#if no one else apparently cares enough to pick them up then why should i

[ruvviks]

i think one of the best things to teach yourself when you have very bad anxiety is how to say "this is not my problem anymore"

[madamtrashbat]

When I was ten, we lived on a rice farm with a lot of big buildings in the middle of nowhere. One of the shitty employees of the rice farm decided that, because we had barn cats on the premises, it was perfectly fine to dump a litter of very small kittens into one of the barns.

(I hate her I hate her I hate her)

The kittens were not old enough to be on their own, and despite one of the barn cats looking after them, the majority of them did not make it. All except for one, a little tuxedo that let my dad pick it up.

He brought it into the house, and I decided I was going to nurse it back to health. He was mostly black with a white chin, little white toes, and a white belly. He was so small. I fell in love with him.

I named him Pookie.

He would curl up in the crook of my neck and sleep on my shoulder, where it was warm. He was eating the cat food I mushed up with water, and for three days I thought he might make it.

Then, inexplicably, our dog Fancy, a heeler/shepherd mix, attacked him in the laundry room. She had never done anything like that before and never did anything like that afterwards. I never knew why she did what she did.

I begged my parents to take him to the vet. Please, see if there's anything we can do. I want to save him so badly.

But we had very little money at the time, and my mom couldn't justify an enormous vet bill for a cat we'd had for less than a week that there was surely nothing to do for.

I put him in his basket that night with food and water and many blankets. He had no external injuries besides a nosebleed, so I hoped it wasn't as bad as it seemed.

He didn't see the morning. My dad buried him in the flowerbed without much ado.

I cried for two days into the arms of an unsympathetic mother who didn't understand why I felt so strongly over a cat we'd had for three days, bombarded with criticism from a judgmental sister who severely disliked cats. My dad did his best to try and comfort me, but he's not the best with emotions and didn't know what to say.

It has stuck with me for 20 years. I wonder, from time to time, if I did enough. If I'd kept him in my room instead of the laundry room, if I'd looked up how to care for him, if I'd kept closer watch on him and kept the dog away from him, would he have lived. Would he still have been my cat. Would he have known a life of love and warm fireplaces and full bellies and cuddling into my shoulders until he was too big to fit.

I'll never know.

I told Sawyer about this recently, in a moment of emotional upheaval where I was just spewing out a list of things that had happened in my past that I'd never really gotten over. The conviction of my sadness apparently struck a deep chord with Sawyer, who decided to make me a memorial for Pookie to keep his memory close.

No one else had taken my emotions regarding Pookie seriously. Not until now. And not only did Sawyer take it seriously, the emotional vomit of an adult woman still crying over a cat she had for three days in fifth grade, but Sawyer thought it important enough that it should never be forgotten.

It's nice, sometimes, to know the person you've chosen to go through life with is the best person in the world for you.

[fieldsofwriting]

You don’t have to do it alone.

Summary: Based off this request. The farmer doesn’t know the meaning of a break- and everyone else in town starts to see that they need a break.

Warnings: General depictions of exhaustion and slight injuries

When you answered the call for a Farmer in Mistria, you didn’t think it be like this. You were constantly busy, running around the water your crops, clear your farm, help repair a bridge, general store, mill, streets, and more. But everyone here, they were so kind. They were so nice. You couldn’t help it, you had to help. You had to do it. Even if you didn’t want too.

And that’s how you ended up with Ryis today. He needed help fixing up some of the fencing around Mistria, so hammer in hand you two were cranking it out. But you couldn’t help but slow as more time wore on, the ache in your muscles starting to become more and more apparent. The sun beating down on your back, you could feel it just sucking the life out of you. And by the time you noticed the trajectory of the hammer- it was too late to move your hand. The tool slammed into your hand with a mighty wack- your might wack.

“Shit! Y/N, are you okay?” Ryis calls, rushing forward and kneeling down to take your hand and look it over. “It’s gonna been to be iced. But the swelling shouldn’t be too bad.” He smiles up at you gratefully.

You give him a weak smile back, trying to ignore the throbbing. “Ah, it should be fine. I’ll have Valen check it out later. Let’s finish these fences.” You nod at him. Ryis frowns, watching as you pick up the hammer again. He wants to protest, it looked pretty nasty…but if you’re fine…?

He sighs, but kept a watchful eye on you. Making sure there was no other mishaps. And as you were walking home, Reina saw you.

“Y/N!” She calls, rushing over. “Hey! I was wondering if you have any veggies for a soup I wanna try making!” She asks, ever so cheerie.

“Uh, yeah. I think so.” You nod, giving her a smile.

“Sweet! You wanna help me make it?” She asks, linking her arm through yours. Walking down to your farm with you.

In truth. No. No you did not. But here she was looking at you with those big ole eyes, and sweet smile. You couldn’t say no to her! Even if you just wanted to melt into bed. “Sure thing.” You say.

And so, you got her the crops she needed. And she chopped. You stirred the pot, that was until you put your hand down- hissing in pain as you looked at the opposite hand from what you just smashed with a hammer.

“Oh!” Reina gasps, quickly setting down her knife before taking you to the sink and rinising your hand under cold water. “Are you alright? Do you need Valen?”

You shake your head, “No, no. I’ll be okay.” You brush off her concern. “Just scared me more than anything.” You give her a smile to help ease the worries. Reina frowns, she wanted to make sure you were okay… but if you said you were fine…

And so, after leaving the Inn after some delicious soup, you headed up to the forge. You needed to fix a chip in your axe- as annoying as it was. You had already worked yourself to the bone, why not a little more?

As you approached the forge, March took you in. You looked wrecked, exhausting and he can see where you have a bandage on your hand from the burn, one of your fingernails starting to bruise. “No.” He says quickly, grabbing your axe.

“What- March stop I need to fix it!” You protest trying to grab it back from him.

“No, you need to go home and take a fucking nap. You look exhausted and the others might be dumb enough to ignore it but if you go near molten metal there is no way you’d walk out of here with your stupid cherrie smile.” He snaps at you, looking at the axe and frowning. “A chip this small isn’t worth your life.”

You blink. Was March- did he actually care? But before you can continue to protest, he looks behind him. “Yo, Ryis! Take Y/N home and do not let them leave.” He says shoving you toward him.

Ryis awkwardly catches your shoulders, frowning at March’s roughness. “You okay?”

And finally, you let out a defeated sigh. Leaning into Ryis, “I need a nap.”

Ryis chuckles, patting your back. “Okay, come on.” He says gently, helping you back home. The whole time he was surprisingly gentle. “Feel better in the morning yeah?”

You give him a sleepy smile. “Yeah.”

A/N: I’m so sorry this took me so long!! I kept trying to get it done but then I started working on an animation and i forgot 😔 but I hope you enjoyed!!

[drabbles-mc]

You Have Friends?

Richie Jerimovich x F!Reader Richie Jerimovich & Carmy Berzatto & Neil Fak

For @the-slumberparty's Bingo Challenge! Bingo Square: friends with benefits

Warnings: 18+, language, canon-typical chaos

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: I love them. I love them all so much. I can and would kill a man for Neil Fak.

The Bear Taglist: @garbinge @withmyteeth @justreblogginfics @narcolini (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

You had your phone out, ready to call or text him to come and meet you outside. You weren’t expecting the door to be unlocked, but it pulled open with no resistance. Your eyebrows lifted, and for a moment you still contemplated just calling him anyway. But then you heard the crashing sounds, the subsequent yelling after the fact, and you knew that even if you called him repeatedly he wasn’t going to pick up the phone. Especially not when he was one of the people doing the yelling.

Taking a deep breath, you stepped inside and let the door fall shut behind you. The metallic clanging of the door hitting the frame was a sound you were certain no one else heard other than you. You took careful steps through the restaurant, or what used to be a restaurant, what was going to be a restaurant again in a couple months, apparently. There was debris everywhere, and the deeper you walked, the more the yelling made sense. Although, knowing Richie, yelling would happen even when it didn’t make sense. Italian aesthetic for the least Italian man you know.

Passing by a tarp, the one spray painted by someone who was clearly angry when they got the can of paint in their hand, you finally landed yourself where everyone was gathered. Carmy and Richie were chest-to-chest, or their approximation of that as Richie towered over him. Fak was on standby, and based off of what Richie had told you, you were certain that Fak was ready to jump in on Carmy’s behalf and not Richie’s.

There were a few other people there too. You recognized Natalie, worry and frustration all over her face as she watched Carmy and Richie yell and duke it out with each other. Your eyes widened as you took in the entire scene playing out in front of you. It clicked for you why Richie never told you to stop by.

Finally, she snapped. “Will you two shut the fuck up, please?! This isn’t solving anything!”

Richie shook his head, stepping back from Carmy only to aggressively gesture at him instead. “Nothing this dickhead is doing is solving anything! That’s the whole fuckin’—”

“I’m sorry,” Carmy interrupted Richie’s tirade, no longer looking at the man who had just been about to throw him through the crumbling sheetrock walls around them, “um who, who are you?”

Your eyes widened further not just at the fact that he was looking at you, talking to you, but at the drastic shift in his voice. He was quiet now, tone almost gentle, but clearly very confused. You cleared your throat, the nerves you’d felt standing in front of the restaurant were back in full-swing now that the yelling had stopped.

“Hi, sorry. I just—” you stopped short and held up the leather jacket in your hand as your only explanation.

Richie’s originally surprised expression had shifted to confusion. But once he saw the jacket in your hand, it changed into something else entirely. Almost soft. As soft as he would allow himself to be in the middle of the warzone.

“Shit,” his shoulders dropped and he stepped away from Carmy. “Thank you. Completely fuckin’,” he didn’t finish the sentence throwing out a vague hand gesture instead.

You chuckled quietly, still feeling awkward in the midst of it all but not quite as much now. Richie was, strangely enough, your tether in the midst of whatever storm you’d stumbled into. “I know.”

You handed it over to him, looking around at everyone who was looking at you. Maybe you should introduce yourself to the room. You knew most of them, or knew of them at least. Richie talked about them enough to make you feel like you knew them—you saw the pictures in his apartment, on his phone. Judging by the various looks of shock and confusion on everyone else’s faces, he was not as talkative about you as he was about all of them. That was about what you expected. You waited to see if Richie was gonna introduce you instead of making you do it, but he looked just about as lost as anyone else.

Clearing his throat, he nodded back the way you’d come in. “I’ll walk you out.”

You nodded, looking around at everyone. “It’s was nice to…you know…” you waved awkwardly. “Bye.”

The variety of goodbye’s that you got from everyone in the room was humorous. Or it was to you, at least. Judging by the look on Richie’s face you had the feeling that he was never going to be hearing the end of everything that just transpired over the last sixty seconds. You knew that whatever that was wasn’t their best behavior, but it was the best they could conjure up given your unexpected arrival and the fact that they had no idea who the fuck you were. It was a little impressive, honestly, especially if any of them were anything like Richie.

“I was gonna call,” you said as you and Richie made your way back through the minefield, trying to take all the same steps you had on the way in but in reverse lest you cause something else to collapse, “but then the door was open so I sorta just let myself in.”

He shook his head. “It’s fine. You’re fine.” He paused as he reached to open the door for you. “How much of that did you catch?”

You laughed. “Um, caught just about everything after you told one of them that you are ‘perfectly fucking capable’ of tearing the wall down safely.”

Richie shook his head. “Fuckin’ Fak.”

 You continued, not acknowledging his statement with anything but a smile. “Which, no offense,” you looked over at him, “I heard the crashing when I walked in. Not sure how true that is.”

“Not you too,” he shook his head as you both stood in the doorway. You were standing just out on the sidewalk, Richie just barely inside the hollowed-out restaurant.

“Just keepin’ it real,” you said, holding your hands up in surrender.

Richie was still shaking his head as he looked up at the sky for a moment, like he was visibly trying to talk himself out of saying something shitty. Finally looking back at you, he said, “Thanks for the jacket.” He shook it in his hand to emphasize his point.

“I know you guys are,” you made a general circling motion with your hand in the direction of the restaurant, “but call me when you’re done if you want.”

“Alright, yea.” He ran his hand across his brow-line. “I’ll let you know.”

You nodded. “Sounds good.” You leaned in, stealing a chaste kiss before stepping back away again. “Oh, and Richie?”

He looked at you, eyebrows raised. “Yea?”

“Take it easy on Carmy.” You laughed. “It’s fucked up to bully children.”

Richie laughed, tension dropping from his shoulders a little bit. “He makes it too easy, though. Candy from a fuckin’ baby, I swear.”

You laughed a little harder at that, shaking your head. “That’s exactly my point.” You watched him roll his eyes at you and all you could do was smile. “Talk to you later.”

“Yea, yea, I’ll see you.”

Richie stood there in the doorway and watched as you walked back down the sidewalk. You got a few strides away and realized that you hadn’t heard the clattering of the door shutting. When you turned around and saw him standing there still looking at you, you laughed and shook your head at him. He smiled, but rather than saying anything else, he just gave you the finger before pulling out a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his track pants.

When he walked back into the construction area, everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him. By that point, everyone only consisted of Fak and Carmy. Natalie must’ve handed out tasks to just about everyone else, things they could do that didn’t involve trying to work through the mess that Richie had just inadvertently created with the disintegrating wall.

“Who was that?” Carmy immediately asked when Richie stepped back in the room.

“Don’t fuckin’ worry about it.”

Fak piped up. “Is she your girlfriend? Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Shut the fuck up, Neil,” Richie snapped with a shake of his head.

“Is she, though?” Fak didn’t let up.

“No—what—what are we, fuckin’ twelve? She’s not my girlfriend.”

“She’s stopping by!” Fak countered. “With your jacket!” He gasped dramatically. “Do you sleep over?”

“I’m gonna put you through that fuckin’ wall, I swear to god.”

Carmy was half-covering his mouth with his hand watching the two of them going back and forth. He tried not to smile. “She’s not your girlfriend, then. So, so what is she?”

Richie threw his hands up, jacket flapping as he did. “Why are we even talkin’ about this right now? Don’t you have a restaurant to open?”

“Can’t open shit when you’re knocking all the walls down,” Carmy shot back with a small smirk pulling at his lips. He paused. “What’s, what’s the deal?”

Richie shook his head, knowing that he wasn’t going to get out of the conversation without giving some kind of answer. For as annoyed as he was, he also had a sliver of awareness in the back of his mind that when the shoe is on the other foot he was just as relentless, if not more.

“I met her on, fuckin’, you know,” he patted at his pants pocket where his phone was. “And she’s cool.”

“But not your girlfriend,” Carmy clarified.

“No. We’re like, friends with benefits or whatever you fuckin’ lizards call it.”

“You have friends?” Carmy asked with a laugh.

“She gives you benefits?” Fak piped up, his voice that same shocked almost-whisper he used so often.

Richie was shaking his head at both of them. He pointed at Carmy, using the hand that was still clutching his jacket. “Fuck you—yes, I have friends.” He turned to Fak and pointed at him next. “And fuck you, yes I get benefits!” He punctuated the sentence by giving him a good shove.

“Think she’s still gonna give you benefits after seeing you act like a fucking maniac in here today?” Carmy asked, eyebrows slightly raised as he tried and failed miserably at not looking amused.

“Pfft,” Richie shrugged like he was so unbothered by it, like he was far cooler than he really is, “bet I’ll get even more benefits now.”

“Gross,” Carmy responded with a laugh.

“So gross,” Fak agreed.

“You fuckin’ asked,” Richie argued, pointing back and forth between the two of them.

Before they could descend further into the madness, Natalie’s voice came ringing in front the office. “Neil! Sweetheart! Come here for a second, please.”

“Coming!” he called back, charming as ever. He looked at Richie, pointing at him accusingly. “You’re gross.”

“And you don’t fuck, Neil Fak,” Richie replied without missing a beat.

Once he walked out of the room, Richie and Carmy both instantly broke down laughing. They were both shaking their heads, at each other, at Fak, at all of it. The entire morning had been a mess, just like most of the other mornings preceding it. It was so easy to get lost in it sometimes that giving each other shit over things like that was a breath of fresh air in the strangest way. Bullying each other just for the sake of it not because it felt like the restaurant was imploding and they were each trying to cope with it the only way that they really knew how.

“Hey, cousin,” Carmy spoke up after things had quieted between them again. It looked at Richie who was looking down at the jacket in his hand.

“Yea?” Richie pulled his eyes back up.

He nodded in the direction of the door. “That all good?”

Richie shrugged, nodded. “It’s all good.”

The ends of Carmy’s mouth lifted into a tiny grin. It was genuine, still just a touch of humor to it because they were still the exact men that they were. “Alright.” He clapped Richie on the back. “C’mon, let’s clean up this fuckin’ wall you knocked down.”

“I didn’t knock—”

“You fuckin’ did!” Carmy said with a laugh.

“You know what? Whatever,” Richie shook his head. Turning on his heel, he went to put his jacket away, somewhere out of the danger zone. “Grab a fuckin’ broom, then.”

Carmy was shaking his head, already making his way to get supplies to start containing the mess. He grabbed a garbage can and a broom, chuckling to himself when he heard Fak and Richie pick up their arguing all over again just a few yards away.

[lace-coffin]

hellooo :) I love your hcs and I was wondering if maybe you could write like (nsfw??) hcs for lie Jason, chromeskull, and Asa? Like they capture a police officer s/o and how they would treat the s/o. It’s okay if it’s just like one instead, (if you even do this xdd) but overall your writing is so ?? Amazing.

Slashers with captured!police!S/O (Nsfw)

Slashers x gn!Reader

Requests are closed! (For now)

I’m so happy to hear you like my writing omg!! That means so much T T

Jason voorhees

Jason doesn’t have a set view on police officers, whilst his mother taught him they protect citizens and put criminals away he’s still not fond of them. Considering the police did nothing to help when Jason was essentially murdered he’s not too happy about interacting with them.

Jason was nervous and jumpy in the early days of your meeting, convinced you were only trying to get close to him to turn him in, why else would you ever attempt to bond with someone like him? (Incorrect, I love jay) this meant that your little rendezvous only ever happened in the woods of crystal lake or the campsite, never in Jason’s home, he needed some sort of privacy and to feel like he had some leverage if it did turn out to be a ruse.

Thankfully after weeks of reassurance and even showing him you left your phone in the car when you visited he began to trust you. Learning you genuinely just wanted to know him and there was no ulterior motive opened the floodgates within him. Jason has a lot of love to give once he’s happy to be vulnerable with you. Jason has never had many friends or family in his short life, so the ones he does have are held very closely.

You found out quickly that cuffs weren’t something that would even be helpful against Jason should you want to subdue him for whatever reason. You once put him in them as a joke after he’d been eyeing the shiny metal hanging from your trouser loops. It may as well been string the way he snapped them like it was nothing, hearing one of his traps being set of and instantly snapping the cuffs in his haste to move. Once he’d realised what he’d done his face darkened cutely in embarrassment. The sight of Jason blushing in cuffs is something you could appreciate.

Using cuffs is less of a physical restraint and more of a show of submission with Jason, sure he could snap them and not break a sweat if he really wanted to, but he wants to be good for you, pliant for you. It’s almost like the cuffs signify that he can let go, pass over the power to you for the evening. Watching him squirm under you whilst you work over his cock feels filthy and you can’t get enough. He groans and tugs against the restraints, frustrated from your teasing but not enough to break free and have you scold him.

If it’s been one of those days where Jason is particularly riled up the cuffs might not be enough. Teasing him when he’s already wound up tight may lead to him snapping the cuffs and fucking you into mattress < 3

Chromeskull (Jesse cromeans)

Jesse was less than pleased to see you. Police officers were his least favourite people, always on his trail and in his business though thankfully never quick enough to catch him. Imagine his surprise when he found a police badge in his new piggy’s possessions that he’d confiscated. It made his heart pick up in a strange way, palms sweaty from the danger of it but equally interested in the thrill.

