#if i keep this in my drafts any longer i will delete this out of fustration and never come back to it

[div1nity]

𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄⠀⠀ ‟⠀⠀⠀⠀… ⠀⠀⠀the⠀⠀cost⠀⠀of⠀⠀fame⠀⠀was⠀⠀just⠀⠀a⠀⠀𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍⠀⠀𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒆⠀⠀𝒕𝒐⠀⠀𝒑𝒂𝒚⠀⠀at⠀⠀the⠀⠀time⠀⠀,⠀⠀a⠀⠀little⠀⠀favour⠀⠀and⠀⠀𝖙𝖍𝖊⠀⠀𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖎𝖑⠀⠀would⠀⠀𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒⠀⠀𝑢𝑝⠀⠀𝑚𝑦⠀⠀𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒⠀⠀.⠀⠀but⠀⠀now⠀⠀i'm⠀⠀𝑜𝑛⠀⠀𝑡ℎ𝑒⠀⠀𝑟𝑢𝑛⠀⠀'cause⠀⠀he⠀⠀wants⠀⠀me⠀⠀𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝⠀⠀𝐨𝐫⠀⠀𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞⠀⠀,⠀⠀the⠀⠀fame⠀⠀and⠀⠀fortune⠀⠀got⠀⠀me⠀⠀trapped⠀⠀in⠀⠀a⠀⠀𝘤𝑖𝘵𝑦⠀⠀𝘰𝑓⠀⠀𝘭𝑖𝘦𝑠⠀⠀.⠀⠀mirror⠀⠀,⠀⠀mirror⠀⠀sitting⠀⠀up⠀⠀high⠀⠀on⠀⠀the⠀⠀wall⠀⠀;⠀⠀save⠀⠀me⠀⠀from⠀⠀𝖙𝖍𝖊⠀⠀𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖎𝖑⠀⠀that's⠀⠀ho͟l͟d͟i͟n͟g͟⠀͟⠀͟m͟y͟⠀͟⠀͟s͟o͟u͟l⠀⠀,⠀⠀coming⠀⠀for⠀⠀the⠀⠀favor⠀⠀that⠀⠀he⠀⠀𝒌𝒏͟𝒐͟𝒘͟𝒔⠀⠀that⠀⠀i⠀⠀owe⠀⠀.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ／⠀⠀headcanons⠀ , ⠀⠀threads⠀ , ⠀⠀playlist⠀ , ⠀⠀open starters⠀ , ⠀⠀starter call .⠀⠀ ⠀trigger⠀⠀warnings : ⠀⠀the typical things that come with overwatch : political unrest , murder / assassination all that mumbo jumbo | this is an ever evolving verse , which means more info will be added or changed as time goes on .

ca͟l͟l͟ ͟s͟i͟g͟n : blue ( blackwatch ) | virago ( current : HISTORY , the title has a long and rich history dating back to hellenistic philosophy in ancient greece ; the concept itself linked to the notion of brave men abiding society and being the core of its values and ethics - it's about heroism, morality and physical strength ; women at the time were considered lesser in comparison . however, if exceptional enough - these women could be granted with the title virago - meaning the woman had surpassed the exceptions for what believed possible for her gender and embodied masculine like aggression and/or excellence. virago, then, was a title of respect and admiration. as time went on, the meaning changed to something more negative, 'a domineering, violent, or bad-tempered woman.' or 'shrew' - the title intertwined with it's original meaning and the newest ; however most understand the name to mean the latter . coraline's strong connection to greece and the history is what inspired this title - it's also a little on the nose study that just like the callsign, there is more to coraline and her character than the faracde displayed on the surface . ) bi͟r͟t͟h͟p͟l͟a͟c͟e : britain. lo͟c͟a͟t͟i͟o͟n : bounces around a lot ; has a few apartments in shady spots . however one of her main resting places is a ship that's in the middle of the australian desert ; it has everything she needs . fa͟c͟e͟c͟l͟a͟i͟m : depends when the mood strikes , sometimes natasha romanoff from the marvel comics ; othertime i'll use lara croft both game and comics ; i'll also just use my main live action. ac͟c͟e͟n͟t : due to travelling , coraline's accent has a twinge of everything ; however there is a prominant southen london tone that is more dominant . la͟n͟g͟u͟a͟g͟e͟s͟ ͟k͟n͟o͟w͟n : greek, spanish, russian, swedish, irish, korean, german, chinese, japanese, french, arabic, morse code . sc͟a͟r͟s : deep , red scar across neck from a fatal wound during a blackwatch ops - only managed to survive due to the meds team quick response / talent ; often covered up with a choker , gun shot wounds on left hip and right shoulder . ta͟t͟t͟o͟o͟s : faded blackwatch logo on right side ; clearly in the process of being removed ( is sorrttaa gone recall ; it was a drunken mistake in her ovw era ) / rose thorns circling right thigh , cat tattoo left arm . jo͟b͟ ͟h͟i͟s͟t͟o͟r͟y : worked for overwatch in their undercover division , blackwatch . when disbanded was an assassin for hire with no loyalty to any cause - has a history of being hired by talon acquaintances ; thus starting a complicated , untitled relationship with the group . sk͟i͟l͟l͟s : martial arts , hacking , engineering ( the later two certainly aren't her specialities , they're just things she can do at a low scale . ) po͟w͟e͟r͟s : magic user , has regenerative cells that cause quick healing , this is also why coraline appears ageless - though is mortal , just requires a fatal wound to kill her . ab͟i͟l͟i͟t͟i͟e͟s͟ ͟i͟n͟ ͟g͟a͟m͟e : create portals and jump from different areas of the map ( no team mates can use ) with a 10 second cool down , self healing , smoke bomb that has a 6 second cool down ULTIMATE : duplicates nearby team members for 7 seconds , sending out holograms that mimic the individuals actions . it's the slowest ultimate build due to the intensity of it . lo͟a͟d͟o͟u͟t : M110 semi-automatic sniper , nighthawk aac recon : silenced , throwing knives and an omniblade machete | has an ai companion named hephaestus that helps on missions when/if needed .

𝐏𝐑𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇

the streets have always been coraline's home , even when having four walls and a roof - she didn't shy away from sneaking out and sleeping in alleys in favour of her bed . her parents were abusive ; mean, rich and powerful people who didn't hesitate to weaponize it, even against their own blood . they were reason why she was born with survival flowing through her veins - the reason why she's always had a sharpness about her that the kids around her lacked . it was only a matter of time before she took to them full time , deciding that they were safer than being at 'home' - of cause the streets came with harsh challenges , with ruthlessness - but it was better , making it an environment coraline thrived in all too well .

she needed friends on the streets ... so to speak , friendships are rare in and of themselves - what she needed was allies. meaning snuggling up to gangs in different areas was the next best thing, it was the way to provide safety ; shelter without stepping on anyone's toes, especially with the ever rising conflicts. she didn't carry a title ; at least not internally , outwardly was another story ; realistically, everyone was using each other, it's what made the system work - mutually beneficial relationships, while fickle, have a strength about them the longer you remain useful. within the system there are still special connections to be made - cautious friendships, if you will. with this came trust, in return you can get shelter, food and something that couldn't be gained on her own ; stability and purpose.

it wasn't long before coraline was put to work, things she was more than happy to do - smuggling drugs across state lines, stealing intel from different gangs ; dangerous work, especially for a child - but it was work she thrived in. coraline had a talent for stealth , for having a quickness on feet - it what built her reputation and she wasted no time profiting off of it. there was also the added edge of having abilities that others tyically didn't ; magic usage had only been a small percentage of her life, trying to avoid it as much as possible ; however it came in handy when being sent on the low scale missions - quick healing, the ability to create portals - it made her life easier, it certainly made her far more efficent. though it was a secret held close to heart - she didn't need to go bragging and giving up all her secrets.

it's this what got her on overwatch's radar ; there was a long while of them keeping tabs on her movements, watching from afar and getting a better understanding of her skills and talents - she was the perfect candidate for the organization - the exact sort of skills that they were looking for - though it was a little while before getting involved, obviously waiting for an oppotunity to arise before approaching.

in truth, it didn't take long. the life was catching up with coraline - between gang conflicts coming to ahead, the law slowly closing in and people realising that she was playing both sides with a little too many unfulfilled debts, there were a lot of people seeking her out - the sloppiness had much to do with her worsening drug habit, it was making her reckless, no thoughts going into her actions - she wasn't happy, coraline doesn't remember a time where she was and as a result they were the only things that made her forget about her life - the state she's made of it, it was easy to fall into hopelessness when there wasn't any hope to begin with.

one night, coraline had snuck away from the group after packing up her belongings, what was worth while of it ; a gun, some stolen money and some clothes - it was here when overwatch decided it was time to approach her - extending a helping hand and offering a second chance, a chance to care about something other than herself ; a chance to be someone she could be proud of. coraline didn't really have a choice when accepting, but she'd be lying if she was mad about it.

HEADCANONS :

as mentioned , coraline was heavily involved in drug use ; specifically meth , speed and cocaine - anything that kept her awake and had her blood pumping. there have been several instances of her stealing from stealing from suppliers - giving them the drugs in full, only to sneak back and steal some for herself.

another side gig that was taken up more so as a way to pass the time was partaking in illegal boxing matches - it was something she watched regularly and enjoyed betting on ; it was only a matter of time before taking a personal liking to it ; it was harsh, violent, of cause she couldn't help but be drawn to it - after voicing interest in this, a boxer that hired her to gather intel had taken up the task of teaching her how to fight in a ring ; at first he voiced that she would be stupid to take up going into the ring, even with how much she was learning with him - but that just made the notion more exciting, "it's all about the show, ain't it?" she'd grin, wiping her mouth of blood from a particularly bad punch he'd swung at her - it was then he became aware of how quickly she healed, seeing this, the boxer had taught her how to use her smaller body and strength to her advantage - going up against people her size and the closest to her weight as they could find at the time - but she proved to be a worthy opponent - it was a while before finding her footing, but when that was found she ended up diving into rigging the fights for extra money ; she was in her element. though, it did become just another mess she got herself into.

𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇

before even stepping her foot through the door, overwatch had put coraline in their medical facility in an attempt to help her detox off of the drugs - it was an agonizing road ; dealing with sweats, emotional out bursts and violent mood swings - truly, the most painful experience she had ever been through ; not the fighting, the emotional torment of the streets - simply being away from the drugs almost completely broke her apart, she had relied on them so long to feel anything, to just exist she never realised how much strain they were putting on her body. despite the clear signs of addiction displayed, in truth, coraline never noticed just how much she relied on substances.

it was under a year before overwatch decided they were satisfied with her recovery, though given her cells, she recovered quickly ; at least physically, there was still the aspect of dealing with the mental torment of it all in the aftermath - but she said as long as she kept her mind busy, she would be fine - she feels ready to take on the world, to start new - she's never felt as good as she did in that moment - with the vote of confidence, they put her to work - well, training most specifically ; honing in on her fighting skills, practicing shooting - she had fun with it, even acting as a therapy.

she struggled learning how to trust - she lived her life backstabbing, lying and manipulating - it was the way things were. to suddenly change up the dynamic and put her life in the hands of other people in such a way caused her to have a slight crisis - team building exercises were regular, helping her get used to people, in a way, overwatch was helping her to completely rewire her social perception. it was a painful road seeing people as friends and not as enemies, but after a long time, of training with them and fighting along side them - she began to open herself up. allowing herself to get comfortable, to get somewhat soft around others and become docile - she was happier ; she was putting her talents to use while not having to worry about going home and getting stabbed in her sleep.

MORE TO BE ADDED .

HEADCANON :

i personally hc that coraline was a part of the venice mission, because .. c'mon, it's fun to think about - and while a lot of her portrayal revolves around the core four, if you're a blackwatch writer ( gabriel , genji , moria , cassidy ) and don't vibe with the idea, then that's fine ! just let me know - because i can make it so the impact bw had on her are faceless within the group rather than specifically canon charcters.

𝐏𝐑𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋

after the collapse of overwatch, it took a little while for coraline to get back on her feet ; naturally , this left a large hole in her life that was originally filled by the group - they found her when she was at her worst and as a result she truly never pictured a time where she'd be without them . looking back , she realises how foolish she had been to put so much faith in something that wasn't even remotely sustainable - it was an undercover military group , the shadow of something that represented an artificial light that never truly existed in the first place ; it was bound to collapse in on itself from the weight of sins that it carried ; however she was young , she had a spark in her that made her hopeful - vulnerable , weaker - a mistake she promised to herself to never make again .

she took some time away , retirement so to speak , though without any of the actual relaxing ; taking the time to learn new skills ; languages , hacking , engineering - she knew already knew how to kill , how to fight ; blackwatch saw to that - they had taught her everything she needed to know , but that's nothing without the intelligence and added skills to back that up ; killing , fighting - it was easy, anyone could do it - there always needs to be an added edge . she built gadgets , practiced hacking anything that was of interest - she wanted to be better , she wanted to make herself bulletproof because she knew the path she was about to go down required her to be the best - at least be better than who she once was .

before going back on the field, her first move was to erase herself completely - cleaning up every little shadow of herself she could find in an attempt to have a fresh start, to burn her past self to the ground and rise from the ashes - not necessarily as someone better. her illegal boxing matches from her teenage years, the drug smuggling and gang activity, her time at overwatch - thrown out, as if it never happened at all. any trace of her legal name was gone, she preferred it that way, in this moment came some sort of clarity , even if dipped in melancholy - she became a new person, she had her entire life ahead of her without any of the baggage holding her down - though with this new found lightness, came a lot of bad ideas - ones she was more than happy to live out despite the grave consequences that will unfold from them . continuing the career of mercenary seemed like the most logical line of work for her to go in ; so that's what she did . nothing unusual, nothing that she wasn't already used to ; but eventually she fell into the assassin career, it was one that took a little too easily - even worse, she enjoyed it - she was far too good at the work and it eventually became the new norm in her contracts.

coraline's problem was she didn't really know herself, never took the time to learn. there was no outside of the violence ; because that's all there was, she can't picture not being behind a gun . finding herself in this line of work was natural progression from her previous employment . with dedication, pride and a swift efficiency - it only took a couple of years for her name to become a whisper in the places where it mattered. much like before overwatch she took to the moto of once again having no loyalty , no moral code - she didn't care who was the target, just that the pay was heavy and the client knew what it meant to be inconspicuous - she became the go to gun when needed something done ; swift, quick, easy and was already out of the targets vicinity when the pulling the trigger . eventually she was hired by higher profiles, being paid to off ceos, politicians and high end criminal targets .

coraline can always been seen wearing a mask, without one she feels naked, exposed and far too seen ; people describe her as cold, calculated, lacking empathy - but in truth … that isn't the case, though her actions certainly prove otherwise . she still has moments of hesitating when she knows certain targets don't deserve it, has moments of taking a sharp breath through teeth and closing her eyes as she pulls the trigger and wincing once the bullet goes through a target - she has a job to do and a title to maintain - so ultimately, it gets done, no matter what ; the guilt, the dirty feeling that sticks to her after every mission is ignored, as a result she isn't in the best headspace - forcing herself to shut down as much as humanly possible ; though that's just it, she's still human and living isn't as easy as it used to be - or maybe she's just getting old and faking it is becoming harder ; it's an unwavering farcade that very few can see beyond.

