#if i lose this site i will self destruct

[theprincipleofescalation]

I can't be the only one frantically scrolling through my AO3 bookmarks and downloading any and every fic I can't live without right? This is totally reasonable behavior hahahhahahaaaaaaaaahahhhhh!!!!

[corvennite]

fighting, kissing and making up

(𝗉𝗂𝗍𝖿𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝖾𝗋!𝖵𝗂 𝗑 𝖿𝖾𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋) - 𝗆𝖾𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗈𝗋𝗌 𝖽𝗇𝗂

𝖼𝗐: +𝟣𝟪, 𝗈𝗋𝖺𝗅 𝗌𝖾𝗑, 𝗄𝗂𝗇𝖽𝖺 𝗍𝗈𝗑𝗂𝖼 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉, 𝖼𝖺𝗂𝗍𝗅𝗒𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗃𝗂𝗇𝗑 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖻𝗋𝗂𝖾𝖿𝗅𝗒 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖾𝖽, 𝖵𝗂 𝗂𝗌 𝖺 𝖻𝗂𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝖺 𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗂𝗉𝗎𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗈𝗋, 𝗌𝗆𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝖿𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍, 𝗌𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝗈𝖼 𝖵𝗂.

The cheers were loud inside Violet’s head, she could swear there was a tiny little bug inside her ear which couldn’t stop buzzing every time she tried to make sense out of something. Bottles of alcohol around the room, empty and signs of no promises but the clear indication of her own self destruction. Pathethic. That’s what she thought about herself, about you who was now inside her mess apartment trying to fix a stubborn loser like her. The fight was a mess such as the last ones, you saw her losing even if you kinda knew she couldn’t last longer than five minutes standing — not being sober, who could?

She was siting straight on the worn out couch, you tried to make enough space on the center table with your improvised medical kit. God, she smelled like the cheapest shit someone could find inside those alleys. Was the money not being enough to buy a proper whiskey? Probably not. She didn’t seem fit to be proper for nothing. Your hand went to the medication, that for some miracle, it had left inside her house, opening it up and applying a good amount on the wipe, pressing down her lip cut.

“Fuck! It stings.” she hissed, surprising you with a pull.

“Yeah? Bet’ doesn’t hurt so much as get punched around by strangers.”

She stared at you a bit annoyed, rolling her eyes over and looking away. Not enjoying how it was true, being beaten over and over by people she didn’t know for money? What an animal you made out of her?

“You dunno nothing about it…”

“Care to explain then?” you finished with the wipe, putting it down and checking for another injuries around her face. “You don’t look anything but done, doing this won’t get any better.”

“Did you came here to patch me up or to play mom?”

“Both.”

It silenced her for a while, she saw you were done and stood up abruptly. Wouldn’t be long until she would sit back again, not being in the right state of mind to do shit. You and Vi went a bit back, when she was in prison you used to go visit her, getting her a treat or two… you or the candies she enjoyed. Vi was always very closed off, with time she opened up but after she got things going with Caitlyn — crying on your lap and shoulder about the woman, late at night, you decided to back off a little bit. Didn’t seem right. But, you never missed the chance to mock her for like a topsider and she would never miss the chance to mock you, because you went to prison to visit your “husband” but ended up on her cell.

You stood up seeing her going to the bathroom, following her softly not making any noise or sound. She enjoyed being approached quietly, almost as if the feline type was ideal. Her reflection in the mirror was a disaster: black dyed hair, her azure eyes popping better due to the heavy eyeliner and eyeshadow, the bandages over her chest to hold it up, over her hands and waist, her tattoos showing off. Your fingers traced her arms softly, going down to hug her from behind and lean your head against her shoulder.

“What is it, hm? Didn’t like the patch up?”

She chuckled softly, the angered expression not leavening her face.

“Hm, it will do, you’re a good nurse. Unfortunately.”

“I know I am, you always come back when you’re injured.” she tensed under your touch, you tightened the grip.

“Tsk’ I just get back because you don’t charge me, you know how expensive a consultation is?”

“Well, I don’t.”

Vi was easy to tease and annoy, not much needed just getting the right buttons. You did that perfectly, pinching a bit of her sides and sliding off the grasp, moving to lean against the sink counter and staring directly at her.

“But I do know, you’re like this because of that blue haired princess, aren’t you?” your index touched your chin, tapping a little as if thinking. “What was her name again? Cait—“

“Don’t mention her.”

“Why not? Wasn’t her your girlfriend?”

“She’s not— she wasn’t, my girlfriend…”

“I see, you don’t put labels.”

“Mind your business, is the best you can do.”

You looked up at her, a small smirk on your lips is was almost cruel. Mocking her. She knew she shouldn’t let you in again but it was tempting, your fingers traced her hand again, her arm up while getting closer.

“I’m sorry Vi… Was just, you know, trying to get you to open up a bit.” she knew it wasn’t honest, it was mockery for leaving you alone and go back to that spoiled girl. “Can you forgive me?”

Her hands curled against the counter, looking down at you into your eyes, at your fingers down her muscular arms and how it was so easy to fall into your traps. Violet merely pushed you back against the counter with her hips, holding your wrist with her hand and getting closer to your face.

“You think you’re so clever, don’t you? So foxy.” her eyes were narrowed, looking at you while her grip was tighter. “What you want, hm? Came here to ‘patch me up’, what a bullshit.”

“I want you to fucking wake up.”

“I’m well awake.”

“You’re destroying your life.”

“I do whatever I want with my life, I don’t even know why you came back into it.”

“You were the one who left me!”

It wasn’t mean to sound like that, to come out with such a hoarse voice as yours did. Vi’s eyes widened a bit, her grip tightened and she let it go from your wrist, she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to admit her mistakes again, not again and again… she never had this conversation with you because to be honest, she thought you didn’t mind and it didn’t matter. Her eyes looked down, back at you for a moment, you were scared she would scream out for you to leave her alone, to shut your mouth and to say you were saying nonsense.

“I… I didn’t mean it.”

“Bullshit.”

“Is not bullshit, what I was suppose to do I was trying to track down my sis— Jinx.”

“And you didn’t let me help you.”

“How the hell would you help me? I was— we were literally just having something while I was in prison.”

“Yeah, and the only thing that girl went there to know about was how to fucking use you to get what she wanted!”

“She didn’t use me! Stop saying what you don’t know.”

“I’m only telling the truth, if she didn’t use you where is she now? Where the hell is she Violet?”

“Don’t call me that!”

She screamed in your face, it was awful you two couldn’t get past a silly argument. Her eyes were filed with rage, yours widened and almost daring to spill tears. How could she be so blind? Trying to bury a memorial of her own past, trying to deny the mess she had been in these past few weeks. You sighed, nodding and licking her lips.

“You’re drowning yourself because of her, is that now?” you chuckled, almost humorless. “Don’t make me laugh.”

“And you came up to clean my mess, didn’t you?”

“I came to help you, but you’re so hard headed that you can’t accept half of the truth and listen to my feelings.”

“I didn’t ask for your help, fuck, you’re so damn stubborn!”

“And you’re so stupid, you’re so goddamn stupid!”

You wanted to lose control, screaming at her back, almost going towards her. She held your wrists again, knowing you couldn’t compare to her physical force, looking down at your despairing face. Vi didn’t know which one of you both were lost the most. Her eyes squinted, listening to your curses, at how nervous you sounded, gripping your skin tighter and approaching her face closer, breathing in your anger until you stopped and looked up again.

“What?” you asked angered, frowning.

“I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t— I shouldn’t have left you…”

You knew she didn’t mean it, that even if the alcohol was out her system, she wasn’t being honest. The thrill was only for a moment like everything they had, moments. Looking up, you sighed and relaxed against her touch, not tensing up your arms again.

“I… I should’ve be better, more attentive, yeah?” her hands were touching your face, dirty pads caressing the cheeks. “Can you… try to forgive me?”

“Don’t do this.”

“I’m not doing anything, just trying to redeem myself for my mistakes, isn’t that what you want?”

“Violet.”

“I don’t like how my name come out from your mouth…”

Her eyes were squinted, she was too close for comfort maybe but you couldn’t push her away. Who could? Her hands grasped your face tighter, eyes looking down at your lips as you did to hers too. The only thing separating you both was the agonizing tension, the underlying feeling that this wouldn’t work again — fighting, kissing and making up.

“Fuck it.”

It was all you whispered before coming crashing down against her lips, pulling her by the waist closer and closer, her heated body from the stress and earlier fight was comforting. Vi’s hand traveled down to your waist, squeezing it tight, the breath she was holding was exhaled thru her lips against yours with a soft humming. Holding you up, she sat you down the counter, fingers squeezing your skin as if afraid to let it go and connecting it to memory. Tracing up towards your chest and palming thru your breasts like a desperate animal. Hungry. The way she bit your lips when pulling a bit said a lot.

“I missed you.” she whispered against your ear, lips tracing down to the shell and breathing against it. “So much…”

It was intoxicating how she kissed down your jawline, putting your hair aside and leaving soft bites along the nape of your neck, resting her nose against it a bit while her other hand caressed your hip.

“Did you miss me too? Tell me.”

“I… Yes.”

You couldn’t lie to her, it was almost impossible. You could feel the smile she gave against your skin before sucking it, the way her hand unbuttoned your shirt and face went up again kissing you harder this time with teeth crashing and messy tongues. Her hands were calloused, feeling you up thru your thighs and spreading them a bit more, grabbing a full of your ass to get you closer. There was thousand shivers down your spine, the way Vi mouthed your neck again, her hand coming up to tilt your head back and leave a hard bite down your collarbones, grazing teeth forth and back until she finally attacked your skin.

“Ouch, Vi!”

“Heh’ sorry, you’re too tasty…” her nose went down towards the middle of your breasts, biting the blouse hem with her teeth and pulling it up. “I could just eat you up.”

Your belly twisted with a fire inside it, the way she exposed your breast, mouthing your skin again leaving soft licks and bites until she caught one of your nipples inside her mouth. Her azure eyes looked up, she had a needy expression on them, free right hand caressing the other one slowly while her left one searched for your short buttons. The arch of your back was just the right amount for Vi to swirl her tongue harder against you, she made a mess out of herself while licking all the way towards the another one giving it proper attention. Her hands were cruel pulling your hips closer, undoing your bottoms but not quite taking it off fully. She smirked against your skin and fisted her hand inside your shorts, caressing the soft fabric of your panties and straightening her back to look at you better again. Supporting her free forearm against the mirror, on the side of your head.

“She doesn’t compare to you y’know it, right?!” her fingers grazed against where it hurt. “You’re so… much, much better, deliciously better.”

Your eyes avoided her gaze, looking down at where her hand was while the other caressed the side of your hair with a nice touch. Vi’s calloused fingers circled it nicely, the pressure was heavenly.

“You like to watch it, hm? Maybe you´re not so full of yourself now that I got my hands where you wanted." her chuckle was breathy, almost cruel.