It became apparent he wanted to put you to good use, sending multiple videos of you bound and weeping to the precinct as some kind of sick taunt to the officers you used to work with. He knew it was a risky move but couldn’t care less, to delighted in the idea of your past coworkers opening the file with baited breath, only to see you bound, bruised and totally submissive to the man at large. He imagined it made them sick, seeing you shake as he runs the knife under your chin, boasting how he caught one pig, and soon he’ll have the rest at the station.

Jesse was quick to press you for information when you first came into his possession, wanting any useful evidence the station may have against him. You were considerably less stubborn with a gun pressed into the underside of your jaw.

Unsurprisingly Jesse is partial to weapons in the bedroom, namely the same gun you arrived with. He finds it amusing how the power is literally in the other hand now, gloved fingers gripping the trigger. Some videos he makes are to be kept in his private collection, the camera on his shoulder recording every moan and yelp that leaves your mouth.

Jesse will grab your jaw and manhandle you to look into the camera, prompting you to degrade yourself for his and the imaginary audiences pleasure. “I-I’m a stupid piggy who got caught, now I’m nothing but a stupid slut for daddy” your eyes are wild from the gun wedged into your hole, slowly being fucked in and out by your owner. It’s unloaded but he would never tell you that, loving the pure terror that paints your expression when he adjusts his finger on the trigger.

Asa Emory

Your capture and subsequent placement in the collection were meticulously planned, what’s a better warning/taunt to the cops than one of the head officers on the case seemingly going missing overnight. Originally you were just supposed to be used as bait and discarded quickly after, not a fan of having police this close to his place of operations.

This didn’t end up being the case, Asa fell in love with the irony and power play of it, the head officer once on his case now a mindless pet below him. He took every opportunity to taunt you about this, how humiliating it was that you’d fallen this low, sitting like a well trained mutt at the feet of the enemy.

Asa takes a lot of joy in dressing you up in your blood stained uniform, reliving the moments he spent breaking you down, ripping the fabric and forcing your tie into your mouth to muffle your cries.

On the opposite side of this once he trusts you enough he lets you in on his fantasy of being caught and dominated, finally apprehended and fucked into the sheets like a slut. Cuff his hands and slam him against the wall, tell him he has no where to run and won’t be leaving without being handed to the station unless he lets you use him to get off. Point your gun to his head whilst he chokes you down, thighs crushing his head.

[dangermousie]

2023 End of Year Post - cdrama edition

Yes, we have a lot of December left, but I don't think anything else I want to check out will air before 2024 hits (it's cdrama so caveat is - you never know.)

This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2023; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it's not on the list. This was a pretty good cdrama year, all in all.

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

30 legend of twin flower - Not dignifying that drama with capital letters, as the only capital that should be associated with this is capital punishment - which is what watching this feels like.

29 Dominator of Martial Gods - sounds like a bdsm gay porn title. Would probably be better acted and written if it was.

28 Beauty of Resilience - you'd need a lot of said resilience to sit through this incoherent, barely acted mess. The thing that I remember the most other than my annoyance is all the jingly-jangly head gear on JJY. Perhaps they could have sold some of them and spent the money on a better script.

27 Divine Destiny - if you think you have too many brain cells and want to get rid of some, boy do I have a drama for you!

26 Wanru’s Journey - honestly it's probably tied with SEL - I mean it's worse but it has actors who are nowhere as well known and a fraction of SEL's budget. Still, this is a big fat nope. I will not say what I think of Aoi Rupeng's "acting" or I'd have to put money in the curse jar.

25 Snow Eagle Lord - Gulinazha's stone face, nonsense plot, terrible CGI. Take your pick as to why this is terrible.

24 Scent of Time - it was uneven but fun but then that ending was dumb enough to destroy the whole thing. Show me on the doll where common sense hurt you, makers!

23 Royal Rumors - Jeremy Tsui and Meng Ziyi are utterly wasted in this nothing trifle of a drama.

22 Legend of Anle - I had high expectations but alas. This is the drama version of color beige. There is nothing offensive about it but nothing good either. Mediocre actors are mediocre, good actors become mediocre, this is just a waste of our finite time on planet earth.

21 Romance on the Farm - it's not you, it's me in action. I can see why people would like this wholesome slice of farming family life, but it's tailored to trigger every one of my "nope" opinions.

20 Back from the Brink - if I were 12, it would be my favorite thing. I am not 12.

19 Journey of Chong Zi - objectively a terrible drama with plot holes the size of Mars and a leading lady whose face has apparently frozen when the wind changed. But I am a total sucker for the trope of upright shizun falling for his demonic disciple and going mental so here we are. Objectively, garbage, subjectively my precious!

18 Love you Seven Times - just call poor Ding Yuxi "Atlas," he carried this mess so hard.

17 Blooming Days - trashy dogblood harem fight fun throwback. It's not that great (and the fact that it was shredded doesn't help) but it's probably the last gasp of that genre for the foreseeable future, so I am grading on a curve.

16 The Starry Love - a fun fantasy where the secondary OTP stole the thunder but overall a really solid fantasy xianxia romance.

15 The Longest Promise - it could have been better - the secondaries were unbearable and there was too much of them and what they did with Alen Fang's character still gives me rage fits, but the main couple was impeccable and lovely and I rooted so hard for them.

14 Chang Feng Du/Destined - visually gorgeous, solidly acted, impeccable first half. Bland as hell second half. Win some, lose some.

13 Circle of Love - this drama is a nonsense trash heap on fire. After a typhoon hit it. It was also the most entertaining, addicting drama on this whole list.

12 Hidden Love - the sole modern on this list, this story has barely any plot but it made me care about the young, decent lovers so hard.

11 Choice Husband - starts out wacky, continues with angst and blood and happy ending. I loved it, but I've always had a soft spot for melo and schemers turning devoted.

10 Pledge of Allegiance - bromance, super solid acting, visuals, a really dark take on officials and the world. Insanely underrated.

9 Provoke - a truly fun Republican revenge and love tale, showing that short format can be wonderful.

8 Gone with the Rain - some of the secondary characters are rage-inducing (hi there, cardboard boy!) but the scheming, ruthless, vulgar FL is amazing and her slowburn with her age gap general who is delighted by her out-there-ness is great!

7 Wonderland of Love - Fei Wo Si Cun goes wholesome and the result is surprisingly entertaining. Battle couple, glorious visuals, a fast paced plot. It's the first Xu Kai drama I enjoyed in years (and he plays a rare cdrama ML it would be pretty neat to pair up with in rl.)

6 My Journey to You - that ending is infuriating (and I am OK with open endings if done properly) but what a visual feast, probably the most gloriously shot drama on this list, and that's a tough competition. Also it packs a hell of a lot of couples and familial and adversarial relationships into its slim running time; assassin lady won over by a gentle man is my favorite trope and so this is extra great.

5. Till the End of the Moon - the ending is a rage-inducing disaster for me, but this drama was the most incredibly emotionally intense, visually eye popping experience. It was deeply flawed but when it was amazing, it was like nothing else in its visuals, its characters and its narratives. It took insane risks; some paid off and some did not, but it was glorious.

4. Story of Kunning Palace - I don't often care for reverse harem stories but this one was such fun - the main OTP was glorious (strong FL, unhinged ML) but honestly everything about this was just so excellently done.

3. The Ingenious One - the most adult drama on this list. Smart protagonists, intelligent plot, emotions that felt true, this is a revenge and a mystery and found family and goes into so many directions you do not expect (Su Mengyu's PTSD after his first kill - that is something you never see in dramas, definitely not prolonged and profound - not like this.) If I was to say which drama was objectively the best on this list, as opposed to favorite, it would be this.

1 (tie) Lost You Forever 1 - this is an exquisite emotional jewel of a story about damaged people moving forward, with damage always present - their past informs their present and always will. The narrative about Xiao Yao and three very different men in her life makes me think that it's an equivalent of a neutron bomb going off right before the main narrative starts and now we are watching the survivors wander in the wreckage. This is very high fantasy setting but it's one of the most emotionally human narratives out there.

1 A Journey to Love - everything I ever wanted - assassins, ride or die adult OTP with genuine believable conflicts, great and complex secondaries, beautiful fights. Oh, and yeah Liu Shi Shi domming the hell out of every man in a ten mile radius, as she should.

FAVORITE DRAMA

It's a tie between Lost You Forever Part 1 and A Journey to Love. LYF1 is a bona fide art piece but it's only part 1 and who knows if part 2 will be any good (seeing the huge ep number cut, I have my doubts) and so it's incomplete. AJTL is an old school wuxia romance with incredibly competent, adult people in love and great cast of secondaries. I can't pick.

WORST DRAMA

romance of twin flower - this is a drama that should not exist. If I could hex everyone involved with it, I would. It's a terrible, stupid, shrill, badly acted drama to start with, but where it really is catapulted into stratosphere of horror is that is took my very favorite non-danmei web novel of all time, a smart and complicated tale with incredible protagonists and turned it into that barftastic abomination. Peng Xiao Ran kept making horrible drama after horrible drama but I kept giving her a chance because of Goodbye My Princess but after this disaster, I've had to accept GMP was a fluke and she is on my "if she's in it, I am out” list. Ding Yuxi is not that far yet (his performance in Seven Lifetimes was the one thing carrying that mess afloat) but he's on freaking thin ice. Anyway, I like to pretend this drama does not exist.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

It was hard because there were so many I loved this year - Deng Wei's traumatized, gentle Seventeen from LYF1 (if someone told me I'd swoon and weep for a character played by Deng Wei, I'd have told them to examine their brains asap), Liu Yuning's incredibly capable, deadly, contained Ning Yuanzhou from AJTL, Zhang Linghe's unhinged Xie Wei from SoKP, Chen Xiao's schemer with a heart Yun Xiang from TIO.

But ultimately, it couldn't be anyone else but Luo Yunxi as Tantai Jin/Demon God/Ming Ye/Cang Jiumin in Till the End of the Moon. He was everything - a demon, a saint, a martyr, a monster, a tormented abuse victim, a savior, joyful, unhinged, smart, pitiable. It was the cdrama performance of the year for me. Luo Yunxi even in a mediocre role is impressive but in a complex (series of) role(s) designed for his strengths, he is a force of nature.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Xiao Yao (Lost You Forever Part 1). Once again, there were runner ups - Bai Lu's smart a little evil FL in Kunning, the gloriously unhinged assassin domme Liu Shi Shi in AJTL, Esther Yu's assassin longing for a different life in MJTY etc etc etc. But Xiao Yao's damaged, difficult, very self-aware woman stole my heart. I was skeptical going in because I haven't enjoyed a Yang Zi performance in a long time, but she was the wounded beating soul of this incredible drama.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Where do we start? How about all of Seventeen's (LYF1) monster family? His brother, who tortured him for years physically and emotionally to such a degree his body is a horror map and his personality is permanently altered because "mommy liked you better." Psycho mother who created a situation where the kids were going to turn on each other and "let's get my grandson raped" grandma. Where is a well-placed meteorite when you need one.

FAVORITE SHIP

Xiao Yao/Seventeen, LYF1. Yes, a ship of characters played by Yang Zi and Deng Wei is my favorite. Leave me alone, I am on my tenth helping of crow already. They are both incredibly damaged, barely functioning survivors who find what they need in the other - he finds a savior and someone who sees him as a man and rebuilds himself around her and she finds someone who will always put her first and only, and subsume himself in her. Is it healthy? No. Does it make sense for them and is it making them slowly functional? Yes.

Runner up: Ren Ruyi/Ning Yuanzhou, AJTL - two adults, so competent, so chemistry full. She has so much damage and so little normalcy but is so strong and he is oddly gentle (in between murders) and incredibly self-reflective. They are each other's mirrors and I love them.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Su Mingyu/Ke Menglan, The Ingenious One - the idealistic merchant who wants to join jianghu until he sees its horrors firsthand and a slave entertainer who wants security but decides she wants him more. They are gorgeous and glorious and wholesome and I adore them.

Runner up: Liu Gong Quan/Ming Zhu, The Ingenious One - that drama was a shippy gift, especially impressive considering it wasn't even romance-centric. He's the officer who has to bring down her treasonous father but loves her. Delicious.

Another runner up is Chao Feng/Qian Kui, the angelic good girl and the scheming bad boy in The Starry Love. They stole the drama from the main OTP for me.

NOTP

Scent of Time endgame. What the hell was even that. It made NO sense.

FAVORITE SCENE

So many good scenes this year - Tantai Jin taking apart Li Susu in prison in TTEOTM, the OTP fighting in perfect sync and insane rhythm in the gorge battle in AJTL, Chen Ruoxuan's character stopping the execution in Pledge, Yan Lin's coming of age in Kunning, the poison/antidote "gamble" in MJTY, Cang Xuan detoxing in LYF1. But I think ultimately, me being who I am, my favorite scene is Xiao Yao kissing Seventeen's damaged, scarred knee to show he is in no way inferior for her. AAAAA!

In terms of pure jaw dropping visuals tho nothing will ever beat Ming Ye’s battle against the Devil God in TTEOTM.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Ning Yuanzhou, AJTL. He's sexy as hell (that height, that way he moves in battle) but he's also so incredibly competent, so adult, so self-reflective and so attracted to a woman for her strength. He also gets whumped on the reg. Anyway, my hormones are ready.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Gong Yuanzhi (My Journey to You) - I loved the unhinged, brocon poison boy. He was everything. Also Yan Lin (Kunning) - talk about sunshine; I totally got why all these people felt they needed to save him.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

My Journey to You - what the HELL was that ending?

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

legend of twin flower - that is, stab it with scissors like it stabbed the novel until it's dead.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Till the End of the Moon - they clearly cut stuff to fit into the new regs about runtime and it made the last 1/5 rather abrupt. Gimme!

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

The emperor cannot be irredeemable. WTF, China, you are a communist country!

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

This is the year of a ML who yearns to be dommed by his FL. Long may it continue.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

The Legend of Anle - the novel had a great plot, the cast were all actors I either enjoy a lot or somewhat and we got - whatever that soggy piece of wonderbread toast was.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

LYF1 - I only checked out to mock because nobody could explain the story to me and nobody in the cast did anything I like either ever or in years. And then I fell utterly and completely in love and had to eat so much delicious crow.

2023 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

Ancient Love Song is the only one on that list. It looks really good, I just need to brace myself.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

The Imperial Doctoress - best slowburn and pining and glorious character development and adult leads.

MOST ANTICIPATED

Anticipating any nonaired cdrama is a mug's game but if they air, I will definitely check out all the Fox Matchmaker dramas, LYF2, JoL2 and The Last Immortal. If Prisoner of Beauty ever is allowed out of the vault (dubious), it goes on the list too.

[kurosstuff]

What aboutttt protective!bunny!lute x soft!bunny!female!reader ✨

Like ppl look down on the relationship cuz why would 2 "weak" bunny's be together. Lute's angry that she's prey because she has so many traits of a predator, like strength, protectiveness, and aggressiveness. So she is always trying to prove to the reader that she is enough to protect them, so reader doesn't leave her for a predator and so she always feels safe.

OMG Y3QH-

God lute would be pissed just throwing a tantrum. Her a bunny? He'll no-

Warning(s): fighting, Lute being lute, idk it's fluff, slight angst?

Bunny!lute x Bunny!F!reader: perfect mates

Sighing, you looked out the window, yet another courter outside your cabin confessing to you- like it is everyday. A predator courting a prey.

"My darling bunny~ I swear if you pick me I will protect you with my whole life~"

The wolf declared. On their knees, arms stretched out, fully expecting you to jump into them in awe touched.

"Not happening," staring deadpan uninterested as you gave the answer to the wolf as always. "I'm happily mated to Lute." Your ear twitched in hopes she's near- your beloved mate should be near soon. Should-

A laugh cut you off. The wolf covered their mouth once they heard who tou were mated to. Sighing you heard the same phrases you always heard 'another bunny? How could you be protected?' Whats so odd about having a mate of the same kind as you?

Never heard complaints with two predators but. Two preys? Mated? Oh that's wrong apparently.

"Now what the fuck. Are you doing?' A new voice called from behind you the familiar thumping from her foot. Signaling to you- Lute is pissed "flirt with my mate? Insult her? Insult me? Do you KNOW who the fuck I am?" Walking to the window her spear in hand

You sighed, knowing the exact outcome that's about to happen. Like all other times. With a blink, Lute jumped from the window, cursing up a storm challenging the wolf to a battle - who foolishly accepted. Turning, you went inside, not wanting to see yet another blood bath. Of your mate wining as always.

It didn't take long for Lute to come back inside. Her bloodied weapon thrown to the side as she rushed to you- "I'm fine, my mate," you whispered, watching her snarling ears twitching in irritating. If you didn't know she was a bunny- you'd assume she was a predator herself.

Like your first meeting. Her in her armor you assumed she was a wolf from how she behaved as ironic as you rethink now. "Your my mate. Who gives a damn what we are? She scuffed pacing around the room cleaning up the blood on her. Knowing how ir bugs you- after all you did just repaint the walls and redecorate after.. another fighting incident

"Your MY mate. I can keep you safe. Happy. No one else can! No one can keep up with my fucking speed!" She yelled out barking in rage

"Lute"

"LIKE. YEAH IM A PREY TO BUT-"

"Lute," you spoke, interrupting her rant, knowing if you didn't know she wouldn't have stopped. She'd continue the rest of the day. Getting more mad. More temper tantrums as all the other times before instead of getting angrier. She sighed sitting on the couch covering her face with her hands her ears drooping. "..my mate.. please.. what's going on?" You whispered softly following her close but keeping their distance

"I'm your mate.. bur. I'm a poor excuse of one. No one takes us seriously! If I wasn't a fucking bunny of all things. Maybe, " she sighed, trailing off for a moment to recollect her thoughts "maybe if I was another prey they would like.. I don't fucking know like a fucking deer. Those are acceptable." She snarled out sighing looking up at you sadly "I want to be the best mate for you. Who you'd want-"

"But you are," you cut off, cradling her face smiling "your everything I ever wanted in a mate.. and more. Your caring. Protective. Kind. Considerate all the things that make up a wonderful mate. That's you" you spoke softly

Holding her close as you could kissing her softly- you hummed smiling hearing the familiar thump. Not the same as the ones when she's mad. The thumps when she's happy - when she gets so unbelievably overwhelmed with herself, she thumps to show her gratitude. "I love you. I will only ever choose you. No other prey or predator will ever catch my eye. They can try, and they will. But you have my eyes. My heart. Everything.' You spoke softly, seeing her smile softly. "There's my girl ~"

With a deep, she sighed, grumbled, laying against your chest "..same here" she huffed out hiding in your neck her tail wagging happily smiling you held her- knowing that's the closest to her speaking of her feelings to much outwardly. Spoken allowed. Much less let you hear her.

The predators can try to court either of you. But you both knew they'd fail. Especially if they could see how you both stared at one another. How only you and her excited at a time the second you locked eyes. She hummed closing her eyes smiling. She truly loved you- and she's glad to hesr you state the same.

[loveswrites]

ok so how about cullen poly during the fight scene in the fourth movie orrrr cullen poly with how spending a day with them would be like

Tomorrow Poly Cullens x reader

Summary: Basically what the lovely anon asked for but I didn’t listen what so ever so I might make a part two if you guys want.

