#if i tell ppl to stop calling me brave or stop showing me sympathy

[kenobster]

seriously, i am so sorry to anyone i have ever called brave for literally just doing the things that are required for existing lol, it's so fucking annoying

[alloverthegaf]

Rk1k thing bc I need more ppl to scream at: postrevolution, Connor struggles w/ mental illness & trauma plus discrimination from both sides. He decides he needs to escape it all and drops off Jericho’s radar. Everyone’s worried until one day an android who left a suicide note comes back w/ a new outlook on life. Connor found em and was able to help from his own struggles. He becomes known as the Deviant Shepherd over time, and Markus falls in love w a Connor who’s found a life worth living!

omg that sounds beautiful!!

WHOOPS I WAS GONNA WRITE LIKE 2 PARAGRAPHS OF NOT FIC AND KEPT GOING AND IT SLOWLY MORPHED SO BY THE END IT’S AN ACTUAL FIC LMAO

Connor’s sort of getting close to that point himself when he comes across this other android who really just doesn’t believe they can handle all of this anymore. Their stress is always so high they almost see the act as like a sick joke, a pre emptive self-destruct. Connor can relate.

He doesn’t expect to meet this android, he doesn’t even expect to try and talk him out of it. Later he insists it was simply his negotiation instincts coming to the forefront. But he convinces the android to wait, to stop and to talk to Connor. Just... have a conversation with him. The clinching point is when Connor finally admits that he understands. All too well. That’s what convinces the other android to give him - to give life - one more chance.

They talk. And talk, and talk, mostly about the other android’s trauma, but slowly Connor opens up about his own issues. The other android recognises Connor, knows who he is - everyone does, after the march, after the speech. It’s one of the reasons he decided to disappear, in the end. Couldn’t walk down the street without stares, whispers, at best. Hatred, vitriol, suspicion at worse. On a couple of times, violence.

The breaking point was when a group of androids trashed Hank’s house, where Connor had been staying. No one had been home at the time, not even Sumo, thank RA9, but Connor knew next time it might be different. He couldn’t allow that. He couldn’t let Hank or Sumo get hurt because of him.

So, anyway, the android recognises him, but there’s no suspicion or hate in his eyes, because a guy who talks someone out of ending their own life doesn’t seem like much of an assassin to him. They talk, and they bond, and they spend about a week together, just... Existing. Knowing that around the other, they can exist, however they need to, without judgement. Without questions.

This is only the start.

Two weeks later, the android - let’s call him Michael - goes back to his best friend’s apartment, where he’d been staying before he’d committed to taking his life. He’d wanted to do it far away from Samantha, the human woman who had been as kind to him before the revolution as she was after. He comes back, and he tells her about the android that saved his life. He doesn’t give details, understands Connor’s need for isolation and privacy right now. He later tells Markus; Markus does his best to keep tabs on androids that go missing, at least in the local area, and he’s relieved to find out Michael is home and safe.

He looks tired when he visits, which isn’t a surprise; leading a revolutoin is certainly a job Michael would never want. But he lights up when he sees him, hugs him and murmurs “I’m so glad you’re okay” like Michael is a part of his inner circle, not just some name on a list that Markus looks over every day.

Michael is honest about why he left, even though he feels ashamed. He can’t lie to Markus. He explains that he was preparing to end it, through stuttered sentences and averted eyes, and explains that another android saved him. Again, he doesn’t give specifics, but Markus is of curious.

“Who was this man? What did he look like?” Markus asks. He’s leaning forward on the couch, holding his hands tightly together. He looks intent, suddenly.

“Um - I “ Michael cannot lie to Markus. But he can’t betray Connor’s trust either. “I can’t say. I’m sorry.”

Markus frowns for a moment, but then leans back and looks away. A small smile crawls along his lips, and he nods. “It’s okay. I think I have an idea.” He focuses on Michael again. “How was he?”

“Struggling,” admits Michael. “But... I think maybe I helped him too.”

Over the next two months more and more androids start talking about the Good Samaritan, as they call him. Some are in similar situations to Michael, looking for a way to escape and being reminded of the reasons to keep fighting. Others are simply in trouble - homeless androids are quietly led to shelter, androids who fall victim to violence are defended. They talk about his kind and quiet nature, the way he looks at them with understanding instead of sympathy. They exclaim about how fast and brave he is in a fight. None of them admit to his identity. He’s garnered a loyalty he never asks for with the downtrodden, the depressed, the androids who are finding their lives just as hard, and often harder, post-revolution.

A YK500 tells Markus excitedly about how the man who helped her find her way to Jericho spent days showing her amazing coin tricks to cheer her up after being abandoned. Markus smiles, his shoulders dropping in relief.

Finally, six months after Connor disappeared, Hank calls Markus. Their boy’s home.

