#if necessary i may or may not just... fade into the background. i dont know. i can never predict this shit.

[orcelito]

Painted my nails. Shit camera is shit so u can't see the sparkles well, but it's my magnetic green nail polish. Something a bit on the subtle side for a funeral :p I wanted to go black but. Not pure black.

It's a "celebration of life", as they're calling it. We're not going there to be depressed. We're going there to remember the man we all lost. And he would've Loved for me to have a little fun with it.

[chaotic-cuttlefish]

i need to get this off my chest so bad. cuz i am so frustrated with myself. buckle up, kiddos

so at my last job (a yearlong internship), i had a crush on one of my supervisors (who's like 14 yrs older than me but who cares) and a few days after the internship ended (last May) i ended up telling him over text and i was like "dont worry about responding, ik it's not reciprocated." And he didn't respond, so like. That was that.

a month or so later, i texted him again, telling him i'd moved on and that i hoped it wouldnt make things awkward between us (we're sort of working on a scientific manuscript together, along with a couple other people, but nothing in person at this point cuz we're all in different locations. but like that's why we're keeping in contact). i said i'd moved on, but there was a part of me that still missed him. and the past few weeks i've really been feeling it, not sure why

also some background for this next part: from what i knew about him, this guy goes out a lot, drinks a lot, no idea whether he's an alcoholic but sometimes he'd sorta joke about it

and unfortunately i've been drinking more frequently than necessary the last few months, not like binge drinking, but like i'll have a drink or two most nights, maybe 3-4 once every week or two.

so last night, i was drunk (alone, at home), and for some STUPID reason, i decided to text him, and i said like "hey so you go out a lot and drink, right? at what point do you say you have a problem??" basically i was looking for advice for myself. But then i realized how dumb that was and so i sent another text, saying i wish i could un-send that one cuz it was stupid.

But THEN like half an hour later i send YET ANOTHER text saying i still like him, and asking him to just tell me it's unreciprocated so i can force myself to get over it

no response.

until this morning.

basically he was like "this is my work phone, please keep things professional. These messages are not appropriate and i will not respond to them. If you're able to stay professional i'd like to keep working on the manuscript together, but let me know."

Obviously, that was the proper response to what i said. And since reading that, i've just been. spiraling into a cycle of like "wtf is wrong with me, why can't i be normal about this shit, what was i thinking, i literally ruined everything, i've ruined the way he'll view me from now on"

i am just so freaking mad at myself for acting so impulsively last night, and because i respect him and i care what he thinks of me, and what i did was so immature and stupid and i know the pain and regret will fade with time but right now it hurts like hell.

y'all i fucked up so bad last night

[katherinewilliams221b]

For A Greater Good Fun Facts and Self Assesment (spoilers)

Long Post

What worked and what didn’t:

I think the overall structure worked pretty well. The most difficult part was, with the plot and subplot already created, scattering all those ideas throughout the text in such a way that at least made some sense. I regret not writing more about Mer Yankelevich, I feel like the crumbs I left on the way were not enough; in my attempt to make it subtle it lacked information about her. The key piece was of course her sister, and I should have introduced her sooner.

MC’s evolution. I feel like Kate’s learnt a lot with this experience (I’m not only referring to the Deathly Hallows or Grindelwald) When it started, she was very discreet and kept a low profile, not knowing what to do really, not taking more risks than necessary. And then she ended poisoned and splinching just to protect a document she thought was important. I hope her evolution is noticeable for the reader.

Worldbuilding. Grabbing HP concepts that were forgotten and full of potential, plus a dash of original ideas from me and blending them with muggle features was my absolute favourite part of the process.

On that note, I dont own these concepts: Durmstrang, Igor Karkarov, Nerida Vulchanova, umbrella flowers, fanged geraniums, billywigs, Appare Vestigium, glow-worms, trick wand, chamaleon ghouls, 

If you’ve read the fic and thought: “everything happened so fast” or got a general odd feeling about the timeline it's because I made a series of  monumental mistakes: setting a chapter limit, telling you about it and then tried to stick to it.  At first the idea sounded nice: this is my first “big” story  with complicated components. I should (and I did) do an outline of what I want to happen in each chapter and stick to it methodically so I don't forget what's happening or lose track of the plot. Well...it kind of backfired. So I wrote the first 3 chapters and at that point I thought “okay everything is going as planned, I’m going to put it out there”, bam, instantly cursed. After that it got ridiculously difficult to make the story that I wanted. Why? I needed chapter space that I convinced myself I couldn’t add. Dumb.

