#if i try to talk to them I'll just annoy them' disease

[nintendont2502]

How tf do people just. Make friends with their mutuals. How

[mytheoristavenue]

Incel!Gyutaro who has to hear about all your sexual conquests and short lived relationships. He always rolls his eyes at how nonchalantly you talk about break ups. Until one day, you come to his dorm absolutely distraught. A guy you'd really liked was cheating on you and then he dumped you.

"Jeez, I don't think I've ever seen you cry." He sneers at first, annoyed by being interrupted from his super important game. Then he notices that your hair is messed and you make up looks old. You're always put together so this was a major red flag. "Hey, wait, you're not actually that upset are you?"

All it takes is a nod for him to pull you into his chest, hold you against him. The gesture is so sweet, you can ignore the stale scent of his overworn shirt. "Listen, don't let that fucking chud get you down okay? You dodged a bullet, he probably has a fucking disease."

You tell him you genuinely liked this one and he softens up, petting your hair as he pulls you into his lap. "I know you did..." He sighs. "Don't know why you did but I know you did."

You cry to him for hours, letting him just hold you. You feel bad, knowing he likes you and that your forcing him into an awkward situation. You consider apologizing when you notice he's on his phone. Is he even listening?

It's then that you realize, he's on your ex's Instagram, stalking it, sending him ominous texts from a burner account that read like "Careful getting into your car after you get out of the gym." And "How's it going (full government name), (social security number) who lives at (full adress) with (list of roommates by full government names)?"

You can't help but smile. At his core, Gyutaro is sweet. Very creepy and likely to commit an act of mass violence if he doesn't get laid soon, but sweet none the less, at least to you.

"Don't sweat it, babe," He says, brows furrowed as he tosses his phone to hold you tighter. "No matter how these smooth brained douchebags treat you, I'll always be here for you."

"You really care about me, don't you?" You finally ask, tearing up, trying to bat them away.

"I guess so." He shrugs nonchalantly. "No other girl I'd do this shit for 'cept for Ume."

When had he becomes so cool? Since when could he make you feel anything other than pride when you teased him?

You softened further, hugging back even tighter, beginning to to cry again, abusing the leverage you had over him to make yourself feel better. He didn't mind that much, that was your dynamic.

"Shhh, it's okay, babe. I got you now."

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi, i'm fourteen and i have this friend who asked me if i wanted to try eating her out. not a girlfriend, a friend. i don't have any feelings for her but i do think she's gorgeous and she's probably the best friend i have and the most mature 14 year old i know. i trust her a lot. im definitely not opposed to trying to give her head, either. i'm just worried it might be a bad idea, and i'm anxious that i won't do it right and she won't even feel good. i definitely don't want to have sex this early but does giving someone else head even count as real sex? she wouldn't really be touching me at all, except for she did say she'd want us to make out before i did it, though i'm not entirely sure why, but i am okay with it. i'm also worried about, like, STDs, because i've never been with another person like... sexually, i've kissed other people but i haven't in a while. but i think she might have done stuff with people? i don't know how recently. like... i don't know, do you think this is a really bad idea and we're too young or is this fine? how do you even eat someone out, like, what do you do? sorry if this is annoying i just really need an adult to ask about this and it's not like i can ask my parents since i'm not really supposed to do this.

hi anon,

thank you for asking! I'm really grateful to be an adult that you trust enough to talk with about stuff like this. it's not annoying, and I'll do the best I can to give a helpful answer based on everything you've told me.

I think maybe, in your case, this might not be a great idea right now. it sounds like there's a lot about this situation that makes you nervous in a way that's not fun - the kind of nerves that come from being excited to connect with a new person are one thing, but I'm hearing much more anxiety than excitement in the way you're talking about this.

oral sex (using your mouth) definitely counts as real sex - it's definitely not just putting a penis in a vagina! - and can be just as intimate and emotionally complicated as any other kind of sexual expression. you said you don't want to be having sex at your age - which is totally normal, and completely your choice to make! - and that includes oral sex as well, so maybe it's best if you sit this one out for the time being.

I want to be super clear that I'm not saying this out of any sense that no people your age should be sexual; I think wanted sexual exploration between young teens can be a great way to start exploring sexuality and finding what feels good! but that doesn't mean that every teenager has to be having sex, or that they're immature if they don't. people are ready to explore sex at lots of different ages (and some people never do at all), and none of them are weird or wrong. you could feel totally different in ten years, one year, a month, or even a week, but right now you don't feel ready, and what you feel right now is what's most important.

holding off until you've had time to learn more about sex may also help, because every situation is less scary when you feel more prepared. (it's why they make you spend so many godforsaken hours practicing driving before you can take the test to get your license.) in the spirit of learning, I want to share some resources about some of the things you had questions/concerns about.

this page on Planned Parenthood's website talks about lots of different kinds of sexually transmitted infections (STIs, also frequently called sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs), including how they're spread and how to treat them. I don't want to make STIs sound scary - I recently wrote a whole post about how they really shouldn't be! - but because it is important to know what risks there are if you plan to be sexually active so that you can do your best to minimize those risks, and what to do if someone does catch an STI. an important thing to remember is that, at your age, it might be difficult for you or your friend to get tested for STIs without help from your parents, which may be awkward and unpleasant or totally impossible if you're unable to tell them why you need a test in the first place. that's an important factor in deciding whether or not to have sex!

additionally, here's some info about dental dams, which are basically condoms for oral sex - they're a flat piece of latex, like a condom that got rolled out, that goes between the mouth and the hole.

and to help with your question about how going down even works, I recommend this video by sexologist Dr. Lindsey Doe. you won't be seeing any real genitals in this video, although there is a drawing and some nude Barbies, and you'll probably want to listen with headphones unless you're alone. there are also links to more of Dr. Doe's videos on the topic.

and lastly, for more thinking about this topic, I want to direct you to Scarleteen's answer to help figure out when you're ready to start having sex, which is very good on its own and has links to some other good reading on the topic. Scarleteen is a great resource specifically designed and run to help answer teenagers' questions about sex without judgment, and I recommend them very heavily.

I hope that this has been useful, and helps you feel empowered to make whatever decision is best for you.

[kkongdakz]

“ YOU'RE SICK? ” ft. ot9

synopsis : their reactions when you're sick but you don't want to tell them.

ot9 x gn!reader, genre : fluff, warning : reader is sick, wc : 1.378k

you didn't expect the door to your apartment to suddenly open to reveal a distraught kim jiwoong. watching him with your questioning eyes, over the very warm plaid that covered your entire body despite this beautiful summer day, the man approached you to place his hand against your forehead. « you're back early today. » you noted, as jiwoong got rid of his jacket, coming to slide against you, « your colleague told me you were sick, so i took the rest of my work day to come and take care of you. why you didn't call me? » camouflaging yourself in your blanket again, coughing until your lungs burst, your boyfriend's arms went around your waist. « because i'm fine. and you didn't have to so that. but i won't deny that i'm happy you're here. » — and the smile on his lips suddenly cured all your diseases.

lying on your bed, you sighed as you heard your phone ring, displaying zhang hao's name on your screen. it had to be said, that ignoring all his calls of the day was probably not your best idea. but your loss of voice prevents you from talking to him, and you didn't want to tell him because you didn't want to worry him. but it seems that it was all for nothing, when you saw the message you had just received : “you're sick and you didn't tell me?” — you were convinced that your friend must have told him without realizing it. so, when you told him that yes, you were sick but that it was okay, you didn't have to wait long to get an answer from him. “i'll be there in a bit.” wasn't the answer you expected but at least, being in his company even without speaking was not unpleasant.

« what are you doing here? » was the only thing you said when you saw sung hanbin at your doorstep. he didn't look very happy, but he seemed mostly worried and concerned. « you didn't answer my messages, so i called your mother.. » rolling your eyes at his statement, a long sigh left your lips before he spoke again, « why didn't you tell me you were sick? », « it's nothing serious, just a cold. » — but your answer was not enough for him, so he approached you, placing a hand against your forehead, and suddenly his eyes became like marbles. « are you kidding me? you are boiling with fever ! », « hanbin, i can- » — but you didn't have time to say anything more, because he was already in your kitchen, ready to prepare the best soup of your life.

« what are you doing on my sofa? » you say as you enter your living room, coming face to face with seok matthew. your boyfriend left his initiated place to approach you, placing a hand on your forehead, « they were not lying, you are indeed sick. why didn't you call me? » shrugging, you slid into his arms, tucking your head against his chest, « i didn't want to worry you. » a smile spread across his face as he wrapped your frail body around his, keeping you warm. the boy placed a kiss on the top of your head, mechanically and tenderly rubbing your back from bottom to top, « i'll take care of you from now on, okay? » — and you can't resist his smile, so even if you don't want him to get sick too, you end up accepting and staying close to him.

as you picked up the phone in your half asleep state, you were surprised to hear kim taerae's voice on the other line. « why didn't you tell me you weren't coming because you were sick? » trying to stay awake to answer him, you yawned into the phone while rubbing your eyes, « i'm sorry, i was just smeared and tired, it's nothing serious. i promise. » you could hear him sighing through the phone, and you could already imagine his half-aggrieved face. he may have been annoyed, but he was still responsible, with common sense, « get some rest and call me when you wake up, i'll come and take care of you, okay? » obeying his words, you complied and took long hours of sleep, while he wisely waited for you to contact him.

sometimes shen ricky can really be too dramatic, and today was one of those days. especially when you faced your boyfriend with a complete stranger on your doorstep. « who's that? » you asked, in a rather disturbed voice, « my doctor. » he replied, coming up to you to kiss your cheek. « you didn't tell me you were sick, so i brought a doctor to check it out. » sighing as you pinch the bridge of your nose, ready to kick him out, you finally let them in, knowing full well that ricky wouldn't let go until he knew exactly what you had. « thank you sir, have a nice day. » — closing the door behind the doctor, you approached your boyfriend to gently hit his arm, under his amused look. then he drew you against him, hanging his warm jacket on your shoulders, « next time at least, you will tell me directly. »

kim gyuvin was the most unpredictable boy you knew, but the fact that he was currently knocking at your window in the middle of the night, was something even more unpredictable than usual. when you opened the latter to let him in, he practically threw himself on you to observe you from all sides, « are you okay? on a scale of 1 to 10, how much pain are you in? » looking at him with soft eyes, you gently pushed his arms before whispering, « see. that's why i didn't tell you i was sick. » a pout painted his lips as he reached into his backpack and pulled out a box and some medicine — a hot chicken soup from his mother. « since you're not that sick, i guess i can go back home with this? » you grabbed the soup before sitting down at your desk, followed by a particularly clingy gyuvin. « you'll end up sick too if you don't leave. », « don't care. cuddling you is more important. » and that's what he did.

you didn't expect to open the door of your home to find park gunwook. « why are you here? » you say with a raised eyebrow, hiding your face in your sweatshirt three times too big for you, « the fact that you didn't want to see me today seemed suspicious. i understand why now. » — the boy didn't give you time to answer, as he pushed you back inside, greeting your mother before accompanying you to the living room. there, he wrapped you in a blanket and drew you against him, kissing your forehead burning with fever. « you are really sick, it was really weird that you suddenly said "leave me alone" to me. » a scoff left your mouth, before snuggling into the blanket, almost disappearing from his view. « i didn't want you to get sick by staying with me. », « don't worry. i'm strong and robust, i'll be okay. » — only that to have him get sick right after you.

with a lollipop in his mouth, han yujin was at the door of your room. raising an eyebrow at him, he handed you a small pink bag, « here. » — taking it between your fingers, you observed its contents : medication and a notebook. « you weren't in class, so i asked your friends and they told me you were sick. why didn't you tell me? » sighing to try to hide your shy smile, you shrugged and placed the bag on your desk, while yujin sat on the edge of your bed. « it's nothing serious. just a cold and a vital need to sleep for a whole day. » a scoff left his lips, as he fell backwards onto your mattress, « great. sleeping is my favorite activity. »

·˚ ༘ taglist (fill out this form to be added to the taglist) : @iram5shaikh_ @annoyingbitch83 @kpoprhia @invuwrld @watamotee33 @ilovechanhee

[jebewonmorelike]

He's Doing The Thing Again

wc: 1.2k warnings: angst, but it's so not serious; fluffy fluff pronouns: n/a; none used summary: junhyeon gets jealous when he sees your bp voting certificate ~bp masterlist~ ♡ ~kofi (no pressure at all)~ hi hi hi here's a drama king junhyeon drabble... he's only 5 so i think we can let the behavior slide

"Give me that," Junhyeon says, reaching to take the bottle of ketchup you're struggling with out of your hands.

