won’t harm or kill anyone. And, the water now has magic toxins or whatever, which could have uses of their own that Jazz is now experimenting with. 

So, basically, Jazz is out here doing the Dungeon Meshi Cooking Montages except its potions and it’s mildly terrifying. 

Danny is just glad that he’s ALSO legally a halffoot adult and can just go to town to a tavern whenever she’s being too weird. Good news: he can drink alcohol now! Bad news, sort of: it does nothing for him. I mean, go him for never getting drunk, but like, rude. 

Both Danny and Jazz are learning magic, mostly because Danny needs to offset some magic every now and again so it doesn’t build up (ie, his ice) and should at least look like he knows what he’s doing so he doesn’t get caught, and Jazz is learning so they can occasionally depend on her to claim that Danny’s magical whatever is actually HER doing. Plus, it helps with the potions. Most involve magical ingredients, so the maker doesn’t need to be a mage, but still. 

Danny gets a bit homesick about Sam and Tucker, so he makes a magic mirror in an afternoon and contacts them through one of Sam’s compact cases. It had some unique design she made on the back of it, so he’s able to hone in on it. Sam is EXTREMELY jealous that they’re living some kind of cottage witch fantasy, meanwhile Tucker is like ‘they have wHAT kind of meat? And you left me here?!’. 

Yeah. Tucker and Laois would get along, although Senshi would definitely have some words to say about his nutritional needs. 

SPEAKING OF the Dungeon Meshi characters. What, you think I wasn’t going to add them?

Falin likes to take walks through the area. As it so happens, the Nightingale House is about two hours of very casual strolling from the castle. She discovers them one day when she noticed Danny tending to the mandrake farm (there’s likely other magical plants, but I imagine Danny is wary of the more monster-like ones). 

Danny just can NOT keep her name in his head. He keeps calling her Bird Lady. Falin is not upset by this. She’s actually pretty glad to make somewhat friends with Danny and later Jazz, because they’re both pretty nonchalant about the feathers thing. Most are fine, but some are still… Off about her. Also they didn’t participate in the whole eating her thing, which she didn’t MIND but some people avoid her because they think she WOULD be upset. 

Falin is also glad to find that Danny can see ghosts like she can. She promised to keep his little magic secret, though she likely has no idea how powerful he actually IS, and she visits like twice a week. 

At some point, Itsuzumi claimed their front porch as one of her napping spots. Jazz thought they should maybe not have a cat girl sleeping on the doorstep. Danny agreed… by making a hammock. Jazz just accepted her fate and occasionally feeds her. That said, Itsuzumi doesn’t stay in one place as her ‘home’, so it’s a toss up if she’s there. Still, she somehow convinced the postmasters to only deliver mail to the Nightingales, seeing as they don’t mess with her letters and are out of the way enough that she has privacy when she does read them. If she’s there while it’s raining, she’ll take over the couch. 

Like, Itsuzumi doesn’t have keys to the house or anything, and Danny and Jazz are both a bit secretive, but that translates really well to respecting Itsuzumi’s privacy as long as she isn’t bringing huge problems to their doorstep. Danny did once offer to see about making up a guest room that was more or less hers—the house did need repairs, so some of the rooms weren’t quite habitable even if the house itself was fine to live in. Itsuzumi was not a fan of this, as I imagine her the type to not like feeling so tied down, but she did accept a compromise of having a closet space for her to store things. It’s where Danny and Jazz will put her letters when she DOES get them. 

Danny’s need to help people isn’t an obsession, but he IS quite fond of it, so as he does his work but also studies magic Just In Case, he finds a certain affinity for sensing magic, monsters, and breaking curses. The first one he broke was entirely by accident—the client had no idea that the book passages he gave to Danny were cursed. 

It worked out, it was fiiiine, stop worrying so much Jazz. 

While Danny certainly wasn’t advertising the curse breaking part, his previous client was told about it, and suddenly everyone knew that the Nightingales knew a little about curse breaking. They assume it’s Jazz, and Jazz has to learn on the fly how to break simple curses and protect herself until Danny can come actually work his literal magic. Jazz, oddly enough, is the one to figure out how to make protective charms. 

Also, she’s successfully made the first section of her water filtration system. 

Listen, they are very busy. But they’re hoping if they branch out enough, get a big enough system, they can find Danny’s parents. Because all they REALLY had to go on was One—They were halffoots, Two—Danny’s hair came from his mother, and Three—in both Jazz AND Danny’s cases, the Fentons kidnapped a twin. 

It’s this work as a cursebreaker and Jazz’s work as a near miracle worker at potions—her little mad scientist experiments were bearing fruit after all—that Falin brings Laios over to work with. Long story short, Danny’s general attitude about it is ‘fuck that lion guy’ because he recognizes the work of a ghost—er, demon—when he sees it. Sure, the Toudens don’t TELL Danny it was a winged lion, saying after a really long pause that the cursers name was Leo or whatever. But Danny isn’t completely stupid, especially not about something he can PLAINLY see. 

Also, a good note here is that neither Jazz nor Danny have ANY idea who Laios is. Sure, they’d HEARD of the King, but either Danny gave him a nickname, they think Laios is one of those cases where there’s an uptick of people named after a famous person, or it’s just a super common name. Or, heck, it’s entirely possible that Laios has a king monicker and that’s ALL that Jazz and Danny have heard, and they don’t know that the king’s name is Laios. 

Anyways, Danny is like ‘you have two curses from your frankly very petty curser’. And they’re like ‘yeah we know’. 

For the monster repellent curse, Falin points out (possibly on her own but also possibly remembering something Kabru said once) that it’s a pretty useful curse, but that it upsets Laios to have on him. So, Danny thinks ‘What Would Sam Do’ and makes a creepy doll. The idea is to attach the curse to the doll, but for various reasons involving having the curse NEED an amount of magic to stay going, it needs to be, well… fed. As you MIGHT recall from Dungeon Meshi, blood is pretty potent as a magic tool. 

So, anyways, blood sacrifice for the repellent doll curse, preferably either by Laios or someone of his blood. I’m sure this won’t become a plot point for a b rated adventure story several generations later where they need to find the One True Heir to help save the kingdom or whatever. 

As for the hunger curse, it’s a pretty tricky one. Most curses, Danny can kind of just. Push it out using his own magic, or trick it into thinking its done whatever the curse maker wanted it to do. But this curse is very ingrained, as hunger is something very basic to literally everyone, and it’s goal is basically ‘then SUFFER’ and that’s hard to make it understand when Laios is, technically, already and constantly suffering from it. 

So, it needs to be magically purged. Starve out the magic in Laios’s body, starve out the curse. Issue being that it’s EXCEPTIONALLY hard to do that when magic is LITERALLY in the air. 

With a bit of thinking, Danny comes up with a solution, and tells them to set up their creepy doll shrine and see him in three days. Also maybe haggles the price because while he DOES have a way to do this, it’s a bit risky to not only Laios but to the makers of Danny’s curse-breaking method. 

Danny contacts Sam, who contacts Frostbite, who is VERY against this but ultimately agrees so long as Danny is careful. Danny technically has Jazz do most of the next part, so he’s being cautious. 

The Toudens come back, with Laios happily chattering about a small monster he noticed just before they got to the Nightingales—good to know what the range of that is then, though it may have become smaller with the smaller vessel and the lesser amount of regenerating magic supplying it. I’m not looking up the one panel that sorta shows how big the field is right now. 

Danny is like, bundled up and covering his mouth, while Jazz is very careful with the prepared potions. 

Blood blossoms. Basically anti magic, which do not grow in this world naturally and should never do so, and involved Sam needing to travel back in time to grab a few. They explain their caution as Danny being extremely allergic to one of the ingredients and the effects of the potions being dangerous to mages in general by DESIGN. 

In short, Laios has to take these potions for three days—one bottle for each day—and to light a candle anointed with the potion in the forth bottle in a closed space he needs to stay in for the duration and at least an extra two days. There’s also a fifth bottle that he needs to sprinkle into any food or drink he has for that time until after the fifth day. Remember, magic is everywhere in Dungeon Meshi. This is basically him going into a sterile bubble field for a while, but also needing to include sterilizing the things he eats and drinks as well. 

“Don’t keep even a drop,” Danny warns them both very, very seriously. “This stuff shouldn’t exist here, but that is one NASTY curse you’ve got. Anything you’ve got leftover, including the bottles, bring back here.” 

He also tells them that its possible that Laios might never regain magical ability he had previous, or if he DID he had to relearn it. Laios accepts this risk. He wasn’t much for magic anyways. Danny also tells him to maybe make sure the room(s) he uses isn’t his usual bedroom, and again that he needs to stay in them as MUCH AS POSSIBLE, preferably not leaving at ALL, until after his treatment. 

They take his warnings seriously, at least, and they head off, carefully with the contents they just got. 

They actually do as instructed! Kabru did manage to take a drop, though, just to see what would happen. Holm’s undine DISSOLVED is what happened. Kabru did not take any more risks about that because WHAT the hell, WHAT. Laios and Falin also won’t tell him WHERE THEY GOT THIS FROM. At least, not until after they finish the treatment and see if it works. 

It does work though! He gets his normal hunger cues back after a couple of weeks, and Falin happily tells the Nightingales that it worked. Great! Never tell anyone what they did. Also give back the bottles please and thanks (handed off to Sam very carefully—although blood blossoms ARE a magic-and-ecto disruptor, they can be put through portals, such as the mirror phone things that technically also act as portals). 

A little late for total secrecy, but no one that the Toudens didn’t already trust with the numerous secrets they already had, including but not limited to Marcille’s fun necromancy habit. 

… Listen, I know that the curses Laios gets are like, consequences or something, but I didn’t like the hunger curse because of my own traumas and didn’t like the monster avoidance curse cause that just seemed cruel. Which I get was the point but I have OPINIONS on the whole thing, and it ultimately equals up to “Laios didn’t ask for this, and I’m not sure he’s actually happy in the end”. Anyways. 

Because they literally helped heal the king, Laios does invite them over to dinner in the castle. 

“That guy was a KING?!” Danny shouts. 

Jazz is just like. Yeah that fucking tracks. But hey we can ask his help about the parentage thing! 

So, now they’re going to dinner. That’s fun! Maybe! 

Side note, Jazz has now invented showers and indoor baths. She’s still working on a heating and cooling mechanism but at least all the water is clean. She’s still working on getting faucets for sinks, such as in the kitchen. 