The major consequence of this was the lack of character backgrounds. It started out good, but as I kept writing and publishing I realised that I missed some great opportunities to make amazing ocs. That’s Corentin’s fault in a way: he wasn't going to be a major character, really, just a piece to help Kate a bit. But we all fell in love with him so what was I supposed to do? Also, Sheyi Mawut owns my heart and he got just a bit of spotlight. A shame.

I wish I had written more about them, but I think I wasn’t ready just yet to make it even more complicated.I just wanted to prove I could concoct a mystery plot and now that I know I can manage a fair amount of information I think I can take it a step further and deepen new ocs a little bit more.

I’m thinking about the datura series and I know why I got blocked and tired of writing it; it wasnt going anywhere because I wasnt prepared, and I didn’t do the months of outlines and planning that I did with this one. I’ll come back to the datura story one day, subjecting it to a sever rewrite. The ideas are there, I just need to be organised.

Although the chapter limit was problematic it was also a good exercise of managing space and deciding which things were unnecessary for the story. I dont think there’s any filler chapters, perhaps the last ones, but there is important information there too so... However this sentence  from the blog  wordsandstuff reassured me (and I think I did a good job at that?)

If you set out to write 10 parts and you write a fantastic story in 8, you haven’t failed and it’s not too rushed. Concise writing is an underrated talent. Focus on how effectively you engage the reader, not for how long.

I spent more than year writing this! When I started, I had a lot of ideas, I wrote the last two chapters then the first 3 and I really thought it was going to be that way with the rest of the story... okay... lesson learnt. #humbled

Other thoughts:

I received a couple of comments on ao3 that said that they were pleasantly surprised. Maybe I should change the tags because they are misleading? Clearly this wasnt what people were looking for lol.

One particular comment stood out to me and quoting it said:  “You did not choose the easy way with a fiction with so few characters from the fandom.”  And I’ve been thinking about this since I read it. It didn’t occur to me that there were few mystery fics (maybe I should write more things like that? Maybe throwing some power couple detective work 👀 ) In any case, I’m glad  I contributed with something different to the fandom, and the fact that the Charlie bits are very scarce but people who read it still liked it is really flattering.

I wanted to make sure that all the characters had strengths and flaws, I didnt want to severus-snape them so maybe I overdid it with that bit of introspection kate does at the end...

Also, I did the kiss and fade thing twice to mention sex. I know some people dont like that but since it wasnt the point of the story and I havent done research on how to write sex scenes I didnt include them. I have that on my “to learn” list.

Conclusions:

Writing the whole thing was incredible. It's my first ‘big’ project and its not a great work (there are some things I wish I did better, thats what you get when you are an agatha christie wannabe) and not writing more character backgrounds will haunt me to this day,  but I think it's at least good for a first series and I’m proud of it. I loved spending hours doing research and trying to piece together this puzzle. And of course I’m not an expert and I dont want to sound pretentious (like this is my first story) but if you are planning to write this type of genre I can be another source of tips and tricks for you.

If I read the story after a while and I dont cringe, I would call that a success.

FUN? FACTS!

Bakunawa really belongs to Filippines mythology

Snapdragons have different meanings, one of them being: “grace under pressure or inner strength in trying circumstances”

The entrance to Grindelwald’s room was going to be in the duelling classroom, strangely shaped as a triangle. I had this system where one of the round candle lamps descended and lined up with a line on the floor (serving as separation for duels) it created the Deathly Hallows symbol. I couldn’t make that work because it wouldn't make any sense for Nerida Vulchanova to shape a room like that.  Here are some sketches:

Lucius Malfoy was going to appear as the Ministry employee that goes to Durmstrang, but after revising the events of the OoP I realised it was impossible.

