#if i make myself do mock ups first i'm literally going to keep putting it off forever

[captorcorp]

also magolor cosplay is officially started >:3c

[tgcg]

bad mouther, hole master

TG: kissing with tongue is gross as hell

CG: COME THE FUCK OFF IT.

TG: what

CG: I'M SAYING SHUT UP.

TG: oh

CG: IT'S NOT THAT WEIRD. IT'S LIKE THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF REGULAR KISSING TO EVENTUALLY INCLUDE THAT. IF YOU HAD ANY SEMBLANCE OF ROMANCE GHOSTING THROUGH THE DEVOLVING REMNANTS OF YOUR THINKPAN YOU'D APPRECIATE WHAT IT BRINGS TO THE NUTRITION PLATFORM OF ANY CONSENTING CONCUPISCENT RELATIONSHIP!

TG: youre talking about it like its a goddamn military weapon or some shit

TG: some kinda scientific fuckin method to fondle a dudes mouth with your own mouth thats

TG: thats gross

TG: this isnt supposed to be a debate before fuckin congress on the pros and cons of getting your mack on

TG: its i would say a reasonably personal thing to react about and thats just my reaction man you dont gotta arbitrate it

TG: and like why the hell do they have to linger on it so long in these movies do they really want me to immerse myself in people necking each other that much

TG: roll the sounds around in my earholes like im swilling a fine fuckin wine

TG: well my professional opinion is that shit tastes and sounds mad gross and tbh i havent seen a single movie where it was close to being any kind of necessary

TG: its just a cringy waste of everyones time

CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, AND I DISAGREE WITH EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR IGNORANCE GASH, YOU LUMP OF TIGHT-LIPPED CLUELESSNESS.

TG: did you just homestar me

CG: FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT, SINCE YOU'RE APPARENTLY DESPERATE TO START SHIT WITH ME RIGHT NOW: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN DONE IT?

TG: hell no

CG: THANK YOU FOR PROVING MY POINT.

TG: proving your point--

TG: bro have uh

TG: have YOU???

CG: EXCUSE ME? HAVE I WHAT?

TG: come on

TG: i walked into this stupid conversation with a fucking shovel and by god am i digging myself a damn hole big and wide enough for every dave across time to squeeze in so i might as well get cosy in this shit before we all start collectively shoving dirt in our mouths

TG: bet your ass im taking you down with me though

TG: grab your spade and get digging man

CG: GRAB MY WHAT????????

TG: just tell me

CG: ???????!!!!!!!!

TG: karkat

CG: NO!

TG: f-

CG: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!!! WHAT PART OF "SHUT UP" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????

TG: wait no

TG: oh my god dude

TG: you can spin that shit all you want but you can do it the hell away from me

TG: i do not need to be hip to your weirdo foursquare fantasies

TG: patently not my business

CG: STOP RIGHT THERE. JUST SHUT IT. I AM PUTTING US OUT OF OUR MISERY RIGHT NOW. I AM CONDUCTING AN ACT OF MERCY ON THIS INSANE FUCKING CONVERSATION AND YOU ARE GOING TO ZIP YOUR LIPS AND TAKE IT.

CG: HERE IT IS: YOUR SINGLE OPPORTUNITY TO PRETEND YOU NEVER SAID THAT TO ME. I AM GOING TO FORGET YOU MADE A COMPLETE MOCKERY OF ME AND MY CULTURE THIS ONE TIME. AND LET YOU CONTINUE TO DIG YOUR STUPID, SHITTY HOLE.

CG: AND DAVE, I AM BEGGING YOU NOT TO WASTE IT.

CG: TO ANSWER YOUR SHOCKINGLY INAPPROPRIATE QUESTION, NO I HAVE NOT DONE IT.

CG: WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK.

CG: HAPPY?

TG: ……..

TG: way to defuse the situation solid work

TG: real gold star effort grabbin that lit wick and blowing on it

TG: ok first of all you asked me first so dont act like im the one being a weirdo about this

TG: second of all i didnt mean it like that and you know it

TG: THIRD of all what the hell was the point of engaging the knightly theatrics then if you cant even verify that shit

CG: WELL FUCK, SORRY DAVE! I GUESS I'M JUST A FUCKING ROMANCE ENTHUSIAST! I GUESS I GIVE A MAJOR SHIT ABOUT THE THING YOU'RE OPENLY MOCKING TO MY FACE! IS THAT SO IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO WRAP YOUR THOUGHT SPONGE AROUND?

CG: AND IT WAS COMPLETELY REASONABLE FOR ME TO ASK YOU THAT, YOU CONGEALED FETID NOOKSTAIN! MY STATUS ON THE MATTER HAS LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE POINT EITHER OF US IS TRYING TO MAKE.

CG: TRY TO KEEP YOUR NUGBONE FROM CAVING IN ON ITSELF WHEN I DROP THIS BOMBSHELL: I'M ALLOWED TO HAVE OPINIONS ON THINGS I ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT, EVEN IF I HAVEN'T DONE THEM! I DON'T JUST GO TROUNCING THE FUCK ABOUT LOBBING MY UNFOUNDED OPINIONS AT PEOPLE LIKE I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. UNLIKE SOMEONE WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN THIS CONVERSATION WE'RE HAVING RIGHT NOW!

TG: youre

CG: I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU BY THE WAY. THE SOMEONE IS YOU.

TG: oh gimme a break

TG: bro youre going apeshit over something you havent even done

TG: you know what that sounds like to me it sounds like an overcompensating fake fan who doesnt get any

TG: you heard of troll napoleon complex

CG: AT LEAST I ACTUALLY FORMED MY OPINION BASED ON CAREFUL CONSIDERATION --

TG: -- oh yeah i bet huh

CG: -- INSTEAD OF JUST BANKING ON NUBJERK --

TG: -- not a real thing you just said

CG: -- REACTIONS AND WRINKLING MY SNIFF NUB AT ANY SIGNS OF GENUINE PHYSICAL INTIMACY!

TG: stop saying nub

CG: YOU EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BULGEWAD

TG: not too much worse than being a perpetual fountain of emotional diarrhea

CG: DON'T YOU DARE.

CG: DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO USE THAT AS A "GOTCHA", YOU--… YOU! FUCK!

TG: dude did you actually run out of insults

TG: okay this is getting concerning

TG: youre the international dude of verbal dunks

TG: that can not be happening

CG: AAGHRJRGHJRGRHJAGHRJGRHJAGRHJRGRHJRGRHRJR

TG: you cant run out of em youre like the ultimate peddler of hate

CG: YOU DON'T THINK I'M CRITICALLY AWARE OF THE HOOFBEASTSHIT I'M SPEWING NIGH FUCKING CONSTANTLY?! I AM PAINFULLY COGNIZANT OF HOW MORONIC EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS!!!!

TG: feel like ive done some damage here

CG: ESPECIALLY MYSELF!

TG: alright bud time to calm down

CG: YOU CALM DOWN!!!!

TG: okay whatever!

CG: WHATEVER!!!!!!!!

TG: jeez

…

TG: here

…

CG: UGH.

TG: yeah

TG: really glad stuff like this happens in private

CG: YEAH. SAME HERE.

CG: JEGUS, CAN WE GO BACK TO BEFORE WE HAD THIS CONVERSATION? I DON'T ASK YOU MANY FAVORS, SO SURELY YOUR SLURRY OF ILL-DEFINED TIME POWERS CAN ALLOW YOU TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

CG: JUST LIKE, WIPE THAT WHOLE THING OFF THE SLATE.

CG: LET'S START OVER. SAY, FIVE MINUTES AGO. HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

TG: what conversation?

CG: OKAY, GOTCHA.

[artsybi]

y'know despite the murder, i am jealous of the criminal minds universe, in which young cane users are not questioned, stared at, invalidated, or even overly acknowledged

like i understand that it was just an extension of the fact that the actor was ACTUALLY injured and ACTUALLY using a cane and probably would not have enjoyed added acted scrutiny because he probably dealt enough with it in his personal life (based on personal experience he probably dealt with a fair bit bc people irl are garbage about young cane users existing) but still, the fact that not a SINGLE PERSON ever questions spencer, ever questions the legitimacy of his need for an aid, ever questions why he's using it, god i'm so jealous

no one ever raises an eyebrow when he enters a room, no local detective ever makes a mean joke, no medical examiner ever stares at him for just a second too long, even when he does interviews, no family member or event planner EVER gives him a second look, they all just seamless accept that this member of the fbi is using a cane and never treat him any differently for it

no one mocks him! no one makes any snide remarks, no one side-eyes him when he enters a room, no one ever presses into his space and offers (read: demands) they do something for him since he's "not capable", no one questions his credentials, or his ability to do his job. everyone just accepts it as normal and continues as such. the literal ONLY DIFFERENCE in ANYONE'S treatment of him is that he doesn't go with the team when they head to the final location to grab the unsub with their guns out, which is a perfectly reasonable accommodation! and no one mocks him for that either! no one ever implies he's "missing out" and everyone keeps him in the loop during the investigation when they're doing things of that nature, so he can help put the last pieces together

just, as a young cane user myself, not only is spencer the literal first time i've ever seen someone on tv using a cane correctly (not an exaggeration, actors seem incapable of using canes correctly), and thus the first person i've ever TRULY seen that part of me in, but i just LOVE the way the show and narrative treat him in general, mostly because the way they treat him straight up DOESN'T CHANGE!! dude i fucking WISH that was my reality!!! i WISH people straight up DIDN'T CHANGE the way they treated me after i started using a cane, i fucking WISH everyone just accepted at face value the fact that i use one and then moved on and didn't mention it again

[kristeristerin]

Oooooo Runaway Bride from the SFW bingo with Eris please?

AN: Thank you for being the first person to send me a request for the Bingo! I did a bit of a twist on the Runaway Bride idea, but I hope you like it! <3

I'm still working on the other requests and hope to have one or two more posted tonight. :) -----------------------------------------------------

I watched the flurry of motion in the garden below my bedroom window. In just under an hour I’d be committing myself to spending the rest of my immortal life with one male. The sound of the door closing and locking pulled my attention away from the window.

“You shouldn’t be in here,” My eyes widen as I move closer to Eris, ready to push him back out the door.

He stands his ground and peers down at me. “You don’t have to go through with all of this. We can leave right now. Lucien is working on breaking the wards for me and then I can winnow the two of us out.”

I shake my head and look up at him incredulously. “Eris, you had a literal year to put a stop to this wedding. You can’t honestly expect that I will let you whisk me away an hour before I am supposed to walk down the aisle. How did you even talk Lucien into helping you with this?”

“He understands my desperation and took a little pity on me, shouldn’t you be more excited that he agreed? Brotherly love and all that? Please, my love, please make me the happiest male in Prythian and leave with me.”

His pout brought a small smile to my lips.

“You’re the absolute worst. Do you have any idea how Helion would react if he knew you were even contemplating ruining all of the work he put into this? If you didn’t want a big affair you shouldn’t have agreed to let him plan it. You know damn well he’s a bit extravagant.”

“It was a lapse in judgment,” he pouts again and brings a hand up to run it through my hair. “I wanted to give you everything you’d ever wanted and he convinced me that he had just the plan to do it -”

Eris’ words are cut off by a sharp knock on the door. “Eris Vanserra get your ass out here this instant.”