HEADCANONS :

coraline's kill methods range from distance to up close and personal. her usual sign that she was the person behind the kill is kills via blade ; usually leaving behind quite a scene, especially when she deems someones death worthwhile. she likes to see the light fade from someones eyes, likes to be reminded what it looks and feels like when someone dies right in front of her ; it's easy to pull a trigger. it's another thing to hear the final breaths. this is also a method to keep her emotions in check, in short ; not only is it fun, but there's an element of personal mental self harm by putting herself through the trials to stop her going soft.

𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋

work in progress .

[caterkinnie]

Hi Caterkinnie! Your work is really amazing, thank you so much for all your work in the fandom! I think anyone who sees your headcanons days are brightened! May I request Rook, Jamil, Ruggie and Azul or Vil (up to you) with a friend they have been deeply in love with for a long time, who's just broken up from a long-term bad relationship. I'd find it really interesting to see the angst the boys struggled with while their friend was in such a bad relationship--a relationship that would somehow never end no matter how awful or neglectful their partner was (up to your imagination how their partner was)--and how they handled not letting their deepening love/crush show (if that's how they'd handle it. I honestly have no idea as to how Rook especially would handle this situation). And of course, now that there's been an unprecedented breakup, what now? I hope that wasn't too specific. I just thought it'd be interesting because I just broke up from a long-term relationship @__@ (5 years for me... In my case, I was dating a selfish man child. According to my friends, it was heartbreaking to watch because no matter what they said/did or what he said/did it would never end, so they just had to watch the rollercoaster play out while white knuckled). I haven't seen headcanons on this type of situation yet and how the boys would respond, so I'd love to see your headcanons. Not to mention, your writing is so top knotch, and I feel like you really get the complexity of so many of these characters, that I was pumped to ask when I saw your requests are open. If it's too specific or you're not feeling it, I get it! I hope you keep rocking on with this blog and whatever else you're up to! Thank you for the hardwork!

Supporting you through a bad break up...

❥ ⌗ characters: Rook hunt, Jamil Viper, Ruggie Bucchi, Azul Ashengrotto.

❥ ⌗ Summary: After a long long time with the person who you thought was the love of your life, ended the relationship suddenly with the pretext he was no longer in love. You decided to confide your feelings with your closest friend; a friend who happened to be deeply in love with you.

❥ ⌗ tags: tw for toxic relationship, though details aren't given, there are mentions of arguments and toxic behaviour. didn't proofread enough. sorry if ooc.

❥ ⌗ a/n: sorry anon!!!!!!! I've had this drafted since you requested this... and only now i finished it!!! i couldn't bring myself to delete it as I loved the idea so much. Hope if you see this that you're doing so much better now!!!!

Rook made it very clear from the beginning he had feelings for you, but would not attempt to show them.

He also could see the signs of what seemed to be an unhappy relationship that sooner or later was going to come to an end; signs you probably didn't notice.

He's a very caring man, ever since the moment he met you he always tried to help you in any way, and this was no exception; but he also knew, as much as it hurt him, you needed time to realize that the person you loved didn't treat you in the way you deserved to be treated. It hurt him so deeply to see the way he talked to you, but Rook wasn't a hero who would yell at your boyfriend to stop. He had to be subtle — trying to calm the waters when he was around, defending you in his own way. His heart ached, sometimes with jealousy, sometimes with rage — sometimes both, but he refused to let you know about any of these emotions. He was there for you, whether you needed help or advice.

He helped you because he loved you, he constantly told you how important you were to him and there was nothing he wished more than to take you away and treat you like a queen. But alas, his love was not only unrequited, you were in love with someone else.

Oh, how glad he'd be if only one day you woke up and chose him! The selfish part of him wanted to rush, but he knew he had to be patient... Someday it'd happen, or at the very least... you'd be with someone else who makes you happy, and that's something he would like as well.

But when you come to him to tell him everything that happened...

He's going to comfort you and walk you through the feelings the breakup left… In those cases, he's not as mischievous as he typically is. His voice is soft and soothing, as he tries to get your mind off things, as well as being of support when you need it the most…

He can't bring himself to court you while doing so, although deep down, he wishes someday you'll see his efforts, even if he's not exactly expecting you to fall for him…

However, your now ex-boyfriend will avoid you like the plague, and runs away when Rook is nearby, and you wonder if he had something to do with that….

Jamil warned you about your partner a few times, he didn't want to get TOO involved to avoid making you upset, but every time the subject was brought up…. he felt a deep heaviness in his heart that he hated.

The least thing he wanted was for you to notice his feelings. But maybe he was too insistent on the idea that it was best if you broke up…

But those were genuinely good feelings. He saw how bad you were being treated and constantly found himself thinking… “I could do better, so much better…” Yet he hated himself for it. What could he do, if you never saw anything in him?

He feels all of these things, yet it's like… he only wants you to Not Be with your boyfriend. Jamil believes you'd never love him back as well.

If you came to him for advice, he'd give it to you— but his voice was always restrained… and soon enough, he just tried his best to act as if his feelings weren't there, as if he was just a friend who gave advice and was exhausted by you not following it.

But then… it finally happened, but as happy as he felt, seeing how much it affected you.. it didn't feel like victory (even if it was!)

He wouldn't constantly seek you out. But if you need to vent he's always there. He's not good with comforting words… but his honesty can be soothing and grounding. As well as he might sometimes just try to aid you in general, after all… acts of service (unfortunately) are second nature for him.

Whether it's for food… studying… anything. You don't even have to ask… But he's not expecting you to like him back. And not in a cute “he'll wait for you!” kind of way… he thinks you'd never reciprocate his feelings. And he's not sad about that! Jamil just accepted that as a reality. Whether that changes or not is up to you…

Ruggie's pretty straightforward… Not with his feelings, but with his opinion on your boyfriend.

He takes every chance he gets to say something about him and as much as he tries to play it off as a joke, his voice is bitter… He hates him so much!

Ruggie wants to believe he only hates him because you're someone he could dare to call a friend! He denies any other underlying reason for his distaste for your boyfriend that isn't that he's unfair with you... But obviously, he's a bit prideful, a tiiny bit. He couldn't help but try to impress you every time he could. He wished that you'd see how you deserved to be treated… And maaaaybe how much better he is. And he tries for so long, it's kind of obvious if you know him well. If you're observant enough you might have caught on to his feelings.

However, that all changed when you went to him looking for the comfort of a friend, after your relationship ended…

Like Jamil, Ruggie wanted to feel happy, he wanted to celebrate! Finally you weren't tied to that man-child! You could finally focus on yourself and maaaybe on him….. But when he saw how heartbroken you looked, he couldn't bring himself to act on those emotions. You were hurt, and he hated seeing you like that. Though he's pretty awkward at it… He'll try his best to comfort you, but his words feel stiff and you can tell this is not his area of expertise…

He does so much better when it comes to acts of service. He'll try his best to distract you, make you laugh… which is something he'd love to hear again. He won't dare to mention his feelings however. It'd take a long time before he even considers that he could have a chance.

Unlike everyone before, Azul'd rather stay quiet.

He already hated the idea of having feelings for you, and just wanted to forget you existed to make the tightness in his heart disappear. He wasn't one to believe in love, let alone the fact that you were already committed to a relationship…

Yet because of that same reason he wasn't able to leave.

He had a special way of aiding you out of uncomfortable situations and stupid arguments, almost appearing randomly and requesting attention from one of you. The way he dissipated the tense air by just intruding (literally) was almost comical.

Azul's not sure of what to do, as he always regrets helping you, he says you're hopeless and it's up to you to change the situation… as if he doesn't care at all unless you're going to make a deal with him, but then he ALWAYS comes back, lends a listening ear, maybe greets you with some tea and a few snacks… Oh he pays for them, don't worry. It's a gift.

Then he goes back to feeling guilty for helping you, and frustrated for liking you.

….He's a complex guy.

One of those times, you came to talk to him at his office (which the twins knew you had special priority over his other tasks. Even if he never asked.) and told him what happened, you had an argument and it escalated, leading to the breakup… In which he seemed calm as always listening to you… asking you to sit on the couch as he paid attention to your woes.

He was at a loss for words.

Yes, he did believe this was for the best… but this ACTUALLY happening made him realize he never planned what to do beforehand. He repeated the typical routine, something sweet to drink… something soothing to eat… He's a good listener, and he will easily ignore his crush on you to help you better.

His feelings were always second place for him, and Azul seems like the kind of guy who low-key wishes you don't love him back, as he wouldn't know what to do if you did... (even as flattered as he'd feel, he still struggles with trusting people.)

However… if you're too uncomfortable with tour ex… He might ask the twins to aid you if you wish to not see him again! For free of course. You shoule accept his kindness… as he typically doesn't offer such services for free.

Reblogs are appreciated!!!

[simplyraeblue]

King and Captive

(Hunter and Hunted Spin-Off) read here

modern au a chance meeting with Sukuna quickly turns into a nightly routine you can't escape. as the lines between game and something more blur, you start to wonder—how long can you keep playing, or will Sukuna make you his next conquest? !Sukuna x !femreader

chapter warnings/tags: swearing, light drinking, MDNI, NSFW, guard dog energy men, Toji is his own warning, why can't I have Gojo and Geto be my friends, suggestive talk but no smut

A/N: why have I decided to make Toji the villain? idk man's hot and I just like thinking about him. also, I hope we like that Sukuna is becoming more of a softy cause of us, but obviously he still has that devilish man inside ;)

index part ten | part twelve

part eleven word count: 4,061

Sukuna stirred, his body aching from the physical altercation with Toji. He lay in bed a while longer, his mind replaying the fight outside the bar. While part of him regretted the escalation, a deeper, more primal part of him knew he would do it again if it meant keeping you safe.  

Sukuna reached for his phone on the nightstand. He paused, thumb hovering over the screen, recalling your calm demeanor and the way you had reassured him last night. It struck him then—just how much you had come to mean to him, not just as a friend or someone he felt compelled to protect, but as someone deeply ingrained in the fabric of his life. 

With a sigh, he unlocked the phone, his inbox empty of any new messages. He debated sending you a text, something casual to ensure you were okay, but also something to express his gratitude for your understanding. He typed out a message, hesitated, then deleted it. Words seemed inadequate. 

He needed to make things right, not just with you but within himself. 

The sound of his phone buzzing broke his reverie. It was Gojo, likely checking in after hearing about the fight. Sukuna answered, his tone neutral as he braced for the conversation. 

“Morning, how are you holding up?” Gojo’s voice was light, but there was an underlying seriousness that spoke of his concern. 

“I’m alright,” Sukuna responded, his gaze settling on the cityscape outside his window. “Just thinking about last night.” 

“Yeah, about that…” Gojo trailed off, then continued, “You made a tough call, but I get why you did it. Just, you know, maybe next time let’s try to handle it without the fists?” 

Sukuna chuckled dryly, “I’ll try, but no promises when it comes to him.” 

"Listen, man, I don't blame you at all," Gojo reassured Sukuna, his voice then dropping to a more serious tone. "If I see him look that way at her again, I'll be right there beside you next time." 

Sukuna was only slightly stunned by Gojo’s protectiveness of you, almost fierce enough to match his own. A part of him knew better – Gojo would go to great, dangerous lengths for his friends, and it seemed you had fallen into that category quickly in his mind.  

Meanwhile, you were in the middle of your workday, focused on some designs you were drafting for a client, when Mai approached your desk with an uncharacteristically hesitant look on her face. 

“Hey,” she began, her voice tinged with an awkwardness that immediately put you on edge. “These were delivered for you.” She set down a small, elegantly wrapped box of chocolates on your desk. The packaging was sleek, the kind of high-end confectionery that screamed expensive. However, it was the note attached to it that caught your attention and sent a shiver down your spine. 

“Thought you could use a sweet pick-me-up. – Toji” 

You stared at the box, feeling a mix of confusion and rising discomfort. “Did he say anything else when he dropped these off?” you asked Mai, hoping for some context that might mitigate the weirdness of the gesture. 

Mai shook her head. “Nope, just handed them over with that smirk of his. But, uh, there’s something else,” she added, her tone cautious. She pointed to a smaller label on the side of the box that you hadn’t noticed. It read: ‘Contains aphrodisiac ingredients – for a fun time.’ 

Your stomach turned. It felt like a blatant invasion of your personal boundaries, especially given everything that had happened. The idea that Toji thought this was an appropriate way to reach out, after the clear message you had all sent him, was both infuriating and deeply unsettling. 

