#if i put it off any longer I'll never start it and the summer break isn't actually that long so i really have to | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

confused-pyramid · 2 years ago

Text

Damage is Done

pairing: rafe cameron x pogue!reader

summary: You and Rafe hooked up when you first moved to the OBX, and he hasn't been able to get you out of his system ever since.

word count: 8.6k

warnings: SMUT, slight dub-con, p in v, fingering, overstimulation, oral (f!receiving and m!receiving), hair pulling, choking, dark!rafe, toxic relationship, drinking, vague discussions of mental health

The air feels hot and humid even as the sun sets on the first day of summer. The annual start of summer bonfire is just getting underway, and you can already feel yourself starting to perspire. Not even your bikini top and denim shorts are small enough to keep the heat away tonight.

"Where the hell is JJ with my beer?" you grumble as Kiara takes a seat on a log next to you. "I'm melting over here."

Kie, who hasn't even started to glisten, just laughs. "That's what you get for being from out of state. All of us locals are used to the heat by now."

You feign a laugh and shove her shoulder. "You're hilarious. I've been living in the OBX for two years now, when are you guys gonna stop giving me shit for being from Boston?"

"When you're no longer from Boston."

You look up to see JJ and Pope, the first of whom hands you a full cup of metallic beer. The first time you tasted beer from a keg, you spat it out after a single sip. Since then, you've grown to love the taste of metal.

By the time you down your cup, the party raging around you finally starts to get exciting. You spot John B dancing with some girl who's clearly here on vacation, and watch as Pope stares longingly at Kie...who is staring at JJ.

Shaking your head, you stifle a smile and head over to the keg to fill your cup again. When you arrive, the line seems to go on forever, so you turn around, looking for something different, or a bit stronger.

"Looking for something?" a voice calls from next to you. You turn your head to see a shirtless Rafe Cameron holding up a bottle of whiskey. "Hey, Boston. I'll pour you a finger if you ask nicely."

Perfect. Just who I need to see today.

"Just give it to me, Rafe," you grumble, reaching out to grab the bottle. Humor dances in his eyes and you gulp, hating the fact that you are still affected by his bare skin.

He pulls it away at the last second, making you stumble forward slightly. He's much taller than you, and you have to tilt your head back to meet his eye, but that's how he likes it.

"I said nicely," he grins, holding the bottle out again.

Rafe can see the anger growing behind your eyes, and it builds the excitement in his own. He's only seen you mad on a few occasions, but that was when you were the most fun.

You roll your eyes, tossing your empty cup at his feet and shaking your head. "Whatever, Cameron. I'm not playing this game with you."

You turn and start walking across the sand to your friends, when a hand grabs your wrist and spins you back around. "Rafe, what the fu-"

"We need to talk," he mutters under his breath as he leans in close - too close.

You take a step back and put on what you hope is your most menacing look. "We are never talking about what happened, okay? Ever."

This time when you storm off, he lets you, and you make your way back to your friends, hoping they didn't see any of what just occurred. When you sit back down on the log next to Kiara, JJ's spirited recounting of a time when he stole a six-pack lets you know that you're in the clear.

***

You are waiting for JJ to finish his shift at the docks when you see Rafe again. He is grabbing something from his yacht when he catches your eye, and you look around for a moment before deciding that making a break for it would draw too much attention.

He takes his sweet time walking over, and you squint against the bright sun as he finally stands in front of you.

"Finally stopped avoiding me?" he taunts, his voice low over the heavy breeze.

You laugh humorlessly. "I'm not here for you, Rafe."

"You're on my side of the island."

Of course that's how he would see it. The separation between Kooks and Pogues is something you still have a hard time wrapping your head around, but each interaction has made it clear that you may be the only one.

"I'm not doing this with you," you sigh loudly, turning to see if JJ has appeared yet. "Just go back to your fucking yacht and let me live in peace."

Your words are laced with malice, but he can sense the tension hidden under your tone. He gives you a once-over, taking in your skimpy tank and shorts, and frustration flares behind his eyes as he realizes just how much you have started to look like all the other Pogues you hang out with.

"So it's about the money," he says, his voice slowly ramping up as he speaks. "If the only reason you can find to hate me is my money...then maybe try a little fucking harder."

"I don't fucking care about your money, Rafe," you gape, appalled by the fact that he could boil it down to something so small. "You're not a good person. All you do is bring out the worst in people."

Something that looks like hurt crosses his face for a split second before it turns into a frightening air of pride. "Like I did with you?"

You blanche, glaring at him even as your face flushes with embarrassment. "I didn't hear you complaining."

He wipes the corner of his lips with his thumb, glancing behind you for a moment, before leaning down to your level. "My mouth was a little preoccupied."

Heat sizzles through your veins and you feel a gush of wetness as his breath tickles the shell of your ear. There's a ghost of a smirk on his face, but there's also a flare of irritation in his eyes that sets off a nervous excitement inside of you. You don't know what it says about you that you like the fact that he looks like he wants to tear you apart just to put you back together again.

Your eyes fall shut for a moment, before you regain your senses and shove him away. "Fuck off, Rafe."

"Leave her alone, Cameron!" JJ's voice suddenly calls from behind you.

Fuck. Of course he saw JJ, he's just trying to get a rise out of you in front of the Pogues.

You close your eyes for a beat, and when you open them again, Rafe is wearing an amused expression.

"See you around, Boston," he salutes before spinning on his heels and walking away.

You paste a smile on your face when JJ comes up behind you, and when he asks if Rafe was bothering you, you don't know why you end up saying 'no'.

***

Before you know it, the Midsummers party is around the corner. Kiara's family makes her go all out for the celebration, and John B has been sneaking off to meet up with Sarah Cameron, still pretending that they all don't already know what's been going on between them.

When John B finds out that Pope and JJ are both working at the event, he approaches you with a plan to get in, but you decide that simply asking Kie to be her plus one may be a simpler solution, for you at least.

When the evening of the party finally arrives, you find yourself in Kiara's room, getting ready for an event you have never seen the likes of before.

"What's with all the flowers and stars and shit?" you ask as she hands you a flower crown that looks like hers, but slightly smaller.

She shrugs, placing her crown over her hair. "Don't ask me. I've just been dragged to this party every year since I was 13."

You would never admit it, and especially not to Kie, but you're actually pretty excited for Midsummers. Ever since your family packed up and moved out to Kildare, you've only really gotten to experience the Pogue life, and while your friends were everything you wanted and more, a taste of Kiara's upbringing wasn't entirely unwelcome.

She may complain about the Kook life, but there was something to be said about having everything you needed at your fingertips...and that something spoke to you.

The country club is decorated beautifully when you arrive with Kiara and her family, and you take a moment to soak in the warmth of the torches and the scent of flowers that waft around you.

It smells...expensive, for lack of a better word. And you don't hate it.

Rafe notices you the moment you walk in. He doesn't even bother trying to tell himself that his eyes were just wandering, because ever since he found out the Carreras had added a plus one, he hadn't stopped looking for you. He half-expects you to turn your nose up at this event, just like Kiara always had, so he's taken by surprise when he sees the wistful expression that crosses your face.

You like it here. The thought brings a small smirk to his face and he takes a sip of champagne to hide his glee. He doesn't have to hide for long, because his expression immediately falls the moment your waiter friend comes by and pulls you into a spinning hug.

Rafe turns away from the scene and tunes back in to the conversation he was having with Topper and Kelce.

"I feel like Sarah's been avoiding me," Topper continues miserably, and Rafe resists the urge to roll his eyes.

Of course she's avoiding you. She can't handle being committed to anyone, let alone a spineless prick like you.

He has had just about enough of Top's complaining for tonight, so he downs his glass in a hefty gulp and walks out onto the dance floor to get some air.

That's when you notice him. His pale blue suit makes him look soft under the waning sunlight, but you know better. Even if you sometimes wish you didn't.

You watch as he grabs a champagne flute from a waiter's tray and takes a long swig. Memories of his lips trained somewhere else send a shot of heat through your abdomen, and you press your legs together under your dress.

His throat bobs as he swallows the bubbly liquid, and you don't realize you've been staring until Rafe's eyes meet yours.

Your eyes widen and you turn away immediately, but it's too late. You don't have to look to know that he's coming up to talk to you, and before you can formulate an escape plan, he is standing beside you.

Rafe can feel the tension wafting off of you, and while he does love to agitate you, he definitely doesn't want to cause a scene and embarrass his family.

He leans over by a fraction of an inch and his bicep glances against your shoulder. He is fully ready for you to shove him aside or start another outburst, so when you don't move, he can't help but lose his breath.

"I thought you were too cool to party with the kooks."

You scoff, looking at something out on the horizon. "I'm only here to keep Kiara company."

"You just keep telling yourself that."

He always did know how to say just the right thing to get a rise of you.

"What do you want from me, Rafe?" you ask, finally looking at him. "Just tell me what you want, so we can stop this asinine charade we've been playing for a year."

He almost doesn't know what to say now that you have finally addressed the growing tensions, but when the words form, he can't hold them in. "I want you to admit that you haven't stopped thinking about what happened that night...because I damn well know that I haven't."

It takes you a few moments to fully understand his words, but once you do, your body involuntarily takes a step back.

You would be lying if you said that you hadn't thought about what happened between you two. If you said you hadn't pictured his mouth when you slid your fingers between your thighs late at night.

Everything about that night had been a surprise, but nothing more than how Rafe Cameron had made you feel when you finally slipped under his sheets.

You can't even say you were drunk, because the expensive liquor had been too much for you and you hadn't touched your cup since arriving at the Camerons' end of summer house party.

It was your first summer on Kildare, and the Pogues had just accepted you into their ranks. You weren't sure if you would be able to fit into their tight-knit group, so you took a chance and went to a Kook party.

The drinks had been too heavy and the music too loud, but everyone was having fun, so you tried your best. However, if you had been honest with yourself, you would've known that you had come to this party for one reason. One person.

Instead, you pretended this was a way to explore the island, and when you needed a break from the party, you had gone up the stairs and sat in the first empty room you could find.

When Rafe found you there, sitting on his bed, he almost didn't seem surprised.

"I've seen you around," he had said, setting his cup on his desk, "hanging with those Pogues."

"What is with the fucking names around here," you had mumbled under your breath, until you heard his quiet chuckle. "I just don't get why you guys have divided the island like it's fucking Battleship or something."

"What's your name?" Rafe asked then, his eyes trained on yours like a hawk. "Where are you from?"

You weren't sure what you wanted out of tonight, so you stuck with a simple answer. "Boston."

He laughed again, shutting the door behind him and taking a seat on the chair opposite you. "What are you doing in my bedroom, Boston?"

You jolt out of the memory as Rafe's head dips down to look at you.

So yes, it would be a lie to say that you hadn't thought about him since. But lying to him was easy, especially when the truth had the power to tear your life apart.

"I can't," you whisper, leaning in like you have a secret. "I can't admit it, because it's not true."

His lips part with shock, and you take this second of confusion to rush down the stairs and onto the dance floor, where Kiara is waving you over.

"Was Rafe giving you trouble?" she asks as you take her hand and follow her out onto the lawn. "I would say I'll tell the guys, but my parents would kill me if I created a scene."

You laugh lightly, shaking your head. "No trouble. He was just asking what I was doing here."

She still looks concerned, so you pat her hand and cock your head over to where Pope is working with his dad. "Let's go say hi."

"I hate to say it, but the kooks really know how to throw an event," Pope muses when you approach him. "Don't tell JJ I said that."

Kie starts to laugh but it quickly turns to a cough when she points to the veranda off to the side of the party. "I guess John B found his way in."

You follow her line of sight to find John B pulling Sarah Cameron into a tight hug. When you look past her, you notice that Topper and Kelce are getting dangerously close to spotting them.

"Guys," you whisper-yell, getting their attention, "we need to buy him some time."

Kiara frowns. "I got Topper."

"I guess I got Kelce," Pope sighs as they disperse.

You glace around the party for a few moments before deciding that your efforts may be better spent inside. Pushing past all of the couples swaying on the dance floor, you walk into the country club, catching onto the railing when you stumble over your heels.

Other than a few stragglers and couples making out in the corner, the club is basically empty, most people favoring the festive pavilion. You're about to head back outside when a familiar voice calls to you from across the hall.

"If you want me to leave you alone, you gotta stop following me around everywhere."

You suck a breath in, spinning around to see Rafe sauntering over to you. "I'm starting to think you might be stalking me, Boston."

You make an undignified noise, your eyes taking in his tall form. His hair is falling into his face and you begrudgingly admit that he looks good - really good - but this isn't the time. You're supposed to be helping John B.

"Give me a break," you scoff. "Why would I be stalking you?"

Rafe shrugs, striding forward so he's a step away from being face to face with you. "That's what I'm trying to figure out, seeing as how you don't think about me."

He takes another step, his breath fanning over your temple. Your face burns as you try to avoid looking at him, but with his lips so close to yours, it's nearly impossible.

When you finally look up, his eyes are piercing, and your mouth dries up like the room has been turned up a 100 degrees.

"Now," he whispers, his eyes never leaving yours, "I'm gonna go back to the other kooks."

He takes a step around you, and you almost let him, before you remember what you're doing here in the first place: distracting him.

Running on pure instinct, you grab his arm and pull him back toward you until his lips meet yours.

Rafe can hardly believe what is going on, but your mouth is hot and sweet and he would be remiss to let you get away when he's finally gotten you back. You smell like gardenia and he takes a deep breath in as his hands grip onto your waist, pulling you closer to him under the dim light of the club.

You can taste the champagne bubbles on his tongue when he kisses you back, and you gasp against his mouth when his hands tighten on your waist and push you against the side wall, away from the view of the party.

Your back hits the wall with a thud and you almost laugh at the fact that he wants to hide this as much as you do, but it feels so good and it's been so long, that you allow yourself a second to stay in the moment. With him.

When his hands come up to tug your hair back, the sharp sting sends a shot of heat through your core and you bite down on his bottom lip for good measure.

Rafe pulls back with a wince, but he doesn't look mad. The opposite, if anything.

He presses his thumb against his lip and the sight of his blood sends you flying back to reality. Reaching forward to wipe a bit of your lip gloss off the corner of his mouth, you flash him a grin and stalk back into the party.

When your conscience comes back to haunt you later that night, you tell yourself it was all just to distract him.

***

After the party, Rafe screws his eyes shut as the girl kneeling in front of him takes him in her mouth, her lips gliding up and down his length at a maddening pace.

His head falls back and he resists the urge to grip her hair and pound up into her, even though his body is begging for a release. He doesn't want to touch her or taste her or even open his eyes, because then he'll remember that she's not you, and that's exactly what he needs tonight.

You're what he needs every night, but when he saw your blond friend tuck his face into your hair as you left the party, he had seen red and needed an immediate reprieve.

His cock twitches in the girl's mouth and he allows himself a single moment to imagine it's you instead. To picture your soft lips and wide eyes and -

A groan tears through his throat and he spills into her willing mouth.

***

It doesn't take long for Sarah to insert herself into the Pogues, but once she and Kie figure out their shit, you find that you don't mind having another girl around.

She was fun to hang with at the Chateau, and she was a great surfing buddy, so when John B recruits the gang to break her out of her house late one night, you don't question it.

As usual, the plan is pretty much to go with the flow, but once you make it to the Cameron property, the risks of what you're about to do finally hit you all.

"Okay, fuck this," Kie sighs, holding her hands up. "We need an actual plan this time. I say John B and y/n sneak up to her room to get her, while JJ, Pope, and I create a distraction out back."

You nod, fist bumping John B and saluting the rest of the group. "Let's do this."

Once you find an open window at the back, the plan goes into motion, with Kiara and the guys lighting a pillow on fire while you and John B hide behind curtains on the first floor.

When Ward and Rose run out back, you both hightail it up the stairs before slowing to a tiptoe on the top floor.

"I'll get her from her room," John B whispers to you as he sneaks along the wall of the hallway, "you keep a look out."

He slinks off down the hall as you backtrack, being careful not to make any noise. You hear a few excited whispers from Sarah's room, but you don't notice anything else until a hand clamps over your mouth and pulls you back into a room off the hall.

You stop trying to scream when the door shuts and you realize you're in Rafe's bedroom. Peeling his hand away, you shove him off, glaring at him as he smirks back.

"Now I really think you're stalking me," he grins, pushing his hair back from his face. "What are you doing here, Boston?"

"That's none of your business," you spit, turning on your heels to leave.

You don't make it to the door before Rafe's hands spin you back around and push you against the wall. There's a small thud as your back makes contact, but no pain comes until he presses his hand to your throat, keeping you in place.

"Actually," he licks his teeth, "seeing as how it's my house, I think it is my business. Now spill it, Pogue."

"I can't say anything while you're choking me," you grit out, your voice just barely constricted by his hand.

He barks out a laugh, his hand tightening on your throat until it actually hurts. "You call that choking? When I'm really choking you, you'll know...because you'll be begging for more."

Against your every instinct, heat floods your core, and you know he's right. You know that whatever this is, whatever dark, animal urges he is running on, so are you.

He must notice the shift in your eyes, because his face dips down and your chin involuntarily tilts up to meet him halfway when a voice whisper-yells from the hall.

"Y/n!" Sarah calls out, "where are you?"

You use this moment of distraction to push him off and slip through the doorway before he can make himself seen.

You meet the group at the bottom of the stairs, where they are all waiting.

"Where the hell were you?" Pope asks, concern tinging his impatience.

You wave away his confusion, following them out of the house. "I thought I saw someone, so I hid in one of the spare rooms."

It's not the truth, but it's close enough that you allow yourself the omission. The part of you that wanted a person like Rafe; the part that was drawn to the darkness, instead of running from it...that part of you needed to stay hidden, even if it meant lying to the people you loved most.

***

Every Friday night, you guys would all have a 'Pogue party' at the chateau. This always consisted of drinking, smoking, and playing stupid games until everyone passed out for the night, and tonight was no different.

The air was sticky with heat and John B had left his door open to let whatever fresh air there may be in.

You're already a couple of shots in when JJ finishes his joint and starts to get paranoid, like he usually did.

"We need to figure out how we're gonna get back at the Kooks for what happened at Midsummers," he commands, his hands gesticulating wildly. "They can't get away with treating us like shit."

"I actually agree with him," Pope nods, taking a sip of his beer. "We need to retaliate so they know we won't take their shit lying down."

Kiara lets out a small laugh as she hops up to sit on the arm of the couch JJ is lying on. "What do you propose we do then? Set fire to their backyard? Already done."

You don't even register that it's you talking when you blurt out, "What if we just let it go."

You blink when the rest of them gape at you, only then realizing what you said. "That was a joke."

"Good," JJ squints, a small frown coloring the edges of his mouth. "So anyway..."

You stand up from your spot on the couch and head into John B's kitchen with some lame excuse about getting another drink. You have no idea where your comment came from, but if you had to guess, you think it may have something to do with the growing presence Rafe has had in your life recently.

You grab a bottle from the counter and take a long swig that burns your chest from the inside out. The flavor just reminds you of the whiskey on his tongue from the night you got together, and the bottle almost falls from your grasp.

It takes you almost an hour to get your bearings again, but when you head back into the living room, the rest of the gang is asleep.

Sighing, you lay down on one of the couches and close your eyes.

***

An hour later, you're no closer to falling asleep than you were when you first closed your eyes. Your mind keeps wandering to memories that you have kept locked away for a long time - too long.

The sound of a soft breeze hitting the wind chimes out front lulls you into a quiet trance and for once, you finally let yourself succumb to the memory.

"What are you doing in my bedroom, Boston?"

"I got lost," you said simply, shrugging. You both knew you were lying, but that's what made it more fun.

He had flashed you a sly smile and you had wanted so bad to just reach out and trace the seam of his lips with your fingertip. He looked so pretty under the soft moonlight, and you were the kind of girl who knew how to get what she wanted.

You knew that was probably why you had been so infatuated with Rafe since coming to the island. Because of the challenge. Because he's a Cameron, and you're practically a Pogue, and something about getting a taste of the darkness excited you more than you'd care to admit.

"Why don't I believe that?" he asked, his voice coming out like a breath. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs, and you had to exercise all of your self control to keep from staring at the way his biceps strained in his button-down. "I know about you, Boston. I've seen you watching me."

"Oh yeah?" you had smirked, pressing your feet into the ground and inching your legs apart. "What are you gonna do about it?"

Your eyes fly open and you sit upright, your breaths coming out in short spurts. This was too much to bear, even without the other Pogues sleeping all around you.

Taking a deep breath, you carefully step over JJ's sleeping form, making sure to avoid the creaky floorboards on the way to the door. You slip through the open doorway and out into the trees, feeling more and more reckless, the farther you get from the chateau.

It's a long walk to the Cameron mansion, but the fresh air doesn't help clear your thoughts. You're a long way from the girl you were when you first moved to the OBX, but Rafe keeps finding a way to prove that you still have the desire for pain and discomfort. For danger.

When you get to their front porch, you allow yourself one moment to pretend that you're here to get Sarah, but when Rafe pulls the door open, you can't deny it any longer.

He must be able to see it on your face, because his mouth curves up into a slow grin that makes your eyes dance with relief.

"Is Sarah home?" you ask, maybe somehow still hoping for one last chance at a reprieve.

He shakes his head. "She just snuck out."

You nod once, glancing behind him. "Can I come in?"

He leads you out to the back balcony that has a small patio setup and a beautiful view of the ocean. "I'm assuming you don't want anyone to know you're here, so this is the farthest we can get from the bedrooms."

You press your lips together, taking a seat on one of the couches. The wind brings a slight chill, and you shiver, prompting him to hand you his hoodie.

The waves are crashing quietly against the shore, and they look like black ink under the night sky. When Rafe takes a seat next to you, you glance over at him, watching his jaw twitch as his hair rustles in the breeze.

He looks almost wistful under the dim lighting, and your brow scrunches as you try to fathom how this boy could have fallen so far.

"You hurt my friends," you whisper once the silence starts to become unbearable.

"I know."

You pause for a beat.

"You hurt me."

His eyes flicker down. "I know that too."

You run a hand through your hair, your breath coming out like a scoff. "I don't understand what you're doing, Rafe. Please, just help me understand it all, because I feel like I'm losing my mind trying to come up with excuses for you."

That gets his attention. "I never asked you to make excuses for me."

Your face contorts and he closes his eyes for a long moment. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, Boston."

"Don't you think I know that?" you cry, before bringing your voice down again. "I've just never had the best judgment when it comes to you."

"What are you gonna do about it?"

Rafe stood up from his chair, his eyes impossibly dark in the dim light of his room. "You sure you know what you're getting into?"

You nodded, your tongue darting out to wet your lips. "Do your worst."

His eyes flashed and he pushed your knees further apart, sending you falling back onto the bed. You were prepared for him to lift your dress and tear your panties off without a warning, so when all you felt were his fingers trailing up your thighs, you were almost upset.