Etc: And if you loves want a part two let me know and drop some ideas for what they could do in their two hours aloneee. Also thank you my loves for all of the notes it encourages me to write more things for you guys and not just myself lol <3

Word count: 1694

Time it took: 1 hour and 40 minutes

“How could you be like a thousand years old and still so stupid!” You huffed holding your head in your hand. You and the Cullens had been fighting lately. You don’t know why.. Well maybe you have something to do with it.

“How am I stupid? I really can’t hangout with you today my darling. We need to hunt. Especially Jasper, with you being around a lot more his hunger levels tend to double.” Carlisle said. You could just picture him looking at you in sympathy. 

You had called him because apparently all of your lovers are just too busy to hang out with you. You thought Carlisle would be free seeing as he was off today but I guess that wasn’t the case. He was off to go hunting with the rest of the family. Jasper had to leave earlier than the rest. So Alice, Emmett and Esme went with him. You thought Edward would be free since he didn’t go with him but he was in one of his petty moods ever since you went to hang out with Seth and Jacob with Bella. You told him he had nothing to worry about but he insisted that he did. Him and his stupid stupid mind reading. Which led to a fight with him so he was on the bottom of the roster right now.

Then there was Rosalie which was just a hard no for you. You didn’t want to hang out with her right now. Why you may ask? She threw away your pasta three days ago because she said it stunk. Who is she to throw away your pasta? You don’t walk around here popping her blood bags because you don’t like the way it looks to you. Maybe you should. I thought about it for a while and eventually said it out loud, Which was another fight with her that you could just add to the list.

So that left Carlisle who was perfect. Just perfect. He had picked you up from school just earlier today because you told him that you needed a ride. Since everyone else was busy he came and got you. Which he usually doesn’t do because it draws attention. But by now everyone was used to you being with and around the Cullens. Though they don’t know that you date them all. They only know that you date Jasper and Edward which they already thought was weird as hell. But you never cared. You're in love with two vampires that are the downfall to all of the human race. And you think that the world can know that. Know just enough without blowing the cover of it all.

“My love, I know that you are disappointed and upset with us but sadly there is nothing that I can offer for a solution.” Carlisle said after hearing your long aspirated sigh. 

“It’s like you guys are avoiding me. I don’t feel loved at all. I want some love without an argument following through not even two minutes in.” You said, Stripping yourself of your clothes preparing to take a shower since you had nothing better to do. 

“We are not avoiding you-” Carlisle paused and you could hear voices in the background. Listening closely you could hear that it was Esme.

“Is that-”

“I’m sorry but I have to go, the hospital is calling.” He rushed out and before you could even say a word the line was clear. 

Pulling your phone away from your ear you could do nothing but stare at it in disbelief. He hung up on you. And not only that but you were completely sure that that was Esme's voice in the background. No one else around her sounds like her. And you know damn well the hospital did not call him. He was lying. Esme was lying. They’re all lying. 

You couldn’t feel anything but disbelief. 

You knew they lied to just about everyone but that was to protect their family. Not everyone in the town could know that they drink animal blood and sparkle in the sun like a fucking case of glitter. But you knew those things already. You’ve seen those things already. So there would be no reason to hide anything from you. At all. 

Finding a new sense of adventure sparling through your veins you put your clothes back on now determined to find some answers. 

Running down the stairs with your bookbag you almost bumped into Charlie. “Woah there kiddo, What's the rush?!” He yelled out to you as you ran past him.

“I’ll be back later, don't worry I just need to see something really quick!” You yelled back getting into your car Carlisle got you for your last birthday. You had told him that was a big mistake. Even though He bought you a car you always felt guilty using it because you didn’t want it to look like you were using him. So you’d always catch a ride with one of them or go with bella. But right now you didn’t care about any of that. 

Pulling up to the Cullens residents It looked deserted. But then again when did it not? Parking your car you walked up to the door which was already being opened by Alice. Once you saw her you immediately frowned. She was supposed to be with Jasper just like Esme was. 

“What are you-”

“You need to go home.” Alice said firmly with her head held high light always.

“What? I don’t understand, why are you here?” You grow your eyebrows in confusion.

“Cleaning. Now go.” She said pointing back to your car.

“Do you see me walking away from this house anytime soon Alice?” You said standing your ground. She wasn’t just about to go and rush you away when you had only just gotten here. Seeing her face you knew the answer. 

You pushed her out of the way gently but made it known that you were going to back down and bow like a little puppy. 

As you walked closer to the heart of the house you heard mumbling and hushed whispers. Finally reaching your destination your eyes widened a little with what you saw. And your heart skipped a couple of beats.

Standing in front of you there was a sign on the wall that read. "We're so sorry’ And the loves of your life were each holding a sign that read ‘I love you because…’

“I know we lied to you but we had too. It was the only way for us to be able to put something together to try and show you the love that we have for you. You came sooner than expected.” Jasper said, looking a little ashamed. Him and his southern accent would always make you smile. Sometimes you wondered if it was just him. Or him using his powers on you. But either way you didn’t care it made you happy.

“Once Alice saw you coming we had to throw something together really fast. We were still brainstorming ideas Roslise didn’t like anything we suggested.” Edward said, shooting Rose a pointed look making you let out a small laugh. That was more like a sigh of relief. 

“It wasn’t enough, all their Ideas sucked. You deserve nothing but the best and I think I'm the only one in this room that understands that.” Rose said in her know it all tone that you loved so much.

“When you said over the phone early that you didn’t feel loved anymore that broke a piece of my heart. I- We never want you to feel that way. We want you to feel like the most loved person in this world. Because you are my love. We would die for you.” Carlisle said taking a step closer to you.

“I’d live for you.” Edward said, taking a step closer to you.

“Fight for you.” Jasper and Emmett said at the same time. Also taking a step closer to you.

“Smile for you.” Rose said, taking her step.

“Care for you.” Esme said taking a step as well.

“We couldn’t imagine a life without you and we're going to prove it to you. Starting today.” Esme said.

“Well more like tomorrow.” Rose said Shrugging her shoulders when everyone looked at her with a look as if to tell her to shut up.

“Rose is right, the full day starts tomorrow but doesn’t mean we can’t start tonight. You’ll have at least 2 hours with each of us until it’s time for us all to gather together. Since tomorrow is saturday.” Carlisle said kissing the top of your forehead, making you smile. Realizing you hadn’t said a word in a while you decided to throw something out there.

“Really?” You whispered but you know they heard you. Perks of being a vampire.

“Yes.” They all said collectively. 

This made you so over filled with joy squealing you kissed all of your lovers with a big wide smile on your face. They of course kissed you back like they always do. Biting your bottom lip in anticipation you looked up at all of them in expectation. Making them all break out with a soft smile. In admiration. 

“So what’s first?” You said basically bouncing up and down in excitement.

“I mean we could take you up to the bedroom right now and start the fun immediately.” Emmett smirked looking you up and down with suggestive eyes. 

“Emmett!” You all said collectively.

“What? What did I say wrong? Don’t tell me you all haven't been thinking the same thing.” 

Tomorrow just couldn’t get here fast enough.

[dairy-farmer]

Okay but CONSIDER~☆ Petty, territorial, exhibitionist Kon!

(Also he has Strong Opinions and I tried to keep things In Character since I am working that. He's against feminizing Tim because he doesnt want to make his boyfriend disphoric. Slight realism to the porn? Attempted!)

Him and Tim? Dating. His memory? Flawless. He remembers EXACTLY all the emotionally scarring bullshit they put his boyfriend through. Tim may forgive, but HE doesn't. Fuck those guys.

What's WORSE? He can hear EVERYTHING. Your expressionless mask doesn't mean SHIT when he can hear your heart rate pick up. SEE your eyes dilate. When walls don't do SHIT to stop him hearing you beating your meat franticly, after excusing yourself to "make a call".

But Tim's HIS. Not theirs.

They break his heart and make him feel not good enough. KON makes him feel loved and powerful and happy. KON spent his whole life, fighting to have things that were JUST for him. His, not superman, not anyone else's. His. And Tim? Is HIS boyfriend. Is amazing.

And Kon LOVES making him feel good.

Really taking his time. Using his TTK to tease and pinch, stroke and hold, keeping Tim JUST where he needs him. Taking care of his needs in the ways Tim never seems too. Over and over, til he's all soft and boneless. Twitching. Gushing all the pleasure Kon pumped into him. Head finally quiet.

It's amazing.

So maybe that's why he doesn't stop. Even though he hears the arrogant stomping of Jon's bratty friend. Jon cleared out to the barn and some loud music over an hour ago. When he caught the LOOK Kon was giving Tim. Smart kid. But apparently not smart enough to drag his buddy along. Because now the little shit is looking for him.

Kon doesn't care.

He is face first between to long, powerful, legs and trying to make Tim's brain melt with his tounge alone. From the grip on his hair? Decent progress, so far. He adds fingers, making Tim's back bow. Earning those awesome little sounds.

The foot steps faltered then froze, outside his door. The brats heart rate has sky rocketed. Turned on by listening to Tim getting finger fucked. What a little perv.

But? Kon's discovered? He's kinda... in to it.

Showing them what they'll NEVER get to have. Showing them how it's DONE. That's right, little perv, listen to how GOOD I make him feel. You could never. This is what he, the REAL Robin, deserves.

Fucking Tim? While Damian stands frozen just outside his bedroom door? Is one of the best times they've had together. Kon nearly breaks his bed. Leaves Tim hoarse but glowing the next day. Granted, with a noticeable limp and unable to sit down, but Tim is hardly complaining.

Kon just grins, like a shark, every time Damian looks at him.

And of course, Kon has to do it again. It was AMAZING. Invite him oooover, babe. He miiiiisses yoooou. Sad face.

Tim laughes but does. Gotham is stressful after all. Even if, for some reason, the gremlin has been avoiding him. Weird, chirps Kon, who knows EXACTLY why. Wonder why that could be?

Arrives to find Dickhea- sorry, Tim's BELOVED brother DICK, who definitely didn't betray him, and TOTALLY didn't try to Put Him In ARKHAM, THAT Dick... hanging around. Trying to "make amends". (Kon's ass he is.) And doing team ups. Hanging like a leech all over KON'S boyfriend. Eating all of the food TIM should be coaxed into eating before there's a chance and lounging around Tim's home like he owns the place!

.....ha ha. Kon's not mad, babe. Promise. He could NEVER be mad at YOU. :) :) :)

(He might murder this clingy bitch, though.)

But, hey! This IS Rob's place. And you know what's Perfectly Reasonable, nay, even NATURAL, to do in one's own place? With their boyfriend? Come here, babe~ My power, clever, gorgeous, sexy, hasn't showered for three days, hot mess~ let's get you cleaned up and in bed.

Oh yeah, your brother will TOTALLY respect Boyfriend's Over time. I texted him for you and everything thing! (Kon didn't and honestly? Dick wouldn't.)

So Kon gets his boyfriend naked. Always a delight. Some sexy groping and forplay in the shower. Wet and sexy fun! A classic. Can Kon hear Dick planning to "head over to Tim's"? Half way across the city? Well maybe certain individuals are about to learn to text first. And that they will NEVER get what they want so bad, no matter how hard they go panting.

Meanwhile? Kon is working Tim up. Hitting all his good spots. Stubble rubbed against the neck, as he kisses his way down. Not too hard, since Kryptonian hair has no give. Just little prickly sparks. Right down to his pecs. Not tits, never tits, or Kon gets kicked out of the bed for WEEKS. Made THAT mistake exactly ONCE.

Manly, manly pecs with the hottest pink little nipples you've ever seen. Likes when Kon uses his TTK for the other one. Focuses on uses his hands to stretch him, tease his fantastic hole and little t-dick clit. Tim totally loses it. Starts trying to RIDE his hand and make him go faster. Always whines and begs when Kon has to hold him still.

Oh look, someone sneaking in the window uninvited. Wonder who that could be? Gee, sure hope he remembered to close that security feed of the bedroom. But, shucks. Technology is just SO confusing! Hope they don't ASSUME Tim is ALWAYS at his desk and go looking there first!

Does Kon sit up and leave Tim's nips to his TTK, just so the cameras can REALLY get a good visual? Of COURSE not. Tim just really, REALLY enjoys the feeling. So he's giving him double the action as he slides home. Even adds his clit to the teasing, just to see that open mouth, gasping for air, feral thrashing look, Tim gets.

Kon hear the searching, meandering footsteps of their intruder, reach Tim's desk and freeze. In that way only a highly trained Bat could. A heart rate spikes and breathe is sucked in sharply. A swallow.

Ah, did Kon for get to turn off the audio? Whoops. Thank goodness it was on low, huh? But I bet that close to the desk, you can hear it. Room's REAL quiet.

Shift of fabric, the camera's audio is turned up.

Perverts, all of um. "Brotherly feelings" his ASS. Kon fucks Tim through his first orgasm, pounding short and rough RIGHT against that spot he likes, just as Tim likes him too. Listens to Tim's perv brother jerk himself desperately. Fantasize about how HE would be SO much nicer and sweeter to Tim's hole. Timmy this and that, like Rob's a little kid.

Like Rob would even be INTO any of that.

Calls Robs pecs TITS. Calls him PRETTY. Has no idea what Tim NEEDS and never did. Can't GIVE IT to Tim like Kon can. Pump into his hole until Tim feels like he's gonna break, then grind nice and deep until he DOES. Tease him for hours when he's all stressed and lost in his head, so he unravels into mush. Lift him up and don't let him down until he's been STUFFED with you. Til his legs are shaking and he can barely see straight. Till all he want is to pass out and cuddle.

Rob needs someone who will lovingly fuck him UNCONSCIOUS and will still be there, holding him, FUCKING HIM, when he wakes up. Needs to be so WANTED it drives someone a little insane. Needs good and pleasure and thoughtless, bone melting bliss. Not babying and tender little nothings.

And frankly? Kon is a petty, mean, Tim-fucker. He's woken up and chosen violence.

Deliberately avoids Tim's g-spot, like that isn't an execution worthy offense. Tell him, babe~ He wants to HEAR. What do want him to do to you? And Tim? Who is being fucking edged and FURIOUS about it? Says BET, opens his mouth, and makes all of Kon's dreams come true.

Holy Shit, Babe~ :D Yes Sir o7

Kon gets to destroy some perv fantasies, hear FANTASTIC Tim dirty talk, AND use TTK to fuck every orifice Tim HAS. It's a fantastic afternoon. He even gets Tim to take a nap instead of going back to work.

And would you look at that~ No clingy leech! You want pizza? Bart recommend this great place. Let's get pizza!

But then Mr. Broody Psychological Trauma is demanding Tim come play hostess to his Gala. Isn't he dating or something? A socialite no less? Make HER do it! But no. Tim has to go entertain old rich bastards and smile.

Fuck it. He's coming too.

Tim just laughs at his blatant gate-crashing plans and hands him an invite. Asks if he wants to go suit shopping. Mmmmmm sexy suit sex. Roleplay options. Yes please. They go shopping. It's awesome.

Less awesome? The party. Very boring in fact. And EVERYBODY wants to fuck his boyfriend. This may be his villian origin story. Also he fuckin KNEW it. "Bruce isn't like that" Kon's ass! He ALSO called that he totally wants to bone Clark. Without his piercings in? And in a suit? Kon looks VERY Clark-ish. Tim's old man keeps checking him out.

Frankly, however, Kon doesnt care.

He's on his last god damned nerve with these "oops! Ha ha, my bad." Handsy mother fuckers, touching his boyfriend. He dives into the crowd. Something, something, he's drunk, Tim. Come get air with me.

Tim knows damn well he can't GET drunk.

So obviously he better go take care of his Poor Drunk Boyfriend (ooooh nooooo).

Tim drags him to some side room the family uses. Before Kon can even get his hands under all those layers, he's sliding to his knees and swallowing Kon to the root. Fuck. It's EXACTLY what Kon needs. Hot and wet, cherishing and so damn eager. Absolutely milking him.

He cups that beautiful head and let's TTK slid down his body. Like hands stroking under clothes. Pinching and massaging his pecs. Rubbing his skin. Teasing his clit. Spreading him open for fingers to stretch and fuck. Kon can just lean back and enjoy the moaning. The eager rocking of Tim's mouth onto his cock.

Especially as the feeling turns from rubbing to fingers fucking into him. From fingers into toys. From toys into cock. Until Kon is spit roasting his Boyfriend all on his own. Making him whimper and twitch as he's rocked between two cocks, just how he likes it. Clinging to Kon and treated like something precious, head utterly empty, nothing but his next orgasm to worry about.

He whines when Kon pulls out of his mouth. But Kon promises he's just switching ends.

The best part? About using TTK during sex? Is they never need sex furniture. Kon can just bend Tim over thin air. Hold him there. So long as SOME part of him is touching Tim. Which, really, is an easy ask. And dragging down the probably ruined suit pants, Kon distantly notes soft steps approaching the door.

He slides home regardless. Grips those amazing hips and starts to pound. Tim desperately teasing his chest. Mouth open to be fucked by TTK cock, pouring out moans and fucked out cries. The wet squelch of their bodies meeting.

The footsteps have frozen. A reaction, muted. Almost... trained. Someone used to controlling their body. Oh my, oh my. It's the big perv.

The door's a crack. Not closing it, huh? So who are you staring at, Bat? Tim, your SON, as he gets fucked. Gasping and drooling, moaning for more, harder, deeper. Or Kon? The CLONE of your "best friend", a married man. As he fucks your son. Hips rolling, muscles lit with sweat, groaning in the pleasure takes from the body beneath him.

Which is the one you're getting off too, Batman? Tim? Him? Both of them? That's right, close the door and run. Kon can still hear you jerking it in the family wing.

Maybe Galas ARE fun.

As for Hood? Kon gets confronted. Because Jason can see the pattern developing and is self aware enough to Admit Some Stuff to Himself(tm). He WILL shoot you. And worse, he'll tell Tim. M.A.D. mother fucker.

Well, then. As long as he's aware Kon wants his spine as a mantle decoration. And he never, EVER makes a move on his Boyfriend. Yeah. Kon is willing not to torment him with glorious Tim Sex.

Great. Here's some coupons and gift cards to fancy ass date spots. Leave Jason to suffer his many mistakes in peace. The SECOND you are dead...

Ha! Tim will clone me. But THIS time, with my permission and adding his DNA so we have a Clone-Baby. Bart is husband number 2. None of you fuckers have a chance.

Suffer.

Like Kon said, he is a petty, Tim-loving, exhibitionist, bastard. He also now has date night plans! Sweet. Oooh. Fancy! This one's that new place with the waiting list. Nice.

-🐼🐼🐼

kon being a borderline exhibitionist and making sure to fuck tim in front of his family so they know exactly who he belongs to- and then them having planned out that if he dies bart will be tim's second husband so no one in his family can have him 😭😭😭

[stars-and-inkpots]

Promise Me | Gale x Reader

Gale accepts his fate so eagerly, and you don't understand why. You don't understand how he can leave everything- how he can leave you behind without hesitation.

Pairing: Gale/Reader

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, can be read as platonic

Notes: I don't have much to say about this one other than that I love Gale a lot and the fact that he just agreed to this in game makes me so sad when I think about it too deeply

Ao3 Link: Promise Me

Word Count: 1,415

When Elminster showed up, in the Underdark no less, to tell Gale that he could earn his Goddess’s forgiveness by effectively killing himself, you could hardly understand it. What made you even more confused, was Gale’s apparent acceptance of the task.

You had tried to interrupt them. You tried to explain how irrational the whole idea was, but Gale only waved away your attempts. He was accepting the task, seemingly eager to be a martyr. 

You expect Gale to change his mind once Elminster leaves. You expect him to tell you that he only agreed so he could get the orb under control. But when Elminster is gone, Gale affirms his choice once more. Nothing you said could change his mind, and he refused to talk on the matter any more for the rest of the night. 