Kent Jorgensen was going to be around Kate’s age and the charms teacher and he would have a small crush on her. After seeing some pics of Pen Medina, I rewrote the character completely.

The series was going to be 6 chapters long (I’m glad I decided not to) one for each month. The chapter names were ridiculous: January of Beginnings, February of reputation, March of Students, April of Discoveries, May I? and June of Endings. #tragic

The Dolohov family was going to be a part of the plot but I had to erase that part because it was unlocking another layer of complexity that I just couldnt handle.

I dont remember exactly the chapter but I got really confused with the names Rhode and Hodges and there’s one chapter where I accidentally mixed them (I corrected it I think), but for a while I could stop calling Rhode, Hodges, and vice versa lmao

Here are some sketches that helped me describe and imagine things

Thank you for accompany me in this journey, especially if you endured the process with me lmao. You’ve been here for over A YEAR! <3 Mindblowing

Also I’d love to know your opinions about the way you read the story, I mean, I know some people read it as I published, and some other readers found the story already finished, what are the differences? Should I stop the updating system and drop a story all at once? I know it is difficult to keep up with a complex story if there’s a lot of weekly or monthly gaps between the chapters, so I wanted to know.

Sending you a virtual hug 💜💜

[sasudou]

it feels like gege forgotten about lots of characters or he simply used them for what he deemed was important either way, minor characters will always have a bad treatment in shonen (that i know of) because for another reason that gege is a plot driven person too....

considering that he wants to wrap up the manga as best and soon as he can i dont see him dwelling too much on background characters :/

yeah sometimes background character are just that: background characters. not every character has a continuously important role. some character have an important role for a single arc and then disappear into the background. if you wanted to make every single character consistently important throughout a story, you would end up with an unreadable mess.

utahime can once again become important at a later point in the story, but it’s not absolutely necessary. gege may not have originally written her as an essential part of the story, so her fading into the background would be inevitable. unless he does something later on that establishes her as vital to the storyline (small or large), we most likely won’t get much else on her character.

she needs a role, and she currently doesn’t have one.

[mslloyds-reflections]

Journal 4 - September 20, 2020

How would you modify your classroom management plan in an online learning environment?

2020 has been undoubtedly one of the most challenging times for education in modern history. Education all around the world has been altered to meet the new needs that Covid has brought to the world. The article in this module, “Classroom Routines Must Change - Teaching Under Covid,” points out three important tips for teachers during remote learning, and hybrid learning which many schools are transitioning to. They point out that frequent communication between students, teachers and parents is essential this school year. This is uncharted territory for everyone, and with all of the changes and expectations to the way school will work, communication is extremely important. It can be extremely overwhelming for parents trying to figure out how to make sure their child is doing their schoolwork or balancing hybrid learning schedules, students are experiencing school in a way they never have before and changing the dynamic of the classroom, and teachers are trying to navigate a new way of teaching they have not really been prepared for while trying to think 15 steps ahead of what is currently happening. Communication that keeps everyone informed and up to date is key to teaching this fall. The second point that the article makes is that students still need to be challenged with cognitively demanding work. With this idea, however, it must be taken into consideration that learning digitally is going to be very difficult for some students who cannot easily get instant feedback or help from teachers. Their work should still include the opportunity to analyze texts, work through complicated problems, test hypotheses and have discussions. School work should still be meaningful and help to develop necessary skills while still being accommodated to distance learning. The third point that the article makes is that students will need more support than normal. They point out that students are coming into the fall term with unfinished learning from the spring. It is suggested to do a formative assessment at the beginning of the year to determine where students are at, what they remember and what they still need help with before jumping into their learning.