But then he ran his cool finger down your glistening slit and you gasped loudly, turning your face into the sheets bunched up around you.

"So wet for me," he mused, sticking his finger into his mouth. "Sweet too."

Without another word, he pushed two fingers into you, sinking all the way in as you squirmed over the covers. It took a second for you to get acclimated to the feeling, but once his mouth came down to join in, waves of heat had already begun spreading through you.

You practically whined when he lifted your ankles over his shoulders, diving back in to run his tongue over your sensitive clit. Your hands came down to grip onto his hair as he continued his pleasurable assault to your dripping cunt. The sharp tug made him groan, which only sent more vibrations up your abdomen.

"Fuck, I'm close," you moaned as he pressed his hands into your stomach to keep you from rising off the bed. "Don't stop!"

Instead, he did exactly that.

"Asshole," you spat as he grinned back at you, his chin glistening with your slick.

"We're not done yet," he said simply, lifting your legs off of him and pushing you back further on the bed.

Rafe began undoing the buttons on his shirt, so you lifted your dress off, chucking it onto the floor beside his clothes. You couldn't help but watch as he slowly pulled his pants down, his thick cock springing out of his boxers.

Saliva flooded your mouth and you instinctively reached forward, hoping for a taste, but he batted your hand away. Climbing over you, he grabbed a condom from his drawer and slid it on, pumping his dick a few times for good measure.

"It's not gonna fit," you whispered as he lined himself up with your cunt.

"I thought you said you could handle it."

His smug expression sent a flare of anger through your brain and you wrapped your legs around his waist, pushing him down and inside of you.

The stretch was a perfect mix of pain and pleasure and you both moaned in tandem, his low groan blending with your sharp gasps. He pushed a bit further until he was all the way in, before starting to move.

His thrusts began slow and shallow, allowing you a few moments to get used to his size, but the moment you began to squeeze around him, he changed his pace.

"Rafe, fuck, yes," you gasped, your hands lifting up to press into his back.

His thrusts sped up, hitting the same perfect spot inside of you as the coil in your stomach wound tighter and tighter. It only took a few more seconds for the coil to snap, and you cried out, digging your nails into his shoulder blades as you spasmed around him.

Once your orgasm had finally begun to abate, he pounded into you a few more times, before spilling into the condom and pulling out.

You were lying next to him, your breaths finally starting to slow, when you saw him turn to you out of the corner of your eye. "Wanna go again?"

The sounds of the water pulsing below is all you can hear for a long time. You're so focused on the sound that you almost don't hear it when Rafe speaks again.

"I don't have an answer for you," he murmurs, his voice carrying just barely above the breeze whistling by your ears. "You said you wanted to understand me, but I don't even know what's going on inside my head half the time."

Your brow furrows and you place your hand on the couch between you two. His movements seem unconscious as he slides his fingers over so that they press against yours.

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?" you ask, turning to look at him.

"That night," he says, stumbling over his words. "Our night."

It would be so easy to lie, just like at Midsummers, but this time feels different. Lying now feels like a betrayal, and even after everything he's done, you can't bring yourself to cross that line.

"No," you sigh, pressing your hand on top of his. "I don't regret it."

***

When you get back to the chateau, Sarah is sitting on the porch.

"There you are," she pouts, standing up and giving you a hug. "Everyone's asleep inside, and JJ's sprawled out over the whole floor, so there's nowhere to step."

You laugh lightly, hoping the night's exploits aren't written all over your face. "I was just out looking for you, actually."

"Huh, weird," she frowns. "You'd think I would have ran into you on the way here then."

You shrug, hoping she'll drop it, and walk past her to get the door. You haven't even reached the knob when she grabs your arm and pulls you back, somewhat forcefully.

"Y/n," she whispers, her voice low and warning, "why are you wearing Rafe's sweatshirt?"

Your eyes widen and you yank it over your head. "Sarah-"

"What have you gotten yourself into?" she asks, her voice sounding genuinely concerned.

You look at the hoodie for another second, before tearing your eyes away from it and handing it to her. "It was nothing. It was stupid, and it won't happen again."

She takes it and ties it around her waist before shooting you a sidelong glance. "This is different. I've seen you around guys you hooked up with. This isn't like that."

You open your mouth to speak but she lifts her hand up, cutting you off. "I won't tell Kie or the guys, but you need to figure out what the hell is going on in your head."

Tears flood your vision. "I'm sorry, Sarah. I can't even imagine what you must think of me."

"Hey, don't apologize to me," she whispers, taking your hand. "I mean, I still love him after everything...what does that say about me?"

You blink the tears away and let Sarah Cameron loop her arm through yours. Maybe everything would be okay again.

***

You don't see him again until he and Barry ambush your friends at the airplane hangar. The altercation turns violent too fast and before you know it, Pope and JJ are on the ground, throwing around punches faster than you can keep up.

When Barry goes for JJ, you rush into the action, but Rafe manages to snag your arm, shoving you out of the way. You stumble back, bumping your hip painfully into the boxes beside you.

Anger and hurt fills your vision and before you can understand what you're doing, your hand flies up to slap him across the face.

He barely flinches, his teeth gritting against the pain. "That the best you got?"

Tears sting your throat, but you refuse to give him the satisfaction. "I don't even know you anymore."

Your whispered words are harsh, but Rafe is having a hard time focusing on anything other than the fact that the stinging in his cheek means you're here. But your hair is disheveled, and you have a nearly feral look in your eyes, so when Barry comes flying out of nowhere, he rushes forward to grab you.

Wrapping an arm around your waist, he lifts you up easily, even as you claw at his back, before walking out of the hangar and throwing you onto the ground.

Your palms hit the grass hard, and you smack the ground with an angry yell as Rafe rushes back inside. He knows you're going to hate him, and he knows he didn't have to be so harsh with you, but lately he hasn't been able to stop himself.

"Stay down!" he orders as you clamber to your feet. "If you come back inside, I won't be so gentle."

He thought it was bad when he wasn't able to see you, but now that he has, it's somehow worse than ever. Every time you're within reach, he has to fight between the urges to rip you apart and crush you into himself, so you never leave.

Later, when he talks to his father about what he's been feeling inside of him, the response isn't what he wants or needs. When he finally admits that he may not be okay, that he doesn't think he can control the thoughts in his head anymore, Ward's instructions to "man up" go straight to his head, where nothing is truly safe anymore.

He thought he was obsessed with getting the gold, but when it was actually in reach, something still felt missing. The more he thinks about it, the more he finds himself fixating on one person.

***

"What happened earlier?" JJ asks you when the whole group returns to the chateau that night. "When Rafe carried you out?"

The question catches you off guard and you feel Sarah's apologetic gaze on you as you open your mouth to respond. "I have no idea."

JJ doesn't look convinced, and when Sarah tries to change the subject, he bulldozes over her. "I just don't get what's going on between you two. First, he's talking to you at the boardwalk, and then he's pulling you out of fights?"

It's not a question really, but the implication is startlingly clear.

"What are you asking, JJ?" Pope warns, his eyes glancing between you two. "I don't think you're thinking this through. It's fucking Rafe we're talking about here. He's a monster, why would she have anything to do with him?"

His words ring through your ears like alarm bells and you can barely hear their argument over the noise. The sound gets louder and louder until you have to resist the urge to cover your ears.

"He's right."

It takes you a moment to realize those words came from you, but now that it's out, there's no going back.

Sarah says your name cautiously, but you shake your head, silencing her words.

"The guy I hooked up with my first summer on the island was Rafe," you say, your voice slowly growing in strength. "He's the guy I was talking about. And it wasn't just then."

Everyone except Sarah is looking at you like they've never seen you before. The shock and disgust on their faces mirrors what you felt the first time Rafe tried to hurt your friends, but with it being thrown back, you can't handle the pressure.

Tears blur your vision and you stalk out of the house, your feet taking you anywhere but here. The sound of voices yelling gets louder behind you, but you keep walking, your destination slowly becoming clearer the farther away you get.

Rafe is pulling into his driveway when you step onto the Cameron's property, and he throws his door open as soon as he notices you walking up.

"What's going on?" he asks as he slams the door shut and ushers you into the house. "Are you okay?"

You can't help but laugh, even as a few tears slip down your cheeks. "They know."

He knows what you're referring to without you having to explain, and he hesitantly steps forward, pulling you into a hug when you don't flinch. Your face presses into his hard chest and you glide your hands up his back, clutching the fabric of his tee shirt as you let out a small sob.

"They think I'm a monster," you whisper with a sniffle when you finally let go of him.

He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "They're wrong. You have to know they're wrong."

"What if they aren't?"

He looks at you then, and that spark in your eyes starts to flicker again. "What are you trying to say, Boston?"

"I'm saying..." you start, dragging your words out, "that if they think I'm a monster, I might as well prove them right."

He frowns, following you into the living room. A large part of him is ready and willing for whatever piece of yourself you will give him, but a new, even larger part wants something else for you. Something better.

"Y/n," Rafe warns, his voice dangerously low, "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

Something akin to betrayal flashes across your eyes and your mouth presses into a line. "I thought you liked- I mean, I thought you-"

"I do," he states simply. "But you're so much better than me. You know that."

"I'm not," you shake your head, stepping forward. Your hands come up to rest on his chest and his breath hitches. "So shut up and fuck me."

He considers it for a moment but his mind makes the decision for him. His hands tangle into your hair and pull you forward, his lips attacking yours harshly.

He glides his tongue across the seam of your lips, but you pull back before he can go any further.

"Upstairs," you order, before pushing past him and heading up to his room.

You get to his bedroom right before he does, but when the door shuts behind you, he shoves you onto the bed, a snarl curling his lips. "You think you can order me around in my own house?"

You shrug as he climbs over you, his hands pressing into the bed beside your face. "Watch me."

Before he can lean down and kiss you again, you latch your legs around his waist and flip him over, so you're straddling him. He lets out a breathy chuckle that dies in his throat as soon as you begin grinding onto his lap. His cock has already started to harden, even with layers and layers of clothing between you two, and you use this momentary lapse in concentration to push him back onto the bed.

Before he can stop you, you undo the button on his pants and yank them down to his ankles. Reaching onto his bedside table, you grab one of the embroidered bracelets sitting on top and use it to pull your hair back into a ponytail.

His eyes darken with lust as you sink to your knees and take his cock in your hand, your fingers unconsciously gliding up and down the shaft.

You can't help but smile as you watch him lean back, his eyes already falling closed. "My turn."

His cock is sturdy in your hand, and you run your tongue up the shaft, taking your time now that you finally get to taste him. You loosen your fingers around him, swirling your tongue over the head, before slowly taking him into your mouth.

You can feel his eagerness as Rafe's hand runs over your hair, gathering it in his fist.

When he starts to push your head down, you lift your lips off his cock and shake your head. "Look who's impatient this time."

He snarls, tightening his grip on your hair. "Just fucking take me like a good girl."

"I thought you wanted me to be bad."

You slowly run your tongue up the thick vein on the underside of his cock, fluttering your eyelashes up at him, and he almost passes out from the sight. You look so innocent beneath him, and he wants to commit this image into his memory forever, but then you hollow your cheeks around him and every thought leaves his brain.

Your mouth is so warm and wet and he only opens his eyes again when he feels you moaning around him. Glancing down, he sees your hand disappear into your shorts, and he curses, his cock twitching between your lips.

He knows he won't last another minute like this, so he pulls back up, his hand letting go of your hair. He lifts you onto the bed, taking his time to take off your tank top and unbutton your shorts.

"You're beautiful," he states when you're finally bare in front of him, as though it's simply a fact.

His eyes meet yours in the darkness and you are suddenly struck with the desire to make this night last. You know this is the last time you will get to do this, and it doesn't escape you that he's been trying to savor each moment as well.

You take your time as you undo the buttons of his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders once you've reached the bottom and laying it gently on the floor.

Rafe leans you back down and grins as he presses a kiss to your jaw. "Aren't you sweet."

"Shut up," you snipe, running your teeth over his lip as he comes back up to steal a kiss.

"So that's how you want to play this," he smirks, sucking a bruise into your neck.

His fingers still feel soft and gentle against your skin, and you wish you could get it into his head that even though this is probably the last time you will get to have him like this, you don't want it to be sweet. You want it to hurt.

"I thought I told you to fuck me."

He chuckles into your skin, before sliding his hand under your knee and lifting your leg off the bed. Without any warning, he thrusts into you, forcing you to grit your teeth to avoid making a sound.

"You're so ready for me," Rafe smirks, his calloused hands gripping your waist, "and I've barely even touched you."

You gasp, your head falling back as the pressure becomes almost too much. "It's been a while."

"No, that's not it," he taunts, his body leaning down as his lips find yours. "You just haven't been fucked right since last time."

You hate that he's right. You had tried to get your fix by hooking up with the tourists during the summers, but it had done nothing to assuage the growing frustration in your gut. Because the only person on this island who can make you feel good is the one who brings out the worst in you.

He continues thrusting into you with a pace much faster than you're used to, bottoming out each time. He reaches down to sling an arm under your waist, lifting you up off the bed to change the angle, and a sharp cry escapes your throat against your volition.

"You gotta be quiet," he grunts, lifting you further to press his forehead to yours, "or you don't stop finishing until I say so."

Your brow furrows in confusion, but then he uses his other hand to grab the headboard and starts thrusting into you even faster than before. You tilt your head up, pressing a harsh kiss to his mouth in an effort to quiet the noises trying to escape, but when your release slams into you, you can't help the gasp that flies out.

Your legs clamp around him and he uses his strength to hold you up as your body melts from the pleasure overcoming you.

Your aftershocks haven't even slowed before he spins you around, so you're straddling him, and starts pounding up into you again. Your sensitive cunt spasms helplessly around him, but he doesn't stop, even as you hiss between your teeth.

"Rafe, please, it's too much," you gasp as he holds you up so you don't back onto the bed. "I can't-"

"I told you to stay quiet," he teases, his voice growing darker as he ups his pace again. "You knew the consequences."

Even as the bed shakes from the force of his motions, the pain eventually turns to pleasure again, and you can feel your next release sneaking up on you.

He wraps your hair around his fist, giving it a quick tug for good measure, but the way your pussy squeezes around him makes him pause. "You like that, don't you?"

His grip tightens and you nod slowly, bringing your eyes back to his. His pupils darken and you feel another gush of wetness start to drip down your thighs. Your scalp stings, but you relish the pain, letting it mix in with the pleasure between your legs.

Rafe can already feel you tightening around him again, and he lifts his head to watch as your eyes screw shut, overcome by the feeling of his cock driving into you.

You look heavenly as you near the edge of the abyss, and he slides his hand down between your bodies, his thumb finding your clit. It only takes a few tweaks before you fly off the edge again, your mouth falling open with a silent scream.

Your body shakes from the force of the second orgasm and he can't hold off any longer. Pressing his face into the crook of your neck, he lets out a gasp as he finds his own seemingly never-ending release. All of the energy leaves his body as he watches you fall apart under him, and he finds that he can no longer lie to himself about how he feels.

Reality quickly comes crashing in, and you realize that you don't have any idea how to move forward. Whatever you feel for him will never be enough, no matter how hard you may try to convince yourself otherwise.

Rafe watches you get dressed, his eyes trailing over the bare expanses of your skin, as if committing it to memory. He wasn't raised like his siblings, and the voice in the back of his mind that tells him to never let you leave reminds him of a childhood he never quite managed to unlearn.

He never did learn how to do what was right, but if he is going to do right by one thing, that might as well be you.

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x fem!reader #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron x pogue!reader #outer banks smut #outer banks #rafe cameron #sarah cameron #jj maybank #kiara carrera #john b routledge #pope heyward #dub con

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harryforvogue · 9 months ago

Text

Part One | Chapter One: Love Made Me Crazy

London, England

April 1917

Harry doesn't ask me to marry him. He tells me to.

I've never put much importance on marriage. All the marriages I've grown up around have been arranged. They have always been mere transactions, so to be a part of that exchange is something that's never intrigued me. The thought of breaking the cycle of unhappy marriages I've seen since I was younger is daunting, too big of a task to put on my shoulders. I do look at Harry and think I'd like to be with him for the rest of my life. We've talked about vows and whether we, being an irreligious duo, should bother to wed in a church, however, this seems to be in the future, years and years from now.

He springs it on me on my 24th birthday after everyone has gone to sleep. Due to the fact that I've been living with his family every summer, he's had to sneak into my room, sitting beside me on my bed. We're far too tired to be intimate tonight, thanks to the party his sister, Thea, has put together. We've both had some drinks and we're not too far from being drunk. I hold his hand in mine, my cheek pressed to his shoulder.

Harry says it loud and clear so I know it's not just the buzz of the alcohol in my ears. I pick my head up and look at him through heavy eyelids. For a split second, I see two of him. "What?"

His eyes are clearer than mine, voice less drowsy. "Marry me."

I laugh quietly, rubbing my cheek on his shoulder again. "Most men are gentlemen and tend to ask. In a more romantic way, too."

"I'm not asking," Harry says, completely serious. His mouth is in a tight line. I search for any hints of sarcasm, but the man who stares back at me is genuine in his words and expression. His eyes glance down to my mouth briefly. "I'm telling you to marry me."

I push myself off of him. "Sounds more like you're ordering."

"And what if I am?"

"Then I have to yell at you for it. What if I don't want to marry you, you insufferable man?"

Harry smiles fully, pink lips spread across his face, triggering the dimples on either side of that mouth. "Of course you do," he says as he leans down for a kiss. "I shouldn't even have to ask."

Despite the warmth of the kiss, I pull back and ask, "What do you mean?"

"Let's go to the courthouse tomorrow."

This comment forces a chuckle out of me. "Oh? Impatient, are we?"

Harry presses his mouth to my neck. "You have no idea," he gently whispers, all hot breath, biting down on my skin. "Is that a yes, then?"

"Harry," I say, much more sober now, gently prying him away. He holds my hands tightly and searches my eyes, his own softening.

"Annaliese."

"It's only, what, about a year and a half?"

"I know it's been that long since we've been together, but I've been yours for longer. I was born for you. And I want to be with you until I die. I want all the time I can have with you, so yes, excuse me if I'm a little impatient. I don't mind how you want the wedding. If you want to have a big one, then let's do it. If you want to run away, let's do it, Annaliese. Just say yes."

He kisses the expanse of my throat, my jaw, and my cheeks. "Harry, you know I'm not... I'm not in a rush and I'm not going anywhere. I'm still here in London and when I get a job, I'll be around whenever you want me to be."

He pulls away and holds my hands again. "You may not be in a rush, Annaliese, but I am."

"Why? You're young. It's not like you're dying tomorrow."

"What if I do die tomorrow? I'll never have married you."

I swallow uneasily, laying a gentle hand on his cheek. "Harry, you'll still have spent all that time with me. Marriage is just a label."

Something shifts in his eyes. "You don't think marriage is a big deal?" He sounds hurt, maybe even offended.

"Well," I start, taking my hand away, "it's a big deal, maybe, but it wouldn't be any different than what we are now."

"For starters," he quickly says, "we'd be living together, and I wouldn't have to be sneaking around like this just to get a kiss or two, Annaliese. And it's permanent. Don't you want that?"

"We can live together right now. We've saved enough money to last us a long time. Let's look at some places."

Harry frowns, clenching his jaw. "Annaliese, I don't think it's a good idea for us to move in together without being married."

"Why not? Don't be so conservative."

"I may not be conservative, but the whole world is. I mean, imagine explaining to my mother that we're moving in together. And another thing is your family. I haven't even met them. I can't move in with their daughter without speaking with them first."

"What? To ask them for permission?"

Harry shakes his head. "Not permission. I know you'd kill me if I did that. But I'd like to make it known to them that I will not be leaving their daughter's life. And I'm around forever. I don't even know what they're like."

He knows I can't argue with that. There hasn't been any opportunity for him to meet my parents. I've barely seen them myself in recent years save for one Christmas and my 23rd birthday.

"And," he continues, "I want to marry you. I want to make a life with you, not only move into a flat together. I want a house somewhere far away."

"What, like in America?"

His eyes brighten. "Yes, maybe. Let's do it, Annaliese. Marry me. I promise I will make you so happy. I have enough to give you right now."

My stomach flutters suddenly. "Harry, I have never, not even for one moment, ever thought that one day you'd make me unhappy. And I do want to have a future with you, but it's really soon, isn't it?"

Harry sighs and deflates. "Alright. What do you want to know about me?"

"What? I know everything about you."

"So tell me what the real issue is, Annaliese. Are you afraid you'll make the wrong choice? How about this, just agree to marry me, and then we can have a long engagement. I'll get you a ring, buy you a house in a nice neighborhood, make sure we find work in a nice place, and then we can get married. How's that?"

His eyes are desperately searching mine, and he kisses my fingers.

"Mon chéri, I just..." I don't know how to tell him that I'm not afraid of big decisions, but regrets. The last thing I want to do is regret a marriage, and with Harry no less because I wouldn't have anyone to turn to. He's the one I always go to when I have a problem with work or school or even his sister. Without him, who do I turn to? "I just need some time, please."

"Time?" he echoes, shoulders dropping. "For what?"

"To... to make sure!"

"To make sure I'm the one you want to marry?" he says, sounding even more hurt. "Annaliese, we've talked about marriage before."

"Right!" I argue, pulling my hands away, "and I want to marry you someday. I've seen too many marriages fail, too many people grow apart despite being married. I don't want that for us."

Harry stares at me for a long time and then presses his lips together tightly. "I see." He doesn't say anything for a long time. "So is it me?"

"No," I exclaim. "No! Fuck. Harry, I want to marry you, but just not now. I'm afraid..."

"Of what?" he persists.

"Of losing you! Down the road when you grow out of love with me and then we're both stuck in a marriage, unhappy, forever until we divorce. Harry, I can marry you and I can withstand hardships with you, but what I cannot do is divorce you."

Harry's eyes soften. "You're afraid of losing me? Annaliese..."

"Don't you dare say I'm being irrational. How can you believe in marriage after seeing what your father and mother have? And Thea?"

"My love, what you and I have is nothing like my father and mother. And certainly not what Thea and Jack had."

"Thea knew Jack longer than I've known you," I point out.

Harry sighs again. "Yes, but we are different." He squeezes my hand. "We are so good. We're strong."

"And what happens one day when you come home and are disappointed that I'm the one who greets you? And don't you dare say that would never happen, Styles. You know it happens. And if we have children, I will not be raising them single handedly. I'd rather kill you with my bare hands than have you walk out on them."

Harry raises his eyebrows in alarm, lips twitching with amusement. "Annaliese, you have to be more smart about this. I'm not proposing marriage because I've got a primary school crush on you. I love you. You know that."