Violet knew how to play you like a violin and maybe that was made you come back to her, not the friendship, loyalty now almost broken or how safe she made you feel. No. I wasn´t anything like that, was that feeling now around your body, her fingers pressing hard against your throbbing clit, the way she pushed herself in between your legs and got her hand out of your shorts. She looked at your flushed expression, a soft smile playiing on her lips. Such a tease, you thought. You knew she was a skilled woman, the years in prision had history after all, the way she kissed the valley of your breasts, lips sucking your skin while grazing her teeth against it, trying to take a bite of you. Her tongue pressed against your waist, giving there a strong hickey enough to leave a pretty mark by the morning.

It wasn´t hard for her to get on her knees, taking off your shorts and giving your inner thighs soft kisses, calloused hands caressed the out part of it while pulling you closer to the edge of that counter. Her eyes closed for a moment, nose inhaling your smell until she got closer to the groin. Her mouth opened, sucking with a muffled pop while your panties were still on.

"I like to lick the wrapper too."

"Oh shut— shit!" you felt your thighs trembling, she sucked softly on your clit damping the fabric, saliva mixing with your already coated juices.

Her eys glanced up at you, pulling your panties to the side and staring down at what she wanted so much, you could hear a breathy 'fuck' coming out her mouth before she dived her head down. Vi ate you out like a starved woman, was like she was running out of any kind of supplements for days and nights. Her grip on your skin was so strong to the point of bruising, lifting your legs higher to be supported over her shoulders with your thighs pressing against her cheeks. She didn´t mind breathing, to be honest.

"Violet..." her name was like a prayer on her lips, not even holding yourself straight on that countertop.

She acknowledge you, humming against your core and flickering her tongue against the bundle of nerves. Her back arched as if she wanted to get more of it, her fingers grasped your inner thight harder forcing your legs open. Looking up, she had a nice red flush against her cheeks, messy bangs over her forehead which tickled a little bit of your sensitive skin.

"You ain' getting my fingers," she slurped again, her mouth salivating, "do it on my tongue."

It was enough to make you clench around nothing but, her eyes were more intense, tongue harder and trying to drink any juice coming down from your cunt. Her eyes narrowed, licking ir harder, more pressure where she knew you liked, pressing her hands against your thighs while one of them loosened up a bit to press down your stomach. You let out a squeak, arching your back as you moved your hips against her mouth, looking down at how she was bumping her arched nose against your clit on purpose.

"Fuck, fuckfuckfuck—" your fingers tangled on her hair, moaning and whining while riding out your orgasm on her mouth.

"Fucking pretty..." she whispered against you, caressing your belly to calm you down and trailing kisses back on the inside of your thighs. "Come here, baby."

She stood up again in between your legs, taking your face in between her hands and kissing your lips. Her tongue was slow against yours, making you taste all of yourself mixed with her saliva. Vi smiled and licked your lower lip after biting it, her hands on your hips caressing it while she trailed down kisses on your neck and shoulder.

"Less stressed now, hm?" she whispered, biting a bit of your skin

"Bet."

You rolled your eyes at her, crossing your arms and seeing the way she pulled back to stare better at you. She was about to say something but... a familiar voice caught her attention, she almsor froze hearing it echoing from the door.

"Vi?"

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Hiii can you write a part 2 for this? Maybe like he snaps out of it and realized what happened. And he remembers what reader siad and just angst

Darkness

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x Fem!reader

Word Count: 4.2K

Warnings: Angst, death, blood, mentions of ripped out hearts. Red door Elijah.

Author’s Note: Hey! Look! I'm finally posting something! There's been so many things happening and I'm just glad something is being posted. I'm slowly but surely working on the Make It Angsty Celebration requests. They're coming along with other things as well. I promise. Please note that you NEED to read Demons Within to understand what is going on with this fic. Thank you so much Anon for this request and thank you for participating in the Make it Angsty Celebration.

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

Demons Within || TVDU Masterlist

If there was one thing Elijah learned during his existence it was that magic could have a vice grip upon its target depending on the spell. Hexs sucked the light and life out of the person they were put upon. Immortality had its consequences that proved time and time again that even an original vampire could be bested with the simplest of spells. 

Many forms of magic had been witnessed through the centuries. And while Elijah had his fair share of receiving spells, there was nothing in comparison to the witchcraft his mother had put upon him. Forcing Elijah to completely experience the darkness that laid and waited just beyond the red door locked within his mind. 

Since he had awoken, the moments of darkness would come unexpectedly. The monster that lay dormant for so long was eager to play. To sink his teeth into the beauty that surrounded him. To destroy the glimpses of perfect moments that hid who he truly was. A creature that enjoyed the hunt as a sport and the blood that was tasted was the prize.  

Elijah had been able to keep his darker self at bay many times. Even with his mother’s spell intact, there was always a way to come out of it before he had done something he regretted. One thing was always for certain, his family had remained protected at all times. At least that was until the darkness consumed him. 

The simplest of conversations had triggered the monster within. He and Y/N had been talking about the safety of their family. A plan being put into motion to stop Esther once and for all. But the dormant monster’s interest had been piqued by the blood Elijah’s wife had been cleaning off of her shirt, blood from the last person she pulled a heart from. The clean up triggered the monster that she shouldn’t be hiding who she really was. 

The more Y/N spoke to Elijah about her plan, her eyes had been on the towel in her hand as she wiped the last of the blood off. She had missed the way Elijah was beginning to lose his hold on the present. She had missed the way the darkness was so eager to consume him. And when she finally noticed it, it had been too late. 

The last thing Elijah had remembered was the way Y/N slowly reached her hand up to his face. His name left her lips softly as she attempted to call him back to her.  The same maneuver she had done several times to keep him there with her. But this time it didn't work. It wasn’t long before Elijah had completely lost control of himself. 

Screams filled his ears even in the darkness. The part of Elijah that fought for control could only listen to the destruction that his body was creating. The cries for help may have brought pleasure to the monster currently at play, but to Elijah, he couldn’t even bring himself to begin to think about the damage. 

‘Lijah. It’s me. You know me. You’ve known me for centuries.

The familiarity of the voice that played through his ears should have helped. The very voice that had brought him peace was there trying to break through to him. The voice that had been embedded in his mind for centuries. During his times of being daggered it was that voice that helped him through the darkness. Yet at this very moment, he couldn’t grasp onto the hope that the voice held. 

You know me, Elijah. I can show you.

The voice was breathless. As if the person speaking was having trouble breathing. And in the darkness that surrounded Elijah, he knew he should be worried. He knew that what was happening wasn’t good. That every fiber of his being should have been fighting to stop what was happening, but nothing he did to gain control worked. 

The darkness kept him under. Held him down while he was forced to listen to the sounds that entered through his ears. Even his brain refused to let in the familiarity of the voice that he was currently listening to. The magic within him taunting him. 

You should have taken Esther's offer. 

I-it’s okay. The sweet voice played through his ears once more. The words cracked slightly and it caused an ache to fill Elijah. One that the monster didn’t or would ever understand. I’m not scared. I promise. It’s n-not your fault if you do this. It’s going to be okay. Just know that I love you.

NO!

It was the first thought that Elijah had been able to force out of the abyss. The one and only thought that begged and pleaded his body not to do this. To not do anything to the voice that had brought him comfort in the darkness. No matter how hard Elijah tried to pull himself out of the darkness, nothing worked. Nothing he tried to keep the voice safe worked. 

It wasn’t until the satisfaction of subduing a threat washed over him that he knew he failed. The ache that he felt moments before had lingered, if not grew more with each passing moment. The silence had proved he had lost the comfort of that voice. 

Elijah?

The echo of his name registered in his mind some time later. How much time had passed, he was unsure. He had no idea how long he had been held under in the darkness. But he knew that was his name. He knew the familiarity of that voice. He just had to push himself out. 

“What happened Elijah?” His sister’s voice. He knew that. He knew Rebekah’s voice. He could hear the panic in her words as he pulled himself closer to the surface. 

“It’s Esther’s spell.” Klaus’s voice filled his ears. “I’ve seen this look on him before.”

“Where’s Y/N?” Rebekah asked. Elijah could only assume that Rebekah had been asking Klaus. But the question had brought Elijah closer to the surface than he had been in hours. 

“Y/N.” Her name came out as a whisper but it was enough for him to gain the necessary control over his body once more.

He blinked his eyes a few times before the darkness that held onto him so tightly finally let go. The blurred edges of his vision finally clearing and allowed him to focus on his siblings. Klaus had been standing to his left and Rebekah to his right. Both of them had the same worried expressions displayed on their faces. 

“Are you and Y/N okay?” Rebekah’s voice was soft. She was trying to keep her voice calm. If Klaus was sure this was the spell, she didn’t need her older brother being triggered once more. 

Confusion filled Elijah at her question. He and Y/N had been fine moments ago. They simply had been discussing what steps to take to help get rid of Esther.  What could possibly have happened in the last few minutes that would have caused his siblings to worry as they were?

That was when he caught sight of his blood drenched sleeve. It rested on the arm rest of the chair in the courtyard. He had no memory of ever sitting in that chair let alone how the blood had gotten on him. Dried blood covered his arm and was even caked on his fingers. 

The more Elijah had a grip on reality, the more he noticed the smallest of details about himself. Besides the blood that lingered on his sleeve and hand, his face felt dry. No doubt from the blood that currently covered his lips and chin. While his suit may have been dark, a shade of crimson had taken front and center. The white button up ruined by a victim he was unaware of. 

“What happened?” Rebekah asked once more. 

Elijah shook his head. “I have no idea.” 

As he moved to stand, his siblings allowed him the space he needed to do so. Elijah took in his surroundings, looking for any clarification as to what happened. His eyes moved from one place to another, trying to piece the last thing he remembered. 

The rest of the courtyard had been left untouched. There was no evidence that there was an altercation of some kind. There were no bodies lingering on the floor somewhere. There was no scent of fresh blood filling his nose to indicate the death he caused had been there. 

“Where’s Y/N?” Elijah asked, looking towards his siblings. “She may be able to explain what I cannot.”

Elijah knew that this had been his mother’s doing. He had known that there was something that had caused his mind to blank. But he had no idea how long he had been under or what had caused it. Everything deep within him was telling him something horrible had happened. 

“She’s not here.” Klaus noted. “When we arrived, it had just been you.”

“I tried calling her phone.” Rebekah added. “But she left it here. I know she wouldn’t leave you while you were fighting this.” A flash of a memory passed through Elijah’s mind at her words. 

“Stay with me.” Y/N’s said as she brought her thumbs up to Elijah’s cheeks. Her thumbs moved over the veins that were forming underneath his eyes. “Elijah.”

Elijah had been fighting it off. He was trying his hardest to stay there with her. To fight the darkness that wanted to consume him. He watched as her hands moved down to his neck in a comforting touch. But the only thing the darkness registered was a threat. 

His hand quickly grabbed a hold of her arm and twisted it. As he had done so, a sickening crack played through the air and Y/N cried out in pain before she pulled herself free. He watched as she took a few steps away from him. 