Seeing your distressed reaction, Mai quickly added, “You don’t have to take them, you know. We can just toss them out. I’m really sorry, I should’ve checked first.” 

You nodded, feeling a rush of gratitude for Mai’s supportive presence. “No, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. But yeah, let’s just get rid of them. I don’t want anything from him.” 

Mai grabbed the box and disposed of it in the trash bin near your desk. “Good riddance,” she muttered. 

Trying to shake off the discomfort, you focused back on your work, but the incident had left a sour taste. What was he thinking?  

It was like Toji was trying to get under your skin – no, he was trying to get under Sukuna’s skin. There must have been some history between them, though the specifics eluded you. If it had been significant, surely Sukuna would have shared it with you... wouldn't he? 

As you mulled over this, the thought nagged at you, until you just couldn’t take any more. “Sukuna, can I ask you something?” you began, leaning against the counter next to where he was working on a tattoo design at the shop. 

He looked up from his station, his expression open and attentive. “Sure, what’s up?” 

“It’s about Toji,” you started, carefully watching his reaction. Sukuna’s demeanor shifted slightly, a subtle tenseness appearing. “Is there a history there? Something I should know about?” 

Sukuna paused for a moment, considering how much to reveal. Then, he sighed and set down his tablet, leaning against the counter. “Yeah, there’s history,” he admitted. “Toji and I go way back. We used to run in the same circles, got into a lot of trouble together. But things went south when he started going down a path I couldn’t follow—gambling, getting involved with some shady people. He hasn’t changed, and he’s not the kind of person I want around here, especially not around people I care about.” 

You listened, absorbing his words. “What kind of trouble? What dangerous things did you guys get into?” 

Sukuna looked at you, measuring his response. "Let's just say we were young and reckless. We took risks—street fights, illegal races, that sort of thing. Nothing I'm proud of, and I left that life behind a long time ago. I made a decision to change, and unfortunately, Toji didn't." 

“You,” you said, pointing your finger at him with a slight smirk, “were dumb enough to participate in illegal races? Was it on your bike?” 

“Don’t start,” Sukuna chuckled, appreciating your light-hearted teasing as he leaned over to flick your forehead playfully. “I had a shittier bike back then, didn’t matter what happened to it.” 

His expression then shifted suddenly, becoming more thoughtful. 

“Or me,” he added softly, his voice dropping to almost a whisper. 

The change in his tone made you pause, the playful atmosphere dissipating immediately. It was a rare glimpse into the more vulnerable side of Sukuna, one that he didn’t often show. 

“You really didn’t care about what happened to you?” you asked gently, noticing the somber shift in his mood. 

Sukuna looked away briefly, his eyes distant as if reliving memories he seldom spoke of. “Back then, I didn’t. It felt like nothing really mattered,” he admitted quietly, then sighed. “But I found reasons to change my outlook. Found things... and people worth caring for.” 

His gaze returned to you, lingering with a depth that conveyed unspoken truths, suggesting that you were among those reasons he referred to. You couldn’t help but feel a chill run down your spine at the way he looked at you.  

“Are you guys sharing secrets without us?” 

The sudden addition of a familiar voice almost sent even more of a shiver through your body as you physically lurched forward away from the sound. “Gojo!” you shouted at the white-haired menace, turning to see both him and Geto looking smug at the fact they’d snuck up on you. 

"Ah, what do we have here? Sukuna getting all sentimental? I never thought I'd see the day," Gojo teased, a broad grin spreading across his face as he slung an arm around your shoulder. 

Geto followed close behind, chuckling. "Yeah, Sukuna, you're usually so tough. What happened? Did you guys watch a sad movie or something?" he joked, leaning against a nearby workstation and giving you a wink. 

Sukuna rolled his eyes, but there was a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Can't a guy have a serious conversation once in a while without you two crashing the party?" 

"Serious conversation, huh? Who knew you had it in you?" Gojo continued, nudging Sukuna playfully in the arm. "Don’t worry, we'll keep your secret. Won't tell a soul that the great Sukuna has a soft side." 

"Alright, alright, enough about me," Sukuna conceded, his tone still lighthearted. "What brings you two here so late? Don’t tell me you missed us already." 

Gojo shrugged, his playful demeanor persisting. "We just finished up a project nearby and thought we’d check in. Plus, we wouldn’t miss a chance to tease you a bit." 

Geto nodded in agreement, moving to sit on one of the empty chairs. "Yeah, and we brought some late-night snacks. Figured we could all use a little pick-me-up after a long day." 

"Please tell me it's not chocolate," you groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose as you caught sight of the snacks Gojo and Geto were unpacking. 

"Why?" Sukuna asked, his curiosity piqued along with Gojo and Geto, all three pairs of eyes now focused intently on you. 

Ah, that’s right. You hadn’t mentioned that little detail of your day to them. 

"Nothing to worry about," you said quickly, waving your hand dismissively, hoping to steer their attention away from the topic. You knew all too well that nothing good would come out of telling the three guard dogs you’d somehow gained. 

Gojo, however, wasn’t so easily dissuaded. His eyes narrowed playfully as he leaned in closer. "Come on, there's clearly a story there. You can't just drop a hint like that and expect us not to dig." 

"Yeah," Geto chimed in, his tone light but persistent. "What’s wrong with chocolate?" 

Realizing that evasion might only pique their curiosity further, you sighed and decided a partial truth might be the best approach. "Let's just say I received a gift of chocolates today that were supposed to be... well, they were labeled as aphrodisiacs," you explained. 

Gojo’s eyes lit up with mischief at this revelation. "Oh, really now? That sounds like a fun gift, maybe you should share with Sukuna," he teased, a grin spreading across his face. 

Before you could respond, Sukuna’s hand swiftly came down on the back of Gojo's head. "Pervert" Sukuna warned, though there was a hint of humor in his eyes despite his annoyance. 

Gojo rubbed the spot where he'd been hit, laughing. "Okay, okay. But you have to admit, it was a little funny," he conceded, still chuckling. 

Sukuna shot Gojo a sharp look, his patience clearly wearing thin, but Gojo only continued, undeterred. "Come on, Sukuna, don't be such a spoilsport. Imagine the possibilities! A little chocolate, a little nudity..." 

Before Gojo could continue with his increasingly suggestive scenarios, Sukuna reached out as if to smack him again, but this time Geto stepped in, catching Sukuna’s arm in mid-air. “Let’s not turn this into a wrestling match, too,” Geto chuckled, holding Sukuna back with minimal effort, his own amusement clear as he enjoyed the rare opportunity to restrain his usually unstoppable friend. 

"You guys are impossible," you laughed, finding the scene before you—Geto holding back a mock-glaring Sukuna, and Gojo's continued teasing—genuinely funny. It was these moments of absurdity that made anything else feel temporary. 

"Alright, alright, I'm done. If only for her sake” Gojo said, finally backing off a bit as he jutted his thumb in your direction, though his grin suggested he was quite pleased with himself for stirring things up. 

"You’re so hilarious," Sukuna admitted grudgingly, the corner of his mouth twitching in a reluctant smile as Geto released his arm, giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder as a peace offering. 

Even though Sukuna was less than pleased, you found yourself content to watch the three men continue to chastise each other for the rest of the night.  

- 

Sukuna had invited you on a proper date, a gesture that both excited and unnerved you given the complex layers of your relationship. He’d promised a surprise, a fancy evening out, which was quite the departure from the usual casual hangouts at the shop. 

As you prepared for the evening, Mai was at your side, bubbling with enthusiasm and a touch of mischief. She had brought over a slew of dress options, each more daring than the last, her excitement palpable in every enthusiastic gesture. 

“Ooh, try this one!” Mai exclaimed, pulling out a particularly bold, red dress that was a bit too revealing for the occasion. “Sukuna won’t be able to take his eyes off you all night in this!” 

You chuckled, taking the dress from her and holding it up for inspection. While the dress was undoubtedly stunning, it was more suited for a nightclub than a sophisticated evening out. “Mai, I think this screams 'party' more than 'elegant dinner.' Sukuna might fall off his chair!” 

Mai pouted playfully, “But that’s the point, isn’t it?” Yet, seeing your hesitation, she relented with a dramatic sigh. “Alright, alright. Let’s find something that’s sexy but not ‘falling-out-of-it’ sexy.” 

You both laughed as she dug back into the assortment of clothing, finally settling on the sleek, navy-blue dress you had eyed earlier.  

“Fine, we’ll go with sophisticated-sexy, not club-sexy,” Mai conceded as she helped you into the dress.  

As Mai moved on to your makeup, she kept the look soft and enhancing, focusing on accentuating your features rather than transforming them. “We’re aiming for ‘captivating’, not ‘captured’, right?” she quipped, applying a warm, subtle eyeshadow that made your eyes pop. 

“Exactly,” you agreed, laughing as she expertly applied mascara and a touch of eyeliner.  The final look was exactly what you had hoped for—classy, a bit seductive, but entirely appropriate for a romantic evening out. Mai stepped back to admire her work, nodding in approval. 

“You look incredible,” she affirmed. “Sexy, but like, ‘I’m-an-adult-who-knows-what-I’m-doing’ sexy.” 

“All thanks to you.” You shot a playful wink her way, making her roll her eyes in fake-disgust. 

Mai, seeing you fully dressed and almost ready to go, couldn't help herself and launched into one last pep talk. With her hands on your shoulders, she looked into your eyes through your mirror with an impish grin. 

"Okay, listen," she started, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, "tonight is your night. You look absolutely amazing, and Sukuna is going to be floored. Just remember, whatever happens, keep the mystery alive." 

Her advice started off genuinely supportive, but then her playful side began to show through, edging toward more daring suggestions. "You know, if the date goes really well, maybe you could try this trick with your tongue—" 

Just as Mai was about to delve into specifics that were decidedly more provocative than you were aiming for, a knock at the door interrupted her. You both froze, her mouth still hanging open in a paused giggle from her unfinished scandalous advice. 

"That must be Sukuna," you said, a blush creeping onto your cheeks, thankful for the interruption that spared you from the rest of Mai's boundary-pushing tips. 

Mai winked at you, quickly switching back to her supportive friend mode. "Go get him, tiger. And remember, you’re the sexiest thing of all." 

You walked over to the door, taking a deep breath to calm the fluttering in your stomach, and opened it to find Sukuna standing there. The moment he saw you, his eyes lit up, a genuine smile spreading across his face. It was clear he was as taken with your appearance as Mai had predicted. 

"Wow, you look incredible," Sukuna said, his gaze appreciative and warm. His compliment was sincere, making you feel all the more confident. 

"Thank you," you responded, feeling a rush of excitement for the night's plans. "You look pretty great yourself." 

With a chuckle, Sukuna offered his arm. "Of course I do. Shall we?" 

As you stepped out into the crisp evening air, Sukuna led you towards a sleek, black car parked just outside your building. You paused, a playful smile spreading across your face. "What's this? No bike tonight? I almost didn't recognize our transportation without the usual roar." 

Sukuna grinned, catching the tease in your tone. "Thought I'd switch it up and go for something a bit less... breezy tonight. Plus, this way, I get to enjoy not having to yell over the engine to talk to you." 

"You mean you don't enjoy our shouting conversations?" you quipped, laughing as you followed him to the car. "I was starting to think you preferred them, given how often we end up on that bike of yours." 

He opened the passenger door for you, his response delivered with a mock-serious nod. "Well, I figured it was time to show you I can be a gentleman with four wheels, not just two. But don't worry, the bike's not going anywhere. We can go back to our high-speed chats anytime you miss them." 

As you settled into the comfortable leather seat, you couldn't help but appreciate the change. "This is nice, though. I admit, it’s kind of a relief not to have to worry about helmet hair tonight." 

Sukuna laughed as he started the car. "See? I’m always thinking ahead. Just trying to keep things interesting for us." 

Once Sukuna pulled up to the elegantly lit entrance of the restaurant, he got out and quickly walked around to open your door, offering his hand with a charming smile. 

"You know, this chivalry thing suits you quite well," you teased as you accepted his hand to step out of the car. 

Sukuna chuckled, leading you toward the restaurant's grand entrance. "I'll make a note of it. Only the best for you tonight," he replied, his voice warm. 

The host greeted you both immediately, his professional smile widening as he looked from Sukuna to you. "Welcome, a table for two?" 

"Yes, please," Sukuna confirmed, his hand lightly resting on the small of your back as you followed the host inside. His touch warmed your skin, even down to your bones.  

Once seated at a private table with a perfect view of the restaurant’s garden, the host handed you menus and wished you a pleasant meal. Sukuna handed you your menu with a flourish, mimicking a waiter’s bow, which made you giggle. 

"Will you be ordering for both of us, Monsieur?" you played along, opening the menu with an exaggerated sense of importance. 

"Only if you trust my culinary choices," he winked. "But tonight, I think you should lead. After all, we wouldn’t want to end the evening with any culinary mishaps." 

As you both perused your menus, the playful mood continued. "What looks good to you?" you asked, scanning the options. 

"I’m thinking the seared scallops to start," Sukuna suggested, his eyes not leaving the menu. "For the main course, how does the duck confit sound?" 

"Decadent," you agreed, impressed with his selections. "Let’s do it. And maybe we can share a dessert if we have room." 

"Perfect. We’ll go all out tonight—start with the scallops, move on to the duck, and end with something sweet," he summarized, closing his menu and signaling a waiter. 

As the waiter approached, Sukuna confidently placed the order exactly as discussed. Once the waiter had departed, you leaned in with a raised eyebrow, a playful smirk forming. "To be honest, I thought we were just joking about the scallops and duck." 

Sukuna feigned a hurt expression, his lower lip jutting out slightly in a pout. "I have finer tastes than pizza and beer, you know," he responded, his tone mock-offended but his eyes twinkling with humor. 

You chuckled, enjoying the light-hearted banter. "Oh, really? I was under the impression that those were your gourmet staples." 

