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ryiju-muunie · 8 months ago

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Chocolate roses

18+ viewer discretion advised

fem!reader/toji fushiguro Warnings: aphrodisiac, divorced Toji, mama-guro POV, make-up sex, creampie, breeding kink, squirting, pussy eating, fingering, doggy style, nipple play, make out, fluff, a bit of angst, the reader is in her thirties and Toji is like forty :/ Word count: 4577 words DESC: Your ex-husband Toji shows up unannounced to surprise your kids after school! At 10 AM! And some things go down when he eats chocolate meant for a bachelorette party and not him.

PSA this is inspired by the lovely I Always Come Back by HXLTIC that I read at 3 AM. This is not proofread although my friend was reading along so we ball ^-^

When Toji Zenin showed up at your door, the first thing you wanted to do was slam it shut in his face. But… the father of your children? You couldn’t bear to do that to him. So instead you heard him out.

“I wanted to surprise Tsumiki and Megumi when they came home from school,” was all your ex-husband said with a casual shrug of his shoulders. His shirt was black and too tight for his well-built body. That was one thing you missed, but it was too early to think about running your hands up his chest.

Instead, you turned your head to the side to peer behind him on your porch. It was a sunny day and only 10:03 AM. School typically got out at 2:30 and knowing your kids they’d be doing all sorts of extracurriculars, pushing their arrival home back by another two hours.

God! Why did he want to come so … early? It would be about four hours of pure torture with the man you once swore you’d devote your life to. But things were different. Your vows were broken on both ends and you weren’t proud to admit it but a lot of the fall of your marriage was your fault. You had decided to go back to work and force your husband to stay home and watch the kids. He didn’t mind he enjoyed spending his mornings watching little Gumi and Miki.

But then you started coming home later and later, dodging his kisses and calls in favor of making money. You lost sight of your marriage and he left you for it. If you truly admitted to yourself, you missed him. You missed him so much. But how could you tell him that? It had been five years since your divorce and the last thing you could do was call him crying trying to mend it.

Toji had his walls up and you didn’t blame him. If the roles were reversed you would’ve done the same thing.

“I don’t know…” You trailed off, looking down at the oversized orange cardigan you had bought at a local shop a few years back, “They won’t be back until the mid-afternoon.” Your voice took an unsure tone and your hands took to mess with the ends of your knitted sweater.

Toji always liked that on you and you could tell he still did. While he had his walls up he didn’t exactly hide his gaze. It slowly trailed up your body but not in a sexual way this time. In more of a familiar way. You hadn’t stopped this long to talk to him in a few years. Every time you’d see each other you were too embarrassed to speak to him for more than a minute. I mean, your failed marriage was your fault, right?

“I think you’ve been avoiding me,” Toji rested one hand on the frame of the door and the other on the door itself, pushing it forward with one strong movement, “You don’t have to be embarrassed. It was almost six years ago, I’m over it.”

Your eyes narrowed. Was it that obvious on your face? Could he just read all the emotions coming off of you? All the shame and regret he didn’t get to see because you were too busy waving him off.

Without saying anything else your ex-husband pushed past you and plopped himself down on your white couch, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it to the side. He stretched out his legs and arms without looking back at you. Instead, he was focused on the decorations. It had been so many years since he was invited inside. With every year more regret and shame built up in your mind, so you stopped inviting him inside.

“Yeah just… make yourself at home,” you sighed, walking to pick up his jacket. But then you stopped yourself and let out a breath. If he said he was over it then the least you could do was make it less awkward. Offer him something to drink?

“Do you want something to drink? Tea or lemonade?” You raised an eyebrow, motioning to the open-concept kitchen you had opted for, which differed from the one you two used to share.

The raven-haired male glanced over towards the kitchen and one-half of his mouth turned upwards in a lopsided smirk, “You have any beer?”

You blinked a few times as the request registered in your mind, “Toji it’s almost 10:30.”

“Fine,” he waved a hand and stood up, walking straight past you as if he had owned and built the place himself. He strolled up to the fridge and opened it, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes at the limited options, “I’m kinda hungry too… you don’t mind do you?”

With that, a smile appeared on your face. For once Toji wasn’t very tense and for once you weren’t either. Maybe he was really over it, or at least somewhat over it. Or… maybe he was trying to move past it and make amends. Maybe coming over today so early was his way of saying “It’s okay, let’s move on together.” It was mature of him, something you never thought you’d think about Toji. He was mature.

He noticed your smile and nodded, taking that as a yes to the fact you didn’t mind. Maybe your relationship was going to change for the better.

“I bought Megumi and Tsumiki some rollerskates,” you began turning and walking to sit back on the couch. You didn’t want to hover over your ex-husband and he could pick his food himself. Besides, it was nice to talk as if no time had passed.

“Am I gonna have to teach them how to skate?” Toji asked, with his head stuck inside the fridge rummaging around. There had to be something in there that he would like. After you divorced you stopped buying the things he liked, so maybe he wouldn’t find anything after all.

You thought for a moment before nodding, like he could see you, “I think it would be a good bonding activity.” As you spoke your ex-husband came and sat down a foot away from you on the opposite side of the couch.

He was munching on something you hadn’t bothered to glance over to inspect. Well you didn’t mind, he was the father of your children so if he ate your snacks it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the entire world.

You two sat in silence for a moment. You grabbed the remote and opted to play an old show you were both familiar with but didn’t have the energy to fully commit to. The silence was nice. It was comforting to sit next to someone who you once loved. Well… you still did love him but he didn’t need to know that. It was nice to pretend that nothing had changed and you were back to normal.

“These chocolates are weird…” Toji murmured, wiping his mouth with the back of his right hand. Then he got up to go to the sink and wash his hands.

Chocolates? Well, there were only a few chocolates in the fridge. Some you got as a Valentine's Day gift from Megumi, then some you had bought for a bachelorette party. But those were hidden away in the butter container on a high shelf, so none of your kids found them.

The special chocolates had some aphrodisiacs in them and for some weird reason, the bride-to-be requested you brought them for her. Something about a last day of freedom. Whatever it was you shrugged and did so. The packaging said you were supposed to keep them refrigerated and then in twenty to thirty-five minutes they would work.

“Were they good? Megumi picked them out for me,” you looked back at him as he washed his hands. There was a different aura about your ex-husband as he stood washing his hands. His body was stiff and his muscles looked a bit tense.

He glanced back at you with a faraway expression before nodding and swallowing visibly, “They tasted a little weird, but eh,” Toji shrugged and sat down on the couch again. This time, though, just a bit closer than before. He crossed one of his legs, in a manly way, resting his ankle on his knee and bouncing the resting leg.

“Weird? Were they expired?” You frowned and stared at the TV. You never understood the hype of 1990s sitcoms but it was something better than sitting in more silence. With good silence, you always needed something in the background.

Toji blinked a few times as his lips pressed into a firm line. He took a moment to respond with the muscles in his jaw tightening. His eyes darted back and forth between the girl and the man on TV before he replied, “...Yeah.”

You frowned but said nothing else. Hopefully, you didn’t food-poison him. The one time you had your ex-husband over and he got sick? How bad would that look? You shook your head and moved some hair back behind your ear to the best of your ability, trying not to stare. He looked… different. More focused on the TV like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Maybe ten minutes had passed before he broke the silence again, “Can we turn on a fan? I’m running hot,” was all he said, but it was different than before. His voice was low, husky, and rasped. When he turned to meet your worried gaze, you were met with a familiar stare.

He was… horny.

Your eyes widened at the sudden realization as to what chocolates he ate, and why they tasted so weird. You were married to him for almost a decade of course you knew the exact look and what it meant down to the way he looked at you through a thick row of eyelashes. You knew what that clenched jaw and tightened bicep meant. He was trying desperately not to make a move on someone he swore he was over.

You turned away and nodded, standing up to turn on the fan from the knob on the wall. As you did so, you felt those eyes penetrating your back and burning holes deep into your skin. Five years of pent-up lust was coming out and being thrown your way. You swallowed and looked back at the wall. You had to say something. Toji probably already knew he had eaten something laced and he was probably mentally freaking out, as much as Toji Zenin could freak out.

“Toji-” You couldn’t even get a word out before he hissed and threw his head back.

“Don’t… speak, doll,” he spoke through gritted teeth, “I don’t think these were Gumi’s chocolates, huh?” Was the last thing he managed to say before he used his forearm to wipe off some sweat forming on his brow.

Just from sitting there for almost twenty minutes, he had looked like he had run a marathon, drenched in sweat and now … panting like a damn dog. It was so attractive you didn’t know what to do. Of course, you still loved him, we’ve established that. You’d do anything to get back with him and get one more chance to prove you aren’t money-hungry. But you wanted to do it if he wanted it, and you wanted to do it if he asked. You couldn’t take advantage of him, even if seeing him this aroused made you wet.

“They’re laced from a bachelorette party,” you explained quietly, slowly inching your way back to the couch to sit as far away from him as possible.

“That why they were in the butter dish?” He asked, staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes.

“Yes- did you seriously look through my butter dish?” A frown appeared on your lips before you shook your head, “Anyways. I’m really sorry. If you want you can go to the bathroom and … relieve yourself. I won’t judge.”

A few silent seconds passed before Toji moved his head to stare at you. It was pure lust, sure, but mixed into the lust was admiration. It was as if he was staring at you for the first time in a hundred years and seeing you for your soul. No one had looked at you like that, especially not Toji fucking Zenin.

He blinked a few times and looked away, “Yeah… I should,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. Sweat marks lined his black shirt and you swore that they hadn’t been there before.

“But,” a curious and sly expression came back to face you, “I’ve been missing you.”

You let out a breath, “That’s just the aphrodisiac talking.”

He raised an eyebrow and moved his leg that had been crossed down to man spread a bit more than he had before. He was hard! Wow almost like we expected that, right audience? You glanced down at his bulge and for a moment you could picture exactly how it looked in your hands. But he cleared his throat and your eyes snapped back to your ex-husbands.

“So the aphro… whatever-s been making me miss you even before today?”

He… missed you? Toji Zenin, the heartless man you managed to hurt… missed you? The man who divorced you because you cared more about money than your own family… missed you?

That was the thing that made you realize you had completely soaked your underwear as you felt it uncomfortably cling deep into your cunt. You shifted around and pressed your lips together tightly.

Of course, you missed him. Of course, you wanted him! Of course, you wanted your family back!

“You miss me? Even after the shitty things I’ve done?” Your voice was barely above a whisper but you weren’t even sure he heard it over the throbbing of your heart.

Your ex-husband nodded and looked down at his lap, “I haven’t been with anyone else in almost six years because I thought there’d be a chance you’d come back.”

The puzzle clicked into your head and in that moment you felt like the most stupid person in the world. It wasn’t you who was waiting for the first move, but it was him. Toji, the one who was forward -the one who started your relationship by approaching you in that bar- wanted you to make the first move. And you were completely blind to see it.

“I… was too scared to come back after treating you like that. I always thought if you wanted me back, you’d come back,” with that you laughed hollowly, but the laugh was cut short when you felt the couch's weight shift around.

Within a second Toji was facing you then on top of you. His body hovered over yours with his face just watching you. It was completely different than the sex-hungry Toji you had married. Yeah you loved each other and you had romantic sex, but it wasn’t to this extent. He looked at you with five years' worth of lust and love. He hadn’t been with anyone since you, he hadn’t touched anyone, he hadn’t tasted anyone. Because… he was waiting for you.

“I’ve been craving you, princess,” he whispered, “I haven’t been able to touch myself without thinking of you…” One of his hands slowly moved to your right side, cupping your waist and sliding to the top of your hip, “I should have never let you go.”

You nodded slowly, letting one hand snake up to the back of his neck, “I want another chance. I want to make it better.”

Toj breathed out and a laugh followed suit. You had never seen him this incredibly desperate before. You had never seen him stare at you as if you were the only woman in the world and you never wanted it to stop.

“Make it better and kiss me, doll,” was all he said before you did as he asked. Your lips melded together in a way that they hadn’t in several years. It was instant muscle memory, with his taste and his soft lips making your core ache for penetration.

But it was different. He didn’t deepen the kiss at first, instead, he took his time to suck on your bottom lip. Toji wanted to taste you and savor you until there was nothing left to taste and savor. He wanted you to intoxicate him until he passed out. Even if he had never taken that aphrodisiac, his feelings would have never changed. Sure, they wouldn’t have been as sexual but where's the fun in that?

You felt a guttural moan pass your lips when he tilted his head to the right to deepen the kiss, and you heard him snicker. God you missed how cocky he would get and it seemed as if nothing had changed. His hands hadn’t changed either. They dipped into the hem of your sweatpants and traced the soft skin of your stomach.

Toji had always loved how your stomach hung out of your body. It was a sign you had birthed two beautiful joys. And it was a sign you were capable of creating more joy with him and only him. He loved to bite and kiss every stretch mark and mole, every fiber of fat, even if he’d never say it out loud.

Now he was too busy taking your mouth against his to speak about how beautiful your body was. One of his hands pulled down your sweatpants and the other pulled down your underwear. Your head was swimming from arousal you hadn’t noticed his hands pushing your legs open. But you did notice when he pulled away from your kiss. A trail of slobber dripped from his chin and onto your aching cunt.

He knew exactly what you liked. I mean, you were married for almost ten years. He knew how delicate you wanted him to start, even if he’d groan and complain while doing it. Toji was always gentle when he began to stimulate your vulva.

Two fingers ran down your slit before pulling back your lips and letting him use his tongue. Fuck, how you loved it when he fucked you with his long tongue. You didn’t know where he got that magical talent from but you weren’t complaining. Toji’s tongue slid from your clit down into your center, focussing on sliding his tongue back and forth against you. Your breath hitched at the sudden sensation.

It didn’t take him long before he was circling back and sucking on your swollen clit. His mouth was made from gods and he used it to please you. Your hands trailed up your own body to grab onto one of your breasts. If he wasn’t going to stimulate your nipples then you were going to yourself. One hand slid underneath your cardigan to pinch the pink nub and roll it under your fingers.

“Toji…mm-fu..fuck,” you breathed out, rolling your hips against his face which was completely stuffed into your pussy. Toji would tell you straight up he enjoyed eating you out for his pleasure, not anything else. Sure, he wanted you to cum, but he wanted to be able to taste you cum even more.

He wanted to feel you squirt in his face and drink it up. Even if you thought it tasted bad he relished in it. And god did he miss this. He missed playing with your cunt until you were sore. He could just cum from eating you out and Toji was getting close. Just sinking in the tip of his cock in your folds at this rate would completely milk him.

Toji pulled his face back to wipe off his mouth with the back of his hand, “Do you want me to fuck you… or would you prefer I make you squirt?” His voice was even more perfect than you could’ve remembered, and hearing it through your ringing ears made it more heavenly.

“...Both,” you whispered, looking down at him with one eye closed and a smile pressed against your lips.

He blinked a few times then grinned, “That’s my girl,” and he went nose-first into your center. It took him a few seconds to pry one hand from your thighs to pump inside you. At this point, you were accustomed to two fingers being the minimum for Toji, and that’s what he promised.

Two fingers gently pushed inside of you but didn’t stay gentle for long. The last knuckle on his index and middle finger curled, followed by the second to create a motion he knew would touch your g-spot. Toji slowly moved them in and out, and in and out, and in and out. With each thrust of his hand, it got faster and you could feel a sensation rising in your lower body.

Toji knew the only way to truly get you close was multiple ways of stimulation. So he’d typically eat you out, finger you, and massage your nipples. Thankfully you were taking care of your breasts which left your pussy to him. He ate you out like a starving man on death row whose last meal was something he hadn’t eaten in ten years with an endless supply.

The sensation rising in your core hasn’t been talked about enough, huh? You felt it build directly inside your walls, as your G-spot was stimulated. Then it moved further out to your clit, then down your thighs and legs. Before it rushed over your head and made you throw it back in a loud moan. You were getting close and you couldn’t even verbalize it. But Toji knew exactly what to look out for to know when you were close. And he could tell when you were about to squirt.

And you were about to squirt.

“T-T…hah fu-fuck Toji,” you groaned, letting go of one of your breasts to grab a fist full of his hair. He didn’t say anything so as not to disrupt the magic he was brewing in your nether regions (ba dum tss).

He bobbed his head up and down a few times and tempted fate by adding in a third finger. It wasn’t so much that you couldn’t take it, but more so that he knew exactly what it was going to do. Within a few seconds, you gasped and let out a loud moan, with a shudder running through your body. Another shudder and you felt yourself release on him. It was one thing to squirt and not feel it, but it was another to feel the sensation of releasing your liquids.

It jutted out of your pussy and onto your grinning ex-husband's face. He laughed a bit and wiped his mouth with his forearm, before going down and licking up your juices on your thighs and a bit on your clit.

“H-hey,” you whimpered, nudging his forehead as he started to eat you out again, “You’re getting distracted…”

Toji blinked a few times before sitting up and looking down at your shaking body, “Shame this couch is white…” He shrugged, reaching one of his hands out to grab your shoulder. Both hands grabbed your shoulders and gently turned you around so you were lying on your stomach, with a pillow added to your front to make sure you were comfortable.

