#if she does resign it wont be without a fight

[neoneun-au]

and this hybe shit is also developing nicely yes very curious to see wtf happens

[crguang]

HI HELLO SHALOM INTERRO ??? THOUGHTS ??? HOW DO WE FEEL ABOUT CHIEF BEING THE PERSON TO BREAK THE PARADEISOS LOBOTOMY

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANEEEEEEEEEEE. UNBELIEVABLE. WHAT????????! they are intrinsically linked together. at once by the shackles, paradeisos, loss of self, mutual liberation and their inevitable end perceived by others. they’re literally the same. shalom pre-lobotomy is chief pre-awakening; refusing to be controlled, full of vitality, hatred and defiance (as defined by having freedom). i have so many thoughts in my head and it’s hard to concretize them all but the language shalom used to talk about how chief opened the door for doubt in her mind stroke me, it’s so violent. “rift” “corrupting” “shattering” “beast/monster” “tore me apart”… it really conveyed how shocking of a transition it must have been for her to suddenly feel those “unnecessary emotions” that had been taken from her for 8 years. even more, it must be so surreal to understand that you’ve been dissected in two, dehumanized and objectified while simultaneously being able to gaze upon that part of yourself that cries in indignation. if she was truly emotionless it wouldn’t mean a thing, but she’s not… she’s so incredibly self-aware. i think this is what makes it so sad for me, knowing you have an expiration date based on your usefulness because you were “made” for one purpose while being able to feel pleasure and have desires, etc— to understand the weight of what has been snatched from you by people who think themselves righteous when they’re really just a bunch of fear-stricken cowards would have anybody go crazy. seeing what paradeisos did to her made me so sick. the apathy with which they treat every threat to themselves is shocking but straight up mocking her will to live for herself by calling the monster they’ve made using (a part of) her Rebel made my stomach churn like that is so disgusting… shalom is aware of the severity of what paradeisos did to her and it’s sick that she has to risk everything just for less than a 1% chance of success that doesn’t even include her survival mind you. im just SICKK

to think she was so full of life and fighting spirit and is now reduced to “resigned” looks and smiles, compared to an instrument and a doll— oh my god sev it made me so uncomfortable. i know that during the loyalty test in the consciousness observatory or whatever, she was essentially embodying paradeisos but reading her being described as “doll-like” “void” and such was so tough… for chief to get that impression of her being an empty shell, expression that shalom uses again in the end to describe herself, then for shalom wonder if she’s even human afterwards made me so sadddd 😭 i do like these two excerpts though because i feel like it describes the duality of her character well, the surface level at least. the fact that she is capable of being genuine and has mastered the art of “embodying paradeisos” so that they wouldn’t notice that flaw makes her impossible to figure her out without diving into her psyche. even chief couldn’t understand her fully, she wont be able to now that she’s forgotten her. she’s so wonderfully complex and her interrogation portrayed that concept super well.

ive talked about shalom and her smiles before but another thing that’s always struck me as odd was that she kinda laughed too much for an unfeeling robot. im not talking about her cute little chuckles either, yeah sometimes it’s only to add to her manipulation but at the end of flora unfurl, when all of her plans were coming to fruition and in the face of coquelic’s rage, she was laughing then still. her laughs and smiles are sometimes so inappropriate but her laughter especially stood out to me and i didnt really know why until this one scene… it takes more effort to fake a laugh than to fake a smile like she does all the time; from what i remember she wasn’t mocking coquelic or being unnecessarily cruel, but when she burst out laughing i was so confused exactly because it felt unnecessary and out of place, like what happened in that scene. laughter is often accompanied by emotion and during a time where rationality couldn’t explain the motive behind her action, schorl immediately scanned her for defects like that’s insane. the level of scrutiny she’s constantly under is impossibly oppressive— “try to rectify such purposeless physicalities”?! cant even laugh anymore because of woke. can’t voice her thoughts, can’t be fully genuine with the person who freed her from rationality, she literally cannot do shit omg. all of herself has to be available to paradeisos’ sterile gaze every second of every day… she’s used to that scrutiny but ughhh it’s not fair and it’s not how human beings are treated. shalom i will save you from this prison if it’s the last thing i do

despite it all, she has her small pleasures and it makes me want to scream and die. the way she “plays” with schorl by having it scan her meaninglessly, how she enjoys catching people off guard and observing their reactions, the way she’s always making fucking jokes?! so important to me. shes so unserious. shalom making jokes that fall flat because they’re in the middle of a heavy topic or issue is so important to me. “haha your garden’s better off with me than dead right? kidding, heh” and “why should i give a fuck about humanity?… just kidding! love these people” is so 😭😭😭 i genuinely find her hilarious because she doesn’t relieve any tension at all, she is NOT meant to be comedic relief 😭

back to her and chief tho…… is it not absolutely crazy how she was acting like they were once married with three kids before chief got amnesia. mind you they met ONCE before, officially. ONE TIME. and she was like “you made a lasting impression on me” “we’re friends” “i wanted to see you/my own subtle yearning to see you again” “we held hands like this once before… i still remember the touch” “being apart from you, i cant help but worry” SLOW DOWWWWWWN. MY GOODNESS. i know chief changed her life but shalom was so intense from the get go like she wants that cookie so effing bad. they used the words “tender” “intimate” and “gently” too often for me to believe they dont want each other like. and why was the hand holding written like a fanfiction— matter of fact, this whole thing was written like a fanfiction because why am i reading about the exposed skin of shalom’s collarbone, her pushing chief onto her bed then essentially climbing into it as well to whisper in her ear WHILE encouraging her to choke her?!?!?!?! what was even happening. lesbians make me sick. what a freak. i actually dont know how many times ive called shalom a freak while playing the first 2 interro phases

wish i could add all the screenshots from the choking scene but tumblr’s a BITCH. but this whole thing was insane. LIKE INSANE. this is gayer than 000 kissing chief. this is gayer than being a housewife for the assassin that kidnapped you. reconnecting with an old “friend” you cant remember yet feel an undeniable familiarity and connection towards and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and exposed in front of her regardless of ulterior motives… soulmates across space and time and circumstance idkkk, at the end of the day the one who can understand shalom the best if given a real chance is chief idc they’re mirror images of each other. shalom was so genuine in the interrogation room despite chief being suspicious of her like im sure of it now. the fact that they freed each other is forever ingrained in my heart, that is the most precious gift they could’ve given to each other even if it was done unconsciously from chief’s part. ALSO the fact that the one moment we hear the most emotion from shalom is when she’s at chief’s bedside telling her to come back? yeah. exactly.

let me stop yapping but there are many things that are escaping me that made me go “holy fuck”, i have a hundred screenshots and recordings just from her interro like it really blew my mind. shalom’s character is a bit clearer to me now and it really does put everything into perspective aaaaaa im aching to write for her properly this time

[ashby389]

Let’s get married when we turn 18

So angst tuesday is the theme here we go by the way again it’s a little long please bear with it I cried while writing this

Takemicchi stood in front of Mikey who was sitting on a pile of debris the first thing he noticed about him was how thin he was. Mikey wasn’t the same person he was when he left after defeating Valhalla. He looked resigned bags under his eyes and no light in his eyes. If Mikey is here where is S/O? They were inseparable “Never one without the other” as the quote goes. “Mikey......Have you been well”? he asked. Mikey stared at him there was something wrong the look in his eyes were off some how. “Yeah” was his only reply. Takemicchi started to feel overwhelmed and try as he might he felt the familiar burning behind his eyes. “I’m sorry” he blurted out. Trying to wipe the tears away so he didn’t make more of a fool of himself. “Still the same crybaby you never change huh” said Mikey. (I’m not trying to plagiarize so I’m tweaking a few of the word) Takemicchi looked up at Mikey again he was resting his chin on the palm of his hand with a smile on his face. Takemicchi grinned back at him he was happy to se that smile again. Mikey stood up and put his hands in his pockets he felt the cool metal of the gun he had in one of the pockets. “I brought you here because I need to ask you for a favor ”he said. This confused Takemicchi because normally Mikey either asked Draken or S/O to do things for him. Which again is the question Where is S/O. Naoto had no information on their where about for the last year. “A favor”? he asked. Mikey looked around with a sadder smile. “I brought S/O a couple of times to tell and show her things about Shinichiro it was nostalgic for a time. When we were young we fought we learned things laughed and cried together. That’s how Toman grew” he said with a closed eye smile. Takemicchi stared at Mikey with hope and a smile on his face. Mikey in his eyes was still the same there is no way he killed Mitsuya and the others. The Mikey of now is still the Mikey I got to know in Toman he didn’t change. Mikey looked up at the sky through the opening from above clouds moved so slowly his eyes went blank for a second. “Toman changed so much” he mumbled. This shocked Takemicchi he gave Mikey a confused look. “Huh”? Mikey looked back at him with a smile. “Hey Takemitchy why did you leave Toman? I wanted us to stay together I wanted you to stay with me like a big brother would” “W-w-what”? He left Toman? Why would he- “I tried to fix everything myself without S/O’s help they were stressed enough but I couldn’t control everything. It made me realize I’m never going to be like I was in the past” he said. “Mikey what do you mean”?. Mikey’s hair covered his eyes tht wer filled with the same darkness he used to fight to keep at bay. “ I tried to stop you from leaving Toman but Mitsuya and Draken tried to stop me which was a mistake” he said. (I know im skipping the flash back but yall wanna know what happened to S/O) No no no no no is the only words going through Takemicchi’s head when he realized what that meant. “Those two-” “Were the last.....I’m the one that killed them. The Toman from before is gone I made sure of it ” Does that mean he killed S/O too no way he would never! They were talking about actually getting married when they turned eighteen but Mikey didn’t have a ring or anything. What the hell kind of reality did we create? Thoughts just kept running in his mind. “That’s why I want you to stop me” Mikey walked down from the debris and stood right in front of him. With a smile he said. “Kill me” “What happened to S/O” he asked. A light sparked in Mikey’s eyes but just as quick as it came it was gone. “I want it all to end here. My dream” “Mikey what happened to S/O what did you do to them? I just wanted to see you again and now your asking me to kill you! Where is S/O why aren’t they here with you”? Mikey started to feel his heart shattering the more Takemicchi said their name. It made him remember their smile how they would call him my love unless he was in trouble then it was Manjiro. “Hakkai said the same thing before I killed him. I remember when I first killed someone I felt nothing. It worried S/O they tried over nd over again to get me to talk They stayed with me even after finding out that I killed all of our friends. When I told them that things were easier when you kill those who get in our way” Takemicchi grabbed Mikey’s shoulders and stared at him tears falling. “No it’s not true you haven’t changed S/O would have stopped you they would never have let you do all those things! So why are you talking about murder and all that bullshit! S/O would have- Mikey flipped him over his shoulder slamming him on the ground taking out his gun her pushed it against his cheek and glared down at Takemitchy. “Don’t you get it? I killed S/O” he declared. That shook Takemicchi to his core but if what he said about the others was true. Mikey put another gun next to him. ”Take the gun because if you don’t kill me I will kill you” he said. Mikey had tears in his eyes they fell on his cheeks everything mikey was doing was contradicting with what he told Takemicchi.  “We can’t go back in time no matter how much we want to” BANG!! Mikey felt the burning of the bullet as it went into the side of his head(I don’t know medical stuff so please don’t ding me for this) Mikey blacked out for a couple of seconds he heard someone screaming his name. Opening his eyes again he saw Takemicchi holding him it made him happy not to be alone. “Thank you Tachibana Naoto, Takemitchy wouldn’t have been able to do it....Finally” “Mikey please tell me where S/O is I can call them to meet us” said Takemicchi. Mikey had the saddest look in his eyes as tears fell from his eyes. “They’re gone Takemicchi- “You would never have hurt them- “I lied when I said I killed them but I might as well have” The wound was bleeding more the blood spread down Takemicchi’s fingers onto the dirt floor. Mikey looked to the side Takemicchi’s eyes followed to the spot next to them there was dried blood next to them. How? How didn’t he notice it? Mikey reached out and touched the spot.

                                               FLASHBACK

S/O walked into the same place Mikey and Takemicchi were on the phone. “Listen we don’t have much time left can you do this one last favor for me”? “Yes I know but I need to get Mikey away from them I knew Kisaki was a piece of shit but that other bastard pun intended is worse than him! He’s twisting Mikey up so badly that he doesn’t know left from right” S/O looked at her hand Mikey had proposed to then a couple of nights ago and that solidified their stance they need to leave Japan with Mikey even if they have to drug him. He can be as mad as he wants with them away from the parasites known as Izana  Kurokawa and Tetta Kisaki. “Look if this fails i’ll take the heat for it Mikey might have done horrible things but he would never kill me even if Izana and Kisaki told him too. I gotta go Mikey’s supposed to meet me here soon I’ll broch the topic when I see him for now get everything ready” They hung up sighing it’s for the best after all the bullshit they went though. Clapping came out of nowhere turning they saw said parasites both with big grins Izana clapping. “Wouldn’t have said it better myself unfortunately your right he wont kill you no matter how many times we tell him too” said Kisaki. S/O shrugged putting their phone away. “Being their S/O and best friend since before Draken comes with the territory but tell me something. Have either of you ever had that someone that is your person? That you didn’t have to break to be loyal and love you they just did out of reflex. The one you can always count on to have your back? Someone that will be in the cell next door of you get caught with a plan that gets both of you out or neither of you? That person that will walk through hell with a smile on their face while holding you hand the whole time. Or go to the heavens and laugh with you talking about the good time the bad and the complicated. Your ride or die? Or someone that will always choose you over everyone else no matter what? That is who Mikey and I are to each other so whatever your scheming now to try and break us up again it won’t work. Mikey will never leave me for you” they said glaring at them. The more she spoke the more hatred they had of S/O. Kisaki because of Hinata, Izana because of how deep the loyalty and love Mikey had for S/O. Izana chuckled and stood right in front of them taking a step back S/O was met with a wall they looked up Kakucho Hitto. HE looked sad because at one point they had started to become real friends They glared at Izana. “So you brought your lap dog with you too” they hissed. “Now that’s just mean S/O you might hurt his feelings” said Kisaki with a smirk. “I’m sorry” said Izana looking right in their eyes. This baffled S/O Izana  Kurokawa apologizing it wasn’t just them Kisaki and Kakucho looked confused as well. “I’ve been a terrible brother in law I know it’s a little sudden but now that Mikey proposed maybe we could start over”? he asked smiling. BULLSHIT came to mind Izana always made it very clear that he wanted them gone. At the same time though they had to think about the plan if this was legit it will be easier to get Mikey out. “What are you playing at Izana”? demanded Kisaki teeth clenched enraged. “Shinichiro would have wanted us to get along and be there for Mikey” was the only thing he said. He spread out his arms with a smile. “We should hug it out like families do” he said. They felt movement behind them and they looked at Kisaki he was grinning. S/O felt the air move and heard the crunching of the dirt they moved. Kakucho had a knife in his hand whirling out of the way they spun kicked Kakucho in the rids as hard s they could. Oh the joy they felt when they heard the crunching of his ribs and the snarling pain he felt. S/O made tried to run this was an assassination they realized. They weren’t fast enough Kisaki body slammed then into the dirt dragging them up. S/O kicked wildly screaming as loud as they could trying to elbow Kisaki to let them go. The hope was Mikey would already be near by and would hear that they were in trouble. Mikey had just arrived but he didn’t hear S/O screaming. “Hmm I wonder why wifey wanted to meet here” he asked himself happily. He was so excited finally after waiting all this time since thy were kids he knew that S/O would be the one he would spend the rest of his life with. They would marry have children grandchildren. He knew he didn’t deserve to be happy after all the terrible things he did but he wanted to be selfish and be happy for once after so long. The best part he’s marrying his soulmate cheesy yes but true. He started walking in the building. “Izana please don’t do this to him”! they yelled. Izana walked over to where kakucho was laying glaring down at him Izana picked up the knife. Kakuch scrambled to get up he helped kisaki steady them “No Kakucho please please your not like them! He won’t survive this please” they begged screaming and crying. Kakucho couldn’t meet their eyes a lump forming in his throat and a familiar burn in his eyes. “Wow what a change of heart after that passionate speech S/O” said Izana walking towards them. “Izana please don’t do this Mikey is your brother” they begged. “Yes but like you said he will always choose you over me and I can’t have that. He is my Shinichiro” he said glaring. “The real Shinichiro and Emma would never have wanted this- A horrible burning sensation went through her mid section. They looked down Izana stabbed them pulling out the knife he plunged it in again and again and again. S/O had never seen so much of their blood until now. Kakucho and Kisaki dropped S/O who fell to their knees. Izana held the knife admiring it and the blood. That’s the scene Mikey walked into his heart dropped when he saw S/O drop to the ground coughing up blood. Izana saw mikey still smiling he said. “Hello brother don’t worry everything will be fine now” he said. Mikey ran to S/O falling to his knees he picked them up there was blood everywhere. “We should leave let them say goodbye see you soon little brother I hope now you understand i’m the only family you have left” said izana smirking. Kisaki followed him. Kakucho stood the for a moment and bowed he was so full of regret he thought S/O was a good person but in the end good people in their world never last long. “Hey wifey wake up please” he begged quietly crying. S/O opened their eyes and looked at Mikey. “What took you my love”? “Ha I was asleep i’m sorry baby” he said. “You will always be a child my love that’s what made me fall in love with you that and when you would hold me just like this I always felt safe and protected” thy whispered. “I couldn’t protect you this time” he cried. S/O smiled gently they raised their hand to touch his cheek. “Silly love you couldn’t have known that they would be here” “I should have guessed they always hated you” “Manjiro enough” He looked into S/O’s eyes the bright lights in them dulling. “I want you to promise me three things” they said. Mikey took their hand and kissed their knuckles nodding, “One don’t go after Kisaki or Izana” S/O- “No- they started to cough with more blood. “Okay okay” he said trying to calm them down. “Second Find Takemicchi make sure he is okay I don’t trust them not to hurt him” “Ha of course you would think about the cry baby hero” he said with a watery smile. “He was my favorite after you and Draken I spoiled you three equally....mostly you” “You are my wifey so obligations fall on you” That made S/O smile they loved Mikey so much it just hurts so badly that they didn’t even get married and now they are going to leave Mikey behind. “The last thing”? he asked. “Escape from them leave Japan there is a number on my phone I as going to tell you we should leave together but looks like it’ll just be you this time my love”  Their breathing was getting labored they stopped feeling pain a minute again. “Hey Mikey”? “Yes wifey”? “In our next life let’s get married when we turn eighteen”? He closed his eyes in agony he could hear them as a child in middle school and high school saying it again and again. When he opened them the light in their eyes was gone they had stopped breathing. He held them closer. They were gone. “AHHHHHHHHHHH”!!!!!!!!!