I do know. I see it in his eyes everyday, every curve of his mouth when I visit him at his stepfather's shop, when he tells me things about his day and then ends with "I wish you were there too." I would be a fool to doubt the love he has for me right now, but I can't guarantee the love he'll feel for me next year, or the year after.

I hold his face, shifting closer. "Harry, I need time. Can I think about this?"

Harry's eyes widen and his mouth forms into a smile. "Annaliese Favreau, are you rejecting my proposal?"

"I'm not rejecting! I'm--"

"Stalling," he finishes, sighing. "Alright. I will give you time."

"Can I tell you by the end of the year?"

He pulls away immediately, horrified. "Absolutely not! Maybe by the end of the month because I'm being so generous!"

End of the month. It's July 7th. Only a little over 3 weeks to give him an answer. "Okay," I muse quietly. "Fine."

He doesn't look too happy about it, but he's not upset either. "Okay," he repeats. "Wow. I never considered that you might reject me. Of course you always surprise me, but still."

"I didn't reject you!"

The teasing smile returns to his face as he leans in to kiss me softly. His mouth is very warm and he tastes faintly of wine.

"Okay," he murmurs, "but you didn't say yes either. I love you."

I press myself closer, unable to get enough of the kisses. "Je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime."

***

There are other factors that make me reluctant about marriage, not only based on what I've seen in my childhood and young adult life. The war continues, showing no promise of an end. I look at Harry, who's finished with his education and the sole male from his family, fresh bait for the government to draft. The thought causes my knees to buckle, my heart squeezing with discomfort as if it's going to stop beating altogether. I look at him and imagine him far from me, far from his family he loves so dearly, and I want to take us all thousands of miles away. To marry him and have such little time with him? No, I can't mourn Harry.

Harry, on the other hand, isn't all that concerned about the war. He says he's got luck on his side and he's yet to be drafted so far into the war. He'll slip by unnoticed. He doesn't stop to consider he was too young when the war first began, and he's in the prime age for it now.

We don't talk about the war a lot, the thought of Harry joining makes me sick. He may not know too much about war (and his ignorance is sometimes for the better), however, I do know war. Stories of my grandfather in the war of 1870 haunts me, and if the war on the Western Front is anything like that, I cannot fully comprehend the terror I feel.

If we were to marry, I'd take up on his offer to go far from here. America, seemingly, is a safe bet for now.

***

Days pass by in a blur of anxiety. I have an answer for him by the end of the week, after Germany closes in on Paris as she had done years ago. We're at Hyde Park after dusk, walking side by side for some time. Harry doesn't speak, allowing me to gather my thoughts.

We stop at the large willow tree I usually read under and sit down against the hard roots, resting our backs against the dark trunk. It was unbearably hot today, but my sweating isn't caused only by the weather. Although it's dark, the temperature has yet to dip, very unlike the usual gloomy weather of London.

"I have an answer for you," I say, looking at a wilted branch looming over our heads just a few feet away.

Harry looks handsome, the gentle moonlight streaming over his face, light green eyes staring down at me, mouth curved into a smile. "And here I thought you snuck us out to have sex."

"Have sex under a tree in the dark? It's like you don't even know me, Styles."

Harry laughs, wrapping his arms around me, drawing me to his lap. His lips press to my throat, kissing softly. "I'd like to argue that I know you a little too well." He feels my fast pulse and slowly draws back. "Is that a no?" he asks quietly, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"It's not a no," I tell him, resting my hands on his sternum.

"You look so sad telling me yes," he sighs, resting his head back against the trunk. "Annaliese, I won't be angry if you say no. You have every right to say no. I'd just like a good reason as to why. The last thing I want to do is pressure you."

Tears brim in my eyes, and against my better judgment, I do nothing to hide them. In the dark, he can't see them, but he'd surely be alarmed by the sight of them. I rarely ever cry and right now, I feel as if I'm on the brink of hysteria.

"I don't want you to die," I whisper, afraid to raise my voice. "I don't want you to go to war."

The crickets are chirping very loudly, but that may just be because of Harry's silence.

"I'm not going to war, Annaliese," he answers, confused. "Where is this coming from?"

My fingers twist his shirt, unable to look at him. In the summer, he has freckles across his nose and cheeks, his dark hair shorter to keep him from overheating. I know all too much about him, about how his hands are calloused after a day at the printing shop, how he gets ink on his pants and it never comes off, how he often forgets to lock up the shop when he's on his lunch break. All these memories I have of the man I sit with currently will not be made into memories of a widow.

"They're drafting. And you're single. You have no kids. Nothing is tying you down."

Harry takes a big breath and exhales for the longest time. "You can marry me for any reason you want, Annaliese, but I will not let you marry me out of fright."

"Well, it's not you I'm scared of, Harry."

"No," he says firmly, holding my arms. "Annaliese. I want you to marry me because you want to. Not because you feel obligated."

"Obligation or not, Harry, I would do anything to keep you here with me."

Harry sighs again, deeper this time as if he's getting impatient. "I'm not afraid of dying."

"You may not be afraid of it, but I am!" My chest begins to ache from anxiety, breath shallowing.

"And I understand that," he says tensely, "but even if I don't die from the war, I could easily die from something else as early as tomorrow."

"Harry," I continue, holding his collar. "It's not the same. I plan on marrying you one day. And like you, I have no plans of leaving you, so is it so wrong if I marry you now and save you from trouble anyways?"

I can barely see his face except for an eye and the corner of his mouth. His lips are twisted down, his eyes narrowed in thought. My heart thunders in my ears, breath quickens to an embarrassingly fast pace, fingers trembling. My grip on his shirt is too tight. I let it go and my knuckles ache. The crickets are louder than before.

When he speaks, it's slow and deliberate. "I want you to marry me because you love me and trust me to make you happy. Right now. Not in the future, not years and years from now. I don't want anything else to be a factor in this decision." His body rumbles underneath me, voice deep and understanding. He's such a different man from his father. "I don't care about dying. I told you that a week ago. I just want to be yours."

He pauses to make sure every word hits me, and then continues on, "But, since this is a really big worry of yours... I can negotiate with you."

"Why?"

Harry chuckles under me, touching my chin. "Why? Christ, because I love you and I will have you any way I can."

"But I want you to be happy while loving me."

He gently swipes away a tear. "I know, Annaliese, and if you agree, it'll make me very happy. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"If you agree to marry me, only for me and not for any other obligation, I'll take you to America where we'll be far from the war. I told you I wanted to leave England and you want that too. This way, you'll have me without the prospect of drafting, and I'll have you, all to myself. And you won't be able to run away from me."

He tilts his head so the moonlight falls directly on his face and I can see his eager expression, eyes watching me carefully. "How's that?"

I love this man, not only when he's arguing with me about something he's passionate about, but when he's being reasonable against my unreasonable self.

But for how long can we run? And what if the war reaches America by the time we get there? There is no hope in staying in Europe, not with the war raging and ruining every country including mine. That brief thought I had about moving to France with Harry is long gone and foolish to think about now. The siege has not only left me in terror about my family, but about the proximity of how close it is to England, mere hours away from us. Air raids have become more frequent, not yet touching our side, but I hear them at night. I hear the planes while Harry is fast asleep in the other room and I feel it grip my heart in a tight fist. I can't breathe, scrambling out of bed to check if there's one coming towards us. I wait for Harry to arrive at my door, but he pays little attention to the politics of the world, the ones that are so against him.

Running away has always been an option, and Harry has mentioned on multiple occasions that he doesn't plan on staying in England for long. His tense relations with his family and the idea of getting a better paying job in America has always been on his list, but will we be making the right decision? America is not a country away. We would be leaving our past, our families, our notion of safety on these lands. We'd be foreigners, unaccustomed to the culture of America and their ways of living.

I have been an outsider for so long; in my closest circles, in different lands, in my own relationship. And I don't think Harry knows the consequences of leaving. Harry doesn't seem to understand any consequences of decisions that are literally life and death.

But he looks at me with an immense amount of trust, and he gives me a smile. "Don't worry," he says, running his thumb over my face. "I'll keep you fed."

"You know that's not what I'm worried about."

"I'm only joking, my love."

He waits patiently.

"Okay," I say finally, holding his face between my hands. "Merde. I'm saying yes."

A wide grin breaks out onto his face as he scrambles to sit up, hands on my waist. "You'll marry me?" He leans in and kisses me, hard, desperate. "Fuck. You do make me insane, Favreau. Can't believe the things you make me do."

"Better get used to it, Styles," I laugh, sniffling.

"I've been getting used to it for a year now, ma femme."

I hold onto him tightly when he brings me in for a hug, anxiety still prodding at my ribs. My eyes close. I squeeze him and send a quick prayer to whoever is up there to keep the man in my arms save from harm.

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kitsune-pop · 1 year ago

Text

CW P!SS MUSK SWEAT

It's a beautiful day out, and after a week of storms I not letting it go to waste! Slipping on my favorite dress and heading out to go to my favorite park, I immediately hit the humid Texas summer air and started to sweat. But I'm not letting a bit of heat keep me cooped up any more! Even when my dress sticks to my back by the time I get to my car, cranking up the AC should take care of that problem! It is really hot though, and I could afford to stop by a fast food place for a quick drink!

Of course getting stuck behind someone ordering for an entire family isn't fun, and it looks like traffic is picking up, but it's no problem? Even if this hundred degree weather is putting my AC to the test, I finally get my large drink and hit the road! And sit in traffic. For forty minutes. Ugh.

Finally, I'm at the park! My drink barely made it halfway through traffic, but nevermind that, I'm here to enjoy myself! Walking through nature always puts my mind at ease, listening to the forest breathe and grow is music to my ears! I barely care that the heat is making me sweat like crazy, I'll just put my hair in a ponytail to keep it from sticking! Although I can't do as much for my dress sticking to my back.

I barely notice the time pass until I get to my favorite part of the park; the turtle pond! A family is just now leaving, so I have the place to myself to relax and take in the sights. It's so peaceful here, and sitting on one of the benches in the shade gives me a much needed break. As I listen to the pond gently splash and watch the turtles float around, I tug at my dress collar to try and get it unstuck from my chest. I'm immediately hit with powerful girlmusk; looks like I forgot my deodorant. I knew I was forgetting something this morning! A quick sniff of my pits confirms it, I am one stinky girl. Oh well, it's just me here, and I'm gonna enjoy this park, stink or no stink! Relaxing, I close my eyes and let the gentle sounds of nature wash over me... and feel a familiar twinge between my legs. Frowning, I try to ignore it, but it looks like that large drink decided to hit my bladder all at once. I want to stay a while longer, but there's nothing stopping me from coming back after a quick trip to the restroom . So I hop up, brush some bark that stuck to my sweaty legs, and make my way to the restroom that's a little bit further up the trail.

...And find that it's closed, the roof caved in from the storms last week. Crap. You know that thing where it feels like your bladder knows it's close to a toilet, so it tries to let it all out? Yeah, that's what's happening right now. I clench my legs together, trying to hold on. I could go to another restroom that's a little further in, but that one might be out of order too! I passed by the restroom by the front gate, and that one looked fine, but that's almost a twenty minute walk away! I'll never make it!

...No, mama didn't raise a quitter. I've been going to this park for years, I know all the side paths and shortcuts. I can make it. I clench my stomach and start power walking down the path, really starting to sweat now. Between the heat, stress and physical exertion I'm absolutely drenched. My collar is dark with sweat and my dress is sticking to my back and legs, making walking even harder. To top it all, my stomach feels like it's going to burst from how bad I have to pee, and it feels like it's starting to distend from how full my bladder is! I hop off the trail, slipping through some denser trees to shorten my trip. I hope I can make it!

My bladder gives a sudden clench, and I'm forced to stop, squeezing my thighs together as hard as I can to keep from peeing myself. I look up and through the tears in my eyes I see an info board! I'm almost there! I limp forward, glancing at the board to see where I was- WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M AT THE FAR END OF THE PARK!? The board clearly points to the back end of the park with a helpful "you are here" message attached. I must have taken a wrong turn while I was walking! I get another bad cramp and lean against the board, sweating and gasping as I try to hold myself together. I see on the map that there's another restroom just down the trail; I have to get there and hope it isn't closed like the last one!

I hobble down the path, clenching my thighs as tight as I can, hoping o .ake it on time. As I cross a little bridge over a creek, one more cramp sends me to my knees. I gasp, squeezing with all my strength to try and hold it in. I don't want to ruin my favorite dress! But I don't think I can make it. Maybe I should... No! This is a public park, someone could see! Another cramp, stronger than the last, brings tears to my eyes and a small groan. I'm at the back of the park, and I haven't seen anyone since the turtle pond. Look, it's this or pee yourself and have to sit in it on the trip home.

Pushing myself to my feet, I waddle over to the edge of the bridge, glancing around nervously. I don't see or hear anyone, and I've reached my limit. Hiking up my dress, I pull my panties down and immediately smell the powerful musk coming from my hairy balls. I was cooped up for a week, there wasn't any reason to keep up with shaving! I grab my girlcock, aim it, and release. I have to stifle a moan as the stream burst from me, making a perfect golden ark. I glance around as more and more piss flows from me, the stream lasting several seconds as my bladder relaxes. I can feel my stomach return to its original size as my bladder empties, my stream slowing to a trickle, and then a dribble. I give my girlcock a few shakes to make sure I got it all out, pull up my panties and let my dress drop back down.

Turning, I hum to myself as I make my way towards the front of the park. It's such a beautiful day, and now that my emergency is taken care of there's no reason not to enjoy my day at the park, right?

#p!ss k!nk #p!ss kink #musk k1nk #musk k!nk #sweaty girl #mtf nsft #trans nsft

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beansnsoup · 2 years ago

Note

Thanks for doing my Nikki request I got a other one if you don't mind

Gwen x fem reader

The reader is Jay's half sister her mom is a girl his dad got pregnant randomly but she doesn't live in point view but she has the Kelso looks but not the personality she's very nerdy but confident she tells it like she sees it but is also a bit of a womanizer she's still a Kelso but unlike her dad she's loyal and puts 110% into her relationships one summer a accident happens to her mom she and her mom aren't close but she definitely doesn't want to live in a small town with her dad and annoying brother so when she has to spend the summer in point veiw she either is preparing for college going to the mall to confuse girls about there sexuality or go to her dad's old friends Eric parents house to help with chores and cooking or just be there and help red with his garden and get stuff from the store for them but one day she sees Leia go into the basement and she sees her brother she's never been down there and doesn't really care until kitty says for her to take a break and go hang out with Leia and her friends so she goes and sees her brother Leia and some other people getting high she sees two very attractive girls but sees one has a boyfriend so she leaves until they have sobered up to bother her brother and possibly flirt with the other girl

I'll try my best!

☆

Rebel Girl

Gwen Runck x fem!reader

Summary- You weren't the biggest fan of your dad or your half-brother, but you couldn't stand being around your mom at the moment and there was nowhere else to go. You soon meet Kitty and Red which leads you to me Gwen Runck.

Warnings- mommy issues, some daddy issues (mainly cuz kelso is slow), idk what else

You were in your room, packing two bags to take with you to Wisconsin. Your mom used to be amazing, and you always preferred her over her dad but recently her and her fiancé were being some of the pettiest people you had ever met.

You couldn't take it anymore, you called you dads on and off wife, Jackie, last night, she welcomed you without any hesitation. She thought you'd help nonsense into her dad who has been out of it lately, so pretty much his normal self.

You made sure to wait for your mom and her boyfriend to both be gone for work before you took the cash out of the spare cash jar, which was surprisingly a lot, then started walking towards the bus stop which would take you to the airport.

The bus ride felt longer than it should have, maybe because your mood was so dumpy. You were going to listen to the cassette tapes on your Walkman but forgot to even pack them, you cursed yourself for the rest of the journey to the airport, on the plus side, you could manipulate your dad into buying you some new ones.

The driver eventually pulled into the airport, you had bought the ticket with your own money when you were heading back from work one weekend, when you came home your "parents" interrogated you about why you were out so late so you made the sorry excuse that your boss needed extra help due to having to leave early, then you got in trouble for not calling them and letting them know that you would be working late.

You went through security which again felt longer than it was, loaded the plane, which made you want to die of boredom. A kid kept kicking your seat, and to be honest you felt you deserved it after leaving all of your tapes at home, how could that be the one thing you forget? You brought them with you everywhere, you would at least be fine with one, even if it was the Christian music your grandma gave you.

A woman next to you had an extra magazine, and you felt bad asking so you just ignored it while it sat in her lap, thankfully she noticed your boredom and asked if you wanted to borrow it and you both could trade when you guys were done, you nodded and told her thanks and had finally felt comfortable on this trip.

You grabbed you bags and started walking through the airport towards the exit, you kept walking until you found Jackie, your dad, and Jay waiting for you at the doors. You almost threw up in your mouth when you saw Jay, there was something about him that left a bad taste in your mouth.

"Ahh!! There's my girl!" Your dad ran up to you pulling you in for a hug, you pat his shoulder before trying to get out of it. "Can we just get out of here? I need sleep."

He nods and guides you outside while his family follows. You're forced to sit in the back with Jay, you avoid all eye contact with him the whole ride.

You've been in the dump town for almost a week, the only plus is the mall and the woody area which is a really nice vibe. You never bought anything when you went, but you'd always leave with stuff.

You'd always distract the workers with a sweet conversation, while they give you advice about an item you slip one or two things into you bag or pocket.

"I really recommend the pink one-"

"Thanks babe, but I don't think I'll be getting them."

"Oh. Um, that's fine thanks for shopping."

"Thank you."

You never noticed how much all the girls tripped over their words when giving you tips or extra info about products. If you were being honest though, you could care less.

You walked into the food court and watched a girl basically harassing various boys. 'Wow' never had you been that desperate, you look over to you assume are her friends pointing at different guys.

Then you overhear them talking about first kisses, then it all gets pieced together, she trying to kiss a random guy in this mall. You personally think first kisses should be with a better person, your first kiss was with you best friend and you kind of regretted it.

You watched them all for a bit longer until they were ran out by security. It was honestly kind of funny, embarrassing, but funny.

"Thank you so much Y/N! I really needed a break, ever since Leia and her friends have been over her so much, I have been moving around this house a lot." She lets out a nervous laugh,

"It's really no trouble Mrs. Forman,"

"It is when you have 6 hormonal teenagers in your basement."

"Six?"

"Yes, but I enjoy getting use in that basement after Eric and all of his buddies grew up."

"Well, I enjoy peace and quiet."

As if on que a scream followed with and laughter came from the basement, your half-brother ran up the stairs covered in water and shaving cream, "May I use your bathroom?"

Kitty nods, "What in the world?"

He comes back down as quick as he went up to the bathroom, then he notices you on his way back to the basement. "Y/N, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

He rolls his eyes and walks downstairs, "Is he an ex-boyfriend of yours?" Kitty giggles bumping her hips into yours, "Worse, he's my half-brother."

You were cleaning out the formans oven when their granddaughter walked in, you recognized her from the food court that one afternoon. She was all up on Jay when they walked down to the basement. Out of all the guys she could've gone for, that's who she went for.

You closed up the oven and put the used rag into the laundry bin. Kitty walks in, holding some grocery bags, "Oh, let me help you with that." You grab two of the bags she's holding, "Thank you, Y/N."

You set them on the kitchen counter and start helping unload them. "Y/N, you've been doing so much to help lately. Now I feel like you're the one who needs a break."

"No, Mrs. Forman, it's no problem, really." You inform her, putting the items in their designated places.

"You should join Leia and the rest of the kids down in the basement." She replies, "I hate putting all my work onto you."

You didn't say anything because you knew no matter what you said in return she would come back with a counterargument that would make you go into the basement.

"Okay." You sigh, setting the eggs back on the counter. You make your way to the steps that lead down to the group of teens.

You walk into the room to find them sitting in a circle, all giggling. The smell of weed filled your nose, and the smoke fogged up your vision.

They didn't seem to notice you joined in, so you sat on the couch and observed. You notice a girl with her arms linked around a boy. Honestly, you couldn't stand clingy couples like that, but they pulled it off in a way.

There was another girl sitting across from them. She was one of the hottest girls you've ever seen to put it lightly.

"Y/N!" Jay yelled out. He was high out of his mind, you moved your eyes over to him, getting up from the couch and grabbing his arm to pull him up. "You need to go home." You say while dragging him through the door, he waved lazily to his friends.

You threw him in the passenger seat of the car, he threw his head back against the seat. You sat in the driver's side, "Here." You hand him a water bottle that was in the glove box.

He chugged it and shut his eyes, you sighed and began to drive home.

You walked up to Jay's room that night. You waited until he was down from his high to ask him anything about that mystery girl.

"What do you want?" He groaned, "Who was that girl with the loads of eyeliner on in the basement today?"

"Nates sister?"

"I guess. I wouldn't know, that's why I'm asking."

"Her name's Gwen."

"Is she dating anyone?"

"No? Why are you so eager to know?"

"Just wondering."

You walk out of his room, 'Gwen', you went back to the guest room and tried your best to figure out what you were going to say to her.

You were sat in the basement, next to Gwen.

"So, how long will you be here?" She asks you, you shrug your shoulders, "I don't know, it depends when my mom decides to stop being stuck up with her fiancé."

She chuckles, "Well I hope she always acts that way. You're growing on me."

You smile, "A girl can dream." You reply, looking away from her, she swiftly puts her arm around you making you laugh under your breath.

You turn your gaze to Jay and Leia, who doesn't have the luxury of choosing when to leave. She's only staying for the summer. They were stuck up eachothers butts for the past 2 weeks.

You roll your eyes at them, "Tell me about it, I feel like me and Ozzie are the only sane ones here." Gwen says, noticing your annoyance.

"Hey! I have a boyfriend!" He retorts, "Yes, we know." She says, rolling her eyes at him, you look at Gwen, "Honestly, if all my relationships hadn't turned to crap I'd be up their butt."

"Would you now?" She asks, smirking at you.

"Mhmm"

She's staring at you at this point, you break the silence, "You doing anything after this?" She shakes her head, "Wanna come over to mine?"

You nod, checking the invisible watch on your wrist, "Now seems like a good time."

She smiles and gets up from the couch, you follow her over to the house next door. She takes you up to her bedroom, you hated to admit it, you wanted to seem sane and in control, but in reality, you were completely whipped for her.

You sat next to her on her bed, before you could say anything she went for a kiss. You kissed her back without even thinking.

Between kisses you let out a few words, "Hey. Do you. Maybe. Wanna. Go out. Some time?"

She stops and leans back, "Definitely."

This sucks, sorry yall 😭

#that 90s show #gwen runck #gwen runck x reader #gwen that 90s show #lgbtq

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skylarmoon71 · 4 months ago

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Tadashi Hamada Fanfiction (Big Hiro 6) - Chapter 10

It's been two months.

He hasn't heard anything from you.