We both turn toward the door and I bite back a laugh at the panic that flashes across Eris’ face at Elain’s angry tone.

“You’re not supposed to see her yet, and you’re going to ruin all of the work Helion and I put into today. Do I need to go get your mother?” “Oh no, not my mother.” He mock whispers and then proudly smiles at me when I can no longer hold back my giggles. I bury my face into his chest.

“Also, how dare you pull Lucien into this.” Elain continues from the other side of the door, “I caught him working on the wards so you could winnow away. You’re not going to ruin this for Y/N.”

That made him pause, “Am I ruining this for you, my love?”

I shake my head before pulling back to look him in the eyes. “I’ve been looking forward to seeing what Helion and Elain have planned for us, but at the end of the day as long as I get to spend the rest of my life with you I’m happy.”

Eris swallows hard and nods, “The size of the crowd just made me nervous. I’m not used to not having to keep my emotions tightly guarded and the thought of showing everyone what you mean to me makes me feel vulnerable. I’m scared my love for you will be used against me.”

I place my hand against his cheek. “I know this is hard to get used to, but these are our friends and family. It’s ok to show this side of yourself. They all care about you and so do I. Now get out of here so I can finish getting ready.”

Eris nods and leans down to press a quick kiss to my forehead. “I’ll see you at the ceremony, Sweetheart.”

[thewritingofspencerrose]

M.Hughes Masterlist

First Day on the Job

It's chilly in the arena when we enter, hand in hand, for my first day.

Only a week into living here and I still don't fully think this has all set in.

I may be working on a medical team, but I'm going to be the first stop of all injured players as soon as they're off the ice.

It's all on me.

"Hey, what's going on in there?" A physical knocking on my forehead brings me from my thoughts, Trevor's smile being the first thing in front of me, mocking and coy.

Part of me wants to just smile and say I dazed off, but this is Trev, he's my partner in

"What if someone bleeds out? Or worse, what if everyone hates me?"

"What's the worst scenario?" Jamie questions from our side, not even attempting to save his laugh, Trevor pulling me closer to his body. "Everyone hating you?"

"You do realize everyone loves you right?" They're tag-teaming my nerves right now, and honestly I'm not even sure that'll be enough.

No exam prepared me for the nauseous anxiety that starting a lead job would bring.

"They don't know me!" It's a lame argument, but valid all the same as I pause just outside the locker room door. I know I'm allowed in. It's where I've been instructed to meet Coach Cronin and introduce myself to the boys.

"We have all heard literally everything about you, I'm pretty sure I could tell you things about yourself that you don't even know, Mags," his words are meant to be assuring, but assuring isn't loading properly right now.

"Then what if I don't live up to their idea of me?"

Even if I hadn't already been on the edge of a breakdown, the look on Trevor's face as he takes my shoulders, his shoulders slumped and eyes downcast.

"The boys already love you because I love you, and that's never going to change. So we're going to march your cute little ass into this lockerroom and wow everyone with all that Latin-anatomy-nonsense that we studied the last four years, got it?"

Sorry Dad, you better be saving for a wedding.

I just smile though, small and wide while he returns my look. But Jamie's groaning, moaning on about something involving us getting a room, and I can hear the sound of staff coming down the hall.

"Okay, let's get this over with so I can go home and rant about it with Q."

The boys both laugh, but Jamie is the one to open the door, Trev taking ahold of my hand with one of his, his other covering my eyes as he leads me into the loud atmosphere.

"Okay boys! Put 'em away! My girls here and unless you break 'em I want them nowhere near her eyeline!" Nevermind on the wedding, I may just kill him here and now.

"Trevor Zegras!" The team laughs loudly, oohing and ahhing while I pry Trev's hand off, and I can't help but laugh as I look out around me.

These boys are going to make me cry. Correction, I am crying.

"You guys-"

Trevor's hands wrap around my waist, chin resting on my shoulder and I can feel his smile. "Welcome to the team, Baby."

"And welcome to the team from the rest of us," the one I know to be Mason greets, everyone around clapping. "I'm not going to call you baby, because I value my life, but we're all really glad you're here, Margaret."

"Maggie," I correct softly, Mason's smile growing as Leo jumps up like a happy puppy.

"We get nickname privileges?"

There's a joy throughout the room as I take in his smile, the banner saying CONGRATULATIONS in Ducks colors, balloons and all sprawled about.

How could I not give these boys nickname privileges when they seem just as excited to see me as they would an old friend. It's like they're seeing Trev or Jamie after a long break.

"Of course you do, as long as y'all keep from getting too beat up," I offer, sticking out a hand. "Deal?"

"Deal to do our best," Leo accepts, shaking my hand as some of the veterans laugh.

Gudas just chuckling and shaking his head as he watches us both. "She's going to run this whole show."

[nayruwu]

I don't want to come off as rude please don't take it as offense but I don't think guren is actually taken accountable, maybe by fandom on certain matter but narrative pretty much white washed most of his actions & whatever is left will be done in future I don't have any doubts about that. I'm not even saying this as his hater because I used to defend him before a lot but with how kagami is going right now I don't think ons wi have any 'good' ending because kagami makes characters do some heinous & evil things that cannot be undone but then justify it later on even if it make sense or not. As for mahiru, im not asking you to see her from different perspective if you don't like her I understand she's just too far gone as character even I feel uncomfortable with her. But consider this for a second, she don't actually have her own character, her personality revolves around guren most of time even tho she have her own traumatic past but none of it ever get mentioned let alone explored, she's just an accessory for guren so pushing most hate on her for what author is doing is kinda stupid cause no one is putting gun on his head to write that & logically speaking a person like mahiru who loves her own standing & hates when others cannot go all out like her wouldn't actually fall for someone like guren it's just author who fixated her on him so he can write gurens story. As for constant glorification of beauty, she was 16 don't you think author is very weird with how he was sexualizing a minor through narrative in every weird way possible? & why I think this needs to be talked more when addressing all those "mahiru goddess" complains is because he's really weird for that, 1st he sexualizes kids a lot be it shikama saying toddler looking mikayuu to breed, ferid's mansion having kids in very suggestive clothing in mikaela novels & kids literally r4p!ng eachother on same novels, kureto using r4p3 threats baby shinoa, sayuri & shigure just there to get stripped time to time, mitos assault end up becoming more about how much hurt guren is, & 10 yo mahiru mocking about putting seeds in her to shinya like that's not normal & mahiru isn't any exception. Take it as grain of salt but when it comes to actual criticism ons fandom tend to not talk about what's actually weird about the writing aside from bad writing & hiragi sisters getting in way by doing something dumb & irredeemable ons fans only ever address it when they're really pissed off by chapter or hit the ceiling with patience. That's it, I hope it didn't come off as offensive im sorry if it did tho.

oh don't worry, you're good! i've talked about these things before and don't really want to repeat myself again so i'm sorry if this answer is short. but yes, kagami definitely messed up with guren recently and i don't think anyone that seriously likes him on a deeper level disagrees. i'm all up for criticising him, i just think that the fandom has been beating his ass enough for the last 3 and a half years. especially now that Mx. 'I Cause Pain And Suffering To Get My Loved Ones Back Version 2.0' Doji has entered the stage and is somehow getting glorified to hell and back for it.

you guys keep making me think about mahiru please stop i don't wanna. i'm gonna be mean to her and say i think her obsession with guren mostly stems from the weird fantasy she's got going on in her head with the forbidden romance and her prince freeing her from the clutches of her family, so it could have been any guy naïve enough to fall for her brainwashing. insert "she's in love with the idea of guren, not guren himself" paragraph here. she's weird, i don't get her, i want to think about nicer things. like byakkomaru's paw pads. they're good.

perhaps you should just ask the guremxhi stans. they probably know more than me! be nice about it though.

and i've seen plenty of criticism towards the consant SA mentions and really odd descriptions of the girls - it's the first thing anyone talks about when someone asks whether or not they should read catastrophe. we're all aware of it, we all hate it, but it's useless to complain about the same thing over and over again. kissies

[inertflouride]

Turmoils Of You- Part 14

Spam posting today

"Get him out of here. Right Now", he orders me in a voice so low yet so freaking loud. So firm. So spine shaking.

Too bad I don't care about Phil. Too bad he won't be getting the reaction he expected. I know what you're thinking, Jake. But you know what? I trusted you with everything yet the amount of trust you have in me is too little.

I tried to explain myself. I looked in his eyes, but he averted his gaze. I tried to hold his arm, but he jerked it off. So you know what Jake Donfort? I don't care now.

I see him keeping the mugs aside before wiping his hands off. His very veiny hands, his black hoodie folded upto his elbows, black rings on his fingers finishing the look. God MC, focus!

I take a single mug from the slab and pour my coffee in it, taking my seat on the one seater sofa chair. These two can get theirs themselves. I see Jake sauntering towards me and stands on my head.

Sensing him near me, I look at him after while taking a big sip of my coffee and crook a brow at him. He takes the mug out of my hand and sets it on the coffee table before taking my very same hand again and pulling me up.

I stand with a gasp before he seats himself and pulls me over his lap. I look at him, startled, as my cheeks flush up. He's so moody, like for heaven's sake we ain't alone, what's with this...

Oh. I get it now.

"You're doing this because you're jealous, right?", I speak in his ear with a smirk on my face.

"Phil, right? Weren't you in jail? How did you manage to end up with MC here?", he asks, completely ignoring my comment.

"Uh well, I fled."

"And that doesn't make you the least suspicious eh?", Jake mocks at Phil, getting a rise out of him.

And here goes Phil taking the bait. "Honestly? Staying here wasn't my plan either", Oh fuck. Shut up already Phil. Jake does not need to know any of this. I glare at him, trying to signal him to shut up, "Your girlfriend is why I'm here in the first place."

"Excuse me?", Jake asks in a lethally low tone. I notice how his jaw ticks hard. He motions me to get up and walks over to him, standing face to face to the bartender, both of them the same height too.

"She was high on fucking xanax. Literally overdosed on them on her way here. How could you not know any of this? Or maybe you're the one who set her up... Or the reason she did it. Who kno-", Phil starts but is cut shot by Jake's jaw breaking punch.

Phil sways back from the sudden punch but before he could get over the suddenness of it, Jake grabs Phil's collar and lays another punch squaring his left cheek. "How dare you call her a junkie? Huh? You fucking piece of shit!" I rush to the two idiots to try to stop them.

I stand in front of Jake, putting my hands over his chest to calm him down and talk him through it. I hear Phil shuffle around and get up. To this, Jake again tries to pounce on him over me but I try push him back by his chest. "Say whatsoever about me, but do not utter any shit about her or the next time, I'll kill you. And I promise, even MC won't be able to stop me then."

Phil scoffs at him and gets his bag, jerks the door open and disgustingly gets out, not before saying his close argument. "I hope whatever you think is true. I hope I don't get to say 'I told you so'." And bam, he slams the door shut. I had to go to the door to see if any screws broke open. Ok no, clear.

Sighing, I ready myself for the explanation I need to give Jake. He deserves it anyways. I can't hide it from him. That would just be like disrespecting his love and trust on me. I have to come clean to him.

[ezziefox]

I hate school so much, i wish another pandemic could come so that it can at least go back online.