                                          PRESENT TIME

Takemichhi couldn’t breath they murdered S/O infront of mikey. “That was a week ago” “That’s why you wanted me to kill you” he whimpered. “I just want to see their face one more time even if I never see them again after” mikey as crying from a broken soul. “It’s over all my life I have been suffering it was worse when S/O was gone even breathing became it’s own hell” “No Mikey I can change it all I can go back in time and bring S/O back Please don’t say such sad things” Mikey looked to the side and he saw a blur then he saw them with wide eyes. S/O was standing there they were so young in their middle school uniform with a black jacket over their shoulders smiling at him. He looked back at Takemicchi he stopped feeling pain and that was a good thing. With a breathy laugh he leaned closer to takemicchi. “You word comforted me even if they are beautiful lies....your hand is so warm” he said. The next thing Mikey knew he was standing in front of S/O confused but happy he held S/O in one of his octopus hugs like they called them. “You came back” he whispered. Shaking their head they touched his blonde hair. “Huh”? he asked touching his hair. He was in his Toman uniform he spun around and round confused. “My love stop” they giggled. “Wait if your here and I’m a kid again- He looked over and he saw takemicchi holding his body. S/O wrapped their arms around Mikey’s waist pressing their head in his back. “I died” he said. Nodding S/O kissed his back sadly. He turned to them with a sad look in his eyes he wished he didn’t do this to Takemitchy. “You waited for me”? he asked. “As your wifey I have obligations like waiting for your lazy butt” they laughed. He laughed kissing them then deepening the kiss until they couldn’t breath. (I know they died but they aren’t vampires that’s another fic) “ We should go” they said. Mikey hesitated because he knew they might be separated again. S/O scoffed knowing what he was thinking. “Manjiro stop talking” they said “I didn’t say- “Your thinking so loud I’m sure the llorona heard you” (weeping lady) “We aren’t separating not ever again but there are some people that wanna see you they missed you so much but first sit your butt down and let me fix your hair” He complied laughing she pulled his blonde locks back to the way it was before he cut it short. As they stood looked over at Takemicchi, Naoto was comforting him as he cried over Mikey’s body. S/O took his hand and pulled him away there was a huge bright light they looked over at him. “Ready”? they asked. Mikey interlocked their fingers holding tight. “Always” he said happily. “Oh wait no your not” they said. This made Mikey freak out will they separated what what what was he missing!!!. S/O took off the jacket and held it out to him. “Huh”? he asked. “What’s a president and or commander without his uniform”? they asked cheekily. “You brat you scared me “he exclaimed. “You knew I was a brat the moment we started dating and got engaged no take backs” they said wagging their finger at him. He pretended to bite at their finger putting on the jacket. It felt weird wearing it but at the same time it felt right. He grabbed their hand again smiling they pulled him into the light. Mikey opened his eyes and looked a round confused he was standing in the shrine. “S/O what is this”? he asked. He looked around they were gone he started panicking no no no not again he thought. “Oy Mikey” that voice. It made him freeze on the spot. “I think you broke him” said another familiar voice. Mikey turned there stood Draken, Emma, Baji, Chifuyu and the others. He had tears in his eyes but he didn’t care they were here. “My love you look shocked” said S/O pulling a man forward. Shinichiro smiled at his brother he knew the pain Mikey went through and he had so many regrets. “ Hey little brother” he said Mikey lost it he rand and jumped on his brother. The others were watching happily knowing this is the most emotion Mikey has ever displayed in front of them. “It’s alright now stop crying your embarrassing me” Shinichiro laughed. Emma smiled hugging S/O she was so happy to have her family back. When they stood Mikey looked at his friends the ones he killed. “I’m sorry” he said bowing to them. Draken had a tick on his forehead. “Oy Mikey stop apologizing your a president you don’t bow to anyone” he snarled. Mikey froze and looked up they were all smiling at him. He was never more grateful to have a family like this more then this moment. Baji got tired of the mushy stuff and punched Mitsuya on the shoulder. “What the fuck” “Hey I’m happy deal with it”! “You wanna go”! They started fighting in the background. Emma hugged Mikey as tight as she could. “They are both Octopie Octopuses I don’t fucking now but they are” said Draken. “Your right they are it’s cute though” said S/O Draken couldn’t argue there he missed his best friends now they’re all together laughing and just being happy. “By the way my love you only bow to one person” said S/O. Mikey let Emma go and stood in front of them. Emma went next to Draken he rapped an arm around her shoulder both blushing. “Oh yeah who is that”? he asked pulling them close. “Me” the said kissing him. Wolf whistles and cat calls is all they got separating. He held them from behind resting his chin on their shoulder. “My love”?  “Hmmm yes wifey” he looked at them “Let’s get married when we turn eighteen”            Fin

[i-did]

what would make renee angry in your opinion?

I had a really hard time answering this one actually. I thought about it for a while and asked a lot of my friends to see if they had any ideas, and here's what I came up with:

1) A professor or TA who is super shitty to her

Just a really shitty teacher.

as she goes through college, she’s bound to run into some assholes, and I don’t think Renee has perfect grades in the past or present. her not knowing academic terminology and feeling out of place in the college setting would make a lot of sense for a lot of the foxes, and Renee is good on putting on a smile, but she still eventually gets that one professor or TA that scoffs at her questions and “doesn’t have time for the likes of her” and the constant complete dismissal digs painfully under her skin and brings out her anger.

2) People who are intensely rude to her despite her best efforts to be as kind as she can be

Renee is patient, but we all have our limit. similar to the one above, but Renee dealing with someone who is just rude all the time and she struggles to keep reminding herself “we all have bad days, I don’t know what they’re going though.” Renee working in a coffee shop and a woman bumping into Renee and spilling her coffee on herself, only to yell at Renee for an hour, ignoring all of Renee’s pleasant customer service smiles. said customer later on becoming a regular and repeating this behavior, cutting off people in parking lots and flipping them off, Renee being kind and trying to give her a free scone only for the woman to tell her she hates scones, Renee offering something else only for the woman to tell her to shut up. that shit wears you down, and Renee still dumping her kindness onto someone every time only for it to backfire or be dismissed would make her have to take a few deep breaths in the back room before deciding, fuck it, she's cut off from active kindness, now only passible neutrality and not being aggressive is enough. 

3) someone who refuses her help

her knowing she could really make a difference, but some people just don’t want help, and she feels helpless and angry. she's not angry at the person, but the situation of them not being ready to accept help or even able to accept help makes her so frustrated she would start to grind her teeth in her sleep. She understands how it is, how hard it can be to take the first step to change or giving up pride or whatever the hurtle may be, but that doesn’t make it any easier than her thinking in her head “just let me fucking help you!!! or anyone!!! just let anyone in to help you!!!! fuck!!!” inside her head. she knows not everyone needs help or saving, but some people do, and when they shove her back, unwilling and not ready for it over and over while she’s trying to save them, she gets frustrated that she can’t.... do anything. and just has to wait. but Renee can be patient, and she’s willing to wait. 

4) Someone actively trying to wear her down and get under her skin

okay so this isn’t something that happens often, the closest Renee has really come to it is with Andrew when he first was scoping her out. but– if someone was actively trying to aggravate her, laughing at everything she said and making fun of her, pulling at her looser strings and picking at her ticks, watching to see what brought out her reaction, they could eventually do it and get under her skin. i think she wouldn’t let herself blow up at them since thats what they want, but she would silently excuse herself from the situation to take a breather. no one really does this with her, and Andrew only does this to size her up and even still his interrogation isn’t the type of harassment i’m imagining. i mean like old school bullying, not locker shoving, but the middle school girl shit that leaves emotional scars. and them being older, they’re less afraid to show it and be more straight forward mean. people don’t really do this to her tho, its too much effort to get a reaction, and when they do, its never what they would have wanted, like crying, but instead is her smile falling and then finding a way to make them feel like shit. Renee is kind, but she also knows how to play on a similar level as them, not just with fists. i HC Renee as plus size, and fuck it is hard to be different in anyway as a kid. but childhood bullying was the least of her worries and these people dont see how deep her personal self assurance has grown and how she has learned to stand with her head held high and her face serine. her and dan are quite similar in this, but dan is much more active and direct while Renee is passive in her letting it glide over her, dan has even gotten annoyed on Renee’s behalf and then annoyed that Renee was not affected and why she didn’t fight more directly back. 

5) People who are overtly cruel and she struggles to sympathize with

okay so, you ever see someone so mean and rude for zero reason to someone else and you’re just like... what the fuck??? Renee doesn’t let others get to her really, but damn.... someone going after someone else in ways that are just so uncalled for and so harshly.... it gets to her. She once watched an episode of catfish where the catfisher laughed at the girl, uncaring that he crossed so many emotional lines and manipulated people without really any care. and she wanted to throw the remote and punch the tv right where the guys face was on the paused screen. nothing like someone just, kicking someone else while their down with no mercy, or making fun of someone behind their back and them not knowing, making fun of the deaf kids voice behind his back and he doesn’t see them doing it, and she’s like, man, Fuck. You. in her head. I don’t think she was like, always a nice person, in fact, i think Renee used to very much so not be the type to sit with the alone kid at lunch but instead ignore him and think “yea he’s weird, kinda ugly” without thinking much of it. But then she decided to change, and she took everything she thought it meant to be a good person, and became that. she started sitting with the alone kid, she started doing charities, she started to smile instead of punch, and she started going to church. and so when she sees cruelness she was once passive in the face of, maybe even active in, she uses kindness. Renee is she good at using taking the high road in such a graceful way it makes others feel bad. like when she tells Nicky calmly “thats not very nice” after he jokes about Seth dying in a car crash on his way from the airport book 1, and Nicky feels like shit. it feels like shit to get called out sometimes, and while its not her goal, she does know it is an effect of it. (i don’t think she’s mad at Nicky in that scene, but she did say something since she is there to protect hers and she redraws that line in that moment, especially without Allison or Seth there yet to say fuck you themselves.)

6) Injustice and systems of oppression

for these i feel she gets more frustrated, overwhelmed, and sometimes resigned. she knows how dark and shitty the world is, but she stays up at night with her hand on her heart as she breathes deep, thinking about how... utterly fucked everything is. its pretty easy for me to HC that Renee is politically far left and has seen the dark side to lack of resources and systemic issues that are just... so overwhelming she doesn’t even know what she does as just one person. world pollution, corruption, class divide, flint water crisis, the homeless crisis, the prison system, functioning segregation in school systems, just... it all. she’s had nights after volunteering where she thinks “i did something, i did.” and she has days where she realizes “...i’m doing nothing, in the end... its all for nothing, there’s just too much.” just a bad day where she sits there, thinking about how much is wrong and wont be fixed and how ‘doomed’ things are, how broken, and she doesn’t feel at a loss, but rather this deep anger that comes from who she was before. 

7) herself. 

Her being unable to live up to her own standards. she still thinks mean things, she has mean and cruel urges, and when she has them, she remembers that she’s still a bad person trying very hard to be a good one, and she thinks she’s still a bad person at her core. she’s not self loathing with it, but she does think to herself “i’m a hypocrite.” and sits with that thought for a minute. sparring with Andrew has helped her, to balance the two sides of her in a way that feels both self indulgent and honest to her path forward. but sometimes while sitting in that church pew, she thinks of her dead mother, her dead step father, those she turned in without batting an eye, stabbing in the back to save herself, and she thinks “i should feel something.” but she doesn’t, she wasn’t sorry then and she’s not sorry now. and she thinks, “the others call Andrew a monster, and they don’t realize that i’m one too.” and she tries to muster up something deep inside her, but she cant. and it can frustrate her, how after all these actions, all those hours of beach clean up and homeless shelters and building houses in some other country and going around clapping her hands to the songs, but she’s still the person she is deep down. and it gets to her. i think her having a conversation with Neil one day, on what it means to be a real person, is she pretending who she is? is she her thoughts or her actions? which is the real her? and Neil saying, it’s all of it. every facet of the self is still the self, he is Nathaniel and Neil and Abram and every other person he has been and will be. we change but we are also always ourselves, and her actions are just as true as her thoughts. 

[styrnraelmalqir]

The Last Vigil

[ MAJOR SPOILERS FOR FFXIV 3.0 AND 3.1 AHEAD. ]

I just have a lot of feelings and needed to put them into words. Spoilers begin right away so please be warned, thank you! 

“He would not have told you,” the Count turned to his steward, trading his cane for the broken shield of his son, “but when Haurchefant begged me to accept you into our household, he described you as ‘hope incarnate.’”

The room was hushed at the sight of Count Edmont de Fortemps touching the failed steel before him. He studied it for a moment before turning back to Styrnrael. “At the time, I assumed that he was waxing lyrical, as he was wont, but I have come to see that he simply spoke the truth.”

A breath escaped the steward’s lips as he looked upon his lord. Of the many secrets the steward had kept in half a century of service, moments such as these still came as a surprise. His focus moved to the warriors who stood in the foyer of the Manor. The steward’s vision narrowed on Styrnrael behind the thick bifocals resting on his nose. A tear threatened his composure. The warmth she and her friends brought to Ishgard was enough to fog his glasses. He batted away the tear. Before he could remove a handkerchief from his pocket to clean his lenses, Edmont surprised him yet again.

The Count stepped toward the free paladin whom his son had trusted most ardently. His gaze was still fixed on the shield in his hands, eyes low beneath his eyelashes. Of all the passing times she visited Fortemps Manor, sometimes for only a few hours of rest, not once had Edmont warmly addressed her as such.

His gaze slowly lifted to meet her own. “You are hope.” He spoke softly as if just for her to hear. His deep blue irises held an ocean’s depth. For a moment in the fading light of sunset that pierced through the windows, she saw Haurchefant in his eyes. She dared not to blink.

He cleared his throat, regaining the equanimity required for that of the head of House Fortemps. “You are hope,” he repeated with purpose, “a shining beacon that shall guide the people of Ishgard through this raging snowstorm.” With that, he lifted a heel and bowed before her, presenting the shield with both hands. She reached toward the Count to receive his gift. Her hands traced its rough edges. It was not sharp enough to nick her calloused hand, try as she might. The dazzling color of the setting sun filled the crevices of the shield’s damage with light.

“A memento,” the Count began again, looking directly at Styrnrael now. “Were my son here…” Styrnrael was entranced and the all too familiar ringing in her head made her stagger away from the present. The Echo, a gift of her mind to see memories as they were lived, could also be a curse. Suddenly her vision was every color at once and yet nothing at all. The rigid décor of the room, the flowers in the vase, the Count, the steward, and Seishin, all disappeared around her. The emptiness engulfed her in a pyre of dancing colors. Memories that were not her own flooded her reality. The Echo within her wove unrelated images together into a coherent form. The steps of a familiar quarter of Ishgard appeared, illuminated by servants lighting the gas lamps that lined the mithril-colored stone pathways of the Pillars. She stepped into the past.

--

All too familiarly, the past becomes present for just a moment.

A boy not yet ten is outside on a cold day, playing with a stick and a book. “En garde!” he shouts, defending a small toy from a would-be intruder. “That’s enough for today,” A man approaches. He is not yet forty-one. He does not make eye contact with the child. “You can return to the Manor now that mother’s guests are gone.”

The boy laughs and gathers his effects. Giving himself a running start, he jumps and grabs the Count’s hand. “And please, be reasonable Haurchefant. Leave the sticks outside this time, won’t you?”

The gaslights on the perimeter of the street begin to flicker as father and son return to the Manor. The fire within the lamps turns to smoke and color fades around her as Styrnrael steps into another vision.

Now at nearly thirty himself, the teal haired youth has grown into a thoughtful adviser, studying the charts on his desk in his quarters at Camp Dragonhead. Atop the strewn maps and coordinates of the warfront is an envelope. It was nearly torn to shreds in excitement. “What is it, my lord?” Corentiaux clamors to know what message would be so important that it drew Haurchefant’s attention so abruptly this early in the morning.

“A missive, from the Scions of course! I have been awaiting news of their decision to hear our case! We must needs their assistance posthaste to ensure Francel’s record is expunged! I know he is innocent, we just need to prove it to the Inquisitor.” His eyes dart over the words of the letter, comprehending quickly the limited envoy they approved to aid his needs. His hope never faulters for a moment no matter how slim the chances might be. “By the Fury! They have accepted our call for aid and by some fortune are sending the primal slayers themselves!”

Corentiaux is unconvinced, knowing how idealistic his lord is wont to be. “Are you sure that this will be enough to aid us?”

“Hope. That is always enough.” He nods to his squires and begins planning the reception to welcome the Scions who would answer his plea. He shuffles the papers on his desk like an Astrologian’s cards. The wind of the fanned-out pages sweeps Styrnrael to another time.

Even at midday, there is mist covering the Sea of Clouds. Scatterlings of Rose Knight scouts line the area, some swiftly rising to attention as the noble approaches, and some others ignoring him entirely. The indifference they show is quickly parted when Laniette approaches, flanked by wounded soldiers and a trembling Honoroit. “Lord Haurchefant,” the Lady begins. “Your dutiful brother has taken the growing tensions with the Vanu Vanu into his own hands to prove himself. Might you and Master Garlond have a moment to spare for one of your trademark deus ex machinas?” She smiles through gritted teeth, cursing Emmanellain for causing so much trouble, then cursing herself for entrusting him with the task.

“I thought you would never ask! Last time I so much as suggested involving myself in the dealings of the Warriors of Light, twelve men had to restrain me!” Haurchefant resigns to a smile, sparing his company the details of his favorite story to recount. He knows Laniette’s duties here in Cloudtop are much like corralling gaelicats. “You can count on me, my lady!” He nods and gently shakes his fist. Then, turning his sunlit disposition to Cid, the two of them board the airship docked at the side of the camp. Lifting into the air, they cast off the airship landing, and fly through the heavens upon the Enterprise. The clouds mingle with the exhaust of the airship’s engine, flowing through the lush lands of the camp. Styrnrael’s vision becomes clouded, too, as she flies to another image.

“I’m certain there is a joke about a monk and a House Fortemps Knight walking into a bar,” Gibrillont chuckles.

Seishin and Haurchefant laugh heartily and take their seats on weathered stools.

“What will it be, boys? For what you did tonight to provide aid and succor to the Brume folk after today’s eventful showdown, when you could be at home nursing your own wounds, I’d say this’ll be on the house. Though tis a right shame you didn’t bring along that Lady Iceheart I saw shouting about peace earlier!”