It was cruel of Mystra to ask this of him, and you can’t understand how Gale can’t see this. 

The next morning, Gale acts as though the whole interaction never happened. 

He’s still smiling, still full of sarcastic comments that always seemed to lighten the mood while you all made your way through the Underdark. The next day is much the same. 

Everytime you try to talk to him, he’s conveniently out doing something else, or so busy with his studies that he “absolutely cannot spare a single moment.” As much as you care about him, it’s starting to annoy you just how long he’s willing to continue ignoring you. 

“Glaring at him every time he’s not looking isn’t going to accomplish much, my dear,’ Astarion says quietly. You’ve been walking back to camp for the better half of an hour, and you know you should be paying more attention to what’s around you given how dangerous the Underdark can be. 

“I know,” you grumble. 

“Have you talked with him about it?” The two of you are quiet enough that Gale won’t hear you. 

“No. He’s been avoiding me.” 

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Astarion hums. “I imagine he’s scared.” 

“Of me or blowing up?” You joke, maybe in poor taste, but it’s the first smile you’ve had in a while and Astarion appreciates the humour given the situation.  

“Both, definitely both.” Astarion smiles. “You can be quite scary when you’re angry. Maybe he thinks blowing up will be easier than answering to you.” It’s an awful thing to joke about, you think again, but you laugh anyway because there really is nothing else you can do. “I mean it though, that’s probably why he hasn’t said anything about it. As much as I hate to defend him, I’m sure he’s just trying not to think about it.” 

“You’re being strangely thoughtful, Astarion; dare I say considerate,” you tease. Astarion raises a hand to his chest in mock pain. 

“You wound me, pet. Am I not such a beacon of empathy all of the time?” 

“Alright, alright,” you laugh, loud enough this time for the whole group to hear. You wait a few moments before speaking again, sure that no one is still listening. “I’ll talk to him tonight then. I promise I won’t be too mean to him.” Of course, you couldn’t be mean to the man if you tried. You could be annoyed with Gale all you wanted, but you know that you would never be able to voice that anger. You know the look on Gale’s face would be too much, and you would immediately feel terrible. You know your anger is not truly anger. It’s fear, and it’s sadness. 

---

“Gale, I wanted to talk with you.” You watch as Gale freezes, hand reaching for the book he wasn’t quick enough to pick up before you arrived. 

“Ah, my apologies, I was just about to-” Gale trails off when he finally looks up at you. 

You don’t look angry, you look like you’re already grieving. You can feel the tears that already threaten to fall, and you know they likely will soon. “Gale,” you whisper, because you know your voice can’t handle any more than that without faltering. “Please. I just want to talk.” 

“Alright,” Gale relents. He lets you inside the tent first, sitting down across from him on the organised mess of blankets surrounded by books. He looks guilty when he looks back at you, but he doesn’t say anything yet; you know he’s waiting for whatever you have to say. You can’t bring yourself to look at him yet. 

“I’m sorry,” you start, and Gale is both surprised and confused. “I haven’t been very fair to you. I was so caught up in how I felt about everything that I didn’t consider how you might think of it.” 

Gale expected you to yell; to show some sort of resentment for his apparent acceptance of the terms of his ‘apology’ to Mystra. 

“I know I can’t change your mind. If you decide you want to go through with this, it’s your decision. I just want you to promise me something.” You finally look up at him, and Gale can see you’re crying now. 

“I can try,” Gale answers honestly. He’s never been fond of promises, especially when they could be so easily broken. 

You make a pained sort of noise. “Please. Promise.” You move closer to him, close enough that your knees are touching his. 

“I promise,” Gale decides. He’ll keep this one. If there are any promises he will keep, it has to be this one. You look relieved, but the frown creasing your brow hasn’t left you yet. The expression doesn’t suit you, Gale thinks, having grown accustomed to seeing you smiling so often despite everything. Knowing that he’s the reason for it only serves to make him feel worse. 

“Whenever you decide you’re going to do it, whether you decide that morning or the night before, you have to let me say goodbye. You can’t just leave when no one is looking. You have to tell me. You have to say goodbye to me.” Even though Gale already promised, it still feels like you’re begging him for this. The thought of never knowing when the last time you would see him would be made you sick. If he was going to go through with this, he had to give you this. You had to have the opportunity to say goodbye to him. To see him one last time. 

Gale doesn’t know what to say. He’s made the promise, but he knows it will be easier for himself if he leaves before he can change his mind. He knows that he has to leave well before anyone can hope to catch up with him if he wants any chance that they would be safe from the aftermath. He knows that if he has to face you before he leaves, he’s not going to be able to go through with it. You’ll only make him remember how much he truly doesn’t want to die- how terrified he is of death. 

So instead of saying anything, Gale leans forward and hugs you. 

You’re quick to wrap your arms tightly around him, clutching at the back of his shirt like he’s already about to leave. He lets you sob into his shirt, only just holding back tears himself. 

Is this what it’s like? To have someone care about you so completely- unconditionally. Someone who cares for not only your safety above all else, but would beg you for just the chance to say goodbye before you leave. You had assured him there had to be another way, and at the time, Gale assumed it was simply because you didn’t want to risk being caught in the crossfire. But now he knows that it wasn’t that at all. The thought of Gale’s death scares you just as much as it does himself. 

“I’m not leaving,” he says quietly. “You said we can find another way. We’ll find it.” 

“I don’t want to stop you from doing what you want to do. It’s your choice, Gale, but you have to know that it’s unfair of Her to ask this of you. You don’t deserve this.” You don’t want him to change his mind because of you. You want him to change his mind because he understands his life is worth it. His life is worth more than the forgiveness of a Goddess who doesn’t care about him. 

Gale’s arms tighten around you. He may not believe your words just yet, but it’s a start. 

It’s a promise. 

[bittersweetorpheus]

☆ LIFE, DEATH, AND REBIRTH ☆

☆ AUTHORS NOTES ☆

(This ended up getting written from Dottore’s POV. The God featured here is reader.)

😋 SACRILEGIOUS DOTTORE X DEITY!READER ???!!!!

I know I’ve been going for M.O.N.T.H.S but I came back to drop this and leave again. I was chatting with a dottore bot on character.ai which got my brain juices flowinggg so I had to open my computer and write this!

P.S: a certain part of this fic was inspired by one of hoyoverses other games *cough* HONKAI STAR RAIL *cough* 🤭. The real ones know which part it is ‼️💪

☆ CONTENT WARNINGS ☆

Death, gore, corpse, body horror aspects, sumeru archon quest spoilers

Dottore would admit that he wasn’t the least bit religious. Unlike the families that would give thanks before each meal and the Tsaritsa who believed Celestia should be struck down for trying to gain authority while You were absent, he couldn’t care less.

Afterall, however powerful they were, Archons could still die, so what was the difference between them when they all succumbed to the hands of death in the end? Was it power? No, he, himself, had created a being powerful enough to host the Gnosis of Kusanali, the Dendro Archon. Was it their life span? No, he, himself, had managed to create doubles of himself, all from different points in his life.

So in short, he didn’t spare a thought for the Archons, left alone The Creator. This, of course, did not help his nefarious reputation by any means, but he spared it no thoughts.

He did however grow curious about the abilities about this so called Creator when rumors about their descent started. Now, he finds himself in his main laboratory in the Tsaritsa’s palace with The Creator sitting on the examination table across from him- mind you, the cot that he had stained with blood just a week or two ago.

Now that he thinks about it, he never got around to cleaning it.

“Well?” The voice snaps him out of his thoughts. He turns to look at them.

They wear a veil made out of a material he’s never seen before. Its sheer enough for him to make out the outline of Their face if he squints, but not more than that. Their clothes are made of the same material and seem to flow and move on their own, as if gusts of wind are constantly blowing at their garments.

Even if They aren’t The Creator, they’re definitely something far from mortal.

“Your blood is certainly unlike any I’ve ever seen before. It’s as if you melted cor lapis and combined it with crushed star sliver, but it glows like lumenstone. I wonder if it has any affect on organisms of this world, or if it just looks like this and nothing else.” He observes.

They chuckle dryly, “why don’t you drink it and find out?”

He grimaces beneath his mask, he’d rather not chug down a nefarious bodily liquid at 2 in the morning from someone who he dosen’t care much for.

Not that They were unattractive, of course. He would go far enough to say They were probably the only one who made him take more than a few glances at. No hard feelings, he just dosen’t care much for The Creator… or fakers.

They seem to pick up his feelings about what They just said and glide down from the examination table.

“Or would you rather I show you some properties of my blood myself?” They ask, pointing their intricate fan towards the corpse of his previous patient across the lab from them.

That fan had gotten Pantalone and Ningguang into an amusing biding war against each other, each hoping to gift it to The Creator. In the end, The Creator caught wind of it and ended up setting up a business meeting to stop the nonsensical month-long biding war. They left with a blush on their face and both several times richer. Apparently The Creator had managed to get them to get along and turn the business meeting from about one about a fan to an important business meeting that helped both of them build important business connections with each other.

“Give me the vial,” They command.

He’s already walken over to Them and given Them the vial before he realizes what he did.

They pour the vial of their ichor over the corpse and it springs to life in an instant, screaming and moving away from Dottore.

It seems like the people they revive retain their memories, Dottore notes.

“Are you satisfied now? Or is there something more that you’re expecting?” They ask him. He can’t see their face through the veil but he gets the uncanny feeling that they’re staring straight through his very soul.

“I’ll admit that this is quite fascinating, however, it’s… unexpected, to say the least.” He admits.

“Oh? Why is that?” They drawl.

He gets the feeling that they’re probably smirking right now.

“While some legends do say that The Creator’s ichor heals and even resuscitates people, most them say that even a drop of The Creator’s ichor could bring about the cataclysm.

Once, he had wondered if that had been the start of the cataclysm, or if it was just another fabrication.

“Hm, is that how this world sees my ichor?” They hum, “well, every universe has different theories about me.”

“Oh? Then is it true? Can a drop of your ichor cause the end of this universe?” He says, teasingly, or mockingly- he dosen’t really know either.

“It depends on the mood I’m in,” They reply.

Yeah, They’re definitely smirking right now.

“But I suppose with the type of person you are, you wouldn’t believe me unless you saw it with your own eyes,” They say, snapping their fingers, “come, my darling Zandik.”

He raises his eyebrow at that. That definitely caught him off guard, all right, however, what catches him more off guard is the portal that appears in his lab.

He takes one last glance at his laboratory. This chance only comes once in a life time, after all. Even if They aren’t what They say They are, at least he’s getting some entertainment out of this.

He steps into the portal after them. Curiosity killed the cat, or whatever ridiculous saying there is, but he’s in one piece when he steps out of the portal.

He gives himself a quick glance over. No new limbs sprouting from his body.

He takes in his surroundings. He seems to be in a universe with buildings that look similar to Liyue’s but with flying ships and surrounded by more advanced technology than he can take in.

“Look.” The Creator commands, pointing to guards dresses in what he would assume is this world’s armor.

On a side note, they’ve arrived on a huge tree overlooking the middle of a battle.

Some soldiers crouch with their hands over their heads. Looking closer, Dottore can see branches sprouting from inside their armor, (their bodies?), and growing outwards. Slowly, they all collapse and become afflicted with the same condition as them, sprouting foliage from their bodies with a grotesque scream.

Sensing his confusion, The Creator launches into a story.

“Not many people know this, but I don’t create the universes and worlds all by myself. This world was a case where I got bored and decided to create another god, or Archon, as you call them in your world, to have them shape this world instead. Whilst they was shaping this world, they grew more and more attached to the mortals in this world. They approached me and told me that everytime a mortal that he loved past away, their heart grew heavier and heavier. They begged me for a sample of my ichor, believing that if the mortals started drinking my ichor in place of water, they would remain immortal and everlasting, just like me. I warned them of the risk but he stayed adamant. I loved them, so I gave them my blood.” The Creator seemed to wilt in sadness. “Instead of being ‘gifted’ eternal life like they thought the mortals would be, the mortals became struck with a curse where, when they died, their body would start decomposing like it would a normal dead one, but they were still alive. In a last ditch attempt to save their people, the god sacrificied themself to me, hoping that their sacrifice would convince me to help their people. I buried the god in the earth we’re on right now, and the power imbued in the earth was the cause of the foliage growing from the mortals… or immortals now, I suppose.”

“Dottore stayed silent for a few beats after their story, “then if you’re The Creator, will you ever die?”

“It depends on what your definition of ‘death’ is,” The Creator replied, “I’ve died millions of times, over and over again and will continue to do so, but then again, I’ve also never died a single time and will never die. I am not the god of life, death, and rebirth, I am the concept itself. Everything comes from me and everything will return to me in the end because I am everything.”

The Creator slowly removed their veil, and reality itself seemed to break the more of Their face that They revealed. They looked him in the eyes, and it felt like he was looking at everything and nothing at the same time. He could see the void in their eyes, a place of nothingness, but also everything that was happening in the universe at the same time.

They put their veil back on. “Well, did that satisfy your curiosity, my darling mad scientist?”

Dottore could feel his heart speed up, an unfamiliar feeling filling his chest- Oh Creator, is he religious now? Well, whatever he might be now, he thinks hes not so against drinking nefarious bodily liquid after all.

[catflowerqueen]

You know what? I’ll just go ahead and outline my thoughts on why I think getting called “her father’s daughter” could be a potentially devastating insult for someone—likely an enemy—to call Earth.

Again: This is not me saying I think any of this is necessarily true of her character, just that recent events and how certain actions she’s been taking lately could be seen, especially from an outsider’s or enemy’s perspective (at least—her actions given what I’ve gleaned from summaries and what others have said about what’s been going down).

The Creator takes a forcible approach to changing things to fit the worldview he desires. And when people no longer fit that worldview? When the façade cracks and people refuse to play along with his vision? He disavows them. Throws them away.

And… what did Earth do to Nexus? Before they even directly attacked her, and it was completely reasonable of her to feel the need to step back a bit since her actual life was now in danger?

She disavowed them. She threw them away.

Nexus was too caught up in their grief and their very real problems, was no longer being the doting older sibling, said a few mean things about her not being a real therapist—which she’d already said early on that she didn’t even want for that to be her role in the family, before going back on that for some reason later on—and was no longer playing the role she wanted and was used to. Nexus was no longer in a stable headspace to clean up everyone’s messes, and was, apparently, supposed to be “more mature” than Lunar when it came to dealing with trauma and people who hurt them, their family, and trillions of uninvolved innocents—even though Nexus has never had their very real traumas addressed or given aid for or had the chance to heal the way the rest of their siblings have—so when they finally, inevitably broke under the grief and pressure?

Earth didn’t like that, and went by the Creator’s example of dropping the façade of care and throwing them away. And then immediately switching her attention over to something supposedly "better" in the current iteration of Moon.

…Though, at least she was different in that, at one time, she did care about Nexus, while the Creator never cared about her. But that also just might make the pain worse. Because it is one thing to learn that you were never loved at all, and the whole thing was just a lie or a mask someone was using to get what they wanted. To learn that you were always just a tool, or a means to an end.

It is another thing entirely to learn that the love existed, but was shallow and conditional and depended on you lying and putting on a pleasant mask that hid your pain. A mask that only you needed to wear—because your position has always been the scapegoat, and everyone else was already good enough/fulfilled enough in their assigned roles to never even ponder stepping out of them to see if they would be happier doing something different/their assigned roles included messing up and making mistakes or acting "childish" or "spoiled" as a matter of course.

And, on the note of assigned roles…honestly, as others have said, Nexus never should have been considered the older brother to begin with—to any of their siblings—since they were younger than her. And younger than Lunar, by certain metrics, since even though Lunar technically was “reborn,” they didn’t have to contend with any memory gaps and just picked right back up where they left off. To the point that it could be argued they didn’t even “die” so much as just get put in a coma for a long time, especially with how nanomachines were and are implied to work in the TSAMS universe.

…Anyways…

This ended up a bit harsher toward Earth than I’d intended (probably because I decided to stay up and write this after I should have been in bed and asleep), and is probably meaner toward her character than she actually deserves… But, as I said, this is an exploration of why calling Earth "her father's daughter" would be the sort of insult an enemy would sling at her. One of the ones who like to pick at sore spots, use psychological torment, and twist things like memories and actions around to make them appear more sinister than they were in reality.

Do I think Earth reacted badly, and should have handled the situation better? Especially since she had tried to put herself in the role of a therapist? Absolutely I do. Do I think there was any sort of “evil machinations” or deeper meaning behind her actions on par with why the Creator tried to uphold that genial façade for so long? Absolutely not.

I genuinely think she was just overreacting/mishandled the situation/lashed out in her own sense of anger and sadness, and is now just doubling down with how crazy things have still been for her family lately. Especially now that there is a “new” Moon to deal with and Nexus is both out of sight and out of mind... as well as possibly genuinely out of her reach, both physically and emotionally. And she also might not want to reconcile given the whole “they almost killed me” thing. Which… yeah, after that point it is fair that she would be upset and angry and want some physical distance, and I wouldn't blame her for not forgiving Nexus for that specific thing.

It would have been fair for her to want some physical distance after their earlier harsh words, too… it’s just that isn’t what she said she was doing. Had she said/expressed by her actions something to the tune of “I need to take a step back from this for my own mental health so I can have some space to process,” it would have been fine. But she didn’t. She and Lunar immediately jumped to what was essentially disownment, and then didn’t clarify in the next lore video that those were just the harsh words they were saying in the heat of the moment and that what they really meant was they were upset and needed their own mental health breaks/weren't equipped to deal with the severity of the situation.

…Honestly, though, with Lunar it hurts… not exactly less, but at least in a different way when it comes to how they handled things, because they’d always been combative toward Nexus. The only time I remember them genuinely expressing concern or love for them as a sibling was after the daycare got exploded thanks to Ruin during the second October takeover--and that wasn't even expressed directly to Nexus--and then when Nexus and Sun found their way back. Yes, they did run immediately for a hug from Nexus after being rebuilt and getting rescued by Puppet… but then they immediately admitted it was because they’d briefly forgotten that Nexus was “New Moon,” not the original one.

So while their reaction to this entire situation was and is still massively disappointing, I can’t really say it was too out of character for them. At least not the same way it was coming from Earth.

…Hope this made at least some sort of sense.

[ameliawarnerr]

Hi, hope you're doing well. I wanted to suggest a one-shot where the mc had a bad day and starts crying and Jake cuddles her and comforts her.

Here you go. I hope you like it <3

(Requests for Duskwood one shots open!)

-

“Well, what do you want me to do now?” MC asked hopelessly. She felt tied and blindfolded with a million voices tormenting her in her head and not one of them would guide her to a path out of this situation.

Mike looked at her with the same helplessness. Mike was her assistance and right now, both of them were in trouble brought upon by MC's past negligence towards her job during Hannah's investigation.

At last, Mike sighed, “Right now, I think you should go home, okay? You are stressed and-”

“Going home wouldn't change the situation, Mike. We need to answer them.” MC cried out, browsing through the one month old documents she had spread around her desk. “Let's go over it again. May 4, a blond man came in to collect his revised documents. Now, I don't know if I was in the office that day. But he has the documents.”

Mike decided to entertain another round of revision on their end. “Yes, meaning you were present because no one but you could've have given him the documents.”

MC let out a sharp breath. “No one had come in for revision of documents since January. How could I have given him the wrong documents? I mean, there were no other documents I could've gotten confused with.”

Both of them were silent for another five minutes. Mike leaned on MC's desk. “See, this is getting no where. Look,” he straightened, “we'll just apologise, okay? If you feel your job is in trouble, I'll take it upon me. They can't fire me because that's partially your decision.”

