#if i keep this in my drafts any longer i will delete this out of fustration and never come back to it

[caterkinnie]

Hi Caterkinnie! Your work is really amazing, thank you so much for all your work in the fandom! I think anyone who sees your headcanons days are brightened! May I request Rook, Jamil, Ruggie and Azul or Vil (up to you) with a friend they have been deeply in love with for a long time, who's just broken up from a long-term bad relationship. I'd find it really interesting to see the angst the boys struggled with while their friend was in such a bad relationship--a relationship that would somehow never end no matter how awful or neglectful their partner was (up to your imagination how their partner was)--and how they handled not letting their deepening love/crush show (if that's how they'd handle it. I honestly have no idea as to how Rook especially would handle this situation). And of course, now that there's been an unprecedented breakup, what now? I hope that wasn't too specific. I just thought it'd be interesting because I just broke up from a long-term relationship @__@ (5 years for me... In my case, I was dating a selfish man child. According to my friends, it was heartbreaking to watch because no matter what they said/did or what he said/did it would never end, so they just had to watch the rollercoaster play out while white knuckled). I haven't seen headcanons on this type of situation yet and how the boys would respond, so I'd love to see your headcanons. Not to mention, your writing is so top knotch, and I feel like you really get the complexity of so many of these characters, that I was pumped to ask when I saw your requests are open. If it's too specific or you're not feeling it, I get it! I hope you keep rocking on with this blog and whatever else you're up to! Thank you for the hardwork!

Supporting you through a bad break up...

❥ ⌗ characters: Rook hunt, Jamil Viper, Ruggie Bucchi, Azul Ashengrotto.

❥ ⌗ Summary: After a long long time with the person who you thought was the love of your life, ended the relationship suddenly with the pretext he was no longer in love. You decided to confide your feelings with your closest friend; a friend who happened to be deeply in love with you.

❥ ⌗ tags: tw for toxic relationship, though details aren't given, there are mentions of arguments and toxic behaviour. didn't proofread enough. sorry if ooc.

❥ ⌗ a/n: sorry anon!!!!!!! I've had this drafted since you requested this... and only now i finished it!!! i couldn't bring myself to delete it as I loved the idea so much. Hope if you see this that you're doing so much better now!!!!

Rook made it very clear from the beginning he had feelings for you, but would not attempt to show them.

He also could see the signs of what seemed to be an unhappy relationship that sooner or later was going to come to an end; signs you probably didn't notice.

He's a very caring man, ever since the moment he met you he always tried to help you in any way, and this was no exception; but he also knew, as much as it hurt him, you needed time to realize that the person you loved didn't treat you in the way you deserved to be treated. It hurt him so deeply to see the way he talked to you, but Rook wasn't a hero who would yell at your boyfriend to stop. He had to be subtle — trying to calm the waters when he was around, defending you in his own way. His heart ached, sometimes with jealousy, sometimes with rage — sometimes both, but he refused to let you know about any of these emotions. He was there for you, whether you needed help or advice.

He helped you because he loved you, he constantly told you how important you were to him and there was nothing he wished more than to take you away and treat you like a queen. But alas, his love was not only unrequited, you were in love with someone else.

Oh, how glad he'd be if only one day you woke up and chose him! The selfish part of him wanted to rush, but he knew he had to be patient... Someday it'd happen, or at the very least... you'd be with someone else who makes you happy, and that's something he would like as well.

But when you come to him to tell him everything that happened...

He's going to comfort you and walk you through the feelings the breakup left… In those cases, he's not as mischievous as he typically is. His voice is soft and soothing, as he tries to get your mind off things, as well as being of support when you need it the most…

He can't bring himself to court you while doing so, although deep down, he wishes someday you'll see his efforts, even if he's not exactly expecting you to fall for him…

However, your now ex-boyfriend will avoid you like the plague, and runs away when Rook is nearby, and you wonder if he had something to do with that….

Jamil warned you about your partner a few times, he didn't want to get TOO involved to avoid making you upset, but every time the subject was brought up…. he felt a deep heaviness in his heart that he hated.

The least thing he wanted was for you to notice his feelings. But maybe he was too insistent on the idea that it was best if you broke up…

But those were genuinely good feelings. He saw how bad you were being treated and constantly found himself thinking… “I could do better, so much better…” Yet he hated himself for it. What could he do, if you never saw anything in him?

He feels all of these things, yet it's like… he only wants you to Not Be with your boyfriend. Jamil believes you'd never love him back as well.

If you came to him for advice, he'd give it to you— but his voice was always restrained… and soon enough, he just tried his best to act as if his feelings weren't there, as if he was just a friend who gave advice and was exhausted by you not following it.

But then… it finally happened, but as happy as he felt, seeing how much it affected you.. it didn't feel like victory (even if it was!)

He wouldn't constantly seek you out. But if you need to vent he's always there. He's not good with comforting words… but his honesty can be soothing and grounding. As well as he might sometimes just try to aid you in general, after all… acts of service (unfortunately) are second nature for him.

Whether it's for food… studying… anything. You don't even have to ask… But he's not expecting you to like him back. And not in a cute “he'll wait for you!” kind of way… he thinks you'd never reciprocate his feelings. And he's not sad about that! Jamil just accepted that as a reality. Whether that changes or not is up to you…

Ruggie's pretty straightforward… Not with his feelings, but with his opinion on your boyfriend.

He takes every chance he gets to say something about him and as much as he tries to play it off as a joke, his voice is bitter… He hates him so much!

Ruggie wants to believe he only hates him because you're someone he could dare to call a friend! He denies any other underlying reason for his distaste for your boyfriend that isn't that he's unfair with you... But obviously, he's a bit prideful, a tiiny bit. He couldn't help but try to impress you every time he could. He wished that you'd see how you deserved to be treated… And maaaaybe how much better he is. And he tries for so long, it's kind of obvious if you know him well. If you're observant enough you might have caught on to his feelings.

However, that all changed when you went to him looking for the comfort of a friend, after your relationship ended…

Like Jamil, Ruggie wanted to feel happy, he wanted to celebrate! Finally you weren't tied to that man-child! You could finally focus on yourself and maaaybe on him….. But when he saw how heartbroken you looked, he couldn't bring himself to act on those emotions. You were hurt, and he hated seeing you like that. Though he's pretty awkward at it… He'll try his best to comfort you, but his words feel stiff and you can tell this is not his area of expertise…

He does so much better when it comes to acts of service. He'll try his best to distract you, make you laugh… which is something he'd love to hear again. He won't dare to mention his feelings however. It'd take a long time before he even considers that he could have a chance.

Unlike everyone before, Azul'd rather stay quiet.

He already hated the idea of having feelings for you, and just wanted to forget you existed to make the tightness in his heart disappear. He wasn't one to believe in love, let alone the fact that you were already committed to a relationship…

Yet because of that same reason he wasn't able to leave.

He had a special way of aiding you out of uncomfortable situations and stupid arguments, almost appearing randomly and requesting attention from one of you. The way he dissipated the tense air by just intruding (literally) was almost comical.

Azul's not sure of what to do, as he always regrets helping you, he says you're hopeless and it's up to you to change the situation… as if he doesn't care at all unless you're going to make a deal with him, but then he ALWAYS comes back, lends a listening ear, maybe greets you with some tea and a few snacks… Oh he pays for them, don't worry. It's a gift.

Then he goes back to feeling guilty for helping you, and frustrated for liking you.

….He's a complex guy.

One of those times, you came to talk to him at his office (which the twins knew you had special priority over his other tasks. Even if he never asked.) and told him what happened, you had an argument and it escalated, leading to the breakup… In which he seemed calm as always listening to you… asking you to sit on the couch as he paid attention to your woes.

He was at a loss for words.

Yes, he did believe this was for the best… but this ACTUALLY happening made him realize he never planned what to do beforehand. He repeated the typical routine, something sweet to drink… something soothing to eat… He's a good listener, and he will easily ignore his crush on you to help you better.

His feelings were always second place for him, and Azul seems like the kind of guy who low-key wishes you don't love him back, as he wouldn't know what to do if you did... (even as flattered as he'd feel, he still struggles with trusting people.)

However… if you're too uncomfortable with tour ex… He might ask the twins to aid you if you wish to not see him again! For free of course. You shoule accept his kindness… as he typically doesn't offer such services for free.

Reblogs are appreciated!!!

[div1nity]

𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄⠀⠀ ‟⠀⠀⠀⠀… ⠀⠀⠀the⠀⠀cost⠀⠀of⠀⠀fame⠀⠀was⠀⠀just⠀⠀a⠀⠀𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍⠀⠀𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒆⠀⠀𝒕𝒐⠀⠀𝒑𝒂𝒚⠀⠀at⠀⠀the⠀⠀time⠀⠀,⠀⠀a⠀⠀little⠀⠀favour⠀⠀and⠀⠀𝖙𝖍𝖊⠀⠀𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖎𝖑⠀⠀would⠀⠀𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒⠀⠀𝑢𝑝⠀⠀𝑚𝑦⠀⠀𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒⠀⠀.⠀⠀but⠀⠀now⠀⠀i'm⠀⠀𝑜𝑛⠀⠀𝑡ℎ𝑒⠀⠀𝑟𝑢𝑛⠀⠀'cause⠀⠀he⠀⠀wants⠀⠀me⠀⠀𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝⠀⠀𝐨𝐫⠀⠀𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞⠀⠀,⠀⠀the⠀⠀fame⠀⠀and⠀⠀fortune⠀⠀got⠀⠀me⠀⠀trapped⠀⠀in⠀⠀a⠀⠀𝘤𝑖𝘵𝑦⠀⠀𝘰𝑓⠀⠀𝘭𝑖𝘦𝑠⠀⠀.⠀⠀mirror⠀⠀,⠀⠀mirror⠀⠀sitting⠀⠀up⠀⠀high⠀⠀on⠀⠀the⠀⠀wall⠀⠀;⠀⠀save⠀⠀me⠀⠀from⠀⠀𝖙𝖍𝖊⠀⠀𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖎𝖑⠀⠀that's⠀⠀ho͟l͟d͟i͟n͟g͟⠀͟⠀͟m͟y͟⠀͟⠀͟s͟o͟u͟l⠀⠀,⠀⠀coming⠀⠀for⠀⠀the⠀⠀favor⠀⠀that⠀⠀he⠀⠀𝒌𝒏͟𝒐͟𝒘͟𝒔⠀⠀that⠀⠀i⠀⠀owe⠀⠀.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ／⠀⠀headcanons⠀ , ⠀⠀threads⠀ , ⠀⠀playlist⠀ , ⠀⠀open starters⠀ , ⠀⠀starter call .⠀⠀ ⠀trigger⠀⠀warnings : ⠀⠀the typical things that come with overwatch : political unrest , murder / assassination all that mumbo jumbo | this is an ever evolving verse , which means more info will be added or changed as time goes on .

ca͟l͟l͟ ͟s͟i͟g͟n : blue ( blackwatch ) | virago ( current : HISTORY , the title has a long and rich history dating back to hellenistic philosophy in ancient greece ; the concept itself linked to the notion of brave men abiding society and being the core of its values and ethics - it's about heroism, morality and physical strength ; women at the time were considered lesser in comparison . however, if exceptional enough - these women could be granted with the title virago - meaning the woman had surpassed the exceptions for what believed possible for her gender and embodied masculine like aggression and/or excellence. virago, then, was a title of respect and admiration. as time went on, the meaning changed to something more negative, 'a domineering, violent, or bad-tempered woman.' or 'shrew' - the title intertwined with it's original meaning and the newest ; however most understand the name to mean the latter . coraline's strong connection to greece and the history is what inspired this title - it's also a little on the nose study that just like the callsign, there is more to coraline and her character than the faracde displayed on the surface . ) bi͟r͟t͟h͟p͟l͟a͟c͟e : britain. lo͟c͟a͟t͟i͟o͟n : bounces around a lot ; has a few apartments in shady spots . however one of her main resting places is a ship that's in the middle of the australian desert ; it has everything she needs . fa͟c͟e͟c͟l͟a͟i͟m : depends when the mood strikes , sometimes natasha romanoff from the marvel comics ; othertime i'll use lara croft both game and comics ; i'll also just use my main live action. ac͟c͟e͟n͟t : due to travelling , coraline's accent has a twinge of everything ; however there is a prominant southen london tone that is more dominant . la͟n͟g͟u͟a͟g͟e͟s͟ ͟k͟n͟o͟w͟n : greek, spanish, russian, swedish, irish, korean, german, chinese, japanese, french, arabic, morse code . sc͟a͟r͟s : deep , red scar across neck from a fatal wound during a blackwatch ops - only managed to survive due to the meds team quick response / talent ; often covered up with a choker , gun shot wounds on left hip and right shoulder . ta͟t͟t͟o͟o͟s : faded blackwatch logo on right side ; clearly in the process of being removed ( is sorrttaa gone recall ; it was a drunken mistake in her ovw era ) / rose thorns circling right thigh , cat tattoo left arm . jo͟b͟ ͟h͟i͟s͟t͟o͟r͟y : worked for overwatch in their undercover division , blackwatch . when disbanded was an assassin for hire with no loyalty to any cause - has a history of being hired by talon acquaintances ; thus starting a complicated , untitled relationship with the group . sk͟i͟l͟l͟s : martial arts , hacking , engineering ( the later two certainly aren't her specialities , they're just things she can do at a low scale . ) po͟w͟e͟r͟s : magic user , has regenerative cells that cause quick healing , this is also why coraline appears ageless - though is mortal , just requires a fatal wound to kill her . ab͟i͟l͟i͟t͟i͟e͟s͟ ͟i͟n͟ ͟g͟a͟m͟e : create portals and jump from different areas of the map ( no team mates can use ) with a 10 second cool down , self healing , smoke bomb that has a 6 second cool down ULTIMATE : duplicates nearby team members for 7 seconds , sending out holograms that mimic the individuals actions . it's the slowest ultimate build due to the intensity of it . lo͟a͟d͟o͟u͟t : M110 semi-automatic sniper , nighthawk aac recon : silenced , throwing knives and an omniblade machete | has an ai companion named hephaestus that helps on missions when/if needed .