You heard a belt unbuckle then some shifting as he undid his pants and then underwear. Toji knew you enough to know you were on birth control, so condoms weren’t a concern of his. You both had a breeding kink, who doesn’t? He loved the feeling of filling you up with his cum until he was completely dry, and it wouldn’t take him very long to finish at this rate.

“I’m gonna go in,” he whispered, patting your hip.

Then before you could speak, but let’s be honest you were completely gone by this point, you felt a swollen tip press against your folds. You didn’t even get a moan in before you heard a faint… whimper from Toji. He cleared his throat and thrust in fully, gasping and leaning forward against your body involuntarily.

“I… haven’t fucked anyone in six ye…years,” he gasped again. Any other movement and he’d cum instantly. So much for hot rough sex. But still, he was determined to fuck you until you came again.

“Me… either…” You murmured into the couch, letting your eyes close against the wet cushion. A wet cushion you would be dealing with tomorrow.

“God. I missed you. I missed you so much,” Toji repeated a few more times, straightening his posture and fastening both hands to your hips. He pulled back and slowly began to thrust. Not for your sake but for the fact he wanted to elongate this feeling as much as possible.

His thrusts got a bit faster and his grip tighter, “...I’m… mm gonna fill y-you with my seed. I-I want anothe…mm fuc-fuck another b…hah…. Baby.” That was all you needed to hear.

A family, you’d be starting another family together. Too bad you were on birth control. But for now, you could pretend this would be the start of your new family. It turned you on as much as it made you happy. The man you loved, loved, and wanted a family with you. God, that was nice. And what was even nicer was the fact he was beginning to rail you.

Six years was six years too long. You ached for him to fill you up with fat, hot spurts of his white cum. You wanted him to stuff you to the point where you leaked and cried for it to end. You needed him to impregnate you so you both would be together for the rest of your lives.

You needed Toji to be yours now.

Toji was getting close, it was obvious by the way he thrust and the way he cursed. It was sloppier than his typical sloppy strokes and his voice got a bit higher than normal. That’s when you knew he was overstimulated and about to burst at any given moment. You wanted to speak and scream for him to fill you up, but the only thing you could do was mindlessly beg into the air. Neither of you seemed to hear or notice each other's words as he… came.

You never heard Mr. Zenin full-on whimper until that day. It was clear it came out accidentally from how his hips jutted forward and he pulled you instantly to him. He whimpered out a loud “I love you” and whined as his cum shot out. It filled you up more than you remembered he used to. His whimpers weren’t very high-pitched but they were pathetic. It was the cries from a man who hadn’t fucked in almost six years, and the cries of a man who missed your pussy so much.

If you ever get the chance to make a buff, deep-voiced, grown man whimper, I highly encourage it.

Toji slid out of your cunt and flopped back onto the couch, leaving you for a moment to lie with your ass in the air. You were so tired you didn’t even notice when he grabbed you from behind and pulled you to his chest. His warm arms wrapped protectively around you and for once you felt as though everything had gone back to normal.

Toji Zenin would be Toji Fushiguro again.

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lagomoz · 11 months ago

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Proseka headcanons

-as rui’s childhood friend, nene has extensive fire safety knowledge

-shizuku is adopted, hence why she looks so different from shiho. she was adopted shortly before the moon rabbit event and it contributed to her clinginess

-shiho forgets this fact sometimes. she’ll casually mention something like shizuku got all mom’s good genes so unfair and ichika has to be. um. shiho

-kanade is mildly nearsighted/myopic but spends so much time at her computer she hasn’t noticed

-emu is buff. she climbs multiple stories without breaking a sweat and is canonically part of the swimming, handball and rhythmic gymnastic clubs, you can’t tell me she doesn’t have some muscle

-saki helps out as a human notepad for tsukasa, reminding of him things he would otherwise forget within 5 minutes

-the vocaloids also help. at first it was unnerving to have hatsune miku be an extension of his psyche that knows his darkest secret (stole saki’s candy when he was 6) but now his phone has a more reliable catgirl themed reminder system

-you know that classic nightmare of leaving the house without pants? tsukasa has legitimately done that as a kid. he forgor. (saki will never let him live it down)

-in the kamiyama student council/hall monitor room, an has put up at sign saying “_ days since last kamishiro incident”

-the shinonome siblings both figured out the other one was gay before they figured it out about themselves

-airi’s great at trivia from her time as a variety show star. she still can’t beat minori at idol trivia, though

-ena keeps a diary with fort knox level security. try to read it and you’ll lose a finger

-saki learned to crochet from the old ladies in the hospital

-shiho’s most treasured phenny is a somewhat lumpy crocheted phenny holding a very lumpy crocheted bass guitar

-tsukasa snores. he falls asleep in 10 seconds and sounds like a dying lawnmower

-mizuki has learned a small bit of french from their sister and uses it exclusively to teach rui and an how to swear in french

-emu still celebrates her grandfather’s birthday, even if he’s not there to celebrate with her

-ena is allergic to dogs, the middle point to airi’s cat allergy and akito’s dog phobia

-rui has various small scars from his experiments over the years, but nobody ever believes the real causes (rocket launcher, robot bite, exploding balloon animal, etc.) so he just makes up a new cause every time someone asks

-mmj! has had repeated incidents of minori and airi’s little siblings walking into frame when streaming at their houses. shiho understands the concept of a livestream but has still been caught failing at creeping past like that one new broadcast of the guy crawling along the floor

-kanade has pots & eds, this one I have a reason for look at her symptoms. chronic exhaustion, heat and cold intolerance, comorbid sleep issues and depression, dizziness when standing up, fainting after standing up, very pale skin, family history of medical issues, pain at normal physical activities, exercise intolerance, vertigo at mild exertion, she just fucking dies during the entire baseball event, I could go on. she canonically gets pain in her hands from opening a jar girl that is not just being out of shape that is physical disability. this one I will go conspiracy board on listen to me I’m right

-kohane ate bugs as a kid. an is horrified, toya is confused, akito is impressed

-ena and airi got in trouble in middle school because they’d keep starting fist fights in defense of the others honor. if they saw the other in a fight they’d jump in guns blazing no hesitation no questions ask ready to throw the fuck down

-vbs!rin and len were given a skateboard by an and then promptly had the skateboard confiscated by meiko for property destruction

-haruka is horrible with slang. she asks the stream chat what poggers means and immediately uses it completely wrong, killing all viewers on impact

-minori is torn between thinking it’s cute and wanting to die

-toya has been banned from arcades before because he made them lose too much money/they suspected he was cheating

-ena brought kanade over for girls night and nearly scared akito half to death because he went down to get a late night snack and there was some Ghastly Creature looming in his kitchen

-kohane's parents stick out like a sore thumb when going to her live shows. it mortifies her that everyone on vivid street can recognize them as the only milquetoast middle aged couple dressed in normal clothes loudly going YOU'RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE that don't know the first thing about music

-minori knows basic programming. she mostly uses it for forums, blogs, html, other web design things usually related to idols as a hobby, but she's become the groups designated anti-shizuku tech support

-mafuyu has always been able to see ghosts but after adults figured she was just playing pretend as a kid so she shrugged and figured it was normal and not worth bringing up again

-honami has one of those massive extended families and somehow keeps track of them all. at any given time cousin #57 can crawl out of the woodwork and she remembers their new job, favorite food, past three romantic relationships and list of allergic reactions

-mizuki does doll customizing as a hobby. they prefer making human sized clothes, but it's fun to make them miniature too. they've introduced shizuku to it and she loves it, but doesn't have the heart to do anything that would hurt the doll (sawing limbs off, dunking them in boiling water, shoving wires in them, etc.)

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user211201 · 6 months ago

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Totally Normal

--- Originally posted on 2023-12-08 by dumb-and-jocked. ---

“Welcome back to Totally Normal, the online show where we narrow down the one thing that makes us all meet that standard!”

The host then hit a button on his laptop, releasing an audio for an uproarious round of applause. With his entire audience streaming in live, he had to make due with tracks. He didn’t mind it though; he could always predict what his viewers were thinking. It was like they shared the same mind.

“My name’s DJ, and before you ask, yes I have a side gig in music.” A laugh track obnoxiously inserted itself. “I don’t dabble in the typical jazz; I remix these men back to the tunes they oughta be singing.”

Another fake round of applause. The host smirked before continuing forward with the rules.

“The point of the game is simple: Figure out that one thing that makes someone totally normal. Through a series of questions, I’m going to chisel away at our contestants until we get to the base. For every wrong answer, a vibration will be sent out to their device until they head back on the right track. We want to find out that one thing that solidifies them as an average joe, but we don't exactly know what that thing is."

The host then took a scripted pause. "Well, *I *know what that thing is.”

Another laugh track entered before the host silenced his imaginary audience. “So, let’s get down to it. We have our men here, but ARE THEY NORMAL?”

The last three words were all enunciated with the typical gameshow pazazz. The host even had an accompanying audio that made it seem like there was an audience chanting it with him.

On cue, the livestream booted up a panel of the three contestants. The first was a shy young man, who by his age looked to be in college but by his height possibly younger. The second was the typical corporate homosexual, the breed who was already happily married and wore tight, designer clothing. And last but not least, the third looked just a little older than the first with an office that displayed the inner workings of a minor start-up.

“Help me welcome our first contestant, coming from the cool waves of Cali, here comes Cody!”

Corey opened his mouth to kindly correct the host, but was immediately silenced by the massive track of applause. A small and nervous 20-year-old, Corey was an academically-fine student at a state school. He worked as an IT intern, helping others work through their issues in a manner where he didn’t have to fully engage. Yet he knew he would probably have to work through this introvert problem if he ever truly wanted to make a loyal boyfriend from the crop of surfers across the street.

“Up next is our cowboy-tootin’, bullet-firin’ family man, Norman!”

Nolan made a face of disgust, but he too didn’t stand a chance against the fake cheers. He’d settled down with his husband just about 10 years ago in the suburbs. Working for a Fortune 500 company, he had everything a man of his caliber could want. Great company, great style, great pets instead of real children. Nolan loved his little metropolitan life.

“And finally, the privileged heir to the corporate throne, it’s Asher!”

Aaron rolled his eyes as the artificial eruption burst through his speakers. He assumed that this narcissistic jock host had gotten all of the contestants names wrong. Aaron had built his own business up from the ground, an independent hard-worker with no one tying him down. It wasn’t that Aaron didn’t want a boyfriend, he just needed to focus on himself. That’s why he was keeping it casual, hooking up with boys a little younger and less responsible. He absentmindedly pawed at his crotch a little as the douchebag DJ started the game.

“Now,” the host cracked his knuckles dramatically. “Let’s start off with some easy questions, just to make sure those devices are working after all. Cody, you’re looking comfortable out on that beach!”

Corey looked around the library he was sitting in confusedly, neither comfortable nor on a beach.

“I think you’re mistaking me for the surfers across the street,” Corey tried to joke, but his feeble demeanor spoiled the comeback.

“Men…you all ought to be where all the other guys of your kind are at.”

All three of them put on bewildered faces.

“Cody, what’s holding you back from embracing that Cali life?” the host asked.

“I��I mean there’s the obvious fact that they aren’t keen on ga-”

BZZT

“Ah!” Corey ripped his hand away, the "vibration" more of a literal sting.

“Cody, what’s holding you back?” the host asked again.

“Dude,” Corey uncharacteristically responded. “I don’t know if they will accept me, man.”

“Bro, what’s there NOT to accept?” the host chuckled. “You fit right in!”

Corey looked over his short frame, his pale skin, his shrimpy figure. He appeared better fit for the library than the bea-

BZZT

“You’re right DJ! I'm a gnarly guy like them brahs! They’ll totally accept me!”

Corey looked over his tall frame, his tanned skin, his toned figure. He appeared better fit for the beach than the library–that’s why he was on the beach after all!

“Alright alright,” the host nodded with approval. “Now Norman, let’s talk about your life in the countryside.”

‪‘Country side’?” Nolan interjected. “Do you consider Houston-”

BZZT

Nolan flung his hand back, “HOWARDWICK the countryside? You bet! Population 402, the two being me and my husband.”

“And what massive land you got behind you, I’m assuming you and your male fling built that together.”

“My what?” Nolan peered behind him, noticing his garden he’d built with his hus-

BZZT

-the ranch he’d built with his hustle. Well, not technically–this land had been managed through the traditional good ole ways of his parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. He’d just been fixing it up here and there.

Nolan stretched his thickening fingers, hoping to desensitize them from the pain. “W…What in tarnation is goin' on ‘ere?”

The host continued on, mocking the Southern accent he’d implanted onto the second contestant. “A place fittin' for a cowpoke like y’all’s self! Ain’t no city folk allowed; you don’t want nothin’ queer intrudin' your property, right?”

Queer?!” Nolan spat back. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with bein’-“

BZZT

“Darn tootin’ straight! Ain’t nothin’ strange gonna be happenin’ on this ‘ere land.”

With the second contestant’s location rightfully reoriented, the host moved onto the third.

“And onto our Ivy League, let’s discuss ascension…I mean, ‘climbing the corporate ladder’.”

Aaron shot the host a dirty look through the screen. “You don’t think I worked hard to earn this position?”

“Well, you certainly didn’t do it all yourself.”

Aaron held his breath. He was a decently attractive man with his slim figure and responsible will, and even his anger made him appear wiser than his years. But Aaron's best feature was his independence, and he wasn’t going to let anyone taint his name over that.

“What, do you think my current boyfri-”

BZZT

“-my dating his-”

BZZT

“-my friends with benefits were involved?”

Aaron’s fingers tingled with energy. His body tingled with fury.

“Well,” the host snickered. “If by benefits, you mean…”

“What’s all this!” Aaron flipped. “This is simply…p…preposterous!”

“What are you talking about?” the host egged on. “It's simply normal for a man with your caliber to have such an ‘inheritance’.”

The other two contestants watched on with intrigue.

“I…I may have a b…benefactor,” Aaron suddenly revealed, as if something had just been placed upon his chest. But he was still independent, right? “But that has nothing to do with it!”

“Benefactor? Do you mean your DADDY?”

The fake audience suddenly burst into a chorus of shocked “Ooooohhhh”s. Aaron’s usual calm nature was flatlining, being replaced by a more quickly-agitated behavior.

“We may be really closely acquainted!” Aaron backpedaled. “But it’s nothing of that kind of sort!”

The other two contestants smirked as the growingly-pompous bastard was taken down a peg.

“Sounds pretty queer to me, man,” Corey interjected confidently, scratching at his defining abs.

“Yeah, Ah reckon that fellas a little less normal than us folks,” Nolan added, adjusting the large hat that had secured itself upon his head.

“SHUT UP SWINE!” Aaron spat, his face gaining back a little of his baby fat as he absorbed more child-like aggression. “I'm perfectly normal!”

The two men laughed alongside an obnoxious laughter track.

“He’s right folks, we men are on the right side of history.” The host knew he needed to move on, the show only had so much time of course, but he was having fun. “Surely that father-figure is just some kind of…relative?”

“Just a relative, brah?” Corey asked as his trim cut bloomed out into luscious blond waves.

“Seems closer than that, partner.” Nolan quipped as a graying stubble crawled upon his widening jaw.

“A….A relative?” Aaron stammered, a higher youthful pitch lightening his tenor as this benefactor became clearer in his head. “He’s…he’s someone who I f-“

BZZT

“Father! He’s my father: Asher Osvald the Third!” Aaron screamed, his blond locks gelling up into a refined style that didn’t match his own personality. “And you all better remember it when you see our company in the headlines!”

Both Corey and Nolan took their respectful back-offs, but the host could only smirk with pride. After a moment of self-congratulation, he noticed some slight hesitation from the first candidate.

“Dude…” Corey started. “Can’t you just see he’s messin’ with us, man? Don’t you guys feel kinda strange-“

“Aren’t you supposed to chill, dude?” The host immediately cut him off.

Corey’s mouth went flat, his chin taking the opportunity to curve out a little further. “How can I chill with-“

BZZT

“Without the support from my brosettes across the screen, duuuuude!”

The host watched on with glee as the female portion of the livestream burst into a flurry. Lots of hearts and kisses and even some eggplant emojis were flooding the chat. And the comments were getting suggestive too. One chick wanted to know why he was wearing a dorky button-up, and she was soon exposed to his lean bod and treasure trail. Another suggested he should flex for the camera, and Corey was happy to oblige, each of his muscles pumping larger as he did so.

“Now, Cody,” the host coyly asked. “I’m sure the fans would like to know what you do for work.”

“I uh…I work with coding.”

“You are studying IT?” the host replied, incredulous. “Sounds complicated man.”

Corey beamed at the compliment, an excited fever entering his voice. “Yeah, but I sort of have a gift for-“

BZZT

“IT...like as in ‘it’ man...not ‘eye-tee’ or whatever.”

“But it has something to do with a code, right?”

“Well…yeah man…” Corey’s lifeless vocal fry responded. “But it's not that nerdy crap…something more…uhhh…”

The host graciously provided the answer, “Manly?”

“Yeah man….’it’ is the uh…bro-code brah.” Corey fiddled with the cross necklace that had materialized around his neck, trying to structure his thoughts. Corey felt like his head was spinning in a light vertigo, but not out of stress. Rather, a pleasurable confusion. Cali dudes don’t think that much right? They just go with the flow, so why shouldn’t he man? Wasn’t that what was normal?