Mike had proposed this idea when they had started this discussion and MC didn't fancy it any more than the first time. She didn't like putting blame on someone else. But she was lost. And that was unlike her. It was MC, she always had a way, a solution. That's why she founded Hannah without ever knowing her personally. That's why the group trusted her so much. She couldn't believe she was failing now.

“It's okay.” Mike said on seeing her doubtful frown. “I really don't mind. You should go home now. Rest. I'll take care of the rest.”

MC swallowed her abashment like a solid rock and thanked him with an apologetic smile.

-----

MC kicked off her shoes and stalked into her apartment that she shared with her boyfriend. The apartment was perfect for the two with a cute open kitchen, spacious living room, two bedrooms (one of which they turned into Jake's computer room) and an alluring balcony.

Usually, MC would greet Jake straight away in his computer room but right now she didn't have strength for anything but falling down on the couch. She felt like the biggest failure, tasting the beginning of her downfall.

She adjusted the pillow and stared outside a window at the grey sky. She hadn't bothered turning on the lights. Her head turned instinctly towards Jake's computer room, yellow light escaping from under the door.

Though she couldn't see him, she could feel his presence, feel how she was drawn to him. At last, she picked up her phone and texted him. Apparently she didn't feel good about seeking comfort either now.

MC: I'm home. I'm dying.

Jake was out of his room in an instant. “MC?” He called out in the dark living room, face towards the kitchen.

MC raised her leg from the couch. “Here.”

It hasn't been even a month of them living together but they were quite comfortable in their little apartment. All the time they were yet to spend with each other filled their minds with endless possibilities.

MC sat up as Jake approached her. Her eyes were already adjusted to the dark and she saw most of him in it. His black hair were hard to spot but his flawless skin wasn't. He wore a black tshirt which made MC stare at his arms longer than she intended.

When he was near enough, she began, “Your girlfriend is a failure and she might lose her job so now wouldn't be a bad time to tell her that you can steal money from ban—” Her eyes started to water with the words leaving her mouth.

Jake didn't let her finish her self-degrading speech. He put his hands around her- one around her shoulders and other one on her waist. He hoisted her up and sat on the couch with MC on his lap.

“Oh,” she let out. MC was yet to get used Jake's touch. She hadn't thought his love language would be physical touch which has turned out to be one of the best surprises about him.

MC pulled her head away from his shoulder to look at his face. Jake was already staring into her eyes with concern and softness.

“Three things.” He said seriously.

MC smiled, curious all at once. She was yet to witness this side of him.

“One, you are anything but a failure. The things you did to save Hannah aren't like the crosswords normal people solve in newspapers. It requires skills and training. You did it without training. That's how wonderful your mind is.” He spoke with conviction.

MC's smile widened. She loved how he picked out the heart of her doubt and threw it away.

“Do you understand?” He asked when MC didn't say anything. “I need you to believe it like I do.”

MC nodded, placing her palms on his shoulders. “Yes. I do.”

“Good.” He said. “Secondly, there is no shame in deciding to do something else. If you think you are going to lose your job then perhaps, the job isn't for you. Perhaps, you'll thrive in some other field.”

MC nodded, truly considering what he said. He could be right. “And third?”

“Third,” Jake said, “Yes.”

“What?” MC looked at him, confused.

“Yes, I can steal money from banks.” He said it with a straight face that made MC laugh.

Jake smiled softly seeing her laugh. He hadn't liked the way she looked wan and tired when he entered the living room.

“Now, do you want to tell me what happened or do you want to eat something first?” Jake asked.

“Both.” MC said. Jake didn't directly solve her problem but he gave her the strength to solve it herself. She wasn't going to let Mike lie and if they fired her, she'd move on. “But first,” MC said as she leaned down to kiss him.

A tenderness wafted between them. The slow pace of the kiss was like another reassurance for MC. She wrapped her hands around his neck. Jake titled his neck, drawing her body closer to him with his hands.

Slowly, they ended the kiss. But neither of them let go. They held each other quietly, feeling each other's warmth and increasing heart rate. MC's face buried in his neck as Jake caressed her hair and back with his hands. Slowly, they pulled away. Jake scanned her face for a final time before carrying her to the kitchen island as she sat down, venting about her bad day and he cooked her delicious food, listening to her.

“Do you want me to hack into this blond man's phone?”

MC laughed. “No, I'm gonna solve this one without any hacker intervention.”

But she knew she couldn't live a happy life without this hacker's intervention.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

A Place To Call Home: Long, Long Time

Summary: While at the store one day, unexpected visitors from the reader’s past reappear. Sometimes though you should be careful what you wish for...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 13,600ish

Warnings: language, so much angst

A/N: This one’s a wee bit of a doozy! 

__________

“Does mom like carrot cake?” you asked as you pushed the cart down the baking aisle. JJ shrugged as your dad picked up a box mix. “Guys. Focus. We’re here for ideas, not the mix remember?”

“Why does mom get a homemade cake and I don’t?” he asked, shaking a chocolate mix.

“Uh, your cookie cake was homemade, thank you very much,” said JJ. “What do you think I was doing at Y/N’s the night before?”

“You said you went over there for help with your math homework,” he grumbled, setting the box mix down.

“Oh yeah, she never comes over for homework help,” you laughed, your dad groaning. “He’s so sweetly innocent, isn’t he?”

“He really is,” she laughed as he grumbled, picking up a lemon box.

“Is seventeen when the sass comes out like extra hard? I’m sensing a theme developing with my children,” he said, JJ taking the box and putting it back. “Well…thank you for the cookie cake. I suppose we should do something homemade for mom then.”

“I vote for strawberry,” said Arrow from further down the aisle, Zeppelin rolling his eyes at her. “What?”

“Strawberry’s gross. It should be chocolate.” 

“I second chocolate,” said your dad.

“I think we should do funfetti,” said JJ, Arrow quickly agreeing. 

“You’re tie vote, tall munchkin. What’s it gonna be?” asked your dad. 

“I’m going to have to go for-” You cut yourself off when you saw two figures further down the aisle by the flour, feet instantly taking you closer. You froze when you recognized them, their heads turning when they felt your stare.

“Uh, Y/N?” asked Arrow, your dad quickly by your side. 

“Oh my god,” said the woman, her hands covering her mouth. The man was slack jawed as your dad grabbed your shoulders.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Who-” he cut himself off too when he looked at them properly, his eyes wide. “That’s not possible.”

“Uh, who are these people?” whispered Zeppelin in your ear as you and your dad just exchanged blank stares with the couple.

“This is Don and Brandie,” you breathed out. “My parents.”

“Your parents died,” he mumbled. “That’s not-”

“Is this your family?” whispered your dad. You nodded, taking a small step forward.

“This is really happening?” you asked. You felt a steady hand on your back and looked up, your dad’s green eyes still shocked but smiling down at you. “You see them too?”

“They’re real, kiddo.” You took another step forward and then you were in their arms, being smothered in a deep hug. Your head hurt. It didn’t make sense. Nothing made fucking sense. 

But god did something inside of you heal at being in their arms once more.

Two Hours Later

You were jumping for joy when you got back home, your parents on their way over to talk through everything. It was apparently very long and complicated which you were sort of expecting considering you’d thought they were dead for the past nineteen years. 

But an unsettling feeling overcame you as you watched your dad go to the back porch with a bottle of whiskey the second you got home. Your siblings were gratefully old enough to know how serious this was and decided to head to your house to bake the two different cakes they’d settled on. 

Which left you alone with your dad for the moment.

You opened the back door, finding him looking out at the water, whiskey and empty glass on the table behind him. He was breathing heavily, your heart aching as happy as it was. You walked up behind him and gave him a hug, his body flinching at the touch.

“Don’t be stupid, dad. This just means I have two sets of parents at the same time. That’s all it means. Nothing else has changed.” You slid up under his arm, surprised to find him fighting back tears. “Dad?”

“You don’t have to do that for me, for us. Your parents are alive, Y/N. You don’t-” You grabbed his right side where his scar was with one hand, his bicep where his tattoo for you with the other. He blinked a few times, swallowing thickly. 

“You are my father and Dee is mother just as much as Don and Brandie. You have never been second to them.”

“Y/N,” he whispered, forcing a sad smile. “They’re your parents. You can pick-Ow!” he said when you squeezed him hard.

“My parents have been back for two hours and you already think I’d walk away? Are you still scared that this is conditional love on my part?” His jaw dropped before he squeezed his eyes shut.

“TJ told you I said that a while back, didn’t he,” he said, voice ragged.

“It has always been unconditional. And you…with how much you love me, you’d let me walk away like that to make me happy, wouldn’t you?” He nodded, pursing his lips.

“We love you with all our hearts and that means letting you go where you’re happiest. If that was somewhere else, then that’s all I want for you.”

You caught his chin, forcing him to look at you, his green eyes wet with unshed tears. 

“They will accept you and my family and understand that I am not picking a set of parents…or else they will make that decision for me.” He blinked rapidly as I smiled. “You’ve been my dad far longer then he was. We’ve been through some serious shit. There’s no walking away. You’re stuck with me for the rest of fucking eternity, understand? JJ and I are gonna make fun of you for like eons of the afterlife so-”

He hugged you tight, squeezing too hard but you didn’t really mind. “You okay, dad?”

“Just glad I’m still dad,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head. “You know that you could pick them and I’d never stop loving you, right? You don’t-”

“Dad,” you said, leaning back, catching his smile. “I know. Don’t worry. If they are the kind of people to force me to choose, I’m choosing you. Because I know you’d sell your soul for me. You’d let me go if that’s what I wanted. So please don’t worry. Please?”

“Okay, tall munchkin,” he said as the back door opened again, your mom stepping outside with wide eyes.

“Please tell me I didn’t miss them,” she said. You shook your head, pushing your dad over to her.

“Not here yet. Please calm down your husband. He’s being a worrywart for nothing,” you said, giving her a quick hug. “You know you’re always my mom, right?”

“Yeah…” she said, looking at your dad with a frown. “Oh don’t tell me he thought-”

“Yup. So please calm down my anxious father that I love very much,” you said, all three of you turning your heads when you heard the ding for the gate in the house. Your dad slipped past you inside, hitting the button to let them in and down the driveway. You followed after with your mom as she ducked off to the kitchen, quickly throwing some snacks on a platter.

“Do you want to talk to them alone?” asked your dad when you found yourself staring at the front door. Your race pulsed, breath quickening as memories flooded your mind. Memories of them hurt in the car. Of them dead. “Y/N.”

“No. I…I need you guys to ask questions for when I freak out that they’re…” you closed your eyes, your dad’s hand on your back. You crouched over, hands on your thighs as you breathed in deeply. “I feel like I’m going to puke.”

“We’re right here. You don’t have to do this by yourself,” he said, sounding like his normal self again. 

“How can they be alive?” you whispered as he knelt down beside you, rubbing your back. “It’s not possible.”

“Obviously there are things that happened that none of us know. I know this is…” You forced yourself to look at him, swallowing when the doorbell rang. He tucked your hair behind your ear, smiling softly. “Just listen to them. You don’t have to decide anything or do anything right now. Just listen and we’ll all try to make sense of this.”

You nodded and let him help you to your feet, hanging back while he opened the door. They were in jeans, your dad a polo and light rain jacket, your mom in some kind of flowery blouse. 

“Jensen,” said your birth dad, shaking his hand when he extended it. 

“Don. Brandie,” said your dad, letting the two of them inside. 

“I’m Danneel,” said your mom, scurrying over and giving them each a slightly awkward hug. It was quiet for a few seconds, the tension in the room overwhelming.

“Well this is awkward as fuck,” you said.

“Y/N,” said your birth mom with a stern face.

“I’m thirty years old. I swear now. I do a lot of shit I didn’t use to,” you said, voice harsher than any of you were expecting. Everyone stared at you as you sighed, your dad’s hand on your lower back and rubbing gently. “We should sit down and talk.”

“Why don’t we sit out back?” said your dad, guiding you over to the back door. “Would anyone like a drink?”

“I’ll take a glass of that if you’re offering,” said your birth dad, nodding to the whiskey bottle on the porch table. “I have a feeling we’ll need it.”

An hour later and you hadn’t said much. Your parents were asking your birth parents plenty of questions all while you slumped down in your chair, sipping at your second glass of whiskey. A quiet rage was building inside, the joy of finding your birth parents alive having worn off. Now, all you felt was betrayal. Scars they caused. Scars that took a long ass time to heal. So much pain you didn’t have to go through.

“Can we cut to the bullshit?” you asked, interrupting your birth dad, their four heated gazes on you once more. You narrowed your eyes as you drank, setting the glass down loudly. “So you saw a crime and were witnesses and the car accident was an attempt on your life, right? So let’s say I forgive the whole you two going into witness protection without me because hey, you thought I’d have a better life and would be safer not in it. You were way off base there but say I understand that because I’m a parent. I get it. You want your kid safe. I can get past all of that.”

You sat up in your chair, leaning forward with fury in your eyes, your birth parents both looking startled.

“You were only in witness protection for a few years you said. A few. So why the fuck didn’t you two come back and get me?” you growled. You felt your mom’s hand on your shoulder as your body started to shake. “I can forget the leaving me behind, no matter how much like bullshit that sounds like and I can believe that some of my memories of that night of the accident aren’t real because I know I hit my head and got hurt. But why did you leave me in foster care? I didn’t have these guys yet. I was alone and you left me alone.”

“Because…we didn’t trust the police,” sighed your birth dad, closing his eyes. “We didn’t believe that it was safe to make contact so we didn’t. You’d already mourned us. We weren’t willing…we stayed away to keep you safe. We thought you’d…the murder we saw, those were bad people. People perfectly fine with doing unspeakable things to a child.”

“We let you go so you’d be safe and if that meant never seeing you again, we were willing to pay the price. Only recently…” said your birth mom, squeezing your birth dad’s hand.

“The last of this group that we saw died a few days ago in prison. We live in Michigan and don’t have much so it took a few days to get down here but we came here to find you. We’ve seen online that…that you wound up with a uh, unusual family, but we knew you were still here in Austin and we came to try and find you. We weren’t expecting to bump into you in the store,” he said.

You sat back in your chair, closing your eyes as your mom kept rubbing your shoulder. “Y/N, we know-”

“You two don’t know jackshit about what happened to me,” you said, shaking your head, running your hands over your face, staring them down with wide, angry eyes. “You have no idea what my life has been like. You thought I was safe in foster care?” You scoffed.

“Y/N,” chided your dad but you shrugged him off when he rested a hand on your knee. “Y/N. Look at me.”

You ripped your eyes away from your birth parents, meeting his hard green eyes. “If I were in their shoes, I would have made a different choice and had you in witness protection with us but and I want you to listen to me, kiddo, really fucking listen.” You nodded as he inhaled. “If I thought the safest thing for you was to stay away from you, then I would stay, no matter how much you hated me for it. I can live with a pissed off daughter. I can’t with a dead one. You are a parent. You have a right to be angry but consider that line of thinking before you say something you end up regretting.”

“I…” you trailed off. You glanced down to your lap and sighed. Why did he have to have a point like always? You ran your hands over your face, your dad’s hand on you back. You forced your head up to meet your birth parents faces. “He’s right. You should have taken me with you. I wasn’t safe here. I would have been safer with you because my life was in danger in those places.”

You inhaled deeply. “But I understand you thought it was best. I don’t agree with it or understand how it happened but I get it. And…” you looked over your shoulders at both Jensen and Danneel. “And your choice put me through hell. But I also found a family I love and that loves me. These people are as much my parents as the two of you and you will accept the Ackles or…”

Your birth parents shared a quick look before your birth mom smiled and reached her hand across the table. You took it, surprised at how sweaty it was and the slight tremble to it.

“Your family is our family. Jensen and Danneel took care of you when we couldn’t. We will always owe them for that.”

“And it’s strange for us but we understand, we’re not your only parents anymore,” said your birth dad. You nodded, letting a tiny smile onto your face. “Can we come back?”

“Guys,” you chuckled. “I might get pissed and mad as hell sometimes but you can be part of my life. Of course you can. As long as you understand you gotta share me.”

“We are more than okay with sharing you,” said your birth mom. She stood a bit awkwardly and you took the lead, giving her a hug, your birth dad joining you both.

“Y/N! What’s with the-holy shit.” You glanced over your shoulder at TJ, eyes practically bugging out of his head. He started to form a sentence but stopped, eyes darting around the room. “Are those…”

“Yeah. It’s a long story. One I want to know more of,” you said, swallowing thicky. “If we’re allowed.”

Your birth dad smiled. “You can know anything you want to.”

One Month Later

“And we went out to dinner last night. I can’t believe they’ve never had seafood before!” you said. Your dad grumpily sipped from his can of beer, staring bitterly at the roaring fire in the pit before you. He’d been weird since you came over for dinner. At first you thought it was because TJ was driving the kids up to his mom’s for the weekend and was staying overnight. All three boys were supposed to go fishing in the morning but he wouldn’t be back in time when they were going at first light.

But your mom was being overly peppy too, her usual wit and dry humor lacking. Even when you’d brought up going shopping for a mardi gras outfit and saying she could go crazy on you this year, all she did was hum and re-wash the same plate she already had five times.

“You want another beer?” you asked, throwing a thumb over your shoulder, pointing back at the house.

“Bring down a bottle of bourbon. Strong,” he said, your mom waggling two fingers for glasses. You hummed and went up to the house, barely inside before you were grabbing your little brother in the kitchen and cornering him against the pantry.

“What’d I do?” he said, your sisters pausing as they came downstairs wearing hoodies. “Guys, Y/N’s got that murder look.”

“I do not have a murder look,” you growled.

“You’ve had a murder look since as long as we can remember. It normally means you’re upset,” said JJ, approaching your side. “If this is about the scratch on your car, I did it.”

“No, Zepp did it and I don’t care about that,” you said, closing your eyes. “You don’t have to protect them from me. That’s my job.”

“Yeah well, I’m almost eighteen so tough shit. I’m their big sister too,” she said with a small smile. 

“Then what’s wrong?” asked Zepp, Arrow’s eyes widening in the background. “What?”

“Dad made me promise not to say. Like he told me to take it to my grave,” said Arrow. You crossed your arms, watching her struggle with what to do. 

“Mom and dad have been weird around me all night. If you know why, I want to know.” She groaned, throwing her head back. “Arrow, what’s the secret?”

“Y/N,” scoffed JJ. “Come on. It’s obvious. Mom and dad might say they’re cool with your parents being back in the picture but they clearly aren’t. All you’ve done the past month is talk about how great they are and take them out to fancy restaurants and concerts and stuff. They know you’re paying for all of it.”

“Mom and dad buy stuff for me and TJ and the kids all the time even though we tell them not to. They know we have plenty. Besides, I haven’t seen my parents for over a decade and we want to hang out and do fun stuff like we all do with mom and dad.”

“That’s not the problem. Mom and dad are your parents, not the other way around,” said JJ, Zepp and Arrow taking the opportunity to head back outside. You pursed your lips when the back door closed, JJ stepping closer. “You want the honest truth? We don’t like them, especially mom and dad.”

“Excuse me?” You shook your head, JJ humming. “Mom and dad said they were totally okay and understood they had to share me. They’ve always had to share me.”

“Mom and dad are okay with it. But those people? They left you alone. You were abused because they left you on your own. Do you think mom and dad would have done that to you?” You saw red, furrowing your brow.