Haurchefant almost begins to order but pauses as he sees his friend still considering the vast menu. Gibrillont notices a certain paladin missing from the party. “Say, where is Styrnrael? Do you think she would fancy some mead? I will get some from the storehouse while you two make up your minds about your drinks! I’ll put in an order for trout and chips while I pass by the kitchen and be back in two bells.” Gibrillont swaggers away, leaving the monk and the knight with some privacy. Though it is only thirty past eight, nearly all the tavern’s regulars have staggered home.

“How about some hot chocolate, for old time’s sake?” His words comfort the monk who is tapping one foot against the floor. He steals a glance at Seishin while he is looking at the menu and his cheeks warm at the thought of his return. His mind wanders, “Though I was never much of a religious man before, tis Halone’s blessing you have returned to me unharmed.”

Seishin glances up at Haurchefant coyly, flexing his hand to highlight the bruises on his knuckles. A monk is ever ready to show off his battle scars.  

Haurchefant grins incredulously, still convinced his companions are invincible. That he may count Lady Iceheart among his newfound allies; that is an entirely new kind of faith. “Though I will measure it took much more than the Fury to accomplish this feat. Ysayle, is it? She may prove to bring hope to her people yet. In some way, she reminds me of our dear Styrnrael. I recall how terrified she once was to be seen in the streets of Ishgard. No matter how many times I tried to console her that my countrymen would not look upon her in disgust, I’m not sure she fully accepted that until today.”

Gibrillont returns with their drinks and supper before Seishin can respond.

“Thank you for bringing us here, Haurchefant.” He extends his hand and the heavy glass mugs clank together. “Thank you for taking us in. Styrnrael, the Scions, and I would be beside ourselves without you.”

“My family and I were happy to do so! Though truth be told, I was not sure how Artoirel would feel.” Haurchefant, ever a hospitable host, waits for his comrade to begin eating before he takes his first bite of the warm meals before them.

Seishin lets out a hearty laugh, knowing full well what he meant. “I understand completely. My older brother is also overzealous in his endeavor to protect his family.”

“I see even Ishgard’s more beloved sons have taken you in. It was truly a pleasant surprise to see you and Estinien fighting side by side.” They continue to praise each other, delighting in the company and the well-deserved respite.

“I always knew you would be Ishgard’s saviors!” His glorious shout can be heard across the entirety of the Forgotten Knight’s dining room.

Nearby, a machinist and her men glance up from their table at the commotion. She rolls her eyes at the idiots and smirks fiendishly at her comrades. The room is full of joy – for peace is on the horizon.

Their happy exchanges muddle with the commotion of the tavernkeeper moving chairs and sweeping debris. Styrnrael can hear them talking, but they are both too far away to hear. Some memories even the Echo cannot access. Styrnrael notices another Xaela. He glances downward at the child beside him, unamused with the ruckus. He leaves as quietly as he came. Before she can follow him, Styrnrael can hear Haurchefant and Seishin speaking again.  

“Twelve have mercy! Have you told her yet?” Haurchefant inquires, ears perking up at the thought of his friends’ happiness. “I should be glad to see what she says in response. When you linger too long away, I worry what the world asks of you, how you are ever saving the world from the latest calamity.” He rests a hand on Seishin’s. “You are both so precious to me,” His confession stings like a needle to her heart, ever bleeding as she hovers in the Echo. “Your feelings are safe with me, friend. I will keep them close to my heart for as long as I live.”

She wakes up in the night on a tufted settee finding a blanket that was not there when she fell asleep. Styrnrael sits up in the darkness. She feels safe, seeing Seishin and Haurchefant sitting on the floor beside her, both of them fast asleep.

The nightmares of the future dance in her mind. In her dreams, she is running ahead, trying to catch a phantom. Her armor is lead and her sabatons melt into the ground. Her heavy legs will not move. The piercing sound hits her like a drum. The crack of the shield and the splinters flying. The glare of the spear.

“I could not bear to…” His words are the ringing in her ears. She blinks away the sight of his head in her lap. He reaches for her. In the dark, she silently repeats his words.  

She looks away as the Echo tries to show her the light fading again in the dusk of The Vault. She looks away and sees Seishin. He is lost for words. She cannot turn away now, the image is burned in her mind. She steps into the memory and lets the Echo consume her at last.

--

The vision was gone. The present pulled her back. All the colors joined together until there were none. Seishin gently touched her shoulder as she awakened. The Count’s eyes were still fixed on his son’s sources of hope.

“Are you quite alright, Mistress Malqir?” Count Edmont’s voice carried genuine worry. Styrnrael’s emptiness was not the reception he was hoping for, though he did expect it, having seen the Echo sweep his friends away at times. “I know that…” His eyes, the same eyes as his son’s, closed. “I know he meant a lot to you.”

Styrnrael nodded. The embarrassment of riches this shield was, and the memories that were held within it, felt almost too much to the Xaela. No one in the room would have guessed that not weeks ago, she was wont to hide her face beneath a cowl lest she be rejected. For in the light of day, when the snow settled, she at last felt welcomed, as was her hope.

“Were my son here, he would have wished to fight at your side in the battles to come.” His eyebrows knitted together while a somber grin wrinkled his cheeks. “Take care, my friend, and return to us!”

Seishin and Styrnrael smiled, to the Count, and then to each other.

[sincerelybluevase]

Careful, Madam Chapter Four

A/N Thank you guys for all the kind comments! They really mean a lot to me and help motivate me to keep writing, hence why there’s a new chapter now 😉. Tagging @need-not, @emptymasks @thegirlisuedtobe @halewynslady @solattea @alice1nwond3rland @ladynephthyss

 The rain came down in thick sheets. It drummed on the roof, against the walls and the mullioned windows. Someone had opened the window of my room and the sweet, green scent of summer rain drifted in, pure and cool and cleansing. How easy it was, to sit quite still and listen to the water gurgle in the drainpipes, to smell the scent of the azaleas, and not think, not feel…

Mrs Danvers kept looking at me with those liquid eyes, my knuckles dimpling her cheek. Funny, how far she and I had come, and so suddenly, too. This time yesterday I had feared her enough to scurry through the halls of my own home afraid to make a sound, as if she was some sort of predator who would pounce and break my neck if I was not careful. Now, she seemed my only friend and ally.

“I can’t be with child,” I said, very calmly, very coolly. “You are mistaken, and Maxim is, too.”

“Then why the nausea, Madam, the loss of your appetite, your heightened sense of smell? And all the time you’ve been with us, you’ve only bled once.”

“How would you know?”

“Did you think I took no interest in the habits of my new mistress, in her health and wellbeing?”

I wished to go back to that state of numbness that had held me prisoner only moments ago. It seemed preferable to the panic that now threatened to engulf me. It made my mouth dry and my heart hammer. My frock stuck to my neck and back.

“You don’t understand. I can’t be, I mustn’t be…” I pulled my hand from her grip and pressed both palms hard against my eyes, watching sickly colours bloom.

Days before, I had pictured the children Maxim and I were wont to have one day, strapping boys with grazed knees and a penchant for sports and mischief. I had imagined them running through the halls of Manderley, leaving their things everywhere, tennis rackets and cricket bats, wellington boots, thumbed adventure books, leather balls. Most of all, I had thought of Maxim’s face as he beheld his sons, the pride and fierce love making him handsome. He would look at me then, that strong look softened, and he would put his arm about me and kiss my forehead, and I’d be so desperately happy I could choke on it.

Now, all I could see was that haggard, haunted look of quiet madness as he told me how he had put a bullet through Rebecca and had felt only triumph, the straying bitch at last brought to heel…

Mrs Danvers clasped my wrists and pulled my hands away. “What do you mean, Madam? Why mustn’t you be?”

It all moved about inside of me, twisting and turning, scraping my innards like a little sharp-nailed hand. It clawed its way up my throat, cutting it to ribbons, and it could not be swallowed down and hushed, it could not be denied…

Mrs Danvers rubbed the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs. “Why, Madam?”

“Because I shall never be free of him once I give him a child,” I whispered. We stared at each other, both shocked by my words. I had not known what I would say until it was said, and now it could not be taken back.

“I… I didn’t mean that,” I stammered. “I don’t know what I’m saying, Mrs Danvers. He’s my husband; of course I wish for us never to be separated….” But the words sounded hollow to me, and the rapid thumping of my heart screamed liar, liar, liar.

Mrs Danvers hardened. Gone was the soft, liquid look. “Of course,” she said, her voice that mechanical thing once more, stilted and lifeless, “why would you? Not even Rebecca wanted a divorce, and she cared nothing for him, despised him, even. You, who love him, who says he is your whole world, would not want to miss him, not even for a moment.” She stood and went to the window to shut it, the rain splashing on her hands and face. She did not come back to me but remained standing there. The windowpane reflected her face remarkably well. It looked pale, tight.

I felt as if I might cry. “Mrs Danvers,” I said, “Mrs Danvers, Danny, please.”

“Please what, Madam? What do you want? You still don’t know, do you? To have his child, to be free of him, to be a perfect little wife, to be another, to love him, to love me. You can’t make up your mind.”

“Please don’t,” I whispered.

She turned round, pressing her hands hard against her ribs, curling slightly forward, as if in pain. “They found her boat, but you knew that already, didn’t you? They found her, yet all Mr de Winter could worry about was you, your little sickness, your delicate condition. Sometimes, it’s as if I am the only one who wishes to remember her, the only one who truly cared. He doesn’t even speak of her.”

“Oh, Mrs Danvers,” I whispered, “you wouldn’t like him to. I promise you, you wouldn’t want to hear what he has to say about her.”

Two spots of colour burned high on her cheeks. “Does he call her names? Does he rail at her, denouncing her for a whore and an adulteress? Does he, Madam?”

They came again, those traitorous tears. They stung, burning hot. I nodded feebly.

She laughed. “Well, then he hasn’t forgotten to be jealous, has he? Men! When they look at women, they only see whores and saints, and like nothing better than to tear a woman down they lifted up. Trust a man never to see a woman for what she really is.”

I thought of my father, of his warm-heartedness, his laughter and love. “No, Mrs Danvers. They’re not all like that. Most men are normal.”

She laughed again. It sounded like keening. “Perhaps, but that’s the worst of it, Madam; how are we to know who is and who isn’t? Safer to assume they’re all pigs.”

I was tired as a dog, all wrung-out. “But they aren’t, Mrs Danvers, truly they aren’t. I’m sorry you think they are, but that isn’t right and it isn’t healthy.”

“It isn’t right?” She tore at her cuff, pushing the fabric up to her elbow, and held out her arm to me. With a finger she traced the scar there, the neat purple line in her flesh. “You’ve wondered how this came to be, didn’t you? I shall tell you. I went to care for Rebecca when she was seven. Her mother had died when she was born, and so a nurse had taken care of her all her life. Now that she was seven, it was time for a governess, and I was employed. I was twenty-one; my employer, her father, a man of forty-six.”

She kept moving her finger over the scar, rubbing it red. “I found out the first week that he had wandering hands, and within a month, that his hands were not the only things doing the wandering. I wished to resign then, but he wouldn’t give me a proper reference, and without one, I was worth nothing. And there was Rebecca, of course. Such a charming child. The longer I stayed, the more I loved her. The more I loved her, the harder it was to leave. Her father’s… ministrations were never quite bearable, but I grew used to them. They had to be borne, for love of her.”

Still she rubbed, harsher now, her clipped nails leaving white streaks that flushed crimson. “And on and on it went, until one day when Rebecca came home early. I never knew if she suspected what her father and I did; he made sure she was not around when he paid me his little visits. Rebecca was supposed to be riding her horse, but the animal had thrown a shoe and so she’d returned earlier than expected. Sixteen she was then, with all the wit and beauty of a woman twice her age.”

Mrs Danvers smiled at the memory. It was a fragile, broken thing, this smile of hers, and it cut me deeply.

“We didn’t hear her. How could we, over his groans? But in she came, dressed in her riding habit. I didn’t know she was watching us, not until her father screamed and rolled off of me. She had struck him with her riding crop, and she kept striking at him, over and over again, breaking his skin and drawing blood. He nearly lost an eye. In the end I had to intervene; she was so wild, I thought she might strike him dead if I did nothing. I had to restrain her.

“‘You won’t ever lay a finger on her again,’ she told her father, ‘do you hear me? She’s mine now.’ He laughed through his tears, as if it was all a great joke. ‘What, do you want to fuck her yourself?’ he asked, so she hit him with her bare hand. Afterwards, she took me to her room and helped me clean the gashes she’d made, and then I was safe. So you see, I know men are not all wicked, but you’ll forgive me for not taking any chances.”

How could I ever tell her what Maxim had told me?

I went to her and stilled her scratching hand. She had broken the skin, and little beads of blood welled up. I put my mouth to the soft inside of her arm and sucked at it, fighting through the nausea to lave her poor skin with my tongue. “I’m sorry you were hurt,” I murmured.

Her hand curled against her ribs, pressing hard against her stomach. “I miss her so much I sometimes wish to destroy myself,” she whispered.

If anyone deserves to know what happened to Rebecca, it is Mrs Danvers. She’s the only one who truly loved her, I thought. Rebecca, with her brain and breeding and beauty, her wit and charm. Nothing of that had mattered in the end; she had died like a dog at the hands of the man who had sworn to love and cherish her.

If I did not tell her now, I feared I never would. I had to tell her, even though it smote me.

“Mrs Danvers, I must tell you something, something that Maxim only just told me.” My throat was still painful from where she had bruised it last night, pressing my face against the sheets as she made love to me. I swallowed thickly; the lapping at her skin had made me salivate. I kept kissing the sore spot at her arm, postponing the moment I had to talk, until she took hold of my chin and made me look up.

“What must you tell me, Madam?” she asked softly.

“It’s about Rebecca. Maxim told me…he killed her, Danny. Maxim killed Rebecca.”

[captain-of-the-roses]

Weird things Me and Dad said while talking about RWBY:

Dad: Here's my theory.

Me: Take two.

Dad: Ruby. Silver eyes. Summer realizes this and goes to Ozpin. Ozpin tells Summer about Jinn.

Me: So Summer and Raven join forces?

Dad: Not unlikely. Raven would want something in return tho.

Me: Raven is like "Ya ok but what do I get out of this" and Summer goes "You'll get answers." And Raven says "Sounds sus but ok."

Dad: Ya. So they go to Mistral, open the vault, ask Jinn about why Silver eyes are being hunted, and get their answer.

Me: Raven just nopes out of there like "I ain't ever going back" while Summer goes "Welp. Time to get myself killed."

Dad: Ya, probably. Raven leaves and Summer tries to Kamahamaha Salem with her silver eyes but dies trying.

Dad: Winter is going to kill Ironwood. Sword right through the throat.

Dad: Teah brought something up earlier-

Me: Was it the taco thing?

Mom: Taco thing?

Dad: It was not the taco thing.

Me: Oscar uses the staff and says "Spooky Spooky give us back the husband" to bring back Ozma. "Please help we have your wife and we don't know what to do with her we are sorry."

Dad: If anyone hurts a hair on Penny's head I will kill everyone and them myself.

Dad: Kill off Qrow. And Robynn. Just for the shock value.

Me: Do it infront of the kids, cause they see him as a father figure.

Dad: Yes. Do it at the end. Right after Salem is purged of her Grimm self by the silver eyes-

Me: -if the group is smart enough to figure that out-

Dad: -and have it happen unexpectedly.

Me: Do it right at the end of the volume. Have everyone's shocked faces and then cut off the season. Have Raven and Tai and Zwei portal in to and watch Qrow die. The Happy Huntresses are there for Robynn.

Mom: No! Dont kill off Qrow.

Me: Or wait for Qrow to die. Do it after Vacuo when he's adopted CFVY and the Beacon students there.

Dad: No, because, as much as I love Qrow, he's had his arc now its death time. Just have the fandom cannibalize itself.

Dad: Ozpin is hiding much more then we know. He knows too much.

Me: Is that part of the reason why he lied about the no more lies amd halftruths things? Because he knew Yang and everyone else was keeping lies and telling half truths?

Dad: Yes!

Me: Listen, Robynn has fingerless gloves. Who else has fingerless gloves? Coco and Yang. What do Yang and Coco have in common? Theyre both lesbians. Therefore, Robynn is Lesbian.

Mom: I still headcanon they are both bi.

Me: Robynn litteraly runs an army of women, Mom.

Dad: Alright, I'm not gonna interfere with your shipper logic.

Dad: I headcanon Hot Chocolate was invented during the Great War and the King of Vale tried it and was all like "This is good. I'm gonna drink it for the rest of my life." And when he was put into Ozpin Ozpin was "I have the sudden urge for Hot Chocolate."

Me: Poor Oscar.

Me: I still like your theory that Oscar has a mimicry semblance.

Dad: If they don't unlock Oscar's semblance as the ability to act as someone else and no one says "Give this man an award" I will riot.

Dad: Oz is going to have his ideal happy ending, right? What does he want most in the world? Death.

Me: Ooh, fun.

Me: I never understood why heroes do the motivational speech. Like, if someone went up to me and said "Hey wanna fight an evil organization and stop the end of the world for the good of humanity" I would be like "No thanks." But if someone came up to me and said "Wanna go fight a guy?" I would immediatly say yes.

Dad: See, that's the same thing. You just worded it differently. You got to appeal to your audience. In any case, Ruby isnt going to be able to unite humanity against Salem. Salem, however, could do something so bad that humanity turns agaisnt her without leadership. Because when someone gives a motivational speech there is always that one person that goes "BuT wHaT iF-" or when the fight begins someone says "wElL aCtUaLlY-" like no shut up.

Dad: Salem is going to be taken care of this season, and Cinder will go in Volume 9. The bad guy if Volume 10, in Vale, with be the Brothers.

Me: Figures.

Me: The staff of creation just summons a bunch of ghosts in suits discussing how to take down Salem.

Dad: a staff meeting, ha!

Me: Like Summer and Pyrrha are there in suits-

Dad: And all of the Oz incarnations. Just like "you got them in your head to?" "Yep." "Same."

Me: Do you think after they free Salem of her Grimm self she'll join the gang?

Dad: No-

Me: That's sad.

Me: *trying to explain the Oz timeline and where the Infinite Man fits in*

Dad: *nodding in obvious confusion*

Dad: Did Ozma 2.0 and Salem have a son?

Me: Diggs and Salem had four daughters. One for each season. Spring, Winter, Summer, Fall. Color coordinated and everything.