There are also a lot of changes with how the classroom is structured in general that needs to be taken into consideration. Creating a sense of community is extremely important when teaching virtually. Teachers should create an introduction video as well as provide students with a tour of the online learning platform that they can return to if they need help submitting or locating assignments and participating in general. Teachers also need to be mindful that many students are going to be uncomfortable turning on webcams during whole-class meetings. It might be beneficial for students to hold class meetings with smaller groups or to rotate between breakout groups that cut down the number of students slightly. I think that virtual learning can be an extremely intimate thing for students, which might be why many are uncomfortable. They are sharing their home and their personal lives with classmates who they may not be familiar or comfortable with. Along with these alterations for teachers to make for virtual learning, there is also a new way for students to learn “classroom” etiquette. As the YouTube videos in this module point out, there are many new do’s and dont’s to learning. Staying focused and limiting distractions is crucial to keeping engaged with the learning. Students also need to be mindful of lighting and camera positionings and limiting the amount of distractions they have in their camera that can affect their classmates focus as well. 2020’s learning environment is so different from what everyone knows, and it is a lot of information and change for everyone. 

I personally have found it very successful how most of my courses throughout remote learning have been organized. I am familiar with online classes from my two years at Columbus State, where I elected to take classes virtually instead of in person. In this regard, I am comfortable and familiar with the websites my classes have been held in and navigating a virtual classroom. I have not, however, had to do virtual webcam courses until Covid-19. I was completely unaware of virtual learning etiquette during video classes. While it seems like common sense for most of the pointers, I find myself distracted with animals in my room (or  mydogs popping up in front of the camera) or I find that I’ll forget to turn a light on and end up as a black screen when lighting fades towards the end of my classes. One of the etiquette considerations that I have struggled with the most is keeping my camera turned on throughout class. I know how difficult teaching remotely is for teachers, and not being able to see students makes it even more difficult, but turning on my camera is one of my least favorite parts of remote learning. I am fortunate enough to be able to complete my classes in the peace and quiet of my room, but I become extremely aware of my surroundings when I am in my room. I become uncomfortable showing my room in the background or seeing my wall with patched holes that still need repainted. I even feel weird about my bed being seen in the background if I sit at my desk, not to mention some of the camera angles that can be often unflattering. Sometimes, these little insecurities and anxieties distract me from actually staying engaged with the lesson, so I turn off the camera. This is something that can be remedied, but I know for many students, there are not as many options of places and ways to learn. I also know that teachers would much rather see a students face than a blank screen, so it can be a difficult thing to balance. 

Since I don’t have a field placement currently, I cannot make many connections to the field. I will reflect on my mother’s teaching set up though since that is as close to the field as I am right now (even though the grade level is much lower than the classroom I would be in). When moving to remote learning in the spring, her school primarily went to Google Classroom to house all assignments. She uses the app ClassTag to keep in contact with parents, so she was always updating them with the weekly assignments and tasks, despite there not being many because of the sudden transition. It was difficult in the spring for many teachers to quickly learn how to use a website or an app that they had not learned before, and for many of her urban parents to learn how to use as well. The goal quickly became: get as many students online as you can, and provide them with assignments to do to get them familiar and keep them working on something. Most of the assignments could be classified as busy-work, given out just to keep the students working on something during quarantine, and it was an extreme struggle to get them online and familiar with the websites. In the spring, my mother was only able to hold two virtual meetings which had about half attendance rate (only about 13 students out of almost 30). This fall, however, with a little bit more time to prepare and familiarize herself, my mother was able to set up a classroom space in our basement. She put up a small word wall and her pocket charts that she uses regularly and has transitioned to mostly virtual classes. She meets every morning as a whole group, giving an overview and doing a smaller lesson that all students will need to be present for (usually math lessons). She then has her class broken into four groups who meet at specific times everyday for roughly 30 minutes. During that time, she can provide specialized instruction based on their learning needs, do reading lessons, etc. When students are not in their group meetings, they are to be doing assignments on her Google page. During her virtual trainings over the summer she was also introduced to many resources that she has practiced with to be more comfortable. She created a virtual classroom on google to mimic her real classroom, and that houses all of the links that any student or parent might need. Her virtual classroom links the Google Classroom, the meeting links, reading resources and more. Despite being more confident and being able to have more meaningful and engaging meetings with her students, one of the biggest struggles has been the etiquette portion of remote learning. She has a great system in place with mute and unmute cards and lots of physical gestures that students can do throughout their meetings, but since it is a first grade class, many parents are also present during the meetings. There was one particular incident with a student forgetting to mute herself, and the entire class being able to hear her parent yelling and cursing in the background. I don’t believe there has been any other incidents like that one, but she is also running into the problem of parents being a little bit too involved. During a reading quiz she gave, my mother noticed a parent was reading the test to the daughter. When she asked her to let her child read the quiz on her own (as it was a reading quiz after all), she noticed the student looking up at presumably her mother behind the computer when she was unsure. Being able to accurately grade assignments and assessments for these younger students will be a challenge that she is still working through. I would be curious to see how middle level teachers handle this type of issue as well.

