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kasagia · 2 years ago

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Our little game

~Part 2~ ~Part 3~ ~Part 4~ ~Part 5~

Pairing: Klaus Mikaelson x witch! reader Summary: You and Klaus have been playing this game between yourselves since your first meeting. One day, you two would fight with each other like dogs, and the next day, you would flirt and act like people completely mad with love. But whatever was between you two, you would never lose this game and admit that you fell for him. He would only use you for your power, right? At least that's what you were telling yourself all this time. Words count: 4,2k

I had no idea what I was doing here.

Wearing one of my fancy black dresses, I was staying in the middle of Mikaelson's compound in New Orleans, with hundreds of people surrounding me.

I was definitely making a huge mistake.

But a few hours ago, when my Mystic Falls gang tried (and failed) to kill these crazy heretics who came to our town two weeks ago, I could only think about coming here.

I needed to find a safe place to stay until Damon or Stefan called for my help.

But after hours of driving here, I wasn't sure if I still wanted to be a part of their group. Yes, I loved them all, especially Bonnie, who became my main "witch-teacher" after I found out I was like her, but sometimes I felt used by them. My power was stronger than any typical witch's. Even Bonnie was surprised to see the things I was able to do until my strength was exhausted and my nose started to bleed.

One day, Damon said that I was their greatest weapon. Then I burst out laughing. Now I'm not so sure how much the black-haired man was joking and how much his words were true. But I had to keep the promise I gave myself and stay with them, if only for Bonnie's sake. She would have killed herself trying to protect her friends, and I wouldn't let that happen. After all she did for me, I have to repay her debt of gratitude.

I turned on the radio while driving to nowhere and heard one of my favorite Mikaelson's, beloved, old songs, which was "better when it played at ball without this strange background sound." That's when I remembered Rebekah and her last words before leaving for New Orleans with her brothers: "You know, if your gang falls apart, you can always come to me. It would be funnier to have a partner in crime against Nik."

After a lengthy moral debate within me, I decided to fuck Salvatore's opinion of me and visit their nemesis. If Damon was so smart to make and realize his own crass plan without telling anyone, I could do something really stupid too and spend a week (or more) with Rebekah. After all, no one could control me.

Then it seemed like a very good plan.

Now with so many people around me, I decide that I have made a great mistake.

I totally forgot that four days ago, Bekah told me about the "engaged party" of Katherine and Elijah. (Thank God for my magic. At least I could turn pants and a T-shirt into a pretty dress.) I sent my gift to the happy couple with separate, joking congratulations to Katherine for "entrapping her Mikaelson after a long couple of centuries" without actually intending to attend the party.

Elena and Caroline would skin me if they knew that instead of buying them fancy birthday presents, I spent my money on something special for my best friend's big day.

In retrospect, I'd like to see their faces. They would be invaluable. Especially Damon's.

"My God, look who arrived!" a familiar voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Hi Beks." I turned around to face her.

"Hi Beks? You appear here without telling me or Katherine anything; you hide in the crowd with a mean expression on your face, and all I get after months apart is a simple "hi"?"

"Well, in my defense, I was thinking about bringing you wine, flowers, cake and saying, "I'm sorry, baby," but I figured it would be only a waste of time and my money because you're going to yell at me anyway. Also, your boyfriend would be jealous." she started laughing and pulled me into a hug.

"I haven't seen you for too long."

"Bekah, we were talking yesterday morning."

"You called her yesterday and didn't call me?!" I heard Katherine's resentful voice behind me.

"You look gorgeous, honey. Engagement suits you." she gave me an unimpressed look. "Oh, c'mon. Don't be angry. I'm here now, ready to give you compliments and fight with your fiance's brother, who loathes you. Now, show me the ring. I want to see how much money Elijah was willing to spend on you." she burst out laughing, waving her ringed hand in front of my eyes.

"You realize you're not getting off so easily? Besides, something must have happened for you to suddenly decide to come."

"We can talk tomorrow. Tonight, it's about you and your undying love for her brother." I pointed to Rebekah.

"Talking about my brothers. We'll use some help with Nik's composure for the rest of the evening."

"It is so bad?"

"Yes. He's been following Elijah and trying to convince him to change his mind since this morning." Katherine complained. "He doesn't leave us alone, even for half a second."

"Do you two really think I'm able to "charm" him for the rest of the night?"

I asked, doubts about his supposed affection towards me. Since our first meeting, I and an original hybrid have had a kind of love-hate relationship. At the beginning, we only had short, verbal skirmishes, then it evolved into an open war (he tried to hurt Bonnie, so I gave him a headache and snapped his neck. After that, he used one of his hybrids to crack my car, so I convinced Rebekah to steal his car keys and give them to me. He gave up after two weeks of our teasing and after I (with little of Damon's help) ruined all his dark plans. The original hybrid bought me my own car, trying to bury the hatchet between us.) After a month of these events, the hatred between us began to develop into a kind of mean-companionship. At least no one had tried to gouge out the eyes of the other one anymore. Our "game" developed so much that one day he began to tease me with flirtatious phrases. And it's not true that I choked on my drink and blushed like a teenager from a romance book when he called me for the first time his "innermost, darkest pleasure," whispering it with his seductive tone, which he undoubtedly used for many women before. It was at our school party in the style of the 20s. Since then, I've figured out how to play by his new rules. I couldn't be worse than him.

"Well, you're doing your job even now. He's been staring at you for about five minutes, and you haven't even used any magic. I think we all know why, but you're too stubborn to admit it, so you might as well use his soft spot for you as reparation for your silence for 3 days."

"It's not a soft spot or any other stupid feeling you assume. This is a game."

That was our way of communicating: by circling around, lulling the other person's vigilance, and attacking when he least expects it. At the end of the day, I was just a toy for him—a mortal witch who was never scared of a 1000-year-old hybrid. He proved it after he moved with his family to New Orleans, and I never heard from him again.

"I like spicy stories, but please, keep my brother's kinks away from me. BOTH of you. It's just disgusting." Rebekah shuddered.

"I'm not…"

"Did I hear something about kinks? Y/N darling, it's a pleasure to finally see you here!" Kol suddenly appeared from nowhere. He got closer to me and gave me a strong hug.

"What the bloody hell? You should be on Hayley's tail!"

"Relax, sister. Our brother's formal one-night stand peacefully came back to her husband and wolves. Which means I'm free for the rest of the evening. Y/N do you want to dance with me?" without waiting for any response, he took my hand and led me to the dance floor, where other couples were dancing.

"Alright, what did you do?" I asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I have no idea what are you implying. I just wanted to dance with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time."

"Kol."

"Y/N."

"Okey, okey. Don't look at me like that. In a nutshell, there is a girl." Oh, I've heard about her. I was curious how much of the original's interest in this girl was genuine.

"My God. I never expected to live to see the day Kol Mikaelson finds his epic love." I cut him off with a smirk.

"She is a hag like you, by the way." he continued, ignoring my taunt. "She doesn't want to know me, but she loves me. I just need a little magic of jealousy, and voilà, I'll be kissing her at the end of this night."

"And you didn't think, Sherlock, that acting like this would make her think that you only play with her?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. The gears in Mikaelson's head began to turn.

"F*ck. So what should I do? I've tried everything. Flowers, jewelry, old grimoires, unexpected almost-dating, puppies, cats, and all of this modern stuff."

"The idea of coming to me with a "love problem" is as ridiculous as expecting an answer, but I will try my best because you are kind of my friend and seem desperate. I don't know if you thought of it, but speaking with her and making a true confession seemed too simple, didn't it?" I said it sarcastically.

"You mean… "L" word?" he cleared his throat, ashamed.

"For the love of God, Kol Mikaelson! Do you love her?"

"Of course."

"Then get out of my eyes and tell her, not me." he disappeared as quickly as he had appeared, leaving me alone in a sea of people.

"Little bastard." I said it to myself while trying to get out of there.

But someone made sure I wasn't left alone for too long.

"Hello, my love."

I would recognize that voice even on my deathbed, and I undoubtedly knew that he would someday be the reason for my death.

"Hello Klaus." I turned around to look him in the face. He had grown more handsome since the last time I saw him, which worried me a lot. I tried to hide my unwanted emotions behind a sarcastic smirk.

"If you're wondering if Stefan or Caroline sent their regards, I'm going to have to disappoint you."

"Actually, I'm wondering who I have to kill." I frowned, not understanding him. He swept me into his arms and whirled me about the dance floor as the orchestra played. "I knew you were planning not to go to this party. Katherine was very upset about that."

"So you must have had an enjoyable couple of days." I can't stop myself from interrupting him. He gave me a small smile, shaking his head in amusement. I was so close in his arms that I could feel his every breath adjust to mine.

"You don't usually change your plans, so it's obvious that your bunch of stupid friends must have done something impressively dumb. And quite possibly, it has to do with the emergence of competition vampire's group in Mystic Falls."

"You seem quite well informed, especially for someone who doesn't care about anyone but his family."

"Ouch. As mean as I remembered."

"And you're as irritating as always. It looks like no one changed."

I sighed as I looked around the room. Mission successful - Katherine talks to Elijah. The only problem was that they looked like they were gossiping about me and Klaus…

"Tell me, did you miss me?" Klaus' taunt diverted my attention.

I thought for a moment about how to answer his question. Of course, I missed him. I frequently found myself recalling memories of us in locations where I was at the time. But as I said to Rebekah and Katherine, there was no bond between me and Klaus. We were just two bored souls who were looking for entertainment. We liked messing with people and making fun of them. That's all. There is no feeling involved. But it doesn't mean I will miss my chance.

"Yes." I whispered this while staring into his ocean eyes, never taking my gaze away from him.

He was surprised by my bold, direct statement. He leaned slightly closer to me. His gaze was moving from my eyes to my lips.

"I was bored as no one was trying to hurt me or my friends. Fortunately, Miss Salvatore came back with her own, special family." I got a little closer to him so I could whisper in his ear. "And then we had a new member of our group. Enzo. He's incredibly handsome and was an excellent substitute for your company."

He moved his hand slowly as he extended his arm to encircle my back. Then he dipped me deeply, looking at my eyes all the damn time.

"Be careful, my love. You may fall for him, of course, if you have a heart." he whispered, tightening his grip on me. I held my breath, too enchanted by the moment to respond to his taunt.

I should feel uneasy, distrustful, and disgusted that I am at his mercy, for he could drop me at any moment. Instead, all I could feel was being hypnotized by his blue eyes until he helped me get back on my feet again.

"Every girl would love him. He has dark hair, plays the guitar, and speaks with an English accent. Everyone's type, espessialy mine." I said, when I came back to my senses. If he wanted to tease me, I'd make sure I was a worthy opponent. I just had to keep my emotions under lock and key.

"So your "type" has to have an English accent? It's good to know."

"Yeah, but not as old as some of the people who live here. Also, not this one who wants to get closer to me only to use me for my power."

"You really think that little of me?"

"Is it truly important what I think about you?"

"No, not if you want me to remain a stranger to you. Not at all. But I'd like to think that we are more than we're willing to admit."

"Are you drunk?" I asked, taking a step back to examine him more closely. He began laughing at my reaction, drawing me closer to him once again.

"No, my love. I'm honest. But I'm not sure if there's a big difference between these two."

"You're honest only if you know it's in your interest. Clearly, you want something for me because you've been nicer to me than you have in the last few years. But you have to know I'm not that stupid to let you control me." I got out of his arms and went out in search of a room free of anyone.

"Running away isn't a solution, Y/N! I hope you know that." He shouted as he followed me. We came to a halt as we entered his art studio. Of all the fucking places in this huge villa, it had to be the den of the big bad wolf.

"Katherine has managed to escape you for more than 500 years." I said this without giving him a single, damning look. I much preferred to admire his works.

"Yes. Because she wanted. I'm not sure if you share her desires." He grabbed my arm, turning me to face him.

"What kind of fucked-up game are you playing right now?!" I yelled, yanking his hands away from me. He confused me. We never crossed that unspoken line in our banter. Few months apart, and now he shares the attitude of our crazy friends. That kind of playing wasn't fun at all.

"Did I bring up a sensitive topic? You're not ready to finally stop lying to yourself?" I laughed, mocking him.

"I've never claimed to be a saint." I growled at his face.

"You also never admitted being a sinner."

"That's good I've always wanted to be an anti-hero, then." I whispered, looking into his mesmerizing eyes, not even realizing that as we talked, we were getting closer, as we were suddenly a foot apart. I felt his hand slip around my waist like a snake. He pulled me closer and then I found myself pressed between his warm chest and cold wall.

"If only you weren't such a paranoid woman and suspected me of using you whenever I wanted to get closer to you. Maybe you would understand who you should be scared of and what is truly between us."

"Said the man who murdered his biological father because he was afraid Ansal would endanger Hope."

"You seem quite well informed, especially for someone who doesn't care about me."

"Katherine and Rebekah are gossipers. You can't blame me for listening to them."

"You have an excuse for every circumstance, don't you?"

