#if i'm feeling better i'll turn them on when the semester is over i think

[cigarettesuga]

꒰꒰⠀⠀⠀too good at pretending.⠀✸⠀(⠀ myg ⠀)

pairing: idol!fwb!yoongi x producer!fem!reader

genre: smut, slow-burn tension, hidden feelings, late-night studio rendezvous, slice of chaotic intimacy, mutual pining masked as indifference

warnings: explicit sexual content (18+), fingering, teasing, rough sex, oral tension, light dom!yoongi, semi-public sex, dirty talk, marking, overstimulation, slightly possessive behavior, soft aftercare if you squint, mutual denial of romantic feelings, mention of work-stress/mental fatigue, they’re both bad at feelings but good at sex

word count: 4.3 k

summary: it’s after midnight in a nearly-empty hybe building, and she’s still buried in deadlines and demos, jaw clenched and hands in her hair — until the only person who knows her chaos in silence shows up, just as worn out and just as emotionally unavailable. but when yoongi finds her in studio 3A, looking like she hasn't slept and biting down on her own frustration, the air shifts. and when he pulls her into his lap and tells her to be quiet if she doesn’t want the whole floor hearing — neither of them is thinking about feelings. only about relief. except everyone knows — even if they don’t say it out loud — they’re already each other's. just too damn stubborn to admit it.

lu's note: hey there i just wanted to pop up and say that requests are open, i'm on a writing spree and hopefully i'll update more regularly now that i'm almost done with the semester. i'd like to know if you want to see something abt any of the guys... just send a whisper ;)

⠀⠀⠀⠀m.list | latest

the building's nearly dead.

just the low hum of fluorescent lights and the distant echo of someone vacuuming in another hallway. most people had cleared out hours ago — normal people, anyway. the ones with boundaries. sleep schedules. lives.

but not them.

yoongi stretches his neck as he turns the last corner, a paper cup of half-warm coffee in his hand, and there she is.

exactly where he figured she’d be.

her back’s to him, shoulders tense, hands tangled in her hair like she’s trying to physically pull inspiration from her skull. he watches her for a second before saying anything — mostly because it’s kind of fascinating, the way her frustration makes him want to smile. not in a cruel way. more like... fuck, of course it's her. of course she's making herself crazy over something that probably already sounds better than half the shit on the charts right now.

he leans against the doorframe. takes a sip.

“you know you’re not getting paid overtime for this, right?”

she doesn’t jump. just groans without turning around. “don’t start, yoongi. not tonight.”

he chuckles, low and quiet. walks in.

“been trying to reach you.”

his voice is softer now, casual, like this isn’t the third time he’s walked past her empty studio earlier, pretending he wasn’t checking in. “thought maybe you finally ran off to join that noise-pop cult you keep threatening me with.”

“almost did,” she mutters, fingers flying over her keyboard. “but then this demo started sounding like a crime against humanity and i couldn’t leave it like that.”

he settles into the chair beside hers — not close enough to touch, but close enough to be there.

his usual spot.

“play it.”

she hesitates, chewing her lip, and for a second he thinks she’ll argue. but she presses spacebar and leans back, arms crossed.

the track fills the room — unpolished, raw, still bleeding at the edges. but there’s something real in it, something aching and sharp.

and he knows her well enough to hear the exhaustion between the beats.

the trying too hard.

it ends. silence settles.

he nods once. slow.

“doesn’t suck.”

she scoffs. “great. can’t wait to put that on the album review.”

his smirk twitches. “i mean. it doesn’t suck as much as i expected, considering you’re trying to mix in what sounds like a dying printer.”

her mouth drops open in fake offense, and he can’t help it — the corner of his lip lifts again, amused.

this. this is why he came. not because he needed to hear the track. not because he didn’t trust she’d get it done.

but because she looks like a goddamn hurricane when she’s like this, all untamed and brilliant and so deep in her head that it scares him a little.

and he knows the world doesn’t always get the calmer version of her. the one that leans into the quiet. the one that lets herself just be.

but she gives him that version. even when she’s falling apart. especially then.

“take a break,” he says gently, pushing the coffee toward her. “you’re spiraling.”

she looks at the cup, then at him.

and for just a second — just one — her eyes soften.

but then she rolls them. “you’re annoying.”

“you like it.”

“unfortunately.”

he doesn’t say anything to that. just sits there beside her, letting the silence stretch, letting her know she’s not alone — that even when she forgets how to breathe, he remembers. for both of them.

the moment’s quiet.

too quiet for how fast his pulse is moving.

he watches the way her shoulders rise and fall — clipped, uneven — like she’s trying not to fall apart, like holding herself still is the only thing keeping her from unraveling right there in the middle of waveforms and midi tracks. and that shouldn’t do anything to him. he tells himself that every single time.

but fuck, there’s something about seeing her like this — worn down, raw around the edges, still fighting anyway — that guts him more than he’ll ever admit out loud.

he takes a step closer.

then another.

and when he’s close enough to feel the heat of her back through her hoodie, he bends a little, eyes on the crown of her head.

presses his lips there — soft, brief. a barely-there kiss that shouldn’t mean anything but always does.

her hand twitches on the mouse.

he pretends not to notice.

instead, he lets his hands find her arms, slow and easy, fingers tracing lightly from her elbows to her shoulders and back again. not squeezing, not rushing — just being there. reminding her she’s not in this alone, not tonight. maybe not ever, even if neither of them will dare say it.

his mouth finds her hair again, this time to whisper, low and amused, “you keep this up and you’re not getting anywhere with the song.”

her breath stutters — a soft exhale.

and she leans back the tiniest bit, like her body knows something her pride won’t admit.

“maybe,” she says, voice quieter now, “i just need to relax…”

he hums, and it comes out more like a growl than a laugh.

his thumbs drag slow circles into her arms now, a little firmer.

not suggestive — not yet — just intentional.

“yeah?” he murmurs, mouth still ghosting against her hair. “you want help with that?”

there’s a pause. one of those heavy ones, where a whole universe of unsaid things pass between two people who keep pretending they don’t care.

she doesn't say yes.

she doesn't have to.

her body shifts back into him, barely-there contact that might as well be a plea. her eyes stay on the screen, like she’s still pretending this is about the music — like the way her thighs press together slightly isn’t an answer in itself.

he leans closer, lips a whisper away from her ear.

“say the word.”

his voice is lower now. soft, rough, dangerous.

and god, if she says it?

he’ll make her forget what stress even feels like.

her hands on his hips feel deceptively casual — light, teasing — but he feels the tremor beneath her fingertips. the tension riding up her spine even though her voice comes out cool, steady.

"you know i’ll say yes, right?"

he looks down at her, lips quirking into that crooked half-smile — the one that always makes her roll her eyes like she’s not secretly addicted to it.

"yeah," he murmurs, brushing his thumb over the top of her arm. "but consent is sexy. and i’m nothing if not respectful."

her laugh is soft, almost a sigh, but her eyes never leave the screen, like it’s some kind of anchor. or maybe a shield.

he knows how much she hates vulnerability.

knows how much she hides behind work.

but when she leans into him like that — trusting him, choosing him — it undoes something in his chest every single time.

"c’mon," she says, still in that whisper, glancing toward the studio door. "we can’t take too long… we don’t know who’s still on this floor."

and he wants to say, let them fucking hear,

but instead, he lets her guide him — lets her take control the way she always does when she needs to feel like she’s not drowning.

her hand slips into his, fingers cold from hours on the mouse, and he follows as she leads him toward the tiny couch in the corner of the room, worn down from too many late-night naps and occasional power plays like this.

he sits down first, legs open, arms resting on the back of the couch like he’s not already burning for her.

she stands in front of him, hair messy, hoodie half-zipped, pupils dark and pulled — and it takes everything in him not to reach for her right away.

but he doesn’t have to.

because she climbs onto his lap with no hesitation, knees bracketing his thighs, arms sliding around his neck like she’s done it a hundred times — like it’s muscle memory now.

and maybe it is.

he exhales, hands settling low on her waist as she leans in, their foreheads brushing for a moment. a charged pause.

“you good?” he asks, voice barely there.

her mouth tilts into a smirk that doesn’t reach her eyes — not yet — and then she kisses him.

it starts slow, all lips and warmth and quiet desperation. not rushed. not rough.

like they’re trying to remind each other that even in chaos, this is the one place they always come back to.

his fingers press into her back, her hips roll into his without even meaning to, and the tension between them unravels thread by thread.

her hands are in his hair now, tugging, anchoring herself as their mouths move together in sync — and he swears she tastes like frustration and espresso and whatever scent drives him fucking insane every time she walks past him in a hallway.

somewhere in the back of his mind, he hears the vacuum whir down the hall again. a reminder of where they are. who they aren’t supposed to be.

but it doesn’t matter right now.

not when she’s sighing into his mouth like this.

not when she’s melting into his chest like maybe she’s tired of holding the whole world up by herself.

he kisses her deeper — just once — before pulling back just enough to whisper against her lips,

“five minutes.”

she breathes a laugh, breathy and wrecked.

“we’re gonna need at least ten.”

his fingers curl into the waistband of her sweatpants, slow and deliberate — a quiet warning and a promise all in one. the fabric bunches beneath his grip, and he tugs just enough for her to feel it, to know what’s coming next.

but then —

the vacuum hums closer, louder, just outside the door.

they both freeze.

he leans in, lips brushing her ear now, voice low enough to blend with the rumble in the hall.

“you’ll have to be real quiet if you don’t wanna get caught, pretty girl.”

his voice does that thing to her — that husky drop, the weight of intention threading through every syllable. she shifts against him, hips tilting just slightly like her body’s answering before she can think, and that’s all he needs.

he helps her out of the sweatpants — slow and careful, keeping her steady as she steps out of them one leg at a time. it’s practiced, familiar, intimate in a way that makes the air in the room shift.

and then she’s back in his lap, straddling him again, bare thighs brushing denim, skin against skin with only a whisper of lace in between.

her hoodie’s still on. her converse are still on — something about that is stupidly hot, chaotic and casual like everything about her.

his hands trail up her thighs, thumbs skating along the edge of her underwear, a slow tease that makes her bite her bottom lip.

he leans back just enough to take her in — flushed cheeks, messy hair, mouth slightly parted, and that signature don’t fall for me look in her eyes that he knows is all smoke and mirrors.

“lace, huh?” he murmurs, fingertips brushing just under the hem of her panties. “you really didn’t plan on finishing that demo tonight.”

her nails dig into his shoulders in response — not enough to hurt, just enough to say shut up and keep going.

he grins, letting one hand slip up her hoodie, dragging his palm along warm skin, the curve of her waist.

“we’re on a clock, baby,” he whispers, thumb circling higher now, just barely grazing. “think you can stay quiet for me?”

and yeah, he says it like a challenge.

like he already knows she’s not gonna make it easy.

her breath catches — barely audible but unmistakable — as his thumb draws slow, lazy circles over lace. there’s nothing rushed about him, no urgency in the way he touches her. just quiet control. patience that only makes it worse.

or better.

depending on how you look at it.

she shivers under his hand, biting her lip so hard it might leave a mark, trying to keep it together even though her thighs are already trembling around his.

he smirks against the crook of her jaw, amused and maddeningly calm, as if they aren’t one thin wall away from getting caught, as if she isn’t already this undone and he’s barely even touched her.

“you’re shaking,” he whispers, breath hot against her skin. “and i haven’t even done anything yet.”

then his fingers slip under the lace — slow, deliberate — and she gasps, soft and sharp, her hands grabbing at his shoulders like they’re the only solid thing in the room.

he grins, lips brushing her cheek.

“uh-uh,” he murmurs, nudging his nose along her jaw. “remember what i said.”

she nods, swallowing hard, eyes glassy and unfocused.

and that’s when he guides her hand.

takes her wrist gently and brings it down, pressing her palm over his own hand, over the fingers teasing slow, torturous circles just where she needs them most.

“use my fingers,” he whispers, low and rough. “you know what you like.”

and she does.

her hand trembles as she starts to move — guiding him, hips rocking in quiet desperation. it’s messy, it's intimate, and so fucking real.

he lets her take control, but never lets go — his other hand pressing firm at the base of her spine, grounding her, holding her there, reminding her that she’s safe, she’s seen, she’s his — even if they’ll never say it.

every breath she exhales into his neck sounds like a confession.

every roll of her hips says i need you louder than words ever could.

and yoongi, voice barely audible, lips pressed to the shell of her ear, breathes out the one thing he knows will wreck her:

“that’s it, pretty girl. just like that.”

his breath is hot against her skin — ragged now, catching with every sound she makes, every tiny gasp she tries to swallow back like it’s not unraveling him completely.

his fingers move slower, deeper. stretching her gently, curling just enough to make her spine arch into him. he knows her body by now — every twitch, every soft curse under her breath, every time she presses her mouth to his shoulder to keep from moaning too loud.

she’s trying to be good. to be quiet.

and he’s not making it easy.

“so fuckin’ wet for me already,” he murmurs into her ear, voice low and dark and laced with a smile she can feel. “this what you needed, huh? not a break. just my fingers inside you while the whole building’s still awake.”

his lips trail down her neck, open-mouthed kisses that go from soft to claiming real quick — he sucks just under her jaw, enough pressure to leave a mark that won’t fade by morning. something she’ll complain about later with a smirk, trying to act like she’s mad, like she doesn’t love it.

she whimpers — the sound small and stifled, but there — and his teeth graze her skin right after.

“shh…” he soothes, lips brushing the red bloom he just left behind. “you’re doing so good, baby. so fuckin’ pretty like this, falling apart on my lap, hoodie on, shoes still on — god, you’re such a mess for me.”

his fingers stretch deeper now, his rhythm steady but ruthless — working her open while his free hand tightens on her hip, pulling her flush against him, letting her feel just how hard he is under her.

“you feel that?” he breathes out, grinding her down a little. “feel what you do to me?”

she nods, desperate, mouth parted and gasping — but he doesn’t stop.

he can’t.

not when she’s trembling like this, thighs twitching, hands clawing at his shoulders, his name falling off her lips in broken whispers she probably doesn’t even realize she’s saying.

not when she’s losing herself and still trying to hold it together, still trying to not moan loud enough to echo down the hall.

he kisses her collarbone, trailing down with slow reverence before whispering against her skin — filth laced in affection:

“come for me, pretty girl. be quiet if you can… but fuck, don’t hold back on my account.”

she’s trembling in his lap now — her entire body shivering with the aftermath of it, hips stuttering as she rides it out against his hand, making a mess all over his fingers, on his jeans, like she’s got nothing left to give.

but the way she’s gasping his name, barely even trying to be quiet anymore, the way her hands are still gripping his shirt like she’s starving — that’s when he knows.

she’s not done.

not even close.

"yoongi," she breathes, voice wrecked, pleading, pulling at his shirt now like she’ll unravel if he doesn’t do something now.

he kisses her jaw, quick, and helps her up without a word, hands strong and steady under her thighs as she finds her footing again, legs shaky, lips kiss-bitten and slightly parted.

“c’mon,” he says, voice low, firm, laced with need so thick it’s almost a growl. he turns her gently, guides her to lean over the back of the couch, her knees sinking into the worn cushions — and fuck, the sight of her like that?

it nearly undoes him.

she pulls off the hoodie in one smooth motion, tossing it somewhere behind her, hair falling wild and messy down her back. the black lace underwear’s still clinging to her thighs, barely pushed down, an afterthought now — and something about it makes his brain short-circuit.

he stands behind her, hands trailing down her spine, over the soft slope of her hips.

he could tease. he wants to tease.

but not now.

not when she’s already shaking for him, not when she’s arching her back just right, looking over her shoulder with that desperate, wrecked little expression that makes his cock twitch against his zipper.

he leans in, one hand sliding up her back, pressing down between her shoulder blades.

“you want it like this?” he whispers against her ear, hot and low.

she nods, frantic.

he barely tugs the underwear any further, just enough to expose her, to have her. he likes the way it looks bunched on her thighs, messy and rushed, like they never really had the patience to undress properly.

like they never do.

then he undoes his belt, the quiet clink loud in the stillness of the studio.

and just before he sinks into her, he leans down, pressing a kiss to the top of her spine, and mutters — low and reverent — like she’s the only thing he believes in,

“let me take care of you.”

his hands are rough now, no more of that slow build-up — it’s fast, all heat and urgency, all of it fueled by the risk, by how easy it would be for someone to walk by and hear the unmistakable sounds slipping out from under the door.

his fingers dig into the swell of her ass, spreading her open, thumbs pressing into skin like he owns it. he squeezes, slaps once — quick and sharp — just to watch her jolt forward on instinct, breath catching as she reaches for something to bite down on.

she grabs the old throw blanket folded lazily on the armrest — some gifted merch no one ever uses — and she sinks her teeth into it, moaning into the fabric like it’s the only thing keeping her from getting caught.

yoongi’s head falls back for a second at the sight of her like this — needy and wrecked and his, half-naked with her shoes still on, knees digging into a couch they’ve both crashed on too many times.

and he’s fast now. fucking into her like it’s the only thing tethering him to reality, low groans escaping his throat every time she clenches around him, every time her hips grind back like she’s just as desperate.

“look at you,” he pants, leaning in close, chest to her back. his hand tangles in her hair, not too hard, just enough to pull her head back so he can get to her ear, mouth brushing the shell of it. “biting that blanket like you don’t want the whole damn building to know how good i’m fucking you.”

she moans louder at that — muffled but loud — like the filth in his voice is winding her tighter.