"Well, I like to surprise people," Sukuna retorted, leaning back in his chair with a smug look. "Besides, I can be sophisticated when the occasion calls for it. Tonight seemed like a good night to pull out all the stops." 

"Consider me thoroughly impressed, Mr. Sophistication," you teased, sipping your water. "I'll have to revise my Sukuna dossier when I get home." 

Sukuna laughed, his usual confidence mingling with a genuine warmth that made the evening feel even more special. "Make sure you update it to include 'charming dinner companion' and 'excellent taste in food,'" he suggested, raising his glass toward you. 

"And what should I list under 'hobbies'?" you asked, playing along. "Motorcycle racing? Gourmet cooking? Candlelit dinners?" 

"Definitely add 'making my date laugh,'" he shot back, clinking his glass against yours. "And maybe 'romantic at heart.'" 

As the conversation flowed and you both eagerly anticipated the next course, the atmosphere suddenly shifted when a new waiter appeared at your table, plates in hand. The unexpected presence was jarring as he delivered the dishes with a grin that you never wanted to see again. 

"Well, look who we have here," Toji said, setting down the food with unnecessary flourish. His gaze lingered on both of you, sparking an immediate tension in the air. 

Surprised and annoyed, Sukuna's demeanor changed instantly, his welcoming expression turning sharp. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked, his voice tight with controlled irritation. 

"Oh, just helping out tonight. Thought I’d personally ensure our special guests are taken care of," Toji replied nonchalantly, his eyes darting between you and Sukuna, clearly enjoying the discomfort he was causing. 

His reply did little to hide his true intent, which seemed to be more about provocation than hospitality. Toji took his time straightening up after setting the plates, his movements slow and deliberate as if to prolong his intrusion into your evening. 

"I see you're branching out into new ventures," Sukuna commented dryly, trying to maintain composure despite the unwelcome interruption. 

Toji chuckled, a sound that seemed more mocking than merry. "You know me, always exploring new opportunities. Plus, I couldn’t pass up the chance to see how you two are enjoying your romantic dinner." His tone was taunting, and he paused to give a pointed look that made his insinuations all too clear. 

Feeling the need to defuse the situation, you interjected with a firm politeness, "Thank you for delivering our meal. We appreciate it, but we’d also appreciate some privacy now." 

Toji held your gaze a moment longer, going so far as to scan lower, his smirk lingering as if to savor the disruption he’d caused. Finally, he straightened up and gave a shallow bow, mockingly formal. "Of course, enjoy your dinner," he said, before slowly turning to leave, his steps leisurely as he glanced back one last time, ensuring his presence was felt just a bit longer. 

“What the hell?” Sukuna muttered under his breath, his hands tightening into fists on the table. The annoyance was palpable in his voice, reflecting your own feelings.  

Despite Toji's departure from your immediate vicinity, the uneasy feeling that he was still watching hung heavily over you. Sukuna noticed your discomfort and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself for both your sakes. 

“Let’s not let him ruin our night,” Sukuna said, reaching across the table to gently place his hand over yours, offering a reassuring squeeze. “We’re here to have a good time, remember?” 

You nodded, appreciating Sukuna’s efforts to redirect the evening back to something more pleasant. “You’re right,” you agreed, forcing a smile and squeezing his hand back. “Let’s enjoy our meal.” 

And yet, even though you felt comforted by Sukuna’s presence in that moment, you still knew that somewhere... a pair of eyes were still settled on you. 

⊹. ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊

taglist : @mangiswig @sorahatake @osohchoso @clp-84 @sterzin @csolya @emochosoluvr @aldebrana @ravester @marie-is-in-the-dark @makingtimemine

[withlovemark]

to be loved - steve harrington

warning: mentions of steve's wounds, little angst! but it's a happy ending i promise

pairing: steve x reader

words: 2.3k+

summary: steve finally allows himself to believe in love again

an: i posted this a couple of days ago? and just now realized it got deleted. not really sure what happened there. anyways, found this in my drafts a week ago? (i have no concept of time). i didn't want to leave it rotting there so i wrote a quick ending and here you go. hope its okay!

-

three light taps, a knock that echoed throughout the boy’s dimly lit room, a sound enough to startle him after the events that have taken place in the past few days. not a single other person was in this house, a normality that he has accepted. steve’s parents were never around and he had no other relatives that would even care if he was still alive. his friends were a bunch of high schoolers, except for robin and…you.

he knows he’s messed it up with you. he can see it with the way you avoid his glances, the way you would choose to sit in the furthest chair away from him, the way you would get quiet when he was around and the way you stopped yourself from reaching out for him. the familiarity of your touch is no longer accessible, becoming only a memory. he can’t blame you though, your last words to him still replaying in his mind, loud and clear.

“i don't think i can do this anymore steve, i can't keep coming to your house, sleeping in your clothes, doing things that friends aren’t supposed to be doing, just for you to still be thinking about her.” 

he’s about to roll over onto his bed. to sleep the remnants of the past away. to keep ignoring everything like he always does and get ready for a new day, pretending he was healed. that he was okay. he was not. 

nowadays, it’s easier to slap a smile on his face instead of talking about his feelings. the last time he let himself truly feel something, he got his heart ripped out of his chest and trampled upon like it meant nothing, like it was a rock you could use to skip stones, one that you could let go of and not care enough whether it comes back to shore or get lost in the deepest parts of the lake. 

another knock makes its way to his ears. he thinks he’s imagining it until another one comes. grabbing the bat he hid between his nightstand, he slowly made his way to his bedroom door, feeling absolutely drained. the pain on his stomach, from the demobats that got a taste, still stinging, a pain that travels throughout his body with every miniscule movement. slowly, he carefully unlocks his door, ready to swing, until his brown eyes meet your wide, shocked ones. letting out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding, he slowly lowers his bat. 

“hi,” you whisper, “i uh, got in using the spare key,” a sheepish smile on your lips, holding up the silver key that was hidden in the dead plant placed on his front door. the key he told you about so you could sneak into his house at any given moment. the key that led to love marks all over his body, painting pink and purple constellations. the key you haven’t used since that night you decided to end whatever it was there to end. 

“you agreed to no feelings, that we would just be friends with benefits and that's it, you know that's all it could be,” steve has his face resting on his palm, his once perfectly styled hair going in different directions. like this - bare chest, lips still red from yours, neck stained beautifully by the artwork you left behind, he looked like he belonged in an art gallery. 

“i-i know, but i-i couldn’t help it…it’s just so easy to fall in love with you,” a confession that leaves the boy paralyzed, doe, teary eyes staring up at his brown ones — almost pleading.

“stop. you don’t know what you’re saying.” he’s angry. mad that those words could slip past your lips so easily. mad that even though you’re looking at him like he somehow brought the moon to you, he still can’t find it in himself to believe it. 

“steve-,” you try to reach out for his hand but he pulls away before you could even feel him. all you want is to pull him into your arms, to remind him that he is worth loving but you see the battle in his eyes, the war that’s taking place in his mind and you know he has his kingdom closed, walls up, ready to strike and defend himself at any second. there is no room for you in his castle, you see that now. 

“i-im sorry,” your voice was gentle, afraid he’ll completely lock the gate on you. the last thing you wanted was to fight, you’re defenseless when it comes to him. 

“let’s just pretend that none of this happened and we can go back to being friends, nothing changes and for the sake of us and the others, no questions asked,” his words were met with silence that cuts through like a sword against your neck. 

you felt detached from reality, feeling like you were watching this conversation happen instead of being a part of it. you had no control when you slowly got off his bed and quietly switched back into your clothes, his words transferring a sort of numbness to your whole being. 

he watched as you removed his t-shirt from your body and tossed it into his laundry bag, slipping back into your own clothes, making him think that his old t-shirt looked way better on you. yet all he did was watch. watched as you gave him one last forced smile and walked out of his room. the sound of the front door opening and closing traveling throughout the house. 

the days that followed after were stolen glances, opposite directions, uncomfortable silences, tiptoes, lingering feelings, longing stares, tension. neither one budged nor made the effort to even act like friends, going along with the others like they were fools when in reality, there can be no one more foolish than the pair. 

“hi?” he greets you just as quietly, head tilted, confused, like a puppy who was hearing a new sound for the first time. he sees you glance at his bandaged stomach, eyes traveling up to his bruised neck and notices the way you want to reach out to him but just like all the other times before, you stop yourself. 

“i-uh i brought you some food, and a first aid kit,” your voice still a mere whisper, he nods, guards down, stepping aside as you walk into the room you’ve been in countless times before. 

you placed the bag on his vanity, taking out it’s contents one by one and like before, he sat upon his bed and watched — a bowl that seemed to contain his favorite chicken noodle soup coming into view, it’s aroma hitting his nostrils, a clear tupperware filled with your famous homemade chocolate cookies, one that smells like home, the ones the kids would fight over with, resulting to an extra batch made just for him since he never won. 

he suddenly realizes how hungry he was, not really having the motivation nor the appetite to keep his stomach full. his body responds by lightly growling, a sound he hoped you didn’t hear.

“you should eat,” you break the silence, looking at him through his vanity mirror, “gonna need all your strength back to make sure you can always play hero,” you send him a small smile, he softly chuckles at your words, eyes falling to his sheets which suddenly became interesting, when was the last time he changed his sheets anyway. 

“i also brought you new bandages so you can change that every couple of hours, make sure it doesn’t get infected, with all these monsters around, that’d be the lamest way to go, y’know?,” you joked, trying to lighten the air. he stares at your back, contemplating. regardless of the fact that you were always an arm length away, he missed you.

he wants to be selfish. he wants to be taken care of, to be loved. 

and for the first time in a while, his mind is silent, focusing only on the fact that you are there.

making his way over to you, he wraps his arms around your waist, hands falling on top of each other, sitting tightly on your stomach, his head hiding on the crook of your neck, light puffs of air falling from his lips causing goosebumps to rise all over your body. he feels you stiffen, holding your breath, before relaxing back into his chest, hand gently hovering over his. you stay that way for a while, a minute or two, before you turn around, still in his embrace. slowly your hands make their way to his neck, fingers dancing lightly around his red, bright scar and ever so gently, landing around his cheek, eyes on yours, “are you okay?”

with those three words, the gates open and with it came a river of tears. he shakes his head no and this time, he lets you pull him into your arms as he found solace in your warmth, your perfume that smelled like the sweetest of flowers, making him feel like the sun was on his back as he laid his head on your chest. your fingers immediately run through his silky hair and he feels like a huge weight has just been lifted off his shoulders. 

“thank you for being here,” his voice hoarse from the quiet cries that slipped past his lips, he pulled away, admiring the way the moonlight from his window reflected itself into your eyes, brushing back the strand of hair that dangled in front of them. 

“i-i thought i was gonna lose you,” words that broke the boy’s heart. he can’t even imagine what he would have done if the roles were reversed. “i-i was so scared,” you continue, trying to hold back the tears that were begging to fall. 

“hey,” rough palms making it’s way to your cheeks, softly caressing you, golden eyes shining, “you will never lose me.”

“haven’t i already?,” you cry out. you hated the way you danced around him like he was a stranger. hated the fact that you couldn’t allow yourself to find comfort in him, afraid you would cross the line that the boy remarkably drew out and completely lose access to him. 

“no,” he lightly shakes his head, “ no….hey, look at me,” his finger under your chin, gently pleading for your eyes to find his. “i’m right here, i’m not going anywhere, i’m sorry i’ve been running, i was just…scared,” he admits. 

“scared of what?,” you urge him on, waiting for the answer to the problem you’ve been trying to solve. his hands find their way around yours as he looks down, composing his thoughts. 

“i was scared you would finally realize there will always be someone better, that you’d leave and i’d be all alone again,” he spills his truths. and you can’t fathom how blind you’ve been to not see it. the reason behind nancy appearing in his thoughts. 

“i’m not her, you know?” you say quietly. he nods, “i-i know,” he says guiltily. 

“and i don’t want better, steve…i just want you,” you confess into the night, steve feels all the air rush into his lungs, almost like he was learning how to breathe for the first time. he searches your eyes for any signs of doubt but only saw his own reflection in them. 

“do you want me?” you barely heard your own voice, afraid of the answer. he scoffs, “god, is that even a question?,” you look at him, confusion etched onto the creases of your eyebrows and steve almost wished the bats got him instead of realizing that he has left you doubting his feelings for you.

“of course i want you,” his brown eyes staring deeply into yours, “i can’t get you out of my head, all this time all i wanted was to be near you, to hold your hand, god, y/n i’m in love with you and i prayed, god i prayed to a guy i barely believed in that we would both make it out there alive because i-i can’t imagine my life without you and-,” he’s breathless, telling you everything he has wanted for weeks. word after word stumbling out of his lips as your smile grew with every syllable, until you couldn’t take it anymore. 

you pulled the boy towards you and like magnets, you connected, quickly placing your lips against his before your eyes drowned in your favorite color, the smile forming on his lips evident “i said it before but i’m in love with you too.” 

his eyes soften, finally allowing himself to believe those words, soft lips meets yours once again, battling, making up for all the lost time, hands automatically finding its way up his brown curls like they were meant to always be there, his, around your waist, pulling you as close to him as possible, fearing that if he let you go, you’ll disappear as if it was a dream.

but as you make that little sound, the one that drives him crazy, butterflies erupting in his stomach, he knows that this is better than any dream he could ever imagine. you were here with him. you were in love with him. 

your hands slowly starts making its way down to his body, but before the situation could escalate, he can’t help but break the kiss off, the pain from his wounds still evident, he lets out a sharp moan, “ow,” snapping you back to reality.

“oh my god, i'm so sorry,” you apologize, inspecting his bandages. 

“don’t be,” he reassures you, a light kiss placed upon your lips, “you’re worth it,” he teased, causing your giggles to harmonize, his forehead leaning against yours, a content sigh slipping off his lips. two eyes crinkling, sharing light smiles. 