"It's not my fault you can't accept the truth. Whatever you've been taking today, you'd better take less of it. It's damaging your immortal, ancient head." I started to turn towards the door, but he stopped me by grabbing my hand.

"Don't turn your back on me, love." he threatened, keeping his firm grip on my wrist.

"Or what are you going to do? Dance with me again? You're right, it's so dangerous and horrible that I can't take it anymore." I ignored his warning and tried to leave the room.

He used his vampire speed and pinned me against the door. He leaned in, his eyes closed, and rested his brow against mine. In a silent, peaceful room, our hard, synchronized breaths were the only sound I could hear. My world shrank to just the two of us. The party outside was long forgotten by me.

He rubbed the tip of his nose on mine. I shivered as I got close enough to him for the first time to feel the warmth of his lips (and yet they were so far from mine).

"You have no idea… what you're doing to me."

His deep, hoarse whisper reminded me of who was standing in front of me and why I couldn't give in to my inner, treacherous desire. Before his lips could catch mine in his intoxicating trap (and possibly destroy me for any other men), I wrapped my hands around his neck and pinned him against the door, keeping a decent distance between us.

When he felt a piece of wood on his back, he opened his eyes, looked at me, and gave me an impressive glance. He giggled sinisterly, sending a shiver down my spine.

"For your own good, if you're not ready for a fire, don't play with it, love." I leaned slightly toward him, still catching his gaze with mine.

"Who said I wouldn't be the one to burn you?" I whispered against his neck, placing a burning kiss on it.

His soft, strangled moan after I gently bit into his skin was enough reward for my patience and a sign to stop before things got deeper.

I slowly took my hand from his arm and put it on the doorknob. I smiled on his neck because he was too preoccupied with the feeling of my lips to notice anything. I decided not to tempt fate anymore. Hybrid could easily take control from me (which wouldn't be good for me at all). So I pulled the handle and opened the door. The original nearly fell down because of my sudden, unexpected move.

I left Klaus behind in my haste, casting a quick glance behind me. It was definitely worth it. His look of indignation will stay in my mind for a long time. This battle was mine. We gonna see what future bring.

I walked into the room in a magnificent mood and took the glass of wine from one of the waiters.

"Can everyone get together, please?" Elijah caught everyone's attention. "Thank you. I wanted to thank everyone for coming to our engagement party. Me and my beloved fiance are very happy to see people around us who are wishing us a long, beautiful future." the crowd began to applaud, interrupting his speech for a moment.

"Such a diva." I whispered under my breath as I sipped my wine. Rebekah somehow heard this and tried to hide her laughter.

"But I didn't gather you all here just to talk about my luck. We wanted to announce who, from our closest friends, will be the second-most important couple at our wedding. My best man and Katerina's maid of honor, I don't think it will surprise you that my best man will be my brother Niklaus."

Klaus stood on the stairs next to the couple, wearing his trademark sly grin. He scanned the crowd. His gaze lingered directly on me, and he didn't want to take his eyes off me. The little bastard must have been up to something.

"I've been thinking about this since the day we got engaged, and to be honest, the decision wasn't as easy as it seemed to be. It was my desire to have this person as my maid of honor, but circumstances indicated that, unfortunately, my dream would not come true. You don't know how happy I was when I heard a few hours ago that she agreed. So without further extensions. My chief bridesmaid and best friend, Y/N Y/L!"

Applause erupted around me. It took me a second to recover from the shock and climb the stairs. I was standing right in front of this smug son of a bitch.

"Thanks for asking." I said to Katherine when Elijah ended his speech and people spread around.

"Klaus didn't tell you?" she asked, looking at her future brother-in-law.

The original just shrugged.

"Don't worry, Kath. I won't make a scene. I'm not going to play according to the script of this drama queen. It will be a pleasure to be your maid of honor."

"I'm not a drama queen." the hybrid interjected, frowning.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." I responded, giving him a small look.

"If you're so worried about my good sleep, why don't you join me in my bed, love?" he asked, coming to my side, so I had to give him my attention.

"Ha ha. Not even in your wildest dreams."

"In my wildest dreams, we don't need a bed, love." he said, casually adjusting the strap of my dress on my shoulder. His icy fingertips brushed against my heated skin, right next to my collarbone.

"You're the thousand-year-old father of a little girl. You don't think it's time to act like an adult and not a horny teenager?" I asked, grabbing his hand and pulling it off me.

"Ouch. But then you wouldn't even notice me." he pretended to be offended. He also tightened his grip on my hand without thinking of letting go. I fell into his trap with my own fucking wish.

"Believe me, it's impossible to miss you. I've tried. Many times." I growled, trying to free my hand from him.

"Aw, is that your way of telling me I'm special to you?" he asked, clearly amused by my annoyance. I've never seen such a huge smile on his face.

"Yeah, like a plastic, red punch cup at a school party," he laughed, reluctantly releasing my hand.

I turned to say something to Kath, but then I realized that she had left us in the middle of our conversation. I sighed as I was alone with him again. It's going to be a very long week (or month).

"By the way, when are you going to tell me I'm Katherine's maid of honor?" I asked, favoring him with my look again.

"It must have slipped my mind when you were passionately kissing my neck, love."

"Oh, I remember. You were moaning for me like a street lady."

I turned to leave, but he suddenly wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his hard, well-built chest. He placed my head on his shoulder and cupped the tip of my right ear with his lips. His fangs came out, reminding me of his superhuman strength. Sometimes I forgot that the man I was teasing could easily break me with a flick of the wrist. Of course, if I let down my guard and drop my magic for a moment. We both knew that was impossible.

"Maybe I should return you a favor, and then we will see which one of us is making the most tempting moans?" he whispered suggestively and placed a small kiss under my ear. "What do you think about it, love?" he asked, rubbing his nose against my neck. He took one deep breath before placing his revange-wet kiss there.

And then, when I was burning for even his littlest touch, he just walked away like nothing happened.

I stood there, frozen in shock, watching his receding silhouette (definitely with a proud smirk on his face).

There was only one thing in my head.

1:1 motherf*cker

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marley-manson · 1 year ago

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20 Questions For Fic Writers

I was tagged by @majorbaby, thank you!

I'm tagging @beansterpie @undecimber-of-joy @hetakiba @ofdemonsandangels @yeehawkpierce @hawkfawun @nimuetheseawitch @ofmdmash @quordleona03 @pomegranate @actingcamplibrarian and anyone else who sees this and writes fic and wants to do it, please do and tag me.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

7 fics, 15 works if we're including vids.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

68,280 words!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mash and Berserk are the only fandoms I've ever finished fic in.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Refraction, Snowmelt, Presumed Dead (though that one may be off slightly because it got hit with a kudos bot for a couple hours before I privated it for a day :| Still, idt it's inflated by much), Army Style, and Under the Influence

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yep!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Toss up between Army Style and War Bonds, but they're both variations on the same theme of Hawkeye's friends dragging him into army conformity. Army Style is probably a little worse actually since I do subtly imply that his post-war life is impacted too.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Presumed Dead and Snowmelt are the ones that end with happily ever after vibes. Snowmelt might be the happiest just in contrast to the source material lol, plus Presumed Dead does have a reminder of the issues they still need to overcome, while I kinda breeze past those in Snowmelt.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not to my knowledge. Never gotten any mean comments.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have 2 fics I'd consider smutfics, but I don't think it's really my wheelhouse. I feel like I can write sex okay, but not when the point is just to be sexy. I'd classify the kind of smut I write as thematically driven lol, or character driven. I need there to be a point, even in basic smut, or I can't write.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No lol I don't have the imagination for it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I'm aware.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

idk! I still go back to Fraser/Vecchio every few years, my love for them just doesn't die for some reason. Griffguts definitely wins in terms of content I've created though, if you put all my meta about them together it's probably encylopedia length.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My apostle Guts concept. I'd love for it to exist in full, but I just don't think it's something I can write. Even if I have the ability, I don't have the drive or the creativity to expand it into a full longfic, which I think it needs to be.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at characterization and character voice. I've got a solid handle on grammar, and I think I'm decent at general flow with my prose. I feel like my fics are reasonably readable. And I can be funny imo. I also think my lack of ~poetic soul~ can be a strength, at least for myself, because I personally am not very into particularly poetic writing. I like concrete, in-the-moment action rather than more abstract vibes, and I think my writing reflects that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel like I'm bad at conveying emotion lol. Others have said that they found some of my fics effectively emotional and I'm very happy about that, but if so I think that's incidental of what I'm writing, rather than how I'm writing it. My lack of poetry here is maybe more of a flaw than a strength.

I also worry about my prose being dry, feeling like a slog to read, and/or ungrounded in descriptive detail. I'm inclined towards talking heads floating in a void exchanging dialogue and I have to work to add a sense of setting.

And I have a dismal work ethic lol. I write when and what the mood takes me, I can't sit and force myself to knock out a few hundred words. I have many wips going at once so that when inspiration for one dries up I can turn to another, but I often go long stretches without writing at all. It took me like 2 years to write Army Style.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Idk. I guess I'd say do it if it makes sense for the character and you speak the language or know someone who can effectively translate what you want to say, rather than relying on google translate? Though I feel like you shouldn't include a translation if you're doing this lol, unless it's like, a Discworld or Good Omens fic where end notes are part of the prose style and you're doing something funny with it. It's just clunky in terms of reading experience. Make the meaning obvious through context, or irrelevant but a bonus for multi-lingual readers. Or just use translation convention.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I guess it'd be Harry Potter lol, scribbling mary sue marauder-era fic ideas out in a notebook back when I was 12.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

It's Army Style. I'm still kinda coasting on a warm glow of pride for finishing it lol. It's the longest thing I've ever written, a fair amount of research went into it (albeit reading I was doing anyway because I enjoy it lol), and imo it's honestly pretty good as a Hawkbi character study that balances real history and Mash vibes. Better than I thought I'd ever be able to write a few years ago.

#ask meme #thanks!#btw i mean that about doing this if you want to and i haven't tagged you bc i always feel like i'm forgetting someone

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magpies4nights · 1 year ago

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huh (Dev log # I'M ON 4?!!?!?!)

Hi guys! It’s me, @magpies4days on a different blog! That’s really the only promise I kept. Whoops. That’s why I don’t do promises. Anyways, since the last time I updated y'all, I passed all my finals and everything that was important. Yep, I passed my finals, which seems miraculous, because I accidentally studied the wrong study guide for my history exam and didn't really sleep enough the night before, and I got a 90 on it, which I'll be honest, that was the lowest grade I've ever gotten on a test in that class, but it's still an A so I won't cry about it. I turned in a really shitty essay too for one of my classes, but it seems that my professor didn’t actually read it because she gave me a 100 (ain’t gonna complain about that). I also procrastinated so hard on my graphic design final that I did it in like 3 hours and finished it 2 minutes before it was late. I still turned it in 5 minutes late because my computer decided it was funny to start acting up. Oh well, I passed that class, even for honor's standards. Normally I would be happy getting a B because I'd get a C and still celebrate but unfortunately I slayed too hard that my GPA was the minimum requirement for the Honor's organization to notice me. That's the Thinker in my Myers Briggs type showing baybee (JK JK I'm an INFP (unfortunately.)). Anyways, I’m on my winter break, and as much as I love getting breaks, god I forgot how much I hate summer and winter breaks. Summer breaks make me depressed because I have nothing to do, and winter breaks make me depressed because it’s literally the worst season of the year (cold weather (I have cold urticaria), dry air, less sun, the position of the sun is weird, and d3 barely does anything).

Anyways, onto the actual dev stuff. I probably should’ve figured this out the moment I started my idea, but I found out that to export my game to Mac, I’d have to have a developer id and pay for it. Which now I understand why most indie devs never upload to Mac. Oh well. (Fun fact: Mac actually has a feature called BootCamp which lets you portion your hard drive to allow you to have a Windows driver (Be wise on your portioning though because it’s permanent). I found this out when I was 16 and trying to download Pizza Tower demos. Totally not saying that so you could play it on your “Mac,” *wink wink*).

I had to switch my dialog stuff from a script I found on the internet, to an add-on that most Godot devs use ( Dialogic). I know. I am awful. However, there is a reason to this, and it’s entirely because I am an idiot. I have experimented with how Godot exports JSONs, and as it turns out, the images nor the audio would load! The text would, but it’s just not the same, especially when the dialog box is supposed to change with the character speaking. While it could be something in my code that is causing this to happen, or I'm forgetting to export something else while checking off all the boxes, it still gives me a headache and I decided it was for the best to switch. I may not be able to code for now, but there may be a day when I can. Hopefully. I had to change the layout of the dialog stuff because Dialogic kinda makes it like a visual novel kinda thing. I decided to torture myself and make everyone have different heights. Don't worry, everyone has relatively normal heights. Except for mayyybe Sleepy Weepy. They're like 6'2 (which may mean there's some cutoff for their sprites).