“so fuckin’ needy,” he whispers, hips snapping into her, rhythm relentless. “you were practically begging for it, weren’t you? making a mess all over my hand, whining in my lap like a pretty little slut…”

he kisses the corner of her jaw, slow and messy.

"you think they’d still respect you if they saw you like this? bent over, drooling into a blanket while i fuck you stupid?"

her whole body shudders at that — hips twitching, back arching — and he grins, breathless.

“didn’t think so,” he murmurs, voice like velvet and smoke. “now be good, baby. stay quiet, take it all — and don’t you dare cum until i say so.”

yoongi swears under his breath, voice low and ragged, eyes locked on the slick, messy glide of her body swallowing him whole — over and over again. the mess she’s making of him, of herself, of the damn couch cushions. it’s obscene. it’s art.

he can’t look away.

the way her thighs tremble.

the slick sounds echoing in the tiny studio.

the blanket still caught between her teeth, now damp with spit and moans she’s too scared to let out.

it’s almost too much — almost.

he slows suddenly, pulls out with a slow drag that makes her gasp and arch back instinctively, trying to chase the friction.

but he’s already palming himself, thick and flushed and dripping — dragging the head of his cock right against her swollen clit.

“yoongi—” she breathes, voice high and strung out, hips bucking back, needing more — needing anything.

he grins, lazily, running himself along her, smearing her wetness in tight little circles. messy, filthy pressure, just enough to make her legs shake.

“fuck, look at this,” he groans, thumbing her open again just to see the way she twitches. “you’re so wet for me, pretty girl. making a goddamn mess all over my cock, and i haven’t even finished with you yet.”

he pushes in just the tip — enough to make her cry out into the blanket — and pulls back again to rub slow circles against her clit, dragging the head across her like he’s trying to brand her with it.

“you like that?” he murmurs, watching her hips try to press back into him. “like how it feels when i tease you like this? you want more?”

she nods desperately, a muffled please slipping out around the fabric in her mouth, and it’s so sweet, so fucking perfect, it makes his grip on her hair tighten just a little.

“you’re gonna lose your mind if i don’t give it to you, huh?” he growls, circling her clit again, wet and hot and just enough to make her shake. “but i like watching you fall apart like this. so messy, so loud without even saying a word.”

he leans in close again, lips ghosting over her ear, voice lower than before — dangerous.

“keep that blanket right there, baby. ‘cause when i finally fuck you again… you’re gonna need something to scream into.”

he can feel it building — low in his spine, thick in his blood, the kind of tension that’s impossible to slow down once it starts burning through his veins. she’s soaked, her thighs trembling against his, back arching every time he drags himself over that perfect spot, and he’s dangerously close to losing it.

he pulls her up gently, not because he wants to be sweet — though he is, in his own way — but because he needs a better angle. needs to see her face, her wrecked little expressions. needs to feel her falling apart with him.

“come here,” he mutters, helping her shift, guiding her down onto her side, her legs curling slightly as he lays behind her. he hooks one arm under her knee, holding it up to keep her open, the other snaking around her waist to pull her flush against him.

and then he’s back inside her — deeper like this, slower for a second, but heavier, more intense.

“fuck, baby,” he grits, mouth pressed to the back of her neck, teeth grazing skin. “you’re so tight like this… you were made for this.”

she lets out a breathy, muffled moan — lips parted, eyes fluttering — and it’s so much, the intimacy, the sweat, the quiet gasps between them. the danger of getting caught still sharp in the background, echoing with every thrust.

he’s close — too close — and when she reaches behind her, fingers barely brushing his hip like she’s trying to pull him even deeper, that’s what does it.

“shit—” he groans, deep and rough, burying his face in her shoulder as he pulls out quickly, hand wrapping around himself.

in just a few rough strokes, he’s coming hard — hot and messy, thick spurts landing right across the black lace of her underwear still tangled around her thighs. he pants against her, forehead pressed to her back, hand steadying himself against her hip as the tremors run through him.

“fuck,” he whispers, breathless. “you’re gonna be the death of me.”

they’re still tangled like that — her on her side, flushed and slick, his cum cooling on her thighs and lace — when a knock slices through the air.

sharp.

loud.

too real.

they both freeze.

she shoots him a wide-eyed look over her shoulder, and yoongi curses under his breath as he scrambles for her hoodie, tossing it over her bare chest while trying to zip himself up with one hand.

“(y/n)-ssi?” a voice calls politely from the hallway. a young male staffer, probably an intern. “i was told to remind you about the morning meeting. they asked if you could check your email before you leave.”

yoongi presses a finger to his lips, mouthing don’t laugh when she lets out a wheeze and nearly chokes on it, face buried in the blanket again.

“thanks!” she croaks out after a second, voice not nearly as steady as she wants it to be. “i’ll check in a bit!”

silence. footsteps retreat. door remains mercifully shut.

yoongi leans down, pressing a kiss to her shoulder, voice smug and low and just as wrecked as she is.

“you owe me a new pair of jeans,” he murmurs.

“and maybe a warning next time you decide to look that fuckable in sweatpants.”

-quietly always, cigarettesuga.

[mintmatcha]

cw: a weird vent piece lol, suicide mention, no quirks au, mentally ill reader

You always fuck with your shirt on. You'd wear more, if you could, but you haven't figured out how to do it with your pants on yet.

You pull the sheets over your sweat chilled legs and hope he didn't notice the spots you missed shaving. If he did, Natsuo doesn't seem to mind. His arm is tucked under your head, muscle fibers occasionally twitching underneath you and turning the soft mass dense.

Sometimes, Natsuo keeps his shirt on too. Neither of you have ever asked the other about it; there's a mutual understanding when a hand is stopped.

"Do you work tonight?" he asks.

You shake your head as his body relaxes deeper into the mattress.

"I'm gonna do laundry if you want to throw your stuff in," he mumbles, "I'll get you junk to sleep in."

The medical textbooks he was studying are still on the floor, flipped to random pages of different cycles and tissues, abandoned in exchange for you. If Natsuo fails his midterms, it'll be your fault. If he passes, he'll be leaving the city next semester for his hospital rotations.

Part of you wants him to fail. It's that dirty, evil part that no one else seems to have, the part you try to starve, but it keeps growing anyway. It nips at you whenever the room gets too quiet.

It's teeth are extra sharp today.

"You're so sweet." You speak into his skin, "I don't know how you're still single."

A sharp inhale is sucked through his teeth, cutting through his smile. Natsuo takes in all of your features and you know he's wondering why you're saying these things-- why you're purposefully bringing this up.

"Well, sweetie-" His tone is light, like he's avoiding stepping on glass, stepping on glass. With every word, he walks his fingers on your arm, spanning from elbow to shoulder, "I'm only single because you keep turning me down."

The overhead fan whizzes. The part you try to starve sinks its teeth into your chest.

"Natsuo, we've talked about this," you say, "I don't date."

You sit up and swing a leg over him, straddling his hips. A trail of white hair runs down his stomach and down under the sheets, disappearing where the two of you meet. He holds you by the hem of your tee, just tight enough to hold you in place.

"Would it be so bad?" he whispers.

"Here's what would happen, alright?" You brush your fingers through his sweat touched hair and it bounces right back into place the second you pull away. It makes you giggle a bit and he mirrors you, an unsure, foolish optimism in his eyes, "Let's just say I met this wonderful, beautiful boy and tricked-"

"Tricked?" he scoffs.

"Tricked him into loving me." You want to kiss him, but it feels cruel for both of you. Instead, you just cup his jaw in your hands and cradle him, letting the weight of him slump into your palms, "He'd treat me right and bring me home to meet his parents, 'cause he was raised right and, even though he's really smart, he'd think he's in love."

Fingers squeeze at your hips.

"But the second I left, his parents would tell him that he deserves someone prettier and smarter and, and, and better," you say, "And they'd be right."

“My mom’s nice," He drops your pretense with a whisper, ruining your not so careful charade. “She wouldn’t say that.”

He doesn’t mention his dad. There’s a silent sentence there. One that says, “But he might.” It’s hard to keep your brain from sticking to that point, from sticking your thumb into this metaphorical soft spot.

“I mean, she wouldn’t say it out loud, but she’d think it," you say, “She’d sit there and think ‘that girl's not good enough for my son' and she'd be right."

He scoff he lets out is uneasy, almost a songed laugh, more pained than annoyed. "My mom is nice."

This conversation is hurting him, but you can't stop yourself.

"And they'd tell you to break up with me, but you wouldn't listen to them, 'cause you're head strong like that. You'd probably date me in spite of them for while," you ramble, "But then you'd go away and you'd meet some pretty, normal girl and you'd realize they were right. They were always right. I was right."

The overhead fan whizzes.

"So, it's better if I just don't date at all,"

Natsuo's grip dissolves and you think you see it then - the moment whatever is between you dies. A hollowness passes over his features, empty eyes and sucked cheeks, as he ducks his head down to rest his face against your chest. Chin against the soft of your tits, he seems farther away than ever.

You could gloat. You could cry. You're a self-fulfilling prophecy once again.

Natsuo sighs and his words slip so easily from him that you almost don't process what he's saying. "You're so sad. I wish you'd get help."

That catches you off guard. The control over this conversation is ripped away, your curtain drops, and you suddenly feel very, horribly seen.

"What?" You try to laugh it off, leaning back to escape the way he watches you.

"Sometimes I wake up and you're not here," he says, "And I worry that's the last time I'll ever see you."

You understand the implication.

"I'm not gonna kill myself." It might be the truth, you think.

"Yeah," His arms wrap around your waist again, snaking the air from your lungs, "Touya promised me that too."

Touya is only ever mentioned over too many beers and tears you're not allowed to remember the next morning. He was only 16, only a couple years older than Natsuo, but the ghosts still linger to this day, always tucked into the back of the room, stalking, haunting.

Natsuo comes from money and fame. His apartment is paid for by his father. He's never had to work to afford food. At first, you resented him for that; you wanted that ease and safety his family afforded him.

But everything comes at a cost. Every unhappy family is unhappy in there own ways.

"I'm sorry that you keep loving things that break." That is the truth. You're just the end of a line of his mistakes, starting all the way at mom and dad and trailing through every girlfriend ever since.

"I do love you. And it's not despite the fact you're 'broken'," Natsuo takes your hand with a resounding firmness. It reminds you of that thing they say about golden retrievers; the smart ones can hold an egg in their jaws without shattering the shell. Natsuo holds you like he understands you in some deep, intrinsic way, "Or because of it or whatever."

He doesn't look away, those bright, wide eyes bluer than ever.

"I just like all your little pieces." He kisses your knuckles one by one, trailing from thumb to pinkie to thumb again.

The room is silent. The bad part of you is no longer begging to eat. Maybe it's full for now, but you know it's just out of focus, stalking in the dark, biding its time.

"You should study." You slip from him and reclaim your own space in the bed. After a long, simple pause, Natsuo gets up himself, collecting his boxers from the floor.

"Yeah," he says, "You're right."

The hurt you've caused is no longer comfortable to live in. Your mouth is dry, thirsty for a change you're not sure how to make. Recovery feels like a big leap-- loving and being loved feels every farther away.

All you can do is shuffle your feet against the sheets and take the tiniest step towards normalcy.

"Do you want to get brunch tomorrow before your classes?" you offer your olive branch, your silent promise, "I'll pay."

He weighs this, measuring it for sincerity, then smiles just wide enough your get a glimpse of teeth.

"Let me get you something to sleep in."

For now, it's enough.

[en-trashy]

Prey 심재윤

Jake is paired with y/n for a project, but he started to get obsessed with how lonely she is wanting her only for him

8.8k

Part 2

Tw: dub-con, yandere? Idk but he's an asshole, humiliation, basically a kidnapping occurs, nakedness, punishments and spanks, dry humping, mentions of virginity and taking advantage of it, Stockholm Syndrome? I guess

Jake calls y/n pup and pinkie referring to a baby mouse

Important: I feel like I shouldn't even say this because we're all rational people and we all know this is fiction, that it's not a big deal, know that if you read this is because you wanted to. I would say that you have to be over 18 to read this, I'm not responsible for the things you decide as your media consumption, certainly I don't believe Jake or anyone in Enha is like this because this is just fiction.

How did it happen? It was a regular day of classes, nothing out of the usual, she took her lectures in silence at the back of the classroom, it was the last one for today when her professor paired her with Sim Jaeyun, she waited until everyone else was gone to talk with her professor.

-excuse me Mr Kim- he was picking up his things looking up at her- I think it was a mistake, you said I'll be paired with Sim… you allowed me to work alone all the semester- Mr Kim sighs

-I know I promised you that, but I need your help this time, you're my top student and Sim needs discipline maybe you can help me with that, just this one time I beg you- and like if they summoned the devil himself Jaeyun entered the classroom with a paper on hand

-doctors appointment- he give a devil smirk about to go 

-Sim come back here- the professor saw the paper clearly fake- attendance is key to have the credits for this class, you barely have it, this is fake I cannot accept it- Jaeyun was about to protest but the professor didn't let him- this is the last call or you'll be taking this class next summer, you're paired with miss Y/l/n that be 50% of your grade and your exam the other 50% so it better be good 

-mr Kim please, I- I can work alone I think it be better for me- she stutter in a tiny voice almost like if she didn't want for Sim to listen

-i'm sorry but I really need this favor from you, I'll give you extra credit and the letter for your internship, please just this small favor- she feels split but ended up nodding in affirmation 

Jaeyun was intrigued by her, why he never saw her before? Okay he wasn't often at classes but he was well aware of the girls at school, since it was his main interest. He saw her rush out of the classroom, she was trying to get on time to her job, she holds her bag squeezing herself between the bodies of the other students, once at the door someone pulled her from the wrist, she looks up.

-are you in a hurry?- Jaeyun’s voice startled her, she just nods- okay give me your number so we can get to an agreement around my schedule to work in that thing together- he smirks and she takes her hand off him

-i'll do everything, two days before the final I'll give you a copy and notes so you can study and tell professor Kim anything in case he ask- she quickly turned around to leave but he catches her again this time pulling her close to his chest

-oh little mouse it won't be nice on my side to let you do all by yourself, I'm sure we can have a good time together- he checked her body even with the oversized garments he could tell the shape of her boobs- I have my apartment all alone for us, no distractions- he smirks and she instinctively covered herself like if she was naked, she knew the deal with him and his friends, they were popular because they're the playboys at college, more than half of the campus if the female type had already been involved with one of them and the stories about how good they're always run in the corridors, almost like if they're sex gods or demons

-hi Jakey- a girl pushed her out of her target- I'm gonna have little birthday party on Friday and I'm hoping for you to go, is casual nothing to glam or something- Jaeyun scanned her body shamelessly she smiles 

-yeah? Birthday Girl- he started to flirt right away reaching for a strand of hair to put it behind her ear- what should I wear?

Y/n heard how they flirt and took that opportunity to run away from him, she arrived a minute late to her work smiling like an apology to her boss, she was part time librarian, a perfect place for her peaceful and she can do her homework there, the payment was good for her alone and along with the scholarship she was living comfortably. It was a nice quiet life just like her in general; she arranged books on shelves all afternoon, she did her job and also started with the project, finishing a big part of it.

By ten the public library close and that's the time she normally uses to walk to the mini market to buy her groceries and then walk home, an easy life, she cooks for the next day to have lunch ready, prepared her clothes for tomorrow morning, her bag and everything else, shower, skincare, and bed time, all her life meticulously planned and following her own standards of good and efficiency.

Jake ended up intrigued about his partner for the project, after he was invited to the party on Friday he expected for her to be there waiting for him but y/n was gone, vanished and he didn't have an idea of where she would go. The next day he arrived early to school, something unusual in him trying to get a glimpse of her, the corridors at this hour were almost empty, he looked at the students so calmly walking to get on their future classes but not her, maybe she doesn't have class so early. Why was he so interested in her? She isn't the type of girl he likes and he never saw her before, like if she didn't exist until they were paired together, never heard her talk, or saw her on the corridors or parties, never heard her name… just then, like if Jake was starstruck he froze seeing her rush when clearly there's enough time to get to class without having to run, holding her bag and books tightly against her chest, getting inside, he followed her scanning the room spotting her at the back, last row, seat on the corner doing her homework headphones on, he just watched her from the other side of the classroom admiring her, taking in completely on how she looks.

So on the whole week he pay more attention on the places y/n goes, her classes; she didn't have friends at least what he saw, she always disappears at lunch time or breaks, she never stepped in the cafeteria or the food places around their college, most of her free time she sneaks into the library. She's elusive, sometimes she just disappears before Jake can follow her and know where she's going, always running to classes like if she's going late but always arriving 10 minutes before.

He was so intrigued by her, maybe because she's the complete opposite of what he usually likes, yes, his body count was impressive the same as his friends, so he couldn't say he has a type of girl, but even though, he liked to see their bodies under the clothing, at least the shape to imagine how it will be naked, he loved tight fitted dresses, mini skirts and crop tops, but with her not a single time a garment like that, always baggy pants and oversized t-shirts and hoodies, the rare time he saw her wearing a skirt or a dress was also baggy and long; also her personality was nothing like he was used to, he had hooked up shy girls but y/n was something else, she didn't talk to anyone not even a forced hi on the corridors with acquainted, always with her headphones on, without going to the areas where usually people crowded, she's always on the spots far away from anyone, he often wondered why it was like that she didn't seem rude for people to not like her, maybe it was entirely that she didn't like anyone.

Jake's interest only grew day by day, watching her it was something regular for him, even the girls he often were around him flirting noticed how he was holding them and sometimes making out but his gaze followed someone else, and when he finally spotted that someone the making out was more intense and his hands more touchy; it was true, the moment y/n appears on his line of vision something in him switch, as he can only fantasize in making out with her, in how would it feel her body what type of noises she would make.