While Corey processed his internal dilemma, the host reconnected with the second contestant, noticing he too was becoming a little self-aware.

“Hey Norman, you’re really rocking that fit.”

Nolan was honestly surprised at the comment. He knew he looked good in his tight, patterned three-piece, but he didn’t think the ultra-straight host would notice that too.

“Those shoes must be great for the ranch.”

Nolan laughed. “These ole’ things? They’re Prada from last season-“

BZZT

“Uhh…Ah mean these boots are from that one brand-”

BZZT

“Ah’ve had these kickers for years, fella!”

The host observed quietly as the rest of the second contestant’s clothes altered. The suit jacket and vest disappeared completely. The pants grew out into a straight pair of jeans that had been worn continuously for many seasons. The shirt rolled it sleeves and loosened some buttons, darkening to a dusty black that was meant for hauling hay rather than implying gay. But as the outfit masculinized, there was one item that stubbornly fought back, unlike the man who wore it.

“And that belt, how long have you had that?”

Nolan evaluated the expensive snake leather. “Oh yeah, this ‘ere was a gift-“

BZZT

“What in TARNATION was that for?!” Nolan yelled, the vibration noticeably more painful than the previous blasts. The material of his belt quickly grew cheaper, a massive longhorn buckle blooming forth above his blooming pouch.

“S…Sorry y’all,” Nolan collected himself. “Ah don’t know what’s gotten ovah me, or why Ah’m speakin’ so-“

“Enough apologies,” the host gagged. “You are a man, are you not?”

“Yessiree, but that doesn’t mean we men ain’t got to be sens-”

BZZT

“Ah reckon yer right there, partner!” Nolan puffed out his chest, carrying his emerging muscle gut with him. “We men oughta be tough! The MAN of the household.”

The host snickered, his eyes meandering around the second contestant’s body as additional muscle and bulk was piled onto his frame. “And men like you ought to have a body like that, don’t they?”

The cowboy huffed, his torso heavy with Southern pride. Nolan had worked his muscular frame up over all these long years, from sunrise to sundown. At 6’4, his big hearty body was always devouring meat to stretch out everything from his big strong biceps to his huge Size 15 clompers!

With the first and second contestants almost there, it was time for the host to catch his third man up to speed. He had already advanced mighty far, his skin having cleared up a bit and a few arrogant gold trophies having appeared in the office background, but the host had some additional notches yet to secure before the final round.

“Now Asher, let’s get real here.” The host put on his classic douchebag smile for the audience. “Any ladies tickling that fancy lately?”

“What?” Aaron scoffed. “Are you dense? I'm into g-”

BZZT

“Girls…no…wait what?” Aaron felt strange. Why did the host ask if he liked…girls? And why was the thought of girls suddenly something he…liked?

“Listen ere’, partner,” Nolan suddenly interjected. “Yer talkin’ 'bout women like they’re nothin’!”

The host, displeased, fought back. “Aren’t you married to one, partner?”

Nolan couldn’t believe the disrespect. “Me? Married to a woman? Yeah right-”

BZZT

“-Ah am! Ah’ve been married to my lovely wife for darn straight twenty years! Ain’t nothing QUEER happenin' on this ‘ere normal ranch. I got youngins to raise after all!”

As Nolan became bombarded by memories of his new flock of children, the satisfied host switched back to his third contestant.

“Look, I think we should respect women.” Aaron tried his best to sound mature, now finding it extremely difficult to maintain. “In fact, I think we should respect all others appropriately-“

BZZT

“And by appropriately, I am referring to overlooking these swines of colleagues who cannot afford a top notch education adjacent to my own.”

The host queued up a laugh track for his next one-liner. “They weren’t kidding when they said someone with your prestige had everything handed down to you, including bad manners.”

Aaron felt his anger rising once again, it easily filling his shortening body as he squared out to an average 5’9.

“Well excuseeee me! I am my own person with-“

BZZT

“My father is a reputable man who would wish to-”

BZZT

“DADDY!”

Aaron stomped his foot, bewildered at this idiocracy. Why was he continuously interrupted? Why was he not given the required recognition? He was captain of the country club’s golf team, rowing team, youth league, and the youngest member on the executive board for Christ’s sake! He studied at an Ivy League! He was everything!

As Aaron tried to understand why none of these other men appreciated the absolute honors of his merit–which he refused to ever admit weren’t even his own–a small alarm went off from the host’s computer.

“Like what was that, mannnn?” Corey’s face furrowed into an all-too-natural look of dumbfoundment.

“Yeah,” Nolan reared. “What's y'all gonna do next?”

“I demand to know it this instant!” The host was surprised at the third contestant jumping in, but he assumed it was just his way of trying to maintain his (nonexisting) position on top. “Or else I’ll tell my father about this-!”

An insane uproar of artificial laughter echoed throughout their ears, startling and silencing them.

“Alright folks, you know what that sound means!” the host grinned. “It’s almost time to wrap up our show, and because our contestants still haven’t figured out what makes them 'Totally Normal', we’re going to have to speed things up!”

“But can’t there only be one winner?” Aaron whined.

“Technically, no,” the host responded honestly. “All of you can be winners if you find out what makes you totally normal.”

For the first time since the game had started, all three of the contestants fell silent.

“I mean, let’s look at our surfer stud Cody,” the host started. “You are almost there, but you gotta loosen that one thing that’s still pent-up, man.”

“Brah…” Corey complained. “What else is there?”

As if by some subconscious command from the host, Corey began dumbly palming himself, a light drool dripping from the edge of his lips. The constant cycle of tits and feminine bits in his mind bombarding all over thoughts.

“A totally gnarly surfer focuses on working out, banging chicks, and chillin’ dude.”

Corey guffawed with a stupid relaxed expression, casually groping as the host moved on.

“And Norman, you’ve worked hard for your position in life, haven’t you?”

The Texan father nodded in cold agreement.

“So what would pride a totally traditional cowboy more than his ranch, his woman, and his legacy?”

Nolan groaned as he instantly unbuckled the massive lock hiding his mighty steed. Huffing loudly, the Southern Baptist’s lil’ pony was wrangled into a full-fledged stallion, the kind that was built to produce offspring. And the kind that got worked up over anything that could threaten the generational uniformity his family, religion, and nation he swore to protect.

“And you, Asher,” the host swiped over to the final contestant. “What’s stopping you from becoming the total Harvard bastard?”

Asher’s face went red and his cock went hard.

“I’m talking complete corruption, pure privilege, Daddy’s little-”

The host was suddenly cut off by a loud holler, the exclaim like the crashing waves of the ocean. Immediately, the comment section blew up as the host, players, and audience watched the surfer jock release a blast of his sea salt spray.

But before the host could congratulate the first winner, the southern father turned around the corner. With one hand whipping his meat and the other held tightly onto his hat, it was only mere moments until the inevitable:

“YEEHAW!”

Once again, the audience burst into merriment over the propagating blast. It was then that Aaron’s anger truly took the best of him. He couldn’t be beaten by two no-names! He was the top of his class, an heir to a Fortune 500 company, and a totally normal man for Christ’s sake! Gripping his pecker and shining it furiously, Aaron accepted his heterosexual rage and vowed that he would win and please his…please his…!

“F…FAAAAATHERR!”

A loud, pretentious yell echoed out of the Harvard student, an endless splurge of funds dumping out of his mighty account. It was just one of the many things his heritage’s estate had granted him.

The host didn’t try to hide his devious sneer as the viewers erupted once more. He’d loved his job because everyone won every time. And now, seeing all the new stereotypical straights he’d created, the host couldn’t help but feel his own massive sausage chub. But he laughed the feeling off, knowing beating off over these other men wouldn’t have been “totally normal.”

“And it looks like with just a minute left on the clock, all three of our contestants will be going home as winners today!” The host then added his artificial rounds of applause. “So, did you three ever figure out what makes you ‘Totally Normal’?”

“Isn’t it obvious, brah?” Cody replied, the typical airhead more sure of himself now than when he had dropped out of high school. “It’s that we’re straight, mannnn…”

“He’s right, partner!” Norman added, his fatherly conviction always strong and steady. “Ain’t none of us are them faggots. If Ah do say so myself, we are all what the mighty Lord named men.”

“Well, if that is what common plebians such as yourself are called, then you shall address me as ‘I-V’,” Asher Osvald IV’s voice was doused in entitlement and a lack of understanding for anyone but himself. A pair of offscreen hands adjusted his tie just to prove his privilege. “After all, I do attend Harvard. I guess you could say I was destined for greatness since birth.”

“Yes, Asher, everyone here knows you are a prick.” The host immediately followed up his quip with a laugh track. “But that’s all we have for today’s show. Signing off, this is Host DJ!”

“Hang ten and surfs up, dudes!”

“The biggest rodeo’s the family and kids y’all!”

“I’m probably way richer than you vagrants, so don’t bother.”

“And don’t forget to ask yourself,” the host winked before adding in the final audio. “ARE YOU NORMAL?”

#gay to straight #dumber #bottomtotop #nerdtojock #political #lib to con #preppification #unintendedresults #Christian

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purpurussy · 6 months ago

Text

what is all of this like for post-hiatus phannies?

I've been trying to figure out how to phrase this for a minute. The most obvious comparison would be that it's like starting a TV show 10 seasons in, but that doesn't come remotely close to the amount of required reading necessary to understand even 5% of the references. This has not been a problem for me, as I love nothing more than a good all-consuming hyperfixation rabbit hole, but something I'm realizing is that you really just had to be there to fully Understand.

I got into d&p properly in December of 2023, when gamingmas appealed to my emotionally curious nature and then gave me some kind of irreversible brain damage which I'm still trying to process. Since then I've been consuming their back catalogue as though it's laced with cocaine, and obsessively lurking on phannie tumblr until I finally made this blog a few weeks ago.

I actually watched Dan's videos for a little while back in roughly 2013/2014, but something about his content back then just wasn't working for me like it does now (I have such a clear memory of watching Reasons Why Dan’s A Fail and thinking "aw man why does this cute little twink hate himself so much 😔" and then going back to watching Jenna Marbles lmao. Funnily enough it did make me change my negative self-talk a little bit). I was very much a brief casual viewer who went off them pretty much after watching a few videos, and after that I was sort of vaguely aware of them as the cultural icons of the 2010s that they were, but I wasn't keeping up with them at all.

I don't even remember BIG coming out, which is insane because I've always been extremely chronically online and it definitely broke containment as a cultural moment (although I think I was trying to minimize my social media use at that point in my life, so maybe that's why it went over my head). I feel like I must have heard something about it at the time, though, because I knew they were gay when I started watching them last year. What's really strange is that a lot of this stuff is kinda timeless to me. I don't remember it happening 5, 10 or 15 years ago - I just witnessed it very recently. For a lot of you guys, BIG happened 5 years ago, but I just watched it for the first time a few months ago. At the same time, in my mind they've just always been gay, since I wasn't in the trenches of the unhinged online culture surrounding them in the early/mid 2010s. It's so confusing to balance my weird temporal perception of these events with the impressions that I get from you guys. Oftentimes I have to judge roughly when something would have happened based on their appearances - it's not actually a *memory* for me, like it is for you. I absolutely love the dynamic and branding they have now, and the deep dives into their past are more of a curious exploration of how they got here, rather than actually nostalgic (or, I suppose, mildly traumatic) for me. It’s still very interesting and compelling to me, but because I love the current iteration of Dan and Phil, not because I’m emotionally invested in who they used to be.

Sometimes I’ll be aware that an event happened, but I won’t realize how monumental it was until I see people talking about it (I hate to say it but I genuinely don't fully understand why the BONCAs thing was so earth-shattering, but like I said, I've always lived in a post-BIG universe, and I think you just had to be there). There are also plenty of references to stuff that's just been lost to time, which I have to piece together with context clues, as well as the more unhinged demonic stuff that I just don't have any interest in exploring whatsoever (I think I might have watched the v-day video if I'd been there when it leaked and I was a stupid teenager, but at this point, I don't even feel any kind of morbid curiosity for it. I just feel really bad for them that it got leaked. Plus, unfortunately, I think I've learned all I need to know about it through internet osmosis here). I feel like a lot of these events have a real emotional meaning for you guys, when to me, they're just interesting/funny/insane anecdotes which give some context to everything. Some of the shit that you guys lived through back then is absolutely wild, and I love and appreciate all of you for meticulously archiving and documenting everything and for being so willing to answer the same questions over and over again! Otherwise I feel like I wouldn't be able to really be part of this community, and posting my silly little memes on this blog is so fucking fun. So thank you all for that.

It seems like this is one of the most ride-or-die fanbases I've ever seen. The fact that they could invent the concept of YouTubers doing world tours, successfully execute that multiple times, branch out into several other ventures, come out as gay not fully knowing how that would affect their careers, disappear for several years and then come back knowing that there would be a solid audience waiting for them even after their virality had died down, drop merch every 3 seconds - I don't know who else can really get away with that, for almost 15 years, in the extremely "live fast die young" culture of internet fame. And I think it's in no small part because you all have chronic "unconditionally supporting dan and phil" disease. (While we’re on the topic, I feel very lucky to have missed the hiatus era. There's kind of a compression in the timeline for me between the gaming channel going dark and Dan starting his WAD tour, where it's like that time just doesn't exist in the Dan and Phil cinematic universe for me. It took me a while to realize how insane it must have been when they came back in full force, I can't even imagine how that must have felt.)

Of course, there's a caveat in that I'm saying this only really knowing about the tip of the demon iceberg. I’m aware of people engaging in behaviours such as doxxing them, outing them and stalking their families, which is horrifying in and of itself, but I don’t know how long it went on for or how many people were involved. I think people are generally pretty well-behaved at this point, and most of the drama seems to be between different schools of thought within the fanbase itself. I assume a big part of the reason for that is people's varying degrees of involvement in (and remaining notion of guilt for) the boundary-crossing behaviour from the old days. Living with the spectre of this insanity is kind of strange - it makes me feel nervous sometimes that I’m gonna accidentally say something that hits a nerve, or cross a line I didn’t know existed, because there’s all this history that I don’t fully understand, beyond just the normal unwritten rules for interacting with fan spaces online.

The topic that got me writing this in the first place was the orange heart incident, and everyone’s subsequent meltdown. For me, the excitement in them soft/hard/semi launching is more about me just getting excited about any open, proud expression of queer joy - it heals something inside me every time I hear a man referring to his husband or a woman referring to her wife (excuse the gendered terms, ykwim. gay shit). It's just that sentiment, combined with the fact that I'm parasocially invested in them: I'd love to see that energy from my fave little guys who live inside my computer. I am basically rooting for them to become more comfortable with just talking about gay stuff more openly and candidly, and I guess that would require a bit of a hard launch, although I can understand that they don't want to potentially open the door to excessive questioning regarding their relationship. I feel like it ✨hits different✨ for people who watched them for years before they came out. Like, you guys are rooting for people who you watched in real time struggling with their identities and internalized homophobia for years and years, while to me, they’re just some guys who I’m a fan of. Sometimes I get caught up in the emotional frenzy of their hard-launch breadcrumbs even though I don’t feel quite as insane about it as you guys (I said in some tags a few days ago that it’s like the base instinct to turn around and start running if you see a crowd of people running towards you and screaming in terror, even if you have no idea what’s going on). Anyway, I would love to see them being more gooey with each other, and I am gobbling up the breadcrumbs they're feeding us atm, because I love seeing gay people expressing gay love with no shame 🧡

I think my perception of them as a couple, or of their sexualities independently, is just kind of an extension of everything Dan said in BIG. I really have no doubt that they're a couple, and I don't feel any kind of weird Catholic guilt in saying that, since I neither witnessed nor participated in the insanity back then. I interpreted (I'm paraphrasing) "obviously we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic, we're like, actual soulmates" followed by "as for the situation now? we're private people and we'd like to keep that part of our lives private" as him essentially saying that obviously they're a couple, but that their relationship is not part of the Dan And Phil™ Brand. The brand is 2 guys who have great chemistry doing comedy together (5 feet apart even though clearly they are gay and in love). And I think that's a completely healthy decision to make, even irrespective of their history. I think a hard launch would be subtle, and it wouldn’t realistically change the nature of their content that much.

With that being said, to me, it seems slightly wild for people to adamantly insist they're not a couple, or that it’s “invasive” to assume that they are one (not that that really applies to anyone here, but elsewhere on the internet). If they were a straight man and a straight woman, and there wasn't a huge chunk of people on the internet struggling with this oddly conditioned aversion to seeing them as a couple, then nobody on earth would be insisting that it's weird to assume they're together. Dan confirmed that they became romantically involved around the time they met, and building a forever home with your ex is crazy, that's all there is to it.