While I hopefully am not beginning my teaching career during a pandemic, I know how crucial it is to be familiar with virtual learning. While I do hope that it is over by the time I have my own classroom, I know that Covid is going to change the way the world works for a very long time, so it is best to be familiar and current with how to teach. While I had always been very interested in having a classroom that is very tech-friendly, I see how useful it can be to have resources saved and have students familiar with an online platform. In my teaching practices in the future, I might look into having a class website that students can log onto to print or turn in their assignments as well as some virtual assignments that they can do. I know that this does greatly depend on where I end up teaching and what resources the district has, but it seems like education was already moving in a tech-friendly direction before the pandemic anyway, so there is no better time to embrace that and learn how to do it than right now. If I was to teach remotely at some point, I think the concept of virtual breakout groups and small group meeting times is extremely beneficial. It not only allows a teacher to work more one-on-one with students, but it helps keep them engaged and offer them more instant support, similar to being in a classroom. Teaching and learning in a pandemic has also taught me a greater appreciation for organization, and in a way, simplification as well. This is a great skill to have in a classroom one day as well, regardless of it being a pandemic or in a “normal” classroom.

[angisam]

Your wild side

Chapter 3: the odyssey

Ao3 (español)   Ao3

tumblr(español): 1  2 3

tumblr : 1  2

Word: 1980

I hope it’s ok writting, bad english

The cell faded and again the forest was devoured by the shadows as if nothing had happened. In order to inspect the damage done to his brother, I have used a blue “pocket” bone that has kept floating in his hand, giving enough light to inspect the downcast monster on the ground. But first of all ….

“SANS … ARE YOU DEAD? MMM …” Clearly not. But it had to make sure, adding to the formula a few strokes with the spear. I had no interest in seeing those dangerous teeth close at face again. Apparently he wouldn’t trouble him so he crouched and began to examine his brother by bringing the hand with the shiny bone. Apparently one of the bones hit squarely on the side of the head specifically in the sphenoid of the left wing the blow had not been very serious but it was enough to make a small crack, nothing that would leave sequels in the future, with Healing magic Or simply over time would heal without problems.

Now that he could see more calmly the physicist of Sans began to inspect his new physique; His face had not really changed except that the gold tooth had disappeared, maybe it regenerated when it started to change? , his ears; As pointy as hairy …. Soft to the touch. Papyrus did not want to admit that he had  long time caressing, them was so unusual for a skeleton. Their paws; Just as hairy as the ears, to the touch could you notice the bones beneath the … flesh? He put the bone on the floor and began to pull his hair away to see what was beneath. Oh, it was something like ecto-flesh. it could see that underneath that translucent magic of reddish color was the bone, although it was complicated to see with so much hair and so little light. As Sans showed in his positions during all his struggle, the morphology of the same had changed to some canine paws. And finally his tail … soft to the touch. ok,was more than clear that his older brother was a kind of werewolf, now came the real problem. Transport Sans to home. How could he reach the privacy of his home in time before his furry brother woke up? It was already a real odyssey unconscious but if he woke up it would be a real headache, the road to Snowdin was long but at least counted on the sentinels that were around the area were already at home (or Grillby) in that sense had freedom . But there was still the detail of the possible fight that could bring the downed skeleton in the case he woke up. After a few seconds of thinking possible Papyrus was agreed that in all the sentry station they had a capture kit; Nets, shovels, lanterns and especially ropes, that would be perfect to avoid another fight, or worse, another disappearance.

He took Sans on his back and began to walk through the woods while continuing to hold the small “pocket” bones in his hand. If it was well located, Sans’s station  is position was more or less 15 minutes from his position.