After a whole week of only seeing her he decided to approach, not to speak because she wouldn't even listen because of the headphones, but he started to create casual encounters, even some mild touches when the hall was crowded, he would be behind her rubbing his crotch with her butt, or running on an empty hall pushing her just to be able to hold her so she doesn't fall, just one time he was really bolt palming her butt cheek and it was his official downfall because now he knows how it feels, the shape, the size. But what actually made him crazy was the time he “accidentally” spilled water after they crash, he just looked down on her, she was trembling because of the cold spilled all over and Jaeyun's cold glare on her, she mumbled a sorry before running away from that, leaving Jake smiling her white t-shirt let him saw the shape of her body translucent and clinging to her skin, he finally had material to think on her naked, that day the only thing Jake wanted was to know the color of her nipples of her pussy, how would it feel, he called one of the girls he used to fuck with for a night, he couldn't care who she was because his mind was flooded with y/n, he was down bad obsessed with her, he wanted to devour her, to posses her, to keep her only for himself.

The weather was changing and in particular that morning it was foggy and cold, but Jake woke up hot and with a boner, the image of y/n undressing felt too real, he woke up dazed looking at his bedroom and the girl naked next to him, he cursed not even caring if his companion is still sleeping, he just spits on his hand covering his length in saliva, pushing inside, it was rough and desperate searching for release, when she woke up he immediately silenced kissing her, he didn't want his fantasy to break so he didn't let whoever she was to speak, also he moaned on her lips because probably y/n’s name would slip out of them.

After taking a shower and sending his date on her way he went to school, unusually early, he immediately spotted y/n going to their class and he followed her inside, like expected usual seat, he went straight to her and sits really close to her cornering her even more, he removed her headphones startling her, she looks at him like a deer in the headlights.

-morning little mouse- he takes a piece of her hair playing with it between his fingers

-I almost finished with the project, I'll be done by the end of the week- she whispered making him smirk

-I don't care about that, I came to see you- he smiles and she feels a chill running down her spine- I was wondering if you wanna have lunch with me, I know a really good place near here, we can go and we can go somewhere more private after- she blush intensely

-i I… I can't… and please stop that- his beautiful face morph into a frown- I don't appreciate you trying to induce me into having casual sex- she takes her headphones putting them back again

Jake faced for the first time rejection, but instead of making him angry it amused him, she's a nobody yet she didn't want anything from him, he smiles and stayed next to her, touching her hair or clothes making her squeak surprised each time, but he couldn't help it, he's obsessed with the reactions and sounds he gets from her, how each time she corners herself more; when the class started he stayed there even their professor pointed he was on time finally, everyone look at him and her because their bodies were so close to each other, so close, some girls started to whisper about it, when everyone is paying attention, or pretending to do it, she got her sense of calmness again putting all her attention on what her professor was saying she got so into the topic that she didn't noticed how he is looking at her like if she's a prey, is cute for Jake how she pouts or bites her lips, he's hungry and wants to devour her, each second next to her was unbearable without feeling her so he gets close to her wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her on his side she jolts and squirm trying to get away from him, his other hand is resting on her thigh really up.

-please stop- she said in a whisper not wanting to bother the class

-I wish you were wearing a skirt, a short one- his hand caress her all the way up until she stopped him alarmed- you smell so good, which perfume do you use?- he leaned to bury his nose on her neck making her squeak

-mr Sim and miss y/l/n, please out of my class- her professor talked turning everyone's head to her again she was stunned

-but please… I l didn't do anything- her voice stutter

-miss y/n, I'm very disappointed of you, I'll see you in my office after classes, now you may leave- she just nods collecting her things on her bag holding back her tears

She went out followed by him, once in the hall she let out the sob she was containing, pressing her bag to her chest, Jake frowns, not understanding why she's crying but still he pulled her to his chest hugging her body and she was petrified, his hands on her waist rubbing circles there.

-is your fault- she tried to push him away but he wrapped his arm tighter around not letting pull away

-is not big deal little mouse- he's still smirking seeing her squirm on his embrace

-i can lose my scholarship, is big deal- she sobs harder

-sorry okay- he wasn't sincere- let's go- he didn't even wait for a response lifting her over his shoulder and carrying her to somewhere else- right now I really wish you having a cute skirt

She trashed around trying to get off him and his hands touching her legs inching closer to her bottom, he takes her to an empty classroom in the old building, nobody else ever went there since it was disabled, he put her down and got comfortable in a couch, the only seat there, he holds her waist pulling her to his lap, but she was resisting.

-c’mon mousey not gonna eat you- he smiles devilishly- not unless you want me to

-is everything about sex for you?- she frowns standing between his legs but still refusing to sit on his lap, his hands massaging her sides

-only when I see a hot girl- he more softly was pulling her to his lap- also you're pretty and I'm intrigued… c'mon sit I promise I'm not gonna do anything

-i'm not pretty or hot stop lying to get on my pants- she whispered flushed her cheeks burning in embarrassment- if you touch me inappropriately I have pepper spray and won't hesitate to use it- She sits slowly on one of his legs

-you do look pretty- he smiles getting her legs across his lap- now tell me pretty mouse why are you so tight on your school?- he started to play with her hair

-I need my scholarship… I need to be good I can't get in trouble but now- she pouts about to cry again- it's your fault Jaeyun- she push his shoulder but he takes her hand and kiss her fingers

-Jake, not Jaeyun… I already said I'm sorry

-but you don't mean it- she's whining and Jake feels himself twitch, regretting not noticing her before- you did it on purpose and now I'm in trouble- he cups her face

-i'll talk with the scholarship committee- she was about to protest- I have my contacts. How do you think I'm still enrolled in this place if I don't go to classes… you don't have to worry this pretty head of yours can be sure everything will be fine- he slowly gets close to her face- can you let me kiss you at least?

-you promise everything will be alright?- she looks at him still not sure if believe him

-yes, I'll talk to the professor too, the committee, the dean, anyone so you don't worry- he sounds sincere so she leans to peck his cheek- don't you think I deserve something better?

-I don't- she looks at him ashamed- I don't do that stuff you do with girls in the corridors

-it won't be that… just a kiss please I'm dying for it- he sounds so soft and she feels like if she's attracted to him, like something is pulling her to him, his face was inching closer and when he was about to kiss her she turned her face and his lips landed on her cheek- my little mouse really despises me- instead of stopping he started to kiss her cheek and jaw, it made her feel lightheaded the way his lips feels on her flushed skin- why are you being so cruel to me?- his voice was like honey and the kisses feels so good, so good she was losing her coherent thoughts, he dipped his face on her neck kissing her sensitive skin- so pretty like this- she moaned when he kissed behind her ear, his hands a little more free roaming on her body, one of his hands groping her butt cheeks and that gave her a sense of lucidity

-stop please- she tried to push him but he held her tighter, groping her body, now one of his hands is on her breasts- please Jaeyun I don't want it… I don't like it- she pushes him but he's holding her and pulling her to his chest, is not soft anymore, is rough and it hurts when he squeezes her breasts- please… please stop- she started to feel powerless like a rag doll, the little moans are not of pleasure but of pain, Jaeyun didn't even care he holds her hands so she stops pushing him, holding the back of her neck to pull her in a messy kiss, she gasped and he pushed his tongue inside making her cry, tears streams down her cheeks and the sob she let out is what makes him pull apart

-mousey what's wrong?- he cups her face again wiping the tears from her cheeks

-don't call me that…- she pushed him and got up- don't you ever dare to come near me- she collected her things and ran, Jake went behind her but one of his friends saw him and got on his way not catching her.

Y/n fled and locked herself in a bathroom stall to cry, until it was time to go to her next class, she looked around to not cross paths with Jaeyun, she ran inside her classroom, following her classes as normal trying to erase that feeling he left on her skin. She finished everything and went to the office of her professor, ready for him to tell her that her scholarship will be removed because of her behavior.

-miss y/l/n, take a seat- she nervously did as he said- what happened today certainly I didn't expected from you- he searched on his papers and she feels her heart stop- but probably is my fault for pairing you together, here…- he handed her a letter- I'm sorry for giving you such a workload, you have a bright future ahead I shouldn't be the one putting a bump in the road but the one helping you… the letter for the internship and your extra credit, I'll keep your perfect attendance, you can retake this class tomorrow afternoon- she smiles the weight she felt before completely gone now

-thank you so much, I promise it won't happen again and won't let you down- her professor dismissed her.

Outside was Jaeyun waiting for her, she froze, just when he was about to touch her she pushed him and tried to run away, but Jake caught her, pulling her to his chest.

-let me go- she trashed but he just hold her

-I just wanna talk, what happened? I thought we were on the same page you wanted at first- he cups her face looking at her big surprised eyes- sorry I just couldn't resist you

-is something dumb- y/n tried to go but Jake's voice was sweet again like honey, sticking on her brain

-no, is not dumb… tell me, I wanna know what's wrong- his thumbs were making circles on her cheeks, she feels lightheaded his eyes soft on her making her say the truth

-it was my first kiss… it should be special… but, but treat me like you treat anyone else- her eyes tear up- and you touched me and it hurts, I didn't like it- Jake pouts

-I'm sorry my pretty mouse, I didn't knew… you didn't told me- he gets close to her kissing the corner of her lips- I should have made you feel special… you're my pretty little mouse you're not just anyone you’re my girl

-when you touched me you hurt me, it was so rough- her tears run down her cheeks and Jake kiss them away taking in the salty taste

-sorry for that it wasn't my intention I just lost control, you're so sexy and pretty I couldn't stop myself… I didn't knew you were inexperienced- he gently pecks her lips embracing her body in a hug she let him do that, she leaned to kiss his lips feeling again that magnetism that pulls her to him- we still can do better than that- he cups her face giving her a passionate but still soft kiss that she timidly responded- that's my girl- Jake smiles after pulling apart giving a little pat on her bottom

-I have to go…- she pulled apart- I'll see you tomorrow Jake

-i'll see you tomorrow mousey

She waved a bye before leaving to her job, still feeling butterflies on her tummy after what happened, she did her job but with an unusual smile on her face, a smile that gave away how she's feeling.

The next day she still couldn't take off her smile, arriving at school was now sort of a dream, she was excited to see someone for the first time usually she just wants to be away and unnoticed but today she even wear a skirt for Jake not short like he likes but something pretty, she took her bag and waited for Jake sitting on a bench, she waited even if that means she won't be as early as she likes but it was okay, his car was parking now and she got up happily, whatsoever a girl came down from the passenger seat, Jake pulled her to him kissing her messy with a lot of tongue.

-can’t believe it, it's the third time he takes Eunbi to fuck and he even share his bed all night like if they're a couple because she likes it that way- his friends were talking and laughing watching Jake, she stepped back

-I don't know what's wrong with him… it's been acting weird since he started a thing with the creep girl- she knows is wrong to listen to other people's conversations, but still she stayed there behind his friends hiding in the corridor

-yeah I don't know how much Sunghoon paid for Jake to go out with the creep… What's her name?... Y/n- she heard, everything but on her ears the sound of her own heart shattering was making an echo

-must be a good payment to even talk to her I'll never do it… unless it's a grand- they laughed and just when Jake was getting closer she sneaks into the school trying to not be seen.

She took her normal classes, luckily today they don't have any in common, so she can avoid him pretty easy, all day she tried to put her thoughts away from him, but it was impossible, her brain working coming up with a plan to not be around Jaeyun again, it hurts a lot, especially because now it seems obvious what was going on, y/n noticed how he was more often close to her but she thought it was her imagination, but after what happened today she confirmed that those fleeting and accidental touches weren't accidental he meant each one of them, she feels used, why he would want to be with her? It was a bet between him and his friends, she sighed her peaceful quiet life was shaken and stirred but no more, she won't let someone like him get on her peace of mind. Even if she didn't want tears run down her face every time she remembers him, or how her heart beats faster when she thinks he's close, silly things like the smell of his perfume, or a glimpse of him, his voice even if it's far away, she cries and runs away from them.

It's been a week since Jake last saw y/n, he never found her in the corridors or the usual routes she would take, now he felt more like if she's a little mouse sneaking around hiding in the shadows, was she alright? She isn't the type to just miss classes, maybe she's sick or injured…

-hey Jake- his train of thinking stopped when Heeseung called him

-hey are we still up for today?

-yeah, I'll go with one of the Kang twins, her sister will be lonely maybe you or Sunghoon can take her

-that's why you're my best friend

-i know… oh by the way a strange girl gave me this yesterday- Heeseung handed him the project and handmade flash cards with the topics and important points- the creep one, really weird, not so pretty baggy clothes, she told me you'll know who is

-don't talk about her like that- Jake frowns and talks really angry reading the project

-chill out dude is not like she's your girl… just a weirdo I would pay you as a joke to fuck- Heeseung laughs and pat his back leaving Jake alone

So she in fact was here at school, just avoiding him, he arrived early at his class and took her usual seat, she wasn't there yet, he checked the time and it was late on her own standards of punctuality, he was getting impatient when the bell ring and their professor walked in, behind him y/n but not late or rushing instead like if they walked together to here, he took his bag from the seat next to him waiting for her to go there as she always does, but she sit in the front row, first seat, he frowns and didn't even tried to put attention only watching her, how she's on her own little world, at the end of the class he picked everything really fast to catch her but she stayed next to their professor talking about the topic of this class and they went together passing him completely ignoring Jake on the hall, y/n was smiling while speaking about something, they're walking to Mr Kim office while Jake looks at them and he feels rage filling him, why she would want to be with their professor? Was she one of those who liked older men? That's how she kept her scholarship? Jake couldn't bear that though, she looked so innocent, maybe what Heeseung always said was true, the innocent ones are the most nasty, and if the little mouse wants to be nasty she will but for Jake only not some old dude.

The rest of the week Jake watched her all the time and how she spent almost all her free time in the office of their professor, both locked inside, she's so shameless not even trying to hide she is a creep begging for her professor's attention. He was angry and added to this he hasn't had any type of action with any girl, but today he would have a chance since his friends are throwing a party, he went home and got ready, before leaving. It's the usual party for him, loud, busy and full, he was with friends, drinking and kissing strangers, having a good time, feeling weightless now, dizzy and horny, he takes the girl he's with to an empty storage room lifting her skirt and kissing her messy, his pants pulled down and he pushed inside not even caring about her, but she was moaning so he didn't slowed down, it was great until he moaned y/n's name, the girl offended pushed him and slapped his cheek calling him an asshole before leaving him alone, he was now frustrated, what is wrong with him? He didn't even like y/n why is he acting this way? Why he even care?, unable to keep partying he left early, driving to his apartment just when the heavy rain started, he was still a little dazed from the alcohol in his system but it was clear that the girl trapped at the bus stop was y/n already soaked and trembling, he pulled up in front of her rolling down the window.

-looks like my little mouse is in trouble- he smirks- c'mon get in- she shakes her head no- don't be difficult you're wet and the bus don't run at this hour…- but she didn't move hugging herself to keep the slight warm of her body- gonna get you myself little mouse- he smiles when she turns around giving him her back- fine I'll catch my prey- he went down straight to her, she tried to run but Jake quickly took her over the shoulder carrying her

-put me down- she's squirming- don't wanna go with you

-you're a bad girl, first ignoring me, then fucking our teacher, now this- he slapped her butt cheek making her cry- but I'll make you a good girl again- he opened the door putting her on the passenger seat locking her there, he quickly got on the driver's spot- gonna have to tame you- he squeeze her cheeks pulling her for a rough kiss she can feel the taste of the alcohol on his mouth pushing him

-let me go, please- she panics seeing him out of himself, almost violent and driving under the influence of alcohol- please Jaeyun I… I need to go home

-shut up before I make you- he holds tight the steering wheel driving, the car is silent except for her sobbing

He pulled up in the parking lot of the building he lives in, getting off the car to her side picking her again, it was so easy the way he lifts and puts her over his shoulder spanking her bottom every time she tried to get off, on the elevator he was touching her legs touching her butt cheeks so shamelessly making her cry and complain.

-please stop, wanna go home

-oh my little mouse this is your home until you learn how to be my good girl- she cried and sobs harder

When he entered his apartment, he took her directly to his room and she panicked, Jake made sure to lock the door behind him before leaving her standing there, he got close and started to take off her wet clothes, she put up resistance crying harder and begging him to stop.

-please just let me go I won't tell anyone, please I need to go- all went to deaf ears he took off her hoodie, instinctively she covered herself- please Jaeyun… please- she was trying to stop his hands but he just forced her- please no, i dont want it- when she cried harder he had enough

-you're acting like if im hurting you, crying like if im hitting you- he took her to bed leaving her there to force her clothes off her body- look at that… my little mouse covered her body all this time- he hovered over her taking in the way she looks under him naked, his hand caressing her exposed cold skin, she's trembling- you were hiding it from everyone because it's just for me, right?- she couldn't even talk, just crying under him petrified- FUCKING SAY IT… you're for me, mine- the screaming made her whimper

-yours Jaeyun… -her voice was broken and like a whisper but it made Jake happy at least for now

-you're so pretty like this- his hands started to play with her breasts- look at these so beautiful… I'm being careful now because my mousey is inexperienced- he gives a gentle squeeze on her breasts making her moan softly- I need to be careful so you don't run away again… so you don't ignore me again… you don't know how much you hurt me when you weren't close to me- his hand started to go down on her body- how much I suffered thinking in you locked up with Mr Kim at his office- his fingers ghosted over her pussy lips and she holds her breath- how much I wanted to break his fingers because he was touching my little mouse… this cute body is mine that's why I was your first kiss… because I'm gonna be your first everything- he started to rub her clit moaning involuntarily at the feeling of his fingers- you don't have and idea how many girls I fucked thinking they were you

She was only crying feeling him touch her, her sobbings are drowning her, tears non stop, she couldn't talk or move feeling so afraid of Jake, his eyes lust filled and maniac, all the things he's saying, everything is too much and she feels like passing out, her body slowly shutting down until everything was a blackout and she passed on bed.