Markus doesn’t intend on kissing the daylights out of Connor in Hank’s living room, the moment he lays eyes on him, but he just. Can’t not, after missing him and worrying about him for so long, after hearing story after story of Connor’s compassion, his innate need to help, to do something. Hank curses and complains and walks out of the room in protest.

“Hi,” Markus says breathlessly when they finally break apart.

“Hi,” Connor says back. He looks flushed, and a little bewildered, like he hadn’t been more than happy to stick his tongue down Markus’ throat a moment ago. “Um. Is this a new greeting you’ve decided on while I’ve been gone?”

While I’ve been gone. Like he was on a holiday, off seeing the sights. Not missing and silent and giving Hank and Markus all kinds of nightmares. Markus moves his hands to the collar of Connor’s shirt (still so smartly dressed, even now, the shit) and grips tightly. Shakes Connor, just a little, just enough to make sure he gets the message. “Don’t ever do that again. Please.”

Connor has the grace to look sheepish. “You were worried.”

“Of course I was worried, you - “ Markus takes a breath, wills himself to stay calm. Figure’s it’s not a good idea to have their first fight two minutes after their first kiss. “Why, Connor? Why did you leave like that?”

Connor, lips downturn. He holds Markus’ hands in his own, gently pulls them away from his collar until they’re standing with their hands held between them. “I’m sorry. I - I had to. I was so adrift here, Markus, so - “ he looks away. “So scared. I felt like I didn’t belong. No...” he takes a moment to think and Markus stays quiet, aware of how rare it is for Connor to open up so thoroughly. “I felt like I shouldn’t exist.”

Markus makes a choked sound in his throat. Thinks of that first android Connor had talked back from the ledge. Connor smiles gently at him. “I don’t feel that way anymore. Really. I met so many others that felt so similarly to me...” he laughs, short and sharp. “Can you believe I thought that I was the only one? But no, so many people - so many androids - who needed someone else in their corner, needed someone to just. Pick them up. Hold them steady, for a moment. I... I’d never thought I could be that someone, before. It helped.” He smiles wider at Markus. It reaches his eyes this time, makes them crinkle at the corners in a way that is so rare and so, so precious.

Markus ducks in and kiss him again, because he can’t help it, because Connor looks so beautiful like this, calm and genuinely happy. “I’ll pick you up, next time you need someone,” he whispers, knowing it’s cheesy and not giving a fuck. He wants Connor to understand. “The next time you need someone to hold you steady, let me.” He looks Connor in the eyes, lets him see the care and desperation and just a hint of that something more he’s been feeling for Connor for a while now. “Please, let me.”

Connor stares back at him, and whatever he picks up from Markus’ expression forms tears in his eyes, even as he closes them and smiles again. He leans forward to rest his head on Markus’ shoulder and whispers back “okay.”

((btw Hank tracked Connor down a month in. He kept tabs on him to make sure he was okay but gave the kid the distance he needed to sort himself out))

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

SV ch.55

Okay I’m nervous. 

Looking at the style of murals to the sides of the corridor, there was a strong yin ambiance, and it was clear to see this was Luo Binghe’s headquarters in the Demon Realm.

But I am totally not panicking.

EDIT:

The two both had nothing to say, not giving each other a sideways glance. One in front and one behind, their footsteps made no breath of sound. The atmosphere was stiff and cold.

This is the definition of PAIN. I need some bingqiu communication right now

EDIT 2:

Pushing open the door and entering, the furnishings and arrangement of the room were quite familiar-looking. In fact, it was quite similar to the bamboo house on Qing Jing Peak.

Omg. OMG. So let me get this straight. Lbh spent years mourning his Shizun, keeping the wounds he had left him, keeping sqq's broken sword, keeping his freaking corpse and (now we find out) making a room similar to the one in the bamboo house-

This is borderline obsession and yet my heart aches for lbh so much i just... PLS Shizun. PLS.

EDIT 3:

Now acting like a miserable child and throwing tantrums, making his heart overflow with sympathy. Now again hitting his face and telling him it was all an act. Real or fake, his eyes weren’t sharp enough to clearly see autumn feathers and see through Luo Binghe’s heart to understand what he was really thinking, some parts truth and some parts hypocrisy.

(Guys, sqq is angry because lbh put on a facade in the dreamscape. He is angry and disappointed and wary of lbh possibly using the same "trick" on him again and again just to move sqq's heart. I honestly thought Shizun had understood by now.

Like, okay, lbh tricked him the second time to see if that was really Shizun or just a figment of his imagination, but can you blame him?? You have been dead for years, sqq!! He probably went insane with pain, has always been in love with you when in his eyes you betrayed him by pushing him into the abyss, come on! If you two would just fucking talk-)

While he was still brooding over these thoughts, Luo Binghe walked a step closer to him.