Dad: They arent going to have a happily ever after. What's going to happen is the brothers are going to view humanity as a disaster. With 3 out of 4 of the nations being in ruin, they won't see humanity as being united even if everyone worked together to defeat the final boss. So they are going to let Oz and Salem die and then send RWBY, JNPR, CFVY, ect. back to before Salem went batshit crazy-

Me: The first time or Atlas?

Dad: The first time. So they are going to stop Salem from jumping into craziness. Get it, because she jumped into the pools-

Me: I get it.

Dad: It wont be a HAPPY happy ending but there is no saving Remnant. It was a punishment anyways and Salem already won.

Me: Why cant they just put Atlas on top of the Pools of Grimm?

Dad: Because then Salem will have a giant flying castle.

Me: She already has a castle. And she has a flying whale Grimm. Just put the castle on top of the whale and BOOM! Flying castle.

Dad: I still think Jaune's sword is the Sword of Destruction. Nothing in this show happens without purpose.

Me: No, everything has a purpose, just some things get forgotten and/or ignored.

Me: The group is going to be those parents that when their kid says they don't want to do homework go "When I was your age-"

Dad: Like "When I was your age I stopped an evil monster!"

Me: "I killed my Collage Professor's evil ex wife!" Nora is going to be telling her and Ren's kids the battle of Atlas. "We were alone facimg against an army of Grimm!"

Dad: Its going to play out as Nora telling the group the Beowulf story with Ren correcting her. "We were hopelessly outnumbered." "We weren't." "Surrounded by an army of Beowulfs." "There were two."

Me: "The middle of the night!" "It was the afternoon."

Dad: Ren just resigns himself to spending his life correcting Nora's story telling.

Me: She's telling her kids stories-

Dad: And Ren is just in the kitchen making tea.

Me: Nora goes "Our teacher's wife invaded mantle with thousands of Grimm! The Jellyfish were invading Mantle!" "They were floating in the sky." "We were farther apart then ever-"

Dad: "We were a block away."

Me: "The General.... Was Ironwooding." The rest of the group comes over with their kids. Nora is screaming about the story and Ruby and Yang join in. Ren and Weiss correcting them.

Dad: Blake is in the corner drinking tea.

Me: She looks up and goes "This is great tea." Meanwhile Ren is still busy correcting Nora.

Dad: "But they didnt know we had a secret weapon... A 20 foot laser eyed robot!" "She was 4' 8""

Me: Oscar comes over one day and says "Remember that one time I was shot off Atlas by James and fell and broke my aura falling down to Mantle." And everyone is like no??? Cause with the way things are going, he's not going to tell them.

Dad: Qrow is just upstairs banging his cane on the ground like "Keep it down I'm trying to sleep!"

Me: I love how we assume Qrow lives with them.

Dad: Of course he does. Where else would he stay?

Me: Tai.

Dad: Qrow is that old nuisance who lives with them.

Me: He's an old bird half the time just chilling on everyone's shoulders. How would the rest of the group be paired up? The only canon ship we got is Renora.

Dad: What Salem did with bringing back Ozma was essentially the 'Go to ask Dad. Dad gave you an answer you did not like. Go to Mom. Mom says yes. Parents start fighting and punish the kid."

Me: If Salem had gone to the younger brother, or in this case, mom, she wouldve gotten what she wanted and there would be a war on the Brother's hands cause the older couldn't punish Salem and could only argue against the younger.

[cinnamonrollstark]

Irondad Bingo: Trope: Sick Fic

@irondadbingo

□□□

Your toothbrush is the red one. Damn thing has your name on it- you've got no excuse to forget. The bathroom is twenty-two steps from the bedroom, and a sharp left turn away. It shouldn't be that hard.

But somehow, it is. If it weren't, Tony wouldn't get cavities in the back of his mouth, or piss his pants in search of the toilet. This is meant to be a natural occurence, and it likely would've afflicted his father were he to have lived long enough, and yet, it feels like an intrusion on his life, a bomb dropped for absolutely no reason other than to throw him off course.

If it were as easy as simply reminding himself of these things day to day, then Pepper wouldn't have to find him in the hall, confused and frustrated, and scared because he doesn't know which way to turn next. She wouldn't have to brush his hair or remind him to wash it when it gets oily. But she does. And that is how it goes.

Dementia robs him of most luxuries. It was always Tony's longtime goal to find happiness one day, and as soon as he'd found it, the rug had been ripped from underfoot, and he'd landed in an abyss, with no direction, no map, and no way to get out again.

And yet, some days, the confusion clears. He is lucid, happy. These days are getting rarer as of late, few and far between, but when they occur, he never takes them for granted. He steals lucid moments of sunlight, wind combing through his slowly graying hair. He hugs his daughter, who grows with such rapid force that he's entirely sure he's missed years of her life in between the clarity. He stands at the bank of the lake, toes dipped in the water, letting sand tickle the soles of his feet. He takes these moments in as deeply as he can, as often as he can.

Today is no different. It's been three months since he was last completely lucid, and lately his ability to walk and talk as he once normally did is fading. It's somewhat early in the summer, about a week into June. Crisp light filters in through scattered windows in the lake house, framing Tony's figure as he looks out the window. The day has been slowly slipping through his fingers, and he knows what's coming. For all the planning and paperwork they've put into this, it's far harder to come to terms with as it actually happens.

Slim arms weave through his own, his hands in his pockets, and wrap around his waist. Pepper, the familiar scent of her perfume. Her breath elevates his chest against her own, her chin on his shoulder. "What're you doing?" She asks, swaying a bit against his body.

Tony lets out a soft exhale and turns to face her, returning the embrace. "Just thinking," he admits, not quite able to look directly at her. "Not gonna lie, Pep," he clears his throat, "I'm scared."

Pepper runs a soft hand across his hair and smiles with tears in her eyes. "I know," she swallows, and the pain in her voice is evident, "but you know it's going to be okay."

This is a quiet, loving lie. They tell this to themselves to feel better about what will happen later tonight, what they've been expecting for months now. They are settled in their decision, of course, but are nowhere near happy about it.

Morgan is not quite old enough to understand it in its entirety; at eight, she is obviously intelligent, but the rapid decline of her father's health was beyond her comprehension in its earliest stages, and now, as it is coming to an end, she is more so confused about what will happen after than why it is happening at all.

Many long talks with her, mostly on Pepper's end, as Tony is often unable to get a clear point across, have lead her to a stable acceptance of the subject.

Peter, on the other hand, has been so against the idea from the beginning that Tony's been fearing the worst- that he wont show up at all. He's 19, now, taking a gap year between high school and college. Other than lower-level villain defense, Peter isn't up to much at the moment, and his freedom to participate in the last clear days of Tony's life makes his absence all the more painful.

◇◇◇

Pepper's fingers lather shampoo through Tony's dark hair. She plants kisses on his soapy, wet cheeks, and cries as calmly as she can. It's moments like this, moments when he's aware and lucid that she misses him all the more. Every good moment has felt like the last in recent months, and now that is truly how it is.

It feels odd getting dressed for the last time- casual, comfortable, but something other than his standard pajamas- and his wife helps him pick out his last pair of clothes. He's gotten quite skinny, still muscular, but much smaller. Her arms fir around his waist so easily that her wrists overlap. She whispers that she loves him into his neck, and he tells her he loves her right back.

Tony pays a visit to Morgan's room soon before the doctor arrives. His daughter is sitting on her bed, eyes locked outside the window. She hugs a stuffed animal to her chest.

"Hey Maguna." He sits on the edge of the bed with her, and she glances warily at him. "You doin' okay?"

He runs a hand over her soft but messy hair. Her lips pout out in the way that they do when she's about to cry, and he kisses her cheek as the tears spill over. She doesn't sob or wail; it is resigned mourning.

"I just don't get why- if you're okay right now- why you have to go."

Tony takes in a deep breath. He had a feeling this question would come, as it is a perfectly natural reaction. He swallows the lump in his throat and hugs her from the side.

"Its because I'm okay right now that I know it's time to go. Thing is, kiddo, that things haven't been so easy for me lately. Things that everyone else can do without even thinking. And I don't always get to look at you, and see you for you."

He has to pause in order to not break down- six months ago, he forgot who she was. Simply didn't understand why this stranger of a child was in his house. It hadn't made sense to him when she'd burst into tears, and why he'd followed suit, as if some part of him knew what a self-betrayal it was to forget his own daughter.

"And I always want to look at you, and know you. And know your mom. And your big brother. I don't lose those things because I want to; it's just not in my control. But this is."

Morgan nods, a tear slipping from her cheek and over her lip. "I know," she admits. "I just wish you could stay."

◇◇◇

They eat dinner as a family, waiting in anxiousness for the arrival of Doctor Kleptach. Three chairs filled, and four spaces set for the meal. There is an emptiness that has yet to be filled, and it certainly isn't meant for the doctor.

Pepper keeps catching Tony's eyes, trying to reassure him that Peter will be coming, there is no way he'd miss this, but Tony isn't so sure. It feels as if Peter has completely separated himself from the family, as if he's rejected this new reality. Tony can't blame him; the last time the kid saw him, he was lost in the hall, wetting himself because he couldn't locate the bathroom in time. It must have terrified him, or at the very least, grossed him out.

It's coming down to the last twenty minutes before the doctor arrives, and Tony is certain that he wont be seeing Peter again until... well, until the time comes.

But there's a timid knock at the door, a catch of breath in each person's chest- and a tidal wave of fear that the doctor has arrived early. It's Tony who stands and makes his way to front of the house weakly, terrified that this means his time has been cut short. The doorknob turns, the door slides open-

And he's there. Peter launches himself into Tony's arms and he holds him there for a moment, hugging around him tightly. Tony tries not to focus on the way that Peter is quietly sobbing against his chest. When he finally let's go, Tony sees it in his eyes- this willingness to fight his own disagreement for the betterment of everyone else.

It's when he sees Peter standing there, red-eyed and tear stained, that he knows he can't go through with this. As much as it may have felt right, once, Tony still has a family. And though he falls apart, so often, now, he still has his good days.

He pulls him in, again, another embrace, and no longer for the last time. There will be many to come, and many to remember, even as he slowly loses those recollections, and moments in time that seemly do not exist any more. He is here, breathing and living right now.

When he turns to see his family, who stand awkwardly by the table, emotionally weary, he nods- and Pepper seems to understand, a slow-spreading smile on her cheeks. "Really?" She asks, breathless.

Tony grips Peter around the shoulders and smiles. "Really."

◇◇◇

Over the course of Tony's last years, he still lives out his good days. Most times he can be found, sitting on the patio of the lake house, across the table from his wife, trying his best to play stuffed animals with his daughter, or telling the few old stories he remembers again and again and again to the boy he is so thankful to call a son.

He does not always remember their faces, but they will always remember his, and that is enough.

[wongiemei]

iKON Relationship with New Girl Member

Jinhwan:

Basically, her dad

Takes care of her the most dealing with her problems

He’s the oldest and he is used to dealing with the boys’ shit so he can handle hers too

But sometimes, it can be overwhelming

The girl member would listen to him like he would for her

Whenever she gets in trouble, he would always defend her (which annoys Bin a lot)

When she’s in that *cough* time *cough*, she would be the most comfortable with him

Jinhwan wouldn’t hesitate but go to the store 2 streets down and buy her chocolate, medicine, heating packs, chips, and tampons/pads

out of all the boys, she would trust him the most

if she needs something, she would go to him first

jinhwan loves to brag about that to the boys

he also loves the fact that someone is finally shorter than him

the boys still call him short but the girl defends him saying he’s taller than her

if anything, they should call her short

the first time it happened, jinhwan almost cried bc finally someone stood up for him

whenever he’s upset or hurt by what the others said, he hides it but she can usually tell 

the only one he speaks his problems to

she experiments with makeup on him since he’s the only one who lets her

ngl, she’s actually pretty good

‘i didn’t spend 2 all-nighters watching jeffree star and james charles for nothing’

but as long as he sees that bright smile, he’s happy

i think he would be the im-never-letting-you-go type with her because he sees her as the girl he saw for the very first time

shy and innocent

and he will be damned if someone corrupts her

Yunhyeong:

if Jinhwan is her dad, he’s her mom

makes sure she does laundry, gets up early, goes to bed on time, showers before the boys

will feed and cook for the girl even when he’s tired

thinks shes the cutest little thing

but he knows that if he finds chanwoo and her are talking amongst themselves, shes gone

gets pranked on the most

the boys would use the girl to take advantage of his kindness to her for a prank

then the girl would be guilty later on and secretly tell song what theyre planning

believe it or not, yunghyeong is pretty scary when he’s mad

so she rats the others out bc she knows he wont punish her and she could watch the boys suffer

its like killing 2 birds with one stone

but really, she appreciates him

without him, she would be stuck eating delivery and ramen every night

since she rooms with him, chanwoo, and hanbin, hes always cooking something

ikonics see her a lot in his vlives and YT channel

when he went to the jungle, she was very worried

‘hyung, you’re going to get sick there! who’s going to feed me when you’re gone? you know Bin can’t cook for shit!’

‘yah! do you only see me as your chef?!’

‘what do you mean i can’t cook?!’

he looks out for her a lot

during ikontv, she was the only one excited for the mungap trip

out of all the boys, she appreciates him the most

okay, maybe she appreciates him and jinhwan the most

but, he was the one who made her feel welcome and tried the most to help her fit in and make sure she was comfortable

will never forget when he left her a tray of food at her door when she refused to leave her new room

there was a post-it note with encouraging words and she still has it to this day

just a wholesome mother-daughter relationship that will never be broken

Bobby:

oh, my baby

as i mentioned in the earlier post, he wasn’t very upset but he wasnt happy

but he wasnt upset enough to make her feel uncomfortable

bc jiwon is such a baby and so nice that he subtly helps her

over time, they build a cute relationship where he is like her older brother

steals her food all the time

‘no! song-hyung cooked that for me! Only for me!’

‘yah! it’s rude not to share with your elders!’

‘*mumbling* wdym elder. you’re practically a 5 year old’

jiwon has no mean bone in his body and you were practically an angel to him

well, when you’re not fooling around or goofing off

although he thought you wouldnt survive in iKON, he tries to help you as much as he can

even though bin is literally a big butt and gives you a hard time, jiwon helps you

like the time bin screamed at you because you couldnt get the dance right and you, being a strong woman who wouldnt let people push you around, screamed at him too

it resulted to you having a screaming match and the elders having to push you back because you were so close to punching him in the face and the youngers holding bin because he wouldnt hesitate to come at you

more on that in a sec

but you slammed the practice room shut and walked to the river to cool down

granted you were new to korea and didnt really know where you were going, you went to the place the guys took you to

bobby found you crying there and hes a very awkward little bean so it was hard for him to comfort you

since youre a girl and all

but you wrapped your arms around him and cried to his chest *cue confused and frozen bobby*

jiwon slowly wrapped his arms around you and whispered sweet nothings into your ear

since then, hes vowed to protect you bc youre basically the little sister hes wanted

B.I:

okay, lets get this bread

as i said in the beginning, he didnt like you

aT aLL

he wanted to give you a hard time bc he wanted to see how long you would last

these boys have been with him since their survival days and suddenly this girl comes in? no thanks bitch

but i think bin is just really frustrated bc he couldnt figure you out

the others, he knows like the back of his hands

but you? he doesnt know shit about you

*cue his bratty self*

we all know bin is actually a soft little puppy who needs to be protected by iKONICS and will sacrifice himself for his boys

and dont worry, he will soon come to love you too

when you locked yourself up in your room, jinhwan grabbed his ear and pulled him outside to scold him

but it resulted to bin and jinhwan arguing

‘if you dont get your shit together, we’re going to have some problems. you’re the leader arent you? then act like it’

every day you try to be nice to him but he just shrugs and sometimes even outright ignore you

but as time goes on, hanbin slowly figures you out

youre still scared of him and thinks hes a douche but you can see hes trying

he really is trying

he picks up your weird habits like unintentionally pout when you dont understand something or the tip of your nose sweating when youre nervous

before, he used to not ask for your input in any tracks but it has come to the point he would knock at your door in the ungodly time of 2 in the morning, asking if the draft is good

love scenario was your guys’ combined efforts

there will be an imagine with that^

since you came in bling bling era, he didnt really give you a lot of lines because he couldnt figure out your voice and your strengths

but now, he knows you very well too

‘yah, be careful. dont be eating a lot of that ice cream. you shouldnt even have any in the first place. youre lactose intolerant, remember?’

‘yes, bin. i think id remember if there was something wrong with me.’

there are petty little fights between you guys that used to be mean and hurtful but are now playful and downright cute

but that dreaded day of your biggest fight yet

in love scenario during bobby’s rap, there’s that fast move that even the others struggled in

but hanbin already got it nailed down bc hes a GOD

but you were struggling the most and hanbin tried to be patient and help you

it was just hard for you and you couldnt get it right

by the 100th time of him repeating it over and over again, he exploded

‘yah! how are you a dancer when you couldnt even get this right!’

you looked down ashamed while mumbling ‘sorry’

he yells again and you mess up 

AGAIN

he throws his hat down and gets up towards you

‘if you cant do it correctly, why bother with it? go home. you’re done’

jinhwan nervously puts a hand on his shoulder and goes in between them to try and difuse the situation

‘hanbin-ah. we’re having a hard time too. its not just her. the dance is just hard.’

‘i dont get we’ve done WAY harder choreo than this’

‘well, hanbin, remember. she wasnt here for that.’

‘maybe it was a mistake to put her here then. she isnt ready.’

you look up at him with flaring eyes

‘listen, you dont know anything that ive been through to get to where i am today so dont even say im not ready. YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!’

everyone stayed silent, even the maknaes bc theyve never seen her lash out like that

hanbin scoffed.