Aaaaanyways, enough about me suffering about dialog again. I’ve been working on the beginning and ending cutscene so that I can first torture everyone with 5 minutes of dialog in the beginning and then at the end music with text that may give people a hard time reading the lyrics. The animation isn’t done, but the text kinda is??? I’ll have to revise it like I have the past 56 times because my future self is hard to please, and I think everyone is out of character except Xandra.

Yeahhh, that’s about it so far. I made new music while I was being harassed with finals. Take a gander, but with your ears. Or don't, forcing you is unethical.

Top 10 Sleepy Weepy of all time!!!!! (This is doesn't even make it in the honorable mentions)

#gasa4 #fan game #fan made music #gasa4sc #gasa4 snackcore #gasa4 sleepy weepy #Scaperat

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nathank77 · 9 months ago

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4/7/24

6:18 p.m Edited at 7:01 p.m

I slept until like 5:30 p.m. at least I got around 8 hours... I took a Benadryl last night at 8:30 a.m cause I wasn't seeing any mental pictures.

I must passed out around 9:15-9:30 a.m. so I got enough sleep thankfully. I hate having to throw in Benadryl but the glasses were driving me crazy.

I think I'm going to call them and get a replacement for the rimless. I'm going to ask for another pair of Beaus. Then it'll be a win-win.

I'm waiting on a refund of over 100$. That'll make going to lens crafter possible. However I got to wait like 10 business days or something.

I'm still considering getting the kohls purchase with a pair of shoes now. It would be like 217$ with sneakers, white Adidas high tops, 12 pairs of under armour boxers and 6 pairs of socks. Maybe I'll cut out the socks it'll bring down the cost.

However I want to be able to go to the Southbury Tango soon.. but looking at the pictures turns me off, I want to see the girl of my dreams there or at least find a pretty girl I could start to talk to.

I'm going to spend the day debating whether using the kohls cash makes sense or if I should let it expire. The more boxers I get, the less wear and tear each pair takes. When I got 30 pairs of boxers ranging from Adidas to under amour they lasted like 7 years, cause I mean they got washed and worn like once or twice a month. Quality/quantity does make a difference. It would be nice to pack away all my stretched out mediums..

If I do the kohls purchase I could take all my stretched out mediums and put them in the attic. And once I get my refund I could make a 100$ payment to my credit line..

Or I could forgo this and check kohl's often for deals again.. although I like the white Adidas- they'd be my "shit" pair. I would wear them everywhere and only wear my black ones when I do something I want to look nice for, preserving them longer.

However then lens crafters is out of the picture for a longer time. I suppose if I get another pair of beau for free to replace the rimless, I'll be happier.

Do I really need to spent 300$ at len crafters? When I have 2 pairs of cheek touching Ray-Bans and 2 pairs of beaus. A tight pair of rimless and an ugly pair of Craig's..... I mean and the overheads if they fit....

I mean it would be ideal. I would probably go to Bristol or west farms... I got to go to west farms for the apple store anyways... and I could see what being fitted for comfortable frames cost. Without an eye exam. I don't need a brand. I care about brands for clothing cause I'm weird, I mean tbh branded clothing makes me look less poor, beyond that they are a popular brand bc they are made of good quality...for glasses, I mean especially at lens crafters, I could get the yearly protection plan, I would pay 34$ more and if I broke the lens or frames I'd pay a small copay like 25$ to have it replaced. They would fit my face, my focal point would be accurate but i couldn't put it on a credit line.... I'd have to actually swipe my card there...

Does buying the kohls purchase stop me from buying the lens crafters glasses? Sorta but not entirely. When I get my refund I can apply the entire refund to my credit line. Then I'd be paid down to like 340$.. and I'd have to like August.. it could stop me.

What's more exciting? Well it's debatable the kohls cash helps, I love comfortable boxers. Two pairs of sneakers in total is helpful. I won't need boxers or shoes or socks for a while. Boxers for like 5 years, socks for at least 2 years, shoes for a year at least...

But glasses man, I want my focal point right. I want the lense width, the lense height and the hinge to hinge width to be accurate and comfortable...... yet I can't buy lens crafters glasses online and use my credit line otherwise I'm once again buying, "online" glasses. I really need to be fitted. Maybe I can get my thick black frames.

I got a lot to think about and consider. Idk if I'll game. Idk what I'm going to do. I got to shower, set up my sleeping pill and brush my teeth later after my second meal. That's the extent of my list of things I actually have to do..

Maybe I'll game and hallucinate more. Maybe I'll watch mindless trash for TV and barely hallucinate.. I'll go over my retail therapy options.

Lens crafters, seems like the obv choice until I got to take my card out and swipe...

Lens crafters will absolutely make the southbury tango impossible for a while... or any meet up group at that rate... that costs money.

Kohls will put me out but I can pay that remainder out and still maybe do the southbury tango... by May....

So yea I'm just going to think everything over. I got my prescription in march and the longer I wait to get glasses at lens crafters the less wear time I get on the frames and lenses bc I get a new script March 2025.... that's the issue... I'll have years of wear time on my kohls purchase though.

About Elise- I feel like maybe I'm just having 500 visual hallucinations... now it's just her wedding photos. Do I believe in us romantically? Idk maybe I scared her away.... maybe she was like it was always friendship. Maybe she was like you're absolutely never going to be apart of my family even as a friend. Either way as long as she's happy that's all that matters to me.

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jerzwriter · 2 years ago

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Yeah, 3 is not happening... lol

This was difficult, and I'm sure when I read some stories I have yet to read, there will be others I'd like to add... but for now:

Nigel Brooks - AVSP - Nighel has to be THE most underrated friend in the Choices universe. He is fun, spunky, loyal, and stylish... we would sit at outdoor cafes and people-watch for hours, then drive around and blast music and just have so much fun! He reminds me of a lot of my RL friends, and I love him for it.

Bryce Lahela - OH - I adore Bryce, but for my personality, I'd adore him more as a best friend than an LI. It would be a fun, flirty friendship that would appear light to the casual viewer, but when the shit hits the fan, Bryce is the friend that would have your back in an instant.

Casey MacTavish - My MC OH - Look, Casey's my girl. I freaking adore Casey, and we'd be BFFs in any universe.

So they're my top 3... but as you can see... I needed more 😁

4. Tobias Carrick - OH - Book 3 Tobias and I would be besties. Book 2 Tobias and I would be friends after I kicked his ass a bit, and trust me, I would. We're both life-of-the-party types and want to live life to the fullest, and we're not afraid to make asses out of ourselves doing it. He's not ranked higher for one reason, and one reason alone, I'd totally want to bang him and, therefore, I'd probably screw things up at some point. Sorry. Not sorry. lol 😂😂😂😂😂

5. Sienna Trinh - OH - She should really be higher. Really. If I were a better person, she prob would be. Sienna is THE friend we all deserve to have; there is none better. But... I'm a wiseass, and I need people who can appreciate and match that. Sienna is prob too sweet for me, but she's so damn wonderful I'd make the exception for her. I would probably scare her a bit. 😂

6. Troy Hassan - WTD - Troy is that fun-loving, impish, trying not to take things too seriously (even when they're SERIOUS) friend who (not unlike Lahela) may seem like a "lite" friend, but he would is there no matter what. We'd get into tons of trouble together and have a million stories to tell because of it.

7. Drake Walker - TRR - Following my love of all things sarcastic. lol He is a bit too curmudgeonly for me, especially at the beginning of the series, but I would totally mock him, and he would hate me... until he realized I was funny, and he'd have no choice but to like me. lol We would 100% be drinking buddies, and we could totally hate on the elite together. We'd bond over that.

8. Hana Lee - TRR - Please see Sienna Trinh above. All of it. All of it.

9. Briar Daly - D&D - I mean, the woman picked up and left her family without a word just to be there for MC. This is a friend, man. Not only is she kind, but witty and, at times, has an acerbic tongue. She's fiercely loyal and doesn't stand on being ladylike at a time when it's demanded. She knows who she is, and she's proud. This is my kind of gal.

10. Ethan Ramsey - OH - Ethan and I would be better friends than LIs. I would drive the man out of his mind and vice versa. lol But not unlike Drake Walker, I'd tease the shit out of his grumpiness, and he'd hate me until he had no choice but to like me. He'd also appreciate me because I tell it straight... and he wouldn't always like that ... but he'd admire it. We'd also be drinking buddies. Oh, and I happen to love opera. He wouldn't believe that, so I'd talk his ear off about the topic... tell him about all the shows I've seen at The Met, and I'd def get brownie points. lol

11. Damien Nazario - PM - Cynical, sarcastic, funny, witty - I have a freaking type - OK. Don't judge me. But he's also a Latino - and we'd have a lot in common. We'd def be buds.

12. Luke Watanabe - CoP - OK, I don't know him well enough yet... but his fuck the establishment vibe and sense of humor already have me thinking we're going to be friends.

After completing this, I remembered Baz (OH). Baz would totally be on the list too. But I'm not doing it over. lol

I'm gonna stop now. lol

Top 3 Thursday - Week 5

Welcome to Top Three Thursday! 💙

FIRST, a few quick rules!

Please reblog your answer - don't create a new post. The point is to keep us all together in one place and to get to know each other.

You can answer any way you like - basic answer, headcanons, fics, moodboards, edits, artwork - be as creative (or not!) as you like.

Pixelberry Choices-related content only.

PLEASE BE KIND! People will have different options, thoughts, headcanons, and likes - and that’s a good thing. Be respectful of one another.

For Week 5 - Last week, we asked about your MC's 3 best friends... this week, it's back to being about YOU...

WHAT 3 CHOICES CHARACTERS WOULD YOU PICK TO BE YOUR FRIENDS?

It can be any character at all, including LIs or one of your MCs. You don't have to share why, but if you'd like to, we'd love to hear about it!

If you’d like to be added to the tag list, let me know, but anyone can participate! Tags below break. 💙💙💙

If you've asked to be on the list and I've not included you, please shoot me a DM. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I'm worried I've missed some :)

@aces-and-angels @alj4890 @aallotarenunelma @angelasscribbles @bebepac @cariantha @coffeeheartaddict2 @cooltuna69 @crazy-loca-blog @headoverheelsforramsey @hopelessromantic1352 @icecoffee90 @karahalloway @korgbelmont @kyra75 @lovealexhunt @missameliep @peonyblossom @peonierose @potionsprefect @princess-geek @queenrileyrose @quixoticdreamer16 @secretaryunpaid @takeharryandgo @tessa-liam @trappedinfanfiction @tveitertotwrites @twinkleallnight @jerzwriter-reblogs-asks

#t3t week 5 #top 3 thursday #friends #pb choices

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recklessmark · 1 year ago

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HELLOOO IT'S ME 🐽

I just read I Can Help OMG HOW DO YOU WRITE SO WELL EVERY ONE OF YOUR FICS DRIVES ME CRAZY AJSOSJDOSKZ 😭😭😭🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐✨

I am absolutely looking forward to the pt 2 you were planning to write, both to this and Every Angel Sinned (at your own pace!)

If you need help with ideas or proofreading I can dm you! I'd love to be of some use :)

Other than that, how are you doing these days? Have you had a break from uni? ♥️

omg i completely forgot about every angel sinned 😭 thanks for reminding me.

and yes i’ve been having my summer break for 3 months i think and been working my ass off. i used to only work 4 days a week but now i have to work everyday because i have this private 1-1 corporate english class with a japanese student. it’s crazy that she studies for 7 hours/day and 5 days/week. i only have to do 1hr with her as she studies with 2 other teachers (3hr each). i didn’t want to take that class at first since it takes me 30m to drive to work and it’s exhausting if i do it everyday.

but she’s really nice and i totally enjoy teaching her haha. and i’m glad i take the class because if it was someone else, i’m sure they don’t know what they’re supposed to do. most of my colleagues are really stupid 😔 (and i’m not sorry to say it) so i doubt if they are able to handle the class. yesterday we only studied for 40m i think and we talked for another 1hr and i only get paid for 1hr but it was fun talking to her.

i didn’t like my job but my old boss had left (she was rude and the worst person ever) and i’m happy going to work now. i even violate the dress code (since we’re required to dress in these extremely modest clothes but now i wear t-shirts and cargo pants and shits to work, not croptops and shorts and skirts tho haha) and am never on time anymore. i still hate my company though so yeah i don’t care that much. if they fire me then i’ll gladly go. i think my most of colleagues hate me for that but they couldn’t do anything since my new manager doesn’t care lol.

i’m going back to uni in september, so yeah working and studying at the same time but i still manage to get scholarships with straight As and A+ every semester (mark pls praise me for it 😇)

and alright if i ever need some help, i’d find you bestie 🥰🥰

#asks #🐽 anon #i’m glad you like the new story #i’ll post pt2 soon 🥰

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crimsonblackrose · 3 years ago

Note

when you get this you have to answer with 5 things u like about yourself, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) ♡

hmmm

1. I make people laugh. Even though I've been exhausted and emotionally drained this week? Two weeks? What is time? I've still been making my aunt and uncle laugh. I also like bad jokes. I've 100% pulled the trick of having a friend ask what they could help me carry and I totally tricked them into holding my hand. And I surprised my dad and made him laugh because he got a Cesar salad and I asked him if it was called that because it was stabbed 23 times. (It's a bad joke but when you can make a notorious trickster laugh it's a great feeling.)