𝐏𝐑𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇

the streets have always been coraline's home , even when having four walls and a roof - she didn't shy away from sneaking out and sleeping in alleys in favour of her bed . her parents were abusive ; mean, rich and powerful people who didn't hesitate to weaponize it, even against their own blood . they were reason why she was born with survival flowing through her veins - the reason why she's always had a sharpness about her that the kids around her lacked . it was only a matter of time before she took to them full time , deciding that they were safer than being at 'home' - of cause the streets came with harsh challenges , with ruthlessness - but it was better , making it an environment coraline thrived in all too well .

she needed friends on the streets ... so to speak , friendships are rare in and of themselves - what she needed was allies. meaning snuggling up to gangs in different areas was the next best thing, it was the way to provide safety ; shelter without stepping on anyone's toes, especially with the ever rising conflicts. she didn't carry a title ; at least not internally , outwardly was another story ; realistically, everyone was using each other, it's what made the system work - mutually beneficial relationships, while fickle, have a strength about them the longer you remain useful. within the system there are still special connections to be made - cautious friendships, if you will. with this came trust, in return you can get shelter, food and something that couldn't be gained on her own ; stability and purpose.

it wasn't long before coraline was put to work, things she was more than happy to do - smuggling drugs across state lines, stealing intel from different gangs ; dangerous work, especially for a child - but it was work she thrived in. coraline had a talent for stealth , for having a quickness on feet - it what built her reputation and she wasted no time profiting off of it. there was also the added edge of having abilities that others tyically didn't ; magic usage had only been a small percentage of her life, trying to avoid it as much as possible ; however it came in handy when being sent on the low scale missions - quick healing, the ability to create portals - it made her life easier, it certainly made her far more efficent. though it was a secret held close to heart - she didn't need to go bragging and giving up all her secrets.

it's this what got her on overwatch's radar ; there was a long while of them keeping tabs on her movements, watching from afar and getting a better understanding of her skills and talents - she was the perfect candidate for the organization - the exact sort of skills that they were looking for - though it was a little while before getting involved, obviously waiting for an oppotunity to arise before approaching.

in truth, it didn't take long. the life was catching up with coraline - between gang conflicts coming to ahead, the law slowly closing in and people realising that she was playing both sides with a little too many unfulfilled debts, there were a lot of people seeking her out - the sloppiness had much to do with her worsening drug habit, it was making her reckless, no thoughts going into her actions - she wasn't happy, coraline doesn't remember a time where she was and as a result they were the only things that made her forget about her life - the state she's made of it, it was easy to fall into hopelessness when there wasn't any hope to begin with.

one night, coraline had snuck away from the group after packing up her belongings, what was worth while of it ; a gun, some stolen money and some clothes - it was here when overwatch decided it was time to approach her - extending a helping hand and offering a second chance, a chance to care about something other than herself ; a chance to be someone she could be proud of. coraline didn't really have a choice when accepting, but she'd be lying if she was mad about it.

HEADCANONS :

as mentioned , coraline was heavily involved in drug use ; specifically meth , speed and cocaine - anything that kept her awake and had her blood pumping. there have been several instances of her stealing from stealing from suppliers - giving them the drugs in full, only to sneak back and steal some for herself.

another side gig that was taken up more so as a way to pass the time was partaking in illegal boxing matches - it was something she watched regularly and enjoyed betting on ; it was only a matter of time before taking a personal liking to it ; it was harsh, violent, of cause she couldn't help but be drawn to it - after voicing interest in this, a boxer that hired her to gather intel had taken up the task of teaching her how to fight in a ring ; at first he voiced that she would be stupid to take up going into the ring, even with how much she was learning with him - but that just made the notion more exciting, "it's all about the show, ain't it?" she'd grin, wiping her mouth of blood from a particularly bad punch he'd swung at her - it was then he became aware of how quickly she healed, seeing this, the boxer had taught her how to use her smaller body and strength to her advantage - going up against people her size and the closest to her weight as they could find at the time - but she proved to be a worthy opponent - it was a while before finding her footing, but when that was found she ended up diving into rigging the fights for extra money ; she was in her element. though, it did become just another mess she got herself into.

𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇

before even stepping her foot through the door, overwatch had put coraline in their medical facility in an attempt to help her detox off of the drugs - it was an agonizing road ; dealing with sweats, emotional out bursts and violent mood swings - truly, the most painful experience she had ever been through ; not the fighting, the emotional torment of the streets - simply being away from the drugs almost completely broke her apart, she had relied on them so long to feel anything, to just exist she never realised how much strain they were putting on her body. despite the clear signs of addiction displayed, in truth, coraline never noticed just how much she relied on substances.

it was under a year before overwatch decided they were satisfied with her recovery, though given her cells, she recovered quickly ; at least physically, there was still the aspect of dealing with the mental torment of it all in the aftermath - but she said as long as she kept her mind busy, she would be fine - she feels ready to take on the world, to start new - she's never felt as good as she did in that moment - with the vote of confidence, they put her to work - well, training most specifically ; honing in on her fighting skills, practicing shooting - she had fun with it, even acting as a therapy.

she struggled learning how to trust - she lived her life backstabbing, lying and manipulating - it was the way things were. to suddenly change up the dynamic and put her life in the hands of other people in such a way caused her to have a slight crisis - team building exercises were regular, helping her get used to people, in a way, overwatch was helping her to completely rewire her social perception. it was a painful road seeing people as friends and not as enemies, but after a long time, of training with them and fighting along side them - she began to open herself up. allowing herself to get comfortable, to get somewhat soft around others and become docile - she was happier ; she was putting her talents to use while not having to worry about going home and getting stabbed in her sleep.

MORE TO BE ADDED .

HEADCANON :

i personally hc that coraline was a part of the venice mission, because .. c'mon, it's fun to think about - and while a lot of her portrayal revolves around the core four, if you're a blackwatch writer ( gabriel , genji , moria , cassidy ) and don't vibe with the idea, then that's fine ! just let me know - because i can make it so the impact bw had on her are faceless within the group rather than specifically canon charcters.

𝐏𝐑𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋

after the collapse of overwatch, it took a little while for coraline to get back on her feet ; naturally , this left a large hole in her life that was originally filled by the group - they found her when she was at her worst and as a result she truly never pictured a time where she'd be without them . looking back , she realises how foolish she had been to put so much faith in something that wasn't even remotely sustainable - it was an undercover military group , the shadow of something that represented an artificial light that never truly existed in the first place ; it was bound to collapse in on itself from the weight of sins that it carried ; however she was young , she had a spark in her that made her hopeful - vulnerable , weaker - a mistake she promised to herself to never make again .

she took some time away , retirement so to speak , though without any of the actual relaxing ; taking the time to learn new skills ; languages , hacking , engineering - she knew already knew how to kill , how to fight ; blackwatch saw to that - they had taught her everything she needed to know , but that's nothing without the intelligence and added skills to back that up ; killing , fighting - it was easy, anyone could do it - there always needs to be an added edge . she built gadgets , practiced hacking anything that was of interest - she wanted to be better , she wanted to make herself bulletproof because she knew the path she was about to go down required her to be the best - at least be better than who she once was .

before going back on the field, her first move was to erase herself completely - cleaning up every little shadow of herself she could find in an attempt to have a fresh start, to burn her past self to the ground and rise from the ashes - not necessarily as someone better. her illegal boxing matches from her teenage years, the drug smuggling and gang activity, her time at overwatch - thrown out, as if it never happened at all. any trace of her legal name was gone, she preferred it that way, in this moment came some sort of clarity , even if dipped in melancholy - she became a new person, she had her entire life ahead of her without any of the baggage holding her down - though with this new found lightness, came a lot of bad ideas - ones she was more than happy to live out despite the grave consequences that will unfold from them . continuing the career of mercenary seemed like the most logical line of work for her to go in ; so that's what she did . nothing unusual, nothing that she wasn't already used to ; but eventually she fell into the assassin career, it was one that took a little too easily - even worse, she enjoyed it - she was far too good at the work and it eventually became the new norm in her contracts.

coraline's problem was she didn't really know herself, never took the time to learn. there was no outside of the violence ; because that's all there was, she can't picture not being behind a gun . finding herself in this line of work was natural progression from her previous employment . with dedication, pride and a swift efficiency - it only took a couple of years for her name to become a whisper in the places where it mattered. much like before overwatch she took to the moto of once again having no loyalty , no moral code - she didn't care who was the target, just that the pay was heavy and the client knew what it meant to be inconspicuous - she became the go to gun when needed something done ; swift, quick, easy and was already out of the targets vicinity when the pulling the trigger . eventually she was hired by higher profiles, being paid to off ceos, politicians and high end criminal targets .

coraline can always been seen wearing a mask, without one she feels naked, exposed and far too seen ; people describe her as cold, calculated, lacking empathy - but in truth … that isn't the case, though her actions certainly prove otherwise . she still has moments of hesitating when she knows certain targets don't deserve it, has moments of taking a sharp breath through teeth and closing her eyes as she pulls the trigger and wincing once the bullet goes through a target - she has a job to do and a title to maintain - so ultimately, it gets done, no matter what ; the guilt, the dirty feeling that sticks to her after every mission is ignored, as a result she isn't in the best headspace - forcing herself to shut down as much as humanly possible ; though that's just it, she's still human and living isn't as easy as it used to be - or maybe she's just getting old and faking it is becoming harder ; it's an unwavering farcade that very few can see beyond.

HEADCANONS :

coraline's kill methods range from distance to up close and personal. her usual sign that she was the person behind the kill is kills via blade ; usually leaving behind quite a scene, especially when she deems someones death worthwhile. she likes to see the light fade from someones eyes, likes to be reminded what it looks and feels like when someone dies right in front of her ; it's easy to pull a trigger. it's another thing to hear the final breaths. this is also a method to keep her emotions in check, in short ; not only is it fun, but there's an element of personal mental self harm by putting herself through the trials to stop her going soft.

𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋

work in progress .

[withlovemark]

to be loved - steve harrington

warning: mentions of steve's wounds, little angst! but it's a happy ending i promise

pairing: steve x reader

words: 2.3k+

summary: steve finally allows himself to believe in love again

an: i posted this a couple of days ago? and just now realized it got deleted. not really sure what happened there. anyways, found this in my drafts a week ago? (i have no concept of time). i didn't want to leave it rotting there so i wrote a quick ending and here you go. hope its okay!

-

three light taps, a knock that echoed throughout the boy’s dimly lit room, a sound enough to startle him after the events that have taken place in the past few days. not a single other person was in this house, a normality that he has accepted. steve’s parents were never around and he had no other relatives that would even care if he was still alive. his friends were a bunch of high schoolers, except for robin and…you.

he knows he’s messed it up with you. he can see it with the way you avoid his glances, the way you would choose to sit in the furthest chair away from him, the way you would get quiet when he was around and the way you stopped yourself from reaching out for him. the familiarity of your touch is no longer accessible, becoming only a memory. he can’t blame you though, your last words to him still replaying in his mind, loud and clear.

“i don't think i can do this anymore steve, i can't keep coming to your house, sleeping in your clothes, doing things that friends aren’t supposed to be doing, just for you to still be thinking about her.” 

he’s about to roll over onto his bed. to sleep the remnants of the past away. to keep ignoring everything like he always does and get ready for a new day, pretending he was healed. that he was okay. he was not. 

nowadays, it’s easier to slap a smile on his face instead of talking about his feelings. the last time he let himself truly feel something, he got his heart ripped out of his chest and trampled upon like it meant nothing, like it was a rock you could use to skip stones, one that you could let go of and not care enough whether it comes back to shore or get lost in the deepest parts of the lake. 

another knock makes its way to his ears. he thinks he’s imagining it until another one comes. grabbing the bat he hid between his nightstand, he slowly made his way to his bedroom door, feeling absolutely drained. the pain on his stomach, from the demobats that got a taste, still stinging, a pain that travels throughout his body with every miniscule movement. slowly, he carefully unlocks his door, ready to swing, until his brown eyes meet your wide, shocked ones. letting out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding, he slowly lowers his bat. 

“hi,” you whisper, “i uh, got in using the spare key,” a sheepish smile on your lips, holding up the silver key that was hidden in the dead plant placed on his front door. the key he told you about so you could sneak into his house at any given moment. the key that led to love marks all over his body, painting pink and purple constellations. the key you haven’t used since that night you decided to end whatever it was there to end. 

“you agreed to no feelings, that we would just be friends with benefits and that's it, you know that's all it could be,” steve has his face resting on his palm, his once perfectly styled hair going in different directions. like this - bare chest, lips still red from yours, neck stained beautifully by the artwork you left behind, he looked like he belonged in an art gallery. 

“i-i know, but i-i couldn’t help it…it’s just so easy to fall in love with you,” a confession that leaves the boy paralyzed, doe, teary eyes staring up at his brown ones — almost pleading.

“stop. you don’t know what you’re saying.” he’s angry. mad that those words could slip past your lips so easily. mad that even though you’re looking at him like he somehow brought the moon to you, he still can’t find it in himself to believe it. 

“steve-,” you try to reach out for his hand but he pulls away before you could even feel him. all you want is to pull him into your arms, to remind him that he is worth loving but you see the battle in his eyes, the war that’s taking place in his mind and you know he has his kingdom closed, walls up, ready to strike and defend himself at any second. there is no room for you in his castle, you see that now. 

“i-im sorry,” your voice was gentle, afraid he’ll completely lock the gate on you. the last thing you wanted was to fight, you’re defenseless when it comes to him. 

“let’s just pretend that none of this happened and we can go back to being friends, nothing changes and for the sake of us and the others, no questions asked,” his words were met with silence that cuts through like a sword against your neck. 

you felt detached from reality, feeling like you were watching this conversation happen instead of being a part of it. you had no control when you slowly got off his bed and quietly switched back into your clothes, his words transferring a sort of numbness to your whole being. 

he watched as you removed his t-shirt from your body and tossed it into his laundry bag, slipping back into your own clothes, making him think that his old t-shirt looked way better on you. yet all he did was watch. watched as you gave him one last forced smile and walked out of his room. the sound of the front door opening and closing traveling throughout the house. 

the days that followed after were stolen glances, opposite directions, uncomfortable silences, tiptoes, lingering feelings, longing stares, tension. neither one budged nor made the effort to even act like friends, going along with the others like they were fools when in reality, there can be no one more foolish than the pair. 

“hi?” he greets you just as quietly, head tilted, confused, like a puppy who was hearing a new sound for the first time. he sees you glance at his bandaged stomach, eyes traveling up to his bruised neck and notices the way you want to reach out to him but just like all the other times before, you stop yourself. 

“i-uh i brought you some food, and a first aid kit,” your voice still a mere whisper, he nods, guards down, stepping aside as you walk into the room you’ve been in countless times before. 

you placed the bag on his vanity, taking out it’s contents one by one and like before, he sat upon his bed and watched — a bowl that seemed to contain his favorite chicken noodle soup coming into view, it’s aroma hitting his nostrils, a clear tupperware filled with your famous homemade chocolate cookies, one that smells like home, the ones the kids would fight over with, resulting to an extra batch made just for him since he never won. 

he suddenly realizes how hungry he was, not really having the motivation nor the appetite to keep his stomach full. his body responds by lightly growling, a sound he hoped you didn’t hear.