(A n X i E t Y)

EDIT 4: here is an exemplar of Shizun using a series of excuses to keep himself rooted in place and not back down in front of an advancing lbh. Still, he is a mess inside.

BRAVE SHIZUN.

But he was still inevitably tense, his heart stretched taut as a bowstring, his eyelids jumping and fingertips curled.

How was Luo Binghe so perceptive? He advanced another step.

“Shizun, what do you think I’m going to do to you?”

(o m g. Omg o can't feel my legs-) 　

Shen Qingqiu said sincerely, “I cannot guess.”

EDIT 5:

Luo Binghe reached out his right hand. Shen Qingqiu didn’t make a sound or movement, but his gaze couldn’t help but stick to his fingertips, following them as they reached out.

(I AM TOTALLY HYPERVENTILATING RN)

That hand was neat and slender. It didn’t look like the hand of a Demon Race young master who had already taken countless lives, but rather one which was born to pluck strings, a hand to burn incense and bathe in snow. It slid shyly over his cheek, faintly brushing his skin.

(OKAY SOMEONE NEEDS TO CALL AN AMBULANCE R I G H T T H E F U CK N O W 'CAUSE I DON'T THINK MY HEART BEATING OUT OF MY CHEST AND MY LUNGS CONSTRICTING LIKE THIS IS NORMAL?

LBH IS ToUcHiNg Shizun's cheek-)

And then it landed on his throat.

*chokes*

Lbh no- *whispers*

EDIT 6: I died, like, for 5 minutes before gathering the courage to go on. And BLESS GOD I DID BECAUSE

Luo Binghe retracted his hand. The next time he opened his mouth, it was impossible to tell if he was happy, angry, sorrowful, or joyful. “My blood, it’s not responding to my beckoning.”

AAAAHAHSNJXUDKEHXKE DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHY, BINGHE? YOU SEE, IT'S A FUNNY STORY. IT INVOLVES A SNAKE-MAN, MAIDEN SHIZUN AND MANY WOMEN-

EDIT 7:

Luo Binghe said, “It looks like in these short few days, Shizun has had another fortuitous meeting.”　

Shen Qingqiu said, “Well, what can you do about it? Make me drink it again?”　

Luo Binghe said, “You’ll run if you drink it, you’ll run if you don’t, both options are the same. I had better not make Shizun add another layer of loathing for me in his heart.”

(OKAY NO. N O. I'm not good with tension. I can't bear it. So pls stop and no one will get hurt, okay?)

Luo Binghe fixed his gaze on him for a time, then said, “Is there anything you desire?”

Shen Qingqiu said, “Anything is acceptable?”

Luo Binghe nodded. A sudden malicious sentiment arising from his gut, Shen Qingqiu bluntly said, “I want to see you as little as possible. Best if I never see you at all.”

(WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

NO

THIS IS WRONG, WHAT NOVEL IS THIS, WHAT THE FUCK FUCKITY FUCK

NO

okay it's a joke, right? Ah ah ah ah funny, now stop this. When I said I desperately wanted these two to meet, i meant to pray for FLUFF. NOT THIS. THIS. WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS.

MY HEART IS BREAKING? DO I DESERVE IT, AFTER PATIENTLY WAITING FOR THEM TO MEET? I dOn'T fUcKiNg ThInK sO, so freaking solve this-)

Luo Binghe looked like he never expected Shen Qingqiu to make this sort of request, his face paling.

(SHIZUN YOU WERE MORE CLUER THEN A FREAKING DEMONIC LORD. HUG HIM. HuG hIm Or I sWeAr-)

If you are hearing something, IT'S ME SCREAMING LIKE A MADWOMAN. THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS.

EDIT 8: thank you, system, your presence always makes my anger cool off. I love reading Shizun talk to it, it reminds me this novel is too good to be true, an yet it exists. Bless.

With a ringing notification sound, the System quietly began to download the upgrade package. Shen Qingqiu had a sudden thought and asked, “Right, what is the name of this feature upgrade?”

The System: 【Small Scenario Pusher Luxury Edition.】

SEE SEE I LOVE THE SYSTEM, IT ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT TO DO. NOT ONLY THE SMALL SCENARIO PUSHER IS BACK, IT CAME IN A L U X U R Y EDITION.

Let's go bring down those heartbreak points now

EDIT 9:

With many official duties to attend to, perhaps unable to extricate himself, all along he had not shown his face.

…or maybe that day, his glass heart had been shattered by Shen Qingqiu’s harsh words, and he didn’t dare to appear.　

Shen Qingqiu tore his thoughts away from that latter path with great difficulty.