You pull it back. "I've got it."

He snorts. "You absolutely do not. You're so cute, but your weak little fingers are so useless."

"Okay, rude," you reply with a huff, but you surrender the bottle to Junhyeon anyway. He was right: it was either your pride or ketchup. And you needed ketchup.

Junhyeon screws off the cap with ease, passing it back to you to drown your burger in. But just as you're about to squeeze, a faint alarm starts to sound.

"Is that your phone, babe?" A concerned look crosses Junhyeon's face as he lowers his voice to a whisper. "Do you need to take medicine or something? Are you okay? Did you develop a disease while I was gone and not want to burden me with it?"

You pick up your phone, reading the name of the alarm:

VOTE FOR BOYS PLANET

You hold up your phone so Junhyeon can read the name of the alarm from across the table and then hit 'stop'. He grins back at you and takes a sip of his Coke.

"Way more important than any secret disease honestly. You better get on that immediately."

You nod, giggling. "You're right. I'll do it now so I don't forget."

Opening the Mnet app on your phone, you quickly pull up the voting screen and start scrolling through the various contestants. Your boyfriend stands up from his seat and slides into your side of the booth, gently tugging your phone towards him and placing it flat on the table in between both of you.

"What are you doing?" You ask with a laugh, praying your cheeks don't noticeably redden as he snakes his arm around your waist and pulls you in closer to him.

"This is exciting! I haven't been here to watch you vote for me in person. I need to see it with my own eyes," he explains ecstaticly, his leg bouncing up and down a bit with anticipation.

You bite your lip, suppressing a grin at Junhyeon's entirely contagious energy. "Okay, okay. Watch away."

As you resume your scrolling, you can feel the blush you were dreading spread across your cheeks as Junhyeon stares at the side of your face rather than the screen-- playing sweetly with the hem of your shirt. Not so carefully, you finish selecting the three boys you're voting for today and hit confirm, proving that you're not a robot and turning down the volume of your phone when the annoying ad starts to play.

"Yay, all done!" Your announcement reminds Junhyeon to finally turn his attention away from you and towards the phone screen. You feel your body temperature start to return to normal.

"Look at my love voting for--," Junhyeon starts, absolutely beaming with pride. But he soon cuts himself off, his eyebrows furrowing as he picks up your phone and brings it closer to his face to examine it. After a moment, he continues, "...Gunwook."

You look up at him with confusion. "What?"

"Gunwook," he repeats softly.

You observe him now, the pout forming on his lips and the forlorn look in his eyes. "Baby, why are you saying Gunwook?"

"BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!" The exclamation is paired with the sudden folding of his arms on the table and his head thumping down atop them. The dramatic display clamors your silverware loudly and you smile nervously at the onlookers in the booth across from you.

"Hyeonni!" You whisper-shout at him, trying to pry him back upright to no avail. "What are you talking about? Of course I still love you!"

He groans loudly, causing the people at the booth across from you to glance over again. You smile and nod apologetically, now resorting to softly but rapidly hitting your boyfriend's back to get him to stop.

"Junhyeon, please! Stop making a scene, baby."

He sits up at that, sinking back into the booth with his arms folded across his chest. "You never let me make a scene," he says, sulking to the nth degree. Mumbling, he adds, "Bet you'd let Wookie make a scene."

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, trying to maintain your composure at your boyfriend who was always willing to demonstrate his dramatic acting chops no matter the location.

When you open your eyes, you reach for your phone to text your friend the phrase you so often texted her: he's doing the thing again.

You're stopped in your tracks, however, when you see your Boys Planet voting certificate still open on your phone screen. Your eyebrows raise as you see the list of trainees you'd chosen while very clearly distracted by your boyfriend's affection. Listed in order of chosen first to last, the certificate reads:

Park Gunwook. Zhang Hao. Kum Junhyeon.

"Oh my god! Hyeonni... I'm really sorry," you relent, turning towards him and meeting his eyes.

He sighs dejectedly. "It's fine, just invite me to the wedding I guess."

You hit him playfully and laugh, latching onto his arm and cuddling up to him in the restaurant booth. "Baby, of course I was going to choose you first. And I always vote Gunwook third. But you completely sabotaged my voting process with your charm. I haven't seen you in awhile-- you should have know I would be more susceptible to it! When you really examine the whole situation, it does seem to be your fault..."

He sits up abruptly, grabbing both of your shoulders and grinning from ear to ear. "So you DO still love me!?"

"Of course I still love you!" You exclaim, reaching up to pull his cute cheeks closer to you so you can kiss each of them.

You could swear you see a light blush color Junhyeon's face as he smiles affectionately back at you. "Waaaaah! I was really my own downfall there. And to think I was considering making a scene..."

You roll your eyes at the crazy person that is your boyfriend.

Junhyeon is visibly swelling with pride as he affirms, "But your boyfriend's irresistible charm kept you from voting him first like you always do."

You laugh nervously. "Um... Exactly, Hyeonni..."

"Let me see the rest of your voting certificates! I want to see one with me listed first," he says, quickly snatching your phone from your hand to open your photos.

"Junhyeon, wait!" You warn, but your effort is futile. You watch as he scrolls through weeks of your voting certificates and, though you know the upsetting data they contain, his smile doesn't fade.

It's somehow even more concerning than watching it fade.

Finally, Junhyeon puts your phone back down on the table. He stares blankly at your dinner plate for a few moments before he quietly and carefully speaks. "So when you said that I messed up your voting order... what you meant is that I kept you from voting Zhang Hao first."

You wince. "I don't vote him first every day! I vote you first more than half of the time, baby-- you saw that! I have a... very specific rotation."

"OH, COME ON!" Junhyeon cries, his whole upper body collapsing back onto the table with a thud.

You pick up your phone and dial a familiar number, hearing it click and not even waiting for a hello to speak:

"Hi. He's doing the thing again..."

[rinarin01]

Safe place—Chuuya Nakahara x Female Reader

"You're my favorite place to go to when ny mind searches for peace."

a/n: where reader is actually a part of chuuya and dazai's 'double black' and is the calmest and most reserved out of them. Enjoy a bit of a soft chuuya!

(P.S the three of you are 16 years old here and relationship is completely platonic!)

A normal day for me was hearing my two co-workers bickering back and forth. Hearing never ending arguments from the two of them was tiring and not to mention annoying— but I get a good laugh from it time to time. So when I hear nothing but complete silence from our shared office, I was a bit skeptical.

'It's way too quiet..—' you thought, but quickly shrugging afterwards. At least you could have a peaceful afternoon without their usual bickering. You sighed as you plopped down your office chair, stretching your limbs and hearing satisfying pops after. You stared at the cloudless sky, painted with the colors orange and soft red, through the large window residing on the office. You yawned quietly, tapping your fingers gently on the desk and enjoying the calming view.

But your short paradise was immediately bought to an end when the door slammed open and closed. You flinched as you see a very upset Chuuya. You raise your eyebrow, Chuuya was never that upset. He was always angry but he has never looked that genuinely distressed before.

"Chuuya? What happened?" You say softly, standing up and gently touching his shoulder. He seemed to shoot up, not expecting me to be here.

"[Name], god I've been searching all over for you." He exhales, you could see a bit of frustration from his eyes and it made you worry.

"Why? What happened?" You say, concern written all over your face as you squeeze his shoulder for comfort. Chuuya didn't seem to respond to your touch as he continued to fume with anger as he paces back and forth. You take a step back, waiting for an explanation.

"It's Dazai— ugh! He doesn't know when to stop with his teasings! It's f*cking irritating! It's like he wants me to be embarrassed infront of— ugh!" He replies, completely frustrated and annoyed. He was absolutely furious at Dazai.

You sigh as you walk closer to Chuuya, with him contuing to rant about how he angry he was feeling, I gently grabbed his hand and pulled him in a hug. He unsurprisingly fought back for several minutes before giving in— you were quite stronger than he thought.

You smiled as you rocked him back and forth like a toddler, "Are you trying to embarrass me too?! I'm not a child—!"

"I'm sorry for Dazai, he's just a bit.. comfortable with teasing you since you're one of the few people who can actually keep up with his personality. He cares for you and appreciates you but just doesn't want to admit it." You chuckle slightly.

"Tsk, I doubt he does." Chuuya grumbles, his chin resting on your shoulder unwillingly. As you continued to hug him, he seems to relax more and more.

"He does, he cares for you as much as I do for you. He just doesn't like to be obvious about it." You explain calmly. After several minutes, Chuuya's anger seemed to wash away because of your presence, he sighs and stiffly hugs back.

"Seriously.. I can never be angry around you. Your calmness always infects me." He grumbles, emitting a small laugh from you.

"You talk as if I'm a disease or something." You reply, patting his back softly before breaking the hug.

"I'll talk to Dazai about this okay?"

"I—

The door slams open and a certain brunette, dressed in all black entered. Speak of the devil. Dazai seemed to pause as he notices you two close to each other.

"oh? Am I interru—

"Dazai." I sigh disappointingly. The brunette seemed to stand straight at the mention of his name with that tone. Safe to say, he ended up apologizing, and the two of them hugged (actually, you pushed Dazai to Chuuya and forced him to give him a small hug or else he wouldn't get free dinners from you anymore.)

[rippersz]

Miranda Priestly and f Reader. Reader gets in between an altercation between Miranda and Stephen. She later tells Miranda "I'll never let anyone talk to you like that again"

𝙰 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝙸𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚞𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗

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════ ⋆★⋆ ════════ ⋆★⋆ ════

(Fem!Reader x Miranda Priestly) (Pining) (TW: Abusive language)

════ ⋆★⋆ ════════ ⋆★⋆ ════

“Oh give me a break! You don’t have to make up excuses to try and salvage my ego, Miranda!”

The minute you walked in, you knew something was wrong.

The townhouse air in the evening was usually still and quiet, but the stomping footsteps on the second floor provided a tension that made you pause in the foyer. Stephen was home, you realized. His weird manly cologne filled your lungs, nearly bringing tears to your eyes with how strong it was. Almost a year as Miranda’s assistant, spending time around her husband at least once or twice, and you still couldn’t get used to his smell. Probably because every little thing about Stephen was either utterly boring or terribly annoying. Emily said it was both, but she only expressed that when he called so frequently that Miranda told her to instantly send them to voicemail. ‘If he has something important to say, he’ll leave a message’ but every time he did, it was just a stream of complaints.