“you should eat,” you break the silence, looking at him through his vanity mirror, “gonna need all your strength back to make sure you can always play hero,” you send him a small smile, he softly chuckles at your words, eyes falling to his sheets which suddenly became interesting, when was the last time he changed his sheets anyway. 

“i also brought you new bandages so you can change that every couple of hours, make sure it doesn’t get infected, with all these monsters around, that’d be the lamest way to go, y’know?,” you joked, trying to lighten the air. he stares at your back, contemplating. regardless of the fact that you were always an arm length away, he missed you.

he wants to be selfish. he wants to be taken care of, to be loved. 

and for the first time in a while, his mind is silent, focusing only on the fact that you are there.

making his way over to you, he wraps his arms around your waist, hands falling on top of each other, sitting tightly on your stomach, his head hiding on the crook of your neck, light puffs of air falling from his lips causing goosebumps to rise all over your body. he feels you stiffen, holding your breath, before relaxing back into his chest, hand gently hovering over his. you stay that way for a while, a minute or two, before you turn around, still in his embrace. slowly your hands make their way to his neck, fingers dancing lightly around his red, bright scar and ever so gently, landing around his cheek, eyes on yours, “are you okay?”

with those three words, the gates open and with it came a river of tears. he shakes his head no and this time, he lets you pull him into your arms as he found solace in your warmth, your perfume that smelled like the sweetest of flowers, making him feel like the sun was on his back as he laid his head on your chest. your fingers immediately run through his silky hair and he feels like a huge weight has just been lifted off his shoulders. 

“thank you for being here,” his voice hoarse from the quiet cries that slipped past his lips, he pulled away, admiring the way the moonlight from his window reflected itself into your eyes, brushing back the strand of hair that dangled in front of them. 

“i-i thought i was gonna lose you,” words that broke the boy’s heart. he can’t even imagine what he would have done if the roles were reversed. “i-i was so scared,” you continue, trying to hold back the tears that were begging to fall. 

“hey,” rough palms making it’s way to your cheeks, softly caressing you, golden eyes shining, “you will never lose me.”

“haven’t i already?,” you cry out. you hated the way you danced around him like he was a stranger. hated the fact that you couldn’t allow yourself to find comfort in him, afraid you would cross the line that the boy remarkably drew out and completely lose access to him. 

“no,” he lightly shakes his head, “ no….hey, look at me,” his finger under your chin, gently pleading for your eyes to find his. “i’m right here, i’m not going anywhere, i’m sorry i’ve been running, i was just…scared,” he admits. 

“scared of what?,” you urge him on, waiting for the answer to the problem you’ve been trying to solve. his hands find their way around yours as he looks down, composing his thoughts. 

“i was scared you would finally realize there will always be someone better, that you’d leave and i’d be all alone again,” he spills his truths. and you can’t fathom how blind you’ve been to not see it. the reason behind nancy appearing in his thoughts. 

“i’m not her, you know?” you say quietly. he nods, “i-i know,” he says guiltily. 

“and i don’t want better, steve…i just want you,” you confess into the night, steve feels all the air rush into his lungs, almost like he was learning how to breathe for the first time. he searches your eyes for any signs of doubt but only saw his own reflection in them. 

“do you want me?” you barely heard your own voice, afraid of the answer. he scoffs, “god, is that even a question?,” you look at him, confusion etched onto the creases of your eyebrows and steve almost wished the bats got him instead of realizing that he has left you doubting his feelings for you.

“of course i want you,” his brown eyes staring deeply into yours, “i can’t get you out of my head, all this time all i wanted was to be near you, to hold your hand, god, y/n i’m in love with you and i prayed, god i prayed to a guy i barely believed in that we would both make it out there alive because i-i can’t imagine my life without you and-,” he’s breathless, telling you everything he has wanted for weeks. word after word stumbling out of his lips as your smile grew with every syllable, until you couldn’t take it anymore. 

you pulled the boy towards you and like magnets, you connected, quickly placing your lips against his before your eyes drowned in your favorite color, the smile forming on his lips evident “i said it before but i’m in love with you too.” 

his eyes soften, finally allowing himself to believe those words, soft lips meets yours once again, battling, making up for all the lost time, hands automatically finding its way up his brown curls like they were meant to always be there, his, around your waist, pulling you as close to him as possible, fearing that if he let you go, you’ll disappear as if it was a dream.

but as you make that little sound, the one that drives him crazy, butterflies erupting in his stomach, he knows that this is better than any dream he could ever imagine. you were here with him. you were in love with him. 

your hands slowly starts making its way down to his body, but before the situation could escalate, he can’t help but break the kiss off, the pain from his wounds still evident, he lets out a sharp moan, “ow,” snapping you back to reality.

“oh my god, i'm so sorry,” you apologize, inspecting his bandages. 

“don’t be,” he reassures you, a light kiss placed upon your lips, “you’re worth it,” he teased, causing your giggles to harmonize, his forehead leaning against yours, a content sigh slipping off his lips. two eyes crinkling, sharing light smiles. 

“as much as i would love to stare into your eyes forever” you break the dream-like state, “i worked really hard on that chicken noodle soup and it would be a shame for it to go to waste,” you laugh and he holds on to the moment as long as possible. 

“now, we wouldn’t want that, plus we have forever to lovingly gaze in each other’s eyes,” he winks, sending you into a fit of laughter. he kisses you one more time before grabbing your favorite t-shirt, his t-shirt, in his drawer and handing it to you.  

an: i really don't post in this acc unless i have something to post lmao. also, currently in my bridgerton phase so don't mind the profile pic, or do mind it? feel free to let me know your favorite bridgerton :)

[paintingwhiteceilings]

❃How EXO acts around their crush❃

a/n: This is 10000% just for my own pleasure. I may have had this in my drafts for weeks... I am totally okay with all the Kyungsoo solo content and EXO ladder dropping. Totally. Super functional, delusional who?

ALSO to any EXO-L that are sharing Chen's LEAKED wedding photos. Please be respectful and either delete them or, at the very least, blur out his wife's face. Chen has gone to great lengths to safeguard her privacy, as she is not famous nor wants to be in the spotlight. Not to mention that there could be crazy sasaengs out there with ill intent. Sharing her info is basically doxing, and it is insane to me how many people shared these posts without much thought. Anyway, I needed to share my frustrations.

Xiumin/Minseok:

✾ He is a lot shyer than the other members; where most of EXO probably feels comfortable enough to act on their crushes, he is a bit more reserved. He wants to test the waters first, ascertaining whether the feeling is mutual. Whenever you are around and are talking to other people, he sits back silently, observing your reactions.

✾ Xiumin is smiling so widely around you that the other members worry that his muscles might start cramping up soon. The moment he sees you, his bubbly personality starts to really shine through, and sometimes you can't help but wonder whether this man truly is 33.

✾ That being said, from the moment that anyone offers Xiumin a couple of drinks, his confidence spikes, and he will start flirting with you. His flirting is still extremely sweet and cute; Xiumin can be incredibly charming when he wants to be.

Suho/Junmyeon

✾ He is such a gentleman around you, trying to make you feel at ease with his kind gestures. Whether it is him pulling back a chair or opening a door for you, he will do anything to make you feel like a princess.

✾ Being one of EXO's proud black card owners, he will casually buy you whatever you need. He keeps repeating that he wants to treat his friends when you try to interject. You can't completely refute it; he does spend a lot of money on the members. Yet, you can't help but feel like his gifts are slightly too expensive and excessive for 'just friends'.

✾ So. Many. Soft. Glances. Suho looks at you like you hung the moon and the stars; you catch him staring at you almost every time you look over. Conversations with him can, therefore, be a tad awkward. He doesn't always register what you are saying; he is so absorbed in watching you that he forgets to listen.

✾ The other members relentlessly tease him for it. If you don't catch on based on Suho's actions, you will definitely catch on due to his members' relentless teasing. Whenever he does anything remotely romantic around you, their faces light up like Christmas came early. The members are not subtle about it whatsoever, thoroughly enjoying putting their leader in a slightly uncomfortable position.

Baekhyun:

✾ The members didn't think it was possible, but Baekhyun somehow became louder. It is as if he wants to draw your attention simply by screaming, as he no longer has any volume control when you are around. Everyone can hear your conversation from across the room, and his laughter becomes borderline obnoxious as it overpowers any other sound.

✾ He is such a tease and a suggestive one at that. Considering he has no problem revealing intimate, not suitable to be aired on national TV, details about the members' bodies, he won't have any trouble suggestively flirting with you. Where Xiumin's pick-up lines are cute, Baekhyun's are far from it. Give this man some holy water, Jesus.

✾ He is so intense with his flirting that it sometimes crosses the line of sexy to parody, coming off as a joke. Baekyhyun has a very flirty personality and isn't above flirting with his friends. Even though he isn't subtle about his crush, he can accidentally fall into the "he flirts with everyone" category, making you question whether he genuinely likes you or is just being friendly.

✾ He really enjoys the chase when it comes to relationships. Thus, it will take him quite some time before he asks you out, simply because he likes the push-and-pull game.

Chanyeol

✾ There is nothing subtle about Mr. Park Chanyeol. The moment he sees someone he wants to date, he is going for it full steam ahead. Puppy Chanyeol is momentarily retired as he makes his way over to you; Chanyeol knows that he is handsome and sexy, and he is ready to show it to you. I hope you weren't interested in anyone else because the moment you return any of his interest, he will be flirting with you like there is no tomorrow.

✾ Internally, he is so excited to be talking to you, and sometimes, you will see glimpses of his cute puppy-like persona, especially once he feels like you are just as interested. Still, the words coming out of this man's mouth, Jesus part two. Please go and ask Baekyhun to pass the holy water.

✾ That being said, he will get embarrassed when the other members are around or slightly bashful when you return his flirting at full force. I don't think Chanyeol is used to anyone sharing his level of intensity, so once you do, he gets a bit flustered. He absolutely loves it, though. Your compliments got him grinning from ear to ear.

D.O./Kyungsoo

✾ Don't get me wrong, I adore this man to a delusional extent, but he is absolutely hopeless when it comes to communicating with his crush. He won't go anywhere near you if he can't help it; he prefers looking at you from afar. He is someone who favours being approached first over approaching you himself. It isn't that he doesn't want to talk to you; he simply isn't the type of person to initiate contact with his crush and tends to stay back when he can tell that someone else is interested, too. 

✾ Even if he finds himself near you, don't expect him to have a full-blown conversation with you. He already tends to be a man of little words, but when it comes to you, he is a man of not a single word. Being around you is enough to make him happy; he doesn't really need to have a deep conversation. 

✾ Nevertheless, his actions make more than up for it. He is such a gentleman, being the definition of preferential treatment. You don't have a chair to sit on? He will quietly offer you his. Your sweater got caught on something? He will silently help you get it out. Although he may not say much to you, he communicates his feelings through his actions. 

Kai/Jongin

✾ If you think Xiumin or Kyungsoo are shy, you have not yet met Kai with a crush. He turns into absolute mush the moment he sees you, giggling and blushing whenever you do as much as breathing. You can't even see him because he has resorted to hiding behind the other members, preferably Sehun or Chanyeol, as they are tall enough to obscure him completely.

✾ If he somehow musters up the courage to talk to you, good luck having it go anywhere because he can barely make it through a sentence without giggling. It is obvious to everyone around him that he is smitten with you; his laughs are awkwardly loud, and his eyes are literally shooting hearts.

✾ The moment he manages to ask you to dance, his shy demeanour completely changes. His movement… His expressions… The way he is smirking at you… Maybe you should go and ask Chanyeol whether there is anything left of the holy water he borrowed from Baekyhun.

Sehun

✾ He has one of two ways of acting around his crush: either he acts super bratty or becomes painfully shy. It depends on whether he has met and talked to you before. But, if you are complete strangers, he would be so quiet, hiding in the furthest corner he can find.

✾ He will pester the members to go over and collect as much information as they can about you. They will do it because he will whine the entire night about it if they don't and, repeat with me, what Sehun wants, Sehun gets. The members try to convince Sehun to go talk to you himself, but Sehun stubbornly refuses. Bro will be playing the Maknae card harder than he ever has in his entire life.

✾ In the end, he will drag Suho with him, trying to 'casually' strike up a conversation with you. The small talk is painful, and in all honesty, Suho, with his dad jokes, isn't helping in the slightest. At the very least, it provides the two of you with a new conversational topic: the teasing of Suho.

masterlist

[copperbadge]

What do you mean by digital cleaning?

It's something I've been working on more this year because I had a bit more travel than usual so couldn't do actual home cleaning, but I always take a couple of days in the Month Of Cleaning where I'm focused on my digital life. It's good to make your physical home a comfortable place for yourself, but it's also good to recognize that we have "digital" homes that need attention. And often this is at least less physically demanding, so it's good to keep it in your back pocket for days when you're mentally okay but physically too tired or sore to do more of that kind of work.

In the shortest possible terms, digital cleaning is just making sure that your phone, computer, socials, and other digital "presences" are organized in a way that you find helpful, and that you take a moment to either answer those messages you've been putting off or give yourself amnesty on doing so.

This tends to make a lot of people extremely anxious in a way ordinary physical space cleaning doesn't, so I'm going to put the rest of it behind a cut...

So when I say digital cleaning, I refer to stuff like going through my likes on Tumblr and clearing them out, going through my drafts and turning them into queued posts, answering my asks. I spend time in my email inboxes, either responding to messages or removing them. I am not an "inbox zero" kind of guy, but I like to keep the read-but-not-answered messages to a minimum, and towards the end of the year that usually means a clear-out and amnesty. I clean my Google Drive -- delete old files I uploaded for others, move documents I'm no longer using into an archive, move documents I want to work on into a central work folder. I go through my catch-all folder on my hard drive and organize it; I sort through the year's photos and organize those, partly to archive them and partly because I make a scrapbook from them each year. I don't usually have a ton of tabs open but often have more than I'd like, so I go through them all and either read, bookmark, or get rid of them.

I look in my phone's file tree to make sure I delete files I don't need (mostly menu downloads, Restaurants Stop Making Your Menus PDFs Challenge 2K24) and I sometimes go through each app on my phone, make sure I still use it, and make sure it's set how I want it. If this sounds like a nightmare, bear in mind that I very rarely put apps on my phone to start with -- I think my mother has more apps open at any given time than I have apps on my phone ever.

Everywhere I clean, I look for files named things like "notes" or "deal with" or "random" and move them all into one place so that whatever is in them, I can sort through it and make sure it goes somewhere permanent. Logins go in the login/password spreadsheet I keep, addresses go into my contacts, story notes go into a "fiction scraps" file, random thoughts either get moved into a journal file or put into drafts to become Tumblr posts, etc.