This is kind of a messy stream of thoughts (it ended up sort of becoming 2 essays for the price of 1) and I don't really know where I was going with it. In conclusion I think that day 1 phannies are braver than any US marine and you have all suffered more than Jesus on the cross, and I'm extremely thankful that I get to reap the rewards of your labour now without having lived through the dark ages myself. I also think some of you are holding onto a bit of unnecessary guilt for dumb shit you said on the internet when you were a kid. And Dan and Phil are gay and I love them and I reeeeaaaallllyyy want them to do a podcast so bad because this is all conjecture and I would parasocially love to hear their actual thoughts on it

#phan #dan and phil #mine #long post #i fucking love the sound of my own voice apparently. like why the fuck is this 2000 words #i originally included even more waffling about my thoughts on wedding hill and why dan didnt come out earlier #but this is already wayyy too long as it is so i'll save that for another time #also. watch them immediately say/do something which changes my mind on all of this dsfgjkll #ALSO also i need to stop overusing parentheses. the thing about having adhd is that every thought comes with several extra bonus thoughts #posted this by accident from my drafts but fuck it. self indulgent essay be upon ye #essay

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zabala0z · 3 months ago

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Welcome back to “new TMA fan listens to season 2!” and im ur host. So far I listened to 3 episodes from season 2 but I gleaned a lot of connections from it. Oh what is it unknown viewer? Golly gosh I’m so glad you asked. <3

MAG 41: Too deep

Jon’s such a dumbass like bro get the hell out of those tunnels. I didn’t make many connections since he was just yapping the whole time but it’s interesting there was like a wine bottle from 2003 down there??? Who is drinking down there??? My notes say that the tunnels could’ve been connected to the tunnels from MAG 35, the one from Harold Silvanas statement. Like literally connected. Could be a stretch but hey, they’re both tunnels.

Also he found those circle of worms. No theory but could be a portal or some shit

MAG 42:

This one was kinda creepy to me just cause of the guy at the end being like “encore?” So casually like bro there are dead bodies. Anyways something stuck out to me; that crystal shop.

Jennifer mentions being near a shop called “crystals. Books. Tarot” and a guy, tall, black and face of deep worry staring at her and asking what she was listening to. Then mumbling about protecting her hearing. This reminded me of MAG 32, when Jane mentioned working in a crystal shop (“Good Energies spiritual supplies shop) and how her coworker, Oliver, would stare at her with sadness and a bit of fear in the end.

Both seemed to know something. While Oliver wasn’t given a physical description, my theory is that they’re both the same people and he….knows crap or something. My only connections in the vague idea of knowing something and working in spiritual shops but who knows.

Finally. MAG 43:

Oh god. First, I love Basira. She needs to be paid more. Next, we finally have a name for the unnamed burn victim from First Aid (MAG 12)! Diego Molina. Apparently an assistant curator. He was yelling the same stuff from first aid about “Asag” yada yada but he had that red leather bound book that was mentioned in MAG 12. The one Gerard asked if the paramedics brought. He was killed by Gerard that episode but the event from MAG 43 happened half a year earlier. Nice to know a name.

(EDIT AUG 2, 8:11 PM: forgot to mention but I’m assuming Gerard and Diego know each other since Gerard seemed to be chasing after this book in First Aid and Diego had it. Both were found in MAG 12 together and Gerard later killed him so I wonder what’s their beef? Their deal?)

Also, Alice Tonner, or Daisy, mentioned spider husks. Possibly a reference to Arachnophobia (MAG 16)? Or any other statement with spiders since they pop up a lot in the magnus archives. She also mentioned vampires which could be related to Vampire Killer (MAG 10). Maybe she had to investigate one of Trevor’s kills or even knew a vampire, who knows.

Anyways. Jon is apparently going to get those tapes. I mean go you. Be careful

So that’s the end of my post! I took a couple day break to recover from the trauma of the last couple episodes of season 1. Everytime I post like these types of things, I always feel like that one meme

Like that’s me. I have a 15 page document on the magnus archives opened in front of me. Guys that’s me.

#the magnus archives #tma #tma podcast #literally dying #SASHA #still miss her #where’s that replacement #im going to drop kick it #zabala0z thoughts

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haru-dipthong · 1 year ago

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Why are anime translations so bad?

Disclaimer: I have never done any professional translation, and I don’t watch dubbed/subbed anime very often. But recently I watched a few episodes of subbed Demon Slayer at a friend’s place, and I noticed how bad some of the translations were. It reminded me of my childhood, watching subbed Ghibli movies and thinking “that english sounds weird”. As a kid I thought it was an unavoidable part of translation, but now that I can speak Japanese, I realise that we can do so much better with translations!

This post is my attempt to identify what a “bad” translation is, and hazard some guesses at what mistakes translators make that lead to these bad translations.

Examples are from Ranking of Kings, episodes 10 and 11. Screenshots taken from Crunchyroll.

What do I mean by bad?

Reason 1: They don’t sound like natural English.

If a character in an english cartoon said some of the stuff that characters in anime say in translations, it would sound very unnatural. Anime-translation english is unnatural and awkward sounding.

ダイダ様、久しぶりに街に出てみますか？ Price Daida, it’s been a while, so why don’t we go down into town?

This example sounds awkward. What’s with the random “so” in the middle of the sentence? No one in English media talks like that. If you just remove the “so” and replace it with a full stop, we get a much more natural sounding sentence.

Price Daida, it’s been a while. Why don’t we go down into town?

Or even something like this:

Price Daida, why don’t we go into town? It’s been a while since you’ve been down there.

Reason 2: They don’t fit the character.

This screenshot shows the character Kage speaking (the black blob). He has a character trait of being kind of immature and almost never using polite Japanese, even to royalty, which is very disrespectful. The original translation makes him sound so formal! Kage is supposed to sound like a 15 year old who tries way too hard to be rough and intimidating. Can you imagine someone like that saying “You may say those things”?

いやいやいや、なんかいい感じなこと言ってるけど、違うからね！ No, no, no! You may say those feel-good things, but reality is different!

It doesn’t preserve his characterisation at all. Way too formal and not juvenile enough! A better translation would be:

No, no, no! Nice motivational speech, but they’re just words!

The devil’s advocate & descriptivism

Now, I’ll preface this by saying I am a hardcore descriptivist. I’m not saying that these translations are wrong, or that the resulting English is incorrect English. What I’m saying is that they do not achieve the goals of a good translation, those goals being preserving what is being said and how it’s being said.

It could be argued that by now, anime translations have become a new dialect of English. Anime fans have come to expect the awkward-sounding phrasing, and instead might see natural English as unexpected. This is a fine rebuttal of my first point (it sounds awkward) but not of my second point (speech-pattern-based characterisation is often lost). Even then, anime translations are not exclusively for established anime fans. First time viewers may be put off by the unnatural language choices and strange turns of phrase. “Anime is cringe” they might say, and they wouldn’t be wrong. A good translation should be understandable to the entire target audience, and first time or casual viewers certainly make up a large portion of that target audience.

Why do the translations end up so bad?

They err on the side of direct translation over meaning-based translation

Often, it seems like the main nouns and verbs in the sentence get translated verbatim, and the rest of the translation is forced to bend around those. In addition, they do not consider how a similar sentiment might be phrased in english. Even if it’s a japanese way of saying something, they preserve the individual words instead of changing the whole sentence. Let’s look at the Kage example from before:

いやいやいや、なんかいい感じなこと言ってるけど、違うからね！ No, no, no! You may say those feel-good things, but reality is different!

I’ve coloured the text so you can see which pieces got translated separately. In this example, basically every word is being translated separately. Now let’s look at my example:

いやいやいや、なんかいい感じなこと言ってるけど、違うからね！ No, no, no! Nice motivational speech, but they’re just words!

I’m translating the entire middle verb phrase as one atomic piece of meaning. It’s not individually important that, for example, the specific word 言ってる was used, so it’s not important that I translate it directly to the word “say”. What is important is that Kage is saying that Despa is saying some nice stuff, but it doesn’t change the facts. I have a feeling that the more you can group words together and translate them as a whole phrase, the more natural the translation ends up sounding (and the more characterisation you can preserve).

They use weird words, due to dictionary translation

Let’s look at another example:

兄上は弱者だと、どこか甘えていないか？ Aren’t they sort of spoiling Brother, just because he’s a weakling?

In this example, the word 弱者 is translated as “weakling”. “Weakling” is a pretty rare word to hear outside of anime. That’s probably the best direct translation if we’re looking at the word 弱者 out of context. However, words always appear in context. Both times the word 弱者 is used to refer to a person in this episode, it’s used to refer to disabled people (Bojji, who is deaf, and a citizen, who is both blind and deaf). The citizen is actually not physically weak, in fact he looks pretty chunky and strong, so 弱者 is not being used to refer to his physical strength, only his disability. The English word “weakling” strongly suggests physical weakness, so I don’t feel like it’s appropriate here. Instead, I feel like a more appropriate translation would be:

Do you think Brother gets special treatment, just because he’s so pathetic?

Daida is immature and heartless at this point in his character. He has contempt for both Bojji and the citizen, and sees them as weak, but he also feels pity for them. I think the word “pathetic” sums up his emotions for them much better than the word “weakling”, as well as not coming loaded with the incorrect “physical weakness” connotation.

As a side note, you may have noticed I translated the first part of the sentence differently too. That’s another example of how (in my opinion) grouping words together to translate a phrase as a whole results in a much more natural phrasing.

They try to preserve the original grammar

An important skill to have when translating is knowing which aspects of the phrase are important to preserve in translation, and which parts are not important. Word order and grammar are almost never important enough to preserve.

ダイダ様こそ、選ばれた人間。 Prince Daida, you are one who is chosen.

In this example, the past tense verb 「選ばれた/chosen」modifying the noun 「人間/person」 seems to have been determined to be important to preserve by the translator, which leads to the awkward phrasing “one who is chosen”. In reality, the minutia of the original grammar is not important to preserve - we can translate 選ばれた人間 as a set phrase rather than translating the words individually:

Prince Daida, you are one of the chosen few.

Again, we can see that the translation is improved by grouping words together and translating the phrase as a piece of atomic meaning!

Anime translation is a naturally restrictive medium

For dubs, the characters’ mouth movements need to match up. This really narrows down the possibilities of translation options. It means that sub-optimal word choices may be used, and the rhythm of speech may be forced into an odd speed in places.

For subs, although the syllables and mouth movements don’t need to match up as perfectly as they do in dubs, the subtitles still end up needing to be applied over the same moments of speech. However, often, if the given situation in the anime was to be completely reframed in English, maybe no one would have said anything at that moment. There are times when someone would say something in Japanese that you would expect someone to not say anything in english.

デスパー：弟子の悪口は許しますけど、私の悪口は許しませんよ！！カゲ：逆でしょ！！！！ Despa: You can insult my apprentice, but I won’t let you insult me! Kage: You’ve got it backwards!

In Japanese comedy, the role of ツッコミ (best translation is “the straight man”) is ubiquitous and plays the part of a laugh track - telling audiences when to laugh. In this case, Kage is playing the part of ツッコミ by pointing out that what Despa has said is the opposite of what you’d expect him to say. In this example, I feel like if this was an English cartoon, Kage wouldn’t have said anything. English speaking comedies generally expect/trust audiences to get the jokes without them being explicitly pointed out. I feel like this shows how attempting to fit subtitles to every spoken phrase can lead to slightly unnatural turns of phrase, since the translator is attempting to fit some speech into a place where there wouldn’t have been any in the first place. In my opinion, the best “translation” for the above would have been to cut the 1 second clip where Kage butts in with his line altogether.

———

Again, I should reiterate that I’m not a translator. I’m very keen to hear counter-arguments if you disagree with what I’ve said! Translations have got me really interested recently and I’m hungry for more opinions.

#langblr #japanese language #japanese #japanese grammar #learning japanese #linguistics #translation #language acquisition #language learning #language #anime #ranking of kings #official blog post

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a0random0gal · 1 year ago

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Let's talk about hotd's deleted scenes

Soo hotd has a lot of interesting scenes that were deleted. Some people love them, others believe that removing them was for the best.

Today I'll check em out and tell you how I feel about them, and how I think they could have benefited the show if kept in.

1. The infamous Daemon hug scene

Uhh I have.. feelings towards this.

And I already hear you go:

"How could you not like this, it's so wholesome!" Yeah I know I know, trust me, I think this is adorable, just a weird scene.

From what we know this shot was completely improvised by Matt and it shows.

Cause almost all of his character's nicer scenes that make people think "maybe he isn't that bad" were ideas Matt came up with. We can see throughout the show how the poor guy does his best to not make Daemon look like a psycho and it's nice on paper, but the contrast between his improvised scenes and the scripted ones is jarring.

I mean we go from him violently beating his first wife to death with a rock, to him tenderly breaking the news of Luke's death to Nyra or picking up Vizzy's crown and gently crowning him.

It does work more with his book characterization though so that's cool.

It's cute, it makes casual viewers go awww, but it's a bit inconsistent in the grand scheme of things.

I guess some people will interpret it as the softer spot Daemon has for the people he truly cares about, but knowing how he also treats them in other scenes...

Cough cough Rhaenyra choke scene cough cough.

I'm just left a bit confused.

Overall, I like it, but there's better.

7-/10

2. Criston taking his Kingsguard vows.

God I wanted this to make the cut soo bad.

It's just that in the past I've already talked about how dirty Criston is done in the fandom, and I truly believe he deserves more screentime, he's a very interesting character.

So getting a scene like this would have been awesome, and by showcasing the pride and happiness Criston felt at achieving his dream thanks to Rhae, her eventual treatment of him would have hurt even worse.

Personally I'm not sure if it could have swung more people to feel for him and criticize Nyra, but it would have generally enriched his character and relationship with the princess and I would have looved it.

Only point against it is that it's probably one of the least important deleted scenes.

It sucks to say it, but I didn't really feel it's absence, you know?

If I had to cut a scene, I too would have chosen this one, but with a veery heavy heart.

Really solid idea though.

8+/10

3. The Rhaenicent fight at the end of episode 2

Finally, we're moving onto Alicent related scenes.

And this... is my villain origin story.

I can't believe it was cut, wtf!

I get that maybe they wanted to stay loyal to the rule "show don't tell" cause it was already obvious that Rhae was mad at Alicent when she ran out of council meeting room after the announcement of her father's betrothal, but like... The possible angst!

Alicent crying, trying to explain the situation and appealing to their friendship to try and get Nyra to calm down while she screams at her and calls her names for not revealing the truth sooner, god this would have destroyed me even further!

The missed potential drives me insane, I would literally pay money to see how this scene was supposed to play out.

10/10

This awesome interaction would have also perfectly set up the hostility and tention that would characterize the next deleted gem...

4. Rhaenicent preparing for Ali's wedding

Godd, this is another one of those scenes that, in my humble opinion, should have stayed in the show.

Not only because of the possibility of more Rhaenicent angst to break my heart,(Yeess) but also because this is one of those scenes whose absence is really felt in the story for me.

We go from Ali and Viserys's betrothal to them being already married with a toddler and another baby on the way and even though I'm aware that hotd has a lot of time jumps, I do feel like we should at least have seen the wedding celebration before moving onto the future.

This event being glossed over really left a bad taste in my mouth.

9,5/10

I can just imagine the sad and awkward silence during that scene, poor girls.

5. Viserys testing Daemon regarding Aegon's prophecy

Soo, time to talk about the most incompetent targ king and his very problematic bro.

This scene had a loot of potential.

Apparently it was supposed to be about Viserys toying with the idea of revealing the Conquerer's prophecy to Daemon, but ultimately choosing not to after his brother showed little to no interest in what he was saying.

It would have been great to set up Daemyra's fight in the last episode

(honestly it would have been quite funny to see Daemon have a meltdown after hearing of the prophecy that he thinks his brother didn't trust him enough to tell him of, when he literally had the chance of knowing about it but threw it away lol)

And it also would have showcased how unfit Daemon is to rule, and given Viserys yet another reason to pick Rhaenyra as his heir over him.

9-/10

In conclusion:

Yes I know there are a lot more deleted scenes to discuss, but I really don't want this post to get too long, so I'm going to end it here.

Personally, I think all of these deleted scenes were good, and there genuinely wasn't a single one I would have hated to see on screen.

But what were your favourites? Please tell me, especially if they weren't featured in this post, I'm super curious to find out about more cut scenes to learn what we all missed lmao.

#hotd #house of the dragon #alicent hightower #rhaenyra targaryen #viserys targaryen #daemon targaryen #ser criston cole #criston cole #pro criston cole #deleted scenes

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ecargmura · 6 months ago

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Tadaima, Okaeri Episode 4 Review - The Sparkling Star's Little Baby Sun

A new member joins the Fujiyoshi family! There are some people that are a bit upset that Masaki’s pregnant belly didn’t show, but that’s the case of some omegaverse stories; they skip the belly and go straight into the post-birthing time skip. Why is that? Risks, perhaps.

A little fun fact about Hikari in this episode. Did you notice how his face looks chubby and round in the first half? Now take a look at him in the second half, his face is less chubby and round, but it’s still babyish. Hikari was two years old in the first half of the episode but after the time skip, he’s three now. How do I know? The official website lists Hinata’s birthday as January 7. Hikari’s birthday is April 14. The time skip was 6 months after the cute scene with the family before her birth. While Masaki said that he had Hikari in his womb for 10 months, Hinata seems to be around the same? The pregnancy announcement was exactly on Hikari’s birthday on April. Count 10 months later, it’ll be January. That means the first half took place around July. The second half is probably several months after Hinata’s birth, meaning that Hikari’s birthday had already passed and now he’s three. Hinata can crawl, meaning that she’s around six months? Hikari’s growing too fast, honestly; look at him! He can speak more articulately now, albeit still having the baby lisp.