If you were in his shoes, something you didn’t think about often because why would you, then you knew you wouldn’t take her attention for granted. She gave it when she could and a loving partner would understand that, and such understanding would lead to a lack of tension, and a lack of tension would result in more of her recognition. Or that’s what you thought. Again- not that you thought about it frequently of course - cuz that would just be silly and unrealistic and strange because she was your boss and she was the most emotionally unavailable woman you knew and even though she loved her daughters, her love for her partners was different and-

“I can’t go one day without them shooting looks at me- like- like I’m some dog! Probably wondering where my keeper is!” His voice echoed upon every floor, making you wince as you slid the Book into its assigned place.

Evidently, they hadn’t heard you come in. They should have been expecting you; at least Miranda should have, but it was easy to lose track of time during the winter months. It seemed to move so quickly, with a prime example being that it was 11:20 on the dot once you got there. Miranda had to attend a small dinner party at 9, so she eventually returned home at 10:30. Not the worst timing for a Friday night, but if Stephen had been ranting from the very moment she stepped in, well then you had no doubt she was tired. Too tired to argue perhaps as you barely heard her murmured response.

“We can discuss this in the morning. It’s late.” She sounded worn. It made your heart ache as you looked up at the ceiling, momentarily debating if you should stay or leave.

“Oh yeah? Just so you can escape back into your job to try and distract yourself from the real issues? Stop acting like a child, Miranda. We’ll talk about this now like adults.” The way Stephen ‘put his foot down’ was nothing in comparison to Miranda’s method. He was too loud about it - too demanding. It wasn’t very effective, even though it did make up your mind for you.

Staying was risky, of course. You could get caught, of course. You could get fired, of course. But honestly? You didn’t trust your boss’s husband. You didn’t trust his demeanor or his drinking or any other little thing about him. And although you didn’t think he would really hurt her, the worry that planted itself in the back of your brain grew swiftly; festering like a disease as you inched yourself toward the stairs and placed your hand on the cold bannister. Worrying for your boss was not your place, but above that, worrying for Miranda Priestly was not your right. You weren’t hers and she wasn’t yours - so there was really no need to stick around. She was entirely capable of taking care of herself.

…And yet?

And yet, something in your gut told you to stay. It was quiet but present - and it murmured softly, convincing you that the second you stepped out of the door and got into the car with Roy and drove off into the night, something would happen. Something bad. Something that you could have avoided if only you were there.

So no, you couldn’t leave. Not yet. Even though Miranda was most likely prepared to tear Stephen a new one.

“I am acting like a child? Calling your wife at 9:45 PM to complain about her absence at a dinner you didn’t confirm is far more childish than me doing my job. What did you expect me to do when you called? Run out of an important business dinner to dash over and wipe your tears before drowning my embarrassment in an overpriced ‘welcome bread basket’? Don’t be absurd, Stephen. You knew I was busy.” And she proved you right - speaking in a low edgy hiss that you suspected was only reserved for her husband. Interestingly enough though, even alone in her house, arguing with this person or the other, Miranda never raised her voice.

No one else thought it was noteworthy enough to mention in quiet conversation, but you were often tempted to bring it up to Nigel. You figured it was because of her childhood - whatever that had been like - and that she vowed to keep her vocal cords safe. It was a small little detail, but when one conversed with Miranda, sometimes it seemed like the only thing to focus on. Her words are always important, yes, but watching her lips move… and seeing the way her teeth formed each syllable… well it was mesmerizing in a way you’d never be able to properly explain. And Stephen, who was pacing the floor above you, was far too daft to understand that.

“What, so if I want to have dinner with my wife, I have to confirm through her assistant? You barely pick up, Miranda!” The sudden growl in his voice had you placing one foot on the stair next to you.

‘This is just a precautionary measure’ you told yourself, knowing that was far from the truth.

“And you pick up too often.” Her quip was breathy and sharp - a clear end to the conversation as you heard her soft footsteps trailing off into another room.

“What does that even mean?! I’m trying to be a good husband, but you are ruining my reputatio-”

“Your reputation?” The venom in Miranda’s voice silenced her husband immediately. “Your reputation…,” you pictured her shaking her head before letting out a little mocking laugh; “…I have no effect on how much you succeed in your career. If you can’t separate work and life, that’s not my problem.”

Their voices were drifting away, lost to the floorplan of their home as you slowly skirted your way up the stairs. It seemed that Miranda had taken your common sense with her when she walked off, leaving Stephen (and you) to follow like lost puppies. Although, she still didn’t know you were there. And you still weren’t going to leave - not until he stopped raising his voice and waking the entire neighborhood.

“God you know- you always treat me like shit, Miranda.” You winced, knowing very well how much she hated cursing. “I am your HUSBAND. You should be speaking to me with respect - not like I’m another worthless magazine you can get rid of. I’ve given you EVERYTHING I have and what have you given me? A few hours of your time? Nothing? Just enlighten me, because I’m really at a loss right now!”

There was a bang then. It was strong and hard and it sounded like he hit something- maybe a side table or a wall- but it didn’t matter to you. He had hit something and if he could hit something- an inanimate object- he could hit his wife and if he hit his wife, he could hurt her and you couldn’t just stand there- you couldn’t just listen to his slander when his wife was giving him everything!; when she was providing and taking care of the children and doing her job all at the same time. You gulped, noticed that you had gravitated up to the second floor, and decided in a split second that if Miranda had anything to say, you’d simply come up with an excuse.

Then, as you listened for where they had gone, you heard hurried footsteps coming back toward the stairs.

“Don’t ignore me, Miranda! Stop hiding behind your job and just admit that you don’t give a fuck about us! I try so hard every day and every night and all you can do is- is- is whore yourself out to those fucking businessmen!”

The gasp that bubbled up in your throat escaped without hesitation. You had never heard anyone talk about Miranda like that - and especially not to her face. If anyone else had spoken so wickedly, you were almost certain that they’d be blacklisted from every bloody establishment in New York City, whether it had to do with fashion or not. But Stephen… well you knew that she had her own reputation to protect - and an escaping husband was not ideal.

But still…

Still…

She didn’t deserve that. And the injustice that had sparked earlier welled up like water boiling over the lip of a full pot. How dare he? How dare he speak to her like that? Your hands balled into fists at your sides; painted nails digging into the skin of your palms.

“Still nothing to say? Huh?!”

A split second later, followed by the sound of Stephen’s yelling, Miranda walked around the corner.

And there your eyes met.

She looked tired at that moment… and small… and utterly incensed at the idea of you being there and witnessing that. The shock played out on her face in the span of a millisecond; with a wide blue gaze and perfect lips parted and sculpted eyebrows raised onto her forehead - which was half covered by a swooping waterfall of messy white hair. It was beyond clear that she was ready for bed and that Stephen was just prolonging her suffering, but you sent a silent prayer to the gods asking to keep your job just before her husband showed up. His hands were on his hips, his face was screwed up into a tired and angry frown, and upon seeing you- he let out a loud scoff.

“Are you kidding me?!” His yell was right in Miranda’s ear but she didn’t seem to care. She didn’t even flinch.

Instead, she was staring right at you. At you. With some sort of fury- some sort of strange deep emotion- swirling around in pearlescent eyes. You felt your knees grow weak but held your ground. If she was going to yell, let her yell. If she was going to coldly dismiss you, let her coldly dismiss you. But at the end of the day, the longer you stared, the more you knew that she knew. That she understood. In the strange telekinetic way that most women shared - the concern that compelled you to stay was reflected in her gaze. And there, in the lull of irritation and tension, was a conversation that only the two of you shared.

It was spoken softly, slowly, and through your eyes alone.

‘I stayed because I was scared for you.’

‘I know.’

‘Are you mad at me?’

‘I don’t know. This wasn’t your place.’

‘I understand. I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.’

‘I can handle myself.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘…I know.’

“Did you plan this? Is that why she’s here?! What- did- did you call her? To witness us fight? See I knew you were fucking crazy! From day one I told myself ‘Stephen don’t get involved with her’ and now look where I am!”

Your silent conversation was snapped in half as he ranted; all while shoving past Miranda to walk further into the hall and throw his hands up in the air like a kid. You felt your body jolt at the sight of her being pushed, but like the impenetrable wall she could be, your boss stood her ground and allowed her husband to brush past her shoulder. As if there wasn’t force in the way he walked. As if you weren’t this close to throwing a punch.

And Miranda could see it in you. She could see the irritation- the sense of injustice and everything that came with it- but she also knew you wouldn’t do anything. You were too kind. Too understanding.

Well… unless someone like Stephen said what he said next.

“You know what? No. I’m done. You listen to me right now,” and then he rounded on your boss, walking right up into her space so quickly that you couldn’t help but push yourself to get closer. And from where you stood then, you saw the way he pushed his finger into her chest and seethed with an unnecessary amount of rage.

“You listen and you learn. I have had it up to here with your bullshit. The cold shoulder, the missed dinners, the terrible schedules, the fact that you don’t even care if the twins like me or not - I’m sick of it. You treat me like an accessory. Another bag for the queen of fashion to throw out but guess what. Guess what, Miranda! I don’t care anymore. We’re separating - and you’re gonna end up like all of the other sad washed up celebrities: Pathetic and- and- weak and alone. Because no one- no one- could possibly love you like this,” and you watched with disgust as he shook his head and let out a cruel laugh. “No one could possibly look at you, with your stuck-up bitchy behavior, and see something worth loving. And-”

Before he could continue, you heard yourself speaking.

“You are absolutely pathetic.”

Two sets of eyes turned on you - one of them confused and the other severe, silently telling you to just shut your mouth. Normally, you would. Normally, you’d listen to your boss and obey her commands- silent or not- because you appreciated her authority and you were halfway in love with her. But it was for that last reason, the very reason why your ribcage felt like a zoo butterfly exhibit, that you decided not to listen. Sure, Miranda would hear your angry love-sick quips, but that didn’t matter. You were going to spill your heart out onto the floor, take a page out of your boss’s book…

…and kick Stephen’s ego into the dust.

“What did you just say?” His eyes were disbelieving as he turned to you; and though a twinge of fear dug at your heart, you pushed on.

“You heard me. You’re pathetic. Pathetic and weak and honestly? Really really embarrassing. It’s no wonder she doesn’t wanna spend time with you. Aside from being the busiest person on Earth and providing you with a roof over your head, she has kids and a job to maintain. But it’s fine- it’s fine!, because you get to complain and she doesn’t. Because you think she owes you everything, but she doesn’t. And she never did. And she never will.” You weren’t sure when you had gotten so close to him, but the backwards step he took gave you enough confidence to continue. “And if you think you mean anything to her, above her children, above her passion, then you are so sorely mistaken that it’s almost funny. Because me, and so many others, have seen how much Miranda cares about those closest to her - and if she’s not making you better, then you’re clearly not worth her time. But maybe if you exercised some more respect, maybe if you showed you cared, she’d bother to call you back and she’d bother to act like your wife. But you don’t do that. So why should she show you what you don’t show her? Huh? Why should she love you when there’s other people out there- when- when there’s people like- like Nigel, like Emily, like me,” you took a deep breath, nearly choking on your words because you were talking so fast, “who would give her the world if she asked for it. Who would do anything to have her attention. So- so why should she love you when you take it for granted? When you, who gets it for free, don’t have to bend over backwards for her affection? When- when- you- you attend events with her, you have dinner with her, she calls you darling! And you take it all for GRANTED - BECAUSE YOU JUST DON’T CARE!”