If this sounds like I might have some kind of compulsion disorder, I get that; when I explain my digital hygiene systems a lot of people look at me like I'm spouting a mad but harmless conspiracy theory. But it's something I used to have to do periodically even before I created National Clean Your Home Month, because otherwise I could never find anything, and everything was just...harder. As I once told a boss who admired my organizational skills, "It was this or endless chaos."

Putting addresses into my contacts list means I always know that the addresses I have for my friends are up to date. Putting logins into a spreadsheet means that five minutes spent now will not result in five weeks of procrastination later because I can't find the login and can't do anything else until I do that. Going through my email and archiving old conversations means not only can I find them easily when needed, I don't have to look at them the rest of the time. Sometimes I even go through my various wish lists and remove old/purchased items, or clear out all my "save for later" carts.

There's no doubt this is stressful, but like every part of NaClYoHo, it's broken down into smaller tasks; I don't have to look at my computer and organize everything on it all in one day. I can answer a few asks, then sort photos (something I find very soothing up until the moment I Don't), then read and delete some emails, then I'm done for the day. I can spread "answer or file all your work emails" out over a couple of days. I can maybe empty out my Likes but just turn the ones I actually want to reblog into drafts for now and deal with them later in the "drafts" phase of cleaning. And if I don't manage to empty out my inboxes, at least they're emptier than they were.

I'm struggling this morning with having put a bunch of physical cleaning on the to-do list but not feeling physically up for it, so I did what I felt capable of doing (measuring cabinets for new shelf liners mainly) and later today I might sit down and start building this year's photobook. Or not -- I have to code Radio Free Monday, sort out a prescription and possibly go pick it up, plus a very full day of work and a couple of afternoon appointments I can't shirk, so today may simply be a "get through the day" kind of day. That's okay too; some days the spirit is willing but the schedule is full.

[spirk-trek]

Hey so, it's me. The debbie-downer vaguing you in the spirk tag. I didn't mention you directly because my post wasn't directed at you, although it was made in response to checking some of your posts because I do have Unification in my filtered list (content and tag), so those fanworks? Behind a button, so my choice to look is all my own. (I didn't send the anon, though. That was someone else, sorry to say.) It sucks that that's how tumblr's system works but yay content filtering! Tumblr didn't always have that.

I didn't make that post to start drama, and I'm not the sort to get my kicks by being a contrarian for opposition's sake (like. I'm a Shatner fan. In a lot of online Star Trek spaces, I might as well say I hate K/S or Leonard Nimoy or kick puppies in my spare time, you know?), but I did make it in anger and for that I apologize. I should have waited longer on it to phrase things better or simply have deleted it from my drafts after typing it out. (But it's out there now and I'll live with it.)

I do understand where the joy of connecting the past to the present comes from (as a lot of your posts do with connecting old and new fanworks together), and that a lot of people are celebrating the Unification short as a culmination of 50+ years of K/S despite their initial separation according to the initial story, but for me (personally! I want to stress that. It's just me and my own opinion here), I keep seeing it as a valuing of what a company is finally offering fans rather than the celebration of fans who saw where K/S's story ended at the time, rejected that ending that was offered by the corporation, and made their own ending for K/S, without looking towards any official channels as a guide for their visions. That's what my post was about, where my anger was from, those questions--what becomes lost in fandom if we accept canon from the corporation that holds the copyright? What does it say if we look towards that same canon as being above what fandom has already envisioned? In a fandom as old as Star Trek's, one that laid so much groundwork that we take for granted, to overlook that worries me.

I suppose the biggest issue here is it's too similar, like a reflection in a mirror: on one side, Unification stands as the canonization of what the fandom has envisioned all along. It culminates. On the other, Unification appears as a bone tossed to finally appease fans who have seen K/S from the start and it feels too little, too late. Ironically enough, the short has seemingly managed to divide people, but it's too early to tell how lasting such a division could be.

Hopefully I've cleared the air by this. Unification clearly is not my cup of tea and I'm honestly not trying to ruin anyone's fun (most of my posts have gone untagged for a reason but I forget tumblr still parses for post content to index. Yikes. That post was tagged, though, because it was a snap decision made in anger and I wanted my thoughts to be seen). One could argue the short wasn't even made for me as I've long wondered if I will watch Generations because I've read the summary and didn't like it. But that's the joy of fandom and transformative works. We can look at the story and pick our favorite parts and rewrite the ones we don't like. If we didn't do that, fandom wouldn't exist, or it would but it wouldn't be as much fun.

Sorry for the essay in your inbox and for causing any confusion and hurt. I hope you've had a great day 💛

i'm not going to lie, it does hurt a little. i wasn't going to answer this publicly but i don't have the time today to have a private convo and i don't want you to think i deleted it or ignored it, so here we are.

i don't think unification made spirk any more canon than tmp did. i don't think the short was made with k/s in mind at all, even as a bone to toss starving shippers. star trek at large was never intended as a love story between them, but people have always seen it anyway. 

i'm conflicted about the use of nimoy's likeness too. despite that, i think that they did it as respectfully as they could have and involved the right people. it was a goodbye, not using him for a cheap cameo or advertising purposes (yes i know it was an "ad" like everything is, but it's not like spock holds up a coke at the end). you can disagree with me, and i understand your point of view. that's why i said i understood where that anon was coming from. 

what i see is william shatner and others taking a story that ended in a way that was disrespectful to both characters, one of which he himself has been playing for the majority of his life, and trying to fix that. it doesn't mean there's no corporate greed involved. both can be true. at least they posted it on youtube, they didn't premiere it or put it behind a paywall. it was just eight minutes, and less than a quarter of that had nimoy's face in it. my favorite part of the whole thing was seeing tos kirk meet his future selves. i love that even though they both die out of their times, they find each other in the end. 

i don't want to be an activist or defend or endorse anything, i just... 

those zines i tagged were 1) a poem by della van hise that was so accurate to the short that others were already reblogging it (i posted it weeks ago). i found it super interesting that she wrote a poem about them meeting again in death before tmp/wok even came out, let alone this short. 2) i was gushing about unification in the tags. 3) another poem about being side by side, which again, i found incredibly relevant. the other one i posted was because it went well with the others visually. it has nothing to do with unification other than the fact that spock is laying down. 

this has just made me sad tbh. i'm not angry and i love your analysis/fan work so much, so :( idk, i don't want anything i post to be divisive or disrespectful. i wasn't even worried about that before. i just really needed a win and maybe i clung to that a little too hard :/

[audioroleplayconfessions]

I sped the queue up a bit, but it's still backed up by about eleven days (normally there's 10-15 asks in the que, right now there's 55). If your confessions take a little longer than normal to post, don't worry. Sorry if some of them are time sensitive, it's been a lot to review and queue all of these up.

Part of the reason it's so backed up is because this blog has suddenly started circulating a lot more, unfortunately because of some community drama. I'm going to go through the un-queued asks in the inbox and the current que and clean it out a little. I like having this blog and keeping it as a place for people to express themselves, but I hate that whenever it becomes a hub for community drama I get a burst of new activity that overwhelms the page. Every time this happens I get less asks about honest opinions, and more asks related to conflicts that creep and escalate and become increasingly personal as they progress.

I'm not gonna lie, it's been exhausting running this lately. When people can't direct their aggression at anons they have an issue with, they often direct it at me in their place. If I don't reply to angry DMs/comments/reblogs sent to me, the same people repeat their point in anon asks aimed at me. I'm busy, I can't be the center of this many controversies. I have college finals up next week, the holidays are always a stressful time for me, and the shit that's been going on with this blog has been mentally draining.

I really want to have a place where people can express themselves but some of these asks are exhausting to review. I get some seriously fucked up asks directly attacking VAs, making unfounded negative assumptions about their moral character and personal lives, speculating on their sexualities in invasive ways, etc in ways that have nothing to do with their audios. When I refused to publish a "hit list" of fandom members that some people wanted kicked out of the community I got rants full of anon hate attacking me for "defending them" by not letting an unaccountable anon put them on the chopping block.

As much as I want to provide uncensored free expression I'm going to start erring on the side of caution and deleting some asks that I'm on the fence about. If they feel malicious, accusatory, inflammatory, or likely to turn into community conflicts I'm either deleting them or putting them into the drafts to revise when my head is clear. I hate deleting asks, even if they're something I don't agree with or something that bothers me. I don't want people to feel censored, but things are spinning out of control way harder than I'd expect from a small blog with only a few hundred followers. When I have time I'm going to revise the rules on what is and isn't allowed. I might freeze or slow down the que while I'm revising this blog, I think I'm going to also go back and delete a handful of asks that I let through.

Sorry for any delays this might cause.

- Ringmaster

[epitomees]

HAPPY NEW YEAR GANG!!!

Another year has started, and another year of potential interactions waits for us all!! I'm more than excited and eager to start cracking down on things around here, but I did want to give a bit of a heads up before I attempt to head dive into things today.

I greatly dislike how many drafts and asks I've built up over this year. Some have been left untouched because my stupid pea brain told me 'I'll get to it later' and then 3 months pass without me remembering about it. Other things I've been trying to answer but then I don't like how I wrote it so I saved it for later and then never got around to it. If you know me well, I never like to delete these asks/drafts from my writing partners since they put their time and energy into crafting an interaction with me, so I always feel bad for deleting it in the end.

But I know if I keep this up, it's only going to get worse for me. Decision paralysis is so real, and the lack of attention and motivation due to my full-time job doesn't help much either ESPECIALLY since this year was MORE BUSY than before due to it being an election year in my country. I'm trying not to make excuses here, but the nature of my own personal life and my career has picked up so much in the last two years I've barely had the time to sit down for threads.

So with the new year starting, I'm going to wipe clean the majority of my asks/drafts. I'll save the Christmas/winter asks and any drafts from October onward. I want a fresh start, and so I think it's best for me if I nuke most everything in my inbox.

NOW THAT DOES NOT MEAN I DON'T WANT TO INTERACT WITH YOU!! I want more interactions, I want to reblog memes again instead of holding off since my inbox is FULL of unanswered asks I'm too nervous to delete. I feel like that will also help gain some of my muses' voices back. Please feel free to keep sending me things, or pop into my DMs and chat with me one-on-one if you want plotted interactions instead! I'm game for whatever you'd like!

This turned out to be longer than expected, but I've wanted to get this off my chest for a while now. I cherish all my writing partners, those I've known for so many years, those just new to the blog, and those future writers I'll get to hopefully know this coming year. It's one of my goals this year to start thinking about what is best for me when it comes to Tumblr RP writing and how I can keep myself engaged in my hobby while balancing out my personal life/career life. I'm so thankful to everyone who's written with me this year! Your patience and understanding is something I treasure about you because there's not many people who have those qualities nowadays.

Here's to a new year!! New interactions, new experiences, new memories, new friends, and plenty of fun too!!

[unluckycryptid]

So two new updates regarding the Rise of Red!Miraculous Ladybug AU fic

-

If you haven't seen it yet, I posted Ch 5 of The Wonderous Adventures of Ladybug and Chat Noire! Check it out below.

Summary:

“My Lady… please,” Chat Noire begged. The heroine in front of her stopped walking but stayed facing forward, her face obscured from Chat Noire’s line of sight. But from where she stood, she could see as Ladybug shook her head, her partner’s hands clenching and unclenching at her sides. “Chat Noire, I- I can’t,” said Ladybug, her voice cracking ever so slightly that Chat Noire would have missed it if it weren’t for her hearing. Before Chat Noire could push any further, Ladybug grabbed her yoyo and swung off, her message clear: don’t follow me.

I also wrote a companion piece to the chapter and posted it separately as a two-shot! Check it:

Summary:

Companion piece to Ch 5 of The Miraculous Adventures of Ladybug and Chat Noire explaining what happened to Red in her encounter with Chat Blanc, and how it all came to be. Ch 1 - The Encounter (Version 2.0) Ch 2 - The Incident

~

Check out my Chapter Notes for all three chapters below!

Warning: Spoilers

Author's Note Before I put up the Deleted Scenes:

So, I originally posted everything on pretty late on Oct 31st in order to get it all in for Whumptober. I woke up the next morning and read it before I went to work and then decided that I hated it in a way that the original ending was cornering me and would have had me deviate from my overall plan for the main story. I decided, alright, I'm just going to delete the whole two-shot and spend some time fixing it to better align with to the main story's future and motivations.

For those of you wondering, what could I possibly have written to cause me to delete the first version? -> I had Red kill off Chat Blanc of the alternate timeline.

It was great for Whumptober, but would require dozen more chapters of main timeline!Red overcoming that trauma which... I only have 12-13 chapters planned for this story and we're already on Ch 5. Plus, I wanna do a reveal and post-reveal stuff within those 12-13 chapters so... yeah I'm already running out of time with that.

But overall, the whole writing process was pretty rough, ngl. In context, I wrote three chapters in the time it would take me to write one chapter, and each of the three chapters were fairly lengthy for me. And I had to make sure all 3 chapters had to intertwine together.

I always knew I was going to have the Aftermath chapter in the main story. As for the Encounter and Incident chapters, it was originally going to be all one chapter, but it got wayyyy too long for my taste so I ended up splitting it into two separate chapters and then posting it as a two-shot.

I also had to make sure that each of the chapters' motivations flowed into each other. It was kind of difficult since I wrote Aftermath first, so I had to backtrack and figure out what scenario would those memories come into play during the Encounter chapter. Incident also had a bunch of problems considering how the first draft of it that I wrote, while good, didn't follow the motivation for either Aftermath or Encounter, so I had to keep rewriting it until it all worked.

And like I said, I wrote the last scenes of Encounter the day I posted it and then I posted it... bruh never doing that again. I definitely should have sat on it a little longer but rewriting it with a bit more time makes me more confident in it as a chapter now.

I'll post the deleted scenes across the three chapters below. Most of them are going to come from The Chat Blanc Incident. I'll post the Version 1.0 on a separate post since this will get too long.

Read The Encounter Version 1.0 Here

-

Deleted Scene 1 - The Encounter - First Meeting

“Chat Noire, what happened here? What happened to you?” Red asked. 

The girl in white ignored her question in favor of stepping into Red’s personal space, intrigue in her gaze. Before Red could step back and ask about the sudden proximity, the other girl reached out and cupped a hand around Red’s cheek. Red watched as the white clawed hand softly grazed her cheek, the other girl pulling her hand back as soon as it made contact, a look of wonder and disbelief dawning on the girl’s face. 

“So you’re not just one of my ghosts haunting me,” the girl in white chuckled in what sounded like relief. 