She woke up several hours later, her head pulsing and hurting so badly, she looks around panicking when she didn't recognize where she's sleeping, then she felt it on her, an arm laying heavy and possessive on her waist Jake's breathing on her nape, she takes conscienes about her surroundings the sensations in her body, maybe if she moves slowly she can get off his embrace, slowly she's making her way out of bed but something was choking her, she touched around her throat and some type of leather was there and a chain linked to the bedpost.

-don't even try little mouse- his groggy morning voice resonate on the darkness- you're mine now and you can't just leave like this- he kissed behind her ear- now go back to sleep mousey before I get angry… you haven't receive your punishment for being such a bad girl last night tossing around and crying like if I was hurting you, so don't make it worse for you when we both start our day- he kiss her neck- go back to sleep

Jake's arm holds her tighter, she rest her head on the pillow feeling tears run down but she didn't make a noise, not sure if she can go back to sleep so she stays there, confused and broken, after she blackout she doesn't know what Jake can possibly had done, she's virgin or at least was before last night, trying to concentrate to check if she feels something unusual or different but no, besides the exhaustion from crying she doesn't feel any pain. She's still naked and she can feel his bare chest, but his legs are covered, maybe if he did something was careful with her, right now y/n doesn't know if she preferred to be awake to know what he did or if it was best to just pass and never know how he took advantage of her.

Maybe it was minutes or hours she doesn't know, her brain is conflicted, but by the time Jake woke up she was still unmoving looking at the corner in the room, he started to kiss her shoulders, caressing her body.

-morning mousey- he unleashed the collar manhandling her so she can now face him- you have to understand that what I'm about to do is because you still don't know how to behave so you have to learn okay?- he kiss her softly getting up bed into his closet taking a leather paddle, he walked to bed sitting on the edge- we'll do just two… come here lay on my lap- she was surprised quickly understanding that he's gonna spank her

-please no, please Jaeyun- he looks angry now extending his hand to guide her

-three… -she nods afraid knowing she doesn't have any other option, she takes his hand he placed her across his lap on her tummy, her legs touching the cold tiles the air freezing on her warm skin- I'll tame you back into a good girl- he gives the first spank, the paddle heavy leaving a hot sting sensation on her skin making her whimper- four it is

-but I didn't…- the second paddle landed harder

-five then love…- his hand gently caresses her hot skin taking away some of the pain- little mouse must like this so much that she's complaining and making noises to receive more- the third spank surprised her and hurt more because of her raw skin- that's better, you're such a fast learner- the fourth leaves a burning sensation but the five was the worst landed heavy on her bottom, it burns and leaves her out of breath her tears run down her face but she bites her tongue to not make noise- see? wasn't so bad if you behave we won't do this again- Jake manhandle her cradling her like a baby seeing her tears, he couldn't help but to feel aroused seeing her like this, naked, broken and crying- my poor little mouse you have to understand that it's for your own good, I didn't enjoy doing this to you- he soothes her bottom, seeing her still trying to hold back the noises, he holds a smile enjoying her like this pouting with faux sympathy- is okay you can cry I won't punish you again… not unless you deserve it but now you have been good

She broke down on his arms, crying and sobbing, Jake is quick to wrap her on his arms comforting her, shushing her to calm down she holds him back finding strange safeness there between his arms and, now, gentle touch, his big hand is soothing her hurt skin, it feels cold and she shrivers, meanwhile he started to kiss her cheeks whispering praises about how pretty and good she is; everything was too much and she was tired, closing her eyes and drifting off, Jake saw her sleeping again, kissing her forehead he lay her body back in bed covering her with a blanket, he left her there locking the door started to prep the place for her making sure each window and door have a security lock, he cleans everything leaving to buy food for them.

Y/n woke up alone and all her body hurting, rubbing the sleep off her eyes she looks confused around the room, getting up bed was painful and walking too, she was slow moving around the space, her clothes nowhere to be found, getting on his wardrobe taking one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers, she's feeling dirty and probably Jake wouldn't mind if she uses his bathroom, when she got to the door she realized is closed, locked and trapped, panic started to fill her body and desperation too, she knocked on the door.

-Jaeyun please… wanna go out… I've been good…- there's no reply so she started to cry still knocking on the door

When Jake arrived he heard the crying and the desperation , he didn't do anything for some time until there's only sobs echoing in the apartment, no more knocking. He walked there, opening the door seeing her curled up in the corner of the room, wrapped in a blanket trembling and sobbing.

-oh poor thing, my little mouse is crying again. What happened?- she looks at him

-I was alone… I wanted a bath and you were not here- she hiccuped her words

-my mousey was alone tsk tsk I didn't knew you are such a cry baby, so annoying… maybe I need to give you more spanks so you cry with a reason

-please no Yunie- something in her switched, maybe because after the punishment she felt good on his arms, it was a strange feeling that she couldn't describe

-Yunie?... Are you being cute now? My little mousey wants to be cute to me?- a wicked smile grew on Jake's face- you're seriously my favorite plaything…- he went out the room hearing a faint no and a sob, Jake took his time prepping the bathtub for her, coming back picking her shaky form- let's get you all clean okay?

He put her on the warm water, gently he washed and cleaned her skin, massaging her scalp while rubbing shampoo, she wasn't crying anymore neither trying to cover her nakedness, she's just limp there, watching with curious eyes what's he's doing, how soft he's treating her body, she now smells just like him and somehow that's comforting. When the water turned cold he immediately took her out wrapping her in towels and carrying her back to the room, he noticed the clothes on the bed smiling.

-did you pick these to wear?- she just nods- better use words

-sorry… I took them thinking you won't mind… I don't know where's mines- she holds the towel tighter making Jake chuckle

-you’ll look so cute like this- Jake gently dried her body, helping her wear the long sleeve shirt, he pulled her to bend over his knees again and he noticed how she's panicking- not gonna spank you again but I need to put some ointment in this beautiful cheeks, I don't want a permanent mark here- she just nods and Jake started to rub something, it feels so cooling and numbing to the pain, she relaxed snuggling on him but suddenly his fingers started to touch her on her pussy lips

-Yunie… I don't…- she bites a moan trying to find the correct words so he doesn't get angry again- I'm hungry… can we not please

-i know you're hungry but you have to get used to me touching you… since now you're mine you have to know what makes you feel good so I can do it to you- she's a little uncomfortable squirming feeling herself get sticky between her legs- look at it, is already drooling for me, she knows who she belongs to- he collect her arousal putting it in front of her- open… say ah… good girl- he push his fingers on her mouth and she blush tasting herself- tasty right?- she nods- I tasted you last night, you're so sweet and when you cummed I almost lost control, but I wanted you to be awake for your first time… I want to see your tears and how you struggle to fit me inside- he manhandled her, laying her in bed and hovering over- also my mouse wants it to be special because she got so angry because I didn't made special her first kiss… - he leans to kiss her pushing his tongue inside her mouth, she still doesn't know how to respond to this type of kisses he likes so much

He pulled apart helping her to get up, putting on his boxers on her to at least for a brief moment make her feel slightly more comfortable, she was left sitting on the bed watching him roam on his drawer taking things out of it, once he turned around she could see what he's holding, a whip, a muzzle and a leash, she looks at him with fear, his wicked smile grew seeing her trembling.

-Yunie… you said I've been good

-You learn fast, mousey, but I have to make sure, if you want to keep going to school I need you to understand that now you're under my rules and that everything you do will have consequences… open…- she did trembling the muzzle tastes like leather leaving an uncomfortable feeling on the corner of her mouth- on you knees pretty- she slowly went out of bed looking up at him from that position- I knew you'll look so pretty like this I can only imagine you choking on my cock… other day you'll learn- he put the collar and the leash on her pulling a little- now crawl mousey only if you want to eat

He pulled the leash walking and she followed behind, his hand gripping the whip, Jake gave gentle taps with the leather of the whip just to make her crawl faster but without hurting her, he sat on the chair looking down at her on the floor kneeling and sitting on her heels. He started to eat, slowly making satisfied noises watching her drool over the muzzle, he loves to see her like this so malleable, innocent and submissive, he takes off the piece out of her mouth taking the fork and giving her a bite of the waffle and a piece of strawberry, she almost cry at how delicious it was, she was starving but with everything that happened y/n didn't have time to process that.

-what do we say when Yunie treats you well?

-thank you?- she looks at him with her big innocent eyes

-you can do better pup, come on try again

-thank you Yunie… I really like it, is so tasty

-god pup, such a fast learner you deserve a reward we'll go for ice cream later okay?

-yes please… thank you for being so good to me Yunie

-can I have a reward too, right?- she nods- I want to eat you the whole afternoon okay? You're gonna be a good pinkie and sit on my face

-don't wanna hurt you

-ow look at that, my girl is now worried for me… you won't hurt me… open- he keeps feeding her and eating himself- if you keep being this good you won't go to school with your beautiful collar

-wanna be good for you- he leaned to give her a soft kiss on the lips, when he pulled apart she got more comfortable between his legs resting her head on one of his thighs Jake plays with her hair in the meantime he finishes his meal.

He got up leaving her there waiting on her knees while he wash the dishes coming back for her picking her up from the floor, she quickly wrapped her limps on him not wanting to be away again, he walked going to the living room sitting on the couch with her straddling him, he started to kiss her sweetly, holding her waist he started to move her on his lap, getting hard, her pussy rubbing on his length over the fabric, Jake pulled out his cock making her gasp, it was the first time she saw a penis in real life, it was huge and she feels the fear flooding her body.

-not gonna fit- Jake laughs moving to the side the boxers pulling her down again, she gasped feeling him between his pussy lips- please not now Yunie it hurts

-we’ll make it fit… but other day- he cups her face and treats her so soft- now you're just gonna rub on me okay? I haven't cum since last night is hurting Yunie now- he pouted and she feels shame for him- you made me so hard and you don't let me cum you're being a bad pinkie

-I'm sorry… -she says holding back her tears, deeply suffering for causing pain on him, she moves without really knowing what to do

-Lower yourself more and make sure your clit is rubbing on my tip… you're gonna like it too- she did as he said moaning immediately- there you go feels amazing don't you think?

-it does but… not sure if I wanna have sex now… it hurts- she feels her face hot and her bottom

-is not sex pup… not really, is more like masturbating using a toy- he smiles and she's still no sure- let's make a deal, if you don't make me cum I'll give you five spanks… if you don't cum I'll give you three spanks and you'll wear the muzzle to school

-and if I do? What is my price?

-You're so greedy, more like a rat instead of my cute mouse… go ahead be bad so I can teach you to behave- he pushed her off his lap putting his length back into his pants

-no… please I'm good- she quickly gets rid off the boxers she's wearing, approaching him taking out his hard length- sorry Yunie- she placed herself back in position rubbing desperately whining in pain

-dumb rat you're hurting yourself, is a luck I like you- he guides her hips making her finally moan again- you're so lucky I find you pretty because you're not, that I give you attention when everyone else doesn't even know you exist- she started to cry with what he's saying- oh now you cry, don't you like to hear the truth?

-I'm not a rat, I'm a mouse… your mousey- she wrapped her arms on his neck hugging him and crying she moves her hips in the rhythm he set, moaning on his neck- please like me

-don't act like a dirty rat then- he smiles giving a light spank on her already bruised butt cheek, instead of complain she moaned- oh you like that such a nasty pup- it made her blush more because that pain after the slap send a flash through her body that pulses on her clit, her lips are throbbing and his cock is twitching

-i feel funny here Yunie- she signaled her lower abdomen- feels so good

-then cum make a mess pinkie- he helped her to move and angle her hips better hearing a shaky moan and her fluids drip- good mousey… now make me cum- she moves her hips tiredly whimpers of overstimulation, he groaned and stopped her pushing his tip inside her entrance

-no… you promised no sex- he threw his head back cumming hot spurs inside her, she's feeling a little burn of the stretch his tip is causing, he didn't push further

-fuck… take it all- he emptied his ball on her pulling her for a messy kiss, when he pulled apart he smiles softly- you're so pretty pinkie, so good and well behaved pup… I'm so obsess with you that I would kill anyone who tries to snatch you out of my life

-I like you a lot Yunie- she pecks his lips- wanna be a good pup for you, always… don't wanna you to leave me

She lays down on his chest feeling used, yes, but something twisted inside her told her this is the right thing, all her life nobody else developed attraction towards her or romantic interest on her persona, over time she began to believe that she was despicable, repulsive and ugly, that nobody would ever like her, but now with Jake on her life and how maniacally in love he is with her something in her is telling that it was worth it, that all the alone years in the shadows were meant for Jake to claim her completely, to be just for him. It couldn't be wrong if she feels so safe on his arms, if he just makes things for her own good and even if it physically hurts the aftermath is so soft, like honey sticking on her brain, if he fill her ears with praises and makes her do new things with her body, if he's taking the time to make her first times special for her.

For Jake everything feels right too, how she immediately clings on him, how easy it was for her to be this way, of course he doesn't love her but something about her was so intoxicating from the very first time that he had to have her, to own her, hunting down her prey until she was completely trapped and wrapped on his finger.

[augiewrites]

"secret admirer" - dead poets society (part 5)

summary: y/n receives a curious invitation from meeks and has a surprise encounter with neil and todd

pairing: anonymous!dead poet x gender neutral reader

word count: 1.2k

previous | next

It was finally Friday, and Y/N was looking forward to spending the weekend recovering from a week of non-stop exams, cramming, and a nonexistent sleep schedule. The morning’s classes had been a drag so far, and they were looking forward to the reprieve of Keating’s class. Knowing they'd be in close proximity to their admirer aside, Keating’s class gave them an opportunity to activate another part of their brain—one concerned less with grades and formulas.

No, this part was more concerned with matters of feeling. Matters of love, art, expression—everything crucial to finding true meaning in life.

Meaning.

Something that Y/N’s life—and the students of Welton’s lives—was severely lacking.

Y/N shoved the existential crisis to the back of their mind, shooting Todd a smile as he occupied the desk at the front of the class.

Their desk compartment was empty aside from their textbook and notes. Y/N felt their heart drop. It had been empty for days.

Did I make a mistake leaving that poem?

Y/N did their best to not look disappointed. The only thing more embarrassing than their poet’s lack of response was the thought of him observing their discontent.

Keating’s class didn't give them much reprieve that day.

_________________________________________ 

Against their better judgment, Y/N found themselves in the library during common hour. In all truth, Y/N just wanted to go back to their dorm and bang their head against the wall until they fell asleep. Alas, the expectation of a 4.0 GPA was looming over their head.

Thankfully, Meeks was the only other person to show up. Y/N didn't think they had the strength to deal with Dalton.

“So are you just going to keep side eyeing me, or do you have something to say?” Y/N set down their pencil and turned to face Meeks.

“Y/N, you've sighed three times within the last minute,” Meeks quipped, "seems like you're the one with something to say."

“But I'm right, though. You have something you want to say."

“I'll share with the class if you will.”

The two stared at each other for a moment—Meeks' expression much lighter compared to Y/N’s frustrated features.

Y/N gave in first.

“I’m tired, Meeks."

“Of?..."

“Everything.”

“You’re going to have to give me a little more here, Y/N.”

“…”

"I'm waiting."

“My GPA dropped to a 3.7," Y/N’s gaze was fixed to the table, “my parents are not happy. I feel like all I ever do is try, but it's not enough, and it never will be. My social life is practically nonexistent, I don't remember the last time I had fun, and I can feel my spirit dying. Some days it feels like I'm dying."

“You’re more than your grades, Y/N. You have to know that."

“I know that, Meeks. They don't,” Y/N let out a bitter laugh, “they ship me off to this prison, don't let me come home for breaks, and they call me maybe twice a semester if I'm lucky. They see my grades more than they ever see me."

Meeks was silent for a beat as Y/N cradled their head in their hands.

“Tomorrow night. Meet me outside the East wing at 10PM.”

“Meeks, what are you—“

“Just trust me. If you care about your spirit, anyway."

“Fine,” Y/N began packing their bag and stood up, nodding absentmindedly, "yeah, okay."

Because everything was cosmically determined to go wrong, Y/N crashed into Charlie as they rounded the corner out of the library. Their armload of textbooks crashed to the floor.

“Don’t you know to look both ways before crossing the street?" Charlie joked as he knelt to pick up Y/N’s books.

Y/N kept their head down as they gathered the mess of note paper that exploded out of their trig book.

“I mean, really, Y/N. If you want to feel me up you don't need to be so aggressive about it—“

Charlie’s sly smile melted into concern when he noticed the tears in Y/N’s eyes.

"Hey, are you okay, Y/N?” Charlie passed the books to Y/N and placed a gentle hand on their upper am.

Y/N gave the boy a tight lipped smile and stepped away from his touch.

“I'm fine, Dalton," Y/N was already moving down the hall.

“Y/N—“

“If you're looking for Meeks, he's still in there."

Y/N disappeared around the corner, leaving Charlie staring at the space they just occupied.

_________________________________________

Y/N wasn’t one for skipping class, but it was the last period of the day and Y/N thought their head would explode if they didn’t get away from everyone as soon as possible.