School has only gotten worse this year. Everyone has to do sixty hours of community service, then we have multiple "school-based assessments" to work on throughout the entire year. I don't know how to explain them, but think of them like drawn out group projects that requires actual research and multiple different presentations and whatnot. I have to complete my community service by November. I wanted to do it in the summer, but then found out that they wouldn't allow it to be done overseas so now i have to find somewhere to cram in 60 hours before the time is up.

they extended the school days, so now school ends at 3 instead of 2 like it used to. I hate my teachers, especially this one teacher. with all of this happening, i literally will barely or not even at all be able to do something else, for example, writing.

i recently told myself that i'd stop writing because it was killing me. it felt like fighting a battle of what i actually wanted to do whilst i was also being forced to do something else i absolutely hate. plus, writing takes time, and time is something i won't have much of anymore. i keep trying to find ways to slack off or make things easier so that I have more time to write, but now it's come back to fuck me over in the sense of my mental health and stability.

i'd made that giving up promise to myself, but i couldn't help myself as i began writing again this weekend. and now that the weekend is over and there are still things i haven't done, i feel trapped. i feel like i'm in hell.

it's only been the first week of school, and already, i have to create two posters for spanish, and rewrite a letter we had gotten to do on our last year end of year exams. plus a mock exam for english in a practice book that i need to finish up.

It's gotten to the point where I wish another pandemic could come so that school could at least go back online. The monkeypox is going around. i wish it would find its way to my country so that we'd have to go back into lockdown. because, at least when i was online, i could multitask without fear of being punished or being told to put away my laptop.

they keep pushing us to work towards our goals, yet they kill us by the second.

i just want school to at least go back online. i know a lot of people are saying they don't learn online, but i'm really fucked in the head right now and i just want to be able to pursue my dreams without having to put a pause on it.

last night and today i spent it all writing, and i've made the most progress i have in four years since i first began in 2020. i desperately don't want that to end. i want to continue writing this story, but i have to prepare for hell tomorrow, so i just want to get in some slack with it too.

god damn it.

can't school just go back online. just go fucking back online.

even if an earthquake comes and destroys my school (it's a really old building), i wouldn't care at this point. i'm tired. i'm fed up. i don't want this anymore.

school is destroying me by the second. and I don't know how much more of it i can take.

and i don't want to hear silly advice like time will pass and all that bullshit.

i just can't take it anymore.

i just want to write. i just want to write endlessly. finally publish a book. finally get something out there. is it so bad i want to dedicate my life to my dream? fuck school.

ugh.

not even writing this could clear my conscience like the previous times. sigh.

[autumn-applepie]

I think it's baffling that my mother doesn't want me to get disrespected and always stand my ground but when I stand my ground against her or a family member I'm "being ungrateful"

I feel a little stupid for ranting this much but hhh ig putting myself on blast is what keeps me sane so I'm gonna rant down here sorry it's going to be log I just yap a lot ignore this lol </3

my mom is very pushy and a perfectionist, failure and error is not allowed, and whenever there's a problem she gets angry, screams, insults and throws things. I messed something in my new University's registration and instead of paying no taxes, we ended up having to pay a 400 euros tax. My mom was screaming like shit, I thought it was completely normal that we had to pay them but then we checked and we figured I messed an information cuz the explanation wasn't so clear on the site and she got mad saying that she was supposed to do it and I can't do anything alone, that I'm a child, I'm pushy and I always rush things when I did that registration quite calmly and double checked and was absolutely sure.

I just messed something, and tbh 400 euros of taxes for the whole year is not even that much, considering the higher taxes you can possibly pay in that uni is over 30,000 euros. And we have a whole month to fix this we just gotta wait for the secretary to reach us back to our email. And when we made the first payment (the admission tax of 120 euros, not the uni tax), she obsessively tried to search for every single paper possible, while I tried to show her how it takes a bit for the payment to show and she got heated up and doubled down on "I'm just showing you how you not fuck your life up" like wtf?? And ofc I got mad telling her to calm down cuz there was no reason to twist the knife in the wound and she got so offended saying I have no right to talk back to her and disrespect her. That I'll never go anywhere in life with that attitude and that when someone older than me talks I need to shut up and listen and that I want to ruin my life I can do that outside of the family. Even when she started mocking me instead of giving me actual counterargument (like, literally she would mimic my words mockingly and go "bleh bleh bleh gne gne gne wah wah wah wah!", even disrespectfully mimicking spasms while doing it) she would go "I'm making fun of you because you never let me talk so I'm not going to listen to you" wha????

This always happens also with my grandmother and my aunt. Long story short, my grandma is very old and is starting to struggle to walk. She uses a cane and always needs a hand. Usually is my aunt who does that, however, my aunt is very dismissive and superficial. Whenever we go out, I always end up being the one caring for my grandma because my aunt doesn't even care to stay close to her enough, making her risk to fall to the ground multiple times. Now, my grandmother is not a good person either, like at all. She's the main source of verbal abuse, fatphobic, homophobic, and racist "jokes" in the whole family. But still she's like. Almost 90 years old. And tbh she doesn't deserve to like. Fall to the ground because my aunt cares more about herself than her own old mother. I had to call out my aunt many times like "can't you please stay behind her instead of having your head in the clouds??" and my aunt gets always so offended and my mom always goes "she's your aunt, and she's older than you. You have to give respect no matter what" and I obviously told her that respect is a two way street no matter the age and no matter if it is a relative or not (also because we're talking about GRANDMA FALLING TO THE GROUND because of my aunt not caring), and her response was "Life doesn't work like that. Respect should always be given, you shouldn't be entitled to have that respect back" huh??????? I don't??? think that's how respect work????

Idk she always leaves me so spent every time cuz wtf

[selfship-shenanigans]

hii Ray, how about yon, hachi and jyuu from the odd introduction ask meme? :3

Tysm!! <3

○ Hachi ○ • What scenario is your favorite to imagine with them

I imagine a lot of smutty scenarios with them (because I'm a horny mf lmao) but also a lot of soft domestic fluff. Especially cuddles. There's no such thing as too many cuddles. Plus can you imagine being held and snuggled by someone who's 2 feet taller than you?? Sounds like heaven to me.

○ Jyuu ○ • What is your favorite thing about this ship

The fact that Ganondorf and Ray literally could not be more different, yet fit together so perfectly. Ray is (obviously) heavily based on myself, disabilities and all, so thinking about someone like Ganondorf, who is literal royalty and could easily have his pick of any Gerudo woman he wanted, still choosing Ray just... feels really nice.

I'm putting this question last because it got REALLY long lmao

○ Yon ○ • Capture two important memories in this ship

Y'know what? For this question, I'm gonna do something I don't normally do, and share with y'all some snippets from the ""official"" Ganondorf x Ray fic I've been slowly writing over the past year and a half. It's all written in second person and is still 99% draft (hence everything is in square brackets), so uh... don't expect a masterpiece XD

The first is when Ganondorf let Ray go after the first time they got caught in the fortress:

“Conflict with the Hylians is rather undesirable. I’m sure you can imagine the difficult position that puts me in when it comes to dealing with those who would dare to cross our borders without permission. Your actions warrant punishment, but… I think I will let you go.”  [Wait, what? You look up at him in surprise] “Your intentions appear honest enough, so I’m willing to say that you’re not a spy or would-be saboteur, merely a fool who lacks the wisdom to keep to their own lands. As such, you are free to go, but not without a warning: do not come back, else you will face actual consequences.”  [you thank him graciously]  [he rolls his eyes at you and snaps his fingers twice to get the attention of the guards] “Guards, escort them back to the border.” [he gets up from where he was sitting, and the guards come and grab you by the arms, standing you up and walking you out of the cell. They take you to the border and let you go, just as Ganondorf ordered. But just before releasing you, they repeat his warning not to come back. Then they let you go and turn and head back towards the fortress without another word.]  [you take a moment to breathe before starting to head back towards Castle Town, your heart still pounding and hands shaking with the adrenaline, but with an odd mix of emotions swirling around in your head. You can’t quite describe it. You chalk it up to the terror you just experienced and go home, never to return to the Gerudo fortress.]  [or at least, that’s what you intended to happen.] 

We all know Ray didn't listen to him lmao. Anyway, the second is almost a year after their first meeting, on the night they got together (for a little more context, they're laying in bed post-sex):

[A few moments of silence as you both lay there on your backs and catch your breath]  “You do realise that you’re stuck with me now, right?” [you say and turn your head to look at him, You can’t help but smile when he meets your eyes] “You’ll never get rid of me after this.”  “You make it sound like an inconvenience,” [he says in mock seriousness, though his amusement is only thinly veiled.] “I think you’ll find that having you at my side is exactly what I want.”  “You mean it?”  “I do. Never before have I shared my bed with someone whom I care so deeply for. In that sense, you are my first.” [he rolls over onto his side so that he’s facing you] “When you and I met—the first time that you snuck into the fortress, and my guards caught you—I called you a fool for not staying within your own lands. Now, I realise…” [he trails off, chuckling softly to himself]  “Realise what?”  “That I was just as much a fool as you were.”  [you lay on your side as well as you can look at him properly] “Really? What for?”  “For not seeing that the little Hylian trespasser who stood before me… was so much more than that. I thought of you as nothing but a petty criminal; a minor nuisance, but a very persistent one that was really starting to get on my nerves.”  [A smile creeps onto your face] “And now?”  “Now I understand just what a blessing from the goddesses you truly are. Not just to me, but to all of us. The role you will play in what is to come is the key to everything my people have desired all these years… Through you, we might finally live rather than just surviving.”  “You will, I promise. I’ll do everything I can to help you.”  “I know. I’m counting on it.” 

Hopefully those weren't too painful to read lol

[peridyke]

i like your artstyle for your lapis fancomic. it's dynamic and cute and i see in it an economy that i admire and find appealing! i'm thinking of what you said about studying good page composition and showing how it affected your work, and i'm pretty curious about your thought process on artstyle. how did you approach developing the look? were there considerations unique to doing a comic vs illustration?

Hi! This is a really cool question and I’ve been giving my answer a lot of thought as this is something I think about a lot when I work on comics, especially when I compare how I work now to how I worked when I first started out on making them.

My first thought whenever I’m developing the look I want a comic to have is efficiency, and that’s been a really tough lesson for me to learn and one I’m probably gonna keep learning as long as I’m making comics. If you’re coming to comics from an illustration background, it’s tempting to want your comic to be a work of art with intricate backgrounds and rendering. In my case, my first comic that I made ages 19-23 had a “simplified” style that I thought I could reasonably keep up for potentially thousands of pages.

In the end, after 4 years of work I only finished 35.

This is a bit of an extreme example, and for clarity’s sake my schedule was extremely off and on, but it was one of the most humbling and educational art experiences I’ve had. I’ve learned to try and be as realistic with myself as I can when I’m working on a comic page or developing my vision for the look of a comic. The most important thing to know about comics, in my opinion, is that the visuals in them are secondary to the story and content. A finished comic with a simple or crude art style is ultimately a more enjoyable work than an unfinished comic with pages that took days to finish rendering. Sometimes people are going to go back and examine the visuals of your pages and appreciate your effort, but your readers are primarily reading for the story and are going to finish looking at the visuals in as much time as it takes for them to read the dialog.

As an example, this is a page from my first comic Hellscape vs my recent page mock-up I did for my Steven Universe comic I’m currently writing.