Red only looked at her behavior in bewilderment before the girl stopped and switched her tone to an interrogatory one, “You’re not supposed to be here. How are you here?”

Red hesitated. Despite the fact that her partner was someone she would trust with her life, just one look in the other girl’s eyes told Red that she shouldn’t say anything about Bunnyx and his portals in time. 

“It doesn’t matter how I’m here. I just need to know what happened, Chat Noire, both to you and to Auradon,” said Red, “I want to help.”

The girl narrowed her eyes at the red and black superhero. “You’re not My Lady, are you,” she stated, “Or else you would remember what happened.” The bitterness in the girl’s tone sent chills down Red’s spine. 

“Chat Noire…”

“Please, it’s Chat Blanc now,” the girl in white—Chat Blanc—corrected.

-

Deleted Scene 2 - The Incident - First Betrayal

“Red, how could you?” the heartbroken voice of Chloe asked, tears streaming down her cheeks as a pair of Card soldiers held her down on her knees. 

“No, Chloe don’t listen to her. Please believe me, I didn’t know anything,” Red begged, dropping down to her own knees in front of the blue haired princess. She reached out to cradle her girlfriend’s face, but the girl flinched as far away as she could given her restrictions from Red’s touch.

“Oh, come now, daughter, you needn’t keep acting. Your plan worked as you said it would. Though it was a bit convoluted if you asked me,” said Queen Reina Hearts of Wonderland as she inspected her nails with disinterest from her throne on the stage. 

All around them, the aftermath of chaos remained. Family Day had come around and Red’s mom had made an unexpected appearance. Although Red had been taken aback by her mother’s unannounced presence, she was even less prepared for the moment her mother had interrupted the Principal’s Family Day Speech by tossing a deck of magical cards in their air, infecting the unfortunate few that were touched by them, some being the Card soldiers they had previously faced, thus revealing her identity as the Card Queen. 

Before Red or Chloe could even think about transforming into their alter egos, the Card soldiers had grabbed Chloe’s mother and held her hostage, forcing the two heroes to surrender. Once it was clear that neither Red nor Chloe would fight back, the Card soldiers surrounded the blue haired princess along with the rest of the civilians not infected by the cards of the Card Queen. However, they left Red un-surrounded as the Queen of Wonderland marched up to the stage, declaring loudly at how proud she was of her daughter. 

“What plan?” Chloe demanded in a low growl, betrayal laced her in gaze. 

Before Red could answer, Reina spoke for her, “The one to acquire your miraculous, of course.” She said as if it were an obvious fact. 

“No! Chloe-”

“And imagine to my surprise when she suggested that we could also get vengeance on dear Cindy over here at the same time,” continued the Queen of Wonderland as though Red had never spoken. 

“Reina, you let my daughter go right now. Your quarrel is with me,” Chloe’s mom—Queen Cindy—urged from her spot, also in the same position as Chloe though she had been taken off to the side of the stage. 

Reina glared in her direction and waved a hand. At the motion, the General Jack of Diamonds, who had been holding Cindy down, struck her in the face. In response, Chloe screamed and thrashed uselessly under the grip of the Card soldiers holding her down. Red attempted to run to Chloe’s mom’s aid, but was stopped by the Jabberwocky landing in front of her.

The Queen of Wonderland rolled her eyes and continued addressing Chloe, “She revealed her identity to me as soon as she got her miraculous, telling me that she had a plan to make me proud. A plan that would allow Wonderland to take control over all of Auradon.”

“That’s not true!” Red yelled desperately. She was abruptly cut off by the feeling of something covering her mouth and pinning her arms down to her sides, but when she attempted to turn to see her assailant, her eyes met empty air. Nonetheless, the force persisted and she could feel breathing behind her. Red’s eyes widened. It was the Cheshire Cat. She realized in horror that to everyone else, it looked like she was just idly standing by, watching the whole thing.

“I will admit, it took me by surprise that she was admitting to being the pesky, newly debuted ladybug hero that had foiled my plan as the Card Queen, but after I revealed such the fact, she asked me to keep playing the role for her plan to work,” the Queen of Hearts gloated falsely, “I agreed, of course. I trust my daughter completely. She had finally told me it was time to make our move once she revealed that she finally had your complete trust, going as far as to pursuing a relationship with you to do so.”

Red tried her best to fight the grip of the Cheshire Cat on her but it was no use. Her mother decided at that moment to descend from the stage and stand directly in front of a helpless Chloe who had no other choice but to look at her.

The Queen sneered as she crouched in front of the blue haired princess, “Did you really believe that my daughter could ever love someone like you? The daughter of the commoner queen? The spare heir? The mere sidekick of your little duo?” 

The Queen reached out and grabbed Chloe’s chin, satisfied at the tears streaming down the girl’s cheek. 

“You and your filthy mother will get what you deserve, thinking you had a chance to stand with the rest of us,” she sneered before her expression changed to a one of consideration, “Though perhaps not all is lost with you. Perhaps you can be deserving of my daughter’s love after all.”

“What do you want from me?” Chloe spat. 

Reina grinned wickedly, “Call upon your transformation and let me make you one of my Card soldiers,” before Chloe could voice a rejection, the Queen turned her head towards the direction of her mom’s captivity, “or else.”

She released her hold on Chloe’s face and stepped back, waiting for the girl’s next move. Naturally, Chloe’s eyes wandered to Red’s looking for any sort of guidance. Red tried her best to shake her head no but the Cheshire Cat puppeted her head to make it look like she nodded in approval instead.

Without any more options, Chloe gave in.

“Plagg, transform me.”

The transformation washed over the blue haired girl in front of the whole school to see. Chat Noire soon found that the hold of the Card soldiers had been released and that she was free to stand up. She did so slowly, keeping her gaze fixed on the Queen of Wonderland who only smirked as she took out a card from her deck.

Red could only watch in horror as her mother approached her girlfriend and placed the magical card on the silver bell that hung around the girl’s neck. The bell blackened and the black cat heroine was swallowed up by the card’s magic. A second later, the magic dissipated and Red’s stomach dropped.

Kneeling on the ground to her mother was her girlfriend dressed in all white.

“Rise, Chat Blanc,” her mother commanded and the girl stood up immediately. Red’s blood ran cold. There was no trace of her partner—her girlfriend—in there. Her mother continued, “I have given you the power of infinite destruction, and with it you will lay waste to this despicable world… starting with her.”

Reina pointed a finger in the direction of Chloe’s mom. 

No. She couldn’t let her do this. She couldn’t let Chloe kill her own mom. Red struggled against the Cheshire Card Card with all she had, managing to free the hand covering her mouth, but that was enough.

“Tikki! Transform me.”

As soon as she felt the transformation wash over her, she used her superstrength to break free from the Card’s clutches and fight her way over to Chloe’s mom. She dodged, weaved, and kicked the Cards holding down Chloe’s mom to her best ability, but even with her super abilities, she was quickly overwhelmed by the number of Card soldiers her own mother had on hand. 

Slowly, Chat Blanc made her way in front of her mother, regarding the woman as though she were a mere speck of dust. Chat Blanc raised her hand and wordlessly called upon a cataclysm, the power manifesting in a white color just like its holder.

“Please, Chloe don’t do this!” Red cried out from under the dozens of Card soldiers holding her down, “Please, you can fight this!”

“Hush now, daughter, she can’t fight this.”

-

Deleted Scene 3 - The Incident - Chat Blanc's fury

The girl’s cold gaze turned on her now, “You know, Red. You were right. My death would be worthless. But everyone else’s…”

“Don’t do this, Chloe,” Red begged as she started backing away in fear, “I-I’ll stop you.”

Chat Blanc walked toward her with her hand raised above her head. She summoned another cataclysm and to Red’s horror, it kept growing and growing. ‘Infinite destruction’, her mother had said. There was no fighting this, even as Ladybug. 

Chat Blanc seemed to know this, too. 

“I’d like to see you try, Princess.” 

And then the world went white.

[shark-myths]

hi!!!! ive probably sent an ask like this before but how do you keep up the motivation to finish a longer fic? whenever i start writing a fic i know will be long i end up abandoning it or getting bored or not knowing how to continue / end it. the few multichaptered fics ive posted are incomplete and i dont know when they’ll be finished. i have a couple of longer fics in drafts but it just feels like such a challenge to finish them. how do you do it?

ooh i love this question! i am proud of being a finisher--in all my years of writing fic (it's been... many), i have only ever once started posting something i didn't finish. i generally wait until i'm really confident i can finish a fic before i begin posting it. sometimes, as you may have experience in real time with Rosewood Lane, there is a looooong time between updates... but i usually like to keep an update schedule. giving myself deadlines works really well to motivate me and keep myself organized! i also tend to be a daily writer, i'm happiest when i have a little time to sit down every morning and work on a project, whether that's rereading, editing, or writing deeper into the story. i actually am usually trying to make my fics shorter than they end up, but i feel like most stories have their shape already and know how long they need to be to do what i want them to, and i'm merely hanging on. i would love to get better at writing short pieces. having cheerleaders and readers helps too! i find it so exciting to share updates with everyone.

when a story gets boring--and this does happen to me--i try to jump around and write any shred of it i can find that feels interesting, or i go back to the last part that felt interesting and either change or entirely scrap what comes after it that went flat for me. i also avoid any type of real outlining or plotting (sometimes this is pretty obvious in my finished product, oops) because once i know everything that's going to happen, the why and how and where of a story's arc, i lose interest in writing it. i'm in it for the surprise and whatever's coming around the bend! if i have it all planned out, there feels to be very little point in actually writing it--instead it starts to feel like a dreaded task to me. work, not writing.

i also sometimes leave stories alone for a long time. i did this with Footnote, and i did it with Dirty Enough to Love, and i did it with my 1950s au when it was too much GENDER and REALITY for me to deal with. these don't see the light of day while they're on the back burner; the pressure to post can turn right into avoidance and dislike of a project for me, which is why i am so slow to start posting a story even when a significant portion is already written.

so i guess, writing tips from a shark, tl;dr version:

give yourself a schedule for writing and posting that feels organized and manageable

don't rush to start posting, this can turn an unfinished story into a task you want to avoid

find someone you can share your excitement with, whether they're in the fandom or not, and talk about your ideas and intentions with them

trust the length a story wants to be

also, trust yourself about the length of story you interested in writing

if it's boring, try telling it differently. jump ahead, jump back, delete the scene that got you stuck, change something, drop part of the narrative, skip some time or detail

don't be afraid to abandon something and come back to it months or years later

create more mystery and unknowns in the story to keep yourself interested. hide things from yourself! throw wrenches in your best-laid plans! let your characters completely sabotage you! obscure the path ahead so you are interested by the task of finding it again.

whatever you do, just keep writing. you will have a lifelong relationship to the craft and it will change over time, like our bodies, like the seasons. be where the joy is right now and don't get too worried about where you want to be later.

thank you for the thoughtful question! happy writing 💜

[0creativity0]

Since the year is coming to an end and I'm not posting anything until January, I thought it'd be fun to do a little recap of the fics I've written and go through whatever I've managed to do this year. So, let's go!

Here's my 2024 on AO3:

This year, I've published 94,779 words. This number does not include any drafts or anything, but I know I wrote a lot of words in unpublished works too, because I've been working on some long projects. In my notes I have literal dozens of nearly finished one shots, and the plans for a work that's proving to be much harder and longer to write than Rot, which is my second longest published work right now and will be my longest published work as soon as 2025 comes, since it's less than 3k words shorter than Umbrella as of right now (wow). In my AO3 drafts alone I have a four parts work that's 24,856 words long and not yet finished, so that gives an idea.

To recap my interactions, I've gotten 31 subscription, 28 of which are on my user and not works (which is weird), 350 kudos, 109 bookmarks and 6,042 hits. And way too many comment threads because I respond to everybody because it's the best part of actually sharing what you write in my opinion. I'm pretty cool with those numbers. They're great!

Anyway, now for the 2024 podium:

My most kudo-ed work this year is:

This one might actually not be true anymore in a few hours. It has just two kudos more than my second most kudo-ed work, so this could change at any moment. I really hope this one stays first though, because I actually really like it. It's not revolutionary but it's fun, and I liked writing it a lot too. I like knowing it was appreciated, and I like knowing it's technically the most renowned thing I wrote this year.

My most read work this year is:

Makes sense that it'd be this one that garnered the most hits, since it's sort of long and finished. I don't mind it too, I liked writing The Sixth Stage. All the way through I was like "wow I'm actually kind of nailing this". It felt nice, principally after finishing Umbrella which I felt like shit about, and what feels even better is I still like it. The pacing is great, I think! Which is insane because I usually, notoriously suck at pacing. I definitely was on something though, killing off so many characters. Fun fact on this one, actually. I recently got a commenter on Wattpad (kindly) cursing me out for murdering them all, just being like "no fucking way", and that was very fun.

My favorite work I've written this year is:

I had so much fun with this character study-ish one shot, even though it sort of flopped lmao. I don't care, it was great. I really love writing Killua, he's so fun. It's a challenge but one I'm willing to take, simply because the answers come to me with difficulty, but they come naturally. Which maybe explains why they're such weird takes. Anyhow, I'd been cooking this up for so long before I shared it, and there are some cheesy things and mess ups I'd rewrite to fix, but I like keeping things as my past self had intended for them to be, so that I can admire my evolution in the future. It's gonna suck anyway, I know nothing about what I'm doing.

And, last but not least, the longest work I've written this year (and I have yet to finish it) is:

I don't know how to feel about Rot. 35,304 published words, dozens of deleted chapters, pages and pages of my school notebooks engraved with fanfiction and 49 samsung notes with thousands of words each. Pure devotion. Some chapters I love, some chapters I hate. Chapter ten is amazing and I'm so excited to share it yet chapter nine makes me want to fall asleep and never wake up. Sometimes it's the easiest thing to write, sometimes it's a genuine nightmare. Again, chapters nine and ten. I will finish it, there's no doubting that, but my plans keep changing and it's messing up my sleep schedule.

Overall, statistics always make me feel like shit. They make me feel like I haven't done enough. Take last year, for example. I made nearly 1.3K kudos last year, even though I started posting last year, which means I hadn't built an "audience" at all yet.

What taking a look back through my biggest successes of the year made me realize is that, even though I sort of suck, I'm still prouf of myself. Most of what I've mentioned here, I like. I tend to forget that and focus on the part of me that regrets numbers, and that's why this little post feels so necessary for me to make.

Of course these numbers (hit numbers and stuff) will change slightly before the end of the year, but I feel this is close enough.

Anyway. Happy new year to everyone. It's coming quick quick quick, and I need to get back to studying if I actually want a job in the future!