Your eyes were most likely bloodshot. Your body was shaking. Your head was pounding and your heart was in your throat.

But Stephen looked shocked, having taken more steps backward toward the stairs as you approached him like a blood-thirsty lioness. And at that, watching the way his hand scrambled for the banister, you felt a strange twist of pride creep throughout your heart.

…But it wasn’t enough. You wanted him gone. So you cleared your throat, straightened your spine, and sniffed.

“That’s enough.”

Of course. Miranda cut in, her cool voice dousing your rage like a bucket of water over burning coals; dragging you back into yourself from where you had gotten lost in the clouds; reminding you that you weren’t supposed to be there in the first place. That you were just an assistant. Just a young woman who had stepped out of line to try and protect a woman who didn’t really need it. And instinctively, as though you had been slapped in the face or tugged by a leash, you backpedaled until Miranda’s soft footsteps came over and her back faced you. Stephen’s expression was hidden.

“…I’ll contact Leslie in the morning,” her voice was soft… introspective… distant in a way that made you nervous. “Until then… find somewhere else to spend the night.”

And things grew very quiet.

The only sounds you heard were the bustle of the city and the individual breathing of the three of you. Everything else was silent. The rest of the house, empty without Patricia and the twins (all of which were visiting their grandparents), felt like a movie set with a hidden audience. As though, at about any minute, the credits for the end of the episode would roll and you, Miranda, and Stephen would let out sighs of relief and walk off set and go get cups of water and coffee. But even as you stood there, trying hard not to tilt to the left to watch Stephen walk downstairs and out of the house, you knew what had happened was no fun and games. No, you’d definitely be facing consequences once he was gone.

And finally, after a few more moments of prolonged silence, his footsteps were going down the stairs and into the foyer. Your eyes traced the contours of Miranda’s silk shirt, watching the way it flowed over her shoulders as she walked closer to the staircase to watch Stephen go. One minute- two minutes- and then the front door was opening and closing behind him…

…and silence fell again.

You swallowed, feeling as though you had suddenly been thrown into the center of the sun. The heat of your embarrassment was excruciating - and if Miranda turned around, she’d spot the blush on your cheeks instantaneously. But that was a strong if, because she hadn’t just yet. Nope, instead, she stood staring at the door, letting the air settle. And you weren’t going to interrupt that, so you kept your mouth shut and tried to rationalize mentally.

If she asked, you’d just tell her the truth. That the world got crueler each day and it was in your nature to worry and that no wife should ever come face to face with a furious partner - at least not without the chance to talk civilly at first. And then you’d tell her that it was okay if she wanted to fire you and that you were sorry for being so open and that if you had fucked things up, you’d do whatever you could to fix them.

…

The silence eventually became deafening. And there was an itch in your legs that was getting to you. And your hands were slowly untensing, left with an ache from the pressing of your fingernails. And the exhaustion from the long day was getting to you - so you cleared your throat and prepared yourself.

“Miranda, I’m so sor-”

“That was unnecessary.” You couldn’t hear an ounce of emotion in her tone.

And all you could do was nod and look down at your feet.

“I- I know. I know. But I just… I just couldn’t leave, Miranda.”

“You couldn’t or you didn’t want to?”

Well that was a brilliant question. One you wished you could answer without crying. One you wished you could answer without feeling like a complete loser.

“…Both, I guess.” You settled on the best option you could think of and began shaking your head when the only response you got was a low hum of acknowledgment.

And Miranda still hadn’t moved. She was probably compartmentalizing - or disappearing into her fashionable mind palace - all while you stood there looking at her like she had just smacked your ice cream onto the floor.

Well… if there was one thing you knew, it was that the tension-filled silence couldn’t continue. She could either fire you quickly or make it slow and painful, but either way you weren’t going down without a fight.

“Look, I’m sorry. I am. I know it was out of line and it was too much and I should’ve just kept my mouth shut but I promise I did it with good intentions. And I promise I wouldn’t have stayed if I wasn’t worried and I wouldn’t have said anything if I weren’t genuinely upset. And… and I don’t know if you want to fire me because of that, but if you’re gonna do it - please just get it over with. I know I’m a good assistant, I- I know I’ve learned quickly and I’m sorry that I just completely ruined that right now but if you somehow just gave me another chance, I wouldn’t make another mistake. I promise. And I wouldn’t- I- I-,” you stumbled over your words, feeling the intense pounding of your heart press up against your chest, like it was begging to bounce onto the floor and tumble down the stairs. And the feeling felt so sickening that you had to take a deep breath and shake your head and push down the angry, anxious, terrified tears that yearned to spill into your eyes. “And I- I’ll- I’ll never let anyone talk to you like that again… I promise.”

Your voice was frail. The fire from earlier was gone - as though it had never existed at all. And Miranda still just stood there, with her phone in one hand and her face turned away from you…. Like you weren’t good enough to see her. Like you didn’t deserve to know what she was thinki-”

“You talk too much.” It was the only thing she said before she turned around and walked right past you - faster than lightning.

And you blinked just in time, turning on your heel and staring after her.

“Wh-what? That’s it?” You called. No firing? No scolding?

The room she was heading into looked like a study - but that swiftly became unimportant when she paused at the door and turned to you.

Her face, lit up by the hall light, looked tired in the same way it was earlier. But her eyes… well there was something in them that you couldn’t place. It looked like amusement… and something softer. Something- dare you say- grateful. But it was probably just a trick of the light - and you were probably just hallucinating because of your own exhaustion - and she was most likely just itching to get her duty done and go to bed.

And you suspected that was the case until she took a second to look you up and down in that way that she did- with her blue eyes searching and her gaze laser-sharp- and eventually, eventually, she made it back up to your face. Her expression was blank.

“…On Monday morning, tell Emily that the clothing department has a new opening. Then tell everybody else.” There was a pause. “…And be prepared to start interviews on Tuesday.”

And the last you saw of her then- of the sweet poison you called Miranda Priestly- was the statuesque shape of her body’s side profile as she softly closed the study door.

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Thank you for the request, anon! I understand this isn't terribly fluffy, but I wanted to make it as realistic as I could. I hope you enjoyed! - Ripley

(P.S. DWP is my favorite movie!)

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[azalea-romanoff]

HAPPY AUTISM AWARENESS DAY!

First: happy autism awareness day to all my mun/mods with autism or who have characters with autism. (in my case, it's both!)

So in honour of Autism Awareness Day and month, I'd like to tell you all about my levels of autism <3

Tics and Fidgets: I'm on the spectrum such that I have a lot of tics and fidgets. Usually it's the repititions which feel nice, and it can often annoy others. I have a tendency to: click my tongue, snap my fingers, flap my hands, rock back and forth, and i make popping sounds. the more subtle tics are pulling my hair, picking my fingernails.

Poor Eye contact: Poor eye contact with me is only with people i don't know or during stressful situations. like if i'm in a meeting with Nick Fury, i'll be fine. but if i'm greeting new agents? hell no. (//ooc: i can talk to my class teacher just fine, but with maybe the delivery man, a cashier, i can't look them in the eyes.).

Abnormal Posture: ...as an agent, this is a huge no-no. the only reason i got the job is because my abnormal posture is literally me just keeping my fists clenched at all times, and keeping my left foot a bit more in front of the other. a tense fighting stance if you will. Convenient!

Anxiety: Shockingly, it's low! I only get anxious in places which are too loud or too far from home. loud places make me really anxious because it means i have too many thoughts in my head and too many things to process at a time. and being deaf, too, with hearing aids, it makes it 100x tougher. Sorry, but Azalea Romanoff-Maximoff isn't the girl you take to a party or a club.

Social Difficulty: I have moderately high social difficulty. as in, i have trouble communicating my thoughts when in big groups, and making friends is a bit...daunting as a task. And sometimes i miss on non-verbal cues like sarcasm, subtle joking, even a few metaphors here and there. So iF YOU NEED A SPECIFIC BIRTHDAY GIFT, TELL ME TO MY FACE. DON'T HINT IT-? I WILL LITERALLY NOT GET YOUR POINT.

Noise Sensitivity: ...have you met me? i am VERY sensitive to noise. Vacuum cleaners, power drills, gunshot sounds (//ooc: movies, especially), someone typing loudly on their laptop, so many of these day-to-day sounds drive me to a meltdown sometimes because it's just so annoying.

Abnormal/Flat Speech: Nope. Most people can tell how i'm feeling by my voice, except in situations where i'm confused on how to react. like if someone says they're pregnant, i'll just say 'oh, nice.' like, are you happy or sad or like-? eH???

Fixations: I have plenty. But my biggest ones? Top Three: Animals, History, Space. iF i get bored, i will literally talk about this for hours, and dare you show even an iota of interest in the same, my friend you're gonna be there a WHILE.

Depression: only on sensory overload days, or on days where i randomly get sad. a result of the anxiety, honestly. i think wayyyyy too many 'what if' scenarios.

Aggression: And finally, I'm not a very aggressive person. Only if i'm very overstimulated, if i'm not being heard, or if i'm just having a bad day in general, i might break a pencil or two. maybe throw a few books down a shelf.

BONUS: soooo i hate the colour yellow or anything that is yellow. like, i haven't ever touched a banana. my favourite colour is red, and my favourite animal is the panda. i hate the feeling of shag carpets and i don't like the feeling of nylon on skin. i don't like the scratchiness of yarn and i don't like the sound of chalk on a chalkboard. i do like the hum of an air conditioner though, and looking outside a window helps calm me down.

SO that's all about my autism! I hope i made you all aware! Reach out to any fellow autistic people you may know, and do find out about their fixations, if they're non-verbal or verbal. accept them for who they are, don't try and fix them.

autism isn't a disease. our minds are just wired differently. if you can figure out how a complex video game works within 24 hours, how hard can a person be?

🤟 love you all!

bellow is my autism spectrum evaluation results (mod's) for people who are close to me, like @moongirlwidow @wandabug @supermilkshakebanana @nevaeh-daughterofvalcarol @capt-carter-mostly-official @esmerxyaugusta and @pietro-maximoff-official <3

[these-conquered-woodlands]

a few incorrect quotes for the Gang™️

luna: Can I offer you a nice stick in this trying time?

-

harry, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.

-

luna: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL- hermione: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FRIENDS NIGHT OUT FOR ONCE?!

-

ginny: You don't need my blessing to go kiss neville. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing neville! luna: Nope. ginny: In that case, as the archbishop of luna's fully awakened and pining heart, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss neville right on the lips!

-

ron: Shovel the pasta into your face. Do it. Put it in your face. The future is meaningless but the pasta is now.

-

ginny: Hermione said it's my turn with the brain cell. luna: Alright, square up.

-

hermione: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere* ginny: Where did you get that? hermione: My pocket. ginny: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket? hermione: Skillz.

-

harry: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

-

ginny: *chokes on something* neville: Oh no, Ginny, don't die on us! ginny: *purple in the face* Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want!

-

hermione: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? neville: "Addict-ionary"? hermione: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better. neville: ...

-

luna: My gender is in a constant state of flux.

-

ginny: Shh, here comes Seamus! harry: Quick, Hermione, start talking about boring nerd stuff! hermione: You know, nerd culture is mainstream now, so when you use the word “nerd” derogatorily, it means you’re the one that’s out of the zeitgeist. harry : Yes, that’s perfect. Just like that.