As you can see, although the style is still what I would consider to be “rough”, I put a lot of attention to detail into my backgrounds for the Hellscape page, and while the final product looks nice it took me multiple months to finish. In comparison, my Steven Universe comic page took me 14 hours of work to reach 100% completion, and while 14 hours is still obviously a ton of time to spend on a drawing it’s nothing compared to the amount of time I would sink into rendering my old Hellscape pages. When working on my Steven Universe comic page my primary time sink was posing and perspective, and things like details and shading were kept to a minimum as I prioritized keeping my characters readable and my panels dynamic. I did some gradients and minor blending on background details like the ocean, but especially during the coloring phase I tried to make sure I was keeping a tight leash on myself for how much time I was spending on details.

As I continue to make comic pages I hope to find more and more ways to make things efficient for myself. Time is ultimately my greatest adversary as I need to keep in mind that I cannot afford to work at a rate that would leave me taking literal decades to finish my work. That’s been something I’ve been grappling with in regards to my lapis comic specifically, as it’s my most ambitious comic project I’ve planned after I stopped work on Hellscape. I’m trying to be realistic with myself and my ambitions as I plan how I want my comic to look and how long each segment of it will be, and because of that I’ve been really cautious about doing anything that I feel is jumping the gun so to speak. I’m currently making sure I have my script 100% complete before I start serious work on pages so that my only concern as I work on them is the art and composition, and importantly I’m going to be working on the entire comic as a whole and not releasing pages gradually in a webcomic format. Learning how unproductive and stressful making pages one at a time to 100% completion slowly and gradually was for me back when I was making Hellscape was a huge wake up call and after talking to a comic artist who I respect about how they tackle their projects I’ve majorly restructured how I go about breaking projects down in a way I really hope will result in a more efficient workflow for me.

Every project I do is a massive learning experience and making comics has taught me so, so much about art and my personal limitations. I’ve really had to rewire my brain to become a more efficient cartoonist and I imagine the more experienced I get the better I will be at finishing projects and making work that I’m proud of. Anyways, I’m sorry that this reply took so long for me to finish and I hope it answered your question! This kind of stuff is something I think about a lot and it was honestly hard for me to pin down all my thoughts. I really really appreciate your interest in my art and comics, it truly means the world to me <3

[bakubub]

In which Racer!Kuroo is your roommate and you finally learn more about him...

Warnings: Mentions of loss of loved one, disregard for own life, swearing, innuendos and implied nsfw (but sfw overall), fem!reader with she/her pronouns.

A/N: Idek what this is. Its literally a 4.6 k mixture of fluff, angst and comfort... I rewrote this like 4 times :,) being a perfectionist is so,,, tiring.

This takes part shortly after this, you can definitely read this without reading the 'part 1' if you will, since they don't depend on one another.

Art belongs to @aikk00 ,, and yes I am still in love with it :D

I stumble out of the lecture hall, my eyes so heavy I bump into about 3 other students and mumble my apologies until I fully wake up and snap out of my daze.

Walking down the stairs and making my way to the bus stop, I watch in horror as the bus I was supposed to be in drives off, going fast for once in its damn life as if mocking me.

Inhaling sharply through my nose, I manage to keep my composure and sit down at the bus stop, telling myself the next bus will be here in a bit.

It's fine. It's fine. I slept through the lecture, and I still have to catch up on 4 subjects and make dinner, but at least the house is clean and I'm caught up in that one subject I picked up for this exact reason.

It's fine. It's going to be just fi-

The rumble of a loud engine breaks my shitty but somewhat effective self-reassurance motto and I open my eyes to see a black and red sports car going 60 km/h in a 30 zone, effectively getting mine and everyone else's attention.

I watched in horror for the second time today as this time it stopped right in front of the bus stop. No, no, no, no.

No.

Please no.

He rolls down the passenger window with that ridiculous hair and a shit-eating grin, as he nods towards the seat, revving his engine.

I look away, pretending he's not looking directly at me and that I don't live with the guy, which I immediately regretted when he beeped the fucking horn.

What did I do to deserve this humiliation?

I hastily put my head down as he beeped it again, giving up and rushing towards his insufferable car, getting into the passenger seat and slumping in my seat to keep my head down low.

"What is wrong with you? What are you even doing here?" I hiss, my glaring up at him from my awkward, folded position.

He laughs, and when I hear the sound of a photo being taken in the split second I looked away to readjust my bag, I sit up straight, watching him continue speeding as he stuffs his phone into his pocket.

"Are. You. Trying. To. Kill. Me?!" I ask, my voice little less than a screech as I slap his arm with each word.

"Ow, ow, I just came to pick my roomie up! I sensed you needed a ride, and this is the thanks I get?" he asks, that smirk I have come to hate returning to grace his features.

I glare at him, but a small, sleep-deprived part of my brain is distracted by his appearance. A tight black tee adorning his built figure, his biceps are on display as he drives with one hand, the other resting on the gear shift. The air from his rolled down window is ruffling his hair this way and that, and I find myself wanting to run my hands through the raven strands, just as I had when I washed his hair that one time...

"Wait- how the fuck did you know I didn't have a ride?" I ask incredulously, my reaction time clearly delayed but here nonetheless.

I narrow my eyes as he hesitates before he answers, "I just knew, ok? It's not like it’s astrodynamics, not that I can't figure that out too."

"Kuroo, what the hell is astrodynamics? Are you like, spying on me or something?" I ask, pretending to look out the window so as to not get distracted by his appearance once more.

"What do you common folk call it? Rocket science?" He says, once again exceeding the speed limit.

"If I'm a commoner, does that make you a peasant? Also, stop going so fast, I feel sick and I do not feel like dying today."

He rolls his eyes in response as he slows down by a smidgen, the speed meter barely even moving. "Seriously, you may have no consideration for yourself, but I still have a lot of things to achieve with my damn life so slow the fuck down." My words finally reach the rational part in him and he slows down considerably, now going within the speed limit.

Taking a deep breath, I rest my elbow on my door and look out the window, my mind flooding with thoughts about Kuroo's reckless driving and how it can all go sour with one delayed reaction.

Before I know it, we're rolling up to our apartment building, driving into his private garage only the penthouse owners get to use.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, filling the silence in the car.

"It's ok. I just... I want you to be safe. I know its hard, but... just try," I say quietly, unable to look at him.

"That's what he said," he says hastily before rushing out of the car before I can hit him.

Getting out of the vehicle myself, I send a murderous look his way and run after his retreating form.

A small part of me is grateful that he's acting like his usual unbearable self again, but the rest of me is just mad at his relentless sex jokes.

He hits the elevator button before I can get there and I watch the doors close, his smirk practically shining through the crack of the closing doors. I jam my foot in the middle at the last possible second, and smile victoriously as I get into the metal box and slap his arm once again.

"Ooh, do it harder," he practically moans, and my eyes just about pop out of their sockets in embarrassment as my face flushes a deep red.

"Oh shut up," I mutter, turning around and waiting patiently for the doors to open on the top floor. I hear him snicker and then the sound of a photo being taken, turning around sharply. I yell in defiance and throw my bag on the floor as I jump onto him in an attempt to grab his phone out of his hand and delete the probably unflattering photo.

I straddle his back and reach for the phone he easily holds out of my reach. Leaning across his shoulder in a feeble attempt to reach it, my feet are hooked around his chest and my other hand is using his shoulder as a brace. He's laughing hard at this point, and I'm screaming at him to give me the damn phone. Neither of us notice the elevator doors opening nor the small woman standing at the threshold staring at us in shock and amusement.

"Kuroo Tetsuro! You let that poor girl down this instant, young man!"

We both froze at the authoritative voice, slowly turning to look at a small dark haired woman with a straight shoulder length cut and narrow gold eyes that were glaring at the man under me.

"MUM!" He exclaims, setting me down and running to hug and kiss the woman, his mum apparently. "What are you doing here?" I hear him ask as I straighten myself out, fixing my jumper and tucking my hair behind my ears, picking up my bag off the floor and quickly following them out of the elevator.

"What, a mother needs an excuse to come visit her boys? Where's Kenma?" She asks, looking in the elevator again as if to check if she missed him.

"Oh, he's at his own place. Apparently he has a booked in session with this famous gamer today. Did he say he'd be here?" Kuroo asks, letting go of the woman and leaning on the wall.

"No, I didn't tell anyone I was coming to visit. Never mind that, who's this pretty young lady here, hmm?" She asks, raising a perfectly shaped brow as she walks towards me, the click of her heels echoing in the lobby of the penthouse.

I smiled down at her, since she was considerably shorter than even me, and introduced myself. "It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Kuroo." I say, bowing.

"Oh no, no, none of that. You can call me mum too, hmm?" She says, gesturing me up from my bow and pulling me down for a tight hug.

"Oh, um, actually, me and Kuroo aren't-"

"We’ll talk more comfortably inside, no? Tetsuro, is your plan to let me stand here all day?” She asks, letting me go and turning around to look at Kuroo.

Kuroo leaps into action, taking his mum's bag and unlocking the door, helping her out of her heels and leading her into the spotless penthouse.

It was all I could do to nod in response, closing the door behind us and walking down into the kitchen to prepare a meal.

It’s crazy how much I don’t know about this guy. He’d never mentioned his mother before, and briefly mentioned that he has a sister, whether older or younger I have no idea. Kenma, however, I know well. The guy was here all the time when I first started living here, but recently I've seen him less and less. Which is a shame, considering we actually got along quite well, with sharing eye rolls and bonding over our mutual love of Minecraft.

I don't notice silent footsteps following me until Kuroo's Mother says "now, why's a beautiful girl like yourself slaving away in the kitchen? Does that boy make u do all the cooking and cleaning like some mid-century housewife?"

I poke my head out of the fridge, smiling at her fair assumptions, "no, no, it's not like that at all. I actually-"

"Uh, mum! You know I'm incompetent with this stuff. This place would be a mess if she wasn't here to run things! Plus, she loves to cook and finds cleaning therapeutic. Hey, her words not mine," Kuroo quickly jumps in, putting his hands up defensively when she looks at him with a raised brow.

Looks like he doesn't want his mother to know of our little arrangement.

"Right. He's just so hopeless, I can't trust him to do anything," I add on, sending her a smile as I prepare the fish he likes.

"You're making grilled mackerel for dinner?! Oh that's gonna hit the fu- the fun spot," he says, saving himself at the last second.

I hold back a snort as I take out a pan, "open the window, fish boy. It's about to stink here and I can't be bothered with Mrs. Suzuki coming all the way upstairs just to complain about the fish smell, and then complaining that she had to come up here in the first place. God, I hope she isn't sitting on the balcony today," I ramble, trying to see her balcony from outside the window, but fail because of the private location.

Damn these amazing architects.

I hear his mum chuckle at my rambling as she begins to take out ingredients for a salad. "Oh, you don't have to help, please sit and make yourself comfortable," I say, moving towards her to take the lettuce out of her hands.

"No, no, I'd like to pitch in. Now what kind of mother-in-law would I be to let you do everything yourself?" She asks, holding the lettuce away from me and walking over to the sink.

I stare at the back of her head, a flush creeping up my neck, "m-mother-in-law?!" I ask incredulously, glancing over at Kuroo who looked suspiciously... Smug. I look away quickly when he meets my eyes, and I hastily hyper-focus on the fish in front of me, placing it on the heated pan, causing sizzling and popping to fill the awkward silence.