After being for half an hour walking with a skeleton on top of him, he finally reached his destination. He carefully left Sans sitting in the chair with his head resting on the wooden boards (the last thing he needed was for the snow to blow up before him) began to look for the catch kit between his brother’s accumulated crap, food bags Trash, bottles of mustard, etc. The kit was of considerable size, large enough to carry everything but at the same time suitably small to carry it easily.

Papyrus’s eye lit up and his face was as red as the blood itself as he stared at Sans sleeping peacefully in his seat, raising his fist as he squeezed it tightly, trying to cope with the urge to drown his brother’s mammon with his own hands , When his soul no longer ran the risk of catching fire I took a deep breath and turned my gaze back to the capture kit which was now filled only with bottles of mustard, everything else had disappeared.

he grabbed Sans’s unconscious body again and followed the path, Doggo’s stacion was a few feet ahead. It was better for Doggo to have everything in order, or else dust would cross Snowdin’s air.

When he arrived at the Papyrus Sentinel post he repeated the steps taken at the Sans post, when it was time to open the kit, he found that besides the corresponding equipment there were also dog biscuits, well, it was forgivable. Papyrus pushed Sans back along the table and pulled out the ropes. Two ropes; One to tie the front legs and others to the rear. His sharp mouth was now missing. He could not use the spare strings to obstruct his brother’s sharp mouth, it would be like using a sword to hold the rope that would help you down a cliff, the rope would be cut without warning. Instead I used his long handkerchief, it was still easy to crack, but at least I would have time to react. He enveloped Sans’s mouth with two turns completely concealing it and tying it with a knot from behind.

It felt strange, to see how the other looked like a hunting piece but was a necessary evil thing if he wanted to get as easy as possible. After that he made the heavy skeleton-wolf to his shoulders taking head and front legs to the left with the tail and hind legs to the right beginning to walk light at first and then to accelerate the pace. Right now it was at night time so there would not be many resident monsters strolling around in the surrounding area, although the truth is that it was unusual to see people strolling away from the security of their house at that time of the “night”.

Although clearly Sans became increasingly heavy he had no real difficulty in moving him, he still slept placidly. The only thing that really gave him work was the dilapidated bridge, when crossing a single monster was already pretty fucked but to do with an extra weight was already another level of instability, Papyrus almost jumped the bones when he lost his balance to one side of the damned bridge.

Thanks to King Asgore that in Snowing there were two transport points in the shape of an igloo, one at the entrance of the village after passing the shop and the inn and the other right at home. He remembered that at first he wanted to destroy it, it made him no fun to have so visible access by his house, but he didn’t because according to Sans those transporters were made many years ago with the intention of making it safer for children to go from one place to another of the town and that in addition of no potentially dangerous monster would use such thing. The tall skeleton sigh and caress the other’s skull “GOODNESS THAT I  HAD LISTEN YOU …”. To pass through the city without being perceived would be impossible unlike that in the forest the city was much more alive and it was certain that at some moment of the passage they would meet with somebody.

Already in the entrance of the town with the great poster massacred by the mistreatment of the time it said cheerfully “welcome to Snowdin”. A quick glance made a Papyrus with tired shoulders perceive that the inn expelled light from its windows, he would have to run past unless he wanted the owner of the posara to notice the load he carried, and he did not feel like anyone knew Of this problem (let alone the gossipy sisters …). Once out of “danger” made a quick look around you could see the square in the background but no monster prowling in it.

He started to leave the body on the ground and once finished stretching began to put the skeleton through the entrance of the igloo, had certainly been made for children the entrance was small there was no problem in putting Sans, first the head and then push the rest of the body inward. When he returned to look, he had disappeared, he was supposed to be at the side of the house. All right. Just when Papyrus crouched to enter the teletrancarrier.

“Sir Commander!” His eyesockets remained dark and he felt a cold sweat begin to slide down his skull. They had seen him.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT!?” - I have turned his attention. He was no more than a lizard boy with a  sweater of red and black stripes with hands all over his body, his tail bobbing timidly for happiness. His face held steady in the face of the Commander who had been speechless. Could this child have seen what happened?