They triple checked that the hallway was empty before rushing into the storage room filled with students’ empty luggage.

But the room wasn’t unoccupied like they expected.

Neil Perry and Todd Anderson were in the middle of the room, locked in a gentle embrace.

They jumped apart when they heard Y/N’s soft sound of surprise, and the trio looked at each other in shock for a beat.

“We were just—” Neil took a step away from Todd before the other boy cut him off, surprising everyone, seemingly including himself.

“We’re together.”

They all stared at each other for another moment before Neil stepped forward again.

“You can’t tell anyone, Y/N.”

“I won’t,” Y/N blinked, suddenly coming alive again, “I would never.”

Relief washed over the two boys. Todd was more red than Y/N thought was humanly possible.

“Okay, I’m just gonna,” Y/N took a step back and jerked a thumb over their shoulder at the door, “go…”

They turned quickly to leave.

“Y/N.” Neil’s hand enclosed their wrist as they reached for the doorknob.

They looked up into Neil’s soft gaze, a faint smile on his face, “thank you.”

“Of course,” they returned the smile and waved to Todd as they slipped out the door, rushing to their dorm to avoid being caught for truancy.

_________________________________________

Y/N had been laying in bed for all of fifteen minutes before they heard the familiar sound of paper sliding under the door.

They were out of bed and rushing to open the door before they could think twice. Truancy be damned.

The empty hallway mocked Y/N.

Frustrated tears welled in their eyes as they slammed the door and grabbed the envelope off the floor before ripping it open.

Beloved Y/N,

In your eyes, a storm silently brews, Emotional tempest, tears it strews. I stand close, a silent observer, Love entangled in your pain, a fervent preserver.

Your hurt, a whisper in the quiet air, A shared burden, a weight to bear. In the shadows, love stands strong, A balm for wounds, a solace lifelong.

In the heart's tempest, emotions entwine, Love persists, a steadfast lifeline. I may not heal all that pains your soul, But together, in love, we find a way to be whole.

x, Yours.

Y/N let the tears flow freely as they sunk down onto the bed.