In return, Elijah took several steps towards her. The only thing registering in his brain was to get rid of the threat that stood in front of him. Y/N’s eyes filled with fear for the briefest of moments before she turned and ran with him following right behind her. 

A gasp left Elijah’s lips as the memory left his mind. The details left him shaking his head in disbelief. He wouldn’t do that to her. Never in his wildest dreams would he ever hurt his wife like that. 

“What is it?” Rebekah asked, watching her brother’s face change with his emotions. 

“I hurt her.” His voice carried his disbelief and he hadn’t missed the look of shock on his siblings as the words settled within him. He shook his head once more trying to get things straight. “I broke her arm before she ran. She couldn’t get through to me."

An indescribable feeling began to form within Elijah. It was a feeling Elijah had never felt before. It was almost a deep satisfaction mixed in with grief that he knew he shouldn’t be experiencing. Yet it was there in the pit of his chest. 

“She got away.” Rebekah was hopeful. “She managed to get away and she’s waiting until you came back to your senses to come home.”

I-it’s okay. I’m not scared. I promise. 

The ache in his chest grew as he shook his head. The voice that rang within his ears was part of a memory that he couldn’t force himself out of. He could only hear her voice but not see what happened to her.  

“I need to find my wife.” He said before turning and began leaving. Klaus and Rebekah were right on his heels in hopes to find Y/N and to find her completely fine.

It wasn’t long before the Mikaelsons had found themselves in the woods just outside of town. The familiarity of the area alerting Elijah that he had been there earlier that day. Klaus and Rebekah watched their brother as he tried to piece his memory together. Their mother’s spell was doing a number on him in the worst possible way. 

The further they ventured into the woods, Klaus tried his best to be hopeful. But he was slowly picking up on how things had gone. Klaus knew what it was like to thrive with the darker sides of vampirism unlike his brother. As thrilling as the kill was, the hunt had been part of the fun. 

If Elijah’s darker side had been hunting, Klaus knew there was only so far that Y/N could run before she found herself within his grasp. His sister in law may have been a vampire for centuries and stronger than most, she wasn’t an original. Even she could be killed easily if he or any of his siblings got a hold of her. 

The sound of a twig snapping right under Elijah’s foot had snapped another memory through his mind.

With every step Y/N took as she ran, Elijah hadn’t been far from her. He could see the way she ran through the woods. Every fiber of the monster within him enjoying the hunt. But even while a hunter could find the hunt exciting, eventually there needed to be a time where the hunted needed to be caught. 

He watched as Y/N steered towards her right before he moved himself to lead her to turn in a different direction. The game plan to keep moving her in the direction he wanted her. Her attempts at running from him would soon be pointless and he’d have her right where he wanted her. 

He watched as she occasionally brushed by the branches close to her. Some of them broke while others bent to the force of her passing. He slowed his steps a bit, knowing it would give the moment of peace before he’d pounce. 

That was until the slightest tug of a smirk played at his lips the moment he heard voices close by. 

The soft late afternoon breeze picked up, allowing the scent of blood to fill the air. It alerted all of them to the strong scent that had been close by. It caused them to turn their attention in the direction of the wind. 

“Blood.” Rebekah said out loud. Even though they knew what the scent was before the clarification, it needed to be heard to make sure they were all on the same page. 

“Not her’s.” Elijah noted as he looked back towards the direction he had been going moments before. “Two hikers if it is needed to be known. They never saw it coming.”

Klaus looked down at the ground before looking towards his sister. A silent look shared between the two of them. One meant that this may not have the outcome they were hoping for.  While Klaus wasn’t by any means hoping for Y/N’s death, that was all his mind settled on. If the bodies in the distance were any indication his brother had been pulled deep into the darkness that there was no telling what he could have done. 

All it took was for Elijah to take a few more steps further into the woods before dread completely filled him. His chest became tight as the ache filled him. His heart knew well before his brain had registered the dark memories that were kept at bay. And with one more step his world had come to a complete stop. 

Not too far in front of where he currently stood, his eyes fell to the base of a tree. Just peeking from behind it laid a hand, resting. One that currently rested palm down with the sun catching the ring that took residence on the fourth finger. A ring he had spent months perfecting the band the stone that Y/N loved sat in. 

“No.” Elijah’s head shook as he took another step toward the hand. And with every step he took, his mind took the opportunity to torment him with the memories that he couldn't grasp onto until now. 

Y/N had been looking just past the tree she had been hiding behind. Her attempts at being still to try and locate him had been pointless. The moment she had stopped, Elijah had her. The brief moments he had with hikers didn’t stop him keeping Y/N exactly where he wanted her. 

Her moment of distraction allowed for his opening. Elijah grabbed a hold of her arm and spun her around to face him, pinning her to the tree. Her startled yelp filled his ears and the monster within him had chuckled. 

He could see the way her eyes had been taking him in. No doubt taking in the creature that was reveling in death it was causing. He could see the way her eyes held worry for what was happening to him. But the creature within him could see the spark of fear that played within them as well. 

“‘Lijah.” He watched as she shook her head slightly. “It’s me. You know me. You’ve known me for centuries.”

From the moment Elijah noticed Y/N’s hand, there was hope that she was okay. While he may not have known what happened to her, he had hoped that she was only knocked out. He hoped he hadn’t hurt her too much and that he would send a lot of time trying to make up for what he may have done to hurt her. But once he reached her, he fell to his knees in front of her.

Her skin had been ashen gray. The dark colored veins that covered her body had been every indication that she wasn’t going to wake up. Y/N hadn’t been like him or his siblings. There wasn’t the possibility of waking up from an attempt at her life. And if that hadn’t been proof enough, her heart laid close by. 

Tears filled Elijah’s eyes as he reached for her. His hand gently ran along her cheek as he took in her face. The life and color in her eyes that he loved so much had been gone. Even as he lifted her body into his lap, there was disbelief that even his darker self had been capable of killing the one woman he would never stop fighting for. Yet, she laid lifeless in his hold.  

A sob passed his lips as he leaned down and pressed his forehead to her face. There were several emotions playing through him. Guilt, grief, anger at himself and at the monster that laid within him. Anger at his mother for the spell she had placed on him that forced that monster to the surface when he spent centuries trying to keep him at bay.

A gasp left Rebekah’s lips as she and Klaus had come to Elijah’s side. They both had taken in the scene just as Elijah had moments before. grief had instantly flooded the siblings as they watched their brother hold onto his wife. 

When Rebekah tried to take a step towards Elijah and Y/N, Klaus pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug. While he knew that Rebekah meant well in wanting to be by their brother’s side, Klaus knew that Elijah needed a moment with his wife without anyone else interfering. 

A loud cry of pain rang in Elijah’s ears as it left Y/N’s lips causing her hands to fall to her side. He watched as she looked down to find that he removed his hand from her neck, his other had been shoved into her chest. Her heart was within his grasp as he watched her take in her current situation.

He could feel the way her heart beat within his grasp. How fragile she had become the moment he had his hand in her chest. He had been holding her literal life in his hand and only one movement would bring the threat in his eyes to death. 

He watched as Y/N's eyes had filled with tears before they began flowing down her cheeks. He had been studying her reactions. Taking them in as if for a moment as he was fighting himself on what he was doing. But the magic rooted deep within the monster would never allow the man out of the deep to save his beloved. With the simple action of squeezing his hand, another scream filled his ears at the action.

Elijah watched as even though Y/N had been struggling to fight against his hold, the tears that had once been streaming down her face had slowed. The fear that once was in her eyes, vanished almost completely. Her reactions went from surviving to accepting of what was to come.

Elijah shook his head as the memories flooded in. The details that poured into his mind did nothing but fuel the guilt and anger that filled him. Y/N tried everything she could to break through to him. Everything that worked beforehand, she had tried once more. 

It was when Elijah had watched as her features changed in his memories that he understood how deep he had been under his mother’s spell. And as the memories continued to play, his hold on Y/N’s body became a little tighter. 

Elijah watched as Y/N struggled for a moment more as she tried to gain some control over herself. Her eyes met his as she took a shaky breath. 

“I-it’s okay.” Her voice cracked slightly before she groaned from the pain from the slightest movement of his hand. “I’m not scared. I promise. It’s n-not your fault if you do this. It’s going to be okay. Just know that I love you.”

Elijah may have received the message Y/N had been trying to get to him, but that didn’t change what happened. Y/N had known she couldn’t break through to him to get him to stop. The only thing she could do was speak to the man that would come out of the darkness eventually. 

“Forgive me.” Elijah said as he looked down at Y/N. Tears had fallen from his cheek and several tear drops had landed on Y/N’s face. 

His mother had been hell bent to prove to her children that there was a way to get away from the creatures they had become. She offered each of them a way to start over and each of her children refused, content with their life even if there were centuries of heartache and darkness. None of them would be willing to trade their lives to live within an innocent’s body. 

With that refusal, Esther played dirty and Y/N was the necessary means to the witch in order to drive her words home to her children. While it hadn't been directly her doing, it was her spell that left Elijah holding his wife’s body as he cried uncontrollably at what he did.

No amount of apologies that passed his lips could take back the actions he had done. No amount of begging to anything that would listen to bring her back would force life into her. No shaky touch of his fingers along her face or press of his lips to her skin would change the actions the creature within had done. 

His blood stained hand held her ashen gray cheek as his thumb ran along the veins that littered her face. “Please forgive me.” 

The words had been repeated several times in hopes that some way she’d be able to hear them. He said them more times in the last several minutes than he ever had said them within his existence. Yet, she’d never be able to say the words that he needed to hear. 

His heart ached at the thought that she wouldn’t be able to give him the forgiveness that he seeked. Even though she accepted and went into her death with no fear, all while promising it hadn’t been his fault, he felt otherwise. Her blood, and others, were literally on his hands. 

With her gone, Elijah knew nothing would be the same. The woman he spent a majority of his existence with had been taken from him. The woman that pulled him from the edge of darkness time and time again would no longer be able to. And that thought alone scared him more than anything. 

His eyes moved over his face once more. His mind was trying to picture her in any form other than the ashen gray that took a hold of her. Anything to bring life into her. A way to hold on to her for as long as he can mentally do so. Physically, Elijah knew he could sit there for hours holding on to her, begging for the events to be different, begging for her forgiveness for killing her.

It was what would come after, that scared him. His light within the darkness had been snuffed out. The one person that could always bring him back would no longer be able to. The further into the spell he went, there would be no telling what would happen next. 

As his hold on Y/N tightened, clinging onto what he had left, the creature within taunted him. Taunted him with the memories that he wished never happened in the first place. And with each fresh wave of guilt, Elijah was faced with the undeniable truth. 

The next time he fell into darkness, there would be no coming back.