I might do a 2023 resume some day, just to take me back in time.

[tiddygame]

A deleted chapter from the Ghoap god type AU!

[Ao3 link]

This is why Ch 4 took so long to come out, I got stuck on this for weeks trying to make it work. I wish I could have kept it as a smoother transition from Ghost's drastic leap in emotions from Ch 3, 4, and 5 but it never felt right :( Hopefully that leap still feels like the natural illogical turmoil of an idiot realizing he's lovable but who knows! As you'll notice, a lot of this (especially the intro) was repurposed for the actual chapter 4 and even some of chapter 5

This is unedited from how I found it in my docs, good luck o7 [and copied and pasted straight from ao3 drafts]

Ghost wasn’t fully asleep, but he wasn’t fully awake either.

The battles always had a special way of draining him unlike any other fight. While he wasn’t physically tired, he was emotionally exhausted. Stuck in a state of misery, he was too jittery to sleep but did not have the mental fortitude to make himself stand up.

He’d shucked his helmet but the rest of his armor stayed, too drained and paranoid about getting caught off guard to remove it. His hood was pulled low, his head ducked in an attempt to both block out the light and conserve warmth.

They were on the cusp of winter and continuing their march north; Given the way the clouds looked, it wouldn’t be long before their first snowfall. Ghost was ashamed to admit it, but he never did well with the cold. 

It was warm where he grew up so he never became accustomed to the frosty chill of a true winter. The closest he’d ever been to seeing snow was when the pond near his childhood home froze over with a thin layer of ice.

He huddled closer to himself, staying out in the lie that he could buff his cold tolerance if he sat in the freezing wind for long enough. He was meant to be the perfect soldier with no weakness, and yet a slight breeze had him shaking like a leaf. 

“You look cold,” Soap noted. 

Ghost jumped, “Shit! Stop doing that!”

“Sorry,” the god said, with a smug tone and smile that said he wasn’t very sorry. Ghost just closed his eyes once more as if he could fall asleep. Soap sat against the tree as well, mimicking his position to his left all the way down to how his legs were extended and crossed at the ankle. 

Ghost glanced over, trying to keep the sun out of his eyes even as he turned. The god looked different than the past two times he’d seen him, still not emulating his original paintings and sculptures but thankfully not the headache inducing half tangible/half mist thing that he had been the first time they met.

His skin was still pale, but his hair was even lighter this time, now closer to blond. Soap stared at him right back, also still significantly shorter. Although, his eyes were blue this time, just like his portraits. The longer he stared, the more curious he became over the rather sudden switch in appearance. 

His curiosity got the best of him as he asked, “Why doesn’t your form affect me in the same way it did when you first appeared in the temple?” He regretted asking it immediately; It felt almost like a taboo for Ghost to be the one to so openly acknowledge the more inhuman parts of the god.

Soap was caught off guard, asking, “What?” But he processed the question before Ghost repeated it, looking away and staring straight ahead. “Oh. Right. Sorry.”

Ghost didn’t know what he was apologizing for.

“I didn’t have a good grasp on all of,” Soap gestured with his hands, Trying to find the right word. ”Well, this,” he finished lamely, gesturing between them.

“You seemed to grasp my arm well enough.” Ghost was the one who said it and even he wasn’t sure what the hell he meant by that.

“Yeah. Sorry,” Soap apologized.

“What for?” 

Soap just looked up at him, confused so Ghost clarified, “You keep apologizing. What for?”

Ghost watched in confusion as the god shifted uncomfortably, staring down at his lap. “It’s been a while since I’ve interacted with mortals… or anyone really. I’ve kind of forgotten basic conversational skills. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

Now it was Ghost’s turn to stare in confusion. This god certainly was an odd one, that was for damn sure. 

“Uhh… Thanks?” Two socially inept people trying to converse, how wonderful.

When Soap chuckled at his response, he surprised himself by almost chuckling along, for once feeling like he was being laughed with and not at. And what a novel feeling it was, to enjoy talking with someone. Even if the person was an immortal deity.

The conversation drifted as the silence stretched; It was probably the longest the god had gone without speaking since he began coming down to play mortal.

Ghost closed his eyes like he would be able to fall asleep but the longer he spent trying to sleep the more he realized that he still had at least one more question about the god’s appearance.

Soap not being used to the limitations of the mortal realm made sense, but it didn’t answer why he looked nothing like his original depictions. While the depiction of a god could change slightly between artists, there were a few staple features that were left unchanged. 

From his research, most seemed to agree that the god of death was tall with tan skin, dark hair, a (rather stupid, in Ghost's opinion) mohawk, blue eyes, and the build of a fighter. The man next to him had blue eyes, and that was about it; He looked like he’d never seen a day of hard labor once in his entire immortal life.

[]

He wound up doing a double take when he spotted something… peculiar and… specific about his appearance. Ghost looked down at his lap and then back to Soap’s a few times, confused. For once, it was Ghost who broke the silence as he questioned aloud, “Did… Did you steal my hand?”

“Hmm?” Soap looked up from where he too had been feigning a nap.

“You— My hand. You have 3 ½ fingers on your left hand. Same as me.”

Soap took a deep breath and looked askance as if he were embarrassed, “Oh, right. That .” 

Ghost waited for Soap to speak, but he remained silent. Realizing he wasn’t going to say anything else, Ghost repeated, “Yeah. That . Did you steal my hand?”

There was another extended silence before he finally answered, “I mean, you still have your hand so I didn’t steal it technically—”

The god was squirming and Ghost’s interest was now fully piqued, “Soap. You know what I mean.”

Soap let out a huff like he was hoping he could stall long enough that Ghost would forget about the question, “Well, I mean— Okay, yes but also no.” He was gesturing with his right hand, trying to distract from the way he’d hidden his left under his leg. 

“Soap!”

“Yes, alright! I did!” He huffed again, “It’s easier to simulate what you see around you than it is to make something new.” He sank against the tree trunk with his arms crossed, managing to pout while still looking embarrassed. 

“But your physical form already existed?”

“It’s been a while. I’m still trying to remember how to look human, much less recreate how I used to look.”

Ghost could already feel a headache pulling at the base of his skull. “I don’t follow.”

Soap opened his mouth like he was about to speak, but then changed his mind and let out a sigh of air. He squinted off into the distance, thinking, before he finally landed on a simple explanation. “Which one is easier if you don’t have a mirror: to draw yourself or to draw someone else?”

Ghost just hummed in response. It made sense, he supposed, in the same way everything else does when it comes to godliness. Meaning it didn’t make sense and mortals had to scramble for a logical reasoning behind the illogical. 

“But why my hands? Wouldn’t it be easier to copy a hand with five fingers?”

Soap got all fidgety again and began messing with his fingers, “Um, well, like I said, it’s trickier to try to create something. Just to mimic it is easier, even if it’s… less normal?” He stumbled over the last two words, unsure of how to phrase what he meant. 

Had it been anyone else, Ghost might have taken offense to that but considering the god was struggling to exist in the mortal plane, he’d let it slide just this once. He knew what the god meant, or at least thinks he does. All of it made sense so long as he didn’t think about it. 

[Why would he be upset at Soap saying his hand isn't normal? He already implied that with his question??]

Soap sighed again, likely frustrated with his inability to explain what was a simple concept to him and apologized, “I’m sorry. I should have asked before,” Soap vaguely waved his left hand in the air. “I didn’t even think about it.”

Ghost surprised himself with the speed of his response, “No, it’s okay, I—“ he paused. Soap was staring at his left hand (more so his version of Ghost’s left hand) and he noticed something. “Wait. Give me your hand.”

Despite the demanding request, Ghost didn’t wait for an answer to reach across Soap and pull his hand closer. [<-Nonsense ass sentence.] The angle was awkward and by the time his hand was close enough for Ghost’s inspection, the god had been yanked over onto his side, his right forearm propping himself up and his head bumping into Ghost’s upper arm. 

He barely even noticed the contact, too intrigued by the god’s imperfect copy of his hand. 

“Interesting…” He muttered to himself. 

Every time they had met, Ghost had been wearing gloves. It’s likely the only thing that made the god’s odd touchiness bearable, but it also meant that the god had never seen what lies below the fabric. 

Ghost had lost his pinky and part of his ring finger to third and second degree burns. It was beyond a miracle he had been able to keep his hand, to only have one and a half fingers amputated was proof that not every god was out to get him. However, the amputation was not the only evidence of the incident. 

The scarring was prevalent on his entire hand and extended far up his arm. While not amputated, his left middle finger had been damaged enough that the nail never grew back properly. It was still there, but was slightly off center and shaped awkwardly.

The medics did an incredible job with everything, but they could only do so much about the skin contractures. He maintained almost full functionality, but it still ended in him being unable to fully open his hand.

[STOP THE FUCKING MEDICAL DRAMA YOU FREAK] {Better now, but still needs shortening}

All of the deformities and irregularities were missing from Soap’s version. 

The nail on his middle finger looked normal, his ring and pinky finger just so happened to stop short of where they would normally be, there was no scar tissue connecting his fingers and palm, and the skin was completely smooth. It was eerie to look at. 

The more he stared, the more he found that was slightly off. 

Most of it was small and simple. Soap’s skin was still very pale yet he had no visible veins, there was hair on the back of his hand but none on his fingers, all of his nails were the exact same length with not even a hint of dirt under them, and the lines on his palm didn’t line up with where his palm creased when relaxing his hand. They were so subtle, it wasn’t something you couldn’t unsee, but something you noticed and then struggled to find again.

“Interesting,” Ghost repeated. It seemed Soap remembered the hallmarks of what makes a human look human but stumbled on the  finer details. He was able to skate past uncanny valley but still had much to improve on. With his inspection complete, Ghost looked down to where the god was half lying on the ground, watching him. 

The god.

It was so easy, too easy to forget that Soap was something he should be begging for mercy, not yanking around to appease his own curiosity. They’ve met all of three times and he’s already let his guard down this much? [!] Gods above, he needs to get himself together.

He dropped Soap’s hand like it burned him, “S— Sorry.” He needed to say more, more than a stuttered, one word apology, but it was all he could manage. He balled his hands into fists like it was the only way to stop him from repeating the same mistake again. 

The god looked upset, whether it was angry or annoyed, Ghost didn’t know. He stared for a moment longer, a moment too long, before slowly sitting back up, “It’s… It’s fine.”

Fuck. 

Ghost hadn’t the slightest clue what to make of that but he knew it couldn’t be good. The tone was lost to him, the pause spoke of misfortune, and the word choice spelled disaster. 

The fact that he hadn’t already been killed scared him. He should have been. He should have been a long time ago. Ghost didn’t get it. 

Maybe it was all a ploy. Maybe the god was biding his time, keeping a mental tally of all the disrespectful shit he does. That way, when he’s back at full power, he can torture Ghost as much as he wants, however he wants. Now that he saw it, it was so obvious he wanted to slap himself for his stupidity. There was something about the god that made him act like a complete idiot and he hated it.

And like a child, Ghost decided that what he couldn’t see couldn’t hurt him. He turned back, facing the field once more and shook his head to make his hood fall low enough to obscure his peripheral vision.

He hadn’t noticed, having been so wrapped up in his own little world, but near the god, the chill had faded. Now that he pulled away, it was back in full force. Being the coward he was, it almost made him huddle back to Soap just for the warmth. 

Ghost had already sealed his fate when he almost died with an arrow in his chest. The god might have said he didn’t owe him, but it was a load of shit. He still hoped that he could save himself, despite knowing it to be a fruitless venture.

A smart man knows that a familiar devil is better than one unknown. He didn’t like the general, but at least he was familiar with his limits and the punishments that came when those limits were surpassed. And yet Ghost sat poking and annoying an ancient god despite all logic screaming at him to run. 

Perhaps it was his twisted way of taking control over his life. Sitting under that tree, he was doomed to spend the rest of his life as an attack dog with his leash in the hands of a man he hated. But Soap offered another way out.

If he annoyed Soap past the point of no return, his leash would be severed. He’d spend the rest of his life and more as an Old God’s little human doll until his mind broke, but it would be a fate that he, Ghost, set in motion.

Ghost was horrified at the fact that he was comforted by the idea. The deafening white noise he hadn’t been aware of immediately dissipated. His ears were ringing. He was manually breathing, counting every breath in and out. sdhfksjdfhkjalsdhfjklsdah

Then they kiss or fuck or sumn i dunno

Notes: I wanted to keep this so bad but I was nervous about committing to like... a set of rules for gods in this world? Esp so early on in the drafting/writing process. It felt a bit too on the nose and, well, depressing with that last inner monologue too. Not to mention that it felt mismatched; I think that by the time Ghost would have been comfortable enough to fuckin gawk at Soap, Soap would have had a much better grasp on his appearance.

Also I felt bad for stealing the generally accepted hc for Roach's scars and slapping them on Ghost lmao

Also also, if you read something in this and though "oh, wait, that clarified something from the main story that went unexplained. why wasn't it included?" the answer is that I probably forgot that I cut it

[gabessquishytum]

Hey, I think my ask got eaten by tumblr so I'm gonna resend it. If you had it deleted on purpose, just ignore this.

With everyone going wild about the centaurs, I wanna offer you a thought :

Nomad centaur Hob passing through night-mare Dream's territory every two years on his journey (it's a kind of round trip). At first Dream is sceptical, but then he warms up with each visit, and eventually they start fucking.

It's so good, Hob taking Dream under the stars until he is drooling and his eyes are rolling back in his skull. He loves how warm Hob is, how big and protective, loves listening to the stories from his travels, admires his scars, loves sleeping against Hob when he is there.

But this time, a few months after he's gone, Dream notices that Hob has left him something—he's pregnant, oops!

Hob is too far away by this point for Dream to catch up to him (and even more so taking his new condition into consideration) and so he decides to tough it out and just show Hob his beautiful baby when he gets there next time.

Caveat: Hob is a big draft Horse type of centaur and Dream is... very much not. He gets huge, and he's fairly certain the kid is enormous.

So it's no surprise that when the time comes, Dream struggles a bit, and that it takes a bit longer than it should. What is a surprise is that the baby gets stuck. So Dream's in a bit of a conundrum, mid labour and constantly getting up and down and rolling to get the foal unstuck and into position.

Then he notices something, someone, approaching and has a bit of a fright, because this is REALLY not the time, but it turns out it's just Hob. He's turned around and come back to ask Dream to come with him because obviously they belong together.

Of course Hob helps when he walks in on Dream struggling to get his baby out, even if it is quite a surprise. He gently shoves his big hand into Dream, adjusts the foals position and even helps pulling it out with every contraction.

It all goes well, and Hob adjust marvelously quick to his sudden fatherhood.