They were certain of who wasn’t their poet, but they were in denial about who it could be.

~~~

part six

a/n: any reality where neil and todd aren't in love is a crime against nature

taglist: @vvnbxz @edb954

[haleswallows]

I’ve Been the Forest and the Fire (and the Witness Watching It) DC x DP Dead on Main (Jason Todd/Danny Fenton) Teen Soulmates AU

Chapter 2!

Teaser:

"This is bullshit."

His soulmate turns around at the sound of his voice. Freezes. He looks tired and scrungly and of course. Because the universe hates Jason, so of course the asshole is also in the class he's taking for his Maths Gen-Ed credit.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jason stands over him. "Aren't you supposed to be really good at math, or something? Why are you in an intro level class?"

His eyes are huge. "I don't test well and did bad on the placement exam."

"Great," Jason seethes. A twisting in his gut makes him feel like he's about to throw up. The soul bond demands proximity with his 'other half'. Chronically contrarian, Jason fights the instinct and the rising nausea before giving in. He slides into the desk next to his soulmate. The discomfort immediately eases. "Fucking fantastic."

There's attempts at a conversation. Jason ignores it in favor of getting himself settled. Pulls a copy of the list of accommodations he'll need that the Student Affairs Office helped him put together. Subtly scopes the room - for exits, and the best desk for when he brings Ace.

Ignores the put-out expression, the longing looks coming from his right.

Thankfully, the professor focuses on reviewing the syllabus only. And assigns a set of problems. What sort of jerk assigns homework on the first day?

Students scramble for the exit as soon as the dismissal comes. Asshole looks like he has something to say, but Jason just… he can't. Refuses. Before he gets subjected to what the fuck ever the asshole thinks he needs to say, Jason snags the professor.

He's vaguely aware of his soulmate lingering, and then eventually leaving. His gut clenches and his hands shake.

•○●○•

Jason stops in his tracks. The asshole looks at him. Jason glares back.

He's in Jason's literature course too.

"Whoa, 'scuse me," another student mumbles, side-stepping around Jason and his cane where he's standing stock-still in the doorway. Fuck.

OK. Fine. He has two classes with the piece of shit. Jason's dealt with worse.

He doesn't sit next to him, finding a seat in the second row and near the door. It's strategic. Less walking, a better view of the board. There'll be more room in the aisle for Ace when he starts bringing him. Jason stakes his claim - this'll be his desk for the semester.

The asshole can sit in the back like a delinquent. Jason doesn't care. He can't see him from here anyway.

The professor - mid-30s, bearded, Southern accent - makes them do an ice-breaker game. Jason wants to die.

Professor 'Just call me Justin' holds up a bag of Jolly Ranchers, directs them to take one and pass the bag down the line. Jason fiddles with the wrapper of his 'cherry' (it doesn't taste like cherry, he can't be convinced otherwise) while the bag makes its journey, and Justin makes an odd list on the board.

Grape for a favorite poem, Blue Raspberry for a pet's name, Lime for best vacation, Watermelon for 'what you wanted to be when you grew up', and Cherry for favorite food.

"Alright, everyone got a candy?" Justin claps the chalk dust from his hands. "Great, I'll start. I'm Justin," the class titters. Yes, they know. "Lime! So, I taught English in Japan for four years. My favorite vacation was to some traditional hot springs in Osaka. Next…. you!"

The random student pointed to blushes. "Oh! Uh, Karmine. Blue, my family's dog is named Cesar."

"Hi, Karmine! Pick your victim."

She shrinks a little, points randomly. It goes on like that - name, flavor, stupid random fact. It's dumb. There's cringing and some laughs at the stupid pet names. Then someone - Samir, Jason now knows - points to him.

As if he isn't a local celebrity that's had his photo in every newspaper multiple times since he was 12. And that tabloids theorize about his relationship with Bruce, or why Bruce is 'ashamed of him' as a cripple.

"Jason, chili dogs from Dave's stand." In between the pitying looks, a few nod knowingly. Locals, then. He ignores the smattering of whispers, no doubt picking up on theory crafting about him where Vicki Vale left off.

He taps the desk of the guy next to him. And away it goes, another name, flavor, and answer.

Jason's tapped out, vaguely listening but mostly only keeping track of who hasn't gone. It's background noise, all he wants is to talk to the professor and go the fuck home. When —.

"Danny. Uh, watermelon. I wanted to be an astronaut." The asshole smiles shyly, then ducks his head and rubs the back of his head.

Gross. Jason knows his name now. He frowns and the asshole — Danny — sees it, the smile dropping off his face.

Gross. He turns forward, Danny pointing to one of the few remaining people. It's hard to breathe and the wrapper of the Jolly Rancher is sticky when he unwraps it. Pops it in it his mouth.

Gross. Fake cherry.

[callistodisco]

I don't know if reqs are open, but i'll shoot 😭

"Tonight, when it snows" + Yoshida (csm) x gn/f!Reader (fluff)

yup, reqs are open! getting around to them all since the semester just ended so lucky i'm almost caught up on the manga so i actually know who Yoshida is lol Christmas is right around the corner so CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Request Chungus ML Chainsaw Man ML Prompt List Hirofumi Yoshida x f!reader Genres: Oneshot|Fluff|Romantic

Holiday Magic

To say you were feeling holly and jolly would be an understatement. It was singlehandedly the most festive yet most stressful time of year, and you were gonna enjoy every bit of it, no matter what!

It was quiet a difficult task to achieve alone, however. So you employed the help of your wonderful boyfriend, Hirofumi.

Christmas couple activities, begin now!

You, as a very self-sufficient human, recognized that putting together a Christmas tree would be an easy task. Getting out ornaments was one of the most simple things! And this is one of the instances where Yoshida comes in.

It didn't take much convincing, in fact, most the conversation centered around not if you both will decorate the tree, but when. The weekend should suffice, right? You will have all day to make everything look nice.

The fated day arrived, and after much time spent on branches with significantly less on actually putting on ornaments, you went in search for the tree topper.

You came back in the room holding two toppers, a gold star and a silver snowflake, both of which glimmered in the sunlight from their sparkles.

"Okay, so, are we feeling like the center of attention or a fleeting moment?" You showed Yoshida your options. After a moment of contemplation, he walked over to tree and placed the snowflake on top.

"Even if right now is a fleeting moment, it is an enjoyable one with you," he turned to you with a smile. You ran over and clung to him, "ahhh! Always such a heartthrob, even when you don't try."

Christmas couple activity one, success!

It was now winter break, you know what that means, right? Free time for more activities! And no better activity than to bake, you do know how to bake, right? Even if you don't it's fine! Hirofumi will make sure you don't accidentally burn down the kitchen, such a nice boyfriend.

After several batches of cookies later, the taste testing began. Science says taste is subjective basically...I think. So whether they're good or not is up to you, girlie!

"Fumi, how do they taste?" You looked at him eagerly, awaiting his answer. There was a moment of silence, "they're great." Hmm, we'll trust you...For now.

"Okay, you better not be lying to me, or else!" He laughed at your empty threat...Or was it? Only you know...

Christmas couple activity two, success!

The Eve of Christmas, how long you have waited for this night. Yoshida promised you a date before you two would spend the following day together. Sure, you go on dates throughout the year, but devils make December so much more stressful. That leaves him occupied with killing while you focus on surviving.

You both meet at the local KFC for a Christmas dinner, because fun fact: this IS a Japanese tradition! The date went as good as they usually do. Much chatting and laughter.

"What do you say we do tomorrow?" You questioned, hoping to be prepared. There was a mischievous smile on his face, "meet me at the closest konbini in the morning."

You were confused, but there's no way he'd tell you anything more, that smile says it all.

Christmas couple activity three, success!

It was freezing out, you were barely here for 5 minutes and you already wanted to go home. You saw Yoshida walking up and ran to him, hoping that hugging him would preserve some warmth.

"So, what's today's plan?" You questioned him. He gave you an oddly specific location to meet him, wasn't even a store or restaurant.

"Tonight, when it snows meet me at the roadside rest area over," he pointed at a relatively elevated mountain, "there." Yeah, very odd. But you assume he has a plan, and you hope it's not to kill you.

So after many hours of bundling up to make the arduous journey up the snowy mountain, you finally meet him. It didn't long to cling to Yoshida for dear life, you were gonna freeze to death at this rate!

"Do I get to know the reason for my impending preventable doom?" You could barely say through chattering teeth. "Sure, but you have to open your eyes." He said, laughing at you and your suffering.

Like the strong soldier you are, you opened your eyes and waited for a moment, "okay, so wha-" a firework went off, followed by another, then by two more. You watched in wonder at the colorful show, feeling the cold subside while your mind focused on more important things.

"It's...It's so pretty, Fumi," you whispered. Yoshida wrapped an arm around you, "I knew you'd like it."

The show ended far too soon, and you both headed back to town with him dropping you off home first. "Was that worth your preventable doom?" Was the first thing he asked when you got inside, you sighed when you looked at him, "yes, yes it was."

Christmas couple activity four, success!

based on my past preferences ppl like Yoshida have usually been my type, so im surprised im not a fan of him??

maybe its the great darkness in his eyes lol

sighhh was yoshida even in character lmao

[simply-wlw-kpopstan]

30. Minjeong to the rescue

You entered minjeongs room to find her sitting down on the ground, already fidgeting with new pieces of Lego to finish up one of the towers. "you know I kind of feel like a double agent since you showed me your private account."

"knowledge is power after all." you smiled as you sat down. " how did things go after I left?"

" the usual. Jimin said you weren't feeling well and that she told you to go and lay down. We ended up talking about all things that happened this semester including the Uhm... The Parker incident. He won't be around for much longer at the university, his dad is transferring him to some military thing or something. "

"you went over to his place after everything happened didn't you? Jimin and I talked about it and you told her you were with me, you told me you had other plans and the next day you have a bruised hand and Parker claimed he had a fight with some guy." you reached over for another bag of Lego pieces and started to build a new part of the castle.

"he had it coming. I knew you couldn't do it with your scholarship being on the line and he would have found a way to get you kicked out."

"he threatened with it when he saw me with jimin. Guess he didn't like people knowing he wasn't all that. Makes me wonder how he slept with so many girls if he isn't that good? Rumours spread fast around campus yet nothing about him being bad in bed until jimin dumped him. "

"he has money and looks, some girls don't care about anything but bragging rights. Who knows, maybe they tried to get something out of it themselves." she clicked the last piece onto the tower and connected to the growing structure in front of you. "enough about him. Why did you suddenly disappear?"

You sighed and thought it over, would minjeong listen and understand your feelings or would she defend jimin without thinking about it? One thing you know for sure is that she stays true to her feelings and opinions so she probably wouldn't just brush it off and defend her friend. "jimin came up to me in the kitchen and hugged me. I told her we probably shouldn't and then she turned me around, if I didn't push her away she would've kissed me. It was like she didn't see the problem in that. I was introduced as a friend and didn't want to be caught kissing their daughter in their kitchen at all. That would be disrespectful wouldn't it? "

"you were scared of getting caughed I understand that but you do realize your fighting over a hypothetical thing that could've happened? Unless you're mad about something else and are using this as an excuse. "

"i'm not." you frowned as minjeong gave you a look before focusing back on the Lego piece.

"so you're not mad about meeting her parents as a friend instead of her girlfriend?"

"No? We're taking things Slow and I understand if she isn't ready for any labels yet. I-"

"i'm gonna stop you right there before you try to sell me more bullshit." she layed down her work before stealing your lego's out of your hands," You've been acting like a couple long before you confessed to one another. If and I say if you are upset over the fact she was so careless you should tell her because right now she doesn't know why you're upset. Now if it is about meeting the parents as a friend you should've thought about that before you joined the trip, you knew they were coming and you knew jimin told them you were a friend. "

"since when are you a therapist?" you clocked an eyebrow.

"since the day I met these girls." she smirked.

"well if you'll excuse me I have to go and talk to jimin. I'll come back after so we can finish this castle."

"you better! We should be able to finish it in an hour together I think. Just don't let jimin drag you into bed, I'm waiting and the rooms aren't soundproof just so you know." she sent you a playful glance as you walked out laughing.

"noted!" you walked into the living room to see aeri and ning watching a new k-drama, Once aeri spotted you she motioned to the bedrooms. You made your way over to jimin's room and softly knocked on the door.

"yeah?" jimin's voice came softly from inside and you opened the bedroom door to see her laying on her bed with a book.

"Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for today. I should've never put you in the position to make up an excuse for me to your parents." you quietly sat down on the bed as she placed the book on her bedside table.

"I don't care about that. What I do care about is that you got all weird without any explanation."

"I got upset over the fact that you were so careless about kissing me. It hadn't been a day since I met your parents and it felt wrong. They think I'm your friend and I got scared about them finding out that I'm not just a friend. That I..."

"that you?" She raised an eyebrow at your sudden silence.

"that the whole Parker thing was my fault."

"what are you talking about? You weren't -"

"jimin if we didn't sleep together when you were together with him, he wouldn't have hit you. Do your parents know why he did it?"

"They know enough, Parker probably told his dad that I cheated too. I don't know if my parents know but they'll find out eventually. It was my choice though, you didn't pressure me into anything. Parker chose to hit me and it's no one's fault except his."

You nodded as you looked down at the ground. The sound of blankets rustling filled the room before you felt arms wrap around your waist. Jimin placed a kiss on your shoulder as she nuzzled her nose into the crook of your neck. "I promised minjeong I'd come back after talking with you. Her exact words were 'don't let jimin drag you into bed'"

"I didn't drag you, you sat down voluntarily." she smiled against your skin, "wouldn't you rather spend time with me in bed then build Legos with minjeong?"

You sucked your teeth, "see that's were you get too cocky. Minjeong and I have a goal we need to achieve. I'll come back once we're done though." you turned towards her as she pulled back from you.

"wha- you're not kidding? You're actually choosing lego's over me?" She looked at you in disbelieve.

"I made a promise to my friend so yes." you smirked as you stood up, "I don't have favorite's you know."

"She's your friend, I'm your-" she cut herself off but you both knew what she was going to say. "just go." she blushed as she picked up her book.

To be honest you were debating on teasing her with that near slip up but decided to leave it for now. You leaned down and kissed her on the top of her head, jimin looked up with a smile and pouted her lips slightly. After planting another kiss on her lips you left her alone and went back to minjeong to finish the Lego castle.

masterlist | next

[avonne-writes]

hi! In a post about the relationship troubles fake and John have when they first start college you mentioned their sex life kinda falls off, that they don’t have sex as often, or that it feels off when they do. I would love to hear more about that,and how it effects them, Especially because they don’t talk about it so their minds just run

Thank you for the question! 💕 I'm not sure where to start so I'll just put this in bullet points 😄 I hope this makes sense, I’m sure I missed some explanations but I tried to summarize it.

Before college, their sex life was obviously limited because they didn’t have that much privacy and Gale refused to take Bucky to his place. So it was a mix of very careful and quiet non-penetrative sex if they weren't alone in the house and excited experimentation whenever they had time alone, usually during school holidays.

Basically, they had some habits together but in their new circumstances, these habits change. That means another transition period, on top of everything else. This is not a bad thing at all, but there are so many changes they need to navigate that the stress accumulates.

An example: whereas previously, they always tried to be super quiet, they can be as loud as they want now because they rent a small one-bedroom flat together. Except, Gale finds himself unable to stop holding back. He’s anxious about making possibly embarrassing sounds, especially because he realizes that Bucky has stopped holding back and yet he still isn’t very loud.

Then, of course, all their other issues have a negative effect on their sex life.

Getting used to college can be exhausting, so it's also natural that in the first semester, they don’t want to have sex as often as in the next one.

In this AU, they're not the kind of couple who get hot for each other if they're fighting. Gale can hold a grudge for a long time, but even if he doesn’t, after a fight, he usually feels drained and sad, which rarely leads to any kind of opportunity for sex.

Plus, Gale is anxious that he’s not enough for Bucky because "Bucky could have anyone and why would he settle for his first, he probably thinks that's boring." This idea makes Gale tense, hence the sex feeling off.

Meanwhile, Bucky notices Gale's tension and distraction, but he thinks it's because Gale is falling out of love with him. We know that Bucky always dreaded this moment, the - in his mind - inevitable drifting apart once high school is over. This makes Bucky anxious too, which makes him clingy, and that's enough to make the sex feel off from his side too.

So there's a whole lot of external stress and a self-feeding cycle of undiscussed uncertainties. They all exacerbate each other.

In addition, their new friends don’t help either, because they all think this relationship won't survive anyway and both Bucky and Gale would benefit from a new partner.

Thankfully, we know that this isn’t what happens.

Yes, it’s a rough patch, yes, it’s stressful, but as soon as they finally align again and all their discordant pieces slot back into harmony, sex gets better again. And this is an instant thing actually. Instant, because their sex life was affected mostly by their disharmony and not other things that are slower to heal.

They have a huge fight in which everything comes out, and it's just what they needed because they finally acknowledge all their issues but also share the fact that they both still want the other. That’s all it takes to turn the negative spiral into the first steps of revovery.

They make up and reach a hopeful, positive and relieved state that night, and they have makeup sex.

It’s the first time that they both feel that it's not teenage experimentation anymore. It’s more serious and mature, and when they say I love you, it feels deeper than ever before.

From then on, they get the same relieved-happy-loved feeling from physical intimacy and, well, let’s just say they make up for all the sex they missed in their first semester.

It keeps getting better in the next months, and it's during this period in their lives that they develop that deep and steady intimacy that makes them act like a married couple long before they even tie the knot.

♡♡♡

[imtrashraccoon]

The final Dust chapter...we're halfway through folks! I'm really happy with this one and it fills me with many fuzzy feelings.

@owl-bones

First Day, Previous Day, & Next Day.

Bad Sansuary: Dust - Tears

Word Count: 2,235.

It was a good day.

You were packing for college and you'd soon be halfway across the country far away from your insufferable family. You'd promised you would call, but had added that you may be too busy to do so. Psychology was a complicated subject and you would likely be swamped with coursework afterall.

They didn't care and neither did you for that matter. You gladly welcomed the chance to have a fresh start and freedom to live life the way you'd always dreamed to. You would be your own person and not just the lesser copy of your elder sister.

"Hey! Are you deaf or something?"

Speak of the devil and she shall appear. You dropped a folded shirt onto your suitcase and turned to the doorway of your bedroom where your sister was standing impatiently. She was wearing a new dress and expensive shoes, again, and her face was practically caked with designer makeup.

"What do you want now?" you heard yourself grumble.

Your sister rolled her eyes. "I asked what do you think you're doing? Mom needs you to watch the house for the next week while they're away, you can't just leave!"

You frowned and crossed your arms. "We've been over this at least a dozen times. I'm leaving tomorrow morning to catch a plane so I'll have time to get settled in the dorms before the first semester starts. I can't just rebook the flight now as they won't refund me."

Her face contorted into a snarl and she crossed her arms. "Fine, go and abandon our parents for a stupid degree. You'll come to regret it one day!"

She turned to leave and as the clicking of her heels on the laminate flooring started to fade, you darted to the door to stop her. "Hold on! Why can't you watch the house? You're not going to college right away..."

Your sister scoffed and flipped her long hair behind her back as she turned around again. "Who needs college? All I gotta do is bag some rich idiot who'll bend over backwards for anything I want."

"Gross."

"And what, working every day for the rest of your life is somehow better?"

"At least I'll have something to fall back on while you'll be left high and dry when he dumps you." You crossed your arms and glared at her. "And you didn't answer my question, what are you doing that is keeping you so busy?"

"The girls and I are going on a trip to Vegas to celebrate graduating." She narrowed her eyes at you and poked your chest with one of her too long manicured nails. "And no, you're not invited, you fun sponge...."

"Double gross. I wouldn't be caught dead with your 'friends', not after all the crap they put me through." You made air quotes with your fingers to emphasize that word specifically.

"Ugh! Mom was right, you're way too sensitive."

You clenched your jaw and took a slow, deliberate breath. Once you had calmed down and weren't about to clock your own sister, you asked another question. "How are you even affording a trip after you were fired? Surely, mom and dad aren't bankrolling this too?"

She rolled her eyes, "Idiot, I'm temporarily borrowing from my inheritance that Grandma left. I have plenty of time to put it back if I actually decide to go to college anyways."

You frowned as she turned and left the house. Something about how she'd said that didn't sit right with you. Your grandmother had left both of you money for college and you had decided long ago to keep it just for that. Your sister was as careless as ever though, but what right did you have to judge her foolish spending habits? It would undoubtedly come back to bite her one day and by then you would be financially secure with an amazing career.

You also didn't like how your sister had seemingly ignored all the times you'd told your family your plans over the past few weeks. You weren't going to give them up now, not even if she begged you to.

If only it had been so simple...

"What do you mean the money's gone?! That was meant to be for my college!" you remembered shouting.

Your mother didn't even turn around and continued packing her suitcase. "Remember when your sister was in that car accident a year ago? We needed to get her corrective surgery and the money had to come from somewhere. It's just money and family is more important. Besides, it's not even like it was actually yours and we'd only briefly talked about it."

It's not fair...

You woke with a heavy heart. Why had your brain chosen that particular memory to fixate on? It had been years since you left home and cut contact with just about everyone you ever knew.

Sitting up in bed, you wrapped your blankets around your shoulders and took deep breaths to try and relax. No matter how much time passed, you couldn't seem to forget about them, even though you'd tried.

There was no way you could forget about the nightmare and go back to sleep now either. Your mind was simply too jumbled to rest and it felt like you were reliving the painful emotions you'd experienced back then all over again.

It was way too early in the morning to stay up though. Maybe a snack and a drink of water would help calm your frayed nerves? If not, there was always the option of binging some historical romance shows until you fell asleep on your own. With your mind made up, you steeled yourself for the trek to the kitchen.

You didn't get far though.

No sooner did you flip on the hall light, did your gaze settle on a familiar sight. Dust was hunched over in an almost fetal position on your couch with his hood covering his face. His skull was buried in his hands and from the way he was heavily breathing, you knew he'd been crying.

Your original mission forgotten, your heart immediately went out to him. Being careful not to startle him, you made your way over to the couch and sat down next to him.

The only acknowledgement he gave to signify that he was aware of your presence was a brief glance in your direction from beneath his hood.

"Is it one of those times again?" you asked softly.

He didn't answer.

"Can I give you a hug? You look like you could use one right now."

You waited a few seconds just in case, but when he didn't say no, you figured he at least wasn't opposed to the gesture. You wrapped your arms around him and sat there quietly, just holding him close for a while.

At some point, he shifted and tentatively wrapped his arms around you as well. He managed to give you a slight squeeze and murmured a very soft, "...thank you."