Don’t ask how they have time for this, by the way. The gardening, their actual jobs of potion making and translations, Jazz’s plumbing project, Danny’s (and slightly Jazz’s) magic training, and the biological family search. To be fair, they probably have very few leads on that last one, so extending their social net is kind of their only plan. 

They get dressed up fairly nicely and go to the king’s castle for dinner because apparently Danny just cannot stop impressing royalty both dead AND ALIVE as it turns out. 

There, they meet the whole Touden party. Itsuzumi is there. Both parties are very surprised, but good to know, but also what. W h a t. 

Senshi likes hearing about how similar potion making and cooking is, and he and Jazz seem to be getting along pretty well! Chilchuck, meanwhile, is like. Why does this kid—sorry, young halffoot adult—look so gotdang familiar. Regardless, he offers to help teach him a few things about halffoot culture, seeing as Danny was apparently raised as a Tallman. 

“Yeah, we didn’t even know about other races! We just thought Danny was a little weird,” Jazz said. 

“That must have been really isolated,” Marcille replied. 

Oh, she didn’t even know the half of it. 

Of course, someone questions how Danny was so good with languages if their ‘isolated little village’ never said that any race other than Tallmen existed, to which Danny just kind of says he had a knack for it and was bored, so. Languages. They kind of just start following patterns after a certain point. And he and Jazz HAD been traveling for a while. 

Dinner goes well, with just one odd report about scratching in one of the mirror halls by the guards that Danny juuuust manages to hear before he and Jazz go out the doors. 

That’s probably nothing! 

A bit more time passes, with Senshi visiting Jazz and helping her learn ACTUAL cooking in exchange for those sweet sweet mandrakes and the water harvesting method while Danny gets lessons from Chilchuck and, ironically, another halffoot named Dandan about Halffoot culture. Luckily, Danny just so happened to know the halffoot language equivalent of Common, but they teach him a bit more about the language anyways. 

This is also when he learns that Halffoots tend to have twins, but also that it’s not terribly uncommon for one of the twins to die. Happened to both Dandan’s ex wife and to Chilchuck and also so, so many other halffoots. That just made Danny’s search even harder. Yikes. 

By week two, Danny is very tired of CONSTANTLY hearing the term halffoot, and so has requested Tucker get him a copy of the Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy to send through mirror-mail so that Danny can then translate THAT into Common and go publish. Maybe if he has a book or two to sell, he can make a passive income so he can concentrate on things other than translating YET ANOTHER tax form because the local government all wants Common—understandable—but not everyone can READ Common. 

This may be a time to give Danny a misadventure with some orcs that paint him as a fucking weirdo but ultimately friendly. 

Jazz gets the idea that hey, if the whole halffoots have lots of twins thing is true,  meaning that she and Danny are going to have a TIME of it trying to find HIS parents, maybe she and Danny should invent, like genetic testing with magic and or potions or whatever. It’s not like they don’t have an understanding of genetics, if what Kabru’s (adopted) mother teaches him is any indicator, but genetic testing it relatively modern by our own standards. 

So they start developing that. Falin still visits, mentioning how there seems to be a scratching that just won’t stop in the castle, but its always in the same hall of mirrors so at least its localized. Just, really weird. Everyone else thinks its ghosts, but Falin has checked so many times now and there just isn’t one. But Laios is doing fine, he’s very thankful, and Danny is like hahaha don’t mention it! No really, don’t! You already paid me! We had dinner! We’re friends now! Ahaha!

Should it be the case that Halffoots (-HOBBITS!) have tails, Chilchuck still has his, though it’s a liiiittle shorter than it should be, and he’s the sort thats proud about how long his wife and daughters’ tails are. He’s reconnecting with his family! Slowly but surely! In case you CAN’T tell, I actually like happy endings here. Despite the everything else I put in a story, ha. Anyways, as such, he’s a little offput by Danny’s parents since Danny admitted that they’re the ones who cut it off of him, and that even then they never told Danny that he wasn’t a Tallman despite having to have had at LEAST a clue that he wasn’t one. Shouldn’t the orphanage or however they got their kids from know? Don’t tell him that both Jazz AND Danny were just left on their doorsteps. 

“Definitely not that one, aha…” Danny quickly changes the topic. “So I wrote this story—or, well, its like this story that was SUPER popular where we’re from—“

Chilchuck also explains how Danny’s name is just SO weird to most of the other halffoots. Like, it’s not OUT there, per se, but definitely reads as Tallman. Even admitting its fully Daniel does not help. This is also when Chilchuck explains that part of the infant mortality rate, halffoots don’t get their names until their fourth month of life. 

Jazz made some liberties and changes to the Hobbit to fit in a little better with Dungeon Meshi and it’s whole world, but otherwise it’s mostly the same story. Chilchuck and Dandan get free copies as they’re helping Danny so much, especially with getting Danny used to other people like him (mostly). They’re both pretty impressed with it, though Danny insists that it wasn’t exactly his own writing. But, hey, the actual author was dead and he doubts any copies are going to come from his old hometown any time soon so like, might as well! 

Also, copyright law is probably far different in Dungeon Meshi than here, ha. I declare it—legally in the clear! 

Danny has a mission with this and that’s getting people to use the word Hobbit dammit! 

Surprisingly, despite not showing up in it, the gnomish community quite like it. And so do dwarves, and elves, and halffoots, and it becomes pretty popular. 

It’s The Hobbit. This is not an unexpected result. Thank you Chilchuck for helping with the printing rights and contracts for getting the book published. (And we can guess that the printing press DOES exist in Dungeon Meshi, since we can see the books they have—though there may be other obstacles about getting your hands on a book, we can see by the amount they have and how gimmicky Laios’ monster book is that printing a book itself is likely a done and solved issue in some way or another). 

Danny is extremely glad he did not put his own name as the pen name for that mess. 

While all that drama is happening, including the fact that Chilchuck’s wife—I have named her Brightmerry—is now a very avid fan and would love to meet Danny, Danny and Jazz have just about perfected their genetics test. Laios and Falin know about the test, although not WHY they’re doing it. Despite some concerns that the magic and chimeraism that probably STILL affects both, though Laios’s maybe got purged during the magic curse breaking thing, it certainly was unpleasant enough for him that he’d BELIEVE that he got part of him ripped out, they still seem to test just fine as siblings. Still, they need more tests. 

But it’s not like they know an entire family, do they? 

Danny complains about this issue to Dandan, in part to see if Dandan knew anyone that MIGHT be willing to help. 

As it so happens, Dandan volunteers Chilchuck. Chilchuck only agrees to drag his family into it because he generally trusts Danny and Jazz even if they ARE kind of weird and make incidental inventions at their house that they should REALLY sell, because WHAT do you MEAN you have a hot water shower?! He also knows that both Brightmerry and Fullertom would like to meet Danny because of the book he totally did not steal from another dimension to make a profit. Might as well drag the rest. Plus, they assure that the test itself won’t hurt, and will even demonstrate with themselves and with the Toudens what a false and what a positive result will look like. 

So, they arrange a date to do so at the castle. Kabru is pretty interested in the experiment, truthfully, because it seems neat! Not at all because of his own issues with his hometown involving his eye color! Why do you ask! 

Off they go, and the best space to do this in due to some preparation and magic circle nonsense is the same room Laios did his whole magic purge, which was the mirror hall. It’s small but open, with no windows except for a small one in an attached restroom area. Sure, there’s some creepy scratching going on from time to time, but no one has gotten hurt or recorded anything else odd. 

The magic genetics test involves having the participants positioned equally around a magic circle in little circles of their own, having a small cup of a potion that gives off a lot of steam or vapor—entirely harmless-, and pricking a drop of blood into the potion. What happens with a positive is that the vapor takes on a color and follows a trail through the magic circle, and the colors and how strong the connection between the vapor trails between two people tell how related they are. In a negative or, when two parents are in the circle, the vapor trails will not have ‘matching’ or similar colors, and the trails will not actually meet up with each other. 

It’s still a work in progress, but it should tell at least siblings. Luckily, Chilchuck did manage to get all three of his daughters and his wife along, with Dandan being invited as another variable to test with. 

Danny and Jazz go first, showing how their trails don’t meet up. And there’s not a particular meaning to what color a vapor trail is to a person—it can change and vary for each test, it’s only consistent when it’s a ‘positive’. 

Than Laios and Falin. Fittingly enough, their trails are fairly strong, with just a few different trails fraying off, and slightly different shades of green-ish yellow coming from their potion cups. 

The Chilchuck Family then take a turn, and they can observe the trails. Sure enough, Chilchuck and Brightmerry don’t have any connection, but seem to match and meet with each of their daughters’ trails, who also connect to each other in a web of vapor. They decide that maybe more than three is hard to read. 

They agree to do a couple of combinations and tests, which Jazz and Danny are like ‘sorry for all the finger pricks!’ But they DID bring a bunch of sterilized needles at least. And Falin is happy to heal them in the meantime—using the space as an anti magic purge room seems to not have left an affect on the magic now in the space. 

Dandan joins a few times so they can record how he doesn’t match at all. Laios then mentions why Danny isn’t doing that when they explain he’s adopted and therefore for all he knows, he’s distantly related. 

Which prompts them to have him test with Dandan and Chilchuck. 

He doesn’t match Dandan. 

But he does match Chilchuck. 

This does not change when he repeats the experiment. 

They then switch out Chilchuck for Brightmerry. 

… And he matches to Brightmerry. 

SEVERAL different trials later involving all the halffoots there confirms it. 

Somehow. Someway. 

He is Chilchuck and Brightmerry’s child. 

Are you surprised? Probably not that was a twist coming a mile away not going to lie. 

Anyways, the story THEY give is that he’s Puckpatti’s twin. They’d been napping outside while with one of Chilchuck’s brothers, when something or another distracted said brother for, at most, two minutes. But then Puckpatti’s twin was gone. He was stolen, although they hadn’t actually KNOWN what had happened, when he was three months. It’s why Puckpatti’s name was, well. Puckpatti. Puck was supposed to be her twin’s name, and they considering having her be Pattipuck, but Puckpatti worked better. It wasn’t particularly odd for twins where only one survived to carry the other twin’s name as either their first or second name. This is also why her usually nickname is Patti instead of Puck. 

Danny and Jazz explain that… yeah, they were taken in. As in kidnapped. Hadn’t wanted the pity points but saying they were adopted felt kiiiiinda wrong. 