‘maybe if you actually opened up yourself to us and not hide in your damn room all day’

she stomped to him and pushed him

‘no MAYBE if you pulled your head out of your ass and take the time to get to know me then maybe you would! but NO! you decide to be a little bitch and throw tantrums just bc a girl joined your group. was your ego hurt that yg sent a girl to you? that you would need someone to make sure that this group doesnt crumble to the ground? bc with the way youre acting, the guys arent here just because youre a good leader. YOURE A TYRANT! THATS ALL YOU WOULD EVER BE!’

shit

Hanbin was FURIOUS

he pushed her back and the guys held on to them

you pushed them away and sent one last hateful glare before you made your way to the door

‘but dont worry, kim hanbin. because ill send my resignation letter to yang in the morning. im not putting up with your shit any longer’

there will be a whole ass imagine about that so it will contain when yall make up

but after that, yall are so cool

his sister loves you and he might start having a ‘thing’ 

more on that in a sec

Donghyuck:

oof my baby sunshine

previously stated, he was the only one excited for your arrival

so obvs, yall are very tight

you, bob, and dong do vlives together a lot and ikonics look forward to it all the time

always cheers you up

remember that prank for ikon tv where dong literally started comforting the girl?

well, he does that to you

he knows when you start to get upset and he rubs your back

sometimes, just a hug from him makes it all better

did i mention that he gives out the warmest hugs?

ace dancers

both of you love to do covers as bonding time

whenever you can’t sleep, you just go to the other dorm and go under the covers while he sings to you

he sees you as his little sister and reminds him of his own little sister back home

btw, he loves to give you gifts

but so do you

when yall were filming ikon tv, he always picked up something that reminded him of you

like when he went shopping with bobby for their studio, he got you a little cute figurine that you still have to this day

or when you went to lotte mall for your day off and bought him a little necklace

fans get excited bc they always see matching yall have

the two of you wear the most fan gifts

like when someone gave hanbin a shirt, you snatch it and wear it

like how dong takes bobby’s clothing

yall are so cute together and fans wish they had a brother or a sister like yall

Junhoe:

this hoe

jk, but he really looks hot in this one

yes, he hated you in the beginning but once he found out similarities between you, he started tolerating you

also to him, i think he oesnt like the fact that him and the others worked so hard to get where they are and he doesnt really know what you went through to get there

junhoe has the personality that may seem very cold at first but he easily opens up to others and that causes them to open up to him

he knows the struggles you went through to be in ikon

you’re older than him by a few months and you treat him like your child

‘junhoe-ah! dont forget to take your makeup off!’

‘yah! clean your room! its like a pigsty!’

he gets annoyed with it but he knows you just look out for him

he calls you ‘noona’ with that cute ass smile if he wants something

how can you say no to that

yalls laughs are so loud and yall are just loud in general

one time, yall had a competition on who could sing louder and the guys almost banned you from the apartment complex

the neighbors weren’t happy

he always asks you for fashion advice even though you don’t have a good fashion taste

you have the habit of spoiling him of clothes and shoes

‘noona, you don’t need to do this. take them back’

‘wtf they’re from busan. i’m not about to take a train ride there to return those. keep them.’

his mom absolutely adores you

always tells you to look after him and junhoe blushing like a maniac

‘mom, i’m bigger than her. i think she’d need more protecting than me’

he turns red whenever you pinch his cheeks together 

ngl, he had a crush on you but it faded away when he saw another member having a crush on you too

hes scared of him so hed rather back off

but you love him a lot and comfort him bc hes a little baby that really needs to be looked after

Chanwoo:

fuck, so cute

at first, chanwoo ignored you and made sure you were uncomfortable

even going as far as to disrespecting you

like being rude and being un-chanwoo

lets just say yunhyeong beat it out of him

as the youngest member, you baby him the most

‘oh, my little baby!’

initially, he was uncomfortable with it 

but now, he lives for it

pouts when you give another member too much attention

teases you about your short height all the time

helps you grocery shop mainly for him to carry the bags

‘dont worry, noona. im strong’

you find out that chanwoo actually joined the group last and had a hard time fitting in

you used this to your advantage to get closer to him with your similar situations

‘you know, being in an unfamiliar environment is hard. but having someone who understands your feelings makes it easier’

and he just looks up to you with those big brown eyes and you just melt

gamer buddies

love to go to pc cafes even though yall have your own respective computers at home

only goes for the food

always calls him when you’re stuck in one level

*cute Hanbin’s voice*

‘CHANWOO-YAH!!!! JUNG CHANWOO!!!’

even though he might act like a bitch sometimes, hes actually so soft and cute

hes your little baby and will always be your little baby even though yall are like 80

[rubysoleilsworld]

Fightclub

Damian adored his father, he loved Alfred and Grayson, and was passing fond of Todd, Cassandra, Stephanie and Barbra. But despite this, he had been looking forward to spending time alone in the manor. To be allowed to be in the manor on his own felt liberating. Even though father had locked down access to the cave, Damian considered this day to be a milestone of trust for them both. Most other 12 year olds were allowed to stay home without a babysitter, or in his case, a butler. Despite not be allowed to patrol, he was excited at the prospect of having the manor all to himself for the entire evening.

What precipitated this milestone was a charity event at Gotham General for the new cancer wing and adjacent research facility, and Alfred, who was on his way to England to sort out a cousin’s estate. The charity event promised to be hours long, combining drinks, aperitifs, silent and live auctions, followed by music and dancing. The invite said ‘A night of Emotion, featuring Celtic Woman’.

Damian, who had just recovered from a 24 hour flu that had struck in the middle of the night two days ago, had begged off attending. But everyone else including Grayson, was in attendance. Even Todd was present as Red Hood, patrolling the area from above. Todd was also serving as Grayson’s wingman, whatever that meant. The Birds were taking care of the rest of Gotham tonite.

Now it was just him. Alone in the expansive manor left to his own devices. The first two hours he indulged himself by running around the manor pretending to battle imaginary intruders. Really, it was nonsensical of father to think that the manor’s security was infallible. With that thought he drew up drill plans, noting spots of egress and ingress within the expansive manor.

He idled with the thought of eventually uploading his plans onto the batcomputer, but no, these drills must be memorized, with no digital or hard copy available. He would speak with the second eldest, Todd, about this tomorrow. After all his mother had breached security twice that he knew of, and Selina....Well, Catwoman wasn’t league trained, but she was charmed. How else could one explain away the things she was able to do. She once managed to put a silver cross around his neck without him knowing! Why a cross, he’ll never understand. But to this day for some reason he leaves it hanging on his bedroom mirror. Perhaps a reminder that he is not as infallible as he is wont to imagine?

Having worked up an appetite, his tastebuds drummed as he thought of the cucumber sandwich that Alfred had made just for him just before leaving for the airport. One of just many such treats Alfred had prepared to last the boy through the week.

He prepared the table carefully, just as Alfred had thought him. Laying out the table cloth with care, placing a crystal goblet of water to his right. He needn’t silverware this time, so from the credenza he only took out a linen napkin and a small china plate usually reserved for dessert. Alfred wouldn’t mind him using the good chinaware. Sometimes it was nice to do things proper, instead of being pedestrian.

He retrieved a small container from the icebox and walked over to the table. Inside was his favorite, cucumber on marbled rye, with a garden veggie schmear Alfred had managed to reengineer from Damian’s favorite Metropolisian deli. He loved the way Alfred prepared sandwiches, cutting off the crusts just how he like it. Father always complained when Damian asked him to cut off the crusts, stupid Drake said it was wasteful, but Todd didn’t care. Sometimes during patrol he would bring them both panini’s from Allessandro’s, and cut the crusts off with his utility knife just to spite ‘The replacement’.

He’d barely placed his sandwich on his plate when he heard Grayson, Todd and Drake crashing through the garage door into the utility room, and out again through that door into the foyer. Startled Damian made a mental note ‘ingress. Garage door; utility room door, not secure’.

“Damian!” Grayson, demanding to know where he was.

“I’m in the dining room”, he responded, getting up from the table, “why are you back early”.

Before he could make his way to the foyer his 3 elder siblings stumbled into the dining room. Grayson and Todd each having slung an arm of Drake’s over their shoulders, dragging in the younger, because he could barely walk, further into the dining room.

“How did he manage to injure himself at the party?” Damian demanded.

“Oh he’s not injured” Grayson said wryly.

Lifting his arm away from Todd and Grayson, Drake moved further into the dining room on his own.

Stumbling he reached a hand out towards the table slurring, “how’s I s’posed ta know Irishh coffee has wishkey innit...”. His hand fell short. Ffalling face first towards the floor, he turned at the last second, landing on the Venetian tile with a resounding splat on his back instead.

“You let Drake become inebriated!” Accused Damian.

Grayson and Todd, at the same time, “it was his fault!”

“How is this my fault?” Todd complained, “I wasn’t even there!” Grayson just rolled his eyes as if to say, ‘I didn’t mean you’.

“Tt, it does not matter Todd,” snapped Damian, “doubtless father is furious though.”

“Oh, father doesn’t know,” Todd interjected derisively, “he thinks it’s just an act. Civilian identity and all that.

“Anyway,” Grayson, ignoring Jason, continued, “just tell us where you want him and don’t say the floor.”

“In his own room. Grayson, why are you asking?” Suddenly Damian was suspicious.

“Yeah, that’s not happening” Todd said quickly.

“Thhrr thumping me”, Drake whined from the floor. “Istha a coocumber sthanwith”

Damian shot the duo an affronted look, chin out, as if ready to fight.

“Look, little D, it’ll be ok,” Grayson laughed “just call Alfred he’ll tell you what to do”

It was Todd’s turn for the look this time, giving Grayson an incredulous one, and Damian said tersely “I can’t do that he’s on a transatlantic flight.”

“What? No he’s not, he just flew to Cambridge, he should be there already—“

“Oh. My. God” Todd rolled his eyes, and Drake started laughing hysterically.

“Mathathewset! ...aha, haha...!” Drake howled with laughter from his place on the floor.

Giving Drake a look of disdain, Damian raised his voice over the maniacal cackling. “Cambridge, Cambridgeshire England Grayson! And just exactly how much Irish coffee have you had tonight?”

“Look little D—“ but Damian cut him off.

Glaring at Grayson he said “ No! You and Todd cannot just dump him on me like this. Why can’t Stephanie and Cassandra look after him?”

Drake bolted upright. “Shthefhany thoved me intho th waither!” He said angrily, arm outstretched pointing an index finger at the trio.

Then, still in his sitting position, he twisted back towards the table. Placing his hands on the it, he started slowly dragging himself along its length, while Todd smirked, trying not to laugh at him.

“Steph and Cass are too busy shipping over Celtic Woman,” Grayson began before Todd cut him off.

“And we’d tranq him, but B locked down the cave because someone wanted some alone time!”

“Tt, if you’re out of darts, then just take him to the clock tower so Gordon can babysit!”

“D—“ Grayson started again.

“No!” Todd grabbed Damian by the upper arms, looked down as his littlest brother, and said, “we can’t do that because we’re trying to get laid, and we need to get out of here ASAP!”

With a sneer Damian resisted the light hold, but Todd pulled him back. He lifted Damian up about an inch over his own head, and half an arms length away, emphasizing both the elder sibling’s strength and reach, as well as his irritation.

“Desist now Todd!” Yelled Damian, but with his arms pinned to his side there was very little he could do, except palm a small dagger from his pocket,and that made him very furious with his second elder brother. At the same time he was also mad with respect for Todd, though he’d never admit it.

Holding Damian up in the air, the younger’s legs thrashing wildly, trying to connect with Todd’s ribs, he said between clenched teeth, ‘It’s not that hard. There are 3 basic rules. 1. Feed and water a Timbo, but don’t let him eat or drink too much, and 2. make sure you flip the replacement over on his side when he passes out.”

With that Todd set his littlest brother back down, dodged Damian’s sweeping leg kick, and a dagger to his side with a quick hop and a laugh. Thumping Grayson on his back with both hands, the two proceeded to head back towards the garage. Though Grayson had the audacity to wag his index finger towards Damian, mouthing ‘no stabbing or killing your brothers’ as he walked backwards towards the utility door.

“What’s the 3rd rule?” Damian shouted after them.

In unison they both yelled back “Don’t be a narc”.

“Narc, whatever does that mean?” He mumbled to himself.

Behind him Damian’s plate crashed to the ground, and he heard Drake say, “Thiss coocumbrr sthanwhith is tho gud!”

‘Drake!” Damian rounded on his elder brother and leapt towards the table, snatching up the plastic container that held the rest of his precious sandwiches.

“Oh! For mercy’s sake Drake, show some dignity.” He said. He then walked back to the kitchen to put the container back in the icebox.

Drake, in response “nom, nom,nom,nom...” as he finished the sandwich.

Damian shook his head, resigned. He grabbed a jar of peanut butter and two spoons, then made his way back to the kitchen.

Seeing the peanut butter Drake’s shoulders drooped, head down, he whined, “I sowry. I sssuckk!”.

Utilizing a chair Drake pulled himself up to sit at the table. Damian pushed the goblet of water towards his 3rd eldest brother. Drake picked up the goblet and drank the water in one drought. He took the proffered spoon, and together him and Damian proceeded to take turns spooning out the peanut butter to eat.

After a couple two, or three large tablespoons, Drake spoke again “whathss that?” He reached towards the papers on which Damian had prepared his emergency drills.

“I am not ready to share that yet”, he moved the paperwork to his other side, out of Drake’s reach.

Drake, pointed a finger at Damian, “okay, ‘feth up, liddle bat, you were running around the houth earlier playing roguesth and capess”

Damian scowled in between spoonfuls of peanut butter. “Tt, did not.”

Drake regarded him thoughtfully, glassy eyes trying to focus, as he moved to rest his chin on his hand, “I almos believe you.”

Damian noted his speech was improving, but he also remembered rule number 1 and took the spoon and jar of peanut butter away from Drake. “For your information, I was playing capes and assassins, league trained to be exact.”

Drake, though still trying to focus, noted in his language usage that league trained also applied to capes,“ intersthing!” He perked up, remembering something his inebriated mind considered parallel. “Have you ever hurd of thelebrity fight club?”

“I thought we weren’t supposed to speak of it?”

Drake sputtered, “no, thath’s fight club fight club.”

Damian frowned. “Please Drake, father would never let us engage in such public spectacle.”

“Iths not real, iths claymation.” It took some effort on Drake’s part to get out that last word.

It was Damian who regarded Drake thoughtfully this time, “Explain.”

“Jon ever thow you Wallace and Gromit?” Damian shook his head in assent, and Drake continued, “tho like that, bu’ with c’lebrrdies f-fighting eachhothr…,” he grinned, and waited expectantly, starting to feel much better.

Damian was silent, waiting for the penny to drop.

“…and thhink of th’ damage you can infflict on a clay figuure...”

Damian’s brows knitted together, “…and said damage could be repaired quite easily. So, in effect it’s a harmless practice.”

“Exactly!” Tim beamed, slapping his hand down on the table. “Hey can I have ssome ore water?”

“Of course you may.” Damian took the glass, and proceeded into the kitchen.

Returning from the kitchen, Damian continued the conversation, “am I correct in assuming this is the part where we have discourse about who could defeat who?”

“Exactly!”

Sitting down, Damian hummed. This time it was he who rested his chin on his hand. “But, as a Jon would say, cartoon rules apply. Otherwise it would make no sense to include Wonder Woman or Superman in such barbaric pursuits.”

“Yass! Damesth, I’m tho proud of you!” He raised his hand in the air.

Damian grinned proudly returning the gesture, and Drake slapped Damian’s hand with his own.

“Ok, first up-“

“Harley Quinn vs Nightwing!” Damian said excitedly. “If Harley has her baseball bat she’d mop the floor with Grayson.”

Drake grinned, “way to show family loyalty, but alright. Oh hey! My action figures are still here. We can use them.” Drake got up and with Damian following they retreated upstairs.

Once upstairs, in Drake’s old room, suite really, Drake got down on the floor, reaching his arms underneath his bed he pulled out a rather large container. He didn’t get up, instead he shoved the box towards Damian, and rolled over on his side. Propping himself up on his elbow, he opened the container. Damian sat on the floor opposite and watched as Drake dumped out the contents of the box. There were what appeared to be hundreds of action figures now on the floor between them. Some were characters from Star Wars and Star Trek, some he recognized from his collections of video games. It was the hero action figures that caught his eye. The entirety of Gotham’s rogues were represented, as were the entire caped and cowled community. From Batman to Zatanna.

“Drake,” Damian breathed in awe, “why do you have all these?”

“Why not? Most of the superhero one’s were before I came to Iive with Bruce.”

Together, they began sorting the figures, throwing the generic thugs, transformers, stormtroopers, and red shirts back into the box.

“Damian,” Drake began, “can I see what you’ve been working on now?”

Damian paused, considering the request, absently fiddling with a transformer. He did bring his plans upstairs with him. Damian dropped the transformer in the box and picked up his plans, holding them gingerly. His lips twitched as he looked at the bundle of drawing paper, but despite his hesitant anxiety, he leaned over the box and handed the bundle to Drake.

Damian nervously began to sort actions figures again. He had originally wanted to show Todd first, since this was something his second eldest brother had likely done for his own apartment building. He’d never considered showing Drake first.

“Damian,” Drake looked up from reading Damian’s work, after having briefly looked through paperwork. A look of admiration shown on his face. “This is really good!”

“Really? I thought to show Todd first....”

“I think you should show Bruce tomorrow.”

“If you think so.”

“I do.” Drake stifled a yawn and passed the bundle of paper back to Damian who beamed proudly.

“Thanks Drake. That means a lot coming from you.”

A look of disbelief flickered briefly across Drake’s face. Recovering quickly, smiling he said simply, “thanks, and back atcha baby bat.”

Putting the plans aside Damian set about separating the actions figures once more.

“Drake, should we do a tale of the tape? Oh, and since you have a Red Hood figure, I’ve put back the Joker since...well you know.”

When silence greeted him, Damian looked up to find Drake sprawled on his back, softly snoring. Damian shoved the now closed box aside and out of the way. As,he was sliding the selected action figures to one side of the box he saw a robin action figure newer than the others, and picked it up. With a look of wonder Damian turned it over once in his hands. It was his very own figure, green boots and mask and all.

Smiling gently, he looked over at Drake. Remembering rule #2, he scooted over and tugged on Drake’s arm and shoulder until his elder brother was laying safely on his side. After placing a blanket over Drake’s sleeping form, he picked up his bundle of paperwork and his action figure. Making his way out of the bedroom, he placed his action figure on the night stand, and turned off the light before quietly closing the door.

[lexinthelibraryofdreams]

Enemies To Lovers

Imagine:  Friends/Enemies to lovers

Pairing: Theseus Scamander x Reader

Words: 3667

A/N: Week two, day six of the Leather and Lace + You Keep Me Warm Romance Event. Did this get out of hand? Yes. Do I care? Barely. Hope you enjoy. If anyone wants to request a character, feel free to do so :)

Warnings: none, I believe. If you want me to add anything, feel free to tell me :)

#

The first time you met Theseus Scamander, you immediately hated him. In your opinion, he wasn’t suited to be the head of your department and from the first meeting on he seemed to return your feelings. You barely left the office, stuck to your neck in paperwork he assigned to you. 

The more time went on, the more he seemed to ignore your requests to actually hire a secretary if he wanted one and allow you to do your job. You were getting frustrated with your job but were also too prideful to quit, which you assumed was what he wanted. 