Hinata is adorable! I love how each baby look like one of the parent but not completely. Hikari looks like Hiromu, but has Masaki’s hair curls. Hinata looks like Masaki, but has Hiromu’s straight hair and long eyelashes. I love that they’re not a 100% carbon copy of one parent, but maybe like a 98% copy? I love how Hikari was the one who inspired them to name her Hinata. The scene where they were in bed and Hikari explains how the sun is the baby and how the baby would pop from the sky and come to them was super adorable. It’s also very innocent in a way! His innocence moved Masaki; it was a sign that told him everything would be alright and that Hinata would be a healthy baby regardless of her type.

Hinata is voiced by Konomi Kohara! If you watched Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End, Kohara voiced the little mayor girl from the Sword Village. Hikari’s voice actress also voices Frieren, they’re reunited in a way. Kohara is actually doing a really good job with the baby babbles. She was in Gakuen Babysitters as Kirin, so she’s like a professional baby voice actress alongside Tanezaki!

I do love that there are ups and downs in this episode. While the entire episode is diabetes-inducing, there are some dark aspects like Masaki considering abortion for a brief moment. He doesn’t go through with it, but just having such thoughts is rather surprising because of the things he had endured growing up. I like how human this is. No one knows what their child looks like inside the womb and how it’ll grow up. He has human worries and it feels realistic in a sense, but sprinkle in omegaverse. There’s also the part where that acquaintance of Hiromu told Hikari in front of Masaki “Aren’t you glad you were born an alpha?” Argh, conservative old farts are just the worst.

The Hiromu and Masaki scenes are so wholesome. They’re seriously an ideal couple. Seeing Hiromu just scooping Masaki into a tender embrace was super sweet. Just seeing them lovey dovey makes me feel like I’m third wheeling as hard as Hikari and Yuuki. I also liked the part where Hiromu pops up and pins Masaki to the bed as the latter was lying down. It shows that Hiromu really likes spending time with Masaki whenever he can without the kids whether it be brief. Hiromu is seriously an ideal partner to have. He’s not a green flag or a forest, he’s an entire meadow. Why can’t be real men like him?

As someone who was super into this story back when it was still just a manga, there are a few little details that casual viewers and BL fans that just got into this story might not know, so I’m here to fill them in for you. These were just things I remember reading on the author’s Twitter page a long time ago. I don’t know if these are still true on the author’s part, but they most likely are.

Masaki’s parents. I don’t remember if the manga ever pointed this out, but the author did mention that Masaki’s parents were females and most likely beta because his relatives, who will appear in a few episodes, are betas. Whether this will be told in the anime is unknown, but hopefully because the anime does make some changes from the manga like the Matsuo and Yuuki scene in the post-credit scene.

Hinata’s type. While Hinata’s type is speculated by Masaki while she was still in her womb, her type is not specified at all. I assume that if babies turn one years old, they’ll know their type? Because Hikari was specified to be an alpha and he was turning two at the time. The author reveals on their twitter that Hinata is also an alpha.

The post-credit scene with Matsuo and Yuuki shows the start of a romance flag. What do you think about this ship? I think they’re cute in a way like how Yuuki isn’t all shy and nervous around Matsuo from the moment he met him.

I feel like I wrote way too much for this review. Um, I hope you enjoy and what are your thoughts on it?

#tadaima okaeri #masaki fujiyoshi #Hiromu fujiyoshi #hikari fujiyoshi #hinata fujiyoshi #Tomohiro matsuo #Yuuki hirai #review #anime #anime review #omegaverse #bl anime #ecargmura #arum journal

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wienersmosh · 9 months ago

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rapid fire list of my smosh-related opinions:

noah grossman needs to have been phased out 3 months ago. people acting like FREELANCER contracts are so fucking ironclad and that's why smosh couldn't do anything are so disingenuous. they phased out saige in 2022, they could've very easily done the same to noah -- they just didn't want to.

eat it or yeet it was fun for the first few episodes, but they ran it to the ground when they realized it was a hit with the locals/casual viewers and they needed those numbers. it's SO absurd that they made 89 episodes and it got really boring, really fast. (i'm glad anthony got to be on it before they got rid of it tho)

i've always found garrett annoying and unfunny for the most part. he's maybe said one or two funny things in all of my time watching smosh and i will never understand how some people stan him or find him attractive.

to be clear even if they replaced garrett as host on eioyi, it would still be boring and stale to me.

i miss kimmy being on camera. she wasn't the funniest and the smiley sunshine persona can be a bit much but she was one of the better sketch actors imo.

i do not want the og smosh games cast back. it's also weird they keep bringing up smosh on their ogsog content. i'm glad they appear to be on good terms with ian and anthony but unless there's ACTUALLY a future collab in the works they need to stop namedropping smosh so much.

i don't necessarily miss saige on smosh but i do miss damien and saige as a couple.

i don't care if people don't like anthony or don't find him funny, but the way a LOT of fans (mostly on twitter and reddit) blatantly disrespect him, the fact that he started smosh, and him literally reuniting with his best friend, just bc they got rid of the unscripted series on main really pisses me off. also he's not to blame for EVERYTHING wrong with smosh today.

HOWEVER, that being said, i do believe there was a better way to transition smosh main. they could've had anthony do a speed run of all of their unscripted series to give them a proper goodbye, and THEN uploaded the sketches.

EBE was a hit or miss, but when they did it well they did it REALLY well.

other than ian, anthony, and finnerty, syd and olivia were their best sketch writers.

people who are genuinely mad that they have memberships now are overreacting. i get that paying for anything sucks but if you're an adult with a job in a first world country $10 USD a month *maximum* really isn't that much. also, they're independent now, that's just the reality of capitalism.

people who act like smosh is above any and all criticism genuinely terrify me. they're a youtube channel and a company, and as audience members we're allowed to critique them.

the old smoshcast was better than smosh mouth, but i might be biased bc ian did host most of them.

agree to disagree was a good series, but they botched it when they started using more serious prompts which caused a lot of viewers to lose respect for some of the cast for problematic opinions.

i used to like olivia but considering she was only in 30 videos last year and she really doesn't seem like she cares anymore, i don't get how they expect any of us to still care about her. also she posted something in support of israel on her story, but hardly anyone knows about it.

i love the guy but shayne doesn't need to be in every video. i get that he brings in the views, but jesus christ.

smosh pit theater is their best pit series, followed closely by beopardy.

i find a lot of their defy era series on pit eg sleepover, show with no name, put it in my mouth, etc to be really boring and i’m glad they got out of defy and sarah whittle was more in charge of pit.

i didn’t like angela at first but i love her now.

#smosh #smosh pit #i'll add more to this when i think of more

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birdnamedenza · 4 months ago

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Where the down bit starts

OCs: Ketan, Hunter

Not me casually being back after almost two years.

I had already started to write this story and basically had an entire plot arch all layed out in my head... and then life happened. It didn't help that this was quite the challenging story to write with all of the plot and action going on besides the actual sickness part. We have a crossover between Tiago's arch nemesis Hunter and Ketan, the one who got away so far. Ketan's scenario had to be special and Hunter is just fun to make sick with all the casual perfection going on around him. I hope I kind of succeeded, thank you for everyone who's still enjoying my writing after that long hiatus.

TW: Vomit

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ketan was stressed out, and that rarely happened. Usually, his restless energy and exuberant imagination helped him to channel every adrenaline rush into something creative. He had already come up with a perfect plan: There was a funfair in town, the ultimate setting for an interactive live stream. It was a cold and cloudy monday morning. Occasional downpours were expected, so there wouldn't be a lot of visitors, certainly not around the opening hour at 10 a.m.

The only trouble was that none of his friends were available to join him. Calvin was studying for an upcoming examn – in fact, he had just pulled an all-nighter and sounded dead tired when Ketan called him. Zena spent the entire weekend out of town for a job and wouldn't return before the late evening hours. Much to Ketan's surprise, Cassandra was the one who picked up Ezra's phone. Apparently, he had been busy barfing up his guts for the last 24 hours, thanks to a nasty stomach flu. Cassandra stayed at his apartment to take care of him and keep him hydrated. And Natalia… Natalia would have never been down for a trip to the funfair, even if she hadn't been avoiding Ketan like the plague after her drunken meltdown.

Of course, Ketan could have gone on his own or postponed the stream, but he had already announced the date to his followers. The whole thing was supposed to be a competition-style setup with challenges and matches. To fire up the engagement, the viewers could vote for the next ride and who handled it better. Short queues were expected at those perfect conditions, but whatever waiting time would occur could be passed with asking each other embarrassing questions. It was all layed out in Ketan's head and it absolutely needed to happen.

When Ketan was at the verge of despair, Calvin proved once again to be the best friend ever. He had contacted some of his fellow students if someone was, quite literally, up for the ride. A classmate named Hunter had actually agreed to join in on the fun. His health and fitness content was popular, albeit mostly among young women who weren't exactly there for the educational part. Ketan couldn't blame them – that Hunter guy was just the right eye candy he needed to attract the masses.

All giddy and hyped up, Ketan arrived almost half an hour early at the fairground. The colorful rides, stalls and games lay dormant under a dull grey sky. Only a handful of visitors strolled among the whimsical attractions that just started their work for the day. Ketan used the waiting time to map out the area and plan a route. Here and there, a whiff of sugary, oily goods hit his nose. In the near distance, the first ride began blaring out 90's electronica. It was hard to suppress a maniacal grin.

Finally, Ketan rushed back to the entrance to welcome his guest star. Just like he remembered, Hunter was ridiculously handsome with his bronze skin, sensual lips and defined curls, but his smile and his posture gave away his nervousness. Determined to break the ice, Ketan put on his most charming expression and greeted Hunter with a warm hug.

"My savior has arrived!"

"Uhm, sure thing, no big deal", Hunter replied, still a tad shy. "I haven't been to the fair in ages. Sounds fun."

"Yeah, right? It's nostalgia on steroids." Ketan had his equipment all set up and ready to go. The countdown for his viewers was ticking and quite a few were waiting for the stream to begin. "Cal has told you that we're doing this live, right? No cuts, no editing."

"Eh… yes, that's fine, it's just… I've never done this before."

"Oh, don't worry, I have." With a pat on Hunter‘s strong back, Ketan subtely directed him towards the designated starting point. "Just be yourself, they're gonna love you. It might feel a little weird at first, but you'll get used to it in no time. I promise I'm gonna make this easy for you."

"Okay, uhm… thanks." Hunter's bashful smile was thoroughly endearing. Ketan hoped that his heterochromia would show up well on camera – the light blue spot in one of his brown eyes was almost mesmerizing. The obvious fact that the guy had no idea how attractive he was only made it better.

"Take a deep breath and enjoy the adventure", Ketan reassured him. "You're gonna be great. Just don't take anything I say personal, we gotta give the audience a bit of a fake rivalry thing. Pretend that it's a sport competition and we're both taking this super seriously."

"Yeah. I think I can do that." Hunter hesitated for a moment, then scratched the back of his head. "Ah, yes… I guess I should mention that heights make me a bit nervous. I won't back out, just wanna let you know."

Ketan could barely contain a triumphant roar. He had ended up with the perfect filming partner after all.

"That's okay, don't try to hide it. I'm sure many viewers can relate", he encouraged Hunter. "They want to see real people with real emotions. Can you tell them a few things about yourself first? I'll jump in if you ever feel stuck. You'll see – before you know it, you’re an absolute pro."

After Hunter had successfully tackled the first obstacle of introducing himself, he slowly began to calm down. Ketan made sure to start out nice and easy with some classic games. The tin can alley, the shooting gallery, the unclimbable ladder and the strongman test all gave Hunter a chance to excel with his physical skills to gently ease him into the challenge.

To keep things exciting, Ketan had already put up a vote for the first ride they had to go on. The drop tower won by a landslide – much to Hunter's dismay. It wasn't even a big tower, 130 ft at best. A young girl barely passed the height requirement, grinning from ear to ear, while Hunter nervously looked around like he was considering a last minute escape.

"It's a bit early to regret your life choices", Ketan teased with a friendly dig in Hunter's ribs. "You can always skip the ride if you're too scared, you know?"

"No way!", Hunter attempted to join in on the banter. "I'm in the lead, remember? And I never go down without a fight."

"We're both going down in a minute, but first it's all the way up, up, up to the top." Filled to the brim with anticipation, Ketan took a seat and secured the restraints. He adjusted his 360° cam to a nice angle that showed both their faces and a good bit of the surroundings.

"Oh boy", Hunter exhaled sharply as the operator performed the final safety check. "I'm not so sure about this."

"Too late to wimp out now." Chuckling like a madman, Ketan captured their slow ascenct. The camera did a great job at conveying the height, even added to it with the warped perspective. Hunter, of course, couldn't appreciate any of it since his eyes were shut tight. He was humming a slightly distorted tune while his hands held on to the restraints. Surprisingly, it didn't even sound half bad. Besides his stunning looks and athletic skills, Hunter was also gifted with a deep and silky voice.

"You're missing out on the view, bud!" Ketan reached over with his free hand and pinched Hunter's impressive bizeps. Hunter flinched and looked up for a moment, visibly startled.

"Oh God, I hate this", he moaned and turned his eyes towards the gloomy clouds. Better than looking down, Ketan assumed. Meanwhile, the ride had come to a halt, leaving his brave three riders suspended in anticipation.

"Got a message for the crowds?", Ketan grinned.

"It was nice to meet yo-uuuaaaaaaah!" Hunter's words were ripped into a breathless scream as the platform plunged towards the ground. Weightlessness washed over Ketan's body, the sinking and exhilarating feeling of a free fall. It was like his stomach was floating in his chest, tingling and fluttering and almost unbearable, but in the best way possible. And then, before his nerves could even make sense of it, the brakes set in and it was all over.

"That was amazing!" Ketan couldn't stop laughing and after a few seconds of a horrified blank stare, Hunter joined in. Nervously, but still.

"I was right", he said with a crooked smile while fixing his hair, "I hated it."

"Well, you didn't spoil your pants, that's a plus. Should be an easy win for me, though."

"Uhm… yeah, I guess so", Hunter nodded, still out of breath. Then he remembered the whole competition aspect and forced out a: "Unless our viewers appreciate me overcoming my fear."

Ketan could barely stop himself from pinching Hunter's cheek. The man just wasn't made for bragging and taunting. His feeble attempt was so wholesome that Ketan almost broke character, and he was sure his followers noticed.

"You deserve a pat on the shoulder. Now let's check the results."

The results were anything but clear. Ketan came out on top, but only by a few percent. And the lifechat made it perfectly clear that the audience was smitten by his first time companion.

"I want to hold his sweaty hand so badly", Ketan read out loud. "Still hot, even when he's about to pee himself."

"Stop it", Hunter protested, pretending to reach for the phone. "How 'bout your embarrassing comments?"

"Later. Maybe. First, you guys gotta pick the starter, main course and appetizer for our eating contest."

"Like… who's gonna eat the most?" Hunter's eyes widened. Maybe the drop had left a lasting impression on his stomach or he feared the ride following their meal.

"What, do I look like a sadist to you?" Ketan put on his best serial killer impersonation before breaking into a smile again. "No way, I gotta do the same thing, remember? It's all about speed, baby. The winner finishes first."

"Big mistake. I'm a fast eater." Hunter pounded his shredded abs that, even under his shirt, looked like he lived on nothing but broccoli and lean chicken breast.

"Never underestimate my power!" With a last ominous glare, Ketan checked his phone for the jury's votes. Unsurprisingly, corn dog and chocolate churros were the clear favorites – phallic-shaped food always came in first, pun intended. The third pick was a bit of a wild card: chocolate covered bacon. It probably sounded too weird to give it a pass. While casually chatting some more, Ketan went to the food trucks to gather their democratically elected meal.

"You guys are the referees", he declared to his viewers. "Just in case it's a close race, which it's totally not going to be."

"Keep telling yourself that", Hunter gave back with newfound confidence.

"Look who's getting cocky", Ketan sneered and grabbed his corn dog. "Alrighty then… get ready… set… go!"

As fast as he possibly could, Ketan munched away at the crispy cornbread and the plump, meaty hotdog. He felt pretty confident until he shot a glance at his opponent. Somehow, Hunter had managed to shove almost the entire thing into his mouth at once and chewed at lightning speed. Damn it, he was a fast eater indeed. Determined not to lose, Ketan took bigger bites, then swiftly reached for the churros.

The deep fried crispiness, soft inside and intense cocoa flavor made it easy to get down bite after bite. Ketan stared at the horizon beyond the stalls and rides, focusing on nothing but pushing in the strands of pastry, chewing once or twice, then gulping forcefully. Finally, he grapped the long strip of chocolate covered bacon and chewed it off the stick before he could think about it. The smokey note hit harder than expected – the sweetness of the chocolate tried, but failed to overpower it. It wasn't horrible, just not entirely to his taste, and it left a greasy mouthfeel. That didn't stop Ketan from nibbling away every last bit, then swallowing once more.

He looked up to find Hunter already taking a sip of his water. An unfamiliar grin parted his rival's lips as he probably felt that adrenaline rush for the first time. He had finally stopped pretending – now he was taking this seriously. Ketan frowned and wiped his lips.