Every day he stops by your dorm, but it's become apparent that you aren't there. It is the beginning of the summer break, so of course it's not weird that you're gone. At least not to your institute. But Tadashi knows better.

SFIT was in the works of being rebuilt, so the school had shifted most of its classes to another location while they did construction. He feels more at ease, being with his family is just what he needs.

But the hole in his heart won't go away. Because now he's convinced that you aren't coming back. That you've done something to bring him back and it's cost more than you bargain for. That's why he's standing here as his last resort.

The shrine he approaches is the best he can come up with.

Spirits, guardians, what better place to look.

It feels a little ridiculous in his head.

"I know this sounds crazy, it feels crazy. It's doubtful that this place has some kind of supernatural energy. I need to see her. Please!"

There was no reply, not that he expected one. He removed his hat, looking at the ground.

"This...this isn't what I wanted.."

His actions had consequences. By risking his own safety, he'd put so many more in danger. Everyone he cared about had been a wreck when they thought he'd died. His family, friends. His intention was never to take it for granted, but he did.

He was arrogant to think he could just storm into a flaming building and be of any help. Maybe he was still dwelling on the past. Trying to make up for the parents he couldn't save. He was still a child back then, but he never forgot about it.

"I didn't want to lose you."

His eyes shoot up at the voice in his head.

"(Y/N)..."

Those eyes, even in the form of a wolf he could spot them anywhere.

The white fur was as beautiful as he remembered. He smiled, despite the tears that started rushing down his face. He'd been so convinced that you were gone. That you sacrificed your life for his.

"She cannot return to you."

The bigger wolf that stepped out from behind you had Tadashi a bit more guarded. The deep voice of the person that spoke startled him.

"She has compromised her duties to save you, a mere mortal. What makes you so great?"

Whoever this was, he wasn't someone to mess with. Tadashi stayed completely still.

You hadn't moved from your spot, eyes low.

"You don't deserve her."

"I DO!!"

Arguing probably wasn't the brightest idea, but he hated it. The way this guardian was trying to diminish his feelings.

"You're probably just using her for power, mortals are so selfish."

"I LOVE HER!!"

The yell had an immediate effect. Your ears shot upwards, and Tadashi finally moved closer.

"I love you..I don't want to lose you either (Y/N)."

The bigger wolf glanced between the both of you, turning back as he licked the top of your head.

"I'll be watching you mortal."

It sounded strangely like a threat, but Tadashi understood. Whoever this was, he's family.

"I won't let you down."

"Better not."

He said no more, scampering off into the woods. When Tadashi's eyes returned to you, he didn't miss the glow that was now glistening all over your body. He swore all he'd done was close his eyes for a moment, and the light around your body began to change. The fur was being replaced by skin, ears smoothing out. He blinked, and there you stood. Human and safe.

Here.

Present.

Alive.

There is so much he wants to ask.

Where you've been. What happened? Why wasn't he dead?

"(Y/N) I-"

"I gave up my immortality."

You spit it out like a secret you can no longer hold in.

Tadashi feels frozen.

From the tears that go rushing down your cheeks, he knows that it's taken everything to get you to admit this.

"I didn't care if I lost it. I just wanted you to be here. I wanted you back. I love you, I couldn't lose you...Please don't leave me! Don't leave me!"

The thought of you even imagining that he'd ever leave you hurts.

Tadashi pulls you into his arms before you can say much more. You hold him, and he knows you need to feel him.

Clarify that he's right there.

#tadashi hamada #big hero 6 #hiro hamada #trust #spirits #care #love #tadashixreader #fluff #feelings #family

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ambriel-angstwitch · 1 year ago

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Fourth of July through the Lens of Zuko (and Azula)

It was the Fourth of July You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks That went off too soon

Fireworks that went off too soon - Fireworks are beautiful sights to behold due to careful planning. One going off early is an unfortunate accident that would ruin the show. Due to their upbringing of constantly being pressured to achieve the highest ironically Zuko and Azula couldn’t reach their full potential. Azula was excelling from a young age which put a spotlight on her. This made it so failure no longer was an option but failure is how we grow. When she feels as though she’s failing she completely breaks down. On the flip side we have Zuko who could never seem to be enough. He constantly was left chasing his fathers ideas of what’s right for firebending and actions that he didn’t do what was better for him. Then he was sent young and angry on a wild chase around the world. If they’d been allowed to grow on their own time and learn in their own ways they could have been well rounded and intelligent individuals who could have worked well together. But they’d been forced to grow up too soon. All this is similar to how if the firework had gone off at the right time it would have been a sight to behold but due to its timing it became a mess

And I miss you in the June gloom too

Pete uses “the June gloom” to describe the fairly uneventful month before July. Zuko probably missed his home the most in the uneventful times, in the years where Aang wasn’t out of the ice when his purpose wasn’t as easy to track.

I said I'd never miss you, but I guess you never know

Zuko never seemed to be miss Azula his goal was always to regain his fathers approval and to get back to his father. But in a lot of ways he did miss her even after he had her again because there was a time before they were pitted eachother that all they had for eachother was love when Zuzu wasn’t used to mock but rather because K sounds are hard for young children to use.

May the bridges I have burned light my way back home on the fourth of July

Zuko throughout the series consistently burns the bridges that will lead him home. For example when he wanted to go home to the Fire nation he did the actions of a traitor as the blue spirit. Though the interesting thing about this wording is that the bridges burning is what lights the way back home so you can’t see the way until you’ve created the destruction which is similar to how Zuko doesn’t realize that his destiny until after he betrays Iroh. Until he’s laid in the wreckage of his mistakes that he realizes that being in the Fire Nation won’t make him happy. That he needs to carve his own path. That his uncle has been the only person that’s been with him through all his struggles. The Gaang and Uncle become his home.

I'll be as honest as you'll let me

Zuko is willing to admit to all his wrongdoings and seek forgiveness. He’s changed. But the Gaang have a hard time believing him and worry it’s just a trick. After all Azula was great at lying, but Zuko unbeknownst to them lacks this skill.

I miss your early morning company If you get me

Zuko misses Iroh the person who was there for him when he woke up on the ship the first time and any other time he woke up from a nightmare.

You are my favorite what if You are my best I'll never know

After Zuko saw Katara and Sokka’s sibling dynamic there’s a part of him that’s jealous of what they have. Azula is his favorite what if, he wants to believe that under different circumstances they could have been best friends or at least had a less deadly sibling rivalry. He wishes they could have had a healthy relationship.

And I'm starting to forget Just what summer ever meant to you What did it ever mean to you?

To Zuko summer meant their family was happy. It meant watching plays with his mom. It meant playing on the beach with Azula and Lu Ten. Ember island is where he remembers his family whole and happy. Then most recently Ember island is the first place that we see Azula be vulnerable, they both reconnect. We don’t know exactly what Ember Island used to mean to Azula but we know now that they’re teens she also finds it depressing. Whether that’s because it also used to be a happy place to her or if it’s because she used to see Zuko connect with Ursa and not her we’re unaware.

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean any of it I just got too lonely, lonely, whoa. In between being young and being right You were my Versailles at night

Zuko didn’t truly want to betray his uncle, he just got desperate for his fathers love and his home. Zuko wanted to be right about everything because if he wasn’t none of it would have been worth it. But in reality Iroh was the one bright spot left in his family

My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars again and again 'til I'm stuck in your head Had my doubts but I let them out

Becoming the firelord reopened old wounds. He looked to his father for approval, he misses his mother and he even ended up teaming up with Azula again, despite their past which says that’s a bad idea.

You are the drought And I'm the holy water you have been without

Azula causes destruction and conversely Zuko has learned that Fire can bring life. They could complete and compliment eachother but they haven’t had the chance to.

And all my thoughts of you They could heat or cool the room, and no

Zuko has conflicting feelings about Azula. He loves her but their on different sides and she tried to kill him.

Don't tell me you cried Oh, honey, you don't have to lie

Azula tends to play with people’s emotions. If it benifitted her she would have told Zuko she missed him during his banishment but Azula always lies.

I wish I'd known how much you loved me I wish I cared enough to know

Zuko wished he’d realized how much Iroh loved and cared for him and how little his father did. These are things that would have affected his path.

I'm sorry every song's about you. The torture of small talk with someone you used to love

When Zuko returned to the Fire Nation, his and Azula’s conversations were mostly stilted and blunt. They rarely can open up to each other since Azula sees as weakness, something she can’t have and something she can exploit in Zuko

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eddiediaaz · 1 year ago

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you know what? i think being unemployed/on EI benefits for a few months during winter (starting in early december), while things go back to normal in the vfx world, is not the end of the world. in fact, i think i'm gonna try to see it as a break that i need and i'll try to make the most of it.

just some rambling incoming lol i feel like writing in a journal. used to do that more on my previous account but here i think it's a first

i am frustrated that i have no control over my career, as it currently hangs in the hands of a few millionnaires in the states (mine and thousands of people, i know). i'm frustrated that i had only started finally putting money aside for projects after cclearing my credit debt. i'm frustrated i've "lost/wasted" my summer doing overtime.

but. but i've also never had a work or school break for longer than 3 weeks since i've been like 15. half my entire life i've spent going to school full time and working part time and during the school breaks, and then to working full time without any kind of break. i never had a long nice vacation. the only break i've had was in 2021 i went 3 weeks on medical leave due to my depression and i couldn't afford to take more time off, so i went back to work against the doctor's recommendations. i know it's like that for a lot of people lol, it's a regular thing to work all the time, especially in north america's tiring work culture, but still. so it's... nice? to think about being unemployed for a few months. i'm trying to see it in a positive light.

i think it'll be nice to have a few months to myself and not having to work. i'm incredibly privileged and grateful that my current salary is good enough to give me comfortableish benefits while on EI. which is another insane thing to even think about?? and rather new too, i've only had this salary for less than 2 years and it's the only reason i was able to clear my credit debt quicker than expected. it's not even that much money but as someone who grew up pretty poor and has always been living paycheck to paycheck, it feels insane that i can be on EI and still be able to pay my bills comfortably, you know?

anyway. i think i'm okay with it. frustrated that i have to press pause on my life projects, again, but thankful that at least i won't have to, like, get the first minimum wage job that comes just to pay my bills (not sure minimum wage could cover that lol). i've been there before, having to get whatever job to make it one month to the other, multiple times, and i'm thankful that, at least, it's happening while i'm in a better financial position. and by better financial position i just mean that i only have a portion of my college debt to pay back, no other kind of debt. i don't have any kind of savings or placements or whatever "regular adults" have tho.

one thing i am scared of is boredom. what the fuck am i gonna do for 3 to 5 months without working full time lol??? like. i've never been there!!! and i don't even have a car to like, go places! i'm already thinking of where i could go volunteer in the city, of cheap projects i could do in my apartments and stuff like that. i'll stir crazy after the first month i think, not gonna lie. or maybe i'll just play the sims a lot

ultimately, i need to keep in mind this will most likely only be temporary. my employer said they wanna keep in touch with me for when things go back to normal, so i am hopeful that, at least, i may have a job to go back to? of course i definitely am losing this job in december, but there is hope i can get hired again at that place. because i do love this company and i was proud to have made it there.

#no one has to read that btw i'm just rambling and putting my thoughts into words

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lookinginview068 · 2 months ago

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I can't tell when it started. When was I sundered?

Was it during childhood, where I spent every day in fear at home and in school for reasons I can barely bear to recall? Did it happen when I left for school at 14, not knowing that I was never going to return home, nor that I would spend the summer cramped in a one bedroom apartment with equally terrified family members I had to protect? Did it happen when I finally got so broken down from all the stress and the trauma, that I never got a chance to heal from, and finally had a psychotic breakdown from? Was it when a stalker followed me for over half a decade, forcing me to protect myself by any means necessary?

I feel like I've always fought to maintain an image in the hopes of dissuading closer scrutiny of just how fundamentally broken I am. I always have to try to find explanations for the things I don't myself understand.

But there are just too many. I can't explain why I'll feel attracted to women one day to then feel repulsed by the base prospect another. I can't explain why I'll have waves of dysphoria for what might seem like my body, but is more akin to my entire personhood as a whole.

I used to create fake identities online growing up. In way, it served as an outlet for parts of me that could only ever thrive without the ties to the single individual I have to maintain and present myself as. It feels like a prison, where I am allowed one sense of self.

I used to navigate IRL with multiple gender presentations and names in my teens, and that's the happiest I've ever been... and the reason it worked so well I think is because these facets of me had different and separate groups of people around them. These facets weren't seen as ultimately linked to this "main" piece, but got to grow almost completely unshackled.

I couldn't do that now. Everything directly links back to the "me" I should by all means settle for and resonate with. But I just don't, and the longer I'm stuck being limited solely to the same people as the years go by, the more noticeable these discrepancies in my opinions, recollections and perceptions of things become harder to ignore.

I feel like I'm increasingly coming off as a complete and utter hypocrite and even liar to the people around me, because I try to give explanations to rationalize the things they clearly pick up on (whether consciously so or not) but that stem from things I don't know if I could ever talk about.

What's worse is that I know that I am blessed to be so trusted by my loved ones, despite the signals my behaviour gives off. I know for a fact that I come off as suspiciously secretive a lot of the time, and that my tendency to keep all my friends and loved ones from getting to know each other could be interpreted in all manner of bad looking ways. But I don't know how else to cope with feeling imprisoned like this.

Because not only does it prevent other people from feeding each other the idea of what can be expected from me, and what type of person it is. It prevents them from talking about me, and connecting over the person they think I am.

And it sounds so pathetic when putting it that way! Comically so even to my ears! Because I don't actually care about what they say, but rather it's the idea of my fabricated, coherent and singular "brand" of personhood being perceived that repulses me on such a visceral level.

And what could I even do about it? I'm not a set of multiple, distinct people. I don't have more than one consciousness. And yet I'm just a walking collection of fragments that I can't tell whether that's what I've always been, or if the process of breaking down happened so slowly and gradually that I just never noticed until I cut myself on the pieces.

If a mirror breaks, do we consider the mirror to be one construct or multiple? Does the word 'mirror' become a term describing the collective group of its broken shards? Or is it that the shards can just as well be their own separate entities while ultimately still being an integral part of what makes up a mirror?

I am forever stuck right by that very mirror. My reflection doesn't always look the same. It might change depending on the angle, it might move itself independently from my own movement, or it might even happen without me realizing when. The mirror isn't me, but merely stands before me, just like both my body and sense of self stand before me in a way that emphasizes how much of bystander I truly am.

I feel frustrated and embarrassed over the mirror, and try to explain to everyone who sees it why it's so ugly and cracked and why I can't do anything about it. All the pieces reflect me, but they don't look the same. I can't tell which piece is 'the most me.'

I'm a man. I'm a woman. I'm gay. I'm lesbian. I'm nothing. I'm too much. I'm attracted to women. I'm repulsed by them. I'm attracted to men. I'm repulsed by them. I desire a dick. The idea of having one repulses me. I desire breasts. The idea of having them repulses me. I am a man who looks like a woman. I'm a woman who looks like a man.

All these things would somehow feel less contradictory if they all stemmed from one singular individual. Instead I have to look away from one that one mirror shards reflection, only to be confronted with another one bearing a similar, but not identical, version of my own face.

How could I ever begin to explain these thoughts and feelings to the people in my life who, while ultimately love me and would never seek to hurt me, also would be unlikely to understand? Who, for valid reasons given my past health, might interpret this as reasons to assume that I'm in the process of entering another suicidal breakdown?

I've started altering my appearance certain days in accordance to these fluctuations, as well as indulging in creative fiction as a way to indulge in what's ultimately a power fantasy of the many, contradicting things that define my personhood.

It feels amazing... until someone else sees it, and the illusion of being freed breaks. And I can't help but notice that this has fed my returning depression and hopelessness. There's no escape, I will forever be defined by this one role.

It wouldn't help if people in my life knew of this and accepted it. It would still feel like I'm just being coddled and entertained, that their perception of me is ultimately that of a singular person. And even if they didn't, I also wouldn't feel great being seen as entirely separate, concrete individuals because thqt's just not what I am. I am me who is also we, but we are all me.

And maybe that is just a normal human experience at the end of the day. Maybe what I'm feeling just happens to be slightly fueled by me being defined by two decades of uninterrupted trauma and mental illness.

No matter the reason this is just getting increasingly harder and harder to deal with and ignore, despite the fact that I'd rather die than tell anyone who knows me personally. I can't even bear to be comforted by people who perceive the Me(tm), because I feel so gross and seen and defined. Both because of this and because of other trauma.

This side blogs existence is the only reason I am able to even talk about this to this much detail, and that's the only reason I can post it publically. Where nothing I say will make people who know me reach out to try and help.

I don't deserve their kindness, because who in their right mind would feel so negatively about being seen and cared for? Who in their right mind would do that and yet also be hypocritical enough to feel hurt and upset when feeling uncared for? Though again, unrelated trauma. Another shard to the broken mirror.

I want to put a name to this. I want to understand my experiences. But does it matter really if I'll just keep living like always with no changes?

Had I not been physically disabled I might have gone willingly missing, cut off everyone I know despite how sad that would make me just for a chance at freeing myself from the tangled mess I've ended up in with my current life. The only possible alternative I could think of is death, but unfortunately I don't have a suicidal bone left in me.

#this is probably incoherent also i wrote this in bed on my phone with bad achey hands while in the brain trenches #sorry for using these tags i just dont know what to do #id love to hear more from others #plural community #plurality #median system #parasian #plural system #tw suicide mention #tw vent

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onlychorus · 3 months ago

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There's a lot on my mind...I'll start with the good things. So I got my lab results back, and I have successfully lowered my A1c levels back into the healthy range. Cutting out all that bread and rice and pasta, finally paid off. But I do have to keep it up. I'm only at 5.6, and 4.8 is the other end of range, so It would be good to be below 5.6.

I cooked for the week, I got some more bean sprouts to cook to replace rice with. Oh, and my deodorants came. They're good, and last well on me. I should be good with deodorant for the rest of the year now. The next self-care/beauty thing is my hair. I'll be getting my hair braided...perhaps Monday. I haven't had braids in a year so it will be something to adjust to. Oh and I got another prescription for the tretinoin. It will be my last one on the insurance though. I have to go pick it up tomorrow.

Well now for the bad... I've been struggling with art...creativity and building up my pages. I'll say it clearly. It's lonely online. Without my friend, it's so very lonely. I'm not into any kinds of media, I don't play games, or watch any shows. So I don't do fanart or anything interesting. It's hard to connect with people and even find like minded artists.

I'm trying to give myself some grace (I said before), I'm only getting it art because of this summer break. As soon as I start back work, I'll probably draw less again. Granted, from November until May, I was going through a lot: Grieving, adapting to my first job, dealing with those shit kids/coworkers. It was such crazy transition I had to deal with alone. I stuck through and came out on the other side. Now as of June, I'm lucky, in regard to my art, that my skill has improved. But I lost so much of myself. All my ideas, my drive, creativity, feels gone. It's so difficult for me to create like I used to. But to be honest, I was never that good at being creative. I had always struggled with executing my ideas. I feel like I have no identity. I don't know who I am or who I want to be. And I'm so very lonely.

I'm trying to change myself but it's so hard when I don't know myself. I don't know how to present myself to others. How much longer will I live this way...

But, what I have ultimately decided, is that I need to stop what I'm doing : Putting time and effort into random illustrations and getting little return. I've been doing that for years now. It's time for me to work smarter and harder. I need to look at the art and designs I like, and start learning from them. If I want to build my platforms, I need to do it with appealing art. So I intend to ask for paid sketch requests of fanart through Ko-fi. They should generally low-effort but still visually appealing. While I focus more on developing design skills. It may not lead me to getting much profit... So I think I'll work on developing a chibi style to sell. And as I said before, I'll do YCHs to sell.

So those are my plans for the last quarter of the year. There's still a lot of real like crap that will get to me. But I will not give up on my dreams to be an illustrator and make a living of my work. I'm going to be successful , I just need to work harder and smarter.

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carlyraejepsans · 1 year ago

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When he woke up again in the morning, it was to the chinking of ceramic at the breakfast table.

Papyrus also barged through the door with a loud greeting, bootin' his way into the house like a tornado about a second later. But it was the cutlery that woke him. Honest.

"Ah, hello Papyrus!"

"Good morning miss Toriel. Sans!!" his brother glared in his direction, crossing his arms over his chest, "Oh my god, did you fall asleep on the couch again?? Seriously! I can't leave you alone even a single night."

He snorted, "morning to you too, bro."

"Good morning!" Papyrus perked up, "You're still unbelievable."

Sans chuckled. He made to get up and—nope, okay, going back down. Turns out his neck really didn't want to, well. Turn. Not out, not up. Definitely not to his left.

Yeah, he had to give it to him there; he wasn't getting any younger.

...Something about neck pain, huh.

Eh. He should probably forget it.

"I hope I'm not too late to join you."

"Do not worry, my friend. You are just in time. I have already set your milk on the stove."

"Oh-ho, your foresight precedes you, as usual!"

"yeah. call that pre-mom-nition."

"Sigh... and he hasn't even left the sofa...!!"

When he finally sat down at the table, the kid was already digging into their grub. Something that might have been cereal just a few moments earlier, but looked more like paper marche with every stab of their spoon. They looked up from their improvised mortar and pestlè to give him a grin. He winked back. Bone appetite.

Toriel slid a plate of toasted bread under his face and he murmured his thanks.

"you got everything worked out last night?"

"Nyeheheh, I did! However! I'm afraid I shall have to break my fast... even faster than usual! Your handsome ambassador is still required elsewhere."

Frisk furrowed their brow. They let their spoon drop into their bowl to sign, "Is something wrong?"

"Of course not," his brother waved a hand in the air dismissively, "Just lots of meetings and talking no one really sees the point of, trying to get stuff approved. Seriously. I had fun doing daily reports to Undyne, but this is just ridiculous."

"yeah, they don't even let you supplex the other guy."

"They don't!! Human bureaucracy... I'll never understand it. What's that thing on your shirt."

…huh?

Papyrus pointed at him, "There! On your shoulder? sort of??"

He looked down at himself and—ah. Heh. Probably should've assumed something like that'd happen.

He shrugged. "dunno. ask Frisk. they were the one drooling on it."

The kid shoved another spoonful of cereal paste into their mouth and shrugged as well, "It was decent."

"oh?"

"I've had better. 6/10."

"woah. scalding critique. after ruining my outfit for today too… you're pretty ruthless."

Frisk snorted, then signed, "You were gonna change it anyway."

"why? it passed the smell test."

"It did nOt."

"yeah you're right. it passed the taste test though."

"Barely," Papyrus grumbled.

"Enough bickering, you three," Tori laughed to herself as she got up to put the milk in the fridge, "rest assured, if Sans here holds off on his cleaning routine any longer, I will take drastic measures."