2. I'm curious, observant, and fairly good at problem-solving. I usually can figure out what's wrong with something and fix it, so I can help my family or my coworkers. I can't fix everything, but I do feel good when I figure out why something isn't working, like a table at work and how to fix it. I also find so many errors at work. I kind of feel bad for the number of issues, so now I know how to fix most of them and just do it myself. Or help my aunt with something wrong with her phone. (Also my first job (lol) the first time I ever got paid for something was as a kid detective. I found things people lost. No lemonade stand for me. 🕵️‍♀️)

3. I can type/write pretty fast. My dad loved computers and computer games and made me study typing via a bunch of games as a kid so that by the time I took computer classes I was ahead of my classmates, and always stunned my students because I'd meet their gaze while asking them something and then would type it out really fast. It benefitted me while I was writing at work. We had to do an article about every half hour so I think I got to writing about 60 articles a week before I was pulled from that task. (However, conversely, it means I'm wordy and talk (write) a lot and things take longer because I write too much sometimes. Which can be great unless you're on a deadline. 😅)

4. Adventurous (with a limit). I like to try new things, baking or cooking or travel. (or starting a podcast, bookmaking, printing, or knitting or whatever I can) There are some things I'm not as good at. Like somewhere along the way I forgot how to ride a bike and got super nervous about balance so while at a cherry blossom festival a friend ended up driving a moped through the city with me on the back because I couldn't figure out how to drive it without causing an accident. It ended up being a lot of fun anyway and we were able to see a lot and get around faster than everyone else and I was able to film for her and her YT channel. It balanced out. But sometimes I've got to build myself up to that stuff. Because I also really love to be at home with a good book and tea. (It's been a while since I've enjoyed that. Maybe this week)

5. I listen and I remember things most of the time. I guess it's like good reading comprehension. At school, we had to retell the plot of what we reading and I'd remember the whole thing so I'd have to pick a part. I aced almost all the accelerated reader tests I took, even being the top reader in the school at one point. One of my friends told me she didn't want to watch a movie but wanted to know everything that happened so she'd be able to keep up with the dialogue and the pop culture and I essentially sent her maybe ten pages or so? of the entire plot and the important jokes and she told me she didn't have to watch it, which was what she wanted. It does fade, but I remember nightmares I had as a kid and usually remember my dreams including how weird they get sometimes. Which is fascinating.

#mumblings #I don't know if this was the best way to do this #but hopefully I did this right #thanks for the ask #favorite followers huh? That's a new one #you're all my favorite

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thejosh1980 · 4 years ago

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Little Wing

(Trigger warning: animal/pet death)

Today, right now, I am sat at the spot where Mijo felt his last sunrise, just 24 hours ago.

He was 28 weeks old, he spent 20 of those weeks with me, and my family. He was my family. He was thrust upon me by my wife and mum, who knew Mijo would be the kind of birthday present I'd want, but could never ask for.

When he arrived he was unexpected. Straight from the car, into my bedroom, onto my lap, what a surprise, it was love at first sight. Those eyes, that tail, that round belly, the fur, I was all in. I had to say goodbye to 4 beautiful pets whom I loved dearly when I left Germany, so then and there I made a quiet, whisper promise to Mijo;

“I'll never ever leave you”...

We began like any other Daddy and cat story, playing, eating, talking to each other. We may have made a few messes on the bed learning to potty train, but I couldn't really fault him, he was perfect. He loved cuddles, got under our feet all the time, talked to us a lot and wanted to be a part of everything happening around the house.

He meowed very loudly too. Sometimes he'd meow from the next room sounding lost and worried. That's when I started to realized something was very different about him. It took about 2 weeks, but then I realized, he was totally deaf!!!! No vacuum cleaner, loud bangs, claps, or door slams could get his attention. When he meowed loudly, it was either because he had to, to feel himself meowing in his head, or he was missing us and could smell us, but not hear us in the next room. I had never had a cat who couldn't hear me call their name, so this was going to be a challenge.

Mijo accepted that challenge...

In a short time I figured out how to clicker train him, using a torch. I love training cats. Most folks think it's impossible, but I've taught cats to fetch, sit and come on command in the past.... So, pretty soon I had him jumping up, over and across chairs and tables on cue. I also learnt a way to “call” him; assuming he could see me, if I knelt down and tapped my leg, he'd come a running. Every time. We had it all figured out.

Grab a harness and a lead, and off we go, walking around the garden. This wasn't a cat, this was a dog. He had very little fear, I mean, he couldn't even hear the birds making a racket or the car driving by or the dog barking next door. He was fixated on me.

I bought him a blow up boat, to use in the pool, to help him get used to floating on water. It was a huge boat for his little size, but he'd hop in, and I'd “treat” him while he got used to the motion. The plan was to build him up to a real boat, or canoe or SUP. I could imagine him walking on water.

He was also great with other cats, so I could take him to visit his cousin and they'd play all day (if we'd let them). He'd come with me to visit other family and then... well, then the real adventures started. Mijo and I could go to the river, the park and the beach. We also went for coffee at the busiest part in the local village, and he took it all in his stride. We took bike rides too, as he sat in a special backpack I had for him. I could hold him while skateboarding or put him on my shoulder as I walked around. He was chill, happy to see and smell his silent world.

When Alex or I came home, and he'd be in the bedroom snoozing or gazing out the window, we could come in, take off our shoes, put our stuff down, maybe run to the loo, then we could snuggle up with him, cause he hadn't heard us arrive. He would just be waiting... He'd just wait for someone to step close enough, blow on his ear, feel a vibration and then he'd meow a big BIG hello, purr and snuggle. He was a no pressure cat... But always ready for hugs and pats.

Besides being deaf, he just didn't seem like any other cat I'd had or even met...

But isn't the way it is with all pets? They're all unique.

He loved Alex. He always had a hard decision between my lap and hers, or sleeping close to one or the other. We had a son to take care of, to love and to enjoy. At the beginning, Alex wasn't sure about having a cat, she'd pretty much always been a dog person, but it didn't take long for Mijo to wrap her around his little paw. She was hooked.

We thought he was going to be grow up to become a big boy. You know, Maine Coon sized 5-6 or maybe 7 kilo. We had high hopes for a dog-like cat, big enough to take on the world. We wanted to show him the world too.

After he had his snip (desexing) in mid March, he wasn't very well, and it really traumatized all of us, we just weren't sure why he took it so badly. He was in a lot of pain, even though the operation itself was quick and really good, with no issues. He would spend the day, in his “bread loaf” position, with his nose to the ground. It was like he was conserving all his energy for when we came home or wanted his attention.

Eventually, after a few weeks he bounced back, back to being his usual self, for a while. He actually lost a lot of fur during this time, most likely due to a reaction to the antibiotics and pain killers. Where his collar and harness were, he lost all his hair. It only took a few days, a bit too quick to realize what was going on, he rarely wore the collar or harness after that. It meant we sometimes lost him in the house without his bell on to tell which room he was in, so I'd be running around turning on and off the lights to get his attention and a meow.

It was our fun game of “Mijo Polo”.

We had noticed he wasn't eating as much, and he wasn't as playful. In fact, all his toys were being ignored, and he rarely chased anything we teased him with. When we took him for playtime with his cousin, he wouldn't last as long play fighting. Something was up, we thought he'd bounce back by now.

Overall, he was a very chilled cat, having just had an operation and now with, ringworm, a tooth problem (one adult tooth was causing him problems and needed to be pulled) maybe that was why he wasn't too interested in food. Surely it wasn't bacteria, an infection or a virus in his blood.

In early May, Mijo developed ringworm, which, by the way, isn't a worm but rather a fungal infection. The vet already had us on anti fungal cream day and night. It's very unusual to get ringworm; it's all around us, but a strong immune system, actually, a decent immune system, would fight off any infection naturally. Cats generally just lick it all off their fur. Humans sometimes get it, from a scratch or a wound. It's in the soil, it's in the air.

When we got the treatment for the ringworm, we also gave him an appetite stimulant, to encourage him to eat, but it made little difference. As nothing changed, we went back to the vet a few days later, and did a hypothyroidism test; the results were borderline.

What could be going on?

At the time of his desexing operation, he was 1.7 kilos, a week later he was down to 1.5 and eventually 1.45 kilo. His body was growing a little, but his muscle and fat wasn't.

We talked to the vet and decided, even though his ringworm was infectious, the tooth had to go, sooner rather than later. It seemed logical that it was his biggest barrier to fulfilling his dietary requirements and his well being. We wanted him fattening up, growing up, and being his usual self again, ASAP. We needed to get him back on track towards good health, enough was enough.

On Monday 17th May I dropped the little guy off at the vet for the day. A check up and a tooth pull.

Before any cat gets an anesthetic, they run a simple blood test to determine if the cat is well enough. During the day we got a call that the operation couldn't happen, and that he'd have to stay in over night or longer, with meds to help him, because his red cell blood count was low. 10%. Most cats need around 40%, if there's any complication with the tooth pull, his blood may not clot.

It's official, he was very unwell.

I was at school when I got the news. I was in shock. Our little boy was that unwell? But he does eat (a little), he does walk on the lead with me, he's eating his treats... was he that unwell?

Suddenly we had to decide on some expensive tests to figure out what was wrong with him. I mean, the red blood cells were being eaten up by the white ones, but why?? We arranged the suggested tests and they kept him in over night.

I was very distraught. How can my little guy be so unwell yet behave well? With that blood count, he shouldn't be able to walk, he should be so lethargic that he can't keep his head up!! He should be in a coma.

All in all, theoretically, he should be dead.

So was it dwarfism, hypothyroidism, mycoplasma??? And and and?? Tests... Blood being taken.. Our boy in the vet over night, alone, worried, scared??? Will he make it through the night? I didn't sleep well...

On Tuesday afternoon the vet let us bring him home. His blood level was down to 9.1%. The idea was that, at least at home he'd have cuddles and love, and that might help his immune system. He was lethargic but not completely terrible. I would need to bring him in on Wednesday for another blood test, to see how he was doing.

On Wednesday, it didn't go well, Mijo had gone from 9 to 8.1% blood level. It was now becoming almost impossible to get any blood out of him. I saw how difficult it was 2 weeks earlier when he had the hypothyroid test, they had to try on both legs and his neck to get a half mil of blood! He was a champ and barely complained. But now, I couldn't imagine the pain he went through with even less blood.

He's been that sick for how long?? Why hadn't we noticed?

We were panicking.

The vet suggested we meet with a mature, more experienced doc, on Thursday. We should be able to figure something out, we had to. Each day = less blood = more chance of...

Well, I am a hopeful guy. I realize, I live on hope. I spent years hoping certain people in my life would change, or love me in a way that I feel some love. I always hope things will change for the better. I don't know why, but it's ingrained in me to feel hopelessness or hope... I think I'm never in the middle... or is that called acceptance? OK, maybe I do feel that too, eventually... But it takes a long long time...

I have videos of Mijo on Thursday 20th, he's cleaning himself in the sun, meowing and purring, happy to see me, walking around the garden with me. Full of life and adventure.

At lunch time, Mijo and I go to the vet. He is his usual cute self, always curious at the vets, and now there's a the new guy he's meeting, what an adventure.

Before he opens the cat box he said something along the lines of “Well, because his blood levels are so low, today is really about deciding if he goes to heaven or not...” I'm not sure, but I know I heard words like “heaven” and “euthanasia” early on in the consultation. Shock was setting in. I barely heard anything else he said, luckily we had Alex on the speaker phone.

Turns out, not only is our little guy deaf, he's an anomaly.

Any cat with 8.1% should be comatose. They should barely be able to walk. They certainly can't pee or poo without help and don't drink or eat much. Mijo came out of his box and sniffed around, was alert and ready to meet the new guy!!

The vet was stumped. He had never seen this before, in over 30 years...

We didn't know he was so sick, because, he was, overall, a well behaved cat. His weight he lost, sure, but he was now at least stable. He was eating, it just took a lot of creativity sometimes to spark his interest (mostly warming up meals and giving him treats).

The vet tried to explain to me, but I'm sure Alex on the phone understood it clearly, that we had very little time, well, no time. We had 3 choices that day. Go to a specialist an hour's drive away, give Mijo steroids and hope he had mycoplasma or Immune mediated hemolytic anemia (IMHA) or, lastly, euthanasia.

Wait???? What does that even mean??

The specialist would give him a blood transfusion, and some special custom drugs which should help him. The vet said it could cost in the 10s of thousands, and may help Mijo for a few weeks, but it's not a solution that we are sure would be long term or not.

Giving Mijo steroids would give him a fighting chance, or not... Basically it could cure or kill him. Because we aren't sure what is the cause of the low blood count, it could be IMHA, mycoplasma or something else, but it's a best educated guess at this rate. If it is the wrong choice, he may die quicker than expected.