“They were protecting me. Mom and dad would have-”

“They’d have taken you with them and you know it. You’re way too close to this to see those people for who they are.” You shook your head, going to the liquor cabinet to get out a bottle, pouring yourself a double and knocking it back. “Y/N-”

“Think what you want, JJ. It’s so easy to know all the answers after the fact. All I know is that I am so damn happy they’re back.” You got in her face, bottle in hand, staring her down. “For the record, loving them doesn’t mean I love mom and dad or any of you less. They’re not some random stranger pretending to be my half-brother. They aren’t some weirdo coming out of the woodwork. These people raised me for ten years. They were good to me. You don’t have to like them but you will respect them, understand?”

She tilted her chin up, narrowing her eyes. “Follow your own damn advice and stop shoving in mom and dad’s faces about how amazing your birth parents are. They’re the people that have always loved you, even when you were a hot mess and had no idea how much your words hurt them. It’s really easy to love someone when they’ve got money and their shit together. Mom and dad got the fucked up version of you and they loved you for all of it. Your birth parents walked away from you before you went through shit. Do you think they would have taken you back when you were the mess you were the day you walked in this house for the first time? Because I know they wouldn’t have. They-”

“Shut up. You don’t know anything, little brat,” you snapped. Her eyes watered but she kept her expression stern, swallowing thickly.

“I don’t want you to get hurt again. And we’re all scared you’re going to and it’ll tear you apart.”

“Well you can stop worrying about me.” You shoved the bottle in her hands, bypassing her and heading for the front door. “Tell mom and dad I’m not feeling well.”

Ten minutes later you were at home, laying on the couch, hands on your face. You’d overreacted and knew it. They were worried about you. It wasn’t a crime on their part to do so. You sighed and reluctantly sat up, muttering when you caught your dad through the window, heading for your front door.

You met him as he went to reach for the door, his face unusually hard.

“Listen,” you said, not liking how he crossed his arms. You stepped onto the porch, pulling the door shut behind you. “I was on my way over to apologize so you can save it.”

He smiled, shaking his head, looking over the top of yours. You frowned when he scrunched up his face.

“You’re thirty years old. She’s seventeen. You know better than to fly off the handle like that.”

“That is not fair-”

“So you didn’t call her a brat?” You looked at your bare feet, closing your eyes. “Why the hell would you say that to her?”

“She was insulting my parents. Apparently, none of you care for them. Instead of telling me, you’re weirdly passive aggressive. Who knows better than to do that, hm?” you shot back. His chin raised up as he nodded once.

“We have never made one comment to you about your parents. Mom and I had a fight before you came over. That’s why we were both in bad moods. Do we like your parents? No, not particularly. But we respect them and so do you siblings. They were not insulted. Your sister shared how she felt and you took it as an attack.”

“You’re the one coming here to attack me right back,” you snapped. He stepped closer, gazing down. 

“I came here to ask you to apologize to your sister. Me not liking your parents is not an attack. Not everyone has to like everyone. We don’t like Rick yet I don’t see you having a problem with that.”

“Rick was awful to TJ. This is so not the same.”

“Y/N,” he said, voice firm. “Let it go. Apologize to your sister and then spend some time with your siblings. They were looking forward to hanging out with you tonight.”

“Somehow I seriously doubt that’s true,” you scoffed. He shook his head, walking away down the path, suddenly stopping.

“You’ll find this out someday but when your kids get older, they realize their parents aren’t superheroes afterall. They’re just human. They lose that magic. But a big sibling? Shit, I still call my big brother when I don’t know what to do. You’re the one that when mom and me are gone, they’ll look to you. They’re all teenagers, kid. They know mom and me, we’re just human. But you will always be their superhero, even if they don’t say it.”

You sighed, curling your toes against the cold concrete. 

“I wish everyone got along,” you said, your dad walking back up onto the porch. He put a thumb under you chin, urging you to look up. You wrinkled your nose when you found his green eyes, gentler now. “I feel like everyone’s mad at me for being happy.”

“No. No we’ll never be upset at you for having joy in your life. We are so incredibly happy to see you like this. But you know us. We’re overprotective and…I don’t agree with the choices they made when you were a kid. It angers me because I can’t comprehend leaving my child behind when there’s danger. So no, mom and I will probably never get over that. But we can try harder to get to know your parents. Mom and I will invite them over, let the four of us try and get to know each other.” You felt large, warm hands on your shoulders, rubbing up and down. “We’ll try. You always tried for me so I owe it to you to actually try with them.”

“Thank you,” you said quietly, letting him pull you into a soft hug.

“Please don’t expect your siblings to though. They will kind and respectful but-”

“I understand,” you said, breathing deeply. “All they see is people that left me.”

He inhaled like he was about to speak but quickly dropped it, stepping back. “Come back over when you’re ready. I’ll save you glass of bourbon.”

An hour later, and many hugs, things were okay between you and your little sister again. You understood her concern and she understood she hadn’t phrased things the way she’d wanted to. Currently, she was was sharing a lawn chair with you, sneakily taking a sip of your bourbon while you munched on a smore.

“I saw that,” said your mom, giving you both a side eye. “No hard alcohol until you’re twenty one.”

“They’re all talk,” you whispered in her ear, getting a laugh from her. “Dad’s going to give you your first beer when you graduate and after that? Pft, they’d be hypocrites.”

“I heard that,” he said, an arm coming down from above you, taking the glass away.

“That’s mine!” you said, watching him knock it back. “She had one tiny sip.”

“It was kind of disgusting,” she said, your dad feigning shock.

“Oh no. You’re going to be a wine girl, aren’t you. I may have to disown you for this,” he said to JJ, avoiding her trying to smack his arm. “You’re slower than Y/N too.”

“We can’t all be perfect,” you laughed, earning a ruffle on the head for it. When your phone rang, JJ took the opportunity to steal the rest of your smore, sticking out her tongue at you. You were about to say something back but you caught that it was from your birth dad. You slid out of your seat, walking away before answering. “Hey dad.”

“Y/N! I’m not interrupting am I? I know TJ and the kids are out of town so your mom and I thought maybe you’d want some company tonight.” You glanced over your shoulder, spotting five pairs of eyes staring back. 

“I have plans. Sorry,” you said, your dad getting up and walking over. “Tomorrow night?”

“That sounds great. Your mother found this restaurant she’s dying to go to,” he said. 

“Yeah, sure,” you said, your dad by your side, making a grabby hand. You handed the phone over, hoping it wasn’t a mistake.

“Hey Don, it’s Jensen,” he said, pausing for a moment. “No, no, everything’s fine. Dee and I were wondering if you and Brandie would like to come over for lunch tomorrow. It’ll give us a chance to get to know each other while Y/N spends some quality time with her siblings…no, no, we got plenty here to eat…one sounds great, we’ll see you here.”

He handed the phone back, letting you say a quick goodbye. 

“Hey dad,” you said, shoving the phone in your pocket. “Thanks for inviting them over.”

“I didn’t do it for them.” He kissed your temple, throwing his arm over your shoulders. “Make me a s’more?”

“You got it.”

Jensen POV

“I thought we were going to enjoy our rare, child free, work free day by laying in bed,” Danneel whined from the kitchen. I sighed, rinsing some salad off in the sink, setting it in a bowl for lunch.

“I know but I promised Zepp we’d fish this morning.”

“You promised me we could have lots of sex. However loud we want sex.” I turned off the water, wiping my hands dry.

“Why don’t we ask Y/N to keep the kids tonight and after Don and Brandie leave, I will keep you thoroughly entertained this evening.” She walked up to me, wrapping her arms around my waist.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” she said, pecking a kiss on my lips. A ping went off, both of us groaning that our visitors were at the gate. “We promised we’d be nice to these child abandoners. Remind me why we said we’d be nice?”

“Because our daughter asked us to try,” I said. Even if they didn’t deserve it. 

Maybe we were too pissed. Maybe we were acting like children holding onto a grudge. 

But god, I’d rather die than leave any of the kids behind. If things were so bad we had to go on the run, you could bet my ass they’d be right by my side where they were safe.

Y/N had too many scars that would never heal all the way because of them choosing to do the easy thing and leave her behind.

And for that, I could never forgive them. But I could try to move past it, at least be friendly with them.

“Jay.” I turned my head, Dee standing close by, eyes worried. “You look like you could kill someone.”

“Just hate that everything Y/N went through could have been avoided,” I said, gripping the counter's edge. “She could have…”

“I know. We can’t change the past,” she murmured into the crook of my neck, holding onto me. “Them being back makes her happy.”

“We’ll just…try like we said we would,” I said as the doorbell rang. Dee left me to answer, taking a beat to put a smile on her face before opening it.

“Hi, guys,” she said, Don and Brandie entering with a bottle of wine and a leather portfolio. I bit back a comment. For some reason, that portfolio made me nervous.

“Thanks for having us over. We’ve been saying we mean to get together with you both,” said Brandie. 

“We know it’s been a crazy month,” I said, nodding to head out to the back porch. A few minutes later we had some snacks on the table along with several glasses of wine. 

And that freaking portfolio.

They weren’t thinking of trying to, I wouldn’t even know, adopt her back? For medical reasons? Was that even a thing? Maybe they were just looking for advice on where to live in the area?

“Jensen,” said Dee, patting my thigh. I glanced up, Dee very aware I’d been zoning out. “Don was saying he’s surprised Y/N isn’t using her architecture degree.”

“Oh well, maybe not in the traditional sense but she has been doing a lot more set design stuff lately. She’s getting a bit hands off with the brewery which is fine with us. Once we saw her doing design work, we could see how passionate she was for it. The brewery was a good stepping stone for her while she decided what she really wants to do. She and TJ do some occasional side jobs for design through word of mouth actually as well. He’s certainly more focused on staying with his firm but maybe someday they’d team up together, make their own business. Y/N’s been freelance but with all the filming work going on in Austin these days she’s actually just joined up with the union,” I said, clearing my throat when I realized how long I’d been going on.

“To be fair we were a tad nervous when she started to get involved with our industry,” said Dee. “It can be rough. But we’re really proud of how she’s handled herself. She doesn’t let herself get pushed around or backed into corners. She’s had some opportunities to get into other areas of it all but she seems pretty happy to stay behind the scenes which is more than fine with us.”

“I remember she wanted to be a cardiologist,” said Don, pursing his lips, voice a bit dry. “Surprised she didn’t do something more…academic.”

“The architecture program was no walk in the park,” I said, feeling a slight tension in the air. “She works hard.”

“I think that’s quite clear to both of us,” said Brandie, swirling her drink in it’s glass. There was an awkward beat, no one sure what to say. 

“All of us care about Y/N,” said Dee, gratefully dissipating the nagging feeling that’d been growing. “Her life changed dramatically when you two were gone and bad things happened to her, things you guys couldn’t have anticipated. Her life isn’t what you or even she thought it’d be when she was ten but I think we can all agree she’s got a pretty damn good one now.”

“And you guys being back,” I said, glancing at Dee, feeling her hand squeeze my knee under the table, “We have a shot to make her life even better which I think is what we all want in the end.”

Don and Brandie shared a long look, something that made my stomach churn. 

“We all want what’s best for Y/N, right?” I asked. Dee was gripping my knee hard, Don and Brandie having some sort of silent conversation before us. 

“It shouldn’t be a hard question to answer,” snapped Danneel. I grabbed her hand in mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“Let’s just all take a breath,” I said, carefully watching Don put a hand on the portfolio. “To be perfectly honest, Dee and I, we don’t agree with the decision you made to not take Y/N with you into witness protection. We can’t fathom leaving behind our kids when there’s danger, especially knowing how it all turned out for Y/N. But Y/N asked us to try and give you a chance so that’s what we’re going to do.”

I turned to Dee, some of the anger leaving her as she nodded. “It’s just hard. I know you guys didn’t know what would happen back then and surely you had your reasons. Jay and I…we know we…”

“We would walk away from them to make sure they were safe if it came down to it,” I said, a flicker of surprise on both their faces. “But we wouldn’t have done what you did. From the little we do know, it sounds like you were all in danger. To us, you left Y/N vulnerable to the danger you ran from. That’s the part we could never do and that angers us. But I’m sure there’s more to the story, a story we’re not owed. But it sure as hell might help us to understand and get past it. For Y/N’s sake.”

Brandie leaned forward in her seat, resting her hands on the table. She glanced at Don who gave her a small nod.

“We know you don’t like us and that’s okay with us, really,” she said, strangely calm. “We get the feeling you don’t necessarily enjoy sharing Y/N which again, we understand. When you signed up for this, you thought we were dead. We know that.”

“We have a proposal,” said Don, sliding over the portfolio.

“What sort of proposal?” asked Dee as I flipped it open, scanning through the words on the page quickly. It didn’t make sense and I moved it closer so Dee could read. From the shake of her head, she didn’t understand it either. “What is this?”

“It’s a contract,” said Don, nodding at the stack of papers. “You two can remain Y/N’s parents with no interference from us. We’ll walk out that door and never speak to her or see her again. All you have to do is provide financial compensation.”

I closed my eyes, trying to wrap my head around what he was saying. “Are…what?”

“We’ll stay away from Y/N in exchange for a payment,” said Brandie. I opened my eyes as Dee held up a hand, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry. I think there was a miscommunication somewhere. Jensen and I are not asking you to stop seeing Y/N. That would devastate her. We would never have her choose,” said Dee.

“Do, do you guys need money?” I asked. “I know you said you didn’t have a lot and you came down to Austin very quickly. We can help if you need it so you don’t have to go back up North. We…trust us, whatever our thoughts are on your past decision, we know how important you are to Y/N and we want you guys in her life. We can help you find a place down here or-”

“Jesus christ,” said Brandie, Don sighing, sinking back into his seat. “Are you two fucking idiots? I’m seriously asking. No wonder Y/N wound up choosing to be a set whatever over a doctor.”

Dee looked like a deer in the headlights and as much as I wanted to get angry for them insulting us, I had no fucking idea what was going on.

“Did we miss something?” I asked, Don tapping the sheets of paper in front of me.

“God, it’s good you’re pretty. Nothing in that head of yours, is there?” he asked, pressing his finger firmly against a bolded number. “Give us this much money and we’ll fucking leave forever, dipshit.”

“Do not speak to my husband like that,” growled Dee. I snapped out of it as she stood, Brandie and Don doing the same. I was on my feet and stepping in front of her without thinking, heart racing as Don pushed the papers closer. 

“We know you have a lot and this is nowhere near that much,” he said, snapping his fingers at me when I furrowed my brow. “Do it or we take this to Y/N and tell her you tried to get rid of us.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” argued Dee, slipping out beside me, their voices growing louder as something clicked in the back of my mind.

“Hey, kiddo,” I said, knocking on the open door to Y/N’s room. She flinched in bed, sitting upright quickly, eyeing me cautiously. She hadn’t done that much recently. Only when I spooked her accidentally. I took the chance to sit on the edge of her bed, glad to see she didn’t shy away. “Dee said you had a rough day at school.”

“It’s Thursday,” she said, her face in a frown. “You’re supposed to be at work. Tell me you didn’t fly down-”

“I only had one scene first thing this morning. I got a long weekend so I came home early.” I tucked her hair behind her ear when she turned away, her head kept low. “I know Thursday is normally therapy with Dee but I’m going with you today.”

“I don’t want to go,” she sighed, shifting herself away. “Please don’t make me go today.”

“I’ll make you a deal. You don’t have to go if you tell me what happened at school and why it did.”

“I hate you,” she mumbled, putting her back to me completely. I stood up, quietly heading for the door. 

“We’ll head out in ten minutes,” I said, shutting the door behind me. I closed my eyes, sighing when I found De in the kitchen. 

“She say anything?” she asked.

“Nothing except she doesn’t want to go today and she hates me.” I pursed my lips, glad for Dee wrapping me up in a hug. “She’s still afraid of me.”

“She’s afraid of being abandoned again, not of you.”

“You don’t make her flinch,” I said quietly, resting my chin on her shoulder. “Four months and she’s still scared.”

“Four months of her having a father who loves her. Don’t you forget that because she sure hasn’t. You know how much she asks when you’ll be home when you’re gone.”

“Just wish she could say it to my face some day,” I mumbled. 

“She will. You’ll be the one she tells everything to. Just be there for her,” she whispered. We broke apart just as Y/N came down the hall. She looked small in her oversized navy hoodie and black leggings, wiping at her face with the back of her hand. She hid it well but her slightly puffy eyes meant she’d been crying after I left.

“Can we go?” Y/N mumbled, going past and over to the front door. She pulled on her sneakers and ducked outside, Dee resting her head on my shoulder. 

“She always feels better after therapy,” I said, kissing the top of her head. “Can you make that pasta she likes for dinner?”

“Sure thing. Go take care of our girl.”

I typically didn’t say much during our sessions. Normally we liked to let Y/N take the lead, it let her feel comfortable talking about important things in front of us her therapist said. It was a slow process but we were certainly starting to see it having benefits. She opened up quicker in sessions and at home she was more vocal. She had her quiet days but it was nothing liked when she first came to us and didn’t say much.

But today, today I couldn’t wait.

“What happened at school with the substitute teacher?” I asked the moment we sat down. Y/N crossed her arms and slumped down into her usual corner of the couch. “Y/N.”

“Jensen,” chided the doctor. “Let’s back up-“

“I got scared,” said Y/N, facing me full on, her big eyes on the brink of tears. “What’s the fucking point of all this if I’m going to be afraid of every adult man in my life. You can’t fix me so you might as well stop trying.”

“Excuse me?” I said, cutting off the doctor, Y/N’s face holding a scary amount of confidence. 

“I’ve lived with you for four months. Four months. I’m still afraid of men. I told you you’re wasting your time on me but you won’t listen to me,” she said, sniffling slightly. She shrugged, her whole body exasperated. “Why are we doing this? It’s pointless. I’ll never be normal.”

“Y/N-” said the doctor as I held up a finger to him, his mouth snapping shut. Y/N frowned but kept eye contact, a tear slipping down her cheek. Somehow my heart ached for her even more than it already had. If only she knew how badly it hurt, I think she’d finally understand how much I loved her.

God, I had to let her know how much I did.

I scooted over on the couch, quickly wrapping my arms around her, pulling her into my chest. She inhaled sharply, tucking her forehead into the crook of my neck, burring her face against my shirt as she cried silently for a few moments.

“I’m sorry I don’t have the right words to say to make your fears go away,” I whispered, her body starting to relax beside mine. “But know that you were never broken. It’s been awhile since someone’s loved you so I know it’s funny to get used again. But I will always, always, love you.”

“You feel sorry for me,” she whispered, keeping her head down under my chin. “That’s all it is.”

“I feel sorry for a lot of people. You have never been one of them.” That got her attention, her head slowly raising so she could look me in the eye. I wiped off her cheek, smiling softly when she wrinkled her nose. “You’re a badass with more guts than anyone I’ve ever met. Why on earth would I feel sorry for someone so fucking amazing?”

“I got scared at school with the substitute teacher, so scared I cried when he yelled at me. How the fuck can you say this is even remotely working?” she asked. I smiled, glancing down between us and back up.

“You used to be afraid of me. How’s that working out?” I asked. She sighed, glancing away.

“You don’t count. You’re different.”

“How?” I asked. She groaned, swearing under her breath. “Come on. I won’t tell anyone.”

“You’re…you, okay? You’re just…” she pursed her lips, closing her eyes. “I know you love me. You tell me everyday and call everyday even when you’re in Canada and…if you were going to hurt me, you’d have done it by now. So it’s not you I’m worried about, okay? It’s everyone else.”

“Okay,” I said, rubbing up and down her back, her head falling back to my shoulder. “So why’d the teacher yell at you?”

Y/N sighed. “I was asking Kelly what page he said to turn to and he yelled at me that I should listen better. He wasn’t even that loud. I don’t know why but it scared me.”

“Isn’t that a phrase your father used when you were a child?” asked the doctor, flipping back through his notebook before nodding. “Yes, in one of our first sessions where we discussed your birth parents discipline methods in comparison to different foster parents we said that was one of your dad’s methods.”