“as much as i would love to stare into your eyes forever” you break the dream-like state, “i worked really hard on that chicken noodle soup and it would be a shame for it to go to waste,” you laugh and he holds on to the moment as long as possible. 

“now, we wouldn’t want that, plus we have forever to lovingly gaze in each other’s eyes,” he winks, sending you into a fit of laughter. he kisses you one more time before grabbing your favorite t-shirt, his t-shirt, in his drawer and handing it to you.  

an: i really don't post in this acc unless i have something to post lmao. also, currently in my bridgerton phase so don't mind the profile pic, or do mind it? feel free to let me know your favorite bridgerton :)

[razildor]

Smoke - Emmrook Fanfic

Finally got this one done yay! Enjoy Emmrich and Rook share a smoke together, amongst other things.

Huge thanks to @holdingontojupiter for helping look through this and listening to me ramble, and even more for encouraging me when I deleted like 2k worth of the fic to rewrite it lmao. This one was such a pain as it kept running away from me but I got there in the end.

Title: Smoke

Series: Push and Pull

Rating: E

Category: F/M

Words: 4,634

On AO3

Tags and preview under the cut.

Tags: Cock warming, Smoking, Overstimulation, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Praise Kink, Dirty Talk, Riding, Squirting and Vaginal Ejaculation, Rough Sex, Soft Dom Emmrich Volkarin, Brat Tamer Emmrich Volkarin, Brat Rook, Established Relationship, Spanking, Shameless Smut, Dom/sub, Aftercare

The room is peaceful, the fire keeping the air warm enough for the two inhabitants that currently sit in a plush armchair in front of it. A small contented sigh leaves Rook as she snuggles deeper into Emmrich's neck, fingers idly playing with the skull collar pin that keeps the Mage’s high collar closed. The odd noise of papers rustling keeps her from dozing into a light sleep. A hand covered in gold rings reflecting in the firelight ever so slowly trails down the woman's naked spine, making her shiver with delight. The same hand comes to rest on a soft ass cheek, squeezing it slightly, as Emmrich glances over the rim of his glasses down at her.

“You make it difficult to work, my heart.”

Rook huffs into the man’s neck, grinning as she squeezes around his cock that sits snugly inside her. “I’m not to blame for your idea, Emmrich.”

Emmrich inhales sharply, the hand on her ass squeezing tighter. His head tilts back to rest on the chair, taking three deep breaths to keep himself from coming within her at that moment. Both of them are strung tightly with need, having been sat in such a position for a long stretch of time. It’s true that having her sit naked with his cock inside her was his idea, keeping him warm until he was done going over some notes that Vorgoth sent his way. Then once done to give Rook the attention she deserves by fucking her over the nearest surface he could find, be it the desk or against the bookshelves.

Yet he finds himself taking longer than normal. Each shift from Rook, a shameless squeeze here, a small moan into ear there, sends his mind to a screeching halt, losing the spot in the notes, having to re-read the same word over and over again, none of it truly making any sense no matter how hard he tries. His hands are shaking when writing down words he doesn’t even recall, crossing out misspelled words, trying again yet misspelling again, splotches of ink on the paper- He will have to draft up the letter again after this.

“Rook, behave if you please.”

Rook only smirks into his neck without a word. Very likely plotting something in that brilliant mind of hers. Emmrich thinks, before going back to writing something on the paper. 

The pen drops from his hand with a small clatter onto the floor at the feeling of Rook running her tongue slowly up his jaw. His eyes slowly roll back as he tilts his head more for her. He is unaware that deft fingers are unclipping the collar pin, placing it gently on the small table next to them. After pulling the high collar apart to run her lips down his neck, clever fingers once again slowly undo his shirt to stroke down through the dusting of hair on his chest, one hand coming to rest over his beating heart..

“I-I did say I would be done soon, darling.” Emmrich stutters, hand gripping the arm of the chair tightly as he tries to keep himself under control to some degree, his glasses perched on the edge of his nose threatening to slip off it due to sweat.

“Hm, you said that an hour ago.” Rook mutters into his neck before placing a mark there that made him gasp sharply and another gasp from a second mark done by Rook’s mouth.

[paintingwhiteceilings]

❃How EXO acts around their crush❃

a/n: This is 10000% just for my own pleasure. I may have had this in my drafts for weeks... I am totally okay with all the Kyungsoo solo content and EXO ladder dropping. Totally. Super functional, delusional who?

ALSO to any EXO-L that are sharing Chen's LEAKED wedding photos. Please be respectful and either delete them or, at the very least, blur out his wife's face. Chen has gone to great lengths to safeguard her privacy, as she is not famous nor wants to be in the spotlight. Not to mention that there could be crazy sasaengs out there with ill intent. Sharing her info is basically doxing, and it is insane to me how many people shared these posts without much thought. Anyway, I needed to share my frustrations.

Xiumin/Minseok:

✾ He is a lot shyer than the other members; where most of EXO probably feels comfortable enough to act on their crushes, he is a bit more reserved. He wants to test the waters first, ascertaining whether the feeling is mutual. Whenever you are around and are talking to other people, he sits back silently, observing your reactions.

✾ Xiumin is smiling so widely around you that the other members worry that his muscles might start cramping up soon. The moment he sees you, his bubbly personality starts to really shine through, and sometimes you can't help but wonder whether this man truly is 33.

✾ That being said, from the moment that anyone offers Xiumin a couple of drinks, his confidence spikes, and he will start flirting with you. His flirting is still extremely sweet and cute; Xiumin can be incredibly charming when he wants to be.

Suho/Junmyeon

✾ He is such a gentleman around you, trying to make you feel at ease with his kind gestures. Whether it is him pulling back a chair or opening a door for you, he will do anything to make you feel like a princess.

✾ Being one of EXO's proud black card owners, he will casually buy you whatever you need. He keeps repeating that he wants to treat his friends when you try to interject. You can't completely refute it; he does spend a lot of money on the members. Yet, you can't help but feel like his gifts are slightly too expensive and excessive for 'just friends'.

✾ So. Many. Soft. Glances. Suho looks at you like you hung the moon and the stars; you catch him staring at you almost every time you look over. Conversations with him can, therefore, be a tad awkward. He doesn't always register what you are saying; he is so absorbed in watching you that he forgets to listen.

✾ The other members relentlessly tease him for it. If you don't catch on based on Suho's actions, you will definitely catch on due to his members' relentless teasing. Whenever he does anything remotely romantic around you, their faces light up like Christmas came early. The members are not subtle about it whatsoever, thoroughly enjoying putting their leader in a slightly uncomfortable position.

Baekhyun:

✾ The members didn't think it was possible, but Baekhyun somehow became louder. It is as if he wants to draw your attention simply by screaming, as he no longer has any volume control when you are around. Everyone can hear your conversation from across the room, and his laughter becomes borderline obnoxious as it overpowers any other sound.

✾ He is such a tease and a suggestive one at that. Considering he has no problem revealing intimate, not suitable to be aired on national TV, details about the members' bodies, he won't have any trouble suggestively flirting with you. Where Xiumin's pick-up lines are cute, Baekhyun's are far from it. Give this man some holy water, Jesus.

✾ He is so intense with his flirting that it sometimes crosses the line of sexy to parody, coming off as a joke. Baekyhyun has a very flirty personality and isn't above flirting with his friends. Even though he isn't subtle about his crush, he can accidentally fall into the "he flirts with everyone" category, making you question whether he genuinely likes you or is just being friendly.

✾ He really enjoys the chase when it comes to relationships. Thus, it will take him quite some time before he asks you out, simply because he likes the push-and-pull game.

Chanyeol

✾ There is nothing subtle about Mr. Park Chanyeol. The moment he sees someone he wants to date, he is going for it full steam ahead. Puppy Chanyeol is momentarily retired as he makes his way over to you; Chanyeol knows that he is handsome and sexy, and he is ready to show it to you. I hope you weren't interested in anyone else because the moment you return any of his interest, he will be flirting with you like there is no tomorrow.

✾ Internally, he is so excited to be talking to you, and sometimes, you will see glimpses of his cute puppy-like persona, especially once he feels like you are just as interested. Still, the words coming out of this man's mouth, Jesus part two. Please go and ask Baekyhun to pass the holy water.

✾ That being said, he will get embarrassed when the other members are around or slightly bashful when you return his flirting at full force. I don't think Chanyeol is used to anyone sharing his level of intensity, so once you do, he gets a bit flustered. He absolutely loves it, though. Your compliments got him grinning from ear to ear.

D.O./Kyungsoo

✾ Don't get me wrong, I adore this man to a delusional extent, but he is absolutely hopeless when it comes to communicating with his crush. He won't go anywhere near you if he can't help it; he prefers looking at you from afar. He is someone who favours being approached first over approaching you himself. It isn't that he doesn't want to talk to you; he simply isn't the type of person to initiate contact with his crush and tends to stay back when he can tell that someone else is interested, too. 

✾ Even if he finds himself near you, don't expect him to have a full-blown conversation with you. He already tends to be a man of little words, but when it comes to you, he is a man of not a single word. Being around you is enough to make him happy; he doesn't really need to have a deep conversation. 

✾ Nevertheless, his actions make more than up for it. He is such a gentleman, being the definition of preferential treatment. You don't have a chair to sit on? He will quietly offer you his. Your sweater got caught on something? He will silently help you get it out. Although he may not say much to you, he communicates his feelings through his actions. 

Kai/Jongin

✾ If you think Xiumin or Kyungsoo are shy, you have not yet met Kai with a crush. He turns into absolute mush the moment he sees you, giggling and blushing whenever you do as much as breathing. You can't even see him because he has resorted to hiding behind the other members, preferably Sehun or Chanyeol, as they are tall enough to obscure him completely.

✾ If he somehow musters up the courage to talk to you, good luck having it go anywhere because he can barely make it through a sentence without giggling. It is obvious to everyone around him that he is smitten with you; his laughs are awkwardly loud, and his eyes are literally shooting hearts.

✾ The moment he manages to ask you to dance, his shy demeanour completely changes. His movement… His expressions… The way he is smirking at you… Maybe you should go and ask Chanyeol whether there is anything left of the holy water he borrowed from Baekyhun.

Sehun

✾ He has one of two ways of acting around his crush: either he acts super bratty or becomes painfully shy. It depends on whether he has met and talked to you before. But, if you are complete strangers, he would be so quiet, hiding in the furthest corner he can find.

✾ He will pester the members to go over and collect as much information as they can about you. They will do it because he will whine the entire night about it if they don't and, repeat with me, what Sehun wants, Sehun gets. The members try to convince Sehun to go talk to you himself, but Sehun stubbornly refuses. Bro will be playing the Maknae card harder than he ever has in his entire life.

✾ In the end, he will drag Suho with him, trying to 'casually' strike up a conversation with you. The small talk is painful, and in all honesty, Suho, with his dad jokes, isn't helping in the slightest. At the very least, it provides the two of you with a new conversational topic: the teasing of Suho.

masterlist

[tipsyon-tea]

Blind Spot - Deleted Scenes - Ch 6

Chapter 6 was excruciating. It was meant to be a chance for the Damon and the MC to open up more, but no matter what I tried I wasn't happy with it. I ended up with endless scenes of them having meaningful conversations in the rain that didn't fit the development of the relationship. Eventually I gave up and let the MC do as she pleased.

Technically spoilers for the main story, but the final draft ended up completely different, so also not. I'd be interested to know from people who've read the main chapter which version they prefer.

♪⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅♪

The rain crashed against the world around them, falling in rivulets off the roof of the pavilion onto leafy garden beds. It was everywhere. Sheets of water lashed the city in rolling waves, leaving the air with a chill unsuited to the summer. 

“Can I see?” Damon spoke quietly, his body angled towards her as they sat side by side on the stone picnic table. His much longer legs were bent towards her, crowding close enough to feel a phantom warmth, but never quite touching. She frowned and curled her obsidian tipped claws between her knees, trying to push back the itch underneath her nails. The tension like a second skin that wanted to twist and shape her bones into something unrecognisable.

 “You want to know what my hands look like,” she said, frowning as she considered it. It wasn't so much what he thought of her abilities—she didn't care about that. If he was repulsed, that made everything easier. The issue was the feeling that she was giving away her advantage. Losing the element of surprise, as irrational as it was. The nervous, uncertain energy continued to radiate off him and he hadn’t looked away once since joining her under the shelter. Her neck prickled under the scrutiny, hairs raised around her nape.

He's not a threat, she had to remind herself. He wasn't about to attack her, though she was less worried about that, and more about the possibility he’d try to make a move. 

“You don't have to show me,” he said, waving his hands. She tried not to twitch at the sudden movement. “I was just curious-” He calmed down enough to fiddle with the ends of his hair instead, glancing to and from, “-since it seems like something you struggle to control.”

She withheld the urge to ask why he was sitting so close to her if he knew that. “It's more present when I'm nervous,” she said instead, curling her fingers inside the pockets around her waist.

“You're nervous?”

That’s not it. Her mouth formed a thin line as she looked over the railing of the pavilion into the rainswept gardens. Nervous was for things you wanted to do well at. This was closer to wariness. Apprehension. “I guess.”

Her skin crawled under his stare, squirming with uncertainty as to what came next. She staunchly avoided looking at him, so she could only draw from her periphery if he made any sort of movement. 

“I'm… nervous as well,” he said softly. 

That didn't help. If anything, the edge of anxiety that radiated off him made it worse. Taking a breath, she tried to ward off the lingering malignance. “You want to see what my hand looks like,” she reiterated, not convinced it was a good idea. He'd been the one to ask though, and she didn't see why she should say no. She should show at least a token of trust. 

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she withdrew the hand closest to him. Turning it over to show him the claws seeped in deep purple. He paused, breath caught in his throat as he stared. Reaching out only to hesitate, and she saw his eyes flicker to her for guidance. Perhaps trying to read the frown on her face. 

“I think they're beautiful,” he said quietly. Like he knew the ice was liable to crack. 