#

“Sir,” you greeted him after entering his office with the finished reports again. He didn’t even bother looking up and you closed your eyes for a moment to center yourself. With more force than necessary, you put down the stack of papers on his desk. “Look, if you won’t even bother to greet me, at least don’t insist on having me deliver the reports personally. Then you don’t have to ignore me.”  You knew how disrespectful you sounded but you were past caring. He wouldn’t get rid of you unless he would forcibly remove you from the office.

Now he looked up. You only stared back, setting your jaw stubbornly. “I do not appreciate you tone, Miss Y/L/N,” was the only thing he said and you had to mentally hold back to not hex him. Straightening your back, you replied, “Well, I do not appreciate being degraded to your secretary when I should be out there and support my colleagues in the field. I know that I have the skills to perform the tasks of an actual auror, so I don’t see why you insist on holding me in the office.” He reached forward and took the papers you had brought him. “It is my decision to make who to send out and who to keep back. If you wish to keep your position, do not question my decisions any further,” he replied, the waved towards you. “You are dismissed.” A part of you wanted to argue but instead you abruptly turned on you heel and exited the office, throwing the door close in your anger. You ignored the few eyes on you as you made your way back to your desk. The few people that were actually here and not on the hunt for Grindelwald and his followers weren’t benched like you, they simply finished off reports from missions. Reports that would inevitably end up on your desk the next morning. One day you would probably snap and light them on fire the instance they arrived. 

#

A woman entered the office but you ignored her presence. At least, you tried until she stepped up to your desk. Hesitantly you looked up with a blank look, trying to look as busy and interrupted as you could. “Do you need anything?” you asked, not bothering with a greeting. You had seen her before, she was part of some other department in the Law Enforcement. She seemed to be friends with Scamander, considering they often spent their breaks with each other.

Now she looked down on you with an unreadable expression. “Could you ask Mr Scamander if he has time? I wanted to talk to him.” You raised an eyebrow at her. “Sorry, Lady, but I’m not his bloody secretary. He just punishes me for existing with having to read over reports he is too busy for. Someday he’ll probably ask for a coffee. For all I care, he could burst into flames right now and I wouldn’t be bothered at all. Anything else?”

She looked a little taken aback at your hostility towards your boss but only thanked you and wordlessly retreated to his office. 

#

Later you learned that the woman was none other than Leta Lestrange, his fiancée. That outburst would probably fall back onto you but you were past caring.

#

“Y/L/N,” he said, approaching your desk. You plastered on a sweet smile and waited for him to ask whatever he wanted. “Go get your coat, you’re accompanying me.” It was almost embarrassing how quickly you got to your feet, slipping into your coat and following him wordlessly. Though you wondered what caused the sudden change but you wouldn’t test your luck with asking about it.

In the lobby you met up with several other aurors, the head of the Department of Law Enforcement and - of course - Leta Lestrange. You only gave her a semi-politely nod before listening to Travers. 

After the short briefing, you followed them outside and disapparated. The bridge leading to the castle was still like you remembered it and a nostalgic feeling welled up inside you. Your happiest memories all were bundled in the place but you knew you weren’t here for fun.

#

Interrogating Dumbledore went as well as you expected. He stayed polite but passive, not wanting to join the war that was inevitably coming. Or maybe it was already waging, it was hard to tell with how blurred the lines were. 

As you turned to leave, he called out to both you and Scamander. You were at the door already, looking at him expectantly. He warned you, should Grindelwald call for his followers to assemble, that you shouldn’t interrupt. 

On your way to the bridge, you walked next to Scamander, both of you silent. You admired Dumbledore for defending his point despite the pressure against him. You looked at your boss who seemed lost in thought. “Will you follow his advice?” He shrugged lightly. “I don’t know yet.”  You met up with the others again. It occurred to you that that was literally the first conversation between you without any malice behind it. Admittedly, it felt good.

#

Your next stop was Paris. Despite the urgency of the situation, you looked around to take in at least some of the sights. “First time in Paris?” Scamander asked suddenly and you looked at him before nodding. There still were more negative feelings between one another but since your visit in Hogwarts, you offered a less hostile stand, being more passive in your dislike of him.  If he noticed it, he didn’t comment on it.

#

“Where’s Scamander?” Travers asked and you only shrugged. “Why does everybody expect I know where he is at any given time? I’m not his secretary,” you replied, a little on the edge because even Travers was under the impression.  At least he looked more bewildered than offended by your harshness, then ordered for you to go and find him. You tried your hardest not to roll your eyes and trailed off to search and ask around.

In the end you found him locked in a room and tied to a chair. “Mr Scamander, what a coincidence to meet you here,” you said, leaning against the doorframe. When he stopped struggling to look up, you couldn’t hide a gleeful grin. “Looks like you’re in some kind of situation. Once you’re done here, Travers is searching for you.”  You turned around to leave, when you heard him struggle some more. “Y/L/N, wait!” he called out and you feigned hesitation. A heavy sigh sounded from behind you, followed by a “Please. I need your help.”

When you faced him again, you wore a big smile. “Really? I wouldn’t have noticed. I mean you normally got everything under control.” He made a face at you. “What do you want so no one will hear about this?” You raised an eyebrow at him and decided to test your luck. “An explanation and for you to get an actual secretary, so I can finally do my job. Maybe, if you’re feeling generous, even an apology but I’m not greedy.”

He sighed again, looking defeated. “It was your father. When he resigned, he requested for you be kept off the field. I know you’re more than capable but he is a scary and influential man, even if he has retired and I did not want to risk my career for that.” He paused and you thought about it. It made sense. Still, he did not have to be so unpleasant about it.  “I’m sorry,” he added and he seemed to mean it. You exhaled, then waved your wand and the rope fell to the ground. “Thank you for being honest. Though I’m still kind of angry you wouldn’t have told me without blackmail. That’s not a good way to keep up a professional relationship.” He stood up and straightened out his jacket. “I know. And I meant it when I apologize. I’ll try to be more open about your father’s requests in the future.”

“Appreciated,” you replied and followed him back to Travers.

#

You had tried to remind him Dumbledore’s words but he had just waved it off. “If you don’t think you can handle it, stay here,” he had said and you adamantly shook your head.

Now you stood there, watching in horror as blue flames devoured colleagues in front of you. Even though you were standing at a good distance to it, you could feel the burning heat on your exposed skin as if you were standing in it. Screaming from one side caught your attention and you saw Scamander as he tried to get to his fiancée. His brother was by his side, trying to drag him away from the flames when they burned the woman to ash. He was screaming and fighting against the grip, so you bolted down the stairs and grabbed him by the arm. “There is nothing you can do Scamander. We have to leave. Don’t let her sacrifice be a lost cause!” you yelled at him and that seemed to get to him a little. You made it out of the mausoleum barely as blue flames burst through the openings and burned everything in their path. Your hand was still wrapped around his upper arm when you were joined by an old, sickly looking wizard.

The circle around the graveyard was quickly formed and once you claimed your position, you drove your wand into the ground with a yell. A golden line formed on the ground and you watched as the flames were encased by the ward and orange flames until they were dragged into the building and finally snuffed out.

#

You stood next to your boss on the bridge as you watched his brother talk to Dumbledore. “He was right,” the man said and you looked at him. It was one of the few things he had said after watching Leta die and even though you still didn’t really like him, even you would try to be nice. “What do you mean?” He gestured towards Dumbledore. “He warned us. You were there. You tried to remind me but I brushed it off because Travers told me so. We never should have entered that mausoleum.” You hesitated, then placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I did warn you but even I couldn’t have imagined that. It wasn’t your fault. She made her own decisions.” You looked out towards Hogwarts. So many students behind the wall didn’t know what had happened only hours ago. Since the obscurial joined Grindelwald, you wouldn’t even deem this place safe and there was hardly anything better protected. “A lot will change, I suppose,” he said, following your gaze. You hummed in agreement, then added, “A lot already has.”

Your little group disbanded, one by one of those that were left walking past the wards and vanishing into thin air. You turned to follow and to your surprise he fell into step next to you. “What are you going to do now?” he asked, hands shoved into his pockets and eyes focused on the stones below them. You shrugged. “Get some rest. Grief those we lost. And when it is called for, fight. That means, if I’m allowed to leave the office now, sir,” you replied and noticed the ghost of a smile cross his lips.

“I can hardly bench my best auror now, can I?” he said and you gave him a firm smile before disapparating.

#

The next time you stepped into the office, it had changed. Some tables had been cleared which tightened a knot in your stomach. Another desk had been set up before Scamander’s office. A woman was sitting at it, avidly reading over some papers. She looked up and gave you an easy smile as you approached. “Ah, you must be Miss Y/L/N. I’m Priscilla Selpie, Mr Scamander’s new secretary and assistant. He asked me to send you inside once you were here.”

You thanked her with a nod and a smile then entered after knocking. “So you actually listened to me,” you said instead of greeting him and he looked up. “Good morning to you, too. And you actually still don’t care for politeness.” He rounded his desk and leaned against it. You doubted that he had slept much since your return from Paris, judging from his messy hair, his pale face and the very noticeable bags under his eyes. Even his suit jacket had creases where they didn’t belong, completely untypical.

“You know, maybe you should listen to another advice of mine and try to take some time off. You just lost someone, it is understandable,” you said and he shook his head. “I got restless at home. It was bad. This way I can keep busy and distract myself. And try to find the man who is behind all of this.” You looked at the picture of Leta Lestrange on his desk and he followed your gaze. “You hated her, didn’t you? At least, that’s what she thought.” Now it was your time to shake your head. “No, I hated you. I felt really more indifferent towards her than anything else. Admittedly, I was wondering a little how she could love an ass like you but now that I’ve seen some other sides of you... She seems less of a lunatic and more of a normal woman with a type.”

A fond smile crossed his face. “So, hated? Past tense?” You rolled your eyes at him. “That does not mean that I like you, Scamander but... let’s just say that my feelings towards you are neutral. I hope that’s enough for now.” Still, your tone wasn’t harsh. You did have more than enough time to think about what happened and what he told you and in the end he was deemed potentially likeable. Maybe, in the near future, you could even become friends.

He looked at you for a moment, then nodded. “For now.”

#

And friends you did become. It was two years after the graveyard and you knew that he wouldn’t have it easy today. You greeted Priscilla who smiled at you cheerily and entered the office without knocking. “Alright, Scamander, time for dinner.” Even though he had asked you along the way to use his first name, you refused to do so, just because of how much it annoyed him. Still, it was different than before, spoken with at least 40% more fondness and 75% less irritation. Of course, those numbers varied from day to day.

He didn’t look up. “I’m not really in the mood for dinner” You didn’t bother and forcibly closed the book he was reading, staring down at him. “Well, then you better get in the mood quickly because we are going. You have no say in that. I’m not going to let you gloom in your office for the rest of your day only to end it with a bottle of bourbon. I watched that last year.” He leaned back and rubbed across his neck, clearly tense from looking down the entire time. “I don’t see you barge into my brother’s house to invite him to dinner,” he replied and you raised your eyebrows at him. “Well, Newt has a friend and a nice American lady by his side, so he doesn’t need me but you do, so get up before I hex you.” He reluctantly did, whether because of your reasoning or your threat was unsure but irrelevant.

He followed you out the building and towards a cozy muggle restaurant close to the ministry. “Why aren’t we going somewhere... uh...” You grinned as he struggled with finding the right word, then interrupted him. “Because you need a break from magic and everything that comes with it. So we’ll eat at a muggle place.”

#

Despite his original hesitation, he seemed to enjoy both the food and the surroundings. Afterwards, you insisted on taking a walk. He walked beside you for a while without saying anything. “I should probably go home... I don’t want to bother you for longer.” You gave him a pointed look and he almost helplessly lifted his shoulders. “Scamander, I already said I’m not going to let you drink your sorrow away. At least not alone. Now come one, I have some drinks at my place.” You offered him your arms and when he put his hand on it, apparated you both to your place. He looked around, the first time he set foot into your flat.

“Take a seat,” you offered and he sat down on your sofa while you retrieved the bourbon and two glasses, placing them on the coffee table and filling them.

#

In the end, he slept on your sofa after pouring his heart out to you in a less-than-sober state. Whatever he had told you, you would keep it to yourself, you decided.

#

On the third anniversary you repeated it. Again, he stayed on your sofa for the night and you woke him up the next morning with a strong coffee. He sat at you dinner table while you prepared some breakfast and seemed to watch you. “How personal did I get?” he asked after a while and you laughed a little. “Even more than last time.” You watched him for a moment before returning your attention to the food in front of you.

He had told you how he wanted to move on but still felt guilty about it. That he knew he couldn’t stay like this forever but that he didn’t want to disappoint or forget her, let alone give off the feeling he wanted to replace her. Then you hadn’t said much with real essence but now you wanted to do so. Still, you couldn’t think of the exact words. And a while ago, another issue had occurred.

Finally you could understand how Leta could have love an ass like him.

#

You entered his office and put the mug down on his desk. “I thought you could use a coffee. This mission was hell.” It wasn’t the first time you did field work but surely the hardest. Or at least second hardest. Nothing would ever trump Paris. At least you hoped it wouldn’t. He took the coffee and sipped on it before thanking you.

“Anything you want?” he asked and you shook your head, leaning against his desk sideways to watch what he was doing. “I finished the report and handed it over to Priscilla. You should take a break. If you continue to squint at the paper like that you’ll get wrinkles or need glasses. Or both. Probably both.” He gave you a tired smile and stretched a little before standing up and joining you on the other side of the desk. His elbow bumped into yours as he took another sip.

“You are always worrying about me,” he teased and you laughed. “Someone has to. You’re clearly not doing it.” He smiled and now intentionally bumped his elbow into your side. Both of you quickly sobered up, then he spoke again. “You know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. We started out literally hating each other and now... never would have imagined that when we first met.” You nodded, smiling into your mug. “Likewise. But I don’t mind this at all.”

He hummed and you could see from the corner of your eye that he was watching you. “Can I help you with something?” You put your mug down on the desk and looked at him. His expression seemed clouded for a moment, then he leaned forward. You unintentionally held your breath but he stopped and pulled back, then turned away. “Sorry. I’m... I just...” he sighed and you put your hand on his which was gripping the edge of the desk hard. “I know. It’s okay. I understand.” He turned around only to look at you with surprise written on his face. “How do you... wait... the anniversary?” You nodded and gave him a warm smile. “Take your time, Theseus. I won’t go anywhere.” This time, you used his first name intentionally.

Now you leaned forward, to press a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll leave you to it.” You picked up your mug again and pushed away from the desk, not getting further than a step.

His hand around your wrist stopped you. You halted, waiting for him to act, which he did by spinning you around and planting his lips on yours. You willingly melted into him, trying not to drop your coffee, smiling against his lips the entire time.

When you parted, you looked him into the eyes and planted another short kiss on his lips. “That was quicker than expected.” He smiled, a little sheepishly even, and brushed some hair behind your ear. “You made it easier. I’m glad I drunkenly confessed that. Otherwise I might have let you walk out,” he said and your smile only widened. “Would have been a shame, really. But I’m glad you didn’t.”

Whatever this would grow into, it somehow had been years in the making, neither of you could deny that. It truly had been a wild ride and with the uncertainty of the future, it would surely stay just as interesting but it was easier to look ahead when you knew someone by your side.

[cruxcrescent]

Lone Camellia.

“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then, it can never be your weakness.” – George R.R. Martin

It was a misty morning that first brought her to him.

He was treading the lands as he always did, moving as if a ghost through the forests that he had called home then. She approached him from the fog that wove between the trees, though he had caught her scent long before she appeared. Witless and lanced through with the sweat of determination, the distinct twinge of someone looking for something. It made his nose wrinkle in disdain. 

When her verdant eyes settled on him, he had stopped while standing aloft the roots of a great tree. It provided the height from which he towered before her, not that he wasn’t already so tall. Yet, she had more height than he had expected for one so meager in figure. She’d dropped to her knees in deference to the Great Dog Prince, reducing herself from the gazelle-like stature she held.

“You are Lord Sesshoumaru, are you not?” she’d said simply, swallowing hard against her innate fear. Indeed, he conceded she was brave to approach him; he was sure her instincts were screaming out against her choice.

He didn’t answer her right away, golden eyes slanted downwards to appraise her through the morning mist, and darkness of the forest. She didn’t move, didn’t dare to raise her face to him again after she had taken her vulnerable position.

“What do you want with me?” he said curtly. 

“Please, o Lord of the Western Lands. I’ve sought you to train me,” she proclaimed, finally lifting her head to beseech him properly. He could now clearly see the green markings that stood shockingly vibrant against her tan skin. He’d already known what she was when her scent met him, but the gentle, light freckles that sprinkled their way over her shoulders and face identified her as a deer youkai. Strange that one should be this far in the mountains, he mused idly.

“What for and why should I?” 

She swallowed again. 

“My family has been slain by humans, my lord. Not one is left of them but me, and I wish to be powerful, like you,” she stopped to let herself grimace as if struck by the memory. “Please, I do not wish to die. I am tired of being weak.”

A low huff.

“That is none of my concern.” 

With that he’d sprung off the roots of the tree, sailing over her folded figure to land behind her. His landing barely shifted the moss beneath his feet. She’d frozen, as her kind were wont to do, and now did not turn to face him again. He’d started walking away, determined to move on in his patrol, when a vine caught his foot. That vine had not been there before, he’d thought, as he sliced it away without preamble. More of them started to manifest from the same spot to cling like the worried hands of children to his boot as if their kin had not just been cut down in its prime but seconds ago. 

He growled his disapproval as he turned to glower at the culprit, knowing well who was daring to show such disregard for their own life. The deer appeared more spirited now as her youki thrummed from her hands that were planted firmly to the ground in front of her, pulsing towards him. Defiance colored her expression. 

“I apologize, my lord,” she said as her energy waned off into the passive force it had been previously. “Please forgive my insolence, but I wish nothing more than to become strong! I know I have not fangs or claws – but there must be some way,” she grew quieter as she spoke, voice breaking as a shudder ran through her. Yes, it was as he’d thought earlier. Her instincts were wisely rebelling against her very unwise decisions. He continued to glare out of the side of his eyes at her. To his surprise, she spoke again as he assessed his next move.

“Are you not the protector of these lands? My lord, will you truly allow these humans to get away with the slaughter of other demons when our numbers dwindle so?” 

It was then that whatever small, fragile pity he had for her had worn out. He stalked forward to grab her by the collar of her furisode, anger flashing in his amber gaze. Hauling her up to face him, he dug his claws in the silk fabric of her clothing. Poison mingled at his claw tips, singeing the delicate material where it touched. The hind flinched away from his eyes, but not his grip. 