"Told you so", Hunter declared unabashedly triumphant.

"Just because I'm not as good at deepthroating corn dogs", Ketan growled.

"You're not mad, aren't ya?" Genuine worry clouded Hunter's smile.

"A little." Ketan gave his guest star a wink to assure him that his concern was unfounded. "Better enjoy that victory while it lasts. You might not like what's in store for you."

The next stop was a historically themed photo booth, just to give their stomachs some time to settle. Meanwhile, Ketan had already put up the poll for their following ride, which was going to be one of the main attractions. One that would make even him a tiny bit nervous. He knew perfectly well that the audience wanted to see them suffer and he was ready to ham it up for the camera.

Of course the viewers went for the fair’s most intimidating ride – a huge inverted coaster that started off with a steep drop, followed by a tight loop and a maze of zero-g rolls, corkscrews, hills and helixes. It was hard to imagine that this monster was actually portable. Hunter's face fell as he saw the massive steel skeleton.

"I – I don't think I can do that", he mumbled, lowering his head towards Ketan's ear. Maybe he was hoping the camera wouldn't pick up his voice.

"Come on, it's a little late to tap out", Ketan encouraged him, even though his own smile felt rather forced. He knew that this beast was assembled by pros and safety tested, his brain just couldn't get over that whole too big to be portable thing. The park management had agreed to him filming on-ride, he reminded himself, which they wouldn't have done if they weren't confident in their attractions. The uneasy feeling in his stomach was probably caused by a severe neglect of proper chewing during their eating contest. It was not like he was actually scared. "Unless… you want to give up. Double points for the winner, what do you think?"

"Uhm… I… I mean…" Hunter was biting his lip, hands fidgeting nervously, eyes staring intensly at the coaster towering over them. Then his chest heaved with a deep breath and his brows furrowed in nervous determination. "Alright. Let's do this."

"That's the spirit, big guy!" With some enthusiastic slaps on the back, Ketan steered Hunter towards the measly queue. There were five other people in front of them, waiting for the train to return. As soon as the gates opened, Ketan grabbed Hunter's hand and rushed towards the front car, ignoring the protest of a middle-aged woman. His heart was pounding, more out of excitement than anxiety. They were going to get a lovely video out of this. His followers were in for a treat.

"I… I think I made a mistake", Hunter whispered, wide-eyed. His caramel skin barely hid the fact that he had turned pale around the cheeks. As much as the restraints allowed it, Ketan reached over to pat his shoulder.

"Trust me, these things are never as bad as they look."

"No, oh no." Hunter sounded desperate as the train set in motion. Slowly, the chain lift pulled them up the first hill with the familiar click-clack. Ketan looked down towards his dangling feet while holding his camera as stable as possible. His trusty cam had this insane ability to make the selfie stick disappear on video, creating an effect of it floating in mid-air. Ketan gave his viewers a big grin while Hunter looked like he was about to burst into tears. In a futile attempt of reassurance, Ketan kept on rubbing his rival’s impressive biceps.

Finally, the train shifted into an upright position and for a moment, the entire funfair was below them. They followed one last bend towards the inevitable drop.

"I don't feel so good", Hunter rasped, his muscles tensing under Ketan's palm.

"This is the scariest part", Ketan tried to calm him down. "It's all gonna be fun from here!"

Hunter faintly shook his head, then pressed his eyes shut again and attempted to disappear into the shoulder restraints. The very next second, they went over the edge and gravity set things in motion. Ketan began to scream, but the train accelerated so quickly that the air was knocked out of his lungs. Then ground and sky changed places and all of a sudden, his feet were up in the clouds. It was amazing.

Until he heard that sound right next to him.

It was a deep, guttural retch. In one horrible moment, everything clicked. Hunter wasn't just scared. He was feeling sick. No wonder he had looked like he was about to wiggle out of his seat and jump off the ride. And to make things worse, the 360° twist of the zero-gravity roll made Ketan painfully aware of the unrest in his own stomach.

A series of dry heaves assaulted Ketan’s ear, loud enough to overpower even the wind’s roar. It was incredible that such a beautiful person could produce such revolting noises. They sent a wave of nausea through Ketan's body and made him shiver in his clammy skin. Like the rollercoaster, things were going downhill fast.

"Try to breathe", Ketan screamed, barely able to follow his own advice.

"Hu-hhhhhhrrrrrrrRRRRrrRRRrrrrrrr", was Hunter's response, and it sounded awfully wet. If only he could keep it down a little bit longer! The guy didn't even cup his mouth. He held on to the restraints like his life depended on it while his body was shaken by violent gags. Every single time, his head jolted forwards, lips wide open, tounge sticking out, like he was already in mid-puke. At this point, everyone behind them was probably terrified.

"Hold it in!", Ketan pleaded, just before the train twisted into a corkscrew. The last thing he saw were Hunter's eyes flying wide open and his cheeks bulging out. Ketan quickly turned away his head, preparing for a foul smelling flood to hit him any second. Once again, the world spun out of control and the greasy food he had scoffed down swirled in sync with their cart. It was only when they had made it through the inversion that Ketan dared to look up again.

Big mistake – another one in a whole string of unfortunate decisions. As Ketan anxiously glanced towards Hunter, he found him with his cheeks still puffed, lips pursed, eyes widened. Just a second later, vomit sprayed out of him like a fountain. With only a small gap to escape from, it came out with quite some pressure, but it didn't stand a chance against the airstream. A good bit of puke splattered right back into Hunter's face. Some disgustingly warm droplets and mushy pieces hit Ketan's cheek and his upper arm. Someone behind them screamed in terror and Ketan had the strong suspicion that it wasn't because of the wild ride.

With an instant gag, Ketan's body arched against the restraints. His nose was hit hard with the sour stench of sick, mixed with a fermented sweetness. He felt something sliding up his esophagus, like it was still well-greased from all the fried snacks. Desperate to keep his hasty meal down, Ketan swallowed several times and cupped his mouth with his free hand. The train descended into a downward helix and Ketan's stomach immediately sank, forcing another retch out of him.

Maybe it were those wet gurgles that set a chain reaction in motion, maybe it had been inevitable all along. Hunter's shoulders tensed as another gush of undigested food spilled out of his mouth and all over his front. At least now he tilted his head forward and fully parted his lips to prevent another explosion. With a horribly moist, gargling retch, the impossibly gorgeous hunk puked up large chunks of sausage and soggy dough that splattered heavily on his thighs.

Ketan's eyes watered as he fought against the mass that kept on pushing up his throat. The forceful movement of the rollercoaster, the rancid smell and the sickening noises Hunter produced all became too much for him. But the station was close, so very close. Another turn and Ketan already felt the brakes setting in. He pushed against his lips like with the force of sheer determination while his abdominal muscles clenched painfully.

"I'm so sorry", Hunter moaned weakly. Somehow, he still looked ridiculously handsome, even with strands of vomit dripping from his lips. Tiny droplets of tears had been caught in his long lashes as he looked at Ketan with pleading eyes. Ketan just nodded, mouth clutched, frantically taking in rapid, shallow breaths through his nose. The train slowed down as they entered the final stretch. He could do it. He had to do it.

Hunter, however, could not. A spasmodic hiccup shook his buff frame and without any resistance, another massive wave of beige liquid spilled from his lips. His face went blank as he immediately threw up again. Mushy bits of bacon and hotdog and cornbread plopped wetly onto the restraints. The sound was enough to send Ketan into a violent heave. Acrid liquid bubbled up from his stomach. It burned like hell and brought up bigger lumps that slid over Ketan's uvula, forcing him to gag even harder. With every fiber of his body, he tried to swallow the soggy mass back down.

Just as it all seemed lost, the train came to a halt. They had made it to the station. Unable to stop retching, his cheeks bulging against his palm, Ketan pleaded silently for the restraints to open. He saw a fairground worker approaching them hastily – a young guy, probably an undergrad like himself who just wanted to make a bit of extra money. And then, in a cruel twist of fate, Ketan's stomach forcefully ejected another surge of puke. Hot, creamy liquid shot out of the small crack between his tightly closed lips. It poured out over and under his hand, between his fingers, down his arm, all over his cheeks and chin.

The worker stared in horror, his face one substantial "Oh no!", as he saw Ketan lose his battle in such a spectacular way. Finally, the shoulder restraints lifted themselves, like they wanted to mock his futile attempt. Their fellow riders frantically rushed out of the train. The woman that had snapped at them before was now giving them a death glare. Her hair, her face and a good part of her blouse were stained with Hunter's stomach contents.

Before she could break out into a tirade, Ketan's insides went for another loop and he projectile vomited all over himself. It spurted out of him in such a big arch that some droplets even hit the camera. The camera? A cascade of silent curses popped up in Ketan's fuzzy mind. Their entire barf‑a‑thon had been livestreamed to all of his followers, and thanks to the superior image stabilization, they probably hadn't missed a single chunk.

"Are… you guys okay?", the operator asked cautiously. Ketan looked at him and broke into a laugh. He just couldn't help himself. The entire situation was so utterly absurd.

"Sorry", he gasped, unable to calm himself down. "It just sorta… happened. I tried to hold it in, I really did, but… but…“

The laughter overwhelmed Ketan's bubbling stomach and he was shaken by another retch. A greasy brownish mush splattered onto his lap. Ketan's clothes were pretty much soaked with puke at this point and clung to his damp skin. The fresh breeze made him tremble, but he kept on chuckling as he expelled poorly chewed corndog bits. Hunter awkwardly patted Ketan's back to help him through the violent bout. After what seemed like an eternity, both the wet heaves and the hysterical giggles finally subsided.

"We can clean it all up", Hunter rasped. "I… I really didn't mean to ruin your, you know, ride."

"Uhm, no, it happens", the young man reassured him. He sounded more nervous than comforting, probably expecting either one of them to blow chunks again any seconds. "We’ll just hose it down. You guys look like you better go home."

"Yeah… you're right... sorry." Hunter sounded horribly guilty. Defeated. Ketan pressed his co-star‘s shoulder before they finally got up from their stained seats. Soggy lumps, now cooled down, slid down Ketan‘s legs. With a stiff gait, he walked down the platform – still nauseated, but doing his best to pull off a smile. At this point, he had no chance but to play it off and act unaffected.

Ketan's eyes did widen just a little as he looked at his phone. The viewer count had, in fact, almost trippled during their disastrous ride. And why was he even surprised? People were sadists after all. There was a reason the most popular challenges were always the one that made someone puke. It was the perfect blend of schadenfreude and childish humor.

"Okay, guys, this is going to be a tough one", he picked up the chitchat with his audience like nothing had happened. "I can proudly state that we gave it our all – all of our stomach contents, that is. Will you reward the spectacular human fountain or the last one barfing? The choice is yours while we're… trying to clean ourselves up a little. Stay tuned!"

Hunter hesitated to step closer. He looked helpless, lost, so Ketan grabbed his hand and pulled him along to a more quiet place behind the stalls.

"Feeling a little better?", Ketan asked in a much softer voice than his usual hyped up persona. He did feel bad for dragging Hunter into this mess. Nobody wanted to have a vomiting fit immortalized on the internet, especially not during their very first live stream.

"Yeah, I… I think so." Hunter gave him a crooked smile and a thumbs up.

Good thing Ketan’s philosophy was to be prepared for anything. Among his many technical gadgets, he also brought a large water bottle that turned out to be a life saver. First, he helped Hunter clean the worst mess from his skin and clothes before giving himself the same treatment. Quite a bit of puke had splashed back onto Hunter‘s own face. There were chunks and strands in his hair, heck, even in his ears. Ketan brought out some much-needed backup in the form of paper towels. Even then, they could only do so much – the stench of sick still lingered around them, their clothes were soaking wet and the stains easily visible. Ketan shivered and the goosebumps on Hunter's arms showed that he was freezing as well.

"Things are getting a tad uncomfortable for us and I don't think they're gonna welcome us on another ride", Ketan declared with a somewhat sheepish grin. The stream had definitely been cut short, but at least they were going out with a bang. "Let's see what you guys have to say… 'Blergh. Puke emoji, puke emoji, puke emoji' – relatable. 'Ketan, I would totally rub your back.' – aw, thank you. 'I wanna clean Hunter up with my tongue.' – interesting."

"I don't think that's a good idea", Hunter replied in such an sincere tone that Ketan could barely hold back a chuckle. Or a hug. He handed over the almost emptied bottle instead. Hunter took a deep sip, swished the water around in his mouth and politely turned away from the camera before spitting it all back out on the grass.

"Probably not, but thanks for the kind offer.“ Ketan waited until Hunter was done before he poorly imitated drumrolls. „Now let's determine the winner, shall we? It's the moment we've all been waiting for. Remember, we got double points for the last ride. So the winner of our final competition and the entire day is…" With a dramatic pause, Ketan looked at the poll. Took a deep breath. Then broke into a smile and raised his rival‘s arm. "Hunter!"

Countless hearts flooded the chat. It probably helped that Hunter's drenched clothes stuck to his chiseled body and that his face lit up in such an endearing way.

"Thank you, everyone! Honestly, thank you.“ A tinge of red brought back some life into his cheeks that were still far from the usual golden-brown tan. „I know you guys weren't even here for me and I'm glad I didn't ruin the whole thing for you. Guess my stomach isn't used to deep-fried food anymore."

"Don't worry, it happens to the best of us.“ Ketan stretched himself to ruffle Hunter’s soft locks. „Case in point, it even happenend to me.“

„Yeah… sorry… that kinda feels like it was my fault as well. I made you… you know… I started the whole vomiting thing and then… sorry. It’s a little embarrassing.“

„My idea, my responsibility, okay?“ The shame-fueled puppy dog expression on Hunter’s face was utterly adorable and, weird enough, it sparked Ketan’s protective instinct for the significantly taller hunk. „Now before we ride home towards the sunset, let’s read some last comments to cheer you up. ‚Hottest. Thing. EVER!‘ – ‚Marry me, Hunter! Heart emoji times a bijillion‘ – ‚More streams together plllzzzz‘ – You’d like that, huh? You dirty little weirdos. Any last words to the audience, Hunt?“

„Uhm… I’m already taken, so I have to decline the marriage proposal. But thanks for the votes and everything! I really appreciate it!“

„You heard him! And you will never know what we’re gonna do next… in private. Kay thanx bye!“ After his signature abrupt last wave, Ketan bumped the phone against his forehead, then quickly turned off the camera. His grin instantly fell into an expression of pure guilt. „Hit me. Like, hard. Fist and all. I deserve it. That’s not how things were supposed to go down. I mean, it was my most successful stream ever and I’m eternally grateful for that, but I’m also honestly sorry.“

„No, it’s okay.“ Hunter waved a hand, visibly confused by Ketan’s sudden change in demeanor. „I should have said that I wasn’t feeling well. It kind of, you know, got to me with the whole contest thing and all and then it was too late. I’m just glad it all turned out fine in the end.“

„You’re too good to be true“, Ketan sighed. „And probably cold as hell, so how about a detour to my place for a hot shower and some tea? I owe you one, more than one, and it’s the least I can do.“

„Sounds great. My stomach’s still a little angry at me, I guess.“ Hunter’s hand drew a circle over the perfectly defined muscles of his abdomen. He seemed worn out, but mostly relieved. That was because he couldn’t possibly know at this moment that nothing was fine and that the steepest drop was only about to begin.

He found out soon enough when his phone started ringing.

#emeto #vomiting #whump #vomit tw #sickfic #emeto tw #caretaking #puke #motion sickness #too much food #ocs #ketan #hunter #tiago is going to love this

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beatrixacs · 6 months ago

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My final thoughts on Shogun

Overall rating: 9/10.

The show has its ups and downs - the downs mainly being the way they handled the romance in the show that could have been much better and much more impactful for a casual viewer, and the ups everything else.

I have never read the book - actually, I'm reading a copy I was lent by my colleague right now - but I have seen the 80s version many, many years ago and fell in love with it. By 'fell in love' I mean that I was up to 4:30 AM on Saturday because for some reason, the airing time was in the middle of the night.

I've always wanted to read the book (in my native language which is not English) but it was one of those that is rarely re-printed or found in second-hand bookshops. When they finally re-printed it in 2009, I preferred a different book with the money I could afford to spend, thinking that I would buy Shogun later when I save enough money.

Well, it was a mistake I regretted for long 15 years because the copies were quickly sold out and begging for re-print went unheard. It has a good ending, though. I can buy a new brand copy in May.

And I have FX Shogun to thank for that because they revived the interest.

When the news about the show broke out in 2018, I was excited but of course that my second thought was 'please, don't suck'. But then it seemed that the project was called off or something because I heard no news about it. You can imagine by happiness when the airing date was finally announced.

From the cast and photos to the trailers, podcasts, making of videos and the episodes themselves, the whole ride was amazing. The attention to detail was exceptional. The cast was superb. The whole feel of the show and the story was magnetic. Shogun Tuesdays rightfully became a concept people were looking forward to.

As I described above, I can't really comment on the changes as opposed to the book since I'm in the process of reading it for the first time but from my understanding, some of the changes were actually pretty good some of them less.