All WorksTag (The tag to be notified for everything I write):

@mrs-maximoff-kenner @mizzzpink @friendelius @thatfanficstuff @mushroomelephant @23victoria @avengers-fixation

Always and Forever Tags (All things TVDU):

@hi-my-name-is-riley @helenasingers @hellotvshowtrash @dpaccione @elijahs-wife @akshi8278 @imgoingtofreakoutnow @kpopgirlbtssvt @ts1mp0ne @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @bluebear142077 @mysticfallsfics @nniklausmikaelson @fandom-princess-forevermore @morganaah @mxacegrey @freyathehuntress

Stag Tag: (All Things Elijah Mikaelson)

@xxsovereignsarayaxx @astudyoftimeywimeystuff @marvel-at-stucky @silvermercy @cassiopeia-black-brenda @nalledimessi @starkleila @attractive-insomnia

The Originals Tag: (All Things The Originals)

@dpaccione @thatweirdoleigh @charli123456789

Bold Tags mean for one reason or another I could not tag you. If you would like to be added to or taken off the taglist, please let me know.

[crusherthedoctor]

💛 💚

💛: What is a popular ship you just can’t get behind, and why?

Sonamy, predictably. Three decades worth of official material, fanfics, fanart, a month dedicated to it on this site, and I still feel nothing towards it, and in fact have been actively turned off by it for multiple reasons. Including: little consistency among fans over how it would function and thus making it hard to imagine the "true" dynamic, fans often neglecting Sonic's needs and seeing him as little more than a trophy that Amy has earned, official teasing in stuff like Boom and Prime requiring dodgy characterization in order to back it up...

Outside of Sonamy, as hinted at earlier, with me tending to be more interested in rarer Sonic ships, you could say that very few popular examples do it for me, with Sonaze being the only mainstream exception that comes to mind. Sonadow? Meh. Shadamy? Meh. Silvaze? Meh. Is it an oversaturation response? Is it because a lot of the time, they tend to use their pre-established popularity as a shortcut for not having to put effort into their actual chemistry together? Who knows.

Whispangle is particularly tragic, because in an alternate timeline, I think I could have enjoyed it. With what Tangle and Whisper were apparently set up to be as individuals, I think it could have been cute and perhaps even comforting in the right hands. But of course, like Starline's self-destructive simping for Eggman, the comic had other ideas, and so we're left with rampant flanderization and conjoined twins who ended up being more toxic together than the writers probably realised, not helped by them also having Lanolin the Sally alongside them.

Shame.

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favourite character?

I've already explained why Eggman being less evil than other Sonic villains is James Somerton levels of delusional, but it goes beyond that.

"Eggman is a family man" Nope, robots he built don't count. Excluding temporary allies and certain simps, he is very much a lone wolf compared to someone like Bowser, with even his thoughts on the late Gerald largely stemming from a selfish lens of the latter's genius making himself look good by association. Given his ego, he also probably wouldn't be interested in having a heir to his throne, because it's HIS empire, and ONLY his: he would just find a means to immortality instead.

"Eggman can't plan" If that were true, 95% of the game plots would never have happened. Using this to handwave shitty writing in a comic whose premise leaped off of Forces, a game where Eggman is constantly planning, is Mr. Fantastic levels of reaching. The intro cutscene for Unleashed, a moment that I'm pretty sure fans fondly reminisce over to this day, had a setup that specifically relied on the idea that Eggman can plan. If you're going to claim he can't plan because he makes some mistakes and ultimately loses to his nemesis, then you might as well claim that all video game villains can't plan... including other villains in this very franchise.

"Eggman is cowardly" My man is so hands-on that he's the sole boss of half the games. He also made a beeline towards the Time Eater mere seconds after it appeared in front of him without warning.

"Eggman is physically inept" He punched a wall of ice.

[minyare2906]

[RELEASE] HANAKOI TSURANE CH63

Title: Hanakoi Tsurane | Dance of Love | 花恋 つらね

Author/Artist: Natsume Isaku Rating: +18

Summary: The self-destructive type, Sougorou is the heir of one of the well-known families in the Kabuki world. He has no interests in other actors his age with the exception of Gensuke who he recognizes as his rival and never wants to lose no matter what. However, fate plays a cruel trick on him and the two of them end up as classmates… How will their relationship develop…?!

Volume 09 + Chapter 61.5 Download/Read online: Here

Note: Hello! Hope you're all fine in this last day of 2023!!

This post is programmed, so the links for the chapter are not in the Reader site but here. I'll update that on the 2nd, probably.

Well, looking back on this year, I think it's been a good year for the group. We would have liked to have done more or have released things faster, but, as I always say, life happens, and it's better some than nothing, right?

This chapter is pretty nice, sensei keeps preparing a nice path for our two lovebirds and it's really nice to see Grandpa again. As well as seeing what I'd love to see as the "spin-off lovebirds" when the story of the GenSou duo is over. Tsutamaru is hilarious and he deserves a story of his own!

The last thanks of the year... Thanks to Quietus for giving us those wonderful raws (you handed chapter 63 a while ago, I know...), thanks to Adamay for always being so fast translating and to Toshirodragon for being such a great typesetter, and to the both of them for doing this (and coping with me and my doubts) even when their free time is so little.

And to all of you, thanks you for reading!! Have a great night and see you next year with more!!

@cm-scans - @ikahomine

[maythevoidnotscreamback]

Story Idea: Sailor Moon but Batman style!

Basically, it's Sailor Moon but since there isn't any magic (at least maybe not for her and/or the Senshi/TK {yet? It would depend on how you want to take it}) she's more like Batman: a regular person but she's not stinking rich because her parents were killed and she and her brother inherited their fortune. No, she's just a regular mid-20's wig-maker by day (she uses said wigs for her various investigation disguises since there's no Luna Pen, and uses a very specific one when out at night, and for them to work her actual hair is pretty friggin' short to use them efficiently) and the Masked Sailor Suited Vigilante Sailor Moon by night.

Now for this to work, I'm thinking that Sailor Moon is definitely the first of the Senshi to become active, not Venus, because it is through Moon that the girls are 'endorsed' so to speak to become Senshi. And it's all due to part of this AU!Usa's backstory.

Long story short (feel free to contact me for any and/or all details if you're interested; though be warned I might not have details for everything) she's in possession of limited bolts of stretchy, almost-like-magic-but-made-with-science Kevlar-like fabric, various 'mad scientist-like' gadgets and a smart talking black cat who was unethically scientifically bred that way. The cat she kept after escaping the scary not quite self-destructing lair of the crazy people who'd kidnapped her when she was 9 after three months in their 'care', and found the former two at the site of said destroyed secret lair that she found again, by chance, in her grief of losing her childhood friend turned crush and his family to a crash on his returning-from-overseas plane turned hostage situation and promptly squirreled them away after deciding it was fate she found it all and formed the inklings of a goal/plan at 14. It's when she's in her mid-20's that she feels ready for her goal/plan to come into fruition. The Masked Sailor Suited Vigilante Sailor Moon makes her debut when the Osa-P jewellery store undergoes a robbery that turns into a hostage situation.

Thing is, said childhood friend turned crush hadn't died from the plane crash. He was the only survivor but suffered amnesia, losing everything from before he woke up. The redhead who'd become infatuated (IYKYK) with him as he recovered in the infirmary of her mother Metallia's off-the-grid community cult gave him his 'life's story' as her abandoned-as-a-baby orphan lover Endymion, who was a year older (17) than he actually was (16), and that he was apprenticed to the cult's (not that she called it that) medical doctor co-leader and 'psychiatrist' Wiseman. Because he doesn't know any better, and wanting some form of stability after his traumatic experience, he doesn't question anything. It's when he's in his late 20's, unofficially married with a 4yo redheaded, blue-eyed daughter (who's named Usagi since he was partial to the name; it resonates with him for some reason) from said 'wife', and casing a certain jewellery store in the shadows as TK as one of his 'jobs' to help bring money to his community that he sees the princess-angel he's been dreaming of since he was '17'.

One by one, new 'Senshi' join Moon for various reasons but are united by a common cause under their leader. Venus is first because the police woman Minako Aino discovered SM's identity through her own smart, talking white cat (of a non-related, older litter of the same experiments, and thus further developed in turn, that created Luna and the reason Usa was able to escape her kidnappers as a child, though she didn't know that at the time) who'd followed SM and reported back to her but didn't want to turn her in because she admires SM's efforts and wants to help so is willing to risk her career by proposing that they be one another's body double as and when needed at night and have separate patrol routes as their separate identities (M and V) when not.

It is through time (roughly two-three years) and various shenanigans and dangerous situations that SM and TK get closer, eventually stopping their game of flirty cat-and-mouse and actually bonding and getting to know one another. It is only after another life-or-death situation (TK would've frickin' died that time if not for Moon having followed him to his safe-house) that the tension between the two hits a peak after he's halfway through his convalescence and they sleep together and the next morning, after a restless night of tossing and turning as his true memories came back to him every time he awoke before his still-need-healing-exhaustion sent him to sleep again, is when TK reveals a name he'd wanted to use for the girl he'd wanted to ask to be his after he returned from that fateful trip.

Do you like? I would love if someone were able to take my idea and run with it. All I ask is that credit is given due and you let me know the title and site you've posted on so that I may read it. And as said, if you need details of what I've thought up for such an AU, if only for your own inspiration, I'm willing to send my notes to you; so long as you know that if others also ask I'm gonna give it to them too, just to see how different people would make this idea their own.

And if, in the end, I'm late to someone (or more than one) already having made some form of Batman style!SM AU, then please, please, please hit me up and tell me what it's called and where I can find it!! Thank you.

[fallloverfic]

hey hey so glad to have found you on tumblr. it was a bit hard for me to find content creators for ennead on this site, oddly enough

i saw some of your ask me prompts and i was wondering if you could do 4 and 10?

Hello!! And welcome :3 Thank you for the ask!! And yeah, tumblr is very quiet for the fandom. Twitter, pixiv, Ao3, and instagram are far more hopping.

I think this is for the ENNEAD ask me meme, so I'll answer based on that!

4. Who is your favorite character (if you have one)?

Shockingly I know, after publishing 48 fanfics that star or otherwise feature him in some fashion... it is Seth alkdjaldja he is best boi for me. Sad man, angry man. Love him. He's beautiful, he's tragic, he's fun. I love the way Mojito is exploring so many things with him, whether it's suicidal ideation, self-destructive tendencies, self-blame for things that are out of your control, cycles of violence, anxiety, responsibility... Just a lot of things. I love his power set (no pun intended). Shapeshifter characters have been my favorites since I was little (big fan of werewolves and shifters generally, and always have been, pretty sure it's why The Little Mermaid and other similar stories about water people who can change their shape have always stuck with me), especially when they can like dissolve into particles and reform. And I love his relationship with Horus. He's also really smart and can be quite thoughtful and I love how creative he is. Also I love when he gets into Situations. Angsty, whumpy man.

Second place is Horus. I love him so much. He's gorgeous, he's such a fun character, and he's hilarious. And his wings are so gorgeous T-T He and Seth are so cute and I go feral whenever I see them.

I like most of the cast, though.

10. How do you think ENNEAD will end?

I don't have good luck with guessing what Mojito will do intentionally, so take this with a lot of grains of salt lol I do have some luck doing it unintentionally when I write things into fics with like, "This would be cool if it happened", and then it kind of does lol And I do have some luck guessing what she won't do, so. Anywho.