“Your clear lack of self-preservation proves that you serve no use to me,” he rumbled low in his throat before letting her go harshly. She caught herself, refusing to stumble before him it seemed. “The plight of lesser demons does not concern me. Do not question my honor as such.”

He turned on his heels away from her. He had grown tired of this meeting and its sole occupant. With long strides, he began back into the forest, hoping to leave the deer behind this time.

As he walked along, he scowled to himself. He turned over her words a few times in his mind, marveling on it like a small pebble. Her comment had rankled him. He was indeed the guardian of the Western Lands as his father had been before him, however, the times had changed. Humans encroached, and more and more their distaste of demons grew palpable. Their gunpowder burned his nose, their settlements stole his territory, their noisiness irritated his hearing. He had resigned himself to the fact that the burden of his duties that his father had passed to him had transformed itself into another beast that dug its claws deeper and deeper into his back as the decades passed.

He did not need reminding by a lowly doe of that which he was well aware.

He continued deeper into the trees, but he was aware he was being followed. Low anger simmered beneath the surface of his stoic appearance. The hind was light on her feet, well adapted to masking her youki, and was keeping downwind of him and his nose, but she could not escape his notice. At this point, he was determined to ignore her. She would falter eventually. All those that were not him always did with time.

However, he, for one of the rare few times in his life, had been mistaken.

The hind tracked him for days beyond their meeting. Days turned into weeks, then into months. She was intelligent enough to keep a fair amount of distance between them, but she dogged him as he patrolled what remained of his lands. She settled when he took up a temporary den, watched from on high when he hunted with hard, glassy eyes. He, in turn, was stubborn enough to pay her no heed. If she put this much effort into training instead of following him, she might have what she wished for, he mentally grumbled. The nights he could sense her slumbering aura in the surrounding wood, he contemplated slitting her throat in her sleep. 

A dusty corner of the dog’s mind offered him a blithe metaphor of the hunter becoming the hunted, that their roles were reversed in this game. It was not true, of course, and he could have, at any point, stopped her foolish mission. Yet, he allowed it. 

After all, it was not his time, nor his endurance being wasted.

When it had been fourteen turns of the moon’s cycle, he finally halted in the middle of his patrol. It was a quiet summer night, only cricket song broke the tense silence that it held. A breeze worried the long pampas grass in the field he’d chosen to at last confront his uninvited follower. Sesshoumaru drew in a soft breath of her scent, holding it before letting it go silently. He could hear the doe coming up behind him. She took no measures to conceal her presence this time. Even she seemed to understand that he was at the end of his very long patience with her. 

“Doe,” he said without turning to face her. The wind carried the bass of his voice along with it, causing her to stop but a scant few meters away from where he stood. “What do you call yourself?”

“Tsubaki. I am Tsubaki.” He could not see her, but he was certain the weariness was beginning to make itself noticeable. Her voice was hoarse with disuse but stronger than he thought it would be. The steady wind ruffled the fur that clung to his shoulder. A lengthy pause proceeded his next thoughts.

“Tsubaki, you have told me you possess neither fangs or claws,” he addressed her. He caught the shift of her furisode against itself as she adjusted her stance. 

“Yet, do you not possess hooves, nor antlers?” 

“I do, my lord.” Her breathing grew errant. She was anticipating a fight, or perhaps something more.

“If you truly grieve enough for what you have lost that you desire power, I suggest you sharpen them instead.”

The night grew still around them, silence resuming its oppressive pall that was broken only by soft chirps of the insects hidden amongst the grass. At the edge of his hearing, the doe’s pounding heart settled like the previous breeze had died away. He allowed his eyes to close for a brief moment.

“Continue to give chase, and I shall kill you,” he turned his head to pin her with amber hues. Green stared back at them, and the Moonlit Prince noted that a different gleam took the place of the one he had seen when they’d first encountered each other; this one he could not place. His gaze returned forward. 

He walked on.

This time, she didn’t follow.

[tumblunni]

Random game idea that came to mind: clockwork man simulator

I dunno, i just got the general image in my head of a soft homey aesthetic equivelant of that terrible game about the androids. Itd be more like just a life-living game, like stuff like animal crossing or harvest moon. Just fully exploring the perspective of these creatures and the world that created them, rather than BOOM ACTION SETPIECES or whatever

I only have some scattered ideas for it tho, and not really any idea of a main plot or gameplay gimmick or 3 act structure or like.. Anything to take this from idea to game, lol.

SO ITS MISC IDEAS TIME

* more of an olden timey fantasy style instead of sci fi. Youre still an artificial person created to run errands for humans, but youre more of a combination of clockwork and magic. There's still an element of being made of inanimate object parts but there's also some glowy energy core or something. Possibly would be interesting if it was something unusual to use as a power source? Like i dunno, a bell or an acorn or a teacup or one of those rocks with the hole in it that sometimes wash up on beaches. Or just a glowy orb of Generically Defined Energy Substance, which flows through you like aesthetically pleasing glowy veins

* you're a service clockwork homunculus thingy, bought by a disabled person who needs help around the house. PERHAPS A SWEET OLD GRANDMA! Whatever i decide on (IT'LL PROBABLY BE THE GRANDMA), your owner is a kind person who sees you as part of the family and feels guilty using an android as they believe you are absolutely a real person and wish they could set you free. Unfortunately theyre kinda one of the people who needs androids the most, as they dont have any family who can help them. At the same time though, they are very old and quite resigned to nobody caring about them, plus theyre just a good person who'd put your life over their own. So i feel like the plot would literally start with this person trying to set you free and you are just like "i do npt understand the concept, that is not in my programming". Its become kind of a morning routine now to hear "youre free! Get out, dammit!" and have a brisk argument over breakfast that inevitably always ends with you refusing. Grandma's prpbably got so desperate they're resorting to tactics like trying to trick you into getting on the bus out of town or "if you dont leave im gonna hold my breath and i wont stop til i pass out". All inevitabley failing! So they just try and help you understand your sentience and become more independant, encouraging you to take free time every day and go around the town to enjoy yourself. Which is kinda a concept you dont understand yet, so its just like MISSION RECEIVED: WALK IN CIRCLE AROUND PERIMETER OF TOWN. And its kind of a hit and miss experience because the people in this town have never seen an android before- this magic is usually a thing for rich people and this proposed scheme of disability assistance androids is still in its test run. Some people are suspicious or hateful, but there are others who welcome you to the village and brighten up your day. Not just a world of 100% everyone assholes to make a melodramatic point delivered awfully through racist stereotypes.

* i think a good subplot with this disabled grandma would be to show her regaining her independance too. Like she starts off quite fatalistic and used to nobody caring about her, all this mobility aid stuff is new and she feels like its too complicated and she'll never get it, or its too expensive and she doesnt deserve it, or all the nonsense that ableist society drills into people. But with the support of her new friend and access to more tools to help take her life into her own hands, she starts regaining hope again! Like ironically she felt like her previous carers were all the kinds of awful things people expect these androids to be. Robotic, emotionless monsters who dont care about the person's feelings and comfort, and certainly not independance. She suffered from a lot of the same nightmares that androids do too: being forced into a rigid schedule, limited in her options, deprived of basic rights, being told how she's supposed to feel, etc. But to an android that all seems like an inefficient way to do things! My function is healing and human healing efficiency is decreased in this circumstance! I am incapable of ignoring data due to personal bias! Basically imagine MAGIC BAYMAX ok. Anyway this plot would progress with grandma regaining her smile and eventually itd be a super happy day when she's able to get her new wheelchair that she can wheel to the shops on her own without needing someone to push her. Itd be really sweet from the player's perspective to get used to saying goodbye to her every morning and then suddenly you see her wandering around the shops with everyone else and she can become a part of the vibrant town too. Im thinking give her more complex AI than all the other villagers even, like give her a more complicated set of actions and move routes and stuff like SHE IS EVERYWHERE and she is LOVING IT! Life is back where it belongs: in the hands of the person living it! And it also intensifies the message of android slavery not being necessary or moral or good. Like i mean here this lady benefitted from getting an android but literally all she needed was a friend, a healthcare professional who gave a shit, and affordable access to mobility aids. Humans could have done that if they werent lazy assholes! And this android deserves the right to the same uplifting independenceifying experience they helped this grandma have!!

* random idea: all the events you encounter on each daily walk are actually stored in your inventory as items. Memories of experiences, good or bad, become literally experience for you! They each affect stats in different ways because of what you learned from that moment. Maybe bad experiences give you combat abilities and good ones help with your daily life skills and development of personality? And its possible to crack or even shatter a memory, if new experiences end up clashing with it. Usually its just 'oh i learned the more advanced version of this skill through better understanding of why humans do it', but also traumatic memories damaging good ones, and good ones helping ease traumatic ones. And maybe you could solve puzzles and make friendships through using these memory items? Youre faced with a challenge and have to make the connections in your mind to figure out which past experience is relevant here. And becoming more talented at something would help narrow down the choices you get given? And being unskilled would do screwy stuff with the interface like putting the correct option far away near the bottom or mixing up the names and icons of each memory. (Dunno how i'd program that though!)

* Maybe character customization similar to Medabots? The games were so cool and ahead of their time, you get to collect hundreds of different robot base frames and then mix and match the parts to make your own cool aesthetic! Shame it was only used for fighting though, that could be cool in a more social game too! Like go out wearing different fashions to help befriend different people, but its more fun cos its ROBOT FASHIONS! 'hey grandma do u think fred will like this arm or this arm?' She fusses over you all excitedly cos you showing an interest in fashion is a good sign of developing free will! Though you still get stuck in logic loops of 'you should wear what you like best, honey' 'HUMAN OPINION IS OF HIGHER PRIORITY' ...god i think i just made this character so i can ramble Relateable Social Anxiety Moments BUT ROBOTS

* possible ideas for Memory Events you can find around town! Meeting a cute neighbour cat- a fascinating creature you were not programmed to deal with, as you're a hospital android who isnt even meant to leave one single room for your whole life. You get absolutely entranced by the confusing small carpet with legs, and spend all morning interrogating it on why it wishes to rub its face on you. Why is your motor overheating, tiny carpet? Human master, how do you troubleshoot this noise?

* Another idea! You get 'mission: count the steps on the stairs to town' popping out of nowhere, and at first you ignore it because this is an illogical directive that does not come from a human. But it keeps happening every time you go here!! You try finding new ways to get to town crossing through fields or forests or walking directly into the path of a horsedrawn carriage, but ALAS it seems the only efficient path is those curious curious steps! Only then do you finally realise the mystery command is coming from yourself! You're not used to this strange concept of just..wanting to do something, all by yourself. You talk to your human and she says that's 'natural curiosity', 'personality', 'free will'...things that seem impossible to understand. You ask her to take you back to the shop to get this fault fixed, but she says its good and you should try acting on it. But it'll serve no purpose!! BUT AAARGH I HAVE TO KEEP SEEING THOSE STEPS EVERYDAY!! Eventually you do count them and you find it makes you satisfied for no logical reason. And that was the end of that small crisis, but you'll forever be confused by the whole thing! The next week you're like "what if i organized all the blue things with the blue things" and youre intensely frustrated at yourself. Human grandma says this is a "taste for fashion" but you remind her that you do not have a tongue. (And then she gets you the robo parts catalog and you unlock customization. Yay!)

* Possible idea for a sad subplot! A new human visits the village and he seems very strange, sometimes seeming kind and other times being angry and standoffish. You think its a simple 'jerk with a heart of gold' story but the truth is a lot stranger! It turns out this stranger is actually an important bishop in disguise, and he has multiple androids acting as body doubles to protect him while he's on the road. Theyre supposed to just be empty husks who only know how to imitate, but they clearly have their own personalities! You're tasked with finding all these runaway androids and returning them to their master for a reward, leading to a goofy lil game of hide and seek with twelve of the same guy. But it starts to get a bit sad because they're all convinced theyre the real one, and whenever they stumble into holes in their memory they freak out. When they all see each other gathered together its an absolute despair explosion and theyre forced to face the truth. And you can help them bond together as brothers and develop their own individual identities, even helping them pick out their own new faces from your set of fashion roboparts. Sadly you cant keep them here for long because itd obviously be suspicious to have exactly twelve new people move into the town right when twelve bots went missing. So you get help from one of grandma's friends to send them off in a stagecoach to another town where they can find employment and start their own life disguised as humans. The asshole bishop obviously doesnt react well to his androids vanishing into the night, but he never thinks of blaming you because after all you're only an android and you could never choose to help others out of all that free will you dont have. He just berates you for being so incompetant as to fail his quest to find them, and you get your reward taken back. Oh no~ i am~ very ashamed~ i will go tell my human that my ocular circuits require recalibrating~ (internally: HAHA YEH FUCK U OLD MAN) Grandma is super proud of you!

And thats all i got so far

[dylanobrienisbatman]

I saw you were a nickjune shipper, so i thought i'd ask you the question/questions going around!! 1.) What’s your favorite Nick & June scene? 2.) Which scene between them did you find most heartbreaking? 3.) Other than Nick or June, who is your favorite character on the show?

This has been sitting in my ask box for ages, but im finally ready to answer it!! (mostly because i kept kind of forgetting, sorry anon lol) 

1 - Favourite Nick June Scene 

There are so many scene between them that i LOVED, but i think I have a couple favourites that I can’t pick between. 

The scene in season 1 where she actually tells Nick her name is one of my favourites of the whole series, not just between them. I think its such a meaningful moment for her to just be breaking down and so angry at the whole world and Nick is trying to be there for her and he calls her offred and she just cant take it anymore and angrily tells him not too, but what else could he call her? He has no idea what her real name is, but he can’t just call her nothing? It’s so heartbreakingly real between them in that moment. And then when he learns her real name, and he doesn’t just call her by her name, but he says ‘nice to meet you, June’. Because this is the moment when he truly meets the real her? AMAZING. (Gif by @skyshipper)

The second scene is the scene in the season 2 finale, when June is getting pushed to escape by Rita. She has little Holly/Nicole in her arms, and she’s got a chance to get out, but she just stops, and sees Nick out of the window, and almost waits for him. Like she loves him, so so much. They have a child together, a family. She knows she has to get out. She knows she needs to save herself and her child from this horrible world they’re trapped in. But she needs to know that it’s okay for her to get out without him. She needs to know that taking their child away is okay. That maybe never ever seeing him again is okay. And then he just looks at her, and you can see the love he has. He loves her SO very much. And he just… nods. Because he knows that she is worried that leaving him, about taking his daughter from him, not because she needs his permission but because she loves him and doesn’t want to be without him. It’s so beautiful and moving and my heart just broke. (Gif by @pegsccarter) 

Them holding their baby together. Augh. The saddesst, most beautiful, loveliest moment on the whole show. Just standing there together, Nick finally really getting to meet his daughter, June finally telling him she loved him? My whole world was a mess during that scene. I was sobbing. Nick just softly talking to his little girl, June telling little Holly that this is her father. Not Fred, the horrible man who had taken her from her real parents, but Nick. This kind, good hearted soul, who protected June, and loved June, who tried to help June get free, this man is Hollys real father. They got to be a family, for just a brief little warm moment, in a small little bubble, and it was so beautiful.

The scene where Nick finds June in the rain. Seems like a weird choice, but it’s such a powerful moment for them. She has resigned herself to letting their baby die, letting herself die. She is outside, in the cold, she’s been bleeding for days, and somehow, the universe lets Nick find her. Nick saves her, and in doing so saves their child. Their child who was strong enough even then to survive this, when most babies would have been long lost to it. Nick finds his little family, broken and almost doomed, and saves them, and in doing so he gives June the strength to keep fighting. So sad, but also such a strong moment between them. (Gif by @pegsccarter)

2 - The most heartbreaking scene (Again i couldn’t pick just one haha) [Also, why are half of the heartbreaking moments between them also the happiest ones? Gosh this show is distressing and beautiful]

The most heartbreaking scene between them, for me, was probably the scene where she just broke down outside after Hannah left, and he just held her. I feel like its a pretty obvious one, but gosh watching her loose Hannah again, and then knowing that Nick is the only person in the whole world who is there for her anymore. Her fellow handmaids are there, but they can’t protect her. They can’t do anything more than she can. Rita is there for her, but she can only do so much. But Nick, Nick loves her, and she loves him, and he holds her while she goes through the worst loss of her life for the second time. It’s devastating and such a strong moment between them.

Another for me was when Nick told her about seeing Luke. It’s such a happy moment for June, and such a devastating moment for Nick, and that moment for me really proved to me that Nick was the perfect man for June. He didn’t have to tell her that Luke said he loved her. He could have said nothing. He could have only told her about Moira, or just about the letters, but he told her about Luke. He told her about the husband she lost, who she knew was alive, but probably always wondered how true it was. She hadn’t heard it from anyone who she really knew she could trust, and now she knows. And then he told her he loved her, and in that moment he gave her so much hope, on so many different levels. Hope for her own escape, hope to find her family again, and the hope that comes with finding love in such darkness and loss. 

This scene was really beautiful but also just super sad for me because it was such a moment of like, hope mingled with clear understanding that its so unattainable. The two of them, talking about the future they want to have with their baby, on a beach, naming her what they wanted, holding her close and raising her to be the person they hoped she would be. It’s a fantasy, which they know is so unreachable, and its such a soft and warm happy moment between them but its just… laced with so much sadness. Augh. 

The scene where Nick finds out June is pregnant is also so very sad. This moment between them should be so happy, especially in a world where having children is so rare. They aren’t quite ‘in love’ yet, but they are well on their way, especially Nick I think, but this moment between them is so ripe with just agony. They will probably never get to know their child. They wont get to raise their baby. They wont get to name their child, or hold them, or be their parent. Nick might get to spend his life watching her grow up, but June will be sent away to another family, and their baby will never get to know her, and even if the baby does know Nick, he will always just be their driver. He will just be… the guardian in their home. He wont get to be their father, and June wont get to be their mother. Its so devastating, and yet so full of joy somehow. In that moment, surrounded by the most horrible things in the world, they get one small moment where they get to just live, for a moment, in this warm little moment where they realise they made a life together. 

3 - Favourite Character other than Nick/June 

Again i feel like I should do a top (#) because its so hard to pick. 

I love Rita. I didn’t really feel a lot for her in the early bits of the first season, because she wasn’t really given a lot to do, but as time went on, her righteous indignation at everything in her life in Gilead was just brilliant. She had so many amazing moments all through and I love her a lot. Her moments with June after Eden’s death were devastating. Her guilt at how she treated this girl, when she had no real reason to feel that way. They were all trapped in this horrible place, no one could ever blame her for being unwilling to try and be warm with Eden, but that moment of just pure human grief and guilt was so sad. And then all of her many moments with June and Nick, gosh i love Rita. She just wanted to keep June and Holly safe at any cost. She’s such a badass. 