While I am the fan of "don't take too much liberties with the source material", one has to keep in mind that the source material might not be always as perfect or as easy to translate on the screen. That is why I am open to changes if they make sense. Since I haven't seen much outrage from the book fans (aside the romance), I suppose most of the changes were okay. At this point, I expect the book to give me better insight on the characters I saw on the screen because that is something only book can do.

As for the 80s show that has a special place in my heart, I actually want to avoid comparing them. You can feel that FX Shogun has a great respect for the legendary adaptation but they were bold enough to go their own way in some points and I'm glad for that. I don't want to watch a modern copy of something that has been already filmed, I want to watch a new, fresh adaptation of the book that shares some similarities but it's not the same.

Boths adaptations deserve praise. Both adapations are excellent in their own right. Those who haven't seen it yet, I say - do it.

All in all, I want to thank FX for bringing Shogun back on the screen (and on my bookshelf) and giving us one of the best series of 2024. I hope gets a lot of awards so the creators get the appreciation they deserve.

Arigato gozaimasu.

#shogun #shogun fx #fx shogun #2024 shogun #shogun 2024 #personal #my opinion

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mysteriouslybluepirate · 1 year ago

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Live Blog/My thoughts scene for scene ish for OFMD S2 Episodes 1-3

FULL SPOILERS FOR S2 EPS 1-3. Including a post credit scene for Episode 3 that includes a teaser for the episodes 4-5 and discussing scenes we haven't seen from the trailer.

My long form stuff usually gets seen by people outside of my circle so before this long post I want to preface with this-

Hi! Izzy is my favorite character. As of right now I have written just under 240k words about this guy and spent most of my time in this fandom in Izzy spaces. If that is a problem for you, this might not be the read.

But I got fed a 5 star meal and already see this season is a love letter to the fans and I am here to appreciate it.

Please be warned. I personally think this season should have a warning on it for how it handles suicide, suicidal ideation, substance use and relationship abuse. I will be going in depth on this but handle it with respect as someone whose lived shit like this.

My first watch was without subtitles and on a big old tv screen. I I decided to miss a few things my first watch, choosing to turn off subtitles, and get surprised by dialogue and delivery(as I tend to read ahead). This watch is to confirm lines, appreciate delivery, and more.

I have not read any meta, and this is blind before I see how all my mutuals freak out!!!!

Lines that fucked me up will be bolded. Just know I want to write an essay about them, and would given the chance. (sorry for spelling errors I watched this twice + stayed up for an extra 10 hours😅)

EPISODE 1:

I liked the recap, but I don’t think it’s enough for casual viewers who watched it maybe once ALSO. That Edit of Izzy’s ‘namby-pamby crying for his boyfriend’ IMMEDIATELY into the Toe Scene got a laugh out of me, because OWW. How had we not thought of that?

I LOVE THE DREAM SCENE. Izzy beating him fair and square, but still losing. The stab in the killing side? THE MELODRAMA. The way this confirms Stede sees Izzy as a ‘big bad’ he needs to defeat to ‘win’ Ed. Him having the most 1 dimensional view of both him, Ed, and Izzy. A view how Stede is still an idiot unable to see nuance in people. Izzy smiling? The way he mutters his last words> God I love Con O’Neill. Let’s watch him maybe die 8 separate times and call it a season.

It also got a good laugh out of me. Did I predict that that it was a dream when the teaser came out? Yeah. Still funny as shit.

‘Can’t be worse than you moaning Ed, Oh Ed’ FUNNY AS SHIT.

I liked the ‘customer service’ montage. Swede, you deserve all the love you get. You are in good hands. I think Stede’s part of this episode was just to lighten the rest of it. Hello to an antagonist of this season, and narrative foil to Stede, Prince Ricky.

I know it doesn’t matter who did Ed’s back tattoo, but the irony of Ed trusting someone enough to get it done is just funny.

(Wedding Scene) I SQUEALED WHEN WE GOT THE RETURN OF ED’S EVIL THEME. Also, calling his crew the devils ‘kids’ is so fucking funny. HELLO CLASSIC ROCK IVE NEVER HEARD OF??? Welcome to the OFMD playlist. I love the montage of ‘Ed is working everyone to death’. Izzy got to threaten an English sailor. I know he’s happy with that.

Yes. The wedding thing was absolutely over the line. RIP Ivan, you will be missed. I can’t wait for Frenchie to break down, and congrats to all the people who wrote Frenchie as emotionally distant, you’ve won!

THE WAY IZZY SOUNDS SO TIRED ‘Yeah. They got cake.’ ALSO. Did I miss the knife throwing scene?? Was that just for the trailer? I think it was in a past edit and they removed it.

‘Can’t do the job? Someone else will’ (Ed to Izzy)- Izzy felt that he mattered to Ed. This one line reframes their entire relationship. This fucks Izzy up. I theorize as the main reason Izzy never did anything was because Ed was his captain. But they were still friends. Close. Trusted partners. But Izzy is still expendable. Even after all this time. He is nothing. Maybe he knows Ed is doing this so he rebels, and kills him, but maybe he doesn't. Izzy cares about loyalty... we'll see.

Yes. The Izzy scene hurts. But after watching Ep 2, this is nothing.

‘It is your job to-to follow my fucking orders’ (Izzy to crew) THIS IS NOT HOW I THOUGHT THIS LINE WOULD BE USED. Because he knows. He knows he’s fucked, and he’s struggling to accept the fact that he’s looking down the loaded barrel. He knows that he can’t make these people listen to him, not any more. He’s alone, and now the one thing he can do(be Ed’s first mate) is about to be stripped from him. Hell, it already is.

Spanish Jackie. I love you. I love you so much. Extort those fuckers. Semi clean water and education is a big deal! Also, this season overall is a HUGE win for my fellow Pete fans. Funny bastard.

I have thoughts about Prince boy, but they can wait until he does something.

Stede’s flaw has always been his naivety, habit of judging once and never really questioning it, and his ego. Prince is able to take advantage of it. I don’t trust him. I think he’s a spy. I also like thinking Spanish Jackie is collecting husbands to certain tasks like it’s Pokémon. Need a bartender? Customer service husband. The books? Math husband. New Swedish husband? Masseuse.

HI IZZY ED SCENE ----

‘Because it’s fuckin’ treasure.’ Izzy. Izzy I fucking love you. God. The way he stiffens up. Knowing them not following orders means he will lose a toe. Fucking god.

This to me confirms that Ed really wants to get Izzy to kill him in in ep 1. He will tear down every good memory they have just to get Izzy to give in. He doesn’t care about their past, he just wants to die. Izzy is a convenient violent punching bag because he can’t leave. He knows fully well that this crew doesn’t listen, and blames Izzy for a fact he can’t change. It’s fucked that he's shoving Izzy into this corner but he doesn't think there will be consequences.

Honestly. I think Izzy knows his partner is at this edge, but he can’t do anything. This is why he gets the guts to talk back. Both here and later in front of the crew(more in a second).

The ‘you know me better than anyone has ever known me’ (Izzy to Ed) line kills me. Because it’s honest. For the rest of these episodes Izzy is so fucking honest It hurts. He can’t lie. Not to himself, not anymore. Not to Edward or the crews. He can't take advantage of any situation, or turn the tables. All he has is his words. He knows this, and yet here he is. Facing this abuse, and trying, because he wants to fix it. But he knows he’s not enough to snap Ed out.

‘I have love for you’ (Izzy to Ed in cabin)Present tense…fucking hell. Izzy tries to pull Ed out by showing his soft center, and we can tell from Ed’s dismissive reaction that he already knows all this. But Ed isn’t talking. Izzy can’t read minds, he wants to help. I know he felt adrenaline spring through him after the confession, and with loose lips, he says just the wrong thing. HI MICROEXPRESSIONS ON CON. FUCKING AHH

‘Hang on Ed- Captain.’ (Izzy to Ed as Ed is marching out to the crew)OW. OUCH. OOF??? IZZY PANICING???? Trying to stop this???

The look on Izzy’s face when Ed holds the gun to himself is not shocked. Hurt, and he immediately closes himself off, like he genuinely thinks Ed would do it. That’s what hurts. Also, I don’t know if hes doing a high pitch voice to imitate Izzy, but that’s my view of it.

‘PACK IT IN' (Screamed by Izzy to Ed) THATS MY MAN!!! Stand up to Ed being shitty! GOD. Frenchie’s little head shake. Trying to warn Izzy, to tell him no :((((. But Izzy doesn’t care. He knows he’s not got too long left, so he might as well chew Ed out, to say the things everyone is thinking but are too scared to say. God, the way Ed teases the answer in front of everyone. -Say his name and I will shoot- sitting right there in his eyes, and Izzy GRINS and he says ‘Stede fuckin’ Bonnet’ and that is finally enough of an excuse for Ed to shoot.

Look at the way Ed nods his head as Izzy says it, not even letting Izzy finish before saying it. He's done. All the other performative versions of violence, of being Blackbeard he does, I see a reason to say 'he's doing this as self hurt' but Idk. It feels like he wanted to, and now he can. So he does. The way everyone reacts hurts me. The way Ed steps over him, the way Ed pushes Frenchie into Izzy’s job.

I know many fans, and myself before the show aired, thought the leg shooting would be too much. In all honesty. This is how I’d want it written. This entire episode has showcased Edward’s grown resentment to his friend mixed with self destructive impulses. Some might view this as being too much, but given episode 2, this is such a big fucking moment I can’t even comprehend it right now.

Do I think Izzy’s love confession pushed Ed to this panic- ESPECIALLY after his last confession ended in Stede running away? Maybe. But I think Ed was mentally in a place where he couldn’t react with anything BUT dread. Thus making the Stede call back even worse. But I don’t know.

That’s one end of the spectrum of how this scene can be interpreted (Ed shooting Izzy’s leg felt unjustified/uncalled for at this point in the story) now lets turn it around (The ‘Izzy deserved it’ fuck heads)

Lets be 100% clear here.

I view Izzy turning the crew to the English was a catylist, BUT not a cause for them getting captured. Stede was wanted for murder, and would have gotten caught eventually. Hell, the fact Blackbeard was on the ship in S1 was a lucky guess that Chauncy was happy to take advantage of, that IZZY HAD TO SIGN THE ACT OF GRACE to get Ed out of.

Can Ed hold Izzy responsible instead of taking accountability for his own actions? Yes. This episode shows that’s basically how he sees it. But we as fans are basically shown 5 different ways to view Izzy as sympathetic here.

Now: Moving back into the episode (after 500 words of that…damn)--------------

Ricky is so dumb…. I don’t know if I love it or not.

I love ‘Susan’ (Zheng Yi Sao) but have some thoughts. I enjoy her, the way she holds herself like Ed did in episode 3, drawing that parallel. That and her Izzy narrative mirror of a first mate. Also, I hope the Swede and Spanish Jackie have a lovely season. I love them so much.

(Yes! I got to inform the family of the history of the Queen of Pirates. I love what I do. )

One of my favorite crew scenes: Jim and Fang failing to correctly remember the story. I LOVE IT. I agree Archie, Jim trying to help Fang feel better is so fucking GOOD. Mixing the legend of the Monkey’s paw and Pinochio while cleaning up Izzy’s blood is so fucking…much.

Hi another song I have never heard of??? (The whistle one, you will be going to the Ed Izzy divorce playlist)

Ed is pulling a Stede. Running away from every problem forgetting they dont exist. The second something tries to change he snaps. It hurts looking at Frenchie clearly trying to balance his family and Edward’s lack of empathy. I fucking love this episode, and think it’s up there for my favorites. This is a trend that will continue.

EPISODE TWO:

Maybe my favorite piece of writing in ages. Can I just say they are Fucking WILD to call the Izzy/Ed episode ‘Red Flags’????? BECAUSE DEAR GOD

I watched the recap. It’s like, 3 scenes of stede, with Izzy geting shot and the final scene of Zheng Yi Sao.

Classical song in opening: Etude No. 1, Op, 25. Going into the writing playlist.

Buttons sleeping with his feet up, maybe to be close to the sea?

Now. I am going to use this moment to discuss a large criticism I have. The cutaways to scenes from S1. Now, do they feel fast, and awkward, yes. Should the writers trust their audience to tie the call back together? Yes. But for a casual audience I think these scenes are VERY necessary if you haven’t watched the show. I think they should be taken out, but I get why they’re there.

‘Run From Me’ by Timber timbre THIS IS A FUCKING ED/IZZY SONG IN THE SHOW?!?!??!. WE DID IT. WE GOT 1! I don’t see any way how you could tie this is Ed/Stede. A song about the fear of hurting others and needing to always push people away. After last episode??? I fucking… I teared up on rewatch, because FUCK. It’s a scene with Ed playing with the dolls, but Izzy’s presence is right THERE.

OMG OMG OMG- A PIRATE SHIP IS USING THE BELLS SYSTEM TO KEEP TRACK OF SHIFTS????? (Kind of? Not really? She just rang a bell. But just give me this).

Wee john & Buttons, I love you. ‘YES QUEEN!’ I CACKLED! I love the mispronouncing ‘China’ gag.

‘I decided to take a chance on you…because’ Because they’re allies. Stede taking ‘soft’ as a compliment gives me life.

LUCIUS!!!!! I FUCKING LOVE THEM!!! THE ‘OH MY GOD’ CALLBACK!!! THE HAPPY CREW SONG RETURNING??

I love that Stede is immediately like-*the vibes are off. What happened to my boy.* as soon as he sees him

Can I also say, I love that when we transition over to the Revenge, we see it from the front, sailing into frame. It’s such a good shot.

I love that Ed is obviously in a manic period, FUCK. WHAT IF HE WAS CRYING OVER KILLING IZZY??? He wouldn't…but other than that, I can’t see specifically what he was crying about.

‘No more booze, no more drugs, and more importantly, no more Izzy’ WHEN I TELL YOU I GASPED WHEN IT WAS REVEALED IZZY WAS KILLED THE FIRST TIME. God. Not by Ed, because Ed would never, but by FRENCHIE. No wonder they had to edit ‘Stede’ over that in the trailer…

‘The new first mate always kills the old first mate’ - Okay, this bugs me. It’s not that the first mate is killed because ‘it’s law’. First mates were usually picked by their captain, but the Captain was democratically chosen. The first mate is loyal to the captain, as that is their job. The reason the first mate was killed when replaced was because the new Captain feared the old first mate could start a mutiny, and use the friendships built against a new person in power-

OH SHIT. DOES THIS MEANS ED KNEW IZZY WOULD MUTINY???? SO HE ORDERED FRENCHIE TO KILL HIM??

HOLY FUCK! :0

EDWARD YOU CONNIVING LITTLE BASTARD!!!!!

Hi secret passage :) To all the authors who also wrote them as tiny little hallways in the walls, rip. How did no one notice an extra room.

IZZY!!!! MY BOI

God, Izzy just knowing he’s fucked, and wanting to die now before Ed finds out is so fucking GOOD. ‘We just had him asleep’ JIM he’s a 50 year old man fading in and out of sleep due to an infection, not a toddler. I love that Izzy is just…so done. He didn’t expect the crew to help him out 🙁

HELLO OTHER SCENE IN THIS EPISODE I DIDN’T EXPECT TO LOVE-

God. I think my problem with Lucius in fanon was that he was always treated like he was above it all. The therapist. The loving partner. The jokester. But he has actual depth and Nathan is a brillian actor.

Hi Buttons being a sea god. I love that I wrote him as being creature adjacent ages ago. Bro can read Chinese AND got a fun magical ability. I can’t wait for that to pay off.

THE OTHER SCENE I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT. Pissed off Ed being so fucking cheery when confronting Frenchy is so unnerving. Ed isn’t dumb. He knows. He knows the moment he caught Frenchie with that box that he was helping keep Izzy alive but he needed it confirmed. Which Frenchie did.

(This is the point where my bro woke up so I rewatched everything with him)

Dear god. CAN WE CLEAN IZZY? Bandage that leg? ANYTHING?

‘But he’s out dick’ (Jim to Archie about Izzy and why they want to keep him alive) FUCK YEAHHHH!!! I love it, but can we not do this in front of a passed out Izzy?

Oh, the way my gut dropped the first time I saw Ed on the stairway of the secret room. Keep that man away from him.

GOD THE WAY I FUCKING GROANED WHEN OLU MOVED THE SHIPS ON THAT MAP. I am so happy the show is portraying how a flagship of a fleet works!!!

Lucius smocking to relieve stress and sooth his anxiety. All that to not think about what's happened. THAT and Pete being the ‘softer’ partner, gives me life.

Izzy/Ed scene in the hidden room.

HI IZZY! ‘Up in leg heaven’(Ed to Izzy) Does this line read like bad fic? Yes. Good think I write fic and think it's fucking hilarious.

I fucking CHERISH this scene-

‘I dreamt you killed me.’ ‘good for you’ (Ed to Izzy, Izzy to Ed)I FUCKING LOVE YOU IZZY- you are so tired of Ed's shit. I would put the entirety of this scene and every micro expression from Izzy if I could. ALSO ‘Eddie????’’ WHY- FUCKING- THAT WAS A FANFIC LINE AND IT'S MAKING ME SAD :0.

We are so getting a flashback next episode, aren't we? Even if we don't I'm so satisfied seeing the past closeness hinted at in these 3 episodes.