Euthanasia, no explanation needed.

We decided on steroids. According to the vet, there was a 50/50 chance it would work. If the cause of the blood cells killing off each other was for or against steroids, we'd know soon enough. Still shocked I tried to understand it all. I'm so grateful Alex was on the line and knows this stuff through experience and study.

The idea of taking Mijo an hour's drive north to the specialist, to a cubicle, a place where we may not be with him 24/7, on the off chance that he wouldn't make it and die alone, we couldn't fathom that.

Mijo took the steroid injection like a champ, he always did injections well. He was given some antibiotics to also help. The vet said, that by Saturday we'll know if it was the right decision. We'd know if he would be getting better...

It was decided that on Monday 24th we'd go back in for a blood test to actually see if the steroids were working (cause apparently one can't really tell with Mijo's behavior, the cheeky monkey).

Mijo and I came home, and well, he ate, he was purring, sitting on my lap. The usual deal. When I went out to get the washing in, he tried to go out too, something we, as parents, have been very protective about. He doesn't go out alone, he doesn't go out without a lead or a bell. He's not an easy cat to find if he runs off, not that he has ever tried. He deaf, he can't hear cars or other dangers out there.

I promised him I'd take him out to that side of the house/garden that afternoon...

So we did, we went out, we sat down, he explored. He was well, good, better, best. He was my boy. He trusted me, I trusted him. I'm always amazed how well he walks by my side, like a dog, with loose leash... Taking my steps as cues when to walk, and when to stop.

We also met the neighbor's dog, which was a first, both were not really interested in each other... But still, Mijo knew there's a lot to live for...

Overnight he went great... Woke up with him on my chest relaxing waiting for me to get up and feed him, luckily I have a wife who had to get up for work at that moment. I remember she sang him a lullaby and held him like a baby. It was really sweet to see how much love they had for each other. Rock-a-bye Mijo...

We wanted to him feel as much love as we could. We felt that, if the steroids and antibiotics were doing their part, and we did ours, there's nothing he can't beat. And he sure felt the love...

I held him while doing some singing exercises, close to my chest. It was something we hadn't done before, and he purred. He'd look up and meow every time I stopped making vibrations. He felt it, I felt it, it was a connection.

We spent a lot of time, reading, relaxing and sitting on laps. Alex and I cuddled him, told him we loved him. He was really fighting. He was eating. He was a little more playful than in recent weeks. He wanted to live. We could feel it...

He went from eating half a packet to 1.5 packets a day, plus dry food. He always wanted treats, and I was always glad to oblige.

By Saturday he was wonder cat! Kneading... Purring... Chasing toys... Eager to hang out...

We'd overcome the problem! He was getting better. There's fight, love and life left in him. He was amazing. If it hadn't been for his ringworm (which was also healing very very well) I'd say he was perfect, especially once he put on another few grams...

We had 4 awesome days, loads of energy and love. He was never alone in the house, and rarely alone in a room. We wanted him to know, to feel, that we loved him so deeply and that all we want was him in our life, for adventures and cuddles.

On Monday morning, his appetite went down... He didn't really eat much...

We all left for the day, work and school. I think we were all worried, but he'd been so good and improved so so much, that we were sure he'd be fine. We have the blood test booked for the afternoon, I'm sure he'll pep up by then. The injection could be wearing off too...

Mijo and I went in to the vet, and his test came back at 14%!!! Damn, that's 6 points!! The vet expected 3 to be a big improvement. In fact, if he had 3 or less, euthanasia may have been the only option... Happy days! He was well. He's going to live! He'll be fine.

We're not out of the woods yet, but we are in the right direction.

All that love we lavished on him, not just in the past days, but the past 4 months. The adventures, the friends he'd made (both human and animal) the smells and sights he'd seen, the vibrations he felt, it was all coming together... He was a fighter with a lot of love to give...

We were over joyed. Really, I couldn't have been happier when I got the results. I gave a “whoop” and threw my fist in the air (I've never done that before in my life!).

We changed to tablet form steroids, as they'll be better long term, keep up the antibiotics and off we go...

But we all know, that often people and animals, when they know they are dying, they give it one last shot. And that was it... We didn't realize until Wednesday, that he wasn't actually going to get better...

Mijo stopped grooming himself, he slowly ate less and less... He became more and more lethargic, he started to sit in the “bread loaf” position with his nose on the ground, as he did after the snip, resting. We thought it was the change in steroids, and as I was at school and the girls at work, we just kept thinking he'd pep up eventually.

When I left for school Wednesday morning, he was alert, but lethargic. When I came home early to check on him, he had really changed again.

His belly was a little bloated, but he had hardly eaten. He had trouble walking, it seemed like it was a mix of muscle degradation/pain and confusion. His meowing changed to a high pitch cry, similar to that of a young kitten. He also stopped eating, he wouldn't even touch any of his tasty treats. He searched for any bit of sun to stand in, but he was looking so uncomfortable, his posture had changed, half sitting, half standing. I was grateful, when I carried him to his water bowl, that he drank a lot. He also went to the toilet, I held his tail so he didn't make a mess on himself.

We spent the afternoon outside, as the sun started to set. He loved the sun, I wanted him to feel warmth... I held him, talked to him. I don't know now many times I asked him to please hold on, please fight and that I loved him. He looked more comfortable in the sun.

I did film us walking around the pool. I am forever grateful for technology, so that I could just put my phone down, touch a button and record a moment. As we walked and talked, oblivious to the camera, I recognized a change in his breathing... I may have missed it previously, but for sure, his breath was becoming more and more labored. Every 3 or 4 breaths, he just had to try harder... His eyes were changing too... But I was sure he could recognize me, the way the vibrations from my chest reached his body and the way I smell. He would react from time to time, shifting or clawing at me.

He often touched my chest with his paw. Reaching out...

Mum and I went to the vet late Wednesday afternoon, the earliest we could. I explained it must be the change of steroids. No, it wasn't. They were the same type, it was just that he wasn't able to fight anymore. We discussed the specialist, called them and made a plan to go in first thing in the morning. I arranged for a friend to come with me, and Thursday morning bright and early, we were going up to get Mijo cured. Transfusion, drugs, you name it, we were going to do it. We had to, we told him we'd make him better.

There and then, Alex and I decided to trade in our honeymoon, you know from the wedding we had 13 months ago and still haven't done the traditional thing of a week or two away somewhere. We decided the money we had aside for that, would go to Mijo's specialist costs, because without Mijo, our honeymoon, whatever and whenever we decide to do it, wouldn't be worth doing, if he wasn't around.

I made a firm plan on how to help him through the night. We would hold him in shifts... All 3 of us... If one showered, the other held him. Dinner time, we shared the responsibility, not that we ate much anyhow. We cuddled, we talked, we purred, I would blow gently on his head... He was feeling love and he was fighting...

Because he hadn't eaten all day, we decided to try feeding him with a syringe, with success. With the tablets we were putting into his stomach, I felt he needed something else down there too... With a small syringe, he took it well, lapping up a tasty liquid treat.

When it was bed time, we put pillows around the bed, incase he fell, because he was very wobbly on his feet. He would cry out at random times, possibly from pain, but I think more from confusion. He sometimes wanted to get away from us, as we know, pets know when it's time and usually disappear, isolate.

We barely slept. I managed about 3 hours... But it was tough.. He wouldn't stay still, and eventually we put him in his little bed, near our bed... Of course he didn't stay there long.

At 4am I heard him crying... I found him under the bed... Alex woke up too... His breathing had changed a lot... Every breath was labored. He wasn't getting enough oxygen.

I laid on my back, and Mijo laid on my chest. This was how it often was, especially when I was reading... We did that until around 7am... Alex taking turns, holding him, talking to him, loving him. Mijo could barely hold himself up, he just laid in our arms... Breathing... His eyes began to glaze over...

We discussed our options, we felt the specialist was now a long shot. We didn't think he'd make the drive, he was near the end. Our little man had little fight left... And we wouldn't forgive ourselves for him dying in a foreign place. There were a lot of tears and back and forwards, including mum coming in for cuddles with the little guy at 5am...

Alex called the emergency vet, and we planned to go in at 8:30... Mijo's time had come...

When the sun comes up, if the blind is open in our bedroom, the sun shines right on through to Alex in bed, Mijo was in her arms, while she drank coffee as the sun rose.

Sometime later I took the little guy out to the pool, where we walked and talked, cuddled and loved, around and around, in the morning sun. I talked to him about all the adventures we had, riding bikes, visiting people, the beach and the river. I spent most of that hour, holding him, looking to his eyes... He gazed up, I just hope he knew it was me. I just knew he felt the vibrations of my words.

We both told him, it was OK to let go now. We were ready. But he kept on fighting for each breath... I think he was just like his Dad, always hopeful..

He last moments at home, where in the chair I'm sat in now. It gets the best light, first thing, even though it's inside the “catio”. Alex had sat down while I was walking outside, I seem to do better when I walk, and I brought him in for cuddles with her in the sun... He was bathed in sunshine, in Alex's arms... It was beautiful...

Actually getting in the car and going to the vet, was tough, but it really hit me when I walked in. I held the little guy, and just burst into middle-aged-man tears and sobbing... If you were there, you'd know I was my mother's son, cause she was sobbing too... I couldn't look anyone in the eye... I didn't understand what was going on, or about to go on...

I think I was in another place...

We went into a consult room, and I just laid the little guy down, not thinking of using the blanket we had... The vet explained the procedure and took him away for his catheter and first injection, some anesthetic? I don't know, but apparently it was the right thing, it helped with his pain.

I couldn't even look Alex or Mum in the eye... I just cried...

I still had hope...

When they came back, Mijo was wrapped in a soft blanket, what a great idea...!! He was quieter, more peaceful... The vet left to give us a moment...

He was still breathing, still fighting... I put my ear to his face, and heard him...

I kept making sure his eye lids closed from time to time. I remember back when Catalina, my little girl in Germany, needed to be anesthetized for a check up. The vet put some put liquid drops in her eyes and made her blink, so her eyes didn't dry out... So for Mijo, I did that every once in a while... I didn't want his eyes to dry up... I wanted him to be able to see me, because laying on that table, he couldn't hear me.

I begged Alex not to bring the vet back in for the final injection... I think I may have screamed something at her... I don't know... I wasn't me... I was trying to hold him in my arms, without moving him... I was trying to give him another chance...

I bawled...

I don't know if I have ever cried like that before... I thought I'd be all cried out... I thought all my tears had already left the building the previous hours and days... But there was more... a lot more... and more to come...

I know that Alex and I held hands over his body... I felt the love... I felt his warmth... his breathing... I know I cried tears onto him, there were tear drops on his lips...

I looked him in the eye as much as I could, but mostly, I cried...

I felt the liquid go into him, I felt it go around my hand into him...

I don't know much about what happened after that... I know I didn't want to leave him, I had promised him I would never do it. I regret not holding him once more... I know that at that moment, I felt the life drain out of me... I felt hope die...

I walked out, not knowing what to do, and flopped down on the grass outside... I never sit on grass, but Mijo liked it...

I managed to drive home...

That was yesterday...

Since then I've tried to rest, tried to come to grips with what has happened, tried to connect with a few friends, I've tried... I'm still trying...

This morning I got up wanting to do some sport, washing, then study and take on the day with confidence... It's a new day, I should take that opportunity to get back into my routine... It took all of 1 minute, from bed to bathroom, to be bawling... Except for the time I manage to calm down enough to type this blog, I've been crying... It's now 10am... I was awake at 6:15...

We are running out of tissues..

I felt so bad this morning, I wanted to plead with Alex not to go to work, because I just can't today. I just can't. We have discussed how she copes in these situations, and I know that's how she copes, by going to work, so I kept my trap shut. I just want her to hug me all day, so I can feel her warmth.

I cried so much on the drive to drop mum off at work this morning, she started crying too, and contemplated not going to work... She wanted to be there for me, but I told her, honestly, I don't think I'd be much company today.

I don't know the grieving process, we haven't learnt that in counseling school yet, but I do know, I'm feeling very lost... I feel very numb...

I can't explain it, and maybe that's why folks can never really explain how they feel after someone close to them, or their pet, has passed. We are just lost.

I also feel that I am grieving for my other losses in my life. It's a bit like, it's a culmination of all the others before him, plus him on top, making me feel pain like I have never experienced before.

Grief is just love, with no place to go... Alex and I talked about that quote last night. I used this quote to help me through leaving my 4 pets in Germany, I know I have to find a new place for my love, but for now, I just can't.

I know I couldn't have gotten through this without the support of my Mum and Alex...

While Mum cries at the drop of a hat, she is solid and thoughtful and loving. Alex is strong and experienced in these matters. She knew what to say, and when, even if I did yell back… Both have a lot of time and patience for me.

I know Alex and Mum feel bad, maybe even guilty, for choosing him. Mijo was a present, to give me joy and love and comfort. And he sure did, in multitudes, to all of us. I would never have gotten a cat back then, I didn't feel Alex or I were ready, we were still working through our issues with our pets in Germany.