"I'm sorry darling, I don't mean to be overbearing. Tetsuro introduced you as his girlfriend, so I thought things were getting serious since he actually allowed us to meet one another. You see, he’s never introduced me to a girl before, so you can imagine my excitement. I can stop if you're uncomfortable-"

I cut her off, feeling even more embarrassed as I realise the role I am to play in Kuroo's life when his mother is around. I mean, it makes sense, he can't exactly just admit he took a random girl into his house.

"I, um, no really it's fine, I understand" I say, my voice small as I flip the fish.

She lets out a delighted laugh and pulls me down into a hug once more. The smile on my face is genuine as my embarrassment melts away, the bright smile of this woman comforting me.

"So, how did you guys meet?" She asks, chopping up the ingredients for her salad on the bench while I'm at the stove, Kuroo leaning on his elbows on the bench.

"At uni," I answer at the same time as Kuroo states, "at a party."

We both look at each other with wide eyes, and I clear my throat to clarify, "at a uni party. A classmate of ours hosted one and we met each other there."

"I see, so the old boozed up one night stand turned into quite a domestic relationship hmm?" she suggests, wiggling her eyebrows at Kuroo.

"What? No, no, I would never! A one night stand? Booze? Please, what kind of man do you take me for?" Kuroo complains, looking offended.

I turn around towards the stove and roll my eyes. I've heard the rumours around campus, practically every girl in my lecture hall can testify to at least making out with the man. He really puts up a façade for his mum.

I hear the doorbell ring, and quickly take the fish off the stove to go answer it as Kuroo bickers with his mother about how innocent he really is.

"Hello? Who is it?" I ask, pressing the buzzer.

"Uh, hello? Is this Tetsu's place?" A deep voice answers. I look at the camera, seeing Kenma and a bunch of men about Kuroo's age looking confused. The one who answered is a guy with a blond mohawk and piercings adorning both ears.

"Yes, just give me a second," I reply. "Kuroo, I think Kenma and the rest of your friends are here? Should I let 'em up?" I shout out.

"Yeah let 'em in," he calls back. I press another button, letting them into the lobby.

I need to make more food.

Quickly taking out my frozen dumplings I stocked up for emergency dinners for days I couldn't be bothered to make anything better, I whip up a quick sauce, thinking I could split the fish and put it in the middle of the table so everyone can take their share.

"I do apologise darling, I let my Kenma know that I came to visit and he must have told the boys. I think they've all come to see me," Kuroo's mum confesses.

"You must be a very loved woman if they came all this way to see you. And it's no worries really, I'm always prepared for guests," I say, putting her at ease.

She beams at me as the door is banged loudly.

Kuroo mutters something about “rude assholes'' as he goes to open the door, a group of tall men making their way through the threshold.

"Hiya cap'ain," the mohawk guy says, patting Kuroo on the back. A tall, light brown haired man was next to greet him, then proceeded to exclaim "MUMMA KOZUME!!" and practically jumped onto the poor woman.

Wait, did he just say Kozume? Isn't Kenma's surname Kozume?

"Hey mum," Kenma greets, kneeling down to hug Kuroo's mum.

Who's mum is this lady?! I swear to god I'm going to go crazy.

"Hello hello everyone," A massive grey haired guy says, kissing Kuroo's mum on the cheek and hugging Kuroo.

The last guy to greet them is a tan guy with a buzz cut, and he does the same as his friend before.

"So Kuroo, when di'ja get yourself a girl, huh?" The grey haired guy asks, looking offended that he didn't know before now.

I raise my eyebrows as Kuroo just smiles guiltily. He introduces me to his friends and I wave hello, as they all begin to introduce themselves.

The grey haired guy says his name is Lev and that he's half Russian. A weird detail to include but interesting I guess.

The light brown haired man introduces himself as Yaku, and says that he was Kuroo's senpai back in high school.

"Yeah a demon senpai," Kuroo mutters in reply. My smile quickly turns into a grimace as Yaku jumps on him and they both start brawling on the floor, making a loud ruckus. A loud thumping can be heard from downstairs as Mrs. Suzuki starts to lose her mind and continues to bang the handle of her broom to her ceiling.

"Ugh, you morons upset Mrs. Suzuki! She's going to talk my ear off next time I see her..." I complain, grabbing a cushion and throwing it at the boys.

They flinch at my anger and quickly get up, muttering a quick apology. My glare softens as mohawk introduces himself as Yamamoto, and the tan guy says his name is Kai whilst vigorously shaking my hand.

"It's very nice meeting all of you. Dinner will be ready in a bit so please just make yourselves comfortable," I announce, making my way back into the kitchen.

The boys, all sporting grins, make their way to the living room and sit on the couches, man-spreading and slouching all over the place, one person taking up the usual spot for two.

I sigh, focusing on the dumplings in front of me.

I stiffen as I feel large hands on my waist, and a presence behind me. Visibly relaxing once I realise it's Kuroo, I turn around, his hands still resting on my hips, and his face nestled in the crook of my neck.

"Please just go along with it. We have to act like a couple if they're going to believe us," he mutters, his hot breath causing shivers to run up my spine.

I simply nod, instinctively placing my arms around his neck and running my fingers through his hair, something I've wanted to do since that day.

He groans into my neck, and I find myself holding my breath as I continue my hand movements.

"OI LOVEBIRDS! MUM SAYS THE DUMPLINGS ARE GONNA FUCKIN' STICK! Ow! Oh, sorry," I snatched my hands back from Kuroo, pushing his chest, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

What the fuck am I doing?!

I turn around back to the stove, mixing the dumplings in the boiling water as my thoughts race.

That felt too real, too much like a real relationship.

And way too addicting, apparently, since I already miss his close proximity.

The warmth on my waist disappears as I hear Kuroo running back into the living room.

"SHUT UP YOU MORON, THE DUMPLINGS ARE FINE!" I hear him scream, and then a loud thud as he presumably tackles whoever yelled at us to the ground.

I sigh as I hear Mrs. Suzuki's muffled thuds from downstairs in record time.

"You know I'm going to have to make Mrs. Suzuki some kind of apology cake because you boys can't sit down and act like adults," I complained, my arms crossed and an unimpressed expression on my face.

Lev and Yamamoto are on the floor playing some kind of Connect 4 game I've never seen before, while Kai looks to be having a deep conversation with Kuroo's mum, who is perched on the single arm chair like the queen she is.

Kenma is hogging the tv playing some kind of video game on Kuroo's ps5 (which I've hogged on more than one occasion), and Kuroo on the other hand has Yaku in a headlock.

He immediately lets go and apologises, and so does Yaku, who even bows in his regret.

I roll my eyes and shake my head at his mum, who just laughs, and I make my way back into the kitchen, setting food on the table and calling them in to eat.

After dinner, I find myself showered in compliments and not a bite of dinner leftover for tomorrow's lunch. Damn I'm good.

I served up cake I had already prepared from earlier along with fruits I washed and set on plates, and watched as that was eaten and finished before I even sat down. Kuroo's mum scolded the boys for poor manners, and they all apologised. Well, all except Kuroo, who just wiggled his pierced brows and winked at me.

I sit down on the floor next to the couch, since it was all occupied, and hear a dissatisfied sound coming from Kuroo's mum.

"Now, now, sweetheart. You don't have to be shy around me, just go on and take your usual seat next to Tetsuro," she says, nudging her head in Kuroo's direction, where the only vacant spot was literally his lap.

I look at her with wide eyes, even Kuroo seems taken aback by her suggestion, and all the boys are immaturely ‘oohing’ loudly as they laugh and make fun of us.

Kuroo makes a gesture for me to come next to him, so I hold back my heavy sigh, try my best to hide the flush on my face, and walk towards him, awkwardly perching on his knee.

He chuckles as he grabs my waist and pulls me flush towards his chest, my butt in the corner of the couch and my legs resting diagonally over his, so that my head is directly in the crook of his neck.

I hate to say it, but this is actually really damn comfortable.

Conversation has started up again, but it becomes secondary to the beat of his heart right under my ear, and my eyes start to get heavy as his scent and warmth lull me to a comfort that is beyond being awake and alert.

---

Kuroo's POV

"What a cute girl she is, Tetsu. I'm so glad you've found her. And now that you've got her, you better. Not. Let. Go." She says, slapping me on the arm with each word of her last sentence.

What is it with women and slapping me?

"Ok, ok, I know mum, I won't stuff this up. I promise," I respond, smiling at her.

"Ok, well, I'm staying over at Kenma's house. Ah, no objections. You've already got your hands full, and I don't want to be in the way of young love. Plus, I'd rather listen to Kenma's midnight streams than you two in the middle of the night," she says, not accepting my objections and giving me a knowing look. My face warms to what she's insinuating, and I mutter a quick, "it's not like that," as I duck my head into Y/n's shoulder.

By this time the boys have all left, Kenma's downstairs waiting in his car for his mum to come, but she insisted on staying back for a few minutes to talk to me.

Y/n fell asleep a while ago now, still nestled on my lap, her head on my shoulder and her figure keeping me warm.

"I know exactly how it is, my darling. I've seen how you two act, pretending to be in a relationship just so we don't ask any uncomfortable questions. I won't meddle in your life, I never did, Tetsuro. But I will give you advice I expect you to consider. Don't let her go. Neither of you were pretending about your feelings towards each other, let me tell you that much." She says, knowingly looking at me.

I look up in alarm, which quickly morphs into a nervous laugh. She's good, I'll give her that much.

But, can Y/n really mirror my feelings?

"Ok darling, better not leave Kenma waiting any longer. I'll visit again tomorrow, or you can come over to Kenma's, whichever you prefer as long as she comes along too. I want to get to know my future daughter-in-law better!!"

With that, the woman who took me in and treated me like her own left my home.

I look down at my roommate, taking in the way her lashes are long enough to brush against her face, the way her brows are just a tad bit asymmetrical, the stroke of her nose and the bend of her cupid's bow.

I can't help but bring my hand up to caress the side of her face, content to stay here forever.

Mum would've loved her.

This thought broke the dam that held back my tears since middle school, and as they fell down my face I couldn't help but think of my own mother, coming in and hugging her, making her famous pie that I can't remember the taste of anymore. A sob racks my figure and I all of a sudden find a pair of e/c eyes staring up at me, my tears having dampened some parts of her face.

Wordlessly, she straightens herself and wraps her arms around my neck, running her fingers through the back of my head, stroking down towards my nape and up again. I cry into her shoulder, tears that I've bottled up, emotions I've ignored because I've had my dad, my grandparents and the Kozume's. Later, I even had the team, and they all followed me to the racing gig, a place where I can express my emotions through the reckless driving that could claim my life any second. I should have been grateful. Instead, the pain of her absence never ceased.

I clutch the back of her sweatshirt as I cry and cry and cry, eventually tiring myself out and running out of tears.

With dry sobs still racking my body every few minutes, she finally leans back, cupping my face in her gentle hands.

"What's the matter, Kuroo?" She whispers, looking up at me with tears shining in her own eyes. "You can tell me anything, or you can say nothing at all. Either way, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you," she says, touching her forehead to mine and closing her eyes. She stays here for a moment before moving to get up and drag me up too.

"Come on, let's get you into your pjs and into bed. It's getting late."

---

Your POV

Now in his usual shorts and singlet, I drag him to his massive bed, opening the neatly made bed and gently sit him down.