Now, this would be a very touching family reunion scene. 

Except now that mirror scratching has started up. 

And its loud. 

And—Oh would you look at that. 

Mirror portal. 

Can you guess who pop through? 

It’s the Fentons! Say Hello to Jack and Maddie. 

It’s a whole confrontation scene, which BASICALLY goes with Maddie and Jack absolutely NOT realizing anything they did wrong, insisting they SAVED Danny, that there were two and it was fine, and BESIDES, JAZZ wanted a little sibling and when ASKED she asked for a brother, so really, its her fault. 

Jazz gets a guilt complex! Chilchuck tells the Fentons that thats NOT HOW THIS SITUATION WORKED, SHE WAS TWO! 

Jazz also has a horrifying memory of when she was four and Danny was two, and asking if they’d like a younger sibling, and that they’d have to agree, but Jazz said yes and Danny said NO and was this why there were only two of them?!?

Danny disowns them, pointedly saying that cutting off a baby’s tail is kind of MESSED UP DON’T YOU THINK.  And they go, well if you’re going to be ungrateful—and he gets like, hella hurt. 

More arguing and fighting, and Danny just kind of lays there and lets himself heal before propping himself back up like. Did. Did you think that would work. You have a magic science workshop that I regularly cleaned did you NOT THINk. THAT WOULD NOT HAVE AN AFFECT. 

The Fentons go ‘oh, he’s a ghost’ and disown him right back, though not in so many words. Whichever members of the Dungeon Meshi group you imagine are there right now take it as ‘he’s a MAGE?!’ 

Danny tricks the Fentons back through the mirror portal and shatter it. From what he guesses, the magic purging done to Laios let there be a slight thinning in the natural magical-ecto-whatever barrier that protected this world from another one. The Fentons didn’t know where the kids went, but might have figured out they went to another world, but couldn’t locate the notes to locate the Dungeon Meshi world. So, instead, they tracked Danny and Jazz themselves. With all the blood testing Danny did in the same room with a thinning veil, that meant they were finally able to break through by using him as an ‘anchor’ to follow through the mirrors. 

Universal constants, remember? Both magic mirrors AND portals are things in both worlds. 

Danny takes this time to go ‘well, they already know anyways’, and uses the opportunity and also all his blood now on the floor to make some quick magic barrier things with Jazz’s help. She’s better at protection sigils, after all, but he’s the more magically powerful. Together, they sort of ‘lock’ the dungeon meshi world. Or, more accurately, they lock out a certain scientific couple. And, because three is a stronger number for magic, they also block out Vlad. Three birds, one stone. 

THEN Danny passes out, you know, like a champion. 

Once awake and reunited with everyone, things begin to simmer down. Sure, Danny was just exposed as a powerful mage to the King, but the king is just like ‘Eh, won’t mention it, I don’t know anything I’m barely sure how I became king most days and I was THERE’. Marcille probably finds out, either because she was there or she’s just really good at finding out things she absolutely should not, also possible interest from a long time over Jazz and Danny and their whole deal. But she’s also just like NEAT. Translate these texts for me and we’re even. 

Danny is not convinced about her smile but goes with it regardless. 

Chilchuck and family are cautiously open to Danny. Of course they’re glad to have him home, but also—he’s lived his entire life ELSEWHERE, so while Chilchuck knows the most about him, he’s still a stranger. 

A few cute fluffy bits about learning about his siblings and his mother and father. Notably—Chilchuck is APPALLED that any child of his doesn’t know how to properly lock pick. Even Fullertom, the MOST disinterested in his line of work, is well aware of how to do it. Brightmerry is fond of reading, and Danny has lots of stories she’s never heard of going through his head. He insists they’re just local stories he’s heard of here and there, but she’s like. Suspicious of it. Not enough to cause him to stop telling her them, though. He also learns of the interests of his sisters, and is also like WHAT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M STILL THE BABY. 

The three girls are also fond of Jazz, surprisingly enough. Like, I’d hardly call them besties, but they get along pretty well. Especially when teasing Danny. Jazz tells them of the occasions she’d dress Danny up as a princess when they were little, and next thing Chilchuck knows, he’s walking in to see his son—not resisting being dolled up, because he loves his sisters already, but also very clearly hoping for an out. 

“Have fun,” he says and leaves immediately before his daughters can drag him into it too. 

Jazz has completed her indoor plumbing project! They no longer have a latrine and cesspit! They have proper toilets AND a filtration system for both incoming AND outgoing water, and along the way she’s made a waterwheel for electricity to power the filtration system AND the heating and cooling systems. They’re ALMOST modern at the Nightingale house! 

From here, things are a bit more loose. 

Danny makes gifts for his family for some kind of festive holiday. For Chilchuck, he gets a wood carving for the night each of his children were born, as well as his own birthday and Brightmerry’s. Since Meijack and Fullertom are twins, as are Puckpatti and Danny, this means four carvings. Each carving is technically a thin piece of darkly painted wood with holes drilled through, but when a light is shined onto the correct side, such as a candle or Jazz’s next project involving lightbulbs, it projects out the night sky. 

Danny consulted a LOT of astrological charts for this thing, but due to how close their dimensions are, the stars were mostly the same between the two. It’s not a universal constant, but the closer two dimensions are, the more similarities there are. 

After all, the Fentons were trying to slip BETWEEN dimensions, which is kind of like sewing but only going through to BETWEEN two pieces of fabric, even if the fabrics are already rubbing against each other. In other words, precision was needed, and there was no point in aiming for a FAR dimension for this, that was more likely to end in failure. 

An alternate for Chilchuck is that Danny finds alcohol in the Infinite Realms to give him, if you want Danny to have more free access to the Realms. Just warns him to only drink it if he WANTS to be completely sloshed, and to maybe not do that at home, haha. 

Anyways, for Brightmerry, he gives her not the next one, but the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, translated and edited for the Dungeon Meshi world. He assures his father they’ll get a copy for print later, but this was the first edition and it was for Brightmerry. 

Meijack got an armband for easily hold and quick access to her most common picklock tools. Kind of like a bracer or that sliding blade thing from Assassins Creed. 

Fullertom, Danny gave her a bunch of blue ribbons and accessories. Jazz had to point out for him that this meant he was supportive of her desire for marriage—Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Usually a tradition reserved for the marriage, but anyways. 

As for Puckpatti, he makes her a magic compass. No matter where she is, she can always ask her to point it where she wants to go. North, South, the next town, home, to a specific person, so on. The first thing she has it point to is to Danny. It’s a much more touching moment than I am capable of writing right this second. 

Uhhhh a plot point I hadn’t integrated yet was that Danny absolutely cannot cook with meat. It was started in the ‘they met during canon dungeon adventure times’ but I hadn’t translated it fully yet. Basically, when Danny tries to cook with meat, it comes alive—like the turkey or the hot dogs in canon, and SOMEWHAT like the familiars do. Of course, it’d be really weird to be able to do that without even trying, and possibly mildly illegal, so they just have Danny not cook meat. Then a draft came to be where Danny was like ‘fine I’ll just SHOW YOU’ to Senshi, and if it was in the dungeon, then he’d use them against a monster, and if it was during post canon, it’d be against his parents. Then the point of WHY all or most of them were together during the Fenton’s break in changed from the dinner party to the genetics test, and there was no reason for Danny to have been cooking. 

Danny finds and introduces Fullertom to a dwarf that she starts dating. Chilchuck isn’t sure if he should be concerned or impressed with the portfolio Danny pulls out when Chilchuck asks about the dwarf and what Danny knows about him. 

Another plot point for why Jazz and Danny were staying so long, outside of finding Danny’s birth family since we have now figured out he WAS developing normally and the whole portal thing was just sorta because of how tricky that power is, is that Princess Dora wanted Danny to find a good host for the Necklace of Aragon so that her brother could no longer claim it. It would, predictably, eventually go to Laios. Also, I am starting to realize I am more partial to Laios than the other characters, whoops. Anyways, I hadn’t figured out if I could or even SHOULD integrate that into the plot. 

Payment for the blood blossoms were going to include five of Fallin’s feathers. They’re magically powerful, and three of them were going to be used for each name that was ‘blocked’ from the Dungeon Meshi world. So one feather for Jack, one for Maddie, and one for Vlad. I haven’t decided if I’d keep that or not, but I also wasn’t sure what to do with the other two feathers, and just asking for three and that HAPPENS to work out, the number being considered magic aside, felt a bit off and too convenient. 

Danny would eventually take on a new name in honor of his birth family. Danbright Chils. Dan is him, obviously, and since he’d be taking Chils for Chilchuck, he decided to take Bright for Brightmerry. (I actually debated between Bright or Bridge. So either Brightmerry and Danbright or Bridgemerry and Danbridge. This is directly because of Danny’s ‘be the bridge’ thing.)

Things are just starting to settle… 

Then, Sidney of all people shows up in Danny’s magic communication mirror. And we get information that due to Jazz and Danny’s mild meddling with the magic-ecto-whatever barriers, that Jazz’s twin has become aware of the fact she once had a twin—basically, Inspector Gordon kind of ‘felt reminded of [Jazz]’ and told Barbara about it. And since Barbara is part of the superheroes club, she was able to find out that not only was her twin alive, but in an entirely different dimension entirely. 

Annnnd that’s all I got. 

It’s a lot! Don’t expect me to publish it! Have a nice day! 

[burningrhino]

Jellystone (BurningRhino Style) Last Wave

Yeah, I figured I might as well include the Biskitts and Moby Dick since there were more that I want to illustrate in my style. Left to right are Waggs, Lady, Shiner and Scat

The Funky Phantom is a lot of things: he's a ghost from the revolution, he's one of the many mascots to a group of mystery solvers, he's Lord Infernicus and he's a wrestler who once went against The Mighty Mightor

Space Wanderers: The Galaxy Trio, Space Ghost, Quack-Up and Scare Bear from Space Race and Galaxy Goof-ups and Bleep from Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space

I went with the Super Secret designs from 2 Stupid Dogs because I thought they looked cooler and the buffalo version of the chief is more diverse compared to the original. I probably should have included Penny for more diversity but oh well

Miscellaneous: You know what Jellystone needed? Jessica Bannon. I barely know who she is, all I know is that she's from the Jonny Quest series, she's related to Race and she looks freaking awesome. She and Jonny totally could have been a couple and the crew knew it needed more women, though, I'm sure that only applies to the animals. I'm also sure that the boys could live similar lives to The Ventures which took inspiration to Jonny Quest

Finally: the series that are so well known that they only get cameos but only as images on objects, voices heard off-screen from a movie or a hallucination

[doctor-octiddius]

This ended up being a long ramble about Siddig's characters whoops

Every time i think about Sid I want to fall to my knees sobbing. I feel like that gif of the wailing emoji that is disintegrating, like just knowing that this man exists gets me so aourhgrhghghhh :'(( I cannot believe that Julian Bashir and Ra's al Ghul are played by the same man; as in, I was incredibly into Gotham back in 2017, a little just before he joined the show and now years later he is stuck in my brain again. I remember every damn frame of him. How is that this same guy. (I wrote "gay" at first, help me 😭 I mean hey, with Sid saying that he played all his straight characters as a bit gay, anything's possible) Also i haven't really interacted with this whole Sid hyperfixation in a lil bit and it's making me so sad, god forbid i have other interests.