‘Clean up your own mess I’ve been doing it my whole life.’ I fucking LOVE HIM!! Even when he's suffering through an infection he won't let Ed walk all over him. Then Ed gives him his gun. LITERALLY TELLING IZZY TO STILL CLEAN UP THE MESS.

‘I loved you…best I could.’ OH FUCK> OH FUCK!!!!! How did I MISS THAT ON MY FIRST RUN? IZZY/ED CONFIRMED???? THE FUCK???? ED ADMITS THAT HE FUCKING LOVED HIM!!! FUCKING KILL ME. ALSO PAST TENSE! That better be because he thinks Izzy is dead and not that he doesn't love him anymore :(((

I loved Stede mentoring Lucius in talking btw.

‘Save the rest for Pete’ (Stede to Lucius) Aw. Stede can’t be the therapist. I also love that Pete got freaked out. It makes me happy.

I love this whole pre-storm scene. The way we can see Ed adjusting the canon into the mast to blow it down. The general storm vibes. The tension. The way it reads like the fuckery scene in ep 4 with the storm. Ed being steps ahead. But instead of Ed doing something clever he's doing something self destructive.

‘Run From Me’ start playing in the background up again when Lucius' line about being broken and learning to cope. LEADING RIGHT INTO THE STORM SCENE- AHHHH.

The way JIM STOPS ARCHIE FROM FIGHTING. Literally replicating their arc from S1.

THE WAY IZZY SHOOTS ED TO PROTECT THE CREW FROM ED LITGHTING THE CANON WICK. THE FUCKING PAN UP REVEALING IZZY IS ALIVE AND *EMPTY*

‘YOU INDESTRUCTIBLE LITTLE FUCKER’ (Ed to Izzy) THESE TWO I SWEAR TO CHRIST!

GET ‘EM FANG! PROTECT IZZY

God I fucking love this episode. So fucking much. The fact Ed/Izzy divorce has multiple suicide attempts built in makes me feel things. I wouldn’t expect anything else.

==============================================

EPISODE 3

‘I know, it’s been a day!’ (Zheng Yi Sao to Shadow guy)

I love the scene of her bargaining with the guy and think Zheng Yi Sao is going to build a pirate army to take over the Republic. She’s already taken over China. This is just for pride.

GOD I love the scene of Stede going through the ship. Mainly because it lets us see the hallway, and tells me more of the Ship's anatomy but that's not the point.

I don't know how the Crew survived the storm, but DAMN. I'm so proud of all of them working together. We were all right to write fic like that.

Izzy just casually being devalued by Stede and how he just IMMEDIATELY looks to Frenchie. OW. FUCKING OW. Also the way Izzy said 'Bonnet' at the start of this scene makes me so happy.

I ZONED OUT A BIT- FORGOT TO WRITE

Now we’re at the scene of Stede cleaning up the knives. Leading into Izzy and Stede bitching. I love this scene mirroring the one where Izzy tells Stede to ‘plumb the depths’. Because it’s a moment where Izzy tries to be honest to Stede, but it doesn’t work. I FUCKING LOVE THIS SCENE SO MUCH. Izzy holding his tongue just a bit trying to warn Stede. A person he is actively jealous of. Hell, he even takes accountability for his actions. He even tells Izzy a half truth that they didn’t kill Ed.

IZZY IS FUCKING TRYING. BUT STEDE IS TOO STUBORN!!!! Why does Izzy always need to be the voice of reason, it’s bad for him :( He needs someone to treat him seriously.

I love that Hornigold has all of Ed’s mannerisms from the start. That and all of Hornigolds memories are what Ed remembers about the things he hated about the man (the crab thing)

Is it sad that Ed is excited to live a normal life, but his gut(Hornigold) tells him not to be so naïve? Yeah. But I’m mad at him, so give me a day.

I love Izzy in the jail scene. ALSO WHY IS FRENCHY LEANING THAT CLOSE TO IZZY-HELLO?? Izzy crying, closing his eyes. Not able to keep Ed safe because he still tried SO HARD to keep his body semi stable. They think he’s probably dead, and Izzy still keeps his corpse safe. EVEN AFTER ANYTHING. HE STILL LOVES HIM! :D D:

This is where the Pirate Queen isn’t fun anymore for me. I liked her, but then she threatened Olu if he said no?? I don’t like it! Especially as it seems Olu didn't get the hint.

The escape overall is very fucking sweet. Especially Izzy shushing people. I makes me happy :)- Also Buttons being a good first mate and giving orders as soon as they touch deck.

I’M SORRY- IZZY THNAKING STEDE I saw it the first time, and freaked out, but the second?? DEAR GOD! I fucking love him. Give this man a hug.

Also! I think the Mermaid scene is my 'Ohh Daddy' from S1. It’s a bit.. .much, I like the metaphor a lot. Eh. I don't know. I think they should have blured out Stede's face a bit with water. Reveal it's REALLY Stede when he gets closer. Hide the budget a but more or do a far away shot vs up close. Pretty but just a bit off.

ALSO: IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE Ep 3 POST CREDIT SCENE DO-AS I’M SPOILING IT. As a person who is writing a ‘cured object’ thing for this fandom… watch this undo like, 40k of my own words. Please let Izzy be a bit of a skeptic but he generally follows the vibes cause ‘legends’ ALSO murder lesbians!! ALSO IZZY/STEDE woops, sorry, IZZY & STEDE FRIENDSHIP ARC!!!

SO FINAL THOUGHTS:

Things I didn’t like:

Dislike how we glosses over the discussion of a poly/open relationship for Oluwande and Jim. They both thought eachother were dead, so it doesn’t give me the ick as I bet some will. But the way Jim joked about it still felt wrong.

Glossing over Lucius’ trauma a bit with the puppet joke. I found it a bit in poor taste.

The fact Izzy is on the episode ‘cover’ for episode 3 on Max, revealing he didn’t kill himself in ep2. I forgot about it midway in, but remembered it on rewatch. Like? IDK

The lack of content warnings, I get it, but damn the suicidal ideation stuff +mania episode+ abuse hit hard.

It went by a bit quick, but they wrote themselves in a corner. The slow building dread of Ed being a dick, vs Stede just working at Jackie's to get money. So they started when everything was falling apart. AND they need to get The Queen and the Prince established. Judging by the next few episodes, hopefully it will slow down. I prefer this to skipping those things, obviously. But I was much more interested in Ed’s side of the story than Stede's.

Things I do like/Standouts:

Hi Con O’Neill. Can you start paying rent the way you live in my head? Seriously, every scene Izzy is in he steals it. I assume people are a bit peeved that Izzy is getting more attention than Olu&Frenchie&Jim & whatever other character a person likes. But I really think they sewed it in well. Seriously, it’s heartbreaking, and everything I could have asked for. I Love Every Delivery. I see these episodes as enough to turn people slightly sympathetic if they were haters of Izzy before.

ALSO: IZZY SAVING THE CREW. Putting himself in danger FIRST so he doesn't hurt anyone? Jim immediately seeing this and trusting him in the future. I can’t wait to see friendship bloom between him and the crew. That and Izzy's own self destructive habits get broken down as he learns to respect himself outside of hierarchy and Ed. Yes, even like this I want to fuck that man.

Stede- I enjoy that he seems more comfortable with the crew. Especially Pete and Buttons. I don’t have much to say, but I hope this new Izzy training episode means he’ll learn to trust Izzy. Not too much to say, but that's a good thing! Here soon instead of Ed being the focus of the 'deal with this' stick it will go to Stede 'I'm the captain :(' Bonnet

BUTTONS OH MY GOD- My favorite head canon became canon babes!!! I love it. I’m here for it. He's having a lovely time.

ALSO FRENCHIE!!! Hi babes! I missed you being a clever badass! I'm happy Ed didn't stab you.

Them taking Ed’s issues seriously. We got hints of addiction/abusive behavior last season, but they took that and ran with it. Add that to self destrictive behavior that scales up with every scene. Plus the one line from Lucius about how some people can’t be fixed…good stuff, I like how we're handling mental health. I’m not happy with him, but we have time. Taika clearly had fun. I also see myself in his mania and self-sabotaging behavior (non violent, but still wish washy moods for my part)

That and Izzy/Ed being what it is… I believe that Ed genuinely loves Izzy the only way he can, but it’s not enough. He can’t love Izzy the way he needs. Ed needs to apologize, obviously. I won’t be able to forgive him ‘till then. I don’t think Izzy should until he’s able to pull away from him a bit.

Let's just say I can't wait till next week when we get lesbians and one of my favorite tropes.

(@ing mutuals I know have seen it that I would love to yell with @gydima @born-on-a-beach-teach @treesofgreen BUT do feel free to shout down below!!!)

#izzy hands #edward teach #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 ep 1 #ofmd s2 ep 2 #ofmd s2 ep 3 #our flag means death season 2 #I have a lot of feelings man #I can't wait to see what everyone thinks

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residentraccoon · 8 months ago

Text

Ok we have all the songs, time to make a top, with comments even 😳

1. Norway - I love love love this one, this eerie, thrilling melody mixed with the medieval theme and old norwegian language just makes this song perfect and no other song of this year can come any closer to it. Very unique, true to their homeland, absolute masterpiece. I'm definitely following more of Gåte's discography from now on!

2. Estonia - Well they're singing about drugs here and this song is exactly like a drug - addictive. What sells it is their awesome, slightly batshit crazy energy (I absolutely love it) and let's not forget the traditional instruments. I can see a Trenulețul scenario with this one tbh.

3. Slovenia - Absolutely magical, the structure of this song is pretty uncommon and the lil RRAH sounds are interesting, love how it takes a while to build-up and I just get chills all over. This one is a piece of art.

4. San Marino - This song is destroying my Spotify wrapped and it's not even funny, there's something about this one that makes it instantly addictive. I've listened to Megara since last year when they were at Spain's NF with Arcadia and all I can say is that I love their style. Sassy pink and punk rock with a touch of Spanish traditional sounds during the bridge, they just mesh together so well. I don't understand why it's so underrated (currently last in the odds lmfao) and I'm looking forward to their live performance.

5. Denmark - Generic pop song my beloved, why is it so catchy though? I've said it in a previous post, I just reminds me of songs I'd hear in 2013 or so and I love the "Oh-Oh" parts. Lovely

6. Lithuania - The beat hits, it's just awesome fr. Lovely staging and colors, Lithuanian sounds so pretty and melodic as well as his voice.

7. Belgium - Wonderful build-up, the song at first sounds very chill and gives me Blanche vibes (I looked it up and they have the same composer so not surprised lmao) but man, the climax is greaaaaat!! Especially with that choir in the backing. My only gripe would be that he keeps repeating the title over and over again, which can become a bit tiring. But just a bit. It's still a great song!

8. Switzerland - I don't know whose idea was to mix opera and drum n bass together but they're a genius, this is really cool, like absolutely nuts. I love how the bridge is very soft and quiet, opposing the loud and dramatic chorus, I feel like the song itself is pretty messy and inconsistent but I really like that, it's very out of the box and innovative. Genius entry.

9. Latvia - Underrated, I can see why it might fail to grab an audience in the fandom but I really like this one, especially his voice. The song flows nicely too, I only wish the staging would be a bit more...dynamic though? I really want Latvia to qualify for once, felt like it might have a chance since it could attract some casual viewers (some of my casual friend watchers really liked it!) but seeing how brutal semifinal 2 is (and one spot will be inevitably taken by...yeah won't elaborate) I'm afraid Latvia's out for this year as well. I hope at least for a surprise or who knows. That's only how I feel at this moment.

10. Spain - My biggest grower of this year and a total banger, I don't understand why it slaps so hard it has no business to, the message is SO real and it's so unapologetically sassy.

11. Czechia - Same story as with Latvia, underrated to hell and back, I know the live version is...a lil terrible but the studio one I really like. Love how you can feel the frustration through her shouty lyrics and how she's blaming herself for not loving herself more instead (also the beginning might or might not remind me of Aijā I mean the intro with the drums makes me think of it-) ANYWAY

12. Croatia - Listen I'm very happy for Croatia being seen as a most likely winner of this year, they deserve it, Baby Lasagna is an amazing man and the message is on point, even if it's not exactly my favorite I definitely root for him!! Please meow back if you agree. Besides this, the glam ethno rock sound is just 👌 chef's kiss

13. Armenia - Love love love that they brought something ethnic!! The girl's energy is infectious and she's such a joy to watch, the music video is very pretty and describes their culture so well, overall I adore this.

14. Netherlands - GREAT I relistened to it so I can rank it and now I have Europapapapapapa stuck in my head how wonderful. This tells me already that this is such an infectious bop that will never leave your head. Possible televote winner, love the quirkiness and Joost is really goofy we stan.

15. Greece - Welcome to Greece, everyone who visits the country is obligated to listen to this the moment they step out of the plane- /j It's so Greek, so fun, so ethnic, geez what's happening with everyone being so diverse and true to their culture this year? This song screams summer vacation in Greece and I'm here for it.

16. France - The raw emotions in this...he sings with his heart and soul, his voice is very deep and gruff which feels a bit unusual to hear such an intimate and emotional ballad from him, but this is what makes the song special.

17. Italy - Love her attitude and how she sells the song, it's very sassy and fun, won't be surprised to see Italy get yet another Top 5 finish with this.

18. Ukraine - Interesting mix of melancholic pop and energetic chanting and rap. Alyona just nails the rap part perfectly. Overall nice song, grew off me but still great.

19. Ireland - This makes me have chills all over my body. It's very haunting and suspenseful, I love the uncommon unique sound and how they recite the lyrics as they are a poem/creating a curse, I simply love how avant-garde Ireland are this year! Finally they're taking a risk and even if the song is unconventional i hope it will have a following that will help them get through the semi! 🤞

20. Poland - Oh look another grower, it's such a cute song for some reason and her voice is so pleasant to the ears.

21. Serbia - At first I thought it's a bit boring but now I find myself mumbling "Lila Ramondaaaa", like it has a hook even if it's a melancholic ballad.

22. Portugal - The emotions in this are immaculate, she conveys all her struggles in life so well into a ballad that's somewhat soft-sounding. Epic.

23. Australia - For some reason this song takes me back to 2015-2016 and I don't get why?? Maybe I heard music that's similar to this in that period, who knows. That chorus slaps immensely, as well as the didgeridoo(I hope that's the instrument), but I'm not extremely head over heels about it. It's enjoyable still!

24. Malta - Contrary to popular belief I enjoyed the revamp, she made it easier to sing live and it just has more oomph, good job, Malta.

25. Finland - The whole 3 minutes are absolutely batshit insane and I love it fr, these dudes are a delight to watch. The song tbh I like it but not that much to rank it higher, but I appreciate the craziness, the message, what sells it is definitely the staging and the guys' stage persona.

26. Austria - Mmmmm I know it's a fan favorite but I'm not a big fan of this, like I've said before in some other posts. The hype at first was highly irritating (especially on twitter, dear god 💀) for such a...just okay/good song? First of all I appreciate the throwback to the late 90s/early 00s eurodance/synthpop music that was popular back then, I think it does a great job imitating the vibes of it, but at the same time is it just me or this song feels so...calculated and has this eurovision-specific formula in its structure/sound? It was definitely made for it being performed live and to pander to the yass queen slay ate and left no crumbs-side of the fandom? Which honestly kinda drags it down a lot for me.

27. Sweden - I can't unhear parts of Air in this, well actually that's their style, neat electro pop tbh, I can bop to this, pretty enjoyable.

28. Moldova - Falls flat but what makes it a bit stronger is the vocalisations in the chorus, as well as the lil ethnic sounds. That drum is also quite catchy. They have to pull out a wonder-staging for this to qualify.

29. Georgia - If Georgia isn't qualifying with this one then that means their only hope is borrowing Loreen at this point. It's a competent girl bop with powerful vocals, that has a dedicated following, but I appreciate that even if it's a girl bop it's not so aggressively in your face like...other examples I've seen before. I'm personally not big on it, but it's nice.

30. Azerbaijan - Oh? Azerbaijan sends something in their language, what is this 2050? And not with a melfest reject? For the 2nd year in a row? I'm very impressed, but even with all these I don't feel that attached to the song, just glad they took a risk instead of renting a swede for safe qualification like they did in the past years. I love the ethnic touches though.

31. Luxembourg - Cute and peppy french bop, although a bit generic and that's about it, no strong feelings.

32. Cyprus - Mmm your regular girlie pop of the year, unsurprisingly from Cyprus as well. Pretty catchy, has a cool vibe but I'm not feeling anything about it.

33. United Kingdom - Just a competent mid-tempo boy bop, honestly nothing much to say since it kinda failed to impress me. Good effort though.

34. Albania - I don't get why they changed it into english, why they turned it more upbeat (I liked the balladier version more) and the rap part feels disjointed. Albania wanted to relive their 2016-2017 era I see.

35. Germany - I'm sorry but this song bores me to death and can't listen to it without zoning out which is a shame because he's a competent singer (his voice is the best thing about Germany this year) and I'm afraid they're again heading for a bottom 3 finish 💀

36. Iceland - Mmm this isn't is, Iceland. Very sorry. Sounds like it would get 13th in 2004, it's a very by-the-letters eurodance.

I will not rank Israel here. It's still mind-boggling that they're still allowed to participate.

#txt

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