We know Horuseth is the endgame ship, so they'll end up together. I assume they'll rule Egypt together in some fashion or, worst case, go off into the sunset together. Seth will fully get his powers back and the curse will be resolved. I imagine whatever's going on with Hathor's mirror will also be resolved (I think Nephthys was split into two people, and she'll be recombined and get all her memories back, and I think Hathor did it to take revenge for Ra). I'm still on the fence for whether Horus will actually "ascend" properly or not, or what that'll look like. He's kind of a strange demigod (Nut calls him the "link between the gods and humankind" (S02E44)), so I wonder if he won't actually ascend/he already has. But his ascension might also just be different than other gods, at which point I think Isis will step aside and let him rule fully on his own, with her help as needed. He doesn't marry Hathor. She gets booted out of Heliopolis. I also don't personally think he's going to lose his memory. He could, but on top of the circumstances around the whole "ascension involves memory loss" thing being still kind of unclear and questionable, he's a special kind of demigod/god, and his power involves knowing things. I think he'll be fine.

I assume Osiris will be defeated in Duat in some fashion (possibly by Seth, Horus, Anubis, and maybe FG) and just be stuck down there, stewing (Mojito likes sticking to the original mythology in a lot of ways, and I don't think she'd like... perma-dissolve Osiris of all people), and he and Anubis will be on more of a balanced power stance, and just sort of share a power domain. I feel like part of ENNEAD's conclusion will involve Anubis leaving his control and just coming into his own power entirely. And he gets his memories of Seth back to some degree.

I assume FG will head home after/around when we learn his name and the Egyptians will be like "huh, well idk who that was, but whatever, I guess we'll keep an eye on [FG's home country], though." Which... if it's Greece or Rome... -cringes a little-

I also hope that Anubis will have a heavily implied partner of some kind. It's not gonna be Seth, and I don't really think it'll be Khnum, much as I love that ship (though I'm rooting for it fully and he's as likely as anyone), but it could be Isis, too. Mojito did do some Anubis/Isis art years ago. I just want him to not be so alone.

I think Isis, Seth, and Nephthys will reconcile to some degree. I don't know that they'll be very close, but I think they will be on speaking terms, though I honestly think Seth and Nephthys are the least likely of the group for this to happen with. It depends on whatever is actually happening with the mirror. Seth and Isis are already on the path to reconciliation. Nephthys is the only actually sort of static one.

If anyone would like to ask more questions, here's the meme again :D

(If this is for the fanfiction author ask me meme I linked, I can answer that one, too! I just didn't know which meme it was, and assumed based on context it was the ENNEAD one)

[alterchaos]

Live and Learn

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: THE FINAL HAZARD

NEXT CHAPTER: MARIA’S WISH, EVERYONE’S WISH

cw: talk surrounding anxiety, depression, and self-destructive behavior (and how to find hope)

Sonic watched as the girl continued to hold the sobbing hedgehog, his rage melting away as he did. 

“Shadow…”

He was just a kid.

A kid…who lost everything…

Woke up confused and alone in a world he no longer knew…

In a way, it reminded him of what happened with Chuck and the other orphans, except that, unlike Shadow, he still had Tails.

If that hadn’t been the case…

The Hero of Mobius closed his eyes, speaking softly, “Hey…I’m sorr-”

BOOM!

BOOM! BOOM!

RRRRRRUUUUMBLLLLEEEEE!!!

The three characters jolted as the colony began to shake, its infrastructure all but beginning to pull apart at the seams. 

“W-What the-!!?”

Shadow looked up tearfully, “I-It’s Ivo! He…He’s going to launch the Ark Canon!”

“Ark Canon!!?”

Shame crossed the hedgehog’s features, “Yes…It’s a super weapon powered by the chaos emeralds. He constructed it before his banishment 50 years ago…a weapon that will destroy the planet…” He turned away, “...and…all of us with it.”

The two friends’ eyes widened.

A couple tears slid down the girl’s cheeks, “Shadow…why would you-?”

“Ivo built it with his escape in mind, but now…” His gaze fell, “There is nothing left for me here…not now…not in a world without Maria…”

More tears fell, “Sh-Shadow…”

Sonic felt his heart shatter at the younger hedgehog’s confession. He watched him for a moment in heartbreak before steeling himself and kneeling down at the boy’s side. He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder as he spoke in a steady voice, “Shadow, look at me. That isn’t true, okay?” The young hedgehog lifted his head, still ashamed, “Look, I may not understand everything you’re going through, but if there’s one thing I know first hand…” He smiled at the girl, eliciting a small smile in return, “...it’s that life is full of lots of ups and downs. You’ve had it rough…REALLY rough…but that doesn’t mean good things aren’t waiting for you around the corner.” A bit of hope entered the young hedgehog’s eyes, “We live and we learn, Shadow. That’s what it means to grow up. Despite our mistakes, we can’t lose sight of how we can use those experiences to find a better way…” He looked back at the empathetic girl, “...to help those around us who can’t yet help themselves…” He looked beyond the window, “...to make the world a better place so that others don’t have to suffer the ways we have…” He looked back at the attentive hedgehog once more with a warm smile, “That’s why you have to keep living, Shadow the Hedgehog, so you can help brighten the world with your light.” 

The ebony hedgehog continued to stare at him, “Sonic…”

The Hero of Mobius stood up, brushing himself off as he did, “Now…I have a planet to save!” He winked at the girl, “Think you’ll be okay on your own?”

Eve nodded, “Yeah…I believe in you, Sonic.”

Her best friend smiled, “Thanks, Eve…See you soon.”

SHOOOOM!

RRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMBLEEEE!!!!

A few tiny pieces of debris fell from the ceiling as the walls shook once more. The girl with the golden hair looked up worriedly as the hedgehog beside her pulled in his knees, burying his face from her sight. She then looked back at him, heartbroken but unsure where to go from there.

Neither of them knew what to say…

“...”

“...”

Eve grabbed a loose strand of her hair, twirling around her finger as she slowly gathered her thoughts.

“You know…I met Sonic in the same kind of situation as this…”

He raised his eyes slightly, though refused to speak, “...”

Eve continued, “It was a construction site…back on Earth…”

His voice was muffled, “I…read about those…”

She smiled slightly, “The walls were crumbling…I…fell and he…rescued me…” She paused for a moment, her smile and voice faltering, “He…didn’t just save me from the building that day though…”

Shadow looked at her curiously, though still remained with his knees to his chest, “...What do you mean by that?”

Her face turned redder as shame seeped into her gaze, “I-I…” She fell silent, trembling slightly as she did.

“...” He continued to stare, a bit of heartbreak seeping into his gaze. He knew what she meant, even if she didn't want to say it, “I…I’m sorry I…I-I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine…” A few tears sprung into her eyes, though she quickly wiped them away, “The other kids at school…they…they don’t like me very much…He…found me after a really bad day…It was all too much and I…I-I couldn’t take…that feeling anymore so I…I r-ran away…d-didn’t know what I should do…I thought it was the end…that things were better that way…b-but…” She smiled despite the tears, “Sonic…he gave me hope…a new way to live even though I felt alone…” She wiped her face once more, looking to the young hedgehog beside her as she continued to smile, “That’s why Sonic means so much to me, after all…”

Shadow continued watching the anxious girl, heartbroken at her confession. He then recalled the older hedgehog and his words just minutes earlier. Despite being enemies this entire time, he had given him the hope he desperately needed as well, showing genuine forgiveness when Shadow felt he deserved none.

She wasn’t Maria…

And yet…

He closed his eyes pensively, unfurling himself as he took a more comfortable seated position.

“...Shadow.”

“Huh?”

The girl’s wet eyes popped wide in genuine shock at his sudden statement. Shadow looked away shyly, his face blushing slightly as small talk was, unfortunately, not his strong suit.

“That’s…m-my name…”

Eve cocked her head to the side in confusion, “I…already knew that?”

“N-No! I-I w-w-well…” He sighed, rubbing the back of his head slightly, “I-Isn’t it customary…y-you know…to introduce yourself…” His voice dropped to a sheepish whisper, “...w-when making friends?”

“...” She stared at him in bewilderment.

He turned away, his muzzle blushing almost as red as the stripes in his quills, “I-I MEAN…I-IF YOU WANT TO B-BE TH-THAT IS!!!” He looked down in defeat, “I know I really hurt you so…if…i-if you hate me…” He began to fidget with his ring cuffs, “I-I understan-”

“Eve.”

“-!!!”

He turned to face her with hope in his heart, the girl with the golden hair smiling back with a wink, “At least…that’s what my friends call me hehehe…”

“Eve…” His face blushed slightly again, his bashful nature no longer able to be contained, “...That’s a really special name.”

“Hm? How so?”

“Well…” He smiled, “It means ‘life’ doesn’t it? I think no other name would even come close to suiting you in the same way…”

Now it was the girl’s turn to be bashful, “...W-What!? N-No way!!! I-I’m the LAST person a-anyone would think of when they think of all the wonderful things life has to offer!!” She fiddled with her hair some more, turning away, “B-Besides…I-I’m such a dud a-and…” Her voice fell along with her gaze as she continued to ramble, her mind yet unable to take such a compliment despite her immense growth over the past six months, “...p-people just feel bad about themselves w-when they’re around me…I-I…I-I don’t make a-anyone happy…”

Shadow jolted slightly, though he smiled once more, “Then what do you call what I saw earlier?”

“Huh?”

“Sonic…He seems happy around you…”

She watched him with wide eyes.

“Plus, I don’t think everyone would have risked their lives against G.U.N. to save you if they thought you were a ‘dud’.” His gaze grew kind, “Maybe that’s just me but…then again…”

“Shadow…”

He shot her a knowing look, “Yes…Eve?”

“...”

“That’s what your friends call you, isn’t it?”

She continued to stare at him another moment before exhaling and smiling, “Thank you. I’m…really happy to have you in my life too.”

Shadow stared at her a moment, touched by the compliment. He smiled joyfully, however uncharacteristic it seemed, “You’re welcome.”

RRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMBLLLEEEE!!!!!

A larger piece of the ceiling fell this time overtop Eve. She screamed, shielding her eyes as Shadow grabbed her, teleporting the two of them closer to the window to safety.

“Are you alright, Eve?”

“Y-Yeah…Thanks, Shadow…”

The two paused, eyes widening as the planet below caught their eyes. Eve leaned closer to the glass, smiling as her eyes sparkled, “Wow, Shadow! I’ve never seen the northern lights like this! What an incredible view!”

“Huh? But you’re from Earth, aren’t you?”

“Yeah but not a part where I can see them!”

“...” Shadow paused, the memory of the girl replaying in his mind once more. Just like her, Eve had such a love of the little things that made life special, even in the face of incredible suffering.