Actually, I lied, I keep relistening to the audio dramas he's been in. I'm now hijacking my own post to yell about some of his audio drama characters because they are my favourites ever of all time.

ROSTO FROM THE EIGHT DOCTOR ADVENTURES (Sisters of the Flame/Vengeance of Morbius)

My babygirl being a 10 foot tall centipede cop ??? It's more likely than you think !!! He is literally just that. That's all he is. He makes funky bug sounds when he talks, he's a bit silly, he's so cute, he disconnected himself completely from his home to focus on his job... I love him so bad, I want to hug him, but I think that's a form of affection he just wouldn't understand, but I am willing to try anything. I am ignoring his ending, I was able to save him actually and now he's all good again and we are best friends <3

THE SULTAN/THE SHANAKI FROM DOCTOR WHO: THE MONTHLY ADVENTURES (1001 Nights)

WE GET SID AS THE DOCTOR FOR A BIT TECHNICALLY ??? But also The Shanaki... OOUGGHGHH THE SHANAKI...... This guy has lived through several lifetimes and boy do I need to know all of them. What lives has he led exactly? Like, he could have been anyone, any celebrity, any public figure. What did he do to all of the people whose psyches he stole? Has he actually learned anything through them; have they only ever been human lives? How did the breakdown at the end with him mixing up lives and experiences influence him further on? Please I need to know everything about him immediately.

DR. REESE FROM ALIEN: RIVER OF PAIN

Motherfucker named Bartholomew Reese. He's a bitch. I love him. That is all. Thank you. (I read the book too, and every little description of him I ate up, though the book seemed kinda boring, lacking any suspense etc. I loved the little bit of regret he had before his end, which wasn't shown in the audio at all, even if it was very short and simple.)

THE PERSIAN FROM THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

Don't even get me started on this one. The Persian in general is like my favourite character of all time, but him played by Sid? I am so biased in so many ways. My PotO hyperfixation has led me to so many places, and all I've learnt is that the ALW musical, which I used to worship as a kid, is mid (story wise, I still love the music), and everyone keeps fucking getting rid of the most important character of the story. This audio drama is so good, it's quite faithful to the book, it's the best adaptation in my opinion, I am in love with this daroga.

I feel like I have to mention Ted from The Flat Edge of the Earth, but I have to relisten to it to better form an opinion on all that (I say that since I've listened to all the other audio dramas at least like four times (PotO near 30 times, but we won't talk about that). That's the same reason I haven't mentioned Captain Nemo from one of the DW audios either since I've only heard that once.) He seems very goofy, though, and having just an hour of Sid and Nana in my ears was fun.

But yeah, that is all. If you read through this entire ramble then hi hey :3 I am so normal about his roles

[basyacriptid]

Basya have you ever heard of a game called prey (2017)

I think you'd like it, it has funky monsters ((the phantoms are my fav))

I mean look a that silly face (that's a phantom)

Cody sorryyyyyyy, the gif is really flickery so i layed your ask off for a bit to when i feel better and then i forgot 😭😭😭

Anyway yes i seen!!!!! this a cute creechur but im not really intersted in the game itself!!!!! Thanks for suggestion anyway!!!

[wonderousmonarch]

Kamen Rider Wizard Thoughts #4

he really is showing off his sorcery...

Episode 10

- got the girlfriend in call for this one, she hasn't watched any of it but it's still fun

- bro got the totem of undying

- Phoenix is crashing the FUCK out

- "He's shown his true colors: Red!"

- do the government have a fucking Chaos Emerald?

- Koyomi has hella drip

- uh oh the cops are here

- THEYRE GETTING HIS ASS!

- why this guy's face in the center of his damn body

- he rock!!!

- BIG! PLEASE!

- worlds worst vacation

- oh hey. this is one of the places from The Museum in Double

- leave it to the government to see the hero as a potential threat.

- ooh, Naoki has been a Gate before???

- why are the phantoms restricted to Tokyo?

- Naoki's dad was probably killed by a phantom

- mmm. classic underground factory...

- OH SHIT

- Did this phantom kill his dad? and was his dad also a Gate?

- Haruto coming in clutch

- oh he's busting out the big guns

- BIG SWORD LMAO

- time for his T-Pose Beam

- I'm very intrigued as to what Kizaki did to Naoki's dad

Episode 11

- what is this guy's deal. can he get off Haruto's ass for one second

- this show is making me want donuts

- government man is too stupid and stinky to use the rings

- the rings don't make a wizard the wizard makes the ring

- oh that is not the real Naoki. they're definitely setting a trap for Haruto

- your feeble guns are useless

- fold this man like an omelette. pack him up like a suitcase

- did they just not have Naoki's actor for this episode? he isn't saying anything either

- wuh oh phoenix time!

- oh I was right. that wasn't actually Naoki.

- I love Haruto's fit in this episode. it goes hard

- they made a pact over the chaos emerald so Kizaki would protect his son.... how nice

- dad of the year 2012

- Kizaki you dumbass.

- ATTACK OF THE LITTLE GUYS!!!! THE LITTLE BLORBOS

- THEY CAN FUSE???

- Damnit Rinko. you can quick draw faster than that

- Rip Naoki's Dad, what a goat.

- oops despair time

- hm. y'know I like Kizaki a little more now. not so much that I want him to keep showing up but he's got some points back.

- two guns!

- oh I thought he did the devil may cry pose

- HIS BIG BEAM ATTACK!

- holy shit the fucking hand monster

- I love this thing

- oh this is the first dragon usage since they became a real team. that's nice :D

- time for dragon to become a big foot... why can it do this

- down low, too slow, fucker.

- HE WANTS TO BE A FED??? BAD ENDING!!!!

- oooh new ring ... oh NVM it's still a rock

- earth, fire, water, air, and.... green

Episode 12:

- I need a donut...

- NEW RING TIME :O

- woah! Duos ring!

- oh... stupei ace defective is on the case

- what kind of style is Haruto wearing. i love his little shawls

- oooh I like Valkyrie's design

- ooh sweets shop? call Shoma

- uh oh the ghoul has appeared. he wants the scrumptious treats

- Valkyrie is being so polite.... oh NVM

- THE TREATS!!!!! NOOOOOOO

- Shoma would fucking kill this guy in a second

- man I gotta stop watching shows with major food content at times when I cannot get food. I'm fucking hungry

- damn the food industry sucks. the monsters don't help

- Shunpei sweep

- Haruto should learn some kind of repair spell. it would solve so many problems

- holy shit. this guy is totally the phantom. no one asks for that much

- yeah. he's the phantom. what a fucker

- WAIT THE OWNER WAS THE GATE!!!! FUCK

- oh hey it's that one street where Tycoon and Buffa have a friendly interaction

- I love Haruto's big stupid gun. such a doohickey. thingamajig ass weapon

- copy is such a cool spell

- ooooh GREEN MODE

- gun Shunpei a gun too. let him help

- taking a hostage. what a bastard.

Episode 13

- next I get to watch the movie ;3

- i simply wouldn't be taken hostage. just wouldn't happen to me

- damn he just gave up

- oh they're going to kill Tetsuya

- Shunpei sad arc :(

- uh oh. devious woman has heard

- oh she's about to fold him like paper. she's about to turn his ass into a crane

- funky ass camera angle

- DAMN. STRONG ASS PLASTIC CHAIRS

- "Haruto's my hope" bro in any other context that is the most homosexual thing you can say. although it still is.

- LOCK IN TETSUYA. make the most banger treat ever

- he's making the hope manju qahhhhahahhseh

- awwawawawawaa this is so sweet

- Valkyrie is about to show up sometime soon. this might be bad.

- THE STEAMER THING IN THE BACKGROUND AS HE TURNS FIRE HEHEGEH

- Shunpei! Lock In!

- oh hey it's the place where Gemn tried Hyper Muteki that one time. How Interesting.

- MY GOAT! HE CAUGHT IT

- my boys. I love them.

- THE WINGS!!! HOLY SHITTT

- this series is so fucking cool man.

- the fucking Cyclone.... my goat.

- he got hired :D yayyy

- officially the assistant now.. oh joyous day

I love this series so much. it is so heartwarming and fun and I love just watching Haruto fight.

next up is Movie War Ultimatum.

[wastrelwoods]

Loving your Andrew Lloyd Webber hate idk anything about him I just know I think he's massively overrated. If you have a longer rant or more tea abt him I would love to hear

GOD I did not need more encouragement on this subject but anyway my first actual foray into fandom was Phantom of the Opera so Andy and I have been long acquainted and I have kept up loosely on his bullshit for a over a decade now.

If you go digging for tea what comes up might involve accusations of plagiarism? I don't necessarily know a lot about these or think he's a patented Talentless Hack Music Thief. He does a lot of strong simple melodic lines and several of them have borne resemblances to existing songs and there have been court cases about maybe one or two that ruled in his favor or settled out of court. there's just better reasons to hate him than a stance about whether or not he's good at music. that's subjective!