Oh boy. "really. by hand or measuring tape?"

She looked over her shoulder. Talk about angelic smiles.

"The garden hose."

He didn't even have a chance to say "promise?" that bam, kid started kicking up a stink worthy of a shower too. How HE gets to play with the hose now and that's supposed to be fair? Where's justice gone off to die to, and so on. Tori laughed, saying something about how summer was ending and SOME people could stand getting blasted with water out in the cold without being sick for a month; all while rattling 'round the fridge.

Then she suddenly stopped.

When she turned around, she had The Face.

"Frisk," she said. She had The Voice, too. She narrowed her eyes, "I believed I had made myself clear. No human sweets after ten in the evening."

She held up the incriminating evidence.

Huh. Oh yeah, he'd seen that chocolate bar around before. Had been in the fridge since dog knew how long.

He was pretty sure it hadn't been bitten in half though.

The kid's eyes widened. "It wasn't me!", they gestured wildly in defence of their innocence.

Toriel's goare narrowed further.

Obviously she was out of the question. Paps too, since he'd left in time with an alibi. That only left two options.

The kid turned towards him. He looked back.

"who, me?" he said with a wink, "sorry, not a fan of that stuff. my sweet tooth fell out years ago"

Their face was… heh. Okay. Who knew pure betrayal could look that adorable.

"My child…" Toriel began again.

Aand yep. That was the time to tab out. He couldn't leave the kid thinking they'd been framed. Pranks were fun, but groundings aren't stuff to be trifled with. Besides, as much as his instincts were dying to let the matter fade into oblivion, he'd put a couple things together about last night.

"but, uh, personally I would lay off on time-outs this time," he jumped in, parrying Tori's scolding glare with a wink, "as it turns out. Seems like we've got a sleepwalker in the house."

She blinked at him.

"Is that so?"

"Yup."

He laid back in his chair and shoved his hands in his—right, no pockets. Oh well.

Looking back at the kid, their face was carefully blank.

"woke up tonight when they face-planted off the couch. they got as far as the fridge and then came back, but they were uh, clearly out of it. i didn't try to stop em in case they did something funny."

"...Sleepwalking," the kid repeated.

"Hey, I used to do that too! Sans had to get me off the roof once."

Even Tori had to concede after watching their back-n-forth, "Well, I suppose I can see your reasoning. Sleepwalking can make for very entertaining stories."

Yep. There it was. He threw her a wink; ever a woman after his heart.

"gotta be honest, though. the special effects were a surprise. do all humans have glow-in-the-dark eyes or didja snatch a special edition somewhere?"

He threw a glance to the side at the kid, but they weren't looking at him. They looked, well, pensive.

…Tori too. She blinked. He couldn't help noticing her eyelids fluttering closed for just a second too long.

"It is not unprecedented, no."

Right. He really oughta try his best not to send her down memory lane.

Frisk looked up at him again and… yeah. Okay. He forgot that too sometimes. The kid had a gift just for unnerving him.

"Did I say anything strange?"

Sans looked at them. Maybe, he thought, he shouldn't have worked himself up over the red eyes thing. Not when the kid looked like they'd had a staring contest with King Midas on a normal day.

"Actually… you did."

It was something with the way they held themself. He couldn't explain it any other way.

He leaned in. The kid leaned in too. Even his brother and Tori gathered just that much closer.

"Well????" Papyrus actually whispered.

He smiled.

"I'm the greatest booger eater."

A loud snort broke the silence. Tori looked guilty around the room.

"Forgive me, I was not expecting that."

Then the groaning began.

…He'd changed his mind. THIS was his favorite moodsetter.

Amidst his brother's theatrics, Frisk scrunched their nose up at him.

"Secret secret password?"

"of course not," he said, "that would be extremely childish."

Papyrus stood up first.

"Well, I'll be off then. I won't be running late to entertain my brother's shenanigans."

"Can I come with?" the kid piped up. Something in their face still held something serious in it.

His brother hesitated, "W-Well."

"Just to the edge of the woods," they went on, "There's someone that I want to see again."

"My child, are you sure you—" Tori began, but the kid shook their head.

"I already know the way back. It's just to make the trip easier. I'll be home for dinner. Promised."

"sounds to me like you're just itching to hitch a ride on a cool car."

They stuck their tongue out at him. Rascal.

"Humm! Well, if miss Toriel doesn't object, there is in fact a very cool car we need to take right now!! Nyeheheh, quickly, on board!"

Frisk climbed onto his brother's back. Barely a second later, they were already out the door, hooting and cheering like goofballs.

Heh. Talk about their average monday.

He'd have cracked another joke, but he noticed Tori staring into space again. Chocolate bar in her hands. Mind away and away.

But he wouldn't have needed to see her to tell. After all, they'd talked in silences for so long, he would've know she was in a reminiscence spiral with his hands in his pockets, and a door behind his back.

Still, there were things a door didn't let you do.

He reached out to put a hand over one of hers. They were big enough that he could cover only a few digits, but hey. It was the thought that counted.

"you good?"

She smiled at him and squeezed his hand back.

"I am. Thank you, my friend."

"don't sweat it. looks like you're gonna need to make a sugar stash against the kid."

"Yes. I was considering my possibilities, in fact."

He grinned. "my vote's on the electricity panel."

"The… electricity panel?"

"yeah. it's already choc full of the stuff."

"Leave."

Technically speaking, he was a light sleeper.

Which was just hilarious for two different reasons. One, he topped at twenty pounds soaking wet—and that was after he'd reached for the towel. The joke basically wrote itself. The other reason was, of course, that nobody believed him. Honestly, he could kinda get it. It's pretty hard for irony to escape him, even on a bad day. The way he saw it, though, maybe he wouldn't take as many naps as he did, if he just managed to get one to stick.

...heh, nah. Probably not. Late to rise, early to bed, makes a man lazy or clinically dead, or however the saying went. Still.

The kid stiffened against his ribcage and that was all it took for his eyes to fly open.

The popcorn ceiling of the living room stared back at him through the darkness in all its tacky glory. Now that's another joke that writes itself. It wasn't a movie night at Tori's without some comment about her taste in decor. That always earned him a round of groans. Or a halfhearted pillow to the head. It was one of his favorite moodsetters.

His hand dangled in the air at his side. Not on the floor. Just a few months earlier, that alone would've told him he wasn't in his room, but oh boy, had things changed. He had a bedframe now, not to mention enough self respect for one. AND fitted sheets—that was a lifetime first. You had to be careful not to fall off, but all things considered, it was the fanciest bed he'd slept on since he'd tried using his worker bonus at MTT's. If he risked falling off the bed now, he'd risked never finding his way out then. Not to mention the guy in the other room calling for room service the entire night. He almost retired the midnight snacks bit on Undyne out of sympathy the next time she came over.

Almost.

The kid's head twitched.

Right. Popcorn. Living room. Springy mattress. He didn't need to smoke a pipe to realize he'd fallen asleep on the sofa. Didn't need a goofy hat either to see that someone must've thought he'd make a good pillow. Go figure. He'd gotten real good at making himself look softer under his clothes, but still, it wasn't exactly the kind of magic a guy could keep up with his eyes closed and a pillow behind his head. He just hoped they weren't too uncomfortable.

He must've dozed off sometime after Papyrus left the house and Toriel turned in for the night, 'cause nobody had stopped by to throw a blanket over him. Most nights that would've been fine. Nice thought aside, skeletons didn't really feel cold "to their bones", on account of lacking all the soft and fleshy stuff on top of 'em.

Yeah, well. Most nights. Most nights he didn't have a human kid sleeping on top of him, either.

Sans looked down. He resisted the urge to blow a strand of hair out of their face.

Most nights, skeletons didn't have hearts beating against their ribs.

Ba-dum—ba-dum—ba-dum.

He would've asked them if it felt any different, having it beat on the other side of their ribcage, if they hadn't already crawled their way inside his months before.

Heh. Not like they hadn't done the same with everyone else. Or ever asked for permission, the little freeloader. But he supposed that part came free with being monsters. The whole HOPE and compassion and everything nice kinda shtick. As a rule, they were, uh, very prone to attachment. It was hardwired into their SOULs or something. Of course, he knew better than anyone that compassion had its cost, and he'd ran low on HOPE for a long, long while, but...

There was a ray of light coming through the kitchen at night like he hadn't seen in an even longer time. The kind with a moon and stars hung at the other end of it.

Yeah. Maybe he could afford something nice for once.

Frisk stirred again. He kept as still as possible as they wriggled around, pushing themself off of him—trying, he assumed, not to shove their boney little knees somewhere unpleasant.

Then they flopped to their side and fell to the floor with a thud.

See, THAT'S the kinda issue you don't have when you have no self respect.

Slowly, the kid got to their feet again. They stood perfectly straight for a moment, then took an unsteady step forward. Then another.

To call it "walking" would've been an act of mercy. It was more of an ambling. Maybe a shambling. Sans watched their journey towards the kitchen mentally listing of adverbs. Stumbling. Fumbling. Trailing. That one didn't have a mbl in it, points for originality.

Mostly, he was ecstatic. Nothing made for fun breakfast stories quite like sleepwalking. And well, he hadn't had one of those since Papyrus turned fifteen and stopped sleeping entirely.

When the kid finally reached the fridge, they all but shoved their head inside it. He heard them do... something in there. There were definitely teeth involved. He was about to ask them to bring some goods back to homebase.

The door of the fridge clicked closed.

He didn't.

Then, he almost made a joke about forgetting their headlights on, but thought otherwise. He was glad he'd left his own off.

Besides, it was the taillights that were supposed to glow red.

Eyesockets dark and still pretending to sleep, he kept watch as the kid turned around and retraced their shambling steps to the living room like a miniature zombie.

Halfway to the sofa, they stopped, making a small sound like a grumbling of annoyance. For a second their eyes grew even more unfocused.

"Sleep," they rasped out in a low, halting whisper, "I saved you a crick in the neck."

It took him a second to register that the kid wasn't talking to him. Mostly 'cause Frisk didn't speak. To him. Or ever.

By the time they reached their starting point again, his excitement had died off into quiet confusion and quickly curdled into caution. They stopped at the edge of the sofa and fixed him with a stare, looking at where they'd been sleeping before. Sans waited.

"I am not doing that," they rasped to themself again.

Then they climbed onto the other end of the sofa and curled around themself as small as possible. So tightly it looked like they wanted to tuck their tiny body into a ball.

When they stopped moving, they didn't move again.

Sans didn't lift a finger. His brain whirred in his skull, ready to chalk up the past few minutes to the sleepwalking and forget they ever happened. Staring up at the popcorn ceiling again, though, he couldn't shake off a wave of uneasiness; like he'd seen something he wasn't quite supposed to put together.

Any man would've spent the night awake.

He cast a glance at the kid, huddled in their corner. There was no heartbeat against his ribs now: something about the silence felt foreboding.

Sans closed his eyes.

Ten minutes later, of course, he was out like a light.

#PART! TWO!! i can only write at night so. once again will check tomorrow for legibility. and probably get a beta before continuing it on ao3 #BUT HERE IT IS #this is the most I've written in two days in ages #undertale #sans #mywriting #frisk #toriel #papyrus

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ndragoon · 1 year ago

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Really love how the past two weeks have played out.

Starts off with me going to the ER because of back pain so severe I couldn't even just sit and watch stuff because every pulse of pain made me physically move in kind

They told me that not only did I have a bad infection, but it had caused sepsis and I needed to stay and be treated for it.

Okay, whatever. I don't know the specifics of it but I know it killed one of my closest friend's mom a few months ago, so I'll put up with it.

While I'm there, I get seen by a urologist (technically I saw four, but the other three were decent) who tells me that actually, the prostate doesn't really have any issues unless you're around 60, so even if this wasn't going on they'd never look at it anyway. It doesn't matter that it hurts to stimulate my prostate because it's "small and perfectly healthy".

She then goes on to tell me that I didn't actually have any shrinkage from the testosterone gel. Sometimes the testicles do reduce in size some. But mine are just small and were small since I was born. The only reason they "seem to sit high" is because I'm just really fat and because of all the fat down there, it hangs around them and obscures them. The only reason I felt any pain in them was because of this infection, since it's all connected.

Doesn't matter that they shrunk down so much I only feel the tubes behind them most of the time. Doesn't matter that I can't even find those sometimes because they pull up inside me. Doesn't matter that they used to hang low enough that if it was warm I had to put in effort to make sure they didn't dunk in the toilet water. Doesn't matter that my penis has shrunk so considerably that it's clearly visible with photo evidence, since I used to take size comparison pics to show just how small it was for the longest time. Clearly I'm just a Manly Man trying to strut my stuff and explain why I'm not packing a summer sausage with two oranges at the moment.

When I finally get told I'm well enough to leave, I'm also told I'm not allowed to drive for some reason until I see my PCP and get cleared. So I'm like whatever, I'll deal with it since I shouldn't be going anywhere anyway.

Finally see my pcp and she tells me that apparently the scans they did found stuff on my liver, some kind of thing alongside fibrosis. What's going on with it is something that just seemingly happens. She told me there really isn't any known cause, it just happens.

The rest of my lifespan is basically going to be dictated by roulette. It doesn't matter if I became *perfectly healthy* by the most ridiculously strict standards. I could see the doctor one day and be told I have 2 to 10 years left anyway.

And now I can't even find anything pleasant online because people are acting like reblogging about Palestine's genocide to the exclusion of everything else is going to help. If anyone posts anything even slightly positive or neutral, they get attacked because they are supposed to be reblogging about it exclusively with no breaks.

So I'm basically stuck being reminded that I'm stuck dying alone because I'm not going to drag someone else into my life when I might have to tell them I have two years left after we just got started, on top of everything else. While also seeing an endless running commentary about how a genocide is going on that is actually okay! Because apparently Jews are the only forbidden people to genocide!

Because people seem to think that the US Army will suddenly start to care about what the people want if they are just annoying enough to the right people, as if they haven't been doing whatever they want longer than I've been alive.

And I'm sitting here being forced to pretend that everything is okay because if I stop to so much as catch my breath, everything will breach my mind and I'll start to spiral badly. But I also can't step away from anything because it's as they say, it makes me selfish putting myself over everyone else who has no choice but to keep dealing with it with no way to get out.

#Reki Personal #Reki Medical

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countessofravenclaw · 1 year ago

Text

Like the Red Rose blooms in the Oxford Garden: Chapter eleven

Sometimes when your heart breaks… it feels like there is no way to fix it. No matter what you try. All the memories get left behind as something unfinished… But maybe, there is to way to fix it, A second chance. Some way to finish the story you two started writing because it was never the end, but just a part of the story… even if you have to travel far to achieve it.

I'll tell you the truth but never goodbye

“What are you looking at?” Nina peeked over Gastón’s computer. He truly was an engineering student now, having his computer out even on a plane. This was still supposed to be a vacation, his job for the summer didn’t start until the next week.

There were still few hours left until they landed back at England after two and half weeks at Buenos Aires. They had had so much fun with everyone. After the shell shock of the sudden news wore off from everyone, it had been like nothing had ever happened. Everyone had been so happy and supportive. Hanging out together had made Nina really sure about that this was how it was supposed to be…

…she surely was gonna miss everyone so much, but the plane was not going to wait for them, and it had soon enough become time to go back to Oxford. They would see everyone again. Luna had been all about how she will come and stalk the royal family until she got a selfie with the Queen an Ambar had also said that she wanted to come to see places and drag Simon along.

“Nothing,” He closed his laptop, a little too quickly, “I should probably put this away before we land.”

“That would be in three hours,” Nina looked at him, “You know, I can tell when you are lying too. What were you looking at?”

“Okay,” Gastón seemed to be deep in thought for a moment, “I was planning on bringing this up when we were back on the ground… and settled back there.”

“Bring up what?” Nina hoped she didn’t look too alarmed, but she hadn’t though that something could be wrong. They had just had an extremely great time with their friends. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Gastón took her hand, “This is just something I have been thinking about, and I get if it’s way too soon for you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I guess I can just come out and say it,” Gastón opened his computer back up, “What do you think about of an idea that we get out of the dorms and get a place?”

“You mean—” Nina looked Gastón straight into his eyes and then back to his computer, where he had some real estate website open. That’s what he had been looking at. “—move in together?”

“In short, Yes,” Gastón nodded, “Longer version: I kind of got thinking about it when we got to spend a lot of time by ourselves at my place and then I talked with Pedro and Delfi about it, because they were looking for a place.”

“Yeah, I remember that.” Nina responded.

“I don’t want to spend any more time away from you than necessary,” Gastón continued, “We have lost so much time already. Not to say that our time hasn’t been incredible, but if we lived together, no more separate dorm rooms and dancing around everyone else's schedules. But I don’t want to pressure you, we have move pretty fast.”

“Not any faster than last time.”

“I just wanna have this conversation. What do you think?”

“I honestly haven’t thought about it,” Nina started, “But, you are also right, living with you would be a dream come true, and the logical step forward. Plus, our roommates do probably hate us.”

“As much as I love Oliver and Jacob, I have lived with them for two years now,” Gastón remarked, “I don’t know how much more 24/7 I can truly take with them.” He trailed off for a second, and reached for Nina’s other hand, squeezing them tightly, “So, is this for real? Are we actually doing this.”

“I think we are.” Nina honestly didn’t need to think of twice. She knew, she was sure. She had dreamed of this, that was for certain. “Timing could not be better either, since I forgot to mention to you, but my scholarship only covered the accommodations for the first year. I have been putting off dealing with it.”

“Then this certainly is perfect.” Gastón smiled and leaned closer. Nina forgot for a moment that they were in an almost full plane. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Nina gave him a small kiss. She wanted to do it properly, but they were still in the plane. There would be time… hopefully the rest of their lives.

“Once we land, I’ll call Mom,” Gastón said as the seatbelt light came back on, “she certainly has contacts here. I mean we could do this the hard way, start looking at listings and whatnot, but I think it’ll be easier if we just cheat. I don’t know how close we can get a place to campus, but I think we can manage. We have car.”

“You mean, you do.” Nina pointed out, “I can’t drive.”

“You should,” Gastón turned to her, “I think it’s time for you to learn.”

“But how do I do that?”

“I am too young to get a teaching permit,” Gastón started typing on his computer, “But I think in Europe in general, it is more common to use agencies. We need to enroll you in a driving school.”

“You really think that I can do that?” Nina started getting more frightful.

“I know you can,” Gastón smile, “Plus, my car is automatic, so that will make it easier.”

“Hey!!!” Ariana and Marlee attacked Nina as soon as she entered the campus coffee shop. It apparently was bit of a tradition now that they all met up at the coffee shop before the new year started. Gastón had told her that they had done it the year before. They had been bit late with Gastón, so everyone else, Jacob, Marlee, Oliver, James and Ariana were already waiting for them.

“Where’s Gastón?” James asked as Nina sat down. “Was he such a success at Renishaw that they gave him an executive position and now he’s not coming back?”

“No,” Nina rolled her eyes, “He’s in the car. His Mom called.”

After they had gotten back from Buenos Aires, they had been making some headway with the apartment. Isla had gotten them into contact with Anna Hughes, one of her contacts who was active on the Oxford area… but apartments in campus were hard to come by. That’s why it had taken two months, but right now they a had promising lead. Without Isla, it would have been hundred times harder.

“So how was Buenos Aires?” Ariana asked, “You at least came back, so you didn’t have too good a time.”

“Yes, we came back,” Nina laughed, “But we did have fun. It was great to be home for a bit and see friends.”

“How did that work?” Jacob asked, “Did you meet his, he met yours?”

“Yes, we met… both of our friends,” Nina answered and trying not to fumble over any of her words. That was not a lie… all of their friends were mutual friends, so they were both their friends.

“So, you met his skating crew?” Oliver questioned, some kind of mischievous gleam in his eye.

“Yes…” Nina looked at him varily, “what about it?”

“Lucky, because he refuses to talk about it.”

“Just that…” Ariana laughed, “You knew he used to do freestyle rollerskating?”

“Yes, I do know that,” Nina nodded, “He doesn’t do that anymore, almost no one does from their team.” Her team as well, but she had never explicitly told anyone of them about her own skating experiments.

“Well, he told us that that was where the drama was at.” Ariana continued, “Lots of inter-team dating and stuff like that.”

At least Gastón had been truthful about that to the people. What Ariana was describing was pretty accurate, there surely had been drama. Ambar and Matteo, Luna and Simon, Luna and Matteo, Ambar and Simon, not to mention all that Jim and Yam had been up to. Her and Gastón also had been their own story. Nico had jetted himself off to the USA. Delfi and Jazmin and their channels… the list went on.

“Who doesn’t have that drama in high school?” James interrupted while basically signing Ariana to shut up.

“Hold up, we’re not changing the subject,” Jacob piped up, “We’re not done with the topic. How did it go with your friends? Since Gastón isn’t here, so you can spill the tea.”

“You know what they say,” Marlee continued, “If your bestie doesn’t like the guy, axe the guy. I mean I bet they all were expecting you to bring home a cute British guy, hopefully they weren’t disappointed with a one that literally went to the same school as you.”

“Luna liked him just fine.” Nina had not expected to come under this kind of interrogation, alone nonetheless. Gastón really just had to get stuck on the phone with Isla.

“Did you make Matteo and Luna meet up? How did that go down?”

This really had to stop. Nina was not sure how much longer she would be able to keep this up. But no way, she was going to tell anything alone.

“Sorry about that,” finally Gastón walked in, “Mom had a lot to say.”

“We were just asking Nina about you trip back home.” James explained, “Apparently you met up with lot of people.”

“Yeah, we did that.” Nina felt Gastón tap on the shoulder, “Necesito hablar contigo.”

“Bueno. ¿Qué pasa?” Nina stood up and faced him.

“Mom said she had talked with Hughes,” Gastón explained, “The place we spoke with her about is on the private market.”

“You mean…?”

“Yeah. Mom pulled some strings to get access to it.” Gaston nodded, “If we move fast, we might be able to get it, before it goes on the public market. Anna’s gonna call me later with details. You agree with me that we’re sure this is it?”

“Of course,” Nina nodded, “It has the perfect position for the campus and everything.”

“Speaking Spanish should be illegal.” Gastón and Nina turned around after an annoid voice. It had been Oliver—

“You two want to tell the rest of us what you are talking about so secretly?”

“You can’t even speak freely here anymore?” Gastón rolled his eyes at the others as he and Nina sat back down.

“Maybe we should just tell them?” Nina suggested. The others would find out anyway. “Necesitamos ayuda con la mudanza.”

“Tell us what,” Marlee raised an eyebrow, “This is getting ominous…”

“Not like that, Marlee,” Gastón rolled his eyes again. “Okay, I know all of you love coming up with wild theories about us, so be probably just have to come clean. We have been looking at apartments.”

“We found something,” Nina continued, “So, we’re moving in together, hopefully really soon.”