MOIRA. Gosh Moira. Resigned to the life as a handmaid, forced to be grateful for her status, like Emily, because she’s a gender traitor and should be glad she didn’t die? And then forced to work as a prostitute for the vile men of Gilead, who subjugate women and created this religious community and then violate all of the tenements of their world because they have the privilege, the wealth and the power and the gender to do so. She gets out. She gets free. And shes so close to giving up. She so close to just resigning herself to this life of loss and sadness, but then she gets to help. She gets to stand up to her abusers. She gets to be with Luke, who is the closest thing she has to family. Moira got away from the horrors of Gilead, and is going to get to help bring it down from the outside. Gosh I love Moira.

Emily is one of my favourite characters, especially into season 2 when we learned more about her backstory. She has such a strong soul, and so much ANGER inside her. I have such a huge place in my heart where I hold angry women, and Emily just fell right into that spot. She became a handmaid, and she was meant to be be grateful? Because as a lesbian she was lucky they didn’t kill her? She was meant to be grateful that her status as a fertile woman saved her life, separated her from her wife and son, and resigned her to a life of being raped and used as a broodmare? Instead she fought back. She killed people for her right to be a human being. She refused to go quietly to her doom. She stabbed Lydia in the back because her life was worth more. And now she gets to be free. 

Alma. I wish we had more like, character building for her, but I really love her. Anytime she shows up I’m just thrilled to see her. She’s so strong, so beautifully resilient. She has been with June since the beginning of Gilead, and I’m so glad she still gets to be around and be a part of this resistance. I love love love Alma. I hope she gets out, I hope she gets free. She deserves more than this life. They all do. 

[serensama]

I'm really in love with the prompt of MC being in highschool (because I'm in highschool ) so I wanted you to do a post how the RFA + v and saeran react to MC being in highschool her dad was a rock star and her mom is a model but left home because they were abusive and my can't see her twin brother and sister and her other siblings and mc is an upcoming rock star and actress.... I know this is a lot but thank you 💖

Alright so before you all read this I had spoken to the lovely @micaela-turtle-02 and confirmed that I could break up the prompt as I did because this was just a little too much for each person to deal with and I couldn’t do the prompt any justice. So under the cut are short HC’s for each RFA member and how they help this high schooler to cope! My apologies for making you wait so long my dear, it’s been a crazy ride so far! TRIGGER WARNING: includes mention of abuse, suicidal thoughts, neglectful parents, homelessness.  

Yoosung:Coping with famous parents

-      TellsMC to come over to his house so she can hang out with his family and not bealone.

-      Hismother could ‘mother’ enough for more than 10 families.

-      Shedoesn’t accept his offer for a very long time, she’s embarrassed and doesn’twant to be a burden.

-      Shedoesn’t want to seem like a charity case.

-      Butwhen she does… she hates that it took her so long to do so. It was the familyshe had always dreamed of, parents who were there, siblings who looked up totheir parents instead of the eldest child. A proper family unit.

-      Whenher parents came back after a trip to an empty house, they wonder where theirchildren are. When they continue to disappear after school they ask after them…and they are furious. They find out where they’ve been going and they’re incensedthat they’ve let their private lives be known to other people who could selltheir story. What would the media do to all of them?

-      MrsKim heard the root of their concerns and was on the war path. Screaming andyelling at the famous people who had so rudely barged into her home.

-      Yoosunghugged MC whilst entertaining her siblings to keep them from hearing theirparents fighting. If all of this trouble resulted in MC being able to smile, itwould have all been worth it.

Zen: Copingwith leaving home

-      Henoticed that she became more withdrawn, that she’s losing weight and is somehowalways the first at school and always had an excuse to stay behind.

-      Soone day, he stays back too.

-      Zensaw that she helped the lunch lady and in turn, was allowed to eat the scrapsof food.

-      Afterthat she ran to the library and studied and when it finally closed she ran tothe locker rooms. She took the towels and lay them out on top of the benchesand went to sleep on them.

-      Shewas living at school, she was homeless.

-      Heknew that she must have been having showers and washing her clothes at the sametime so no one would realise that she needed help. So no one would notice.

-      Buthe did.

-      Thenext day he offered her lunch and they talked; he quickly finds out that she iskind and funny and is genuinely asking if she would like to stay at his house-and not just out of pity. He once had a family at home, it’s sometimes tooquiet just on his own.

-      Afterthree days of staying at his house (each day with Zen finding an excuse for herto stay) she finally asks how long he had known she was homeless and he justsmiles and shares his dinner with her before replying,

“What are you talking about, MC? You’re home.”

Jaehee:Coping with burgeoning fame

-      Shecouldn’t believe that she was going to school with this girl! A pop star and amodel?!

-      …but… she was always so quiet and all alone…

-      Everyonewas too nervous and star struck to talk to her! Besides what would they have incommon to talk about?

-      Untilone day Jaehee saw MC look longingly at a group of friends just talking andeating together.

-      She’slonely.

-      Itmust be lonely all by yourself day in and day out, with only people fawningover you but never wanting to know the real you.

-      Whenshe finally talked to MC, the star was so happy- she beamed from ear to ear!

-      Shewas all too quick to reveal that she hated the whole fame thing, to besurrounded by people but to have no one able to see her or listen to her…

-      “Well,I can see you, I hear you! You’re not alone, not now.”

Jumin:Coping with High School

-      Shewas at the top of their class…

-      Butshe was slipping.

-      MChad removed herself from club activities and stopped saying yes to socialisingwith her friends… As Class President, it was his job to be concerned over hisfellow students. Even without the Principal muttering to him about it incessantly.

-      Throughhis advanced investigative skills (ie he followed her), he finds her alone inone of the private study rooms.

-      “MC…what is happening with you?”“What do you mean?“Your studies…”“Oh, that.”

-      Hedidn’t expect her to be so forthright, then again she didn’t expect him tocare. She tells him the truth, that she’s just burnt out, that she just didn’tcare anymore.

-      Andsurprisingly, he understands.

-      Heworks himself to the bone to please his father, foregoing any of his dreams tocontinue on with the family business (she nodded along to his words, herparents want her to succeed in business and not “show business” as she had soonce desperately dreamed).

-      Juminresigned himself into helping her continue doing what it was she loved butstill balance and excel in all that was expected of her. They can’t sayanything about her lead role in the play distracting her from her studies whenshe has the highest grades in school.

-      Wheneverhe would start to see her falter or stress too much- he sits her down andbreathes with her, and they spend the period or sometimes the whole day together,just breathing.

Saeyoung:Coping with not seeing their siblings

-      MCwas crying in class again- she thinks she’s so quiet and her breathing so eventhat no one could ever tell, but he can. He can practically taste the salt ofher tears.

-      Sherefused to pay attention in class and continues to look wistfully into herphone.

-      Itis only by chance that he sees that she’s staring at a photo on her screen, itlooked like her with her younger siblings.

-      Afterclass, he hung back and simply said that the twins were cute when everyone elsewas out of earshot.

-      MClooked at him and burst out crying.

-      Saeyoungpanicked thinking he had broken the girl, gingerly comforting her as best as hecould. Through her sobs, he managed to piece together that she had successfullygotten herself emancipated but her parents refused to let her visit hersiblings.

-      Thethought made him irrationally angry- the idea of anyone keeping Saeran awayfrom him… he wouldn’t know what he would do in her situation. Nodding tohimself he told her to sit tight and to keep her head down- he’d think ofsomething to help her.

-      Twoweeks later both children are put into their Aunt’s custody, who was horrifiedand appalled know of the dire situation at home and petitioned with the courtsto have them all live with her.

-      Saeyoungnever wanted it to be found out that it was him who sent disturbing evidence toher Aunt and child services.

-      Oncethe dust settled she invited him to lunch so he could meet them all.

-      Hesat with her as they watch over her younger brother and sister she pounced onhim and wrapped her arms around him. Whether he liked it or not, she knew itwas him- and she was grateful.

Saeran:Coping with abusive parents

-      Itwasn’t hard to see the cuts and bruises.

-      Notwhen he was so used to covering them up himself.

-      Atfirst, he had wanted to believe that she was just a klutz… until he had seenher father pick her up from school. The iron clad grip he had on her wrist wasenough to leave indentations to her bones- so it was no surprise that on thenext day she wore long sleeves; but not long enough to hide the new purple and yellowbruises on her wrist.

-      Heasked her to follow him and she did, not seeing the harm into following him.

-      Saerantook off his shirt and of course MC freaked the hell out.

-      “Thisone,” he said pointing to one scar, “was from my mother- she was angry that I atea cookie before dinner you see. This one was from my father, because I was tooscared to look at him in the eye.”

-      Shetouched his scars and showed him her own, both crying bitterly at their jointpain.

-      Heasked her to stay with him, his own deadbeat parents long gone from thepicture, it was just him and his brother now.

-      Sheagreed, what else did she have to lose at this point?

-      Ofcourse, it wasn’t long before her father found her. He asked around and soonfound out she was boarding with two brothers- the slut, he called out to her in front the Saeran’s house. Come out, get your ass home, stop whoringyourself out to two boys to keep a roof over your damn head!

-      WhilstSaeyoung kept MC calm, Saeran kept her father’s mouth shut. With his fist. Lodgedin his face.

-      Herfather tried their best to charge the teen with assault and battery only to becountered with MC’s confession that Saeran was only protecting her from beingabused- again.

-      Thecharges were quickly dropped against Saeran, but he refused to allow MC to dropher case against her father.

-      “Idon’t care if they send me to jail MC- I’m not above getting the boys in thecell block to teach an abusive father a lesson. Don’t give up the fight, notyet. Because I’m still fighting for you, so you keep fighting too, okay?”

 V: Copingwith not coping with anything

-      Hewas taking random pictures, as he was wont to do, and he took one of MC justsitting on her own in the corner of the yard- she just looked so sad.

-      Hecouldn’t help it, he couldn’t stop taking pictures of the sad girl. Couldn’tstop observing her.

-      Shedidn’t seem quite…. There. Her mind often wandered and she spent a lot of timedazing off or looking listlessly out of the window during class.

-      Thenone day as he returned to the classroom because he forgot something, he saw heremptying her locker… and then filling it back up… only to empty it back intoher bag.

-      Shewas shaking. Crying. Absolutely lost.

-      Hecould no longer watch any longer.

-      Hewalked over to her and helped her pack her belongings back into her locker andlead her to a nearby park.  

-      Andthey sat there. For what felt like hours… couldhave been hours… in silence.

-      Asthe sun began to set she simply whispered, “I wanted to die. School’s too hard.My family… my family hate me and I’m just… useless. My friends don’t noticeanything. Don’t care. Don’t see. I’m just… are they even my friends? I… I justwanted to die.”

-      Shelooked up to see V’s shock and what she thinks is pity in his eyes. “You don’t have to pity me-”“It’s not pity,” he interrupts, a kind but apprehensive smile on his face. “It’sconcern. It’s worry.”

“You don’t even know me-”“Now I do-”“You don’t care-”“I do.” “No one would even really notice. No one did!”“… I did.”

-      Heheld her until she stopped crying- she didn’t even know when she had begun, buthe stayed with her until the tears ran dry.

-      Heaccompanied her to the doctor and to the counsellor she was referred to.

-      Shenever missed an appointment- and neither did he. He’d always be waiting for herwhen she finished.

-      Vtook pictures of her everyday as a montage of her recovery. There was onephoto, where she’s finally smiling, her first real smile in… forever… and shehas that up in her locker. Still full of her belongings and ready to keepfighting.

-      However,he doesn’t know that she’s taken a photo of him too. She keeps it under herbooks, right at the bottom- so if she ever gets that bad again- the last thingshe’ll see is his smiling face and remember, that she’s not alone.

-      “Thankyou, for seeing me.”          “Ahh MC, you shine so brightly- I couldn’t look away.”

[heartslogos]

seas who could sing so deep and strong [26]

“Kore, please,” Judge groans jogging to keep up with Kore as she explores the room full of goods, “We can’t keep doing this.”

Kore jabs her finger at a merchant stall and says, “New. Experimental. Prototype. Now.”

“Kore, you can’t just keep buying experimental weapons and gadgets,” Judge says, trying to usher her past the weapons display. He doesn’t know why he always asks her to come to these things with him. It’s always a disaster and frankly he should know better by now.

The merchant, despite not being able to hear Kore’s enthusiasm is long familiar with this routine. Kore will rush up to whatever she thinks is interesting, the merchant will list the specs and the price, Judge will attempt to get Kore to not get the thing. Kore will ignore him and get the thing.

It’s not as though Kore can’t afford to get the thing. It’s not that Kore isn’t experienced enough with weapons that she can’t get the thing. It’s not even that Kore stockpiles the many, many things and never uses them. Oh, she uses them.

She uses them a lot. She uses them, he’d say, very well. In fact, Judge would go so far as to say that Kore uses them in ways they shouldn’t even be used, beyond their potential and their purpose in creative and dangerous ways.

Judge will inevitably fail to get Kore to not buy the new prototype weapon. In fact, not only will Kore buy this weapon, but she will immediately go off on a solo mission somewhere and start experimenting with its capabilities. Judge will not know the results until days, possibly weeks later.

Entire planetary rotations later, sometimes.

The weapons dealer begins talking, handing Kore a model as she lifts it and turns it, testing the weight and the feel of it in her hands. Even if she doesn’t like it, she’ll get it.

Because - what is the meaning of weight and feel in your hands when you can change your hands? Granted, overall, you get a feeling for what you do and don’t like to use. But Judge knows that a Fragor in Rhino’s hands is infinitely more preferable to using the exact same spec’d Fragor in a Mag’s, and a Skana is much more deadly and versatile in an Excalibur’s than in a Wu Kong’s.

It’s a rare occasion where Kore is not in her Saryn or her Ember or even her Titania, she’s in her Excalibur frame and she’s holding a very small but deadly looking pair of pistols.

He has no doubt that he’s going to be seeing them in the near future on Saryn or Titania’s hip.

Judge resigns himself to this.

And then a loud sound rings out through the warehouse and every head turns to see that Darvo  and Clem are dragging themselves in along with huge crates of cargo. They look haggard and beat up. Like they’ve been chased or recently escaped some Grineer or Corpus fliers.

Kore does not really like Darvo or Clem.

But she does appreciate their deals and their ability to sneak in contraband.

She puts down the pistols, raises one finger at the merchant and gestures for him to hold what he was saying, wait, and she runs. Judge feels her go in a rush of wind and energy as she dashes and then bullet jumps into the air, aiming for a dive straight at Darvo.

She’s not the only one either. At least two dozen tenno bullet jump, leap, spiral, glide, and dash across the warehouse towards Darvo before he can even set up.

Judge throws Mesa’s hands into the air.

“Kore! Please! We really can’t keep doing this! You’ll run out of room in your arsenal storage, and I’m not letting you use mine.”

“New. Weapons. Now.” Kore replies and cuts their channel, apparently annoyed with Judge trying to be the moderate one.

-

“You have a problem,” Kore says as she wades her way through junk. “I can’t believe your cephalon hasn’t just thrown all this into space.”

“That’s space pollution and illegal.”

“Tell that to literally everyone else in existence,” Kore says, nudging some noggles shaped like little Nova’s aside with her foot. “I hope Ugly chokes on something.”

As she says this, she sees a flash of fluorescent colors and she turns to see Ugly attempting to fight seven Oberon noggle toys at once. Ugly has one in its jaws, and is wildly clawing at two more, and - as if they were actually attacking - downed on the ground with four more on top of it.

“I dont know how you continue to exist,” Kore tells the Kavat, “Persistence and spite will only get you so far without skill and some amount of foresight.”

The Kavat yowls like it’s dying and rolls into another pile of noggle statues, writhing on the Orbiter floor and trying to destroy them with a complete lack of understanding of its situation.

Kore looks around for Judge’s sentinels, glancing up and recoiling in horror when she finds even his ceiling is coated in bobbing noggle statues.

“Void, aren’t you claustraphobic?” Kore asks, kicking aside more noggles and making space to walk.

She jumps a little when one of the piles of statues starts moving. It’s only Midas. The puppy wiggles his way to the surface of the pile, stubby forelegs held out as he barks for help.

Kore quickly goes over and picks him up, holding him to her chest. Midas barks wildly at the noggles around them, snuggling into her arms.

“Judge, where are you?”

“I’m trapped,” Judge says and Kore looks up towards the raised bridge to the main observation deck. “It won’t open. I went to bring some noggles up here but then the bridge closed and now it wont open again. Scylla isn’t answering me.”

“Tenno Kore,” Scylla says, the interior of the ship brightening some, but not much considering there’s noggles everywhere blocking all forms of light, “Please convince Scylla’s Operator to cease and desist at once.”

“Look at what you’ve done, Judge,” Kore says, “You’ve gone so far your own ship is staging a revolt.”

“Operator, Scylla cannot keep up with the amount of noggles being brought on board! They are interfering with Orbiter functions!” Scylla exclaims, “Scylla appreciates the Operator’s sense of aesthetics, but Scylla cannot keep up.”

Scylla’s voice pauses, and then stutters, a little less frazzled sounding and more contrite, “Scylla apologizes for not being capable of keeping up, Operator. Scylla is trying but it is very hard. Scylla cannot even sense bio-rhythms on board with sensors blocked. Operator, please do not be upset with Scylla. Scylla knows she is a flawed cephalon…”

“Now you’re going to make your Cephalon cry,” Kore says, kicking noggle statues into piles so she can put Midas down, “Judge you’re out of control.”

“I can’t help it!” Judge says, “There’s a new series that just got released! It’s pointless if I don’t get them all.”

“But how many of them do you need?” Kore asks. “Judge I see at least ten of the exact same Oberon noggle, and I’m only looking at one corner.”

“What if they become collectible?”

“What if you die from asphyxiation because your noggles blocked all the vents?”

“Can I at least come down so we can talk?” Judge asks.

“Ask your Cephalon, I’m not in charge of this,” Kore says, “You and your Cephalon work it out. I’m taking Midas back to my ship. Where’s Chainsaw?”

Summoned by her name, Kore feels a large bulk push against her back. She turns and sees Chainsaw cowering at her back, the massive Charger hunched down and whining.

“You giant baby,” Kore sighs, petting Chainsaw’s head. “Alright, I’m taking Chainsaw and Midas. Your Kavat is a lost cause and be buried alive here with you. Hail me when this is sorted.”

Kore pauses and stoops down to grab a Saryn noggle, “I’m taking one though. You have like, twenty of these.”