-

hermione: Ron annoyed me today so I told him that I can’t wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow. neville: There is nothing special about tomorrow. hermione: But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as panic takes over.

-

neville, watching harry and ron fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt? hermione, not bothered by the chaos: It’s fine. They’re too evenly matched to hurt each other. neville: Then... who’s the strongest out of you three? hermione: Me.

-

ron: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points at his chest* harry: We have a cardigan? ron: A cardigan? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.

-

hermione: Do you take constructive criticism? neville: Not without crying

-

hermione: Let’s write Harry a friendly letter, shall we? Dear... Darling... Dumbass...

-

neville: You have Crayons? luna : Yes, I have— neville: You're— how old are you? luna : Yes I am a grown woman and I have crayons, I have a box of emergency crayons in the medicine cabinet because everybody needs crayons sometimes, okay? Everybody needs crayons.

-

luna: Are you reading fan fiction? ron, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No. luna: Oh, is it on AO3? ron: This is CNN.

-

harry: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think.

-

neville: This totally sucks, man. ron: This is horrible. neville: Yeah, I know, I mean look at today’s news. ron: No, it’s not that, it’s Hermione. ron: It’s just like, I can’t get them out of my head and every time I look at them I have this pain in my chest, and I just know it’s their fault, that little shit!

-

harry: I apologize for saying 'fuck' in front of the class and horrifying Neville and Hermione. snape: You just said it again. harry: I am not a role model.

-

ginny: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Ginny lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

[squishmelo]

I'm having such a weird time wrt weight rn. (neutral discussion)

Okay so, a list of facts --

I have fatty liver disease. Gaining weight can add fat to liver, as well as losing weight too fast. Too much fat added becomes cirrhosis, liver disease, which is irreversible. (But fatty liver can be reversed).

The first prescription for this is weight loss

But I know that there is no diet that works long term to lose weight and keep it off, especially if you go off the diet. Your weight just goes right back up. Meaning losing weight only to gain it back is worse for my liver but also worse for my heart than just staying fat.

Similar studies wrt exercise.

I am now losing weight without meaning to - my diet did change, and will stay that way forever - low saturated fat, higher fiber, higher protein- I went off certain meds, went up on other meds. But all of this has been a while ago.

Some medications (which I have been on and then stopped) can cause weight gain. Theoretically, going off of these medications could cause the weight loss...Increase in some meds (Metformin for blood sugar, which my docs want me on long term) can cause weight loss...

So i'm like.

Worried bc all those things that can affect weight happened months to years ago (tho affects might still have been in there or w.e, depo is a bitch), and I'm losing weight without meaning to (which could be a sign of not good things too tbf),

Worried i'll gain back because it will be worse for my health in the long run than maintaining

Worried that if it is a concern (Altho low chance of), nobody will look or care because they want me to lose weight anyways

Annoyed because I'm reverse growing out of clothes (LIKE MY CORSETS AND BRAS AND UNDERWEAR) and have to replace them and things are fitting weirdly and thats heaps money

Relieved because at the very least it's at a good rate of loss over time, and not super fast drop (which is worse for body)

Trying to keep my brain neutral when I've had disordered eating tendencies wrt weight loss, bc I dont want to tie my mental health to my weight, especially if I do gain back

Idk, I'm just confused, many of my friends have problems with weight discussion so I can't talk to them, doctors (even well meaning ones) aren't going to be neutral because of what they're taught, despite studies to the contrary...Yeah. Idk.

[hellsbroadcaster]

I feel bad because I haven't really done much here. I don't really like using my health as an excuse but its genuinely what it is. I'm exhausted all the time. This steroid medication is the worst and its going on 8 whole month's I've been taking it. I've gained a ton of weight, like it doesn't feel normal. my body aches all the time. I feel like I'm pregnant. none of my clothes fit me anymore which only leads to more of my inner self loathing which I hate because after my last relationship i really worked hard to build myself up. And it felts like every time I think I'm getting better SOMETHING happens. and I try so hard to not let it get to me.

It took me years to stop being in denial about diabetes. i almost had to die before I started to accept that this was my life. and ive been proud and worked very hard to get where I am with it. not I feel like I'm failing again cuz the steroids work against them. my A1C went up, and i'm just so disappointed by it. I've been having some manner of fatigue about taking my meds. which i usually dont but i find myself taking them later and later in the day. Sunday, I opted to not take the steroid and with only ONE day it made me feel horribly sick. this blood disorder really is the worst. the fact that i cant go one day without it or it'll really make me sick just annoys the crap out of me. I hate it. i hate not having control on it. also when i talked to my therapist she talks about how trauma has a lot to do with your health and how it effects your body. and when I think back to all the trauma i've experienced within the last 6 years? it makes sense the way my body is just trying to kill me. because what are the odds I get a rare blood disease like really.

and I hate talking about it because I feel like such a burden. when people ask me how i'm doing and i say okay because if I tell them its day three and I still feel like shit like ppl get tired eventually. i always have to act like i'm good at home anyway because otherwise I'll hear my mom say 'oh its always something with you' like i asked for this shit.

I guess my point is, I really wanna be more active but I put all my energy into work because its such a complicated job, and if I slack off even a little its a pain in the ass to get caught back up and so its always frustrating when I have to take off and i come back to a mess despite me leaving it perfect for the person who is backing me up. they wont pay me FMLA, and I have to take off at least one day a week to make appointments for this illness. i technically work the full 80 hours but on the days i work 12s i cant take a lunch, i have to get up earlier. and its already draining for me. so by the time I get off work, I don't even wanna transition to my laptop. but I love being here and i have so much fun so i try my best. lately tho, I look at my drafts and I have so much muse but no energy at all. i promise i am working on it. I really just ask for patience. being in this fandom has been the most fun i've had on tumblr in a very long time.

my hope with this new medication I am getting, they will start to tamper me off the steroids, and my energy will start to come back as the dose goes down. my fingers are crossed honestly.

[khasiehondra]

It Can't Be...Can It? Chapter 2: A Snake in the Garden

Alice

Alice was frozen to her place in the doorway. Sebastian's gaze held hers and it was then she knew her and Annie's lives could change. She could tell him now. It was obvious Annie was quite taken to him and she didn't want to hurt her daughter by saying he had to leave them alone. "Annie seems to like you. So I do believe it would be nice to have you around." 

His smile was the same. Even though his jaw was now cut and his voice deepened more than she recalled, he still grinned like a schoolboy. "Why don't you both join me for lunch next Saturday? I live in a townhome near the south end of the city. We actually passed it on the way here." 

Alice gave a curt nod and Sebastian turned to walk down the road. "Sebastian," Alice called after him without thinking. 

"Alice?"

"This doesn't mean I'll fall for you again. Just because Annie seems to be taken with you doesn't mean you'll get me to open my heart to you again. I accept your apology. But we are in our mid-twenties and I will not be swayed like I was in school." She gripped the doorframe tight. He would always be working on missions. Alice didn't want Annie to learn her father was an Auror who risked his life to keep the peace. 

For a moment, Sebastian seemed disappointed. Before she could really see what was happening he perked back up and laughed. "I don't believe I made you fall for me last. But if you do, I hope you'll bring your best. Remember what I told you when we first met? 'You give as good as you get.'" And with that he continued down the road and apparated away.

All week Annie had been on her best behavior. She was beyond excited to hear that she would be seeing Sebastian again. It was non stop talking about their time together or asking why Alice had never brought him up in the first place. Relief hit her when Ominis and Poppy came by on Thursday evening. The two lived in a smaller town around the Scottish Highlands and visited almost weekly. "Ominis, you can take over for me while you're here." 

He furrowed his brow and pulled back from the embrace he had given her. "What do you mean? Has something happened?" 

"An annoying something. I should tell you inside. Juels prepared our tea in my library." Poppy looped her arm in Alice’s and they fell in to a conversation about the newest addition to their magizoology care center. Once everyone's tea was poured and the tiny cake brought out, Ominis couldn’t take the suspense anymore. 

Yet all his questions were answered when Annie burst into the room. "Oh, Uncle Ominis maybe you can help me! Mama won't tell me anything about Sebastian, but he said he is your best friend. You'll tell me won't you?" Her big brown eyes were so pleading. Ge was so capable that it was easy for Annie to forget he was blind. 

"So this is why you said I can take over." He looked to where he knew Alice always sat. "That explains his owl.” 

“Annie, how about you and I go find Winston and take him to play with the nifflers.” Poppy reached out her hand for the little girl to take and they exited the library. 

Ominous crossed everything he could, his legs, his arms, and his attitude. “He isn’t a disease, you know. Alice, he is Annie’s father. You literally named her after Anne. His owl was asking all about your daughter. Are you trying to keep him in the dark forever?” 

“No.” She put down her tea cup with a loud clack on the saucer. “I just don’t want Annie hurt. She wants a father around. You know everyone believes I was widowed. She looks nothing like Sebastian so I can bid myself some time to figure out if he actually will stay in her life.”

“You know Sebastian. He can become a tad…obsessive.” 

“That’s being generous.” She stood to walk toward the window looking over the road to the manor. 

“Fair but I have kept up with the man. Before he returned to Europe he tried finding you, but couldn’t. It was so difficult to keep it from him that I knew where you were.” Ominous’s voice became agitated. “In our seventh year you told me you wanted your child to have both their parents around. Well, now you have that chance.” 

“Don’t act like I don't know that!” She didn’t mean to shout but she was just scared. “I can’t make a promise to her that he would come home. We’ve had plenty of comrades that have died being an Auror. I don’t want her to meet him and then he die the next day.” 

Her greatest fears were now in existence. They weren’t as invincible as they felt all those years ago. Ominis’s jaw twitched as he recalled their friends who never made it home. “I understand you are scared, Alice. But this isn’t fair to either of them. If you won’t tell Sebastian, I will.” 

Winston bounded into the room, Annie close on the dog’s heels. Poppy ran in after them, panting. “You’ve got yourself a very energetic child, Alice. I think you’ll need to warn the school that she may give them a run for their galleons.” 

“I honestly think if I told Professor Weasley ahead of time she would quit on the spot.” Alice smiled as her little girl held onto the corgi and sat on the settee. 

“Annie, would you like to hear of how Sebastian and I played a prank on my sister so that she was stuck to the moving staircase for hours?” Her eyes lit in awe.

“Ominis, love. Don’t give this little troublemaker any ideas.” Poppy sat back in her chair and reached for a scone. 

“Oh Merlin, help me.” Alice ran her fingers through her hair and placed an exasperated hand on her waist. 

Nothing was going right on Saturday. The hippogriffs were going wild, her hair wouldn’t stay put, her research was misplaced, and Annie came back from the meadow vivarium soaking wet. “Annie! Are you alright darling? You’re not hurt are you?” 

Alice ran over to the shaking girl and checked her head for any bumps or cuts. “No, mummy. I saw a pretty moonstone in the creek and I leaned too far over. I’m sorry.” 

The tiny tears streaming down her face flow steadily. Alice cupped Annie’s freckled face in her hands and brushed the tears away. “It’s fine, darling. I’m just so glad you’re safe. Let’s get you into a warm bath so we can go see Seabstian.” 

Half an hour later, Annie was clean and dried. Thank Merlin for Witch Weekly. Father was wrong, some of the dumb spells were useful. I didn’t want Annie going outside with hair. She added a wool coat over Annie’s red and black plaid dress. “Ready to go?” 