The OTHER tea you will probably hear about is some highly publicized times he treated cast members like absolute shit. His most recent musical which you may have heard of is a weird attempt to rival the classic Rogers & Hammerstein's Cinderella by making his own fresh funky hip young Cinderella musical which is. not very good. and pitching fits all throughout 2020-2021 because he wasn't allowed to produce a musical in a theatre at some intervals for public safety. and forcing the production through with very little meaningful editing. and calling in over the speakers backstage to angrily bitch out the entire cast the first time the production got a bad review. and going forward with the process of hiring people to replace the original cast when their contracts were up for those who didn't want to renew the contracts, but then abruptly closing the show to transfer it to the united states instead with so little notice that all the people who had just been offered new contracts and cleared their schedules found out that they were unemployed on social media. and changing nothing between the original production and the broadway production but continuing to blame the cast for the increasingly bad reviews. that kind of stuff

in a more general sense he is just a mean rich cunt. he's a baron and a royalist conservative and spent 20 years as a sitting tory member of the house of lords while being so out of touch that he never bothered to come in and vote except in cases where arts funding matters benefitted him and his business personally. and his gripe with the tory party is mostly that they kept shutting down his show due to covid so i suppose he just won't vote about anything ever again

[funussy]

hello sorry to be a bother, but I know you've been struggling with coming up with names for the fresh bad guy gang and have some ideas. Hope you like them and you don't have to use them.

Fresh Killer: for him, I feel like you already came up with the name KilLa. A good reason why it should be his name is he can say it in multiple ways since La is an easy replacer for certain words like; KilLa this party, instead of killing it at this party.

Fresh Horror: I feel like he's very relaxed and likes nature. I feel like he would have chosen his name to be Crunch since many things he encounters in nature go crunch.

Fresh Dust: Psych. I think Psych would be a good name for two reasons. 1 he is a psycho because he killed everyone in the underground. 2 he's a psychic because he sees his Papyrus as Phantom.

Fresh Cross: Blades. He usually carries around a big knife, and I know he roller skates, but maybe he could do rollerblading too.

Frush Nightmare: Funky-Night. Feel like this one's a bit more self-explanatory.

and for the whole group, you can call them the Radical Gang, since radical has a double meaning

You are not a bother in fact this was extremely helpful!! And honestly I plan to use these names because they match perfectly!! Especially Crunch, so adorable and fits him especially with his personality!! I am so in love with these names <33

Though Fresh Nightmare is called FreshMare or Peepaw LMAO BUT AAA TYSMMM <33 THESE ARE THE BEST NAMES IVE HEARD SO FAR

[grailfinders]

Grailfinders Viewers' Choice #16D: Richard the Lionheart

hey, what’s up, it’s ya boy, Richard the Lionheart again. somebody wanted the Richard build but in D&D, and I thought it would be cool. not sure if/when I’ll get to the other Viewers’ Choice builds since a) I’m still catching up to NA again and b) summer is just around the corner, but it’ll probably happen eventually. if WotC doesn’t fuck up again.

anyways, Richie 2.0 is a Glory Paladin to smite at maximum speed, as well as a Swords Bard to be good at literally anything he wants to do.

check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Race and Background

as you likely remember from the pathfinder build, King Richard I is a Human, as well as a Noble. that being said there’s something funky going on in the state of France, so he’s got a Mark of Passage, giving him the standard +2 +1 stats of other races. (we’re also messing with the specifics here thanks to Tasha’s Cauldron, so that’s a +2 to Charisma and a +1 to Strength.) that means you have Courier’s Speed, a permanent +5 boost to walking, and Intuitive Motion, letting you add a d4 to any acrobatics or land vehicle check. riding skill, baby! you can also find Magical Passage once a day with a free use of Misty Step, and you gain some Spells of the Mark which you can add to your spell lists. we don’t pick any up as a bard, but feel free to prepare some using your paladin spells later! the ones you can do that with are expeditious retreat, jump, misty step, pass without trace, blink, and phantom steed.

and again, as a noble you have proficiency in History and Persuasion.

Ability Scores

Richie’s so dang persuasive his soldiers follow his orders in the afterlife, so Charisma has to be high on his priorities. after that is Strength. it’s hard to cut rocks in half without it. unless you’re playing a monk, which we’re not. though that does mean Dexterity is next. I know it’s not “really” needed for speed, but it’ll keep you from tripping, which is pretty dang important when you’re moving twice as fast as everyone else. Constitution comes next. from what I’ve heard Richard’s not unusually tough, but he is a melee fighter, so keeping this stat positive will help immensely. that means your Wisdom isn’t great. that and we’re dumping Intelligence. sorry, we needed everything else more.

Class Levels

1. Paladin 1: starting as a paladin gives you plenty of cool toys to play with, like your new proficiencies in Wisdom and Charisma saves, plus Athletics and Religion.

you can also use a divine sense to detect celestials, fiends, and undead nearby! it’ll tell you the type but not their identity, so i guess its kindof a servant senser? you can also lay on hands as an action, patching up your allies with but a touch! this recharages on a long rest, and it’ll only give you five times your level in hp per day. you can even spend 5 points to heal a poison or disease! we’ll get you some magic resistance later, but this is pretty good for a start.

2. paladin 2: second level paladins can get a fighting style of their choosing, and we’re pickin up interception! now if, say, a big chunk of ceiling is about to hit somebody you can react and use your sword to reduce the damage they take by 1d10 plus your proficiency bonus! you can’t use this on yourself, but you’re a cool dude, right?

you can also cast spells now! you can use your charisma to cast ‘em, and you can swap ‘em out each long rest when you’re bored! that also means we don’t have to go too in-depth about which ones to pick, but I’d definitely grab Compelled Duel or Searing Smite if you have a chance. the former essentially codifies a duel between you and another servant, while the latter is a damage over time kind of smite.

speaking of, you can use Divine Smites now. they’re not spells, but using one will eat up a spell slot, and deal radiant damage based on the level of slot spent. just stick one onto one of your weapon attacks and you’re good! you can use this with just about any melee weapon, so… yeah, noble phantasm 1 achieved.

3. Paladin 3: but that’s just one phantasm, we still have another one to get, plus your other skills! to help with that lightning speed, we need to dive into the Glory oath. this grants you Divine Health, giving you immunity to disease, as well as two ways to Channel Divinity once a short rest. you can either become a Peerless Athlete for advantage on your athletics and acrobatics checks, your carrying capacity is doubled, and you can jump ten feet further! alternatively, you can turn a divine smite into an Inspiring Smite, spending your bonus action after smiting to give temporary HP to nearby creatures.

you also gain access to Oath Spells, a special subset of spells that you can always have prepared without counting towards your limit, even if paladins couldn’t get these spells normally- sort of like your mark spells. right now, you have Guiding Bolt, which deals damage and gives the next attack on your target advantage, and Heroism, which emboldens creatures while giving them temporary HP each turn.

4. Paladin 4: fourth level paladins get an Ability Score Improvement like any other class, so now you can even out your Strength and Charisma scores. only even numbers really count in D&D, so that’s two half-price +1 bonuses to the relevant stuff strength and charisma do. which is a lot on a paladin.

5. Paladin 5: for example, your strength can be used even more now that you have an Extra Attack each attack action, and your charisma helps out a ton with your new second level spells! you get enhance ability for free, giving you advantage on one kind of ability check for a minute, or you can use Magic Weapon to give your stick a little boost. I’d also recommend you pick up Protection from Poison for more magic resistance. everybody knows poisons are magic. or is that friendship?

6. Bard 1: speaking of magic, let’s swap over to bard real quick for more spell slots! you get another list of spells you can cast. you have to mash your classes together to figure out how many slots you have at any given time, so check out your PHB for that. bards get their spells hard-coded in and can only swap them when they level up, so we’ll go into more detail here.

for cantrips, grab Blade Ward for a chance to go on the defensive and take half damage from physical attacks for a round. it’s not usually the smartest move to make, but at least it’s better than True Strike! yeah, we’re not here for much magic, we’re just using bard for extra physicality, a sentence I am sure has never been said before.

that being said, some spells are pretty nice. Animal Friendship will further improve your riding skill, and Feather Fall can keep you from taking fall damage after your Jump and Peerless Athlete-boosted jump launches you 50 feet straight up in the air. Command will help you keep ahead of your knights, which I swear are coming eventually, and Disguise Self will help you blend in with the human populace. I assume this is the kind of thing that happens in other fate works, right?

you also get proficiency in Animal Handling for multiclassing, and you can give allies Bardic Inspiration as a bonus action Charisma Modifier times per day, letting them add a d6 to a check, save, or attack roll of their choice in the next minute.

7. Bard 2: a second level bard is a Jack of All Trades, adding half your proficiency bonus to any check you make that doesn’t already add it, like your initiative. see, you’re faster already! this and Enhance Ability also covers your “good at literally everything” skill. you’re not the best in the party, but you’ll always be ready to give it the old college try.

you also get the song of rest, giving your party more HP when they heal up on short rests! yay, unexplained healing!

you’re also even faster with your new spell this level, Longstrider. speed, you are speed.

8. Bard 3: at third level you can give everything the ol’ college try thanks to attending the college of Swords. with it, you can now cast bard spells through your sword, and you get the Dueling fighting style for an extra 2 damage with one-handed weapons.

more importantly, you can now spend inspiration to make Blade Flourishes in one of three flavors once per turn. a Defensive Flourish deals the inspiration in extra damage and adds it to your AC for a round, a Slashing Flourish deals the inspiration in extra damage to your target and any other creature you choose next to you, and the Mobile Flourish deals extra damage and pushes the target away, giving you a chance to react and get back into range. also, even if you don’t use a flourish your speed will still go up by 10’ when you take the attack action.

you also gain Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus with Religion and Athletics checks. and you gain second level bard spells now, like Borrowed Knowledge, allowing you to have full proficiency in any skill you wish for an hour.

9. Bard 4: fourth level bards get an Ability Score Improvement like any other class, but we’re going to cash this one in for a feat. the Crusher feat can add a point to your Constitution, as well as greatly improve your unarmed attacks and any other bludgeoning weapons you choose. once a turn you can push a creature you hit with a bludgeoning attack five fee, and when you score a critical hit, attacks targeting that creature get advantage for a round. it’s not quite the unarmed fighting style, but it’ll definitely make your boxing skills more noteworthy.

you can also make a Light with the cantrip of the same name for a shiny sword, and you can make a Kinetic Jaunt with a spell slot, adding to your speed, preventing anyone from attacking you opportunistically, and letting you pass through people as long as you don’t end your turn inside of them.

10. Bard 5: the fifth level of bard is the best level of bard, because you’re now a Font of Inspiration, so your inspiration dice recharge on short rests instead of just long ones. on top of that, your inspiration dice are now d8s instead of d6s, and you learn third level spells!

spells like Intellect Fortress, which will give you advantage on all intelligence, wisdom, and charisma saves to supercharge your magic resistance! just ignore that next level it’s fine just focus on the cool spell.