***

“Well done, Romeo,” Oliver patted Gastón on the back as they were walking on a hallway with James and Jacob. “You now actually are abandoning us.”

“It’s not like we are never going to see each other again,” Gastón rolled his eyes, “We’ll just be off campus.”

“You truly are going full steam ahead,” Jacob laughed, “What happened to the person who refused to even look at a girl because he was so hung up on his ex?”

“He came to his senses,” Gastón answered quickly. More like: He never moved on and got given a second chance to stop being such an idiot.

“Big time,” James laughed, “You really aren’t pulling any punches. I mean, I don’t blame you, but how did you get Nina to agree with this?”

Quite a people he had decided to be friends with. This reaction was extremely eerily similar to what Matteo had said, in a private phone call, after Gastón and Nina had told Luna and him about their plans. Truth be told, maybe it did seem bit soon, and Gastón hadn’t fully thought that Nina was going to agree either. It had been a surprise that she had.

But to him, this just made sense. He wanted to spend his life with her. Why wait when you knew what you wanted?

“Probably the same way he got her to sleep with him in the first place,” Jacob remarked while the others laughed. Gastón just rolled his eyes, again.

“I thought about it and then discussed it with Nina,” he finally responded. “And she agreed. There is nothing more to it. I have been thinking about it a lot during the summer, when we stayed at Buenos Aires at my place. Mom and Dad travel a lot, so we got to be there by ourselves most of the time. I also talked to some of my friends, who were looking to move into together.”

“So, in other words, you used some underhanded methods?” Oliver questioned smirking, “Where have you been hiding all of this game?”

“Say the people who have been trying to set me up with any girl you have seen walking on the hallway,” Gastón scoffed.

“I get Oliver is saying,” Jacob continued, “How do you all the sudden have all these moves when you have spent the past two years as a selib—”

“Think very carefully if you want to finish that sentence.”

“To change the subject,” James interrupted, “you said that you are going to look at an apartment tomorrow. How did you manage that? That market is a disaster. How are you not on some kind of wait lists to even see places or in an offer war for rental agreements.”

“We didn’t exactly,” Gastón cringed, “I mean, we had help… Mom is in real estate, so she had a contact dig something up. The place is not in the public market at the moment, so there is no war.”

“We’ll never know everything about you, don’t we?” Oliver crossed his arms, “I don’t know anything about real estate, but with common sense, you can deduce that not just everybody has access to things not on the public market. Who on earth is your Mom? Or Dad to that matter, you have never told us.”

“Fine…” Gastón sighed. He was gatekeeping so much information that it was already, this was getting exhausting. “It would be way too long of a story to explain. Google if you want. They are Isla and Marco Perida.”

Gastón kept walking the hallway, but quickly noticed that everyone else had stopped. He turned around to see everyone huddled around one phone. Well, he had told them to google.

“Uff, it’s in Spanish… I can probably put the translator on… Wow!” Gastón crossed his arms as the three heads turned to stare at him. “Is this for real?”

“Yes.”

“The why haven’t you told us this before? We obviously knew that you have money, but this…”

“Well, how would you yourself bring that up?” Gastón questioned as he walked back up to the other guys, “It is not just casual conversation starter. I have not been trying to hide it.”

“What are you doing here?” Jacob questioned, “Shouldn’t you be in finance school?”

“I’m my own person,” Gastón shook his head.

“Fair point,” James nodded, “But tell me something… Does Nina know?”

“Yes,” Gastón breathed. Obviously, she knew, had known for years about his financial situation and inheritage. Keeping that secret started really going over what it originally was supposed to do. “We stayed at my house. She even met my parents. Anyways, we’ll need help carrying boxes after we sign the rent lease… not mention all the things I need to deal with breaking the dorm residency.”

“The whole apartment building went through a massive remodeling a year ago—” Gastón and Nina followed Anna Hughes inside the apartment, “All the locks operate with the electrical system, which can sometimes be an annoyance in some places I have worked, but there have been no reported issues here.”

The apartment was approximately a little over 60 square meters. It had one bedroom, an open kitchen and a living room. The flat was on the top level of a quite tall building and fully refurbished.

“I grew up with a house with fingerprint scanners,” Gastón responded, “I know everything about electrical systems not working at times.”

“Well, that’s a good thing,” Anna nodded, “I have all the paperwork here.” She handed Gastón a pile of papers and Nina turned her head towards them, scanning the first page with her eyes. “I’ll give you some time, let you go over everything.”

“Thanks.”

“I didn’t realize that rent agreements includes so much paperwork,” Nina said as they were sitting down and looking over the papers.

“Yeah, I am surprised too,” Gastón said as he took the paper Nina was handing to him, “You’d think these would be digitalized, it is almost the 2020s after all.”

“Lot of these are just general information forms,” Nina was looking over another paper, “But I think this one needs signatures… Yes, this is the one.” She pulled a pen from her bag and wrote her name on the line at bottom and handed Gastón the form and the pen. He also signed on the line but couldn’t help but think how ugly his writing looked next to Nina’s. Her signature was so beautiful.

“What do you think about the layout?” Gastón asked after they finished filling out the forms.

“Well, I am no interior designer, so I don’t really have an opinion,” Nina shrugged, “You?”

“I like this.” Gastón responded, “There is a lot of storage space. I do think that we could shuffle some things around—” He pointed some of the chests of drawers. “—to get more optimal use of the space.”

“Did you already completely memorize the floor plan?” Nina raised her eyebrow at him.

“Not really,” Gastón shook his head, “But I do have some ideas. Like that wall over there,” he pointed to the empty wall on their left, “We could put some bookcases on there.”

“That’s a good idea,” Nina agreed, “I was never able to fit all of my books anywhere at the dorms.”

“Trip to Ikea it is then,” Gastón nodded.

“Ikea?”

“You never been to Ikea?” Gastón questioned.

“No,” Nina shook her head, “I mean, I know what it is, but never been there. When have you? You have never shopped your own furniture.”

“James dragged me there last year to find him an extra nightstand,” Gastón explained, “He prides himself in being a the self-proclaimed “master of DIY bookshelves”. Whatever that means. Are we done with these now? Because if we are, we have time to start packing the dorms up.”

“Did you figure everything out with the dorm offices?” Nina asked.

“I still need to fill some forms,” Gastón huffed annoyed. Breaking the dorm's lease had been harder than anticipated for some reason, “Why is it so hard? You didn’t have to go through all the trouble.”

“Probably because I was on the freshmen lease,” Nina noted, “You are on the multiyear one. I just didn’t renew my lease changing it to that.”

“You freshman really have it easy,” Gastón reached to brush a lock or hair out of Nina’s face.

“Well, I am not a freshman anymore,” Nina looked at him with playfully questioning eyes, “Sophomore starting on Monday.”

“So, is everything clear with you?” Anna walked up to them.

“Yes,” Gastón got up and handed her the papers they had just signed. “This should be everything.”

“Well, then this is it.” Anna smiled and pulled three keys out of her pocket, “This is officially yours now. It is my time to bid farewell.”

“Thank you, Anna, for everything.”

“It was my pleasure,” Anna nodded, “Give Isla my regards, it has been splendid to work with her. I always learn so much. Although, I have to admit that I didn’t know she had a son.”

“You and the rest of the world,” Gastón grumbled.

“What was that?”

“I was just joking,” Gastón laughed, “I predate her rise to success. Don’t really know where I would have come up in a conversation about real estate.”

“Grab a box.” Gastón opened the ground-level door to James. Nina had left to run some errands, and James had offered to come over to help Gastón with unpacking and see what kind of apartment they had found.

“Don’t you have a lift in this place?” James complained as they started to climb up the stairs.

“What do you need a lift for?” Gastón teased him and started climbing the stairs faster, “It is only seven levels.”

“Seven?!” James exclaimed, “It didn’t look so high from the outside. Can you slow down a little bit? I don’t have the durance of a freestyle roller-skater.”

“Maybe you should join me at the gym,” Gastón remarked as they finally made it to the right floor.

“I get enough exercise from the brain power we need to use for the courses this year. Already dreading it,” James shook his head, “I can’t believe that we’ll need to start the theses this year.”

“Well, we kind of need those if we want to finish our bachelors,” Gastón pulled the key out and opened the door, “And then, low and behold, grad school.”

“Can’t wait,” James remarked sarcastically as he walked through the door. “This is nice. Your mother really must be good at her job.”

“It is not wise to underestimate her,” Gastón nodded and pointed towards the bookcases at the end of the living room, where there were four other boxes, “Let’s put these there.”

“What are these?” James asked as they put the boxes down, “These don’t look like ones you took from your dorm.”

“Those are at the bedroom,” Gastón explained. Sorting through all their personal items like clothing had been surprisingly fast affair. He and Nina had been able to do almost all of that on Friday, “These have stuff we shipped from our houses back in Buenos Aires. Books, pictures, mementos, all the kind of stuff.”

“Did you go to Ikea without me?” James asked eyeing the shelves.

“Didn’t have time to get you,” Gastón explained, “We just got some shelves, for books.”

“Why am I not surprised?” James said while looking at the boxes. “How are you even supposed to stack these?”

“Alphabetical order,” Gastón shrugged, “It’s not that hard.”

“Did Nina teach you that?”

“No,” Gastón shook his head as he picked up a pocket knife and cut the first box open. “I have a library at my house. I have been into books before I met her.”

“Yeah, we know that,” James looked at Gastón.

“Anyways, you go through that,” Gastón throwed the knife to James who opened another box.

“What’s this?” James pulled a thick leather covered book from the box.

“Looks like a photo album,” Gastón turned his head from another one of the boxes, “We have couple of those. Old fashioned, I know, but what can you do? You can put those on the shelf far right.”

“Wow, you kept these?” Gastón had been concentrating on stacking the books in the right order on the top shelf of the bookcase closest to the wall, when James’ voice shook his out of his thoughts.

“Kept what?” he turned around, expecting to see James holding some old thing of his that he had taken…

He was not doing that… the photo album that he had been holding before. Gastón internally panicked for a second. There had been like three albums he had taken with him. He was not sure which one of those that was. One that had some childhood pics… or current ones, which right now would hold lot of sensitive information.

He and Nina had not yet been able to come up with any viable way to let the truth out in the open.

“These.” James turned the album around. On the spread he had been looking at, were pictures from Gastón’s graduation. There was one pic of Nina included there, but it wasn’t that inflammatory situation, since her face wasn’t showing in the picture.

“Those are from my graduation,” Gastón walked over to James, “Why wouldn’t I have them?”

“I didn’t mean those,” James pointed to the pictures on the left, which were Gastón with his parents and with Matteo, “this one. That’s her… right?”

Gastón wanted to hit himself for not getting it right away. James was thinking that the pic was of his ex—which it actually was, but Nina wasn’t his ex, anymore. James though, didn’t know that.

That picture of Gastón picking Nina off her feet on his graduation day, which his dad had taken, was his favorite from the day. His favorite memory of that day, if he was honest.

“Oh yeah,” Gastón just shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant, “What about it? I didn’t go through the album when I packed it.”

“Okay,” James looked at him suspiciously for a moment before turning back to the album, “I’ll get rid of it for you—”

“No no! Don’t do that?” Gastón stopped James before he was able to pull the picture off the page.

“Why not?” James stared at Gastón.

“Well, it’s a good picture,” Gastón scrambled some kind of explanation together, “Dad took it. It would be a shame to get rid of it. It’s not that deep.”

“Really?” James kept looking at Gastón. “Seriously? You are in a happy relationship with girl you pined over for over five months and you’re even in the point of commitment of moving in together, but you still refuse to get rid of a picture of your ex. I am just trying to help you. Let me get rid of it before Nina sees it, because that's when you better have an explanation ready.”

“She has seen it,” Gastón suddenly invented… or well, he didn’t completely make that up, Nina was in that picture, she even had a copy. “And she agrees with me. It’s a good picture, from an artistic standpoint.”

“I am going to be completely honest,” James still kept looking at him with an eyebrow raised, “thats kind of weird, but you do you, I guess then…” James turned to look at picture again. “Honestly, I can see you have a type, could have told us sooner, short brunettes…”

Before Gastón was able to stop James, he turned the page on the album and suddenly froze while staring the page. Gastón needed to strain his neck to see what he was looking at. He didn’t remember the order the pictures were in in the album.

“James?” Gastón looked at the album. The explanation for James’ shock was right there, on the page. It was another picture from Gastón’s graduation day, with Nina, where she was fully recognizable.

“What?” James’ eyes started moving and he flipped the pages back and forth.

Gastón tried to think what to say. This couldn’t be just explained away by saying that the photos were in the wrong order. They were both wearing the same clothing than in the previous picture. “I can explain…”

“Would love to hear it,” James looked at him dead in the eyes, “Because… I am very lost right now. Only one who can photoshop this well is Oliver, and if this is photoshopped, that has some very disturbing implications…”

“It’s not photoshopped.” Gastón finally said. There was no getting away with this, James was really smart. Gastón needed to tell him the truth.

“Then… That means that…” James looked back at the album, and then back to Gastón. “No way.”

“Yes, it’s true,” Gastón nodded.

“This is a lot… so in reality…” James seemed to be piecing things together, “When you met her, it was before our first lecture of the year… that’s why you were totally out of it during it!? And why you were so resistant to pursue her, even when you got along so well. It was her? This whole time?” James huffed, “And we thought you were moving on mate. Why didn’t you tell us?”

“That Nina was the same person as the girl you knew as my ex?” Gastón sighed, “It honestly is a long story. I didn’t know she was coming here, no one told me. When I saw her with Marlee, I thought I was hallucinating. When the dust had settled, I honestly just didn’t know wat to say. I definitely couldn’t ever predict that out of everyone, Nina would have ended up being Ariana and Marlee’s roommate, and you know how they are like. She was going to be integrated amongst us, wanted she it or not. I had to let you all form your own opinions of her, because she’s incredible. It was really awkward between me and Nina at the start, it would have become so much more if you all knew that was actually going on. We tried to be friends, but I couldn’t stay away from her, at that point we were just kind of too far gone on this, and it was quite difficult to even start telling you all of this. I have been in love with her since I was 17-years-old.”

“You could have told me.” James crossed his arms.

“I know, but you all wanted me to move on, for a good reason, and I kind of did the opposite. Somewhere I knew that it was always impossible.” Gastón smiled awkwardly, “All I can say at this point is that I am sorry. If it makes it better, I have been called an idiot throughoutly by Matteo.”

“He has been always aware of this, hasn’t he? No wonder he seemed weird when Nina came up, when we met.”

“I’m back!” Suddenly the door opened, and Nina walked in. “Hi James!”

“Hi, Nina.” James crossed his arms again as he and Gastón turned towards the door.

“What’s going on here?” Gastón wasn’t sure how much, if any, Nina had heard of their conversation, but she surely had picked up on the vibe.

“Oh, we were just talking about certain pictures Gastón had in his album.” James started, with a slightly snarky tone. What Gastón was relieved about was that James didn’t really seem angry, even when he kind of would have the right to be, he just seemed annoyed.

“Pictures?” Nina furrowed her brow as she hung her bag on the closet and looked at Gastón, “¿Qué está pasando?”

“Speaking Spanish won’t get you out of this,” James rolled his eyes.

“Out what?”

“I can explain,” James started smirking, “Gastón was just explaining how you time travelled into his graduation pictures… but you know all about that, don’t you?”

Nina stared blankly at James, before turning to Gastón again? “He knows?”

“I don’t need to speak Spanish to understand that,” James continued, “I just wanted to make sure that you knew that you are the ex that he was moping over all this time, since anything can happen at this point.”

“You told him?” Nina asked Gastón as he finally made his way over to her.

“I had to,” Gastón explained, as he put his hands on her arms, “Like he said, he saw a picture from my graduation, one you were in.”

“Oh,” Nina seemed to understand, “There is no getting out of that.”

“It’s probably the time to tell everybody,” Gastón continued, “We can’t ask him to lie.”

“I am still standing here by the way!” James was leaning into a bookcase while Gastón and Nina had been talking.

***

“Oh my goodness! This is actually true?”

“How? What?”

After Gastón had been forced to tell James, he and Nina had just decided to call everyone to their apartment and just tell the whole story. Fair to say shocked faces were dominating the room at the moment.

“Let me just rewind this a little bit,” Marlee started speaking, “The first time you saw each other, in a year, what that time? I was there! You didn’t say anything.”

“That was the first time, yes.” Gastón nodded, “And we did say things.”

“The Spanish!” Marlee huffed, “Now we actually ought to learn that language. It gives you way good of an advantage.”

“So, you really are her?” Oliver question, looking at Nina. “Don’t take this the wrong way but… what are you doing here?”

“It’s a long story,” Nina looked up for a moment. She felt Gastón tighten his grip on her hand. “If I only made good decisions in my life, I would have been here for my senior year, when Gastón started. My mother is really strict, so travelling and studying on my own has always been something I have wanted… but I am not the bravest person. It was our plan, but then I chickened out—” Gastón tried to interrupt her, but she continued, “—thats what happened. It was the wrong choice, deep inside I noticed it pretty quickly. I got a second chance when I graduated, and realized I couldn’t waste it.”

“I didn’t know she was coming here,” Gastón continued, “and we didn’t know where we stood with each other, so I didn’t say anything.”

“So let me get this straight. Do the things we do know about the ex still apply?” Jacob piped up.

“You can stop calling her that,” Gastón noted, “Not my ex anymore.”

“Okay, but like do they?” Jacob continued, turning to Nina, “Like did she, you, skate since, allegedly you two shared a friend group, which was the skating team.”

“Oh my god really?” Ariana exclaimed, “You skated too? This is just getting better.”

“I did,” Nina admitted after a deep breath, “for a short while. I’m not good. I only did couple of events during our last year. I mostly can stand and go forward and backwards. I didn’t do it professionally, like Gastón and the rest. It was Luna who got me into it.”

“Wait, so she skated too?” Marlee stared at Nina, “Why does that sound familiar…?”

“Wait.” Ariana perked up, “I have no idea why I remember this, but you once said that Luna had sent you a picture of her boyfriend wiping out on skates… Some detectives we are. We should have figured that out. How many roller-skating teams really are there in Argentina?”

“You’d be surprised,” Gastón remarked, “I haven’t counted, but enough to do regional competitions across all of Latin America. Luna was our captain.”

“I thought Matteo’s girlfriend was the captain?” Oliver questioned with a furrowed brow.

“She is,” Nina nodded, and she and Gastón shared a look. “Luna and Matteo are together.”

“What?”

“It took three years of very turbulent courtship, but they have been together for a year now,” Gastón explained, “We don’t know what’s to come, but we’re kind of hopeful. It would have looked bit odd if we both knew a Luna Valente”

“You said Matteo’s girlfriend’s name was Sol,” Jacob stated, “You called the girl who’s called Moon, Sun. If you were going to lie, at least don’t be lazy as that.

“That’s the thing,” Gastón ran his hand on his neck, “I didn’t lie.”

“What now?”

“Luna’s adopted,” Nina explained, “Sol is her birthname.”

“So, is this all?” Ariana questioned, “No more secret things from you past that we need to be aware of? Like you two don’t have a secret child somewhere, right?”

“What?” Gastón and Nina stared at Ariana and each other, “No.”

"¿Bien?"

"¿Qué estás implicando?"

"Nada... Simplemente se me pasó por la cabeza que habría habido una ventana de tiempo para eso."

"¿Y de verdad crees que no te lo habría dicho... o que mamá no me habría matado a mí? ¿O a ti?"

"O por supuesto que no." Gastón shook his head, “The answer is no, because neither of us would be alive right now.”

“This is not how we thought the housewarming party would go down. Can we get some drinks now?”

{}

Well... the cat is out of the bag, finally. See ya in the next chapter... when certain someone might be appearing...

#Soy Luna #soy luna fanfiction #Gastina #getting back together #because they are soulmates and nothing can keep them apart in the end #University fic #Through Gastón and Nina's years at Oxford #Other ships are included in the side:#Lutteo #Simbar #Pelfi #Red Rose blooms in the Oxford Garden

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headfullofpresley · 2 years ago

Text

Little Sister

Pairing: Elvis Presley x reader

Word count: 8,5K

Warning(s): 1962!Elvis (yes that IS a warning), Elvis is not famous in thissss, mentions of cheating/cheating, reader and E are NOT!!! related (pls don’t let the title fool ya), slight age gap (6 years), slight angst(?), smut smut smut, cursing, smoking, alcohol consumption. I think that’s all, but let me know if I missed something!

Author’s note: love me some club singer!Elvis. Was listening to Little Sister today and this idea popped into my filthy brain. Also - I don’t know how it works in other places in the world lol but where I’m from we call unmarried siblings’ partners brother/sister in law as well as brother/sister, just a lil heads up.

Enjoy luvs ;)

———————————————————————

‘‘Little sister, don't you kiss me once or twice and say it's very nice and then you run. Little sister, don't you do what your big sister does.

Ev'ry time I see your sister; well, she's got somebody new. She's mean, and she's evil like that old Boll Weevil; guess I'll try my luck with you.’’

Your heart was racing as you were dragging your suitcase along through the airport of Honolulu. Finally your parents had allowed you to visit your older sister who lived and worked in Hawaii during your four weeks of summer holidays and you were beyond excited. Excited to leave the stress of deadlines and annoying frat boys behind and settle in a new environment for a few weeks. The fact that you would be seeing Elvis Presley, your brother in law, again certainly had nothing to do with the excitement you felt tingling in your stomach. At least, that’s what you told yourself and the longer you’d deny your feelings toward him, the more you’d start to believe your own lies. That was until you were face to face with him again─it was much easier to hide your feelings toward him from a different state.

The fact that you and him kissed a year ago didn’t really help your nerves to see him again either. It happened while you were both drunk and neither of you had spoken a word about it, but it did happen and after the hangover from hell you fought off that next morning, it was all you could think about. Luckily for you, your sister and her boyfriend moved to Hawaii not even a week later and maybe if they wouldn’t have, you would’ve never kissed him. It’s not like you thought you’d never see him again, but you just figured that your sister was too busy with her new job as a tour guide and wouldn’t invite you and your parents over until Christmas time. Seemed like Tracy missed you more than you expected, as she had basically begged you to come live with her for those few weeks of your summer break─she even managed to convince your parents to come alone. Despite you being 20, they were still overprotective over you. Your sister was only three years older, but she had always been a bit more of a rebel, not caring that your parents weren’t too happy with her moving all the way to Hawaii with a man she had only been dating for a few weeks at that time. Apparently things between Elvis and her were still well, seeing they had passed their one year anniversary a few weeks ago.