He seemed exhausted and in no mood to talk about whatever had bothered him to the point of tears. That was fine, you weren't exactly in the mood to dwell on whatever negative emotions your nightmare had dredged up either.

"Are you going to be alright now?" you asked.

He shrugged and you could feel his gloved phalanges mindlessly draw circles across your shirt. He didn't say anything for several seconds but you waited patiently in case he changed his mind.

"i'll be okay... just, i don't want to go back there right now..." he muttered.

"Well, I actually had a bad dream...and I really don't think I can go back to sleep anytime soon anyways." With a sigh, you loosened your hold on his body and asked, "Wanna just hang out with snacks and watch whatever trash happens to be on tv right now?"

"eh, beats being dead i guess..." he grunted and somewhat reluctantly let go of you.

You rolled your eyes at how snarky his tone of voice was. It seemed that his sass meter was always dialed up to eleven whenever he was exhausted, but you didn't mind in the slightest. His comments never came across as malicious anymore and you actually welcomed his often blunt jokes. It was better than when he used to ignore your questions at least.

You didn't have a whole lot of snack foods save for a bag of dill pickle chips and a pack of store bought chocolate chip cookies. Meh, they were still worthy choices in your opinion. Once you were both settled on the couch again with the snacks and some water, you flipped through the channels before settling on a rerun of an old western movie.

Only a few minutes into the film though, Dust decided to slink his arm around your shoulders and scooted closer until you might as well be cuddling. You didn't mind in the slightest and neither did you acknowledge that this was technically the most he'd willingly touched you before now.

"Can I ask you something, Dust?"

He hummed quietly and tilted his skull to look over at you.

"Is there a reason you wear gloves all the time?"

He glanced down at his left hand and tentatively flexed his phalanges in a thoughtful manner. "i just don't like getting my hands dirty...it's irritating..." he murmured.

"Ah, I wondered if that could be the reason."

"it's also good so i don't leave evidence laying around," he added with a dry chuckle.

You gave him a blank look but you couldn't tell if he was serious or not. "Now I know you're pulling my leg, skeletons don't have fingerprints..."

"...that you know of," he finished for you. There was a mischievous glint in his eyelights and you noticed his smile was slightly wider than usual.

"I...don't think I want to continue this conversation... I really don't need to know why someone like you worries about leaving evidence at crime scenes, okay?"

Dust chuckled quietly and squeezed your shoulder a little. "yeah, you already worry about enough as is, bean," he said.

"Huh... Why do you call me that anyways?" you asked. "It seems so random..."

A soft violet glow briefly flickered across his zygomatic bones and he glanced away from you. He made a sound of clearing his throat and tapped his phalanges nervously against the couch cushions.

"it's, uh... actually it's sort of a pun..." he muttered.

"Really?" You tilted your head thoughtfully as you tried to rack your brain for any kind of word it could be referring to. "I don't get it...?"

"well, it'll sound really lame if i explain it..."

"No, please tell me! I promise I won't laugh, okay?"

He chuckled and nodded, although you noticed his cheekbones were still that lovely shade of purple. "okay, okay... you're a...?"

"Woman?"

He shook his skull and vaguely gestured with his free hand. "a human...what?"

You narrowed your eyes in thought. "A human being..."

"now say it quickly and in an exaggerated voice."

"Human bein'...human bean..." You crossed your arms and fixed him with a "Really?" look.

Dust nearly dissolved into a fit of laughter, which made it really hard to keep a straight face but you had unfortunately promised not to laugh at him. Still, you were going to make it known how disappointed you were right now.

"i told you it was lame..." he finally managed to say once he'd calmed down again.

"you were right!" you grumbled and gave his knee a playful punch. "Axe was at least more creative that you."

"what, he didn't just pick something food related like, i dunno, pumpkin?"

You shook your head. "Nope, he calls me lil' chip. I actually never asked him why though..."

"huh... you're right, that is pretty creative," Dust muttered thoughtfully. "i still prefer bean though..."

You sighed and flopped your head against the back rest. "Suit yourself then..." you grumbled.

The movie turned out to be more boring than you'd thought it would be and you soon found yourself struggling to keep your eyes open. After you'd jolted yourself awake a couple of times when your head started to loll to one side, Dust seemed to get an idea.

"here..." He grabbed one of the throw pillows you had lying around and set it on his femurs. "if you're that tired, you should at least lay down so you don't hurt your neck or something.

You hesitated for a split second but realized that it couldn't hurt at least. So, you shifted your body until you could lay down comfortably with your head on the cushion in his lap. He spread a blanket over your body before flashing that more genuine smile of his at you.

"comfy?"

"Very..." you hummed in response.

Dust nodded and turned his attention back to the movie again. You tried to focus on it as well, especially when the more action packed scenes came on, but you couldn't seem to resist the pull of sleep any longer. It really didn't help when he started absentmindedly playing with your hair as well.

The next thing you knew, the sun was out and you were safely tucked back into your own bed. The only evidence that he'd been there at all was the couch pillows being slightly askew and the snacks being gone that you'd both consumed in the night.

[wosomarvel]

communication - 06

a/n: i'm pretending there are no more injuries! manifesting i guess. i'm so sorry this took so long. the end of the semester was really tough for me but i have the next three weeks off, so i will try my best to get a few more updates out. i'm thinking two or three more parts until this series is over.

warnings: this episode talks (briefly and not in detail) about depression, anxiety, and shitty parents. it's not too bad, though. more hurt/comfort than angst. even then, bordering more on the comfort side.

i am going to once again reiterate that the schedule of games does not follow real life. i'm going based on vibes and vibes alone.

-----

"sim, we need you to settle something for us."

sim's heart dropped at the sight in front of her: mary and millie, both in their training kits, arms crossed with no hints of a smile on either of their faces.

"whatever it is, i'm sure someone else could-"

"it has to be you, because you're the most impartial person here right now," millie cut sim off.

"and we trust you to be honest," mary added.

sim's face contorted with confusion.

"who would win in a fight? me," mary gestured with her hands towards her own body, "or millie?"

"nope!" sim replied to the question. "i refuse to get involved."

sim knew better than to definitively answer any sort of question like that. no matter who she picked, she would pay for it in the form of relentless teasing or tickling.

her eyes darted around the meal room, looking for a savior to come to her rescue. she gulped almost comically when she saw there the few people around were otherwise occupied.

"it's alright, darling, you can admit that i would absolutely wreck mearps here. as vice-captain, i'll make sure she can't attack you for it."

as tempting as millie's offer was, sim was almost certain that millie could only protect her for so long.

"how about i ask the fans?" sim prompted.

now it was their turn to look confused.

"i'll put a poll up on the instagram or something," sim added, pulling her phone out of her pocket.

"see, this is why it was a genius move to hire you. smart, she is," millie praised.

a blush took over sim's face as she fiddled with the phone she'd just pulled out of her pocket.

across the meal room, leah watched on fondly as georgia and keira conversed around her. it was nice to see sim come out of her shell a bit more around the team. though leah still had the distinct feeling that it would be a while before the younger girl felt comfortable being vulnerable around them, it still brought her a sense of relief that sim was no longer so painfully shy. she actively participated in the conversations and shenanigans typical of the team.

the team had taken well to sim's steady presence, adopting her as though she was a playing member of the lionesses.

it had only been a few months since their conversation on those bleachers, but leah could already see the difference it was making. sim looked... lighter, in a sense. like the weight on her shoulders had eased. leah was starting to to see a light in sim's eyes that hadn't been there when they had first met.

"what are you lookin at?" georgia asked.

leah's lips turned up in a slight smile as she nodded her head in sim's direction. "remember how closed off she was when she first got here?"

keira shifted her gaze, smiling when her eyes settled on sim's figure filming mary and millie.

"she's fit in quite well," keira agreed.

"she's cool. she said she'd let me tattoo her once i've properly learned how," georgia added, nodding her head.

"she what?"

-----

sim sighed, settling into soft sheets. sarina had permitted her to room with alessia at st. george's park and sim had never been more grateful.

she closed her eyes, the melody of alessia's singing wafting in from the bathroom, its door left ajar. she let it ease the tiredness that had settled into her bones.

this particular camp was exhausting. she knew it wasn't her job that was draining her energy at this point. the federation had recently hired a few other people to help out in the social media department so sim was now only in charge of the instagram, twitter, and tiktok. the longer form content and brainstorming was no longer under her purview.

sim suspected leah and sarina had something to do with that. she'd been annoyed at first, but was now incredibly thankful for their interference.

despite that, sim was still feeling drained and on edge. it frustrated her that she couldn't put a reason to the way she was feeling.

the past few months had been good to her. her relationship with alessia was blooming into something beautiful. there was no pressure when alessia around, and sim was starting to become accustomed to the light and airy feeling that came with her presence.

sim had fallen into a steady routine. now that her workload with the lionesses had significantly decreased, she had a lot more time on her hands. though her pay from the lionesses hadn't gone down, sim had still taken up a casual job at arsenal as a photographer. though she'd majored in communications in uni, she had minored in visual media.

working with the lionesses was fulfilling, no doubt, but sim missed the more creative aspects of her visual media minor. alessia had proposed the idea of working with arsenal one day during an impromptu photoshoot, sim taking random photos of alessia as they spent an off day lounging at home.

jonas was used to seeing sim's face and after a quick conversation with the higher ups, sim had secured a press pass.

in the mornings, sim and alessia would meet up with beth, viv, and leah for a quick coffee before training. she'd spend the day at colney with the team, taking pictures. she had befriended laura and teyah, the two remaining members of the ACL squad. after training was done for the day, alessia would drive her home, the two spending the rest of the day together.

sim hadn't moved in with alessia, but she spent more nights at the blonde's place than her own.

once or twice a week, sim would accompany alessia to team bonding. she stayed in contact with ella.

sim was content with her life. happy, even.

the way she was feeling now, however, had her scared. scared that the feeling would linger and turn into something heavier. scared that she would slip back into old ways, having to push herself just to get out of bed in the mornings, to eat something, to want to exist.

sim didn't want to go back there. she didn't want anyone to see her like that. more importantly, she didn't want alessia or leah to see her like that. she didn't want to be a burden. the two gunners deserved better than that.

"hey, baby."

sim was broken out of her thought process by alessia's voice, followed by a quick peck to her forehead.

sim hummed in response, moving over to make space for her girlfriend on the bed. alessia set her kit and toiletries off to the side before sliding in beside sim, pulling the comforter over the two of them as the younger girl turned her back to assume the little spoon position.

sim breathed a sigh of relief as alessia's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close, almost cradling sim to her front. she felt some of the tension leave her body as alessia pressed a gentle kiss to her neck.

"are you alright, love?"

sim contemplated telling the truth for a moment, ultimately deciding against it. it's not even that bad. i just need to grow up, she reasoned with herself.

"yeah, just tired," sim replied.

"can you turn around for me?"

of course alessia would see right through her. it was honestly frustrating at times.

sim had always been good at lying, something she'd had to learn to survive her parents when she was younger. however, alessia could always tell when sim was lying.

not that sim made a habit of lying to her girlfriend. she just wanted to shield alessia from the darker parts of herself for as long as possible.

"love?" alessia prompted.

sim turned with a sigh, keeping her eyes closed. she would crack as soon as she made eye contact with alessia's baby blue eyes.

alessia's hand came up to sim's face, pointer finger tracing the subtle crease between her eyebrows.

"can you open those pretty eyes for me, baby?"

sim relented, never having been able to refuse a request from alessia. leah never let her forget it.

sim's eyes fluttered open, causing alessia to frown at the clear exhaustion evident in the set of her eyes. "what's wrong?"

again, sim debated whether or not to tell the truth. she had almost settled on trying to lie, but her resolve crumbled at the look of concern painted on alessia's face.

how could anyone ever lie to a face like that?

"everything just feels... heavy. it's hard to explain. it's like my entire being is just exhausted. especially my mind. there's just this weight over everything."

it was silent for a few beats. alessia's hand came to rest on the side of sim's face, her fingers gently scratching at sim's hair.

alessia considered her next words carefully. she was thankful that sim was starting to open up to her and all she wanted to do was help. to alessia, what sim was describing sounded a lot like depression, but she didn't have nearly enough information or qualifications to come to that conclusion. she also didn't want to push too far with her questions and cause sim to shut down again.

alessia settled on a question that would allow sim decide how much or how little to reveal.

"do you feel like that very often?"

"not anymore," sim whispered out, averting her eyes. "it's not that bad right now. i actually feel good most days. i still feel better than i did before the FA hired me. i'm just tired the last few days. don't know why."

though it concerned alessia that this feeling seemed to be somewhat familiar to sim, she was also happy to hear that things were okay at the moment.

"that's alright. everyone has bad days. what do you need from me right now, my love?" alessia asked, pulling sim closer, the hand that was on sim's head pulling the girl's head to her chest.

sim's eyes teared up slightly at alessia's actions. she had never felt so loved and cared for. it quieted the insecurities that plagued her mind, that constantly told her she was too much but at the same time never enough for alessia.

"i just want to be with you right now."

despite the waver in sim's voice, alessia's heart melted.

"alright, love, i've got you," alessia replied, pressing a quick kiss to sim's temple before shifting so she was on her back, sim automatically placing her head on alessia's chest, curling into her side.

sim let the warmth wash over her, grabbing a fistful of alessia's sleep shirt as she tried to snuggle closer.

"thank you," sim breathed, drowsiness starting to take over.

"you don't have to thank me. i'll always be here."

"i love you," sim said without thinking.

there was a moment of silence and sim's heart dropped.

of course, she just had to go and fuck this up too. they hadn't said it yet. why did you have to go and ruin the moment? she thought to herself.

her muscles tensed before she moved to pull away, but she was stopped by alessia's arms squeezing her tighter.

"i love you too," alessia said back. sim could almost hear the smile in her voice.

-----

the lionesses' next game was against spain, a world cup rematch. it went without saying that the girls were a mix of excitement and nerves. everyone dealt with it in their own way.

leah was immersed in film of barca and spain in the days leading up to the match. she remembered how helpless she had felt watching the world cup final and was determined to lead the team to a win this time around. it didn't matter to her that this was a friendly, that great britain had already qualified for the olympics.

millie could often be found beside leah, the two huddled over a tablet.

esme had created so many friendship bracelets that she had to order more thread.

katie had taken a bunch of the girls around town shopping, going to different coffee shops and trying to stay distracted.

ella had organized a mariokart tournament in one of the conference rooms for the girls that had stayed behind.

alessia was beside herself with nerves and had opted to waste away in her room under the guise of resting. sim had tried her best to assure her girlfriend, but her duties as social media admin made it difficult to get time alone with her.

sim was relieved when her latest round of meetings with the other media staff was over. she wanted nothing more than to care for alessia.

sim quietly eased the door open in case alessia actually was sleeping. when she turned after closing the door, it was to the sight of alessia sat on the bed, staring into the space above the television as it played old episodes of friends. her heart panged a little at the sight.

sim walked over to the bed, making a quick plan in her head. she knew that nothing she said was likely to make alessia feel better, so she settled on physical comfort.

alessia was shaken from her trance by the soft kiss sim placed on her temple.

"today's a hair wash day, right?" sim mumbled against alessia's skin, getting straight to the point.

"yeah, why?"

-----

twenty minutes later, sim was sat on the couch with alessia sat on the floor between her legs, the pair watching old episodes of superstore, sim's hands massaging coconut oil into the blonde's scalp.

"how did you even think to do this?" alessia mumbled.

"oiling hair is just a thing desi people do. i don't remember the exact origin. different people use different types of oil for different reasons. my maasi* used to do coconut oil before a wash once a week. in the winter, when our hair was dry and frizzy, she would rub baby oil just into the ends every now and then." (*maasi is mother's sister or cousin sister)

"yeah, but why are you doing this now?" alessia prodded. considering this was the first time she had heard sim voluntarily speak about her family, alessia didn't want to push too hard, but she was curious.

not that she was complaining. the massage was doing wonders for her headache and she was more relaxed than she had felt in weeks.

"just noticed you were stressed. obviously, i've never been in the same situation as you so i can't do much in the way of words. but i remember how relaxing this was for me so i figured i would share," sim replied somewhat sheepishly, hands stilling.

alessia was overwhelmed with affection for the younger girl. it was almost offputting how easily sim could read her, how she could anticipate what alessia needed before she herself knew what that was.

alessia reached a hand up to squeeze sim's arm, unable to vocalize how she felt in the moment.

"the massage part is almost done. then we need to let the oil sit for at least a half hour, and i'll wash it out for you."

the pair fell silent, no words needed between them. when it was time for a rinse, alessia sat on the ledge of the tub, leaning gently on sim's body behind her.

"as much as i am loving this right now, i'm going to have to ask you to hurry it up before i fall asleep here," alessia said, breaking the silence.

sim chuckled softly before turning on the water, using the handheld shower to rinse alessia's hair.

"thank you for this," alessia spoke, grabbing a soft towel to dry her hair off.

"you don't have to thank me," sim said shyly, a blush creeping on to her face.

alessia turned to look at sim, and the younger girl almost melted under the tenderness of alessia's gaze.

alessia knew that it was hard for sim to accept any gratitude, so settled for rushing forward and wrapping the girl up in a tight embrace, arms settling around sim's shoulders as hers wrapped around alessia's waist.

sim rested her forehead against alessia's sternum. sim's family never showed any physical affection, so it had taken her a while to get used to just how touchy her girlfriend could be, but sim would be lying if she said she didn't come to love it.

"let's head to bed, yeah? i'm going to fall asleep standing up and take you down with me. then you'll have two bad knees," alessia giggled.

"and then you'd have to carry me everywhere and we can't have that, can we? because then you'd have bad knees and leah would have my head!" sim replied with a chuckle, turning alessia's giggles into full-blown laughs.

-----

the cloud that seemed to be following sim around refused to fully recede, always lingering around the edges of sim's consciousness.

she had done a well enough job of hiding it from everyone. she'd made the effort not to push people away, but that didn't mean that she was asking for help either.

a part of her still felt ashamed and annoyed at how she was feeling. her life was the best it had ever been, so why was it so difficult for sim to just suck it up and enjoy it?

it was currently match day -1, and the lionesses were doing some light training on the pitch before they would head inside for a film session and tactics meeting.

sim was bundled up against the cold on the sidelines, filming when she needed but mostly just watching her girls work. the jealousy she felt while looking at them hadn't abated completely, but she could mostly shove it down and not let it become a problem.

"how's it going?" ella nudged sim, having made her way over after sarina concluded the training session.

"yeah, i'm alright, you?"

ella wrapped an arm around sim's shoulder, starting the walk back to the locker rooms as she chatted about something joe had said to her a few weeks ago.

alessia stole sim back from ella as the team filed into the locker room.

"hey! you get to see her everyday!" ella whined, making grabby hands as alessia steered sim towards her own cubby.

alessia simply stuck her tongue out at ella before gathering the things she needed for a shower and stepping out.

"oh! my family is all coming out for the game tomorrow, so don't run off with alessia so quick because i want you to meet them," ella said, grabbing sim's arm and setting her down on the bench in front of her own locker.

a nervous smile took over sim's face. "really?"

though the idea of meeting ella's parents was admittedly nice, it make sim more anxious than anything else.

"oh, yeah, they'll probably end up liking you more than me," ella responded jovially, trying to pull sim out of her head.

"speaking of," leah interjected, "sim, do you need tickets for any guests of yours? i can probably get them into the friends and family section."

sim immediately stiffened. she couldn't have this conversation with the team. not today, when she was already feeling so on edge.

"oh. no, i don't have anyone i'm bringing to the match," sim said, trying to make it clear with her tone that this wasn't a topic she was willing to elaborate on.

unfortunately, it seemed no one got the hint.

"what, parents couldn't make it?" millie chimed in.

"nah, they're not around anymore," sim said with a sigh, trying to brush it off with a wave of her hand.

however, it seemed to have the opposite effect. there were a few silent moments of tension before rachel's voice cut through.

"i'm really sorry to hear that."

sim's brow furrowed in confusion before she realized how her statement sounded.

"oh! no, don't be. i'm pretty sure they're still alive, we just don't... we're estranged. we don't talk anymore," sim rushed to clarify. the last thing she wanted at the moment was sympathy. especially when it came to her parents because the truth was, she was much, much better off without them in her life.

there was still a lingering tension in the locker room, though the air had lightened considerably. this was the most the lionesses had heard sim say about her family. even leah didn't quite know what to say. she settled for taking a seat beside sim, whose face still donned the same look of confusion.

she didn't understand why this seemed such a big deal.

"you don't want to reach out? mend things?" rachel continued quietly.

"trust me, it's better for everyone if we stay very far away from each other," sim said with a chuckle.

she cut herself off when she realized no one was laughing with her.

"you can't know that for sure. you should consider extending an olive branch, while you still can." rachel had turned to face sim properly now, almost a pleading note in her voice.

sim's back straightened, hands clenched into fists in her lap.

she took a deep, grounding breath before speaking. "look, i'm telling you, my parents and i do not talk anymore and it's for good reason. i don't owe anyone an explanation. please, drop it."

leah didn't think she had ever heard that level of iciness in sim's tone. she looked at sim, biting her lip as she did. it was like looking at the face of a different person. sim's face was completely blank, not a trace of emotion to be seen.

leah didn't say anything, figuring that rachel would respect the younger girl's wishes and stop pushing.

that didn't seem to be the case.

"i just don't see what could have happened that you're okay with never speaking to your parents again." rachel's voice had taken on an accusatory tone.

millie placed a hand on rachel's shoulder, trying to signal to her best friend that she should stop before things got too heated.

before leah could say something herself to defuse the tension, sim stood abruptly.

"rachel, i respect where you're coming from. really, i do. but i'm starting to get very frustrated with this conversation, so i'm going to leave before i say something i regret."

with that, sim left the locker room, the rest of the girls stunned into silence, only the sounds of sim's cane hitting the floor being heard.

"well, i think that is the politest way i've ever heard someone say 'fuck off,'" said millie.

leah stood to go after sim, but beth beat her to it. "i'll go," she whispered. leah nodded before rounding on rachel.

rachel looked like a fish out of water with the way her mouth opened and closed, searching for words.

"i know your heart was in the right place, but you pushed too hard. just be gentler next time, yeah?" leah asserted, her voice stern but not unkind.

"i'm sorry, i just-"

"it's okay. it's not me that you should apologize to. and don't take her reaction personally, alright? i don't even think alessia knows the full story about her parents."