“You know…I’ve always loved lights like this…stars and lanterns too…Anytime I see something so beautiful it just reminds me that, even in the darkest night, there are good things just waiting for us to find them.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…It helps me too…y-you know…when I get really nervous or sad…” Her gaze fell as she recalled another memory from before she’d met Sonic, “...the doctors all say it’s a bad thing…th-that I can’t ever really be happy or have a good life…a-at least the ones that don’t tell me I’m f-faking it…” She fell silent for a moment, a hint of frustration lining her features, “...a-and maybe that’s true but…still…I always try my best to stop and take in the simple joys anyway…the moments that really help me feel alive…like these lights…” Eve wasn’t sure what possessed her to open up to him in such a way. She just felt…comfortable…safe even…in a way she couldn’t quite describe. Maybe it was because he could understand her in a way not even Sonic could, despite his best attempts to. She turned, smiling once more, “...and like our friendship, Shadow.”

“...”

Shadow paused, watching the lights for a moment as he recalled her words.

“Shadow…I beg of you…please…give everyone on Earth a chance…a chance to be happy…”

He clenched his fist, standing with newfound determination.

“Maria…I remember our promise…”

Eve looked up at him, “Shadow?”

He looked at his new friend.

He smiled.

“Eve…”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“COME ON!!!! WE’RE ALMOST THERE!!!”

“EVE!!! WE’RE COMING!!!”

The team of heroes raced down the halls of the Space Colony Ark towards the observation deck, having been tipped off to the girl’s whereabouts by the hedgehog racing to put a stop to the mad doctor. They turned the corner, ready to defend the girl should they need to.

“EVE ARE YOU O-!!??”

They peered at the far window of the deck where the girl sat quietly.

plip

plip

Alone…

plip

plip

She remained turned, silent as she stared out beyond the stars.

plip

plip

She’d caused them so much trouble and yet…

plip

Would they really be happy to see her as Shadow said?

plip

After running off like she had…all she could do…

plip

…was hope.

plip

plip

She sniffed, wiping her tears.

plip

It was now or never.

She inhaled, turning around with a forced smile.

“H-Hi…e-everyo-”

fomf

Her father was the first to race in for a hug, not daring to let the girl slip from his grasp.

“Evelyn…I’m so sorry…I promise that when we get home, things are going to change…I won’t let you be alone anymore…”

Her eyes widened.

Chris joined in the hug as well, Sam behind him, “None of us will…”

“You belong on Earth…” Her brother winked, “...and we won’t let anyone tell you otherwise…”

The girl’s eyes widened, sparkling wet with tears.

“Eve…Wait here for your family. I’m going to go set things right.”

“B-But-”

“They love you, Eve. All they want is to see you safe and happy.”

“Shadow…”

“Maria told me once that even if you’re scared or feel sad, just have a little faith that you are wanted. And if no one expresses that, then you must learn to want yourself. You are not broken. You are not incapable of living happily either. All you need is a bit of love and patience for yourself…If you can do that, even when it’s hard, then the rest will take care of itself.”

“...”

She scrunched them shut, a few joyful sobs escaping her.

Maybe…she still had a chance…

…a chance…like Maria had wanted…to be happy.

“Thank you, Shadow, for bringing your light into my life…”

CHAPTER END

[boxoftheskyking]

I learned today that if you hit the Tab key while editing a Squarespace site, it'll make the whole thing crash and lose any unsaved work 💀💀💀

According to the forums it's been like that for at least a year with no fix

So, happy self destruct button I guess

[sometimesiammybpd]

hi everyone. long time no see. i know the past week has been devastating for a lot of people, me included. and i might still make a post on my feelings about what happened, what's to come, all of that stuff.

not today though.

it's not something i really want to talk about for a while. all i want to is ignore it for as long as i can. and yeah, that's not a great move. i know. but i can't take it right now. i was ready to kill myself should he have won because of just . . . so much. but that's not the point. i swear that's not the point of this post.

i've been working on a lyrical song for a few years now and it's something i've wanted to share. i was originally going to write a post about the entire ep i'm trying to make (and i will at some point), but then i remembered how much this song means to me. and how much it wouldn't be fair to just group it in a post of 5-6 songs and be like "well, it exists" and then move on. i want to give it the post it deserves, imo. the song is called (in its current state)

"i'd like to return the trauma and i have the receipt." it used to be called nothing ever changes. i will explain why and what the song is about, but the current title is 100% based on early fall out boy titles. the entire ep's titles are based on that era. anyways, this song started out of an idea i had with a friend. i believe i mentioned this in a separate post, but the friend (will, fake name) knew how to play guitar and i had always wanted to make proper guitar-driven music. at the time, pop-punk specifically. so i went to will and proposed the idea of like an album or a couple songs where he did the instrumental and i did the lyrics and singing. mainly because at the time, i couldn't play a single instrument that would be helpful besides keys. he agreed and was even really excited about the idea. so he was completely on board with helping me. and while i had a bunch of half-baked ideas for songs, this one was the first one that came to me and it was the only one that really felt real.

the song is a story between two characters:

the singer: the toxic main character who is incredibly self-destructive. they know they're toxic and refuse to do anything about it which eventually drives everyone away. they also have the tendency to blame others for things they've done. the friend: i'm labeling this as a single friend but it's really an abstract to represent everyone in this person's lives. they're the person who talks at the start of the song and they're the one who tries and tries to get the singer to understand what they're doing (which is an exercise in insanity).

from the start, i knew i wanted this back and forth. because in the original version of the song, it started with the singer feeling sorry for themselves and also being way more self-aware than what should actually be the case. and honestly, i only now really got the characters to sound how i want. because it's supposed to represent me and my friends. that's why this song means so much to me. because it was only a few years ago (at the time of writing) that i was that person refusing to change while everyone around me was trying to do it for me. here's the original lyrics for the intro and verse:

[intro] falling deeper with the shovel in hand popping pills for the pain like it’ll fix the reason why  it’s dreadful to wake up until the grave site is found reach for the shovel and bury me alive

[verse 1] it's never ending, rip me out of the past get me out of my lies ‘cause i know the reason why everything fell apart, everyone is gone the blood from their wrists seals our fate in their eyes endless eternity, sentenced to suffering run through the memories, is it worth uncovering? insecurity, faded apologies weak enough to survive, no courage to die

what's ironic is at this point in the song's development, i had paragraphs of text trying to define the story so i wouldn't lose it. even though it doesn't at all convey what i want. but to be fair, it took me longer than i want to admit to realize what i really wanted. and i kinda see that as because when i first started working on myself and trying to change, i tried to ignore a lot of what made me need to change and pretend it was still working. somehow. and i think it weirdly gets reflected in this song. because instead of feeling like it's written by someone who's learned from them doing the same stuff, it feels like it's instead written by someone who just wants you to feel sorry for them. i mean don't get me wrong, some lyrics i wrote at this point were fire. (i.e. the blood from their wrists seals our fate in their eyes.)

when it came to the chorus and then the introduction of the other side, it fell apart more in terms of the story.

[chorus] secondhand solutions before the execution you’ve run out of excuses, no more places to hide replay the greatest hits, take a seat it’s starting living without a soul, pretending to be whole tearing out the pages, setting the world aflame taking everyone down, treating it as a game deja vu or insanity, it’s all the same anyways look through the mirror, can you still see yourself?

first off, i love that last line to a point that i'm still using some form of it now. secondly, in hindsight the chorus feels like you don't know who's POV it's supposed to be in. because if it's the singer, it's more pity party. but if it's the other person (which is not who it's supposed to be yet), they're already just hard hitting like none of this matters. which i didn't want either. keep in mind that again, it took a year for me to see this how i see it now. verse two though is where i stopped and it's for the better for the original version. there's also beef that happened here that caused the song to fail, but it's not important. either way, verse two is the proper introduction of the friend(s). in this original version, i for some ungodly reason tried to write it where every line it swapped who was talking. green day did it well in extraordinary girl because it wasn't in whatsername or jos's POV, but referring to them. it did not work as well here.

[verse 2] it's not us against them, we're living in their world they'll remove you with no trace, they’ll put you in your place you've made your decisions like a queen to her castle her time is running out, a storm she brought about you're changing the story! you're trying to deceive me! you'll take everyone away and all you do is betray you see all the chaos as the revolution begins a forced smile on your face, going down as a disgrace

for the sake of distinction, the bold lines are the friend. i don't know. i never really liked the singer's lyrics in this part. because this fully felt like bad defensive mechanisms. and it's obvious enough what i WANTED here. i wanted it to be the idea of the singer blaming others. "it's not my fault! it's yours! i'm fucking perfect. YOU'RE the problem!" y'know, that kind of mentality. and i got it a lot better in the second version. but it just didn't work here. i did very much like the metaphor of calling the singer a disgraced queen watching her kingdom burn to the ground because of her actions. but my issue i had with the way i wrote the friend initially is that i wrote it with the wrong emotion in mind.

i want (and eventually got it there) the friend to be frustrated. not angry, but frustrated. maybe even upset. because this is supposed to be someone close to the singer who had put more of their time into trying to fix the singer than mc has themselves. and the main goal has always been trying to communicate that it's only too late when either you shut the window / door yourself, or you outright destroy it. and i just didn't communicate that well. eventually though, the song got put on the cutting room floor and it remained that way for a while. until i decided one day that i wanted to give it another go. i knew the song meant a lot to me and i went fuck it, i wanna finish it.

so the first thing i did was rewrite pretty much all of the lyrics. i also added a new intro. at this point, i had just really started getting into green day. ESPECIALLY american idiot, so i got inspired by letterbomb and wanted to have my song open on a voicemail left by the friend. and this is what really got me to see how much i misunderstood my own characters and story. and i wanna make something known. most of what is said about the singer in the intro (regardless of version) was based on either real things people have said to me or things i've heard about me but wasn't said to my face directly. which yeah, makes it raw. but it also makes it more genuine in the end, which is what i want. this was the original opening.

[intro] have you ever considered that we're not the problem and that you are? like do you ever think about how much you hurt people or is that really something that never crosses your mind?  you're toxic and manipulative.  you're emotionally abusive. you’ve destroyed so many people.  you’re so fucking judgmental.  just leave us alone. keep our names out of your mouth. we're better off without you.

i liked it until i didn't. not even kidding, i went to go listen to it one day and that's when it hit me that it didn't fit. it didn't work. i just didn't get why for a while. i had half the solution, if you will lol. but my biggest issue with this one is just how aggressive it felt. it didn't feel like the character i wanted. which is ironic with where i took it. here's version two of the opening.

have you ever considered the weight of your actions that you keep ignoring? do you ever think about how much you hurt people or is your fragile ego too big to notice anyone else? you constantly say you want things to be different and yet you expect it to happen without needing to put in ANY of the effort. it’s so fucking tiring. don’t you get that? you're toxic and manipulative.  you're emotionally abusive. you’re so fucking judgmental.  and what’s worse is that no one can say anything about the things you’re doing because you’re “too fragile” to handle it. you make everyone feel so bad for you that they let themselves suffer for your benefit. just.  just leave us alone. keep our names out of your mouth. we're better off without you.

again, it just was going in the wrong direction. more angry, more aggressive, which is not what i want. and after a few months of letting it lay, i went back and took one more shot at it. and this one got it exactly how i wanted it.

your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system. at the tone, please record your message. when you are finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options hey, it’s me.  i know it’s been a while since we spoke and i’m sure you don’t want to hear from me... and that’s fine. i just. i’ll be honest.  i’m not calling on the best terms and i want to make that clear. cause it’s not like we haven’t heard what you’ve been saying. we’re not trying to be spiteful or hateful towards you. we never have. we all cared about you and wanted the best for you. it’s not on us that you pushed us away or that you became emotionally abusive. it’s not on us that you can’t accept responsibility. take that how you will and get mad if you have to. just . . . just leave us alone. if you aren’t going to change, at least let us move on. we don’t want anything to do with you anymore. why is that so hard for you to understand?

this to me is perfect. because it finally captures the friend i was trying to capture. one that isn't angry, per se, but very frustrated and upset. and it finally set the story in the right direction too. it genuinely felt so fucking good to type "why is that so hard for you to understand?" and know it was done. and while it didn't go in order, even the original intro gave me confidence to try my hand at the lyrics again. and the ones i wrote made the singer the character i originally described to you finally.