“Sir Commander! Sir Commander! I just wanted to say that you and the Captain Undyne the coolest monsters ever ! you are my idols! ”- Papyrus literally thought he would burst with emotion, at least he did not give signs of having witnessed anything-“ ….you would give me his autograph?”-He said timidly, lowering his tone of voice for the shame, he dont have time for nonsense. “I HAVE TO GO,KID” he got up and started walking. He had to get home as soon as possible to pick up Sans. “One day I would like to become a high-ranking officer of the royal guard like you” - “WITHOUT HANDS I DON’T BELIEVE IT"the burlesque tone of the words rush with the lack of sympathy of the same did  a click on the little boy, really Papyrus he didn’t so with malice he simply released it without thinking. When he turned to see the little monster he immediately regretted being a bigmouth. The creature in front of him had his head down and trembled trying to hide his tears, had given him where it hurt him most- "I-I’m sorry m-much sir  * hip * I don’t know what I would be thinking about it and I … sorry for be lost his time * hip * ”- Well done sack of bones … He thought to himself the child was beginning to leave when Papyrus placed his hand on his head as he crouched. The small body began to shiver but kept his head down. “LOOK,I SORRY FOR BEING SO ABRUPT I HAVE BEEN AN INBECIL WITH THAT. DO NOT MAKE ME CASE ”-“ b-but you’re right "sobs * everyone says the same to me” - “KID, DO NOT LET NOBODY REMOVE YOU DESIRES IS THE ONLY ONE tTHING THAT MAKES US STRUTES OF ALL THIS SHITTY” - the body was set straight. yeaf,fir I know that you have to keep your refutation “- Papyrus nodded in affirmation after that the child just ran away happier than it ever was. It wasn’t a lie he had to maintain his reputation even if he was a cold-blooded killer he still had empathy (even though he never showed it) children were the only monsters that could be called "pure” inside this world of shit ruled by the powerful. He remembered how small, silly and naive he was. He thought everyone could be good people, but that very day he got his scar, the same day that brother lost his tooth, showed him the opposite. He understood how this world worked perfectly remembered the pain he felt in his soul for being so stupid in spite of that Sans was always there helping and encouraging him.

When he got home it found the still unconscious body on the floor in front of the igloo, grabbed it again and took it to the shed.

thank for reading ^^

[safe-sane-thin-blog]

READ ME

About myself and this blog

My person and personal background

Im 28 years old and live in the EU. Im 170cm / 5′7 in hight and currently weigh 55kg / 121lbs.

I suffered from Anorexia nearly my whole teenager years until I was about 20. In this time my lowest weight was 48kg / 105lbs and though I never reached an underweight that would make a hospitalisation necessary or put my life in real danger I was really, really sick because of my ED (I still have a heart insufficiency from this time). Sometimes I fasted for two weeks, and I mean zero calorie fasting (only water and supplements). Most times I ate between 200 and 600kcal a day. And I was pretty active in various sports, swimming, riding, volleyball, basketball and fencing each once a week (no workout besides that except sports in school, I never really was into excessive exercising). I was dizzy all the time, I took tons of caffeine and ephedrine to keep myself from passing out constantly (didnt always work), my hair fell out, my skin was dry, my heart was weak because of constant malnutrition and the huge amounts of ephedrine I took. If I would have continued this way I would be dead by now, Im absolutely sure of that.

As you can see Im not which means I didnt continue this way. I cant really explain how I recovered. I had a therapist since I was 14 but not because of ED, it was about other problems. I never sought help, I never got an official treatment for my ED, it was just me who understood I cant go on like this and changed my way. Important: This ist not how it usually works - in 99% of all cases you DO need professional help to successfully fight a ED and I recommend to reach out for such help! Im just telling my own personal story here and this is how it was for me, kind of a miracle.

I started being a vegetarian when I was 18 (not because of my ED but other reasons) and moved (far) away from home, and this was the point my ED started to fade somehow. It took about two years to “fully” (not really as you will read later but pretty much) recover and it wasnt easy but it worked. I slowly stopped counting calories, not from one day to the other but over a year. It wouldnt be true to tell you I began eating healthy, I didnt, but I started eating more and somehow over these two years I managed to not think about it constantly. I could finally eat without this voice in my head telling me that this is bad, that I should feel guilty, that I will become fat.