-----

alessia walked back to her cubby, running a hand through the tangles in her damp hair. by the time she was pulling on a hoodie, she noticed a few things.

for one, her girlfriend was not where she had left her.

secondly, the few stragglers still in the locker room had their eyes trained on her, but averted them when she returned their gazes.

tooney was also stood awkwardly in the space around alessia's cubby, as though waiting for her.

"what?" alessia spoke with a frown, looking to ella when everyone else refused to meet her eyes.

"well..." ella's voice trailed off. she wasn't quite sure how to explain the situation without framing it like an argument and blowing it out of proportion. she did not want to be caught up in the middle of the awkward tension that now permeated the space.

"what?" alessia repeated, her voice now stern.

"look," ella said, holding a placating hand up to alessia, "it's not bad. there was just a conversation about sim inviting her parents and things got a little... tense? but everyone is fine, and beth went to look for sim."

confusion was replaced with concern and a little bit of anger.

"a conversation with who? where is she? is she alright?" alessia rushed out.

"you should hear it from her. i don't know where she is, but beth went to look for her, so it's okay. don't worry. it wasn't a big deal."

that was the thing, though. alessia wasn't sure that it wasn't a big deal.

sim's parents had come up in conversation a few times, but the most sim had ever let on was that they were no longer in contact.

it wasn't for lack of trying. however, the few times alessia had tried to venture further and pushed, sim had shut down, going almost completely silent and stony-faced. each time, it took hours to bring the girl back out of her shell.

the fact that sim wasn't feeling herself recently didn't do anything to ease the concern she was feeling.

with those memories in mind, alessia rushed out of the locker room to find sim and beth herself.

-----

beth looked everywhere for sim. she checked back on the training pitch, in the bathroom, the meal room, the media office, before finding her figure sat in a corner of one of the physio rooms.

beth's heart melted at the expression on sim's face. it was clear from the tightness in sim's jaw and shoulders that she was trying hard to keep her emotions in check.

sim was so caught up in whatever was going on in her head that she didn't notice beth's presence until she felt a hand settle on her clenched fist, forcing it open.

beth frowned at the indents in sim's palm from where her nails had dug into the skin.

"i'm sorry," sim rasped.

"what for? you didn't do anything wrong. i actually think you handled that in a very mature way."

beth's words seemed to fall on deaf ears as sim continued rambling.

"i'm not angry with rachel. i promise, i'm not."

beth shook sim's hand, prompting her to look up. "even if you were angry, you're allowed to feel that way. clearly, she pushed you on a topic that was sensitive for you," beth said gently, almost as though she was explaining something to a child.

"but she didn't know she was pushing. rachel didn't do anything wrong either. i can see where her reaction came from. she lost her father, and i know that he meant a lot to her. she would probably do anything for a little more time with him. i just-" sim ran her free hand through her already messy hair.

beth stayed silent, prodding sim to go on with a nod of her head.

"it's just that not all of us got lucky with our parents. i'm happy she has a great relationship with hers, trust me, i am. but some people have shit parents, and don't want to be pushed into mending bridges that were burned for good reason."

beth noted sim's reluctance to use the word "i" instead of "us" but chose not to say anything. as far as she knew, this was the most anyone had gotten out of sim about her parents.

"her heart was in the right place, but she was still insensitive. she could have been a bit kinder to you. i lost my mum too, so i know where she's coming from, but i also know that not everyone has nice parents like mine or hers. you don't have to defend rachel to me, alright?"

sim nodded, resting her head on beth's shoulder.

"you don't have to talk about what happened with your parents, but i'm here to listen if you decide you want to. i'm sure the same goes for the rest of the girls as well," beth continued.

a comfortable silence fell over the pair. in that moment, sim was overcome with affection. she felt so seen by this new family she had found in the lionesses. unable to voice how much it meant to her, sim tried to put all that emotion into a squeeze of beth's hand.

when beth squeezed back, sim knew her message had been received.

[thejesterjournal]

Post VIII: Sonnet and Haiku

After writing a Sonnet a second time, I can happily say that I don't enjoy writing them. They're definitely something I can explore if I want a challenge, but I wouldn't willingly write another Sonnet (unless I'm experimenting). However, I tried to let myself have fun with this one. The first time I wrote a Sonnet was just last semester, in my Intro to Creative Writing class. I went with just putting 10 syllables per line and tried my best to simply get through each line. It as, admittedly, not my best work.

For this Sonnet, I tried to challenge myself and write in Iambic Pentameter. I'm not sure if I accomplished this or not. I admit that I forgot the deadline, so I wrote both the sonnet and the Haiku in one night. My desktop had so many syllable tabs open, and I still wasn't convinced I was stressing them correctly. Either way, I made an attempt and I can always revisit it later (if I don't rip my hair out first).

Despite the rushed process, I liked how this poem turned out. I had a completely different theme in mind, but the words starting flowing and who was I to stop them? My subconscious mind wanted me to let something out, and I'm glad it took over. Sometimes poetry chooses to become personal, and that's okay. Feelings are weird. They get jumbled and stuck in our heart and mind, getting stuffed down further and jammed together the more we ignore their presence. When they see an opportunity to be let out, they will take it. Fortunately for me, these feelings had a goal in mind and articulated it very well.

Which brings me to my Haiku. I've said before and I'll say it again: I love Haikus. They're fun to write and experiment with. How much can you say in just three lines? Reveal the bare bones of your subject and see how relatable it is still. That's how I see Haikus and that's what I want to express when I write them. When I finished my Haiku, I wasn't satisfied with it. I thought it didn't quite capture what I wanted to say in my Sonnet, but I had no time to start over and just kept it.

However, I've changed my mind. Now that I've read it with a clear head, I understand it better. I understand myself better. The love portrayed in my Sonnet isn't great. You're not supposed to want that kind of love. It's all-consuming and suffocating. Is it an experience? Yes, but not one everyone should have. With Birdwatching, I wanted to portray a sort of outsider view of the lovers. A blue bird is peacefully living their life, a hawk is living theirs just fine, but swoops anyway. Was the hawk being greedy for eating this innocent bird or was it just trying to survive in a world they deem cruel?

Obviously, real hawks don't care about these kinds of things, but it's interesting to think about. What makes a hawk eat other birds? Are they malnourished or just bullies? Did they get sick of rodents? Are the other birds just that easy to consume? We don't know and we don't really care, but a part of us is just curious enough to wonder.

[teenage-mutant-ninja-freak]

Can you do the mob boys reacting to their teenage daughter sneaking out the house/ rebelling?

Mob! Leo

He knows a little about rebelling so he's not totally surprised when he catches his teen daughter sneaking out

but he appreciates guts more than anything

and it was a pretty ballsy move for his kid to defy him like this

she thinks she's being so slick as well, waiting for him to go to bed and creeping out

"And what plans do you have at this time of night? He better be worth the grounding you're about to get"

aannddd she knows she's done for

but she's gotta try, y'know?

with the most innocent look and a sweet as pie voice she turns to him like:

"Daddy, I'm just going out to see a movie with Claire. You remember her, right? No boys or alcohol, just a movie"

he's not fooled

"Oh really, open your bag then?"

time to drop the act

"fine. How long am I grounded for? "

he tells her it's forever but she knows it'll be like a week as per usual

stomps back up the stairs muttering about how she can't wait to move out at 18

Mob! Raph

ok but he's such a big softy

like his daughter could get away with murder, both figuratively and literally.

but he doesn't like her doing anything that could her hurt, like walking around the streets of New York late at night....

he catches her shimmying down a drainpipe out her bedroom window

she's super slow at it so he just goes downstairs and waits for her

"I told you no"

she half jumps out of her skin

she really didn't think he'd know she was doing this

"But dad!"

"I said no, it's 11:30 at night, I don't want you out at this time"

"I'm just going to a friend's house, please? Her dad's picking me up and everything, he'll drop me back too!"

puppy dog eyes galore

he thinks about it for a minute

"I'll drop you off. And pick you up. And if you aren't there, I'm sending your body guards out for you and they will embarrass you in front of your friends. I'll make sure of that"

"Thank you, daddy!"

big hugs

he makes the guards embarrass her anyways as punishment

Mob! Mikey

Oh god he's such a wild card as a parent

but also such a massive push over as a parent

like his kids really aren't used to being told "no"

but when he says "no" he fucking means it

so when he catches his daughter with a bottle of raspberry vodka in one hand and his car keys in the other... shit is about to hit the fan

she hears it before she even realises what's happened

the bottle of vodka smashing on the floor

then there's what he says

because Mikey doesn't yell, he actually gets real quiet when he's angry

"Is this what I fucking get? for raising you, caring for you, protecting you? this blatant disregard for my rules and wishes? Who are you sneaking out to see? Because I fucking swear that if it's the boy you've been making eyes at all semester, he won't make it to school on Monday or ever again. Do you understand?"

he sort of realises he fucked up once she starts balling her eyes out and shaking

after that he clams down and they go back inside for some daddy/daughter rebuilding trust.

she's fine the next day but never sneaks out again

Mob! Donnie

one dad you do not want to fuck with

he plays the long game

he see's her sneak out, and follows

obvs he's super discreet and she thinks she's gotten away with it

until her and her friends are drinking and partying and dancing, until they feel comfortable...

then he strikes

armed guards knock down the door, guns pointed in everyone's faces

there's a bit of a scuffle (drunk "hero" teenage boy trying to show he's a big shot) but he gets knocked out pretty quickly

then Donnie appears

he grabs her by the hair, pulling her face close to his and hissing that it's time for them to leave

in the car on the way back, he's eerily calm

she's trying to do damage control, lot's of "i'm sorry" and "it'll never happen again"

"Oh, I know it won't"

she's confused

"I don't want bad influences on my daughter. so you're going to a private school and I've been assured, it's very strict. Your friends are all going to fail their classes and get kicked out of school and they will be made to know it's your fault and I expect a 5000 word essay on why this was such a bad idea in my hand by Wednesday"

she just sobs

after the essay is handed to him, he "forgives her" and doesn't continue with his plan.

but she never does shit like that again.

[lisutarid-a]

[Gakuen K] Fushimi Saruhiko Route Translation

Lucky item

LIST OF CHAPTERS

[Translation under the cut]

Saya: (…An hour earlier than usual)

Saya: *yawns* Fuaaa…

Saya: (It's a new school semester, I should get up and get ready. Let's turn on the TV for now)

Saya: (It looks like the astrology just started)

Saya: (Oh, I'm at the bottom of the list today. Let's see, the lucky item that brings me luck is a ”ballpoint pen with a blue design"…)

Saya: (I don't have one…What a pity)

Kukuri: Good morning! It's the first day of school!

Saya: Kukuri-chan, good morning!

Kukuri: Summer vacation is finally over…I wish we had at least one more month.

Saya: Ahaha, but if we have too many holidays, we might become anxious because there're too many of them.

Kukuri: That's for sure. I'm not sure I'll be able to get up properly in the morning. Okay, let's switch the mood and do our best!

Saya: Uhm! Let's do our best!

Saya: (Ah, Fushimi-kun is here)

Saya: Fushimi-kun, good morning.

Fushimi: Tsk…Class is even louder than usual…

Saya: Maybe because it's the end of the vacations. But I think it's nice to be lively. The teacher hasn't come yet.

Fushimi: Too lively. Just being in the classroom is exhausting.

Saya: Ahaha…Especially the members of the Red and Silver clubs are very lively.

Fushimi: …This is a very malicious class placement.

Saya: But I'm glad that Fushimi-kun is in this class.

Fushimi: Ha?

Saya: If we had only met in the Blue club, I don't think we would have been able to talk much, even though we were paired up.

Fushimi: It's you who always talks to me on a whim.

Saya: That may be true…

Fushimi: What are you talking about all of a sudden? Is your brain still on summer vacation?

Saya: I-It's not!

Saya: (But I feel like recently he's been responding to me better than he used to)

Neko: Hey! Kurosuke! That's Wagahai's lunch!

Kuroh: Who wants to eat when it's not even lunchtime yet!

Kamamoto: Yata-san was really amazing !

Yata: Right? Hehe. I'm good at surfing! That's called 'Off the Lip'.

Fushimi: Tsk…So noisy. I'm sick of being in this class again.

Saya: But there will be lots of events in the autumn, so I'm sure it will be fun.

Saya: Cultural festival, school trip…

Fushimi: It's just more extra work for the Student Council Office, the Blue club, and the Discipline committee.

Saya: I hope we don't have to do that kind of work at least on the school trip.

Saya: (…Oh. The thing in Fushimi-kun's pen case, could it be…)

Saya: (Ballpoint pen with a blue design… I wonder if he could lend me it. I'm sure he'll tell me that fortune-telling is a stupid thing)

Fushimi: …What are you looking at?

Saya: Ah, em…

Choice: I want to borrow your ballpoint pen ❤

Saya: At this blue design ballpoint pen in your pen case.

Saya: Um, if you don't mind, could I borrow it for the day?

Fushimi: Ha? Why?

Saya: Ah, it's not like I forgot mine.

Saya: My zodiac sign is at the bottom of the list today. The item that will bring me luck is a ballpoint pen of that color.

Saya: I don't have one, so I was wondering if I could borrow it…

Saya: ...Can't I?

Choice: What a stylish ballpoint pen

Saya: What a stylish ballpoint pen.

Fushimi: Where?

Saya: This color is so beautiful, I think it reminds me of the Blue club…

Fushimi: Just say clearly what you're trying to say.

Saya: Okay…Actually, I was wondering if I could borrow this ballpoint pen.

Fushimi: Why?

Saya: In fact, my horoscope is at the bottom of the list. My lucky item is a blue ballpoint pen like this one.

Fushimi: I don't use ballpoint pens very often, so I can lend it to you.

Saya: Eh, really!?

Fushimi: Don't lose it. And don't get it dirty.

Saya: Uhm! I'll definitely return it as is!

Saya: I thought for sure he would turn me down, I'm so happy.

Saya: By the way, what is Fushimi's zodiac sign?

Fushimi: Scorpio.

Saya: Scorpios is born in November, right? What day were you born?

Fushimi: On the 7th…Why are you asking?

Saya: I thought it would be a good idea to ask my friend about his birthday--.

Saya: *bell rings* Oh, well, I'm going back to my seat. Thanks for the ballpoint pen! I'll return it after school.

Saya: (Now that he told me about his birthday, I wish I could give him some kind of present…)

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[chaotic-archaeologist]

Hey Reid, really random question, but what do you discuss in office hours generally?

For context, I'm a new undergrad student (on a joint English, drama, and creative studies course, I know this isnt your department but it's not too relevant) and we've been sent forms to fill in about what we want to discuss with our personal tutor in our first meeting with them. I have no idea what you're supposed to talk about in these sessions and as the semester's only just started we're not yet doing assessments, coursework or big projects at all. Plus, as a joint honours student I don't know whether I can talk about my other subject well with her or not as she's only from one subject's department.

The only thing I was thinking I could talk about would be the fact that it's become clear already that my passion in the subjects is completely different to everyone else's on my course (there's only about a dozen of us in the classes for one of my departments) and I guess that leaves me a little directionless so maybe something about careers to do with that but I feel like it's such early doors to start discussing careers.

Anyway yeah, as someone who has already been there and who I believe is now doing it too (if wrong, sorry!) do you have any general recommendations of what students can talk about in office hours with their personal tutors or other teachers? Thank you!

Psst, I'm going to tell you a secret: the vast majority of students do not actually come to office hours. Even though they should! It literally cannot hurt! And coming to office hours is a great opportunity to build rapport with your instructor/TA and get academic help! But out of the approximately 300 student's I've had, I've met with maybe 10 of them.

I say this not to be cynical, but to drive home the point that you are winning by just showing up. You don't have to come with a list of perfectly prepared questions—you're a student, and you are, by definition, learning! Do the readings and assignments, and engage with your instructor.

Now, I'm not sure how your program works, and you say tutor rather than TA, so the etiquette might be a little different. A tutor is there to help you academically, while a TA is there to answer some questions, but by and large you are expected to be in charge of your own learning experience.

As a TA, I'm generally happy to meet with students by appointment, but I also really appreciate it when students are able to understand that I am 1) a human being with a finite amount of time and energy, and 2) my job is to support you but not hold your hand. Your section may not be the only one your TA is responsible for, and they also have their own studies to attend to.

Here are some things that are appropriate to ask from your TA:

To look over a paper draft and offer feedback (provided this is something they have offered to do as part of their job)

Request feedback on an assignment after your grade to know what you could do better next time

Schedule a meeting to discuss topics you are struggling with

And some things that are not appropriate to ask your TA:

Questions where the answers can be found on the syllabus (due dates, percentage of grades for certain assignments, the readings for a given week)

When will I get my grade? (See my above point about being only human. If assignments have been turned in, assume your TA is working on getting them back to you, and that they cannot do so immediately. Give it at least two weeks before checking in)

Asking for a particular grade on an assignment

As for your first meeting with your tutor/instructor/TA, I'll reiterate: just show up! Introduce yourself, say hi, and don't feel too much pressure to hit the ground running.

Here are some posts I've made that you might find relevant:

Tips to make your professors love you

Student conduct

Citation how-to

Thank your professors

Take a deep breath. I sense that you might be someone who puts a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect. Nobody else is expecting that from you. You're learning, and it's okay to be unsure and make mistakes! Trust in yourself to do your best in the moment; that's all you can do.

-Reid

[calamitoustide]

do you have any thoughts on single dad james?

oh yes I do! I have three scenarios that I grab onto with single dad james.

the first is a teach them how to dream type thing which I've talked about a lot but it's an older James who's on good terms with Lily and the co-parent him, only separately. we've talked about him though so I'll move on.

there's teenage single dad James! or at least early twenties who's in uni. If I ever write another uni au I feel like Harry needs to be there. Lily would be involved here too and they would switch off during classes, their schedules would line up well for it (at least in the semester that they're in) so they'd do drop-offs all over campus. Harry is practically raised on campus. When it's nice you'll always find James outside on the lawn studying with little Harry on his lap, or he's in a cafe when it's colder, or rainy. He's on one of the sports teams and he takes Harry to practice when Lily's also busy, and there's always someone on the bench to watch over him. I feel like in any single dad au he has this huge support system. Harry is a very loved boy.

and then... you know since it's me... I've got to talk about single dad sad James. I gotta. This idea is more recent and by that, I mean like June? I just haven't talked about it much. I'm just very interested in the idea of what parenthood does to sad James especially if he's not in a relationship with Lily at the time. They've broken off and he's anxious about how this will affect Harry. He's anxious about a lot of things. He doesn't want to ever leave Harry, he's so attached to him. When he's not with Harry he's on the brink of a panic attack the entire time because what if something happens? what if something goes wrong? This all comes back to the idea that James doesn't think he's enough for Harry. He pushes away his mental health and says he's fine when he's not because he refuses to take a break. He can't. Harry needs him. He's not good at focusing on himself. That's when Regulus comes in and he forces him to take a break, and work on himself as all my ideas go, but I do think James being overly worried about Harry to the point where it's hurting both of them makes sense. James would worry so much about his bad mental health hurting Harry that he in turn would hurt Harry trying to shove it away. It would also get to the point where it's so bad that he thinks Harry would be better off without him because of all of this... and then the cycle would just go around. It would just get worse. He would keep hurting himself and Harry. The cycle can be broken, and it would be, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I have more thoughts, but this is the one I'm really into now. I think there's a lot to explore with it. One day I'd really love to write a fic just on this honestly.

[lil-melody-moon]

Hello dear, hope you’re doing okay❤️ I just wanted to know your opinion on the new Beatles song. I can’t stop listening to the song and I wonder how do you feel about it. Love ya 🫶🏻

Hello, hun! <3 Oh God, I didn't expect to get an ask about this song, oh Gosh, wait, I need to listen to it once more - best time of the month for me, let me gather my brain.

*4 minutes later*

Alright so how do I even start with this? It's as melancholic as it could get, I love the melody of it. Piano, drums they are good, especially the drums. Ringo did his best job again, love him for that - the guy is irreplaceable <3 Violins are making the work there too, Gosh I love this instrument so much! But the part that draws my attention the most is the bridge. The guitar even sounds sad, but I'll get to that one moment in a few, because now's the time for vocals and lyrics.

I have one problem with the vocals and it's not John. I actually like how he sounds there - I think I heard his voice breaking a few times? I'm not quite sure about that - it's soft, somehow longing, but the thing is I don't like Paul's harmony in it. As much as I like him and adore him for his music, it just doesn't fit for me in the chorus. Maybe it's his old voice that throws me off the melancholy each time I hear him, but like. The song could be good with John's voice only, maybe even better, but it was Paul's and Ringo's choice to do the song how it is now and I'm fine with that. That's only a detail that I can get used to after listening to it a few times.

Generally what image I get through this song is this: two people on each side of a barrier of some sort. Both can see one another, but they can't get any closer. One of them is alive - that's a woman for me, second is dead - that's a man for me, watching over the alive one. It's just that this one moment let them see each other for the first time this close and this visible. The woman thanks the man for care, for support, for being almost always there in various forms - let it be music, videos, photos etc - for helping her in another hard time in her life and so on and so on.

And now to the lyrics, oh God almighty.

It's one of the songs that got my attention to the lyrics almost right away, that's why I couldn't exactly say that if I like it or not after first listen - I always have it like that if this happens - but they got my attention for a reason. This song, at least for me, is about longing for the other person. Loneliness, tears and crying, this is what I get from lyrics and melody all together. I will not go through each verse because that would take forever, but like I have no other choice but to somehow go through it as a whole and get a little personal here.

With the chorus, and with the line "I miss you" the woman breaks in tears, because even if they didn't know each other she has always felt that a part of her is missing and couldn't be so easily found and yet when she does find it, it turns out that it's out of her reach. Though this moment, which should last for no longer than a few seconds is longer. The barrier disappears with the bridge, the man steps closer to the woman, embracing her, promising her that they'll get together. He can't exactly tell if in real world or in afterlife, but he can keep the promise that it'll happen. The song ends and the moment ends as well, leaving the longing feeling even stronger.

This is how the entire song feels to me and even the timing of it is like a strange coincidence because I'm going through a difficult time. It's nothing too major, but university became hard, this semester is hellish, almost nothing interests me, but I want to finish this degree so I have to go through it and yet, there's this one person who makes all of this better. His music makes it better, generally he makes it better for me - even if he's dead for so long, bringing so much joy that I can't even measure it, let alone word it and you can call me crazy, but I think I fell in love with him. In fact I spoke about soul connections with a dear friend of mine and we both came to conclusion that maybe, just maybe this is what takes place, all of the above, the story that this song caused to appear in my mind.

Could be true, could be not, could be even my chaotic, period emotions going insane over him, but in conclusion, to not make this answer even longer, that song makes me feel melancholic, it hits right where it should, I like it, besides that one detail but I can get used to that.

Thank you for asking, love you too! <3