[verse 1] have you considered the problems you went and introduced hold my head underwater, take me through the abuse you want to put it all out there, well now’s your chance pull the trigger, blow my brains out, take your final stance slit your wrists for attention, avoid the interventions act all high and mighty, give out endless conditions write your goodbye in blood, hang yourself from the ceiling i hope you pray to god, i hope it loses all meaning

this is also the reason why i started the first two versions with "have you considered" because i thought it would be cool to have the singer literally twist those words against them for no reason. i don't really know how i'd do that now, but that's fine. these are 100% what i wanted though. i wanted the singer to be noticeably in the wrong. i wanted to make it that you weren't supposed to feel sorry for them. that from the start, all they seem to care about is taking others down with them. and lyrics like "slit your wrists for attention, act all high and mighty, i hope it loses all meaning, etc., do exactly that. and i finally got the chorus where i wanted it to be now too.

[chorus 1] there's no winners in war, we all come out with trauma losing choices like limbs, won't make it home to your momma don’t tell me you’re fine, look at what you’ve done stop telling me what i want to hear  and hoping that i'll just fucking disappear it's not that easy, you can't get rid of me  cause i'm not like you, i don't live in misery

again, the singer playing defensive for no reason. the biggest problem i've had honestly is trying to figure out how the other person comes in. what they would even say. because i wanted the biggest thing to be obvious that they're done. they don't want to even think of this person anymore and having to have any form of contact with them makes it worse. i have the friend come in with this line as the post-chorus. just one line.

[post-chorus] when you look in the mirror, do you see yourself?

and then they come in fully. instead of doing a back and forth, it's just them for verse 2.

[verse 2] how many times do you want to play this game with your endless lies, hoping for fame cause we cannot keep following your insanity take it personally, it’s not a tragedy

these are very much still to be finished lyrics. so things could and probably will change. but it's a lot closer to where i want it to be. i'm really hoping to finish this song one day and share it to y'all. my end goal is to have someone else sing half the song so it actually feels like more than just one person. and of course, make it the right feel.

uhhhh, anyways. enough yapping :3

[mudinyourshoes]

watching tale of the nine tailed because honestly screw christmas that's way and so far:

-rang, rang baby your bother shows up to the site of your massacre, starts crying, and then "executes" you but misses any vital organs. he's a immortal deity who obviously has a lot of experience killing people and you...you conclude that he was actually trying to kill you?! FOR REAL REAL?! REALSIES????? pls say sike

-if yeon was clear about what he did with rang, i'm pretty sure that would mean rang owed him a debt and since foxes always repay their debts, i'm guessing that's why yeon never cleared this up. because let's be real, yeon is screwed. he screwed himself when broke the rules to get ji-a reincarnated and so i'm pretty sure he's just protecting his brother by trying to keep him out of yeon self-made, self-destructive ✨problems✨

-i love that yeon isn't really looking for a "happily ever after". he's a realist in the sense that he's aware he fell in love with a mortal and that means he was always going to lose her. and he's obsessive anyway. fantastic A++

-on that note, i really like the world building that's happening around "how fucked in the head does living for thousands of years make you?" not just for yeon, but for all the supernatural creatures. rang...might actually be more sane than most because he's only a hundreds of years old (????) but even that might have broken him a bit lol

-ji-a is marvelous. she's smart, she's brave, she more than a little nuts. which is good because yeon is all kinds of nuts. they match. very nice.

-i do not understand ppl complaining about lack of chemistry in this.

-so far it's perfect?? it's got fantasy, mystery side plots, solid world building, friend and family relationships that feel real and important, and I would hate to meet any of the lead characters ever irl. so, that's perfect.

[lionews]

"people don't owe you shit. once you chase/sell/tree something the person who got the lion can do whatever the fuck they want with it. if they cared so much about that lion they wouldn't have chased it. hope this helps👍"

Yeah, you're technically right that people can do what they want with a lion on their account, but there's still a moral high ground. If the person who found the lion wanted to keep it and didn't want to participate in the bounty hunt that's cool, idc. I think the point here is that they chose to KILL a lion when they KNEW someone is willing to pay for it and wanted it back

Sure, that was well within their rights but ik I wouldn't want to interact with them on site because ig I have high standards for expecting human beings to show a certain level of tact and situational awareness to one another. What they did was just spiteful and self-destructive. Not to mention, they were willing to lose free money just so they could be an asshole.

.

[ballet-belle306]

~Please Prioritize Your Health~

Trigger Warning: weight loss and mention of ED

I just wanted to post because I know a lot of girls in the communities I'm involved in want the 'waif' body, and some accounts tend to glamorize the sickly thin look. I want to reiterate, some people have naturally very thin bodies, and there is nothing wrong with that. They deserve no more shame that those of us who are plus sized. But I've seen many pages that promote pro-ana things, and that's really concerning to me. You just look up weight loss on here, and it's all pro-ana rhetoric, and that's really not okay, especially on a site with young minds.

I just want to say, as an adult and someone who is on a major weight loss journey, I really want to emphasize how important it is to take care of yourself. You can get down to a healthy weight while still enjoying the food that you like, and you can feel good, too. I've lost quite bit of weight, and it's already made my body feel a lot more comfortable. No matter where you're starting, whether you want to lose 10 pounds or 100, there's healthy ways to do it. Please don't starve yourself, or give into that self-destructive drive in your brain. I know from experience that there's something alluring about giving into those dark sides in your mind, and I'm here to tell you that it's never worth it. Your health and happiness is worth so much more than you think you deserve. You're worthy of the self love that drives healthy habits and meets needs.

I can really only go off my own experience, so take some of this advice with a grain of salt.

Some pointers to losing weight healthfully;

Get a calorie counting app. I use Lose It, which I find to be really good. Make sure you find the verified items when logging. Some people input incorrect calorie information, and log calories as being more or less. Find an app where you can scan the items. Follow the guide it gives you; it's okay to be a little bit under or a little bit over. It's just a good way to figure out where you're at and what you need.

Find a good community for support. Whether it's friends, family, or an online community. Don't fall for pro-ana communities. There's a lot of them, and it's important to find communities that support healthy weight loss and healthy habits. These communities will tell you to regularly go below 900 calories, which is not healthy. 900 calorie diets are typically for extreme cases, typically people who are super morbidly obese (typically 300+ pounds) and are in emergency cases where they absolutely need to drop weight quickly. The least you should do is regularly around 1,100 calories, unless you're fasting. I may make another post on fasting by itself because while it's a healthy way to lose weight, there are dangerous ways people go about it.

On a similar note, do not fall for healthy at every size communities. These communities spread mass amounts of misinformation, and will shame you for trying to prioritize your health and lose weight in any way. You can be overweight and still be beautiful and just as amazing as anyone else, but this community is very dangerous, and is just as toxic as pro-ana communities.

Remember that mental health and bodily health coincide. If you have 50+ pounds to lose, there's a chance you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Working on your relationship with food is incredibly important in order to lose weight.

Forgive yourself if you fall off. Remember that if you slip up, you're not starting all over again. You're starting from experience. It's completely normal to slip up, and you should expect it to happen. Don't be too hard on yourself. This is a self love journey, and forgiveness and acceptance is part of self love.

Practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Self criticism, if you're anything like me, might look like, "I have to do this because I'm a screwed up and I ruin everything". Self-compassion is more like, "I know I messed up, but I'm going to do better and make it right because I love myself and deserve better". Fixing your inner-monologue is incredibly important.

I hope this helps! Remember, you're taking care of yourself because you're worth it. You can be beautiful at any size, you can follow these trends at any size. Lose weight for you if you want to, but do it healthfully. <;3

[crones-trash]

Y'all know I have a fascination w books in the hands of people I follow on IG. The other day in her Insta feed, Aarika presented an open book.

Naturally, I zoomed in to see what I could be read.

Naturally, I felt sad about the sweet beauty not having found someone worthy of having an affair w/ her.

Then today Google proved its worth when I searched for "book with chapter title "A Love Affair with Yourself" & got the answer.

CODEPENDENT NO MORE

A couple of quotes from the blurb on the site stood out to me:  "...codependency—the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another..." Damn. I've done that. Also, "Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent."

After the disaster that was my second marriage, I didn't date anyone again for 6 years! Despite having a couple of years of therapy, it took that long for me to feel like risking my heart again.

Anyway, spin this new insight into Aarika's state of mind any way you please.

[pikkirat623]

Staind

What are your favorite Staind lyrics? Here’s some of mine…

“And it’s been awhile since I could

Look at myself straight

And it’s been awhile

Since I said I’m sorry

And it’s been awhile

Since I’ve seen the way the candles light your face

And it’s been awhile

But I can still remember just the way you taste”

- “Its Been Awhile”

“My life has slowly faded

Broken and degradated

Suffocate in my sorrow

Maybe I’ll die tomorrow

This riot that I’ve sited

Came to you uninvited

Truth hurts when it’s in your face

Are you afraid of it?”

- “Self-Destruct”

“But I’m on the outside

And I’m looking in

I can see through you

See your true colors

Cause inside you’re ugly

You’re ugly like me

I can see through you

See to the real you”

- “Outside”

“These are my words

That I’ve never said before

‘I think I’m doing okay’

And this is the smile

That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me cause I

I must be sleeping”

- “So Far Away”

“So this is it

I say goodbye

To this chapter of my ever-changing life

And there’s mistakes

The path was long

And I’m sure I’ll answer for them when I’m gone

When I’m gone”

- “Something to Remind You”

“I feel betrayed

Stuck on your ways

And you rip me apart

With the brutal things you say

I can’t deal with the shit any more

I just look away”

- “Mudshovel”

“My head is a barricade

Filled with peaceful thoughts and evil outcomes

No one understands

Try to break the barrier

I see no outlet

No one’s there to catch me when I fall”

- “Painful”

“Try to hold back

All the anger but it’s a trigger

And I can’t relax

Losing focus on the things you lack

So you push me

To the brink and I don’t know what is next”

- “Lowest in Me”

“Why can’t you just forgive me?