‘‘Welcome to Hawaii, little one,’’ Elvis greeted you with a wide smile on his face as you stepped out of the airport, trying to ignore the heat surrounding you as if you just stepped into a sauna. Your heart did about ten somersaults against your ribcage and you were pretty sure your cheeks were flushed. If Elvis noticed your state of slight shock, he didn’t comment on it and placed a colorful lei around your neck before he took your suitcase from you. ‘‘Where’s Tracy? I thought she was picking me up,’’ you questioned curiously as you watched him open the trunk of his car to put your luggage in it. Your sister failed to tell you that her boyfriend was picking you up and to any normal person, that would’ve been fine, but you just had to fall for a guy that was already taken. By your own sister, for crying out loud. You had no idea how long the drive from the airport to your sisters’ apartment would be, but you were pretty sure you wouldn’t survive even five minutes alone in a car with him.

He closed the trunk and leaned his hands on it, feigning a shocked facial expression. ‘‘I thought you liked spending time with your brother,’’ he grinned, making sure you knew he was playing with you but it still made heat crawl up your neck and face. You hated when he called himself your brother─you loved him so much more than that. If only he knew…

‘‘She had to run some errands to get everything ready for you,’’ he then said, smiling at you as he opened the door of the passengers’ seat, looking at you. You inhaled some air, though it did nothing to loosen up the tightness you felt in your chest. If the heat of the island wasn’t going to take you out, those stupid blue eyes of his were definitely were. ‘‘Alright,’’ you mumbled softly, flashing him a quick smile as you got in the car, making sure not to let the smell of his cologne make your mind go places it definitely shouldn’t be going.

‘‘How is your work going? Do you like Hawaii?’’ You asked as he drove away from the airport and onto the high way. You were nervous, but you were trying your best not to let it show and make him suspicious. You didn’t want him to think you accepted Tracy’s offer to come just for him, because even though that was one of the (main) reasons, you’d rather throw yourself out of the car than to have him know that. He looked at you for a second with a smile on his face before he turned back to the road, his arm casually leaning on the open window frame, fingertips tapping on the wheel. ‘‘Hawaii is amazing, can’t even imagine myself going back anymore,’’ he laughed softly, which made you smile softly as you looked at the view ahead of you. You could understand why he didn’t wanted to go back. You had only seen the airport and some of the scenery from the high way, but it already felt like a place that was soothing for the soul. Beautiful weather, beautiful people and gorgeous nature all around─you couldn’t wait to see more of it. ‘‘I’m sure you will love it just as much as we do,’’ he told you and while you just smiled and nodded, on the inside you were screaming. We. Elvis and Tracy─God, you could just bust your head through the window right there and then when the word rolled off of his tongue so casually. So naturally. You wanted to be part of that ‘we’, of that ‘us’. Y/N and Elvis. Elvis and Y/N. You wanted it so bad.

‘‘And work… is work,’’ he then said, snapping you out of your thoughts, which honestly you were grateful for. You had to get rid off those feelings you carried toward him, but he was making it so damn hard. Why did he have to look so good with that sunkissed skin, blue eyes and dark hair? Before you were going to start to curse God for creating Elvis Presley, you spoke up.

‘‘You’re a singer in one of Honolulu’s most famous clubs, there’s gotta be more to it!’’ You laughed softly, slapping his arm playfully. As he looked at you with a grin on his face and a hint of playfulness in his eyes, you immediately regretted what you had done. He grabbed onto your knee and squeezed it, all in good humor, but you felt as if electricity was shooting down your spine. ‘‘Someone did her homework,’’ he laughed, lingering his fingertips on your knee for longer than necessary. Bare knee, might you add, seeing you were wearing shorts. Oh, please Y/N.. control yourself.

‘‘I was playin’. It’s fun, it’s real fun and it pays well. I’m definitely taking you there one of these days,’’ he said as he pulled his hand back nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just made almost made you moan at the skin contact. You looked at his side profile, the thought of him taking you out to a club out of all places, got you making up all kinds of scenario’s in your mind. You cleared your throat a little, tugging some hair behind your ear as casually as you could. ‘‘Y-Yeah, that sounds fun. If Tracy hasn’t planned out all of my days here,’’ you said, half joking, half serious. With her being a tour guide, you were sure she had made an entire itinerary for you. You hoped not─wanting to just go with the flow with and without her, enjoying yourself rather than feeling like you had to follow a schedule. ‘‘She usually doesn’t come to the club because she has early shifts,’’ he told you, wiggling his eyebrows playfully at you before he looked back at the road and you chuckled softly, turning back to the gorgeous view to keep your thoughts about the gorgeous man next to you from going to very unholy places. ‘‘It’d be nice to have a familiar face cheering me on,’’ he said, shrugging his shoulders a little as he once again squeezed your knee. He kept his hand there longer than before, making your skin feel like it was set on fire underneath his palm. Once again, you just nodded and smiled.

When you finally stepped inside your sister and Elvis’, unfortunately, shared apartment you felt like you could breathe like a sane person again. Tracy ran out of the kitchen and into the living area Elvis took you in, engulfing you into a tight and warm embrace before you could even get out one word. ‘‘My baby! I can’t believe you’re here!’’ she exclaimed in excitement and you laughed, hugging her back just as tight.

‘‘You’re only three years older, shut up,’’ you rolled your eyes playfully as you pulled back from the embrace and she grabbed your face, squishing your face softly.

‘‘Ssssh, you’re still my little baby,’’ she shushed you, laughing when you swatted her hands away as she took you to the kitchen, handing you a drink. When she showed you the stocked up fridge and guest bedroom she cleaned spotless especially for you, you couldn’t help but feel guilt settle in your stomach. You mind wandered back to a year ago when you and Elvis kissed at that stupid party, not even ten minutes after Tracy left it, and part of you just wanted to blurt it out and come clean. You had always been close to your sister and you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you would become between her and her boyfriend.

A week in Hawaii went by and Tracy nor Elvis still hadn’t spend any time with you. You had dinner with both of them the day you arrived, but after that you were pretty much on your own─you didn’t mind that much, seeing you loved exploring on your own just as much. But whenever Tracy and Elvis were home at the same time, you felt some kind of weird tension between them. You weren’t an absolute idiot and could see when your sister was hiding something from you. As Sunday evening rolled around, your peaceful sunny vacation was interrupted by a hurricane. And it went by the name of Elvis.

‘‘Don’t fuckin’ lie to me, Trace! I literally saw you yesterday,’’ you heard Elvis yell from the living room and you froze in your spot, watching the sunset on the windowsill seat in the guest bedroom. ‘‘You always say you’re working, working, working,’’ he yelled again and you quickly tiptoed to the record player that was playing softly in the corner of the room, interrupting Aretha Franklin mid song. You walked over to the door and pressed your ear against it, holding your breath as you shamelessly eavesdropped on your sister and her boyfriend fighting.

‘‘I didn’t know sticking your tongue down the throat of some wolf of wall street jerk was on the list of a tour guide’s job descriptions,’’ he spat at her and you heard her gasp, followed by a scoff and even though you couldn’t see her, you were absolutely sure she was crossing her arms like a child right now, giving him angry stares. She kept her mouth shut though, and Elvis continued his little rant. ‘‘I forgave you the first time, because it was only a week after we came to Hawaii. A week, Tracy! But you’re just never gonna change, are ya?’’ he huffed out in desperation and you felt your stomach tightening at his words, feeling bad for him. Your sister was a free spirit, a soul that wasn’t meant to be bound down by one person─before Elvis, she dated someone new every month, sometimes every weekend, sometimes even multiple people at the same time. Apparently, things weren’t going so well as you had thought.

‘‘You just like the attention too much and you’ll do anything to get it, no matter who you fuckin’ hurt in the meanwhile,’’ he sighed deeply and still didn’t Tracy say a word. He took her silence for an answer though and just shook his head at her, striding down the hall way and toward the bedroom to pack a bag and get the hell out of here. As he passed by the guest bedroom, you ran over to the bed and jumped down onto it, grasping one of your magazines from the bedside table to pretend you were reading it.

There was a knock on the door not even ten minutes later and you tried to sound as casually as you could when you granted the person on the other side access. Your gut told you it was Elvis, but you were still slightly startled when he spoke up. ‘‘Hey, little one,’’ he sighed softly, walking over to the bed as you turned around and slowly sat up. You gave him a weak smile which he returned, sitting down on the edge of your bed. ‘‘Sorry that happened. Are you okay?’’ you asked in a whisper, feeling a little uneasy about the fact that he was in your room alone while Tracy was in the living room. He didn’t share the same uneasiness though, dropping the bag he had in his hand next to his feet as he ran his hands down his face. ‘‘I will be,’’ he mumbled, leaning his elbows on his knees as he kept his face cupped in his hands. ‘‘Guess I’ve just been.. blind. Last night wasn’t the first time I’ve caught her kissing some rich stuck up dude and now that I’m thinkin’ about it, I doubt that first week in Hawaii was the first time she did somethin’ like this,’’ he sighed deeply, shaking his head in his hands a little. You just sat there for a few seconds, but you couldn’t bare to see him like this. Mad at your sister and feeling bad for Elvis, you moved to sit next to him and wrapped your arm around his shoulder, ignoring how broad he was. ‘‘Why.. did you stay with her when you knew?’’ you asked carefully, trying not to step on anyone’s toes here. Rather than getting angry at you for being curious, after all he was the one who came into your room, he just shrugged and groaned deeply, letting himself fall back on your bed after you moved your arm to place a hand on his forearm.

‘‘I don’t know,’’ he looked up at the ceiling, his hands resting on his chest. ‘‘I’m… I was in love,’’

You swallowed thickly at his words, looking at the door that was wide open. You could hear Tracy moving around the living room and you quickly shot up from the bed as you heard the sound of her heels clicking down the hall way, giving her your most innocent smile as she appeared in the door opening. Rather than looking sad or distraught about the fight she had with her boyfriend, she looked angry. Angry that she got caught, you thought bitterly to yourself. She ignored Elvis’ presence and looked at you, smiling softly. ‘‘I’ll be staying at a friends’ house tonight, so he doesn’t have to leave. See you tomorrow, my baby,’’ she told you, blowing you a hand kiss before she turned around and grabbed her purse, leaving the apartment and making sure she slammed the door extra loud. You sighed deeply as you rubbed your temples a little─even though it seemed Tracy brought this upon herself, you didn’t like to see your sister in the state she was in. You were sure the fight between her and Elvis hurt her, at least a little bit, and she wasn’t really helping the situation by going out to spend the night with God knows who. Or maybe you just didn’t know your sister as well as you thought.

You also weren’t happy with the fact that she left you alone with Elvis, even though that little voice in your head was telling you to take your chance now, heart jumping for joy excitedly. You wanted to jump his bones more than anything, but the rational part of your brain stopped you, reminding you that that would even be more terrible than what Tracy had been doing behind her boyfriends’ back.

‘‘Maybe you two just need a night apart so you can talk things out. I’m sure everything will be fine tomorrow,’’ you told him, trying to sound hopeful, as you sat down on the edge of your bed. You hated saying those words. You didn’t want things to work out between them. And you were secretly hoping, no.. praying, that Tracy was on her way to one of her boy toys right now to fuck his brains out and forget all about Elvis. The blue eyed man on your bed let out a small laugh, shaking his head as he put his arms under his head. ‘‘Nah uh, I’m done talkin’. I’m not some random guy she can come home to after she’s done with her little.. sugar daddies,’’ he scrunched up his nose at his choice of words, sighing deeply. You stayed silent for a little bit, crawling up further on the bed so you were sitting next to his head now, looking down at him. ‘‘To be fair,’’ you started, pulling your legs up to wrap your arms around them. ‘‘You kinda cheated on her too,’’ you blurted out, not knowing where you got the courage from to make out such a bold statement. It was the truth, though. He kissed you while he was dating Tracy─the fact that he was drunk while doing so and they hadn’t been together for very long wasn’t an excuse. His eyes shot open, looking up at you as you looked down at him. A soft smile spread across his face as he noticed your eyes shifting down to his lips and you quickly looked away, which made him sit up immediately.

‘‘I told her about that night,’’ he said casually and you widened your eyes, your jaw almost dropping to the damn floor. ‘‘You WHAT?!’’ you exclaimed in shock and he bit his tongue to try not to laugh at the shocked face expression you were wearing. ‘‘It slipped out, alright? I just made up some lame excuse and told her I thought you were her and she believed it,’’ he said with a shrug of his shoulders and you gasped softly, getting up from the bed. Rushing your hands through your hair, you paced back and forth in front of him as he sat down on the edge of the bed. You shook your head, placing your hands on your hips as you came to a stop in front of him. ‘‘You can say whatever you want, but I don’t regret that kiss, Y/N. She was still messin’ around with other guys at that time and I’m a jealous motherfucker,’’ he smirked as he leaned his hands on the bed behind him and you tried not to look down at his thighs, manspreading so shamelessly and so confidently.

‘‘So, what? You only kissed me because you wanted revenge on my sister? Make her jealous?’’ You scoffed, crossing your arms tightly in front of your chest. Elvis couldn’t help but chuckle as he thought about how similar yet different you and Tracy were. ‘‘I mean, not that I care, because it didn’t mean anything anyways,’’ you quickly added, looking away from him.

He raised an eyebrow and sat up a little again, reaching his hands out to place them on your hips, pulling you closer to him. You had to bite your tongue to hold back a squeak, your body feeling like it was set aflame when you were standing in between his long legs, your knees hitting the bed. ‘‘Now I know that’s not true, little one,’’ he whispered, looking up at you with that damned smirk, hands slowly moving down the fabric of the loose sleeping shorts you were wearing. ‘‘I think you care more than you like to admit,’’ he hummed and as you felt his fingertips coming into contact with your bare skin, you found the strength in yourself to swat his hands away and take a step back, inhaling a deep breath of air. ‘‘You’re wrong, Elvis. We kissed because we were drunk and that’s it,’’

‘‘No,’’ he said, his voice dropping a few octaves as he was up and in front of you, looking down at you. No matter how many steps you took backwards, you couldn’t escape him─your hands flew to the edge of the dresser your back hit against and dug your nails into the wood nervously, ignoring how your heart beat was thumping in your ears. ‘‘We kissed because there was somethin’ there. I felt it and I know you did too,’’ he stated boldly and you clenched your jaw so hard you wouldn’t be surprised it would dislocate. All your senses were on high alert when his eyes were drawn to your lips, leaning in closer to you. You knew his words were true. There was something, a pull that always drew you closer to him and him to you. The day Tracy brought him back to the house for dinner with your parents you were already laughing and joking with him. At first, you thought it was just innocent, as did he. Until feelings started to grow, until that damned kiss. He knew that he wasn’t any better than Tracy in this moment, but now that he was so close to you that he could smell the scent of your shampoo and feel the warmth radiating off of your body, he couldn’t hold back anymore. A soft gasp left your mouth as he crashed his lips onto yours and he could feel you freeze for a second, until he slid his tongue across your lower lip. You were quick to grant him the access he wanted and deepened the kiss, your arms flying around his neck. He groaned softly as he wrapped his arms around your waist, hand pressed against your back to push you up against his chest.

Alarm bells were going off in your head, but the butterflies that had errupted aggressively in your stomach made you ignore them. You were getting lost in his kiss, touch, scent and could barely think straight as he moved his knee between your legs, lifting it up to press against you. Even though you were wearing your panties and shorts, your body immediately responded to him─getting so lost in his kiss, your hips started moving slowly, arousal growing as you grinded yourself on his knee. His hands moved to your hips, holding you down onto him firmly as he helped your movements along, groaning deeply in your mouth. You gasped softly and pulled from the kiss, eyes slowly fluttering open. As he looked at you with a soft grin tugging at his lips, blue eyes twinkling with a mixture of arousal and mischievous, you suddenly realised what you were doing, and with who, and quickly placed your hands against his shoulders, pushing him off of you. ‘‘I can’t… W-we can’t do this, E,’’ you breathed out in shock, rushing a hand through your hair as you pushed yourself to stand straight, not giving him a chance to speak as you ran out of the room. You slipped into your shoes by the door, grasping your denim jacket before you left the apartment in a hurry─you had absolutely no idea where you were going, but you needed some time alone. Time away from Elvis and his abilities to only make you fall for him harder than you should’ve in the first place.

Another week had passed and you hadn’t seen Elvis since that night. He was gone by the time you came back to the apartment and every time he’d come by to pick up his things, you’d hide out on the balcony with some of Tracy’s friends that seemed to be coming over to hang out more and more, or you were out and about, exploring Honolulu. You still had not told Tracy about what happened and you also hadn’t talked to her about the fact that she did know about you and Elvis kissing back at home. She also did not mention it and you couldn’t help but feel awkward whenever you were alone with her. As if you were walking on egg shells. Your sister either didn’t feel it herself or didn’t comment on it and continued as she always did─she didn’t seem as bothered by the break up as she should, filling up any voids with those ‘wolf of wall street jerks’ as Elvis had called them. Rich, preppy guys that came from New York to Hawaii for business, but were too busy with pleasure instead. Tracy seemed to have a thing for them, but you hated them. When Tracy arranged a date with one of them for you, you were livid at her but you knew she wouldn’t drop it until you’d say yes, so you eventually accepted just so you wouldn’t have to listen to her going on and on about how much of a great guy this one was.

The wall street guy, going by the name of David, took you to club Butter. The most current famous one on the whole island, thanks to a certain dark haired blue eyed man you were definitely not ready to face any time soon. None of your excuses worked on David and he barely listened to you, seeming adamant to get inside of the place. The whole time you were standing in line to get in you were praying to every God, and Goddess, that Elvis wouldn’t be working tonight. Maybe it was his night off and he was hanging out with his friends somewhere else, or maybe he had a cold and was sick in bed. As always, the universe didn’t listen to you and you didn’t even gave yourself a chance to look at the pretty and fancy interior of the place, your eyes glued to the man on the stage, drawing everyone’s attention to him. His hair was perfectly slicked back, the all black suit he was wearing looking so goddamn gorgeous with that flawless sunkissed skin. You didn’t even stop your date as he slipped his hand into yours and guided you through a small crowd of dancing people, finding you two a table. While he spotted one and tugged you along, all you could do was stare at Elvis and let your knees grow weaker by the second. Tracy was nowhere on your mind and David sure as hell wasn’t either─until the blonde man snapped you out of it by pulling your chair out and releasing your hand. You looked at him with a confused look on your face, reality slowly creeping its way back in.

‘‘He’s pretty good, isn’t he?’’ He yelled over the music as you both were seated, pointing a casual thumb Elvis’ way on the stage. You flashed him a quick smile and nodded, thanking the Heavens when a waitress swung by your table to take your order. You ordered the strongest cocktail on the menu and tried to engage in conversation with the man in front of you, but the fact that the man you actually loved was catching the attention of all those beautiful girls on the dance floor and David only talked about numbers and money didn’t help to make this evening at least somewhat eventful at all. You were bored out of your mind, so you decided to seek comfort in your trusty new friend for the evening─your fourth martini. The slight buzz helped you to forget David’s stories as soon as he finished telling them and even though the man could see you weren’t having a good time, he wasn’t going to give up. His big ego wouldn’t allow himself to have a failed date. He grabbed your hand from across the table and you looked at him, squinting your eyes as he rubbed the back of your hand sweetly. He was talking to you─you could see his mouth moving, but your tipsy mind couldn’t make out the words he was actually saying. You bursted out in laughter, thinking it was the most hilarious thing ever and when the waitress came by again, you immediately ordered another round, not caring about David’s protest. Elvis’ performance was done and when you noticed him hopping off of the stage and making his way to the bar, you looked at David and grabbed your clutch from the table, pointing a finger at him. He reached his hands out to you as you stumbled slightly when you stepped away from the seat, giggling at your own antics. ‘‘I’ll have my drink at the bar, pretty lady!’’ you told the waitress who was still standing by your table and she just laughed as you hooked your arm through hers, letting her guide you to the bar, leaving a flabbergasted David behind.

The waitress left you behind at the bar for one of the bartenders to deal with you and you smiled sweetly at the man as he placed the martini you wanted in front of you. You rumbled through your clutch for a little bit, though before you could pay for your drink, you heard the bartender thanking the person who took his place next to you. You frowned sassily as you looked up and at the person, letting out a scoff, even adding an eye roll for show. ‘‘I can pay for my own drinks, thank you very much,’’ you told the delicious piece of a human being that just paid for your drink. Elvis chuckled softly, taking a sip of his own drink as he leaned against the bar with his body turned into your direction.

‘‘Didn’t look like it,’’ he said teasingly, watching you shove your dollar bills back into your clutch messily. You blew a strand of hair out of your face and stole a cigarette out one of the small wooden boxes that stood on the bar for the people to take, lighting it with a match.

‘‘Don’t you have to do your little dance up there to make aaall the girls swoon over you?’’ You commented sassily, throwing a sarcastic smile his way before you took a drag from the cigarette, leaving a lipstick print behind on the bud. You were still extremely in love with him, but the amount of alcohol in your system made you mouthy─vodka had never been your best friend.

‘‘If I saw right, you were enjoying it too, little one,’’ he hummed in your ear when he took a step closer to you, slipping his arm around your waist. You had to do your best not to leap into a coughing fit, quickly blowing out the smoke from between your lips. ‘‘What are you doin’ here with that greasy piggy bank?’’

You ignored the way his fingertips were caressing your side through your dress and how deliciously his thumb was pressing at the side of your boob. You looked at him, letting out a small scoff as you raised an eyebrow. ‘‘Jealous, are we?’’

‘‘I told ya I was,’’ he grinned, raising both his eyebrows once tauntingly and you looked over at David, whose eyes were glued on you and Elvis. You quickly turned back to the man next to you and raised your hand, slapping his upper arm harshly. ‘‘You could’ve called me, you know?!’’ You suddenly exclaimed, annoyance lacing your tongue, as you pushed him off of you. ‘‘Or even come to see me… somewhere. Am I so easy to toy with?’’

Elvis put his drink down and moved back closer to you, pulling you flush against his chest as he had turned you to face him properly. You gasped softly, your cigarette nearly dropping from between your fingertips. ‘‘You’re the one who keeps runnin’, beautiful,’’ he said with a small grin on his lips, staring you down. You didn’t look away, thanks to the liquid courage crawling through your veins, and placed your empty hand against his chest though didn’t push him away. ‘‘What’re ya gonna do when I kiss ya again?’’ he whispered, though it was loud enough for you to hear him. Your ears were ringing and your heart was beating so hard you were sure the bartender could hear it from where you were standing. Your eyes traveled down to his lips and when his tongue swiped across his lower lip, you threw all caution to the wind and kissed him as if no one was watching. He took your cigarette out of your hand and placed it in one of the ash trays, wrapping his arms around you. You had no idea what would happen if Tracy ever found out, but right now that was the last thing on your mind.