IS THAT REGRET, SHIZUN? IS IT? I S I T? System, pls summon me and let me go hug lbh or else I'll cry

EDIT 10:

Furthermore, Luo Binghe didn’t act like the characters in the books his younger sister liked to read in his previous life and shackle him with chains, blindfolded and gagged, stripped and beaten. He might as well be content with whatever he has and make himself at home wherever he is.

(SY HAD A YOUNGER SISTER? DO YOU THINK SHE READ HARDCORE BL?)

Bull***t!　

For Shen Qingqiu to attempt to comfort himself with these words, there must be sh*t in his brains! He wasn’t some sort of Stockholm syndrome patient, feeling deep gratitude for being fattened in captivity. Don’t you understand, you need to bring about a fortunate lifestyle yourself, not by relying on others’ charity?!

(You're right, Shizun, of course. That's why there is a pretty simple solution- TALK TO LBH WITHOUT ACCUSING HIM, TRY TO UNDERSTAND. WOULD YOU?)

EDIT 11: this chapter is playing with my patience. Bamboo does not grow in the Demon Realm, but lbh ordered for ppl to find a way. Shizun FLIRTED WITH A MAID ASKING FOR SOMETHING TO EAT BUT THAT BOWL WAS PREPARED BY LBH, BECAUSE IT HAS THE SAME TASTE AND NO ONE EATS HUMAN FOOD THERE AND IT BREAKS MY HEART AND I JUST CAN'T OKAY I AM CRYING STOP THIS SHIT

EDIT 12: sqh is here!

OH. SO HE SOLD SHIZUN OUT. OH, okay. I don't know if I should hate him or congratulate him, I never know if I should consider the events from the point of view of a reader or a writer, me being both (I mean, like, I occasionally write, so I know sometimes one makes characters do strange, despicable things, not like I am a super pro write didn't want to sound pretentious, eh eh), so I'm like "what the fucking hell sqh, what about friendship?" and "omg good job mxtx, this character is so interesting, what even is moral ptf!"

And now

Lbh

Gave Xiu Ya sword back to Shizun. Let's add this to the increasingly long list of "things that show how much lbh cares for Shizun and make my heart crack"

EDIT 13:

On the other side, Shang Qinghua laughed nervously and rubbed his hands, clicking his tongue and saying, “Aiyah, I really, really never thought… the storyline would bend so far out of shape. Remarkable, really remarkable.”

Shen Qingqiu: “The stallion novel protagonist you wrote turned into a cut-sleeve, shouldn’t you be angry?”

Shang Qinghua said sincerely, “It doesn’t matter. Either way, the one he fell for wasn’t me.”

(there, see? I love him.)

Shen Qingqiu gave him a cordial middle finger, lowering his head to polish his sword. Shang Qinghua gave him a thumbs-up. “Really, you don’t need to be so pessimistic. You have good prospects for the future, quite good prospects. These golden thighs, they’re strong, reliable!”

Shen Qingqiu said, “Take your ****ing golden thighs. If I have to hug those thighs, where do you think they’ll take me? Between the legs!”

Shang Qinghua: “Between the legs is even better, ah. Between the legs is a man’s most important place.”

(OMG OMG THIS turning out too good I'm having too much fun!!

Sqh surely is a man of wisdom. BLESS HIM.)

EDIT 14: okay plot, PLOT.

“…” At long last Shen Qingqiu knew the true origin of all those plot holes. “So you just went to write the harem plotline, and might as well leave the more serious Bing-ge’s dad plotline full of holes?”

(So the big final boss should have been lbh's dad? FATHER-IN-LAW IS REALLY GONNA SHOW UP IF SHIZUN FILLS THE HOLES? I AM SO SO S O O O O FREAKING EXCITED.

But I am honestly scared, 'cause this means whatever sqh's previous plan for the novel were, they may still happen. That means everyone is potentially in danger, if the danger is not lbh.)

EDIT 15: SQH WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING USEFUL ABOUT HOW HE WANTED TO BUILD SQQ'S CHARACTER AND THEN WHAT?

Lbh comes.

Like, I love you baby, but-

Luo Binghe’s eyelashes drooped. After standing for a bit, it seemed he had come to a major decision. He said stiffly, “Even though those earlier events happened in a dream realm, I took advantage of Shizun. But the feelings I revealed to you then, those were not false.”

(GOOD BABY. G O O D. Let it sink, let Shizun understand how much you care.l

EDIT 16: lbh is trying to finally, finally let Shizun understand how he felt and why he did what he did and I'm so glad he is trying. I get why these two would need to learn how to trust one another all over again, that is totally okay, it's fine if they need to guard their feelings for a while before settling this problem, so reading about them talking, about lbh trying to reach Shizun fills me with hope.

His face gradually settled into a gloomy expression from his sneer. Drawing closer the distance between the two, he said, “But what if I said, that towards Shizun, I only remember, not hate, most likely I wouldn’t be believed.”

SEE. SEE.