I don’t want to relive all the mistakes I’ve made

Along the way

But I always find a way

To keep you right here waiting

I always find the words to say

To keep you right here waiting”

- “Right Here”

“I am nothing more than

A little boy inside

That cries out for attention

Yet I always try to hide

Cause I talk to you like children

Though I don’t know how I feel

But I know I’ll do the right thing

If the right thing is revealed”

- “Epiphany”

“Cause I sit here locked inside my head

Remembering everything you said

The silence gets us nowhere

Gets us nowhere way too fast”

- “For You”

“So where were you?

With all this I was going through

You never took the time

To ask me just what you could do

I only know that I can change

Everything else just stays the same

So now I step out of

The darkness that my life became”

- “Fade”

“If you believe in me

Life’s not always what it seems

Believe in me

Cause I was made for chasing dreams”

- “Believe”

“I’m fucked up

Distorted

Dysfunctional and drained

All of my

Deep rooted

Fears seem to get the best of me”

- “Nameless”

“Cause I’m afraid to be alone

Afraid you’ll leave me when I’m gone

And I’m afraid to come back home”

- “Home”

“It’s kinda sick

I feel so dirty

I’m kinda tragic

Kinda insecure

But I know

That I’m the only

One who can fix

Whatever’s wrong I’m sure”

- “Just Go”

“The more you take

The more you blame

But everything still feels the same

The more you hurt

The more you scream

The price you pay to play the game

And all you see

And all you gain

And all you step on with no shame

There are no rules

No one to blame

The price to play the game”

- “Price to Play”

“I’m not very good at just paying attention

I’m not very good at remembering things

I’m not very good at pursuing redemption

I’m not very good at concealing the hand that I play

When I’m trying to hard just to beat you

I’m not really good at controlling my fate

I’m not really good at controlling my anger

I’m not really good at subduing my hate

I’m not really good

I’m not really good

I’m not really good”

- “The Way I Am”

“I’m not gifted

Slightly twisted

Try hard, try hard

To see if I can push you any further

Just to soothe me”

- “Suffocate”

“The thoughts from my mind

Command my lips to say I hate you

The thoughts from my mind

Command my hands to cut your silken flesh

The thoughts from my mind

Command my feet to stomp your head

The thoughts from my mind

Have one question

‘When will this ever end?’”

- “Four Walls”

“Now

It’s up to you

The path that you choose

Gotta do something different

Now

It’s all the same

No one to blame

Gotta do something different now”

- “Now”

“I just need this to feel alright

I can’t feel this another night

I can’t take this, I’ve come unglued

I might breakdown in front of you

Necessary to medicate

I’m not sleeping, can’t stay away”

- “Pressure”

“I’m two steps from salvation

But I’m only taking one”

- “Pardon Me”

“Well fuck that, and fuck him

And fuck her, and fuck you

For not having the strength in your heart to pull through

I’ve had doubts, I have failed

I’ve fucked up, I’ve had plans

Doesn’t mean I should take my life with my own hands”

- “Waste”

“Tell me please

Who the fuck did you want me to be?

Was it something that I couldn’t see?

Never knew this would be so political

And please

I’m still wearing this miserable skin

And it’s starting to tear from within

But it’s obvious that doesn’t bother you

So please

Don’t keep telling me that it’s okay

I don’t buy all the shit that you say

And quite honestly I’m fucking sick of it

So please

If I cut off this nose from my face

Then I wouldn’t feel so out of place

But it still wouldn’t be quite enough for you

So please”

- “Please”

“I walk alone

I am alone

I think alone

I’ll die alone

Don’t think I can make it on my own

I think I need someone to save me

Such is life

So sad but true

Kill everything that’s close to you

Try to decide what not to do

You know you cannot control me”

- “Break”

“I already told you

That falling is easy

It’s getting back up

That becomes the problem

Becomes the problem

If you don’t believe

You can find a way out

You’ve become the problem

Become the problem”

- “Falling”

“What the fuck’s the purpose

I didn’t scratch the surface

Immune to what you’re saying

All alone decaying

Everything’s on fire

Darkness, lone desire

Quiet in my corner

Building up the border”

- No One’s Kind”

“Never again

Trusted in you

Fuck everything that you think I should be

I stand

Never again

Never again”

- “Can’t Believe”

“Well I know the words

But I can’t really speak them

To you

And I hide all the pain

That I’ve gained with my wisdom

From you

And I’m eaten alive

By what I hold inside

All the things that I live with

I can’t easily hide

And I’m left here with nothing

Nothing to live for

But you”

- “Excess Baggage”

“The weight of your sorrow

Make some paper wings and learn to fly

If there’s no tomorrow

Burn your paper wings and say goodbye”

- “Paper Wings”

“Sometimes when you’re out of rope

The way to climb back up’s unclear

The walls you build around yourself

I guess they also keep you here

Are you afraid of what they think?

Whoever ‘they’ happen to be

Or are you hiding from

The scars of your own reality”

- “Reality”

“I try and try to break away from all the hate I’m feeling

From every one of you that’s ever done me wrong

I need to justify the reasons for the way I’m living

I guess I can’t cause I don’t feel like I deserve”

- “Change”

“But if you had told me when I was much younger

That life has a way of pulling you right under

I wouldn’t be standing here preaching my hate

Stand at the edge staring into my fate”

- “See Thru”

“A piece of glass

In the sand under your feet

It cuts you deep

And makes you hate the beauty that you see

And you wonder where you are

How you ever got so far

Now you question what went wrong

It’s your heart”

- “Raining Again”

“The pictures left with me won’t fade

These images affect me every day

Cause of you I feel I don’t deserve

The life I see in her”

- “Raw”

“Should I be afraid of the voice that I see?

In the mirror staring back at me

So cold we’re the days when I listened to you

And you say that I’m weak so show me the proof

Because I still exist in spite on you

But I won’t compete with you every day”

- “Schizophrenic Conversations”

“Late at night I can hear your voices

Talking shit about all my choices

You would think that you’ve known me forever

Just because you know my name”

- “Crawl”

“Yesterday

A boy and already afraid

Locked deep inside

My place to hide

To hide from how you make me feel

And I wonder

How’s your brother?

Did he end up fucked up like me?

Lost in himself?

Crying for help?

It’s safe to say”

- “Yesterday”

“I always fail to see

The little things in front of me

The things that mean so much to you

A way to let you know

That I appreciate

The way you always tolerate

But sometimes when I medicate

Frustrations in you

Shows me how you feel”

- “Devil”

“All the demons in my head won’t leave me

I know, I can hear them

All the sacrifices made for nothing

Don’t show, can’t believe in

Wanna show you that I’m good for something

I can, you won’t let me

All your artificial words won’t heal me

Because you can’t accept me”

- “ A Flat”

“So there’s the corner that I sat on

The road I walked home in the rain

And there’s the star I used to wish on

It all just seems like yesterday”

- “The Corner”

“I’ll meet you at the bottom

The waves can’t wash away all the scars you bare

See you at the bottom

Just hold on to the things that keep you there”

- “The Bottom”

“Yeah, like the day that your guardian angel decided to fly away

Yeah, like a bruise that doesn’t fade

Yeah, like a memory that tortures your soul until your dying day

Yeah, like the life you couldn’t save”

- “Failing”

“I wish that I could disappear

Unzip my skin and leave it here

So I could be no one again

I’d never let nobody

I’d let nodboy

I’d let nobody in”

- “Blow Away”

“But everything that I could say to you

Won’t help you

Everything you need is right in front of you

Just take it

Try to make it through the daily pain

That you feel

Maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad

I know it”

- “Take It”

“I’ve learned

That this life’s not just a game

Just a line

Between the pleasures and the pain”

- “Fray”

“Everyone plays the hand they’re dealt

And learns to walk through life itself

Not everything in life is handed on a plate

When people think your words are true

It doesn’t matter what you do

I sold my soul to get here

How about you?”

- “How About You”

“What’s happened to you?

It’s obvious you’ve changed

Something deep inside you

Is probably to blame

Must be lonely up there

With your head all in the clouds

Even though you got there

What does your conscience tell you now?”

- “Falling Down”

“The truth is that I’m not so good

At showing how I feel

Or keeping my mouth shut

When there’s something to conceal

Or knowing how to love

Love’s not in my memory

How can I rise above

All my insecurities?”

- “Run Away”

“You

You understand my pain

From this I gather strength

In that we are the same”

- “Reply”

“Thank you to the people in my life

For putting up with me

Thank you for the time you sacrificed

All on account of me

For all the times I didn’t say”

- “Intro”

“I hate myself for you

I break myself for you

I’d kill myself for you

I better save myself from you

Every time you want me to be

Something you could never be

You’ll just have to wait and see

Til the next time that you have to come again”

- “Come Again”

“You before me

I can’t take any more

Of what you have to offer

My ears are sore

Leave my feelings

In a heap by the door

Can’t go up any further

Come crashing back down”

- “Question?”

I do not own or claim ownership of any lyrics posted here

[littlealeta]

There is so much controversy around Morty’s reactions/behaviors toward Rick leaving with the crows. But hardly any controversy around Rick’s side being just as bad.

I mean the whole story around this is just bad anyway. The fact that the show doesn’t even call out Morty’s behaviors (only Rick’s) and ends up rewarding him by giving him Rick back and idealizing the growth and self-recovery of an abusive, addicted, mentally ill person. And I’m just sick and tired of the characters making mistakes and not even growing from them, especially with the kids.

I don’t want to go into too much detail because it’d be a long fucking story but long story short. The whole thing was just rushed and unearned. Just like the entire fucking season 6 character “growth”. And just out of character for Rick, a guy who wouldn’t give a fuck about learning empathy or even replacing the guy he’s codependent on with some other partner. And how he just nonchalantly leaves the family he loves.

If anything, we should’ve gotten another guilty Rick scene. I mean not only had Rick made a really stupid and weird decision out of good intentions but he also got to see how much he fucked up Morty, his GRANDSON and CLOSEST FRIEND! WHO HE WISHED TO SEE BE BETTER THAN HIM! AND HERE HE IS ACTING LIKE HOW HE ACTED WHENEVER HE THOUGHT HE LOST MORTY! AND JUST ACTING MORE AND MORE RICKLIKE EACH SEASON.

I think the only reason people don’t criticize Rick’s side is because simple as that, they want to see Rick grow. They don’t care about how badly written it could be, they just want to see this egomaniacal, abusive, mentally fucked up, addicted, destructive, saddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos grow. And they don’t care how it’s done because of how terrible he is.

But I’m pretty sure I made my point many times on this site, twitter and reddit. If you want to know more, then just ask me. The-awful-falafel also made a really good post about it too and explains a lot of things better than I could.

These last two season 5 episodes made me lose so much respect for the show and for the main characters and season 6 just ends up making me lose more respect.