11. Paladin 6: six level paladins get an Aura of Protection, adding your charisma modifier to all your saves, supercharging your magic resistance! just ignore that last level it’s fine just focus on the cool feature of your class.

12. Paladin 7: that’s not the only aura of coolness you’ve got though! as a seventh level glory paladin, your Aura of Alacrity gives you another 10’ boost in speed to you and anyone standing within five feet of you.

13. Paladin 8: use this ASI to bump up your Strength. I don’t have anything witty for this level, you just hit better now.

14. Paladin 9: ninth level paladins get the vaunted “third level spells”! the most important one here is your oath spell Haste, which can double your speed and give you an extra action each turn for dashing or attacking once. whichever you pick you’ll speed up at least a little bit thanks to your flourishes! you also get Protection from Energy for damage resistance, or Crusader’s Mantle to turn all your knights into paladins. I swear they’re on their way just hold on a sec.

15. Paladin 10: our final level of paladin comes with a final aura, the Aura of Courage, which prevents you or nearby allies from being frightened. it’s not that flashy, but it’s wayyyy better than bard’s next level.

16. Bard 6: speak of the devil, it’s bard’s next level! Countercharm takes an action to use and is pretty much a worse Aura of Courage, and Extra Attack doesn’t stack.

at least you can speak in Tongues now?

17. Bard 7: at seventh level you can use fourth level spells, finally giving you your first knight, the Phantasmal Killer! …which isn’t a creature, so it can’t have the crusader’s mantle on it. darn. still, it’s kind of a summon. we’ll work on getting something more corporeal.

18. Bard 8: at level eight you get one last ASI, so grab the Resilient feat to round out your Constitution and give you proficiency in constitution saves. it sucks to drop concentration on summons, and a +12 will go a long way towards helping with that.

you also have a Freedom of Movement now, which will help you speed your way out of any difficult terrain or getting chained up.

19. Bard 9: at ninth level you get a better song of rest, yes, but you also get fifth level spells! with Planar Binding you can keep your summons on this plane of existence for a full day rather than just an hour or so with concentration. it’s really expensive, but you’re a) a 19th level adventurer, and b) you can upcast it up to seventh level right now for a month-long knighthood. now we just need to get the summons…

20. Bard 10: at tenth level bards can get those summons thanks to knowing Magical Secrets, giving you two spells from any spell list. Conjure Woodland Beings will allow you to summon a mob of fae creatures at a time, while Summon Celestial gives you one glowy paladin to pal around with.

while we’re on the topic of spells, you get one last cantrip like Message to speak with your Master in silence.

your Bardic Inspiration dice increase one last time to d10s, and you get another round of Expertise in Animal Handling and History.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

given enough time you can just. have a private army of celestials and fey now. they probably won’t be thrilled to work for you, but that’s when the charisma comes into play. go forth, abuse the action economy as you see fit!

you’re also just. stupidly fast. your base speed is 55’, and with haste you can get up to 110 feet normally, or 130’ if you attack someone with two actions. monks wish they were you. and you can mobile flourish to add another 130’ onto your movement speed for no goddamn reason.

your saves are ridiculous, with a +4 bonus to everything and possibly advantage on your one weak save by using Intellect Fortress, magic just kind of doesn’t work on you that well.

Cons:

your friends are expensive, needing 1,000 gp per binding. plus you don’t actually get them until level 20, by which point they’re not useful for much more than guard duty in your private castle.

no matter how fast you go, you’re still a saber, so you can’t do much at range. the second an enemy learns how to fly it’s over for you.

you don’t need that much speed. it’s a nice flex, but I doubt your DM’s going to include that many situations where being able to go across the map and back in a single turn is super useful.

[littlewalken]

Sep 3

It goes without saying if you're in any hobby long enough you'l run in to a bargain because someone doesn't know or doesn't care what they have or it's the last one which is probably cursed and they want it out of their damn shop. And yeah, it might seem like the scalpers and flippers have all the luck, but often it happens because you're a persistence hunter. Or you're a generally good person who does chaotically good things and the universe wants to reward you.

My Phantom of the Paradise, well, it's the last one, the box isn't in great shape it's got a lot of shelf wear, none of the usuals at the comic book funky pop collectables store want him, we'll give you free shipping. I wasn't buying his box, which I d still have, I was buying the one that came with the plunger. Paradise fans know about the plunger. Isn't that right robot mask wearing duo in all leather?

The Mini Dollfie Dream was in the collector's case at the junk store, they knew that much to keep her behind glass, but she's not a bride doll or a fancy Barbie. Couldn't even see more than her arm because of the other "collectables" in front of her. But I know what a dollfie arm looks like. What ever they wanted I was going to pay. I've paid more for new Barbies and Monster High at Walmart. That musty grandma's garage where we smoke weed smell came right off.

That's a cute doll, I've never heard of Alchemic Labo before, is that an anime? Who's Lusis? Is she the main girl or something? Hell if they know. But she with her two face plates, regular which I plan to scrub it's not factory, and asleep and a yawn/sneeze plate I found elsewhere with shipping and taxes are still less or about what I paid for the Chibi Unoa.

So thank you fairy doll person.

I wonder in the back of my mind if the Lusis smells, I can take care of that, or what but she's going to hang out here. My Obitsu 60 is in ragged shape but he's still here. Some times dolls leave but a fair amount get to stay forever.

Of course I'll be in the market for an Ange face plate eventually, and any others I don't have, that's always been the draw for me to get a Unoa.

Another thought that had crossed my mind for my doll money was to get a different head for the Volks MDD. They're all anime style so it wouldn't make any real difference in her looks. She's a kludged Cardcaptor Sakura, going by how the wig is cut, and so she'll stay. Did make her a pink coat hat cape outfit but still dealing with the fact she's the first of the DOA on topics I've never been able to bond with.

Not for sale tho because she fits a size and brand niche no one else does.

[space-dreams-world]

More DP x DC au prompts:

_ Amity's Exception: If you listen to DISTRACTIBLE Podcast featuring Markiplier, Bob and Wade on Spotify or YouTube, then you would have heard the episode with the Aladdin exception. So it's a similar concept, where the only people that can really help amity are either magicians or the non-meta batfamily.

_I'm a monster and I'll make you suffer: Danny is tired, tired of all the hate he gets, from the town he is trying to protect, from the GIW who want to eradicate his species, from his bullies and Vlad, from Sam and Tucker voicing their opinions on ghosts and not letting him think for himself and definitely from his crazed up ghost-hunting parents. One day, a big battle happens between him and another ghost that result in a misunderstanding, that they can both agree it was a mistake, but the fentons show up and start spewing bias nonsense about ghost kind. Sam publicly tries to defend the ghost, but ultimatly is bribed by her parents to confirm the fentons bias. Danny vehemently denies their facts and says he is not a monster, though they firmly believe he is one. Unknowingly, Circe or Klarion is in town and decides to cause some chaos. (Ghost have an funky reaction to magic.)

Circe or Klarion hits Danny with a spell at the same time as the fentons shoots their ghost revealer weapon and the whole town watches as their hero mutates into an eldritch creature. At first Danny screeches in pain as his form shifts, his face melts off to show his now space like skin, four more sets of eyes appear on his face all fully the neon green, his fangs become more pronounce and elongated, he slowly grows another set of arms with claws, a tail, two pairs of wings and a set of horns on his head, all matching his space skin. He is also quite bigger in this form and all his scars are visible. Suddenly the former phantom screeches, paralyzing all around him with fear as he books it out of town. (Sidenote that screech was so powerful, he was able to close the Portal to amity including Masters one in amity as he was the one to introduce ectoplasm to amity park.)

After Eldritch Phantom leaves, only the fentons are really happy before realizing their son is gone, so when Jazz and Danny's friends explain what really happened and where Danny is, they are shocked to discover that they sent their boy away, they decide they are going to find Danny and help him get back to normal before figuring out how to support his new changes. (Not great! Jack and Maddie, but they care for their son.)

Meanwhile, Vlad is searching for Danny with Skulker hoping to manipulate him into joining his side and curing his new form. To his surprise, Danny's new form is too much too handle and is forced to retreat. (Danny is definitely stronger than Vlad, due to the exposure of pure ectoplasm and the size of the portal. Keep in mind, Danny's brain is similar to a wild aggressive animal now, and while Danny struggled as a human ghost, he has no problem curb-stomping Plasmius now.)

Somehow this gets on JL or YJ radar and are forced to confront E! Danny. It's a difficult battle for whoever is fighting him, till the resident feeling reader attempt to read E! Danny's mind. All the team hear is <Pain... Fear... Sorrow... Anger...Betrayal...Too Young to Suffer... Alone... Child..> and that's what clues themselves in on something different about this foe. They are able to calm him down somewhat.

At the same time, the Fentons and Jasmine have clued onto Danny's signature and are approaching him. Danny sees them and starts to freak out more thinking they were here to end him. Jasmine is the only one safe enough to practically be beside eldritch! Danny and he won't panic. The team asks who the fentons are and they reply that they are the boy turned beast's parents. They somehow are able to get E! Danny to the watchtower where the resident magicians are able to craft bracelets that will hide Danny's new true form, while his parents try to figure out how to reverse the effects of their invention on Danny. ( They don't realize magic was involved, so it did not work.)

When Danny is able to speak again, his parents profusely try to apologize for hurting him, but it's a little too late. Danny gives them an ultimatum: Either destroy or move their life's work and focus more on the family, with more scientific proof of their theories or lose both Jasmine and himself forever. It's because Danny explains to them that Jazz and himself shouldn't have been to be the responsible ones in the family at a young age, that Jazz shouldn't have taken the role of Mom to take care of Danny, that they should notice when he comes injured by bullies and not assume it's ghost and listen to them for christ sake. That Danny and Jazz's lives are permanently damaged by literally growing up with unstable and untested chemicals and guns around them.

Route A: They agree to the demands, are forced to attend family counseling with the kids and rework their entire world views.

Route B: They disagree, thinking they know better than their kids. The fentons are sentenced to jail for child endangerment, child abuse, needing mental help among many others and all their asset are frozen and given to their kids.

If Vlad even tries to adopt Danny and Jazz, it will get denied because the JL know who Danny is and he has told them all about Vlad and his methods, the GIW and the Anti-Ecto Acts, so even if Vlad looks in his direction, it's automatic engage on site.