His hazel eyes follow me as I go to close the curtains, his lashes still wet from the countless tears he shed, his body still hiccupping with dry sobs.

Once I've put his blankets around him, I go to leave, muttering a goodnight as I leave.

"Y/n," I hear before I close the door. I peek my head in, "please stay."

Without a pause to think about his request, and already in my own pyjamas, I go next to him and crawl into his open arm as if I've been doing it every night, snuggling into his shoulder once more and wrapping my arm around his chest.

After a few moments of silence, he begins to speak in a raspy tone, "she's not my real mum. She's Kenma's mum, and I've... I've called her mum since I was around 7," he takes a deep breath before continuing. "I moved in with my dad and grandparents next door to the Kozumes when I was 6. I was nervous and shy back then. You wouldn't even recognise me because of the 180 turn my personality's taken. Kenma was even more social than I was. He was my first friend, and when I got him into volleyball and we met Coach Nekomata. That man inspired me to be the man I am today, and was the main reason why I joined the volleyball team in high school, and made friends with the guys. He did what my mum should've, supported me and gave me the confidence to live my life," he says, his voice cracking with the last word. I hug him tighter, knowing not to say anything as of yet.

"I just wish... I wish she didn't go. I wish she could've met you, Y/n. She would've loved you even more than Kenma's mum does," he confesses with a chuckle, sniffling and turning towards me to look me in the eyes.

"She would've seen the way I was around you. The different man I become. You make me a better person, Y/n. I find myself wanting to be better for you. I could never thank you enough for that. Please, never leave. Just stay with me, and I'll always be here for you," he says, repeating the same words I said to him earlier.

I can't help the smile from taking over my features and I lean in to kiss his nose, his eyes, his cheeks and finally I press my lips against his, something I have been wanting to do for a very long time.

"I will, Kuroo Tetsuro. I'll always stay with you."

A/n: So, I don't actually know if his mum passed away or if she left them, so I kind of just,, did both ?

Taglist: @3daa & @itsgiorgiaz

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

[aquamoonchaii]

CHEERS TO US >> JUYEON

⍣ genre: fluff; slice of life; comfort!au

⍣ warnings: none

⍣ pairing: juyeon x reader

⍣ word count: 2.7k

⍣ collab: This is for the collab Summer Love - The Boyz from lovie @bangchan-fairy

⍣ charlie’s notes: juyeon is here! i did a comfort au so you guys can read it to feel better always uwu, this lovely banner was made by the precious @halliney

⍣ summary: juyeon needs to talk to someone, you appear with a glass of wine ready to make his life a little better.

This was his second night in this bar, he would never have expected himself to be alone in a small town drinking beer with snacks on a friday night. But he was desperate and he had to do something, his mind needed to relax.

He has a beer in his hand as he smiles back at the pretty ladies that pass by his table and look at him with desire and interest. JuYeon likes the attention but turns down any invitation to go to another table or even to hotel rooms, he already has a target and is not interested in anyone else.

At least tonight.

Because his target is special, he wouldn't be able to talk about this to the other girls.

Usually summer vacations are all about relaxing after the hard work of a whole year, thinking about all the goals he has reached and the new goals he wants to set for himself. But not this time, he gulps down all the beer and sighs.

JuYeon feels trapped in some kind of existential crisis thinking about if what he is doing is correct and if his life is turning out the way he wanted. Usual stuff that makes young people think a lot.

He is just here waiting for the girl that said would be here around the same time as yesterday, where she literally just came to take care of a drunk friend who was heartbroken. He wasn’t heartbroken but her words certainly had some healing effect on him and he seemed really anxious to talk to her or...

...to anyone really. He is used to being the one who is reliable and the man all his friends go to have some type of advice or comforting words. And being him the friend in need? Hell no.

The irony on him not being able to ask for help or even having the strenght to let out all his weak thoughts is stupid and makes him smile bitterly against his beer. He wonders what the hell he is actually doing here, maybe he is desperate for some comforting words coming from a wise stranger.

“Are you really drowning in alcohol for a woman that cheated on you, idiot?” It was late and the only thing he could hear was the voice of the girl that just entered the bar, she waved at the bartender and he finally noticed the loud sobbing of the wasted man that was two tables apart from him, his whining was part of the whole mood of the bar so JuYeon didn’t even pay attention to the scandal, his own problems were loud enough in his head. He turned his attention to them when the crazy wasted man hiccups and finally shuts up, not even the bartender or the other drunken friends of his could do it. The scene was pretty unforgettable: a tall strong drunk man that was pretty aggressive when someone asked him to lower his voice while sitting down holding a glass of vodka is now hugging the waist of the woman that just called him an idiot. But your next words made his mind explode, he wonders if he is as drunk as the crying guy there.

“If you want to scream, do it to let go, cheer yourself up and move on, don’t just drink and act like an asshole with people.”

Random but effective words. He expects her to mock the man there, instead she hugs him back and pets his hair and talks with a gentle voice but it also sounded strong. JuYeon found her words weird and comforting even if they weren't directed to him or even to anyone to hear he was just close to them and it was pretty late so there was little noise and he could eavesdrop. “Let’s go, you can cry at my house. I won’t look, I promise~ Then we will be sober, you are going to write down all your happy feelings, smile at them and that’s it. The other paper with all the bad feelings is going to be burnt and we are going to kick ass, ok?”

She didn’t make a fuss of it, the woman just petted his friend’s hair until he calmed down and probably passed out when the bartender came to her. “Y/N! You are the drunk whisperer, that was awesome! Why don’t we put him to bed, he can stay the night up in my room and you have some snacks here? I haven’t seen you in weeks!”

“I would love to have a snack from my favorite bartender but the taxi is waiting for me to let my drunk one at home, I promise I will come tomorrow at this exact time. I’ll eat like crazy I promise!”

JuYeon came here at the exact same hour.

He isn’t sure why he came because he didn’t know anyone or had planned anything really, he just hopes you read his mind and approach him to talk about your weird speech that made him feel good for no reason. Or something like that at least.

So when you appear, he notices something.

He is completely sober tonight and doesn’t know what to do to approach you. You are a pretty woman indeed but you intimidate him for some awkward reason. He feels like an idiot but it feels like you are going to read him like a book after looking him in the eyes. So JuYeon stands up and goes to the restroom to gain courage, he will do what he knows best: being a charming perfect boy.

A bit of flirting, maybe a date. That’s all he needs to have a little conversation with you.

"Jacob, can you please stop staring at the random guy? Is he that good looking? Your eyes are glued to him." You laugh as you eat the snacks your friend put on the bar for you to eat as you chat about a whole month of not seeing each other.

"Dude, this guy comes and kills all the ladies. But he is looking at your way too much, I own this place~ He wants something and I will not offer you as a tribute." Jacob follows the tall man's steps with his gaze, he stops when he sees his figure disappear in the restroom. His face is recognizable because well, he is quite handsome for the girls that asked a lot for him that came only yesterday and Jacob just said he is a regular to gain a few more female clients. Actually, he never saw him before and it's a big no for you to even look at his direction.

"Ok but stop staring and what makes you think I'll agree to something? I just want to have this awesome glass of wine as I talk to you about our Sunwoo and his broken heart." He laughs as he wipes the glasses that were recently washed. "I want to slap some sense back to him."

"He needs some time. Let's just be patient with his wailing at least this week, he needs to let it all out." There is this untold secret that only Jacob knows too: your feelings for the guy you took home drunk last night were strong and you decided to let Sunwoo go so your heart was also healing, it was a slow and silent process that was shut by a glass of bitter wine. You would always drink a glass of wine when your feelings were out of control as Sunwoo falls hard and easily and suffers too because of girls.

"Is this your last glass of wine?"

"Of the bitter one, yes. My heart and my liver are all good now, I'll take sweeter things this time." Jacob smiles and nods, he understands and pats your head. A client comes in and he excuses himself to go attend them.

"Is this seat taken?" JuYeon asks and when you look at him, he shows his biggest smile. You pat the seat next to him. "My ego usually needs an extra seat but I guess you can take it." He seems taken aback for the quick answer but he quickly smirks triumphantly and sits next to you. You've met him before but apparently he doesn't remember you.

"May I offer you a drink?"

"No, because this is my last glass of alcohol but we can share snacks as you seem lonely." JuYeon must feel like a champ because he sticks his tongue out sexily and nods, grabbing a toothpick that holds a little cube of cheese on your plate and eats it. "You don't remember me?"

"Is that a pick up line? Because I'm trying to think of one that will make you swoon."

"So you don't." You see JuYeon’s mind wandering at your smirk and trying to read something in your eyes.

It was indeed unexpected a target to flirt back or to be this mysterious because- Wait.

Holy crap.

You caress SunWoo's hair as he blacks out completely on his bed. Of course you feel bad for him, you treasure him a lot but your heart is finally at peace, you’ll be there to pick up the pieces of his oftenly broken heart but yours who used to suffer in silence is okay now. You let him go just as you kept your crush on him. In a blissful secret.

"I'll be right here for you. And I'm voicing out this because it's over and you are half-dead. I liked you so much it's crazy how I could keep it to myself. My crush on you is over and it was beautiful for me and our friendship stays strong as always." You smile at his passed out figure and make him company until his cousin appears to take care of him and calls a taxi for you. The taxi will wait for you in the convenience store as you wanted to buy some things, it’s pretty late but this small town is safe, or at least this neighborhood is.

"I'll have these cereal boxes and these snacks please."

"Is SunWoo still sad for that bad ex- girlfriend? He used to come here and buy her favorite snacks all happily until yesterday when he just bought beers with swollen eyes. We talked for a bit as his first question was why women were so unfaithful."

"Oh really? He came crying? Oh dear, this guy… Yeah, he is a sad single person now. Hopefully, he will cheer up quickly as always. He is now half-dead so he won’t feel any pain." The old lady who attends there knows you because you hang out a lot with Sunwoo and Jacob who lives nearby too. She nods and laughs until he stares over your shoulder.

"Me! Me! I want snacks too! I'm lonely, we can share them!" A man behind you makes you startle with his loud voice as you are paying your stuff, you turn around and find the cute man you saw at Jacob's bar. He is more than tipsy, his cheeks are red and he has droopy eyelids. "I heard you talk to the crybaby~ Talk to me too!"

"Young man, you are drunk. Go to your house!" The lady explains she saw him coming with luggage and he is staying at the house in front of your sad friend. He is pretty quiet and always arrives at the store early with hangovers asking for ramen, she points out he is indeed a gentleman and he must be here for summer vacations so party nights must be his thing or something.

"I'm not a young man, I'm JuYeon sweet lady. I wonder where my money went, my whole wallet disappeared just like my motivation to do stuff." He huffs and you laugh sharing one of your snacks. “Is this for me? You are so sweet, can you be my life mentor? I’ll treat you well I swear!” The store lady laughs at the cute behavior the drunk handsome man has and hushes you as she sees your taxi at the entry. “Wait! Don’t go, I’m trying to propose, drunk whisperer!”

JuYeon’s seductive mood dissipates with the beer foam in his glass. He wonders how the blackout and don’t remembering a single thing after getting drunk should have its negative side. Like this moment, he feels so embarrassed but of course, his stoic face remains the same.

“Oh God, this is so embarrassing. I can’t even pretend I don’t remember stealing your snack, can I?” You shake your head and clink your glass of wine with his glass of beer. “Well, I guess I should use my drunk self to start a conversation.”