Her fingers twitched, lip curling back, but his hands still hovered. Inches from clasping her own. She managed to keep the change restrained, fingers bleeding darker in colour, but it barely scratched the surface of their actual form. She pressed her lips shut to hide the sharpening teeth.

Nothing about this was pretty, unless he was deluded. Everything was a snarling mix of uncertainty and conflicting instincts, no peace brought by the rain to sooth her. There was no point taking the first step if she despised how it had to end-

He seemed to decide she was okay with it, and both his palms wrapped around the sides of her claws to cradle her hand. They were warm and soft. Shorter than hers—how he didn't fear her she didn't know—but gentle. His thumbs brushed soothingly along the sides, and she had to force the deep breaths through her teeth.

This couldn't be all he wanted.

“I-Is, uhm, is it always this close to the surface?” he spoke again, stumbling more than she expected. She glanced up to see why and actually took in his expression—even through the monochrome shadow of the clouds, she could see the nervous flush of his cheeks. He could be sick or upset or infatuated for all she knew of an expression like that. The idea he could look at her—claws out like she was ready to attack him—and be enamoured seemed the most absurd. 

“It’s more present when I'm nervous,” she said, voice rough. True of most Huevari like her. It was a sign any sane person would take as meaning ‘back off’, but he either had no clue of the threat or chose to ignore it, giving her hand a soft squeeze.

”You don't have to be nervous,” he said, sounding twice as uncertain as she felt. He traced small circles against her palm, which made the hair at the back of her neck stand on end. “I like you and… I want you to know that something like this would never change that.” 

Not the problem- She tried not to bristle, reminding herself the point was to make it work, not send him conflicting messages. The sentiment behind it was nice. Sweet. Probably romantic in any other scenario—except she didn't care what he thought of it. Her concern was everything to do with how far he would push her. 

“What do you mean by ‘like’?”

“Huh-?” He glanced up, reddening under the scrutiny. “C-can you explain that a bit more?” 

“Like, in what… sense.” She frowned, struggling to put the thing that had evaded her this whole time into words. “Whether you meant my personality. Or the idea of dating. Or if you meant you liked how I looked, or a casual sort of thing…” 

Her head spun with thoughts of what his intentions were. What he wanted out of this if she said yes. How he'd feel when he found she had nothing but issues to offer. She probably imagined the way his grip tightened around her palm. 

“I… don't mind answering, but-” Looking up, she was in fact correct. His shadowed eyes seemed darker than usual, gazing down at her with a gravity that seemed more appropriate for the issue he’d been ignoring. “Please, can you just-” He struggled for what to say, holding her hand tighter between his own. “Tell me what it is you're thinking first? Anything? I want to know if I'm doing this right.”

Her mouth opened, then shut again as she tried to pin down anything that would actually make sense. “Give me a moment,” she said, taking a deep breath in. Out of interest, she tugged her hand back, wondering if he’d let go. His grip only tightened, far more noticeably than it had before. Making it clear he was keeping it in his grasp. 

She found she didn't mind. The rain drummed against the tiles of the pavilion, filling the silence with the patter of water against leafy fronds. She could sense his agitation growing as her non-response stretched, but he remained dutifully silent. Which was arguably worse than if he interrupted her. 

“I guess, I…” She spoke, simply to ease herself into it. His thumbs pressed into her palm to hold it in place, and she let her fingers curl over, the sharpened edge of her nails grazing against his much softer flesh. “I have a lot of thoughts. Too many. They keep assassinating each other over which one gets to go first.”

“Take your time,” he said softly, and her tentative grin fell as he ignored her attempt at injecting some humour. Her gaze flickered from their hands to the fabric covering his chest, wondering how many shapes would be in one diagonal row across his shirt, and what was wrong with her to take this long over a single question. 

“You asked what I’m thinking. Right.” She needed to take a breath to recover her thoughts, eyes shifting several different places as she turned the words over in her mouth. “I just- I guess I don’t know what you want out of this. What it is you like about me, your idea of dating. If you just liked how I looked, or if this is a more casual sort of thing…” 

She risked looking up to see his expression, surprised when she saw his frown had disappeared completely. He stared down at his lap with wide eyes instead, taking a moment to digest his own thoughts. 

“I see… I suppose you're right. I wasn't very clear.” He glanced up at her, this time with a softer smile. Moving slowly, he tugged her hand closer towards him. 

She stiffened, her other claws scraping grooves in the stone table when he brought her captured hand up to his face, staring at her over the top of her serrated fingers. 

“I like everything about you,” he said, his breath warm against her skin as his eyes creased up with the smile their hands hid. “The more I discover, the more I like. And as for dating…” He looked bashful for a moment, glancing away. “It’s uhm, definitely not casual. What I want is the opposite of that.”

Vague, again. 

But if he was looking for something serious, that was a start at least. She felt her stomach was all twisted in knots with the turn their conversation had taken. Tense in a way that wasn't entirely bad, but it didn't help her with fighting back the claws on her fingers. 

“Right,” she said. He looked at her with wide, imploring eyes as he tightened his grip around her hand, like his whole world would fall apart depending on what she said next. “I guess, the ‘opposite of casual’ fits pretty well for me too.” 

She managed a strained laugh, and this time he laughed along, the sound of it soft against the lessening rain. She glanced out across the gardens to see the onslaught had eased to a steady patter.

♪⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅♪

[h2llish]

hi, if you've seen or read previous posts you may have expected this, but if not, let me explain.

i will be leaving this account. i love writing but i'm afraid i'm losing my love for writing because of the pressure of this account; i no longer love writing for most of the fandoms i was writing for and so i'm overwhelmed. i was afraid of disappointing you guys, especially so many waiting for the requests in my drafts, but i can't finish them when i don't enjoy it anymore.

i'm not leaving tumblr, i intend on moving to a new account, and continuing to write there. i will be following all my mutuals there as well, so guys i promise i'm still here. i wanted to do a reset, but i don't see how that could be possible with this account, so a new account seemed like a good idea. you can find my new account below the cut.

i've tried to address any questions you guys might have below so read up if you want to.

WHAT'S YOUR NEW ACCOUNT?

you can find me at @xryptik

WILL YOU BE DEACTIVIATING THIS ACCOUNT?

no, i intend on keeping this account up. you can still access all my writing, don't worry.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR EVENT(S)?

i created the ghibli event to try and get back into the motion and swing of writing for the fandoms i no longer enjoyed. i was worried i was losing my love for writing at the time, but that wasn't the case. i just didn't enjoy writing for most of the fandoms i was in as much as i did. i will no longer be continuing the ghibli event, i won't delete, simply because there were too many people who have reblogged, but it will be discontinued, including the 200 follower event.

maybe i will finish those drafts and move them to my new account in the future if i ever get back the motivation to do so, but as of right now, i have no intentions to do and am unsure if i ever will. sorry to so many people who requested or looked forward to those fics, but i have to put myself first. i want to continue loving writing.

if you have any questions, please feel free to ask. i won't be logging out of this account completely for a week, so within that time, ask what you need to.

back to original pinned

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

my re-review(?)/opinion rewrite of bsky now that it's been a lil while since i got on it

basically: still has a long way to go b4 i like it :l

(edit - some functions i complained abt not having are slowly being changed ie: the video length is now 3mins instead of the original 60secs)

for negatives:

still missing basic twitter features like gif support n bookmarks (unless you do some work arounds), saving drafts, privs, n vids longer than 60 seconds.

blocking someone does not remove them from your follower count n you cannot softblock or remove them yourself either! why!!

most of the artists i follow on twitter barely use or straight up don't use bsky even if they set up accts.

staff there continues to suck. not banning jesse singal despite him breaking tos + they're still censoring posts of ppl in need of donations by slapping vague no context "content warnings" on them. recently i heard they're mass deleting those accts as well. someone got mass reported for doing daily mutual aid threads too.

you can get your posts auto hit w a content warning if anything that a bot can interpret as sexual is in there (it's not consistent either???)

i never use blocklists anymore bc malicious n false lists made for harassing ppl keep popping up, some of which i've been added to before. i also keep getting added to "fandom fascists" n "bad vibes" ones right next to terfs n rightwingers bc pr*sh*ppers don't like me. you technically can just never check what lists you're on so you don't have to know, but for me personally, not knowing adds a whole can of paranoia bc i'm aware other ppl still praise + use these lists...

^ blocks are public which can lead to the people you block finding out n adding you to bad faith lists out of spite too. plus there's list spam (adding the same person to tons of them at once)

there's follow farmers: ppl/bots who spam follow thousands to 100k+ random users just to get them to follow back (bc theres also a weird thing where some ppl just instantly follow back everyone no matter what - n call u weird for not doing the same thing).

fake accts (not sex bots) follow often just in general; i got spam followed by "sa offender awareness" accts once.

lots of bsky users constantly complain abt having to see politics. any kind of world news at all. which ig it has in common w tumblr

^ my drawing of harry got autoflagged as sexually suggestive; you can see the caption/text but the image is completely hidden until you click 'show'.

*later edit: i eventually found out that "sexually suggestive (cartoon)" is on a separate page from "sexually suggestive" so i could change how the post appears to me; making part of what i said b4 wrong... but then it leads to 2 different problems (other than being annoying):

you currently can't use the (cartoon) label yourself - only 4 labels are available to users rn n they don't include the ones only in advanced settings. meaning you can still get forcefully labeled by the mod bot, which could make ppl think you were "too lazy" to do it yourself n then block you

having your moderation settings on "show" instead of "warn" will make the labels on ppl's posts entirely invisible to you all together. the only reason that i could still see the ones on my self-labeled posts w "show" was bc they were my own ig? which can lead to ppl seeing you unknowingly rting unlabeled posts n blocking you

^ a whole profile that has been flagged with just "content warning". entire posts are completely hidden. this was someone asking for donations

for remaining positives:

hashtags work; links don't suppress

you can get rid of the discover tab

you can add warning labels to your posts (though there's not enough options)

muting words is still pretty nice

ig it'll cut down your socmed time?

some ppl like the fact that there's no algo

there's no elon or grok

all in all i feel like ppl who praise this site a lot just miss twitter but don't wanna stay there. which is totally fair? though some of them will call anyone who still has twitter a n*zi now. also, i think more users who crosspost between both sites would be willing to make a complete move if bsky had privs

its a lil funny that i've been facing way more bullying attempts on bsky than twit oh well

[copperbadge]

What do you mean by digital cleaning?

It's something I've been working on more this year because I had a bit more travel than usual so couldn't do actual home cleaning, but I always take a couple of days in the Month Of Cleaning where I'm focused on my digital life. It's good to make your physical home a comfortable place for yourself, but it's also good to recognize that we have "digital" homes that need attention. And often this is at least less physically demanding, so it's good to keep it in your back pocket for days when you're mentally okay but physically too tired or sore to do more of that kind of work.

In the shortest possible terms, digital cleaning is just making sure that your phone, computer, socials, and other digital "presences" are organized in a way that you find helpful, and that you take a moment to either answer those messages you've been putting off or give yourself amnesty on doing so.

This tends to make a lot of people extremely anxious in a way ordinary physical space cleaning doesn't, so I'm going to put the rest of it behind a cut...

So when I say digital cleaning, I refer to stuff like going through my likes on Tumblr and clearing them out, going through my drafts and turning them into queued posts, answering my asks. I spend time in my email inboxes, either responding to messages or removing them. I am not an "inbox zero" kind of guy, but I like to keep the read-but-not-answered messages to a minimum, and towards the end of the year that usually means a clear-out and amnesty. I clean my Google Drive -- delete old files I uploaded for others, move documents I'm no longer using into an archive, move documents I want to work on into a central work folder. I go through my catch-all folder on my hard drive and organize it; I sort through the year's photos and organize those, partly to archive them and partly because I make a scrapbook from them each year. I don't usually have a ton of tabs open but often have more than I'd like, so I go through them all and either read, bookmark, or get rid of them.

I look in my phone's file tree to make sure I delete files I don't need (mostly menu downloads, Restaurants Stop Making Your Menus PDFs Challenge 2K24) and I sometimes go through each app on my phone, make sure I still use it, and make sure it's set how I want it. If this sounds like a nightmare, bear in mind that I very rarely put apps on my phone to start with -- I think my mother has more apps open at any given time than I have apps on my phone ever.

Everywhere I clean, I look for files named things like "notes" or "deal with" or "random" and move them all into one place so that whatever is in them, I can sort through it and make sure it goes somewhere permanent. Logins go in the login/password spreadsheet I keep, addresses go into my contacts, story notes go into a "fiction scraps" file, random thoughts either get moved into a journal file or put into drafts to become Tumblr posts, etc.

If this sounds like I might have some kind of compulsion disorder, I get that; when I explain my digital hygiene systems a lot of people look at me like I'm spouting a mad but harmless conspiracy theory. But it's something I used to have to do periodically even before I created National Clean Your Home Month, because otherwise I could never find anything, and everything was just...harder. As I once told a boss who admired my organizational skills, "It was this or endless chaos."

Putting addresses into my contacts list means I always know that the addresses I have for my friends are up to date. Putting logins into a spreadsheet means that five minutes spent now will not result in five weeks of procrastination later because I can't find the login and can't do anything else until I do that. Going through my email and archiving old conversations means not only can I find them easily when needed, I don't have to look at them the rest of the time. Sometimes I even go through my various wish lists and remove old/purchased items, or clear out all my "save for later" carts.

There's no doubt this is stressful, but like every part of NaClYoHo, it's broken down into smaller tasks; I don't have to look at my computer and organize everything on it all in one day. I can answer a few asks, then sort photos (something I find very soothing up until the moment I Don't), then read and delete some emails, then I'm done for the day. I can spread "answer or file all your work emails" out over a couple of days. I can maybe empty out my Likes but just turn the ones I actually want to reblog into drafts for now and deal with them later in the "drafts" phase of cleaning. And if I don't manage to empty out my inboxes, at least they're emptier than they were.