[peachringwithpiss]

Inside Job music + dance hc

Ok so I was thinking about this earlier so now you guys have to deal

Reagan

I literally can only see her listening to the radio

Like flipping through stations everyday to fit her mood

She likes 2000s pop/punk though and has a youtube playlist of her favorite songs

What I'm trying to say is she's basic but will jam to MCR if given the chance

She does like the white woman shimmy but other than that cannot and does not dance lmao

Brett

80s rock like this is just canon

AC/DC, Bon Jovi, Journey, Guns N' Roses, Dave Matthews Band lmao

The whole nine yards

But just like imagine walking past the most unthreatening person in the office and hearing "welcome to the jungle" blasting out of his headphones

Since he was a goth/jock in high school he will also listen to shit like MCR with Reagan

90'S COUNTRY

LISTEN JUST HEAR ME OUT!!!!!!

Ok 1. Since he was born in the 90s I feel like thats what he would have been hearing on the radio and 2. YOURE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME BRETT HAND WOULD NOT LISTEN TO GARTH BROOKS

His playlists are a fucking mess

We all saw the clip, he heard dance like no ones watching and took it heart

Like don't even try to insult him cus I'd like to see you do better with that much confidence

Anyway thats enough of Brett

Glenn

Glenn listens to SiriusXM ASHDLSKDHALDJDSL

Specifically Willie's Roadhouse

Like Johnny Cash vibes fr

He has an Amazon Music playlist that's just the American anthem on loop for 10 hours

He is secretly really into like dad rock/metal

So like Rob Zombie, Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Nirvana

When he got divorced he blasted ABBA and Fleetwood bc they reminded him of his ex

He can square-dance nothing else

Andre

He has a playlist for literally any occasion

Disco/dance?- Camel by Camel (he would listen to it unironically), Funkytown, Earth Wind + Fire, Play That Funky Music

Girlboss(aka gigi)- Doja, cupcakKe, Lizzo, Nicki, Full Tac, Shakira, Lily Allen, Harry Styles, Lady Gaga, Yung Gravy

Sad- Mitski, Cody Fry, Hallelujah(shrek ver.), The Moldy Peaches

Random(aka myc lmao)- Soul Bossa Nova, icp, Oingo Boingo, the entire mlp discography, A Cruel Angel's Thesis, Dan Bull, The Living Tombstone

You get the gist they're all over the place, but he also has a curated playlist for everyone in the gang so give him the aux fr

I like to think he took ballroom lessons when he was younger so if ever needed he could do about any well known style

Other than that he dances about as well as you'd expect from someone who is constantly high

Gigi

I basically already said the gist of it in Andre's

She is the definition of Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss

What people dont know is that she is a total theater nerd

She has the entire 3 hours of Hamilton memorized and can recite it verbatim

In the heights? Yup. Rocky Horror? You bet your ass. Grease? Regrettably lmao

Her comfort movie is Dirty Dancing

She probably had an aneurysm when Mamma Mia came out

She photoshops her Spotify Wrapped every year, because having The Phantom Of The Opera in her top 5 isnt exactly on brand

Speaking of she can hit christines high notes lmao

The only person here that can actually dance

She eats and leaves no crumbs

Myc 💀

You know male manipulator music

Yeah that

Askaldhalksdfgds

MSI, ICP, Hollywood Undead, Filthy Frank

And like no one can tell if its ironic or not and theyre frankly too scared to ask

He also listens to like 80s era er0tic club music

So like Love Shack- The B-52s, Super Freak- Rick James, Girls on Film- Duran Duran, Carless Whisper- George Michael

I want you to look me in the eyes and explain to me how Myc would dance....

Thats right he can't............ not as a mushroom that is

As a human he'd tear that shit up are you kidding me

They would be one of those people that can dance when there's not music

Alpha-Beta

I'm only adding AB because ❤him❤

He would and could listen to hours of static he doesnt need to listen to music

But that doesnt mean if you took a radio down to him he'd be mad

(Ps he really like the friends theme song and if you told him there was an extended vers hed have a conniption)

Cannot dance because he has one arm and no legs, but even if he had legs he doubts he'd ever dance

Thats a lie this domestic bitchboy would 100% dance with a partner hes just an asshole

OMG this was my first time writing something like this, I hope y'all like it :)

[cloudsrust]

Have you watch The Cuphead Show? Do ya have any thoughts on it?

Actually just finished watching the whole thing yesterday-!

Honestly it reminded me a lot of the funky cartoons I watched as a child- simple stories and a lot of visual humor- so I'd say it hit the right spot for me.

I just wish we had the chance to see more of the game bosses though (Had especially hoped for Werner Werman, Cagney Carnation and the Phantom Express.. and Calamaria,,).

Also really wanted to see Dice more but that's just me missing the guy :,>, his episode still got one of the coolest shots of the serie with that buttery smooth spin- heck still thinking about that.

I've heard there is going to be a second season though so I'm crossing my fingers for that!

What else mhh- ah, Cup and Mug's voices were on point, just chef kiss, took me a while to get used to Devil's but ended up loving that too for him, but Dice's though- still ain't sure about it, but it might be 'cause I'm too used to the singing voice of his theme.

For the rest I just loved it-!

[opossumanonymous]

How did he get in this mess?

Warnings: Inko literally uses her quirk to pull out AFOs pubic hair because I don't think anything else would immobilize him temporarily, talk of inko using her quirk to pull organs, guns mentioned

I wrote this on my phone so sorry if anything looks funky for computer users. If I made any mistakes or any characters are too ooc please tell me. Also this is a fanfic featuring AFO as Midoriya Hizashi and Inko as a ex-Black Widow and mostly features them please enjoy!~

******************************************************

How did he get in this mess, face kissing the floor and completely caught off guard?

Hizashi wasn't quite sure himself actually. One minute he was doing some 'work' before he heard the voice of his wife over his shoulder.

"Hizashi, what are you doing?"

Then he was on the floor a nearly blinding pain spread over his body leaving him in fetal position unable to think of nothing else.

Once his mind got clear again he turned his head to the side looking up at the woman who he thought was his wife. Her usually gentle smile was gone leaving a cold look on her face as she read through his files. One of her hands out stretched towards him while the other clicked through the computer.

Which made him briefly realize he may have to put plan B into action but before that he had to know if this was his wife or someone else. Last thing he wanted was to do something reckless if this wasn't his wife.

"Who-" Before Hizashi could utter a word he felt another painful pull causing him to ball up even further trying to somehow ease the pain. He choked on air as Inko? Stared at him with a blank expression now turned away from the computer. She crossed her legs as she watched him wither in pain looking at with him cold emotionless green eyes.

Who was this woman she can't be Inko! It gave him brief fear realizing that a shape-shifting spy might have tricked him somehow. After all theres no way his sweet wife could ambush him, let alone be capable of hurting him this badly! But if this is someone with a shape-shifting quirk there's no way they would also have wife's quirk as well. Unless they can copy the quirks of people they shape-shift into but then-

"So was this what you were doing while I was comforting our son?"

His eyes widened at that realization, it hit Hizashi hard as he broke out in a cold sweat. He looked up at Inko who still had that chilling look on her face making Hizashi for the first time in 200 years feel...afraid.

He didn't know whether to be impressed at her or disgusted in himself, him, All for One, the symbol of evil, the villain who has brought many heros and villains alike to their knees is...afraid? It sounds unreal just thinking about it that someone could still scare him.

Not by much but still it was a feat that no one before her had done in a long time.

He felt like he was getting whiplash knowing that the same woman who cooked him breakfast nearly every morning, who cried at anything sad or happy, and cuddled up to him at night was looming over him like some villain.

"Hizashi speak up your mumbling." She spoke harshly as he felt another pull, he's starting to lose feeling in his legs.

"I already knew." He said breathless feeling defeated almost, yet another feat none before her had accomplished. He could almost hear his brother laughing from his grave at this point. "What?" Her forehead wrinkled the cold look leaving her face for a moment making her look more like the Inko he knew.

"I checked Izuku years ago, I had my suspicions when he didn't develop his quirk after he turned 5. While I can't tell what a quirk is if I don't know it, I can sense them." He told her truthfully "When I reached into his subconscious one night after I tucked him in bed, I found no sign of a quirk." He knew their was a chance Izuku would be quirkless anyway, Hizashi was from the first generation of quirk users after all.

But he would never give his son a quirk, no he's not going to let history repeat itself, if there's anything he's learned in his 200 years of life it's never give your hero loving relatives a quirk.

Plus being a hero is 10 times more dangerous now, no thanks to him, he'd rather his precious son live quirkless.

Despite the ridicule quirkless people get from society atleast he won't ever get badly hurt or worse killed. Luckily Hizashi had a back up plan just in case he needed to protect his family from themselves.

But seeing Inko looming above him is starting to make him think about adding more reinforcements to the vault. After all she's not so much of a gullible woman like he once thought she was.

"I see but that doesn't change anything, you weren't there for our baby when he needed you most. That's why after this you're going to march into our sons room and comfort him like a good father should." He almost winched at her harsh tone. He honestly didn't know if he should be scared or not. He did still have an arsenal of quirks he could use but none that were non lethal from a long range he could use on her.

"And if I don't, what will you do?" He was curious in all honesty after all it's not every day your usually gentle and emotional wife does a 360 degree personality change on you.

"Then I'll keep ripping out your pubic hairs till you comply." He felt a slight tug again at the slight flick of her wrist causing him to flinch.

He had felt tempted to challenge her, now realizing it was a mistake seeing as she has him by the balls...literally.

"And if you try anything...well you'll be surprised at how many organs count as a small objects." She said with a chilling smile which he almost hates to admit made him flinch.

He always knew her quirk was suspicious despite only being limited to small objects it could still be a deadly quirk if used right. The number of deadly weapons considered small objects was big and considering she only needs a vague idea of where an object is located to pull it to her which includes organs...Hizashi's starting to realize he didn't really know his wife like he thought he did.

After all who would've guessed his sweet Inko would use her quirk so...creatively. He nodded, head still pressed to the hard wood floor of his office.

Inko gave a sigh of relief as she genuinely smiled running her hand through her green locks. "Good I'm glad we could come to an agreement." Hizashi felt the release of her quirk as she sat back legs still crossed.

He slowly sat on all fours before rising to his knees still feeling phantom pains with each slight movement.