And he did, JuYeon initially tried to start a casual little conversation to ask about you and stuff but he ended up spilling about why he is in a small town searching for some peace but apparently it’s his mind the chaotic one instead of the city and its loudness. When he started speaking about it, there’s this feeling of a really heavy load slowly leaving his shoulders and maybe he understands now the american movies that use this plot about talking about your problems with a stranger. He felt relieved, JuYeon is the kind of guy that seems impassive at everything around him and he is praised a lot because of his drive and his determination of not give a single fuck.

But he cares. He notices everything around him. And feeling like he could appear vulnerable sounds awful, just thinking about it makes him regret even approaching you. JuYeon suddenly falls silent, half studying your reactions and half awkwardly shutting up because this was too much information.

"Sometimes a lot of thoughts just turn in a big skein. It's okay to feel weird about it too." You said emphatically (or at least that's his conclusion as you don't mock or roll your eyes), he can't help but stare at you. He was right all these hours thinking about you and your words, his drunk self was right too. You can be a life mentor. The conversation ends when Jacob introduces himself and says he is going to close the bar and that if JuYeon is even trying to talk more with you, he needs to promise he will let Jacob chop his head off if he does something inappropriate.

"Date me."

“No?”

“No, why would I?” This is the fourth night of a long conversation about life and deep topics he thought no one would want to talk about, JuYeon forgot about seduction tips after the second night of just one beer and lots of good talking. He feels comfortable and his mind thinks less of his apparent poor self worth and he now feels encouraged. “If you feel happy singing and being a performer, why are you doubting?”

Good question.

He wants to date you.

It’s kind of impulsive coming from him and basically you two are already hanging out meeting in Jacob’s bar every night. He wasn’t expecting you to say no that easily, it’s shocking and honestly sexy, his ego feels slapped too.

“What?”

“Yeah, we clearly have a mental connection and yes, you are pretty attractive” You say like it's pretty obvious. "But why would I date you?"

"Because… I don't want to eat alone?"

"...and?"

"And I am kind of attracted to you and your amazing brain?"

"...and?"

"Because I feel like you are pretty as fuck and also a friend I will treasure a lot and I will probably scream because I don't know if Jacob is your friend or your boyfriend?"

"What?" You laugh at his sudden confession and at his reaction that seems pretty surprised at his own words. "Well, that kind of convinced me."

"You always make me talk, it's embarrassing and really interesting. How am I supposed to meet another person like you- Wait, I convinced you?" You nod and feel your cheeks heating up as he stares at you and laughs happily.

You can be a life mentor and he will protect you from everything. Maybe you could be a couple.

© aquamoonchaii. all rights reserved

taglist:

@halliney @bangchan-fairy @kpopsnowball @melonmochimoon @prettyjaems @soleilsuhh @haifengg @purplepsycho03

[suganovakawa]

𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐄 .

PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader , slight hajime iwaizumi x fem! reader

GENRE : angst , romance

WARNINGS : cursing , car accident , recovery from amnesia

SYNOPSIS : tooru doesn’t understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗 < [ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐗 ] > 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐈𝐈

if he really wanted to, tooru could tell you everything right here and now.

word count : 2k

saudade masterlist .

SAUDADE

( 𝐧 . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; “ the love that remains ”

⠀his knee wasn't the reason why he started crying on the gym floor. screw his knee for all he cared, tooru had dealt with his injury time and time again, a shot of pain through his bad knee hardly fazed him nowadays. nothing he couldn't just walk off.

⠀any resolve he had, his emotions couldn't be contained the moment you entered the gym. the pain he felt was unlike anything he had experienced before, clenching his jaw in futile attempts to suppress his gushing tears, his vision obscured and his ears focused solely on your soothing voice. he was too ashamed to talk amidst his breakdown, letting you do all the work and talking as he sat there, helpless. he didn't have it in him to dare explain himself.

⠀nothing hurt more to oikawa than watching you take care of him. even after your car accident, your amnesia, everything you've been through since then; you were still stubborn enough to take care of him first. the third year wiped his face, trying to collect himself as he watched you panic over his knee. his breath caught in his throat as he watched you gently place your hand where the brace was, as if afraid to injure him even more.

⠀"i'm fine," he whispered hoarsely, his voice drowned out by the remains of his early breakdown. "you can go, i'll be okay. you don't need to be here."

⠀even now, he was pushing you away - but your stubbornness remained. "but your knee," you urged, shaking your head as his words only seemed to pull you closer to him. tooru had never felt so claustrophobic in an open gym in his life. "please, you hurt yourself and it's my fault. the least i can do is get you something."

⠀you hardly even knew him. you had no recollection of him, withheld absolutely no memories - and yet you were as adamant as ever in wanting to care for his well being. he clenched his jaw at your words; he was beyond undeserving of your kindness from the start, yet you always kept finding your way back to him. he was nothing but a bad luck charm to you, but every single damn time you came back. tooru didn't know if you were stupid, or the universe just wanted to mock him for how he treated you before.

⠀he had only started getting back to practice for two days, only for his motivation to run down the drain the moment you waltzed into the seijoh gym by chance. even now, everything was coming back to him - he felt sick to the stomach. you were still fussing over his knee, almost cradling him as you looked around for anything that would get him off the ground. he was so distracted in his own thoughts that he never realized the pain in his knee never subsided.

⠀"there's a chair over there." giving into your relentless persuasion, he pointed to a folded chair not too far from the doors. "if you really want to help, getting me off this floor would be a good place to start."

⠀"got it!" no sooner had he finished his sentence, you were already off your feet, sprinting to retrieve the chair without a second thought. he watched you take the foldable chair and drag it back to him under your arm, focused completely on returning back to him as quickly as possible.

⠀something didn't feel right. his knee hurt much more than usual. while he became accustomed and numb to it, pain is pain. he tried to reach out and help you unfold the chair but you swatted his hand away, shaking your head as you flattened the seat for him to sit on. his breathing was ragged, fresh from his tears.

⠀your hand extended for him as support. after a moment's hesitation, he reached out and placed his hand in yours, the contact foreign as you managed to stand your ground for him. he pulled himself off the ground, clenching his jaw as he plopped all of his weight onto the chair the moment he hovered over the seat. he kept his right leg stretched out, to not bend or put any stress on his knee.

⠀before anything else could be said, you left him again, only to return with another chair for his leg. tooru watched silently as you took a deep breath, gently taking hold of his leg and lifting it onto the chair to elevate his injured knee. the male felt his heart race; how did you know to do this? the way you took control of the situation so effortlessly, it put him at a loss of words. anytime this happens, he usually has to tell people step-by-step to get his knee properly taken of.

⠀but you. you were always the exception, even now. what could the captain possibly say to you now? he watched warily as you simply sat down on the ground right next to him, looking comfortable where you were. the silent that soon passed between the two of you was deafening; you were right here. literally sitting here, you came to him. he didn't have to search for you. everything he wanted to say, everything he wanted to explain was overwhelming his tongue. but nothing came out; oikawa was a coward.

⠀"do you need me to do anything for you?" he was alarmed that you spoke up first, your face confused as your eyes met his. "should i call someone? do you want me to grab your bag? do you need help outside?"

⠀"no." out of force of habit he quickly snapped back, only for him to clear his throat with a cough and shook his head quickly. "no, but thank you. usually the pain subsides in a little bit. i'll be able to call for a ride home once the pain becomes manageable."

⠀"are you sure? i can call hajime, i'm sure he wouldn't mind - "

⠀"please, do not contact iwaizumi." hearing his name out of your mouth nauseated him to the stomach. "why isn't he with you anyway? aren't you two always together?"

⠀you seemed embarrassed at the fact that he knew as well. tooru hid a scoff; only an idiot wouldn't be able to see how he followed you like a lovesick puppy. "yeah, i get that a lot." he was taken aback by your tone - you sounded annoyed. "actually i... i asked him to leave me alone today. he's left me alone since lunch. i thought it'd be harder to get him off of me, but he never argued."

⠀did something happen between the two of you? the brunet third year couldn't decide whether he should be concerned or relieved; his face remained neutral, but this was certainly news to him. "why did you ask him to stay away from you? don't you... enjoy his company?" he spat words out like venom in his system, pausing for a second before sighing quietly. "i'm sorry, i don't mean to pry. you don't have to answer."

⠀"no, it's alright." you laughed - a sound tooru hadn't experienced in much too long. goosebumps travelled through every inch of his body as you shook your head. "truth be told, i just wanted to be alone for the day. i also..." your voice drifted off, looking down at your lap as you spoke up again as a whisper. "i've been wanting answers to my empty memories."

⠀and just like that, an invisible force punched tooru deep in the gut, his hands visibly going to his abdomen and wrapping his arms around himself hastily. "your memories, huh?' was all he bring himself to respond with.

⠀"i'm sure you've heard about what happened to me, with the car accident and the amnesia that followed."

⠀oikawa's back stiffened. "believe me, i know all too well."

⠀"i hope you don't mind me just ranting to you," you pursed your lips and hugged your own knees together on the ground, resting your chin atop your kneecaps. "but hajime hasn't told me a thing about my car accident, and it's been getting to my head. he'll tell me vague things before the accident, but never about the accident itself. i just want to know, i want to remember everything myself." looking up at your fellow third you, your head tilted. "wouldn't you want to know?"

⠀this was what iwaizumi was freaking about? tooru had heard of his skirmish with makki and mattsun, but because he wasn't on speaking terms with any of them, he couldn't go up and ask them for confirmation. he was almost angry - who was iwaizumi to keep your life locked away from you? it was the perfect chance to throw tooru under the bus, but he never took it. why?

⠀"i... would want to know, too." he hated where this conversation was going, but he had no way out of it. he wanted the subject change so badly, but it was coming to a point where it would be suspicious to do so. he wasn't ready. he wasn't ready to face his demons and confront you about the situation. if it was going the way oikawa was imagining it to be, you knew nothing about him. and you were assuming he knew nothing about you, either.

⠀"it's been frustrating. weeks have gone by at this point, and i don't remember a thing. i just want to remember something, anything from what happened."

⠀it was all coming back to oikawa, that dreadful day. the loss against karasuno, the words that hurt you, and the way your unconscious body was in iwaizumi's arms as he told his former captain to never step foot near you again. tooru did good in doing that, as he deserved to never be forgiven for what his immaturity caused - but you made your way back to him time and time again. he didn't know what to make of it, and it drove him crazy.

⠀"i'm sorry, you probably have no idea what i'm talking about." he watched as you stood up, dusting your uniform off as you crossed your arms loosely. "just the ramblings of a little girl, nothing special. thanks for letting me rant, though." you looked down at his knee before locking eyes with tooru once more. "do you need anything before i go? it's getting pretty late."

⠀"i'll be fine. i think i'll get up and get my things in just a few moments. thank you for helping me." to prove his point, he removed his leg from the chair and slowly bent his knee to sit up more. the sting was there, but it was manageable.

⠀"alright." awkward silence ensued, before you bowed quickly. "anyways, sorry for distracting you again, oikawa. see you tomorrow." you turned around and began walking out of the gym, since there was nothing else you could say to keep the conversation going.