I'm struggling this morning with having put a bunch of physical cleaning on the to-do list but not feeling physically up for it, so I did what I felt capable of doing (measuring cabinets for new shelf liners mainly) and later today I might sit down and start building this year's photobook. Or not -- I have to code Radio Free Monday, sort out a prescription and possibly go pick it up, plus a very full day of work and a couple of afternoon appointments I can't shirk, so today may simply be a "get through the day" kind of day. That's okay too; some days the spirit is willing but the schedule is full.

[sskybooks]

Day 13

One of you, one of my many wonderful supporters, asked what my purpose was for writing my novel. I’d love to give a shoutout to whoever commented this (I can’t seem to find you anywhere! Your comment has been eaten alive by my feed). I’ve spent the last 30 minutes looking for you… So either the comment was deleted, or I’m insane. (The last one is already true.) Anyway, since I can’t remember who you are, if you’d be so kind as to speak up, I can properly express my gratitude. That would be much appreciated! Now, onto your question…

Why did I start writing my novel? Note from future me: I did not mean for things to get this dark, but they did. So heads up.

When I started writing this, I was not in the best place—not mentally, not physically. (Imagine living in a three-room house with 10 people plus food storage—not fun.) But my biggest struggle was the mental part.

I craved love from my parents. I wanted them to notice: Hey, I’m in a bad place. Please help me. I’m drowning. But they were struggling—hard—with their own issues. Looking back, it was selfish of me to want more when they were dealing with so much.

My dad wasn’t getting any sleep. An average night for him was 2–3 hours of sleep, and this went on for more than two years. He was constantly stressed and physically worked himself to exhaustion.

Meanwhile, my mom had to protect us from my dad’s anger, keep all eight of us in check, and somehow manage our acre and garden. (For those who don’t know, a garden that size is massive—we lived off that thing.)

I kept everything to myself back then, trying to wear the mask of a happy, positive girl. Sometimes, though, the feelings slipped out. My mother would try to be there for me, but she was mentally exhausted—and had been for at least two years, if not longer. My pain was dragging her down, adding a burden she couldn’t carry.

I dove deep into stories: books, comics, anything I could get my hands on. Eventually, though, we stopped going to the library because we lived too far away. So I turned to the internet. I found webtoons and read everything I could find there. It wasn’t a healthy relationship—me and my computer. I’d stay up until six in the morning just reading, only going to bed when my dad woke up to go to work.

When my mom found out, she turned off all my access to the internet. It wasn’t just because I was misusing it; it was because I was keeping secrets. I was acting shady. I couldn’t function without spending hours at a time on a device. I wasn’t participating in family life. I was draining them, a dead weight, at a time when my family needed me most. My mom was the only one keeping us all afloat.

I’m sorry, Mom.

When I began writing my story, there wasn’t some grand spark. No fire burned in me as I thought about it. Honestly, I felt nothing.

The only reason I started at all was because I saw how much I was hurting my family. I saw the slump I had put them in. I saw their pain—the pain I helped cause—and I decided I needed to do something with my life instead of just moping. I needed to decide for myself what I wanted to do.

So, I began writing. At first, it was just an idea. That first draft is completely unrecognizable compared to what I have now.

And honestly? For something that started out as a half-hearted attempt, it’s really taking shape. I love it now. I feel that fire, that spark, and I cherish it.

So, what inspired you to write?

Also a note from future me: this is heavily unedited so it's missing some details, and may have a lot of flaws.

[unluckycryptid]

So two new updates regarding the Rise of Red!Miraculous Ladybug AU fic

-

If you haven't seen it yet, I posted Ch 5 of The Wonderous Adventures of Ladybug and Chat Noire! Check it out below.

Summary:

“My Lady… please,” Chat Noire begged. The heroine in front of her stopped walking but stayed facing forward, her face obscured from Chat Noire’s line of sight. But from where she stood, she could see as Ladybug shook her head, her partner’s hands clenching and unclenching at her sides. “Chat Noire, I- I can’t,” said Ladybug, her voice cracking ever so slightly that Chat Noire would have missed it if it weren’t for her hearing. Before Chat Noire could push any further, Ladybug grabbed her yoyo and swung off, her message clear: don’t follow me.

I also wrote a companion piece to the chapter and posted it separately as a two-shot! Check it:

Summary:

Companion piece to Ch 5 of The Miraculous Adventures of Ladybug and Chat Noire explaining what happened to Red in her encounter with Chat Blanc, and how it all came to be. Ch 1 - The Encounter (Version 2.0) Ch 2 - The Incident

~

Check out my Chapter Notes for all three chapters below!

Warning: Spoilers

Author's Note Before I put up the Deleted Scenes:

So, I originally posted everything on pretty late on Oct 31st in order to get it all in for Whumptober. I woke up the next morning and read it before I went to work and then decided that I hated it in a way that the original ending was cornering me and would have had me deviate from my overall plan for the main story. I decided, alright, I'm just going to delete the whole two-shot and spend some time fixing it to better align with to the main story's future and motivations.

For those of you wondering, what could I possibly have written to cause me to delete the first version? -> I had Red kill off Chat Blanc of the alternate timeline.

It was great for Whumptober, but would require dozen more chapters of main timeline!Red overcoming that trauma which... I only have 12-13 chapters planned for this story and we're already on Ch 5. Plus, I wanna do a reveal and post-reveal stuff within those 12-13 chapters so... yeah I'm already running out of time with that.

But overall, the whole writing process was pretty rough, ngl. In context, I wrote three chapters in the time it would take me to write one chapter, and each of the three chapters were fairly lengthy for me. And I had to make sure all 3 chapters had to intertwine together.

I always knew I was going to have the Aftermath chapter in the main story. As for the Encounter and Incident chapters, it was originally going to be all one chapter, but it got wayyyy too long for my taste so I ended up splitting it into two separate chapters and then posting it as a two-shot.

I also had to make sure that each of the chapters' motivations flowed into each other. It was kind of difficult since I wrote Aftermath first, so I had to backtrack and figure out what scenario would those memories come into play during the Encounter chapter. Incident also had a bunch of problems considering how the first draft of it that I wrote, while good, didn't follow the motivation for either Aftermath or Encounter, so I had to keep rewriting it until it all worked.

And like I said, I wrote the last scenes of Encounter the day I posted it and then I posted it... bruh never doing that again. I definitely should have sat on it a little longer but rewriting it with a bit more time makes me more confident in it as a chapter now.

I'll post the deleted scenes across the three chapters below. Most of them are going to come from The Chat Blanc Incident. I'll post the Version 1.0 on a separate post since this will get too long.

Read The Encounter Version 1.0 Here

-

Deleted Scene 1 - The Encounter - First Meeting

“Chat Noire, what happened here? What happened to you?” Red asked. 

The girl in white ignored her question in favor of stepping into Red’s personal space, intrigue in her gaze. Before Red could step back and ask about the sudden proximity, the other girl reached out and cupped a hand around Red’s cheek. Red watched as the white clawed hand softly grazed her cheek, the other girl pulling her hand back as soon as it made contact, a look of wonder and disbelief dawning on the girl’s face. 

“So you’re not just one of my ghosts haunting me,” the girl in white chuckled in what sounded like relief. 

Red only looked at her behavior in bewilderment before the girl stopped and switched her tone to an interrogatory one, “You’re not supposed to be here. How are you here?”

Red hesitated. Despite the fact that her partner was someone she would trust with her life, just one look in the other girl’s eyes told Red that she shouldn’t say anything about Bunnyx and his portals in time. 

“It doesn’t matter how I’m here. I just need to know what happened, Chat Noire, both to you and to Auradon,” said Red, “I want to help.”

The girl narrowed her eyes at the red and black superhero. “You’re not My Lady, are you,” she stated, “Or else you would remember what happened.” The bitterness in the girl’s tone sent chills down Red’s spine. 

“Chat Noire…”

“Please, it’s Chat Blanc now,” the girl in white—Chat Blanc—corrected.

-

Deleted Scene 2 - The Incident - First Betrayal

“Red, how could you?” the heartbroken voice of Chloe asked, tears streaming down her cheeks as a pair of Card soldiers held her down on her knees. 

“No, Chloe don’t listen to her. Please believe me, I didn’t know anything,” Red begged, dropping down to her own knees in front of the blue haired princess. She reached out to cradle her girlfriend’s face, but the girl flinched as far away as she could given her restrictions from Red’s touch.

“Oh, come now, daughter, you needn’t keep acting. Your plan worked as you said it would. Though it was a bit convoluted if you asked me,” said Queen Reina Hearts of Wonderland as she inspected her nails with disinterest from her throne on the stage. 

All around them, the aftermath of chaos remained. Family Day had come around and Red’s mom had made an unexpected appearance. Although Red had been taken aback by her mother’s unannounced presence, she was even less prepared for the moment her mother had interrupted the Principal’s Family Day Speech by tossing a deck of magical cards in their air, infecting the unfortunate few that were touched by them, some being the Card soldiers they had previously faced, thus revealing her identity as the Card Queen. 

Before Red or Chloe could even think about transforming into their alter egos, the Card soldiers had grabbed Chloe’s mother and held her hostage, forcing the two heroes to surrender. Once it was clear that neither Red nor Chloe would fight back, the Card soldiers surrounded the blue haired princess along with the rest of the civilians not infected by the cards of the Card Queen. However, they left Red un-surrounded as the Queen of Wonderland marched up to the stage, declaring loudly at how proud she was of her daughter. 

“What plan?” Chloe demanded in a low growl, betrayal laced her in gaze. 

Before Red could answer, Reina spoke for her, “The one to acquire your miraculous, of course.” She said as if it were an obvious fact. 

“No! Chloe-”

“And imagine to my surprise when she suggested that we could also get vengeance on dear Cindy over here at the same time,” continued the Queen of Wonderland as though Red had never spoken. 

“Reina, you let my daughter go right now. Your quarrel is with me,” Chloe’s mom—Queen Cindy—urged from her spot, also in the same position as Chloe though she had been taken off to the side of the stage. 

Reina glared in her direction and waved a hand. At the motion, the General Jack of Diamonds, who had been holding Cindy down, struck her in the face. In response, Chloe screamed and thrashed uselessly under the grip of the Card soldiers holding her down. Red attempted to run to Chloe’s mom’s aid, but was stopped by the Jabberwocky landing in front of her.

The Queen of Wonderland rolled her eyes and continued addressing Chloe, “She revealed her identity to me as soon as she got her miraculous, telling me that she had a plan to make me proud. A plan that would allow Wonderland to take control over all of Auradon.”

“That’s not true!” Red yelled desperately. She was abruptly cut off by the feeling of something covering her mouth and pinning her arms down to her sides, but when she attempted to turn to see her assailant, her eyes met empty air. Nonetheless, the force persisted and she could feel breathing behind her. Red’s eyes widened. It was the Cheshire Cat. She realized in horror that to everyone else, it looked like she was just idly standing by, watching the whole thing.

“I will admit, it took me by surprise that she was admitting to being the pesky, newly debuted ladybug hero that had foiled my plan as the Card Queen, but after I revealed such the fact, she asked me to keep playing the role for her plan to work,” the Queen of Hearts gloated falsely, “I agreed, of course. I trust my daughter completely. She had finally told me it was time to make our move once she revealed that she finally had your complete trust, going as far as to pursuing a relationship with you to do so.”

Red tried her best to fight the grip of the Cheshire Cat on her but it was no use. Her mother decided at that moment to descend from the stage and stand directly in front of a helpless Chloe who had no other choice but to look at her.

The Queen sneered as she crouched in front of the blue haired princess, “Did you really believe that my daughter could ever love someone like you? The daughter of the commoner queen? The spare heir? The mere sidekick of your little duo?” 

The Queen reached out and grabbed Chloe’s chin, satisfied at the tears streaming down the girl’s cheek. 

“You and your filthy mother will get what you deserve, thinking you had a chance to stand with the rest of us,” she sneered before her expression changed to a one of consideration, “Though perhaps not all is lost with you. Perhaps you can be deserving of my daughter’s love after all.”

“What do you want from me?” Chloe spat. 

Reina grinned wickedly, “Call upon your transformation and let me make you one of my Card soldiers,” before Chloe could voice a rejection, the Queen turned her head towards the direction of her mom’s captivity, “or else.”

She released her hold on Chloe’s face and stepped back, waiting for the girl’s next move. Naturally, Chloe’s eyes wandered to Red’s looking for any sort of guidance. Red tried her best to shake her head no but the Cheshire Cat puppeted her head to make it look like she nodded in approval instead.

Without any more options, Chloe gave in.

“Plagg, transform me.”

The transformation washed over the blue haired girl in front of the whole school to see. Chat Noire soon found that the hold of the Card soldiers had been released and that she was free to stand up. She did so slowly, keeping her gaze fixed on the Queen of Wonderland who only smirked as she took out a card from her deck.

Red could only watch in horror as her mother approached her girlfriend and placed the magical card on the silver bell that hung around the girl’s neck. The bell blackened and the black cat heroine was swallowed up by the card’s magic. A second later, the magic dissipated and Red’s stomach dropped.

Kneeling on the ground to her mother was her girlfriend dressed in all white.

“Rise, Chat Blanc,” her mother commanded and the girl stood up immediately. Red’s blood ran cold. There was no trace of her partner—her girlfriend—in there. Her mother continued, “I have given you the power of infinite destruction, and with it you will lay waste to this despicable world… starting with her.”

Reina pointed a finger in the direction of Chloe’s mom. 

No. She couldn’t let her do this. She couldn’t let Chloe kill her own mom. Red struggled against the Cheshire Card Card with all she had, managing to free the hand covering her mouth, but that was enough.

“Tikki! Transform me.”

As soon as she felt the transformation wash over her, she used her superstrength to break free from the Card’s clutches and fight her way over to Chloe’s mom. She dodged, weaved, and kicked the Cards holding down Chloe’s mom to her best ability, but even with her super abilities, she was quickly overwhelmed by the number of Card soldiers her own mother had on hand. 