Alex and I decided that we want Mijo home with us. He was only on this earth for 6.5 months, we expected him to be with us for 10+ years. Taken too early. Once he's cremated we'll have him in a little urn. He was so small, but if there's a little left over, we will either plant a tree with his ashes or sprinkle him down by the river, the first place he went to that was close to water.

The past day or so, I have shared what happened with some friends, classmates and family, and everyone has been so thoughtful and caring. Thank you, it's really helped to know you're all out there, thinking of the little guy. He would have loved to meet you all.

He was perfection. If someone else had gotten him, realized he was deaf, they may not have given him the adventures and life he had. Mum considers him a rescue cat...

So here I am, in the chair, his last chair in his last moments at home.

I can still smell him on my shirt. When I walk around the house, dazed, I sniff my shirt. He had a wonderful smell. The smell of love and adventure. I hope that smell lasts a life time.

I miss his warmth, his meow, which was damn loud!! I miss, that sometimes he'd get lost around the house... Or he'd lose me, around the house. He was gentle, and only bit me once, by accident, piercing my thumb a little. I miss the fact he had 1 tooth growing forward, directly out, making him a tri-toothed kitten with a protruding top lip! He took on the world without fear. I've never experienced anything like it in a cat. My girl Catalina did sit on my shoulder as I walked down the street in Germany, but Mijo, he let me go skateboarding with him, played guitar with me (he'd chew the strings) and one time, I even vacuumed his tail.

All trust. No fear.

Back when he lost all his hair around his neck and stomach after his snip operation, we were pretty concerned. Funnily enough, it grew back pretty quickly, but it grew back white, not grey. He had a ring around his neck and kind of marks on his back wrapping around to his belly. Alex googled it, and actually found out, cats can often have their hair grow back white after trauma or experiencing extremes of temperature if their hair was cut short or fell out.

About a month ago, I sent my dearest of friends, Sandra, a photo of his regrowth, and she commented looks like “little angel wings”...

Fly on little wing, fly on...

RIP Mijo Angus

12-11-2020 – 27-05-2021

Thanks for reading,

Josh

#pet #pet love #pet death #sad story #loss #griefandloss

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sugaftrm · 4 years ago

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sorry if i'm too late!! airplane pt. 2, paradise and idol (but specifically if you like any other kpop artists, if not then it's totally fine haha i'd love to hear what other artists you listen to!!!)

Hi Sabrina!

You’re not too late, thanks for asking these questions! Admittedly, I overthought each of these and spent hours complicating the questions, so I apologize for taking too long to answer hehe. 💜

Airplane pt.2: create a travel itinerary

I would like to spend a week in Bali, Indonesia! Seems like everyone is going there so this feels like a pretty cliche answer but I would love to see the temples, volcanoes, beaches, and wildlife.

Day 1 & 2 - Canggu: Pura Tanah Lot Sea Temple, Street Markets, Pool Bar, Restaurants, Beach Sunset

Day 3, 4 & 5 - Ubud: Tegalalang Rice Terraces, Pura Gunung Kawi, Ubud Water Palace, Saraswati Temple, Tibumana Waterfall, Rice Fields

Day 6 & 7 - See either Mount Agung or Bratan! (though I just read that Mount Agung literally erupted in 2019 and that’s scary)

Paradise: if you could have one day with bts, what would you want to do?

This is the hardest question to answer, but ultimately I am picking a world where the pandemic is not a concern, I know how to drive, and I know basic Korean. I would love to give BTS a real taste of New York City through my eyes and not just touristy Manhattan stuff. I think I want to have a casual day where we eat and laugh together and learn about each other’s lives. If I had more than a day, I would find specific things for each of them to enjoy (botanical gardens, museums, shopping at music stores, etc.) but alas I have Just One Day.

Just One Day BTS

0:00---------------------------3:59

⏮ ▶️ ⏭

So first, we would get breakfast at a Bangladeshi restaurant in Queens where my sister and I would introduce the guys to deshi chaa, porota/ruti, and booter daal and dim bhaji. Then with full bellies on the verge of a food coma, I’d take them to Central Park (because the weather is nice) where we can take in the views and fresh air while laying in the grass. We would get some Halal Guys or Panda Express 😅 on the way to karaoke. After that we’d have k-bbq dinner followed by dessert. I’d bring them back to my neighborhood to the riverside park near my elementary school. Everyone and their moms go to this park but the views are really lovely, without being too surrounded by high-rise buildings. This is how we’d spend the rest of the night!

IDOL: outside bts, who are some artists you like?

Aside from BTS, other kpop artists on my playlist are Astro (I have to listen to Blue Flame and Knock at least once a day), Blackpink, and Mamamoo. I haven’t done as much of a deep dive on them since I’m super new to kpop so please feel free to share your recommendations for other artists/songs! 😌

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE THOUGHT-PROVOKING QUESTIONS!

from bts song ask game!

#zmalik #answered #Sabrina I just realized you’re bengali!!

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1998tales · 3 years ago

Text

19 JULY 2021

4:22PM

I'm just watching youtube videos. I keep getting ideas for videos, but I'm too lazy to write scripts. What's new though? That's totally me. Lots of ideas but a lack of creative talent and motivation to realize them. I need to change this about myself.

I've done some skincare today. I've cleansed, used a peel from the Ordinary, used a mask, and moisturized.

I spent too much on a sale at Kohl's. I'd been wanting something from Lauren Conrad Beauty for a while and couldn't justify the prices.

I'm most excited about using the blush and lipstick in shell. I hope they arrive safely.

I'm cutting myself off from online shopping for the rest of the month. I wish I could say "next month too" but I know myself. Online shopping makes me feel in control of my life and gives me something to look forward to. I don't have any close friends nor prospects for a relationship. I hate the body I live in. I hate my face. So, material objects give me something to feel good about.

The future looms with financial uncertainty and I think "it doesn't matter if I buy this anyway, I'll never be out of debt by not buying it. I'll never be able to afford a home too." I know that I can't dig myself out of the hole college and the lack of stable employment created. I know I need to change though. I'm too old to be this way.

I've went through my makeup a decluttered. Now, I'm sitting aside more books to give away. My goal is to get rid of 20 every month now.

There are some collections of books I can't get rid of: Agatha Christie, poetry, Harry Potter, Twilight, Anne of Green Gables, etc. I have 5 bookshelves that are filled and a few stacks on the floor. I want to eliminate the stacks and clear out as much as I can from every shelf.

New goal for saving:

$600.00 every month.

That's $3,000.00 by the end of the year.

I will report how much I saved at the end of August.

New goal for weight loss:

I will do a 36 hour fast every week.

I will only eat two meals a day.

I will drink one pop a day (unless I can eliminate it altogether).

No fast food except for one time a week (unless I can eliminate that too).

I will weigh tomorrow morning.

I will weigh again at the end of August.

My goal is to lose 5 pounds.

New reading and writing goal:

I will write in my physical journal every day.

I will write on tumblr 3 times a week (if not more).

I will complete one essay for a video script per week (even though I have no plans to make the video in that timeframe).

I will read every day, even if it is only one chapter.

New work goals:

I will be more adventurous with my makeup No one really cares what I look like, so why not wear new colors?

I will be more diligent about completing my work as it happens rather than letting it pile up for another day.

I will double check my work at the end of the week to insure there are no errors to the best of my ability. If I have to time to check the day's work then, I will do it then.

New life goal:

Learn to drive.

Get driver's license.

This is really holding me back in life. I will soon have no options on getting to work and will be fired if I don't deal with my fear.

I hate how this is such an easy thing for others, but so hard for me. People find it comical when I tell them about it. Zero empathy.

I'm setting a timeline that I will save up for drivers education and sign up by September. My goal is to have the drivers license before Christmas. That will give me plenty of time to complete the courses (I'm not even sure how long that would take and if spots are available due to covid) and to take the test (a few times, I'm assuming).

I've proven in a private matter that I won't discuss, that I can actually meet a challenge. So, I know that I'm capable of actual change if I put in the effort.

It's hard to change though when you haven't lived like other people. All of their examples of "these people have done x, so you can too" doesn't seem to work for me. I don't relate to anybody around me at all. I haven't had the same life experiences.

#shopping addiction #sadness #depression #lauren conrad #lauren conrad beauty #makeup addiction

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harrietvane · 6 years ago

Note

do you mind talking about why you dislike Love Actually and Richard Curtis's romcoms? I've seen you mention it in some of your tags and I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

Long post, so scroll now, ye who care not.

OK, so like better voices than mine have articulated Why Love Actually Sucks Balls, but you were kind enough to ask for my view, so strap in I’m gonna talk about Jane Eyre, and the 1990’s Fran Drescher sitcom The Nanny also. It’s coming up on western civilisations’ holiday season, so why not, it’s a good time to tell this movie to choke, because it’s about to be repeatedly thrust upon us once again. (Disclaimer: I acknowledge Richard Curtis is responsible for Blackadder and Vicar of Dibley, so whatever else, we’re still cool on that basis. But I have spite and to spare, so there’s plenty to go around).

My main beef is actually the context. Technically, if all of the below bullshit was in an offbeat movie from any other movie market (I’m thinking maybe a French, or Spanish movie from the 90′s boom, Almodovar style?), the focus would probably be a black humour take on ‘Lord What Fools These Mortals Be!’, sort of look at the inherent ridiculousness of mankind, and how we get in our own way, blah blah, might have been cute. I’d buy that. This movie? A british movie for the american market? It’s sold with a big holiday sticker on it saying ‘ROMANCE’, and specifically ‘ADORABLE ASPIRATIONAL ROMANCE THAT YOU SHOULD ADORE AND ASPIRE TO’. Also the context *inside* the movie itself (through a narration voiceover no less) is that all of these narratives is somehow proof that ‘Love, Actually is all around’, and specifically in a good, wholesome, happy way, overall at least. These stories are redeeming, even if they’re not all happy, they’re Good™ or whatever. The context outside the movie is the same: british TV advertising, hard copy packaging, holiday specials, outdoor gala screenings: they all say over and over: THIS IS SQUISHY HOT PINK NEON LOVE, wholesome, healing, and healthy. You should want this, aspire to this, think this is the cat’s pyjamas! It’s a wide and varied look at the beautiful power of love from all angles, comic, tragic, the lot.

Is it fuck. The ‘positive’ romance stories range from Stage-5 Creeper to Crotch Puppet Afterthought, the ‘melancholy’, thwarted romance stories seem to say ‘if you’re a woman who’s not readily/immediately bangable to your allocated straight dude, romance is over for you I’m afraid’. Let’s recap, shall we:

Much has already been said about Andrew Lincoln’s character BLANTANTLY SHARKING ON HIS BEST MATE’S WIFE being uhhh, less than fresh. I don’t even feel like I need to justify this one, it’s so over-the-top. The main point is that movie itself maintains this as a tragic, swoony, thwarted, heart-string-tugging missed connection, rather than The Worst Friend Ever (meaning: it assumes we’ll be 100% onboard with Keira Knightley skipping secretly away from Chiwetel Eijiofor to grant his best mate one treasured kiss, as opposed to saying ‘what the FUCK Mark, why are you telling me this, this is super inappropriate?? and my only wedding video is just you zooming in on my face? Pls get help’.

We all love National Treasure Colin Firth and all, but like is Love, Actually fixating on a woman who literally can’t speak to you? Has said nothing understandable to you? About whose own life you’ve never yet, and could never have asked about? Whose main interactions with you have been to wordlessly clean your room, bring you food, and tidy it away after? Your ideal woman, who you meet immediately following a break up, is one who silently meets all your domestic needs, while making zero emotional or intellectual demands on you whatsoever? WOW, SHOCKER. (Oh but it’s cute or whatever, they have him propose, and there’s a mix up when her sister appears, but she’s Ugly™, so it’s funny that the sister is not getting romance. I mean, how could she, an uggo?? Classic joke. Good times.)

The Prime Minster and his tea lady: more on Curtis’ Domestic Servitude Kink below, whoo boy.

Laura Linney would really really like to sleep with Rodrigo Santoro, and god bless her who wouldn’t, but she is tragically unable to, because she has family commitments as being the sister – not even fulltime carer, just RELATED TO - a brother living with disability. Sorry folks, romance is OFF THE CARDS, FOREVER for Laura here. How can she??? That’s the nature of love, actually. Can you have sex right now this moment? No? Whelp, sorry, thanks for playing, back to the Tragic Assisted Living facility for you. Gosh it’s unfortunate that’s a truth universally acknowledged that any whiff of disability = no romance for you ever. (Don’t start me on 4 Weddings* [edit: *it’s totally Notting Hill, not 4 Weddings, thank] and how that husband is like The Best because he continues to love his wife even though her legs don’t work. What a champ, honestly, do they have an award for that?) I have to stop now before I get sarcasm poisoning, but my eyes will continue to roll.