⠀"wait!" he stood up, walking fairly slow to catch up to you, which you had already turned around confusedly from the urgency in his voice. you remained silent as he stood right in front of you, hardly any space separating the two of you as he struggled to find the right words to say. "whatever iwaizumi has told you or not," he said quietly, "what i can tell you is that now and before your accident, you're a wonderful person." he swallowed a lump in his throat. "and anyone who ever treats you like shit... doesn't deserve to have you in their life."

⠀mixed feeling arose as he noticed the faint blush color your cheeks subtly, backing up from you after finishing what he wanted to say. "it's not much," he muttered, "but i wanted you to know."

⠀"thank you, oikawa." you nodded your head and smiled. you had an unreadable thought in your eyes as tooru acknowledged your gratitude with a nod of his own, before watching you walk out of the gym rather hastily.

⠀just like that, he had let you slip out of his grasp again.

⠀he waited for you to exit the school before breaking down again in self pity, sliding down against the gym wall and biting his lip quite stubbornly to avoid yelling out in agony.

⠀"anyone who ever treats you like shit," he whispered, "doesn't deserve to have you in their life."

a/n : too dramatic? probably KFKSKFKMD

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[aot-snk-4238]

My thoughts on AOT No Requiem (Fanmade Ending) Part 1:

With another chapter of this story coming out soon, I thought now would be a good time to share my thoughts on the first part. Before I do that, though, I have a few things that I would like to get off my chest.

A part of me hates that this project exists. Not because I find it disrespectful, but because it serves as a bitter reminder of what a complete mess this ending caused among many fans. I'm still in disbelief how things got so bad so quickly. First, you've got the people who hated it. People began turning on Isayama and calling him a terrible or incompetent writer, regretting ever getting into the series, insisting that it was worse than Game of Thrones, the list goes on and on. People who liked the ending are now endlessly referred to as "ending defenders" or more crude names like "Isayama cockriders," as though they're a bunch of incompetent fools who don't know the first thing about reading comprehension all because they just happened to like it. And then of course you've got the other extreme end of the spectrum where the ones who were disappointed are accused of not understanding the story or they're only upset because their favorite ship or fan theory didn't become canon. This, too, is very demeaning and invalidating for those who grew up with this series that they gave their heart to and cherished for so long, only to have it do what they felt was a complete 180 at the very last second that undid every part of the story they thought was special and unique. It's one of the hardest slaps to the face you can get as a reader and long-time fan, and while I can't fully relate to everyone's feelings, I can at least understand and acknowledge that it's there and it shouldn't be laughed at. Now with all of that out of the way, here are my thoughts and analysis of this fanmade ending and how it differs from Isayama's.

To start things off, I found that part 1 started off similar to how 137 did in the canon manga, with Armin and Zeke conversing in PATHS. The biggest difference would be kid Eren being transported there and seeing his older self. To be fair though, this chapter was only about half the length of what we're used to reading, so I'm sure we'll get a lot more in part 2 onwards.

While Zeke is enlightening Armin on the history of the earth and how the life form that attached itself to Ymir sought to avoid death forever, young Eren is in PATHS too with his older self, witnessing the moment Ymir found the tree and fell in it to become the first titan. At first, there is no dialogue exchanged between them. They just hold hands and watch. Meanwhile, Zeke is still talking to Armin about Ymir and how she continued to serve her oppressive master despite acquiring godlike powers that would allow her to obliterate him whenever she pleased. This is where the team working on this project attempt to provide their own alternate possibilities as to why this happened in a way that would make more sense than what we were given in the canon story in which she simply had a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome and couldn't let him go no matter how much he made her suffer.

So what are these new possibilities? They come in the form of a question, so their validity is not made absolutely certain, but they're presented as the most likely candidates nonetheless.

According to Zeke, she was unable to separate her own desires from King Fritz and was a lost girl who sought meaning. A place to belong. Tragically, King Fritz was the only connection she had in her life, so she clung to it with everything she had despite it being toxic and abusive. I could argue that these are the very reasons why she supposedly loved the king in the official manga, as explained by Eren in 139, but they weren't explained or touched on as plainly as they were here. I feel like they could have been if Isayama had just been given more time, but sadly the whole thing was rushed and underdeveloped.

Moving on, Zeke states that despite his efforts in trying to understand Ymir and her feelings, it was Eren who ultimately was able to get to her and offer her the choice of freedom. The next page transitions to young Eren standing in the clouds with his arms spread out and a smile on his face just like in the official 137, only this time 19yo Eren is next to him. Now I'm going to be honest here, this is where things started to get a little corny for me. Yeah. I know a lot of people hate that argument, but that's just how it felt to me. And before I say anything else, I want everybody to know that I am in no way about to mock anyone's fondness of this Eren over the one we saw in 139, even if it was a little over-the-top. It's perfectly fine to prefer one over the other, I'm just going to try to explain myself the best I can without coming across as harsh or unprofessional.

Eren is drawn in these panels to be a stone-faced, determined and unstoppable force who will "keep moving forward until his enemies are destroyed." This is the Eren that many people grew most familiar with throughout the series, despite his occasional breakdowns, but something about the way it was executed just felt a little too overdramatic and exaggerated. For me, the contrast between this Eren and the Eren we were presented with in 139 is too jarring. It came across to me as the fandom's idealized version of Eren, the "chad" Eren if you will, rather than Isayama's portrayal of Eren who is cold and determined, but has also been experiencing stunted mental growth ever since the day he saw his mother get eaten; side note: I know that Eren himself was responsible for his mother's death, but that's a discussion for a later time. Not only that, but the "keep moving forward" line starts to get overused at this point. We already heard Eren say this a number of times before 137 where this first fanmade chapter takes place, so I didn't find it necessary to include that at the end, but it seemed to be the writers' way of trying to reinforce Eren's ultimate goal.

Regarding the rest of the chapter, young Eren asks older Eren what Ymir is still waiting for after he showed her that she's not alone. 19yo Eren proceeds to explain that while he was able to make her feel something again, she still needs somebody to free her. He shows his younger self all of the visions from PATHS that he's seen so far, ranging from past events to alternate realities to things that couldn't be changed no matter what. Now there is only one path left that he strives toward. The one that he believes will grant him and his people freedom. This next line is the one that stood out to me the most throughout this fanmade chapter. Still talking to kid Eren, adult Eren says, "When you wake up, you will forget what you learned, but not what you felt here. This will all feel just like a long dream." Only when he kisses Historia's hand will it all come back to him. This line more clearly explains why Eren woke up crying in chapter 1, but couldn't remember why. Then he circles back to how he intends to carry out his own plan to end the cycle of hatred once and for all. Despite his efforts along the way, he couldn't change the flow of PATHS and save the friends he lost or prevent certain events from happening altogether, so he had to accept that sacrifices had to be made. In this case, he will have to literally sacrifice the world, much to Armin's horror.

To wrap this up, I'm going to finish comparing this to the canon 137, but since the first part of this project only covers the PATHS portion of it, that's where I'll stop as well. To save a little but of time, I'm just gonna be lazy and copy the first part of a quick overview of the chapter I found as part of the wiki:

So clearly, canon 137 starts off focusing a lot more on Armin and Zeke's differing philosophies and does not provide any further insight into Eren's ultimate motives like this one does, at least not yet. Armin and Eren are bound to face off soon in this fanmade version, but it looks to me like this time the writers are planning on flipping the outcome and having Eren come out victorious instead, especially when I remember the name of this project and what it's based on. I guess that means that in a way, I already know what's ultimately going to happen throughout the rest of this project. Whether it's going to be considered superior to the actual ending is going to depend on if its executed properly. I could very well be wrong about some of this, though. I want to give it a fair shot since these people have clearly put a lot of hard work and passion into this, so I will refrain from further judgement until we get the full picture. On a side note, I just want to say that the artwork is beautiful so far and I commend every artist responsible for their efforts. I also liked the song choice at the beginning and thought it set the mood pretty well.

Thank you to everyone who read the whole thing. This took me far longer to write than it should have because I'm not always good at expressing myself in a way that does not come across as confusing or contradictory. I will continue to share my thoughts as more content is released, which by the looks of it could be any day now.

[scarfacemarston]

Hello, just seen your post about the holidays season.

If it’s any consolation, im in a similar situation— it brings me so much anxiety and helplessness due to my mental illness and the environment is not safe for me but i have no choice. I just want to stay that i support you from the shadow, feeling what you feel about it, and loving you anonymously (im too shy to post with my acc)

I love your blog, you always do a great job, i hope you’ll continue to entertain us, lots of love, be well ❤️

First of all - thank you and everyone else for the lovely post. I feel guilty that I am just now getting to them. It isn't that I haven't wanted to! I've been feeling guilty that I ask for people to send me stuff and then I don't reply for a while. It's been exhausting here existing let alone putting up with the shit I do. I understand the environmental issue. So many people say "Well why don't you move?" not understanding how insensitive and privileged that is. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Stay strong. I know it's not easy. It's okay to be shy so no judgement here! TW Abelism and emotional abuse. Talking about my experience. Put under the keep reading section. For anyone - read at your risk.

I was talking about how humiliating it is as someone who is about to turn 27 that I can't drive. This is a safety and legal thing because I do not want to harm anyone while driving if I have a seizure. I could literally kill myself or someone else.

My family knows this very well but my mother throws it in my face. "Well, why don't you just drive? Oh, I think you're too scared to. You'll be fine. It's not that far" - um. No? This is after I was talking about how humiliating it is for me to ask my father to sometimes drive me because I DONT want to burden him because he has his own life. "You're father is getting old and is weak. I don't know about you, but I love him and I'm not going to let you do this." ---This is why I pay extreme amounts of money to get things delivered so I don't have to burden anyone. Second of all, asking to go to the store once every two to three weeks. (And asking very nicely never demanding -) is apparently me not caring about my father. She always says "It's your fault if you give him a heart attack".

My father was perfectly fine taking me and was bored as hell because mother has forbidden him to do most things outside of a few errands for himself. Getting into fights so nasty over the stupidest things like Christmas cookies. Legit fights. I'm the youngest in the house at 26. (Yes, I know, I need to move but it's very expensive to move out where I live.)

Giving me the silent treatment when I call her out for her behavior - that or cries when I dare try to set up boundaries. (As guided by a therapist) Then gives the silent treatment to my FATHER who literally didn't do a thing.

Another example of her shit: I accidentally got very sick while traveling over something stupid I did - it wasn't deadly and it was nothing illegal. Just something that didn't agree with my system and was outside of the "norm" for our household. She told me that I'm lucky she didn't tell the whole family.

When she fucks up, instead of apologizing - she buys things - none of which I ask for and all junk - gets angry when I'm not "grateful" enough.

My father is a very strong man. Very stoic and stubborn, but a genuinely sweet man. He is the one who had TB twice. HOWEVER, it was a DIFFERENT kind than what Arthur had. She has nearly made my father cry multiple times in the past few months and after I invited him to a therapy session - my therapist straight up told my father she's abusive. He was understandably in denial - but now he admits it. "She makes me feel like I'm a bad man". - my dad after cleaning something in a way she doesn't like. And yet doesn't understand why he's depressed.

Mother and I fight nonstop about every fucking thing because I try so damn hard to put up boundaries but she mocks me and insults me every time. It's hard enough the rest of the year, but the holidays are the worst because she wants a "Hallmark" Christmas and that isn't achievable because it's fake. It doesn't exist. These are just a few reasons why it's been so rough.