Annie nodded and took her mother’s hand and walked to the carriage. The townhome was covered in ivy and was in a very nice part of the city. A few children played in the streets and Annie looked out longingly. “Mama, could Claude come over soon?” 

“Do you miss your friend?” Alice looked out with her. “Maybe we can convince Sebastian to go to the park. There may be some children you could play with there.” 

“Yes! Claude is coming home from his trip soon right? The Prewett’s still live in London but they can stay for a while, oh please.” Brushing Annie’s hair back she gave her a soft smile. 

“I’ll send Samantha an owl. When we get home, you should try meeting some of the other children at the surrounding estates.” 

The door to the townhome opened before she could knock. Damn that face. He looked absolutely smart. His windowpane black trousers clung to his legs and his grey vest hugged his now broad chest. “Welcome, come inside I’ve started some tea while lunch is finishing up.” 

It was very different from his house in Feldcroft. The tiny one room house was bland and barren. This was full of personality. Books on spells, beasts, and stories lined the wall in what looked like a sitting room. A piano played itself as they passed. The walls were green and the natural oak wood gave the home a warm feeling. He led them to a glass covered sunroom at the back of the house. It was filled with muggle and magical plants. A table had been set with a tiered dessert stand and a porcelain teapot and ornate tea cups. She smiled at the green design. He always prided himself of his Hogwarts house, but he never realized that it had an influence on his personal taste. “Lunch should be ready in fifteen minutes. Annie, you must try these cauldron cakes. There is a hidden wizarding alleyway about five minutes up the block. The sweets there are almost as good as Honeydukes.” 

“Isn’t that the store in the village you told me about, mummy?” Annie grabbed a cake and placed it on her plate. “You got a box of pumpkin pasties delivered from them for my birthday one year.” 

“Yes it is, Annie.” She poured herself a cup of oolong and added her splash of cream. 

“Your mother and I would go to the store every time we visited Hogsmeade. The village holds a special place in my heart. It was the second time I had the pleasure of dueling with your mother.” He must have said something wrong because the little girl stuck out her bottom lip in a pout.   

Taking a bite of her cake she looked toward her mother and whined. “You told me dueling was unbecoming of a proper lady.” 

“You can duel once you get to Hogwarts. While we live in muggle society you can’t talk to the others about dueling or owls or the nifflers. They���they just don’t understand magic.” 

“You said my father was a wizard. And Lottie knows that we have magic.” It was hard seeing Annie so confused. 

“Maybe one day we can let more people know, but Lottie is different. She is married to Arden, remember? He’s a wizard. He wanted to be able to tell his wife about his abilities. Some muggles know, but not many. If there is someone you deeply trust then we can work on how to tell them together.” Her mother’s words started to sooth the young girl. 

Sebastian flicked his wand and lunch started to float over from the kitchen and onto a secondary table. “Lunch is served.” 

It was a pleasant Saturday. Sebastian gave them the tour of his place and even let Annie hold some of the artifacts to be collected from his travels. “This here,” he said as he handed the tooth to Annie, “is the tooth of a Swedish Shortsnout. Once got loose while I was in France and this was lodged into the tree it tried to throw at me. The poaching ring was all arrested and the dragon was taken to Romania.” 

Annie absorbed his stories like a sponge. It almost hurt Alice to see her daughter and her father together. Neither of them knew that this is everything she had imagined when her and Sebastian were young and in love. It came to the point she had to excuse herself to take a quick stroll along the streets. Sebastian’s worried look made her eyes glassy as she closed the door behind her. 

Sebastian was at their estate the next week. On Wednesday he had apparated on their doorstep and Alice threw open the door when she heard the loud crack. “What are you doing here?” 

“Sorry for the intrusion, but I was wondering if you would fancy a walk in your garden? I would like to offer you a proposition.” She looked back contemplating if she could leave her research for a while. 

“Alright, Annie is in her lessons, so she can’t join us.” 

He nodded and held out his elbow for her to take. “That’s alright, it’ll be better this way.”  

Looping her hand into his elbow, they took the route to the garden and she anticipated his proposal. “So, you have mentioned that Alice is taken to me and in all honesty I am fond of her as well. I think that I should spend some time with her on a weekly basis. You mentioned that her father was never in the picture and I think having a stand in would be beneficial to her.” 

Did I hear him correctly? “Sebastian, I don’t think I am following. If this is about you feeling guilty about what happened all of those years ago, I’m over it.” 

The hedges were sad in the fall. No flowers bloomed but the greenery was still calming. They made their way to a bench and Sebstian took her hands in his. “This isn’t about atoning how I treated you. This is about helping you take after your daughter. You know I don’t normally like children but I always wanted a family of my own. I think that it would be nice to have a meal together a few times a week. I can take her to the park or zoo. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. Ominous told me that your parents helped you but I doubt you ever took a break.” 

She was on the eb of tears. He wanted to be there with them. It would all be pretend though. Everytime they were together he would leave them to go home. But Annie would be happy. “I will agree to these terms if and only if you don’t plan on leaving Scotland for an extended period of time. Devastating her isn’t what I want.” 

“I shouldn’t be needed outside of the country unless something dire is happening. Which it won’t. I do want to know, why do you always seem so sad whenever I am with Annie?” He leaned down to try and sneak looking into her eyes. 

“Because when I see you with Annie, I see everything I ever wanted. And memories are sometimes the worst wounds.” 

Sebastian

The wizarding alley, Hedfords Line, was busy that Friday. Sebastian had taken time off work to take Alice and Annie there, hoping they could meet more of their kind. It was almost impossible to keep up with the little girl. She didn’t wear a cloak like many of the other children and the satin teal ribbon on her head made her more discernible. When he finally caught up to Annie he hoisted her up and carried her back to where he had left Alice. Except she wasn’t there. He spun around until he saw her through a shop window. She would be in a bookstore. He stopped after one step. Years had passed since he had seen Issac Cooper. 

Alice was talking to him and she was smiling. Not like the normal smile she often wore but a smile he had known all too well. “Sebastian, is mummy talking to the quidditch player from the Montrose Magpies? 

All of Slytherin house knew that Issac was going to be a professional athlete. He was a natural at quidditch and even Imelda couldn’t compare to his skills. He took a gulp to try and put out the fire in his throat. “Yes, he was in Slytherin house with me. Your mum was a stand in for the Ravenclaw seeker a few times. The bloke was always getting himself into detention. Issac caught the snitch but it was a close match. She was only fifteen when she learned to fly a broom and she almost beat someone you see in the papers.” She was smiling at him and Sebastian’s heart swelled with affection. I wonder if this is what your mother was like at such a young age. 

“If you were in the same house, could we please meet him?” Sebastian wanted nothing to do with Issac. In all honesty, he wanted to rip Alice away from his tousled hair and perfect smile. “Please, Sebastian! I saw a quidditch store back the way we came. If I get a pennant do you think he would autograph it?” 

How could anyone say no to this girl? Defeated, he sighed and replied chipperly, “Fine, I’ll buy you the pennant but only if you do me a favor.” He leaned toward Annie’s ear and whispered a small plan. “Think you can do that?”

“Yes, sir!” Sebastian carried her the entire way to the quidditch shop and then tried to quickly locate Alice and Issac. They had made their way out of the bookstore and into the street. 

“Okay, Annie, just like I told you.” She nodded and skipped over to her mother. Sebastian knew this was petty. But he didn’t know what else to do. He had heard what the others had said about his girlfriend. Issac was one that said he would try to court her if I ever lost her. He didn’t think that would still apply years later. Watching his plan unfold was satisfying. Annie’s overly excited voice made it all the way to where he was standing and when she mentioned his, Issac faltered and rubbed his neck with his hand. Time to step in. 

“Oh, I apologize. I didn’t know that you were with someone.” Issac looked like a lovesick schoolboy. 

“Oh, Sebastian is showing us around. But if you have somewhere you have to be, I could send you an owl.” It was her invitation to Issac that made Sebastian’s blood boil. 

“He can’t leave before I get his autograph on my pennant!” Annie was bouncing in front of him and held up the back fabric to Issac. He took it and magically attached his signature into the cloth. 

“I won’t impose. But I will happily be awaiting you owl, Alice.” He grabbed her hand and brushed his lips over her knuckles just as Sebastian came up. 

He held out his hand and put on his winning smile. “Issac, nice to see you. Can you believe Ali lives in Scotland now? I’ve had such a pleasure being their guide. Reminds me of when I took our little wise girl here to Hogsmeade.” It was petty. He was trying to establish the hierarchy of importance. 

“Nice to see you, Sebastian.” Issac pursed his lips and gave them a final nod as he turned to leave.

The daggers from Alice’s glare was worth it. Maybe the silent treatment she was giving him was a bit annoying, but he was in this for the long game. She declared she wouldn’t fall for him again. Fate is funny like that. It pushed them back together that day in the cafe. Destiny created a way for them to fall into each other’s lives. At the ice cream parlour Annie was talking to another little girl who was looking out the shop’s window. Taking this opportunity, he faced Alice. “Out with it. You’re angry at me for what I said to Cooper.”

Normally rage and anger is associated with fire. He loved fire, really. That’s why his favorite spells were normally offensive fire-based arsenal. But Alice’s eyes were like looking into a snowstorm. “I can talk to whomever I please, Sebastian. We were just talking. You don’t own me and you sure as hell do not need to pull Annie into your antics. If you are resorting to using an eight year old as your accomplice then you know it is bad. 

“I’m sorry, I just came here with the both of you and I wanted to be a bit selfish. But look over there.” He pointed to where Annie was talking to a group of children around her age. “Looks like she made some new friends. How about we say hello to their parents.” 

“You are not her father, you don’t have to say anything.” The words were like venom to his heart. Sebastian hated how badly her words affected him. In a different life they would have been married and he would have shaken the hands of the fathers and mothers that his daughter made friends with. Alice seemed to realize what she had said as both hands flew to her mouth. “Sebastian, I didn't mean to…I was just so angry…and I..I’m so sorry.” 

He held up his hands in defeat. “No, you’re right. I’m overstepping. Once again I am telling you what to do and expecting you to go along with it. I can watch the bags. Go, make friends.” He gave her a sheepish smile and watched with a heavy heart as she introduced herself to the table of ladies. 

Annie had fallen asleep in his arms on the carriage ride to the manor. The last few hours had been awkward and draining as he and Alice danced around each other’s tempers. But holding Annie as if she was the most precious thing in the world made everything better. “You have yourself a wonderful daughter, Shaw. If you had told her father that she was coming, I bet he would still be here.” 

Her eyes were downcast, voice shaky. “As I’ve said before, I was young and stupid. I loved him, but I couldn’t take away his dreams. If our relationship had stayed cordial I think I would have told him.” 

“Do you know where he is? It is never too late.” The little girl squirmed from their hushed voices, but she stayed fast asleep. The angelic devil made him smile. 

“I do, but it’s been so long that I don’t know how to tell him.” The sad and shaky voice was still there. Sebastian saw that Alice’s hands were trembling. 

“Alice, I want to say that being with you two the last few weeks made me realize I want a family of my own one day. You’re such a strong woman to raise a child by yourself. I’ll do all I can to help take that stress from you. Who knows when I will find anyone. If I even can. All I thought when I met women during my rotations was that none of them were you.” 

He looked up and saw her dab at her eyes. “Alice, what’s wrong?” 

“It’s just that it has been a lot. I’ve had much on my mind these days.” 