How could I say anything bad about the Liam Neeson widower and his adorable lovestruck son storyine? Lol, I’m gonna. Have you seen the Buffy episode The Zeppo? Xander is convinced the only way girls (as a concept, not in the specific) will like him enough to sleep with him is if he has A Thing. The Thing is posited as ‘being cool’ by having an object or skill that alone will be the magic bullet to romance. Musical instrument prowess is considered, and he ends up just getting a car to be his Thing. This just seems like a redux of that logic. This kid could get some genuine direction from the movie to get to know this girl, learn her interests and share his, see if she likes him as a person by being A PERSON, but the narrative just backs away from that and eventually DOES just say ‘play the drums in the show, she’ll like you’ and that’s …it. But it’s cool, teenagers don’t learn key interpersonal dynamics at this age or anything, she kisses him for some reason, whatever. (Bonus points for gifting his dad with a literal supermodel as a punchline, after making that an actual joke earlier about the shallow nature of attraction, and love is about filling a one-sided need.)

I could go on, but I have very little to say about Freeman falling for a girl whose tits he’s been holding for a week, the no-homo pop star Nighy plot, or the guy that goes and has sex in Wisconsin with Bond Girls, and can’t be bothered, which leads me to…

Richard Curtis’ Domestic Servitude Kink. Must I kinkshame Richard Curtis in his own home?? Nope, I’m kinkshaming him AT WORK in his narratives, surrounded by his nubile, pliant, adorable female employee characters. Oh Mr Curtis, I seem to have dropped a pencil!

OK, so like a M/F Domestic Servitude romance is an extremely old trope, and extremely common, and I’m not here to tear that up, because done well it’s amazing, lot of petrol in that King Cophetua narrative tank. I’m a fan. The most famous in-context historical example being Jane Eyre, for instance: he’s her boss, she’s his paid subordinate, they’re both 100% aware of that. It’s a great way to explore the real-life class and power dynamics of these 2 train wrecks of human beings, and they vomit their ridiculous drama llama feelings all over a 600 page novel. Super fun, they’re both awful humans, I love them. Mid-century you might have The Sound of Music, and in more modern times you get 1990s sitcom The Nanny, both extremely well-developed romances involving paid employees, and part of their value is that the shows KNOW THIS. They’re aware it’s the basis for their dynamic, that they have to directly play with that, and develop beyond to go anywhere. Watching Fran Fine in her runway-fresh Moschino minidresses jump on Maxwell Sheffield’s desk for the 800th time making him super uncomfortable (and not a little turned on) is always such a treat. It’s right out there on the label. The problem with Love, Actually, is Curtis doesn’t want to admit that naughty secretary seems to be a cornerstone of what gets him going, romantic-stylez.

One (1) time in the movie would be ‘sure, why not’. Literally the highest political office in the land, making overtures to the woman who brings him tea, i guess might be a bit off, but let’s say it’s done well, and maybe Hugh Grant and Martine McCutcheon’s charisma gets us over the line (his behaviour is cute because her last man didn’t like her body, but the prime minister DOES like her body! so it’s cute!). Whatever, seen worse. Two (2) times however is making a point, and Colin Firth is driving his silent portuguese maid home - not a french maid but so close! - and deciding he’d like her to bring him tea and clean his toilet for as long as they both shall live, and that also seems to be her greatest joy. Ah, l’amour. OK, I guess you like the thing, everyone has a thing, but at least you’re done now. Wait, you mean there’s a third (3rd) one? Everyone’s Fave Alan Rickman drives the plot of his own marriage’s tragic romance because he’s having stiffening feelings about his own Naughty Secretary halloween costume, after all. All the beautiful speeches about Joni Mitchell give Thompson some nice things to do, but it still assumes the Nature of Romance is to want to plough the help. A man can’t help it! It’s how romantic attraction works! Once would be whatever. Three times and there’s a tag on Ao3 for that, so please just scratch that itch and stop selling it to me in a heartwarming christmas movie as the Universal Nature Of Romance, so varied, so vast, the full spectrum! Just 2 hours to tell a story: but 3 whole narratives and 7 actors devoted to the variants on the naughty maid story. My point is be upfront about it and I’d be all for it - pretend it’s not A Thing You’re Doing and my creep-meter goes ping. Steven Shainberg’s ‘Secretary’ has a scene where the boss literally puts a saddle on his employee, and I find it to be one of the most genuinely moving romances I’ve ever seen. Love Actually makes me feel like Curtis is sending me a ‘u up?’ late night text about his secretary fantasy.

Anyway, I fucking hate this film, and not necessarily because of the content, but because of the context. The movie tells me to love it as aspirational romance. My culture tells me to love it as aspirational romance. Everyone tells me to love it as a varied and full exploration of reasons to get up in the morning, because it’s an aspirational romance. It makes me want to claw my own face off.

#replies #long post #ishipallthings #that kid in the octopus costume can't save it #look no judgement if you like it - whatever floats your stoat - but it's uhhhhh not for me

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murielcook · 2 years ago

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me when i broke up with the guy i'd gotten engaged to because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Story time -

i did it in a like 4 page letter, after I'd come back early from a disney vacation his family had taken us on and then i fucked a guy i'd been flirting with for some time. now the context that makes me slightly less of a tremendous asshole is: i came back early to work black friday so i could keep my job because I was trying to move us out of my parents house since his money was not being saved for that purpose. my parents were sleeping in the living room to accommodate us; he was unbothered by this. he had just graduated college with a bachelor of arts in computer science (not BS, BA) that he didn't even want, and had absolutely put no thought into what to do next. also he couldn't drive because he didn't want to take the test again so i had to drive him to work. before said vacation he called me a bitch because i wanted to make sure i was back for this, even tho i'd gotten the job after it was planned so it's not like i simply flaked; i also apologized profusely for the inconvenience to his fam and offered to pay my own way back. we'd been having massive communication issues for a whiiiile like could not have a single serious conversation without totally devolving into simply mental baby talk, yes actual baby talk a wuu wuu i wuv u - barf - I'm repulsed by it to this day. this lack of normal talking is what prompted the letter approach. the guy i met at the mall (where we both worked) was quiet and sweet, interesting and funny, and seemed to be capable of treating me like a person with needs and feelings. we'd hung out as friends but the tension was real as fuck.

so i went on the trip. came back early as planned. worked a blistering black friday in the food court. drove this nice young man home and had the first worthwhile sex i'd had in maybe ever. then i wrote a whole confession and break up and just handed it over shortly after original guy got back. needless to say he was not happy.

i helped him pack up his stuff from my house and drove him to his parents like 5-6 hours south of where we were. (They were honestly pretty nice but probably think really poorly of me at this point.)

I wound up in a 10 year relationship with the nice young man from the mall, which ended for sad reasons. as for original guy, he's of course in some cushy corporate gig now and married some girl who looks honestly quite a bit like me.

now i'm gayer than previously explored in this saga and much better off for it and significantly better at managing feelings and communication.

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hanniejji · 6 years ago

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TAGS UWU

So I was tagged three times and since I wasn't able to do it on my phone I had to do it on my computer lmao anyway I got tagged by my sweet cakes(@hyunjinsgiggle ), the sunshine (@felegs ), and this cutie (@stayuwu ) this is going to be long btw im sorry and the ending is very depressing ignore it

Bold Tag

Rules: bold the ones that apply to you!

Appearance:

I’m over 5'5 / I wear glasses/contacts / I have blonde hair / I wear sweatshirts a lot / I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing / I have one or more piercings / I have at least one tattoo / I have blue eyes / I have dyed or highlighted my hair / I have gotten plastic surgery / I have or had braces / I sunburn easily / I have freckles / I paint my nails / I typically wear makeup / I don’t often smile / I am pleased with how I look / I prefer Nike to Adidas / I wear baseball hats backwards

Hobbies and talents:

I play a sport / I can play an instrument / I am artistic / I know more than one language / I have won a trophy in some sort of competition / I can cook or bake without a recipe / I know how to swim / I enjoy writing / I can do origami / I prefer movies on TV shows / I can execute a perfect somersault / I enjoy singing / I could survive in the wild on my own / I have read a new book series this year / I enjoy spending time with friends / I travel during school or work brakes / I can do a handstand

Experiences:

I have had my first kiss / I have gotten drunk / I have told a crush I like them / I have traveled outside of the country / I have flown on an airplane / I have stayed awake for more than 48 hours / I have had a near-death experience / I have caught something on fire / I have performed in a talent show / I have shot a gun / I have been on TV / I have gone scuba diving / I have broken a bone / I have slow-danced / I have gone on a shopping spree

Relationships:

I am in a relationship / I have been single for over a year / I have a crush / I have a best friend I have known for over ten years / my parents are together / I have dated my best friend / I am adopted / my crush have confessed to me / I have had a long-distance relationship / I am an only child / I give advice to my friends / I have made an online friend / I met up with someone I have met online

Aesthetics:

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell / I have watched the sun rise / I enjoy rainy days / I have slept under the stars / I meditate outside / the sound of chirping calms me / I enjoy the smell of the beach / I know what snow tastes like / I listen to music to fall asleep / I enjoy thunderstorms / I enjoy cloud watching / I have attended a bonfire / I pay close attention to colors / I find mystery in the ocean / I enjoy hiking on nature paths / Autumn is my favorite season

Miscellaneous:

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle / I am the mom friend / I live by a certain quote / I like the smell of sharpies / I am involved in extracurricular activities/ I enjoy Mexican food / I can drive stick-shift / I have memorized an entire song in a day / I believe in true love / I dream up scenarios to fall asleep / I sing in the shower / I wish I lived in a video game / I have a canopy above my bed / I am Multi-racial / I am a redhead / I own at least three dogs / I am LGBR

I'm about to answer 33 questions wow I feel like I'm on an examination

11 questions tag

by sweet cakes:

1. what is your fashion sense?

I have a lot of styles depending on the weather or my mood. I mostly do the sweater/jacket + high waisted shorts hehe or turtle neck + shorts + cardigan/jacket. when I'm lazy, which is always, I wear an oversize hoodie and shorts and the occasional cap hihi I have a weird sense of fashion

2. what is your favourite season?

I like rainy, or windy. any is fine as long as I don't sweat like hell adfaslsja I hate summer

3. if you could go on holiday anywhere, where?

I love going to beaches but tbh anywhere with good views is fine, it doesn't matter since the most important thing for me is that I get the experience and take lots of photos if they have a lot of delicious foods then that's better oof

4. what is one quote you live by?

"learn to stand on your own feet" has a very special place in my heart

5. would you ever get a tattoo, and if so, what and where?

I would want a snowflake, because we're not alone falling down

6. what is your favourite song at the minute?

at the moment, it's nobody knows by youngjae and fine by yugyeom ✨✨

7. what is one album you would listen to for the rest of your life?

I still listen to Linkin Park songs because of the meaningful and relatable lyrics

8. what is your favourite memory from the last year?

it has to be the one time my mom said she's proud of me :')

9. what is one regret you have?

not being able to make friends easily :'( I find it hard to do

10. would you change aforementioned regret?

maybe :'(

11. if you could have any food in the world to eat right now, what would it be?

How dare you make me choose I can't possibly choose between different varieties of foods :'( fries, frappe, and shawarma w/o cucumber pls

by sunshine 🌞

1. what’s one thing that helps you relax?

probably sleeping with soft background music

2. what’s your favorite novel and author?

I'd rather poetry :') sea of strangers by lang leav is amazing

3. are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection?

I'm more like the closet affectionate person hehe but when I'm tired or sleepy I get clingy a lot but I'm mostly through small actions, I'm not comfortable with saying "I miss you" or whatever unless I'm typing them

4. are you an early bird or a night owl?

totally a night owl

5. if you’re comfortable with it, do you have a song you connect to something or someone, and if so, what is it?

sorry by halsey, broken home by 5sos

6. if you could go back to a place you’ve been to before, where would it be?

the beach we went to last vacation :')

7. what does your favorite piece of clothing - that you own yourself - look like?

a very comfy oversized hoodie, it's black with front pocket, sweater paaaaws, and it has a small doodle of neptune on the back

8. who’s your bias and why?

bias? I don't know her

9. do you believe in luck and miracles?

yas, my aunt is actually a fortune teller? idk? but she knows a lot about those and spirits thing but since I have low self confidence I mostly sound like I don't believe in them

10. what’s your favorite type of decorations?

aesthetic and pastel colors ✨

11. do you prefer being outside or inside?

booooth

by cutie :

1. Are you a daydreamer? If so, what do you dream about?

sometimes I just space out without even realizing

2. What’s your favorite place in the world?

home

3. What’s home to you?

somewhere that no one can judge me, a safety place, a place where I can let loose and be comfortable and not give a care about anything

4. This is not a question but quote a vine.

"oh hell noOooOoOOoOooOooOO"

5. Grey’s anatomy or House?

what i don't watch any of these

6. Do you have any pets?

a lame excuse of a cat

7. What kind of friend are you? (You know, the mom friend, the meme friend, etc).

the mom friend, scolds you 25/8, gives advises everywhere, comforts you, takes things seriously, drops everything just to listen to you unless I'm in a very bad mood, sacrifices for you, boyfriend material (according to my friend), secretly soft, lazy but exerts effort when needed, randomly does weird things and dances to fortnite, supports you, but lowkey doesn't do the same for myself lol because I'm emo and you can hear me saying bad things about myself 27/10 and pushing you away lol

I don't share my food unless you're important lmao

8. Do you hate someone? If so, why?

fake peopleeee

9. What’s your dream job?

to be a journalism

10. What MCU character resembles you the most? (not physically, more like mentally and emotionally).

probably wanda

11. I won’t use this eleven question as an actual question, use your right to answer to this to talk about whatever the fuck you want. Rant, fangirl, talk about what you did today or yesterday or whatever. Just talk.