Slowly, Chat Blanc made her way in front of her mother, regarding the woman as though she were a mere speck of dust. Chat Blanc raised her hand and wordlessly called upon a cataclysm, the power manifesting in a white color just like its holder.

“Please, Chloe don’t do this!” Red cried out from under the dozens of Card soldiers holding her down, “Please, you can fight this!”

“Hush now, daughter, she can’t fight this.”

-

Deleted Scene 3 - The Incident - Chat Blanc's fury

The girl’s cold gaze turned on her now, “You know, Red. You were right. My death would be worthless. But everyone else’s…”

“Don’t do this, Chloe,” Red begged as she started backing away in fear, “I-I’ll stop you.”

Chat Blanc walked toward her with her hand raised above her head. She summoned another cataclysm and to Red’s horror, it kept growing and growing. ‘Infinite destruction’, her mother had said. There was no fighting this, even as Ladybug. 

Chat Blanc seemed to know this, too. 

“I’d like to see you try, Princess.” 

And then the world went white.

[hischierlovebot]

11, 12 and 17 for the fic writer asks <3

Hello my friend <333

fic writer asks

11. a WIP you’d like to finish someday

Oh there are so many. Right now, that's fake hanahaki, although that one should be getting finished soonish, because I'm 30k deep already and we will come out victorious. other fics that have been on the backburner for a while now are the auswilly fake dating, and the werewolves with no werewolves fic, which has been haunting me for around 2 years? And I hope I can get to those this year!

12. a trope you’re really into right now

Well I recently finished my leverage rewatch so I'm very into heists and cons but tbf most of my free time (dead hours at work) is spent fighting fake hanahaki so there hasn't been that much reading from me! I am, however, itching for the kind of fic that you finish and leaves you feeling hollow because of how good it was so if you have any recs, I'll take them <33

17. talk about your writing and editing process

Man this will be very long and also maybe a bit confusing. I'll post under the cut.

The most important part to understand about my process is that there's no editing. There is a final revision, where I go over the text to polish it and catch stray typos, but I don't really write in drafts: what you get posted to ao3 is what the fic has looked like, most of the time.

So, my process goes a little like this: I get an idea, I write down the scene that comes to mind (most of the times with the longer fics, we're not talking about a fleshed out idea, just a scene that I build the rest of the story around. In soulmates, for example, my goal was to tackle my issues with the concept as a whole, and in fake hanahaki, there's a scene that encapsulates this very well, but that I still can't share for obvious reasons), and then the rest of the story is built around it.

If it's a long fic, or a more complex one, say soulmates or hanahaki, to name hrpf examples, then I need to figure out the plot before I write it. It's something that only really happens with these fics because I can't write if I'm not satisfied with what I've written before.

I think of it as building blocks. I need to have a solid foundation to build on, because if it's wobbly, then I keep worrying it's going to bring down the rest of the structure, and there's nothing I hate more than spending hours on a thing, only for it to be absolutely pointless. Sometimes I get stuck with the base and I can't continue until i figure it out, but I can focus on other stuff, that helps me see the whole picture a little clearer. It's why I tend to write out of order, and, afterwards, I take all the pieces and line them up until they make sense. Currently, fake hanahaki is 60 pages long, and there's only like 45% in order. The rest are disconnected scenes that would probably confuse the fuck out of a reader, and that I have to line up to figure out what's still missing.

Once that's done, then the fic is pretty much done. Because I can't write if I'm not satisfied with the build up of a scene, I've gone over them a bunch of times, so there's no need for further rewrites. They were done as the scene was written. What it needs is a final revision to catch any typos, and then it's ready to go out.

If you're wondering, yes, this means that I rarely if at all use beta readers, also because I worry about annoying them with how much I write and switch wips and fandoms lol there are no deleted scenes either because if they weren't going to make it then they never got written and if they were on the page then I just have to figure out where they go. Is this method of mine the most efficient? Probably not, but it's what works with me and I don't think my works turn out that bad so I'm going to stick with it.

And I think that was it lol sorry for how lengthy this was, and let me know if there's anything that wasn't clear!

[shark-myths]

hi!!!! ive probably sent an ask like this before but how do you keep up the motivation to finish a longer fic? whenever i start writing a fic i know will be long i end up abandoning it or getting bored or not knowing how to continue / end it. the few multichaptered fics ive posted are incomplete and i dont know when they’ll be finished. i have a couple of longer fics in drafts but it just feels like such a challenge to finish them. how do you do it?

ooh i love this question! i am proud of being a finisher--in all my years of writing fic (it's been... many), i have only ever once started posting something i didn't finish. i generally wait until i'm really confident i can finish a fic before i begin posting it. sometimes, as you may have experience in real time with Rosewood Lane, there is a looooong time between updates... but i usually like to keep an update schedule. giving myself deadlines works really well to motivate me and keep myself organized! i also tend to be a daily writer, i'm happiest when i have a little time to sit down every morning and work on a project, whether that's rereading, editing, or writing deeper into the story. i actually am usually trying to make my fics shorter than they end up, but i feel like most stories have their shape already and know how long they need to be to do what i want them to, and i'm merely hanging on. i would love to get better at writing short pieces. having cheerleaders and readers helps too! i find it so exciting to share updates with everyone.

when a story gets boring--and this does happen to me--i try to jump around and write any shred of it i can find that feels interesting, or i go back to the last part that felt interesting and either change or entirely scrap what comes after it that went flat for me. i also avoid any type of real outlining or plotting (sometimes this is pretty obvious in my finished product, oops) because once i know everything that's going to happen, the why and how and where of a story's arc, i lose interest in writing it. i'm in it for the surprise and whatever's coming around the bend! if i have it all planned out, there feels to be very little point in actually writing it--instead it starts to feel like a dreaded task to me. work, not writing.

i also sometimes leave stories alone for a long time. i did this with Footnote, and i did it with Dirty Enough to Love, and i did it with my 1950s au when it was too much GENDER and REALITY for me to deal with. these don't see the light of day while they're on the back burner; the pressure to post can turn right into avoidance and dislike of a project for me, which is why i am so slow to start posting a story even when a significant portion is already written.

so i guess, writing tips from a shark, tl;dr version:

give yourself a schedule for writing and posting that feels organized and manageable

don't rush to start posting, this can turn an unfinished story into a task you want to avoid

find someone you can share your excitement with, whether they're in the fandom or not, and talk about your ideas and intentions with them

trust the length a story wants to be

also, trust yourself about the length of story you interested in writing

if it's boring, try telling it differently. jump ahead, jump back, delete the scene that got you stuck, change something, drop part of the narrative, skip some time or detail

don't be afraid to abandon something and come back to it months or years later

create more mystery and unknowns in the story to keep yourself interested. hide things from yourself! throw wrenches in your best-laid plans! let your characters completely sabotage you! obscure the path ahead so you are interested by the task of finding it again.

whatever you do, just keep writing. you will have a lifelong relationship to the craft and it will change over time, like our bodies, like the seasons. be where the joy is right now and don't get too worried about where you want to be later.

thank you for the thoughtful question! happy writing 💜

[m--rtyr]

Unsure if you done this, but what’s your lore for Menphia?

i did get an ask about it but i lost it idk if it's just been tumblr-deleted or i have it in drafts somewhere.

Basically, Athena wasn't born divine. She earned it. Similarly to how Kul'Zak took the godliness of another.

She was a knight in Tu'La, living as a man in order to keep her station. Her kindom lay deep between mountains, where sun could never reach it, so one day she climbed the highest mountain and stole a ray of sun, intent on taking it back down to her people. However, by the time she reached the kingdom, the ray was no longer in her hands, the only evidence of it the burns running up her arms and across her chest from holding it. But, as she sat in the kingdom's central square, the sun rose above the kingdom, raining down light.

Whilst the sunray inside of her imbued her with enough godly ability, she is always strongest in the sun, or after a long day of sunbathing. Fire can give her some energy too, but the first time she ever felt truly... empowered was when she stood by as a travelling healer used magic in front of her, the light more powerful than anything. That's how she met Irena.

Menphia was still posing as a dude around this time, in part because it was easier than rocking around Tu'La as a butch. But she did her hand at dressing pretty for Irena, who promptly shut it down and told her she rathered menphia how she wanted to be. Because gays flirting OH MY GOD.

She eventually just began living her truth, she even became a priestess of a temple of the sun. Because where better to be than worshipping the very thing that gave her the power she has?

Priestess doesn't mean she laid down and lived a life of luxury, the priestesses were frequently bounty hunters and warriors. It was a very 'keeping peace in the name of our religion' type thing, Menphia racked up COIN working there, and she spent it violating the celibacy vow she took with every pretty woman who could be paid for that sort of thing.

When her and Irena reunited, she was kind of drunk on wine and women, but she was living her best life. She actually quite liked working alongside the Divine, it felt a lot like her sisterhood. And then Judgement came about. he made her feel weak, like he was sapping her energy. She wasn't fond at first.

But he was her competition for Irena, so she played nice. She's not a bad sportsman. Eventually she became fonder of Judgement, but he had to earn that respect. How fond she became with him is between her and her god. But she bore no ill-will towards him, So when everyone wanted him dead, she just... noped out.

She loved Irena, yes, but she didn't think it was okay to screw over Judgement just to keep the woman she loved. She didn't want to hurt any of them, so instead of partaking in the fighting, she just left. She couldn't find herself complicit in any of it. Obviously letting it happen was bad, but she couldn't do much anyways. Siding with Judgement meant siding with killing innocent people, siding with the divine meant siding with killing innocent people. she'd rather be uninvolved.

I will also mention, the magic she used was very alike witchcraft, like Enki. Whilst his was centred mostly around the studious aspects, hers was more... intuitive. She draws power from the sun ray inside of her, and she uses it by sheer feeling. It's why she's seen as so angry, because the best way to focus magic was to feel very very strongly about what she wanted. She believed that witchcraft should simply be a natural process, whilst he believed it should be learned and honed to be safer for the user and those around them.

[0creativity0]

Since the year is coming to an end and I'm not posting anything until January, I thought it'd be fun to do a little recap of the fics I've written and go through whatever I've managed to do this year. So, let's go!

Here's my 2024 on AO3:

This year, I've published 94,779 words. This number does not include any drafts or anything, but I know I wrote a lot of words in unpublished works too, because I've been working on some long projects. In my notes I have literal dozens of nearly finished one shots, and the plans for a work that's proving to be much harder and longer to write than Rot, which is my second longest published work right now and will be my longest published work as soon as 2025 comes, since it's less than 3k words shorter than Umbrella as of right now (wow). In my AO3 drafts alone I have a four parts work that's 24,856 words long and not yet finished, so that gives an idea.

To recap my interactions, I've gotten 31 subscription, 28 of which are on my user and not works (which is weird), 350 kudos, 109 bookmarks and 6,042 hits. And way too many comment threads because I respond to everybody because it's the best part of actually sharing what you write in my opinion. I'm pretty cool with those numbers. They're great!

Anyway, now for the 2024 podium:

My most kudo-ed work this year is:

This one might actually not be true anymore in a few hours. It has just two kudos more than my second most kudo-ed work, so this could change at any moment. I really hope this one stays first though, because I actually really like it. It's not revolutionary but it's fun, and I liked writing it a lot too. I like knowing it was appreciated, and I like knowing it's technically the most renowned thing I wrote this year.

My most read work this year is:

Makes sense that it'd be this one that garnered the most hits, since it's sort of long and finished. I don't mind it too, I liked writing The Sixth Stage. All the way through I was like "wow I'm actually kind of nailing this". It felt nice, principally after finishing Umbrella which I felt like shit about, and what feels even better is I still like it. The pacing is great, I think! Which is insane because I usually, notoriously suck at pacing. I definitely was on something though, killing off so many characters. Fun fact on this one, actually. I recently got a commenter on Wattpad (kindly) cursing me out for murdering them all, just being like "no fucking way", and that was very fun.

My favorite work I've written this year is:

I had so much fun with this character study-ish one shot, even though it sort of flopped lmao. I don't care, it was great. I really love writing Killua, he's so fun. It's a challenge but one I'm willing to take, simply because the answers come to me with difficulty, but they come naturally. Which maybe explains why they're such weird takes. Anyhow, I'd been cooking this up for so long before I shared it, and there are some cheesy things and mess ups I'd rewrite to fix, but I like keeping things as my past self had intended for them to be, so that I can admire my evolution in the future. It's gonna suck anyway, I know nothing about what I'm doing.

And, last but not least, the longest work I've written this year (and I have yet to finish it) is:

I don't know how to feel about Rot. 35,304 published words, dozens of deleted chapters, pages and pages of my school notebooks engraved with fanfiction and 49 samsung notes with thousands of words each. Pure devotion. Some chapters I love, some chapters I hate. Chapter ten is amazing and I'm so excited to share it yet chapter nine makes me want to fall asleep and never wake up. Sometimes it's the easiest thing to write, sometimes it's a genuine nightmare. Again, chapters nine and ten. I will finish it, there's no doubting that, but my plans keep changing and it's messing up my sleep schedule.

Overall, statistics always make me feel like shit. They make me feel like I haven't done enough. Take last year, for example. I made nearly 1.3K kudos last year, even though I started posting last year, which means I hadn't built an "audience" at all yet.

What taking a look back through my biggest successes of the year made me realize is that, even though I sort of suck, I'm still prouf of myself. Most of what I've mentioned here, I like. I tend to forget that and focus on the part of me that regrets numbers, and that's why this little post feels so necessary for me to make.

Of course these numbers (hit numbers and stuff) will change slightly before the end of the year, but I feel this is close enough.

Anyway. Happy new year to everyone. It's coming quick quick quick, and I need to get back to studying if I actually want a job in the future!

I might do a 2023 resume some day, just to take me back in time.