“You can tell me anything.” He was serious about that. He wanted her to lean on him again. 

“Maybe one day, but we just arrived. I need to put Annie to bed.” Taking her daughter she carried her all the way to the walnut doors and Sebastian watched her disappear. 

Meeting Ominis was easy enough. He apparated in front of the Three Broomsticks to get away from anyone he would know back in Edinburgh. He wanted to think clearly. No reminders of the day he just had.  Ominis was already at a back table. He got a drink from Sirona, who was beyond happy to see him, and made himself known once he had approached the table. “You said you wanted to se me?” 

“Sit down, Sebastian. Trust me you’ll want to be seated.” He pulled out the wooden chair and took a sip of his beer. “Poppy informed me that you, Alice and Annie have been spending an immense amount of time together. Alice seems to be conflicted and I wanted to tell you that there is something rather large that you are missing.” 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian wrinkled his brow, trying to understand. “I know I’ve asked you some questions but Annie’s father is not in the picture. I just want help finding him so he can meet her. Once he meets her then maybe they could help Alice. Alice claims she doesn’t love him anymore. But I can’t imagine how difficult it is being alone. Even with her staff, they have jobs!” 

Ominis stayed quiet. Sebastian knew his friend well enough that he was trying to formulate whatever he was trying to say. “Have you ever wondered about Annie? I think you keep asking everyone the wrong questions.”

“What do you mean? She’s eight years old, she didn’t grow up with a father figure, and she looks exactly like Alice.” Sebastian had no idea what Ominis was trying to insinuate. 

“Think harder. Everything that Alice has told you. What you’ve noticed about that little girl.” Ominous was trying not to bridge Alice's trust and keeping him in the light of what was going on. 

He thought long and hard about everything. Wait, Annie is eight…did she get pregnant right after we stopped our relationship? Did she think she would fall in love again and he left her? I’m going to kill the bastard. 

“Don’t hurt yourself. Just…think about what is happening. You’ll kick yourself when you realize what has been happening under your nose.” Ominous threw back the rest of his beer and quickly switched topics. 

[yamatossideboob]

One Piece 1098 spoilers!

Things I liked this week!

But first, I hope Oda is okay? I don't want to speculate as to why he couldn't finish this week's chapter's art, but I'll try not to get worried unless we get official word from SJ or him. Anyway, here goes:

One faintly bright side of this chapter's published condition is getting a little glimpse of Oda's pencils, this isn't really something manga fans get to see too often (unless you watch Manben, which qf I really ought to... a recent episode has Shinichi Sakamoto! but I'm getting off topic lol)

Even unfinished this cover page ROCKS HARD I love when Brook is doing cool things and not talking

This part is... nearly too bleak for words. I'm glad this is One Piece or this section would a lot harder to get through, plus a lot more tasteless (thanks, many seinen manga!)

I'd be more annoyed about this if it wasn't all but confirmed before now that something terrible happened to Ginny.

I wonder is this blue gem skin disease some sort of safeguard against CD captives escaping... and if so, who created it...

"Don't worry Ginny... I'll raise your daughter" is just... if any other series pulled this, I'd be furious at the tryhard bullshit. Here, it's just devastating. And yet Kuma has even more to lose...

oh hey Sabo. put that down.

Evidently something cured Bonney, or at least delays the disease enough for her to now live and enter natural light. But how, and what?

YEAH BONNEY MAKE EM CRY SO LONG FUCKOS

KUMA JUMPSCARE! I love just how OP Dad he's being rn, it suits him so well

I wonder did either of them get to Fishman Island eventually...

I love kid Bonney, she's so full of beans Q Q

aaaaaaand now yer king man is back at it again, hopefully he gets Mountbattened this time. I can't even look forward to that bc next chapter = more Kuma suffering 'c` bloody hell

No word yet on a hiatus, though next week is the regular break week anyway. Until then, then. 💪❌

[calliethetrekkie]

Star Trek TOS S01E11: Miri

Original Thoughts

"Miri was very much one of those ‘don’t watch during a pandemic’ episodes due to it involving a spreading disease and all. Also thinking that maybe this was what inspired Children of the Corn. But yeah, it was meh. Not horrible, but not great either. My biggest issue is how Miri betrayed the group just because she was jealous of Rand. But TBF Jim sweet-talking probably didn’t help and while he DOES have a mostly good reason for it and it was mostly just sweet-talking with nothing gross intended, it just looks SO wrong nowadays. Likely unintentional and they DID need her help to figure out what was going on and her crush on Kirk was the best place to appeal to her and again nothing gross behind anything, but yeah another sign of the show’s age cause that would NOT fly nowadays. But mainly the whole disease thing while we’re nearing a year into the pandemic… didn’t help make me get into the episode. It’s okay, but not one to revisit for a good while."

(Original Post)

Rewatch Thoughts

I've been feeling mixed about coming back to this one. On the one hand, it has one of my favorite Spones scenes ever (I hadn't gotten into the ship yet, hence why the original post doesn't mention it). On the other hand, it's Kirk manipulating a girl who is physically and mentally a young teenager. Do I even need to explain how f-ed up that is? But I expected to hate episodes like Charlie X on rewatch, and I didn't. Plus, I'm watching this as the pandemic has cooled down, at least in comparison to early 2021. So, how did this one fair this time around?

Eeeeeehhhhh?

It's not horrible, but I didn't really care for it either? There's stuff I like, but a lot of it is just... icky. I liked the scenes with the Triumvirate and he overall atmosphere, but most everything else... just didn't do it for me.

Having kid actors can go various ways. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It worked here, the kids come across as creepy as you'd expect after being stuck alone for 300 years. Which that in and of itself is confusing as heck. I don't know, the scenes do their job I guess, but it's just not my thing. Like I said in the original post, it gives me major Children of the Corn vibes, and that just is not my thing.

There's also the matter of Miri herself. Reading back through my old watchthrough... I was really hard on her, and I shouldn't have been. This is a young kid, whose been alone for who knows how long in an incredibly unstable world where the adults are all dead and others are slowly turning the same way, herself included. Of course she'd be willing to betray the adults because she saw Kirk with Rand. She's a confused child who is being used by said adults. Plus, she's very clearly in denial about the disease, which I failed to take into account the last time. When rewatching this, I just felt pity for the poor girl.

That being said, there are several things with Miri and the kids that I don't like. The implications that puberty means you don't like the stuff you did as a kid is annoying, but I'll let that slide. The biggest issue honestly is Kirk himself. I love the man... but Dear God this might be him at his most awful thus far. I know he's playing into Miri's crush for the sake of saving himself and the others, and he doesn't do anything gross. But even knowing that, it just feels so freakin' wrong. And no, Miri actually being hundreds of years old does not deter anything because she is very clearly still a teenager mentally. Again, I understand why, but that doesn't make it any less uncomfortable to watch.

Really, I'd have probably been fine had they just had the Landing Party beam onto an Earth-like world, unaware that a disease either killed everyone or drove them insane. Then they have to try and figure out a cure to save themselves while dealing with the monstrous survivors and to not lose themselves to the virus. That can still make for a good plot and keep the drama since you could have Kirk and McCoy at each other's throats, Spock being the only one immune/not going insane trying to keep everything together, etc. You can still have the aging virus and the implications as you imagine what had to have happened to the kids without adults and that the survivors are most likely the surviving older kids that have now turned. It could be the ST equivalent of a zombie apocalypse, at least in setting and atmosphere. That would have been a Hell of a lot better than 'Kirk manipulates a 300-year-old teenage girl' and allowed for some good character/thriller drama. I'm just saying.

While I think she has one or two more appearances after this, this is as I recall Rand's last major episode, so I feel that this is a good time to voice my thoughts about her. I really I just feel bad for her. She's crushing on a man who's going to choose to be a captain first, had a really horrible encounter with said man a few episodes ago, and really just thinking about this episode, The Enemy Within, and Charlie X, her time on the Enterprise feels like a nightmare. It's worse if you know why her actress left the show, which makes it all the more disgusting to look back at. I liked Rand well enough, and I'm disappointed that she was wasted like she was. But I also don't know what else she could have done since Spock and McCoy are around for Jim to talk with and otherwise doesn't have much purpose except as Kirk's possible love interest. One that we know he wuldn't be able to commit to. The worst part is that the show really lost nothing when she left, which just shows how much they really didn't care at the end of the day. Hopefully her time later under Sulu's command was better.

Spock and McCoy were the best part of this episode, bar none. They're not as in focus as Kirk, but they have some of the best moments. The scenes with just them and Kirk interacting (and Rand) were fantastic, with Shatner, Nimoy, and Kelley bouncing off each other so well. Even small moments like McCoy lingering with the broken tricycle? Such excellent bits that add so much to the characters. Of course the best Spock/McCoy scene, and the best scene of the whole episode tbh, is at the end when McCoy injects himself with the untested vaccine. He knew full well that what he was doing was dangerous, but there's no time left, and the episode has made it painfully clear that he's going to be the one who goes insane from the disease first. If it works, then they're saved. If not and he dies, at least they'll know, and he won't be able to hurt anyone. This is such a defining moment for him.

Spock of course disagreed because it was too dangerous, but as soon as he's gone, McCoy does it. Spock checks his vitals before grasping onto his hands, watching his face and staying there even when Jim comes back and even as the marks fade. Watching McCOy is one thing, but holding his hands? Were's the logic there Spock? The two bicker, and bicker even more as the show continues. Even here, Spock couldn't help but try to prod at McCoy (and yes, he started it) just because McCoy said the disease didn't like green blood, but as soon as it looks like the doctor may die? He's right there and doesn't leave him until most likely McCoy regained consciousness, or they were able to beam him up now that he was cured. Now that's a missing scene I'd have loved to have seen. This is the section of S1 where we really start establishing the Spock and McCoy relationship a lot more, and this was by far one of those moments.

But is that enough to make me like the episode as a whole? Mmm... no. There's enough scattered moments to keep it from rating lower than Mudd's Women, but it doesn't make me want to watch it outside those moments either. Even without the pandemic, the episode made me uncomfortable and unlike The Enemy Within, where it's just one or two scenes that happen early on, it doesn't have enough to make me willing to sit through it. There's certainly good in it, but overall? It's a pass for me.

Original Rating: 3/5 Rewatch Rating: 5/10

[My TOS Reviews]

[TOS S1 Reviews]

[Previous Review] / [Next Review]

[thewrittingworldofeva]

"God or Gods, does it matter?" PART 18

The base of the story :

“York is envied by the Vikings and during the battle, Ivar sees a Saxon girl fight with one of his warriors. The protagonist has a brother with the same disease as Ivar.”

NA : Well hello! I know it's been a while, I am so sorry... It's just my life was so hectic a couple times and I was lacking inspiration too. I also didn't get the time to correct the finished chapters so that is why I post all of them tonight. Hope you will still like my story! For the next chapter, it is a little bit spicy and I'm not gonna lie I block... I have difficulties writing what I imagine in my head... So I'll do my best to post it! Thank you so much for your support everyone, it means a lot to me! xo

Ligeia leaves the great hall. “You look like you were holding your breath.” She jumps scared, putting a hand on her chest. “Damn it Pollo !” He laughs before standing up. “You’ve never been so easy to scare Lili. You seem tense since …” Worries can be read on Apollo’s face, but Ligeia was quick to reassure him. “I’m fine ! You don’t need to worry about me, okay ?” She said with a smile trying to convince him. He scanned her face not believing her and hums away her lie. “Would you walk with me?” He asks, offering his arm. She can’t contain her smile at the word walk. “Of course!” She nods and links her arm with his. “I wanted to talk to you, about something.” He starts a little bit nervous. Sensing his nervousness, she frowns. “You can talk to me about anything freely. So, what do you want to tell me?” Ligeia demands softly. 