I just want to cry to someone but I don't have the heart to tell anyone, I don't know why but I get stressed so easily and that one time our nurse had a seminar and asked if anyone is depressed, I just want to raise my hand but I'm too scared someone will judge me and think of me as a weak person, like now, and she started this speech about how to beat depression and I just can't understand how is that going to work because it doesn't work on me. I'm getting tired of constantly getting sad for no reason and it's bothering my classmates and I hate bothering them I feel like I'm annoying so I kept these thoughts to myself. It's hard trying to avoid spacing out and being so quiet all of the sudden, I'm getting mad at myself for being pathetic and I did the "do" once because I was so desperate to feel something other than sadness and I couldn't even tell anyone and right now I feel like this rant I'm doing is bothering everyone I hate being like this :'(

I'm doooonneee hehehehe that took me like a long time and I should really sleep now :') I will reblog this with my 11 questions and tags because tumblr has limits ugh

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piratekane · 7 years ago

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1) i don't usually do this but i'm hoping you could give me some advice? i'm a non-binary identifying person who has been out of college for about a year now (BA in hand) and have yet to be able to pick up any kind of job beyond food service. recently, a pretty conservative company offered me an interview & they have a dress code for employees, like suits for guys, skirts and pantyhose for women. w/ the job, it's a work from home position so i'd only have to do 20-30 hrs of training in office

Hey there. First of all, this is totally fine to drop in and ask for some advice. I’ll try to give you as much advice as I possibly can. So, here we go:

1. Don’t be discouraged by having a degree but no job. (Congratulations on your BA, though!) I graduated college in 2012 with a BA in English and a BS in Education. I already had student teaching under my belt, glowing recommendations, and I was so ready to be a high school English teacher. Except... no one would hire me. Some schools told me I didn’t have enough experience. Other schools told me they had just filled the position. The person I was student teaching under left her position, recommended me, and I still lost out to a kid who had attended that high school years before. So by the time I was a year out of college, I was substitute teaching by day in three local school districts, rotating locations Monday-Friday, and waitressing at two different restaurants by night. I was working 16-20 hours a day. My cat hated me. My girlfriend (now my wife) hated me. I hated me. But I had bills to pay and dreams to achieve so I put in the time and kept applying to jobs. I eventually got one, but it was a 45 minute drive over the mountain and into the lower valley.

2. Which brings me to my second point: I needed that job. I needed it because that’s what I wanted to do; because it paid enough that I could start buying groceries and stop eating my one meal a day at my waitressing job; because at the rate I was going, I was going to work myself into a pile of bones. How badly do you need this job? Not want - need. Do you need it to pay bills? Do you need it to put food on the table? Do you need this job to be able to survive?

3. If you answered yes to any of these questions, I think putting aside that you feel more comfortable in masculine clothing, even for a few hours, will be worth it. Think of it like I did, that time I went to my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary: I wore a dress because it’s what my grandma wanted. It was uncomfortable and when I was younger, I didn’t understand the request (though, spoiler: I’m older and still don’t understand it), but it was a few hours of my day. And when I got home, I got into my boxer briefs and a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and things were better.

4. If you answered no to any of those questions, maybe you don’t need it. The first job isn’t always the right job. The first anything isn’t always the right anything. That’s why they’re called first loves and not last loves, you know? Maybe you take the fact that you got offered an interview as a sign of upward mobility; one place wants you and more will, too. Use this momentum and aggressively market yourself. I’ll say it again: this isn’t the only place that wants you to work for them. They’re just the first who looked, and more will follow.

5. So, you have some options:

You can use the interview for practice: put on something more feminine and use the interview to work out any kinks in the way you pitch yourself.

You can use the interview to establish who you are: Wear the clothes you feel help you present your best self. If they question you about it, explain that the clothes don’t make the (wo)man and that you’re so much more than your outfit.

You can power through the 20-30 hours: find a skirt you don’t feel awful in, put your shoulder down, and press into the work. Once you’re done in the office, you can probably do your work in your underpants (it sounds like).

You can politely decline: thank them for their time, and their interest, but tell them that you’re not interested after all. Maybe you flat out tell them that their dress code doesn’t jive with how you feel most comfortably. Many work places want employees (and potential employees) to feel comfortable, and maybe, despite their conservatism, they’ll be agreeable to that.

6. I will say this: it took me a long time and many years out of college, in the workforce, to match the way I like to dress with the environment I’m in. I’ve had some missteps and some failures, but now that I’m here, it’s the best feeling in the word.

7. Please, please, please let me know what you decide to do, and if I can help in any way. (I hope this was a little bit helpful.)

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sgt-peppersmanager · 8 years ago

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Do 1-102 😎😎😎 also you're a super cool human being just thought I'd let you know

OMG! Thank you anon!!💙💙💙

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?• Come on Eileen by Dexy Midnight Runners. My aunt played a lot of 80s music for me when I was a kid, and she would sit down and show me music videos from when she was teenager. 2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet? • Yes! Two beagles. Donkey (the name kills me) and Loki. They were brothers. 3.) have you ever been drunk?• Yes, many times. My tolerance is top notch now tho  4.) have you ever tried drugs?• No actually.  5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?• Yes almost everyday. 6.) have you ever made someone cry?• I don’t know if I have actually.  7.) has someone ever made you cry?• Oh my goodness yes. 8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. • Yes, sadly. Well we were on a sofa in my basement, I was cuddled up in his arms, and we had a Beatles album playing on my record player. The song was And I Love Her, and I honestly can’t remember exactly what he said (funny how things change because I said I would never forget) but it was something along the lines of “haha man this song is how I feel.” Which I kinda ignored cause I figured he didn’t mean that but he said he loved me, I looked at him and said “do you mean that?” And he said “if what I feel for you when I’m with you isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.” And it was that moment where I kinda hit me that I loved that boy all along. Now I hate his guts, again funny how things change.  9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?• Ted Allen.  10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?• Yes! People should be allowed to marry and love who they want regardless of your personal belief! Plus I’m bisexual. 😎 11.) how many siblings do you have?• One older sister and I hate her. 😊 12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?• Yes? Maybe? Idk.  13.) are you a good cook?•Yes I’ve been cooking since I was 6.  14.) what is your favorite tv show?• Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I’m trying to find another show though. Always accepting recommendations 👀 15.) what is the last movie you cried during?• Dead Poet’s Society  16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)• School Days by The Kinks, Captain Jack by Billy Joel, and High Enough by Damn Yankees cause I’m a fucking dork who heard it after I got my heart broke.  17.) do you have a middle name?• Elizabeth. Don’t forget the Z, they always forget the z.  18.) have you been out of your country?• Nope. 19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?• Yes I love dark chocolate and any vegan chocolate.  20.) how many people have you kissed?• one.  21.) what is your favorite album?• America’s Least Wanted by Ugly Kid Joe probably.  22.) what is your dream car?• I always feel so judged when I say what cars I want around my friends, because I know a lot of car enthusiasts. All honesty though I want either an old Chevy camper van because shagwagon amiright, or a hearse like in the Warriors 😂 23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?• 25 or 8 24.) what is your favorite flower?• Roses!!! 25.) books or movies, why?• I love both but I’ll pick movies because I have trouble getting my mind to focus when I read, I’m trying to help myself with that though.  26.) have you ever been on a blind date?• Nope.  27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?• Yes.  28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?• Ugh yes. Never again.  29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?• Death. Eventually its gotta end one way or another.  30.) do you have neat handwriting? • Nooooo but my cursive is pretty. Not many people know how to read it so I don’t get to use it much 😢 31.) do you have a friend with benefits?• Nope.  32.) do you want a friend with benefits?• Eh. Depends on the person.  33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?• Someone who actually makes a decent living lol  34.) have you ever been blackout drunk? • No actually. 35.) have you ever met someone famous?• Nope.  36.) how many concerts have you been to?• 1, technically 2 37.) which concerts have you been to?• White Reaper. I’ve been to local punk stuff downtown if you want to count that.  38.) do you have a hidden talent?• Not really. None that I know of.  39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?• usually lay on my floor and wait for panic attacks to stop and listen to music.  40.) do you think money can buy love?• well 🎶I don’t care too much for money cause money can’t buy me love 🎵 41.) how old would you date?Well right now the oldest I’ll date is 20 because I’m 17. But when I turn 18 probably date anyone within 10 years of my age, I guess it depends on who it is.  42.) have you ever done something illegal?• No. i am a perfect innocent little child 😏(lol I’m so full of shit) 43.) what is your biggest fear?• big bodies of water and never escaping my family.  44.) what is an unusual fear you have?• big bodies of water lol 45.) can you drive?• mhm!  46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?• yes! 47.) do you believe in karma?• sometimes???? 48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?• sense of humor.  49.) do looks matter?• eh it’s hard to say because only do you know what you think is “ugly” and what’s “beautiful.” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  50.) does size matter?• 👀 51.) who is the last person you forgave?• Gabe 52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?• Superman, mint chocolate chip, or cookies and cream. But I haven’t found any good vegan substitutes for them 😢 53.) what languages can you speak besides english? • none.  54.) ever been on a plane?• Yup!  55.) ever been on a boat? • Yup! 56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? • of course.  57.) are there any friendships you regret?• YES.  58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?• Yesssssssss  59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?• Yup… 60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?• Yup!!! 61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?• Yes I have. I get sorta sick a lot (hard to explain) and some nights I only sleep 2 hours so I’ve seen a lot of sunrises.  62.) are you scared of rollercoasters? • depends on the rollercoaster  63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?• 9.5  64.) do you have any plans this weekend?• Sitting in my room working on an art project and hopefully playing guitar and finishing up homework 65.) do you miss anyone right now?• Yes.  66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?• Lots of people. 67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?• Invisibility or mind reading.  68.) who is your favorite superhero?• Quicksilver, Spider-Man, or Deadpool. Comics are kewl.  69.) are you dirty minded?• Lol yes. I’m an immature asshole.  70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?• 80s - Pretty in Pink by Psychedelic Furs • 90s- Santeria by Sublime or Ironic by Alanis Morissette • 00s - Blue Orchid by The White Stripes  • 10s - I mean the decade isn’t over yet but digging Judy French by White Reaper a lot. 😎71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?• AGHHHH uhhhh people are gonna freak when I say 3 or 5 but yup. I want a lot. I guess I just wanna have a big happy family for once.  72.) who is your biggest OTP?• Anastasia and Dimitri 73.) what is your favorite food?• Guacamole  74.) do you want to be married one day?• Yes.  75.) dogs or cats?• Both.  76.) do you drink enough water daily?• 100 oz every damn day baby 77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?• yes only once.  78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?• I would but not alone.  79.) how many best friends do you have?• idk really.  80.) when was the last time you cried? • few minutes ago lol 81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?•no actually.  82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?• yes.  83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?• Europe.  84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?• Total Fuck Up.  85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?• yes. I usually don’t leave unless you’re a shitty person to me or someone else.  86.) what is your favorite season and why?• Fall and Winter cause sweaters, hot food, warm drinks, cuddles  87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?• Yes but not in a romantic sense. I say it to my family all the time.  88.) do you know how to play any instruments?• yes! Guitar.  89.) do you like falling asleep to music or not?• Depends on the night I’m having, but usually yes.  90.) what are you allergic to?• Cats, I have seasonal allergies, and rabbits 91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?• Yes.  92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?• Probably Charlie from Always Sunny because it just seems like an adventure. Lol 93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?• Nick Cave because we both have similar artistic visions and mind sets.  94.) are you outgoing?• sometimes!  95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?• Ugh yes.  96.) are you a good flirt?• I’ve been told I am by many, but I don’t think so.  97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?• Yes to both.  98.) which planet is your favorite? • Neptune or Saturn. 99.) are you superstitious?• Yes.  100.) are you a good listener? • I like to think so! I don’t always have good advice but I try my best to be there and help.  101.) are you a good kisser• I’ve been told I “make it difficult to walk after"👀 I honestly don’t know if that’s good or not. So yes???? I guess???? I can’t really kiss myself.  102.) would you kiss any of your friends?• Sure. Almost kissed a few actually, and I always tell them when I almost do and why I almost did because I feel the need to lol.

#mobile fucked the text over #whoops #thanks Tumblr app

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