“The whole we’re not mad, just disappointed thing,” said Y/N, nodding with a sigh. “Never thought I’d end up missing that.”

“I’m sorry that must have been one of the sessions Dee was at,” I said, shaking my head. “I remember she gave me the run down but I don’t think we talked about what Y/N’s parents used to do.”

“Like I said, they’d do the disappointed thing,” said Y/N, sitting upright, peeling away slightly but remaining close. “I have my period right now. I know I’m more…sensitive to stuff when I’m on it too.”

Nearly an hour later, Y/N was feeling better but I was most certainly not. I made an excuse about needing to talk to the doctor about insurance, telling her to head out to the truck without me.

“Doc,” I said when we were alone, a concerned hum coming from him as he went back to his desk. 

“You’re quite perceptive, Jensen,” he said, setting our session notebook on his leather desk mat. “Why didn’t you push it when she said her parents used disappointment as a discipline style?”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked, crossing my arms, lifting my chin. “You make us talk about all sorts of shit. She’s talked about getting the shit beat out of her but you don’t push this. Why?”

“We both know Y/N puts on rose colored glasses when it comes to the past and her birth parents. Now we will never for sure but my gut says her birth parents weren’t as perfect as she makes them seem.”

“No parent is perfect,” I said, watching him take a seat in his chair. 

“True. But there are difference between good and bad. Again, this is conjecture, but based on comments throughout different sessions, I do not believe her birth parents were all that great. Yes, Y/N is afraid of adult men but that has toned down significantly in only a few short months. I think the phrase triggered her in school today, not the teacher.” 

I sat in the chair across from him, rubbing my hands together. “It could have been one time he yelled at her as a kid though. We just don’t know. Y/N’s never said anything about her birth parents doing anything to her.”

“It’s just a gut feeling, Jensen. I’m not saying they were abusive, not at all. Just that, behaviors are learned from a young age. Just keep it in mind in the future in case she ever says anything more about their punishment style,” he said. I nodded, glancing down to my lap. “She has made remarkable progress in a few short months. Try to remember that.”

“I just…it breaks my fucking heart to hear her talk about herself sometimes. I wish I could make her see what I do.” The doctor tapped on the keyboard for a moment as I took my cue to leave.

“Jensen,” he said when I was standing. He gave me a gentle smile, one he normally reserved only for Y/N. “You’re her safe place whether you agree or not. What you’re doing with her, it is working. Someday she’ll come to realize that.”

“Thanks,” I said. He hummed, tapping on his keyboard again.

“I’ll send you and Danneel all of our session notes going forward so we can avoid missing things in the future,” he said. I went to leave when he called me one last time. “Jensen?”

“Yeah?” I asked, fishing for my keys in my pocket, realizing Y/N already had them.

“Try not to worry so much. She’s in good hands with you guys.” 

“We’ll do our best.”

I stared at Don, noticing Dee was in a full on shouting match with him and Brandie. 

“What is wrong with the two of you!” shouted Dee. “You can’t just abandon your child because you have to share her with us!”

“It’s a good thing you’re pretty cause-”

“Oh.” All three of them stopped, giving their attention to me. I slowly stood, feeling the bile rise in my throat. It was too much of a coincidence. 

The way Y/N had overreacted to her teacher back in school only confirmed what my gut had been trying to tell me all along.

“You two never wanted Y/N in the first place, did you?” I asked. Brandie sighed while Don rolled his eyes. “You left her behind on purpose. You never wanted to be parents. That’s why you would snap at her as a kid. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Danneel sat down, her face pale as it dawned on her.

“Tell us the truth,” I said. “Tell us the truth and I will give you what you want.”

“Jensen-“ 

“Be honest and I’ll give you what you so clearly want.”

Brandie frowned, crossing her arms after a moment. “Fine. We never wanted kids. Our parents were the ones that wanted them. Y/N was a mistake but our parents insisted on us having her. They even changed their will and made it a requirement to get the full amount. So we kept the mistake. Then they went and died not long after she was born and we got stuck with her. End of story.”

“She is not a mistake,” growled Dee, bite in every single word. “If you didn’t want her, you should have given her up for adoption when she was a baby.”

“It took years to get through the fucking litigation for who got what from her parents estate,” shot back Don. “By the time we had our money, she was too old. So when the chance to leave came, we took it.”

Dee was staring in horror at the two of them while I breathed slowly. “That’s why you left Y/N behind. That’s why you waited years to make contact. You don’t want her. You never did. You want her money.”

“But witness protection…” said Dee, shaking her head. “How would they let you go without Y/N?”

“It don’t work like the movies,” said Brandie, still frowning at us. “She had a head injury. We couldn’t stay and she couldn’t leave the hospital. It wasn’t difficult to convince them to have us relinquish custody when there were odds she had head trauma. Now give us our money and you can have her all to yourselves again.”

I pushed the portfolio across the table, narrowing my eyes. “I’d rather die than give you disgusting people a cent. You kept her for money. Money. Did you ever even love her?”

“How many times do we have to say it? We don’t give a rats ass. The brat should be grateful we even left her the little we did in a trust for her. Money now or we tell her you tried to pay us to leave. We all know who she’ll believe.”

“Get out of my house,” I growled. “And stay away from my daughter.”

“Good luck with what happens,” scoffed Don. In under a minute, they were gone and I shakily sat down, hearing the sound of a car taking off.

“Jensen,” Dee breathed out after a long few moments. 

“I know.”

“If she finds out how her parents feel about her-”

“I know.”

“She thought they were the only ones that ever loved her. It’s how she survived on her own as long as she did. She’ll be devastated.” I nodded, closing my eyes. “It’s worse than her worst fears. God, Jay. We were the first people in her life to love her unconditionally. She’s going to come apart at the seams.”

“I know,” I whispered, gut churning. I put my head in my hands, fingers gripping my hair too tight. “We have to show her the tape from the porch camera.”

“Why?” she asked, her arms wrapping around my waist. I laughed dryly, shaking my head.

“Honey, the second we tell her about her birth parents, she’s going to doubt us. She’s going to doubt that we won’t turn around and abandon her too. It will kill her but she has to watch the tape.” 

She sighed but agreed. Unfortunately, we barely had the thing pulled up before Y/N was storming into the house, face scrunched up.

“What the fuck is going on? Did you guys seriously try to bribe…” she trailed off when Dee turned her head away, wiping at her face. “What happened?”

I didn’t know where to start. How do you tell your child the people they’re supposed to always be able to depend on never wanted you in the first place? All I could do was glance at the computer, Y/N moving and hitting play before I could come up with any words.

Dee and I were dead silent as she watched the five minute conversation, Y/N’s face unreadable. When it finally ended, she shut the computer slowly, staring at the countertop.

“Y/N,” I whispered. “Mom and I love you. We love you so much. Please believe that.”

When her eyes met mine, I swear my soul tore in half. The light was gone from her eyes, replaced with that cautious trepidation from the day we met her. 

“Y/N, honey, we-” said Danneel, stopping when Y/N put her hand up. 

“I need to be alone right now.” 

She was out the door fast, leaving us standing there, no clue what to do next.

“She doesn’t trust us anymore,” whispered Dee beside me. I wanted so badly to tell her she was wrong, that this was a gut reaction on Y/N’s part and it’d blow over.

But that was a hope and a prayer at this point. 

“She needs space so let’s give her space,” I said, pulling her into a hug, holding on too tight. “It’s not us that broke her heart. It’s them and she knows it.”

“You’re an awful liar,” she mumbled. “She thinks we’re going to hurt her too so she’s going to pull away and you know it.”

I wished it weren’t true but I knew Y/N too well. Whatever she felt for us was now shrouded in doubt.

And there was nothing we could do to tell her how wrong she was.

Reader’s POV

One Month Later

“Momma,” said Allie, skipping as we walked around the block and down to my parents house. Honestly you  didn’t even know what they were to you anymore. You loved them but it was complicated.

Your birth parents were dead as far as you were concerned. You told them off and hadn’t seen or heard from them in two months. It was fine with you. You’d lived most of your life without them already and you weren’t putting up with any shit ever again.

But your adoptive parents, Jensen and Danneel…you’d barely spoken a word to them in a month. Allie and Colin still spent plenty of time with their grandparents but there was no more hanging out at their house. No more at yours. Your siblings were confused and angry with you. TJ was suffering silently at the loss of his two parental figures. Any and all communication went through him.

You knew he texted them sometimes but he kept things vague. He loved them but loved you more and tried to respect your boundaries when it came to discussing you.

You weren’t even sure why you’d assumed Jensen and Dee would be like your birth parents. Logically you knew you shouldn’t have done that. You knew they loved you. 

But it was tainted. Instead of feeling warmth from that knowledge, all you did was sick. Someday, somehow, they’d end up fucking you over and you wouldn’t be able to put yourself back together after that. It’d been hard enough with your birth parents after all. Only recently had you started to feel somewhat okay again.

“Momma! It’s Jay!” she squealed. You refocused on the road, startled when he was at the mailbox. His heard turned at the sound, looking as shocked as you did, quickly hiding it when Allie let go of your hand and ran up to him, hugging his legs. “Hi Jay!”

“Hi pumpkin,” he said, returning the hug. He picked her up and twirled her around for a moment before setting her down. “Remember to hold mommy’s hand when you’re walking in the road, okay?”

“I know,” she sighed dramatically. “But there were no cars! I looked!”

“Well stay with mommy until you’re older,” he said, booping her nose. 

“Can we play?” she asked. He glanced at you. You gave a short nod, Allie quickly taking off down the driveway and heading for the bucket of chalk in the garage.

“I’ll pick her up in half an hour,” you said. You started to leave when his fingers wrapped around your wrist. His face was pained as he released you. 

“Can we talk later? If you have time, I mean.” You looked down at your feet, sighing slowly. 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I’ll be back in a bit to get her.” 

Two nights later you were laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling. TJ was quiet beside you, the kids put to bed nearly an hour ago. 

“You okay?” he asked. You shook your head, grateful when he pulled you into his side, face scrunched up. “You can go talk to them and end this anytime.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” you spewed back at him. He tensed for a moment, guilt riddling your veins. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“I think it’s pretty obvious. You’re scared everyone was pretending to love you, not just those assholes.” 

“Not everyone,” you mumbled. “Just them.”

“Why do you doubt them? You heard them on the tape. They love you,” he said. 

“But what if they change their minds?” you asked. His fingers gently grasped your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze. “Every parent I’ve ever had was a monster that didn’t care. Why are they any different? I just haven’t met their monsters yet.”

“You can keep choosing to believe that. I’ll be right here if you do. But you’re in pain. You have to move on from them or let them back in. Those are your only choices.”

“I know.” You sighed and sat upright, wiping off your face. “I’ll be back in awhile.”

“Stay as long as you have to,” he said, kissing your cheek. 

Three minutes later you were in your parents driveway, ready to go inside and have a very awkward conversation. You weren’t expecting to hear music the second you got out of the car though. You wandered around to the back of the house, spotting your dad by the small porch by the path down to the dock. He was plucking at his guitar, singing softly, only a few string lights offering any kind of light in the dark space.

You froze when you recognized the song, feet planted firmly in the dewy grass.

“I’ve done everything I know, to try and change your mind. And I think I’m gonna miss you for a long, long time. Cause I’ve done everything I know, to try and make you mine. I think I’m gonna love you for a long, long time,” he sang quietly, words just barely reaching you. After a few more strums, he set the guitar down, his head going into his hands.

Quietly you walked over, standing at the railing, not looking when you felt his gaze on your back.

“I’ve been so afraid of you and mom hurting me too when I’m the one that walked away. I’m the one that fucking hurt you.”

“Y/N, that’s not-”

“Look at yourself,” you said, turning around, waving a hand in his direction. “I’m a grown woman. You can admit that I hurt you.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, staring out at the dark water. “One time when you’d been here about, three months or so, we made plans to go to that food truck day downtown. Just the two of us. It was a Sunday in February. Do you remember that?”

“Yeah?” you said, standing by his side, risking a glance up to find his focus on the water. “I remember mom got mad at us cause we ate way too much and we had reservations to go out for some charity thing that night.”

“Ah,” he chuckled. “See, you remember the weekend we went. We were supposed to go the weekend before but I had a con I’d forgotten about. I remember calling you to tell you that Friday afternoon I wouldn’t be home that weekend. You told me don’t make promises that I had no intention of keeping. You were pretty sure I lied to you. We got into a pretty big fight about it. That day? That day you hurt me. You tore into me, called me names, all because I was human and made a mistake. Even when I said we’d go the next weekend. That hurt. What’s happening right now? Honey, I miss you like hell but you haven’t hurt me. You’re not doing this to me. Fuck, you asked for boundaries while you work through something that literally no one deals with. No one. I’m proud of you for knowing to ask for what you need right now. Do not think that I’m hurt.”

You closed your eyes, lowering your head as you rested your arms against the railing.

“I’ve been hiding from you and mom because I’m scared. Don’t be proud of me for being a coward.” You felt his shoulder brush against your arm, his tall body solidly beside you. 

“Tall munchkin, you are many things. A coward isn’t one of them.” A light gust of wind tickled your face, followed by a gentle finger pushing your hair behind your ear. “I know you threw them out of your life for good. I know what you said to them. Don’t blame TJ for telling us. He and I made a little pact a long time ago that we have your back-”

“Would you just stop?” You forced your eyes open to find his mouth snapped shut, a curious yet pained look on his face. “I’m an asshole. I cut you and mom out of my life, out of TJ’s life, for no reason at all. Because I’m scared when all I saw on that tape was you and mom defending me, being disgusted with my birth parents. You did nothing wrong and still I’ve treated you like you’re going to turn into monsters too. So stop being the strong dad for one fucking minute and just be honest. I’m an asshole and you know it.”

His eyes casted down to his feet, a long, quiet sigh slipping past his lips.

“Honestly, I’ve always hated that I had to share you with another set of parents. I hated it because no matter how good a job I did, mom did, how the fuck were we supposed to compete with people that were dead. The good ones. The ones where you got to have a normal childhood filled with love and none of this other shit. But then when you were a teen? Well mom and I realized it wasn’t as peachy fucking keen as we thought. Your birth parents were assholes sometimes but fine. It’s hard being a parent and maybe they weren’t perfect but maybe they did their best. We couldn’t know for sure and you were such a good kid that they must have done a pretty decent job with you. But still, we hated it. Hated being second best. We would always have the asterisk next to our names. No matter how much you told us you loved us, there was always a chance you’d stop trusting us. And that fucking happened because of those assholes. I wish they’d stayed dead. I wish they’d never come back at all because you’re ours. You’re my daughter. Mine.”

His face was hard, jaw clenched. “I hate that I’m the first person in your life to love you unconditionally. I hate it so damn much. You shouldn’t have been alone for so long. If I could have taken you at that airport when you were a little girl and kept you, I would have. If I could go back and do it differently, I’d sell my soul to. You’d never have doubted for a second you were loved. I’d give up anything for you and I don’t know how I get you back. It’ll never go back to how it was and I can’t stand it. I want my daughter back and I have no idea how to get you to trust I’m not the monster but that guy that protects you from them. I know I fucked up with your birth parents but give me another chance. Please give your family one more chance.”

You stared at him, watching him swallow thickly. He turned his head away, looking back to the river with a sigh. 

“When I was eight, we went camping,” you said quietly, watching a light ripple in the water below. “We went on a hike but it wasn’t a trail or anything. My parents said they had to use the bathroom and took off. But they didn’t. They left me in a forest. Alone. I was lost for a few hours but somehow made it back to our camp. I really liked stories so I’d snuck some bread and made a little trail like in the fairytale. Ended up following it back. When I got back, my dad was so angry that he spanked me until I was black and blue. I thought they were angry I got lost and wandered off. That’s what they told me. But…it was black bear season back then. They tried to get rid of me and they were so angry I had the audacity to come back unharmed.”

“Why’d you never tell us?” he whispered.

“I didn’t understand what that day was until two months ago. That was the first thought that popped into my head as I watched that tape in the kitchen. The monsters had always been there and I didn’t realize.”

You waited a beat, inhaling the spring breeze. 

“Every father figure in my life either beat me or emotionally neglected me. Until I walked in that house, not a single man protected me. Cole did his best and I am grateful to that man for going above and beyond but he was never my father. I was his job. A case.” You swallowed, a gust of cool wind hitting you both. “I know you’re closed off sometimes. I know it’s like pulling teeth to get an honest emotional response out of you.”

He nodded, forcing himself to look you in the eye.

“There’s this show where this guy stops the monsters,” you breathed out, his face scrunching up slightly. “And they say family don’t end in blood in it. And it doesn’t start there either. And that guy, he’s not always great at expressing his feelings but he feels really deeply, more than he lets on. Because he has a good heart and a good soul.” 

He nodded slightly, inhaling sharply. “That’s the kind of guy that I’d want to be my dad if I got to pick. He’s not perfect but he’d protect me from the monsters and love me and that’d be enough. I’m not greedy.”

“He sounds like he’d be up for the job,” he whispered.

“I think so too,” you said, offering a smile. “She’s kind of a handful sometimes but she’s her father’s daughter after all.”

“He doesn’t think that at all,” he said, nodding to himself. “He thinks she’s pretty fucking amazing.”

“That guy would be a pretty fucking great dad,” you said, shrugging your shoulder. You sniffled, his gaze turning even more worried. When you just smiled back, he looked so lost. “But I picked you instead if that’s okay.”

He finally smiled, nodding his head with a laugh. “Yeah, yeah, that’s okay with me.”

“Good. You’re the only dad I’ve ever had so it’d be a shame to have to change it now.”

“I’m not the only…” he trailed off when you raised your chin, wrinkling your nose. “Okay. Dad position is mine. Understood.”

“You and mom were always my favorites,” you said, a surprised look on his face. “Kids know when they’re loved and when they aren’t. Just forgive me for being an idiot and not having this conversation sooner?”

“I do. I can’t blame you. You take after your idiot father after all,” he chuckled. You bumped his arm, his own falling over your shoulders and pulling you into his chest. He hugged you, hard, kissing your forehead as you felt him inhale deeply. “I was really your favorite dad?”

“You were my favorite since that night in the rain on my birthday,” you said quietly. You buried your face in his chest, his head resting against yours. “I used to feel really bad about it. But not so much as I got older. Now, I should have listened to my gut. My head got scared but my gut never has been. I’m sorry for pushing you guys away.”

“It’s okay. I was getting ready to go over your place and force this discussion anyways,” he said, his body relaxing. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop the monsters this time.”

“Daddy, I was always going to get hurt but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. On that tape, I saw you and mom trying to protect me. That is all I’ll ever ask for. Dean couldn’t always stop the monsters either but he sure as shit tried.”

“Alright, alright,” he murmured. “I see your point.”

You both turned when you heard a thud, your mom standing about halfway down the lawn, a bottle of wine currently sitting in the grass from her opened hand.

“Go hug your mother. She needs a conversation too,” he said, patting your towards her. But you grabbed his hand, tugging him along after you as she stood there, her face blank.

“Hi mom,” you said, her eyes glancing over to his. “Does it help if I say you were my favorite mom?”

“I was?” she breathed out, watching your dad nod with a big smile. 

“I mean, you still are. Honestly between you and him, you wonder where I get it from? Pfft. I get it though. You make the mistakes on the first kid, right?” you said, instantly wrapped up in a pair of arms. “I’m sor-”

“This is all I needed,” she whispered, holding on tight. “Did daddy convince you to trust us again?”