The vodka on your tongue was almost intoxicating to Elvis and he couldn’t stop himself from deepening the kiss, sucking on your lower lip as his hands moved down to your ass, squeezing the flesh through the fabric of your dress shamelessly. The music playing at the club and the sound of people chatting faded far away to the background as your mind filled with only Elvis, his presence and his taste. He was just as far gone as you, trapping you in between him and the bar, not giving a damn about how obscene you two were being in public. A loud cough seemed to snap both of you back to reality and when Elvis pulled away from your lips, you turned your head to your left and squinted your eyes a little at David, the intoxication of Elvis and the martini’s still heavy on your mind. ‘‘Sorry, my guy. She’s just not that into you,’’ Elvis told the blonde male who was looking at both of you with angry eyes, growing even more annoyed when Elvis shrugged casually at his own statement. You hid your mouth behind your fingertips as you tried to hold back a laugh and David just shook his head a little, throwing some money on the bar to pay for the drinks before he turned around and left the club. In the moment it didn’t even occur to you that he’d definitely be reporting the events of the evening back to Tracy.

‘‘Let’s get out of here,’’ you said, not caring how you were slurring your words a little. Elvis moved off of you a little bit to give you more space to move around as you took your drink and took a big gulp from it, handing him the glass with the last sip. He downed it in one go and put the glass back on the bar, slipping his hand into yours. As the bartender noticed you two leaving, he jogged over to the end of the bar, yelling at Elvis how he still had another set to perform but Elvis just ignored him and pulled you through the crowd, out of the club. You tried to keep up with him as he was running down the street, tugging you along with him as he laughed happily. His laugh was contagious and you loved the sound of it more than anything in the world─wanted to hear it every second of the damn day.

‘‘Where are we going?’’ You laughed as he was still running and he knew exactly where to go. Even if he didn’t, you wouldn’t be worried. You felt more than comfortable around him and you knew that he’d never let anything bad happen to you. Your eyes fell down to where your bodies were connected by your intertwined fingers, your heart swelling as he looked over his shoulder with a bright smile on his face. Right here, in this exact moment, you felt the happiest you had ever been in your twenty years of life.

‘‘My place,’’ he grinned as he stopped running, coming to a halt in front of an apartment complex right across Waikiki beach. ‘‘Well, it’s my friends’ place. I’m stayin’ with him for the time being,’’ he said, giving you a knowing look and you giggled softly, biting your lip as you followed him inside of the building. He was all over you in the elevator and you were more than happy to allow it, but as the doors opened and he pulled you outside, fumbling with his key at the front door a little bit, you clung onto his arm. ‘‘Is your friend home?’’

‘‘Nah, baby, he works as a bartender. Won’t be home until the morning,’’ he grinned at you, finally managing to get the key in and twist it, opening the door. The slight nerves you felt melted away again and you pushed him against the nearest wall, throwing the door closed behind you. You captured his lips in a sloppy kiss as your hands moved to the jacket of the suit he was wearing, opening the buttons with quick fingers before you pushed the fabric off of his shoulders. Pulling back from the kiss, you looked at him as he shrugged the jacket off, admiring how freaking good he looked in the black button up he wore underneath that jacket. ‘‘Like what you see?’’ he grinned cockily and while you hated cocky guys, guys like freaking David, you could feel your panties dampen with your arousal. God, this man was making you sin and you liked it.

‘‘Very much,’’ you whispered as you hooked your fingers behind the fabric of his shirt where he had left the bottons open of it, ripping the shirt open completely. He gasped as he looked at you with wide surprised eyes as his buttons went flying through the entrance of the apartment but you didn’t give him the chance to make a comment on it as you ran your hands down his warm chest, nails scraping softly against his nipples. He bit his lower lip and wrapped his large hands underneath your thighs─you took the hint and jumped up, hooking your legs around his waist as he caught you with ease. You grabbed his face and kissed him hungrily. The both of you were too intoxicated with each other to even care about him stumbling into some things before he reached the guest bedroom where he was staying. Your kiss got interrupted as he threw you on the bed and you looked at him, lifting your torso up a little by leaning your elbows on the bed, biting your lip as he took his ripped shirt off, letting the fabric fall to the floor. He kicked off his shoes as he quickly pulled off your pumps and leaned forward, his hands sliding up your thighs and underneath your dress as you were already kissing him again─open mouthed, sloppy kisses that didn’t take long for you to trail down his jawline and neck. You could taste his cologne on your tongue and moaned softly against his skin, hands running up through his hair, messing up the wax that he had styled it so perfectly with. He moaned softly as you sucked on his skin while his fingers hooked underneath your panties, sliding them down without hesitation. You pouted in your tipsy state as he pulled back and he laughed softly, pushing your dress up to your waist. If this would’ve happened in your sober state, you would’ve been a lot more shy, but you had been waiting for this moment for so long. You had been craving him for so long, you just didn’t give a damn anymore. You spread your legs willingly, exposing yourself to him and he slicked back some of his hair with the palm of his hand, hungry eyes admiring your arousal that was glistening in the dim moon light that shone through the room. The view from the bedroom was gorgeous, but right now you were only interested in the view in front of you.

He got on his knees in front of the bed, pulling you closer to him by wrapping his arms around your thighs, keeping your legs spread open. He licked his lips as he shot you a quick wink, sending butterflies throughout your entire body and making your heart leap pathetically in your chest, before he leaned down. The kisses he planted on your inner thighs, moving closer to where you needed him most, felt as if someone was keeping a lit match against your delicate skin. You didn’t even try for one second to hold back as he placed a soft, tiny kiss right on your clit, letting out a needy whimper. You ran your hands through your hair to get some strands out of your face, not caring at all that you were messing up the updo you had perfected a few hours ago and when Elvis ran his tongue up between your wet folds, flicking at your clit once, you moaned lewdly. He licked his lips as he lifted his head a little, grinning at you. ‘‘Oh baby, you taste divine,’’ he said teasingly, kissing your thigh once more before he leaned down in between your legs once more. You were expecting him to tease you until the point of you losing your mind, but he had been waiting just as long for this as you had.

He went in with confidence as he ate you out like a starved man─pretty much making out with your pussy as if he hadn’t had human contact for years. You were trying to move your hips to his rhythm, arching your back off of the bed but he trapped you by pushing you down with his hand on your lower abdomen, lips wrapping around your clit to suck on it as he looked up at you. He released your left thigh and slipped in two of his digits, making you look down at him and moan desperately as your eyes met his. He grinned tauntingly as he stuck out his tongue, flicking it against your clit at an unholy speed as his fingers didn’t go easy on you either, pumping inside of you. One of your hands flew to his hair, tangling your fingers in the locks through the wax that you’d normally be disgusted at to touch, your other hand squeezing the sheets desperately in your palm. Your moans were starting to become soundless, coming out in nothing other than a high pitched gasp or whine. The martini’s you had in the span of an hour or so were making your head spin, along with the orgasm that was fastly approaching. He could tell you were close with how your walls were clenching around his fingers repeatedly, your hips desperately wanting to move away but he still had you trapped, unable for you to escape the sense of euphoria that was so close. So close you could taste it, but before it came, he pulled away from you completely. You gasped as you looked at him with wide eyes, wanting to protest until you saw him stand up and pull down his pants and boxershorts.

‘‘Impatient, little one?’’ he grinned and you couldn’t help but shamelessly sneak a peek at his cock hitting his lower abdomen when it was freed out of the confinements of his clothing, tip red and sensitive, glistening with precum. You bit your lip as you looked at him. ‘‘Stop calling me that,’’ you said, a challenging tone on your tongue and he raised an eyebrow, following you on the bed as you pulled yourself further on it. ‘‘What should I call you then, hmm?’’ he questioned back just as challenging, grinning teasingly at you as he pulled your dress over your head, throwing it to the other side of the bed. He leaned in closer to kiss your lips softly, creeping one hand behind your back─you arched a little, making it easier for him to unclasp your bra and remove it from your body as he pulled back from your lips. ‘‘Anything but that,’’ you rolled your eyes, a soft blush creeping on your cheeks despite the confidence you were feeling tonight. He slipped his hand in between your bodies, aligning himself at your entrance, a soft gasp leaving your lips. ‘‘What would you like to be called, Y/N?’’ he hummed, pushing the tip in, keeping still inside of you. Even though it was hard for him as well, because all he wanted to do was fill you up and fuck you into the mattress, he liked teasing you. He liked seeing that cute little pout on your lips and your hazy eyes looking at him pleadingly.

You tried to push him in deeper by wrapping your legs around his waist, pushing your ankles against his lower back but he just clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, raising a teasing eyebrow at you. ‘‘Use your words, little one,’’

The pet name he used to call you was cute, but you didn’t wanted him to see you like that anymore. You doubted he ever had though, but you hated it whenever it slipped past his lips now. You huffed as you snaked your arms around his neck, fingers playing with the hair on the nape of his neck. ‘‘Call me baby,’’ you whispered, trying to thrust your hips forward so you could surprise him, but it’s like he could predict every single one of your movements. He didn’t budge for one second, instead pulling out again, slipping the tip of his cock through your folds, circling against your clit. You moaned softly and looked up into his eyes, silently begging him to just fuck you already. ‘‘Call me yours,’’

This seemed to send him over the edge and he lowered his cock to your entrance, pushing himself all the way in. You gasped and cursed softly at the, very much so delicious, intrusion. Your hands moved down to his shoulders, holding onto him firmly as he gave you a few seconds to get used to him before he started thrusting into you, making you moan out in pleasure. He leaned his head down, kissing your neck sweetly. ‘‘You’re mine, baby,’’ he grunted in your ear, hips picking up their pace more and more. You had your ankles hooked behind his back now, clinging onto him desperately as he was kissing your neck and whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Maybe they were empty promises, you had no idea, but right now you were on cloud nine. Finally in the arms of the man you had loved so dearly in silence for so long.

‘‘You’re all mine,’’ he whispered, pulling his head back to look down at you. Leaning his elbow next to your head, he moved his hands through your hair as far as the position would allow him, admiring your beauty as he moaned softly, thrusting into you with determination. ‘‘God,’’ he breathed out, pecking your lips a few times. ‘‘You got no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this, baby,’’ he moaned against your lips and you moaned right back at him, his words making you cling onto him even harder. Wanting him deeper, wanting him closer. The love you felt for this man was completely consuming you and you had no intentions to fight off those feelings anymore. To hell with everyone, you needed him and only him.

Once more you could feel that feeling of bliss approaching and this time he wasn’t going to pull back and torture you─he looked down into your eyes intensely as his eyebrows knitted together in concetration, hips skilfully thrusting as he moaned at the feeling of you clenching around him desperately, keeping him trapped inside of you.

‘‘Oh, f-f-uck,’’ he cursed with a grunt, teeth sinking into his lower lip for a second. ‘‘I’m g-gonna cum if you keep doing that,’’ he warned and you just grinned, being drunk on him, letting your own orgasm rip through you. He moaned as you were sucking him in even harder during your orgasm and thrusted harder for a few more times, before he quickly pulled out of you and hovered above you as he came onto your stomach. You reached down to wrap your hand around him, squeezing out every last drop. His eyes were rolling into the back of his head, head hanging low as his hips stuttered pathetically, moans rolling off of his tongue. You gasped softly at the sight, breathing heavily as he fell down on the bed next to you. The both of you laid silently for a few minutes, staring up at the ceiling to catch your breath.

‘‘Tracy is gonna kill me,’’ you whispered, placing a hand on your forehead. You cringed at the thought of Tracy finding out about what happened between you and Elvis─you had no idea if you were even going to tell her, but you kind of felt like you had to. Besides, they broke up, right? He was a single man and she seemed to be having her own fun with the men on this island. She’ll get over it.

Elvis turned his head into your direction and you did the same, meeting his eyes.

‘‘What if you stay here?’’ he asked softly, moving a little closer to you to plant a soft kiss on your shoulder. ‘‘Yeah, I can stay here tonight,’’

‘‘No, not tonight,’’ he said, and you frowned at him curiously. ‘‘I mean, yeah ofcourse you’re stayin’ tonight, but I’m talking about here. Hawaii. With me,’’

The thought of you staying behind in Hawaii sounded exciting. Way more than exciting. Not even thinking about the fact that your sister would be on the same island, and you had college to go back to, you were sold on the idea as soon as he suggested it. ‘‘I guess I can take a gap year?’’ you hummed softly, turning your head back to look up at the white boring ceiling. Your parents were most definitely going to kill you, or get a heart attack upon hearing the news, but there was nothing else in the whole wide world you wanted more. Except for maybe the dark haired man that was hovering above you now, smiling brightly as he attacked your face with kisses. He didn’t even have to convince you further to take this leap of faith─tonight he made you his and you never ever wanted to hand that position to anyone else. You were more than ready for whatever Hawaii would throw at you, as long as you had Elvis by your side.

#elvis presley smut #elvis presley angst #elvis presley x reader #austin!elvis smut #austin!elvis angst #austin!elvis x reader #elvis presley imagine #austin!elvis imagine #elvis presley fandom #elvis 2022 #elvis presley #austin butler #elvis presley fanfiction #tamwrites

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kissthesungvf · 2 years ago

Text

tis the damn season

part one

j.m.k. x f!reader

warnings: (18+) minors dni! | profanity | mentions of sex | slight angst

word count: 2.2k

This is a little something I wrote based of Taylor Swift’s song tis the damn season. I hope you all enjoy it, here’s part one!

____________________________________________

It started out like any other time you had flown home for the holidays. A crowded airport, long check in line, an even longer security line, but that same excitement lingering within, knowing in just a few hours you would be back home with friends and family.

Finally getting through security, you slipped your shoes back on, gathered your coat and your carryon duffle bag. You glance down at your phone, checking how much time you have till boarding and are pleased to find you have a little over an hour.

You decide to use the free time to stop by Starbucks, falling in line behind just a few people. You mindlessly scroll through your phone as you wait, seeing which of your friends are already back home, wondering what you'll get yourself into this year.

After ordering your usual go to, you move towards the opposite end of the counter, returning your focus back to your phone, until you hear it.

It's a voice you could recognize anywhere. It's loud, eccentric..heavily accented.

You contemplate looking up to confirm that it's who you think it is, but instead shuffle a bit further away from the counter as you now impatiently wait for your order.

You hear him finish giving his order to the barista, a simple hot chai latte. Some things never change. Soon after, he walks your direction, unaware of your presence, that is until another barista yells out your name.

You squeeze your eyes shut, letting out a small huff as you walk up to the counter, thanking the young woman quietly.

"Well I'll be dammed." He says aloud, your cover blown.

You look up, your eyes meeting his hazel ones. He looks the same, yet he doesn't. His hair's grown out, and he's grown some facial hair..yet that million dollar smile remained the same.

"Don't you have a private jet to catch or something?" You snip, earning an even wider grin from him.

"Funny," he begins, you want to walk away from him before he gets another word out, but find it easier said then done. "I like to stay humble, fly business class, maybe even economy sometimes.." he jokes, but it doesn't land with you. His smile fades, a look of disappointment taking place on his face.

"Well this was nice, but I've got a flight to catch." You say, prying yourself from this situation.

"(Y/n), wait." He pleads quietly, catching your wrist as you try to walk past, "I thought this was behind us.."

"It is, Josh. I simply just have to get going." You play it off with a fake smile. "Seriously."

He says nothing as he releases his hold on your wrist, surely seeing through your bluff.

"See you around." You say, turning your head back over your shoulder as you walk away.

"Yea, see you around.." he replies defeated, watching you go.

Last time you had been the one to watch him go. There was an ache put in you put there by him, not quite a fall out, but things definitely didn't work out the way you thought they would.

The summer after you and Josh graduated high school is when it first began. They were still pretty new to the music scene, just breaking through, but in between gigs they could get, he had you anyway he could get you.

It started off as one time hookup after his graduation party, then soon turned into secret meetings. Some nights he'd pull up to your house, headlights off, calling you to come down, the two of you driving out to the same secluded spot, just on the outskirts of town. Nights spent in the backseat of his car, with heated kisses, roaming hands, and foggy windows.

You didn't mind whether it was a secret or not, however with an up and coming band, he thought it best it remained just between the two of you. At the time, it hurt, but not as much as it did looking back on it, thinking of what could've been.

And like they say, all good things must come to an end. It was a hot summer night when it did. The two of you sat in his car, you had only a few days left until you were headed off to college and he was headed off to god knows where. You tried to tell him you could make it work, you could be flexible with his schedule, you'd do anything just to have him. He didn't want to hear it, he didn't believe it could work.

After that night, it was like nothing had ever happened between you two. Complete radio silence from both ends.

You left for college, moved across the country, trying to start over, trying to start fresh. The first few months you struggled as you watched their band blow up. Having to switch the radio station the second you heard one of their songs come on. They even came to play a few shows in your new town, your friends always inviting to come and you declining, lying and saying that "it wasn't really your taste in music".

Then a year and a half later, you received a message from him in the middle of the night, and you swore you felt your heart flip. In it he wrote how sorry he was, and how he messed up, and most importantly how he was just afraid he would lose completely due to his busy schedule— a not so typical apology you hadn't expected to receive.

For the first few days, you didn't respond. You wanted to forgive him, hand yourself over to him again, but you knew better. You felt like you didn't even know him anymore, so going off feelings would just be poor judgement.

So, four days later you sent back a short and effective message telling him you forgave him, and wished him well, and that was only half a lie. You found it hard to forgive him, when after all that time he was still the only one you thought about late at night, knowing he was something you once had, and was now unobtainable. The impression he left haunted you.

You gripped the coffee cup tightly in your hands recalling it all, trying to keep your cool as you tried to navigate your way to the correct gate.

Once there, you sat down in the waiting area with a frustrated sigh. Up until now, you had been fine. He had been a memory tucked away in the back of your mind for the past 6 and half years- that was until today, until you saw him again.

"Flight 2140 to Saginaw, Michigan will be begin boarding in 5 minutes" the older women at the desk calls out over the intercom, drawing you from your thoughts.

You take your ticket out from the pocket of your bag, and stand up placing yourself in line based off your boarding class.

After a few more minutes, the door to the jetway opened and the line began to move.

"Oh, sorry, I think I'm right in here..between you two.." his voice mumbles from behind you as he reached around to grab his ticket from his backpack, accidentally swinging it around too quickly and hitting your back.

You let out a deep breath, knowing you should've seen this coming, after all, the both of you were headed to the same place.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry.." he says, stopping himself once he realizes it was you he had accidentally bumped with his backpack.

"Well hello again." He smiles, following behind you as the line moved forward.

"Hi, Josh." You spoke, not looking back at him but continuing to walk forward.

He let out a small chuckle, as you the woman scanned your boarding pass. You took the opportunity to speed up your pace while she scanned his, but he quickly caught up with a light jog.

"What seat number are you?" He calls out, trying to match your pace.

"14B" you respond nonchalantly, glancing down at your ticket.

"Funny," he continues to smile looking down at his seat assignment, "I'm 14A"

"Well then I'll politely ask whoever sits in the aisle seat, to switch with me." You say, slightly annoyed finally making it into the plane.

"Don't think that's an option." He laughs, your eyes widening realizing the small size of the plane, each side of it only having two chairs per row.

You continued to walk down the aisle, stopping a little past your aisle, gesturing for him to get in first since it was his assigned seat.

"You sure you don't want the window seat?" He double checks, tossing his bag into the overhead compartment, holding out his hands as an offer to put your bag up as well.

"No I think I'll be alright." You shake your head, handing him your bag and coat.

"Suit it yourself." He smiles, scooting over into his seat, you taking your seat after he's settled.

It's subtle, but the scent of his cologne lingers sending your mind into a frenzy. You two sit in silence as the rest of the passengers board, the silence weighing on you both.

"You okay?" He asks as the flight attendants began their safety spiel, watching you readjust in your seat, smoothing out your skirt over your crossed legs.

You give him a small nod, crossing your arms over your chest, slightly digging your nails into the sleeves of your sweater. There's a war in your mind as you look at him, taking in that same sunny aura of his. You've missed him.

"Probably should've worn something a bit warmer.." he suggests, eyeing your exposed thighs, only covered by the sheer material of the tights you wore under your skirt.

"Sorry didn't realize you were my mother." You bite back with an half assed smile, leaning your head back against the head rest.

"I'm just saying..you're going to get cold" he finishes, taking his bottom lip between his lips, his eyes lingering over your thighs for a moment, before meeting yours.

You swallow hard, turning your head forward and closing your eyes, still feeling his on you.

"So, how have you been? How's life? How's that boyfriend yours?" He asks, adjusting himself so he can face you better.

You look at him, surprised that he cared enough to keep up with what was going on with you, you were mutuals on most socials, but he hardly ever liked your posts.

"What's it to you?" You raise your eyebrow, and he shakes his head with a grin.

"Well, seeing as we have to spend the next two and a halfish hours together, thought I'd ask? Unless you want to keep it up with the awkward silence.." he shrugs his shoulders.

"Well, if you really must know," you begin, sliding your hands down your arms in defeat "he and I are no longer together."

"Shit..sorry" he mumbles, the smile dropping from his face.

"No it's fine, he was a dick anyways.." you admit unfazed, "kinda glad it ended.."

"His loss.." Josh says under his breath and you both feel the plane jolt forward as it begins to take off.

You think to bite back with a snide remark, but seeing as you had quite some time left being stuck with him, you figured it'd be best not to.

"And you, how's touring the world going? Do your fans know that their favorite rockstar is stuck riding economy?" You change the subject quickly, his smile returning.

"Probably," he laughs,"we just finished a small series of shows, now we're taking a bit of a break for the holidays."

"I really liked your new album" you blurt out, toying with the frayed thread at the end of your sleeve.

"Yea? What was your favorite song?" He asks, leaning a bit closer.

"Um, what is it, tears of rain?"

"Yea?" He's intrigued, glad you took the time to listen to album, hoping you thought about him as you did.

"Yea," you say quietly, "you sounded really good, crazy how much your guy's sound has changed.."

"Well you've definitely been there for the good, the bad, and the ugly.." he admits, the corners of his mouth turning up into a small smile.

"Only because you forced me to sit in that garage and listen to you guys play ..like everyday.." you playfully snap back.

"That may be true, but I definitely always made it up to you.." he says, his voice low, eyes trailing over your body once again.

You swallow hard yet again, finding it difficult to break your shared gaze. You know you shouldn't buy into this little game of his. You know where it leads- and that's exactly where you wanted to be in all truthfulness.

You could continue to be mad at him for the past, continuing to bottle up the feelings you knew you had (and would always have) for him, but where was the fun in that?

You take your bottom lip between your teeth, leaning a bit closer, your lips inches away from his ear, "Hardly."

You quickly retract, a smug smirk spread across your face as you lean your head back closing your eyes, and crossing your arms over your chest again.

You hear him let out low laugh, feeling weight on the seat next to shift. The warmth of his body radiating as he brought his lips up to your ear,

"Let me redeem myself then."

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