Once he was on his knees he wrapped his arms around her waist laying his head in her stomach. She gently caressed his head of white curls causing him to sink further into her and let out a content hum. After a while he looked up at her, the cold look on her face gone now taking a more softer expression.

"I knew you where a villain since the first week after we got married." Hizashi didn't think Inko could shock him anymore but that honestly got him, and yet again she conquered another feat.

He would have never guessed that she knew about him being a villain before now. "Honestly I felt like I got rusty since I found out so late, but I guess living a normal civilian life will make anyone like that." She smiled gently at him looking more like the Inko he knew. Or atleast thought he knew, she was one of the most ordinary people he met from her average nursing job to her adorable naiveté at times.(which he now knows was probably just an act) She played him like a fiddle, he underestimated her and made him fall even harder for her.

That's right, he didn't think it was possible to love her even more than he already did, but this moment proved that wrong.

"Wait then if you knew why did you stay and why wait until now to bring it up?"

She furrowed her eyebrows again before turning her head away from him thinking about her answer for a second before looking back. "I'm not exactly who I said I was either..." She trailed off with a far away look in her eyes almost like she was looking through him and not at him.

He took her hand which had stopped rubbing his head and brought it to his cheek. This seemed to help her focus again as she gave him a tired smile.

"I'm not a good person either Hizashi I've done alot of things that I now regret." For a moment he guessed that she was an ex-villain that he'd just never heard of.

Although that was very unlikely seeing as he liked to keep tabs on most high profile villains to find anyone with good...potential. Inko definitely wasn't a low class villain she just didn't fit the profile of a bank robber or common street thug. Her aura gave off a more experienced air to it not to mention no low class villain would have the guts to look him in the eye once finding out who he really is.

"I was once apart of an organization who specialized in training those considered...unless in society." The way she said useless held a malice to it despite her still having a smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"They kidnapped me and many other young girls most of them either being quirkless or having 'weak' quirks." Quirkless trafficking while rare nowadays still went on but he'd never heard of an organization making quirkless people assassins. Wlep there's a first time for everything he guessed.

"They trained and raised all of us to be assassins, to put it simply, they chose us because they knew we'd be underestimated."

Assassins? If someone had told him is lovely wife was secretly an assassin he'd laugh in their face before killing them for saying such a thing. But now after being brought to his knees by her he honestly isn't surprised, at this point he'd believe anything that came out of her mouth. She could tell him she could kill someone with only a plastic spoon and he'd believe her.

"I was one of the lucky ones i was able to escape before my 'graduation' if you could call it that. I was even able to find my birth certificate after months of digging through missing persons reports." She now went back to stroking his white curls as she spoke.

"After escaping I decided to live the life my mother wanted me to or at least I like to think she'd want me to." He knew she was an orphan, she'd told him that on their second date he never thought much about it.

He never even really looked into her mother much either only knowing that she died when Inko was young and that she was Nana Shimura's sister. When he found this out at first he was suspicious but over time he let his guard down, if that was a mistake is still up for debate.

"They called us Black Widows." He'd heard that name before but it's been so long, last time he heard the words Black Widow he was reading a comic book to his sick brother. It's either unoriginal or genius considering most will only think of the comic book hero Black Widow opposed to it being a real organization.

Finally getting the feeling back in his legs he stood up stretching slightly while she watched him. He stared down at her now that he had the high ground it was time to give her what she deserved.

He leaned down towards her his hands coming up to her face menacingly. But she just sat there unfazed with a serene look on her face, their was no real use in trying she knew he wouldn't hurt her. He held her face as he leaned in and gave her lips a gentle kiss.

After pulling away he took her hand and helped her out of his office chair. "Now time to go see about Izuku hopefully I can get him out of his depressed mood."

Giving her a true smile only reserved for his family he lead her out of his office not before shutting down his computer and locking the door.

"Yes please talk to him because I didn't know what to do than to apologize to him." She sighed clearly distressed. "While it has been a long time since I escaped somethings I still just don't know the right words for." She looked defeated like she didn't just have Japan's greatest villain nearly kissing her feet.

"It's fine darling soon Izuku will go back to being that happy kid again, you'll see." He gave her a final kiss before heading to Izukus room ready to help his son or else face the wraith of his wife.

He briefly wondered just how good of an assassin his wife is and just how many she's killed. But quickly shook those thoughts away as he entered his son's All Might themed room.

While he'd never ask her anything more about her past as a Black Widow he soon came to realize she was highly skilled as he watched his son on TV.

He was watching UAs sports festival with Tomura at his current hideout the boy exclaiming in shock at this year's winner.

The one to take first place was UAs first quirkless student Midoriya Izuku who took out the competition with only a pair of electroshock bracelets as wepons.

Not to say that it was only the support tools that secured his win, the way he bended dodging attacks and hit his opponents with devastating blows to the head made him nearly laugh out loud.

It was almost hard to believe that this was the same kind boy he once tucked in bed but he had to admit his son was quite reckless.

He's in all honesty proud of his son especially for beating Mizuki's brat whose bullied his poor son for years. While he isnt happy that his son's well on his way to being a hero atleast Inko trained him well.

Just how did Hizashi get in this mess he'd hoped quirklessness would make his son reconsider being a hero but it seems Inko had other plans.

*****************************************************

Extras:

So originally Inko was gonna hold him at gun point but I felt like AFO wouldn't be sacred of a gun so....

Also Inko has wepons (mostly guns) hidden in every wall in the apartment after all you never know when the red room might strike.

Inko still gets chubby but not from stress over Izuku being quirkless it's more so over the red room possibly finding him and taking him. She's still bad ass tho, can kill anyone with a just plastic spoon.

She also ran away from the red room before they could sterilize her.

Izuku does eventually get One for all but it's after the sports festival instead, tho he does still parade as a quirkless hero even after One for all.

He also is a vigilante on the side under the name Black Widow tho most think he's a girl because of the Black Widow reference. He even wears his mom's old Black Widow suit.

You could say he's hero Deku by day and vigilante Black Widow by night!

AFO totally knows it's him tho because he knows Inko wouldn't be that reckless or feral.

Izuku has no idea his loving father is AFO but knows his mom's an ex-assassin.

[phantomswolf]

OKAY GOOD EVENING IM AWAKE NOW

ITS TIME FOR THE STORY SO SIT DOWN OR STAND UP OR WHATEVER im personally laying down coz i have a stomach ache. i’ll also be sharing the gender fuckery for the whole queer image

ANYWAY

ITS LONG SO HERE’S A READ MORE.

the year is 2014. mid august. i’m browsing the dash of my personal blog a bit obsessively, but that was par for the course. i had a vague understanding of queer identities, enough where one of my first ships was a gay polycule and i thought it was awesome and made sense (don’t ask me what ship unless you want a really long winded explanation, but i do still ship it today and it’s still awesome.) REGARDLESS. there there were 2 on there that i didn’t actually recognize!

being pan and aro.

now, if you know anything about me as i am today, you’d probably assume “oh, so you realized you liked every gender?”

WRONG.

I FUCKING HATED THE IDEA OF DATING SOMEONE.

However! it did clue me in on a new gender identity i hadn’t yet heard of at that point; being agender/nonbinary. but that isn’t relevant. for now.

i remember excitedly running down the stairs as SOON as i was like “THERES A WORD FOR IT.” and waking my mom the FUCK UP from her nap to tell her that i had figured out Everything. (not gonna get into how my family was growing up, just know that i wasn’t nervous about telling them at all)

so, a few months go by. in december, i decided that i was going to go by strictly they/them and that lasted… all of a month. because i opted for being GENDERFLUID BABYYYY.

now, this is where it gets fun.

i started kinda feeling like i had to be romantically interested in people (but i certainly didn’t want to). i mean, a lot of my peers began talking about it and dating at that point. it was stressful and confusing and i landed on the label demihomoromantic (SPOILER: this won’t be the last time you see this). it was particularly fun because “hey phantom, weren’t you genderfluid which direction did the homo lean if any?” WOMEN.

author’s note: a safe assumption to make from the beginning is that i was incredibly disinterested in sex. asexuality will persist throughout. i’ll let you know if that changes during this.

a few more months pass. i really didn’t know how to feel about everything and still didn’t really feel attraction. everything was so wild and confusing. i ended up winding back to being agender and aromantic until i was 15. but i will let you know, i cut my hair really short when i was 14 (my hair used to be INSANELY long, like down to my asscrack long. so that’s a fun fact)

the year was 2016. a year i hardly remember in the grand scheme of things, but at least i remember this.

the age i became trans full on! i belieeeeeve i got a binder at this point? i’m pretty sure anyway. and i fucking HATED my body. and i still HATED the idea of dating, but again. pressure. i don’t actually remember what i identified as during this time. stressed?

during this time i was full on sex repulsed. this was an incredibly noteworthy thing about myself during that time. any sexual remark made and i would PARRY that shit.

age 16. this is where it gets funky again. i kinda felt like i REALLY had to date someone. BUT AGAIN: DIDN’T FEEL ANY ATTRACTION, BUT I WAS LIKE “HUH. MEN SURE ARE COOL.” which you’ll find is relatively consistent going forward!

now, a fun thing to acknowledge here is talking about attraction and how it’s relevant to everything here. i really didn’t know what attraction felt like. i was thinking it was like when you had a friend you really liked and wanted to spend forever with. THIS IS INSANELY RELEVANT LATER SO MAKE NOTE. i had a hard time differentiating platonic feelings and romantic ones. what i was feeling here were platonic.

17. more or less the same thing as 16. not much to note here, but it was a pretty fucked up time for me. hurrah!

NOW. FOR THE BIG OL’ 18 YEAR OLD PHANTOM.

JANUARY 2020. My gender just fucking EXPLODED. so i will NOT be detailing that going forward. just know that it’s the same as it is today, but i’m more like. weird with it now.

i also decided during this time that i probably was NOT in fact aromantic. i was in fact very lonely! but still unsure of the whole romantic orientation situation.

But dear fucking god if I didn’t figure that shit out on April 26th, 2020.

why is that specific date so important?

That’s my anniversary, baby!!!

I FIGURED THAT SHIT OUT. I LIKED MEN, BUT MORE SPECIFICALLY I LIKED MY BEST FRIEND. ALL IT TOOK WAS A BORDERLINE GODDAMN BLOOD OATH.

the final verdict:

demihomo (MEN.)

man people thinking my gender identity process was weird aren’t ready for the absolute 180 that was figuring my sexuality and romantic attraction out