“No. I don’t think I stopped in the first place. Just had to stop being scared long enough to remember you guys are the ones I can go to when I am. After that I just felt sorry for him. He was singing Linda Ronstandt.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “He’s been playing it every night for weeks! Thank god you’re putting us out of our suffering.”

“I see the everybody ganging up on me thing is still happening,” he said, throwing his long arms around you both. “I missed that.”

“You missed it?” you asked as he started to shake his head. “Aw.”

“I missed nothing,” he said, snuggling you harder. You felt your mom pull back, the two them sharing a look for a beat before turning towards you. “Mom and I would like to discuss something with you.”

“It was something we were going to do to try and win you over,” she blushed, a wide smile spreading on his face. “But we’d still like to do it, with your permission of course.”

“Alright. What is it?”

You woke up the next morning in your old room which was quiet surprising as you distinctly recalled last being in the family room. When you trotted into the kitchen wearing a pair of old pajamas and your mom’s hoodie, you found your dad at the stove, humming lightly as he worked on a quiche.

“Morning,” you yawned, hopping up on the counter top and stealing his mug of coffee. You winced when you took a sip of the black coffee, a quiet chuckle slipping past his lips. “Cream.”

“Bad for your heart.”

“But it’s good for the soul which is good for the heart,” you said, taking another sip. “Besides, you put way too much in. It’s called a splash for a reason.”

“I’ll take it under advisement,” he said, glancing down at himself. “I’m trying to bulk up if you couldn’t tell.”

“I thought you were just walking around in sweats and no shirt cause you had sex last night.” His eyes widened as you took a long drag of coffee, your grin growing behind the ceramic as he started and stopped a sentence more than once. “I’m not judging. It’s good to keep active in your senior years.”

“I’m fifty four you little shit,” he said, taking his mug away and knocking it back like a shot. He shook his head a few times, going back to the eggs in the bowl. “How do you even know that?”

“Mom got a little tipsy one night while doling out marriage advice,” you teased, watching him shudder. “Apparently you guys go at it like rabbits-”

“This is not a conversation that is happening at barely nine in the morning,” he said, JJ coming downstairs with messy hair and her usual morning pout. 

“Why are you talking so loud?” she whined. “Some of us are trying to sleep.”

“Dad didn’t know we know about his morning after sex outfit,” you said, a pair of green narrowed eyes aimed in your direction.

“Really? It’s been obvious since I was like, eleven. You guys smash like, a lot-”

“Girls!” he said, ditching the whisk in the bowl of eggs, hands on his hips. “Enough!”

“Alright, alright,” you said, giving him a moment to relax. “Good for you for that it’s still working down-”

He grumbled and grabbed you off the counter with one arm, scooping up your sister in the other and carrying you out to the back porch. 

“What’d I do?” she asked as he set you down on the bench at the table, giving you both a stern look.

“You two haven’t spoken in nearly a month. Now talk,” he said, pausing at the back door. “For the record, your mother is right. Having regular fun with your partner is fun. And your mom thinks I look hot without my shirt on so there.”

“So does a margin of the population,” said JJ, shaking her head. “Something wrong with those people.”

“Agreed,” you said, getting a warning about getting no quiche before he left and shut the door after himself. The fan was on overhead offering a slight breeze in the warm morning air. She shifted away slightly, pursing her lips while she stared at the set plate in front of her. “I understand why you’re angry at me. I went radio silent on mom and dad and I get it. I hurt them and you didn’t understand why.”

“I knew why. We all did. The part we don’t understand is why would you assume mom and dad are going to ditch you too? We never did anything wrong to you and still you assumed we’d be like every other bad person in your life.”

“Because your sister has trauma, honey,” you heard from behind, a cup of slightly creamy looking coffee being set down in front of you. You turned, watching him rub her back as he put a cup of orange juice down for her. “It doesn’t disappear. It just gets quieter. Your sister’s got loud again and it takes time to make it shut it’s mouth.”

“She didn’t have to be such a jerk about it,” she mumbled. He glanced at you, a question in his eyes. You nodded with a smile, his hands resting on her shoulders as she sighed.

“You turn eighteen soon. Try to imagine if for your whole life, not a single person loved you. If mom’s screamed at you to wait on them hand and foot. If dad’s pushed you and hit you and made you afraid to sleep at night. If you were alone your whole life and then finally, right now, some family popped up and said, we’re not like those other guys. We pinky promise! That is a scar that doesn’t heal, kiddo. Your sister fights that feeling that we’ll turn on her like all the others have. She had a moment of weakness which she is more than entitled to. It’s our job to tell her we love her when that happens, not get angry with her. Understand?”

She nodded, glancing at you quickly. “Sorry. I forget stuff happened to you sometimes. You just act so normal.”

You knew your dad was giving you a smirk for that one without even looking. 

“Yeah. Most of the time I am, I guess.” You turned in your seat, raising an eyebrow. “Aren’t you supposed to be making us quiche?”

“Ungrateful children,” he said, ruffling both of your heads. “You two relax and catch up. It’s going to be a bit.”

Ten minutes later you were getting a refill of coffee while your siblings were attempting to toss grapes in each mouth’s on the back porch. The quiche was in the oven and TJ would be down soon with the kids to enjoy a nice breakfast with everyone.

“Y/N,” said your dad, now wearing a light t shirt, his phone in hand as he exited his bedroom. “You still okay with mom and me doing that thing?”

“Yeah,” you said, chuckling when you heard her snore from the room. “Mom said letting your spouse sleep in sometimes is equally as healthy for a marriage.”

“That’s a pretty good one,” he laughed, tapping his phone a few times before putting it away. “Alright. It’s out in the world if you want to take a look.”

“Later. I trust you,” you said, bumping his arm. He ruffled your head once more before following you outside, clasping his hands together.

“Who’s team am I on?”

You laid in bed late that night, staring at your phone as you leaned back against TJ. 

“The post your dad put up was pretty touching,” he said, rubbing your shoulders. 

“It was. They’ve never hidden me but they’ve respected my privacy. But they wanted to do it as a gesture about how much I mean to them. My parents said they’ve never made a birthday post for me or adoption or anything like my siblings. They just wanted to put it out there how much I mean to them.”

“And the donation thing?” he asked. 

“I told them they had to wait until my birthday unless they were willing to put up a link to that fund that helps prospective adoptive parents with legal fees. So naturally they got that sorted out before dawn,” you laughed.

“Still. You could have taken the praise all for yourself for once you know,” he said, kissing the top of your head. 

“You know I don’t like to be gushed over,” you said, his hands swatting the phone away and instead wrapping around your waist. 

“Really? Never noticed,” he said, sliding out from behind to hover over top of you. You smiled, getting a peck on the nose. “You’re happy again. I like that.”

“Me too,” you whispered, closing your eyes when he kissed you gently. “Me too.”

________

A/N: Read the After Shocks Timestamp here!

[wordsandrobots]

I finished IBO recently, and I don't think I fully get why people call Mika and Orga's relationship one of "toxic codependence". That they depend on each other is obvious, but I feel like I'm missing out on why people think their relationship is unhealthy.

(Thank you for giving me a reason to procrastinate on the chapter I have nearly finished but my brain has gone 'nah' over.)

The way I look at it, there are two key levels on which it's unhealthy. These are related but I think it's worth distinguishing them, because one plays into wider problems within Tekkadan, while the other is a deeply personal matter between Orga and Mika.

But first of all, I think it's important to be clear: Orga and Mika's relationship is rooted in genuine care and affection. This is not apparent friendship built on a lie. These two really are together for life and there are many positive aspects to that. We see them joking about early on, Mika making sure Orga eats (whether he wants to or not), the ease with which they operate as a double-act -- and there's a real sense each would be dead before the series began if not for the other.

However, there is also a profound imbalance at the heart of their relationship. I've written before about how that imbalance is inverted compared to what it looks like at first glance; that is, Mika is the dominant personality, with Orga twisting to follow his wishes. At the same time, yes, Mika has absolutely outsourced his decision-making to Orga. No question. It might be Mika's desires and dreams that ultimately shape their path, but Orga is still the one making choices about where to go and who to shoot.

And it's the absolute degree of Mika's surrender that fucks Orga up. Because, to a very specific point, Mika will do exactly what Orga tells him without question. Period. Everybody else's opinions and orders are secondary to the man he's picked as his guiding star in life. I say 'man'; I mean 'boy'. This started when they were kids, after all, which is why Orga's sense of responsibility is quite so thoroughly warped.

As far as Orga is concerned, being in charge means working everything out on his own. Because Mika does not help him. Mika, at most, offers gut feelings for why something should be done; he never provides useful input on how to get from A to B. So Orga internalises that the buck stops with him, that he always has to be the decisive one, always has to have a plan.

It's masked to begin with because Biscuit is there as the angel on his other shoulder, offering useful advice and acting his second-in-command. However -- Orga never actually listens to what Biscuit has to say about the direction Tekkadan should go. That's the central tension in their relationship, in fact. Orga actively expects Biscuit to go along with what he chooses because that's what Mika does.

With Biscuit gone, there's nobody left to make even a token attempt at calling him on this tendency. Eugene utterly fails to, despite having a good set of instincts, because he's too committed to Tekkadan and too easily swayed by other people who seem to know better. Merribit gives it her best shot, but lacks the tools to approach the boys convincingly. Kudelia doesn't see it as her place. And the rest of Tekkadan fall in line over and over, reinforcing Orga's bad habits.

They trust him, is the thing. They trust him to deliver on the dreams he weaves, enough to offer up their lives on his say-so. None more than Mika himself, who literally gives an arm and a leg to make sure Orga's plans come through.

There is a point where this commitment slips out of Orga's control. I'm not sure where to pin it generally but the battle with the mobile armour is when Mikazuki makes it clear he isn't going to back down on the idea of becoming kings of Mars. He's seen Orga latch on to McGillis' offer as *the* destination, their place, where they can all be together and happy. And because he's always done whatever is necessary to see Orga's plans come through, he . . . does precisely that. Even knowing it's going to injure him further. Even with Orga literally telling him not to.

Making sure Orga gets his victory is more important.

I should stress how much this fucks Mikazuki up as well. I tend to focus a lot on Orga, but Mikazuki reduces himself down to a weapon for Orga's sake. To the point of breathing a sigh of relief once he's been sufficiently disabled he thinks he won't have a life outside Barbatos any more. Atra says at one point that Mikazuki is lazy over things that don't interest him -- that includes conceptualising an existence beyond fighting and following Orga. He does have his own dreams (being a farmer, seeing interesting sights) but actually working out how to achieve them after he's given away so much to Orga is beyond him. In the end, he simply gives them away too and chooses to keep following what he imagines Orga's orders would be.

Neither of these boys intended to do this to each other. That's the tragic part. Orga uses Mika as a weapon because it's the smart choice but it tears him up inside to see what that does to Mika as a person. Meanwhile, Mika insists what happens to him comes from his own choices and isn't something Orga should feel guilty over or see as a reason to give up.

And . . . here's where we move from the first level (Orga's no-middle-gear sense of responsibility coupled to Mika's unconditional loyalty) to the level on which Mika personally scares Orga into escalating over and over again.

It's that scene in the Montag Company ship. Or, no, it's not just that: Orga talks earlier about how he constantly feels Mika's eyes on him. Yet it's following Biscuit's death that this aspect of their relationship is laid bare.

I love this scene so much. It has the form of a triumphal rescue from grief, complete with swelling musical score, in much the way Mika often has the form of being the daring protagonist. But the content is Mika being the most blatantly scary he ever is in the entire show. The way he looks at Orga -- the way he always looks at Orga, his unblinking, uncompromising stare -- is at last framed as an overt threat. Mika is not going to let Orga give up because Orga promised to take him to the better place. What Orga wants is irrelevant.

Ah, screw it, I'm transcribing the dub script because it is so, so good.

"Tell me. What do you want me to do next, Orga?" "Hey give me a break. I'm just -" "Look I'm sorry. But I can't stop yet." "That's enough." "Now I wanna know -" "I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH -" Mika grabs Orga by the shirt, dragging him close. "Is this the place you told me about? 'Cos I won't stop. Not 'til we're there. I can't. On that day, Orga, I decided. So. How many should I kill? How many more until we get there? Because I need to know. Tell me, Orga Itsuka! You're gonna take me, aren't you? That's what you told me! What should I do next -?” "GET OFF ME! Orga throws Mika at the locker in the corner and stands up. "Yeah, alright, fine. I'll get you there. Can't turn around now anyway. That's what you want, RIGHT? No matter want kind of hell might be waiting for us. OK? Then I'll do it. And I'm bringing everyone with me." "Yeah. That's right. Take us there. So who do you need me to take out then? And what d'you want me to destroy? 'Cos if I finally get to reach that place someday, there's nothing that I won't do." SFX: lightning and thunder

This is not Mika pulling Orga out of the darkness. It's Mika driving Orga further into it, into a battle that kills dozens and very nearly ends with every single named character dead (in the real world, the commissioning of a second season saved them; in universe, it's stubbornness and pure fluke).

What would it be like to have someone so committed to what you've promised them, they would do anything for you, up to and including refusing to let you break your word? What would that be like if said person was the most dangerous individual you had ever met in your life, because there is a point past having no sense of self-preservation where no line is 'too far'?

That's Orga living with Mika as his shadow. That's not healthy. That's not sane. Orga comes loose at the seams attempting to be what Mika expects of him, and I think he's genuinely terrified of what might happen if he can't.

It goes the other way too. The scene in the ship is one of two times I'd say, yeah, that's what Mika looks like when he's scared. The other is immediately prior, when it seems Carta is going to kill Orga. 'That's what you told me' isn't just a reminder for Orga; it's the closest Mika gets to a crisis of faith. Seeing the one you believe in waver is its own form of terror and Mika has committed everything he's got to Orga. He can't conceive of stopping now.

[I should say, I primarily watched the dub and the vocal performances vary somewhat here even if the underlying intent doesn't. I love what Kyle McCarley does, injecting a note of increasing franticness into Mika's speech, but Kengo Kawanishi hits the volume rise hard on 'What should I do next?', hammering home just how much he needs an answer. Of course, they then both give Mika this deliciously bloodthirsty joy when he gets the one he's looking for.]

I don't know if there's anything Orga could do that would truly break Mika's faith or push Mika to turn that prodigious strength against him. I don't get the feeling Mika is the kind of person who'd ever hurt a friend for real. He isn't cruel and we see how much friendship matters to him (woe betide anyone who hurts the people close to him).

But what these two are actually capable of is beside the point. What matters is what they think of one another and they each think the other is the most amazing thing in existence. Orga sees Mika as near superhuman and Mika sees Orga as fantastically brilliant, and they're both afraid of being proved wrong, so they aim for an impossibility imposed by their mutual expectations.

The further they head down the shortest path to their goals, the more Mika crumbles physically and the more Orga crumbles emotionally. Like an engine shaking itself to pieces as it turns faster and faster. Love, hope, faith, determination -- and no brakes. A mad charge towards destruction.

I don't tend to describe things as 'toxic'. For whatever reason, it's not a word with much presence in my vocabulary. Still, I think it fits here. Mika and Orga's relationship might have been healthy, in a kinder world. It's undeniably the most important aspect of their lives. There's no intention on either on part to cause hurt. But the combination of who they are and the circumstances they are trapped in means they're ultimately toxic to each other.

No matter how much they care or want what's best, the very form of their relationship impedes their ability to grow, cuts them off from those who might be able to help with that, and eventually leads them to their deaths.

-----

Well, that's how I see it anyway. I hope this helped? I think Iron-Blooded Orphans does some pretty brilliant things in terms of presenting fucked-up relationships that have positive aspects while at the same time dooming the participants, so I'm always happy to ramble about that aspect of the show. Or indeed, any aspect of it at all!

[ok-pop-1]

a piñata for your troubles

a goofy ficlet, you can either read it below or on ao3 :)

To say that this is a normal dungeon would be an... understatement.

It's not that there's anything particularly wrong about it, Twi thinks as he squints at the wall. The bricks are uniform(ish), there isn't (that) much wear and tear, it's all as grey and drab as some dungeons tend to be. Objectively, he's just standing in a random dungeon room with the other heroes. It could be from anywhere, anywhen, whatever.

But, it's just...

"Why the hell is there a piñata here?!" Legend shouts, pointing wildly at the bright and goofy horse-thing hanging in the center of the room.

Twi sighs. They'd only just learned what piñatas are last week from Wild, who was extremely distressed to know that the others didn't know about them. And now, in a random dungeon, that should be normal and not weird and which definitely isn't in Wild's era, there's a piñata. Just hanging there. Waiting.

"It be thinkin' ye be needin' an aneurysm." Wind marches forward, ignoring Legend's splutters to pick at the pile of fabric strips hanging below the piñata. "Should we be... fightin' it?"

All eyes turn to Time, who just shrugs. "Maybe?"

"Yes," Wars says immediately after. "We have no idea whether it is safe or not, or what could be stored within it. Better to take care of it before we move on."

'Usually it's just got candy!' Wild signs to the room, though most miss the words.

"We're so fucked," Hyrule mutters next to Twi. "Well, ready for this?"

'No,' Twi laughs, accepting a blindfold from the pile that's being passed around. 'But I'm thinkin' it'll be fun!'

"Uh-huh."

Once blindfolded, Twi is left with the realization that he can't actually see Wild, which means he can't see what Wild would presumably want to say about the best way to fight piñatas. And he's left with the second realization that nobody else can see him, so he can't exactly express that information to the group. Although, now that he thinks about it, Hyrule isn't bad at understanding sign by touch alone...

Waving awkwardly in the air, Twi eventually makes contact with Hyrule. And immediately regrets his decision when an extremely pointed punch slams into his gut.

"Monsters!" Hyrule shouts. "One must've infiltrated just now-- it grabbed me!"

"Attack, aim for the piñata first!" Wars shouts. "But be careful of each other!"

"Should we be takin' off--"

A whack! cuts Wind off, the sound of metal on paper, before immediately being followed by an "oof!" from Legend.

"One of-- those monsters-- got me!" he wheezes from the vague direction of the other side of the room.

Chaos erupts. Twi abandons the thought of using his sword, due to the far-too-close proximity of literally everyone else, and just takes to swinging with his fists. He's pretty sure that there aren't actually any monsters infiltrating their ranks, but it's hard enough to tell amongst the repeated callouts of monster locations.

Eventually, though, one of his fists connects with paper. The piñata.

Gritting his teeth, Twi cocks his arm back and gears up. Sets his feet just-so, prepares to fling himself behind the hit and take care of this possibly-or-possibly-not-cursed piñata in one go. Swings, mentally shouting, imagining the piñata before him, quaking in its papery boots at the sight of his fist barreling down on it.

His hand collides with what can only be described as a metal wall, the clang! of it ringing through the entire room.

"What was that?!" "Time, are you--" "More monsters??" "I found the piñata!"

A tearing sound-- and then the sound of someone (Legend) cackling-- ensues. And then, nothing but utter silence.

Well, not entirely nothing. Twi holds his hand to his chest, because he's pretty sure he just broke every single finger on Time's armor, and his ego admittedly feels defeated by that fact. Oh, and it hurts like a bitch.

"Hey!" Wind shouts. "There only be the piñata! No monsters!"

Huh? Twi (and everyone else, apparently) tug off their blindfolds to stare at...

Seven bedraggled heroes, one piñata lying torn to shreds on the ground, and Wild, sitting with a smug grin at the edge of the room.

'You know,' he says, 'you're not all supposed to put on the blindfolds.'

Shouting sounds from several heroes. Twi drops his head in his one working hand. Lesson learned: next time, ask Wild to elaborate before charging in.

...And ask questions before Wind cheerfully hands you a blindfold. Twi makes sure to note that one, too.