They do eventually journey together, a couple of weeks later. Just not the two, as Hob thought, but the three of them :D

OOO yes!!! I've loved the little sojourn into centaur au we've been having lately!! It's fab. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this!

I'm absolutely LOVING this particular take on it. Very Big Hob accidentally knocking up lil dainty Dream is my new favourite image. He's thinking it'll be such a nice surprise for Hob to come back eventually and find a mini little version of himself waiting! How cute!

Eventually Dream lumbers on to the end of his pregnancy. He's cross and heavy and possibly going to kick Hob in the nuts when he comes back but. He got there in the end! The baby is... coming. Slowly. Very very slowly. He's also maybe panicking a bit because he's never done this before and how dare Hob leave him like this?!

Fortunately Hob comes back and fixes everything by more or less hauling the baby out of Dream’s poor suffering body. They dry the new edition to the family off, make sure the little one gets their first feed. The baby is just like a little mini Hob, all cute and chunky!! But they have Dream’s bright blue eyes and messy black hair.

Hob is the happiest new father on the planet, despite the whole thing being a complete surprise. He cuddles up with Dream and the baby, keeping them safe and warm through the night, softly whispering stories when either of them wake up. In the morning he's there to make sure that Dream gets a proper breakfast and he even massages some of the sore spots that have developed during his pregnancy. Dream can't be mad at Hob for being so big anymore, not when he's so dutiful and protective. Plus Dream wouldn't exchange their big, clumsy baby for anything in the world. He's already thinking that maybe adding to the family wouldn't be so bad... in any case, he can't wait to start his journey with Hob and show their little one all the wonders of the world <3

[littlecherryhuanlin]

A Tale of a Lonely Heart- Na Jaemin

You may like: Ghost of You with Nakamoto Yuta

Disclaimer: Here is the prequel to "Love at Dawn", first I would like to apologize to those who had to wait so long for this, second this is not what I wanted to be delivering to you, u see I had a completely different story ready in Dec (I wrote on my phone and went directly to my drafts on the computer while reviewing and I was stupid enough to delete the backup since I would post it the next morning), for some reason Tumblr ate my drafts and I ended up losing not only the og version of this but also everything that was there, I'm not proud of this work, but I still hope u guys enjoy it.

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: Jaemin POV, but also contains the use of bad words, descriptive content, mentions of alcohol, kinda angst, short mention about Jeno's bed, angry behavior, Jaemin crying, fluff if you squint

Jaemin liked to keep his feet on the ground when it came to serious matters, despite the mixed image people had of the boy due to the near-bipolar discrepancy in his personality, everyone agreed that Jaemin was a carefree guy: unable to mind anything that wasn't on his priority list, which led to the belief that he wasn't a big fan of relationships, as his owns rarely lasted more than a few weeks.

What nobody knew, however, was that for him love was a very serious matter; the tales of souls carefully chosen to share the beauty of life with the children of the moon were universal, and having grown up listening closely to all the stories about how the imprint was the most precious thing in a werewolf's life, there was nothing he wanted more than find his mate and settling down, his short relationships being solely derived from the fact that none of the girls on campus were her.

And yet, he was completely taken aback when he saw her for the first time, things around him slowly losing focus as her scent completely overpowered his senses, his thoughts fading away and being replaced exclusively and immediately by her, a strange heat slowly rising through his body consuming every inch of his being, he even thought he would die trapped in the intoxicating sensation that took over his heart, the one that seemed to be on the verge of collapse the closer she got and before he even realized it, he was knocked down by the most beautiful creature he had ever seen in his life, his imprint.

Say that he had to hold back when she stopped in front of him would be an understatement, he violently fought the urge to get up and wrap his arms around her, which caused him to stare at the ground as Donghyuck introduced her as his best friend, obviously, her existence was no secret to any of them: Haechan spoke of the girl at every opportunity since the beginning of the school year, gradually making everyone extremely curious about the mysterious YN - being the means the boy used to keep her hidden from the group for half a year a secret to everyone.

Jaemin was so out of his mind that Jeno was the one to introduce him quickly, thank goodness the boys were too entertained with her to notice his strange behavior.

Unable to say anything, he just watched discreetly as the girl animatedly chatted with the boys about things he couldn't even understand. He was too busy trying to put himself in order to recognize any sound around him, everything has became a blur and he was no longer lucid, he would be lying if he said he wasn't afraid of the situation, he was terrified, trying all the time to calm down before he had a heart attack.

-

Jaemin was never really able to speak properly to her, not the second or third or any of the times that followed over the next year, little by little he managed to answer back, but for some reason, everything that came out of his mouth sounded like snarling attacks and the more time passed the more "what ifs" occupied the boy's mind as the unfriendly tension between YN and him grew. Slowly the hopes he had upon the relationship with the one he had imprinted on disappeared, and despite the frown that he put on every time he was around the girl the feeling that had taken over him the first time they met never really disappeared.

Although he considered himself a strong guy, there were moments that Jaemin had broken because of her, like the first time she spent the night in the house he shared with Jeno, Haechan and Renjun:

The first time the boys totally lost control around her (which, to Jaemin's dismay, only meant one thing: she was one of them now) and she ended up having to stay the night because everyone was too drunk to do anything, imagine Jaemin's surprise the next morning when he opened his best friend's bedroom door only to find the girl tangled up in his covers while Jeno was passed out on the couch next to her.

Jaemin drove for four hours straight, he realized at that moment that not only Haechan -to say that he had grown to hate his friend a bit would be more than adequate; their closeness disgusted him, Haechan and YN understood each other so deeply that the boy often doubted the veracity of the supposed connection he allegedly has with her- was a threat, but all of them, other than that, he couldn't help but dislike her at that moment not only for showing up in his life but for also stealing his friends.

-

Even though Jaemin wanted to hate the girl he found himself completely in love with her, so in love that the next time he broke down- so badly- over her was also the first time one of the boys found out who she was to him:

YN had a boyfriend, the news that Haechan shared so excitedly with the group while making fun of YN brought immediate tears to the boy's eyes, his heart squeezed so hard that Jaemin thought he was going to pass out, he was so busy trying to breathe properly that he couldn't he noticed his friends entering the library much less Mark approaching him worriedly. Fortunately, the older boy managed to drag Jaemin to the back of the building and patiently waited while he calmed down, however, the moment Nana noticed the sad and surprised expression on his friend's face he knew that the pieces had fallen into place for Mark and his secret was no longer so secret.

When her relationship finally ended Jaemin found himself having mixed feelings: he was happy that she was single, but hell, he hated to see her sad and was ready to kill whoever made her cry, in the end, Mark had to convince him that broke Hyunjin's face was not a good idea.

At a certain point, Jaemin found himself rooting for the end of any minimal relationship that the girl had with any man outside their circle - it was difficult, but the boy was proud of having reached an agreement on the closeness of YN and the boys: he decided that he would be happy that she had true friends who would always take care of her instead of hating his friends for it - on the other hand, the more time passed, the more he questioned whether the girl's permanence in his life was, in fact, a good thing: at the same time that he loved her, he hated the way his heart always seemed to be torn apart because of her.

Please do not copy or translate any of my works, all creative work is copyrighted and therefore plagiarism is a crime.

[daydreamsandafternoonteafics]

Let's Pretend It's Love- Chapter 23

banner by ren

Harry and I fucked.

It was just that, plain and simple.

We fucked.

That’s all there was to it. All there should have been.

But it wasn’t.

This wasn’t just casual sex. It was casual friendship sex. Causal, slow, passionate, toe curling friendship sex.

I tried so hard to treat it like it was just the average fling, keeping my routine of leaving in the morning and not bothering to call. I’d tried to convince myself that it wasn’t the best sexual encounter I’d had in my lifetime and that I hadn’t gone and completely screwed things up but I knew I’d only be lying to myself.

Everything happened so fast.

One moment I’m having a panic attack on the side of the road and the next we’re tangled in his sheets, limbs, and other anatomy. I’d been far too vulnerable and I couldn’t handle the emotions.

I had to leave. I had to end everything before it got out of hand.

It’d been nearly a week since that night and I’d been completely on edge. Even the knowledge of an upcoming birthday at the end of the week wasn’t any consolation to the crippling anxiety I felt.

Nonetheless, I’d never been the type to get excited about my birthday, mainly because I always had to share it. It’d never just been my day, it was always “PennyandPresley’s birthday”.

As small children Penny and I got to choose one cake and got nearly identical presents. As we grew older, however, birthdays soon became a game of which child was the favored twin. I

n the end, it was always obvious who won. Once I’d turned eighteen, birthdays were no longer the stuff of candles and horns but just merely a reminder of how much I was failing at adulthood and how much closer I was to 30. Fun stuff.

If I were a normal twenty-five-and-half-year-old, I’d probably be ringing in my twenty-sixth birthday at a pub, surrounded by friends and family, or dining out with a significant other.

Since normal and I usually don’t appear in the same sentence, I am at home in my usual habitat, snuggled under my duvet with Ollie and watching a long murder documentary, even though I’m due to turn up at work in a few hours. I’ve long lost the plot of the murder however because I’m too busy drafting a long, thought-out text message to Harry.

It’s been nearly a week and a single word hasn’t been spoken between us.

The minute it was over, I knew I’d probably avoid talking about it but somehow I expected more from Harry.

I’d expected him to text me the morning after, call to see if I’d gotten home safely once he woke up and realized I was gone, ask for his Rolling Stones t-shirt back, or at least ask me how my week was going but he’d done none of that.

Maybe he was swamped with work and didn’t have time to talk. Maybe he wasn’t freaking out about it as much as I was and had gotten the memo that things were over. Or maybe it wasn’t such a big deal to him and he was reveling in virile post-sex glory, waiting for me to call him up begging for more. Maybe he’d gotten exactly what he was after in the first place.

Whatever the case may be, it didn’t matter anyway. Whatever we had going between us is done. No need to waste time worrying about something that was never real to begin with.

Feeling the sleep burn my eyes, I deleted every word in my draft, right down to the period before tossing my mobile on a vacant pillow. With a yawn shut down my laptop and turned on my side, hoping sleep would find me and take all these feelings with it.

By the time morning arrived, I’d nearly forgotten about my birthday. I’d planned to go about the rest of my day in secrecy, milling around as if it were just an average day but even on your birthday things don’t always go as planned.

When I arrived at the shop there was a huge cinnamon roll sitting behind the counter on my stool. I knew exactly who the culprit was. Despite the awkwardness that had been looming between us, I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of my lips.

“Jessa! What have you done?” I called, shrugging out of my coat.

“What are you talking about?” she questioned innocently, emerging from the break room with a cup of coffee in head, Murray following close behind.

I grinned.

“You know what I mean, Jess.”

A big smile consumed her features as she sat her cup on the counter.

“I know you didn’t want me to do anything but I couldn’t help it.It’s my best friend’s birthday!” she exclaimed happily.

My stomach dipped in guilt and Murray sends me a haughty glance. I’ve full aware of the terrible friend I’ve been within the past few months and even more aware of how undeserving I am of Jessa’s kindness. But instead of choosing to wallow in guilt for the rest of the day I shrug it off. I shouldn’t let my stupid escapades with a guy I wasn’t even romantically involved with ruin my friendship.

When Harry finally was gone Jess would still be there. Sisters before misters, right?

I smile shyly, tearing away at the plastic wrapping.

“You didn’t have to.” I replied.

She shook her head, causing her ringlets to bounce.

“Nonsense,” she grabbed a stool, plopping down next to me. “so, feeling twenty-six?”

I groaned, taking a bite of cinnamon roll before speaking.

“No. It’s just another year for people to ask me if I’m pregnant and when I’m going to get married.” I sighed.

Jessa laughed.

“We’re gonna get you married off one of these days, Presley Anne.”

My nose crinkled at the thought.

“Never. Men are stupid.” I replied before continuing to stuff my face.

Even if they do have gorgeous green eyes and dimples and are great in bed.

“I can’t refute that.” Jess tapped her manicured fingers against the counter. “so, I’m making you get out of the house tonight. It’s your birthday!”

“Already ahead of you. Penny and I are going out for drinks tonight. You should come. Don’t be surprised if Liam tags along. They act more like twins than me and her.”

She grinned. “Aww, I haven’t seen Liam since you two were an item back in uni.”

I groaned.

“We were not an item! It was just a fling. And if you bring that up Penny will cut you. Nobody ever talks about it.” I replied matter-of -factly.

Jessa held up her hands in defense.

“Jesus. I’ll be there. Might be running late put I’ll be there.”

“Good.”

I was actually happy about the idea of hanging out with Jessa again as all my time seemed to be consumed by someone else. I just needed to steer clear of any Harry related conversation.

Jessa stood up from her stool, grabbing her coffee mug from the counter to retreat to her office. I brushed the crumbs off my fingers when an idea popped in head.

“Hey, Jess.” I called.

She spun on her heel.

“Yeah?”

I bit the corner of my lip.

“Did anything come in for me this morning?” I questioned.

Jessa kinked a brow.

“No. Why?”

I sighed.

“It’s nothing.”

All of it was nothing.

******

As the day trudged on I was secretly looking forward to going out tonight. It would be nice to let off some steam and have a little fun. Work consisted of a brief financial meeting, being open for a few hours, and then closing shop for the rest of the day.

I’d spent most of the afternoon window shopping and picking up something for Penny. When evening finally arrived I made an extra effort to doll myself up, making sure to get my make-up just right and throwing together a killer outfit that consisted of a pair of sexy thigh-high boots.

It was my birthday and I was determined to make it a good one.

“Damn,” Penny announced upon my arrival. She brought the straw of her mojito to her lips. “are you looking to snag another man or what?”

I shrugged, making myself comfortable on the barstool.

“It’s my birthday,” I quipped.

Penny took a long sip of her drink before letting out a sigh.

“Mine too, but I reckon I can’t look as fit since I’m practically married.” she replied.

I grinned. “I’m practically completely covered. I’ve got on bloody stockings.”

She sat her glass on the bar counter.

“What are you having?”

I bit the corner of my lip.

“Fishbowl!”

I reached over and snatched a few chips from the pile on Penny’s plate. When my drink was finished Penny had ordered a new mojito.

“We have to toast!” she exclaimed raising her glass in the air.

I groaned.

“Fine.”

I raise my glass to meet hers.

“To being twenty-six and to being the hottest bitches in London.”

I grinned.

“Word.”

We clank our glasses together before taking a sip.

“So good.” I mumbled.

“So, where’s my present?” Penny announced letting her straw fall back into her drink.

I sat down my drink to rummage through my hand bag before retrieving the wrapped present and sitting it on the bar top.

“And mine?” I questioned.