I studied medicine at an european university at this time which made it easier for me. I didnt finish it, I only studied for three years and then had to quit due to some other mental illnesses but it was long enough to give me some deeper insight of the human body, how it works, what it needs, what it can endure and what it cant. This helped.

I lived like this until half a year ago (January 2017), then my ED came back to me… I suffered from heavy depression all these years and had to take some strong medication which made me gain a lot of weight. Suddenly I was as “heavy” as never before - I weighed 70kg / 155lbs. I somehow learned to live with a “normal” body but I couldnt stand this, this was “fat”. It isnt, I know that, but obviously my ED was never really gone since for me personally it was and I couldnt help thinking again about losing weight, calories, food etc.

This was when my “second” ED started, which is still with me right now. I want to lose weight again, I want to go back to my lowest weight of 48kg / 105lbs, I do count calories again, I do keep record of everything I eat and drink, I do need my scale every day, I do fast sometimes, I do restrict myself. BUT I didnt and dont want to take the same path I took 15 years ago, I dont want to make myself this sick again (and by the way I also just can’t without dying because of the mentioned heart insufficiency) so I tried to find a way to live with my ED as healthy as possible. Which I do now! Important: An ED is never ever “healthy”, theres no way you will be healthy while having an ED. Its in the nature of things, an eating disorder is an eating -disorder-, a sickness, and a very serious one! But there are ways to live healthier than just starving yourself to death. And still losing weight. I think I found a way and I want to share it with you!

What this blog is (not) about

This blog does promote something! First of all: Eating disorders are extremely dangerous, stay away from this shit at all cost! Second: If you already did develop an ED, try to live through it as safe as possible. There is a way to do this, I promise! I know that some people suffering from EDs are just “too sick” to follow this way, that not everybody can survive this illness, that not everybody is able to stay safe - thats not pessimism, thats not telling you you cant do it (quite the opposite), thats just a sad fact. But Im sure a lot of people can do it, they just dont know it and how it works. And this is what this blog is about.

This blog is about how to survive an ED. Its about how to cope with an ED in the most healthy way possible. It is, of course, about losing weight and getting thin as well - otherwise it wouldnt be about EDs. But it is about how to do this in the most “sane” way (a contradiction, I know… thats life, thats people).

This blog is NOT a “Thinspo Blog”. You may find some pictures of bodies I consider beautiful on my Likes page and maybe these will serve the purpose of thinspo to some but this is not what this is about! If you are looking for thinspo, please look somewhere else.

This blog is a journal of my way to cope with my ED and hopefully a source of information as well to some of you about how to stay safe with an ED. And a place for you to ask questions if you have some.

This blog is not for people who do not have an eating disorder and just want to lose weight. Losing weight and having an ED are two totally different things and, believe me, if you do not have one you do not want one! If you just want to lose weight in a healthy way please read (post coming soon) in which I show you a healthy way to lose weight and then leave this blog. This is just for you protection.

On this blog I will share with you what I eat and how much I lose. I lost 15kg / 33lbs in the last 5.5 months. For many of you this might sound pretty slow but thats how it works, losing weight relatively “sane”. There just is no way to lose it faster than this without extremely weakening your body (which is not safe).

On this blog I will share information about what the human body needs to stay alive and to function. About what you have to do to not die! Also what you have to do to lose weight, but without starving yourself.

I dont expect that all of you follow my way, or are able to follow it. If you just cant help (wanting) losing faster, fasting longer, eating less, I wont say “Youre doing it wrong”, I will still be with you and try to show you that it can be different and hope you will understand some day. But if you just dont want to try to stay safe, I cant help you and you are wrong at this place. This is no clinic/therapy, I am no doctor. I cant save you all, Im sorry.

I hope to reach as many of you as possible and if I, by sharing my own way, just save one single person from a terrible fate its worth it.

If you have any questions about EDs, nutrition, medical stuff, whatever about how to stay safe with an ED, just send me an ask.