“Well… Tida and I, have known each other since day one! And our relationship has evolved since then as you know. And I want to take it a step further but I want your approval.” She froze making them stop walking. She looks at him speechless. “Are you telling me you want to propose to her?” She questioned. “Yes.” He turns red, shy. “And you want my benediction?” She added. “Exactly.” Little by little, a smile cracks her face. “Of course, you got my benediction! You don’t even need to ask me this question!” She said with excitement. Apollo breathes out, the stress leaving his shoulders. “If you really love her and this is what you want, I have no right to be against it.” She said truly happy that her little brother has found his significant other. “Thank you so much, for everything you do for us.” He said looking at his big sister with unbelievable respect. “I have to take care of you, no need to thank me.” She said humbly. 

Selfless. That’s the thing that annoyed Apollo the most, about Ligeia. Her selflessness. She always put Rosalia, him, and others first, neglecting herself. She deserves to be happy, to be loved, to be taken care of. She deserves to be treated like a woman. He knows there’s something between Ivar and her, but she doesn’t see it or doesn’t want to see it. Everybody sees it but not them. Ivar is totally transparent when he comes to Ligeia, but she seems oblivious about it.

Later in the evening, during supper, everyone sits at the table, but there is only one person missing. Ligeia. Ulla tries to convince her to get out of her hiding place. “Li’ you look gorgeous, come out now!” She said slightly annoyed. “Can’t I just wear my usual clothes? Pants?” Ligeia tries to negotiate. “No! It’s Apollo’s special day, so no pants!” Scold Ulla standing up, starting to pace in the room. Ligeia finally comes out of her hiding place. “Look at me, Ulla!” She says opening her arms. “The dress is too… tight! Everything is out!” Ulla looks at her with a jaded look. Ligeia has the body that every woman wants. Boobs, hips, thighs, all of them harmonious and healthy.

“Listen carefully to what I am going to say… Your body is literally sculpted by the gods! I wish I got one bit of your body! Look at me, I look like a witch’s tit! Your boobs, Gods, I am envious of your breast!” Ligeia, blushing hard, stays silent listening to her friend completely latching out on her. “So, stop talking bullshit, and let’s go!” The Saxon woman simply nods and follows her friend. 

Meanwhile, in the Great Hall, Apollo was worried about not seeing his older sister and he was extremely nervous. Ivar was playing with his knife, looking at everyone around the table. The door opens, and Ligeia appears. Ulla helps her take off her cloak. Ivar’s eyes block on the Saxon. He tried to keep his face as neutral as possible. She is wearing a black dress, simple without embroideries, the most simple dress it can exist. It was so well-fitted, that it was almost indecent to look at her. Ivar gives a circle and looks around the room, and every man present looks at her in awe. One of the servants guides her to her seat, which is right next to Ivar. Her hair is loose. The turtleneck dress, adds elegance and power, even though she doesn’t know that. She sits without looking at him. “Ivar.” She salutes. “Ligeia.” He returns, before bringing his cup to his lips. 

“What an entrance!” Said Apollo arriving behind her. She looked behind her shoulder, and find her little brother all clean and with a shine in his eyes. He is happy. Happy to be here with his family, and the woman he loves. “You look magnificent.” He said and kissed her cheek. “Thank you, and so are you.” She smiles back, caressing his cheek. He straightens himself and grabs a cup. “On this lovely evening, I got a very important question for Tida.” He faces the red hair lady. “Would you give me the honor to be your husband?” He finally asks, his heart beating fast. Tida’s eyes are watery, she stands up and runs into his arms. “Yes! I want to be your wife too!” She said happily. They kissed each other and everyone screams for the future union. 

Ligeia looks at them with love and sadness. Ivar enjoy her head turned, giving him the opportunity for gazing at her. He felt something on his right cheek. He turns his head in that direction and finds Hvitserk with a saucy grin. Bjorn is amused by the behavior of the last one. Ubbe, smiling in silence. “You know, brother, your eyes tell a lot.” Started Ubbe. “So, what do my eyes say?” Ivar asks with sarcasm. “That you want her.” Stated Ubbe. “But for that, he needs to make a move.” Continued Bjorn. Flashbacks of this night in his tent when they kissed, and the feeling of her body against his, appeared in his mind. He can suppress his smirk. Hvitserk saw his smile and he lit up and leaned on the table. “Unless something has already happened.” Acknowledge Hvitserk. Bjorn and Ubbe turn to Ivar, surprised by Hvitserk’s words.

Ivar gives him a death glare. Thankfully, the music and the people talking were loud. “This is not of your business brother.” He says sharply. “It is since you look at her like she is the most beautiful thing in the world, or like you’re going to eat her.” Protested Hvitserk, with mischief in his eyes. The two oldest are enjoying what is unfolding in front of them. Ivar breathes out by his nose. “We just kissed, when she has come back from the battlefield. She was furious with me. I don’t know, it just happened.” He explained quickly feeling embarrassed. “Did you like it?” Asks Hvitserk curious. Bjorn gives him a slap behind his head. “Of course he liked it! Why would he look at her like this, if he didn’t like it, uh?” Declare Bjorn with his strong accent. Hvitserk grumbled something in his beard and rubs the back of his head, where Bjorn has hit him. 

They stop talking about it, and the festivities continued. Ivar’s hand was resting on the table. She looked at it and her brother’s words echoed in her mind. “You deserve to be happy Lili.” Without question, she put her hand next to his and slightly touches it with her pinky finger. Ivar looks down at his hand, then at Ligeia. They stayed like this for a moment. Ivar suddenly gets closer to her, leaning on the table trying to grab the jug of ale. Her heart rate goes crazy, making her hold her breath. His smell was alluring, and his body heat radiated on her.

He is pressing his body gently against hers, his free hand on her back. She straightens her back at the contact. When he backs off, with the pitcher in his hand, his other hand slide to the bottom of her back. Ligeia blushes violently. Apollo and Ulla, watch quietly in the distance. They glance at each other with an accomplice smile. She doesn’t know what she was doing, but she was doing it. Every time she locks eyes with Ivar she can see the fire in his eyes, sending shivers down her spine. Nobody has looked at her with such intensity and unspoken promises.

Hours later, the Great Hall begins to empty. Ligeia helps the slave clean the place. Ivar still sitting, looking at her come and go. They end up alone. She was nervous. “Do you need help with them?” She says, pointing at his braces. “A slave can do it.” He answers his deep and raspy. “I know, but I don’t mind helping you.” She says softly. He stands up, with the help of the table and his crutch. He walks in the direction of his bedroom. Ligeia follows him, she stops at the entrance. Ivar stops in the middle of the room and turns around to face her. She knows that if she entered, there will be no going back. The memories of their kiss, the sensations, the emotions, her physical reaction to his touch. All of this is graved in her brain. She was scared of herself, scared of her feeling, scared of him.

“What are you doing to me?” She whispered weakly. Ivar watches her standing at his door, her arms against her body. “Because I don’t like it, it terrifies me.” Finally, the truth comes out. Ivar welcomes the information like a breath of fresh air. They both feel the same, they were scared. “You scare me too.” She was looking to the side, but the sudden confidence makes her lock eyes with him. She takes the time to observe him, and scan him. He was nervous, his hand holding his crutch with a certain grip. “Is the threat of killing me still on the table?” She asks with a light tone and a shy smile, trying to soften the atmosphere. Ivar chuckles, making him relax. “I never meant to actually kill you.” He confessed non the less with confidence, burning her with his piercing blue eyes. She flushed, he delights in the pink shades of her cheeks. Without controlling his tongue, he says: “I like when you blush because of me.” He immediately punches himself in the head.

She steps in, slowly, keeping a respectable distance between them. “You are the only one to make me blush.” She admitted with a nervous laugh.

“Since we are speaking our minds, I like when you looked at me when you think I don’t know.” Ivar looks away. “How did you find out?” He questioned. “When you look at someone or something, you look with too much intensity Ivar.” She teases him. “Sleep well, Ivar.” She pivots going to leave, but he grabs her wrist. “Ligeia… stay, please.” He begs, for the first time.

tags : @youbloodymadgenius @al-lwiisa @akaward-potato

[theosb0rnway]

All of my random thoughts after rewatching ZeroZeroZero Episode 7: Family

First off, episode 7 wins the award for both my favorite and least favorite episode in the whole season.

Now I only watch the parts of the show which feature the Lynwood family, so I'm definitely not aware of the entire plot of the show, just what happens with them in this episode.

I actually own a shirt very similar to Chris's yellow flannel and after watching the episode I had a GOOD long cry with that shirt.

Chris and Amina were the cutest together and they deserved WAY more screen time than the 4 or 5 minutes that they got. I counted how many seconds they were silent for in the car after both saying they were single and... 20 SECONDS. WOW.

I COULD SEE DIRECTLY THROUGH CHRIS'S MAN BUN IN THE DINNER SCENE. Straight through the bun. This is TOTALLY not the reason why I grew my hair out recently- Not at alllllll-

Chris dances like a weirdo and I love him for it. He dances like I do and I appreciate finally getting a scene where he looks happy.

I don't know why Emma in makeup and a dress slightly freaks me out, but it does. Also, when you pronounce Thanksgiving, the emphasis is on the GIVING, NOT the THANKS--

I love how Chris looks so handsome in his fancy shirt and vest and pants AND THEN HE WEARS SANDALS ON THE BOTTOM. WHY.

I love Amina's outfits and this girl deserved way better than what she got. I love Amina.

Chris going crazy in Amina's apartment just makes me annoyed because boy, you don't even live there, stop trashing everything!

I can hardly get through the last five minutes of this episode without sobbing and breaking down. I usually avoid the last five minutes just so I don't have to see Stefano's stupid fucking face killing my boy. As someone who has watched almost every Dane DeHaan film, show, and short film in existence, watching a Dane character die never gets easier, and Chris is a prime example of a Dane who did NOT deserve his fate.

The fact that he lied to Stefano's face, took him to an empty warehouse, and refused to give him any information shows just how brave he was in the end. If he had any fear of death, I don't know, but from the way he talked, he didn't seem like he did, especially with his disease creeping up on him slowly. Chris deserved better, but in the end, he was still a good man and a hero for protecting his sister and the legacy of the company.

Because I'm nice, I'll end off with my funniest thoughts of the episode: My opinion on Chris's outfits and style.

Chris's tie dye shorts are SO COOL and if I wasn't emo and sticking to a darker color scheme, I would totally try to find some knock off ones.

I also own an outfit extremely similar to the one he wears when he walks in the hotel room with Emma and Yasser.

This boy has great style, but his sandals hurt my eyes and he needs to find some other footwear. PLEASE.

As someone who has hair his length, but usually wears it as bangs, I demand to know how his hair looks so smooth and not full of gel and stays out of his face. I need his secret hair care routine, I really do-

Also, buns run in the family, Emma does a nice one in the first episode. That man bun owns my heart and I will never stop watching this episode just to see Chris's man bun. NEVER.

Alright, that's all of my huge thoughts on episode 7, I'll be diving into some clothing symbolism and other episode reviews in the future!