Penny grinned before reaching in the seat beside her, holding up a large box and sitting it next to smaller one. We both grabbed our perspective gifts, tearing at the wrapping paper.

“It beautiful!” Penny exclaimed, gaping at the crystal jewelry box.

I smiled.

“It’s for your wedding bands and all the jewelry LiLi gets you.” I explained.

“Go on and open yours!” Penny instructed with an encouraging grin.

I’d already torn at most of the wrapping paper and was greeted with a creme colored box. I tore at the taped sides and lifted the lid of the box. My eyes were met the prettiest shade of baby blue and I lifted the lacey fabric from the box.

“It’s so pretty,” I declared eyeing the dainty looking bustier that probably cost a good chunk of my pay check. “but why?”

I’d never known sisters to get each other lingerie. Especially for their birthday.

Her lips curled into a devious grin.

“Oh, Presley. Sweet, little innocent Presley.”

“What?” I snapped, obviously not getting the idea.

“Just because it’s your birthday doesn’t mean you’re the only one who gets a gift. It’s for you to wear and for Harry to take off.”

I nearly choked on my straw and I fought hard to fight the blush burning on my cheeks.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Pres! All normal adult couples have birthday sex. Why would Harry wanna have cake when he could be eating your-”

“I get the idea, Pen. Thanks.” I mumbled.

I was debating on wether or not I should tell Penny I’d gotten an early birthday present of the sexual variety from Harry the previous weekend just to shut her up. Considering the circumstances I’d rather not.

“Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just trying to move your sex life along!” she groaned.

It had moved along, alright. Like a thief in the night.

“We’ll do it when we’re ready, okay? Who knows, maybe tonight will be the night.” I lied.

Penny rolled her eyes.

“The poor bloke’s balls are probably blue! Bone him already! ”

I rolled my eyes. If only Penny knew. In a few days the whole family would know about Harry and I’s “break-up”.

“There are my birthday girls!” Liam exclaimed as he approached us.

I quickly boxed up the bra and panty set, tossing the box on the barstool beside me.

“Baby!” Penny jumped from her barstool, attacking her soon to be husband with kisses.

Once they’d finally pulled away Liam enveloped me in a hug.

“Happy birthday!” he exclaimed.

I giggled.

“Thanks Leeyum.”

He wedged himself between Penny and I and eyed our drinks suspiciously.

“It’s your birthdays and you’re drinking that? Where’s the bacardi?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Last time I checked none of us were 50 Cent.”

Liam smirked, nudging my shoulder.

“Solid reference.”

“Did someone say bacardi?”

I frozen upon hearing the voice. Part of my was happy that after blowing me off for so many days he bothered to show up. The vast majority of me wanted to either curl up in a hole and die or punch him in his beautiful face. I was leaning toward the latter two.

“You heard right, mate. Join the party.” Liam replied.

I spun around in my chair to get an eye full of him. He’s unfairly beautiful in this almost sheer black button up, curls cascading down his shoulders gracefully.The lack of buttons gives me a peak of the swallows tattooed below his clavicle and the tiniest glance of his butterfly. My face feels hot thinking about how I’d kissed every inch of ink on his body, how his the butterfly etched on his abdomen had been pressed against my own, how his eyebrows furrowed when he couldn’t contain himself, how his hair looked an absolute mess when we were finished.

It’s a fact: Guys are 500% more attractive once you’ve banged them.

He catches sight of me and his lips curve up into the lopsided grin I love so much. I can’t decide if I should be angry or happy to see him.

Harry saunters over to my stool, hands stuffed in his coat pocket.

“Hey.” he smirks.

“Hi.”

He leans down, pressing a kiss to my mouth, somehow extinguishing the unspoken angst between us two. I tug at his button lip before pulling away and he he presses another kiss to my temple.

“Happy birthday, love.”

I smile, reaching out to wipe the lipstick stain below his bottom lip.

“Thanks for coming.” I spoke softly.

“Hey, can you two save all that for later!” Penny barks.

We pull apart and Harry chuckles.

“You and Liam do it all the time. Don’t be a hypocrite.” he quips.

I giggle, moving the box containing Penny’s racey birthday present so that Harry can sit. I can’t help but feel a bit nervous, considering the fact that we haven’t talked for nearly a week and the last time we were together the only sounds between us were animalistic grunts.

“You’re a cougar.” he announces, placing his hand on top of mine once he’s gotten comfortable on his stool.

I kink a brow.

“What?” I question, hoping it didn’t come out too sharp.

“You’re older than me. Makes you a cougar.”

I smirk.

“I forgot. You’re a February baby.”

He grins, a dimple denting his cheek.

“I’d go for an older woman,” his winks.

I bring my straw to my lips, staring at the way his hand sits on top of mine.

“So, how’s your week been?” I asked just loud enough for the both of us to hear.

He sighed running a hand through his hair.

“Great. It’s been uh, great.”

The corner of his lips turn down into a frown and I can’t quite read the change in his expression.

“Mate!” Liam shouted down at Harry. “I ordered shots. Get in!”

Harry grinned as Liam slid the tray in his direction. I couldn’t help but think how different things would be once I “broke it off” with Harry tonight. No more double dates with Penny and Liam, no more Liam and Harry friendship, no more embarrassing yet strangely entertaining sex talk with Penny.

No more pretending.

The night eased along with more shots . I’d downed another fishbowl but was only buzzed and could still normally function. Liam had drank enough to slip into a coma much to practically sober Penny’s dismay and Harry was nearly himself but extremely handsy. I was surprised he hadn’t left yet but I didn’t mind. I was enjoying his company.

“Do ya wanna leave? ” he drawls in the shell of my ear, palm running absent mindedly over my thigh. “maybe come back to my place for a bit.”

I’d traded in my barstool for a seat on his lap and I squirmed uncomfortably, biting the corner of my lip.

“Can we go outside for a minuet? We have to talk.”

“Yeah.”

I climb down from the barstool, taking Harry’s hand before leading him out the doors of the pub. The cold hits my bare shoulders as I’ve left my coat inside. I wrap my arms around my shoulders and lean against the brick wall propping a foot up to keep my balance. Harry moves closer, placing a hand on the wall.

“Want my coat?” he asks.

I shake my head, deciding that I can be bothered with the cold for just a few minuets.

“It’s over, Harry.” I blurt, tucking my bottom lip between my teeth.

The words loom in the air and he stares down at me with furrowed brows.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s over,” I repeat. “this whole girlfriend and boyfriend thing is over. It can’t work anymore. I’m breaking up with you.”

“Hypothetically?” he questions, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Yes. Hypothetically.” I reply.

Harry grows silent, staring down at his boots and my chest suddenly feels a bit lighter.

“It was fun while it lasted, yeah?”

The corner of my lips curve into a smile.

“Yeah. We had some good times, didn’t we?”

He sighs, there’s something different about his eyes. Something that one too many shots just doesn’t do.

“Yeah.”

I don’t know what to do or say next. I want to laugh it off and pull him in for a kiss but I kind of feel as if I should go inside, get my things and call it a night. Instead I stand there.

“You didn’t call.”

The words tasted like venom in my mouth and I realize just how angry I’d been.

He runs a hand through his hair, blinking at me through hypnotizing green eyes.

“You left me. I woke up and you weren’t there.”

His tone is dark, equally as angry and his breath comes out in icy puffs.

I sighed, staring down at the stained pavement under my feet.

“You got what you wanted, right? Why should it matter.” I spat

He scoffs.

“That’s not fair, Presley. I care about you. You’re not some casualty to me.”

A lump forms in my throat and I can’t seem to get rid of it. He cares. He’s not supposed to.

“It was a mistake. That whole night was a mistake.”

The words have been unleashed from their cage and I know I’ve succeeded at hurting his ego. His lips purse into a thin line.

“You regret it?” he questions, his voice deep.

“Not entirely,” I swipe my tongue against my bottom lip “ but it shouldn’t have happened. You know they’ll never be anything between us.”

I say the words softly, almost in a whisper. Harry’s expression changes. It’s not angry or vexed and maybe not even sad.

“I’ll never be good enough? Will I?”

The words sting coming out of mouth, like the nick of a razor blade. My stomach sinks and I suddenly feel like a real bitch.

All hail, Presley Taylor, Queen Bitch.

I reach out, pressing a hand to his shoulder.

“No, Harry. You’re not good enough. You’re more than good enough.” I assure, somehow trying to do damage control.

He laughs, but not the joyful kind that makes him throw back his head, not the kind that makes the corner of his eyes crinkle. It’s lifeless and bitter.

“Like that’s supposed to make me feel better? Give me the motivation to keep sitting ‘round and waiting for you, yeah?”

I bite down hard on my bottom lip.

“Harry,” I reach out to push the fallen curls away from his face. “you’ll always have me. We’re friends, right?”

He stares at me, piercing my soul with those emerald eyes.

“No. We’re not.”

He then leans down, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

“I don’t wanna ruin your birthday talkin’ about this. We’ll talk later.” he announces once he’s pulled away.

He reaches into his coat pocket, retrieving a small black box before shoving it into my hands.

“Please take it. Don’t care what you do with it. Just take it.”

He’s gone but I can barely see him through the cloud of tears in my eyes. The small box feels like it weighs a ton in my hands and I feel absolutely wretched.

“So, you and Harry, huh?” A voice snaps, breaking my moment of devastation.

I blink back my tears only to be met with the sight of Jessa standing on the pavement a few inches away. She’s clutching her purse for dear life and her pretty face holds the meanest scowl I’ve ever seen.

My heart sinks further into my chest when I realize I’d completely forgotten Jessa was coming tonight. Didn’t she make perfect time?

My eyebrows furrow.

“Jess,” I speak, trying hard to keep my voice from shaking. “it’s not what it looks like.”

She scoffed.

“I’m not stupid, Presley. I should’ve known. 'Go for it', yeah? Did you tell me that before or after you two started fucking?”

The tone in her voice was sharper than I’d ever heard her speak.

“Jessa, It’s not like that between us!” I shouted.

Things were far more complex than Jessa thought.

“You’re incredibly selfish, Presley. You just use everyone around you as a tool to get what you want.”

Ouch. How much higher on the bitch scale can I get tonight?

“Jess.”

It seemed to be the only thing I could get out of my mouth.

“Save it.”

I watch as she marches away, boots clacking furiously behind her. Of all the ways Jess could have found out, she finds out in the worst way possible. As the tears finally stream down my face I can’t help but think of all the damage I’d caused tonight. Two people pissed off and two friendships lost.

Happy birthday to me.

[kotlc-deleted-scenes]

Keeper Summer Week #6

Third Deleted Scene from Neverseen

I removed this scene—even though I knew all of my shipping-obsessed readers would love it—because it felt like I was having the characters be aware of the flirting/romantic tension in a way that didn't feel natural to their personalities. I realized that just because I was incredibly familiar with all the crushes between them didn't mean that all of the characters were. Some were a bit more oblivious—and others weren't quite ready to act on that knowledge. So I cut this to stay true to where the characters were emotionally at in that moment. (Those with sharp eyes may notice that Fitz's hair stayed green for a bit longer in this draft—and the rules/process of matchmaking was slightly different.)

—Shannon

They were halfway across the bridge when Fitz shouted, "Wait!" 

His green hair made him look like an alien as he ran to catch up with them.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked Sophie, then noticed everyone watching them. "Telepathically?" 

What's up? she transmitted as she opened her mind to his thoughts.

I just wanted to say that if you can't sleep tonight—or if you wake up with nightmares or something—call for me. I've heard your transmissions from halfway around the world. I should be able to pick them up from across the river. 

But what if I wake you? 

Who cares? 

"Are you guys done flirting over there?" Keefe shouted. "Is this how it's going to be now that you're Fitzphie?" 

"Stop calling us that!" Sophie shouted back. 

"That's right," Fitz agreed. "We're Sophitz!" 

He grinned at her as her brows shot up. And then…he hugged her.

It wasn't a tight hug or anything. In fact, there was probably enough space to fit another person between them. 

But still—FITZ WAS HUGGING HER. 

Figured this ought to shut Keefe up, he transmitted, killing the moment. 

"Call me if you need me," he said out loud. 

Sophie turned and walked away, keeping her eyes on her feet as she crossed the rest of the bridge and ducked inside. Della was kind enough to head straight for her room. Unfortunately, Biana didn't let her off the hook so easy. 

"So, what was that about?" she asked. 

Sophie went for distraction. "I'm just worried about my family." 

"I know," Biana said quietly. "I'm sorry. I hope they're okay." 

"Me too." 

Sophie was almost to her room when Biana added, "But that's not what I mean, and you know it. Are you and Fitz…?"

Sophie waited. 

If Biana wasn't going to say it, she certainly wasn't. 

Biana narrowed her eyes. "You're going to make me bring up the hug?" 

Sophie cringed. 

This was dangerous territory. 

Biana had almost not become her friend because she thought Sophie was using her to get to her brother. And Sophie would never do that—but she also wouldn't have minded if Fitz noticed her on his own. 

Biana didn't need to know that. Especially since the truth was so much less exciting. "Fitz was just trying to annoy Keefe," Sophie mumbled, attempting not to let her disappointment leak into her voice. 

And maybe it worked, because all Biana said was "Hmm." 

Then again, when Sophie turned to leave, Biana called after her. 

"You know I don't care, right? If you and my brother…I mean, it'd be weird, but…" 

"We're friends," Sophie insisted. 

"I know. But just in case…” 

“Um. Okay." 

Sophie wondered if it were possible to have a more awkward conversation. Apparently, it was, because Biana had to go and ask, "What about Dex? And Keefe?" 

Now those were dangerous questions. Well, not the Dex part—but Keefe? 

“They're also my friends."

Biana arched one brow, clearly not convinced. 

"Aren't we all supposed to be waiting to be matched or something?" Sophie asked, trying to steer away from the trickier subjects. 

Not that being "matched" was any less weird. It was one of the strangest parts about being an elf. The elves had a complicated matchmaking system, and not following it had huge consequences. They claimed it was to ensure proper genetic diversity in their offspring, but the whole thing felt super unfair, and like a disaster waiting to happen. 

"I guess that's true," Biana agreed, looking somewhat mollified. "Can you believe we'll have to register next year? Well, assuming we're not still on the run." 

"Next year?" Sophie asked. 

"Yeah. We register when we enter Level Four at Foxfire. I mean, we don't get our matches right then or anything. That's not until we finish Level Six. But we register early so the matchmakers have time to prepare our lists." 

"That's…really soon." 

"I know." 

Biana didn't seem nearly as freaked out by this information. She even laughed at Sophie's stunned expression. 

"Good night, Sophie." 

"Night," Sophie mumbled, stumbling blankly back to her room.